Ep. #344 - Mortal Kombat, with Naomi Ekperigin and Andy Beckerman

[0:00] on this episode we discuss mortal combat okay uh so i guess i gotta pick a character here um okay

[0:09] which uh usually i like a big guy uh which one's the uh which one's the zangief in this one uh

[0:15] yes uh this guy shao shao khan okay he's got a hammer okay let's see how he does wait he's not

[0:21] in the movie okay so i have to pick uh this other dude okay i'll do this guy um i hope he survives

[0:27] what's his name like rexor or something okay cool i'm gonna be him

[0:57] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:59] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:00] It's me, Stuart, the number one Stuart, Wellington.

[1:03] And it's me, Elliot Kalin, somewhere on the ranks.

[1:06] I don't know where I rank in comparison to other Elliot's.

[1:09] The tier list?

[1:10] Yeah.

[1:11] You're definitely A.

[1:13] I don't know if I'd say S tier yet, but you're getting there.

[1:16] I don't think I know what this system is.

[1:18] Does S come before A?

[1:19] I don't understand.

[1:20] S is the top.

[1:21] S tier is.

[1:23] Why?

[1:24] I can't believe I have to explain tier rankings.

[1:27] So, like, F-tier would be, I don't know, what's a bad Elliot?

[1:31] S-tier is definitely Elliot Gould, right?

[1:34] Yeah, he's the best.

[1:35] That's true.

[1:35] A bad Elliot would be like Elliot from, like, Jeremy Irons' character Elliot from Dead Ringers.

[1:41] It would be like a bad Elliot.

[1:42] Okay, that's an F-tier, I guess.

[1:44] Okay.

[1:45] It goes like...

[1:46] Oh, no, no, okay.

[1:46] Michael Caine's Elliot from Hannah and Her Sisters.

[1:49] He's like a philanderer.

[1:50] Yeah, that's a bad Elliot.

[1:51] This is not really explaining why the letters are...

[1:56] You got S tier, A tier, B tier, C tier, and then usually it just goes right to F tier.

[2:00] But I feel like our guests today probably have some very strong opinions on where different

[2:06] Elliot's fall in this, right, Elliot?

[2:07] Probably.

[2:08] We have guests I'd love to introduce, and then we'll talk about why Dan is feeling a

[2:12] little under the weather.

[2:13] But I'd like to introduce our guests joining us today to talk about Mortal Kombat, a movie

[2:18] they specifically requested that we allow them to talk to us about, are the hosts of

[2:24] the podcast Couples Therapy, Naomi Ekperigen and Andy Beckerman. You can see Naomi also on Apple

[2:29] TV's Mythic Quest. And they each also have their own podcast. Naomi has I Love a Lifetime Movie,

[2:34] and Andy has Beginnings, an interview podcast. Thank you so much for joining us to talk about

[2:39] Mortal Kombat with a K. They spelled it wrong on purpose. It's not a typo.

[2:44] I feel so honored. Yeah, thank you for having us.

[2:49] I can't believe you are allowing this to happen because I will start yelling. But also,

[2:52] I do want to know, am I the first black woman on Flophouse?

[2:56] You are not the first black woman, but I would be lying if you said we had a lot.

[3:00] I'd be lying if you said we had a lot.

[3:01] Coming right out with a Z-Way question.

[3:03] I really wanted to know.

[3:04] I thought I would be, and it was going to be very exciting for me.

[3:06] Our numbers are not great, but you're not.

[3:10] Yeah, we will admit to that.

[3:11] We don't get to take a victory lap yet.

[3:14] With the tears, by the way.

[3:17] In terms of podcasts that have black women as guests, we're not S-tier, for sure.

[3:22] certainly we're not f but we're not s yeah you know i still don't understand them so i mean it's

[3:30] like the ranking looked it up and it doesn't like the wikipedia on the tier system just says it it

[3:36] doesn't explain it it's very infuriating i feel like it makes a lot of sense like where is that

[3:43] what's the origin of this so like if you're uh i mean i'm assuming a lot of we we just got a whole

[3:48] bunch of new listeners today because they're all very interested to hear us talk about uh mortal

[3:53] combat so let's talk about a different fighting game let's talk about say something like smash

[3:57] brothers if you want to say if you want to rank smash brothers characters in order of i don't know

[4:02] like annoyingness to play against you could put them in a tier system where s tier would be by far

[4:08] the most annoying but f tier would be the lowest no i understand no i understand which which letters

[4:13] correspond with quality i don't know why wario my favorite character of course he would be an

[4:19] s-tier annoying character because he has that move where he farts on you which i think your son sammy

[4:23] would love he would love that because you love elon musk too uh yeah yeah uh that i mean i i didn't

[4:32] uh i you know i've watched a lot of saturday night live i like to jokingly refer to it as

[4:38] the worst TV show I've seen

[4:40] every episode of.

[4:41] But I have not watched that episode, except

[4:44] I've seen pictures on Twitter. Should

[4:46] I watch that episode, Andy?

[4:47] Okay, you're shaking your head.

[4:49] No, as if I watched it. I know, I was like, you wouldn't have watched it

[4:52] unless you seemed to be watching it when I was asleep.

[4:54] You know what, Audrey likes Saturday Night Live,

[4:56] and we watched it, and

[4:57] oh, god damn, there's some bad sketches

[5:00] in that Elon Musk episode.

[5:01] Now, Dan, we should, wait, before we end that, I want to

[5:04] explain, you sound a little different, you have a cold right now.

[5:06] So that people, yeah.

[5:07] So, the world is healing, which means that I am not.

[5:11] Like, the fact that I am, you know, vaccinated and out in the world, even though, you know, I'll still wear my mask inside, you know, with people.

[5:23] But I am now being exposed again to the viruses that my lousy immune system cannot handle.

[5:31] So, I have a cold.

[5:33] I am in Buffalo, New York.

[5:35] My family is seeing one another for the first time since quarantine.

[5:40] We tried to pick a place to see one another.

[5:43] For some reason, we came up with Buffalo.

[5:45] It's still kind of a mystery.

[5:46] You wanted to be in the place where William McKinley was shot.

[5:49] Yeah.

[5:50] That's how you rate vacation spots.

[5:53] We're present and shot here.

[5:54] There's Texas.

[5:55] There's Washington, D.C.

[5:57] There's Buffalo, New York.

[5:58] That's it.

[5:59] That's the only place you go on vacation.

[6:02] Yeah.

[6:02] Either one of my family members gave me this or I gave it to my other family.

[6:07] Some of my other family members are now sick, you know.

[6:10] Wait, are you not from Buffalo?

[6:11] Like, I don't understand why you would ever be in Buffalo.

[6:14] Yeah, this is, okay, so.

[6:15] This is very upsetting.

[6:18] After, I mean, other than like a few stopovers in the Philippines where her family is from

[6:25] and florida audrey is a lifelong new yorker and i have been there for you know a couple of decades

[6:33] now and i just cannot drive and so we picked a nearby place that we could get to and was on the

[6:41] east coast or my my family who's in boston they drove up it's it's close to niagara falls which

[6:47] we went and see saw but it is not niagara falls which is a horrible place to be buffalo is a very

[6:52] depressed former

[6:54] industrial town, but it does have some

[6:56] interesting stuff. Yeah, you can see

[6:58] where Millie McKinley was shot.

[6:59] It's been nice, except

[7:02] for the fact that I'm now

[7:04] miserably sick. I should mention, Dan,

[7:06] I forgot one place you can go on vacation on your

[7:08] president's shooting tour. Milwaukee,

[7:10] where Teddy Roosevelt was shot after his

[7:12] presidency. Another episode of

[7:14] Who Was? I can't take it, Kalen.

[7:16] Where was Reagan shot? In D.C.

[7:18] No, where in his body?

[7:20] Reagan and Lincoln and Garfield were all shot in D.C.

[7:22] What?

[7:22] Where in his body?

[7:23] Yeah, let me know.

[7:27] Okay, let me look that up on my map of presidents' bodies.

[7:31] You go to Mar-a-Lago in an alternate dimension.

[7:34] Dan, if you're feeling a little under the weather,

[7:36] why don't you eat some of those famously spicy buffalo wings

[7:40] to clear out those sinuses?

[7:42] That'll wake you up.

[7:44] Or have some of those famously spicy buffalo chips.

[7:47] So if I don't talk that much,

[7:50] Okay.

[7:51] Just, you know, I've died.

[7:54] Okay, that's fair.

[7:56] That's fair.

[7:57] It's good.

[7:57] You have two guests for coverage.

[7:59] I'm dialing nine and one on my phone.

[8:01] I'm just going to...

[8:01] Just hover and just say, he's somewhere in Buffalo.

[8:03] I don't know.

[8:05] He's got a white door.

[8:07] Look for an Airbnb that is not as nice as his sister-in-law keeps claiming it is.

[8:15] Rare.

[8:17] Oh, we know that one.

[8:18] We know which one he's talking about.

[8:20] which one it's turned into a bravo show for a moment yeah spilling tea so no no no it's good

[8:27] that she has a spill and tea it's good that she's got a lot more optimism than i so this is so so

[8:34] you're listening to the flop house this is a podcast where we where we rag on the airbnbs

[8:37] that our sisters-in-law rent uh but it's also a podcast where we watch a bad movie or maybe it

[8:44] turns out to be a movie we like and we talk about it and as you may know if you saw it listed on

[8:48] your app or you heard dan mention it at the beginning or heard us mention it also afterwards

[8:53] today we're talking about mortal combat uh came out this year it's based on the fantasy video

[8:59] game of the same name or martial arts fantasy video game it's the direct world debut of

[9:03] australian filmmaker simon mccoy which is possibly the most australian name i can imagine um and now

[9:09] mortal combat i'm gonna be relying on i'm gonna be doing the summary today but i'm gonna be relying

[9:13] on stewart's knowledge of the game franchise the most because a lot because it's a it's a

[9:18] franchise i know a little bit about when it comes to fictional universe continuity let's say marvel

[9:24] comics is like my s tier that's what i know the most about like i know it it's in my bones it's

[9:29] in my blood and let's say my f tier is like outlander something i know exists but i don't

[9:34] i've never seen more than a few snippets as i walk through the room while my wife watches it

[9:38] i know it's super sexy and there's time travel but i don't know anything else about it mortal

[9:42] combat is like near is not quite in the middle but in the bottom half of my knowledge i know that

[9:46] like uh i know get over here and i know uh flawless victory but otherwise i don't know too much about

[9:53] it but did you watch did you watch either the movies i did watch the original movie when it

[9:58] came out in the theaters that was 20 years ago almost i don't remember it that well the only

[10:02] thing i really remember about it as i think i might have mentioned on the podcast before is

[10:05] the lackluster intro for goro who is just who is a four-armed giant man wearing little underpants

[10:12] and who has a ponytail and in the old movie he just kind of walks on screen as if it's no big

[10:16] thing and you're not supposed to care or be impressed that there's a four-armed man walking

[10:20] around and and what folks and why did you guys why did you guys pick mortal combat to be your

[10:26] movie of choice yeah okay and so andrew i was saying to elliot before we started that uh i

[10:34] think there's a little bit of like quarantine euphoria that was involved in this because when

[10:40] we watched this when it came out we watched pretty much every film that came out on hbo max

[10:46] absolutely we're maxinistas we shop at tj max we watch hbo max at all times mad max anything

[10:56] sam and max uh hbo sam and hbo max yeah

[11:00] and we watched this i had so much fun watching this and i don't like i i am very aware of my

[11:09] mortality so i don't purposely watch bad movies oh we'll also i will stop okay this is a household

[11:16] that does not need to see it through okay okay so if i'm watching it and i'm like oh absolutely not

[11:20] i am stopping okay there are animes to watch i don't need to sit through this my hero academia's

[11:27] new season just a new season of my hero academia the only reason why i know about s class is from

[11:32] one punch man yep because they have classes and he wants to be an oh we can talk about one punch

[11:36] man instead if you like we're really supposed to talk about mortal combat i mean i'd have to wait

[11:41] till audrey gets back she could tell you a lot about one punch man that would be a switcheroo

[11:46] does she know anything about outlander because i don't know anything about that i will say

[11:51] you know with the mortal combat um what do you call it mythology i was watching this being like

[11:56] why did they make up this complex mythology to like just have people fight each other and then

[12:01] audrey was like no no this is from the games like she knew somehow like this is all from the games

[12:05] a lot of it.

[12:06] Well, as the games,

[12:07] they started out

[12:08] pretty straightforward.

[12:09] And I know that as they went on,

[12:10] they got more and more

[12:11] story elements to them.

[12:12] Right, Stu?

[12:13] Oh, but anyway,

[12:14] so, but we should finish.

[12:15] We should finish your story

[12:16] about watching the movie.

[12:17] So you asked Stuart

[12:18] a direct question.

[12:19] I remember that.

[12:21] I remembered we were

[12:22] in the middle of them

[12:23] answering Stuart's question

[12:24] from earlier.

[12:25] So I think,

[12:27] so we had so much fun

[12:28] watching this

[12:29] and we made,

[12:30] and also, okay,

[12:31] so I think there was

[12:32] some quarantine euphoria.

[12:33] Also, I think we've been

[12:34] out here in Los Angeles

[12:35] for about almost four years now right and this was like one of the first movies that i watched

[12:41] where i saw the producers minds working in the background i saw all the decisions i saw all the

[12:49] decisions the executives and the producers made that had nothing to do with like wanting to make

[12:53] a good film that had to do with like we have a budget can we stick to the goddamn budget

[12:58] all that all those kind of decisions i saw for the first time and i i was like oh it's like the

[13:04] matrix it was like when um when neo gets his powers in the matrix and you start to see that's

[13:09] funny because that was your reason for me i love action okay i'm here for a good time i want to

[13:15] quip yeah i want to see you defy gravity and now this motion picture absolutely bored me and i was

[13:23] and i screamed i screamed the entire time and so i wanted to talk about because like for a genre

[13:28] like i came in ready you know what i mean like i was like i don't need much and yet you made me

[13:35] real mad and so it just felt like to me i thought what what a good motion picture to unpack right

[13:42] but also that was part of my excitement about it was that like all i want from these movies is

[13:46] fights like i saw godzilla king of the monsters is that the one before the last one that's only

[13:52] king of the monsters i saw that in the theater with my friend and i fell asleep in the middle

[13:56] because all i want i i just wanted them to fight i don't care about kyle chandler or 11

[14:04] didn't you want to know how they could use biofeedback to attract the monsters to each

[14:09] other did not care for a second not a molecule of my essence not an electron care about that

[14:18] yeah you didn't go on the internet and look up at what point do they fight and then show up late

[14:24] to the movie just so you can see the movie yeah so two hours in yeah so and this what i did

[14:30] appreciate was that it was the thinnest uh amount of exposition to get you from fight to fight

[14:36] yeah and that i appreciated again seeing the like the producer be like no one gives a shit about any

[14:43] of their motivations just have them fight just like put in some stuff in some some a little bit

[14:48] of like peanut butter and jelly in the middle and that was all they want to see the fight is not the

[14:53] peanut butter and jelly what is the fight then in this metaphor yeah the fight's the bread

[14:56] so you're eating nutella with peanut butter and jelly on the outside no bread it's it's just okay

[15:03] no bread it's a it's a disc it's a hard that's the double down of sandwiches so now i guess the

[15:09] double down is a sandwich getting no no fair it's barely a double down of condiments it's just a

[15:15] double down condiment disc the con double down now stewart yeah uh let me get back to the question

[15:20] i asked you and then interrupted you uh so so tell us a little bit about the mortal kombat series

[15:25] your experience with it and what is this video game series before we jump into this the movie

[15:29] this is basically i mean this is the movie event of 2021 mortal kombat it may be the second biggest

[15:34] movie event of 2021 after that sparks documentary that i cannot wait to see yeah it's coming out

[15:39] next month and i cannot because it's not out yet but i cannot wait to see it other than that this

[15:43] is the movie event of the year uh what is mortal kombat tell us well i mean my history with mortal

[15:49] combat obviously was with the like the original video game i remember my uh pair uh when it came

[15:55] out of the genesis i did i played in the arcade a little bit but when it came out of the genesis

[15:58] my parents bought it for my brother and i for christmas we found it before christmas and we

[16:03] would we managed to open the packaging and play it when they weren't home and then sneak it back

[16:08] into the packaging oh man kids are terrible um so uh it's a it's a violent video game that

[16:16] originally used what like sprites based on like photo photographs or film footage of actors

[16:22] performing they filmed actors uh doing well there was a great article that was online years ago

[16:27] where they talked to the actors who basically created the characters and the fighting styles

[16:31] and and were then filmed and then they digitized the film footage and added costumes to it and

[16:36] those actors never received any payment other than like the day rate they got but i but that i

[16:42] remember as a kid seeing it in this in the arcades and the amazing thing about it was that the sprites

[16:46] looked like real people yeah real people digitized but they looked like video footage and then you

[16:51] know gouts of fake blood would squirt out of them when you would uppercut them and then it was super

[16:55] sometimes someone's spine would come out it was like whoa this is not your daddy's super street

[17:00] fighter 2 turbo yeah which is relatively bloodless you know yeah it was super wait stewart this was a

[17:05] genesis game it came out on genesis and super nintendo at the same time although the super

[17:09] nintendo had like they altered the blood so it wasn't as gory and that is bullshit

[17:13] Genesis is for bad boys.

[17:15] It'll do what Nintendon't.

[17:18] There it is.

[17:21] He ain't sick.

[17:22] He back.

[17:23] He back.

[17:24] I want a shirt that says that.

[17:27] So knowing that this is the second movie based on a violent video game.

[17:31] Third movie.

[17:32] Third movie.

[17:33] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[17:33] I forgot.

[17:34] So what's the other one?

[17:35] Mortal Kombat Annihilation.

[17:36] The sequel.

[17:37] Direct sequel to the first one.

[17:38] Now, was that a crossover with Phantasm Annihilation?

[17:42] Wait, which one's Phantasm Annihilation?

[17:44] Is that the fourth one?

[17:45] Is that the fourth one, I think?

[17:46] Yeah.

[17:47] Maybe.

[17:47] Was it a crossover with the Marvel crossover Annihilation?

[17:51] Yes.

[17:52] It's all those things are crossover.

[17:53] It's all written by Dan Abnett.

[17:54] Yeah, it's all Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning.

[17:56] Crossover with, what's her name's Annihilation?

[17:58] Oh, right.

[17:59] And Natalie Portman's Annihilation.

[18:00] Natalie Portman's Annihilation.

[18:01] Natalie Portman's Ascent, Annihilation from Comic-Con.

[18:04] Based on the Area X series by Jeff Vandermeer, of course.

[18:07] So they made a couple of, there was a couple of games,

[18:10] And then kind of recently, there was like a relaunch of Mortal Kombat for the current generation systems.

[18:16] This was like five, six years.

[18:18] I got time wrong.

[18:19] But this was Mortal Kombat 9, just titled Mortal Kombat.

[18:22] And that kind of brought the series back.

[18:25] Like they had kind of strayed from its basic roots.

[18:27] They tried to do all these like 3D shit.

[18:29] They did a crossover at DC, which then spun off into its own game, Injustice, which is fun.

[18:34] And then since then, they've released three games, which was Mortal Kombat, Mortal Kombat 10 or MKX, and then Mortal Kombat 11.

[18:42] And one of the big things that Mortal Kombat 9 did was it like they took another hard look at the continuity.

[18:48] My mistake. I can't I can't pronounce words today.

[18:52] And they like tell the whole in MK9, they tell the whole story of Mortal Kombat.

[18:58] And then and then each game, the story for so for a fighting game, it has a very elaborate story mode.

[19:04] So it makes one wonder, if you have this story mode that you can just watch somebody play through on YouTube, why do you need a movie?

[19:11] Well, we'll find out while we talk about the movie.

[19:13] We'll find out, especially since the recent Mortal Kombat entries have started bringing characters from other IPs.

[19:17] So, like, Robocop is in there, and Rambo is in there, and the Terminator.

[19:21] And Freddy.

[19:23] And Freddy, who has two claws, because they couldn't figure out how to have the character be on either sides of the board or screen and have a claw only on one hand.

[19:33] So he has two claws

[19:34] And you're like

[19:34] I guess it's fine

[19:35] That's fine

[19:36] I genuinely

[19:37] I genuinely hope

[19:38] That this movie

[19:39] They make enough sequels

[19:41] To get to the point

[19:42] Where they're like

[19:42] Okay what other IP

[19:43] Does this

[19:44] You know

[19:45] This

[19:46] Whatever

[19:47] Whoever put it out

[19:47] Dan they're making that movie

[19:49] It's called Space Jam

[19:50] It's got every character

[19:51] From every Warner Brothers movie in it

[19:53] It's nuts

[19:53] Okay

[19:54] But let's talk about this one

[19:55] It's got Mr. Yunioshi

[19:56] So Mortal Kombat

[19:59] Let's start

[20:00] We begin

[20:00] As most action movies do

[20:02] in japan in the year 1617 at the happy peaceful household of loving dad hanzo hasashi or sashi

[20:08] hasashi uh and hanzo's out getting some water and you know he's got a bad uh past behind him

[20:15] because his house is attacked by murph by warriors he returns to find his wife and son have been

[20:20] turned into sort of a frozen corpse pieta uh and hanzo gets mad he kills a bunch of masked bad guys

[20:25] he invents uh scorpion's weapon by tying a rope to a garden spade but he does not say get over here

[20:30] yet because this isn't speaking in japanese and then he confronts the leader of these bad guys

[20:35] bihan a chinese warrior with ice powers and they fight during that fight hanzo gets in a great nut

[20:42] punch on bihan that was that was my moment of the fight uh well can we also talk about how bihan just

[20:48] talks to him in chinese and then for like a good 90 seconds and then he's like i don't know what

[20:55] you said but i'm mad at you yeah and i just thought we didn't need all that if he didn't

[20:59] understand what he was saying did you notice that sub-zero or sorry bihan kills the wife and child

[21:06] and then just sits back wild scorpion kills all his men yep he's just sitting on a stump

[21:14] just kind of like chilling out yeah there's a lot of there's a lot of action movie uh logic here

[21:20] where things happen because that's how they need to happen to fight for fights the same way that

[21:24] i forgot where it was that i once saw that the this like mathematical theorem of ninjas where

[21:28] was for each ninja you add,

[21:29] the ninjas lose a certain amount

[21:31] of fighting prowess and strength exponentially.

[21:33] And that's why a one-on-one fight

[21:35] with the ninjas takes a long time.

[21:37] But if 20 ninjas attack you,

[21:38] you can just kill them like popcorn.

[21:40] Like you're just throwing them off.

[21:40] Yeah, I mean, you can't fuck

[21:42] with the difficulty level of the encounter, Elliot.

[21:44] That's true.

[21:46] So if it's going to be 100 bad guys,

[21:47] they have to be kobolds or some shit.

[21:49] So it's the overall difficulty level

[21:52] for the experience

[21:53] and not for each individual foe.

[21:55] It's kind of a universal, you can neither create nor destroy fight difficulty, I guess, is what it is.

[22:02] Like, that's the law.

[22:02] I can't remember what that term is, and it's really bothering me that I can't remember it.

[22:06] The law of conservation of energy.

[22:07] Thank you.

[22:08] The conservation of fight difficulty.

[22:09] Yeah.

[22:09] Thank you so much.

[22:11] So anyway, by the end, it doesn't matter how many times Hanzo punches Bi-Han in the nuts,

[22:17] Bi-Han kills him and says, for Lin Kuei, which is his clan, but that's never really...

[22:23] His clan of assassins.

[22:25] exactly but that but that is this clam assassins were like i don't know that we ever hear that

[22:28] phrase again in the movie uh not at all and i'm like what and this is my problem see i'm already

[22:34] yelling it feels like the movie gives you like it felt very paint by numbers and so it's kind of

[22:41] like furley quay quan quay and you're like okay do i care but he said something so check that box

[22:49] he has a reason yeah do you know what i mean but it's not explained like yeah it was like an improv

[22:53] 101. Everyone's like, wait, I have

[22:55] to have a justification. This isn't

[22:57] very relatable. Relatable, yeah.

[22:59] Improv 101, keep going. As long as we can bring more

[23:01] improv terminology into it, that'll be great.

[23:02] So Bi-Han's game is that he uses

[23:05] ice to kill things.

[23:06] If this was a Harold,

[23:09] this would be like... First beats, first beats.

[23:11] And so at the end of this fight, that's when

[23:13] one of the other performers runs across the screen

[23:15] and says, that's our show. Good night, everybody.

[23:16] So Hanzo,

[23:19] you think he's dead,

[23:21] But no, he gets back up when he hears a baby crying inside the house.

[23:24] But then suddenly his body is burned to ash by magic fire.

[23:27] This is never really explained, but it doesn't matter.

[23:30] Then suddenly, rain, lightning, a guy with a big hat and glowing eyes appears.

[23:35] That's right.

[23:35] Stuart, who is this?

[23:37] That's Raiden, baby.

[23:37] Now, you would expect Raiden to be played by Christopher Lambert, because that's who was played him in the original.

[23:42] It's not him.

[23:43] It's a different actor.

[23:44] Because, you know, different actors play the same character.

[23:47] It's weird.

[23:47] Have you ever heard of James Bond?

[23:50] So, and Raiden shows up, takes the baby, bounces out.

[23:54] And at this point, you should fast forward until the last fight of the movie, and then the movie's pretty good.

[24:00] You are very accurate.

[24:02] Sure.

[24:03] You are very accurate.

[24:04] Stuart is right that Lord Raiden is not played by Christopher Lambert.

[24:08] He's played by Tadanobu Asano, who you may remember from Each the Killer or Electric Dragon, 80,000 Volts.

[24:13] He's in a lot of stuff.

[24:15] actors the uh the two actors uh bihan and hanzo asashi are both uh are both played by great actors

[24:21] arguably the best actors in the movie i mean yeah oh yeah oh for sure oh my god this is something

[24:27] so good this is something that you see in a lot of movies that have a western and an eastern cast

[24:34] like martin scorsese's silence is like this where they have your bit you're there aren't huge stars

[24:40] in this movie but you have like the the american stars or you know american or european stars and

[24:44] then you have the japanese or chinese cast and the asian actors are so much better and that's such a

[24:49] higher level of character reality even for a movie as ridiculous as this or character intensity you

[24:54] know like you watch silence and you're like oh the japanese actors in this are silence mortal

[24:59] kombat same thing yeah same favorites look taranobu asano also in silence andy and i believe

[25:06] in this household you know we often say we stay in an international co-production yes and this is

[25:10] just international co-pro at its finest because you've got these great actors and then like a

[25:16] random white girl shows up and you're like who are you how did you get here international co-production

[25:21] you don't make sense with the vibe but we legally had to have her in it right like the meg like the

[25:28] meg which she was in another international co-production sonia blade you mean sonia blade

[25:31] yes but we'll get there we'll get jessica mcnamee but like joe taslim who plays bihan later sub-zero

[25:37] is fucking awesome like he's in the raid he's in the night comes for us he's a fucking badass

[25:43] beat the shit out of me daddy he's amazing and he's great like even covered in like super what

[25:49] is obviously like super heavy unwieldy armor that he later rips off in an awesome fight

[25:54] like he's still great like he brings such great energy to the what little he gets to do in this

[26:00] movie yeah if you want a international co-pro this is a tv show now not a movie but if you want one

[26:07] where the acting is superior is like is like super on both sides of the continental divide

[26:14] giri haji absolutely just think about that guys i will think about that we're not gonna say more

[26:20] that's all i'll be thinking about the rest of my life probably yeah uh so the important thing is

[26:25] lord raiden shows up he's super powerful he has lightning powers uh he takes the baby and then

[26:30] lightning teleports away cut to on-screen text which explains that earth is about to lose an

[26:37] interdimensional fighting competition

[26:39] and be invaded by the evil Outrealm

[26:41] but a prophecy says that Hanzo's blood

[26:43] will raise new warriors and it is a lot of

[26:45] concept to suddenly dump on us

[26:47] and it's like the movie is like you're here for the

[26:49] fights like you give a shit about this

[26:51] here's the back story who cares like

[26:53] we'll just dump it on you it doesn't matter

[26:54] let's talk a little bit about the

[26:57] Mortal Kombat tournament because

[26:59] the rules

[27:01] of this thing are just

[27:03] wild they're a little flexible

[27:04] because like

[27:06] apparently you have to win

[27:09] 10 of these tournaments to take over

[27:11] and so

[27:12] this is the 10th you know we gotta have stakes

[27:15] so we're jumping in at number 10

[27:17] but at that point like just simplify it

[27:19] for the audience maybe just make this

[27:21] the important tournament but also apparently

[27:23] it is totally legal

[27:24] that you can kill the competitors

[27:27] outside of the tournament

[27:28] not legal they specifically say it's

[27:31] against the rules

[27:32] But also, they say it's against the rules, but there is no authority higher than the main bad guy and the main good guy.

[27:37] It's not like the living tribunal shows up to pass judgment.

[27:42] It's just like, Shang Tsung, you're not allowed to do this.

[27:45] And Shang Tsung is like, ooh, but I guess I'll do it anyway.

[27:48] Who made the rules?

[27:50] Who's the main guy?

[27:50] If there was no repercussions for Tanya Harding, you know, doing that.

[27:55] I mean, she did lose, Dan.

[27:56] And also, it wasn't really her fault, and she did lose.

[27:58] So if there were none, you know, like this, this Mortal Kombat treats it the same way.

[28:03] Like, okay, I guess I'll allow it.

[28:05] There's nothing in the rule book that says you can't kill the opponents before the competition.

[28:08] Who's the main Outworld guy?

[28:11] Wait, in the movie?

[28:13] Shang Tsung?

[28:14] Is that it?

[28:16] Well, there's Shang Tsung and then there's, oh, in the movie it's Shang Tsung, but there's

[28:19] also Shao Kahn and Shinnok and all these other guys.

[28:21] In this movie it's-

[28:22] No, because he says, leave the elder gods to me.

[28:25] And then later in the movie, I wrote this down.

[28:27] He wrote, the other gods are too lazy to stop me.

[28:32] That's his justification.

[28:33] He says, leave it to me.

[28:35] And then he's like, nah, we don't have to worry about them.

[28:37] They don't want to get off their asses.

[28:40] And you're just like, okay.

[28:42] Well, then why even have an elder god if these elder gods are too tired?

[28:45] Like, it doesn't even make sense.

[28:47] But here's the thing, though.

[28:48] As you said, a movie that's just about fights?

[28:50] Why not then make the whole movie these ten tournaments?

[28:54] Yes.

[28:55] Now that would have given me something.

[28:57] have the movie be the tournament as opposed to the movie being the prep for

[29:01] the tournament,

[29:02] which is ridiculous.

[29:03] Like this is,

[29:05] this is like the,

[29:06] it's like the,

[29:06] the,

[29:07] the gory martial arts version of the big Lebowski where there's the big

[29:10] build,

[29:10] they're building up to a bowling tournament that you're never actually

[29:13] going to see.

[29:13] Like,

[29:14] but,

[29:14] uh,

[29:15] it's the,

[29:15] it's the unveiling of the tallest building in Philadelphia.

[29:17] It's all over.

[29:19] Oh,

[29:20] that movie.

[29:21] I was thinking about that the other day,

[29:22] just how funny it is when,

[29:23] when a split looks over to the building and it's like,

[29:26] and now,

[29:27] to go to it

[29:28] and then they knock him down

[29:29] and he never gets there.

[29:30] Oh, anyway.

[29:31] Okay, so we meet,

[29:33] now we're going to meet our hero.

[29:34] We're at meeting Cole.

[29:36] He's a youngish guy,

[29:37] but he's already a has-been

[29:38] underdog MMA fighter.

[29:40] His teen daughter is always like,

[29:41] Cole, dad, use your uppercut.

[29:43] He never listens to her

[29:44] and he loses the match

[29:45] because he, for some reason,

[29:46] maybe he made a promise.

[29:46] And it's such an easy move.

[29:47] You just hold down

[29:49] and hit the punch button.

[29:50] Maybe he made a promise

[29:52] to his dying master

[29:53] that he would never use the uppercut.

[29:55] It's not like a Shuri Yukin,

[29:56] which is hard to do because you have to hit forward, down, and then down forward,

[30:00] which is a weird motion to master.

[30:02] Down, down, forward?

[30:03] Yeah.

[30:04] Oh, my God.

[30:04] So we go to Outworld.

[30:06] This is where the bad guys live.

[30:07] Of course, it's like a big evil desert with mountains and stuff.

[30:10] Beehanner's reporting to his master, Shang Tsung.

[30:13] Okay, Shang Tsung, he wants to take over the Earth, make everybody have fun tonight,

[30:17] everybody Shang Tsung tonight.

[30:18] Stuart, tell us about Shang Tsung.

[30:20] What do we need to know about this mean dude?

[30:21] I mean, he's like an evil sorcerer guy, right?

[30:23] And he sucks people's souls out of their body

[30:25] and he has the move where he can like

[30:27] transform into other characters.

[30:28] That's pretty cool, right?

[30:30] He doesn't do any transforming in this movie.

[30:32] Didn't have the budget, I'd imagine.

[30:35] They did not have a transformation budget.

[30:37] So he's played by Chin Han,

[30:39] who according to Wikipedia

[30:42] was in the Ghost in the Shell movie.

[30:44] So he's a flophouse repeat.

[30:45] Nice to see you again, Chin Han.

[30:47] So anyway, so Shang Tsung,

[30:49] he's a real mean bad guy.

[30:50] He wants to take over the earth for some reason.

[30:53] He's worried about the prophecy that says that Hanzo's blood will raise a new class of warrior that will stop him.

[30:58] He's like, Bi-Han, just go to Earth and kill all the champions before the Mortal Kombat competition, which is very funny.

[31:03] I'm afraid that we're going to lose to them in Mortal Kombat.

[31:06] So go fight them where there are no rules, and they can do whatever they want and go kill them.

[31:11] And Bi-Han goes, I'm sub-zero now.

[31:13] And it's like, oh, sorry, dude.

[31:14] Okay.

[31:15] I didn't know you rebranded since the 17th century.

[31:18] Okay.

[31:20] Now, why do you think...

[31:21] His recording label actually owned his old name,

[31:25] so he had to change it.

[31:26] Oh, that's why.

[31:26] Did you get the email from my publicist?

[31:29] Yeah, somebody stole his account

[31:31] and is holding it hostage.

[31:32] Here's, okay, so Cole is going to meet

[31:37] ex-military tough guy Jax, spelled J-A-X.

[31:40] Absolutely.

[31:41] And Cole is like, yeah, anyway, I'm a fighter.

[31:43] I got a birthmark shaped like a dragon.

[31:45] Take a look at it.

[31:45] And Jax follows Cole's family to a hamburger stand

[31:48] where it suddenly starts snowing in july what could that mean uh it means sub-zero is on the

[31:55] attack luckily jack saves them this is pretty cool i gotta i gotta say you know like they

[32:00] talk about it talk about it paint us a word this movie is filled with thank you for the permission

[32:05] this movie's uh filled with uh cgi you know and that can look cheesy but i really kind of liked

[32:12] the the snow mysteriously starting to fall and then like falling backwards up into the air and

[32:17] then being assaulted by ice i thought that'll look cool yeah pretty good special effect uh also a

[32:22] great special effect uh that's a practical effect a real life effect jack's his arms that guy has

[32:29] such huge biceps same thing i said they were too much i was i thought they were out of control i

[32:35] thought it was excessive and i was like is he doing that thing where you know you um you like

[32:39] fold your arms but then you like push them up with your fists because they were just really

[32:43] macad brooks you guys macad brooks is always coming through giving us very like snackable

[32:49] look at me i'm hot and buff energy do you want me to have those kind of arms absolutely not i find

[32:55] them overwhelming but if you kept your body the same except for the arm that could be good okay

[33:02] interesting about that uh now i've got good news for you about the arms bad news for jacks don't

[33:09] get used to those arms because we're not going to see them too much more in the movie uh jacks is

[33:15] like oh yeah so sorry keep talking about his arms okay first of all yes so yes literally everything

[33:19] you're saying elliot is as bare as it was written in the movie because call is like i fight he has

[33:25] his daughter it's like is she a is she 40 and then we don't and then like they go right after the

[33:32] thing but then it's like where are you where are we located right i don't know what is this like

[33:36] Dayton, Ohio?

[33:37] Where are we?

[33:38] They could be in Texas.

[33:39] They could be in Brooklyn.

[33:40] They could be in Ohio.

[33:41] They could be in Washington State.

[33:43] It's impossible to know.

[33:44] Definitely Earthrealm, though.

[33:46] Yes, they are in Earthrealm.

[33:48] I think we can narrow it down to the United States of America or Canada.

[33:52] But otherwise, you know, it's a...

[33:55] And can I point out that Cole is a completely new character.

[33:59] This character has never been featured in a Mortal Kombat game or movie.

[34:02] Oh, really?

[34:04] Now, do you think it's to avoid accusations of favoritism that they made the main character of the movie a new character?

[34:10] Well, it's weird because the main guy behind the game is this guy, Ed Boon, who famously his favorite character is Scorpion,

[34:17] which is kind of why Scorpion over the years has morphed into more of a good guy,

[34:21] because he was like a fire-breathing skeleton ninja guy with a thing, and the spear that he throws.

[34:29] he's and scorpion has become more and more like the face of the game like if you go to a game

[34:34] stop for some reason and want to buy a mortal kombat game it probably has scorpion on it i mean

[34:40] please go to game stop i bought a lot of stock and i would like the business but like it i assumed

[34:46] they were going to just make him make cole scorpion but no no no no for some reason and i

[34:52] wonder if they're like trying to build him up to put him in a game or if they wanted to be eligible

[34:56] for the best new character academy award like you can't have a pre-existing character but that i

[35:00] didn't realize that and it that makes sense though because cole is also a pretty bland

[35:04] kind of basic character there's like not much going on with him you know he's also in woo

[35:10] assassins this actor and that's a netflix show you know and that's just also giving us martial

[35:14] arts and fun i told you i watch it i don't need much yeah and he's fun and woo assassin he's like

[35:19] kind of like the hot cool fuck boy of like the main character like the best friend and then he's

[35:25] like but he's also like a good guy underneath you know that kind of energy and so like when i saw

[35:29] him i was like oh he's fun but they literally just have him smize the entire film he's what

[35:35] we call a cw he is a model that they just put into like that like someone's like well we can

[35:42] make more money off of you if you act too so they made him an actor but he's really just a model he

[35:47] doesn't also a good fighter like he knows how to fight you know so he is like but in this movie

[35:51] specifically he's giving you cw again like all the cw shows like he's giving you just like looks

[35:56] you know what i mean he's giving you angles cheekbones blue steel but has no response to

[36:02] anything that's happening to him yeah no one has a response in this entire thing crazy shit happens

[36:07] every two minutes yes and no one has any kind of response except for one character

[36:13] well one of the one of the things you have to be introduced yes one of the one of the we'll get

[36:16] we'll get them the the so uh jack saves them in his truck and he's like i got the same dragon

[36:20] birthmark we're marked as mortal as mortal combat champions instantly cole and his family are like

[36:25] that makes sense yeah we're on board i get it mystical champions all right well what do we do

[36:30] and uh jack's is like go find my partner blade and i was like wait blade the vampire killer no

[36:37] it's sonja blade no such luck anyway not ip they're gonna go to gary indiana here's an address

[36:42] okay bye he's like where are you in relation to gary indiana yeah also you know up there with

[36:49] buffalo is bad places to go before we get too far away from it uh dan i've heard nothing but good

[36:55] things about gary indiana and the one song that i know about it what a wonderful place yeah name

[36:59] for albert gary of judiciary fame gary indiana like a shakespeare would say trips along softly

[37:05] from the tongue this way anyway um so dan are you channeling someone else right now what where did

[37:11] that come from professor fucking harold hill man right right yeah um no i sorry just you look like

[37:17] you went to a fugue state but anyway you're saying yeah your eyes your pupils got white

[37:21] before we get too far away from the cw i just want to say that i like what we're you know we're

[37:28] unpeeling what we're seeing about this relationship that you guys have a lot of jargon around your

[37:33] household you know you like there's a lot of media jargon that you know you build up yeah

[37:40] thank you for understanding how our love has lasted this 11 years yeah based on having a

[37:46] closed-loop terminology that is impenetrable

[37:48] to the outside world, yeah.

[37:49] Yeah, every relationship needs a glossary.

[37:51] So

[37:54] he's like, go find Sonya Blade. I'm gonna

[37:56] go fight Sub-Zero. Not a good idea.

[37:58] After creeping around in an entirely

[38:00] frozen, abandoned building, pretty much.

[38:02] Oh no, I guess entirely frozen later on.

[38:03] Sub-Zero freezes

[38:06] Jax's arms, then they shatter, and then Jax

[38:08] falls down and hits his head. And he's knocked out.

[38:09] There is a great line. In a violent way.

[38:11] Yeah, when they first face off

[38:13] and Jax says,

[38:15] I did six tours, motherfucker, and you're like, against Ice Wizards?

[38:20] Also, one of the things in this movie that took me by surprise at first was, I forget, like, 90s action movies, there's tons of swearing, and I just take it in stride.

[38:33] But modern action movies, because so many of them, I guess, are pegged around a PG-13, hopefully, audience, or even like a soft R audience, they don't swear as much.

[38:41] And there's a ton of swearing in this movie.

[38:43] And for some reason, when a character would be disemboweled and their guts would fall out, that would shock me less than hearing a character be like, fuck this asshole.

[38:49] And I'd be like, wait, what?

[38:50] I mean, it really felt like they were doing it excessively to be like, fuck you, dad.

[38:57] We can swear in our movie.

[38:59] Like, that's the way.

[38:59] Yeah, yeah.

[39:00] This totally felt to me like it was a 90s Saturday morning cartoon that they remade in a live action.

[39:06] They were like, now we can put in all the swears we want.

[39:09] Now we can finally have Reptile and Goro do it.

[39:13] Like, we're only able to hint at in the TV show.

[39:17] I mean, that would be difficult with Reptile's acidic spittle.

[39:20] I mean, I think that would cause problems for Goro, but I mean, I'll watch anything once.

[39:25] So, speaking of, we're back in Outworld.

[39:28] Shang Tsung is talking to his lady fighter, Mileena, but then he's like, you don't go.

[39:32] Send in Sizoth, the reptilian.

[39:34] Now, this is the character Reptile, basically, right?

[39:37] Or is it not?

[39:38] Because he doesn't look like what I'm used to.

[39:39] I'm used to the character Reptile being just Scorpion, but with different colors.

[39:43] Oh, that's why that thing was there.

[39:45] I didn't put together that it was sent.

[39:47] Because I was literally like, what is this character?

[39:50] Scary Indiana, you know?

[39:53] You just thought it was his own initiative?

[39:55] You thought the Reptile, like, that wizard thing?

[39:58] Yes, I was literally like, it's just, like, showing up places.

[40:00] Because it can, like, sense the combatants, the champions.

[40:04] I think it's, like, half alien, half predator.

[40:06] Because it's got like acid saliva, but it also has cloaking.

[40:09] Both characters that have been in Mortal Kombat games.

[40:13] Yeah.

[40:13] What?

[40:14] And it also looks like Spider-Man's the lizard.

[40:17] Right.

[40:18] So anyway, like I said, Cole and his family, they instantly believe Jax's crazy story.

[40:23] And Cole leaves his family behind after they've been attacked by an ice samurai monster to go find Sonya Blade.

[40:29] And when he gets to her trailer home, or like a mobile home that's stuck in the ground.

[40:35] Like a junkyard.

[40:36] yeah yeah uh she shows cole her evidence dungeon about how people have been fighting in the mortal

[40:40] combat tournament for centuries and cole has a hallucination of hanzo for a moment but then uh-oh

[40:46] he gets kicked out of that by kano our next big character uh kano is a douchebag australian

[40:54] mercenary that sonja has chained to a chair in her house stewart tell me about kano what can you tell

[40:59] me about kano kano's like uh was like a like a sub villain in the the original games and he's

[41:04] always been an australian like mercenary gun runner bad guy uh in the games all his moves are

[41:10] like kind of aggressive and extra shitty and he has this one move where he like rolls up into a

[41:15] ball and flies across the screen which doesn't quite fit with his other moves but it's pretty

[41:19] hilarious and it's a it's a good strategy to build because you can just keep slamming people around

[41:24] with your flying ball body yeah that's called in my in my marriage we call that an fbb a flying

[41:30] ball body that's that's just to turn the wheels in our house uh so he turned it turns out so kano

[41:37] is we've set up our main characters cole is the innocent uh young hot guy who is kind of too

[41:43] noble for this world sonja is the lady who uh is trying her best to be a mortal combat champion

[41:49] because she doesn't have a dragon mark and kano who has a dragon mark because he killed a champion

[41:53] and the mark transferred to him is the like wisecracker he's like the wisecracking asshole

[41:57] who just kind of is like what well i'm not gonna do that boy i oughta that kind of why can you

[42:03] become a champion just by killing somebody else shouldn't the very nature of committing a murder

[42:07] be you are not champion material i mean it's so the fact that kano is even up in here because

[42:12] he's like oh i killed this guy he happened to have a mark now i got the mark well that don't

[42:16] check out i thought you wanted to win earth realm now if you want to win this you can't just be

[42:20] giving any old body a mark it reminds me of in the movie at the end of the movie gods of egypt

[42:24] where all throughout that movie whether you get into heaven or hell is decided by how rich you

[42:28] are and at the end they go you know what maybe it should be based on whether you're a good person or

[42:33] not from now on only good people will get into heaven and it was like what system was this

[42:38] beforehand like why would you ever have it the other way what are you doing but i will i will

[42:43] point out this whole like weird mark shit this arcana that they talk about which is a weird mark

[42:48] that you get if you kill somebody else that has the mark or i guess you're born into a lineage of

[42:52] people of the mark which is arguably worse um the uh it also is keyed into some weird magic power

[42:59] shit this is all new this is not from the games it doesn't make any sense it feels like something

[43:04] that like uh like an executive is like i want to put my own stamp on the mortal kombat universe

[43:09] by introducing some dumb bullshit well it feels like there are a couple different parts of this

[43:15] movie where and i always am impressed by this when there's a movie based on a video game and

[43:18] they're like i guess we have to come up with a story reason to explain why why a ninja who can

[43:25] breathe fire is fighting like a vampire woman in the middle of a temple somewhere because the game

[43:31] of course you really don't need a reason but here this they really feel like they're yeah they're

[43:35] trying to build in a backstory to explain i think why people have these abilities at all whereas in

[43:39] the game it's just gonna like here's a crazy bunch of weirdos like here's a bunch of superpowered

[43:43] nuts yeah yeah but we don't have time i want a kano movie by the way yeah he was the only he was

[43:48] the only one having fun with it kano was the only one having fun with it he was having fun with it

[43:51] but the lights go out uh-oh that invisible reptile monster with the acid blood attacks size off

[43:55] working together they kill it they managed to like stab a flare into its body so that they can see

[44:00] where it is uh and kano rips out its heart and says kano wins which is one of many little eye

[44:06] winks at the audience uh and kano was like i'll sell lord raiden's temple i could take it out for

[44:12] three million dollars mate and they tell him they'll pay him that's amazing that was so good

[44:17] and i feel like i'm in melbourne right now yeah on the way there uh cole has another vision of

[44:26] hanzo but don't have time for that and the visions don't really matter doesn't doesn't matter nope

[44:30] they parachute into the desert uh where instead of parachuting to the place where they want to go

[44:35] they parachute like a couple miles away so they can walk the rest of the way right okay it's like

[44:41] okay is that what you consider a story turn you know what i mean like we need to pad this a bit

[44:46] maybe they don't they have to walk a little and it's also again we have to go because this is for

[44:51] the beginning like we are starting with cole right we are supposed to our entree into this world is

[44:56] supposed to be this guy who is a fighter who's not very good though but he has a daughter and

[45:00] you know whenever a man has a daughter he's our hero he's got heart and so and so he has his

[45:05] daughter but you're like oh like these people just showed up somebody made a snow in july

[45:12] and then froze the street and then you had to go to gary indiana how are you feeling where are you

[45:19] emotionally with this journey and he's just like walking he's just walking he's just hanging he

[45:24] ain't got nothing to say and that is so strange to me for all the work of building the backstory

[45:30] maybe he's dead inside but he has that daughter if you have a daughter you can't be dead inside

[45:34] that's the hero

[45:35] that's the rule

[45:37] well he's a family

[45:38] he's a family man

[45:39] I mean in this perfect world

[45:40] he would be played by

[45:40] a young Tom Hanks

[45:41] and that's how you

[45:42] and he'd bring all that

[45:43] you know character to him

[45:45] I mean the young Tom Hanks

[45:46] would be ripped

[45:47] in this version of the scenario

[45:48] you know

[45:49] like Bosom Buddy's era

[45:51] when he was like

[45:52] really like

[45:52] when he was working out a lot

[45:53] Bosom Buddy's era

[45:54] when he was like

[45:54] he had those 40 inch pythons

[45:56] yeah definitely

[45:57] but yeah there's

[45:58] Cole is

[45:59] I mean he's just a

[46:00] he is a total blank

[46:01] he is an open doorway

[46:02] for us to walk into

[46:03] the world of Mortal Kombat and there is otherwise not much there uh and yeah but and there's there's

[46:09] this rivalry between Kano and Sonya that is instantly has so much more personality than

[46:14] anything that Cole is doing and Kano taunts Sonya into attacking him and he's like kill me then take

[46:19] my dragon mark but she won't do it uh but that's okay because suddenly out of the sunset who's

[46:24] walking in it's Liu Kang with his karate fire hands Stuart tell me about Liu Kang. Liu Kang was

[46:30] always kind of like the was like kind of the bland good guy who until cole came along yep exactly

[46:37] i mean cole kind of is filling the role that luke kang normally would fill uh at some point he he's

[46:43] like the lover of princess katana who's the daughter of shao kahn uh and he is like a monk

[46:49] and he uh can turn into a dragon in some of his fatalities you know guys the like the collective

[46:56] amount of bullshit that is in all of our brains you know i don't know what we could do with it

[47:02] but if we could harness that power somehow it's called the flop house yeah this is the only way

[47:07] to do it i don't it all swirls together it creates some kind of like lovecraftian dark god

[47:15] that will destroy the earth made of fictional mythoses and things uh good news they get to

[47:22] raiden's cave they know they learn about the past because the cave is decorated with historical

[47:26] mortal kombat murals and as we know from the zack snyder justice all about wall work that's what

[47:30] they do in this movie right like sonia has a wall and now there's a wall in this cave and just the

[47:36] let the wall tell the story okay no one has time to talk to you no one has time for a flashback

[47:40] just let the wall do it it's just like in the justice league movie murals are the best way to

[47:44] communicate complicated backstories and that's the interesting difference between earth realm

[47:48] and Outworld because the heroes of Earthrealm

[47:50] decorate their walls, whereas Outworld,

[47:52] they have no walls. Not even the

[47:54] throne room. It's just like a cliff.

[47:56] Yeah, what were those

[47:58] people doing in the background, by the way,

[48:00] in Outworld? They were just like

[48:02] wandering around? Is that what happened?

[48:03] Yep, going on a pilgrimage. I mean, no wonder

[48:06] they want Earthrealm because there's stuff here.

[48:08] There's like nothing in Outworld, so like

[48:10] who wouldn't want, I mean, if anything,

[48:12] you totally sympathize with the people of Outworld

[48:14] who just see Earthrealm and they're like,

[48:15] look at all the things they have. Like,

[48:18] We have nothing, and they're not offering it to us,

[48:20] so we better go in and take it.

[48:22] Right, remember the George Carlin bit

[48:24] about how Outworld doesn't have stuff?

[48:26] Yeah, his famous most combat stuff bit.

[48:29] Yeah, yeah, that was great, yeah.

[48:31] The seven fatalities you can't do

[48:33] in the Saturday morning cartoon, yeah.

[48:35] Outworld is all one big concept art drawing

[48:42] for a desert.

[48:45] That is Outworld.

[48:46] Yeah, Outworld, it's your basic Tatooine, Arrakis place

[48:50] that the Toonie Forks take you in Phantasm,

[48:52] where it's just like an open desert and there's no stuff there.

[48:54] Wow, two Phantasm references.

[48:55] I've been thinking about Phantasm a lot lately.

[48:57] It's cheap.

[48:59] I think that's the point, you know?

[49:00] Yeah, and it is very cheap, yeah, because there's no stuff.

[49:03] You don't have to fill it with anything.

[49:04] Oh, wait.

[49:05] Can I quick point out something that we only saw

[49:08] on the second time watching the movie?

[49:10] Please do.

[49:11] When they're fighting that reptile.

[49:14] when they're fighting the reptile when like kano kano kano and sonja blade like

[49:21] when keynote speaker when kino lorber is fighting the reptile yeah

[49:27] or someone asked sonja where's your marking and she goes i don't have one

[49:31] and then kano in the background goes

[49:34] and i only saw them the second time and i died it was so funny and that's what i wanted more of

[49:43] that's what i love i'm like give me the wah-wah in the back and i also love that it was in the

[49:48] background there was no need to cut to him just like let me hear that and really enjoy that and

[49:52] that was very delightful it was the kind of energy that like the first mortal kombat had where it was

[49:57] like this weird uh the original mortal kombat movie had this it was like a weird tournament

[50:02] at this rich sorcerer's magic island where like all these weirdos just showed up because they're

[50:08] like i want to fucking battle and you had like a little bit everything you had like jerks like

[50:14] johnny cage you had jerks like kano you had sonja blade who wanted to kill kano you had agoro it was

[50:19] great uh but this movie it's like the motivation is just like protecting earth realm who gives a

[50:24] shit about that i want people who want to go to a fucking tournament on a magic island well because

[50:28] the first mortal kombat is very much still in a time when martial arts means enter the dragon

[50:34] like it's still living in that world where like if you're gonna have martial arts fighting it's

[50:37] gonna be kind of a enter the dragon type of space but now it's in the world of marvel movies where

[50:42] it's like if we play this right every single one of these characters is gonna have their own movie

[50:47] and we're gonna have like a trilogy where they go to outworld and overthrow shang tsung or whatever

[50:51] so it's they gotta they gotta add all this junk when yeah it'd be so much more fun if it was just

[50:56] like you just saw all these characters getting on planes and buses heading to the tournament you

[51:01] know it's way better yeah anyway jax is also at lord raiden's temple his arms are gone and he is

[51:07] unconscious. Uh-oh, what's going to happen to Jax?

[51:09] Liu Kang is like,

[51:11] you guys need to train or Earth will be ravaged.

[51:13] And he introduces them to Lord Raiden, who is

[51:15] visibly disappointed that these are the

[51:17] people who showed up.

[51:18] Absolutely.

[51:21] He's like, you don't even have a mark, woman.

[51:23] I don't know what you're doing here. You're a liability.

[51:25] Who invited her?

[51:26] Three or four of them show up, right?

[51:28] It's just like this tiny group.

[51:29] It's like, we're here.

[51:32] I heard this wasn't a birthmark, so I'm here to fight.

[51:37] Do I get, like, a coupon for some Dairy Queen or something?

[51:41] He turns to Cole and he's like, and what are you?

[51:43] Like, who are you?

[51:44] What is your deal?

[51:45] Like, why are you here, Cole?

[51:46] I have a daughter.

[51:47] That's not enough.

[51:48] That's not enough.

[51:49] I don't think they could give away a coupon to Dairy Queen because blizzards are Sub-Zero's weapon.

[51:55] Very well put, Stuart, because Sub-Zero shows up and he starts fighting Liu Kang, but then he gets saved by a guy with a really wide hat.

[52:04] Stuart, who's this guy?

[52:06] Elliot, the funny thing about you asking me this is that when, it's a funny thing we talk about Kung Lao of all people, is when I went and saw this in the theater, I went with my buddy Riff.

[52:16] We went to a five o'clock.

[52:18] Riff?

[52:19] Yeah, my buddy Riff.

[52:20] He was a junkyard cat.

[52:21] Yeah.

[52:22] We went to a 5 p.m. screening.

[52:27] We were the only people in the movie theater.

[52:28] So I felt totally comfortable any time a character like, for instance, Kung Lao would show up, I could turn to him and be like, hey, Riff, that's Kung Lao.

[52:36] He obviously knew it was Kung Lao already,

[52:38] not only because the character announces it

[52:39] as soon as he arrives,

[52:40] but also because he's a fan of the video games like me.

[52:42] And we would, but oh, we would laugh.

[52:45] It's so funny.

[52:46] I would like to say, you know,

[52:49] as someone who knows Riff,

[52:50] the person you are imagining

[52:53] when you hear the name Riff is Riff.

[52:55] That's Riff.

[52:55] Thank you.

[52:56] Thank you, absolutely.

[52:57] It's like my friend Thor.

[52:59] He's a total Riff.

[53:01] Oh yeah, Thor is a real Thor, too.

[53:03] Wait, what?

[53:04] Yeah.

[53:04] That wasn't a joke?

[53:06] Nope.

[53:06] What a life you live, Stuart.

[53:09] With his cabinet of figures and eating whole mangoes, no bites.

[53:14] Just giant, you guys, he was having giant chunks of mango, no bites.

[53:19] He just put the whole mango in his mouth and pulled out the skin and the pit.

[53:23] Pulled out a fish skeleton, which is the weird thing.

[53:25] Right, him and Rip.

[53:28] So, Liu Kang is like, hey, you each have special powers called Arcana, and you're going to figure out what that is.

[53:33] They're going to merge through training.

[53:35] The more you fight, the more your arcana comes out.

[53:36] But only if you have a dragon mark, Sonya.

[53:39] And also, Jax gets robot arms, but they're really little and wimpy.

[53:43] They look like Johnny Five's arms.

[53:45] Yes!

[53:46] And so now it's a lot of training.

[53:48] Cole is training against Kung Lao's razor hat.

[53:50] And there's this part.

[53:52] I think it's the only part of the movie.

[53:53] There's a lot of synth on the score, and I was loving it.

[53:55] I loved the score on that part.

[53:56] I'm a big sucker for synth.

[53:57] Again, as I said, it's the Sparks movie.

[54:00] That's what I'm most excited about.

[54:01] There's a lot of fighting that takes place in this sand pit area.

[54:04] And I hope you like it

[54:06] Because that's basically

[54:07] Where all the fights

[54:08] Are going to take place

[54:08] You're going to see

[54:09] A lot of fighting in the sand

[54:10] It's training

[54:10] Training

[54:11] Training

[54:11] And Jax's confidence

[54:12] Is down

[54:13] Because he's got

[54:14] These skinny robot arms

[54:15] That don't punch very well

[54:16] And Sonya gives him

[54:17] A pep talk

[54:18] And Cole can't get

[54:18] His arcana

[54:19] Cole can't get

[54:19] His arcana

[54:20] But here's the thing

[54:21] Again

[54:21] So we have this fight

[54:23] Right

[54:23] We know it's the last fight

[54:24] They're in this realm

[54:26] That's just like

[54:27] A sandbox

[54:28] Are they there a day

[54:30] Are they there an hour

[54:31] No idea

[54:32] What's happening on earth

[54:33] Right

[54:33] The wife and the daughter

[54:34] Or in some house

[54:35] Where I'm like

[54:35] Whose house is this

[54:36] There's like a cabin somewhere

[54:37] Yeah a cabin

[54:37] But it's like

[54:38] And like stuff like that to me

[54:39] Where I'm like

[54:40] You could give me a sense

[54:41] Of how time is passing

[54:43] And why maybe

[54:44] We care

[54:45] Like whenever like

[54:46] Earth is in danger right

[54:47] There's nothing I love more

[54:49] Than like

[54:49] A little pop to earth

[54:50] And like

[54:51] Suddenly locusts

[54:52] Fall from the sky

[54:53] You know what I mean

[54:53] They're like

[54:53] Oh god the bridge is breaking

[54:55] The space time

[54:56] Or put a calendar

[54:57] In the corner

[54:58] Put a calendar

[54:59] In the corner

[54:59] And show the pages

[55:00] Yeah sure

[55:01] My beard grows super long

[55:03] super long

[55:05] I think Cole

[55:06] should have a long beard

[55:07] by the time

[55:08] he's done training

[55:09] or if you're ZZ Top

[55:10] your long beard

[55:11] gets longer

[55:12] yeah even longer

[55:13] until you're tripping over it

[55:14] I want to see them

[55:15] they have a page a day

[55:15] calendar in the corner

[55:16] and you just see the pages

[55:17] falling off

[55:18] and then Liu Kang

[55:19] is like close that window

[55:20] it's blowing all the pages

[55:21] off the calendar

[55:22] so what about

[55:24] just a clock

[55:25] and you see the

[55:25] the thing spin

[55:27] like a helicopter

[55:27] and Liu Kang is like

[55:28] hey someone fix that clock

[55:29] it's spinning too fast

[55:30] and fans of the games

[55:33] would clearly see

[55:34] that's a reference

[55:34] to Kronika

[55:35] the bad guy

[55:35] from one of the later

[55:36] Mortal Kombat entries

[55:37] wow Stuart

[55:39] absolutely

[55:39] Kronika the

[55:41] marijuana themed

[55:42] Mortal Kombat villain

[55:42] is it Kronika and Album

[55:43] yeah yeah

[55:44] sure

[55:45] yeah yeah

[55:46] she used the Necronomicon

[55:47] uh

[55:48] Necronomicon

[55:50] now we know

[55:50] they're there at least two days

[55:51] because they're eating dinner

[55:52] at one point

[55:53] and Kano is super rude

[55:54] to everybody

[55:55] and Liu and Kung

[55:56] they just taunt him

[55:57] until he starts

[55:58] shooting eye lasers

[55:58] out of his eyes

[55:59] and he's like

[55:59] yes my Arcana

[56:00] it's an eye laser

[56:01] Cole's still won't come out

[56:04] Even after they hit him a bunch of times

[56:05] It just won't come out they don't know

[56:07] And Raiden is like hey Cole

[56:08] You're descended from Hanzo's baby that I saved

[56:12] Go to your family I don't need you here anymore

[56:13] You're just a baby to me

[56:15] He's like you are very disappointing

[56:18] You can leave and then he opens a portal

[56:20] And Cole's like okay

[56:21] He's like sad but he doesn't really put up a fight

[56:24] He's like okay

[56:25] Anyone explain why Earthrealm waited so long

[56:28] To gather everyone

[56:29] someone's memo didn't get sent it really seems like a letter got lost along the way and they're

[56:36] like oh shit is it that day already yeah the email was in the draft folder they forgot to hit send

[56:41] also like that lord raiden is like i have three people to choose from cole you're one of them

[56:46] you're gonna have to pack your knives and go like i don't want you here anymore it's like you have

[56:50] nobody else what are you doing yeah you have no one i mean it's just like i can assume that they

[56:55] were sending emails to like the u.s senate and the u.s government's like the american people

[57:01] don't care about stuff outside of america okay they don't care about outworld yada yada well

[57:06] the democrats kept trying they kept sponsoring bills that would increase funding for mortal

[57:10] combat fighters and mitch mcconnell would get up and be like i don't think we need to have all

[57:14] this government support of mortal combat you know this isn't necessary uh honestly is this

[57:21] This movie, this is real?

[57:22] Is this his VLG?

[57:23] Because he's doing so much.

[57:24] I've got to do two more voices.

[57:25] By the way, this is the movie I want to see.

[57:26] You want to see, yeah, the Senate turning down funding for World War II.

[57:29] When the Senate is debating over it, and Mitch McConnell's like,

[57:31] I think Lord Raven has more than enough fighters already his command.

[57:36] I don't see why we need to increase government funding from our taxpayer dollars.

[57:41] He's already got a Kano.

[57:43] He's got a Liu Kang.

[57:45] What might Bernie Sanders say now?

[57:47] And Bernie Sanders would be like, it is unconscionable that in European nations the government fully supports Mortal Kombat fighters, but here we have to put it on the average American to fight against outworlders.

[58:00] It's unconscionable.

[58:01] We can't allow it, and we're not going to allow it.

[58:03] You know, I mean, if you were a little bit sort of like beefier, Elliot, you would be a dead ringer for like a younger Bernie Sanders.

[58:10] Because I'm Jewish.

[58:11] I mean, it's just that I'm Jewish.

[58:12] Wow.

[58:14] I'm a Jewish guy with glasses, but thank you.

[58:17] It's the biggest compliment of all to be told I'm a thinner Birdie Sanders.

[58:20] Thank you.

[58:21] So anyway, and then, yeah, and Elizabeth Warren.

[58:26] And now I'm just doing all my impressions.

[58:28] Now, Elizabeth Warren will be like, Elizabeth Warren's like, we need Mortal Kombat fighters.

[58:33] I've got a plan for that.

[58:34] Here's my plan for that.

[58:35] Anyway, so.

[58:36] You have the depth.

[58:37] What is happening?

[58:38] They've got a sub-zero.

[58:40] This is the depth of the average Saturday Night Live impression.

[58:43] Well, we need to take this episode and kick it back to like two years ago, basically, when there were still all these candidates in the running.

[58:49] Then we make it my reel.

[58:50] I get on SNL.

[58:52] It's a terrible experience.

[58:53] I don't enjoy it.

[58:54] Right, right.

[58:55] But that's how I get catapulted into having small roles in lots of comedy movies that I don't enjoy.

[58:59] Okay, so Outworld.

[59:02] Let's meet some more baddies because Shang Tsung is about to bring up K-Ball.

[59:07] K-Ball, yeah, K-Ball.

[59:09] Nitara who gets a big build up and is killed

[59:11] instantly later on and General

[59:13] Raiko who was I think my least

[59:15] the one I was least interested in

[59:17] he's just like a big dude with a lot of hammer or something

[59:19] he seemed like there was less going on with him

[59:21] two characters him

[59:23] and who's the one with the wings

[59:25] Nitara two brand new

[59:27] characters of the series so fans of the

[59:29] series were like I know who's getting a fatality

[59:32] performed on them

[59:33] oh so the woman with the wings is not from the

[59:37] video no now i just really i was like there's not enough going on in the actual video game that they

[59:43] had to make a woman with wings because i really felt like they have enough characters to play

[59:47] with they have a ton of characters but i don't think they want to kill them off with fatalities

[59:50] so quickly i see what you're saying but like okay so as a person who had played the game

[59:55] when the characters you recognize came on screen were you satisfied were you satan well i immediately

[1:00:01] turned a riff and said that character's name out loud absolutely yep but uh i mean i i don't know

[1:00:09] not i don't care uh i mean the the roster is so large and they only showed a few characters

[1:00:16] didn't get to see any of my favorites like johnny cage or uh man i guess like i feel i was a big fan

[1:00:23] of kano and i feel like kano is represented as like a shitty asshole who you shouldn't like but

[1:00:28] by the fact that there is no other interesting characters.

[1:00:32] You have to root for the racist asshole.

[1:00:34] Yeah, he's the only one with personality.

[1:00:37] So Shang Tsung is like, I want you to strike,

[1:00:40] but first you have to take down Raiden's shield

[1:00:43] at his headquarters.

[1:00:43] So yes, it's the same thing that the heroes have to do

[1:00:46] in Justice League, but backwards.

[1:00:48] It's the villains doing it now.

[1:00:50] And it's weird because, and Cabal hates Kano.

[1:00:53] He hates him.

[1:00:53] Yeah, they're like former colleagues.

[1:00:57] They're former colleagues.

[1:00:58] And you get the feeling that Cabal, who's in like a suit of – like a living – like he's a cyborg.

[1:01:05] A Mad Max suit.

[1:01:06] He's like in a Mad Max outfit, and he says he has an iron lung.

[1:01:09] Yeah, that Kano probably put him in that situation.

[1:01:12] So Cabal visits Kano, and I'm like, so the shield that's stopping them, that didn't bother him when he went in?

[1:01:20] It's one of the things where like there's a shield keeping us back, so go in there and turn the shield off.

[1:01:24] okay or we could just go in like if that's if it's not that big an issue maybe if you go really

[1:01:30] slowly through it it's not an issue it's like a really slow one at a time thing i get it i get

[1:01:36] you and he's like kano you should shut down that shield and turn into a bad guy and kano does

[1:01:41] exactly that and shang tsung shows up meanwhile who shows up at cole's family's house goro

[1:01:48] prince and everybody starts fighting and battling battle battle battle battle you get your first

[1:01:54] really gory death as kang lao's hat becomes like a spinning saw blade that cuts nitara right down

[1:01:59] the middle classic classic fatality yep she's the slipknot of the film big build-up character dies

[1:02:05] almost instantly uh and kang lao says flawless victory another tip of the big wide razor-brimmed

[1:02:11] hat normally to get a flawless victory you have to not get hit at all and i feel like he got hit

[1:02:16] somewhere in there but i have to check the tapes i mean to be the life bar go down any though that's

[1:02:22] the thing you gotta figure out well he might even take chip damage on on block it just depends on

[1:02:26] the attacks he was blocking well and that also that it seems to be pretty clear that they kind

[1:02:31] of all make up the rules and judge themselves the way shang tsung is like i guess i'll kill all of

[1:02:35] my competitors beforehand and kung lao is just when you're judging your own match of course it's

[1:02:39] going to be a flawless victory like come on there's there's no way it's not coming uh uh

[1:02:43] Cole is fighting Goro.

[1:02:44] Cole's wife.

[1:02:45] Can we talk about how Kano, though?

[1:02:47] Yes.

[1:02:47] And this is another thing to me, like, this finesse of, like, for instance, I like Kano.

[1:02:50] I know he's a wild card.

[1:02:52] I know he's going to bring us down, naturally.

[1:02:53] Yeah.

[1:02:54] Yeah.

[1:02:54] But this is where the laziness of the motion picture annoyed me.

[1:02:57] Because literally, this guy's like, I fucking hate Kano.

[1:03:00] And then he's like, Kano, you stupid bitch.

[1:03:02] Come fight with me.

[1:03:03] I fucking hate you.

[1:03:05] And Kano's like, all right.

[1:03:06] And, like, that was it.

[1:03:08] Like, that, you know, there was no sense of, like, Kano.

[1:03:13] no drama no there was no like no hiccup no challenge no need to be seduced because i

[1:03:17] thought they could at least play that a little longer like kano maybe with him like slowly

[1:03:22] creeping around the seduction of kano now is that not a film now mortal kombat colon the seduction

[1:03:29] of kano wow yeah and so like so cabal is like laid out on pillows and stuff yeah yeah he's late but

[1:03:37] he's like so mean like the whole time he's like i hate you but also come do this for me for some

[1:03:42] money and i'm like is money even gonna mean anything in in outworld right there's nothing

[1:03:47] to if cabal is just like take all my money dumbass there's nothing to buy here like it's

[1:03:53] useless i feel like in the games if you get like combat coins you can just spend them on different

[1:03:58] outfits for your character which i mean that kind of thing looks great i mean hey we've all opened

[1:04:04] up one of those boxes in overwatch to get the cool outfits right the halloween costumes but

[1:04:09] you know yeah we've all done it but it's not necessary you know you don't need it but you

[1:04:15] kind of need it you know what i mean it's a gray area yeah sure uh i have two things i want to say

[1:04:20] one dan you mentioned zalman king which is a great name for a mortal kombat character

[1:04:24] to no you're right some sort of king i'd imagine yeah i would have to assume so uh

[1:04:32] i you mentioned i kept expecting cabal to be like kano join us and take down the shield and then

[1:04:38] kano would do it and then cabal would kill kano and be like you shouldn't have trusted me but

[1:04:42] that's not what happens kano's just a bad guy now it does yep it doesn't yeah there's no the

[1:04:47] characters are not consistent anyway the goro fight cole's wife she runs up she's got to save

[1:04:51] her man she chops goro on the side with an axe justice league comparison unlike wussy darkside

[1:04:56] he does not instantly give up after being hit with an axe once um but then cole's arcana darkside

[1:05:02] featured in the injustice video game made by netherrealm studios who also make mortal combat

[1:05:07] Okay, this is a lot, Stuart

[1:05:10] This is too much, Stuart

[1:05:11] Sorry if I'm stunting on you

[1:05:13] Just take a picture

[1:05:16] of your wall

[1:05:18] with all the connections and yarn

[1:05:20] and send it to her

[1:05:21] It's all publicly available information

[1:05:24] There's no reason for me to do it

[1:05:25] It's like the Tommy Westfall universe on TV

[1:05:28] Exactly

[1:05:30] Okay, so

[1:05:31] That's a common reference, right?

[1:05:33] The Tommy Westfall universe

[1:05:34] That's a relevant, topical, recent reference

[1:05:37] So it's Cole's arcana kicks in to save his family because he's a family man.

[1:05:42] What's his arcana?

[1:05:43] It's a little confused.

[1:05:45] He gets metal skin and he has blade wrists and a super uppercut.

[1:05:49] And he just cuts Goro up and he blinds him.

[1:05:51] I think he pokes his eyes out and then he disembowels him and Goro's guts come out.

[1:05:54] And I was like, this is pretty gory.

[1:05:56] This is pretty disgusting.

[1:05:58] So Goro, once again, Mortal Kombat movies don't do justice by him.

[1:06:03] He doesn't get much time.

[1:06:05] Probably because he's an expensive character to show a lot of because he's a giant.

[1:06:08] He's an all-CGI giant with four arms.

[1:06:11] Another missed opportunity is when Cole finally unleashes his fucking uppercut.

[1:06:16] Just like in the game, blood flies everywhere.

[1:06:18] But what they don't do is have somebody's head pop into the corner of the screen and say,

[1:06:22] Toasty, which is a key part of the game.

[1:06:25] It's hilarious.

[1:06:26] Never happened once.

[1:06:27] And other characters get burned alive.

[1:06:28] There's no toasty moment.

[1:06:31] I think it's terrible.

[1:06:31] Was there ever a friendship moment in this or no?

[1:06:35] Well, I don't think so.

[1:06:36] I wish that a hero had helped another hero and then gone, friendship.

[1:06:40] That would have been great.

[1:06:41] You would fight for a whole time, and then you would give them a teddy bear,

[1:06:44] and then instead of fatality above their body, their dead body,

[1:06:47] it would be the words friendship written in balloon animals.

[1:06:50] That's another thing you can do in Mortal Kombat.

[1:06:51] But why would you give them a teddy?

[1:06:54] I don't understand.

[1:06:55] In Mortal Kombat, if you don't want to do a fatality,

[1:06:58] you can do a friendship, and you give them a cake or a teddy bear or a heart,

[1:07:01] and it just says friendship, and you don't kill them.

[1:07:03] And it stops the fight, like whatever fighting you're doing, you just stop it for the gift.

[1:07:06] Yeah, because that's your victory move at the end.

[1:07:07] It's over.

[1:07:07] Your victory is the moral victory of knowing that you could have won, but you've chosen.

[1:07:11] Yes, you are magnanimous in victory.

[1:07:13] Or if you want to make your opponent feel terrible, if you did not use the block button a single time during the match,

[1:07:24] you can perform a babality, which turns your opponent into a baby.

[1:07:28] I wish that had been in the movie.

[1:07:31] I was waiting for that to show up in the movie too.

[1:07:32] Yeah, it turns him into a baby version of their character.

[1:07:34] Yeah, that's a babe ality.

[1:07:35] Does he take care of the baby?

[1:07:36] I don't think he, I mean, we don't follow the life of the baby afterwards, so I can

[1:07:40] assume yes.

[1:07:40] You raised him?

[1:07:43] Now, is this in the later version?

[1:07:45] So could one make like a Freddy Krueger baby?

[1:07:47] Yeah, theoretically.

[1:07:48] Okay.

[1:07:50] I can't remember if they had babe alities in MK9 with Freddy Krueger, but I'm pretty

[1:07:55] sure there's one where like you get a little Jason Voorhees baby in MKX.

[1:07:58] Yes, that's crazy.

[1:07:59] I mean, but that's just the end of Friday the 13th Part 8,

[1:08:02] A Little Jason Baby.

[1:08:03] Exactly, it's the same thing.

[1:08:04] Yeah.

[1:08:05] This is crazy.

[1:08:06] Wait, I still don't even understand

[1:08:08] why these other characters can be in the video game.

[1:08:11] That will be a separate episode, perhaps for your Patreon.

[1:08:14] It involves intellectual property law.

[1:08:15] It's really exciting.

[1:08:16] The IP house.

[1:08:17] Okay, so yeah.

[1:08:19] So we'll keep moving with this

[1:08:21] because there's not that much movie left.

[1:08:22] Jax's arcana finally kicks in.

[1:08:24] It means that his robot arms become big versions

[1:08:26] like his human arms were.

[1:08:28] They're just big robot arms.

[1:08:29] And he saves Sonya from a bunch of fallen boulders.

[1:08:31] Lord Raiden brings Cole back to the cave and Shang Tsung steals Kung Lao's soul and just dries him up like a withered husk.

[1:08:38] And Raiden teleports the good guys to a void.

[1:08:40] He's like, I don't know what to do.

[1:08:41] We don't have a lot of good guys on hand.

[1:08:43] And Cole, master strategist that we know him to be from throughout the movie, he goes, they don't want a competition?

[1:08:49] Let's give them one.

[1:08:51] We'll each split up and take on a different opponent in a different place.

[1:08:54] And I'm like, yeah, the work that a screenwriter has to put into explaining why you have one-on-one fights in different backgrounds, that's really funny to me.

[1:09:03] But it's funny because it's like the idea is we'll split them up and take them on one-on-one as if teamwork was the secret strength that Shang Tsung's people had, and that's why they were losing.

[1:09:13] They were all one-on-one fights.

[1:09:15] Why does it matter if they're in different places?

[1:09:17] But anyway, that's what they do.

[1:09:18] Super battle, super battle, super battle.

[1:09:21] Jax fights Raikou.

[1:09:23] Head smashes him, Story of Ricky style.

[1:09:25] So that's the thing.

[1:09:26] Like, obviously that's a classic Jax fatality, smashing that dude's head.

[1:09:29] However, they're having the fight on the fucking pit, you know, on this bridge above a pit.

[1:09:34] And that had a stage fatality where you could uppercut your opponent off of the bridge and they would land in the pit bottom on some spikes.

[1:09:40] And then sometimes you'd go down there and fight Reptile.

[1:09:42] Why didn't they do that, guys?

[1:09:44] Can anyone answer that?

[1:09:45] Yes.

[1:09:45] Absolutely.

[1:09:46] You're correct.

[1:09:47] You're correct.

[1:09:47] But then here's a question.

[1:09:50] Like, do you think this is a movie that was, like, so many blockbusters written, like, you know, rewritten a hundred times?

[1:09:57] Because it, to me, feels like a first draft.

[1:09:59] Like, it feels like a movie that was not written enough.

[1:10:02] You know what I mean?

[1:10:03] Like, even what you were saying, Elliot, too, about, like, you know, it's like, okay, we're in the void now.

[1:10:08] Why don't we just go fight them what I want?

[1:10:10] Right.

[1:10:11] It's like, okay, first thought, best thought?

[1:10:13] They took Elliot's synopsis and they turned that into the movie.

[1:10:16] They did.

[1:10:16] Like, it's just, like, really.

[1:10:17] That's a shooting script.

[1:10:19] Yeah, it fell back in time, and they were like,

[1:10:21] yeah, let's just do the movie that way.

[1:10:22] It sounds like we did.

[1:10:23] So Jax kills Raikou.

[1:10:26] Sonya fights Kano, stabs him in the eye with a garden gnome,

[1:10:29] and his dragon mark transfers to her arm.

[1:10:32] Looks like she's a champion now.

[1:10:33] Which is all she wanted.

[1:10:35] All Sonya wanted was to be in the movie.

[1:10:37] She just wanted to be a plus one.

[1:10:39] She had a little Dolezal energy.

[1:10:41] We were calling her kind of Rachel Dolezal, but for champion.

[1:10:43] Audrey was asking me, she was like,

[1:10:47] do you think this is like a commentary,

[1:10:48] like the one woman needs to prove herself

[1:10:51] to get the mark?

[1:10:52] And I'm like,

[1:10:52] I don't think they thought about it that much.

[1:10:56] I think it is more a symptom

[1:10:57] of that kind of assumed misogyny

[1:10:59] than it is a commentary

[1:11:00] on that kind of assumed misogyny.

[1:11:02] Liu Kang,

[1:11:04] he just lures Cabal into some tar

[1:11:07] and then makes a fire dragon that eats him.

[1:11:09] It's not,

[1:11:09] Cabal kind of just walks right into that one.

[1:11:11] And Sonya can shoot like plasma blasts or something

[1:11:15] and kills Melina,

[1:11:16] who is the kind of psylocke.

[1:11:18] Josh Molina?

[1:11:19] Yeah, exactly.

[1:11:20] Yes, the writer.

[1:11:21] Alfred Molina?

[1:11:23] Alfred Molina.

[1:11:24] Kills Alfred Molina.

[1:11:25] Oh, it's terrifying.

[1:11:26] Sub-Zero kidnaps Cole's family.

[1:11:28] I don't know why.

[1:11:29] Not sure why, but he does.

[1:11:32] Cole is already itching for a fight.

[1:11:34] There's no reason to bring the family into it.

[1:11:35] Maybe he knows the family is susceptible to ice attacks.

[1:11:39] Maybe, yeah.

[1:11:41] The bloodline is susceptible to ice attacks.

[1:11:44] Well, the thing is, he could have said,

[1:11:45] they could have had something in there.

[1:11:46] Maybe there was and I missed it about like cutting off the Hanzo bloodline because Cole's daughter obviously is the next in that line.

[1:11:52] But he doesn't say that because Sub-Zero is a man of very few words.

[1:11:55] He's Bi-Han.

[1:11:55] The only thing he says is I'm Sub-Zero.

[1:11:57] So Cole fights him for a while.

[1:12:00] And the building that he's hidden in now, his kind of Ninja Turtles abandoned warehouse lair, is now fully frozen.

[1:12:07] And it's like an MMA arena, right?

[1:12:10] It's the one from the beginning.

[1:12:12] This is where I, like, again, I could see the producers going, look, we built the stupid MMA ring.

[1:12:19] Can we just use it a second time?

[1:12:20] We don't have the money.

[1:12:21] Just put some ice on it and make that the final place.

[1:12:24] Make it look like slightly different.

[1:12:25] They fight for a long time.

[1:12:27] And then who comes back with very little explanation?

[1:12:29] Hanzo.

[1:12:31] He's back from the dead as Scorpion.

[1:12:33] Hanzo's there.

[1:12:33] He explains it himself.

[1:12:35] He says, literally, I return from hell to kill you.

[1:12:37] What more do you need?

[1:12:40] Yeah, and he didn't do that earlier or ever in the last 400 years.

[1:12:44] But thank you, it's been like 400 years.

[1:12:45] Exactly.

[1:12:46] I'm like, okay, why were you coming back now?

[1:12:48] He had stuff to do.

[1:12:49] Just because we love you.

[1:12:51] Again, the letter got lost in the mail.

[1:12:53] Yeah, he didn't realize what was going on.

[1:12:55] There's so much paperwork.

[1:12:55] He says, get over here, finally.

[1:12:58] This fight goes on for a long time.

[1:13:01] And it's like, there's that three-man fight scene in the raid that goes on for a long time.

[1:13:05] And this feels like it's not quite at that level.

[1:13:08] It's trying to be something like that, where you're awed at the sheer endurance of them fighting for so long.

[1:13:12] It's still a great fight sequence.

[1:13:13] It's pretty good.

[1:13:14] Yeah.

[1:13:15] I mean, I think this is like the selling reel.

[1:13:19] Like, they shot this, and they're like, hey, give us more money, please, because this looks great, right?

[1:13:22] And it goes on for a long time until Scorpion breathes fire on Sub-Zero, and then he dies.

[1:13:27] And it's like, again, were you building up your turbo bar with each punch?

[1:13:32] And that's until you can get fire breath?

[1:13:33] Hanzo disappears.

[1:13:35] Everyone reunites.

[1:13:36] And now Shang Tsung is mad because all of his champions have been killed.

[1:13:41] And he says, next time I'll come back with armies, which is, again, also the end of the Justice League Zack Snyder cut.

[1:13:46] Like, this movie has so much in common with that movie.

[1:13:48] And Raiden says to our heroes, I'll help you find some more fighters.

[1:13:52] And it's like, dude, just find them.

[1:13:53] Like, don't give them clues.

[1:13:55] Like, just go find them yourself.

[1:13:57] What are you doing with your time?

[1:13:58] Nothing.

[1:13:58] Yeah, what does he have to do?

[1:14:00] He's literally been alive forever, ever.

[1:14:01] He has so much time to kill.

[1:14:03] There's nothing going on in his cave.

[1:14:05] You know what I mean?

[1:14:06] there's no cable there's no wi-fi and it's like you have one wall that you've already decorated

[1:14:11] so it's like you might as well go look for fighters you have time to kill and why doesn't

[1:14:15] outworld invade in the first place wait what yeah why don't they because of the law because

[1:14:20] the i don't know why why it's one of those things where like i think about it sometimes where the

[1:14:27] way that uh and it's the answer is budget like that it's but the why why do aliens always invade

[1:14:32] with either a minimal force

[1:14:33] in a big city

[1:14:34] or a big force

[1:14:35] in the middle of nowhere

[1:14:35] because budget.

[1:14:36] And like when in reality

[1:14:38] when you want to invade a place

[1:14:39] like you send

[1:14:40] or the same way that

[1:14:41] it made me so mad

[1:14:42] in Avengers

[1:14:43] was it Infinity War

[1:14:45] or Endgame?

[1:14:45] I think it's Infinity War

[1:14:46] where Thanos attacks

[1:14:47] and first he sends

[1:14:49] his foot soldiers

[1:14:50] then he sends

[1:14:51] his super foot soldiers

[1:14:52] then he sends

[1:14:53] his heavy artillery

[1:14:54] and tanks

[1:14:54] and it's like

[1:14:55] that's not the way

[1:14:55] you would do that dude.

[1:14:56] Like soften them up

[1:14:57] with your heavy weapons.

[1:14:57] Like how many worlds

[1:14:59] did you defeat dude?

[1:15:00] Exactly.

[1:15:00] This is how you did it.

[1:15:02] Or in the Justice League movie where Darkseid has spaceships that he could bomb from above,

[1:15:07] but instead he sends his guys down to fight hand to hand.

[1:15:10] And he sends them to the place all the good guys have already landed.

[1:15:13] Go somewhere else.

[1:15:14] There's a whole world.

[1:15:15] Establish a beachhead.

[1:15:17] Get your bases.

[1:15:17] I mean, maybe he's just working under some sort of outdated intergalactic sense of fair play.

[1:15:24] He's the British in the Revolutionary War, and we're the scrappy gorilla planet.

[1:15:32] I don't know.

[1:15:32] I guess so.

[1:15:33] Right, or the Intergalactic Geneva Convention.

[1:15:35] So anyway, end of the last scene, Cole is now a Mortal Kombat champion.

[1:15:39] He's got to go seek out some other heroes.

[1:15:41] He tells, I guess, his trainer, or he tells the guy at the MMA gym.

[1:15:45] Who books his black market fights.

[1:15:48] His fights, I know.

[1:15:50] That he's going to Hollywood, and he goes, okay.

[1:15:54] And then the trainer or whoever, Booker, walks by a poster for a movie called Citizen Cage, starring Johnny Cage, who's wearing a big belt buckle that says Cage.

[1:16:01] And I was like, do they not know how movies and movie posters work?

[1:16:05] Or is everyone in this movie playing themselves?

[1:16:08] Because usually when you make a movie, your name's not in the title and you don't have a belt buckle with your name on it.

[1:16:14] Charlie Kaufman wrote this screenplay for Citizen Cage.

[1:16:17] Oh, okay.

[1:16:18] Now I get it.

[1:16:19] Never mind.

[1:16:20] Now I understand.

[1:16:21] It's a meta commentary on action movies.

[1:16:23] Now I get it.

[1:16:24] And so they're teasing that at some point in the future, we're going to get Johnny Cage, who is a movie star?

[1:16:30] What is he, Stuart?

[1:16:31] Yeah, he's an action movie star.

[1:16:32] He's an action star, and they're going to get him for real.

[1:16:35] Okay.

[1:16:36] Because he's a champion.

[1:16:37] He's really put his skills to the test.

[1:16:38] And he was the one who had the famous nut punch ability that he used on Goro in the Mortal Kombat movie from the 90s.

[1:16:44] Oh, right, where he does a split, and then he punches Goro in the nuts?

[1:16:47] Oh, okay.

[1:16:47] You know what?

[1:16:48] Then Johnny Cage is my favorite.

[1:16:49] Just so he can get on nut level?

[1:16:51] Is that what the split does?

[1:16:52] Yes, exactly.

[1:16:53] to show off yeah it's it's him showing off look what my nuts can do yours can't then he punches

[1:16:58] them because i gotta say like a nut punch ability seems like the worst arcana like i mean i could do

[1:17:04] a nut punch that would be my portal i'm gonna call your bluff on that one buddy we're gonna

[1:17:10] have to see those cards i'm not gonna get in a fight i don't you know not telling me

[1:17:15] so yeah the dan's brag about his nut punch abilities was mainly to dissuade people from

[1:17:21] fighting him.

[1:17:22] Guys, don't come

[1:17:25] trying to fight me.

[1:17:26] I'll punch you

[1:17:27] and that's it.

[1:17:27] I'll run away.

[1:17:28] So that's Mortal Kombat.

[1:17:34] Let's...

[1:17:35] Should we do our

[1:17:36] final judgments, Dan?

[1:17:37] Let's do our final judgments.

[1:17:39] Oh, sorry.

[1:17:40] I was just going to say

[1:17:40] we get a theme song

[1:17:42] over the credits

[1:17:43] that is not as good

[1:17:44] as the original theme song

[1:17:46] from the original

[1:17:46] Mortal Kombat movie.

[1:17:47] Now, is the original one

[1:17:48] the...

[1:17:49] Yes.

[1:17:49] Okay.

[1:17:51] I didn't even...

[1:17:52] Wait, what is it, L.A.?

[1:17:54] Mortal Kombat!

[1:17:56] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

[1:18:00] Do they ever use it?

[1:18:01] No, they don't, I don't think.

[1:18:02] It's the same way that you don't hear Godzilla's roar

[1:18:05] in the new Godzilla movies,

[1:18:06] because they don't want to pay for it, I think.

[1:18:07] I assume they're like,

[1:18:08] somebody owns the rights to that,

[1:18:10] we don't want to use it.

[1:18:11] I thought it was weird to replace it with

[1:18:12] Oh Yeah from Ferris Bueller's Day Off,

[1:18:14] but, you know,

[1:18:15] and the Twix commercials,

[1:18:16] but okay, that's, you know,

[1:18:18] whatever you want to do, you know?

[1:18:19] Right.

[1:18:20] This one was done by K.D. Lange, which I thought was maybe a little understated.

[1:18:23] Understated, definitely.

[1:18:24] Constant combat.

[1:18:28] Yep.

[1:18:28] Works.

[1:18:29] There it is.

[1:18:30] Perfect.

[1:18:30] Yeah, and it stands for Combat D. Lange.

[1:18:32] Yeah, of course, yeah.

[1:18:33] Because combat is spelled with a K in the Mortal Kombat universe.

[1:18:35] So, Dan, should we do final judgments?

[1:18:37] Yeah, final judgments is when we say whether we thought this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie we kind of like.

[1:18:44] Now, if we knew what we were doing, we were professionals.

[1:18:46] We would say whether this movie was a flawless victory or one of the other ones, but we didn't.

[1:18:51] So we're still going with our same categories.

[1:18:53] Or a babe-ality.

[1:18:54] A babe-ality, yeah.

[1:18:55] Man, you guys have really locked on to this babe-ality idea.

[1:18:59] Wait, what did you call it before?

[1:19:01] A nut-tality?

[1:19:02] A nut-tality.

[1:19:03] Or a nut-tality, yeah.

[1:19:04] Or a new-tality.

[1:19:05] New-tality.

[1:19:07] So, Dan, what did you think?

[1:19:08] Nut-tality sounds like a terrible candy bar.

[1:19:10] You know, I kind of like this movie.

[1:19:14] gotta say i i it benefited from my absolutely low expectations and the fact that it was nice to watch

[1:19:22] like a new big dumb action movie like at home after a year of like not having stuff like that

[1:19:30] uh i agree with andy that i liked that they had had the absolute minimum of plot in between fights

[1:19:37] even though the plot was also unnecessarily complex but like they didn't linger over it

[1:19:41] enough for me to be like oh come on and i don't know they put more care into it than i would have

[1:19:48] expected out of a mortal kombat movie so i'll give it that it's not that great but but as i was not

[1:19:55] mad after watching it let's just put it that way so uh let's go to stewart what do you have to say

[1:20:00] yeah i mean i think my closeness to the source material is probably a hindrance here but um

[1:20:05] uh yeah i mean i feel like especially introducing this whole arcana idea where you get magic powers

[1:20:11] by getting a weird birthmark.

[1:20:14] Like, that feels weird.

[1:20:15] Like, the idea that Jax's magic power

[1:20:18] is that his already weird metal arms

[1:20:20] just got bigger.

[1:20:21] Like, what?

[1:20:21] So, like, what would have happened

[1:20:26] if his arms didn't get frozen off, Dan?

[1:20:27] I don't know, man.

[1:20:32] Maybe his arms would have gotten bigger then anyway.

[1:20:33] He still would have had even bigger arms.

[1:20:35] Or maybe he would have had, like,

[1:20:37] little arms growing out of his regular arms.

[1:20:39] That's what I want to see.

[1:20:40] It's like when only parts of the Hulk

[1:20:41] only when parts

[1:20:43] of the Hulk

[1:20:43] hulk out

[1:20:43] everybody's right

[1:20:45] on this

[1:20:46] so I'm going to say

[1:20:47] I think this is a

[1:20:49] I would say this is

[1:20:50] kind of a bad bad

[1:20:51] I didn't care for this

[1:20:52] although I think

[1:20:53] the opening and the end

[1:20:54] fight are both pretty fun

[1:20:55] and I'll watch

[1:20:57] Joe Taslim do anything

[1:20:58] well let's give our

[1:21:00] guests the final word

[1:21:01] Elliot what do you

[1:21:02] have to say

[1:21:02] I think

[1:21:03] you know what

[1:21:04] I think similar to Dan

[1:21:06] I think my expectations

[1:21:07] going in were so low

[1:21:08] that this ended up being

[1:21:08] not exactly a movie

[1:21:09] I kind of liked

[1:21:10] but a movie that I didn't

[1:21:11] mind and the fact that it i mean this movie is somehow almost two hours long but it didn't feel

[1:21:17] that long maybe because like the movie maybe it was because the movie kind of moves relatively

[1:21:22] quickly maybe it's because i was doing dishes the whole time that i was watching it but

[1:21:25] either way i thought this was not a movie necessarily that i kind of liked but i don't

[1:21:29] it wasn't quite bad bad or good bad for me but again i have no if this was uh a a group of

[1:21:34] characters that i cared about i would have been like what is this like what's going on here but

[1:21:38] since i have no connection to the mku you know and to our honored guests what do you have to say

[1:21:45] my dear would you like me to go it is bad bad you want to tell me this is based on a video game i

[1:21:50] want cheekiness honey i want jokes i want to have some fun with that because it's nonsense right so

[1:21:57] you've got to have these people at the very least be fun to watch as they go about this very silly

[1:22:04] journey that's very true and they weren't having fun with it yeah and that's what made me so mad

[1:22:08] it felt very lazy it felt very like guy fighter daughter realm fight oh no we did it and i just

[1:22:20] thought they should have had some fun with it they should have called had a punch-up room something

[1:22:24] because it was just like who are kano was the only one and then he's like only in it for like

[1:22:29] 30 minutes yeah i think though i'm gonna say good bad and again with the asterisk

[1:22:37] that it could have been quarantine euphoria that made me enjoy it so much like not that not that

[1:22:44] you were euphoric in quarantine no that like you have to clarify like dan i'm seeing something new

[1:22:49] yes there's something new it was it could have also been that you know we have a tradition in

[1:22:54] our house where we play uh boggle on our phones while we watch things we call that boggle toggle

[1:23:01] i'm kidding it doesn't have a phrase it does now it's boggle time now forever uh so it could have

[1:23:08] been i was like partly distracted i liked kano i like i like that actor that actor is from like

[1:23:14] house of lies and superstore and he also apparently played paul hogan in a two-part miniseries called

[1:23:20] Hoag's The Life of Paul Hogan

[1:23:21] for Australian TV.

[1:23:23] Hoag's The Paul Hogan Story.

[1:23:26] A two-part Australian miniseries from

[1:23:28] 2017, but now I really want to see it.

[1:23:30] Only two parts for Australia's

[1:23:32] biggest export

[1:23:34] and most respected human.

[1:23:36] Dan, Australia has

[1:23:38] a really respected film community.

[1:23:40] I mean, not to shit on Paul Hogan.

[1:23:42] He's fine. I say we queue up

[1:23:44] both seasons of Hoag's, order ourselves

[1:23:46] some hoagies, and watch that shit.

[1:23:48] Was this Mayor of Easttown?

[1:23:50] Yes, very Mare of Easttown.

[1:23:51] I don't want to have my hoagies.

[1:23:53] So I love that Captain America hat guy.

[1:23:56] I love just how stupid it all was.

[1:24:01] I needed stupidity, all right?

[1:24:03] I think it just came at me.

[1:24:04] I think this particular amount of stupidity

[1:24:08] came into my life at the right time.

[1:24:09] It was like a meat cube.

[1:24:12] And that's what made me enjoy.

[1:24:15] I enjoyed making fun of it with Naomi,

[1:24:18] and that could have just been part of it.

[1:24:19] Well, that's part of what keeps us going, you know, making fun of things.

[1:24:22] And that meet cute, I just imagine Mortal Kombat drops all its papers in the hallway,

[1:24:26] and then you pick it up, and, like, that's how the romance begins.

[1:24:29] That's a friendship.

[1:24:30] You're walking your dog, and Mortal Kombat is late for a big job interview,

[1:24:34] and you bump into each other, and the dog, like, runs around the two of you

[1:24:39] so that the leash pulls you close together.

[1:24:42] And after that, you just keep running into each other,

[1:24:44] and you do not like it until suddenly you're in love.

[1:24:48] And that's what I would call a friendship.

[1:24:50] Okay.

[1:24:53] Yeah, so good.

[1:24:55] I think good, bad.

[1:24:55] I'm proud of you.

[1:24:57] I'm proud of you for being honest.

[1:25:00] I'm proud of you for being honest.

[1:25:00] Hey, it's Jon Moe.

[1:25:07] And look, these are challenging times for our mental and emotional health.

[1:25:11] I get it.

[1:25:12] That's why I'm so excited for my new podcast, Depresh Mode.

[1:25:16] We're tackling depression, anxiety, trauma, stress, the kinds of things that are just super common but don't get talked about nearly enough.

[1:25:23] Conversations that are illuminating, honest, and sometimes pretty funny with folks like Patton Oswalt, Kelsey Dara, and Open Mike Eagle.

[1:25:31] I have this public-facing self, and then I have my emotional self that tends to stay hidden.

[1:25:36] It was about finding a way to communicate to somebody that, like, there's terrible shit going on back here.

[1:25:42] plus psychiatrists, psychologists, and all kinds of folks.

[1:25:46] On Depressed Mode, we're working together, learning, helping each other out.

[1:25:50] We're a team. Join our team.

[1:25:52] Depressed Mode, for maximum fun, wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:25:55] Hi. Are you someone who thinks that when one door closes, another one opens?

[1:26:00] Someone who always sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

[1:26:03] If you answered yes to one or both of these questions, good for you.

[1:26:06] We are not those people.

[1:26:08] Nope. I'm Annabelle Gurwitch, and I'm a, you know that other door opening?

[1:26:12] it probably leads to a broom closet kind of person.

[1:26:15] And I'm Laura House.

[1:26:16] When I see a light at the end of a tunnel,

[1:26:17] I assume it's a train headed right toward me.

[1:26:20] Laura and I have created a brand new podcast

[1:26:22] for people like us.

[1:26:24] It's called Tiny Victories.

[1:26:25] We're sharing personal tiny victories

[1:26:27] or things we've read or seen that inspire resilience.

[1:26:31] So if you're looking for a tiny reason

[1:26:33] to get out of bed each week,

[1:26:34] subscribe to Tiny Victories.

[1:26:35] Available on Maximum Fun

[1:26:38] or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:26:39] Let's get tiny.

[1:26:42] the flop house is sponsored in part by squarespace squarespace helps you create a beautiful new

[1:26:49] website where you can blog or publish content sell products and services of all kinds and much

[1:26:55] much more and squarespace does this by giving you beautiful customizable templates created by

[1:27:00] world-class designers everything optimized for mobile right out of the box a new way to buy

[1:27:06] domains and choose from over 200 extensions and free and secure hosting so head to squarespace.com

[1:27:14] for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code flop to save 10 off your first

[1:27:21] purchase of a website or domain hey dan i had an idea for a website and i was wondering if you

[1:27:26] thought squarespace would be able to help me with all the amazing stuff lay it on me brother

[1:27:31] Okay, I was inspired by basically a combination of this movie

[1:27:35] and also my recent interest in marsupials.

[1:27:38] And look, I'm just going to say it.

[1:27:41] At times like these, all of us are sharing the same worry.

[1:27:43] Is my pet marsupial going to outlive me?

[1:27:47] Because I'd like it to.

[1:27:48] That's why mortalwombat.com is where you would put in all the information

[1:27:52] about your marsupial pet, and it will tell you an estimated longevity.

[1:27:56] How mortal is this wombat?

[1:27:58] You're going to find out on mortalwombat.com.

[1:28:00] This is just for education and recreation purposes.

[1:28:03] Please do not make any life decisions based on our estimates.

[1:28:08] But finally, there's a place online where marsupials can have their life expectancy accurately, but not legally, predicted.

[1:28:17] And if it's a non-marsupial pet, I'm sorry, there are other places that already do that.

[1:28:21] You don't need us.

[1:28:22] This is for marsupials.

[1:28:23] Yeah, don't tell your marsupial to quit its job and then, you know, like, do some kind of bucket list scenario because it thinks it's dying because based on the information provided by Mortal Wombat.

[1:28:34] Yeah, Mortal Wombat, again, it is legally, and you have to sign the disclaimer, it is just for entertainment and partly education purposes.

[1:28:41] It is not an actual longevity test.

[1:28:43] But finally, you'll know how long your wombat will live.

[1:28:47] Again, not legally responsible.

[1:28:48] So I think Squarespace could really help me with that, right, Dan?

[1:28:51] I think they could.

[1:28:53] So, you know, go over to Squarespace.com and use offer code FLOP.

[1:28:57] Now, Elliot, I believe you also have another word from another sponsor.

[1:29:01] That's right.

[1:29:03] We got two, two, count them, two sponsors today.

[1:29:05] And the second major sponsor is Storyblocks.

[1:29:08] Look, guys, now more than ever before, storytellers and content creators are challenged with producing more video content at a higher quality than in human history.

[1:29:17] In the Middle Ages, you could get away with making a tapestry maybe a year.

[1:29:21] But now you've got to keep that sweet content coming, and it's got to be at higher video quality than anything you can weave on a loom.

[1:29:26] You can keep up with the growing demand for that modern video content without sacrificing your vision with the stock media from Storyblocks.

[1:29:33] Storyblocks, it's great.

[1:29:34] It's a huge collection of stock video that you can use for any project.

[1:29:38] It's dedicated to being the world's best royalty-free stock media subscription service.

[1:29:42] There's no royalties.

[1:29:43] Once you've got your Storyblocks membership, you can use whatever you want on there.

[1:29:48] There's over a million high-quality stock assets, and the library is constantly growing.

[1:29:51] They've even got 4K HD footage.

[1:29:54] Looks great on those modern televisual sets.

[1:29:56] They've got After Effects and Premiere Pro templates.

[1:29:58] Not sure what those are, but they sound great.

[1:30:00] They've got music, images, sound effects, more.

[1:30:03] About the most fun thing you can do.

[1:30:04] They have affordable subscription plans, and with the Storyblocks Unlimited all-access plan,

[1:30:10] you get unlimited downloads of what's in their library, and you get to keep it, even if your membership ends.

[1:30:15] Anything you've downloaded remains yours to use, keep, show off to your friends, turn into the kind of video content that the world is craving right now.

[1:30:24] And as part of their ongoing stock initiative, Storyblocks has released a new round of collections, the Queer Spaces and Faces Collection, created by some really incredible LGBTQ plus creators that will feature the layered experience of the LGBTQ plus community.

[1:30:38] So they're extending out to people, giving them a chance to get their voice heard through the medium of stock media.

[1:30:44] Sounds great.

[1:30:45] As you've maybe heard talk about in the past, we had our own very positive experience with Storyblocks.

[1:30:50] Dan made a hilarious video about needing to pee.

[1:30:53] It came out great.

[1:30:54] All thanks to Storyblocks.

[1:30:56] So go to it.

[1:30:57] Explore their library and subscribe today at Storyblocks.com slash flop.

[1:31:01] That's Storyblocks.com slash flop.

[1:31:03] Use that library of media and prove Dan wrong.

[1:31:08] Do better than Dan.

[1:31:09] Do better than me.

[1:31:10] Please, please, everyone, do better.

[1:31:12] Uh-oh.

[1:31:13] And what's this?

[1:31:14] I think up next we got a j-j-j-jumbotron.

[1:31:17] That's right.

[1:31:18] Employees are the heart and soul of a business,

[1:31:22] and taking care of them is the most important thing a business owner can do.

[1:31:26] Circles, spelled C-I-I-R-C-L-E-S, note the second I.

[1:31:35] Circles.com helps create people-first, fulfilling businesses.

[1:31:39] Our tagline is, how working together should work.

[1:31:44] So please visit Circles.com, again, extra I-C-I-I-R-C-L-E-S dot com slash Flophouse to learn more.

[1:31:55] Yeah, remember how there's no I in team?

[1:31:56] Take that missing I from team, move it on over to Circles, Circles.com.

[1:32:04] So, let's move on to letters from our listeners.

[1:32:08] That's right, Dan.

[1:32:10] It's time for listener questions.

[1:32:13] Stuart has been grazing this entire podcast that I cannot concentrate.

[1:32:22] He's a grazer.

[1:32:25] Hey, you know, I got to pack my podcast snacks.

[1:32:28] Is mango now the official fruit of the Flophouse podcast?

[1:32:34] It's definitely in my top five fruits.

[1:32:36] Yeah.

[1:32:37] Well, maybe one of the list of cues is what Stewart's top five fruits are.

[1:32:43] Can you put them in those classes?

[1:32:45] Yeah, put them in the tiers.

[1:32:47] Put them in the tiers.

[1:32:48] Mango's S tier.

[1:32:49] Yeah, totally.

[1:32:50] Bananas are A tier.

[1:32:53] I mean, these are my top five.

[1:32:56] So I would say watermelon's also A tier of the melons.

[1:32:59] I would say there's some other melons who rate a little bit lower.

[1:33:03] I would say raspberries are my favorite berry,

[1:33:05] so that's an S-tier berry right there.

[1:33:07] What I like is this is a tournament competition right here.

[1:33:09] You've got the winners of each of these different weight classes.

[1:33:12] And then I would say pears.

[1:33:15] I like pears.

[1:33:16] Wow.

[1:33:17] We're not hearing enough about pears as a culture.

[1:33:20] We're not hearing enough about pears.

[1:33:21] It's like more mellow than an apple for me.

[1:33:24] I'm working on an article for Teen Vogue about it,

[1:33:27] where pears used to be everywhere.

[1:33:28] What happens?

[1:33:30] Now, and of course, Elliot famously hates all fruits.

[1:33:33] Except my son constantly corrects me that cucumbers are a fruit, so I guess I like one.

[1:33:38] Oh, wait.

[1:33:39] Do you really not like fruit?

[1:33:40] Don't like them.

[1:33:41] Don't like the taste, smell, texture.

[1:33:42] It's disgusting to me.

[1:33:43] Anyway.

[1:33:44] Is there any fruit?

[1:33:45] Do you like sweets?

[1:33:46] Not particularly.

[1:33:46] I don't really have much of a sweet tooth, to be honest.

[1:33:48] Okay, you don't like sweet things.

[1:33:49] So that's part of it.

[1:33:50] I'm not much into it.

[1:33:51] I like savory things, and I like parts of animals.

[1:33:55] That's basically it.

[1:33:56] Do you like something that's unctuous?

[1:34:00] You know, like an unctuousness?

[1:34:01] I don't really know what that word means, but yes.

[1:34:03] It's like an oily fattiness, you know?

[1:34:06] Yeah, oh, then yes.

[1:34:07] Yes, very much so.

[1:34:07] Yeah, sure.

[1:34:08] Yeah.

[1:34:08] So, well, we've got that going for us.

[1:34:11] Anyway, so the first letter is from Ryan, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:34:15] Dear Floppers, recently while relaxing after COVID vaccine dose number two,

[1:34:20] I took a chance on watching Willy's Wonderland.

[1:34:23] This recent Nick Cage film is so fun, I won't even say more about it,

[1:34:28] Other than it involves everyone's favorite member of the Coppola family trapped in a Chuck E. Cheese-style nightmare with fully real costume actors playing the heck out of some really wonderfully designed murderous animatronics outfits.

[1:34:39] I was blown away by how genuinely funny, frightening, and kick-ass this movie could be at times.

[1:34:47] Especially since I only clicked on the movie for after the rare-for-me-anyway urge to watch something stupid.

[1:34:56] Okay, well, that's why I tripped up, because there was a hyphen.

[1:34:58] Okay, that's why you tripped up.

[1:34:59] It wasn't the fever.

[1:34:59] No, it's not.

[1:35:00] Blame the text.

[1:35:01] No, blame the text.

[1:35:03] I'll blame Ryan, last name withheld.

[1:35:04] When was the last or best time you picked a dumb movie that turned out to be a genuine delight to watch?

[1:35:10] Bonus points for one you wish you'd seen in theaters, because, man, I'd have loved to see this on the big screen.

[1:35:16] Ploppers, Rise Up, Ryan, last name withheld.

[1:35:20] So, does anyone have an example of a good movie that they picked, thinking, like,

[1:35:26] oh, this will be a dumb lark,

[1:35:28] and then realizing that they actually genuinely enjoyed it.

[1:35:32] I mean, in a way, I did get that experience in the theaters

[1:35:35] with a little movie called Cats,

[1:35:37] which we've talked about plenty on The Flophouse.

[1:35:39] Real loud.

[1:35:41] Went to see it because we were doing it for The Flophouse,

[1:35:43] and it's one of those movies where, at this point,

[1:35:46] my ironic liking of it has gone into a new level

[1:35:49] where I'm just like, oh, God bless those people who made Cats.

[1:35:52] They didn't know what they were doing,

[1:35:54] But, like, certainly they didn't come up with what they wanted to make, but they came out with something, you know.

[1:35:58] Interesting.

[1:36:00] I mean, Andy, did you have one?

[1:36:02] I do.

[1:36:03] Yeah, go.

[1:36:03] Yeah.

[1:36:04] Clifford starring Charles Grodin and Martin Short.

[1:36:09] I thought it was just going to be some dumb crap, and I'm just like, well, I'll just put it on.

[1:36:14] First of all, I mean, Martin Short is just, like, playing the heck out of an insane 10-year-old.

[1:36:21] But Charles Grodin is, I mean, duh, it's Charles Grodin, but he is incredible.

[1:36:26] His timing is incredible, and he is so good at playing that character.

[1:36:31] And does anyone, do you guys, have you seen Clifford?

[1:36:36] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[1:36:36] It's on HBO Max.

[1:36:38] No, it is, I like how genuinely mean-spirited that movie is.

[1:36:44] Like, you think it's just going to be like a dumb, like, I don't know, like Problem Child or whatever, but it is mean.

[1:36:49] It is a mean movie about mean people doing mean things to each other, which makes it a lot funnier.

[1:36:54] Yeah, I hadn't seen, it wasn't for me, but I will say, like, I didn't expect that ending.

[1:37:00] Like, when Charles Grodin does kind of go off on Clifford, and it's like, I'm going to ruin you.

[1:37:05] I thought that was very satisfying, because I usually hate when, like, a kid is bad, and then, of course, no one else sees it.

[1:37:10] And then the person, like, feels like they're taking crazy pills.

[1:37:12] So I liked that part.

[1:37:14] Like, I didn't think that was going to happen.

[1:37:15] I want to say Mason.

[1:37:19] uh yeah i mean this sort of thing happens to me every once in a while with like tv shows i mean

[1:37:28] i remember when my when my wife and i were like trying to figure out something to watch and i was

[1:37:33] probably like fucking around with a miniature or something and she's like well why don't we put on

[1:37:37] this show called instant hotel which is a show where australian uh airbnb owners uh compete

[1:37:46] against each other to have the best instant hotel which is a term i'm assuming they made up for the

[1:37:51] show because they can't say airbnb and within like halfway through the first episode we were

[1:37:57] totally hooked now the first season you can't you can't catch that lightning in a bottle twice so

[1:38:01] the first season's great i totally recommend that shit and to have seen it on the big screen

[1:38:05] that would have been amazing

[1:38:07] instant hotel on netflix first season's wild uh but i would say for movies uh

[1:38:16] kidnap the hally berry suv thriller kidnap with a p just a p not kidnapped kidnap just kidnap

[1:38:24] yeah uh i mean i i'm having a hard time with like one that i think is this is maybe like

[1:38:32] genuinely like i would unabashedly recommend to folks but i i think i've mentioned on the

[1:38:37] on the show in the past that we started watching doppelganger the drew barrymore 90s uh thriller

[1:38:44] about Drew Barrymore who may or may not have a doppelganger

[1:38:48] going around murdering folks around her.

[1:38:51] A Drupal ganger.

[1:38:52] Yeah, and I was, we put it on at like 12.30 at night.

[1:38:57] I think it was after like we recorded a Flophouse mini

[1:39:00] and I just wanted to like have something on for a couple minutes

[1:39:02] to come down, you know, like before bed

[1:39:05] and figured like, oh, we'll turn it off.

[1:39:08] But we ended up watching the whole thing

[1:39:10] and it is, you know, it straddles the line.

[1:39:14] I mean, one might call it a good-bad movie because so much of the joy of it is how weird everyone is acting, and some of them are not acting particularly well.

[1:39:25] But the film spirals into madness in a way that I was not expecting, and it ends up in a place that I don't think anyone watching the first 10 minutes would expect, and I really enjoyed that.

[1:39:39] Ellie, do you have anything?

[1:39:41] You look confused.

[1:39:42] You don't have to.

[1:39:43] I don't think I have one.

[1:39:44] I don't have one.

[1:39:45] I feel like, because I guess Clifford should have been mine,

[1:39:47] but I still didn't like it enough.

[1:39:49] Because I was like, why is he so evil?

[1:39:52] I hate evil children.

[1:39:53] So I don't have, and like also in real life,

[1:39:56] I don't like precocious children.

[1:39:57] So like anything that kind of lives in that world,

[1:39:59] I'm like, mm-mm, mm-mm.

[1:40:01] Yeah.

[1:40:02] Yeah, when a child acts like an adult in a movie

[1:40:07] and we're supposed to find that charming,

[1:40:09] it's just like, what are you all seeing here?

[1:40:11] Yeah, it's always horrible.

[1:40:13] Well, that's the book of Henry Syndrome, where Henry is such an unlikable, like, know-it-all jerk.

[1:40:19] And everyone is like, Henry, he's the best of us.

[1:40:21] Henry, you're so wonderful.

[1:40:23] His parents let him order from the waiter by himself.

[1:40:30] And it's like, no, you should order for him.

[1:40:32] He's just a little kid.

[1:40:33] They don't get paid to deal with your children.

[1:40:35] So we have another letter.

[1:40:39] it is from

[1:40:40] John Lastname Withheld

[1:40:41] who writes

[1:40:41] in reading about

[1:40:43] the 1994 movie

[1:40:44] North

[1:40:45] I saw director

[1:40:46] Rob Reiner

[1:40:47] defend it

[1:40:47] by claiming it was

[1:40:48] a quote

[1:40:49] modern day fable

[1:40:51] and I realized

[1:40:52] that any movie

[1:40:53] that's described

[1:40:53] by the director

[1:40:54] as a fable

[1:40:55] or fairy tale

[1:40:56] for adults

[1:40:57] is bound to be terrible

[1:40:58] do you guys

[1:40:59] have any red flags

[1:41:00] in movie summaries

[1:41:01] or trailers

[1:41:02] that make you think

[1:41:03] the movie will be garbage

[1:41:04] thanks for all the fun

[1:41:06] John Lastname Withheld

[1:41:08] I just want to jump in and say,

[1:41:09] I think Andy was pointing out

[1:41:11] that North features plenty of precocious children

[1:41:14] that everyone loves, right?

[1:41:16] Oh, boy, yeah.

[1:41:17] What was it?

[1:41:19] The movie North.

[1:41:20] Yes, which they talked about on a previous episode,

[1:41:23] which is my only knowledge of the movie.

[1:41:25] Oh, okay.

[1:41:26] You also may have gotten from what we were talking about,

[1:41:30] that the modern-day fable is surprisingly retrograde

[1:41:33] when it comes to the presentation of ethnic groups

[1:41:35] and genders.

[1:41:37] I'll jump in here

[1:41:40] and say that

[1:41:41] something I've never liked

[1:41:42] I'm not a fan of the structure

[1:41:44] that movie trailers use now

[1:41:45] they all use it

[1:41:46] I find it really super manipulative

[1:41:47] because they're all

[1:41:48] and boring

[1:41:49] but

[1:41:50] anytime a trailer

[1:41:52] they don't do this as much

[1:41:53] but I feel like in the 90s

[1:41:54] there were a lot of trailers

[1:41:55] that would just be made up

[1:41:56] of people saying

[1:41:57] the main character's name

[1:41:58] over and over again

[1:41:59] and it'd be like

[1:42:00] Mumford

[1:42:01] Mumford

[1:42:02] and you'd be like

[1:42:03] well if you had something

[1:42:05] fun to show me

[1:42:06] you'd show it to me but instead you're just showing me that the main character of the movie

[1:42:10] is in the movie and people are identifying that that character so it's it's always it's a real

[1:42:16] sign to me that they didn't have a lot to advertise for the movie but also yes there's there's certain

[1:42:21] uh when you watch like an action movie and you see someone in the trailer say kick the tires and

[1:42:25] light the fires people or like be in the middle of an action scene you see someone go i told you

[1:42:29] this was going to be fun i know that that's movie is going to be not very good or at least it's

[1:42:34] gonna be disappointing similar to that like saying the name over and over uh there's always

[1:42:40] the trope where it's like uh you know columbia pictures would like to introduce you to yeah a

[1:42:46] special character that will you know change your life forever once you meet them you'll never be

[1:42:53] the same you know it's like fuck you i don't each of us has within us a billion bullshit person you

[1:42:59] want to let me know about i don't care yeah if the uh if the trailer mentions a visionary director

[1:43:06] i'm like we'll see about that oh wow yeah yeah or anytime there's a quote that says specifically

[1:43:12] an american classic that always bugs me because i don't i don't know what that's supposed to mean

[1:43:18] i don't know what the modifier american means on classic except that like like a middlebrow academy

[1:43:23] award-winning movie that like is not as good as a movie from another country is what you're telling

[1:43:27] me or like not good enough to be a real classic it's it bugs me i don't like the devaluation of

[1:43:31] the word american guys i'm a patriot anyway have you been following my reading my sub stack or

[1:43:36] following me on parlor i've got a lot of stuff to talk about i don't like when um anybody returns

[1:43:41] home and you watch them on a porch i'm not here for like any indie like i'm back home in my small

[1:43:51] town i don't want to be there but i'm about to learn a lesson you know what i mean like it's

[1:43:57] like the part and there's always the part in the trailer where now it's switching gears and they're

[1:44:02] going to show you scenes from the second half of the movie where everyone learns their lesson and

[1:44:04] there's like a acoustic guitar or some kind of sad kind of folky type song but it's supposed to

[1:44:09] be uplifting and it uh yeah gross yeah yeah i had two of them one is that uh that thx metal sound

[1:44:17] like the metal bending sound if i hear that i know it's not a good movie i just need that one sound

[1:44:24] it's like pavlovian pavlovian in my brain right you hear that do you know guys know what i'm

[1:44:29] talking about that sound thx metal sound yeah yeah that likes that thing yeah like a big drop

[1:44:34] yeah yeah also and if if the song salisbury hill is played the trailer i should have mentioned

[1:44:39] that's yeah i'm not gonna see that movie but anyway you're you're saying andy i'm interrupted

[1:44:43] and uh anyone that says we're gonna need a bigger anyone that like takes like an old like

[1:44:48] thing like from jaws or something it says we're gonna need like a bigger gun or whatever like

[1:44:53] you know see a monster comes on screen and they turn to each other something like that i'm just

[1:44:56] like yeah we're done yeah or if one of the smurfs turns to the camera and says what the smurf or

[1:45:02] something like that and you're like oh i get it we're gonna need a bigger smurf you're like just

[1:45:07] say it rainy yeah you know the word just say it now the uh coward is if i'm watching a trailer

[1:45:15] and a record scratches like wait a minute what i know it's gonna be hilarious this is gonna be

[1:45:19] yeah okay well we do have one final segment on the show and that is called recommendations

[1:45:25] movies that might be more worth your time than the one we talked about uh i'll kick us off um

[1:45:32] i have a i've had a big blind spot in the world of uh japanese animation just because it's a dumb

[1:45:38] reason i realized the the way they animate they they the the frame rate is different and it looks

[1:45:45] jerky to me and i've never quite adjusted but i have i've slowly started coming around

[1:45:50] and uh so while here on vacation uh we watched the castle of cagliostro which i enjoyed quite a bit

[1:46:01] it is like you know i've seen some of the later uh miyazaki movies you know the more sort of gentle

[1:46:07] uh whimsical ones and it is fun to go back to an earlier one where it's like this it's still got a

[1:46:14] lot of the weirdness but it's also tied to this uh almost like swinging 60s vibe and uh i don't know

[1:46:21] it was just like this goofy goofy spy story like uh well not really spy but like it's got that vibe

[1:46:27] a gentleman thief i had a lot of fun um i'm not gonna say a lot about it because i'm sick but i

[1:46:34] enjoyed it dan it is castle of cagliostro is one of my all-time favorite movies i love it so much

[1:46:41] thank you for recommending it oh i'm glad to have brought a smile to stewart's face stewart what do

[1:46:46] you recommend oh man uh i just watched on hulu uh last night uh a great little sex comedy sex

[1:46:56] positive comedy called plan b directed by actress natalie morales and uh it's super great it's about

[1:47:04] a pair of teenage girls and i want to say north dakota uh and uh it involves one of them having

[1:47:14] to get the the uh plan b contraceptive and the various travails of having to try and procure

[1:47:20] this it is uh the interesting thing my wife and i were watching it and she brought up the idea that

[1:47:25] like when there's been a trend of like these sex positive comedies with a gender switch whereas

[1:47:31] traditionally it was like boys being boys whatever but with with women there's sometimes the like

[1:47:37] threat of gendered violence makes the stakes so much higher i don't know and also just like

[1:47:42] the the results of misbehavior can be significantly more damaging but um yeah it still manages to be

[1:47:49] It's so funny and heartwarming and just fucking great, man.

[1:47:53] Check it out.

[1:47:54] I'm going to recommend a movie now.

[1:47:58] Watch out.

[1:47:59] It's me coming at you.

[1:48:01] Now, people who have been following the show recently know that I'm on a Check New Wave kick on the Criterion channel.

[1:48:07] But I'm going to take a break from that today.

[1:48:09] I did briefly consider recommending another Check New Wave movie.

[1:48:14] But I also took a break and I was like, I haven't watched an old, old, old movie in a while.

[1:48:18] And I watched a movie called Picture Snatcher from 1933.

[1:48:21] It's a James Cagney movie directed by Lloyd Bacon, the director with the most delicious name of all directors.

[1:48:26] And James Cagney is a guy who's getting out of jail, and he gets a job as a photographer for kind of like sleazy tabloid newspaper that runs on shocking photographs.

[1:48:37] And it is a very pre-code movie where it is like the main character is – it's like I got to sneak into this prison and take a picture of a woman getting electrocuted in the electric chair without the police finding out.

[1:48:49] And then he does it.

[1:48:50] And it's like – and by the end, you're like waiting for him to learn the lesson that he shouldn't do these things.

[1:48:54] And he never really does.

[1:48:55] And James Cagney is so charismatic in it.

[1:49:00] And the movie kind of careens wildly from comedy to drama and back again.

[1:49:06] Like, it's the kind of thing that's mostly a comedy, but then it ends with a character being shot to death on camera.

[1:49:11] So, like, it's not entirely comedy.

[1:49:13] But it was a real fun movie.

[1:49:17] Are women treated with as much respect as they deserve in it?

[1:49:21] No, not quite.

[1:49:22] But it is a movie from 1933.

[1:49:25] It's super short.

[1:49:26] It runs at a real fast clip, as a lot of those Cagney movies do.

[1:49:30] And it was real fun.

[1:49:31] It's called Picture Snatcher.

[1:49:35] And what might Jimmy Cagney sound like, Elliot?

[1:49:37] Yeah, he'd be like, well, I don't see why we have to put all this money into Mortal Kombat champions when the private sector seems to be handling the issue perfectly well.

[1:49:50] So that's my Jimmy Cagney impression.

[1:49:53] How was that?

[1:49:53] Thumbs up.

[1:49:55] He didn't even specify it had to be Mortal Kombat.

[1:49:57] S tier for me.

[1:49:57] He didn't even specify it had to be Mortal Kombat.

[1:49:58] Is S tier good?

[1:49:59] I still don't know, by the way.

[1:50:00] S somehow is better than A, which doesn't make any sense.

[1:50:04] Yeah, I don't get it.

[1:50:05] But what movies have you been watching that you liked other than Clifford?

[1:50:08] Tell me if this counts or not.

[1:50:13] This is a series of feature-length documentaries by Adam Curtis.

[1:50:18] They are feature-length called Can't Get You Out of My Head.

[1:50:22] And if that doesn't fit the criteria, then his 2016 documentary Hypernormalization.

[1:50:29] I love Adam Curtis a lot.

[1:50:32] I think he's a great documentarian.

[1:50:33] And he makes, it's in the same, who's the thin blue line kind of guy?

[1:50:38] Errol Morris.

[1:50:39] Errol Morris.

[1:50:39] Same, like, I'm going to make a documentary, but it's going to have style to it.

[1:50:44] And Adam Curtis just does these, like, really interesting documentaries about basically, like, they're basically, like, philosophical dissertations on how did we get to the hell we're living in right now.

[1:50:58] And every one of his is like just a different kind of looks a different facet of like the 20th into the 21st century.

[1:51:05] And he just starts with these little stories and then he takes the little stories and he expands them to explain like these larger cultural kinds of patterns.

[1:51:17] And the new one can't get you out of my head is like a six episode series of these feature length documentaries.

[1:51:26] just like looking at how like individualism uh took over for collectivism and how that is

[1:51:33] the the positives of that and also the negatives and in the uh 20 and 21st century that's like

[1:51:41] very fancy yeah and i think it'll show us our dynamic uh in the household because what i'm

[1:51:46] gonna say is little shop of horrors rick moranis version oh yeah it is a fun time and you reminded

[1:51:53] me of that because you were like what i was like what movies do we watch because we have been on

[1:51:57] 80s 90s kick yes over quarantine i could have also said cruella by the way if we saw cruella

[1:52:03] last night that was also pretty great too long but gorgeous um but yeah little shop of horrors

[1:52:09] rick moran is so funny to me it's like timeless i could like still go back and just like it's so

[1:52:16] funny and i think that like it's also one of the few for me movie musicals that is actually good

[1:52:22] i think movie musicals are really hard and people keep trying to make them you know nowadays and

[1:52:26] they're just like don't work but i'm telling you little shop of horrors and plus you can sing it

[1:52:30] with a loved one i think one of the best things about little shop other than you know how funny

[1:52:35] it is and how like amazing the effects still are is also like in terms of making it work as a

[1:52:42] musical it walks that line between looking kind of like a stage production very stylized while

[1:52:51] still looking like a movie and yeah that makes it work really well um guys thank you so much uh

[1:52:59] this has perked me right up thank you andy and i sound healthier dan it's like laughter might be

[1:53:05] the best medicine patch adams uh is not my it has become my attending so

[1:53:13] uh before we go we're gonna ask uh i believe if you had any plugs and if you wanted to mention

[1:53:21] your uh where you can be found on the web and such and such sure uh now when i host a podcast

[1:53:28] called couples therapy where uh used to be a live show and then after quarantine it's uh we basically

[1:53:34] talk to comedians and comedic actors about their relationships and then answer listeners advice

[1:53:40] questions it's a good time natalie morales uh plan b great uh was just mentioned has been on

[1:53:46] the show before was james cagney ever on the show what might he sound like elliot

[1:53:51] on the show relationship question oh well well it's me james cagney uh what what's going on

[1:53:59] around here harvey that's james cagney right yeah yeah yeah that's fun yeah i guess for me i guess

[1:54:06] weekend yeah i just plug couples therapy watch myth mythic quest on apple tv i think we're having

[1:54:11] a real good time naomi's episode just debuted where she is basically the main character that

[1:54:17] is very sweet but you know carol's just in the back i have to i have to admit uh i have watched

[1:54:25] myth and enjoyed mythic quest and it was only after i like followed you on twitter i'm like

[1:54:30] oh shit she's the HR

[1:54:32] person on Mythic Quest it's so good

[1:54:34] I really enjoy that show

[1:54:36] thank you for coming on for our video game

[1:54:38] episode it's a real tie in

[1:54:41] but uh

[1:54:42] no it's great

[1:54:44] it's the kind of thing that we really should have made more of a big stink about

[1:54:46] at the top that like there's an actual

[1:54:48] theme reason other than Andy

[1:54:50] just harassing on Twitter saying

[1:54:52] that you guys should talk about this movie

[1:54:54] wow harassing is a strong word Elliot

[1:54:56] for you to bring that out here

[1:54:58] okay okay maybe not harassing

[1:55:00] In the last two minutes

[1:55:01] I've been holding it back this whole time

[1:55:04] Just this rage I've been feeling

[1:55:05] Annie's been serving you these James Cagney softballs all day

[1:55:10] I know

[1:55:10] I should really be thankful

[1:55:12] It's too bad that James Cagney is one of the people

[1:55:14] That I have no good impression of

[1:55:17] Not that my other impressions

[1:55:18] As opposed to my other impressions

[1:55:19] Which are spot on amazing

[1:55:21] Flawless victory

[1:55:23] So rich

[1:55:24] Well thank you again

[1:55:27] Thank you to MaximumFun.org

[1:55:30] for uh uh being our network i mean that's not the name of the network that's the name of the

[1:55:35] website you can go to check out a bunch of other podcasts i'm fading i'm fading it's finally

[1:55:39] happening no no it's just like the other day i went to i went and picked up lunch at popeyes.com

[1:55:43] yeah but uh you made him die elliot stop it he wants it to be done sorry sorry yeah thank you

[1:55:51] i'm got yeah i'm just gonna speed through it thank you uh you know uh tell people about us

[1:55:55] uh you know uh thank you for supporting us anyway for the flop house i've been dan mccoy i've been

[1:56:01] stewart wellington and also thank you to jordan cowling for producing our show yes thank you

[1:56:05] jordan sorry i'm elliot calen or am i perhaps i'm james cagney and thank you for joining us tonight

[1:56:12] naomi at paragon andy beckerman bye

[1:56:17] You know, Stuart's the one who actually eats mangoes all the time

[1:56:26] And yet I've somehow been painted with that brush

[1:56:28] No, no, it's not that

[1:56:29] The problem's not the eating of mangoes

[1:56:31] The problem's that you once missed part of a movie we were talking about

[1:56:33] Because, as you said, you had to go cut a mango up

[1:56:36] It took longer than I expected

[1:56:38] That's become shorthand in our house

[1:56:39] Sammy, my older son, he's always like

[1:56:41] I'm like, Dan didn't do this thing

[1:56:42] And he's like, what, was he busy cutting a mango?

[1:56:46] That's shorthand in our house for what Dan is busy with at the moment.

Ep. #344 - Mortal Kombat, with Naomi Ekperigin and Andy Beckerman

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