FH Mini 159 - Clearing the Floppet

[0:00] Hey there, welcome back to another Flophouse Mini.

Stuart Wellington

[0:06] That is a mini version of the Flophouse Podcast.

[0:08] Now, normally here at the Flophouse, we watch a bad movie and talk about it,

[0:11] but here at the Flophouse Mini, we get all other kinds of business done.

[0:15] And boy, howdy, do we have a lot of business to get through today.

[0:19] I am joined by my two long-suffering co-hosts.

[0:22] Introduce yourself, fellas.

[0:24] Dan McCoy.

[0:26] Elliot Kalin.

[0:28] That kind of energy is what I need, guys, because we here at the Flophouse—

Elliott Kalan

[0:33] Do you want more from me? Is that it? More energy?

Stuart Wellington

[0:35] Yeah, give me another take. Can you give me one with a little bit more sauce on it, please?

Elliott Kalan

[0:39] Pew, pew, pew. Elliot, go, go, go, go, go. Kalin.

[0:42] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[0:42] That was good.

[0:43] Oh, yeah.

[0:44] Bomp, bump.

Elliott Kalan

[0:46] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[0:48] I've never seen those.

[0:52] I've never seen those.

[0:53] Guys, I did 23andMe and I found out I'm 25% morning DJ.

[0:57] Oh, yeah.

[0:58] So I'm getting in touch with my heritage.

[0:59] And like soundboard DNA.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01] Little 5% Michael Winslow in there.

[1:03] Exactly.

[1:06] Maybe 3% Winslow Homer.

[1:08] Interesting.

[1:09] Yeah, so I do a lot of sound effects of ocean scenes.

[1:12] Yeah.

[1:14] So as if this is your first time listening, there's a Flophouse mini where we do other things.

[1:19] And one of the things about these minis is that I am constantly getting emails with suggestions for what we should cover in these minis.

[1:27] And they're just adding up, guys.

[1:29] And I feel like I know that we, you know, we've been pulling in a lot of overtime here at the Flophouse.

[1:34] But we've really got to crack through this big list of things.

[1:37] So I figured the easiest way to do it is to just crank it all out in one episode.

[1:42] How do I feel like a lightning round?

Elliott Kalan

[1:43] If there's one thing each of us three guys has experience with, it is cranking it out.

[1:48] So let's do that.

[1:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49] We have a three-way video group chat where we can confirm that.

[1:53] We crank it together.

[1:54] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55] Where we crank it out together.

Stuart Wellington

[1:57] Mm-hmm.

[1:58] All the circle crank.

[2:00] That was the third crank film title.

[2:03] Yeah.

[2:03] Oh, man.

[2:05] Too bad it never got made.

[2:07] Yeah, that's why it never got made.

[2:08] They said we can't put this out.

[2:09] It's too beautiful.

[2:10] So the only way we're going to be able to get through these, I've kind of taken these ideas and broken them down.

[2:16] What we are going to have to do is we are...

[2:19] We are giving...

[2:20] We have to agree to a top three of these items.

[2:25] Okay?

[2:26] All three of us have to agree to it before we can move on because this is going to be...

[2:31] This is the official Flophouse record.

Elliott Kalan

[2:33] And this is going to take us less time that we have to all agree on it?

Stuart Wellington

[2:36] We have to all...

[2:37] I mean, Elliot, what, do you think we're just saying our favorites?

[2:39] We have to agree to a top three.

[2:41] That's what people are requesting in their constant emails that are filling up my email box for miniideas at gmail.com.

[2:49] Top three miniideas is what we're saying on?

[2:51] No, no, no.

Elliott Kalan

[2:51] Each one of these things, we're doing the top three that addresses that thing.

Stuart Wellington

[2:54] Okay.

[2:55] Okay.

[2:55] So for instance, we're going to...

[2:56] This is the first one.

[2:57] This should be super easy.

[2:59] No issues here.

[3:00] All right.

[3:00] Let's try it.

[3:00] We have to agree to the official Flophouse top three Pixar movies.

[3:05] Okay?

[3:05] What are the top three Pixar movies?

Dan McCoy

[3:07] I'm just going to...

[3:08] I'm...

[3:08] Look, I'm going to lay down a chip and be like...

[3:12] Please put it down.

[3:13] Personally, I feel like WALL-E has to be on there.

Elliott Kalan

[3:16] Yes.

[3:16] WALL-E would be the first one I would go to as well.

Stuart Wellington

[3:18] You know?

[3:18] WALL-E's definitely on there.

[3:20] Okay.

[3:20] I think all three of us can agree, but we'll figure out where it's placed.

[3:22] That was easy.

[3:23] What else is on there?

[3:24] That was easy.

[3:24] I assume everything else would be just as easy.

[3:26] Don't say the Cars movies, Elliot.

[3:28] I know you have seen Cars 2 more than any human alive.

[3:31] Only Cars 2 is what I would put...

[3:33] No, I would also...

Elliott Kalan

[3:34] Up is another one I would want to put in there.

Dan McCoy

[3:36] I think...

[3:37] It's a controversial one.

[3:38] How so?

[3:40] Well, I feel like that's...

[3:40] You don't like old people?

[3:41] Look, that's the last of the, like, really classic era ones, I think.

[3:47] But I think it has...

[3:51] It's a little lumpier.

[3:52] It's a little like the beginning, everyone remembers.

[3:55] Come on.

[3:55] Beautiful, tear-jerking stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[4:00] But then the...

[4:01] Cartoons can be sad, Dan.

[4:02] Sometimes cartoons can be sad.

Dan McCoy

[4:03] The storytelling throughout the rest of it is a little up and down.

[4:06] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[4:07] I actually find that...

[4:08] One of the things I like about it is that there are elements that should not work together.

[4:12] I find work together pretty nicely in that movie.

[4:14] I always enjoy watching it.

[4:16] I got a tear in my eye.

[4:17] I'm laughing.

[4:18] Maybe I got to revisit.

[4:19] You know what?

[4:19] Yeah, I think...

Stuart Wellington

[4:20] I mean, I think, if anything, this is inspiring me to revisit Up.

[4:23] But...

[4:24] Okay, so those are the...

[4:26] We definitely have one.

[4:27] Up is a possibility.

Elliott Kalan

[4:29] Wally is definitely on there, yeah.

[4:30] Is Good Dinosaur going in there?

[4:31] It is not.

[4:33] No.

[4:35] Which of the Toy Story's?

[4:36] You got to have Toy Story 2, maybe?

Stuart Wellington

[4:39] 3 is so good.

[4:39] Or Toy Story 3.

Elliott Kalan

[4:40] 2 and 3 are both really great.

[4:43] Yeah.

[4:43] You could make a list where it was Wally and Toy Story 2 and Toy Story 3.

[4:47] I don't know if that is the list I would prefer, you know?

[4:49] But you could do that.

[4:52] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:53] I might give the edge to 2.

[4:57] Okay.

[4:58] I personally, like, if we have to just pick one, I would either do two or...

[5:02] We just have to pick three.

Elliott Kalan

[5:03] That's what we would say.

[5:04] Yeah, that's true.

[5:05] I mean, again, we could Solomon this and just put Toy Story 2 and Toy Story 3 on there.

[5:09] And then Toy Story 3 will be like, no, but I shouldn't be on the list if it's going to hurt anybody else.

Stuart Wellington

[5:14] And then we realize Toy Story 3 is the true mom.

[5:17] Mm-hmm.

[5:18] Yep.

[5:19] That's...

[5:19] Wait, that's what it's about?

[5:20] True moms?

Elliott Kalan

[5:21] I mean, that's what the Solomon story is about.

[5:23] Yeah, just like that HBO show, True Mom Tective.

[5:27] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[5:29] I mean, that would do numbers on, like, Hallmark or Lifetime, I think.

[5:33] Mm-hmm.

[5:33] True Mom Tective.

Elliott Kalan

[5:34] So I think we can all agree on movies that are not making it onto the list.

[5:37] Okay.

[5:37] Good Dinosaur is not making it onto the list.

[5:38] Okay.

[5:38] Brave is not making it onto the list.

[5:40] Okay.

[5:40] Soul is not making it onto the list.

[5:42] Okay.

[5:43] What else?

[5:43] Any of the cars.

[5:45] None of the cars are going to get on there.

[5:46] Although I will say Cars 3, it's the best of the series.

[5:49] It's pretty good, but it's not up there with the best of the Pixar movies.

Stuart Wellington

[5:53] What about, there's a Nemo on there.

[5:55] I don't need an onward.

Elliott Kalan

[5:57] No onwards.

[5:58] I would say Nemo is one that I don't particularly love as much as other people.

[6:02] I agree.

Dan McCoy

[6:03] Like, that is a beloved one that has never done all that much for me.

[6:07] No.

[6:07] Despite having some really funny voice work in there.

Elliott Kalan

[6:12] It's not bad.

[6:13] It just doesn't reach the level to me for the other ones.

[6:17] Banjo-Kazooie is not going to be on there.

[6:18] It's a video game, not a Pixar movie.

[6:19] Yeah, that's actually a good point.

[6:21] My Neighbor Totoro is wonderful as it is.

[6:23] It's not a Pixar movie, so that's not on there.

Stuart Wellington

[6:25] I feel like John Lester would gladly put himself in the opening of, would claim some credit for Totoro.

Elliott Kalan

[6:33] He would claim some credit for Totoro.

[6:35] He'd get drunk at work and he'd put his hands on a girl's legs at work.

[6:38] So, John Lester, we don't want him to do that stuff.

[6:41] The, who else?

[6:43] Let's see.

[6:44] Like, like a pineapple.

[6:46] A lot of people like pineapple.

[6:47] I don't.

[6:48] Again, it's not a movie.

[6:49] We wouldn't be on the list.

[6:50] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:51] Pineapple Express is a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[6:53] It's not a Pixar movie.

[6:54] Not a Pixar.

[6:54] Not even animated film.

[6:55] It's a live action film.

[6:56] Yeah.

[6:57] I mean, their performances are pretty animated, though.

[6:59] That's true.

[7:00] That's a good point.

[7:02] What other Pixar, now I'm having trouble.

[7:03] Like, Bugs Life, I've never loved that much.

[7:05] It's fine.

[7:05] It's okay.

Dan McCoy

[7:06] You know, there was a point at which I would have argued for The Incredibles.

[7:10] I tried to rewatch it recently.

[7:12] Oh, right.

[7:13] And it wasn't working for me that well.

Elliott Kalan

[7:15] I will say Incredibles, I loved when it came out.

[7:18] And I also found I don't like it quite as much.

[7:21] Incredibles 2, I didn't love that much.

[7:22] But the first Incredibles, yeah, I feel like some of the, I don't know what it is.

Dan McCoy

[7:26] If I was going to go for a Brad Bird at this point, I would go for a Ratatouille, I think, of his.

[7:30] Again, I'd want to go.

[7:31] Ratatouille's on there.

Elliott Kalan

[7:32] I'd want to go for the Iron Giant, but again, that's not a Pixar story.

[7:35] Yeah, yeah.

[7:36] Ratatouille, that's one where when I first saw it, I was like, this is all right.

[7:40] But I think now I like it more than when I first saw it.

Stuart Wellington

[7:43] I think Ratatouille could be in there.

[7:45] I'll give you, you know what?

Elliott Kalan

[7:46] Let's say Ratatouille.

[7:47] Let's, why not?

[7:48] Let's live dangerously.

[7:49] Let's say, if we're, let's, I could out of spite, because you guys don't like Up as much, say, let's get Ratatouille.

[7:56] Ratatouille has nothing in it that reaches the emotional heights of Up when Up has those emotional heights.

[8:01] But we're definitely putting a Toy Story on there, right?

Dan McCoy

[8:04] I mean, I definitely cry at the end of Ratatouille.

[8:06] Ratatouille when he has his little flashback.

[8:08] When he eats the food.

[8:10] Mm-hmm.

[8:11] Let's do it.

[8:11] I mean, it doesn't destroy me the way the beginning of Up does, but then nothing follows.

[8:15] See, like they, the problem is it.

Elliott Kalan

[8:16] I mean, because his memories of being a kid are not quite as sad as a man losing his wife after a life together.

Dan McCoy

[8:21] Well, I mean, a whole life lived, you know, just like the scope.

Elliott Kalan

[8:25] And the music, the music in Up is great.

[8:27] Mm-hmm.

[8:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:30] No, I think I'd be happy with WALL-E, Toy Story 2, and Ratatouille.

[8:35] That's one, two, and three.

Stuart Wellington

[8:36] Yeah, just as a way to keep life moving along.

[8:40] I will back you on that.

[8:41] Elliot, do you back us on that?

Elliott Kalan

[8:43] Just to keep the episode moving, I will.

[8:44] I would put Up instead of Ratatouille.

[8:47] But that's just me.

[8:48] Hey, let's keep the episode moving.

[8:50] In the interest of being a functioning democracy, I'll take the compromise and I'll keep moving.

[8:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:55] Okay.

[8:56] Next one, this one should be.

[8:57] But the next one, I'm going to be a real asshole about.

[8:59] Yeah, next one should be a little easier.

[9:02] Songs by the band The Cars.

Elliott Kalan

[9:07] Do I know three songs?

[9:10] You've got to.

[9:11] I got to.

[9:11] I must, right?

[9:12] I mean.

[9:13] Let me look them up.

Dan McCoy

[9:14] Maybe the memory of Phoebe Cates is influencing me, but I think it's a pretty great song.

[9:20] Moving Stereo is a pretty great song.

Stuart Wellington

[9:23] I'm a big fan of, what is it?

[9:24] Let's Go with the clapping.

Dan McCoy

[9:29] You're All I've Got Tonight.

Stuart Wellington

[9:31] That's a good one.

[9:32] Let the Good Times Roll.

Elliott Kalan

[9:33] Let the Good Times Roll.

[9:35] I know.

[9:35] Let the Good Times Roll, I know.

[9:36] I don't think I know enough songs by the Cars guys, or I've heard them and I don't know them.

Dan McCoy

[9:40] You don't know Best Friends Girl or Just What I Need It?

[9:43] Best Friends Girl.

Elliott Kalan

[9:44] I got to need a girl like my best friend's girl.

[9:47] Where can I find a best friend's girl like that?

[9:49] Is that the song?

Dan McCoy

[9:50] I'm mashing up two songs.

[9:51] Okay.

[9:52] I don't know the song you're talking about.

[9:54] That's insane.

Stuart Wellington

[9:57] That's like when my ex-girlfriend said she'd never heard Love Shack before and I'm like,

[10:01] we're the same age.

[10:02] Well, that's-

[10:03] You've been in a mall before.

Elliott Kalan

[10:04] I don't think you can compare that.

[10:05] I feel like Love Shack was everywhere.

[10:07] The Cars is a very successful band.

[10:09] They had songs that you would certainly hear a lot, but Love Shack was everywhere, you know?

[10:13] Because how not?

[10:14] It's impossible to listen to it and not be happy.

[10:16] Like you want to get up and dance.

[10:18] It rules.

[10:18] It's a great song.

[10:19] It's about going to a Love Shack.

[10:20] You're going to a shack full of love.

[10:23] Do I want to go to a shack?

[10:25] No.

[10:25] There's love there?

[10:26] Maybe.

[10:27] How big is your car?

[10:28] How many people does it seem?

Dan McCoy

[10:29] And you get to bang, bang, bang on the door, baby?

[10:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:32] The tin roof, admittedly, rusted.

[10:34] But still, you want to be in that shack, you know?

[10:37] I mean, the walls are shaking because everybody's moving around and around and around, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[10:42] I guess I like just showing what songs he can do for karaoke.

[10:44] He can do this and his weird mashup of Best Friend's Girl and Jessie's Girl.

Elliott Kalan

[10:49] I guess what I'm showing is I know the B-52s much better than I know the Cars, so.

[10:52] Yeah, name three songs.

[10:54] The B-52s?

[10:56] Strobe Light?

[10:58] What?

[10:59] Wow.

[10:59] You didn't even go to Rock Lobster as a second one.

[11:02] I didn't even think about Rock Lobster.

[11:03] Or Good Stuff.

[11:03] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[11:04] Rome, Planet Claire.

[11:06] Like, you went to a pass.

[11:07] Planet Claire, yeah.

[11:08] Okay, so.

[11:09] So we've all established we know B-52s songs.

[11:13] Yeah.

[11:13] The listener should have asked about B-52s, but they asked about the Cars instead.

Elliott Kalan

[11:17] I would have had such stronger opinions about that, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[11:21] I'm pushing for Let's Go and I think moving in stereo.

[11:24] Okay.

[11:25] Do you want to say?

Dan McCoy

[11:27] I mean, I don't know if it's one of their best ones, but like, I just remembered, shake

[11:32] it up.

[11:33] Oh, yeah.

[11:34] Shake it up.

Elliott Kalan

[11:36] I think they have a bunch of songs like that where I think of it as the music I hear in movies

[11:41] and commercials, but it's not necessarily like, I don't even think of them as, like, Let the

[11:45] Good Times Roll is a song where I think of it as like, oh, that's something I hear on

[11:47] the soundtracks of things.

[11:49] Like, I don't necessarily hear it as a song, but it is a song, obviously.

[11:51] You should buy the record and listen to it.

Dan McCoy

[11:53] Maybe I have to.

[11:54] We're going like big songs, so the third one I might go with is Just What I Needed,

[11:59] just because it's like...

[12:00] Just What I Needed.

[12:01] Okay.

[12:01] Oh, that's a Cars song?

Stuart Wellington

[12:02] All right.

[12:03] Yeah.

[12:04] You, if they don't have at least like three Cars songs in the Cars movies, Elliot, it's your

[12:09] favorite movie series we've already talked about.

[12:11] That would be insane if you haven't heard a bunch of Cars.

Elliott Kalan

[12:13] No, they only play Life is a Highway over and over again.

Stuart Wellington

[12:18] That sounds like some kind of weird, like, existentialist hell for me.

[12:25] Somehow they make a less soulful version of it.

[12:28] That feels like...

[12:29] Well, that's the Rascal Flatts version.

[12:30] Rascal Flatts is the less soulful version of a rock band, yeah.

[12:33] I'm like trapped in an arcade and there's a driving game and that's the theme music and

[12:38] I have to hear it all day long.

Elliott Kalan

[12:41] I once went with our friend of the show, Matt Carman.

[12:44] We went and took our kids to a slot car racing place in Brooklyn and they had the old Ninja

[12:50] Turtles arcade game that was...

[12:52] And no one was playing it, but it would just...

[12:53] Every couple seconds it would play the demo where it starts playing the beginning of the

[12:58] theme song and it goes, Cowabunga!

[13:00] And then 30 seconds would go by and then it would play again.

[13:04] And I just looked at the proprietors of the slot car place who were both elderly people

[13:08] and I was like, you have to sit and hear this all day, every day.

[13:12] They don't hear it anymore, Elliot.

[13:13] They must not even notice it anymore, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[13:16] Yeah, it's just like audio mush to them.

[13:19] Okay.

[13:21] So that was relatively painless.

[13:23] Audio mush.

Elliott Kalan

[13:24] Some of the best audio mush, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[13:25] That was relatively painless.

[13:27] We're just grinding away.

[13:29] Next one is Saturday Night Live hosts.

[13:34] Hosts?

[13:34] Hosts.

[13:35] Oh, wow.

Dan McCoy

[13:36] I mean, you got to go Steve Martin for one of them, I feel like.

[13:38] Steve Martin would probably be number one.

[13:39] He's like the classic.

[13:40] Yeah.

[13:41] Okay.

[13:42] He brings something special with him.

Stuart Wellington

[13:43] And before Dan says his two favorites, Elon Musk and Donald Trump, let's just say, I don't

[13:49] think we should pick them.

[13:50] I don't think we should pick them, no.

Elliott Kalan

[13:52] Steven Seagal.

[13:54] Not Steven Seagal.

[13:55] I would put Tom Hanks.

[13:57] Agent Brody.

[13:58] I'd put Tom Hanks as a sincere reply.

[14:03] Tom Hanks.

[14:03] He's another one where he always, he adds to what he's doing there.

[14:06] He always seems like he's game for it.

[14:07] He's genuinely a very funny and smart performer.

Stuart Wellington

[14:10] We should have a lady in there.

[14:12] Melissa McCarthy.

[14:14] I'll push for Melissa McCarthy.

[14:15] I think she throws herself in there.

[14:18] I'm thinking about it.

[14:19] I'm not going to argue too hard with it.

Dan McCoy

[14:21] I'd like never been one of my faves, but I'm trying to think who else I would counter

[14:30] with.

[14:31] I mean, she's good.

Elliott Kalan

[14:32] I think she's really good.

[14:33] Yeah.

[14:33] I would have no problem with her.

[14:35] Well, maybe I should just.

Stuart Wellington

[14:37] Or you want to push for another five timer like Emma Stone or Tina Fey doesn't count.

Dan McCoy

[14:44] She's a former cast member.

Elliott Kalan

[14:45] We're not counting former cast members.

[14:47] All right.

[14:47] That's yeah.

[14:48] We can narrow that down.

Dan McCoy

[14:49] No, no, no.

[14:50] I'll go with Melissa McCarthy.

[14:51] I do.

[14:51] I do like Emma Stone a lot as a host as well, but.

[14:54] She is good.

[14:55] But I don't think she has the like the animal intensity.

Stuart Wellington

[14:59] No, but she does.

[15:00] Well, I think like Melissa McCarthy.

Dan McCoy

[15:02] She does a fun character work that I would love someone to tap into.

Elliott Kalan

[15:06] This is a snobby thing for me to say or a snobby dumb thing.

[15:10] Melissa McCarthy.

[15:11] Emma Stone is a very funny actress.

[15:13] Melissa McCarthy is a comedy person.

[15:15] Like Melissa McCarthy is is is comedy is a part of her in a way that I don't necessarily think it is the same way for a performer like I'm.

[15:22] Now, I again, we put I put Tom Hanks on there.

[15:25] He I don't know if he's a comedy person or not.

[15:26] Maybe he's a comedy person adjacent.

Stuart Wellington

[15:28] You know, I mean, he he's in a comedy called Bachelor Party.

Elliott Kalan

[15:31] I think he played a stand up in punchline.

Dan McCoy

[15:34] I think I'm just being influenced by Melissa McCarthy's recent projects have not matched her talent.

[15:40] And so that is a cloud over her.

[15:43] I don't think her work has ever matched her potential.

Elliott Kalan

[15:46] I think she has the potential to be one of the funniest film performers maybe ever.

[15:52] And I and I've every time I see something with her in it, I'm always like, I wish this was like it's like watching a lot of Peter Sellers movies where you're like, I wish this movie was as good as you should be as as your talent deserves.

[16:02] Yeah.

[16:03] You know.

[16:04] And Steve Martin, of course, is a comedy genius.

[16:06] Yeah.

[16:06] So.

Stuart Wellington

[16:07] OK.

[16:08] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[16:08] I think if I met him, I'd be very frightened that I would displease him or that he would be rude to me in some way.

[16:13] But, you know, but I, you know, his work is very inspirational to me.

[16:17] I mean, not really that.

[16:18] I mean, it's it's the part and parcel.

Dan McCoy

[16:19] He seems gracious but cold.

[16:22] Like, I don't think he would be mean to you.

Elliott Kalan

[16:24] But I think he's someone who his stand up comedy work, I find genuinely inspiring.

[16:28] I find it revolutionary, you know.

[16:30] Yeah.

[16:30] So.

Stuart Wellington

[16:31] That was that was kind of easier.

[16:33] That was an easy one.

[16:33] I thought we were going to battle on that one.

[16:35] I thought we were going to battle on that one.

[16:37] How about movies starring a dog?

[16:40] Oh.

[16:41] OK.

[16:43] It can be in a guest starring role too.

[16:45] Starring a dog.

[16:46] But it has to be like one of the top bills.

Elliott Kalan

[16:48] Now an animal dog or like Warren Beatty?

[16:50] Animal dog, not Warren Beatty.

Stuart Wellington

[16:52] All right.

[16:53] Unless he is doing the voice of a dog character.

Dan McCoy

[16:57] So I guess Bonnie and Clyde is off the list.

[16:59] A little searching because I don't have a lot on the top of my.

Elliott Kalan

[17:02] Best movie starring a dog.

[17:03] Have you guys ever seen the movie White Dog?

[17:05] Samuel Fuller movie.

[17:07] No.

[17:07] About the racist dog?

[17:09] About the racist dog.

[17:09] I haven't seen it.

[17:10] I'm aware of it.

[17:11] No.

[17:12] It's a dog that's been trained by a racist.

[17:14] And now these people have to deprogram it, basically.

[17:17] Oh, wow.

[17:17] That's crazy.

[17:18] It's a good movie.

[17:19] It's not.

[17:19] Maybe it's not one of the best, but it's a good movie.

[17:21] But at least that is a movie about a dog that is a serious movie as opposed to like Beethoven, Air Bud, you know, that kind of stuff.

Dan McCoy

[17:27] Now, which Marmaduke movie are we going to go with?

[17:29] Oh, boy.

Elliott Kalan

[17:30] Now, are we talking about animated movies also or movies where an actual live dog was animated?

[17:35] Yeah, these live dogs.

Stuart Wellington

[17:35] The rule doesn't say anything against animated dogs.

[17:40] Okay.

[17:41] Because that changes things a little bit.

Dan McCoy

[17:43] There's a sly Air Bud reference, I think, from Stuart there.

[17:45] A dog movie.

[17:46] Yeah.

[17:47] Yeah, exactly.

[17:47] Nothing in the rule book.

Elliott Kalan

[17:48] Now that I think about it, it's hard for me to think of any animated dog movies that I think are particularly amazing.

[17:53] All Dogs Go to Heaven?

[17:55] Yeah.

[17:55] Like I said, hard for me to think of any animated dog movies that I think are amazing.

Stuart Wellington

[17:59] The animated Marmaduke movie we covered for the podcast.

[18:01] Once again, I think.

Dan McCoy

[18:02] The Shaggy Dog or the Shaggy DA?

[18:04] Once you do it, just like before he was employed or after.

Elliott Kalan

[18:08] Are those movies starring a dog or a man who turns into a dog?

[18:12] I'll say it's starring a dog.

[18:14] Okay.

[18:14] I guess the dog plays the part of the dog.

[18:16] Yeah.

[18:18] I think I probably will put Beethoven on there because it's got Charles Grodin in it too.

[18:22] And a big dog and Charles Grodin is a good combination.

[18:24] That's a good combination.

Stuart Wellington

[18:26] You're not going to say like Turner and Hooch or K-9?

[18:28] No, because Turner and Hooch is not a good movie.

[18:30] K-9 is also not a good movie.

Elliott Kalan

[18:31] I think I'd like, let's not put movies on that are bad.

[18:33] I'm going to.

Dan McCoy

[18:36] I'll put a real one out there.

[18:39] Not necessarily one of my favorite Disney movies, but a good one.

[18:43] 101 Dalmatians.

[18:45] Oh, I thought you were going to say Balto.

[18:48] That's not a Disney movie, Balto.

[18:49] The animated one, Elliot.

[18:50] Not one of the.

[18:51] Oh, okay.

[18:52] Not the live action.

Elliott Kalan

[18:54] I'm just like Homeward Bound.

[18:54] I'm not saying necessarily that's a.

Dan McCoy

[18:56] Homeward Bound is a dog movie.

Elliott Kalan

[18:57] I'm going to put Homeward Bound.

[18:58] I'm going to suggest Homeward Bound on there.

[19:00] Are you going to put like Milo and Otis or something on there?

[19:02] No.

[19:04] I don't want to celebrate that kind of mistreatment.

[19:08] I love how angry Elliot is getting.

Stuart Wellington

[19:11] Cujo?

[19:13] I don't feel like the Cujo movie lived up to my hopes.

Elliott Kalan

[19:16] What about Man's Best Friend?

[19:18] Do you remember that one where this experimental dog.

Stuart Wellington

[19:20] Yeah.

[19:20] Escapes.

[19:21] Yeah.

[19:21] I mean, it does have Lance Henriksen in it.

[19:23] It does.

Dan McCoy

[19:23] What about Far From Home, The Adventures of Yellow Dog?

Stuart Wellington

[19:27] That is one I'm not familiar with.

Dan McCoy

[19:28] I want to know about Yellow Dog's Adventures.

Elliott Kalan

[19:31] What about these straw dogs?

[19:33] They're dogs made out of straw?

[19:35] Or are they just like sleeping in straw?

[19:37] Yeah.

[19:39] We did it on the Flophouse and it's a CGI dog.

[19:42] But I might put on that.

[19:44] Nah, it's too high for it.

[19:45] That Call the Wild movie with Harrison Ford, which is like not a great movie.

[19:49] But to be honest, like that's a, it's a, I think it's kind of a solid movie.

[19:53] But maybe it loses points for being a CGI movie.

Stuart Wellington

[19:56] Well, we, I mean, I actually, I'll back you up on the 101 Dalmatians.

[20:01] I remember liking that quite a bit, despite the one song at the end with the cats.

[20:07] Oh, the Siamese.

[20:08] Yeah.

[20:08] Wait, that's from Lady and the Tramp.

[20:09] That's Lady and the Tramp.

Dan McCoy

[20:10] Oh, wait.

Stuart Wellington

[20:11] That's a dog movie.

[20:12] Lady and the Tramp.

[20:13] Actually, you know what?

Elliott Kalan

[20:13] I would put Lady and the Tramp above 101 Dalmatians.

[20:16] Yeah, yeah.

[20:17] If only because the last time I saw 101 Dalmatians was, I mean, I love Guilla de Vil.

[20:20] She's great.

[20:21] She's like, she's not quite Ursula, but she's getting to Ursula, the greatest of all Disney

[20:26] villains.

[20:26] And, but the last time I saw that movie with my kids when they were younger, they found

[20:32] it very upsetting.

[20:33] And I was like, oh, this movie is all about people on the run from the Nazis.

[20:38] That's what 101 Dalmatians is about.

[20:40] And I, and it was, and I felt like it was a little too harsh for the kids.

[20:44] Lady and the Tramp, aside from the Siamese song, which is a catchy song, even if it's not,

[20:48] you know, if it's problematic, it's got the scene with the spaghetti where they accidentally

[20:52] kiss.

[20:53] That's maybe the greatest scene in any movie involving a dog.

[20:56] I, I, I argue that it is the greatest dog movie moment.

[20:59] So yeah, I'm going to say Lady and the Tramp.

Dan McCoy

[21:01] Well, here's, here's one that like, I'm going to toss out there that is not necessarily a

[21:05] favorite movie of mine, but is perhaps the iconic dog movie.

[21:10] And that's Old Yeller.

[21:11] Oh.

[21:12] I don't think I've ever actually seen Old Yeller.

[21:14] I've only seen the end of it.

[21:15] I remember seeing it and being bummed.

[21:16] I feel like more than once, like at some school thing, they're like, well, we're not going

[21:23] to teach you anymore.

[21:24] We're going to wheel in a thing and show you Old Yeller.

Elliott Kalan

[21:26] Let's bum out the kids.

[21:27] I mean, you could put on there, it's certainly a classic.

[21:29] I've never seen it.

[21:30] I don't think, but I know of it as a classic.

Stuart Wellington

[21:32] So we got Lady and the Tramp in that top three.

[21:35] Maybe Old Yeller.

[21:37] Maybe, what was that?

[21:38] Homeward Bound?

[21:39] I'm going to, oh.

[21:41] Frankenweenie?

[21:42] Frankenweenie?

[21:43] I never saw the feature length one.

Elliott Kalan

[21:44] I've seen the short.

[21:45] No, I mean, the short is great.

[21:46] Does it count?

[21:48] So you said dogs could be in supporting roles, right?

[21:50] It would have to be a prominent supporting role.

[21:52] Is it too much of a stretch to say Toto in The Wizard of Oz?

[21:57] Because The Wizard of Oz is maybe the greatest movie ever made.

[22:00] Toto is a prominent character in it.

[22:02] He gets a lot of screen time.

[22:03] But he is not second build, certainly.

[22:06] It's not necessarily a Toto movie.

[22:08] It's not really a Toto movie.

[22:10] Dune is a Toto movie because Toto did the score for it.

Dan McCoy

[22:12] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[22:13] I do think that Toto is a member of the team.

[22:16] That's true.

[22:16] There's a five.

Elliott Kalan

[22:17] Sure, he's the demolitions expert.

[22:19] I thought he was the religious guy who goes crazy.

[22:21] Yeah, he's the con man who can talk his way into anywhere.

[22:24] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:26] In a way, he kind of is.

[22:28] Okay, let's say, let's give it.

[22:31] So we have Wizard of Oz with Toto.

[22:33] We have Lady and the Tramp.

[22:36] And the third was?

[22:38] Old Yeller.

[22:39] Okay, we did it, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[22:40] We'll do it.

[22:41] We'll do it.

[22:41] I mean.

[22:42] Official.

[22:42] I think the, yeah, I just, I have to speak up for Wizard of Oz

[22:47] because I've been realizing more and more as I get older,

[22:50] I think it's maybe my favorite movie of all time.

[22:52] Like, if I'm being honest with myself,

[22:53] I think Wizard of Oz is probably my favorite movie ever made.

[22:55] I think it's just maybe the most magical movie ever made, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[22:59] Okay, we're going to do one more before we take a little break.

[23:01] We are flying through these, guys.

[23:03] The next one is Kaiju, not starting with the letter G.

[23:08] Oh, wow.

[23:09] That's the main two.

[23:10] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[23:12] I'm in the elite's category here because I'm not.

Elliott Kalan

[23:13] And you also can't, you can't have Ghidorah on there either,

[23:15] who's, I would say, the second best after the big man himself, Godzilla.

Dan McCoy

[23:18] What about King Ghidorah?

[23:20] Yeah, let's not play games.

Elliott Kalan

[23:22] Let's not be cute here.

Dan McCoy

[23:26] I can't help being cute, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[23:28] You're just naturally cute.

[23:30] I mean, because then like, let's think about who we could put on there.

[23:34] We could put Rodan on there,

[23:35] who I feel like I love his original movie.

[23:38] After that, he never quite lives up to,

[23:40] he is very much the third of the big trio of Toho monsters after Godzilla and Mothra.

[23:46] Mothra could be on there, get a lady on the list.

[23:49] Mothra definitely could go on there.

[23:50] And Mothra had some more modern movie.

[23:52] I mean, more modern.

[23:53] They're probably like 10, 15 years ago, I think.

[23:55] She had some recent movies.

[23:59] Let's see, what other, you could talk, I mean, in terms of the Gamera movies,

[24:04] there's some fun ones on there.

[24:06] I'm trying to remember which is the one who has a head that's shaped like a cleaver.

[24:09] But that's G.

[24:10] I'm talking about the other movies in the Gamera series, you know.

[24:13] Not Gaios, obviously, because it starts with a G.

Stuart Wellington

[24:16] Does Mr. King Kong belong on there?

Elliott Kalan

[24:19] Here's the thing.

[24:20] Is King Kong a kaiju?

[24:22] That's the question to ask.

[24:24] I would say the American King Kong is not, he's not big enough, probably.

[24:28] But if King Kong is, you know what, let's just say he's allowable.

Dan McCoy

[24:31] Is the mighty Peking man then the version that would be allowable?

Elliott Kalan

[24:35] Yeah, or the gargantuan, but that starts with G.

[24:37] You can't have the gargantuan.

[24:38] You know, let's say King Kong's available, that he can do it.

[24:41] Because he is, then he would be number one.

[24:43] He is that, he's, I think, one of the fangaiju that people.

Stuart Wellington

[24:45] I hope Xander Cannon's listening to this episode and getting angry that we're forgetting obvious ones.

Elliott Kalan

[24:49] I'm sure we're forgetting.

[24:50] I mean, I don't know like the Ultraman characters that well, you know, there's a ton of them.

[24:54] I keep thinking of other ones that start with G.

[24:56] I'm like, Gigan?

[24:57] No, starts with G.

[24:58] Mecha Godzilla.

[25:02] Godzilla, comma, Mecha.

[25:06] Dan, you've been notably quiet.

[25:08] I'm looking at a poster for Reptilicus.

Dan McCoy

[25:10] It's pretty cool.

[25:11] Reptilicus is pretty crappy.

[25:12] Pretty cool poster, though.

[25:14] Look at this.

Elliott Kalan

[25:14] It's a cool poster.

[25:15] As someone who's, it is a cool poster.

[25:16] As someone who saw that movie probably 15 times when we did it for Mystery Science Theater.

[25:21] And the same goes for Youngery, the other kaiju movie that we did.

Dan McCoy

[25:28] I mean, I just don't, I don't have the same depth of kaiju knowledge.

[25:33] Like, I, this is one of these things that I like the, I like the fact that it exists in the world.

[25:40] I like the aesthetic.

[25:41] Sure, like Kevin Smith movies.

[25:44] I guess.

[25:45] I like, I like the aesthetic.

[25:47] I like, but I find most traditional kaiju movies, with the exception of the original Godzilla, kind of boring.

Elliott Kalan

[26:00] I mean, you gotta really like it.

[26:01] You gotta sit through a lot of talking to get to the monsters, which is the fun part.

[26:05] I mean, but the, but you gotta see, you're gonna wanna see Godzilla minus zero when it comes out, right?

Dan McCoy

[26:10] Speaking of, but this is referring back to a, another podcast that we recorded before this one, but I believe we'll release after, probably, if I remember the schedule.

[26:21] Speaking of 4DX, which we were, a friend was talking about how, like, they saw kaiju movies with, like, a Godzilla movie with, like, 4DX and how you think, like, oh, this will be, like, the perfect movie for it.

[26:35] But you forget how much of it is, like, just people in rooms talking and, like, boardrooms, like, making decisions.

[26:40] Oh, look at these results, officer.

[26:41] Oh, Professor Somerso, yeah.

[26:42] There was, like, a moment that in 4DX, they were, like, playing, like, a fax machine that was, like, rolling down the hall, essentially.

[26:49] Like, the camera's on the machine as it rolled down, you'd feel, like, little jiggles as if you were the machine.

[26:55] That's pretty exciting.

Elliott Kalan

[26:56] That's very funny.

[26:57] It really puts you in the movie.

[26:59] So, here's, I would start the list with King Kong at number one.

[27:02] Okay.

[27:03] And I would put Mothra at number two.

[27:05] Okay.

[27:06] Stuart, what do you think?

[27:07] Are there any others that come to mind for you?

Stuart Wellington

[27:10] Man, I feel like this is a lot harder than I expected when I got this question because there are so many Gs.

Elliott Kalan

[27:18] There are so many Gs.

[27:19] And otherwise, it's, like, Hedorah, Ebera.

[27:22] Like, they're not, the non-G1, you know, Megalon, the non-G1s are not always the best of them, you know?

[27:29] And you know what?

[27:30] I might, for number three, just because I like them, I might put Angiris, who first shows up in the second Godzilla movie.

[27:38] It's, some places it was released as Godzilla Raids again.

[27:42] Some places it was Gigantus, the fire monster.

[27:44] But he's like a spiny-backed turtle.

[27:48] He's on four legs most of the time.

[27:50] And I really liked that, I like that he's got a different kind of look and movement to the other kaiju.

[27:56] Because he's a quadruped.

[27:57] Different silhouette, yeah.

[27:57] Exactly.

[27:58] But he's in a lot of the movies.

[27:59] He's super fun.

[28:00] He's got a lot of attitude.

[28:02] So I think that's what I, I think, I might put Angiris at number three.

Dan McCoy

[28:06] I do want, if Xander's listening, I do want him to write in and tell us which ones we're forgetting.

[28:09] How we fucked up.

Elliott Kalan

[28:10] And I'll say, if you haven't read Kaiju Max, it's a really wonderful comic book series.

[28:15] It's one of the best.

[28:15] Great.

[28:16] Pick it up.

[28:16] It starts out, you're like, this is going to be a joke.

[28:18] And then you're like, this comic is making me cry.

[28:21] Why is it so sad?

[28:22] Why is it so sad?

[28:23] Why is it so powerful?

Stuart Wellington

[28:25] So that is a perfect spot for us to take a quick break.

[28:29] And we'll be back to finish this list so we can finally get some rest around here.

S3

[28:40] Friends, it's your captains, Janet Varney and John Hodgman.

S5

[28:45] As we come in for a landing on season three, we want you to know that all episodes of this season of E Pluribus Motto are available now.

[28:52] Be ready to binge hours devoted to the yellow hammers of Alabama.

S3

[28:56] The tree octopi or octopuses of Washington or Washington.

S5

[29:01] And mottos official, unofficial, Latin and otherwise from states like Nebraska, Florida and more.

S3

[29:05] Once again, all E Pluribus Motto episodes are available now on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

S5

[29:13] We hope you've enjoyed your journey with us and we look forward to traveling with you again soon.

[29:18] Please stay seated until the podcast comes to a complete stop.

[29:20] Beep.

S6

[29:22] Hey Alexis.

[29:24] Hey Ella.

[29:25] What animal has the most teeth?

[29:26] I would guess a shark.

[29:29] A snail.

[29:30] No, snails don't have teeth.

[29:32] They have thousands and they are freaky looking.

[29:35] No, I don't want that to be true.

[29:37] Okay.

[29:38] Did you know that the hippocampus in your brain is named after the half horse, half fish sea creature found in Greek mythology?

[29:44] I didn't know that, but we're meant to be doing animal trivia and hippocampus isn't a real animal.

[29:49] Well, that doesn't matter on Comfort Creatures.

[29:50] You're right.

[29:51] It doesn't matter at all.

[29:52] Comfort Creatures is a cozy show for lovers of animals of all shapes and sizes, real and unreal.

[29:57] If that sounds like your cup of tea, then join us every Thursday for new episodes on MaximumFun.org.

Dan McCoy

[30:04] I'd like to say that this podcast is sponsored in part by Squarespace.

Elliott Kalan

[30:09] Well, if you'd like to say it, go ahead and say it, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[30:12] This podcast is sponsored in part by Squarespace.

[30:14] I will say it.

[30:15] There you go.

[30:16] Gosh darn it.

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Stuart Wellington

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Elliott Kalan

[32:55] Every now and then on the Flophouse, we have what's called a Jumbotron.

[33:00] What is a Jumbotron?

[33:01] A Jumbotron is a message paid for by our listeners so that we'll say it.

[33:08] And I am going to say this one.

[33:10] This Jumbotron is from Witty.

[33:13] It is for Driz.

[33:14] And the message is, thank you for always being my Godzilla buddy and bad joke sounding board.

[33:19] We'll always have the time.

[33:20] You came all the way to Boston to ask the peaches what they would apologize for on Yom Kippur.

[33:24] Can't wait to hear all about your new adventures after escaping this hell country.

[33:28] Miss you.

[33:28] Love you.

[33:29] And can't wait to celebrate with you.

[33:31] What a sweet message.

[33:33] And I appreciate it.

[33:34] And I appreciate it.

[33:34] It's a little nod to my own heritage.

[33:37] So, again, if you would like to have a sweet message like that stated on the Flophouse, go to – Dan, where do we go to?

[33:46] Maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron.

[33:49] And you can pay to have your words come out of our mouths.

[33:54] Any words.

[33:56] Well.

[33:57] Well, maybe not any words.

[33:58] Within reason.

[33:59] Within reason.

[33:59] But, hey, if you'd rather pay to see us say our own words rather than your words, then why not tune in to Flop TV?

[34:07] Because season four of Flop TV is on the air.

[34:10] And by on the air, I mean on your computer.

[34:13] Flop TV is, of course, the one-hour live streaming video version of the Flophouse.

[34:18] Us three dudes talking movies.

[34:21] We got presentations.

[34:22] We got video segments.

[34:23] It's like a TV show.

[34:24] It's like we have our own TV show and we do it all ourselves so that the networks can't tell us that we can't get the green light.

[34:32] They can't cancel us, man.

[34:33] And I mean that in the original term of canceling a show, not like canceling a person.

[34:37] We can be canceled.

[34:38] And that's why we don't want to be careful about which words you pay for that we say.

[34:43] So go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com and you can buy tickets to watch this season of The Flophouse.

[34:49] This season is all about Best Picture winners.

[34:51] We've had some fun episodes already.

[34:53] We've got more.

[34:53] It's the first Saturday of every month at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific.

[34:58] Can't make it on time to watch it live?

[35:00] Well, your ticket gets you access to the recording of the show and those recordings will stay up on the website until the end of February.

[35:08] So the first Saturday of each month through February, it's Flop TV.

[35:11] Go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[35:13] Hey, why not buy yourself a season pass?

[35:15] That's six episodes for the cost of five.

[35:18] You missed some episodes?

[35:19] That's okay.

[35:19] You can watch the videos of them.

[35:21] And it's just like watching a real TV show.

[35:24] That's theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

Stuart Wellington

[35:30] Okay, we're back.

[35:31] And we are pushing our way through this big old heap of mini ideas.

[35:36] We've got truth three, I think.

[35:37] By picking the top three of a bunch of different things.

[35:40] It hasn't come to blows yet.

[35:43] So the next thing we're going to do is top three.

[35:46] We have to decide the top three is the official ranking.

[35:48] Top three pasta shapes.

[35:51] Okay.

[35:51] Ooh.

[35:52] Ooh.

Dan McCoy

[35:52] Okay.

[35:54] Sorry.

[35:54] I was momentarily distracted by the idea that would come to blows because it would have to be between you and I, Stuart, since we're in the same room.

[36:02] Otherwise, we'd be punching the computer to try and punch Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[36:05] I would buy a plane ticket, take it over there, cartoon style, little red dots, and then I would arrive and then I would punch Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[36:13] Do you guys ever heard that stand-up routine by Pervy George Carlin where he's like, sometimes it comes to blows and sometimes they blow to come.

[36:20] I'm like, Pervy George Carlin, this is not appropriate.

Stuart Wellington

[36:24] But it does sound like Pervy George Carlin doesn't smoke as much.

Elliott Kalan

[36:27] No, I don't think so.

[36:28] Takes care of himself.

[36:29] Yeah, his main vice is just masturbation.

[36:32] So anyway, let's talk about pasta shapes.

[36:35] Speaking of things you could masturbate with, let's talk about pasta shapes.

[36:39] Yeah, sure.

[36:39] So I think I may have some controversial opinions on this.

[36:46] Guys, I want to put ZD on there.

[36:48] I don't know if that's controversial or not.

Stuart Wellington

[36:50] I was going to say fuck you, but you're making me think.

[36:52] But also –

Dan McCoy

[36:53] I got to get clear on – ZD is a tube.

[36:57] It's one of the tubes, right?

[36:58] It's a tube.

[36:58] Yeah, it's one of the tubes.

[36:59] Is that the one?

Elliott Kalan

[37:00] It's the one that's kind of –

[37:02] No, it's sort of –

[37:03] It's kind of slanted at the ends, you know.

[37:06] It's a little narrower.

[37:07] It's not penne.

Stuart Wellington

[37:08] No, penne, that comes in a chafing dish with vodka sauce,

[37:12] and that is the only way penne is ever served.

Elliott Kalan

[37:15] Oh, you know what?

[37:15] Penne is the one that I got mixed up.

[37:17] Penne is the one that's slanted at the ends.

[37:19] ZD is the one that's not, but I'm still going with ZD.

Stuart Wellington

[37:22] I like a shorter tube, so I'm more of a rigatoni guy.

[37:25] Okay, interesting.

[37:26] How is rigatoni these days?

[37:28] Pretty good.

Dan McCoy

[37:30] No complaints.

[37:32] I mean, we're talking about tubes, talking tubes.

[37:35] I just want to say –

[37:36] Let's talk tubes, shall we?

[37:37] Is tube boy over here?

[37:39] Yeah.

[37:39] We're talking tube.

[37:39] Yeah.

[37:41] I prefer – what is it?

[37:44] Bucatini.

[37:45] He's going to go with Bucatini, the longest tube.

[37:48] Well, I prefer it to spaghetti.

[37:50] I feel like spaghetti is used a lot as sort of the standard pasta,

[37:56] but if you want something that's going to hold the sauce,

[37:58] the Bucatini is going to do you better.

Elliott Kalan

[38:00] I'm going to go with you on that because I like a nice carbonar,

[38:05] and Bucatini is really good for that.

[38:07] So, yeah, I would say Bucatini also.

[38:08] What are you guys' feelings on Orchietti?

Dan McCoy

[38:10] I love it.

[38:11] Oh, I love an Orchietti.

[38:12] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[38:12] What about Radiatori, the lower radiators?

[38:16] I know that one.

[38:17] Oh, look it up.

[38:18] They look incredible.

Dan McCoy

[38:19] I have to look at what it looks like again.

[38:21] Oh, yeah, Radiatori I like.

Elliott Kalan

[38:22] Yeah, yeah, I like Radiatori.

[38:22] It's like the crinkle-cut French fry of pasta.

Dan McCoy

[38:25] What was that?

[38:26] Farfalle?

[38:27] Or Farfalle?

[38:27] I don't know how you –

[38:29] Okay, wait.

[38:30] I got to look that one up.

Elliott Kalan

[38:31] Yeah, Farfalle is good.

[38:31] It's the little bow tie.

[38:32] It's like a little vampire bat bow tie.

Dan McCoy

[38:34] Oh, right.

[38:34] That's the little bow tie.

[38:35] Oh, wait.

[38:36] No, I was thinking of the wrong thing.

[38:38] I don't – bow tie is fine.

[38:39] I'm not –

[38:40] What am I thinking of?

[38:42] Dan throwing Farfalle under the bus.

[38:43] You're not thinking of didalini, right?

[38:46] I'm always thinking of didalini.

[38:48] Actually, I don't know what that is.

Stuart Wellington

[38:49] It's like tiny little tubes.

Elliott Kalan

[38:51] Are you thinking about like fusilli?

Dan McCoy

[38:56] No, too silly.

[38:58] You know what I was thinking of?

[39:00] Papardelle.

[39:01] I like papardelle.

[39:01] Papardelle.

[39:02] Okay.

[39:03] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[39:03] That's kind of a fatter noodle, right?

[39:05] Yeah, it's kind of –

[39:06] Yeah, fat and thin.

[39:07] It's like the – it's a little bit more like – what's that?

[39:12] The Asian noodle.

[39:13] That's the flatter one.

Dan McCoy

[39:15] Oh, yeah, like in some Thai –

[39:17] Like drunken noodles or something.

[39:19] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[39:20] I would say – so I think let's put bucatini right on that list.

[39:24] Why not?

[39:24] Okay.

[39:24] Let's do it.

Stuart Wellington

[39:25] Bucatini is in the top three, but we're not placing it yet.

Elliott Kalan

[39:28] But I don't think it should take up the tube slot.

[39:31] No, no, no.

[39:32] No, it's a different type of tube.

[39:33] Yeah, yeah.

[39:34] It's a long, thin tube.

[39:35] I would say like – yeah, I would still want to try to put a ZD.

[39:38] I'll accept a penne.

[39:40] You know, maybe we could be rigatoni if you want.

Stuart Wellington

[39:42] I would argue rigatoni over both of those.

Elliott Kalan

[39:43] But I would also love to put Orchietti on there if we're all –

[39:47] Wow.

[39:47] That was the one I thought was going to be controversial.

[39:48] Yeah.

[39:48] You know.

Stuart Wellington

[39:50] I think, yeah, we all kind of express an extreme love of Orchietti.

Dan McCoy

[39:54] Yeah.

[39:54] I think Orchietti is on there, and I'm happy with any of the tubes.

[39:58] Honestly, the tubes are interchangeable to me.

Elliott Kalan

[40:04] Just to keep – again, I feel like I'm the compromiser on this one.

[40:07] I'm the one who like keeps things from – keeps us from coming to blows.

[40:10] I'll be okay with rigatoni.

[40:12] I find it a little – it's a little floppy for me when it comes to tubes, but it still tastes good.

[40:16] It's a tube that tastes good.

[40:18] So what's –

Stuart Wellington

[40:19] Well, now that we're talking about tasteable tubes, what's number one?

[40:24] We have the three on the list.

[40:26] Yeah, so our list is in no particular order.

[40:28] I feel like Orchietti might take the top spot.

Elliott Kalan

[40:32] I think so.

[40:32] Yeah.

[40:33] If you had such a quick – I thought you guys were going to say no.

[40:35] It looks too much like an ear.

[40:37] I don't want to feel like I'm eating little ears.

[40:38] But I think we all had such a positive response to it.

[40:41] Let's put that at number one.

[40:42] Orchietti at number one.

[40:43] Then I'd say Bucatini at number two because I don't want rigatoni to be too high off the list.

[40:46] I don't want it to get a swelled head.

Stuart Wellington

[40:48] Yeah.

[40:48] Okay.

[40:49] Okay.

[40:49] That's fine.

[40:50] Okay.

[40:50] Yeah.

[40:50] We decided.

[40:51] That's our top three pasta shapes.

[40:53] We did it.

[40:54] Obviously, if we have any pasta chefs out there, write us a letter complaining.

[41:00] Okay.

[41:01] Next one is –

[41:01] Unless you agree.

Elliott Kalan

[41:02] Write us a letter saying right on.

[41:03] You got it right.

[41:04] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[41:04] Yeah.

[41:05] Celebrating us.

[41:06] Yeah.

[41:07] Next up is top three X-Men villains comics.

Dan McCoy

[41:13] Well –

[41:13] Not movies.

[41:14] Not movies.

[41:14] I mean, whether or not it's comics or movies, you got to put Magneto up at the top.

[41:19] Magneto's in there, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:20] I mean, I feel like it's hard not to just go Magneto Apocalypse, Mr. Sinister, you know?

[41:24] But I wonder if there's – but let's talk about it.

[41:26] Mr. Sinister I could maybe budge on.

Stuart Wellington

[41:28] I'm a Mr. Sinister diehard over here.

[41:31] All right.

[41:31] He's like a creepy freak and weird.

Dan McCoy

[41:34] That's like the one I am the least familiar with.

Elliott Kalan

[41:37] He is – so the problem with Mr. Sinister is that they never went with the original origin that Chris Claremont had for him.

[41:44] Because Mr. Sinister is so outwardly evil in every – he's so cartoonishly evil.

[41:50] He looks like a child's idea of what an evil guy would be.

[41:52] And that was the original – apparently that was the original origin was that he was going to be – that there was a kid who had the power to project this kind of like – his idea of like an adult villain out front.

[42:02] But instead he's become this like – he's a 150-year-old geneticist or whatever who is – as with all of the X-Men characters, they have all become real housewives at a certain point.

[42:15] But he's the one who's become the most real housewife of all of them.

[42:18] So I could see – but I mean – but I love Apocalypse on there.

Stuart Wellington

[42:21] I mean he does have style like a real housewife.

Elliott Kalan

[42:23] He does.

[42:25] Magneto, you got to put on there because he's the flip side of Xavier's dream.

Stuart Wellington

[42:29] Yeah, and I mean I'm shocked that Elliot hasn't mentioned his fucking legacy over here.

[42:35] Mr. Sauron.

Elliott Kalan

[42:37] Mr. Sauron.

[42:39] Here's the thing.

[42:39] I love – Sauron is a character I genuinely love.

[42:42] I think the reason I would fail to put him on is it really doesn't make sense that he's an X-Men villain.

Stuart Wellington

[42:47] For listeners out there, not only is a panel of a comic from Spider-Man and the X-Men that Elliot wrote gone far beyond this circle.

[42:58] Sauron is now a viral meme, right?

Elliott Kalan

[43:00] Well, that is my cultural legacy is that panel.

Stuart Wellington

[43:03] And that is – it's so memed that there's also a Magic the Gathering card of Sauron that has abilities based on that.

Elliott Kalan

[43:11] And the image on the card is based on that story also.

[43:14] Like their source material for that Sauron card is basically just my comic, like the one I wrote.

[43:20] So – but at the same time, does Sauron reach the heights of the great X-Men villains?

[43:26] Not necessarily.

[43:27] Like he's such a – there's nothing mutant really related about him, you know?

[43:31] He's not a mutant.

[43:33] He could just as easily go after the Avengers if he really wanted to.

Stuart Wellington

[43:36] Does he use mind control to get freaky with X-Babes?

Elliott Kalan

[43:40] Yes, which is – not to get freaky with X-Babes, but he does use mind control, which is an X-Men thing.

[43:45] It's pretty gross, yeah.

[43:46] Because that is – I mean Chris Claremont was all about mind control, submission and dominance, you know?

[43:50] And his fingerprints are still very heavy on the X-Men franchise.

[43:54] Are they – yeah, I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[43:55] Do the Sentinels count as like a unit as – yeah, we could – as villains.

Elliott Kalan

[44:00] I would say yeah.

[44:02] Because there you have – so then here's the thing I think you need in these X-Men villains.

[44:05] They have to be thematically related to the X-Men core.

[44:09] What is the X-Men about?

[44:11] They're the next step in evolution.

[44:12] They're feared and hated by the world.

[44:14] Yeah, and it's all about being an outsider and being oppressed and being hated for just who you are.

[44:22] Magneto is very much about that and is – became more so as the character developed over time.

[44:30] Apocalypse is the version of the X-Men characters where he's like, yeah, we are the best.

[44:34] We are the best and my whole being is just about pushing humanity so that only the strongest survive and only the best of everything are there.

[44:43] And he's got a – he should not work.

[44:45] He's like got a clown face.

[44:46] He's like a big purple guy.

[44:48] His belt buckle has an A on it, which is – it's all goofy as I get out.

[44:51] It's pretty cool.

[44:51] But he's so cool.

[44:52] He's just so cool.

[44:53] He can change shape and do whatever – basically, Apocalypse powers are to do basically whatever he wants.

[44:57] Yeah.

[44:58] He's a godlike being in some ways.

[45:00] And he works for the Celestials in some way that has never really been fully explained.

[45:04] I think the Sentinels work is –

Stuart Wellington

[45:06] You're going to say Strife, I know, aren't you?

Elliott Kalan

[45:09] Here's – okay.

[45:10] Let me defend Strife.

[45:11] Let me make my case for Strife.

[45:12] Then I'm on top of the Sentinels.

[45:14] Strife is such – he is so great once you lean into the fact that he is so melodramatically over the top with everything.

[45:24] He's like – he's a clone of Cable.

[45:26] He's got – his armor is covered with spikes.

[45:29] It looks like it would be painful to wear.

[45:30] And when he talks, he's never like, now I'll get my revenge.

[45:33] He's like, ooh, mommy and daddy, the cursed child has returned.

[45:38] You know, like it's always – I reread The Executioner Song a while back.

[45:42] I've read the book, The Executioner Song by Norman Mailer.

[45:44] That's not what I'm talking about.

[45:45] The crossover that is a very Strife-centered crossover that came out in the 90s when I was like –

[45:50] Did Norman Mailer write that arc?

[45:51] Yes, Norman Mailer was the guy who plotted out that arc.

[45:54] And Strife in it is so hilariously over the top in everything he says.

[45:59] He's a great character.

[45:59] I really love him when he's done that way.

[46:02] If Fabian Nasiezo is writing a Strife comic, sign me up.

[46:06] But I think the Sentinels are the third point in that diamond where Magneto is the mutant who thinks to save mutants, you've got to do the opposite of what Professor X wants.

[46:15] Apocalypse is the mutant who wants to crush humanity because humanity does not deserve to exist if mutants exist.

[46:21] And the Sentinels are the human response when humans overreact.

[46:25] They're the – I would say living, but they're mechanical.

[46:27] They're the physical embodiment of hate and fear and oppression in this robotic form.

[46:33] And they only exist in order to go after mutants.

[46:37] So yeah, Dan, I think the Sentinels are a real solid one.

[46:39] That would be my – my picks would be Magneto, Apocalypse, Sentinels.

Stuart Wellington

[46:42] I mean you have made such a strong case, Elliot, but it still – it breaks my heart to lose the style points guys like Mr. Sinister or the weird demon guys like Sim and what –

Elliott Kalan

[46:54] And Nastra and all that.

[46:55] I'm also fond of –

[46:56] Madeline Pryor and her – I mean Madeline Pryor was a mistreated character.

[47:00] Obviously the Goblin Queen, baby.

Dan McCoy

[47:01] I'm fond of the Brotherhood of the Evil Mutants, but I can't single one out.

[47:05] The Blob.

[47:06] The Blob.

[47:07] It is incredible.

[47:08] They're a collective.

Elliott Kalan

[47:09] It is incredible.

[47:10] It's like Jack Kirby was such an idea machine, but it's like, okay, we've got these characters, the X-Men.

[47:15] They've all got amazing powers.

[47:16] Number one, Magneto controls magnetism.

[47:18] I love it.

[47:19] That's great.

[47:20] Number two, issue two, the Vanisher.

[47:22] He can teleport.

[47:23] Okay, that's all right.

[47:24] I mean it's not – it's a cool power.

[47:26] There's not a lot you can do with it.

[47:27] Number three, the Blob.

[47:28] What's his power?

[47:29] Big fat guy.

[47:30] Can't budge him.

[47:31] That's the third villain they're going to go up against.

[47:34] Number three.

[47:35] He's hard to interview.

[47:36] That's the third one.

[47:37] And then who are they going to go after after that?

[47:40] Then it's that Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

[47:41] They're going to team up.

[47:42] All their greatest villains are going to team up.

[47:44] Okay, they've had three issues so far.

[47:46] So the greatest villains – I mean they introduced Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch that way who are enduring actors.

[47:52] Okay, we did that.

[47:52] Who's up next?

[47:53] Well, we got to do Unus the Untouchable.

[47:55] What does he do?

[47:55] He's got a force field.

[47:56] Can't budge him.

[47:57] Wasn't the Blobs thing that you couldn't budge him?

[48:00] Yeah, well, you can't budge this guy either.

[48:02] And then there's an issue not long after that where the Blob and Unus team up and it's like, come on, guys.

[48:07] Like, what is –

Stuart Wellington

[48:08] But anyway.

[48:09] One wonders, like, Jack Kirby, are you just annoyed at people being slow on the subway?

Elliott Kalan

[48:15] There are the great – and of course there are the great X-Men villains.

[48:18] You got the Juggernaut.

[48:19] You got Selene.

[48:20] The Hellfire Club.

[48:21] The Hellfire Club.

[48:22] Yeah, you got all them.

[48:23] You got Cameron Hodge.

[48:25] Cameron Hodge I've never loved, but, you know.

Dan McCoy

[48:29] Yeah, and I'll go with Ellie.

[48:30] Ellie's the expert on this as far as I'm concerned.

Elliott Kalan

[48:32] I mean, there's a – you could put Black Tom and the Juggernaut together as the first kind of openly gay couple in comics.

[48:38] But I think you got to go with – but at this point, all the X-Men characters are essentially gay in some way, which is fine.

Stuart Wellington

[48:44] But I think –

[48:44] What about – you didn't say Nimrod.

Elliott Kalan

[48:47] Don't love Nimrod, the Sentinel from the future.

[48:48] What about Nanny and Orphan Maker?

[48:51] Love Nanny and Orphan Maker.

[48:52] I love them.

[48:53] They're great.

[48:53] Yeah, they're – I mean, the thing is also a lot of these characters have become –

[48:56] What about Adversary?

[48:57] Quasi-allies.

[48:58] Adversary is a little bit vague, a little vague as a character, just kind of an evil demonic force, you know.

[49:04] Vaguely, problematically indigenous, but not based on anything real, you know.

[49:09] All the other ones I keep –

[49:11] Sabertooth is in there, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[49:12] Pierce, but he's a Hellfire Club guy.

[49:14] He's a Hellfire Club guy.

[49:16] Jason, what's his name, who's the mind control guy?

[49:19] Mastermind.

[49:20] Mastermind, yeah.

[49:21] But he's kind of Hellfire Club.

[49:22] He's also in the Hellfire Club at a certain point.

[49:24] And he's in the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

[49:26] Okay, well, I think we agreed to it.

[49:29] Okay.

[49:30] Took us long enough, I guess.

S5

[49:32] I mean, more because we were having fun with it.

Stuart Wellington

[49:33] Okay, swimming strokes.

[49:35] Top three swimming strokes.

[49:37] Crawl.

[49:38] Got to have the crawl on there.

[49:39] The crawl.

[49:39] Classic.

[49:40] The breaststroke.

[49:41] The breaststroke.

[49:41] And the backstroke.

Dan McCoy

[49:43] The – what is it called?

[49:46] The butterfly can get the fuck out of here.

[49:48] Wow.

[49:48] Don't want it.

Elliott Kalan

[49:49] Don't want it.

[49:49] Yeah.

[49:49] I actually kind of like the butterfly, but I don't think it's top three.

Dan McCoy

[49:51] It looks – all right.

[49:53] Here's what depends on what – depends on what we're talking about.

[49:55] It looks cool.

[49:56] It does.

[49:56] It looks –

[49:57] But you don't want to do it.

[49:58] People who are good at it, they look amazing in the water.

[50:01] Well, it's like –

[50:01] They look like dolphins.

[50:03] But –

Elliott Kalan

[50:03] It's like in baseball pitching.

[50:04] There's like the Seinwinder pitches where they kind of throw it almost underhand to the

[50:07] side.

[50:08] Yeah.

[50:08] It looks super cool when it works, but it doesn't work most of the time.

[50:11] And every time Sammy tries to do that when we're playing catch, it annoys the shit out

[50:14] of me.

Dan McCoy

[50:14] As a kid who was on swim team and had to learn all the strokes, butterfly is a pain in the

[50:22] ass to do.

Elliott Kalan

[50:24] I think I'm going to go with Dan's ranking.

[50:26] I think that's fine.

[50:26] If Stuart's okay with it.

Stuart Wellington

[50:28] Yeah, I'll go with it.

[50:29] I mean, specifically for having to do, but butterfly is pretty cool.

[50:34] It looks pretty cool.

Dan McCoy

[50:35] Fully knowing the jokes to follow, I was a breaststroke man.

[50:40] That was –

[50:41] There's nothing you can joke about with that.

[50:44] No.

[50:44] Just a solid –

[50:45] It's not like if Dan was like, yeah, I was a wife's butt stroke guy.

[50:50] But to me, that's like the most natural feeling.

[50:53] Like you're like swimming like a little frog in the water.

[50:55] I agree.

Elliott Kalan

[50:56] When I swim, I use the breaststroke.

[50:58] Yeah.

[50:59] So –

Stuart Wellington

[51:00] Because who wouldn't want to be a little frog?

[51:01] We all –

[51:02] We all want to be.

[51:03] I think deep down, we all – I think Freud talked about that.

Elliott Kalan

[51:07] No, Sigmund Frog actually talked about it.

[51:09] Sigmund Frog, yeah.

[51:10] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[51:13] Oh, Sigmund Frog.

[51:15] Yeah.

[51:15] I feel like that's a character who's going to show up in the Battletoads movie someday.

[51:20] Okay.

[51:21] So, top three books read for a high school English class.

[51:25] Hmm.

Dan McCoy

[51:26] For high school English class.

Elliott Kalan

[51:29] I mean, is it books that we liked at the time or that we look back on?

Stuart Wellington

[51:33] We're planning a curriculum.

[51:34] We got to pick three books.

Elliott Kalan

[51:35] Because I'm a big fan of The Great Gatsby.

[51:37] I read it in high school and I didn't quite get it.

[51:39] Yeah, that's a banger.

[51:39] But then I read it as an adult and I'm like, this is an amazing book.

[51:42] This is a fantastic book.

Dan McCoy

[51:43] Yeah.

[51:43] That's probably number one with a bullet for me.

[51:46] Yeah.

[51:47] Hard to – I just have such a bad memory of like what these things were.

[51:52] Like I just –

Stuart Wellington

[51:53] What are you going to do?

[51:54] Like do one of the Shakespeare's?

[51:57] Throw a Shakespeare in there?

Elliott Kalan

[51:59] You could show a Thrakespear in there.

[52:01] You could throw a Shakespeare in there.

[52:03] I think for high – you know what?

[52:05] I'm going to put Midsummer Night's Dream on there.

[52:08] I think that's a really good introductory Shakespeare.

[52:11] Okay.

[52:11] In high school, we read King Lear.

[52:15] We read Macbeth.

[52:15] We read Romeo and Juliet.

[52:17] But I think they're always like, Romeo and Juliet, that's about teens.

[52:21] You should read that one.

[52:22] And I'm like, this is not giving teens great ideas.

[52:26] But I'd love to get – let's see.

[52:29] We read Native Son in high school.

[52:31] Native Son, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[52:31] And I thought that was really great.

[52:33] Um –

[52:34] Ugh.

[52:37] No, I'm just like – I'm like, what were like the ones that –

[52:40] The problem is like –

[52:42] Like I was never a Lord of the Flies guy and that was like –

[52:44] Oh, I love Lord of the Flies.

[52:45] That's a classic.

Elliott Kalan

[52:46] But that's a middle school book.

[52:47] That's not a high school book.

[52:48] That's a middle school book.

[52:49] I mean adults can read it too.

Stuart Wellington

[52:50] But I feel like that's a good middle school book.

[52:51] Yeah, what about like Portrait of the Artist or something?

[52:53] I never read it.

[52:54] Wow.

[52:55] I wasn't in that class.

Elliott Kalan

[52:56] I've read Very Little Joyce.

[52:58] Oh, okay.

[52:59] Well, we'll talk about that another time.

[53:00] Okay.

[53:01] I've read a lot of Flann O'Brien, a different marriage author.

[53:03] What about like some Virginia Woolf?

[53:06] I mean Orlando would be a great one to put in there.

[53:09] I love the book Orlando.

Dan McCoy

[53:09] You would appreciate the weirdness of this.

[53:11] I remember in high school I read McTeague.

[53:14] McTeague's a good book.

[53:15] No, it's a great book.

[53:16] I had a great time.

[53:17] But like looking back, I'm like, wow, they had us read McTeague.

Elliott Kalan

[53:21] That's a weird book for – that is a weird book for them to have you read.

[53:24] Like I mean it's a great book.

Dan McCoy

[53:27] Well, it was the basis of the movie Greed is probably its lasting legacy.

Elliott Kalan

[53:32] Yeah, it's mostly known as the basis of Greed, again, which means – but it's by Frank Norris.

[53:36] And it is – he was in the kind of Jack London world.

[53:40] But McTeague is all about a guy who is – he's like an unlicensed dentist in kind of turn of the century San Francisco.

[53:47] And he and his wife win the lottery and the ownership of the money that they get, they get it, but they never want to spend it.

[53:54] And the ownership of it essentially drives them mad.

[53:57] And he ends up dying in Death Valley.

[53:59] Spoiler alert.

[54:00] But McTeague's – aside from the anti-Semitic parts, McTeague is a really great book.

[54:04] His book, The Octopus, Dan, if you like McTeague, I'd also recommend The Octopus.

[54:07] The first part of his trilogy of the wheat, which went unfinished.

[54:11] But The Octopus is really good about farmers rising up against the railroad barons when they reset the rates for wheat.

[54:19] I always thought there would be a really – there's a good miniseries to be done in The Octopus.

Stuart Wellington

[54:22] What about some Jane Eyre?

Elliott Kalan

[54:25] Jane Eyre is really great.

[54:27] I could go on there too.

Stuart Wellington

[54:27] What about Catch-22?

Elliott Kalan

[54:31] Catch-22 is great.

[54:32] I could go on there too.

Dan McCoy

[54:33] I mean, like these are great books.

[54:35] I just don't – I did not – these were not ones that were –

[54:38] I took a different AP English class.

[54:40] Yeah, I guess so.

Elliott Kalan

[54:41] I mean, if we're limiting it to the –

[54:43] We didn't read that in class.

[54:45] If we're limiting it to books that we read in class, then I would put Great Gatsby on there.

[54:51] I'd put Jane Eyre on there.

[54:53] Okay.

[54:55] What else would I put on there?

Dan McCoy

[54:56] Well, you already said Midsummer Night's Dream.

Elliott Kalan

[55:00] Midsummer Night's Dream, but I'm wondering if I want that on there actually.

Dan McCoy

[55:04] I mean, I didn't read it in high school, but I love the books.

[55:07] I'm happy with Jane Eyre being one of them.

[55:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[55:09] We read that in high school, and I didn't like it as much as I like it now.

[55:12] That's probably because I was like a teenage boy, and I was like, wah, wah, wah.

[55:16] I don't like Sinjin.

[55:17] I don't care about this.

[55:19] Get back to Rochester and his wife.

Stuart Wellington

[55:23] She did what?

[55:24] Yeah.

[55:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[55:29] I'm looking at all these lists, and none of them are – they're all things that I'm like, were these high school books?

[55:37] I remember –

[55:37] Slaughterhouse-Five.

[55:38] Being like middle school books, or they're like – not for me.

Elliott Kalan

[55:43] Yeah, like Slaughterhouse-Five is a high school book.

Stuart Wellington

[55:46] I mean, I feel like Native Son was solid.

[55:50] Yes.

[55:51] I remember liking a lot in high school.

Elliott Kalan

[55:52] I put Native Son on there.

[55:53] I think that's a good one.

[55:55] Okay.

[55:56] You do – and it has to be the unedited one where he and his friends masturbate in the movie theater.

[55:59] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:01] Okay.

[56:02] Put that – Stuart, note that down.

[56:04] Note that down, yeah.

[56:05] Not the edited one.

[56:06] For the official –

[56:07] They don't do that, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[56:09] Okay.

[56:09] So, we decided on that.

[56:10] Okay.

[56:11] Next is bagel order.

[56:15] Top three bagel orders.

[56:16] Bagel orders?

[56:17] Like orders.

[56:18] I may have to –

[56:19] Or maybe type of bagel.

Elliott Kalan

[56:20] Because I don't like having a lot of stuff on my bagel.

[56:23] I want to eat the bagel.

[56:24] What type of bagel do you like?

[56:27] What's the number one bagel?

[56:29] I mean, if I'm ordering a bagel, usually I'm just getting a plain bagel.

[56:31] I just want that platonic ideal of bagel, you know.

[56:33] Wow.

[56:34] And I just take bites out of it.

[56:35] I go the opposite direction on give me an everything, baby.

[56:37] I like it all.

[56:39] I would pick everything over plain.

[56:41] Yes, Stuart.

[56:41] Shame the bagel order of the only Jew on the podcast.

[56:44] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[56:46] I mean, I had a rabbi at my wedding.

[56:50] You did.

[56:52] You had a questionably licensed rabbi at your wedding.

Elliott Kalan

[56:55] He had a badge.

[56:57] He did have a badge that said rabbi on it.

Stuart Wellington

[56:59] This is not a joke.

[57:00] They just said Jewish.

[57:05] What are we talking about?

[57:06] I also do like that.

[57:07] If I said like blueberry, then yes, I would be in no place to talk about.

[57:11] I don't want that.

[57:12] What about like a pump?

Dan McCoy

[57:14] Look, if I'm not – what about a sesame?

[57:16] If I'm not getting in everything, I'm going to get a sesame or maybe an onion.

Elliott Kalan

[57:20] The other thing is I'll eat an onion bagel.

[57:22] I'll eat a sesame bagel.

[57:23] I'll eat a poppy seed bagel.

[57:24] I will have lox on there.

[57:26] Why not?

[57:26] I'll put salami on there.

[57:28] Why not?

[57:29] You know, but if it's in the morning and I'm good at getting a bagel, I'm like, give me a plain bagel and I'm just going to take bites out of it.

Stuart Wellington

[57:34] You just want a carb explosion.

[57:37] Exactly.

[57:37] You want nothing else.

[57:38] I want nothing but carbs.

[57:40] Yeah.

[57:41] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[57:41] You just want the unmolested bread is what you're –

[57:45] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[57:46] Because like –

[57:47] Not even cut?

[57:49] You could cut it, but I'm just going to eat it as if it wasn't, you know.

Dan McCoy

[57:52] Yeah.

[57:52] We call it circumcised.

[57:55] If I'm having cream cheese, I would –

[57:57] I like it better with lox.

[57:59] Would this be counted as shool?

Stuart Wellington

[58:02] No, I don't –

[58:03] Lox is – yes, I agree with you on that.

[58:05] I mean we are recording this –

[58:06] No tomato, please.

Elliott Kalan

[58:07] We are recording this on the – right before the High Holy Days.

[58:10] Rosh Hashanah starts tonight as of this recording.

[58:13] I'm really dating this recording by saying exactly what day it's on.

Stuart Wellington

[58:18] I hope nobody decides to go back in time and kill us on this day.

Elliott Kalan

[58:22] No, they'll know exactly where we were.

[58:26] I will say that –

Stuart Wellington

[58:27] We're doing this for legal reasons in case we get caught in some kind of weird shenanigans.

[58:32] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[58:32] But officer, I can prove that I was there.

[58:35] You can hear me reading that day's newspaper.

[58:38] I think I'll be more tolerant of other bagel stuff.

[58:41] So whatever you guys want, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[58:47] Wow.

[58:47] I mean now that Ellie doesn't care.

Elliott Kalan

[58:49] I'm just trying to get written into the book of life this year, guys.

[58:51] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[58:52] So what are we saying?

[58:54] Our number one bagel order is everything bagel with cream cheese and lox.

[58:57] That's number one.

[58:58] With capers and onions.

[59:01] Maybe I can't stand by this.

[59:03] That's the number one.

Dan McCoy

[59:04] Number two.

[59:05] We're putting plain bagel, nothing done to it.

Stuart Wellington

[59:08] All right.

[59:09] At least it's on the list.

[59:10] Raw dog, plain bagel.

[59:11] That first bagel has too much stuff going on.

[59:12] And then third one is what?

[59:14] Bacon, egg, and cheese on a blueberry bagel.

[59:17] No.

Elliott Kalan

[59:18] No, not at all.

[59:19] Why did I abdicate this responsibility?

Dan McCoy

[59:21] I just like some butter on a bagel, man.

[59:23] Sometimes.

[59:25] Just a plain bagel with butter?

[59:27] I think sesame is good with butter.

[59:30] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[59:31] Okay.

[59:31] That's our top three.

[59:32] All right.

[59:33] I can't really stand by it, but let's keep moving on.

[59:35] Yes.

[59:36] Okay.

[59:36] I'm just trying to be a peacemaker here.

[59:38] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:38] We are grinding our way through these.

[59:40] We only have a few left.

[59:42] Favorite boats.

[59:43] Top three boats.

[59:44] Favorite boats.

Elliott Kalan

[59:44] Now, are these specific boats by name or types of boats?

Dan McCoy

[59:48] These are types of boats.

[59:49] No greater expert than us when it comes to boats, boating, things, nauticals.

Elliott Kalan

[59:55] Best boats, dude.

[59:56] You got to put number one's got to be pirate ship, right?

[59:58] Oh, yeah.

[59:59] I think you're right.

[59:59] Three masted pirate ship.

[1:00:00] That's got to be number one.

[1:00:00] Now, where's the Snoop John B. figure in?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:03] Is that one of them?

[1:00:04] Is that a pirate ship?

[1:00:05] I mean, they want to go home.

[1:00:05] They don't want to be on anymore.

[1:00:07] It is the worst ship they've ever been on, so probably not.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:09] Probably not, yeah.

[1:00:10] What about like a cigarette boat?

[1:00:13] A cigarette boat.

[1:00:14] What about gondola?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:16] Where does gondola fit?

[1:00:16] Gondola?

[1:00:17] I would probably put number two, even.

[1:00:19] Gondola.

[1:00:19] Okay, because there's a dude singing shit.

[1:00:22] He's singing.

[1:00:22] You're in Venice.

[1:00:23] How could it get better?

[1:00:25] Come on.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:25] Now, I like the shape of a swan boat, but I don't like all the pedaling I have to do.

[1:00:28] Yeah, you don't want to have to do the worst.

[1:00:29] You're lazy, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:31] So, number one, pirate ship galleon.

[1:00:33] Number two, gondola.

[1:00:35] Okay, yeah.

[1:00:35] Number three, I mean, like a canoe or a kayak.

[1:00:37] I know that's work, too, but it's-

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:38] Yeah, self-propelled, though.

[1:00:40] I don't know.

[1:00:40] Dan's putting a firm anti-self-propelled stuff.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:43] I find kayaking a lot easier than using a pedal for those things.

[1:00:47] True.

[1:00:47] You do have a lot of that upper body.

[1:00:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:50] And your lower body is weak and frail.

[1:00:53] Despite swans-

[1:00:54] He's like Johnny Bravo.

[1:00:55] He's like-

[1:00:56] Actually, Danny Bravo.

[1:00:58] Danny Bravo, yeah, because he watches a lot of Bravo.

[1:01:01] Yeah.

[1:01:01] Dandy Cohen is what I call him because he puts so much prob.

[1:01:05] And you want to watch what happens live with Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:08] The issue is that despite swans being well-shaped for swimming, swan boats are not well-shaped for swimming.

[1:01:14] No, because they're not really-

[1:01:16] The important part of the swan-

[1:01:17] Kayak slides through the water.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:18] Yeah.

[1:01:19] What's the park?

[1:01:20] Isn't there like a famous pond in LA where they have the swan boats?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:24] In Echo Lake Park.

[1:01:25] Echo Lake.

[1:01:26] Echo Park Lake.

[1:01:27] Echo Park Lake.

[1:01:28] Yeah.

[1:01:28] Ooh.

[1:01:29] There's also like the duck boat in Boston, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:32] But-

[1:01:33] But we still haven't picked a third.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:34] But in Echo Park is where we go when we do paddle boats.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:36] Do we want to say kayak is our third?

[1:01:38] I'm a kayak fan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:39] I don't know because there's also like-

[1:01:40] What about like-

[1:01:42] An aircraft carrier.

[1:01:43] What about like a paddle boat?

[1:01:44] Like a Mark Twain style paddle boat?

[1:01:46] Oh.

[1:01:46] You know.

[1:01:47] Like steaming down the Mississippi.

[1:01:48] Or like a fucking casino.

[1:01:49] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:50] There's a casino on board.

[1:01:51] Those are pretty good.

[1:01:52] Maybe some kind of old-timey vampire lives there.

[1:01:54] Maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:55] And there's like ladies doing can-can type dances.

[1:01:58] Maverick shows up.

[1:01:59] You know.

[1:01:59] Yeah.

[1:01:59] A fan boat.

[1:02:00] You know Maverick is there.

[1:02:01] If a fan boat's around.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:02] Fan boat is cool.

[1:02:03] You know like-

[1:02:04] Fan boat's pretty good.

[1:02:04] You're going to get the high-speed chase.

[1:02:05] Something's going down.

[1:02:06] You might get eaten by an alligator.

[1:02:07] Something's going down.

[1:02:08] Or like a sweaty noir where like something sexy is happening.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:12] Nothing good has ever happened to anyone on a fan boat.

[1:02:14] No, it's true.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:16] Well, I went on a fun swamp tour.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:19] I do like the idea of pirate ship gondola fan boat.

[1:02:25] What a wild collection of options.

[1:02:29] That's a spread.

[1:02:30] I think let's go with it.

[1:02:31] It's like when you see two dogs next to each other.

[1:02:35] A Chihuahua and a Great Bernard.

[1:02:36] You're like-

[1:02:37] Yeah, you're like those are the same animal.

[1:02:39] It's the same animal.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:40] Yeah.

[1:02:41] I'm going to give an honorable mention to Paddleboat Steamer.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:43] Okay, sure.

[1:02:44] Yeah.

[1:02:44] Okay.

[1:02:45] And then finally, top three colors.

[1:02:47] This is the last one.

[1:02:49] Top three colors.

[1:02:50] Blue.

[1:02:50] I'm going green.

[1:02:52] I'm going green, baby.

[1:02:54] Color from money.

[1:02:55] Green's great.

[1:02:55] Blue's got to be on there.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:57] I will back you on green, Stuart.

[1:02:58] And even though like it's a cliche, I think blue, you got to go with blue.

[1:03:03] Okay.

[1:03:03] It's a classic color.

[1:03:04] Are we going to push-

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:05] I mean, that's kind of a-

[1:03:05] It's a victory for blue both ways because you need blue to make green.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:09] Yeah.

[1:03:10] Now we need a warm color.

[1:03:11] Yeah.

[1:03:12] What's our-

[1:03:12] I know blue is the warmest color.

[1:03:14] Only in certain circumstances.

[1:03:15] I'm going to push.

[1:03:16] I'm pushing for pink.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:16] Only when it's Léa Seydoux's hair.

[1:03:18] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:19] I'm pushing for pink, guys.

[1:03:20] Pink's a great color.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:21] Pink's a great-

[1:03:22] Well, that's the thing.

[1:03:22] I do like pink.

[1:03:23] Like a bright color.

[1:03:24] Pink is a great one.

[1:03:25] I often think pink.

[1:03:26] I think it would either have to be pink or black.

[1:03:28] Black is also a great color.

[1:03:29] That's pretty cool.

[1:03:29] But some people would tell you that it's not a color.

[1:03:32] They're wrong.

[1:03:33] No, they're wrong.

[1:03:33] Yeah.

[1:03:35] I'm pushing for pink.

[1:03:36] I'd go with pink.

[1:03:38] Pink and black are the two most punk colors.

[1:03:40] So I'll go with pink.

[1:03:40] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:41] Okay.

[1:03:41] We decided.

[1:03:42] We cleared the whole docket, guys.

[1:03:45] And this-

[1:03:46] You can't say that.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:46] You can't say that.

[1:03:47] John Hodgson's coming after us.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:49] Oh, no.

[1:03:49] Well, we cleared the whole-

[1:03:51] Quick jump in the fan boat.

[1:03:52] Mail bag.

[1:03:54] So this will, and this document now is going to be, live on forever as our rankings of all

[1:04:00] those things.

[1:04:01] This is canon except for the bagels one.

[1:04:03] And will also potentially serve as an alibi for us in those situations.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:07] And if you have any problem with these rankings, you can write it on a little piece of paper.

[1:04:11] You can take that paper out to the backyard or any park next to you.

[1:04:14] You can dig a hole and bury those complaints.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:16] You and Dan, you were so much nicer than I was going to be.

[1:04:19] I was going to be like, you could write it down on a piece of paper and then you could just

[1:04:21] shove it up your butt.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:23] Okay, we already have-

[1:04:24] Those are the top two responses-

[1:04:26] Two of the top three responses for ways to say fuck off.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:32] Anyway, this is a good time for us to say, please leave a five-star review on the podcast

[1:04:36] app of your choice.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:38] We love you even though we're sometimes combative.

[1:04:42] But see how we are with each other.

[1:04:44] We're always combative.

[1:04:44] It makes you feel like you're part of the gang.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:46] So this has been a mini episode of the Flophouse Podcast.

[1:04:49] We are part of the MaxFun Network.

[1:04:51] There are plenty of other great shows.

[1:04:52] Just go over to MaximumFun.org and check them out.

[1:04:54] This show has been produced by Alex Smith, aka Howell Doughty.

[1:04:58] He does all kinds of great stuff online in addition to producing this lovely podcast that is your

[1:05:03] favorite podcast ever.

[1:05:04] He also does Twitch streams.

[1:05:06] He does music.

[1:05:07] He's the greatest.

[1:05:08] And then, you know what?

[1:05:11] I've been, I've just been Stuart Wellington.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:13] I've just been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:16] I think I'm almost ready to be Elliot Kalin, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:19] Okay.

[1:05:20] Well, on that note, bye.

[1:05:28] Maximum Fun.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:29] A worker-owned network.

[1:05:31] Of artists-owned shows.

[1:05:33] Supported.

[1:05:33] Directly.

[1:05:34] By you.

FH Mini 159 - Clearing the Floppet

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