Ep. #348 - Jiu Jitsu, with Jordan Morris

Elliott Kalan

[0:00] On this episode we discuss Jiu-Jitsu.

[0:03] The movie that's not so much a movie as a video catalog of demos of martial artists you can invite to your child's birthday party.

[0:13] It's called Slammio.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:44] Oh, hey there Dan McCoy. It's me, Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:48] And I'm Elliot Kalin, of course, but we've also got a fourth person with us today.

[0:53] What? Huh?

[0:54] Who is it?

[0:55] It's the Lord. Thank you very much for shining on us, for bringing us these blessings.

[1:00] For making all the great things in our lives possible.

[1:02] Also, we've got with us, friend of the podcast, fellow MaxFun host.

[1:07] That's right, the host of Jordan, Jesse Goh.

[1:09] This is the author of the new hit bubble graphic novel.

[1:13] That's right, Jordan Morris.

[1:15] Hi everybody. Praise Brax. Praise Brax.

[1:18] Praise Brax.

[1:18] That's a reference you'll understand later in the episode, listeners.

[1:22] That's right, dear listeners.

Jordan Morris

[1:23] That'll be funny upon a second listen.

[1:27] Jordan, thanks so much for joining us. How you doing?

[1:30] I'm doing good. Yeah, having a lot of fun.

[1:32] Is this, is this, would you call this what we're doing, Cagemas in July?

Dan McCoy

[1:37] This is, indeed, our official Cagemas in July episode.

[1:42] The thing that we do most years, if I don't forget.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47] Yeah, you're here for a very special Cagemas in July, partly because there's, it's a movie with, I guess, the USDA minimum required amount of Nicolas Cage to make it a Cagemas in July movie.

[1:58] This would not fly as a Cagemas movie.

[2:00] The Cagemas in July, yes.

[2:02] Are you excited to be here for this lesser Cagemas holiday?

Jordan Morris

[2:05] It is. It's a real thrill to be here on this lesser episode. Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[2:11] But you're raising it up to normal level.

Jordan Morris

[2:13] Oh, thank you. Yeah.

[2:14] Well, I was going to say the pressure's a little lower so I can just, you know, kind of be myself, which is nice.

[2:19] I don't have to feel like I have to be on, you know.

[2:22] Yeah.

[2:22] Yeah, no, this is a real thrill. I mean, I know Cagemas is a very, like, you know, sacred part of the Flophouse calendar.

[2:30] Cagemas in July, less so, but still very sacred in its own way.

Elliott Kalan

[2:33] It's secondary. It's not a high holy day, but it's like, it's an observed festival.

[2:38] Thank you.

[2:38] Yeah.

Jordan Morris

[2:38] And, you know, and it's just so nice to be here with three people who understand the reason for the season.

[2:45] It's like Cagemas has gotten so commercial, you know.

[2:49] Yep.

[2:50] Less commercially successful, honestly.

[2:52] So it's nice to be here just to celebrate.

[2:56] Yeah, that's very sweet. Well, thank you for joining us.

Dan McCoy

[2:59] Audrey was pointing out, though, like, Nick Cage appears to be...

[3:01] Audrey 2, the plant from Little Shop of Hearts.

[3:04] Yeah.

[3:06] My roommate, Audrey 2, the large plant.

[3:08] Yeah.

[3:09] No, she was saying that, like, it seemed that Nick Cage is on, like, a bit of an upswing.

[3:13] Maybe he has paid off his castles because, like, you know, the last few things he's been doing have been, like, more interesting.

[3:22] More, like, you know, they don't appear to be the same, like, direct-to-video, like, shot-in-Belgrade nonsense that he was doing for a while.

[3:34] So I was wondering, like, will the Cagemas well dry up in further years?

Stuart Wellington

[3:39] Yeah, maybe he sold off all the cursed trinkets he had been collecting.

Elliott Kalan

[3:44] I mean, this, we did, apparently we did, scientists did predict that somewhat we'd reach peak Cagemas, and then there would be lessening production levels of Cagemas from that point on.

[3:53] It's possible we've hit that point, and we're going to have to turn to alternative schlock production sources.

[3:58] John Cusack, very possible.

[4:00] We're looking at you, Liam Neeson.

[4:02] Yeah, Liam Neeson, oh boy, yeah, Liam Neeson is, he's on the edge of picking up that slack.

Jordan Morris

[4:06] Yeah, and then Bruce Willis is kind of hanging out by the red box.

[4:09] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:10] So, Bruce, I think it may, Bruce Willis is probably the best candidate to take over because he is so openly, like, pay this X amount of money, and I will be in your movie.

[4:20] Right.

[4:21] And I don't care what it is.

[4:22] And if I have to smile, it costs extra.

[4:25] And if I can just be bald and frowny, yeah, that's what I do now.

Dan McCoy

[4:29] Unlike Nicolas Cage, like, you can tell that that is Bruce Willis' attitude on screen.

[4:33] Sometimes you'll get that Cage, but many times you'll, like, Nick Cage will show up and do, like, a great job in A Piece of Schlock.

[4:41] Like, I actually thought that in this movie that we're talking about today, he seems committed to it.

Elliott Kalan

[4:45] Spoiler alert.

[4:46] I thought this was one of the more fun Nick Cage performances we've had on the podcast in a while.

[4:52] Yeah, and it's...

[4:53] It's a blast.

[4:53] It's a real blast.

Jordan Morris

[4:54] I mean, the movie is a mixed bag that I'm sure will...

[4:57] A mixed martial arts bag.

[4:58] A mixed martial arts bag, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:00] I keep getting ads for those in my Instagram feed.

[5:03] Yeah.

[5:04] Yeah, yeah.

[5:05] You order one, and suddenly they think that you need a ton of them.

[5:08] That's true.

[5:08] If Nicolas Cage had been the star of this movie, it would have been a super fun movie.

[5:13] He brings a lot of Cage energy to this one.

Jordan Morris

[5:17] If it was just Cage and Tony Jaa wandering the countryside hunting for Brax.

[5:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:24] See, one of my main problems with this movie was the idea that our wooden lead was the guy and not Tony Jaa.

[5:32] Yes.

[5:32] That we're supposed to believe that this guy was the one who could defeat the alien.

Elliott Kalan

[5:36] Well, let's talk about the movie, because we'll get to that.

[5:38] I think that's probably an issue we all had, that Tony Jaa, who is amazing, although I don't want this to be a Jackie Chan situation,

[5:44] where we spent a whole episode talking about how great he is, and then he turned out to be a guy that is not so great.

[5:48] Because we haven't been following his politics.

[5:51] You know who I love?

[5:55] Kevin Sorbo.

[5:56] I mean, I don't follow him on Twitter or anything, but Kevin Sorbo.

Dan McCoy

[6:00] Giving you the cut it off hand motion.

[6:01] What are you doing?

Elliott Kalan

[6:03] There's a reason there.

Dan McCoy

[6:04] James Woods is just one of our finest actors, and I want to endorse him.

[6:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:08] And let's not forget Emile Jannings.

[6:12] He was a Nazi collaborator.

[6:15] Anyway, so...

[6:16] Thanks.

[6:16] Thanks, yeah.

[6:17] So, we'll get to that.

[6:19] But there is a...

[6:20] Hangover, the whole movie is a sense of why this guy as the lead, and not, again, Tony Jaa.

[6:26] So, the movie starts out.

[6:27] It's a little disjointed.

[6:28] A comet is heading towards Earth.

[6:29] We don't have time for that.

[6:30] A guy who will later learn will be the lead hero is running from some CGI shurikens that are being thrown at him,

[6:37] and they chase him right off a cliff.

[6:39] And then you get the title and the credits for the movie.

[6:42] You know it's going to be a big-budget movie when the credit title sequence is made up of shots from the movie you're about to see.

[6:48] That's always a good sign that you're going to see a quality film.

Dan McCoy

[6:51] And I know there's...

[6:52] Well, and a lot of...

[6:52] Sorry.

[6:53] A lot of the stuff showing the comet coming to Earth is done in comic book style, which only makes sense because this was based on a comic book.

[7:01] Otherwise, as a silent feature, it doesn't really do anything.

Elliott Kalan

[7:06] Yeah, it's actually based on mouse.

[7:09] Oh, no kidding.

[7:10] Yeah, they took a lot of liberties.

Jordan Morris

[7:13] Right.

[7:13] Yeah, this is a very left-of-center Ghost World adaptation.

Elliott Kalan

[7:17] We need to reboot Ghost World.

[7:19] They're like, we've got the Love and Rockets license, but we want to do a kung fu movie.

[7:23] Yes, you know what?

[7:24] We'll be very loose with it.

[7:26] We'll be loose with it.

[7:27] We'll call it Stone Soup.

[7:29] But it'll mostly be jiu-jitsu stuff.

Jordan Morris

[7:32] It's...

[7:32] I know, you know, all of these kind of red boxy cage movies, you get the impression that maybe they're like money laundering operations, you know?

[7:43] It's like, what's the economics of these?

[7:46] Like, why are we flying Nicolas Cage to the Ukraine every, you know, five times a year to make these movies?

Elliott Kalan

[7:53] Considering, according to Wikipedia, this movie had a budget of $25 million and a box office take of slightly less than $100,000.

[8:00] Oh, dear.

[8:00] So that does lend credence to the money laundering hypothesis, which I'm going to call the Morris theorem.

[8:07] Thank you.

[8:07] Oh, hey, I have a theorem!

Jordan Morris

[8:09] Oh, I've always wanted a theorem.

[8:11] Yeah.

[8:11] But the two of the production company titles kind of suggest this.

[8:15] Two of the production companies behind this are Ladero Investments.

[8:19] Yes, that was...

Elliott Kalan

[8:20] It's rare that you see a production company logo for an investment firm.

[8:23] Right, yeah.

Jordan Morris

[8:23] And then Double Tree Entertainment, The Commuter Hotel.

[8:28] Yep.

[8:29] That gives you a warm cookie?

[8:30] You gotta have some.

Elliott Kalan

[8:31] Yeah, I guess breakfast is covered.

[8:35] So, the movie starts.

[8:37] As Dan mentioned, we get these comic book panel transitions, which it's much like the original idea behind the Warriors was to have that kind of stuff.

[8:46] Or in Ang Lee is Hulk, there's some kind of stuff like that.

[8:49] Right.

[8:49] It never really works, and it doesn't really work here.

[8:52] We get to the first section.

Stuart Wellington

[8:53] Especially now, since like, I don't know, like 70% of all pop culture is based on graphic novels.

[9:00] Yeah.

[9:00] And comics.

Dan McCoy

[9:01] Well, they're also like the cheapest looking drawings, too.

[9:03] It looks like...

Stuart Wellington

[9:04] I mean, hopefully even more, considering that our two co-hosts today are authors of graphic novels.

Elliott Kalan

[9:09] Yeah, hopefully the two big hit tentpole movies of 2023 will be Bubble and Maniac of New York, or perhaps Maniac of New York goes to Bubble.

[9:18] Oh, sure.

[9:18] Yeah.

[9:19] That's the crossover we've all been waiting for.

[9:21] If the Flintstones can meet the Jetsons, anything can happen.

[9:23] Anything's possible.

[9:24] Anything.

[9:25] So, these comic book transitions, Nicholas Cage is in a huge hat on a fishing boat, and he rescues this guy who fell off the cliff out of the water.

[9:33] Say goodbye to Nick Cage for a while, you're not going to see him for like an hour.

[9:37] The fisherman's wife takes him to a U.S. soldier base that's in this...

[9:41] They're in Burma.

[9:42] Who's my other favorite character, by the way?

[9:44] The fisherman's wife?

[9:45] The fisherman's wife.

[9:45] Yeah, she is pretty great.

[9:46] I mean, she's got a real lucky grandma energy in that she is an elderly Asian lady who takes no guff from anybody.

[9:54] The weird thing is she speaks with subtitles, and words will be highlighted with different...

[9:58] The subtitles are in the middle of the screen.

[10:00] Yes.

[10:01] They're in blocks.

[10:01] They're not on the bottom.

[10:02] And different words will be highlighted, and it's just a very comic book-y way to do subtitles.

[10:07] And I wish they'd done all the way and had word balloons just sticking out of her mouth with the words in it.

Dan McCoy

[10:12] Many of the words that are highlighted, too, seem to be highlighted at random.

[10:15] Like, sometimes it's for emphasis, and sometimes it's like, why would you put that as the important word of the sentence?

[10:20] Right.

[10:21] Yeah.

[10:22] Take him to bed.

Elliott Kalan

[10:24] All right.

[10:25] That's how she said it, I guess.

[10:26] Yeah.

[10:27] So, she tries to tell the soldiers, but the interpreter they have, played by...

[10:32] What's his name for him?

[10:32] My name is Earl.

[10:33] Yeah, the crab man character.

[10:35] I don't know his...

[10:36] Playing a character named Tex.

[10:38] Yeah.

[10:38] So, he's not a very good interpreter.

[10:41] She tells these soldiers, every six years, the comet passes overhead,

[10:44] and a hole opens in a temple, and the warrior of death comes through.

[10:49] And this is information that will be repeated to us multiple times throughout the movie,

[10:53] in case we are lost in the Byzantine twists and turns of the almost plotless film that we're about to watch.

Dan McCoy

[10:59] Yeah.

[10:59] It is a very simple plot, but at the same time, there's many things about it that confused me.

[11:06] You know, like, I guess...

[11:08] We'll get into it, but I guess Nick Cage is a survivor of a previous time, and I'm like, how?

[11:15] But...

[11:15] Well, he's clearly let himself go.

Elliott Kalan

[11:17] But anyway, okay, so...

[11:18] Well, he explains how...

[11:19] Okay, so there's this army intelligence lady.

[11:21] She's trying to question this mysterious guy.

[11:23] We later learn his name is Jake, so let's just call him Jake.

[11:26] How many Jakes do you guys know in real life?

Jordan Morris

[11:29] I feel like Jake is only a movie name.

[11:31] I mean, I do have a stepbrother named Jake.

Elliott Kalan

[11:33] Okay, well, there goes my theory.

[11:34] And there's Body by Jake, so that's two right there.

[11:36] Jake and the Fat Man, but I guess that's not a real person.

[11:39] Jake Gyllenhaal.

[11:40] I don't really know him, but I know of him.

Stuart Wellington

[11:42] There's a fellow with a snake.

Elliott Kalan

[11:45] Yeah, you're thinking of Jake Aconda.

[11:49] Dwayne the Jake Johnson.

[11:53] But he goes, I have to call myself Dwayne Johnson in the movies because the WWE owns the copyright to Jake.

Jordan Morris

[11:59] All right, well, that is not a new addition to the Morris Theorem.

[12:01] I guess Jake's exist in the real world.

Elliott Kalan

[12:03] Yeah, the Jake corollary has been disproven, yeah.

[12:07] So this lady is like, hey, you're going to tell me everything you know about this.

[12:11] And we found this electronic thingy on you.

[12:13] And he goes, I don't know what that is.

[12:14] We never find out what it is.

[12:15] It doesn't matter.

Stuart Wellington

[12:17] But she shows it to him, and he's like, yeah, this is mine.

Dan McCoy

[12:21] But otherwise...

[12:21] He's also immediately super aggressive.

[12:23] I mean, I know that he's on the secret military base, but she's immediately super suspicious and aggressive towards him.

[12:30] And he's just like a guy who was found unconscious, who was dropped off there.

Elliott Kalan

[12:35] He was brought to them.

[12:36] It's not like he snuck in.

[12:38] They're very suspicious of his rub-on tattoo.

Jordan Morris

[12:41] For some reason, they see this very basic-looking tattoo he has of, like, a skull and a snake.

[12:47] Looks like something he got out of a vending machine.

[12:49] It's some of the worst makeup ever.

[12:52] And that, for some reason, that makes her suspicious.

[12:54] Like, we've got to find out about this tattoo.

[12:56] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:56] Yeah, her commanding officer's like, did you even ask him about the tattoo?

[13:00] She's like, I'm getting to it, okay?

[13:01] Chill out.

Elliott Kalan

[13:02] I've got to build a rapport before we can start talking about tattoos.

[13:05] You can't just immediately ask about someone's tattoo.

[13:07] People don't get tattoos to draw attention so that other people will ask them about them.

[13:12] She doesn't understand tattoos is what I'm saying.

[13:13] So what we'll later find out is there's uranium in the area, and that's why there's a top-secret U.S. military mission to hang out and just kind of make sure the uranium stays in the ground.

[13:23] Make sure no tattooed people get near it.

[13:25] Yeah.

[13:26] Oh, yes, there's plutonium.

[13:27] It's plutonium.

[13:27] Anyway, he's got no memory, but somehow he has incredible fighting skills.

[13:31] And the first of a number of jujitsu demo scenes, he just beats up a bunch of soldiers.

[13:38] And it made me realize, and there's a scene later on that made me realize more, there's a lot of action movies where the hero has to beat up U.S. soldiers, which seems weird because you'd think the audience for a lot of these action movies is a pro-U.S. soldier audience.

[13:50] But it's like how in XXX, The Return of Xander Cage, another cage, unrelated, there's a part where he just pushes a whole bunch of soldiers out of a cargo plane.

[14:00] And it's like, there's our hero, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[14:04] I would imagine that, yes, it's a very support our troops crowd, but also a bunch of people who are into sort of like a DTCB action movie are also like rugged individualist types.

[14:18] Or like, you know, the government's not going to push me around.

Stuart Wellington

[14:21] If our soldiers can't beat up this tattooed fellow, they deserve what they get.

Elliott Kalan

[14:25] Yeah.

[14:25] Yeah, they should come home either with a tattooed fellow dead or on their shields.

[14:29] It's like they don't carry shields into battle.

[14:31] Well, what are we doing?

[14:32] I understand.

Stuart Wellington

[14:33] There's like a lot of, well, I feel like almost all the action sequences are like choreographed.

[14:38] You have one guy run up to the hero, the hero performs some maneuvers on him, and then the next guy comes up.

[14:43] Including like, I think the final move in this one is he does like a backwards flip kick thing.

[14:48] Yeah.

[14:49] You see it from multiple angles, I think.

[14:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:51] Yeah.

[14:52] If you didn't step out of the way of that one, you know, you deserve it.

[14:54] I'd like to say a little bit about.

[14:56] I'm sorry.

[14:56] Go ahead, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[14:57] Oh, no.

[14:58] Just the choreography in this movie, by and large, is pretty good.

[15:03] There are like some scenes that I think are very good and some scenes that are kind of boring.

[15:07] But like it pays more attention to fight choreography, which is why a lot of people, including Stuart here, love these sort of smaller action movies.

[15:16] Because it's like where a lot of this stuff is found these days.

[15:20] But the problem with it often is if it gets really choreographed, you like know that it's choreographed.

[15:26] Like you can, it feels like a dance rather than a fight.

[15:31] And I think our lead is one of the worst people in the movie at not making it seem like just a dance.

[15:38] Yeah.

[15:38] Like he doesn't seem to be fighting.

Elliott Kalan

[15:39] That was a big issue I had with it, which is that, yeah, at a certain point when it's so heavily choreographed, it does, it's like the only way this is happening is if both people involved in the fight know what all the moves are.

[15:50] I kept thinking of like the raid redemption where when I watched the fights and that, I'm like, these people are trying to kill each other.

[15:56] Like this, whereas in this it's like, it looks like you're watching a sparring match and then afterwards they're going to be like, so kids, is karate for you?

[16:02] Sign up right over there.

[16:04] You got to buy the uniform.

[16:06] I'm going to need $25.

[16:07] Confidence, fitness.

Jordan Morris

[16:08] Yeah.

[16:10] And also it is tough to buy the fact that he's fighting military guys because this entire military base seems to have two guns that they share between everyone, but everyone has a knife.

[16:26] There's so much running at guys with knives, like big crocodile dundee knives.

[16:32] It's like this army is terribly underfunded.

[16:36] They should have at least more than two guns.

Elliott Kalan

[16:37] Well, normally, yeah, after the sixth guy gets beaten up hand to hand, the seventh guy will just shoot.

[16:42] Right, yeah.

[16:43] The guy who's doing the beating up.

[16:43] Maybe we should use that gun.

[16:45] I will say the one time I was in Afghanistan performing stand-up comedy for the troops when there was a war going on there.

Stuart Wellington

[16:50] You weren't performing martial arts.

[16:52] No, I was not performing martial arts.

[16:53] There was one.

[16:54] It wasn't some kind of martial arts demo where you like rip the phone book in half at the end.

[16:58] Yeah, it was all.

[16:58] Hey, army guys, maybe karate's for you.

Elliott Kalan

[17:00] Look at this.

[17:01] Confidence, fitness.

[17:02] Sign up.

[17:03] Look, the strength of Christ is helping me rip this phone book in half.

[17:06] Take a look.

[17:07] Want to sign up?

[17:08] But there was one.

[17:10] The only time I was ever scared by any of the people that I met, this one guy had a huge knife.

[17:14] And he was like, the only thing I haven't gotten to do yet is I haven't had a knife kill.

[17:17] I almost had one.

[17:18] And then someone else shot him.

[17:20] And I was like, I want you to stay here.

[17:22] I don't want you coming back.

[17:23] Oh, boy.

[17:23] So maybe they're all that.

[17:25] Maybe this is a special unit made up of guys like that where they're like, you know what?

[17:28] Send them to Burma.

[17:29] Yeah.

[17:30] We don't need these guys obsessed with knives.

Stuart Wellington

[17:33] They can't get to the next level on their character until they kill somebody in close combat.

[17:38] They have plenty.

[17:39] They've like maxed out on gun kills.

[17:41] Yeah, yeah.

Jordan Morris

[17:41] These guys are trophy hunters is what you're saying.

[17:44] These are PlayStation trophy hunters.

[17:46] It's their conflict checklist.

[17:49] We're trying to 100% this war.

Elliott Kalan

[17:51] Yeah, trying to platinum war.

[17:53] Remember, when we raid an enemy base, kick every wall to see if there's a hidden room there.

[18:01] We've got to pick up all the bananas and DK coins.

[18:07] Punch that hay veil.

[18:09] Anything there?

[18:10] No.

[18:10] Okay, what about that box?

[18:11] It's part of the background.

[18:12] Don't worry about it.

[18:13] Listen, we have to unlock all the skins.

[18:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:17] So anyway.

[18:17] If you walk into a room full of clay jars, you know you've got to start diving through all of them.

[18:21] That's where all the rupees are.

Elliott Kalan

[18:22] Yeah.

[18:23] After an incident with some truth serum that gets them nowhere, the army intel lady starts believing this guy's amnesia is real.

[18:30] She starts going good cop on him.

[18:31] But then, uh-oh.

[18:33] This is going to be taken out of her hands because it's time for the next chapter.

[18:35] Reunion.

[18:36] Because who's going to come in?

[18:37] That's right.

[18:37] Tony Jaa is going to come in and beat up a bunch of soldiers.

[18:40] Then the amnesia guy, he's like, hey, come with me.

[18:43] And he's like, okay, leading to a long POV fighting sequence where we are Jake, just swinging our fists and our feet.

[18:51] And it really makes me glad that I didn't bother to go see Hardcore Harry because I'm like, oh, that's what this is.

[18:56] Sure.

[18:56] Okay, great.

Dan McCoy

[18:56] This action sequence, I feel like I don't like the POV.

[19:02] Like the first part of it is.

Elliott Kalan

[19:03] Especially because it is less impressive since you know they can just strap a GoPro to someone's head and have them.

[19:08] It's not like, how did the camera guy stay out of the way of those flying fists?

[19:12] It's like, well, they just put a GoPro on his head.

[19:14] Just like you would have.

[19:15] Like if you want a shot of a dog walking through places, just strap a GoPro on its head, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[19:19] Yeah, you don't have to like, you don't have to surgically remove one of its eyeballs and put a tiny video camera in its head.

Elliott Kalan

[19:25] Not anymore, thanks to the people at GoPro.

[19:28] Or the way that like a crane shot of like a forest used to be a sign in a low budget movie like, look.

[19:33] Or a helicopter shot, like we did it.

[19:35] We made this.

[19:35] And it adds production values.

[19:36] But now just a 16-year-old can fly a drone in there.

[19:39] Just lap a GoPro on your nephew's drone and send it around.

[19:43] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:43] The first half of this action sequence though is like, is Tony Jaa like running along the top of walls and hiding behind walls.

Elliott Kalan

[19:52] It's a lot like a live action adaptation of the Aladdin game for the Sega Genesis.

[19:56] A lot of running on top of walls.

Dan McCoy

[19:57] It does look video gamey.

[20:00] But it is done in this like fake long tape.

[20:03] There's, you know, there are a couple whip pans where I'm sure they hid the cuts.

[20:06] But it is trying something.

[20:09] I would argue that this is the part of the movie that sets a high bar for the action sequences that the rest of the movie doesn't quite live up to.

[20:18] Like this is, I think, the high point.

[20:20] The Tony Jaa part of it.

[20:22] Later on, yes, it jumps into his POV.

[20:24] And then it's like a weird part where like he jumps out of his own POV.

[20:27] Like he like leaps over the camera back into like third person shooting.

Elliott Kalan

[20:32] It's the kind of thing that happens in, this is revealing too much about myself, I guess.

[20:36] The kind of thing that happens in POV porn where at a certain point they're just like, you know what, let's just shoot it as if they're regular people.

[20:43] Like this, we're not going to get the angle we want if it's still the camera that's on.

[20:46] The GoPro stuck to this guy's head.

[20:48] Come on, let's.

[20:49] Yeah.

Jordan Morris

[20:50] Yeah, but it's pretty fun.

[20:51] I did like the part where they paused for three minutes and the guy just looked at his own dick.

[20:57] I really felt like I had Jake's dick.

[20:59] Maybe I haven't seen any videos.

[21:02] This also, three minutes.

Elliott Kalan

[21:04] Three minutes feels like a long time.

Jordan Morris

[21:05] No, it was the perfect amount of time.

[21:07] I disagree.

Elliott Kalan

[21:08] Because at that point it's more of a medical test than like a.

[21:11] Yeah, he was checking himself for ticks.

[21:14] For ticks.

[21:15] Because it was a forest scene and they wanted.

[21:17] Right.

[21:17] It was a POV porn video from the National Park Service on tick safety and prevention.

[21:22] Yeah, on Lyme disease prevention.

[21:23] Sure, testicle ticks are an issue.

[21:25] Ticksticles, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[21:26] This is also where I started noticing like what's going to be a theme of the movie, which is like fake CGI like stuff around.

[21:34] Like because every time they would.

[21:35] Tony John would like throw someone off a building.

[21:38] He would land and there'd be like the CGI cloud of dust that would come up.

[21:42] I'm like, why do you have to add that?

[21:44] Like I will believe that he fell without adding the dust.

Stuart Wellington

[21:47] Yeah, you're expecting when you like jump behind a wall to beat up some guys that there would be like, I don't know, like stars and like battle lines.

[21:55] Swirlies, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:56] And that someone would fall down and little birdies would fly around their head and little bells.

Jordan Morris

[22:00] Not to cram more video game references into this, but those CGI hit detectors were just like, that's what happens in Tekken.

[22:08] That is how you know in Tekken you've hit somebody.

[22:10] Or you get a little CGI mouth blood as well.

[22:15] That happens a lot in the movie.

[22:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:17] So Jake runs off with Tony John.

[22:20] He meets a whole cadre of fighters, including Frank Grillo.

[22:23] That's right, Crossbones himself.

Stuart Wellington

[22:26] And you know these guys are like, you know, they're not just your average run of the mill, like run into the street types.

[22:33] Because they're all wearing these like long shawls that don't have sleeves.

[22:38] But they do have hoods.

[22:39] Kind of like a duster, but they do have a hood.

[22:40] It's like the sort of thing that, again, I get in my Instagram ads all the time.

[22:44] And I'm like, can I pull this off?

[22:46] I don't know.

[22:47] It would look good with my genie pants.

Elliott Kalan

[22:50] It's like someone saw a, what's that, Assassin's video game?

[22:55] Oh, Assassin's Creed.

[22:56] Assassin's Creed.

[22:56] You're right.

[22:57] They saw a bus ad for Assassin's Creed and were like, I could pull off that look.

[23:00] Yeah, the hood with no sleeves.

[23:02] Yeah.

[23:04] The same way that a lot of guys after Drive started wearing those jackets.

[23:07] And I think maybe 85% could not pull it off.

[23:09] 15%, they pulled it off great.

Jordan Morris

[23:11] Yeah, yeah.

[23:12] Guys, here's what I'm thinking.

[23:15] Group Halloween costume this year.

[23:17] We all go as the Jiu-Jitsu sleeveless warriors.

Elliott Kalan

[23:21] We're the famous cadre of Brax fighting warriors from Jiu-Jitsu.

[23:25] Uh-huh.

[23:26] And here's another scene.

Stuart Wellington

[23:26] Who's going to be Wiley, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[23:28] I mean, Wiley's the best character.

[23:30] But I'll be the comic.

[23:31] Yeah, that's why I get, yeah.

[23:32] Oh, wow.

[23:34] I think we're already dressing up as characters who don't wear the hooded sleeveless thing.

Jordan Morris

[23:37] So I think we need to really-

[23:39] Back up a little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[23:40] Let's central the premise of this Halloween costume, okay?

[23:43] Like, if my family, I think we may be doing a Nightmare Before Christmas thing this year,

[23:47] because that's what my younger son is obsessed with.

[23:49] But if I was like, yeah, yeah, and you know what?

[23:51] I'll be Wario.

[23:52] Like, it wouldn't really go with the main premise of the group costume, you know?

[23:56] But Wario farts.

[23:58] He does.

[23:59] That's true.

[24:00] That's a good point.

[24:01] I read it on a bathroom wall.

[24:02] Yeah, so it must be true.

Stuart Wellington

[24:03] Stu, that's a great point.

[24:06] What about Waluigi?

[24:07] How is he with flatulence?

[24:09] I mean, I don't think he farts as much.

[24:10] I don't think it's like his main attack, right?

[24:13] Okay.

[24:14] Unlike that ape from Primal.

[24:16] Do they both say wah?

[24:17] Oh, Primal Rage.

[24:18] Primal Rage.

[24:18] Primal Rage, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[24:19] Do they both say wah?

[24:20] Do they both scream wah?

Elliott Kalan

[24:21] When they-

[24:23] Maybe.

[24:23] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[24:25] I mean-

[24:25] Dan's right.

[24:26] They both do say wah.

Elliott Kalan

[24:27] Yeah, I like that in the Mario Brothers universe, if you have a Mario for a brother, your name

[24:33] decided by his name.

[24:34] That's just the way it works.

[24:36] Mario, Mario, and Luigi Mario.

[24:38] Wario's brother has to be Waluigi.

[24:39] You have to assume Luigi and Waluigi are younger brothers, right?

[24:42] Or did they have to change their names when their younger brothers were born?

[24:45] Because that's a big blow to the ego.

[24:47] Sure.

[24:47] If you have a younger brother who's a baby and your parents are like, you have to change

[24:50] your name so that it fits your younger brother's name, you know?

[24:55] Yeah.

[24:56] It's a, you know, it's hard to have confidence after that.

[24:58] No wonder they just follow their brothers around.

Stuart Wellington

[25:00] I mean, I do like, I do like that you assume they reproduce like mammals and they don't

[25:06] like burst out of eggs or something.

Elliott Kalan

[25:08] I mean, there's nothing about the Mario Brothers or the Wario Brothers that would lead me to

[25:12] believe they're not human beings.

Stuart Wellington

[25:15] Have you seen the sequence where Mario goes to New Donk City and there's like regular humans

[25:19] walking around, but he looks like a little weirdo?

Jordan Morris

[25:23] Oh, I haven't seen that.

[25:23] It does look very different from the...

[25:26] I think I have some information that could be helpful in this discussion.

[25:29] All right.

[25:29] Lay it on us.

[25:30] So we do know canonically...

[25:32] I once fucked Mario.

[25:33] We do know canonically that Mario has nipples.

[25:37] They have drawn nipples on Mario.

[25:39] Okay.

[25:39] So we do know that he is at least a mammal.

[25:41] Okay.

[25:41] Fair.

Elliott Kalan

[25:42] Yeah.

[25:42] He comes from a species that produces milk.

[25:44] Yeah.

[25:44] To feed its young, you might think.

[25:45] Unless they've evolved to some sort of reptile state and those are vestigial nipples.

[25:51] Nipples.

[25:52] Not vestigial nipples.

[25:53] Vestigial nipples is a snack food that everybody loves.

[25:56] It's the little pieces that are left over in the bottom of the bag of other snack foods.

[25:59] You combine them into one.

Dan McCoy

[26:00] It's just a bunch of fried appendixes.

[26:04] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[26:04] You do like a Katamari Namaste or whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[26:09] A Katamari Namaste.

Jordan Morris

[26:10] That's the meditation where you roll the ball and you figure it out.

[26:14] It's the pose that pleases your father, the king of all cosmos.

[26:18] Is this the most video game references in a plot box?

[26:20] There's a lot of videos.

[26:21] By far.

Elliott Kalan

[26:22] Yeah.

[26:22] Well, it makes sense.

[26:23] We are talking about jujitsu.

[26:25] Anyway, so this is one of the number of scenes where Jake will be told the plot of the movie.

[26:31] And the people keep going, Jake, you remember us, right?

[26:33] You remember us, Jake?

[26:34] And he's like, no, I don't.

[26:35] Come on, Jake.

[26:35] You remember us?

[26:36] It's like, no, he doesn't.

Jordan Morris

[26:37] They're not explaining who they are to him.

[26:39] Like, people give him shit for having amnesia, but they don't try and help him.

[26:43] No, not at all.

[26:44] They don't explain anything to him.

Elliott Kalan

[26:45] The soldiers show up.

[26:47] The soldiers show up.

Elliott Kalan

[26:47] First, they get tossed around by an invisible force.

[26:49] Then some soldiers show up.

[26:50] Everybody fights again.

[26:51] Long, long fighting sequence between these new guys and the soldiers.

[26:55] These are the main, you got Jake.

[26:56] You got Frank Grillo.

[26:57] You got this lady who uses nunchucks.

[26:59] You got Tony Jaa.

[27:01] And there's a guy who uses a long metal pipe.

[27:03] It's like a metal bo staff, kind of, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[27:07] And Tony Jaa looks like he's just using, like, angled, like, plumbing pipes.

[27:11] Like, his, like, fighting sticks look like pipes.

Dan McCoy

[27:15] Yeah, they're baton-shaped, but they're pipes.

[27:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:18] Yeah.

[27:18] And this is around the time.

[27:20] These are these long martial arts sequences without a lot of story to tie them together.

[27:23] And it was around this point that I was like, this is like, this movie is like a meal where you're just having french fries.

[27:27] Where it's like, yeah, it tastes good in the moment.

[27:29] But it's like, not, by the end of it, I'm like, ugh.

[27:32] I didn't really get what I needed to have ingesting food.

[27:33] Oh, I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[27:35] Look, I mean, you could argue whether you should make a movie about a bunch of martial arts people who fight an alien every six years.

[27:44] That is not the issue I'm having, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[27:46] The issue I'm having.

Dan McCoy

[27:47] But if that movie exists, I feel like you want as much fighting as possible.

Elliott Kalan

[27:52] No, but there are, I'll just say, I'll just posit, which is true, that there are martial arts movies where I am like,

[27:57] I hope the characters accomplish the thing that these martial arts are contributing to.

[28:01] And in this movie, it was like, oh boy, there's just like the thinnest of fibers connecting these martial arts scenes.

[28:08] Perhaps the martial arts scenes were more exciting.

Dan McCoy

[28:12] As we explain the movie, you will come to see audience of this podcast.

[28:17] That is basically, it starts out like the Bourne Identity and ends like Predator.

[28:23] Yes.

[28:24] And all the Bourne Identity stuff is completely cuttable from the movie.

[28:27] Although, I actually find the earlier scene, like this is the rare movie where before the alien shows up, I was more entertained.

Elliott Kalan

[28:34] You were more entertained when he was just sitting in a dentist chair as that lady yelled at him and was like, tell me who you are.

Dan McCoy

[28:40] The Tony Jaa fight and then this fight between him and the army.

[28:45] Like the problem with the alien stuff, I think is they did a good job creating an alien who could move around.

[28:53] But I think that probably a guy wearing a big suit was not the best choice for a martial arts movie.

[28:59] He does have a hologram face.

[29:00] It took down the temperature of the fights a little bit.

Stuart Wellington

[29:03] Yeah, his face does look like the fog wall from a From Software game.

Dan McCoy

[29:07] I got the feeling that the performer was hampered by having to wear a big rubber suit.

Elliott Kalan

[29:13] Especially when you remember like the Ninja Turtles movies, the old ones.

[29:16] They're wearing rubber suits and their moves are amazing.

Jordan Morris

[29:18] To me, his foggy helmet with his big face looks like he was smoking a joint in his space helmet.

[29:26] Brax is hot box in his own space suit.

Elliott Kalan

[29:29] Oh boy.

[29:30] Well, Jake tells them.

[29:31] He's on the level.

[29:32] So they get thrown away.

[29:33] They get thrown around by electricity again.

[29:35] There's something with heat vision that's zapping them.

[29:36] And Jake tells the army intelligence lady, you got to leave the area.

[29:39] And she's like, okay, that makes sense.

[29:41] And appears, I think, one more time before the movie's over.

[29:44] Hey, you're mentioning Brax.

[29:45] It's time for the section called Brax.

[29:47] Not Brats.

[29:48] That's a different thing.

[29:50] Brax is four girls who can take on the world.

[29:52] And they're good at everything.

[29:54] Brax is instead an alien that we're going to meet.

[29:57] So the army goes into the jungle.

[29:59] I'm not quite sure.

[30:00] But why?

[30:00] But I guess they're leaving the area.

[30:02] But their Geiger counters are going crazy.

[30:04] And that's when this invincible ninja starts throwing stars at them.

[30:07] And then we see what it is.

[30:09] It's this kind of Giver looking alien in like a techno suit.

[30:13] It's very X-O Manowar looking.

[30:15] Oh yeah.

[30:15] Sure.

[30:16] But it's also a ninja.

[30:17] But here's the thing.

[30:18] He can kill people with a glowing red touch.

[30:20] And he heals almost instantly from all wounds.

[30:23] So it is not really a fair fight that Brax is coming at.

[30:27] Like they're shooting with machine guns.

[30:28] And he's like, uh, uh, uh, uh.

[30:29] And then his body just comes back together again.

[30:32] It's not really fair.

[30:35] Okay.

[30:36] That's all we need to know about him.

[30:36] He's Brax.

[30:37] He fights.

[30:37] They haven't explained who he is yet.

[30:38] I like that argument though.

Stuart Wellington

[30:40] Do they use that same argument against like the T-1000?

[30:43] When like they shoot him a bunch and he just heals?

Elliott Kalan

[30:45] Well, the problem is the T-1000 is an assassin machine that's trying to kill people.

[30:49] Brax has, as we'll learn, has supposedly come to earth looking for a competition battle that will be good enough to challenge him.

[30:56] But if you don't sustain damage, it's kind of hard for any challenger who is human and sustains damage and does not have heat vision and CGI shurikens to throw all over the place.

[31:06] You know, it's hard to compete with that.

Dan McCoy

[31:07] Yeah.

[31:08] This is like a hunter, you know, with a high powered rifle who, who like goes out to shoot a deer, but claims that he's in like a life and death struggle with that deer.

[31:17] You know?

[31:17] Yeah.

[31:18] Right.

[31:19] The deer is a sitting deer.

Elliott Kalan

[31:21] He has, he has like a grenade in his hand and then like there's a rabbit and he throws the grenade at the red.

[31:25] Yeah.

[31:26] It's Monty Python in the whole row.

[31:27] Man, cookers all.

[31:29] Take that, you dumb bunny.

[31:31] Take that stupid bunny.

[31:32] If you wanted to survive, you should have invented grenades.

[31:34] Looks like your feet aren't so lucky now.

Jordan Morris

[31:37] When I was, I was taking notes about the movie when I was watching.

[31:41] Oh, wow.

[31:41] Because I'm a good podcast guest.

[31:43] Better than some of the hosts.

[31:44] Yeah.

[31:45] And I was doing it in my notes app.

[31:46] And whenever I would type Brax, it would autocorrect to Brad.

Dan McCoy

[31:51] How much better would this movie have been if the monster was just called Brad?

[31:55] That would be fantastic.

[31:56] Well, that, I mean, maybe, yeah, this is like, that makes me think that the alien is like someone's like stepfather, like frustrated, like dude who's like, this is the only way I can get out of my anger is to go to Earth.

Elliott Kalan

[32:10] It's somebody's old college roommate.

[32:12] They're like, Brad comes to Earth every six years to fight a bunch of people.

[32:15] He's got to kill us, drinks all our beer.

Jordan Morris

[32:17] But how fantastic would it have been if it was Tony Braxton that comes to Earth every six years for this big fight?

Elliott Kalan

[32:21] Oh, wow.

[32:22] Amazing.

[32:22] And you know, she sings afterwards.

[32:24] That's what she does.

[32:25] That's what she's famous for.

[32:26] So, next section is called Rabbit.

[32:29] She still fights, though.

[32:30] Yeah, of course.

[32:30] Yeah.

[32:31] But then she sings after or during the fight.

[32:33] Next section, Rabbit Hole.

[32:35] Jake runs off, which we'll learn is kind of his thing.

[32:38] And the Intel lady gets hit by a throwing star goodbye to her.

[32:41] Jake lands in an underground hut inhabited by Wiley, a.k.a.

[32:47] Nicolas Cage.

[32:48] That's right, everybody.

[32:49] Yeah.

[32:49] Nick Cage is back.

[32:50] And is he phoning in this performance?

[32:52] The answer?

[32:54] No.

[32:55] No.

[32:55] He is not.

[32:55] Of course not.

[32:56] He seems to be having so much fun being a guy who used to be a martial arts master and

[33:01] chickened out and begged Brax for his life six years ago and was allowed to go on living

[33:06] in a hut by himself where he makes hats out of newspapers and has a piano.

[33:10] He has the most random collection of stuff in this hut, which makes it more believable

[33:15] to me.

[33:15] But he also kind of talks like if Obi-Wan Kenobi hadn't interacted with another human being

[33:22] for years and had kind of lost his bearings.

[33:26] You know what I didn't even realize until now?

[33:28] This is what Yoda should have been like in the prequels.

[33:33] He is Nicolas Cage.

[33:34] He's still kind of weird and crazy.

[33:36] He's still a hermit.

[33:37] He has a hat made out of a newspaper.

[33:40] And he's helping Jake because immediately he and Jake start fighting.

[33:44] Nicolas Cage is talking cryptically about how the spaceman chose him to be the true jiu-jitsu

[33:47] or some nonsense.

Stuart Wellington

[33:49] But this, I mean, this is a movie we've already made comments about how the dialogue in general

[33:53] in this movie is pretty stilted.

[33:55] But Nicolas Cage delivers it with a certain panache that is so welcome.

Elliott Kalan

[33:59] I wouldn't be surprised if he rewrote at least some of his stuff.

[34:03] It feels so much more like him than the rest of the movie.

[34:06] The one thing that doesn't feel like him, his fight double, who looks nothing like him.

[34:09] Yeah.

[34:10] And so you see, it's a lot of like a close-up of Nicolas Cage going, oh, and then you'll

[34:14] cut to a wide shot of Jake fighting a guy who's wearing the same wig.

Jordan Morris

[34:17] Whose wig is always in his face.

[34:18] Yeah.

[34:19] Whose wig is always covering his entire face.

[34:21] Yeah.

[34:22] So it was, you know.

[34:24] There's a line in here that I think backs up your Cage rewrote some of this theory, Elliot.

[34:29] At some point, someone says that they're hungry and Cage says, what do you want, a pickle or

[34:35] a noodle?

[34:36] Anyway.

[34:37] To me, that was like the most nonsensical thing.

[34:39] Yeah.

[34:39] I'm like, why am I laughing at this?

[34:40] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[34:41] What is a tickle or a noodle?

[34:42] Yeah.

[34:42] Wait, a tickle or a noodle?

[34:44] Oh, man.

[34:45] I should have been paying more attention.

Elliott Kalan

[34:47] So Nicolas Cage is the one who says, Jake, you're supposed to fight Brax one-on-one fairly.

[34:51] And that's what Brax is looking for.

[34:53] The other fighters show up and Nicolas Cage is like, Jake isn't ready.

[34:56] He's crazy.

[34:56] Like me.

[34:57] Ha, ha, ha.

[34:58] Anyway, the warriors, they walk Jake and Nicolas Cage to this ancient temple.

[35:03] Nicolas Cage is just being a goofball.

[35:04] I mean, like every scene with him in it is more fun.

Stuart Wellington

[35:06] And he at some point explains that it's all about the magical power of jujitsu that was

[35:11] given to them by Brax, what, thousands of years ago?

Elliott Kalan

[35:14] Thousands of years ago, Brax came through this portal in this ancient temple.

[35:18] He taught humanity jujitsu so that they would have something to fight him with when he came

[35:22] back every six years to have fun fighting and killing people.

[35:25] And you don't have to win the fight.

[35:27] As long as you fight him honorably, his version of honorably, which is you have your fists

[35:32] and he has CGI laser-guided shurikens that he can throw at you.

[35:37] And a new weapon that manifests every fight.

[35:39] Yeah.

[35:39] As long as nine people fight him fairly, then he goes home.

[35:43] But if anyone cheats or doesn't fight him, then he kills.

[35:47] It's unclear whether it is everybody in the world or just everybody in the immediate area.

[35:52] Sure.

[35:52] Yeah.

[35:53] At one point they say everyone.

[35:54] Another point they say innocent villages.

[35:56] So Brax is like either fight me or I kill everybody.

[35:59] So really, what it is is every six years, nine people die to Brax is really basically what

[36:03] it is.

Dan McCoy

[36:04] I posted this explanation scene to the Flophouse Instagram stories because at the end, the hero,

[36:12] like there's this long, crazy thing about what Brax's deal is and how he gave us jujitsu so we could fight him.

[36:21] And that's why you have jujitsu.

[36:24] And then you cut to our hero who just does this look like, whoa.

[36:29] Like, what was that?

[36:31] What was that all about?

[36:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:34] Well, because he doesn't know the story checks out until you see in the temple.

[36:38] It's an ancient mural of Brax, as we learned from Justice League and Mortal Kombat.

[36:44] The best way to communicate information is with a mural painted on the wall of an ancient temple.

[36:48] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[36:48] Somebody told Gustav Klimt that, too.

[36:50] The – so, yeah.

[36:53] It would be – it's almost like if in the Predator movies they found a cave that had, like, cave paintings that showed a predator, like, teaching, like, proto-humans how to hunt.

[37:03] Yeah.

[37:04] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:06] So, they – there's clearly something going on between Jake and Dart's lady.

[37:10] They used to have a thing together.

[37:12] She helps him to change into a slightly more ridged T-shirt and one of those sleeveless hoods, which makes you invisible to Brax's heat vision.

[37:21] And Frank Grillo gives him a sword, which doesn't play that much of a part to the rest of the movie, but I guess he uses it.

[37:29] Jake has to defeat Brax before sundown because of something related to the comet.

[37:33] It's not totally clear, but we get a bunch of ominous shots of the comet, and I guess if it reaches the horizon, maybe.

[37:38] Yeah.

[37:39] Like, they lose – like, there's a lot of rules to this competition that kind of pop up late.

[37:43] They're like, as long as you fight Brax, everything will be okay.

[37:46] Oh, and you have to defeat him by sundown.

[37:48] Wait, why?

[37:48] Hold on.

[37:49] You didn't mention that before.

Dan McCoy

[37:50] I mean, in the climax –

[37:53] In the climax, it seems like the deal is that, like, Brax – the vortex opens up again, and Brax leaves then because of the comet.

[38:02] But it's like, well, that's fine.

[38:05] Like, what's wrong with that version of events where, like, oh, we didn't defeat him by sundown.

[38:10] Oh, he left.

[38:11] He got bored.

Elliott Kalan

[38:14] Uh, I think – well, I don't know.

[38:16] I think maybe it's that the portal opens, and he can choose to stay or leave at that point.

[38:20] Yeah.

[38:21] Uh, the comet opens the portal, but Brax comes or goes.

[38:24] It's very – it's not clear, and it doesn't get any more clear because Jake, as we learn, he chickened out.

[38:30] They call him the rabbit because he ran away from Brax.

[38:34] Unlike Nicolas Cage, who at least had the guts to beg for his life from Brax.

[38:38] So Brax considered him crazy and thus unfit to kill, unsporting.

[38:42] Jake just ran away, and that's why he was being chased by shurikens off a cliff earlier.

[38:48] Anyway –

Jordan Morris

[38:49] One of the Brax rules that I was having a hard time with was the you have to fight him one-on-one thing

[38:56] because there are so many times in the movie where people gang up on Brax, and it goes pretty well.

[39:04] But then people just started going at him one-on-one.

[39:06] And I didn't know that's a kung fu movie thing.

[39:08] It's like, you know, you fight each other one-on-one because that's more fun.

[39:11] But, like, yeah, the idea that only a certain number of people can fight Brax.

Elliott Kalan

[39:18] Yeah.

[39:19] But they also ignore that rule and everything's fine.

Jordan Morris

[39:23] Yeah.

[39:23] And at the end, like, the old lady comes in and starts shooting Brax with a shotgun, and, like, that's fine?

[39:28] Like, is she also part of the group that can fight him?

Stuart Wellington

[39:31] Would you argue with her?

[39:33] I don't think so.

[39:35] Brax is like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Dan McCoy

[39:36] Well, later, spoiler for later, like, Brax kills Nicolas Cage and, like, the hero and the lady are literally just, like, watching it happen from the side.

[39:48] If any time to break the rule of one-on-one fighting is there.

[39:51] It's to save Nicolas Cage.

Elliott Kalan

[39:52] Well, yeah.

[39:53] I mean, they're just watching what happens live.

Stuart Wellington

[39:55] Yeah, do you think maybe when the fisherman's wife showed up with the shotgun, Brax just assumed she was, like, one of the other characters' summons?

[40:05] Possibly.

[40:05] Like a special move?

Elliott Kalan

[40:06] I mean, they just hit the right buttons, and she just jumps in, does her move, and jumps out again.

[40:11] Yeah.

[40:11] I mean, if I know, all I know about Fisherman's Wives, she was probably pretty tired out from having sex with that octopus.

[40:18] And so, you know, or dreaming about it at the very least.

[40:22] And so she just, she had to rebuild her energy to get that shotgun, so she couldn't save Nicolas Cage.

Jordan Morris

[40:27] Well, the shotgun, too, is the thing that seems to hurt Brax the most.

Elliott Kalan

[40:31] It's, like, some kind of super shotgun.

[40:33] I don't know where she got it from.

[40:34] Sure.

[40:34] I mean, unless, when one of the other fighters died, they blinked away and then left a shotgun behind, and she picked that up.

Stuart Wellington

[40:41] Yeah, yeah.

[40:41] That's, like, a very rare drop.

Elliott Kalan

[40:44] Yeah.

[40:45] Or she, it's an in-game purchase, and she's like, you know what, we're fighting Brax.

Jordan Morris

[40:49] Oh, yeah, I'm going to pay the 99 cents to get the super shotgun.

Elliott Kalan

[40:53] Pre-order exclusive.

[40:54] I know it's kind of a scam.

[40:56] I can't take it out of here.

[40:57] Yeah, she got the day one edition of Jiu-Jitsu.

[41:00] If I, maybe afterwards I can mint it as an NFT, make some of my money back, you know.

[41:04] But anyway, topical.

[41:06] So now we just get a bunch of sections of Brax fighting people.

[41:09] You get the My Time section.

[41:11] Brax fights some people.

[41:13] There's, he kills all of them.

[41:15] Jake gets captured by an army guy from earlier, and he's like, hey, we've been tracking Brax for decades.

[41:19] Here's, and here's your sword, by the way.

[41:21] The one that you got earlier.

[41:22] I'm giving it back to you.

[41:23] He goes, here's the secret.

[41:25] We've realized when he gets hurt, it takes him about six or seven seconds to heal.

[41:30] That's when you go after him.

[41:31] And it's like, oh, okay, that's your big secret?

[41:34] No, shoot.

[41:34] Hit him when he's weak?

[41:35] Okay, thanks.

[41:36] Hit him when there's still holes in him?

[41:38] Yeah.

[41:39] That army, I mean, military intelligence, am I right?

[41:41] Talk about an oxymoron.

Stuart Wellington

[41:42] Is there like a visual cue?

[41:46] Does his little visor, the fog clear, and you see his face for a second?

[41:51] Like, what's going on there?

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] Well, I think it's when he has big holes in his belly.

[41:54] You know to attack him.

Stuart Wellington

[41:55] No, I know that, but what's going on with his visor?

[41:57] Because every once in a while, you see a face there.

[41:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[42:00] Elliot, what's going on?

[42:01] Tell me.

[42:02] I like a little cartoon face, too.

[42:02] Yeah, it was a little cartoon face.

[42:03] I mean, I'm not Brax's official spokesperson.

[42:07] We're just friends, despite what the tabloids say.

[42:10] But Brax is, you know, sometimes he likes to see, and sometimes he doesn't like to be seen.

[42:15] And so he allows it to fog, then he defogs it.

[42:18] It's, you know, it's the yes-no tug-and-pull cat-and-mouse hide-and-seek relationship that all superstars have with their public.

[42:26] And Brax is no different, you know, much like Toni Braxton.

[42:29] Sure.

[42:29] Yeah.

[42:31] Sometimes when Toni Braxton performs, she has a fogged-up visor that covers her whole face, and sometimes you can see her face, you know?

Jordan Morris

[42:37] Sometimes she takes on her competitors one-on-one, and sometimes they have a little lady to help them.

[42:42] Yeah.

[42:43] Yeah.

[42:45] But don't break the rules, because she'll destroy the world.

[42:47] The Brax face is never scary.

[42:48] It is either very silly and then occasionally very cute.

[42:52] Sometimes they'll hit Brax at an angle where you're like, oh, Brax.

Elliott Kalan

[42:56] Well, he looks like a blobfish, which is this fish that's, like, adorably ugly-looking.

[43:01] It's like, oh, woe is me.

[43:03] I'm a blobfish.

[43:04] Someone made a meme of me.

[43:07] Yeah.

[43:07] So Brax does have a face that's kind of like, oh, I'm Brax.

[43:11] I gave you jiu-jitsu.

Stuart Wellington

[43:13] Is it like when Mad Max knocks Blaster's helmet off and you're like, oh, you shouldn't kill this guy?

[43:20] That sort of thing?

[43:21] A little bit.

[43:22] Yeah, a little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[43:25] Just a little bit.

[43:26] Okay.

[43:27] Guys, what is the vapor?

[43:28] Just a teeny, tiny bit.

[43:29] Just like a teeny, tiny, minuscule, microscopic bit.

[43:33] Yeah.

[43:33] Like the tiniest little bit.

[43:35] Like, just like a bit of a bit.

[43:36] Just like a teeny bit of a bit.

[43:38] A tiny little bit.

[43:39] Just like a little bit.

[43:40] Like a little bit.

[43:41] You can't even say bit.

[43:41] You can't even say T.

[43:42] It's just bit.

[43:42] It's a little bit.

[43:43] Yeah.

[43:44] That's how little that bit is.

[43:45] Yeah.

[43:45] It's a tiny bit.

[43:47] It's a little bit.

[43:47] Sure.

[43:47] That's just all it is.

[43:48] You don't even say most words.

[43:50] Just LB.

[43:51] It's just a pound.

[43:51] Sure.

[43:52] It's just the abbreviation for pound.

[43:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[43:53] Uh-huh.

[43:53] Well, I'd like to say goodbye to all of our new listeners.

[43:58] Thank you for checking us out.

[43:59] Now, what if Brax is the vapor?

[44:03] What if the vapor is Brax?

[44:04] Oh, shit.

Elliott Kalan

[44:05] Oh, like the theory that Blofeld is the cat, and he possesses the minds of various different

[44:10] actors, and that's why there's more than one Blofeld.

[44:12] It's possible.

[44:12] Maybe Brax is made out of gas.

[44:14] Maybe he's a gas man.

[44:15] No, he's like Johan.

Jordan Morris

[44:17] What about this, guys?

[44:18] Maybe Brax is the friends we made along the way.

[44:21] Oh, yeah.

[44:22] Possibly.

[44:22] Thank you for being a Brax.

Elliott Kalan

[44:25] Do, do, do, do.

[44:26] Travel down the road and fight a Brax.

[44:29] Anyway, so somehow there's 38 minutes left of the movie.

[44:33] Jake finds Wiley cooking a fish, and they talk about more stuff.

[44:37] We have a flashback to Brax emerging from a portal.

[44:40] He kills a guy and attacks Jake.

[44:41] Jake runs away.

[44:42] We saw that already.

[44:43] Anyway, Wiley says he has a plan.

[44:46] Brax is hunting Jake as prey to make a point, and then he never really explains what the

[44:51] plan is because a dead body flops near them.

[44:54] And Wiley's like, oh, Brax is trying to vex you.

[44:57] That's why he's killing people and throwing their bodies at you.

[45:00] And it's like, it seems like there's easier.

[45:02] Everyone has a plan that they're not bothering to explain to the movie.

[45:05] Yeah.

[45:05] You know.

[45:06] But it's a good vocal warmup.

[45:07] It would be vexing.

[45:08] Yeah.

Jordan Morris

[45:08] It would be very vexing to not be able to walk anywhere without a dead body flopping out.

[45:12] Okay.

[45:12] It's a good vocal warmup, too.

[45:13] Before you start the podcast, you can just go, Brax is vexing.

[45:16] Brax is vexing.

[45:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[45:19] More fighting.

[45:20] Jake keeps running.

[45:22] Eventually, Brax reaches him.

[45:24] But uh-oh.

[45:24] Tony Ja jumps out.

[45:26] And Brax fights him as Jake runs away again.

[45:28] So the plan—and they're like, this was your plan, Jake.

[45:31] So it's like the plan seems to be—okay.

[45:33] So Brax comes to Earth to fight nine people in a row one-on-one.

[45:37] Jake's plan seems to be to make Brax chase him and then have people jump out to fight Brax one-on-one.

[45:43] The chasing doesn't really seem to be necessary for the plan.

[45:46] I don't really understand what the plan is supposed to achieve.

[45:49] Tiring Brax out?

[45:50] It just seems to be tiring about Jake.

[45:52] Because as we know, Brax can heal.

[45:54] So when the lactic acid builds up on his muscles from all that running, he's just going to heal from it.

[45:58] He'll be fine.

[45:59] He can run again.

[45:59] It's just going to take a couple seconds.

Stuart Wellington

[46:01] Yeah, he doesn't seem any weaker after fighting eight people than he did the first time, right?

Elliott Kalan

[46:06] No, not at all.

[46:07] But here's where we get, okay, it's another big fight.

[46:09] Nicolas Cage's body double has a sword fight with Brax.

[46:12] It turns into a long kind of wrestling and jump kick fight, then swords again.

[46:16] And Brax gives Nicolas Cage his sword so that he can kill him honorably.

[46:20] And he cuts him up with a lot of slashes and then holds him Pieta style.

[46:24] And it was like, wait, was Nicolas Cage his son?

[46:26] Like, I don't understand.

[46:27] Did Nicolas Cage just die for the sins of the film?

[46:29] I think so.

[46:30] But it's a real touching scene.

[46:33] And it's just too bad that there's no more Wiley in the movie because he brought a real life and a real spice, a real vim and vigor to the movie.

[46:39] Nick Cage, it was great to have you back for the amount of time that we had you.

[46:43] Can't wait to see you in Pig.

[46:45] You know, sleep, sweet prince.

[46:47] In theaters now.

Jordan Morris

[46:47] In theaters now as we speak.

[46:50] That is weird that his dying words are see pig in theaters now.

[46:54] Yeah.

[46:57] Just more Cage nonsense.

[46:59] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[47:01] Which is crazy because it was released far before Pig was released in theaters.

[47:04] Right.

[47:05] That's why it's weird, Stuart.

[47:06] That's why it's weird.

[47:07] No, you're right.

[47:08] Yeah, you're right.

Elliott Kalan

[47:08] Yeah.

[47:09] Well, let's call it Nicolas Cage and find out.

[47:11] Bleep, bleep, bleep.

[47:12] Oh, hello?

[47:14] Yeah, it's me, Nicolas Cage.

[47:16] Yeah.

[47:16] Do you have a question for me?

[47:17] Yeah.

[47:18] Wait, you're in jujitsu, right?

[47:20] Well, first, I have a question for you.

[47:21] Did you find my pig?

Jordan Morris

[47:24] I have a couple of things I want.

[47:26] I want to know about, before we talk about the pig thing, can we-

Elliott Kalan

[47:30] Because that's really what's on my mind right now, man, is this pig I can't find.

[47:33] Can you explain-

[47:34] It's not easy to lose a pig.

[47:36] Somehow I've managed it.

[47:37] Classic Nick.

[47:38] Pretty big.

[47:38] Can you explain the tickle or a noodle thing?

[47:41] So, okay, he looks hungry.

[47:43] He could have a noodle, but you know what feeds your soul?

[47:46] Laughter.

[47:46] So maybe he wants to be tickled instead.

[47:48] So it's not that crazy.

[47:49] Yeah, that checks out.

[47:50] You know, my Zen master told me that there's the opposite.

[47:54] Everyone has a tickle and a noodle inside of them.

[47:56] And the thing is, you've got to get in touch with the noodle when you're hungry or if you're

[48:00] in a pool, if it's that kind of noodle, right?

[48:02] And you've got to get in touch with the tickle when you need to laugh.

[48:05] And you know, laughter is, some would say the best medicine.

[48:08] I would say it's probably like the fourth best medicine.

[48:10] But, you know, it's still up to the top three medicines.

[48:13] Now, Nick, I wish you-

[48:13] Well, the top three medicines, obviously, are, one, number one is love.

[48:17] Number two is penicillin.

[48:19] And number three is if, like, you could mix love and penicillin into one medicine.

Dan McCoy

[48:26] Yeah, love of cillin.

Elliott Kalan

[48:26] I call it love of cillin, yeah.

[48:28] Oh, did you also call it that?

Dan McCoy

[48:30] I do call it that.

[48:31] I mean-

Elliott Kalan

[48:32] Oh, well, I guess I got to run to it.

[48:33] It's the first time I've-

[48:34] I should probably cut this conversation short and get to the copyright office before you

[48:37] trademark love of cillin.

[48:39] Because I've been sitting on that for a while, much like Charles Darwin waited too long to

[48:43] publish his results and almost got scooped on it.

[48:46] I really got to get to it.

[48:47] But what was your other question?

[48:48] Do you have any questions about jujitsu, the movie?

Jordan Morris

[48:51] I think we wanted to ask how you knew- we did a riff where we were saying that maybe your

[48:58] last words were see pig in theaters now.

[49:01] Yeah.

[49:01] And this movie came out far before pig was released in theaters.

[49:05] So how did you- in the world of our riff, how did you know that you were watching it while

[49:10] pig is in theaters?

Elliott Kalan

[49:11] I think, you know, a stop clock is right at least four or five times a day.

[49:15] And so I said, I said, see pig in theaters now knowing that this movie would come out before

[49:19] pig and just that it was likely someone would watch it because it's a great movie.

[49:23] It's a great movie that someone will be watching it when pig was in theaters, which it is now.

Stuart Wellington

[49:27] Now, under trivia for jujitsu, it says that you performed all your own stunts, but it doesn't

[49:33] appear that's the case.

[49:34] Can you explain that to me?

Elliott Kalan

[49:35] I have another self that performs stunts for me, but it's still me because when he's

[49:42] performing the stunts, I put myself in his mindset.

Stuart Wellington

[49:47] Oh, like the cat from James Bond.

Elliott Kalan

[49:51] Yeah, the one that's Blofeld.

[49:52] Exactly.

[49:53] Yeah.

[49:53] He throws his mind into Telly Savalas or, you know, the other guys.

[49:57] So that's what I do with a body that's, you know, just knows how to do this stuff, the

[50:02] stunts.

[50:03] And just before we lose you, Nick.

[50:06] No, I'm here.

[50:07] Oh, okay.

[50:07] Wow.

[50:08] You're here.

[50:08] Definitely.

[50:10] All I've got on my agenda just for today was answer calls should they come in and look

[50:14] for this pig.

[50:15] And, you know, I'm not making too much process on the pig.

[50:17] Any tips for summertime fun?

[50:20] Here's what I like to do in the summer.

[50:23] Okay.

[50:24] Number one, do you have board shorts?

[50:27] Oh, yeah.

[50:27] You don't even need a board.

[50:29] Just get the shorts.

[50:30] Yeah.

[50:30] Okay.

[50:31] Number two, I like to put a lot of zinc on my nose because it makes me feel like a lifeguard.

[50:35] And you know what?

[50:35] There's no one we trust more in this world than a teenager who's been hired for the summer

[50:40] to save middle-aged people if he notices them while he's trying to chat off the ladies.

[50:45] So I like to put myself in that mindset.

[50:46] And you get to carry around one of those big red thingies that kind of floats.

[50:49] What do they use them for?

[50:51] You know, those lifeguard thingies that they have?

[50:53] The big red things?

[50:54] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:55] Yeah, I think they're supposed to kind of float, right?

[50:58] That's my assumption.

[50:59] I've never used it.

[51:00] Yeah, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[51:01] So Stuart's fake trivia about Jude's H.

[51:03] You sent me to IMDb for the real trivia page.

[51:08] Number one, just because we mentioned them before, it says Nicolas Cage replaced Bruce Willis.

[51:14] So that's...

[51:14] Whoa.

[51:15] Oh.

[51:16] I did.

Elliott Kalan

[51:18] Wow.

[51:18] Not even in the movie.

[51:19] Much worse movie.

[51:20] They told me first choice.

[51:21] But okay, that's good to know.

[51:23] I have some conversations I need to have with the producer of Hard Bodies 2.

Dan McCoy

[51:28] Here's another piece of trivia.

[51:30] And, you know, this is IMDb.

[51:32] Anyone can put this in here.

[51:33] I don't know if it's accurate.

[51:35] But it says,

[51:37] Brax's face was actually a doodle done by Nick Cage while he was drunk

[51:41] that the producers thought was terrifying enough to put in the movie.

[51:44] Now, that seems like it could be a joke, but I also wanted to...

Elliott Kalan

[51:47] I put that in and I will not tell you if it's true or not.

[51:50] Okay.

[51:50] But I often put in trivia for my movies.

[51:53] And it's a little game I play where I like to see which things get picked up by the press.

[51:56] And then I'm like, ah, you got caged.

[51:59] That's another Cage classic.

[52:01] For instance, in Moonstruck, if you go to the IMDb entry, in the trivia section,

[52:06] it just says Cage Rules with a Z at the end of the art rule instead of an S.

[52:10] Did that get picked up by the media?

Dan McCoy

[52:11] Did the media pick that one up?

Elliott Kalan

[52:13] It was...

[52:14] I think it was in...

[52:15] It was in Ukrainian People Magazine.

[52:18] Ukrainian People Magazine had a story, Does Cage Rules?

[52:21] And they didn't really understand the grammar of it.

[52:23] But it got picked up by the wires, I guess.

[52:26] Anyway, I think I just saw a pig.

[52:28] So let me just tell you my other quick summer fun thing,

[52:31] which is load up on noodles and load up on tickles.

[52:34] You can't go wrong with either one.

[52:35] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[52:36] So I got to...

[52:37] And if you're going to go swimming, make sure to eat a big spaghetti dinner right before you do.

[52:40] That's Nick Cage with his summer fun safety tips.

[52:43] I think that one's wrong, but...

[52:45] But anyway, yeah, I think that's my pig over there.

[52:47] It's a pig.

[52:48] Might be a pig.

[52:48] Let me see.

[52:49] It might be...

[52:49] It's some pig.

[52:50] It's some pig.

[52:51] The web above it says some pig, so it might be my pig.

[52:55] So I'll see you guys later, and goodbye.

[52:58] Click.

[52:59] So, okay.

[53:01] Next we have the memorial section.

[53:04] Elliot, you're back.

Jordan Morris

[53:05] You won't believe who was on the phone.

Elliott Kalan

[53:07] I always seem to miss the exciting things.

[53:09] Who was on the phone?

[53:13] We'll tell you when you're older.

[53:15] When I'm older?

[53:16] Okay, so it was sex?

[53:17] It was sex.

[53:18] Okay.

[53:18] It's not appropriate now.

[53:19] So we find out in this next section that Wiley was Jake's father, which seems unlikely,

[53:24] but okay, that seems fine.

Dan McCoy

[53:25] Yeah, what a weird reveal.

[53:28] Like, it bears...

[53:29] It has no bearing on anything else.

Stuart Wellington

[53:31] But then we get a flashback of a younger man with the same haircut.

[53:35] Yeah.

[53:36] And we're like, it's gotta be true.

Elliott Kalan

[53:38] Yeah, because characters in movies, they don't change their hair or clothes.

[53:41] That's why old Han Solo wears the same vest as young Han Solo, and old Wiley has the

[53:46] same hair as young Wiley.

[53:47] We do get a flashback of a kid being taught jiu-jitsu by Nicolas Cage's stunt double on

[53:53] a beach somewhere.

[53:54] Maybe it's in the desert.

[53:55] Anyway, the army translator shows up.

[53:57] I forgot.

[53:58] She's got the old Burmese couple.

[53:59] They give first aid to nunchuck lady who needed it.

[54:03] And the Burmese lady is like, nunchuck lady shouldn't move.

[54:06] The stitches need to heal.

[54:07] And the interpreter, Crab Man, is like, she says she's good to go, which never played...

[54:12] And so you're supposed to be like, uh-oh, in the final fight, is she gonna get hurt?

[54:15] No, she's fine.

[54:16] They use those great, those insta-stitches.

[54:18] Brax shows up, shooting blades everywhere.

[54:20] The interpreter runs off.

[54:21] This is when the old lady, as mentioned before, starts blasting at Brax with a huge shotgun.

[54:26] And he heals as they escape.

[54:26] And it's effective.

Jordan Morris

[54:27] It's pretty effective.

[54:29] Yeah.

[54:29] I was like, anyway, we're just swordsing this guy the whole time.

[54:32] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[54:32] She should have gone for headshots.

[54:34] Just aim for that Nicolas Cage doodle behind that glass.

[54:36] Right in the doodle.

[54:38] Now I feel like it's like, if we want to use that Nicolas Cage doodle, but if we use it

[54:41] on screen the whole time, we gotta pay him.

[54:43] So every now and then, there'll just be dry ice fog inside that night, just to cover it up.

[54:47] Next, it's the final section, Time to Die.

[54:51] Brax and Jake finally have their showdown in the old temple's Brax Memorial Congregation

[54:56] Room, the Brax Community Center.

Stuart Wellington

[54:59] Which is right by the big portal.

[55:01] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[55:02] Which is not a portal now.

[55:03] It's just a stone circle thing.

[55:05] Stone circle, which will become a portal.

[55:06] Brax really kicks Jake's ass for a while.

[55:09] He is by far the least effective fighter against Brax up till this point.

[55:12] And it really does make you wonder why he is the chosen jiu-jitsu that Brax was so into.

[55:18] Brax is so thirsty to fight him.

[55:20] And he's just rushing his way through all the other fights.

[55:23] And when he finally gets to it, he's gotta be a disappointment.

[55:25] You gotta imagine.

Stuart Wellington

[55:26] Yeah, this is like a serious C-grade Scott Adkins type guy.

Dan McCoy

[55:30] I was gonna ask this lead, Stuart, have you seen him in other...

Stuart Wellington

[55:34] No, I looked him up and it looks like his main credits are like, are previous movies directed

[55:40] by the same director, like Kickboxer Revelations or something.

Elliott Kalan

[55:44] Kickboxer Vengeance and Kickboxer Retaliation.

[55:47] Thank you.

[55:48] Oh, my mistake.

[55:49] Man, I look like an asshole.

[55:51] Yeah, and you maybe recognize him as a...

[55:53] Oh, this is...

[55:53] He's a multiple Flophouse appearance guy.

[55:56] He was a stuntman in Immortals, White House Down, and Suicide Squad.

Dan McCoy

[56:03] So this is actually...

[56:04] Oh, wow.

Dan McCoy

[56:04] So this is actually...

[56:04] Uncredited gladiator in Pompeii.

[56:08] Oh, wow.

Elliott Kalan

[56:08] So this is actually like his sixth movie that the Flophouse is covering.

[56:11] Yeah, yeah.

[56:12] That's amazing.

[56:12] Wow.

[56:13] Oh, wow.

[56:13] I didn't...

[56:14] I had no idea until this moment that he was a Flophouse multi-guy.

[56:17] He was royalty.

[56:19] Yeah.

[56:20] Multi-guy.

[56:21] And so, yeah, he's Flophouse royalty.

[56:23] It's right up there with that...

[56:25] When we did that Nicolas Cage movie.

[56:26] Was that called Primal?

[56:27] The one where he's a hunter and there's that killer and the guy playing the killer...

[56:30] Prime Evil, I think.

[56:30] Prime Evil.

[56:31] And the guy playing the killer, that was like the sixth Flophouse movie he had been in.

[56:34] So the dream is possible.

[56:37] Actors out there, you may never get an EGOT, but you may get the coveted Flop Six.

[56:41] Yeah.

[56:41] That's when you've been in six Flophouse movies.

[56:43] We send you a ring in the shape of the number six.

[56:46] You cannot fit it on your finger because the ring part is very little or else you'd have

[56:50] like this huge thing sticking out of the side of it.

[56:54] You can't wear it either way.

[56:55] Anyway, keep reaching for the stars.

Jordan Morris

[56:57] You get a soy-gradulatory phone call from Gerard Butler.

[57:00] Yeah.

[57:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[57:01] The OG Flop Six.

[57:03] Yeah.

[57:03] I've been where you are and it's real exciting.

[57:05] Just don't lose sight of who you are.

[57:08] Yeah, that's the worst Scottish accent I've ever done in my life.

[57:10] Okay, anyway.

[57:11] So that's Gerard Butler calling.

[57:12] Guys, okay.

[57:14] This big fight's gone.

[57:15] Jake realizes, or actually I'm not sure if he realizes, but he kind of lucks into the

[57:19] fact that if he stands behind a flaming brazier that it messes with Brax's heat vision.

[57:25] And this is one of those things where-

Stuart Wellington

[57:26] How is this the first time they figured this out?

Elliott Kalan

[57:29] I, they, to be fair, up until this point, I don't think a lot of thought has been put

[57:33] into how Brax works among his fighters.

Jordan Morris

[57:36] Yeah.

[57:36] Yeah, the Brax rules just change wildly.

[57:39] Brax has a different set of weapons every fight.

[57:42] Like, yeah, there's, there's, there's, you don't try and figure out Brax, man.

[57:46] No, man.

[57:46] He's an enigma.

Elliott Kalan

[57:47] There's a reason there's no sitcom called Eight Simple Rules for Fighting by Brax.

[57:50] Right.

[57:50] It's just because you can't-

[57:51] Art!

[57:52] Because there are no rules.

[57:53] Yeah.

[57:53] It's because John Ritter passed away.

[57:55] That's why.

[57:55] Yeah, that's why.

[57:56] That's the main reason.

Dan McCoy

[57:56] It was an odd choice for Brax, since he didn't have any particular martial arts background.

Elliott Kalan

[58:01] I mean, look, if John Ritter approaches you, and you're an alien who only gets to be on

[58:05] Earth once every six years because of a comic, and says, do you want to do a show with me?

[58:09] Because I want to be in the Brax business.

[58:11] You go with it.

[58:11] John Ritter, come on.

[58:12] He's a legend.

[58:13] He's hilarious.

[58:14] Super nice guy, everybody says.

[58:16] A star of the hit movie, stay tuned.

[58:18] You can't, you don't say no to John Ritter.

[58:19] So of course Brax is going to go with that.

[58:21] Of course things didn't work out.

[58:22] But you can't blame Brax for that.

[58:25] This brings me to another issue I have with Brax, which is, much like the Predator or

[58:28] Yul Brynner in Westworld, he is a super intense assassin master whose eyesight is worse than

[58:35] my eyesight, and I have bad eyesight.

[58:37] Like, he only sees kind of like heat and the blurriest of forms.

[58:40] Makes you wonder how he's such a good fighter.

[58:42] Jordan, okay, let's say you're Brax.

[58:44] Okay.

[58:44] You can't see very well.

[58:45] He has an extreme stigmatism.

[58:47] He can only, or estigmatism, I should say.

[58:49] He can only see heat.

[58:51] How do you compensate for that and become such a great fighter?

[58:54] Oh, gosh.

Jordan Morris

[58:55] I mean, I guess you just, you hone those other senses, right?

Elliott Kalan

[58:57] I guess so.

[58:57] Maybe he studied with stick.

[58:59] That's what it is.

[58:59] Just like the young Matt Murdock did.

[59:01] Sure, sure.

Jordan Morris

[59:02] Yeah.

[59:02] Maybe Brax has been hunting by smell this whole time.

[59:05] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[59:06] Hunting by smell.

[59:07] The Brax story.

[59:08] Sure.

[59:09] Yeah.

[59:09] I think that begs the question.

[59:10] No, don't eat sardines around Brax.

[59:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:12] I mean, these guys are all super ripped, and they're working out all the time, and they're

[59:16] not, they don't have like sleeves to contain their smell.

[59:18] So like, it's gotta be like Onion City in there, man.

Elliott Kalan

[59:21] The pheromones are just leaking out of their armpits from those sleeves.

Jordan Morris

[59:24] I don't know if you've ever had Burmese food either, but it's a very pungent food.

Elliott Kalan

[59:27] Probably, yeah.

[59:28] Sure.

[59:28] I also just want to mention that hunting by smell sounds like Weird Al was trying to

[59:32] do a guided by voices parody, and he just wasn't there.

[59:34] He just couldn't figure it out.

Jordan Morris

[59:35] He's like, is guided by voices popular enough to parody?

Elliott Kalan

[59:38] He has a long list of names, and hunting by smell is one of them.

[59:41] Right.

[59:41] And he's like, I don't usually parody like the name of the band.

[59:44] What am I doing?

[59:45] Sure.

[59:46] You know what?

[59:46] I'll just do something off of the bad guy.

[59:48] I'll be the sad guy.

[59:50] Okay, great.

[59:50] And it's a Billie Eilish parody that's about the Steve Martin movie, The Lonely Guy.

[59:55] Great.

[59:56] Okay, perfect.

[59:56] Done.

[59:57] Al, can I pitch The Bad Pie?

[1:00:01] Actually, that's a better one.

[1:00:02] Yeah, okay.

[1:00:03] I'll go with it.

[1:00:04] Yeah, The Bad Pie.

[1:00:05] I'll give you a strong story by credit.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:09] Two episodes with a lot of Weird Al talk in them.

[1:00:12] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:12] The last one had a lot of Weird Al talk.

[1:00:13] Okay.

[1:00:14] So, anyway, they come up with a great plan to defeat Brax, which is break all the rules.

[1:00:20] The comet's passing.

[1:00:21] The portal opens.

[1:00:22] That's when Jake remembers Brax has to heal sometimes.

[1:00:25] He slashes him with a sword.

[1:00:26] Nunchucks Lady shoots him with an explosive dart.

[1:00:29] The interpreter tosses Jake a grenade, which he sticks into Brax's wound before it can heal.

[1:00:34] And then he kicks him into the portal just as the grenade explodes.

[1:00:37] Oh, yeah.

[1:00:37] They're just in time.

[1:00:38] The portal closes.

[1:00:39] Everyone is fine.

[1:00:41] And the Burmese fisherwoman, she says, Jake, you were born to do that and end a 2,000-year

[1:00:46] epoch, which is a new idea that has just been introduced into the movie.

[1:00:50] Yeah.

[1:00:50] That this is the end of, I guess, some sort of era of cosmic and mystical revelation.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:58] Yeah.

[1:00:59] It was hard to tell.

[1:01:00] Did the explosion in the portal, was it supposed to be that that destroyed the portal?

[1:01:06] Because there certainly was a very big fireball for a grenade.

[1:01:11] Yeah.

[1:01:11] Classic grenade.

[1:01:12] Not a typical grenade thing in general, but who knows?

[1:01:17] Who knows?

[1:01:17] It's Jiu-Jitsu Man.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:18] Yeah, I mean, I guess we're living in, what, 1AB after Brax?

[1:01:24] That's it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:24] That's how we have to number everything.

[1:01:25] I'm still writing AD on my checks, but I need to actually be writing AB on them.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:31] Terrible sitcom after Brax.

[1:01:34] What happens on that sitcom?

[1:01:36] Well, I mean, it's just, you know, they're peacefully living their lives near the temple.

[1:01:41] Remembering Brax fondly?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:42] I mean, it's kind of, most sitcoms don't take place in a world where an alien has to fight

[1:01:47] Jiu-Jitsu with everybody.

[1:01:48] So I guess...

Dan McCoy

[1:01:48] Take it up with the producers of after Brax.

[1:01:51] I don't know what your problem is.

[1:01:52] I guess so.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:53] It's in, like, in the Big Bang Theory, or Nurses, or Empty Nest, you don't suddenly

[1:01:56] have Brax show up and fight everybody.

[1:01:58] So, you know.

[1:01:59] Okay, and the interpreter starts joking around.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:01] I feel like of the three you mentioned, Empty Nest is the one that would, that Brax would

[1:02:05] fit in the best.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:06] You think so?

[1:02:07] Really?

[1:02:07] That him and Richard Mulligan would just be hanging out?

[1:02:09] Yeah.

[1:02:10] Or would they be fighting?

[1:02:11] A little bit of both.

[1:02:12] I mean, considering, okay, an old lady here jumps in with a shotgun to save everyone, save

[1:02:17] the day.

[1:02:18] Empty Nest, he lives across the street from the Golden Girls.

[1:02:20] You could totally see Dorothy just jumping in with a shotgun and blasting Brax away, making

[1:02:25] a joke about how much he reminds her of her ex-husband, and then leaving.

[1:02:29] Yeah.

[1:02:29] Mm-hmm.

Jordan Morris

[1:02:30] Yeah.

[1:02:30] Hey, I think we've all dated a Brax in our time, huh, fellas?

[1:02:33] You guys know it up.

[1:02:34] We've all dated a couple of Braxes.

[1:02:35] You can't always see their face because of vapor.

[1:02:37] Yeah.

[1:02:39] Unclear rules on how to kill them.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:41] Yeah, they're like, Brax, enough mind games.

[1:02:44] Just tell me what you need.

[1:02:45] Right.

[1:02:46] What are we, Brax?

[1:02:47] What are we?

Jordan Morris

[1:02:49] Yep.

[1:02:49] Are you just going to leave again for the next six years?

[1:02:50] Chasing me around the forest with a shuriken?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:52] You're chasing me with shurikens, and then when I need you to come with me to my grandma's

[1:02:56] funeral, you went through a portal to your home planet.

[1:02:59] Right.

[1:02:59] You're unreliable, Brax.

Jordan Morris

[1:03:00] You should conveniently show up every time the comet flies by.

[1:03:05] Mm-hmm.

[1:03:06] Ugh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:06] But when my biological clock is ticking, you're nowhere to be found.

Jordan Morris

[1:03:10] Maybe this is eight simple rules for dating Brax.

[1:03:12] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:12] Or after Brax, you know?

[1:03:14] Or before Brax.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:15] Anyway, so...

[1:03:16] Elliot's always talking about his biological clock on this show, Jordan.

[1:03:20] It's getting to be a little uncomfortable.

[1:03:22] Considering that you already have multiple children.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:24] I do, but my clock is really ticking.

[1:03:26] And my goal was to beat the Duggars and have 27 children.

[1:03:30] And I started late.

[1:03:31] So I really got to...

[1:03:32] If I don't have 10 children in the next two years and then seven the year after that,

[1:03:36] I am not going to meet my quota.

[1:03:37] Stu, Dan, would one of you guys knock him up already?

[1:03:41] Jesus Christ.

[1:03:42] Stick a baby in there, please.

[1:03:44] Yeah.

[1:03:44] Or 10 babies, preferably.

[1:03:46] So they call me Deca Mom.

[1:03:49] Anyway, there's 10 babies.

[1:03:50] So the interpreter toasts the portal as they all walk out and says, see you in six years.

[1:03:55] Because clearly he did not understand what the Burmese fisherwoman was saying.

[1:03:59] Yeah.

[1:03:59] Because she made it very clear Brax is not coming back.

[1:04:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:03] She...

[1:04:03] Well, no.

[1:04:04] But there was...

[1:04:05] Like, there were like...

[1:04:05] I think there was some debate.

[1:04:07] Like, he was like, so does that mean it's over?

[1:04:09] And it's like, who knows?

[1:04:11] Like, I guess now it's Crab Man's job to...

[1:04:13] Depends on how this one performs.

[1:04:15] ...watch over the world.

[1:04:17] I don't know.

[1:04:18] Hey, let's just do our final judgments.

[1:04:21] Whether this is a good, bad movie.

[1:04:22] A bad, bad movie.

[1:04:23] A movie we kind of liked.

[1:04:25] Okay.

[1:04:26] For about the first half, I will say it was a movie I kind of liked.

[1:04:30] I was like, oh, yeah.

[1:04:31] This is like...

[1:04:33] The cinematography rides a line between innovative and goofy as shit.

[1:04:40] And some of the fights are really fun.

[1:04:45] And then, like, I don't know.

[1:04:46] Like, there came a point where I'm like, how is there still 40 minutes in this movie?

[1:04:50] Like, it really felt like the movie was winding down and I just sort of lost steam.

[1:04:55] So...

[1:04:56] But it is fun to watch.

[1:04:58] Like, there's a lot of it that's very silly and Nicolas Cage is fun.

[1:05:01] And, you know, if you want to see a bunch of CGI, like, dust fly everywhere, I guess I'll say good, bad movie for me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:11] If you want to see CGI dust flying everywhere, it's either this or the Golden Compass.

[1:05:13] Those are the only two options.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:15] Yeah.

[1:05:15] Or old episodes of Buffy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:17] Yeah, yeah.

[1:05:18] Sure, sure.

[1:05:19] I'm going to say, I think this movie would have achieved...

[1:05:21] I really like Nicolas Cage in it.

[1:05:22] I feel like he brings a real verve to Wiley.

[1:05:25] Otherwise, I found it just very dull.

[1:05:28] I think I would have to call it a bad, bad movie.

[1:05:30] I think it would have found its best life as probably like a 15-minute YouTube movie.

[1:05:36] And then I would have been like, wow, that was some amazing fight choreography for this 15-minute YouTube movie.

[1:05:40] But as a movie movie, it didn't really hold my attention.

[1:05:46] Maybe if there was more variety with the fights.

[1:05:48] Maybe if Brax was a more charismatic villain.

[1:05:51] Maybe if Jake had more to him.

[1:05:54] Maybe if Tony Jaa was the star.

[1:05:55] I don't know.

[1:05:56] I can't tell you.

[1:05:56] We don't live in those alternate universes.

[1:05:58] But it didn't quite work for me.

[1:06:01] Stu, what do you say?

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:03] Yeah, I mean, so much of it is like a GoPro martial arts demo reel.

[1:06:11] Nicolas Cage does add some much-needed charisma to the film.

[1:06:16] And as somebody who consumes a fair amount of cheapo martial arts movies, I found this one to be pretty disappointing.

[1:06:25] I would say it straddles the line between a bad, bad, and a good, bad.

[1:06:30] And Nicolas Cage, I think, might edge it into good, bad territory.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:35] Okay.

[1:06:36] And Jordan, you're the deciding vote.

Jordan Morris

[1:06:38] Yeah.

[1:06:39] I think I'm aligned with Stu on this one.

[1:06:43] I have not seen as many of those kind of cheapy red box martial arts movies.

[1:06:49] But I have seen a few of the Universal Soldier sequels.

[1:06:52] Yeah.

[1:06:52] Which I think are a better version of this.

[1:06:55] Kind of just like fights for fight's sake.

[1:06:57] But they're very impressive.

[1:06:59] And the, you know, leads have a little more charisma.

[1:07:02] So I think if you're looking for kind of like, you know, just a fight soup to put on, those are probably better for that.

[1:07:11] But, yeah, I think this has enough goofiness.

[1:07:14] And, you know, it has that big Cage performance we all love.

[1:07:17] I think there's better examples of this, certainly.

[1:07:20] Yeah.

[1:07:20] You got your Drive Angries.

[1:07:21] You got your Moms and Dads.

[1:07:22] You got your Mandys.

[1:07:24] All of those kind of give you this flavor of Cage.

[1:07:27] But in a movie that's a little bit better.

[1:07:31] But, yeah, I don't know.

[1:07:32] I had fun with it.

[1:07:33] I had fun kind of watching it for the purpose of goofing on it for this podcast.

[1:07:38] So, yeah, I think I'll give it a slight good-bad.

[1:07:41] And definitely it gets points for being kind of an easy stream on Netflix as opposed to something you have to buy or rent.

[1:07:46] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:47] If you have Netflix, you might as well watch it because it's there.

[1:07:49] Yeah, it is there.

[1:07:51] Yeah.

[1:07:51] That's their business model.

[1:07:53] Netflix.

[1:07:54] Netflix.

[1:07:55] You're still subscribing to us.

[1:07:56] Listen, you're giving us the $10.

[1:07:58] You might as well.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:00] Do you guys ever see when they release, like, the list of, like, the 10 most popular or most watched movies on the list?

[1:08:05] It's always these movies I've not watched at all.

[1:08:07] They're all, like, the big action movies.

[1:08:09] Yeah.

[1:08:09] Except for, like, Old Guard, which is great.

[1:08:11] But all the other ones are like, what did Adam Sandler make?

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:14] Yeah, well, because a lot of that is also, like, people, I think, literally turn on Netflix and then just press play on whatever Netflix puts on display as, like, the ad on the main screen.

[1:08:23] So when Netflix is like, our algorithm looks at what you've watched and picks the perfect thing for you.

[1:08:29] It's like, really?

[1:08:29] Because it just always recommends whatever the big movie Netflix is pushing that week.

[1:08:33] Like, I don't know.

[1:08:34] There's nothing in my watch history that makes me think that the, what was it?

[1:08:38] The Crazy Eight?

[1:08:40] What was the Western that he did?

[1:08:41] The Goofy?

[1:08:42] Oh.

[1:08:42] Oh, the Ridiculous Six.

[1:08:43] Ridiculous.

[1:08:44] Something like that, yeah.

[1:08:45] Yeah.

[1:08:45] Like, or Ridiculous Seven.

[1:08:46] There's nothing in my watch history that makes me think I would want an Adam Sandler movie, but you're recommending it to me.

[1:08:50] So I think it's a lot.

[1:08:51] Or these, uh...

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:52] Yeah, you yearn for, like, an algorithm as tight and as personalized as your Pornhub algorithm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:59] I'm just saying, I try one thing once and then it sends me more of that thing, you know?

[1:09:04] And then, of course, it's a lot of QAnon stuff, which is exactly what I'm looking for.

[1:09:08] So...

[1:09:08] Sure.

[1:09:09] But it's QAnon porn, so...

[1:09:11] Sure.

[1:09:12] Where we come one, we come all.

[1:09:14] Yeah, that's what they say.

[1:09:16] One thing I will say about the Netflix put the movie on the top and how it autoplays its trailer is the trailers are built to tell you everything that happens in the movie.

[1:09:24] So there was that movie where there's an architectural dig, like, behind a house in England in the 1930s or something like that, or the 1940s.

[1:09:32] And my wife was like, this is exactly the kind of movie I would want to watch.

[1:09:36] And we watched the trailer for a few minutes and she's like, I think I just saw the movie.

[1:09:39] Like, they showed me all the plot points.

[1:09:41] So thank you, Netflix, for saving us that time.

[1:09:43] And thank you, Netflix, for bringing us Jiu-Jitsu.

[1:09:46] Jiu-Jitsu.

S5

[1:09:50] Prepare yourself for the greatest pro wrestling podcast spectacular known as Tights at Fight.

[1:09:57] A back-dropping audio showcase that helps you understand the world of pro wrestling with a lot of love and no toxic masculinity.

[1:10:06] Featuring host Danielle Radford.

S6

[1:10:08] Time to kick butt and chew gum.

[1:10:11] And I'm all out of butts.

S5

[1:10:12] Lindsay Cal.

S6

[1:10:14] I'm a brutal Brit and my fists were made to punch and hit.

S5

[1:10:18] And Hal Lublin.

[1:10:20] I was doing the voiceover this whole time.

S6

[1:10:22] Hear us talk about pro wrestling's greatest triumphs and failures.

[1:10:26] And make fun of its weekly absurdities.

Jordan Morris

[1:10:29] On the perfect wrestling podcast.

S5

[1:10:32] Tights at Fight.

[1:10:34] Every Saturday, Saturday, Saturday on Maximum Fun.

S6

[1:10:37] Hi, I'm Biz.

[1:10:40] And I'm Teresa.

[1:10:41] And we're the hosts of One Bad Mother.

[1:10:43] A podcast about parenting.

[1:10:45] Parenting is hard.

[1:10:47] And we have no advice.

[1:10:48] But we do see you doing it.

[1:10:51] Honk if you like to do it.

[1:10:53] What was...

[1:10:54] Didn't we have a bumper sticker a while back that was like, honk if you did it?

[1:10:58] That's what it was.

[1:10:59] I think it was honk if you're doing it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:02] Why did we not ever make them?

S6

[1:11:04] Those are a delight.

[1:11:05] We did make them.

[1:11:05] I think they're still in the Max Fun store.

[1:11:08] Honk, honk.

[1:11:09] You're doing it.

[1:11:11] Thanks, Biz.

[1:11:12] So are you.

[1:11:14] Each week, we'll be here to remind you that you're doing a good job.

[1:11:18] You can find us on MaximumFun.org.

[1:11:22] Honk, honk.

[1:11:23] Toot, toot.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:24] The Flophouse is sponsored in part by Storyblocks.

[1:11:29] Storyblocks helps you bring your stories to life without sacrificing your vision.

[1:11:35] Storyblocks' unlimited all-access plan gives you unlimited downloads of the over 1 million-plus assets in their library.

[1:11:42] Wow, 1 million-plus.

[1:11:44] You can try out multiple options quickly and find the perfect fit so you can create more and spend less.

[1:11:51] Stay on budget while telling the best version of your story with the most affordable subscription plans and tools on the market that scale to meet your needs.

[1:12:00] Restock is their commitment to increase representation in stock media by hiring creators from marginalized communities to create content that is more reflective of the diverse world we live in.

[1:12:12] I use Storyblocks.

[1:12:14] I found it very easy to use.

[1:12:16] A lot of very high-definition video of whatever weird thing came into my mind that I wanted to find.

[1:12:24] I thought it was great.

[1:12:25] Explore their library and subscribe today at storyblocks.com slash flop.

[1:12:30] That's storyblocks.com slash flop.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:35] Yeah, the Flop House is also sponsored in part by Green Chef.

[1:12:39] Now, Green Chef is the first USDA-certified organic meal kit company.

[1:12:44] makes eating well easy and affordable with plans to fit every lifestyle.

[1:12:49] Now, Green Chef is owned by HelloFresh, and I've used HelloFresh in the past.

[1:12:56] But by being a part of it, they now have a much larger variety of options to kind of fit whatever your diet or your dietary restrictions or whatever your lifestyle supports.

[1:13:09] I was excited to see that they have a carb-conscious as well as a keto option because I find that keto meal kits don't usually fit exactly what my wife and I like to eat.

[1:13:21] The ingredients all come pre-measured.

[1:13:23] They're perfectly portioned and prepped, so you don't actually have to spend that much time working on that.

[1:13:29] You mainly just put things together, and like a lot of – if you've used a meal kit company in the past, it's a great way to kind of expand your cooking experience

[1:13:40] and maybe learn some new things for when you're cooking at home.

[1:13:46] Recipes are quick and easy.

[1:13:48] There's step-by-step instructions, tips, and photos to guide you along.

[1:13:51] So just head over to greenchef.com slash flophouse100, all uppercase, flophouse100, and use code, once again, flophouse100,

[1:14:04] to get $100 off, including free shipping.

[1:14:07] That's crazy.

[1:14:09] That's greenchef.com slash flophouse100 to get $100 off.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:14] Now, is that 100 the number or 100 in the last?

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:16] 100 the number.

[1:14:17] My mistake for not being clear, flophouse all uppercase, 100 the numbers.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:23] Not a mistake.

[1:14:24] Merely an almost deadly oversight.

[1:14:27] And we do have a jumbotron as well.

[1:14:30] It's jumbotron time, everybody.

[1:14:32] This jumbotron comes to us from Mike Queller, and he says,

[1:14:36] The Weird Tales podcast provides weekly readings of weird fiction, Lovecraft, Arthur Machen, Clark Ashton Smith, et al.,

[1:14:42] horror, and very occasionally sci-fi.

[1:14:45] Shocktober provides for longer works with a chapter every day during the month.

[1:14:49] Search for The Weird Tales podcast in iTunes and subscribe.

[1:14:54] That sounds like fun to me.

[1:14:55] It sounds like classic weird tales from the masters of the genre.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:02] So, hey, sometimes people write us letters, and then we answer them on the show.

[1:15:09] And that's a segment that's, I don't know, called the Flophouse Mailbag, I guess.

[1:15:13] You can tell Dan loves it from the energy he's bringing to it.

[1:15:17] Hey, this one's from Kevin Lastening withheld.

[1:15:19] Whoa, hopefully not Sorbo.

[1:15:21] Oh, no, it is Sorbo, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:22] Hey, do you guys know God's Not Dead?

Jordan Morris

[1:15:25] Follow me on Twitter, you'll like me more.

[1:15:29] Hey, Flop.

[1:15:30] I hear you guys are making fun of me earlier in the show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:33] I can take a joke, I can take a joke.

[1:15:35] Just know that I'll snap your necks.

[1:15:36] I've still got those Hercules guns.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:40] And those are, by that I mean the guns I bought while I was working at Hercules.

[1:15:45] Uh-huh.

[1:15:45] That I used to shoot the Nemean Lion.

[1:15:47] Uh, hey, Floppers.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:49] How would guns help with the Nemean Lion?

[1:15:51] I guess if you shot him in the mouth.

[1:15:51] You shoot it in the eyeballs.

[1:15:53] Oh, in the eyeballs?

[1:15:54] Because it's the skin that's super tough.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:57] Yeah, well, what you do is you first, you show him a picture of something very shocking.

[1:16:01] The Nemean Lion opens its eyes super wide, and then you blast.

[1:16:05] Here's what you do.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:06] You take the Nemean Lion to see Red Hot Riding Hood performing at the nightclub.

[1:16:09] When he sees how sexy she is, his eyes will burst out of his head,

[1:16:12] and then he'll be so busy pounding the table as his tongue unravels

[1:16:15] that you can just take your time in destroying him.

[1:16:18] Works with the Hydra, too.

[1:16:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:24] Kevin writes,

[1:16:25] Hey, Floppers, I know it's become a popular cliche to complain that Hollywood

[1:16:28] doesn't have any original ideas anymore,

[1:16:31] even though I think people have probably been saying that

[1:16:34] since the concept of Hollywood became a thing.

[1:16:36] But as try as that sounds, I've been thinking lately about films

[1:16:39] that have potential to be good,

[1:16:41] but suffer too much from their connection to the source material.

[1:16:45] For example, pardon me,

[1:16:47] For example, I think I would have enjoyed the movie Joker a lot more if it had been the story of a failed comedian

[1:16:53] dealing with a murderous trauma-induced mental illness and didn't have to carry the burden of the Joker mythology.

[1:16:59] Or, in a different vein, I would have found The Greatest Showman more appealing

[1:17:03] as an ambitious musical about a fictional circus manager

[1:17:06] than a biopic about terrible human being P.T. Barnum.

[1:17:10] Plus, the creators could likely have made more interesting choices without them feeling out of place.

[1:17:15] I'm curious, do you all have movies that you wish had been disconnected from the larger stories that inspired them?

[1:17:21] Thanks for considering.

[1:17:23] Kevin, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:25] Well, I think I've gone on record before on either this or other podcasts

[1:17:28] in saying how I think Solo would have been a more enjoyable movie if it was not a Star Wars movie.

[1:17:33] Almost the same movie, but you take out Chewbacca and you just change the characters' names,

[1:17:38] and then it wouldn't have all the pressure of being...

[1:17:41] It's basically Ice Pirates, then.

[1:17:44] Go for it.

[1:17:45] Sure.

[1:17:45] Okay, sure, why not?

[1:17:47] Like, to see a big-budget, like, fun Ice Pirates, yeah, I'll go for it.

[1:17:51] Whereas, when you're watching Solo, you're like,

[1:17:53] okay, I have to see this because of Star Wars.

[1:17:56] Because, by law, I have to see all the Star Wars content.

[1:17:59] And, oh, this is...

[1:18:01] They really need to explain to me why Chewbacca's nickname is Chewie,

[1:18:04] or, like, why his last name is Solo.

[1:18:05] Like, I don't need that.

[1:18:06] So I think it wouldn't have gotten made if it was not a Star Wars movie,

[1:18:10] but I think it would have been a more enjoyable movie if it was not carrying that freight.

Jordan Morris

[1:18:14] I think you're totally right.

[1:18:16] I put on Solo the other day, and I'm like, this is kind of great.

[1:18:19] The callback stuff is really clunky, certainly, but, like...

[1:18:23] And, you know, kind of groany humor,

[1:18:25] but, like, everything that's not that in that movie is a blast.

[1:18:29] It's really fun, yeah.

[1:18:30] I feel like maybe Solo's under a bus unfairly,

[1:18:34] but that stuff is pretty cringy,

[1:18:36] so I understand how it kind of colored people's opinion at the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:39] And also, when they free all those droids,

[1:18:42] and the droids are like, we hate work, we hate work, we're free.

[1:18:45] Right.

[1:18:45] And you're like, oh, okay, so, like, all the other characters are slave owners.

[1:18:48] Oh, yeah, sure.

[1:18:49] Because, like, without that scene,

[1:18:51] then the rest of the Star Wars series does not feel like the droids are people

[1:18:56] who are basically against their will being forced to do jobs.

[1:19:00] So it's...

[1:19:00] And you don't get the implication that Lando is, like, in love with a droid,

[1:19:05] but then keeps her alive beyond death in his spaceship, which is weird.

[1:19:11] Like, if that...

Jordan Morris

[1:19:13] Oh, so you never fucked a spaceship, Elliot?

[1:19:15] Oh, okay.

[1:19:16] Yeah, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:16] So judgy.

[1:19:17] So fucking judgy.

[1:19:18] Well, you're right.

[1:19:19] I've done it many times, and as Stuart said,

[1:19:21] my porn algorithm is all spaceship scenes.

[1:19:24] Sure.

[1:19:24] But I think it's like...

[1:19:26] I like that more as something that a new character that is weird does

[1:19:30] than Billy Dee Williams, who I'm supposed to think is cool,

[1:19:33] if morally gray at times.

[1:19:35] Sure.

[1:19:35] You know.

[1:19:36] Yeah.

[1:19:36] What about you guys?

[1:19:37] Now that I picked the easiest one, what do you say?

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:39] Yeah, I mean, obviously, mine's Passion of the Christ.

[1:19:43] Dan, yours?

[1:19:46] If it was just about some dude just getting tortured, and it was...

[1:19:50] Some wizard getting tortured.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:56] Jeez.

[1:19:56] I don't...

[1:19:57] I mean, I don't really...

[1:19:59] Like, a lot of them are things like...

[1:20:03] Yeah, I think it's more tethered to...

[1:20:06] I think it's clear that I don't have a good answer for this,

[1:20:10] because I'm hemming and hawing,

[1:20:13] and as Elliot points out frequently,

[1:20:15] I've had the letters much longer than anyone else.

[1:20:20] But this is not exactly appropriate,

[1:20:24] but I remember watching...

[1:20:26] I watched for a podcast guest appearance recently.

[1:20:30] I re-watched The Secret of NEM.

[1:20:33] Uh, and...

[1:20:34] This is not exactly the same thing,

[1:20:37] but I think I could accept the weird, like, magic stuff

[1:20:40] that gets shoehorned into the movie better

[1:20:44] if I didn't know that the source material doesn't have it.

[1:20:47] Like, it's such an unnecessary addition to the film

[1:20:50] that just is in there,

[1:20:51] because, you know, Don Bluth's like,

[1:20:53] this is an animated movie, it's gotta have magic.

[1:20:55] But, uh, it should just be a sci-fi story.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:58] In the book, Nicodemus doesn't have, like,

[1:20:59] a magic viewing lens that he can see things with,

[1:21:02] and things like that.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:02] Yes, which also appears to be electrical,

[1:21:05] so it's hard to say this, like,

[1:21:07] weird magic hybrid thing that he's looking through.

[1:21:10] Love it.

[1:21:10] Yeah.

[1:21:11] Love it.

[1:21:12] No faults for me.

[1:21:13] It's a beautiful movie.

[1:21:14] I love it, but, uh...

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:16] I mean, Don Bluth is...

[1:21:17] And this is my hot take on Don Bluth,

[1:21:20] is that Don Bluth was a great animator,

[1:21:22] not necessarily a great storyteller.

[1:21:24] Like, not a guy who really fully understood story,

[1:21:28] but his animation is,

[1:21:30] when he gets the budget that he needs,

[1:21:31] is beautiful.

[1:21:32] You know, there's a reason he felt comfortable

[1:21:33] leaving Disney and starting his own company, you know?

Jordan Morris

[1:21:36] You know what's fun to...

[1:21:37] More fun to watch on YouTube

[1:21:39] is a playthrough of Dragon's Lair.

[1:21:42] Sure.

[1:21:42] And Dragon's Lair 2.

[1:21:44] Those, I mean, cold take,

[1:21:45] those games fucking suck,

[1:21:47] and we're frustrating,

[1:21:47] and we're just like,

[1:21:48] quarter sucks in the arcade.

[1:21:51] But, like...

[1:21:52] They're gorgeous.

[1:21:54] They're gorgeous.

[1:21:55] They're gorgeous, yeah.

[1:21:55] Put on fucking Dragon's Lair on YouTube

[1:21:57] and just, like, enjoy some visuals.

[1:22:00] Mm-hmm.

[1:22:01] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:02] Mm-hmm.

[1:22:03] And maybe, like,

Jordan Morris

[1:22:03] an upsettingly scantily clad princess

[1:22:06] that maybe shouldn't have been so scantily clad

[1:22:08] considering it was a game for kids.

[1:22:10] But, you know...

[1:22:10] Hey, look, I...

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:11] But if a kid gets that fucking far in the game,

[1:22:14] that kid's a grown-up.

Jordan Morris

[1:22:15] Let him see some cleavage.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:17] God damn it.

[1:22:18] He put in 18 bucks.

[1:22:20] Don Bluth was like,

[1:22:21] no kid's ever gonna get this far.

[1:22:22] Don't worry about it.

[1:22:23] This is nude from a certain point on.

[1:22:25] Yeah.

[1:22:25] The knights are wearing clothes, you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:27] Gotta learn about princesses somewhere.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:29] Yeah, Return of the Jedi, Dan.

[1:22:31] That's the place to learn about princesses

[1:22:32] not wearing enough clothes.

[1:22:34] Return of the Jedi.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:34] This is from a listener named Kelly,

[1:22:39] who writes...

[1:22:40] Kelly Ripa.

[1:22:41] Hey, Peaches.

[1:22:42] Kapowski.

[1:22:43] Inspired by your prequel mini.

[1:22:44] Kelly Ripa Kapowski.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:45] Ripa was her maiden name,

[1:22:46] and Kapowski is her married name.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:48] Inspired by your prequel mini,

[1:22:50] and a recent Indiana Jones binge,

[1:22:53] I'm thinking about the unnecessary explanation

[1:22:55] of character traits that happens in prequels.

[1:22:58] Specific to Andy,

[1:22:59] I feel like having a snake phobia

[1:23:01] with no actual qualifying event makes sense.

[1:23:04] I'm terrified of spiders

[1:23:06] and have never had an actual scary

[1:23:07] or bad encounter with one,

[1:23:09] as an example.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:10] He also could have just seen a hat

[1:23:12] and a leather jacket in a store

[1:23:13] and been like,

[1:23:13] that would look cool on me,

[1:23:15] and bought that.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:17] So my question for the letter,

[1:23:19] what aspect of your personality

[1:23:20] would you like to have,

[1:23:22] would have an unnecessary prequel explanation?

[1:23:25] Not to do Elliot's work for him,

[1:23:27] but like,

[1:23:27] I don't see the need for a prequel scene

[1:23:29] establishing why he loves Popeyes,

[1:23:31] but that works as an example for me.

[1:23:34] Say my name, Kelly.

Jordan Morris

[1:23:35] I think I would love to see an explanation

[1:23:44] as to why I have my famous eczema.

[1:23:47] Famous.

[1:23:48] Yeah.

[1:23:48] I'm very famous for my eczema.

[1:23:50] Your trademark eczema, yeah.

[1:23:51] And I don't know,

[1:23:52] how did it happen?

[1:23:54] Did I get into an accident

[1:23:56] at a dry skin factory when I was a kid?

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:59] But you can't say it hasn't worked out for you.

[1:24:01] I mean,

[1:24:01] all those ads you do for the egg council

[1:24:03] where it says,

[1:24:03] can't spell eczema without eggs,

[1:24:05] and you're holding an egg

[1:24:06] and your skin is all blotchy and everything.

[1:24:07] Oh, I've made millions on this.

[1:24:11] It's put the kids you don't have through college.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:13] Yeah,

[1:24:14] if you're looking for like a classic,

[1:24:15] unnecessary one,

[1:24:17] then I think you can't do better

[1:24:18] than like being like,

[1:24:19] let's explain why Dan likes butts.

[1:24:21] I mean,

[1:24:22] he is,

[1:24:22] he is a heterosexual man

[1:24:26] who is attracted to a secondary sex characteristic,

[1:24:29] that many other heterosexual men

[1:24:32] are attracted to,

[1:24:33] women's butts.

[1:24:34] I mean,

[1:24:34] men's butts also,

[1:24:37] fine,

[1:24:37] a fine choice.

[1:24:40] But,

[1:24:40] but yeah,

[1:24:41] it would be funny if-

Dan McCoy

[1:24:41] Maybe like when you were a kid,

Jordan Morris

[1:24:42] a butt pulled you out of a raging river.

[1:24:44] Exactly.

[1:24:45] I was going to say,

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:46] save him from drowning.

[1:24:47] Yay!

Jordan Morris

[1:24:48] Or from a fire.

[1:24:49] It gave him mouth to butt resuscitation.

[1:24:52] Oh, wow.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:52] And so,

[1:24:52] now I see it all

[1:24:53] because it's Dan's eye view.

[1:24:54] It's all,

[1:24:54] it's black,

[1:24:55] but then it's all blurry.

[1:24:56] And,

[1:24:56] and slowly the butt comes into focus

[1:24:58] and Dan is just like,

[1:25:00] what?

[1:25:01] Huh?

[1:25:01] But then the butt,

[1:25:02] there's a,

[1:25:03] there's a dog barking

[1:25:04] because the butt is running

[1:25:05] from the federal marshals

[1:25:06] and the butt says,

[1:25:08] gotta go

[1:25:08] and runs away.

[1:25:09] And Dan is just like,

[1:25:10] what was that?

[1:25:11] Did I dream it?

[1:25:12] We are,

[1:25:12] we are getting into Ace Ventura territory here.

[1:25:14] I guess you're right.

[1:25:16] The federal marshals stop,

[1:25:17] they go,

[1:25:18] kid,

[1:25:18] did it hurt you?

[1:25:19] Did it hurt you?

[1:25:19] And he,

[1:25:19] and he go,

[1:25:20] no,

[1:25:20] it saved my life.

[1:25:20] What was it?

[1:25:21] And they go,

[1:25:21] it was a butt.

[1:25:22] And he goes,

[1:25:23] really?

Jordan Morris

[1:25:24] Take me home,

[1:25:26] officer mix a lot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:29] Yeah,

[1:25:30] obviously for me,

[1:25:31] it would be my award winning dimples

[1:25:32] and like,

[1:25:33] maybe like,

[1:25:34] uh,

[1:25:34] like somebody like,

[1:25:35] I forgot when you swept the dimpies.

[1:25:38] Yeah.

[1:25:39] And,

[1:25:40] uh,

[1:25:40] yeah,

[1:25:40] like some,

[1:25:41] like when I was born,

[1:25:42] a doctor like,

[1:25:43] like poked me with calipers or something

[1:25:45] to measure the circumference of my head.

[1:25:48] And then a doctor was eating at the,

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:49] at the same time he was delivering you

[1:25:50] and accidentally picked you up with chopsticks

[1:25:52] and left it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:53] Yeah.

[1:25:53] That makes a lot of sense,

[1:25:54] actually.

[1:25:56] Yeah.

[1:25:57] Good stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:58] Yeah.

[1:25:58] I think for me,

[1:25:58] it would probably be my height.

[1:26:00] Uh,

[1:26:00] maybe there was like,

[1:26:01] like puck from alpha flight.

[1:26:02] Maybe I was a normal size human

[1:26:04] who some kind of magical,

[1:26:05] curse was put on me.

[1:26:06] That made me less than average height.

[1:26:08] I think that could be it.

[1:26:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:10] Uh huh.

[1:26:10] I like this magical realist take

[1:26:12] on the flop house podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:16] Get,

[1:26:16] get me,

[1:26:17] get Marquez on the phone.

[1:26:18] He can finally write that flop house novel

[1:26:20] he's been begging us for all this time.

[1:26:22] Yeah.

[1:26:23] Finally.

[1:26:23] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:25] Um,

[1:26:25] Hey,

[1:26:26] let's move on to recommendations

[1:26:28] of movies that you probably should watch

[1:26:31] instead of this.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:32] Put on after jujitsu.

[1:26:34] You know,

[1:26:35] put it on stead.

[1:26:37] Um,

[1:26:39] Dan's just pulling up the old letter box.

[1:26:40] I am.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:42] Shut up.

[1:26:43] Dan,

[1:26:43] do you want one of us to do it

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:45] while you're looking at your next,

[1:26:47] uh,

[1:26:47] movies?

[1:26:48] Sure.

[1:26:48] Stuart,

[1:26:49] why don't you go?

[1:26:49] Yeah.

[1:26:50] I'm going to recommend another thing

[1:26:51] you can watch on Netflix.

[1:26:52] I'm actually going to recommend

[1:26:53] three things you can watch on Netflix.

[1:26:55] I'm going to recommend

[1:26:55] the fear street trilogy

[1:26:57] that just went up there.

[1:26:58] It's three horror movies,

[1:26:59] uh,

[1:27:00] based on a series of books

[1:27:01] by Mr.

[1:27:02] R L Stein,

[1:27:03] Reginald Lincoln Stein.

[1:27:06] Uh,

[1:27:06] they are kind of like slashery movies

[1:27:10] and there's some supernatural elements

[1:27:12] and they have a ton of fucking needle drops.

[1:27:16] Uh,

[1:27:16] so if you want to hear music

[1:27:17] from,

[1:27:18] uh,

[1:27:18] 1994 and the seventies,

[1:27:21] you are going to get a ton of those,

[1:27:22] but I found them to be a lot of fun.

[1:27:24] Uh,

[1:27:24] they,

[1:27:25] it was probably the most like fun I've had

[1:27:28] with a kind of a,

[1:27:29] uh,

[1:27:29] take on slasher,

[1:27:30] uh,

[1:27:32] slasher films in like a super long time.

[1:27:34] It doesn't feel like beholden

[1:27:35] to some like the grosser conventions

[1:27:37] of slasher movies.

[1:27:38] Except the most fun you've had

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:39] since the hit comic book series

[1:27:41] Maniac of New York

[1:27:42] written by Elliot Kalin.

[1:27:44] Yeah.

[1:27:44] Which obviously

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:47] buttered me up

[1:27:48] and got me excited

[1:27:49] about slasher stuff again.

[1:27:51] Um,

[1:27:52] and like Maniac of New York,

[1:27:54] it,

[1:27:54] uh,

[1:27:55] it is much,

[1:27:56] it's more fun

[1:27:57] than just the slasher stuff

[1:27:59] that it is,

[1:28:00] uh,

[1:28:00] you know,

[1:28:01] it is referencing.

[1:28:02] It's great.

[1:28:03] It's a lot of fun

[1:28:03] and it's also super gory.

[1:28:05] I mean,

[1:28:05] this chick,

[1:28:06] oh man,

[1:28:06] there's a bread slicer part.

[1:28:08] It's so fucking gross.

[1:28:09] It's awesome.

[1:28:09] Thumbs up.

[1:28:10] Uh,

[1:28:11] wait,

[1:28:11] does the thumb get cut off?

[1:28:13] No,

[1:28:13] I'm not spoiling it.

[1:28:14] I just already said

[1:28:15] bread slicer part.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:16] Yeah,

[1:28:16] don't spoil it.

[1:28:17] It does.

[1:28:17] Yeah,

[1:28:17] it sounds horrifying already.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:19] I had Stu go first

[1:28:20] just to make sure

[1:28:21] he wasn't going to recommend,

[1:28:22] uh,

[1:28:23] what I was thinking about recommending,

[1:28:24] uh,

[1:28:25] because we went out

[1:28:26] and we saw the movie together.

[1:28:28] We had a,

[1:28:29] we had a movie date,

[1:28:30] we went to the film forum

[1:28:31] and we saw Blue Collar,

[1:28:34] the film from,

[1:28:36] uh,

[1:28:36] 1978,

[1:28:37] directed by,

[1:28:38] and written by Paul Schrader.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:40] Yeah,

[1:28:40] director of Heartbeeps,

[1:28:41] right?

Dan McCoy

[1:28:41] Yep,

[1:28:42] yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:42] He went,

[1:28:43] he came right off of that

[1:28:44] to Heartbeeps.

[1:28:45] Blue,

[1:28:46] they saw Blue,

[1:28:47] Andy Kaufman saw,

[1:28:48] Andy,

[1:28:48] saw Blue Collar

[1:28:49] and said,

[1:28:50] get me that man.

[1:28:51] He's making my robot love comedy.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:54] But,

[1:28:54] but,

[1:28:54] uh,

[1:28:55] a terrific cast.

[1:28:57] You got,

[1:28:57] um,

[1:28:58] you got Yafit Kodo,

[1:28:59] you got Harvey Keitel,

[1:29:01] you got Richard Pryor.

[1:29:03] Probably,

[1:29:03] I would say,

[1:29:04] the,

[1:29:05] the best performance

[1:29:06] from Richard Pryor

[1:29:07] we got to have.

[1:29:08] Like,

[1:29:09] he's so good in this

[1:29:10] that you sort of wish

[1:29:11] that other people

[1:29:12] had used him as well,

[1:29:14] but he was,

[1:29:15] uh,

[1:29:15] unfortunately kind of ill-served

[1:29:16] in a lot of his movies.

[1:29:18] But,

[1:29:18] uh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:18] And I learned two things

[1:29:19] that Richard Pryor

[1:29:20] without a mustache

[1:29:21] looks a little weird.

[1:29:22] And Harvey Keitel

[1:29:23] was fucking ripped,

[1:29:25] dude.

[1:29:25] Yeah,

[1:29:25] he was.

[1:29:25] And he wears these,

[1:29:26] like,

[1:29:27] all the clothes in the movie

[1:29:28] are amazing.

[1:29:28] But he wears this fucking

[1:29:29] Big Mac t-shirt

[1:29:30] that,

[1:29:31] like,

[1:29:31] I would kill for.

[1:29:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:34] Um,

[1:29:34] yeah,

[1:29:35] it is a movie

[1:29:36] that is,

[1:29:37] uh,

[1:29:37] a polemic,

[1:29:39] basically,

[1:29:39] about how,

[1:29:40] um,

[1:29:41] you know,

[1:29:41] capitalism

[1:29:42] screws the worker.

[1:29:44] But,

[1:29:46] yeah,

[1:29:46] for,

[1:29:47] for all that.

[1:29:48] Luckily,

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:48] it's a real period piece.

[1:29:49] It's no longer relevant.

[1:29:49] Yeah.

[1:29:50] It's like nine to five

[1:29:52] like that.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:52] But for all that,

[1:29:53] it is like,

[1:29:54] for,

[1:29:54] uh,

[1:29:55] being so overtly,

[1:29:57] um,

[1:29:58] political and having such a,

[1:29:59] like,

[1:30:00] clear moral that's basically

[1:30:02] literally stated at the end

[1:30:03] of the movie,

[1:30:03] it is also very suspenseful

[1:30:06] and very funny

[1:30:07] and very full of life.

[1:30:09] So,

[1:30:09] uh,

[1:30:09] Blue Collar is,

[1:30:11] is great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:11] Blue Collar is a great movie.

[1:30:13] even though,

[1:30:13] I was just thinking about

[1:30:14] the other day

[1:30:14] because there's a scene

[1:30:15] where Harvey Cattell

[1:30:17] is going to bed

[1:30:17] and he's like,

[1:30:18] oh,

[1:30:18] I've got to go check

[1:30:19] something at work

[1:30:20] and he leaves

[1:30:20] and has an all night party

[1:30:22] with Yafit Kodo

[1:30:22] and Richard Pryor

[1:30:23] that doesn't want his wife

[1:30:24] to know about

[1:30:24] and then he goes home

[1:30:25] in the morning

[1:30:26] and I,

[1:30:26] and I just think about it

[1:30:27] being like,

[1:30:28] he must be so exhausted

[1:30:29] the whole next day.

[1:30:31] Yeah.

[1:30:31] He got no sleep

[1:30:32] at all

[1:30:32] and now he's gonna go

[1:30:33] work in a,

[1:30:34] like a factory,

[1:30:35] like a car factory.

[1:30:37] Cocaine.

[1:30:38] Two coffees.

[1:30:39] Yeah,

[1:30:39] yeah,

[1:30:39] he's gonna have

[1:30:39] so much coffee,

[1:30:40] how much soda

[1:30:41] is he gonna drink?

[1:30:42] But anyway,

[1:30:42] it just,

[1:30:42] it was one thing

[1:30:43] where I was like,

[1:30:44] only in the movies

[1:30:45] because the idea

[1:30:45] of going without

[1:30:46] the few hours of sleep

[1:30:47] I get would be

[1:30:48] just for the purpose

[1:30:49] of having a,

[1:30:49] an orgy with my friends

[1:30:51] would be,

[1:30:52] I'm sorry,

[1:30:52] I'm gonna say no,

[1:30:53] I need the sleep.

[1:30:54] Yeah,

[1:30:55] like Elliot in his 20s,

[1:30:56] he would say yes up.

[1:30:56] Elliot's out for the orgy

[1:30:57] it sounds like.

Jordan Morris

[1:30:58] I guess it's just us.

[1:31:00] It'll just be us

[1:31:00] doing some mouth-to-butt

[1:31:02] recetization.

[1:31:02] Well,

[1:31:03] tell me about it,

[1:31:03] I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:08] This is the name

[1:31:08] with a Nicolas Cage movie

[1:31:09] since this is

[1:31:10] Cages in July,

[1:31:10] but it is not

[1:31:11] a Nicolas Cage movie.

[1:31:12] That's right,

[1:31:13] Season of the Witch,

[1:31:14] not the Nicolas Cage one

[1:31:15] that we did

[1:31:16] on the Flophouse

[1:31:16] years ago.

[1:31:17] This is Season of the Witch,

[1:31:18] also known

[1:31:19] in some places

[1:31:21] under the title

[1:31:22] Hungry Wives,

[1:31:23] not to be confused

[1:31:23] with Hungry Eyes,

[1:31:24] the song.

[1:31:25] And this is a

[1:31:26] George Romero movie

[1:31:27] from 1973.

[1:31:29] For a second,

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:29] I thought you had gotten

[1:31:30] to see an early screening

[1:31:31] of Snake Eyes,

[1:31:32] which is also a movie

[1:31:34] that shares the name

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:35] of the Nicolas Cage movie.

[1:31:37] Because you know

[1:31:39] I love those

[1:31:39] G.I. Joe spinoffs.

[1:31:42] So,

[1:31:43] Season of the Witch

[1:31:43] is a George Romero movie

[1:31:45] and it's ostensibly

[1:31:47] a horror movie,

[1:31:48] but the horror in it

[1:31:49] is more about

[1:31:50] the suffocating

[1:31:51] lack of satisfaction

[1:31:53] that comes with

[1:31:53] being a housewife

[1:31:54] in the 1970s.

[1:31:56] This woman

[1:31:57] who has a teenage daughter

[1:31:58] and a husband

[1:31:59] who does not pay

[1:31:59] attention to her,

[1:32:00] she finds that

[1:32:01] her life has become

[1:32:01] kind of empty

[1:32:02] and meaningless

[1:32:03] and she's having

[1:32:04] nightmares

[1:32:05] and eventually finds

[1:32:07] herself

[1:32:07] in dabbling

[1:32:08] in witchcraft

[1:32:09] and becoming a witch,

[1:32:11] joining a local coven.

[1:32:13] And I thought

[1:32:13] it was really great.

[1:32:14] The horror stuff

[1:32:16] really takes a backseat,

[1:32:18] but it still has

[1:32:19] this feeling

[1:32:20] of kind of like

[1:32:20] dread and ominous

[1:32:22] tension to it.

[1:32:24] Not all the acting

[1:32:25] is amazing,

[1:32:25] that's fine,

[1:32:26] but the movie

[1:32:27] was kind of like,

[1:32:29] I started thinking

[1:32:30] about it almost

[1:32:30] as a prequel

[1:32:31] to Hereditary.

[1:32:32] like this is the story

[1:32:33] of the mom

[1:32:33] who has died

[1:32:34] before Hereditary starts

[1:32:36] and like how a woman

[1:32:37] like that

[1:32:38] gets into witchcraft

[1:32:39] because she needs it

[1:32:41] in her life,

[1:32:41] you know,

[1:32:41] basically.

[1:32:42] And so I really

[1:32:43] enjoyed it

[1:32:44] and it's called

[1:32:44] Season of the Witch.

[1:32:46] But it's again,

[1:32:47] not the one

[1:32:47] with Nicolas Cage.

[1:32:49] It's the one

[1:32:49] from the 70s

[1:32:50] with Jan White.

[1:32:51] Jordan?

Jordan Morris

[1:32:53] Yeah,

[1:32:53] so I saw a movie

[1:32:55] called Let Him Go.

[1:32:57] This is Diane Lane

[1:32:58] and Kevin Costner.

[1:33:00] This was released last year.

[1:33:02] It was kind of

[1:33:02] one of those

[1:33:03] COVID dumps

[1:33:05] to streaming.

[1:33:07] So it kind of got

[1:33:08] lost in the shuffle.

[1:33:09] It is now on HBO.

[1:33:11] It is terrific.

[1:33:13] One of the best

[1:33:15] kind of recent movies

[1:33:16] I've seen in a long time.

[1:33:18] It starts out,

[1:33:19] it is a,

[1:33:20] it is the story

[1:33:22] of a husband and wife

[1:33:23] who,

[1:33:24] this is kind of

[1:33:24] happens in the first

[1:33:25] couple minutes of the movie.

[1:33:26] They experience a loss

[1:33:27] and the first half

[1:33:28] of the movie

[1:33:29] is like them

[1:33:29] dealing with the loss.

[1:33:31] It is very like,

[1:33:33] you know,

[1:33:34] high drama.

[1:33:35] It is not genre.

[1:33:36] It is just like,

[1:33:37] it plays like a movie

[1:33:38] that would win

[1:33:39] an Oscar in 1996.

[1:33:40] Like,

[1:33:41] it is just like

[1:33:41] a sad older couple

[1:33:43] dealing with mortality

[1:33:44] and then

[1:33:45] it turns into

[1:33:46] the classiest

[1:33:47] fucking Taken movie

[1:33:48] you've ever seen.

[1:33:49] Like,

[1:33:50] it just pivots

[1:33:51] into being a thriller.

[1:33:52] And it is so tense

[1:33:54] and so terrifying.

[1:33:56] And then it has this

[1:33:57] very like,

[1:33:59] action-packed,

[1:34:01] you know,

[1:34:02] the kind of final,

[1:34:03] you know,

[1:34:04] final act.

[1:34:05] And it kind of like,

[1:34:06] gets campy in a way.

[1:34:08] Like,

[1:34:08] it gets campy

[1:34:09] in this really fun way.

[1:34:10] So you kind of

[1:34:11] start out,

[1:34:12] you know,

[1:34:13] in this world

[1:34:14] of very like,

[1:34:15] straight-laced drama.

[1:34:16] And it just takes you

[1:34:17] on a ride.

[1:34:18] And it has a bunch

[1:34:18] of cool stuff.

[1:34:19] I won't spoil

[1:34:20] too much of it.

[1:34:21] I think it's maybe

[1:34:22] best to go in

[1:34:22] kind of cold,

[1:34:24] but just know

[1:34:24] that you're in

[1:34:25] for a real genre ride.

[1:34:28] And yeah,

[1:34:29] it's terrific.

[1:34:29] I really loved it.

[1:34:30] It's called

[1:34:30] Let Him Go

[1:34:31] and you can watch it

[1:34:32] on the HBO.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:33] Let Him Go

[1:34:34] on HBO.

[1:34:35] Yeah,

[1:34:35] I remember,

[1:34:36] I had forgotten

[1:34:36] about that movie.

[1:34:37] I haven't seen it,

[1:34:37] but I remember hearing

[1:34:38] that it was good

[1:34:38] when it came out originally.

[1:34:40] Yeah,

[1:34:40] I'd like to watch that.

Jordan Morris

[1:34:42] So I guess thanks

[1:34:43] for inviting me

[1:34:44] to watch it with you.

[1:34:45] Oh,

Jordan Morris

[1:34:45] I'm sorry,

[1:34:46] Elliot.

[1:34:46] Do you want to come over

[1:34:47] tonight?

[1:34:47] I'm watching Bloodshot.

[1:34:48] I'm doing the dumps

[1:34:51] to streaming movies

[1:34:51] of 2020.

[1:34:52] Maybe not that one.

[1:34:54] All right,

[1:34:54] I'll call you

[1:34:55] for Trolls World Tour.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:56] Okay.

[1:34:58] Jordan,

[1:34:59] thanks.

[1:34:59] Oh,

[1:34:59] yeah,

[1:34:59] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:00] Oh,

[1:35:01] I just,

[1:35:01] Trolls World Tour,

[1:35:03] wonderful to watch Stone,

[1:35:04] first of all.

[1:35:05] Number two,

[1:35:05] Let Him Go.

[1:35:07] I've definitely

[1:35:08] like scrolled by it

[1:35:09] and thought,

[1:35:10] maybe?

[1:35:11] And now you've pushed

[1:35:12] that over to a yes,

[1:35:13] but also,

[1:35:14] I was going to

[1:35:15] thank you

[1:35:16] as Elliot was about

[1:35:17] to thank you,

[1:35:18] but I also wanted to,

[1:35:19] like,

[1:35:19] I know you're here

[1:35:20] in part to promote Bubble

[1:35:21] and I want to tell you

[1:35:22] the fuller version

[1:35:23] of the story

[1:35:24] that I told you

[1:35:24] over text.

[1:35:25] I was like,

[1:35:25] I'll save this

[1:35:26] because this is good

[1:35:28] podcast and content.

[1:35:29] Okay,

[1:35:29] we're all warmed up,

[1:35:30] Dan.

[1:35:31] No,

[1:35:32] I,

[1:35:33] so I recently

[1:35:34] went back.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:34] This is a new segment

[1:35:35] of the show called

[1:35:36] Dan's Continues

[1:35:37] a personal conversation

[1:35:38] on air.

Jordan Morris

[1:35:39] Oh,

[1:35:39] I thought you were

[1:35:40] going to tell the story

[1:35:41] of that Wikipedia chunk

[1:35:43] you sent us

[1:35:43] where it stop sizes

[1:35:45] this movie

[1:35:46] and says that the hero

[1:35:47] fights with his limbs.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:49] Yeah,

[1:35:50] read,

[1:35:50] the whole Wikipedia

[1:35:51] summary for Jiu-Jitsu

[1:35:53] is written

[1:35:53] in a wild fashion,

[1:35:56] but no,

[1:35:57] I was going to say

[1:35:57] that I know you're here

[1:35:59] in part to promote

[1:36:00] Bubble,

[1:36:01] your graphic novel

[1:36:03] that you wrote,

[1:36:04] but I recently

[1:36:05] Based on the hit

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:06] Max Fun podcast

[1:36:08] of the same name.

[1:36:09] Yes.

[1:36:09] Listen to it

[1:36:09] wherever you get

[1:36:10] your podcasts

[1:36:11] and also buy Bubble

[1:36:11] in bookstores now.

[1:36:13] Yes,

[1:36:13] exactly.

[1:36:14] And also

Jordan Morris

[1:36:16] while you're at the bookstore.

[1:36:18] And while you're

[1:36:18] at the bookstore,

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:19] why not take a look at,

[1:36:20] let me read some blurbs,

[1:36:21] hold on a second.

[1:36:22] No,

[1:36:23] Bubble,

[1:36:23] Bubble is a great show.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:26] When you're done

[1:36:27] at the bookstore,

[1:36:28] go to maybe

[1:36:28] Hinterland's Bar

[1:36:29] or Minnie's Bar,

[1:36:30] you know,

[1:36:31] buy the most expensive options.

[1:36:32] Get on a plane,

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:33] head over there,

[1:36:34] yeah.

[1:36:35] But Bubble,

[1:36:35] I was a big fan

[1:36:36] of the podcast.

[1:36:37] I have not read

[1:36:38] the graphic novel yet,

[1:36:38] but I'm really excited

[1:36:39] to do so.

[1:36:40] Yeah,

[1:36:41] everyone should go

[1:36:41] pick it up.

[1:36:42] Yeah,

[1:36:42] thank you.

[1:36:43] Don't just pick it up.

[1:36:43] Take it to the register,

[1:36:45] hand them money for it,

[1:36:46] and then take it home with you.

Jordan Morris

[1:36:47] But make sure

[1:36:47] it's enough money

[1:36:48] to cover the cost

[1:36:49] of the book.

[1:36:49] Don't just hand them

[1:36:51] two or three dollars.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:52] Good point.

[1:36:52] Or like monopoly money.

[1:36:54] They're not going to accept that.

[1:36:55] And if you give them 100,

[1:36:56] get your change.

Jordan Morris

[1:36:58] Make sure to open.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:59] Get the extra back.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:01] Guys,

[1:37:02] my anecdote is...

[1:37:02] Make sure to open the door

[1:37:03] or you won't be able

[1:37:04] to leave the bookstore.

[1:37:05] Listen,

[1:37:06] I'll say...

[1:37:06] Listen,

[1:37:07] I want to,

Jordan Morris

[1:37:07] Dan,

[1:37:08] do the anecdote

[1:37:09] and then I'll say

[1:37:09] the premise of the book

[1:37:10] and then we can do

[1:37:11] whatever else you do

[1:37:12] on the podcast.

[1:37:13] Yeah,

[1:37:13] no,

[1:37:13] Dan is...

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:14] Now I wish Dan

[1:37:14] hosted the Tonight Show

[1:37:15] so he'd be like,

[1:37:16] so you're here

[1:37:17] to promote this movie.

[1:37:18] I want you to tell me

[1:37:18] the premise of the movie,

[1:37:19] but first,

[1:37:20] you remember I was going

[1:37:21] to tell you about

[1:37:21] this thing I saw today.

[1:37:22] I like where this is going.

[1:37:24] I did not invite

Dan McCoy

[1:37:26] the premise.

[1:37:26] I had a very...

[1:37:28] Anyway,

[1:37:29] the anecdote...

[1:37:30] This is fun.

Jordan Morris

[1:37:30] It's a personal way in

[1:37:32] for people.

[1:37:32] Anyway...

Dan McCoy

[1:37:33] Burning a hole in my mouth

[1:37:34] is...

Jordan Morris

[1:37:35] Tell us that danticdote.

[1:37:37] No,

Dan McCoy

[1:37:37] I went home recently

[1:37:41] to Central Illinois

[1:37:42] to visit my parents

[1:37:43] and I had taken

[1:37:46] Jordan's book with me

[1:37:49] in the hopes that I would,

[1:37:51] you know,

[1:37:51] like that might be

[1:37:52] a little plane reading

[1:37:53] and I was flying back home

[1:37:57] from the Bloomington

[1:37:58] Normal Airport

[1:37:59] which is a very tiny

[1:38:00] regional airport

[1:38:01] and my bag got selected

[1:38:04] for random screening

[1:38:06] perhaps because of the

[1:38:08] CPAP tube

[1:38:09] in my luggage.

[1:38:11] Maybe the coin collection

[1:38:14] from my grandfather

[1:38:15] that was being sent home.

[1:38:16] I don't know what it was

[1:38:18] but in the course

[1:38:20] of this random screening...

[1:38:21] We got another coin bomb.

[1:38:22] Take him out of here.

[1:38:24] The TSA agent pulled out Bubble

[1:38:27] was thumbing through it

[1:38:28] and said,

[1:38:29] oh,

[1:38:29] I didn't know

[1:38:30] they did a graphic novel

[1:38:33] of this.

[1:38:33] I loved this podcast

[1:38:34] and Audrey said,

[1:38:36] oh,

[1:38:36] our friend wrote that

[1:38:37] and he goes,

[1:38:38] yeah,

[1:38:39] yeah,

[1:38:39] I'm a MaxFun subscriber.

[1:38:41] I listen to a lot of shows.

[1:38:42] I listen to Adventure Zone,

[1:38:45] Mabim Bam too

[1:38:46] and Audrey's like,

[1:38:47] yeah,

[1:38:47] we know those guys too

[1:38:48] and the guy goes,

[1:38:50] okay,

[1:38:50] well,

[1:38:51] here you go

[1:38:51] and Audrey's like,

[1:38:55] you listen to all

[1:38:56] the important shows

[1:38:57] on the network,

[1:38:57] all the best shows.

[1:38:59] You don't need to listen

[1:39:00] to anything else.

[1:39:01] but anyway...

Jordan Morris

[1:39:02] Yeah,

[1:39:03] I think the lesson here

[1:39:04] is that Bubble,

[1:39:05] the new graphic novel

[1:39:06] available now

[1:39:07] is a great way

[1:39:07] to smuggle heroin

[1:39:09] through the airport

[1:39:10] because the TSA agent

[1:39:12] will be so busy

[1:39:13] looking at the beautiful art

[1:39:15] by Tony Cliff,

[1:39:16] the wonderful colors

[1:39:17] by Natalie Arise,

[1:39:18] they won't notice.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:20] As you gesture

[1:39:21] and the drug mules

[1:39:22] that you have,

[1:39:23] not even swallowing

[1:39:24] the balloons full of heroin

[1:39:25] but just holding them.

[1:39:27] Right.

[1:39:28] Tossing them to each other

[1:39:29] like footballs

[1:39:30] as they pass by

[1:39:30] because TSA is too busy

[1:39:32] flipping through

[1:39:32] this beautiful book.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:33] Yeah,

[1:39:34] and you just wrap

[1:39:34] those heroin bricks

[1:39:35] up in Flophouse t-shirts

[1:39:37] and they're basically invisible

[1:39:39] to the TSA agent.

[1:39:40] Yeah,

[1:39:40] the TSA is like,

[1:39:41] no thank you,

[1:39:42] not familiar.

Jordan Morris

[1:39:44] Yeah,

[1:39:44] so Bubble.

[1:39:45] I should say

[1:39:46] I co-wrote the graphic novel

[1:39:47] with a great comedy writer

[1:39:48] named Sarah Morgan.

[1:39:50] She worked on the podcast.

[1:39:51] It is a sci-fi comedy.

[1:39:53] It is set in kind of

[1:39:54] a near future

[1:39:55] where everybody lives

[1:39:56] in kind of a domed city.

[1:39:58] Would you call it a bubble?

[1:39:59] I would, Elliot, yes.

[1:40:02] Listen,

[1:40:03] there's some

[1:40:03] less than subtle symbolism

[1:40:05] in the book.

[1:40:06] It has some

[1:40:08] obvious satire

[1:40:09] that we think

[1:40:10] everyone will enjoy.

[1:40:12] The characters

[1:40:12] kind of work

[1:40:13] as part of this

[1:40:14] life or death

[1:40:14] gig economy

[1:40:15] where they have to

[1:40:16] slaughter monsters

[1:40:18] using this Uber-like app.

[1:40:20] There's a lot of sex jokes,

[1:40:21] a lot of gore,

[1:40:22] a lot of monsters,

[1:40:23] a lot of friendship.

[1:40:24] And yeah,

[1:40:25] I think people will like it.

[1:40:27] If you heard the podcast,

[1:40:28] hopefully there's enough

[1:40:29] kind of new stuff

[1:40:30] and changes

[1:40:31] to keep you interested.

[1:40:32] Of course,

[1:40:33] I mentioned that

[1:40:33] beautiful art

[1:40:34] by Tony Cliff

[1:40:35] and those beautiful colors

[1:40:35] by Natalie Reese.

[1:40:37] But also,

[1:40:37] if you've never heard

[1:40:38] the podcast,

[1:40:39] it's not necessary.

[1:40:41] There's no,

[1:40:42] you know,

[1:40:43] no information

[1:40:45] required to enjoy Bubble.

[1:40:47] But also,

[1:40:47] if you're a Max Fun fan,

[1:40:49] there might be some

[1:40:49] fun little cameos

[1:40:50] in there.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:51] But you're saying

[1:40:52] this is not a

[1:40:52] Southland Tales-style

[1:40:54] multimedia saga

[1:40:55] where you need to listen

[1:40:56] to the podcast

[1:40:56] and read the comic

[1:40:57] to understand it.

Jordan Morris

[1:40:58] This couldn't be

[1:40:58] more different

[1:40:59] than the brilliant film

[1:41:00] Southland Tales, Elliot.

[1:41:03] No,

[1:41:03] no required

[1:41:05] other media

[1:41:05] to ingest.

[1:41:06] Bubble,

[1:41:07] it's out there.

[1:41:07] I think it's fun

[1:41:09] to talk to the Flophouse

[1:41:10] about this particularly

[1:41:11] because I can take

[1:41:13] a wild guess

[1:41:13] and assume that

[1:41:14] Flophouse listeners

[1:41:15] have a relationship

[1:41:16] with their local

[1:41:17] comic book store

[1:41:18] and or indie bookstore,

[1:41:19] which is a great

[1:41:20] place to get it.

[1:41:20] You can get it anywhere,

[1:41:21] but those are

[1:41:23] better places

[1:41:24] to get it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:25] Sounds great.

[1:41:26] I can't wait

[1:41:26] to pick up my own copy.

[1:41:28] I apologize

[1:41:29] if I haven't picked it up.

[1:41:29] It just came out.

[1:41:30] It just came out.

[1:41:31] It's been out

[1:41:31] for a couple weeks.

[1:41:33] A couple weeks

[1:41:33] and there's really

[1:41:34] no excuse.

[1:41:34] I did go to a bookstore

[1:41:36] and they said,

[1:41:37] we got Bublin

[1:41:38] and I said,

[1:41:38] eh,

[1:41:39] and I just walked

[1:41:40] right by.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:41] Where's that

[1:41:42] Kevin Sorbo

[1:41:43] collection of tweets?

Jordan Morris

[1:41:45] The bound collection

[1:41:47] of Kevin Sorbo tweets.

[1:41:48] And I want the

[1:41:49] leather bound edition

[1:41:49] not the paper bag.

[1:41:50] You gotta get the leather bound.

[1:41:51] You're worth it.

[1:41:52] I want it to last.

[1:41:52] This is something

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:53] I'll be handing down

[1:41:53] to my children.

Jordan Morris

[1:41:54] Yeah,

[1:41:54] that's gonna be his Zola.

[1:41:55] They're gonna adapt

[1:41:56] his tweets.

[1:41:58] Oh boy.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:59] Well,

[1:42:00] anyway,

[1:42:00] thank you so much

[1:42:01] as always

[1:42:02] for dropping by.

[1:42:05] Always a pleasure.

[1:42:06] It's great to be here.

[1:42:06] Thanks everybody.

[1:42:08] Thank you to our editor,

[1:42:10] Alex Smith,

[1:42:11] for doing fine work

[1:42:12] for us,

[1:42:13] making us sound good

[1:42:14] and producing the show.

[1:42:17] And thank you to

[1:42:18] Maximum Fun,

[1:42:19] our network.

[1:42:20] Go over to

[1:42:20] MaximumFun.org

[1:42:21] for more podcasts.

[1:42:24] Like Bubble.

[1:42:25] Like Bubble.

[1:42:26] Why don't you listen

[1:42:27] to that one,

[1:42:27] you jerk?

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:29] It's a hard sell.

[1:42:31] Very hard sell.

[1:42:32] You're being very hard

[1:42:32] on the listener.

[1:42:33] Yeah.

[1:42:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:35] For the Flophouse,

[1:42:36] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:42:37] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Jordan Morris

[1:42:39] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:42:40] Hey,

[1:42:41] I'm Jordan Morris

[1:42:41] and I had a great time

[1:42:43] being here.

[1:42:44] Praise Brax.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:52] Do you guys have something

[1:42:53] for this?

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:54] I do.

[1:42:55] I do.

[1:42:56] It's not much,

[1:42:57] but...

Dan McCoy

[1:42:58] On this episode,

[1:42:59] we discuss

[1:43:00] Jiu-Jitsu.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:01] From the visionary director

[1:43:03] who's also the producer

[1:43:04] of Hard Bodies 2.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:08] Wow.

[1:43:09] Factually accurate.

[1:43:10] This guy goes deep.

[1:43:11] Wow.

Jordan Morris

[1:43:15] MaximumFun.org

[1:43:16] Comedy and culture.

S7

[1:43:18] Artist owned.

[1:43:19] Audience supported.

Ep. #348 - Jiu Jitsu, with Jordan Morris

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