Ep.%350 - The Boss Baby: Family Business, with Sammy Kalan

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the Boss Baby family business.

Stuart Wellington

[0:05] Ooh, baby, baby, Boss Baby, baby.

[0:10] Stuart, you know they did that song in the movie.

[0:12] I know, that's why I just did it now on the podcast, the supplementary podcast that people are going to listen to.

[0:17] Okay.

[0:17] Sorry, I shouldn't have interrupted.

[0:19] Do you want to do that one again?

[0:20] No, I feel like the addition, so people understand, I feel like having a little note at the end makes it better, makes it funnier.

[0:29] The annotation?

[0:30] Yeah, yeah.

[0:30] That's why my copy of Ulysses is funnier, is because of all the annotations.

[0:35] Okay, and cut, Alex.

[0:37] Perfect.

[0:58] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[1:05] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06] Oh, wow, it's me, Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09] Double wow, Elliot Kalin here.

[1:10] And you know what, guys?

[1:11] We've got a very, very special guest.

[1:13] Maybe the specialist guest we've ever had, not to make our other guests feel less special.

[1:17] But this is the most specialist.

[1:19] Joining us for this special family episode of the Flophouse is...

[1:25] Say your name.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27] Samuel Kalin.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28] That's right.

[1:28] My son, Samuel Kalin.

[1:30] The original Kalin boy.

[1:33] Well, not the original Kalin boy.

[1:34] The original Kalin boy was my dad, because right before he was born, the name was changed from Kaplan to Kalin.

[1:38] So he's the first one.

[1:39] Then there's me and my brother, and then there's Sammy and his brother.

[1:42] Should I be writing all this down?

[1:43] Yes, please do.

[1:44] Also, there's my dad's brother, too.

[1:45] I should have mentioned him.

[1:46] So Sammy's not the original Kalin boy.

[1:48] He's like the fifth or sixth in line.

[1:49] Is this all going to be on the test?

[1:51] Yes.

[1:52] And there's my brother, too.

[1:53] But anyway, that's right, guys.

[1:54] I'm the fifth.

[1:55] You're the fifth.

[1:56] So Sammy has joined us for another installment of Kalin's in the Isles.

[2:01] Da-da-da-da-da.

[2:02] Da-da-da-da-da-da.

[2:04] Sometimes when there's movies, you gotta have more than one Kalin.

[2:07] This is one of those movies where you need more than one Kalin.

[2:10] There's Daddy Kalin, me, Elliot, and there's his son, Sammy.

[2:14] Sammy, how do you feel about being in the Isles?

Stuart Wellington

[2:18] Clearly just as annoyed as we are.

Elliott Kalan

[2:20] For those listening, you couldn't see that Sammy was literally rolling his eyes

[2:24] and slapping his forehead in disgust.

Dan McCoy

[2:28] What do you think about joining the family business, Sammy?

[2:32] You can't just shrug.

[2:33] It's an audio medium.

[2:34] Yeah, you gotta talk.

[2:37] Thinking.

[2:38] He's thinking.

[2:38] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[2:40] Okay, what do you think?

Sammy Kalan

[2:42] I'm still thinking about it.

Elliott Kalan

[2:43] Okay.

[2:44] Well, think about it if you want to join us or not.

[2:45] So Dan, why don't you-

Sammy Kalan

[2:46] I'll tell you at the end if I decide yet.

Elliott Kalan

[2:49] Okay, you decided that you liked it.

[2:50] Okay.

[2:50] Okay, so Dan, while Sammy's thinking and taking in all the data he needs-

[2:55] Hedging his bets, I like it.

[2:56] What was the question then?

[2:59] The question was, how do you feel about joining the podcasting family business?

Stuart Wellington

[3:04] I don't think I will.

Dan McCoy

[3:05] I mean, you don't have to accept it as a job offer just yet.

[3:09] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[3:10] Wait till the end of this trial period.

[3:12] Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

[3:14] This is the answer.

[3:15] Okay, what do you do on this podcast other than Annoy My Son?

Dan McCoy

[3:18] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:22] Or, you know-

[3:23] It wasn't that bad.

[3:24] We'll get to that, Sammy.

[3:25] Well, that's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[3:26] We will make a judgment at the end.

[3:28] We watch a movie that we presume might be bad based on public reaction, critic reaction,

[3:36] all that sort of stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[3:37] The advertising, in this case, how super smug that baby looks on all the posters.

[3:42] Daddy said it wasn't that bad.

Stuart Wellington

[3:44] I know, but we'll get to there.

[3:46] I feel like-

[3:46] We'll do that at the end.

[3:47] I know.

[3:48] I feel like there's some justices in the aisles.

Elliott Kalan

[3:50] So why are you saying it now?

[3:52] Because I want to.

Stuart Wellington

[3:53] Okay, wow.

[3:54] That's today's generation.

[3:56] Born podcaster.

Elliott Kalan

[3:57] They just do what they want.

[3:58] That's the TikTok generation.

[4:00] Or the Addams Family.

[4:02] True.

[4:03] And they kick and they stop a friend.

[4:04] Yeah.

[4:05] Slap a friend.

[4:05] I don't even know what that means.

[4:06] I don't think they stop a friend.

[4:06] Slap a friend?

[4:07] Yeah, it's kicking.

[4:08] Oh, I thought it was like they-

[4:08] I thought it was they kick and they stop a friend.

[4:11] Yeah, why would they slap a friend?

[4:11] I don't know.

[4:12] Ask MC Hammer.

[4:13] Awful.

[4:14] I thought it was like they stop a friend from driving when they've had too much to drink.

[4:17] The Addams Family.

[4:17] They would encourage that, I think.

Dan McCoy

[4:20] Yeah, they're real reverse-y, opposite-day types.

Elliott Kalan

[4:23] I guess that's true since they wear their underpants outside their pants.

[4:26] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[4:28] So, anyway.

[4:29] This time we watched The Boss Baby, Family Business, which is a sequel to The Boss Baby.

[4:35] A movie that I was told has a very sort of convoluted mythology, and I looked it up on Wikipedia.

[4:44] It does, in fact.

[4:45] It's a high-concept comedy that, you know, it did confuse me a little bit at the beginning of this movie what the heck was supposed to be going on.

[4:54] But once it gets rolling, it doesn't really matter all that much.

[4:57] Uh-huh.

[4:57] So, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:58] I was surprised.

[4:58] So, I had not seen the original The Boss Baby, which I had assumed was just about, like, a smug baby that talks.

[5:05] Like, and you don't really need much more than that to make a movie.

[5:07] But it wasn't, watching this, Sammy and I were both, I think, very surprised to find out, yeah, the elaborate backstory involving a secret corporation of talking babies and magic.

[5:17] And there's, like, a wizard clock and things like that.

Sammy Kalan

[5:19] I liked when Armstrong, he, like, the back of his robot suit opened and he, as himself, the baby, he just stepped out.

Elliott Kalan

[5:33] Yeah.

[5:34] So, yeah, there's a baby that wears a robot suit.

[5:37] We'll get into all this.

Sammy Kalan

[5:37] And I think because there's no original, I think it's just, like, his head with the wig that pops out of the machine.

[5:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:44] So, Sammy, do you want to stick, so, Sammy, do you want to tell us what you thought about the movie before we do the summary or do you want to be here for some of the summary?

[5:51] Or explain what happens in the movie for us.

[5:53] Or do you want to, or do you want to help me through the summary and explain what happens in the movie?

Stuart Wellington

[5:56] I'll help explain.

Elliott Kalan

[5:57] Okay.

[5:58] So, buckle up, everybody.

[6:00] And I'll correct you if you're wrong.

[6:02] Yeah, please correct me.

[6:03] Okay.

[6:03] So, again, we have not seen the original movie.

[6:06] So, a lot of what we're picking up from the original movie is just context clues from this one.

[6:10] But there's an opening voiceover that revealed comes from Tim, who I guess was the older brother in the first movie.

[6:16] Yes.

[6:17] And now he's a grown-up and he's a stay-at-home dad who still has an overactive imagination, which I guess means that in the first movie he had an overactive imagination.

[6:25] Yes?

Sammy Kalan

[6:25] Daddy, can I get to the part when you're changing back to babies?

[6:28] I want to tell you a Friday part.

Elliott Kalan

[6:30] Okay.

[6:31] Well, we'll get to that part.

[6:31] You just remember that.

Stuart Wellington

[6:32] Now, and the dad is voiced by James Marsden, who, you know, I like.

[6:36] I like James Marsden.

[6:38] He's been the best part of many Flophouse movies before now.

[6:42] And this dad is, he's kind of like a young dad.

[6:44] He's pretty hip.

[6:45] He looks like a Warby Parker ad, right?

Elliott Kalan

[6:48] Certainly.

[6:48] He's certainly a young hipster dad who never thought that he'd be living out in the suburbs.

[6:52] He assumed he would live in the city.

[6:53] But now he lives out in the suburbs and he's loving it.

[6:55] Still wearing skinny jeans.

[6:56] I like it.

[6:58] According to Wikipedia, this character was voiced by Tobey Maguire in the first movie.

Dan McCoy

[7:02] And also the character that was, the Tobey Maguire character that he originally had wanted Patton Oswalt.

[7:10] I don't know whether he was cast and had to step away because of his family tragedy or what the story was.

[7:14] But he was also going to be, like, so this is kind of like Mark III of this character.

Elliott Kalan

[7:21] Of Tim.

[7:22] Yeah.

[7:23] And that was a little bit of our regular feature, Boss Baby Behind the Bleachers,

[7:27] where Dan tells you the real behind-the-scenes backstage drama behind the making of the Boss Baby.

[7:32] Dan, what other Boss Baby stories do you have for us?

Dan McCoy

[7:35] Yeah.

[7:35] Well, let's see.

Elliott Kalan

[7:37] And don't worry about, don't worry, I know you don't like to reveal names or your sources.

[7:41] Just tell us the little birdie he told you, a little Boss Birdie.

Dan McCoy

[7:44] I hear that the first Boss Baby is kind of good at the beginning and then gets convoluted.

[7:50] I don't know, man.

[7:50] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[7:51] You heard it here first, folks.

[7:53] That's the kind of juicy, exclusive behind-the-scenes goss you can only get from Dan McCoy and Boss Baby Behind the Bleachers.

[8:00] I learned one thing about Boss Baby and now I've been...

Stuart Wellington

[8:03] I feel like Dan's just wetting our lips.

[8:05] He's just wetting our taste buds for this.

Dan McCoy

[8:07] Okay, I'll find some other Boss Baby facts to drop in later on.

Elliott Kalan

[8:11] Yeah, well, that's the joke.

[8:12] I think, Dan, we'll be back to you later, if I remember, with more from the Boss Baby Behind the Bleachers.

[8:19] So I guess look up your network of little birdies, your little chickadees that are in your spider's web that feed you information that allow you to control Bosteros, the Boss Baby kingdom.

[8:30] Thank you.

[8:31] So, Tim, he does have a real overactive imagination.

[8:34] Almost immediately, we are thrown into his kaleidoscopic hallucinations that he and his family are now race car drivers, or he's an Old West saloon keeper.

[8:42] He's a mad scientist with a stuffed animal.

[8:45] He's the kind of dad who is, I imagine for other adults, a lot to deal with.

[8:49] And they surf on lava, right?

[8:51] Yeah.

[8:51] You can say it in the microphone.

[8:52] Yeah, say it in the microphone.

[8:54] Yeah.

[8:54] Feel free to interrupt me, because I know I'm going to interrupt those guys a lot, just like at home.

Stuart Wellington

[8:59] Yeah, he's got one of those Gabriel Garcia Marquez imaginations, right?

Elliott Kalan

[9:06] That's the way I would describe it.

[9:08] Recently, this is behind the looking glass, not the little looking glass, behind this.

[9:12] I will read a book aloud to my wife before we go to bed.

[9:16] We read through books.

[9:17] And we just started 100 Years of Solitude, which I had read before, but she had not.

[9:20] And yeah, I think until seeing the Boss Baby family business, there was nothing else I saw that really reminded me of the story of the Buendia family, is it?

Stuart Wellington

[9:28] Guys, watching this movie, I have a question.

[9:32] And that's, what is real?

Elliott Kalan

[9:37] That's a good point, because he has an overactive imagination, which causes them to be like race car drivers and stuff.

[9:43] But then in the real movie, in reality, there's a secret corporation of babies that have super high-tech technology and a baby pretending to be a person and a magic formula that can de-age you.

[9:54] So his imagination is actually less crazy than the stuff that happens in the reality.

[9:58] If anything, his imaginings are a coping mechanism allowing a more mundane human version of the world to compete with the bizarre world he lives in.

[10:06] Yes, you're talking to the microphone.

Sammy Kalan

[10:08] Why would he pretend to, why would Armstrong pretend to be a grown-up if he wants to get rid of them?

Elliott Kalan

[10:15] Because he needs to find a way to indoctrinate the babies.

[10:17] We'll get to that, we'll get to that.

[10:18] Okay, so because we're only, I think, 15 seconds in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[10:20] Although I think when we do the poll later in the episode as to what character do we each find most fascinating, I think I can guess Sammy's.

Dan McCoy

[10:28] Guys, I have a behind the bleachers bulletin for you.

Elliott Kalan

[10:34] Unfortunately, it's not time for that right now.

[10:36] We'll get to it in just a minute.

[10:37] Okay.

[10:37] But Tim has a wife, Carol, who wears surprisingly tight workout pants, played by Eva Longoria, and two daughters, Tabitha and baby Tina.

[10:47] Dan, what is your behind the bleachers story?

Dan McCoy

[10:50] Oh, yeah, sorry.

[10:51] It is that in the original film, The Boss Baby, young Timothy was played by Miles Bakchi, who is the grandson of Ralph Bakchi.

Elliott Kalan

[11:04] Oh, I saw his name in the credits and I wondered if that was it.

[11:07] So, animation royalty, heir to the throne of cartoons that are more groundbreaking than successful creatively, I think, in many ways.

Dan McCoy

[11:15] Or fun to watch.

[11:16] There's a red hair.

Elliott Kalan

[11:17] You're orange hair.

[11:18] Which one is orange hair?

[11:19] News like me?

[11:20] Here, just talk on the microphone.

[11:21] We can have this conversation.

[11:22] No, talk on the microphone.

Sammy Kalan

[11:24] Daddy, who's the character with the, like, orangish red hair?

[11:27] Oh, the kid who's mean?

Elliott Kalan

[11:29] Yeah.

[11:29] I don't remember that kid's name.

[11:30] Templeton or something like that?

[11:32] That sounds right.

[11:33] Templeton the rat?

[11:33] He's the bully child.

[11:34] He's the bully.

[11:35] He's the bully.

[11:36] So, they update us on the characters in the beginning.

[11:40] Tim has grown up and has a family.

[11:41] Ted, the titular boss baby from the first movie, is now a successful millionaire, but he seems to be lonely at the top.

[11:48] He's all alone.

[11:49] Real rosebud situation.

[11:51] Exactly.

[11:52] So, Tabitha, the older daughter, she's very ambitious and responsible and overachiever.

[11:55] She idolizes her Uncle Ted.

[11:57] And her dad is too silly for her.

[11:59] When he goes to give her a goodnight kiss, she wants a goodnight handshake, which is a rough moment for any dad, let me tell you.

[12:05] Sammy, the first time that you want to give me a handshake instead of a kiss, I will be devastated, but I know it's going to happen because we'll be in business together as the Kalen Boys Podcasting Network.

[12:14] Guys, I hate to break it to you.

[12:15] We will?

[12:17] I haven't talked to Sammy about it yet, but I think, what, right?

[12:19] It's going to be called Kalen and Sons?

[12:21] He looks dubious.

[12:23] Sammy does, a lot of Sammy's reactions to my jokes are withering stares.

Dan McCoy

[12:28] I have a question.

[12:29] Now, so this moment in the movie, I have a question for you as a father, Elliot.

[12:33] Now, certainly I understand not wanting a handshake in replacement for a kiss.

Elliott Kalan

[12:39] Yeah, just think about the movie Prelude to a Handshake.

[12:41] There's no romance to it.

[12:42] It's got to be Prelude to a Kiss.

[12:44] Imagine Handshake from Rose.

[12:46] Handshake from Rose, no good.

[12:47] Handshake of the Spider Woman, who cares, you know?

Dan McCoy

[12:50] I understand being distressed.

Elliott Kalan

[12:51] A handshake before dying, come on.

Dan McCoy

[12:53] Nope.

[12:55] Handshake, handshake, bang, bang.

[12:57] Come on, it just loses a lot, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:00] Am I really going to go see a band called Handshake?

[13:02] I don't care what kind of makeup they wear or whether they want to rock all night and party

[13:06] every day.

[13:06] They're called Handshake.

[13:07] Come on.

Dan McCoy

[13:08] Now, is that also all in caps and it stands for something?

Elliott Kalan

[13:12] Yeah, it stands for, it's hoodlums attacking normal denominations supporting healthy and

[13:21] Christian with a K education.

Dan McCoy

[13:23] Oh, wow.

[13:24] It started out a lot more sort of bad than the ending there.

Elliott Kalan

[13:30] I mean, it's just their version of Knights and Satan's Service.

[13:32] You know, they're against Christian education.

Dan McCoy

[13:34] Oh, they're against it.

[13:35] I see.

Elliott Kalan

[13:36] They're attacking it.

[13:36] Yeah.

[13:36] Because remember, it's hoodlums against normal denominations.

[13:41] The normal denominations are supporting healthy and Christian education.

[13:45] Handshake.

[13:46] What was that?

[13:46] Was that Simon where you get the thing right?

Dan McCoy

[13:49] Normal denominations, comma, supporting, what is it?

Elliott Kalan

[13:56] No, I don't think, I think the comma makes it seem like it's the hoodlums that are supporting

[14:01] it.

Dan McCoy

[14:01] No, that's what I, that was the confusion is what I'm saying.

[14:03] Oh, I see.

Elliott Kalan

[14:03] I see.

[14:04] Oh, no, no, no.

Dan McCoy

[14:04] Are we getting back to the movie?

Elliott Kalan

[14:07] That's what the listener says every time.

[14:08] Welcome to the show, Sammy.

[14:09] Welcome to the show.

Dan McCoy

[14:10] So, Dan, what was your question about Handshakes and being a dad?

[14:14] Look, I get, you know, feeling your child is growing up too soon and fearing the day

[14:20] they won't need you anymore.

[14:22] Very much so.

[14:23] Right before that, she doesn't want a good night song that he was going to sing on his

[14:32] guitar.

[14:33] And I did feel like, you know, this is probably because I am a heartless, childless man, but

[14:38] I did feel like as a, if I were a parent, the moment at which my child does not require

[14:45] a long sort of ceremony to get to sleep, I would be excited by.

[14:51] I feel like I'd be like, let me get back out into the living room.

[14:54] Sammy, put your hands over your ears for this.

Elliott Kalan

[14:56] Dan, you are exactly right.

[14:57] Okay.

[14:58] Exactly right.

[14:59] But here's the thing.

[15:00] There's a lot about parenting.

[15:01] Okay, you can take your hands off.

[15:02] There's a lot about parenting where, and he put his hands on over the headphones, so it

[15:05] definitely matters.

[15:07] There's a lot about parenting that you really can't wait to be done with until you're done

[15:12] with it and then you miss it.

[15:13] So like, the time that when you're like, oh, this baby is keeping me up all night.

[15:18] I can't wait till he sleeps through the night.

Dan McCoy

[15:20] There is a moment where that ends and you're like, but my baby needed me and now he doesn't

[15:25] need me.

Elliott Kalan

[15:26] And so that's the way it was with parents.

[15:27] Every night, I'm sure Tim was like, oh, I got to sing a song.

[15:30] But now that she doesn't want the song, he's like, but our special moments.

[15:33] This is making it clear that someday you'll leave and I'll die.

Stuart Wellington

[15:36] And frankly, as we'll find out later, she could use a little bit more musical education.

[15:42] Oh, for sure.

[15:43] We'll find out.

Elliott Kalan

[15:43] She really does need it.

[15:44] So anyway, it's a real cats in a cradle moment as he's thinking about the past.

[15:52] And then he's interrupted by, okay, by a talking wizard that's also a toy clock.

[15:58] And this is the first of the moments in the movie where I was like, wait a minute, is this

[16:01] a magic movie?

Sammy Kalan

[16:03] The first like magical part of the movie that was strange.

Elliott Kalan

[16:06] Yeah.

Sammy Kalan

[16:06] A wizard that lost its hand.

Elliott Kalan

[16:10] Yeah.

[16:10] Can you describe this wizard clock?

Sammy Kalan

[16:13] A wizard in blue robes with, what was it?

[16:16] Stars on his robes?

[16:17] Mm-hmm.

[16:17] Classic.

[16:18] He has one hand.

[16:21] Apparently, I think he lost it when Tim shoved him in a box.

Elliott Kalan

[16:25] Yeah.

Sammy Kalan

[16:26] But he's angry and he wants revenge.

Elliott Kalan

[16:29] And he's like the toys in Toy Story, right?

[16:31] Like he can talk.

[16:32] He can think and talk.

[16:33] Yeah.

[16:33] Do we ever see another toy act this way in the movie?

Sammy Kalan

[16:36] Yes, we do.

[16:37] Which one?

[16:38] When that toy that, or is it just how it's supposed to be the toy that Tina disguises, she like

[16:48] puts it in her bed as her.

Elliott Kalan

[16:51] Well, but that, yeah, that's true.

[16:52] That one kind of talks a little bit too.

[16:53] But I think that one was more just supposed to be a stuffed animal.

[16:56] But you're right.

[16:57] It's ambiguous as to whether any other toys in this world could talk.

Stuart Wellington

[17:00] It's very, and it's like channeling a very, for podcast fans, it's very Usador the Blue

[17:05] type energy.

Elliott Kalan

[17:06] Yeah, yeah.

[17:07] That's a good way to put it.

[17:09] And so this wizard toy clock is like, Tim's like, I wish I could turn back the clock.

[17:15] And the wizard is like, don't doubt my power, I'll do it.

[17:18] And I was like, okay, so that's what this is about?

[17:20] It's going to be about a magic toy clock that makes them young again?

[17:23] No, it is not.

[17:24] That wizard just is a character that pops up for comic relief.

[17:28] And later he's friends with a toy of Skeletor, which, but the Skeletor doesn't talk.

[17:31] Because I was kind of hoping Skeletor would say what he had to say.

[17:34] You're going to grab Mark Hamill to jump in?

[17:35] Daddy?

[17:35] Yeah.

[17:35] Daddy?

[17:36] Yes?

[17:36] Remember when they...

[17:38] Talk in the microphone.

[17:39] You don't have to whisper it to me.

[17:39] Talk in the microphone.

Sammy Kalan

[17:40] No, this is later in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[17:41] That's okay.

[17:41] You can tell it.

[17:42] We can jump around.

[17:43] We can jump around.

[17:44] Jump, jump around.

[17:45] Jump up and get down.

Sammy Kalan

[17:46] When they become...

[17:48] When they're going to the school, that's...

[17:51] What is it?

[17:51] Acorn school?

[17:52] The acorn school?

[17:53] Yeah.

[17:54] When they're going to it, they have to sleep in the attic of their house because they don't

[17:58] want anybody noticing them.

[18:00] Yes.

[18:00] So apparently the clock rings with daylight savings, so they have to rush out the door.

Elliott Kalan

[18:08] Yes.

[18:08] Exactly.

[18:09] So the clock does...

Sammy Kalan

[18:10] He forgets to set it for daylight savings, so apparently I guess it's near daylight savings.

[18:15] Okay.

[18:15] That's good for us to know.

Elliott Kalan

[18:16] Excellent.

[18:17] It's that...

[18:17] Well, because it's around Christmas time, right?

[18:19] Like it's winter time, so they're supposed to winter back for daylight savings.

Stuart Wellington

[18:24] Was it nice for you guys to see snow since your winters have not been particularly snowy

[18:30] lately?

[18:31] How did you feel?

Elliott Kalan

[18:31] Because Sammy, I know you've missed snow quite a bit.

[18:33] You're very vocal about that.

[18:34] Was it nice to see snow again?

Sammy Kalan

[18:37] See snow again?

[18:38] Yeah.

[18:38] I mean, it was not like real.

[18:40] No, no, but to see it in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[18:41] Was it nice?

[18:42] That was my question.

[18:43] What's real?

[18:44] That's true.

[18:44] Because right after we moved to Los Angeles, I went to go see Spider-Man Home Again, Home

[18:50] Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jigg.

[18:53] And seeing him on the subway really brought...

[18:56] I'd only been away from New York for a couple months, but seeing him on the subway in that

[19:00] movie really brought back pangs of like, oh, I don't get to do that anymore.

Sammy Kalan

[19:03] I like seeing snow in the movie, and the last time I've seen snow was on my sixth

[19:08] birthday.

Elliott Kalan

[19:09] Yeah, right.

[19:09] Wow.

[19:09] It was a long time ago.

Sammy Kalan

[19:10] It was a year and a half ago.

Elliott Kalan

[19:12] Yeah.

[19:13] And it was around the last time we were in New York during the winter, right?

[19:16] Yep.

[19:16] Yeah.

[19:17] Although we were just in New Jersey visiting my parents.

Sammy Kalan

[19:20] And there were only a few snowflakes.

Elliott Kalan

[19:24] Yeah.

[19:24] And what did you get to see on this New Jersey trip that we don't get to see in Los Angeles?

Sammy Kalan

[19:27] Thunder and lightning storms.

Elliott Kalan

[19:29] Yeah, and rain.

[19:30] And we also, we were at my dad's house and there were bats flying around in the backyard.

[19:33] Oh, cool.

[19:33] And it was very funny because it was like, all they were doing was flying around.

[19:36] If these had been birds, nobody would have batted an eye.

[19:39] No pun intended.

[19:40] But because they were bats, everyone was running around screaming as if they were actual vampires.

[19:43] Only Grandma Audrey was doing that.

[19:45] Yeah, I guess that's true.

[19:46] Only Grandma.

[19:46] I was trying to make it sound like everyone was.

[19:48] Okay, so baby Tina, make a long story short.

[19:51] She reveals to Tim that she can talk and under her pajamas is a business suit.

[19:55] I guess she's the new boss baby.

[19:57] Amy Sedaris.

[19:58] It's Amy Sedaris.

[19:59] Yeah, played by Amy.

Sammy Kalan

[19:59] It seems like every clothes she's wearing, it seems like she has the suit on under every clothes she has on.

Elliott Kalan

[20:07] It might just be her skin.

[20:08] What do you think?

[20:08] Is that the case?

Sammy Kalan

[20:09] No, it can't be.

Elliott Kalan

[20:10] Okay.

[20:11] Well, that's called yes and.

Sammy Kalan

[20:13] Because you see her skin, like her hands, her face.

[20:17] It's not the same.

[20:18] It's not like black.

[20:19] It's not the color of like this microphone.

Elliott Kalan

[20:23] Okay, good point.

[20:24] That's a very good point.

[20:24] All right.

[20:25] He's proven me wrong.

[20:26] And she reveals that she is from Baby Corps.

[20:29] And it was like, what?

[20:31] I didn't see the first movie.

[20:32] Baby Court?

[20:33] No, not Baby Court.

[20:35] Daddy?

[20:35] Which would be, I guess, where Judge Whittle Harry suspenses justice.

Sammy Kalan

[20:39] Daddy, isn't Baby Corps like, isn't like it connected to Acorn?

[20:43] Acorn school.

[20:44] And Baby Tina is a baby.

[20:47] So it seems like she has to be working for the bad guy.

Elliott Kalan

[20:50] No, no.

[20:51] Because Baby, here's Baby Corps and the bad guy are opposing sides.

[20:54] So Baby Corps, it turns out, is a secret magic corporation run by babies.

Sammy Kalan

[20:58] I think when the purple light comes through, that globe in Baby Corps, it seems like they're

[21:04] all happy.

[21:05] But when it goes away, it seems like they're still all happy.

Elliott Kalan

[21:07] No, I think they were unhappy.

[21:08] They were going, oh.

[21:09] They were monitoring the situation and they were unhappy about it.

[21:12] But that lack of clarity was getting to me also because I actually, that globe, I forgot

[21:16] where it was supposed to be happening.

[21:17] So Baby Corps, as you may have known from the first movie, but I didn't, is a magic corporation

[21:22] run by babies.

[21:23] And I guess Ted, Tim's brother.

[21:26] It's in like heaven or something?

[21:28] It seems like it's in the clouds and it's all made out of holograms and it's very strange.

Sammy Kalan

[21:33] And how did they, and it's like, it seems like they were holograms but nobody else was there.

Elliott Kalan

[21:37] And they got there by sucking on like magic pacifiers that took them through a portal in

[21:42] space.

[21:43] It's old.

[21:44] Suddenly the movie kicks into overdrive.

Sammy Kalan

[21:46] They were like, they were fighting over, they were fighting over who would have the pacifier.

[21:51] They, each one, the other one to have it.

[21:53] Yeah.

[21:54] And then, I think it was like Baby Tina, she took the one that they had and then she like

[21:59] tossed two other ones and then they started sucking on them.

Elliott Kalan

[22:03] Yeah, that's actually, that happens a little bit later and it was, watching the movie with

[22:06] my son, I really didn't, did not care for the scene where they were yelling, you suck

[22:09] it.

[22:09] No, you suck it.

[22:10] And she goes, why don't you both suck it?

[22:12] And hands on both passwords.

[22:13] And I was like, unnecessary.

[22:14] Anyway, Baby Corps, she's very pushy.

[22:16] There's a problem with Baby Corps.

[22:17] She needs his help and she needs his help to get Uncle Ted, who's now grown up.

Sammy Kalan

[22:20] It says later in the movie that she quits Baby Corps.

[22:23] I never thought of that.

Elliott Kalan

[22:24] But that was just a ruse.

[22:25] That was just a, that was just a trick.

[22:26] She never said that.

[22:27] A clever ruse.

[22:27] She did.

[22:27] It was a clever ruse.

[22:29] So for some reason, Tim has a flip phone and they, she, by recording, by recording Ted's,

[22:36] by recording Tim's voice on like a Teddy Ruxpin, she's able to patch together a message to leave

[22:41] on the voicemail of his brother, Ted.

[22:43] And this is where it starts getting frustrating that the main characters named Tim and Ted and

[22:47] their, the daughters are named Tabitha and Tina.

[22:48] And it was very easy for me to get their names mixed up.

[22:51] All four T's.

[22:52] All four T's.

[22:52] And Sammy's comment at the time when we watched was, that was a fun scene.

[22:56] So that's what he said immediately after it was over.

Sammy Kalan

[22:59] When?

[22:59] Oh, when, when they're changing back?

Elliott Kalan

[23:01] No, no.

[23:01] When, when they, when he first finds out that she's a baby.

[23:04] That's can talk.

[23:05] And not to.

[23:06] Oh, yeah.

Sammy Kalan

[23:06] I like that scene because it seemed like it was kind of creepy at first, but then it was

[23:09] like silly.

Dan McCoy

[23:10] Yeah.

[23:10] Not to tip my, uh, eventual feelings for this movie, but, um, you know, like this is one

[23:17] of those points where I'm like, you know, hearing Sammy's reaction just points up the

[23:21] fact that the major problem with this movie is I'm not the demographic that this is meant

[23:25] for.

[23:25] What's the demographic for it?

Elliott Kalan

[23:28] Well, Dan's not a baby or a boss.

[23:31] So.

Dan McCoy

[23:32] Cause I, like, I watched the whole scene where they were like tossing the formula back and

[23:38] forth and drinking it.

[23:39] And I was kind of like, at this point in the movie, I'm like, well, clearly there's enough

[23:43] formula for both of them.

[23:45] They both want to do this.

Sammy Kalan

[23:47] And it seemed like, and it seemed like when they drank it, uh, there were still, still the whole

[23:52] thing was left.

[23:52] Yeah.

[23:53] So why are they fighting over it?

[23:54] And I liked when, uh, when Tim like drank the first little bit of it, he like grew a

[23:59] mustache and he shrunk.

Stuart Wellington

[24:00] Mm-hmm.

[24:01] Cause they're getting younger a little bit.

Sammy Kalan

[24:02] So yeah.

[24:03] But how come, how come, uh, Tim didn't, how come, uh, Ted became a baby, but Tim was still

[24:13] like a kid.

Elliott Kalan

[24:14] Maybe they only had so much de-aging formula.

[24:16] Yeah.

[24:16] We'll get to that.

Stuart Wellington

[24:17] I think this movie, this is the point where Tim, I think, uh, this is the point where Tim

[24:24] proves that he's not a very good dad because he insists on going on this adventure at the

[24:30] fact that like, he knows he's going to have to like, he knows how long it's going to last

[24:34] 48 hours.

[24:35] And he knows that's going to possibly jeopardize going to see his daughter's recital.

[24:39] And also he's going to have to lie to his wife and family for a while.

Sammy Kalan

[24:42] Well, he's, he's very much, he still has the mug that says world's best dad.

[24:47] He should turn it in.

Elliott Kalan

[24:48] I think the problem with him as a dad is that all his dadding is about him.

[24:53] It's the Tim show and the kids need to be entertained by the Tim show.

[24:56] And clearly they are exhausted by it.

[24:59] And which I totally get because I, I put maybe one, one hundredth of the effort into my dad

[25:04] show that I put on and it exhausts my children.

[25:06] Like they're all kind of hostages to his fantasy.

Sammy Kalan

[25:08] When, when they were, uh, when they were going to school, um, it, it was crazy because when

[25:17] Ted whistled, uh, this, uh, pony precious would, would follow the whistling.

Elliott Kalan

[25:23] Well, that's just cartoon logic.

[25:25] Wait, we should, wait, I want to, I want to very quickly fill in the gap of where the,

[25:28] where the plot, where we left off.

[25:29] But Dan, what were you going to say before I do that?

Dan McCoy

[25:31] Uh, well, just, this is one of those instances of like cartoon or like movie logic when it

[25:38] comes to parenting where like the worst thing in a movie is to miss a recital.

[25:44] And that is given like the most weight.

[25:47] Whereas like the fact that he, you know, becomes a child and abandons his wife in charge of the

[25:55] other kid, kids, uh, for like 48 hours, as you say, is kind of like just played over as a joke.

[26:04] And she's like mildly annoyed, but she's not, uh, extremely angry as I was, I would expect like

[26:11] someone just disappearing right before Christmas.

Elliott Kalan

[26:14] I mean, his, his parents are there to take, to help out too.

Sammy Kalan

[26:16] When I'm going to school and they have those like, those like things where they can like detect,

[26:21] they can, she, baby Tina can like see where they are and they can spy on Armstrong.

[26:26] I think it's funny when they find out who, when Ted actually finds out who Armstrong is

[26:31] and he just eats a lot of candy and, uh, Ted accidentally drops the butterfly one he has

[26:38] into one of the candy bowls and, uh, Armstrong, uh, pops it into his mouth and cringes on it.

Elliott Kalan

[26:44] Mm-hmm.

[26:45] What I like about this episode.

Sammy Kalan

[26:46] And I think they can still like see inside his mouth.

[26:48] I think so.

Elliott Kalan

[26:48] This episode is a very Slaughterhouse-Five, Billy Pilgrim, Unstuck in Time sort of telling

[26:53] of the story.

[26:53] I love it.

[26:53] I'm into it though.

[26:54] Just adding to more of the Gabriel Garcia Marquez feel.

[26:56] So to fill in briefly, it turns out Ted doesn't remember being a baby boss.

[27:01] He's now a real boss.

[27:02] He's a millionaire.

[27:03] Uh, Tabitha loves Ted.

Sammy Kalan

[27:04] He doesn't remember until he sees, he doesn't remember until he sees.

Elliott Kalan

[27:09] Until they, until they suck.

Sammy Kalan

[27:09] Until he sees the statue, the gold statue of him in Baby Corps.

[27:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:14] Tina gives the magic pacifiers as mentioned.

[27:16] They are all told to suck it and they go to Baby Corps headquarters where there's a big

[27:20] gold statue of him and Ted remembers how great he is as a baby.

[27:23] And she says, here's the baby crisis monitor center.

[27:25] There's this guy, Dr. Erwin Armstrong voiced by Jeff Goldblum.

[27:28] Uh, and he's at Tabitha.

[27:30] He runs Tabitha's school and he wants kids to be more ambitious so they can run the world.

[27:34] He's trying to destroy childhood.

[27:35] Babies.

Sammy Kalan

[27:36] He wants, he wants babies to rule the world so he's teaching them like to code and stuff

[27:42] like that.

[27:43] Yeah.

[27:43] And he wants to get rid of all parents and at the end of the movie he, well, you'll find

Elliott Kalan

[27:49] out.

[27:49] We'll get to that.

[27:49] Yeah.

[27:50] That's a reveal.

[27:50] That's a, that's a big reveal.

[27:52] So, uh, she gives them a magic formula that de-ages them.

[27:55] They fight over it for no real reason.

[27:57] Like, as, as we've said, there's enough for both of them.

[27:59] And again, Tim should not even be taking the serum.

[28:03] No.

[28:03] And it's from, uh, they play while Time Warp from Rocky Horror Picture Show plays.

[28:07] And this is the first of several questionable music backing choices where if someone's like

[28:12] later, at later, uh, there, during the, there's a moment where the babies all dance to push

[28:17] it.

[28:18] I think it's because it says, Ooh, baby, baby, but it's like a hundred percent.

[28:21] The other lyrics in the song are push it.

[28:22] And like, it's not, it's not an appropriate song.

Dan McCoy

[28:25] Also the version of the Time Warp they're using, like sounds like a karaoke.

[28:29] track because it just has the backing singers, but has, you know, reasonably for a child's

[28:36] movie removed the main lyrics, but they, there will still be like spaces for it in the, in

[28:42] the music.

[28:43] So you'll have like this kind of blank where it's like the, it's just a jump to the left

[28:48] part should go.

[28:49] But then you do have backup singer singing and then a step to the right.

Elliott Kalan

[28:55] And it's so strange.

[28:57] It's very confusing.

[28:58] Uh, and this fight ends with the two of them at one as a kid and the other as a baby pinching

[29:02] each other's nipples and screaming in pain.

[29:04] And I was like, don't care for that.

[29:06] That's not something that I like to see in a kid's movie.

Sammy Kalan

[29:08] One hat and one just has underpants on and one is naked.

Elliott Kalan

[29:13] Yes.

[29:13] The baby is naked.

[29:14] Uh, this is the moment when Sammy said, this is hilarious.

[29:16] This movie is the best.

[29:18] We're watching it.

Sammy Kalan

[29:20] The part when they're going to school, uh, I think it's, uh, they're writing precious.

Elliott Kalan

[29:26] Well, so, so wait, they have to go to the school to plant spy devices.

[29:30] Sir Armstrong.

[29:30] And precious is a pony that, that uncle Ted got for Tabitha.

Stuart Wellington

[29:34] I can't believe you brought Sammy along to stunt on my own, uh, summary doing.

[29:39] He's just showing me how bad I am at doing summaries.

[29:43] No, no, no.

Elliott Kalan

[29:44] Uh, so Sammy, what was your feel about this pony precious who, who plays a bigger and bigger

[29:48] part in the movie as it goes on?

Sammy Kalan

[29:50] Uh-huh.

[29:50] It seems like she's always saving them.

Elliott Kalan

[29:52] Yeah.

[29:53] It's much like Gandalf in the Hobbit where, uh, Bilbo and the, and the others will just

[29:57] get into a big trouble and Gandalf will show up and go, all right, get on this eagle.

[30:01] It'll fly you to safety.

[30:02] Like this horse keeps coming in to save Ted Ted.

[30:04] And just, and just like Gandalf in the Hobbit, I'm like, does she have a boyfriend?

Stuart Wellington

[30:08] Cause I'm developing a crush.

Sammy Kalan

[30:10] They, when they're going to school.

[30:13] They ride precious the pony and then they, it's around Christmas time.

[30:17] So he bump into this like mug that has all these like fake presents in it.

[30:22] And then they're riding in the, Tim's riding in the mug while Ted is still riding on top

[30:27] of precious.

[30:29] And there's a big chase scene, right?

[30:31] Yeah.

[30:31] And then, uh, wait, no, wait, no.

[30:35] And then, uh, I think it was, it's, uh, uh, and then their fam and then the rest of the

[30:41] family sees them riding and then they go like ahead of them.

[30:45] And then the cop and then the, the, what are they?

[30:48] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[30:49] The triplets.

[30:49] Yeah.

[30:50] Well, I guess the characters in the first movie are now grown up in our motorcycle cops.

Sammy Kalan

[30:53] Um, they, they're chasing them.

[30:56] Uh-huh.

[30:56] And then they ride in, is it next that they ride into the Christmas tree?

Elliott Kalan

[31:00] Well, they ride through a movie theater that seems to be playing Spirit, uh, Stallion of

[31:03] the Cimarron, another, another Dreamworks.

[31:05] A movie that has been forgotten by time.

Sammy Kalan

[31:06] And then, and then, uh, uh.

[31:10] Then a Christmas tree.

[31:12] No, wait, no.

[31:13] And then, uh, precious Ted, Tim, the cup with the fake presents and the triplets ride through.

Elliott Kalan

[31:20] And the guy in the movie theater chair that they.

Sammy Kalan

[31:22] Oh, yeah, they, they, they, no, I'm saying when they crash through the movie screen.

[31:26] Oh, oh, sorry.

[31:27] Yeah.

[31:27] They crash through the movie screen.

[31:28] And there's one guy in the theater.

[31:30] Yep.

[31:30] And does he ride along with them?

[31:31] It's a man man.

Dan McCoy

[31:31] He gets tangled up in their wires.

[31:34] Much like when Spirit's down in the Cimarron played.

[31:35] There was one guy in the theater.

[31:36] Yeah, nobody in the theater.

Sammy Kalan

[31:37] And then, and then they crash through a Christmas tree with the mayor.

[31:41] And I think they.

[31:42] And the Christmas tree bursts into flame for some reason.

Elliott Kalan

[31:44] Uh-huh.

Sammy Kalan

[31:44] And then, by some reason, they ride into the snow and they become a huge snowball.

[31:50] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[31:51] Yeah, so it's a very, this movie gets more and more kind of hectic and hyperactive as it

[31:55] goes along, much like the snowball.

[31:56] It builds up speed until, by the end of the movie, it was hard for me to kind of keep track

[32:00] of the images I was seeing on screen.

[32:02] And you just have Jeff Goldblum spitting out one-liners, like, no matter what was happening

[32:06] on screen, whether he was on screen or not.

[32:08] Sure.

[32:08] It was very, it was, the movie just kind of, it was a little bit like you're on one of

[32:14] those spinny playground rides and you lose control of it and you're just, and you end

[32:19] up falling off of it.

[32:20] Anyway, so.

[32:21] And then.

[32:22] They get to the school.

[32:23] Uh-huh.

Sammy Kalan

[32:23] But, but they're, but the other, but the family's car is like right on the road that.

[32:28] Yeah, they almost get seen.

Elliott Kalan

[32:30] But, but they, they managed to pass by.

[32:32] So, uh, Tim has told his family that he's going to be on a, uh, brother's bonding trip.

[32:37] So that's how he covers up his absence.

Sammy Kalan

[32:38] And, and his brother Ted, uh, has this like, uh, helicopter.

[32:43] Uh-huh.

[32:43] And when they go upstairs into the attic, the helicopter, um, lifts off and leaves.

[32:49] Uh-huh.

[32:50] So it's like they're going on the trip.

[32:51] Uh-huh.

[32:52] And, but back to the school.

[32:54] Uh-huh.

[32:54] So they go.

[32:55] Um, so there's these colors.

[32:57] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[32:57] So describe the school, describe the school.

[32:58] It's like a futuristic kind of theme park, right?

[33:00] Uh-huh.

[33:00] Yeah.

[33:00] And there's, and there's all.

[33:02] The kids are all organized by colored badges.

Sammy Kalan

[33:03] Yeah, there's yellow, green, red, purple, and blue.

[33:07] And blue is the, is the highest.

[33:09] And yellow is the lowest.

[33:10] Yep.

[33:11] And Tim gets yellow.

Elliott Kalan

[33:13] Wait, uh, what does high mean and what does low mean, Sammy?

[33:16] Oh, that's a good question.

[33:17] What do you mean by the highest and the lowest?

Sammy Kalan

[33:18] Like, like the smartest kids go into blue and the, like, the, like, young babies go into yellow.

[33:25] And these babies are particularly.

[33:26] Is that saying that babies aren't smart?

[33:29] Uh.

Elliott Kalan

[33:30] Ooh, wow, he's caught you there, Sammy.

[33:32] Are you saying babies are not smart?

Sammy Kalan

[33:34] I'm saying that these babies are just learning.

[33:37] They're like.

[33:38] Okay.

[33:38] Good save.

[33:39] The babies are like.

[33:40] Trying to get him care.

[33:41] Cancel.

[33:41] This is why I want him to run for office.

[33:43] The mayor's kid is squirting glue on his face and sticks things to it.

[33:47] Yeah.

[33:47] And.

Elliott Kalan

[33:48] There's, there's a bit of a switcheroo where, uh, Tim.

[33:50] Tim gets yellow.

[33:51] Tim.

[33:52] Tim gets yellow and Ted gets blue.

[33:53] And then Tim tricks Ted.

[33:55] And so he ends up with blue.

[33:56] So he's in Tabitha's class.

[33:57] And to even get these uniforms.

[33:58] His own daughter's class.

Stuart Wellington

[33:59] To even get these uniforms, they had to pull a little Hitman Agent 47 action.

[34:03] Uh, wait a minute.

[34:04] Yeah.

[34:04] Uh, we're not talking about video games?

[34:06] I thought this was a video game podcast, guys.

[34:07] No, not anymore.

Sammy Kalan

[34:08] And Tim calls.

[34:09] Tim calls himself.

[34:10] Uh.

[34:11] What was it?

Elliott Kalan

[34:11] Marcos Lightspeed.

[34:12] Yeah.

[34:13] Is the name he gives in the class.

[34:14] Uh-huh.

[34:14] And there's, and I was so, he starts becoming friends with Tabitha.

[34:17] And I was so worrying.

[34:19] And Dan and Stuart will know what I mean.

[34:20] But Sammy won't, this was going to get into Back to the Future territory.

[34:22] Back to the Future territory.

[34:23] Luckily, it does not.

[34:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[34:24] Luckily, it does not get into Back to the Future territory.

[34:27] I thought it would be funny if, like, the producers of it were worried about that interpretation.

[34:35] Because it does feel like there's that tension in those scenes.

Elliott Kalan

[34:38] Oh, there's a scene later on where I think, where I feel like she's about to kiss him.

[34:41] And I was like, don't do this movie.

[34:43] When?

[34:43] When they're hanging out at her house.

Sammy Kalan

[34:46] At their house.

[34:47] Their house.

Elliott Kalan

[34:48] I know.

[34:48] Because, no, not Marcos Lightspeed's house.

[34:50] So, he-

Sammy Kalan

[34:51] Marcos Lightspeed doesn't exist.

[34:54] It's not like he's a kid that they capture.

Dan McCoy

[34:55] No, but I just thought it would be funny if, like, the producers, like, were, like, solved the problem in the most inappropriate way possible.

[35:07] Whereas, like, in all of those scenes together, they would just have, like, a subtitle to the bottom of that flashing saying, like, don't worry.

[35:13] Though she's too young to, like, fully understand this about herself yet, she's going to grow up to like girls.

[35:19] So, this is okay.

Elliott Kalan

[35:22] So, don't worry.

[35:23] You don't have to worry about that thing happening.

Sammy Kalan

[35:24] Back to how they get their uniforms.

Elliott Kalan

[35:28] Thank you for getting us back on track.

[35:29] Thank you.

Sammy Kalan

[35:30] Ted is rich, so he has, like, he, like-

Elliott Kalan

[35:35] So, he has a big roll of money, but where did he get it from?

[35:37] Because he was a naked baby not long before this.

[35:39] I don't know.

[35:40] Does he, like, keep it in his tush?

[35:42] Up his butt?

Sammy Kalan

[35:43] Yeah.

[35:44] Does he have to, like, poop it out?

Elliott Kalan

[35:45] Yeah.

[35:47] Yes, Amy, he does have to poop it out.

Sammy Kalan

[35:51] And he, like, he's, like, pulling bills out and throwing it on the ground.

[35:58] And these kids from Acorn School, they're picking it up and they go into a bush.

[36:06] And then they switch clothes.

Elliott Kalan

[36:09] Tim and Ted walk out wearing the uniforms.

[36:11] Now, let's just say, this is the Acorn School, not affiliated with Acorn, the former community activism organization.

[36:17] Cool.

[36:17] Thank you for saying that.

[36:18] And not affiliated with Acorn TV, bringing you the finest in British language television shows.

Stuart Wellington

[36:24] I do like that the uniform has, like, a little Elmer Fudd hat.

[36:27] I think that's great.

Elliott Kalan

[36:28] Yes.

[36:28] Shaped kind of like an acorn.

[36:30] They really go for that acorn stuff everywhere.

[36:32] It's like a detective's hat.

[36:33] Branded.

[36:33] Yes, it's like a big deerstalker cap.

[36:37] Like Sherlock Holmes wears.

[36:38] Exactly.

[36:38] Dan, does that pass your...

Dan McCoy

[36:40] I am very glad that Sammy knows what a deerstalker is by name.

[36:47] Because Dan's a big Sherlock Holmes fan.

[36:48] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[36:50] Sammy is unimpressed by Sherlock Holmes fandom.

Stuart Wellington

[36:53] I don't know why that should be impressive.

Elliott Kalan

[36:55] It's so...

Stuart Wellington

[36:56] I mean, haven't you seen Ready Player One, Dan?

[36:58] The most impressive thing you can be in the world is a fan of something.

[37:01] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[37:02] That's the cultural currency.

Elliott Kalan

[37:03] Yeah, it's more important to know about what happens in movies from actually before you were born,

[37:08] but when the writer of the thing was alive, and then to know how to fix a car, dig a well,

[37:15] you know, any of that kind of stuff.

[37:17] Start a fire in the woods.

[37:18] Not as necessary.

[37:19] If you were in the woods, and you had the choice between two skill sets, trapping animals and starting a fire,

[37:24] or knowing all the lines to Back to the Future, which one should you pick?

[37:28] Eh, wrong answer.

[37:29] You don't have to pick.

[37:30] You already know all the lines to Back to the Future because you're a genius.

Stuart Wellington

[37:32] But I feel like you'd be some kind of a bard-type figure or a scald where telling the story of Back to the Future would earn you a day's meal and rest from the hardworking people.

[37:44] Very much so.

Elliott Kalan

[37:44] I mean, it's essentially the plot of the play Mr. Burns in which the retelling of episodes of The Simpsons brings society back together.

[37:52] Oh, back to the movie, Sammy?

[37:53] Okay, so Tim goes to Tabitha's class, and he's really impressed by what a good student she is.

[37:59] And the class is more like just a game show.

[38:02] Like Armstrong appears.

[38:03] It's like Armstrong, the principal, appears on a view screen and just asks them questions in different topics.

[38:09] That's the whole school.

Sammy Kalan

[38:10] And it's like a competition.

[38:12] They're competing over.

[38:14] It's like a game show.

[38:15] They're competing over who can win.

Elliott Kalan

[38:17] Yes, and there are these two nerds there who are bullying Tabitha, and I had some real John Hodgman flashbacks.

[38:22] I have to admit.

Sammy Kalan

[38:23] One of the nerds, she never talks.

Elliott Kalan

[38:26] Yeah.

[38:26] And so Ted is really impressed by Tabitha.

[38:29] Meanwhile, Ted is stuck in this chaotic rubber room for babies.

[38:33] Oh, Tim.

[38:33] No, no, Tim is in the class.

[38:36] Ted is in the baby room.

[38:37] You said Ted was in the class.

[38:39] The baby room doesn't even have any grown-ups in it.

[38:41] It's literally just a padded cell.

[38:43] There's no other grown-ups in the school.

Stuart Wellington

[38:45] There's no grown-ups at all.

Elliott Kalan

[38:46] I guess that's Armstrong.

[38:47] Because Armstrong doesn't trust grown-ups.

Sammy Kalan

[38:48] And there's this tram that takes them there.

[38:51] Yeah.

[38:51] And Ted tries to convince the kids into making this machine because he sees a window and tries to get into blue.

Stuart Wellington

[39:02] Yeah.

[39:02] So Ted manages to...

Sammy Kalan

[39:04] And Tim wants to go to the principal's office so he can reveal who Armstrong is.

[39:09] Well, they have to go to the principal's office to plant the spy devices, right?

[39:13] And Tim thinks the only way to go to the principal's office is to get into trouble.

[39:21] So he's like kicking desks and that kind of stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[39:24] Yeah.

[39:25] And while Ted is organizing the babies to help him escape, Tim is being like a bad boy.

[39:31] All too tricky.

Stuart Wellington

[39:33] I do want to point out that we're supposed to assume that Tim has never been to his daughter's school.

[39:39] He seems shocked at every step of this process.

Elliott Kalan

[39:43] With COVID, I've never been inside my younger son's preschool.

Stuart Wellington

[39:46] I forgot that they mentioned that this was...

[39:48] Early on, they mentioned all the events are taking place during COVID.

Elliott Kalan

[39:52] There's a disclaimer that comes up that says, disclaimer, for plot purposes, when it helps

[39:57] us, this is taking place during COVID.

[39:58] When it doesn't help us, like the fact no one's wearing masks, this is not a COVID time.

Sammy Kalan

[40:02] In the beginning of the movie, it says that Tabitha's school is like the best and educational.

[40:07] But at the end of the movie, it seems like it's the worst school.

[40:11] It is, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[40:11] And also, it's supposed to be an exclusive school, but everyone in town's kids goes there.

[40:15] Because all the townspeople we've seen are there at the pageant later on.

[40:18] Okay, so, but Tim, he doesn't get sent to the principal's offices.

[40:23] He gets sent to solitary confinement in a sort of meditation room where Enya's Sail Away

[40:28] plays all the time.

[40:29] Yeah, it looked really fun.

[40:30] I would like to go to that.

[40:30] It's actually really relaxing.

Sammy Kalan

[40:32] Stay away, stay away.

Elliott Kalan

[40:34] Yeah, can you sing it, Sammy?

Sammy Kalan

[40:36] Is it Stay Away?

[40:38] Sail away, sail away, sail away.

Elliott Kalan

[40:42] So you don't know, Sammy, but before you were born, that song was all over the place.

Sammy Kalan

[40:47] And it just plays there, and he just sits there.

[40:51] And it's so relaxing.

[40:52] Everyone who goes there just falls asleep.

[40:55] And I think they call it The Box.

Elliott Kalan

[40:56] They call it The Box.

[40:57] And now, you also don't know, Sammy, because you weren't born yet, that the hardcore answer

[41:01] to Sail Away was, Sail Away!

[41:04] You can fly!

[41:05] Which was what, those ads for do-ars or something?

[41:08] It was, or it was some ad for some...

[41:10] I thought you were going to do sticks.

[41:10] I thought you were going to do, I'm sailing away.

[41:13] That one.

[41:14] No, no, that's also fairly soft.

[41:17] Sail Away, sail away, sail away.

Dan McCoy

[41:18] There were a lot of pure moods back then, though.

[41:21] Yep.

[41:21] Well, moods were so pure.

[41:22] If you were to give it the timeless pleasures of tubular bells, you were...

Elliott Kalan

[41:25] If you didn't hear DJ Dido's remix of the X-Files theme, then I don't know what you were doing.

[41:29] Sail Away, sail away, sail away, sail away, sail away.

[41:32] If you were, you know, a lot of times I just get home from school, throw my books on the couch, and just turn up the...

[41:38] Hey, hey, hey, return to innocence.

Dan McCoy

[41:43] Look at that brief vogue for chanting that came back.

[41:48] Sail Away, sail away, sail away.

Elliott Kalan

[41:50] Okay, Sammy, that's enough sailing away.

[41:51] So, okay, anyway, Ted escapes and gets to Armstrong's office, but Armstrong is there.

[41:55] He's not out of the office the way he was told it would be.

[41:57] Armstrong reveals almost instantly to Ted that he's actually a baby wearing a robot adult suit.

[42:03] He eats candy constantly.

Sammy Kalan

[42:04] And his head is the only part that you can really see of his real body.

Elliott Kalan

[42:08] But he wears a wig, right?

[42:09] Yeah.

[42:09] Because he's just a big, bald baby.

Sammy Kalan

[42:11] And you see very early on that he loves candy.

Elliott Kalan

[42:15] Yes, just like the Primus song about how Winona had a big, bald baby.

Sammy Kalan

[42:18] And at the end, and it seems like he uses, like, candy as, like, weapons.

Elliott Kalan

[42:24] Yeah, he loves candy.

[42:25] At certain points, he's just eating handfuls of sugar out of a bag that says sugar.

Sammy Kalan

[42:29] In one part, he's, like, dumping sugar into his mouth.

[42:35] Yeah.

[42:35] Every once in a while.

[42:36] He takes handfuls of, like, gumballs and stuffs them in his mouth.

[42:41] And that's how he ate the ladybug spy device.

[42:44] The spy device, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[42:45] Every once in a while, Audrey would make fun of me.

[42:47] Because she would be sitting, she was sitting next to me on the couch, not particularly watching Boss Baby.

[42:52] But she would go, oh, you love this movie.

[42:55] Because I would giggle at some of this stuff.

[42:57] And I did, this was a gag that I enjoyed.

[43:01] Once it was revealed that he was a baby, just every cut back to him eating other kinds of candy.

Elliott Kalan

[43:06] So I got a couple of questions here.

[43:08] One is.

[43:08] Okay.

[43:09] Lay them on us.

[43:09] So his head is.

[43:12] So this is a segment we do every week that's called, that's called BBQ&A.

[43:16] That's Boss Baby Question and Answers, hosted by Stuart Wellington.

[43:18] Thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[43:19] Yeah.

[43:19] So first question, obviously.

Elliott Kalan

[43:20] And here's the theme song.

[43:22] BBQ&A.

[43:23] Not a BBQ.

[43:24] I'm just going to check my phone when I do this.

[43:25] It's Boss Baby Q&A.

[43:27] Questions and Answers about that Boss Baby.

[43:29] And here's that Boss Baby himself, Stuart Wellington.

[43:31] Cool.

[43:32] So the, oh, thanks so much for having me on.

[43:34] He doesn't have yellow hair.

Stuart Wellington

[43:35] You know, I'm glad that I get a little bit of time.

[43:37] Well, you're the host.

[43:38] Yeah.

[43:38] I mean, that's the thing.

[43:40] Every moment is precious to me.

[43:41] He's just grateful.

[43:43] So the thing is, is that are we supposed to believe that though he is a baby, he looks

[43:48] like a grown-up, old, what I'm coded as Jewish man?

[43:52] And is this, second question, is this a commentary that old Jewish men look like babies?

[43:58] Elliot, what do you think?

Elliott Kalan

[43:59] I mean, all babies look like older gentlemen.

[44:02] I mean, that's the big joke.

[44:04] The big joke is that all babies look like Winston Churchill, who was not Jewish, but was a little

[44:07] bald old man.

[44:08] So I think it is, it is maybe a statement on the resemblance of old babies, or not old

[44:15] babies.

[44:15] Old babies are just grown-ups.

[44:17] A statement on the resemblance of young babies to old men.

[44:20] Because really, when you think about it, we're all Benjamin Buttoning.

[44:22] When we become old men, we turn into babies again in the looks of art.

[44:26] That's what that movie was saying, yeah.

[44:28] It's also possible that it's a commentary on Wallace Shawn, who is both an older gentleman

[44:32] and also looks like a baby.

[44:33] Even though he's not playing the part, he could have played the part if Jeff Goldblum had said

[44:37] no.

[44:37] Thankfully, for Jeff Goldblum's pocketbook, he said yes.

Sammy Kalan

[44:40] In the movie, Armstrong also says that when he was at his home, his parents would read him

[44:51] fancy books that would teach you a lot of stuff.

[44:57] And he was saying that his parents were very dumb and that he was very smart.

[45:05] But it seems like that his, like, they would, like, let him check out books.

[45:09] But you would think that they were really smart, too.

[45:12] One of them was like a scientist.

Elliott Kalan

[45:14] Yeah.

[45:14] So I'm not sure if what they're saying is that his parents made him too smart, that they

[45:18] made him listen to lots of Mozart and they read him smart books.

[45:21] Whether they made him too smart or whether even their level of smartness to him was dumbness

[45:27] because he is such a genius.

Sammy Kalan

[45:28] Uh-huh.

[45:29] And, and, like.

Elliott Kalan

[45:31] Because how do you think about, because I know you think you're smarter than me.

[45:34] So is it that I'm smart and you're super smart or I'm dumb and you're regular smart?

[45:38] I just can see it in your eyes.

Sammy Kalan

[45:40] I don't think you can.

[45:41] Okay.

[45:42] You can't read mine.

[45:43] Try to, try to read what I'm thinking about.

Elliott Kalan

[45:46] Yeah, yeah.

[45:46] Are you thinking about, okay, is it about the Dodgers?

[45:50] No.

[45:50] Is it about hot dogs?

[45:51] No.

[45:52] Is it about Boss Baby?

[45:53] Is it about Boss Baby?

[45:54] No.

[45:55] Okay.

[45:55] Is it about, uh, what are other things that you like?

[45:58] Is it about how you're going to eventually replace Elliot?

[46:01] Yeah.

[46:02] Is it about how you're going to replace me someday?

[46:03] No.

[46:03] Is it about penguins?

[46:04] No.

[46:05] Is it about scorpions?

[46:06] No.

[46:06] Is it about Legos?

[46:07] No.

[46:08] Is it about chicken nuggets?

[46:09] No.

[46:10] Is it about chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs?

[46:11] No.

[46:14] Is it about, uh.

[46:16] Go-gurt?

[46:17] Yeah.

[46:17] Is it about Go-gurt?

[46:17] No.

[46:18] No.

[46:18] Is it about, uh, having a, having a, uh, having a, uh, in your back pocket?

[46:23] What's the thing that Bart Simpson has in his back?

[46:24] A slingshot?

[46:25] Is it about having a slingshot in your back pocket?

[46:26] No.

Stuart Wellington

[46:26] Sammy, is it about, uh, is it about how pizza is circular but it comes in a box and it comes

[46:31] cut up in triangles?

[46:32] Come on.

[46:32] Just look at things I like.

Elliott Kalan

[46:34] Think about things you like.

[46:34] Is it about pizza?

Sammy Kalan

[46:35] No.

[46:36] That's another P thing.

Elliott Kalan

[46:37] Okay.

[46:38] Is it about Cars 3?

Sammy Kalan

[46:40] That's C, not P.

[46:42] Oh, wait.

Elliott Kalan

[46:42] So it is starts with P?

[46:43] Yes.

[46:43] I said penguins.

Sammy Kalan

[46:45] Yeah.

[46:45] Another P thing.

Elliott Kalan

[46:46] Oh, okay.

[46:46] So it's different than anything.

[46:47] Uh, Port-a-Potties?

[46:48] No.

[46:49] Popsicles.

[46:50] Parasoles.

Sammy Kalan

[46:50] It's another P-O thing.

Elliott Kalan

[46:52] Okay.

[46:52] Uh, Paul Prudhomme?

[46:54] Repair social relationships.

[46:54] No.

[46:55] That's my favorite.

Sammy Kalan

[46:57] Should I just tell you?

Elliott Kalan

[46:58] Politics.

[46:59] Yeah.

[46:59] No.

[47:00] Uh, uh, Port-a-Rossi?

Sammy Kalan

[47:03] P-O-K-I-E.

Elliott Kalan

[47:06] Poke?

[47:07] P-O-K-I-E.

Sammy Kalan

[47:08] M-O-N.

Elliott Kalan

[47:09] Oh, Pokemon.

[47:10] You spelled Pokemon a little off but that's okay.

[47:13] I should have guessed.

[47:14] I should have guessed you were thinking about Pokemon.

[47:15] Considering Sammy and his friends were playing Hangman yesterday and the word was Jolteon.

[47:19] Sammy's favorite Pokemon character.

S6

[47:20] Hey, you guessed what I was thinking about.

Elliott Kalan

[47:21] Yeah, Jolteon.

[47:22] Oh, it was about Jolteon.

[47:23] Okay.

[47:24] Right.

[47:24] So there you have it.

[47:25] I can read minds.

[47:26] You can read minds.

[47:27] Proof.

[47:28] Proof.

Elliott Kalan

[47:28] And a million guesses.

[47:29] If I have a million guesses and I know that it's about Jolteon, then I can read minds.

[47:33] So he recruits, so Armstrong recruits Ted to join him.

[47:36] But Ted, he says he's going to join him but he gets a message out to Tina.

[47:39] Ted and Tim have an argument.

[47:40] They don't want to work together anymore.

[47:42] And Tim sees Tabitha getting yelled at by the other kids at the holiday pageant rehearsal.

[47:46] Now here's the thing.

[47:47] And he finds that the mean kid whose name is Nathan.

[47:49] Thank you.

[47:50] I have it in my notes.

[47:51] He's setting Tabitha up to fail.

[47:52] Tabitha has a song solo, but she can't sing that well.

[47:55] So he's setting her up to fail.

Sammy Kalan

[47:56] The kid that's also in the bullies, who's like a president, who's playing the piano.

[48:01] Yeah.

[48:02] It's like, hey, can I sing?

[48:05] Can I sing?

[48:06] And Nathan's like, no, I want to see her fail.

Elliott Kalan

[48:10] Yeah.

[48:10] He wants her to fail in front of me.

[48:11] I understand that.

[48:12] And he just loves his hands.

[48:13] Now, listeners from the last episode where we watched the movie Space Jam know that I'm

[48:17] not a fan of scenes where a child is being yelled at and the parent stands by and does

[48:23] nothing.

[48:24] In this case, I'm going to give Tim a pass because he's in the body of a kid.

Sammy Kalan

[48:28] And how would Tabitha know that he was her dad?

Elliott Kalan

[48:34] Exactly.

[48:34] But he kind of does step in to help her out, right?

Sammy Kalan

[48:38] How?

Elliott Kalan

[48:38] I don't remember.

[48:39] Oh, yeah.

Sammy Kalan

[48:40] At the house, he tells her about how to imagine music notes and to sing better.

Elliott Kalan

[48:45] Well, that's a little later.

[48:46] But yeah, he helps her out.

[48:47] So anyway, Tim talks his way into going to his own house for dinner where they think he

[48:52] is this kid, Marcos Lightspeed.

[48:54] Ted finds Armstrong's secret research and development lab.

Sammy Kalan

[48:57] His parents are there and they think he's Tim.

[49:00] But then they're like, hey, Tim doesn't wear glasses.

Elliott Kalan

[49:03] Yeah.

[49:03] The parents were played by Jimmy Kimmel and Lisa Kudrow.

[49:06] Classic Clark Kent Superman situation.

Sammy Kalan

[49:09] Lisa Kudrow who plays Honey in House Broken.

Elliott Kalan

[49:11] Thank you.

[49:11] Yes, House Broken.

[49:12] Fox, Monday Nights at 9, featuring me on the writing staff.

[49:15] Thank you.

[49:16] Good work, Sammy.

[49:17] Good.

[49:17] Nice synergy there, Sammy.

[49:19] I appreciate that.

[49:20] Sammy believes in A, B, C.

[49:22] Always be calling out things that are marginally related to what you're talking about at the

[49:26] moment.

Sammy Kalan

[49:27] I think that's more than those.

[49:29] What?

[49:30] I think that's more than just A, B, C.

Elliott Kalan

[49:32] Yeah.

[49:33] That's the joke because it's more letters.

[49:36] I'll tell you later.

[49:37] Okay.

[49:37] Anyway, so Sammy hasn't fully finished his trip to comedy college yet.

Sammy Kalan

[49:43] I haven't even been to college.

[49:45] You what?

[49:45] I haven't been to college.

[49:46] What?

[49:46] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[49:48] Yeah, it turned out Sammy said he got a job under the false pretenses that he had a college

[49:52] degree, but he ended up having to admit it.

Sammy Kalan

[49:54] I did?

[49:55] Yeah.

[49:55] Where did you say you went to college?

[49:58] Nowhere.

Stuart Wellington

[49:59] Play along with the bit.

[50:00] Come on.

[50:01] More yes anding.

[50:03] Sammy's thinking hard now.

[50:04] Wait, which?

Elliott Kalan

[50:06] You say you went to Dartmouth.

Sammy Kalan

[50:10] What's that place?

[50:11] It's a college.

[50:13] I went to NYU.

Elliott Kalan

[50:14] NYU.

[50:15] Oh, you said you went to NYU.

[50:17] Oh, yeah.

[50:17] Yeah.

[50:18] Yeah.

[50:18] Oh, that's sweet.

[50:19] Oh, my alma mater.

[50:20] Yeah, yeah.

[50:20] Okay.

[50:21] My alma Hitchcock.

[50:23] Fake alma mater now, too.

[50:25] Oh, the other place.

Sammy Kalan

[50:26] Because I saw it on a license plate the other day.

Elliott Kalan

[50:28] Oh, the other place, Sammy was thinking of it, was UCLA, because he saw it on a license

[50:31] plate the other day.

[50:32] I base a lot of my decisions on that, yeah.

[50:34] You know, Tuesday, college.

[50:36] You say, universe, tell me where to go.

[50:38] And then a car drives by and you go, I'll go to Angeline School.

Dan McCoy

[50:42] A technical college.

[50:44] Well, I had no interest in VCR repair, but.

Elliott Kalan

[50:48] All right, car.

[50:48] I'll do it.

[50:49] So, Ted finds this laboratory, but he gets.

Sammy Kalan

[50:54] Can you tell me one word?

Elliott Kalan

[50:57] A word that starts with U?

[50:58] Uh-huh.

[50:58] Unicorn.

Sammy Kalan

[51:01] UCLA stands for Unicorn California Laugh Academy.

Elliott Kalan

[51:05] I love it.

[51:06] That's great.

[51:07] Perfect.

[51:07] Yeah.

[51:07] So, that's where Sammy's going.

[51:09] Comedy college for unicorns.

[51:10] Yeah, he's going to major in yuck yucks.

[51:12] Whoopsie.

[51:12] What was the whoopsie for?

[51:13] This.

Sammy Kalan

[51:15] Oh, that's fine.

[51:15] Here, don't play with that.

[51:16] It's broken.

[51:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:17] I was playing with that earlier.

[51:19] Yeah, please don't peel splinters out of the wood at the table.

[51:22] My foot bumped it, and there's one on the ground.

[51:24] Well, here, don't worry about it.

[51:25] So, Armstrong, he has a lab that's secured by baby ninjas that chase Ted, but Armstrong

[51:34] saves him from the ninjas.

[51:35] It's never really clear, are these ninjas that got turned into babies, or are they babies

[51:39] that were trained to be ninjas?

[51:41] Because let me just break it to you guys.

[51:42] Babies do not have the coordination necessary to be ninjas.

[51:45] Fair.

Sammy Kalan

[51:45] And you'll see in this scene that Armstrong is teaching babies how to code, and they create

[51:57] apps.

[51:58] And there seems to be this one app that they created that Ted loves.

Elliott Kalan

[52:02] Yes.

[52:02] It's like a, oh yeah, it's called, what is it called?

[52:04] It's like a business game app or something, or a stock trading app?

[52:06] Yeah, it's Stock Crush, I think it's called.

[52:08] Yeah.

Sammy Kalan

[52:08] And the one that he makes at the end that he says will change the world is called Cutie

[52:13] Snap.

Elliott Kalan

[52:13] Yep.

[52:14] And it's like an Instagram type app.

[52:15] So as with Space Jam, A New Legacy, this is a movie for kids that has a fair amount to

[52:19] do with the new digital economy.

Sammy Kalan

[52:21] But it does something that, but it does something that will, that the, but the app does something

[52:27] that will reveal, I will say at the end.

Elliott Kalan

[52:29] Yes.

[52:30] So Tim learns that Tabitha is nervous about her pageant because she's just not as good

[52:33] at being creative as her dad, who she really looks up to that way.

[52:36] And he's touched by it.

[52:38] We learn Armstrong's origin story.

[52:41] His parents made him too smart.

[52:42] And now he wants to teach kids around the world to say no to their parents and start

[52:45] what he calls B-Day, the baby revolution against parents.

Sammy Kalan

[52:48] Oh yeah, Daddy remembers like places all around the world.

[52:51] Yes.

[52:51] And like he's teaching the babies.

[52:54] He says, he says like something about like parents and he and the baby say no.

Elliott Kalan

[53:01] In their own languages.

[53:02] Yeah.

[53:03] All around the world.

[53:04] Around the world.

[53:08] Et cetera.

[53:09] Yeah.

[53:09] The song's just that over and over again, but it's still a catchy song.

[53:12] So Tim learns that his family finds him to be unreliable basically, but that Ted always

[53:18] looked up to him.

[53:19] He forgot about that.

[53:20] They were best friends as kids.

Stuart Wellington

[53:21] And he's doing this while he's undercover, right?

[53:23] And his parents, he's worried that his actual parents are going to figure out that he is a

[53:29] shrunk down version of their son, which is a bit interesting.

[53:32] But he has glasses.

[53:33] It's an interesting thing.

[53:34] But he has glasses.

[53:34] I know that he does have glasses.

[53:36] So he does have a bit of a disguise.

[53:38] But I feel like it would take a couple more leaps for them to be, to figure out what is

[53:42] actually happening.

[53:43] I think it's strange.

[53:44] Yes.

Sammy Kalan

[53:44] It's strange that when he shrinks, it's strange that he still has glasses because he didn't

[53:51] when he was younger.

[53:52] Yeah.

[53:52] He should have his young eyes, right?

[53:53] But if he had glasses, it should have been light blue because that's the color that he has.

[53:58] It shouldn't have been black.

Elliott Kalan

[53:59] Oh, sounds like Sammy found a goof that someone should put up on the IMDb page for this movie.

[54:05] Good work, Goof Finder.

[54:07] Goof Finder General.

[54:08] Goof Finder General.

[54:09] Yeah.

[54:09] Starring Vincent Price.

[54:11] So the, but it's true.

[54:13] If I was, so let's say I am an old man someday, you know, God willing.

[54:17] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[54:17] And you have light blue glasses.

Elliott Kalan

[54:19] And I have light blue glasses and I go to my shot, I go to Sammy's house.

[54:24] Yeah.

[54:24] For dinner.

[54:25] And there's a kid there who looks just like Sammy.

[54:27] My first instinct will be, hey, that's weird that that kid looks just like Sammy.

[54:30] Not, my son has de-aged back to being a child.

[54:34] That's what I'm trying to, sorry.

Dan McCoy

[54:35] I, well, yes.

[54:37] No, wait.

[54:38] But what if it looked exactly like Sammy?

Elliott Kalan

[54:40] Because, because the thing is with Superman and Clark Kent, he wears glasses, but it's not

[54:43] like people would be like, oh, he looks like a kid of Superman.

[54:47] That's weird.

[54:47] Yeah.

[54:47] Oh, he must be Superman.

[54:49] They're the same age.

[54:50] They're the same age, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[54:50] Maybe in the hands of horror maestro M. Night Shyamalan, maybe you would have quite a scary

[54:57] premise.

Elliott Kalan

[54:58] Yeah.

[54:58] Mm-hmm.

[54:59] Although now it makes me think that Superman, when he's Clark Kent, he should also brush just

[55:02] for men, touch a gray into his hair.

Sammy Kalan

[55:04] I can't remember what this means, but when he's having dinner at his house.

Elliott Kalan

[55:09] Mm-hmm.

[55:10] Sammy put his in quotes.

Sammy Kalan

[55:12] They, his parents say something, it's called like, what is it called, Tim Time?

[55:17] And he should, he says no because he's pretending to be a kid, but he really has to know because

[55:23] he is Tim.

Elliott Kalan

[55:24] Well, he, this is something, what they're saying is that since he's always late to things,

[55:28] they call it Tim Time, and that he say this behind his back.

[55:31] It's not something that he knew people said about him.

[55:33] Yeah.

[55:33] The same way that nobody knows that we call you Slimy Sammy, because you're always covered

[55:37] in slime.

[55:37] Uh-oh.

[55:38] Now the whole world knows.

[55:40] I'm not.

[55:40] Don't edit this out.

[55:42] Let me feel, hold on, let me, uh, slime free, you're right, it was just a boo.

Dan McCoy

[55:45] Yeah, it's true, he's not covered in slime.

Stuart Wellington

[55:47] You learn about that stuff when you major in yuck yucks at Unicorn California Laugh Academy.

[55:51] I don't trust it, because if his hand is covered in slime, it'll feel like his, he won't

[55:55] tell the difference whether it's slimy or not slimy.

Dan McCoy

[55:58] You're saying if the natural state is slime, then you can't.

[56:02] Okay, I don't know about, I mean.

[56:04] Dan, I really need you to back me up on this one.

[56:06] Okay, I'll back you up on this one.

[56:07] I'm already out of the room.

[56:08] This is the part, this is the part of the movie where he also.

Sammy Kalan

[56:13] Argument done.

Dan McCoy

[56:15] Thank you, Sammy.

[56:16] Back to the movie.

[56:17] Right after this, uh, the young version of Tim, the disguised, uh, Lightspeed or whatever

[56:25] his name is.

[56:25] Marcos.

[56:26] Marcos Lightspeed.

[56:27] Marcos is, like, helping Tabitha learn how to sing.

[56:30] Oh, yeah.

[56:30] By playing a guitar, and they go through, like, uh, sort of a visualization of, of musical

[56:36] notes, and.

[56:37] When he goes back.

Sammy Kalan

[56:38] While singing Cat Stevens song.

[56:40] Yeah.

[56:40] Back to the first, back to his first day at the school.

[56:43] Uh, um, uh.

[56:46] The joke, a joke I don't get is, uh, the mean kid, Nathan.

[56:50] Uh-huh.

[56:50] He says, um, Marcos Lightspeed, he's not that fast.

[56:55] Uh, but, uh, he all, he didn't, he answered the question wrong, but he, he was fast.

[57:01] He, they all raised their hands because they all knew, and he didn't know, so he raised his

[57:06] hand just in case, because he thought he would blend in.

[57:08] Yeah.

[57:09] But he got it wrong, but he still was fast.

Elliott Kalan

[57:11] I think Nathan's saying that his, his thinking was not that fast.

[57:14] Oh.

[57:14] But also, like, Nathan's not very good at being a bully.

[57:17] Like, as a, being, being kind of a brainiac nerd.

[57:20] So I think maybe he's just not good at any thoughts.

Sammy Kalan

[57:22] Also, uh, you say he's a nerd later, he, uh, he gets a chance to answer a question, but

[57:27] he gets it wrong.

Elliott Kalan

[57:29] Even nerds get things wrong.

[57:30] I'm horrible proof of that.

[57:31] I get things wrong all the time.

Sammy Kalan

[57:32] Oh, yeah, like colors.

[57:34] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[57:34] Like something you should know.

[57:35] I just wanted to say that, um.

[57:38] Sammy, making a reference to the fact that I have a, I have a form of colorblindness that

[57:41] makes it hard for me to tell certain shades apart, so.

[57:44] Uh, Legos.

[57:44] That's pretty funny.

[57:45] I was not aware of this.

Dan McCoy

[57:46] This is, uh, you learn new things about your old friends every day.

[57:49] Yeah, all the time.

[57:51] I won't, I won't dig into it.

Elliott Kalan

[57:52] So, Dan, you were going to talk about this abstract music video that they find themselves

[57:55] in.

Dan McCoy

[57:55] No, like, this, look, I know that this is a, a movie for children, and it's a movie about

[58:02] boss babies, so to get too annoyed at any inaccuracies is, is perhaps a fool's errand.

[58:09] But I did watch this thinking, like, no matter what the music man tells you, you can't learn

[58:14] how to do music via the think system.

[58:17] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[58:18] Like, simply.

[58:18] That you can't, you can't actually tell somebody just feel the music, and suddenly they're great

[58:22] at singing and playing guitar.

Dan McCoy

[58:23] Like, if they, if they, if they don't have a good sense of tone, then that's not going

Sammy Kalan

[58:27] to disappear.

[58:29] They could have done it earlier, but his, and they should have known.

[58:32] His family peeks in the crack of the door, of the door that's open, and, and his dad

[58:38] takes a picture.

Elliott Kalan

[58:39] Mm-hmm.

[58:40] Because he's always taking pictures.

[58:41] But that, but yeah, I agree.

[58:42] Dan, it is a, there is a, it is a weird thing to nitpick in a movie where.

[58:46] Did he take pictures?

Stuart Wellington

[58:47] Yes, he did.

[58:47] Using, using an app called Cutie Snap, which again, sounds like an app that old guys would

[58:52] use taking pictures of kids.

Elliott Kalan

[58:54] Yep.

[58:55] No.

[58:55] No, Cutie Snap is later.

[58:57] Here, Sammy, Sammy.

[58:57] But he's, I think he uses it there too.

[58:59] So, but Dan, you're right that in a movie where.

[59:00] No, but he doesn't get hypnotized.

[59:02] In a movie where there's, because that happens later.

[59:04] In a movie where there's a, where there's a magic corporation run by babies.

[59:07] It does seem a little weird to nitpick that you can't learn how to sing that easily, but

[59:11] maybe he's just tapping into her inborn talent.

Dan McCoy

[59:14] We nitpick the thing, like, I will accept the crazy thing because I know that that's, that's

[59:19] what the movie's about.

[59:20] Or the outlandish thing, rather.

[59:22] But I, I don't think that like, but, but if you're familiar with something from your life

[59:28] and then the movie adds that on and does it weird, it's kind of like, okay, movie, this

[59:34] is, it's not, it's not the, the, the tiny pony breaking into a, a sail away, a, isolation

[59:44] pod that bothers me.

[59:45] It's what you're saying.

Elliott Kalan

[59:46] Like, uh, like Alfred Hitchcock, like Alfred Hitchcock would say, you have to get the mundane

[59:50] details right so that the out of the, so that the impossible details don't feel fake.

[59:55] Yeah.

[59:55] That makes sense.

[59:56] I mean, it is, uh, I mean, but let's, let's.

[59:59] Let's fill in the gap.

[59:59] Let's try it.

[1:00:00] Dan, you try to teach me to sing.

[1:00:01] As everyone knows, I can already sing beautifully, but I'll pretend I can't sing.

[1:00:04] Try to teach me to sing just by kind of feeling the music, okay?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:07] Uh, okay.

[1:00:08] So, uh, Elliot, think of your, um, favorite song.

[1:00:12] Okay.

[1:00:12] Do you have it?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:13] Yeah.

[1:00:13] Might as well be walking on the sun.

[1:00:14] Got it.

[1:00:15] What?

[1:00:15] No, that's not your favorite song.

[1:00:16] Okay.

[1:00:16] By Smash Mouth.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:17] Visualize the notes as sort of just like big, bright, uh, colors on a staff.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:24] Okay.

[1:00:24] Yeah.

[1:00:25] Got it.

[1:00:25] Uh-huh.

[1:00:25] Okay.

[1:00:26] Big, bright notes.

[1:00:26] And they're all wearing sunglasses like the guy from Smash Mouth.

[1:00:29] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:29] Those are the people.

[1:00:30] Visualize yourself as the man from Smash Mouth.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:33] You got it.

[1:00:33] I'm doing it.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:33] Wearing a big bowling shirt.

[1:00:35] Okay.

[1:00:36] Now, sing.

[1:00:36] I'm a big bald dude.

[1:00:36] Sing your heart out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:38] You might as well be walking on the sun.

[1:00:41] Beep, boop, beep, boop, boop, boop.

[1:00:43] You know what?

[1:00:44] It works.

[1:00:44] Does he sing that part?

[1:00:45] Yes.

[1:00:45] It works.

[1:00:46] It works.

[1:00:47] It looks like Boss Baby Family Business knows what it's talking about.

[1:00:50] Okay.

[1:00:51] Okay.

[1:00:52] So, um, long story short, uh, Tina gives Ted a letter that Tim wrote as a kid about how

[1:00:58] they'd always be together forever.

[1:01:00] Uh, and Tina, in order to get them to spend more time together, pretends that Baby Corps

[1:01:06] is not going to do anything to stop Andersons.

[1:01:08] They're going to have to do it themselves, working together as brothers.

Sammy Kalan

[1:01:11] At Armstrong.

[1:01:12] What?

[1:01:13] Armstrong.

[1:01:14] Yeah, yeah.

[1:01:14] What'd I say?

[1:01:15] You said Anderson.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:15] Oh, I was thinking of Pea Soup Anderson.

[1:01:17] Uh, the, uh, the restaurant that you drive by in California on the highway, but they only

[1:01:22] serve pea soup.

[1:01:22] That makes sense.

[1:01:23] Yeah.

[1:01:24] Never gone there.

[1:01:25] We've never gone there.

[1:01:25] We've driven by it.

[1:01:26] It's got a big windmill and we know they serve pea soup because it's in the name.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:29] It's huge.

[1:01:30] Yeah.

[1:01:30] Maybe that's a misdirect though.

[1:01:31] Maybe that's just to get you through the door and then when you're disappointed, they offer

[1:01:34] you all their other wares.

Sammy Kalan

[1:01:36] In the gap between, in the gap between, uh, Los Angeles and, uh, San Francisco.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:42] Yeah.

[1:01:43] And so you're saying you walk in there and you go, I'll have some of your famous pea soup

[1:01:46] as mentioned in the name, the titular pea soup.

[1:01:48] And they go, oh, I'm so sorry.

[1:01:50] We are out of the pea soup today.

[1:01:52] Uh, but perhaps I could interest you in some of a, and it's like some sort of a fancy scallop

[1:01:56] dish or lobster or something more expensive.

Sammy Kalan

[1:01:58] What if he says, uh, what if there's like different kinds of pea soup and you're like, can,

[1:02:03] can I have some pea soup?

[1:02:05] And he's, and, uh, he's like, what kind of pea soup?

[1:02:08] Uh-huh.

[1:02:09] Um, what kind of pea soup?

[1:02:10] And you say, I want pea soup.

[1:02:12] And he said, and then he says, what kind?

[1:02:15] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:15] And then he says, is he going to give me the options or do I have to guess?

Sammy Kalan

[1:02:18] Uh, he, he gives you the options and, and you're like, he, and then he's like, pea soup,

[1:02:24] pea soup with croutons, pea soup with, with peas.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:29] So pea soup with peas would be, with peas would be what?

[1:02:31] With carrots.

[1:02:32] Would be pea soup with whole peas just thrown into it?

[1:02:34] Yeah, sort of like a crunchy peanut butter pea soup.

Sammy Kalan

[1:02:36] So really it's just, so really it's just, so really the only pea soup is, is a pea soup

[1:02:42] with peas.

[1:02:43] It's the only flavor.

[1:02:45] So regular, so it's really just, uh, regular flavored broth.

[1:02:50] Okay.

[1:02:51] Um, but they call it pea soup.

[1:02:53] Okay.

[1:02:54] Uh, but it's really only pea soup with the pea soup with peas.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:57] Oh, I see.

[1:02:57] So if you don't get it with peas, it's not pea soup.

[1:02:59] Yeah.

[1:02:59] Okay.

Sammy Kalan

[1:03:00] So there's pea soup with carrots, pea soup with celery.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:03] Okay.

[1:03:04] Speaking of soup, what soup are you, uh, are sipping on there, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:08] Oh, what's that you got there, Stuart?

[1:03:09] Oh, it's a big, uh, it's a big container of pea soup.

[1:03:12] Uh, pea soup with croutons.

[1:03:13] Is that still technically pea soup, Sammy?

[1:03:16] What, what am I drinking right now?

Sammy Kalan

[1:03:19] It, it looks like you're drinking Jell-O.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:21] It does look like I'm drinking Jell-O because that's actually what I'm drinking.

[1:03:25] I took some Jell-O.

[1:03:26] I made it into a liquid again, poured a bunch of vodka on it, and I'm just trying to get

[1:03:31] through this podcast.

[1:03:32] You know, that's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:34] Sammy has a shocked look on his face.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:37] Yeah.

[1:03:38] And that was, so that was another, that was another regular segment.

[1:03:40] Soup stew.

[1:03:41] That's where Stu tells us what soup he's drinking right now.

[1:03:44] So back to the movie, uh, they have to stop Armstrong at the pageant, this big winter

[1:03:49] pageant we've been hearing about before the kid formula wears off.

Sammy Kalan

[1:03:53] And then they, and they find, and baby Tina tells them that, that, uh, there's a main

[1:03:59] switch, uh, that can like turn the power off.

[1:04:02] Mm-hmm.

[1:04:02] So it, so it can like stop the hypnotizing.

[1:04:06] Oh, yeah.

[1:04:06] And, and there's a, when she's singing, she, she keeps her eyes closed, but she, if she

[1:04:12] keeps them open, she'll notice that they're all getting hypnotized.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:14] Well, we haven't even talked about the hypnosis yet.

[1:04:16] So, okay.

[1:04:17] Uh, every pageant time.

Sammy Kalan

[1:04:18] But then they, I want to talk more about the main switch.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:21] Wait, wait, we're going to.

[1:04:21] So the main switch will shut off.

[1:04:22] Okay.

Sammy Kalan

[1:04:22] I want to tell them about the main switch.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:24] Okay.

[1:04:24] When we get to the main switch, you can tell them about it.

[1:04:26] You really take it with the switch, huh?

[1:04:28] I know you're excited about this switch and how main it is.

[1:04:30] Because.

[1:04:31] Wait, wait.

[1:04:31] So everyone is at the pageant and Armstrong reveals to Ted that today is B-Day and his

[1:04:37] app, Cutie Snaps, uh, is actually a hypnosis app.

[1:04:41] And once you take a picture with it, it hypnotizes the parents.

[1:04:44] Uh-oh.

[1:04:45] And he tries to, to shut off the main switch, right?

Sammy Kalan

[1:04:48] Oh, yeah.

[1:04:49] They, they go back, um, and they go back to the back of the stage and.

[1:04:54] The backstage.

[1:04:55] Yeah.

[1:04:55] Backstage.

[1:04:56] And, uh, Tina tells them that, baby Tina tells them that there is a main switch that

[1:05:02] can turn the power off.

[1:05:04] And they, they flip the, uh, and they're fighting over.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:09] Well, Tim is supposed to turn it off, but he's like, oh no, it's Tabitha's turn to sing.

[1:05:13] I can't miss that.

[1:05:14] And Ted, he sneaks backstage by way of pretending to be Jesus in the manger.

[1:05:20] That's your God, idiots.

Sammy Kalan

[1:05:21] So it's like a Jesus play.

[1:05:22] It's like a Jesus play that's on.

[1:05:24] Tabitha is an angel that's, who's, who's singing.

[1:05:27] And there's a, this doll that's pretending to be Jesus in the cradle.

[1:05:31] I mean, I know the doll is pretending to be Jesus.

[1:05:33] Well, it is Jesus.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:34] It's a prop.

[1:05:35] It's a prop that's representing the baby Jesus.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:38] It's ironic because they've got a lot of babies at the school.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:40] They just stick one in there.

[1:05:41] What is real?

Sammy Kalan

[1:05:43] And Ted, and Ted, um, throws off the babies, the, like, he throws the baby out and somehow

[1:05:50] how he gets this, like, gold, gold wraps.

[1:05:54] Yeah.

[1:05:54] And he puts it around himself.

[1:05:56] And then instantly, like a second later, he takes them off and runs back to the stage.

[1:06:01] So there's no.

[1:06:03] He does a little tap dance as Jesus.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:04] He protects him as baby Jesus for that second.

[1:06:05] Yeah.

[1:06:05] But it would have made more sense.

[1:06:07] It would have been more surreptitious if he did not get on stage, become the star of

[1:06:11] the show for a moment, and then run backstage.

Sammy Kalan

[1:06:12] I'm on Tim's side because, because when they flip the switch, uh, um, they get trapped by

[1:06:19] the, by the ninja babies.

[1:06:22] Yeah.

[1:06:22] And Armstrong comes in and reveals that it's just like a paper.

[1:06:27] It's just like paper that says main on it, but he throws the paper off and it says trap

[1:06:34] underneath.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:34] Yeah.

[1:06:35] So he actually, it was a trap the whole time.

[1:06:38] And Armstrong has now trapped Ted and Tim.

[1:06:41] And they're still arguing with each other.

[1:06:42] Uh-oh.

[1:06:43] They get put in the box where the Enya song plays and it starts flooding.

[1:06:46] That's right.

[1:06:47] We're going to see a child and a baby drown to death in this movie.

[1:06:50] Sail away, sail away, sail away, sail away.

[1:06:52] Thank you.

[1:06:53] Yes, the sail away song.

[1:06:54] Can I, can I, can I talk about that?

[1:06:55] Sammy's found his, Sammy's discovered his I'm blue.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:58] And now, Stuart, yes?

[1:07:00] So while this is going on, Tabitha is singing her solo.

[1:07:03] And one of my favorite things is going on.

[1:07:06] She's scanning the audience for her dad.

[1:07:08] And I swear there must be a guy who runs lights at these events who's like, put spotlights on all the empty seats so kids can see when their absent fathers are not there.

[1:07:18] Like, you know that's a thing that people are like, this is going to be hilarious.

Sammy Kalan

[1:07:23] And all the seats are black.

[1:07:24] And it's like, and it's like, they're all black.

[1:07:27] But like, you don't even see, when, when Tabitha opens her eyes and her song is done, she's like looking into the crowd to see her parents like clapping.

[1:07:35] But she notices the crowd is all black.

[1:07:38] It's all black.

[1:07:39] It's all dark, yeah.

[1:07:40] There should be little purple dots for the hypnosis eyes.

[1:07:44] Yes, very true.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:46] Because they're all using, they're all using cuties.

[1:07:48] She sings beautifully like an angel, like the angel she is perched on top of a Christmas tree.

[1:07:52] Not a safe place for a kid to be standing.

[1:07:54] The Christmas tree looks to be about 50 feet tall.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:55] Nor is she singing a Christmas song.

[1:07:57] It's just like a weird, like, friendship song.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:59] It's a song about working together and being together and united we stand, divided we'll fall and united we stand or something like that.

[1:08:05] Not a holiday song.

[1:08:05] At least, at least there's.

[1:08:06] Yeah, then she puts a MAGA hat on and she's like, yeah, well the right people need to stay united.

[1:08:10] At least there's a very, at least there's a very thin ladder.

[1:08:13] Yeah, there's a very thin ladder.

[1:08:14] True, good point.

[1:08:15] At least there's an incredibly narrow, dangerous ladder.

Sammy Kalan

[1:08:18] And it's like, she gets sad at the end of the song, so she climbs down.

[1:08:22] It's like, she would climb, it seems like in the movie she would only climb down because she's sad, but she would normally do that.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:29] Yeah, she would have to climb down anyway.

[1:08:30] She doesn't live on top of that Christmas tree.

[1:08:31] And this is the moment in the movie that I had to clean my glasses and then I, like, realized with horror that Audrey would think I was crying at this song.

[1:08:42] And she did.

Sammy Kalan

[1:08:43] And then suddenly, this isn't real, but what if she was standing on there and she was staying on top of there, suddenly a house fell from the sky?

[1:08:54] Wait, why would that happen?

Dan McCoy

[1:08:55] Yeah, what if that did happen?

Sammy Kalan

[1:08:56] It's crazy because that would be her house if she lived on top of there.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:00] That's a good point.

[1:09:01] If she lived there, she'd be home already.

[1:09:03] She would need a house.

[1:09:04] She would need a house.

Sammy Kalan

[1:09:06] Yeah, and she would, if she had a house, I mean, they could lift up her house for the song there.

[1:09:12] Uh-huh.

[1:09:13] And then when her song was done, they would just drop the house on her.

[1:09:17] And one of the walls could crush her, actually.

[1:09:19] Oof, that would be terrible.

[1:09:20] Why would that happen?

[1:09:21] And then the only, like, a circle of it survives because it's a very small circle at the top.

[1:09:29] Yeah.

[1:09:29] So it just, like, crumbles down.

[1:09:31] Okay.

[1:09:31] That makes sense.

[1:09:32] Interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:32] The rest would fall to the ground because the tree can only hold up so much.

[1:09:35] Uh-huh.

[1:09:35] Yes.

[1:09:35] Okay.

[1:09:35] Well, that's the way the movie ends.

Sammy Kalan

[1:09:37] No, it can't just hold up.

[1:09:38] It's very small.

[1:09:40] So, like, it was supported by the other half, but it couldn't, the middle of it couldn't handle the whole outside.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:48] I think you're going to need to draw me a diagram.

[1:09:49] So, yeah, very Franklin Lloyd Wright over here.

[1:09:52] Franklin Lloyd Wright?

[1:09:53] Yeah.

[1:09:53] Is that his name?

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:55] The dude who did the falling water house?

[1:09:56] Yeah.

[1:09:57] Yeah.

[1:09:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:58] I think he would say, just call me Frank.

[1:10:00] Yeah.

[1:10:00] Just call me Frank Lloyd Wright.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:02] Not Frank.

[1:10:03] Oh, whatever.

[1:10:03] I don't care.

[1:10:04] He's not going to be listening to this.

[1:10:06] No.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:07] No, he's not.

[1:10:09] That's very true.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:10] No, no.

[1:10:11] I'm safe.

[1:10:11] So, all the adults are hypnotized.

Sammy Kalan

[1:10:14] It's never clear if Armstrong, his real name is Armstrong.

[1:10:17] If his first name is Armstrong or last name.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:20] No, his name is like Erwin Armstrong or something like that.

[1:10:23] Nah.

Sammy Kalan

[1:10:23] Like Erwin Al?

[1:10:24] I don't think it is that.

[1:10:24] I think they just call him Armstrong.

[1:10:26] Okay.

[1:10:26] Principal Armstrong.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:27] I mean, according to Wikipedia, his name is Dr. Erwin Armstrong.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:30] Oh, wow.

[1:10:32] You got roasted, Sammy.

[1:10:33] Oh, wow.

[1:10:33] Sammy didn't check it.

[1:10:34] You messed with the best.

[1:10:35] Sammy didn't cross his T's and dive his eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:37] Mm-hmm.

[1:10:38] Mm-hmm.

[1:10:38] Got to check it.

[1:10:39] Check it before you wreck it, Sammy.

[1:10:41] Anyway.

[1:10:41] Oh, don't feel bad.

[1:10:42] It's okay.

[1:10:43] It's fine.

[1:10:44] Oh, okay, great.

[1:10:44] It's fine.

[1:10:45] So, the adults are all hypnotized.

[1:10:47] Tim and Ted are in the box.

[1:10:49] Luckily, Tabitha's finished her song, but she's crushed because her dad is not there.

[1:10:53] As Stuart mentions, a spotlight has been cast on the one empty seat where her dad should

[1:10:56] be.

Sammy Kalan

[1:10:56] And then it flashes to the front of the school where, oh, yeah, back to the box.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:05] Back to the box.

[1:11:06] Wait, Tim blames himself.

[1:11:07] Yeah.

[1:11:08] And Ted says, no, you're a great dad and I'm lonely without a family.

[1:11:10] And they apologize to each other for not being there for each other.

Sammy Kalan

[1:11:13] And then they fall underwater.

[1:11:15] And then does Ted whistle underwater?

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:19] Ted whistles underwater, I think.

Sammy Kalan

[1:11:21] Uh-huh.

[1:11:21] And Precious comes and breaks all.

[1:11:25] So, it's like glass that separates the colors.

[1:11:28] And for, like, the first three, there's, like, trams that go.

[1:11:32] And so, and Precious runs through them and breaks all the glass.

[1:11:35] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:35] Precious bursts through the front of the school and kicks them out of the box, saving their

[1:11:40] lives.

[1:11:40] Meanwhile, Armstrong has declared it's B-Day.

[1:11:43] He's danced to push it on stage as his true self, a little bald baby, not in his adult

Sammy Kalan

[1:11:49] And the parents are all following him because they are hypnotized.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:52] Yeah.

[1:11:52] So, he demands they give a standing ovation to Tabitha.

[1:11:55] Tina reveals the truth about baby court at Tabitha.

[1:11:57] And they plan to go overheat the school's servers, which are inside the giant acorn in the atrium.

[1:12:03] Of course.

Sammy Kalan

[1:12:04] And then they have a big fight.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:05] They have a big fight.

Sammy Kalan

[1:12:07] And Tina is in Armstrong's other suit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:12] Tina has taken over Armstrong's other robot body.

Sammy Kalan

[1:12:15] And they are, and they say they're going to meet at the acorn.

[1:12:20] And so, Tim and Ted go over to the acorn too because they have to meet there.

[1:12:26] And then, but Armstrong's at the bottom and uses these lollipops.

[1:12:29] He licks them and then throws them at them.

[1:12:31] Licks them and sticks them.

[1:12:32] And they're stuck.

[1:12:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:33] Tim and Ted are almost entirely useless in the climax of this movie.

[1:12:37] It becomes a Tina-Tabitha team up.

[1:12:39] A T-T-T-O up.

Sammy Kalan

[1:12:41] And then, and then they go, and then it goes, and then he climbs up.

[1:12:45] And it's straight because to open the acorn, they need the hand from the suit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:49] Well, here's, here's, okay.

[1:12:51] This is something I brought up with Sam while we're watching it.

[1:12:52] To get into the acorn, the suit, where the controls are that control all of Armstrong's evil plot.

[1:12:58] There's a handprint identification thing.

Sammy Kalan

[1:13:00] Then you need the hand from the suit.

[1:13:01] You need the hand from the suit.

[1:13:02] And they're both right in the suit.

[1:13:05] And Tabitha's over there, closer to the door.

[1:13:10] Right in front of her is the door.

[1:13:13] And Tina pops off on the hands, tosses it over to Tabitha.

[1:13:18] Tabitha puts it on, and then the door opens.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:21] So wouldn't, if you had a handprint analyzer, wouldn't you want to use your real handprint that nobody else has, rather than a robot handprint that you have a spare version of?

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:29] That's something when you're a mecha pilot, Elliot, is that it's tough to know where the pilot ends and the mecha begins.

[1:13:35] Also, everyone.

[1:13:35] Oh, good point, good point.

[1:13:36] Because man and machine meld together.

[1:13:38] I'd like to have a good point.

[1:13:39] I have a good point.

Sammy Kalan

[1:13:40] I have a good point.

[1:13:40] I have a good point, Daddy.

[1:13:42] I'd like to.

[1:13:42] Daddy, I have a good point.

[1:13:43] When would he go?

[1:13:44] The only time that.

[1:13:45] I didn't know I could do that.

[1:13:47] There's nighttime, because everyone would see him.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:49] Yeah, during the school day, it would be hard for the principal of the school to climb like a monkey up a tree, and then get into a secret laboratory at top of a giant acorn.

[1:13:57] Without arousing suspicion.

[1:13:58] And reveal he is a baby.

[1:13:59] And reveal he is a baby, true.

[1:14:01] But Stuart makes a good point.

[1:14:02] When you're a mech pilot, the mech is an extension of yourself.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:05] So it needs to handprint.

[1:14:06] Not to evangelize Evangelion, but, you know.

Sammy Kalan

[1:14:11] And they go into there, and Tabitha keeps about to turning it off, but then Armstrong is, like, crushing the control panel.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:21] Yeah, and Armstrong has so many one-liners at this point, and so many puns.

[1:14:25] Yeah.

[1:14:25] And it's just, and finally they're able to destroy, time is up, the formula starts wearing off of Tim and Ted, they start de-aging, they start aging again.

[1:14:33] Tina and Tabitha, they finally destroy the servers by.

Sammy Kalan

[1:14:35] And Ted's, Ted's, um, baby suit, it, it, like, get, it stays its size.

[1:14:42] Oh, Tim's.

[1:14:42] Ted's.

[1:14:43] Tim's.

[1:14:43] Ted's.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:44] Ted is the blonde baby.

Sammy Kalan

[1:14:45] Yeah, I know, I'm talking about Ted.

[1:14:47] Oh, his suit stays the same size.

[1:14:48] Ted stays the same size as Ted gets bigger, and it's still, and it's really tiny on him.

[1:14:54] But Tim's, uh, he's, he pretends, he has to be the snowflake in it, because, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:00] That was how he snuck into the, snuck into the pageant.

[1:15:02] Uh.

[1:15:02] But his, his costume grows with him, right?

Sammy Kalan

[1:15:04] Yeah.

[1:15:05] When he, he grows, the costume, it, it grows as he grows.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:10] So, that's another thing for the, Sammy's discovered another goof that should go on the IMDb page, that Tim's clothes change shape with him as he ages, whereas Ted's are broke, rip, and don't fit.

[1:15:20] So, why would, uh, it just doesn't make sense, right?

[1:15:23] Mm-hmm.

[1:15:24] Why, why, why, it, vote on the goof section.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:26] What was the other goof I had?

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:27] The other goof was, uh.

[1:15:29] Glasses.

[1:15:30] I don't remember.

[1:15:31] It was glasses.

[1:15:31] Oh, glasses.

[1:15:32] Oh, yeah.

[1:15:32] Why, why, why does he have glasses as a kid when he, when he was a kid, he didn't wear glasses?

Sammy Kalan

[1:15:35] No, no, why does he have light blue glasses as a grown-up, but when he changes into a kid, he has black glasses.

[1:15:43] I don't know.

[1:15:44] I don't get it.

[1:15:44] The effect of the serum.

[1:15:45] And he would wear glasses, he would probably have the light blue ones.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:48] Yeah, you would think so.

[1:15:49] The serum.

[1:15:49] In style.

[1:15:50] All glasses begin life as black glasses, and they only become light blue over time.

[1:15:54] And they age and become light blue glasses, I see.

[1:15:57] It's sun bleaching.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:58] It's a pretty complex topic.

Sammy Kalan

[1:15:59] It's the opposite for my dad.

[1:16:01] He wears, he used to wear light blue glasses, and now he wears black.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:05] Yeah, because my glasses are getting younger.

[1:16:06] Yeah.

[1:16:07] They're Benjamin Button glasses.

[1:16:07] Benjamin Buttoning.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:08] I think that's a concept we've addressed.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:09] Yeah, I got them from Warby Benjamin Button.

[1:16:13] So, make a long story even slightly shorter.

[1:16:16] Tabitha and Tina, they managed to destroy the computer server by, you guessed it, mixing

[1:16:21] Mentos with soda and filling the thing with bubbles.

Sammy Kalan

[1:16:25] No, well, Armstrong is like, he's like so happy, he's celebrating, and he pours a big glass

[1:16:32] of, what is it, soda?

[1:16:33] Yeah, it just says soda pop or something.

[1:16:35] Uh-huh.

[1:16:35] Yeah, and he pours it, and there's all this, oh yeah.

[1:16:39] And, well, during the, well, skip to before he's pouring the soda.

[1:16:44] Skip to before?

[1:16:45] Yeah, go.

[1:16:47] Rewind.

[1:16:47] Go back to before.

[1:16:49] Yeah.

[1:16:49] Rewind to before he's doing the soda.

[1:16:53] Sure, yeah.

[1:16:53] They keep punching each other with the robot one.

[1:16:56] Yep.

[1:16:56] Tina's, the one that Tina's in, the top part, like the cover, it fell off, and Armstrong's

[1:17:04] the bottom fell off.

[1:17:05] So, Tina's punching the bottom, and candy just keeps falling out of it.

[1:17:10] Oh, that's funny.

[1:17:11] And, and then.

[1:17:12] And a tube of Mentos falls out.

[1:17:14] Yeah.

[1:17:15] And go back to when he's pouring the soda.

[1:17:17] He's pouring the soda.

[1:17:18] They take, they take some of the Mentos from the ground and put it, and put, and pour them

[1:17:25] into the soda so it explodes everywhere.

[1:17:27] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:28] Just like we've seen in all those videos.

[1:17:30] Again, this is before you were born, Sammy.

[1:17:31] That's why they put it in this movie, because it's a reference to a thing from before you

[1:17:34] were born, the target audience, that when you put Mentos into soda, it gets all foamy.

[1:17:39] So, they did it.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:40] I think people are still aware of that.

[1:17:42] I don't know that there's a.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:43] They don't teach it in schools anymore, I don't think, thanks to critical race theory.

Sammy Kalan

[1:17:46] They capture Armstrong.

[1:17:49] They capture Armstrong.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:51] Uh-huh, yeah.

[1:17:51] They capture, they capture Armstrong the baby.

[1:17:54] And Stuart liked my, my, my joke about the, as my character of the parent who's mad that

[1:17:58] they're teaching race theory and not Mentos in school anymore.

[1:18:01] Daddy, daddy.

Sammy Kalan

[1:18:01] Yeah.

[1:18:01] I want to tell them about the part at the end.

[1:18:04] Sure, yeah, do it.

[1:18:05] With Armstrong.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:06] Okay.

[1:18:06] Well, let's, well, we'll get, when we get to that part, we'll tell them, okay?

[1:18:08] Tim and Ted return to their, Tim returns to his normal age just in time to catch Tabitha

[1:18:13] who is falling from the tree.

[1:18:14] Yeah, yeah.

[1:18:15] And they're reconciled.

[1:18:16] Armstrong is lonely seeing these, this family reunited.

[1:18:19] The adults are all unbrainwashed and start applauding.

[1:18:21] I don't think they know what's going on, but for some reason they know to applaud

[1:18:24] that something has happened.

[1:18:25] Uh, Tina reveals that her real mission from Baby Corps was to get Ted and Tim back together.

[1:18:31] And stopping Dr. Armstrong from overthrowing the human grown-up world was just a bonus.

[1:18:37] We go back to their home for Christmas.

[1:18:39] They're a big family.

[1:18:40] Uh, Ted gives Tim a big statue of Tim holding a mug that says, world's greatest dad.

Sammy Kalan

[1:18:44] And, and there's a letter that says.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:46] There's a letter that's like, you're the best.

[1:18:48] Uh, I love you.

Sammy Kalan

[1:18:49] I'm sorry that I couldn't be there.

[1:18:51] But then, but then, uh, Tim gets hit by a snowball and it turns out it's Ted and he

[1:18:56] is here.

[1:18:57] It was a trick.

[1:18:58] And how could he have, how could he have delivered those presents not being there?

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:02] Well, he might've hired like a, like a, like a task writer.

[1:19:04] Santa Claus.

Sammy Kalan

[1:19:05] I don't know.

[1:19:06] Okay.

[1:19:06] Yeah.

[1:19:06] But he also, but someone also like razor knocks on the door.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:10] Well, they get to tell them the packages are there.

[1:19:11] I mean, often we, we get a knock on the door and then I'll go there and there's nobody there.

[1:19:14] Yeah.

[1:19:14] And magically our CSA produce has been delivered.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:17] Yeah.

[1:19:18] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:18] But then you see someone exit the gate.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:20] Yes.

[1:19:20] That's true.

[1:19:21] Uh, so they play like brothers in the snow and the whole family goes out and it seems

[1:19:24] that Carol learns Tina's secret.

[1:19:26] Who's Carol?

[1:19:27] Carol is Tim's wife.

[1:19:28] Okay.

[1:19:29] Uh, played by your favorite, Eva Longoria.

[1:19:30] And they're all a happy family.

[1:19:33] And that's when we get the final little coda.

[1:19:35] What happens when they're all a happy family?

Sammy Kalan

[1:19:37] At the, uh, so like, what does Tina say?

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:40] No, no, at the, she's like, Tim's like, well, that's the whole story.

[1:19:44] And Tina's like, well, there's one more thing.

Sammy Kalan

[1:19:46] And it, uh, it goes to Armstrong returning to his own house and his parents are so happy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:52] Yes.

[1:19:53] As I would be, Sammy, if you ran away and then came back.

[1:19:56] I would be so happy.

[1:19:56] Don't run away though.

[1:19:57] Just come back.

[1:19:58] I'm happier with you just staying here.

[1:20:00] Okay.

[1:20:00] That's a lesson.

Sammy Kalan

[1:20:01] That's a lesson, kids.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:03] That's a lesson, kids.

[1:20:04] To all the kids listening from the flop house, what's the lesson, Sammy?

Sammy Kalan

[1:20:08] Don't run away.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:09] That is a good lesson.

[1:20:10] That's a good lesson.

[1:20:10] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:11] Guys, did you know that Ray Davies has a songwriting credit for Push It?

[1:20:15] Because it quotes, boy, you really got me going.

[1:20:17] You got me so I don't know what I'm doing.

[1:20:19] That's cool.

[1:20:20] Really?

Sammy Kalan

[1:20:20] Every flop house episode, there's going to be a safety rule.

[1:20:25] There's going to be a rule that you should, that you should never, that you should never do.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:29] Okay.

[1:20:30] That's, should that be our new thing?

[1:20:31] We will have Sammy's flop house rules for kids.

[1:20:33] Like the G.I. Joe episode where they do the.

[1:20:35] Exactly.

[1:20:35] So that knowing is half the battle.

[1:20:37] Yeah.

[1:20:37] Did you know Ray Wise actually has a writing credit?

[1:20:40] Go on.

[1:20:41] On What a Man.

[1:20:44] Oh, interesting.

[1:20:44] Wow.

[1:20:45] Yeah.

[1:20:46] Never run away.

[1:20:47] But that's because he and Salt-N-Pepa were, they were writing partners for a long time.

[1:20:50] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:51] You mean like the food, Salt-N-Pepa?

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:53] No, no, the hip hop group.

[1:20:54] Well, I mean the name is similar though, Elliot.

[1:20:57] It is very similar.

[1:20:59] Maybe it is the food.

[1:21:00] Maybe it is the food.

[1:21:00] You know what?

[1:21:01] You're right.

[1:21:01] Maybe it's just two of our favorite spice seasonings are just rapping away about what a man, you know?

[1:21:09] Ray Wise.

[1:21:10] And Ray Wise was the man they're rapping about.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:12] Yeah.

[1:21:12] This is the part of the show where we do our final judgments about the movie.

[1:21:16] Do you want to have the first word or the last word?

Sammy Kalan

[1:21:18] Oh, and then we have to recommend good movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:21] Well, I think you're going to leave the show before we get to the recommendation section.

[1:21:25] Because we have other stuff to do.

[1:21:27] But Sammy, it's doing here.

Sammy Kalan

[1:21:28] I could always close my ears.

[1:21:30] No, you can't close your ears.

[1:21:31] Mommy has earplugs.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:32] Here, sit down, sit down.

[1:21:34] So here are the categories.

[1:21:37] Is it a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked?

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:41] A movie I kind of liked.

[1:21:42] What did you like about it?

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:44] It was funny.

[1:21:45] You were really enjoying watching it.

[1:21:46] You were laughing a lot.

[1:21:47] You kept saying things like, this is the greatest, and I love this movie while we were watching it.

[1:21:52] So I think I'll step in here and say I had a much more enjoyable experience, I think, watching it with Sammy than I would have had watching it by myself.

[1:22:00] Watching it by myself, I think I would have found it a little too hyperactive.

[1:22:04] And by the end of it, they're just throwing jokes out willy-nilly, and that was really getting on my nerves.

[1:22:10] But seeing how much Sammy was enjoying it, I was like, hey, you know what?

[1:22:13] I liked a lot of stuff when I was a kid that my parents didn't like.

[1:22:15] So it was okay.

[1:22:16] So I'm going to call it a movie that I didn't necessarily kind of like, but I think kids are going to like it.

[1:22:21] Guys, you watched it without a child with you, I assume.

[1:22:24] What was your experience?

Dan McCoy

[1:22:26] I mean, the only child was me, and I kind of liked it.

[1:22:31] I mean, the hyperactivity was what I liked about it.

[1:22:34] I didn't like the beginning so much where it was sort of, I don't know, it felt so tied into this boss baby world that I didn't know anything about.

[1:22:45] But once they got to the weird school, like the movie got a lot stranger than I expected.

[1:22:53] And some of the stuff actually made me laugh, even though, you know.

[1:22:58] It made you cry at one point.

[1:23:01] That's a dirty lie.

[1:23:04] It's the longest DreamWorks animated movie.

[1:23:07] I saw this written somewhere, and then I confirmed it just now.

[1:23:10] And that is a mistake.

[1:23:11] It is too long.

[1:23:12] I would have liked it.

[1:23:13] It is too long.

[1:23:13] About 20 minutes shorter.

[1:23:15] But it was okay.

[1:23:16] I agree that it's a good, for kids.

[1:23:19] It's for kids.

[1:23:20] Like a Hulu.

[1:23:20] Yeah.

Sammy Kalan

[1:23:21] I'd say it should have been longer, because then I could have stayed up longer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:25] True.

[1:23:25] Yeah, because we watched it after your brother went to bed, right?

[1:23:27] Good point.

Sammy Kalan

[1:23:28] I only got to watch, like, I got to watch, like, an hour and 20 minutes on Friday night.

[1:23:33] And then yesterday night, I only got to watch the last 20 minutes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:38] Now, here's the thing.

[1:23:39] You didn't get to stay up as late as you did when you watched that Mets-Dodgers game.

[1:23:42] Did you enjoy the Mets-Dodgers game or Boss Baby Family Business more?

Sammy Kalan

[1:23:45] I like the Mets-Dodgers game more.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:47] Okay.

[1:23:48] So there you have it.

[1:23:48] Put it on the poster.

Sammy Kalan

[1:23:49] Because that anything could happen in it, but this, the movie is a movie.

[1:23:54] I mean.

[1:23:54] And they couldn't, like, change it for, like, one person.

[1:23:56] The movie can't go into extra innings.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:58] You're still limited within the rules of baseball and real life, though.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:04] Yeah, whereas the Boss Baby Family Business is the only limit to the human imagination.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:07] I was also happy with the ending of it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:09] Okay.

[1:24:10] That's good.

[1:24:10] You like the ending?

[1:24:11] Yeah, of the game.

[1:24:12] Of the baseball game.

[1:24:13] Oh, the baseball game.

[1:24:13] Oh, yes.

[1:24:14] Yeah, because you like that the Dodgers beat the Mets.

[1:24:16] Yeah.

[1:24:17] You can see.

[1:24:19] Yep, he's wearing his Dodgers shirt.

[1:24:20] Oh, man.

[1:24:21] He's pointing at it.

[1:24:21] Yep.

[1:24:22] Yeah, this is an L.A. fan.

[1:24:25] You can put it on the poster.

[1:24:26] I wish it was longer.

[1:24:28] Sammy Kalen, the Flophouse.

[1:24:30] Don't.

[1:24:30] But then you put dot, dot, dot, and leave out the part.

[1:24:32] I like the baseball game more.

[1:24:33] Yeah.

[1:24:34] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:35] So, Stu, what do you think?

[1:24:36] Okay, let's see.

[1:24:37] Well, I like that there's this weird message in the holiday pageant or whatever show about

[1:24:46] the parents' generation destroying the world because that's true.

[1:24:51] So that's great.

[1:24:52] And babies.

Sammy Kalan

[1:24:53] The parent generation destroying the world?

[1:24:54] That was the thing.

[1:24:55] No, Armstrong wants to destroy the parents.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:58] Armstrong wants to destroy the parents, but part of his reasoning is because parents have

[1:25:01] done such a bad job of running the world.

[1:25:02] Yeah.

[1:25:03] Which you have to admit is probably true.

[1:25:04] I mean, that's the thing.

[1:25:05] They talk about baby core.

Sammy Kalan

[1:25:06] The only thing is they don't give enough candy and TV.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:09] They don't give enough candy and TV.

[1:25:10] Those are your main complaints?

[1:25:11] Yep.

[1:25:12] Okay.

[1:25:13] Now, baby core is supposed to look out for threats to babies all over the world, and obviously

[1:25:18] the biggest threat is climate change because they're not going to have a world to inherit.

[1:25:21] So I think they're kind of dropping the ball, clearly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:24] But by the time they inherit that world, they're not babies anymore.

[1:25:27] Baby core has a very narrow special interest group.

[1:25:31] Oh, okay.

[1:25:31] That's interesting.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:32] Yeah, that makes sense.

[1:25:32] Yeah.

[1:25:33] So I also kind of like the moment when Alec Baldwin as a baby is talking to his baby brother,

[1:25:42] who isn't a baby, but he's a boy.

[1:25:44] And he's like, being a dad is such a hard job.

[1:25:47] You should get paid for it.

[1:25:48] And I'm like, that's great.

[1:25:49] I love sharing that message that being the toughest job is being a dad, that you have

[1:25:54] to babysit your kids and shit like that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:56] Every now and then you've got to watch them.

Sammy Kalan

[1:25:59] My dad does get paid and he is a dad.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:03] But I don't get paid for-

Sammy Kalan

[1:26:04] And not get paid for being a dad.

[1:26:05] Yes, I get paid for my other work.

[1:26:06] No one does that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:07] Yeah, no one gets-

[1:26:07] Well, the only people who get paid for being dads are like-

[1:26:10] Or are babysitters.

[1:26:10] I mean, sometimes people-

[1:26:11] Like if you hire someone to pretend to be your dad because your boss is coming over for dinner

[1:26:15] and you want to impress him, so you hire someone to pretend to be your dad and pretend he's like a Nobel scientist.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:19] Well, Alec, occasionally on Instagram, my DMs, I get requests to be a dad.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:26] Yeah, I'm Stuart's only fan.

[1:26:28] He does get paid to be a daddy.

Sammy Kalan

[1:26:29] If his boss says that he's coming over and if he's a good dad, then his boss is going to pay him.

[1:26:40] But he isn't a good dad, so he hires someone else.

[1:26:43] Yeah, no, yeah, yeah.

[1:26:44] But it's not what his plan is.

[1:26:47] Sure, yeah.

[1:26:47] If someone else gets paid, the other person gets paid and not him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:51] Is this a story you made up or is this a thing you saw somewhere?

[1:26:54] I made this up.

[1:26:54] Okay, I think it's true.

[1:26:57] No, I mean, you had me going.

[1:26:58] And also there's a very hot horse, very little hot horse in it.

[1:27:02] Big fan.

[1:27:03] Okay.

[1:27:04] What's her at?

[1:27:05] Let's go on.

[1:27:06] You mean Precious?

[1:27:07] Yeah, Precious.

[1:27:09] So what is, I guess, yeah, it's great.

[1:27:13] Best movie ever.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:15] Okay, so Stuart gives it the best movie ever.

[1:27:17] That's the official tallies for The Boss Baby, Family Business.

[1:27:20] I want to thank ours.

[1:27:21] The.

[1:27:22] The Boss Baby, colon, The Family Business.

[1:27:25] You already said that.

[1:27:26] Oh, The Boss Baby, The, colon, Family Business.

[1:27:31] The Boss Baby, Family, The Business.

[1:27:34] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:36] Wow.

[1:27:36] Sammy's tired of that bit.

[1:27:37] If you want is what he said.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:39] Yeah.

[1:27:40] So Sammy, I want to thank you so much for joining us and sharing your thoughts on the movie.

[1:27:43] It was a very special experience, and I'm so glad I got to share the podcast with you.

[1:27:46] And got to share the movie with you, and I love you.

[1:27:49] Can I say for the other 20 minutes?

[1:27:52] It's going to be more than 20 minutes, let me tell you.

Sammy Kalan

[1:27:54] You always say that it's two hours.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:56] Yeah, but it's not always two hours.

[1:27:58] But Sammy, I think it's time for you to go so that we can talk about some grown-up stuff.

[1:28:01] Like what?

[1:28:02] Do you have any?

[1:28:03] I can't tell you.

[1:28:04] Do you have any other final messages you want to tell the audience before you go?

[1:28:12] He's thinking.

[1:28:13] He's thinking.

[1:28:14] What if he comes out with Baba Booey?

[1:28:16] I hope not.

[1:28:18] Sammy, what are you going to say?

[1:28:19] What's your final message?

Sammy Kalan

[1:28:20] My answer for the question in the beginning that I said I would answer at the part that I'm going out in is maybe.

[1:28:30] Okay, great.

[1:28:33] Edging his back.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:33] He's hanging it up.

[1:28:35] Oh, man.

[1:28:35] Okay, thank you so much, Sammy.

[1:28:37] Oh, man.

[1:28:38] Bye.

[1:28:38] And Sammy's waving goodbye to Dan and Stu.

[1:28:40] Okay, see you, Sammy.

[1:28:41] Can you close the door on the way you're out?

[1:28:42] Sure.

[1:28:44] That's your fault.

[1:28:46] You were great.

[1:28:47] Yeah, you were fantastic.

[1:28:48] Yeah, you were great, buddy.

[1:28:49] Now get out of here.

[1:28:49] Now get going, kid.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:52] Man, I got to say, having Sammy around really kept me from getting too raw in the Boss Baby episode.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:58] Tell me about it.

[1:28:59] Yeah, tell me about it.

[1:29:01] Hey.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:02] I think I only swore like once or twice, and I barely talked about that horse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:06] I think it was better for all of us that he was here so that of all the movies, Boss Baby was not the one where we decided to get raw and let loose.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:13] But that Back to the Future shit is wild.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:16] Yeah, let's talk about that for a minute.

[1:29:17] There was every scene between Tim and his daughter, Tabitha, that was uncomfortable for exactly that reason.

[1:29:24] If only because it's like, I know how these stories often go.

[1:29:27] I do not want it to go in that direction.

[1:29:29] And think about how messed up it will be for her when she realizes that she had a crush on a guy who turned out to be her dad de-aged by a magic formula from Baby Corps.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:38] Yeah, and I want to talk about one other thing about the movie real quick.

[1:29:43] And generally, the animation style was pretty straightforward, DreamWorks, and I wasn't kind of crazy about it.

[1:29:49] But I did like some of the animation touches when Tim's character is having his fantasies, whereas the animation was a little flatter, a little more 2D, almost like old school painted backgrounds.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:02] I mean, I did really like seeing that even though it was a CGI movie, it did not look photorealistic, and they were doing goofy squash and stretch and silly cartoon stuff.

[1:30:13] They were not letting it, they were not, they didn't seem to be really worried about making sure the snow looked like real snow at the expense of characters doing silly zany things.

[1:30:21] Yes.

[1:30:21] You know.

[1:30:23] So there you have it, The Boss Baby, number one pick of the year, family business.

[1:30:26] Yeah.

[1:30:27] Mm-hmm.

[1:30:28] I just, and it shows you how surprisingly I enjoyed the movie that I could get over the fact that I was essentially watching baby Donald Trump running around being smug and full of himself, and eventually I was like, you know what, I don't hate this baby.

[1:30:41] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:41] Yeah.

[1:30:43] Yeah.

S5

[1:30:47] Are you feeling elevated levels of anxiety?

[1:30:50] Do you quake uncontrollably, even thinking about watching cable news?

[1:30:54] Do you have disturbing nightmares, only to realize it's two in the afternoon and you're up?

[1:31:01] If you've experienced one or more of these symptoms, you may have FNO, news overload.

[1:31:07] Fortunately, there's treatment.

[1:31:09] Hi, I'm Dave Holmes, host of Troubled Waters.

[1:31:12] Troubled Waters helps fight FNO.

[1:31:15] That's because Troubled Waters stimulates your joy zone.

[1:31:18] On Troubled Waters, two comedians will battle one another for pop culture supremacy.

[1:31:24] So join me, Dave Holmes, for two, two, two doses of Troubled Waters a month.

[1:31:29] The cure for your FNOCLE.

[1:31:30] The cure for your FNOCLE news overload.

[1:31:32] The cure for your FNOCLE news overload.

S5

[1:31:32] Available on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:31:36] Hey, J. Keith.

[1:31:38] Hey, Helen.

[1:31:39] Hey, you've got another true-false quiz for me?

S6

[1:31:41] Yep.

[1:31:41] Our trivia podcast, Go Fact Yourself, used to be in front of a live audience.

S5

[1:31:46] True.

[1:31:46] Turns out that's not so safe anymore.

S6

[1:31:48] Correct.

[1:31:49] Next.

[1:31:49] Unfortunately, this means we can no longer record the show.

S5

[1:31:53] False.

[1:31:53] The show still comes out every first and third Friday of the month.

S6

[1:31:56] Correct.

[1:31:56] Finally, we still have great celebrity guests answering trivia about things they love on

[1:32:01] every episode of Go Fact Yourself.

S5

[1:32:03] Definitely true.

S6

[1:32:04] And for bonus points, name some of them.

S5

[1:32:06] Recently, we've had Ophira Eisenberg plus tons of surprise experts like Yardley Smith and

[1:32:11] Suzanne Somers.

S6

[1:32:12] Perfect score.

[1:32:13] Woo-hoo.

[1:32:13] You can hear Go Fact Yourself every first and third Friday of the month with all the great

[1:32:17] guests and trivia that we've always had.

[1:32:19] And if you don't listen, well, then you can Go Fact Yourself.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:23] That's the name of our podcast.

S6

[1:32:24] Correct.

[1:32:25] Woo-hoo.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:26] Okay.

[1:32:27] Let us move on to some ads from our sponsors.

[1:32:34] The Flophouse is sponsored in part by BetterHelp Online Therapy.

[1:32:41] It doesn't matter who you are or what you have, life can be stressful.

[1:32:47] I know that for me personally, even as the pandemic has affected me less than some folks,

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[1:33:07] Even though I have a loving partner, it can be difficult to work in the same space and to deal with that.

[1:33:16] I know that you both have your own unique stressors as well, and it helps to talk to someone about it.

[1:33:23] You may not be feeling down and out and depressed or feel like you're at a total loss, but if your stress is high,

[1:33:31] you could probably still use the chance to unload.

[1:33:34] Unload it and get it out.

[1:33:35] Talk to someone who's completely unbiased about your life, someone who is not going to judge you or take sides in anything.

[1:33:42] You will be surprised at how much it can help.

[1:33:45] I have not used BetterHelp specifically, but I've done a lot of the Zoom therapy.

[1:33:50] I found it helpful.

[1:33:52] BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist.

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[1:34:01] You can see if it's for you by going to betterhelp.com to get 10% off your first month milk.

[1:34:12] I was about to say.

[1:34:13] I don't know what that is.

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[1:34:14] You can drink milk while you're doing it, I guess.

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[1:34:26] Slash flop.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:28] And the Flap House is also sponsored by Storyblocks.

[1:34:32] Oh, not milk, Elliot.

[1:34:34] I know you were hoping to get big, strong bones, but not today.

[1:34:37] Your bones are going to be made out of Storyblocks.

[1:34:40] Now, Storyblocks makes it possible for creators to keep up with the growing demands of modern video content.

[1:34:45] So you can bring all of your stories to life and keep from sacrificing your vision due to time, budget, or resources.

[1:34:53] Keep doing your human sacrifices.

[1:34:55] Yep.

[1:34:55] As many as you want, just not your time.

[1:34:58] Or your vision.

[1:35:00] Storyblocks' unlimited all-access plan gives you unlimited downloads of the over 1 million assets in their library.

[1:35:08] You can try out multiple options quickly and find the perfect fit so you can create more and spend less.

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[1:35:23] You can stay on budget while telling the best version of your story with the most affordable subscription plans and tools on the market that scale to meet your needs.

[1:35:34] As I think you guys have mentioned before, we've done a couple of live shows.

[1:35:39] We actually have a live show coming up that we're going to talk about.

[1:35:41] But in the past, we've done them.

[1:35:43] And Dan has used Storyblocks to create some of the great little interstitials and extra bits that we throw in there for our viewers.

[1:35:53] And it was pretty easy to use, right, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:35:56] Yeah.

[1:35:57] Thanks for throwing it to me while I had an ice cube in my mouth.

[1:36:02] No, not that you should know.

[1:36:03] That was your choice, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:04] I'm not saying you should have been aware.

[1:36:07] So would you call that cube the ultimate Storyblock and that it was blocking you from telling the story of using Storyblocks?

Dan McCoy

[1:36:12] It's just a very easy – you just get on there.

[1:36:15] You can search through all of the assets in there.

[1:36:19] You can download them with one click.

[1:36:21] You can – they're all beautiful.

[1:36:23] Many of them are in full high def.

[1:36:25] It's great.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:27] So explore their library and subscribe today at storyblocks.com slash flop, F-L-O-P.

[1:36:35] That's storyblocks.com slash flop.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:39] Hey, guys.

[1:36:40] We've also got something to promote that is us being a little selfish and promoting our own stuff.

[1:36:46] Let me talk about it.

[1:36:46] We're allowed.

[1:36:47] So, hey, are you guys familiar with live performances?

[1:36:51] Uh-huh.

[1:36:52] You might be.

[1:36:52] There aren't as many of them going on now because of events beyond our control.

[1:36:57] But what if I were to tell you that the Flophouse was going to be appearing live on your very own computer screen?

[1:37:03] Just like we've done several times before, even though I'm talking about it as if it's a new thing that nobody's ever heard of before.

[1:37:09] The Flophouse is going to be doing a new live remote show on Saturday, September 25th at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific.

[1:37:17] If you live in a different time zone, please do the math as to when that is for you.

[1:37:21] I can't do all the time zones.

[1:37:23] I just don't know them.

[1:37:24] So, we're going to be doing an all-new live show.

[1:37:27] We're going to be talking about the movie Super Mario Brothers or Super Mario Brothers as people who are not from New Jersey insist on making me pronounce it.

[1:37:35] The amazing story of the Mario and Luigi Mario Brothers, played by Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo, going underground to stop Dennis Hopper from doing dinosaur stuff.

[1:37:47] We're going to be talking about it.

[1:37:48] It's the 28th anniversary of the release of Super Mario Brothers.

[1:37:53] And so, we are going to be celebrating it and talking about it.

[1:37:56] There's also going to be all-new presentations before the show.

[1:37:59] You've seen these shows before.

[1:38:00] You know we do these hilarious PowerPoint presentations.

[1:38:02] We're going to be doing those before the show.

[1:38:04] It's going to be an all-new show.

[1:38:05] I believe we're going to have new exclusive shirt designs possibly to sell during the show.

[1:38:11] And buying a ticket gets you one week of access to the recording that's archived afterwards.

[1:38:16] So, even if you can't make it on the night of September 25th, you can still get that ticket and watch it at your leisure in the seven days after.

[1:38:25] So, that's the Flophouse live talking Super Mario Brothers for the 28th anniversary of that historic film.

[1:38:32] Saturday, September 25th, 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific.

[1:38:36] You're going to want to go to simpletix.com to buy the tickets.

[1:38:41] Honestly, the easiest way to do it is just Google Simpletix and Flophouse.

[1:38:46] But I believe there's also a link at the Flophouse website, which is what?

[1:38:52] Theflophousepodcast.com?

[1:38:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:53] I think it's just flophousepodcast.com.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:56] I can't wait.

[1:38:57] It's going to be fun.

[1:38:58] I love doing those shows with you guys.

[1:39:00] And I love taking questions from the audience.

[1:39:04] And I love getting to see what fucking dungeon Elliot's recording from.

[1:39:08] It's great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:08] It's always my garage.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:09] It's just my garage.

[1:39:10] But it looks increasingly scary.

[1:39:12] Like, I feel like you have the lights on a dimmer to get more scary as the recording goes on.

[1:39:19] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:19] I do have that.

[1:39:21] Because it does turn into a torture palace eventually.

[1:39:24] But, yeah, we're going to go.

[1:39:25] You'll see us in front of your face.

[1:39:27] We're going to be answering questions live from the audience, probably over Twitter again.

[1:39:31] But we'll see how we do it.

[1:39:32] Who knows?

[1:39:33] And who knows?

[1:39:34] It's just going to be really fun.

[1:39:37] So that's September 25th, the Flophouse Live SMB.

[1:39:41] That's Super Mario Brothers.

[1:39:42] I don't need to tell you what that stands for.

[1:39:43] 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific.

[1:39:45] Just go to simpletix.com to get the tickets.

[1:39:49] They're $10 each.

[1:39:50] You can pay more if you want to, but you don't have to pay more if you don't want to.

[1:39:54] Come and join us.

[1:39:54] It's going to be fun.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:55] Well, let's keep this train a-rolling and answer some letters from listeners.

[1:40:02] Listeners like you.

[1:40:03] This first letter is from Adrian, last name withheld, who writes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:09] I believe the name is Adrian, last name withheld.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:14] Dear Peaches, my three-year-old son has noticed his grandfather's old Marvel lunchbox that we have on a shelf in our living room.

[1:40:22] He is now obsessed with Spider-Man, Iron Man, the Hulk, and the Fantastic Four.

[1:40:28] He keeps asking, why is that big guy made of rocks?

[1:40:32] And why is the man turning green?

[1:40:35] How do I answer these questions?

[1:40:36] Any recommendations for print or video content that is at least somewhat appropriate for his age?

[1:40:42] I know this question is pretty targeted at Elliot, since he is both a dad and a Marvel zombie, but would love any and all input.

[1:40:49] Thanks for the laughs.

[1:40:50] You've gotten through the lowest points of my life over the last 10 years.

[1:40:53] I cannot express my appreciation enough.

[1:40:55] Love, Adrian, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:59] Well, thank you for the nice words.

[1:41:01] We're glad we could be there for you.

[1:41:02] Right, guys?

[1:41:03] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:04] And this is unwittingly turned into a very—

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:06] Why didn't Dan just do the jack-off motion?

[1:41:09] What?

Dan McCoy

[1:41:10] Oh, my God.

[1:41:12] No, this is just a very, you know, parenting-centered question for a parenting—

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:20] Yeah, parenting-centered episode.

[1:41:21] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:41:22] Yeah, yeah.

[1:41:23] Well, this week we are also sponsored by the American Fertility Increasing Institute.

[1:41:27] Did you know the American population is dropping?

[1:41:29] Yeah.

[1:41:30] If it gets too far down, alien nations from other planets will be able to come in and take our stuff, I guess.

[1:41:36] Yep.

[1:41:36] We need more Americans.

[1:41:37] Go out and have babies today.

[1:41:38] But not boss babies.

[1:41:39] They're creepy and a little smug.

[1:41:41] No.

[1:41:41] Have worker babies.

[1:41:42] Mm-hmm.

[1:41:43] So—or babe ploys, they're called.

[1:41:46] So I found—so I'm in a very similar situation.

[1:41:50] I have a three-year-old son, not the one you heard earlier.

[1:41:52] He's seven and a half.

[1:41:53] But his younger brother is also very into Marvel stuff.

[1:41:56] He's especially into Spider-Man right now, although his understanding of who Spider-Man is is very skewed because he has not seen too much stuff.

[1:42:04] He's actually been enjoying lately the new Disney show Spidey and His Amazing Friends, which is about Spider-Man, the two Spider-Men, Peter Parker and Miles Morales, and also Ghost Spider, Gwen Stacy, having very kind of low-key adventures.

[1:42:19] Not adventures with low-key, the Thor bad guy.

[1:42:23] But the kind of adventures where they've got to save cats from trees or like Rhino is just being a jerk at a carnival or something like that.

[1:42:31] It's very—it's Spider-Man without all the punching and kicking in the face that you get in the actual Spider-Man comics.

[1:42:38] And he's really been enjoying that.

[1:42:40] He insists on he being Peter Parker's Spider-Man and me being Miles Morales, who on the show is called Spin.

[1:42:46] And so out of note, he'll just suddenly be like, Spin, what's going on over there?

[1:42:49] And I have to be like, oh, it's the Green Goblin.

[1:42:51] Let's go stop him.

[1:42:52] So he's been enjoying that.

[1:42:54] The other thing he likes is there's a book Marvel put out a little while ago with comic strips mostly by Chris G. Russo called Mini Marvels.

[1:43:03] And that book, it's like kid versions of the Marvel characters for the most part.

[1:43:10] There are a few comic strips in it where the jokes are a little too grown up for a three-year-old.

[1:43:16] But with some judicious looking at the next panel ahead and then editing the words, he's been able to enjoy a lot of those books.

[1:43:23] And it's a good entryway for me to explain to him who these characters are.

[1:43:27] And if those don't do it for you, Little Golden Books has a bunch of Marvel books that are literally just naming the characters and telling you what they do.

[1:43:35] There's no actual stories.

[1:43:37] It's just like the Avengers.

[1:43:39] Kind of.

[1:43:40] Yeah, it's like Cats the book, but about like the Avengers.

[1:43:43] And so those are all ways to get kids into those characters and explain who they are without the stuff about them actually fighting and hitting.

[1:43:51] Because I really, that's the one thing that I'm trying to keep my kids away from as long as possible is the aspect of superheroes that involves extreme violence, which is hard to do.

[1:44:00] The idea is problem solving involves a lot of punching.

[1:44:04] Yes, exactly.

[1:44:05] Very much so.

[1:44:05] That's not the lesson I want them to learn.

[1:44:08] So those are some examples that I would recommend.

[1:44:10] And if anyone has any other ideas, write in and tell me and I'll be happy to share them, I guess.

[1:44:16] I guess I'm spreading the word of Marvel Comics for kids now.

[1:44:19] I guess I'm part of their promotional department.

[1:44:21] I don't understand it, but it happened.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:23] This second and final letter is from Danny, last name withheld.

[1:44:28] Hey, Floppers.

[1:44:29] Your recent conversation in the jujitsu episode about actors who have built an unexpectedly large portfolio of Flophouse classics got me thinking.

[1:44:39] Are there some incredibly prolific Flopmeisters out there we've never heard of?

[1:44:44] In order to find these unsung heroes of Flopdom, I wrote a script to scrape the IMDb page of each movie featured on the mainline Flophouse episodes, extracted the full credited cast and crew list, and crunched the numbers.

[1:44:59] Using a scraper for good.

[1:45:01] Yeah.

[1:45:01] One look realizes, one look reveals that this list is dominated by sound and VFX professionals.

[1:45:11] The number one flopper by far is Peter Rotter, an orchestra contractor, not conductor, contractor.

[1:45:20] I'm not sure what that is, but I...

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:22] That's someone you hire to kill orchestras.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:24] Yeah.

[1:45:25] With 69 flop credits to his name.

[1:45:29] Cue Stuart laughing at the number 69.

[1:45:32] From more than 1,000 credits overall.

[1:45:35] He has been involved with 20% of all the movies ever discussed on the Flophouse.

[1:45:41] Wow.

[1:45:42] Yeah, that's amazing.

[1:45:43] As far as I can tell, the first person on the list who is acting listed as their main job is, of course, Nick Cage, ranked 59th with 22 flop credits.

[1:45:52] One of them is for producing 1,000 words with Eddie Murphy.

[1:45:56] The next person I found on the list...

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:58] Wait, Nicolas Cage produced 1,000 words?

[1:46:00] Apparently.

[1:46:00] Oh, he likes the fantasy.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:02] The next person I found on the list whose primary job is listed as actor is Robin Atkin Downs with 16 mostly ADR credits, including Elliot's number one favorite, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.

[1:46:14] And probably the coolest person on the list is Al Cirillo, also 16 Flophouse credits, a helicopter pilot whose more than 500 credits include helicopter pilot, chopper pilot, aerial pilot, and actual helicopter pilot.

[1:46:31] As for the debate over who might follow in Nick Cage's footsteps if he continues making pretty enjoyable and non-terrible movies, Samuel L. Jackson has eight flop credits, while Idris Elba and Gerard Butler have seven each.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:44] Oh, man.

[1:46:45] Based on career choices...

[1:46:45] I'm surprised Idris Elba is tied.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:47] My money is on Gremlin Battler.

[1:46:49] As a long shot candidate, I could also imagine Gary Oldman going the Nick Cage route.

[1:46:54] Five flops so far, plus Mank.

[1:46:56] Only time will tell.

[1:47:00] Anyway, that's basically the...

[1:47:03] There's a closing thing, but that's a pretty amazing work there.

[1:47:08] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:09] I'm very impressed.

[1:47:10] And also, the more I think about it, the more we should have done a Mank episode, the more I think about it.

[1:47:14] Yeah, still can.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:15] It's not going anywhere.

[1:47:16] It's not going into Disney Vault anytime soon.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:21] It'd be so funny if Disney's like, we didn't make this movie, and humanity is like, no, no, just please take it.

[1:47:26] Put it away for a while.

[1:47:27] Put it in the vault.

[1:47:29] That's impressive work.

[1:47:31] I don't know how to do computer stuff like that, and I'm just super impressed by it.

[1:47:34] And I'm kind of curious about what this orchestra contractor does.

[1:47:38] Like, what does he do?

[1:47:39] Dan, how does that work?

Dan McCoy

[1:47:40] I imagine that he contracts orchestras.

[1:47:45] He's involved in the...

[1:47:47] Write into the flop house and tell us what an orchestra contractor does.

[1:47:51] Yeah.

[1:47:51] Yeah, please do.

[1:47:52] And if you're Peter Rotter, let us know.

[1:47:56] You're our number one flop superstar.

[1:47:58] Yeah.

[1:47:59] Hit us up.

[1:48:01] But let's move on to the final section where we recommend movies that we have seen usually recently, but whatever goes.

[1:48:11] Things that maybe you'll like better than Boss Baby.

[1:48:13] Who knows?

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:14] Maybe it's a movie you've seen in the future, but not yet.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:16] Yeah, maybe you're a precog.

[1:48:18] Get out of that bath, precog.

[1:48:20] Yeah, stop touching Tom Cruise.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:22] You gotta imagine those precogs are so pruney.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:26] I'm gonna recommend two, but make it very quick since I'm doing so.

[1:48:30] I watched Possession, the movie from 1981.

[1:48:35] Oh, what a good movie.

[1:48:36] Sam Neill.

[1:48:38] Isabella Johnny.

[1:48:39] Yes.

[1:48:41] Octopus Critter.

[1:48:44] It's a very...

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:45] Don't oversell the performance of the Octopus Critter.

[1:48:48] It's in there, but it's not like it has a lot of screen time.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:51] It's a wildly unsettling movie.

[1:48:56] The two leads are certainly putting it in the most, what I would say, dangerous performance I've ever seen in a movie.

[1:49:08] The two of them seem like they're really risking their own mental health to make this film.

[1:49:16] And you can feel it.

[1:49:17] It's a movie that just gives off the vibe of something being wrong in every frame.

[1:49:23] But it's also weirdly, disturbingly beautiful.

[1:49:27] And it's about the dissolution of a relationship, but not only about that.

[1:49:32] It's got weird supernatural elements, political elements.

[1:49:38] You're never quite sure what's going on.

[1:49:40] And yet it all seems to make perfect sense emotionally.

[1:49:44] But the other movie I wanted to recommend was a weird companion piece.

[1:49:49] Let's call it The Goofball...

[1:49:51] The Goofus to Possessions Gallant.

[1:49:55] There's a movie called...

[1:49:56] What is it called?

[1:49:58] Love is a Gun.

[1:49:59] From 1994.

[1:50:03] It's the only movie written and directed by the writer-director.

[1:50:08] It stars Eric Roberts.

[1:50:10] And it seems like the director told him that he could do whatever he wanted.

[1:50:14] And then told everyone else in the cast to match his energy.

[1:50:20] And it is also...

[1:50:21] It's kind of the erotic thriller, I guess you would call it, version of something like Possession.

[1:50:30] Where, like, it is almost equally as inexplicable what's going on in this movie.

[1:50:38] But it feels more like if someone took a sort of 90s erotic neo-noir and threw it in a blender with a David Lynch movie.

[1:50:48] But then also told it, like, hey, could you make this movie and make it, like, walk the line between being wildly terrible and kind of fascinating and good.

[1:50:59] I love that in a movie when you can watch a movie that is probably bad by any normal metric but also sort of works on its own terms.

[1:51:08] So that's Love is a Gun.

[1:51:09] So two strange movies about unhealthy relationships.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:14] Do they both have octopus critters in them?

Dan McCoy

[1:51:17] Only one has an octopus critter.

[1:51:18] So that's the deciding factor.

[1:51:20] Watch Possession.

[1:51:21] Although it's hard to get your hands on the director's cut.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:26] I mean, in a way, Possession could have been called My Octopus Teacher.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:30] So I'm going to recommend a movie that I think is in theaters now.

[1:51:35] You should go and watch it if you can, if it's safe.

[1:51:38] If not, wait for it to be on VOD.

[1:51:40] It's a movie called The Green Knight.

[1:51:44] I didn't recommend this yet, right?

[1:51:46] Only on Twitter.

[1:51:47] Okay, cool.

[1:51:48] So you should go check this out.

[1:51:50] It is based on an Arthurian legend, and it kind of feels like it.

[1:51:57] It's nice and slow.

[1:51:58] It's old-timey.

[1:52:00] It's got some twists.

[1:52:01] It's got a great Dev Patel.

[1:52:04] Almost nobody is given a name.

[1:52:06] There's like no dialogue.

[1:52:08] I almost fell asleep twice, but it was worth it.

[1:52:11] Very little action, unless you count jizzin'.

[1:52:14] I would say check out The Green Knight.

[1:52:18] Fools, it rules.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:19] Yeah, I saw this too, and I co-signed this.

[1:52:24] It is a movie where it really makes this time period feel like just such an alien landscape.

[1:52:33] I mean, a lot of fantasy stuff does happen.

[1:52:35] It's not like this is the real history, but it weirdly feels more evocative.

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:42] So you're saying people didn't jizz back then.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:44] People didn't fight headless green knights.

[1:52:47] But I felt like it felt evocative of what it must have been like to live back then, where you lived in this fear of how mysterious the world that you didn't necessarily understand all of was.

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:00] I can see what you're going for.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:02] Yeah, sorry.

[1:53:03] No, it's cool.

[1:53:03] As opposed to now when our anxieties are about knowing too much.

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:06] Yeah.

[1:53:06] That's fair.

[1:53:07] And particularly the last 15 minutes of this movie I think are pretty untouchable.

[1:53:14] It was a movie that like, yeah, it's great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:17] Thumbs up.

[1:53:18] I haven't gotten to see it yet.

[1:53:19] I can't wait to see it.

[1:53:20] Yeah.

[1:53:21] I'm going to recommend a movie that's also set in a strange fantasy land.

[1:53:25] That's right, Los Angeles.

[1:53:27] Anyway, so thank you, thank you.

[1:53:29] Hollyweird, we call it.

[1:53:31] Yeah, Hollyweird, yeah.

[1:53:32] This is, I want to recommend Miranda July's last movie, Kajillionaire, which stars Evan Rachel Wood as the daughter of two con artists played by Debra Winger and Richard Jenkins.

[1:53:42] And they are very bad con artists.

[1:53:44] They're incredibly unambitious and low level, but they act as if they are the matchstick men.

[1:53:49] And they live in an office space that they are renting that's next to a soap bubble factory.

[1:53:57] And part of the rules of their living there is they have to, I think, at least once a day use garbage cans to clear the wall of soap bubbles that have leaked in from the other side or else the wall will dissolve.

[1:54:08] So it's not a great life.

[1:54:10] And they, as a family, meet Gina Rodriguez.

[1:54:12] And she takes a real interest in Evan Rachel Wood's character and starts joining them in their kind of con heisting and tries to pull her away from these clearly toxic people that she is in the same family as.

[1:54:25] And it's a Miranda July movie, so that means there's kind of alternating cold weirdness and, like, intensely sincere emotions.

[1:54:35] But I like her movies.

[1:54:37] And I like this one a lot.

[1:54:38] There's some funny stuff in it.

[1:54:39] And there's emotional stuff in it.

[1:54:41] The actors are all really great.

[1:54:43] And, yeah, there's some parts that are real creepy.

[1:54:46] And I liked it a lot.

[1:54:47] And it was one of many times where I watched a movie, and I was like, oh, that was a really interesting movie.

[1:54:51] And then it said, produced by Brad Pitt.

[1:54:53] And I was like, Brad Pitt, are you producing every movie these days?

[1:54:56] Because I guess he is.

[1:54:58] But I liked it.

[1:54:59] Kajillionaire.

[1:54:59] I think it's on HBO Max right now.

[1:55:01] Hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:55:02] Well, guys, what a trip we've been on.

[1:55:05] Mm-hmm.

[1:55:05] What fun.

[1:55:06] A family affair.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55:08] I want to thank everybody for putting up with my son.

[1:55:13] Our pleasure.

[1:55:14] I thought he did a great job, but I could understand how not everyone.

[1:55:18] I was, well, he's talking like, oh, yeah, not everyone's used to his way of telling stories,

[1:55:21] which is to just follow the thread of whatever he's interested in talking about at the moment.

[1:55:26] You know?

[1:55:26] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:55:27] That's kids for you.

[1:55:28] Mm-hmm.

[1:55:30] What does that look, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[1:55:31] Just laughing at child expert Dan McCoy giving us some info.

[1:55:35] Hey, man.

Dan McCoy

[1:55:36] I may not have them, but I know how they tell stories.

[1:55:39] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55:39] I remember, Dan, you getting very mad.

[1:55:42] This is before I had kids, I think.

[1:55:43] Telling me about how another friend of yours who had kids was saying that their kids ate, like, birthday cake at a party and got really hyper.

[1:55:52] And you were like, the science shows eating sugar doesn't noticeably increase the amount of hyperactivity of a kid.

[1:55:58] They've done studies on this.

[1:55:59] And I was like, I don't know, Dan.

[1:56:01] I think that's just what they noticed.

[1:56:02] And you were like, but it doesn't square with it.

[1:56:04] And I thought it was very funny that you were bringing science to a parenting fight.

[1:56:07] No, no, no, no.

Dan McCoy

[1:56:08] I just don't like using anecdotal data as if it is scientific data.

[1:56:15] That's less a parenting thing than my own annoying pedantry.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56:20] Yeah.

[1:56:20] Elliot, I'm glad.

[1:56:21] Thank you for bringing Sammy in.

[1:56:23] It would have just been like me and Dan, a couple of non-breeders, giving you, you know, outnumbering you.

[1:56:29] And I think we got some much-needed insight into the world of being a dad and being a boss baby.

Elliott Kalan

[1:56:34] Yeah.

[1:56:35] Well, because since he is a boss kid and I'm the dad, you know, time will tell whether he's a breeder or not.

[1:56:41] He certainly likes to listen to them.

[1:56:42] Oh, interesting.

[1:56:43] And yeah, yeah.

[1:56:44] His favorite band, certainly.

[1:56:47] But, you know, I think it was just a special moment to share him with the world of podcasting.

[1:56:53] Listeners, I hope you enjoyed it.

[1:56:55] Please do not send letters to my son.

[1:56:56] Do not attempt to contact him.

[1:56:58] Do not talk to me about him.

[1:56:59] That is my son.

[1:57:00] Get away from my son.

[1:57:02] Bring back my son.

Dan McCoy

[1:57:03] You know, if you don't like it, keep it to yourself.

[1:57:06] There's no need.

[1:57:06] You know, you can have an opinion that is not one that makes Elliot sad.

[1:57:11] Like, that's a thing that can happen.

[1:57:13] Oh, that's cool, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57:14] If you have a critical comment about my son or anything I've done, please refrain.

[1:57:19] I prefer to get those criticisms from my dad's friends through my dad.

[1:57:24] That's my preferred method to get criticism of work that I've done.

[1:57:28] Yeah, he was talking to me today and he was like, so this show you're working on in the next season, are you going to develop the characters more?

[1:57:35] Because some of the comments I heard were that the characters were kind of not clearly defined.

[1:57:38] And I was like, what?

[1:57:40] Some of the comments you heard.

Dan McCoy

[1:57:43] I didn't watch the show myself, but the chatter is the thing you're doing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:57:48] Yeah, on the message boards, everyone's saying that.

[1:57:51] Yeah, the subreddit's I'm part of.

[1:57:53] The Discord channels I run.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57:56] Yeah.

[1:57:56] Yeah, I was on a, what's that thing where you just listen to people talk and it's like a conference call.

[1:58:02] Clubhouse.

[1:58:02] Clubhouse, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:58:03] I was in this clubhouse.

[1:58:04] I was in this Taliban-run clubhouse and they were complaining about House Broken.

Dan McCoy

[1:58:11] Okay.

[1:58:11] Well.

[1:58:12] But thanks for listening, everybody.

[1:58:13] Thank you for listening.

[1:58:14] Please do all the stuff that helps us spread the word.

[1:58:18] Rate us.

[1:58:20] Subscribe.

[1:58:21] Tell people about us.

[1:58:23] Thank you to Alex Smith for being our producer.

[1:58:28] Thank you to Maximum Fun.

[1:58:30] Go to MaximumFun.org, our podcasting network.

[1:58:33] Check out other podcasts.

[1:58:35] Yeah, just check out podcasts.

[1:58:37] Yeah, check out podcasts.

[1:58:38] You know, I hear they're really hot right now.

[1:58:41] So hot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58:41] Yeah, yeah.

[1:58:42] Now that Cono O'Brien's doing them, it's a revolution.

[1:58:44] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:58:45] But for the Flophouse, I have been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58:48] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:58:50] I'm Elliot Kalin and Sammy already left the room, so I'll say goodbye for him.

[1:58:53] Hi, I'm Sammy.

[1:58:55] Goodbye.

[1:58:55] Oh, wow.

[1:58:57] Bye.

[1:59:01] Yeah, so Sammy, do you have any questions before we start?

Sammy Kalan

[1:59:04] No, I think I watched the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:05] You can swear on this podcast.

[1:59:08] Yeah, but we're not going to today.

[1:59:10] And Sammy, like I was saying, we may ask you to leave the show.

[1:59:13] I know.

Sammy Kalan

[1:59:13] I know.

[1:59:14] You've told me that many times.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:17] Just preparing you.

[1:59:18] I just don't want you to be upset about it.

Sammy Kalan

[1:59:20] I don't need to be too ready.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:22] Okay.

[1:59:22] I love this.

[1:59:23] Yeah, yeah.

[1:59:23] No one needs to be too ready.

[1:59:25] That's the Flophouse motto.

[1:59:25] You got to live in the moment, dude.

[1:59:27] Yeah.

[1:59:27] You don't want to be overprepared.

[1:59:29] Yeah, that's the number one rule of podcasting.

[1:59:31] Don't be overprepared.

[1:59:32] Yeah.

[1:59:32] Or in our case, don't be prepared much of the time.

[1:59:34] Wow.

[1:59:35] Okay.

S5

[1:59:36] Maximumfun.org

[1:59:38] Comedy and culture.

S7

[1:59:40] Artist owned.

[1:59:41] Audience supported.

Ep.%350 - The Boss Baby: Family Business, with Sammy Kalan

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