FH Mini 38 - The Movies That Didn't Make Us

[0:00] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[0:07] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:09] I'm Elliot Kalin. No jokes needed, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[0:14] Yeah, it's true.

[0:15] Well, I was a little distracted because Stuart looks so bemused by me saying my name.

Stuart Wellington

[0:22] No, I was still laughing because that was like the fourth time you're like,

[0:25] okay, let's just get into it.

[0:27] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[0:30] Yeah, you know.

Dan McCoy

[0:32] I think a lot of false starts helps our energy as a podcast.

[0:36] That's what really...

[0:37] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[0:38] It's the audio equivalent for us of struggling to get a condom on.

[0:43] Yeah, that's what...

[0:44] In the middle of sex, yeah.

[0:45] It's the best part of sex.

[0:46] Yeah.

[0:47] It's the puzzle aspect.

[0:49] It's like the reverse escape room for your penis.

[0:51] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[0:52] Why couldn't we just be born with ballistic penises to deal with labyrinthine duck vaginas?

[1:00] Yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01] Like in the movie, ballistic penises, ex-penis versus sever penis.

Dan McCoy

[1:04] I thought you were going to say, why couldn't we just be born with condoms on our penis already?

[1:10] I can think of one problem with that.

[1:13] Yeah.

[1:15] Anyway, so this is the Flophouse.

[1:18] Obviously, it's a movie podcast.

[1:21] Normally, it's about bad movies.

[1:23] We talk about them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25] Just drag this episode into your garbage and hit empty trash.

[1:30] I mean, come on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30] We talked about penises.

[1:32] The Flophouse could be a title for a penis podcast.

[1:34] True, true.

Dan McCoy

[1:36] So we do two of those, or three, depending on how many Saturdays are in a month.

[1:44] What do you call them?

[1:45] Main episodes a month.

[1:47] But on the off weeks, we do these minis, which are kind of a little, you know, a snack to tide you over between those episodes.

[1:56] And tonight, I'm in the driver's seat.

[1:58] Uh-oh.

[1:59] Which means...

Stuart Wellington

[2:00] Cancel ride.

Elliott Kalan

[2:05] Watch out.

[2:06] Nux is driving again.

[2:07] Oh, boy.

[2:08] We're going right into the storm.

Dan McCoy

[2:10] As is usually the case when I'm in the driver's seat, I have devised a little game for us.

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] Oh, shit.

[2:17] Here comes Jigsaw again.

[2:21] That's how people react.

[2:23] Here comes Jigsaw again.

Elliott Kalan

[2:25] Oh, boy.

[2:26] This is Dan as Jigsaw.

[2:27] He'd be like this.

[2:28] How would you like to play a little game?

[2:31] There's a bomb.

[2:32] Hold on a second.

[2:32] Wait.

[2:33] Let me just set this up.

[2:34] Wait.

[2:35] Let me get this right.

[2:36] Okay.

[2:37] There's a bomb, and you need a key.

[2:38] It's it.

[2:38] Wait.

[2:39] Hold on.

[2:39] Let me figure this out.

Stuart Wellington

[2:41] Wait.

[2:41] It's in my email.

[2:42] Just give me a minute.

Elliott Kalan

[2:44] Let me...

[2:45] Hold on.

[2:45] And you just see Jigsaw scrolling through his phone trying to find the email that was in there.

Stuart Wellington

[2:50] I'm like, he's not even in his email app.

[2:52] He's in Instagram right now.

Dan McCoy

[2:56] Well, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[2:57] So, Dan, you're a modern-day Jigsaw in a 21st century world, and you've got a game for us.

Dan McCoy

[3:03] Yeah.

[3:03] And the premise of the game is, so, we often like to dig up out of our memories movies that

[3:12] have left no cultural footprints, movies that people have forgotten.

[3:17] Our friends over at Blank Check like to call them movies that don't exist, which I think is a good way to define them.

[3:24] So, my game is going to be this.

[3:27] I am going to alternate giving you guys the title of a movie that has left little to no sort of lasting footprint in the cultural imagination.

[3:39] And if you're able to tell me anything about this movie, you will get a point.

[3:44] Now, for the purposes of this game, anything about this movie will be defined these ways.

[3:53] Not literally anything, but if you were able to tell me-

[3:56] It was your word, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[3:57] You're the one who said anything, and now you're telling us we were wrong.

Dan McCoy

[4:02] If you're able to tell me the director of this film, if you're able to tell me one of the top three listed cast members on IMDb,

[4:13] or if you're able to give me a reasonably accurate description of the movie's basic premise,

[4:21] any of these three things will be acceptable to get you a point.

Elliott Kalan

[4:26] Okay, Dan, are there style points?

[4:29] That's a good question.

[4:30] Are there style points?

Dan McCoy

[4:32] I mean, it is a podcast that we're doing for entertainment,

[4:36] so the style will be appreciated by the audience, but it will get you no points from me.

[4:41] Okay.

[4:42] Like the last game, if someone is unable to give any information about the movie,

[4:50] the other player will have a chance to steal.

Stuart Wellington

[4:52] Uh-huh.

[4:53] Is there a sound effect when you do a steal?

Dan McCoy

[4:56] Depends on whether Alex wants to do any work or not.

[4:59] Go boing.

[5:01] Wah, wah, wah, wah.

[5:02] Swip, swipe.

[5:04] Yeah, whatever that sound that Elliot just made, you can cut that out and reuse it.

[5:09] I mean, it says swipe swipe.

[5:11] I mean, it's swipe swipe.

Elliott Kalan

[5:12] Classic swipe swipe, but real high-pitched.

[5:15] Dan, so are we, just to be clear, are we allowed to Google search the titles?

[5:18] No, you're not allowed to.

[5:20] Okay.

[5:21] That would be.

[5:21] Just making sure.

Dan McCoy

[5:23] For the purposes of this game, that would be considered cheating.

[5:27] And for most games, most trivia games.

Stuart Wellington

[5:31] My fingers are so crossed that I get fucking Avatar.

Dan McCoy

[5:36] Yeah.

[5:36] Okay, so alphabetically, we'll start alphabetically with Elliot going first in the first round.

Elliott Kalan

[5:45] Works with both first name and last name.

[5:47] Uh-huh.

[5:47] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[5:47] I did actually go through that in my head when I was thinking about it.

[5:53] Stuart, what's your middle name again?

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] Lenton.

[5:56] Yep, mine is Charles, so all three names above Stuart's in the alphabet.

Stuart Wellington

[6:00] Elliot, Elliot, Charles, Kalen, Stuart, Lenton, Wellington.

[6:03] What fancy boys we are tonight.

[6:05] We're a couple of little British royals.

[6:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:09] And I'm Daniel Kirk McCoy.

[6:11] Pretty cool.

[6:12] That's Dank McCoy.

[6:13] That is why I'm Dank McCoy on Twitter.

[6:15] Dank McCoy.

[6:17] Okay, so Elliot.

[6:18] Not because of your nugs.

[6:19] Mm-mm.

[6:20] My nugs are pretty dank, but that is not why I named myself that.

[6:25] Okay.

[6:26] On Twitter.

[6:27] Stuart, how are your nugs?

[6:27] I didn't name myself in general.

[6:28] Yeah, how are your nugs?

[6:30] Pretty dry.

[6:31] Yeah, okay.

[6:32] That's our little side game, how are your nugs?

[6:35] Okay, Elliot.

[6:39] Your first movie that doesn't exist, but does.

[6:43] What is it?

[6:44] They do exist.

[6:45] They do.

[6:45] These are actual movies.

[6:46] Even though they call them movies that don't exist, they do exist.

[6:49] They have not captured the cultural imagination.

[6:53] This movie is from 2009, and its title is Beyond a Reasonable Doubt.

[7:01] Can you tell me anything about Beyond a Reasonable Doubt?

Elliott Kalan

[7:07] Uh, I mean, my guess is it's a remake of the Fritz Lang movie, Beyond a Reasonable Doubt.

Dan McCoy

[7:12] Mm.

[7:14] And, uh, in that case, uh, maybe you could give me a plot summary.

Elliott Kalan

[7:18] Uh, that someone has been, uh, uh, in that one, I can give you a, the Fritz Lang one, someone has been unjustly, uh, accused of a crime, but it's actually a plot that they've put together so that they can commit a murder and get off from it.

Dan McCoy

[7:34] Well, uh, you found a loophole in this game.

[7:37] Elliot, you do get a point for that because it is, in fact, a remake of that movie.

[7:42] Uh, this version starred Michael Douglas and, uh, was directed by Peter Himes.

[7:49] Uh.

[7:50] Oh, really?

[7:51] A journeyman director.

[7:52] Yeah, from Capricorn One, right?

[7:54] Yeah.

[7:55] Okay, so, that's one for Elliot Stewart.

[8:00] Your-

[8:01] Oh, man, this is gonna be rough.

[8:02] Your movie is Being Human.

[8:06] Can you tell me anything about Being Human?

[8:10] This is a movie that came out in, uh, in 1994.

Stuart Wellington

[8:18] Uh.

[8:19] Two hours, two minutes long.

[8:20] Yeah, is, is, is, uh, Robin Williams in that shit?

[8:24] Robin Williams is in Being Human.

Elliott Kalan

[8:26] Nice.

[8:27] I was hoping you wouldn't get it because that's the only thing I know about it, too.

[8:29] That is the only thing I would know about that movie.

Stuart Wellington

[8:32] I watched this movie.

[8:33] So, growing up, my cousin Barbie worked, she was the manager of a, of a movie theater in, uh, like, Wyandotte or something.

[8:44] Some like-

[8:44] The Being Human Theater.

[8:45] And, well, well, because she was, she got, uh, occasionally got, like, to go to pre-screenings of movies, you know,

[8:53] that they're, like, you know, auditioning them or some shit for the local movie theaters.

[8:57] And so, uh, she, one day to just keep me busy, because I was, like, what, 14 at the time?

[9:04] 13?

[9:04] She just had me, uh, go watch a bunch of movies.

[9:08] So, I watched, uh, the two movies I watched back-to-back were PCU followed by Being Human.

[9:16] Oh, man.

[9:17] It was basically the same experience.

[9:20] Yeah.

[9:21] Well, this is, yeah, it's, uh.

[9:22] If PCU's the next one, I'm sorry if I blow up your spot, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[9:25] And Being Human's based on a one-man show, right?

Dan McCoy

[9:28] That would make sense.

[9:30] Is it?

[9:31] I, all I know about it is, uh, is that, um, Robin Williams is pensively looking out onto the ocean when, uh, uh, on the cover of it.

[9:43] And I never, I never rented it.

[9:45] I walked by it several times in the video place.

[9:49] I know that it got terrible reviews.

Elliott Kalan

[9:52] You know what?

[9:52] Maybe it's not based on a one-man show.

[9:54] Maybe I just thought that because it's, because it's, like, one person doing multiple parts, right?

Stuart Wellington

[9:59] I kind of remember that.

[10:02] It's, you know, it's kind of a blur.

[10:04] I feel like it, I would assume it would have something to do with robots, because, with a title like that.

[10:10] But that's Bicentennial Man, right?

[10:12] Yeah, that's Bicentennial Man, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:15] Okay.

[10:15] Well.

[10:16] I think, did Robert Williams do the voice for Disney's robots?

Dan McCoy

[10:20] Dan?

[10:20] He did.

[10:21] Or was it not Disney that, or was it Disney that did the movie?

[10:23] I think Blue Sky?

[10:25] Blue Sky?

[10:25] Yeah, I think you're right.

[10:27] Anyway, yeah, Being Human, part of the craze, the short-lived craze for titles that are gerunds.

[10:37] Or have gerunds of them.

[10:38] Okay.

[10:40] Back to Elliot.

[10:42] Changeling.

[10:43] Can you tell me anything about Changeling?

[10:45] Oh, yeah, Angelina Jolie.

Elliott Kalan

[10:47] Changeling, her kid gets kidnapped, and no one believes her?

[10:49] Sure, yeah.

[10:50] Clint Eastwood directed it.

[10:53] Wow.

[10:53] Right.

[10:53] I think it was written by J. Michaels Traczynski, possibly.

Dan McCoy

[10:56] Jeffrey Donovan's in that.

[10:58] Elliot knows so much about Changeling.

Elliott Kalan

[11:01] Yeah.

[11:02] Hey, we're going to tell you, it made a big impact on me.

[11:04] Sorry.

[11:05] Sorry, Blank Check.

Dan McCoy

[11:07] No, no, no.

[11:07] They picked that movie.

[11:08] No, no one.

[11:09] These are movies that I just.

[11:11] Yeah.

[11:11] I could have.

[11:12] I could have.

[11:13] Honestly, I could have gone deeper with this.

[11:15] I wanted.

Elliott Kalan

[11:16] Well, I mean, to say movies that made no cultural impact, there's a hundred years of movies no one's heard of.

[11:22] I was really worried you were going to be like, hmm, the answer was,

[11:25] getting in the kitchen.

[11:27] It's a Joey Brown movie from 1932.

[11:30] I feel like, oh boy.

Dan McCoy

[11:31] This movie is called Foxy Grandpa.

[11:34] What is it about?

[11:35] No, I, yeah, I wanted it to have a little chance that people would know what I was talking about.

[11:42] But, um.

[11:42] Oh, that's fair.

[11:43] Yeah, Jim.

[11:43] Yeah, Changeling.

[11:45] All right.

[11:45] I was right on everything I said about it.

[11:48] Back to Stuart.

[11:49] Uh-huh.

[11:51] Uh-huh.

[11:51] Your movie is Unstrung Heroes.

[11:55] Can you tell me anything about Unstrung Heroes?

Elliott Kalan

[11:58] Stu, you better know something, because I do.

[12:00] Oh, no.

[12:01] Uh.

Stuart Wellington

[12:04] Oh, man.

[12:05] I don't know anything about this.

[12:07] I would assume that it's some kind of a puppet movie or a movie about puppets.

[12:13] Uh.

[12:14] But, yeah, I have no idea.

[12:17] Uh.

[12:17] Is.

[12:19] Is Dustin Hoffman in it?

Dan McCoy

[12:22] Dustin Hoffman, uh.

[12:24] I don't believe is in it.

[12:25] He's certainly not one of the top three bills done on IMDb.

[12:28] So I whiffed.

[12:29] Elliot, you have the chance to steal.

[12:31] Swip, swipe.

[12:32] Actually, no.

Elliott Kalan

[12:33] I was real cocky before, and now I'm not sure I'm remembering.

Dan McCoy

[12:35] Did Diane Keaton direct Unstrung Heroes?

[12:37] Diane Keaton directed Unstrung Heroes, starring Andy McDowell and John Turturro.

[12:43] John Turturro, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[12:44] I can see, I could see John Turturro's hair.

[12:46] That was the thing.

Dan McCoy

[12:47] That was the thing I remember from it.

[12:50] It's, it's majestic.

[12:51] You can't forget it.

[12:53] When was this from?

[12:55] Uh, that was.

[12:57] It's like early 90s, right?

[12:58] Yeah.

[12:59] Let me, it's 95.

Elliott Kalan

[13:01] It's like a kid, a kid has like, he has like a goofy uncle or goofy uncles or something.

Dan McCoy

[13:05] Yeah, he has a couple of offbeat uncles.

[13:08] He learns life lessons.

[13:09] I mean, that's just Uncle Buck.

Stuart Wellington

[13:10] I mean, I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[13:11] It's Uncle Bucks.

[13:12] There's two uncles.

[13:13] Oh, wow.

[13:14] Two, that's a lot of pancakes.

[13:16] Well.

[13:16] It's like that, that old Lions movie that, uh, that.

[13:19] Secondhand Lions.

[13:20] Secondhand Lions.

[13:22] Yeah.

[13:22] With, with Dev Patel.

Dan McCoy

[13:25] No.

[13:26] That old Lions movie.

[13:27] So, uh, Elliot, you stole that one.

[13:29] So, uh, it's still, the ball's still in your court for this one.

[13:34] Uh, Cyrus.

[13:35] Can you tell me anything about the movie Cyrus?

Elliott Kalan

[13:37] Cyrus is Jonah Hill and, uh, and, uh, uh, Riley, right?

[13:42] John C.

[13:42] Riley.

[13:43] That is correct.

[13:43] And Marissa Tomei, I think.

[13:45] Yeah.

[13:45] That is correct.

Dan McCoy

[13:46] Yeah.

[13:46] Cyrus.

[13:47] Yeah.

[13:48] Um, so.

[13:50] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[13:50] That's a movie I hadn't thought of in a long time.

Dan McCoy

[13:51] Yeah.

[13:52] Going.

Elliott Kalan

[13:53] I thought more about the moment in Hedwing and the Angry Inch when the guy says Cyrus,

[13:57] when he, when he should be saying, oh, Cyrus, more than I've thought of that movie.

[14:00] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[14:01] Uh, well, that's, that's the first half, guys.

[14:04] It went really fast.

[14:05] Um, and going, going into the second half, oh, Stu, you got some ground to make up because

[14:10] you've got one point and Elliot has four.

[14:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:14] Wow.

[14:15] Okay.

[14:15] That's where my brain space is being taken up by.

[14:17] I can turn this around.

[14:19] Nonsense.

[14:19] Yeah.

S4

[14:23] We have wasted this world.

[14:27] Our magic put a storm in the sky that has rendered the surface of our planet uninhabitable.

[14:33] But beneath the surface, well, that's another story entirely.

[14:39] In a city built leagues below the apocalypse, survivors of the storm forge paths through a

[14:45] strange new world.

[14:47] Some seek salvation for their homeland above.

[14:49] Others seek to chart the vast undersea expanse outside the city's walls.

[14:54] And others still seek, what else?

[14:57] Fortune and glory.

[14:59] Dive into the Aethersea, the latest campaign from the Adventure Zone, every other Thursday

[15:04] on MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts.

S5

[15:08] Hey, folks, it's me, James Arthur M., host of Minority Corner, your home through these

[15:13] but wild times for weekly doses of pop culture, history, news, nerdy stuff, and more through

[15:19] a BIPOC queer and allied lens.

[15:22] See here, Mr. Hollywood.

[15:24] I'm a black woman.

[15:25] And you need to put me in your picture.

[15:28] I am Eartha Kitt.

[15:30] Where am I right now?

Stuart Wellington

[15:31] Well, it's February and March that you get to celebrate me and all the other beautiful black

[15:36] women in your life and or your history.

S5

[15:38] And still to this day, we do not have a federal anti-lynching law.

Dan McCoy

[15:42] This is so bad, James.

[15:43] They were like...

[15:44] I didn't even know any of this existed.

S5

[15:45] Yeah, yeah.

[15:47] This is why we have these conversations here.

[15:49] So join me and some of your new BFFs every Friday here on Maximum Fun to stay informed,

[15:54] empowered, and have some fun.

[15:55] Minority Corner.

[15:56] Because together, we're the majority.

Dan McCoy

[15:58] But before we move into round two, we have a sponsor for this mini, and it is BetterHelp.

[16:06] This podcast is sponsored in part by BetterHelp Online Therapy.

[16:11] It doesn't matter who you are or what you have.

[16:15] Life can be stressful.

[16:17] I know that, among other things...

[16:21] Hey, I announced two big life changes on Stuart's painting party on Instagram.

[16:31] I no longer...

[16:32] At Flop Housecat.

[16:33] I'm no longer working for The Daily Show.

[16:35] I don't have a day job.

[16:37] And I'm getting married, which is a wonderful thing.

[16:41] But we have to plan a wedding, which is a stressful thing.

[16:46] There's your new job right there, wedding planner.

[16:48] Yeah.

[16:50] So even me, even Dan McCoy...

[16:51] And you're your own boss.

[16:52] You know you're going to do a good job.

[16:54] Even Dan McCoy, everyone's picture of happiness and mental health.

[17:00] Me.

[17:01] I have stress.

[17:02] Even me.

[17:03] Oh, wow.

[17:04] Hard to believe.

[17:06] So, you know, why not unload it?

[17:10] Get it out.

[17:10] Talk to someone who is completely unbiased about your life.

[17:14] Someone who isn't going to judge you or take sides on anything.

[17:17] You'd be surprised at how much it can help.

[17:21] BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist.

[17:28] And it's more affordable than in-person therapy.

[17:31] See if it's for you.

[17:32] This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[17:35] And the Flophouse listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com.

[17:40] Slash flop.

[17:42] Have your first session in under 48 hours at B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com.

[17:51] Slash flop.

[17:53] And also, while we're taking a little break in between rounds, we should talk about our live show that's coming up.

Elliott Kalan

[18:02] Yeah, we probably should have talked about it at the beginning of the episode.

[18:05] It's possible.

[18:05] It's okay.

Stuart Wellington

[18:06] I mean, it's still pretty early.

[18:07] If this was a movie and the credits were happening, you'd be like, oh, that's a little bit of a wait, but it's not that bad.

[18:13] That's a good point.

[18:14] That's a very good point.

Dan McCoy

[18:15] Yeah, we're going to be talking about Super Mario Brothers.

Stuart Wellington

[18:19] We're going to be talking.

[18:20] We're doing a virtual live show.

[18:21] We've done a couple of these so far.

[18:23] And I'm really excited about doing this because I get to hang out with my buddies, Dan and Elliot, and a whole bunch of you.

[18:30] We're going to be recording, doing a live show, basically what we'd be doing on stage, except without people booing at us the whole time.

Elliott Kalan

[18:39] That does happen a lot.

[18:41] Yeah, don't come to our show to boo us.

[18:43] It's a waste of all of our time.

Dan McCoy

[18:45] We're due.

Elliott Kalan

[18:45] I know.

[18:46] They're paying for the ticket.

[18:47] Go do what you want.

[18:48] You know?

[18:48] You would think it would be-

[18:49] Don't encourage it.

Stuart Wellington

[18:51] You would think it would be a weird combination for all three of us to be heels at the show instead of, what's that?

[18:59] No baby faces.

[19:00] Sweet boys.

[19:01] Baby faces.

[19:02] Yeah, so-

[19:03] Sweet boys.

[19:04] Yeah, we're all Sour Patch Kids.

[19:06] So we're going to be reviewing the movie Super Mario Brothers, a movie that I remember being, let's say, confused by when I saw as a kid.

[19:15] And I'm looking forward to re-watching it.

[19:17] How you can watch it on your own, I don't know.

[19:20] You're probably going to have to go on a side quest for that.

[19:23] And tickets for the show are $10.

[19:25] You can find them at where, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[19:28] You can either go to flophousepodcast.com slash events to find the link there.

[19:34] Or you can Google Flophouse Simple Ticks Mario Brothers, and it'll take you right there.

[19:40] This is on Saturday, September 25th.

[19:43] So the show's coming up pretty soon after this episode comes out, but still plenty of time to buy tickets.

[19:49] And if you can't make it when it is, which is Saturday, September 25th at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific.

[19:56] If you can't make it for that time, then don't worry.

[19:59] When you buy a ticket, you get access to the recording of the show for one week afterwards.

[20:04] It'll be archived online for one week.

[20:06] After that week, it will disappear into the sands of time.

[20:09] And you're not going to want to reach into those sands.

[20:11] You'll get all gritty.

[20:12] You'll get sand in your underpants.

[20:13] Uncomfortable.

[20:14] So instead, why not just watch the show?

[20:16] The ticket's only $10.

[20:18] That's $10 per internet connection or household.

[20:21] If you're a couple or a thruple and you're all Flophouse fans, you don't have to buy three tickets if you're watching it from one house.

[20:28] I just want to make sure you know that.

[20:29] So that's the Flophouse Live Super Mario Brothers, Saturday, September 25th, 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific.

[20:36] Go to flophousepodcast.com slash events or Google Flophouse Simple Ticks Mario Brothers.

Dan McCoy

[20:44] Yeah, and I would encourage all listeners to buy a ticket because, again, I don't have a day job anymore.

[20:51] Yep.

[20:52] So this is literally my only source of income currently.

Elliott Kalan

[20:56] I feel like each of us has taken a turn in the past couple years where we're like, Flophouse, thank goodness you're here.

[21:01] You pay my bills.

[21:02] Oh, yeah.

[21:02] Now it's Dan's turn in the hot seat.

Dan McCoy

[21:04] You're my safety net.

[21:05] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:06] Please.

[21:07] And Dan's been sitting back going.

[21:08] Who'd have thought?

[21:09] Just lighting cigars with $100 bills.

[21:11] And then he decided, you know what?

[21:12] My life needs a change.

[21:13] Oh, Flophouse, can you help me?

Dan McCoy

[21:15] Then I said, oh, shit.

[21:17] I shouldn't have been lighting all those $100 bills on fire.

[21:19] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[21:20] It's so cool at the time.

[21:23] But then in hindsight, you're like, this was a waste.

Elliott Kalan

[21:26] That one's on me, guys.

[21:28] I mean, the bigger problem also is that Dan was putting out those fires with gasoline.

[21:31] Just makes a bigger fire.

[21:32] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[21:34] All right.

[21:35] Well, now that we've plugged and I've made a shameless play for your sympathies, back to the game.

[21:43] Again, Stuart, you have one point.

[21:45] Elliot, you have four.

[21:48] I'm arbitrarily doubling the points this round.

Stuart Wellington

[21:51] I got Elliot right where I want him.

[21:53] Ha ha.

Elliott Kalan

[21:55] Oh, man.

[21:56] Wait.

[21:57] Do I?

[21:57] Maybe.

[21:58] Maybe.

[21:58] Okay.

[21:59] Well, yeah.

[21:59] Now I'm here.

Stuart Wellington

[21:59] Ask any sports expert.

[22:01] They'll tell you four to one is the worst lead in sports.

[22:05] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[22:07] Especially in the second round when I've used up all my energy and now you're ready to go.

Stuart Wellington

[22:12] Yeah.

[22:12] Do I get any bonuses or phone of friends or?

Dan McCoy

[22:17] None of that.

[22:18] But you do get to start this round since Elliot started the last round.

Elliott Kalan

[22:22] And I believe, Dan, you said that points are double in this round.

Dan McCoy

[22:24] Points are doubled in this round.

[22:26] So, Stuart, you can.

[22:26] Two questions.

[22:26] If I don't get any, you'll be in the lead.

Elliott Kalan

[22:28] Mm-hmm.

[22:29] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[22:31] And again, it is pretty arbitrary that the points are double this round.

[22:35] The movies are not any harder than in the first round.

Elliott Kalan

[22:40] In some ways, they're easier.

Dan McCoy

[22:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:44] They're like Evan Almighty.

[22:46] It's like.

Dan McCoy

[22:48] So, Stuart, your movie is the prize winner of Defiance, Ohio.

[22:55] Can you tell me anything about this film?

Elliott Kalan

[22:58] So, I thought you said they weren't harder this round, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[23:00] The prize winner of Defiance, Ohio.

[23:04] Whether it be director, top three build, or what this movie is about.

Stuart Wellington

[23:10] Can I ask the year of release?

Dan McCoy

[23:15] The year of release is 2005.

[23:19] And I want to clarify that when I say, tell me what this movie is about,

[23:22] you have to give me more than it.

[23:24] It's about some sort of prize winner in Defiance, Ohio.

[23:26] Damn, that was my plan.

Stuart Wellington

[23:29] 2005.

[23:30] I'm going to say Kathy Bates was in it.

Dan McCoy

[23:35] She may have been in it.

[23:36] I do not know.

[23:37] I'm not looking down the cast, but she's not one of the leads.

[23:40] He's refusing to.

[23:40] I'm refusing to learn anything more about this.

Stuart Wellington

[23:43] I feel like that was an educated guess, though.

Dan McCoy

[23:46] Yeah, I think so.

[23:47] That's pretty good.

[23:48] Elliot, do you have anything for this?

[23:50] Swip, swipe.

Elliott Kalan

[23:51] I don't.

[23:52] So, I'm just going to say Allison Janney.

Dan McCoy

[23:54] Good guess again.

[23:56] This is a movie about, in order to support her 10 children, Evelyn Ryan enters a commercial

[24:02] jingle writing contest.

[24:03] And the top three actors are Julianne Moore, Woody Harrelson, and Laura Dern.

[24:10] Director Jane Anderson.

Elliott Kalan

[24:12] Those all would have been good guesses, especially because they were right.

Dan McCoy

[24:14] Yes.

[24:15] So, Elliot, we're staying with you.

[24:19] Your next movie is called Breach.

Elliott Kalan

[24:24] Oh, Breach was the story of the FBI case, the FBI spy case.

[24:29] And it was what?

[24:32] Cooper was in that, right?

[24:33] Chris Cooper?

Dan McCoy

[24:34] Chris Cooper, yes, is top billed, followed by Ryan Felipe and Dennis Haysbert.

Elliott Kalan

[24:40] Yeah, Ryan Felipe was the agent who was trying to track him down.

[24:43] That was a true story.

[24:45] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[24:46] So, Elliot, you get a couple points for that one.

[24:49] Two more points.

Stuart Wellington

[24:49] It's six to one now.

[24:51] Ha ha.

[24:52] Stuart.

[24:53] Welcome to my web.

[24:54] Here's your...

Elliott Kalan

[24:59] The more points I win, the trickier it gets for me.

Dan McCoy

[25:04] Here's your chance to win back some points.

[25:09] Well, not win them back.

[25:11] Just win some.

[25:12] You're not stealing them.

[25:15] This would be...

Elliott Kalan

[25:15] Dan, that could be an interesting mechanic to include next time.

[25:17] It would be a great mechanic.

[25:18] Point stealing, yeah.

[25:19] Yeah, so...

[25:21] Maybe there's a sound effect for that, too.

[25:22] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[25:23] Sweet.

[25:24] Something like that.

[25:26] Yeah.

[25:26] Sure.

[25:26] Pazoint.

Stuart Wellington

[25:27] Or the sound of, like, a little burglar tiptoeing away.

[25:30] Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Dan McCoy

[25:32] Yeah.

[25:33] Your film is...

[25:35] Uh-huh.

[25:36] Uh-huh.

[25:37] Uh-huh.

[25:37] White Squall.

[25:39] Can you tell me anything about the movie White Squall?

Stuart Wellington

[25:44] I can tell you it has something to do with boats.

[25:47] Um...

[25:48] Did Peter Weir direct it?

Dan McCoy

[25:51] Um...

[25:53] You know what?

[25:55] Close.

[25:56] I know the movie that you're...

[25:57] I think you're thinking of.

[25:59] Uh...

[25:59] But no.

[26:00] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[26:01] Then, no, I don't know White Squall.

[26:04] I know nothing about it.

Dan McCoy

[26:06] Elliot, can you steal?

[26:08] Swip swipe!

Elliott Kalan

[26:09] Did Ridley Scott direct White Squall?

[26:11] God damn it.

Dan McCoy

[26:11] Ridley Scott directed White Squall.

Elliott Kalan

[26:16] I remember my dad being really excited to see that movie before it came out, and I don't

[26:20] think he ever did.

Dan McCoy

[26:22] Yes.

[26:23] Okay.

[26:24] Elliot, I'm gonna...

[26:26] I'm gonna stay with you here.

[26:28] You're...

[26:29] It's a blowout, but you have yet another chance.

[26:31] Don't have to rub it in at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[26:33] I mean, it's...

[26:34] The movie is Blowout?

[26:35] Okay.

[26:35] Brian De Palma and John Travolta?

Dan McCoy

[26:38] Uh, your movie is The Evening Star.

[26:41] What is this film?

[26:43] The Evening Star.

Elliott Kalan

[26:44] Evening Star.

[26:46] Was that the movie that Nick Cassavetes directed?

[26:54] No.

[26:55] Oh, I'm thinking of a different movie then, with star in the title.

[26:57] Stuart.

[26:58] Swip swipe!

[26:59] Do you have...

[27:00] Oh, damn it, I know what this movie is.

[27:02] Yeah, yeah.

[27:03] Okay, come back to me after Stuart.

[27:05] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:06] Stuart, do you have anything for this?

[27:08] What about a newspaper?

Dan McCoy

[27:14] No.

[27:14] I don't.

[27:15] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[27:15] Dan, is it the sequel to Terms of Endearment?

Dan McCoy

[27:17] It is the sequel to Terms of Endearment that was made...

[27:20] Yeah.

[27:21] ...many years later.

Elliott Kalan

[27:22] Yeah, and Jack Nicholson and Shirley MacLaine are both in it again, right?

Dan McCoy

[27:25] Yeah.

[27:26] Yeah.

[27:26] Yep.

[27:27] Ugh, but don't give me those points.

Elliott Kalan

[27:28] Dan, it would be unfair for you to give me those points.

[27:30] No, I'm not going to.

[27:31] Then maybe give them to me.

[27:32] Maybe give them to me.

Dan McCoy

[27:34] Stuart, I believe you're...

[27:35] This is yours?

[27:36] Yep.

[27:37] Okay, so for the final question of the entire game...

[27:41] This is worth 10 points, right?

[27:45] This is the golden snitch of questions for the 100 points.

[27:48] The final question.

[27:49] Can you tell me anything about the gun in Betty Lou's handbag?

[27:58] If you have been listening to our own show, you should know something about the gun in Betty Lou's handbag.

Elliott Kalan

[28:05] We certainly got a heavy tutorial on it weeks ago.

[28:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[28:10] So, what can you tell me about it?

[28:13] In this case, I will accept any of the actors I mentioned.

[28:18] You mentioned a lot of them.

[28:19] I mentioned several cast members.

Elliott Kalan

[28:26] Stuart is taking his headphones off.

[28:29] Oh, he looks so upset.

Dan McCoy

[28:37] Can you pull anything?

[28:39] This is now more of a friendship quiz to see if you listen to anything I say.

[28:47] Well, Stuart.

[28:49] Stuart looks like he's got something.

Stuart Wellington

[28:52] I think I'm ready.

[28:56] Yeah.

[28:57] Is John Turturro in it?

Dan McCoy

[29:02] No, there's no John Turturro.

[29:05] Elliot, can you tell me any of the cast members of the gun in Betty Lou's handbag?

Elliott Kalan

[29:09] Well, I got some bad news, Stu, because I also do not remember a single thing Dan said about the gun in Betty Lou's handbag.

Dan McCoy

[29:19] Oh, man.

[29:20] I would have accepted Penelope Ann Miller, Alfre Woodard, Julianne Moore.

[29:27] Who else did I say?

[29:29] There's Meatloaf.

[29:30] You list a lot of people.

[29:31] Catherine Keener is in it.

[29:33] Oh, right.

[29:34] Adam Shankman, I mentioned, going way down the list.

[29:38] Frank Welker.

[29:42] The one I missed is that Stanley Tucci is uncredited.

[29:48] Well, anyway, thanks.

Stuart Wellington

[29:49] Good thing I didn't see Stanley Tucci then.

[29:51] I would have lost points.

Dan McCoy

[29:53] Thank you for playing my devious game.

Elliott Kalan

[29:58] It was all just a trap to prove that we don't pay.

[30:01] You got me again, Jigsaw.

Stuart Wellington

[30:06] That's the catchphrase in the movies, right?

[30:08] Like, oh, Jigsaw, you got me again.

Elliott Kalan

[30:13] Jigsaws added again.

Dan McCoy

[30:16] Jigsaw.

[30:17] I would like to thank our listeners for listening to this shenanigans-filled episode.

[30:26] I would like to urge them again to go to our website, click on events, get a ticket for our live Super Mario Brothers show.

Elliott Kalan

[30:37] Jigsaw.com.com.com.com.com.com.com for our show on September 25th.

Dan McCoy

[30:42] I'd like to thank our editor.

[30:43] 2021.

[30:45] AD.

[30:46] To thank our editor, Alex Smith.

[30:48] I'd like to thank our network, Maximum Fun.

[30:51] Go to MaximumFun.org for all kinds of great other podcasts that you can listen to.

[30:58] Some of them might actually teach you something, unlike this one.

[31:02] I mean, this one's...

[31:02] We'll tell you something about White Squall, I guess.

[31:05] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[31:06] I mean, if anyone...

[31:07] You told people who was in the Gun and Paley's handbag, but there's no way they're going to remember it.

[31:11] That's for sure.

Dan McCoy

[31:12] It's impossible.

[31:12] It slips off the brain.

[31:15] But until next time, I've been Dan McCoy.

[31:19] I've been, like, Stanley Tucci, I think?

Elliott Kalan

[31:22] I don't know.

[31:22] Yeah, that's you.

[31:24] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[31:25] Very frustrated that I...

[31:26] This is how my brain works.

[31:28] I'm very frustrated I did not get the Evening Star one right, even though I've never seen that movie.

[31:31] I saw the trailer for it once when I was a child in the theater.

[31:34] Yeah.

[31:35] And I'm mad that for some reason that that didn't stick in my head.

[31:38] But thank you, Dan.

[31:39] Yes.

[31:40] Bye.

[31:41] Bye.

Dan McCoy

[31:42] That was a fun game.

[31:48] MaximumFun.org.

[31:49] Comedy and culture.

[31:51] Artist owned.

[31:53] Audience supported.

FH Mini 38 - The Movies That Didn't Make Us

Transcript

In this episode

Description