FH Mini 39 - We Talk to a Super Mario Bros. Screenwriter

[0:00] Hey everyone and welcome to The Flophouse.

[0:06] This is Dan McCoy.

[0:07] Sorry, I'll do that first.

[0:08] And I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:09] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:10] Dan, I'm glad that you caught yourself there so that the audience the whole time wasn't

[0:11] saying, who is addressing me?

[0:12] Who's this mystery voice?

[0:13] What's going on?

[0:14] Where am I?

[0:15] Well, we have a guest tonight that I will introduce in just one second.

[0:16] But first, I'll explain that here on The Flophouse, we have a guest.

[0:17] We have a guest.

[0:31] We have a host.

[0:32] We have a host.

[0:33] And we also have a mini podcast on The Flophouse podcast on other weeks.

[0:34] Every other week, we watch a bad movie and then, we talk about it.

[0:37] And on these, not those weeks, the other weeks, is this easy to follow?

[0:43] We do minies where we talk about whatever we want to talk about.

[0:48] And in this case, we have a great guest who we want to talk to for the mini.

[0:53] Parker Bennet is a writer, an author, a cartoonist.

[0:58] The reason we have him on tonight, though, is because recently, we did our Super Mario

[1:04] Brothers live show, which is a movie that he worked on as a screenwriter.

[1:09] And he was in the audience, chatting away.

[1:13] We didn't know about it until Matt was texting us, our tech guy, and no one was answering

[1:22] because we were doing a live show at the time.

[1:25] I think that I was maybe the only one who actually saw it because Stuart was using his

[1:29] phone as his camera, among other reasons.

[1:32] Which is great because otherwise, I would have been distracted when, mid-show, I got

[1:36] one of those jack-off blackmail emails, and I'm like, shh, perfect.

[1:43] Now, you're saying this is a blackmail email of low quality where it's an email that says,

[1:47] we have video of you jacking off and you have to give us money.

[1:50] When you say jack-off blackmail.

[1:53] And Parker, I apologize.

[1:54] We'll get to you.

[1:55] We'll get to you very soon.

[1:56] But I have to get to the bottom of this mystery.

[1:57] Yeah, Stuart opened a real can of worms here that we have to address first, apparently.

[2:01] Yeah, so the premise is that the guy takes a very friendly tone.

[2:05] It's like, hey, everybody does it.

[2:07] I'm like, oh, cool, thanks, guy.

[2:09] He's like, but you do it way too much and to such weird stuff.

[2:14] And I'm like, oh, come on, you don't got to judge me now.

[2:16] And then he's like, if you don't want the people in your life to be embarrassed of you

[2:21] or something, yada, yada, yada.

[2:23] And at some point he starts asking for money.

[2:25] I'm like, buddy, you should be paying me.

[2:29] Yeah.

[2:30] Because if you don't find it hot, at least you're going to find it fucking hilarious.

[2:35] OK.

[2:36] Well.

[2:37] And with that is the introduction.

[2:38] What's your pricing?

[2:39] What's your pricing schedule?

[2:40] Wow.

[2:41] We're going further into this bit.

[2:43] OK.

[2:44] I'll DM you.

[2:45] We can haggle a little bit.

[2:46] Well, anyway, these messages were coming mostly just to me.

[2:52] I saw the threat efforts.

[2:54] I was focused on the show.

[2:55] Yes.

[2:56] No.

[2:57] Well, certainly.

[2:58] But I was keeping an eye out for any information from our tech person.

[3:03] And then Audrey started running in and handing me Post-its about how we could get Parker on the show.

[3:10] And I was waving her off angrily and then spending the next like 20 minutes of the show worrying that I had been too brusque with Audrey when she ran in.

[3:21] I love that this is the only time a flop—

[3:24] She did throw the engagement ring back at your face.

[3:27] Yeah.

[3:28] It's the only time a flop show has ever had a breaking bulletin, so we're not used to handling that situation.

[3:33] Yeah.

[3:34] We don't have the infrastructure for breaking news.

[3:37] But anyway, this is all just wind up to welcome Parker Bennett to the show.

[3:44] Thank you.

[3:45] Hello.

[3:46] Hi, guys.

[3:47] It's a me, as they say.

[3:49] Oh, wow.

[3:51] Showing off your bona fides right away.

[3:54] Yeah.

[3:55] Thank you.

[3:56] Just to clarify, I was not in the chat room blackmailing Stuart about his jacking off.

[4:02] Thank you.

[4:04] Again, then I would ask you for money.

[4:07] You know, it's all—

[4:08] So you're saying it's almost—but if that's not the case, it's almost as if Stuart's tangent about his jack-off blackmail email was unnecessary in this episode.

[4:16] And I refuse to believe that.

[4:18] That doesn't fit into God's plan for this show.

[4:20] Because previously, Dan had not wasted a single syllable in his introduction.

[4:24] Yeah, it was a long preamble.

[4:30] I feel like this—whenever we have a guest on this show, it's like when I would invite a friend over for dinner when I was a kid, and all the behavior that I thought of as normal I realize is totally—it doesn't make sense to outsiders who have functional homes.

[4:43] Yeah.

[4:45] So we'll get to your actual work in a second.

[4:50] But first, the first question I wanted to ask was, how did you come to be in the audience for our show?

[4:57] This is just—you're pimping me for a plug because I listen to you guys constantly, all the time, every week.

[5:05] I'm a big fan.

[5:06] Thank you.

[5:07] And yeah, I would not miss that show.

[5:10] And I—honestly, I also was very distracted during the show because of the amazing merch.

[5:17] The quality of the merch.

[5:20] You know, speaking of both the merch and Audrey handing me notes I'm holding up, tell about merch limited time was a note that she gave me right before this.

[5:32] I think I teed you up.

[5:34] Yeah, that's great.

[5:36] So when you're hearing this episode, there's still—if you're listening to it the day of release, there's still a chance that you can get in on some of the limited edition merch and the show itself if you haven't watched the show, right?

[5:48] Yes.

[5:49] Yes.

[5:50] We haven't figured it out.

[5:53] We may release this mini a little early.

[5:55] We may extend the show a little longer.

[5:57] One of those two, just because we think that it's so nice that we are able to talk to one of the screenwriters for the show.

[6:05] So if anyone listens to this, we don't want them to be wanting to see that show and then be disappointed.

[6:11] So we'll figure out a way of getting this out there before that goes away forever.

[6:15] And I'll mention if there is time, then you can get tickets at theflophouse.simpletix.com to see a recording of that show.

[6:21] And the aforementioned beautiful merch is at bonfire.com slash store slash flophousetourstore, all one word.

[6:29] Okay.

[6:30] I think if you Google Bonfire Flophouse, you'll find it.

[6:33] Which is hopefully an image of us being set on fire.

[6:36] Yeah, you find all the churches where they're throwing our merch onto piles and lighting them on fire.

[6:41] Somebody has stuffed Dan into a bear costume.

[6:44] That's not going to bring back his honey.

[6:47] Yeah.

[6:48] Let's get back to our guest.

[6:50] I wanted to know – so you're one of the three credited writers for Super Mario Bros.

[6:57] I know that there are many more than that.

[7:00] For those who aren't professional screenwriters, crediting on movies is a crazy business that is decided by arbitration by the unions and all sorts of equations and such.

[7:15] Often there are many more writers who work on something that are listed.

[7:19] But you are credited.

[7:20] You're one of the three credited writers.

[7:22] I think it's co-blame.

[7:24] I think the idea is not credit per se.

[7:28] So, yeah, there was at least ten writers.

[7:32] Wow.

[7:33] When we were brought on.

[7:35] So the project started with Roland Joffe of The Mission and Killing Fields fame.

[7:46] Somehow talked Nintendo into giving him the rights to produce this movie.

[7:50] If you meet Roland Joffe and if you've seen Spalding Gray's Swimming to Cambodia, he talks about Roland.

[7:56] It's exactly that.

[7:58] It's like Roland is this incredibly intense person.

[8:01] He has a British accent.

[8:03] He's just so – he just draws you in.

[8:06] You cannot help yourself.

[8:08] You must do whatever he says.

[8:10] He talked them into giving him this thing.

[8:12] I don't know what they were thinking.

[8:14] But he commissioned a script from Ron Bass who wrote Rain Man.

[8:20] And they wrote – gave him a million dollars and Ron Bass wrote a script about two brothers, one sort of an idiot savant and the other sort of a grumbly guy.

[8:30] And they're on a road trip through America.

[8:33] And it was literally as if he'd taken the script for Rain Man and done a search and replace with Mario and Luigi.

[8:40] Did they ever jump on a turtle or anything?

[8:43] No, no, no.

[8:44] No reference at all to the game.

[8:46] And so like the joke around the office, they called the script Drain Man like he was a plumber.

[8:51] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[8:52] But it was like a million dollars.

[8:55] So the budget overruns have already started.

[8:58] Then they got – what?

[9:03] Jim Genowin and Tom Parker who worked with a guy named Greg Beeman to do a sort of – the draft you would expect, like sort of a fantasy world.

[9:15] And there's talking rocks and big flowers and it's kind of Wizard of Oz-y and it's kind of a kid's movie.

[9:25] Like a really young kid's movie.

[9:28] And they got really far into this.

[9:30] They had clay maquettes and they had – the production staff had come on board to make creatures and things.

[9:39] And then the movie that Greg Beeman directed called Mom and Dad Save the World came out and it just completely tanked.

[9:47] So they said, oh, no, no, no.

[9:50] We're going to get rid of the guy who's done this movie that tanked and we're going to hire Rocky Morton and Annabelle Jankel who have done one movie.

[10:00] Yeah, but it was, you know, DOA, which was, you know, interesting, and they've done a

[10:07] lot.

[10:08] It's kind of still the way Hollywood works, though, because it's like, I like that indie

[10:11] film you made.

[10:12] Here's Jurassic Park Fallen Kingdom.

[10:14] Have at it.

[10:16] Yeah, exactly.

[10:18] And so, yeah, so they, Rocky and Warnable had a pitch that they liked, and they'd done

[10:24] Max Headroom, which is, you know, kind of a big deal, and they had done a lot of music

[10:31] videos, and they were really, I mean, commercial directors, too.

[10:34] They're very, very stylish directors, and they also are British.

[10:39] So I don't know if Roland Joffey was swayed at all by the fellow Brit angle here, but

[10:43] possibly?

[10:46] And so they came in, and they needed some writing done, and we got an opportunity to

[10:54] pitch on the project.

[10:56] And I drew, because I'm a cartoonist, I drew a poster, and I drew sort of a dark, looking

[11:03] into the dark pipes coming out, and into the darkness, and in the middle of the darkness,

[11:10] there's these glowing eyes, sort of reptilian eyes, and, you know, just, you know, big logo

[11:17] Super Mario Brothers coming to save the world this summer.

[11:20] And I think that's what got us the job.

[11:22] I think the movie poster.

[11:24] Now, that totally didn't work when we pitched the Munsters, and had shot a little video

[11:29] of the head of Herman Munster, and panned up, and it's a wedding cake with Marilyn Munster

[11:35] and a guy on top, and that was our pitch.

[11:38] That didn't work.

[11:39] So anyway, they had a movie with us.

[11:40] That's a great pitch for a Munsters movie, though.

[11:41] That is a great pitch.

[11:42] That's a fantastic pitch for a Munsters movie.

[11:44] You know?

[11:45] I have a question.

[11:46] Still available.

[11:47] I mean, the Munsters are a flawed concept to begin with, but that's not your fault.

[11:50] I mean, the genetics don't make any sense that a Frankenstein plus a vampire would make

[11:54] a wolfman.

[11:55] It doesn't, you know.

[11:56] But anyway, that's besides the point.

[11:57] Unless they're both carrying the recessive gene for lycanthropy.

[12:00] I don't know.

[12:01] I'm not a scientist.

[12:02] But, you know.

[12:03] Stewart, sorry.

[12:04] Wait.

[12:05] So, wait.

[12:06] If you were a scientist, you'd be able to answer questions of lycanthropy?

[12:11] Well, if I was a biologist who specialized in monstrology, sure, yeah.

[12:16] Okay.

[12:17] I know you just got distracted, but it really felt like you were interrupting, like, not

[12:24] to ask Parker a question, but to ask that question of biology.

[12:28] I do have a question.

[12:29] So, before putting this pitch together, were you a fan of Super Mario Bros.?

[12:36] I didn't.

[12:37] I had never played Super Mario Bros. until we got hired.

[12:40] In fact, nobody in the production office was that concerned about referencing the game.

[12:45] Okay.

[12:47] Nobody had done a video game movie, so nobody really knew what to do.

[12:51] That's what I wondered.

[12:53] I was wondering, because it really feels from the movie, like, I was wondering if there

[12:57] was any thought that, like, well, we have to give the fans the video game, like, something

[13:02] that they can hold on to, or if it was just like, they're called Mario and Luigi, maybe

[13:06] we see a pipe, done.

[13:08] We're making the movie.

[13:09] Like, is that, there was just no feeling that it had to, it really had to spring from the

[13:13] game particularly.

[13:15] Well, I think because they had done this, you know, they'd gone pretty far into a movie

[13:19] version of that, like that, right?

[13:21] They had tried that, and they really knew they didn't want to do that.

[13:26] It would skew too young, so I think they then were kind of lost, like, okay, well, now what

[13:30] do we do?

[13:31] Because it's not going to just be the bright colored video game thing.

[13:34] And you're saying that it wasn't like, when you were writing it, you weren't like, I can't

[13:38] believe I get to actually write a story for Mario and Luigi, two of my favorite characters.

[13:43] Well, all right, I was a big Donkey Kong addict, so, so I, you know, Mario has a place in my

[13:50] heart and, uh, you know.

[13:51] But Luigi can suck it.

[13:53] Wow.

[13:54] Hey, where was he when he, when the ape needed stopping?

[13:58] He wasn't helping.

[13:59] Yeah.

[14:00] I mean, not to be like, I don't want this to sound like weirdly condescending, but like,

[14:04] that's what I find charming about the movie is that it does feel like it's like the first

[14:09] of its kind.

[14:10] And like, people didn't necessarily know, like, what is a video game movie?

[14:14] Like, what is that?

[14:16] Like, like, like a book, you know, was being adapted into a play for the first time.

[14:21] And they're like, I don't know, maybe if we put the book on stage, like that could be

[14:25] the play.

[14:26] Is it new chapters?

[14:27] We don't know.

[14:28] We'll have to figure that out.

[14:29] How do we do it?

[14:30] Yeah.

[14:31] And like, Udo Kier wasn't sitting around, is that, wait, is it, who am I thinking of?

[14:35] No, that's Uwe Boll, but Udo Kier probably wasn't hanging around to answer video game

[14:41] questions.

[14:42] He was probably doing cool-ass shit.

[14:43] Yeah.

[14:44] I mean, knowing Udo Kier, yeah, definitely.

[14:45] I mean, he's a huge gamer, but still.

[14:49] It feels like this whole, like, road not taken for video game movies in a way that, like,

[14:54] I kind of really enjoy watching it, you know, like, yeah, but like, yeah, sorry, go on.

[15:01] Well, I'm trying to pay attention.

[15:06] That's always very hard.

[15:07] We can't even do that.

[15:08] Always hard.

[15:09] I was wondering, because I got the chance once to pitch on a job I didn't get for a

[15:13] Looney Tunes project, and I was like, just to be able to write a script where, like,

[15:17] I write, like, Bugs Bunny opens the door or something like that would be so exciting.

[15:22] And I'm always wondering when there's IP like this, if the writer who's doing it has that

[15:26] sort of, like, thrill, just being involved with those characters, or if it's just like,

[15:29] I just got to do this job.

[15:31] But I guess the Mario Brothers games, I mean, they're 40 years old now, but at the time

[15:34] they were 10 years old, you know, or something.

[15:37] It wasn't, it's not like you grew up playing it, you know?

[15:40] Yeah, but they were, they were the most, I mean, it was the most recognizable piece of

[15:44] IP at the time, like, more than Mickey Mouse, more than, like, so Mario, you know, had a

[15:50] huge, like, whatever they call that, what is it, Q, TVQ, anyway, Q rating, you know,

[15:57] everybody, like, there was a big understanding, okay, this is a popular character, but they,

[16:03] you know, there wasn't a character, it's like, Mario runs around and jumps.

[16:08] Especially back then, I don't think, like, he didn't even have a voice yet back then,

[16:12] there wasn't even, it's a me Mario, it was, or Mario, I'm sorry, it was just like, yeah,

[16:16] he really was just a guy in overalls who jumps on turtles.

[16:20] Like, yeah, and I think, I just, I think you should definitely tell everyone, as you did on

[16:25] the, on the live broadcast, do not jump on turtles.

[16:29] Yeah, yeah, that's something, thank you, for anyone who hasn't watched the broadcast,

[16:32] it was, it's not a good idea, the turtles don't like it, it's not healthy for you,

[16:35] you get salmonella from their shells, and they don't, you know, in the Mario games,

[16:40] often in the later games, the turtles will slide out of their shells and just get mad at you,

[16:43] that's not what happens, trust me, trust, from a guy who knows, because I learned the wrong way,

[16:47] do not jump on a turtle, yeah, I want to, go ahead, no, I just wanted to ask, like,

[16:53] when you came on, was, did you have, like, a, like, because there had been previous drafts,

[16:58] were there particular marching orders, that they're, like, we want you for this specific

[17:04] reason, like, what, what you're, like, so, direction you were pointed in, yeah, well,

[17:09] we, we didn't take direction very well, so, we had, we had it in our brains,

[17:14] we wanted to make Ghostbusters, so, in our, in our head, we wanted Bruno Kirby as Mario,

[17:22] and we loved John Leguizamo, he had done a live show, and we saw in Chicago, and, you know,

[17:27] we pitched him pretty early as Luigi, and, but, you know, that, we wanted Mario to be younger,

[17:36] and kind of more Bill Murray-esque, and we wrote it, you know, in our first version of this,

[17:41] we had him hitting on women, and he's trying to fix a dishwasher, and he's kind of, like,

[17:48] you know, I'm making bad double entendres, and, like, talking about pipes, probably, yeah,

[17:54] probably talking about pipes, wetness, anyway, yeah, so, we, we had a more wise-cracking,

[18:03] you know, Ghostbustery tone, and we wanted, you know, we knew that we had the concept,

[18:08] which was the dinosaurs had not actually gone extinct, they were thrust into a parallel

[18:14] dimension when the meteorite hit, or meteor hit, and, you know, evolved into sort of people,

[18:20] which we thought was genius, we just thought this is the best idea ever, and, you know,

[18:24] finally, somebody has something we can hang on, you know, hang a story on, later on, I realized

[18:30] they probably had just seen a Doctor Who episode with the Saurians, and, and, but, but at the time,

[18:37] I was, like, you know, super enthralled, and, and, so, Terry and I were, you know,

[18:42] we're comedy writers, and we were trying to, you know, make it funny, and make it Ghostbusters,

[18:46] and the producers, first of all, they wanted to keep the entire first act that Jim Genowin and

[18:51] Tom Parker wrote, and just have us go from there, and I was, like, no, we can't, you can't set up

[18:56] one movie, and then write another movie, and go from there, so, so, we didn't do that, and then

[19:03] they wanted us to keep everything in Brooklyn as long as possible, because they didn't have the

[19:07] budget that they really needed to go do Dino, you know, Dino World, Dino Hatton, and so, we,

[19:14] you know, kind of extended the story in Brooklyn, and added a whole bunch of nonsense, makes no

[19:20] sense now, it's like, well, there's these girls that are kidnapped, and, but it's by these guys

[19:25] who don't, can't recognize humans apart, and so they can't get the princess right, and so there's,

[19:30] like, these, like, half-dozen girls from Brooklyn that are being kidnapped.

[19:35] One from Queens.

[19:36] And, yeah, and people will know, people who watch the show will know, that people who watched our

[19:40] live show will know that, like, that is, those are by far the best characters in the movie,

[19:44] our favorite characters, are all these Brooklyn ladies. The minute, the minute Mario's...

[19:48] I love there's the one woman who's smoking a cigarette the whole time.

[19:51] The minute Daniela, Mario's girlfriend, comes on screen, I'm like, who is this?

[19:55] This is the, like, this is the movie I want to see, come on.

[19:58] Yeah.

[19:58] But it makes that, like, um...

[20:00] I love the idea of that the version you're talking about because as much as I love Bob Hoskins as an actor he is so

[20:06] Not creating a character in in the brothers movie and I feel like someone like Bruno Kirby would be like, okay

[20:13] I know this guy like I you know, I can do this whereas

[20:17] It maybe wasn't the best the best use of Bob if it was Bob Hoskins

[20:20] It feels like they were like he looks like the character get him in that get him in overalls get him out there

[20:25] You know, yeah, no, they went to everybody who could possibly look like a short squat mustachioed

[20:32] Danny DeVito they went to you know, they went to a lot of people well and also like Hoskins

[20:37] Was in Who Framed Roger Rabbit at this point, right?

[20:40] Like I feel like that's there's the some studio exec probably saw the parallels in their head

[20:46] Yeah, I there was also a ticking clock and they had to make a deal and you know, Tom Hanks had turned them down and

[20:54] Etc. So I you know, we we were in the middle of writing when they've made that deal

[20:59] And so suddenly our draft made no sense

[21:03] And it's like Bob Hoskins is not gonna be you know coming on to the lady looking up her skirt and under

[21:12] It'd be incredibly threatening if he did that

[21:17] So we got a pat we did a pass where we we made him more of a fatherly older brother and

[21:23] Tried to make that work. I mean, that's I mean, you know, I I don't know like that

[21:27] that's some of the stuff I enjoy the most is the the sort of warmth of

[21:32] just him with

[21:34] Luigi and we learned on

[21:37] The the live stream that you were responsible for the Mario Mario

[21:42] Scene, which has become Nintendo Canon

[21:46] so, you know, I would say

[21:49] You it's very fortunate you it seems like all of the best material

[21:56] That I remember at least comes from your draft. Well, no, let's let's be fair. So so really what happened was we

[22:05] We did a quick quick draft to try to make it Bob Hoskins and then they pant they got nervous and they said

[22:12] Actually lovely man named Fred Caruso who's one of the producers on the Godfather movies?

[22:17] Came up and he said just theoretically hypothetically, how soon would it take you to get packed up and out of this office?

[22:30] No rush, but tomorrow would be good

[22:34] Where were the offices were they like did they have you on the studio lot? No, this is in a light mode of entertainment

[22:40] This is Roland's company in West Hollywood

[22:43] Robertson Boulevard and so we would they had a loft and so it was sort of the idea loft

[22:49] So they we had the the Nintendo console and I I logged many serious hours plan

[22:54] So I became an addict of Super Mario Brothers

[22:57] Yeah

[22:57] and I was actually the one who was kind of the keeper of the flight of the game flame like I

[23:04] Insisted, you know

[23:05] well

[23:05] you can't just ignore all of the stuff like Nintendo had given us a

[23:09] Cheap a cheat sheet of like here's the characters, you know

[23:13] The bob-omb and the thwomps and the you know, so we've got a reference these guys somehow and so I was wherever possible

[23:20] I'm like, you know shoehorning it. Well, this is toad. Yeah

[23:25] the guy with the harmonica is toad and this is you know, the

[23:29] We you know, we had we couldn't make we couldn't do Bowser because that was just too weird

[23:35] So we made him Koopa and we couldn't do so why was Daisy why was Bowser too weird? I

[23:43] Think you know, I

[23:46] Guess I think you can't you can't help but think of the Sean on our guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's just

[23:52] not threatening

[23:53] He's also yeah, he's also one of the least threatening members of Sean. I'm not not not to mention already. It's not

[23:59] It's a non-threatening band. Yeah, so yeah, is he though? All right

[24:05] He does, you know flexes muscles a lot that's true. So but what would

[24:10] Strong but his muscles aren't that big

[24:13] I'm I wonder is is it scarier to have like a dinosaur dragon man?

[24:19] Dragon turtle man or Dennis Hopper and I think Dennis Hopper is scarier

[24:25] Yeah with that haircut at least. Mm-hmm

[24:28] Yes, and in real life even scarier. Yeah, well that was

[24:33] Well, I wanted to ask about that too it seems I'd seem like

[24:38] It was a tense

[24:40] Production and I don't know how close you were to it whether you would yeah

[24:44] so so what happened was Ed Solomon and oh god, I

[24:49] Forgot the other guy's name. I'm sorry other guy Ed Solomon and a partner were brought in after us

[24:56] Well, actually no

[24:57] they they brought George Stone in who had worked with them on max headroom and they and I think oh no and then

[25:03] Dick

[25:05] Dick Clement and Iain Lafrenie was a bunch of a couple of really seasoned British

[25:10] sitcom writers

[25:12] They did a draft that was sort of a kind of a die-hard draft

[25:17] so there was a lot of work done on this script and honestly the their draft was what got like

[25:23] Fiona Shaw interested like they created that character and gave her a bunch of stuff to do and then Ed Solomon

[25:29] Came and sort of undid all

[25:31] So she's in the movie now wouldn't you know and kind of wondering what happened?

[25:38] So lots and lots of

[25:39] Character part now. Yeah her character. You're like, why is this in the movie?

[25:43] That makes sense that it said it's left over from an earlier

[25:46] Earlier draft. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I think it was in the movie because because Rocky and Annabelle

[25:52] We're really kind of interested in making this more and more adult. Yeah, they were not

[25:57] They didn't want it to be a kid thing at all. They wanted it to be like, you know

[26:01] Hyper-aggressive characters and kind of a punk rock feel and I can see some of that on the screen

[26:09] Yeah, and the the police officers all wearing fetish gear with bedazzled police on their backs, you know

[26:16] That's how they love they loved that. They were had all over the office. They had the like spiky rubber suits everywhere. I

[26:25] Can't I can only surmise but yeah, so they

[26:30] So there are numerous drafts Ed Solomon's I think wrote the final shooting draft in a week of all-nighters and

[26:37] That's what they were shooting and we were kind of friendly with one of the guys in the office

[26:44] one of the production people

[26:46] Lenny Young and we were keeping tabs on what was going on and kind of wondering, you know, where the

[26:52] You know, we'd worked on it and we were we liked the project and we were you know, we were motivated to stay involved

[26:59] and he suggested we might want to come out to the set and

[27:02] so Terry and I said, all right, well and we got in a car and we drove to North Carolina from Chicago and

[27:10] We showed up on the set and and Rocky comes like running over just oh good. You're here

[27:15] You know

[27:16] I was I was just saying I need a couple of pencils and

[27:19] that was his term for the you know, people who would listen to him and write down what he said and

[27:24] And and then the producers went oh good you're here

[27:27] We need a couple of people to cut 25 pages out of everything that we haven't shot yet because we're 25 million dollars over budget

[27:36] and so

[27:38] Played with the margins and you were cutting stage directions

[27:42] Yeah, you know that dialogue extended where that one extra word, you know get that up on the page

[27:48] Yeah, it's it feels so good when you when you get rid of a line and it's like and you and you're like I didn't change

[27:55] Anything about how this how much time this will take but it certainly looks like it's shorter

[28:04] Hey kid

[28:06] Your dad tell you about the time. He broke Steven Dorf's nose that the kids choice Awards

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[29:32] Jackie and Laurie show Mondays only on maximum fun. This podcast is sponsored in part by better help online therapy

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[30:37] All of these are things that therapy can help.

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[31:07] You see, you know, he seems really happy, you know.

[31:10] But I bet that's probably a result of therapy.

[31:11] I don't know anything about him.

[31:12] I might be starting a rumor, but it shouldn't be a rumor, because everyone should get therapy.

[31:15] Yeah, but he and McKellen, Pallon around.

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[32:00] So yeah, the set was a disaster.

[32:03] It was shooting in this abandoned cement factory in North Carolina that they shot the crow

[32:10] there.

[32:11] Okay.

[32:12] And so there had already been a horrific incident.

[32:14] Yeah, so it's got a really good track record, yeah, for smooth shoots, yeah.

[32:20] And it's 110 degrees and they can't run any air conditioning because of the sound.

[32:25] And then they can't use any of the sound anyway.

[32:27] Oh, God.

[32:30] That's horrible.

[32:32] And everyone is miserable and nobody has, none of the directors, I'm sorry, none of

[32:36] the actors are, you know, getting any direction really.

[32:40] And so they're all sort of afloat.

[32:43] And Richard Edson and Fisher Stevens, you know, they're basically making up everything.

[32:48] They're just improvising everything that they're doing.

[32:50] Yeah, that was a question I had is how much of that was on the page and how much was them

[32:54] just trying to do a riff on?

[32:56] I think they were just trying to, you know, and they wanted as much screen time as they

[32:59] could so they would go keep riffing.

[33:02] And they were great.

[33:03] Yeah.

[33:04] Fisher Stevens is actually in the first movie that Terry and I got made called Mystery Date.

[33:09] So he plays a psychotic flower delivery person who's chasing after Ethan Hawke on a date

[33:15] that's gone awry.

[33:17] So lots of misery on the set.

[33:18] But also, you know, we had a great time.

[33:21] Like everybody else is miserable.

[33:22] We show up and it's like, oh, my God, look at this set of Dino Hatton and look at these

[33:27] props and look at the Goombas.

[33:29] You know, the genius production design of the creatures and the Goombas is a guy named

[33:38] Patrick Tatopoulos, who did all of the creature design.

[33:41] Yeah, I think he I think he's done.

[33:43] He was on that that show Face Off, I think.

[33:46] Oh, I think he was one of the I don't know if he was a regular judge, but I definitely

[33:51] feel like I've I've seen him on there.

[33:54] And yeah, he's very well known now.

[33:55] He does all of the Zack Snyder stuff.

[33:59] I think he did some underworld stuff, too, maybe possibly he's he's a he was a genius.

[34:05] And so, you know, a lot of incredibly talented people.

[34:09] And it's fun to see the effects and the the and the what do they call it, articulated

[34:14] puppet that that was Yoshi.

[34:16] So there's like these sticks that are coming out that are blue screened out and they're

[34:19] walking this thing.

[34:21] And there's like all these wires coming and there's puppeteers doing all of this blinking

[34:25] and stuff.

[34:26] And it just it looked like it looks real on the set.

[34:30] And so that was amazing.

[34:32] But no, the actors were just miserable.

[34:34] Samantha Mathis, poor poor Samantha Mathis.

[34:38] She was shooting another movie at the same time.

[34:41] So she was coming from the set of the thing called Love.

[34:47] And I think she and she and River Phoenix were an item at the time.

[34:51] And so you can if you if you freeze frame the movie, you can see like she hasn't slept.

[34:58] But think of think of the stories she gets to take to that set from the Supermarket.

[35:03] Yeah.

[35:04] Well, what what tonal whiplash between those two movies?

[35:10] She starts calling River Phoenix Yoshi on the set of the other one.

[35:13] And you're like, what?

[35:14] Let me oh, I'm sorry.

[35:15] I thought you were a dinosaur for a second.

[35:16] I apologize.

[35:17] What's that?

[35:18] Am I on that?

[35:19] But it must be the scene that said it looks yeah, it looks like it must have been amazing

[35:24] just to like walk around in it, you know, just to get to see.

[35:27] Yeah, it really was.

[35:28] And and, you know, you miss you miss a lot when it's on film, you know, they every corner

[35:32] is crammed with stuff that, you know, that's I think that's the great joy of being the

[35:37] screenwriter is just knowing that some poor prop person had to stay up late and make the

[35:43] you know, the meat doughnuts that you wrote into the thing.

[35:51] So so, yeah, so and we hung out mostly.

[35:57] So Fiona Shaw was trying to get us to write more stuff for her because she was she thought

[36:00] we were Dick Clement and Ian Lever for an A.

[36:05] Great.

[36:06] And yeah, so we hung out with Richard Edson and Mojo Nixon when we could.

[36:11] And mostly we hung out in the editorial department and I became really good friends with Mark

[36:15] Goldblatt, who's stayed an amazing close friend for years.

[36:20] In fact, I thought of you guys because he or much a long time ago now through Mark Goldblatt,

[36:28] I met Stuart Gordon and got to, you know, got invited to the private cast and crew screening

[36:35] of Castle Freak.

[36:36] Oh, wow.

[36:37] Oh, man.

[36:38] It all comes back to the blabla.

[36:40] Oh, man.

[36:41] Well, Castle Freak is like Kevin Bacon.

[36:44] You're never more than six degrees away from it at any given time, you know.

[36:49] You got to maybe you got to see our friend, our new friend, Barbara Crampton, who still

[36:55] puts little hearts on our Instagram stories.

[37:00] She's amazing.

[37:01] She's the best.

[37:02] She's so sweet.

[37:03] Yeah.

[37:04] Yeah.

[37:05] So.

[37:06] So, yeah, we hung out in the editorial and it was pretty clear from looking at the editorial

[37:10] that this was not working.

[37:11] Yeah.

[37:12] Yeah.

[37:13] You know, they tried real hard and they kept I think, as you guys noted, they just kept

[37:17] cutting it faster and faster.

[37:19] Yeah.

[37:20] Boy, I was I was trying to take notes while I was watching it.

[37:23] And a long time flop house listeners will know that I usually the only time I get to

[37:25] watch these movies usually is while I'm doing the dishes or now while I'm eating lunch.

[37:30] And I had that like the dishes were taking me so long because I was like, hold on, wait,

[37:35] I got it.

[37:36] I got to write more notes.

[37:37] Hold on.

[37:38] Hold on a second.

[37:39] Like, usually I can let a scene go by in a movie and then write down, you know, in the

[37:41] line what happened in the scene.

[37:42] But with this, it was like, wait, OK, then this thing happened.

[37:44] This OK.

[37:45] And then they get brought to the interrogation room and Cooper's there and he's pretending

[37:48] to be a lawyer.

[37:49] But then he immediately drops that act and starts just telling him that they're Cooper

[37:52] and they get taken away to be devolved and they see another guy get devolved.

[37:56] And so Mojo Nixon gets turned into a Goomba and they give him his harmonica.

[38:00] And then they're about to devolve the Mario Brothers, but they push Cooper in but just

[38:04] a little bit.

[38:05] So he doesn't get devolved all the way and they escape like it's the movie is like, yeah,

[38:09] I feel like if you if you close your eyes for for too long while watching the movie,

[38:13] then you're like, what happened?

[38:14] Where are they?

[38:15] What's going on?

[38:16] Which in which, in retrospect, like is super fun, like it makes the movie more fun in some

[38:21] ways that it's like the movie.

[38:23] It's like the movie.

[38:24] As soon as the title screen comes up, Super Mario Brothers, it's like the movie is checking

[38:27] to make sure you have your seatbelt on and then it's like, OK, let's go like a hundred

[38:31] miles per hour.

[38:32] Let's keep moving.

[38:33] Yes.

[38:34] Well, anyway, we're on the set trying to cut lines and see and we get this horrible call

[38:42] from a PA that we need to come immediately, that the directors and the producers need

[38:48] us immediately because Dennis Hopper is very unhappy.

[38:53] And so basically, the producers and the director have thrown us under the bus because we cut

[39:02] like four lines out of some speeches.

[39:04] And he you know, he'd already committed what few brain cells, you know, were working to

[39:09] like memorizing the one that he memorized.

[39:12] And he hollered at us for at least half an hour, like if you timed it, like he kept screaming.

[39:20] He made me look up the word act in the dictionary and read it out loud.

[39:25] It was it was.

[39:26] Wait, wait.

[39:27] Did you have a dictionary on set?

[39:29] Yeah.

[39:30] Yeah.

[39:31] That's somebody like somebody, some poor PA had to go get a dictionary so I could read

[39:37] the definition of the word act.

[39:39] And yeah, it's like basically whatever we whatever time we save by cutting the four

[39:45] lines.

[39:46] Yeah.

[39:47] It was eaten up in the production by I think we lost the whole day for Dennis that day.

[39:55] And yeah, everybody, nobody escaped unscathed.

[40:00] Eventually, we left and we were done with our little,

[40:05] you know, we cut what we could and we, you know,

[40:08] did the best we could.

[40:09] There was no ending,

[40:10] because the ending we had written

[40:11] was supposed to be on top of the Brooklyn Bridge

[40:13] and was this giant climactic battle

[40:15] on top of the Brooklyn Bridge.

[40:17] And that had gotten scrapped long ago.

[40:21] And so we pitched this kind of goofy,

[40:24] like, we'll just make it as goofy as possible.

[40:26] There'll be a ba-bomb, it'll be tiny.

[40:29] Koopa will go into a bucket

[40:33] and then a giant, you know, Tyrannosaurus head will come out

[40:37] and that's what they wound up shooting.

[40:41] Yeah, yeah.

[40:42] In some ways, it was pretty good.

[40:48] Did Dennis Hopper ever apologize?

[40:50] I'm guessing not, but I'm willing to be proven wrong.

[40:53] No.

[40:54] Okay.

[40:54] I wish I was wrong on that, that he like sent you-

[40:57] Nobody apologizes in Hollywood.

[40:59] That's not a thing.

[41:01] Yeah, so we left and we, here's the thing, okay?

[41:05] Anybody who does anything in Hollywood knows this.

[41:08] You are deluded all the time that this could work.

[41:13] Yeah.

[41:14] Like you're, like you, hope springs eternal.

[41:16] It's like this treadmill of hope

[41:18] where you're like thinking, you know, it's not a good movie,

[41:22] but there are worse movies

[41:23] that have made a gajillion dollars on Memorial Day.

[41:27] Who knows?

[41:28] We don't know, but they had a test screening

[41:32] and it did not go well.

[41:34] And a lot of people in the audience

[41:35] were confused, essentially.

[41:37] Like they didn't understand the premise.

[41:40] And so they brought Terry and I back to write ADR dialogue.

[41:47] And the post-production supervisor said

[41:49] it was the most ADR dialogue she had ever seen in a movie.

[41:53] Because A, the sound they'd captured on set

[41:56] all had to be looped.

[41:58] And then we came in and whenever a character's

[42:00] in the long shot or turning their head away,

[42:04] we're saying, meteorite, earth, parallel dimensions.

[42:10] Nobody got it.

[42:11] And then they forced us to write an intro

[42:14] to like set up the premise.

[42:16] And we're like, we're dragging our heels.

[42:18] Nobody wants to do this intro

[42:20] and because they have no budget left.

[42:24] Who's the guy who does your animation?

[42:26] Tony Oker is the guy who does the intros

[42:29] for the live show.

[42:32] And then John Holt, our friend,

[42:34] did the interstitials in this streaming thing

[42:38] this last time.

[42:39] I think we got somebody's second cousin's nephew's

[42:43] girlfriend, I don't know, wherever they got this person.

[42:46] Our thought was, okay, we'll do an animated intro

[42:49] in the style of the video game.

[42:51] Oh, right.

[42:53] We'll tie it all together.

[42:54] We'll do a, it'll look like the video game.

[42:57] And we had Dan Casalinetta reading the voiceover

[43:01] and I'd known him from Chicago.

[43:05] And we had, yeah, so we wrote this thing

[43:09] like Brooklyn 65 million years ago

[43:13] and then Brooklyn now.

[43:14] Of course, no meteor ever hit Brooklyn.

[43:17] Okay.

[43:19] Yeah, it wouldn't have the guts.

[43:20] It wouldn't have the balls to come at Brooklyn.

[43:22] You learn something every day.

[43:23] Take that shit elsewhere, meteorite.

[43:25] Come on, forget about it.

[43:28] So we added all this dialogue looping

[43:30] and we added the intro and it's still,

[43:34] we had the premiere screening and my own mother

[43:36] came up to me at the premiere screening

[43:37] and said it was the worst movie

[43:38] she'd ever seen in her life.

[43:41] Well, I can introduce your mother to some other movies

[43:45] from the Flophouse's back catalog

[43:47] that I assure her are worse.

[43:51] You're supposed to lie.

[43:52] You're my mother.

[43:54] Oh no, parents, I think they get a thrill

[43:57] out of those moments.

[43:59] There's a number of things I've worked,

[44:01] there was something I won an award for writing

[44:03] and my dad was like, and I said,

[44:04] I won an award for it.

[44:05] He goes, oh, I thought it was pretty poor.

[44:06] I thought that one was pretty poor.

[44:08] I was like, thanks dad, appreciate it.

[44:11] Not your best effort.

[44:12] So I have a two part question.

[44:15] The first is, did you have a hand in the end of the movie

[44:19] where they, that is very blatantly setting up

[44:23] the next adventure?

[44:25] I have to admit that that was entirely me.

[44:28] Okay, so that's what I was hoping you were going to say.

[44:32] What was the plan for the next adventure?

[44:34] Yeah.

[44:36] So, all right, so what was supposed to happen

[44:41] is when they merged the dimensions,

[44:44] we envisioned there being like sort of,

[44:47] how there's a multiverse, it's very popular now,

[44:50] that we would see all of these incredible other dimensions

[44:55] and like, including the video game,

[44:56] like you'd see the characters in a video game dimension

[44:59] and you'd see like, you know, the evolved from chipmunks,

[45:03] you know, you'd see a bunch of different things

[45:06] that were, you know, that it wasn't just the dinosaurs.

[45:09] So our idea for the sequel was, you know,

[45:11] the dimensions are collapsing

[45:13] and there's a whole bunch of other dimensions

[45:14] and, you know, we've got to somehow stabilize the meteor

[45:18] and et cetera.

[45:19] That's a great idea.

[45:20] And they had already tacked, they tacked on the-

[45:22] That movie's coming out.

[45:23] It's the new Spider-Man movie.

[45:25] And also the last Spider-Man cartoon movie.

[45:28] And kind of all of Rick and Morty.

[45:31] Yeah.

[45:32] We were ahead of our time, what can I say?

[45:34] Well, it was amazing to have you appear.

[45:39] If you want to see him appear

[45:43] and two thirds of the Flophouse looked panicked

[45:46] all of a sudden, like they've been caught doing something

[45:49] they shouldn't be, you can watch the live show

[45:53] for a little bit more probably now.

[45:56] But before you go, we wanted to ask

[45:58] whether there was anything you wanted to plug,

[46:01] anything you wanted to say to the listeners,

[46:03] any like message you want to get out in the world.

[46:06] Something to the young generation for the future.

[46:09] The younger, yeah.

[46:10] Well, so for one thing,

[46:14] one of the things that is sad to me

[46:16] is that my writing partner, Terry Runtay

[46:20] really did not want to be remembered as,

[46:22] primarily as the guy who wrote Super Mario Brothers.

[46:25] And he died quite a while ago.

[46:28] And I realized, oh, you know what?

[46:30] There's a whole bunch of his stuff that's really brilliant

[46:33] that I could put on the internet.

[46:34] And so I'm launching a website

[46:37] as sort of a tribute to him called TerryRuntay.com.

[46:40] His birthday's coming up on October 8th

[46:42] and the site will launch then.

[46:44] And I'm doing a little Zoom reading

[46:46] of a story about Super Mario Brothers.

[46:49] And so people want to, I don't know when this is coming out,

[46:52] but if it's coming out before October 8th,

[46:54] you can go to TerryRuntay.com

[46:56] and sign up and get the Zoom link for that.

[46:59] And I should note, there's a guy,

[47:02] a couple of guys, Ryan Haas and Steven Applebaum

[47:04] who are absolute like maniacs about Super Mario Brothers.

[47:08] And they've created a whole archive

[47:10] of everything about the movie at smbmovie.com.

[47:15] And so if you're interested in how this movie,

[47:18] the genesis of this movie

[47:20] and the disastrous production of it and everything else,

[47:24] all of that is there at smbmovie.com.

[47:27] Well-

[47:28] I will say that there are movies that I,

[47:30] I mean, as much as I enjoy the Super Mario Brothers movie,

[47:33] there are other movies that I dearly love

[47:35] that I find the making of them not half,

[47:38] not even a 10th as interesting

[47:39] as I do the making of this movie.

[47:41] So now it's like there's nothing I don't want to know

[47:44] about the making of this movie.

[47:46] I just want to know everything I can.

[47:47] So I'm going to be spending a lot of time

[47:49] on that site for sure.

[47:51] Yeah.

[47:51] Well, I think you guys can take some credit here

[47:53] because apparently like today there was a news article

[47:56] about how Super Mario Brothers is like trending

[47:59] and is like number six in the charts on Amazon.

[48:02] Like people are buying,

[48:03] I am assuming it's all because of the live show.

[48:06] Oh yeah, yeah.

[48:07] It's the flop house bump, we call it.

[48:08] Yeah, yeah.

[48:09] Yeah.

[48:10] If only, if only we had that much power.

[48:12] I don't think it's that Chris Pratt news

[48:15] or anything like that.

[48:15] No, no, no.

[48:16] No, I mean, they wanted to get that news out of there

[48:18] before our live show anyway,

[48:20] because they wanted to, you know.

[48:21] Yeah, yeah.

[48:22] Trying to change the conversation.

[48:23] Catch the wave, yeah.

[48:24] Yeah.

[48:25] Catch the wave.

[48:26] Catch the wave, dudes.

[48:26] They wanted to taste the rainbow.

[48:28] They're like, well, no one's going to be interested

[48:29] in Super Mario Brothers after the flop house show.

[48:32] It's only the huge lead up to the flop house show.

[48:34] So we better release this Chris Pratt information now.

[48:38] Well, thank you, Parker, for being a lister

[48:43] and also for not hating us for talking about the movie,

[48:47] which we all, I think, really enjoyed.

[48:50] So perhaps there's no reason to.

[48:53] Thank you, yeah.

[48:54] No, it was a big question for me

[48:55] whether it was a good, bad, worst movie

[48:58] my mother had ever seen in her life

[49:00] or a bad, bad, worst movie my mother

[49:03] had ever seen in her life.

[49:05] Well, there's no better place to stop than there.

[49:09] Thank you to Alex, our Al Smith, our producer.

[49:13] If he has a last name, go for it.

[49:15] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[49:16] I thought, why not do both of them?

[49:18] He got two in the mail.

[49:20] Use both.

[49:24] Go over to MaximumFun.org.

[49:27] Check out the other podcasts.

[49:30] Thank you again to our guest, Parker Bennett,

[49:32] but for The Flop House, I've been Dan McCoy.

[49:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[49:36] I'm Ellie Kalin, and our guest has been Parker Bennett.

[49:39] And don't forget, if you're listening to this

[49:41] on day of release, to go check out our limited edition merch

[49:45] and you might be able to still catch that live show.

[49:48] Bye.

[49:54] MaximumFun.org, comedy and culture.

[49:58] Artist owned.

[49:59] Audience.

[50:00] it.

FH Mini 39 - We Talk to a Super Mario Bros. Screenwriter

Transcript

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