The Moment, with Hallie Haglund

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the moment.

[0:04] Like right now?

[0:30] Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:33] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:35] Yo, yo, yo. Elliot Kalin coming to you from the house.

[0:38] No, no. Stop it right now.

Elliott Kalan

[0:40] All right. I'm rejected.

[0:42] Slapped.

[0:44] Almost immediately. I tried something and almost immediately was told no.

[0:47] That's fine.

[0:48] Didn't like it.

[0:49] Well, I'm just going to say...

[0:50] It was kind of the way you crossed your arms and looked all sassy when you did it.

[0:54] Was the angle of my hat, though, when I turned the brim not quite right to sell it?

[0:59] Was it the fact that I based this character mainly on t-shirts of Looney Tunes characters in Gangsta Guard?

[1:05] Yeah.

[1:06] Well, anyway, we've got a guest joining us today on the Flophouse.

[1:09] A very special guest.

[1:11] The specialist guest we've had except for the time when my son was on the show.

[1:15] It's the star of the show.

[1:17] That's right.

[1:17] The star of the show is here.

[1:19] One Halston Haglund.

[1:23] I see.

[1:24] You got to say something.

[1:25] You got to do the cute pose to the camera.

Dan McCoy

[1:28] Instead of saying hello.

Hallie Haglund

[1:30] Hello.

Dan McCoy

[1:32] Oh, hello.

[1:32] I like how Hallie's face fell when she took second seat to your child.

[1:37] To my own son, yeah.

[1:39] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[1:39] Outrage.

[1:40] Come on.

[1:40] Yeah.

[1:41] Who's consistently more of a joy in your life?

Dan McCoy

[1:44] That is a good point.

[1:45] That's a very good point.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46] Who's known longer, Ellie?

[1:47] And who has more experience performing?

Elliott Kalan

[1:50] It's all signs point to Hallie.

[1:52] That's true.

[1:53] But this is an ongoing feud between Hallie and my older son, Sammy.

[1:57] Yeah.

[1:57] Wow.

[1:59] Watch out, Sammy.

[2:01] She's threatening.

Dan McCoy

[2:02] Hallie, I didn't realize you also had a large iced coffee along with that.

[2:07] Hallie's too beverageing today.

Hallie Haglund

[2:09] I came prepared.

Elliott Kalan

[2:11] She has 40 ounces of water and a large iced coffee.

Hallie Haglund

[2:13] Yeah.

[2:14] And the bathroom's under construction.

Elliott Kalan

[2:16] Oh, no.

[2:17] That's true.

[2:18] That's true.

[2:18] What a terrible choice.

Hallie Haglund

[2:19] If only I had one of those mobile toilet robots.

Stuart Wellington

[2:22] That's what we were talking about before the show.

Elliott Kalan

[2:24] Hallie's doing some amazing callbacks to material from before the show.

[2:30] Are you telling me Sammy could do any better?

Dan McCoy

[2:33] No.

[2:33] Maybe not.

[2:34] Maybe not.

[2:35] Yeah.

[2:36] Clearly, it's always a joy when Hallie joins us.

[2:39] And as happens when Hallie joins us, I threw Hallie a list of movies.

[2:45] I was like, which of these sparks joy for you?

[2:49] And Hallie said, let's talk about the moment.

[2:51] The Charlie XCX.

[2:54] Sorry.

[2:55] X Charlie.

Elliott Kalan

[2:57] Is this how it's going to go?

Dan McCoy

[3:00] I mean, I will trip over several things when I try and say them.

Elliott Kalan

[3:03] I will say, Charlie XCX is a hard name to say quickly.

[3:08] I was having trouble when I was explaining this movie to people, partly because I was having

[3:11] trouble saying the name.

[3:13] Hallie was raising a question.

[3:14] I don't know if it's going to end up on the recording, but Hallie was raising the question

[3:17] of what number XCX even is in Roman numerals, right?

[3:20] Because it's like 10, 110.

[3:22] But because of their placement, those two X's should cancel each other out.

[3:25] They should say Charlie 100, right?

[3:27] Mm-hmm.

[3:28] Yeah.

[3:28] It's really complicated, guys.

[3:30] So what's this whole movie about?

[3:32] Oh, and also on this podcast, we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[3:34] So Dan, what's this movie about?

[3:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:36] Well, I'm going to start off by saying this movie is, I'm on summary and this movie is

[3:41] hard to summarize because it is not about much.

[3:45] It is about, it is a fictionalized version of the experience of being Charlie XCX.

[3:53] It is-

[3:54] Great.

Elliott Kalan

[3:55] It is the truth about Charlie.

Dan McCoy

[3:56] It is a mockumentary where it is more about throwing you into the world and sort of the

[4:04] tone of like what's happening.

Elliott Kalan

[4:05] I will say, I have never seen a mockumentary that was so low on mock and so high on you-mentary.

[4:11] Like it really feels like it is trying at times just to be a regular documentary.

Dan McCoy

[4:16] Yeah.

[4:16] The comedy is so dry that it's mostly evaporated, I would say, in this film.

Elliott Kalan

[4:20] I laughed.

Dan McCoy

[4:22] Did you?

[4:22] Yeah.

[4:23] Well, we'll talk about it.

[4:23] It's hard not to laugh.

[4:24] Not like the whole time.

Elliott Kalan

[4:25] It's hard not to laugh when Caper Lance in the movie.

[4:28] Yeah.

[4:28] I mean, there's a lot of-

Dan McCoy

[4:29] Like nothing.

[4:30] Nothing.

[4:31] Are you kidding me?

Elliott Kalan

[4:31] You don't have to give her much.

[4:32] She's Caper Lance.

[4:33] She'll make do with everything.

[4:34] All she's got to do is go.

[4:36] That was really cross her eyes.

Dan McCoy

[4:38] I was delighted to see her.

[4:39] But like Caper Lance, like I think says three sentences maybe.

[4:43] Well, Stath was in there letting flats all throughout the movie too.

[4:46] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:46] I mean, I think he was great in it.

[4:48] And I mean, you have a comedic powerhouse, Rosanna fucking Arquette, dude.

Dan McCoy

[4:52] That's true.

[4:53] She's funny in it.

[4:54] I mean, I was glad to see her.

[4:56] Again, I don't know that anyone has given much of anything.

[5:00] Well, Sarsgaard has given the most.

Elliott Kalan

[5:02] Yeah.

[5:03] Yeah.

[5:03] He's still coming.

[5:04] Sarsgaard.

[5:05] Alexander Sarsgaard is in it throughout.

[5:07] Murderbot himself.

[5:08] And he's very funny throughout.

[5:09] Yeah.

[5:10] No, he's got the most juice.

[5:12] So you know what?

[5:12] This is heavy on mock, I guess.

[5:14] Maybe, you know what?

[5:15] Maybe after years of Christopher Guest movies, our standards for mockumentaries are too high.

[5:20] We expect nonstop laughs.

Dan McCoy

[5:21] In that they should make us laugh once.

[5:25] Yeah, exactly.

[5:26] I think I was cooler on this picture, perhaps.

[5:27] I think I was cooler on this picture, perhaps.

[5:30] But we'll get into it.

Elliott Kalan

[5:32] I mean, I think I would have disliked the movie more if I was summarizing it.

[5:35] Because when we get to final judgments, you'll see.

Dan McCoy

[5:38] Well, I was going to say, as I summarize, because it is a movie that is not, the plot is not necessarily the point.

[5:45] I will probably skip a bunch of stuff.

[5:47] But if you want to highlight anything that I'm skipping, please jump in.

Elliott Kalan

[5:50] Now, wait, before we start with the plot, though, I just want to ask, what was your guys' experience with the work of Charlie XCX before watching this movie?

[5:58] Because I've got to say, other than that I Don't Care song, I don't really know her music at all.

Dan McCoy

[6:03] I know that song, but I did not know until it played over the closing credits of this that that was her.

Stuart Wellington

[6:10] That she was featured and she wrote the song that another band is credited with.

[6:15] Yes.

[6:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:16] Much like Sparks with the song Singing in the Shower.

Stuart Wellington

[6:19] Yeah, I don't know that.

[6:20] So that reference just flew right over my head.

Elliott Kalan

[6:23] That's fine, that's fine.

[6:23] That's the real Sparks' heads.

Dan McCoy

[6:24] Unlike most of the references Elliot makes, which totally land.

[6:28] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[6:29] So, yeah, I mean, I was familiar with her.

[6:31] I think I was very into her Letterboxd reviews.

[6:36] I think she's, you know, I think she's got really great taste in movies, which is probably why she's in so many of them right now.

[6:44] And she's very cool, right?

[6:46] Like, she's super cool.

[6:47] She's very cool.

[6:48] She has this new album coming up.

Elliott Kalan

[6:49] A big theme of the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[6:50] Is how cool she is.

[6:51] Yeah.

[6:51] And she has his movie coming, or her next album's coming out, that has only one featured performer, and it's fucking David Cronenberg, which is really cool.

Dan McCoy

[7:01] Yeah, I mean, like, the impression I get is, like, I think that she seems to be a cool person.

[7:07] The movie that was made, I'm like, okay, I guess you kind of needed to do this for your own, like, personal, like, therapy, maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[7:16] But Hallie, what are you, were you a fan of Charlie XCX before this film?

Hallie Haglund

[7:19] Yeah, I will say, I feel like I'm probably more familiar with her than the rest of the group.

Elliott Kalan

[7:28] Seems kind of like stereotyping, but yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[7:30] But I'm not the big, I mean, it's, I'm more, I'm, you know, I like her music, but I'm sort of more into her lore, her place in the canon of young pop stars.

[7:45] You know, she, her, her beefs, if you will, friendships.

Elliott Kalan

[7:51] What kind of beefs does she have, like?

[7:52] Taylor, obviously.

[7:54] Oh, never mind.

[7:54] Okay.

[7:55] That's not the kind of beefs I'm into.

[7:56] I'm into, like, you know, edible beefs.

[7:57] I mean, I have a beef with Taylor, too.

[7:59] Taylor Farms.

[8:00] Taylor Farms beef.

[8:02] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[8:05] Does she have a beef with Taylor?

Stuart Wellington

[8:05] My tummy is not, is all over the place.

Elliott Kalan

[8:08] Because I gotta say, that's the kind of beef that I wouldn't have taken a side in until Taylor Swift had her wedding at Madison Square Garden.

[8:14] And then I was like, you know what, I am on whoever's side is not on her side.

[8:18] That is okay.

[8:18] And she owes me money.

[8:19] I do.

[8:19] She owes me money.

[8:21] And she owes Stuart money.

[8:22] Because Stuart, I mean, to be fair, Stuart, if you go to a country where Taylor Swift is performing, when she's performing, she probably planned that show way ahead of time.

[8:30] It's not like she heard you were going.

[8:31] She didn't text my ass.

[8:34] Stuart, if you're going to Australia, you might want to know that I'm performing there.

[8:37] The hotel rates are going to be way higher.

[8:39] Exactly.

[8:40] Yes.

[8:40] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:41] I do think that if you're Taylor Swift, you know, there are certain realities about your life that maybe require a different type of venue for your wedding than us.

[8:55] She didn't pay between the money for us.

[8:57] Thanks, Madison Square Garden.

Hallie Haglund

[8:57] I don't understand your point, Dave.

Dan McCoy

[8:59] I'm just like the security that is going to need to be happening when like the largest pop star is getting married to you.

[9:07] Maybe it shouldn't be in the center of Manhattan.

Elliott Kalan

[9:09] Exactly.

[9:10] Yeah.

[9:11] Okay.

[9:11] I mean.

[9:12] For maximum inconvenience.

[9:13] You're right, Dan.

[9:14] That's the most secure place in the world is Madison Square Garden.

[9:17] It's the fucking Fort Knox of weddings.

[9:19] Yeah.

[9:19] That's where they take the president.

[9:21] When the president gets married, that's where it happens.

Stuart Wellington

[9:23] Crap two is going to take place there during a celebrity wedding.

Dan McCoy

[9:26] Yeah, yeah.

[9:26] My summary just – there's a lot more insults towards all of you that just appear.

[9:31] Wow.

[9:32] Oh, wow.

[9:32] Interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[9:33] So Dan's using AI to write his summaries.

[9:35] All right.

[9:35] Now we get it.

[9:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[9:37] I just blocked someone who literally just reposted an AI thing.

[9:43] I'm like, nope.

[9:43] I don't need to see it on my timeline.

[9:46] Okay.

[9:47] Let's talk about the movie.

[9:49] It's 2024.

[9:51] It's Brett.

[9:52] It's Brett Summer, guys.

[9:53] It's Brett Summer.

[9:54] It's Brett Summer.

[9:57] What does that mean?

[9:58] I'm not clear.

[9:59] I never was clear.

[10:00] I don't know.

[10:00] But it's happening.

[10:01] I remember –

[10:02] And Charlie XCX is writing high.

Elliott Kalan

[10:03] Now here's the – again, here's the thing.

[10:05] Here's why I would prefer Charlie XCX to Taylor Swift.

[10:08] Just one more reason is that when it was Brett Summer, I vaguely knew Brett Summer was happening.

[10:14] It didn't really impact my life.

[10:15] It was just a thing that was going on.

[10:16] When Taylor Swift is getting married, I've got to hear about it all the time.

[10:19] And all I can think is I cannot handle how fucking annoying it's going to be when she has a baby and suddenly I'm going to have to hear about her baby all the time.

[10:28] Whereas Brett Summer, you know what?

[10:30] It was just happening.

[10:31] I didn't need to know about it.

[10:32] You're right.

Dan McCoy

[10:32] Those are two equivalent things.

[10:34] Well, that baby is going to be a brat.

Stuart Wellington

[10:36] All the faults about how much coverage it got.

[10:39] And all the cocaine you were doing just kind of made it fly by anyway.

[10:43] Exactly.

[10:43] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[10:44] Got to get into the moment.

[10:45] But guys, you know, Brett Summer inevitably ends and it's bratless fall.

[10:50] What do you do?

[10:51] What happens?

[10:52] The label wants Charlie and her team to extend the whole Brett Summer moment.

[10:56] Right.

Hallie Haglund

[10:56] It never ended.

[10:57] That's the thing.

[10:58] It's how to keep it from ending.

Dan McCoy

[11:01] Brett Summer has to become the Brett year.

[11:02] Hallie, tell me, what are Brett Summer?

[11:06] Tell me, explain.

Hallie Haglund

[11:07] It's just a feeling.

[11:09] If you don't know, I don't know if I can tell you.

[11:12] Okay.

[11:14] Convenient.

Elliott Kalan

[11:15] It's like Louis Armstrong said, if you have to ask about Brett Summer, you'll never know.

Dan McCoy

[11:19] Just the sort of answer you love to get on a podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[11:21] Now, my understanding as a 44-year-old man is that-

[11:24] I don't really know.

[11:25] Is that Charlie, like the idea of the Brett Summer, my understanding of it, which could be wrong,

[11:32] was there's the idea of like a kind of joyful, deliberate being bad in a non-hurtful way to others.

[11:39] Like you're kind of like you're bad, your behavior is bad, but you know what?

[11:42] It's kind of fun and you're not a Trump.

[11:46] You're not like Stephen Miller.

Dan McCoy

[11:48] Oh, so that's why Kamala was Brett.

[11:50] Hurting people.

[11:50] Exactly.

[11:51] Because her shenanigans, all of her hilarious shenanigans didn't hurt.

[11:55] They didn't hurt anyone because she never attained political power.

Stuart Wellington

[11:58] I mean, I think the whole thing is like it's kind of explained in the movie in the way that she put out this album that had a certain attitude

[12:05] and then like everybody fucking glommed onto it and they're like, ah, it's Brett Summer, blah, blah, blah.

Dan McCoy

[12:10] Kamala's Brett.

Stuart Wellington

[12:12] Mario from the Mario Brothers is Brett, even though Luigi's the green one.

[12:15] And you're like, that doesn't make any fucking sense.

[12:17] And Wario's clearly the Brett.

Elliott Kalan

[12:19] We all know Wario's the Brett.

[12:20] Yeah, yeah.

[12:21] Waluigi, I guess, because he's the green one.

[12:23] But here's the thing.

[12:24] Actually, you know what?

[12:25] Now I'm on Taylor Swift's side because I forgot that Brett Summer really overshadowed Brat Summer,

[12:31] the seasonal celebration of tube meat.

Dan McCoy

[12:36] Well, I mean, that usually happens in October.

[12:38] Yeah, I was going to say.

[12:39] So the fact that it was in the summer was kind of overstepping it.

[12:41] I know.

Elliott Kalan

[12:41] They were trying something new and then Brat Summer came and stole its thunder.

Hallie Haglund

[12:45] It was trying to respect Brat Fall.

Elliott Kalan

[12:51] Brat Fall, the movie where the giant brat is crashing into the earth.

Stuart Wellington

[12:56] No, it's named after the halfway house that young James Bond was raised in.

Elliott Kalan

[13:00] That's right, Brat Fall.

[13:01] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[13:02] Because he was raised by a butcher.

Stuart Wellington

[13:05] But yeah, the label once.

[13:07] The halfway house?

Elliott Kalan

[13:08] Wasn't he like his family's estate?

Dan McCoy

[13:10] Yeah, we'll not.

[13:11] I thought Stavall was like his family's estate.

[13:13] I thought it was like an orphanage or something.

Stuart Wellington

[13:15] Maybe I wasn't paying attention to that movie.

[13:17] No, no.

[13:17] That's all right.

Dan McCoy

[13:18] He's like vaguely aristocratic in some way.

Elliott Kalan

[13:23] To be honest, I don't like the idea of James Bond having an aristocratic background.

Dan McCoy

[13:27] I like the idea of him being someone who's constructed this character.

[13:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:31] Anyway, much like Charlie XCX has had to construct this character of the brat.

Dan McCoy

[13:36] That's right.

[13:36] And the label wants that to continue forever.

[13:39] Because money.

Elliott Kalan

[13:40] They just see her as a source of money that you can get through being a brat forever.

[13:44] Yeah, like Dennis the Menace raking in the dough by being a brat.

[13:47] Mm-hmm.

[13:48] How does Mr. Wilson feel about Charlie XCX?

[13:52] Is that a problem?

[13:53] She's always ruining his prize begonias.

[13:56] Mm-hmm.

[13:58] She finds this cringe.

Dan McCoy

[14:01] And her closest team agree, but they want money too.

[14:07] But she's about to do a big arena tour.

[14:10] The main label big wig, that's Tammy played by Rosanna Arquette, as we mentioned.

[14:15] Great to see her.

[14:17] One of Charlie's team is Tim.

[14:18] He's played by Jamie Dimitrio.

Hallie Haglund

[14:21] Can I ask something about Rosanna Arquette?

Dan McCoy

[14:24] Yes, the song Rosanna was about her.

[14:27] Yeah, yes, yes.

[14:28] Not quite a year since she went away.

Hallie Haglund

[14:32] How is she related to the rest of the Arquette?

Elliott Kalan

[14:34] She's sisters with Patricia Arquette, right?

Hallie Haglund

[14:35] Yeah.

[14:36] Is she also sisters with David Arquette then?

[14:38] Are they all three siblings?

[14:39] I think so, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[14:40] Okay.

[14:41] I don't know if they're siblings.

[14:43] And they're all the children of Fritz Weaver, right?

[14:46] David.

[14:47] Fritz Lieber?

[14:48] No, not Fritz Lieber, the author of The Fuffer and the Grey Mouser Stories.

[14:51] Loving them.

[14:52] Loving them so far.

Elliott Kalan

[14:53] You've been reading.

[14:53] I'm reading some of those too right now.

[14:56] No, you're right.

Dan McCoy

[14:57] Rosanna Arquette's sister, Patricia Arquette's sister, Alexis Arquette's sister.

[15:02] Who's Alexis?

[15:02] He had David's hot links, so he just went right there.

Elliott Kalan

[15:06] Cliff Arquette, grandfather, Zoe Blue Meese.

[15:08] Oh, that's right.

[15:09] So their grandfather is Cliff Arquette, who performed as Fritz Weaver.

[15:11] Yeah, yeah.

[15:12] Not Fritz Lieber, author of Coming of Tracks.

[15:13] Where is David Arquette?

[15:14] Yeah.

[15:15] Where is he?

Dan McCoy

[15:16] Who is he?

[15:16] We need to know.

[15:18] Because the man is all in danger.

Elliott Kalan

[15:20] How does he fit in?

[15:22] He's the brother?

[15:23] He's the sibling.

[15:24] He's the sibling.

[15:24] Okay.

[15:25] I mean, he fits in mainly by doing phone service commercials nowadays.

[15:28] What a family.

[15:29] Can you imagine?

[15:31] Powerhouses.

[15:32] I know.

[15:32] Hollywood royalty, the Arquettes, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[15:36] As I was saying, I was glad to see Jamie Dimitrio until I realized that he was not going

[15:41] to be given much funny to either.

[15:43] I feel like he...

[15:43] Don't know who that is.

[15:44] Who is that?

Stuart Wellington

[15:45] So he's the guy who plays her manager.

[15:47] Or business manager.

[15:49] Oh, I liked him.

[15:50] Yeah, he's known for being...

[15:51] He had a show, Staff Let's Flats.

[15:53] And he's been in a bunch of other things.

[15:55] They say Mr. B.

[15:55] No, he wasn't Mr. B's.

[15:56] No.

[15:57] He definitely brings a improv competency that this role needed.

[16:03] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:03] But he's kind of just...

[16:04] They don't give...

[16:05] He's mostly doing what I would call Veep Lite.

[16:07] Yeah.

[16:07] Where it's like, he's incompetent in what he's doing.

[16:10] He's trying to cover himself up.

[16:11] But he's not...

[16:12] They don't give him actual situations to be in.

Hallie Haglund

[16:14] Cover himself up with a lovely windbreaker.

Stuart Wellington

[16:17] That's true.

[16:19] But it also...

[16:19] There is something funny about the idea of this guy who is clearly not cool, who is the business

[16:26] manager for somebody who is cool.

[16:29] And he's...

[16:29] She's looking to him...

[16:30] Like, you know, later on, she ends up looking to him for artistic advice.

[16:34] And it's clearly the worst person to ask.

Dan McCoy

[16:37] Yes.

[16:38] The label is pushing a lot of brand deals, including a brat credit card from Howard Sterling,

[16:43] a failing bank company.

[16:46] Charlie is, like, clearly overwhelmed by the sudden mega fame that she's experiencing.

[16:51] And she's exhausted.

[16:53] And early on, she has this opportunity for a free abusive vacation.

[16:56] Wait, wait, hold on.

[16:57] Sorry.

Hallie Haglund

[16:57] Can I say something?

[16:58] Yeah.

[16:58] Yeah, yeah.

[16:59] Because that was a funny moment.

[17:01] The brat credit card is a queer credit card.

[17:05] Yeah, it's for gay people.

[17:05] She asked, she's like, well, how are they gonna...

[17:08] Do they have to, like, prove that they're gay?

[17:10] I thought that was a funny moment.

Elliott Kalan

[17:12] I laughed at that.

[17:12] That was a funny interaction.

[17:13] Yeah, I like that.

[17:13] That was something they could have done more with.

[17:15] The idea of, if they were looking to do a comedy movie, is the idea of a credit card

[17:20] that is specifically trying to cash in on the queer youth demographic that Charlie has

[17:27] as a fan base.

[17:27] And how do you do that?

[17:28] And what does that mean?

[17:29] But they're not really that...

[17:31] It's not really about that.

[17:32] Like, the movie is about what it's like to be famous, be torn in a bunch of different directions.

Hallie Haglund

[17:35] But I did think that that moment was funny.

[17:38] It was funny.

Elliott Kalan

[17:38] Sure.

[17:39] Yeah, yeah.

[17:39] Did you laugh?

[17:40] I don't know that I laughed, but I gave it...

Hallie Haglund

[17:42] It's a mockumentary.

[17:43] It's not a laughumentary.

[17:44] It's a mock.

[17:45] It's a little bit less.

[17:47] I guess I gave it a wry smile.

Dan McCoy

[17:49] Yeah.

[17:49] I don't want to, like, get too much into my feelings, like, overall before we get to the

[17:55] end.

Dan McCoy

[17:55] Dan, we need to start getting into your feelings.

[17:57] Come on.

[17:59] But I felt like...

[18:00] I was like, this is gesturing at a premise that could be funny without, like, taking full

[18:08] advantage of it.

[18:09] And that's my problem with, like, a lot of the movie is, like, I don't think it ever pushes

[18:12] anything far enough to actually find laughs.

[18:17] Like, I can see, like, okay, well, this is the beginning of a comic idea that then it doesn't,

[18:21] like, heighten, really.

Hallie Haglund

[18:22] All right.

[18:23] So what would you do?

[18:24] How would you heighten it?

Elliott Kalan

[18:25] Yeah, yeah.

[18:26] Put Dan on the spot.

[18:26] He loves this.

[18:27] Oh, punch-up house.

Hallie Haglund

[18:30] The fix house.

[18:30] Show me.

[18:31] Show me.

[18:31] Make it gayer.

Dan McCoy

[18:33] Make it gayer.

[18:34] It is, like, such a short scene.

[18:37] Like, I would just explore the idea more.

[18:40] How would you explore it?

[18:41] Okay.

[18:42] I'm not on trial here, counselor.

[18:47] This whole podcast's on trial.

Stuart Wellington

[18:50] And a lot of this, up until this point, a lot of it is we are, like, getting brief introductions

[18:54] to the various characters that surround her and make up her life.

[18:58] And very few of them are that heightened.

[19:00] I mean, when, like, Kate Berlant shows up, you're like, okay, at least she's doing, like,

[19:03] a thing.

[19:04] She's like, I'm not saying she's, this is her best work ever, Dan.

[19:08] But I'm saying that at least, like, this is a comedic actor who is making choices and

[19:13] is clearly, like, trying.

[19:15] I mean, this feels like stuff that's inspired by Charlie XCX's actual life.

[19:19] But on some level, it's also like, I don't care, like, that you met this person that's

[19:25] annoying.

Dan McCoy

[19:25] Like, I don't know.

[19:27] That was my vibe with it, though.

[19:29] Like, I'm like, okay, this is, like, it's, like, too inspired by her life, even though

[19:34] it's fictionalized, because I don't think it's going the extra mile of being like, okay,

[19:39] let's make it more than, like, a story I might tell.

[19:43] Like, what is interesting about it to the world, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[19:47] It's partly that it's not quite exaggerated enough to be a mockumentary.

[19:53] But you know what?

[19:55] We'll find out.

[19:55] Maybe that's okay.

Stuart Wellington

[19:56] Like, if they're going to cast a cab driver, throw Eugene Levy in there.

[19:59] He'd be great.

Elliott Kalan

[20:02] Yeah, that's what it needed was more cameos.

Dan McCoy

[20:04] It needed more cameos.

[20:06] I mean, those were the things I enjoyed when, like, people, I'm like, hey, I know who that

[20:11] is.

[20:11] Like, that gave me some pleasure.

Elliott Kalan

[20:12] There was one, there was another pop star who shows up, and I was like, I am not sure

[20:16] if this is a real person or a character.

[20:18] Like, I guess it's a real person, but there's, I don't remember her name or who it was.

[20:22] It was just not the girl who shows up, not the lady.

Hallie Haglund

[20:24] Which, at which part?

Elliott Kalan

[20:25] They're, like, in a bathroom.

[20:27] Rachel Sennett?

[20:27] Are you talking about, yeah, Rachel Sennett?

[20:29] She's an actress.

[20:30] Yeah.

[20:30] Okay, I didn't know her at all.

[20:31] She's the creator of I Love L.A.

[20:33] Oh, I haven't seen I Love L.A.

[20:35] Star of Shiva Baby?

[20:36] I haven't seen Shiva Baby.

[20:39] I don't watch Jewish stuff.

[20:40] I'm not into it.

[20:41] Yeah.

[20:42] She's very funny.

[20:43] Well, don't worry, she's not Jewish.

[20:44] I feel like there was a, in a mockumentary that involves famous people, they do one of

[20:49] two things.

[20:49] They either present themselves as the much worse version of themselves, and it's like,

[20:55] ha ha, can you believe this?

[20:56] I'd never be like that.

[20:57] Or they just are themselves, and they just hang around, and it is, they don't really do

[21:02] much of anything.

[21:03] And I feel like this movie can never quite be totally sure which direction it's going

[21:07] in with the people who are in it.

Stuart Wellington

[21:09] But I thought Rachel Sennett was funny when she showed up.

[21:12] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[21:13] She wasn't supposed to be, she was supposed to be herself, right?

[21:17] Yeah.

[21:18] Yeah, okay.

Dan McCoy

[21:18] But she was like the one that I felt was closest to doing like a heightened thing.

[21:25] Like she, I mean like clearly she's like.

[21:26] And Scar's car.

[21:27] Really, yeah.

[21:28] But he's playing a character.

[21:29] He's not playing himself.

[21:30] Yeah.

[21:30] But she's like really happy to be like, yeah, I'll do like the unpleasant version of myself.

Elliott Kalan

[21:34] But it wasn't, like it could have been much more unpleasant.

[21:37] Like she didn't seem that bad, you know, or that like, it wasn't the same as Patrick

[21:43] Stewart on Extra is telling this, pitching the story about how he wants to make a movie

[21:47] where he just uses his mental powers to make when he's closed from the wall.

[21:50] It's too late.

[21:50] He's already seen everything.

[21:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[21:53] Hallie's mulling it over.

Hallie Haglund

[21:55] Well, it's just kind of weird because I feel like this is getting very meta because Rachel

[22:01] Sennett's show is basically her playing a version of herself that's heightened.

[22:06] And so now she's coming on as that person who created that show and supposed to be more

[22:13] heightened than that version.

Elliott Kalan

[22:15] Maybe she's playing the character from the show in this movie.

[22:18] Maybe.

Dan McCoy

[22:19] Could be crossover.

[22:22] Anyway, at this point, we've talked about him a lot.

[22:24] Is she related to Mac Sennett?

[22:26] Is she a Nepo great grandbaby?

[22:28] They're spelled differently.

[22:29] Oh, they're probably not.

[22:31] We meet, is she related to the Senate, the political body, the government body?

Elliott Kalan

[22:37] The ultimate Nepo baby, yeah.

[22:39] I've got a hundred parents from all over the country.

Hallie Haglund

[22:43] We meet Johannes.

[22:44] My dad's has said it.

[22:45] My mom's has said it.

Dan McCoy

[22:47] And I'm Rachel.

[22:49] And I'm Rachel.

[22:52] Can we workshop this title?

[22:55] It's accurate.

[22:55] There's a lot of stuff going on here.

[23:02] Anyway, I don't even know whether that – does the audience understand what we're making?

Elliott Kalan

[23:08] So the audience, if they're not aware, there was a one-man show at one point that was running

[23:12] in New York called, was it My Dad's Jewish, My Mom's Italian, and I'm in therapy or something

[23:16] like that.

[23:17] And that same guy then did a later one-man show that was called Blood Type Marinara.

Dan McCoy

[23:23] See, that sounds like a weird thriller to me.

[23:26] Blood Type Marinara.

[23:27] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:28] The Italian restaurant we ran out of tomato sauce.

[23:30] We have to use blood.

[23:32] There is a blood shortage right now.

[23:34] Italian-American though.

[23:34] There is a blood shortage right now.

[23:35] We should be donating blood right now instead of talking about the moment.

[23:39] We're bringing awareness.

[23:39] But it's the moment.

[23:40] We are bringing awareness.

[23:41] If you can donate blood, please.

[23:43] To donate blood.

[23:43] Go donate blood.

[23:47] Don't wait another moment.

[23:48] But don't do it the amateur way where you just poke a hole in your arm, pour it in a

[23:52] bottle, and then mail it to the Red Cross.

[23:53] That's not helpful.

[23:54] And just throw that blood out the window at the new place.

[23:56] And say, whoever needs it.

Hallie Haglund

[23:58] Don't tie it onto a bird because they won't get there.

[24:01] Don't just leave it on the doorstep.

Elliott Kalan

[24:03] No.

[24:04] That pigeon is not going to bring that blood.

[24:07] Don't just leave it in a can or a tomato jar on your doorstep and say, free blood.

[24:12] Take it.

Dan McCoy

[24:13] Don't give it to a strange Transylvanian man with sharp teeth.

[24:16] He's just going to drink it.

[24:17] It's not going to get where it's going.

[24:18] Just going to drink it.

Stuart Wellington

[24:18] And don't leave it just on the street corner because he'll get mixed up with all the piss

[24:23] bottles that the cabbies leave.

[24:25] Exactly.

[24:25] And somebody's going to be like, that needs to go to his urologist.

Elliott Kalan

[24:28] And if you are going to mail it, don't just put it in an envelope.

Stuart Wellington

[24:32] It's just going to soak right through.

[24:33] Yeah.

[24:33] I think I got to credit my wife with that joke because she makes that joke every time we

[24:37] pass a piss bottle.

[24:38] That is the rosy shade.

Dan McCoy

[24:42] Yeah.

[24:42] They're very health conscious.

[24:45] Whoever left that there.

[24:46] Yeah.

[24:46] They want to get tested.

[24:47] Yeah.

[24:48] Okay.

[24:49] We've talked about him before.

[24:50] This is when Johannes Godwin, played by Alexander Skarsgård, enters the picture.

[24:56] He is the potential.

Elliott Kalan

[24:57] Guard against your scars.

[24:58] Get the scars guard.

Dan McCoy

[25:00] He's the potential director for a concert film of her tour.

[25:03] She just wants someone to document the show because she's got the creative side sorted with

[25:07] her friend Celeste.

[25:09] But he thinks of himself more as an auteur.

[25:11] Wants more control.

[25:12] And also we learned that Charlie doesn't like him because of his previous sexist work that

[25:18] she's seen.

Elliott Kalan

[25:19] And his work is not cool, according to her.

[25:22] But all the people at the label are like, oh, he's the best.

[25:25] He's the best.

[25:26] We got to have him.

[25:26] He's amazing.

Stuart Wellington

[25:28] And he does wear shirts with like really open collars and a lot of like beaded jewelry.

Elliott Kalan

[25:34] Yeah, wooden beads.

[25:35] He's one of these guys who presents himself as a kind of like calm, hey, let's all collaborate,

[25:41] let's hear each other out type guy.

[25:43] But really he is a dominating tyrant beneath that.

[25:45] Monster, yeah.

[25:46] Who has a very specific idea of kind of fake brat, you could say, like faux rebellion that

[25:52] like that is not the real rebellion that Charlie is putting out there.

[25:56] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[25:57] You know what's interesting about he always he always comes off as sinister.

[26:02] Like, can you think of any role he's that?

[26:04] Like, it's it's just interesting.

[26:06] He's so handsome.

[26:07] Now I got to look it up.

Stuart Wellington

[26:09] Yeah.

[26:09] I mean, even in movies that I love him in, he is sinister.

[26:12] Yeah, of course.

[26:13] He has a sinister effect.

Dan McCoy

[26:15] I mean, I guess the point of murder.

[26:17] I'm like his brother who looks like a normal monster.

Stuart Wellington

[26:20] I think the point, I guess part of the point.

[26:22] Wait, who's his brother?

Elliott Kalan

[26:22] I know his dad.

Stuart Wellington

[26:23] Bill Skarsgård played Pennywise.

[26:26] Mm-hmm.

[26:26] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[26:27] And Nosferatu, right?

Dan McCoy

[26:29] And Nosferatu.

[26:30] Yeah.

[26:31] I guess part of the thing in Murderbot is where.

[26:33] I mean, I didn't see Nosferatu once.

[26:34] The third time I tried to do this sentence, I'm just going to give up on it because.

[26:38] No, no, Dan, tell us.

Elliott Kalan

[26:39] Tell us something about Alexander Skarsgård.

Dan McCoy

[26:41] No, I mean like in Murderbot, like he is like likable.

[26:44] But that's only because we know inside his head, everyone around him thinks he's sinister.

[26:48] And he's a murderbot.

[26:49] Yeah.

[26:50] Yeah.

[26:50] Well, that's, it's just a fun name he gave himself.

Elliott Kalan

[26:53] I mean, there's a robot that kills people.

Dan McCoy

[26:56] I mean, he's a security robot.

[26:57] He's doing it for the benefit of the.

[26:59] Now he's being naive, Dan.

[27:00] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[27:02] He's like property over people.

[27:05] Yeah, that's exactly what I mean.

[27:06] Classic Dan sentiment.

Hallie Haglund

[27:07] I mean, he was raised by a priest who made a nymphomaniac try to have sex with him.

[27:14] Anyone nymphomaniac?

[27:16] You gonna see that movie?

[27:18] It's a long movie.

Dan McCoy

[27:23] I think I watched part one and I'm like, well, that's it.

[27:26] I've already, I've already blasted.

[27:28] I don't need to watch part two.

Hallie Haglund

[27:28] So then you never saw the part where he tried to make her have sex with him and she killed him.

Elliott Kalan

[27:34] Maybe we should edit that out.

[27:35] Uh-oh.

[27:35] Yeah, let's edit out the spoilers for nymphomaniac.

[27:39] Around now.

[27:40] I was just about to watch it.

Dan McCoy

[27:42] This is when Kate Berlant shows up as her makeup artist.

[27:46] I was happy to see her, but again, I didn't, like, what did she do that you guys were?

[27:49] No, they don't really give her much to do.

Elliott Kalan

[27:50] She's just kind of hovering around the edges and throwing in gags every now and then, you know.

Dan McCoy

[27:55] And here's.

Elliott Kalan

[27:57] I will say this.

[27:58] It's true that her performance is, it's a heightened version of a makeup artist,

[28:02] but it's a de-heightened version of what Kate Berlant usually does.

[28:06] Yeah.

[28:06] So it's like everything is kind of a little bit calmer and less exaggerated than you think it's going to be.

Hallie Haglund

[28:11] Do you think it, what do you think the hierarchy was between, like, you get to play yourself.

[28:20] Uh-huh.

[28:20] You have to play a character.

Elliott Kalan

[28:21] I wonder that often.

[28:22] I wonder that often in those types of things.

[28:24] Like, how it feels to be like, I guess I'm not famous enough to play myself in this thing.

[28:30] Or is it better?

[28:31] You know what?

[28:31] I don't have to figure out what myself is in this.

[28:34] And via cameo, I have a real role.

[28:36] I'm playing a real character.

[28:37] Yeah.

[28:38] Who am I?

Dan McCoy

[28:38] I've tried to figure that out in therapy for so long.

[28:40] And now I'm expected to do it for a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[28:42] Maybe this movie isn't the place for me to figure out my true identity.

[28:46] They'll never guess my secret identity.

Dan McCoy

[28:49] This is actually, like, this is where we get more into the credit card, actually.

[28:53] We get the queer demographic stuff.

[28:54] Oh, thank goodness.

[28:55] But also we learn.

[28:56] We learn this is important that if you sign up for this card, you'll get tickets to Charlie's concert.

[29:02] But she's dubious about promoting a credit card.

[29:05] You know, it doesn't feel like this.

[29:07] For good reason.

[29:07] It's not very brat.

[29:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:08] Yeah.

[29:09] It ain't brat.

[29:10] A brat would steal things.

[29:11] A brat wouldn't, you know, start an account so that you can then pay things off over time.

Hallie Haglund

[29:16] A brat might rack up a lot of credit card debt and then never pay it.

Elliott Kalan

[29:20] Oh, great business model for a brat.

[29:22] Not a great business model for a credit card, as we'll find.

Hallie Haglund

[29:25] This isn't a great bank.

[29:26] No, it's not.

Elliott Kalan

[29:27] How did Brat Summer...

Stuart Wellington

[29:28] Unlike all those great banks out there.

Dan McCoy

[29:30] This is just one of the good ones, you know.

[29:32] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:33] Now, the Brats...

[29:34] Carlton Banks.

Dan McCoy

[29:35] The movie Brats.

Elliott Kalan

[29:39] The Banks of the Suwannee River.

[29:40] Yeah, Dan, what?

Dan McCoy

[29:41] How do you think they fared during Brat Summer?

[29:43] Who?

[29:44] The Brats.

[29:45] I think they were very busy.

Elliott Kalan

[29:46] Yeah, yeah.

[29:47] I think they were annoyed that someone was taking their style, but they were busy doing Brat

[29:51] stuff.

Hallie Haglund

[29:51] They've been doing this for a certain amount of time.

[29:54] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[29:55] So even though they're getting booked for more events, there's a part of them where they make

[29:59] these passive-aggressive comments like, oh, for me, it's always Brat Summer.

[30:03] Yeah.

[30:03] It's all played.

Elliott Kalan

[30:04] Oh, see, I mean, it was Brat year for us for a long time.

[30:07] Does she have Bratitude?

[30:08] I'm not really sure, you know.

Dan McCoy

[30:10] You've got a summer.

[30:11] We're Brat four seasons long.

[30:13] Mm-hmm.

[30:14] Okay.

[30:15] Well, the whole, I have a note here is just saying that a lot of the movie is just her

[30:19] having vaguely annoying interactions where she has to sort of endure microaggressions

[30:24] from people who, like there's a driver who looks her up, doesn't know who she is, looks

[30:29] up a video, like, oh, you look way different here or whatever.

[30:33] There's a lot of that that I'm sure is drawn from life, but I'm not going to get into every

[30:38] little thing that happens.

Elliott Kalan

[30:40] Sure, well, it's not like you're on summary patrol or anything.

Dan McCoy

[30:42] I mean, I'm doing the best I can, Elliot.

[30:45] I'm doing what I can.

Elliott Kalan

[30:46] You're just as God made you, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:47] Yeah.

[30:48] Yeah, this is where Rachel Sennett shows up, doesn't do much.

Elliott Kalan

[30:52] They do drugs in the bathroom.

[30:54] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:55] Tour rehearsals start.

[30:57] Johannes is there with his silence.

Hallie Haglund

[30:58] Wait, can I, but because we haven't mentioned her appearances on Colbert.

[31:02] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[31:02] There's a lot of her on Colbert in this movie.

Hallie Haglund

[31:04] Yeah, he's like one of the main characters.

Stuart Wellington

[31:06] This feels like this was shot for the movie.

[31:08] This wasn't an actual.

Elliott Kalan

[31:09] There's certainly monologue jokes later that he tells about fictional events from the

[31:13] movie, and so that was certainly shot for the movie.

[31:16] It would have really confused the audience.

Stuart Wellington

[31:17] Where he leaned on more of like a Jay Leno, like, role.

Elliott Kalan

[31:21] Because he keeps saying, did you see this?

[31:22] Did you hear about this?

[31:23] Did you see this?

[31:23] I'm like, Stephen's voice doesn't sound like that.

[31:24] Yeah, and he's fucking chomping on Doritos.

[31:25] Do you think that Jay Leno's like.

[31:27] Why is he showing funny headlines?

[31:28] I don't understand.

Dan McCoy

[31:29] Do you think Jay Leno's like, I can still do this, guys.

[31:32] I know I'm not on television anymore, but if you want me to do some monologue jokes

[31:35] about something.

Elliott Kalan

[31:36] I'm sure they came to ask him to do it, and he could not hear them over the sound of the engine.

[31:39] He was revving in his antique car.

[31:41] Yeah.

[31:41] So he was like, what?

[31:42] I can't hear you.

[31:43] Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.

Hallie Haglund

[31:45] Wait, do you guys remember when John did that for that movie about like the gopher puppet

[31:50] that was running for president?

Elliott Kalan

[31:51] He did it a couple.

[31:52] There was the one he did for The Beaver.

[31:54] The Beaver.

[31:54] The movie that Jodie Foster directed.

[31:56] Yeah.

[31:56] And there's one he did for Man of Steel, which I wrote that bit.

[32:00] And what they told us the movie was about was not what the movie turned out to be about.

[32:05] So that scene was in the-

[32:07] Man of Steel?

[32:07] Yeah, yeah.

[32:08] The Superman movie.

[32:08] The Superman movie?

[32:09] Okay.

[32:09] It didn't end up in the finished movie, but it was on the DVD.

[32:11] Because I remember someone being like, there's this thing on the DVD where Jon Stewart's

[32:14] making these jokes about Superman saying he's not American, but that doesn't happen in

[32:17] the movie.

[32:17] It's like, well, that's what they told us was going to happen in the movie when they

[32:20] told us to write these jokes about Superman.

[32:22] But yeah, Jon did that a couple times.

[32:24] And so it's Steven's turn to do it this time.

Hallie Haglund

[32:27] Well, but I bring it up because I felt like this, her moment on Colbert-

[32:33] The moment?

[32:35] Illuminated to me that she's not a very good actress, which is kind of weird that she's

[32:41] in so many movies right now because she's not a very good actress.

Dan McCoy

[32:45] I haven't seen this Greg Araki movie, but I hear good things about her performance in

[32:50] that.

Hallie Haglund

[32:51] Is this the one where she doesn't like her boyfriend and then she gets into a girl or

[32:56] something?

[32:56] Is that one?

Stuart Wellington

[32:57] That's a different one.

[32:57] That's Eruption or whatever.

[32:59] Oh, okay.

[33:00] Oh, and then Vesuvius Erupts.

[33:01] Yeah, yeah.

[33:02] Yeah, you're talking about I Want Your Sex, the new Greg Araki.

[33:05] I am talking about I Want Your Sex.

[33:07] Yeah.

[33:07] She was also in Faces of Death.

[33:10] Oh, was she?

[33:11] I saw that.

[33:12] Yeah, she's like the co-worker.

[33:13] Yeah, she was one of the faces.

Hallie Haglund

[33:14] Oh.

[33:15] Hey.

[33:16] What?

[33:16] It's not okay.

Dan McCoy

[33:20] How is she taking offense about?

[33:21] I'm like, I'm not even sure what you're taking offense at.

[33:23] Okay, she was death.

Elliott Kalan

[33:24] There's only two things in that title I can make a joke off of.

[33:28] I think in, I don't know, because I think when she's in the Colbert sections, it's like

[33:33] she's playing someone who is uncomfortable in that situation.

Hallie Haglund

[33:37] She's not doing it very well.

Elliott Kalan

[33:38] I guess.

[33:39] That's how uncomfortable she is.

Hallie Haglund

[33:40] This is what she does.

[33:41] She's like, well, I just, I don't know.

[33:51] I mean, you nailed her accent.

Dan McCoy

[33:52] You nailed her accent.

[33:53] It was one of those things where when they're showing.

[33:55] I hope Alex clips that part, because there's a lot of face acting that I don't think translates

[33:59] to.

[33:59] I want to see more.

Elliott Kalan

[34:00] Hallie, can you do more of your impression of Charlie XCX's impression of herself?

Hallie Haglund

[34:05] Oh, Steven.

[34:10] I'm not your puppet.

[34:12] I'm not your monkey.

[34:12] I'm just showing you.

Dan McCoy

[34:14] That's what I should have said earlier.

[34:15] Yeah, yeah.

[34:16] To you, Hallie.

Stuart Wellington

[34:18] But there's something about her hesitancy in answering his question where I'm like, they

[34:23] probably would have just clipped this.

[34:24] They wouldn't have put this in the episode, because it's not good.

[34:26] No, probably not.

Elliott Kalan

[34:28] Well, maybe we're watching the outtakes.

[34:29] Yeah, yeah.

[34:30] It's not like we don't show someone flip-turned on the TV.

[34:33] Oh, Charlie's on the Colbert.

[34:34] Oh, no, no.

[34:35] Oh, no, no.

[34:36] It's on the late show tonight.

[34:38] I'll take a look.

[34:38] As a cockney chimney sweep, I love nothing more than Charlie XCX, I do.

[34:43] Well, after I spend a rough day sweeping out the chimps of London, I just like to go home

[34:49] and watch a little bit of Colbert on the old telly.

[34:52] He really sucks it, too.

[34:53] Oh, local girl Charlie 1010 is going to be on the show.

[34:58] I guess I'll watch it.

[35:00] Then we see the scene.

[35:02] Oh, this seems right not comfortable on the couch.

Stuart Wellington

[35:06] Yeah.

[35:08] I'm surprised.

[35:08] Drink a pint of bitter and slopping down some baked beans or whatever they need over there.

Elliott Kalan

[35:14] If I can't do it through till the second desk bit, then I'll probably turn it off and get some rest because I've got to be up early so I can sweep through those chimps and clean off the skies of London because everything I clean out of that chimney isn't going to end up in the air above me.

[35:28] I feel like I'm making the heavens clean with my work.

[35:33] Wow.

[35:34] I'm doing God's work.

[35:35] I am in these chimps.

Dan McCoy

[35:37] Wow.

[35:37] I'm constantly amazed by how many British fans we have considering.

[35:41] Considering we're basically committing hate crimes against them all the time.

Elliott Kalan

[35:45] I want to watch a movie about that guy.

[35:47] Yeah.

[35:48] I've got to do our care.

[35:49] The queen's up there and I want it to be clean for her.

[35:52] I don't want smoke going up in mam's face up there as an angel.

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] Wow, a royalist.

[36:00] Okay.

[36:01] Are you kidding?

[36:02] They love the royals.

[36:04] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:04] The poorer you are often, the more you love the royalty above you because it makes it special, you know?

[36:10] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:11] Pardon me.

[36:12] So tour rehearsals start.

[36:14] Johannes is there with his assistant who never says anything and makes Charlie very flustered.

[36:20] He's irritating by being very, like, helpful in quotes.

[36:24] And I have to say, I found his character.

Elliott Kalan

[36:26] Intrusive.

[36:26] He's being very intrusive.

Dan McCoy

[36:27] Yeah.

[36:28] I found his character kind of confusing because he's set up as someone whose material over-sexualizes women.

[36:34] But then the first thing he is doing is like, we have to make this more family-friendly.

[36:37] Like, that's his thing.

Elliott Kalan

[36:38] It is very unclear.

[36:40] I agree that there's a lack of clarity and consistency in what this character is supposed to be trying to do to Charlie's show.

[36:46] Yeah.

[36:47] Because he keeps, he'll be like, we've got to make it more family-friendly.

[36:49] We can't have this and be offensive for kids.

[36:51] But then he's like, we need you to get inside a giant cigarette lighter and light an enormous cigarette.

Hallie Haglund

[36:55] No, he's just, this is all references to Taylor Swift.

[36:58] He's just, he's just trying to turn her concert into the era.

Elliott Kalan

[37:01] See, this is a layer of, this is a layer of meaning that I am not privy to.

[37:04] I needed the annotations for this movie.

[37:06] And I saw, like, I didn't get it.

[37:07] Is that why she's wearing that kind of spangly outfit?

[37:09] Yes.

[37:09] Oh, okay.

Hallie Haglund

[37:09] And the dancers, all the dancers, that's like actual dances that Taylor Swift's back rep dancers are.

Elliott Kalan

[37:15] And so the scene where she gets married and manages to go to the era's movie and I didn't.

[37:18] And inconveniences an entire city.

[37:20] That was based on Taylor Swift.

[37:22] Didn't even register.

[37:25] Anyway.

[37:25] What about the part where she dates Jake Gyllenhaal and then writes a song about it?

[37:29] That too.

[37:29] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[37:30] So, Charlie gets overwhelmed.

Elliott Kalan

[37:33] What about the part where she has a feud with Kanye West?

[37:36] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[37:37] Charlie gets overwhelmed.

[37:38] She decides to go to Ibiza after all.

[37:40] Back at rehearsals.

[37:42] Johanna and Celeste clash over.

Hallie Haglund

[37:44] Wait, you didn't mention that she was offered to go to Ibiza previously and said no.

[37:50] Because you just said after all, so I wanted to make sure.

Dan McCoy

[37:53] Yeah, yeah.

[37:53] Well, I did.

[37:54] Alex, go back and add that.

[37:56] No, I said it.

[37:57] I just was also.

[37:59] There's a lot of people.

Elliott Kalan

[38:00] You do it, but do it as Dan so that Alex can go back and add it.

[38:02] So be Dan saying.

[38:03] Okay.

[38:04] Alex, go find the part where I said it and loop it here.

Dan McCoy

[38:07] Yeah, yeah.

[38:08] Just so we can see that was a side effect of being talked over constantly.

Elliott Kalan

[38:12] She's offered a thing.

[38:14] Charlie XCX.

[38:15] In this part, she gets offered to go to Ibiza.

[38:21] No, that's pretty good.

[38:22] Yeah, that's pretty close.

[38:24] So when you see Charlie XCX, she gets a chance to go to Ibiza, but she don't go to it.

Dan McCoy

[38:29] That's what I sound like.

[38:30] Yeah, that's you.

[38:31] Yeah.

[38:32] That's a perfect.

[38:32] That's pitch perfect.

[38:34] Okay.

[38:34] That's what they sounded like in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[38:36] Pitch perfect.

[38:36] Yeah.

[38:38] We're just all compelling over here.

Dan McCoy

[38:41] Anyway, well, so she's like sort of an absentee pop star in charge, which allows Johannes to

[38:49] rest more control from Celeste while she's away.

[38:55] Johannes meets with Tammy from the label to like sort of fully take over the concert.

[38:59] Meanwhile, Charlie on vacation gets a holistic facial from a woman named Maria who tells her that she's totally closed in the heart and her skin has no elasticity and is telling her to slow down.

[39:12] And when Charlie sort of gently disagrees with what she's saying, Maria abruptly says she cannot treat her, but prescribes a bunch of expensive skin treatments.

[39:21] And when Charlie tries to pay for those treatments with her Brett credit card, it is ominously declined.

[39:28] Foreshadowing.

Elliott Kalan

[39:28] And she also runs into, what, a Kardashian?

[39:30] She runs into Kylie Jenner.

Dan McCoy

[39:32] That's the next one.

Hallie Haglund

[39:33] Hold on.

[39:33] Before we get to Kylie, isn't that woman who plays the esthetician, isn't she like someone famous?

[39:40] She seemed like it, but I didn't recognize her.

[39:42] I think she's like a Latin American soap opera actress or something.

[39:47] Oh, okay.

[39:47] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[39:48] I don't know that.

Hallie Haglund

[39:49] I might be wrong.

Dan McCoy

[39:50] Was that Juzha?

[39:52] Yeah, that's probably Juzha.

[39:54] No, she would never do that.

[39:55] She's got a heart as big in the world.

[39:59] Let's look it up.

[40:00] Let's look it up.

[40:00] Yeah, look it up.

[40:01] Look it up.

[40:01] Because it seems like a character that would be a...

[40:05] It's a perfect cameo.

[40:07] Cameo, but...

Elliott Kalan

[40:09] I mean, if there's a version of this where that part is Kate McKinnon, you know, which

[40:13] it obviously wasn't, but that's, you know...

[40:15] An American-born...

[40:16] As Weird Barbie.

[40:17] As Weird...

[40:17] Yes, exactly.

[40:18] I mean, every character she plays is basically Weird Barbie.

Dan McCoy

[40:22] I don't know how to pronounce his last name.

[40:25] Ariel Dombas...

[40:26] Dombasale?

[40:28] Okay, and what is...

[40:29] Look at her credits.

[40:30] An American-born French singer, actress, director.

[40:32] She was in Eric Romer's Pauline at the Beach.

[40:36] Oh, okay.

[40:38] She's a...

[40:39] Let's see.

[40:40] Oh, I was wrong.

[40:40] Roman Polanski.

[40:41] Tess.

[40:42] No, just an actress, turns out.

[40:44] Yeah.

[40:45] But like...

Hallie Haglund

[40:45] Just, do you know how hard it is to show up every day on set?

[40:52] It's five o'clock in the morning.

[40:54] You've been up for three hours in a makeup chair.

[40:56] Wow.

[40:57] That woman is 17 years old.

[41:00] Do you know how much makeup she had to go through?

[41:02] Amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[41:03] Yeah.

[41:04] It's like the guy who played Beethoven in the Beethoven movies.

[41:07] He was in the makeup chair for 10 hours to look like a dog.

[41:09] A dog.

[41:09] Yeah.

[41:11] Not the guy who played Beethoven in Immortal Beloved.

Dan McCoy

[41:14] Every morning, every bone in his body was broken and reshaped to play that dog.

[41:18] To be a dog, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:21] They had to hand glue each of those hairs.

Stuart Wellington

[41:25] She...

[41:26] Inspiring the movie Tusk.

[41:28] Charlie is...

[41:30] But not the song Tusk.

[41:31] And the album.

[41:31] Oh, it was the album.

Dan McCoy

[41:32] Okay, yeah, yeah.

[41:33] So it didn't inspire the album Tusk.

[41:34] But not the song.

[41:36] Everything on the album except for the titular song.

[41:41] Don't say you're a dog now.

[41:47] Well, a dog would be too afraid of that band that comes in, that marching band.

[41:51] Yeah, yeah, they're very afraid.

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] What's a dog doing at that stadium anyway, you know?

Dan McCoy

[41:55] Okay.

[41:56] Well, anyway, Charlie is freaked and upset, runs into Kylie Jenner at the spa, confesses

[42:01] to her that a lot of people have been telling her to slow down, maybe like she should listen

[42:05] to them, and Kylie's like, no.

[42:07] That's when you have to go even harder.

[42:09] And so...

[42:09] This is a very funny moment to me.

[42:10] She plays like a devil on your shoulder type figure.

Elliott Kalan

[42:12] Exactly.

[42:13] And maybe this shows the difference between my system of values and the pop world.

[42:17] Whatever Kylie Jenner tells me to do, I'm doing the opposite of that.

[42:21] That is not going to be the right advice.

[42:24] What do you think, Kylie?

[42:25] You got to keep going harder.

[42:26] You got to force that brat down their throat.

[42:28] She's like, oh, I guess I have to...

[42:29] She's like, isn't Johannes the best?

[42:31] She's like, oh, I think I got to have him.

[42:32] I got to have him.

Hallie Haglund

[42:33] Well, I liked that Kylie Jenner was willing to make fun of herself for this.

[42:38] Yeah, okay.

[42:39] I appreciated that.

[42:40] I'm not sure she knows she's doing that.

[42:42] I think she...

[42:42] Well, so I feel like this is actually the most I've ever heard Kylie Jenner speak,

[42:47] and I've watched all of the Kardashian reality shows.

[42:51] So I...

[42:53] But what I did like about this scene was the reason why I reacted to the faces of death joke,

[42:59] full disclosure, is one of the things I like best about Charli XCX is that she's kind of ugly,

[43:05] and she like lets herself feed.

Elliott Kalan

[43:07] I think that's really...

Hallie Haglund

[43:10] She's not ugly, but I like that she's like a mess.

Elliott Kalan

[43:13] She's a very pretty girl.

Hallie Haglund

[43:16] She is a very pretty girl, but she's like kind of a mess, and I like that she's kind of a mess.

[43:20] And it was...

[43:22] She's especially harried in this particular scene where...

[43:27] Yeah.

[43:27] And while Kylie Jenner will not let a hair be out of place, like she literally looks like she's...

[43:34] Like when the camera turns to her, it's specially rubbed with Vaseline, and then when it goes back to Charlie,

[43:40] it's like in hyper-focus.

[43:42] But I appreciated the willingness to be juxtaposed to this like cyborg.

Elliott Kalan

[43:48] I think that...

[43:49] No, that's a good point.

[43:49] And I think she is shot unflatteringly throughout the entire movie, and it did come across really strong,

[43:56] like you're saying, that when Kylie Jenner is on screen, they are not doing that.

[43:59] She has to look perfectly coiffed and made up, and it does help emphasize that Charlie is like totally at a loss

[44:07] and feels like a mess at that moment.

[44:08] So yeah, that was good.

[44:09] This brings something to mind.

[44:12] This is not about like...

[44:13] Please, for anyone, when Hallie referred to Charli XCX as, quote,

[44:17] hideously ugly, a monster.

[44:18] No, I don't think she's ugly.

[44:20] We don't agree with that.

Hallie Haglund

[44:21] I love her.

[44:21] I think I like that she's willing to be imperfect.

Elliott Kalan

[44:26] When she said, I turned on the movie and thought I was watching Gremlins, that is not the way to...

Hallie Haglund

[44:29] Okay, well, then now I can't make my lady gremlin comment about that,

[44:33] because that's literally how she looks at the end when they put her in the green.

Elliott Kalan

[44:35] When she's got all that weird makeup all around her eyes.

Dan McCoy

[44:37] No, but I understand what you mean in the absurd scale of like Hollywood and pop stars

[44:44] and like not being able to have a hair out of place.

[44:46] Like she's not doing that.

[44:48] But, and adjacent, not about looks, but like she's willing to like show herself in an unflattering light

[44:55] in this movie a lot of the time.

[44:57] Like even like sort of borderline villainous, like the way she treats people towards the end.

[45:03] When she kills that child.

Elliott Kalan

[45:04] Yeah.

[45:04] To get a good wind for the concert.

[45:07] Yeah.

[45:07] We haven't even talked about Celeste.

[45:09] Yeah, we barely talked about Celeste.

Dan McCoy

[45:11] We've talked about it a little bit, but let me get to the end of what I'm saying.

[45:14] Barely.

[45:15] I said, Alex, go back and loop the parts that I said Celeste.

Elliott Kalan

[45:19] Celeste has been mentioned, but we don't really know who she is or what's going on.

[45:22] We know about Ibiza.

Stuart Wellington

[45:22] Well, Mama Celeste created a pizza brand so you can get frozen pizzas from her.

[45:29] No, but I...

Elliott Kalan

[45:29] And Celeste is also a hippo in children's books, right?

[45:33] Wow.

Hallie Haglund

[45:34] This woman is very...

[45:36] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[45:36] Again, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[45:37] Not an appearance thing, just a name thing.

Dan McCoy

[45:39] Just to, you know, for the listener who perhaps heard me start a sentence and is wondering

[45:44] what the point was.

[45:45] Yeah, faded breath, yeah.

[45:46] Yeah, yeah, they've been huge on the edge of their seats, yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[45:49] Look how cool Stuart looks right now.

Elliott Kalan

[45:54] Just hanging out with my buddy Dan.

[45:56] No, Dan, go ahead.

[45:57] Dan, why don't you finish that sentence?

[45:59] And now, listeners, finally, after all that wait, you get to hear the end of Dan's sentence.

[46:06] Let's tune in.

Stuart Wellington

[46:07] I also thought it was funny when Kylie Jenner showed up and they're in a spa together and

[46:12] she specifically has her robe open and I'm like, who walks around with their robe open?

[46:16] Oh, somebody wants to show off their body, oddy, oddy.

[46:19] Exactly, yes.

Elliott Kalan

[46:21] Dan, continue.

[46:22] And now, without further ado, the rest of Dan's sentence.

Dan McCoy

[46:25] No, I respect her willingness to be like, to make her own movie where she doesn't always

[46:31] like come off the best.

[46:33] But I also feel like it's a bit weirdly calibrated because she never like pushes her like negative

[46:42] qualities far enough, again, to make it funny.

[46:45] It feels like a lot of the movie is like her complaining about the world she's in.

[46:53] And I understand like it's hard to be under that much pressure.

[46:57] But as an outsider, like audience member.

Elliott Kalan

[47:00] Dan knows all about that.

Dan McCoy

[47:02] It is also like you don't come off like well necessarily in a larger sense of like, okay,

[47:07] well, you know, like, like as an audience member, it is hard to be like, oh, poor you the whole

[47:12] time.

Elliott Kalan

[47:13] Yes, I think, I think it's, you're right that it's, it's, at first it was hard for me to

[47:16] understand what is, is this movie about, is she going to be a joke?

[47:19] No, she's not.

[47:20] It is about the pressures that she's under.

[47:22] And I think there were, I'll, I'll spoil a little bit of my final judgments.

[47:25] There were, I've never been in her situation where I'm a pop star and stuff like that.

[47:28] But there were aspects of this.

[47:30] I know, I know I lied to you, Stuart.

[47:31] Which gives me an idea.

[47:33] There were aspects of the movie that did remind me of experiences I have had in professional

[47:39] projects where you try to go with the flow and you end up in a situation that is not a

[47:44] good situation for you.

[47:46] And so I related to that.

[47:46] I'm talking about this podcast.

[47:47] Yeah, this podcast.

[47:48] But at the same time, it is hard to sympathize with, it's hard to feel that pity for the

[47:53] character who at a moment's notice can run off to go to a spa in Ibiza.

[47:57] And then it does make her problems a little worse.

[47:59] But like, it's a, it's a, there's a little bit of like poor little rich kid in it, which

[48:03] is hard, hard.

Hallie Haglund

[48:05] But I think it's self, I think that's self-aware.

[48:07] Like she, I don't think like that she can run off to go to Ibiza is like not, I don't

[48:14] know.

Dan McCoy

[48:14] I agree that it's self-aware.

[48:16] I just don't think it's calibrated quite right to make it successful in the movie, the

[48:22] way it's done.

[48:24] Ellie, you look like you're about to say something.

[48:26] That's why I paused.

Elliott Kalan

[48:26] I only look like, I'm always about to say something, but it's going to be about, it's

[48:29] going to be another chimney sweep thing.

[48:31] So we don't need to go into that.

Dan McCoy

[48:32] So Charlie freaks.

Elliott Kalan

[48:33] I guess I'll just, you know, when you're sweeping the chimps, the ash gets all in your

[48:38] pores.

[48:38] The only thing you can do, you go to Ibiza, go to the spa, sweat it out.

[48:43] Just sweat it out your pores.

Dan McCoy

[48:46] You got to, ironically, they get it, they put a scrub on you that's full of charcoal.

Elliott Kalan

[48:53] They're doing a charcoal scrub on me.

[48:55] Oh, don't worry, mate.

[48:56] Don't worry, love.

[48:57] I've got the charcoal.

[48:57] It's in me body.

Dan McCoy

[49:02] She freaks.

[49:04] Yeah.

[49:04] After talking to Kylie.

[49:07] And somehow this means that she throws all of her support behind whatever Johannes wants.

[49:12] Johannes, yeah.

[49:13] Which didn't really track for me, but whatever, I'll take it in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[49:16] No, she's feeling at that moment like she looks at Kylie, a picture of success, and she's

[49:22] like, oh, I guess that's what I got to do.

[49:23] I don't really, I'm so unmoored that I don't really, I can't figure out what I want for myself,

[49:28] so I guess I'll just do the thing that everyone's telling me I should do.

[49:30] Yeah.

[49:31] It's a desperation act.

Dan McCoy

[49:32] She posts about the brat card to make sure she has the money to fund his vision of the

[49:37] tour.

[49:38] She comes back home to see all the changes that Johannes has made to the show, including

[49:42] this is a joke that did work for me, changing the iconic green brat background because it

[49:49] was too pukey.

[49:50] I found that kind of funny.

[49:52] And altering the font of the cover.

[49:57] Meanwhile, Celeste is fired from the show, even though she seems to be the only one concerned

[50:01] with Charlie's mental state.

[50:03] And artistic vision.

Elliott Kalan

[50:05] So Celeste has been her creative partner up to this point.

[50:09] And so it's been Celeste versus Johannes.

[50:11] What does Charlie want?

[50:12] What's right for the show?

[50:14] And Charlie has already promised Celeste, I will send an email out that says, no, listen

[50:18] to Celeste.

[50:19] She's in charge.

[50:20] But she's so frenzied, she doesn't send that email out.

[50:23] Instead, she just posts about the brat card, a card that gets you free bratwurst.

Dan McCoy

[50:27] So Celeste gets fired.

[50:28] She's just got more time to go boating with Julie now.

[50:31] So that was brilliant.

[50:32] If only.

Elliott Kalan

[50:32] What a delightful movie that is.

[50:34] Oh man, you had that one fucking locked and loaded.

[50:36] He's been waiting for the right moment.

[50:38] I don't get it.

[50:39] I don't get it.

[50:40] What is it?

[50:40] What's the joke?

[50:41] There's a movie called Celeste and Julie Go Boating.

[50:42] It's really wonderful.

[50:44] It's a really good movie.

Dan McCoy

[50:45] It's a French movie.

[50:46] Charlie gets more and more unhappy with the show, which has added more conventionally flashy

[50:49] pop star costumes and has her flying around on wires.

[50:53] But I have to say, honestly, as someone-

[50:55] Who loves Peter Pan.

[50:57] As someone who is otherwise unfamiliar with Charlie XCX, I think that in the context of just

[51:03] watching the movie, a problem I had was I didn't get a clear enough idea of what her original

[51:08] aesthetic was to be like, this is a betrayal of it.

[51:11] It just looked like normal rock concert stuff.

[51:14] You could have used a little more prep in the early scenes.

Elliott Kalan

[51:16] I think that might help because I think it's something that would probably, like Hallie says, she's picking up that this is like specifically Taylor Swift stuff.

[51:22] But like it reminds me of like I'll sometimes I'll play songs from two metal bands that sound very different to me.

[51:30] And my wife will be like, was that the same band?

[51:32] I'm like, what?

[51:33] They sound completely different.

[51:35] I think this would play great for fans.

[51:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:39] But, you know, as someone who didn't have the grounding, you know, I'm like, why is there a problem?

Hallie Haglund

[51:43] You didn't think that like, because I actually don't know that much about Charlie XC.

[51:47] But I felt like all of the earlier stuff of like the really heavy, you know, the like the strobe lights, the like really heavy, like beat.

Stuart Wellington

[52:00] It's a dance club aesthetic.

[52:01] Exactly.

[52:02] It's like a little bit.

[52:03] It's a little bit trashy.

[52:05] It's like a little bit lo-fi.

[52:08] We see very little of it, though.

Hallie Haglund

[52:10] But it's not just part of it's not just in the literal moments where they're rehearsing.

[52:14] It's like, yeah, exactly.

Dan McCoy

[52:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[52:18] It didn't do it for you.

[52:19] It didn't do it for you.

[52:20] It was not a big contrast in my mind.

[52:22] It seemed like he has like the word bitch up on stage, but with like an ampersand instead of an H or something.

[52:27] And I'm like, I don't know.

[52:28] I don't know that that's, I don't know how different that is from before.

[52:31] I guess they take out the cocaine imagery and replace it with cigarette imagery, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[52:35] So just can I mention something?

[52:38] So we're talking about, you know, talking about costuming and choreography.

[52:43] This week I finally got to go see Cats the Jellicle Ball.

[52:46] Oh, I heard it's great.

[52:47] Dan, you got to see that as well, right?

[52:50] As long-time listeners would know, we all have a pretty deep connection to the work of cats.

[52:56] Yeah.

[52:57] Whether it's the stage production.

[52:58] Yeah, the work of, the work comma of cats.

Elliott Kalan

[53:02] Can you see it in the back of my sofa?

[53:04] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[53:05] The back?

[53:06] That's the work of cats.

[53:06] Wow, your cats are nice.

[53:08] Yeah.

[53:09] But the, so between, you know, we've been long experiences, experiencers of cats either as a musical or as a movie.

[53:18] I think we've all seen the movie.

[53:19] Organ as pets.

[53:21] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[53:22] Speaking of something that creates dander that my body erroneously treats as an immune system.

[53:28] Or jets.

[53:28] A threat, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[53:30] So getting to see Cats the Jellicle Ball, which is taking the musical Cats, but interpreting it through the lens of ballroom culture.

[53:40] It was really magical.

[53:42] Speaking strictly ballroom.

[53:43] And it was this moment of feeling, watching this work and being like, this feels like the original intention of Cats.

[53:50] Like this, finally this is connecting with me in a deeper level.

[53:54] But I have to say one of the most important moments of the show was when, it's incredible, it's only on for a couple more days if somehow you can go see it.

[54:02] And by the time this is airing, there's no way, it's already gone.

[54:04] You missed it.

[54:05] You missed your chance.

[54:05] You missed it.

[54:06] Sorry.

[54:06] It didn't happen.

[54:07] But I will say there's-

Elliott Kalan

[54:08] Like tears in the rain, sea beams glittering off Alpha Centauri.

Stuart Wellington

[54:10] In the first half of the show, they bring up some celebrity audience members to come up and be judges.

[54:17] Dan, do you remember who were the celebrities?

Dan McCoy

[54:20] It was Neil Patrick Harris and I believe it was his husband who was also-

[54:24] Neil Patrick Harris.

[54:25] You know, like an actor or a producer or something.

[54:28] Did you say Neil Patrick Harris, Kylie?

[54:30] Yeah, Cat Tricks.

Stuart Wellington

[54:32] So at my show, one of the-

Elliott Kalan

[54:34] At Cat Hockey, that's what they get is Cat Tricks.

[54:37] Okay, Stuart, at your show.

Stuart Wellington

[54:38] At the show that I went to, one of the performers was, or one of the-

[54:42] Judges.

[54:43] The judges was actor Terrence Mann, who played the original Rum Tum Tugger in the Broadway production,

[54:49] but also he played the alien bounty hunter Ugg, also known as Johnny Steele from the Critters franchise.

[54:57] So of course, when he came up on stage, I audibly shouted, oh shit!

[55:00] Which is okay, because this is a audience participation friendly show.

[55:04] And Charlene's like, who's that?

[55:06] I'm like, oh, you don't want to know.

Elliott Kalan

[55:07] We gotta go watch Critters tonight.

Stuart Wellington

[55:09] Yeah, and then the whole time during intermission, I'm like, I want to go up and talk to him,

[55:12] but there's a really long line.

[55:14] You should have done it.

[55:15] You should have done it, Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[55:16] I don't know, you know.

[55:19] This is, I'm glad that we got this story, so I'm not even going to ask how it relates

[55:23] to the movie we were talking about.

[55:24] I just wanted to talk about it.

[55:26] Okay, that's worth it.

[55:26] Okay.

[55:28] Costumes.

[55:29] Tammy.

[55:29] Yeah, costumes and choreography as well.

[55:32] Tammy Burstyn.

[55:34] Roseanne Arcata.

[55:34] Tammy and the T-Rex?

[55:35] Yeah.

[55:37] The T-Rex is her enforcer.

[55:39] Oh, I see.

[55:41] Apparently, Charlie's Brett card post inaccurately represented the product, which both voided

[55:46] the deal and also the bank has been bankrupted from fans signing up for the free tickets and

[55:52] then bailing, which is something that wasn't initially very clear to me.

[55:55] I feel like this movie, what little plot it has, it imparts in scenes where people yell

[56:01] at each other with a lot of overlapping dialogue and it happens very fast and I'm like, okay,

[56:07] I guess it doesn't matter.

[56:08] Yeah, I didn't understand this.

Elliott Kalan

[56:09] It does feel like the thing that you would expect to have happen with this promotion because

[56:13] it does happen all the time that people sign up for credit cards and then cancel them

[56:17] if they've gotten the bonus that they want from it.

[56:20] But anyway, this is like Elliot says angrily, somebody think of the banks.

[56:25] Somebody think of it, yeah.

[56:26] Well, when I issued my credit card, that's exactly what people did, you know.

Dan McCoy

[56:30] Charlie has precipitated a major financial disaster and there's a-

[56:35] It's pretty brat, honestly.

[56:36] Yeah.

[56:36] Proptage of new-

[56:37] That's the weird-

[56:39] Well, if there was any moral hazard, it would be pretty brat, but you know, these banks

[56:43] are just going to be bailed out.

[56:44] Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[56:44] But this one doesn't get bailed out, Dan.

[56:45] It goes bankrupt and it shuts down.

[56:47] Mm.

Dan McCoy

[56:48] Dude, that's how you know it's a fantasy.

Elliott Kalan

[56:50] It's kind of unclear because at first you see a lot of reactions.

[56:55] It's a big montage of media reactions.

[56:57] And at first the fans are like, oh, hey, Charlie, she took all my money or something like that.

[57:00] But then it's like, but yeah, what would be more brat than setting up a credit card?

[57:04] Everyone gets free tickets and then the bank gets destroyed.

[57:07] But people kind of thought it was cool.

[57:08] Yeah, but then at the end they're like, fans think it's kind of cool.

[57:11] But we see like sad videos of Charlie, former fans being like, I don't like her anymore.

[57:16] And I'm like, I don't, that was the part where I was like, I'm unclear how I'm supposed

[57:21] to read the world's reaction to what happened.

Hallie Haglund

[57:24] Maybe it's not tied up in a neat bow for you.

[57:28] Yeah.

[57:28] Maybe the world is a little more textured.

[57:31] There's a little more friction.

[57:32] Look inward.

[57:33] Sorry, AI didn't write this movie.

Dan McCoy

[57:36] Yeah, you're right.

[57:37] I'm wrong.

[57:38] Yeah.

[57:40] Six days later, her team is trying to do-

[57:43] God rests.

[57:43] In the valley.

[57:45] Her team is doing some damage control.

[57:49] Johannes comes in with his lawyer trying to bail on the project because now he doesn't want

[57:53] to be associated with a controversial figure.

Stuart Wellington

[57:55] Again, Skarsgård's funny in this.

[57:57] As like a sniveling, he's like, make a Skarsgård sniveling perfect.

Elliott Kalan

[58:02] I mean, his performance, he captures that kind of guy.

[58:06] Yeah.

[58:06] Super well, like fantastically well.

Stuart Wellington

[58:08] You know, we're in New York.

[58:09] We don't get those guys as often, but you guys in LA, you probably fucking run into them

[58:13] all the time when you're shopping at what, Erewhon or wherever.

[58:17] Yeah, yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[58:17] I mean, go into Elliot's under construction bathroom without running.

Elliott Kalan

[58:21] No, exactly.

[58:22] I'm just, every day, I'm just trying to drop off my jars of blood just to help the situation

[58:26] and I run into one of those guys.

Dan McCoy

[58:30] Eventually, they all realize that no one has talked to Charlie in a week and they get worried

[58:34] that she might even be dead.

[58:35] Tim rushes to her home.

[58:36] Tim looks at a framed photo of Princess Diana.

[58:40] That was funny.

[58:41] Oh, I missed that.

[58:41] That's funny.

Elliott Kalan

[58:41] Yeah, that was a funny moment.

[58:42] Yeah, that was really funny.

Dan McCoy

[58:44] Tim rushes to her home to check on her and for a moment, it looks like she's dead and

[58:47] I'm like, oh, if this movie actually had the balls to do this.

[58:50] Yes, I felt the same thing.

Elliott Kalan

[58:51] I was like, this would be a big swing if the movie had her die as a result of this.

Dan McCoy

[58:57] But apparently, she's been sleeping for a week.

[58:59] She's taking the break.

[59:00] She needed all movie.

Stuart Wellington

[59:02] Again, I feel like this is a silly, if you're going to do this and you're not going to kill

[59:06] the character, you should make it funnier.

[59:09] You should hand this moment up a little bit more.

Elliott Kalan

[59:11] She should get up and then she'll go, ah!

[59:13] And then she yells, ah!

[59:14] And then they yell, ah!

[59:15] Why are you yelling?

[59:16] You were yelling.

Hallie Haglund

[59:17] Why were you yelling?

[59:19] And then she also has like a piece of bologna stuck to her face.

[59:23] She should have that.

[59:23] She fell asleep on her sandwich.

Stuart Wellington

[59:24] Yeah, and somebody's on the phone and they're like, uh, cancel the headstone.

[59:29] That would be sad.

[59:30] Oh, man.

[59:30] We should have punched this up.

Elliott Kalan

[59:33] She was like, stop the presses, stop the presses.

[59:35] And there's a press plant that's printing up the tribute magazine to Charlie XCX.

[59:39] What are we going to do with these?

[59:44] I thought that was your chimneys working at the press.

[59:48] I've got to do my solid job at the printing press.

[59:51] It's hard to make ends meet when you're just a chim, you know?

[59:55] Just a chim in a room.

Dan McCoy

[59:56] These days, there's fewer and fewer chimneys to sweep.

Elliott Kalan

[59:59] People don't use their chimneys so much so they don't need them swept out.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:03] I thought I'd be safe due to AI, but then global warming.

[1:00:08] My old enemy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:10] No, global warming's been the best thing we could ask for.

[1:00:12] There's so many firers across Europe.

[1:00:14] More ash coming into chimneys.

[1:00:16] I'm used to sweeping up chimneys from what comes from the bottom.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:18] But now it's what comes in from the top.

[1:00:20] But I'll do a lot of sweeping.

[1:00:22] I've got to sweep them.

[1:00:22] The problem is just sort of diegetic, you know, sort of in the air.

[1:00:27] Ash is coming back down.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:28] You don't want them coming into your house through the chimney.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:31] No, no, no.

[1:00:32] All you want is satanic coming into your house.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:34] There's only one thing you want coming down your chimney,

[1:00:37] and that's the occasional squat and maybe Father Christmas himself.

[1:00:41] Is that right, Joel, the old elf?

[1:00:43] You want him to come down your chimney so you catch him, hold him for ransom.

[1:00:48] Because we're all criminals, we is.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:51] God, the accent's getting worse.

[1:00:54] It's getting like Australian.

[1:00:56] Yeah.

[1:00:57] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1:00:57] It's been there the whole time.

[1:01:00] And now the Australian listener's like, no, it's not.

[1:01:04] That's not something that it goes.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:05] No.

[1:01:06] It's not.

[1:01:06] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:08] That's more of a northern.

[1:01:11] Anyway, she sends Celeste a long apology voicemail talking about how she's grown to hate Brad.

[1:01:17] She felt so much pressure to be liked.

[1:01:19] She's decided to go on with the show anyway because even though it's not the tour that they did,

[1:01:24] if she does a bad tour, it would be the final nail in Brad's coffin.

[1:01:27] She's got to kill Brad.

[1:01:29] Yeah.

[1:01:29] But the movie ends with a trailer for the tour, which again, to me, I found very funny.

[1:01:34] To me and Normie look totally fine like a normal pop tour.

[1:01:38] But there are a bunch of good reviews, which are supposed to be ironic because it's like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:41] no matter what she does, she can't escape it.

[1:01:43] People think it's brilliant.

[1:01:44] Some of the reviews felt like they were, and I thought this was funny, that they felt like

[1:01:48] they were clipped to seem positive when they were not actually positive.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:51] High production value.

[1:01:53] High production cost.

[1:01:54] Overwhelming and high production value.

[1:01:55] So this is a very like.

Hallie Haglund

[1:01:56] That's a literal, that's all, but that was a reference to the Eras tour.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:02] Oh, I didn't know that.

[1:02:03] Glossy.

[1:02:04] It's like a super glossy live show.

[1:02:08] It has like, it says like Charlie, it's like brat and then with like live written over

[1:02:13] it in cursive.

[1:02:15] Yeah.

[1:02:15] And they play no Charlie XCX music.

[1:02:18] It's only Bittersweet Symphony, which is also like such a like kind of artistically bankrupt

[1:02:23] song as well.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:24] When they started playing that song, when they started playing that song, I was like, oh.

[1:02:27] And then I was just over the trailer and I'm like, oh, that's fine.

[1:02:30] That's fine.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:31] Well, it's just the idea of this.

[1:02:32] I guess maybe that is, maybe that is a stretch, but it's just playing this song that also

[1:02:36] is like mired in complicated.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:39] I would say it's a, it is a cliche song.

[1:02:41] Certainly.

[1:02:42] It's cliche.

[1:02:42] They're reaching for the most cliche song they could.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:44] And also they lost, they lost all the rights to it because they borrowed so heavily from

[1:02:48] the Rolling Stones.

[1:02:49] Yeah.

[1:02:49] Well, that's a separate thing.

[1:02:50] Oh, I didn't know that.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:50] Well, they sampled, they sampled an orchestral version of a Rolling Stones song and then the

[1:02:56] Stones came in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:57] Mick, you know what I did to our song?

[1:03:00] They sampled our song.

[1:03:01] Oh, no.

[1:03:04] No, we're going to have to sue them.

[1:03:06] He was a session drummer.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:12] Maybe it's just Cruel Intentions, but I like that song.

[1:03:15] In any case, it's funny that they don't even use one of her songs in the trailer for her

[1:03:21] tour.

[1:03:22] Yeah.

[1:03:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:24] And okay.

[1:03:25] That's the story of the moment.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:27] And like Amazon is plastered all over everything, which is kind of funny.

[1:03:31] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:33] Guys, it's time for final judgments.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:35] I don't care.

[1:03:37] I love it.

[1:03:37] You know.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:38] It's time for final judgments where we decide whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad,

[1:03:42] bad movie, or a movie you kind of like.

[1:03:46] Look, I don't care.

[1:03:49] I know that I sound...

[1:03:49] You love it.

[1:03:53] I know that I sound like desperately like uncool when it comes to like the music side

[1:03:59] of this because I don't have the grounding for it.

[1:04:01] And like I probably...

[1:04:01] Oh, not just the music.

[1:04:02] I probably...

[1:04:04] I probably missed like a lot of stuff that I might have found funny if I had more context

[1:04:12] for it.

[1:04:12] I freely admit that.

[1:04:13] I don't...

[1:04:14] Look, I'm a 48-year-old man.

[1:04:17] So I now...

[1:04:18] He's 50.

[1:04:21] Don't age me up.

[1:04:23] Dan likes to shave a few years off his age.

[1:04:26] No, I'm accurately reporting my age.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:30] Dan's like a reverse story in gray.

[1:04:32] He gets older, but his painting stays the same.

[1:04:34] Spooky.

[1:04:35] I don't...

Dan McCoy

[1:04:36] I don't care.

[1:04:39] Sing it again.

[1:04:39] Isn't that what happens?

[1:04:40] Like I've given up on like...

[1:04:45] On being up on new music, but just judging it as a film, I was like, she seems cool.

[1:04:56] I feel like she needed to work through something for herself.

[1:05:00] I don't begrudge her that, but I didn't need to watch it.

[1:05:04] Like as a movie, I'm like, this is not funny enough to be a comedy.

[1:05:09] It is not telling me...

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:11] They went to his house with a gun and they said, put this movie on.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:15] While it is clearly like mired in like reality, it is not telling me something new about that

[1:05:22] world.

[1:05:23] So I was mostly...

[1:05:24] It's a moment.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:25] It's not the moment for it.

[1:05:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:27] Yeah.

[1:05:27] I was mostly kind of bored by it.

[1:05:29] So it was a bad, bad for me.

[1:05:31] But Stuart, what do you think?

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:32] Yeah, I think for a mockumentary, I wish it had been a little more heightened and that

[1:05:37] there was more jokes.

[1:05:39] It's kind of the things we've been talking about quite a bit already.

[1:05:43] One of the weird things that like...

[1:05:44] So a lot of this movie is, you know, she is being pushed and pulled in different directions

[1:05:49] by the people that work for her or the people that...

[1:05:52] The label that she works for.

[1:05:54] And I feel like this movie almost feels like it could have come out of that world.

[1:05:59] Like the idea of like, Charlie, Charlie, the best way to extend Brat Summer is to make

[1:06:04] a mockumentary about it.

[1:06:07] So I feel like it...

[1:06:09] But at the same time, I do think parts of it are funny.

[1:06:13] I think Charlie XCX is still cool.

[1:06:15] I do not like Kylie Jenner.

[1:06:17] So that was kind of disappointing.

[1:06:18] But I guess she's used appropriately.

[1:06:22] And I like the idea also that you have this character who goes through an arc as little as it is.

[1:06:32] And where she eventually lands is, no, I'm going to make the soulless version.

[1:06:37] I'm going to land on the side of making the soulless version just so it'll be over.

[1:06:41] Which I don't think I've seen before.

[1:06:43] So I thought that was a funny choice and a kind of interesting one.

[1:06:48] So I guess a movie I kind of liked.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:51] I think this was not a successful movie.

[1:06:55] But it is a movie I kind of liked.

[1:06:56] I was expecting it.

[1:06:58] Well, I wasn't really expecting anything in particular.

[1:06:59] I didn't know what to make.

[1:07:01] I had no expectations about this movie because I didn't know what it was going to be.

[1:07:04] And it was not particularly funny through a lot of it.

[1:07:08] But I did walk away from it previously having no opinion of Charlie XCX.

[1:07:15] I now have a pretty positive opinion of her as a performer or a personality.

[1:07:20] And so the movie did its job as pro-Charlie propaganda, I guess.

[1:07:25] Charlie Ganda.

[1:07:26] But like I said, kind of hinted at it earlier, there were times in this movie where I was like,

[1:07:30] oh, I can relate to the feeling of being part of a creative machine that you have a responsibility in,

[1:07:38] but which you feel like you can't trust your own instincts or not everybody agrees,

[1:07:44] but they're all trying to act as if they do or something like that.

[1:07:47] And so there were times where I was like, ugh, I kind of, I hate that.

[1:07:51] I'm kind of like connecting emotionally with this movie just because it's not a movie I expected to.

[1:07:55] So it's a movie I kind of like, but I still don't think it's a very successful movie yet when it is.

[1:08:00] I don't think it's great, but I liked it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:02] I think there are a couple moments where you're kind of reminded that the people that are in her orbit

[1:08:07] all have their own lives and jobs and responsibilities,

[1:08:13] and everybody's kind of, the problem is that they don't all line up, clearly.

[1:08:18] But there are obviously a few monster characters like Alexander Skarsgård.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:21] There's one moment in it that I liked that we didn't mention,

[1:08:26] which is so Celeste, her friend slash creative collaborator,

[1:08:29] someone from the album label, I guess.

[1:08:33] There's this like group of guys who somehow work for some aspect of this,

[1:08:37] and I was never quite sure if it was the label or marketing or what.

[1:08:40] One of them goes up to her and is like, oh, Johannes is in charge.

[1:08:42] And she's like, well, then what the fuck am I doing here?

[1:08:44] And he goes, yeah, I don't know.

[1:08:45] What the fuck are you doing here?

[1:08:46] And then she's like, okay, I'll just leave.

[1:08:48] And he walks over to someone else and they go, you messed that up.

[1:08:52] And he's like, shut up.

[1:08:54] I really like that.

[1:08:55] The moment where it's the, you know, the act two rock bottom moment or whatever,

[1:08:59] where like the heroes part with their friends or whatever,

[1:09:02] that that was not seen as a triumph for the bad guy character.

[1:09:06] And instead it was like, he still screwed it up.

[1:09:07] And I was like, oh, I like that.

[1:09:09] There's something kind of fun about that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:10] And one more thing.

[1:09:12] I don't know.

[1:09:13] There's a very on the nose metaphor in that their rehearsal space,

[1:09:19] there's a, they make mention that there is a bird flying around.

[1:09:22] And eventually that bird dies right around the time when Charlie's reaching rock bottom.

[1:09:27] And I'm like, okay, guys, come on.

[1:09:28] Come on, guys.

[1:09:31] Ellen, what'd you think?

Hallie Haglund

[1:09:33] Well, I'm trying to be emotionally honest.

[1:09:37] I feel like sometimes I don't want to say that I like this merely to be in opposition to you guys.

[1:09:46] But I did.

[1:09:48] I thought it was.

[1:09:48] No, I liked it.

[1:09:49] I liked it.

[1:09:50] And I also think that I, it frustrates me when a movie strikes an unusual tone and the pushback is like,

[1:10:01] well, it should have been more like these other things that already exist.

[1:10:04] Like I sort of liked the ambiguity of the tone.

[1:10:09] I don't, I hear you guys saying like you thought it should have been funnier,

[1:10:13] but I liked that the moments that were funny were funny.

[1:10:17] And then it wasn't, it wasn't just slapstick.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:20] I honestly, if this had not been described to me as a mockumentary ahead of time,

[1:10:24] I would not have had that expectation.

[1:10:26] That feels like it's a, what, just what I was led to believe in the beginning.

[1:10:30] So it's a, that's the fault of whoever called it.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:32] But there's like a bunch of comic actors in it.

[1:10:34] Like I, I hear you, Hallie.

[1:10:37] Like I also.

[1:10:37] Dan's the one who called it a mockumentary.

[1:10:39] That's why he's defending it.

[1:10:41] No, I, no, I also feel like I like things with strange tones a lot of the time,

[1:10:46] but I don't know if it, if it sets itself up, like it's going to make me laugh.

[1:10:52] I just want to laugh more.

[1:10:54] But I, I, I also understand what you're saying.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:57] Okay.

[1:10:58] It'd be so funny if Hallie, if you were like, you're like, I got to say this,

[1:11:00] but also it sucked.

[1:11:01] I hated it.

[1:11:04] But I like, when I was watching it, I was, I was going the first,

[1:11:07] probably 10, 15 minutes.

[1:11:08] I'm like, oh boy.

Hallie Haglund

[1:11:10] Yeah, I did think it was going to, I did at the beginning, I was like, oh wait,

[1:11:14] this, this is really going to suck.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:16] But I can't deny that like I had an emotional response to it.

[1:11:19] Right.

[1:11:19] Like, like I got caught up in it and I was like, oh, I connect to things in this.

[1:11:22] And like, by the end of it, I was like, good on you.

[1:11:24] Good on you, Charlie.

[1:11:25] So I can't deny that I liked it.

[1:11:27] Another one for England.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:29] I think, I mean, honestly, I think one of the better movies we've watched for the flop house.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:33] We didn't win the cup of beer, but you know, we got Charlie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:36] So what were you saying?

[1:11:37] I was just saying one of the better movies we've watched for the flop house.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:40] Yes, I think that's true.

[1:11:41] I think it's, I think it's in the upper margins.

[1:11:43] You know, it's not abduction.

[1:11:44] No, it wasn't about abduction.

[1:11:45] What was the one with Halle Berry where a kid gets kidnapped?

[1:11:48] Kidnapped?

[1:11:49] No, kidnapped is the, kidnapped is the Robert Louis Stevenson novel.

Hallie Haglund

[1:11:52] What was the one that we watched that, I feel, the Mamma Mia Mafia one?

Dan McCoy

[1:11:57] Oh, that one.

[1:11:58] Mafia Mama.

[1:11:59] Now that's a good movie to watch the flop house.

[1:12:01] That's a good movie.

[1:12:03] I was all prepared to like this movie and I wound up liking it the least.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:07] Then maybe that's it.

[1:12:08] I went in being like, I'm going to hate this movie.

[1:12:10] And I ended up liking it.

[1:12:11] Dan went in thinking he was going to like it and he hated it.

[1:12:13] When you got expectations, you can mess with you, you know?

Dan McCoy

[1:12:16] Mm-hmm.

[1:12:16] Yeah.

[1:12:16] That's what they say about expectations.

[1:12:19] It makes an X out of you and me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:20] Makes an X out of your X.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:22] Out of.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:23] Makes an X out of Charlie X.

[1:12:26] Yeah.

[1:12:26] Charlie X-y expectations.

[1:12:28] Yeah.

[1:12:29] Yeah.

[1:12:29] She should make great X-y expectations, which is her version of great expectations, but it's her.

S5

[1:12:38] Hey, it's John Moe.

[1:12:40] I host a show called Depression Mode with John Moe.

[1:12:43] And you might think, oh yeah, Depression Mode, that's the show for people struggling with mental health.

[1:12:48] And it is.

[1:12:49] But it's more than that.

[1:12:51] It's a show for anyone and everyone living in the world today.

[1:12:55] A world that can be a pretty rough place sometimes.

[1:12:58] Our show is about how to keep your mind on your side.

[1:13:02] Working for you and with you.

[1:13:05] Instead of making stuff worse.

[1:13:06] We get stories from famous people.

[1:13:08] We talk to experts and researchers.

[1:13:11] And there are jokes.

[1:13:12] So, I'm John Moe.

[1:13:14] The show is Depression Mode with John Moe.

[1:13:17] I hope you'll give us a listen on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:23] It's hard to explain what Jordan Jesse Go is about.

S5

[1:13:25] So, I had my kids take a stab at it.

Hallie Haglund

[1:13:28] Probably weird stuff.

[1:13:30] You talk about jobs that are annoying.

[1:13:34] Uh-huh.

[1:13:34] Hmm, business.

[1:13:35] I think you probably learned your lesson after talking about business a couple of times.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:40] Grown-up jokes that I don't understand and there's no prison making.

S5

[1:13:50] All the podcasts are away.

[1:13:52] Subscribe to Jordan Jesse Go, a comedy show for grown-ups.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:57] This podcast, yes, this one, the one you're listening to now, The Flophouse, is sponsored in part by Squarespace.

[1:14:04] What is Squarespace?

[1:14:05] Well, my friend, it gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place.

[1:14:11] You can get paid on time.

[1:14:13] The best way to get paid in my book with professional on-brand invoices and online payments.

[1:14:20] Plus, you can streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools.

[1:14:26] Squarespace also offers a complete library of professionally designed and award-winning website templates.

[1:14:33] If you want to build a website, you want it to look good.

[1:14:35] You don't want it to look like one of those GeoCities ones that we all remember from our childhood, unless you're much older or younger than us.

[1:14:44] With options for every use and category.

[1:14:47] It's got intuitive drag-and-drop editing, beautiful styling options, unrivaled visual design effects.

[1:14:54] No experience required.

[1:14:55] You don't have to be a tech whiz or understand HTML or even know what HTML stands for to make a beautiful website with Squarespace.

[1:15:03] So head to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[1:15:08] And when you're ready to launch, use offer code FLOP to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:16] This episode is also sponsored by ZocDoc.

[1:15:19] ZocDoc tries to make your life a little bit easier when you're trying to make choices related to your health care.

[1:15:26] Now, I recently was undergoing some confusing and mysterious upper GI pain.

[1:15:34] And I was in a lot of distress.

[1:15:36] And it was tough.

[1:15:39] And getting that all sorted and finding the right doctor was challenging and only added to my existing stress.

[1:15:49] ZocDoc tries to help you and make ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors.

[1:15:58] Say you move to a new town, maybe your insurance has changed, or maybe your health care needs have changed.

[1:16:03] ZocDoc will help make your life a little bit easier.

[1:16:08] Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated.

[1:16:11] So find and book the right doctor with ZocDoc.

[1:16:15] Head to ZocDoc.com slash FLOP to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list.

[1:16:22] That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash FLOP.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:30] The FLOP has some things we'd like you, the listener, to know about.

[1:16:35] And I'm going to tell you about them right now.

[1:16:37] First of all, because she's too modest to mention it,

[1:16:40] I'd like to call attention to our guest Hallie Hagelin's Substacked newsletter.

[1:16:43] That's right, her Substack is entitled That Hurts My Feelings.

[1:16:47] It is available at HallieHagelin.Substack.com, and it's really fantastic.

[1:16:52] It is a must-read for me.

[1:16:53] I read it all the time.

[1:16:54] I love it.

[1:16:55] It's hilarious.

[1:16:55] It's heartwarming.

[1:16:56] It's insightful.

[1:16:58] It's everything you want a Substack to be,

[1:17:00] with none of the Nazism or AI slop that you often get with Substacks.

[1:17:05] So I think I can make that promise for Hallie.

[1:17:07] You will get no Nazi content and no AI content on her Substack, which is called That Hurts My Feelings.

[1:17:13] Next, the Flophouse.

[1:17:15] We're going to be live in person in Louisville, Kentucky on September 18th.

[1:17:19] That's right.

[1:17:20] We're appearing at the Whirling Tiger with special guest, Howell Dottie.

[1:17:24] Our own Alex Smith will be joining us on stage that night.

[1:17:28] We're going to be talking about Glitter starring Mariah Carey.

[1:17:30] It's going to be very fun.

[1:17:32] This is at the Whirling Tiger again in Louisville, Kentucky, September 18th.

[1:17:35] For more information and to get tickets, go to FlophousePodcast.com slash events.

[1:17:40] We haven't done a live show in a while, and we are chomping at the bit,

[1:17:43] or as Dan would say, champing at the bit to do this show.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:46] Well, as someone who understands what the idiom is correctly, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:50] Yeah, yeah, because we all know what champing is.

[1:17:53] None of us know what chomping is.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:55] As I've said before, it just means chomping.

[1:17:57] It's another way of saying chomping.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:00] And if you can't make a dungeon.

[1:18:01] Yeah, yeah, when Dan's like, excuse me, I need a burger to champ on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:05] They're like, you want to be a champion on this burger?

[1:18:07] You're trying to champion this burger?

[1:18:08] I mean, it's pretty good.

[1:18:10] Yeah.

[1:18:10] And for those of us who can't make it to Louisville, Kentucky, which does not include me,

[1:18:14] I'll be there.

[1:18:15] But for those of you who can't make it to Louisville, Kentucky, do not worry.

[1:18:18] You will still have a chance to see our cutie pie faces while we talk about movies.

[1:18:23] Flop TV is coming back the first Saturday of every month from September through February.

[1:18:28] We're going to be doing season four of Flop TV.

[1:18:30] It's the worst of the best.

[1:18:32] The best of the worst and the worst of the best.

[1:18:34] We're talking about the worst best pictures that were named according to us.

[1:18:37] Go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com for the list of titles.

[1:18:41] And also to buy tickets.

[1:18:42] Remember, you can buy individual tickets for individual episodes.

[1:18:45] Or you can get a season pass bundle.

[1:18:47] Six episodes for the price of five.

[1:18:51] How are we making money off of this?

[1:18:52] We're ripping ourselves off.

[1:18:54] Our prices are crazy.

[1:18:55] We're insane.

[1:18:56] That's a reference to the Crazy Eddie electronics store chain.

[1:19:00] I would never make light of the mentally ill to sell tickets.

[1:19:04] Go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com for season tickets or individual tickets to Flop TV the first Saturday of every month from September through February.

[1:19:13] If you can't make it to the first Saturday of every month, don't worry.

[1:19:16] The recordings are available.

[1:19:18] And your ticket gives you access to watch them as many times as you want through the end of February.

[1:19:24] Of course, I'll also just mention I have a few things that are always going on.

[1:19:27] Carly Quinn from DC Comics.

[1:19:29] I'm still writing it.

[1:19:30] Barbarian Behind Bars from Mad Cave Studios, my other comic.

[1:19:33] Please buy the collected edition or preorder it if you would so like to do.

[1:19:37] And, of course, my book, Joke Farming, How to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense is available in bookstores mostly everywhere if you want to order it.

[1:19:44] And the audiobook is also available to buy so you can hear my sweet, lovely voice reading it to you, the listener.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:52] And before we close out this little personal plug section, I would just like to say no Jumbotrons this episode.

[1:20:01] But if you would like to have your Jumbotron read on an episode, we don't mention it enough.

[1:20:08] But you can do that by going to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron.

[1:20:15] People ask us sometimes, how do I get a Jumbotron on it?

[1:20:18] Well, it's handled by the network.

[1:20:19] You go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron for, I believe, $100.

[1:20:24] You can put a personal message up there for perhaps, you know, another Flophouse listener who would be tickled to hear themselves shouted out for an event on the show.

[1:20:36] If you have a business that you want to promote that's a little more expensive, but you can also do that with a Jumbotron.

[1:20:43] So check it out at MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron.

[1:20:49] Hey, guys, good news.

[1:20:51] I found the letters that I was going to read for this episode.

[1:20:54] Oh, thank goodness.

[1:20:55] Wow.

[1:20:56] They had disappeared from my inbox.

[1:20:58] It was touching go, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:59] Dan, I have never met anyone who consistently has letters disappear from their inbox as much as you.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:05] You know what it is?

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:06] I think I did introduce you to the idea of folders.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:08] I am too aggressive about, like, keeping my inbox neat.

[1:21:13] And then sometimes I mistakenly am like, well, I don't need this anymore.

[1:21:16] And I'm like, oh, no, shit.

[1:21:17] I needed that thing.

[1:21:20] But I found it.

[1:21:21] Oh.

[1:21:22] Great.

[1:21:22] This first letter is from Icarus.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:30] Icarus writes, you're missing more wax, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:34] Me wings ain't working.

[1:21:38] Me dad said I flew too close to the sun.

[1:21:41] I don't know why he has that accent.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:43] No.

[1:21:44] It seems like the person who definitely wouldn't have.

[1:21:46] No, he has a Greek accent.

[1:21:49] After listening to the episode on Jim and the Holograms, I watched a few episodes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:55] The episode that launched a revival for Jim and the Holograms.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:59] According to one website.

[1:22:01] I watched a few episodes, and the show was fun, but the music left me wanting more.

[1:22:05] Which fictional band from TV slash movies do you think actually has the best music?

[1:22:10] And are there any tracks from in-fiction groups slash artists that you actually listen to?

[1:22:17] P.S., obviously my answer is the Monkees, although they might arguably be called a real band since they released music and toured outside of just their TV show.

[1:22:25] I would call them a real band.

[1:22:26] I would call them a real band.

[1:22:27] They're a band that were formed in tandem with a television show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:30] I mean, they were a corporately put-together band, but they also had a creative direction.

[1:22:34] Like, that's what the movie Head is all about and things like that.

[1:22:37] So, yeah, I'd call them a real band.

[1:22:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:41] I don't think that there are, like, tracks I specifically listen to that I can think of.

[1:22:47] Other than, I mean, I have the Oh Brother Where Art There soundtrack, so I guess I, like, the Soggy Bottom Boys would count as one.

[1:22:56] But, like, they're individual, like, songs.

[1:22:58] Like, the song from Josie and the Pussycats that was done by Letters to Cleo, the pop punk whatever song that they do is good.

[1:23:07] That thing you do from the movie, that thing you do is a fun, like, individual.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:12] I've mentioned on the podcast before that I have two answers to this question.

[1:23:16] One of them is the one I mentioned before, Ellen Aime and the Attackers from Streets of Fire.

[1:23:20] I think they're legitimately really great.

[1:23:22] And their first song in that movie, Nowhere Fast, I listened to a lot.

[1:23:25] I think it's a great song.

[1:23:25] I really love it.

[1:23:26] And I'm not usually that big a fan of that, like, Jim Steinman, like, kind of big stuff.

[1:23:33] But his work with Ellen Aime and the Attackers and his work with Sisters of Mercy, you know, is the best stuff.

[1:23:39] But also, I'm going to say, I think Spinal Tap's a pretty great band in a lot of ways.

[1:23:44] Like, Spinal Tap has real catchy songs.

[1:23:46] Their songs are genuinely funny.

[1:23:48] I like listening to them.

[1:23:49] I'll often find myself kind of singing them to myself.

[1:23:53] Like, they have good songs.

[1:23:54] So I'll say Spinal Tap, even though the whole point of that movie is that they're not a good band.

[1:23:58] You know, I think they're actually really good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:00] I mean, there's some obvious answers here, like the Riverbottom Nightmare Band.

[1:24:03] Oh, yeah.

[1:24:05] You know, there's Strong Defenders for Powerline from the Goofy movie.

[1:24:11] Fourtown from Turning Red, amazing.

[1:24:13] Yeah.

[1:24:15] Yeah, I feel like I've listed a lot of, like, animated things.

[1:24:19] And I feel like there's a real world for that.

[1:24:22] Allie, do you have any?

Hallie Haglund

[1:24:23] Yeah.

[1:24:24] So I don't know if this exactly fits, but one of my favorite movies, Thing Called Love, with Samantha Mathis, the song that she sings.

[1:24:37] She's always trying to write her country song throughout the whole thing.

[1:24:40] And then at the end, she plays the song Big Dream that is written for the movie.

[1:24:45] I love that song.

[1:24:46] Beautiful song.

[1:24:47] River Phoenix also wrote two tracks for that that he performs.

[1:24:50] I think one of them was actually cut from the soundtrack.

[1:24:52] But Dermot Moroney wrote a song for it that he performs as his character.

[1:24:56] So I think the music in that is excellent.

[1:24:58] And it's not, they're all performing as the individual.

[1:25:05] As the characters.

[1:25:06] Yeah.

[1:25:06] It doesn't exist outside of that.

[1:25:08] So that's my answer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:09] I was thinking of bands, but that makes me think of Nashville also.

[1:25:12] Has a bunch of great songs in it.

[1:25:14] And it's all by the actors as the characters performing those songs.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:18] Oh, and I forgot the song in the summer Scotty Doesn't Know from the movie Euro Trip.

[1:25:22] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:23] I don't know that one.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:24] Really?

[1:25:25] I don't remember it.

[1:25:26] You don't want to know it because you'll never stop humming it.

[1:25:29] Oh, wow.

[1:25:31] This is me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:32] Maybe, don't send any angry letters.

[1:25:34] I've never seen Euro Trip.

[1:25:36] Yeah, clearly.

[1:25:37] Or you would remember.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:38] Scotty Doesn't Know.

[1:25:39] Or we would see the big scars on your side from where your gut busted.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:47] What's the problem, doctor?

[1:25:49] I'm afraid you're going to have to stop watching Euro Trip.

[1:25:51] No.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:53] I guess cancel Comedy Central from, what, 15 years ago?

[1:25:57] Before they discovered Office reruns.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:00] Yeah.

[1:26:00] This second and final letter is from John, last name withheld.

[1:26:05] Who writes,

[1:26:07] John from Cincinnati?

[1:26:09] Regarding Dan's complaint that his older brother is misremembering and or overstating Dan's childhood love of poorly animated European films.

[1:26:21] Yes, Dan?

[1:26:23] Every damn time said older brother came into the living room from about 1985 to about 1990, Dan would be glued to the family's 17-inch color television watching the god-awful joint UK-Polish 1978 production, The Water Babies, which seemed to be on rotation on HBO for the better part of a decade.

[1:26:40] And said older brother would ask Dan to turn it off.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:42] So this is a specific John wrote this letter, is what I'm learning.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:45] This may or may not be a specific John.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:48] No, it's John from Eureka, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:51] Said older brother would ask Dan to turn it off or change the channel to something else, only to be told, no, I'm watching this, go away.

[1:26:58] This sort of behavior is that of an addict, not someone merely watching whatever's on.

[1:27:03] A little child.

[1:27:05] To be fair, Water Babies was only the symptom of a larger problem.

[1:27:09] With the explosion of cable in the 1980s, there were suddenly a lot of broadcast hours to fill, and many terrible French, Italian, and Polish cartoons were hastily dubbed and aired on both premium and basic channels.

[1:27:20] This was a few years before Japanese animation's conquest of North America.

[1:27:25] Said older brother...

Hallie Haglund

[1:27:25] Water Babies wasn't a Virginia Woolf book, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:27:28] I'm thinking of the Waves.

[1:27:29] You're thinking of the Waves, yeah, yeah.

[1:27:30] Very different.

Hallie Haglund

[1:27:31] Water Babies was the original title of the fucking Waves.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:34] You're thinking of Virginia Woolf's novel, Solar Babies.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:38] Said older brother had the bad fortune to catch an episode of Le Monde Angloutie, a sort of animated Moibus for kids post-apocalyptic series, which was retitled in English to Spartacus and the Sun Beneath the Sea when it ran on Nickelodeon in the late 80s.

[1:27:54] And to this day, he has the dance of the Pirates' song stuck in his head.

[1:27:58] Perhaps it would now be the time to mention that said older brother has his own podcast, Sophomore Lit, in which he and a guest discuss a book or story that gets taught in high school or college, and perhaps a book that they read as kids, or really anything because he's lazy when it comes to themes.

[1:28:12] All three of the original Peaches have been guests on said podcast.

[1:28:16] Not me.

[1:28:17] And all are welcome to come back.

[1:28:20] Yeah, why didn't you invite Allie?

[1:28:21] Let's go.

[1:28:22] Let's talk about Water Babies.

Hallie Haglund

[1:28:23] The Waves.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:26] I mean, I can put you in touch with my brother, John.

[1:28:28] He'll be happy to have you on the show.

[1:28:30] What an ambitious thing to have a kid's animated movie, and it then just says, Adapted Based on the Waves by Virginia Woolf.

[1:28:38] And so, like, Transformers the movie, Based on the Waves by Virginia Woolf.

[1:28:42] What an amazing touch that would be.

[1:28:45] But then we'll only be eligible for the Adapted Screenplay Academy Award.

[1:28:49] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:50] All three of the original Peaches have been guests on said podcast, and all are welcome to come back if they want.

[1:28:56] If only Dan were so gracious in inviting his older brother to be on podcast.

[1:29:01] Wow.

[1:29:01] Does this mean I have to pay for a general?

[1:29:04] It feels like you're a guest already.

[1:29:08] I guess I should end this with a question.

[1:29:11] Is there a bad animated movie or direct-to-video that you saw when you were young and will not leave your brain, John, last name, without?

[1:29:18] Well, probably Water Babies.

[1:29:20] It would be mine.

[1:29:22] Water Babies.

[1:29:23] Water Babies.

[1:29:23] Yeah.

[1:29:24] Jim Henson's Water Babies.

Hallie Haglund

[1:29:25] The commercial for Wiggles and Jiggles and Feels So Real.

[1:29:29] It's my water, babe.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:32] Dan would go, I'm watching this.

[1:29:38] That's when I'm going to add that to the rotation of old commercials that I sing to my children.

[1:29:42] Yeah.

[1:29:42] I do my buddy and kid sister.

[1:29:44] I do ring pop.

[1:29:45] Of course.

[1:29:49] Sometimes I'll do whatchamacallit.

Hallie Haglund

[1:29:51] Whatchamacallit.

[1:29:52] Bob.

[1:29:53] Thingamabob.

[1:29:54] Here's my words.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:55] So I don't really have an answer to this one.

[1:29:58] I think the closest I can come to is when I was an adolescent, there was a video of computer animated shorts called, I think, Journey to the Mind's Eye.

[1:30:07] Yeah, yeah.

[1:30:07] And I used to rent that a lot because I liked watching those.

[1:30:10] But it was just a random collection.

[1:30:11] Some of it was commercials.

[1:30:12] Some of it was just random stuff.

[1:30:14] And it was – one of it was a very long kind of like satellite view over – looking over landscapes.

[1:30:22] And I would always fast forward through that.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:23] Elliot, why rent it when you can just go to your local radio shack and they'll be playing it on the TV there?

[1:30:29] That's a good point.

[1:30:30] That's a good point.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:31] Why rent it to watch it comfortably?

[1:30:32] If you have a local radio shack, that's crazy.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:35] There was a local radio shack.

[1:30:36] You may be living in the past.

[1:30:37] Yeah.

[1:30:38] Check in his paper.

[1:30:39] No, that's what we're putting in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:40] That's what we're changing.

[1:30:41] You might be living in the past.

[1:30:44] What a dead-on Jeff Boxman of the Impression.

[1:30:49] Was that Catherine Hepburn doing a Jeff Boxman of the Impression?

[1:30:56] You might be living in the past, you old poop.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:03] Oh, man.

[1:31:03] She crushed that to her though, man.

[1:31:05] Yeah, she did.

[1:31:06] Big numbers.

[1:31:07] Yeah.

[1:31:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:10] She did the redneck comedy and got the redneck and Chris Lightshirt comedy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:17] So, Stuart, what about you?

[1:31:18] I can't really think of anything.

[1:31:20] Okay.

[1:31:20] Even as a child, I had impeccable taste in my animation.

[1:31:26] Like when I made my parents watch The Legend of the Overfiend.

[1:31:29] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:33] Yeah.

[1:31:34] Allie, do you have anything?

Hallie Haglund

[1:31:35] Did it have to be animated?

[1:31:37] Not really.

[1:31:38] No, just like –

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:39] It's Dan's brother with this letter.

[1:31:40] He can say whatever you want.

Hallie Haglund

[1:31:42] Well, I was trying to figure out –

[1:31:44] I was trying to look it up as someone else was talking, but my internet isn't working in your house, Elliot.

[1:31:49] I don't know.

[1:31:50] I guess it's connected to the bathroom.

[1:31:52] I guess it's connected to the bathroom.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:53] Yeah.

[1:31:54] Yeah, that's what it is.

Hallie Haglund

[1:31:54] Yeah, I saw it.

[1:31:55] We have toilet-based Wi-Fi here.

[1:32:00] But do you guys remember the movie Watcher in the Woods?

[1:32:03] I think that was directed video, right?

[1:32:05] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[1:32:05] Yeah.

[1:32:05] I never stopped thinking about that.

[1:32:08] Watcher in the Woods.

[1:32:09] I don't remember that being in theaters.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:13] It was like a –

[1:32:14] I don't remember.

[1:32:15] Was that like a Disney production from like that period when Disney was like, it's okay to scare children.

[1:32:19] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:20] Yeah, yeah.

[1:32:20] Very scary.

[1:32:21] When they made like Black Cauldron and stuff like that?

[1:32:23] Mm-hmm.

[1:32:23] Yeah, something wicked.

[1:32:25] Scary.

[1:32:25] Stuff like that.

[1:32:27] Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:28] I mean like when I was a kid, I watched like the Ewok Adventure and was like, this is sick.

[1:32:34] What's sick?

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:35] I mean I guess the closest I could – this is not animated but like something that like stuck in my brain for a long time was when I saw – as a kid I saw a fool's fire.

[1:32:43] A murder.

[1:32:45] A murder.

[1:32:46] A murder.

[1:32:47] No one would believe me.

[1:32:47] I've never been to shake it on my brain.

[1:32:50] So I had to take justice into my own hands.

[1:32:52] So I was staring out this rear window.

[1:32:56] That's a window I used to look at, butts.

[1:32:59] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:01] Your window magazine.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:05] It's a rear window magazine.

[1:33:06] It's a butt through a frame of a window.

[1:33:08] Oh my God.

[1:33:08] It would be all pinups based around peekaboo like long johns, you know?

[1:33:15] Oh boy.

[1:33:16] I'm vibing.

[1:33:17] Yeah, I'm into it.

[1:33:18] But when I saw – when I saw – on PBS one night saw Fool's Fire, the Julie Taymor short film where it's mostly puppets but not entirely puppets.

[1:33:26] And I remember not knowing what it was and being very kind of like disturbed by it.

[1:33:31] And it took me a long time to find out what that was.

[1:33:33] But that wasn't like a bad thing.

[1:33:34] It wasn't like I was like I watched this bad thing over and over again.

[1:33:37] It's stuck in my head.

[1:33:38] That was more of a – it took me a long time to hunt down what this thing was that I couldn't quite describe to anybody, you know?

Dan McCoy

[1:33:45] Yeah, so I hope this answers this mysterious johns question and everyone should check out Softboard Lit, the episodes we were on first, of course.

[1:33:56] Yeah, the best ones.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:58] Yeah, please, if we didn't answer this question properly, why don't you call your brother Dan and bug him about it?

[1:34:03] And off air.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:04] Off and not in the show, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:06] And Hallie, if you want to be on the show, I'm sure he'd love to have you.

[1:34:09] He's like me but quieter.

[1:34:12] Oh, no.

Hallie Haglund

[1:34:13] I don't have that much to say.

[1:34:14] I can't feel that much air time.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:16] Exactly.

[1:34:17] You're going to have to go in and talk about the waves.

[1:34:19] Water babies.

[1:34:22] Let's recommend some movies.

[1:34:24] Let's do it.

[1:34:25] Movies that we saw and enjoyed and think that you might see and enjoy.

[1:34:31] Hey, who knows?

[1:34:32] Anything can happen.

[1:34:33] Who knows?

[1:34:35] What do I want to recommend?

[1:34:36] Sorry.

[1:34:37] I should have thought about this.

[1:34:38] I mean, if you're not ready, Dan, someone else can talk.

[1:34:39] You usually start, but if you're not ready, we can always break that rule.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:42] I'm going to recommend a modern martial arts masterpiece called The Furious.

[1:34:48] This is probably the first.

[1:34:50] I think it just came out this year.

[1:34:52] It is a fairly straightforward plot line of a mute handyman.

[1:35:00] Daughter gets kidnapped by a ring of child kidnappers.

[1:35:03] That I don't love.

[1:35:04] And he teams up with the husband of a missing reporter to take down this syndicate.

[1:35:12] Of course, they have their own misunderstandings along the way and fight each other for a little bit.

[1:35:18] But there is a ton of battling.

[1:35:20] The fight choreography in this movie is absolutely bonkers.

[1:35:25] There's so much physical storytelling with what they're able to do.

[1:35:29] And it is kind of the first movie since The Raid that I feel like either equals or tops The Raid.

[1:35:37] Wow.

[1:35:37] And just visceral thrills.

[1:35:39] Plus, it has a lot of nods to classic kung fu cinema that I find makes this movie feel like it is kind of part of that classics conversation.

[1:35:50] It's really great.

[1:35:51] If you get a chance, check it out.

[1:35:53] I think it's rentable now.

[1:35:55] But you might be able to catch it in your local theater.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:59] That sounds great.

[1:36:00] I'm going to have to watch that one.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:01] It's great.

[1:36:02] I was having trouble because other than The Odyssey, which doesn't need my help, I have been watching a lot of, let's call them three-star movies lately.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:11] But I'm going to recommend one of those.

[1:36:13] Who are the three stars?

[1:36:14] Like Chevy Chase, Martin Short, and Steve Martin?

[1:36:16] Yep.

[1:36:16] I've watched Three Amigos over and over again.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:18] It was originally called The Three Stars.

[1:36:20] No.

[1:36:22] So I am going to recommend a movie that like it's a silly recommendation, a qualified recommendation.

[1:36:28] But the local Alamo, which I have been avoiding for new movies, but I've been going to rep screening still because usually people aren't taking their phones out there.

[1:36:41] This is the type of thing where like the people who go to those aren't rude film goers.

[1:36:48] I've been going to – their Weird Wednesdays have been running through a bunch of like a beach party movie every month.

[1:36:57] And they've gotten to the point in the AIP beach party films where they have left the beach behind.

[1:37:03] They're still technically beach movies but no longer in the fake place.

[1:37:07] Beach quarry, beach factory.

[1:37:09] Well, like the last month, which I didn't see, was called Sergeant Deadhead.

[1:37:12] And it was just like – it was like an army comedy.

[1:37:15] And then the one that I did go see was, of course, Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine.

[1:37:21] Oh, had you never seen that before?

[1:37:22] I had seen it a long time before for some reason.

[1:37:25] But I was glad to revisit Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine.

[1:37:31] That's the song.

[1:37:33] Yeah, we're talking about good songs from movies.

[1:37:35] Starring Vincent Price as the titular Goldfoot.

[1:37:37] Yeah.

[1:37:38] If you want to see a movie where Vincent Price is not only hamming up but he's doing like full comedy.

[1:37:45] Unlike normal Vincent Price.

[1:37:46] Well, that's what I'm saying.

[1:37:47] He's like adding – he's not just like stopping it like I'm doing a little camp here.

[1:37:51] He's like I'm doing a comedy performance.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:53] He understands the level of a movie with Bikini Machine in the title.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:57] He is an evil scientific genius who has his Igor assistant and he has built a bunch of sex bots to go out into the world to seduce rich men and have them sign over property to them.

[1:38:13] And then he can profit essentially.

[1:38:15] And the main connection to the beach party movies is Frankie Avalon is the star I guess.

[1:38:24] Like even though Vincent Price is the real star as far as I can say.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:26] If Vincent Price is in the movie, he's the star.

[1:38:29] Yeah.

[1:38:29] But Avalon –

[1:38:30] He's the star of Edward Scissorhands and he's barely in that movie.

[1:38:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:33] I was never that charmed with him in the beach party movies that were on the beach.

[1:38:39] But in this one, I don't know, something – like he showed a flair for like physical comedy.

[1:38:44] He does a good job as like kind of the square hero to Vincent Price is like a lot funnier, sort of just dripping with disdain evil guy.

[1:38:55] And it's just – it's a silly 60s comedy.

[1:38:58] It's about a guy with a bikini machine.

[1:39:00] Yeah.

[1:39:01] So if that sounds like it's up your alley, you might enjoy it.

[1:39:04] So you're saying it's ready for a gritty reboot.

[1:39:07] Yeah.

[1:39:08] Well, don't expect – you know, like temper your expectations.

[1:39:11] But if you like nutty stuff, pop culture junk from the past, you'll have fun watching it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:18] Dan, did you ever read the later League of Extraordinary Gentlemen hardcovers that Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill put out?

[1:39:24] There's one where they're in South America and there's a group of former Nazi scientists that are working in South America and one of them is Dr. Goldfoot.

[1:39:31] And I just really enjoyed that he was included in one of these mad scientists.

[1:39:36] Elliot, why don't you go?

[1:39:37] I'm going to recommend a movie.

[1:39:38] So Dan talked to us about bikinis and Stuart talked to us about violence.

[1:39:43] I'm going to talk about the opposite of those things.

[1:39:45] Okay.

[1:39:45] Because I watched a movie recently about a guy who stands for the – about peace and also I guess the laws of religion.

[1:39:55] And that is The Last Temptation of Christ.

[1:39:57] That's right, everybody.

[1:39:59] I have been going back and watching some Scorsese movies I had not seen before.

[1:40:03] And this is one I'd put off for a long time because I'd always heard it was boring.

[1:40:07] Because you're Jewish.

[1:40:08] And because I'm Jewish.

[1:40:10] I'm like, I don't care about this guy.

[1:40:11] This Jew caused all that trouble?

[1:40:13] No thanks.

[1:40:14] Made things a lot harder for us.

[1:40:16] As if things were ever easy for us.

[1:40:18] Oh, boy.

[1:40:19] Oh, no.

[1:40:19] Let me tell you.

[1:40:20] Oh, oh.

[1:40:21] So anyway.

[1:40:22] Moving into Dracula zone again.

[1:40:24] Yeah, well, it was going into Jackie Mason territory.

[1:40:26] But, you know, Jackie Mason is kind of like the Dracula of comedy.

[1:40:30] Actually, Milton Berle would be the Dracula of comedy because he steals from so many other people.

[1:40:34] So – but this one, I should have remembered that Martin Scorsese has two super strong modes.

[1:40:40] And one of them is modern kind of like modern violence and modern turmoil.

[1:40:45] And the other is such a true devotion to the mystery of religious faith.

[1:40:50] And I love his movie Silence.

[1:40:52] I think it's a fantastic movie.

[1:40:53] And this one, I was really blown away by it.

[1:40:55] I thought it was really great.

[1:40:56] I didn't find it boring at all.

[1:40:57] I didn't find it – it's a slow-paced movie but in a way that makes sense when it's set in biblical times.

[1:41:02] Like it should not be fast-paced.

[1:41:04] And something that I'd always heard is a criticism of it, that the performances feel very modern and their voices are very modern.

[1:41:09] You have Harvey Keitel playing Judas.

[1:41:11] You have Willem Dafoe playing Jesus.

[1:41:14] That I – there were jokes I remember people making about like, oh, they just sound like normal modern people.

[1:41:19] And I really liked that about it.

[1:41:20] It made it feel like the characters were so much more alive.

[1:41:23] And it meant that in Willem Dafoe's performance especially, he's playing the Jesus of the Gospels who is so inconsistent.

[1:41:31] And that he's able to create this character who is inconsistent because he's kind of wondering what God wants him to be doing.

[1:41:38] And I thought it was really good.

[1:41:39] I thought it was a really just fantastic movie.

[1:41:41] And one of these movies that if I had any interest in being a Christian, this would have helped to peak that because it helped to make that – it helped to make that aspect of the Gospels feel relevant in a way and kind of modern in a way that made sense to me.

[1:41:56] And there's a great scene with Andre Gregory from My Dinner with Andre playing John the Baptist.

[1:42:04] That's really fantastic.

[1:42:05] And I just thought it was – I thought it was a really beautiful movie and very stirring and very touching.

[1:42:09] So if you've been putting it off because you think it's going to be boring but you have an interest in it, check it out.

[1:42:13] I think it's really good.

[1:42:14] Last Temptation of Christ.

[1:42:15] You know.

[1:42:16] Don't miss your last chance to see this temptation.

[1:42:19] Before it goes to the Disney vault.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:25] Allie, what do you want to recommend?

Hallie Haglund

[1:42:27] Have you guys watched for the purposes of this podcast that Jennifer Lopez rom-com office romance?

[1:42:35] No, not yet.

[1:42:36] Not yet.

[1:42:36] Okay.

[1:42:37] We probably will.

[1:42:37] Well, I recently took a very fun girls trip with my friend.

[1:42:41] Thanks for inviting me.

[1:42:42] And part of – what did you say?

[1:42:45] Thanks for inviting me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:47] Would have been nice to feel included in your –

[1:42:49] That was great.

[1:42:49] Well, it was about girlhood.

Hallie Haglund

[1:42:52] But one of the things – we went to Nashville to see Tori Amos perform at the Ryman.

[1:42:59] But one of the things that we did every night was watch a bad rom-com, a newer bad rom-com.

[1:43:06] So we watched this office romance and it's ridiculous.

[1:43:10] It's fucking ridiculous.

[1:43:11] And I was like, how did this get made?

[1:43:13] And let alone –

[1:43:13] It's a different podcast.

[1:43:15] How did Jennifer Lopez –

[1:43:16] We hate movies.

[1:43:17] Different podcasts.

[1:43:18] Jennifer Lopez doesn't have to do anything.

[1:43:20] She doesn't want to do.

[1:43:20] She is a blank check.

[1:43:21] She is rich.

[1:43:22] So why did she want to do this?

[1:43:25] So I did a little bit of research.

[1:43:27] It's written by Brett Goldman, her love interest.

[1:43:30] Brett Goldstein, yeah.

[1:43:31] Oh, Goldstein.

[1:43:32] Excuse me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:33] They all look alike to Hallie.

[1:43:34] Yeah.

[1:43:35] All those Jews.

[1:43:36] Goldstein.

Hallie Haglund

[1:43:36] But he wrote it.

[1:43:37] But he wrote it especially for her.

[1:43:39] And he was like, I don't even – if she doesn't want to do this, I'm not going to make it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:43] I need to find a way to kiss Jennifer Lopez.

Hallie Haglund

[1:43:45] But she apparently wanted to do it.

[1:43:48] So the premise is like she's a pilot and she owns this airline and he is her lawyer.

[1:43:55] But she really liked that it upended conventional rom-com tropes because she is in like a high status position versus like when she's like the maid or the wedding planner.

[1:44:07] Did she see that Hulk Goodman movie?

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:08] Well, what I was going to say was –

[1:44:11] Which one?

[1:44:11] This was a terrible movie.

[1:44:12] The one with Baby Doll.

[1:44:13] Is that it?

[1:44:13] The one where she's –

[1:44:14] Baby Girl.

[1:44:15] But it's not a rom-com.

[1:44:16] Depends on how you look at it.

[1:44:18] But I was going to say –

[1:44:19] There's like almost no com.

Hallie Haglund

[1:44:22] It's like – okay.

[1:44:23] But this was not a good movie.

[1:44:27] But the movie The Proposal with Sandra Bullock –

[1:44:31] Ah, is very similar.

[1:44:32] Yeah.

[1:44:33] Is very similar in premise.

[1:44:35] She is the high status boss to Ryan Reynolds, who I usually –

[1:44:38] I hate Ryan Reynolds in general.

[1:44:39] But I loved that movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:41] And yet you love Mint Mobile.

[1:44:42] So –

[1:44:43] Yeah.

[1:44:43] And Deadpool.

[1:44:44] And a Wrexum.

Hallie Haglund

[1:44:47] Yeah.

[1:44:48] So what I'm saying is –

[1:44:49] So you're recommending The Proposal.

[1:44:50] I'm recommending The Proposal.

[1:44:52] I haven't –

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:52] I actually have not seen The Proposal.

[1:44:53] I just know it's similar.

[1:44:54] Is it a funny movie?

Hallie Haglund

[1:44:55] I loved it.

[1:44:56] I did watch it on a plane, but I loved it.

[1:44:59] I remember enjoying The Proposal.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:00] Yeah.

[1:45:01] That's not the one where he is in like a fat suit, right?

[1:45:04] No.

[1:45:05] That's just Friends, I believe.

[1:45:06] Oh, okay.

[1:45:07] With Amy – is it Amy Sideris?

[1:45:10] Sideris.

[1:45:11] I would love to see an Amy Sideris run-con.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:13] Yeah, I think that's correct.

[1:45:14] I think that's wrong.

[1:45:14] Wrong call.

[1:45:17] I would love that.

Hallie Haglund

[1:45:19] Yeah.

[1:45:20] That just makes me think of the Bojack Horseman subplot when she's the cat who's dating the kid who is just like standing on another kid.

[1:45:30] Yeah.

[1:45:30] Trenchcoat.

[1:45:31] Yeah.

[1:45:32] That could be a whole movie.

[1:45:34] That was very funny.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:35] Yeah.

[1:45:36] It would get a little weird.

[1:45:38] In live action.

[1:45:39] Yeah.

[1:45:40] Yeah.

[1:45:40] I guess so.

[1:45:42] Well, guys, we did it.

[1:45:43] That was our moment.

[1:45:45] And that was your moment to listen to us.

[1:45:47] The Flop House.

[1:45:49] Thank you to Hallie for being here.

[1:45:50] I'm not sure you're speaking to at the moment.

[1:45:55] Talking to the listener at home.

[1:45:56] The listener at home.

[1:45:57] Although I'm also saying thank you to Hallie for being here and bringing joy.

[1:46:02] I was like, oh, good.

[1:46:04] I get to see Hallie today.

[1:46:05] And it lived up to my expectations.

[1:46:10] So now that we're going around the table, what do you have to say to me?

[1:46:13] Good to see you again, Stuart.

[1:46:15] I haven't seen you in a while.

[1:46:16] Even though we live in the same.

[1:46:18] We live very close.

[1:46:20] We live in the same apartment.

[1:46:21] We live together.

[1:46:23] Sometimes doing the show together.

[1:46:27] You know, like.

[1:46:27] And Toby can.

[1:46:28] Kind of gets in the way of us.

[1:46:29] Like a round bed.

[1:46:30] Spending more time together.

[1:46:32] Because, you know.

[1:46:32] We're like, oh, we can always rely on the podcast, you know.

Hallie Haglund

[1:46:35] Yeah.

[1:46:36] And you get in fights on the podcast.

[1:46:37] She makes some time just for us.

[1:46:38] It's awkward to spend time together.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:40] Hallie, I haven't seen you in a while.

[1:46:42] Because you live across the country.

[1:46:44] Which was.

[1:46:45] Well, I haven't seen Hallie in a while.

[1:46:46] It felt like it was a personal betrayal.

Hallie Haglund

[1:46:47] We live in the same neighborhood.

[1:46:48] Yeah.

[1:46:48] We're like you guys.

[1:46:50] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:51] We need podcasts to keep us together.

[1:46:52] I keep talking about going out to L.A.

[1:46:54] And L.A.

[1:46:55] It's like, no, no, no.

[1:46:56] It's all fires here.

[1:46:57] No.

[1:46:57] It's all fires all the time.

[1:46:58] Stay away.

[1:46:59] Or else we come over.

[1:46:59] It doesn't work.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:01] I have another bathroom.

[1:47:03] Oh, okay.

[1:47:03] You can use that bathroom.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:04] Whoa.

[1:47:05] Don't say that on air.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:07] People are going to think you're rich.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:10] I think I'm rich.

[1:47:10] Like when people got upset that one of the doughboys had stairs outside his house.

[1:47:16] Outside the house?

Dan McCoy

[1:47:17] Yeah.

[1:47:18] He has like a lot of stairs leading up to his house, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:20] No.

[1:47:21] He lives in L.A. or something.

Hallie Haglund

[1:47:22] He probably lives in Highland Park.

[1:47:24] He could live in, you know.

[1:47:26] Highland Park's got a lot of skills.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:27] I mean, I've got like, what, two, three stairs going up to my front.

[1:47:30] Stop it.

[1:47:30] I told you.

[1:47:31] You must be nice.

[1:47:32] It's just a brick stoop.

[1:47:34] Just a brick stoop, you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:36] Within that elevated lifestyle.

[1:47:38] Okay.

[1:47:38] Well, anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:40] Thank you to.

[1:47:40] I'm just a couple inches higher up than most people.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:43] Thank you to our network, Maximum Fun.

[1:47:45] Go to MaximumFun.org to check out the other great shows on the network.

[1:47:50] You know what?

[1:47:51] Check out our newsletter, Flop Secrets.

[1:47:54] It's a great way to learn about everything new that's happening with the show.

[1:47:59] If you go to flophousepodcast.com, it's very easy to sign up.

[1:48:04] And you can hear about all the stuff that you probably already heard about in our plug section.

[1:48:08] But it gets mailed to you directly with a little few extra jokes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:12] Well, Dan puts a lot of work into making it a fun, entertaining reading experience.

[1:48:18] You get answers to listener questions that you don't get on the podcast.

[1:48:22] I would say sign up.

[1:48:24] Sign up.

[1:48:24] Dan puts a lot of work into it.

[1:48:26] Let's recognize that by signing up and reading it.

[1:48:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:29] Make me feel like my work is worth something.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:33] That's what I want out of life right now.

[1:48:34] Sign up and re-enlist today.

[1:48:37] Thank you to Alex Smith, our producer.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:39] He goes by the name of Howell Dottie.

[1:48:40] He sure does.

[1:48:41] If you want to see him in person and you live in the Louisville, Kentucky area, you can come to our show.

[1:48:47] But for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:48:50] I've been Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:52] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:48:53] And we've been joined by...

[1:48:54] Allie Haglund.

[1:48:57] Bye.

[1:48:58] Bye.

[1:48:59] Bye.

[1:49:00] Bye.

[1:49:08] Bye.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:15] Bye.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:15] Okay.

[1:49:15] I'd like to back up and ask an actual friend question.

[1:49:18] What's going on with your bathroom?

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:20] What are you doing?

[1:49:21] So the floor was rotting.

[1:49:23] We knew we were going to have to make a new one at some point.

[1:49:25] And that turned into a project of making it into a master bathroom as opposed to a bathroom off the hallway.

[1:49:31] And so it's just getting totally redone.

[1:49:33] So the guys came and they demoed it.

[1:49:35] And now they've put the new walls in.

[1:49:37] And they've put the cement in so they can put the tiles down.

[1:49:40] It's coming along.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:40] I love this blue-collar Elliot we're getting here.

[1:49:43] He's like using terms like demo and all that stuff.

[1:49:46] He's got tape measures.

[1:49:48] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:49] Every day I show up with a hammer in one hand, I go, what do I do, guys?

[1:49:52] How do I help you out?

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:53] Just start banging on things.

[1:49:55] Yeah, yeah.

[1:49:55] He's like, when's quitting time?

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:59] Oh, man, I could go for a frosty one right now, huh?

[1:50:02] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:50:03] Well, it means that my house is very loud and full of dust.

[1:50:07] And I don't have my usual workspace.

[1:50:10] Oh, no.

[1:50:10] In the bathroom.

[1:50:11] I've been working outside, and it's been very hot lately.

[1:50:16] It really is very hot here, guys.

[1:50:18] Oh, you're sorry.

[1:50:19] When I said workspace, I was referring to a separate space than my usual jerk space, which I still have, which is the corner of the garage farthest from the door.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:27] You just face the corner?

[1:50:29] Yeah, I call it winter witching.

[1:50:30] Yeah.

[1:50:31] Oh, I think he used one of those Japanese screens with hentai printed on it.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:36] No, no.

[1:50:36] No, the good thing about this is clearly Elliot's keeping his imagination alive.

[1:50:41] It's all fantasy-based.

[1:50:42] Exactly, exactly.

[1:50:43] I don't want to lose that part.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:45] I don't want to lose that.

[1:50:46] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:47] You know, that innocence.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:48] Yeah.

[1:50:49] I don't want to have to deal with a fisherman's wife's dream.

[1:50:51] I want my dream.

[1:50:52] See you now.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:54] Well, we've greeted Hallie in the normal way.

[1:51:00] Maximum Fun.

[1:51:01] A worker-owned network.

[1:51:03] Of artists-owned shows.

[1:51:04] Supported.

[1:51:05] Directly.

[1:51:06] By you.

The Moment, with Hallie Haglund

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