FH Mini 51 - Talkin' Toys with T'Elliott

[0:00] Hello, everybody. Welcome to another Flophouse Mini. That's right. It's the Flophouse, but

Elliott Kalan

[0:09] not at the maxi size. It's the mini size with wings. And tonight we wanted to do a special

[0:15] mini to help promote and endorse our Flophouse virtual live show, which is happening this

[0:21] evening. If you're listening to this on the day of its release, which is Saturday, March

[0:26] 19th, then today you can watch our Flophouse live virtual show where we talk about Masters

[0:32] of the Universe. It starts at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. To get tickets, you just go

[0:37] to theflophouse.simpleticks.com. Now, if you're listening to this a couple days after release,

[0:41] you missed the show, I'm sorry to say, but you can still buy a ticket and download the

[0:45] recording of the show. You have one week to do that. After that week, the show will disappear

[0:50] forever and no one will ever see it again. We've got new presentations from us. Dan has

[0:53] some kind of surprise thing that he's not going to tell us what it is. Stu says he has

[0:57] a surprise. I'm just going to be there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00] I'm taking bets. Elliot and I have been taking bets, but I think Dan's going to show hole.

[1:04] What?

Elliott Kalan

[1:05] I didn't. Yeah, I'm betting no, but Stuart's been betting yes. And so that's the, if you

[1:11] want to see if Dan shows hole, that's theflophouse.simpleticks.com today. That's up to you, Dan.

[1:17] And so in order to, in order to get people in the mood for a movie like Masters of the

[1:23] No, not for you, not for your hole, Dan, or holes.

[1:26] Okay, thank God, because it's not happening.

[1:28] No, in order to get people in the mood for Masters of the Universe, a movie based on a

[1:32] toy line, I thought today we'd take a look at toys based on movies. That's right. It's

[1:37] time for Elliot Kalin's once every 35 years, 10 best movie related action figures.

[1:43] That's right. I did one when I was five years old, 35 years ago, and I'll do one again in

[1:47] the future when I'm 75 years old. It's a 35 year thing like Haley's Comet. If it, Haley's

[1:52] Comet came around 35 years instead of whatever it is, 70 something. So today, Dan, Stu, why

[1:57] don't you come with me on a little walk down toy memory lane as we look at Elliot's choices

[2:02] for the top 10 best movie related action figures. Now, and these are, now again, these are toy

[2:07] lines based on movies. These are not toys that were adapted into movies. So there's no Ninja

[2:11] Turtles on this list. There's no, uh, Thunder Cats is, there's no Transformers is any of that

Stuart Wellington

[2:17] stuff. Uh, so, uh, wait, do they make a, they make a Thundercats movie? Uh, well, they've been

Elliott Kalan

[2:23] talking about making one for a long time, you know, what about Thunder Birds movie? I know that,

[2:29] but that's not the same thing. No, they, and they, wait, they made a, the birds movie. Yeah. They

Dan McCoy

[2:35] made a, the birds movie. It's called the birds. It's based on the toy line. It's based on the

Elliott Kalan

[2:41] movie of the same name. Wait, so the movie is based on the movie of the same name? Yeah.

[2:46] Okay. Interesting. Uh, it's, it's the, Alfred Hitchcock was really eating his own tail on that

[2:51] one. So, which was good because he didn't want people to know he had a tail. So that was the

[2:55] only way to get rid of it back then. They didn't have the surgery. He had to eat it right off.

[2:58] It's like turning red. Uh, I sent you guys a packet of photos. Uh, so feel free to go to the

[3:04] first page of that packet. Please don't look ahead to the, uh, later pictures and you, you should be

[3:10] seeing, uh, number 10, uh, Dan Stewart. Can you describe what you're seeing here? Um, well, it is a

Dan McCoy

[3:17] grim one. Yeah. I will say that much. Uh, it looks like, uh, Mohawk. Uh, it's Stripe. Stripe. Oh,

[3:25] sorry. Mohawk is the later one. I couldn't remember. They both have Mohawks is the confusing

[3:29] thing. Mohawks is more of a spike, more of a spiky thing. Spiky Mohawk. Stripe has white

[3:34] hair because he's a silver fox. Yeah. Okay. It is Stripe. It is Stripe. Uh, Stripe. Trickster

[3:41] king of the Grimlands. And that's a great way to describe him. I love it. He's like coyote.

[3:45] He looks a little, uh, uh, bent out of shape. I guess that's kind of a pun because he's literally

[3:51] a plastic thing that has been kind of bent around. I mean, Gremlins are like twisted creatures,

Elliott Kalan

[3:57] right? They're not meant to. Yeah. And this one is literally twisted. So this is a Gremlins

[4:00] rubber figure from 1984. This is a toy I had and I loved very much. As you can see from the picture,

[4:05] he's kind of doing kind of a shimmy Charleston type dance. They were very hard to get to stand

[4:09] up properly. And, uh, the best this person could do was bend the knees inward and have the hands

[4:14] kind of like off to the side as if he's dancing. Uh-huh. So this is my number 10 pick for the best

[4:20] movie related toys. It was a bendy Stripe. It looked great. It felt rubbery. Like you imagine

[4:24] real Gremlin skin would feel. Uh-huh. And adding to the excitement of it was the fact that I played

[4:29] with it so much that the metal wires inside that held its shape started poking out through the rubber

[4:34] skin. Yeah. And it became dangerous. Just like my bones. Yeah, exactly. So just like the real Stripe,

[4:39] it was very dangerous to play with. Watch out, everybody. And also you shouldn't get it wet

Stuart Wellington

[4:43] because it would not dry. It would just smell. Yeah, that's a good point. Did you ever try feeding

Elliott Kalan

[4:49] that shit after midnight? Well, I mean, it was pointless. He's a Gremlin already, but I guess.

Stuart Wellington

[4:53] What happens if you feed a Gremlin after midnight? Does it become a Super Gremlin?

Elliott Kalan

[4:58] It does. I have to assume it becomes a Super Gremlin or it goes back and becomes a Mogwai. No one

[5:02] ever tried it before. Whoa. So that's the Gremlins figure. Do you guys have any Gremlins toy memories?

Dan McCoy

[5:08] I don't have any Gremlins toy memories. A couple years back, I think it was our first Christmas

[5:15] together as partnered in any way, Audrey got me a Gremlin figure that has, it's from the original

[5:23] movie and it's got a lot of the movie theater accoutrement. Like it has little 3D glasses and

[5:32] a beer and a cigarette and popcorn bags you can put on the ears. It's a nice little, I've lost at least

[5:41] two of these smaller items that came along with it already, but I am very fond of my Gremlins

Stuart Wellington

[5:48] figure. What about you, Stu? Yeah. So just like you guys, I love Gremlins 2. And when Gremlins 2 came

[5:56] out, there was a, I think Tops put out a series of trading cards and I obsessively collected them.

[6:01] At the time I probably should have identified this as a signifier of upcoming addictive obsession

[6:08] habits. And I should have nipped it in the bud. Unfortunately I did not. Yeah. And then at the

[6:15] same time I was playing the Nintendo game Gremlins 2, which was based on the movie. And that was the

[6:21] first Nintendo game. Much like the birds was based on the birds. Yeah.

[6:23] I think that was the first Nintendo game that I beat. And I remember taking a picture of the end

[6:29] game screen. That couldn't have been the first game I beat. DuckTales was the first game I beat.

[6:33] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like Gremlins 2 was a game that I beat and I'm like, hell yeah. So I took a

[6:38] picture and I sent that shit in the Nintendo Power. Did not hear back from them. Oof. Oof.

Dan McCoy

[6:43] Their loss. That was a fun game. I, I, I, look, no, no shades to a little bit of an easy game,

[6:49] but a very fun game. Well, why do you think they didn't print it? Nintendo Power sent it in a

Elliott Kalan

[6:53] Nestor opened up the envelope and was like this easy stuff. Not, not magazine worthy. You know,

Dan McCoy

[6:58] what I just remembered that I had that I really loved was I don't, I think it was like some sort

[7:03] of, uh, uh, fast food tie in. Maybe I had a series of records that told the story of Gremlins.

Elliott Kalan

[7:13] Yes. Yeah. I had those also. Yeah. And the, and there were, there was storybooks that, that told it.

[7:17] There was one called what Billy's new pet or something like that. And anyway, I had a lot of

[7:22] Gremlins toys as a kid. A lot of them are still at my mom's apartment. We had so many gizmos,

[7:26] but this one I think has disappeared, which is good because it was.

[7:30] Wazoo and gizmos. Always a gizmo, never a stripe. We had gizmos up the wazoo. Anyway,

[7:37] so let's move on to the next one. Don't scroll too far. Just go to the next page.

[7:40] Just go to the next page. Scrolling ahead. Oh. Okay. So now we're going to number nine. This is

[7:46] Showtime Beetlejuice from 1989. Dan, can you describe this toy? This supposedly ill thought out toy.

Dan McCoy

[7:52] Yeah. So imagine in Beetlejuice where he says, it's Showtime. That is, that is what makes this

[8:01] Showtime Beetlejuice because he's got the, you know, like the carousel head, hat kind of thing

[8:10] with like bat wings around. He doesn't have the long hammer. The mallet arms. Mallet arms that he does

[8:17] have at that point in the thing, but they have tossed in on the side a banister Beetlejuice snake. You

[8:26] know, the snake with the Beetlejuice head, although it is really tiny. It looks like kind of a, it's,

[8:32] it's smaller than his arm. Yeah. It's made, it's made kind of attached to his arm and here,

Elliott Kalan

[8:37] according to the packaging, it's called a rotten rattler. Uh, and so the reason I included this

[8:42] was this was my first experience with Beetlejuice was seeing this toy at a friend's house and having

[8:47] no idea what it could possibly be that it does not look like the Beetlejuice character very much.

[8:53] Like the sculpt does not look like. Yeah. I'm sure you were able to, to easily extrapolate what the

[8:58] plot of the movie was. It was like, okay, this guy has a carnival for a head.

Stuart Wellington

[9:02] So it's about this couple that die in an accident. It was, it was amazing. It's a tragedy really.

Elliott Kalan

[9:08] I feel like my, my first experience with Beetlejuice was this toy, then the Beetlejuice cartoon,

[9:13] and only many years later, the movie. So for years, I thought that Beetlejuice was the star of the

[9:17] movie Beetlejuice and didn't realize that if anything, he's the villain of the movie. But yeah,

[9:22] this was, I always thought it was a strange choice to make your Beetlejuice figure from one moment in

[9:26] the movie when his head is misshapen and it's turned into something else.

Dan McCoy

[9:29] We have to talk about that in the upper right corner of the packaging, we have a Beetlejuice who has,

[9:36] you know, again, he's got human legs and arms and hands, or at least Beetlejuice, human legs,

[9:45] arms and hands. But his face is sort of the snake Beetlejuice.

Stuart Wellington

[9:48] Yeah, he's got like a snake head. Like he's one of the bad guys from the Fjord Woods.

Elliott Kalan

[9:52] What's that word balloon say, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[9:53] The word balloon says, can I be scary or what?

Elliott Kalan

[9:57] And then above that, you'll notice it says ages four and up, which seems wildly inappropriate.

[10:03] Yeah, very.

[10:03] To have a Freudle playing with this.

[10:05] Very optimistic.

[10:07] There's something, and there's a, and I'm going to touch on this actually in the He-Man live show,

[10:11] is the inappropriateness in the 1980s of what materials were deemed licensable for children's

[10:17] merchandise. It was just like, anything goes and it doesn't matter how scary or rated the movie,

[10:22] you know.

Stuart Wellington

[10:22] And this is after the like Saturday Night Live, Dan Aykroyd sketches where they make jokes about

[10:28] toy manufacturers not giving a fuck about killing kids with their horrible toys.

Elliott Kalan

[10:33] Yes, and it was right before the classic Big Red commercial, which is-

[10:36] More endangering, yeah.

[10:37] Yeah, the Big Red SNL commercial, which is a Viking whose helmet spins and just squirts

[10:42] red toxic goop all over the place.

[10:45] So, yeah, people knew that toys, that kids played with toys.

[10:48] They didn't think like, oh yeah, an adult would like this.

[10:50] At the time, toys were for kids, you know.

[10:52] So let's move on to the next one.

[10:54] This is going to be a more, this is a slightly more modern toy.

[10:56] Let's go to number eight.

[10:58] And I'm sure you recognize all the characters in this.

[11:01] Uh, yeah.

[11:03] This is, this is a Star Wars set.

[11:05] These are some of your favorite characters.

[11:07] Zet, Jukasa, Baron, Papa Noda, Tyr, Tennille, and Chi, Kiri.

[11:13] And this, of course, everyone knows that this is the Star Wars Lucas Collectors set,

[11:17] which is the set collecting all the characters George Lucas and his kids played in the Star Wars

[11:21] prequels.

[11:23] And I gotta say, it's a pretty, it's a pretty cool move for a dad to do that.

[11:27] Yeah.

[11:27] I mean, that's a fucking flex.

[11:29] That's amazing.

[11:30] What's amazing also is if you look at this smaller picture, one of the figures, the Chi

[11:34] Ikiri figure, I think it is, is side eyeing the George Lucas figure like, dad, I can't

[11:39] believe you made me dress up like this.

[11:42] One of my big regrets is when I, when I got a tour of, uh, Industrial Light and Magic years

[11:47] ago is not buying this in the gift shop that they had, uh, because it would be, cause I

[11:54] just thought it was such a crazy thing to have where it was like, yeah, yeah.

[11:57] I love Star Wars so much that I want toys of the creator's family that I can play with.

Dan McCoy

[12:01] Especially because like in terms of, you know, being in the movie, I don't know actually what

[12:08] these characters are, but they kind of all like, they give the vibe of like, oh, they

[12:13] would be standing behind Queen Amidala in one scene.

Elliott Kalan

[12:17] Yeah.

[12:18] Yes.

[12:18] Very much so.

[12:19] These are not major characters, but Star Wars has never let that stop them from making a toy

[12:23] that a character is only appears in one frame, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[12:25] Like it's one thing, it's one thing to do this.

[12:28] And it's another thing to where like, as a, as a wrap gift for Peter Jackson, some of the

[12:35] crew got together and hired the, the Perry twins, the miniature sculptors to sculpt up

[12:40] a set of figurines of Peter and Fran and their kids as 28 millimeter figurines, which is

[12:47] amazing.

[12:47] And I think that's super cool.

[12:49] And he also, he also commissioned those same sculptors to sculpt up a line of New Zealand

[12:54] World War one infantry, which is super cool too, but he didn't try and sell them to, to

[12:59] people that aren't his family.

Elliott Kalan

[13:01] Yeah.

[13:01] He didn't package them and then sell them.

[13:03] You'll notice also it says in the corner here, ages four plus, uh, four year olds love to

[13:07] play with George Lucas's family members.

[13:09] It's just, they love it.

[13:10] Uh, the, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a weird, it's a weird flex to be like, you want to complete

[13:16] Star Wars figure set by my children?

[13:19] Uh, so let's move on to the next, the next page.

[13:24] Um, now this is, this is a more, even if anything, an even more niche product than the Lucas family,

[13:30] uh, figures.

[13:31] Yeah.

[13:32] This is, this is, uh, from the silent screamers line from 2000, 2001, which was the strange

[13:38] thing of, uh, they look like McFarlane toys, but they're not McFarlane toys where they are

[13:42] horror toys of characters from silent movies.

[13:45] And this is Maria from Metropolis.

[13:47] And here's what I like about it.

[13:49] One.

[13:50] Yeah.

[13:50] I want a figure of Maria from Metropolis.

[13:51] Maybe the greatest robot in the movies.

[13:54] I mean, it's like C-3PO, but a lady.

[13:56] But the things that I think are funny about this is that the, the sculpt for this figure

[13:59] has made her boobs so much bigger than they are in the movie.

[14:02] They're, they're giant.

[14:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[14:03] Well, also she's sitting with her legs splayed wide, wide apart in the packaging.

[14:09] Like.

[14:09] Yeah.

[14:10] Mostly in packaging, you just have like someone just standing there.

[14:13] But this, this is Maria spreading this, uh, robot.

Elliott Kalan

[14:18] Yeah.

[14:18] Well, she's sitting on the throne where she's formed, where she turns into, where she loses

[14:21] her robot shape and becomes Maria, the, uh, the, uh, taking the form of the, uh, the worker's

[14:28] daughter.

[14:28] Yes.

[14:28] But there is something yet.

[14:30] It does look like her legs are kind of cocked at a, uh, at like a sexy angle, you know, uh,

[14:34] guys.

[14:35] And I want to talk to you.

[14:36] Is there anything nerdier than, and I have a reason for asking this.

[14:39] Is there anything nerdier than buying a kind of gritty action figure of a character from

[14:45] a silent horror film from the 1920s?

Dan McCoy

[14:48] Uh, you know what?

[14:50] I would normally say no, but I feel like this is a setup for something.

Elliott Kalan

[14:54] No.

[14:55] Yeah.

[14:55] I think you're right, guys.

[14:56] I think, no, I think you're right.

[14:57] Wait, Stuart, what were you going to say?

[14:58] Yes or no?

[14:58] What?

Stuart Wellington

[14:58] I was going to say, like, I feel like this, if I, if I bring somebody home to show them

[15:04] my well-appointed, uh, living room and I have my display cabinet where I put all my in-packaged,

[15:11] uh, figurines, I would probably put this one near the back.

Elliott Kalan

[15:16] Now, I'm asking you this because I did not own this figure, but I did own a different

[15:20] figure from this line, the Caesar the Somnambulist figure from the cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

[15:26] Who, uh, that figure, it's like, it's super, you know, Edward Scissorhands, gothy looking,

[15:32] but it also kind of looks like the artist Michael Allred, uh, creator of Madman.

[15:36] Now, uh, I want you to scroll down.

[15:37] There's a runner-up for number seven on this list.

[15:40] If you scroll down just the next one, uh, and that, and-

[15:43] Runner-up.

[15:44] Let me know when you get there.

[15:45] Oh, my.

[15:46] The runner-up is the Nosferatu figure of the same Silent Screamers line.

[15:50] And the reason this really got to me is, one, it's one of the few figures that comes

[15:54] with several mice, several dead rats as things that you can have as accessories.

[15:58] But also, I think it's possibly the least anti-Semitic Nosferatu I've ever seen, which

[16:03] really hit me, that they managed to make one that did not feel like it was a cartoon in

[16:08] a Nazi newspaper.

Dan McCoy

[16:09] I have to say that this feels like, um, the spitting image version of Nosferatu.

[16:15] The British puppet satire program, like they did a version of.

Stuart Wellington

[16:22] It's a very Punch and Judy Nosferatu.

[16:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:25] It's, it's a little distorted from what you know from the F.W.

[16:29] Murnau movie.

[16:30] I feel like, that was.

Stuart Wellington

[16:31] I feel like the packaging makes some promises that I don't know if it's going to be able

[16:36] to keep.

[16:37] Like it says, featuring skin burns when exposed to sun.

Elliott Kalan

[16:42] Yeah.

[16:42] I never had this one.

[16:43] So I don't know if that actually happened or not.

[16:45] It seems like it's hard to keep a mint.

Dan McCoy

[16:46] Leged rat base with extra rats.

[16:48] Oh man.

[16:49] Yeah.

[16:50] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:51] Like I get it.

[16:53] One rat is fine.

Elliott Kalan

[16:54] And you'll, you'll notice that this one also the base connected to the base of the

[16:58] Renfield figure, which was sold separately.

[17:01] Uh, but you're right.

[17:02] These, these figures were done with like this, you know, this kind of twisted nineties kind

[17:06] of like distorted goth style.

[17:08] There was around this time that they had these like, like twisted wizard of Oz figures too,

[17:13] where they were all kind of like tough and scary.

[17:15] And that's, it was along those lines.

[17:17] It was in that kind of Marilyn Manson.

[17:18] We're going to take Alice in Wonderland or whatever and make it like, make it Cormac McCarthy

[17:23] twisted.

Stuart Wellington

[17:23] I mean, yeah.

[17:24] Would you say this is your daddy's Nosferatu?

Elliott Kalan

[17:27] I would say this is not your daddy's Nosferatu because your daddy didn't have a Nosferatu.

[17:31] Your great grandfather had a Nosferatu.

[17:33] Yeah.

[17:34] Yeah.

[17:36] So before, before we take a brief break for ads, I want to just go down to one more.

[17:40] I want to go down to the next, the next one, go down to the next page.

[17:44] So this is number six.

[17:45] Don't scroll file.

[17:46] It's number six.

[17:48] And so Dan, can you describe this?

[17:49] Oh, Stuart, you describe this figure since you had such a reaction to it.

Stuart Wellington

[17:53] Well, it looks like a shirtless, unmuscled man with a mustache described as German mechanic

[18:01] action figure from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Elliott Kalan

[18:04] Yeah.

[18:04] That's right.

[18:04] And you'll notice that somehow, according to this, this picture I took from the internet,

[18:08] that it was on sale for $2.11, which is a strange price.

[18:12] It's a strange number to put on a price tag.

Dan McCoy

[18:14] I would like to highlight the inset.

[18:16] It's priced at all.

[18:18] There's a little inset picture of the figure in action that says,

[18:22] quick action arm for realistic play.

[18:26] Because that's what I'm looking for.

[18:27] I don't know what unrealistic play would be.

[18:31] I'm sorry, Bobby, you're moving that action figure around, but it just doesn't feel like

[18:36] a realistic play to me.

Elliott Kalan

[18:38] And again, ages four and up.

[18:41] Ages four and up.

[18:42] The character of the beefy Nazi that punches Indy in the face before being killed by a propeller

[18:48] is for ages four and up, of course.

[18:50] Now, this figure, what I like about it is, partly, one, it's a character you would not

[18:55] expect them to make a toy of.

[18:56] He's only in one scene and there's nothing particularly distinctive about him other than being bald

[19:00] and having a mustache.

[19:01] Two, that they call him German mechanic as opposed to like Nazi soldier or something like that.

[19:06] Because the fact that he's a mechanic doesn't really play into his character in the movie.

[19:10] He doesn't wield a wrench or anything, you know.

[19:14] Punches.

[19:15] But also that when you look at the actual figure itself, he just kind of looks like a dad.

[19:19] He looks like a dad who took his shirt off to wash the car.

Stuart Wellington

[19:22] Yeah, he looks significantly less intimidating than he does in the movie.

[19:25] In the movie, you're like, oh man, this dude is going to fuck Indy up.

[19:29] But the figure, you're like, oh, he's a little potato.

[19:32] Yeah, no, he's got a dad bod a little bit.

[19:35] He's, you know.

[19:36] A little bit.

Dan McCoy

[19:37] Well, you know.

[19:39] He doesn't have enough body hair to be a bear, but he's got like, you know, a nice mustache.

[19:45] I like that this is a Kenner figure.

[19:49] You know, Kenner, obviously known for the original Star Wars action figures.

[19:55] Did they do G.I. Joe as well or was that Hasbro?

[19:59] G.I. Joe is Hasbro, I do believe.

[20:01] But Kenner, of course, famously got the Star Wars license and rode that to the money bank.

[20:11] As opposed to, I don't know, the other kinds of banks.

[20:13] To the goblin bank.

Elliott Kalan

[20:14] A sperm bank where they'd be like, why are you bringing these toys here?

[20:17] We don't want people to use these while they're delivering.

Stuart Wellington

[20:20] Or the blood bank, which is where Blade hangs out outside waiting for suck heads to walk in.

[20:25] He's like, I'm going to smoke y'all.

Elliott Kalan

[20:27] Now, this one doesn't come with any accessories, but if it did, I imagine it would come with like a can of beer and probably like a little portable black and white television set that it could prop in a garage on top of a workbench.

Dan McCoy

[20:39] Yeah, or like a folding chair.

[20:41] Or a pretzel.

Elliott Kalan

[20:43] Or a pretzel would fit really well.

Dan McCoy

[20:45] He's a true mechanic, like a big doughy pretzel.

[20:48] I would love a pretzel.

Elliott Kalan

[20:49] Come on, Kenner, give him a pretzel.

[20:51] Come on.

[20:51] Hang out with that guy with a pretzel and some beer.

[20:54] Yeah, yeah.

[20:55] So you have to imagine that at some point a kid got this toy, took it out of the package.

[20:59] Of course, they want to play with it.

[21:00] And then left it in a box.

[21:02] And that someone then found it without the packaging and was like, why does he have a shirtless, like a shirtless, hairless bear daddy?

[21:09] Like, why does he have a toy of this?

[21:12] Because there's nothing else about him that particularly screams adventure.

Stuart Wellington

[21:16] Now, was Roadblock the G.I. Joe guy who kind of looked like this or was that Leatherneck?

Elliott Kalan

[21:23] I mean, this guy reminds me of Sergeant Slaughter, but without the hat and the sunglasses.

[21:28] And he wore a shirt.

Stuart Wellington

[21:29] It sounds like you're talking about all of his distinguishing characteristics.

[21:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:33] Now, let's take a break.

[21:35] I've got a few more toys for us to go through, but don't scroll ahead.

[21:37] Let's take a break because we've got some sponsors on this episode.

[21:41] Dan, would you like to tell us, the sponsors are not toy makers, unfortunately.

[21:45] That would have been a real coup.

[21:47] Dan, who's sponsoring us on this episode?

Dan McCoy

[21:49] It's a real hard left turn.

[21:50] I want to talk to you briefly about microdosing.

[21:54] This is a time of...

Stuart Wellington

[21:55] I feel like that goes hand in hand with laughing about toys.

Dan McCoy

[21:58] It really is.

[21:59] It does.

[22:00] This is a time in our lives, guys, where, you know, maybe we want to chill out a little

[22:05] bit without impairing our judgment.

[22:08] I think that, like, that is kind of the vibe of a current society.

[22:14] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[22:15] If you've heard about microdosing, if you search around a bit on the internet, you know that

[22:18] a lot of people are doing it to just feel better, to, like, chill out, to perform better.

[22:24] Our show today is sponsored by microdose gummies.

[22:29] The microdose gummies deliver a perfect entry-level dose of THC that helps you feel the right amount

[22:35] of good.

[22:38] I have had experience with them.

[22:40] I will say they do make you feel the right amount of good.

[22:45] Yeah, I'll back you up on that.

[22:46] They don't.

[22:47] They don't mess you up.

[22:47] They just...

[22:49] Maybe you're just a little more equipped to handle what the world throws at you.

[22:56] I have enjoyed them.

[22:58] I will say that.

[23:00] Microdose is available nationwide.

[23:03] To learn more about microdosing THC, just do a quick search online or go to microdosegummies.com

[23:10] and use code FLOP, that's F-L-O-P, to get free shipping and 30% off your first order.

[23:18] Links can be found in the show description.

[23:20] But again, that is microdosegummies.com and code FLOP.

Stuart Wellington

[23:26] Hey, the show is also sponsored by Squarespace.

[23:30] You know what?

[23:31] You probably need a website.

[23:35] And Squarespace is that all-in-one platform for building that website and growing your business

[23:41] online.

[23:42] You can stand out with a beautiful, very professional-looking website.

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[23:52] Think about it.

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[23:59] Who cares?

[24:00] I don't.

[24:02] Now, some of the Squarespace, we've talked about it before.

[24:07] Again, it provides a lot of awesome features.

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[24:24] Learn where your site, who visits your site and where your sales are coming from, which is

[24:29] actually pretty helpful.

[24:32] So, head to squarespace.com slash FLOP for your free trial.

[24:39] And when you're ready to launch, use your offer code FLOP to save 10% off your first purchase

[24:45] of a website or domain.

[24:46] Like, if you're trying to create a website that's all about Elliot's favorite toys, you

[24:52] can do that now and make it look much more professional than what Elliot gave us to look at these pictures

[24:57] of toys.

Elliott Kalan

[24:58] I mean, I didn't know I needed to make it publication ready.

[25:02] It's...

[25:02] I think you're doing just fine, buddy.

[25:07] This internally used document had to be hitting the stands tomorrow.

[25:14] It's literally just a Word document where I sent it to you as a PDF, I guess, where it's

[25:18] one picture with a line of text on it.

Stuart Wellington

[25:20] There's just a certain level of professionalism I've come to expect from podcasters.

Elliott Kalan

[25:25] I want to remind everybody, as I mentioned before, if you're listening to this on the day

[25:29] of release, that's Saturday, March 19th, that today is the day of our Flophouse live virtual

[25:34] show where we're talking about Masters of the Universe, the greatest movie based on a

[25:38] toy line.

[25:39] No, of course it's not.

[25:40] But I can't think of any off the top of my head that are better.

[25:43] It's going to be at 9 p.m.

[25:44] Eastern, 6 p.m.

[25:45] Pacific.

[25:45] It's only $10 for your ticket.

[25:47] And if you get it, you have one week of access to the downloaded video.

[25:50] We're going to have some new merchandise for sale during the show that's only available

[25:54] during the week of the show.

[25:55] And we're going to be doing new presentations and stuff.

[25:57] It's going to be great.

[25:58] That's theflophouse.simpletix.com for tickets.

[26:01] Theflophouse.simpletix.com.

[26:05] So that's tonight, 9 p.m.

[26:07] Eastern, 6 p.m.

[26:07] Pacific.

[26:08] Theflophouse.simpletix.com.

Jesse Thorn

[26:13] Hi, I'm Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fun, and I have a special announcement.

[26:18] I'm no longer embarrassed by my brother, my brother, and me.

[26:22] You know, for years, each new episode of this supposed advice show was a fresh insult, a

[26:29] depraved jumble of erection jokes, ghost humor, and frankly, this is for the best, very little

[26:36] actionable advice.

[26:38] But now, as they enter their twilight years, I'm as surprised as anyone to admit that it's

[26:44] gotten kind of good.

[26:45] Justin, Travis, and Griffin's witticisms are more refined, like a humor column in a fancy

[26:51] magazine.

[26:52] And they hardly ever say bazinga anymore.

[26:55] So, after you've completely finished listening to every single one of all of our other shows,

[27:01] why not join the McElroy Brothers every week for My Brother, My Brother, and Me.

S5

[27:07] Maximum Fun is a network by and for cool, popular people.

[27:11] But did you know it also has an offering designed to appeal to nerds?

[27:15] A show for nerds?

Elliott Kalan

[27:17] On Maximum Fun, the devil, you say?

S5

[27:20] It's true.

[27:21] It's called The Greatest Generation, and they review episodes of a television program for nerds

[27:26] called Star Trek.

[27:28] They've reviewed TNG, DS9, and are now reviewing Voyager.

Jesse Thorn

[27:32] Hey, Star Trek.

[27:34] My daughter enjoys that program.

S5

[27:36] Well, if she enjoys that, and she enjoys humor of the Flashland variety, might I recommend

[27:40] she subscribe to The Greatest Generation?

[27:43] Hey, are you calling my kid a nerd?

[27:46] Why, I oughta...

[27:47] Well, gotta go.

[27:48] Become a friend of DeSoto by subscribing to The Greatest Generation on MaximumFun.org today!

Elliott Kalan

[27:54] Okay, now, without further ado, let's get to the second half of this list, which is my five

[28:00] favorite toys based on movies.

[28:02] Now, guys, we're getting into some really special ones here that mean a lot to me, so let's

[28:05] scroll down to the next one.

[28:06] Number five.

[28:08] So let's go to number five.

[28:09] Again, don't skip ahead.

[28:11] And you're gonna see, I think, one of the classic tie-in figures.

[28:15] Dan, tell me what you see.

Dan McCoy

[28:17] It's Bob the Goon from Batman the Movie.

[28:22] That's the...

[28:23] That's the...

[28:24] Tim Burton's original Batman from, what is it, 89, I think?

[28:29] 1989.

[28:30] I forget the name of the actor.

[28:32] He was in a lot of Jonathan Demme movies.

Stuart Wellington

[28:38] Stop making sense.

Dan McCoy

[28:39] Yeah, classic character actor, Bob the Goon.

[28:44] He's got a Uzi, he's got a knife, he's got a hat, and apparently, according to this, like,

[28:52] wham, you know, balloon here, he's got a button-activated power kick.

[28:59] I want to see that shit in action.

[29:01] Or, as it says, coup de pied, mécanique, action par un bouton.

Elliott Kalan

[29:08] Yeah, so this might be a Canadian package.

[29:10] It lists everything in English and French.

[29:11] This is Bob the Joker's Goon, as portrayed in the movie by Tracy Walter.

[29:15] Tracy Walter.

[29:15] And, yeah, it is...

[29:16] This was one of your first movie-based bad guys in toy form that I remember as a kid,

[29:22] and I have to admit, the character of Bob the Goon didn't make a huge impression on me in the film,

[29:27] but seeing the toy, I was like,

[29:29] oh, I guess he must be a major character.

[29:31] What's so striking to me about this toy is that the figure does not even look like,

[29:36] doesn't look like the actor, and doesn't even look like the picture of the actor on the packaging.

Dan McCoy

[29:40] Well, the picture on the packaging also doesn't look like the actor.

Elliott Kalan

[29:43] It doesn't look like the actor, that's true.

[29:45] I would say the picture on the packaging looks a little bit more like the actor,

[29:48] and the figure looks more like if Willie Nelson had played Bob the Joker's Goon.

[29:52] Sure.

[29:53] The picture on the packaging looks more like Billy Jack.

[29:56] Yes, he looks just like Billy Jack.

Stuart Wellington

[29:58] If Billy Jack went bad.

[29:59] They had all these Billy Jack figures sitting around.

[30:02] Now, I gotta say, you said that he's a bad guy, and you know what?

[30:05] You can tell he's a bad guy, because this is for ages five and up.

[30:09] Yeah, this is not for kids.

[30:10] Only five and up, you can't have Bob the Goon.

[30:12] Your daddy's Bob the Goon.

Elliott Kalan

[30:13] And of course, his accessories are, I think as Dan mentioned, a gun, a knife, and his hat,

[30:17] so that his hat can come off when you need it to.

[30:20] And go, woo!

Stuart Wellington

[30:21] Yeah, yeah, when he sees Batman's secret identity, and his fucking hat flips off his head.

Elliott Kalan

[30:27] And you gotta give them credit over at, I forget which company this is,

[30:31] you gotta give them credit that with Star Wars, they'll make up a whole name and a backstory for every figure,

[30:37] even if it's not in any way connected to what happens in the movie.

[30:40] But with Bob, no, uh-uh, not even a last name.

[30:43] He is Bob, he is the Joker's Goon, that is all the information you're gonna get.

[30:47] And I hope you enjoy it.

[30:48] To be honest, he looks more like Bob from Twin Peaks than he does like Bob in the Batman movie.

Stuart Wellington

[30:53] Which, I would say, is for ages six and up, at least.

[30:57] At least.

Elliott Kalan

[30:57] But maybe it's a hidden Batman-Twin Peaks crossover, which would have been great.

[31:02] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[31:02] Here's something significant I would like to say about the picture of Bob the Goon.

[31:06] So, he's wearing a hat.

[31:08] If you look at the head.

[31:10] That is significant, yeah.

[31:11] If you look at the head, the hat seems to, like, cover up to, like, where his eye is on his hat.

[31:19] As if, you know, beneath the hat, his head narrows significantly in sort of a Zippy the Pinhead,

[31:28] the Coneheads sort of scenario.

[31:31] Like, I do not understand how a normal human head would have this size hat worn as it is shown here.

Stuart Wellington

[31:39] I would also say that this packaging art looks a lot like Magic the Gathering and other fantasy artist Paolo Parente's work.

[31:46] Who knows?

[31:47] Maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[31:48] Could be.

[31:50] So, that's, I mean, there's a lot of good detailing on this art.

[31:53] The kind of expanding waist of the jacket that he's wearing is very lovingly detailed.

[31:59] Yeah.

[32:00] So, that's pretty nice.

[32:01] But, yeah, you're right.

[32:01] That hat doesn't, it looks like a big chunk of his head was removed.

[32:03] It does not line up.

[32:04] Yeah.

[32:05] So, Dan, I haven't...

[32:05] Maybe that's why it works for the Joker, because he lost part of his head and he's looking for it.

Stuart Wellington

[32:08] Now, I haven't seen the new with the Batman movie.

[32:11] Does Bob show up in that?

[32:13] Please, I mean, Bob the Goon.

[32:13] Bob the Goon does not show up in the new The Batman.

[32:16] Oh, that's too bad.

[32:17] The Batman.

Elliott Kalan

[32:18] Oh, well, they're waiting for the spinoff, The Bob.

Stuart Wellington

[32:20] I mean, maybe it wasn't long enough.

[32:22] Do you think there's a director's cut that's like five hours long where Bob the Goon shows up?

Dan McCoy

[32:26] The funny thing is, I went, like, again, I don't know if we, I don't think we mentioned it in this episode.

[32:32] I think we, pull back the curtain, we recorded two things at once tonight, which is a rare occurrence, but...

Stuart Wellington

[32:38] Which is probably why everyone's extra spicy and bad at their jobs.

Elliott Kalan

[32:42] In the previous thing we recorded, I reckon...

[32:45] Which is an episode that will come out a week after this one.

Dan McCoy

[32:47] Yes, I referenced having a Almo season pass, which means that, you know, like you pay a certain amount.

[32:54] You go and see, you can see one movie a day.

[32:57] Dan flexing on all our listeners here.

[32:59] Yeah, wow.

[33:00] He can see movies whenever he wants.

[33:01] Taking Squarespace money and putting it right toward the Almo.

[33:04] My point is, I will see certain things that maybe I wouldn't see otherwise.

[33:09] The other week, I did a double feature of Uncharted and The Batman.

[33:17] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[33:17] Dan, you need hobbies.

[33:19] You gotta find something to do with your time.

Dan McCoy

[33:22] I think life may turn around.

[33:25] My point is, The Batman famously...

[33:31] That's what we all keep pushing for, right.

[33:33] Three hours long.

[33:34] So watching Uncharted before The Batman may have added to my impression of The Batman, which was...

[33:41] It was an old-fashioned butt buster.

[33:45] It...

[33:45] Yeah.

[33:45] My butt felt in pain after watching The Three Hour of The Batman.

Stuart Wellington

[33:50] I fantasize about the times when I would get to go do double features at the movie theater.

[33:56] I haven't done that in a long time.

[33:58] I have not done that in a very long time.

[33:59] Still, my best one was The Witch.

[34:01] Or no, it was Upgrade followed by Hereditary.

[34:05] Oh, man.

[34:05] What a fucking double feature.

[34:07] Yeah, wow.

Dan McCoy

[34:07] I was fucking wasted by the end of that shit.

[34:09] Yeah, if anything, I can't argue with that other than I would probably switch them.

[34:13] I feel like Upgrade would be a little bit more fun after the...

[34:17] Well, why don't you go back in time and tell Stuart years ago to do...

Stuart Wellington

[34:20] Do it the other way, Dan.

[34:21] Yeah.

[34:22] Man, after...

[34:23] When people first see Tony Collette crawling on them walls, everyone's hooting and hollering

[34:27] at rules.

[34:28] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[34:29] Now, that's a fun one to see in the theater.

[34:31] Oh, what a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[34:33] That has one of my favorite floating body effects.

[34:36] Hereditary.

[34:37] Yeah, that's great.

[34:38] Yeah.

[34:38] So, anyway, that's Batman, Bob the Joker's goon.

[34:40] It's a classic toy.

[34:42] Dan recommends The Batman.

[34:43] He thinks it's great.

[34:44] It'll make your butt bust.

[34:45] So, let's move on to the next page.

[34:47] Bust your butt at the bat.

[34:49] Now, this is, again, another toy based on a movie.

[34:52] Scroll down to the next one.

[34:53] Don't scroll any further.

[34:54] Just go to number four.

[34:55] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[34:55] Ooh, I love this.

[34:57] Now, this is the bull alien from the Aliens toy line from 1993.

[35:02] Were you guys aware that in 1993, almost 15 years after the movie Aliens came out, they

[35:08] released an Aliens toy line where they imagined, hey, what would happen if the alien was in

[35:13] different kinds of animals?

[35:14] Right.

[35:15] And this is what it would like coming out of a bull.

[35:16] So, describe this bull for me, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[35:18] This is like if an alien infected bull from TV's night court is what you're saying.

Elliott Kalan

[35:25] No, no, not at all.

[35:26] No, you're misunderstanding.

[35:27] That's a basic.

[35:28] I understand, but that's a misunderstanding.

[35:30] It's not actually.

[35:32] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[35:33] Which is weird because Richard Maul's blood is already acidic.

Elliott Kalan

[35:37] Yeah.

[35:38] But that's just because he eats so much ketchup and vinegar.

[35:41] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:41] Well, I would say about this, it looks like a bull and it looks like an alien.

[35:47] And it is also, it looks like someone has sort of half, haphazardly, half-heartedly spray

[35:55] painted part of this bull alien red.

[35:58] I don't think there's a lot of rhyme nor reason to which parts of this are sort of reddish,

[36:05] but that's what it is.

Elliott Kalan

[36:05] Now, describe to me again, what makes it bullish?

Dan McCoy

[36:10] What makes it bullish?

Elliott Kalan

[36:12] Other than the fact that it's hedging big on gold right now.

Dan McCoy

[36:16] Yeah.

[36:17] It feels good about the future of the market.

[36:20] The way its legs are are kind of as if it's like hoofing at the ground.

[36:27] I don't know how you say it.

[36:29] Stamping as if it's going to, you know, charge and it's got some bull horns.

[36:35] Those would be the two big bull things.

Stuart Wellington

[36:35] Now, Elliot, are these the same figure in both pictures?

[36:38] Because one's neck is way shorter than the other neck.

Elliott Kalan

[36:42] So that's the thing.

[36:43] It had a head-butting power where its neck could extend.

[36:47] So this is it standing up with the neck extended and also sitting forward.

Stuart Wellington

[36:50] Now we're talking about the alien that's already got a weird amount of phallic imagery in it.

Elliott Kalan

[36:55] Yes.

[36:55] And now it also has an extending veiny neck as well.

[37:00] Yes.

[37:00] You've understood it completely.

[37:01] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[37:02] That was H.R.

[37:03] Giger's fucking design notes to the bull alien design team.

Elliott Kalan

[37:08] I should also – you're going to be happy to know that there's also a gorilla alien which had a head that you could squeeze and water would squirt out of it.

[37:14] Just continuing that imagery.

[37:17] Now, the thing I like about this, the bullet alien in particular, I love the horns.

[37:21] It makes it look satanic, like it's a demon alien.

[37:23] But also, you can kind of build your own story around it.

[37:26] Like, hey, what if Ripley – she's had a hard time with all these aliens.

[37:30] She just wants to take a load off.

[37:32] She goes to the Calgary Stampede, the famous show in Calgary.

[37:36] And she just wants to take in some bulls at this rodeo show.

[37:38] But then, uh-oh, there's an alien inside one of the bulls.

[37:42] And it gets out.

[37:44] Maybe it uses its horns to tear through someone's belly.

[37:46] A bull's belly, I guess.

[37:48] And it's just wrecking havoc.

[37:49] And now she's got to get on a cow or a horse and rope that bull.

[37:53] And there's endless hours of imaginative play that way.

[37:57] You make up your own story.

Stuart Wellington

[37:57] I mean, for me, it's – I don't know about you guys, but I was just tired of Ferdinand

[38:03] just sitting under that fucking tree, just dicking around.

[38:06] I think he should get a xenomorph on the face and squirt out a little bull alien.

Elliott Kalan

[38:11] Yeah, and they take that bull alien to the bullfighting ring.

[38:14] And all the lovely ladies have flowers in the hair.

[38:17] And he sniffs the flowers and just tears the head off of the Toreador.

[38:20] Yeah, that's just how it happens.

[38:22] So that's the aliens, bull alien.

[38:23] Again, I don't have the packaging, so I don't know what ages this was recommended for.

[38:27] But this was 1993.

[38:28] I can assume three and up.

Dan McCoy

[38:31] I'm going to say 80 to 85.

Elliott Kalan

[38:34] Yeah, this is 1993.

[38:35] So it's still the era before toys were like a grown-up collectible explicitly.

[38:40] So let's move on to number two.

[38:41] Now this – no, let's start to number three.

[38:43] Let's move on to the next one, number three.

[38:44] This is the toy I wanted the most when I was a kid.

[38:46] Oh, look at this.

[38:47] So this is the city set from the commercials for the real Ghostbusters toys.

[38:53] This was not a toy available in stores.

[38:55] This was the set that the professional commercial directors and set designers made to show off the Ghostbusters toys.

[39:02] This was not a toy you could buy.

[39:04] This was a little bit of a tease on your part, Elliot.

[39:06] Well, this was a tease on the part of the advertisers, Dan, because this is what I always wanted to use with my Ghostbusters toys.

[39:11] And yet I could not because it didn't exist.

[39:13] It was not buyable.

[39:14] Yeah.

[39:14] And I would just watch these commercials and I'd be like, sell us the buildings.

[39:18] I want the city buildings.

[39:19] That's what I want.

Stuart Wellington

[39:20] Yeah.

[39:21] You wish that you had some kind of – you were some kind of oligarch who could just buy whatever you wanted.

Elliott Kalan

[39:27] Yeah.

[39:27] I could just call up the commercial and say, bring that to me, and they'd have to do it.

Dan McCoy

[39:33] Now, these are impressive little sets.

[39:34] They look like, you know, the old HBO feature presentation city or whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[39:40] One of my favorite pieces of filmed anything is that old HBO promo.

[39:46] It's a city at night.

[39:47] The camera swoops through it.

[39:49] You hear the buses honking.

[39:50] It goes over the suburbs.

[39:51] Then it goes over the mountains.

[39:52] It goes into the sky.

[39:54] What's this coming out of the sky, coming to us out of the universe, this cosmic visitation?

[39:58] It's the HBO logo.

[40:00] We go towards it.

[40:00] We go into the O of the HBO logo.

[40:03] And unfathomable, unfathomable universal energy.

[40:06] Prisms of pure tranquility and understanding.

[40:10] And galactic harmony are flying through this O.

[40:13] And what does it bring us?

[40:14] Your feature presentation.

[40:15] Oh, I just love it.

[40:16] Just imagine the music makes my neck tingle.

[40:18] So, Dan, you're saying?

[40:19] No.

Stuart Wellington

[40:20] And it's the adventures of Ford Fairlane.

Elliott Kalan

[40:24] This thing – this camera takes you up –

[40:27] The adventures of Pluto Nash.

[40:28] It takes you up out of the mundane world of every now and up into the sky into a magical place where the toy is constantly playing starring Richard Fryer.

[40:37] Yeah.

[40:39] Here's Beastmaster.

[40:40] Miami Blues is playing.

[40:42] And now that we've lifted you, now that you've ascended to the heavens like unto the rapture, here's Dream On starring Brian Ben-Ben.

Stuart Wellington

[40:50] Still not on HBO Max.

[40:52] Enjoy Hot to Trot.

[40:55] I will enjoy that shit.

[41:00] Yeah, I will.

[41:01] I'm a kid.

[41:01] I don't know it's bad.

[41:02] I don't know either.

[41:03] It's got two things I love, a talking animal and fucking bobcat.

[41:07] And people who are hot to try.

Elliott Kalan

[41:10] Now, do you think the producers of that movie that there was an old man who was like, we want to do a talking movie about a talking horse with bobcat Goldswede.

[41:18] A talking horse and a talking bobcat?

[41:20] Yeah, make the movie.

[41:21] And then he saw it and he was like, wait, the bobcat's a guy?

S5

[41:25] Get this.

[41:25] It's called Hot to Trot.

[41:27] Get it?

[41:27] Because I'm a horse.

Dan McCoy

[41:29] Now, I was going to say, like, this is a lovely.

[41:32] The hot part, of course, is bobcat in this case.

Elliott Kalan

[41:35] I don't know.

[41:36] Horses are an inherently sexy animal.

[41:38] It's those haunches.

Stuart Wellington

[41:39] So bobcat's the one that trots?

[41:41] I don't fucking think so, Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[41:44] I would say that these, like, look, I would watch these commercials too, Elliot.

[41:51] And I would be like, man, if I only could have these cool sets that they're playing in, like, that would be so cool.

[41:59] But it didn't even need to.

[42:02] What I'm trying to get to is it didn't even need to be, like, these nice city sets.

[42:06] Like, I would watch these G.I. Joe commercials, whatever, or they'd be like, they'd, like, have, like, rocks arranged, like, artistically.

[42:14] And maybe there'd be, like, some water.

[42:16] There'd be, like, a pool of water.

[42:18] And I'd be like, awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[42:20] Yeah, there's always, like, a little river and, like, a fort made out of sticks and things that they could blow apart with missiles.

[42:25] And I didn't know how to make that stuff as a kid.

[42:27] But I felt like this was the – what was weird about that was – so the way my child mind worked was those G.I. Joe commercials, I was like, some kid made that.

[42:34] And they're better at it than me.

[42:35] And these Ghostbusters ads, I'd be like, well, no kid made this.

[42:38] They bought it.

[42:39] Somebody bought this for them.

[42:40] And I want it.

[42:41] Because if you can buy it, I can have it as long as I've got the green.

[42:44] And that's how I got into the vice industry just to feed my Ghostbusters realistic building habit.

Dan McCoy

[42:50] First you get the money.

[42:51] Then you get the power.

[42:52] Then you get the Ghostbusters sets.

Elliott Kalan

[42:56] Yeah.

[42:57] Oh, child – oh, just memories.

[42:58] So let's move on.

[42:59] So that's number three.

[43:00] We've got two more left.

[43:01] Let's go through – the second one, this is my second favorite movie toy of all time.

[43:04] Oh, classic.

[43:05] This is a classic one.

[43:06] This is a classic one.

[43:07] Stuart, what is it?

[43:08] Tell me what it is, Stu.

[43:09] It's Rocky the Meat.

[43:13] So this is a toy.

[43:14] Unlike some of the other ones on here, I actually own this.

[43:17] I still have it in my garage.

[43:18] It was given to me as a gift by, I believe, our former coworker, Daniel Radosh.

Dan McCoy

[43:23] No, it was given by me.

Elliott Kalan

[43:25] What the fuck?

[43:25] I know, I know.

[43:26] I know, I know.

[43:27] Oh, God.

[43:28] You got me.

[43:29] I wanted you to get mad.

[43:30] I wanted you to get mad.

[43:31] Yeah, Dan gave me this.

[43:32] I was like, you got the dance wrong.

[43:33] Yeah, Dan gave me this.

[43:35] And it is from the Rocky line where they were like, you know what?

[43:39] We're just going to make one of the meat that he punches, that he practices on.

[43:42] And it is a package.

[43:43] It's just a side of beef and then a bloody butcher's apron that you could put on the Rocky figure.

[43:49] And my favorite thing about it is it just says – it doesn't say side of beef or like punching exercise.

[43:54] It just says the meat in big letters.

Dan McCoy

[43:56] Yeah, because they're like, what does Arby's have?

[43:59] It's got this.

[44:01] Rocky's the meat.

Stuart Wellington

[44:03] That's the moral.

[44:05] There's also a date on here.

Elliott Kalan

[44:09] November 21st, 1976.

[44:11] So all the Rocky figures, they had dated on it which movie they were from basically.

[44:16] They would say that which Rocky movie they were from and what year that movie was from.

[44:21] So that just shows you this is the original Rocky, you know?

[44:24] The famous meat.

[44:25] Oh, I like that.

Stuart Wellington

[44:26] What I love – yeah, specifically it's listed 21st of November, 1976.

[44:30] The meat versus Rocky Balbo.

[44:32] So in the case the meat gets top billing.

Elliott Kalan

[44:35] Well, and because you know why?

[44:36] Because the meat won on points technically.

[44:38] Yeah, technically.

[44:39] Rocky got the TKO, but the meat won on points in the end.

[44:42] The judges were in the meat's pocket.

[44:43] The rumble and the meat locker.

[44:46] And what I like about this too is it is a Star Wars level of making an action figure out of anything.

[44:51] Yeah.

[44:52] Anything that could be made into a figure.

[44:53] But for Rocky, a series that has never been, I think, a particularly kid-friendly film series, you know?

[45:01] But anyway, the meat.

[45:02] You can't ask for anything better than a side of beef action figure.

[45:06] Or can you – let's scroll down to number one for my favorite toys from a movie.

[45:11] Now, again, this is a little bit cheap because these are not real toys.

[45:14] But these are – this is the My Dinner with Andre action figures from the movie Waiting for Guffman, which are –

[45:21] like the joke in it is, well, they just sit there and talk, right?

[45:24] Yeah, that's what I want my action figures to do.

[45:25] I can get action figures that fight ghosts or superheroes or whatever,

[45:29] but two figures that understand the importance of a good conversation and a good meal, that's hard to find.

[45:35] It's incredible, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:36] You want an action figure like Andre Gregory who's going to come in and tell you about some, like,

[45:42] bullshit spiritual experience he had across the world.

[45:45] And you're like, that sounds interesting, but I enjoy sleeping under my electric blanket.

Elliott Kalan

[45:50] I mean, yeah, that's – I mean, the one that I really want is the Wallace Shawn figure

[45:53] because finally an action figure who just listens, who's curious about what I have to say,

[45:56] who knows the questions that will get me out of my shell, you know.

[46:01] So, guys, what would you do with your My Dinner with Andre figures if you were playing with them?

[46:05] What scenario would you put them in?

Dan McCoy

[46:09] Well, they would have probably dinner together in some form.

Elliott Kalan

[46:13] Okay, so sticking pretty much to the template of the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[46:16] You know, yeah, well –

[46:17] Well, I would say just like with my G.I. Joe figures,

[46:20] I would test the limits of the physicality and the flexibility of these figures.

[46:24] I'd stretch them and pull them and see –

[46:28] I would take them to the edges of pleasure and pain.

Elliott Kalan

[46:32] Okay, interesting.

[46:33] Where that intersects, you know.

[46:35] Now, the thing is I wish these were real figures

[46:37] because I want to see them in that package that says ages four and up

[46:40] for the Wallace Shawn figure

[46:42] and to know that some kid would get it in the –

[46:45] some kid's grandma went to this toy store.

[46:48] It was the day before Christmas.

[46:50] The shells were cleared out except for this one Wallace Shawn figure.

[46:53] And it gets brought to this kid and it's the most magical Christmas.

[46:56] And they strap Wallace Shawn to a model rocket and shoot it up into the sky.

[47:01] And Wallace Shawn finally achieves his dream of going into outer space.

[47:04] Did you guys know that was his dream?

[47:06] I didn't.

[47:07] I just learned now.

[47:07] I just assume it is.

[47:08] He's never said it, but I get a real wants to go into space vibe from him.

Dan McCoy

[47:12] I figure he just wants to, you know, produce the best production of Chekhov that has ever happened.

[47:19] Fair.

[47:20] In space.

[47:21] In space, yeah.

[47:22] It's easier to do Chekhov without gravity.

[47:25] Jason X plus The Cherry Orchard starring Wallace Shawn.

[47:32] As Jason?

[47:34] I don't know, man.

[47:36] I'm just the money man.

[47:37] Jason is the star.

Elliott Kalan

[47:38] Yeah.

[47:39] So, guys, thank you for joining me on this little trip down my favorite movie-based action figures from the Gremlins toys of my youth to the Star Wars George Lucas's family toys of my young adulthood until today.

[47:53] My love of my dinner with Andre and my wish to reenact it in toy form.

Stuart Wellington

[47:58] I really appreciate it.

[47:59] Ellie, do you think they're ever going to make a movie where Jason kills a fuckload of Argonauts?

Elliott Kalan

[48:05] Oh, you know that they should.

[48:07] They should make-

Stuart Wellington

[48:08] He's not Jason.

[48:09] Jason Voorhees.

Elliott Kalan

[48:09] I mean, Jason from Jason and the Argonauts, he merely-

[48:11] Yeah, he was on the same team.

[48:14] I mean, he's an asshole.

[48:16] He is famously an asshole.

[48:17] He's terrible with Medea.

[48:19] He seduces Medea into killing her family, you know.

[48:22] But I feel like they're leaving money on the table to not do Jason and the Argonauts, and Jason Voorhees has been hurled backwards in time to antiquity.

[48:30] And just on the loose, just going after- I mean, you have to have a scene where- I know it's conflating time periods, but nobody cares.

[48:36] You have to have a scene where Socrates is like on trial, and then Jason chops his head off or something like- or like Jason stabs Julius Caesar, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[48:44] Jason takes the Argonauts.

[48:46] Mm-hmm.

[48:47] Yep.

[48:47] Jason is inside the Trojan horse.

Elliott Kalan

[48:50] Yeah.

[48:50] Oh, that would be amazing.

[48:51] And they're like, oh, let's bring this horse in here.

[48:52] And he just busts out, and he's just slashing people's heads left and right.

[48:56] Jason goes to Hades.

Stuart Wellington

[48:58] Yep.

[48:58] And Achilleus is like, oh, I can beat this dude.

[49:01] And then Jason stabs him in the ankle with a machete, and he just fucking dies.

Elliott Kalan

[49:06] Yeah.

[49:06] Oh, this- you know what?

[49:07] Okay.

[49:09] That's what the mini should have been about.

[49:10] Everybody go and erase your memories of this mini.

[49:12] We're going to do a new mini that's all about Jason versus the Argonauts.

[49:15] And every character from ancient Greek and Roman myth and history.

[49:20] But, guys, I'm glad we could all hang out together tonight.

[49:23] If you'd like to hear more of us talking about toys or just anything in particular, tune in tonight, 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific, the Flophouse live show.

[49:32] We're going to talk about Masters of the Universe.

[49:34] I will talk more about toys, specifically He-Man toys and other toys related to said He-Man toys.

[49:40] Some of my very true real-life embarrassing memories will be said.

[49:44] And it's all for only $10.

[49:46] And Dan and Stu have some real surprises lined up that I don't know what they are.

[49:49] They're even surprises to me, and I'm excited about it.

[49:51] So go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[49:53] Again, that's theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[49:55] And join us, won't you, tonight with Masters of the Universe.

[49:59] And if you can't make it the night that this is released, get your ticket anyway, because you can still watch the video for one week only.

[50:05] One week only.

[50:06] One week only.

[50:08] Like in Dreamgirls, but it's a week instead of a night.

[50:10] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[50:11] Oh, I get it.

[50:11] Yeah, sure.

Elliott Kalan

[50:13] No, it's cool.

[50:13] Yeah, it's cool.

Dan McCoy

[50:14] For the Flophouse, I've been Elliot Kalin.

[50:17] I've been Dan McCoy.

[50:21] It's me, Stuart Willington.

Elliott Kalan

[50:24] Wishing you champagne wishes and toy dreams.

[50:28] Good night, everybody.

[50:30] Night.

FH Mini 51 - Talkin' Toys with T'Elliott

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