FH Mini 55 - The Fruit Group, with Chris Weitz

[0:00] Hey there and welcome to another Flophouse Manny brought to you by Minnie's Bar and Maniac

[0:09] of New York.

[0:10] This is an episode of the Flophouse podcast that unlike a full episode where we watch

[0:15] a bad movie and talk about, this is one of our Manny's where we talk about something

[0:19] kind of whatever the fuck we want to talk about.

[0:22] Now for example, this would normally be the time where I would be hosting a game show

[0:25] called Skeet, Scoot, Scare It! where I would give my friends like challenging questions

[0:33] where they would have to guess whether or not the movie features Skeet Ulrich, Scoot

[0:38] McNary or Tom Skerritt and if they got it wrong they would be kicked out of the podcast

[0:43] forever.

[0:44] But we're not going to be playing that game tonight.

[0:46] High Stakes!

[0:47] That's what people are into these days.

[0:49] It's a squid game.

[0:50] Those are amazing Skeet, Scoot, what was the other one?

[0:53] Scare It!

[0:54] Stakes.

[0:55] The scariest thing about it is that if you get Scare It! wrong, I don't know where I

[0:59] was going with this.

[1:00] So.

[1:01] Scare It!

[1:02] Stories to tell in the dark.

[1:03] But instead, we're doing something completely different.

[1:05] We're doing something that I think we have, that I feel like our listeners have been begging

[1:08] for.

[1:09] I get tweets about this all the time.

[1:12] That's right.

[1:13] We're going to be talking tangerines and other tasty treats with the Flophouse fruit group.

[1:18] And joining us today, we have my guests, my guest host, Dan McCoy, Elliot Kalin, and

[1:26] the original fruit brood himself, Chris Weitz.

[1:28] Hey Chris, thanks for joining us.

[1:29] Hey, a very fruity evening to you three guys.

[1:33] The most natural and obvious fit for this bit, for reasons that I'm looking forward

[1:39] to finding out over the course of it.

[1:42] And the most obvious natural bit for the show to do, considering one third of the host hates

[1:47] fruit, refuses to eat them.

[1:49] The funniest part!

[1:53] So let's give a little background.

[1:55] First off, Chris, thank you so much for joining us.

[1:58] I'm very excited to talk to you about your background with fruit.

[2:02] But to give everybody a little bit of a heads up, I've become a little bit of a healthy

[2:06] boy in the last year or so.

[2:07] A big part of my life is eating fruit and nuts, but nuts are a different thing.

[2:12] We're going to be talking nuts in the nut house.

[2:14] Not going nuts.

[2:15] I think that's copyright Magic Tavern voice.

[2:18] But we'll talk about nuts another time.

[2:20] That's not tonight.

[2:21] Wait, Stu, actually, I have one nut-related thing.

[2:22] So I've been watching a lot of television, and they've been running a lot of ads for

[2:29] nuts.com, which is some kind of website where you can order nuts.

[2:32] Is that a nationwide thing, or is it just a California area business?

[2:37] Are you asking if the commercials are a California thing?

[2:40] If you turn on the TV on the East Coast, are you going to see a commercial for nuts.com?

[2:44] It's a worldwide web website, like they have.

[2:48] Yeah, that's what I wanted to ask.

[2:50] It's a statewide web website?

[2:52] Are you seeing this on streaming services, or are we talking old-fashioned?

[2:56] CNN, baby.

[2:57] TV.

[2:58] CNN.

[2:59] When I'm watching Stanley Tucci searching for Italy, nuts.com comes up a lot.

[3:03] It's not the ad that plays before your pornographic video.

[3:06] Has he found it yet?

[3:07] I haven't been watching.

[3:08] Did he get there?

[3:09] Oh, are you asking if Stanley Tucci found Italy?

[3:12] That's actually a good question.

[3:14] He's still looking for Italy.

[3:15] He's bringing spices from America to Italy.

[3:17] The last episode, he actually was in London, so I think he has not found Italy, or they

[3:21] ran out of budget.

[3:22] But he named it New Italy.

[3:24] He said, I dub thee New Italy.

[3:27] And said he would subdue the natives and get gold.

[3:31] Oh, yeah.

[3:32] He enslaved most of Parliament and then put them into the pasta mines to bring back what

[3:37] they needed.

[3:38] Very sad.

[3:39] So today's episode, I can't really answer that, because most of New York commercials

[3:44] are either online sports betting app ads or cars for kids.

[3:48] Can I add one more nut thing?

[3:49] Yeah.

[3:50] Actually, I wanted to.

[3:51] Yeah, yeah.

[3:52] We're taking a nut break.

[3:53] I always thought if I had a nut company, I would call it What Are You?

[3:58] So that then when you call them up, they would answer, what are you, nuts?

[4:01] What do you think, guys?

[4:02] Oh, fuck.

[4:03] That's good.

[4:04] That's good.

[4:05] What's your business model?

[4:06] That's it.

[4:07] That's it.

[4:09] Just the name.

[4:10] OK.

[4:11] Well, sharks, what do we think?

[4:12] Yeah.

[4:13] I mean, I like it.

[4:14] I'm all in, dog.

[4:15] I'll turn my chair around for it.

[4:16] Is that what you do in this show?

[4:17] Yeah, I don't know.

[4:18] I've never seen it.

[4:19] That was actually a shockingly good Mark Cuban impression right there.

[4:21] I like this business idea.

[4:22] Dog, throw him in the tank full of sharks.

[4:23] See if he gets out alive.

[4:24] Elliott saw one reality contest years ago.

[4:25] He assumes this is going to work.

[4:26] Yeah.

[4:27] I mean, I like it.

[4:29] I'll turn my chair around for it.

[4:30] Is that what you do in this show?

[4:31] Yeah.

[4:32] I don't know.

[4:33] I've never seen it.

[4:39] I mean, if Elliott was really trying to make this like a reality show, he'd be like, actually,

[4:48] Chris, I don't like that idea.

[4:51] I love it.

[4:52] Wow.

[4:53] God.

[4:54] You had me going there.

[4:55] Turned about.

[4:56] Kind of stressed me out for a little while.

[4:57] I'm glad that that pregnant pause I left didn't get filled with Elliott talking.

[5:02] I was convinced it was going to be.

[5:04] You know.

[5:05] No, no.

[5:06] It was.

[5:07] It was.

[5:08] And I decided to hold back from interrupting it and derailing it.

[5:10] That shows real growth.

[5:11] You know, I think, you know, this is this has happened more than once that we need to

[5:13] deal with the problem of pauses getting pregnant so easily.

[5:19] What are we going to do about it?

[5:20] It happened before.

[5:21] Topical.

[5:22] We got very topical.

[5:23] All of a sudden.

[5:24] It got very intense.

[5:25] So what are we talking about?

[5:26] Fruit.

[5:27] What's going on?

[5:28] OK.

[5:29] It was.

[5:30] Dan wants to get down to brass tacks and I am with you.

[5:31] So to give you a little bit of background, I've become a healthy boy.

[5:32] It's important to me.

[5:33] And I thought, who better to talk about fruit, one of the pillars of the food groups here

[5:42] than my buddy Chris Weitz, a guy who the last time we hung out, I was like, wouldn't it

[5:46] be funny if we did a podcast and talked fruit?

[5:50] Yeah.

[5:51] Well, so what's what's what's your connection to fruit?

[5:57] Why?

[5:58] What was it?

[5:59] It's actually a really good question.

[6:00] It is.

[6:01] It's an excellent question.

[6:02] And I've I've put together a little speech of about 40 minutes to answer it.

[6:09] I love it.

[6:10] Actually, I don't know.

[6:11] I got the I got the call.

[6:12] The bat, the flop signal went out a couple of days ago and I said, what's it going to

[6:19] be?

[6:20] Anything but fruit.

[6:21] And then lo and behold, it was fruit.

[6:22] So imagine my dismay now.

[6:27] Anybody who's trying to do a little bit of to excavate my Twitter account will find that

[6:33] about a week ago we were out drinking with the blank check boys and about 10 hours into

[6:39] drinking.

[6:40] I think I tweeted tonight is the point of a drunken or right now is the point of a drunken

[6:45] night where I'm a menace to everyone in my contacts list.

[6:48] And you know what?

[6:49] Chris Weitz, you're in my contacts list, buddy.

[6:52] Consider me menacing.

[6:54] So you have been drafted.

[6:55] No, it's great.

[6:56] I want I want to earn my way back from the joyless slog through my the story of my career.

[7:02] That was the last minute that I did with you.

[7:05] I thought that was very educational and also entertaining.

[7:07] Well, thank you.

[7:08] And educational.

[7:09] I would call it you and the other two guys on this podcast and I certainly will call

[7:16] it educational.

[7:18] So just to give you guys a little bit of a breakdown, just so that the listeners at home

[7:21] know what we're going to be getting into.

[7:23] We're going to break us also.

[7:25] So we know what we're getting.

[7:26] Oh, yeah.

[7:27] And so that you guys know what we're getting into to break down tonight's episode.

[7:30] I'm just going to give us some some some points.

[7:33] The first section is going to be called is called everyday snacking fruit that is part

[7:38] of your daily diet.

[7:42] Chapter two is baked in a pie fruit that is perfect for dessert.

[7:47] Wait a second.

[7:50] Chapter three fruit on film.

[7:53] The main attraction is fruit.

[8:00] That's all part of this.

[8:01] It's part of the same time.

[8:02] That was one part three.

[8:03] I think that was the slogan, the tagline.

[8:07] Chapter four, reversal of fortunes.

[8:11] Times change.

[8:12] And so do our taste buds.

[8:13] What fruit did you use to love and never eat?

[8:16] And what do you hate now that you love growing up?

[8:19] Who knows?

[8:21] And then we didn't want to call that reversal of fortunes.

[8:24] Fuck.

[8:25] Alex, change it.

[8:26] Change it.

[8:27] Real quick.

[8:28] Yeah, I guess.

[8:29] Snip out Elliott saying over and over again.

[8:33] OK.

[8:34] And then finally, we're going to wrap it up with part five.

[8:36] That's right.

[8:37] We're going to do an all time top five fave fruits.

[8:39] This is our definitive ranking based on all the important categories.

[8:44] The feel, flavor, ease of consumption, appearance, wild card.

[8:53] Yeah.

[8:54] Yeah.

[8:55] OK.

[8:56] OK.

[8:57] So we know we're in for.

[8:58] So let's start with the first topic, fellows.

[9:01] Chapter one, everyday snacking.

[9:03] Fruit that's part of your daily diet.

[9:04] So Elliott, I have a feeling I know your answer.

[9:07] Guys, what kind of fruits do you guys eat on a daily basis?

[9:13] Finally, someone asking the hard questions.

[9:17] I'll say that I'm also, you know, on on the first, you know, leg of a journey to become

[9:24] a healthy boy.

[9:25] So I love this.

[9:26] Keeping, you know, fruit around like here's the here's the right now you're just looking

[9:30] at fruit.

[9:31] You're just having it around you and looking at it.

[9:33] Here's the keeping it around.

[9:34] Part of it is.

[9:35] I've been doing a lot of acclimating myself to fruit by having it around in the apartment.

[9:42] I mean, you you joke, but that's almost exactly what I was about to say, because like the

[9:46] thing is, you got to have the food around the I got to have the good food around to

[9:51] replace the bad food.

[9:52] It's not like I'm going to eat less food, guys.

[9:54] Let's be frank.

[9:55] I like I've gotten too used to put I'm going to be.

[9:58] I'm sorry.

[10:00] Still refusing to be frank.

[10:02] Good stance.

[10:04] Know thyself.

[10:05] So do you let the fruit get closer to you every day?

[10:08] Like, first, is this 10 feet away?

[10:10] If I see fruit around...

[10:12] Look, seeing fruit is this first step to eating fruit.

[10:15] So if I need a healthy breakfast...

[10:17] I mean, it's a very first step.

[10:19] A very first step.

[10:20] You know, and if there's a banana on the counter,

[10:22] I'm gonna have the banana instead of something else.

[10:24] So Dan is introducing an interesting idea,

[10:26] which is that blind people can't eat fruit,

[10:28] according to Dan.

[10:29] If seeing the fruit is the first step,

[10:31] then they can't even get on boards.

[10:32] They can't get in on the ground floor.

[10:34] I didn't say it's a necessary step.

[10:36] It's a step in my life,

[10:38] on the road to eating fruit.

[10:41] Could you fool yourself

[10:43] by sort of secreting it into other things,

[10:46] like inside of a meatloaf or something?

[10:48] Like a banana?

[10:49] That's a good question.

[10:50] Or a banana inside a burger?

[10:51] Oh, I thought you were gonna say

[10:52] fool yourself by looking at a banana

[10:53] and then reaching for a candy bar,

[10:55] but you're not looking at it,

[10:56] but you're still reaching for it, blindly.

[10:58] I think the effects of putting something

[11:00] that's not very calorically dense

[11:02] into something very calorically dense,

[11:04] like, you're gonna take down the overall density,

[11:07] but better just to replace the meatloaf

[11:10] with something else.

[11:11] I mean, I feel like it's not uncommon

[11:13] for a meatloaf to feature, like, raisins or prunes.

[11:17] I mean, I feel like those are like a binding

[11:19] or a flavor agent, no?

[11:21] Yeah, I think what's raising an interesting question, too,

[11:23] is who's eating meatloaf as a snack?

[11:25] Which is what the banana would be.

[11:27] That's actually true.

[11:28] A banana's not a meal unless you're a monkey.

[11:30] A banana's a meal replacement.

[11:31] I, you know, I have most days...

[11:33] Like a meatball is a snack.

[11:35] I have a hard-boiled egg for breakfast

[11:37] and then possibly also a banana,

[11:39] if I'm lucky.

[11:41] If I'm lucky, guys.

[11:42] Wait, do you eat your egg on, like, a little cup?

[11:44] Like, one of those little, like, egg cups?

[11:46] Oh, it's a hard-boiled egg.

[11:47] And you crack it.

[11:48] Okay.

[11:49] That's for a soft-boiled.

[11:50] Oh, God, I feel like an idiot.

[11:52] I'm the only one who's making any effort

[11:54] to engage with the questions here.

[11:56] You could dip a little Toast Point into it.

[11:59] Like, if you crack open a soft-boiled,

[12:01] you can dip a Toast Point in it.

[12:02] But instead, you could dip in some kind of fruit,

[12:05] like a wedge of pecan to the yolk.

[12:10] I mean, if we're talking about everyday fruit,

[12:13] of course, I have pineapple or oranges in the morning.

[12:17] And then throughout the day, I eat mangoes,

[12:19] dried mangoes, watermelon, and pears.

[12:25] I have a banana.

[12:26] I have one to two bananas before working out.

[12:30] Sorry, I was jumping in there,

[12:31] but dried mangoes are very sugary, right?

[12:34] Because once you remove the water,

[12:36] then you're looking at some damage.

[12:38] Yeah, that's true.

[12:40] Yeah, I mean, I got to have a treat, though, you know?

[12:43] Yeah.

[12:44] I'm worth it.

[12:45] After some fully hydrated mangoes,

[12:49] a nice treat like a dried mango is good.

[12:51] Talk about caloric density.

[12:53] You're removing all of the stuff that makes it fill you up

[12:56] without causing calories.

[12:59] I mean, the point of the Flubhouse Fruit Group

[13:01] is not to talk about the benefits of fruit,

[13:04] but just how good and how tasty it is.

[13:06] I see.

[13:07] And how easy to eat sometimes.

[13:08] Dried mango is a very good, tasty fruit.

[13:11] The hedonism, though, Stu, of your fruit lifestyle

[13:15] to be like my everyday morning fruit is pineapple.

[13:20] That's true.

[13:22] You're right, Dan.

[13:23] Really take him to task for that one.

[13:25] Do you slice the hard rind off your pineapple

[13:29] or do you buy pre-cut in a plastic tub?

[13:33] Or you just take a bite out of a pineapple shell.

[13:36] That's actually a good question, Elliot.

[13:38] Now, Chris is making me reveal that I spend more money on pineapple

[13:43] by buying the plastic pre-cut stuff

[13:46] because I've never actually cut my own pineapple before.

[13:49] It's fun.

[13:50] Like Audrey showed me how to do it with the minimum of waste.

[13:53] You end up with a spiral around the pineapple

[13:56] because you've got to get all the little nubbins.

[13:59] What, barbs?

[14:00] Yes, the bits.

[14:01] Yeah, the barbs.

[14:02] At the risk of being a curmudgeon,

[14:04] I'm going to say that does not sound fun.

[14:07] Come on.

[14:08] You get a spiral cut.

[14:10] Wait, you guys.

[14:11] Films.

[14:12] Films.

[14:13] The Draftsman's Contract.

[14:14] You guys seen that?

[14:15] There's an intense pineapple moment at the end.

[14:18] The movie's called The Draftsman's Contract.

[14:20] Is that Peter Greenaway?

[14:21] Peter Greenaway.

[14:22] The Draftsman's Contract, yeah.

[14:23] That's one of his that I've not seen.

[14:25] I think it might be his best because the other ones kind of stink.

[14:28] But yeah, at the end.

[14:30] This is what the listeners tune in for

[14:32] for these hot takes on Peter Greenaway.

[14:34] Spoiler alert.

[14:35] At the end, the guy who has been the living statue

[14:39] takes a bite of the pineapple

[14:41] because it's all set in the 17th century.

[14:44] Anyway, pineapples were very, very impressive and expensive at the time.

[14:47] He takes a bite of the pineapple then,

[14:49] but he bites right into the hard, nubbly bit

[14:52] and spits it out because he doesn't understand

[14:55] the nature of the pineapple.

[14:56] Yeah.

[14:57] If only it had a Dan McCoy there to cut it up perfectly.

[15:01] Spiral it out for him.

[15:03] Now, Dan, part of it is I feel like you're

[15:06] I feel like now that I

[15:08] when I come over to record, your wife often

[15:11] Audrey often offers me various fruit.

[15:15] Is she encouraging this lifestyle shift for you?

[15:20] If the lifestyle shift you're talking about is being hospitable to guests,

[15:25] then yes, that's what I was asking.

[15:27] And the pineapple is the fruit of hospitality.

[15:29] Yeah.

[15:30] I mean, I'm the grumpy one who's like,

[15:34] he's got his own fruit.

[15:36] He doesn't need to eat a pineapple.

[15:38] He gets fruit all the time.

[15:39] Don't waste your good fruit.

[15:43] Well, that's lovely.

[15:44] So I think that covers all of our everyday snacking.

[15:47] Elliot, do you got anything to add here?

[15:49] Do you feed your kids fruit or do you just give them what?

[15:52] Like fried toast points?

[15:54] Mostly it's fried toast points.

[15:56] I have a deep fat fryer and I put toast points in it.

[15:59] Yeah.

[16:00] Yeah, kids love that.

[16:01] My I guess maybe longtime listeners will know I don't like fruit.

[16:05] I think it's gross.

[16:06] I don't it doesn't isn't good to me.

[16:08] But as my children never, never fail to remind me,

[16:11] cucumbers are technically a fruit because they have seeds on the inside.

[16:15] So I do eat a lot of cucumber in my daily life.

[16:18] I do love that your children take after you.

[16:20] Yeah.

[16:21] My children are very much like me and that they are constantly correcting me

[16:24] and are annoying when they do it.

[16:26] And but my children need a lot of fruit, especially my younger one,

[16:29] the the almost four year old constant fruit.

[16:32] So I find myself handling a lot of fruit,

[16:34] like peeling oranges, which I find disgusting.

[16:36] And I have to do with my when you like dig in with your fingernails to rip

[16:39] the peel open and it gets under your fingernail.

[16:41] Oh, I hate it.

[16:42] But lately he's been on a real cherry kick.

[16:44] So I'm doing a lot of pitting cherries and getting cherry juice splattering on

[16:48] me as I as I pit them.

[16:50] I do like to use I'd like to use the cherry pitting machine because it's like

[16:53] one of those things that Jeremy Irons had made for gynecology for mutant women

[16:58] in Dead Ringers.

[16:59] That's what I imagine that tool is like.

[17:01] Let's see what we're going to say.

[17:02] I was going to first off, I was going to say,

[17:04] I don't know what a cherry pitting machine is at all.

[17:06] Well, it's not really a machine.

[17:08] I mean, it's a simple machine.

[17:09] It just pushes the pit out.

[17:11] It's like a hole punch, but for a cherry.

[17:12] Oh, OK.

[17:13] That makes sense.

[17:14] Like a leather punch, but for a cherry.

[17:16] Top tip for listeners.

[17:18] You can use a straw for that as well.

[17:22] In case you don't want to get a little cherry.

[17:24] That's the kind of tip you only get on a Blockhouse Manny or at a fruit club.

[17:29] Did I ever tell you guys that I sent in a tip to Cooks Illustrated?

[17:33] No!

[17:35] No?

[17:36] I want that issue.

[17:38] I don't know if any of you read Cooks Illustrated, but there's a—

[17:42] My father-in-law is a big reader of Cooks Illustrated,

[17:45] so they're always lying around.

[17:46] I'm actually a subscriber.

[17:48] Well, the tips section in the front, you will know, is like—

[17:52] That magazine is barely illustrated.

[17:54] Silliest.

[17:55] Well, those are the most illustrations.

[17:57] The tips, they've got all these line drawings because it's a very important cooking magazine,

[18:02] so there's line drawings.

[18:04] But all the tips are, like, making things so much harder.

[18:08] And, like, I mean, in the same spirit, I gave them a tip of mine that was, like—

[18:14] Honestly, looking back, I'm like, why did I waste my time on this?

[18:17] But I would—

[18:19] When I made iced tea, I would string the strings of the tea through the hooks of a slotted spoon

[18:25] so I would have, like, a nice little, like, tea bundle that I could pull all of the tea out,

[18:30] and it was an easy way of doing it.

[18:33] Saving you milliseconds.

[18:35] I mean, not the time that you took to thread the tea strings through.

[18:38] I'll tell you, it may not have saved me a lot of time,

[18:41] but it did save me the money of a year's worth of Cook's Illustrated

[18:46] because I got a free subscription off that tip.

[18:48] Oh, that's worth it. That's great.

[18:50] That's great.

[18:52] Oh, man, so what issue was that?

[18:55] So eagle-eyed listeners can go—

[18:58] I don't know. Eagle-eyed listeners go back.

[19:00] It's several years back.

[19:02] If I had done that, I would know exactly the issue and the month and everything.

[19:05] Yeah. I'm surprised you don't have the page framed on your wall, Dan.

[19:08] I have a photo of it somewhere. I don't know.

[19:11] That's cool. Like a Polaroid?

[19:13] On my phone. Not like—I didn't frame a photo.

[19:17] I once got a trap entered into Grimtooth's Traps, Volume 2, published by Flying Buffalo.

[19:25] That's very cool, dude.

[19:28] It's pretty cool, right?

[19:29] What was the trap?

[19:31] It was—well, okay, first of all, I was 13 years old, and it was a—

[19:37] I think it wouldn't have been fair.

[19:39] It wouldn't have been fair if, as an adult, you submitted it.

[19:42] It's true.

[19:43] Because you're competing with children and you're a professional screenwriter.

[19:45] Yeah, the brainpower I would have brought to bear.

[19:47] It was a balsa wood dragon, right?

[19:49] The trap was a balsa wood dragon, and inside would be the real sort of monsters like, you know, what have you, orcs, kobolds, etc.

[19:57] And so, like, when the—

[20:00] Yeah, when the adventurers would go and attack it with swords, if they did,

[20:03] swords would get stuck in the balsa wood and then the orcs would burst out

[20:08] with the element of surprise.

[20:10] That's a good trap.

[20:11] That's a good trap.

[20:12] And, you know, feel free to use it.

[20:14] Years ago, I got a fan letter published an issue of Savage Dragon.

[20:19] That's pretty cool.

[20:21] Oh, yeah. I once I once had a fan letter printed an issue of Wolverine.

[20:26] What was the letters page in Wolverine?

[20:27] Because in Savage Dragon, it was fin addicts.

[20:31] Oh, I don't know what the Wolverine was.

[20:33] It's probably like snake stamps or something like that.

[20:35] I don't remember being a particularly good title.

[20:37] Yeah, well, we've all defined what flavor of nerd we are.

[20:40] OK, so moving on, I think it was like I'm the best there is at what I do

[20:45] and what I do is write letters to Wolverine.

[20:48] That makes sense.

[20:50] So chapter two is baked in a pie fruit that is perfect for dessert.

[20:54] What kind of a dessert confection like what kind of fruit addition to a

[20:58] dessert encourages you to order that dessert from a menu?

[21:03] Dan, you're the baker of the group.

[21:04] What kind of dessert?

[21:05] What kind of fruit do you like when you are baking?

[21:10] You know what?

[21:10] I a peach is a good.

[21:13] I think it was a good.

[21:18] I find that peaches are good baking like stone fruit in general because

[21:22] like the thing about stone fruit is if you get something perfectly in

[21:27] season, perfectly ripe, it's going to be delicious.

[21:30] That's a very small window.

[21:32] But if you put it in a pie or a cobbler or a grunt or a crisp, what's a

[21:38] grunt?

[21:38] What is a grunt?

[21:40] I'm familiar with the Brothers Grunt.

[21:42] I know what it's like.

[21:44] It's closer to a cobbler.

[21:46] Let's see.

[21:47] Wasn't a Russell Crowe's like hip-hop band called something?

[21:51] Something off feet of grunts.

[21:53] It was 30-odd foot of grunt.

[21:54] I think a grunt might be the one that has just biscuits.

[21:57] Was that a sexual thing?

[21:59] Like it's 30-odd feet of grunt.

[22:02] Russell Crowe?

[22:03] I always imagined whether it was like everything Russell Crowe's such a

[22:06] sexual being that it's hard to imagine it wasn't.

[22:08] But yeah, it's basically like you're dropping dumplings on top of your

[22:13] fruit.

[22:14] That's what I say when I have to use the bathroom.

[22:16] So you like stone fruit, peaches.

[22:23] Yeah, and it's you know, it's boring.

[22:25] Another fruit that like don't care for an apple most of the time usually

[22:30] mealy unless you get like a good cooking fruit as well.

[22:36] My kids they go through a lot of apples and that's one of my favorite

[22:41] fruits to have to handle for them because it's you know, it's less

[22:43] less sticky and gross.

[22:44] Yeah, right.

[22:46] Do they have a do your kids have a favorite type of apple?

[22:49] No, no.

[22:53] Is it because they don't know or because you intentionally hide that

[22:56] there are different types of apples from them?

[22:58] I don't want them to go further down that road.

[23:01] Yeah, the road that you've gone down in which Dan has started to go down

[23:04] by looking at fruit in his own home.

[23:06] Yeah, there's no way back.

[23:06] I'm Sam Neill and Event Horizon at this point.

[23:09] Just ripping your own eyes out because you've seen too many fruit.

[23:13] Yeah, the debauched world of being able to distinguish between different

[23:17] kinds of Apple my my middle child Paolo specializes in asking for an

[23:23] apple just when it's time to go to bed.

[23:27] Oh, that's a favorite.

[23:28] That's a favorite of Sammy's also nice.

[23:30] He's getting into bed.

[23:31] He goes, oh suddenly I'm hungry.

[23:33] Can I have an apple?

[23:35] It's like, well, it's a healthy food.

[23:37] I guess we can't say no and he's like like if you didn't ask before I

[23:40] didn't I wasn't hungry before.

[23:42] But I brushed my teeth already like he brings that out.

[23:46] Is it?

[23:46] I guess I'll have to be conscious again.

[23:49] Yeah.

[23:50] Oh, and how much longer is it past my bedtime?

[23:52] Oh, wow.

[23:54] No, man, but hey kids, you gotta love kids.

[23:58] I was about to say so when it comes to dessert, you know, I was about to

[24:05] say a pistachio, but that would be a nut and nut is not a fruit is

[24:12] I do like I do like strawberry, especially if strawberry is mixed

[24:21] with my old pal rhubarb.

[24:23] I'm sorry.

[24:23] I was going to jump in there and say rhubarb, but I didn't want to spoil

[24:26] it for you.

[24:26] How did I forget?

[24:27] Strawberry rhubarb pie is my favorite of all.

[24:29] What if strawberry was mixed with Rue McClanahan?

[24:32] Would you feel the same way?

[24:33] Oh man, that'd be extra spicy.

[24:36] Now, here's it's actually this is important that I get to this.

[24:43] I was going to say blueberry, but also I you may notice that I forgot

[24:47] to answer the previous question and you know, it would have been

[24:50] blueberries.

[24:51] So just yeah, it's it's a pattern.

[24:53] It's it's interesting.

[24:55] You say that because blueberries is part of what I was going to say

[24:57] to you.

[24:57] Stuart says, what kind of dessert would you seeing fruit on the menu

[25:00] make you want to order it?

[25:01] I will actively not order a dessert when they list that fruit is

[25:05] part of it.

[25:05] And one time the only time I've ever eaten at the steak restaurant

[25:09] in Yankee Stadium as a dessert.

[25:12] It was like chocolate pudding and I was like, that's great.

[25:15] What can you do with that?

[25:15] That sounds fine.

[25:16] And I didn't find out till they delivered it that it was chocolate

[25:19] pudding with berries in the pudding.

[25:21] Just kind of haphazardly strewn without as if as if a great galley

[25:26] full of berries had been sunk by an invading Viking horde and those

[25:30] the berries manning the oars had just fallen into the pudding sea

[25:33] and so I then had to use my spoon to individually remove these

[25:37] berries and I could just see the level of the pudding going down as

[25:40] I removed so many berries from the bowl was so disappointing.

[25:44] Yeah, you feel like they were just really they're taking up a lot

[25:48] of real estate.

[25:48] They're filling in the with these cheap berries as compared to the

[25:52] chocolate pudding, which I can only assume was much cheaper.

[25:55] It was cheap.

[25:57] I mean the real issue is that I like eating chocolate pudding and

[25:59] I don't like eating berries.

[26:00] So it's like hey, we have the food you ordered.

[26:03] Here's a secret surprise.

[26:04] It's full of a thing.

[26:05] You don't like but we didn't say that on the menu unless you're

[26:09] saying that like they ran out of chocolate pudding and they were

[26:10] like we need some filler to help fill up this bowl quick.

[26:13] Hand me those berries.

[26:14] Everyone loves them and me that there's berries in this insulation.

[26:18] Yeah, they probably were like this kid needs some antioxidants stat.

[26:23] Let's throw some berries of that shit.

[26:25] That's possible.

[26:26] But there were a lot of blueberries in there.

[26:27] I I gotta I gotta I gotta go back guys under everyday snacking a

[26:33] big component of my meals is I have protein shakes.

[26:36] I take a vegan protein powder and I usually mix it with a banana a

[26:41] handful of blueberries for my antioxidants of us.

[26:44] I've already mentioned some peanut butter almond milk and almond

[26:48] once again almond milk not fruit.

[26:50] That's a nut.

[26:50] You just can't get away from nuts in this.

[26:52] I can't I'm trapped and ice and that's yeah.

[26:58] So I make I make a smoothie like that.

[27:01] Now I was speaking speaking of berries and also everyday snacking

[27:05] again.

[27:05] My kids love fruit.

[27:06] I don't but one thing I do bond with my younger child over is we

[27:10] have a mulberry bush in our yard and you go around and we go around

[27:14] it all around it early in the morning and but it's so it right now.

[27:19] We're in mulberry season and the mulberries ripen just a handful at

[27:24] a time and it's very fun to go with him and we hunt through the leaves

[27:26] together to get mulberries for him and he's small enough still that he

[27:30] can just walk into the inside of this mulberry bush and I'll just see

[27:32] the leaves shaking periodically and I know he's in there and then he'll

[27:35] just walk out covered in mulberry juice.

[27:38] How can you hate how can you hate fruit after that?

[27:41] I like the I like that my child enjoys it but I don't I still don't

[27:44] You should start a a silk industry by feeding mulberry leaves to some

[27:50] silkworms.

[27:51] Oh, yeah, that's a great idea.

[27:53] I mean, I'm already raising regular worms in my garage.

[27:55] Everybody needs a side hustle and I think this silkworm business actually

[28:04] I'd like to tell you a little bit about my smoothie habit, which is to

[28:08] use dark sweet cherries and I also have a song that I sing to my children

[28:11] which goes with them as I'm going to sing it for you right now.

[28:14] Yes, it goes dark sweet cherries dark sweet cherries dark sweet cherries.

[28:19] I ain't messing with no berries.

[28:22] Yeah, that's a good one.

[28:24] How do you and how do your children react to that song with delight?

[28:27] 50 times they remembered it but oh, that's because they're mostly tuning

[28:34] you out at that.

[28:35] Oh, and there's another one I did which was to the tune of it's beginning

[28:38] to look a lot like Christmas.

[28:40] It's beginning to look a lot like syphilis and they this is another

[28:46] mealtime.

[28:46] Yeah, but then the children remember that almost instantly and my wife

[28:50] Mercedes is really mad that I ever did that.

[28:53] Yeah, that's like any song parody that involves poop or something like

[28:56] that.

[28:57] The children pick it up very very quickly.

[28:59] Yeah, and yet my parody song 50 films with Danny Glover a parody of 50

[29:04] ways to leave your lover.

[29:05] They never remember.

[29:06] Yeah, I think they're calling these stories.

[29:14] Is already writing an angry letter into us dear sirs.

[29:18] Have I ever seen that someday?

[29:19] I'll have to sing that song on the other podcast 50 films with Danny

[29:22] Glover.

[29:22] I'll have to look up all the lyrics.

[29:23] Yeah, I like that.

[29:25] Here's part of the course.

[29:26] There's Lethal Weapon 3 Lee Lethal Weapon 4 Thor Lethal Weapon 2 Lou

[29:32] now listen to me.

[29:34] So you might think that he's in Thor which he's not though.

[29:40] There's only so many names that rhyme with is there a five Clive

[29:44] rhyme in there at any point?

[29:46] Well, it was there a Lethal Weapon 5.

[29:47] I don't think yeah, I think I didn't they make it a five.

[29:50] No, I guess I thought only went up to four tops out of four part four

[29:54] is the one with jelly, right?

[29:55] Yes, and part three is the one with the cop killer bullets.

[30:00] I don't really remember three that well.

[30:03] Which one is Diplomatic Immunity?

[30:05] That's part two.

[30:07] There's a proposed Lethal Weapon 5, but it's, you know...

[30:11] Oh, but they said no at the altar?

[30:13] Yeah.

[30:14] Wow, they waited all the way to the altar, so they agreed to the proposal,

[30:18] and they waited for the wedding to be planned, and then just...

[30:22] Yeah, oh wow, that's too bad, that happens.

[30:25] Thank you for the loose cannon.

[30:30] Okay, so I feel like, do we have any more thoughts on fruit as dessert, guys?

[30:34] Because all this movie talk has me hankering to do chapter three.

[30:39] That's right, we're talking fruit on film, where the real star of the show is...

[30:44] Fruit!

[30:47] Did you spell R-E-E-L?

[30:49] Yes.

[30:50] Oh, good.

[30:53] That's helpful to know.

[30:54] Obviously one of my favorite movies...

[30:57] This is our Peel-to-Real department.

[30:59] Yeah.

[31:01] One of my favorite movies also features...

[31:03] One of my favorite uses of fruit in a movie, that's right,

[31:06] the scene in Call Me By Your Name, where old Timmy Chalamet just jizzes all over that peach that's nuts.

[31:13] Yeah.

[31:15] You mentioned nuts again.

[31:17] I was thinking about it, because I was doing a bit of...

[31:19] Well, I was trying to do a bit of research into fruit in the movie, so I didn't...

[31:23] With going on almost no information for me, so I'm impressed.

[31:27] And actually, one of the fruit moments I remembered was from Call Me By Your Name.

[31:33] And I think...

[31:37] Okay, is it wrong to say it's a bit gross, even whether you're straight or gay or whatever,

[31:43] that when Armie Hammer eats the fruit which has been jizzed into it, that's a bit gross?

[31:49] I mean, I think it's a little...

[31:51] I feel like it's a little intense.

[31:53] Like, I don't know, I'm not going to kink-shame anyone, but the idea that you're...

[31:57] Yeah.

[31:59] At this point, I think it's like a...

[32:01] Any piece of food that has been fucked and then eaten is a little interesting.

[32:07] And actually, for me to say that is actually ridiculous.

[32:09] And I have to take it back, because of course, my career was made...

[32:13] Yeah, good point, good point.

[32:15] ...on fruit being...

[32:17] But you have intimate, professional knowledge of jizz inside of a fruit-based dessert.

[32:21] And again, I have to say, Chris, I don't...

[32:25] Whoever told you that about pie versus sexual intercourse, I don't understand.

[32:31] Okay, not for the first time in my life, may I say, that I did not write the script of American Pie.

[32:39] You did write The Naked Mile, though, right?

[32:41] I was just trying to...

[32:43] I live my life a naked quarter mile at a time.

[32:47] Um, Jericho Naked Mile.

[32:51] I imagine you were handed the script from...

[32:53] American Pie, the script was handed to you by the studio mogul.

[32:55] He goes, Chris, I got your next assignment right here.

[32:57] And you're reading through it, and you go, but boss, but boss, a vagina's nothing like a hotdog.

[33:03] Yeah, yeah, I thought it was like...

[33:05] We're giving wrong information to the youth of America.

[33:07] I thought it was like how Moses went up and came back with the script for American Pie.

[33:13] And he came back...

[33:15] I couldn't change it a bit.

[33:17] And all the Israelites were all having sex with a golden cow.

[33:21] And he said, no, no, guys, it's a pie.

[33:23] We've got to use the pie.

[33:25] It's a golden apple pie.

[33:27] My brother and I were just trying to deliver on the premise, you know.

[33:29] And so if there was going to be a scene in which a boy has sex with a pie, we were going to make it the best damn version of it we could.

[33:35] I mean, you have to include that scene because otherwise the name of the movie makes no sense.

[33:39] Well, actually, up until pretty late in the process, the studio wanted to call it Comfort Food.

[33:45] That's a terrible name.

[33:49] It's a pretty bad name, yeah.

[33:51] That's terrible. It doesn't even tell you what country it's from.

[33:53] Now, here's the thing about that call-me-by-your-name thing.

[33:57] Again, I've stated I don't like fruit.

[33:59] I don't enjoy it.

[34:01] Not that way.

[34:03] I've never eaten semen.

[34:05] But the fact that it is closer to meat makes that fruit a little bit more attractive to me.

[34:11] I've got to be honest.

[34:13] I'd rather eat an animal product of some kind.

[34:15] Yeah, you're in here first, folks.

[34:17] Yeah.

[34:19] This is the kind of – we're talking fruit after dark.

[34:21] This is the kind of hot talk we can get into.

[34:23] Yeah.

[34:25] Now, was there ever any argument with the studio, Chris, about what kind of pie it was going to be?

[34:29] Never.

[34:31] There were eventually with the M&M's.

[34:33] America's apple farmers were lobbying hard to get it to be an apple pie.

[34:37] Well, everyone was thinking about how with E.T., they should have used M&M's, but instead it was Reese's Pieces for various reasons.

[34:43] So I imagine there was a big fight over, yeah, what kind of pie – what's going to be the most iconic?

[34:49] If you use a meat pie, it kind of defeats the purpose.

[34:53] It's not a joke at that point.

[34:55] Well, there was a big pitch from Big Strawberry and Big Rhubarb.

[34:57] They came in together.

[34:59] Yeah, yeah.

[35:01] A perfect pair.

[35:03] And then the key lime people came in.

[35:05] They said, hey, what do we have to do to make this key lime pie?

[35:09] We're just going to leave this briefcase of money and pies on the table.

[35:13] It sounds like such an acidic pie to try and have.

[35:15] It took me a long time to figure out that like a key lime is a specific thing.

[35:21] Like it wasn't like – that like it was a lime pie that was key.

[35:27] Yeah. As a kid, I assumed the same thing.

[35:29] Yeah, there was a certain kind of lime pie.

[35:31] Well, that was – back in the 70s, they had key lime pie parties.

[35:37] Everyone brought a pie.

[35:39] Yeah.

[35:41] You had to put your key in a pie, and then everyone would pull keys out of the pie, and then you'd wash the keys because it was disgusting.

[35:48] Yeah, and then Elijah Wood gets hit with a lightning bolt or something, right?

[35:51] That's what happens.

[35:55] Exactly.

[35:58] I'm just telling you what I saw in the movies, and this is fruit on film.

[36:02] That's what we're talking about.

[36:04] That's why for the rest of the movie, he has magnetic powers.

[36:07] It's like Ernest goes to jail, right? That's the one where he gets –

[36:11] Ernest goes to jail, yeah.

[36:12] Yeah.

[36:13] That's the one where he gets magnetic powers from electricity, yeah.

[36:15] What a good movie.

[36:16] Not – as opposed to Ernest goes to American Pie, the one where Ernest has sex with a pie.

[36:20] He gets –

[36:21] I wouldn't put it past him.

[36:22] He keeps saying, feels like a vagina.

[36:24] You know what I mean, Vern?

[36:29] Okay.

[36:30] So that's been Fruit on Film.

[36:31] Any more favorite fruits in the movies?

[36:34] I wanted to give a shout-out to the classic moment in Public Enemy where James Cagney shoves a grapefruit into –

[36:41] I think it's May Clark's face.

[36:43] I could be wrong about that, and it was a very famous moment for a long time, and as a kid I didn't –

[36:48] as a teenager when I saw that, I didn't realize because I don't like fruit how much that would have hurt because it's, again, acidic.

[36:53] Quite acidic.

[36:54] It's an acidic fruit.

[36:55] It would have been really painful, not as painful as the hot coffee to the face from The Big Heat, a different gangster movie from about 20 years later, but still really painful.

[37:05] So James Cagney, I don't like that you did that.

[37:07] I know it's a fictional character that did it, and the whole point was that he's a muham, but still.

[37:11] I had a Fruit on Film thing which was oranges.

[37:14] Yes, please.

[37:15] Oranges and the godfather.

[37:17] Oh, yeah.

[37:18] It's a sign of impending doom or weakness.

[37:21] Yeah.

[37:22] Elliot, that must have really freaked you out when Marlon Brando uses some orange rind and puts it over his teeth.

[37:29] It's disgusting.

[37:30] When he puts it in his mouth, the thing goes – and then he dies, and it's like if I was doing that, I'd be like take me away now so I can get away from this orange peel.

[37:37] Kill me now.

[37:38] Sure.

[37:39] I don't want to – god, this is the moment.

[37:42] But I always feel bad for that kid because he has to assume that he caused it to happen.

[37:46] Oh, man.

[37:47] It's almost therapy for that kid, right?

[37:48] That poor kid.

[37:49] He doesn't seem bothered at the time though.

[37:51] So you think it was more the kid was like justice has been done.

[37:56] A notorious mobster is finally taken from us.

[37:59] Yeah, he was working for the FBI I think.

[38:02] Yeah, it's such a great movie, and I just wish he didn't put that orange peel in his mouth because I think it's so gross.

[38:09] Everything else about that movie is nearly perfect.

[38:11] The one flaw.

[38:12] I think in terms of pure square footage, we got to mention that giant peach from James and the Giant Peach.

[38:19] A fruit you can live in.

[38:21] And fly around.

[38:22] Full of bugs.

[38:23] I'm combining it with call me by your name in my mind.

[38:27] Well, if James was of a certain age, then that peach would have been filled with juice, but I think he's not quite old enough yet.

[38:36] I thought you were going to say, Dan, the tomatoes in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

[38:40] Those get pretty big after a certain point, right?

[38:42] Yeah.

[38:43] That's technically a fruit.

[38:44] Yeah.

[38:45] Not as big, I think, because I mean, you know what?

[38:48] I've never seen that.

[38:49] I can't speak to.

[38:50] I mean, that giant peach is pretty giant.

[38:52] That's why they mentioned it in the title so that people know going into it.

[38:55] They were like, we have to warn people how big this peach is or else they're going to be shocked.

[38:59] We don't want people having heart attacks in the theater when they realize how big the peach is.

[39:03] Yeah.

[39:04] So we're changing the title from James and the Peach to James and the Giant Peach.

[39:07] It'll be like people being scared that the train is coming through the screen at them.

[39:11] They're worried that the peach has actually reached that size.

[39:14] James and the Peach doesn't really move books off shelves, though.

[39:17] No.

[39:19] That's a good point.

[39:20] James and the Regular Style Peach.

[39:22] Yeah.

[39:23] It's just like there's a guy named James out there being like, what?

[39:26] This is just my regular day.

[39:28] What do I need to read this book for?

[39:30] It just had a peach.

[39:31] Well, that's the – I think Roald Dahl, he was like, James is what's going to sell the books.

[39:35] People are going to wonder who this James character is.

[39:37] It's like, no, no, no.

[39:39] Another fruit on film I've got to mention when Nicolas Cage says he can eat a peach for hours.

[39:44] We don't see it happening.

[39:46] But the image it conjures is gross.

[39:51] Oh, boy.

[39:53] Gross?

[39:55] It depends.

[39:56] Yeah, I mean –

[39:57] Dan, did you just say that you've never seen Attack of the Killer Tomato?

[40:00] I've never seen exactly have you seen return to the attack of the killer

[40:09] Yeah, you really got to understand the first film even though they do summarize it in the opening moments of return

[40:15] I tell people all the time if you're gonna watch return to attack of the killer tomatoes

[40:18] You gotta watch attack of the killer tomatoes. You gotta watch WandaVision

[40:21] You gotta watch some episodes the inhumans just to get some of that

[40:25] You gotta watch the two tomatoes a second in the trilogy because you know

[40:30] Tomato is returning

[40:32] Yeah, yeah eat tomato tambien, so

[40:39] Any any more

[40:41] Teenage boys and a tomato go on a journey of discovery not unlike the plot of return of the attack

[40:50] Yeah

[40:52] Okay, so at this point we got a little word from our sponsors and I'm gonna throw it over to Dan

[40:57] The

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[43:52] Hey, we also have a judge a jumbotron

[43:57] Chicago is a city built of brick, of course, but also of people history policy fashion and fire

[44:06] on a brick of Chicago walking tour

[44:10] You'll get up close with the buildings that define neighborhoods and hear the stories of the people

[44:15] The famous the infamous and the anonymous who made them what they are

[44:21] Afterwards, you'll never look at the built world or the humble brick the same way again

[44:28] Brick of Chicago tours have been named some of Chicago's best by PBS

[44:33] Curbed and the Chicago Reader

[44:36] so visit brick of

[44:39] Chicago.com to sign up for a tour and follow at brick of Chicago on Instagram having recently been to Chicago

[44:46] It's a fantastic town and definitely worth checking out. Yeah, Chicago is great. I like going there

[44:51] Hey guys, should we announce our big Chicago project?

[44:55] What's that? Sure. We don't have one. What should it be? Oh, oh, I don't know. We'll do it

[45:03] Yeah, maybe we'll do a show where we put we perform alongside Chicago the band let's talk about it

[45:07] I don't know how we would do that, but let's figure it out. Hey in the meantime

[45:10] I have a jumbotron that I can oh, okay

[45:12] Okay

[45:12] This is a jump message for Dylan Dawson and the message is from Heather Robb and it says hey Dylan

[45:18] Happy only slightly belated anniversary. Thanks for kovat marrying me and having a kovat child with me

[45:24] I know this is very corny and I'm sorry to embarrass you in front of your friends Dan Elliot and Stewart

[45:29] But you will always and forever be a movie. I kind of love deal with it

[45:33] Sweet message, that's adorable. She married a movie

[45:38] Married a movie that's the name of my movie

[45:45] So we bought a movie zoo and then married it. All right, that was a perfect ending to a perfect day

[45:53] You're in a theater the lights go down you're about to get swept up by the characters and all their little details and

[46:00] Interpersonal dramas you look at them and think that person is so obviously in love with their best friend

[46:06] Wait, am I in love with my best friend that character's mom is so overbearing

[46:09] Why doesn't she just stand up to her? Oh god

[46:11] Do I need to stand up to my own mother if you've ever recognized yourself in a movie then join me Jordan cruciola for the

[46:18] Podcast feeling seen we've talked to author Susan Orlean on realizing her own marriage was falling apart after watching adaptation an

[46:24] adaptation of her own work and comedian Hari Kondavolu on why Harold and Kumar was a

[46:30] Depressingly important movie for Southeast Asians. So join me every Thursday for the feeling seen podcast here on maximum fun

[46:38] video games video games video games

[46:42] You like them, maybe you enjoy them

[46:44] Video games you like them. Maybe you wish you had more time for them

[46:49] Maybe you want to know the best ones to play

[46:50] Maybe you want to know what happens to Mario when he dies in that case. You should check out triple click

[46:55] It's a podcast about video games a podcast about video games, but I don't have time for that

[47:01] Sure

[47:01] you do once a week kick back as three video game experts give you everything from critical takes on the hottest new releases to

[47:07] Scoops interviews and explanations about how video games work to fascinating and sometimes weird stories about the games

[47:13] We love triple click is hosted by me Kirk Hamilton me Jason Shire and me Maddie Myers

[47:19] You can find triple click wherever you get your podcasts and listen at maximum fun org. Bye

[47:25] And we're back

[47:28] Thanks so much. Thanks so much for supporting fruit and alts forms those sponsors. So we're gonna move on to

[47:35] Chapter four. That's right. We're gonna be talking about

[47:37] Reversal of fortune, you know, sometimes you're king of the world. Sometimes you're down in the dumps

[47:43] I

[47:49] Times hard times when you were a child Elliot

[47:52] I'm assuming your parents force you to eat fruit and that is what led you to hate all fruit of all kinds

[47:57] It's possible. I mean, I'm sure I ate fruit as a baby. I don't really remember it

[48:01] Well, I've blocked out a lot of the years before I turned about three and a half

[48:05] I assume because it was so traumatic to that fruit

[48:07] I just don't remember what it was like when I was like a six month old

[48:10] I remember drinking a lot of apple juice and never really liking it. Do you like other kinds of juice?

[48:21] I like I like I like whiskey. Is that a juice? Mm-hmm. Okay, that's fair then but other than that

[48:28] I think pretty early on my parents understood that

[48:31] This one leave him alone because he is bad to the bone when it comes to fruit

[48:35] Okay, otherwise a very conscientious young man, so you you have not changed at all now when I was a kid I was very

[48:42] If anything, I've probably gotten more intolerant. Yeah

[48:49] That's true I was I when I was young I was real open-minded about fruit

[48:53] But once I started watching Fox News, it really made it difficult for me

[48:56] But I think if any actually I maybe have become more open-minded than that

[48:59] If I see that an item on a menu mentioned some kind of fruit

[49:03] I will check with my wife to see if she thinks that it's a major component if it's just there to add acid or something

[49:09] Like that, that's okay

[49:10] Like I don't like the taste of lemons, but I love cream spinach and pretty much all cream spinach has lemon juice in it

[49:15] So I had to come to terms with that and I did. Yeah. Oh, yeah

[49:19] We like lemon juice is a is an issue for I mean, I guess lemon juices can be super acidic now

[49:25] So when you're watching like drinking lemonade, I don't like to take I don't like citrus taste when you're watching

[49:30] When you're watching like an episode of Top Chef and anybody even mentions putting fruit in a dish you like fuck that you're out

[49:36] I hope I hope they vote you off. You know what I say. Maybe I want to make sure it's the judges decision

[49:42] It's why I do keep a bucket in front of me so I can vomit into it whenever they mention fruit

[49:45] Yes, I am a regular Top Chef viewer

[49:47] but there are a lot of times when they're like I made a it's a chicken thigh with

[49:52] Lard on and I'm like, oh that sounds great. And there's a pomegranate sauce and I'll just go forget it not

[49:57] Interested anymore

[50:00] the channel. Mute. Cancel show. Cancel cable subscription. I pick up the TV, I throw it

[50:08] out the window, yeah, I burn the house down, I change my name. Oh, awesome. Rise the rails.

[50:14] Yeah, I start Jack Reachering around the country with nothing to my name but the

[50:17] clothes on my back and one pair of underpants. You would make the perfect Jack Reacher.

[50:20] For me, when I was a kid, I hated oranges and orange juice. I think part of it was the acid,

[50:32] part of it was like the pulp and orange juice. And at some point I made up that I would tell

[50:40] people that I was allergic to oranges to the point that like years later, my mom thought I

[50:46] was allergic to oranges because I just kept saying it. But I eat oranges plenty now. I have

[50:53] one almost every day. I think it was Goebbels who said if you repeat a lie long enough,

[50:57] it becomes the truth. So that's what you did. Yeah, I learned from the best.

[51:02] I'm going to I'm going to

[51:05] I didn't even like making that joke.

[51:09] Manufacturer of Goebbels baby formula.

[51:14] I will say that I've grown to fond of two fruits, one that is not actually a fruit,

[51:23] but people think of it as a fruit and one that is a fruit, but people don't think of it as a fruit.

[51:28] Wow, I feel like it's a riddle that I have to answer to cross the bridge somewhere.

[51:32] Uh, my mom always loved strawberries, which are technically not fruits because they're

[51:37] the seeds on the outside, made out of straw. But it's one of those things also where it's like,

[51:42] who made that rule? Nature didn't make that rule. Does that mean? So what are they, vegetables?

[51:48] I don't know. They're freaks. What the hell are they? Strawberries are just freaks. Yeah.

[51:52] But it's like if it's like if a chicken was inside out, that's well, if they have their

[51:57] seeds on the outside, then they're basically like fish, right? Yeah, yeah, it's a fish.

[52:03] They're classified as a land fish. It's not like I didn't like strawberries as a kid,

[52:07] but my mom would be like, like it was the best treat in the world. And now that I'm an adult

[52:12] and I have to like, you know, make reasonable choices with my life, I much more understand how

[52:20] a minor thing can feel like the best treat in the world.

[52:23] Sure. Yeah, just a little bit of joy in this horrible veil of tears that we.

[52:28] But also the other one is avocado, which when I was a kid, did nothing for me. And then along

[52:35] the line, I realized I'm like, oh, this is like the plant world's like butter is basically what

[52:40] it is. I'm thinking of it as like a vegetable or fruit and started thinking of it as like this is

[52:47] a source of fat that gets put on things. It's the first plant that saw the light and was like,

[52:51] I want to be like meat beats where it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, it's interesting you

[52:55] mentioned strawberries. I have a childhood. I have a lot of childhood memories about

[52:57] strawberries because my family thought it was so much fun to go strawberry picking in New Jersey.

[53:01] There's a lot of strawberry patches. They thought it was so much fun to go strawberry picking.

[53:05] And I and they would not let me bring a book with me. So I would just stand there

[53:09] watching my family pick strawberries, hating every moment of it as I sweated in the sun.

[53:14] Then they would be like, isn't this fun? I would say no.

[53:16] Very boring. And now and there's a place in there's a place near L.A. called Underwood.

[53:24] There's a place called Underwood Farms where you go and you pick, you know,

[53:27] fruit and stuff. And my kids always want to go there. And my wife is like,

[53:31] yeah, we can go there. And she turns to me. She goes, I know this is triggering for you.

[53:35] That's so funny. This is like like an M. Night Shyamalan origin story of like

[53:42] somebody, you know, a supervillain who hates fruit.

[53:48] They call me Mr. Strawberry.

[53:55] OK, so, man, Chris, do you have any anything that you like now that you hated as a kid?

[54:01] Well, first of all, all these edge edge scenarios of like avocados, cucumbers,

[54:07] strawberries, are they vegetables? Are they are they fruits? It's freaking me out a little.

[54:12] Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm a bit turned around. But mangoes.

[54:17] Sorry that we've been living in that liminal zone of we're not sure if things are fruits

[54:21] or vegetables. Yeah, it's weird. But but mangoes, I feel like I would have liked mangoes if I'd

[54:26] known about them as a kid. But I feel like mangoes have really come to occupy a pretty

[54:31] big role in my life now. They're they're a little fibrous, but I feel like with mangoes,

[54:36] it's really important for me to get like a really good, ripe one, like an unripe mangoes.

[54:42] A bummer. An unripe mango is a bummer. But also, if you get this sort of South

[54:49] Southeast Asian mangoes or the South Asian mangoes, like the smaller ones, man,

[54:54] you're not you're not looking at fiber. There's custody.

[54:58] Chris, you're a well, you're a well-traveled person. Have you ever had durian?

[55:02] I've never had durian. I have read about it. I have the stinkiest fruit in the world. Yes.

[55:08] We were just supposed to be like eating custard in a bathroom.

[55:12] Yeah, this it's a big topic conversation in my house. Every now and then my younger son

[55:17] will become obsessed with the idea of eating some specific fruit. For a while, he was doing

[55:23] obsessed with the idea of eating some specific fruit. For a while, he was demanding lychees

[55:29] and we didn't have any in the house and he would throw tantrums. And then eventually,

[55:32] luckily, I was able to go to a Vietnamese wedding and went to a Vietnamese market in California

[55:38] afterwards and in the neighborhood and could bring him lychee. And he had one. He said,

[55:42] I like it. And he never talked about it ever again. But durian is a constant question with

[55:46] him. And he talks about it all the time. And he always says, I want to try it,

[55:49] but not smell it. And he thinks that's very funny. But I was wondering if it actually

[55:54] if it smells as bad as it's supposed to. I've I've had it. I mean, I was asking Chris.

[56:01] But so, Dan, what was your experience with it? Maybe ask someone with

[56:05] whose wife is from the Philippines. That's a good point. Fair enough. Okay. I'm just

[56:10] trying not to I'm not trying not to stereotype or, you know, I had it at her family's place.

[56:18] It's a I mean, I would say that Audrey told me the one that we had was not a particularly

[56:25] good specimen of it. You know, it it does taste a little funkier, like people describe it,

[56:33] you know, being more like cheese, adjacent custard, Jason said. I was not wild about it.

[56:41] It was it does. It does taste better than it smells like she talks about, you know,

[56:45] like if you cut it up, like people would do definitely do it outside or like they,

[56:49] you know, in the Philippines, there's often like they have like an outdoor kitchen area

[56:54] that that definitely would happen rather than. And so do you hold your nose while you eat it

[57:00] or are you just like that? Do you eat whole and cover your face while you eat it out of shame

[57:06] so God doesn't see you eating it? The smell is the smell is kind of like, let's say a middle

[57:13] school locker room level of smell. Like it's definitely a bad smell, but it's not like you're

[57:19] like your stomach is being turned by like rotten garbage. Yeah. Is it like Limburger cheese? Yeah,

[57:26] it's more along that zone, I would say, because I always I always imagined that it smelled like

[57:30] like a rotting thing, like something really disgusting. I would know. I wouldn't say that.

[57:35] OK, well, hey, listeners, if you have durian talk, if you also have durian opinions,

[57:41] write in. This is durian, Dan, the durian man, full opinions on durian.

[57:49] Listen, my spin off podcast, durian dancing.

[57:55] Nobody puts durian in a corner when Dan's around. Yeah, you need room for the airflow. OK, so

[58:03] that, of course, means this brings us to Chapter five. That is right. I forgot.

[58:08] All time top five favorite fruits. That's five. I'm going to be keeping a tally and we're going

[58:16] to see what is the which which fruits get the most votes. I feel like yours is going to be

[58:24] pretty short. Yeah, I don't think I can fill out the five. OK, so why don't we get these top five?

[58:31] Sure. Let's put tomatoes. Let me clarify. Again, this is based on the categories.

[58:36] Mouthfeel, flavor, ease of consumption, appearance, et cetera. You're not rating

[58:43] them on those scales, but those are things to keep in mind when voting. Yeah. So I'm going

[58:47] to start with cucumbers, tomatoes. They're as close as you can get to not being a fruit and

[58:51] still be a fruit. That's great. I'm going to put snozzberries on there from Willy Wonka because

[58:56] it's not real. I never have to eat it or smell it or handle it. It's not a real fruit. Yeah.

[59:02] Then I think I'm tapped out to extra slots if anyone else wants to use them. One, two, three.

[59:07] OK, wow. OK. Cucumbers are number three. Interesting. OK. No, no. Cucumbers would

[59:11] be number one for me. OK. It's not. I wasn't counting down. I wasn't counting. I should

[59:16] have. But sorry, we got cucumbers. That's right. What was the third one? I'm sorry. I was made

[59:20] out of my own. You know what? You know what? I'm going to put our pumpkins a fruit or the gourd

[59:26] is on the inside. Leave there. I don't know what the

[59:30] if it's a fruit. I'm going to say pumpkins not to eat because you can carve them up,

[59:34] make a spooky face. We are in there now. Now, if I could do that with more to eat.

[59:40] Oh, if I could, if I can carve a spooky face onto more fruit, maybe I'd like it. Now I'm going to

[59:44] call you out on your bullshit this time, Elliot, because you said that you would

[59:48] like more fruit to be used for spooky phases. But in the Godfather, you think that's terrible.

[59:53] Well, yeah, OK. Not oranges. Oranges are gross. There's there's nothing.

[59:57] There's a few things that are more personal.

[1:00:00] gross to me than being in like a work meeting and someone decides to eat an

[1:00:03] orange the smell I don't like at all and then just seeing them put a pile of

[1:00:08] gross peel with little stringy things falling off of it onto like the meat the

[1:00:12] table that we're all sitting at for the meeting it's just gross so you know what

[1:00:16] you're right you caught me in it you caught me in a contradiction there and I

[1:00:19] totally own up to it and I hope the voters can see past it when the election

[1:00:24] cut time comes around in November but you're right I did not like the spooky

[1:00:27] face that he he used a quick side category guys what is the snack food you

[1:00:34] least like people to enjoy in your presence yeah for me it's oranges I'm

[1:00:41] gonna follow up cuz I have one right on the tip of my dome that's right does

[1:00:45] original recipe Cheerios no thank you makes their breath smell just smells bad

[1:00:49] not a fan that's true kids like it get out of here I don't need kids around me

[1:00:53] does gum count as a snack because I don't like the loud chewing of gum

[1:00:59] interesting is gum a snack it's more of an activity for your mouth yeah yeah

[1:01:05] okay well then my least favorite snack food is anything that sounds like so

[1:01:09] much okay I think for me it's it's what nachos no no Doritos right with but with

[1:01:20] the powdery stuff that comes off on their fingers yeah powdery Doritos does

[1:01:24] that also include like cheese doodles but those are those are good I can

[1:01:30] understand that Wow I never I never this is a big

[1:01:33] disagree between you and me on the goodness of Doritos okay so I think it's

[1:01:39] Dan's turn why don't you give us your top five fruits you want to go starting

[1:01:42] with five or start with one Dan I'm giving all of them at the same time

[1:01:55] though like Elliot did yeah okay I'm I'm gonna start with one I'm gonna start and

[1:02:04] I'm also gonna specify that this is just these my ranking is top five fruits of

[1:02:11] that I would eat on their own like in a culinary sense like I probably use limes

[1:02:21] the most often mm-hmm but but you know lime on its own yeah that's like if

[1:02:27] people are like what are your favorite foods and you're like salt I use it all

[1:02:30] the time although I do love the idea of somebody just chomping down on a fucking

[1:02:36] little kids love to do little kids love eating wine bonkers yeah I'm sure so

[1:02:41] expensive right now the kids don't know that bars lines for your health okay top

[1:02:54] top one I have mango here oh that's a good one yeah yeah I think I follow it

[1:03:02] up with pineapple you get some fresh pineapple mm-hmm fire pretty fun we're

[1:03:10] moving into my berry section here I put I you know I put strawberry up more

[1:03:20] edging out the next one on my list which is raspberry those are very close Wow

[1:03:24] and then did you dock raspberry because it's spelled raspberry which is good me

[1:03:30] I think you know what I think I probably like the flavor of a really

[1:03:35] good raspberry better than the strawberry but you get you know it's

[1:03:39] hard they they rot quicker they're smaller they're like you get less you

[1:03:44] know there's a there's disadvantages to a raspberry I will say when when we get

[1:03:47] we we get a lot of fruit in the house for for the children and the raspberries

[1:03:51] yeah they have to eat them faster they just become you know just like liquid

[1:03:54] muck and number five we got a dark horse in here no horse is not a fruit

[1:04:01] in a kiwi fruit oh kiwi okay Dan that's an impressive top five Chris you're our

[1:04:10] guests you're the fruit fruit in this case let's let's get your mango also

[1:04:17] well this is a reverse order by the reverse order to build up tension and

[1:04:21] excited so number five is mango number five mango because they're great number

[1:04:28] yeah I wrote them down that was Dan's number one I believe yeah no no oh wait

[1:04:33] no sorry I actually mangoes my mangoes my runner-up but forget I said that okay

[1:04:38] okay okay so mango it's just higher rank than I know I said number five

[1:04:46] blueberries number boobs number four figs figs Wow number three watermelon

[1:04:56] water mr. perfect another favorite McCalen household number number two

[1:05:03] number two mango the official mango moving up with a bullet number one check

[1:05:10] this out you ever had a sapote no that's I think that's indigenous to Mexico but

[1:05:18] my grandma had a sapote tree in her backyard and that is very custody and

[1:05:23] delicious imagine what you'd imagine a durian would taste like but without a

[1:05:28] bad smell with a good smell that's a sapote look at it okay yeah I realized I

[1:05:36] have some I have some looks kind of like a persimmon it does yeah actually I

[1:05:40] think it could it might be a cousin of a persimmon what is a persimmon taste like

[1:05:44] because I've only experienced persimmons in the video game Sekiro which doesn't

[1:05:49] allow me to actually taste them mm-hmm not yet well it's kind of like if you

[1:05:54] mixed a purse with Bill Simmons interesting okay sound successful I'd

[1:05:59] say it tastes a bit papaya II sometime but sometimes there's a weird kind of

[1:06:06] acidic non-acidic sort of bitter taste to it if you don't get a good one that's

[1:06:11] just right if you cut it open it definitely looks very papaya I don't I

[1:06:16] have no idea what it's related to so you've just heard of it yeah sorry sorry

[1:06:24] that my vast research couldn't give us all of the information is fruit can I

[1:06:29] add something to my fruit list I think I still have to yeah you got to you have

[1:06:33] one slot because you added pumpkins that you can turn into a death mask the

[1:06:37] last like I'm gonna I'm gonna say the guys in the fruit costumes in the old

[1:06:41] fruit-of-the-loom commercials I remember as a kid it was pretty funny okay it's

[1:06:47] not to eat but to watch in a commercial they kind of cast about the sort of

[1:06:50] schlubby guys as I recall they were you know ordinary Joe's as fruits you could

[1:06:57] imagine them wearing the product they're not some handsome male model who's gonna

[1:07:00] have fancy underpants these are guys who are gonna wear fruit of the loom

[1:07:02] underpants right okay I'm gonna say my list is gonna be kind of boring guys

[1:07:08] because I've already seen some of these listed number five is gonna be mangoes I

[1:07:12] love them when you find a good one it is great but I don't always have luck

[1:07:16] finding good ones yeah next one is going to be bananas I love bananas I eat a ton

[1:07:25] they're great I like them a little mushy I like them a little not mushy perfect

[1:07:31] and it comes with its own wrapper thanks for camera remember that there was that

[1:07:41] video going around yeah we said that how banana is designed by God for you to eat

[1:07:45] it and the guy he's with is like when you hold a banana it curves towards your

[1:07:49] mouth like it's telling you to eat it other way if you hold it the other way

[1:07:55] it's like God's saying don't eat this I'm keeping it away from your mouth

[1:07:57] there's just such a funny argument number three is a honeydew melon I love

[1:08:04] that shit yeah that's a great melon that's a good one number two pears we

[1:08:13] haven't talked about pears at all this entire I fucking love pears it's like

[1:08:18] the right consistency for me the flavor profiles a little more mellow than like

[1:08:23] an apple it's not as sharp big fan and I like that Stuart that you the little

[1:08:28] play on words did there by making pears number two yep that was intentional

[1:08:32] thank you for picking that up Elliot and then number one it's already been

[1:08:35] mentioned but I love watermelon I can't get enough

[1:08:39] eat in chunks we currently at hinterlands we just got a frozen drink

[1:08:43] machine and it's one of those like big multi like two hopper machines it's just

[1:08:49] constantly rotating the the slushy frozen cocktails one of them is a

[1:08:54] strawberry frozen margarita it's great but we put on a fresh watermelon frose

[1:08:59] that is actual like smashed up actual watermelon and it's delicious and so I

[1:09:05] spent the whole weekend chopping watermelons and you know what for a

[1:09:08] lesser man and a lesser fruit I would hate watermelons but I love it

[1:09:18] I wrote all this down but I don't actually like doing math and I've had

[1:09:21] too many drinks so listeners at home why don't you do the math yourself and figure

[1:09:24] out what's the top fruit second screen experience that people have been looking

[1:09:33] like the play at home version of the game show and then after you're done

[1:09:43] taking notes why don't you come up with your own top five and tweet at L at a

[1:09:49] let him know if you if you come up with a good list Elliot might even respond

[1:09:57] and tell you why your list is so

[1:10:00] and maybe write you a little poem.

[1:10:01] And he'll take the-

[1:10:02] I don't know none of them.

[1:10:03] If you, so tweet at me at Elliot Kalin,

[1:10:06] E-L-L-I-O-T-T Kalin, with your fruit list

[1:10:09] and I promise, I will tell you to stop.

[1:10:11] And, but you were gonna do the fruit challenge

[1:10:14] for charity, right?

[1:10:15] Where you eat the top five fruits.

[1:10:19] Yeah, you're gonna eat the top five fruits.

[1:10:22] This is literally, if I ever thought,

[1:10:24] I don't have the talent to be an actor,

[1:10:27] but sometimes I'm like, but if I was,

[1:10:29] I might have to eat fruit in a scene.

[1:10:31] I don't wanna do that.

[1:10:32] Like this.

[1:10:33] How do I get out of that?

[1:10:34] That's the only thing that's been keeping,

[1:10:36] keeping you from stardom.

[1:10:38] Yeah.

[1:10:41] Yeah, that's just like,

[1:10:41] you'd be a great hockey goalie.

[1:10:44] Right.

[1:10:45] Except for all the diarrhea.

[1:10:47] Will be unfair to the other teams too.

[1:10:49] It was partly the diarrhea

[1:10:50] and partly it'll be unfair to the other teams

[1:10:52] for me to bring that kind of power in.

[1:10:53] Guys, we've had a lot of fun tonight.

[1:10:55] We've talked about a lot of fruit.

[1:10:57] We've talked about a lot of fun tonight.

[1:11:01] We wangchunged tonight.

[1:11:03] Yeah, everybody had fun tonight.

[1:11:04] Whether or not, listeners,

[1:11:05] write in and let us know

[1:11:06] whether we achieved wangchung tonight.

[1:11:11] Any closing thoughts, Dan?

[1:11:12] So wait, in that song,

[1:11:13] the wangchung was just the name of the band, right?

[1:11:15] Like it wasn't a dance.

[1:11:17] So when they say everybody wangchunged tonight,

[1:11:20] what does that sentence mean?

[1:11:21] They're inviting us all to be part of their band.

[1:11:23] Oh, well, I like that.

[1:11:25] That's inclusive.

[1:11:25] Did you get your class action suit

[1:11:27] settlement for the money from that song?

[1:11:30] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:11:31] You're entitled to residuals.

[1:11:39] Everyone was supposed to get 20 cents.

[1:11:43] Did that song come out

[1:11:44] before they did the score for To Live and Die in LA?

[1:11:48] I have to assume so.

[1:11:49] So do you think that William Friedkin's like,

[1:11:51] since now I'm a member of wangchung,

[1:11:54] if they do the score to my movie, it'll be free.

[1:11:57] Then if they win the Oscar, I'll get one, too.

[1:12:00] I'll get an Oscar, finally.

[1:12:01] Since I'm a member of the band.

[1:12:05] That's the scheme.

[1:12:06] That's a long time.

[1:12:07] Didn't know.

[1:12:08] Okay, so Dan.

[1:12:09] I think the movie was originally called

[1:12:11] To Live in Wangchung in LA.

[1:12:13] Mm-hmm.

[1:12:14] What, were you asking me for?

[1:12:15] I was going to say, do you have any,

[1:12:16] do you have any final thoughts?

[1:12:22] You know what?

[1:12:23] I apologize to any fruits that I overlooked

[1:12:25] because there are a lot of great ones out there.

[1:12:27] Yeah.

[1:12:28] Oh man, that's so fancy, but I'll take it.

[1:12:32] Elliot, you're the descending voice in this one.

[1:12:34] Any final thoughts, closing thoughts?

[1:12:38] There is part of me that the older I get

[1:12:40] takes pleasure in seeing other people experience

[1:12:42] the variety of fruit out there.

[1:12:44] I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me

[1:12:47] that wishes I didn't find fruit disgusting

[1:12:49] because it's definitely closing me off

[1:12:51] from a large part of eating

[1:12:53] and something that's very healthy.

[1:12:54] But I am what I am, as Popeye said

[1:12:57] when he ate spinach, a food I liked.

[1:12:59] I find that not fruit, I don't like it

[1:13:02] and I think it's gross and sticky

[1:13:03] and I don't like the smells, textures,

[1:13:05] mouthfeel, taste, or the way it looks, to be honest.

[1:13:09] Yeah.

[1:13:10] So I apologize.

[1:13:11] It's just baked into me.

[1:13:11] It's the way, it's just where I'm from.

[1:13:13] Like a pie.

[1:13:14] You know?

[1:13:15] Sure.

[1:13:16] Like, yeah, like I want to look at a,

[1:13:17] I want to look at a, like one of the red,

[1:13:19] like a blackberry with all those weird little hairs

[1:13:22] coming out of it and things like that.

[1:13:23] No, thank you.

[1:13:24] No, thank you, sir.

[1:13:27] Chris, I think you got anything to bring us home here?

[1:13:31] I mean, I just, I just want to thank you

[1:13:34] for asking me along to this.

[1:13:40] Oh, we got a, just happen to be here message.

[1:13:43] Okay.

[1:13:44] Yeah.

[1:13:48] Yeah, that's the, yeah.

[1:13:50] So I'm so glad you could share this with us.

[1:13:57] We could waste your time both as a guest

[1:13:59] and then later as a listener

[1:14:00] when you listen to the episode.

[1:14:03] Well, I mean, the great thing is

[1:14:04] that I didn't have to bathe the children,

[1:14:06] so that was good.

[1:14:08] Oh, yeah.

[1:14:11] Honey, the kids need to be bathed.

[1:14:14] I have to learn about fruit.

[1:14:19] I need to get my top five together.

[1:14:20] America needs to know.

[1:14:22] I need the tightest top five.

[1:14:25] Oh, this is so much fun.

[1:14:26] Oh God, I love fucking with you guys.

[1:14:32] So for the Flophouse, I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:14:35] Thank you so much.

[1:14:36] We're on the MaxFun Network.

[1:14:37] Our editor, who will hopefully piece this together

[1:14:39] into something that sounds great, is Alex Smith.

[1:14:43] You can find him as HowlDotty on Twitter and other places.

[1:14:49] Yeah, Chris, do you got anything you want to plug?

[1:14:54] Yes, my movie, which will be coming out

[1:14:56] maybe in a year and a half once I'm done with it.

[1:15:02] So listen, what you need to do

[1:15:03] is set yourself a calendar notification

[1:15:07] for a year and a half from now and listen to it again

[1:15:10] and then go see the movie, which might still be called home

[1:15:13] if I make it, I don't get fired,

[1:15:17] and they don't change the name.

[1:15:18] Okay.

[1:15:21] Should we still see it if you get fired

[1:15:22] and don't make it and they change the name?

[1:15:23] No, absolutely not.

[1:15:26] Yeah, let's vote with our dollars

[1:15:27] and say no whites, no dice.

[1:15:30] We're not gonna see this movie.

[1:15:32] Okay, so I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:15:35] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:15:37] I've been Elliot Kalin, also co-host of the Who Was podcast,

[1:15:40] a kids' quiz show about history

[1:15:42] that's on the iHeart Network,

[1:15:42] available wherever podcasters are sold, I was gonna say,

[1:15:45] wherever podcasts are downloaded

[1:15:47] and which we also have an episode

[1:15:48] where I talk about how I don't like fruit.

[1:15:50] So don't worry that if you thought

[1:15:52] I wasn't gonna address the issue on that,

[1:15:54] the Who Was podcast, and joining us has been...

[1:15:57] Chris Weitz, no podcasts, just a podcast guest,

[1:16:01] but happy to be here.

[1:16:03] Bye.

[1:16:09] MaximumFund.org.

[1:16:11] Comedy and culture.

[1:16:12] Artist-owned, audience supported.

FH Mini 55 - The Fruit Group, with Chris Weitz

Transcript

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