Ep. #372 - Old

[0:00] Hey, Flophouse listeners, normally this is the time where Dan would say on this episode,

[0:03] but first I want to tell you about something very exciting.

[0:06] The Flophouse is coming back live, yeah, over the internet?

[0:09] No, not over the internet.

[0:10] In front of your faces, if you live in New York or Brooklyn or have access to a way to

[0:14] transport yourself there.

[0:15] That's right, August 7th at 7.30pm at The Bell House, our old stomping grounds.

[0:20] We're going to be doing our first live in-person show in about three years, since 2019.

[0:24] Yeah, I'm so horny for that shit.

[0:27] We're going to be having a great time on stage in front of people, barring another outbreak

[0:31] of a deadly disease.

[0:32] That's August 7th, 7.30pm, we're going to be talking Morbius, that's right, it's the

[0:36] summer of Morbius, Morbin time, meme, meme, meme, meme, meme, etc.

[0:40] Just go to TheBellHouseNY.com for tickets, that's TheBellHouseNY.com.

[0:45] That's August 7th, 7.30pm for the show, doors open at 6.30pm.

[0:48] We're going to be talking The Morbster, that's right, and you're going to be there watching

[0:53] it in person and loving every minute of it.

[0:56] And now, Dan, take it away.

[0:58] It's me, Dan.

[0:59] On this episode, we discuss old.

[1:03] Where life's a beach, and then you die.

[1:06] Ow!

[1:07] Maybe!

[1:08] Welcome to the beach, you're going to die!

[1:26] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:45] What is up, Dan McCoy, it's me, Stuart Wellington, over here.

[1:49] And over here in California, it's Elliot Kalin.

[1:53] Hey guys, how are you doing?

[1:56] Just chillin', dawg.

[1:57] Stuart's wearing a terrycloth, what is this, a cheetah print shirt?

[2:01] Yeah, it's like, you know, like beachwear.

[2:05] Why would that be appropriate for today's movie, guys?

[2:07] Well, that's because we're talking about a beach that turns you old.

[2:10] That's right, we're watching old by having a shot of old.

[2:12] We're watching the movie, The Beach That Turns You Old.

[2:15] The interesting interpretation of beachwear, but we're watching the movie about the beach

[2:22] that turns you old, why do we do that?

[2:23] Dan, what kind of podcast is this?

[2:25] Wait, this isn't a How to Learn German podcast.

[2:28] This is a podcast where we watch a movie that was a critical or commercial failure and talk

[2:36] about it.

[2:38] This one's right on the edge.

[2:39] And we also sometimes talk about Topeka.

[2:41] We do talk about Topeka sometimes.

[2:42] That's right.

[2:43] This one is right on the edge.

[2:44] We provide a forum for other people to share their thoughts about Topeka.

[2:47] It got 55 as the Metacritic average, it got very positive reviews and it got very negative

[2:54] reviews.

[2:55] People's opinions of it seem to be pretty all over the map.

[3:00] And it was a financial success.

[3:01] Who knows?

[3:02] Yeah.

[3:03] Was he due for one of those?

[3:06] How's our boy Evan doing?

[3:08] Okay.

[3:09] I don't, I mean, like, I think the recent sort of, like, I think Split did very well

[3:14] for him and then Glass was kind of middling, but I think he's on a bit of a minor upswing.

[3:20] And clearly he hasn't gotten all his person's bones or glass because we got a little bit

[3:25] of that and old.

[3:26] Don't want to spoil anything.

[3:27] Mm hmm.

[3:28] Yeah.

[3:29] So I would say, I would say he's doing pretty well.

[3:32] He's kind of had a resurgence.

[3:33] You might say it's a new day for M. Night.

[3:37] I wouldn't say that, though.

[3:39] It is.

[3:40] Glass was a huge hit.

[3:41] What are you talking about?

[3:43] The entire city of Philly turned out for their favorite son on a budget of 20, 20 million.

[3:49] It made 247 million.

[3:52] Glass did.

[3:53] I mean, it's amazing.

[3:54] Say this about him.

[3:56] He can stretch a budget like he can.

[3:59] Yeah, you're right.

[4:00] It's amazing that on only 20 million dollars, he made a movie that looks like it was shot

[4:04] for five million dollars.

[4:06] Oh, roasted.

[4:08] Oh, man.

[4:10] Boom.

[4:11] Let's give him some cream for that burn.

[4:14] You provided.

[4:15] OK.

[4:16] Don't worry.

[4:17] He's going to heal real fast because he's on a magic beach.

[4:19] Magic beach.

[4:20] Tell us all about it.

[4:21] Or a science speech.

[4:22] It depends on which interpretation you follow or whether or not you read the Goof section,

[4:26] which it feels like this movie is like an oops, all goofs.

[4:30] It feels like it is taunting the goofs.

[4:32] It's just like trolling the goofs, although I will say Arthur C. Clarke once said that

[4:36] any beach that's that's advanced enough is indistinct for magic.

[4:41] You can't tell the difference between a beach of advanced enough science is indistinguishable

[4:47] from magic.

[4:48] Alex is going to cut that joke to make it a little tighter.

[4:51] Well, I think it's going to kill just like this.

[4:53] It's been a it's been a long morning.

[4:55] Yeah.

[4:56] OK.

[4:57] So movie opens.

[4:59] We are introduced to a family of four, the Kappa family, not like Kappa the turtle or

[5:04] like this clothing brand.

[5:05] So you're saying they don't have they don't have bowls on their head.

[5:09] And when they bow, the water falls out of the bowl and they become incapacitated like

[5:12] a Japanese Kappa.

[5:13] They do not do that, nor are they to like mudflap girls back to back on some sportswear.

[5:20] OK, so it's a family of four.

[5:22] The father is played by the incredibly hot Gail Garcia Bernal.

[5:26] Yeah.

[5:27] Audrey was Audrey was keen on what I don't know why you're like, because Audrey is keen

[5:31] on watching this.

[5:33] That is her number one man, Gail Garcia Bernal.

[5:36] She's got a type.

[5:37] Uh, looking at Dan, I don't quite you slap a beard on our boy.

[5:45] Yeah.

[5:46] You guys look the same.

[5:47] I see it.

[5:49] OK, so I don't have the full cast in front of me, but Gail is playing Guy.

[5:57] It's probably not easier for him to remember.

[6:00] His wife is Prisca.

[6:02] Is that the name?

[6:03] Yeah.

[6:04] Prisca, Prisca.

[6:05] Yeah.

[6:06] Something like that.

[6:07] And they have troops from Phantom Thread.

[6:09] Yeah.

[6:10] Right.

[6:11] And also we have a slightly an 11 year old daughter, Maddox, and a six year old son,

[6:15] Trent, who is very precocious.

[6:18] They arrive at a very fancy resort.

[6:22] They are greeted by a vaguely German guy who is only a little bit like he's like a slightly

[6:28] less creepy Peter Stromare.

[6:30] Yeah.

[6:31] They're given.

[6:32] He looks like he looks like a guy who won first prize in a Peter Stromare lookalike

[6:36] contest.

[6:37] True.

[6:38] Yeah.

[6:39] Uh, and it's got all the trimmings here, folks.

[6:41] We got specialty cocktails.

[6:43] Yep.

[6:44] We got a, a drink fountain, a candy station, everything you could ask for from your fancy

[6:50] hotel.

[6:51] This is like, this is like, what if the, this is like the White Lotus baby, like, give me

[6:55] more of this, except it's not as stressful as the White Lotus.

[6:57] Um, okay.

[6:58] I would say much more stressful considering what happens to every single character's tour.

[7:03] Uh, I mean, I would say the, the events are more stressful, but the storytelling is less

[7:09] artful and stressful, but maybe that's because I'm a Mike White stan.

[7:12] And nobody ends up with a poop in their suitcase.

[7:15] Spoiler alert.

[7:16] Um, okay.

[7:17] Uh, so the, the show, a poop in a suitcase, it's actually a spoiler alert for old that

[7:23] no one ends up with a poop in their suitcase, although it's just cause it's not shown doesn't

[7:28] mean it doesn't happen.

[7:29] That's true.

[7:30] That's true.

[7:31] There's a whole world outside the frame.

[7:32] So the, the youngest son, the, uh, the, the young precocious kid, Trent makes friends

[7:40] with a, uh, a kid who like lives at the resort named, wait, I got it somewhere.

[7:46] It lib.

[7:47] Yeah.

[7:48] It live.

[7:49] And he's the, he's the nephew of the resort manager, so it's unclear why he lives at the

[7:54] resort, but I guess that's a sitcom right there is, is I'm, I'm this resort manager

[8:00] who's kind of like Peter storm air and suddenly I'm inheriting this, this nephew has to come

[8:04] live with me.

[8:05] Oh, oh, so much trouble.

[8:08] Uh, so they settled into this resort.

[8:10] It seems like paradise.

[8:11] Uh, the kids go around and they, uh, meet all these people that, that are at the resort,

[8:17] including a chef, a cop and a dancer.

[8:21] Trent likes nothing more than to meet someone and ask them what they do for a living and

[8:23] then immediately walk away uninterested in the details.

[8:26] He also, well, he also needs to know their name.

[8:28] Uh, and yeah, I guess, I think it's just name and profession and luckily there's no one with

[8:33] a boring profession.

[8:34] Everyone has a very specific, somewhat interesting profession.

[8:38] Except for Gal Garcia-Banal who is, who is an insurance adjuster, who is an actuary.

[8:43] Yeah.

[8:44] I want to get into this.

[8:45] Like there's nothing more emblematic of the film old than the scene in which the kid asks

[8:50] what these people do for a living and then just leaves because this movie loves to tell

[8:54] you what various characters do for a living.

[8:58] Like, like sometimes when it doesn't make sense, like someone says that they're a nurse

[9:02] twice in the, in the movie.

[9:04] Like it was like, well, we already established this movie and then there's another point

[9:07] where Vicky Creeps' character is like, no, you can like, she's like trying to show that

[9:13] you can trust that she knows about some medical thing basically and she's like, I'm a, I'm

[9:18] a museum curator.

[9:19] Like, I'm like, why does that mean that you can trust her more?

[9:24] She's trying to prove that she's human, Dan.

[9:26] She's not just writing words on a page.

[9:29] And that, uh, Gail Garcia Bernal will be able to piece together that there's something fishy

[9:33] going on because he's like, but according to the insurance odds, it makes no sense that

[9:37] two people would die on a beach.

[9:40] Like everyone is, everyone is defined by their job and also by the relationship to one other

[9:46] human being on the planet.

[9:49] Ken Leung says he's a nurse so many times in this, he just cannot stop telling people

[9:53] he's a nurse.

[9:54] He introduces himself by name and then his profession multiple times.

[9:58] Okay.

[10:00] I and Prisca are planning on separating after their vacation.

[10:04] Uh, they're just like two opposite.

[10:06] He thinks about the future and she's always thinking about the past.

[10:09] This is something that does not bear out at all.

[10:13] That he's always thinking about the future and she's always

[10:14] thinking about the past.

[10:15] It never comes up again.

[10:17] Well, this feels like a screenwriter's notes to himself.

[10:19] Like at night, it's like, okay, well, this is going to be

[10:21] about people growing older.

[10:23] So one of the characters should have a future job and one of

[10:27] them should have a past job and this should inform their personalities.

[10:31] And then he's like, that's good.

[10:32] That's good.

[10:32] He writes it down and then he doesn't like actually weave it into the story.

[10:38] He's like, I told you, showing is telling, right?

[10:42] And they vaguely allude to a, uh, uh, medical condition that Prisca has

[10:46] that we'll find out all about later in gory detail.

[10:50] Um, meanwhile, we cut to the beach at night.

[10:53] This is a different beach.

[10:54] We haven't seen this beach before, but we're going to see a fuck

[10:56] load.

[10:57] It becomes explicable later, but the way this scene is inserted

[11:00] is completely inexplicable.

[11:02] Stuart, tell us.

[11:03] Yeah, it's great.

[11:03] So we have, uh, we have a, a guy, a man and a woman on the beach.

[11:09] Uh, he is, no, that the man has the most hilarious character name

[11:13] in the history of filmmaking, but we'll get there.

[11:15] The woman strips her clothes off and goes skinny dipping end of scene.

[11:19] Yeah.

[11:19] Well, this is, and this is where Audrey yells at the screen.

[11:22] No, your boobs are going to get old.

[11:27] Um, okay.

[11:28] So cut immediately to, uh, the, the restaurant at the resort in the morning.

[11:33] We are introduced to another family.

[11:35] This one, uh, is, uh, led by Rufus Sewell, also hot, but

[11:40] definitely going to be evil.

[11:41] Yeah.

[11:42] He is not in any movie except for dark city where he is not fucking evil.

[11:46] I'm going to take a page from Elliot and say that I saw Rufus Sewell on stage in

[11:50] London, uh, as Richard the third, and it was a perfect casting, not a good

[11:54] production of Richard really?

[11:56] Oh, that's too bad because I saw him on stage on Broadway and rock and roll

[11:59] the Tom Stoppard play, and he was great in it.

[12:01] Brian Cox was great in it.

[12:03] It was a great show.

[12:04] I love it.

[12:04] I'm sure he's good in general.

[12:06] He's just, I don't think the production was not so Rufus Sewell seems to be

[12:09] someone who very easily falls back on tricks when, uh, when someone is not

[12:13] keeping them honest, I could be wrong about that, but I feel like in his

[12:16] acting, either someone's keeping them honest or he's being like, I'm just

[12:20] going to Sue all my way through this one.

[12:22] So, uh, so Rufy here, Rufio, uh, he, he's playing a character named Charles.

[12:27] That's what his friends call him.

[12:29] Yep.

[12:29] He's, uh, he's playing a fellow named Charles.

[12:32] Who's a doctor.

[12:33] He's like the head surgeon.

[12:34] He's a big deal.

[12:35] And he's traveling with his elderly mother and her dog, his trophy

[12:39] wife and their young daughter.

[12:41] Um, they have very awkward interaction with the, uh, the guy working, uh,

[12:47] their, their server at the restaurant.

[12:49] It's terrible.

[12:49] Yeah.

[12:49] Well, she, she wants to make sure that, uh, the calcium bomb drink that she's

[12:54] getting is a real calcium bomb because she has a bone condition, which will

[12:58] manifest itself in a hilarious way later on.

[13:01] Very important.

[13:02] Uh, I hope she does not have bone itis.

[13:05] Yeah, no, she's like, she's like, I need calcium because I have Suspiria disease.

[13:11] So if you can make sure there's a lot of calcium in there, and then she's like,

[13:15] could you recommend anything to me from this?

[13:17] Do you recommend anything to me from this part of the menu in a way that like,

[13:21] like, so the guy would like lean over and it feels very like flirty and seductive.

[13:26] It's how I act when I get breakfast on fire Island.

[13:29] It also, but it seems kind of like, I don't see why this is a seduction

[13:34] technique, basically like you have lured the waiter like four inches closer to you.

[13:40] I guess that was the point of it, but

[13:42] so Dan, you'll learn this when you go back to school for your, for a year,

[13:47] but, uh, there's a zone of four inches away from every human body.

[13:50] It's called the erogenous zone.

[13:52] And when you're in that area, there's a heightened pheromonal attraction

[13:56] that is almost inescapable at times.

[13:58] And that's why, uh, that's why it takes such effort to get through a subway

[14:02] ride without an orgy breaking out.

[14:04] And that's why you have all those signs in the, in the subway that say that have

[14:07] a cross through two bodies doing it.

[14:09] That says not here, save it at home.

[14:12] And it says don't bone in the zone.

[14:14] Anyway, that's that don't blame me for the rhyme on that one.

[14:16] That's nyc.gov.

[14:18] It says don't bone in the zone.

[14:19] And they're saying that erogenous zone is not permission to just bone in public.

[14:22] You know, that explains it.

[14:23] Cause I, it's true that there's no time.

[14:25] I feel sexier than on the subway.

[14:28] Then you and you're crammed into that can of people.

[14:31] You really feeling myself?

[14:33] Hurdling through the worst smelling tunnels in the world.

[14:36] Yeah.

[14:36] New York's hottest movie, uh, taking a Pelham one, two, three.

[14:39] So, um, don't even get me started.

[14:41] So many hunks.

[14:42] Uh, so, uh, we are introduced to two more characters that will show up later.

[14:47] Uh, that's right.

[14:48] Jaron, the nurse and his epileptic wife, Patricia, the psychologist.

[14:54] Yeah.

[14:54] She has a epileptic fit.

[14:56] Luckily, Dr.

[14:57] Rufus Sewell is there to save her.

[14:59] And she has her, all he really does is, is, is tell, is tell

[15:02] him to keep stuff away from him.

[15:04] And you have to assume Jaron's like one.

[15:05] I'm a nurse too.

[15:06] I'm a husband.

[15:07] I know how to do this.

[15:08] And she has conversations.

[15:10] It's basically like, I'm a doctor.

[15:11] I'm a nurse.

[15:13] And she, and she has like, she has a full on, uh, like seizure and then

[15:17] is immediately quipping out of it.

[15:19] Like she's like, woo pops up.

[15:21] She's like, yeah, I got, glad I got the people in the back seemed a little

[15:24] too unconcerned about the seizure that was happening because they weren't like

[15:28] looking at it after a certain point.

[15:30] And I'm like, I don't know, man.

[15:31] Like there's two medical professionals on the scene.

[15:34] Like, that's the point at which I'm like, okay, I can go along with my life.

[15:39] Dan doesn't want to get hangry.

[15:41] Yeah.

[15:42] Well, and also you have to, but there's, I would, I would give them the

[15:44] benefit of the doubt that the person who's experiencing the fit is probably

[15:47] already feeling a sense of embarrassment that this is happening to them.

[15:50] Right.

[15:51] And so to, to not direct your attention to them when there's nothing

[15:54] you can do to help them anyway, it's probably the more polite

[15:56] thing to do in the moment.

[15:57] So, so Audrey take that.

[15:59] Okay.

[15:59] So, uh, two against one, my lovely wife.

[16:04] When someone's having a fit, it's not necessarily that she laser direct

[16:08] her focus on it the entire time.

[16:11] Yeah.

[16:11] We are waiting for the next time that we encounter an epileptic.

[16:14] Next time you're at this resort.

[16:15] Yeah.

[16:16] Yeah.

[16:16] We, and speaking of being in the resort, we're spending way too much time here.

[16:19] So let's get the fuck out of here.

[16:20] So the major D shows up and he offers the Kappa family a special trip to a special

[16:27] beach, a once in a lifetime opportunity.

[16:30] Uh, and he also gets mad at his nephew for hanging out with the guests.

[16:33] Um, so they are picked up, uh, by a van driver played by that's right.

[16:40] He's like, get in suckers.

[16:41] We're going to the beach.

[16:42] It makes you old.

[16:43] Here's, here's your first warning sign.

[16:44] Here's a red flag.

[16:45] If you're ever being driven somewhere, if M night Shyamalan gets into the

[16:48] driver's seat, you get out of that car.

[16:50] You do not want to be driven by this man because he's the director and

[16:52] he's driving you somewhere bad.

[16:54] The other warning sign is like, you know, the guy says like, Oh, I only tell the

[16:58] people I like about this beach.

[17:00] And then Rufus Sewell, who's seems unpleasant and his wife who seemed

[17:04] unpleasant are like some of the first into the van and you're like, Hmm, there's

[17:08] no way he likes that, but it's also, but he likes them.

[17:14] Why does he like us?

[17:15] We're so different or maybe we're not so different.

[17:18] Oh no.

[17:19] We have to do some soul searching.

[17:21] Well, that made me like for, for the first part of the, like something

[17:24] is going on and we'll get into it.

[17:25] But I was like, does he just send the people?

[17:28] He doesn't like to this death beach.

[17:30] Has he like, is he sentencing Gail Garcia, Bernal's family to death just

[17:36] because he didn't like that the kid made friends with his nephew?

[17:43] He went from table to table, checking the tip they left.

[17:45] And he's like, uh, I got a special beach for you.

[17:48] What's this?

[17:49] 30% you can stay at the hotel.

[17:50] He was checking to see what face they made when they drank

[17:52] their custom crafted cocktail.

[17:54] Oh, those custom crafted cocktails.

[17:57] This is a real puzzle movie.

[17:58] There's no extra pieces.

[18:00] So those custom crafted cocktails, CCC are going to be a little something special.

[18:05] We'll find out later.

[18:06] Okay.

[18:06] So, uh, the train, uh, the van driven by M night takes the

[18:10] Kappa family and the Rufus Sewell family to the old beach.

[18:13] They have to hike through the forest without a guide.

[18:15] Their path leads them through like this tight, tight crevice in

[18:19] the, this like massive cliff.

[18:21] I'm sorry.

[18:21] Another red flag warning is when your driver says, so everybody left their

[18:24] passports behind at the hotel, right?

[18:27] All your identifying documents.

[18:29] You don't take them with you.

[18:30] Great.

[18:30] Good.

[18:31] Fantastic.

[18:32] I'd also, and also, no, I won't help you carry those like oddly heavy baskets

[18:39] of food down to the beach with you.

[18:41] You're going to need that food.

[18:42] You're all going to be growing soon.

[18:43] I mean, you're growing now.

[18:46] Okay.

[18:46] So, uh, the beach, they get to the beach and you know what?

[18:49] It looks amazing guys.

[18:50] You can all agree.

[18:51] It looks amazing.

[18:52] It's isolated, idyllic paradise.

[18:54] There is one weird dude sitting there.

[18:56] That's fine.

[18:58] Pay no attention to him.

[19:00] Apparently been sitting there staring at the ocean since last night, all

[19:03] night and all morning.

[19:04] Yeah.

[19:05] Yeah.

[19:05] Um, okay.

[19:06] You also have to, here's my question.

[19:08] I was like, that beach is beautiful.

[19:10] Okay.

[19:10] Let's say you're hanging out there.

[19:12] What do you do after a certain amount of time?

[19:14] You go swimming a little bit.

[19:15] You sunbathe a little bit.

[19:16] You're playing the sand a little bit.

[19:17] That's about all you can do, right?

[19:18] Like it's not a huge beach.

[19:19] You're not going anywhere else.

[19:20] I mean, you just described a beach.

[19:22] I guess what we just got down to is I don't like the beach that much.

[19:24] I guess that's what we discovered.

[19:25] That's my motive.

[19:26] Yeah.

[19:27] They also, he also said like, you can call me and I'll come pick you up, which,

[19:31] which they didn't realize until they got there that they didn't have cell phone

[19:35] service.

[19:35] Oh, too old.

[19:38] Um, okay.

[19:40] So, uh, there's a beach as, as we'll find out later that the crevice they walk

[19:44] through create strange effects on human beings, but only when they're walking

[19:48] out of it, not when they're walking into it.

[19:51] It's a one way, it's a one way metaphysical.

[19:53] Well, is it like, is it like if you wait, what if, if you go down, if you go under

[19:59] water too,

[20:00] Fast or is it if you go up in water too fast? What's the difference?

[20:03] Uh, well if you go up you get the bends, um, if you go down do you get the I don't know

[20:10] Which is the opposite of the bench the shoe i'm not sure

[20:14] Okay, so they're not alone on the beach as I mentioned the the guy from the night before is sitting out on the beach

[20:18] And you know what?

[20:19] It turns out the kids recognize him because they uh, you know, they're hip turns out he is a well-known rapper named midsize sedan

[20:26] man

[20:28] Which is like a naked gun name for a yeah, that's the thing

[20:32] like

[20:34] We were both kind of like it's not

[20:36] You know, it's fine. Whatever put a joke in your movie. Like it feels a little bit like

[20:41] a joke that someone's like

[20:43] These rap people would make like it's got like a little like unpleasant aftertaste of that

[20:49] But also but it's also is it like how when comedy writers come up with a name for a porno? It's always a pun

[20:56] Yeah, yeah

[20:57] But it also just feels so as you say ali it's so out of place in the movie. The movie is otherwise

[21:05] Yeah, and as the movie goes on it gets more and more grim and bleak

[21:08] So to have this joke to have a character they might like they might have looked as well called him like little dog

[21:13] Little doggy dog pup face or something like that

[21:17] and later he's like

[21:18] Later, he reveals that he actually comes from a comfortable affluent background and it's like yeah with a name like midsize sedan

[21:24] Of course you did like that's not a street name. Like you're fooling. Nobody

[21:29] So, uh, the kids are running around mid-sized sedan

[21:32] They also they only call him mid-sized sedan from that point on they never call him

[21:36] Even when we found out his name is brendan. They only call him mid-sized sedan

[21:39] Uh, they play around with toys at one point. Uh, trent and his sister recreate a

[21:46] Argument between his parents using like uh, like a little robot like a little gun figures. Yep

[21:51] Um, they yeah, they recreate this dysfunctional marriage

[21:54] Uh, then uh, they also find some like discarded, uh hotel cutlery and other stuff from the hotel

[22:00] But it's like super old and rusty something's going on here much like the tin roof on the love shack. It is rusted

[22:10] So then trent goes off and starts swimming alone, uh

[22:13] And while he's swimming a naked dead woman bumps up against behind him bumps into him

[22:19] Uh, and it's the skinny dipping woman from the night before now dead, uh, that's a good that's a good uh

[22:24] That's a good creepy moment though. I'll say is he's playing you just see her head start to float behind him very

[22:30] uh

[22:32] Casually is the wrong word, but it's it's a one of the more subtle scare moments

[22:35] there's a later there's a there's a scene later on that also has a person go into the water and then get uh,

[22:42] Bumped into by a dead body and this was scarier than that

[22:45] Yeah

[22:47] Rating the scenes from old where someone bumps into a dead body in the water

[22:51] Um, okay. Okay the top 10 scenes from old where someone's swimming and a body bumps into him from behind

[22:58] So at this point mid-sized sedan who was there with this woman seems a little put out that they found her dead body

[23:05] Uh, and he just kind of behaves pretty weird in general like he doesn't seem upset

[23:10] and everybody else also

[23:13] Kind of like they're kind of taking it easy. They're like, let's cover her with a blanket. Let's see if we can call somebody

[23:20] uh, they don't immediately just like run I mean the other thing is like I I

[23:24] I couldn't ever tell like he was there all night

[23:28] but he

[23:30] doesn't

[23:31] Say like hey guys the weirdest thing happened

[23:33] I tried to leave and I couldn't at any or any of that like that doesn't happen right like

[23:38] Like he's been there all night

[23:40] Just hanging out

[23:43] A mid-sized sedan. He's got he's got he's you know, still waters run deep

[23:46] There's a lot going on in there that we don't have. Yeah, I guess and his nose keeps bleeding, you know, yeah, so okay

[23:52] Uh, yeah, they have no phone reception. Uh, another the other couple, uh, jaron and patricia from

[24:00] Breakfast show up. He's a nurse. Yeah

[24:03] Uh other other very weird other very strange things start to happen. The the kids swimsuits don't quite fit

[24:10] A mid-sized sedan's nose keeps bleeding quite fit

[24:13] then

[24:14] later on

[24:16] When they grow a lot more they still seem to be okay, like just like mildly uncomfortably tight

[24:22] And what's weird is that when when they get when they get uh spoilers they get old when

[24:27] When maddox ages into thomasine mckenzie

[24:30] They're like we got to get you in an adult swimsuit and they put her in a swimsuit that she's falling out of

[24:34] Much more than the than the one she was wearing before

[24:37] So it's it seems like uh, they probably could have gotten by with just buying and the the movie could have just had them

[24:42] wear the same swimsuit

[24:48] It is it is also funny because because

[24:52] Someone who's like, uh, someone at the beach saying oh my swimsuit's feeling too tight is also a is also a porno beginning

[24:59] Yes, this is true. That's true. Thank you for asking me king of pornos as the expert in the house

[25:05] Uh, okay the so yeah mid-sized sedan's nose keeps bleeding

[25:10] Uh, the old lady starts being more needy and then she stops breathing

[25:15] Yeah, that's the way it works

[25:16] More needy before you stop breathing

[25:18] And also if they try to leave the beach if they try and go back up that uh that path through the crack in the cliff

[25:24] Uh, they get these like horrible headaches and then they black out and find themselves back on the beach. Uh-oh

[25:30] I think we're stuck here

[25:32] They must be in a video game level

[25:34] But uh that it's the way it happens was very funny to me the first time where they're like walking through

[25:39] And then the camera starts shaking and it cuts to black

[25:41] And then they just wake up lying on the beach and I was like, okay, that's silly

[25:45] yeah, well and also to do that the the movie sort of

[25:50] Explains the beach later and I guess it's an open question whether like the explanation they come to for the beach

[25:57] Is actually the real explanation but

[26:00] I will say that if it is then this makes no sense. So they get somehow transported back in addition to blacking out

[26:06] But yeah, unless you want to believe that they like half consciously stumbled back

[26:11] To where to where they're from, but that's not but the movie gives us no reason to believe the movie

[26:15] We are about to get to the actual reveal. Okay, so let's okay. Okay, let's do it. Let's reveal it

[26:20] Uh, so at this point

[26:23] Maddox and trent the the two kids are talking to jaron and patricia and they're doing the same game

[26:28] They do with all these strangers. They ask them their name and occupations

[26:32] And then what does jaron do wait? I'm curious. What is jaron? I I don't know if we cover this jaron's a nurse

[26:37] Okay, so right. Oh good good. I wasn't sure jaron turns the game around and this time he's like, let me guess your ages

[26:45] uh, and he guesses

[26:47] About five years older than their actual ages and this whole scene is kind of interesting because it's shot behind the kids heads

[26:53] We're looking at jaron and patricia's faces and they seem very confused

[26:56] They're like m night is like i'm saving this fucking reveal, baby

[27:00] This is the last possible moment even though the movie's called old i'm saving this reveal until the last possible

[27:06] Camera is drifting back and forth like

[27:09] Obscuring their faces for so long. I love it that like I you know

[27:15] I I actually think that I like the way this movie is shot sort of dreamily and elliptically and like I think

[27:21] It looks great. Yeah, but this is one point where i'm just like shouting get to it, man

[27:26] Oh m night is just edging you so hard with this reveal

[27:29] So just teasing you so much just won't let you have it. Yeah, so prisca and guy come around they find their kids

[27:35] But are they their kids because they're like five years older. We have our first actor swap here

[27:41] Yeah, these kids are five years older than they were before

[27:44] Uh, they're biggins and uh

[27:48] A terrible way to describe it now. We've gotten into the aging. I just want to take a moment to say that like

[27:54] the aging

[27:55] In this movie is all over the place now

[27:58] I understand that when you're a kid like there are huge developmental changes like year to year sometimes even month to month

[28:06] but

[28:07] Or or minutes a minute if you're on a beach that

[28:10] Magically makes you older

[28:11] But given some of the stuff that happens later on and how quickly it starts happening

[28:17] the adults

[28:19] Seem to take forever to age like they look

[28:22] Basically the same

[28:24] Never ages at any point. Yeah, this this movie is a real advertisement for whatever rufus

[28:28] Sewell is doing because he looks exactly the same throughout the entirety of the movie

[28:33] Yeah, man. Yeah, even as he is aging decades within hours. He's you know, yeah, man. Yeah, give me some of that. Um, okay

[28:40] uh, so

[28:42] and

[28:44] This I feel I will say I feel gross saying this but so, um

[28:48] So, uh, go say it play abby lee who plays who plays the wife of rufus wool

[28:53] She is wearing a bikini almost the entire movie. She and at other points. Maybe she has like a light beach wrap over it

[29:00] Crystal and there's part of me that wonder the whole time. I was like, oh crystals. They're all gonna age

[29:05] They're all gonna be replaced by old people and she never is just like rufus

[29:09] And I started to wonder

[29:11] Is this movie refusing to age her the way it should be?

[29:14] Because it doesn't want to show you an elderly woman in a bikini and I couldn't tell if that was me being gross

[29:19] by assuming the movie would would would be too crass to be like we don't want to see that or if that was me like

[29:26] I couldn't tell but it seemed like I couldn't be a I wouldn't be supposed to that

[29:29] Played some part in their decision. Yeah, I mean it is like

[29:33] Her aging is weird because she basically just like she looks the same

[29:38] But she has like some crow's feet and then and like bonitus her bonitus

[29:46] Yeah, but she like and her makeup runs quite a bit yeah, she turns into kind of a ms. Havisham

[29:55] Yeah, yeah, yeah she but but there's but it was uh, but there I couldn't help but wondering like if

[30:00] I couldn't help but wonder if it was like the movie,

[30:02] even for this movie that wants to shock and horrify,

[30:05] the thing that would really horrify the audience,

[30:07] and the actual body of an elderly woman, naturally,

[30:11] they wouldn't go that far.

[30:11] That was too terrifying for the American audience

[30:15] or the world audience, was to see the actual effect

[30:17] of aging on a human woman.

[30:18] I couldn't tell if that was their thinking.

[30:19] I mean, it's also quite possible that they're like,

[30:22] we have an actress, she's committed to this character,

[30:26] we wanna let her play the character

[30:28] throughout the whole span of the character.

[30:30] That's possible too, possible.

[30:32] Okay.

[30:32] When you're dealing with a legend like Abby Lee.

[30:34] Yeah.

[30:35] So they, hey, she's in Fury Road, the movie rules.

[30:37] They keep trying to go through the path.

[30:41] They keep Black Accountant ending up

[30:42] in a big pile on the beach.

[30:44] It's pretty funny.

[30:46] At some point, right around here, like Rufus Sewell,

[30:49] which we've already suspected,

[30:51] has some kind of like a memory loss.

[30:54] He doesn't quite know what's going on.

[30:57] He has like a flick knife and he,

[31:01] like a folding knife and he pulls it out

[31:03] and he attacks midsize sedan with no provocation,

[31:06] slashing him across the face.

[31:08] And we're like, oh my God.

[31:09] But then when midsize sedan removes his hand,

[31:12] the cut is already healed and scarred.

[31:15] So they are aging at a cellular level, everybody.

[31:19] Wow.

[31:20] So that's what is happening.

[31:21] Yeah, I don't think this-

[31:21] Everybody on this beach is aging super fast.

[31:24] I don't think this makes sense, guys.

[31:25] I'll tell you why.

[31:27] Tell us why, Dan,

[31:28] because I think it makes perfect sense.

[31:29] I'll take the devil's advocate position on this.

[31:31] I'll tell you why it doesn't make sense.

[31:31] As they address later on,

[31:32] just to give everybody an understanding,

[31:34] they ascertain that because there's plenty

[31:37] of medical professionals, we have a nurse.

[31:40] And also the-

[31:41] And the head of surgery.

[31:43] Oh, yes.

[31:44] And also an archeologist.

[31:45] And an actuary.

[31:46] Yeah, the archeologist, actually, yeah, it's all-

[31:49] The archeologist is there when they find-

[31:50] An archeologist, an actuary, and a head of surgery,

[31:52] all walking to a beach.

[31:54] Yeah.

[31:55] And they get old.

[31:56] When they find the bones of the woman who drowned,

[31:57] she can use her archeological training

[32:00] to explain how old those bones must be now.

[32:03] Every part of the buffalo, this movie.

[32:05] No, but, no, I just, I want to say,

[32:07] like, they're like, oh, dead things don't age.

[32:12] Like, that's one of the things that they try and say.

[32:14] Well, we can all agree, Dan,

[32:16] that kids shouldn't play with dead things.

[32:18] Let's start from there.

[32:19] We can all agree with that.

[32:20] And just to give everybody an understanding,

[32:22] they say that 30 minutes equals one year.

[32:26] Yes.

[32:27] So they extrapolate from there.

[32:29] So if you ordered a Domino's pizza,

[32:32] they should say you'll get it in one year or less,

[32:35] or your money back.

[32:36] Oh, they should say that, yeah.

[32:36] Which gives them a huge margin of error.

[32:37] If you're delivering it to the old beach,

[32:39] which sucks, because then you can't leave.

[32:41] Just let me get at this nitpicky point,

[32:44] which is not important.

[32:45] Stewart, isn't this beach the ultimate noid?

[32:48] If you order a Domino's pizza to it?

[32:50] It is.

[32:51] It will ruin your pizza.

[32:52] What were we talking about?

[32:53] Because you interrupted me so many times.

[32:56] You're talking about,

[32:56] you're thinking about the science behind this.

[32:57] Something about the movie doesn't make sense.

[32:59] Yeah.

[32:59] Well, no, but what were we talking about specifically?

[33:01] What was the...

[33:03] About him getting slashed and healing immediately.

[33:05] Oh, healing, yeah.

[33:06] So this movie makes a big point about,

[33:09] oh, our fingernails and hair aren't growing,

[33:13] even though time is passing,

[33:15] because that's dead thing.

[33:17] We're aging.

[33:18] We're aging.

[33:19] It's not that time is speeding up.

[33:20] And yet, you heal faster because you're aging so quickly.

[33:25] And also, Alex Wolff has a fucking five o'clock shadow

[33:28] the whole time.

[33:31] I think that I'm gonna be charitable to the movie

[33:33] and say that what's happening is so inexplicable

[33:37] that the theories they're spinning out

[33:39] are attempting to find logic in a situation

[33:41] that doesn't actually, isn't run by logic.

[33:42] There's some kind of eldritch non-Euclidean geometry

[33:46] from beyond the stars that's at work here.

[33:48] But you're right.

[33:48] The movie does seem to not understand

[33:50] what constitutes aging and what doesn't constitute aging.

[33:53] And they're like, well, maybe only dead,

[33:55] maybe because those are dead cells, they don't age.

[33:57] It's like, well, this body just rotted away in an hour.

[34:00] So Mr. Nurse, what does that have to do with your theory?

[34:04] Also, when your hair and your nails grow,

[34:07] it's not the dead part that's growing.

[34:09] It's the living part, like the nail bed, right?

[34:11] And the hair follicle.

[34:13] So this guy, take away his nurse's license.

[34:14] He should not be theorizing about this.

[34:17] Well, later on, something so medically comical happens,

[34:20] but we'll get to it.

[34:22] So, Midsize Sedan reveals that he is sick.

[34:26] He only came to this resort

[34:27] because he got a diagnosis for a blood clotting disease.

[34:31] And that he only ended up on this beach

[34:33] because he met the poor woman who died

[34:36] and they bonded over having similar, they both had issues.

[34:40] She just got a diagnosis for MS.

[34:42] I do have in my notes that maybe they bonded

[34:44] over the fact that Midsize Sedan, MSS,

[34:46] maybe they bonded over MS, who knows?

[34:48] That's possible.

[34:49] She said, I have MS.

[34:51] And he goes, me too, midsize.

[34:53] And she said, that's not what I mean.

[34:54] I mean, multiple sclerosis.

[34:55] And he goes, oh, that's too bad.

[34:57] And then they hit it off from there and went to the beach.

[34:59] Later on, he goes to, I don't know,

[35:02] pay final respects or something.

[35:03] And he lifts up the towel that her dead body is covered in

[35:08] and is of course shocked to see

[35:10] that her body is rotted away,

[35:11] which was just weird because I'm like, what was he,

[35:14] like, was he like, oh, great, a dead body?

[35:16] Like, I don't know, like, who looks under that?

[35:19] Who just decides like, I want to go look at a dead body.

[35:21] I don't know.

[35:22] Maybe he wants a pay final respects.

[35:24] Yeah.

[35:25] Yeah, maybe.

[35:26] I will say to anyone who's listening to this

[35:27] who has received a diagnosis of MS,

[35:29] you don't need to go to that beach,

[35:31] a beach resort where people turn old.

[35:32] A number of members of my family have been diagnosed

[35:34] and with modern medication, they're doing great.

[35:36] They're living normal lives.

[35:37] So don't go to that old person beach.

[35:39] You don't have to.

[35:40] Just go to a real doctor.

[35:41] Don't go to Rufus Sewell.

[35:42] He's a crazy doctor, as we'll find out

[35:44] as the movie goes on.

[35:46] He's a Dr. Giggles.

[35:48] So they-

[35:49] He's so funny, he pulled out his medical degree

[35:57] and it says, oh, he says,

[35:58] oh, well, I went to the University of Giggles medical school.

[36:02] They're like, that degree is printed

[36:03] on the back of Larry Drake's headshot.

[36:06] Oh yeah, well, I studied under Dr. Giggles.

[36:08] Dr. Irwin Giggles.

[36:10] So they, the small dog that had accompanied Rufus Sewell

[36:16] elderly mother dies.

[36:18] They don't show it.

[36:19] Hey, they don't show it.

[36:20] Good job, movie.

[36:21] They, the kids start to like explore their emotional states

[36:25] because as they're getting older,

[36:26] their brains are also developing.

[36:27] Although they're still basically children,

[36:30] their brains are developing faster

[36:32] than they experience things.

[36:34] Yeah.

[36:35] And that was, that was the concept

[36:36] that I wish they could have explored more in this.

[36:38] Like, it's not the kind of move to explore,

[36:39] but the idea of like, that you are,

[36:41] your hormones are affecting the way you think faster

[36:45] than you can really process it

[36:46] because you don't have years to,

[36:49] that's like an interesting idea

[36:50] that the movie just uses as an excuse

[36:52] to have a pregnancy erupt.

[36:55] But other, you know, it's.

[36:56] But I mean, also they like play fast and loose

[36:58] where like, sometimes it seems like these are like

[37:01] child minds and like aging bodies.

[37:03] But then by the end of the movie,

[37:05] they seem like pretty functional, normal adults.

[37:09] They're just middle-aged adults, yeah.

[37:10] Yeah, but also like, this is,

[37:13] think until you make it, Dan, that's the thing.

[37:15] I keep forgetting what I,

[37:16] what point I wanted to make right in the middle.

[37:18] So, oh no, I know what it was.

[37:20] It's just like this, this developing hormones,

[37:22] like, I want to take a moment to talk about

[37:25] the dialogue in this movie

[37:27] because it does feel like it was written by a robot.

[37:29] How realistic it is.

[37:31] Because like, when Thompson Mackenzie is like,

[37:34] or maybe it's the other girl, I think it's Thompson.

[37:37] She's like, oh, I feel different.

[37:40] Like earlier in the day,

[37:42] it was like my emotions were like,

[37:45] fewer colors, but stronger.

[37:47] But now there's, you know, like,

[37:49] more colors. There's more colors, but weaker.

[37:51] Weaker, and it's just like,

[37:53] I don't believe that this is how

[37:56] this character would express this feeling.

[37:59] Like, it's very clunkily, like, I don't know.

[38:04] Some of the way that exposition is given

[38:06] or people talk about their emotions even

[38:09] feel like they're reading out of, like,

[38:11] instruction manual for, like,

[38:14] their home theater surround system.

[38:16] Yeah, I think if it was a more mannered movie,

[38:18] if it was more consistent, then I would buy that.

[38:21] I would buy, this is just, that's the tone of this movie.

[38:23] That's the way this movie operates.

[38:25] But there's a, yeah, there's a number of lines like that

[38:28] that are clunkers, almost up to the level

[38:30] of in the happening when John Leguizamo goes,

[38:31] they say they're in the town of Princeton.

[38:34] And it's like, yeah, you can just say Princeton.

[38:36] This is New Jersey.

[38:37] Everyone knows where Princeton is, but.

[38:38] So it's funny that Elliot said the word operate

[38:41] because this is when we get to the good stuff.

[38:43] Because Pris is aging faster.

[38:45] And so is that little tumor that's growing in her stomach.

[38:48] She has cancer.

[38:49] That's why she's on this old beach.

[38:51] So her tumor keeps growing faster and faster.

[38:53] They can feel it getting bigger.

[38:54] It's nuts.

[38:55] She, so they.

[38:56] And Rufus Will keeps announcing how large it is,

[38:59] which is hilarious.

[39:00] It's like, what's the size of a cantaloupe now?

[39:03] So they, and then she passes out.

[39:06] And so they got to operate.

[39:08] They have a little bit of booze.

[39:09] They have Rufus Sewell's knife,

[39:10] and they have a lot of excitement.

[39:12] They got a lot of energy.

[39:13] So they slice open her little tummy,

[39:17] but Rufus Sewell's having these memory hiccups.

[39:19] He keeps talking about a movie

[39:20] of Jack Nicholson and Marlon Brando.

[39:22] So frustrating.

[39:23] He goes out of nowhere.

[39:24] He goes, Jack Nicholson made a movie with Marlon Brando.

[39:27] Did you know that?

[39:27] As if that's a bonkers thing to happen.

[39:30] And he keeps wondering the name of the movie.

[39:32] And so the whole movie, I was going, the Missouri breaks.

[39:35] Rufus, it's the Missouri breaks.

[39:36] We're thinking of the Missouri breaks.

[39:38] The Missouri breaks.

[39:39] And no one ever knows the answer in the movie.

[39:40] So I didn't even get-

[39:41] Yes, too bad he couldn't hear you.

[39:43] I was like, movie, it's the Missouri breaks.

[39:45] Yeah, yeah.

[39:46] So they slice into her stomach.

[39:49] Of course, the wound closes immediately.

[39:51] Yeah, she's healing too fast.

[39:52] Yeah, she's healing too fast.

[39:53] Because of time.

[39:54] Because that's part of aging.

[39:57] So what they have to do,

[39:59] they end up slicing-

[40:00] Open her stomach and holding open the cut so they can cut out this rapidly growing tumor and that's great. That's cool

[40:07] It's gross. It's yours. It's a super gross cool thing to have to do. There's another moment. It's gross. Yeah, it's all where the nursing

[40:13] license should be revoked cuz like he reaches in to get the

[40:19] Tumor and he's like it's attached to something

[40:22] Muscle tissue and I'm like, yeah, that's how tumors work man. They're attached to things. They're not like free-floating in the body

[40:30] It's not like they're not like boba bubbles just kind of like a bopping around in there

[40:34] But I would thought you're gonna say that it was that he's clearly tickling her when when he sticks his hand inside

[40:38] Which is unethical. That's unprofessional. It's a little crimes of the future for you. Yeah

[40:43] I

[40:44] Could use like at least one more shot of this giant tumor being like tossed away or something

[40:49] That's what I'm looking for in a movie. So or the tumor aging into like some sort of yeah

[40:54] Like grow old legs and arms and running around like I'm the old beach

[40:58] The tumor suddenly grows a long beard and little bifocals that it came

[41:03] Yeah

[41:05] Okay, so Prisco wakes up

[41:09] Guy explains that they had to cut out the tumor and she

[41:13] Just wakes up because they cut the tumor out. I don't know the size of that

[41:18] It was the tumor is growing on her sleepy

[41:23] It was weighing on her on her sleepy spot, yeah, yeah

[41:27] Okay, so and this is around where they find this is around plot wise where they find the the

[41:34] Remains of the woman who died swimming. They they figure out their math. Everything's good. They figured out exactly 30

[41:43] 30 minutes equals one year of life. Now's where things get fun because

[41:49] Trent and Cara the daughter of Ruva Sewell come out a little tent

[41:54] They're hanging out in and you know, what? Whoopsie doodles car is super pregnant

[41:59] and he's like he's like

[42:01] He's like we only did it once don't you have to do it like ten times to make a baby and they're like no

[42:06] We never talked to you about it because you were so young. Oh, no. Oh, no, and it was like, what is this?

[42:11] This is ridiculous. Yeah, it is very ridiculous and

[42:16] Weird and oh boy thumbs up movie. You did something strange

[42:21] So

[42:23] They're like this baby is coming now

[42:25] I feel like losing your virginity on the beach while your mom feet away is getting a tumor removed

[42:31] which is like the kind of thing that you hear at like a

[42:35] Storytelling show like when people tell like embarrassing tales of their past it's like you'll never believe how I lost my virginity

[42:41] Anyway, my mom was having last-minute surgery, but I didn't know I was in a tent and I was on this

[42:46] We're on this beach that makes the old, you know, we were on this old beach

[42:50] We're on this old beach. Okay, so they they need to deliver this baby

[42:53] Rufus Sewell's obviously stressed out at this point and he says my favorite line of the movie goes let's focus on the issue at hand

[43:00] Does anyone know about movies?

[43:07] That would be my job

[43:10] Everybody's occupation matters and this is

[43:15] Missouri breaks

[43:17] It's okay, I'm a podcaster. Let me explain. It's the Missouri breaks

[43:22] Okay, so they deliver the baby which dies immediately

[43:27] Because it's so ridiculous. It's so ridiculous. And this is when the movie I feel like

[43:32] Jumped jumped the the elderly shark for me where it went from being like, okay

[43:36] This is kind of a fun kind of like mind game of how is this gonna work out between these?

[43:40] Yeah to oh, okay

[43:42] This is just a gross bleak movie like everything everything's just gonna be bleak and unlike unlike I'm unfun from now on, you know, yeah

[43:50] Cuz the baby the baby came out age too fast, and I guess they couldn't give it they say

[43:56] They go they go put it down for a minute and they go he didn't get it goes according to the math

[44:01] He didn't get attention for a week. And again, like it's the bet the baby's aging

[44:05] It's not that the baby is experiencing time faster than they are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

[44:09] Another thing that doesn't make sense

[44:11] This is also why skin to skin is so important right after birth take that baby put it on the mother's chest

[44:16] I'm gonna latch. This is important stuff. You gotta read that context. I'm gonna take thanks for it

[44:21] Thanks for keeping it real. I'm gonna take a brave stance against having babies on the old movies

[44:28] Yeah, it's never fun when a baby dies in a movie

[44:30] But um, but also it just feels like a weird missed opportunity for this premise like yeah, baby should be aging too

[44:38] Exactly that's I I was like, oh is this movie gonna be about generations of people growing up on this old beach?

[44:45] Yeah, but like no, it's I think I'm not Shyamalan is just it's a shock shock kind of like her

[44:51] And so he's not really that interested in that

[44:53] He just wants to I I wouldn't be surprised if he feels like he wrote himself into a corner at that moment

[44:57] He just was like get rid of this, baby

[45:01] I like the idea of like this rapidly aging society that like grows over time almost like

[45:07] Almost like that George R.R. Martin short story Sand Kings which fucking rules

[45:11] It's although I now that I realize it then you have a story where?

[45:14] Someone has to teach like a 10 or 15 year old how to put how to use the potty and talk and walk and things like

[45:20] That and I don't watch that movie either

[45:22] I wonder if I'm not Shyamalan was like, oh now I've got this baby on the beach and it's gonna age really fast

[45:28] Should I have Rufus Sewell ask it what movie Jack Nicholson and Marlon Brando were in and then he gets so mad when it can't answer

[45:34] That he hurls it into the ocean

[45:36] Gets up and walks out of the ocean. It's like I'm sick of these people

[45:40] Okay

[45:41] Let's see. So

[45:44] Crystal is obviously upset because her daughter just gave birth and her granddaughter died

[45:48] So she explains to Maddox. She tells her Giuseppe speech about an old boyfriend

[45:57] Basically say she dated a man who was not handsome enough for her even though she loved him and I she has to be imagining

[46:03] Well, if I married him, I wouldn't be on this old beach right now

[46:09] Based on her her the rest of her story for crystal

[46:12] This is like this is like a like a like a Dark Souls boss where you walk into the boss chamber

[46:18] She tells this weird story about Giuseppe and then freaks out attacks you

[46:23] People talk about Giuseppe a lot in Dark Souls

[46:27] Crystal would cuz that like you know, I mean it doesn't necessarily make sense at the time

[46:31] But then afterwards you're like, oh, yeah

[46:32] I read all the item descriptions after I killed crystal and got her weapon set and explains about her lover

[46:37] Giuseppe you just wasn't attractive enough for but you know in the moment

[46:41] You're just like I got to figure out what her move set is

[46:43] I got to figure out if I'm gonna be dodging attacking if she has some kind of bleed attack and what her weaknesses are

[46:47] Cuz I don't want to just waste my afternoon doing boss runs on this one

[46:55] Look I don't want to be too American centric like Giuseppe is like a perfectly common

[47:01] Name, but in the context of this character for her to be like there used to be a man

[47:05] I was in love with Giuseppe

[47:09] Think of a less like like sort of a name that doesn't stick out so much as I did

[47:14] I have to admit and this is me being an American ethno centric bad person

[47:18] Also, I did imagine that he was like an organ grinder or sold ice cream out of a cart, you know

[47:24] Is a very like it to to Americans is like a very old-fashioned like we're in Pinocchio now

[47:31] Crystal why you leave me? We're so good together. I'm sorry, Giuseppe. You're just not handsome enough. Oh, you're right

[47:37] I cannot be no more handsome

[47:39] I can only be who I am. I'm a Giuseppe and then Giuseppe's mother runs out and goes crystal my Giuseppe

[47:44] He's a good boy. Give him another chance

[47:46] Giuseppe's like don't forget about me and please take care of your bone itis

[47:51] Make sure the calcium bomb has a real calcium a bomb in it

[47:57] Explosion of calcium so

[47:59] Needless to say not everybody's taking this super well least of all Rufus Sewell who finally loses it

[48:04] He pulls out his knife and he he kills mid-sized sedan with his knife

[48:09] And then he goes and he wanders off and he sits up against the cliff lost with his rapidly aging brain

[48:16] Only to show up later on when they need him to be scary again

[48:20] Jaron decides I'm gonna swim for it

[48:22] So he says goodbye to everybody and he goes to swim to try and go get help that needless to say does not work out

[48:28] No, he floats back

[48:30] They start to figure out that there may be a conspiracy that each

[48:34] that at least one member of each group had some kind of medical condition and

[48:38] That they may that they may have been placed here by the resort the resort took care of everything today

[48:44] I think Prisca found out about this place based on the receipt

[48:48] She got from a pharmacy, which is like, how do you have the time to read a fucking pharmacy receipt? Those things are like

[48:54] Super long they're very long and and who is who is taking their vacation recommendations from the pharmacy receipt?

[49:00] That's it. Okay, 99 cent bounty paper towels. All right. It's a sale on chips. Ahoy

[49:04] Oh, there's some sort of exclusive elite resort very expensive that I could go to. Thanks, Dwayne Reed

[49:13] Okay, Prisca and her daughter

[49:15] Maddox have a heart-to-heart where they talk about how the marriage is falling apart and it was based

[49:21] Partly due to her illness and partly due to an infidelity on her part and

[49:28] Maddox like I'm just gonna need some time to work this out and they're like, but we don't have time

[49:33] But don't worry. They figure it all out in the end

[49:35] Maddox goes swimming to deal with while thinking about her mom and of course bumps into Jaron's dead body

[49:42] Being a nurse didn't help him

[49:44] Oh

[49:50] Not bad voice work, yeah, so Trent Trent and Carl wander off and they bury the dusty old bones of their little baby

[50:00] Oh, it happened in the movie.

[50:02] I I'm just saying, uh, uh, car car decides car is sick of this beach.

[50:07] So she decides to just climb that cliff while everybody

[50:09] tries to talk her out of it.

[50:10] Yeah.

[50:11] She, of course, passes out while climbing falls.

[50:14] Yeah.

[50:14] She does a good job for a while.

[50:16] She's like a really good, talented free climber.

[50:18] But yeah, yeah.

[50:19] Yeah.

[50:20] Then she, she should have been on American Ninja warrior.

[50:22] A few state and falls backwards and dies.

[50:24] Yeah.

[50:25] It's all about grip strength.

[50:26] Um, then Patricia's like, I'm going to go swim forward too.

[50:30] And I have these floaties and then she has an epileptic seizure and dies.

[50:34] Um, uh, this is a real culling of the herd, uh, segment of the movie.

[50:40] Uh, I think it was very funny that she doesn't even get into the water.

[50:43] There's just like anytime someone at this point, anytime someone tries to escape

[50:48] there, the movie just goes and you're dead.

[50:51] A guy loses, starts to lose his vision.

[50:54] He needs glasses, but guess what?

[50:56] They don't have on old beach, a lens crafters.

[51:00] Correct.

[51:01] Crystal is now at this point, crystal is like old.

[51:03] She's kind of, she needs her calcium.

[51:06] She's wandering the beach, uh, like, uh, she's retreated to her cave.

[51:12] Yeah.

[51:12] She gets in a cave later.

[51:14] Yeah.

[51:14] Guy and Prisca address their marital problems and they kind

[51:17] of set things right between them.

[51:18] This is the moment they needed to have.

[51:20] It's very sweet.

[51:21] I will say that they kind of recommit that, that they, they reach within a

[51:25] day, they have reached the level that old people are at where these things

[51:29] that were so, uh, so visceral and important in the past, they no longer

[51:33] remember them or feel the same feelings.

[51:35] And they come to terms about it.

[51:36] And I thought that, I thought this part was actually very sweet, but maybe it,

[51:39] maybe it just seems sweeter when cast in sharp relief by all the

[51:43] goofiness that's going on.

[51:44] Well, I mean, I, I, I both like, they're also great actors.

[51:47] They're also really great actors.

[51:49] Yes.

[51:50] Uh, I, I, I both like it and it is another moment where I'm like, okay, so

[51:56] wait, what's the logic of this?

[51:59] Like, yeah, they're aging fast, but does that mean that they like come

[52:03] to terms with their life faster?

[52:06] Like, like they seem to have, like, everyone seems to reach like develop

[52:11] mental milestones in their brain that are certainly part of aging, like

[52:18] physical, but also part of it is like going through life experiences and

[52:22] they're experiencing all of this, not in real time, but in accelerated times.

[52:26] That's true.

[52:27] I will mention that it is a magic beach.

[52:29] Yeah.

[52:29] It is a magic beach.

[52:30] I kind of see it as like, like they're tired.

[52:33] Cause they're older now.

[52:35] And they're like, why, why, like, it's hard to get my, uh, hard to get worked up.

[52:41] Until of course, slithering out of the darkness comes Rufus Sewell, uh, and he

[52:47] starts attacking Guy and Prisca with his knife, but again, the cuts heal almost

[52:50] as soon as they are made, because he has switched to slashing mode instead of piercing mode.

[52:56] Yeah, exactly.

[52:57] Um, and, and, and he can barely see, and she can barely hear at this point.

[53:02] So as Yanta would say in Fiddler on the Roof, they're a perfect match.

[53:05] Mm-hmm.

[53:05] Yeah.

[53:06] Um, the kids go...

[53:07] That was inspiration for Hear No Evil, See No Evil, starring Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder.

[53:13] Someone saw the movie old and then said, I know what I have to do, built a time

[53:17] machine, and then went back in time to give that idea to Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor.

[53:22] Uh, the kids go running off, uh, to hide in a cave where they get attacked by,

[53:26] uh, Crystal, who has become, uh, Mrs.

[53:29] Glass.

[53:30] Yeah.

[53:31] I mean, she's, she's com- she's a combination of Mr.

[53:34] Glass and, uh, what's her name?

[53:35] Groga from Dark Crystal.

[53:37] Just kind of shambling around.

[53:38] Which, naming this character Crystal, very funny choice.

[53:42] Um, cause her bones shatter like crystals as she drops a rock on herself.

[53:46] Uh, but the problem is each time she breaks a bone, it heals almost immediately.

[53:50] So her body's all twisted.

[53:52] Um...

[53:53] She's coming at them like through the cave, like, uh, yeah, a demon who, who is

[53:58] slowly like twisting itself.

[54:01] And it really is.

[54:02] I mean, we've made the joke several times, but it really is like, look, look up the

[54:05] episode of Futurama where the guy has bonitis and he just like twists into different shapes.

[54:12] If you, if you're looking for the cartoon version, watch the bonitis.

[54:14] If you're looking for a more upsetting version, watch, uh, the Suspiria remake.

[54:18] And then she dies.

[54:20] Last words on her lips, of course, Giuseppe.

[54:22] Um, okay.

[54:23] Yeah.

[54:23] And she, and this, and this is the way her body is twisted and all these different

[54:27] twists is a pretty, is a real good scare special effect.

[54:30] It looks really, it looks, it's a really good horror look.

[54:33] And so it's, it's dumb the way they got there, but I was like, you know what?

[54:36] That's a creepy way to destroy a human body in a movie.

[54:39] I'll give you credit, Knight.

[54:39] Uh, and then, so it looks like, uh, yeah.

[54:42] So Rufus will keep slashing away at a guy and then Priscus shows up and

[54:47] stabs him with a rusty knife.

[54:48] The problem is that she explains rust poisons your blood, so the, he, it

[54:54] doesn't heal and he, uh, gets all poisoned and dies, which I don't believe

[54:59] is true, but whatever, it was kind of funny.

[55:02] She is an archeologist.

[55:04] So, you know, I mean, rust is not good for you to get in your blood.

[55:06] Like that's how you get tetanus, right?

[55:08] Tetanus.

[55:08] Yeah.

[55:09] I'm not really sure.

[55:10] Yeah.

[55:10] I'm not sure.

[55:10] Like rust poisons, your blood is the way to say it, but I don't know that the, I

[55:15] don't know that it would then rush through your body thanks to the effects

[55:18] of ultra aging and instantly kill you.

[55:20] But you know, it's a movie.

[55:22] Yeah.

[55:23] Yep.

[55:23] It's game over for Rufus Sewell.

[55:25] Okay.

[55:25] So again, culling of the herd, uh, the, they, um, according to IMDb goofs,

[55:31] rust does not poison the blood.

[55:32] Yeah.

[55:32] It can contain bacteria, which can lead to death, but still not poisoning the

[55:36] blood, thanks to the IMDb user who put that there.

[55:38] Yeah.

[55:38] So the only people left alive are the Kappas.

[55:41] They're hanging out on the beach.

[55:42] It's a nighttime.

[55:44] The Kappas are now a nice old couple.

[55:46] They're tired and spacey.

[55:48] And then they both get a little bit too old and they die.

[55:51] Uh, it's sad, but you know, whatever they, you know, they die as they live a

[55:54] little too bit too old.

[55:56] And the next morning, uh, the next morning Maddox and Trent are hanging out on the

[56:00] beach.

[56:01] They're now in their like fifties.

[56:03] And at this point, let me just point out that, uh, the Trent character was like a

[56:07] little kid and they got slightly older and then he became Alex Wolfe.

[56:10] Okay.

[56:11] That's not bad.

[56:12] And then his next stage when he's in his fifties, also hot.

[56:15] So good luck with that, man.

[56:16] Alex Wolfe, you're going to be hot when you're 50.

[56:18] Um, uh, so they, they decide to make a sandcastle before they try to escape one

[56:24] last time.

[56:25] Cause you know what?

[56:27] All they got is time, right guys?

[56:28] Yeah.

[56:29] Uh, no, it's the opposite of what they have.

[56:32] And then, uh, after they make their sandcastle, Trent remembers that Idlib

[56:36] made a little coded message that he never solved.

[56:39] So he decides to solve that bad boy real quick.

[56:41] And you know what it says?

[56:43] My uncle doesn't like the coral.

[56:47] Yeah.

[56:47] Be a little more helpful.

[56:48] A little kid.

[56:49] Logically.

[56:51] No.

[56:52] So before this point, uh, the two kids have postulated, especially after they

[56:56] found a notebook left behind by a previous victim, they've postulated that

[56:59] there's some mineral or something in the beach that makes them old and that maybe

[57:03] if they had a metal tube, some kind of shielding, like an X-ray technician uses,

[57:08] maybe they could protect themselves from the aging rays being shot at

[57:13] them from the beach minerals.

[57:14] Yeah.

[57:14] Cause they found, they found a journal from a past victim of the old beach that

[57:18] was very exhaustive in cataloging the effects.

[57:21] Yeah.

[57:21] And had a few ideas for science fiction, short stories.

[57:25] So they decided to go swimming for the coral.

[57:28] They swim, they find a coral tunnel and swim through that.

[57:31] Maddox's coverup gets snagged.

[57:33] Looks like they've drowned.

[57:34] Movie's over.

[57:35] Oh, I will say IMDB does point out factual errors.

[57:38] Coral is easily breakable.

[57:40] Yeah.

[57:41] Um, but anyway, but maybe, maybe, you know, maybe they're not strong swimmers.

[57:45] So, uh, we find out that this whole time M.

[57:49] Knight has been up on a bluff watching them, uh, from like an observation point.

[57:53] And he reports that the kids died and that they were part of trial 73, meaning

[57:58] I'm assuming there were at least 72 before this one, and then he packs up his

[58:03] shit and he heads back to the top secret lab filled with scientists.

[58:07] They're testing rocks, making custom cocktails.

[58:09] And we see that the major D is also like the leader of this

[58:13] team, which seems hilarious.

[58:15] Yes, it does.

[58:16] We're going to have to spend a little time unpacking the

[58:19] explanation we're about to get.

[58:20] But, uh, yeah, this, this is, yeah.

[58:22] Finish the explanation so that, yeah, there's a lot of, there's all, as, as

[58:25] many holes has there been in the, how the old beach works, there are so many more

[58:29] holes to me in the, how this company works.

[58:31] So let's talk about it.

[58:32] Turns out that this resort is being run by what Warren and Warren, a

[58:36] pharmaceutical company who has been luring people with promises of sweet

[58:40] vacations, they send them to the beach and then they do rapid testing on new

[58:45] potential medications because they'll give somebody a medicine and then

[58:50] send them to that old beach to see.

[58:51] Now the problem is like, are we talking about a medication that

[58:54] they only take once and never again?

[58:56] Cause it's in their custom cocktail that's delivered to them

[58:59] when they arrive at the resort.

[59:00] So it's a one-time medication.

[59:02] Of course, children are acceptable losses.

[59:04] Send them to the beach as well, along with their, their sick parents.

[59:08] Uh, if this company's called Warren and Warren, I assume, cause it's two

[59:10] guys who are not related or else it'd be called like Warren brothers

[59:13] or something like that.

[59:15] So there, so the idea is that we can give them this medication, send them

[59:18] to the old beach and we'll get years of data within a day, how are they

[59:22] going to submit that data to the FDA?

[59:23] How do they explain to the FDA?

[59:25] It's, it looks like we only have one day of data, but it's actually years

[59:28] because of this magic beach that we send them to.

[59:30] You have years of data of one person with that problem in medicine,

[59:36] like medical tests, like, you know, you, you, you, you do it with a lot

[59:40] of people to see if it works for everyone.

[59:43] I mean, they're doing 73 tests guys.

[59:46] It also implies though, that they send control people to the aging beach

[59:49] without giving them the medicine to see if the beach is going to make them better.

[59:52] So they're just, they're sending people to their deaths with

[59:55] placebos in their, in their systems.

[59:57] Yeah.

[59:58] The idea that this.

[1:00:00] Company, I don't know that they went through the trouble of creating this luxury resort as a front

[1:00:07] As well

[1:00:08] Yeah, I think they would just like bonk him on the head

[1:00:12] Old beach

[1:00:13] Yeah

[1:00:14] And they create a luxury resort

[1:00:15] But the part of the cover-up is then making it look as if the people never went to the resort

[1:00:20] That they they go they take their documents bring them back to their houses

[1:00:23] And then what burn the house down like I don't to make it look like they died of some other way

[1:00:28] Or do they hire actors to then play those people for the rest of their lives and then

[1:00:34] Go in and write fake trip advisor reviews from those people

[1:00:38] I loved it five stars. They definitely didn't send me to a beach where I got old

[1:00:42] I mean, they're definitely getting like a secondary revenue stream from just normal people who go to this. Uh,

[1:00:49] Oh, yeah, because not everybody there is a patient. Yeah

[1:00:52] Plenty of space because for some reason guests show up and then disappear

[1:00:56] Okay, let's say you're a guy who looks a little bit like peter stormare

[1:01:00] You run a pharmaceutical company's illicit lab that tricks people into being guinea pigs for medicines

[1:01:07] The front is a resort

[1:01:08] Okay, you understand as part of your responsibilities

[1:01:10] You have to also have to be the front desk man at the resort and talk to all the guests

[1:01:15] For some reason someone says hey, can you watch your nephew?

[1:01:18] Can he stay with you if I was that person I'd say no, I don't have time in my life

[1:01:23] Two jobs

[1:01:26] I'm running a resort and a death

[1:01:29] Nephew is can we all admit is a little precocious right? Very much. So yes

[1:01:35] He already has a shell collection that he keeps bragging about. He has 40 shells already that he's got. Uh, they and

[1:01:42] There's just there's so much about this. There's so much about this twist that is

[1:01:46] bonkers in a way that raises more questions than it answers and the implication is and

[1:01:52] The head goes he goes look nature created this beach for a reason

[1:01:56] Clearly nature meant for us to secretly test pharmaceuticals there so that we could then bring them to market faster

[1:02:02] That's why everything has a purpose like not since god made bananas curves that they point at your mouth

[1:02:08] Have I heard an explanation that is more full of holes about why about intelligent design?

[1:02:13] Okay, so we are we are all we're about to wrap this bad boy up. Let's put a bow on it

[1:02:17] Yeah, trent and so now the movie ends with the implication that this just goes on and more innocent people will fall into the trap

[1:02:23] Of this horrible company, right?

[1:02:27] Because trent and maddox show up they go up to the cop they met earlier

[1:02:31] Because he introduces himself and he finds out everybody's name and job and he never forgets a name which is important

[1:02:37] Um, he shows up. He gives the journal from the guy who wrote exhaustive notes to the cop

[1:02:44] uh

[1:02:45] And there's a flashback of them breaking free from the coral as if we couldn't just surmise that yeah

[1:02:52] And then they are about that was insulting that was an insulting moment the movie being like hey audience

[1:02:56] You're too dumb to understand that they survived

[1:03:00] You're such dummies you think they're ghosts no, no, no i'll show you how they got free morons

[1:03:06] Like that was I was insulted by that

[1:03:08] Some new people show up and are about to be given their custom cocktails. Uh, not so fast trent walks up and throws that shit on

[1:03:14] the ground

[1:03:16] Here tip here i'll take this to your life-saving medicine smash. Yeah, the ground now the ground doesn't have parkinson's anymore the uh,

[1:03:24] And then he uh, he yells about how they put him on a beach that made him old and killed all their family

[1:03:30] This is his name and this is his address at this point

[1:03:33] Everybody buys it like everybody just rolls with this shit. It's awesome

[1:03:38] They're like, how did your aunt take the news that you're old now and he's like she thought it was weird

[1:03:43] The police officer instantly is faxing the notes to his boss, I guess in the age police, I don't know

[1:03:49] I don't know how it's his jurisdiction

[1:03:52] And I was like, yeah time cop, I guess he and i'm like what?

[1:03:55] He's in the time variance authority. He's like i'm like what case are they gonna bring murder by magic beach?

[1:04:00] Like hold on a second. What is the what is it?

[1:04:03] The best they could get probably is fraud for misleading advertising about the resort because it doesn't say anywhere in the advertisements

[1:04:09] Warning you may go to a magic beach that makes you old like what is the case?

[1:04:12] I mean, what's the other one that they're gonna get like, uh in in trouble for like covering up accidental deaths on their beach

[1:04:19] Like disney's like who gives a shit that happens at every resort every cruise ship every tgi fridays

[1:04:26] It's it just happens everywhere. They cover up accidental deaths

[1:04:29] And this movie doesn't know where to end because i'm sorry. I'm, sorry stewart

[1:04:33] I'm gonna jump in and say that like the movie actually ends with like

[1:04:37] Then another it goes on another scene for some reason

[1:04:40] where they're like all the hell the two of them are the the survivors are in a helicopter with the cop and it's just

[1:04:45] Like the cop's basically just being like well

[1:04:48] case closed we

[1:04:50] Everybody's arrested and then they're like, uh, how's as you said?

[1:04:54] How's our aunt gonna take it that we're not kids anymore?

[1:04:57] like we'll we'll survive and then like

[1:04:59] The you know the helicopters flying over the ocean and in my head i'm like

[1:05:04] The only reason that there's still another scene like what the movie is still going on

[1:05:10] Is like they wanted to get us back to near the beach

[1:05:13] So the camera could like go under the waves and we see like a fucking like ufo crash there or something

[1:05:19] That would be you know, like but but that would have been awesome actually look at the water. Yeah would have been that would be great

[1:05:25] Well, that's the thing

[1:05:27] You survived you uncovered this conspiracy you've saved the day

[1:05:31] And they decide to give you a helicopter ride to celebrate and they start flying you by that beach

[1:05:37] I'd be like get the fuck away

[1:05:39] Hi, that thing goes. Yeah

[1:05:42] It's about to get super old

[1:05:44] I imagine the kids were like hey take us by the beach so we can rub it in that beach's face that we got away

[1:05:50] Fucking beach

[1:05:52] Being on the beach and their pee that the bacteria in their pee is rapidly evolving into a new species that declares war on humanity

[1:05:59] There's so much the fact that two people walk up to you on a resort and they're like hey

[1:06:03] Remember when two kids talked to you yesterday? That was us. Here's all the proof you need. It's a journal we wrote

[1:06:09] I mean, we didn't write it. Somebody else did you're right. It all checks out

[1:06:12] No way, you could have faked this journal. Let me just let me just give it to my bosses

[1:06:15] I'll stake my career on the idea that there's a magic beach that turns people old

[1:06:20] Even though you're a 50 year old man. You have the same mole as this kid. I met yesterday

[1:06:25] You know what? It's a good thing that I fingerprint everybody I meet on vacation because now let's take your fingerprint

[1:06:31] It's the same one. You are that kid. Oh boy

[1:06:33] This is gonna make my career the first policeman ever to ever to crack an age crime. We did it

[1:06:39] So the only way the ending could have been sillier is if they then showed the police

[1:06:44] Arresting the beach and taking the beach away in handcuffs

[1:06:47] The handcuffs won't fit

[1:06:50] The sand keeps slipping through them. Oh, no, and then the handcuffs are rusting away and and the beach is escaping

[1:06:55] Be on the lookout for a beach. It turns people old. It's on the on the run

[1:07:01] Okay, well, uh, let's

[1:07:03] Go to final judgments whether there's a good bad movie bad bad movie a movie. We kind of like um

[1:07:09] i'm gonna give kind of a

[1:07:11] Almost a hybrid judgment. I'll say that

[1:07:14] this is a movie half lion, this is a movie I kind of like but not because

[1:07:19] I like I wouldn't I like it because you're you're a hard scientist not because it's not

[1:07:27] Let me be clear this movie is very put down this steven baxter book and watch old

[1:07:31] Just a duet of hard science fictions. This is movie is very dumb

[1:07:35] and the

[1:07:37] dialogue

[1:07:38] Feels incredibly awkward even like when it's being said by good people like vicky creeps for instance like fantastic and phantom thread

[1:07:45] I think it does her no favors to be acting in her second language and then been given these lines that are not

[1:07:53] Not sayable like I I quoted the old, uh, you can type the shit george, but you can't say it. Uh,

[1:07:59] harrison ford line about star wars, but

[1:08:02] that all being said

[1:08:05] M night shyamalan

[1:08:06] Is good at coming up with a compelling?

[1:08:09] general idea and good at coming up with like

[1:08:14] Variations on let's say this this is based on this is based on a graphic novel

[1:08:17] So I don't give him credit for the original idea, but I don't I haven't read it. So the variations are his yeah

[1:08:22] uh, well, he recognized a good taking that out of it, then

[1:08:26] I will say

[1:08:27] a lot of a lot of good actors

[1:08:30] and

[1:08:31] What I will say

[1:08:32] I think m night shyamalan's actual strength is is uh is visual storytelling direction mood

[1:08:40] Like I think this is a great looking movie. I think that the visual like

[1:08:44] Gambits he does are are good. Like I think he finds interesting ways to stage everything

[1:08:51] and so it's this interesting

[1:08:53] kind of

[1:08:54] fight between

[1:08:56] dumb script good direction

[1:08:59] That I found enjoyable to watch

[1:09:02] Yeah, I mean it's hard to uh, it's hard to knock a guy for wanting to make a movie on his vacation

[1:09:07] I mean sandler does all the time

[1:09:09] Uh, and I mean what a what a place to do it. I mean that resort looked really nice

[1:09:13] It must have been fun to stay at. Um

[1:09:15] Uh, that's your rating

[1:09:17] I would say it's a tough one. I would I would say this is kind of between

[1:09:21] Like a like a good bad movie because it is very silly and also a movie

[1:09:25] I kind of like because there was stuff that I kind of liked about it

[1:09:28] I don't think the I don't obviously I don't think it all holds together

[1:09:32] Uh, the silly stuff is very funny and silly

[1:09:35] Um, and there's actors I like in it. Uh, so

[1:09:39] Yeah, it's okay. Whatever

[1:09:41] I think I would call this it's weird

[1:09:43] It's like it goes into all three categories for me and that there are times when it's a good bad movie because it's ridiculous

[1:09:48] Especially the very end there are times when it is a bad bad movie for me because a baby is instantly born and then dies

[1:09:54] Which is terrible and there but there are parts where there are moments in it that I like there

[1:09:59] there

[1:10:00] couple of scare moments in it that are fun scare moments and there are a couple of affecting scenes

[1:10:04] because the actors are good in it but so here's i'm gonna say i'm gonna call this movie ultimately

[1:10:08] disappointing in all categories uh because so while i was watching it i was like this movie

[1:10:13] reminds me a little bit of like uh not a not as well made like uh movie like uh like picnic

[1:10:22] and hanging rock and then i was looking it up and i and it said that mhm one showed walkabout

[1:10:27] and picnic and hanging rock to uh to his cast and crew and it's like those both are movies that

[1:10:32] have this idea this sense of like people from civil you know quote unquote civilization going

[1:10:38] out into a kind of strange wilderness setting being changed by it in an almost mystical way

[1:10:42] that they can't quite explain and i wish this movie had been more like that i wish it had been

[1:10:46] less that i wish he hadn't explained what was going on at all the twist about the pharmaceutical

[1:10:50] company is so is so goofy uh and i wish it was more about these characters are in this strange

[1:10:56] situation it's affecting each of them differently they don't understand what's going on but they

[1:11:00] have to respond to it and i can't it's almost like i wish i could say to m night like i want

[1:11:03] you to push yourself more i want you to challenge yourself to break out of your comfort zone

[1:11:07] and make a movie that is okay with being kind of lyrical and dreamlike because i think you

[1:11:11] can do it instead of reverting back to making like a crappy puzzle box that doesn't really

[1:11:16] the pieces don't really fit together that well so i'm going to give it a uh needs improvement

[1:11:20] see me after class yeah that's fair well you know what guys this uh podcast we call it the

[1:11:27] flop house is uh supported every week by listeners like you but we also have a couple of sponsors and

[1:11:33] one of them this week is squarespace squarespace is the all-in-one platform for building your brand

[1:11:40] and growing your business online you can stand out with a beautiful website engage with your

[1:11:44] audience and sell anything products content you create even your time every squarespace website

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[1:11:59] help maximize prominence among search results you can sell your products on an online store

[1:12:05] whether you sell physical or digital products where space has the tools you need to start

[1:12:09] selling online and all websites are optimized for mobile content automatically adjusts so your site

[1:12:16] looks great on any device and we are looking at all kinds of devices these days that's my

[1:12:23] that's my observation that was that was that left a lot of room for interpretation head to

[1:12:28] squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code

[1:12:34] flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain dan i had an idea for a website

[1:12:40] and i was just wondering if squarespace might be able to help me put it together quite possible

[1:12:45] okay so it's called horrortripadvisor.com and it's you can go there and look at reviews and

[1:12:50] find out whether the vacation spot you want to go to has some kind of horror element because

[1:12:54] maybe you don't want to go like maybe is that i want to see this resort it looks really great

[1:12:58] do they have a beach where people turn old let me look at the customer reviews yeah these mayan

[1:13:02] ruins look really cool is there an evil vine that eats people there that might eat me because then i

[1:13:08] don't want to go there so i know that one yeah there you go that's that's what you've heard of

[1:13:12] uh this there's this there's this kind of kooky resort in wales if i go there am i going to be

[1:13:16] trapped there and a giant white balloon is going to chase me around and eat me if i try to escape

[1:13:21] uh and everyone has a number instead of a name you know the one i'm talking about that's a resort

[1:13:25] well i mean they shot it at me yeah so uh it's called horroradvisor.com horrortripadvisor.com

[1:13:32] do you think squarespace will be able to help me with that i need to be able to update it and have

[1:13:35] it work on lots of different devices i'm sure like what if i want what if i want to stay at a motel

[1:13:40] and it was also a motel hell i don't want to stay in a motel hell so you want to fall into some kind

[1:13:45] of tourist trap yep yeah i need to know about that now you're doing it dan i want to go on a

[1:13:51] driving trip but i don't want to play any road games so maybe i would enjoy a house of wax yeah

[1:13:58] yeah perhaps uh that's a tourist uh it's a tourist actually legit if i could stay at the 13

[1:14:05] ghost house i would totally do it no question what about the house on haunted hill uh there

[1:14:11] is a question i might i might yeah what about hell house oh hell house is the worst what about

[1:14:17] hill house which is haunted it's true and what uh what about the hills have eyes what about them

[1:14:25] wait let me check those hills sound really cool let me just see on tripadvisor whether they have

[1:14:28] eyes or not oh they do honey let's not go to those hills let's go to the other hills

[1:14:33] okay uh what are those eyes the eyes of laura mars

[1:14:40] yeah well there's only one way to find out let's abre los ojos about the ghost of mars

[1:14:46] the ghost of the eyes of laura mars john carpenter all over both of those

[1:14:49] yeah uh you know if you guys are ever if you ever find yourself in a stressful situation maybe

[1:14:55] you're stuck on the beach from old why don't you ever consider microdosing that's right

[1:15:02] our show today is sponsored by microdose gummies microdose gummies deliver perfect

[1:15:06] entry-level doses of thc that help you feel just the right amount of good uh as a user i find them

[1:15:13] to be a great way to wind down at the end of a long day uh they chill me out help me sleep they're

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[1:15:26] microdose.com and use the code flop f l o p to get free shipping and 30 off your first order

[1:15:33] links can be found in our show description and once again microdose.com code flop

[1:15:41] elliot i believe you have a jumbotron i do have a j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jumbotron

[1:15:48] and this message is for hannah and it's from robbie this is for hannah from robbie if you're

[1:15:55] a hannah who knows a robbie this jumbotron may be for you especially if this message relates to you

[1:15:59] and the message goes as follows happy 30th birthday hannah i look forward to spending many more hours

[1:16:04] listening to the peaches alongside a person as considerate as dan inventive as elliot and cool

[1:16:08] as stew and excitable as an old-timey prospector love from robbie oh that's so nice uh and uh before

[1:16:16] we move on to the next part of the show i just want to remind people in case you didn't hear it

[1:16:19] at the top of the show in case you just slammed that skip button as soon as you heard my voice

[1:16:23] i understand it completely that we do have a live show coming up a live in-person show the flop

[1:16:29] house is coming back to in-person performing that's right august 7th 7 30 p.m at the bell

[1:16:34] house in brooklyn new york our old stomping grounds our old home we're gonna have a great

[1:16:38] time talking about morbius could it be any other movie for our return to live performing

[1:16:43] but morbid wish we had to wait till there was something that yeah did we want to watch a movie

[1:16:47] about a dead vampire hell no we're gonna watch one about the living vampire a living vampire

[1:16:53] the movie that took america by storm the movie they released twice in the same year and it bombed

[1:16:58] both times so just go to the bell house ny.com that's the bell house ny.com to get your tickets

[1:17:05] august 7th talk about morbius

[1:17:14] hey it's john mo join me on depress mode for conversations on how mental health

[1:17:19] shapes our life this week david sedaris with stories of his late father that he's finally

[1:17:24] willing to tell i think there's a difference between you know a good person and a good

[1:17:31] character like he was a good character my boyfriend here and my father was another one

[1:17:36] of those people he was a really good character but he wasn't a good person

[1:17:41] depress mode with john mo wherever you get your podcasts

[1:17:47] hi i'm jesse thorne the founder of maximum fun and i have a special announcement i'm no longer

[1:17:52] embarrassed by my brother my brother and me you know for years each new episode of this supposed

[1:17:59] advice show was a fresh insult a depraved jumble of erection jokes ghost humor and frankly this is

[1:18:08] for the best very little actionable advice but now as they enter their twilight years i'm as surprised

[1:18:15] as anyone to admit that it's gotten kind of good justin travis and griffin's witticisms are more

[1:18:22] refined like a humor column in a fancy magazine and they hardly ever say bazinga anymore so

[1:18:29] after you've completely finished listening to every single one of all of our other shows

[1:18:34] why not join the mcelroy brothers every week for my brother my brother and me

[1:18:40] let's move on to letters from listeners like you uh this one's from jacob last name withheld

[1:18:47] who writes of the letter hey there peaches i'm gearing up for a liver transplant surgery in the

[1:18:53] coming months which is going to involve a long recovery period at home watching a lot of movies

[1:18:58] presumably having recently listened back to the last christmas episode i was wondering if you

[1:19:04] three have any ideas of good transplant themed movies to watch while trying not to reject my

[1:19:09] new organ bonus points for non-horror suggestions keep on flopping in the free world jacob lasting

[1:19:16] without now stew he says bonus points you don't have to go oh i get normal points you can just i

[1:19:20] want to do the normal you guys i mean i weirdly the first one that came to my mind it's not a

[1:19:29] great movie and it also has like the same uh weird idea about uh organs transplants to some degree

[1:19:37] that last christmas has but uh i have a weird fondness for return to me the movie where uh

[1:19:45] david de coveny's wife passes away and then he ends up falling in love with the woman

[1:19:50] who received his wife's heart uh who's played by minnie driver um it was honestly less for that

[1:20:00] or because it has a very fun supporting cast.

[1:20:04] Carol Conner, Robert Loggia, Bonnie Hunt.

[1:20:06] Bonnie Hunt in particular is a lot of fun in the movie.

[1:20:10] I'm not gonna make any claims for it to be high art,

[1:20:14] but in terms of just fun, fluffy, romantic comedy

[1:20:17] that'll probably make you feel good if you're feeling down,

[1:20:20] that one might fit the bill.

[1:20:22] You guys got anything?

[1:20:23] More than Untamed Heart,

[1:20:25] the one where the Slate Man has a monkey heart.

[1:20:29] Yeah, originally titled Baboon Heart.

[1:20:31] It makes him super strong for a little while.

[1:20:33] Does it?

[1:20:34] I think so.

[1:20:35] Wow.

[1:20:36] He has all the powers of Baboon,

[1:20:36] so his butt is brightly colored.

[1:20:39] That's a power.

[1:20:40] The, I would say, I mean, this, again,

[1:20:44] this is a horror movie, so I don't get my bonus points,

[1:20:47] but I remember when I broke my arm

[1:20:49] and I was down in the dumps.

[1:20:51] I was a teenager and my mom went to the video store

[1:20:55] and rented me body parts, starring Jeff Fahey,

[1:21:00] where a guy loses a limb in a car accident

[1:21:02] and he gets a replacement limb from a serial killer.

[1:21:06] Does that serial killer survive

[1:21:07] and try and reclaim all his body parts?

[1:21:09] You know that shit, so watch Body Parts,

[1:21:12] starring Jeff Fahey.

[1:21:14] I have two options.

[1:21:16] One is also kind of a horror movie,

[1:21:18] and the other one is kind of a comedy horror movie,

[1:21:21] so I don't know if that counts as different,

[1:21:22] but if you wanna see another movie

[1:21:24] where someone gets the hands of a serial killer,

[1:21:26] or of a murderer, at least,

[1:21:28] there's Mad Love with Peter Lorre,

[1:21:31] which is a movie that, he plays a surgeon

[1:21:34] who gives a man the hands of a knife murderer,

[1:21:36] but it's really more about Peter Lorre being a weird creep

[1:21:39] who's trying to steal the wife away

[1:21:40] from the man who went through the surgery.

[1:21:42] So the hands are not that big,

[1:21:44] they're not really the issue in the movie.

[1:21:49] I have two things I wanted to say about that.

[1:21:50] Just one, I also was surprised when I finally saw that,

[1:21:56] how little of it has to do with the premise,

[1:21:58] and number two, I could tell that you were about to say

[1:22:00] Peter O'Toole instead of Peter Lorre,

[1:22:01] and I would love to see Mad Love with Peter O'Toole.

[1:22:04] Yeah, Peter O'Toole, it would be a very different movie.

[1:22:06] He's kind of creepy in his own way, a different way,

[1:22:08] but there's a lot of great creepy stuff in it.

[1:22:10] It looks beautiful.

[1:22:11] It was directed by Carl Freund,

[1:22:12] who is that rare man who bridges the gap

[1:22:15] between Weimar filmmaking and early television,

[1:22:18] since he was the cinematographer Metropolis,

[1:22:20] and he also was the director for I Love Lucy,

[1:22:23] and he directed The Mummy, too, I believe, and so-

[1:22:27] Wait, wait, wait, with Brendan Fraser?

[1:22:30] No, not with Brendan Fraser, the other one.

[1:22:34] And O.J. Fair?

[1:22:35] See, Elliot's brain-breaking for a moment there,

[1:22:38] as he had to deal with some nonsense.

[1:22:40] Elliot is checking.

[1:22:41] He's like, no, but he did do The Scorpion King.

[1:22:43] Oh, no, no, it's the Boris Karloff Mummy.

[1:22:45] I was right, it was The Boris Karloff Mummy.

[1:22:47] He didn't come back to life 30 years after his death

[1:22:51] and direct The Brendan Fraser Mummy,

[1:22:53] but it's just a cool-looking movie,

[1:22:54] and Peter Lorre is super creepy in it,

[1:22:56] but there's also, I have a, it's not a great movie,

[1:22:59] but I have a fondness, probably just from being a kid

[1:23:01] and watching it, for The Man with Two Brains,

[1:23:03] which is a real goofy movie about organ transplanting.

[1:23:06] Is it the best comedy in the world?

[1:23:08] No, of course not, but it has some fun stuff in it.

[1:23:12] Now, I was going to recommend

[1:23:14] the Clint Eastwood movie Bloodwork

[1:23:15] until I started reading more about it

[1:23:17] and realized I hadn't seen it.

[1:23:18] I thought I had.

[1:23:19] I was thinking of the movie,

[1:23:20] I was thinking instead of a different Clint Eastwood movie,

[1:23:23] True Crime, I think it's called,

[1:23:24] but there's no transplant in that,

[1:23:26] so I'll just stick with Mad Love

[1:23:28] and The Man with Two Brains.

[1:23:28] You know what, try both of those two.

[1:23:30] I bet that they're probably

[1:23:32] the sort of mindless paperback thriller.

[1:23:35] I mean, they are from Clint Eastwood's

[1:23:37] kind of like toss-em-off part of his career,

[1:23:40] where he was just like, sure, I'll make this movie,

[1:23:41] whatever.

[1:23:42] That seems like a great thing to watch

[1:23:43] while convalescing.

[1:23:44] I mean, technically, in the movie Bad Taste,

[1:23:47] Peter Jackson's character does stuff alien brains

[1:23:51] in the hole in his skull,

[1:23:52] so that is kind of a transplant.

[1:23:53] So I would say Bad Taste as well,

[1:23:55] and that's not a horror movie,

[1:23:56] because it's just a great fun comedy.

[1:23:58] That's a great movie,

[1:24:00] but it might make you feel a little sicker.

[1:24:03] Oh man, no, that movie rules.

[1:24:04] I would say that's a fun movie.

[1:24:06] I wouldn't call it a great movie, but.

[1:24:08] You get out of here.

[1:24:10] Close the Zoom window.

[1:24:11] Sorry, sorry.

[1:24:12] Here's actually, here's what you do.

[1:24:13] Watch Bad Taste.

[1:24:14] Watch it on Amazon Prime, if it's still available there,

[1:24:16] with the captions on,

[1:24:17] and whoever did the captions describes all the music

[1:24:21] that plays during the movies,

[1:24:22] and it's very funny how specific they are

[1:24:25] about what the music sounds like.

[1:24:26] Okay, well, I got one more important message

[1:24:28] from a listener.

[1:24:29] This one is from Dorothy Last Name Withheld,

[1:24:32] who writes.

[1:24:33] Dorothy Swarnak from Golden Girls?

[1:24:36] Yeah, yeah.

[1:24:36] Dear Stone Fruits,

[1:24:39] I would start by apologizing for the pedantry,

[1:24:41] but I'm not sure pedantry is something

[1:24:43] that bothers the peaches.

[1:24:45] I'm a professor of plant biology,

[1:24:47] and I would like to clear up a few misconceptions

[1:24:49] about what a fruit is.

[1:24:51] Yep, let's call up Chris.

[1:24:52] Let's call up the fruit brute.

[1:24:53] Yeah, are they about to tell us

[1:24:55] that a boy can't grow leaves on his legs?

[1:24:58] So we can't make a pencil out of leaves?

[1:25:02] A fruit is a mature ovary containing seeds

[1:25:05] that matures following the fertilization of ovules.

[1:25:09] The part that we think of as a fruit is the ovary wall

[1:25:13] that has developed into something tasty

[1:25:15] for seed dispersers to eat.

[1:25:17] Therefore, a nut is a type of fruit.

[1:25:20] Often what we call a nut, the part we eat, is the seed.

[1:25:24] The fruits of a strawberry are actually the brown things

[1:25:27] called achines, achines, I'm not sure,

[1:25:30] on the outside of the strawberry.

[1:25:32] The red part is the receptacle that holds the ovaries.

[1:25:35] A strawberry is an aggregate fruit.

[1:25:37] It is not a berry.

[1:25:39] Berries are simple fleshy fruits with seeds inside.

[1:25:43] Cucumbers, tomatoes, pumpkins, and bananas are examples.

[1:25:48] Strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries are not berries.

[1:25:52] Three words with berry in the name, not berries.

[1:25:54] I feel like at this point, there's certain times

[1:25:56] when science has to just make way

[1:25:58] for the way everybody talks.

[1:26:00] Like, I understand the, come up with a different name

[1:26:02] other than berry for what that is.

[1:26:04] The same way that, like, at this point,

[1:26:05] no one's using berry to describe like a banana.

[1:26:08] No, no, I, this is, look, this is all scientifically.

[1:26:11] Also, weirdly enough, although it is called a berry,

[1:26:15] the show on HBO featuring Bill Hader is not a berry.

[1:26:19] Interesting.

[1:26:20] Oh, oh, yeah.

[1:26:21] And as many people may know,

[1:26:23] if you don't try to eat a brickleberry,

[1:26:25] the taste is sour and very unpleasant.

[1:26:27] The movie Dead and Buried features no berries either.

[1:26:31] Yeah, and another fun fact,

[1:26:32] the snozzberries taste like snozzberries.

[1:26:35] The little, okay, back to the letter.

[1:26:36] The little hairs on raspberries that gross out Elliot

[1:26:39] are called stiles.

[1:26:42] They're called stiles from fucking Teen Wolf's Friend.

[1:26:46] They're called stiles.

[1:26:46] Oh, that's why, that's why that raspberry says,

[1:26:49] what are you looking at, penis nose?

[1:26:51] Or is it dick nose?

[1:26:52] I can't remember.

[1:26:53] Dick nose.

[1:26:54] Dick nose.

[1:26:55] Penis nose, that's the, I guess, that's the TV version.

[1:26:58] That was the network edit, yeah.

[1:26:59] These are the structures in the flower

[1:27:01] that sperm cells travel down to fertilize the ovule

[1:27:04] at the base of the stile,

[1:27:05] which then develops into the fruit.

[1:27:07] Fruit, you nasty.

[1:27:08] Hope, that was my.

[1:27:10] Was that in the letter or that was you?

[1:27:13] Hope you found this interesting and not annoying,

[1:27:16] have been listening to your shows.

[1:27:17] I was a graduate student working long nights

[1:27:18] alone in the lab.

[1:27:19] Thanks for the company.

[1:27:21] Dorothy, last name with LPS.

[1:27:22] I also went to Earlham.

[1:27:24] Go Quakers.

[1:27:24] Hell yeah, hustling Quakes, that's us, baby.

[1:27:28] So thank you for that.

[1:27:29] Sometimes you learn something here on the Fluff House.

[1:27:32] Very infrequently, but.

[1:27:35] Yep, you learn how to drag and drop this shit

[1:27:37] in the garbage and get on with your life.

[1:27:39] I mean, Rufus Sewell learned

[1:27:40] that it was the Missouri breaks that he was thinking of

[1:27:42] if he's listening to this episode.

[1:27:44] Oh man.

[1:27:45] Yeah, he said it's his favorite podcast.

[1:27:48] But I think he only says that

[1:27:49] as some kind of weird sexual mind game he has with me.

[1:27:52] Let's get on to the next thing.

[1:27:53] I know Stuart has some birthday parties to go to.

[1:27:56] I do have some birthday parties to go.

[1:27:58] I'm fucking popular.

[1:27:59] Let's do this.

[1:28:00] Recommendations is the last part of the podcast.

[1:28:03] That's what it is.

[1:28:05] You might wanna watch instead of wasting your life

[1:28:08] as we have with these films.

[1:28:11] Hey, I.

[1:28:12] I wish we hadn't made.

[1:28:13] Yeah, if we had it over to, again,

[1:28:16] would we be as successful with a different format?

[1:28:19] Probably.

[1:28:20] We could have done something that enriched our lives.

[1:28:23] Anyway.

[1:28:24] If this show was about cars or sports,

[1:28:26] we'd be way more successful.

[1:28:28] Oh well.

[1:28:29] Let's just call it car talk, guys.

[1:28:30] Or food.

[1:28:30] I feel like people like talking food.

[1:28:33] Yeah, you know what?

[1:28:34] Next episode, let's just call it the food house.

[1:28:34] That's why that fucking fruit episode was crazy.

[1:28:36] Yeah, Stuart's a real trailblazer.

[1:28:37] That's why it's doing bad numbers.

[1:28:39] He's.

[1:28:41] Let me recommend to you Crimes of the Future,

[1:28:45] the latest David Cronenberg film.

[1:28:48] You know, if you like Cronenberg, you'll like this one.

[1:28:51] That's all I gotta say.

[1:28:52] If you like people, you know, using technology

[1:28:56] that looks like bones that have been put together.

[1:28:59] And if you like. Love it.

[1:29:01] Goo and.

[1:29:03] Love it.

[1:29:05] If you like a movie that has a man

[1:29:07] with a zipper in his stomach

[1:29:09] so you can see his internal organs.

[1:29:10] Love it.

[1:29:11] Crimes of the Future's for you.

[1:29:12] It's not, look, it's got almost as many exposition dumps

[1:29:16] as old does.

[1:29:18] Oh, but Cronenberg exposition dumps are great.

[1:29:21] Yeah.

[1:29:22] Yeah, it's not a perfect film,

[1:29:22] but yeah, his exposition dumps,

[1:29:24] he does find kind of fun ways of doing it

[1:29:27] with like just barely concealed, like,

[1:29:30] sick, wry comedy underneath the seriousness of all of it.

[1:29:34] And it, you know, I don't know.

[1:29:37] It's ultimately like a meditation

[1:29:38] on a lot of like real emotions,

[1:29:41] even though the actual content of the film is very bizarre.

[1:29:45] You, I mean, you just said,

[1:29:47] and I know it was just like a turn of phrase,

[1:29:49] but you said that it's not a perfect movie.

[1:29:51] And I feel like that's part

[1:29:52] of what makes Cronenberg movies so great

[1:29:54] is that they all are like imperfect

[1:29:56] in such like interesting and fun ways.

[1:29:59] Like this is a guy.

[1:30:00] I don't know like he's a genuine like weirdo auteur kind of that still makes movies that

[1:30:06] could be played in a movie theater. Yeah, agreed. Stu, why don't you recommend some?

[1:30:12] So I was surfing around on the old shutter the other day and I had to wash the taste of the

[1:30:18] movie The Sadness out of my mouth. Do not recommend that one unless you like super gross stuff,

[1:30:25] which I normally do. But for whatever reason, this one was not gross in a specific way that

[1:30:29] I appreciate. What was it called again? The Sadness. So I'm not recommending that. Instead,

[1:30:34] I'm going to recommend a movie from 2001 that's also on shutter called it's a movie that I'm

[1:30:39] sure I've mentioned here on The Flop House, but I don't believe I've ever recommended it. And

[1:30:43] that's called Brotherhood of the Wolf. It is a French movie. Yeah, it is. It's kind of like if

[1:30:53] the Name of the Rose was also an action monster movie.

[1:30:57] And it turns basically into a live action video game at the end.

[1:31:00] Oh, baby. Yeah, it does. It's great. It's got a lot of attractive people in it. You got

[1:31:06] Monica Bellucci. You got Vincent Cassel. You got Mark Dacascos, who is playing a Native

[1:31:11] American character. So that's not cool. But whatever. It's Mark Dacascos. He's awesome.

[1:31:16] It's directed by Christopher Gans, who I noticed directed previously had directed

[1:31:23] the live action Crying Freeman movie, also starring Mark Dacascos. Hell yeah.

[1:31:29] So if you like if the idea of like a period piece mystery action martial arts movie sounds fun,

[1:31:38] check out Brotherhood of the Wolf. It's a blast. It's also like super long. It looks great.

[1:31:43] Two thumbs up. Back in 2001, when my buddy found like a rip of it off the Internet,

[1:31:48] it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen. I was so nuts for it.

[1:31:51] I remember going to do Silent Hill, the Silent Hill movie, which is a mess narratively,

[1:31:57] but very interesting to look at. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember going to see Brotherhood of

[1:32:02] the Wolf in the theaters when it came out. And I remember there were almost there's very few

[1:32:06] other people in theater and just watching the whole thing being like, how are there not more

[1:32:09] people in the theater right now watching this? It's so it's it's it's a bonkers movie. There's

[1:32:15] so much stuff going on in it. So fun. Elliott, I'm going to recommend a movie, you know, a lot

[1:32:23] like Brotherhood of the Wolf in that it's from another country, but otherwise it's not very much

[1:32:28] at all like martial arts. There is no martial arts in it. Anyway, this movie is called Old

[1:32:35] and the government of the country. So I recently watched the movie Imagine in Uniform. That means

[1:32:40] girls in uniform. Yeah, it's a German movie from 1931. And it's the story of a girl who gets sent

[1:32:47] to a very strict private school in Germany and begins a sort of infatuation with this teacher

[1:32:55] that all the girls have crushes on that turns into a kind of heightened, passionate emotion that

[1:33:01] that threatens the balance of the school, that she becomes this controversial figure at the school.

[1:33:08] And it's really good. The acting is really great. And it was exciting to see a movie from that era

[1:33:16] that is so much about love between women, not in a period way, not like not kind of playing on it for

[1:33:23] titillation, but the feelings that young people can form in their minds around older people and

[1:33:28] about love that that breaks the mold of the time that it's in and things like that. But overall,

[1:33:34] it was just a really good movie. And I found it to be very I mentioned like Picnic at Hanging

[1:33:38] Rock early in this episode. And there are there are things about that movie. This movie has no

[1:33:42] supernatural or mystery elements to it. But there are things about that kind of like old because

[1:33:47] it's all science. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But that kind of like the kind of heightened emotional

[1:33:52] state of of of young women in a in a place together where they can't express themselves

[1:33:57] fully. I thought it captured well. So I really liked a lot. Imagine in uniform. It's called I

[1:34:02] know that it's also, you know, as you say, it's not a it doesn't it like it is a matter of fact

[1:34:09] film. It is not a period film. I don't know how to say that word, as you say, but it is a movie that

[1:34:15] is, you know, looked on as like an early landmark of lesbian cinema. Yeah. And it's good reason.

[1:34:22] It's about it's about that characters. It's about same sex love in that way between women. Yeah.

[1:34:27] But I'm speaking of the 1931 version. There's a 1958 version I have not seen and I cannot vouch

[1:34:33] for. Who knows what goes on in that one? But the 1931 ones, I enjoyed a lot. And Dan, what about

[1:34:39] you? I did mine already. So that. Oh, right. I mean, it is already that. Well, I mean, what about

[1:34:46] you? Have you got one? No, no. Yeah. So it's a movie from 2001. It's from France. We're on the

[1:34:51] beach. And since this just zooms us ahead to the next episode of The Flophouse.

[1:34:58] Hey, let's let's let's close up this this episode by saying thank you to Maximum Fun.

[1:35:05] Go to Maximum Fun dot org. See all the other stuff that's on the network. There's a lot of

[1:35:10] podcasts you could be listening to. Maybe you'll like one over there. In addition to us, you can go

[1:35:14] to Flophouse podcast dot com. Find all our episodes, episodes, find stuff about us. There's

[1:35:22] an events page that I will soon be updating with the event. Hopefully I will remember to do that

[1:35:28] beforehand. Cool, cool, cool, cool. No, no, no. I'm saying this in part to remind myself to have

[1:35:36] that done before this episode. So when you listen to this episode next week, when it comes out,

[1:35:41] you'll remember to do it. You can see whether I did it or not. It's a fun game that the audience

[1:35:45] can play. Can't stress enough how excited I am that we are doing a live show. Yeah. Talking about

[1:35:51] Morbius. Yeah. Getting up on a stage, being silly buns with my two best buddies. I cannot be silly

[1:35:58] buns. Wait. Can't wait. And thank you to Alex Smith. He is at Howl Dottie on Twitter. He is

[1:36:05] our producer. We make a lot of work for him by being as shambling as we are. So thank you for

[1:36:12] helping us, Alex. But that's it for the Flophouse. I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:36:18] I've been Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:36:30] So I'd kind of like to stay on that beach that makes you old. I'd just be like,

[1:36:34] OK, let's just enjoy it.

[1:36:45] Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.

Ep. #372 - Old

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