Episode #374 - Firestarter (2022)

[0:00] On this episode we discuss fire starter. That's right fire starter the movie that dares

[0:11] Fire starters, he's so cute when he sleeps because it was so boring. Yeah

[0:30] You

[0:45] Hey everyone, welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey, it's me Stuart Wellington

[0:51] And I'm Elliot Kalin and two of the three of us are not in our normal location

[0:57] Listeners

[1:08] So, what do we do on this here podcast

[1:14] Yeah, yeah, I'm recording from my bedroom

[1:18] Mm-hmm. Oh and Elliot, where are you? And I'm recording from my in-laws garage, huh? The two sexiest places I can think

[1:27] I'm recording places where magic happens

[1:30] I'm recording from the same place in you know, sort of spatially but

[1:36] Mentally, maybe a different place because guys this week the kovat came for me the kovat

[1:42] me

[1:47] Yeah, yeah, no, I just want to suck up this empathy because

[1:50] I

[1:54] Haven't seen anyone, you know, I need whatever sympathy

[2:00] Anyway, yeah

[2:02] The hardest part was you mentioned to me that you lost your sense of smell and I just feel like now you're not gonna know

[2:07] What the rock is cooking which is I know true

[2:10] You can't smell what the rock is cooking. You won't know what it is. It's a boy your base. You don't know

[2:15] Is it beef Wellington could be we don't know just could be one big egg, you don't know

[2:22] If the rock wants to pick me up and wrap me up in what phyllo dough puff pastry and cook me

[2:29] Yeah, why not? Let's do it. Let's go. No. Well, I can think of at least one reason why not but

[2:35] Yeah, we take a lot of the rock true. Thank you

[2:38] I have been

[2:42] It is vegan though, did you know that puff pastry is vegan because it's yeah, but then when you wrap it in it

[2:48] It doesn't really it's it stops. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a stew beef

[2:53] Yeah, well as you can tell I I'm on the mend I'm still pretty tired but I'm

[2:59] Not not doing too poorly. So don't did you get your taste and smell back yet, buddy?

[3:04] I think I I feel like I'm smelling things a bit more today

[3:09] Although Audrey earlier was like could you close the the garbage? Do you not smell that and I just like

[3:17] You know, I just kind of reflexively said yeah

[3:19] Oh, yeah, I smell like because you know, I've just been told to do something reasonable

[3:25] Close the garbage by my wife. I say yeah, even though a marriage is built on honest communication

[3:31] You lied to her and said you did smell garbage

[3:34] Yeah, well that was like kind of a greasing the wheels thoughtless like yeah, yeah

[3:38] Yeah, and then and then she's like I asked because of your your your kovat and I'm like, oh, you know what?

[3:44] I can't smell it. So

[3:47] that that garbage tank or did you get mad at her to mirror the

[3:51] Relationship dynamic of the boy and girl in the opening of Geo the Junji Ito

[3:57] Graphic novel where she is bothered by the death stench creeps and he is like what's wrong with you little do we know?

[4:04] She ends up dying horribly and he just runs around with all these dents death stench creeps run around, you know, I'm talking about

[4:12] I do not

[4:14] I

[4:20] Want to hear more about this

[4:21] I just want to plant the image in our in our listeners minds of when Dan went when Dan said

[4:26] That he had not smelled the garbage. I imagined Audrey saying Dan. Can you close the garbage?

[4:30] Don't you smell that and him looking down and realizing he was eating out of the garbage can at that moment?

[4:36] With a fork and a nose like in front of the TV. It was like the Lost Boys when I looked at me

[4:41] I was eating maggots

[4:43] Delicious fried rice

[4:44] We're like like hook suddenly you notice that there was now that you had the power of imagination again

[4:48] You saw the garbage in there whereas before when you were a grown-up with no imagination. It was empty

[4:53] So let's talk about a piece of media that we all saw

[5:00] We're comparing Lost Boys and hook because they both have they both have Peter Pan references

[5:06] this is a podcast where we

[5:08] Watch a movie that was a critical or a commercial flop and then we talk about it and

[5:15] fire starter

[5:18] Occasionally provide a forum for people's feelings about Topeka, Kansas

[5:21] Occasionally, yeah, not as much in the last few episodes, but yeah very much for a few episodes before that

[5:29] This was a this was a movie that

[5:32] Was released to theaters we we saw it on Peacock where it was released to streaming I think at the same time

[5:41] A real show of confidence that

[5:44] Yeah, I think it's borne out by the movie but we can talk about it

[5:47] So wait, it was released in actual movie theaters. I think that

[5:53] You know one could at one time go to a movie theater and say I would like

[5:59] Two tickets, please for fire starter

[6:03] 2022 starring Zac Efron

[6:13] You don't have

[6:19] Is it possible that you can't smell this movie a block away sure no not to see it

[6:24] When when dance has released in theaters, maybe he just means that nowadays with people's home

[6:30] Television and streaming setups and stereo. What's the difference between home viewing and stereo viewing anymore and theater viewing?

[6:36] You know, what's what's the difference now? There is none right Dan. That's what you meant

[6:40] Yeah

[6:41] Yeah, I believe also when you went up to the ticket taker you said could I buy two tickets now?

[6:47] I was wondering you're charging

[6:50] Oh, okay. We're doing a different bit. Okay, that's fine. So what do we do?

[6:57] I mean we do

[7:00] Have a different bit that we stampede over

[7:03] Yeah, here's the thing

[7:05] I'm I are we doing something new where we like wait for one another's bits because I've been trained by Elliot to just

[7:12] Jump in with whatever bit I have finally learning

[7:16] You're finally learning and I'm very proud he will continue with his bit but you're taking the bed and going home

[7:22] It seems like so now steward is

[7:26] Someone goes to the theater. They ask for two tickets to fire starter

[7:30] And the person says this is actually streaming exclusively on Peacock and it's registering at 11% on rotten tomatoes

[7:37] And you're like, I guess whatever fuck it. So the movie opens with a baby sucking on a tip

[7:42] Well, okay, we see this couple with a baby we get some baby on you perspective then the baby

[7:50] Lactation starter what's going on here exactly?

[7:53] Well, we actually the fire starts pretty quick because the baby looks at the mobile and then all of a sudden it catches on fire

[7:58] No, wait, that's just a bad dream. The dad Zac Efron is having it now if that's a dad bod sign me up

[8:07] Do not trust a grown man with abs, let me tell you

[8:11] Okay, or was it all a dream so Zac Efron's a dad of that what he's concerned with his daughter Charlie

[8:18] He's concerned about his daughter Charlie. She has her own

[8:22] She has her own concerns about using powers or something

[8:25] So he tries to distract her by looking at different things around the room kind of like

[8:30] Kind of like a Kaiser Soze exercise, right? Were you like just yeah

[8:35] things from around the room

[8:37] This is an actual anti-anxiety exercise, so just like it's supposed to ground you in the place

[8:44] and

[8:45] Current moment that you're in to just sort of look around and name things

[8:49] So I assume that like the idea is yeah. Yeah, she's calming herself down

[8:55] by

[8:56] Doing doing this

[8:58] it

[9:00] Not knowing that as people, you know who I don't know don't look into anxiety

[9:07] Techniques might not it is kind of an odd thing

[9:12] Yep, yeah

[9:14] I'm guessing. Yeah, I was born out of actual research into anti-anxiety stuff and not one viewing of the usual suspects

[9:25] Watching the usual suspects is a big part of anti-anxiety therapy though. I don't know. It's pretty stressful

[9:30] So we get some opening credits when there's so much Kevin Spacey on screen, which is extremely anxiety inducing

[9:37] Opening credits are played over kind of like a grainy

[9:42] interview of

[9:44] Both Zac Efron and the actress who plays the mom

[9:48] Of this baby so dad mom, but back when they were in college, so they have like facial hair

[9:52] Sidney Lemon is the actress Sidney Lemon Sidney Lumet and

[9:57] you may

[10:00] From the series hellstrom the briefly existing series. What's

[10:05] That related to backstrom. Is that are they related those two?

[10:10] No

[10:13] Whereas I was going to say is it based on the character Darius hellstrom from the Deadlands role-playing game, so

[10:20] It was based on the character Damon hellstrom from the Marvel. I was pretty close so

[10:26] They were participating in an experimental drug test in college

[10:30] and it's like grainy video footage and it includes footage of the

[10:33] Experiment going poorly and eyeballs are getting knocked down to the floor like it's at the fucking double deuce in Roadhouse

[10:39] Now the most exciting thing, of course is not the eyeballs on the floor

[10:42] But when you see in the opening credits that we are going to have an appearance by Kurtwood Smith

[10:49] bitches

[10:50] Two names in the credits that made me excited Kurtwood Smith when I thought he had more of a role in the movie because we

[10:55] Hear his voiceover during this credits and the fact that John Carpenter and his son did the music for the movie. Yeah

[11:02] Yeah working overtime. I

[11:04] would

[11:05] yeah, I mean and the score is

[11:09] Pleasant enough I would say it is it does not rank with the work he did for his own movies

[11:15] but I'm glad that the man has

[11:18] Has a source of income in his

[11:21] Twilight years later in the movie where we get a little bit of synth that where I'm like, yeah

[11:26] This is a John Carpenter score. But yeah, otherwise, it's not it's not exactly

[11:30] His film has more inspiring works, you know, we're dragged John Carpenter down rather

[11:36] He yeah raising it up. I feel yeah

[11:39] It feels like he like took like a 10-minute break to crank out some music in between marathon Elden Ring game sessions

[11:48] Okay

[11:50] So, uh, let's see now

[11:53] Now Andy, that's Zac Efron's characters. Name is Andy. He is

[11:57] Running a kind of likes candy. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he eats it whenever he can. Yeah, if it's handy give him some candy

[12:05] His favorite actress Jessica Tandy

[12:10] We have to assume that at one point he was pretty Randy because he has a daughter and he thinks the boy Randy

[12:18] Uh

[12:20] Okay, so let's see bits are done. Let's go back to okay

[12:26] The bits the bits are the podcast you look angry every time a bit starts and I'll tell you something

[12:32] you know as great as you are people aren't tuning in to have the

[12:38] Wikipedia like synopsis of a fire starter read to them. They're here for the bit guys

[12:47] So

[12:49] So Andy is running a kind of

[12:53] Under-the-radar quitting smoking therapy program where he uses telepathy to fix people's urge to smoke cigarettes

[13:00] And he only charges them $100 cash though. No credit cards. No, it's very funny. He says this woman he goes just talk to

[13:08] He goes it's like, you know start seeing me and I'll cure you and she's like, I don't know $100 a session

[13:14] It's pretty expensive. Just do this first one with me. We'll see what happens and he hypnotized her goes

[13:18] You don't like smoking. You think smoking is bad. It tastes gross to you and she's like, oh, I feel better already

[13:24] And I only have $80. Give it to me and it's like what was he gonna do the other sessions like

[13:30] It's gonna say you're asleep now and then just read for a while or like play on his Nintendo switch until until it's time

[13:37] Yeah, yeah, I mean, I don't think he actually plans a second session unless I mean he can do whatever he wants

[13:43] Why doesn't he just be like?

[13:45] Yeah, I don't care about your smoking. You're just gonna give me a hundred dollars. That's true. That's true

[13:51] But then that's probably why it's good that a person like me doesn't have access to superpowers

[13:56] But those powers don't seem that super because using his powers are physically draining

[14:01] It makes his eyes go a wonky and what like blood come out of his eyeballs. They bleed. Yeah, that's crazy

[14:06] That's that's not good. You know, yeah, I would say go to a doctor. I have can't

[14:13] If nothing else, it makes it very hard to see do you blood in your eyes? Yeah

[14:18] There's only one situation or it's good to have blood shooting out of your eyes

[14:21] And that's when you're a horned lizard and it's your way of scaring off predators and it's not actually blood

[14:26] But it looks like it and Zac Efron. I hate to break it to you

[14:29] You are not a horned lizard if that bloods coming out of your eyes

[14:32] I want you to see a doctor immediately, but not that doctor played by Kurtwood Smith who pumped you full of

[14:37] Experimental drugs until you had psychic powers. That's not something you want

[14:41] I don't know. He has pretty good vibes as we'll see later. And

[14:47] When

[14:49] uses powers the camera goes all wonky which is one of the many camera techniques this movie uses that I

[14:56] feel like are

[14:58] like thrown in there to make up for

[15:01] Guys, this movie seems like it has a low budget. Am I am I just

[15:07] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a it was a 12 million dollar movie and you gotta believe

[15:13] Zac Efron though not, you know, one of the brightest stars in Hollywood's firmness for meant surely did not come for cheap. No

[15:22] So yeah, if you want Smith you're laying out a fair amount of green

[15:27] Yeah, so what's his day? I mean, there's a lot of do half of that

[15:32] This movie takes place in a lot of

[15:34] shadowy halls whether they be the shadowy halls of a school that the kid is in or later on the shadowy halls of the

[15:41] Institute the evil government Institute that they certainly save a lot of money on lights with this movie

[15:47] but it's but you're right, it's a movie that I it's surprising to see the budget as as

[15:52] 12 million on the Wikipedia page because it does look very it looks very indie. It looks very

[15:57] Indie it looks very like it looks cheaper than like a CW superhero show

[16:04] Yeah, I think that's fair and it has less incident

[16:09] Significantly less incident but just as many amps. Okay, so

[16:14] now we kept Charlie who is in school and

[16:18] She's not on the grid. She doesn't use Google. She's poor. She's a little weird

[16:24] She gets stressed by the kids incessantly bullying her

[16:27] Which of course we know is just them not being able to handle their own feelings toward her because they think she's cool

[16:32] And then she gets stressed. No, I don't know if that's really what bullying is and then that's a nice way to look at

[16:38] Yes, the room starts to heat up and then she has to use her

[16:42] her coping mechanism

[16:44] Yeah, so we we know this is this kids a firestarter. I mean, that's the whole point of it, right?

[16:50] Yeah, the movie kind of drags it along yeah, this is and we saw the old movie Firestarters, so we know that

[16:58] This is one of those movies and there's a lot of horror and science fiction movies that are like this that are trying to keep

[17:04] alive the mystery of exactly what's going on with the character when the title tells you what's going on with the character and

[17:11] Get the basic premise of the movie that you know walking in tells you the yeah

[17:16] IP that has existed

[17:19] Like at the end of like at the end of Iron Man where Tony Stark says I am Iron Man

[17:24] I'm like no shit. That's the name of the movie

[17:37] Cinema score f-minus

[17:41] Somebody who watched the movie who was like someone's got to explain this movie to me and at the end he goes I am I I

[17:46] am Iron Man and the audience went oh

[17:49] And then just slow-clapped and Stuart leans over to Charlene says that's Iron Man

[17:55] She's like he's Iron Man, but iron monger is technically more iron

[18:02] Bigger which might make him the man shouldn't he be iron kid

[18:07] That's a story for another day, let's go so

[18:11] Okay, so I went to see Iron Man 2, but there was only one Iron Man in the movie

[18:15] Where was the other Iron Man? I don't understand Iron Man's cuz war machines in it dressed up like Iron Man

[18:22] Okay, fair point. Okay, but in Iron Man 3, there's again just two Iron Man Iron Man a war machine. What's going on?

[18:28] There's a lot of Iron Man

[18:33] There's a lot of Iron Man costumes, there's not a lot of Iron Man, okay, that's

[18:37] He's got you Dan

[18:39] Okay

[18:41] Okay, now I went to see Avengers Age of Ultron. They never told us how old Ultron was I want to know

[18:48] He's taking good care of himself

[18:52] Yeah, okay, let's see so mom mom tries to comfort Charlie

[19:00] Parents are kind of unsure how to parent this kid

[19:02] They don't know whether they should keep her powers repressed or train them

[19:07] Zack Efron is against training mother wants to train them yada yada

[19:13] Back at school. The boy keeps bullying her so she goes to hide in the bathroom

[19:18] She also gets hit in the back of the head with a dodgeball, which obviously dodgeball sucks

[19:22] It's a shitty thing. The kids are forced to play but she did kind of turn her back on the other team

[19:27] So like I mean, of course, she's gonna get hit. I'm glad you're seeing both sides

[19:31] Yeah, see both sides of the kid getting hit in the head

[19:35] Look

[19:37] I'll push back a little bit like even as a even as a nerd

[19:41] Who had no physical prowess and would get hit by a dodgeball?

[19:46] Rather than get anyone out by dodgeball. I would much rather play dodgeball than so many other things

[19:52] Better than shuttle runs. That's for sure. Oh, yeah, or like just like general running like let's let's yeah, put that away

[20:00] We're silent running, when you gotta go up into space, and you gotta get out via those little robots, or take care of that huge garden.

[20:08] We're cool runnings for something I gotta coach in a Jamaican bobsled team?

[20:12] I'm just a kid, how am I supposed to coach an Olympic team, a sport I've never even played?

[20:17] I want to back up, because you mentioned their parenting styles, and I just want to say that not only does this movie, we get into it,

[20:28] eventually not make me sympathize much with this young girl, even though I know that she's a child, she can't control herself,

[20:37] but she also does end up murdering quite a few people.

[20:40] She's in pretty strong control of that fire when she murders all those people.

[20:45] But also, Zac Efron's parenting style is so terrible.

[20:52] She's gotta push down all of those emotions, she's gotta push them all down, and then she can handle her fire starting.

[21:00] I'm like, dude, this is not gonna work.

[21:03] No matter how many items in the room you name, this is gonna end badly.

[21:10] We'll see.

[21:12] It's not like the movie's called Fire Non-Starter, am I right, guys?

[21:17] His parenting style towards this pyrokinetic daughter, it has big, okay, date whoever you want, just don't tell grandma vibes to it.

[21:26] Just kind of like, if you just pretend you're the girl that we want, and not this fire starter, then we'll be okay.

[21:33] But there's so little emotion in all these scenes, and he and his wife are arguing over how to best deal with the fact that their daughter has this enormous deadly power inside of her.

[21:46] And it seems like there's roughly the level of intensity that my wife and I have when she asks me if there's anything special I want her to make for dinner that week.

[21:54] Because she's about to go to the grocery store, and I'm like, I don't know, I can't think of anything at the moment.

[21:58] And she really wants me to say something, and then I say chicken marsala again, and she reminds me we just had that.

[22:03] That's the level of intensity I feel like they're having.

[22:05] It's not no marital friction, but it's not as much as you'd expect for the situation.

[22:10] And also Zac Efron is a performer that I have enjoyed in the past.

[22:16] I think he can be a charming guy, but I think he's at his best when he can lean into the performer side of it and the charming side.

[22:25] This is a part that just has him be sort of emotionless and steely, and he is not able to bring anything of interest to it.

[22:35] Like it is – the lead characters in this movie across the board are just personality-free cyphers.

[22:43] But sorry, what were you saying, sir?

[22:45] I was just going to say that one of the things about it is that like we have these two characters who met in college.

[22:54] And through the result of this experiment, they got superpowers, and then they against probably their better judgment had a child together.

[23:05] And I feel like there should be – like to me that symbolized that they have like a passionate connection that went beyond the like good sense of – you know, the good sense of like maybe we should – we have these weird superpowers.

[23:22] Maybe we should take it easy, and there's no passion between these two people.

[23:29] Yeah, I actually was waiting for the moment where the movie would reveal that they were not her parents and that they had like escaped from that facility with her when she was a baby and had just kind of taken on the role of her parents because there's so little connection between the two of them.

[23:43] But I got to say it's hard to keep the romance alive when you've got a kid who can start fires with their mind, so maybe that's just a big part of it.

[23:51] It's hard to be a sexy –

[23:52] The fires in the bedroom go out.

[23:55] Exactly. When the kid's lighting fires with their mind, the fire in your loins extinguishes, and it's hard to feel sexy when at any moment your child could walk in and light you on fire.

[24:05] It's just hard to feel that.

[24:06] Yeah.

[24:07] It's hard to lose that –

[24:08] Speaking of which.

[24:09] Lose that control.

[24:10] Speaking of which.

[24:12] So Charlie's in school. She gets hit by a thing. She gets stressed out and runs away. She goes to the bathroom. A teacher follows. She turns all the water in the bathroom to steam and then explodes the toilet. It's pretty cool.

[24:30] Then this would instantly make her the coolest kid in school if this was real life I feel like.

[24:35] However, in this world, it gets her kicked out of school again.

[24:39] That would probably happen in real life too.

[24:41] Back at home, Charlie has a tantrum. Her mom tries to calm her down. Her dad is a dick, and she accidentally roasts her mom a little bit. Her mom catches on fire and really fucks her arms up. It's gross.

[24:56] Just a little bit.

[24:57] Yeah.

[24:58] Already in the movie, again, the kid is losing me a little bit. I understand a child can't control her superpowers. They're tied to her emotions, and she has a lot of emotions she can't control.

[25:16] And I'm certainly not advocating for some sort of shadowy government agency to come in and murder her. But also, these parents seem ill-equipped to handle this kid who is setting them on fire.

[25:31] And the movie does not necessarily do enough for me with these characters to make me be like, gotta keep this family together and keep them safe. I'm just like, no, this is a dangerous weapon that's roaming around America.

[25:53] But maybe that's just me. I have no child.

[25:55] Classic liberal wanting the nanny deep state to take our kids away and teach them how to use their pyrokinetic powers.

[26:01] Well, later on, they have these inhibitor things that keep Zac Efron from using his power on them. I'm just like, if there's that technology, can't we just get a little visor for Firestarter here?

[26:16] Can't we have some sort of magic sock that keeps her powers in check?

[26:21] I'm just an ideas man.

[26:23] But you're right. The movie does a very poor job of arguing that she should not be taken by this shadowy government organization that I'm sure Stewart's going to get into soon.

[26:35] When she is just roaming free with these terrible parents.

[26:40] Did you guys say shadowy organization? Because guess what? There's a shadowy organization that is observing Charlie's school.

[26:49] And so they reach out to Rain Bird, who is this cool dude who has an unfinished fullback hangman tarot card tattoo.

[26:56] And he's like a killer fixer specialist guy.

[27:00] It looks like he's hanging out in a warehouse like he's about to be part of the freedom video.

[27:06] And Andy and Charlie – okay.

[27:09] And they're like, one last job. He's like, I'm in. Fuck it.

[27:13] Andy and Charlie go out for ice cream because she just roasted her mom.

[27:19] Her mom, Vicky, here's the first time in my notes where I wrote her name.

[27:23] What you're making it sound like is that she's being rewarded for roasting her mom.

[27:26] This is to help her calm down, I guess.

[27:29] Yeah, although I think he gives her rum raisin or some shit.

[27:32] They mentioned it later, and I'm like, oh, that sounds like a punishment.

[27:36] So Vicky tries to relax.

[27:39] We're taking you out for ice cream. Yay. The worst ice cream.

[27:42] I love rum raisin, guys. I'm not afraid to say it.

[27:46] Sure. Old men love rum raisin.

[27:48] I'll let my freak flag fly.

[27:51] Yeah, so Vicky tries to relax with her burned up hands.

[27:55] Then the cops show up and she talks to the cop.

[27:58] And then she gets attacked by Rain Bird, who is in their house.

[28:01] And it turns out that he was an early test subject.

[28:05] And he's there to bring the girl home and he can kill them or whatever.

[28:09] And what power did he get? Just super shooting power?

[28:13] I don't know. Does he have a power?

[28:17] Not clear.

[28:20] They talk about how he was part of the experiment.

[28:22] And the implication is that he's like a super assassin because of what they did to him.

[28:28] And he's one of those fixers they send to clean up messes.

[28:31] And when they do, he kills so many extra people.

[28:34] Yeah, he makes a way bigger mess.

[28:36] It's like, we want you to go in and quietly eliminate this family.

[28:39] Right. Kill two dozen cops. I understand.

[28:42] Well, they're like, Rain Bird, can I see what you wrote down there?

[28:45] Rain Bird?

[28:47] Because I think they even make a comment like, time for you to do what you do best or some shit.

[28:52] Yeah, he's very bad.

[28:54] Kill a bunch of people and make a huge mess. That's fine.

[28:57] Rain Bird, Rain Bird, can you come into my office?

[28:59] Come to my attention. We sent you to take out one little girl and her parents.

[29:03] And you took out an entire police department.

[29:05] That's what they told me to do. That was the job.

[29:07] Well, I was checking the Slack channel, Rain Bird.

[29:09] And at no point does anyone talk about killing police.

[29:12] Except right here where it says, please don't kill any more police.

[29:14] It says it right here, Rain Bird.

[29:16] I don't know. You know I don't check the Slack channel.

[29:18] It's like I already have my email.

[29:20] I've got to check something else, too.

[29:23] Okay, Rain Bird, that makes sense.

[29:25] The Slack channel has not worked out the way we thought it might for this secret government intelligence operation slash shadowy science experiment.

[29:33] So, can I go now?

[29:35] Yeah, you know what? I guess you're Employee of the Month, Rain Bird. You did it.

[29:38] You did it.

[29:40] So, speaking of our Employee of the Month, Rain Bird.

[29:43] He kills Vicki.

[29:45] He briefly takes Charlie hostage.

[29:49] And then, of course, Charlie blasts him with fire.

[29:53] And then she and Andy manage to escape.

[29:55] Hooray!

[29:57] The chief of the secret government intelligence organization, Rain Bird, is now in jail.

[30:00] organization, uh, Hollister, Captain Hollister, visits like an asylum and talks to

[30:06] Kurtwood Smith, who's making little piles of dust, like colored dust.

[30:12] Uh, and they, they basically talk about- He doesn't have much of a hobby.

[30:16] Yeah. And they, they talk about the reality of dealing with a psychic child.

[30:21] And in some ways they're being kind of reasonable, although Kurt, uh, Hollister wants to train

[30:27] Charlie, uh, which seems fairly reasonable, uh, not to, but she doesn't want to make like an army

[30:33] of them. She just wants to have this one kid, not like set everything on fire. And, and Kurtwood

[30:39] Smith is like, nope, just kill her. Just kill. It's so much easier. Just get rid of her. Uh,

[30:44] and then he's like, see you later. Thanks for the paycheck. Loses. Um, okay. So, uh, meanwhile,

[30:51] while they're on the run, uh, Charlie, uh, meets a cat and fucking just roasts the cat alive.

[30:58] Uh, but it's still alive. So her dad- Not to strike against Charlie in my book.

[31:02] Yeah. Yeah. But the cat's still alive. So her dad makes her kill it. And the whole thing just

[31:09] fucking sucks. Like this scene sucks. I know that how it matters, I guess, later in the script,

[31:15] but like, fuck this shit. I don't want to watch this garbage.

[31:19] So you're saying your idea of entertainment is not watching a girl accidentally kill a cat.

[31:24] No. Yeah. Well, accidentally fuck it up and then totally intentionally kill it.

[31:30] Okay. Now, now wait, but let me, what if that cat was Bustopher Jones?

[31:37] And he was singing- A cat about town?

[31:39] Yeah. A cat about town. Loves to eat. I don't want him to, I don't want Bustopher Jones to eat.

[31:43] Well, you got to pick one of them. Then, then what about MonkaStrap? Is he okay for,

[31:47] for this role to get rid of? Oh no, people like MonkaStrap.

[31:50] Okay. Rum Tum Tugger? No, he's super popular also.

[31:53] And then, and then to make this scene worse, they like prey over the dead cat. No, fuck that. This

[31:59] is garbage. Get this movie out of my eyeballs. Oh, uh, wait. Sorry to kill the bit by talking

[32:05] about how this movie sucks sometimes. So then they trick an old man into giving them a ride.

[32:13] This is, and he tricks them in such a, in such an unnecessary way where he's like,

[32:17] Hey, can you give us a ride? I'll pay you a hundred dollars. And the old man's like,

[32:21] okay. And then you see that he's actually holding a $1 bill and he's just using his

[32:25] psychic powers to make it look like a $100 bill. And it's like, Zac Efron, come on.

[32:29] That's being petty. That's a petty use of your powers. Come on.

[32:32] That's a bit from the book or the other movie though, right? Don't they like

[32:36] do something with a cabbie? I feel like. I don't remember. I still don't like it.

[32:41] No, it's, it's bad. Yeah. Uh, okay. So, uh, so they hang out on his farm for a little bit.

[32:47] So I wish, I wish he had gone all the way and he's like, I'll give you this $10,000 bill.

[32:52] I've never even seen one of those. Yeah. Yeah. It's got Bill Murray on it. Like that. Very rare.

[32:58] We'll ever believe you. Yeah. Uh, well, so your hands are made out of ice cream. What? Okay. So

[33:04] you better get out of the car. Let me drive too much. He's melting. You're going too far.

[33:08] Yeah. Starts eating his own hands. Leave him. Leave him. It's okay. We're terrible people.

[33:13] It's all right. We can do that. Um, okay. So Charlie goes exploring, uh, around this old

[33:18] farm and meets an old lady hooked up to a ventilator. And then they have a little psychic

[33:23] conversation. Uh, and, uh, they get to stay for a little while. Uh, the old man takes, uh,

[33:30] takes it easy on them. Uh, so we think, and then, uh, he, oh man, I don't know where this part is.

[33:38] Oh, Zach Efron tells a story about some, uh, creeps who tried to steal Charlie when she was

[33:43] a baby and how he used his powers to make the creeps kill each other. And that's why you

[33:48] shouldn't, uh, you shouldn't use your powers to kill people. Yeah. And that's why you shouldn't

[33:54] use them to kill people. I see. Yeah. I mean, like, that's the thing I look, I'm not going to

[34:01] get into like a deep, um, comparison of the versions of fire starter mostly because I don't

[34:06] know that I've seen the Drew Barrymore version all the way through. It is also not a very good

[34:11] movie, although better than this. Uh, and I have read the book. I mean, it is crazy that George C.

[34:18] Scott plays Rainbird in the old one. Uh, yeah. I know a native American character. Um, not,

[34:25] not correct casting, but, uh, in, I mean, fire starter, at least like the book, you know,

[34:32] gives you a real sense of how, like, like this desperate love of the father for, uh,

[34:39] his daughter and everything that he'll do to protect her. And, but also like,

[34:45] it seems like the characters in that book are really about minimizing the harm that they do.

[34:51] Whereas I feel like the family in this movie just kind of blunder around the plot,

[34:56] hurting people, or in this case, like, yeah, like deliberately killing people that, you know,

[35:03] I don't know. Why does he just reach inside his mind and be like, uh, we don't exist or what?

[35:08] I mean, I don't know what the limits to his powers are, but it doesn't make me

[35:11] as sympathetic to them as I could be anyway. Instead of, yeah. Yeah. Don't use your telepathy

[35:17] to make people blast each other and stop breathing. Um, I mean, there's, I will say,

[35:21] I will say it is, there is something, I don't think this is a, I don't think the movie pulls

[35:24] this off well, but there is something kind of realistic about people getting these powers and

[35:29] being bad at using them and not, and being screw ups and it not being like, Oh, we're, we're ultra

[35:35] cool. We have our ways of hiding. But just cause like, if I had to hide my family suddenly from

[35:40] the government, I do a pretty poor job of it. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not a spy.

[35:44] So I think I could really, if it was a better movie, I would really relate to these kind of

[35:47] morons bumbling around, not knowing how to get out of these dumb situations. They get themselves

[35:52] into. Uh, yep. So there's a story on the news about them. Uh, the, it, and it, you know,

[36:03] it kind of paints them in a negative light, uh, much as the movie has up to this point.

[36:08] And so the old man is watching the news and he decides that he's going to have to kick them out,

[36:13] but then they convince him not to kick them out. Uh, it's a very exciting scene. And then the cops

[36:19] show up and demand to see Andy and Charlie, the old man goes out to talk to him. Uh, and then

[36:25] Rainbird, uh, pulls out a sniper rifle and starts sniping all the cops. And, uh, the old man, uh,

[36:33] he's trying to draw collateral damage. He's trying to draw Charlie out. Um, Andy tries to stop

[36:40] Rainbird, uh, but then collapses, uh, and that buys her a little bit of time to escape. And then

[36:48] agents show up and try and track her down. Uh, Rainbird gets taken in to speak with the boss,

[36:53] because again, aforementioned, uh, massive collateral damage.

[36:59] He's the, it's this, what I, okay. So again, I'll say if this is a better movie, I would like that

[37:03] nobody in the movie is really very good at their jobs. Everybody in it is terrible version. They're

[37:08] all terrible. Rainbird causes so much more trouble than he ever cleans up the head of DSI. Uh, the,

[37:15] the, uh, uh, captain Hollister, uh, from time cop, uh, she is doing a very bad job of running this

[37:22] kind of covert operation. Uh, Smith is like, yeah, yeah, we gave those people psychic powers.

[37:27] Then we just let them go. It's like, they got away from us. Like, and the parents don't know how to

[37:32] raise their kid. There's something about seeing a movie like this, where no one is slick and

[37:36] everyone is incompetent or at least realistically semi, you know, fairly, fairly, it's like the

[37:41] green night. Yeah. Well, I'm imagining a version of burn after reading with actual burning that

[37:52] Dan, why are you not writing that right now? Oh, that's such a good idea.

[37:56] Okay. He called it fire stopper. Yeah. Speaking of fire stopping, Charlie's doing the opposite

[38:04] because she is in the woods having like a Rambo montage of like training and setting things on

[38:10] fire. It's pretty funny. Uh, and then she decides when she's ready, she decides to leave the,

[38:18] she's like, I'm fucking done with this shit. I'm going to go kill that spider Gremlin.

[38:23] So she goes walking through the suburbs and some kids on bikes, uh, immediately start

[38:30] fucking with Charlie for some reason. These are strangers, right? Yeah. They're just strangers.

[38:35] Like she just draws bullies to her. Like she's wearing bully attractant. And it's like,

[38:41] like she's just slathered herself in honey and walked through a bear's den all the time.

[38:45] And they just start making honey. Yeah. There's love, honey, that poo bear. Did you see in the

[38:52] news the other day about that bear that painted itself black and then got a balloon and it was

[38:56] pretending to be a rain cloud so that it could trick some bees into giving it honey. Well,

[39:01] things did not end well for that bear. What a sad news story. Uh, I thought it looked like rain,

[39:06] but so she used her psychic powers to, uh, she used those powers to steal a bike and a sandwich

[39:14] and some clothes from these, from these bullies. Yeah. He, she, did we know earlier that she

[39:21] didn't just have fire starting powers, but also had some of her like dad's pushing abilities.

[39:26] Cause she, yeah, she like, yeah. Tricks these mental tricks. Jedi mind tricks these into letting

[39:32] her take the, I don't know if I can't remember if we knew that beforehand. Maybe she was just

[39:37] reading their micro expressions to get to like cold read them into giving her their stuff.

[39:43] Like a real Brad, Bradley Cooper. Yeah. Yeah. She's limitless. Yeah. Uh, and were you guys

[39:50] as disappointed as I was that the song fire starter was never played in the movie? Absolutely.

[39:54] Little bit. Yeah. So she, she gets, I mean, she gets like a, like a dream.

[40:00] mental projection from her father giving her an idea where this facility is, right?

[40:07] Is that, that's what happens? So she, because my notes start to get spare as I

[40:13] got tired, more tired and more bored by the movie. So she, she finds the facility

[40:19] and she like, she starts taking out agents. I think the first one she like

[40:25] corners in his car and she's trying to interrogate him and then he like tries

[40:31] to pull a gun and she like roasts the shit out of him. And then, but he's not

[40:36] dead so she has to finish him off. And then she basically just starts walking

[40:41] through a facility roasting dudes. Yeah. It's pretty gnarly. It's, you know, it's got some gnarly stuff.

[40:48] How, how slow this movie is for so long and then in a wild rush to the end, this child just comes in and burns up the whole place.

[41:01] Yeah. The end, but not the end, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah, there's, there's still more for you to explain.

[41:07] I don't want to take your job away from you.

[41:11] Stu, Dan is gunning for your position.

[41:19] So it looks like it turns out that Charlie... I'm just saying Dan, if you're going after Stu with this summary, you best not miss because you won't get a second shot.

[41:26] So yeah, Charlie, it turns out Charlie was actually lured to the facility by Rain Bird.

[41:32] So maybe that's his psychic power. And so he, she finds her dad, her dad, and then like Hollister comes out and she's like, don't do it.

[41:43] If you roast your dad, you're going to roast me. And he's like, just roast us both. And she's like, okay, fuck it.

[41:48] So they get, she roasts Hollister, she roasts her dad, and then she like roasts a whole bunch of agents as she leaves.

[41:54] It looks like she's cornered. Nope, Rain Bird shows up and saves her. That's crazy. I thought he was the bad guy.

[42:00] She's roasting, agents are just coming at her in waves and then some people show up in fire protective suits.

[42:07] Oh no, her power has been neutralized. You know what those suits don't protect you from? Bullets to the head.

[42:12] And that's when Rain Bird comes in.

[42:14] And she also disengages all the locks in the containment facility, which I was going to be, I was really excited.

[42:20] I'm like, we're going to see all kinds of crazy psychic powers or maybe the monsters from Cabin in the Woods are all going to show up.

[42:25] It's going to be great. You don't get that.

[42:27] Half man, half chicken running around.

[42:29] I'm no man.

[42:31] Just a baby with crab claws. Amazing things. And a body of a snake.

[42:36] Charlie stumbles out onto the beach. She and Rain Bird are the only surviving escapees.

[42:43] And you know what? They just wander down the beach together forever. End of movie. Cue the song Firestarter.

[42:51] No, they don't play the song. That was the disappointment.

[42:55] And it's the famous story of a fire starter says, how come when I had times of trouble, there was only one set of footprints?

[43:04] And Rain Bird says, that's when I was carrying you. That's the famous parable.

[43:08] So yeah, I mean, that's the summary. I think we bang that shit out super fast because there's not much to this movie.

[43:16] No, there is not.

[43:19] You know, a peek behind the curtain. We're doing a couple tapings at the same time because I had to ask these guys to kindly move our tapings around because my parents were going to be in town for July 4th and their 59th wedding anniversary, guys.

[43:37] But I only got to see them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw them briefly before I tested positive for COVID.

[43:44] And then I said, no, thank you, my my parents. I don't want to get you sick. You're on your own.

[43:51] They had a lovely time in New York by themselves. But the point was, we were looking for something short for one reason and these double tapings.

[44:03] But I really appreciate the lack of incident in Firestarter, considering how tired I am from being sick.

[44:12] It's just like, yeah, yeah. Give it like it was a miserable experience watching.

[44:18] But I'm glad that nothing happened. Yes, we'll be the feels very much came off quickly.

[44:24] It feels a lot like they just shot the outline to the movie and said, we'll fill this in later.

[44:29] Wait, we made the movie already. Oh, no. Oh, boy.

[44:32] It honestly feels a little bit like a like a pilot for the for a Firestarter TV show that they like when it wasn't going to get picked up.

[44:44] They like just went back and like shot a couple extra things like shot her dad getting roasted and stuff.

[44:50] Yeah. Yeah. It wouldn't it wouldn't surprise me if it has it has a real USA original series feel to it.

[44:57] Yeah. Throughout. And I mean, I'm not in the Pacific where everyone's on bikes.

[45:02] Yeah. And like, what was that? What didn't Amazon do series based on that Hannah movie?

[45:11] So it's the same kind of show, right? You got a little magic girl who does stuff and blows people up.

[45:16] That's what Hannah's about. Right. Well, or she is a black widow or something.

[45:21] It's a sequel to Hannah Montana. It's a dark reimagining where instead of being a normal girl who's also like a big superstar,

[45:28] she's a normal girl who's also a super assassin but still performs country music.

[45:32] That makes sense. Let's get into Final Judgments because we're there already.

[45:37] Whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, a movie we kind of like.

[45:42] I'm going to start off my assessment by saying, like, I both understand and don't understand why they would do Firestarter at this point.

[45:52] Oh, I like that. I like that. That that paradox that you just presented.

[45:56] Please untangle it. So I understand why they do Firestarter because, you know, it's a it's a known it's a property with name recognition.

[46:06] It's an old movie that was not done well the first time. So there's room for improvement.

[46:12] And, hey, Stranger Things is big. Eleven from Stranger Things.

[46:19] That's basically like Firestarter style, you know, super powered young girl secret government project.

[46:28] Yeah. All this stuff. They're like. So that's why they thought, hey, yeah, let's do Firestarter.

[46:34] It's also why I find it so bad. Firestarter because this movie's lunch has been so thoroughly eaten by everything that has come since the writing of the book.

[46:44] Firestarter kicked off like this whole like type of thing anyway.

[46:50] Like there's been so many of these things and this brings nothing new to it.

[46:56] I have like this is quite possibly the most boring movie we've watched for the flop house to the degree that I was not only angrily texting you guys about it.

[47:08] I was also angrily texting all of my other friends basically who watch movies because it was the only thing that could keep me engaged.

[47:18] I was so like I am usually like I usually pride ourselves in doing a show with our like premise and not being mean about things.

[47:30] But like I just hate the experience of watching this damn thing. Maybe it's because I was sick.

[47:37] I don't know, but I didn't like it at all. It's a bad, bad movie.

[47:41] I'm the picture of health and I have felt similarly. I was so I find it so incredibly boring and so incredibly dull that I usually don't do this with flop house movies, even though we watch a lot of stuff that I don't really enjoy.

[47:52] This is one of the few times we're watching it. I was just thinking about other movies I could be watching during that time, like other things I could be doing during that time.

[48:01] It's one of these movies that makes you think about how there's only so many grains of sand in the hourglass, people.

[48:07] You got a limited amount of time on this earth and so why am I spending it watching Firestarter?

[48:13] Now again, I was doing dishes at the same time, so it's not like I wasn't totally making use of that time.

[48:17] Those dishes need to be cleaned. We eat off them. We have a limited supply of dishes in my house.

[48:21] If they get dirty, we can't just stop using them. We can't go out and buy new dishes every time we need clean dishes.

[48:27] But I could be watching something more meaningful than Firestarter.

[48:31] So I'm also going to say it's a bad movie or doing nothing.

[48:34] If you sat with your thoughts, it would be more productive than watching Firestarter by far.

[48:38] Worse than doing nothing, raves Dan McCoy.

[48:50] Definitely not at the height of the pandemic, but at some point during, I guess we're still in the pandemic.

[49:00] My wife and I went to a hotel and in order to get a drink at the bar, we had to order food.

[49:09] The food item was hummus and vegetables.

[49:14] It was the saddest styrofoam tray with hummus and a few baby carrots on it.

[49:23] There was no love present at all on that plate.

[49:28] I feel like that's kind of the same thing with this movie.

[49:32] Sure, some of the people involved are talented, but it did not feel like anybody involved had any passion.

[49:41] And if there was passion, it was not on the screen.

[49:44] It's so dull and feels so pointless.

[49:50] I mean, a single episode of Stranger Things costs more than this movie.

[49:57] It is inert.

[50:00] Yeah, there's no motion inside this movie you cracked it open.

[50:07] There's just more nothingness anyway.

[50:09] So yeah, I'm sorry.

[50:10] Yeah, I'm not not that bad bad.

[50:12] Yep.

[50:17] Hi, I'm Janet Varney and just like you I survived high school

[50:23] and we're not alone on my podcast the JV Club.

[50:26] I invite some of my friends to share the highs and lows of their

[50:30] teen years like moments with Aisha Tyler, but when you're a kid

[50:35] the stakes are just pretty low go to school try not to get in

[50:37] trouble get laid Jamila Jamil.

[50:40] I watched television probably every waking hour during that

[50:43] time and I was faced on medicine and Dave Holmes.

[50:47] We talked and talked and then everybody left.

[50:49] It was just us two and I was like, I love you learn how you

[50:51] two can be a functioning adult after the drama and heartbreak

[50:54] of high school every week on the JV Club with Janet Varney find

[50:58] it on maximum fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

[51:01] This is a judgment-free show.

[51:04] Hi, I'm Ben host of one bad mother whether you're a parent or

[51:07] just no kids exist in the world.

[51:10] Join us each week as we honestly share what it's like to be a

[51:13] parent.

[51:14] I signed my stepson up for a camp that is actually in another

[51:18] state.

[51:19] I feel really stupid and I don't think we're going to get the

[51:22] money back and then he found out that the car manual is a book

[51:25] about cars.

[51:26] So now he's reading our car manual.

[51:32] So join us each week as we judge less will have more and remind

[51:36] you that you are doing a great job download one bad mother on

[51:40] maximum fun.org.

[51:42] And yes, there will be swears.

[51:45] Hey, let's let's talk about our sponsors Stewart.

[51:50] I believe you have a message for one of our generous sponsors

[51:55] now, unfortunately for the characters and fire starter.

[51:59] They were given a macro dose of high-strength psychedelics, which

[52:03] brought out their psychic powers instead.

[52:05] What I'm going to talk about today is micro dosing.

[52:08] So you probably heard about micro dosing and if not just know

[52:11] that all sorts of people are micro dosing daily to feel healthier

[52:14] and perform better.

[52:16] Our show today is sponsored by micro dose gummies micro dose

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[52:23] feel just the right amount of good.

[52:27] I'm a I'm a user of micro dose gummies.

[52:30] I find them to be a great way to relax and also maybe to wipe out

[52:35] the the feelings of discomfort from watching the movie fire starter.

[52:40] They help me do creative projects.

[52:44] The big thing for me is that helps me sleep, which is nice helps

[52:47] me wind down at the end of the day and turn my brain off.

[52:50] So you micro dose gummies are available nationwide to learn more

[52:56] about micro dosing THC go to micro dose.com and use code flop to

[53:01] get free shipping and 30% off your first order links can be found

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[53:07] And again, that's micro dose.com code flop.

[53:13] We're also sponsored in part by Squarespace, which is the all-in-one

[53:17] platform for building your brand and growing your business online.

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[54:19] your first purchase of a website or domain.

[54:23] Hey, this first letter is from Jill last name withheld who writes

[54:28] lovely peaches really enjoyed your last ep on death on the Nile.

[54:33] Okay, and the discussion on changing stories slash characters and

[54:38] I wanted to send a line on my personal frustration.

[54:41] Agatha Christie purposefully wrote Hercule Poirot to not have an

[54:45] interest in sex or romance.

[54:48] We get so little asexual and aromantic representation and makes

[54:51] me super sad to see that they change it especially in such a lazy

[54:55] way.

[54:56] So I was hoping y'all might suggest some good asexual or aromantic

[55:01] stories to watch instead of being sad about another retconned

[55:05] Poirot keep on flopping in the free world Jill last name withheld

[55:11] well, of course you can turn to the other major detective in the

[55:18] English Canon comes although that you know, he is often also

[55:27] retconned to be in love with Irene Adler.

[55:31] Yeah character who he merely admires in the store the one story

[55:36] she appears in but you can find plenty of home stories that don't

[55:41] involve her.

[55:43] Also, there's a little there's a there's a you know, there's some

[55:47] stories that involve a lot of fellowship and the exchange of rings

[55:54] but without a lot of like the way you did that Stewart might know

[55:59] them.

[56:02] It's called green boys.

[56:07] Okay, we're making Lord of the Rings, but we got a we got to make

[56:10] it modern.

[56:11] We got to make it hip and edgy.

[56:12] So we're calling it ring boys with a Z.

[56:15] It's like entourage but in Middle Earth.

[56:17] Anyway, so here's Frodo.

[56:19] He's kind of the he's kind of the E of the group.

[56:22] Although Sam, I guess is kind of the E of the group and there's

[56:24] Mary and Pippin.

[56:25] They're both kind of the E of the group and then Gollum.

[56:27] He's like turtle.

[56:28] Anyway, ring boys, you know, all those jokes reminded me that we

[56:35] did that live show on the entourage movie, but I have no memory of

[56:39] what happens in the movie.

[56:41] All I remember in that movie is just a bunch of naked people dancing.

[56:45] I remember I remember the only scene I remember is the scene from

[56:49] Vince Vince's directorial debut that futuristic version of dr.

[56:52] Jekyll and Mr.

[56:53] Hyde where it's like a rave scene and it looks so dumb and so bad and

[56:58] the rest of the movie is about what a brilliant movie that is and

[57:00] then it wins the Golden Globe.

[57:02] Hell yeah.

[57:07] Any good non romance focused movies.

[57:12] I mean, there's a lot of movies without romance obviously, but like

[57:15] movies with like a strong relationship between people that don't have

[57:19] I don't know don't feel the need for a romance man.

[57:23] Now my brain is not working.

[57:26] That's all right.

[57:27] We talked some of them.

[57:28] I mean, yeah a movie that I mean, I it depends on what kind of movie

[57:32] you like to watch is the thing.

[57:33] I find that a lot of the movies that I know that don't have romance

[57:37] romance.

[57:37] I would say romance, which is not how people pronounce that romance.

[57:41] But a lot of the movies that I can think of that don't have romance

[57:45] are like guys on a mission movies if it's like the dirty dozen there's

[57:50] that one scene where they dance with those English women, but that's

[57:52] about it or like the good the bad and the ugly or dark of the sun,

[57:55] which is a movie about mercenaries in Africa.

[57:58] I don't know if that's kind of movie you're looking for but there's

[58:00] a lot of that kind of movie.

[58:02] But also if you can put up with Kevin Spacey in your movie, there's

[58:06] the movie margin call which is about the 2008 financial crisis and

[58:11] it has the most boring trailer.

[58:13] I had ever seen for a movie that the trailer was just people talking

[58:16] about financial stuff and I was like the all these big-name stars.

[58:19] This movie looks so dull and then I watch it and I was like, no, this

[58:22] is a gripping movie.

[58:23] This movie is really good and I don't think there's any romance in

[58:26] that and surprisingly for a movie about the financial industry.

[58:28] No scenes with lap dancing in them, which normally the movies make

[58:32] you think that that's all that they do when they're not just ripping

[58:35] off everyone else in America.

[58:37] But other than that, I mean, there's lots of documentaries that don't

[58:39] have romance in them.

[58:40] Like if you want to watch Harlan County USA, which is about a miners

[58:44] strike, you know, that's a great movie.

[58:47] I think there's no romance in it.

[58:52] For me, that's one of the kind of the appeals of Breaking Bad and

[58:56] even more Better Call Saul is that I feel like that they that romantic

[59:02] relationships and like sex very rarely if never seems to be a driving

[59:07] force for these characters and particularly in Better Call Saul where

[59:11] you have like two characters who are married, but there's like the

[59:14] I like their love is not the the the drive of the show.

[59:19] Like they're this like comfortable married couple, which I find very

[59:23] like I find something very pleasant about it.

[59:26] Like two characters who are just really comfortable together and it

[59:30] not being an issue like not being this like whirlwind romance thing,

[59:33] but I don't know.

[59:34] It's not quite the same thing, but it's it all this talk.

[59:37] It made me think of it.

[59:38] No, I like that.

[59:40] So there's no I mean, there's I mean, I mean, there's no I mean, you

[59:43] can watch alien.

[59:45] No, I mean alien doesn't have any romance in it.

[59:47] There's a little bit of sexuality around the xenomorph, which is a

[59:51] horrifying vision of sex gone wrong, but I don't know if that's the

[59:54] same thing.

[59:55] I mean the movie Dragon Slayer doesn't have any room.

[59:58] Okay, let's and I.

[1:00:00] Just Dragonheart, now that I think about it.

[1:00:02] I don't know about that. I'm going to have to check the tapes.

[1:00:06] I apologize. We're dumb.

[1:00:12] Hey, this is...

[1:00:13] I want to say less dumb and more just didn't have a lot of time to research and think about the question.

[1:00:19] Matthew, last name withheld, writes in...

[1:00:21] Lillard?

[1:00:23] I have to assume so.

[1:00:25] Well, let's see, he does sign his letter Wing Commander. I think, yeah, it is.

[1:00:29] Oh, shit.

[1:00:31] Hello, Dan. I hope this finds you well.

[1:00:33] Elliot's seemingly endless list of discrete concepts from the mini-episode Flophouse the Movie got stuck in my head.

[1:00:42] It was intolerable.

[1:00:44] I attribute its catchiness to its chaos.

[1:00:47] The mind exhausts itself, churning through the list again and again, desperately searching for any hint of a pattern.

[1:00:55] It has haunted the dusty corridors of my dome for too long, so I've rearranged your nonsense and organized it into a fucking narrative.

[1:01:03] So there. Ha. I won.

[1:01:06] It's now a vacation anthem. Love the show.

[1:01:09] I'm currently named Cool Video James or Buck Fink, formerly known as Scott Dracula Cosmic Rays.

[1:01:15] Or formally? Formally.

[1:01:17] I don't know why that's formal.

[1:01:19] I'll be puzzling out that last sentence for a long time.

[1:01:22] So your revenge has been served.

[1:01:25] Okay, so this is in reference to a song that he sent.

[1:01:29] Now, we're not that good at this.

[1:01:33] We're going to figure out some way that we can all listen to this song, because Elliot and Stuart will be hearing it for the first time.

[1:01:41] And, Alex, you drop the song in here.

[1:01:46] It's going to be great when Dan goes to visit Elliot in LA.

[1:01:50] I think that would be really cool.

[1:01:55] Wow, quite a build-up.

[1:02:07] I don't feel like there's that much of a narrative.

[1:02:20] Yeah, there is.

[1:02:24] There are fucking floors.

[1:02:26] They're walking.

[1:02:27] Closets.

[1:02:28] Palm trees.

[1:02:33] I think that would be really cool.

[1:02:52] Jet skis.

[1:02:56] Jet skis.

[1:02:58] And they're outside of the car dealership.

[1:03:15] Yeah, I guess I could talk about like...

[1:03:19] Going pink.

[1:03:24] Yeah.

[1:03:30] Oh, okay.

[1:03:49] Jet skis.

[1:03:53] Jet skis.

[1:03:57] Jet skis.

[1:04:01] Jet skis.

[1:04:03] Jet skis.

[1:04:05] Jet skis.

[1:04:07] Jet skis.

[1:04:09] Jet skis.

[1:04:11] Jet skis.

[1:04:12] Another one.

[1:04:13] Fucker.

[1:04:16] Kids these days, they've got hacksaws.

[1:04:18] Hush puppies.

[1:04:19] Stuffed animal rigs.

[1:04:20] With lots of multicolored colors on it.

[1:04:23] Pick up rocks.

[1:04:25] Clown noses.

[1:04:26] You know.

[1:04:27] Gloves without the fingers.

[1:04:29] But they can handle planes from their...

[1:04:55] There you go.

[1:04:56] Dan, have I just been micro-dosed?

[1:04:58] Hold on.

[1:04:59] Okay.

[1:05:00] There you go.

[1:05:01] What did you guys think of that?

[1:05:02] I mean, I'm so glad to have given...

[1:05:03] Matthew left me with that.

[1:05:04] Yeah.

[1:05:05] Helped give birth to that art.

[1:05:06] I take issue with the idea that there's now a narrative attached to that.

[1:05:07] To those words.

[1:05:08] A loose narrative.

[1:05:09] I have a question.

[1:05:10] So...

[1:05:11] It's like Mad God.

[1:05:12] I guess.

[1:05:13] Do you guys...

[1:05:14] Is that the kind of music you guys just listen to around the house?

[1:05:15] While you're doing things?

[1:05:16] I wouldn't say I generally put it on.

[1:05:34] I was definitely singing this...

[1:05:35] Well, the chorus.

[1:05:36] I don't remember any of those verses.

[1:05:37] All I remember is something about gloves with no fingers so they can handle change.

[1:05:38] I'm pretty old-fashioned, actually.

[1:05:39] When I'm around the house, if I'm going to be listening to music, it's always old-time

[1:05:50] rock and roll by Bob Seger.

[1:05:52] I'm always just in my underpants and sunglasses.

[1:05:57] And a button-down shirt.

[1:05:58] And a button-down shirt, yeah.

[1:06:00] Because it's, you know, what if company comes over?

[1:06:02] That's the thing.

[1:06:03] The wildest shit is the fact that he's wearing socks.

[1:06:08] So he can slide on the floor.

[1:06:10] Still, it's bonkers.

[1:06:11] Yeah.

[1:06:12] That shit's wild.

[1:06:13] Good news, everyone.

[1:06:14] I just got a word from my dad that their frequently delayed flight got them home after their trip

[1:06:24] out to New York to not really see me.

[1:06:27] So...

[1:06:28] I thought you were going to say, good news, my dad just called and he just said it's a

[1:06:31] number one hit in Germany.

[1:06:32] That's all we just heard.

[1:06:33] Yeah, let's go to Berlin.

[1:06:35] They want us for the video.

[1:06:36] But we couldn't afford it, because you're a video, if you want to make one, go ahead.

[1:06:42] Do it.

[1:06:43] Cool.

[1:06:44] Why not?

[1:06:45] So...

[1:06:46] Somebody in the Netherlands is going to be walking around with that as their ringtone,

[1:06:50] and I'm going to be very excited about it.

[1:06:52] Yeah.

[1:06:53] Yeah.

[1:06:54] So that was great.

[1:06:55] Thank you for that, Matt.

[1:06:56] That was great.

[1:06:57] Thank you.

[1:06:58] So, let's move on through this uncharacteristically tight episode of the Flophouse and recommend

[1:07:08] a movie you should definitely watch instead of spending your time on the remake of Firestarter.

[1:07:15] Or even the original of Firestarter, for that matter.

[1:07:18] Even the original.

[1:07:22] So I'd like to say, yesterday was the 4th of July.

[1:07:28] Mm-hmm.

[1:07:29] Mm-hmm.

[1:07:30] Is Dan going to recommend Born on the 4th of July?

[1:07:34] No, I mean, look, I have no particular affinity for the holiday, less so this year, where

[1:07:43] I am deeply dissatisfied by many things in the country.

[1:07:48] But I do have an attachment to the day, July 4th, because that was the day last year that

[1:07:55] I got engaged.

[1:07:58] And during...

[1:07:59] July 4th is the day you got engaged.

[1:08:02] That's also the day I got engaged.

[1:08:04] Really?

[1:08:05] Yeah.

[1:08:06] Not the same year.

[1:08:07] Didn't we talk about this last year?

[1:08:09] Yeah, we did.

[1:08:11] Anyway.

[1:08:12] So, during my recovery from being sick, Audrey and I had a nice little 4th of July double

[1:08:24] feature where we each picked a movie to watch.

[1:08:28] Oh, I feel bad for her.

[1:08:32] My movie was Inside Llewyn Davis, which I thought she would like.

[1:08:35] Which she thought was a porno.

[1:08:36] And she did.

[1:08:37] Okay.

[1:08:38] She liked it very much.

[1:08:41] And I was introduced to a movie from her childhood, Nanny McPhee.

[1:08:48] Not her childhood.

[1:08:49] I mean, but, like, a movie that I was not familiar with.

[1:08:54] It's okay, Dan.

[1:08:55] You can talk about how you have a child, right?

[1:08:58] She's younger than me, but not so much younger than Nanny McPhee would be.

[1:09:02] Anyway.

[1:09:03] But...

[1:09:04] Like, she shared a movie with me from her childhood, Firestarter 2022.

[1:09:08] Yeah, yeah.

[1:09:11] I didn't have any idea what to expect out of this movie.

[1:09:15] I was like, Nanny McPhee, I'm an adult person, and I heard mixed reviews for this film.

[1:09:23] You know?

[1:09:24] But, like, I think that often with a movie that's, like, a family or a kids movie that

[1:09:28] gets mixed reviews, like, something like Nanny McPhee is a very, like, retro style kids movie.

[1:09:36] It is explicitly sort of riffing on Mary Poppins, but in sort of a darker way.

[1:09:45] It's got kind of a more of a Roald Dahl feeling.

[1:09:47] I know it's based on, there's, like, a series of Nurse Matilda books in England from the

[1:09:52] 60s, but it's got that sort of kind of British...

[1:10:00] a Roald Dahl vibe to it.

[1:10:03] And I think that-

[1:10:04] So she doesn't like Jewish people.

[1:10:06] Within, yeah.

[1:10:08] Often when those movies are new,

[1:10:12] critics are hard on them

[1:10:13] because they're comparing them

[1:10:17] to some sort of fantasy version

[1:10:19] of a childhood favorite of theirs.

[1:10:25] Whereas once some time has passed,

[1:10:29] time flattens out,

[1:10:31] and everything in the past is just part of the past,

[1:10:34] and you don't feel like the need

[1:10:36] to hold things to this weird standard anymore.

[1:10:40] And this is all just a very

[1:10:47] not concise way of saying that I enjoyed it.

[1:10:50] It was very silly.

[1:10:53] It had a lot of laughs.

[1:10:55] It was just a goofy movie

[1:10:57] that also had like-

[1:10:59] But not a goofy movie.

[1:11:01] No, I mean, Emma Thompson, obviously Nanny McPhee,

[1:11:06] but you also have-

[1:11:07] I was waiting for it,

[1:11:08] and it did not disappoint.

[1:11:10] You have Colin Firth in it,

[1:11:12] and most importantly,

[1:11:14] you have Angela Lansbury in it as a sort of a-

[1:11:20] I'm just thinking about the way

[1:11:21] Elliot held his breath there for a second.

[1:11:26] Angela Lansbury as a dowager aunt

[1:11:29] who is deliberately sort of like,

[1:11:31] both in the way she is dressed

[1:11:33] and the prosthetic beak-like nose

[1:11:36] made up to look like a hen,

[1:11:40] like a chicken that has wandered into the movie.

[1:11:43] And I don't know, it was just fun.

[1:11:46] She's playing Mark McKinney's chicken lady character,

[1:11:49] basically.

[1:11:50] Basically.

[1:11:51] Guys, I may have reached the point

[1:11:54] at which I can no longer talk correctly,

[1:11:57] so you guys gotta take over,

[1:11:59] because I think that that was just a garbled word salad.

[1:12:02] So when you guys decided to do this double feature

[1:12:05] and she gave her choice,

[1:12:08] did you immediately like run over to Letterboxd

[1:12:11] or Rotten Tomatoes and be like,

[1:12:13] let me just double check

[1:12:14] what the critics are thinking about this one?

[1:12:16] Let me see what the top French rating is.

[1:12:19] There's definitely sometimes where,

[1:12:20] when Charlene and I are like,

[1:12:22] she'll suggest some random shit

[1:12:24] that popped up on a streaming service,

[1:12:25] and I'm like, ugh, that sounds like garbage.

[1:12:28] And sometimes I will look at this,

[1:12:30] which is stupid, just watch it,

[1:12:33] suck it up, make my partner happy, whatever.

[1:12:36] But every once in a while I'm like,

[1:12:38] I need to check to see what the critics thought

[1:12:40] of that fucking Melissa McCarthy movie.

[1:12:44] Yeah, I mean, if it's something

[1:12:46] that Melissa McCarthy made with her husband,

[1:12:51] then maybe I would also feel that way.

[1:12:54] But Audra would have been in college

[1:12:58] when Nanny McPhee came out.

[1:12:59] I wanna make this clear.

[1:13:00] So, cool.

[1:13:02] Sure, yeah, okay.

[1:13:03] Yeah, yeah.

[1:13:03] And she wasn't a Doogie Houser, right?

[1:13:06] No, she wasn't a Doogie Houser.

[1:13:09] Yes, she wasn't a Doogie Houser.

[1:13:13] All right, anyway.

[1:13:14] I'm afraid your child is what we've termed a Doogie Houser.

[1:13:17] Oh, that's a good thing, right?

[1:13:18] No, no, not at all, no.

[1:13:21] Speaking of Doogie Houser and Inside Llewyn Davis,

[1:13:25] it was only on this rewatch that I'm like,

[1:13:28] fucking Vinny Delvecchio is in this movie?

[1:13:32] You didn't recognize him?

[1:13:34] No, I didn't recognize Doogie's pal.

[1:13:36] Yeah, Max Delon?

[1:13:37] Our Max Fun cohorts,

[1:13:43] Helen Hong has a small role in it,

[1:13:46] which I was delighted to see in Inside Llewyn Davis.

[1:13:49] Anyway, Stuart, you look like you're raring to recommend.

[1:13:51] Oh, shit, I guess I am.

[1:13:53] I'm gonna recommend a movie I watched a little bit ago

[1:13:56] that I don't think I've recommended.

[1:13:59] I'm recommending a movie that is streaming on Hulu

[1:14:02] called Fire Island.

[1:14:05] It is a-

[1:14:06] I was gonna say Starter.

[1:14:07] Fire Starter.

[1:14:08] Fire Starter.

[1:14:10] And you're like, wait, I had to watch it on,

[1:14:12] I watched it on Peacock,

[1:14:13] a much worse streaming service than Hulu.

[1:14:17] So yeah, Fire Island.

[1:14:19] It is a rom-com that is very indebted to Jane Austen.

[1:14:24] That's short for Roman comedy, right?

[1:14:27] It is.

[1:14:28] Comedy set in Rome.

[1:14:29] Well, based on some of the haircuts.

[1:14:30] Well, mostly Roman holiday.

[1:14:33] So it's what, like, written in stars Joel Kim Booster

[1:14:38] and Bowen Yang and Margaret Cho,

[1:14:42] and it is about a group of friends

[1:14:45] who are going to spend the week at Fire Island together

[1:14:50] and, you know, along the way they find love

[1:14:54] and they, you know, they reaffirm their friendships

[1:14:58] and all that stuff, and it's cute and it's fun,

[1:15:00] and there's a lot of hunks.

[1:15:03] Oh boy, so many hunks, so many hard bodies.

[1:15:07] And at first I was like,

[1:15:09] before I kind of figured, like,

[1:15:10] realized that it was going for a Jane Austen thing,

[1:15:13] I thought there's a,

[1:15:15] Joel Kim Booster's character gives a lot of narration.

[1:15:19] And at first I'm like, are they just trying to explain,

[1:15:21] are they, like, explaining, like,

[1:15:23] gay culture to the normals?

[1:15:25] But it works within the Jane Austen framework.

[1:15:29] And it's funny and cute.

[1:15:30] And also having last summer,

[1:15:33] Char and I finally went out and stayed

[1:15:35] with some friends on Fire Island.

[1:15:37] And we got to see some places that were familiar to us,

[1:15:41] including the Ice Palace,

[1:15:43] where Charlene got yelled at by a drag queen.

[1:15:46] So it was great.

[1:15:47] Good times.

[1:15:48] So if you want to enjoy the movie just like I did,

[1:15:50] watch Fire Island.

[1:15:55] There's a lot of steps to go through

[1:15:56] to enjoy the movie specifically,

[1:15:58] like you did.

[1:15:59] Back in time.

[1:16:00] Quantum leap into my body.

[1:16:04] I have a movie to recommend too.

[1:16:05] You know, the movie we talked about today,

[1:16:06] Firestarter 2022,

[1:16:09] is about a family in crisis

[1:16:12] with a daughter who is having problems

[1:16:15] controlling an issue

[1:16:17] that her parents don't know how to deal with.

[1:16:19] And it reminded me a lot of a movie I saw recently.

[1:16:21] That's right, Through a Glass Darkly,

[1:16:23] directed by Ingmar Bergman

[1:16:25] and starring Harriet Anderson and Max von Sydow

[1:16:29] and Gunnar Bjornstrand and Larson Paskardt.

[1:16:31] Not Harry Anderson.

[1:16:33] No, not Mike Hortz, Harry Anderson,

[1:16:36] but the actress, Harriet Anderson.

[1:16:38] But think about Harry Anderson and Max von Sydow.

[1:16:41] What the fuck did they talk about?

[1:16:44] Magic, I guess.

[1:16:46] I mean, yeah, the magic.

[1:16:47] Yeah, the magic of acting and the magic of-

[1:16:48] The gathering?

[1:16:49] Actual magic.

[1:16:50] Yeah, magic.

[1:16:51] Harry Anderson and Max von Sydow

[1:16:52] were both huge Magic the Gathering players.

[1:16:54] Oh, shit.

[1:16:55] Yeah.

[1:16:56] Oh, man, you know that Max von Sydow

[1:16:58] only plays black decks.

[1:17:01] He's like swamp, swamp, swamp.

[1:17:03] You know, he's called, they go,

[1:17:05] yes, operator, could you send me to Wizards of the Coast?

[1:17:10] I have some complaints to make.

[1:17:13] I don't like the way they changed the art

[1:17:15] in Demon of the Pit or whatever it's called,

[1:17:17] whatever that is.

[1:17:18] It's Lord of the Pit.

[1:17:19] Lord of the Pit, thank you.

[1:17:21] So anyway, it's the story of,

[1:17:24] there's just four actors in the whole thing.

[1:17:25] It's the story of a woman who is dealing with schizophrenia,

[1:17:31] her husband, and her father and her brother,

[1:17:33] and they each have different issues

[1:17:35] relating to each other, relating to themselves,

[1:17:38] and relating to God and their place in the universe.

[1:17:40] And it is a movie with no supernatural elements

[1:17:44] that nonetheless-

[1:17:46] Except for Max von Sydow.

[1:17:48] Except for the existence of Max von Sydow,

[1:17:51] Magic the Gathering, Demon of the Pit.

[1:17:54] So Harry Anderson,

[1:17:54] he would really annoy Max von Sydow on set.

[1:17:57] I don't know what set they were both working on together,

[1:17:59] but they would play Magic the Gathering together

[1:18:00] and he would make Max von Sydow's cards disappear

[1:18:03] in the middle of the game.

[1:18:04] He'd go, Harry, please,

[1:18:05] I'm trying to play a serious game of Magic the Gathering

[1:18:08] with you, and you keep with your tricks and jokes and japes.

[1:18:14] And you would think that Max von Sydow

[1:18:15] and Werner Herzog would play cards together,

[1:18:18] but it turns out Werner Herzog's more of a Yu-Gi-Oh guy.

[1:18:21] Yo, yo, you know, when I look at Yu-Gi-Oh,

[1:18:26] I see the chaos and unmeaningness of the universe,

[1:18:29] and I feel I have to catch all these monsters

[1:18:32] and have them battle each other.

[1:18:33] For what reason?

[1:18:34] None other than the superiority of my deck.

[1:18:37] Exactly, he's like, okay.

[1:18:40] I regret to inform you that I once again

[1:18:43] have drawn my blue eyes white dragon.

[1:18:46] I heard a tale of a race of digital monsters or Digimon,

[1:18:53] but I have not yet been able to explore.

[1:18:56] Wow, yeah, he just loves it all.

[1:18:57] He loves the whole range.

[1:19:00] Yeah, the whole thing.

[1:19:03] He's so into collectible games of all kinds,

[1:19:06] collectible card games.

[1:19:09] I find the challenge of Pokemon is to catch them all,

[1:19:13] and you can never catch them all,

[1:19:15] but that Team Rocket is always trying to stop me,

[1:19:18] and I feel like I need to get in their way first.

[1:19:20] Anyway, anyway, Through a Glass Darkly,

[1:19:23] it won the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film,

[1:19:26] and it's kind of a chamber drama of a family,

[1:19:30] and like I said, there's no supernatural elements,

[1:19:32] but there's a strange kind of darkness and eeriness to it,

[1:19:35] and I found it very haunting,

[1:19:37] so that's Through a Glass Darkly.

[1:19:39] Okay, three recommendations.

[1:19:43] Hey, sounds great.

[1:19:45] Let's wrap this thing up, slap a bow on it,

[1:19:50] pipe it out to the podcast pals out there,

[1:19:53] podcasting lions.

[1:19:54] It's just a celebration of movies, you know?

[1:19:56] That's what we're doing here.

[1:19:57] Yeah, that's what it really is.

[1:20:00] I call this the flop house of celebration of movies.

[1:20:07] Now I really want to write a one-act play about Harry Anderson and Max von Sydow playing

[1:20:13] cliff and card games with each other.

[1:20:18] Thank you to MaximumFun.org.

[1:20:21] It's our podcast network.

[1:20:24] Go over there, check out some other podcasts.

[1:20:27] Thank you to Alex Smith, our producer, for putting this thing together.

[1:20:32] Thank you for coming back from being on the beach last time.

[1:20:36] I'm sorry that I mixed the last episode a little low, but it sounds fine.

[1:20:42] And thank you to you, the listener, for joining us yet again for this madness.

[1:20:48] But until next time, I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:20:52] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:20:54] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:20:56] Good night.

[1:21:01] I got a bit for this one.

[1:21:04] Yeah, I got a bit.

[1:21:06] OK, on this episode, we discuss Firestarter.

[1:21:10] Now, is it a freaky Firestarter or a meekly Firestarter?

[1:21:15] You be the judge.

[1:21:21] What?

[1:21:22] You know what, I've got one, too.

[1:21:23] I've got one, too.

[1:21:24] Why don't we try out this one, too?

[1:21:26] You're a hot bit.

[1:21:28] I have no idea.

[1:21:29] I have no idea what that means.

[1:21:31] Dude, this episode is going to drop and people are going to die from laughing so hard.

[1:21:38] It's going to be like the fucking Ringu of podcasts.

[1:21:42] Sure.

[1:21:44] All right.

[1:21:45] Yeah, let's do it.

[1:21:46] Let's do another take.

[1:21:46] Just, you know, just just in case we don't want to kill all of humanity.

[1:21:51] Yeah.

[1:21:52] Maximum fun dot org comedy and culture.

[1:21:55] Artist owned.

[1:21:56] Audience supported.

Episode #374 - Firestarter (2022)

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