EPISODE #376 – Morbius, LIVE!

[0:00] On this episode we discuss Morbius live from Brooklyn, New York

[0:30] This is the point where the people who have never been to these shows before are like,

[0:38] oh they're really just sitting at that table.

[0:42] I apologize to everyone sitting in this general zone.

[0:47] Apologize for how much of Elliot they get to see.

[0:50] Thank you.

[0:52] You need to sit over there because I'm not tall enough to really be seen over the table

[0:56] so if you want to see me, you've got to go over there.

[0:59] Elliot was doing some squats backstage and guys, he's got it.

[1:02] Thank you.

[1:03] Thanks.

[1:04] He's got it.

[1:05] He's got it.

[1:06] He's got it.

[1:07] He's got it.

[1:08] Tucked legs.

[1:09] Yeah.

[1:10] So should we start the show now?

[1:11] Yeah.

[1:12] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[1:16] In this case, this is a live show.

[1:18] We're back live.

[1:19] Yay!

[1:20] Woo!

[1:21] For the first time.

[1:22] That's right.

[1:23] The first time in a long time.

[1:24] Over two years.

[1:25] And so of course we went to our old homestead, the Bell House.

[1:28] I mean, honestly, this is where I would want to be.

[1:30] I love this place.

[1:31] The staff are great.

[1:32] Tip the bartenders.

[1:33] It's awesome.

[1:34] Yeah.

[1:35] And it's extremely convenient for two-thirds of us.

[1:39] Not you.

[1:40] Not so much for me.

[1:42] Not so much.

[1:43] But I tacked on a visit to my family in New Jersey so it's all worth it.

[1:48] You can write off your love as a work expense.

[1:51] Oh, I've been doing that for years.

[1:53] Yeah.

[1:54] Morbius.

[1:55] What about this movie?

[1:56] Well, everybody, we're talking about Morbius today.

[1:59] That's right, Morbius.

[2:00] It starts with an M and that rhymes with movie.

[2:01] No, wait a minute.

[2:02] Hold on.

[2:03] It starts, M movie starts with M and that rhymes with...

[2:07] Oogie.

[2:08] Oogie.

[2:09] Uh-huh.

[2:10] Yeah.

[2:11] Which is not a word.

[2:12] Which kind of sounds like Oogie Loves.

[2:13] Yeah.

[2:14] And the Great Balloon Adventure.

[2:15] Which is a movie.

[2:16] Which is a different movie.

[2:17] So Morbius, I don't have to tell you all in the audience or you listening at home that

[2:19] Morbius was meant to be the movie of the summer.

[2:22] It was the movie that was released to theaters only to die.

[2:26] Only to rise again and be released a second time to die yet again.

[2:31] Just like Jesus except dying a second time.

[2:36] Let's see.

[2:37] Did Morbius deserve this unheralded fate?

[2:40] I mean, it's a Morbius movie.

[2:41] Of course it did.

[2:42] Before we start talking about the movie, we're going to summarize this movie.

[2:46] I'm curious, show of loudness or hands in the audience, how many of you are familiar

[2:49] with the character of Michael Morbius before this movie was announced?

[2:53] Okay.

[2:54] Surprising amount.

[2:55] It's too bad that remember this is a podcast audience, so those numbers should be way higher.

[3:00] Yeah.

[3:01] This is not an accurate sample size of the American public.

[3:03] I made a point of calling him Michael Morbius, leaving out the fact that he did all that

[3:06] hard work to become a doctor at age 18.

[3:09] Sorry, Dr. Michael Morbius.

[3:10] You're right.

[3:11] Dr. Michael Morbius, M.D.

[3:12] Perhaps, I'm just going to call him...

[3:14] Morbius Doctor is what that stands for.

[3:16] I'm going to...

[3:17] Yeah, Morbius Doctor.

[3:18] It's a little redundant, but he insists upon it.

[3:20] He gave himself the degree.

[3:21] I think we could all...

[3:22] It's like Rand Paul with ophthalmology.

[3:23] He licensed himself.

[3:24] Yeah.

[3:25] I think let's...

[3:26] I'm going to say something that might be a bit of a controversial thing among Spider-Fans.

[3:31] My second, maybe second least favorite Spider-Man character.

[3:34] Wow.

[3:35] Yeah.

[3:36] Ask me who my least favorite one is.

[3:37] Who's your least favorite?

[3:38] Molten Man, piece of shit.

[3:40] What a crappy character Molten Man is.

[3:43] He's not even really molten.

[3:44] What is...

[3:45] Yeah.

[3:46] Does he melt?

[3:48] Hot metal covered him and somehow gave him super strength and thick skin.

[3:51] He started out as a crazy guy, but he's also Spider-Man's friend, Liz Allen's half brother,

[3:55] I think.

[3:56] Now, he just wears a suit and goes to work every day.

[4:00] At the chemical company.

[4:01] Like the metal suit or just a normal suit?

[4:02] No, a normal suit.

[4:03] He works at the same place that he had that workplace injury?

[4:06] Yes, he does.

[4:08] It's a family business, so he couldn't sue.

[4:11] You know...

[4:12] Get out of here.

[4:13] There are economic pressures.

[4:14] Elliot.

[4:15] He's a terrible character.

[4:16] Morbius is second terrible.

[4:17] And he comes from a time when the comic book code...

[4:20] This is going to be boring.

[4:21] The comic book code in the 1970s...

[4:22] I mean, we can't skip it.

[4:23] No, we can't.

[4:24] It's always an option.

[4:25] No, no.

[4:26] People saw it was a Morbius episode, they said, get boring.

[4:29] Yeah.

[4:30] There was a rule that said no vampires.

[4:31] In the 70s, they were like, you know what, you can have vampires.

[4:34] And Marvel's like, great, let's have Spider-Man fight Dracula.

[4:36] And then Stan Lee said, no, it's got to be a superhero vampire, not Dracula.

[4:40] And then Dracula showed up later in the Marvel books anyway.

[4:43] So they invented this guy.

[4:45] Anyway, Morbius begins in the misty jungles of Costa Rica.

[4:48] So we see a helicopter go into a cave full of bats.

[4:51] And it just made me feel bad, because Costa Rica is also where all the Jurassic Park shenanigans

[4:55] have.

[4:56] When will American monster stuff stop using Costa Rica as its stomping grounds?

[4:59] You know, it's not fair to the Costa Ricans.

[5:00] It's a lovely country.

[5:01] They're pretty laid back there.

[5:02] They don't even have an army.

[5:03] And it's like, you know what, leave them alone.

[5:05] Anyway, so that's my pro-Costa Rica rant.

[5:10] Stop sending American vampires to Costa Rica.

[5:12] Come on, everybody.

[5:14] There's this cave full of bats.

[5:15] What's weird is that Michael Morbius, I think, is already at the cave.

[5:18] The helicopter shows up.

[5:19] It's unclear from the editing, at least to me, whether he was on the helicopter or he

[5:22] was just there waiting for his ride.

[5:26] And he's on...

[5:27] Oh, no, he does come out of the helicopter.

[5:29] He comes out on crutches.

[5:30] And he's amazed, he says, by the power of these vampire bats.

[5:33] And he sets up a big trap that's like made out of electric strings or something.

[5:37] And the helicopter pilot is like, I don't want to stay here past sundown.

[5:41] And this is the problem the movie has, is that it seems to confuse vampire bats with

[5:44] vampires, which are not the same thing.

[5:46] Vampire bats are just called that because they drink blood.

[5:48] But like, they're bats.

[5:49] They're this.

[5:50] They're just bats.

[5:51] They don't bite you unless you're asleep and you're a cow, so you don't really have to

[5:55] worry about it.

[5:56] I do only one of those things.

[5:59] And your CPAP machine is so loud, it would scare the bats away.

[6:03] They would mess with their echolocation and they'd crash into walls.

[6:07] Now, here's where I reveal the surprising twist that I have seen Morbius twice at this

[6:14] point.

[6:15] Yeah, okay.

[6:16] As someone who...

[6:17] I feel bad.

[6:18] I said all those bad things about Morbius before.

[6:19] Dan's a real Morb head.

[6:20] He was so excited.

[6:21] He said, finally, my favorite Spider-Man character, second favorite, Molten Man, he said, is there

[6:25] finally they're going to make a movie out of him, and he went to the theaters.

[6:28] As a season pass holder at the Alamo Draft House and someone who has, you know, interesting

[6:36] work schedules.

[6:37] At the time you were, let's call it, amorphously employed.

[6:41] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[6:43] My friend John was like, I'm going to Morbius.

[6:45] I'm like, hell yeah, let's do it.

[6:48] It's two o'clock on a weekday?

[6:51] I'll never die.

[6:55] There is no, there is no, maybe no greater spitting in the eye of God than seeing Morbius

[6:59] twice with the limited time that he has given you on this earth.

[7:05] Which man gets three score in ten?

[7:07] I don't think so.

[7:08] I'm seeing Morbius a second time.

[7:10] You make fun of me, profit.

[7:14] We were watching the movie this afternoon and Dan got up to go to the bathroom and he

[7:17] made me pause it.

[7:20] A half truth at best.

[7:24] No, I just wanted to say that, like, I saw it twice.

[7:27] Now you get it.

[7:28] Only this second time I do get something, which is like this, this first scene is set

[7:33] up as if it's going to be a framing device, like everything in watching movies, like movie

[7:38] language taught me to think like, OK, this is a scene.

[7:41] We're seeing a bit of it now.

[7:42] We're going to return to this point at some part of the movie.

[7:46] We never returned to this point.

[7:48] This is not a framing device.

[7:50] This is just like we want to see bats up top and then we'll get into chronologically telling

[7:56] the story.

[7:57] But in between Dr. Michael, Michael Morbius being a child and being an adult soon to be

[8:03] vampire man, there is this scene that we saw earlier.

[8:08] Yeah, I think.

[8:09] Yeah, it's sold out of order and a kind of a, you know, magical realist sort of Gabriel

[8:13] Garcia Marquez style.

[8:15] Yeah.

[8:16] It's a brilliant work.

[8:17] You expect Michael Morbius to get surrounded by bats and turn and face the camera and say,

[8:21] hey, guys, you're probably wondering how I got here.

[8:25] Yeah, this hairdresser's smock surrounded by that cool guy like me over the course of

[8:31] the movie.

[8:32] But we don't know.

[8:33] You don't know.

[8:34] Well, we do learn.

[8:35] But anyway, so Morbius cuts his hand.

[8:36] He holds the bloody cut up to the trap.

[8:37] And of course, because that's like sharks, I guess, can detect a little bit of blood

[8:41] in just a lot of air.

[8:42] The bats rush out of the cave to get at that sweet blood.

[8:45] And the crew of the helicopter runs away as Morbius stands up to the bats bravely and

[8:50] lets them, I guess, lick at his hands because because then we cut to Greece.

[8:55] It says 25 years earlier, even though it seems like the 1950s, but this is like 1997.

[9:00] And yeah, we meet young Michael Morbius, not yet the kind of guy who would stick his bloody

[9:04] hand against a bunch of bats.

[9:06] And he loves origami.

[9:07] That's important.

[9:08] And he he lives at a hospital because he's got a rare blood disorder that makes it hard

[9:12] for his body to do stuff.

[9:14] And he's watched over by a meal.

[9:17] And that's that's the technical term.

[9:19] I mean, they don't really go into it much.

[9:20] Dr. Emile Nicholas, played by Jared Harris, one of my favorites.

[9:23] And that's right.

[9:25] He went to Jared twice.

[9:32] So so I'm regaining my strength.

[9:38] So Dr. Jared Harris goes, oh, there's this new kid, Lucien.

[9:40] And Morbius goes, all the kids who sleep in the bed next to me are named Milo.

[9:43] Your name's Milo now.

[9:45] And inexplicably, they're now best friends.

[9:47] Yeah.

[9:49] So later, as Stuart and Charlene pointed out when we're watching it, Jared Harris refers

[9:53] to this kid as Milo.

[9:54] It just becomes his name.

[9:57] It's crazy.

[9:58] And we're supposed to like this guy who.

[10:00] Put this other name on this kid.

[10:02] Yeah, that's not how names work usually.

[10:05] And they've got this rare genetic disease.

[10:07] They need infusions of blood three times a day.

[10:10] Very rough.

[10:10] And across the street, a bunch of mean Greek teens heckle them.

[10:14] Oh, those Greek teens.

[10:16] Oh, that's what the movie Grease was about.

[10:18] How mean they are.

[10:22] So one day, Lucian passes out because his blood machine breaks down.

[10:25] And Michael Morbius fixes it just in time.

[10:27] He's just a kid, but he knows how to fix this blood machine.

[10:29] And Dr. Jared Harris is like, you should go to a school for gifted kids.

[10:32] And Michael writes a letter to Milo slash Lucian saying, hey, this isn't goodbye.

[10:36] I'm going to find a cure for us.

[10:38] And then Milo goes outside.

[10:39] He immediately goes outside and the Greek teen sees him and beat him up.

[10:42] Yeah, immediately without his dark protector.

[10:45] But it's funny to me that Jared Harris is like, oh, there's a school for gifted teens.

[10:51] He's like, do you know a team of scientists had to design that machine and you fixed it

[10:55] with a spring from this pin?

[10:57] I'm like, yeah, he didn't have to rebuild the machine.

[11:02] I mean, I look, I couldn't fix some Milo's machine if you put that as a test to me.

[11:08] But I don't think it's like amazing that he's like, oh, the power.

[11:11] I need to link the power.

[11:12] Like he acts like, I don't know, I'm sending you off to spring school to be a spring scientist.

[11:17] Yeah, he's the world's greatest spring ologist.

[11:20] And but it is it is like he's like, you defeated their machine.

[11:23] You must be smarter than them.

[11:26] So so cut to, I guess it's 25 years later from the place we just work as Dr.

[11:31] Michael Morbius has all grown up and getting the Nobel Prize for creating artificial blood.

[11:36] And Jared Harris was presenting it to him, which seems weird.

[11:39] He's not on the note.

[11:39] Maybe he's on the Nobel Committee, in which case he should have recused himself if his

[11:43] former patient and friends and protege is winning.

[11:46] Also, if anything, he looks younger than he did 20 years ago.

[11:49] Jared Harris does not Michael Morbius.

[11:52] He takes care of himself.

[11:54] And the thing is, they specifically say that the synthetic blood Dr.

[11:58] Michael Morbius invented has saved more people than penicillin, which is a lot.

[12:03] That's a lot.

[12:04] That's a lot of people.

[12:05] A lot of people.

[12:05] It's like the biggest effect of superheroes had on the world.

[12:09] It's far, far better than the other stuff superheroes do.

[12:12] Usually every now and then they say, yeah, destroying Sokovia.

[12:17] Whoever talks about that these days at the it's amazing.

[12:20] These good works came from this bad boy, Michael Morbius, played by Jared Leto, a genuine

[12:24] real life bad boy who supposedly does bad things.

[12:29] So but we learn in the next scene that he rejected the Nobel Prize despite being there

[12:33] at the ceremony.

[12:34] So I guess he waded through the whole could have been an email.

[12:37] He showed up.

[12:38] His mentor talked about what a great duty is.

[12:40] He gets up to the podium and I guess was like, piece of socks walks away.

[12:45] And he never really gives a reason, I think, as to why he.

[12:47] Yeah, he just wanted to hear him as he stormed off.

[12:50] He goes, I feed off your head.

[12:52] I feed off your head.

[12:52] Boomy.

[12:54] I think he says, like, I can't accept an award for something that was a mistake, which speaking

[12:59] of penicillin, correct me if I'm wrong.

[13:02] Like, it just seems like, yeah, just take the award.

[13:04] Take the W, dude.

[13:06] Well, considering Dustin Hoffman won a Nobel Prize for the moment in Midnight Cowboy when

[13:10] a car almost hits him and he goes, hey, I'm walking here, which was also a mistake.

[13:13] That wasn't supposed to happen.

[13:14] I can't believe they gave out Nobel Prizes for moments in movies.

[13:19] It was it was a thin year.

[13:20] It was a very thin year for physics.

[13:22] That was that was the physics Nobel Prize.

[13:26] So Dr. Morbius is telling this all to a child patient who thinks he's a real badass for

[13:30] turning down the Nobel.

[13:32] And he's with his his his love interest slash partner, Dr.

[13:36] Martine Bancroft, who says that you are pushing yourself too hard.

[13:40] This isn't good for you.

[13:41] But she's figured out his secret that in his secret lab, which is across the hall from

[13:46] where his patients are, he has been mixing human DNA with bat DNA.

[13:52] And he's got a big tube.

[13:53] And when you press a button, it fills with bats like a money.

[13:57] He's got a bat zone in his.

[13:59] And sometimes they'll be talking and we'll hear it like muffled as if we're in the bat

[14:04] zone watching them.

[14:05] And then the camera just pans onto the bat zone and we hear them normal.

[14:08] It's crazy.

[14:09] It doesn't it's not it doesn't really work is what you're saying.

[14:12] You were pointing out earlier that he's acting as if he's hiding these bats.

[14:17] If you just turn the lights on in the bat zone, you see the bats show up.

[14:20] Someone's got to clean that room.

[14:22] Is Michael Morbius doing the janitorial duties for that room?

[14:27] Science meant that there's a lot of guano in there.

[14:30] Well, there's no there's nothing is the tube is guano free, which means someone is really

[14:33] working hard.

[14:34] That's shit like crazy.

[14:37] And that stuff is phosphorus heavy.

[14:39] So so anyway, she finds this big tube of bats and he's like, you know, that vampire bat

[14:46] saliva has a unique anticoagulant.

[14:48] And if humans could make that, it would cure my disorder.

[14:50] It's like, hold on, dude.

[14:52] So would you be like spitting into your own blood?

[14:54] That doesn't make any sense.

[14:56] Hold on.

[14:56] And and this is the first part where the movie is sort of slowly establishing over the course

[15:01] of the film that vampire bats are magic in some way and that they have supernatural powers

[15:05] without ever going so far as to say it.

[15:07] And there's a lot of points in the movie that would make more sense if they were like, oh,

[15:09] yeah, bats are magic instead of this kind of made up science stuff.

[15:12] OK, it's my favorite bat store in Brooklyn.

[15:15] Bats are magic.

[15:16] Yeah.

[15:18] Some local humor for those listening over the podcast.

[15:21] I hope that people listening to the recording are also in Brooklyn.

[15:23] Yeah.

[15:24] Yeah.

[15:25] And she's like, this is too much.

[15:26] You shouldn't tamper in God's domain.

[15:28] And he's like, big things only come from pushing boundaries.

[15:31] Just look at all the great.

[15:32] Do you?

[15:32] Yeah, well, but there are limits.

[15:34] I mean, but on the other hand, there are limits.

[15:36] This is definitely one of those things where it's just like,

[15:39] you're tampering in God's domain.

[15:41] It's like, yeah, I guess.

[15:43] But in real life, you know, combining yourself with a bat doesn't turn you into a vampire.

[15:48] I'll remind you.

[15:49] I'll remind you, Dan.

[15:50] This is a movie.

[15:52] I get it.

[15:53] I just I think that you pointed out how like conspiratorial thinking has been unhealthy for

[15:58] the world.

[15:58] I think there are a lot of these Frankenstein derivatives that are like, oh, science will

[16:03] inevitably lead to monsters running amok.

[16:06] And it's just like, no, no science.

[16:08] It's going to help us guys.

[16:09] Chill out.

[16:10] Yeah.

[16:11] Worst case scenario, there's thousands of nuclear weapons just lying around.

[16:15] But that's OK.

[16:16] Not all.

[16:17] I'm just saying it's a double edged science sword.

[16:20] Boo.

[16:21] You found a counter example.

[16:23] I guess everything I said was wrong.

[16:25] I did it.

[16:25] I bet you don't even know what AR stands for.

[16:28] An AR-15.

[16:28] Dan, debate me.

[16:30] So anyway, so I don't really think that anyway.

[16:34] So anyway, Morbius is like, I'm just injecting a mouse with this human bat DNA and the mouse

[16:39] dies immediately.

[16:41] But then they get called away and they come back.

[16:44] That mouse is doing great.

[16:45] It's up and kicking.

[16:46] It worked.

[16:46] And it's got like this little costume on.

[16:48] It looks like a real vampire.

[16:50] Yeah, that is.

[16:51] It would have been so amazing if they came back and the mouse.

[16:53] They're like, wait a minute.

[16:54] This mouse isn't showing up in a mirror.

[16:55] Hold on.

[16:57] I'll just feed the mouse.

[16:58] Let's offer it this garlicky pizza slice.

[17:00] Oh, it's shrinking away from it.

[17:02] Well, it's a cheese, but not the garlic.

[17:04] I'll just do what I always do every day and baptize this mouse in holy water.

[17:08] Oh, he's burning.

[17:09] So and this is the point where my notes I wrote this.

[17:13] They put a character.

[17:13] They put a patient in a coma.

[17:15] And that's why I wrote my notes.

[17:16] Lito's performance is sedate to comatose itself, because this is a guy who's supposed to be

[17:20] kind of like a charismatic bad boy of medicine.

[17:23] And I don't know if you guys felt the same way.

[17:25] It's almost like he is already dead throughout the movie.

[17:28] He's so his energy is so low.

[17:30] And I wondered if he was not like Han Solo, who's charismatic and full of energy.

[17:33] His energy is so low that.

[17:35] How low is it?

[17:37] That it's hard for him to carry a whole movie.

[17:40] And do you think he was doing this because we all know we've all heard the stories that

[17:44] he was so into this character that he figured this character would have trouble going to

[17:48] the bathroom.

[17:48] So I will also have trouble going to the bathroom.

[17:50] And he was taking so long to go to the bathroom in between takes that it was putting them

[17:54] movie behind schedule.

[17:55] So do you think that he was also like this character would be very low energy because

[17:58] he doesn't have a lot of Elliott Elliott.

[18:01] Was that a that's a true story?

[18:02] I have to check.

[18:03] Apparently would wouldn't tell a joke about Jared Leto.

[18:07] Or apparently, I mean, this is a story I heard.

[18:09] I wasn't there.

[18:09] He apparently limp on his crutches to the bathroom.

[18:12] And I guess, you know, close the door of privacy, you know, and nobody knows what was going

[18:16] on there.

[18:16] But it was taking so long for him to go use the bathroom and come back that it was putting

[18:20] them behind schedule.

[18:21] They had to come up with a compromise, which is someone would wheel him to the bathroom

[18:24] in a wheelchair.

[18:25] It just sounds like I mean, like you, as a man with two children, probably understands

[18:30] the joy of going to the bathroom and staying there for a while.

[18:33] Not.

[18:34] Oh, yeah.

[18:34] By myself.

[18:34] Yes, exactly.

[18:35] With them.

[18:36] I don't know with them.

[18:37] When my child goes, my child can use the bathroom by himself.

[18:40] It was coming to the bathroom.

[18:41] But I want you in the room to turn around.

[18:42] Don't look at me.

[18:43] It's like this is weird.

[18:45] I'm sure the show.

[18:48] Very much so.

[18:49] Yeah.

[18:49] Oh, I'd love to go in there, read for a while.

[18:52] You know, anyway, but that's besides the point.

[18:54] The point is, guys, why is Jared Leto so so nonexistent in this?

[18:58] I mean, that's what he thinks a smart person does.

[19:02] Like, maybe he thinks a smart person leans against stuff and closes their eyes a lot.

[19:07] OK, I believe it.

[19:08] OK, so he leans on her crutches and his long hair and special effects.

[19:14] So Michael goes to visit his friend, grown up Milo, who he still calls Milo.

[19:19] And he's become kind of a decadent waste role who's still attended to by Dr.

[19:22] Jared Harris, played by a doctor who.

[19:25] Yeah, that's true.

[19:26] It's Matt Smith.

[19:27] Yeah, Matt Smith.

[19:28] Yeah.

[19:29] And Milo tells Michael, hey, whatever you do, if you find a cure, I'm backing you 100%

[19:35] with my money.

[19:36] And Morbius is like, well, it might not be technically legal what I'm doing.

[19:39] And he goes, OK, I'll do it.

[19:41] You do whatever you need to.

[19:41] But not but don't fall in love.

[19:43] Hold on, which seems like unnecessary advice.

[19:47] Not only does he say it might not be technically legal.

[19:50] He's like, we need to do it in international waters.

[19:53] Yeah.

[19:54] Cut to a chyron of a ship that says international international waters.

[19:58] Now, look, I'm not.

[20:00] I'm not going to pretend to be an expert on maritime law, but...

[20:04] And the topic seems fairly complex, that's why there are people who go to law school for it.

[20:09] There are people who specialize just in that kind of law.

[20:11] But in my...

[20:12] In the law about how much time it takes to marry somebody.

[20:14] In my cursory...

[20:17] My cursory googling of international waters.

[20:20] One half of the audience loved that joke, and the other half did not like it.

[20:23] Which makes... We're in Brooklyn, it's a port city.

[20:26] Half of the people here work in the maritime industry.

[20:29] My...

[20:30] The stevedores were not happy with that.

[20:31] Yeah, they were over there.

[20:32] Frank Zabanka scowling at you.

[20:34] My brief research confirmed what I suspected to be true,

[20:39] which is that international waters is not the criminal's panacea that...

[20:44] You're saying...

[20:45] That popular culture would have us believe that...

[20:47] You're saying if they want to do this experiment, they would have to go on the money plane.

[20:50] Yeah.

[20:54] I'm saying that if you commit a crime in international waters,

[20:57] you are subject to the laws of the country you're from.

[21:02] So they're not trying to become a vampire out on a boat, I guess I'm saying.

[21:07] So they're on a boat with a bunch of boat merms?

[21:11] Boat merms in case any pirates come by and say,

[21:13] I'm the captain now.

[21:14] They've got these mercenaries.

[21:15] And Michael Morbius and Martine, she's on board with the experiment now.

[21:19] And they mix the thing and the computer says,

[21:21] Success.

[21:22] Because I guess the computer knows.

[21:23] And they banter, and then he hands her an origami bat.

[21:26] And she injects him with the serum.

[21:28] And he starts convulsing like Norman Osborn, inhaling goblin gas.

[21:31] And this crew member...

[21:32] Thank you.

[21:33] This merc comes by...

[21:34] Thank you for putting in the words on who's saying it.

[21:38] I'm like, what movie is this Stewart scene?

[21:41] What in the story of Ricky O could be in this?

[21:45] And so this crew member...

[21:46] Head of the family.

[21:47] Is there anything better?

[21:50] He almost gets to the point of ripping his own ding dong off.

[21:53] So this mercenary comes and just starts harassing Martine.

[21:57] Which it's like, these people hired you.

[21:59] What are you doing?

[22:00] And then they go into the Morbius room.

[22:02] He's not in his chair.

[22:04] He's hanging from the ceiling.

[22:05] And he's got fangs now.

[22:06] He turned into a vampire.

[22:07] And the crew member is like, I'll shoot it.

[22:09] That doesn't work.

[22:10] And Morbius attacks him and bites him.

[22:11] He's gone feral.

[22:12] And he's just throwing himself around the cell.

[22:13] And the crew comes in.

[22:14] And they shove Martine to the floor.

[22:15] And she hits her head.

[22:16] And Morbius is killing everybody in bullet time.

[22:18] And we get some cool Morb-eye view scenes.

[22:21] As he's stalking the crew through the ship.

[22:23] But this is like, the mercs are on the ship.

[22:26] Let's be honest.

[22:27] So there's someone that Dr. Michael Morbius, the living vampire, can murder.

[22:32] Yes.

[22:33] That we don't feel all that bad about.

[22:35] Yeah, they're already bad dudes.

[22:36] Yeah.

[22:37] Yeah, but it is so baffling to me.

[22:38] Because it's like, isn't this your buddy Matt Smith's boat?

[22:42] Why do you have these angry men with automatic weapons who are arguing with you at all times?

[22:47] I mean, it's a good question.

[22:49] And this is the first real action scene we see.

[22:51] So the action is, there's a lot of smoke trails coming off of Morbius.

[22:56] Yeah, he's, I read that.

[22:58] And he moves both very fast and also very slow sometimes.

[23:01] So he's constantly followed by these kind of either purple or black smoke trails.

[23:05] Depending on what he's wearing at the time.

[23:07] And I read, or at least the Amazon Prime trivia told me it was loosely, it was inspired by Pokemon movements.

[23:14] Because it makes sense, because in this movie they've got to catch them all, all being vampires.

[23:18] Yeah, I mean, later on we sort of are able to surmise that these weird CGI trails are kind of his echolocation,

[23:27] kind of like airflow around him.

[23:29] Yeah, something like that, yeah.

[23:31] And at times I honestly...

[23:33] He's not carbon neutral, let's just say that.

[23:35] Honestly, there were a couple of times where I thought, this looks cool.

[23:39] And a lot of the time it looked like CGI mush.

[23:42] Especially towards the end.

[23:44] Yeah, one of his powers, he can do echolocation like a bat,

[23:47] where he kind of zones out and his ears get little ripples.

[23:50] Yeah, ears get real wrinkly and ripply, yeah.

[23:52] And it's kind of like, it's basically detective mode from the Arkham games.

[23:56] Yeah, it's, we'll get to his full power set when he tells us about it in VO.

[24:01] Oh, I'm sorry, spoilers.

[24:02] Anyway, Morbius wakes up and now he's back to normal.

[24:05] Except he's Jax now.

[24:07] He's no longer the frail Michael Morbius who looked like Samuel L. Jackson in Glass.

[24:10] Now he's like Michael Morbius who worked out for a movie role.

[24:14] And he finally puts on a shirt and he walks to the wreckage of the boat and checks Martine.

[24:18] He can hear her heartbeat and watches the security video of him killing everybody.

[24:22] And he's so sick and he throws up, I assume the blood that he drank.

[24:25] And he calls for an emergency airlift but takes the vials of Batman serum.

[24:29] But they never say Batman in it.

[24:31] And that's, here's where we get the stars of the movie.

[24:33] FBI agents Al Madrigal and Tyrese Gibson.

[24:35] And I will say this.

[24:37] Al Madrigal, Al Madrigal, friend of the show.

[24:39] He's been on our podcast.

[24:40] I thought he came out probably the best of anyone in this movie.

[24:42] Yeah, he made a meal of this show, dude.

[24:44] He had a bunch of funny jokes.

[24:45] He did not embarrass himself.

[24:47] I want to see more of him in the movie.

[24:48] Tyrese, Tyrese is fine.

[24:51] Tyrese is fine as the guy that Al says jokes to and he goes, mm-hmm, and then walks away.

[24:57] Yeah, I think he's let down by being the tough cop whereas Al's the funny cop.

[25:01] Yeah, and they're investigating to find out all the security footage was wiped.

[25:04] And the bodies were drained of blood.

[25:06] Martina's the only survivor because Michael Morbius has disappeared.

[25:09] And Milo sees this story on the news.

[25:11] I do like that the police are immediately like, it's a vampire.

[25:14] Yeah, they do not.

[25:16] No question.

[25:17] They're immediately like, it's a vampire.

[25:18] Put out an APB for a guy with a widow's peak who doesn't drink wine.

[25:22] Let's get APB, all points played.

[25:24] If Jared Leto's walking around, you're like, it's that fucking T.

[25:28] Like, come on.

[25:30] He does so much to make it obvious that he's a monster.

[25:33] He's always wearing a hood, real scary-like, and skulking around.

[25:37] But I did enjoy that, that usually in horror movies, there's a part where someone goes,

[25:41] look, these bodies were all drained of blood.

[25:42] It's a vampire.

[25:43] And they're like, sure it is, pal.

[25:45] Throw them in the crazy hatch.

[25:47] And then, no, you've got to believe me.

[25:49] And a vampire's a killing person after person.

[25:51] They're like, ah, what's going on here?

[25:53] But here, yeah, they're like, it's a vampire.

[25:54] We've seen movies.

[25:55] We know vampires.

[25:56] A fucking boat shows up with a bunch of boat mercs drained of blood.

[25:59] That's a Dracula move, dude.

[26:01] That is Dracula.

[26:02] That's how he shows up.

[26:03] There was a vampire in Brooklyn just last month.

[26:07] Dan, I hate to tell you, it was actually almost 30 years ago.

[26:10] What?

[26:11] How old am I?

[26:12] You age quite a bit.

[26:13] Oh, God.

[26:14] My youth.

[26:15] It is pretty ballsy of them to have a boat full of dead bodies show up, since that literally

[26:19] does happen in Dracula.

[26:20] Like, I wish Al had just been holding the cliff notes of Dracula and put them down and

[26:23] was like, seems like a vampire, all right.

[26:27] It all fits.

[26:28] And Milo sees us on the news and is like, that's my boat.

[26:31] And so Morbius, he goes to his lab.

[26:33] The serum is wearing off, which leaves him weak.

[26:35] And he's drinking bags of artificial blood for strength.

[26:38] He has this overpowering urge to drink blood.

[26:40] And he tells us in voiceover, because I guess he started a journal, that when he drinks

[26:44] blood, he feels dizzy.

[26:45] Yeah, he, like, talks into his little vape pen.

[26:47] Yeah.

[26:48] He's physically strong, and he parkours around his office, and he's got, he can hang upside

[26:52] down like a bat, and the bats welcome him.

[26:54] He says, like a brother, which is ridiculous.

[26:57] And he's got echolocation out, like Stuart says.

[27:00] He just kind of ruffles ears and stuff.

[27:02] But the artificial blood is losing its effectiveness for him.

[27:05] Soon, he'll have to choose between drinking the blue, the artificial blood, or the red,

[27:09] the blood of real, live people who have blood in them.

[27:12] It's always about politics.

[27:16] And Milo goes to Michael's lab, and Michael's like, I need some blood.

[27:20] I'm real jonesing for it.

[27:21] And Milo's like, hey, here's some fake blood.

[27:23] Wow, you're strong.

[27:24] Have you been working out?

[27:25] And he goes, I want that cure, too.

[27:27] And Morbius goes, no, it's not a cure.

[27:28] It's a curse.

[27:29] Go, go.

[27:30] But later that night, a nurse is attacked by something vampire-y in the hospital, which

[27:34] also sometimes seems to have the power to make the lights flicker on and off.

[27:37] So is the vampire just standing there pressing the switch?

[27:40] It's like, you know, power-saving lights.

[27:44] It's supposed to, like, follow you as you go down the hall and turn off.

[27:48] That part makes sense.

[27:49] But then later on, like, all of the lights just sort of shut down, even though they're

[27:55] still, like, the vampire's still eating her.

[27:57] So I don't know.

[27:58] The answer is, the director thought it would look cool.

[28:01] I like how you started out kind of explaining it, being like, it's OK.

[28:04] And then you end up admitting that it didn't make any sense.

[28:06] No, no, none of it made sense.

[28:07] It sounds like you're explaining it to the victim before they get killed by a vampire.

[28:11] Like, don't worry about that.

[28:12] You'll be fine.

[28:13] Don't worry.

[28:14] You'll look really cool.

[28:15] The lights are not your real issue.

[28:16] Don't worry about them.

[28:17] Don't worry about them.

[28:18] There's a vampire stalking you.

[28:19] So the next day, Morbius is at work or something, and he hears people going, hey, they found

[28:24] this nurse's body drained of blood.

[28:25] And he's like, oh, oh, oh.

[28:28] And Alan Tyrese tried to arrest him, but he escapes by climbing up the inside of a big

[28:32] Guggenheim-style stairwell.

[28:34] And then he goes to the roof.

[28:35] And then I couldn't quite understand this.

[28:36] He almost gets blown off the roof.

[28:37] What was this supposed to, like, by what, wind?

[28:39] What was this telling us?

[28:40] Yeah, I mean, I think he, like, later on, he flies on wind like a vampire does, right?

[28:44] He can glide on air currents.

[28:46] What was this trying to be like?

[28:47] His bones are lighter now, so he can't stand up to the wind as well on this roof.

[28:51] Probably.

[28:52] It's just a very, it makes him look like a real wuss.

[28:55] And especially because Tyrese catches him.

[28:58] By what weakness?

[28:59] Wind.

[29:00] Yeah.

[29:01] So he runs away from the police.

[29:03] And then the next time we see him, he's in, like, a maximum security prison.

[29:06] And I'm like, that guy almost got a fucking Nobel Prize.

[29:09] And they don't have any actual evidence against him, right?

[29:12] Other than the fact that he did it because he's a creepy vampire.

[29:16] The evidence, I guess, okay, let's say we're the DA.

[29:20] We're making the case against Michael Morbius.

[29:22] Okay.

[29:23] So we know Michael Morbius is a creepy weirdo with a tube full of bats.

[29:27] Okay, yeah.

[29:28] And we know that a nurse that works with Michael Morbius has been drained of blood.

[29:32] Who are the suspects?

[29:34] There's a guy with a big tube of bats.

[29:36] So let's start with him.

[29:37] I don't know who our other suspects are because there's almost no other cast members.

[29:41] At a certain point, we have to start suspecting the FBI agents

[29:43] because they're the only ones left in the cast.

[29:45] I mean, I think that what's his face?

[29:48] Jared Harris.

[29:50] You know, as far as I recall, he's Moriarty.

[29:53] So he might be.

[29:54] Okay, fair.

[29:55] Okay, cool.

[29:56] And he's also, you know, a Russian nuclear physicist.

[29:59] So that's, yeah.

[30:00] hard and you're right other than the fact that Morbius is a possibly known

[30:04] vampire kind of wild that he is immediately yeah and America's most

[30:11] beloved citizen Dr. Michael Morbius under arrest tonight it's such a great

[30:15] story

[30:16] Nobel rejecting scientist arrested for vampire murder

[30:20] oh it's like this the headlines right itself that's the headline it's anyway

[30:24] didn't write itself I said it but you know what I mean so Morbius he so he is

[30:29] he's in jail and he's like the fake blood isn't working I don't know what to

[30:32] do and the FBI agents interrogate him and and Jared Leto's doing feral and

[30:36] he's like I'm hungry you don't want to see me when I'm hungry which is like I

[30:40] guess there's a little joke version of the Hulk's angry line but it's he

[30:44] should have said hangry he just said you and like me when I'm hangry and and then

[30:48] Tyrese would be like what's that and I'll be like it's the thing that kids

[30:51] say it's hungry and angry together you're so hungry that you're angry so

[30:54] this is like why would you just say angry explaining slang to Tyrese

[30:58] explaining slang to Tyrese okay considering all respect to Tyrese he is

[31:03] a man who saw a fake Martin Scorsese quote saying that Morbius had changed

[31:06] his mind about superhero movies being cinema retweeted it and then had to take

[31:09] it down but it was revealed to him that it was a fake that makes me feel sad it

[31:14] is a little sad it shows a fair amount of misunderstanding of Martin

[31:19] Scorsese's thinking but you know anyway Milo goes to visit Morbius and Morbius

[31:24] like maybe I did kill her and Morbius is like there's no way you did it there's

[31:27] no way you did it and then he leaves and throws his cane away and stops limping

[31:30] because he's obvious he obviously did it like he's a vampire now he leaves a

[31:33] blood bag and his cane and the the corrections officers like I could

[31:42] understand if the guard is gonna overlook a bag of fake blood

[31:50] a heavy-tipped cane has been left behind I don't know whatever oh this guy's got

[31:55] to do a Kaiser so they can walk away Milo is like I'm his lawyer I'll go in

[32:00] and it's and I guess they never checked to see if he's a lawyer or anything like

[32:03] that like this anyway the yeah he obviously even Morbius this point I was

[32:07] watching me I'm like how long is gonna take moron Morbius to realize Milo did

[32:11] it but Morbius realizes it instantly he drinks the blood Milo behind turns into

[32:15] a vampire and just smashes through the wall because vampires can smash through

[32:18] cement he tracks Milo down and finds him right after Milo eats a news vendor

[32:22] who is mildly rude to him and Milo is like yeah I killed that nurse anyway

[32:27] Morbius embrace being a vampire it's totes cool because this is what vampire

[32:32] movies about white people are about as I said my presentation for the show

[32:35] listeners the podcast you missed it white people vampire movies are about

[32:38] how it's kind of cool and sexy to be like a criminal vampire who drinks blood

[32:42] and it's kind of damned but kind of cool because you know you're kind of getting

[32:46] you're gonna get forgiven for it later when you get a job at your dad's company

[32:49] or whatever so it's fine you can be a vampire for a little bit and so your

[32:53] wild blood oats and then go away but uh they do a vampire fight which leads them

[32:57] into a subway station labeled Front Street very it's a very New York style

[33:02] London subway station with its curved tunnel and British style escalators it

[33:07] is really a it's an amazing there's a crumpet selling station the fact that

[33:13] the fact that as they're fighting they pass Paddington only proves that it's a

[33:16] New York State who would you like some marmalade on your ticket as is

[33:21] traditional here in New York City if Paddington had been there it would have

[33:25] raised the fucking stakes so high because I would have been like don't

[33:27] touch that beautiful yeah I mean almost every action movie the stakes are higher

[33:33] Paddington's there look the convicts have taken over the plane and Paddington's

[33:39] on that plane the planes full of snails in this world Paddington why is someone selling

[33:47] Paddington plane tickets the president's plane is being taken over by terrorists

[33:52] and Paddington is on that plane and then we're in the movie theater now it's like

[33:56] Stuart where are you going and I'm like I gotta get on that fucking plane gotta

[34:01] save that beautiful bear just like Mark Wahlberg if I was there a lot of bad

[34:10] behavior we're referring to tonight okay so a lot of bad boys in the literal

[34:15] sense of doing bad things when they were boys so okay so they're fighting they're

[34:19] in this very fake New York station which they didn't even give the name of a real

[34:22] subway station Front Street is a real street it used to be the the eastern

[34:26] part of the island until their landfill filled in and created more of a downtown

[34:31] but they don't have a station there anyway sure and Milo fights some cops for a minute

[34:35] and then he monologues for a little bit and Morbius is like I'm gonna cure you they're

[34:38] about to find a platform when Morbius realizes something wind the kind of wind that comes when

[34:43] a train is coming into the tunnel and he stands there for seemingly 17 hours putting his hand

[34:49] into the wind to kind of gauge the aerodynamics and then he just suddenly who glides away on the

[34:54] wind in front of the subway train it looks so silly I'm gonna leaf like it's I'm gonna snopes

[35:02] this and tell the audience that human beings are not shaped properly to take advantage of

[35:08] Bernoulli's principle okay we will not cause a lift and we cannot glide on the wind like a leaf

[35:15] that's just in case you want to try don't try at home when you're on will fall to the ground when

[35:20] you're on the subway platform tonight and you feel that wind coming that beautiful back step

[35:25] it please stand away from the platform edge do that right off the bat a helpful voice will tell

[35:30] you the same thing in kind of a passive-aggressive way and then but do not really fight the urge to

[35:36] jump in front of that train and fly home because it is not gonna work out well for you you will

[35:41] go home but only in the way that that sailors drowning only the way that sailors were drowning

[35:47] say it feels like going hard like a spirit spiritual will speak of talking yes you'll go

[35:52] home to the Creator yeah you won't go to your apartment and your cat will be like where is this

[35:58] guy I should have the decency to die in his home so I can eat him damn you beat me to it if I have

[36:06] a second no I'm proud of you anyway so so uh Morbius finds Martine and he feels right he's like

[36:13] and while they're at a cafe or a diner or something he overhears some thugs talking about

[36:18] crime and then he follows them to an underground science crime lab and and throws them all out and

[36:24] makes it his own crime lab there this this scene raises so many questions about how the world

[36:29] counterfeiting lab but I'm gonna use it for like biological science yeah the thugs are trying to

[36:35] pass a counterfeit hundred and the woman wearing the registers like this fake I can't take it he's

[36:39] like well how about you take one for yourself and I'm like that one's fake too you take this

[36:46] one it's totally real don't use the pen on it done sir it has a picture it has a picture of

[36:52] William Frank's on it this is not this is not a real anyway so is that top cat this is oh but

[36:58] when somebody takes over my buddy John Lithgow thinks you should take it nothing but respect

[37:06] I don't understand you know when they take over this when they take over the the printing press

[37:13] lab he does the bit from the trailer where the the thug whose hand is being shattered is like

[37:18] who are you and he says I'm Venom and in the trailer he's like I'm actually Michael Morbius

[37:24] but that isn't in the movie no so he just tells the guy he's Venom and that's it and it doesn't

[37:28] make sense I know it gets to be so that guy thinks Venom came in and bothered he's like Venom flew

[37:32] all the way across the country there's and there's the other earlier owls like this is weird

[37:36] like that thing in San Francisco and it was like oh I get it Venom wink wink and they just says I'm

[37:40] Venom it's like all right well then why why were they beating around the bush earlier I don't but

[37:43] yes so now he's he's stolen a crime lab he I mean killed a bunch of people on a boat he's stolen a

[37:49] crime lab he's unfairly cast aspersions at Venom very difficult um and meanwhile Venom's having

[37:56] troubles of his own on the other side of the country dealing with Woody Harrelson's wig

[37:59] so anyway um and uh Milo threatens Martine at the lab so Martine goes to Michael Morbius's crime lab

[38:07] uh which I guess he sent her a address change uh note so she would know to go there and she cuts

[38:12] herself and he smells it and he's tempted by her blood and so they go up to the roof and kiss

[38:17] because she's turned on by his blood lust it's like he says it awakens a primal hunger in him

[38:21] and she goes me too she doesn't really say me too but you know they get Burger King together

[38:25] and then they get yeah I'm hungry for Burger King why don't we have it our way

[38:32] and they go they go do you want do you want soda with that he goes I don't drink soda

[38:37] unless I can use the cup to mix all the different sodas in the dispenser together

[38:41] not not even diet soda no studies have shown that it also contributes to obesity

[38:47] it's still not as good for you as water okay but if you press the water thing it's in the

[38:52] Minute Maid so you're still gonna get a little bit of juice in there oh all right I'll take a

[38:57] two liter soda he turned into Max von Sydow by the end love it it's just him in him and uh

[39:05] in uh that movie where he moves to the United States and settles a farm what's it called and

[39:09] uh but he's a strange farm no that's not neither of those never mind okay so the FBI agents they

[39:15] see the surveillance video of the killing they say it's Milo not Morbius great Morbius didn't

[39:19] clear his name modern technology it's one of those things where they pull up the CCTV footage

[39:23] and they're like computer enhanced it's this perfect image of Matt Smith who we had previously

[39:28] seen dancing did we talk about him dancing no we have so uh we haven't yet got to the uh

[39:34] oh did we skip the dance he's fucking feeling himself oh baby oh you know what because he's

[39:40] like you know let's talk about this the thing is his clothes still fit even though he's way more

[39:46] here's the thing here's the thing so one he's very rich he could have had them tailored that

[39:49] dano that's true he's exercising he's dancing and then he every now and then he just throws in front

[39:53] of the mirror like a vampire face like into the mirror like he's like a kid getting ready for the

[39:58] prom he's constantly

[40:00] fucking face morphing it's crazy it's I will say okay let's take a moment to

[40:04] talk about the face so is that science or is that science or magic because it

[40:08] happened I mean the science of special effects that make his face more like

[40:12] that but you mean in the movie yeah I mean in the movie there's no supposed

[40:15] to be magic or something there's no magic mentioned in the movie so you got

[40:18] supposed to be more for that fast how bad vampire bat DNA vampire bats morph

[40:24] their faces all the time yeah that's why that's why vampire bats they go

[40:29] yeah yeah no they don't morph their teeth vampire bats have the same teeth

[40:33] all the time they have kind of little saws that they use to cut open our necks

[40:39] and they lap up the blood they don't even suck the blood they just lap it up

[40:42] like a cat again cats anyway so yeah so but we should it's Milo is really feeling

[40:48] so let's take a look let's talk about the CGI effects because I actually

[40:50] thought they did it I thought they did a really good job with the CGI face

[40:53] effects this I'll give the effects people credit by the end of the movie

[40:57] all as with all the effects kind of fall apart a little bit but but early

[41:01] on I was like they're doing a good job of giving him a little Morbius no-no's

[41:04] because Morbius no-no's this week's LFI no-no look you CGI to take someone's

[41:13] nose off their face don't do it the Roman Plansky way and just cut it with

[41:16] a knife because that's not okay he doesn't Chinatown yeah it's hot on this

[41:21] stage let's uh all right I assume it's also on the audience all right so the

[41:25] FBI is like hey it's Milo it's not Morbius which is they shouldn't show up

[41:29] on cameras if they're really vampires but I guess they didn't see it's all

[41:32] they're living vampires Ellie the good point it's it's also one of those movies

[41:36] where the cops are like how are you gonna see who did this and Tyrese looks

[41:38] up and sees a security camera goes closed-circuit TV it's like yeah that's

[41:42] the first thing you should check dude but up Jared Harris sees the news and

[41:46] they talk about Morbius and they and the news they say dubbed the vampire killer

[41:50] and I was like say dubbed the living vampire it's his name but anyway Jared

[41:57] Harris goes to Milo and says hey I can help you and Milo's like I want help I'm

[42:01] the vampire and he slashes Jared Harris's belly a bunch he hits him with

[42:05] his like sonic boom punch yeah this special move where he punches you and

[42:09] then like sound radiate yeah cuz it cuz sound cuz bats and so uh and Martine and

[42:15] Morbius they create an antibody that kills bats and humans we would just call

[42:18] that poison but but I guess you need special science for it and then he

[42:23] makes two shots one for Milo and one for himself because by tomorrow he's gonna

[42:26] need human blood and Jared Harris is like Morbius come find me and Morbius

[42:30] goes and Jared Harris is dying there and then Morbius using a super hearing he

[42:34] picks up Milo threatening Martine and he casts an echolocation wave over the

[42:39] entire island of Manhattan and manages to narrow target in on Martine's

[42:44] heartbeat on top of a building that's nuts and so and he's all morphed up now

[42:49] and he leaps up and he glides across the at the updrafts of the city trail in

[42:53] purple magic smoke like just said that just a time is yeah but it's and she

[42:59] goes there and she's like drink my blood make my death mean something and he's

[43:02] like no no and he kisses her and she bites his lip but then he gets her blood

[43:06] and he drinks there's like a bit of splash back there's a CGI blood that

[43:11] when you're watching this did you start singing to yourself feed on me when

[43:19] you're not strong I didn't you drink my blood no it's very good it helps you

[43:25] carry on no I didn't start singing this turd is a vampire set to suck yeah and

[43:38] he roars and he's gonna go out and Milo's applauding he's right there and

[43:41] they fight they plummet off a building through a construction site this

[43:44] building they're plummeting through is roughly 4,000 feet tall and then they

[43:47] smash through the ground and fall another 4,000 feet yeah like a weird

[43:51] cave underneath it's like a sewer Canyon now I gotta tell you I like when we

[43:56] watch this this afternoon the we couldn't figure out how to dim the

[43:59] lights in the room we were in so this was all just like hit the lights

[44:06] left out when we were saying yeah I did anyway so I so maybe this is a great

[44:12] climax Dan Stewart they watched it without me this this afternoon because I

[44:15] had family stuff to do I watched them on my own again on an iPad while doing the

[44:19] dishes so maybe this is it maybe the movie scene all equally incoherent there's

[44:25] a lot of fighting and they're blah blah there's smoke everywhere and they'll

[44:28] till finally Michael screams so loud that it lets out an energy wave that

[44:33] attracts a huge horde of bats who surround him and his brothers yeah his

[44:38] brothers and I guess they get and they give him strength and this would make so

[44:42] much more sense if it was magic like but it's not it's science so it's kind of

[44:45] the way that like I guess when you're psyching up for like a varsity football

[44:48] game like your your team brothers all circle around you're like do it do it

[44:52] yeah you can do it you know it does I assume they do that I didn't play

[44:55] football but anyway and again it would be mad if he was magically connected to

[45:00] bats it makes sense it doesn't it's all science and Michael attacks Milo with

[45:04] his last furious bat strength and he stabs him with the killer serum and

[45:07] Morbius sadly devamps as his friend dies and the cops and FBI show up at this big

[45:12] hole in the street they made and it looks so much like they showed up in the

[45:15] Bob's Burgers movie and and I wish it was just a little crossroads not in a

[45:20] huge tornado of bats emerges who knew there were so many vampire bats in the

[45:24] sewer canyons of New York I guess there are and Martine opens up her eyes she's

[45:29] now a vampire and Morbius flies up into the sky and then straight into the

[45:33] camera credits movie over just begins what my number two because okay the

[45:41] credits start and this is among the some of the decisions made in Morbius are

[45:44] baffling some are not baffling this is the most baffling to me is that the

[45:48] first mid-credits scene there's two scenes during the credits yes and it is

[45:51] it feels like nothing more than that the second episode of the Morbius TV show a

[45:56] couple scenes were tacked on to this to bring it to feature-length because this

[46:00] Batman movie already has one Joker now it needs a second Batman baby yeah

[46:07] because we see where as the vulture Michael Keaton from spider-man coming

[46:12] home again is he teleports he teleports into a prison cell and he goes oh the

[46:16] foods better here or something he instantly understand hilarious well

[46:19] whatever it's a fucking laugh line it's like it's amazing you cloud loses their

[46:23] mind and the news is and the news is going a hearing has been set for the man

[46:27] who calls himself Adrian tombs who somehow mysteriously appeared in a

[46:30] prison cell but of course not belonging to this universe there are no crimes on

[46:34] his docket so why would we keep him in the prison we don't know and they and

[46:38] they let him go and you're like what does that have to do with Michael Morbius

[46:41] that's really weird this is a guy from another dimension I don't understand I

[46:44] mean I love to see Michael Keaton always it's a you know and he's playing his

[46:47] character a bird man best picture winning movie and so he's played a fat

[46:52] man he's played a man who played a bird man they finally played a bird man and

[46:56] so then we get credit scene number two where Morbius dry he's driving fast on a

[47:00] rural highway all charges dropped he's a legal vampire now it's like the end of

[47:05] Short Circuit 2 he's the first vampire citizen I guess and he stops and he

[47:09] checks his watch someone's late to the meeting and he morbs up as the vulture

[47:13] Michael Keaton in full armor with a mask on so it's probably not Michael

[47:17] Keaton now it is his voice I want to pause here to say something very nerdy

[47:20] he swoops in using his normal vulture suit which I'm like well how do you get

[47:25] he built it Danny built another one that's like from fucking Chitauri like

[47:28] tech tech that he got because he was yeah it's your car when the Avengers you

[47:36] know you know what I'm talking about this is space technology so in this one

[47:40] I don't know look Dan you just watched the Morbius movie yeah good point fair

[47:49] point you're right you you prick you inoculated yourself against criticism

[47:52] yeah I'm just saying this opens up a lot of what it does open up a lot of

[47:57] questions and and more and vulture shows up and and it was really funny is they

[48:01] were clearly not in the same place when this is shot he's like either that or

[48:06] Geroletto has taken not reacting with the same level that his his co-performer

[48:10] has to it to an amazing new degree and he's like because a guy has just taken

[48:16] with huge turbine wings has just land in front of him and Morbius was like hey

[48:20] so and and the and vulture says hey I think we should team up Morbius goes

[48:25] intriguing cut to credits why would this be intriguing he's not a superhero he's

[48:32] not a supervillain he's a doctor who's also a vampire why would it be

[48:37] intriguing for it to team up for what he's not he's neither a potential

[48:41] successor six movies a thing that Sony wants to do for some reason are they

[48:45] going to co-author a paper on something what yeah I guess we'll find out the

[48:51] answers whenever the Craven movie comes out but it was it was such there was

[48:55] almost part of me that was like movie you made yourself worthwhile by having

[48:59] the most baffling scene I've ever seen where it was like it was like yeah these

[49:02] characters show up in each other's movies and then they like can't that

[49:05] they're gonna be in a movie together without ever wondering why these

[49:08] characters would show up in each other's movies are being a movie together Sony

[49:10] post-credits scenes are nerdy it feels like so we've gone short on this one so

[49:15] far we're gonna do our final judgments whether there's a good bad movie a bad

[49:20] bad movie or a movie we kind of like and I'll tell you something there's no

[49:24] there's no video to cover this in the way that we do when we do streaming

[49:29] shows but I'm gonna run and pee as you give your final judgments Wow sorry Wow

[49:34] I don't want to own will smell of you but Wow I really need you Wow I can hear

[49:40] I'll hear you sorry yeah over your thunderous urine I'm gonna say I'm gonna

[49:45] I'm gonna quickly say the first time I saw this in theater I was like oh

[49:50] there's part of me that likes the first half of this movie that feels like an

[49:54] old 90s like superhero movie where like people didn't think superhero movies

[49:58] were gonna be successful

[50:00] They try to hide that it's a superhero movie.

[50:02] Yeah, they're like focusing on third-tier characters.

[50:06] But this is a Batman movie. Anyway, gotta go.

[50:09] So, Stu, well...

[50:14] Dan runs off, can't defend his argument there.

[50:18] First he calls himself a nerd.

[50:21] Can't argue with me, I'm a nerd, I'm not supposed to say stuff.

[50:23] Then he's like, can't argue with me, I'm not here in person, I'm peeing.

[50:27] Yeah, I don't know, it's tough.

[50:29] It's hard to say, this is a bad, bad movie.

[50:32] It's fairly boring, it has some good moments, but it's bad, bad, come on.

[50:35] Yeah, it's a bad movie, although I did not like it

[50:38] until Dan earlier said the same thing to me about it feeling like a 90s movie

[50:42] where they didn't really know how to do superheroes,

[50:44] where suddenly, it's the thing where a movie that is bad,

[50:47] you see it when it's in theaters and you're like, that was dumb.

[50:49] And then 30 years later, you're like, I'm kind of affectionate for that dumb stuff.

[50:53] And then you see something that's like it and you're like, this is dumb.

[50:56] It reminds me of this other dumb thing that I didn't like at the time,

[50:59] but now I'm inexplicably nostalgic for.

[51:02] Yeah, there's a couple of weird detective mode bullshit I like, but come on.

[51:07] It doesn't take any actual risks, it's fairly boring.

[51:10] It's a movie that doesn't, at no point during this, they were like,

[51:14] what should a Morbius movie be about?

[51:17] And it's such a, I'll give them credit, it's hard to make a good movie about Morbius.

[51:21] Let's just get it out there.

[51:22] It's not a character with a lot of what I would call potential.

[51:25] Well, someone yelled out Molten Man, of course, my least favorite Spider-Man character.

[51:30] And it's saddled with a star with, let's say, not the most star power.

[51:34] Yeah, and also, it's a movie that, I don't know, we've enumerated a number of flaws,

[51:40] but let's just say that the weird thing about this movie is that the studio that made it

[51:45] didn't get the joke of everyone on the Internet pretending they wanted to see it

[51:50] because it was so obviously not a thing you would go out to see

[51:54] and they were just not understanding.

[51:55] And there was something kind of purely beautiful about that.

[51:57] In a world where, people say sometimes we live in a post-ironic world,

[52:01] and this was the first time where I really felt it, where it was like,

[52:04] oh, they don't get that people are ragging on this movie.

[52:08] Like, they really think, like P.T. Barnum said or whatever,

[52:11] that all publicity is good publicity, and they're going to release this

[52:14] and people are going to go crazy for it.

[52:16] And they didn't because it's a character with, and they were like,

[52:21] I mean, nobody knew who the Guardians of the Galaxy were, and that made a boff O.P.O.,

[52:25] but, you know, there's something beautifully naive about that.

[52:30] Oh, Dan's back, everybody.

[52:33] Dan's back.

[52:34] Didn't learn his lesson and is drinking something.

[52:41] Hey, it's John Moe, host of Depression Mode,

[52:44] a podcast about people's mental health journeys.

[52:47] Guess who we got?

[52:48] Guess who?

[52:49] It's Jamie Lee Curtis.

[52:51] I look at life now as the game of guess who,

[52:54] which is simply the process of elimination.

[52:56] I know what I don't like.

[52:58] That's how I found out who I am.

[53:00] Jamie Lee Curtis on addiction, show business, and fooling people,

[53:03] all on Depression Mode from Maximum Fun, wherever you get your podcasts.

[53:11] Well, Manolo, we have a show to promote.

[53:14] It's called Dr. Game Show.

[53:16] It's a family-friendly podcast where listeners submit games

[53:19] and we play them with callers from around the world.

[53:22] Oh, sounds good.

[53:23] New episodes happen every other Wednesday on MaximumFun.org.

[53:28] It's a fast and loose oasis of absurd innocence and naivete.

[53:34] Are you writing a poem?

[53:36] No, just saying things from my memory,

[53:40] and it's a nice break from reality.

[53:43] Are we allowed to say that?

[53:45] I don't know.

[53:46] It sounds bad.

[53:47] It comes with a 100% happiness guarantee.

[53:49] It does not.

[53:51] Come for the games and stay for the chaos.

[53:55] Hello.

[53:57] This is a live show, and that means that, as always,

[54:00] it's me, Dan McCoy, with your patented solo ad read.

[54:05] Sorry if I sound a little bit tinny.

[54:09] I forgot to get the digital recorder we normally use

[54:14] back from our tech man, Matt, after this live show.

[54:17] I have been doing this for 15 years now,

[54:21] and I still make dumb mistakes.

[54:25] But I'm recording it on my laptop to bring you all the great news

[54:30] about the people who make this show possible,

[54:35] like, for instance, Squarespace,

[54:39] the all-in-one platform for building your brand

[54:42] and growing your business online.

[54:44] Stand out with a beautiful website, engage with your audience,

[54:47] and sell anything, products, content you create, and even your time.

[54:53] Squarespace has many great services.

[54:56] Beyond just being able to build your website there,

[54:59] you can use Insights to grow your business,

[55:01] learn where your site visits and sales are coming from,

[55:05] analyzing which channels are most effective.

[55:07] You can sell your products on an online store,

[55:10] whether it's physical or digital products that you sell.

[55:13] Squarespace has the tools for you to start selling online,

[55:17] and all websites are optimized for mobile.

[55:20] People look at it on phones.

[55:22] People look at websites on tablets.

[55:25] They're throwing them up on screens of all shapes and sizes,

[55:29] and content automatically adjusts so your site looks great on any device.

[55:33] At this point, if I was doing this with Elliot, he'd be like,

[55:36] Dan, I've got an idea for a website.

[55:39] Can Squarespace help me?

[55:40] And I'd say, yeah, sure, Elliot.

[55:42] And he'd say, yeah, it's called Is It Morbid Time?

[55:46] And it would just have a clock that would indicate whether or not

[55:48] it's morbid time or not.

[55:50] But because Elliot isn't here, we're not going to do that.

[55:54] Head to squarespace.com slash plop for a free trial,

[55:57] and when you're ready to launch, use offer code flop to save 10% off

[56:01] your first purchase of a website or domain.

[56:05] And that puts me in mind of microdosing,

[56:07] because the next commercial has microdosing as the intro.

[56:12] You've probably heard about it.

[56:14] If not, just know that all sorts of people are microdosing daily

[56:18] to feel healthier and perform better.

[56:20] Our show today is sponsored by Microdose Gummies.

[56:23] Microdose Gummies deliver perfect entry-level doses of THC to help you

[56:27] to feel just the right amount of good.

[56:30] They're not going to make you feel weird or crazy.

[56:34] You're going to just have a little extra.

[56:37] You're going to feel a little more relaxed.

[56:39] It's good for sleeping.

[56:41] That's how Stu uses it.

[56:44] Sometimes if I want to watch something weird on the TV, I enjoy it.

[56:48] Anyway, Microdose is available nationwide.

[56:52] To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use code flop

[56:57] to get free shipping and 30% off your first order.

[57:01] Links can be found in the show description, but again,

[57:03] that is microdose.com, code flop.

[57:08] And before we get back to the show, we do have a personal jumbotron.

[57:13] This message is for Two from Emmy.

[57:18] And Two says, or wait, Two, that's who it's for.

[57:21] Emmy says, you are one of the most incredible humans I have ever met.

[57:27] Seeing you never fails to bring a smile to my face.

[57:31] I hope this message makes you as happy as you've made me.

[57:35] Happy birthday, babe.

[57:36] I love you so much.

[57:39] That is very, very, very sweet and a great note to return back to the bell house

[57:47] for the rest of our live show on Morbius.

[57:52] Did you say something funny while I was gone?

[57:54] So much.

[57:55] Okay.

[57:56] So much funny stuff.

[57:57] I'll hear it on the podcast later.

[57:58] You'll hear it when you listen to it.

[57:59] Now, normally on the podcast is where we recommend a movie that you should watch

[58:03] instead of Morbius, and obviously when you go home tonight,

[58:05] you should fire up fucking Prey because it rules.

[58:09] Have you watched that shit?

[58:11] It's amazing, dude.

[58:12] No, I'm excited.

[58:13] I love 10 Cloverfield Lane, so I'm excited about this.

[58:15] It fucking rules.

[58:16] Like, I haven't seen an action movie in a while that got me that, like, fired up.

[58:19] It's awesome.

[58:20] Go see it.

[58:21] If you like predators fighting bears and shit.

[58:24] So normally we would recommend stuff and read letters from listeners.

[58:28] But today.

[58:30] We're in person.

[58:31] Hey, we don't have to read letters from listeners.

[58:33] We can take questions from people, which are like, how do we do that?

[58:37] Letters that we have removed the middle part.

[58:39] It's the original letters.

[58:40] Questions in person.

[58:41] Yeah.

[58:42] There is no letters talking.

[58:44] There's a microphone right there.

[58:47] Right there in front.

[58:48] There's a microphone.

[58:49] Everybody.

[58:50] I don't know how much time we have.

[58:51] I don't care how much time we have.

[58:52] We're going to waste your time still.

[58:54] We should try and keep it to 15 or 20 minutes.

[58:56] But you heard in 35 minutes.

[58:58] All right, everybody.

[58:59] Not that long.

[59:00] So here.

[59:01] So before we have.

[59:02] Please line up.

[59:03] You're doing a great job, everybody.

[59:04] Before we.

[59:05] Please.

[59:06] Hey, everybody.

[59:07] Stop fighting.

[59:08] No, no, no.

[59:09] Put down that broken.

[59:10] No.

[59:11] Oh, God.

[59:12] There's a.

[59:13] So the.

[59:14] I'm going to say two things.

[59:15] One, very relevant.

[59:16] One, not relevant to this.

[59:17] Actually, the not relevant thing.

[59:18] I want to bring it.

[59:19] Okay.

[59:20] Anyway.

[59:21] So the relevant thing.

[59:22] Hey, everybody.

[59:23] We've all been at Q and A's where someone's up there and they're like, talking, talking,

[59:25] talking.

[59:26] But they're not really asking a question.

[59:27] They're just trying to grab that moment where they can be a part of the show.

[59:28] Just like in, you know, those things where you go to the mall and you take your picture

[59:29] and then they put it in an adventure.

[59:30] Like they put your face on the hero and you'd be part of the show.

[59:31] Anyway, we really appreciate that you're all here.

[59:32] It really means a lot to us.

[59:33] We know you're you're real excited about us, which is wonderful.

[59:34] Thank you.

[59:35] We can feel it all the way from the stage.

[59:36] But think to yourself this.

[59:37] If I was sitting in the audience and I was listening to someone say this and it wasn't

[59:38] me saying it.

[59:39] Would I be interested in it?

[59:40] And if the answer is no.

[1:00:00] But that's to say not in an insulting or a critical way because we're really excited that you're here, we're really excited to be here.

[1:00:06] So, question away. It's Morbin time, question-wise.

[1:00:10] Can I pick this up?

[1:00:12] Yeah.

[1:00:13] I guess so, yeah.

[1:00:14] Pick up it's beer, probably.

[1:00:15] Only belly button questions, please. It's a very low microphone.

[1:00:18] The closer it can come to...

[1:00:20] Oh, perfect!

[1:00:21] Yeah, there you go.

[1:00:23] Yes, thank you.

[1:00:24] And you should all be so amazed at my self-control that I'm not singing a song right now because I want to hear your questions.

[1:00:29] Later, I'll sing a song later.

[1:00:32] No, it's question time.

[1:00:34] Are you aware of the Morbius meal at the Look Cinema?

[1:00:38] Okay, you're going to have to define some terms in this question.

[1:00:41] One, all cinemas are Look cinemas. It's a visual media.

[1:00:45] It's a Look with an A in the middle. It is a brand of cinema chain and they have meals for their character movies.

[1:00:52] Okay.

[1:00:53] So the Tartine meal is weird.

[1:00:57] Yes, and they had a Vampire Sunrise, which is a sunrise drink that I did not know was alcoholic.

[1:01:03] Vampire Bites, which are pretzel bites that they've named Vampire Bites.

[1:01:08] Okay, so they don't really bite you. That's good.

[1:01:09] No, absolutely not.

[1:01:11] And Cheesy Garlic Bread.

[1:01:14] Wait, wait.

[1:01:15] But garlic will kill a vampire.

[1:01:19] I, you know, I guess you could be themed from one end or the other.

[1:01:23] I guess you're right.

[1:01:25] If the Monster Squad is taught it's nothing, it's that a handy slice of garlic bread can be just the thing.

[1:01:34] Yeah, for Jojo Rabbit, we've got our Ohio hot dogs.

[1:01:37] I don't know, Look Cinema. It seems like you don't understand the point of the movie.

[1:01:41] Vampires don't like garlic is what I'm saying.

[1:01:43] Yeah, all right, I get it.

[1:01:45] It's bad for them.

[1:01:46] So have you had this meal?

[1:01:47] Yes.

[1:01:48] Okay, and how was it?

[1:01:49] I went for my 19th birthday for our 7th showing of Morbius.

[1:01:52] We've seen it.

[1:01:55] And you made fun of me.

[1:01:56] You think because you're young you have all the time in the world.

[1:01:59] You don't. There's so many better movies you could be watching.

[1:02:01] I know.

[1:02:02] Watch them now.

[1:02:03] No, no, this is part of the Morbius gentleman's that is the TikTok craze, right?

[1:02:10] Where everyone dresses up in a suit and goes to see Morbius.

[1:02:13] You dress in a top hat and tails and go see Morbius.

[1:02:17] That was 7 out of 9 and a half.

[1:02:19] Oh, God.

[1:02:20] Why the half?

[1:02:21] Because I fell asleep.

[1:02:23] Okay.

[1:02:24] Fair.

[1:02:25] During Morbius?

[1:02:30] Audrey also fell asleep during Morbius earlier today.

[1:02:33] Dan, being a good husband, took a picture of her and texted it to me with a caption

[1:02:37] that said, more like Snorbius.

[1:02:42] It's a true story.

[1:02:45] I have a short follow-up question, which is, would you eat the Morbius meal?

[1:02:48] I mean, it's just garlic bread and hot pepper and pretzel bites.

[1:02:52] I'll eat almost anything.

[1:02:53] I'll be honest.

[1:02:55] Okay, good question.

[1:02:56] Good question.

[1:02:57] Thank you.

[1:02:58] We all learned something today.

[1:03:00] You know what?

[1:03:01] The Morbius you know.

[1:03:07] Yes.

[1:03:08] Hi there, friends.

[1:03:09] Hello.

[1:03:10] So I've got a pretty simple question, but I want you all to answer this individually

[1:03:13] in your heads before any of you answer it out loud.

[1:03:15] Wow, a lot of fucking rules.

[1:03:18] I don't want you to bias each other.

[1:03:20] I didn't know Jigsaw was going to be coming up to make us play a game.

[1:03:23] Would you like to play a game?

[1:03:24] Yeah, for sure.

[1:03:25] Look, if you touched E.T., the extraterrestrial, would he feel wet or dry?

[1:03:36] That's a very good question.

[1:03:38] You know what, sir?

[1:03:39] You were right to make us, you were right to set the terms ahead of time.

[1:03:43] Okay, do I have to write this down and then we'll reveal it at the same time?

[1:03:46] I feel qualified.

[1:03:47] I might need to sleep on it.

[1:03:49] I'm going to say I don't see any shimmer on him.

[1:03:52] I feel like he would be dry.

[1:03:54] I feel like, in the words of the Simpsons talking about Hans Molman, it would be like kissing a peanut.

[1:04:01] Certainly when he's dying, he looks very dry and dusty.

[1:04:05] He looks drier there, for sure.

[1:04:06] Yeah, but I would also think he would be fairly dry.

[1:04:09] I mean, you should stay away from E.T.'s underside anyway, but that might be a little wetter.

[1:04:14] I mean...

[1:04:15] I mean, I can already tell you're giving it more thought.

[1:04:21] You've got to, like, clean out his wrinkles.

[1:04:26] That's got to be wet, right?

[1:04:27] Do you?

[1:04:28] You've got to clean them out or he gets sick.

[1:04:30] Me?

[1:04:31] You, Dan.

[1:04:32] When we, look, for your 10th birthday...

[1:04:33] His body's not...

[1:04:34] All right, I guess I signed up for it.

[1:04:36] You said he'd take care of your E.T.

[1:04:37] That means cleaning out his wrinkles.

[1:04:39] There's all sorts of chip crumbs in there.

[1:04:42] When I asked you to adopt that E.T., you said that I'd be the one to clean up after him.

[1:04:46] Yep, you've got to take him home, all that stuff.

[1:04:49] I'm going to say both depending.

[1:04:52] All right, I think that's fair.

[1:04:53] Okay, interesting.

[1:04:54] Good question, thank you.

[1:04:55] Very good question.

[1:04:58] I don't know if I can handle any more brain puzzlers like that.

[1:05:01] Follow that one up.

[1:05:02] Oh, shit.

[1:05:04] Hi, Andrew, last name withheld.

[1:05:06] I wanted to take the opportunity to ask the preeminent Topeka-focused bad movie podcast...

[1:05:11] All right.

[1:05:12] As a native Kansan myself, I'm wondering, what is your favorite or least favorite part of Topeka?

[1:05:19] I mean, I can say right now, my favorite part of Topeka is the name.

[1:05:23] It is a great...

[1:05:25] I love saying Topeka.

[1:05:27] Yeah, it's so similar that I've heard about a bodega there that's worth talking about.

[1:05:32] But yeah, I've never been to Topeka.

[1:05:34] I've only been able to vicariously enjoy or despise it through the words of our listeners.

[1:05:39] And I can't wait to...

[1:05:40] We've got to do a show in Topeka.

[1:05:41] Yeah, my least favorite part, I guess, is being unsure about whether we're being unfair.

[1:05:46] I feel like we've got to go there for like a week and then do a show that's all about Topeka.

[1:05:51] I think I got this one.

[1:05:52] I think my favorite part is the mall?

[1:05:59] And my least favorite part is school?

[1:06:04] Oh, look at Stuart cutting the Gordian knot like that.

[1:06:08] Amazing.

[1:06:09] Yeah, he is the coolest of us.

[1:06:10] Let's go.

[1:06:11] Hey, how's it going?

[1:06:12] Josh, last name withheld.

[1:06:13] Hello.

[1:06:14] Thanks for coming.

[1:06:15] So first, I just wanted to pile on the subway scene.

[1:06:20] The train doesn't stop at the station.

[1:06:23] It could be an express train.

[1:06:24] It could be an express train.

[1:06:25] But you're right.

[1:06:26] It's crazy.

[1:06:27] That's a good point.

[1:06:28] It doesn't seem to be a functioning mass transit system.

[1:06:30] It seems to be...

[1:06:31] It doesn't seem to be a functioning mass transit system.

[1:06:33] It seems to be...

[1:06:34] The MTA is operating only as a Morbius pushing system.

[1:06:39] It's a fair point.

[1:06:40] Fair criticism.

[1:06:41] And then secondly, I totally forgot the question I was going to ask by the time I got up here.

[1:06:46] So I'm just going to say you guys all have great shoes on.

[1:06:49] Oh, thank you.

[1:06:51] Thank you very much.

[1:06:57] Hello.

[1:06:58] Hello.

[1:06:59] Zach, last name withheld.

[1:07:01] Hi.

[1:07:02] Hello.

[1:07:03] So Jared Leto was pretty amazing, right?

[1:07:05] Oh, sure.

[1:07:06] Yeah, naturally.

[1:07:07] Yeah.

[1:07:08] What a dreamboat.

[1:07:09] There are times when I was like not sure he was on the screen.

[1:07:12] He was exuding so little energy.

[1:07:14] Yeah.

[1:07:15] And it's probably because he was so method.

[1:07:17] So I was wondering what other movies could be improved or made worse by somebody going so method.

[1:07:25] I mean, almost all movies could be made worse by someone going method.

[1:07:28] People do terrible things in movies.

[1:07:30] Certainly be made worse for that person's co-workers.

[1:07:33] Oh, yeah.

[1:07:34] Always.

[1:07:35] Oh, for sure.

[1:07:36] That's like...

[1:07:37] Unless...

[1:07:38] Hmm, let's see.

[1:07:39] I mean, Human Centipede, obviously.

[1:07:44] Stuart, you're just taunting the one iTunes reviewer who was disgusted by how often Human Centipede was brought up.

[1:07:52] All the time.

[1:07:53] That's all we talk about.

[1:07:54] This is how I sound.

[1:07:57] Like, why would he put that in iTunes review?

[1:08:00] I don't care.

[1:08:01] I'm just saying.

[1:08:04] Method.

[1:08:05] Well, be...

[1:08:06] Cats.

[1:08:07] Yeah.

[1:08:08] Yeah.

[1:08:09] If they lived as cats.

[1:08:10] If they all were cats forever.

[1:08:11] At all times.

[1:08:12] I'm just a cat now.

[1:08:13] Yeah.

[1:08:14] That'd be pretty great.

[1:08:15] For all time.

[1:08:16] Dame Judi Dench, now a cat, says that being a cat will not in any way interfere with her

[1:08:22] future roles.

[1:08:24] How she bequeathed all of her riches to herself upon her death.

[1:08:29] A local Yorkshire family was amazed to find out that the cat they had adopted was actually

[1:08:34] a famed actress named Judi Dench.

[1:08:40] What first tipped them off that this wasn't a normal cat was the tattoo that said Cat Life on her tummy.

[1:08:47] Anyway, I don't really have an answer, but that's a good one.

[1:08:49] Yeah, let's end it at that.

[1:08:54] Hi, I'm Claire.

[1:08:57] Last name withheld.

[1:08:58] Saved it.

[1:08:59] You caught yourself real fast.

[1:09:00] Good job.

[1:09:01] Mick, last name withheld.

[1:09:03] I previously wrote in to say thank you for the podcast because it keeps me company when

[1:09:09] I'm hospitalized and things like that.

[1:09:11] Oh, thank you.

[1:09:12] And I thought it might be appropriate to ask if you have any recommendations for comfort,

[1:09:17] sick day kind of movies.

[1:09:19] Hmm.

[1:09:21] My go-to comfort, sick day movie for a long time has always been The Last Unicorn.

[1:09:29] It's got the saddest soundtrack in the universe.

[1:09:31] Really?

[1:09:32] Yeah, it's beautiful.

[1:09:33] So wistful for a...

[1:09:36] Dan, I'm a Pisces sun, Cancer moon, the deep well of the ocean.

[1:09:44] I...

[1:09:46] Yeah, it's sad because like, I don't know.

[1:09:49] I like...

[1:09:51] Dan, look at your soul.

[1:09:52] Dan's like Death Wish.

[1:09:53] What movies do you like?

[1:09:54] No, no, no.

[1:09:55] I just, I feel like...

[1:09:56] I mean, Dan's real answer would be like some kind of weird 70s Italian sci-fi porn.

[1:10:00] No, no, what I was thinking was, like, I realize as I grow older that I am becoming the thing

[1:10:07] that, like, bothered me when I was younger. I'm just like, oh, the people who were young

[1:10:12] at this point are now dominating culture, and everything is nostalgia looking back to

[1:10:17] their culture. So I feel, like, shameful that the true thing is, like, yeah, I want to regress

[1:10:22] to the, like, my childhood films, like, give me a slasher of the 80s or something that

[1:10:29] I saw on USA Up all night, even though I know all the problematic elements of it now. Like,

[1:10:35] it just envelops me in this nostalgia, but then I feel bad about it, is what I was struggling

[1:10:41] with inside myself. And, you know, mental struggle is great for podcasting.

[1:10:47] For me, it's that double feature, Singing in the Rain and Wizard of Oz. Love them both.

[1:10:53] Fear and joy on film, but they also made me cry at the end. Beautiful.

[1:10:56] Thank you. I appreciate that. And also, I have the Discharge Hospital bracelet.

[1:10:59] You do? Okay, great. Okay. Stick around. Don't go anywhere.

[1:11:03] That is to be signed later for the audience who might be confused.

[1:11:07] I'm collecting them so I can sneak into a hospital and kill nurses.

[1:11:10] And steal blood because I'm a living vampire.

[1:11:13] I'm a living vampire. But it's hard to get into hospitals these days. And they can't

[1:11:17] find blood elsewhere. It's not like people are just walking around full of blood. Anyway.

[1:11:21] Wait a minute.

[1:11:23] Hi, I'm Fleet. So, first of all, I just want to pitch for Hinterlands. Thanks for the Best

[1:11:30] First Date bar. Oh, thank you.

[1:11:33] My own. Thank you so much. I own a little bar called

[1:11:37] Hinterlands. It's great. Come visit. You won the Nobel Prize for it. Will you turn

[1:11:41] it down? I turned it down.

[1:11:44] Reject it brutally. So, I actually have a Morbius question that really confused me when

[1:11:48] I watched the movie, and I'm wondering if you could clear it up.

[1:11:51] Yeah, I mean, well, this is, so they set up that Matt Smith and Morbo have like the same

[1:11:57] power set.

[1:11:58] Morbo.

[1:11:59] Yeah.

[1:12:00] Yeah.

[1:12:01] How did the bats pick which one to support?

[1:12:03] That's a good question. You're right.

[1:12:07] Just political views that breaks it along.

[1:12:12] Because bats, unlike a lot of other, here's the, here's something I'm going to tell you.

[1:12:16] Animals that are awake during the day, like humans, are chaotic evil. Now, animals that

[1:12:21] are awake at night, bats, possums, some people, but not most of them, are chaotic good. So,

[1:12:28] they can just recognize the goodness. Ironically, Jared Leto, as we said, probably not a great

[1:12:32] guy, but in the movie is playing a good guy. Well, he's not that good a guy. You know what?

[1:12:36] I think it's just because he's just friends with those. Maybe they're the bats from the

[1:12:39] tube and they just heard him and went down there. I don't know.

[1:12:42] Yeah, the bats are like, I know that guy. He's a good dude.

[1:12:44] Yeah.

[1:12:45] He cleans up all of our shit.

[1:12:48] That's the guy that two bats were talking about. Yeah, we'll help him out. Hey.

[1:12:52] My cousin was talking about you.

[1:12:55] Look at this guy. It's Morbius.

[1:12:59] Bobby.

[1:13:00] Some kind of living vampire over here.

[1:13:03] Bobby. Forget about it. Come on.

[1:13:06] Oh, I love these bats.

[1:13:08] Yeah.

[1:13:09] What do you think you guys think? You going for some blood? Should we get some blood tonight?

[1:13:11] Yeah, yeah. Why not? Let's get some blood. Yeah, sure. We're bats. Yeah, okay.

[1:13:14] Yeah, it's Thursday.

[1:13:16] Thursday, blood night. Get dressed up. Yeah.

[1:13:20] I hope that helps.

[1:13:25] And you know, you know, those bats, they're biting someone. They go, oh, best blood. You don't get blood like this in other cities.

[1:13:30] Only in New York. Best blood.

[1:13:32] You mean the blood on First Avenue. That's the best blood. Fuck you.

[1:13:37] Blood on Gleeker. Come on.

[1:13:39] Best blood.

[1:13:40] Best blood in the city.

[1:13:42] That means it's the best blood in the country, which means it's the best blood in the world.

[1:13:44] Anyway, so, yes.

[1:13:47] You have a question about New York bats?

[1:13:49] What if the New York dolls were called the New York bats, guys?

[1:13:51] Best extended.

[1:13:52] Okay, anyway.

[1:13:53] Hi, I'm Leo, last name withheld.

[1:13:55] So in the past you've covered the Nick Cage-ification of John Cusack.

[1:13:58] And tonight you covered the Tommy Wiseau-ification of Jared Leto.

[1:14:01] So I want to know, who is a weird actor that you want to see become an even weirder actor?

[1:14:06] Mine would be Ryan Gosling becoming Steven Seagal.

[1:14:09] Oh, wow.

[1:14:10] Yeah, that would be an interesting transformation.

[1:14:12] Actors getting weirder.

[1:14:14] I mean, I feel like Timothee Chalamet is on the Johnny Depp trail right now.

[1:14:18] Sorry, Chalamont?

[1:14:20] Whatever, I don't know how to pronounce his name.

[1:14:22] There's half the letters you don't even say.

[1:14:23] That's true, he's hoarding letters.

[1:14:26] I feel like there's only enough time for that pale elfin little guy.

[1:14:30] There's only so much time before he becomes a real man.

[1:14:33] I mean, I think Robert Pattinson is just on, like, a road to get as many as he can.

[1:14:38] I appreciate that.

[1:14:39] Robert Pattinson is becoming just like my idea of what David Cronenberg is.

[1:14:44] I hold in my heart that local celebrity Michael Shannon can get weirder.

[1:14:53] It's possible.

[1:14:55] I see him walking around the neighborhood, bag of beers in his mustache.

[1:15:01] You got a little more in the basement, Michael, you say?

[1:15:04] That's the only thing I miss about road trips.

[1:15:06] Walking around and seeing John Turturro yelling at cars.

[1:15:17] I feel like there's room for good, legitimately weird new actors who get real weird.

[1:15:22] Okay, let's put a Craigslist ad up for weird actors.

[1:15:26] Must be weird.

[1:15:28] Hello, I wanted to ask if you think this movie would be any better if the main character was Milo

[1:15:33] as someone who's misnamed by someone named Michael Morbius

[1:15:36] and then gets revenge by having the best dance moves.

[1:15:39] Holy shit.

[1:15:40] Yeah, I mean, Matt Smith has so much more fun in this movie than the character with more in his name.

[1:15:45] Yeah, I think you've tapped into a much better version of the movie.

[1:15:50] It is incredible that he's like, my name's Lucien.

[1:15:53] No, it's not. It's Milo. You're Milo now.

[1:15:55] Hero of the movie. Do what I say.

[1:15:59] Lucien is like a perfect vamp name.

[1:16:01] Yeah, it is.

[1:16:02] It is supposed to be this moment of showing how cynical this kid is at this young age.

[1:16:08] That like, oh, the two previous Milos have already died.

[1:16:12] And I won't learn anyone's new name.

[1:16:15] But it really sets off this hero on a sour note.

[1:16:19] It just continues.

[1:16:22] It makes me wish, yeah, that now there was a version of this movie that was not so...

[1:16:25] Morby-normative, I'm going to call it.

[1:16:29] That was more of a Oscar Wilde decadent phase type movie.

[1:16:34] Which I guess is interesting with the vampire to a certain extent.

[1:16:36] Where it's like, yeah, let's be a vampire. Let's just do bad stuff.

[1:16:40] Like, come on, we're vampires, you know?

[1:16:42] Yeah, because it really is just degrees of living vampire.

[1:16:46] Like, both of them are murderers who drink blood.

[1:16:50] Well, I feel like there's a...

[1:16:51] For a while I've been tinkering with, and I don't think I'll do it yet.

[1:16:54] I feel like I've never seen a good movie about capitalist vampires.

[1:16:59] Like, I haven't seen one yet that goes all the way.

[1:17:01] And it's like, make that movie.

[1:17:03] Hollywood, you're scared to go all the way with your capitalist vampire movie.

[1:17:07] Milo is clearly like, he's a rich guy in it.

[1:17:09] But they never want to go all the way to a rich person who is preying on the underclass or something like that.

[1:17:15] Kind of like Society, but instead of faces coming out of butts, it's vampires.

[1:17:20] I feel like Society doesn't really say that message clearly.

[1:17:25] It does have a face coming out of a butt, but still.

[1:17:27] I mean, someone just yelled Society at one point.

[1:17:29] That's the message, yeah.

[1:17:31] But yeah, okay.

[1:17:32] Yeah, it would be a better movie.

[1:17:33] That goes without saying.

[1:17:34] I'm taking control of this line.

[1:17:36] It is hot in here.

[1:17:37] I apologize to everyone that it is hot in here.

[1:17:39] We will get through the line, and then we will say goodnight.

[1:17:43] But your question, please.

[1:17:45] Catherine, last name withheld.

[1:17:47] Hi, guys.

[1:17:48] As a person from Kansas, I am certainly on the non-Topeka train.

[1:17:53] Okay, interesting.

[1:17:54] But I will chat about that with anyone else from Kansas here.

[1:17:58] My question is, as a group of people who have seen both Death on the Nile and Cats,

[1:18:04] would you prefer to watch a film that is a straight-laced murder mystery, a la Death on the Nile,

[1:18:10] except for all the characters are the characters from Cats, or would you prefer to watch…

[1:18:15] Well, we know it's Macavity.

[1:18:16] Well…

[1:18:17] He's a mystery there.

[1:18:18] He's broken every human law.

[1:18:20] Or would you prefer to watch a murder mystery with human characters,

[1:18:27] except it is in the style of a musical review a la Cats?

[1:18:31] Oh.

[1:18:32] You guys love musicals.

[1:18:34] I have to say that you were describing the first option.

[1:18:37] I'm like, the second option better be pretty fucking good for me to not go for the Cats murder mystery.

[1:18:46] Nobody leave the room.

[1:18:47] Old Gerotomy has been murdered.

[1:18:50] For a second you were describing Dan's next birthday party.

[1:18:56] Guys, let's do a murder mystery birthday, but all of you please dress in leotards.

[1:19:02] What I love is that Dan is presenting it like he's asking everyone to do it,

[1:19:07] but usually he sends an e-mail that's like, okay, everybody be here.

[1:19:10] You're wearing this.

[1:19:11] And then you open the door and he's wearing a mustache that has whiskers.

[1:19:14] He goes, oh, Dan, I'm Hercule Poirot.

[1:19:17] Meow, meow.

[1:19:23] I'll be investigating this meowder tonight.

[1:19:26] And I'm like, oh, I flew out from L.A. for this?

[1:19:31] Now that's how I know it's a fantasy.

[1:19:37] What if it was like our 50th birthday?

[1:19:38] Yeah, sure.

[1:19:39] Big one.

[1:19:40] Option A. Option A. I go with Option A.

[1:19:42] Yeah, that's Option A.

[1:19:43] I think they're both great.

[1:19:44] I mean, for this question, Option A.

[1:19:46] But I do like the idea of if someone could pull off a musical murder mystery like that

[1:19:50] where it's just people introducing themselves in song, I mean, that would be pretty amazing.

[1:19:54] But it would take someone of amazing musical ability.

[1:20:00] Better than me.

[1:20:06] Oh, you really dodged a song on that one, yeah.

[1:20:09] I like to leave the audience with an anti-climax at the end of every answer.

[1:20:16] Hi guys, Sam, last name withheld.

[1:20:19] So, every year my wife and I watch, in October, try to watch as many horror, thriller, or just Halloween-themed movies as possible.

[1:20:28] Hocus Pocus, et cetera.

[1:20:30] Yeah, Hocus Pocus.

[1:20:31] First of October, yeah.

[1:20:32] Yeah, yeah, Ernest Scared Stupid, yeah, yeah.

[1:20:35] So, are there any horror movies, horror thrillers, or Halloween-themed movies you guys can recommend that aren't torture porn or rely on jump scares?

[1:20:45] Rely on jump scares.

[1:20:47] My number one Halloween movie that I always recommend, I wouldn't describe it as either of those things, is Night of the Demons, the original, it's great.

[1:20:56] Yep, thank you.

[1:20:57] Give me at least one woo.

[1:21:00] Yeah, I don't know, it's like kind of the perfect like haunted house Halloween party that turns into a demon murder fest.

[1:21:06] It's great.

[1:21:08] I would go for that sort of thing.

[1:21:11] There's some jump scares in it, but Trick or Treat, the Michael Dougherty movie that's like kind of an anthology movie, but it's more like just different types of horror intertwined on Halloween.

[1:21:23] Elliot's going to say, what, Cries and Whispers, Hello.

[1:21:26] Everyone knows, on record, Persona is the scariest movie I've ever seen, but it's like these two women, their identities are merging, this is terrifying.

[1:21:33] But if you haven't seen, you may have watched already, if you haven't seen the original The Haunting, Robert Wise, The Haunting, it's an old movie, but it's very creepy scary.

[1:21:41] And there's a scene where you're just looking at a wall, basically, and I'm just like, this is very scary right now.

[1:21:46] And there's nothing less jump scare than a wall.

[1:21:49] It can't move.

[1:21:52] So that's what I would say.

[1:21:53] You could literally stare at one to calm down right now.

[1:21:55] Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[1:21:57] Unless there was a scary face painted on it.

[1:22:02] Dan, would it calm you down to stare at a wall with a scary face painted on it?

[1:22:06] Uh, how cool is its face?

[1:22:09] Okay, good question. Next question, please.

[1:22:11] We'll talk about this later, because I painted a scary face on your wall.

[1:22:15] Hi, I'm Wednesday, last name withheld.

[1:22:18] First off, I have to compliment your cape, because I actually use it for Vampire the Masquerade, the game that I run.

[1:22:24] Cool.

[1:22:25] Thank you. It's a very good game.

[1:22:27] Cool dude alert, everybody.

[1:22:30] I want to ask you, what do you think Matthew Smith has done to deserve this?

[1:22:35] As a film career, it's not been great, between this Terminator, and I'm sure he's been in a lot of other bad films.

[1:22:42] He was in Last Night in Soho, which is not good, but he's good in it.

[1:22:47] I like Better Than Stuart, but yes, it's not widely beloved.

[1:22:51] Yeah, he's not, post-doctor, he's not had the greatest luck.

[1:22:57] I don't know, I mean, I don't know really much about him otherwise.

[1:23:00] He's going to be a Targaryen soon, everybody.

[1:23:03] Yeah, sometimes people just don't get the breaks, sometimes they're kind of thrust into that, into the kind of...

[1:23:09] Are you going to ask me which Targaryen he's going to be?

[1:23:11] No, I'm not interested.

[1:23:13] Sometimes an actor through no fault of their own gets thrust into what's called the heavy role,

[1:23:22] where they're just kind of like the bad dude that the hero has to either fight or get over or whatever.

[1:23:26] But maybe he just loves making these movies.

[1:23:29] He's like, I want to be in these movies that are not that good, and I'm like a bad guy in them.

[1:23:34] Oh, but he's English, so he'll be like, that's what I want to do.

[1:23:37] As someone who came to the new Doctor Who episode starting with him as the Doctor,

[1:23:43] I do think that also in that role there's a lightness that tempers a lot of...

[1:23:50] He's got a weird vibe which is good and engaging and what makes him a good character actor for things,

[1:23:58] but I think that the lightness that he brings in the Doctor is not something that's there

[1:24:03] when he's cast as the villain all the time and it's not serving him well. I don't know.

[1:24:09] Yeah, he looks like a bad guy, so they make him a bad guy, but he's a lot more fun than that.

[1:24:13] He's a fun guy. He's a fun guy. He's a real mushroom.

[1:24:17] This episode's going to come out a day after something terrible about him comes out.

[1:24:22] All right. All right. All right. We're so close to the end.

[1:24:25] We've got two questions left.

[1:24:27] Dos preguntas.

[1:24:30] Hi, my name's Peter, and I was just wondering where you thought Milo got all his money.

[1:24:36] Oh.

[1:24:37] Good question. I think it's because Otis died and left him all the cash.

[1:24:42] I mean, I did assume he inherited it, but I think it was Otis.

[1:24:44] Did somebody boo Otis?

[1:24:47] I mean, because the sad reality is a lot of Milo's notices died in the making of that movie.

[1:24:52] I didn't do it.

[1:24:55] I said sad.

[1:24:59] Look, I feel bad about the thing I made up.

[1:25:04] I wish.

[1:25:06] So, yeah, where did Milo go?

[1:25:08] I always assumed he inherited it, that he was a rich guy.

[1:25:10] I assume Morbius has money, too.

[1:25:12] The Jared Harris Hospital in Greece does not come cheap.

[1:25:16] But what do you guys think?

[1:25:17] I kind of figured, like, oh, he's this kind of weird kid genius,

[1:25:22] and maybe he had a little seed money and invested well and gambled a lot.

[1:25:27] Online poker or something.

[1:25:30] Maybe all this time, because he certainly starts acting like a real showboating creep

[1:25:37] when he gets all bloodied up,

[1:25:39] maybe he's one of these guys who makes himself seem rich on Instagram

[1:25:43] and then makes money off of that.

[1:25:46] So he'll go to a place where there's a fuselage of a prop plane,

[1:25:50] he'll take a picture of himself walking off of it and be like,

[1:25:52] hmm, returning from Dubai or something like that.

[1:25:55] And he hires a bunch of women to, like, lay in a bed with him

[1:25:58] and takes a picture and is like, Tuesday.

[1:26:00] This is all going to pay off when I become a vampire later.

[1:26:04] I just need to make enough.

[1:26:06] Well, that's the thing.

[1:26:07] On Instagram, he's been pretending to be a vampire all this time.

[1:26:09] So when Morbius is like, I have a cure, he's like,

[1:26:11] oh, God, I hope it turns me into a vampire because I've been living a lie for so long.

[1:26:15] If it turns me into a Van Helsing, I'm fucked.

[1:26:21] And finally.

[1:26:24] Hello.

[1:26:26] That's good.

[1:26:27] Last question.

[1:26:29] What is goth and is Dr. Michael Morbius goth?

[1:26:32] What is goth and is Dr. Michael Morbius a goth?

[1:26:37] Well, that's a good question.

[1:26:43] I would argue he's goth as well.

[1:26:45] The traditional stalling tactic.

[1:26:46] That's a good question.

[1:26:49] I mean, I just imagine that, look, there are two goth pillars in my mind.

[1:26:54] Go on.

[1:26:55] On the one hand, I imagine Robert Smith up here above my left shoulder.

[1:26:59] And the other hand, I imagine death from the Sandman comics.

[1:27:05] With a name similar to Morbius.

[1:27:08] And I think that I wouldn't see them all hanging out together necessarily.

[1:27:15] But I could see Morbius trying to be like them.

[1:27:19] And Morbius cares more, though.

[1:27:22] Isn't part of being goth not caring?

[1:27:25] No, I don't know about that.

[1:27:26] No, I think goths care a lot.

[1:27:29] I think part of being goth is caring a painful amount.

[1:27:34] It's why you literally put a barrier of face paint between you and the world.

[1:27:39] But, yeah, I would say I don't think he's a goth.

[1:27:42] I'll tell you what.

[1:27:43] I don't think so.

[1:27:44] You know why?

[1:27:45] He didn't choose that lifestyle.

[1:27:47] He doesn't feel an affinity with it.

[1:27:48] He's just a bat.

[1:27:53] He's like walking around in a hooded sweatshirt with the hood pulled down.

[1:27:57] He's like, you know, society's based on a lie.

[1:27:59] I'm a bat.

[1:28:00] And it's like, now that I'm a bat, I can see it.

[1:28:03] He never talks about his feelings except for how he feels now that he's a super hard body.

[1:28:10] How do you feel now that you're a super hard body, Stuart?

[1:28:17] Let's take a look at these thighs.

[1:28:22] I'm not comfortable with the way Dana's objectifying Stuart right now.

[1:28:27] It seems like a good way to end things on a high, honestly.

[1:28:31] Yeah, fair.

[1:28:32] So, what are our votes?

[1:28:34] You say yes, goth?

[1:28:35] I say yes, goth.

[1:28:36] I say no, goth.

[1:28:37] Being a goth is all about lifestyle.

[1:28:38] Stuart, you're the deciding vote.

[1:28:39] I'm going to say no, goth.

[1:28:41] Oh, not a goth.

[1:28:43] You heard it in Brockport by a vote of two to one.

[1:28:46] And you know what?

[1:28:47] Let's keep the energy going and say, that's the show!

[1:28:53] Thanks for being here.

[1:28:54] Thank you, Brooklyn.

[1:28:55] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:28:57] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:28:59] I've been Elliot Kalin.

[1:29:01] Not a goth, but goth adjacent.

[1:29:07] So, a little story about Jurassic Park.

[1:29:11] Just a little park full of dinosaurs.

[1:29:15] Oh yeah, they were extinct.

[1:29:18] Giving up on the idea of rhyming.

[1:29:19] Thanks to DNA, they brought them all back.

[1:29:24] It's a very easy song to parody.

[1:29:26] Thank you for explaining the plot to Jurassic Park.

[1:29:28] Well, that's only the premise.

[1:29:29] So there's this paleontologist named Alan Grant.

[1:29:33] Doesn't much like kids.

[1:29:35] Well, save it for a many.

EPISODE #376 – Morbius, LIVE!

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