FH Min 61 - Aquatic 80's

[0:00] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot

[0:09] Kaelin, starting up the episode and ready for some Flophouse funnies. Dan, what do we

[0:14] do on this podcast? Well, the normal episodes are ones where we watch a bad movie and then

[0:21] we talk about it, but also, those take up two weeks in a month, and the other two weeks

[0:27] are taken up by what we call the Flophouse Mini, which are theoretically shorter, sometimes

[0:33] they aren't, and they're a lot more freeform. Not to be confused with the TV channel Freeform,

[0:39] which is unrelated. Nor is it a sponsor. No, they can go to hell. This episode is one that

[0:48] I'm driving. It is a concept that I hope you'll go along with. I don't know if you'll enjoy.

[0:56] We'll see. But I'll introduce it thusly. By the time... I think Stuart and I are both

[1:04] buying into you introducing a concept, okay. Sure. Thanks. I've set up the premise that

[1:09] I will introduce a premise. I hope that you'll accept that and go with me. By the time you

[1:18] hear this episode, Stuart and I will have presented No Way Out at the Nighthawk Theatre.

[1:26] So I'm advertising a thing that has passed already. We have introduced a film at the

[1:33] Nighthawk, which is a thing that we do from time to time when our friend Christina asks

[1:38] us to do it. Christina Cacioppo, a programmer at the Nighthawk. Best in the biz. And No

[1:45] Way Out is part of... Wait, hold on a sec. I want to take a minute to talk about Christina

[1:49] before we go. I feel like theatre programmers don't often get the glory that they deserve,

[1:55] and she really is the best in the biz. We've known her for a long time. She was the programmer

[1:59] at 92i Tribeca, a now-defunct space that I used to present a screening series at because

[2:05] she allowed me to. She worked at Alamo. She's just a fantastic programmer. And who decides

[2:12] which movies are going to make it to the theatres other than the big ones that hit you over

[2:16] the head with themselves so you have to watch them? It's these programmers. So thank you,

[2:20] theatre programmers, for bringing us the movies we might otherwise not get a chance to see

[2:24] in glorious widescreen.

[2:29] If they're projected in widescreen.

[2:31] They might not be projected in widescreen. Maybe they're projected using that little

[2:34] thing where you put your phone inside of a cardboard box and it just shoots out an image

[2:38] onto a pillowcase or something like that. But either way, programmers, thank you. Go

[2:42] to your theatre right now, your local theatre. Go just kiss your local theatre programmer

[2:46] right now and say thank you.

[2:47] Don't kiss them.

[2:48] Don't kiss them.

[2:49] At least not without their consent.

[2:52] If you're in a relationship with them and you're not sneaking up behind them, which

[2:55] is weird even if you're in a relationship, go ahead and kiss them. But otherwise, maybe

[2:59] just give them a nice handshake. Or just wave. Or just wave and say good job, thank you.

[3:04] Or salute them, I don't know.

[3:05] Or like $20 and just like a little tip envelope.

[3:09] Wow.

[3:10] That seems weird. That seems creepy.

[3:12] Yeah, one of those little like birthday envelopes where it has a little keyhole cut out for

[3:17] the president's face and you're like, what?

[3:22] As if the president's creeping on you?

[3:24] Who cares?

[3:25] Ulysses S. Grant is watching you.

[3:29] Oh, Grant. Or Benjamin Franklin. I know he's not a fucking president.

[3:34] He's not technically a president.

[3:35] But he's still on money.

[3:36] Yeah, that's true.

[3:37] He is on money. So the point of this was...

[3:41] He would have been a president if he hadn't been a felon. But we can get into that later.

[3:46] Yeah, because there's never been a bad person president.

[3:49] No, that's because before...

[3:51] Nor on money.

[3:53] When someone is elected... Or on money. There's never been bad people. When someone's elected

[3:57] president, they have to go talk to the Archangel Gabriel who says, be straight with me. Have

[4:02] you ever done a bad thing? And if they say yes, he says, thank you for telling the truth.

[4:08] You can't be president. If they say no, then he has to go back and check their history

[4:11] and I guess cut out their brain and weigh it against a stone. And if it weighs more

[4:16] than the stone because it's weighted down with sin, they can't be president and they're

[4:20] replaced by a robot.

[4:21] Oh, wow. That's crazy. Oh, that's cool.

[4:22] Yeah. A lot of people don't know that. So, Dan, so No Way Out, what's that all about?

[4:27] This movie that you have already shown by the time you say it?

[4:30] I'm actually going into this screening completely blind other than knowing the names of three

[4:35] of the stars.

[4:38] No Way and Out?

[4:39] Yep.

[4:40] Well, now that you've made a big thing of this, I will reveal that this was just a way

[4:45] to get into a largely unrelated bit.

[4:48] Oh, there really is no way out of this intro.

[4:51] I appreciate you really pumping it up. But the point is, this was part of Christina's

[4:58] series on erotic thrillers at the at the Nighthawk called Nighthawk Diaries. I think that she

[5:04] was programming before erotic thrillers really sort of, you know, reemerged in the zeitgeist.

[5:10] Did they?

[5:11] So she was she was having a go. Oh, yeah. There were a bunch of articles about...

[5:16] They're having a mo.

[5:17] Oh, OK.

[5:18] Yeah. I would say the moment has has died down a little bit. But you should still go

[5:24] see the series. The series is great.

[5:28] But yeah, because people got tired of being scared and horny at the same time.

[5:32] Yeah. No Way Out was also featured recently in the Erotic 80s series on You Must Remember

[5:41] This. So I thought, let's piggyback on the success of of that series with my own mini

[5:48] episode called Aquatic 80s.

[5:51] I like this. I like it.

[5:54] OK, interesting.

[5:55] This is there. There are four films from the 1980s which are tagged with the keyword aquatic

[6:01] humanoid on IMDb.

[6:04] And so we're going to take a little trip to get a part through the four movies with me

[6:10] from the 80s with the aquatic humanoid tab.

[6:13] OK, OK.

[6:14] So that really so that the whole No Way Out thing really was a a very really was a mystery.

[6:20] Again, if you guys would just let me sort of get through my intro clarity.

[6:26] It's called Hanging a Lantern on it.

[6:28] So just look at you follow the lantern and the lantern takes you to the aquatic 80s.

[6:33] It's fine.

[6:34] It's a magic lantern that that you follow.

[6:36] Yeah.

[6:37] I mean, also a form of film kind of magic lanterns.

[6:42] So starting starting at 1980, the first and relatively speaking, most famous of the four

[6:51] and when you relatively is doing a lot of work here, the first is Humanoids from the

[6:58] I was wondering if that was the first one.

[6:59] Yeah.

[7:00] Yeah.

[7:01] And this is about aquatic humanoid monsters who come come ashore to murder men and sexually

[7:08] sexually assault women.

[7:10] So that's not really something that would fly as a whole plot of a movie these days.

[7:14] It was the 80s that was rated G at the time.

[7:17] Yeah.

[7:18] Well, it was it was a Roger Corman production.

[7:21] So it was pretty came pretty standard for old old Raj.

[7:24] Yeah.

[7:25] Yeah.

[7:26] Yeah.

[7:27] Although it was weird that Ronald Reagan devoted most of his State of the Union address to

[7:32] urging Americans to go see Humanoids from the Deep so that they were would be fully

[7:36] aware of the dangers that were lurking the dangers of horny fish.

[7:41] Now, they should have called it Horny Fish from the Deep.

[7:45] I mean, I feel like that's the subtitle for the Providence comics.

[7:51] It's it's interesting that you bring that up, Elliot, because it was originally titled

[7:57] Beneath the Darkness to make it sound classy.

[8:01] So they can.

[8:02] Wow.

[8:03] That is super classy.

[8:04] Yeah.

[8:05] But Corman changed it to Humanoids from the Deep with his unerring eye for exploitation.

[8:12] And speaking of which, Corman, the paradox of him is he would give female directors jobs

[8:20] when that was far, far less common.

[8:24] But then he would do things like he did on Humanoids from the Deep, where he went beyond

[8:27] behind Barbara Peters, the director's back to insert nude scenes that she had refused

[8:33] to include earlier and just generally make it a lot rapier.

[8:40] So one of my least favorite words that ends in ear for a man who loves ears of corn, well,

[8:52] just like sleepier.

[8:53] OK, I'll accept it.

[8:55] Slimier.

[8:56] Oh, I'll take it, I guess.

[8:57] But yeah.

[8:58] And Elliot Elliot, not normally blessed with long reach, likes to fight with spears.

[9:05] Yeah.

[9:07] So definitely not a movie to watch if if that is something that will.

[9:13] Yeah.

[9:14] If you're like a substitute teacher and you got to put a tape on for the kids.

[9:22] It's biology class.

[9:23] I guess I put this one on the title.

[9:27] Yeah.

[9:28] Now it stars a victim of John Lamb.

[9:32] This is a manslaughter, Vic Morrow and acquitted Dan.

[9:37] He was acquitted for that crime he very much committed and caused.

[9:41] So I'm just digging myself further into the problematic elements of this film.

[9:47] But here's here's some good news.

[9:48] I mean, it wasn't his fault.

[9:49] Yeah, yeah.

[9:50] It wasn't asking for it.

[9:51] Yeah.

[9:52] He was he was like, John, for this next scene, make the helicopters go super low.

[9:57] He's like, John, crash on me, John.

[10:00] Let's only do it if we can have some child actors on board that didn't sign releases

[10:04] Yeah, let's only do we can have some illegally hired child actors. Fuck John Lennon's anyway

[10:10] the the special effects team

[10:12] For this did work on the Terminator

[10:15] Gremlins the howling and the fly among other things it went on to that is that is some fucking bangers

[10:21] Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well and I this is the only of these four movies that I think I did see

[10:30] A long while ago, and I remember the monsters looking pretty good

[10:34] and the composer was James Horner who probably

[10:40] overall is best known for a score to Titanic, but

[10:43] He's best known for sticking his thumb into a Christmas pie in a corner of some kind pulling a plumb out

[10:49] Brother Jack

[10:54] Sorry composer James Horner

[10:57] Who was last seen in a corner? Did he get out?

[11:01] Nothing, but a plum on his thumb

[11:05] Good old plumb thumb to horn

[11:09] He's like I

[11:11] Dedicated my life to ending

[11:12] Ending the scourge of guinea worm in in far-off countries and yet you put one plum at it with with your thumb

[11:18] That's all they call you as plumb. I feel like when I heard that song as a kid

[11:23] I'm like, is this a fucking thing that like

[11:27] Christian kids do like

[11:30] Who sticks their thumb in a pie and pulls out a like what the fuck's going on here, right?

[11:35] Don't ask me. I'm Jewish. We don't even eat plan. Yeah, they're super Christian

[11:41] So this is one of these things that like

[11:43] I

[11:45] Heard a story that could be apocryphal because all these DC talk concert or something. I'm sure

[11:53] all of these explanations for like nursery rhyme rhymes are usually apocryphal so who knows but I

[12:00] remember

[12:02] Seeing or reading something about how like the idea was that this was all

[12:07] Allegorical and like the plum he pulled out was, you know, like a plum

[12:13] like

[12:15] Political favor and it was all a political

[12:18] Allegory of some kind but it's probably all not seems unlikely

[12:23] I'm glad we finally myth busted that one. Yeah

[12:27] How many Pinocchios

[12:30] Like a

[12:32] This movie humanoids from the deep it's interesting that it's funny that the thing that

[12:38] Elliot was encouraging me to do was you a miss that movie on a on a film that I

[12:44] Told him about via text called the Beach Girls and the monster from 1965

[12:51] Which it's a it's an interesting fun bad movie if you're like if you like that kind of thing check out the Beach Girls and

[12:57] the monster it

[12:58] has a lot of

[13:00] Beach Girls go-go dancing and a monster or does it?

[13:06] But mostly it's well the fact that you did that makes me kind of guess that maybe there's not really a monster in it

[13:11] Yeah, it's like this weird movie that feels like a soap opera that they just stuck in

[13:16] Shots of go-go dancing girls and a monster. I don't wanna

[13:21] Kill the mood, but the movie has humans in it

[13:24] It's got monsters. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. We are the real monster. That's a good point

[13:29] Uh

[13:32] No, no, it was just it was a little too real a little too real sorry

[13:36] I didn't I didn't talk about that movie because I was sort of only half watching it

[13:41] I didn't feel like I could give the full flop house treatment it deserved

[13:46] But it's funny routinely leaves the movie to go cut some fruit up

[13:52] It comes back

[13:54] He'll go I'll go to the theater and leave to cut fruit up and they're like sir, what are you doing?

[13:59] This is the concession stand. Why are you cutting fruit?

[14:02] It's just interesting to me that that happened because I came up with this alternate idea

[14:05] And then I realized that this first movie humanoids from the deep was

[14:10] very consciously

[14:12] Roger Corman's

[14:14] Attempt to sort of do a more modern version of this sort of micro genre of beach monster

[14:21] Yeah, like the monster party beach and things like exactly

[14:26] So the this is the Corman

[14:28] Sleazier version, but anyway, let's move on to the next now. What now is Roger Corman related to the director Michael Mann. That's good

[14:36] Yeah, it's good. He's the core of

[14:38] director Michael

[14:40] Whittled him down

[14:43] That's what's inside. Okay

[14:47] Now I don't have to do it because he told me that's good for Michael, man

[14:51] Continuing this tour of Aquatic 80s now Dan become a real Roger Corman

[15:01] This next film now accounts very online as to when this movie came out IMDb says

[15:09] 1980

[15:10] wiki says 81 but

[15:13] Because of that dispute it is second on a tour after

[15:17] Humanoids which came out in 80 for sure. This is called Rana the legend of Shadow Lake

[15:24] okay, and

[15:25] the single the single trivia item on IMDb is

[15:30] Rana is Spanish for frog. I don't know if I'm pronouncing it correctly, but

[15:35] Our a and a is Spanish for frog frog is right. Yeah, I think you said it. Thank you. I

[15:41] Did okay good pronounce frog correctly

[15:44] Switch just nothing but nothing but net beautiful and now we done

[15:51] this

[15:53] This movie also has an alternate title

[15:55] Which makes sense when you know that it's Spanish for frog. It says the alternate title is croaked

[16:02] colon

[16:04] croaked frog monster from hell

[16:07] Cool now, of course better title I think yeah

[16:11] And more appropriate to where this came from because this is a trauma film and

[16:18] apparently Lloyd Kaufman in his book said this is one of the five best trauma movies, which is a low bar, but

[16:27] There you go, if you want to see a good trauma movie, maybe this is your one I got a question

[16:32] I'm gonna head Elliot off at the top of the list. I'm gonna head off at the top of the list

[16:36] I'm gonna lay it off at the pass real quick and ask you is Lloyd Kaufman related to Michael Mann

[16:44] Like is he when Michael Michael Mann has a cough

[16:50] When he coughs he vomits up his core

[16:55] Wow amazing, it's like the cat in uninvited

[17:01] Now Dan, are you familiar with the director of this movie? I'm just looking up now is Bill Rubin

[17:06] Who did a couple of mystery science theater movies?

[17:08] He did the giant spider invasion and he did monster a go-go may which is maybe the worst movie

[17:15] I think they've ever done on that show worse than Manos

[17:18] Certainly. Yeah, I I mean I remember I think I had the amazing colossal episode guide

[17:24] I think that they singled it out is the worst movie

[17:27] I remember watching that all for a lot for a lot of my mystery science theater watching and when I was young the only way

[17:31] To see it was to watch it weeknights at midnight from midnight to 2 a.m

[17:35] On Comedy Central and anytime it was monster a go-go

[17:38] I just knew I was in for a lot of long shots of people hanging around a tunnel

[17:43] Waiting for a monster that never shows up and it felt like it was endless

[17:47] We're just going forever and somehow

[17:49] 40,000 hours of waiting were crammed into what was probably 25 minutes of screentime, but oh man, so theory of relativity

[17:57] Anyway, that's what I was talking about

[18:00] The movie monster a go-go this is when relativity really comes into play

[18:07] Now details on this movie are slim

[18:13] the Wikipedia plot summary tops out

[18:16] at one sentence

[18:17] it says

[18:19] When a fortune is discovered at the bottom of the lake a divers out to get it

[18:23] even when he discovers that the loot is being guarded by an awful underwater beast and

[18:28] I took a look at some YouTube clips to try and fill out my knowledge of this and

[18:34] They are very muddy and the the monster the titular

[18:39] It's a lake. Yeah with a frog in it

[18:43] It's not it's not beautiful cinematography, I mean it's probably degraded over time who knows it could have been gorgeous

[18:52] Okay restoration yeah, yeah YouTube is known for its crystal clear presentation, right

[18:58] Yeah, it's true

[18:59] But it's a the monster the titular monster

[19:04] Looks kind of like a Cheddar Goblin which title or croaked

[19:10] Let's say croaks, okay

[19:12] frog monster from

[19:14] So he looks like the Cheddar Goblin. Yeah

[19:18] Yeah, I praise

[19:20] Yes is as good a time character find of what was that?

[19:25] 2000

[19:26] Wait

[19:28] This was a good guess. Yeah, when did Mandy come out in 80 or 81? Oh Mandy. Yeah

[19:33] Yeah, the Cheddar Goblin timeout

[19:36] 2018 got it on. I just looked it up. Got it. No scope. Yeah killed it. Yeah

[19:41] That was that's when I sniped. I sniped that one without even looking amazing. Yeah, it's amazing

[19:46] Yeah, and you know what might be good if you're enjoying

[19:51] A movie about aquatic humanoids some loomy labs

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[21:23] And now we are halfway through our tour of Aquatic 80s.

[21:28] No!

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[22:57] Now this next movie,

[22:59] also from 1981,

[23:03] presuming that the previous one

[23:04] was actually from 1981, is.

[23:07] We'll never know, there's no way of knowing.

[23:09] I mean, it feels like the aquatic 80s

[23:11] are fucking front-loaded in the 80s.

[23:14] Yeah, I think people got kind of tired

[23:15] of aquatic humanoids.

[23:17] There's a movie that I'm really wondering

[23:19] if it's on this list, if it made on the list,

[23:20] and we'll find out at the end.

[23:21] There's a pretty big aquatic humanoid movie

[23:24] from the 80s, but I'm wondering

[23:25] if we're gonna get to it.

[23:26] Dan, what's the next one?

[23:28] It's not this one.

[23:29] This one, this next one is Saturday the 14th.

[23:35] Okay, so it's one day after Friday the 13th.

[23:37] Yeah, Saturday the 14th.

[23:39] I have not seen this film either.

[23:41] Really?

[23:42] Like I said, like I said, well, I.

[23:45] That doesn't sound like you, Dan.

[23:46] I have seen Saturday the 14th Strikes Back,

[23:51] which was released in 1988,

[23:54] and I remember distinctly watching

[23:56] Saturday the 14th Strikes Back when I was a kid

[24:00] on a family vacation somewhere.

[24:03] It was the end of the day.

[24:04] We checked into a motel with my parents.

[24:08] Sookie Motel.

[24:08] Everyone was tired, and you know,

[24:11] we just gotta go with what's on television,

[24:14] and when I was a kid, there were fewer things.

[24:16] Yeah, yeah.

[24:18] Whatever the TV is offering up, that's pure watching.

[24:21] Who's that, Ed Beagley Jr.?

[24:23] Well, I'll tell you, Saturday the 14th stars

[24:25] Richard Benjamin, an actor who later on

[24:29] did a lot of directing.

[24:30] Paul Apprentice.

[24:30] Has two names, Richard and Benjamin.

[24:33] Paul Apprentice and Jeffrey Tambor is also in this film.

[24:37] I think I'm thinking of Transylvania 6-5000.

[24:40] You were thinking of Transylvania 6-5000.

[24:42] I have seen Transylvania 6-5000.

[24:44] Yeah, Geena Davis is incredible in that movie.

[24:49] Yeah, no argument here.

[24:51] That's either the movie that she met Jeff Goldblum on

[24:54] or the movie they made while in the throes of love

[24:56] after meeting on Earth, Girls, or Easy.

[24:58] I can never remember which one it was.

[24:59] One of them they met on, and the next one they made

[25:02] while they were in love, and I don't remember which it is.

[25:04] It wasn't The Fly.

[25:05] They were already in love by then, I think.

[25:07] Well, man, made a lot of good stuff.

[25:10] They made a lot of movies together.

[25:12] Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum are really

[25:14] the William Powell and Myrna Loy of the 1980s.

[25:17] Yeah.

[25:19] Okay, so returning to Saturday the 14th,

[25:22] the original, the first in the Saturday the 14th franchise.

[25:29] Now, one would think from the title this is a slasher spoof,

[25:32] but it is actually a spoof of old horror movies

[25:36] such as one might see in the 30s or 40s.

[25:39] So it's more up Elliot's alley.

[25:41] Sure.

[25:42] Again.

[25:44] I love seeing things I love getting made fun of.

[25:48] From the director of, the director who came back

[25:51] for Saturday the 14th Strikes Back,

[25:52] he also made Space Raiders,

[25:56] financed by Julie Corman, wife of Roger.

[26:00] So it's all, it's keeping it in the family

[26:02] aquatic humanoid wise.

[26:07] Now, I, as I said, haven't seen it,

[26:09] so I can't speak to the specific aquatic humanoid.

[26:12] I assume it is a take on the Creature from the Black Lagoon

[26:16] if it is old horror movies,

[26:17] but the IMBD trivia page says, and I quote,

[26:22] at one hour, 11 minutes and 46 seconds,

[26:26] the bathtub fish monster punches through the glass

[26:30] and reaches inside the house,

[26:31] momentarily grabbing the breast of Debbie,

[26:34] parentheses, Carrie Michelson,

[26:36] as she is standing to the side of the window,

[26:39] happening ostensibly by accident.

[26:42] So that's the trivia.

[26:44] This accidental boob grab is the trivia

[26:48] for Saturday the 14th.

[26:50] They should have called the movie Accidental Boob Grab.

[26:52] That's a scarier title.

[26:53] Yeah.

[26:55] For both of the people involved.

[26:57] It was originally called Nailed,

[26:58] and then they turned it into Accidental Boob Grab.

[27:01] Looking at the cast list, Dan,

[27:03] it looks like it also,

[27:04] it features a performance by Severn Darden,

[27:07] who was a Second City member,

[27:09] who I always thought had a really cool first name.

[27:12] His first name is Severn, S-E-V-E-R-N.

[27:14] It's pretty cool.

[27:15] He's in some of the Planet of the Apes movies.

[27:17] Anytime he comes up in a book about comedy,

[27:18] I'm always like, where do you get a name like that?

[27:21] Yeah.

[27:22] Yeah.

[27:23] And so this movie-

[27:24] Probably his parents.

[27:26] Yeah.

[27:27] Good point.

[27:28] That's a good point.

[27:29] He probably did.

[27:30] Good.

[27:31] Not critically acclaimed.

[27:32] The Variety quote I found called it a pathetic farce,

[27:36] which will seem frail even on TV,

[27:39] which it probably should have been made for

[27:41] in the first place.

[27:43] So there you go.

[27:43] Wow, that's harsh.

[27:46] People gotta eat, Variety.

[27:48] And with that in mind,

[27:49] did the sequel live up to that same harsh critique?

[27:53] You know, when I saw it at age,

[27:56] I'm gonna guess around eight.

[27:58] Oh, very discerning age.

[28:01] Pretty funny, but maybe.

[28:05] You know what?

[28:06] Because the sequel came out in 88,

[28:09] at which point I would have been 10 already.

[28:11] So, yep.

[28:12] Unless you're in a house of leaves

[28:13] and things don't work the same.

[28:16] Did you go to the Motel of Leaves?

[28:18] Was that where you saw it?

[28:19] I probably was about 12, I would guess,

[28:21] by the time it showed up on TV

[28:22] and I was encountering it.

[28:24] Anyway.

[28:24] Okay.

[28:26] The non-discerning age of 12, but.

[28:28] Let me solve that history's mystery.

[28:29] So that's three down.

[28:31] That's three aquatic Apes down.

[28:33] We only got one more left.

[28:35] Are there any accidental boob grabs

[28:37] in Saturday the 14th Strikes Back?

[28:38] Because I could see a 12-year-old liking it for that.

[28:40] Yeah.

[28:42] I can't, I cannot recall.

[28:44] Oh.

[28:45] Okay.

[28:46] I cannot recall.

[28:47] I didn't take notes.

[28:48] You're pleading the fifth on this one.

[28:49] All right.

[28:49] Yeah.

[28:51] And so, the final stop on our tour of aquatic 80s,

[28:56] LA was playing like a rejected NBC game show

[29:01] Stump Mr. Skin right there.

[29:03] Show me accidental boob grab.

[29:10] Let's see what Mr. Skin has to say.

[29:12] Mr. Skin's silhouette looks a lot like Dan.

[29:15] And for some reason,

[29:16] it's Ben Stein playing Mr. Skin though.

[29:18] I'm Hezekiah Skin.

[29:21] And you're going to win my money

[29:23] if you can beat me at figuring out

[29:26] which nudity is in these films.

[29:27] Not as problematic as his political beliefs.

[29:31] I had a, Dan,

[29:33] before we get to number four,

[29:34] I just was like,

[29:35] I had a heated conversation with someone recently

[29:36] about how mad I still am at the characters in Knocked Up

[29:39] for not knowing there was already a Mr. Skin website.

[29:42] I know.

[29:43] It made me so mad.

[29:44] I said, how are these guys?

[29:46] They cannot be that interested in these guys.

[29:49] What?

[29:50] Yeah, particularly these guys.

[29:52] How can they be so interested in nudity in film

[29:54] and not be aware of the number one information source

[29:58] for where to find it?

[29:59] It just made me so mad.

[30:00] I could not, I was like, if these characters, either this movie is asking me to suspend

[30:03] my disbelief too much, or these characters are such morons that I have no sympathy for

[30:08] them in any case.

[30:09] Either way, for some reason I was still mad about it.

[30:13] Like watching Crouching Dagger and Dragon and being like, I guess I have to assume everyone

[30:17] can like fly around and stuff.

[30:19] I'm much more willing to pick that up.

[30:22] But it also, there was a moment in my head while I was talking to someone about this

[30:25] where I was like, why am I still so angry about this?

[30:29] Why is this still something that I remember, let alone am heated about?

[30:32] Was the person you talked to, I hope you're a therapist?

[30:36] It was Judd Apatow, actually.

[30:37] Oh, weird.

[30:38] It really hurt my career.

[30:39] Yeah.

[30:40] Yeah, yeah.

[30:41] I can see that.

[30:42] Okay.

[30:43] We were at the annual memorial for Harvey Korman at which it's made very clear that

[30:48] he's not related to Roger Korman.

[30:50] That's the main aspect of it, yeah.

[30:54] So our final stop, and Stuart astutely noted that the aquatic humanoid genre was front

[31:06] loaded to the beginning of the decade, and then we saw them disappear from screens for

[31:11] a while.

[31:12] Build up excitement.

[31:13] Possibly America had become, you know, the novelty had worn off.

[31:18] The brief three movie craze had come to an end.

[31:23] This last one is from 1987.

[31:25] Oh, fuck.

[31:27] That's so deep.

[31:28] I doubt.

[31:29] I think this is not.

[31:30] Is this the one that I'm thinking of?

[31:31] It's called Demon of Paradise.

[31:33] Oh, no.

[31:34] Because I'm thinking of Splash, Dan, a huge hit about an aquatic humanoid that came out

[31:38] in the 80s, an enormous movie about an aquatic humanoid.

[31:42] Look, I'm just going by what IMDB tagged as aquatic humanoid.

[31:48] It seems like it seems like that's a big, a big miss.

[31:52] I think that maybe there's a difference in the minds of the taxonomy makers at IMDB

[32:00] between mermaids and aquatic humanoids, because mermaids have a name, and that's mermaid.

[32:05] I guess that's true.

[32:06] Aquatic humanoids is just referring to.

[32:08] I just see Daryl Hannah going up to accept her aquatic humanoid, I guess, check and them

[32:15] saying, I'm sorry, you don't.

[32:16] This doesn't apply to you.

[32:18] You're a mermaid.

[32:19] Yeah, it doesn't count.

[32:20] Yeah.

[32:21] So there it goes.

[32:22] There goes my thinking that you were saving the biggest movie for last and that it would

[32:25] turn out to be a splash.

[32:26] Huge hit.

[32:27] Enormous.

[32:28] I think for kids today, it's hard to it's hard to tell how much this movie about a guy

[32:33] who basically, how would you say it?

[32:36] Like like traps a mermaid into loving him.

[32:40] Yeah.

[32:41] Like how how huge a movie this was.

[32:42] Yeah.

[32:43] Well, and particularly speaking of Mr. Skin for a young Dan who remembers Daryl Hannah's

[32:48] butt as she walks on to Liberty Island.

[32:51] Now, this is my hair on.

[32:53] Yeah.

[32:54] Yeah.

[32:55] On Disney Plus.

[32:56] Disney Plus puts a mixture of digital hair over that shit.

[32:58] That's wild, man.

[32:59] So you wait.

[33:00] Yes.

[33:01] Did they her hair hangs over it or they just gave her a really hairy butt?

[33:04] That's actually a good question.

[33:05] Sound longer than it previously did.

[33:08] They're like when when Roy Disney, I guess, I think he's since passed.

[33:12] But when he when he bought these movies, he goes, Hans, got to shoot second.

[33:16] Dorito has to shoot first.

[33:18] And also, we cannot see Daryl Hannah's butt anymore.

[33:21] We got to cover it up.

[33:22] Possible.

[33:23] The most important corrections.

[33:25] People have been pointing out that like Disney Plus is going to have fucking Deadpool soon.

[33:31] It's already there.

[33:32] It was so weird to turn on to go to Disney Plus and to have on the front page Deadpool

[33:37] Deadpool two.

[33:38] I was like, that's nuts.

[33:39] And you're like, kids, kids, let's watch this shit.

[33:44] I know how you'll be sick of Ryan railed soon.

[33:47] So let's just get this shit out of your system.

[33:49] I know how much you love breaking the fourth wall, but the but that's crazy.

[33:55] So, yeah, Dan, so that's 1984.

[33:58] How old were you in 1984 when when Splash came out?

[34:02] I would have been six.

[34:03] OK, so is this the origin story for your interest in butts?

[34:07] Could it be?

[34:08] I mean, by the time it got to, you know, like, so either that or Donald Sutherland, an animal

[34:12] I probably would have been eight.

[34:14] It's possible.

[34:15] It's possible.

[34:16] This is the origin story.

[34:17] Yeah.

[34:18] It was Donald Sutherland reaching for a sandwich or whatever it is covered.

[34:23] OK, anyway, Demon of Paradise.

[34:29] OK, now this film, not Splash, not not Splash at all.

[34:34] Wait, wait, wait.

[34:35] So similar to describe the plot.

[34:37] It might actually be Splash.

[34:38] OK.

[34:39] OK.

[34:40] Tom Hanks in it.

[34:41] The plot of this is that there is a lake monster called Akua or Kua.

[34:50] And despite rituals performed by fire twirling women that are meant to appease this monster,

[34:58] dynamite fishing wakes this lake monster up and it preys on tourists at a nearby resort.

[35:06] And now this film is set in Hawaii, but it was shot in the Philippines where a lot of

[35:12] exploitation films were shot.

[35:14] There's a great documentary called Machete Maidens Unleashed about all of the the low

[35:22] budget sleaze shot in the Philippines.

[35:26] And this one is from prolific Filipino director Ciro Santiago, who has 100 directing credits

[35:34] Wow.

[35:35] Including the films Angel Fist, Caged Heat 2 and Vampire Hookers.

[35:43] And I like that you think it's the title is going to be Vampire Hunters and then it takes

[35:47] an abrupt swerve.

[35:48] I know the sound the trailer looks pretty entertaining.

[35:52] I got to say, I not a movie again I've seen, but a worthy end to the aquatic 80s.

[36:02] Sure.

[36:03] Moving into the dry 90s.

[36:07] I mean, it's not like it's funny.

[36:08] Yeah, it's right.

[36:09] Why 90s is pretty dry.

[36:10] It's like they didn't release any movies about water.

[36:11] There certainly wasn't a movie about a water world in the entire world of water.

[36:15] Well, that killed it.

[36:16] A huge world of water and of course, water in movies afterwards.

[36:21] And the abyss is not on this list where there's a humanoid kind of face made out of water

[36:26] that's not enough for them.

[36:28] Not an 80s movie.

[36:30] Number one.

[36:31] Wow.

[36:33] Not humanoid.

[36:34] That's 90s.

[36:35] That's early 90s.

[36:36] Ed Harris, if you're listening, write in and tell us when your movie came out.

[36:41] And by 1989, Dan, it came in just, it came in just under wire 1989 for the abyss.

[36:48] So I guess you owe a apology to Ed Harris.

[36:54] I mean, I guess I would not call any of those creatures humanoid.

[36:57] Maybe when the water takes on, uh, Mary Elizabeth, master Antonio's face, but that water is not

[37:04] the creature is just being controlled by the creature.

[37:07] Okay.

[37:08] Okay.

[37:09] That's a good point.

[37:11] I apologize.

[37:12] And I owe an apology to Ed Harris too.

[37:13] Uh, and also to, uh, also to James Cameron, whose new Avatar movie is all about water.

[37:17] So it looks like wet is back.

[37:20] Is that the subtitle?

[37:21] It's Avatar 2 all about water.

[37:23] It's called they're wet this time.

[37:26] It's called Avatar 2 wet enough for you.

[37:29] Uh, so I, you know, before we leave the aquatic eighties, I just want to ask the question

[37:36] that really, I think these movies puts in, in, in the mind, which is why are fish men

[37:42] so horny?

[37:43] Ooh, good question.

[37:46] Throughout history, even going back to the, the original fish man, the creature from the

[37:51] black.

[37:52] Yeah.

[37:53] He is also, yeah.

[37:54] Very horny as a, as a group.

[37:56] My younger, my younger son loves the creature from the black lagoon.

[37:59] He has a little stuffed creature from the black loon.

[38:01] He talks about him all the time.

[38:02] He was very upset when he found out there's no Abbott and Costello meet the creature from

[38:05] the black lagoon.

[38:06] Uh, and we've talked about writing a spec screenplay of that, which I hope to someday

[38:10] share with the flop house listeners if they're interested, uh, that hopefully my four year

[38:14] old and I can put together.

[38:16] But yeah, it's hard for me.

[38:17] He tells me, he asked me to tell him the story of the creature from my lagoon.

[38:20] And it's hard for me to do it since it's in a kid way, since basically about a monster

[38:24] who kidnaps a woman, uh, like, yeah, why, why are these aquatic humanoids always so,

[38:30] so, um, you know, uh, what's the word you would, I'm trying to look for a word that's

[38:34] not rapey guys.

[38:36] What's a word that would, would describe, well, uh, bad, uh, maybe we don't want to

[38:42] trip down, trip down fish lane.

[38:47] It is.

[38:48] It is a good question.

[38:49] Fishermen are so horny, uh, normally, uh, fish don't strike me as overly horny creatures.

[38:57] No.

[38:58] I mean, there is the happy man.

[39:00] There's the happy fish we've talked about before.

[39:03] The fish that seems to be interested in sucking the dick of someone.

[39:08] The real question is why is the fisherman fishing without pants on?

[39:11] Cause from the water up, he's wearing a shirt and a fishing vest and from the water down,

[39:15] there's nothing.

[39:16] So that's the, I mean, I think we know why.

[39:19] It's so he gets a blowjob.

[39:22] That's okay.

[39:23] Fair.

[39:24] But it's also strange considering most fish don't have sex that the, as far as I know,

[39:28] the female fish just puts her eggs down and the male fish, when the female is not looking,

[39:32] I guess when she goes to answer the door, he runs over and sprays his sperm all over

[39:36] it and then laughs to himself and runs away.

[39:39] So it doesn't really make any sense at all.

[39:42] So yeah, I don't, I don't understand that.

[39:44] So if you're an ichthyologist, write in.

[39:48] It's clear that the fish is more interested in the fisherman's pleasure than its own sort

[39:54] of enjoyment.

[39:55] Right.

[39:56] Yeah.

[39:57] Or that it, it does think that his penis is some kind of worm.

[40:00] and that it's a strange worm and that it has to be filleted in order to consume.

[40:07] The fish is like, I shouldn't eat this one, I'll just put my mouth on it and swim back and forth for a while.

[40:15] Well, right in. Or don't, please.

[40:20] Right into, did we jump the shark, courtesy of the Flophouse, and tell us, did we jump the shark and was that shark horny?

[40:26] This episode has raised a lot of questions. We're going to have a week to think about it.

[40:31] We'll bring this conversation up again next time here at the Flophouse.

[40:35] No, I don't think we will.

[40:37] We'll bury this episode in the desert near the E.T. cartridges that are out there.

[40:45] Anyway, hey, normally there's less alarming stuff that we do here on the podcast.

[40:53] We should mention, by the way, if you're listening to this episode with children, please, please don't.

[40:57] Please stop.

[41:00] Please take them to get their memory wiped at the Eternal Sunshine.

[41:06] Get the MIBs to flash them in the eyeballs.

[41:10] At your local brain scan booth.

[41:14] But thank you all for listening. Thank you for bearing with us.

[41:18] This is a strange concept that I came up with today when I was like, oh, shit, it's my turn.

[41:23] And there are a lot of other great shows on the network.

[41:27] Better planned out than this one.

[41:30] Check them out at MaximumFun.org.

[41:33] If for some reason you still like us, let people know about the show.

[41:38] Recommend it to people.

[41:41] Recommend a different episode, though.

[41:44] We need Alex Smith, who's going to make something listable out of all this hash.

[41:49] He's going to spend gold out of this garbage.

[41:53] And in return, we owe him a baby.

[41:56] I know that usually Dan has one or two things that he tells Alex to take out.

[42:03] I want to see the list that Dan puts together for this one.

[42:07] Yeah.

[42:09] The David O. Selznick style 50 page memo about this episode.

[42:13] For the Flophouse, I have been Dan McCoy.

[42:18] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[42:20] And I'm ashamed that I'm also Elliot Kalin.

[42:23] Bye.

[42:34] Let me actually start this.

[42:37] Why did I squeal so loudly?

[42:41] I think that has to be the way the episode starts is with Dan saying, let's start this thing.

[42:47] Like he's auditioning to replace David Lee Roth.

[42:51] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[42:53] Danny Lee Roth.

[42:55] Hey, everyone.

[42:57] You've just heard me scream because it's time for the Flophouse.

[43:01] I'm Dan McCoy.

[43:03] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[43:05] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[43:07] The stated mission for this show is to watch a critical or commercial flop and then talk about it.

[43:13] But on our off weeks.

[43:15] And yes, yes, occasionally discuss Topeka Kansas.

[43:18] We do Flophouse minis, which are a little more freeform.

[43:22] And sorry to interrupt, but every once in a while we also talk about a good movie like Tango and Cash or the movie Cats.

[43:29] That's true.

[43:31] Thank you for that important clarification.

[43:34] Now how would we handle if there was a movie called Tango and Cats where Ray Tango, the hottest cop on the force, has to team up with some cats to take down Cat Palance because Jack Palance has been reincarnated as a cat after being blown up in Tango and Cash.

[43:46] I can't imagine Cat Palance would like this situation very much since those cats and Ray Tango would take his money.

[43:52] Sometimes I wonder why we don't seem to, like, grow our audience any further past where we're at.

[43:59] That's a good question.

[44:01] Every episode starts with multiple interruptions before we get to the gist of what we're doing.

[44:08] Already getting hot. I love it.

[44:10] I'm sure it certainly doesn't help.

[44:12] That being said, hey Dan, so another thing I was wondering, just kidding.

[44:16] Allow me to explain.

[44:19] By the time you hear this episode of the show.

[44:22] We will all be dead.

[44:25] And you have to solve the mystery.

[44:28] That's what I've cooked up.

[44:30] Maximumfun.org

[44:32] Comedy and culture.

[44:34] Artist owned. Audience supported.

FH Min 61 - Aquatic 80's

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