FH Mini 70 - Xmas Movies?

[0:00] Welcome, everybody.

[0:06] Thank you so much for joining us today with your ears on The Flophouse.

[0:10] This is The Flophouse Podcast.

[0:12] My name, of course, is Elliot Kalin.

[0:14] I say, of course, because my voice has become legendary in its shrillness and unpleasantness

[0:19] to our legions of Flophouse listeners.

[0:21] I want to also apologize before I introduce my co-hosts.

[0:23] I'm recording in my in-law's garage, so you may hear their heater turn on and off at various

[0:29] points during the episode.

[0:30] Just a little bit of audio texture.

[0:32] Let's consider it kind of real life, just scene setting, as if this was being recorded

[0:36] outside and you could hear birds chirping, except it's the heater turning on and off.

[0:41] I'm joined, of course, by my regular co-hosts.

[0:43] They're with us every week, in and out, at The Flophouse.

[0:47] One of them is me, Dan McCoy, and I will say, as I always do, my ears are with you.

[0:52] I'm sure.

[0:54] You always say that.

[0:55] Classic catch-all.

[0:56] I'm sick of hearing it.

[0:58] And I am Stuart Wellington, and I'm very excited because Elliot is getting into the spirit

[1:04] of the season.

[1:05] The reason for the year.

[1:07] That's right.

[1:08] He is hanging out in a garage.

[1:09] The reason for the whole year?

[1:10] The reason for the whole year.

[1:11] The whole year is for Elliot to get bundled up in a garage where he is colder than I am,

[1:16] because normally he's much hotter than I am.

[1:19] Yes.

[1:20] Well, I mean, physically, Stuart is much hotter than I am, but temperature-wise.

[1:23] I am incendiary.

[1:24] It's true.

[1:25] Yeah.

[1:26] Since I live in...

[1:27] Don't...

[1:28] Dan, you don't need to talk about how much less attractive I am.

[1:29] What?

[1:30] No, no, no.

[1:31] That's not what I was gonna...

[1:32] We established it.

[1:33] We established it.

[1:34] But usually, I'm in California.

[1:35] He's in New York.

[1:36] So, usually, my winter temperatures, if they get into the low 60s, then I'm like, ooh,

[1:38] gotta bundle up.

[1:39] Oh, time to put on a second pair of cargo shorts.

[1:42] I gotta put on a second coat of sunblock because it's so cold out.

[1:48] But, no.

[1:49] It's the other way around this time.

[1:50] Okay, everybody.

[1:51] No, it solved...

[1:52] Totally in the flop.

[1:53] It solved what I was trying to say, not anything about your attractiveness vis-a-vis one another.

[1:58] I was trying to say that it did solve a Zoom mystery where I was like, it looks like Ellie's

[2:03] in a different garage.

[2:05] But you know what?

[2:06] Most garages look pretty much like one another, and the garage is usually dark.

[2:11] Perhaps that's the same garage.

[2:12] But the fact that you're in what appears to be a different garage and is indeed a different

[2:16] garage and wearing a puffy jacket, which you're not wearing when you're in LA, tells me, of

[2:21] course, he's with the in-laws in more northern California than he normally is.

[2:27] I'm glad, Dan, that you could take us through that Sherlockian chain of deduction.

[2:32] It was as relevant to the listeners as it was exciting.

[2:37] Columbo McCoy over here.

[2:40] I didn't realize Hercule Dan Rowe had shown up to this Flophouse Mini.

[2:44] Dave didn't even point out the reoccurring part of Elliott's garages is that they all

[2:49] have studio lighting, clearly.

[2:51] They have a single, like, bear bulb above and behind your head.

[2:56] It's a garage.

[2:57] I'm sorry that in a car full of luggage and Hanukkah presents, I didn't also pack my ring

[3:02] light.

[3:03] I'm just saying that it doesn't need to look like you're having your fingernails ripped

[3:08] out one by one by someone's desktop screen.

[3:12] Once Elliott starts investing in eye cream, face cream, body cream, all the creams, then

[3:19] you really are going to want to make sure you have that ring light on you, buddy.

[3:22] Hey, there's only one cream we're going to be talking about today, and that's Creamsmith's.

[3:26] That's right.

[3:27] The holiday of the year.

[3:28] I may have pronounced it wrong.

[3:29] Normally on the Flophouse, we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[3:32] This is one of our mini episodes on the alternate weeks.

[3:35] We just do whatever we feel like because it's a free country for the time being for certain

[3:39] people at certain economic and also racial levels.

[3:43] You're quoting the movie The Patriot, right?

[3:47] I think so.

[3:48] Yeah.

[3:49] The Patriot, he goes, it's a free country for the time being.

[3:52] And people are like, well, no, it's not a free country yet.

[3:54] We're still subjects of the royal crown.

[3:57] But historically in context, we're actually freer than most colonial subjects in the world

[4:01] over and in some ways have more say in our local governments than actual British citizens

[4:06] in the United Kingdom.

[4:07] And then people are like, can we just get to the part where you're mad at your son and

[4:10] your metal figurines to make bullets?

[4:13] You're arguing on behalf of the crown in this situation.

[4:17] I mean, as a character, I seem as played by Tom Wilkinson.

[4:21] Yeah.

[4:24] Everyone who's seen The Patriot, you may have forgotten that the crown comes to life and

[4:27] goes to America to engage in a debate.

[4:29] He morphs into Tom Wilkinson.

[4:31] And then when Mel Gibson defeats him in the debate, he turns back into a crown going,

[4:35] no, double morph.

[4:38] Yeah. Yeah.

[4:39] Anyway, this is a mini.

[4:41] And guess what? We've talked about it.

[4:43] It's Christmas time.

[4:44] And that's the time when people have the same debate about Christmas movies.

[4:49] You may hear it. There's that heater that went on.

[4:51] They have the same debate about Christmas movies that we have every year because Christmas

[4:55] is about nothing if it's not about having the same arguments year after year after year

[5:00] with the same people. So Christmas movies.

[5:02] Let's just do a quick primer on them.

[5:04] They're movies that are some way about Christmas.

[5:06] It's a whole genre of its own.

[5:08] I was wondering, Dan, Sue, to you, what makes a movie a Christmas movie?

[5:14] If Christmas plays a significant part in the plot of the film.

[5:22] OK. In some way.

[5:24] So The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Christmas movie.

[5:26] I would allow it being a Christmas movie.

[5:28] Well, I mean, like, for instance, not to get ahead of ourselves.

[5:31] Because some people would call that an Easter movie because the Easter bunny appears in

[5:35] one scene.

[5:36] Well, you ask critters to you ask us to think not to get ahead of ourselves.

[5:42] I'm sure you'll get. Let's I don't know.

[5:43] Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I have an introduction set up and everything.

[5:46] OK, well, I'm going to say that a long, terrible definition.

[5:51] My definition is it has Christmas or Xmas in the title.

[5:55] OK, now what if it's called like Triple Xmas, State of the Union?

[5:59] And it's about it just happens to be about Christmas.

[6:03] It's a Christmas movie.

[6:04] OK, so if that's the case, tell me your quintessential Christmas movie.

[6:07] What's a movie where you're like, it's Christmas.

[6:09] I don't experience Christmas.

[6:11] Let me watch a Christmas movie.

[6:13] What's the Christmas movie you gravitate towards in your Christmassy lives?

[6:18] I mean, the I mean, the true answer is not actually as Christmassy a movie, as people

[6:23] say, it's it's a wonderful life, which ends with, you know, I guess it's New Year's

[6:30] actually. But like the it's a I guess it's Christmas.

[6:34] I don't know. They sing All Lake Side, which confuses the whole thing.

[6:36] Because that's but but it's well, I know just a peek behind the curtain earlier today.

[6:41] Dan was was live texting us about watching Spawn.

[6:45] So I assume that's a Christmas movie you want to do again and again.

[6:48] Christmas film, the original Spawn starring was it Michael Jai White?

[6:52] And yes, yes.

[6:54] And Martin Sheen Christmassy is all get out.

[6:58] But no, no, it's a wonderful life is a film that became a Christmas movie through falling

[7:04] into the public domain and being played by every outlet that could play it at Christmas.

[7:11] And I think it's a superior film to other Christmas films that are more Christmassy.

[7:16] So it's my Christmas pick.

[7:17] But I see Stuart's hand up.

[7:18] But I want to say that probably if there's a quintessential Christmas classic that I

[7:23] would watch, it's more of a Miracle on 34th Street area, even though I like that's about

[7:29] Santa Claus, about Santa Claus, even though I like it's one of life better.

[7:31] So Stuart, what's your what were you going to say to Dan and also what's your quintessential

[7:35] Christmas movie?

[7:36] OK, so just one follow up question about Dan's Dan's choice is Al Simmons in It's a Wonderful

[7:43] Life.

[7:44] I don't know who that is.

[7:47] Dan, Dan, does anyone just watch the movie?

[7:50] You just not since he couldn't remember if Jackie Chan was in a film.

[7:55] Is that the real name of Spawn?

[7:58] That's Spawn's name.

[7:59] Al Simmons.

[8:00] How much time is he referred to as that?

[8:04] Like he's not a faint like it's not a faint it's not Peter fucking Parker.

[8:08] It's not a famous, you know, secret identity.

[8:11] It is to the Spawn heads out there.

[8:13] Yeah.

[8:14] Tell me how many times in It's a Wonderful Life does John Leguizamo's head turn into

[8:17] a balloon?

[8:18] Zero times.

[8:19] So I guess you're right.

[8:22] On that scale, Spawn is a superior film.

[8:24] At one point.

[8:25] I mean, the thing is, if It's a Wonderful Life had been able to play out the way that

[8:28] it would have without Clarence the Angel intervening, George Bailey would have been dragged to hell

[8:32] just like Al Simmons is and would have had to make a deal with Malbolgia.

[8:35] So he would have shown back up with a fuckload of cool change.

[8:39] Yeah, you know it.

[8:41] Oh, man.

[8:42] OK, so I'm going to I think my answer is it goes against my original point, which was

[8:50] that it has to have Christmas or Xmas in the title.

[8:55] I would say I take literally no pride or joy in saying this.

[9:00] It's probably something like Love Actually.

[9:03] OK, which is I've never seen it, but I know it's set during Christmas.

[9:06] I know it's a movie that the culture took a real hard turn on at a certain point.

[9:11] And having never seen it, I don't know exactly why.

[9:15] No, it's one of those movies that's that is terrible.

[9:18] But the terribleness is inseparable from what's wonderful about it as well.

[9:22] Yeah.

[9:23] OK, OK.

[9:24] So kind of like kind of like Masters of the Universe that way.

[9:26] OK, makes sense.

[9:27] OK, so Christmas, there's Christmas movies.

[9:30] It's just one genre of movies or is it?

[9:32] Christmas is such an omnipresent piece of Western civilization as someone who is being

[9:37] assaulted by it constantly this time of year, day in, day out, that even the movies that

[9:43] are not Christmas movies often have scenes or aspects of them that involve Christmas.

[9:48] And that's why we're entering a little special episode of the minis.

[9:51] I'm calling this episode.

[9:52] You'll got another thing coming when we're going to be talking about movies that aren't

[9:57] Christmas movies.

[9:58] Or are they?

[10:00] Christmas scenes. And of course, you all got another thing coming as the title

[10:03] would tell you is brought to you by Celestial, the Rob Halford Christmas

[10:06] album. Rob Halford and his family and friends have come together to sing their

[10:09] favorite Christmas songs with a little bit of that Judas Priest spirit. It's

[10:13] also brought to you by Elf on a Shelf, the holiday decoration that brings you

[10:16] all the magical, whimsical fun of living under the watchful eye of the Gestapo.

[10:19] Maybe Santa's gonna round up your kids for being naughty and send them on a

[10:24] train somewhere. Elf on a Shelf, don't get one. It's creepy. Don't do it.

[10:28] Is it because you just shouldn't... people don't like having a Legolas on

[10:34] their shelf? I mean, if the elf you're getting on your shelf is Legolas, he can

[10:38] help you take down a rampaging elephant. That's not the worst thing to have on

[10:41] your shelf. Yeah, the Timothy Oliphant. Rampaging. He's rampaging, yeah. Maybe he's one of the crazies, who knows.

[10:49] Yeah, and so here's how we're gonna do this. This is not a game. There's no

[10:53] points. This is a debate episode. This is a public... the Flophouse, like all

[10:58] broadcasting, has to have a certain amount of civic public affairs and

[11:02] public service information, and so that's what this is. Or else we wouldn't get public

[11:06] funding, you know. Exactly. This is a civil... that's right, and I should mention the

[11:10] Flophouse is brought to you by listeners like you, which is actually true.

[11:13] We're going to have a civil debate today. I'm gonna name some movies. You

[11:17] tell me how Christmassy you think they are on a scale of 10, meaning it's

[11:22] Christmas. Oh no, get the... block up the chimney. Santa's breaking and entering.

[11:27] He's trying to steal our cookies. On a scale from that to zero, meaning Jewish,

[11:31] not Christmas. Don't bother me about it, thank you. And so, guys, you ready to talk

[11:36] about some movies that may or may not be Christmas movies? Let's do it. Why not? Okay, so the

[11:41] first one, I think this has the potential to be either an easy call or a

[11:45] controversial one. That's Gremlins. That's right, Gremlins from 1984, directed by Joe

[11:51] Dante. We all know Gremlins, whereas I'm calling it Gremlings, because Gremlins,

[11:55] it's not just the thing you watch, it's the thing you do. You Gremlin. You Greml.

[11:58] It's a lifestyle choice. Always been on Greml. It opens with a Christmas song. It's set

[12:04] on Christmas. It's about someone getting a Christmas present that goes horribly

[12:08] wrong, which is also kind of the plot of a Christmas story, is Gremlins. You

[12:12] consider it a Christmas movie or a not Christmas movie? Where is it on the scale?

[12:15] This is what I wanted to say earlier that you wisely cut me off of, which was

[12:19] you told us to think about movies that were not Christmas movies, but were

[12:24] Christmas movies, and I didn't even, I was like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna put

[12:29] Gremlins on my internal list, because it is so apparently a Christmas movie. It's a

[12:35] movie about a present that is received on Christmas, gizmo, Santa hat. No, no, that's the

[12:44] thing is, I don't see this movie on lists of Christmas movies often, and I would

[12:47] agree, there's a shit ton of Christmas in it. Yeah, the Gremlins wear Santa caps, there's the big,

[12:52] of course, Phoebe Cates speech about learning that there's no Santa Claus. One of the

[12:58] number one horror movie monologues, only recently trumped this year by two amazing

[13:04] horror movie monologues. And what were those, what were those monologues that finally defeat the

[13:08] Phoebe Cates, my dad died on Christmas in a chimney speech? The Rebecca Hall

[13:12] wild story one from Resurrection that she tells her intern. That's a good one. And

[13:18] then, and the, the, the Pearl monologue as well by Mia Goth, who is the best. Yeah. So,

[13:24] that's, I think, there's also like, this is the movie where I first heard the song

[13:28] Do You Hear What I Hear, which is a, you know, a Christmas, a modern Christmas

[13:31] carol type song, so I would agree with you. Stuart, do you agree, is Gremlins just

[13:35] an out-and-out Christmas movie? Uh-huh, absolutely, just like, just, just like

[13:41] Gremlins 2 is New Year's Eve. I mean, Gremlins 2 is a different genre of movie,

[13:48] which is New York sequel movies. Don't worry, there might be one of those popping up later

[13:52] in the episode. Okay, so Gremlins, we set that aside. This one might be a little bit harder.

[13:56] This is Batman Returns from 1992, also set during Christmas, a lot of Christmassy stuff. We get,

[14:03] Batman gets into the Christmas spirit by just shooting people from his car earlier in. He's

[14:09] just shooting clowns, and he doesn't know which ones are evil clowns and which ones are just

[14:14] regular Christmas clowns. Is this a Christmas movie, Batman Returns? Ooh, this one's a toughy.

[14:20] I, you know, I'm putting this on, you know, I'll put this around a six on the Christmas scale.

[14:26] There's a lot of, okay, Christmas iconography in it. Okay, so six, so a six would be, it's

[14:32] Thanksgiving, and they're already playing the Christmas music? Yeah. There's a, there's a big

[14:37] plot point about lighting Gotham City's Christmas tree, and the Christmas tree lighting gal getting

[14:47] tossed off the roof, horrifying. Yeah, I, you know, this is, this is Christmassy enough, I would say.

[14:54] Okay, Christmassy enough. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say this is a seven, so slightly more

[14:58] Christmassy than Dan. Okay, okay, slightly more Christmassy. There's the, I mean, there's, there's

[15:03] something about, like, all the scenes are, you know, all the outdoor scenes are snowy, including,

[15:08] you know, flashbacks when Oswald Cobblepot gets chucked in the river, and there's the sequence

[15:13] where Catwoman is running around the department store, which is a very Christmassy thing to me.

[15:18] Yep. Yeah, I would say, I would say slightly more Christmassy, but definitely a Christmassy movie.

[15:24] Okay, Christmassy movie. So it's not a, this is not in the genre of Christmas movies, but in the

[15:28] genre of Christmassy movies. Yeah. Okay, yeah, that makes sense, I can see that. Okay, this one,

[15:33] here's a question I have for you. Okay, this is from 1995, so this is a few years, three years

[15:38] after Batman Returns. Wow, I was 15 years old, probably wearing pants way too big for me,

[15:43] probably wearing an Alice in Chains t-shirt. And Dan, what about you? Where were you in 1995?

[15:48] We all remember where we were in 1995. Well, what would that, I would be a junior in high school,

[15:57] you know, I would be hanging out with people like Stuart who are wearing Alice in Chains shirts,

[16:03] but I would be like the nerdy friend. What kind of shirt would you be wearing?

[16:08] Uh, like, it would be like a sweatshirt of Bart Simpson, you know, given like the peace sign.

[16:14] Now, is that a licensed shirt, or is that the kind of bootleg shirt my dad would buy for me?

[16:19] No, I think that would be like sort of a first or second wave licensed piece of merchandise.

[16:25] Okay, so not the ones my dad would get me where the characters were all colored wrong,

[16:29] and the kids at school would be like, that's not what Bart's shirt looks like, and I'd be like,

[16:32] it's on the shirt, deal with it. But your dad could be, if he had held onto those,

[16:37] he could sell those right now for so much money. Man, we'd put them in a gallery, that's outsider

[16:41] art. Yeah, we had, my dad bought us so much knockoff t-shirts, Ninja Turtle stuff, and I

[16:47] remember the day, I call it the day the t-shirts went away, when my dad came home from work and

[16:52] we said, did you get any t-shirts? And he goes, all they have is Homie the Clown stuff, I'm not

[16:55] gonna buy you that. And so I said, all right, we won't have any novelty t-shirts featuring the

[17:01] in-living-color-recurring-character, Homie the Clown. And I don't wish I had that one,

[17:10] but there are novelty shirts that I wish I had bought. Right after Obama was inaugurated,

[17:14] there were some amazing novelty shirts for sale on the streets of New York. One where Obama

[17:19] was Michael Jordan slammed on basketball with a Superman costume on, and one where it was the

[17:24] entire Obama family all as Jedi, and I so wish I had bought that shirt. Oh man, it was amazing.

[17:31] Okay guys, so this movie, it's 1995, let's get back to the topic at hand. This isn't the mini

[17:35] where we talk about novelty t-shirts, although that's a great idea for a minute. Although we

[17:38] did do that mini, I guess for regular listeners, Dan did subject us to descriptions of enormous

[17:42] Johnson shirts. So let's go back to, this is 1995, the movie is While You Were Sleeping,

[17:52] which starts on Christmas Day. The plot is kicked off because Sandra Bullock is the only

[17:57] token collector at the Chicago Elle working on Christmas because she doesn't have a family.

[18:03] So is this a Christmassy movie or not? It's all about finding a family and love and stuff like

[18:07] that. What do you think? And it's also about lying to people, which is what Christmas is

[18:12] all about, lying to children. Yeah, it is. I'm gonna give this a four on the Christmas scale,

[18:18] I'll tell you why. Okay, so a four is, yeah, it's February, but I'll drink this eggnog.

[18:23] Yeah, I've definitely seen this movie within the last couple of years because it's one of

[18:30] Audrey's sentimental favorites, but even so, I didn't necessarily remember that took place at

[18:36] Christmas specifically. I remembered it just as a winter movie with snow around. And so it's a four,

[18:44] but if there's no Christmas specifics in my mind, I don't think I can go higher than that.

[18:49] Is Bill Pullman in this one? Yes, Bill Pullman is the romantic lead in the movie.

[18:55] Is he playing the president who defeats the Independence Day aliens?

[18:58] No, he's, well, I don't know. Wait, let's hold on, let's think about it.

[19:03] It's like a furniture store or something? But it could be the same character, I don't know.

[19:08] Yeah, he's the brother of Peter Gallagher, I know that.

[19:13] Oh, wow. For once, Peter Gallagher's the Baxter, Stuart.

[19:18] Oh, wow, Peter, wait, Peter Gallagher plays his brother. I guess the eyebrows are not an inherited

[19:23] feature. Yeah. No, it's on the, that's a recessive gene. Yeah, yeah.

[19:28] Yeah. So, so, Stuart, does that affect you?

[19:33] Kind of, because honestly, I've never seen it. So I know, I know. I feel like romantic

[19:40] comedies in general are a blink spot of mine that I've been working my way, I've been trying to fix

[19:47] the last couple of years. While you were sleeping, it's one of those movie that's like,

[19:50] it's not a great movie, but it's not a bad movie. You know, it's pretty good movie. Yeah.

[19:54] It's it does exactly what a romantic comedy is supposed to do without any twists or turns.

[20:00] the fact that she lies about being engaged to a man in a coma but other than that you know.

[20:04] The leads are likable it's got a colorful supporting cast of character actors you know

[20:09] you've learned to love over the years Stuart. What do I have to do to put you in while you're

[20:16] sleeping tonight? Oh man I don't know I need you to sweeten the pot a little bit I mean

[20:24] if I go home with just this information I'm going to look like an asshole.

[20:28] You know what I'll give you some undercoating for that rom-com.

[20:33] I'm gonna take a moment I had forgotten that Glynnis Johns was in the supporting cast and

[20:37] I just to mention still alive at the age of 99 she is the oldest surviving Disney legend and also

[20:44] our last living link to classic star Hollywood now that Olivia de Havilland has gone to that

[20:50] great studio system that she's suing in the sky. So Glynnis Johns thank you for all the years of

[20:55] laughter and tears I guess including while you were sleeping. I will say sleeping not the most

[21:00] accurate to pick description of a coma but you know that's they can do that it's whimsical.

[21:05] Okay here's this before we go to a break I'm gonna bring up one last movie before we in the

[21:11] first half of this episode. Now this is a movie Dan I know knows well Stuart I don't know you've

[21:16] seen it this is The Silent Partner a movie which gets a lot of mileage out of Christopher Plummer

[21:22] in a Santa Claus costume so it is taking place around Christmas but it is also a heist movie

[21:30] with a lot of suspense in it and one incredibly gruesome murder and some actually surprisingly

[21:38] very thrilling sex scenes. So Dan The Silent Partner is this a Christmas movie to you?

[21:44] You know what I'm gonna also put this at a four because just like this is the this is the lowest

[21:49] score I probably would give something that has a Santa costume in it but remember like this is a

[21:56] movie that kind of gets its thrill out of how amoral it is and how even like our hero you know

[22:04] is amoral and we only like him because he is clever you know like that he's clever he's he

[22:12] saw an angle and we want to see whether he can get away with it uh so. He cares about his fish.

[22:17] Yeah. He cares about his fish too. Yeah but I if if you're looking for say uh on earth peace

[22:23] goodwill towards men that's not what you're gonna get out of Silent Partner. No yeah there's no

[22:28] goodwill towards anybody in it uh Stuart have you ever seen The Silent Partner? I have not uh

[22:32] I'm just waiting for you to pick some normal movies like Christmas with the Cranks a movie

[22:40] this is a Christmas movie.

[22:48] So that's so Stuart I would I think you'd like this movie I think you should you should I mean

[22:52] sounds good yeah yeah uh so there's there's this it is it shows you Christopher Plummer

[22:57] yelling at someone through a mail slot in a door should not be as scary as it is in this movie

[23:02] uh or I guess he's just talking to them through the mail slot but before we get to some more

[23:06] Christmas-ish movies let's take a brief break to talk about our sponsors. Dan do we have some

[23:13] sponsors we should talk about on today's episode of The Flophouse entitled Yule Got Another Thing

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[26:05] off during the description earlier what the episode is about we're talking about whether

[26:09] movies with some christmas elements are christmas movies or not and we're entering a mini segment in

[26:16] this larger segment this is called dance of the sequel plum berries we're going to talk about

[26:21] some movie sequels that have some christmas elements are they christmas movies guys we're

[26:26] staying in the 90s for the first part this is a movie from 1992 or as many people call it me

[26:31] included uh one bjp one before jurassic park uh now guys this might be an easy call also home

[26:39] alone 2 lost in new york it takes place during christmas there's a big christmas tree and stuff

[26:43] the family's on a christmas vacation or whatever but is it really a christmas movie when there's

[26:49] no is there a santa in it i don't remember because i couldn't bear to watch it again uh if

[26:54] i watched any of these movies in this episode you only just watch uh you only just watched the

[26:59] donald trump cameo on youtube right yeah i just i just want to watch i just want to watch the

[27:04] the footage to to imagine a time when i merely disliked the man and didn't consider him one of

[27:09] the worst people in the history of the world uh i mean i feel like you can't you can't spell

[27:17] christmas without home alone so lost in new york that's actually a good point uh i'm gonna say 10

[27:26] out of 10 christmas movie okay so this takes place during christmas it's all of the events occur

[27:33] because of christmas and i think i watched home alone 2 lost in new york once when it was first

[27:41] on hbo after its first run years ago um i didn't stay up late at night he saw that the movie

[27:49] contained uh what nudity and sexual situations adult situations i had misread the thing i waited

[27:56] for the whole movie disappointed he said oh home alone well with the cats away

[28:04] um lost in new york that's a that's a real pit of sin i wonder what might happen uh no i don't

[28:12] i don't actually care for uh original flavor home alone and i don't remember caring for

[28:17] home alone 2 anymore and i don't remember anything about it i did watch spawn tonight

[28:22] so if home alone 2 is anything like spawn i would say it's not it's not a movie in which

[28:28] a movie whose main character's name you have forgotten within an hour of having watched it

[28:32] so i'll give it a two okay a two even that wait a minute we're not

[28:42] okay uh so i will mention uh this is something i learned while looking it up on wikipedia

[28:46] home alone 2 is the last home alone movie to feature the cast of the first film however

[28:51] devin ratray reprised his role as buzz mccallister buzz mccallister in the sixth film of the franchise

[28:57] home sweet home alone i did not realize home sweet home alone came out last year 2021 i did

[29:03] not realize they were still making home alone movies uh and that and that actor was also in

[29:08] what blue ruin that year is that the case i think yeah i think the actor who played buzz was in

[29:15] fucking blue ruin which is amazing well that was back in 2013 that was back in 2013 okay still

[29:20] yeah i mean blue ruin is in some ways not that different from home alone i could see kevin

[29:24] mccallister which is why it's not a christmas movie

[29:33] it's not a christmas movie so this is so so these are so stewart's law of christmas movies if it has

[29:37] christmas or xmas in the title it's christmas movie dan's law of christmas movies if it's

[29:41] like blue ruin it's not a christmas fair blue ruin i don't think anyone would make an argument

[29:46] that that's a christmas movie so okay that's the first sequel in this segment uh dance of

[29:52] the sequel plum fairies the next sequel we'll be looking at as we're going up in numbers that

[29:56] was home alone 2 we're looking now at iron man 3 this is from

[30:00] 2013. Yes. The last of the Iron Man specific movies. Uh, it's kind of a controversial one

[30:05] in among Marvel fans and that he stops being Iron Man for much of the movie. Uh, and, and

[30:11] just gets into adventures. Yeah. That, uh, it is, it is, uh, as Shane Black as a climax

[30:17] can be considering it as a white guy and a black guy with guns at shipping docks shooting

[30:21] guys around piles of crates. And it takes place during Christmas and it takes place

[30:26] during Christmas, Shane Black's favorite time of the year. So guys, is this a Christmas

[30:32] movie or is it just a movie with Christmas in it? Well, Stuart sort of predicted what

[30:36] I was about to say, which is I, you know, normally I might give this say a six, there's

[30:41] a lot of Christmas, uh, stuff in it. Uh, mostly the form of, uh, colorful Christmas lights

[30:49] either strung around like, I don't know, uh, a bar or a sad kid's house. But we never

[30:56] see Iron Man with Christmas lights on him. No, it's true. We really feel like that would

[31:00] have tipped it over maybe even to cover of a comic book or perhaps poster for Iron Man

[31:06] three, just covered in smothered in Christmas lights. But, um, the, but it being a Shane

[31:11] Black movie and the slogan would say, this nice guy's a little naughty. Yup. Uh, it being

[31:16] a Shane Black movie though, kicks it up to an eight on the Christmas scale for me because

[31:20] Shane Black is Mr. Christmas as far as I'm concerned. Let me see the ranks. Oh, actually,

[31:25] you know what? On the ranking scale, eight just means Shane Black movie. Yeah. So you

[31:28] got it right. Yeah. It's true. Last Boy Scout, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. How many other ones have

[31:33] been nice guys? The lethal weapon. The first lethal weapon. Yeah. Uh, so Stuart, do you

[31:39] agree is Iron Man three purely by virtue of being a Shane Black movie, a Christmas movie?

[31:44] A hundred percent, Elliot. Of course I do. And it is the only film so far in the MCU,

[31:50] the Marvel Christmas universe. I get, I don't tell me about the guardians of the galaxy

[31:53] holiday special. That's clearly as labeled a holiday special, not a Christmas movie.

[31:58] Unless I'm wrong. Can you guys think of any other Christmas movies in the Marvel universe?

[32:02] Oh, Chris, I mean, well there's this guardians special. You just said it. I just talked to

[32:08] him. Yeah. I got it. I looked off and I'm glad you're barely listening to the episode

[32:12] in your ears on a seven second delay. That's how I live so much of my life. I, I, you know,

[32:17] I just like, Oh, you know, it just now processed what you said. The answer instead of no is

[32:23] yes. And, and, and don't, and of course, and of course we all remember black Passover,

[32:28] the black Panther Passover movie. That's also not Christmas, obviously. It's a completely

[32:33] different. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. That's Iron Man three. Okay guys, we're moving up one

[32:38] more step in sequel numbering. That's right. Rocky four from 1985. This is a, of course

[32:44] the greatest movie in the Rocky series because it is mostly made of montages and it opens

[32:48] with it and opens with an American boxing glove and a Russian boxing glove hitting each

[32:52] other and exploding. And it's the movie that posits that only an American like Sylvester

[32:59] Sloan could truly capture the Russian peasant spirit in winning a battle against a Russian

[33:04] man. And there's a whole scene that is just a performance of the song living in America

[33:10] with a giant goat head behind it for some reason. And there's a robot in it. Also, there's

[33:16] a robot. Okay. I've got worried that we'd be fucking, we would last eight hours because

[33:24] we wouldn't get on the thing that Stewart wanted to talk about. I think, I think there's

[33:34] a lot of things I wanted to get in before I talked about the robot that I'm sure Stewart,

[33:38] I knew wanted that. I could feel Stuart was getting to, uh, the, this, the robot that

[33:41] it's almost implied that Polly has a romantic relationship with, uh, guys, is this a Christmas

[33:47] movie? There's a little, the, the, the climactic fight between Rocky Balboa and Ivan Drago

[33:53] takes place on Christmas because you know, those dastardly commies, they don't even believe

[33:57] in God. They don't care about even the, even the most wonderful time of the year, work

[34:03] in factories and have boxing match. So, uh, which of course is also ridiculous since Russia

[34:08] is a deeply Christian country as seen by its current, uh, Orthodox embrace of, uh, anti

[34:13] LGBTQ, uh, politics. Uh, so guys, uh, is this a Christmas movie or not? Uh, I'm going to

[34:20] put it at a two again. Again, I remember that there's snow in it. Uh, but I think that's

[34:27] because they're in Russia. Yeah. So I don't specifically think of anything Christmasy.

[34:32] I remember it being hilarious, but I gotta admit it's been a long time since I've seen

[34:36] Rocky four. Oh, what a movie. I do. I forgot about this. I'm just thinking about now. I

[34:42] think the directors cut the release last year cuts the robot out. I know. Uh, proving once

[34:48] again, the directors don't always know what's best for their movies. Yeah. Yeah. True. Before

[34:54] we go move on, I want to apologize to anyone, any Christians out there who are not using

[34:58] their religious, the religious beliefs as a subtext for discriminating against people

[35:01] who are not like them. Not all Christians are against, uh, LGBTQ people and refuse to

[35:06] see the humanity in their neighbors. Merely many of the ones that live in Russia and in

[35:10] this United States and, uh, Vladimir Putin in particular. So anyway, Rocky four, not

[35:14] a Christmas movie. Uh, I will, I will agree with Dan. I'm going to, I'm going to go with

[35:19] like a two or three. Uh, although there's something about that robot that just makes

[35:23] me think of Christmas. You want your parents for Christmas. That's yeah. That's the thing.

[35:30] Is it the same robot that was on saved by the bell or am I getting two similar looking

[35:34] robots confused? Well, didn't screech the one from saved by the bell. You know, screech

[35:40] supposedly made it. That robot was named Kevin, but clearly Dustin diamond didn't really make

[35:43] that like screech. Didn't make Paulie's robot. That would be crazy. No, I mean, is the robot

[35:48] actor the same, the same prop robot, you know, screech made that rope. You make a good

[35:56] point. All right, nevermind. I'll move on to the next, the next segment. Who am I going

[35:59] to, does screech? No, Paulie, I have to assume that saved by the bell and Rocky take place

[36:07] in the same universe, which I really want to believe right now. Then yes, screech no

[36:11] Rocky lives in Philadelphia, screech lives in California. If Rocky and Zach Morris got

[36:19] in a fight, could Zach Morris stop time and win the fight? I don't know if he could win

[36:25] the fight. He could stop time long enough to keep from being murdered immediately in

[36:28] the fight. But I think even stopping time would make it hard. Can he do that regularly

[36:33] or does he need to recharge period? That's what I want to know about the stopping time.

[36:37] Very good question. Yeah. You always, if it, if he doesn't have at least, you know,

[36:41] uh, like a minute, uh, like, uh, like a minute or like 90 second, uh, recharge period that

[36:48] powers Opie. It was unfair. Now here's another thing. So we've established that Polly and

[36:54] screech know each other. So Rocky and saved by the bell in the same universe, I think

[36:57] his time stopping power proves he's related to the little girl from out of this world,

[37:01] which means that he's an alien universe. Yeah. And of course that means that California dreams

[37:06] is happening in the same universe as out of this world and Rocky. Nice. We've got it.

[37:13] The TNBCU it's subtext. They never say it expressly, but you know, it's true that

[37:19] whenever he stops time, that amount of time is taken from the end of his life.

[37:23] Of course. That makes sense. Must be balanced. Yeah, exactly. So he's, he'll actually, so,

[37:29] so when, when he and Kelly Kapowski are married and she's still there in the middle age,

[37:34] he will of course seem like an old man. Uh, and, uh, yeah, it's, I mean, actually,

[37:39] you know, it was worth it for him to get to stop time, turn the camera, make a quip,

[37:44] and then order a shitload of pizzas for Mr. Belding to pay for. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

[37:49] but he can't order the pizzas when time is stopped, unless he fucking does it. Sometimes

[37:54] the place is in the same time bubble. Like he can put someone else, even who's not near in the same

[37:58] chronal bubble, but he, and also does his time stopping power affects the girl from out of this

[38:02] world where she immune to it. Every time he stops time, does that age her also stay away from her

[38:08] life? I thought you were asking, does he stop time all across the globe, which is the real,

[38:12] I mean, like the pizza thing would make sense if he could call, like, if it was just like a

[38:18] localized time, displaced localized. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. I mean, now we're getting into,

[38:22] it's like a, like, was it the snap from the Marvel world movies where like people come back and they

[38:28] haven't aged a day and there's other people who have aged like that. Zach Morris is doing that.

[38:32] The people near him are staying younger than the people in the rest of the world.

[38:38] This is more power than a teen boy who is objectively a total douche should have.

[38:43] Yeah. Yeah. Congress. It's a real, it's a real tails from the loop. So what do we do next?

[38:49] So that was the end of that segment. We have one final segment in this episode.

[38:53] This segment is entitled, this title is old movies, all ye faithful. This is when we talk

[38:59] about movies from the 1930s and forties. So, uh, hopefully you guys have seen these movies. I think

[39:04] you probably have. So this is a movie that, so a lot of the idea for this episode came because I

[39:09] remembered an article I once saw that just late that listed the top 10 Christmas movies that

[39:15] people don't think of as Christmas movies. And one of them was this movie. One of my favorites,

[39:19] the thin man, a movie that does have a Christmas scene, but also has a new year's Eve scene.

[39:24] It doesn't only take place at Christmas. And so guys, the thin man, that sparkling comedy of wit,

[39:30] perhaps the greatest, I'm going to just know what I'm saying. Perhaps the greatest

[39:33] mystery comedy film ever made, uh, with the immortal pairing of William Powell and Myrtle

[39:38] Loy. Is that a Christmas movie or is it just a movie that has a scene at Christmas? And I'll

[39:42] tell you, it is a very funny scene about the presents they bought for each other.

[39:46] No, I'm going to, you know what? I'm going to give it this. I'm going to debut the decimal

[39:50] place. I'm going to give it a 6.5. Uh, uh, because I, I agree. It really only has the

[39:57] one scene, but that scene is one of the.

[40:00] memorable scenes in The Thin Man has nothing to do with the mystery plot whatsoever. It

[40:05] is just William Powell slightly hungover on Christmas morning using his new little pop

[40:14] gun to shoot ornaments off the tree, which, you know, to have to be that carefree. I mean,

[40:23] I mean, it's when you're rich in the 30s, you can get away with whatever you want. Yeah.

[40:29] This is how rich you know they are, is that he shoots a hole in the window because he misses

[40:34] and it is never mentioned again. They never have to deal with getting that window replaced. It's

[40:38] just taken care of. But it is such a funny moment when he's shooting them off and Myrtle is just

[40:42] watching him do it. And he's trying to come up with ever increasingly difficult shots,

[40:46] like he's turned around, looking through a mirror, pointing it between his legs,

[40:49] and he misses and hits the window. And then he immediately lies down and pretends to be asleep,

[40:54] even though his wife is watching him do it the entire time.

[41:00] This sounds like a lot of fun. I've never seen The Thin Man.

[41:03] Oh, it's such a fun movie. It's a super fun movie. You should you should watch it. It's

[41:07] really great. Yeah, I mean, I've only heard good things. Okay, now we're gonna move on

[41:11] to another movie. That was a movie from the 30s. We're gonna move on to another movie.

[41:14] This one, the 40s. Here's one another personal favorite of mine. I am gonna go on record,

[41:19] although maybe I'll swap with The Thin Man. I don't know that this is my third favorite movie

[41:22] of all time. Maybe my favorite comedy of all time. And that's The Miracle of Morgan's Creek

[41:27] from 1944. Again, a movie that ends around Christmas time. And spoiler alert, the ending

[41:33] involves the birth of a miraculous child. So perhaps it is a Christmas movie in that way.

[41:39] Although most of the movie before that is about how Betty Hutton is pregnant and can't remember

[41:47] the name of the man or where he or where he is now or anything like that and thinks they got

[41:52] married but can't remember the name they got married under either because they used fake names.

[41:55] Guys, is this a Christmas movie just because it ends on Christmas and involves a miraculous

[42:00] birth put on a scale? And first, my question, have you guys seen this movie? I have seen it.

[42:04] I think I saw it at one of your screenings that you used to do at 92 Y Tribeca. And I'm going to

[42:13] give it a two because, again, I forgot that it was at Christmas. OK, that's fair. Stuart,

[42:17] for my description, would you call it a Christmas movie or have you seen it?

[42:20] I've never seen it. From your description, it does have Miracle in the title, which gives it

[42:24] at least one point. And then the additional information you've given me puts it up to

[42:30] at least a three in my book. OK. OK, that's fair. Miracle of Morgan's Creek. It's a Preston

[42:35] Sturgis movie. I think it's so funny, but I don't know if I would call it a Christmas movie. OK.

[42:40] And here's the final. This is the final movie of the episode because I've pushed your patience

[42:43] and the patience of the audience long enough. This is a movie that I see on a lot of Christmas

[42:48] movie lists. But again, there's only one sequence set on Chris and Chris during Christmas,

[42:53] even though it includes a famous Christmas song. That's Meet Me in St. Louis from 1944.

[42:59] Beautiful movie. I love it. It's a it's a favorite in my household with Judy Garland

[43:03] and Margaret O'Brien and Mary Astor playing a very different character than she played

[43:07] the Maltese Falcon. That's for sure. Is this a Christmas movie? This is the movie that

[43:12] enters the song. Have yourself a merry little Christmas. But it also introduced the song,

[43:16] the trolley song, which is not a Christmas song about how the trolley goes clang, clang, clang.

[43:22] The sounds the trolley makes and how that relates to the human nervous romantic system.

[43:27] You know what? I hear you, Elliot. I'm going to have to put this at at least a seven,

[43:32] though, because that is an iconic Christmas song and also as sung by Judy Garland in its

[43:40] the original context has the original lines of the until then we'll have to muddle through somehow

[43:50] instead of hang a shining star upon the highest bow, which always is deliciously bittersweet,

[43:57] especially knowing that this was a wartime movie where they're like, you know what,

[44:02] maybe next Christmas will be better. And for all those sentimental reasons, I give it at least a

[44:09] seven. OK, and it shows you what it shows you, what a big Christmas footprint, what a big

[44:15] footprint Christmas has, how how huge it looms in the popular imagination that this is a movie that

[44:20] has scenes at Halloween and at World's Fairs. And you never see it on a list of best Halloween

[44:25] movies or best World's Fair movies. And if there is a list of best World's Fair movies,

[44:28] please send it to me. Yeah, I'd like to read it. I want to see that list. So this is another movie

[44:34] I've never seen. But from your descriptions and the fact that there's a an actor with the last

[44:40] name Garland, which is a thing that I only associate with Christmas, I will say this is

[44:45] definitely a six. OK, that's fair. I think that's very fair. I think we've settled a lot of debates

[44:51] tonight, and I think we've ignited a lot of debates tonight. Flophouse listeners, feel free

[44:56] to write in. Go to our website. Was it Dan podcast dot com or just I think it's just Flophouse

[45:01] podcast dot com. Go there and write in. Tell us if you agree, disagree how mad we made you,

[45:07] how mad I made you when I said that stuff about about Christians being intolerant. Look,

[45:13] if it wasn't so prominent, I wouldn't say something about it. I'm just looking out for

[45:16] people who who who don't have power, you know. Anyway, and tell us what are some movies you

[45:22] think of as Christmas movies, even though they might not be thought of that way by most people

[45:26] and movies you think aren't Christmas movies, even though they might be thought that way by

[45:29] a lot of other people. Dan, did you have did they have a secret one you want you had prepared to

[45:34] drop on us? Says Stewart, having none that he had prepared. I have one prepared. OK,

[45:41] oh, good. OK, good. I just I just watch Funny Pages, which it takes place right around Christmas

[45:49] and is even though I feel like all the actors are Jewish, but maybe not. But I don't know.

[45:56] And it was it definitely is a Christmassy movie in a way. And it's great. Great. And I will

[46:03] mention first off about about a boy, my friend Chris Weitz. The end of it has to do with a

[46:12] Christmas concert and Better Off Dead has a lot of Christmas. Yeah, you know what? Very much

[46:22] a Christmas movie. Yeah. And I don't even think about it very much in that. Yeah, yeah. Well,

[46:28] we get good calls, very good calls. Stewart, thanks for mentioning that. I did ask you guys

[46:32] to think of movies that would fit the category and then decided to write up a version of the

[46:37] episode that did not really involve you telling me what those movies were. So you know what?

[46:42] Corrected that it only confused me for a moment. Look, some people wait, wait a lifetime for a

[46:50] moment like that where you're confused. Guys, thank you so much for this journey down Christmas

[46:55] past. For those of us who are listening, we have another Christmas episode coming up. And then

[47:01] we're not going to talk about Christmas for another year. And I couldn't be happier with

[47:05] that because we're recording this before Christmas and I'm already tired of hearing about Christmas

[47:11] until then, though, everybody, maybe maybe by next Christmas, we'll watch the line from

[47:17] maybe St. Louis, Dan. Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow. We'll just muddle through

[47:23] the other three hundred and sixty four days of the year until we get back to that Christmas.

[47:27] Thanks for joining us. We are, of course, a production of the Maximum Fun Network.

[47:32] Thank you so much for listening. And please check out some of the other great shows on that network.

[47:35] Maximum Fun, it relies on you, the listener, to support us. And we really appreciate it.

[47:39] I want to thank our editor and producer, Alex Smith, who will hopefully chop out maybe the

[47:44] part where I offend a bunch of people, but maybe not. I don't know. Do we live dangerously these

[47:49] days? I think so. And I want to thank most of all my co-hosts and you listeners again

[47:57] for listening to us. And now until next week, I'm going to leave you with the sounds of the season.

[48:05] This latest hit from Celestial by Rob Halford. Alex, I don't know if we I don't know if we have

[48:11] the rights to that, but maybe we could just do like a needle drop and just play a little bit

[48:14] of a song from Celestial, the Rob Halford album. I don't know. I don't want to get sued or anything,

[48:18] but if Rob Halford sued me, I would ask him to sign the papers because I'm such

[48:21] a big fan of his. He's just the best. Yeah, he's the metal god. I mean, yeah, yeah.

[48:31] MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.

FH Mini 70 - Xmas Movies?

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