FH Mini 74 - Tuboy Talkin' Tube to 2 Dudes Today, Yes Way

[0:00] Hey, that's right.

Stuart Wellington

[0:06] Thanks for tuning in.

[0:07] This is another Flophouse Mini.

[0:09] It's a little different than a regular episode of the Flophouse Podcast

[0:11] where we watch a movie and talk about it.

[0:13] On a Flophouse Mini, we kind of do whatever we want.

[0:16] And of course, we have a special one today for you folks.

[0:18] That's right.

[0:19] We are doing an episode of Two Boy talking tube to two dudes today.

[0:25] Yes way.

[0:26] And you're probably asking yourself,

[0:28] Two Boy, well, Two Boy's me, Stuart Wellington.

[0:33] You're probably wondering two dudes.

[0:34] And that's right.

[0:35] I'm joined by my two favorite dudes, Dan McCoy and Elliot Kalin.

[0:38] Why don't you introduce yourself, guys?

Dan McCoy

[0:41] I think you did it.

[0:42] It's us.

[0:43] Dan McCoy's me.

[0:44] And this voice is Elliot Kalin.

Elliott Kalan

[0:46] I can say my own name, but thank you, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[0:47] I appreciate it.

[0:48] Well, I mean, we'd already had so many redundancies built into the system.

[0:52] I figured one more couldn't hurt.

Elliott Kalan

[0:54] It's safety.

[0:55] I like it.

[0:55] That's why they call you Safety First McCoy.

[0:58] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[0:59] So we're talking tube, and you guys are both – tube obviously means television.

[1:03] You guys are both professional television writers, so you're going to be able to help me and answer my questions.

[1:08] And we're doing this today because normally we record episodes at night.

[1:11] Not today.

[1:12] We're recording this on Monday afternoon.

[1:13] And boys, let me tell you, do I have a case of the Mondays?

[1:17] How about you?

Dan McCoy

[1:20] I guess.

[1:21] I mean, not really because although, as you correctly identify, we have been television writers, neither of us is currently working on –

Elliott Kalan

[1:30] But we remain television writers.

[1:32] It's not like –

[1:33] Yeah.

[1:33] It's not like –

[1:33] Like when someone is between jobs, they don't stop having that profession, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:38] Sure, sure.

[1:38] But I'm saying the case of the Mondays –

Elliott Kalan

[1:40] I was a lawyer.

[1:41] I hope to be a lawyer again someday.

[1:43] But at the moment, I currently am not a lawyer.

[1:46] That kind of thing.

[1:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:46] I mean, I do do more –

[1:47] Schrodinger's job.

[1:49] I do do more work during, you know, like normal office hours still, but I'm not going anywhere having the usual Mondays –

[1:58] case of the Mondays problems that Stuart is talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00] I have the opposite.

[2:01] I'm having a manic Monday.

[2:03] It's just another manic Monday.

[2:04] I don't wish it was Sunday.

[2:05] That's not my fun day.

[2:07] My fun day would be Saturday, of course.

[2:09] The Sabbath?

[2:09] The Saturdays –

[2:10] It's the Sabbath, and my fun is in praying.

[2:13] Also, Saturday night when the Sabbath is over is all right for fighting.

[2:16] That song is about how you can fight on Saturday night because the Sabbath is over at sundown,

[2:20] and you can finally turn on lights, drive cars to where you're fighting, turn on the headlights so you can see the fight circle.

Dan McCoy

[2:26] Or if you put a string around the person you want to fight, that's also permitted, I believe.

Elliott Kalan

[2:31] You'd have to talk to a rabbi for that, and especially a rabbi who likes Elton John.

Stuart Wellington

[2:36] And so just to keep everybody appraised of the situation, we have one Garfield, two non-Garfields here.

[2:44] And when I talk about Garfield, of course, I don't necessarily mean Andrew Garfield, although from what I can tell, he does love lasagna.

[2:51] He does hate Mondays.

[2:52] His opinions on normal, undecided.

Elliott Kalan

[2:56] Okay.

[2:56] He's never talked about it on the record, as far as I know.

Stuart Wellington

[2:59] On the record, yeah.

[2:59] Maybe off the record, but yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:00] Well, yeah, you said from what you can tell, and I was wondering what data points maybe you were looking at.

[3:04] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[3:05] Body language mainly.

[3:06] To figure this stuff out.

[3:06] Body language mainly, the clothes he chooses to wear, et cetera.

[3:09] Sure.

[3:10] So here on Two Boy Talking Tube to Two Dudes today, Yes Way, we are going to be talking about some important television gossip.

[3:19] We're going to be talking about some hot news.

[3:22] I'm going to get your thoughts on some of the hot news shows that are going on.

[3:26] We're going to talk about what we're watching.

[3:28] Of course, at the end, we're going to wrap it all up with a talk of the talk of the town.

[3:32] That's right, the big game that was on TV, the biggest tube event of all.

[3:37] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[3:39] Everyone's been waiting anxiously for our one week late wrap up about the event we usually don't talk about at all.

Stuart Wellington

[3:46] Yeah.

[3:47] Yep.

[3:47] Yeah, you nailed it.

[3:48] Thanks.

[3:51] Just thought I'd help sell it to the listener.

[3:52] Yeah.

[3:52] We're going to be talking about the – we're starting off with the most important thing.

[3:55] The thing that people have been bugging me incessantly on social media about is back in Flophouse episode – I think it's episode – we called it episode 55.

[4:06] I think it was in the 90s or something.

[4:07] But it was the 55th full episode where we reviewed the Gerard Butler, Katherine Heigl movie, The Ugly Truth.

[4:15] I suggested –

[4:16] Uh-huh, sure.

Stuart Wellington

[4:17] I suggested a little something that we should do.

[4:20] Who would he be on Night Court?

Elliott Kalan

[4:21] The bailiff?

[4:22] Not the bailiff.

Stuart Wellington

[4:23] Yeah, he's not cool.

Elliott Kalan

[4:24] Yeah, yeah, Mac.

[4:25] That's who you'd be.

[4:26] Wait, would I get to be –

[4:27] No.

Stuart Wellington

[4:27] You'd be Harry and I'd be John Larroquette, right?

[4:29] Yeah, of course.

[4:30] Main feeling, sure.

[4:31] Of course.

[4:31] That sounds awesome.

[4:31] Yeah.

[4:32] I'd be okay being Mac.

[4:33] Can we go do that?

Elliott Kalan

[4:35] Yes.

[4:35] You literally – how?

[4:37] Yeah, I'll start up the holodeck.

[4:39] We could have our Night Court adventure.

[4:42] Can we do that?

Stuart Wellington

[4:44] What does that even mean?

Elliott Kalan

[4:46] Is some dude with a Tommy gun going to show up and just –

[4:48] It's a holodeck, yeah.

[4:50] A Tommy gun or, you know, Sherlock Holmes or something.

[4:54] Can we do that?

[4:55] What does it mean?

[4:56] I don't know what you're asking.

Dan McCoy

[5:00] Stuart wants someone to build us a Night Court set and we would get some old Night Court scripts, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[5:06] And we would just live inside Night Court.

[5:08] That sounds good.

[5:09] As you can hear, I suggest that we do Night Court.

[5:14] To which case you guys both laughed at me like I was some kind of fool or a madman.

[5:19] But you know what?

[5:20] Somebody at NBC just did that shit.

[5:23] It's true, someone.

[5:23] There's a Night Court reboot or sequel?

[5:26] What would you call this, guys?

Elliott Kalan

[5:27] Well, everything's called a reboot now even if it is as this one is a sequel since John Larroquette is playing the same character later in life as he is indeed the same actor later in life.

Dan McCoy

[5:37] And the judge is supposed to be Harry Stone's daughter is my understanding.

[5:42] Now, Stuart still, I mean, I still argue that we could not have, in fact, done Night Court.

[5:48] For one thing, we didn't have the rights to Night Court.

[5:52] Also not the resources, to be sure.

[5:54] Yeah, no packaging deals to put together.

Elliott Kalan

[5:57] We did have access to the number one Night Court fan, Hallie Haglund, however.

[6:01] So in that way, I guess she could have told us how to do Night Court.

[6:06] She'd be a great, you know, new market post character.

[6:10] Stuart, you're making the same mistaken fallacy that the purchasers of the Jodorowsky Dune storyboard book made when they raised millions in order to buy one of the few remaining storyboard books for Jodorowsky's plans for Dune.

[6:25] And they thought this gave them the ability to make a movie of Dune, not realizing that Dune is a copyrighted work.

[6:31] The rights had already been sold and that it would cost a lot of money just to buy those rights, let alone to produce a film of it.

[6:38] That owning the script of the movie did not mean you could just automatically make the movie.

[6:42] So just having an idea of Night Court doesn't mean we can do Night Court.

[6:46] On the other hand, and here's where I say you had the right idea.

[6:50] We could have done the People's Night Court.

[6:52] We would have scooped the People's Joker and just done our version of Night Court.

[6:56] We couldn't have shown it at festivals.

[6:57] Couldn't have shown it at festivals.

Stuart Wellington

[6:58] I mean, we would probably show it at a festival initially.

[7:01] And then we'd receive a cease and desist letter from who owns the rights to Night Court, NBC, John Larroquette.

Elliott Kalan

[7:07] I have to assume John Larroquette.

[7:09] And maybe Harry Anderson was still alive at the time, I believe, that this episode was recorded.

[7:14] Yeah.

[7:14] So he could have come after us.

[7:15] And then the headlines write themselves.

Stuart Wellington

[7:17] Using his magic, his wizardry.

Elliott Kalan

[7:20] It was magic, yeah.

[7:21] The headlines would have said, Night Court has its day in court.

[7:26] And it would be us being sued by the creator and stars of Night Court.

[7:29] Oh, man.

[7:29] We should have done it.

[7:30] We should have done it.

Stuart Wellington

[7:31] I would have looked so sad, but then when I beat the charges, I would have been praying harder than everybody.

Elliott Kalan

[7:36] And then we sell the rights to the TV version of our life story as the guys who tried to do Night Court and couldn't get away with it.

Dan McCoy

[7:45] By the way, for listeners at home, I know that we've started to put out little video clips of episodes.

[7:52] But not whole episodes.

[7:54] So a lot of the visuals still remain a mystery.

[7:57] I enjoyed that as soon as Alex started Night Court explaining to Stuart, he took a big bite of banana, both in defiance, I think.

[8:06] There's a certain defiant quality of the way he ate that banana and also knowing that he would have plenty of time to chew and swallow that banana before required to eat.

Elliott Kalan

[8:15] I like to think it was not defiance, Dan, but that much as that banana would impart potassium to him, he knew that I was imparting valuable knowledge nutrients to him.

[8:23] Yeah, I was powering up for the battle to come.

Stuart Wellington

[8:26] So I brought up Night Court.

[8:29] Obviously, somebody at NBC is a big listener of the show and got an idea from us.

[8:34] It's okay.

[8:34] You don't need to pay us.

[8:36] You know, just keep listening.

[8:37] You know, Dan loves me in the ameos.

Elliott Kalan

[8:39] It's not the first time.

[8:40] Everything, Everywhere, All at Once, most nominated movie at the Academy Awards this year.

[8:44] Clearly listeners, because they picked up my raccoon that was cut out of Ratatouille bit for that movie.

[8:49] So the Flophouse is a real influencer that way.

[8:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:53] If you want to make it up to us, we could be like, you know, three podcasters appearing in Night Court on some sort of podcast dispute.

[9:00] Sure, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[9:01] Yeah, I mean, that's –

[9:02] Have you guys – I mean, the most important question is, have you guys watched the new Night Court yet?

Elliott Kalan

[9:07] I haven't watched it yet.

[9:07] So I have to assume we'd be three podcasters arrested for patronizing a prostitute since most of the cases on the old Night Court were just prostitutes.

Dan McCoy

[9:15] But I haven't seen it yet.

[9:16] I have not seen it.

[9:17] Dan, have you?

[9:17] I watched the first third of it, and then I thought to myself, well, Audrey and I are always looking for –

[9:23] The first third of an episode?

[9:24] The first third of the first episode of the Night Court reboot, and I thought to myself –

[9:28] Episodes are three hours long now.

[9:30] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[9:32] I was going to say one third of an episode, I would say not a statistical sample for judging.

[9:36] But you're saying you have a story.

Dan McCoy

[9:37] All of what I'm saying will make sense if I'm allowed to say it.

[9:40] I don't think we're going to do that.

Elliott Kalan

[9:42] Objection, objection.

[9:43] I don't think anyone wants to let Dan finish his story.

[9:45] Judge Wellington, what do you say?

[9:47] I mean, fair enough.

[9:48] It's not that great.

[9:48] I don't care.

[9:49] No, he can tell the story.

[9:51] On the podcast.

[9:52] Okay, so you're overruling my objection.

Stuart Wellington

[9:53] Yeah, Dan has – you know, sometimes Dan's stories take us on adventures to Ikea, so I want to hear it.

Dan McCoy

[10:00] Where we all get mad at each other.

[10:02] No, I started watching it, and I thought to myself, you know what?

[10:05] Audrey and I are always looking for something light to watch, short to watch, funny to watch.

Elliott Kalan

[10:09] It can't all be severance all day long, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[10:11] Yeah, maybe this is something that we are eventually going to want to watch together, although –

[10:17] Perhaps not because unlike me, she has no fond memories of the original Night Court, so –

[10:23] She was just a baby.

[10:24] Yeah, if that – if the show starts shakily, I feel like my fond memories may pull me through until it finds its footing.

[10:32] But if it's not immediately amusing, it may not be the show for hers.

Stuart Wellington

[10:38] Yeah, I've been watching it.

[10:40] Charlene and I are both fans of the original show, and, you know, there's a soft spot for that style of sitcom.

[10:47] They haven't – not to spoil too much, but they haven't explained about Bull being abducted by aliens yet.

[10:55] Is he back in this season?

[10:56] They haven't explained about it?

[10:57] Well, they haven't – like, he hasn't, like, come back or aliens haven't shown up or they haven't addressed that, like, oh, yeah, he disappeared one day.

[11:04] Like, they don't talk about him at all.

Elliott Kalan

[11:06] So the most hanging cliffhanger from the original series, you're saying – so for blisters who are not familiar with Night Court, Bull, the – what, Bailiff?

[11:12] He was taken away by aliens at the end of the last episode of the series.

Dan McCoy

[11:14] Yeah, I think you should explain it to me because there's an assumption that I, too, remember the last episode of Night Court in full detail and I do not.

Elliott Kalan

[11:22] Dan, you've been talking like you're a big night head.

[11:24] Like, you're full – you love Night Court.

[11:26] You don't even remember that?

Dan McCoy

[11:27] I am not aware of each individual character's, like, Animal House style, like what happened to them at the end.

Elliott Kalan

[11:35] But if you're going to remember any of them, it's the one where the character is literally short aliens say, you'll be the guy who can reach the highest shelves.

[11:42] Was it Alf? Did Gordon Shumway take him away?

[11:44] What a crossover that would have been, if only.

[11:47] No, I think – were they – actually, were those – those were both NBC shows, weren't they?

[11:50] Yeah, yeah, I think so.

[11:51] They could have done it, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[11:53] Yeah.

[11:53] Okay, so Night Court, it's good.

[11:56] I'm enjoying it and it's coming back.

[11:57] It's getting renewed.

[11:58] So let's go to some ripped from the headlines, folks.

[12:02] Oh, please.

[12:05] Actor Penn Badgley, that's a favorite of Dan's from the TV show You.

[12:09] Yeah, short for Pennsylvania Badgley.

[12:12] Has said no, no, no to sex scenes in order to be better in his marriage.

[12:19] As you guys are both actors, do you find that intimate scenes make it hard on your relationships?

Elliott Kalan

[12:25] Is this a question from a different interview that you were conducting with other people or –

[12:29] Oh, no, you guys have both been on the Daily Show before.

Dan McCoy

[12:32] Yeah, I was not required to kiss anyone.

[12:34] I mean, like even –

[12:34] I slow danced with someone once on the Daily Show.

[12:36] What did you do?

[12:36] I was in a play where I had a kiss.

[12:40] You saw it.

[12:41] It was hair.

[12:42] That was the last time.

[12:43] Did that mess with your relationship, Dan?

[12:45] I was not currently dating anyone at the time.

[12:48] So this is not really an issue that I've had a lot of experience with.

[12:51] I do think it's kind of – look, I think it's kind of weird.

[12:54] You were the star of hair.

Stuart Wellington

[12:55] Yeah, I guess it makes sense that when you're the star of hair, you want to be single.

[12:59] You want to be available, right?

Elliott Kalan

[13:01] Yeah, yeah.

[13:02] You want to have your options open the minute that the curtain falls and people are rushing the stage.

Dan McCoy

[13:07] There's so many people at the stage door waiting for me with flowers.

[13:11] Demanding your love, yeah.

[13:13] No, I mean, I do think it's a little odd to – that's part of an actor's job to do that.

[13:20] I think any reasonable actor understands that and any reasonable spouse understands that.

[13:26] But I understand if like on a personal level you're like, you know what?

[13:29] If this isn't necessary, I'll ask for it.

[13:32] I'll see what they say.

[13:33] Like this is one of these stories that has gotten a lot of play and I'm like, I don't know.

[13:38] It just seems like something that he asked for and they're like, okay, cool.

Elliott Kalan

[13:42] Has he done a lot of love scenes previously in his work?

[13:46] Well, I mean the show is all about –

Dan McCoy

[13:47] I haven't seen you, but isn't it a show about him stalking and killing people?

Elliott Kalan

[13:50] Yeah, but there's like sex involved too.

[13:51] But for love.

[13:52] Yeah, he does it for love.

[13:53] He's like Dexter.

[13:54] If instead of killing serial killers, he just killed women.

Stuart Wellington

[13:58] Yeah, that's –

[13:59] Yeah, I mean –

[13:59] It's actually true.

[14:00] It is one of those things where it's like –

[14:02] It was like Jamie Dorn at one point was talking about to prepare for his role as Christian Grey.

[14:07] He went to some like sex clubs to like kind of see what that lifestyle is about.

[14:11] And he said he had to like go take a shower before he could spend time with his family just to get through that.

[14:17] And I'm like, dog, you're in a show where you play a fucking serial killer.

Elliott Kalan

[14:22] Yeah, to give –

[14:23] Yeah, but he doesn't go and hang out with serial killers probably to prepare for it.

[14:27] I don't know him.

Dan McCoy

[14:29] To give Elliot a little background, you is like –

[14:33] Me?

[14:33] I mean it's gone through a lot of iterations.

[14:35] Yeah, right.

[14:35] Who?

[14:36] What is I?

[14:38] It's gone through a lot of iterations.

[14:39] In the original season, it was about someone who, yeah, was a stalker.

[14:43] It's kind of a soap opera, drama, satire, thriller about a toxic person who like –

[14:53] Toxic Avenger?

Elliott Kalan

[14:54] It's a lot like Toxic Avenger, yeah.

[14:56] Is it a lot like Toxie?

[14:58] Like he fell into some sewage and he's a janitor?

[15:01] Kind of.

[15:02] Rips people's arms off?

Dan McCoy

[15:03] It starts out as sort of like an extreme examination of like a toxic nice guy because he is the extremist in that he murders people.

[15:14] And then it becomes kind of –

Elliott Kalan

[15:14] And then like all shows, the premise falls away and it's just a workplace comedy now?

Dan McCoy

[15:18] Yeah, it's a lot of asides.

[15:21] I don't want to spoil the twists and turns for listeners who may go on to watch you.

[15:26] I know that you probably won't, Elliot.

[15:27] To watch me?

[15:28] Yeah.

[15:29] Hopefully they will.

Elliott Kalan

[15:32] I knew I shouldn't have bought this Chinese-made television with the camera turned on all the time.

Stuart Wellington

[15:36] Yeah.

[15:36] But I think it becomes –

[15:37] You haven't won the house from 13 ghosts at auction.

Dan McCoy

[15:42] I think over time it kind of becomes like the way that the Tom Ripley Highsmith novels like go off in a bunch of different directions off of like this amoral guy who's not afraid to murder when backed into a corner.

[15:56] And this most recent season is very funny to me because he's like off in England.

[16:00] And he is among these –

[16:03] These like his wealthy, like evil, wealthy friends.

[16:06] And I tweeted about it because it's funny to me that they have these dinner parties where they're literally like,

[16:11] Oh, do you think these poor people hate us because of all that we have?

[16:16] Oh, don't you want to hurt us?

[16:18] It's like, oh, maybe if they –

[16:19] Oh, the poors.

[16:20] Let's, you know, pile them up and burn them.

[16:23] And like it's going so far and it's wanting to be like kind of this class conscious, you know, soapy satire that it's having rich people talk about poor people.

[16:38] Like the thing about rich people and the way they grind poor people under their heel is they don't think about them.

[16:44] Yeah, they're oblivious to the existence of poor people.

[16:47] They are like, ha, ha, ha, let us turn our rich people shrink rays on the poor and have them fight each other inside this bottle.

[16:55] You know, like it's –

[16:56] I mean do they do that on that show?

[16:57] Because I'll watch that show.

[16:59] Yeah, I mean that actually sounds like a good season.

[17:01] That sounds great.

[17:02] This sounds like a good show.

Elliott Kalan

[17:04] What's it called?

[17:04] Me?

[17:05] It's called Me.

[17:07] Yeah.

[17:08] When Dan has this interview to be a staff writer for you and they're like, so do you have any storyline ideas?

[17:13] Well, yeah, I really think they should take a shrink ray and shrink poor people and make them fight in the bottle.

Stuart Wellington

[17:18] I brought a prop.

[17:19] It's a shrink ray.

Elliott Kalan

[17:21] I also make props.

[17:23] Netflix has a show like that already.

[17:24] Netflix already does that show.

[17:25] Yeah.

[17:25] Like the way when they were like – they were like, we have Squid Game.

[17:28] It's a show about how these people are through these horrible, violent games.

[17:32] And they're like, what if we do a show that's just that?

[17:34] What if we take the thing that's meant as torture in Squid Game and we make it its own show?

[17:39] Yeah.

[17:39] It seems like a moral mistake.

[17:41] So he says he's not going to do any love scenes.

[17:44] I would say to each their own.

Stuart Wellington

[17:45] Wow, great.

[17:46] So talking about love scenes, you know what holiday is tomorrow, guys?

[17:51] Valentine's Day, the most love scene of all holidays.

[17:54] Now, a lot of people like to spend their holidays watching TV or like me, I like to spend my

[18:01] Valentine's Day with somebody special wrapped up in like a robe, maybe wearing a moisturizing

[18:06] mask and watching Portrait of a Lady on Fire.

[18:09] You're talking about Meatball.

[18:11] Yes.

[18:11] Somebody special.

[18:12] Yep, somebody special.

[18:13] It's muscles, sits on my lap and yells at me if I'm not petting him.

[18:17] And I'm like, I'm trying to pay attention to this lovely movie.

[18:20] Okay.

[18:20] So we're going to be talking about –

[18:22] You're watching the cat version of it, purr-trit of a lady on fire.

[18:26] Oh, no.

Elliott Kalan

[18:26] Purr-trit of a lady on fur.

Stuart Wellington

[18:28] That's what it should be.

[18:29] Oh, man.

[18:29] That'd be great.

[18:30] Adorable.

[18:31] Yeah.

[18:33] So, but we are talking – today we're going to talk about romantic couples in television

[18:38] shows.

[18:39] And I'm going to list out romantic pairings from television shows.

[18:43] And you're going to tell me if you think they have chemistry or no chemistry.

[18:47] Okay?

[18:48] So let's start with a big one.

[18:50] Sam and Diane.

Elliott Kalan

[18:52] Oh, chemistry.

[18:53] It certainly – I mean, the show told us they have chemistry, but I'm not so sure.

[18:57] You know what?

[18:58] I'm not so sure about that.

[18:58] Yeah, I need the performance.

[19:00] That's not a relationship that I think would work in real life.

[19:02] That's not what chemistry means, Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[19:05] I agree with Dan on this one.

[19:05] Chemistry with a lot of people who you wouldn't work out with long term.

[19:09] Chemistry is, you know, chemistry, man.

Elliott Kalan

[19:11] I'm saying there's chemistry between Ted Danson and Shelley Long.

[19:14] That's what I'm talking about.

[19:16] But I don't know if there's chemistry between Sam and Diane.

[19:16] That's the thing.

[19:17] I'm separating the characters from the performers.

[19:19] If you had two different actors in that role, if Sam was played by Ernest Borgnine and Diane

[19:23] was played by Chita Rivera, I don't see chemistry in that pairing.

[19:27] Interesting.

Dan McCoy

[19:27] Even if they're playing the same character, doing the same lines.

[19:30] That's fine.

[19:30] We're talking about actors.

[19:32] Sam and Diane as they exist.

Elliott Kalan

[19:33] Okay, let's see if Sam was played by Worf, not the actor again, but the character, Worf.

[19:39] You're right, Elliot.

[19:40] And Diane was played by a spider.

[19:42] I don't see it.

Dan McCoy

[19:44] You're right.

[19:44] These crazy hypotheticals, they have terrible chemistry.

Elliott Kalan

[19:47] They don't have good chemistry.

[19:48] Okay, let's say Sam is played by J.D. Salinger.

[19:50] Good luck getting in front of a camera.

[19:53] And Diane is played by Queen Elizabeth II, who has since died, but this is a time travel thing.

[19:59] So J.D. Salinger is still alive in this scenario.

[20:01] I don't think it's going to work out.

[20:02] Okay, but for the purposes.

[20:03] Same scripts, and James Burroughs is still directing it.

[20:06] I don't think it's going to work out.

Dan McCoy

[20:06] For the purposes of an argument, let's say that Cheers exists as it does in our reality.

[20:11] Yes.

[20:11] And these characters are inexorably attached to the actors.

[20:13] I don't know if I can buy that supposition, Dan, that Cheers exists as it does.

Stuart Wellington

[20:16] This rapid-fire question game is taking, it's gotten the weeds fast.

[20:21] Okay, next one is Ross and Rachel.

[20:24] Ross and Rachel.

[20:24] Chemistry or no chemistry?

[20:26] No chemistry.

[20:26] No.

[20:27] Okay, yeah, he's a creep anyway.

[20:29] Jim and Pam from The Office.

Dan McCoy

[20:31] I think they do.

[20:33] I found those characters by the end of the show that went on too long intolerable.

[20:38] But early on, yes.

Elliott Kalan

[20:40] I think they had a lot of chemistry until the characters got married.

[20:42] And honestly, at that point, the characters kind of lost a lot of what was drawing them together.

[20:47] It happens in a lot of marriages.

[20:48] Jim, Pam, don't feel bad.

[20:49] It happens in a lot of marriages.

Stuart Wellington

[20:50] Okay, what about Tim and Dawn from The Office?

[20:54] That's the UK, obviously.

Dan McCoy

[20:57] Yeah, it's been a while, but yeah, sure.

Stuart Wellington

[20:59] Yeah, I haven't watched it in a long time.

[21:01] I don't really remember.

[21:02] Okay.

[21:02] What about Eleanor and Chidi from The Good Place?

[21:08] I would say no chemistry.

Dan McCoy

[21:09] Yeah.

[21:10] This is a hard one.

[21:11] I would say that the actual chemistry is low, but to go to Elliot's flip side of this question,

[21:17] I do think that as a relationship, they seem strong.

Stuart Wellington

[21:21] Okay, that's cute.

[21:22] All right, fair.

[21:23] That's fair, yeah.

[21:24] What about Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt from Parks and Rec?

[21:27] Which one was Ben Wyatt?

[21:28] Was that Adam Scott?

[21:29] Adam Scott.

[21:29] That's Adam Scott.

Elliott Kalan

[21:30] Okay, I had stopped watching by that point, so I don't know.

[21:32] Really?

[21:33] Wow.

[21:34] Parks and Rec, really good show, not a bad show.

[21:37] I would watch it, and I'd be like, this is a funny show, but I wouldn't actually laugh

[21:40] at it.

[21:40] It just wasn't tickling my funny bone at the time.

[21:42] It's like Sports Night.

[21:44] Yeah, I mean, I guess.

[21:46] I mean, Sports Night was less of a laugh a minute type comedy.

Stuart Wellington

[21:49] So Elliot's explaining why he can't answer.

[21:51] Dan, do you have an answer?

Dan McCoy

[21:54] I'm going to say, yeah, they got a nice little rapport going, a little back and forth.

Stuart Wellington

[21:59] Okay, home stretch here.

[22:01] April Ludgate and Andy Dwyer from Parks and Rec.

[22:05] That's Chris Pratt and Aubrey Plaza.

Elliott Kalan

[22:08] I think they had chemistry early on, and then, did I watch when they were an actual couple?

[22:14] I don't remember.

[22:14] A lot of these characters in these shows, it's just the way these shows are built.

[22:17] They have a lot of chemistry before the characters are in a relationship with each other.

[22:21] And then once they're in a relationship, the writers of the show have trouble getting that

[22:25] relationship continuing because the entire dynamic before was, we're attracted to each other,

[22:30] but we're not together.

Dan McCoy

[22:31] Yeah, I mean, I think that this one would hinge on how you describe chemistry.

[22:36] Like, I didn't think, I didn't feel like there was ever, like, a lot of heat between those

[22:40] characters, but they had a nice rapport.

[22:42] Okay, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[22:44] And this is Chris Pratt doing the Mario voice, right?

Stuart Wellington

[22:47] Yeah.

[22:50] So, we got two left.

[22:51] First one is Buffy and Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Dan McCoy

[22:57] Well, yes.

[22:58] Yes, I would say definitely, but Elliot, I assume, never watched it.

Elliott Kalan

[23:02] I barely have watched that show, yeah.

[23:03] Okay.

[23:04] I missed my window.

[23:05] I should have watched it when Joss Whedon was a god rather than when he was a devil.

Stuart Wellington

[23:08] Yeah.

[23:09] Homer and Marge Simpson.

Elliott Kalan

[23:12] Okay, here's, this is, this is something that is going to sound strange.

[23:15] I'm going to say no chemistry except in the bedroom.

[23:17] They clearly are very sexually attracted to each other.

[23:20] Otherwise, their relationship does not work at all.

Dan McCoy

[23:23] Yeah, I do.

[23:23] I also get that sense that they actually, you know, they enjoy it.

Elliott Kalan

[23:28] Yeah, if Marge wasn't so, didn't need the HD so much, then, you know.

[23:33] Yeah, that makes sense.

[23:34] And, yeah, I think it wouldn't, it wouldn't quite work, but I don't think that they are meant

[23:38] to be, for all the episodes that are like them reaffirming their love at the end, I

[23:41] think part of the joke is that they are also not a great couple.

[23:44] They're a dysfunctional family.

[23:45] Now, Elliot, is that what, is that what HDTV is about?

[23:48] Yes, Homer's Dick.

[23:49] That's entirely what it's all about.

[23:50] It stands for Homer's Dick Television.

[23:51] It was weird.

[23:52] I thought it was weird when Congress decreed that all new televisions made the United States

[23:55] had to be Homer's Dick capable, but, you know, compatible, but that's the way

[24:00] they did it.

Stuart Wellington

[24:00] So, folks, we also, let's talk about hot shows.

[24:04] There's a hot new show on HBO right now, The Last of Us, that's based on a video game.

[24:09] Now, Elliot, you're not much of a gamer.

[24:11] How does the pitch of based on a hit video game, how does that work for you?

Elliott Kalan

[24:18] A show based on a hit video game?

Stuart Wellington

[24:20] If somebody pitches it as, this show is based on a hit video game, are you more likely or

[24:25] less likely to be interested?

Elliott Kalan

[24:27] Entirely neutral.

[24:28] You've told me nothing about the premise, the characters, the tone of the show, and it could

[24:32] be based on Tetris for all I know.

Stuart Wellington

[24:34] But Tetris is a hit, and wouldn't you be very interested in how they turned Tetris into

[24:38] a television event?

Elliott Kalan

[24:40] But you'd have to mention it.

[24:42] You'd have to tell me what Tetris was, and I'd be like, yeah, I am interested in this.

[24:45] As it is, I don't know much about The Last of Us.

[24:47] It's what, a zombie thing?

[24:49] Yeah, I, yep.

[24:49] I gotta say, zombied out on this side, the same way that I never thought it would happen

[24:54] to me, but I am zombie entertainmented out.

[24:56] I think it's gonna take another few years before I'm back to watching zombie things.

Dan McCoy

[24:59] Yeah, can I answer this?

[25:00] I would say that-

[25:01] No, anyways, dude, move on to the next question.

Elliott Kalan

[25:02] Wow, wow.

Dan McCoy

[25:04] I did.

[25:04] Never give someone the opportunity.

[25:06] I don't make the rules.

Elliott Kalan

[25:06] Never give someone the opening to deny you something.

[25:09] Just take it.

Dan McCoy

[25:10] Well, he directed the video game question to you, so I just wanted to circle back to the

[25:15] video game question, too.

[25:16] Like, I also, not a lot of video games, probably slightly more than Elliot, but like, I think

[25:23] that that is a strike against it for me, and like Elliot, as a child, zombies were my favorite

[25:28] of the, like, big monsters.

[25:30] Loved zombie movies.

[25:31] Now, you know, as we've talked about it many times before, it feels like nerds have had

[25:37] a lot of monkey paws wishes granted, and I am sick of zombies, and that those two things

[25:44] together have kept me away from Last of Us, even though I hear that it's basically not

[25:48] a zombie show in the traditional sense, and it's very good.

Stuart Wellington

[25:52] Yeah, Dan, you're basically the brother-in-law character from the mummy franchise, where in

[25:56] the first movie, he's terrified of mummies.

[25:58] The second one, he's like, oh no, mummies, because he's aware of them.

[26:01] And then the third movie, he's like, oh, fuck, mummies again?

[26:05] Like, every character is constantly complaining that mummies have shown up, and I'm like, that's

[26:10] what the movie's called, guys.

[26:13] Who invited all these mummies?

Elliott Kalan

[26:15] I've always liked that character arc, from extreme fear to just total annoyance and irritation,

[26:20] because he knows he's going to get through it.

[26:22] This is getting in his way.

[26:23] I think the, maybe I'll watch it at some point.

[26:26] Guys, this is going to be a, we don't even need to discuss this or debate it.

[26:29] Alex, feel free to cut this out if it's too controversial.

[26:32] I think there is a lower bar for what's considered great television than for almost any other form

[26:39] of art or creative expression, and I would like to see television up its game a little bit.

[26:44] I feel like there have been a lot of shows lately where people are like, this is a great show.

[26:48] It's not just a good show.

[26:49] This is a great show that says something about the world.

[26:51] And then I watch it, and I'm like, this is a good show, and it's saying something.

[26:54] But it is at the level that novels have been exceeding or movies have been exceeding for a century or more.

[27:01] And so I wonder, I'm always wary now.

Stuart Wellington

[27:02] But Elliot, you have to understand, everybody is lit from above, so it makes everyone look a little bit weird and a little bit serious.

Elliott Kalan

[27:10] They all look like they're in the character introduction screens of the pusher movies, and it makes it super ominous.

Dan McCoy

[27:16] I hear you, Elliot, but here's a suggestion I will make to you that these people are using the word great colloquially to indicate I really like this show.

Elliott Kalan

[27:24] No, but I'm talking about even in writing about shows.

[27:27] This isn't just Friends of Mine being like, this is a great show.

[27:30] Or just the way that, again, I didn't see The Last of Us.

[27:32] Maybe it's amazing.

[27:33] Now, there was a recent episode where Twitter, everyone on my Twitter feed was like, ugh, heartbreaking.

[27:38] That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

[27:40] That's the most amazing hour, and that hyperbole at a certain point obviously becomes meaningless.

[27:46] But I've said this on, I don't remember if I said it on this podcast.

[27:49] I said it on other podcasts recently.

[27:51] I think the most affecting creative experience I had last year was reading Tess of the Durbervilles by Thomas Hardy, where it was like, oh, this is like the emotional power that I'm looking for in entertainment, and I'm not getting a lot of the time.

[28:02] And it's like, oh, yeah, well, there's a reason these novels last for 150, 200 years, you know, still in bookstores.

[28:08] And I want TV to be aiming a little bit higher, and I think for that audience, it's on us.

[28:13] We've got to push TV creators to really live up to this idea of greatness.

[28:17] But, again, controversial.

[28:18] Maybe I'm just being a snob.

[28:19] I don't know.

[28:20] I feel like TV was getting there.

[28:22] There are a couple shows that are considered great shows that I think are genuinely like, these are great works of art.

[28:27] But I feel like lately, maybe it's because everything's IP-based.

[28:29] I feel like it's been devalued.

Dan McCoy

[28:31] I think this is all entirely a function of the various costs it takes to make different things.

[28:38] Yeah, I think that's very true.

[28:39] Thomas Hardy did not have to put a lot of money into sitting at home and writing Tess of the Durbervilles.

[28:44] No, but he's still got to make money to survive.

[28:46] I mean, that was looking as loose as a serial, yeah.

[28:49] He personally does, sure.

[28:50] You have to spend money to make money, man.

[28:52] You have to spend money to make money, man.

Elliott Kalan

[28:53] And I want to make it clear.

[28:54] Tess of Durbervilles was released as a serial, I mean, one installment a week.

[28:57] Not a serial like you would eat Tessos.

Stuart Wellington

[29:00] Yeah, it's written on the back of the box.

[29:03] Yeah.

[29:04] Snap, crackle, Tess.

Elliott Kalan

[29:05] Thomas Hardy, we need someone to write something people can read while they're eating their cereal in the morning before they go to their crushing labor at a factory in 19th century London.

[29:16] He goes, all right, I guess I'll write a novel.

Dan McCoy

[29:18] Yeah.

[29:18] But the production costs of a television show over time, all that goes into it, that's the sad truth about mass media art is all these edges get sanded down.

[29:33] You can't allow time for things to develop because it has to reach the widest possible audience.

Elliott Kalan

[29:40] Well, except I would say in television, one of the issues is that, to me at least, is that they allow too much time for things to develop.

[29:46] The pace of TV shows is often at as slow as you can possibly do it to make sure everyone gets everything.

[29:51] And it's like, I mean, I haven't finished Andor yet the first season.

[29:53] Yeah.

[29:54] And I'm enjoying it, but I'm also like, oh, if this had started with episode four, I think I would have been on board from the get-go.

[30:01] But instead they had to build all the characters up very slowly, which is just not my speed.

[30:07] Just not my pace.

[30:07] Yeah, I've heard that from people.

[30:08] I just don't agree.

Stuart Wellington

[30:09] I feel like part of the issue is that there might just be a little bit too much content.

[30:16] There might be too many shows.

[30:17] And instead, maybe you would prefer to microdose your shows.

[30:21] And that's interesting because people of all stripes are talking about microdosing.

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Elliott Kalan

[31:16] This is where my mind is at because that segue was so good, Stu, is that when you said first order, I thought it was also a Star Wars reference.

[31:21] And I was like, man, this guy is good.

[31:24] Yeah.

[31:24] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[31:27] Hey, this show is also sponsored by Babbel.

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[32:35] That was one of two things that my school offered.

[32:41] And maybe if I had more options.

[32:44] The other being Esperanto?

[32:45] It was French and Spanish.

[32:46] And you know what?

[32:47] Spanish would be a more useful language for me to know because there are a lot more Spanish speakers in America than French speakers.

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[33:01] I think I'm going to go with Babbel.

Elliott Kalan

[33:02] Yeah, I imagine young Dan, sorry, is choosing.

[33:04] He's like, Pepe Le Pew, Speedy Gonzalez.

[33:07] I'll go with Pepe Le Pew.

[33:09] And that's how you chose what language you're going to learn.

Dan McCoy

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Jordan Morris

[33:56] I'm Jordan Morris.

[33:57] And I'm Jesse Thorne.

[33:58] On Jordan and Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense.

[34:01] We rope in awesome guests.

[34:03] And bring them down to our level.

[34:04] We get stupid with Judy Greer.

Stuart Wellington

[34:06] My friend Molly and I call it having the space weirds.

[34:09] Patton Oswalt.

[34:10] Can I get a Balrog burger and some Aragorn fries?

[34:13] Thank you.

Jordan Morris

[34:14] And Kumail Nanjiani.

[34:15] I've come back with cat toothbrushes, which is impossible to use.

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Stuart Wellington

[34:22] Look, your podcast app's already open.

[34:23] Just pull it out.

[34:24] Give Jordan and Jesse Go a try.

Jordan Morris

[34:26] Being smart is hard.

[34:27] Be dumb instead.

[34:30] Hi, I'm Hal Loveland.

[34:31] And I'm Mark Gagliardi.

[34:32] And we're the hosts of We Got This with Mark and Hal,

[34:34] the weekly show where we settle the debates that are most important to you.

Dan McCoy

Jordan Morris

[34:39] What arguments are you and your friends having that you just can't settle?

[34:42] Apples or oranges?

[34:44] Marvel or DC?

[34:45] Fork versus spoon.

[34:47] Chocolate or vanilla?

[34:48] Best bagel.

[34:49] What's the best Disney song?

[34:50] We Got This with Mark and Hal every week on Maximum Fun.

[34:53] We do the arguing so you don't have to.

Stuart Wellington

[34:55] Oh, all answers are final for all people for all time.

[34:57] We Got This!

[34:59] So, back to the show.

[35:01] And we are talking tube with two dudes today.

[35:05] Yes way.

[35:06] And one of the sad facts about the tube.

[35:09] No way.

[35:09] Yes way.

[35:10] Now, one of the sad facts about the tube, guys.

[35:12] From one of the dudes.

[35:14] One of the sad facts about the tube is that sometimes shows get canceled.

[35:19] It's a bummer.

[35:19] Now, in this modern age of streaming services, there's always a chance that those shows that

[35:24] get canceled are going to get saved at the last minute by a different channel.

[35:29] It could happen, folks.

[35:29] A smaller and smaller chance.

Elliott Kalan

[35:30] It could happen.

Stuart Wellington

[35:31] It could happen, folks.

[35:32] Not less likely in this current market.

[35:33] But yeah.

[35:34] But so we're doing another lightning round here.

[35:36] You guys are just going to have to go right off the cuff.

[35:38] I'm going to give you two options.

[35:39] Two shows that, according to my information, have been canceled.

[35:43] And you're going to have to pick one to save and one to leave to the dust of history.

[35:49] Okay?

[35:50] Mm-hmm.

[35:50] Okay?

[35:51] So, you know, be ready.

[35:53] Because this is a binding contract.

[35:57] So we're actually making the decision?

[35:59] We are making the decision.

[36:00] So the first round is Reboot, the comedy show on Hulu, and NCIS Los Angeles.

Dan McCoy

[36:11] Well, you know what?

[36:12] I actually watched Reboot, and I'm a big fan of Judy Greer in particular, who was the lead

[36:19] who doesn't often get leads.

Stuart Wellington

[36:21] I could see why you might have missed NCIS Los Angeles, because it only had 14 seasons.

Dan McCoy

[36:27] Yeah.

[36:28] Well, that's the other thing.

[36:29] I think that it's had its time, whereas Reboot got one season.

[36:32] So that's the one I would rescue.

[36:34] I would also say Reboot for similar reasons.

Stuart Wellington

[36:36] Yeah.

[36:36] Okay.

[36:37] I guess Los Angeles no longer has an NCIS here.

[36:41] No, crime will run rampant.

Elliott Kalan

[36:42] Okay.

[36:43] In the, what is it, the Navy Crime Intelligence Service?

[36:45] Is that what it stands for?

[36:46] I think that's what it stands for.

Stuart Wellington

[36:47] Okay.

[36:48] So, next round.

[36:49] Next pairing.

[36:51] 1899 and American Gigolo.

[36:56] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[36:57] Was 1899 one of the Yellowstone shows, or is it not?

[37:00] No.

[37:01] I believe it was from the-

[37:01] I think of 1923.

[37:03] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[37:03] I believe 1899 was from the people who made the show Dark on Netflix, which was kind of

[37:09] beloved.

[37:10] And American Gigolo is adapting the hit movie to a TV show starring Jon Barenthal, who is

[37:17] smoldering.

[37:18] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[37:19] I'm going to just say American Gigolo because it's about an American Gigolo.

[37:23] Oh, okay.

[37:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:25] I'm going to say, not having watched either, I'm going to say 1899 because I love history.

[37:29] And I kind of feel like, to me, American Gigolo is where it works.

[37:33] The movie, at least, is as a portrait of the time it was made.

[37:36] And I don't know that I want to see an American Gigolo about now where the American Gigolo is

[37:40] like a task rabbit guy and lonely older women just kind of hire him for an hour through

[37:45] an app or something.

[37:45] I assume that's what happens in it.

[37:47] I haven't seen it.

[37:48] I assume they updated it.

[37:49] Yeah.

[37:49] Is Paul Schrader involved with the show?

Stuart Wellington

[37:51] I'm assuming not based on his Facebook pictures.

Elliott Kalan

[37:58] Because if Paul Schrader is involved with the show, I'm going to say yes.

[38:03] Continue that one because he is, say what you will about him as a human being, which I can't.

[38:08] I don't know him.

[38:08] And he says a lot of strange things on Facebook, but he's a unique artist with a unique corrupt

[38:13] view of the world.

Stuart Wellington

[38:15] Okay.

[38:15] And our third and final grouping.

[38:17] Okay.

[38:17] Remember, these are binding contracts.

[38:20] We have Pennyworth.

Elliott Kalan

[38:22] Wait, does it mean we have to fund these shows?

Stuart Wellington

[38:25] Yes, of course.

[38:26] Okay.

[38:26] I'm sorry.

[38:27] Them's the breaks.

[38:28] You asked for the power, Elliot.

[38:30] You're going to have to pay the Piper.

[38:32] So we have Pennyworth.

[38:34] The Piper power.

[38:34] Which is worth more than a penny from what I hear.

[38:37] The Secret History of Batman's Butler.

[38:39] Or Dr. Phil.

Dan McCoy

[38:44] Okay.

[38:44] Well, number one, I enjoy that when I look at Pennyworth on HBO, it says underneath it,

[38:51] the origin of Batman's Butler.

[38:53] As if to say like, yeah, everything needs a goddamn origin these days.

[38:58] So why don't you lap it up, jerks?

Elliott Kalan

[39:01] If this does well enough, then we can finally get Lavender Man, the origin of Batman's laundry

[39:06] guy.

[39:07] Yeah.

[39:07] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[39:08] That all being said, I don't think Pennyworth is causing active harm in the world the way

[39:13] that I think Dr. Phil is.

[39:14] So I think Dr. Phil should get the fuck out of here, get canceled.

Elliott Kalan

[39:18] I agree.

[39:19] Unless, I would agree with Dan completely, unless Pennyworth also had an episode where

[39:23] they exploited Shelley Duvall's mental illness for ratings, then I'm going to have to say

[39:27] keep Pennyworth on the air.

[39:28] Okay.

[39:29] Get rid of Dr. Phil.

Stuart Wellington

[39:30] So you guys have three shows you're paying for, we'll have a meeting and I'll send you

[39:34] the bill.

Elliott Kalan

[39:35] If Dr. Phil gets canceled, I can still make memes where the Eminem version of Dr. Phil

[39:40] is marrying Shrek on the anniversary of the first episode of Supernatural, right?

[39:44] Of course you can.

[39:44] I can still do that.

[39:45] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[39:45] The Winchester brothers are in attendance.

[39:47] Okay.

[39:49] So let's talk.

[39:51] What have you guys been watching?

[39:52] I'm going to start first.

[39:53] We're talking about what the flop boys are watching.

[39:57] We've been watching in this house, we've been watching Poker Face, not the movie before

[40:01] you ask.

[40:03] I mean, you were watching Poker Face the movie for this podcast.

[40:06] I guess technically I was.

[40:06] Maybe I didn't.

[40:07] Who knows?

[40:09] So Poker Face the TV show on Peacock with Natasha Lyonne.

[40:14] It's got a little bit of Columbo in it.

[40:16] It's got a ton of great guest stars.

[40:18] Although there is a guest star on the fourth episode who really brings something special,

[40:25] you know?

[40:26] Didn't take me out of the episode at all.

[40:29] He was hilarious.

[40:30] I think his name was John Hodgman, maybe?

Dan McCoy

[40:34] Oh.

[40:35] Oh.

[40:36] Yeah.

[40:37] Yeah.

[40:37] No, he was good as a khaki-wearing man who wants drugs.

[40:43] He is.

[40:44] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[40:44] Not to spoil too much, but he is a khaki-wearing man who wants drugs.

[40:48] Not a narc.

[40:50] Yeah.

[40:51] Are you guys enjoying?

[40:52] Are you watching Poker Face?

Dan McCoy

[40:53] Are you enjoying it?

[40:54] Poker Face.

[40:55] Yes.

[40:55] I enjoy that show.

[40:57] I do think that Ryan Johnson went the right way when he was like, oh, the internet wants

[41:02] Natasha Lyonne to be Columbo.

[41:04] If we did a reboot of Columbo, whether or not I have the rights, if we did one, it would

[41:10] be always compared to Columbo.

[41:12] Why don't I just make a show that is basically like Columbo, but not Columbo?

[41:17] That's a good route to go with that.

[41:19] Although I still continue to compare it to Columbo and prefer Columbo slightly.

[41:25] But Poker Face is great.

Elliott Kalan

[41:26] Judged by Ryan Johnson's Twitter feed, Columbo is all he watches and all he thinks about.

[41:31] He's always tweeting about Columbo, or was at least for a long period of time.

[41:35] So he may be saying the same thing to himself.

[41:37] He watches his own show and is like, it's no Columbo.

[41:40] Pretty good, but no Columbo.

[41:40] I'm trying the best I can.

[41:41] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:42] But I like it a lot.

[41:43] I like it a lot.

[41:44] And I'm also watching Superstore, which had something like six seasons.

[41:50] So it was good to come across it late, and then we're just sort of tearing through

[41:53] it.

[41:54] But it's going to be like popcorn.

[41:55] It's going to be sad once we hit the bottom of that bowl of-

[41:58] Just the kernels at the bottom of the bag.

[42:00] There's a lot of really great-

Stuart Wellington

[42:01] Yeah, there's a lot of really great supporting actors on that show.

[42:05] Obviously, what, Mark McKinney?

[42:08] But then-

[42:08] Yeah.

[42:09] Yeah, there's so many funny women on it.

[42:11] It's so great.

[42:12] I saw Lauren Ash is on a new show with-

[42:16] Fuck, who's on that show?

[42:18] Oh, man.

[42:19] But it was good to see her working again after the end of Superstore.

Dan McCoy

[42:24] Speaking of Lauren Ash, Audrey was a big fan of the animated She-Ra series on Netflix, which

[42:34] is an action cartoon that is unafraid of being-

[42:41] I said that as if I was surprised that She-Ra show was a cartoon.

[42:44] It is unafraid of being unabashedly feminine and also very much about friendship and good emotional

[42:54] lessons rather than just fighting.

[42:56] And I really enjoyed it.

[42:58] And it has people like Lauren Ash and what's her face?

[43:02] I forget her name.

[43:03] Shirley McClain.

[43:04] Kate Blanchett.

[43:05] The friend slash roommate from-

[43:08] Beanie Newerth?

[43:08] God damn it.

[43:09] Let me ask Stuart.

[43:10] The friend slash roommate from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend plays Mermista on it.

[43:17] Yeah.

[43:18] And she's funny.

[43:18] Like the one who's kind of like over it all.

[43:20] Yeah.

[43:21] Denise Richards?

Stuart Wellington

[43:22] Oh, man.

[43:22] I don't remember her name.

Stuart Wellington

Dan McCoy

[43:24] Judy Dench?

[43:25] It is Judy Dench.

[43:26] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[43:26] Judy Dench.

[43:27] Dame Judy Dench.

[43:28] Dame Judy Dench.

[43:29] Yeah.

[43:30] Don't forget the Dame, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[43:32] So Elliot-

[43:33] I'm not British.

[43:34] I don't have to say their titles.

Stuart Wellington

[43:36] So Elliot, what have you been watching?

[43:38] I'm guessing what like the talkies from the 20s.

[43:40] Like what are you watching?

Elliott Kalan

[43:41] I mean there weren't a lot of talkies in the 20s, but I would watch them.

[43:44] I mean I did watch a movie the other night, a movie from the 50s.

[43:49] No, it's not.

[43:50] I'll talk about it on our movie portion, Flophouse.

[43:52] That's the thing is I don't watch as much TV because I love movies so much.

[43:56] So I could be watching a TV show, but instead I was watching last night Listomania, which

[44:00] I was finally getting around to watching.

Stuart Wellington

[44:01] What a nutty movie that is.

Elliott Kalan

[44:03] But lately, what have we been watching?

[44:05] Severance we've started watching.

[44:07] Sure, yeah.

[44:08] People love it.

[44:09] Which is-

[44:10] People love it.

[44:10] I think it's a little-

[44:11] It's not exactly what I want from that show, but it is very good.

[44:16] It's a compelling puzzle.

[44:18] It is.

[44:20] I feel like as with many shows, I want it to move a little faster, but that's because

[44:24] I'm used to watching movies.

[44:25] I'm used to watching things that are one story told over two hours rather than the same

[44:30] story told over 10 hours, but it's very well made.

Stuart Wellington

[44:32] If it's told over 10 hours, then you can look at your phone while you're watching it or play

[44:37] solitaire or something.

[44:38] I know.

[44:39] That's not really necessarily what I want.

Elliott Kalan

[44:41] We've also been watching Abbott Elementary, which is a fine show.

[44:44] It's a very solid sitcom.

[44:45] It's won many awards.

[44:47] Won many awards.

[44:48] It's a solid modern sitcom.

[44:52] But we haven't been watching-

[44:53] We find ourselves a lot of times just sitting there trying to remember what we're watching

[44:58] because at the moment we don't have a show that is like-

Dan McCoy

[45:00] Just sitting there trying to remember how we got to this place.

[45:04] Mm-hmm.

[45:05] What wrong turns we took.

[45:07] Staring into the void.

Elliott Kalan

[45:09] Yeah, just like the end of The Graduate every day when we sit on the couch watching the

[45:12] TV.

[45:13] Mm-hmm.

[45:14] The- I feel like the last show that really like we had to watch every episode was we

[45:19] were like re-watching The Wire a while back.

[45:22] Okay.

[45:22] And I'm looking for the show that is going to make it so that we're like, we got to watch

[45:27] the next one.

[45:28] Like, should we stay up and watch another episode even though we need to go to bed?

[45:31] Yeah, let's do it.

[45:32] I don't have that show yet.

[45:33] So guys, what would you recommend?

[45:34] Keeping in mind, I'm very critical and snobbish and I'm going to be comparing everything to

[45:38] Test of the Durbervilles by Tom Hardy.

[45:39] Yeah, this is the problem.

[45:41] Tom is Hardy.

[45:42] His name is not Tom Hardy the actor.

Stuart Wellington

[45:43] Oh man, it would be so great if he wrote that whole thing with a mask on his face.

[45:51] I mean, based on his MySpace profile, he does have a way with words, guys.

[45:56] Mm-hmm.

[45:58] If you haven't looked up Tom Hardy's MySpace profile, you totally should just Google that

[46:02] shit.

[46:02] It's so great.

Elliott Kalan

[46:04] Listeners, feel free to tweet at me with your recommendations for shows that really kind

[46:09] of grabbed you.

[46:11] But don't tell me about like The Last of Us or something.

[46:14] Don't tell me about a show that I may not have heard about.

[46:16] Okay?

[46:16] Not the one show everybody's talking about.

[46:18] Because that's the other thing, guys, is we live in a very disposable television and

[46:22] film culture right now.

[46:23] Mm-hmm.

[46:23] And the thing that everyone's, it's the greatest thing they've ever seen this week.

[46:27] By next week, often they've forgotten about it.

[46:29] Mm-hmm.

[46:29] Something that's going to last for a little while.

[46:32] That's really going to sit in my mind and I'm going to think about it and I'm going to

[46:36] mull it over.

[46:36] It's going to, I don't want something I can just watch and then throw away and drag it

[46:40] over to the trash can icon in my mind, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[46:43] No, you want, you don't want fast food.

[46:45] You want like a real sit down hearty meal.

[46:49] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[46:49] Man, you want different things out of television.

[46:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:52] Okay.

[46:52] And that's totally fine.

[46:53] That's totally fine.

[46:54] I mean, there are a lot of people who when they watch TV, they just want to sit down,

[46:57] have something that entertains them and then not think about it anymore, which is a totally

[47:00] valid way to use television.

[47:02] But that's not the way I like to do things.

[47:05] That's how I treat time with my family.

[47:08] Experience it.

[47:09] Throw it away.

[47:09] Don't think about it anymore.

[47:11] In the mental trash bag.

[47:13] But television, I want it to, I want to look back on my deathbed and really remember all

[47:16] the shows I watched and how wonderful they were.

Stuart Wellington

[47:19] Yeah.

[47:20] So, of course, since we're talking to, we got to talk about the biggest tube event of

[47:25] all.

[47:26] The big game, guys.

[47:28] Last night was the Super Bowl between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Kansas City Chiefs.

[47:36] Are they still doing that?

[47:37] They're still doing that?

[47:38] Yeah.

[47:39] Okay.

[47:40] Cool.

[47:40] They're still doing that one.

[47:41] Yeah.

[47:41] So, any highlights?

[47:43] You guys watched the big game?

Dan McCoy

[47:46] I'll tell you what.

[47:47] I went to Audrey's.

[47:49] Tell us what.

[47:50] Yeah.

[47:50] I went to Audrey's aunt's place to hang out with her family.

[47:55] It's always a great time over there.

[47:57] She's got a lot of extended family, a lot of great food.

[47:59] Is this your recommendation?

Elliott Kalan

[48:01] No, I'm just like, this is what, like, it's always.

[48:03] She recommends all listeners go to Audrey's aunt's.

[48:05] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[48:05] If you have the chance, really get to know Audrey's family.

[48:09] If you have the chance, get to know Audrey's aunts.

[48:12] You get a bunch of great Filipino food along with other just like regular American style.

Elliott Kalan

[48:20] I think you want to rephrase that so you don't compare Filipino food with regular food.

[48:24] What are you, James Bond and you only live twice?

Dan McCoy

[48:26] I don't mean like that there's a normal thing to eat.

[48:35] I'm saying.

Elliott Kalan

[48:36] Just the default human food of hamburgers and hot dogs and french fries.

Dan McCoy

[48:40] That's regular.

[48:40] And then all the other weird alternatives.

[48:42] That's why I switched what I was saying over to American traditional Super Bowl foods.

Elliott Kalan

[48:48] I'm just joking with you, Dan.

[48:50] I know what you meant.

Dan McCoy

[48:51] Stuff that Americans who have grown up having wings say and chili dip.

[48:58] That all was there.

Stuart Wellington

[49:00] Yeah, yeah.

[49:00] Anyway, I don't know why I went down.

[49:02] Yeah, what do you bring?

[49:02] Did you bring like maybe some pesto or like a zucchini or?

Dan McCoy

[49:08] You know what I brought?

[49:09] Yeah.

[49:10] What's some haggis?

[49:10] The traditional Super Bowl pesto.

[49:13] I made a salted.

[49:14] The field's green just like the pesto.

[49:17] I made a salted peanut tart.

[49:21] Also traditional Super Bowl food.

[49:23] Yeah.

[49:23] I mean, well, they've grown to know that I bake things.

[49:27] So now I feel like I don't want to disappoint them.

[49:29] I want to show up with something baked good.

Stuart Wellington

[49:32] And when you told them it was a tart, were they surprised that it was sweet?

Dan McCoy

[49:39] I think that you'll find that that's a frequent way that tarts are and there's a whole candy based around it.

Elliott Kalan

[49:44] This is another joke from when Stuart gave that commencement speech at that English department.

[49:50] His whole bit about words that aren't exactly right.

[49:54] I remember it was a slalom bit.

[49:56] I'm glad you were using those jokes.

Stuart Wellington

[49:57] They like lifted me up on their shoulders and carried me out.

[50:00] It was amazing.

[50:01] When you got your honorary degree from Trinity College.

[50:05] Truly from the Matrix?

Dan McCoy

[50:09] Point is, I went over there mostly for, you know, some fun family time.

[50:14] Less for the football game that was also on.

[50:18] Yep.

[50:19] I sort of half watched the first half.

[50:22] Paid more attention to Rihanna when she was on.

Stuart Wellington

[50:25] Yeah.

[50:25] When she's on that level from Super Smash Brothers.

Dan McCoy

[50:28] Yeah.

[50:29] And then we took a car home.

[50:32] Ignored the second half of the game.

[50:35] Watched some Superstore.

Stuart Wellington

[50:37] So one of the big draws of the big game is always the commercials.

[50:42] Everybody's got to watch those commercials.

[50:44] I don't know about, if you missed the second half.

Elliott Kalan

[50:46] Capitalism has done an amazingly good job of convincing us that we care about the commercials at the Super Bowl.

Stuart Wellington

[50:52] Yeah.

[50:52] But there was one that I did care about.

[50:54] Because in the second half, there's a commercial for a little streaming service called fucking Tubi.

[51:00] Tubi had a Super Bowl ad.

[51:02] And it was a great ad.

[51:03] And I was like, goddammit, Tubi, you fucking did it.

[51:07] There wasn't, unlike last year, it wasn't just a sea of crypto ads.

[51:10] Although there were way too many QR codes for my tastes.

[51:14] There was multiple commercials for Jesus and Scientology, which is cool.

[51:20] Okay, whatever.

[51:20] Are they working together now?

[51:22] I mean, they must be, right?

[51:23] Like in some kind, like the shots of the fucking, like the fancy box that had Elon Musk sitting next to Rupert Murdoch.

[51:30] And you're like, man, wow, that could just, like if that one box split, like if Agent 47 snuck in there and rewired something, everybody would be happy for a day.

[51:40] There was a lot of commercials about-

Elliott Kalan

[51:41] And people would be like, we'll never be able to catch the person who did this.

[51:43] All we know is he had a barcode on the back of his neck.

[51:45] There's no way to track it down.

Stuart Wellington

[51:46] He's wearing different clothes, Elliot.

[51:48] You can't tell.

Elliott Kalan

[51:52] He's like, he's knocking out people and then checking to see how high the collar is on their shirts because it's got a cover of his barcode.

Stuart Wellington

[51:57] There would totally be a bit where he like has to knock out Rihanna and do the fucking halftime show.

[52:03] God, Agent 47 is amazing, guys.

[52:06] He's so great.

Elliott Kalan

[52:07] And he's got to be pregnant for the show so nobody can tell the difference.

Stuart Wellington

[52:11] He would have to go, oh, it'd be amazing.

[52:13] He'd get like a fake pregnant.

[52:14] God, I love Agent 47.

[52:16] Okay.

[52:16] There was multiple commercials where celebrities are doing like normal people jobs and the whole time like, fuck you.

[52:24] But didn't you like to see Bradley-

[52:25] Yeah, and there was a trailer for The Flash.

[52:26] Bradley Cooper.

[52:27] Did you see the trailer for The Flash?

Elliott Kalan

[52:29] I didn't see it during the Super Bowl.

[52:31] I saw it online and I fast forwarded to the part with Michael Keaton and then I didn't watch the rest of the trailer.

Stuart Wellington

[52:36] Let's pause this.

[52:38] Dan, you were saying something about Bradley Cooper.

Dan McCoy

[52:40] No, you were talking about things where people, celebrities were playing normal roles or like doing other jobs.

[52:48] And there was a T-Mobile one where he was with his mom.

[52:52] And it was less about him being working for T-Mobile and more about seeing him goof around with his mom, which I enjoyed.

[52:59] That's all I was going to say.

[53:00] Which is cute.

Stuart Wellington

[53:00] I think of the celebs doing regular jobs, I feel like that was the only one where I wasn't like, god damn it.

[53:06] Yeah.

[53:07] But yeah, the Flash trailer, it's kind of wild to me that they're actually releasing that movie.

Elliott Kalan

[53:13] Yes.

[53:14] Yes.

[53:14] Yeah.

[53:15] I think they just have so much money tied up in it.

[53:18] And Warner Brothers, I think at the moment, is fighting the impression that they're just eating all of their product.

[53:25] You know?

[53:26] Yeah.

[53:26] I wonder if there was part of them that was like, why couldn't we have released the Batgirl movie and held this one back?

[53:32] Like, why did we have to do that?

[53:34] But maybe there's something in Michael Keaton's contract that says the movie has to be released in theaters.

Dan McCoy

[53:38] Yeah.

[53:38] I mean, I can only imagine that a large part of it is they made such a big deal about, oh, Michael Keaton's back as Batman, et cetera, et cetera.

[53:47] And so they're putting more energy into an idea of like, look, Ezra Miller's going to get some help, guys, than they would for other projects that were bedeviled by someone who had been in the news unfavorably.

Elliott Kalan

[54:05] I mean, it feels like this is, by being the next chapter in DC, continuing to ape the Marvel universe of movies almost shamelessly.

[54:16] The fact that they're like, now there's multiple verses and multiple versions of the same character.

[54:20] Guess what?

[54:21] Yeah.

[54:21] The guy who played the character in the past is back.

[54:23] It's like, you realize we saw this in a movie like three years ago, right?

[54:27] Like two and a half years ago.

[54:28] But I feel it's just this movie benefits from being too big to fail, I guess.

[54:33] Like it has too big a part in that.

[54:34] Although with James Gunn taking over, is all this stuff going to just be wiped clean, basically?

[54:40] A fair amount of it.

Stuart Wellington

[54:41] Do you think this is like, this movie is the reset that they're, that like, that's why it has to exist?

[54:47] That's very possible.

[54:49] Yeah.

[54:49] It could be.

[54:51] Well, we talked a lot about Tube today, guys.

[54:54] Thank you so much for joining me.

[54:55] Listeners, thank you for tuning in.

[54:58] We are a-

[54:59] Tubing in.

[55:00] They are tubing in, right?

[55:02] Yeah.

[55:03] We are a show on Maximum Fun.

[55:05] There's plenty of other great shows on there.

[55:07] Check them out, please.

[55:09] This show has been hopefully edited pretty well by our good friend Alex Smith, who goes by Howell Doughty on various social medias.

[55:15] He's great.

[55:16] Check out his stuff.

[55:17] And yeah, thanks for tuning in.

[55:19] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[55:21] I'm Dan McCoy.

[55:24] I'm...

Elliott Kalan

[55:25] Elliot Kalin.

[55:27] I did it like Michael Keaton in the Flash trailer.

[55:29] Oh, that's great.

[55:29] It takes a long time to say it.

[55:30] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[55:30] So great.

[55:31] Thank you.

Jordan Morris

[55:32] Okay, bye.

[55:39] MaximumFun.org.

[55:40] Comedy and culture.

[55:41] Artist owned.

[55:43] Audience supported.

FH Mini 74 - Tuboy Talkin' Tube to 2 Dudes Today, Yes Way

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