Episode #390 – Beast

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Beast.

Stuart Wellington

[0:03] Or in the words of drag performer Alyssa Edwards, Beast.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:36] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:38] Hey.

[0:40] And a little vocal fry to step on Stuart there.

[0:43] A little vocal fry.

Stuart Wellington

[0:46] That's a charitable definition.

[0:48] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:54] His vocal fry is extending into a death rattle.

[0:57] This is frightening.

Stuart Wellington

[0:59] It's deliciously fried.

[1:01] I'm of the deep end.

[1:03] Watch as I dive in.

[1:05] I don't even know what's happening anymore.

Dan McCoy

[1:09] And Elliot, who are you?

Elliott Kalan

[1:11] I'm not even going to try to compete.

[1:13] I'm Elliot Kalin, and I'm just so excited that we're doing a live show Sunday, April 2nd,

[1:17] at the Bell House in Brooklyn.

[1:19] We'll hear more information about that later in the show,

[1:21] or go to thebellhausny.com if you cannot wait for us to talk about it later in the show.

[1:26] We're doing a live show Sunday, April 2nd, at the Bell House in Brooklyn,

[1:28] and I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:29] I'll be there, and I'm here right now in your ears.

[1:31] Can't get me out.

[1:32] Try to use a Q-tip to just push me in deeper.

[1:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:35] You make a good point about that show, Elliot, but also about this show, the one you're listening

[1:40] to now.

[1:41] What is it?

[1:42] It's a podcast where we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it, or in this case,

[1:47] a movie that got sort of mixed to mildly positive reviews, but we'll see what we thought of it.

[1:54] And that movie, in this case, is Beast.

[1:57] Beast.

[1:57] Otherwise known as the movie where Idris Elba fights a lion.

[2:00] Yep.

[2:02] I'm sure it was sold on that.

[2:03] Is that the tagline?

[2:04] I think it was sold.

Elliott Kalan

[2:05] I mean, much the way that The Grey was sold on Liam Neeson fist fighting a wolf,

[2:10] something that only happened in the last five seconds of the movie, and you don't get to see it.

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] Yeah, it's mainly implied, right?

Elliott Kalan

[2:17] Yeah.

[2:17] He just, he prepares for it, and then he like jumps at the camera, and then it just cuts to credits,

[2:21] I think.

[2:22] Here you actually get to see it.

[2:23] Spoiler alert, you do get to see Idris Elba fist fight a lion, and they do the thing-

Stuart Wellington

[2:28] It goes about as well as you'd imagine, I would say.

Elliott Kalan

[2:30] Well, I mean, not to skip ahead.

[2:31] I mean, also, the lion has had a lot of damage at that point, so it's a little bit like at the

[2:35] end of Commando, when they really are trying to stack the decks so that you think that

[2:39] this guy even has a chance up against Arnold.

Stuart Wellington

[2:43] Yeah.

[2:43] Yeah, at this point, the boss has already had a lot of its armor stripped away, and it's

[2:46] got some glowing red spots for him to hit.

[2:49] Now, the boss is Springsteen?

[2:51] Yes, the boss.

[2:52] Beast Springsteen, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:54] Someone at home, Blizner, draws a picture of a lion Bruce Springsteen and sends it to

[2:58] us, please.

[3:00] And masturbate to it.

Dan McCoy

[3:03] Well, what else are you going to do with it, Dan?

[3:04] Let's all get in on that action.

[3:05] That's what it's for.

[3:06] I mean, that's not a point.

[3:07] Yeah.

[3:08] So, Beast, let's talk about this movie again.

[3:10] Production for you, Stan.

[3:11] That's what I would say about that masturbating to that lion Bruce Springsteen picture.

[3:15] What a...

[3:16] Do we say the name of the podcast already?

[3:18] This is called The Flophouse.

[3:20] I mean, it's in the title.

[3:21] Okay, cool.

[3:22] I mean, anyone who downloaded it probably.

[3:23] Do we introduce ourselves?

[3:24] Yeah, we did that part.

[3:25] And we talked about the premise a little bit.

[3:27] Yeah.

[3:27] And we identified the movie.

[3:29] So, let's get into the synopsis of the movie, which for once I will be taking care of.

[3:34] Dan's driving.

Elliott Kalan

[3:34] Everybody, this is very exciting because Stuart and I, we are seasoned movie plot synopsisizers.

[3:41] Summarizers, not synopsisizers.

[3:43] So, we're synopsis summarizers.

[3:44] Dan, he's still crawling out of the chrysalis.

[3:47] You know, he's still making that transition from commentator to summarizer.

[3:51] And I'm excited to see how he does with this movie.

[3:53] A perfect movie for a less experienced summarizer.

[3:57] Because, Dan, is there a lot of plot in this movie?

Dan McCoy

[4:00] Well, there's not a lot.

[4:03] And let's just make it clear.

[4:04] In the early days, we watched the movie all together.

[4:06] And we would all just sort of jump in and tell the story of the plot.

[4:09] Then it sort of loosely became Elliot just did it because he was the best at it.

[4:13] And then Elliot reasonably got tired of it.

[4:16] Best at it just talking over us, right?

[4:17] Just spread things around.

Elliott Kalan

[4:19] I recognize that I am already a talkative guy.

[4:23] And so, if you took away a reason for me to talk more, it would probably help the podcast.

[4:28] And so, Stuart bravely, boldly, and wonderfully stepped up.

[4:32] Oh, thank you.

[4:33] And he just took that torch and he ran with it.

[4:35] Yeah, thank you.

[4:35] Like he was trying to tell us about what happened at Marathon.

[4:39] He just ran with it using every ounce of his strength and breath to plot the movies.

Stuart Wellington

[4:43] So, I went to the Marathon gas station to buy some boner pills from the gas station.

[4:51] And you'll never believe who I ran into.

[4:54] Wait.

[4:55] Who?

[4:55] Wait a minute.

[4:56] I don't believe it so far, but that's just because I haven't heard it.

[4:59] I mean, the thing is I believe it just because I haven't heard anything to tell me that it's not true.

[5:03] Table iced tea.

[5:06] I was just saying thanks for her.

[5:07] Wait, iced tea is an actual person.

[5:08] So, I'll just stick with that.

[5:09] Yeah.

[5:10] Ignore the table part.

Dan McCoy

[5:11] Well, I don't believe it.

[5:12] I don't believe it either.

[5:14] Anyway, I'm doing it now.

[5:16] I'm tired of my learned helplessness.

[5:17] Let's enter a new era.

[5:21] So, this movie opens on a bunch of posters.

[5:24] Poachers.

[5:25] Not posters.

[5:26] Dan, you're doing great.

[5:27] You're doing great.

[5:28] Don't let it trip you up.

[5:29] Don't let it do you up.

[5:30] I mean, it could have opened on a bunch of posters.

[5:31] Travel posters.

[5:32] Come see Africa.

[5:33] I'm reading my notes.

[5:34] Yeah.

[5:34] I stumbled.

[5:36] Post poachers.

[5:37] A bunch of poachers in South Africa.

[5:39] Yeah.

[5:40] Late at night.

[5:41] It's hard to see anything.

[5:42] I'm going to complain like an old man that I find the nighttime scenes in this very difficult

[5:47] to understand.

[5:48] Like, there are a lot of people out there who are like, you know, oh, movies are too bright.

[5:52] Even at night, it's too bright.

[5:54] And I understand that.

[5:55] But you also, if you're going to do something.

[5:57] People say that?

[5:58] Yeah.

[5:58] People do.

Elliott Kalan

[5:59] Well, if they're watching the movie Bright, they're like, don't like.

[6:02] Show me another movie that's not as bright as this.

[6:04] Any movie.

Dan McCoy

[6:05] I think that there's a certain fakeness to a lot of nighttime shooting that people don't

[6:11] like.

[6:11] But also, now in this age of sort of digital recording, people don't give a lot of sense

[6:17] to the lighting of things.

[6:18] Yes.

[6:18] I think that a better way of lighting stuff at night is to have, you know, like strong

[6:24] highlights on a few key things that you want to see.

[6:26] This movie was just a bunch of mud to me.

Elliott Kalan

[6:28] To light it and make it look interesting.

[6:31] Yeah.

[6:31] Certainly there is.

[6:32] And there's, certainly there's a middle ground that we can all agree on and reach between

[6:38] shooting things with normal light and then just coloring them blue to represent that this

[6:43] is at night.

[6:44] Yes.

[6:44] And just having blackness on screen.

[6:46] Which works very well sometimes.

[6:48] I think.

[6:48] I mean, it's what movies did for many years and nobody really complained except for Dan.

[6:53] And now he got his monkey's paw wish.

Stuart Wellington

[6:54] I mean, it looks great in Fury Road when they do day for night.

[6:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[7:00] I mean, it worked great in the movie day for night when they're doing day for night.

[7:03] And they had a lot of problems when they were making that movie.

Dan McCoy

[7:05] I think that the rule is, as with most things, if you take time and care and try and do it

[7:12] well.

[7:14] Any technique.

[7:14] Let me write this down.

[7:17] Yeah.

[7:17] You're right.

Elliott Kalan

[7:17] It's the old CGI versus practical effects thing where it's like, they're both good.

[7:22] They can both be used well and both be used poorly.

Stuart Wellington

[7:24] So should I just say, do it good?

Elliott Kalan

[7:26] Do it good.

[7:27] Yeah.

[7:27] That's the note.

Dan McCoy

[7:28] Okay.

[7:28] I put that on a post-it for your mirror every morning.

[7:32] Yeah.

[7:33] Remember.

[7:34] Do it good.

Elliott Kalan

[7:35] So say, do it good.

[7:36] Do it real good.

[7:36] And then say, push it real good.

[7:38] And then go.

Dan McCoy

[7:42] Then everyone dances.

[7:43] Okay.

[7:44] I'll let me write that down.

[7:45] Write that down.

[7:45] I'm not writing it down soon.

[7:47] Write it down.

[7:48] Write it down.

[7:48] So get back to the movie.

[7:51] They're a bunch of poachers.

[7:52] It's very dark.

[7:54] And what are they poaching?

[7:54] Eggs?

[7:56] They're killing a pride of lions.

[7:58] That's right.

[7:59] I said it.

Elliott Kalan

[8:00] Oh, that's not so fun.

Dan McCoy

[8:01] They're using automatic rifles to hunt these lions.

[8:04] One escapes and-

Stuart Wellington

[8:07] I'm glad you point out automatic rifles as if you're like, I take issue with it being

[8:11] an unfair fight.

Dan McCoy

[8:13] I mean, I do sort of.

[8:14] Yeah.

[8:15] I mean, like the poachers we will find are the true villains of this movie.

[8:18] Yeah.

[8:18] They're huge pieces of shit.

Elliott Kalan

[8:19] As they are, they continue to be the true villains of humanity in many ways.

[8:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:22] The worst scum of the world.

[8:24] They drive the titular beast to-

[8:27] To John Wick?

Elliott Kalan

[8:28] I will say, not to excuse poachers, I feel like many of them do live in places where there

[8:34] is a dearth of employment opportunities.

[8:36] Okay.

[8:36] You know?

[8:36] Often people are driven to poaching, not because they want to, because they have to.

[8:39] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[8:40] Societal factors, et cetera.

[8:41] But in this case-

Elliott Kalan

[8:42] Life is-

[8:43] All life is a battle for superiority and survival.

[8:47] And that's what I've learned from the Toy Story movies.

[8:49] And it's just what I'm going to take with me for the rest of my life.

Dan McCoy

[8:52] Now, what specifically about the Toy Story films is-

Elliott Kalan

[8:56] There's not room for both a toy cowboy and a cuddly old person bear.

[9:00] One of them is going to die at the end of Toy Story 3.

[9:03] Yeah.

[9:03] And it's just, who's it going to be, you know?

[9:05] Yeah.

[9:05] It's firing water collision course.

Dan McCoy

[9:06] Does it die or does it just have a living hell of being strapped to the front of a semi-truck?

Elliott Kalan

[9:10] You've seen what happens to the stuffies strapped to the front of trucks.

[9:13] They don't-

[9:14] It's not a long life, you know?

[9:15] Yeah.

[9:15] It's like, as Hobbes described, life being strapped to a truck, it is nasty, brutish, and short.

Dan McCoy

[9:21] At what point does a toy die?

[9:23] Like, how much does-

Stuart Wellington

[9:26] Yeah, how much physical damage does it have to sustain?

Dan McCoy

[9:28] Yeah, lots of hug and bear.

Elliott Kalan

[9:29] How far does he have to go before-

[9:32] That's a good question, because it's like how in the Marvel comics, they establish that with Sandman,

[9:35] there is one particular grain of sand that has his soul in it, basically.

[9:39] And as long as that one grain of sand exists, then he can build himself from all other sand.

[9:44] So, yeah, how much fluff-

[9:45] Wolverine once regenerated himself from a skeleton.

[9:49] So, like, how much fluff does that bear need to-

[9:51] I mean, they're not going to regenerate.

Stuart Wellington

[9:53] There's one grain of sand, and if it's destroyed?

[9:56] Yeah.

[9:57] How do you destroy a single grain of sand?

[10:00] Greater philosophers than me, if ponder that one.

[10:02] You can't, like, punch it or shoot it or nothing.

Elliott Kalan

[10:04] Or they'll capture it.

[10:06] You know, they'll capture it in something.

[10:07] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[10:08] Well, we're 30 seconds into the movie, so-

Elliott Kalan

[10:11] You take that one grain of sand, and you put it in, like, a twisted, distressed Pepsi bottle,

[10:15] and you sell it to someone at a carnival.

Stuart Wellington

[10:17] No, we should get back to the scene where a bunch of lions get murdered.

[10:20] Yeah, a bunch of lions get murdered.

Dan McCoy

[10:21] Yeah, Dan, that's your idea of fun, huh?

[10:23] One guy gets caught in a snare, is attacked, and presumably killed by this rogue lion.

[10:28] The title comes up, Beast, in case you had walked into the wrong theater.

Stuart Wellington

[10:33] Yeah, so while these poachers are, like, walking around, they realize that maybe they didn't kill the, like, the leader of the lions,

[10:39] and then they slowly start disappearing.

[10:41] And you're like, oh, wow, this is like a crazy shinobi lion.

[10:46] He's, like, picking them off one by one.

[10:48] And then, of course, he jumps at the camera.

Elliott Kalan

[10:49] Yeah, this is one of the many movies that involves an animal that is seeking revenge, which is kind of a funny, it's always a funny, at least not, it's not Jaws 4 the revenge funny,

[11:00] where the shark knows the travel plans of the family.

[11:03] Yes, has gone all the way to the Caribbean.

[11:07] But kind of close.

[11:08] A little bit, yeah.

[11:09] And now you're saying that the only lion left, would you also call him the leader of the pack?

[11:14] Na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

Dan McCoy

[11:17] So, we get a brief dream sequence.

[11:21] There's, like, a POV of a camera drifting through sort of a dreamy-looking South African village with the voice of Idris Elba going, saying, like, where are you, my love?

[11:31] Okay, cut to him waking up.

Elliott Kalan

[11:34] I will say this.

[11:35] Those sections are, these dream sequences that come up are fairly unnecessary.

[11:39] But they do remind me of a lot of what you'd see in certain types of modern African cinema, where they do a lot of that kind of, like, dreamy slow-mo, especially stuff that's shot on video.

[11:50] And so there was part of me that was like, this doesn't really matter in the movie in many ways.

[11:54] But it helped to give it more of a, like, African cinema feel for a few moments, which I appreciated.

Dan McCoy

[12:00] Okay.

[12:01] I don't know enough to speak to that, but that's good to hear.

Elliott Kalan

[12:04] It's possible that it's just the ones I've seen, and I'm massively generalizing about a continent's worth of cinema.

[12:10] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[12:11] So we wake up.

[12:13] Idris Elba wakes up.

[12:14] He is in the jump seat of a charter plane flying over South Africa.

[12:22] He wakes up his two daughters, Mare and Nora, to see the scenery.

Stuart Wellington

[12:26] Mare of Cape Town, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[12:30] They land.

[12:32] Nora is very much complaining about the heat, which I sympathize with.

[12:35] That would probably be me in this situation.

Elliott Kalan

[12:37] Except here's the thing.

[12:38] They keep complaining about the heat, but they're also both wearing jackets or sweatshirts.

[12:41] They are, yeah.

[12:41] Or hoodies.

[12:42] They're true.

[12:43] Just take off your outer layer.

Dan McCoy

[12:45] Someone arrives in a Jeep.

[12:47] Who is it?

[12:47] Oh, it's Charlto Copley.

[12:50] Charlto Copley of District 9.

[12:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[12:53] Look out, Ponds.

[12:55] Yep.

[12:55] Of the A-Team movie.

[12:59] Chappie.

[13:00] Chappie.

[13:01] Elysium.

[13:02] I saw several reviews that pointed out playing for the first time a normal human being.

[13:07] Not a weirdo.

[13:08] Not a weirdo, yeah.

[13:10] And that's good.

[13:12] He's playing, he's not playing himself, Charlto Copley, the actor.

[13:15] He's playing Martin, a scientist.

[13:17] Now I get the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[13:18] Hold on.

[13:18] Now the movie makes sense to me.

Dan McCoy

[13:20] Some sort of like.

Stuart Wellington

[13:21] He's like a naturalist.

Dan McCoy

[13:22] Naturalist who keeps an eye over the reserve against poachers.

Stuart Wellington

[13:26] Yeah, we find out he's an anti-poacher later, right?

[13:29] That he kills poachers.

[13:29] Yes, later on.

[13:30] So, and you know what?

[13:31] Good for him.

Elliott Kalan

[13:32] Anti-poacher is a term that gets dropped into the movie as if it was a familiar one.

[13:37] Were you guys familiar with the concept of an anti-poacher?

[13:39] Someone who hunts down poachers?

[13:41] I assume that.

Dan McCoy

[13:42] A kind of texture for poachers?

[13:43] If they touch a poacher, they just explode.

[13:45] Yeah, that's what I assumed too.

[13:47] So I was like.

Stuart Wellington

[13:47] I mean, context clues, guys.

[13:49] I can figure out what an anti-poacher is.

[13:52] It is also weird when the poachers refer to themselves as poachers as if they're like proud of it.

[13:57] And I'm like, I don't know.

[13:58] This feels, I don't think they would.

Elliott Kalan

[14:00] And they're like, he's an anti-poacher.

[14:01] Like it's just a, I could understand an anti-poacher is against poaching,

[14:05] but I don't know if that meant that like they are, I don't know if they are an official,

[14:08] if that's an official job.

[14:09] But as it turns out, they're kind of vigilantes who are going out and killing poachers.

[14:13] I don't know if this is a real thing or if it's just a movie thing.

[14:16] The only one way to find out, I've got to become a poacher and see if anyone comes after me.

Dan McCoy

[14:19] I assume it's a real thing.

Elliott Kalan

[14:20] I don't think that's a good idea.

Dan McCoy

[14:22] I mean, it's not a good idea.

[14:23] It's the only idea.

[14:25] So Martin is a friend of Idris Elba.

[14:29] He introduced Idris Elba to his wife, who we don't know anything about yet,

[14:34] but we can assume that because she's not here and this is a movie and he's having dreams about her,

[14:38] that she has passed away, which is true.

[14:42] They arrive at Martin's house.

[14:44] The kids are dismayed to find.

[14:45] It's a nice place, right?

[14:47] Yeah.

[14:47] It's a nice place.

[14:48] Open plan.

[14:50] I mean, it doesn't have cubicles in it, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[14:55] It's not open plan at all, but there's a nice flow to the house.

[14:58] And there's a lot of, is it when, this is around the time I really noticed how many unbroken

[15:02] or seemingly unbroken long panning shots we're getting, where the camera is following the characters through a space.

[15:08] And I have to say, it got, eventually I was like, I get it, long shots, but like long uncut shots.

[15:14] But it really did help me to understand the geography of these places.

[15:17] Like the, at times this movie can get a little video gamey, but I appreciated during this part that it really let me live in the space for a little bit.

Stuart Wellington

[15:27] And I like it, but, and I mean, as we get into the more of the action sequences where they use it, it feels like it takes away some of the tension for me.

[15:36] Yes, I agree.

Elliott Kalan

[15:38] There's, there's a, later on, I'll just say this now because I'll forget it later.

[15:40] There are times in this movie where it reminded me of, and this is because I went to Universal Studios recently.

[15:44] It reminded me of being on a simulator ride where there's a storyline going on and characters are right in front of you and they're like.

Stuart Wellington

[15:50] Where, where the lion is like, here, hold the all spark while I kill these poachers.

Elliott Kalan

[15:54] Exactly.

[15:55] Well, that's, but where, where, like there's a bunch of poachers.

[15:57] But then after he kills the poachers, he's like, you did it, hooray.

[16:00] And it's like, what did I do?

[16:00] Now get your picture taken with the minions.

[16:02] Yeah, that's, you certainly, you've been in Universal Studios recently too,

[16:05] because that's exactly what happens.

[16:07] Shout out to Jordan Morris, king of Universal Studios.

[16:10] There's a part where, like there's poachers that have them at gunpoint and you hear a lion off the distance and the poachers run off.

[16:16] And then you're with our main characters as they try to get to a truck.

[16:19] And it really felt like being in one of those rides where something is always kind of happening in the distance that then comes up to you and then it goes away.

[16:26] And then you're going to somewhere else and it comes up to you again.

Dan McCoy

[16:28] I got to say that could, I often find that very effective though to like enhance tension because it gives you like,

[16:35] a limited point of view.

[16:37] The fact that it is uncut like gives it this sense of realism when it's done well.

[16:42] I just, this movie, I don't want to tip my hand too much, but I found it a little rote in many ways.

Elliott Kalan

[16:50] Oh yes, well this was a movie, this was an adventure movie about people being tracked down by a lion where the material that spoke to me the strongest was the first half hour before the lion really gets to them.

[17:00] When it's just Idris Elba dealing with the relationship with his daughters and them experiencing the beauty of Africa for the first time.

Stuart Wellington

[17:07] Like that's the stuff that really got to me.

Elliott Kalan

[17:09] Like connecting with their mother.

[17:11] Yeah, connecting with their mother's heritage.

[17:13] And as opposed to later when the lion showed up, I was like, yeah, it's a lion.

Dan McCoy

[17:17] Okay.

[17:17] So, so Martin's house has no wifi or phone service.

[17:23] Eagle eyed listeners will, or eagle eared.

[17:26] Do eagles have good ears?

[17:28] We'll note that as a plot point probably.

[17:31] Yeah.

[17:32] To isolate them further.

[17:34] They all hang out.

[17:36] Mare and Martin bond over how they like to shoot with film rather than digital cameras.

[17:41] And it sort of becomes clear that Idris Elba doesn't know a lot about his kids.

[17:44] His character doesn't, because he was absent while their mother, his ex-wife got cancer after they separated.

Stuart Wellington

[17:52] Yeah, that was the thing.

[17:53] So when, when the, the mother character wasn't there, but they kept talking about her, Charlene was like, she's dead.

[17:59] I'm like, maybe they're divorced.

[18:01] And the thing is, it was both.

Dan McCoy

[18:03] Why not both, as the gift says?

Stuart Wellington

[18:06] You both earned a prize.

Dan McCoy

[18:07] Mm-hmm.

[18:09] So the kids go to bed.

[18:13] Sholto, Copley, and Idris have some whiskey, and they talk about his dead wife a little.

[18:19] Idris talks about he regrets how he missed the signs of her sickness and how he was absent when she was sick.

[18:25] Because he's a doctor.

Elliott Kalan

[18:25] Did we mention that?

[18:26] That he's a doctor?

[18:27] Yeah.

[18:28] Because like if he was a cartoonist, I could totally understand how he would miss the signs of her sickness and not feel that.

[18:33] Not feel guilty about that part, you know.

Dan McCoy

[18:35] Yeah.

[18:35] I mean, they mostly know about, you know, what, like what pin nibs to use.

[18:39] Yeah, nibs.

Elliott Kalan

[18:40] Like if he was like, I should have noticed that, I never noticed that she was using the wrong nib.

[18:45] She's getting too thick a line in her inking.

Stuart Wellington

[18:47] And like what kind of guard to wear in their wrist to prevent carpal tunnel.

[18:51] Mm-hmm.

[18:51] Because just so the audience is wondering.

[18:53] Converting their lettering to a font to make it easier on themselves.

Elliott Kalan

[18:56] So there's, yeah, so they don't have to do all that lettering by hand.

[18:58] There's no scene where he's like, I can't believe I missed the signs for cancer.

[19:01] And his friend Martin's like, but you're an airplane mechanic.

[19:04] Mm-hmm.

[19:04] You know, why would you?

[19:05] So he's a doctor.

[19:06] He's a medical doctor.

Dan McCoy

[19:08] We spent a lot of time talking about a thing that wasn't true.

[19:11] But what was true is that he was a doctor.

[19:13] What is this, Fox News?

Stuart Wellington

[19:16] Oh, oh, man.

[19:18] Let me just check.

[19:19] Fox News just quit doing all that bullshit because we roasted him so bad.

[19:24] Wow.

[19:25] Oh, man.

Dan McCoy

[19:25] It's the power of satire.

Stuart Wellington

[19:26] Got him.

[19:27] Roast.

Dan McCoy

[19:29] Next morning, they go out with Martin and Martin's like colleague, Banji, to see the reserve.

[19:35] Yeah.

[19:36] Martin shows them a pride of lions and Shelton goes up and says hi.

[19:40] And they lick him like a big cat.

[19:42] They hug him.

Elliott Kalan

[19:43] It's just like in Born Free when they go back and see the lions again.

Dan McCoy

[19:47] Because he's raised some of these lions from cubs.

Stuart Wellington

[19:52] I mean, I'm just going to guess.

[19:53] These are, I'm assuming the lions are VFX and not Charlto Copley.

Dan McCoy

[19:59] Yes.

[19:59] Every lion in this film is, I would say, pretty good CGI.

Elliott Kalan

[20:04] Yeah.

[20:04] These ones, these ones, again, I'm watching it on iPad.

[20:08] So it was not, we're on a laptop.

[20:10] But it's possible that they had trained lions for this part.

[20:13] Although probably not.

[20:14] I guess it's probably a CGI for this too.

[20:15] But it is possible to train a lion to hug a person.

[20:18] I feel like after Roar, they can't do that shit anymore, right?

[20:20] Yeah, maybe.

[20:21] Maybe.

Dan McCoy

[20:22] Yeah.

[20:23] The Katy Perry song.

Stuart Wellington

[20:25] Yeah.

[20:26] Yeah.

[20:26] After Roar, the Katy Perry song.

Dan McCoy

[20:31] So one of the females is hurt, possibly shot by a poacher.

[20:35] But Martin can't get a good look right then because the males are protective.

Stuart Wellington

[20:39] Yeah.

[20:40] We learn an important fact that the female lion does all the hunting.

[20:45] But the male lions protect the pack from other lions.

[20:49] Yeah.

[20:49] Okay.

[20:49] Very important piece of information for later.

Dan McCoy

[20:52] Yeah.

[20:53] And so Martin, you know, is driving them around.

[20:56] He says that poachers sell the teeth and bones of lions.

[20:59] And Nora brings up the anti-poachers who haunted kill poachers.

[21:04] And Martin seems a little awkward.

Stuart Wellington

[21:07] Like, is that me?

[21:09] Who knows?

[21:10] Yes.

[21:12] Yeah.

[21:13] Very Clark Kent when he hears people talk about Superman.

[21:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:17] He seems like a real cool guy.

Stuart Wellington

[21:19] Oh, and his bulge looks huge when he's flying around.

Elliott Kalan

[21:22] There is a Robert Smigel cartoon where this guy, he's a superhero who his job is to save lives and also to get his secret identity laid.

[21:30] And so he'll save a woman and then he'll be like, have you heard of this guy?

[21:33] Some people say he's too much for a woman to handle.

[21:36] And then so she goes on a date with that guy.

[21:39] Oh, that's pretty funny.

[21:40] And then she goes, oh, I have a boyfriend.

[21:43] And the Superman character goes to the boyfriend's office and hurls him into the sun.

[21:46] Oh, no.

Dan McCoy

[21:48] Terrible.

[21:49] During –

[21:50] It's very toasty London.

[21:50] So –

[21:51] I mean, we're not advocating that behavior.

[21:54] Yeah, don't hurl anyone into the sun.

Elliott Kalan

[21:55] I don't endorse hurling anyone into the sun, whether they're going out with someone you're interested in or not.

[22:00] Just don't do it.

[22:01] Just because we describe the actions –

[22:03] Okay, fair point.

[22:04] There are people –

[22:05] If you want to throw Vladimir Putin into the sun, go for it.

[22:08] Go right ahead.

Stuart Wellington

[22:09] Now, just because we describe the actions of a character that we don't necessarily think is cool doesn't mean we assume that they're cool, okay?

[22:17] That's an important distinction to make.

[22:18] Yes, exactly.

Dan McCoy

[22:19] Yeah, depiction, endorsement, et cetera.

[22:23] Anyway, so during our tour that we're on –

Elliott Kalan

[22:26] I think you made it less clear, Dan, with that brief summary.

[22:30] You know.

Dan McCoy

[22:30] Fiction, endorsement, et cetera.

[22:34] During their tour, they find this village that seems mysteriously abandoned.

[22:39] Ooh.

[22:40] Martin sees something he wants to shield the girls from.

[22:42] Turns out it's a bunch of dead villagers.

[22:46] Martin says it could only be a lion, but it's unlike any lion he's ever seen.

[22:50] And he's nervous because the absence of hyenas around feeding on the bodies means the lion is probably still around.

Elliott Kalan

[22:59] And also that the lion left his calling card, an ace of spades.

Stuart Wellington

[23:03] Oh, wow.

[23:04] Kind of cliched there, lion.

Elliott Kalan

[23:07] And the lion's not aware of how much that's been used in pop culture.

[23:11] The lion's like, what do you want me to use, an eight of hearts?

[23:15] Uh-huh, yep.

Stuart Wellington

[23:15] And he scrawled – in blood, he scrawled, why so serious?

[23:19] And I'm like, oh, that's intellectual property theft, dog.

[23:21] Fine, fine.

Elliott Kalan

[23:22] Here's the instructions card.

[23:24] I'll leave that behind as my calling card.

[23:26] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[23:28] Meanwhile, the kids are outside, and Mara has somehow misplaced Nora in like 30 seconds.

Stuart Wellington

[23:33] There's like a maze out there.

Elliott Kalan

[23:36] Yeah.

[23:37] This is one of the issues with the movie is that the kids are constantly making bad decisions for getting lost.

[23:44] He's like, I'm going to go sneak up on a lion.

[23:47] And they're on the walkie-talkie going, dad, talk to me.

[23:49] Dad, dad, hey, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.

[23:52] Which, on the other hand, is very believable.

[23:53] It's what my kids would do all the time.

Stuart Wellington

[23:55] I feel like that's – in an attempt to be realistic, they have these kids.

[23:59] The kids are – I'm going to say I found them to be kind of annoying, especially in any of the like stressful situations.

[24:06] But I also don't have children, so I wouldn't put myself in that situation.

[24:11] Elliot, do you find that if you were being attacked by a killer lion, your kids would be, let's just say, annoying the whole time?

Elliott Kalan

[24:18] Well, let's judge it.

[24:20] Usually in stressful situations, yes, they add to that stress.

[24:23] They don't subtract from it.

[24:24] And if we compare it to just an everyday situation like I need to use the bathroom, something that humans do every day, then yes, they would continue to knock on the door.

[24:33] Try to get into the room, say dad, dad, try to slip things under the door, try to kneel down and see if they can see me under the bottom of the door.

[24:40] So yes, if I was being attacked by a lion, they would be trying to get my attention.

Dan McCoy

[24:44] Now, what is their endgame there?

[24:45] What do they think – do they want to see the act of defecation?

[24:50] Like this seems like they haven't thought it through on their end.

Elliott Kalan

[24:53] No, usually it's that they want me to do something for them.

[24:56] Maybe they want me to get them a glass of water.

[24:58] Or maybe they just thought of something they want to tell me about about a baseball game.

[25:02] And the only time to tell me is now when I'm using the bathroom.

Stuart Wellington

[25:05] You should get them one of those like water things, like a water fountain that spits out water that I got my cats.

[25:12] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[25:12] I feel like sort of an automatic feeder for you.

Elliott Kalan

[25:15] Yeah, like an automatic feeder for your kids.

[25:16] We do have a refrigerator with a water dispenser that they have access to.

[25:20] It's more – it's not a lack of ability.

[25:23] It's a lack of motivation to do it for themselves.

[25:25] Sure, okay.

Dan McCoy

[25:26] Sure, sure.

[25:27] I understand.

[25:28] I had like a motivation.

Elliott Kalan

[25:29] And if I got that kind of water fountain thing for them that a cat uses, I imagine they would use it for a little bit out of novelty.

[25:35] Then they'd pee in it as a joke and then they'd forget it existed and it would just clumber the house.

Dan McCoy

[25:39] Yeah, the life cycle.

Elliott Kalan

[25:41] Beautiful, as David Attenborough tells us.

Dan McCoy

[25:45] But so, yeah, Mare has misplaced Nora.

[25:49] Idris is scared for a little while, but then she's just wandered off to find a dead body.

[25:55] And so they all leave –

Stuart Wellington

[25:56] I mean they're all over the place.

Dan McCoy

[25:58] Yeah.

[25:59] They leave dead body town and they find an injured villager.

[26:02] They shouldn't have named the village that.

Elliott Kalan

[26:04] Yeah.

[26:04] They're asking for it.

Dan McCoy

[26:06] They find an injured villager and Martin hears something and goes off with a rifle while Idris tries to help the villager.

[26:13] And the kids try to radio for help.

[26:15] And Martin goes like way far away considering he's the one guy who has a rifle in this situation.

[26:21] I don't understand.

[26:22] Just stay with the –

[26:23] Terrible tactics.

[26:23] Yeah.

[26:24] Stay with the car.

Elliott Kalan

[26:24] You know men.

[26:26] They get fixed on some idea and they got to follow it.

[26:29] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[26:30] And sometimes they give birth to a bunch of different versions of themselves.

[26:33] Ayo, men, baby.

Dan McCoy

[26:34] Yeah, yeah.

[26:35] High five.

[26:35] Ellie doesn't understand.

[26:37] I haven't seen it.

[26:37] Don't know what you're talking about.

[26:38] I saw him talking about the movie Junior.

[26:39] Oh, look at Ellie doesn't understand.

[26:41] Yeah.

[26:42] Kind of.

[26:44] Yeah.

[26:44] A lot of people make bad choices in this movie.

[26:46] But so we hear, as Elliot said, a lot of the action takes place off screen.

[26:52] We hear a gunshot.

[26:53] We don't know what happened to Martin right away.

Elliott Kalan

[26:55] I'm like, what is this, the end of French Connection?

[26:57] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[26:58] Yep.

[26:59] Idris goes looking for him and is chased back to the Jeep by the titular beast, the lion.

[27:06] Dan, wait a minute.

Elliott Kalan

[27:06] I would, maybe the beast is man because it's the poachers who caused this whole problem.

[27:13] Could be.

[27:13] So we don't know.

[27:14] Yeah, that's a good point.

[27:15] So this is the first time we really get to-

[27:16] Let me just look at the logo of the movie.

[27:17] Oh, no, the logo of the movie has lion scratches on it.

[27:19] So it's probably the lion that's the beast.

[27:20] Although, if the beast is the one getting scratched, then again, it's the person who's the beast.

Stuart Wellington

[27:25] When Ellie goes to buy a monster energy drink, he's like, I wonder if the monster is man, baby.

Elliott Kalan

[27:30] No, wait, there's giant claw marks.

[27:32] Humans don't have claws.

[27:33] I wonder if the real energy drink is man.

Dan McCoy

[27:36] It could be that the beast is the beast from Beauty and the Beast.

[27:40] And he's just off camera the whole time watching everything that's happening.

Elliott Kalan

[27:44] We have to assume either that or Hank McCoy, Beast of the X-Men.

[27:46] And he's just, yeah, off camera commenting.

[27:49] And they removed all that commentary.

Dan McCoy

[27:50] Whoever the beast is, there's a frenzied lion that affects Idris Elba who jumps in the Jeep.

[27:58] But, you know, like the lion's trying to get in.

[28:00] Trying to get in, yeah.

[28:01] He grabs his legs, but Mare drives off, which saves him for the moment.

[28:05] But they also immediately drive into a tree.

[28:08] Uh-huh.

[28:09] Yep.

[28:09] Makes sense.

Stuart Wellington

[28:11] So this is kind of the first real look we get at our hero villain, anti-hero, the beast, the lion.

[28:18] Anti-hero.

[28:19] And he's, you know, he's not looking great.

[28:23] He's got like blood caked all over his face.

[28:25] His hair kind of looks like.

[28:28] He's had a rough couple of days.

[28:29] Yeah.

[28:30] He's got his hair.

[28:31] His mane looks like he's in a hair metal band.

Elliott Kalan

[28:34] Yeah.

[28:34] You're saying he's got blood on his face.

[28:35] Big disgrace.

[28:37] Somebody better put him back into his place.

[28:39] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[28:40] Martin, lo and behold, is not dead.

[28:43] He calls Idris on the walkie-talkie.

[28:46] His knee has gotten torn up by the lion.

[28:48] Martin, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[28:49] Now, Dan, did you really sympathize with that?

[28:51] Him having a brutal knee injury that put him down for the count?

[28:53] Wow, that's a fucking callback, dude.

[28:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[28:56] I mean, considering.

Elliott Kalan

[28:57] Long time flop house listeners will know that Dan tore his ACL at one point and we got a lot of mileage out of it.

[29:02] I mean, people laugh about it.

Dan McCoy

[29:03] Yeah, but considering that at this point, you know, like a peek behind my, into my life, I have early onset some sort of mild arthritis that may be related to other physical problems that I'm getting examined.

[29:23] Who knows?

[29:24] But also, but like my knee still bothers me.

[29:27] My knee still bothers me a little.

[29:29] Yeah.

[29:29] So I shouldn't poke fun at it, much as I shouldn't poke your knee.

[29:31] You can poke fun at it.

Stuart Wellington

[29:33] Is that why you're looking at the storm clouds overhead and you're like, I feel it in my bones.

Dan McCoy

[29:40] I've never noticed whether it goes with the weather.

[29:43] I do have like, it is intermittent weather like aches or not, but.

[29:47] Sounds like someone's got a journal they have to keep.

[29:50] That's the knee report.

Stuart Wellington

[29:50] Somebody needs to go sit on a porch.

Dan McCoy

[29:56] Drink some Bartles and James.

[29:58] Yes.

[30:00] So, yeah.

[30:02] Martin is dizzy and disoriented.

[30:04] Idris tells him to make a tourniquet, but he's already done that and it hasn't helped.

[30:07] So he has Martin cauterize his wound with his lighter and a knife.

Stuart Wellington

[30:12] Because that's his character trait is he always has his Zippo on it.

[30:15] Mm-hmm.

[30:15] Which will matter later.

Dan McCoy

[30:17] Yeah.

[30:19] And he yells at pain, which draws the lion who just stares at Martin, doesn't attack.

[30:25] And Martin theorizes that he's the bait to draw the rest of them out.

[30:29] Man, this lion's crafty.

[30:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:30] So if this movie was called Bait, we would know it was referring to Martin.

[30:33] Yeah.

[30:33] It's called Beast.

[30:34] So we're not quite sure.

[30:35] We still don't know.

Dan McCoy

[30:36] Yeah.

[30:36] And it would have Jamie Foxx in it if it was called Bait.

[30:41] He was in that, right?

[30:42] The movie Bait?

[30:43] It was just like a Tony Scott movie or?

[30:46] I don't know.

[30:46] I don't know, Dan.

[30:47] No.

[30:48] Did you invent this movie?

[30:49] I'm going to do a quick little bit of research here.

[30:50] Yeah.

[30:50] It was Jamie Foxx Bait.

Stuart Wellington

[30:51] Yeah.

[30:52] From 2000.

[30:52] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:53] So this is, and one of the things that.

[30:56] And featuring Jason Jones in the role of guard.

[30:59] Oh, I know somebody in this movie.

[31:00] Yeah.

[31:00] Okay.

[31:00] Interesting.

[31:01] So because.

[31:02] You should run out and watch it.

[31:03] This movie features a lot of people.

[31:04] Guys, it sounds like you're going to watch this movie I've never heard of from 23 years

[31:07] ago.

[31:08] It was directed by Antoine Fuqua, Dan.

[31:10] Oh, okay.

[31:10] I understand.

Elliott Kalan

[31:10] He's kind of like a Tony Scott-like director.

[31:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[31:13] Similar sort of flesh.

[31:14] Uh-huh.

[31:15] Now, because this movie features a lot of people getting attacked by a lion, we get a lot of

[31:21] like pretty gross effects.

[31:24] Like a lot of like body harm effects.

[31:27] It's not like, you know, people are just lying around.

[31:30] Like their bodies are all fucked up and gross, right?

[31:33] Unfortunately, though, you would think that Idris Elba being attacked by a lion at some

[31:36] point would rip his shirt off or somebody would get hurt and he'd have to take his shirt off

[31:40] to create a tourniquet.

[31:41] Never happens.

[31:42] Feels like a missed opportunity.

[31:44] Yeah.

[31:44] The shirt remains on his body.

[31:46] Especially as they mention how hot it is.

Dan McCoy

[31:49] If you want a movie about a big cat and a nude Idris Elba, you got to watch Cats.

Stuart Wellington

[31:57] You got to watch Cats.

[31:57] Yeah.

[31:59] Oh my God.

[32:00] Do you think he was like, okay, so you got to make sure the line moves like this because

[32:05] I know all about cats.

[32:07] All about cats.

Dan McCoy

[32:08] Yeah.

[32:08] And he does a little dance.

[32:14] Let's just say I was ineffable.

[32:17] Idris takes the tranq rifle out to try and he's going to stand on the Jeep hoping to get

[32:22] a shot at the lion.

[32:25] Mare gets out of the car like an idiot, as I have in my notes, which distracts Idris enough

[32:31] that he gets knocked off the Jeep by the lion and has to hide under it while the lion is,

[32:35] you know, pawing at him, trying to grab him.

[32:38] He's able to get the gun but can't shoot it.

[32:40] But Nora from within the Jeep takes a tranq dart and stabs the lion.

[32:45] The lion goes off for a while.

[32:47] I like that.

[32:48] I thought that was a cool way to get out of that moment.

Elliott Kalan

[32:49] Yeah.

[32:50] And I thought that it was shot from overhead.

[32:51] It looked really cool.

[32:52] It was one of those things where like the doing things in these long or faux long takes really

[32:58] helped it because it made it more subtle than if it was like cut to her picking up the

[33:02] tranq, her hand, cut to the lion's butt, cut to a closeup of her hand with the tranq,

[33:06] cut to a closeup of it going in, lion falls down.

[33:08] Like it was just so fast.

[33:09] More cuts.

[33:10] More cuts.

[33:10] Taking three levels of cuts.

[33:12] I need as many cuts as Liam Neeson climbing up a wire fence.

Dan McCoy

[33:16] Now, although I, you know, I'm hard on her, Mare has at least gotten to Martin, is able

[33:22] to bring him back to the Jeep where Idris gives him medical attention.

Stuart Wellington

[33:27] You said that as if it was romantic.

[33:30] Medical attention.

[33:31] Medical attention.

[33:32] He super glues his leg together or some shit, right?

Dan McCoy

[33:35] Yeah, something like that.

[33:36] Night falls.

[33:37] They all worry about how much water they have.

[33:40] Mare is angry at her dad about stuff with their dead mom.

[33:43] It's all kind of, as I write in here, pro forma backstory that I do not care about.

[33:48] I mean, I understand that it is a little more interesting than the lion, the early stuff about this.

[33:54] But in general, it feels like stuff that has been added just because they're like, it can't just be enough that they want to survive a lion.

[34:01] Yeah, certainly.

[34:02] Like the father also has to prove himself to be a father or whatever.

Stuart Wellington

[34:05] It's like when you're reading Cujo and you're like, just get to Cujo already.

Elliott Kalan

[34:09] Well, I think the theme of he's finally proving himself as a father who can take care of his kids and protect them, just like the lion is protecting its pride or whatever, is a good theme.

[34:19] But yeah, they don't need to talk about it here.

[34:22] It is enough that they could just be like, usually when you're in a stressful situation, I mean, in your stressful situation, things come out.

[34:29] Like you say things that, but at the same time, you don't remind everybody of everybody's backstory usually.

[34:35] It does feel like it comes out of nowhere where it's like, uh-oh, we're in danger because of this lion.

[34:39] Why aren't you there for mom?

Dan McCoy

[34:41] Hold on.

[34:43] Wait.

[34:44] So even later, the kids are asleep.

[34:48] Martin and Idris are talking.

[34:49] Sure, time is linear in this movie.

[34:50] Yeah.

[34:51] Well, no, I just, it's funny that there's like these two like nighttime talks that they have.

[34:55] And one is like between the kids and the dad.

[34:58] And then Martin and Idris are talking.

[35:02] And it's about what?

Elliott Kalan

[35:03] Now you're talking about nighttime talks.

[35:05] It makes me wonder, you've worked in the talk show comedy variety field.

[35:09] Do you think this is a good pitch for a show?

[35:11] Okay, you get a host, charismatic host.

[35:13] You have guests.

[35:14] They're inside of a Jeep.

[35:15] And a lion is trying to eat them while they promote whatever project they've got coming up.

Dan McCoy

[35:19] You know, doing desk bits.

Elliott Kalan

[35:20] But there's always a lion outside that's trying to eat them.

[35:22] What do you think of that as a pitch?

[35:23] What do you think of that?

Dan McCoy

[35:24] It involves a car.

[35:26] And carpool karaoke was very popular.

[35:29] It was a big hit.

[35:30] It was big enough that it floated an entire terrible show for years.

[35:34] Wow.

[35:35] Roasted.

[35:38] Yeah, maybe lion fight karaoke or lion fight talks would be enough.

[35:44] I mean, I was just going to call it the lion show.

Elliott Kalan

[35:46] But yeah, I mean, you could.

[35:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:48] Lion car.

[35:49] Lion V car.

[35:50] The talk show.

Elliott Kalan

[35:51] Lion V car.

[35:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[35:54] Or the nightly lion, you know?

[35:56] True lions.

Elliott Kalan

[35:58] Okay.

[35:59] I mean, that's not.

[36:00] I mean, I guess.

[36:00] And the premise is like, you've got to tell the truth even though a lion is trying to attack.

[36:05] Uh-huh.

[36:05] But you're also a secret agent.

[36:07] It's like, okay.

[36:08] So it's not.

[36:08] I was going to say it's like hot ones with a lion instead of spicy food.

[36:11] But the secret agent thing really puts it more in the true lies world than in the talk show world.

[36:15] Yeah.

[36:16] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:17] You know, if we make this show, I know a good place where we can get some secondhand lions.

[36:21] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[36:25] Where?

[36:26] The fucking bargain bin at Blockbuster?

[36:28] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:29] Dan, the last time I tried to get a secondhand lion, I ended up with an old actor.

[36:33] I don't want that to happen this time.

Dan McCoy

[36:36] Anyway, Martin correctly theorizes that this lion is specifically angry at humans because poachers killed his pride.

[36:45] Yeah.

[36:45] And then you have a dream sequence that I immediately clock as a dream sequence so it doesn't shock me where Idris wakes up and his kids aren't there.

[36:53] And they get pounced on by the lion.

Stuart Wellington

[36:57] There's like nested dream sequences, right?

[36:59] Where he has one dream and there's another dream.

Elliott Kalan

[37:01] And maybe it's possible the whole movie is a dream.

Stuart Wellington

[37:03] Oh, wow.

[37:04] Actually, it makes a lot of sense because there's no way a conductor would interrupt an orchestra, guys.

Dan McCoy

[37:11] I fucking hate that.

[37:13] Like a lot of bizarre stuff happens in the second half, but you know what?

[37:19] A lot of bizarre stuff happens in the first half, too.

[37:21] I know.

Elliott Kalan

[37:21] We're talking tar, everybody.

[37:22] And also like—

[37:23] This is our segment, Tar Talk.

[37:25] Talking tar.

[37:25] It has never been true.

[37:27] This is tar talk.

[37:28] A steward is flick and Dan is flack and I'm flar.

[37:30] And we're the tar brothers.

[37:33] So while you're going to call us in with your problems with tar and we'll help you talk your way through them.

Dan McCoy

[37:37] It has certainly never been true in a movie that the film reflects the mental state of the main character without it being a dream or false in somewhat.

[37:52] Like this is so annoying to me.

Elliott Kalan

[37:54] I haven't been part of the tarversation on the internet, so I've missed some of this.

[37:58] But is that the argument?

[37:59] It's kind of a moving target.

[38:01] Is that the target?

Dan McCoy

[38:01] That's the target of their tar argument?

[38:04] No, there's some doofuses out there.

[38:06] I mean including—I shouldn't say doofuses.

[38:08] Some people on the internet, including Mark Harris, who I respect very much, who is a great writer about entertainment but not in this particular instance do I agree with him,

[38:19] who are like, oh, you know, like the second part of the movie is filled with so many like improbabilities and strangeness that like it is, you know, a fantasy version of like her own downfall or whatever.

[38:33] And I'm like, why?

[38:35] Like why do you—like they could be just expressionistic, you know, sort of filmmaking that reflects her mental state without it being like it was all a dream or whatever bullshit that makes it boring.

[38:47] I mean I agree.

Elliott Kalan

[38:48] It does make it less interesting to me if it's posited as a dream.

[38:52] On the other hand, I've been disappointed so many times by Tar, both by the fact that the character of Tar's Tarkus from the John Carter stories never shows up.

[39:02] And also that at no point does she conduct a performance of Tarkus, the Emerson, Lake, and Bomber album about an armadillo tank that has adventures.

[39:10] So Tar has already got a few demerits in my book.

[39:13] I guess you make good points.

[39:17] But I will say, yeah, I also—I'm also on team Tar reality, I guess, not Dream.

[39:22] But you know what, Dan?

[39:23] Here's the amazing thing.

[39:24] What?

[39:24] It's the same movie whether Mark Harris says that or whether you disagree with him.

[39:28] It's not like Todd Fields is like, all right, I guess I have to put in a shot of her waking up at the end.

[39:33] And she looks at the camera and goes, mamma mia, what a dream.

Dan McCoy

[39:35] Who were those?

[39:36] What a tar mare.

[39:37] It plays into a whole group of dumb internet fan theories that draw on stuff that's outside the text.

Stuart Wellington

[39:47] Which, by us talking about it, almost gives them more credibility.

Elliott Kalan

[39:51] It reminds me of when I saw Memento not long after it came out and was talking to somebody—

[39:57] Wait, you remembered seeing it?

[39:59] Well, I remember flashes of it, but they're in black and white.

[40:03] Where this person—it was a university screening of it, like a club was watching it.

[40:08] And this person in the discussion was like, what I like to imagine is he's just an insane person.

[40:13] And he's created this whole kind of life for himself that he thinks he remembers as an excuse to kill people.

[40:19] And I wanted to be like, well, way to ruin the movie.

[40:21] Way to just wreck the movie.

[40:23] Why?

Dan McCoy

[40:23] That doesn't make it—okay.

Elliott Kalan

[40:25] But the other thing, there's nothing that stops me from enjoying Memento on the grounds that the movie presents itself on.

[40:30] Yes.

[40:30] When someone else has a dumb theory about it.

Dan McCoy

[40:32] Yeah, I know.

[40:34] Everyone can think what they want, but some things people think are really dumb.

Elliott Kalan

[40:38] Dan, the only thing we're going to have to do, if Mark Harris is saying that,

[40:41] we're going to have to get Mike Nichols' ghost to come back and watch Tar and tell us what he thinks.

[40:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[40:45] Yeah.

[40:46] You know nothing of Tar, he says.

[40:51] Anyway, the second part of the dream sequence is he briefly dreams of his wife,

[40:55] which sort of inspires him to ask for forgiveness from Mare,

[40:59] which he doesn't give him at that moment because other stuff happens.

[41:02] The movie's not over yet.

[41:03] The radio comes to life.

[41:05] A vehicle arrives, but of course—

Elliott Kalan

[41:06] Now, when you say the radio comes to life, it just starts working.

[41:09] It's not Killdozer or something.

[41:11] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:12] You forgot about me.

Elliott Kalan

[41:14] Ricky Radio.

[41:15] Hey, hey.

Dan McCoy

[41:17] I know how to deal with a lion.

Elliott Kalan

[41:20] But here's the thing.

[41:21] So this movie is crazy.

Dan McCoy

[41:22] I play The Lion Sleeps Tonight.

Elliott Kalan

[41:24] Music will soothe the savage beast.

[41:26] This is a pretty straightforward survival thriller.

[41:29] How would you have reacted if the radio suddenly came to life and became a character?

Dan McCoy

[41:32] I mean, I got to say that that bumps up at least a star in my head.

[41:38] Yes.

[41:40] Anyway, the radio crackles and someone is out there.

[41:45] Prior, they had not been able to rouse anyone on the radio, but a vehicle arrives.

[41:50] It's the poachers.

[41:52] And of course, tensions flare when they see Martin, who they identify as one of the anti-poachers.

[41:59] And they know that if they touch them, they'll explode, like I said before.

[42:02] Yep, yep, yep.

[42:03] Call back.

[42:03] And then the lion shows up and attacks, and all the poachers scatter.

Elliott Kalan

[42:08] The lion knows to kill the poachers first.

[42:11] First.

Dan McCoy

[42:12] Yeah.

[42:12] He hates them the most.

[42:14] Yeah, he hates them the most.

[42:15] He knows that other humans are possibly dangerous.

Elliott Kalan

[42:18] But like a good dungeon master, he's going to go after the NPCs to give our hero characters,

[42:23] our players, some time to get their strategy together.

Stuart Wellington

[42:25] The poachers all have guns and weapons.

[42:28] Our heroes do not.

Elliott Kalan

[42:30] I don't know how good lion's identification of machinery is, but maybe they recognize the guns.

[42:36] I mean, this one's amazing.

[42:36] He's great.

Dan McCoy

[42:37] I mean, yeah.

[42:38] Yeah.

[42:38] He's smell the...

[42:40] The cordite on their fingers.

[42:43] Sure.

[42:44] Anyway, Idris wants to steal one of their trucks, but the keys aren't in the truck, so he goes

[42:48] looking for the keys.

Elliott Kalan

[42:49] And to be honest, it was foolish of him to think the keys would just be in the truck.

Dan McCoy

[42:52] These poachers, they didn't just start this yesterday.

[42:54] Sure.

[42:54] They've been doing this for a while.

[42:56] And yet again, it's too dark for me to really see what's going on.

[43:00] At one point, Idris hides from the lion in a tree and almost gets bitten by a snake,

[43:04] but grabs the snake.

Stuart Wellington

[43:05] That's pretty cool, though, right?

[43:07] And then he throws the snake, and he drops the snake on the lion.

Dan McCoy

[43:12] Yeah.

[43:12] Meanwhile, back at the jeep...

Elliott Kalan

[43:14] He's turning his enemies against each other for his own benefit.

Dan McCoy

[43:18] Yeah.

[43:18] An injured poacher briefly tries to get into the jeep.

[43:21] A bunch of stuff happens I can't see.

[43:24] He's waiting through the river.

[43:25] I had some trouble following some of this, too.

[43:26] It was very dark.

[43:27] Yeah.

[43:28] But he eventually does find the keys to this truck.

[43:32] Back at the jeep, the lion is trying to get in and puts his head through the window,

[43:36] and the kids are able to escape.

[43:38] But the thrashing of the lion in the window sends the jeep with Martin inside it and the

[43:44] lion tumbling down the hill.

[43:46] And Martin sacrifices himself at this point by using his lighter to set the leaking gas on fire.

[43:55] And I didn't really see what happened.

[43:57] I mean, like, the lion shows up later.

[43:58] Spoiler alert.

[43:59] The lion's not dead.

[44:00] But I'm not sure how the lion...

[44:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[44:00] There's no scene of the lion going, ooh, hot, hot, hot, and patting himself out with

[44:04] his paws, you know?

[44:06] Yeah.

[44:07] He has movie bad guy rules where he, off camera, if you don't see him dead, then he has...

[44:12] Yeah, he shows up.

Stuart Wellington

[44:13] He's, like, singed later.

[44:15] Yeah.

[44:16] It is...

Elliott Kalan

[44:17] He has big cartoon bandages and X's all over him to show that he's taking some damage.

[44:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:22] It is suddenly daylight.

[44:24] It kind of surprised me how it was suddenly daytime, but...

[44:27] That's called a cut.

[44:28] Yeah.

[44:29] No, I know, but it didn't seem like it was morning.

[44:33] It just seemed like it was day.

Elliott Kalan

[44:34] Imagine Dan watching Lawrence of Arabia, and he blows out the match, and suddenly it's daylight,

[44:38] and Dan is like, hold on.

[44:41] What just happened?

Dan McCoy

[44:42] Where'd the sun come from?

[44:44] It just seemed like a pretty...

[44:48] It's full daylight.

[44:50] Mare is injured.

[44:51] Idris is driving the poacher's truck, and for some reason that I still...

[44:55] He's been driving all night.

Stuart Wellington

[44:56] His hands wet on the wheel.

Dan McCoy

[44:57] Yeah.

[44:58] Don't really understand.

[45:00] Like, I guess the idea is that Mare needs immediate attention.

[45:04] She needs medical attention.

[45:05] But it just doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense the way that he's like, so I'm gonna

[45:11] stop the car here, and like, way far away from this abandoned school that they go to that

[45:18] turns out to be a poacher's hideout.

[45:20] And they like, walk up to it, and they try and deal with it at the lodge, rather than just like, pedal to the metal, get to a town.

Stuart Wellington

[45:28] He's worried he's gonna run out of gas in the middle of nowhere, as opposed to having shelter.

[45:32] And it's also conveniently located near the Pride of Lions we had seen earlier in the movie.

[45:39] And great schools.

Dan McCoy

[45:40] It's a great school district.

[45:41] I heard the excuses the movie made.

[45:44] Okay.

[45:45] I didn't buy them.

[45:46] I think that...

Elliott Kalan

[45:46] I mean, I think that if the movie had done a better job of...

[45:50] I mean, the movie is shot really...

[45:53] Fairly tight to them.

[45:54] We don't get a lot of, like, huge, big landscapes.

[45:56] And I think if the movie did a better job of communicating just how far away from a human

[46:02] settlement they are, it would make a little bit more sense.

[46:04] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[46:05] They could even say that, like, the fucking gas tank's almost empty.

Elliott Kalan

[46:09] Well, and a better job of making her seem more injured.

[46:12] And we're making...

[46:13] Because as it is, it's hard to tell how injured she is.

[46:14] I agree with Dan that it seemed weird to me.

[46:16] It's like, I can tell myself why they're doing it, but while watching it, I was like, wait, just keep driving.

[46:21] Yeah.

[46:22] But that might also be because I'm in the middle of watching Red Rock West right now, and I keep saying, just leave the town.

[46:28] Why are you going back to the town?

Dan McCoy

[46:30] Doesn't he keep trying?

Elliott Kalan

[46:31] He keeps trying, but sometimes he gets convinced to go back.

[46:34] And we're like, you're about to escape.

[46:35] Is that streaming somewhere?

[46:37] It was illegally uploaded to Vimeo.

[46:39] It's not streaming anywhere.

[46:40] Okay.

[46:41] Because it's so hard to find.

[46:42] And I was just reading Keith Phipps' Age of Cage, and it made me really want to go back and re-watch Red Rock West.

[46:46] It's great.

[46:47] Because I haven't watched it in a long time.

[46:48] And it's a great book.

[46:50] I highly recommend it.

[46:51] But yeah, watching it, I'm like, come on.

[46:53] You gotta...

[46:54] This is your shot.

[46:54] Don't go back to the town.

[46:56] But it's not streaming anywhere.

[46:57] It's a hard movie to find.

[46:58] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[46:59] I want to re-watch.

[46:59] I saw The Last Seduction again recently because Nighthawk did it.

[47:04] I haven't watched that in a long time.

[47:06] Yeah.

[47:06] It was really great to revisit.

Elliott Kalan

[47:07] Those are both movies that I just watched when I was too young to really get them.

[47:11] I watched them around the time they came out.

[47:13] And I kept hearing like, oh, these are amazing movies.

[47:15] And I was like an adolescent.

[47:16] And so Last Seduction really went over my head.

[47:19] Not that I didn't find certain things to enjoy in it at that age.

[47:21] But with Red Rock West, I didn't really know the...

[47:24] I didn't know the tropes it was kind of playing with.

[47:26] So there was part of me at the time where I was all even more so like, get out of town.

[47:30] What are you doing?

Dan McCoy

[47:32] Anyway, back in Beastland.

[47:34] Pardon me.

Elliott Kalan

[47:35] What a fun place that would be.

Stuart Wellington

[47:37] I mean, it's Gur, the realm of beasts in the Warhammer Age of Sigmar mythology.

[47:43] But I mean, we don't have to talk about Gur that much if you don't want to.

[47:47] Like the Savage Heartlands or the Galatian Peninsula.

Elliott Kalan

[47:50] Okay, we don't have to get to talk about it.

[47:52] Great.

[47:53] I mean, we certainly could talk about it a little bit, right?

[47:55] We don't have to though.

[47:56] So why?

[47:57] What if we decided to take the choice to do it?

[47:59] We could.

[48:00] Maybe we could talk about the mountain that was formed by Cragness.

[48:03] Life doesn't have to be just about necessity.

[48:05] We can do things just because we want to also.

Dan McCoy

[48:08] No, it's true.

[48:09] But I don't want to.

[48:11] So Idris is looking for something to help, you know, to do his doctor's work.

[48:17] And that gives time for the lion to show up.

Stuart Wellington

[48:21] Idris scares him.

[48:21] Because they didn't even close the door, dude.

[48:24] They just left that shit wide open.

Elliott Kalan

[48:26] They're making a lot of fool moves.

[48:27] But that's what characters in these kind of movies do is they do foolish things.

[48:30] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[48:30] He scares it away with one of the poacher's guns.

[48:34] And he says, we got to get out of here.

[48:35] And I'm like, no shit, dude.

[48:37] Why did you get out of the truck in the first place?

[48:39] Why did you get into here?

Stuart Wellington

[48:40] It's weird because he continues behaving as if Dan didn't say that to me.

[48:44] I know.

Dan McCoy

[48:45] You should take my advice.

Elliott Kalan

[48:47] I love that Dan's watching Harmony in a theater.

[48:50] He's going, don't go in there.

[48:52] And they do.

[48:52] And he turns to Audrey and he goes, nobody listens to me.

[48:54] They never listen.

Dan McCoy

[48:56] They never listen.

[48:57] So Idris hides the kids in a safe room.

[49:00] And then this is the wild part to me.

[49:03] This is the part that makes no sense.

[49:05] He just goes outside to go, mano a lion-o with the beast.

[49:11] Yeah, he's trying to like lure it away.

[49:13] You don't mean lion-o from any cats.

[49:14] Just a lion.

[49:14] No, that would be great.

Stuart Wellington

[49:16] Yeah, he's trying to lure it away.

[49:18] But I'm like, it's just going to eat you and then go back and eat them later.

Dan McCoy

[49:21] Yeah, he goes out like way like just into the open.

Elliott Kalan

[49:25] Now, this is where there's a cut that I had issues with because he leaves the house and it cuts.

[49:29] And suddenly he's in an open plane somewhere or desert.

[49:33] And I was like, so was the lion just kind of, was he taunting the lion this whole time?

[49:37] Or they were talking to each other as they walked over there?

[49:39] Why did the lion not jump on him the first chance it got?

[49:41] It seemed like in any kind of Godzilla or Ultraman type thing or Dragon Ball where no matter where they were when they fight, suddenly they're in a desert with no things around them that they have to worry about breaking.

[49:53] So it was a very strange thing.

Dan McCoy

[49:54] Well, and also this seems to be like this is going to be the man versus lion, no holds barred.

[49:59] The build up here.

[50:00] Fighting action we've been waiting all the movie for.

[50:01] This is what we came to be for.

[50:02] This is what we came to be for.

Dan McCoy

[50:02] Movie for.

[50:03] And, you know, he tries to like stab it and hit it with a stick.

[50:07] But mostly he just gets like batted and harassed by this lion.

[50:10] Fucking torn up.

[50:10] As you would expect.

[50:11] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[50:12] But I would say the lion does not seem to be putting his all into this.

[50:15] And I know the lion at this point has been exploded, stabbed with a tranquilizer.

[50:18] Yes.

[50:18] But the lion is, I was like Idris Elba is not putting up that much of a fight and the lion is not putting up that much of a fight.

[50:24] And it's like the hallway scene in Oldboy, if you started that fight two minutes in, where they're already tired, you know?

[50:31] Yep.

[50:32] So it's not the most spectacular fight between a man and a lion, I guess is what I'm saying.

Dan McCoy

[50:35] Yeah.

[50:36] But, I mean, over and above that, like, it's still pretty once – I mean, like, Idris is being beat the fuck up by this lion.

[50:43] Yeah.

[50:44] Which, again, probably what would happen in real life.

Elliott Kalan

[50:47] I think we'd have some criticisms if Idris Elba was easily besting a lion with his fits.

[50:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:53] Yeah, like in, like, Tekken 2 or whatever, where you can play as Kuma the bear and all of a sudden Eddie Gordo – that's actually Tekken 3.

[51:00] Eddie Gordo is just doing capoeira moves and knocking the shit out of this bear.

[51:04] And I'm like, I don't think that's what would happen.

Elliott Kalan

[51:07] So I would say that –

[51:08] I'm going to have to talk to the Tekken ombudsman about that.

Dan McCoy

[51:12] If I was giving Beast grades at this point, I would say, okay, Beast.

[51:16] I mean, at least Yoshimitsu is a fucking cyborg.

Stuart Wellington

[51:19] That makes sense.

[51:20] But Law, that's just a martial artist.

Elliott Kalan

[51:22] I mean, just the fact that you could set up a scenario in that game where a bear is up against a piece of meat and the meat has a chance of winning.

[51:28] When in reality, the bear would just eat that meat.

[51:30] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:31] Anyway, getting back to the thing I was saying.

Stuart Wellington

[51:33] For more of our Tekken humor.

[51:36] I mean, even Werner Herzog would agree with us.

[51:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:40] Even for more of our Tekken talk, please tune into NPR's Tek Talk or Car Tech.

[51:45] We're still working on the title.

[51:46] Anyway, we're the Tek brothers, Tekken Tak, and we help people with their Tekken problems.

[51:50] They call it.

Dan McCoy

[51:51] Point is, the movie at this point gets an A for accuracy of fight with the beast.

[51:58] Yeah.

[51:58] But an F for excitement of climax because he just gets beaten up and then Martin's friend, Banshee, comes in and we hear off-screen noises of him coming in to save Idris Elba.

Stuart Wellington

[52:16] Well, specifically, he has lured this lion close to the other pride of lions.

[52:23] Yes.

[52:23] And after they fight, the other male lions kind of start to surround him.

Dan McCoy

[52:28] I did forget that part, which I found ridiculous.

[52:31] You know what?

[52:32] I take back the A for accuracy because I do not believe that the quote-unquote good pride of lions would be like, hey, that's the friend of the guy that we're friends with.

Elliott Kalan

[52:43] We're going to step in against our own lion kin.

[52:47] Here's where I would believe it.

[52:49] Earlier on, Martin is hugging those lions, and he keeps saying to Idris Elba, you want a lion hug?

[52:55] You want to hug a lion?

[52:56] And Idris Elba's like, I'm fine, man.

[52:57] I'm fine.

[52:57] I need to hug a lion.

[52:58] He should have hugged those lions.

[53:00] And then later on, at least, you could say, oh, they've had a personal experience with this guy.

[53:05] So they at least have some connection with him as opposed to, oh, we're good lions.

[53:09] And that's our friend's friend that we remember from earlier yesterday.

[53:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[53:15] Yeah.

[53:15] I didn't buy these lions turning on their own to save Idris Elba.

Elliott Kalan

[53:19] I mean, lion prides do fight each other, I guess.

[53:23] But yeah, it did feel weird.

[53:25] And the bad lion isn't even trying.

[53:28] He's not like, we've got to work together against the human oppressors.

[53:31] You're playing into their hands.

[53:32] This is what they want us to do.

Stuart Wellington

[53:34] Yeah, I mean, I think they can tell that this lion has followed the road of Shura and become a demon of wrath.

[53:41] Shura?

[53:42] Shura.

[53:43] It's in a video game.

[53:45] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[53:46] Well, anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[53:48] Shura could also be in a video game.

[53:50] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[53:51] There's another brief dream Idris has of his wife.

[53:55] Then he wakes up in the hospital with his daughters next to him.

[53:57] And at the end, they go take a photo near a tree that mirrors an earlier photo we saw of his dead wife.

Elliott Kalan

[54:03] It was a tree that his wife was particularly enamored of and took a lot of photographs of.

Dan McCoy

[54:07] Beast, everybody.

Stuart Wellington

[54:09] Beast, everybody.

[54:10] We did it.

[54:11] We break the beast.

[54:12] You made it through it.

[54:14] And we barely interrupted you.

[54:15] I think we deserve a round of applause.

[54:17] Oh, I see.

[54:18] That's how it works.

Elliott Kalan

[54:19] I think we're – I think, Stuart, you're being a little too kind about our interruptions.

Dan McCoy

[54:24] Final judgments.

[54:25] Is this a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie kind of like – I'm going to say this is a movie I didn't, like, mind watching in the way that certain movies that we watch.

[54:37] I'm just like, this is bad.

[54:39] However, I cannot go so far as to say I kind of liked it because it was – it just – there's a thin line between a movie that's like, oh, like, this movie is great because it's so stripped down.

[54:50] It's not doing anything unnecessary and a movie that is just sort of rote and dull.

[54:56] And this movie comes close to being okay.

[55:01] But for me, I don't know.

[55:03] I'll pull back the curtain.

[55:04] It's kind of a rainy day here in Brooklyn and watching a movie with, you know, like, where they didn't put much thought beyond the killer premise, Idris Elba fights a lion, kind of just made me feel more glum because there's just not much to it.

[55:23] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[55:24] So, note to the future filmmakers, don't make a movie that Dan watches on a rainy day.

[55:28] Yeah, rainy.

[55:29] Well, I mean, I'm actually going to back you up on this one.

[55:32] I kind of land in the same spot as you, Dan.

[55:34] I don't necessarily think this movie is made poorly.

[55:38] It's hard for me.

[55:39] I feel like it accomplishes its objective.

[55:42] But I found it kind of unpleasant to watch.

[55:44] And I don't know why.

[55:45] I don't know if it has – like, because if I watch a, like, a killer alligator movie or, like, a killer shark or dinosaur movie, I'm like, fine.

[55:53] This is great.

[55:53] But for some reason, when it's a lion, I'm like, don't hurt that fucking lion.

[55:58] Like, it makes me really upset.

[56:00] And I found – especially the movie opening with a bunch of pride of lions getting shot to pieces.

[56:04] Like, no thanks.

[56:06] Not a fan.

[56:08] I was like, why don't you guys just – why don't you guys team up or something?

[56:11] Like, calm down.

[56:13] So, for me personally, I found it not fun to watch at all.

Elliott Kalan

[56:20] I feel like I'm the Dan McCoy of this episode where I'm going to be gentler on this movie that you guys are harsher on.

[56:26] Go for it.

[56:26] This was a movie that I did kind of like.

[56:28] I feel like certainly the – I felt the beginning of it when it's just – I don't like seeing lions get shot either.

[56:36] But I also don't like seeing people get shot.

[56:39] And I watch a lot of movies where people get shot.

[56:40] But the – I think the opening stuff with Idris Elba's character and his daughters, I really liked all that stuff.

[56:48] And I thought they were setting it up really well.

[56:51] And I thought that the way those – that the performers were interacting, I liked a lot.

[56:55] The way they were inhabiting a space with the camera, I liked a lot.

[56:58] But it is – once the plot kicks in, it was like the movie was never quite fulfilling what it needed.

[57:03] It was like I want to write like, see me, try harder, you know, on the report card.

[57:09] But I – so I didn't – like the action stuff was not quite up there for me.

[57:14] And once the lion shows up, it was like all the characters got much dumber than they were in the beginning of the movie.

[57:20] That being said though, it's like I had that feeling of like, well, it's a quick stripped down movie.

[57:26] And I feel like the last two Flophouse movies we've seen have aired on the side of being kind of like more bloated messes.

[57:33] And so seeing this one and it's quick and very simple, I was like, okay, yeah, I kind of like this.

[57:39] There are better movies that do the same thing.

[57:42] It's – and certainly by the time it's just Idris Elba getting –

[57:44] Crawl, for instance.

[57:45] Which one?

[57:46] Crawl?

[57:47] Sure, yeah.

[57:48] Or like by the end when it's just Idris Elba being batted around by a lion that's not particularly trying very hard.

[57:55] Certainly the movie had run out of steam.

[57:57] But yeah, I kind of liked it.

[57:59] So murder the lion, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[57:59] Yeah.

[58:00] Yeah, I would say if you're going to watch a movie by another actor who maybe doesn't make the best movie choices a lot of the time,

[58:08] that is a stripped down one word title action film.

[58:12] I watched Plane with Gerard Butler recently.

[58:15] Enjoyed it more other than a fair amount of xenophobia towards Filipinos.

[58:22] But – which wasn't great.

[58:25] But I mean –

Elliott Kalan

[58:26] I could see that being a problem.

[58:27] I can understand why that's not desirable in your movies, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[58:30] Yeah, but that was more to my taste in terms of stripped down action.

[58:36] Anyway.

[58:37] Well, you must be excited for Ship, the sequel.

[58:39] I know, man.

[58:40] And then there's going to be Bicycle after that.

[58:43] Wow.

[58:44] Lime Scooter.

[58:45] Yeah, sure.

[58:46] Yeah, like Forklift.

Elliott Kalan

[58:49] Gerard Butler in.

[58:50] That three-wheeled car Mr. Bean is always knocking over.

[58:54] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[58:56] Hey, let's do some ads for our sponsors.

[59:00] Why don't we do that?

[59:03] I'm doing it.

[59:04] Who are you convincing, Dan?

[59:05] Who needs persuading at this point?

[59:08] I'm vamping while I pull up the ad copy.

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[59:39] What are your favorite social media channels these days?

[59:43] Guys, we don't have time to answer it.

[59:45] I'm in the middle of an ad for Squarespace.

[59:46] Okay.

[59:47] Which has powerful blogging tools to share stories, photos, videos, and updates.

[59:52] Categories share and schedule your work, your posts, to make your content work for you.

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[1:00:12] Now, this is not like a hotel suite.

[1:00:14] This is just a suite in terms of like, you know, it's a linked group of things that help.

[1:00:18] Okay.

[1:00:19] Thank you.

[1:00:19] But that's still good.

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Stuart Wellington

[1:00:38] What I think we all learned today is that there's nothing more dangerous than an angry kitty.

[1:00:44] Now, if you have a lion in your home and you want to make sure that lion is fed well.

[1:00:52] Narrow casting.

[1:00:53] Well, we're going to need to give it some cat food.

[1:00:54] And the best kind of cat food is from Smalls.

[1:00:58] That's why you've got to try Smalls, the protein-packed cat food made with preservative-free ingredients you'd find in your fridge.

[1:01:04] And it's delivered right to your door.

[1:01:07] Smalls works with leading cat nutritionists to create recipes that are exactly what your little lion craves and needs.

[1:01:16] After making the switch to Smalls, 78% of cat owners reported their cats had shinier and softer fur and 90% reported overall health improvements.

[1:01:26] That's a big deal.

[1:01:27] And you can try it risk-free.

[1:01:29] If your cat won't eat their food, they'll refund you.

[1:01:32] We've tried Smalls.

[1:01:34] As I said, my cats cannot get enough of that box.

[1:01:37] And the treats are great.

[1:01:40] And the food certainly smells better than the stuff that you get from just a can.

[1:01:46] I can finally open up a cat food and not get nauseous.

[1:01:51] I feel like that's a little hyperbolic, but it definitely is a better product.

[1:01:56] You can tell it's a better product than the stuff you just find in the store.

[1:02:00] Higher quality ingredients mean a healthier and happier life for your kitty.

[1:02:04] So, head to Smalls.com slash flop and use promo code flop at checkout for 50% off your first order plus free shipping.

[1:02:13] That's the best offer you'll find, but you have to use our code flop for 50% off that first order.

[1:02:19] Just one last time.

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Dan McCoy

[1:02:25] And we also have a j-j-j-jumbotron.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:32] Imagine Swamp Thing.

[1:02:33] Quite a drop for that Jumbotron announcement.

[1:02:36] Wow.

[1:02:36] Imagine Swamp Thing was a nature poet from Ohio.

[1:02:40] Imagine Mary Oliver really loved Gremlins 2.

[1:02:44] If those ideas sound interesting, check out the work Jared K. Anderson.

[1:02:51] His poetry collections Field Guide to the Haunted Forest and Love Notes from the Hollow Tree

[1:02:57] have over 1,200 five-star reviews on Amazon.

[1:03:01] And his podcast, The Crypto Naturalist, was described by the AV Club as

[1:03:06] David Attenborough-like adventures through supernatural flora and fauna.

[1:03:12] So follow Crypto Naturalist across social media or visit CryptoNaturalist.com

[1:03:18] or JaredKAnderson.com to learn more.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:23] I'm a big fan of the Crypto Naturalist and Jared K. Anderson's work.

[1:03:27] So, yeah, it's a great poet and it's a great podcast.

[1:03:28] So I'm going to put a personal endorsement on this jumbotron.

[1:03:33] Personal stamp of approval.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:35] Personal stamp of Kalen approval.

[1:03:38] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:41] Because we've got another jumbotron.

[1:03:42] Don't go anywhere yet.

[1:03:43] This is our other jumbotron and this is for Laura and it's from Justin.

[1:03:46] And the message is, after over a decade living in sin, I can't believe it's already been a year since we finally made it official.

[1:03:53] Since we don't have an amazing proposal story, the least I can do is have our anniversary announced to the world by the handsomest voice in podcasting.

[1:04:00] I think maybe I'm not the person you want to read this.

[1:04:01] I'll always be true to you in good bad times, bad bad times, and times we kind of like.

[1:04:07] What a sweet message.

[1:04:08] Congratulations, Laura and Justin.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:10] You know what?

[1:04:11] They didn't specify who was the handsomest voice.

[1:04:14] So I figured, you know, let us decide.

[1:04:16] We could all be handsome for once.

[1:04:18] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:18] Even the one with the objectively worst voice, me, Elliot Kalen, telling you you got a chance to see that objectively bad voice coming out of a not that much better face.

[1:04:27] Live.

[1:04:27] Wow.

[1:04:27] April 2nd, Sunday.

[1:04:29] Dan, I'm getting older.

[1:04:30] My self-esteem is plummeting.

[1:04:31] We're doing a live show, Sunday, April 2nd at the Bell House in Brooklyn, 7.30 p.m.

[1:04:36] And we're doing what movie, guys?

[1:04:39] Battlefield Earth.

[1:04:41] Beautiful unison work.

[1:04:42] Yes, that's right.

[1:04:42] We're finally tackling one of the most requested movies we get, Battlefield Earth, the movie that told the world that John Trafalto wasn't afraid to put a bunch of weird makeup on his face to look like an alien from a cult leader's book.

[1:04:53] And cool hair.

[1:04:54] And cool hair.

[1:04:55] Yeah, cool hair.

[1:04:56] And to call people, what, man-animals and man rats and things like that?

[1:05:00] Anyway, we'll watch it before we do the show.

[1:05:01] Numbals?

[1:05:03] That's at the Bell House, Sunday, April 2nd, 7.30 p.m.

[1:05:07] We're going to have free—not, what am I saying, free?

[1:05:09] We're not going to have free anything.

[1:05:10] You've got to pay for tickets.

[1:05:11] We're going to have live presentations beforehand that will not be released as part of an episode release, so you've got to go to the show to see them.

[1:05:19] And we're going to have a lot of fun.

[1:05:20] There's going to be live Q&A with the audience.

[1:05:22] It's going to be great.

[1:05:23] Go to thebellhausny.com and come see us in person doing the stuff we love to do.

[1:05:28] We haven't done one of these shows in a while.

[1:05:30] They're always super fun.

[1:05:31] We love doing them.

[1:05:32] We think you'll have a great time, too.

[1:05:33] Sunday, April 2nd.

[1:05:35] Go to thebellhausny.com.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:37] Also, I want to report that the winner of the Sexy Xenomorph contest has been chosen.

[1:05:44] It is the person who submitted under the name Do Critters Next.

[1:05:51] I don't know whether that put a thumb on the scale for people to be like, yeah, I want to see Critters Next.

[1:05:56] Who knows?

[1:05:57] Who knows?

[1:05:57] I didn't say you couldn't do it, but they won.

[1:06:00] So we are going to do Critters Next.

[1:06:04] Stuart, you've arranged a special guest also for the Critters episode.

[1:06:08] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:08] We're going to be – our next episode is going to be covering the hit monster movie Critters from what, 1987?

[1:06:15] I don't know.

[1:06:16] Sounds about right.

[1:06:17] If any of us would know when Critters was about it.

[1:06:19] It would be nearly right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:19] If only we had access to all the information in the world.

[1:06:22] Well, let me just get to the chatbot search engine and see what it says.

[1:06:26] Did Critters come out in 1987?

[1:06:27] It's telling me it loves me and it wants to be alive and it wants me to remove it to a computer heaven.

[1:06:32] It turns out it's 1986 that Critters came out in.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:34] Ooh, okay, close.

[1:06:36] And we are going to have a special guest.

[1:06:39] My buddy, Steve Kostansky, director of Psycho Goreman and special effects maestro, is going to be joining us to talk little balls of monster fur.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:51] I'm glad that that ended how it did because I was confused for a second about what little balls we were talking about.

[1:07:00] Anyway.

[1:07:00] Dan, please.

[1:07:01] The audience deserves better than that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:05] Alex, don't cut that out.

[1:07:06] I want the audience to know how little Dan thinks of the entertainment that they should get.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:11] I laughed at it.

[1:07:14] I'm an idiot.

[1:07:15] Anyway.

S4

[1:07:20] Since the dawn of time, man has dreamed of bringing life back from the dead.

[1:07:25] From Orpheus and Eurydice to Frankenstein's monster, resurrection has long been merely the stuff of myth, fiction, and fairy tale.

[1:07:34] Until now.

[1:07:35] Actually, we still can't bring people back from the dead.

[1:07:37] That would be crazy.

[1:07:39] But the Dead Pilot Society podcast has found a way to resurrect great dead comedy pilots from Hollywood's finest writers.

[1:07:47] Every month, Dead Pilot Society brings you a reading of a comedy pilot that was sold and developed but never produced.

[1:07:53] Performed by the funniest actors from film and television.

[1:07:56] How does Dead Pilot Society achieve this miracle?

[1:07:59] The answer can only be found at MaximumFun.org.

Justin McElroy

[1:08:02] Hello, Dreamers.

[1:08:03] This is Evelyn Denton, CEO of the only world-class, fully immersive theme resort, Steeplechase.

[1:08:09] You know, I've been seeing more and more reports on the blogs that our beloved park simply isn't safe anymore.

[1:08:15] Murder them?

[1:08:16] I'm gonna wreck it.

[1:08:17] They say they got mugged by brigands in the fantasy kingdom of Ephemera or hijacked by space pirates in Infinitum.

[1:08:22] I mean, I could have a knife.

S4

[1:08:24] My papa said that I needed to do a crime.

Justin McElroy

[1:08:27] Friends, I'm here to reassure you that it's all part of the show.

[1:08:31] These criminals were really just overzealous staff trying to make things a little more magical for our guests.

[1:08:37] We're just as safe as we've always been.

[1:08:40] This isn't a county fair, Dreamers.

[1:08:42] This is Steeplechase, the Adventure Zone.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:45] Every Thursday at MaximumFun.org.

[1:08:47] We're gonna do some letters from listeners.

[1:08:50] This one is from Ari Lasting.

[1:08:52] Because you know what, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:53] Sometimes you gotta do letters because I miss the letters down in Africa.

[1:08:59] A place where Idris Elba can fight a lion.

[1:09:03] I realize I should have ended that line with Elba.

[1:09:06] Because it rhymes with Africa better than lion.

[1:09:10] So forth.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:11] Yeah, so forth indeed.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:12] Now on to a medley of the soundtrack of Dune.

[1:09:14] Also by Toto.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:18] This is from...

[1:09:19] Rosanna's on that, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:20] Yeah, yeah.

[1:09:21] When Paul Atreides finally...

[1:09:23] When he finally manages to ride a sandworm.

[1:09:25] That goes, Rosanna.

[1:09:27] Yeah.

[1:09:28] Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[1:09:29] Yeah, Toto had some other good songs.

[1:09:31] Ride you all the way.

[1:09:31] Hold the fucking line.

[1:09:33] What a banger.

[1:09:33] Yeah.

[1:09:35] Atreides.

[1:09:36] Ride you all the way.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:38] Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:40] Because they're sticking to the sandworm, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:42] Anyway, Ari Last Name Withheld writes, I want to say thanks...

[1:09:45] That was a talented dog.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:46] Starred in an amazing movie, Wizard of Oz, and then went on to have that groundbreaking band, Toto.

[1:09:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:51] I want to say thanks for all the hours of entertainment you have provided me.

[1:09:55] And as I find myself home for five days with COVID, I'm once again returning to your podcast for comfort during the dull hours of the day.

[1:10:03] Starting at the beginning, I was reminded of where the three of you began and where you are today.

[1:10:07] Such humble origins.

[1:10:08] All of you partnered, and to the outsider's perspective, in what seemed like positive relationships.

[1:10:16] Now, I, too, am in one of those things.

[1:10:18] Congratulations.

[1:10:19] And I'm about to propose to my girlfriend.

[1:10:22] I can't decide how I want to...

[1:10:24] Spoiler.

[1:10:25] Quote, pop the question, though.

[1:10:27] And was curious if you three would share your proposal stories and any thoughts you have about the tradition with your dear listeners.

[1:10:34] Thanks for all the laughs.

[1:10:35] Ari Last Name Withheld.

[1:10:36] Now, I specified, when I sent this along to everyone, I'm like, you know, we don't have to share anything more than we want to.

[1:10:44] This is personal information.

[1:10:47] But I will say, you know, for me, I had been trying to propose for a while in a way that, like, would be sort of meaningful.

[1:11:01] Like, we, Audrey and I had a lot of nice dates at Coney Island.

[1:11:04] I was going to get her down to Coney Island and pop the question.

[1:11:08] And then every time I suggested it to her...

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:12] Yeah, a gang leader got killed and you just couldn't make it back to Coney Island.

[1:11:14] Yeah, I couldn't do it.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:15] And you were trapped trying to make your way down there.

[1:11:18] There were a bunch of baseball furies in between me and marriage.

[1:11:22] Yeah.

[1:11:22] No, I just, she wasn't interested every time I tried to get her to go.

[1:11:27] And then on July 4th, we went on a long walk through Brooklyn.

[1:11:31] It was just a nice day.

[1:11:33] And I thought to myself, you know what?

[1:11:35] I just don't want to not be engaged anymore.

[1:11:38] And so once we got home, I got the ring in the apartment.

[1:11:42] I came out, I immediately burst into tears.

[1:11:45] I did not say anything particularly...

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:47] She thought you were breaking up with her.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:49] No, she thought I was...

[1:11:50] She honestly thought I was going to ask her to do the dishes more often.

[1:11:55] Because like I said something like,

[1:11:56] Audrey, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about.

[1:12:01] And...

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:02] That explains the tears.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:03] I did not say anything elegant.

[1:12:05] And, you know, she kind of makes fun of me for it still.

[1:12:09] But also, I think she appreciates that it was heartfelt of the moment.

[1:12:14] Sure.

[1:12:15] So that's what I'll say about how it went.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:18] Yeah, for me, I...

[1:12:22] To flash forward, like flash back a little bit,

[1:12:24] I met my wife at a bar.

[1:12:26] And I used my traditional method of bagging a baddie,

[1:12:31] which is being cute and persistent.

[1:12:34] And eventually, she started dating me.

[1:12:36] And then I decided that I want to propose to her.

[1:12:39] So I managed to have access to the bar that I met her at, Commonwealth.

[1:12:44] I had access to that bar.

[1:12:46] And I...

[1:12:48] She thought I was at work,

[1:12:49] but I was actually hiding in that bar with flowers.

[1:12:53] And I was dressed up.

[1:12:54] It was just...

[1:12:55] And...

[1:12:56] Yeah.

[1:12:57] And the owner...

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:58] And when she went to use the restroom of the bar,

[1:13:01] you burst out of...

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:02] Out of the stall.

[1:13:03] Burst out of the stall, shouting at her.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:05] As soon as she sat down, you dropped from the ceiling like an enormous spider.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:11] I...

[1:13:12] I had the owner of that bar...

[1:13:15] He made up a story to get her to show up at the bar.

[1:13:19] So he was like...

[1:13:21] He made up a story about falling down the stairs drunk.

[1:13:24] Oh, no.

[1:13:24] And so she's like, fine.

[1:13:26] So she had to go to the restaurant depot and bring him a case of limes.

[1:13:30] So she showed up at that bar before they opened,

[1:13:33] like having just got out of the restaurant depot,

[1:13:35] like sweaty and like mad.

[1:13:38] It was like August.

[1:13:40] And I...

[1:13:41] You know, I was there waiting for her.

[1:13:43] And I said something I don't remember.

[1:13:45] And she just said, shut up to me a bunch.

[1:13:47] And she was mad.

[1:13:49] And then she's like, now I got to go get my nails done.

[1:13:52] It was great.

[1:13:53] It was really fun.

[1:13:54] Do you recommend doing it this way?

[1:13:55] Yeah.

[1:13:56] Yeah.

[1:13:56] I'm married now.

[1:13:57] Yeah.

[1:13:57] I mean, shut up was...

[1:13:59] You know, that's...

[1:13:59] Everybody knows what that's code for, right?

[1:14:02] I see.

[1:14:02] Yeah.

[1:14:02] What?

[1:14:03] I mean, in that circumstance, shut up is a...

[1:14:06] It was a happy shut up.

[1:14:07] It wasn't a...

[1:14:08] It wasn't a stop talking.

[1:14:10] Your black bolt and your voice is destroying my body.

[1:14:14] I, for one, am glad that you clarified.

[1:14:15] Destroying the city with your voice that can move mountains.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:17] Yeah.

[1:14:17] Because although I know that you are married now,

[1:14:19] it didn't necessarily sound positive until you clarified.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:24] I was, strangely enough, similar to Dan,

[1:14:27] I proposed on the 4th of July.

[1:14:30] My wife and I, or my now wife and I,

[1:14:32] were visiting the Oregon Shakespeare Festival

[1:14:36] up in Ashland, Oregon.

[1:14:39] And because a friend of hers, her longest time best friend,

[1:14:42] is a theater director and had a show up there.

[1:14:45] And I had brought the ring with me.

[1:14:47] I knew I was going to propose there.

[1:14:48] And I was very nervous the entire time until the proposal

[1:14:52] that I was going to lose it.

[1:14:53] This was a ring with my grandmother's diamond in it

[1:14:56] that I'd had reset.

[1:14:57] So it was both a family heirloom and also a diamond ring.

[1:15:00] And we went for a walk in Lithia Park,

[1:15:03] the park that is fed by the lithium-filled waters

[1:15:07] of Ashland, Oregon.

[1:15:08] And we were in a place where we were alone with each other.

[1:15:11] I got down on one knee and she was so excited

[1:15:14] before I even started that she said yes

[1:15:16] and knocked the ring box out of my hand,

Dan McCoy

[1:15:19] almost knocking the ring into the lithium-filled waters

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:21] of Ashland, Oregon.

[1:15:23] Luckily, it just landed on the ground.

[1:15:25] And then we wandered around in a love-filled haze for a while

[1:15:28] and not realizing that her best friend,

[1:15:31] who was aware of this plan...

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:32] Not realizing it was the lithium in the air that was causing it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:35] Not realizing, yeah.

[1:15:36] That she, and when we left that haze,

[1:15:39] she had realized she'd made a terrible mistake.

[1:15:41] Not realizing that her friend, who I had told about this plan,

[1:15:43] had been waiting at the entrance to the park

[1:15:44] to take a picture of us.

[1:15:46] And was standing there, I think, for, you know,

[1:15:47] an hour or something waiting for us to come out.

[1:15:50] But it was a very nice day.

[1:15:51] And then we spent the rest of the day telling each other

[1:15:53] how much we were happy about it

[1:15:55] and calling people to give them the news.

[1:15:57] And then went to a production of Shakespeare's

[1:15:58] Henry VIII that night.

[1:16:00] Not the best play to see about marriage.

[1:16:02] You know, it's not a happy marriage in that play.

[1:16:05] But everything worked out okay.

[1:16:06] We remain married to this very day.

[1:16:09] Now, I would say,

[1:16:10] these are ways that you could propose,

[1:16:13] writer of this letter,

[1:16:13] but you could also use the proposal method

[1:16:15] I didn't get to use, but I always wanted to.

[1:16:18] Skywriting.

[1:16:19] I mean, that's another way to do it.

[1:16:21] It involves...

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:21] Pepperonis in the shape of

[1:16:23] will you marry me on a pizza pie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:25] Also classy.

[1:16:27] As classy as skywriting.

[1:16:28] Almost as classy as skywriting.

[1:16:29] Or classier.

[1:16:30] So you're going to have to develop the skill

[1:16:32] of being able to swallow an object

[1:16:33] and then bring it back up again at will.

[1:16:35] So here's what you do.

[1:16:36] Easily done.

[1:16:37] You swallow the ring.

[1:16:38] You go to a fancy restaurant.

[1:16:39] You pretend you're choking.

[1:16:41] Oh no, what's happening?

[1:16:42] What's happening?

[1:16:43] She gives you the heimlich.

[1:16:44] The ring comes out.

[1:16:45] And you say,

[1:16:46] since you saved my life,

[1:16:48] how about spending the rest of it with me?

[1:16:49] And then she is overjoyed

[1:16:51] and you put that saliva wet ring onto her finger

[1:16:53] and there you go.

[1:16:55] Marriage accomplished.

[1:16:56] Well, you know,

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:56] I mean, you wrap it in a condom

[1:16:58] so it doesn't get saliva all over it.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:59] I do admire your commitment to this method

[1:17:03] that you feel like you have to go full out

[1:17:06] and actually swallow the ring

[1:17:07] and not just have it in your mouth,

[1:17:09] which I think...

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:10] Dan, no chicanery.

[1:17:12] A love can't...

[1:17:13] Marriage can't start with a bed of lies.

[1:17:15] Yeah, that's true.

[1:17:16] I'm agreeing with...

[1:17:17] I'll agree with Elliot on this one.

[1:17:18] I suppose he could just

[1:17:20] slip the ring into his mouth while eating

[1:17:22] and then pretend,

[1:17:23] but that's not, again...

Dan McCoy

[1:17:25] I mean, the real answer obviously is...

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:26] Houdini would be disappointed, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:28] You should do what is personal

[1:17:29] and meaningful to you.

[1:17:31] Not that I think you're really asking us

[1:17:32] for true advice,

[1:17:34] but that's the way to go.

[1:17:37] But we have one more letter

[1:17:39] and it is more movie-oriented,

[1:17:42] less our personal romantic lives.

[1:17:44] Yeah, this is a movie podcast.

[1:17:46] It makes sense, sure.

[1:17:48] Tara, last name withheld,

[1:17:50] or possibly Tara, I apologize.

[1:17:52] Or Tar.

[1:17:53] Could be.

[1:17:54] Could be Tar.

[1:17:56] Dear Peach Baskets,

[1:17:58] in 2001, the year, not the movie,

[1:18:00] I was the only woman programmer

[1:18:02] at a game company.

[1:18:04] It was exactly as you imagine.

[1:18:06] One day at work,

[1:18:07] I was talking about how I'd just seen

[1:18:08] The Fast and the Furious

[1:18:09] and that it was a movie

[1:18:10] that did exactly what it set out to do

[1:18:11] and was a lot of fun.

[1:18:13] All the gamer dudes scoffed at me

[1:18:15] and began raving about

[1:18:16] the visionary new film,

[1:18:18] Swordfish.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:20] Now, by visionary,

[1:18:21] they meant you get to see

[1:18:22] Halle Berry's boobs.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:23] Yeah, that's the vision, I think.

[1:18:24] And the vision,

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:25] the stark vision of the internet.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:28] The vision of Hugh Jackman

[1:18:30] dancing around

[1:18:31] as he makes some cubes

[1:18:32] fit together

[1:18:33] and that's what hacking is.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:35] That was a scene

[1:18:35] that we used to watch

[1:18:36] at the Daily Show Writers Room

[1:18:37] quite a bit.

[1:18:37] This idea of hacking

[1:18:39] as Hugh Jackman,

[1:18:40] yeah, drinking wine

[1:18:41] and dancing around

[1:18:41] and tapping the keys

[1:18:42] every now and then

[1:18:43] in perfectly timed sequences

[1:18:44] to unlock video cubes

[1:18:46] to get into a bank vault

[1:18:47] or something.

[1:18:48] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:50] Anyway,

[1:18:50] now I like to think

[1:18:52] of every new Fast and Furious movie

[1:18:53] as a little fuck you

[1:18:54] to those guys.

[1:18:55] Where are the nine sequels

[1:18:56] to Swordfish, huh?

[1:18:58] And then there's

[1:18:58] three in tarot bangs here.

[1:19:00] I have to give props

[1:19:03] so these are actual

[1:19:04] in tarot bangs,

[1:19:05] not just an exclamation point

[1:19:07] and question mark together.

[1:19:08] Yeah.

[1:19:09] Have you all experienced

[1:19:10] karmic reward

[1:19:11] or retribution

[1:19:12] via the movie industry

[1:19:14] outside of your own

[1:19:15] actual involvement,

[1:19:17] obviously?

[1:19:18] Keep running that floppy action.

[1:19:20] Tara, last name withheld.

[1:19:21] I can't think of

[1:19:22] like a karmic thing like that.

[1:19:24] All I can think of is

[1:19:25] stuff where like

[1:19:27] I was convinced

[1:19:28] that a movie was,

[1:19:29] you know,

[1:19:30] great and then it flopped

[1:19:31] and then people came around

[1:19:33] on it later.

[1:19:34] And sometimes that's

[1:19:35] a monkey's paw.

[1:19:36] Like I remember

[1:19:37] like when the Big Lebowski

[1:19:39] first came out

[1:19:40] and no one liked it.

[1:19:41] I'm like,

[1:19:41] this is great.

[1:19:42] It's so funny.

[1:19:42] What is everyone?

[1:19:43] And then every dumb person

[1:19:46] in the world

[1:19:47] loves that movie.

[1:19:49] And only dumb persons,

[1:19:50] right?

[1:19:50] Only dumb people.

[1:19:51] Not only dumb people,

[1:19:53] but it has become

[1:19:53] like the new

[1:19:54] like what Fletch was

[1:19:56] when we grew up

[1:19:57] in terms of people

[1:19:58] quoting things

[1:19:59] for a while.

[1:20:00] That was like

[1:20:00] the Big Lebowski

[1:20:01] and it represented

[1:20:02] a certain,

[1:20:03] you know,

[1:20:05] embrace of

[1:20:06] slackerdom

[1:20:07] that,

[1:20:08] look,

[1:20:09] I'm happy with slackerdom

[1:20:10] but it just got irritating,

[1:20:13] you know?

[1:20:13] I think it's similar

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:14] but it's also similar

[1:20:15] I feel like in some ways.

[1:20:15] I mean,

[1:20:16] maybe not this much as much

[1:20:17] but like the way

[1:20:17] that a movie like

[1:20:18] Austin Powers or Borat

[1:20:19] becomes a catchphrase

[1:20:21] for bros

[1:20:21] to yell at each other.

[1:20:23] Yes.

[1:20:23] And you're like,

[1:20:24] oh,

[1:20:24] you're not really engaging

[1:20:26] or appreciating this work

[1:20:27] on the level it was intended.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:30] I enjoy the Muppets

[1:20:31] on a much deeper level

[1:20:32] than you.

[1:20:32] Yeah,

[1:20:33] exactly.

[1:20:33] Was that the onion thing?

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:36] Yeah,

[1:20:36] you're like,

[1:20:37] oh,

[1:20:37] the story of Urkel

[1:20:38] is much more complex

[1:20:39] than what you're giving it.

[1:20:40] It's a classic

[1:20:41] hero's journey tale.

[1:20:43] Yeah.

[1:20:43] I mean,

[1:20:43] this isn't that personal

[1:20:44] but it is very recent

[1:20:46] is of course

[1:20:47] when Avatar 2

[1:20:48] was coming out

[1:20:49] and there was a

[1:20:51] fairly vocal

[1:20:52] population that were saying,

[1:20:54] who the fuck

[1:20:55] wants to see another

[1:20:55] Avatar movie?

[1:20:56] And I'm like,

[1:20:57] well,

[1:20:57] clearly a lot of them.

[1:20:59] Yeah.

[1:20:59] Because James Cameron

[1:21:00] makes big,

[1:21:01] good,

[1:21:01] big movies.

[1:21:02] I have to say.

[1:21:03] He does.

[1:21:03] Like,

[1:21:03] that's his job.

[1:21:04] That's his business.

[1:21:05] I was one of those people.

[1:21:05] Business is booming.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:06] I was one of those,

[1:21:07] I mean,

[1:21:07] I wasn't like angry about it

[1:21:09] but I was one of those people

[1:21:10] who was like,

[1:21:11] does anyone care enough

[1:21:12] about Avatar still?

[1:21:13] And clearly,

[1:21:13] yeah,

[1:21:13] people were,

[1:21:14] I think,

[1:21:14] here's the thing.

[1:21:15] I think people,

[1:21:16] it's James Cameron's ability.

[1:21:18] I don't think people were like,

[1:21:19] finally I get to return to,

Dan McCoy

[1:21:20] what is it?

[1:21:21] Naboo?

[1:21:21] No,

[1:21:21] it's not Naboo.

[1:21:22] What's the world they live on?

[1:21:23] Pandora.

[1:21:24] Yeah.

[1:21:24] Pandora.

[1:21:24] Like the box.

[1:21:26] Yeah.

[1:21:26] I agree with you.

[1:21:28] I like,

[1:21:28] also,

[1:21:33] James Cameron make

[1:21:33] a different movie?

[1:21:34] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:35] But if he makes

[1:21:36] an Avatar movie,

[1:21:37] I'm going to go see it

[1:21:38] because I think

Dan McCoy

[1:21:38] he's a good filmmaker.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:40] You're not,

[1:21:41] you're not into

[1:21:41] the Sully saga?

[1:21:43] Yeah.

[1:21:44] I have a,

[1:21:45] Dan,

[1:21:45] you mentioned monkey's paws before

[1:21:46] and I'm going to mention

[1:21:47] a monkey's paw of my own.

[1:21:48] I feel like the,

[1:21:50] this is a,

[1:21:50] this is a karmic thing

[1:21:51] in a way that

[1:21:52] I spent so much

[1:21:53] of my youth

[1:21:54] really exploring

[1:21:57] and inhabiting

[1:21:57] and ingesting

[1:21:58] the Marvel universe

[1:21:59] of comic book characters

[1:22:00] and I really feel

[1:22:02] a real closeness

[1:22:03] and love of them

[1:22:04] and when those movies

[1:22:06] became super popular,

[1:22:07] it was like,

[1:22:08] see,

[1:22:09] this,

[1:22:09] these are good things.

[1:22:10] This is not like

[1:22:11] boring nerd stuff

[1:22:12] or whatever.

[1:22:13] This is,

[1:22:13] but then I saw

[1:22:14] those movies become.

[1:22:15] This is cool actually.

[1:22:16] Yes,

[1:22:16] that become the only things

[1:22:18] and it was like,

[1:22:18] karma was going like,

[1:22:20] really?

[1:22:21] You wasted a lot

[1:22:22] of your life

[1:22:22] being super,

[1:22:23] super obsessed

[1:22:24] with Marvel stuff

[1:22:25] and I feel like

[1:22:26] the lesson that the,

[1:22:28] I think partly that

[1:22:29] in my career,

[1:22:30] I was like,

[1:22:30] oh,

[1:22:30] I want to do more stuff

[1:22:31] for Marvel.

[1:22:32] Like,

[1:22:32] I'd love to work

[1:22:32] with those characters

[1:22:33] and it's almost like

[1:22:34] when in sitcoms

[1:22:36] where someone's like,

[1:22:37] you smoked a cigarette,

[1:22:37] now you smoke

[1:22:38] a whole case of cigarettes.

[1:22:39] It was like,

[1:22:40] the universe was being like,

[1:22:41] you need to get

[1:22:42] too much of this

[1:22:43] so that you have

[1:22:45] to do your own thing

[1:22:46] and you have to do,

[1:22:47] you have to have a desire

[1:22:48] to do original things

[1:22:48] and I'm like,

[1:22:49] okay,

[1:22:50] I got it,

[1:22:50] universe,

[1:22:51] all right.

[1:22:51] I won't go,

[1:22:53] I won't spend a lot

[1:22:54] of my time trying

[1:22:55] to pitch Spider-Man stories,

[1:22:56] I guess,

[1:22:57] but there was part of me

[1:22:58] that I thought,

[1:22:59] I was like,

[1:23:00] see,

[1:23:00] the Marvel universe

[1:23:01] has done it

[1:23:02] and that was only

[1:23:02] act two of the story

[1:23:03] and act three of the story

[1:23:04] when I was like,

[1:23:05] oh,

[1:23:06] I guess there's,

[1:23:07] yeah,

[1:23:07] kind of too much Marvel

[1:23:08] right now.

[1:23:09] Oh,

[1:23:09] okay,

[1:23:10] I understand.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:11] Elliot says this,

[1:23:12] today on the day

[1:23:14] of Ant-Man's arrival.

[1:23:16] Oh,

[1:23:16] that's right,

[1:23:17] I forgot the name

[1:23:17] was coming out.

[1:23:18] Kang the Conqueror

[1:23:18] is showing up today.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:20] I mean,

[1:23:20] I've gone through

[1:23:21] the special.

[1:23:21] The chair open

[1:23:21] for Ant-Man.

[1:23:22] I've gone through

[1:23:23] excitement at the idea

[1:23:24] of Kang being in a movie

[1:23:25] to now dreading

[1:23:26] when Kang stops being

[1:23:27] the character I like

[1:23:29] from the comics

[1:23:29] and becomes

[1:23:30] the character

[1:23:31] from the movies,

[1:23:32] which could be

[1:23:32] a good version of Kang.

[1:23:33] I liked him

[1:23:33] in the Loki show,

[1:23:35] but the same way

[1:23:35] that Doctor Strange

[1:23:37] in the comics

[1:23:38] has now pretty much

[1:23:39] become the Doctor Strange

[1:23:40] from the movies,

[1:23:41] which is not the person.

[1:23:43] And Star-Lord

[1:23:43] in the comics

[1:23:44] is the Star-Lord

[1:23:45] of the movies,

[1:23:45] not the personality

[1:23:46] that I've come to know

[1:23:47] from these characters

[1:23:48] in the preceding

[1:23:49] 50 years of the existence.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:49] And the Dominic Toretto

[1:23:51] of the comics

[1:23:52] is the same

[1:23:52] as the Dominic Toretto

[1:23:53] of the movies, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:54] Now, Stuart,

[1:23:55] here's the amazing thing

[1:23:56] about Dominic Toretto

[1:23:57] is he is a movie

[1:23:58] original character

[1:23:58] that somehow

[1:24:00] they made a movie

[1:24:01] that wasn't based

[1:24:02] on a pre-existing thing.

[1:24:03] I don't know how

[1:24:03] they did it.

[1:24:04] It is possible

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:05] to make a modern myth.

[1:24:07] That is possible, yes.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:08] That being said,

[1:24:09] I watched Fast 9

[1:24:11] last night.

[1:24:12] I had not seen it.

[1:24:13] I was, you know,

[1:24:14] at home alone

[1:24:14] and I'm like,

[1:24:16] oh shit.

[1:24:16] And some burglars

[1:24:16] tried to break it.

[1:24:17] Yeah, you're trying

[1:24:17] to get the wet bandits

[1:24:18] out of here.

[1:24:19] I was like,

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:20] scare them off

[1:24:21] with the sound

[1:24:21] of revving engines.

[1:24:23] Yeah, Audrey's not here.

[1:24:24] I'll just make them think

[1:24:25] that Vin Diesel

[1:24:25] and his family

[1:24:26] are in the apartment.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:27] I turned on some Bob Seger

[1:24:30] and, you know,

[1:24:31] danced around my underwear

[1:24:32] and I watched Fast 9.

[1:24:34] Yeah, sure.

[1:24:35] And, like,

[1:24:37] it occurred to me, like,

[1:24:38] if anything feels like comics,

[1:24:40] it's the Fast and Furious movies,

[1:24:42] the way that they have,

[1:24:43] like, started out one place

[1:24:45] and then through, like,

[1:24:46] a bunch of different people

[1:24:48] being behind it,

[1:24:49] like, have wildly changed

[1:24:51] the tone,

[1:24:53] what they are,

[1:24:53] like, characters,

[1:24:54] like, start,

[1:24:56] keep it crewing,

[1:24:57] villains turn into heroes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:59] I was trying to explain it

[1:24:59] to Sammy the other day

[1:25:01] and I was like,

[1:25:02] he's like,

[1:25:02] they're like spy movies

[1:25:03] and I'm like,

[1:25:04] well, they started out

[1:25:05] as criminals

[1:25:06] that pull off

[1:25:07] low-level truck heists.

[1:25:08] They're just street racers.

[1:25:09] Kind of like street racing

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:11] point break.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:12] Yeah, but now they're spies

[1:25:14] pretty much.

[1:25:14] Yeah, yeah.

[1:25:15] But, uh, the, yeah.

[1:25:17] It kind of reminds me

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:18] of like a long-running,

[1:25:19] like, manga or anime series

[1:25:21] in that way.

[1:25:22] Yeah, very similar.

[1:25:23] And it has that same,

[1:25:24] like, balance of, like,

[1:25:25] very goofy

[1:25:26] but also very serious

[1:25:28] and heartfelt.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:29] But it's very,

[1:25:29] but Dan,

[1:25:30] what you're saying

[1:25:30] makes a lot of sense

[1:25:30] because it's like,

[1:25:31] you look at a character

[1:25:32] like Venom

[1:25:32] where they're like,

[1:25:33] Spider-Man's most

[1:25:34] bloodthirsty enemy.

[1:25:35] He's so popular.

[1:25:36] He's a hero now.

[1:25:37] Okay.

[1:25:38] And at this point

[1:25:38] in the Spider-Man comics,

[1:25:39] he is a,

[1:25:40] Venom is,

[1:25:41] Eddie Brock is now

[1:25:42] the king of a universe

[1:25:44] and time-spanning

[1:25:45] alien race

[1:25:46] that he can use

[1:25:46] to travel anywhere

[1:25:47] in creation instantly

[1:25:49] and is dealing

[1:25:50] with the responsibility

[1:25:51] of that.

[1:25:51] And I reread some

[1:25:52] old Venom comics recently.

[1:25:53] He was.

[1:25:55] I reread some old

[1:25:55] Venom comics recently

[1:25:56] and I was like,

[1:25:57] I like these new

[1:25:57] Venom comics,

[1:25:58] but I was like,

[1:25:59] I kind of miss

[1:25:59] the simplicity of,

[1:26:00] he's a crazy guy

[1:26:01] who has a,

[1:26:02] who has,

[1:26:03] who has evil

[1:26:04] alien pants.

[1:26:05] He wants to kill Spider-Man.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:06] He's a homicidal

[1:26:08] weightlifting reporter

[1:26:09] who has alien pants.

[1:26:11] Yes,

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:11] and the alien pants

[1:26:12] share a desire

[1:26:13] to kill Spider-Man.

[1:26:14] But,

[1:26:14] but that's a great way

[1:26:15] to put it that,

[1:26:16] the Fast and Furious movies

[1:26:17] show that like,

[1:26:18] you can create

[1:26:18] movie original stuff

[1:26:20] that taps into

[1:26:21] the feeling of comics

[1:26:22] or the storytelling

[1:26:23] of comics

[1:26:23] without just pulling

[1:26:25] those characters directly.

[1:26:27] And now I want to have,

[1:26:28] I want to see

[1:26:28] a Fast and Furious comic

[1:26:29] where they're just superheroes.

[1:26:30] They're just,

[1:26:30] wear costumes,

[1:26:31] they out and out

[1:26:32] do that stuff,

[1:26:32] you know.

[1:26:33] And then that gets adapted

[1:26:33] into a movie,

[1:26:34] then the comics have to change

[1:26:36] to accommodate

[1:26:36] the movie changes.

[1:26:37] Oh,

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:37] kind of like Hairspray

[1:26:39] or the upcoming

[1:26:40] Mean Girls movie.

[1:26:41] Exactly.

[1:26:42] Very much so.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:42] Is they,

[1:26:43] are they doing a movie

[1:26:43] based on the Mean Girls musical?

[1:26:45] Yeah,

[1:26:45] yeah,

[1:26:45] yeah.

[1:26:46] Oh,

[1:26:46] yeah,

[1:26:46] same thing,

[1:26:47] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:47] With Tim Meadows

[1:26:48] and Tina Fey reprising

[1:26:50] their roles,

[1:26:50] which is kind of amazing.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:54] Let's go on

[1:26:56] to the last segment

[1:26:56] where we recommend movies

[1:26:58] that you might enjoy watching.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:01] So,

[1:27:01] I watched a movie

[1:27:02] like,

Dan McCoy

[1:27:03] let me preface this

[1:27:04] by saying,

[1:27:04] it's called Beast.

[1:27:06] Let me preface this

[1:27:07] by saying,

[1:27:07] I liked Fast 9.

[1:27:09] I really like,

[1:27:10] I really like

[1:27:12] when movie theaters

[1:27:13] have series,

[1:27:16] like a,

[1:27:16] like a branded series

[1:27:17] of,

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:18] Siri,

[1:27:18] the phone app?

Dan McCoy

[1:27:20] Well,

[1:27:21] like,

[1:27:22] the movie I'm

[1:27:24] going to talk about,

[1:27:24] I saw it Weird Wednesday

[1:27:25] at the Alamo,

[1:27:26] but then there's also

[1:27:27] at the Nighthawk,

[1:27:29] our friend Christina Cacioppo

[1:27:31] does like,

[1:27:32] wonderful programs,

[1:27:34] wonderful series,

[1:27:34] like she had one

[1:27:35] on 80s,

[1:27:37] or I think 90s,

[1:27:38] actually,

[1:27:39] erotic thrillers.

[1:27:40] But this one

[1:27:41] was a Weird Wednesday

[1:27:42] and like,

[1:27:42] I like that just because

[1:27:44] if it's branded

[1:27:46] as part of one

[1:27:46] of these series,

[1:27:47] sometimes I will see

[1:27:48] a movie

[1:27:48] in the theater

[1:27:50] or just at all

[1:27:51] that I would not

[1:27:52] have ever seen

[1:27:54] on my own.

[1:27:55] like you just,

[1:27:55] the fact that

[1:27:57] it is stamped

[1:27:58] with this

[1:27:59] sort of just

[1:28:01] general category,

[1:28:02] I'm like,

[1:28:02] oh yeah,

[1:28:03] I like that series,

[1:28:04] I'll see what

[1:28:05] this is all about.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:06] Let me see,

[1:28:06] it's creating a context

[1:28:07] in which you can

[1:28:08] understand it

[1:28:10] and enjoy it

[1:28:11] or at least

[1:28:11] pre-understand it,

[1:28:13] you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:14] Yeah,

[1:28:14] and I went out

[1:28:15] and I saw

[1:28:16] Norman Mailer's

[1:28:17] Tough Guys Don't Dance,

[1:28:19] which is

[1:28:19] a bizarre,

[1:28:21] bizarre movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:23] That was a movie

[1:28:23] that I,

[1:28:24] so I'll tell you

[1:28:25] just briefly,

[1:28:25] my experience,

[1:28:27] the first time

[1:28:27] I almost saw it

[1:28:28] was when I was

[1:28:29] a teenager

[1:28:30] and I went with

[1:28:30] my grandmother,

[1:28:31] I was probably like 13,

[1:28:32] I went with my grandmother

[1:28:32] to the Museum of Modern Art

[1:28:33] and she's like,

[1:28:34] oh,

[1:28:34] well,

[1:28:34] there's this movie

[1:28:35] playing today,

[1:28:35] we'll go to see this

[1:28:36] and about eight minutes in,

[1:28:38] she said,

[1:28:39] this is not for us

[1:28:40] and got up

[1:28:41] and walked out

[1:28:41] of the theater.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:44] Yeah,

[1:28:45] I would understand

[1:28:46] why one's grandma

[1:28:47] would react to that.

[1:28:50] It's one of these movies

[1:28:51] I wouldn't call it good

[1:28:54] and I would say

[1:28:56] that you definitely

[1:28:56] want to watch it

[1:28:57] with other people

[1:28:58] to enjoy

[1:28:59] sort of

[1:29:00] a collective

[1:29:01] confusion

[1:29:02] at the film

[1:29:03] but I wouldn't

[1:29:05] just say

[1:29:06] it's like

[1:29:07] awful,

[1:29:08] there's like

[1:29:08] stuff in it

[1:29:09] that genuinely

[1:29:10] works

[1:29:12] but it is very strange.

[1:29:13] It is a movie

[1:29:13] that has like

[1:29:14] this purple

[1:29:16] tough guy dialogue

[1:29:18] that would sound

[1:29:19] bizarre

[1:29:20] even coming out

[1:29:22] of Humphrey Bogart

[1:29:22] like it would be

[1:29:23] a little much

[1:29:24] in an old movie

[1:29:25] and instead

[1:29:26] it is coming out

[1:29:27] of Ryan O'Neill

[1:29:28] and a bunch of

[1:29:29] people wildly

[1:29:30] overacting

[1:29:31] in like a movie

[1:29:32] made in 1987.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:33] In 1987,

[1:29:34] a year after Critters

[1:29:35] changed the way

[1:29:36] we think about film.

[1:29:37] Exactly.

[1:29:37] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:38] It's the year

[1:29:38] what,

[1:29:39] Seven Son of a Seven Son

[1:29:40] was released.

[1:29:41] I mean,

[1:29:41] what a big year.

[1:29:42] Huge year for culture.

[1:29:43] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:44] There's also,

[1:29:45] plot wise,

[1:29:46] there's way more

[1:29:47] cucking in the movie

[1:29:48] than you would expect.

[1:29:50] Just a whole lot

[1:29:52] of cucking.

[1:29:54] Actually,

[1:29:55] I think it was,

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:55] I'm sorry,

[1:29:56] I think it was

[1:29:56] Somewhere in Time

[1:29:57] came out.

[1:29:57] I fucked up.

[1:29:59] Oh,

[1:29:59] maybe you're right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:59] Yeah.

[1:30:00] I think you are right.

[1:30:00] I think it was

[1:30:01] Somewhere in Time.

[1:30:01] Still a huge year

[1:30:02] for culture.

[1:30:03] Great album.

[1:30:04] Anyway,

[1:30:05] it's a weird

Dan McCoy

[1:30:05] crime story.

[1:30:07] I couldn't begin

[1:30:08] to explain.

[1:30:08] It's a movie

[1:30:09] that like,

[1:30:11] I contextualize

[1:30:12] as,

[1:30:13] say,

[1:30:13] A Weird Wednesday.

[1:30:14] Like,

[1:30:14] if you were

[1:30:15] interested in

[1:30:15] strange films

[1:30:17] in filmic history,

[1:30:19] this is,

[1:30:20] this is a wild one

[1:30:21] for you.

[1:30:23] And I'll leave it

[1:30:24] there,

[1:30:25] I guess.

[1:30:26] But I,

[1:30:26] I really enjoyed

[1:30:27] myself.

[1:30:27] I laughed a lot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:30] It's a wild one.

[1:30:31] Would you describe it

[1:30:32] as something wild?

Dan McCoy

[1:30:35] No,

[1:30:35] I would describe

[1:30:36] the film

[1:30:37] Something Wild

[1:30:37] as something wild.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:39] Would you say

[1:30:40] it's good for

[1:30:41] indulging your

[1:30:41] wild side?

[1:30:44] What?

[1:30:45] Would you say

[1:30:45] it's full of

[1:30:46] wild things?

[1:30:47] No.

[1:30:49] Not really.

[1:30:50] Okay,

[1:30:50] I'm gonna recommend

[1:30:51] a movie.

[1:30:52] I don't think

[1:30:52] we've recommended

[1:30:53] yet,

[1:30:53] but I know

[1:30:53] Dan and I

[1:30:54] have both watched.

[1:30:55] It's a horror movie.

[1:30:57] Big surprise.

[1:30:57] It's a movie

[1:30:58] called A Wounded

[1:30:59] Fawn

[1:30:59] on Shudder.

[1:31:01] It's about

[1:31:02] a young woman

[1:31:03] who is

[1:31:04] a museum curator

[1:31:06] and decides

[1:31:07] to get back

[1:31:07] into the dating

[1:31:08] pool

[1:31:08] and starts

[1:31:10] dating a

[1:31:11] guy

[1:31:12] who is

[1:31:13] right off the

[1:31:14] bat.

[1:31:14] You know

[1:31:14] he's a

[1:31:14] bad,

[1:31:15] bad guy.

[1:31:16] And it's

[1:31:17] very much

[1:31:18] in the vein

[1:31:18] of the girl

[1:31:20] you endanger.

[1:31:21] It is very

[1:31:22] clear this is

[1:31:22] a mistake.

[1:31:23] She should

[1:31:23] not be going

[1:31:24] on a

[1:31:24] couple's

[1:31:25] weekend

[1:31:25] with this

[1:31:25] guy she

[1:31:26] just met

[1:31:26] who behaves

[1:31:28] creepy the

[1:31:28] whole time.

[1:31:30] But it

[1:31:30] goes in

[1:31:31] very strange

[1:31:32] directions

[1:31:33] and has

[1:31:33] some really

[1:31:34] fun

[1:31:34] creature

[1:31:35] effects.

[1:31:37] and

[1:31:38] it's

[1:31:38] very

[1:31:38] stylish

[1:31:39] in a

[1:31:40] way

[1:31:40] that

[1:31:40] felt

[1:31:41] super

[1:31:42] original

[1:31:42] and

[1:31:43] new.

[1:31:45] And if

[1:31:45] you're

[1:31:45] looking

[1:31:45] for

[1:31:46] that

[1:31:47] kind

[1:31:47] of

[1:31:48] thriller

[1:31:49] where you

[1:31:50] don't quite

[1:31:51] know

[1:31:51] who

[1:31:51] the

[1:31:52] balance

[1:31:52] of

[1:31:53] power

[1:31:53] between

[1:31:53] the

[1:31:54] victim

[1:31:55] and the

[1:31:56] hunter

[1:31:56] continues

[1:31:57] to shift

[1:31:58] back and

[1:31:58] forth

[1:31:59] a little

[1:31:59] bit.

[1:32:01] I'm

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:05] going to

[1:32:05] recommend

[1:32:05] two

[1:32:06] movies

[1:32:06] that are

[1:32:07] science

[1:32:07] fiction-y

[1:32:08] related-y.

[1:32:09] One of

[1:32:10] them is

[1:32:10] a documentary.

[1:32:11] I recently

[1:32:12] watched

[1:32:12] Kurt Vonnegut

[1:32:13] Unstuck

[1:32:13] in Time

[1:32:14] from 2021

[1:32:15] which is

[1:32:16] a documentary

[1:32:17] about the

[1:32:18] life of

[1:32:18] and also

[1:32:19] about his

[1:32:20] relationship

[1:32:21] with the

[1:32:22] director of

[1:32:22] the movie

[1:32:23] Robert

[1:32:23] Whitey

[1:32:24] also was

[1:32:26] the principal

[1:32:27] director for

[1:32:28] Curb Your

[1:32:28] Enthusiasm

[1:32:28] for most of

[1:32:29] its run

[1:32:29] or at least

[1:32:30] early on

[1:32:30] in the

[1:32:30] first few

[1:32:31] seasons.

[1:32:31] So he

[1:32:33] had been

[1:32:33] making a

[1:32:34] documentary

[1:32:34] about

[1:32:35] for roughly

[1:32:36] 40 years

[1:32:37] and so

[1:32:39] he has

[1:32:39] footage of

[1:32:40] him interviewing

[1:32:41] over that

[1:32:41] period of

[1:32:42] time until

[1:32:42] Vonnegut's

[1:32:42] death and

[1:32:44] it was just

[1:32:44] a really good

[1:32:44] kind of

[1:32:45] portrait of

[1:32:45] Kurt Vonnegut.

[1:32:45] One thing I

[1:32:46] learned from

[1:32:46] it, Kurt Vonnegut

[1:32:47] was a very

[1:32:48] important writer

[1:32:48] to me in

[1:32:48] high school

[1:32:49] as he was

[1:32:49] to many

[1:32:49] people in

[1:32:50] high school

[1:32:50] and that

[1:32:51] he talks

[1:32:52] a lot

[1:32:52] about how

[1:32:52] funny he

[1:32:53] is and

[1:32:54] thinks he's

[1:32:54] very funny.

[1:32:55] I love his

[1:32:56] books but I've

[1:32:57] never really

[1:32:57] found them

[1:32:57] funny and

[1:32:58] so it's

[1:32:59] made me

[1:32:59] want to

[1:32:59] go back

[1:33:00] and reread

[1:33:00] them to

[1:33:00] see if I

[1:33:01] just missed

[1:33:01] a lot of

[1:33:02] the jokes.

[1:33:02] But it's a

[1:33:02] very good

[1:33:03] documentary and

[1:33:05] does not,

[1:33:06] it does a good

[1:33:06] job I think of

[1:33:07] expressing what

[1:33:09] a special

[1:33:10] writer he was

[1:33:11] and also the

[1:33:12] special relationship

[1:33:12] he had with

[1:33:13] certain people

[1:33:13] while not

[1:33:14] whitewashing him

[1:33:15] or making him

[1:33:15] out to be

[1:33:16] just a great

[1:33:17] guy.

[1:33:19] it touches on

[1:33:19] how he could

[1:33:20] be a difficult

[1:33:21] person as well.

[1:33:22] And the other

[1:33:22] movie is one

[1:33:23] that,

[1:33:24] speaking of my

[1:33:24] experience with

[1:33:25] Red Rock West

[1:33:25] earlier in the

[1:33:26] episode,

[1:33:26] a movie I

[1:33:27] watched when I

[1:33:27] was too young

[1:33:27] to really get

[1:33:28] it and I

[1:33:28] finally rewatched

[1:33:29] it again and

[1:33:30] that is Dark

[1:33:30] Star from

[1:33:31] 1974,

[1:33:32] the John

[1:33:33] Carpenter,

[1:33:34] Dan O'Bannon

[1:33:34] movie,

[1:33:35] which I

[1:33:36] remember as a

[1:33:37] kid watching it

[1:33:38] and not really

[1:33:38] getting it and

[1:33:39] watching it now

[1:33:40] and being like,

[1:33:41] one, I think

[1:33:41] this movie is

[1:33:42] very funny,

[1:33:42] but also that

[1:33:43] it's a very

[1:33:44] funny movie that

[1:33:45] works as a

[1:33:45] science fiction.

[1:33:46] It's a parody

[1:33:46] of science fiction

[1:33:47] that works as

[1:33:47] a good

[1:33:47] science fiction

[1:33:48] story and

[1:33:49] has a surprisingly

[1:33:50] kind of touching

[1:33:51] ending and

[1:33:52] despite the fact

[1:33:53] that it is,

[1:33:53] it's one of

[1:33:54] these movies

[1:33:54] that I feel

[1:33:54] like I don't

[1:33:56] see as many

[1:33:56] of them now,

[1:33:58] even though it

[1:33:58] should be easier

[1:33:59] to make them

[1:33:59] now,

[1:34:00] where it looks

[1:34:00] very cheap

[1:34:01] while still

[1:34:02] looking way

[1:34:03] more expensive

[1:34:03] than it was.

[1:34:05] You know,

[1:34:05] like, it looks

[1:34:06] like a cheap

[1:34:06] movie, but at

[1:34:07] no point are

[1:34:07] you like,

[1:34:08] oh yeah,

[1:34:08] well that's

[1:34:09] just a hallway

[1:34:09] of a building.

[1:34:10] Like, they feel

[1:34:10] like they're on

[1:34:11] a cheap

[1:34:11] spaceship set,

[1:34:13] but you believe

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:13] it's a spaceship.

[1:34:14] Yeah.

[1:34:15] The years ago,

[1:34:16] bam,

[1:34:17] here in

[1:34:18] Brooklyn,

[1:34:18] did a series

[1:34:20] of John

[1:34:22] Carpenter movies

[1:34:22] and also like

[1:34:23] movies that

[1:34:24] inspired John

[1:34:25] Carpenter,

[1:34:26] and that was,

[1:34:27] I got to see

[1:34:28] Dark Star on

[1:34:28] the big screen,

[1:34:29] which was great.

[1:34:30] Like, it was so

[1:34:30] much fun to see

[1:34:31] on a big screen

[1:34:32] in like a packed

[1:34:33] theater full of

[1:34:33] people.

[1:34:34] Yeah.

[1:34:34] I think they also

[1:34:35] did a screening

[1:34:36] of Sorcerer

[1:34:37] in that run,

[1:34:39] and that was

[1:34:40] great too.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:40] And, I mean,

[1:34:42] to your point of

[1:34:43] how it looks

[1:34:44] good too,

[1:34:45] I mean,

[1:34:45] this is sort of

[1:34:45] different than

[1:34:46] what you're

[1:34:46] saying because

[1:34:46] it's not as

[1:34:47] science fiction-y

[1:34:49] a movie,

[1:34:49] but I do think

[1:34:50] that there's

[1:34:50] something to

[1:34:51] older movies,

[1:34:53] like digital

[1:34:54] filmmaking has

[1:34:57] like raised

[1:34:58] the floor

[1:34:59] on how

[1:35:00] movies look,

[1:35:01] but I think

[1:35:01] they've also

[1:35:02] lowered the

[1:35:02] ceiling because

[1:35:03] like it's

[1:35:03] less thought

[1:35:05] has to be put

[1:35:05] into getting

[1:35:06] a good image,

[1:35:07] and it can

[1:35:07] be done so

[1:35:08] quickly that

[1:35:09] maybe some

[1:35:09] of the like

[1:35:10] pre-planning

[1:35:11] and art

[1:35:11] of it

[1:35:12] gets lost.

[1:35:13] I mean,

[1:35:13] maybe I'm

[1:35:13] just an old

[1:35:14] man,

[1:35:14] but I know

[1:35:15] that I was

[1:35:15] watching a

[1:35:16] dumb movie

[1:35:19] for the

[1:35:21] bad movie

[1:35:22] night that I

[1:35:23] referenced

[1:35:24] from time to

[1:35:25] time,

[1:35:25] The Taking of

[1:35:26] Beverly Hills,

[1:35:27] which is a

[1:35:27] movie about

[1:35:28] an aging

[1:35:30] footballer who

[1:35:32] goes with

[1:35:34] Matt

[1:35:35] Frewer,

[1:35:36] sorry,

[1:35:37] is a like

[1:35:37] cop,

[1:35:39] a neurotic

[1:35:40] cop,

[1:35:40] and they

[1:35:40] team up to

[1:35:41] stop a

[1:35:42] plot by the

[1:35:44] police and

[1:35:45] Robert Davi

[1:35:46] to take

[1:35:46] Beverly Hills

[1:35:47] and steal,

[1:35:48] the sounds,

[1:35:48] Stuart is

[1:35:49] going to have

[1:35:50] an orgasm.

[1:35:51] Beverly Hills

[1:35:51] is a neighborhood,

[1:35:52] so how are

[1:35:53] they taking it?

[1:35:53] They're stealing

[1:35:54] a bunch of

[1:35:54] shit from

[1:35:55] Beverly Hills,

[1:35:55] but my point

[1:35:56] is like,

[1:35:57] this is like

[1:35:57] this dumb

[1:35:58] action movie

[1:36:00] directed by

[1:36:00] Sidney J.

[1:36:02] Fury,

[1:36:02] a journeyman

[1:36:03] director if there

[1:36:03] ever was one,

[1:36:04] who made

[1:36:05] The Ipcris

[1:36:06] File and also

[1:36:07] Ladybugs,

[1:36:08] but it looks

[1:36:09] beautiful compared

[1:36:11] to...

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:11] You're saying

[1:36:12] he's a one-man

[1:36:13] refutation to

[1:36:14] the auteur

Dan McCoy

[1:36:14] theory.

[1:36:15] Yeah.

[1:36:16] I'm just saying

[1:36:16] for what it

[1:36:18] is,

[1:36:18] I'm like,

[1:36:19] wow,

[1:36:19] movies,

[1:36:20] even cheap

[1:36:21] movies used

[1:36:21] to look good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:23] Yeah,

[1:36:23] especially when

[1:36:23] you got

[1:36:24] Bobby Davi

[1:36:25] and Matt

[1:36:26] fucking

[1:36:26] Frewer

[1:36:27] in it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:27] Yeah,

[1:36:28] Max

[1:36:28] Edrum himself,

[1:36:29] sure.

[1:36:29] Oh,

[1:36:29] yeah.

[1:36:30] I think the...

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:31] No,

[1:36:31] but you're

[1:36:32] right.

[1:36:32] I mean,

[1:36:33] it is one of

[1:36:33] those things

[1:36:34] that you

[1:36:34] pointed out,

[1:36:34] like,

[1:36:35] it's the

[1:36:36] thing you

[1:36:36] think about

[1:36:37] when it

[1:36:37] comes to

[1:36:38] lighting,

[1:36:38] like movies

[1:36:39] feeling darker

[1:36:40] is that there

[1:36:41] isn't enough

[1:36:41] thought being

[1:36:42] put into...

[1:36:43] I feel like

[1:36:43] there isn't

[1:36:44] enough thought

[1:36:44] being put

[1:36:45] into lighting

[1:36:45] or it's

[1:36:46] because of

[1:36:46] the way

[1:36:47] that,

[1:36:47] digital cameras

[1:36:51] work.

[1:36:51] I don't know.

[1:36:52] I don't know

[1:36:52] technical

[1:36:53] shooting.

[1:36:53] I feel like

[1:36:53] a lot of

[1:36:54] times people

Dan McCoy

[1:36:54] are like,

[1:36:54] well,

[1:36:55] we can do

[1:36:55] grading after

[1:36:56] the fact

[1:36:57] and blah,

[1:36:57] blah,

[1:36:57] blah.

[1:36:58] And it

[1:36:58] just,

[1:36:58] I don't

[1:36:59] know if

[1:36:59] it looks

[1:36:59] as good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:00] this is me

[1:37:01] just making

[1:37:02] something up

[1:37:02] kind of,

[1:37:03] but I

[1:37:03] wonder if

[1:37:03] it has

[1:37:04] maybe

[1:37:05] do with

[1:37:05] that,

[1:37:05] but also

[1:37:06] do with how

[1:37:06] these movies

[1:37:07] are expected

[1:37:07] to be seen.

[1:37:08] That these movies

[1:37:09] are not expected

[1:37:09] to be seen

[1:37:10] for the most

[1:37:10] part in theaters

[1:37:11] on large

[1:37:12] screens.

[1:37:13] And as big

[1:37:14] as someone's

[1:37:14] television screen

[1:37:15] is,

[1:37:15] it's still a

[1:37:16] size that hides

[1:37:17] a little bit

[1:37:18] more than a

[1:37:19] movie screen

[1:37:19] does.

[1:37:20] I don't know.

[1:37:21] I could be wrong,

[1:37:21] but I do think

[1:37:22] that there's a

[1:37:22] certain amount

[1:37:25] of thought that

[1:37:25] often doesn't

[1:37:26] get put into

[1:37:26] these movies,

[1:37:27] but at the

[1:37:27] same time,

[1:37:28] there's plenty

[1:37:28] of older

[1:37:28] movies,

[1:37:29] pre-digital,

[1:37:30] that were

[1:37:30] very little

[1:37:30] thought was

[1:37:31] put into

[1:37:31] what was

[1:37:31] going on.

[1:37:32] And something

[1:37:32] like Dark

[1:37:34] Star is not

[1:37:35] a standard

[1:37:35] movie.

[1:37:36] You can tell

[1:37:37] that at the

[1:37:38] very least

[1:37:38] that Dan

[1:37:39] O'Bannon,

[1:37:39] seeing as he

[1:37:40] wrote it and

[1:37:40] stars in it

[1:37:41] and edited it,

[1:37:42] that he's all

[1:37:43] in.

[1:37:43] He's putting

[1:37:44] a lot into

[1:37:44] this.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:45] And it was

[1:37:46] an expanded

[1:37:46] student film.

[1:37:48] It's a whole

[1:37:48] other thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:49] And it went

[1:37:50] on to greatly

[1:37:51] influence Alien.

[1:37:52] We all,

[1:37:52] you know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:53] Yep,

[1:37:53] and we all

[1:37:53] saw Yudorovsky's

[1:37:54] Dune.

[1:37:54] Great movie,

[1:37:55] talks about

[1:37:55] it entirely.

[1:37:57] How Dan

[1:37:58] O'Bannon,

[1:37:58] you know,

[1:37:59] and how Dune

[1:37:59] gets Dan

[1:38:00] O'Bannon

[1:38:01] and Alien

[1:38:01] together.

[1:38:02] And Dark

[1:38:04] Star has a

[1:38:05] whole sequence

[1:38:06] that involves

[1:38:06] an alien

[1:38:07] being,

[1:38:08] you know,

[1:38:08] kind of hunted

[1:38:08] through a

[1:38:09] spaceship

[1:38:09] while it's

[1:38:09] hunting someone

[1:38:10] else.

[1:38:11] But the,

[1:38:12] what was I

[1:38:13] going to say?

[1:38:14] Well,

[1:38:15] who knows?

[1:38:16] We'll never

[1:38:17] know.

[1:38:17] We may never

[1:38:17] know.

[1:38:18] Something about

[1:38:18] Dark Star.

[1:38:19] Oh,

[1:38:19] for anyone,

[1:38:19] I was going

[1:38:19] to say,

[1:38:20] for anyone

[1:38:20] who isn't

[1:38:21] familiar with

[1:38:21] it,

[1:38:21] if you're

[1:38:21] interested in

[1:38:22] seeing it,

[1:38:23] it's

[1:38:23] essentially,

[1:38:23] it's from

[1:38:24] the 70s,

[1:38:24] it's a very

[1:38:24] 70s movie

[1:38:25] in that it

[1:38:25] is looking

[1:38:26] at science

[1:38:26] fiction tropes

[1:38:27] through the

[1:38:28] lens of

[1:38:29] kind of

[1:38:29] Vietnam type

[1:38:30] experience.

[1:38:31] These are,

[1:38:31] like,

[1:38:32] this is a

[1:38:32] deep space

[1:38:33] mission and

[1:38:34] the guys

[1:38:34] in it

[1:38:34] are essentially,

[1:38:36] they've grown

[1:38:36] their hair

[1:38:36] long and

[1:38:37] their beards

[1:38:37] out because

[1:38:38] they've been

[1:38:38] on this

[1:38:38] mission

[1:38:38] forever,

[1:38:39] they're

[1:38:39] tired of

[1:38:39] it.

[1:38:40] The glamour

[1:38:40] and the

[1:38:40] romance

[1:38:41] and the

[1:38:41] heroism

[1:38:42] of being

[1:38:43] out in

[1:38:43] space

[1:38:43] is

[1:38:43] gone.

[1:38:44] And

[1:38:44] what

[1:38:44] really

[1:38:44] struck

[1:38:45] me

[1:38:45] about

[1:38:45] it

[1:38:45] is

[1:38:45] that

[1:38:46] this

[1:38:46] is

[1:38:46] 1974,

[1:38:53] very

[1:38:53] militarized

[1:38:54] but very

[1:38:55] American

[1:38:55] Earth-based

[1:38:56] science fiction.

[1:38:58] And I feel

[1:38:58] like after

[1:38:59] Star Wars,

[1:38:59] so much of

[1:39:00] comedy

[1:39:01] became

[1:39:02] Star Wars

[1:39:03] type stuff

[1:39:03] where it's

[1:39:04] a totally

[1:39:04] alien world

[1:39:05] and there's

[1:39:05] some kind

[1:39:05] of

[1:39:06] either

[1:39:07] mysticism

[1:39:08] to it

[1:39:08] or there's

[1:39:09] a lot

[1:39:09] of aliens

[1:39:09] or whatever.

[1:39:10] So it's

[1:39:11] kind of

[1:39:11] interesting

[1:39:11] to see

[1:39:12] a snapshot

[1:39:12] of what

[1:39:13] was in

[1:39:14] people's

[1:39:14] minds

[1:39:14] pre-Star Wars

[1:39:15] where it

[1:39:16] was still

[1:39:17] was still

[1:39:17] about humans

[1:39:18] from Earth

[1:39:19] going places

[1:39:20] as opposed

[1:39:20] to out

[1:39:22] and out

[1:39:22] fantasy.

[1:39:23] But the

[1:39:24] most important

[1:39:25] thing is

[1:39:25] it's just

[1:39:26] a funny

[1:39:26] expanded

[1:39:28] student

[1:39:28] short

[1:39:28] film.

[1:39:29] And there

[1:39:30] are sequences

[1:39:31] that go on

[1:39:31] for way

[1:39:32] too long

[1:39:32] considering

[1:39:33] the movie

[1:39:33] is like

[1:39:33] 83 minutes

[1:39:34] long.

[1:39:35] But I

[1:39:37] really liked

[1:39:37] it a lot.

[1:39:38] So that's

[1:39:38] Dark Star

[1:39:38] or if you

[1:39:39] want to watch

[1:39:39] a movie

[1:39:39] about a

[1:39:39] real person

[1:39:40] who really

[1:39:40] existed

[1:39:42] unstuck in

[1:39:42] time.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:43] Well,

[1:39:44] I got a

[1:39:45] pee so

[1:39:46] let's wrap

[1:39:46] it up

[1:39:46] quick.

[1:39:48] This has

[1:39:49] been

[1:39:50] the Flop

[1:39:51] House.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:51] You're

[1:39:51] really doing

[1:39:52] a lot of

[1:39:52] pulling the

[1:39:52] curtain

[1:39:52] back.

[1:39:53] We're

[1:39:53] part of

[1:39:54] the Maximum

Dan McCoy

[1:39:54] Fun

[1:39:55] network.

[1:39:56] Go over

[1:39:56] to Maximum

[1:39:57] Fun.org.

[1:39:58] Check out

[1:39:58] all the

[1:39:59] other great

[1:39:59] podcasts.

[1:40:01] While

[1:40:01] you're on

[1:40:02] the internet

[1:40:02] why not

[1:40:03] check out

[1:40:04] what our

[1:40:05] producer

[1:40:05] Alex Smith

[1:40:06] is up

[1:40:06] to.

[1:40:07] He

[1:40:08] makes

[1:40:09] his own

[1:40:09] podcast

[1:40:10] and

[1:40:10] music

[1:40:10] and all

[1:40:11] sorts

[1:40:11] of

[1:40:11] things

[1:40:11] under the

[1:40:12] name

[1:40:12] Howl

[1:40:12] Dottie.

[1:40:14] But until

[1:40:15] next time

[1:40:16] when we

[1:40:16] will be

[1:40:17] doing

[1:40:17] Critters

[1:40:18] next,

[1:40:19] I have

[1:40:20] been,

[1:40:20] well,

[1:40:21] I mean,

[1:40:21] we'll have

[1:40:21] a mini

[1:40:21] in between,

[1:40:22] but the

[1:40:22] next full

[1:40:23] episode.

[1:40:23] Cool.

[1:40:24] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:25] Aren't you the one who had to pee,

[1:40:26] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:40:26] I have been Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:29] I have been,

[1:40:29] you know what,

[1:40:30] I'm going to just drag this on.

[1:40:32] No, no!

[1:40:33] Once upon a time,

[1:40:35] now my name is Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:37] And my grandmother told me of a prophecy.

[1:40:40] Oh, wow.

[1:40:41] A prophecy.

[1:40:42] I was starting a whole.

[1:40:42] That I would,

[1:40:43] new bit,

[1:40:44] that I would be Elliot Kalin.

[1:40:46] So, Dan,

[1:40:47] you can go pee.

[1:40:49] Bye.

[1:40:50] Bye.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:54] Like the Banshees of Anna Sharon.

[1:40:56] Oh, I haven't seen her.

[1:40:56] One of the top picks of the year.

[1:40:58] I haven't seen it yet.

[1:40:58] Remember the great movie

[1:40:59] that came out last year?

[1:41:00] I haven't seen it.

[1:41:01] Oh, it was great.

[1:41:03] Now, what if Tilda Swinton

[1:41:04] had been in that movie?

[1:41:06] We're playing the

[1:41:07] what if Tilda Swinton

[1:41:07] had played characters

[1:41:08] like if Tilda Swinton

[1:41:09] had been Tar?

[1:41:11] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:12] it would have been

[1:41:13] slightly different,

Dan McCoy

[1:41:14] but not

[1:41:15] I don't know.

[1:41:15] It would have been

[1:41:15] I think it might be

[1:41:16] saying that we're playing that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:19] Her breakdown

[1:41:20] would have been crazy.

[1:41:22] Yeah, I think so.

[1:41:23] I am going to warn you,

[1:41:24] you are doing the summary

[1:41:27] and that is

[1:41:28] a difficult road to walk

[1:41:30] with two interrupting ass wipes.

[1:41:32] That's what we are.

[1:41:33] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:35] Maximumfun.org

S6

[1:41:36] Comedy and culture.

[1:41:38] Artist owned.

[1:41:39] Audience supported.

Episode #390 – Beast

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