Episode #394 - Your Place or Mine, with Hallie Haglund

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss your place or mine.

[0:04] Wait, whose place is it going to be? I'm so confused.

Stuart Wellington

[0:30] Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Flop House. I'm Dan McCoy.

Dan McCoy

[0:39] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:41] I'm Elliot Kalin.

Hallie Haglund

[0:42] And I'm Hallie Hagelin.

Elliott Kalan

[0:45] The star of the show is here. Hooray.

[0:47] Yeah, that's why.

Hallie Haglund

[0:48] Pepe, pepe, pepe, pepe, pepe, pepe, pepe, pepe, pepe, pepe, pepe, pepe, pepe.

Elliott Kalan

[0:55] I forgot about your theme song, Pepepepe. It was a huge hit in Brazil.

Dan McCoy

[1:00] And it's already giggling as the show started because Hallie's actually in New York.

[1:05] Now she lives in L.A., but she came to the city and it's really nice to see her.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11] Yeah, when she heard the title of the movie, she got confused and came to your place.

Dan McCoy

[1:15] Yeah, that's right.

[1:17] Yeah, it is a movie very much about L.A. and New York,

[1:22] except that doesn't really seem to know much about either city.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25] No, not at all.

[1:26] It's about the future generic culturalist L.A. and New York that gentrification is bringing to both of us.

[1:34] But before we get into that, guys, this episode is being released on April 22nd, is it not?

[1:39] What?

[1:40] It is.

[1:40] Oh, yeah, it is.

[1:41] Is there something special going on today, April 22nd at 7 p.m. Eastern?

Dan McCoy

[1:45] Yeah, there's still time.

[1:46] Boy, what day is it today?

Elliott Kalan

[1:49] Why is it Flophouse Stream Day?

[1:51] Then I haven't missed it.

[1:53] Then buy me the biggest goose you can and also tickets to the Battlefield Earth streaming event.

[1:56] That's today at 7 p.m., April 22nd, 7 p.m.

[1:59] Go to flophousepodcast.com slash stream to watch a real professionally shot video of our Brooklyn Battlefield Earth live show.

[2:06] Also, you still have a chance to buy a VIP meet and greet ticket where you'll get to have actual conversation with the actual peaches.

[2:13] That's us.

[2:14] That's true.

[2:14] Hallie not included.

[2:14] I'm sorry.

[2:15] She's very popular, but she's not available.

[2:17] We asked her, but we didn't actually ask her.

Dan McCoy

[2:19] We jacked up those prices if Hallie was there.

[2:21] Yeah.

[2:22] But tonight—

Hallie Haglund

[2:23] That's the VIP.

Elliott Kalan

[2:26] That's true.

[2:27] But tonight, we will be in the chat box for the premiere of the video.

[2:31] You still have weeks afterwards to watch it.

[2:33] So even if you can't make it tonight, if you still want to see it, please buy a ticket.

[2:37] And if you can't make it tonight, enjoy chatting with us while we watch our own show.

[2:41] Kind of weird, but that's the second screen experience that I guess we all want these days.

[2:46] And we'll have some great, great new merchandise available.

[2:49] I know I'm going to buy some.

[2:50] I hope you do too because we get money from it.

[2:52] And also, it'll look good in your home, I guess, but mostly because we get money from it.

[2:55] Tickets are available at flophousepodcast.com slash stream.

Hallie Haglund

[2:59] Wait.

[3:00] When you guys are going to be chatting, what does that mean?

[3:02] Do they see your face or is it just like they're like AOL chatting?

Dan McCoy

[3:06] No.

[3:07] It's like a lot of these streaming events have a constant chat going on on the side.

[3:12] In text.

[3:12] Like a Twitch style thing and we'll also be there.

[3:17] I'm really looking forward to it.

[3:19] I got to say because a lot of people don't like to hear or see themselves.

[3:23] I am curious.

[3:24] I'm curious.

[3:24] I'm trapped inside this body.

[3:26] Curious yellow.

[3:26] Yeah.

[3:27] I want to see what it's like.

[3:30] That's why Dan lives in a house of mirrors.

Elliott Kalan

[3:34] He's just like Patrick Bateman watching himself in the mirror as he has sex because he's more interested in himself in that moment than he is in his partner.

[3:41] Guys, I get it now.

[3:42] Oh, boy.

[3:43] Now that you're ripped, you really understand it.

[3:47] Get that shirt off, Stuart.

[3:50] And if you're listening to this episode after April 22nd, again, like I said, you can still buy a ticket to watch the video if you missed our Brooklyn Live show.

[3:57] And speaking of Brooklyn, this movie takes place in Brooklyn because, Dan, what do we do on this podcast about movies?

Dan McCoy

[4:02] Well, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[4:07] This movie, I believe, was just straight to Netflix.

[4:11] I don't think this got it.

[4:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:12] So where does it fall on your beloved tomato meter?

[4:17] My beloved tomato meter?

Elliott Kalan

[4:18] Well, that's his tomato meter that he uses to compare movies to beloved.

[4:22] Not the movie, but the original book by Toni Morrison.

[4:24] Yeah.

[4:28] So, Dan, how does your place or mine compare to the harrowing story of American history?

[4:32] That is beloved.

Dan McCoy

[4:35] Well, it's a lot more pleasant to sort of have on in the background while you're like maybe doing chores.

[4:42] As an artistic achievement, I don't think it stacks up to beloved.

[4:46] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[4:46] Now compare it to Bluest Eye.

Dan McCoy

[4:49] Wait, what's that?

Stuart Wellington

[4:50] Oh, that's another Toni Morrison book.

[4:52] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[4:53] That's not Toni Morrison.

[4:54] Oh, shit.

Dan McCoy

[4:56] Wow.

[4:56] That's Alice Waters, right?

Stuart Wellington

[4:57] Alex, Alex, edit that out.

[4:59] Oh, no, that isn't Toni Morrison.

[5:00] No, it is Toni Morrison.

[5:01] Oh, my God.

[5:01] I fucking nailed it.

[5:02] You guys said, oh, man, all my haters can suck.

[5:04] What movie?

[5:05] Oh, I'm thinking of the color purple.

[5:06] You're talking about Elliot.

[5:07] You know what?

Elliott Kalan

[5:07] Keep it in.

[5:08] Elliot is all your haters.

[5:08] Keep it in.

[5:09] You know what, Elliot?

Hallie Haglund

[5:10] You are colorblind, remember?

Elliott Kalan

[5:12] That's true, which means I also am blind to the names of the authors of books that have

[5:17] colors in the title.

[5:18] It's Alice Walker.

[5:19] Alice Waters is, I think, a chef, right?

[5:21] Well, guys, I had a lot of travel last week when I went to that Brooklyn Live show, and

[5:25] I also have a cold, so I want to apologize to Toni Morrison.

[5:29] I want to apologize to Alice Walker and Alice Waters.

[5:32] I apologize to all of them.

[5:33] And you can also just apologize to me.

[5:35] No, I think, Stuart, I think I'm going to save that correction for another day.

[5:38] It could be a simple slip of the brain.

[5:38] I think you paid Alice Waters a huge compliment.

Hallie Haglund

[5:41] Uh-huh.

[5:42] Yeah.

[5:42] No need to apologize.

[5:44] Yeah.

[5:44] To Alice Waters, specifically.

[5:46] To Alice Waters.

[5:47] Yeah.

[5:48] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:48] Yeah.

[5:49] Well, that's been our show.

Elliott Kalan

[5:51] So the movie, Your Place or Mine, is about people getting authors mixed up in their heads.

[5:57] Yeah.

[5:57] Kind of.

[5:58] It is a lot about authors.

[5:59] You know what?

Hallie Haglund

[6:00] In a way, it is.

[6:01] In a way, it is.

[6:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[6:04] Okay, so we watched a romantic comedy, which is light on both romance and comedy.

Dan McCoy

[6:09] Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher.

[6:12] And it is.

[6:12] It is.

[6:13] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[6:13] Greasy Diner Spoon and Ashton Kitchen.

Dan McCoy

[6:16] It was written and directed by one of the executive producers for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, which I discovered when I was like, there's like four actors in this that were in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

[6:26] There must be some connection.

[6:27] I looked it up and lo and behold, there it was.

[6:29] Yes.

[6:29] Aileen Brosh McKenna.

Hallie Haglund

[6:31] Yeah.

[6:32] A frequent on that one podcast.

[6:35] Script Notes.

[6:36] She's on Script Notes a lot.

Elliott Kalan

[6:37] She is on Script Notes a lot.

[6:39] I would know that.

[6:40] I knew that because I used to listen to Script Notes and eventually I had to stop listening to Script Notes.

[6:44] But, ooh.

[6:46] Maybe I shouldn't say that if I still want to work in the industry.

[6:49] Oh, boy.

[6:50] And she did The Devil Wears Prada too, right?

[6:53] She wrote it.

[6:53] I don't think she listened to it.

Hallie Haglund

[6:55] Yeah.

[6:55] A lot of questions already.

Elliott Kalan

[6:57] Okay.

[6:59] What is one of those questions?

[7:00] Just give us one.

[7:00] Just as a taste.

Hallie Haglund

[7:01] How far have you fallen, Aileen Brosh McKenna?

Elliott Kalan

[7:03] Oh, wow.

[7:04] Wow.

[7:05] Wow.

[7:06] I'm not going to go that far.

Hallie Haglund

[7:07] No.

[7:08] You don't think she listens to this, do you?

Elliott Kalan

[7:10] No, I don't think so.

[7:11] I feel like Hallie Dan and I are in this boat of like, now we're like, who do we not piss off?

[7:18] Who do we choose not to piss off?

[7:19] Who can help our career and who might hurt our career?

Dan McCoy

[7:21] I mean, let me make it very clear.

[7:22] I watched all of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

[7:24] I enjoyed that show.

[7:25] I enjoyed Devil Wears Prada.

[7:26] I love Devil Wears Prada.

[7:27] Everyone has their ups and downs.

[7:30] Yeah, that's true.

[7:31] We're not saying anything other than maybe next time.

[7:34] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:35] We occasionally release a not perfect podcast episode.

[7:38] Surely not.

[7:40] No, never.

[7:40] It's possible.

[7:41] I mean, maybe we will at some point.

[7:44] Thank you.

[7:44] Thank you, Aileen.

[7:45] I've never listened to this podcast.

[7:47] Have you never even listened to one that you're on?

[7:49] No.

[7:50] Yeah.

[7:50] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[7:52] Well, you're beloved.

[7:53] People like you.

[7:53] She did it.

[7:56] And Hallie responded to that with a sort of like cute little nose wrinkle that no one

[8:00] can see because this is...

Stuart Wellington

[8:02] It's recorded.

[8:03] Yeah.

[8:03] So we watched this movie.

[8:06] We're going to talk about it.

[8:07] It's a romantic comedy.

[8:08] It does do a very clever thing, which is takes its two leads who have no chemistry together

[8:13] and keeps them separate the whole movie.

[8:15] Keeps an entire country between them the whole time.

Elliott Kalan

[8:19] Yeah.

[8:19] The entirety of the North American continent.

Dan McCoy

[8:20] Yeah.

[8:21] This is one of these things like...

[8:23] So maybe we need to steer away from high concept rom-coms because like the premise to this

[8:29] is interesting, but it also sort of stays in the way of the thing that you maybe want to

[8:38] see out of a romantic comedy, which is the characters relating to one each other and realizing they're

[8:44] in love and all of that stuff.

[8:46] Like the premise to this, to put it very quickly, is that like essentially through plot machinations

[8:54] that don't make any sense and we'll get into that, they switch apartments for a week.

Elliott Kalan

[8:59] I'm curious that you called it a high concept rom-com because as far as concepts, it's fairly

[9:03] low concept.

Dan McCoy

[9:05] It's essentially one person is going to babysit for the other one and that's why they're switching

[9:08] houses.

[9:09] No, no, no, no.

[9:12] I think high concept can be used for this because it's just like, it has come to be used for

[9:19] like, it has like a premise, like a big like log line premise rather than like, it's just

[9:26] a movie where people fall in love.

[9:28] I guess so.

Elliott Kalan

[9:29] I mean, the log line premise is just two friends switch houses for a week.

Dan McCoy

[9:33] Yeah, but it is like they keep, it's, you know, much like something like Sleepous in Seattle.

[9:37] It's like, we're keeping the lovers separated.

[9:39] Like they're not actually interacting.

[9:41] Like that is unusual for a rom-com and like the whole thing is like-

Elliott Kalan

[9:44] I can only think of Sleepous in Seattle and Bubble Boy, I guess, as the two movies that

[9:47] keep the lovers separated.

Dan McCoy

[9:49] They switch houses and they like learn about each other's lives.

[9:54] And room.

[9:54] And what?

[9:54] Also?

[9:55] Room.

[9:56] Yeah, room.

Stuart Wellington

[9:57] Classic rom-com.

Dan McCoy

[10:00] I didn't expect so much pushback for what I thought was a very simple thing I was trying

[10:03] to say.

[10:04] Have you listened to this podcast, Dan?

[10:06] That's what we do.

Stuart Wellington

[10:07] I'm just trying to say-

[10:08] You're like Hallie, you never actually listen to the show.

[10:10] Elliot got on my case about my Toni Morrison bit, Dan.

[10:13] What the hell?

Elliott Kalan

[10:14] And I was wrong.

[10:15] So Dan, take that to mean that's precedent.

[10:17] I can be wrong when I push back.

Dan McCoy

[10:18] I'm just saying, if I'm literally saying I'm going to do something in a short amount of

[10:22] time, why do we have to extend it?

Elliott Kalan

[10:24] I never said I would do it in a short amount of time.

[10:26] That's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[10:26] You can speak for yourself, mister.

[10:27] No, I know you didn't.

[10:28] But why do you feel the need anyway?

[10:32] I'm just saying, like, the idea for this, like, what I'm sure it was sold on, like, if

[10:38] you're trying to make a movie, you have to have, like, a premise that, like, the elevator

[10:42] pitch, let's say that rather than high concept.

[10:45] The elevator pitch is like, oh, it's a rom-com where they switch lives, essentially, kind

[10:51] of for a week.

Stuart Wellington

[10:51] Can you give me an example of another pitch?

Dan McCoy

[10:53] No, I can't.

Stuart Wellington

[10:54] Like a quick one.

[10:55] I'm not going to do it.

Dan McCoy

[10:56] Okay.

[10:57] They switch lives for a little bit.

[10:58] And, like, that is what helps them realize that they're in love is they, like, sort of

[11:03] see the other person in a more rounded way, perhaps.

[11:06] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:06] In a new way.

[11:07] It precipitates, like, finally that emotion.

[11:12] And fine.

[11:14] Like, that makes it more easy to sell.

[11:16] But does that make it a story that, like, works?

[11:20] Like, that's the question.

[11:20] In this case, maybe not.

Elliott Kalan

[11:22] We'll find out on today's episode of The Flophouse.

[11:24] And, Stuart, an example of a high concept elevator pitch would be, like, Die Hard.

[11:28] It's like Die Hard in a building.

Stuart Wellington

[11:29] Oh, okay.

[11:30] That makes sense.

[11:31] Or how about, I'm not in the industry, guys, but how about this?

[11:34] There's a guy named Ted, and he's like a bear, and he hangs out with Mark Wahlberg all

[11:38] the time.

[11:39] Yep, yep.

[11:40] That would be his like of a bear.

[11:41] And it's a show called Ted.

[11:42] It's called Ted, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[11:44] Or, for instance, the pitch for Cocaine Bear, which was Cocaine Bear.

[11:48] Oh, yeah.

[11:49] Yeah.

[11:49] Hey, keep it simple, stupid.

[11:50] Exactly.

[11:51] Or the pitch for the band Kiss, which was Keep It Simple Stupid the band.

[11:55] They kind of moved away from the original pitch eventually, and they became Knights in Satan's

[11:58] Service.

[11:58] But eventually, it was all about keeping it simple.

Stuart Wellington

[12:00] I feel like their whole thing is not keeping it simple.

Elliott Kalan

[12:05] No, listen, I want to rock and roll all night and party every day.

[12:08] Keep it simple.

[12:09] I do one thing all night, and I do one thing during the day.

[12:11] I do not mix up.

Dan McCoy

[12:13] I guess you're right.

Elliott Kalan

[12:13] I was born for loving you.

[12:15] You were born for loving me.

[12:16] Keep it simple.

[12:16] We don't do anything else.

[12:17] We just love each other.

[12:18] Is that them?

[12:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[12:20] I don't really know a lot of the Kiss songs other than the obvious ones.

[12:23] Like Lick It Up?

[12:24] Like rock and roll all night and party every day.

[12:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[12:28] So let's talk about the movie.

Dan McCoy

[12:30] You might say Dan has never been kissed.

[12:34] You could say that.

[12:36] Yeah, you could.

[12:38] It would be a little weird.

[12:38] Is that what that movie was about?

[12:40] Drew Barrymore finally listening to Kiss?

[12:42] Yeah.

[12:43] It was a spiritual scene for all time.

[12:45] This is what I've been missing all my life.

[12:46] Yeah, the headphones on.

[12:47] She puts an LP on, and she's like, you see the awakening.

[12:51] It's just like a scene in Garden State.

[12:52] She shares her headphones with him, and it's just, I want to rock and roll all night.

[12:56] It will change your life.

[12:57] And the person's like, I've heard this song.

[12:59] It's on the radio all the time.

Elliott Kalan

[13:01] She goes, oh, that's Kiss.

[13:03] I have heard them.

[13:04] And hands the headphones back.

[13:05] Yeah.

[13:06] So this movie starts much like Sheryl Crow's hit song in L.A.

[13:11] The year is 2003.

[13:12] At the beginning of a—

Dan McCoy

[13:13] How do you know it's in 2003, L.A.?

Elliott Kalan

[13:16] Because on-screen text tells us it's 2003 and then points with arrows at all the 2003 specific

[13:22] fashion choices.

[13:24] And I wonder, do you guys think, was this written into the movie, or was this

[13:27] post trying to, like, add jokes to the movie?

[13:30] Was this something that was originally supposed to be there, or were they like, this scene

[13:33] doesn't really have any jokes.

[13:34] Let's throw some jokes in there.

Dan McCoy

[13:36] I think it was probably already in there.

[13:39] My objection to this was like—

[13:41] It treats you like you're an idiot?

[13:42] Well, it goes on for a long time.

[13:45] Like, when there was just, like, a couple of things, I'm like, oh, this is kind of a

[13:48] funny thing.

[13:50] Because, like, let's point out, like, just, like, a few indicators.

[13:53] And it's like, but, you know, it doesn't really change that much.

[13:55] But then it keeps going and going and going.

[13:58] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[13:59] Yeah.

[13:59] By the time it gets to, like, wallet chain and stuff like that, which I don't know if

[14:03] that's necessarily a 2003 thing.

Stuart Wellington

[14:05] Is it?

[14:06] Oh, that's your issue with it.

[14:07] I thought it's because, like, you could just have them have a wallet chain and assume

[14:12] people would be like, oh, man, I remember when I had one of those, as opposed to the movie

[14:16] being like, stop real quick.

[14:17] Yeah.

[14:17] Look at that wallet chain.

Elliott Kalan

[14:18] Duh.

[14:19] Well, if only they had shot this the way they shot Boyhood, where they didn't know which

[14:22] stuff was going to be big cultural indicators at the time.

[14:25] So they don't have an area that's like—

[14:27] Like Ethan Hawke?

[14:27] Yeah, exactly.

[14:28] They don't have an area that's like, look at that iMac with all the colors on it.

[14:32] We don't have those anymore.

[14:33] Remember those computers?

[14:34] You know.

[14:35] But anyway, it's 2003.

[14:36] The text on screen tells us.

[14:38] And Debbie and Peter, a.k.a. Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher, they've just met at a

[14:43] poker game, and they suddenly can't take their hands off each other.

[14:45] Their friends leave, and they don't even notice because they're so busy macking.

[14:49] They have sex.

[14:50] Before they do that—

[14:51] Wow, macking?

[14:52] Yeah.

[14:52] That's an indicator of the time period.

[14:55] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[14:56] I mean, look up when I was born—

[14:57] Keep going, Elliot.

[14:58] I'm loving it.

[14:58] I think the last time I heard someone say macking was when I was at church camp as

[15:04] a junior high kid, and I was accused of macking.

Hallie Haglund

[15:08] Yeah, that's not the context that I've heard.

[15:11] Like, I think you're misusing macking, actually.

Elliott Kalan

[15:14] What I mean is that they're dressed up as Mac tonight, the McDonald's pitchman who is a

[15:18] giant room with sunglasses.

[15:20] Yeah, it's horrifying.

[15:20] It's horrifying.

[15:21] It's like body horror at this point.

[15:23] Before they have sex, Ashton mentions he's written 23 short stories, and he's also amazed

[15:28] at how many books Reese Witherspoon has off camera.

[15:32] Yeah, 23 short stories about Glenn Gould.

[15:34] That movie ripped me off, he says.

[15:36] These two things that he was once a writer and is no longer, and that she likes books a lot,

[15:42] will become the defining—two of the defining characteristics about these characters.

Dan McCoy

[15:45] Although neither of them seem like that's true, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[15:49] No, we almost—we rarely see Reese Witherspoon reading.

[15:52] Characters talk about how much she loves books.

[15:54] She wears a Powell's bookstore shirt.

[15:56] She stops at a little free library.

[15:58] This movie is really pandering to me.

[16:00] At one point, Ashton Kutcher walks by the Strand, and I was like, this movie is really trying

[16:04] very hard to bring in a lot of bookstores that I've been to.

[16:07] But it's just—similarly, we'll learn later their personalities more because we're told

[16:12] a lot about it than because we see it.

[16:14] 25 years later, suddenly it's 25 years later.

[16:16] It's the morning of Ashton Kutcher's birthday.

[16:18] It seems at first like she and Reese—like she—like he and Reese Witherspoon are waking

[16:22] up together.

[16:23] But surprise, he lives in New York now.

[16:25] She's still in LA, and it's a split screen.

[16:27] They're talking all morning on the phone with each other in the first of one of many Brian

[16:31] De Palma slash Robert Aldrich-style split screens.

[16:35] It turns out after that one-night stand, they became best friends who share no interests or

[16:39] values or habits.

[16:41] I don't know why they're friends.

[16:42] Reese Witherspoon, we learn she's the anxious, uptight one who always does the smart, easy,

[16:47] simple, safe choice.

[16:50] And Ashton Kutcher, he's the reckless one who's afraid of coming.

[16:53] The movie keeps telling us this out loud, but we don't really see the characters particularly

[16:58] act that way.

[16:59] Dan, what were you going to say?

Dan McCoy

[17:00] Well, I mean, yes.

[17:03] They don't act like the way that they're supposed to.

[17:05] I mean, like, Reese acts like someone who's anxious.

[17:09] Like, the movie gives her a lot of business with that.

[17:11] A little bit.

[17:12] But I think Ashton Kutcher, like, everyone keeps talking about how irresponsible he is.

[17:16] And apparently, he's, like, extremely successful.

[17:19] And it's not saying that that cannot make someone, like, that people like that can't be irresponsible

[17:24] in a number of ways.

Elliott Kalan

[17:25] The richest man in America did buy a social media company because he wanted people to think

[17:30] he was cool.

[17:30] True, true.

[17:30] Actively dismantling it as time goes on because people still don't think he's cool.

Dan McCoy

[17:34] But we don't see any of those ways.

[17:36] So, all we're left with is this experience of a man who has everything pretty well together.

[17:41] But, uh...

Stuart Wellington

[17:42] Yeah, he has an apartment that looks like an Airbnb.

[17:44] He, uh...

Hallie Haglund

[17:45] I mean, he has an apartment that literally uses that stock photo, Elliot, behind you as the view.

Elliott Kalan

[17:51] Yes, he has a very expensive Dumbo apartment.

[17:53] They both...

[17:54] He's super successful.

[17:55] He has this huge Dumbo apartment.

[17:57] And before we learn he's not a writer, I was watching it with my wife and Danielle.

[18:00] I was like, he got that on a writer's income?

[18:03] Yeah.

[18:03] But also, Reese Witherspoon later is like, I need to make...

[18:07] I've done the safe choices for my job.

[18:08] I need to start making more money to support me and my son.

[18:10] And she lives in, like, a beautiful house on the Silver Lake Reservoir.

[18:13] So, they're both...

[18:14] They're living the affluent life even though...

Stuart Wellington

[18:16] She bought it in 2003, Elliot.

[18:18] Okay, that's fair.

Elliott Kalan

[18:19] When it was nearly expensive as opposed to unreasonably expensive.

Dan McCoy

[18:22] Yeah.

[18:23] But the one thing I wanted to push back on was just this idea that, like...

[18:26] I mean, people with different personalities, like, are friends all the time.

[18:31] Sometimes you seek out people with different personalities.

[18:33] Hey, uh, elephant in the room, Dan and Elliot.

[18:37] Yeah, we're extremely...

[18:38] The ultimate rock cop.

[18:39] Yeah.

[18:41] That's true.

[18:41] But, I mean, I think sometimes you seek out people who, like, fill you out rather than people

[18:45] who just sort of confirm the person you are already.

[18:49] However, I agree.

[18:50] That's what I say.

Elliott Kalan

[18:51] Whenever I meet a new person, I think it would be a good friend to say, hey, you want to

[18:54] fill me out?

Dan McCoy

[18:56] And they're like, ew, gross.

[18:57] No, I don't.

[18:58] I don't know what that means.

[18:58] You want to do some me outfilling?

Elliott Kalan

[19:00] I don't have a lot of friends.

[19:02] Yeah.

[19:03] We also learned that...

[19:04] So, Reese Witherspoon, she's a divorcee with a teen son, Jack, who has a lot of allergies

[19:08] and she's very overprotective of him.

[19:10] And we also learned a defining...

Stuart Wellington

[19:12] We probably learned that because she is telling her friend Tig Notaro and she's like, I'm

[19:16] very protective of my son with his many allergies.

Dan McCoy

[19:18] And Tig goes overprotective.

[19:20] Wait, and also, I want to mention...

[19:21] Speaking of people I don't think should be friends, like, I don't understand why Tig Notaro

[19:25] is friends with Reese Witherspoon.

[19:27] That was the part that confused me.

Elliott Kalan

[19:28] All these characters have long histories and we don't really know how that came about.

[19:33] But here's the other thing.

[19:34] We learned something very important about Ashton Kutcher.

[19:36] He loves the band The Cars and that's all he listens to.

[19:39] And that will be a surprisingly defining characteristic for him, that he loves The Cars.

Dan McCoy

[19:43] And the movie.

[19:43] But, I mean, with Tig Notaro being her friend, like, that character is written mostly...

[19:50] Like, she gets a couple of good lines that she kills because she's funny, but, like, mostly

[19:55] that character is written as bland, like, friend who is only concerned with how Reese Witherspoon's

[20:01] life is going and, like, giving Reese Witherspoon advice on her own life.

[20:05] And Tig Notaro's whole affect, like, makes me think, like, she wouldn't, like, get wound

[20:11] up in this shit.

[20:12] Okay.

[20:13] She's got her own stuff going on.

[20:14] She doesn't care about this nonsense.

Hallie Haglund

[20:15] She was my favorite character.

[20:17] But what does she have going on in her life?

[20:20] Because I kind of thought she might have been a figment of their imagination.

Elliott Kalan

[20:25] Like a Tyler Durden type thing.

[20:26] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[20:26] She just, like, shows up all of a sudden holding a coffee and, like, I know nothing else about

[20:32] her.

Elliott Kalan

[20:33] They're somehow co-workers at the same school, I think, but I don't know what either of them

[20:37] really do there.

[20:39] And here's the thing with the movie.

[20:41] It's like Tig Notaro is the movie's first attempt at giving Reese Witherspoon a, like,

[20:45] snarky sidekick.

[20:46] And it's not working out.

[20:47] So the movie kind of lessens her role and brings in another character later to be Reese Witherspoon's

[20:52] new snarky sidekick.

[20:53] And it's just like, movie, you're going through snarky sidekicks at a fast pace.

[20:57] Like, conserve them.

Hallie Haglund

[20:58] You guys think that Tig Notaro wasn't working?

[21:01] I feel like she was the only thing that was working.

[21:03] Oh, no, no.

[21:03] I don't.

[21:04] I actually think she's really funny.

Elliott Kalan

[21:06] I'm not saying that she's not working for the movie as a comedy sidekick.

[21:11] I just think it's funny that the movie is like, here's your standard issue romantic comedy

[21:16] snarky sidekick.

[21:17] Forget it.

[21:18] Sideliner.

[21:18] Bring in a new one.

[21:19] Bring in Zoe Chow.

Hallie Haglund

[21:20] Because she has to become Ashton Kutcher's snarky sidekick.

Elliott Kalan

[21:25] Yeah.

[21:26] Yeah.

[21:26] I think it works.

[21:27] It's a sidekick.

[21:28] I think it works, guys.

[21:29] I know.

[21:30] She's a character that doesn't really exist except to be a snarky sidekick.

[21:33] So Reese Witherspoon, this is the important thing.

[21:35] I think she doesn't really exist.

[21:37] It's very possible that she's a shared delusion.

Stuart Wellington

[21:39] Like, she shows up when Ashton Kutcher needs to have somebody to talk to.

Elliott Kalan

[21:43] Like, it's perfect.

[21:44] I mean, if the other sidekick of Minka, played by Zoe Chow, didn't interact with a third character,

[21:50] I would assume that she was a figment.

[21:52] Zoe Chow was also great, by the way.

[21:55] What is she from?

[21:56] And if that third character didn't professionally help Ashton Kutcher's career by the end,

[22:00] I would assume he was a figment of Reese Witherspoon's imagination.

Dan McCoy

[22:02] Did you watch The After Party on Apple TV?

[22:06] No.

[22:06] She only watched The Party.

Stuart Wellington

[22:07] She's also in the new season of Party Down.

Hallie Haglund

[22:11] Oh, you guys only—I go to parties, okay?

[22:14] I don't watch stuff.

[22:15] Oh, cool.

[22:16] Oh, man.

Elliott Kalan

[22:16] She's just big dick to us.

[22:18] I don't go to parties.

[22:19] This counts as a party for me.

[22:20] Reese Witherspoon is leaving her son at home for a week so she can go to New York to take

[22:24] a week-long accounting course that I guess will give her a degree in accounting.

[22:28] This made me so—

Dan McCoy

[22:29] That don't exist in L.A.

[22:30] There's no accounting classes.

Elliott Kalan

[22:32] Apparently, you can't get an accounting degree in L.A., but maybe it's just that in

[22:35] New York, you can get a one-week rushed accounting degree.

[22:38] Dan, vent your rage on this.

Dan McCoy

[22:40] No, this is what I was—like, there's no way she can do this at home.

[22:44] She has to fly to the other coast for one week to account.

[22:49] Like, do a correspondence course even.

Stuart Wellington

[22:52] This is set in a new world, Dan, where President Joe Biden has made remote classes illegal.

Dan McCoy

[22:57] Made accounting illegal in 49 states.

Elliott Kalan

[23:02] Yeah.

[23:02] Well, it's only in New York do they have one of the Battlefield Earth quick learning chairs

[23:07] that they can strap in so that a very humble, low-self-esteem alien can teach you accounting

[23:11] fast.

[23:12] Hey, go to flophousepodcast.com slash stream.

[23:15] Figure out what I'm talking about.

Dan McCoy

[23:16] And similarly, similarly, because Rachel Bloom, who was Reese Witherspoon's sister?

[23:24] Or friend?

[23:25] It's not clear.

[23:26] Oh, yeah.

[23:26] Honestly, I fell asleep at this part.

Hallie Haglund

[23:28] So can you guys—I remembered she was in the movie, but I don't remember what she did.

Dan McCoy

[23:32] Well, she also has to leave town.

[23:33] So, like, Jack flies the other way across the country to take care of the kid.

[23:39] There's no local other option other than Rachel Bloom—like, this Rachel Bloomless wasteland.

[23:42] Well, we've established that Tig Notaro doesn't exist.

Elliott Kalan

[23:45] Jack can't stay at Tig Notaro's house because she doesn't exist.

[23:48] Yeah.

[23:49] How's she going to give him a bath?

[23:51] Rachel Bloom—I mean, he's old enough to probably take showers at this point.

[23:55] But Tig Notaro—I'm sorry.

[23:57] Rachel Bloom is supposed to watch him for the week, but she gets cast in a role in a movie.

[24:01] She really only has two scenes in the film.

[24:05] But we've also—

[24:05] But she's going to be in the background of a lot of important scenes.

Dan McCoy

[24:08] Yeah, you have to downplay her achievement, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[24:12] I apologize.

[24:13] You're right.

[24:14] So, meanwhile, we should mention that also Ashton Kutcher's girlfriend of six months has broken up with him.

[24:20] Also from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

[24:22] Also another Crazy Ex-Girlfriend cast member.

[24:24] Has broken up with him because their relationship after six months is going nowhere.

[24:27] Broke up with him on his birthday.

[24:29] And he also turned down a job with two surprisingly emotional executives who take the rejection very hard.

[24:35] In a scene that is fairly airless.

[24:39] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[24:39] Well, he's—so he's like a consultant guy.

[24:42] Like, he doesn't like to put down roots.

[24:43] Social media consultant, right?

[24:45] Yeah, something like that.

[24:46] Like, rebranding consultant.

Elliott Kalan

[24:47] Branding is his thing.

[24:49] And so, Ashton Kutcher has nothing tying in there.

[24:52] He has no job.

[24:53] He has no girlfriend.

[24:54] Why not fly cross-country and watch his friends kid for a week?

Stuart Wellington

[24:57] He barely has fucking furniture.

Elliott Kalan

[25:00] Yeah, his apartment is very empty.

[25:02] He does—I wish they had gone all the way and had him have a garbage can that was just a shopping—plastic shopping bag hung on a—hug on a cabinet knob.

[25:09] Because I feel like that's the sign of a bachelor apartment is when all the garbage is going into a plastic shopping bag hung on a cabinet knob.

Stuart Wellington

[25:15] Not in current New York.

[25:16] You can't get a plastic bag anymore.

[25:19] Oh, boy.

[25:20] You have to use a strand tote.

Dan McCoy

[25:23] That is issued to you when you come to the city.

[25:28] Yeah, like, I get that to some degree this is to indicate how much they care about one another and how, you know, Ashton Kutcher, like, is carrying this torch that he is only maybe partially aware of, if at all, that he is doing all of this.

[25:44] But it still seems like so much plot machinery that could have been oiled a little bit better, let's say, to get this—to kick this movie off.

Elliott Kalan

[25:56] All right.

[25:56] Well, let's—so he flies out.

[25:58] She flies back.

[25:58] It's his turn to support her.

[25:59] He mentions how she picked him up at rehab a couple times.

[26:02] She's always been there for him.

[26:03] It's time for him to be there for her.

[26:04] Ashton's first job, picking up Jack from school.

[26:07] He talks to Tig Notaro.

[26:08] Again, not evidence that this character is real.

[26:10] He could also be—it could also be their—it's like the child in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

[26:14] It's a shared game that they play.

[26:16] They have a friend who's Tig Notaro.

Hallie Haglund

[26:19] Spoiler!

[26:20] Sorry for anyone who hasn't seen Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

[26:24] Wow!

Elliott Kalan

[26:25] Yeah, I forgot that Edward Albee, he said, please, don't reveal the shocking surprise ending of my thriller, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

Dan McCoy

[26:33] Audiences will not be seated after the opening of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

[26:37] I mean, it's a Broadway play, usually.

Elliott Kalan

[26:39] I mean, they shouldn't be seated too far into it.

Dan McCoy

[26:40] I'm thinking of the Mike Nichols film.

[26:42] Oh, the movie.

[26:43] The movie.

Elliott Kalan

[26:44] So, Ashton tries to bond with Jack, the kid, by talking about how bad his dad was and how he died drunk in a ditch.

[26:51] Classic way you bond with a young kid right away.

[26:54] And Jack reveals that his old friends won't be friends with him anymore because his mom won't let him play on the hockey team with them because she's afraid he'll be injured.

[27:02] So, we know what Jack's goal is.

[27:04] I slept through this part.

Dan McCoy

[27:05] This is helpful.

Elliott Kalan

[27:06] So, did you also sleep through the, when Ashton meets Steve Zahn's character of Zen, Reese's independently wealthy neighbor who spends most of his time taking care of her garden and playing guitar.

[27:17] This is a character that really doesn't need to be in the movie.

[27:20] And I would love for you guys to explain to me why he's in there.

[27:22] Yeah, but I like his style.

Stuart Wellington

[27:23] I like his little vibe.

Elliott Kalan

[27:25] Yeah, I think it's just like.

[27:26] It is all about vibes.

[27:27] As we talked about last week's movie.

Hallie Haglund

[27:29] I think he was, he shot this before White Lotus and then after it came out, he was like, can we just cut out my part, please?

Dan McCoy

[27:38] I mean, I think I can only imagine they're like, if we have Steve Zahn available, we want to put him in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[27:44] I mean, he's really likable in it.

[27:46] Again, like the movie has a couple of side, as many rom-coms do.

[27:49] The side characters are the strong part of the movie.

[27:52] And the main characters are not.

[27:53] But Ashton instantly dislikes Zen, played by Steve Zahn.

[27:57] Zahn, Zen, it's confusing.

[27:59] Hey, do you guys think on the set they ever called him Zahn by accident on camera?

[28:03] And Zen off camera?

[28:04] Did we do this bit?

[28:06] I don't know if we used it.

[28:07] So Ashton, he hates, he's annoyed by all these post-it notes that Reese Witherspoon has left everywhere with instructions.

[28:13] And Reese Witherspoon is, Goat walks around Ashton's big empty apartment and just riffs on his stuff.

[28:18] She's just riffing on the things she finds to nobody.

[28:22] The Comedy Central roast.

Stuart Wellington

[28:24] That's what happens when you own the production company of the movie.

[28:28] You can just add scenes like that.

Elliott Kalan

[28:30] Yeah.

[28:30] So Ashton Kutcher, he's a different kind of parent for Jack.

[28:33] He's like, don't do your homework.

[28:35] First, let's watch Alien, which just made me want to watch Alien so badly.

[28:38] It's such an amazing movie.

[28:39] I can't wait to share it with my children.

Stuart Wellington

[28:41] I love that it's also like brightly lit outside while they're watching it.

[28:44] No, in the middle of the day.

[28:46] He's going to suck.

Elliott Kalan

[28:48] You're not even going to be able to see a lot of it because of the glare through the window on the screen.

[28:52] And Jack reveals some kind of unflattering things that Reese Witherspoon said about Ashton.

[28:55] Everyone thinks of him as a rolling stone.

[28:57] Nothing's holding him down.

[28:59] He can't make commit minister decisions.

[29:00] Just like Papa.

[29:01] Yeah.

[29:02] Where's Papa?

[29:03] Papa Roach.

[29:04] Dan, where's Papa?

[29:05] He's a rolling stone.

[29:06] Papa Roach is kind of a rolling stone.

Hallie Haglund

[29:10] Papa Roach wishes he was in the rolling stones.

Elliott Kalan

[29:15] I mean, arguably, they're still touring.

[29:17] This begins a process of Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher realizing things about each other that they didn't know.

[29:22] They thought they knew everything about each other.

[29:24] But there's all these things in their lives that they didn't know about.

[29:27] But they do like each other.

[29:28] He finds a series of cute post-it notes from her thanking him.

[29:31] And she finds a champagne bottle that he got her as a gift.

[29:34] You sound like you're going to say a shit.

[29:36] She finds a shit he left.

[29:37] He left a big pile of his own shit in his freezer for her.

[29:41] And says, polish this turd.

[29:43] Love your best friend, Ashton.

Stuart Wellington

[29:46] Do you guys have any relationships in your life where you're like, this person and I tell each other everything?

[29:53] Because outside of like my spouse, I don't think I could say that about you.

Dan McCoy

[29:57] That's not even true of my spouse because Audrey's constantly like, you didn't tell me that.

[30:00] Why didn't you tell me that?

[30:00] I'm like, I'm sorry.

[30:01] Dan is a man of secrets.

[30:02] Dan likes secrets.

[30:03] I'm a quiet person.

Elliott Kalan

[30:04] Dan, have you told Audrey about your second wife that you keep in Ontario?

Dan McCoy

[30:07] I mean, what would be the point?

[30:11] That's just a backup in case, you know, this one is lost or stolen.

Elliott Kalan

[30:16] Your rom-com movie is called The Backup.

[30:18] And it's about a woman who understands that she is just there in case the other guy's relationship falls apart.

[30:23] She thinks she's okay with that.

[30:25] It turns out she's not.

[30:26] Or the other way around.

Hallie Haglund

[30:28] She falls in love with the guy who has to give her food in the room she's locked in.

[30:32] No, I don't like the idea that this is a real mom.

[30:34] I don't like the attempt to turn room into a room then.

[30:37] Dan said, Dan said.

Dan McCoy

[30:38] Kind of like a rancor keeper.

Hallie Haglund

[30:40] He said, I keep her as a backup.

[30:44] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[30:44] It's true.

[30:46] Now it's canon apparently.

[30:50] A horrible monster.

[30:52] Ugh, horrible.

Hallie Haglund

[30:53] So, no, also me, I don't have a relationship like that.

[30:59] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[31:00] Yes.

[31:01] So, Ashton is all like, you know, Jack, your mom sold out her ambitions to take the safe route.

[31:08] And you need to use my branding talk to get with your friends at school.

[31:12] So, I'm going to take you to a big hockey game.

[31:14] You're going to use the tickets.

[31:14] So, were those his old friends?

[31:16] One of them was.

[31:17] Yeah.

[31:17] Okay.

[31:18] And we're going to go to a big hockey game.

[31:19] You're going to use these tickets to kind of bribe them to be your friends again.

[31:23] Does it work out?

Stuart Wellington

[31:24] Of course, as you guys would imagine, I pulled up on my phone what it would cost to get a last-minute suite for an L.A. Kings game.

[31:32] And it's at least like your bargain basement's like four grand.

[31:36] Yeah.

[31:36] Just to give you a concept of the lifestyle porn of this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[31:39] But this is a movie.

[31:40] So, Ashton Kutcher has all the money in the world.

[31:42] He has all the things that he needs.

[31:45] And jumping ahead slightly, they go to the luxury box hockey game.

[31:49] Jack's friends aren't interested in talking.

[31:50] And Jack, we're talking with Jack.

[31:52] It's a total failure.

[31:52] They don't want to fill him out.

[31:54] It's just they don't want to be his friend anymore.

[31:55] They just want to use him.

Hallie Haglund

[31:56] Yeah.

[31:57] I mean, they had a good time, but not with him.

[31:58] They had a great time.

[31:59] It's a King's game, free food.

Elliott Kalan

[32:01] I mean, kids love that stuff.

[32:03] Meanwhile, Reese Witherspoon is going to her accounting course because I think I'm not – the timeline – the time – the time – so I don't even think about the time zones in the movie.

[32:11] They don't quite work exactly right.

[32:12] She goes to her course.

[32:13] She goes to her course and then she passes by a literature class where this professor who reminds me a lot of the chef-testant Greg on Top Chef.

[32:21] Yes, yes, yes.

[32:22] That's what I thought too.

[32:24] And for a minute, I was like, is that him?

[32:26] But it's not.

[32:27] And I don't want this episode to be me mistaking black creative people for other black creative people.

[32:31] I apologize.

[32:33] But he's just talking about thick books and he's like – she's like, yeah, give me some of them thick books.

[32:38] Yeah, I like them books thick.

[32:40] Yeah, I like my Godzillas.

[32:41] I like them thick.

[32:43] That's me.

[32:45] You're doing an impression of me.

[32:46] Yeah.

[32:47] And so she – there's a – I think I skipped over my accent because my notes are not as organized as they should be.

[32:54] That the previous night, an ex of Ashton Kutcher's, Minka, played by Zoe Chow, has stopped by the apartment wearing nothing underneath her robe.

[33:02] She seems to be wearing a short robe.

Hallie Haglund

[33:04] No, she was wearing a sweatshirt.

Stuart Wellington

[33:05] Oh.

[33:05] Like a hoodie.

[33:06] Yeah, it's like a hoodie dress almost.

[33:08] Yeah.

[33:09] She wants to seduce –

[33:10] I mean, it's pretty cool.

[33:10] It's a cool outfit.

[33:11] Yeah, it is.

Hallie Haglund

[33:12] I wear that as an actual outfit.

Stuart Wellington

[33:13] I mean, she looks great, but you would wear underpants underneath it probably.

[33:15] She looks a little bit like if – she looks like she – if she was on the cover of an Animorphs book, she would be transforming into an otter.

[33:23] And of course – and otters are sexy animals.

Elliott Kalan

[33:26] They're sleek.

[33:27] They're smooth.

[33:28] They're wet.

[33:29] They have whiskers.

[33:30] They drive like a dream.

[33:31] Elliot's making it way weirder than my confidence.

[33:33] They kind of hop around when they're on land, but in water, it's just kind of like a little torpedo just shooting all over the place.

[33:39] It doesn't get sexier.

[33:40] They hold hands.

[33:41] They do.

[33:42] They sleep on their back and they crack clams and things like that with rocks.

[33:47] They wrap themselves in seaweed.

[33:48] That's the way I like it.

[33:49] Mm.

[33:50] Yeah.

[33:50] Okay.

[33:50] So anyway –

Dan McCoy

[33:51] The narrowing Ali's eyes.

Hallie Haglund

[33:56] I like my women like I like my sushi wrapped in seaweed.

Elliott Kalan

[34:00] Wrapped in seaweed on top of a bed of rice.

[34:03] For more, see the movie Rising Sun.

[34:06] I just watched it.

[34:07] Served on a naked woman.

Hallie Haglund

[34:09] What?

Elliott Kalan

[34:09] That's how you like your women?

[34:10] Okay.

[34:11] Yeah, I get it.

[34:12] Yeah, I like my women served on a naked woman.

[34:14] It gets expensive.

[34:15] You're running into backups and redundancies.

Stuart Wellington

[34:18] The thing about Rising Sun, having just watched it, is I didn't realize how much –

[34:21] Is that racist?

[34:21] It's super racist.

[34:23] But it's also very funny to see Sean Connery explain Japanese culture to me.

Dan McCoy

[34:28] Yeah.

[34:29] I'm sorry.

[34:30] During the point in our history where like we were treating the Japanese as if they were

[34:34] literal like business aliens.

[34:37] Yeah.

[34:38] Very strange.

Elliott Kalan

[34:39] Anyway.

[34:40] Not okay.

[34:41] So Minka shows up.

[34:42] She's going to seduce Ashton Kutcher and then she's like, he's not here and I see you need

[34:45] a rom-com snarky sidekick.

[34:47] So that's what I am for you now.

[34:49] And unfortunately, Tig Notaro gets – she's already the snarky sidekick.

[34:53] So now this movie has two snarky sidekicks.

[34:54] But as Hallie said, Ashton Kutcher moves over and takes Tig Notaro.

[34:57] Zoe Chow is now Reese Witherspoon's snarky sidekick.

[35:00] I bring that up because now it's the next day and Minka's taking Reese out for what she

[35:04] calls fancy drinks and it just looks like they're at the bar at a hotel.

[35:08] But Reese Witherspoon acts like she's been taken to the most exclusive eyes wide shut

[35:13] orgy rich person club in the world.

Dan McCoy

[35:15] Yes.

[35:16] I was expecting it to be more of like a clubby scene where she would feel super uncomfortable.

[35:22] But yeah, it just seems like, oh, this is just somewhat upscale.

[35:27] Like she should be fine.

[35:28] Like she's not unused to like the world.

Hallie Haglund

[35:31] I thought it was very funny that her like the mark of her lack of sophistication

[35:38] was always supposed to be that she wore a jean jacket.

[35:40] Uh-huh.

[35:41] Because my baby wears a jean jacket.

[35:44] Yeah.

[35:45] Not sophisticated.

[35:45] Your baby's a dork.

Dan McCoy

[35:47] Also, I'm led to believe that they've come back.

[35:50] Is this true?

[35:52] Hallie.

[35:53] Yeah.

[35:53] Well, the stories sometimes they come back.

[35:55] And then they went out again.

[35:57] Oh, no.

[35:57] Just kidding.

[35:58] It always happens.

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] But yeah, they're like at some kind of a cocktail bar that looks like in the refurbished like

[36:04] Dumbo area that's over by like the Chaconis that opened up and the one hotel down by the

[36:10] Brooklyn Bridge.

[36:11] This is extreme narrow casting.

[36:12] Extreme regional narrow casting.

[36:14] Not just the Dumbo neighborhood, but an area, a specific corner of Dumbo.

Elliott Kalan

[36:17] And they see at sitting at the bar is that literature professor who's going on and on about those

[36:24] thick-ass books.

[36:25] And also, he's sitting with a handsome, as we learn, book editor from a publisher that

[36:31] Reese Witherspoon has read every book from.

[36:33] And they go over and introduce themselves.

[36:36] And Reese Witherspoon talks about how she's read every single book that he's edited or published.

[36:40] This should seem weird, but instead, he is very attracted.

[36:43] Because what man is not attracted to a woman who justifies everything about his existence

[36:48] as being super important and fascinating?

[36:50] It's the thing men are most attracted to is someone else's interest in them.

Hallie Haglund

[36:55] Also, I would say like a big indicator of like not a real book lover is when you base your

[37:02] fandom on the publisher.

[37:04] Like you've read everything by a certain publisher.

Elliott Kalan

[37:08] Well, especially because all the books that he mentions are completely different from each

[37:11] other.

[37:12] He's like, what about the spy thriller?

Dan McCoy

[37:14] Yep.

[37:14] What about the Dust Bowl romance?

[37:16] Yep.

[37:17] He's like the A24 of publishing, I guess.

[37:20] That makes sense.

[37:21] It's a brand.

Stuart Wellington

[37:22] Strong brand.

[37:23] It's the 20 bucks spin of publishing.

Elliott Kalan

[37:25] I mean, I guess you could say, I mean, I am a, I am big into Marvel comics and that's

[37:30] me going by a specific publisher, I guess.

[37:32] But I feel like they've got a brand new style.

[37:34] We're going to get some fucking hate mail.

Dan McCoy

[37:35] They've also like, I mean, like at this point it's all woven in all the characters.

[37:39] Like that shared universe makes, it makes sense that you're a fan of like this as a brand

[37:44] rather than.

Elliott Kalan

[37:44] It's possible that this editor, Theo, played by Jesse Williams, that it is a shared universe

[37:48] publisher where all the books link together.

[37:50] You know.

Dan McCoy

[37:51] It was hard, it's hard to get the cookbooks in there, but they find a way.

Elliott Kalan

[37:54] But they did it.

[37:56] So, and he asks for Reese's number, which is funny to me because when I saw him and the

[38:01] professor sitting together, I assumed that the scene would be that they are gay and Reese

[38:04] tries to hit on them and it turns out they're not interested in her.

[38:07] But that's not the scene that happened at all.

[38:08] That would have been not a great comedy scene, but possibly a comedy scene.

[38:13] We didn't get a comedy scene out of this comedy scene.

Dan McCoy

[38:14] Yeah, there aren't really, there's not much comedy in this rom-com.

[38:18] It's pleasant.

[38:19] There's not much rom.

[38:23] And Minka reveals to Reese Witherspoon that Ashton Kutcher.

[38:26] Wait, let's figure out what it has.

[38:30] There's not much com.

[38:30] There's a little bit of rom.

[38:32] There's not much dram.

[38:34] Very little dram.

[38:34] If that's what you say, drama.

[38:36] Yeah.

[38:37] It's kind of com.

[38:38] There's a lot of hyphen.

[38:39] Stuart, is there any crom in it?

[38:41] I fucking wish.

Elliott Kalan

[38:44] Reese is like, hey, I have to miss class because I need to go.

[38:47] It's a holiday for crom, for worshipers of crom.

[38:50] This is the day when we celebrate not that crom gives us anything in life, but merely that he has gifted us with existence and the strength to persevere.

Stuart Wellington

[38:58] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[38:59] The log line would be, it's young, dumb, and full of crom.

Elliott Kalan

[39:07] Exactly.

[39:08] So Minka says, you know, once I was looking in Ashton Kutcher's oven and I found he had, I seen him for diamonds.

[39:15] I saw a little peek behind the curtain.

[39:18] And I found a manuscript that he wrote.

[39:20] He secretly wrote a big novel.

[39:22] And Reese Witherspoon's like, he never told me he wrote a novel.

[39:25] But we tell each other everything, right?

[39:27] They tell each other everything.

[39:27] It sounds like it's not everything, I guess.

[39:29] And Reese and Ashton, they're both stressed out by these revelations.

[39:32] They take baths and then split screen, talk about it.

[39:35] Reese Witherspoon, she says, you know what?

[39:36] I shouldn't do this.

[39:38] I'm going to start reading this novel.

[39:39] She can't put it down.

[39:40] She even reads it in class, which is crazy.

[39:42] She has like five days of class.

[39:44] And she spends one of them reading her friend's novel.

[39:46] Just don't show up or I don't know what.

[39:48] If this is that important to you, put it down.

[39:50] She can't.

[39:50] She gives the manuscript to Theo, the editor, and says, well, I edit it freelance.

[39:55] I'm the editor on it.

[39:56] And they learn they're both divorced with kids whose names rhyme, which in rom-com.

[40:01] And they're both 13.

[40:02] And both their kids are 13.

[40:04] Her kid is Jack.

[40:04] His kid is Mac.

[40:05] And this is in rom-com logic.

[40:07] This means they should, of course, be together because they're – I mean, obviously, they shouldn't be together.

[40:11] She should be with her best friend because romantic comedies have taught us a very toxic and dangerous lesson,

[40:17] which is that if you have a crush on your friend, you just have to either wait it out or do something crazy to show them that they should be with you.

[40:24] Wait, Jack, what's the other kid's name?

[40:26] I think his son's name is Mac.

Dan McCoy

[40:28] Oh, that's why.

Elliott Kalan

[40:29] Unless it's your daughter and it's Alex Mac, who has a whole secret life.

Dan McCoy

[40:33] I mean, look.

[40:34] Or secret world.

[40:35] There wasn't 20 years in between, but I did – Audrey and I did sort of briefly date and then become friends and then get married.

[40:46] So, you know.

[40:50] So, I'm going to get back to Dan and his relationship.

[40:52] I just – you know, it was called a toxic lesson.

Elliott Kalan

[40:55] We got too far away from it.

[40:56] What Dan is saying is right.

[40:57] If you're out there and you have a crush on one of your friends, if she says she's not interested, wait her out.

[41:01] Well, I mean, that's not what happened.

[41:02] Wait her out.

[41:03] Make it work.

[41:04] Keep pushing.

[41:05] If she says no, that's the flop house message.

[41:08] If she says no, keep pushing.

[41:10] That part of it didn't happen.

[41:11] Romantic comedies and Dan say no just means give me a little bit more time.

[41:15] No, don't.

Dan McCoy

[41:15] No.

[41:16] Respect boundaries.

Elliott Kalan

[41:18] No means do a bigger stunt that shows how much you care.

Dan McCoy

[41:22] I didn't do a stunt.

Elliott Kalan

[41:25] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[41:27] Now I'm imagining myself like doing a literal stunt to get on her.

Elliott Kalan

[41:31] Yeah, like –

[41:32] He ripped the long fucking half.

[41:34] Yeah, drive a car through a plate glass window.

[41:37] I didn't show you how much I love you.

[41:38] We should be together.

[41:39] Yeah.

[41:40] So did you guys – so there's not very much chemistry between Reese and Ashton.

[41:43] What about between Debbie and Theo?

[41:45] Is there chemistry between her and this editor?

[41:47] What did you guys think?

[41:49] Yes.

[41:50] More.

[41:51] That's fine.

[41:51] More than.

[41:52] I feel like there was more.

[41:53] I did feel like it was –

Hallie Haglund

[41:54] I was like, who am I supposed to be rooting for?

Dan McCoy

[41:55] Yeah.

[41:56] This is a movie that doesn't have easy answers for you.

[41:58] Yeah.

[41:58] We may just be reacting to the fact that they are in the same room on a date versus –

[42:04] And he sells it on the phone.

Stuart Wellington

[42:07] He's beautiful.

[42:08] He's beautiful.

[42:09] His eyes are smoldering.

[42:10] Exactly.

[42:10] And he's giving her that look.

Elliott Kalan

[42:12] He is bringing a lot to this.

[42:14] In Auden terms, he is the more loving one.

[42:18] He's bringing a lot of that emotional energy.

Stuart Wellington

[42:21] And there's a similar scene reversed with – I don't know if we're at that point yet.

[42:26] We're not, but we can talk about it.

[42:28] Later on.

[42:29] Peter goes on a – meets up at a bar on a date with an ex played by Shiri Appleby from –

[42:35] What was that?

[42:35] Yeah.

[42:35] From the restaurant chain.

Dan McCoy

[42:36] From Unreal.

Stuart Wellington

[42:38] Unreal, yeah.

[42:39] Yeah.

[42:39] And she, again, is – she's serving it.

[42:42] Like, she brings that kind of, like, intense energy to the scene much more than, say –

[42:48] It seems like they have chemistry.

Hallie Haglund

[42:50] I thought at first she was Rumi Mara.

[42:53] And I was like, wow, I can't believe she did women talking.

[42:56] And now this seems like a backslide.

[43:01] Hey, everyone's got to work.

Dan McCoy

[43:02] You got to work for a living.

[43:03] That was a short scene.

[43:05] So don't make too much fun of me that I missed it considering that Hallie also fell asleep for part of the movie.

[43:10] But I don't – I – sorry.

[43:12] I don't know why I dragged you into this.

[43:14] But I can't believe I missed Shiri Appleby.

[43:16] I really liked Unreal.

Elliott Kalan

[43:17] Well, the movie's on Netflix.

[43:18] Just go back and watch it.

[43:20] I mean, it costs you nothing.

[43:20] No, I don't care.

[43:20] You're already paying for the service.

[43:22] It costs you nothing.

[43:22] I mean, it's not a great scene.

[43:24] Okay, so Ashton, he decides –

Hallie Haglund

[43:26] But I'm sure Netflix would love the views.

Elliott Kalan

[43:28] Yeah.

[43:29] So Ashton goes –

[43:29] That they will tell no one about.

[43:33] Ashton tells Jack –

Dan McCoy

[43:34] Somewhere between zero and a billion views, this guy.

Elliott Kalan

[43:38] The most watched thing ever.

[43:40] Yeah.

[43:42] Netflix is like, hey, guess what?

[43:44] This is the number one watched show on all of Netflix.

[43:46] By the way, it starts playing automatically as soon as you open up the service.

Dan McCoy

[43:51] And we put it on everyone's phone like the YouTube album.

Elliott Kalan

[43:54] You have to opt out of watching this movie.

[43:56] But guess what?

[43:56] It's a huge success.

[43:57] Everyone's watching it.

[44:00] So Ashton tells Jack, hey, the reason I listen to the Cars is because it helps connect me with my terrible dad that was absent for most of my life.

[44:07] And he says, Jack, you need to join the hockey team.

[44:11] And Jack is like, finally, what I've always wanted, and hugs him.

[44:14] And guess what?

[44:15] Theo, that publisher, he read the book overnight.

[44:18] He loves it.

[44:19] Wants to talk about the author and take Reese out to dinner.

[44:21] Ooh.

[44:22] And Ashton convinces the hockey coach to let Jack try out for the team.

[44:27] And Jack tells Ashton he doesn't suck after having a really great tryout for the team.

[44:33] Ashton, he's starting to loosen up a little.

[44:34] I mean, he was supposed to be the loose anything goes guy, but he's starting to loosen up.

[44:39] He apologizes to Zen, Steve Zahn's character.

[44:41] But he's weirded out when Zen refers to himself as Reese's part-time lover.

[44:45] And again, I can't tell if this is something that is real or if he is reading this into the situation.

[44:50] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[44:51] Is this another figment of their imagination?

[44:54] Is he not even real also?

Elliott Kalan

[44:57] It would be funny if you just cut to a shot of someone walking by the house and the garden is all overgrown and there's creeper vines all over.

[45:04] It's like we've always lived in the castle.

[45:05] Yeah.

[45:06] It's all rotted away, but they think that they're imagining that this gardener is taking care of it all this time.

Stuart Wellington

[45:10] There is a scene where Zen is climbing up a window right by Ashton Kutcher's face.

[45:18] And he's wearing these like very thin harem pants when the sunlight goes right through it.

[45:23] And I'm like, I could really use like a giant wiener and balls silhouette or something in there.

[45:28] You know what I mean, guys?

[45:29] You know what I'm talking about?

[45:30] Yeah.

[45:30] I mean, it shows you the level of the-

[45:31] Sure, I often think about that.

[45:32] They stole that from the Fablemans.

Elliott Kalan

[45:34] Yeah, yeah.

[45:35] Yeah.

[45:35] It shows you that that same joke basically happens twice in The War with Grandpa.

[45:39] So this movie is operating on a similar joke level to The War with Grandpa that someone's crotch is too close to a window that someone else is standing at and they don't like seeing it.

[45:47] You know?

[45:49] Were you talking about the see-through dress in The Fablemans that one?

[45:52] Yeah.

[45:52] When they're like, son.

[45:54] The most beautiful scene.

[45:55] Son, keep filming your mother.

[45:56] Get footage of your sexy mother.

[45:58] Get footage of your-

[45:59] We can see her vagina and boobs through her dress.

[46:02] Get footage of this stuff.

[46:02] Yeah, yeah.

[46:03] She's already on that fucking TikTok trend there.

[46:04] We're going to want this later.

[46:05] Come on.

Hallie Haglund

[46:06] And then make a video of it, please.

[46:08] Please.

[46:09] It's the only thing.

[46:10] Reminding her of her sexy body is the only thing that will help her grief.

Elliott Kalan

[46:15] When your mom's mom died, so we need you to put together some footage of how fucking hot she is.

Hallie Haglund

[46:23] I mean, it would make me feel better.

Elliott Kalan

[46:25] Yeah.

[46:26] It's like, well, I know that you just lost a parent, but at the same point, you're smoking.

[46:31] But look at all she gave you.

[46:33] Look at all.

[46:34] Look at what she's left behind.

[46:36] Anyway, so the-

[46:40] She's weird.

[46:40] So anyway, because Steve Zahn is like, hey, I figure if I hang around long enough,

[46:44] she'll realize that we should be in love.

[46:46] And if not, I'll be a friend with benefits.

[46:47] And I'm like, but are you really?

[46:49] Like, is that a thing that's actually happening?

[46:51] It doesn't get brought up again.

Dan McCoy

[46:52] I mean, yeah, it never gets clarified.

[46:55] But the fact, I mean, I thought that there wasn't any relationship.

[46:59] But now that I'm thinking about it, like the fact that Reese never mentioned him to Ashton Kutcher,

[47:05] I feel like does suggest that there was some of that going on.

[47:08] There's something, and she's just kind of hiding it from him.

[47:09] What do you think, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[47:11] I think he deserves more.

[47:13] You know, like don't minimize yourself, Zen.

[47:15] Like you're an attentive guy.

[47:18] I can only assume an amazing lover.

[47:20] You dress well.

[47:21] You want somebody who wants to be with you.

[47:24] That's what he wants.

Elliott Kalan

[47:24] He wants a garden to tend, and she's not going to be that for him.

[47:27] She's refusing to be that garden, and you know that he's an attentive lover.

[47:31] You know that he prioritizes his partner's pleasure

[47:33] because he spends his whole day tending the garden of someone who needs to be with his neighbor, someone else.

Dan McCoy

[47:37] Candide tells us we should tend our own garden.

Elliott Kalan

[47:40] Which he doesn't do.

[47:41] He makes it very clear he has a landscaper who works his own garden.

[47:45] Candide is also – I mentioned Candide to my family recently

[47:48] because my kids were making some joke about eating each other's butts or something.

[47:52] And I was like, well, in Candide, there is a character who had to eat half of her own butt during a famine to survive.

[47:57] And my wife was like, what?

[47:58] What are you telling them?

[48:00] And I'm like, blame Voltaire, lady.

[48:01] I didn't write it.

[48:02] The classic of literature, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[48:04] Check out Miss Ban Books over here.

Elliott Kalan

[48:08] Suddenly the librarian doesn't want her kids to dip into the classics.

[48:12] Oh, interesting.

[48:13] So Reese goes on her book date dinner.

[48:15] They bond over classic novels and quotes.

[48:18] It's all – it's very cringy.

Hallie Haglund

[48:20] This was when I really started suspecting that this movie was written by ChatGPT

[48:24] because all of their references were like, you read Faulkner?

[48:29] Have you ever –

Elliott Kalan

[48:30] They're like, I believe Mark Twain said that.

[48:33] And it's like there's no way Mark Twain said that.

[48:35] Or maybe he did.

[48:37] But – and Ashton Kutcher, meanwhile, on the other side of the country,

[48:39] seems to telepathically sense that something is amiss with Reese.

[48:44] And he doesn't have the time to help Jack with his project on the Spanish-American War,

[48:49] which Jack is supposed to be working on this thing for days.

[48:51] But he goes – he asks – Ashton goes, who was in the Spanish-American War?

[48:55] And it's like, how little research have you done, Jack?

[48:57] Oh, no, we're in trouble.

[48:59] Maybe you shouldn't have been watching Alien because you have not been working on this project.

Stuart Wellington

[49:02] Are you allergic to homework too, you little idiot?

[49:06] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[49:08] Reese and the editor, they accidentally activate the home camera in Ashton's apartment

[49:12] while they start having sex.

[49:14] And Ashton catches a glimpse of it on his phone and is so horrified

[49:16] that he has to hurl his phone away from him and rush off to a bar and call up an ex.

[49:21] Real quick.

Stuart Wellington

[49:22] Yeah.

[49:23] So do you think that that just – that security system came with the apartment?

[49:29] Because it's a doorman building.

[49:31] Do you think that security system came with the apartment?

[49:34] Because that guy doesn't – it's not like he's worried people are going to steal his, like,

[49:38] lack of furniture, right?

[49:39] He doesn't have anything in there.

Elliott Kalan

[49:41] As we see, the doorman spends most of his time just scribbling things on a clipboard,

[49:46] much like an extra who has not been given that much to do with their character.

[49:49] He only has one or two lines.

Dan McCoy

[49:51] Also, I think you have a – you're showing a lot of faith in a doorman as a security system,

[49:59] like a single doorman.

Hallie Haglund

[50:01] Also, I have a question.

[50:02] Whenever I see someone using an iPad, that to me is a marker of, like, an old person.

[50:09] But is that not how most people feel?

[50:13] Because, like, that – because the security system was on an iPad.

[50:18] The only other person I know who uses an iPad is my father, who's 80 years old.

Dan McCoy

[50:23] Adam Chodnikoff.

[50:25] Hi, Chods.

[50:26] I know you're listening.

[50:27] Oh, hey, Chods.

[50:27] He uses an iPad also?

Hallie Haglund

[50:29] But sorry.

[50:29] Yeah, he loves a tablet.

[50:30] You – so is that not like a – would you guys – is that an accurate generalization or do you not feel that?

Elliott Kalan

[50:39] I mean, I have my – I see a lot of small children using iPads also.

Dan McCoy

[50:43] Yeah, like really small kids.

Elliott Kalan

[50:47] Wait a minute.

[50:47] That's what the Sphinx meant with her riddle.

[50:50] Exactly.

[50:50] What animal uses an iPad in the morning, uses an iPhone in the afternoon, and uses an iPad again in the evening?

[50:56] It was man.

[50:57] It was man.

[50:58] The city of themes can be freed.

[51:00] Oh, finally we did it.

[51:01] We solved that riddle.

Dan McCoy

[51:02] Is that what the riddle did?

[51:03] I just recently realized that I'm familiar with the riddle.

[51:06] I have no idea what the surroundings –

[51:08] Yes, that was because the Sphinx –

[51:09] Yeah.

[51:10] I mean –

[51:10] Bonuses.

Elliott Kalan

[51:11] You know Oedipus, right?

[51:12] The guy who married his mom?

[51:13] Sure.

[51:14] Like before that play –

[51:15] I call him Rex.

[51:15] He knows him.

[51:17] I call him Rex.

[51:18] We named him after the dog, Rex.

[51:23] The dog?

[51:24] The backstory of that play is literally that he went to Thebes and answered the Sphinx's riddle and saved Thebes.

[51:29] And so it's like – that's the same dude.

[51:31] So it's like – oh, not a lot.

[51:33] He doesn't – they never really brought up how – they don't bring up much in this play how he like outwitted a monster, which would be an interesting thing to do.

[51:41] But –

[51:41] Yeah.

[51:42] Anyway, so anywho –

[51:45] What a literary show.

Hallie Haglund

[51:46] Maybe you should marry Reese Witherspoon.

Elliott Kalan

[51:49] Oh, we do.

[51:50] Both like books.

[51:52] Yeah.

[51:52] Okay.

[51:53] So this is when Ashton –

Dan McCoy

[51:55] You know about Sphinx?

[51:55] You know about butts and Candide?

[51:57] All this stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[51:58] Yeah.

[51:58] Oh, man.

[51:58] Me and – we have everything in common.

[52:00] She loves that stuff too, right?

Stuart Wellington

[52:01] How do you feel about mementos or as Ashton Kutcher's character calls them, mentos?

[52:05] Yeah.

[52:05] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[52:05] So this is another thing.

[52:06] Ashton Kutcher, it's been established, hates mementos.

[52:08] He keeps saying they're his least favorite kind of mento, which we'll play in later.

[52:11] Yeah, but the thing is he likes memento, but he comes up with kind of a BS explanation

[52:16] as to who the characters are and what they're doing.

Stuart Wellington

[52:18] Yeah, they all exist in his brain.

Elliott Kalan

[52:21] It all exists in his brain, much like Tig Notaro in this movie.

[52:24] So this is when Shiri Appleby comes in and he's called her up and she's like,

[52:27] why don't we come to my place?

[52:28] And he's like, eh, I'll just go home instead.

[52:31] And he then goes home.

[52:33] Shark it.

[52:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:34] Which is the same thing he did to the bartender.

[52:36] So he shows up and he's like – bartender's like, what do you have?

[52:39] He's like, I'd love a double Johnny Black.

[52:42] But I'll actually have this.

[52:43] And he did the same thing to her because by giving her a booty call, he's like,

[52:47] I'd like to have sex with you, but I'm not going to.

Dan McCoy

[52:50] Is that how you prefer people to order their drinks?

[52:53] Like to have like a joke order before they tell you what they're actually ordering?

Stuart Wellington

[52:57] I love it more than anything.

[52:59] I love it when customers do bits with me.

[53:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[53:01] Now, all bartenders work all day on their feet,

[53:03] but Stu likes it when his patrons keep them on his toes.

[53:06] So come on in, order something, and change it at the last minute.

[53:09] He loves that.

[53:10] Ashton goes back and talks to imaginary friend Tig Notaro about how when he met Reese Witherspoon 20 years ago,

[53:15] he fell instantly in love with her and meant to tell her how he felt,

[53:20] but he was, I guess, what, intimidated or something?

[53:23] So he waited a couple days.

[53:25] And then when he saw her again, she was with a boyfriend, so he didn't say anything.

[53:28] And by the time he was ready to tell her how he really felt again, she was pregnant.

[53:31] And Tig Notaro was like, why don't you just tell her now how you feel?

[53:36] And he's like, I can't do it.

[53:37] It's too big a risk.

[53:37] I can't do it.

[53:40] Just wait for you guys to say something.

[53:42] You don't have anything.

[53:43] What?

Dan McCoy

[53:43] The next day, I thought maybe you got—

[53:45] I thought that the spring that winds you up had finally gone down.

[53:50] No, I was like, you know what?

[53:51] I've been interrupting them a lot.

Elliott Kalan

[53:53] Let me let them talk and instead silence.

Dan McCoy

[53:55] Well, I mean, there's no indication we had anything to say.

Hallie Haglund

[53:58] To be fair.

[53:59] I guess that's a confirmation that you need to talk as much as you do.

[54:04] Yeah.

[54:04] That's what you just taught me.

Dan McCoy

[54:06] I'm so unused to it.

[54:06] You're going to reap the world with on this one.

[54:08] It was confusing.

Elliott Kalan

[54:10] My brain didn't know how to parse you not saying words.

[54:13] No, I've learned my lesson.

[54:14] I should just keep talking until you force me to stop.

[54:16] Next day, Reese Witherspoon wakes up late for her final, yet somehow still finishes it before some of her classmates.

Stuart Wellington

[54:21] Can I point out, so she wakes up late for her final.

[54:25] She wakes up in bed with Theo, and he's like, you're late for what?

[54:28] And she makes up a story.

[54:29] But the thing is, when she first met him, he was with that professor, and he was like, I remember you from my class.

[54:35] She doesn't have to lie.

[54:36] That's true.

[54:37] Why is she lying?

Dan McCoy

[54:38] Also, at this point, we've skipped a thing that I wanted to point out just in terms of how bad this is.

[54:44] Oh, so you did have something to say before.

[54:46] How bad this movie is about being either a New York or an L.A. movie.

[54:50] There's a point at which they're out there talking, and they talk about some poem about the Brooklyn Bridge or whatever.

[54:58] They're walking in Dumbo, Brooklyn Bridge Park.

[55:01] It's very recognizable if you live in New York where they're at.

[55:06] She's talking about Brooklyn Bridge, and he's like, yeah, but that's one thing.

[55:09] That's the Manhattan Bridge.

[55:10] I'm like, guys, the Brooklyn Bridge is also visible from where you are.

[55:15] The Brooklyn Bridge is right near you.

Elliott Kalan

[55:16] Like, what is going on?

[55:18] Well, that's him gaslighting her and playing the game.

[55:21] You know, he's got to nag her a little bit, I guess.

[55:23] So he's been doing nothing but compliments.

[55:25] Time to take her down a peg.

[55:26] I don't like it.

[55:27] I don't approve of it.

Hallie Haglund

[55:28] Wait, but back to Stuart's observation about the classes that she was taking.

[55:32] So she was not in this English professor's class.

[55:37] So when the professor says, you were in my class, he's just remembering it wrong.

[55:40] That's why I learned his testimonial.

[55:41] He's remembering seeing her.

[55:43] But wouldn't it be way fucking lamer if you were, like, a legit editor of books and you were taking, like, English professor, like, 101 class?

[55:53] Like, that would be very, if you were—

Elliott Kalan

[55:55] It would be confusing.

[55:57] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[55:57] I think it would be cooler to be taking an accounting class if you're an editor.

Elliott Kalan

[56:01] I agree.

[56:02] I have two—well, because you're learning the business side of your business, which is only going to help you.

[56:06] I mean, that's a good thing to do.

[56:07] I have two possible explanations.

[56:09] One is that she could say, I only edit thin books.

[56:15] I was taking—I was in your thick books class.

[56:17] I'm learning about thick books.

[56:18] I only worked with thin books.

[56:20] I majored in thin books.

[56:22] I majored in thin books.

[56:23] The journalist and the murderer.

[56:24] Jesus' son.

[56:25] Quick books.

Dan McCoy

[56:26] And she's like, that sounds like an accounting thing.

Elliott Kalan

[56:28] Like, no, no, no.

[56:28] I hate accounting.

[56:29] No, accounting is quick books.

[56:31] Yeah.

[56:31] And also, he's so into her, I think he's kind of not really—doesn't really care.

[56:36] He doesn't really care about how if her story checks out.

Stuart Wellington

[56:38] Yeah, she's worried he might have post-nut clarity.

Elliott Kalan

[56:42] Wow.

[56:45] Ask your doctor if you're suffering from post-nut clarity.

Dan McCoy

[56:50] I've never heard that phrase.

Stuart Wellington

[56:51] Oh, well, cool.

[56:53] You're not in the same chat rooms as Dan.

[56:55] I didn't say it.

[56:56] Wait, Dan's not the one who said it.

[56:58] What are you gaslighting?

Elliott Kalan

[56:59] What's going on?

[57:01] Now I want to see that as a concept in porn videos where instead of ending when the sex is over, the sex finishes and then the guy goes, oh, hold on a second.

[57:10] I have some bills I have to pay.

Dan McCoy

[57:14] It came to me to answer to the equation I've been working on these many years.

Elliott Kalan

[57:20] That's—finally, I can solve that last theorem.

[57:25] But she decides she wants to thank Ashton for what he's done for her and letting her stay there.

[57:31] So she goes out and buy like a bunch of houseplants and rugs and pillows.

[57:34] And her aesthetic is just as—

[57:36] From like a—

[57:37] From a street vendor.

[57:38] Like her aesthetic is just as impersonal as his is.

[57:40] Like his looks like one kind of Airbnb.

[57:42] Hers looks like a different kind of Airbnb.

[57:44] And the editor asks her out again.

[57:46] But she finds another package hidden in Ashton's house.

[57:49] It's an envelope full of mementos of her.

[57:52] But he hates mementos.

[57:53] Not mementos.

[57:54] It's an envelope full of mentos, the fresh maker.

[57:56] And she used it to sneak into backstage at a concert and to have her car moved by a bunch of big guys.

[58:01] Oh, man.

Stuart Wellington

[58:02] That fucking flipped my wig when I saw that shit the first time.

[58:06] Like you could just have dudes pick your car and move it?

[58:08] Okay, man.

Elliott Kalan

[58:10] Did I—

[58:10] I gotta get this candy.

[58:12] Have I said on the podcast the mentos commercial that I have been—that I always wanted to do that I came up with when I was a teenager?

[58:18] Where this is a—

[58:20] If I've talked about it before on the podcast, I apologize.

[58:22] Pretend this is like the late Gilbert Gottfried on his podcast talking about old ladies in Hollywood with their sex chimps.

[58:28] A story he told many times.

[58:29] But this—

[58:31] Where you see a guy who's at a parade and he can't see over the crowd in front of him.

[58:35] He's like, oh, he's so frustrated.

[58:36] He can't see over them.

[58:37] And then he eats a mentos and comes up with an idea.

[58:40] And then he runs up the stairs to a tower and then picks up a sniper rifle.

[58:44] And you see through the sights and this is a Bruder film.

[58:46] And he shoots President Kennedy.

[58:48] And then the police burst through the door.

[58:49] And he turns around and shows them the mentos.

Stuart Wellington

[58:51] And they're all like, oh, he did it.

[58:53] That's a really good idea, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[58:56] If I worked at SNL 30 years ago, that would be my parody commercial that I would do.

Stuart Wellington

[59:00] Nowadays, that's like rife for like adult swimmers.

[59:03] It's fine.

Elliott Kalan

[59:03] They still do 30-year-old references.

[59:05] Oh, I should get that job.

[59:07] That's where I should be working.

[59:08] Okay, anyway, he has all these mementos.

[59:10] It's all stuff from their relationship over the years, including a poker chip from the night they met.

[59:16] And she has a poker chip from the night they met.

[59:18] They both kept one.

[59:19] What would that mean?

[59:20] And Minka is like –

[59:22] What are the odds?

Dan McCoy

[59:24] Yeah, yeah, because of gambling.

Elliott Kalan

[59:26] Let that one sit for a minute.

[59:27] Let that one sit for a minute.

[59:28] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[59:28] The prestige.

Elliott Kalan

[59:32] And Minka says to Reese, she's like, obviously you love Ashton and you always have.

[59:37] You have to – and she literally says, you have to take a chance.

[59:39] And Reese goes, I don't take chances.

[59:41] Which is she has already gone cross-country to take an accounting course so that she can make a big change in her career.

[59:48] Like she is taking a chance.

[59:49] Like we've seen her take chances.

Stuart Wellington

[59:50] Is this a scene where she's like, I don't want to roll the dice.

[59:53] And Minka's like, enough with the poker references.

[59:56] Yeah, that was funny.

Elliott Kalan

[59:56] And I wanted them to go a little bit farther and have her make a joke about how there's no dice in poker.

[1:00:02] But they didn't.

[1:00:04] Wait, and there's no crying in baseball.

[1:00:06] I've been doing it all wrong all these years.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:12] Cry baby Kalen, they call them.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:15] You're right.

[1:00:16] Slugger of the classic age.

[1:00:19] He couldn't see the ball because of the tears in his eyes.

[1:00:23] In a cab, Reese just flips through photos of her and Ashton and just remembers the night they met and how hot it was.

[1:00:29] Not as hot as your mom dancing in car lights in the woods in a see-through dress.

[1:00:33] My mom?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:34] How dare you?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:35] Get your name – get her name out of your mouth.

[1:00:37] My mom, hello.

[1:00:37] I'm sorry, I meant Mrs. Fableman.

[1:00:38] Mrs. Fableman.

[1:00:39] Ba-ba-ba-boom.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:43] The dad is just like, son, son, record this.

[1:00:45] We need to do emotional damage to you.

[1:00:47] Has somebody made like a fan cam out of that with some kind of like, you know, like sexy song yet?

[1:00:54] Probably.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:57] Is that the sleepwalk?

[1:01:00] Hallie, I thought you were doing –

[1:01:02] I like to move it, move it, which would be a funny song for that scene.

Hallie Haglund

[1:01:13] We're all ready for this.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:15] Now, what is this?

[1:01:17] This is Hallie's song, pep, pep, pep, pep.

[1:01:21] It was top of the –

Hallie Haglund

[1:01:22] Is that not –

[1:01:22] I think this was like the year I studied abroad that that was like became burned in my head as like the party song.

[1:01:29] So this is an actual song.

[1:01:31] Do you guys not get that reference?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:32] Pep, pep, pep, pep.

Hallie Haglund

[1:01:33] Because I sing it to my child every Friday.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:37] I'm not familiar.

[1:01:38] Unless –

[1:01:39] Are there any appearances by a bengabus in that song?

Hallie Haglund

[1:01:44] No, but it's similar.

[1:01:45] Okay, so the bengabus is not coming in that song.

[1:01:47] No.

[1:01:47] But it's got the bengabus rhythm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:51] Okay.

[1:01:52] Then I'm not familiar with it.

[1:01:53] Okay.

[1:01:53] And the editor at this dinner, he's like,

[1:01:55] Reese Witherspoon, I've got to tell you, I put you up for a job at a publisher,

[1:01:59] and I think you got an interview there.

[1:02:02] And I would hire you at my publisher, but if we're going to have a relationship,

[1:02:05] we shouldn't be working together, which is very ethical on this part.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:07] And he pitches it pretty well.

[1:02:09] Yes.

[1:02:09] Like he's like, even if we don't have – if there's any idea that we might explore this.

[1:02:15] Yes.

[1:02:15] He actually pitches it, and he's looking at her with those big eyes the whole time,

[1:02:19] and I'm like, damn, girl.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:20] Beautiful eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:22] He's a great, great catch for her.

[1:02:24] And this is intercut, however, with Jack playing in his first hockey game and getting injured.

[1:02:29] Oh, no.

[1:02:30] So Reese is like, I'm sorry.

[1:02:32] I think I'm in love with somebody else.

[1:02:34] Love, it's so crazy, right?

[1:02:35] And then she gets that phone, that phone call where Ashton Kutcher is like, Jackson, the hospital.

[1:02:39] He got hurt playing hockey.

[1:02:40] And she's like, what?

[1:02:41] And she gets so mad.

[1:02:42] She demands to talk to her son, which I understand.

[1:02:44] You'd want to talk to your son in that moment.

[1:02:45] And he's like, mom, I had such a great week.

[1:02:47] I saw Alien.

[1:02:48] I got to play hockey.

[1:02:49] It was wonderful.

[1:02:49] But she's just so mad that he might be injured.

[1:02:52] And she yells at Ashton, and she hurries home right away.

[1:02:55] And where does she go?

[1:02:56] And she tells him not to be there when she's there.

[1:02:58] And she goes, don't be there when I get there.

[1:03:00] Leave Jack alone.

Hallie Haglund

[1:03:01] Like, I want my child to leave him alone.

[1:03:03] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:04] Nobody needs to leave.

[1:03:06] Our shared delusion, Tig Notaro, can watch him, I guess, while you're away.

[1:03:11] And so they meet up.

[1:03:13] They bump into each other at the airport standing in for LAX, which it is clearly not if you've ever been to LAX.

[1:03:19] Unless they've got a new terminal.

[1:03:22] And they bump into each other.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:23] I keep seeing a mural for the Will Rogers State Park.

[1:03:26] Which is a great state park.

[1:03:28] It's a beautiful beach.

[1:03:29] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:29] Yeah.

[1:03:30] But that mural doesn't exist in LAX.

[1:03:32] Not as far as I know.

[1:03:33] I mean, LAX, just everything about it looks different than there.

[1:03:38] That looks like DIA.

Hallie Haglund

[1:03:39] Honestly, that looked like the Denver Airport.

[1:03:41] It could be.

[1:03:42] I thought maybe it was filmed there.

[1:03:44] But doesn't the Denver Airport—

[1:03:45] I mean, why would they go—

[1:03:46] I'm sorry.

[1:03:46] I mean, it's all glass windows, and then it has those escalators.

[1:03:51] Or the—

[1:03:52] People movers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:52] Yeah.

[1:03:53] Yeah.

[1:03:53] If it was LAX, they'd be having this conversation outside of, what, the Ford fuel station or whatever?

[1:03:59] Yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:00] Or the lemonade place or whatever it's called.

Hallie Haglund

[1:04:04] I mean, the only things that are—what are they called?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:09] We don't know yet.

[1:04:09] People movers.

[1:04:11] For the listeners, Hallie is taking two hands and just kind of moving them past each other.

Hallie Haglund

[1:04:15] They're not escalators because they're flat.

[1:04:17] Like moving sidewalks or people movers.

[1:04:19] But they're not next to each other.

[1:04:20] Like the two that are going different directions are on opposite sides of a wall.

[1:04:26] And there are no windows.

[1:04:29] Unlike DIA, where they look exactly like that.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:33] We're bragging about how good your airport is.

[1:04:35] Sorry.

Hallie Haglund

[1:04:36] Not sorry.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:38] Hallie, when we were watching Battlefield Earth, I was like, oh, we need Hallie here to tell us how accurate this is to Colorado.

[1:04:44] This movie takes place in Denver.

[1:04:45] It takes place in the year 3000.

Hallie Haglund

[1:04:47] I didn't know that.

[1:04:48] Yeah.

[1:04:49] Oh, I got to see it.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:51] I've been—

[1:04:52] I've been to the year 3000.

Hallie Haglund

[1:04:54] I guess I'll just—I'll buy a ticket to your chat.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:58] Go to flophousepodcast.com slash stream.

[1:05:01] You can see the show.

[1:05:02] It's a fun show.

[1:05:04] They bump into each other.

[1:05:06] They get mad at each other.

[1:05:07] She's mad at Ashton.

[1:05:08] Ashton's mad at her.

[1:05:09] And they yell at each other and separate until Reese trips and drops her poker chip memento.

[1:05:14] And that is what turns her around.

[1:05:17] And she goes, Ashton, wait.

[1:05:19] She doesn't say Ashton.

[1:05:19] That's not his character in the movie.

[1:05:20] That'd be wild if she did that right.

[1:05:22] And Ashton goes, I'm so mad at you because I love you so much.

[1:05:26] And she's like, oh, so you love me?

[1:05:28] And he goes, no, I don't love you.

[1:05:29] I'm overwhelmingly in love with you.

[1:05:30] It's ridiculous.

Hallie Haglund

[1:05:31] No, he didn't say overwhelming.

[1:05:32] He says, I'm madly in love with you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:34] But he has a couple other words in there too, right?

[1:05:37] Yeah.

[1:05:37] And deeply.

[1:05:39] Yeah.

[1:05:40] He says, I have love, Valora, compassion for you.

[1:05:43] And they start making out right there in the middle of whatever.

[1:05:47] I want to do love crimes.

Hallie Haglund

[1:05:49] I have a sea of love for you.

[1:05:50] No, that's the best part was when he said, when she goes, does this mean we're not going

[1:05:55] to be friends?

[1:05:56] No, Debbie.

[1:05:57] We're not going to be friends.

[1:05:58] He sold the shit out of it.

[1:06:00] And then he smushes his lips right on her lips.

[1:06:02] And she's like, no, I did not.

[1:06:04] Never mind.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:06] Wow.

[1:06:07] The thing is that like this, I don't know, it just, it didn't work for me.

[1:06:12] I'm sorry, gang.

[1:06:13] No, of course not.

[1:06:15] Not at all.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:16] It didn't work at all.

[1:06:17] There's no feeling that they should be together at all.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:21] Yeah.

[1:06:21] And like, I feel like the actors are like, I guess I got to play it this way.

[1:06:27] Like, I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:28] It feels like.

[1:06:28] I mean, there's a kind of passion in the characters that's missing.

[1:06:32] And like, you've seen movies where characters are mad at each other and then suddenly they're

[1:06:35] mad.

[1:06:36] It's because they have this passion that's welled up and they start making love to each

[1:06:40] other.

[1:06:40] Like that happens in movies and you buy it.

[1:06:42] But in this one, it feels so like, it just feels very artificial.

[1:06:45] You know, it feels very forced.

[1:06:48] But anyway, maybe I'm wrong because 15 minutes later, as the text tells us, they're walking

[1:06:52] out of the airport holding hands.

[1:06:53] And then the text comes up again six months later.

[1:06:56] And we're told in text that Ashton's book has been published.

[1:07:00] In six fucking months.

[1:07:01] Come on.

[1:07:02] Six months later.

[1:07:03] Because it's just that good, Dan.

[1:07:04] It's just that good.

[1:07:05] I mean.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:05] That is not.

[1:07:06] Publishing runs very, very slow.

[1:07:09] It takes a long time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:10] But they stopped the presses in Malaysia on whatever Stephen King's new book is that

[1:07:14] they could print out Peter Coleman's book.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:17] Yeah.

[1:07:17] James Patterson is pissed.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:20] I had 10 books coming out this year.

[1:07:22] Now I only have nine books coming out this year.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:25] One of the things is the, so the text is telling us, updating us on what has happened in the

[1:07:32] intervening time.

[1:07:33] He's moved in.

[1:07:34] Reese is an independent editor now.

[1:07:35] Jack's on the hockey team.

[1:07:36] And they specify, they'll say specific things and then it'll specify in ellipses which

[1:07:42] character it applies to.

[1:07:43] And I'm like, yeah, no shit.

[1:07:45] I didn't think Reese Witherspoon was doing a lot of hockey.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:49] Yes.

[1:07:49] They were worried we're not watching the movie a lot.

[1:07:51] And then.

[1:07:53] That was one of the jokes in the movie.

[1:07:55] That was one of the 10 jokes.

[1:07:57] Oh, okay.

[1:07:58] I just wasn't used to them by that point.

[1:08:00] What's weird about it is six months later and it's showing us this over text over a shot

[1:08:04] through their window of them just being in their house.

[1:08:07] There's no scene here.

[1:08:08] They don't say anything.

[1:08:09] And then the camera pulls away and the text is like, and they lived happily ever after.

[1:08:12] Just kidding.

[1:08:13] Marriage is hard.

[1:08:14] But they had a happy life.

[1:08:15] It was like movie.

[1:08:16] It was like the end of Thor Ragnarok where I was like, movie, you're over.

[1:08:19] End.

[1:08:20] There's no, we don't need more movie at this point.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:22] Honestly, I kind of liked the, I'm saying they live happy ever after.

[1:08:25] No, marriage is hard.

[1:08:26] Cause like that is a problem with rom-com.

[1:08:28] It's just like, it ends and like, it's like, and now at the moment of purest happiness,

[1:08:33] we're going to pretend that like this will last forever.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:37] I'm glad that the movie maintained a steady level of realism.

Hallie Haglund

[1:08:42] You want to see like, they had fought so hard for it, for the whole movie.

[1:08:47] Why blow it now?

Dan McCoy

[1:08:50] For the pearl and the sea of gritty oysters that this movie has served me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:56] You want it to be like the Buster Keaton movie.

[1:08:58] I think it's I Do, but I can't remember which one.

[1:09:00] Where he gets the girl at the end, he finally wins her.

[1:09:02] And then it fades to black and it fades up to them as old people who hate each other.

[1:09:07] And then it goes to the end.

[1:09:08] That's a good gag.

[1:09:09] Yeah.

[1:09:10] The same way that, I think it's in Cops where he's trying to get the girl and he fails to get her at the end.

[1:09:15] And then it cuts to a tombstone with his hat on it that says the end.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:19] It's like, why are you leaving us on a down note?

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:22] Wow, the show cops.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:24] Yeah.

[1:09:25] Tuk-a-tuk-a-tuk.

[1:09:25] He was arrested on the show cops.

Hallie Haglund

[1:09:28] Bad boy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:31] Call him the great stone face, guys.

[1:09:35] So that was Your Place or Mine.

[1:09:38] It's a romantic comedy with, as we're saying, a little bit of rom, not so much com.

[1:09:43] But let's give our final judgments on it, shall we?

Dan McCoy

[1:09:47] Yes.

[1:09:48] This is a good bad movie, a bad, bad movie, a movie we kind of like.

[1:09:52] I'm going to say it's a bad, bad movie.

[1:09:53] However, it does serve its purpose as a Netflix release, which is...

[1:09:59] Provides a thumbnail to fill that screen.

[1:10:01] Something mildly pleasant to have on while you're doing chores around the house.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:07] Yeah.

[1:10:07] Even if there's nobody talking, there's probably a car song playing.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:10] Yeah.

[1:10:11] You'll follow the plot because there'll be no surprises.

[1:10:14] It'll be okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:15] It was very funny watching it.

[1:10:16] I watched the first half of the movie with Danielle, and the second half I watched on my own.

[1:10:20] And the first half, Danielle's like, oh, and now she's going to give the manuscript to the editor,

[1:10:24] and he's going to be mad about it because she did it without asking him.

[1:10:27] But she did it anyway, and that's good.

[1:10:29] And I was like, oh, have you seen this movie already?

[1:10:32] And she was able to just connect those dots so easily.

[1:10:35] I would also say it's a bad, bad movie, but it's not a painful movie.

[1:10:39] But yeah, it's kind of like a...

[1:10:40] It's like an HGTV movie.

[1:10:45] Like you throw on an HGTV show, and you're like, this is not a show that's doing much for me,

[1:10:50] but it is filling the time between now and death in a way that is not disgusting or unpleasant or, you know.

[1:10:59] Yeah, I'm stuck in this hotel room.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:01] I guess this episode of Pawn Stars will get me through the bed.

[1:11:04] Exactly.

[1:11:05] Yeah, I guess I'm with you both.

[1:11:06] I will say that I like, like a lot of romantic comedies, I liked a lot of the supporting characters,

[1:11:15] and they brought a little bit of life to an otherwise fairly dreary, exposition-heavy movie.

[1:11:23] So yeah, bad, bad.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:23] You wonder, how would this movie be different if it was like Zoe Chow and Jesse Williams as the leads?

[1:11:29] Not doing the exact same characters as Reese Witherspoon and Asha Kutcher,

[1:11:32] but like putting the characters who have like more of a spark about them.

[1:11:35] But maybe it's because when you're in one of those supporting roles, you have more to prove.

[1:11:39] Like this could be a big break for your career as opposed to just the next movie you're pumping out.

[1:11:44] And I wonder if that's why those roles often are like the – are the breakout roles

[1:11:47] because the person who has them has more of an incentive to like make something of it.

[1:11:51] Hallie, what was your judgment?

Hallie Haglund

[1:11:52] Okay, guys, I'm coming down hard.

[1:11:54] Okay.

[1:11:55] I have a lot – I've held –

[1:11:58] Held it in.

[1:11:59] Held it back a little bit, but I want to say what I think.

[1:12:02] I think this is a bad, bad movie, and I was offended by it.

[1:12:07] And the reasons why are –

[1:12:09] Tell us. Tell us.

[1:12:10] Because it was so – like if you're going to be bad, be bad in a certain way.

[1:12:16] Like be bad with character.

[1:12:18] Like what was that movie that we watched with –

Dan McCoy

[1:12:20] Oh, Me, You, Madness?

Hallie Haglund

[1:12:21] Yes, exactly.

[1:12:23] Be bad that way.

[1:12:24] But if it's a movie, especially if it's a movie, not a TV show, like it made me so angry that this movie was so generic.

[1:12:32] Despite having these big stars, like really the fact –

[1:12:36] And it made me even more angry because before I saw this movie, I heard an interview with Eileen Brash McKenna,

[1:12:43] who was talking about how like one of her – like one of the skills that she learned when she was making this network show for –

[1:12:52] when she was doing Crazy Ex-Girlfriend was like –

[1:12:55] she was – became very flexible about like making things cheaper.

[1:13:00] And then when I was watching this movie, I was like, why did you make this so cheap?

[1:13:04] Like if it's going to be a movie, just like pay for it to be a fucking movie and don't have –

[1:13:09] like we've obviously talked a lot about how this – like both cities were like completely drained of character.

[1:13:15] But like the charm of like shitty B movies is that it actually gives you like a sense of character of the place that it's set in because it's so budget, you know?

[1:13:27] But this was just like a sad – like it made me really sad about like what our goals are in making movies in the future.

[1:13:36] And I also will say, okay, I thought like Ashton Kutcher was way better than Reese Witherspoon in this movie.

[1:13:45] Did you guys not think that?

[1:13:47] Because I believed Ashton Kutcher and like maybe Reese Witherspoon was given the heavier lift of like the like totally nonsensical plot twists.

[1:13:57] But like – because like that whole thing about like I found this thing in his oven.

[1:14:03] I can't talk about it with him.

[1:14:04] But I can't read it.

[1:14:06] Like I feel like that was the level – the way that was used as this huge plot device felt so inauthentic.

[1:14:19] Yeah.

[1:14:20] Yeah.

[1:14:20] That it made her seem bad.

[1:14:22] And I was like, wait, but I've seen her in so many things where I really liked her.

[1:14:26] So why am I believing Ashton Kutcher so much more than I'm believing Reese Witherspoon?

[1:14:32] Is Ashton Kutcher better?

[1:14:34] And I don't think that that's necessarily true because she has been good in so many things.

[1:14:40] But this did not highlight –

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:43] I think my theory on that is that Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher are both giving kind of the similar levels of energy.

[1:14:49] But Ashton Kutcher, like you're saying, is being asked to do less.

[1:14:52] He has a character who can coast on charm and her character cannot coast on charm.

[1:14:56] Like it's not that kind of character.

[1:14:57] You can just drive his fancy rental car.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:59] I will also say two other things, which is like you expect more out of her.

[1:15:03] Whereas like –

[1:15:04] Look, I mean I have fond enough feelings towards Ashton Kutcher, but I'm not like this is like –

[1:15:09] I'm not generally like, oh, this is like an actor's actor.

Hallie Haglund

[1:15:11] No, but all I was looking for just was like authenticity.

[1:15:14] Yeah.

[1:15:15] It wasn't like I was expecting some great performance.

[1:15:17] But I was like, this Reese Witherspoon looks silly in this movie and she looks like she's acting.

[1:15:23] Versus Ashton Kutcher who I was like, yeah, I believe that there's this fucking stupid kind of dude.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:29] Well, the other thing I wanted to say is I do think that like she's given a harder lift because Ashton Kutcher's given a very simple, likable thing to play,

[1:15:37] which is like he's going to come into this life and he's going to provide something for this child that the kid has been missing.

[1:15:44] Like this looseness of the kid has been missing and that is like relatable and understandable in a way that like, you know,

[1:15:52] she's off having misadventures that don't really add up to much.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:56] Well, I don't – but also this is something – I guess this is a larger problem with movies is that anytime there's a character who is anxious and protective

[1:16:04] and a character who is like, hey, roll with the punches.

[1:16:08] Let's just live.

[1:16:09] That second character is always going to be proved right.

[1:16:11] I think the only movie I can think of where someone takes the responsible choice is like A Thousand Clowns maybe.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:18] Kramer versus Kramer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:20] Oh, yeah.

[1:16:20] I guess – well, I don't know exactly if that's – I mean he's a responsible character but I don't know if Meryl Streep is just going to like a,

[1:16:25] hey, loosen up, live and let live character in that.

[1:16:28] I mean she kind of has a breakdown and runs away.

[1:16:30] But it's – right off the bat –

Dan McCoy

[1:16:33] But she doesn't take the kid back.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:35] No, that's true.

[1:16:35] But very few – okay.

[1:16:37] But the majority of movies are all about how you got to loosen up.

[1:16:41] And so she right off the bat also is playing a character who you know is going to be proven wrong.

[1:16:46] His character is maybe going to learn a little bit more responsibility but he doesn't really.

[1:16:50] He's proven right because every chance he takes with Jack turns out fine.

[1:16:54] Even when he gets injured, it's fine.

[1:16:56] He's not really hurt badly.

[1:16:57] And so to have a character like Reese Witherspoon where you know from moment one, the movie is telling you her arc is to learn how to take chances and not be safe.

[1:17:05] And that Ashton Kutcher's arc is to be less self-involved I guess but he's not particularly self-involved.

[1:17:10] Like we never see him being – he keeps saying I'm a real piece of shit.

[1:17:14] But he's not.

[1:17:15] He doesn't do anything particularly.

[1:17:16] He's not cheating on his girlfriend in the beginning.

[1:17:17] He's just not ambitious.

[1:17:19] He's not making sloppy steaks or anything.

[1:17:20] But so it's – so she has a – they've given her a hard challenge.

[1:17:25] But I think Hallie, you're right.

[1:17:26] You're so right about the genericness of it.

[1:17:28] And I feel like the most damning thing I can say about the movie is that like the word content to mean our entertainment or artistic creative stuff, this movie is content.

[1:17:37] Like it's not – there's no – it doesn't feel like there's any sense of like artistic inspiration or anything.

[1:17:43] It's just kind of like, hey, let's – and I apologize to the creators of the film if they were like, we worked hard on that.

[1:17:48] It's a special story to us.

[1:17:50] But it comes off as –

[1:17:50] And we were hoping to hire Elliot.

Hallie Haglund

[1:17:52] Please still do.

[1:17:53] We were – we had the phone in our hand and then we thought, wait, this podcast just popped up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:59] Yeah, before I call Elliot, let me listen to the most recent episode of his podcast.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:04] I dialed every number except for the last number and then they changed the number which goes to Tony Gilroy instead of you.

[1:18:10] No.

[1:18:11] Tony Gilroy is like –

[1:18:11] Did you know that you have the exact same number except for that last one?

[1:18:14] I know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:14] And meanwhile, Tony Gilroy's podcast, he's like, I loved this movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:17] I loved it.

[1:18:18] It was great.

Hallie Haglund

[1:18:19] But the interview that I heard, like it made me really sad because I – in retrospect, it didn't make me sad when I was listening to it.

[1:18:25] But it was like she was talking about how this was the first thing she had ever directed.

[1:18:31] Yeah.

[1:18:32] And how, you know, now she has the experience of being a writer-director.

[1:18:38] Yeah.

[1:18:38] And it was like, girl.

[1:18:42] Girl.

[1:18:42] Sometimes you got to –

[1:18:43] I was rooting for you.

[1:18:44] We were all rooting for you.

[1:18:45] We were.

[1:18:46] You guys don't get that meme because it's America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks meme.

[1:18:52] But for all the ladies out there, you got it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:54] Or men who watch America's Next Top Model or non-binary people who watch America's Next Top Model.

[1:18:58] True, true, true, true, true.

Hallie Haglund

[1:19:00] Anyone who gets that meme, you got that meme.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:02] As a director, you got to kiss a lot of frogs is what we're saying.

[1:19:06] But I wonder if it was like I'm a first-time director.

[1:19:08] I'm going to take it easy.

[1:19:09] I wonder if she was the Reese Witherspoon as director.

[1:19:11] She was taking it safe instead of making big swings because I feel like first-time –

Hallie Haglund

[1:19:15] But she's not – I mean I think that – I blame actually Netflix because I think Netflix makes everything bad.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:20] Yeah, Netflix is – I mean there was a time, you know, towards the beginning of getting into streaming where they had to like make a name for themselves.

[1:19:27] So they're like, okay, let's –

[1:19:29] And Roma.

[1:19:29] They made Roma.

[1:19:30] They made Roma, man.

[1:19:31] And, you know, they still do great – I mean like they still do or are quite –

[1:19:36] They still require great stuff from time to time.

[1:19:37] But I do think that like as now that they're big, they're just like, okay, we just got to keep shoveling coal on this thing.

[1:19:45] And we can't pay attention to whether it's good coal or bad coal.

[1:19:50] You know.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:52] What's bad coal?

[1:19:55] All coal is pretty bad.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:57] Yeah, coal is a – I mean the good coal I guess –

[1:19:59] Except for Cole Hauser.

Hallie Haglund

[1:20:01] Have you seen The Affair?

[1:20:02] That's a bad coal.

[1:20:05] For all the Affair watchers out there.

[1:20:07] You get that.

[1:20:08] But he's not really that bad.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:09] You know what she's talking about.

[1:20:11] I remember there were definitely scenes set around Grand Army Plaza maybe and I was like, oh, I've been there.

Hallie Haglund

[1:20:18] No, there were a bunch of scenes set in Greenpoint.

[1:20:20] There was one set at the Pencil Factory.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:22] What the fuck?

[1:20:23] Yeah.

[1:20:23] The Affair, everybody.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:26] More narrow casting.

[1:20:27] More Brooklyn narrow casting, yeah.

[1:20:33] Hey there, beautiful people.

[1:20:34] I am your favorite author, Ress Travell Anderson of We See Each Other, a black trans journey through TV and feel.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:40] You know this is supposed to be a promo for our show Fantae and not your book, right?

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:45] It's called Multitasking.

[1:20:46] I can't with you right now.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:47] Travell and I have an award-winning show called Fantae that we both host.

[1:20:52] And it's a podcast where we dig into the complex and complicado conversations about the gray areas in our lives.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:58] Perhaps there is a public figure of some sort and you're like, oh, that person is so smart and so charming, but you're also like, oh, that person gets on my nerves.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:06] Okay, okay.

[1:21:07] You can catch us every week right here on MaxFun or wherever you get your Sleigh Worthy audio.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:11] And you can watch us on the YouTube every Friday.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:15] That's Fantae, F-A-N-T-E-I.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:21] Since we reached our highest milestone during the MaxFun drive, we are creating a MaxFun Foley library full of sound effects from your favorite hosts.

[1:21:30] The whole MaxFun community will be able to use it.

[1:21:33] So, what would you like it to feature?

[1:21:36] People high-fiving?

[1:21:37] Walking through mud?

[1:21:38] Chicken clucking?

[1:21:40] Jazz kazoo?

[1:21:41] Head to MaximumFun.org slash Foley.

[1:21:44] That's MaximumFun.org slash F-O-L-E-Y and submit your ideas.

[1:21:51] We're excited to make this silly thing together and even more excited to see what you all create with it.

[1:21:58] And thank you again for a great MaxFun drive.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:04] Oh, hey!

[1:22:06] You know, in addition to talking about movies and stuff, sometimes we do ads and this is one of them.

[1:22:13] You know, our show today is sponsored by Microdose Gummies.

[1:22:16] I don't know.

[1:22:18] Dan is often the pitchman for this because Dan is a user, as am I.

[1:22:21] It is a product that we both endorse.

[1:22:24] Not a user in like the...

Dan McCoy

[1:22:25] I just didn't know why you had to specify that.

[1:22:27] Like, if you also have the Microdose Gummies, why do you have to go back to...

[1:22:31] I'm trying to mix it up.

[1:22:32] We're both big fans.

[1:22:34] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:34] So, Microdose Gummies provide a perfect entry-level dose of THC that helps you feel the right amount of good.

[1:22:41] I'm a fan.

[1:22:43] It helps me wind down at the end of the day.

[1:22:44] It helps me sleep.

[1:22:46] It helps me feel more creative at times.

[1:22:49] They're great.

[1:22:50] I'm a big fan.

[1:22:52] Microdose Gummies are available nationwide.

[1:22:54] To learn more about Microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use the code FLOP to get free shipping and 30% off your first order.

[1:23:03] Links can be found in our show description.

[1:23:05] But again, that's microdose.com, code FLOP.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:10] You know, have you noticed everyone seems to have a webpage these days?

[1:23:14] I do, yeah.

[1:23:14] Have you seen this?

[1:23:16] Even me.

[1:23:17] I've got one.

[1:23:18] You know how I made it?

[1:23:19] I made it with Squarespace, the all-in-one platform for building your brand and growing your business online.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:25] I like to think Dan goes to open mic nights at stand-up clubs and does the same ad.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:31] It's conceptual.

[1:23:32] This is a joke, right?

[1:23:34] It's sort of an Andy Kaufman sort of...

[1:23:36] Stand out with a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything.

[1:23:40] Your products, content you create, even your time.

[1:23:43] Now, you're selling your time in that, like a time that you're devoting to a task.

[1:23:48] One cannot transfer time to another person, as in the movie In Time.

[1:23:53] That is science fiction.

[1:23:55] We deal here in life in science fact.

[1:23:58] I'm so glad you're clarifying this.

[1:24:00] Yeah.

[1:24:00] So, you can display posts from your social profiles on your website and push website content to your social media channels.

[1:24:07] Easy way to make sure your followers see it too.

[1:24:11] Squarespace has powerful blogging tools you can use to share stories, photos, videos, updates.

[1:24:18] And every Squarespace website and online store comes with a suite, a whole suite.

[1:24:23] Imagine a suite filled with these integrated SEO features and useful guides to help maximize prominence among search results.

[1:24:34] That's search engine optimization.

[1:24:36] That's search engine optimization.

[1:24:36] Optimization.

[1:24:38] Yeah.

[1:24:38] Not search engine optimist prime.

[1:24:41] No.

[1:24:41] That would be S-E-O-P.

[1:24:43] S-E-O-P.

[1:24:44] Head to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[1:24:49] And when you're ready to launch, use offer code FLOP to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:57] We've got a Jumbotron for today.

[1:25:00] It's a regular Tron.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:01] Jumbotron.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:02] But Jumbo.

[1:25:03] Thank you.

[1:25:03] Not a Dumbotron, which of course would be a Jumbotron just for people who live in the Dumbo neighborhood of Brooklyn.

[1:25:08] More narrow casting.

[1:25:09] This is a Jumbotron.

[1:25:10] It goes nationwide and worldwide.

[1:25:11] It's from Is This Place Trash.

[1:25:13] Is This Place Trash is a podcast where Eric and Alexander Dahl read reviews and share stories while determining if a place is trash or if the reviewers are just pretentious.

[1:25:22] It's the perfect podcast for anyone who loves business reviews and wants a good laugh.

[1:25:25] So tune in and enjoy the show and who knows, you might even learn something about the world of business.

[1:25:30] Just remember, one person's trash is another person's treasure.

[1:25:33] Or in this case, one reviewer's trash is another's entertainment.

[1:25:37] Listen and subscribe to Is This Place Trash today.

[1:25:39] Learn more at www.isthisplacetrash.com.

[1:25:43] Listen on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:48] And so we move on from this to letters from listeners like you.

[1:25:56] What?

[1:25:56] Never mind.

[1:25:57] You going to tell a story about your husband?

[1:25:59] No, never mind.

[1:26:00] Oh, okay.

[1:26:01] Let's see.

[1:26:03] Letters.

[1:26:04] They go like this.

[1:26:05] Dear Peaches,

[1:26:08] While I was catching up on your back catalog,

[1:26:10] I was thrilled to hear that the great awakening preacher, Jonathan Edwards,

[1:26:14] got a moment in the sun in episode 347, Me, You, Madness with Hallie Haglund.

[1:26:21] Edwards was the subject of my master's thesis.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:23] Wait a minute.

[1:26:24] Is that the same Hallie Haglund we have today?

[1:26:26] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[1:26:27] Wow.

[1:26:27] It's almost like we're crossing over into this episode.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:31] Yeah.

[1:26:32] It's part of why.

[1:26:32] Different Jonathan Edwards.

[1:26:33] Yeah.

[1:26:34] Me, Madness with Hallie Haglund.

[1:26:36] Edwards was the subject of my master's thesis that I recently completed.

[1:26:39] And I feel a certain.

[1:26:40] I relate that.

Hallie Haglund

[1:26:41] Same Jonathan.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:43] I feel a certain familiarity with the figure.

[1:26:46] So when Elliot proclaimed that one of the most influential figures of the 18th century

[1:26:50] was also a psychic and paid $400 for haircuts,

[1:26:53] I was filled with astonishment and dread that this new revelation of historical fact

[1:26:58] has left my own research irrelevant, outdated, and simply incorrect.

[1:27:03] Here I pause the letter to thank Stuart for closing the door so loudly that it was almost certainly

[1:27:09] picked up by the microphones, thus undermining his secret trip to the bathroom.

[1:27:17] You know what?

[1:27:17] Burn down a dance to an apartment.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:19] We all have new identities now.

[1:27:20] Forget it.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:22] Psychic or not, I've always thought that Jonathan Edwards would make a great subject for a blockbuster

[1:27:28] biopic, perhaps starring Mark Rylance or Jonathan Pryce.

[1:27:33] Ooh.

[1:27:33] My question for you is, what historical figure-

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:36] Bofo B.O., Jonathan Pryce.

[1:27:37] I'm just kidding.

[1:27:37] I love him.

[1:27:37] He's one of my favorite actors.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:39] What historical figure or event that hasn't graced the silver screen do you think would

[1:27:43] make a great movie?

[1:27:45] Bonus points if you cast the leads.

[1:27:47] I'll give you a chance to think while reading the postscript.

[1:27:53] P.S.

[1:27:54] As a Kansas native, I would be remiss not to share my thoughts on Topeka, Kansas.

[1:27:59] My main association with our great capital is the sickening-

[1:28:02] sickeningly greasy stench of the potato chip factory that I have to drive past on my way

[1:28:08] to work in Lawrence, the real gem of northeast Kansas.

[1:28:11] I also noticed during my morning commute that traffic only flows into Topeka, but never out

[1:28:16] of it, proving that no one who can help it would ever live in Topeka.

[1:28:21] Or maybe there's a more sinister, once you enter, you can never leave thing going on there.

[1:28:26] Keep on flopping in the free world.

[1:28:28] Alec, last name with L. Now, I would suggest that if it's during your morning commute, it's

[1:28:32] probably just that people from the suburbs are going into Topeka.

[1:28:37] And it's not that people in Topeka don't tend to leave en masse to go to their jobs outside

[1:28:43] of the city.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:46] I'm so glad to hear more thoughts on Topeka, Kansas, because we've kind of dropped the

[1:28:50] ball a lot.

[1:28:51] And I want to apologize to the listeners.

[1:28:53] In a long time, as you know, this was a movie podcast.

[1:28:55] Then it became a movie podcast where people could also share their thoughts about Topeka,

[1:28:59] Kansas.

[1:28:59] And we've really dropped the ball and got our eye off that ball.

[1:29:02] No wonder we dropped it.

[1:29:03] Our eye wasn't on it.

[1:29:04] And I'm glad to bring it back.

[1:29:06] Of course, Lawrence, Kansas, we all know, is amazing.

[1:29:09] I've only ever heard good things about Lawrence, Kansas.

[1:29:11] But Topeka, still controversial.

[1:29:13] So if you have thoughts about Topeka, please write into the Flophouse and share it with us.

[1:29:18] I'd love to do a whole Topeka episode someday.

[1:29:21] A mini, probably.

[1:29:21] Who knows?

[1:29:22] Unless there's a movie about Topeka, Kansas, write in and tell me, because I don't know.

[1:29:25] Speaking of movies, let's talk about movies based on historical figures, because I've

[1:29:29] got an answer, unless you guys would like to go first.

[1:29:31] Why don't you go first?

[1:29:31] You should go first, buddy.

[1:29:33] Now, a figure that I – there is a movie made about him that I haven't seen, but I would

[1:29:38] like to see an American movie made about it, is Toussaint L'Ouverture, of course, one

[1:29:42] of the leaders of the Haitian Rebellion, one of the few successful slave rebellions, the

[1:29:46] rebellion that turned Haiti from a colony of France into a democratic country in its own

[1:29:52] right.

[1:29:52] They've had their ups and downs since then.

[1:29:54] But the black Napoleon, as he was sometimes called, I think his story would be a fascinating

[1:29:58] one.

[1:29:59] Who would I cast at him?

[1:29:59] Well, he's already played a revolutionary.

[1:30:03] How about Daniel Kaluuya, huh?

[1:30:05] He'd be great.

[1:30:06] He'd be fantastic.

[1:30:06] Or, if it's the older Toussaint L'Ouverture, Sterling K. Brown, I think would also do a

[1:30:10] fantastic job.

[1:30:11] They're both great actors.

[1:30:13] Now, that being said, the movie I've always wanted to make – I think I've talked about

[1:30:16] it before.

[1:30:17] It's a script that I have been working on for a long time.

[1:30:19] It's a movie about Chester A. Arthur, a president whose story I think is really interesting,

[1:30:23] even though nobody remembers who he is except for his mutton chops.

[1:30:25] Who would I cast as him?

[1:30:26] Matt Barry, probably.

[1:30:28] Anyway, what do you guys say?

Dan McCoy

[1:30:30] I'm going to go with something that has been, I find, adapted for a few television things,

[1:30:38] but has not had a movie made about it.

[1:30:41] Growing Pains?

[1:30:43] Yes.

[1:30:44] It's a tale of, I guess, a family.

[1:30:48] I don't know.

[1:30:48] And that's all there is about it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:50] I don't know if there's any premise to Growing Pains other than it's a family.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:57] No.

[1:30:58] So, I read the book, Arthur and George by Julian Barnes, which is a fictionalized version

[1:31:05] of a real-life thing about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle helped clear the name of a half-Indian

[1:31:14] lawyer who had been accused by people in the neighborhood of mutilating animals.

[1:31:22] And they were set on convicting him for obvious racist reasons, for the most part.

[1:31:30] And Conan Doyle did some of his own investigation, taking on the mantle of a detective himself, briefly,

[1:31:39] to help clear the name of this man.

[1:31:42] And it also led to the establishment of the Court of Appeals to, you know, prevent further

[1:31:49] miscarriages of justice.

[1:31:51] And I just think that that would be, it seems like the sort of story that would be catnip

[1:31:55] to a movie maker, to have the creator of Sherlock Holmes doing some solvent crimes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:03] Does it bother you that they haven't made a movie about that?

[1:32:05] But I think they did make a movie about when he was fooled into thinking fairies were real.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:10] A little bit.

[1:32:11] I mean, but, you know, he shouldn't have thought fairies were real.

[1:32:14] Like, that's dumb of him.

[1:32:17] We can drag Conan Doyle for that.

[1:32:20] Conan Doyle is such a funny character.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:21] That goes in the jeers section of his Wikipedia page.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:25] We really need to start putting those on more Wikipedia page.

[1:32:29] Oh, Hitler's section is a lot.

[1:32:30] Big jeers.

[1:32:31] Big jeers section.

[1:32:32] Oh, no.

[1:32:34] Arthur Conan Doyle, as many people have said before me, created the character who is all about

[1:32:38] rational deduction, and he was ready to believe whatever nonsense came his way.

[1:32:42] Yeah.

[1:32:42] Like, he was friends with Houdini, and how he's like, Houdini, I know you have real magic powers.

[1:32:46] And Houdini's like, no, I don't.

[1:32:47] And he's like, I know you have to pretend you don't, but trust me, your secret is safe with me,

[1:32:51] Arthur Conan Doyle.

[1:32:52] He's an interesting character.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:55] Yeah.

[1:32:56] Back in a couple months back, I did a trip to San Francisco, and while I was there, I did a tour of Alcatraz, which is now a, what, like a, it's a federal park, state, federal park?

Dan McCoy

[1:33:10] Yeah, it's a national historic park, I think.

[1:33:12] National park, thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:13] And one of the things that, one of the things I learned is that after the prison was shut down, being a prison, it was occupied by a group of Native American revolutionaries.

[1:33:24] Yeah, it's part of the American Indian movement, right?

[1:33:26] Yeah, and it led to a bunch of changes, and they were eventually forcefully ejected.

[1:33:32] But it was the longest occupation of U.S. land, what, in history or something?

[1:33:39] And it's, yeah, it was really fascinating.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:41] It was like over a year and a half long, right?

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:43] Yeah, it was a long time.

[1:33:45] And after, you know, after they were ejected and everything was cleaned up, they ended up bringing people back in to kind of redo all the graffiti that would, like, recreate the graffiti that was left by the occupiers.

[1:34:02] And now it, yeah, it's, I think it's really fascinating and not something I knew before going there.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:10] How you don't have to have something if you don't.

[1:34:13] But if you do, this is your chance.

Hallie Haglund

[1:34:15] All right.

[1:34:16] This isn't a very good idea, but I wanted to provide one.

[1:34:19] Let's run the bank.

[1:34:22] Well, I was just thinking about it.

[1:34:23] No, I think it could work.

[1:34:24] Well, I don't actually know the true story of, but, okay.

[1:34:28] So, you know, there are all these movies, these IP movies about, like, the inventor of the mop and, like, the inventor of Tetris and all this stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:38] There was that IP movie about IP Freely, the author of the book, The Yellow River.

Hallie Haglund

[1:34:43] Shit.

[1:34:44] But I think without knowing the actual origin story, I would love to know the origin story of the American Girls Collection and how it evolved from this sort of, like,

[1:34:58] educational resource that they were trying to teach girls about history to, like, I don't know, just, like, design a doll that looks like you and take it out to the store.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:10] Yeah, it's kind of like a Build-A-Bear now, right?

Hallie Haglund

[1:35:14] I think that there could be some real sinister plot twists in that, not knowing the real story at all.

[1:35:24] That's my answer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:24] That's a good idea.

[1:35:25] Yeah, I remember every time I hear about the American Girl dolls, which is frequent in the circles I travel in, I think about, there's a book I read once that was—

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:33] Yeah, you hear people saying, Elliot, why do you have so many American Girl dolls?

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:37] Yeah.

[1:35:37] Please put that American Girl doll down.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:39] Stop what you're doing.

[1:35:40] What are you doing to that American Girl doll?

[1:35:42] Yeah, Tom Petty came in.

[1:35:44] He's like, ugh, I thought I liked American Girls, but this guy—

[1:35:47] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:48] He's a ghost at this point, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:35:50] Yeah, the ghost of Tom Petty was roasting you.

[1:35:54] Yeah, that was a ghost roast, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:57] It's when only ghosts do the roasting.

[1:35:58] Yeah, worst kind.

[1:36:01] There's a book I read years ago about Russian writers writing about their experiences in America, and one of them, he was saying how he saw a sign in Times Square that said, American Girl Show.

[1:36:09] And this was in the 90s, and he was like, yeah, this is going to be hot.

[1:36:12] Like, this is going to be—it's Times Square, American Girl Show.

[1:36:15] And he and his friend went to it, and it was only as the lights were going down that they realized the audience was entirely moms and little girls.

[1:36:21] And then they watched as—it was like a pageant of, like, people playing different American Girl characters, but they had gone in expecting it to be, like, a strip club, you know?

[1:36:29] I thought this was funny.

[1:36:30] I feel like they should have noticed that earlier.

Hallie Haglund

[1:36:33] The way?

[1:36:34] That they were just surrounded by little girls.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:36:37] It's like in a horror movie when you realize you're the only people in the tavern that aren't werewolves.

[1:36:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:42] Or, like, when I went to see the circus, and I looked around as a single man, I'm like, oh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:48] You were the only single man.

[1:36:49] But you did buy—what were the souvenirs we said you bought there?

[1:36:52] Like, those long, like, fiber optic strands that glow and stuff?

[1:36:56] I just wanted to see the circus.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:58] You wanted the full experience.

[1:36:59] I get it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:00] Yeah, I mean, the circus doesn't exist anymore.

[1:37:01] You chose—you had to see it.

[1:37:03] You wouldn't get another chance.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:04] This is from Jeff, this letter.

[1:37:06] Jeff.

[1:37:06] Hey, Jeff.

[1:37:07] Who writes, hey, Flop Dogs.

[1:37:08] Be Jeff.

[1:37:09] Be Jeff.

[1:37:10] That's right.

[1:37:11] That's right, Jeff.

[1:37:11] Jeff.

[1:37:12] Hey, Flop Dogs.

[1:37:13] In the spring of 1995, some friends and I were driving from Portland, Oregon to Eugene, Oregon for a punk show.

[1:37:20] Side note.

[1:37:20] Check out.

[1:37:20] Those things existed at that time.

[1:37:22] Side note.

[1:37:23] I think it was for the first Man is the Bastard show out of California.

[1:37:29] And we passed a movie, Triplex, on the side of the highway that was playing Tommy Boy, Bad Boys, and Rob Roy.

[1:37:38] This rhyming triplet stuck in my head, and frankly, it sounds like a pretty good triple feature.

[1:37:43] So, dudes, what's your rhyming triple feature?

[1:37:46] Thanks for all the great listing fun.

[1:37:48] I love that this is not the question that Dan sent us ahead of time.

[1:37:51] He said—

[1:37:51] I thought it would be more fun to surprise you with this one.

[1:37:53] Okay, I guess so.

[1:37:54] Sometimes I make a calculated—

[1:37:56] I'm gonna—

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:57] Tim Roth is such a fun bad guy in Rob Roy.

[1:38:01] Oh, boy.

[1:38:02] And that's a perfect example of a movie when the villain kills a dog and you're like, that guy's gotta go.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:09] I'll give you a little time by choosing a movie that's in theaters and building upon that.

[1:38:14] My triple feature will be of air, hair, and cocaine bear.

[1:38:21] Yeah, good combination.

[1:38:22] I thought you were gonna say con air.

[1:38:24] Con air.

[1:38:24] Well, I mean, that's kind of just a—

[1:38:26] I don't know, a rhyme.

[1:38:28] But I guess they use boy boys.

[1:38:29] I mean, it's the right Tommy Boy and Bad Boys, yeah.

[1:38:31] Yeah, so, look, we can go by Madonna Vogue rules where she says, come on, come on, let's get to it.

[1:38:41] Strike a pose, there's nothing to it.

[1:38:43] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:44] Yeah, mine is gonna be kind of a slant rhyme.

[1:38:47] It's Mean Streets, Heart Beeps, and then a movie that doesn't exist—

[1:38:53] Paul Schrader?

[1:38:53] Yeah, Paul Schrader's Heart Beeps, and then a movie that doesn't exist, Mean Streeps, which is about Meryl Streep just being mean.

[1:38:59] Just being a real—I guess like the—which I guess is just the Devil Wears Prada, but instead we would call it Mean Streep.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:04] Mean Streep is a pretty good idea for like a, you know, being John Malkovich style.

[1:39:11] Like, we're just gonna take someone and like build a thing.

[1:39:15] Sorry, Stuart, are we gonna—

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:17] Yeah, I was gonna do a bad one for everybody.

[1:39:19] So I'm gonna do First Man, Thirst, and Myth.

[1:39:23] Ha ha ha!

[1:39:25] Ha ha ha!

[1:39:26] Ha ha ha!

[1:39:28] Ha ha ha!

[1:39:29] I like it.

[1:39:31] What about this one?

[1:39:32] Okay.

Hallie Haglund

[1:39:33] Toy Soldiers.

[1:39:35] Uh-huh.

[1:39:36] Toy Story.

[1:39:37] Uh-huh.

[1:39:38] A Marriage Story.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:39] Ha ha ha!

[1:39:40] Now, the rhyming aspect just doesn't exist, which is fine.

[1:39:43] Let's see.

[1:39:44] Yeah.

[1:39:44] That's more of a—almost a Wheel of Fortune before and after.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:47] They're taking us away.

[1:39:48] But that's something for everyone.

[1:39:50] The rhyming cops.

[1:39:51] That's something for the whole family.

[1:39:52] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:39:52] You just wanted a wide sort of variety of types of movies that people would enjoy.

[1:39:57] Sure, sure.

[1:39:58] Yeah.

[1:39:59] Well, okay.

[1:40:00] We did that thing.

[1:40:01] Let's move on to the last thing, which is where we recommend movies that we have seen,

[1:40:07] usually recently, that we enjoyed.

[1:40:09] Maybe it could be something you'd watch instead of dialing up Reese Witherspoon and Aston Kutcher

[1:40:16] on your Netflix box.

[1:40:19] I'm going to recommend a movie.

[1:40:21] Elliot makes fun of me claiming that I have nothing but time to go see movies in the theater,

[1:40:26] so I decided to prove him right by going out and seeing a five-hour montage yesterday.

[1:40:34] This is a cool recommendation because just anybody can go watch this movie.

[1:40:38] Yeah, well, you can find this.

[1:40:39] If you poke around the internet.

[1:40:41] If you really give a shit, you can find it.

[1:40:43] If you poke around the internet, this will all make sense in a second.

[1:40:46] I saw The Movie Orgy, which is a movie that is not commercially available, doesn't do regular screenings.

[1:40:56] The screening I went to was $0.

[1:40:59] You just had to write in to reserve your seat or whatever because it is a –

[1:41:04] You had to write a letter and have someone deliver it at midnight.

[1:41:09] And then a key would be given to you.

[1:41:11] Yeah.

[1:41:13] It's made up of parts of a bunch of other movies.

[1:41:16] It has Attack of the 50-Foot Woman, Amazing Colossal Man.

[1:41:20] And who made this?

[1:41:22] This is Joe Dante.

[1:41:23] This was early on.

[1:41:25] Small Soldiers, Joe Dante?

[1:41:27] Yeah, he used to do this kind of as like an ever-evolving roadshow where he would just like show it in person because, again, this is all copyrighted material.

[1:41:37] And he would change it up.

[1:41:39] Apparently, at one point, there was like a seven-hour version of this.

[1:41:42] And I got to say, I really loved seeing The Movie Orgy, but it was pushing it five hours.

[1:41:48] Like it was still kind of like –

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:49] I remember once reading an interview with him where he was like the whole point – he's like you're not supposed to sit through the whole thing.

[1:41:54] He goes, you're supposed to watch a little bit, go out and do something, come back and watch some more, go get something to eat.

[1:42:00] But I don't know how you – but we're not programmed to keep leaving and coming back to movies.

[1:42:04] Like just sit down at a movie and you watch it.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:06] Yeah.

[1:42:07] You should know that, Joe Dante.

[1:42:09] I definitely would have because there came a point where I was very hungry and thirsty, but I was also like –

[1:42:14] I'm dying.

[1:42:15] When am I ever going to see this?

[1:42:18] Where did you see it?

[1:42:19] What theater?

[1:42:19] It was at Anthology Film Archives.

[1:42:22] And I went to –

[1:42:24] Which just specializes in that kind of thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:26] Yeah.

[1:42:26] And you said the whole crowd looked just like you.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:28] Like it was a damn flash.

[1:42:29] I would say that 95% of the audience was also sort of middle-aged bearded movie nerds.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:37] But it's a really like –

[1:42:39] For Joe Dante's vintage five-hour super cut of old movies and commercials and things?

Dan McCoy

[1:42:45] Yeah.

[1:42:45] Like if you're still having kind of a hard time picturing what it is, like a lot of the edits are done for comic effects.

[1:42:55] There would be like a lot of things where they would show the whole opening credits to a movie and then have one little bit of it and cut abruptly to the end.

[1:43:04] And every time it got me.

[1:43:06] Like it was funny every time.

[1:43:08] There were these like old buffering commercials, one of which I like was really haunting.

[1:43:14] It's like the short story of like a pain reliever commercial where it's like this dad shooting a rifle and showing his kid how good he is at shooting this rifle.

[1:43:24] And the kid doesn't want to do it.

[1:43:28] Like doesn't want to be like masculine rifle guy like his dad.

[1:43:32] And there's like a gunshot as the dad angrily continues his target practice.

[1:43:39] And the mom clutches her head in pain.

[1:43:43] And then she's like you see her inside with all the dad shooting outside as she puts buffering in her hand.

[1:43:49] And it says sensitive.

[1:43:51] It says something like sensitive people.

[1:43:53] People who are sensitive to others are often sensitive to headaches or something like that.

[1:43:58] And it's like haunting vision of this family in 30 seconds all to be like, hey, man, is life giving you pain?

[1:44:08] So it's a lot of stuff like that cut together.

[1:44:12] Again, you can find it on the internet if you want to.

[1:44:16] Like it'll be no less illegal than the way that Joe Dante shows it as a traveling road show.

[1:44:22] So go ahead and track it down if it sounds interesting.

[1:44:24] And don't sit all five hours.

[1:44:26] Parcel it out to yourself.

[1:44:27] But it's a lot of fun.

[1:44:30] Anyone else?

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:31] That sounds great.

[1:44:32] I'm going to recommend a movie that's streaming, I think, on Peacock.

[1:44:36] Peacock, anybody?

[1:44:37] Yeah, I'm familiar with it.

[1:44:38] We'll find out.

[1:44:38] Is this the on?

[1:44:39] I'm going to recommend an animated movie.

[1:44:41] I'm recommending Puss in Boots, The Last Wish.

[1:44:44] That's right.

[1:44:45] It's a movie about Puss in Boots.

[1:44:46] I have not seen the previous Puss in Boots.

[1:44:48] I think it's a Shrek spinoff.

[1:44:50] This one is fucking great.

[1:44:53] Not only do you have some...

[1:44:55] Now, normally I'm a little skeptical of like top drawer voice talent.

[1:44:58] And this one's got a lot of it.

[1:45:00] It's got Antonio Banderas.

[1:45:02] It's got Salma Hayek.

[1:45:03] The 13th Warrior himself?

[1:45:05] It's got Florence Pugh.

[1:45:07] It's got Ray Winstone, ladies.

[1:45:10] Uh-oh.

[1:45:11] Ray Winstone.

[1:45:14] It's got Alicia Coleman.

[1:45:17] It's great.

[1:45:17] John Mulaney.

[1:45:18] Everybody.

[1:45:20] Um, and, uh, yeah.

[1:45:22] Like, the action's great.

[1:45:23] And the, like, I don't know.

[1:45:26] The, the, despite being a movie that has a lot of action and some really great set pieces,

[1:45:32] it still manages to, like, the focus of the movie is not on, like, beating people up,

[1:45:37] but rather, like, coming to terms with your own, like, mortality and limitation and figuring

[1:45:43] out what's important in your life.

[1:45:44] And I found it to be really touching and, uh, visually very stimulating.

[1:45:49] Hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:50] Elliot?

[1:45:51] Elliot?

[1:45:51] I think, I, so, Dan recommended a kind of, like, student art collage of vintage movies,

[1:45:56] and Stuart recommended an adventure about a cat who is facing his own mortality.

[1:46:02] And I think my movie is kind of in the middle of that Venn diagram.

[1:46:04] Wow.

[1:46:05] Which is, this is a classic Russian film called The Ascent from 1977, uh, directed by Larissa

[1:46:12] Shipitko.

[1:46:13] Uh, and it is the story, it's a story set in World War II.

[1:46:17] Uh, these two soldiers who are with a unit that is, uh, almost more just like Russians who

[1:46:23] are trying to survive more than soldiers.

[1:46:24] Uh, they were sent out to find food from a nearby farm, uh, in the dead of winter while

[1:46:29] the Germans were after them and managed to have a lot of trouble finding the people they're

[1:46:34] supposed to find and get captured by the Germans, leading to a real, um, decision of whether they

[1:46:41] are going to give information or not give information.

[1:46:43] And each one takes a different path and their lives go in very different directions.

[1:46:49] And there's a sense of a real, uh, bleakness, a real, uh, horror, not the horror of like blood

[1:46:56] and guts, but the horror of, uh, a life where there seems to be no justice and there seems

[1:47:00] to be no escape.

[1:47:01] And I found it very powerful and very moving.

[1:47:03] And one of the moments in it that really got to me was, uh, there's a Russian who is a collaborator

[1:47:09] who is interrogating them and is acting like he is in charge and the big cock of the walk.

[1:47:13] And then later you see him trying to get into a huddle of German soldiers basically.

[1:47:18] And they just are ignoring him and giving him the cold shoulder, no pun intended, because

[1:47:22] it's very cold in the movie.

[1:47:23] And just this moment of seeing where that guy sits on the hierarchy, uh, was so, was so powerful

[1:47:29] to me.

[1:47:29] And so it's a movie that is not a fun movie.

[1:47:32] I would say it does not have the, uh, it's not the, uh, generic, uh, calming presence of

[1:47:39] your place or mine, but, uh, I found it to be really, a really fantastic movie and very

[1:47:44] beautiful in its kind of, um, the depths of the soul that it reaches down to.

[1:47:48] So that's the ascent.

[1:47:50] Uh, Hallie, what have you got for us?

[1:47:52] What are you going to recommend?

Hallie Haglund

[1:47:53] Um, this is pretty weak.

[1:47:57] Uh, you're like your place or mine.

[1:47:59] Let us be the judge of this.

[1:48:01] Uh, okay.

[1:48:01] So I, wait, what did you say, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:48:04] Let us be the judge of this.

[1:48:05] Oh, okay.

Hallie Haglund

[1:48:06] Um, uh, so I was on a plane yesterday and, um, I watched part of this movie that is the

[1:48:15] kind of movie you only watch on a plane.

[1:48:18] The kind of movie I only watch on a plane.

[1:48:19] Cause it's like, I recognize the stars, but they clearly didn't want me to see this cause

[1:48:24] this movie has not been out there.

[1:48:26] So it's, it's called like Alice Darling or Darling Alice starring Anna Kendrick, uh, who I'm

[1:48:34] not usually a big fan of, but this was a thriller about a moat.

[1:48:38] She's very small, but they weave it into the plot in this one.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:42] She could be anywhere.

[1:48:43] That's what, it's scary.

[1:48:45] Yeah.

[1:48:45] She's just in your pockets behind, you know, behind your ear.

Hallie Haglund

[1:48:49] Well, this is a soaring tale, not soaring, searing, uh, sad, uh, snoring.

[1:48:57] It's something about emotional abuse.

[1:48:59] The problem was my earbuds, not great.

[1:49:03] Uh, I had no idea what was going on.

[1:49:05] And, uh, 50 minutes into the movie we landed, but I went back.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:12] You've taken Dan's habit of recommending movies that he watched on planes.

[1:49:15] They didn't like that much.

[1:49:16] And you have raised him quite a bit.

[1:49:18] This, this is the challenge.

Hallie Haglund

[1:49:19] Well, this is what I'll tell you.

[1:49:20] I went to my hotel that night and I tried to find it.

[1:49:23] I could not find it, but the fact that I tried to find it made me feel like I at least

[1:49:29] wanted to know what was going on.

[1:49:32] Cause I couldn't hear anything.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:34] He's got a 65 on a Metacritic.

[1:49:37] So that's not bad.

Hallie Haglund

[1:49:38] Okay.

[1:49:38] Well, check it out and let me know.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:41] 90 minutes.

[1:49:42] That's a handsome one.

[1:49:43] 90 minutes.

Hallie Haglund

[1:49:43] I thought I could make it.

[1:49:44] I thought I could make it through it by the end of the flight.

[1:49:46] I was wrong.

[1:49:47] I've been there.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:48] I've been there, girl.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:52] When you're finishing watching, when you're trying to finish a movie and then the pilot comes

[1:49:57] on and he's like, okay, we're beginning our descent.

[1:49:59] And you're like, stop.

[1:50:00] Let me watch it.

[1:50:01] And he's like, show up.

[1:50:02] Circle.

[1:50:03] Take another ladder.

[1:50:04] What else did I want to tell you?

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:06] It's not going to change my life to know this.

[1:50:09] Just let me be.

[1:50:11] Yeah.

[1:50:11] When, when the plane lands and everyone's clapping, Dan's like, I'm not clapping.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:17] I mean, that only happens like one out of every 20 flights, right?

[1:50:20] Like, I don't.

[1:50:21] I don't know.

[1:50:22] A lot of times when I fly to the Caribbean, it happens.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:23] Yeah.

[1:50:24] It depends.

[1:50:24] In the Caribbean, they clap a lot when the, when the lights land.

Hallie Haglund

[1:50:27] I feel like it only happens when they actually do a bad landing because they like create a

[1:50:31] sense of like, will they or won't they?

[1:50:33] It lands.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:36] Well, this has been a delight.

[1:50:38] And I'm so glad that it meant that Hallie, who was just in town for business for a day,

[1:50:44] like I could see her in person.

[1:50:46] We could see her in person.

[1:50:46] That was so nice.

[1:50:49] Yes.

[1:50:49] For me too.

[1:50:51] So this is a podcast that's on the Maximum Fun Network.

[1:50:54] You can find more fine podcasts by going over to MaximumFun.org, checking out what they've

[1:51:00] got over there, a lot of funny shows, a lot of shows that'll teach you something.

[1:51:05] We're in that earlier category.

[1:51:07] We don't really do much for like world knowledge.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:09] I mean, we must have taught someone something in this, in this episode, right?

[1:51:13] Yeah.

[1:51:13] If you didn't know anything about candy, maybe.

[1:51:17] Yeah.

[1:51:17] Now you know that there's an old lady who ate half her butt in candy.

[1:51:22] Now watch.

[1:51:22] Someone's going to write in and say that didn't happen and it's going to be my ding dong

[1:51:26] gate.

[1:51:26] Oh no.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:27] Oh no.

[1:51:28] Man, it's tough.

[1:51:29] I got to tell you.

Dan McCoy

[1:51:30] Butt gate.

[1:51:32] If you could please enter by the butt gate, please.

[1:51:36] And we would like to thank Alex Smith, our producer and editor for making us sound good.

[1:51:42] You can find him on various socials under the name Howl Dottie.

[1:51:46] But for now, that's it for this episode.

[1:51:49] For the Flap House, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:51:51] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:51:53] I'm Ellie Kalin.

Hallie Haglund

[1:51:55] And I'm Hallie Haglund.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:57] Bye.

[1:51:58] Bye.

[1:51:59] Bye.

[1:52:00] Bye.

[1:52:01] I tried to join in and I couldn't do it.

[1:52:03] Let's talk.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:09] Is that drink okay, Hallie?

[1:52:11] It's great.

[1:52:11] What's in it?

[1:52:12] Velvet falernum and rum and some lime juice.

[1:52:16] Ooh.

[1:52:17] Velvet falernum.

[1:52:18] It's real.

[1:52:18] But I'm allergic to velvet falernum.

[1:52:22] Real taste of the tropics.

[1:52:24] It's, you know, it's a common, it's used in a lot of tiki drinks.

[1:52:27] Mm-hmm.

[1:52:28] Okay, I guess we should start.

[1:52:30] Yeah, Dan, you're right.

[1:52:31] Don't question yourself, dude.

[1:52:33] On.

[1:52:34] You ready?

[1:52:38] Maximumfun.org.

[1:52:39] Comedy and culture.

S5

[1:52:41] Artist owned.

[1:52:42] Audience supported.

[1:52:43] Yeah.

Episode #394 - Your Place or Mine, with Hallie Haglund

Chapters

Transcript

In this episode

Description