Episode #394 - Your Place or Mine, with Hallie Haglund

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss your place or mine.

[0:05] Wait, whose place is it going to be? I'm so confused.

[0:30] Hey, everyone. Welcome to the flop house. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:42] And I'm Holly Hagelin. The star of the show is here.

[0:47] Pepe. Pepe, pepe, pepe. Pepe, pepe, pepe, pepe.

[0:54] I forgot about Pepe. Hip-hip Brazil is already giggling as this show started

[1:03] because it's actually in New York.

[1:05] You know, she's now she lives in L.A., but she came to the city and it's really nice to see her.

[1:11] Yeah, when she heard the title of the movie, she got confused and came to your place.

[1:15] Yeah, exactly.

[1:17] Yeah, it is a movie very much about L.A. and New York,

[1:22] except that doesn't really seem to know much about either city.

[1:25] No, not at all. It's about the future generic culturalist L.A. and New York

[1:32] that gentrification is bringing to both of us.

[1:34] But before we get into that, guys, this episode is being released on April 22nd, is it not?

[1:40] It is. Oh, yeah, it is.

[1:41] Is there something special going on today, April 22nd at 7 p.m. Eastern?

[1:45] Yeah, there's still time. Boy, what day is it today?

[1:48] Why, it's Flophouse Stream Day.

[1:51] Then buy the biggest goose you can and also tickets to the Battlefield Earth streaming event.

[1:56] That's today at 7 p.m., April 22nd, 7 p.m.

[1:59] Go to flophousepodcast.com slash stream to watch a real professionally shot video

[2:04] of our Brooklyn Battlefield Earth live show.

[2:06] Also, you still have a chance to buy a VIP meet and greet ticket

[2:10] where you'll get to have actual conversation with the actual peaches.

[2:13] That's us, Hallie not included. I'm sorry.

[2:15] She's very popular, but she's not available.

[2:17] We asked her, but we didn't actually ask her.

[2:19] We jacked up those prices if Hallie was there.

[2:22] That's the VIP.

[2:26] But tonight we will be in the chat box for the premiere of the video.

[2:31] You still have weeks afterwards to watch it.

[2:33] So even if you can't make it tonight, if you still want to see it, please buy a ticket.

[2:36] And if you can't make it tonight, enjoy chatting with us while we watch our own show.

[2:41] Kind of weird, but that's the second screen experience that I guess we all want these days.

[2:45] And we'll have some great, great new merchandise available.

[2:48] I know I'm going to buy some. I hope you do too because we get money from it.

[2:52] And also to look good in your home, I guess, but mostly because we get money from it.

[2:55] Tickets are available at flophousepodcast.com slash stream.

[3:00] Wait, when you guys are going to be chatting, what does that mean?

[3:03] Do they see your face or is it just like they're like AOL chatting?

[3:07] No, it's like a lot of these streaming events have like a constant chat going on on the side.

[3:12] Like a Twitch style thing and we'll also be there.

[3:17] I'm really looking forward to it.

[3:19] I got to say because a lot of people don't like to hear or see themselves.

[3:23] I am curious. I'm trapped inside this body.

[3:27] I want to see what it's like.

[3:30] That's why Jan lives in a house of mirrors.

[3:33] He's just like Patrick Bateman watching himself in the mirror as he has sex.

[3:38] Because he's more interested in himself in that moment than he is in his partner.

[3:41] Guys, I get it now.

[3:43] Now that you're ripped, you really understand it.

[3:50] And if you're listening to this episode after April 22nd, again, like I said, you can still buy a ticket to watch the video.

[3:57] And speaking of Brooklyn, this movie takes place in Brooklyn.

[4:00] Because Dan, what do we do on this podcast about movies?

[4:02] Well, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[4:06] This movie I believe was just straight to Netflix.

[4:11] I don't think this got at the end.

[4:13] So where does it fall on your beloved tomato meter?

[4:16] My beloved tomato meter?

[4:19] Well, that's just a tomato meter that he uses to compare movies to beloved.

[4:22] Not the movie but the original book by Toni Morrison.

[4:26] So Dan, how does your place or mine compare to the harrowing story of American history that is Beloved?

[4:34] Well, it's a lot more pleasant to sort of have on in the background while you're like maybe doing chores.

[4:42] As an artistic achievement, I don't think it stacks up to Beloved.

[4:46] Okay. Now compare it to Bluest Eye.

[4:49] Wait. What's that? Oh, that's another Toni Morrison book.

[4:53] No, no. That's not Toni Morrison.

[4:55] Oh, shit. Wow.

[4:57] That's Alice Waters, right?

[4:58] Alex, edit that out.

[4:59] Oh, no. That isn't Toni Morrison.

[5:01] Oh, my god. I fucking nailed it.

[5:03] You guys said all my haters can suck.

[5:05] What movie – oh, I'm thinking of The Color Purple.

[5:07] You're talking about Elliot.

[5:08] You know what? Keep it in.

[5:09] Elliot is all your haters.

[5:10] You know what, Elliot? You are colorblind, remember?

[5:13] That's true, which means I also am blind to the names of the authors of books that have colors in the title.

[5:19] It's Alice Walker. Alice Waters is I think a chef, right?

[5:21] Well, guys, I had a lot of travel last week when I went to that Brooklyn Live show, and I also have a cold.

[5:27] So I want to apologize to Toni Morrison.

[5:29] I want to apologize to Alice Walker and Alice Waters.

[5:32] I apologize to all of them.

[5:33] You can also just apologize to me.

[5:35] No, I think, Stuart, I think I'm going to save that correction for another day.

[5:38] It could be a simple slip of the brain.

[5:40] I think you paid Alice Waters a huge compliment.

[5:42] No need to apologize to Alice Waters specifically.

[5:46] To Alice Waters.

[5:47] Yeah.

[5:48] Yeah.

[5:49] Well, that's been our show.

[5:51] So the movie Your Place or Mine is about people getting authors mixed up in their heads.

[5:56] Yeah.

[5:57] Kind of.

[5:58] There's a lot about authors.

[6:00] You know what? In a way, it is.

[6:01] In a way, it is.

[6:02] Yeah.

[6:03] Okay.

[6:04] So we watched a romantic comedy.

[6:06] Yeah.

[6:07] Which is light on both romance and comedy.

[6:09] Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher, and it is.

[6:12] That's right.

[6:13] Greasy Diner Spoon and Ashton Kitchen.

[6:17] It was written and directed by one of the executive producers for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,

[6:21] which I discovered when I was like, there's like four actors in this that were in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

[6:26] There must be some connection.

[6:27] I looked it up, and lo and behold, there it was.

[6:29] Yes.

[6:30] Eileen Brosh McKenna.

[6:31] Yeah.

[6:32] A frequent on that one podcast, Script Notes.

[6:36] She's on Script Notes a lot.

[6:37] She is on Script Notes a lot.

[6:38] Yeah.

[6:39] I would know that.

[6:40] I knew that because I used to listen to Script Notes, and eventually I had to stop listening to Script Notes.

[6:45] But, ooh, maybe I should say that if I still want to work in the industry.

[6:49] Oh, boy.

[6:50] And she did The Devil Wears Prada too, right?

[6:53] She wrote it.

[6:54] Yeah.

[6:55] Yeah.

[6:56] A lot of questions already.

[6:57] Okay.

[6:58] What is one of those questions?

[7:00] Just give us one.

[7:01] How far have you fallen, Eileen Brosh McKenna?

[7:04] Oh, wow.

[7:05] Wow.

[7:06] I'm not going to go that far.

[7:07] No.

[7:08] You don't think she listens to this, do you?

[7:10] No, I don't think so.

[7:12] I feel like Hallie Dan and I are on this boat of now we're like, who do we not piss off?

[7:18] Who do we choose not to piss off?

[7:19] Who can help our career and who might hurt our career?

[7:21] I mean, let me make it very clear.

[7:22] I watched all of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

[7:24] I enjoyed that show.

[7:25] I enjoyed Devil Wears Prada.

[7:26] I love Devil Wears Prada.

[7:27] Everyone has their ups and downs.

[7:29] Yeah, that's true.

[7:30] We're not saying anything other than maybe next time.

[7:34] Yeah, we occasionally release a not perfect podcast episode.

[7:38] Surely not.

[7:39] No, never.

[7:40] It's possible.

[7:41] None that I've heard.

[7:42] I mean, maybe we will at some point.

[7:44] Thank you.

[7:45] Thank you, Eileen.

[7:46] I've never listened to this podcast.

[7:47] Have you never even listened to one that you're on?

[7:49] No.

[7:50] Yeah.

[7:51] Okay.

[7:52] Well, you're beloved.

[7:53] People like you.

[7:54] And Hallie responded to that with a sort of like cute little nose wrinkle that no one can

[8:01] see because it's recorded.

[8:03] So we watched this movie.

[8:06] We're going to talk about it.

[8:07] It's a romantic comedy.

[8:08] It does do a very clever thing, which is takes its two leads who have no chemistry together

[8:14] and keeps them separate the whole movie.

[8:16] Keeps an entire country between them the whole time.

[8:19] The entirety of the North American continent.

[8:21] Yeah, this is one of these things.

[8:23] So maybe we need to steer away from high concept rom-coms because the premise to this is interesting,

[8:34] but it also sort of stays in the way of the thing that you maybe want to see out of a romantic comedy,

[8:39] which is the characters relating to one each other and realizing they're in love and all of that stuff.

[8:47] Like the premise to this, to put it very quickly, is that like essentially through plot machinations

[8:54] that don't make any sense, and we'll get into that, they switch apartments for a week.

[9:00] I'm curious that you called it a high concept rom-com because as far as concept,

[9:03] it's fairly low concept.

[9:05] It's essentially one person is going to babysit for the other one.

[9:08] No, no, no, no.

[9:11] I think high concept can be used for this because it's just like it has become to be used for like,

[9:20] it has like a premise, like a big logline premise rather than like it's just a movie where people fall in love.

[9:29] I mean the logline premise is just two friends switch houses for a week.

[9:33] Yeah, but it is like they keep, you know, much like something like Sleepless in Seattle,

[9:37] it's like we're keeping the lovers separated, like they're not actually, like that is unusual for a rom-com.

[9:44] I can only think of Sleepless in Seattle and Bubble Boy, I guess, as the two movies that keep the lovers separated.

[9:50] They switch houses and they like learn about each other's lives.

[9:54] Room, also.

[9:55] Room?

[9:56] Yeah, room.

[9:57] Classic rom-com.

[10:00] Well, I didn't expect so much pushback for what I thought was a very simple thing I was trying to say.

[10:04] Have you listened to this podcast, Dan? That's what we do.

[10:07] I'm just trying to say...

[10:08] You're like Halle. You never actually listen to the show.

[10:10] Elliot got on my case about my Toni Morrison bit, Dan.

[10:13] And I was wrong. So, Dan, take that to mean that's precedent.

[10:17] I can be wrong when I push back.

[10:18] I'm just saying, if I'm literally saying I'm going to do something in a short amount of time,

[10:22] why do we have to extend it?

[10:24] I never said I would do it in a short amount of time.

[10:26] That's the thing. You can speak for yourself.

[10:27] No, I know you didn't. But why do you feel the need?

[10:29] Anyway, I'm just saying like the idea for this, like what I'm sure it was sold on.

[10:38] Like if you're trying to make a movie, you have to have like a premise that like the elevator pitch.

[10:43] Let's say that rather than high concept.

[10:45] The elevator pitch is like, oh, it's a rom-com where they switch lives, essentially, kind of.

[10:51] Can you give me an example of another pitch?

[10:53] No, I can't.

[10:55] I'm not going to do it.

[10:56] Okay.

[10:57] They switch lives for a little bit.

[10:58] And like that is what realized that helps them realize that their love is they like sort of see the other person in a more rounded way.

[11:06] Perhaps anyway, it precipitates like finally that emotion and fine.

[11:14] Like that makes it more easy to sell.

[11:16] But does that make it a story that like works?

[11:20] Like that's the question.

[11:21] And in this case, maybe not.

[11:22] We'll find out on today's episode of The Flophouse.

[11:24] And Stuart, an example of a high concept elevator pitch would be like die hard.

[11:28] It's like die hard in a building.

[11:29] Oh, okay.

[11:30] That makes sense.

[11:31] Or how about I'm not in the industry guys, but how about this?

[11:35] There's a guy named Ted and he's like a bear and he hangs out with Mark Wahlberg all the time.

[11:39] Yep.

[11:40] That would be a show called Ted or like or for instance, the pitch for cocaine bear, which was cocaine bear.

[11:48] Oh, yeah.

[11:49] Yeah, keep it simple.

[11:50] Stupid.

[11:50] Exactly.

[11:51] Or the pitch for the band kiss, which was keep it simple.

[11:54] Stupid the band.

[11:55] They kind of moved away from the original pitch eventually and they became Knights in Satan's service.

[11:58] But eventually it was all about keeping them.

[12:00] I feel like their whole thing is not keeping it simple.

[12:05] No, listen, I want to rock and roll all night and party every day.

[12:08] Keep it simple.

[12:09] I do one thing all night and I do one thing during the day.

[12:11] I do not mix up.

[12:12] Yeah, I guess you're right.

[12:14] I was born for loving you.

[12:15] You were born for loving me.

[12:16] Keep it simple.

[12:16] We don't do anything else.

[12:17] We just love him.

[12:19] Yeah.

[12:20] I don't really know a lot of the kiss songs other than the obvious ones like lick it up like rock and roll all night and party every day.

[12:27] Yeah, so let's talk about the movie.

[12:30] So you might say Dan has never been kissed.

[12:35] You could say you could say that.

[12:37] Yeah, you could be a little weird movie was about.

[12:40] We're finally listening to kids.

[12:44] It was like missing all my life.

[12:47] Headphones on.

[12:47] She puts an LP on and she's like see the awakening.

[12:51] Yeah, it's just like a scene in Garden State.

[12:52] She shares her headphones with them.

[12:54] It's just I want to change your life.

[12:58] The person's like I've heard this song.

[12:59] It's on the radio all the time.

[13:01] She goes.

[13:02] Oh, that's kiss.

[13:03] I have heard them and hands the headphones back.

[13:05] Yeah, so this movie starts much like Sheryl Crow's hit hit song in LA.

[13:11] The year is 2003 at the beginning of a how do you know it's in 2003?

[13:16] Because on screen text tells us it's 2003 and then points with arrows at all the 2003 specific fashion choices.

[13:23] And I wonder I wonder do you guys think was this written into the movie or was this post trying to like add jokes to the movie?

[13:30] Was this something that was originally supposed to be there or they were like this scene doesn't really have any jokes.

[13:34] Let's throw some jokes in there.

[13:36] I think it was probably already in there.

[13:39] My objection to this was like it treats you like you're an idiot.

[13:42] Well, it goes on for a long time.

[13:45] Like when there's just like a couple of things.

[13:47] I'm like, oh, this is kind of a funny thing because like let's point out like a just like a few indicators and like but you know, it doesn't really change that much.

[13:55] But then it keeps going and going and going.

[13:58] I don't know.

[13:59] Yeah, by the time it gets to like wallet chain and stuff like that, which I don't know if that's necessarily a 2003 thing is it?

[14:06] Oh, that's your issue with it.

[14:07] I thought it's because like you could just have them have a wallet chain and assume people would be like, oh man.

[14:13] I remember when I had one of those as opposed to the movie being like stop real quick.

[14:17] Yeah, look at that wallet chain.

[14:19] Well, if only they had shot this the way they shot boyhood where they didn't know which stuff was going to be big cultural indicators at the time.

[14:25] So they don't have an area that's like, yeah, they don't have a narrator.

[14:29] That's like look at that iMac with all the colors on it.

[14:32] We don't have those anymore.

[14:33] Remember those computers, you know, but anyway, it's 2003.

[14:36] The text on screen tells us and Debbie and Peter AKA Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher.

[14:42] They've just met at a poker game and they suddenly can't take their hands off each other.

[14:45] Their friends leave and they don't even notice because they're so busy macking.

[14:49] They have sex before they do that.

[14:51] Macking.

[14:52] Yeah, that's an indicator of the time period.

[14:55] Sure.

[14:56] I mean, look up when I was born.

[14:59] I heard someone say macking was when I was at church camp as a junior high kid.

[15:06] I was accused of macking context that I've heard.

[15:11] Like I think you're misusing macking actually.

[15:14] What I mean is that they're dressed up as Mac tonight.

[15:16] The McDonald's pitchman who is a giant group of sunglasses.

[15:19] Yeah, so I think it's like body horror at this point before they have sex Ashton mentions.

[15:26] He's written 23 short stories and he's also amazed at how many books Reese Witherspoon has off-camera.

[15:32] And so yeah, he's 23 short stories about Glenn Gould that movie ripped me off.

[15:35] He says these two things that he was once a writer and is no longer and that she likes books.

[15:41] A lot will become the defining to the defining characteristics about these characters.

[15:45] Although neither of them seem like that's true.

[15:48] I guess almost we rarely see Reese Witherspoon reading characters talk about how much she loves books.

[15:54] She wears a Powell's bookstore shirt.

[15:56] She stops at a little free library.

[15:58] This movie is really pandering to me at which point at one point Ashton Kutcher walks by the strand.

[16:02] I was like this movie is really trying very hard to bring in a lot of bookstores that I've been to but it's just similarly.

[16:10] We'll learn later. Their personality is more because we're told a lot about it and because we see it 25 years later.

[16:15] Suddenly 25 years later. It's the morning of Ashton Kutcher's birthday.

[16:18] It seems at first like she and Reese but like she like he and Reese Witherspoon are waking up together.

[16:23] But surprise he lives in New York now. She's still in LA and it's a split screen.

[16:27] They're talking all morning on the phone with each other in the first of one of many Brian De Palma slash Robert Aldrich style split screens.

[16:35] It turns out after that one night stand they became best friends who share no interests or values or habits.

[16:41] I don't know why they're friends Reese Witherspoon.

[16:43] We learned she's the anxious uptight one who always does the smart easy simple safe choice.

[16:50] He's the reckless one who's afraid of commitment.

[16:53] The movie keeps telling us this out loud, but we don't really see the characters particularly act that way.

[16:59] Dan, what were you going to say?

[17:00] Well, I mean, yes, they don't act like the way that they're supposed to.

[17:05] I mean like Reese acts like someone who's anxious like the movie gives her a lot of business a little bit.

[17:12] But I think Ashton Kutcher like everyone who keeps talking about how irresponsible he is and apparently he's like extremely successful

[17:19] and it's not saying that that cannot make someone like that.

[17:22] People like that can't be irresponsible in a number of ways.

[17:25] The richest man in America did buy a social media company because he wanted people to think he was cool and then is actively dismantling it as time goes on because people still don't think we don't see any of those ways.

[17:36] So all we're left with is this experience of a man who has everything pretty well together.

[17:41] But yeah, he has an apartment that looks like an Airbnb.

[17:45] I mean, he has an apartment that literally is it uses that stock photo Elliot behind you as the view.

[17:51] Yeah, he has a very expensive Dumbo apart.

[17:53] They both is that he's super successful.

[17:55] He has this huge Dumbo apartment and it for before we learn he's not a writer.

[17:58] My I was watching it with my wife and Danny.

[18:00] I was like he got that on a writer's income and but also Reese Witherspoon later is like I need to make I've done the safe choices for my job.

[18:08] I need to start making more money to support me and my son and she lives in like a beautiful house on the Silver Lake Reservoir.

[18:13] So they're both they're living the affluent life even though she bought in 2003 Elliot.

[18:18] Okay, that's fair when it was really expensive as opposed to unreasonably expensive.

[18:22] Yeah, but the one thing I wanted to push back on was just this idea that like I mean people with different personalities like our friends all the time.

[18:31] Sometimes you see people in the room Dan and Elliot.

[18:38] Yeah, I think sometimes you seek out people who like fill you out rather than people who just sort of confirm the person you're all you are already.

[18:49] However, I agree that's what I say whenever I meet a new person.

[18:52] I think would be a good friend to say hey you want to fill me out gross.

[18:57] No, I don't I don't know what I do some me out killing.

[19:01] I don't have a lot of friends.

[19:02] Yeah, we also learned that so Reese Witherspoon.

[19:05] She has she's a divorcee with a teen son.

[19:07] Jack was a lot of allergies and she's very overprotective of him.

[19:10] And we also learned we probably learned that because she is telling taking her friend Tignatar and she's like,

[19:16] I'm very protective of my son with this many allergies those overprotective weight.

[19:20] And also I want to mention speaking of people.

[19:21] I don't think should be friends.

[19:23] Like I don't understand why Tignatar is friends with Reese Witherspoon.

[19:27] That was the part that confused all these characters have long histories and we don't really know how they how that came about.

[19:33] But here's the other thing we learned something very important about Ashton Kutcher.

[19:36] He loves the band the cars and that's all he listens to

[19:39] and that will be a surprisingly defining characteristic for him that he loves the cars and the movie.

[19:44] But I mean like with Tignatar being her friend like that character is written mostly like she gets a couple of good lines that she kills

[19:53] because she's funny but like mostly that character is written as bland like friend who is only concerned with.

[20:00] how Reese Witherspoon's life is going and, like, giving Reese Witherspoon advice on her own life.

[20:05] And Tig Notaro's whole affect, like, makes me think, like, she wouldn't, like, get wound up in this shit.

[20:12] Like, she's got her own stuff going on. She doesn't care about this nonsense.

[20:15] She was my favorite character, but what does she have going on in her life?

[20:20] Because I kind of thought she might have been a figment of their imagination.

[20:24] Like a Tyler Durden type thing.

[20:26] Yeah, she just, like, shows up all of a sudden holding a coffee and, like, I know nothing else about her.

[20:33] They're somehow co-workers at the same school, I think, but I don't know what either of them really do there.

[20:39] And here's the thing with the movie. It's, like, Tig Notaro is the movie's first attempt at giving Reese Witherspoon a, like, snarky sidekick, and it's not working out.

[20:47] So the movie kind of lessens her role and brings in another character later to be Reese Witherspoon's new snarky sidekick.

[20:53] And it's just, like, movie. You're going through snarky sidekicks at a fast pace.

[20:57] I can't believe you guys think that Tig Notaro wasn't working. I feel like she was the only thing that was working.

[21:03] Oh, no, no. I don't know her as somebody. I'm not saying that she's not working for the movie as a comedy sidekick.

[21:11] I just think it's funny that the movie is, like, here's your standard issue romantic comedy snarky sidekick.

[21:16] Forget it. Sideliner. Bring in a new one.

[21:19] No, no, because she has to become Ashton Kutcher's snarky sidekick.

[21:25] Yeah. I think it works. I think it works, guys.

[21:29] I don't know. She's a character that doesn't really exist except to be a snarky sidekick.

[21:33] So, Reese, this is the important thing.

[21:35] I think she doesn't really exist.

[21:37] It's very possible that she's a shared delusion.

[21:39] Like, she shows up when Ashton Kutcher needs to have somebody to talk to. Like, it's perfect.

[21:44] I mean, if the other sidekick of Minka, played by Zoe Chow, didn't interact with a third character, I would assume that she was a figment.

[21:52] Zoe Chow was also great, by the way.

[21:55] And if that third character didn't professionally help Ashton Kutcher's career by the end, I would assume he was a figment of Reese Witherspoon's imagination.

[22:02] Did you watch the after party on Apple TV Plus?

[22:06] No.

[22:07] She's also in the new season of Party Down.

[22:10] You guys only – I go to parties, okay?

[22:13] I don't really watch that.

[22:15] Oh, man.

[22:16] Just kidding. I don't go to parties.

[22:18] This counts as a party for me.

[22:20] Reese Witherspoon is leaving her son at home for a week so she can go to New York to take a week-long accounting course that I guess will give her a degree in accounting.

[22:27] That don't exist in L.A.

[22:29] There's no accounting classes.

[22:31] You can't get an accounting degree in L.A., but maybe it's just that in New York you can get a one-week rushed accounting degree.

[22:38] Dan, vent your rage on this.

[22:40] No, this is what I was – like there's no way she can do this at home.

[22:43] She has to fly to the other coast for one week to get her – like do a correspondence course even.

[22:51] This is set in a new world, Dan, where President Joe Biden has made remote classes illegal.

[22:57] Made accounting illegal in 49 states.

[23:02] Well, it's only in New York do they have one of the Battlefield Earth quick-learning chairs that they can strap in so that a very humble, low-self-esteem alien can teach you accounting fast.

[23:11] Hey, go to FlophousePodcast.com for that stream.

[23:14] Figure out what I'm talking about.

[23:16] And similarly, similarly, because Rachel Bloom, who was Reese Witherspoon's sister?

[23:24] Or friend.

[23:25] Oh, yeah.

[23:26] Honestly, I fell asleep at this part.

[23:27] Another figment.

[23:28] So can you guys – I remembered she was in the movie, but I don't remember.

[23:30] Well, she also has to leave town, so like Jack flies the other way across the country to take care of the kid.

[23:38] There's no local other option other than Rachel – like this Rachel Booth-less white woman.

[23:42] Well, we've established that Dignitaro doesn't exist.

[23:44] That's why.

[23:45] Jack can't stay at Dignitaro's house because she doesn't exist.

[23:48] Yeah.

[23:49] How's she going to give him a bath?

[23:51] I mean he's old enough.

[23:53] He probably takes showers at this point.

[23:55] But Dignitaro – sorry.

[23:57] Rachel Bloom is supposed to watch him for the week, but she gets cast in a role in a movie.

[24:00] She only has – really only has two scenes in the film.

[24:03] But we've also –

[24:05] But she's going to be in the background of a lot of important scenes.

[24:07] You have to downplay her achievement, Elliot.

[24:11] I apologize.

[24:12] You're right.

[24:14] So meanwhile – we should mention that also Ashton Kutcher's girlfriend of six months has broken up with him.

[24:20] Also from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

[24:22] Also another Crazy Ex-Girlfriend cast member.

[24:24] Has broken up with him because their relationship after six months is going nowhere.

[24:27] Broke up with him on his birthday, and he also turned down a job with two surprisingly emotional executives who take the rejection very hard in a scene that is fairly airless.

[24:40] So he's like a consultant guy.

[24:42] Like he doesn't –

[24:43] Social media consultant, right?

[24:45] Yeah, something like that.

[24:46] Like branding consultant.

[24:48] Branding is his thing.

[24:49] And so Ashton Kutcher has nothing tying him there.

[24:52] He has no job.

[24:53] He has no girlfriend.

[24:54] Why not fly cross-country and watch his friends kid for a week?

[24:57] He barely has fucking furniture.

[25:00] Yeah, his apartment is very empty.

[25:02] I wish they had gone all the way and had him have a garbage can that was just a plastic shopping bag hung on a cabinet knob because I feel like that's the sign of a bachelor apartment is when all the garbage is going into a plastic shopping bag hung on a cabinet knob.

[25:15] Not in current New York.

[25:16] You can't get a plastic bag anymore.

[25:20] Oh, boy.

[25:21] You have to use a strand tote that is issued to you when you come to the city.

[25:28] Yeah, like I get that to some degree this is to indicate how much they care about one another and how Ashton Kutcher is carrying this torch that he is only maybe partially aware of if at all that he is doing all of this.

[25:44] But it still seems like so much plot machinery that could have been oiled a little bit better let's say to get this – to kick this movie off.

[25:55] All right.

[25:56] Well, let's – so he flies out.

[25:57] She flies back.

[25:58] It's his turn to support her.

[25:59] He mentions how she picked him up at rehab a couple times.

[26:01] She's always been there for him.

[26:02] It's time for him to be there for her.

[26:04] Ashton's first job, picking up Jack from school.

[26:06] He talks to Tig Notaro, again, not evidence that this character is real.

[26:10] He could also be – it could also be their – it's like the child in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

[26:14] It's a shared game that they play when they have a friend who's Tig Notaro.

[26:18] Spoiler.

[26:20] Sorry for anyone who hasn't seen Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

[26:23] Wow.

[26:25] I forgot that Edward Albee, he said, please don't reveal the shocking surprise ending of my thriller Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

[26:33] Audiences will not be seated after the opening of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

[26:37] I mean it's a Broadway play usually.

[26:39] I mean they shouldn't be seated too far into it.

[26:41] I'm thinking of the Mike Nichols film.

[26:42] Oh, the movie.

[26:43] That's right, the movie.

[26:45] So he – Ashton tries to bond with Jack, the kid, by talking about how bad his dad was and how he died drunk in a ditch.

[26:51] Classic way you bond with a young kid right away.

[26:54] Jack reveals that his old friends won't be friends with him anymore because his mom won't let him play on the hockey team with them because she's afraid he'll be injured.

[27:02] So we know what Jack's goal is.

[27:04] Yeah, I slept through this part.

[27:05] This is helpful.

[27:07] Did you also sleep through the – when Ashton meets Steve Zahn's character of Zen, Rika's independently wealthy neighbor who spends most of his time taking care of her garden and playing guitar.

[27:17] This is a character that really doesn't need to be in the movie and I would love for you guys to explain to me why he's in there.

[27:22] I like his style.

[27:23] I like his little vibe.

[27:24] Yeah, I think it's just like –

[27:26] It was all about vibes as it was in last week's video.

[27:29] Do you think he was – he shot this before White Lotus and then after it came out, he was like, can we just cut out my part please?

[27:37] I mean I think I can only imagine they're like, if we have Steve Zahn available, we want to put him in the movie.

[27:44] I mean he's really likable in it.

[27:46] The movie has a couple of side – as many rom-coms do, the side characters are the strong part of the movie.

[27:51] Yeah.

[27:52] And the main characters are not.

[27:53] But Ashton instantly dislikes Zen played by Steve Zahn.

[27:56] Zahn, Zen, it's confusing.

[27:58] Hey, do you guys think on the set they ever called him Zahn by accident on camera and Zen off camera?

[28:04] Did we do this bit?

[28:05] I don't know if we used it.

[28:07] So Ashton, he hates – he's annoyed by all these post-it notes that Reese Witherspoon has left everywhere with instructions.

[28:13] And Reese Witherspoon is – walks around Ashton's big empty apartment and just riffs on his stuff.

[28:18] She's just riffing on the things she finds to nobody.

[28:21] The Comedy Central roast for Ashton Kutcher.

[28:24] That's what happens when you own the production company of the movie is that you can just add scenes like that.

[28:29] Yeah.

[28:30] So Ashton Kutcher, he's a different kind of parent for Jack.

[28:33] He's like, don't do your homework.

[28:34] First, let's watch Alien, which just made me want to watch Alien so badly.

[28:38] It's such an amazing movie.

[28:39] I can't wait to share it with my children.

[28:40] I love that it's also like brightly lit outside while they're watching it.

[28:44] I know.

[28:45] In the middle of the day.

[28:46] It's going to suck.

[28:48] You're not even going to be able to see a lot of it because of the glare through the window on the screen.

[28:51] And Jack reveals some kind of unflattering things that Reese Witherspoon said about Ashton.

[28:55] Everyone thinks of him as a rolling stone.

[28:57] Nothing is holding him down.

[28:58] He can't make commitments or decisions.

[29:00] Just like Papa.

[29:01] Yeah.

[29:02] Where's Papa?

[29:03] Papa Roach.

[29:04] Dan, where's Papa?

[29:05] He's a rolling stone.

[29:06] Papa Roach is kind of a rolling stone.

[29:11] Papa Roach wishes he was in the rolling stones.

[29:15] Arguably, they're still touring.

[29:17] This begins a process of Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher realizing things about each other they didn't know.

[29:22] They thought they knew everything about each other, but there's all these things in their lives that they didn't know about.

[29:27] But they do like each other.

[29:28] He finds a series of cute post-it notes from her thanking him, and she finds a champagne bottle that he got her as a gift.

[29:34] You sound like you're going to say a shit.

[29:36] He finds a shit he loves.

[29:38] He left a big pile of his own shit in his freezer for her and says, polish this turd.

[29:43] Love your best friend, Ashton.

[29:46] Do you guys have any relationships in your life where you're like, this person and I tell each other everything?

[29:52] Because outside of, like, my spouse, I don't think I could say that.

[29:56] That's not even true of my spouse because Audrey is constantly like, you didn't tell me.

[30:00] Why don't you tell me that?

[30:01] I'm like, I'm sorry.

[30:02] I just don't.

[30:03] Dan is a man of secrets.

[30:04] Dan likes secrets, yeah.

[30:05] I'm a quiet person.

[30:06] Dan, have you told Audrey about your second wife that you keep in Ontario?

[30:09] I mean, what would be the point?

[30:11] That's just a backup in case, you know, this one is lost or stolen.

[30:16] Your rom-com movie is called The Backup, and it's about a woman who understands that she

[30:20] is just there in case the other guy's relationship falls apart.

[30:23] She thinks she's okay with that.

[30:25] It turns out she's not.

[30:27] Or the other way around.

[30:28] She falls in love with the guy who has to give her food in the room she's locked in.

[30:32] No, I don't like the idea that this is a rom-com.

[30:34] I don't like the idea.

[30:35] I'd like to turn room into a rom-com.

[30:36] Dan said...

[30:37] Dan said...

[30:38] Kind of like a rancor-keeper.

[30:39] He said, I keep her as a backup, okay?

[30:44] It's true.

[30:45] That's right.

[30:46] Now it's canon, apparently.

[30:49] I'm a horrible monster.

[30:53] So no, also, me, I don't have a relationship like that.

[30:59] Thank you.

[31:00] Thank you.

[31:01] Yes, so Ashton is all like, you know, Jack, your mom sold out her ambitions to take the

[31:07] safe route.

[31:08] And you need to use my branding talk to get with your friends at school.

[31:12] So I'm going to take you to a big hockey game.

[31:14] You're going to use...

[31:15] So were those his old friends?

[31:16] One of them was.

[31:17] Yeah.

[31:18] Okay.

[31:19] And we're going to go to a big hockey game.

[31:20] And you're going to kind of bribe them to be your friends again.

[31:23] Of course, as you guys would imagine, I pulled up on my phone what it would cost to get a

[31:29] last minute suite for an LA Kings game.

[31:32] And it's at least like your bargain basement's like four grand just to give you a concept

[31:37] of the lifestyle porn of this movie.

[31:39] But this is a movie.

[31:41] So Ashton Kutcher has all the money in the world.

[31:42] He has all the things that he needs.

[31:45] And jumping ahead slightly, they go to the luxury box hockey game.

[31:49] Jack's friends aren't interested in talking with Jack.

[31:52] It's a total failure.

[31:53] They don't want to fill him out.

[31:54] It's just they don't want to be his friends anymore.

[31:55] They just want to use him.

[31:56] Yeah.

[31:57] I mean, they had a good time, but not with him.

[31:58] They had a great time.

[31:59] It was a Kings game, free food.

[32:01] I mean, kids love that stuff.

[32:03] Meanwhile, Reese Witherspoon is going to her accounting course because I think I'm not

[32:07] sure...

[32:08] The timeline...

[32:09] I don't even think about the time zones in the movie.

[32:11] They don't quite work exactly right.

[32:13] She goes to her course and then she passes by a literature class where this professor,

[32:17] who reminds me a lot of the chef-testant, Greg, our top chef.

[32:22] Yes!

[32:23] Yes!

[32:24] Yes!

[32:25] That's what I thought, too!

[32:26] And for a minute, I was like, is that him?

[32:27] But it's not.

[32:28] And I don't want this episode to be me mistaking black creative people for other black creative

[32:31] people.

[32:32] I apologize.

[32:33] But he's just talking about thick books and he's like, she's like, yeah, give me some

[32:37] of them thick books.

[32:38] Thick books.

[32:39] Yeah.

[32:40] I like them books thick.

[32:41] Yeah.

[32:42] Like my Godzilla's.

[32:43] I like them thick.

[32:44] That's me.

[32:45] You're doing an impression of me.

[32:46] Yeah.

[32:47] And so she, there's a, I think I skipped over accident because my notes are not as organized

[32:53] as they should be, that the previous night, an ex of Ashton Kutcher's, Minka, played by

[32:57] Zoe Chow, has stopped by the apartment wearing nothing underneath her robe.

[33:02] She seems to be wearing a short robe.

[33:03] Sweatshirt.

[33:04] No, she was wearing a sweatshirt.

[33:05] Oh.

[33:06] Like a hoodie.

[33:07] Yeah, it's like a hoodie dress almost.

[33:08] Yeah.

[33:09] She wants to seduce.

[33:10] I mean, it's pretty cool.

[33:11] It's a cool outfit.

[33:12] I would wear that as an actual outfit.

[33:13] I mean, she looks great, but you would wear underpants underneath it.

[33:15] She looks a little bit like if, she looks like she, if she was on the cover of an Animorphs

[33:20] book, she would be transforming into an otter.

[33:23] And of course you, and otters are sexy animals.

[33:26] They're sleek.

[33:27] They're smooth.

[33:28] They're wet.

[33:29] They have whiskers.

[33:30] They drive like a dream.

[33:31] Elliot's making it way weirder than my car.

[33:34] They kind of hop around when they're out, when they're on land, but in water, it's just

[33:36] kind of like a little torpedo just shooting all over the place.

[33:39] Does it get sexy?

[33:40] They hold hands.

[33:41] They do.

[33:42] They have hands.

[33:43] Yeah.

[33:45] They wrap themselves in clams and things like that with, with rocks.

[33:47] They wrap themselves in seaweed.

[33:48] That's the way I like it.

[33:49] Hmm.

[33:50] Yeah.

[33:51] Okay.

[33:52] So anyway.

[33:53] The narrowing.

[33:54] I like my women.

[33:55] Like, I like my sushi wrapped in seaweed, wrapped in seaweed on top of a bed of rice

[34:03] for more.

[34:04] See the movie rising sun.

[34:05] I just watched it served on a naked woman.

[34:09] What?

[34:10] That's how you like your women.

[34:11] Okay.

[34:12] Yeah.

[34:13] I get it.

[34:14] It's, it gets expensive.

[34:15] You're running into it's a, it's a backups and redundancies.

[34:18] The thing about rising sun, I haven't just watched it as I didn't realize super racist,

[34:23] but it's also very funny to see Sean Connery explained he's cultured during the point in

[34:31] our history where like we were treating the Japanese as if they're a literal like business

[34:36] alien.

[34:37] Yeah.

[34:38] Yeah.

[34:39] Very strange.

[34:40] Anyway, not, not okay.

[34:41] So Minka shows up, she's going to seduce Ashton Kutcher and then she's like, he's not here

[34:45] and I see you need a rom-com snarky sidekick.

[34:47] So that's what I am for you now.

[34:49] And unfortunately taking the taro gets, she's already in the snarky sidekicks.

[34:53] Now this movie has two snarky sidekicks, but as Hallie said, Ashton Kutcher moves over

[34:56] and takes taking the taro.

[34:57] Uh, Zoe Chow is now Reese Witherspoon's snarky sidekick.

[35:00] I bring that up because now it's the next day and Minka is taking Reese out for what

[35:04] she calls fancy drinks and it just looks like they're at the bar at a hotel.

[35:08] But Reese Witherspoon acts like she's been taken to the most exclusive eyes wide shut

[35:13] orgy rich person club in the world.

[35:15] Yes.

[35:16] I was expecting it to be more of like a clubby scene, you know, where she was really like

[35:20] that.

[35:21] Super uncomfortable.

[35:22] But yeah, it just seems like, Oh, this is just somewhat upscale.

[35:27] Like she should be fine.

[35:28] Like she's not unused to like the world.

[35:33] I thought it was very funny that her, like the, the mark of her lack of sophistication

[35:38] was always supposed to be that she wore a jean jacket because my baby wears a jean jacket.

[35:44] Yeah.

[35:45] Also, I'm led to believe that they've come back.

[35:50] Is this true?

[35:51] I don't know.

[35:52] Hallie.

[35:53] Yeah.

[35:54] Yeah.

[35:55] Well, the stories sometimes they come back.

[35:56] They came back and then they went out again.

[35:57] Oh no.

[35:58] It always happens.

[35:59] Uh, but yeah, they're like at some kind of a cocktail bar that looks like in the refurbished

[36:04] like Dumbo area that's over by, uh, like the Chaconis that opened up and the one hotel

[36:09] down by the Brooklyn Bridge.

[36:11] This is extreme narrow casting, extreme regional narrow casting, not just the Dumbo neighborhood,

[36:15] but an area, a specific corner of Dumbo, uh, and they see at sitting at the bar is that

[36:21] literature professor who's going on and on and on about those thick ass books.

[36:26] And also he's sitting with a handsome, as we learn the book editor from a publisher

[36:31] that Reese Witherspoon has read every book from and they go over and introduce themselves.

[36:36] And Reese Witherspoon talks about how she's read every single book that he's, he's edited

[36:39] or published.

[36:40] This should seem weird, but instead he is very attracted because what man is not attracted

[36:45] to a woman who justifies everything about his existence as being super important and

[36:49] fascinating is the thing men are most attracted to is someone else's interest in them.

[36:55] Also, I would say like the, uh, like a, a big indicator of like not a real book lover

[37:01] is when you base your fandom on the publisher.

[37:05] Like you've read everything by a certain publisher, like, uh, well, especially cause all the books

[37:10] that he mentions are completely different from each other.

[37:12] He's like, what about the spy thriller?

[37:14] Yup.

[37:15] What about the dust bowl romance?

[37:16] Yup.

[37:17] He's like the age 24 publishing, I guess.

[37:20] That makes sense.

[37:22] It's the 20 bucks spin of publishing.

[37:26] I mean, I guess you could say, I mean, I am a, I am big into Marvel comics and that's

[37:30] me going by a specific publisher, I guess, but I feel like they've got a fucking hate

[37:35] man.

[37:36] They've also like, I mean like at this point it's all woven in all the characters like

[37:39] that, that shared universe makes it make sense that you're a fan of like this as a brand

[37:44] rather than possible that this editor, Theo played by Jesse Williams, that it is a shared

[37:47] universe publisher where all the books together, you know, it was hard.

[37:52] I mean, it's hard to get the cookbooks in there, but they find a way that he did it.

[37:56] So, uh, and he asks for Reese's number, uh, which is funny to me because when I saw him

[38:01] and the professor sitting together, I assumed that the scene would be that they are gay

[38:04] and Reese tries to hit on them and it turns out they're not interested in her, but that's

[38:07] not the scene that happened at all.

[38:09] That would have been not a great comedy scene, but possibly a comedy scene, but we didn't

[38:13] get a comedy scene out of this comedy.

[38:14] Yeah.

[38:15] There aren't really, there's not much comedy in this rom-com.

[38:18] It's pleasant.

[38:20] There's not much rom.

[38:21] Yeah.

[38:22] There's not much rom.

[38:23] There's not much com.

[38:24] Yeah.

[38:25] And Minka reveals to Reese Witherspoon that Ashton Kutcher-

[38:26] Wait.

[38:27] Yes.

[38:28] Let's figure out what it has.

[38:29] Is it, there's not much rom.

[38:30] There's not much com.

[38:31] There's a little bit of rom.

[38:32] There's not much drum.

[38:33] Very little drum.

[38:34] If that's what you say.

[38:35] Drama.

[38:36] Yeah.

[38:37] Uh.

[38:38] There's a lot of hyphen.

[38:39] It's kind of calm.

[38:40] There's a lot of hyphen.

[38:41] Stuart, is there any crom in it?

[38:42] I fucking wish.

[38:43] Reese is like, hey, I have to, I have to miss class because I need to go.

[38:47] It's a holiday for the crom, for worshipers of crom.

[38:51] This is the day when we celebrate, not that crom gives us anything in life, but merely

[38:55] that he has gifted us with existence and the strength to persevere.

[38:58] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[38:59] It's, the log line would be, it's young, dumb, and full of crom.

[39:04] So, exactly.

[39:08] So Minka says, you know, once I was looking in Ashton Kutcher's oven and I found, he had,

[39:14] I see him for diamonds.

[39:15] A softy little peek behind the curtain.

[39:18] And I found a manuscript that he wrote.

[39:20] He secretly wrote a big novel.

[39:22] And Reese Witherspoon's like, he never told me he wrote a novel, but they tell, we tell

[39:26] each other everything, right?

[39:27] They tell each other everything.

[39:28] So it sounds like it's not everything, I guess.

[39:29] And Reese and Ashton, they're both stressed out by these revelations.

[39:32] They take baths and in split screen talk about it.

[39:35] Reese Witherspoon, she says, you know what?

[39:37] I shouldn't do this.

[39:38] I'm going to start reading this novel.

[39:39] She can't put it down.

[39:40] She even reads it in class, which is crazy.

[39:42] She has like five days of class and she spends one of them reading her friend's novel.

[39:46] Just don't show up.

[39:47] Or I don't know why.

[39:48] This is that important to you.

[39:49] Put it down.

[39:50] She can't.

[39:51] She gives the manuscript to Theo, the editor, and says, well, I edit it freelance.

[39:55] I'm the editor on it.

[39:57] And they learn they're both divorced with kids whose names rhyme.

[40:00] And they're both 13.

[40:02] And they're both, both their kids are 13.

[40:04] Her kid is Jack, his kid is Mac.

[40:06] And this is, in rom-com logic, this means

[40:08] they should of course be together, because

[40:10] they're, I mean, obviously they shouldn't be together.

[40:12] She should be with her best friend, because romantic comedies

[40:14] have taught us a very toxic

[40:16] and dangerous lesson, which is that if you have a crush

[40:18] on your friend, you just have to either wait it out

[40:20] or do something crazy to show

[40:22] them that they should be with you.

[40:24] Wait, Jack? And what's the other kid's name?

[40:26] I think his son's name is Mac.

[40:28] Oh, that's why. Unless it's

[40:30] her daughter and it's Alex Mac, who has a whole

[40:32] secret life.

[40:34] Or secret world?

[40:36] There wasn't 20 years in between,

[40:38] but I did,

[40:40] Audrey and I did sort of

[40:42] briefly date and then become

[40:44] friends and then

[40:46] get married, so

[40:48] uh, you know.

[40:50] Bringing it back to Dan and his

[40:52] relationship. I just, you know, it was called

[40:54] a toxic lesson. We got too far away

[40:56] from it. What Dan is saying is right. If you're out there

[40:58] and you have a crush on one of your friends, if she says

[41:00] she's not interested, wait her out.

[41:02] Wait her out, make it work.

[41:04] Keep pushing. If she says

[41:06] no, that's the flop house

[41:08] message. Keep

[41:10] pushing. Romantic

[41:12] comedies and Dan say, no just

[41:14] means give me a little bit more time.

[41:16] Respect boundaries.

[41:18] No means do a bigger

[41:20] stunt that shows how much you care.

[41:22] I didn't do a stunt.

[41:24] Anyway,

[41:26] Now I'm imagining

[41:28] myself doing a literal

[41:30] stunt to get Audrey to kiss me.

[41:32] I might have jumped this door.

[41:34] Drive a car through a

[41:36] plate glass window. I did it to show you how much

[41:38] I love you. We should be together.

[41:40] So, there's not

[41:42] very much chemistry between Reese and Ashton.

[41:44] What about between Debbie and Theo?

[41:46] Is there chemistry between her and this editor? What did you guys

[41:48] think? Yes.

[41:50] More. More than.

[41:52] I feel like there was more.

[41:54] I was like, who am I supposed to be rooting for?

[41:56] Yeah, exactly. This is a movie that doesn't have easy

[41:58] answers for you. We may just be reacting

[42:00] to the fact that they

[42:02] are in the same room on a date

[42:04] versus in the split screen

[42:06] on the phone. He's beautiful.

[42:08] His eyes are smoldering.

[42:10] Exactly. And he's giving

[42:12] her that look. He is bringing a lot

[42:14] to this. In

[42:16] Auden terms, he is the more loving one.

[42:18] He's bringing a lot

[42:20] of that emotional energy.

[42:22] There's a similar scene reversed

[42:24] with, I don't know if we're

[42:26] at that point yet. We're not, but we can talk about it

[42:28] later on. Peter

[42:30] meets up at a bar on a

[42:32] date with an ex, played by

[42:34] Shiri Appleby from

[42:36] Unreal.

[42:38] Unreal, yeah.

[42:40] She, again, is

[42:42] serving it. She brings that

[42:44] kind of intense energy

[42:46] to the scene. Much more than

[42:48] say, it seems

[42:50] like they have chemistry. I thought at first she was

[42:52] Rumi Mara, and I was like,

[42:54] wow, I can't believe she did Women Talking

[42:56] and now this.

[42:58] Seems like a backslide.

[43:00] They look a lot alike. Hey, everyone's

[43:02] gotta work. You gotta work for a living.

[43:04] That was a short scene, so don't make

[43:06] too much fun of me that I missed

[43:08] it, considering that Hallie also fell asleep

[43:10] for part of the movie. But I don't

[43:12] know why I dragged you into

[43:14] this. But I can't believe I missed

[43:16] Shiri Appleby. I really liked Unreal.

[43:18] Well, the movie's on Netflix. Just go back and watch it.

[43:20] I mean, it cost you nothing. You already paid for the service.

[43:22] I mean, it's not a great scene.

[43:24] Okay, so Ashton

[43:26] But I'm sure Netflix would love the views

[43:28] that they will tell

[43:30] no one about.

[43:32] Ashton tells

[43:34] Jack somewhere between

[43:36] zero and a billion views

[43:38] this got. The most watched thing

[43:40] ever.

[43:42] Netflix is like, hey, guess

[43:44] what? This is the number one watched show on all of

[43:46] Netflix. By the way, it starts playing

[43:48] automatically as soon as you open up the service.

[43:50] And we put it on

[43:52] everyone's phone.

[43:54] You have to opt out of watching this

[43:56] movie. But guess what? It's a huge success.

[43:58] Everyone's watching it.

[44:00] So Ashton tells Jack,

[44:02] hey, the reason I listen to The Cars is

[44:04] because it helps connect me with my terrible dad

[44:06] that was absent for most of my life.

[44:08] And he says, Jack,

[44:10] you need to join the hockey team. And Jack is like,

[44:12] finally, what I've always wanted and hugs him.

[44:14] And guess what? Theo,

[44:16] that publisher, he read the book overnight.

[44:18] He loves it. Wants to talk about the author

[44:20] and take Reese out to dinner.

[44:22] And Ashton

[44:24] convinces the hockey coach to let

[44:26] Jack try out for the team. And Jack tells

[44:28] Ashton he doesn't suck after having a

[44:30] really great tryout for the team.

[44:32] Ashton, he's starting

[44:34] to loosen up a little. I mean, he was supposed to be

[44:36] the loose, anything goes

[44:38] guy, but he's starting to loosen up. He apologizes to

[44:40] Zen, Steve Zahn's character, but he's

[44:42] weirded out when Zen refers to himself as

[44:44] Reese's part-time lover. And again,

[44:46] I can't tell if this is something that is real

[44:48] or if he is reading this into the situation.

[44:50] Yeah, is this

[44:52] another figment of their imagination?

[44:54] Is he not even

[44:56] real also? It would be funny if

[44:58] you just cut to a

[45:00] shot of someone walking by the house and the garden

[45:02] is all overgrown and there's creeper vines

[45:04] all over. It's like we've always lived in the castle.

[45:06] It's all rotted away, but they think

[45:08] that they're imagining that this gardener is taking

[45:10] care of it all this time. There is a scene where

[45:12] Zen is

[45:14] climbing up a window

[45:16] right by Ashton Kutcher's face

[45:18] and he's wearing these

[45:20] very thin harem pants

[45:22] when the sunlight goes right through it

[45:24] and I'm like, I could really use a giant

[45:26] wiener and balls silhouette or something

[45:28] in there. You know what I mean, guys?

[45:30] I mean, it shows you the level of the

[45:32] They stole that from the Fablemans.

[45:34] Yeah, yeah.

[45:36] It shows you that that same joke basically

[45:38] happens twice in The War with Grandpa.

[45:40] This movie is operating on a similar joke level to

[45:42] The War with Grandpa, that someone's

[45:44] crotch is too close to a window that someone else

[45:46] is standing at and they don't like seeing it.

[45:48] Were you talking about the

[45:50] see-through dress in The Fablemans?

[45:52] Yeah.

[45:54] The most beautiful scene.

[45:56] Son, keep filming your mother.

[45:58] Get footage of your sexy mother.

[46:00] We can see her vagina and boobs through her dress.

[46:02] Get footage of this, son.

[46:04] We're going to want this later, come on.

[46:06] And then make a video of it, please.

[46:08] Please. It's the only thing

[46:10] reminding her of her

[46:12] sexy body is the only thing that will

[46:14] help her grief.

[46:16] When your

[46:18] mom's mom died, so we need

[46:20] you to put together some footage of how fucking

[46:22] hot she is.

[46:24] I mean, it would make me feel better.

[46:26] It's like, well, I know that you

[46:28] just lost a parent, but at the same

[46:30] point, you're smoking.

[46:32] I gave you.

[46:34] Look at what she's left behind.

[46:36] Anyway,

[46:38] so the

[46:40] she's weird. So anyway, because Steve's on

[46:42] is like, hey, I figure if I hang around

[46:44] long enough, she'll realize that we should be

[46:46] in love. And if not, I'll be a friend with benefits.

[46:48] And I'm like, but are you really? Like, is

[46:50] that a thing that's actually happening? It doesn't get brought

[46:52] up again. I mean,

[46:54] yeah, it never gets clarified. But

[46:56] the fact, I mean, I

[46:58] thought that there wasn't any relationship.

[47:00] Now that I'm thinking about it, like the fact that Reese never

[47:02] mentioned him

[47:04] to Ashton Kutcher, I feel like does

[47:06] suggest that there was something

[47:08] and she's just kind of hiding it from

[47:10] what do you think?

[47:12] I think he deserves more. You know,

[47:14] like, don't minimize yourself, Zen.

[47:16] Like you're you're an attentive

[47:18] guy. I can only assume an amazing

[47:20] lover. You dress well.

[47:22] You want somebody who wants to be with

[47:24] you. That's what he wants. He wants a garden

[47:26] to tend and she's not going to be that for him.

[47:28] She's just refusing to be that garden. And you know

[47:30] that he's an attentive lover. You know that he prioritizes

[47:32] his partner's pleasure because he spends

[47:34] his whole day tending the garden of someone

[47:36] of his neighbor, someone else. Candide

[47:38] tells us we should tend our own gardens.

[47:40] Which he doesn't do. He

[47:42] makes it very clear. He has a landscaper who works

[47:44] his own garden.

[47:46] I mentioned Candide to my family

[47:48] recently because my kids were making some joke

[47:50] about eating each other's butts or something.

[47:52] And I was like, well, Candide,

[47:54] there is a character who had to eat half of her own

[47:56] butt during a famine to survive. And my wife

[47:58] was like, what?

[48:00] And I'm like, blame Voltaire, lady.

[48:02] I didn't write it.

[48:06] Miss banned books over here.

[48:08] Suddenly the librarian

[48:10] doesn't want her kids to dip into the classics.

[48:12] Oh, interesting.

[48:14] So Reese goes on her book date dinner.

[48:16] They bond over classic novels and

[48:18] quotes. It's all it's very cringy.

[48:20] This was when I really started

[48:22] suspecting that this movie was written by

[48:24] GPT because all of their references

[48:26] were like, you read

[48:28] Faulkner?

[48:30] I believe Mark Twain

[48:32] said that.

[48:34] There's no way Mark Twain said that.

[48:36] Or maybe he did. I don't know.

[48:38] Meanwhile, the other side of the country seems to

[48:40] telepathically sense that something is amiss

[48:42] with Reese.

[48:44] And he

[48:46] doesn't have the time to help Jack with his project

[48:48] on the Spanish-American War, which Jack

[48:50] is supposed to be working on this thing for days.

[48:52] Ashton goes,

[48:54] who was in the Spanish-American War?

[48:56] And it's like, how little research have you done, Jack?

[48:58] Maybe you shouldn't have been

[49:00] watching Alien because you have not been working on this project.

[49:02] Are you allergic to

[49:04] homework too, you little idiot?

[49:06] Wow.

[49:08] Reese and the editor, they accidentally

[49:10] activate the home camera

[49:12] in Ashton's apartment while they start having sex.

[49:14] And Ashton catches a glimpse of it on his phone

[49:16] and is so horrified that he has to

[49:18] hurl his phone away from him and rush

[49:20] off to a bar and call up an ex.

[49:22] Real quick, so

[49:24] do you think that

[49:26] that security system

[49:28] came with the apartment?

[49:30] Because it's a doorman building.

[49:32] Do you think that security system came with the apartment?

[49:34] Because that guy, it's not like

[49:36] he's worried people are going to steal

[49:38] his lack of furniture, right?

[49:40] It doesn't have anything in there.

[49:42] As we see, the doorman spends most of his time

[49:44] just scribbling things on a clipboard.

[49:46] Much like an extra who has not been

[49:48] given that much to do with their character.

[49:52] You're showing a lot

[49:54] of faith in a doorman as

[49:56] a security

[49:58] system, like a single

[50:00] Also, I have a question. Whenever I see someone using an iPad, that, to me, is a marker of

[50:08] like an old person, but is that not how most people feel? Because the security system was

[50:16] on an iPad. The only other person I know who uses an iPad is my father, who's 80 years

[50:23] old.

[50:24] Adam Shadikoff.

[50:25] Hi, Chads. I know you're listening.

[50:26] Oh, hey, Chads.

[50:27] He uses an iPad also?

[50:28] But sorry.

[50:29] Yeah, he loves a tablet.

[50:32] So is that not like a, would you guys, is that an accurate generalization or do you

[50:39] not feel that?

[50:40] I mean, I see a lot of small children using iPads also.

[50:44] Yeah, like really small kids.

[50:47] Wait a minute. That's what the Sphinx meant with her riddle.

[50:50] Exactly.

[50:51] One animal uses an iPad in the morning, uses an iPhone in the afternoon, and uses an iPad

[50:55] again in the evening. It was man. It was man. The city of Thebes can be freed. Oh,

[51:00] finally, we did it. We solved that riddle.

[51:02] Is that what the riddle did? I just recently realized that I'm familiar with the riddle.

[51:06] I have no idea what the surrounding bonus is.

[51:11] You know Oedipus, right? The guy who married his mom?

[51:13] Sure.

[51:14] Before that play.

[51:15] I call him Rex.

[51:16] He knows him. I call him Rex. We named him after the dog, Rex.

[51:21] The dog?

[51:24] The backstory of that play is literally that he went to Thebes and answered the Sphinx's

[51:28] riddle and saved Thebes. And so it's like, that's the same dude. So it's like, oh, he

[51:33] doesn't, they never really brought up how, they don't bring up much in this play how

[51:36] he like outwitted a monster, which would be an interesting thing to do. But anyway, so

[51:43] anywho.

[51:44] What a literary show.

[51:45] Maybe you should marry Reese Witherspoon.

[51:50] Oh, we do both like books. Yeah. Okay. So this is when Ashton...

[51:55] You know about Sphinx, you know about Butts and Candide.

[51:58] Yeah. Oh man, me and, me and we have everything in common. She loves that stuff too.

[52:01] How do you feel about Mementos, or as Ashton Kutcher's character calls them, Mentos?

[52:05] Okay. So this is another thing. Ashton Kutcher, it's been established, hates Mementos. He

[52:09] keeps saying they're his least favorite kind of Mento, which we'll play in later.

[52:12] And movie.

[52:13] Yeah. But the thing is, he likes Memento, but he comes up with kind of a BS explanation

[52:17] as to who the characters are and what they're doing.

[52:19] It all exists in his brain.

[52:20] Yeah, exactly. It all exists in his brain, much like Tig Notaro in this movie.

[52:23] So this is when Shiri Appleby comes in and he's called her up and she's like,

[52:27] why don't we come to my place? And he's like, eh, I'll just go home instead.

[52:31] And he then goes home.

[52:33] Which is the same thing he did to the bartender. So he shows up and he's like,

[52:37] bartender's like, what do you have? He's like, I'd love a double Johnny Black,

[52:41] but I'll actually have this. And he did the same thing to her because by

[52:46] giving her a booty call, he's like, I'd like to have sex with you, but I'm not going to.

[52:50] Is that how you prefer people to order their drinks? Like to have like a

[52:54] joke order before they tell you what they're actually ordering?

[52:58] I love it more than anything. I love it when customers do bits with me.

[53:02] All bartenders work all day on their feet, but Stu likes it when his patrons keep him on his toes.

[53:06] So come on in, order something and change it at the last minute. He loves that.

[53:10] Ashton goes back and talks to imaginary friend Tig Notaro about how when he met

[53:14] 20 years ago, he fell instantly in love with her and meant to tell her how he felt.

[53:20] But he was, I guess, what, intimidated or something? So he waited a couple of days.

[53:25] And then when he saw her again, she was with a boyfriend. So he didn't say anything.

[53:28] And by the time he was ready to tell her how he really felt again, she was pregnant.

[53:32] And Tig Notaro was like, why don't you just tell him, tell her now how you feel.

[53:36] And he's like, I can't do it. It's too big a risk. I can't do it.

[53:38] I thought that the spring that winds you up had finally gone down.

[53:50] No, I was like, you know what? I've been interrupting them a lot. Let me let them

[53:54] talk instead of silencing them. Well, I mean, there's no indication we had anything to say.

[54:00] I guess that's a confirmation that you need to talk as much as you do.

[54:04] That's what you just taught me. So you're going to reap the whirlwind on this one.

[54:08] It was confusing. My brain didn't know how to parse you not saying words.

[54:12] Next. No, I've learned my lesson. I should just keep talking until you force me to stop.

[54:16] Next day, Reese Witherspoon wakes up late for her final,

[54:18] yet somehow still finishes it before some of her classmates.

[54:21] Can I point out she so she wakes up late for her final. She wakes up in bed with Theo and

[54:26] he's like, you're late for what? And she makes up a story. But the thing is, when she first met him,

[54:31] he was with that professor and he was like, I remember you from my class.

[54:35] She doesn't have to lie. That's true. Why is she lying?

[54:38] Also, at this point, we've skipped a thing that like I wanted to

[54:42] point out just in terms of like how bad you did have something to say before

[54:46] how bad this movie is about being either a New York or an L.A. movie. There's a point at which

[54:51] like they're out there talking and they talk about some poem about the Brooklyn Bridge or whatever.

[54:58] They're like walking in Dumbo, Brooklyn Bridge Park. Like it's very recognizable if you live

[55:03] in New York where they're at. And like she's talking about Brooklyn Bridge and he's like,

[55:08] yeah, but that's one thing. That's the Manhattan Bridge. And like,

[55:11] guys, like the Brooklyn Bridge is also visible. You just passed it right near you. Like,

[55:16] yeah, what is going on? Well, that's him. That's him gaslighting her and playing the game.

[55:21] You know, he's got to nag her a little bit, I guess. So he's been doing nothing but compliments

[55:25] time to time to take her down a peg. I don't like it. I don't know.

[55:27] Wait, but back to Stewart's observation about the classes that she was taking.

[55:32] So she was not in this English professor. So when the professor says you were in my class,

[55:38] he's just remembering it wrong. Right. That's why I remember remembering seeing her.

[55:43] But wouldn't it be way fucking lamer if you were like a legit editor of books and you were taking

[55:50] like English professor like one on one class? Like that would be very if you were using. Yeah.

[55:58] I think it would be cooler to be taking an accounting class.

[56:01] I agree. I have to because because you're learning the business side of your business,

[56:05] which is only going to help you. I mean, that's a that's a good thing to do. I have two

[56:08] possible explanations. One is that she she could say, I only edit thin books. I was taking I was

[56:15] in your thick books class. I'm learning about thick books. I worked with with thin books.

[56:20] I majored in thin books. I majored in thin books. The journalist and the murderer.

[56:25] Quick books. And she's like, that sounds like an accounting thing. Like, no, no,

[56:28] no. I hate accounting. No accounting is quick books. Yeah. And and also he's so into her.

[56:33] I think he's kind of not really doesn't really care. He doesn't really care about

[56:38] story checks out. Yeah. She's worried he might have post-nut clarity.

[56:42] Wow. Ask your ask your doctor if you're suffering from post-nut clarity.

[56:49] I've never heard that phrase. Oh, well, cool. You're not in the same chat rooms as Dan.

[56:56] Dan's not the one who said it. What's going on now? I want to see. Now I want to see that as

[57:03] a concept in in in porn, in porn videos, instead of ending when the sex is over,

[57:07] the sex finishes and then the guy goes, oh, hold on a second. I have some bills I have to pay.

[57:12] It came to me to answer to the equation I've been working on for years.

[57:20] That's finally I can I can solve that last theorem.

[57:25] But she she decides she wants to thank Ashton for what he's done for and letting her stay there.

[57:31] So she goes out and buy like a bunch of houseplants and rugs and pillows. And her

[57:36] from a street vendor like that is just as impersonal as he is,

[57:40] like his looks like one kind of Airbnb. Hers looks like a different kind of Airbnb.

[57:44] And the editor asked her out again, but she finds another package hidden in Ashton's house.

[57:49] It's an envelope full of mementos of her, but he hates mementos, not meant. It's an envelope full

[57:54] of mentos, the Freshmaker. And she used it to sneak into backstage at a concert and to have

[57:59] a car moved by a bunch of big guys. Oh, man, that fucking flip my wig when I saw that shit

[58:05] the first time. You can just have dudes pick your car, but move it. OK, man, did I have I

[58:10] got to get this candy? And I said on the podcast, the mentors commercial that I that I have been

[58:15] that I always wanted to do that I came up with when I was a teenager.

[58:18] Whereas this is this is if I if I've talked about for the podcast, I apologize. Pretend this is like

[58:23] the late Gilbert Gottfried on his project podcast talking about old ladies in Hollywood with their

[58:27] sex champs story he told many times. But this is where you see a guy who's at a parade and he can't

[58:33] see over the crowd in front of him. He's like, oh, he's so frustrated. He can't see over them.

[58:37] And then he eats a mentos and comes up with an idea. And then he runs up the stairs to a tower

[58:42] and then picks up a sniper rifle. And he shoots President Kennedy. And then the police burst

[58:49] through the door and he turns around and shows the mentors and they're all like, oh, he did it.

[58:53] That's a really good idea. That's it. If I worked at SNL 30 years ago,

[58:58] that would be my parody commercial that I would do nowadays. That's like

[59:01] rife for like adult swimmers. It's fine. They still do 30 year old reference.

[59:05] Oh, I should get that job. That's where I should be working. OK, anyway,

[59:09] he has all these mementos. It's all stuff from their relationship over the years, including

[59:14] a poker chip from the night they met. And she has a poker chip from the night they met.

[59:18] They both kept one. What would that mean? And what are the odds?

[59:24] Yeah. Yeah. Because of gambling. Let that one sit for a minute. Let that one sit for a minute.

[59:28] The prestige. And Minka says to Reese, she's like, obviously you love Ashton and you always

[59:36] have. You have to do it. And she always says you have to take a chance. And Reese goes,

[59:40] I don't take chances, which is she's already gone cross country to take an accounting course

[59:45] so that she can make a big change in her career. Like she is taking a chance.

[59:49] Like you've seen her take chances. Is this a scene where she's like,

[59:52] I don't I don't want to roll the dice. And Minka's like enough with the poker.

[59:56] Yeah, that was funny. And I wanted them to go a little bit farther and have her say and have.

[1:00:00] make a joke about how there's no dice in poker but they they didn't uh well wait and there's

[1:00:05] no crying in baseball i've been doing it all wrong all these years and uh cry baby kaelin

[1:00:13] they call him he couldn't see the ball because it was the tears in his eyes uh in a cab reese

[1:00:24] just flips through photos of her and ashton and just remembers the night they met and how hot it

[1:00:29] was not as hot as your mom dancing in car lights in the woods in a see-through dry mom how dare

[1:00:34] you get your name get her name out of your mouth no i'm sorry the dad is just like son son record

[1:00:45] this we need to do emotional damage to you somebody made like a fan cam out of that with

[1:00:50] some kind of like uh you know like sexy song yet uh probably

[1:01:05] i'd like to move it move it which would be a funny song for that scene

[1:01:08] see we're all ready for this now what is this this is haley's song

[1:01:23] i think this was like the year i studied abroad that that was like became burned in my head as

[1:01:28] like the party song this is an actual song do you guys not get that reference because i sing it to

[1:01:34] my uh child every friday i'm not familiar unless does does it are there any appearances by any

[1:01:41] appearances by a benga bus in that song no but okay so the banger is not coming no but it's got

[1:01:48] the it's got the benga rhythm okay then i'm not familiar with it okay uh and the editor at this

[1:01:54] dinner he's like reese witherspoon i've got to tell you i put you up for a job at a publisher

[1:01:59] and i think you got it you got you got an interview there and i would hire you at my publisher but if

[1:02:04] we're gonna have a relationship we shouldn't be working together which is very ethical and he and

[1:02:07] he pitches it pretty well like he's like even if we don't have if there's any idea that we might

[1:02:14] explore this like yes he actually pitches and he's looking at her with those big eyes the whole time

[1:02:19] and i'm like damn girl beautiful eyes he's a he's a great great catch for her and this is intercut

[1:02:25] however with jack playing in his first hockey game and getting injured oh no so reese is like

[1:02:32] i'm sorry i think i'm in love with somebody else love it's so crazy right and then she gets that

[1:02:35] phone that phone call where ashton kutcher is like uh jack's in the hospital he got hurt playing

[1:02:39] hockey and she's like what and she gets so mad she demands to talk to her son which i understand

[1:02:44] you'd want to talk to your son in that moment and he's like mom i had such a great week i saw alien

[1:02:48] i got to play hockey it was wonderful but she's just so mad that he might be injured and she yells

[1:02:52] at ashton and she hurries home right away and where does she tell them not to be there when

[1:02:58] she's there and she goes don't be don't be there when i get there leave like i want my child to

[1:03:02] leave him alone exactly i nobody needs to leave our shared delusion tig notaro can watch him i

[1:03:09] guess while you're away uh and so they they meet up they bump into each other at the airport

[1:03:15] standing in for lax which it is clearly not if you've ever been to lax unless they've got a new

[1:03:20] new uh terminal and they bump into each other seeing a mural for the will rogers state park

[1:03:26] which is a great state park it's a beautiful beach okay yeah but it's but that mural doesn't

[1:03:31] exist in lax not as far as i know i mean the lax just everything about it looks different than that

[1:03:35] than that uh uh then they don't have any dia honestly that looked like the denver airport

[1:03:41] that's what i thought maybe i thought maybe it was filmed there but i mean why would they go

[1:03:46] i'm sorry i mean it's all glass windows and then it has those escalators or the people movers yeah

[1:03:53] yeah if it was lax they'd be having this conversation outside of what the ford fuel

[1:03:58] station or whatever exactly or the or the lemonade uh place or whatever it's called or

[1:04:04] and then i mean the only uh things that are what are they called we don't know people movers are

[1:04:11] like the list is how he's taking two hands and just kind of moving them past each other they're

[1:04:15] not they're not moving sidewalks or people movers but they're not next to each other like

[1:04:21] the two that are going different directions are on opposite sides of a wall and there are

[1:04:27] are no windows unlike dia where they're they look exactly like bragging about how good your airport

[1:04:34] is sorry not sorry we were watching battlefield earth uh we were i was like oh we need hallie

[1:04:42] here to tell us how accurate this is to colorado takes place in denver it takes place in the year

[1:04:46] 3000 i didn't know that yeah oh i gotta see it i've been i've been to the year 3000 i guess i'll

[1:04:55] just i'll buy a ticket to your chat go to podcast.com stream and you can see that you can

[1:05:01] see the show it's a fun show uh they they bump into each other they get mad at each other she's

[1:05:07] mad at ashton ashton's mad at her and they yell at each other and separate until reese trips and

[1:05:12] drops her poker chip memento and that is what turns her around and ash she goes ashton wait

[1:05:18] she doesn't say ashton that's not his character that'd be wild if she did that right and uh

[1:05:23] ashton goes i'm so mad at you because i love you so much and she's like oh so you love me

[1:05:27] he goes no i don't love you i'm overwhelmingly in love with you no he didn't say overwhelming

[1:05:32] he says i'm madly in love with you but he has a couple other words in there too right

[1:05:36] yeah yeah he says i've loved valora compassion for you but uh and uh they may and they start

[1:05:45] making out right there in the middle of whatever crimes i have a sea of love for you no that's the

[1:05:51] best part was when you said when she goes does this mean we're not going to be friends no debbie

[1:05:57] we're not going to be friends he sold the shit and then he smushes his lips right on her lips

[1:06:02] and she's like no i did not never mind wow the thing is that like this i don't know the it just

[1:06:11] it didn't work for me i'm sorry gay no of course not it didn't at all you're right at all it's

[1:06:17] totally there's no there's no feeling that they should be together at all yeah and and like i

[1:06:22] feel like the actors are like oh i guess i gotta play it this way huh like i don't know it feels

[1:06:28] i mean there's there's a there's a kind of passion between the characters that's missing

[1:06:32] and like i've seen you've seen movies where characters are mad at each other and then

[1:06:35] suddenly they're mad they're it's because they have this passion that's welled up and they start

[1:06:39] making love to each other like that happens in movies and you buy it but in this one it feels

[1:06:43] so like it just feels very artificial you know it feels uh very uh forced but anyway 50 maybe i'm

[1:06:49] wrong because 15 minutes later as the text tells us they're walking out of the airport holding hands

[1:06:53] and then the text comes up again six months later and we're told in text that ashton's book has been

[1:06:59] published in six fucking months come on six months later the book because it's just that good dan it's

[1:07:04] just that good i mean it's not publishing is runs very very slow it takes a long time but they

[1:07:10] stopped the presses in malaysia on all on whatever stephen king's new book is that they could print

[1:07:15] out uh peter coleman's book yeah james patterson is pissed i had 10 books coming out this year now

[1:07:23] i only have nine books coming out this year uh the one of the things is the uh so the text is

[1:07:29] telling us updating us uh on what has happened in the intervening time he's moved in reese is a is

[1:07:34] an independent editor now and they specify they'll they'll say specific things and then it'll specify

[1:07:40] in ellipses which character it applies to and i'm like yeah no shit i didn't think reese witherspoon

[1:07:46] was doing a lot of hockey yes they they were worried we're not watching the movie a lot

[1:07:51] and then uh that was one of the jokes in the movie that was one of the 10 jokes

[1:07:58] there's no actual to them by that point what's weird about it says six months later and it's

[1:08:01] showing us this over text over a shot through their window of them just being in their house

[1:08:06] there's no scene here they don't say anything and then the camera pulls away and the text is like

[1:08:11] and they lived happily ever after just kidding marriage is hard but they had a happy life it

[1:08:15] was like movie it was like the end of thor ragnarok where i was like movie you're over

[1:08:19] end there's no we don't need more movie at this honestly i kind of likes both of them saying they

[1:08:24] live happy ever after no marriage is hard because like that is a problem with rom-com it's just like

[1:08:29] it ends like it's like and now at the moment of purest happiness we're going to pretend that like

[1:08:35] this will last forever yeah i'm glad that the movie maintained a steady uh level of realism

[1:08:42] you want to be like they fought so hard for it for the for the whole movie why why blow it now

[1:08:50] for the pearl in the sea of gritty oysters that the movie has served me you want it to be like

[1:08:57] the buster keaton movie i think it's i do but i can't remember which one where he gets the girl

[1:09:01] at the end he finally wins her and then it fades to black and it fades up to them as old people who

[1:09:05] hate each other and then it goes to the end that's a good gag yeah this this the same way

[1:09:11] that uh i think it's in cops where he's right he's trying to get the girl and he fails to get

[1:09:15] her at the end and then it cuts to a tombstone with his hat on it that says the end it's like

[1:09:20] why are you leaving us on a down note wow the show cops he was arrested

[1:09:26] on bad boy

[1:09:31] call him the great stone face guys so that was uh your place or mine uh it's a romantic comedy

[1:09:39] with as we're saying not some a little bit of rom not so much calm but let's give our final

[1:09:44] judgments on it shall we uh yes this is a good bad movie a bad bad movie a movie we kind of like

[1:09:52] i'm gonna say it's a bad bad movie however it does serve its purpose as a netflix release which

[1:10:00] It's a thumbnail to fill that screen.

[1:10:01] Something mildly pleasant to have on while you're doing chores around the house.

[1:10:07] Yeah, even if there's nobody talking, there's probably a car song playing.

[1:10:10] Yeah, you'll follow the plot because there'll be no surprises.

[1:10:14] It'll be okay.

[1:10:15] It was very funny watching it.

[1:10:16] I watched the first half of the movie with Danielle,

[1:10:19] and the second half I watched on my own.

[1:10:20] And the first half, Danielle's like,

[1:10:22] oh, and now she's going to give the manuscript to the editor,

[1:10:25] and he's going to be mad about it because she did it without asking him,

[1:10:27] but she did it anyway, and that's good.

[1:10:29] I was like, oh, have you seen this movie already?

[1:10:32] And she was able to just connect those dots so easily.

[1:10:35] I would also say it's a bad, bad movie, but it's not a painful movie.

[1:10:38] But yeah, it's kind of like a, it's like an HGTV movie.

[1:10:45] Like you throw on an HGTV show, and you're like,

[1:10:47] this is not a show that's doing much for me,

[1:10:50] but it is filling the time between now and death

[1:10:53] in a way that it's not disgusting or unpleasant or, you know.

[1:10:59] Yeah, I'm stuck in this hotel room.

[1:11:01] I guess this episode of Pawn Stars will get me through the day.

[1:11:04] Exactly.

[1:11:05] Yeah, I guess I'm with you both.

[1:11:08] I will say that I like a lot of romantic comedies.

[1:11:12] I liked a lot of the supporting characters,

[1:11:16] and they brought a little bit of life to an otherwise fairly dreary,

[1:11:20] exposition-heavy movie.

[1:11:22] So yeah, bad, bad.

[1:11:23] You wonder, how would this movie be different

[1:11:25] if it was like Zoe Chow and Jesse Williams as the leads?

[1:11:29] Not doing the exact same characters as Reese Witherspoon and Asha Kutcher,

[1:11:32] but like putting the characters who have like a more of a spark about them.

[1:11:35] But maybe it's because when you're in one of those supporting roles,

[1:11:38] you have more to prove.

[1:11:39] Like this could be a big break for your career

[1:11:41] as opposed to just the next movie you're pumping out.

[1:11:44] And I wonder if that's why those roles often are like,

[1:11:46] are the breakout roles because the person who has them

[1:11:48] has more of an incentive to like make something of it.

[1:11:50] Hallie, what was your judgment?

[1:11:52] Okay, guys, I'm coming down hard.

[1:11:55] I have a lot.

[1:11:56] I've held it back a little bit,

[1:12:00] but I want to say what I think.

[1:12:02] I think this is a bad, bad movie, and I was offended by it.

[1:12:06] And the reasons why are...

[1:12:08] Tell us, tell us.

[1:12:10] Because it was so...

[1:12:12] Like if you're going to be bad, be bad in a certain way.

[1:12:16] Like be bad with character.

[1:12:17] Like what was that movie that we watched with...

[1:12:20] Oh, Me, You, Madness?

[1:12:21] Yes, exactly.

[1:12:23] Be bad that way.

[1:12:24] But if it's a movie, especially if it's a movie, not a TV show,

[1:12:28] like it made me so angry that this movie was so generic,

[1:12:32] despite having these big stars, like really the fact...

[1:12:36] And it made me even more angry because before I saw this movie,

[1:12:39] I heard an interview with Eileen Rush McKenna,

[1:12:43] who was talking about how like one of her...

[1:12:47] Like one of the skills that she learned

[1:12:48] when she was making this network show for...

[1:12:52] When she was doing Crazy Ex-Girlfriend was like,

[1:12:55] she became very flexible about like making things cheaper.

[1:13:00] And then when I was watching this movie,

[1:13:02] I was like, why did you make this so cheap?

[1:13:04] Like if it's going to be a movie,

[1:13:06] just like pay for it to be a fucking movie and don't have like...

[1:13:10] We've obviously talked a lot about how this...

[1:13:13] Like both cities were like completely drained of character,

[1:13:15] but like the charm of like shitty B-movies

[1:13:19] is that it actually gives you like a sense of character

[1:13:22] of the place that it's set in because it's so budget.

[1:13:27] But this was just like a sad...

[1:13:31] Like it made me really sad about like what our goals are

[1:13:34] in making movies in the future.

[1:13:37] And I also will say,

[1:13:40] okay, I thought like Ashton Kutcher

[1:13:43] was way better than Reese Witherspoon in this movie.

[1:13:46] Did you guys not think that?

[1:13:47] Because I believed Ashton Kutcher

[1:13:49] and like maybe Reese Witherspoon was given the heavier lift

[1:13:53] of like the totally nonsensical plot twists.

[1:13:57] But like, because like that whole thing about like,

[1:14:01] I found this thing in his oven.

[1:14:03] I can't talk about it with him, but I can't read it.

[1:14:06] Like, I feel like that was the level,

[1:14:12] the way that was used as this huge plot device

[1:14:17] felt so inauthentic that it made her seem bad.

[1:14:22] And I was like, wait,

[1:14:24] but I've seen her in so many things where I really liked her.

[1:14:27] So why am I believing Ashton Kutcher

[1:14:30] so much more than I'm believing Reese Witherspoon?

[1:14:32] Is Ashton Kutcher better?

[1:14:34] And I don't think that that's necessarily true

[1:14:37] because she has been good in so many things.

[1:14:40] But this did not highlight.

[1:14:43] I think my theory on that is that Reese Witherspoon

[1:14:46] and Ashton Kutcher are both giving

[1:14:47] kind of the similar levels of energy.

[1:14:49] But Ashton Kutcher, like you're saying,

[1:14:51] is being asked to do less.

[1:14:52] He has a character who can coast on charm

[1:14:54] and her character cannot coast on charm.

[1:14:56] Like it's not that kind of character.

[1:14:57] You can just drive his fancy rental car.

[1:14:59] I will also say two other things,

[1:15:00] which is like you expect more out of her.

[1:15:03] Whereas like, look, I mean,

[1:15:05] I have fond enough feelings towards Ashton Kutcher,

[1:15:08] but I'm not like, this is like,

[1:15:09] I'm not generally like,

[1:15:10] oh, this is like an actor's actor.

[1:15:12] But all I was looking for just was like authenticity.

[1:15:14] I believe it.

[1:15:15] It wasn't like I was expecting some great performance,

[1:15:17] but I was like,

[1:15:19] this Reese Witherspoon looks silly in this movie

[1:15:21] and she looks like she's acting

[1:15:23] versus Ashton Kutcher who was like,

[1:15:25] yeah, I believe that there's this fucking

[1:15:27] stupid kind of dude.

[1:15:28] Well, the other thing I wanted to say is

[1:15:30] I do think that like she's given a harder lift

[1:15:32] because Ashton Kutcher's given a very simple,

[1:15:36] likable thing to play,

[1:15:37] which is like, he's going to come into this life

[1:15:39] and he's going to provide something for this child

[1:15:42] that the kid has been missing.

[1:15:44] Like this looseness of the kid has been missing

[1:15:46] and that is like relatable and understandable

[1:15:50] in a way that like, you know,

[1:15:52] she's off having misadventures

[1:15:54] that don't really add up to much.

[1:15:56] Well, I don't know.

[1:15:57] But also this is something,

[1:15:59] I guess this is a larger problem with movies

[1:16:00] is that anytime there's a character

[1:16:02] who is anxious and protective

[1:16:05] and a character who is like,

[1:16:06] hey, roll with the punches.

[1:16:08] Let's just live.

[1:16:09] That second character

[1:16:10] is always going to be proved right.

[1:16:11] I think the only movie I can think of

[1:16:13] where someone takes the responsible choice

[1:16:15] is like A Thousand Clowns, maybe.

[1:16:18] Kramer versus Kramer.

[1:16:20] Oh yeah, I guess.

[1:16:21] I don't know exactly if that's like,

[1:16:23] I mean, he's a responsible character,

[1:16:24] but I know if Meryl Streep is just going to like,

[1:16:25] hey, loosen up, live and let live character in that.

[1:16:28] I mean, she kind of has a breakdown and runs away.

[1:16:30] But yeah, but it's right off the bat.

[1:16:33] She doesn't take the kid back.

[1:16:34] No, that's true.

[1:16:36] But very few, okay.

[1:16:38] But the majority of movies

[1:16:39] are all about how you've got to loosen up.

[1:16:41] And so she right off the bat

[1:16:43] also is playing a character

[1:16:43] who you know is going to be proven wrong.

[1:16:46] His character is maybe going to learn

[1:16:47] a little bit more responsibility,

[1:16:48] but he doesn't really.

[1:16:50] He's proven right.

[1:16:50] Because every chance he takes with Jack

[1:16:53] turns out fine.

[1:16:54] Even when he gets injured, it's fine.

[1:16:55] He's not really hurt badly.

[1:16:57] And so to have a character like Reese Witherspoon,

[1:16:59] where you know from moment one,

[1:17:00] the movie is telling you her arc

[1:17:02] is to learn how to take chances and not be safe.

[1:17:05] And that Ashton Kutcher's arc

[1:17:06] is to be less self-involved, I guess.

[1:17:09] But he's not particularly self-involved.

[1:17:10] Like, we never see him being.

[1:17:11] He keeps saying, I'm a real piece of shit.

[1:17:14] But he's not.

[1:17:14] He doesn't do anything particularly.

[1:17:16] He's not cheating on his girlfriend

[1:17:17] in the beginning.

[1:17:17] He's not making sloppy shakes or anything.

[1:17:19] He's just not ambitious.

[1:17:21] But so it's, so she has a,

[1:17:23] she has a, they've given her a hard challenge.

[1:17:25] But I think Hallie, you're right.

[1:17:26] You're so right about the genericness of it.

[1:17:28] And I feel like the most damning thing

[1:17:29] I can say about the movie

[1:17:30] is that like the word content

[1:17:32] to mean our entertainment

[1:17:34] or artistic creative stuff.

[1:17:36] This movie is content.

[1:17:37] Like it's not, you know, there's no,

[1:17:39] it doesn't feel like there's any sense of like,

[1:17:42] like artistic inspiration or anything.

[1:17:43] It's just kind of like, hey, let's end.

[1:17:44] And I apologize to the creators of the film.

[1:17:47] If they were like, we worked hard on that.

[1:17:48] It's a special story to us.

[1:17:50] But it comes off as.

[1:17:50] And we were hoping to hire Elliot.

[1:17:52] Please still do.

[1:17:53] We were, we were, we had the phone in our hand.

[1:17:56] And then we thought, wait,

[1:17:58] this podcast just popped up.

[1:18:00] But yeah, before I call Elliot,

[1:18:01] let me listen to the most recent episode

[1:18:03] of this podcast.

[1:18:03] I dialed every number except for the last number.

[1:18:06] And then they changed the number,

[1:18:08] which goes to Tony Gilroy instead of you.

[1:18:09] No, no.

[1:18:10] And Tony Gilroy is like.

[1:18:11] Do you know that you have the exact same number

[1:18:13] except for that last one.

[1:18:14] I know.

[1:18:14] And meanwhile, Tony Gilroy's podcast,

[1:18:15] he's like, I loved this movie.

[1:18:17] I loved it.

[1:18:18] It was great.

[1:18:19] But the interview that I heard,

[1:18:21] like it made me really sad

[1:18:22] because I, in retrospect,

[1:18:24] it didn't make me sad

[1:18:24] when I was listening to it.

[1:18:25] But it was like she was,

[1:18:27] she was talking about how

[1:18:28] this was the first thing

[1:18:29] she had ever directed.

[1:18:31] Yeah.

[1:18:32] And how, you know,

[1:18:34] now she has the experience

[1:18:36] of being a writer director.

[1:18:38] And yeah.

[1:18:38] And it was like.

[1:18:41] Girl.

[1:18:42] Girl, sometimes you get it.

[1:18:43] I was rooting for you.

[1:18:44] We were all rooting for you.

[1:18:45] We were.

[1:18:46] You guys don't get that meme

[1:18:47] because it's America's Next Top Model.

[1:18:50] Tyra Banks meme.

[1:18:51] But for all the ladies out there,

[1:18:53] you got it.

[1:18:54] Or men who watch America's Next Top Model

[1:18:56] or non-binary people

[1:18:57] who watch America's Next Top Model.

[1:18:58] True, true, true, true.

[1:19:00] Anyone who gets that meme,

[1:19:01] you got that.

[1:19:02] As a director,

[1:19:03] you got to kiss a lot of frogs

[1:19:04] is what we're saying.

[1:19:06] But I wonder if it was like,

[1:19:07] I'm a first time director.

[1:19:08] I'm going to take it easy.

[1:19:09] And I wonder if she was

[1:19:10] the Reese Witherspoon as director.

[1:19:11] She was taking it safe

[1:19:12] instead of making big swings.

[1:19:14] Because I feel like the first time director.

[1:19:16] I mean, I think that

[1:19:17] I blame actually Netflix

[1:19:18] because I think Netflix

[1:19:20] makes everything bad.

[1:19:20] Yeah, Netflix is.

[1:19:22] I mean, there was a time,

[1:19:24] you know,

[1:19:24] towards the beginning

[1:19:25] of getting to streaming

[1:19:26] where they had to like

[1:19:26] make a name for themselves.

[1:19:27] So they're like, OK, let's.

[1:19:29] And Roma Roma,

[1:19:30] you know, they still do great.

[1:19:33] I mean, like they still do

[1:19:35] or acquire great stuff

[1:19:37] from time to time.

[1:19:37] But I do think that

[1:19:38] like as now they're big,

[1:19:39] they're just like, OK,

[1:19:40] we just got to keep

[1:19:42] shoveling coal on this thing.

[1:19:45] And we can't pay attention

[1:19:46] to whether it's good coal

[1:19:48] or bad coal, you know.

[1:19:52] What's what's bad coal?

[1:19:56] All coal is pretty bad.

[1:19:57] Yeah, coal is.

[1:19:58] I mean, the good coal.

[1:20:00] Have you seen The Affair? That's a bad Cole.

[1:20:05] For all the Affair watchers out there. You know what she's talking about.

[1:20:11] I remember there were definitely scenes set around Grand Army Plaza maybe and I was like

[1:20:17] oh I've been there.

[1:20:18] No, there were a bunch of scenes set in Greenpoint. There was one set at the Pencil Factory.

[1:20:22] What the fuck? The Affair everybody.

[1:20:26] More narrowcasting. More Brooklyn narrowcasting, yeah.

[1:20:34] Hey there beautiful people. I am your favorite authoress, Tre'Belle Anderson of We See Each

[1:20:38] Other. A black trans journey through TV and film.

[1:20:41] You know this is supposed to be a promo for our show Fans High and not your book, right?

[1:20:45] It's called Multitasking.

[1:20:46] I can't with you right now. Tre'Belle and I have an award winning show called Fans High

[1:20:50] that we both host and it's a podcast where we dig into the complex and complicated conversations

[1:20:55] about the gray areas in our lives.

[1:20:58] Perhaps there is a public figure of some sort and you're like oh that person is so smart

[1:21:02] and so charming but you're also like oh that person gets on my nerves.

[1:21:06] Okay, okay. You can catch us every week right here on MaxFun or wherever you get your slay

[1:21:10] worthy audio.

[1:21:11] And you can watch us on the YouTube every Friday.

[1:21:15] That's Fans High. F-A-N-T-I.

[1:21:21] Since we reached our highest milestone during the MaxFun drive, we are creating a MaxFun

[1:21:26] Foley library full of sound effects from your favorite hosts.

[1:21:30] The whole MaxFun community will be able to use it.

[1:21:33] So what would you like it to feature?

[1:21:36] People high-fiving, walking through mud, chicken clucking, jazz kazoo?

[1:21:41] Head to MaximumFun.org slash Foley.

[1:21:45] That's MaximumFun.org slash F-O-L-E-Y and submit your ideas.

[1:21:52] We're excited to make this silly thing together and even more excited to see what you all

[1:21:57] create with it.

[1:21:58] And thank you again for a great MaxFun drive.

[1:22:02] Oh, hey, you know, in addition to talking about movies and stuff, sometimes we do ads

[1:22:10] and this is one of them.

[1:22:13] You know, our show today is sponsored by Microdose Gummies.

[1:22:17] I don't know.

[1:22:18] Dan is often the pitchman for this because Dan is a user, as am I.

[1:22:21] It is a product that we both endorse.

[1:22:24] Not a user in like the...

[1:22:25] I just didn't know why you had to specify that.

[1:22:27] Like, if you also have the Microdose Gummies, why do you have to go back to IK?

[1:22:31] I'm trying to mix it up.

[1:22:32] I'm trying to say that we're both big fans.

[1:22:35] So Microdose Gummies provide a perfect entry-level dose of THC that helps you feel the right

[1:22:40] amount of good.

[1:22:42] I'm a fan.

[1:22:43] It helps me wind down at the end of the day, it helps me sleep, it helps me feel more creative

[1:22:48] at times.

[1:22:49] They're great.

[1:22:50] I'm a big fan.

[1:22:52] Microdose Gummies are available nationwide.

[1:22:54] To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use the code FLOP to get

[1:23:00] free shipping and 30% off your first order.

[1:23:04] Links can be found in our show description.

[1:23:05] But again, that's microdose.com, code FLOP.

[1:23:10] Have you noticed everyone seems to have a webpage these days?

[1:23:14] I do, yeah.

[1:23:15] Have you noticed this?

[1:23:16] Have you seen this?

[1:23:17] Even me, I've got one.

[1:23:18] You know how I made it?

[1:23:19] I made it with Squarespace, the all-in-one platform for building your brand and growing

[1:23:24] your business online.

[1:23:25] I also think Dan goes to Open Mic Nights at Santa Clubs and does the same ad.

[1:23:30] It's conceptual.

[1:23:31] This is a joke, right?

[1:23:33] It's sort of an Andy Kaufman sort of...

[1:23:36] Do that with a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything.

[1:23:40] Your products, content you create, even your time.

[1:23:43] Now you're selling your time in that like a time that you're devoting to a task.

[1:23:48] One cannot transfer time to another person as in the movie In Time.

[1:23:54] That is science fiction.

[1:23:55] We deal here in life in science fact.

[1:23:58] I'm so glad you're clarifying this.

[1:24:00] Yeah.

[1:24:01] So you can display posts from your social profiles on your website and push website

[1:24:05] content to your social media channels.

[1:24:08] Easy way to make sure your followers see it too.

[1:24:11] Squarespace has powerful blogging tools you can use to share stories, photos, videos,

[1:24:17] updates.

[1:24:18] And every Squarespace website and online store comes with a suite, a whole suite.

[1:24:24] Imagine a suite filled with these integrated SEO features and useful guides to help maximize

[1:24:31] prominence among search results.

[1:24:34] That's search engine optimization.

[1:24:36] Optimization.

[1:24:37] Yeah.

[1:24:38] Head to...

[1:24:39] Not search engine optimist prime.

[1:24:41] No, that would be S-E-O-P, SEOP.

[1:24:44] Head to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[1:24:49] And when you're ready to launch, use offer code flop to save 10% off your first purchase

[1:24:54] of a website or domain.

[1:24:57] We've got a jumbotron for today.

[1:25:00] It's a regular tron.

[1:25:01] Jumbotron.

[1:25:02] But jumbo.

[1:25:03] Thank you.

[1:25:04] We've got a jumbotron, which of course be a jumbotron just for people who live in the

[1:25:07] Dumbo neighborhood of Brooklyn.

[1:25:08] More narrow casting.

[1:25:09] This is a jumbotron.

[1:25:10] Goes nationwide and worldwide and it's from Is This Place Trash?

[1:25:13] Is This Place Trash?

[1:25:14] It's a podcast where Eric and Alexander Dahl read reviews and share stories while determining

[1:25:19] if a place is trash or if the reviewers are just pretentious.

[1:25:22] It's the perfect podcast for anyone who loves business reviews and wants a good laugh.

[1:25:25] So tune in and enjoy the show and who knows, you might even learn something about the world

[1:25:29] of business.

[1:25:30] Just remember, one person's trash is another person's treasure, or in this case, one reviewer's

[1:25:35] trash is another's entertainment.

[1:25:37] Listen and subscribe to Is This Place Trash?

[1:25:39] Today.

[1:25:40] Learn more at www.isthisplacetrash.com.

[1:25:44] Listen on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts.

[1:25:48] And so we move on from this to letters from listeners like you.

[1:25:55] Anthony.

[1:25:56] What?

[1:25:57] Nevermind.

[1:25:58] You're going to tell a story about your husband?

[1:26:01] Oh, okay.

[1:26:02] Let's see.

[1:26:03] Letters.

[1:26:04] They go like this.

[1:26:05] Dear Peaches, while I was catching up on your back catalog, I was thrilled to hear that

[1:26:12] the great awakening preacher, Jonathan Edwards, got a moment of the sun in episode 347, Me,

[1:26:18] You, Madness with Hallie Haglund.

[1:26:21] Edwards was the subject of my master's thesis.

[1:26:23] Hallie Haglund?

[1:26:24] Wait a minute.

[1:26:25] Is that the same Hallie Haglund we have today?

[1:26:26] Yeah.

[1:26:28] It's almost like we're crossing over into this episode.

[1:26:31] Yeah.

[1:26:32] It's part of why-

[1:26:33] Is it for Jonathan Edwards?

[1:26:34] Yeah.

[1:26:35] Yeah.

[1:26:36] Me, You, Madness with Hallie Haglund.

[1:26:37] Edwards was the subject of my master's thesis that I recently completed, and I feel a certain-

[1:26:40] I really thought it was the same Jonathan.

[1:26:43] I feel a certain familiarity with the figure.

[1:26:46] So when Elliot proclaimed that one of the most influential figures of the 18th century

[1:26:50] was also a psychic and paid $400 for haircuts, I was filled with astonishment and dread that

[1:26:56] this new revelation of historical fact has left my own research irrelevant, outdated,

[1:27:02] and simply incorrect.

[1:27:03] Here, I pause the letter to thank Stuart for closing the door so loudly that it was almost

[1:27:08] certainly picked up by the microphones, thus undermining-

[1:27:13] You're welcome.

[1:27:14] We're going to have to scrap it.

[1:27:15] We're going to have to scrap it off.

[1:27:16] Guys, let's take it back to the beginning.

[1:27:17] Secret trip to the bathroom.

[1:27:18] You know what?

[1:27:19] It doesn't have to be a secret.

[1:27:20] Burn down the dance floor apartment.

[1:27:21] We all have new identities now.

[1:27:22] Forget it.

[1:27:23] Psychic or not, I have always thought that Jonathan Edwards would make a great subject

[1:27:27] for a blockbuster biopic, perhaps starring Mark Rylance or Jonathan Pryce.

[1:27:33] My question for you is, what historical figure-

[1:27:35] Botho B.O.

[1:27:36] Jonathan Pryce.

[1:27:37] I'm just kidding.

[1:27:38] I love him.

[1:27:39] He's one of my favorite actors.

[1:27:40] What historical figure or event that hasn't graced the silver screen do you think would

[1:27:43] make a great movie?

[1:27:46] Bonus points if you cast the leads.

[1:27:48] I'll give you a chance to think while reading the postscript.

[1:27:52] P.S. as a Kansas native, I would be remiss not to share my thoughts on Topeka, Kansas.

[1:27:59] My main association with our great capital is the sickeningly greasy stench of the potato

[1:28:04] chip factory that I have to drive past on my way to work in Lawrence, the real gem of

[1:28:10] Northeast Kansas.

[1:28:11] I also noticed during my morning commute that traffic only flows into Topeka, but never

[1:28:16] out of it, proving that no one who can help it would ever live in Topeka.

[1:28:21] Or maybe there's a more sinister, once you enter, you can never leave thing going on

[1:28:26] there.

[1:28:27] Keep on flopping in the free world.

[1:28:28] Alec, last name with L. Now, I would suggest that if it's during your morning commute,

[1:28:32] it's probably just that people from the suburbs are going into Topeka.

[1:28:37] It's not that people in Topeka don't tend to leave en masse to go to their jobs outside

[1:28:43] of the city.

[1:28:45] But I'm glad to hear more thoughts on Topeka, Kansas, because we've kind of we dropped the

[1:28:50] ball a lot.

[1:28:51] And I want to apologize to the listeners.

[1:28:52] For a long time, as you know, this was a movie podcast, then it became a movie podcast where

[1:28:56] people could also share their thoughts about Topeka, Kansas.

[1:28:59] And we've really dropped the ball and got our eye off that ball.

[1:29:02] No wonder we dropped it or I wasn't on it.

[1:29:04] And I'm glad to bring it back.

[1:29:06] Of course, Lawrence, Kansas, we all know, is amazing.

[1:29:09] I've only ever heard good things about Lawrence, Kansas, but Topeka still controversial.

[1:29:13] So if you have thoughts about Topeka, please write into the flophouse and share it with

[1:29:18] us.

[1:29:19] I'd love to do a whole Topeka episode someday, a mini probably, who knows, unless there's

[1:29:22] a movie about Topeka, Kansas.

[1:29:24] Write in and tell me because I don't know.

[1:29:26] Speaking of movies, let's talk about movies based on historical figures, because I've

[1:29:28] got an answer.

[1:29:29] Unless you guys would like to go first.

[1:29:30] Why don't you go first?

[1:29:31] You should go first, buddy.

[1:29:33] Now, a figure that I they had there is a movie made about him that I haven't seen, but I

[1:29:38] would like to see an American movie made about it is Toussaint L'Ouverture.

[1:29:41] Of course, one of the leaders of the Haitian rebellion, one of the few successful slave

[1:29:46] rebellions, the rebellion that turned Haiti from a colony of France into a democratic

[1:29:51] country in its own right.

[1:29:52] They've had their ups and downs since then.

[1:29:54] But the black Napoleon, as he was sometimes called, I think his story would be a fascinating

[1:29:58] one.

[1:30:00] Well, he's already played a revolutionary.

[1:30:03] How about Daniel Kaluuya, huh?

[1:30:05] Well, he'd be great.

[1:30:05] He'd be fantastic.

[1:30:06] Or if it's the older Toussaint Louverture,

[1:30:09] Sterling K. Brown, I think would also do a fantastic job.

[1:30:11] They're both great actors.

[1:30:12] Now, that being said, the movie I've always wanted to make,

[1:30:15] I think I've talked about it before,

[1:30:17] it's a script that I have been working on for a long time,

[1:30:19] is a movie about Chester A. Arthur,

[1:30:21] a president whose story I think is really interesting,

[1:30:23] even though nobody remembers who he is

[1:30:24] except for his mutton chops.

[1:30:25] Who would I cast as him?

[1:30:26] Matt Berry, probably.

[1:30:28] Anyway, what do you guys say?

[1:30:30] I'm going to go with something that has been,

[1:30:32] I find, adapted for a few television things,

[1:30:38] but has not had a movie made about it.

[1:30:41] Growing Pains?

[1:30:43] Yes. It's the tale of, I guess, a family.

[1:30:48] I don't know.

[1:30:48] And that's all there is about it.

[1:30:50] I don't know if there's any premise to Growing Pains

[1:30:53] other than it's a family.

[1:30:55] No.

[1:30:58] So I read the book Arthur and George by Julian Barnes,

[1:31:02] which is a fictionalized version of a real life thing

[1:31:06] about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle,

[1:31:09] helped clear the name of a half Indian lawyer

[1:31:15] who had been accused by people in the neighborhood

[1:31:21] of mutilating animals,

[1:31:22] and they were set on convicting him

[1:31:25] for obvious racist reasons for the most part.

[1:31:30] And Conan Doyle did some of his own investigation,

[1:31:34] taking on the mantle of a detective himself, briefly,

[1:31:39] to help clear the name of this man.

[1:31:42] And it also led to the establishment

[1:31:46] of the Court of Appeals

[1:31:47] to prevent further miscarriages of justice.

[1:31:51] And I just think that that would be,

[1:31:52] it seems like the sort of story that would be catnip

[1:31:56] to a movie maker,

[1:31:57] to have the creator of Sherlock Holmes

[1:32:00] doing some solvent crimes.

[1:32:02] Does it bother you that they haven't made a movie about that?

[1:32:04] But I think they did make a movie

[1:32:06] about when he was fooled into thinking fairies were real.

[1:32:10] A little bit.

[1:32:10] I mean, but he shouldn't have thought fairies were real.

[1:32:14] Like that's dumb of him.

[1:32:18] We can drag Conan Doyle over that.

[1:32:20] Conan Doyle is such a funny character.

[1:32:21] That goes in the jeers section of his Wikipedia page.

[1:32:24] Yeah.

[1:32:25] We really need to start putting those

[1:32:26] on more Wikipedia pages.

[1:32:29] Oh, Hitler's section is a lot.

[1:32:30] Big jeers, big jeers sections.

[1:32:32] Oh no.

[1:32:33] The, that Arthur Conan Doyle,

[1:32:34] as many people have said before me,

[1:32:36] created the character who is all about rational deduction.

[1:32:39] And he was ready to believe whatever nonsense came his way.

[1:32:42] Like he was friends with Houdini

[1:32:43] and how he's like, Houdini,

[1:32:44] I know you have real magic powers.

[1:32:46] And Houdini's like, no, I don't.

[1:32:47] He's like, I know you have to pretend you don't,

[1:32:49] but trust me, your secret is safe with me.

[1:32:51] Arthur Conan Doyle.

[1:32:52] He's a, he's an interesting character.

[1:32:55] Yeah.

[1:32:56] Back in a couple months back,

[1:32:57] I did a trip to San Francisco.

[1:33:01] And while I was there,

[1:33:02] I did a tour of Alcatraz,

[1:33:05] which is now a, what, like a,

[1:33:08] it's a federal park state.

[1:33:10] Yeah, it's a national national park.

[1:33:12] Thank you.

[1:33:13] And one of the things that,

[1:33:15] one of the things I learned is that

[1:33:16] after the prison was shut down of being a prison,

[1:33:19] it was occupied by a group of

[1:33:22] Native American revolutionaries.

[1:33:24] Yeah, part of the American Indian movement, right?

[1:33:26] Yeah.

[1:33:26] And it led to a bunch of changes

[1:33:29] and they were eventually forcefully ejected.

[1:33:32] But it was the longest occupation of US land.

[1:33:36] What, in history or something by,

[1:33:39] and it's, yeah, it was really fascinating.

[1:33:41] It was like, it was like over a year and a half long, right?

[1:33:43] Yeah, it was a long time.

[1:33:45] And after they were ejected

[1:33:51] and everything was cleaned up,

[1:33:53] they ended up bringing people back in

[1:33:55] to kind of redo all the graffiti

[1:33:58] that would like recreate the graffiti

[1:34:00] that was left by the occupiers.

[1:34:03] And now it, yeah, it's,

[1:34:05] I think it's really fascinating

[1:34:06] and not something I knew before going there.

[1:34:10] Hal, you don't have to have something if you don't,

[1:34:12] but if you do, this is your chance.

[1:34:15] All right, this isn't a very good idea,

[1:34:17] but I wanted to provide-

[1:34:19] Let's rub a bank.

[1:34:22] Well, I was just thinking about it.

[1:34:24] Well, I don't actually know the true story of,

[1:34:27] but okay, so, you know, there are all these movies,

[1:34:31] these IP movies about like the inventor of the mop

[1:34:35] and like the inventor of Tetris and all this stuff.

[1:34:37] There was that IP movie about IP Freely,

[1:34:40] the author of the book, The Yellow River.

[1:34:42] Yeah, exactly.

[1:34:43] Shit.

[1:34:44] But I think without knowing the actual origin story,

[1:34:49] I would love to know the origin story

[1:34:51] of the American Girls Collection

[1:34:53] and how it evolved from this sort of like

[1:35:00] educational resource

[1:35:01] that they were trying to teach girls about history

[1:35:04] to like, I don't know,

[1:35:05] just like design a doll that looks like you

[1:35:07] and take it out to the store.

[1:35:10] Yeah, it's kind of like a Build-A-Bear now, right?

[1:35:13] Um, I think that there could be

[1:35:16] some real sinister plot twists in that,

[1:35:20] having not knowing the real story at all.

[1:35:24] That's my answer.

[1:35:24] It's a good idea.

[1:35:25] I remember every time I hear about the American Girl dolls,

[1:35:27] which is frequent in the circles I travel in,

[1:35:31] I think about, there's a book I read once.

[1:35:33] Yeah, you hear people saying,

[1:35:34] Elliot, why do you have so many American Girl dolls?

[1:35:37] Yeah.

[1:35:38] Please put that American Girl doll down.

[1:35:39] Stop what you're doing.

[1:35:40] What are you doing to that American Girl doll?

[1:35:42] Yeah, Tom Petty came in.

[1:35:44] He's like, oh, I thought I liked American Girls,

[1:35:46] but this guy.

[1:35:47] Yeah, he's a ghost at this point, right?

[1:35:50] Yeah, the ghost of Tom Petty was roasting you.

[1:35:54] Yeah, that was a ghost roast.

[1:35:55] Yeah, it's when only ghosts do the roasting.

[1:35:58] Yeah, worst kind.

[1:36:01] There's a book I read years ago

[1:36:02] about Russian writers writing

[1:36:04] about their experiences in America.

[1:36:05] And one of them, he was saying how he saw a sign

[1:36:08] in Times Square that said American Girl Show.

[1:36:09] And this was in the 90s.

[1:36:10] He was like, yeah, this is gonna be hot.

[1:36:13] It's Times Square, American Girl Show.

[1:36:15] And he and his friend went to it.

[1:36:16] And it was only as the lights were going down

[1:36:18] that they realized the audience

[1:36:19] was entirely moms and little girls.

[1:36:21] And then they watched this.

[1:36:22] It was like a pageant of people playing

[1:36:25] different American Girl characters.

[1:36:26] But they had gone in expecting it to be like a strip club.

[1:36:30] I feel like they should have noticed that earlier.

[1:36:34] They were just surrounded by little girls.

[1:36:36] Yeah, it's like in a horror movie

[1:36:38] when you realize you're the only people

[1:36:40] in the tavern that aren't werewolves.

[1:36:42] Yeah.

[1:36:42] Or like when I went to see the circus.

[1:36:46] As a single man, I'm like.

[1:36:48] You were the only single man.

[1:36:49] But you did buy, what were the souvenirs

[1:36:51] we said you bought there?

[1:36:52] Like there's long like fiber optic strands

[1:36:54] that glow and stuff.

[1:36:57] I just wanted to see the circus.

[1:36:58] You want the full experience, I get it.

[1:37:00] Yeah, I mean, the circus doesn't exist anymore.

[1:37:02] You had to see it.

[1:37:03] You wouldn't get another chance.

[1:37:04] This is from Jeff, this letter.

[1:37:06] Hey, Jeff.

[1:37:07] Who writes, Hey, Flop Dog.

[1:37:08] Hey, Jeff.

[1:37:09] Be Jeff.

[1:37:10] That's right.

[1:37:11] That's right, Jeff.

[1:37:12] Hey, Flop Dogs.

[1:37:13] In the spring of 1995, some friends and I

[1:37:16] were driving from Portland, Oregon to Eugene, Oregon

[1:37:18] for a punk show.

[1:37:19] Side note.

[1:37:20] Those things existed at that time.

[1:37:22] Side note, I think it was for the first

[1:37:25] Man is the Bastard show out of California.

[1:37:28] And we passed a movie, Triplex, on the side of

[1:37:32] on the side of the highway that was playing

[1:37:34] Tommy Boy, Bad Boys and Rob Roy.

[1:37:38] This rhyming triplet stuck in my head.

[1:37:40] And frankly, it sounds like a pretty good triple feature.

[1:37:43] So dudes, what's your rhyming triple feature?

[1:37:46] Thanks for all the great listing fun.

[1:37:48] I love that this is not the question that Dan

[1:37:50] sent us ahead of time.

[1:37:51] He said, well, I thought it would be more fun

[1:37:52] to surprise you with this.

[1:37:54] Sometimes I make a calculated, I'm gonna.

[1:37:57] Tim Roth is such a fun bad guy and Rob Roy.

[1:38:01] Oh boy.

[1:38:02] And that's a perfect example of a movie when

[1:38:04] the villain kills a dog and you're like,

[1:38:06] the guy's gotta go.

[1:38:09] I'll give you a little time by choosing a movie

[1:38:11] that's in theaters and building upon that.

[1:38:14] My triple feature will be of air, hair and cocaine bear.

[1:38:21] Yeah, good combination.

[1:38:22] You're going to say Con Air.

[1:38:24] Con Air.

[1:38:24] Well, I mean, that's kind of just a.

[1:38:27] I don't know, a rhyme, but I guess the boys.

[1:38:31] Yeah.

[1:38:31] Yeah, so look, we can go by Madonna Vogue rules

[1:38:38] where she says, come on, come on.

[1:38:40] Let's get to it.

[1:38:41] Strike a pose.

[1:38:41] There's nothing to it.

[1:38:43] Sure.

[1:38:44] Yeah, mine is going to be kind of a slant rhyme.

[1:38:47] It's I'm going to it's Mean Streets.

[1:38:50] Heart beeps.

[1:38:52] And then a movie that doesn't exist.

[1:38:53] And that Paul Schrader's heart beeps.

[1:38:55] And then a movie that doesn't exist.

[1:38:56] Mean Streets, which is about Meryl Streep.

[1:38:58] Just being mean, just being a real, I guess,

[1:39:01] which I guess is just the Devil Wears Prada,

[1:39:02] but instead we would call it Mean Streep.

[1:39:05] Mean Street is pretty good idea for like a,

[1:39:08] you know, being John Malkovich style.

[1:39:11] Like we're just going to take someone.

[1:39:12] Yeah, like build a thing.

[1:39:15] Sorry, Stuart, we're going to.

[1:39:17] Yeah, I was going to do a bad one for everybody.

[1:39:19] So I'm going to do First Man, Thirst and Myth.

[1:39:23] I like it.

[1:39:31] What about this one?

[1:39:32] Okay.

[1:39:33] Toy Soldiers.

[1:39:36] Toy Story.

[1:39:38] A Marriage Story.

[1:39:40] Now, the rhyming aspect just doesn't exist, which is fine.

[1:39:44] That's more of an almost.

[1:39:45] Oh, wait, no, the cops just showed up.

[1:39:47] They're taking us away.

[1:39:49] But that's something for everyone.

[1:39:50] That's something for the whole family.

[1:39:52] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:39:52] You just wanted a wide sort of variety of types of movies that people would enjoy.

[1:39:57] Sure, sure.

[1:39:58] Yeah.

[1:39:59] Well.

[1:40:00] Okay, we did that thing, let's move on to the last thing,

[1:40:03] which is where we recommend movies that we have seen,

[1:40:07] usually recently, that we enjoyed,

[1:40:09] maybe could be something you'd watch instead

[1:40:13] of dialing up Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher

[1:40:16] on your Netflix box, I'm gonna recommend a movie.

[1:40:21] Elliot makes fun of me,

[1:40:24] claiming that I have nothing but time

[1:40:25] to go see movies in the theater,

[1:40:26] so I decided to prove him right

[1:40:28] by going out and seeing a five-hour montage yesterday.

[1:40:35] This is a cool recommendation,

[1:40:36] because just anybody can go watch this movie.

[1:40:37] Yeah, well, you can find this.

[1:40:39] If you look, poke around the internet.

[1:40:41] If you really give a shit, you can find it.

[1:40:43] If you poke around the internet,

[1:40:45] this will all make sense in a second.

[1:40:46] I saw The Movie Orgy, which is a movie

[1:40:49] that is not commercially available,

[1:40:53] doesn't do regular screenings.

[1:40:56] The screening I went to was zero dollars.

[1:41:00] You just had to write in to reserve your seat or whatever.

[1:41:03] Because it is, you had to write a letter

[1:41:06] and have someone deliver it at midnight.

[1:41:08] I mean, a key would be given to you.

[1:41:13] It's made up of parts of a bunch of other movies,

[1:41:16] like it has Attack of the 50-Foot Woman,

[1:41:18] Amazing Colossal Man, or something.

[1:41:20] And who made this?

[1:41:22] This is Joe Dante.

[1:41:23] This was early on.

[1:41:25] Small Soldiers, Joe Dante?

[1:41:27] Yeah, he used to do this kind of

[1:41:28] as like an ever-evolving roadshow,

[1:41:31] where he would just show it in person.

[1:41:33] Because again, this is all copyrighted material.

[1:41:37] And he would change it up.

[1:41:39] Apparently, at one point,

[1:41:40] there was like a seven-hour version of this.

[1:41:42] And I gotta say, I really loved seeing The Movie Orgy,

[1:41:46] but it was pushing it five hours.

[1:41:48] Like, it was still kind of like-

[1:41:49] Well, I remember once reading an interview with him,

[1:41:51] where he was like, the whole point,

[1:41:52] he's like, you're not supposed

[1:41:53] to sit through the whole thing.

[1:41:54] He goes, you're supposed to watch a little bit,

[1:41:56] go out and do something, come back and watch some more,

[1:41:58] go get something to eat.

[1:42:00] So, but I don't know how you,

[1:42:01] but we're not programmed to keep leaving

[1:42:03] and coming back to movies.

[1:42:04] Like, you sit down at a movie, you watch it.

[1:42:06] Yeah, and I-

[1:42:07] You should know that, Joe Dante.

[1:42:09] I definitely would have,

[1:42:10] because there came a point where I was very hungry

[1:42:12] and thirsty, but I was also like-

[1:42:14] I'm dying.

[1:42:15] When am I ever gonna see this?

[1:42:18] Where'd you see it?

[1:42:19] What theater?

[1:42:20] It was at Anthology Film Archives,

[1:42:22] and I went to it.

[1:42:24] Which specializes in that kind of thing.

[1:42:26] Yeah.

[1:42:27] And you said the whole crowd looked just like you,

[1:42:28] like it was a Dan Flash-

[1:42:29] I would say that 95% of the audience

[1:42:32] was also sort of middle-aged, bearded movie nerds.

[1:42:37] But it's a really, like-

[1:42:39] For Joe Dante's vintage five-hour supercut

[1:42:42] of old movies and commercials and things, all right.

[1:42:45] Yeah, like, if you're still having

[1:42:48] kind of a hard time picturing what it is,

[1:42:50] like, a lot of the edits are done for comic effects.

[1:42:55] There'd be like a lot of things

[1:42:56] where they would show the whole opening credits to a movie

[1:42:59] and then have one little bit of it

[1:43:02] and then cut abruptly to a V-end.

[1:43:04] And every time, it got me.

[1:43:06] Like, it was funny every time.

[1:43:08] There were these, like, old Bufferin commercials,

[1:43:11] one of which I, like, was really haunting.

[1:43:14] It's like the short story of a pain reliever commercial

[1:43:19] where it's like this dad shooting a rifle

[1:43:22] and showing his kid how good he is at shooting this rifle

[1:43:24] and the kid doesn't want to do it.

[1:43:27] And, like, doesn't want to be, like,

[1:43:30] masculine rifle guy like the dad.

[1:43:32] And there's like a gunshot

[1:43:35] as the dad angrily continues his target practice

[1:43:39] and the mom clutches her head in pain.

[1:43:43] And then she's, well, you see her inside

[1:43:45] with all the dad is shooting outside

[1:43:48] as she puts Bufferin in her hand.

[1:43:50] And it says, is this something like sensitive people?

[1:43:53] People who are sensitive to others

[1:43:55] are often sensitive to headaches or something like that.

[1:43:58] And it's this, like, haunting vision

[1:44:01] of this family in 30 seconds all to be like,

[1:44:05] hey, man, is life giving you pain?

[1:44:08] Try Bufferin.

[1:44:10] So it's a lot of, like, stuff like that cut together.

[1:44:12] Again, you can find it on the internet if you want to.

[1:44:15] Like, it'll be no less illegal

[1:44:18] than the way that Joe Dante shows it

[1:44:20] as a traveling road show.

[1:44:22] So go ahead and track it down if it sounds interesting

[1:44:24] and don't sit all five hours.

[1:44:26] Partial it out to yourself, but it's a lot of fun.

[1:44:30] Anyone else?

[1:44:31] That sounds great.

[1:44:32] I'm gonna recommend a movie that's streaming,

[1:44:33] I think, on Peacock.

[1:44:36] Peacock, anybody?

[1:44:37] Yeah, I'm familiar with it.

[1:44:38] We'll find out.

[1:44:38] Is that on?

[1:44:39] I'm gonna recommend an animated movie.

[1:44:41] I'm recommending Puss in Boots, The Last Wish.

[1:44:44] That's right.

[1:44:45] It's a movie about Puss in Boots.

[1:44:47] I have not seen the previous Puss in Boots.

[1:44:48] I think it's a Shrek spinoff.

[1:44:50] This one is fucking great.

[1:44:53] Not only do you have some,

[1:44:55] now, normally I'm a little skeptical

[1:44:56] of, like, top drawer voice talent,

[1:44:58] and this one's got a lot of it.

[1:45:00] It's got Antonio Banderas.

[1:45:02] It's got Salma Hayek.

[1:45:04] The 13th warrior himself.

[1:45:05] It's got Florence Pugh.

[1:45:07] It's got Ray Winstone, ladies.

[1:45:10] Uh-oh, Ray Winstone.

[1:45:12] It's got Olivia Colman.

[1:45:14] It's great.

[1:45:15] John Mulaney, everybody.

[1:45:18] And, yeah, like, the action's great,

[1:45:21] and the, like, I don't know,

[1:45:24] the, despite being a movie that has a lot of action

[1:45:28] and some really great set pieces,

[1:45:30] it still manages to, like,

[1:45:32] the focus of the movie is not on, like,

[1:45:34] beating people up, but rather,

[1:45:36] like, coming to terms with your own, like,

[1:45:38] mortality and limitation and, you know,

[1:45:41] limitation and figuring out what's important in your life,

[1:45:44] and I find it to be really touching

[1:45:46] and visually very stimulating.

[1:45:50] Elliot?

[1:45:51] I think, so Dan recommended a kind of, like,

[1:45:54] student art collage of vintage movies,

[1:45:57] and Stuart recommended an adventure about a cat

[1:46:00] who is facing his own mortality,

[1:46:02] and I think my movie is kind of in the middle

[1:46:04] of that Venn diagram,

[1:46:05] which is, this is a classic Russian film

[1:46:07] called The Ascent from 1977,

[1:46:10] directed by Larissa Shipitko,

[1:46:14] and it is the story,

[1:46:16] it's a story set in World War II.

[1:46:18] These two soldiers were with a unit

[1:46:20] that is almost more just like Russians

[1:46:23] who are trying to survive more than soldiers.

[1:46:25] They were sent out to find food from a nearby farm

[1:46:28] in the dead of winter while the Germans were after them,

[1:46:31] and managed to have a lot of trouble

[1:46:34] finding the people they're supposed to find

[1:46:35] and get captured by the Germans,

[1:46:37] leading to a real decision

[1:46:41] of whether they are going to give information

[1:46:42] or not give information,

[1:46:43] and each one takes a different path

[1:46:46] and their lives go in very different directions,

[1:46:50] and there's a sense of a real bleakness,

[1:46:53] a real horror, not the horror of, like, blood and guts,

[1:46:57] but the horror of a life where there seems to be no justice

[1:47:00] and there seems to be no escape,

[1:47:01] and I found it very powerful and very moving,

[1:47:04] and one of the moments in it that really got to me

[1:47:06] was there's a Russian who is a collaborator

[1:47:09] who is interrogating them and is acting like

[1:47:11] he is in charge and the big cock of the walk,

[1:47:13] and then later you see him trying to get into a huddle

[1:47:17] of German soldiers, basically,

[1:47:18] and they just are ignoring him

[1:47:20] and giving him the cold shoulder,

[1:47:22] no pun intended, because it's very cold in the movie,

[1:47:24] and just this moment of seeing where that guy

[1:47:26] sits on the hierarchy was so powerful to me,

[1:47:29] and so it's a movie that is not a fun movie.

[1:47:32] I would say it does not have the,

[1:47:35] it's not the generic calming presence of Your Place or Mine,

[1:47:40] but I found it to be a really fantastic movie

[1:47:44] and very beautiful in its, kind of,

[1:47:46] the depths of the soul that it reaches down to,

[1:47:48] so that's The Ascent.

[1:47:50] Hallie, what have you got for us?

[1:47:52] What are you gonna recommend?

[1:47:55] This is pretty weak.

[1:47:58] You're like, Your Place or Mine?

[1:47:59] Let us be the judge of that.

[1:48:01] Okay, so I, wait, what did you say, Dan?

[1:48:04] I said, let us be the judge of that.

[1:48:05] Oh, okay.

[1:48:08] So I was on a plane yesterday,

[1:48:11] and I watched part of this movie

[1:48:15] that is the kind of movie you only watch on a plane,

[1:48:18] the kind of movie I only watch on a plane,

[1:48:20] because it's like, I recognize the stars,

[1:48:21] but they clearly didn't want me to see this,

[1:48:24] because this movie has not been out there.

[1:48:26] So it's called, like, Alice Darling or Darling Alice,

[1:48:31] starring Anna Kendrick,

[1:48:34] who I'm not usually a big fan of,

[1:48:35] but this was a thriller about a mo,

[1:48:38] she's very small,

[1:48:39] but they weave it into the plot in this one.

[1:48:42] She could be anywhere.

[1:48:43] That's what, it's scary.

[1:48:45] Yeah, yeah, she's just in your pockets,

[1:48:47] behind, you know, behind your ear.

[1:48:49] Well, this is a soaring tale, not soaring,

[1:48:54] searing, sad.

[1:48:57] Snoring.

[1:48:58] It's something about emotional abuse.

[1:48:59] The problem was, my earbuds, not great.

[1:49:04] I had no idea what was going on,

[1:49:05] and 15 minutes into the movie, we landed.

[1:49:11] But I went back.

[1:49:12] You've taken Dan's habit of recommending movies

[1:49:14] that he watched on planes that he didn't like that much,

[1:49:16] and you have raised him quite a bit.

[1:49:18] This is the challenge.

[1:49:19] Well, this is what I'll tell you.

[1:49:20] I went to my hotel that night, and I tried to find it.

[1:49:23] I could not find it,

[1:49:24] but the fact that I tried to find it

[1:49:27] made me feel like I at least wanted

[1:49:31] to know what was going on,

[1:49:32] because I couldn't hear anything.

[1:49:34] It's got a 65 on Metacritic, so that's not bad.

[1:49:38] Okay, well, check it out, and let me know.

[1:49:41] 90 minutes, that's a handsome one.

[1:49:43] 90 minutes.

[1:49:43] Exactly, I thought I could make it.

[1:49:44] I thought I could make it through it

[1:49:46] by the end of the flight.

[1:49:47] I was wrong. I've been there.

[1:49:48] I've been there, girl.

[1:49:52] This, when you're finishing watching,

[1:49:54] when you're trying to finish a movie,

[1:49:55] and then the pilot comes on, and he's like,

[1:49:58] okay, we're beginning our descent, and you're.

[1:50:00] Stop, let me watch it, stop, and he's like,

[1:50:01] show love.

[1:50:02] Circle, don't care.

[1:50:04] What else did I want to tell you?

[1:50:05] Love, love, love.

[1:50:06] This is not gonna change my life to know this.

[1:50:08] Just let me be.

[1:50:11] Yeah, when the plane lands and everyone's clapping,

[1:50:13] Dan's like, I'm not clapping.

[1:50:15] I mean, that only happens like one out of every 20 flights,

[1:50:20] right?

[1:50:20] Like, I don't know.

[1:50:21] A lot of times when I fly to the Caribbean.

[1:50:23] Yeah, it depends where you're flying to.

[1:50:24] In the Caribbean, they clap a lot when the flights land.

[1:50:26] I feel like it only happens

[1:50:27] when they actually do a bad landing,

[1:50:30] because they like create a sense of like,

[1:50:32] will they or won't they land?

[1:50:36] All right, well, this has been a delight,

[1:50:38] and I'm so glad that it meant that Hallie,

[1:50:41] who was just in town for business for a day,

[1:50:43] like, I could see her in person.

[1:50:45] We could see her in person.

[1:50:46] That was so nice.

[1:50:49] Yes, for me too.

[1:50:51] So this is a podcast that's on the Maximum Fund Network.

[1:50:54] You can find more flying podcasts

[1:50:56] by going over to maximumfund.org,

[1:50:58] checking out what they've got over there.

[1:51:01] A lot of funny shows,

[1:51:02] a lot of shows that'll teach you something.

[1:51:05] We're in that earlier category.

[1:51:07] We don't really do much for like world knowledge.

[1:51:10] We must've taught someone something in this episode, right?

[1:51:13] Yeah, if you didn't know anything about candy, maybe.

[1:51:17] Yeah, now you know that there's an old lady

[1:51:18] who ate half her butt in candy.

[1:51:22] Now watch, someone's gonna write in

[1:51:23] and say that didn't happen,

[1:51:24] and it's gonna be my ding-dong gate.

[1:51:26] Oh no.

[1:51:27] Oh no.

[1:51:28] Man, it's tough, I gotta tell you.

[1:51:30] Butt gate.

[1:51:32] If you could please enter by the butt gate, please.

[1:51:36] And we would like to thank Alex Smith,

[1:51:39] our producer and editor, for making us sound good.

[1:51:42] You can find him on various socials

[1:51:44] under the name HowlDotty.

[1:51:46] But for now, that's it for this episode.

[1:51:49] For The Flap House, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:51:51] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:51:53] I'm Ellie Kalen.

[1:51:55] And I'm Hallie Haglund.

[1:51:58] Bye.

[1:51:59] Bye.

[1:52:00] Bye.

[1:52:01] I tried to join in and I couldn't do it.

[1:52:03] It's tough.

[1:52:09] Is that drink okay, Hallie?

[1:52:10] It's great, what's in it?

[1:52:12] Velvet falernum and rum and some lime juice.

[1:52:16] Ooh.

[1:52:17] Velvet falernum.

[1:52:18] It's real, yeah, it's real.

[1:52:19] But I'm allergic to velvet falernum.

[1:52:22] Real taste of the tropics.

[1:52:24] It's, you know, it's a common,

[1:52:25] it's used in a lot of tiki drinks.

[1:52:27] Mm-hmm.

[1:52:28] Okay, I guess we should-

[1:52:29] You're right.

[1:52:30] Yeah, Dan, you're right.

[1:52:31] And don't question yourself, dude.

[1:52:33] On, you ready?

[1:52:37] Maximumfun.org, comedy and culture.

[1:52:40] Artist-owned, audience-supported.

Episode #394 - Your Place or Mine, with Hallie Haglund

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