FH Mini 81 - The Field House

[0:00] Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week's Flophouse Mini.

Elliott Kalan

[0:07] Regular Flophouse listeners will know that most episodes, we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[0:13] But on mini episodes, we do whatever we want.

[0:16] And right now, we especially get to do whatever we want because we're the bosses.

[0:19] We writers are on strike right now.

[0:21] That's Dan and me.

[0:22] We're both members of the Writers Guild of America.

[0:24] We're on strike.

[0:25] Stuart is, I guess, striking from writing for television shows.

[0:28] Yes.

[0:28] Just in solidarity.

[0:29] Just, yeah.

[0:30] He's continuing to not write for television shows.

[0:32] I get offers.

[0:32] Lifelong strike.

Stuart Wellington

[0:33] And I'm like, I can't take your meeting, Ron Howard.

Elliott Kalan

[0:37] Take that, Ronnie.

[0:40] Mr. Two First Names.

Stuart Wellington

[0:43] That's what they call him.

[0:43] I mean, also, if Ronald Reagan asked me for a meeting, I would tell him to shove it too, Elliot.

[0:48] You wouldn't ask him.

Elliott Kalan

[0:49] Brave stance against a dead man.

[0:51] You wouldn't ask him what happens after you die?

[0:53] Because I'd ask him that and then I'd tell him to shove it.

Stuart Wellington

[0:55] I don't know.

[0:55] I don't mess around with Ouija boards anymore after the incident.

Elliott Kalan

[0:59] Yeah, we don't need to talk about that.

[1:00] So anyway, the point thing is-

[1:01] The origin of evil?

Dan McCoy

[1:03] Was that the incident?

[1:04] Yes.

[1:04] Because that was a pretty bad one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06] Yeah.

[1:06] So we writers are on strike right now.

[1:08] And you know what strikes remind me of?

[1:11] What?

[1:11] Sports, everybody.

[1:12] There's two different kinds of strikes in sports.

[1:14] Welcome to The Fieldhouse.

[1:16] The only podcast about sports movies.

[1:18] Okay.

[1:19] Whistle sound.

[1:20] Alex, please put in a whistle sound.

[1:23] Okay.

[1:23] Now, welcome to The Fieldhouse.

[1:25] I'm joined today by two amazing guests slash co-hosts.

[1:29] First up, Dan, Mad Dog McCoy, a real movie commentary MVP.

[1:33] That stands for Most Valuable Purvisoid.

[1:35] Give a yo to the audience at home, Mad Dog.

[1:38] Yo.

[1:40] Well done.

[1:40] Wait, hold on.

[1:41] I'm going to do it more like a mad dog.

[1:44] Yo.

[1:45] Thank you.

[1:46] Much better.

[1:46] Much madder in dog ear.

[1:47] And with us today is the bodybuilding bartender whose dream is to mix an Arnold Palmer for Arnold

[1:53] Palmer.

[1:53] That's right.

[1:54] The man, the legend, the medgend, Stuart Mad Cat Wellington.

[1:58] Stuart, throw a yo at the audience, but do it like a cat.

[2:00] Yo, yo.

[2:02] Perfectly done.

[2:03] And I'm your host, The Fieldhouse.

[2:06] As always, America's biggest sports fan's brother, Elliot Mad Mouse Kalin.

[2:12] Dan, Stu, welcome to The Fieldhouse.

Dan McCoy

[2:15] Thanks.

[2:15] I realized that just simply having big headphones on and sitting in front of microphones side

[2:20] by side looking straightforward makes us look like sports commentators, Stuart and I right

[2:25] now.

Elliott Kalan

[2:26] Sports commentators and especially sports movie commentators.

[2:30] Because today we're talking about sports movies on The Fieldhouse.

[2:33] Like I said, the only podcast about sports movies.

[2:36] There are no others.

[2:38] No others.

[2:38] Don't even look for them.

[2:38] Do not check.

[2:39] Yep.

[2:40] Now, Dan, Stu, you're both famous for claiming to be the number one sports movie fan in America.

[2:46] You do it every episode constantly.

Stuart Wellington

[2:49] I bump into people on the street, at Lowe's, when I'm buying some hot dogs and people are

[2:56] like, hey, you think you're the number one sports movie fan commentator in the universe.

[3:00] And I'm like, universe, how about the dark universe?

[3:03] And they're like, that exists.

[3:05] I'm like, in my universe it does.

[3:06] And they're like, what are you talking about?

Elliott Kalan

[3:08] Your dark universe is about monsters that play sports.

[3:11] Now, and Dan, you're well known for your catchphrase, what do I want for dinner?

[3:15] Sports movies.

[3:16] Dan, why don't you deliver your famous catchphrase for the audience?

Dan McCoy

[3:19] What do I want for dinner?

[3:21] Sports movies.

Elliott Kalan

[3:23] Okay, great, perfect.

[3:24] You are really both buying into this in a way that I was afraid you wouldn't, and I really

[3:29] appreciate it.

[3:30] Okay, now, I'm going to settle this long-running feud for good on this episode of The Fieldhouse.

[3:36] We are going to finally decide who is the biggest number one sports movie fan in America.

Stuart Wellington

Dan McCoy

[3:43] It's got to be me.

[3:44] It's got to be me.

[3:45] You're in trouble, mad dog.

[3:48] Smack talk goes here.

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] Well done.

[3:52] I'm going to, it's the best smack talk, smack talk you don't hear.

[3:55] The audience can fill in the worst insult they've ever heard.

[3:58] Okay, so, I'm going to put you through the ultimate cinematic combine of four rounds of

[4:03] sports movie-related quizzes.

[4:04] And yes, stealing is allowed, or should I say, interception, whistle sound.

[4:09] Okay, Dan, do you feel like you are pumped and ready?

[4:12] Do you need to stretch those brains at all before we get to the first game?

Stuart Wellington

[4:16] Yeah, let me stretch my brain real quick.

Elliott Kalan

[4:19] Oh.

[4:21] Oh.

[4:22] Okay.

[4:23] Okay, your brains look stretched.

[4:25] I want to remind the audience, it's always important to take care of yourself.

[4:28] If you're going to do a quiz game, remember to stretch your brain ahead of time.

[4:32] You don't want to sprain that brain.

[4:34] A brain sprain can end a very promising career.

[4:36] In brain pain.

[4:37] Yeah, brain pain.

[4:38] A brain sprain pain.

Stuart Wellington

[4:40] Then you're listening to train on the pain brain.

[4:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:45] While eating grain.

[4:46] And you're like, the grain isn't even processed in any way or cooked.

Dan McCoy

[4:49] Brain sprain leads to getting insane in the membrane.

Elliott Kalan

[4:53] So as a sports doctor, which I am, there's two different kinds of things you want to look out for.

[4:59] You don't want to be insane in the membrane or insane in the brain.

[5:02] Ironically, the membrane is worse.

[5:04] Insane in the brain sounds like it's worse.

[5:06] But insane in the membrane is actually worse.

[5:08] That's the blood brain barrier membrane, which is very important to not make insane.

[5:14] Okay, and the worst thing is when you're insane, you've got no brain, which is also mentioned.

[5:20] By far the worst scenario.

[5:21] So it's weird.

Stuart Wellington

[5:22] Yeah, that's like a chicken and the egg thing or a shredder's cat, right?

[5:26] Yeah, a shredder's cat.

Dan McCoy

[5:27] Until you crack open that skull, it gets – we don't know if that brain's in there anymore.

[5:31] You don't know if there's a brain there.

[5:31] It's a real shredder's cat scenario.

Stuart Wellington

[5:34] Shredder's cat, yeah.

[5:35] What a bottle episode that was.

[5:36] You just focus on shredder's cat.

Elliott Kalan

[5:39] Just going around the technodrome, taking a nap inside Crang's body.

[5:43] Yeah.

[5:43] Okay.

[5:44] Yeah, I love it.

[5:44] Anyway, let's get to our first round.

[5:47] Okay.

[5:48] This round is called one, two, three strikes, and you're a movie.

[5:52] Now, I am going to name a movie, and you're going to tell me the sport that's being played in that movie.

[5:59] Okay.

[5:59] Okay, we're going to ease in.

[6:00] Now, each of you is going to get a chance to answer your question individually.

[6:03] But again, if you can't answer or you get it wrong, the other player can steal.

[6:09] And so, let's start this first round.

[6:12] I name the movie, you tell me the sport.

[6:14] Dan, here's your first movie.

[6:15] Okay.

[6:16] It's called Miracle.

Dan McCoy

[6:18] Miracle.

[6:18] That is a hockey film.

Elliott Kalan

[6:20] You got that right.

[6:22] Ding, ding.

[6:23] Starring Kurt Russell.

[6:25] Not interested in the extra information.

[6:27] There is no extra pointage for this round.

[6:30] Just trying to impress Stuart.

[6:31] Easy one.

Stuart Wellington

[6:31] Dan got a real layup of a question.

Elliott Kalan

[6:34] Don't get cocky, Dan.

[6:36] Okay.

[6:36] I know it stars Kurt Russell as Ice Plisket, his famous hockey-playing bad boy.

[6:42] Stuart, here's your movie.

[6:44] The Big Green.

[6:46] I'm going to say football.

Dan McCoy

[6:49] Oh, no it is not.

[6:51] Dan?

[6:52] Well, I mean, is it – wait.

[6:55] So, is it not what we Americans would call football, but other parts of the world would call football, i.e. soccer?

Elliott Kalan

[7:02] Well, you know what?

[7:03] You know what, Dan?

[7:04] You're right, and you've just talked yourself out of a point.

[7:07] Stuart, you got the point.

[7:08] You're right.

[7:09] Okay, call it football in other parts of the world.

Dan McCoy

[7:11] I want to make sure this is a fair competition, but –

Elliott Kalan

[7:14] It is a soccer movie, but you're right.

[7:17] In other countries, they would call it a football movie.

[7:20] So, Dan, that was – I'm going to give you a sportsmanship point, Dan.

[7:23] That was really fantastic.

[7:24] So, that sportsmanship point can be cashed in at any dicks or moes.

[7:28] Because that's what I meant.

Stuart Wellington

[7:29] I meant soccer, not American football.

[7:33] That's what I meant.

Elliott Kalan

[7:34] Exactly.

[7:36] So, Dan, here's your next movie.

[7:38] Yeah.

[7:38] Bang the Drum Slowly.

Dan McCoy

[7:42] Jeez Louise.

[7:44] I was not aware that this was a sports movie at all.

Elliott Kalan

[7:54] Often listed as one of the best sports movies ever made.

[7:58] Oh.

[8:00] Come on, dude.

[8:00] This is easy.

Dan McCoy

[8:01] It's a sports movie.

Elliott Kalan

[8:03] It's a sports movie.

[8:05] A drum is banged slowly.

[8:06] It's a metaphorical title.

Dan McCoy

[8:08] Is it cricket?

Elliott Kalan

[8:11] Whoa.

[8:12] Is it cricket?

Dan McCoy

[8:13] I'm sorry.

[8:14] No, of course it is.

Stuart Wellington

[8:15] Rowing Crew.

[8:17] No.

[8:18] Stuart is also wrong.

Elliott Kalan

[8:19] You are both wrong.

[8:20] It is a baseball movie.

[8:22] A baseball movie.

Stuart Wellington

[8:23] That's weird because there's not a lot of drums.

[8:25] I guess in the movie Major League, there's –

Elliott Kalan

[8:28] Where does this movie take place?

[8:30] This movie takes – in the United States of America in New York.

[8:34] It stars Michael Moriarty and Robert De Niro.

[8:36] And it is about a baseball player with a terminal illness.

[8:39] It is the baseball version of Brian's song in some ways.

Dan McCoy

[8:42] What movie that is set in China has a similar title that I was imagining?

[8:47] Do you have any idea?

Elliott Kalan

[8:47] I believe you're thinking of Raise the Red Lantern instead of Bang the Drum Slowly.

[8:51] Could be.

Dan McCoy

[8:52] Just two –

[8:53] That's actually a structurally very similar.

[8:55] Yeah.

[8:55] What you should do with an item.

Stuart Wellington

[8:57] Also –

[8:57] That's also about baseball, right?

[8:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:00] That is, yes, also about baseball.

[9:02] No, it is not.

[9:03] Raise the Red Lantern is not about baseball.

[9:05] It's the sequel to Mr. Baseball.

[9:07] No, it isn't.

[9:08] Well, Mr. Baseball is set in Japan, not in China.

[9:11] Oh, shit.

[9:12] A different country with its own rich culture.

[9:17] Very different.

[9:18] Oh, no.

[9:19] Let's not stick with that too much.

[9:21] So, Dan and Sue, you both had trouble with that one.

[9:24] No points rewarded.

[9:25] Stuart, let's see if you can do better on this next one, your next movie.

[9:29] What sport is played in this movie?

[9:31] It's called rollerball.

[9:34] What sport do they play in rollerball?

[9:36] They play rollerball in it.

[9:38] That's exactly right.

[9:39] They do play rollerball.

[9:40] You got it.

[9:41] Okay, Dan, I know that was kind of an easy one.

[9:44] Here's an easy one for you.

[9:45] The Way Back.

[9:46] What sport is being played in The Way Back?

Dan McCoy

[9:48] Is that basketball?

Elliott Kalan

[9:50] You're right.

[9:50] It's basketball.

[9:51] Competitive drinking.

[9:55] Kind of.

[9:56] Okay, Stu, what about this one?

[9:58] Chariots of Fire.

[10:01] Running?

[10:02] Yes, running.

[10:03] Exactly.

[10:04] It's about Olympic runners.

[10:05] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[10:05] It's really about the theme by Evangelos, though.

[10:08] That's what it's all about.

Elliott Kalan

[10:09] It was the theme for the movie.

[10:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[10:11] But I'm saying that's that's...

[10:12] It's a delivery system for that.

[10:13] Yeah, that's true.

[10:14] That's true.

[10:14] That's a good point.

[10:15] Okay, we'll do that one for...

Stuart Wellington

[10:17] You go to the movie theater wearing fucking sunglasses, because you don't need to see

[10:20] that screen.

[10:20] You just want to hear those sweet tunes.

[10:21] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:22] Now, we'll talk more about that when we get to an episode of Field Tempo, which is the

[10:28] only podcast about the music in sports movies.

[10:32] Okay.

[10:32] A lot of...

[10:33] Hey!

[10:35] Hey!

[10:35] In that one.

[10:36] As seen in the Joker that is often...

[10:39] The famous sports movie Joker.

[10:40] Famous sports movie Joker about competitive clowning.

[10:43] Joker, of course, him walking down the stairs to that...

[10:46] The most beautiful moment in all of filmmaking, according to idiots on Twitter.

[10:50] Huh?

[10:51] Idiots on Twitter, but not seen other movies.

[10:52] That's what you're citing.

[10:54] Yeah, it came into Flash entering the Speed Force, right?

[10:55] Flash entering the Speed Force is not the most beautiful moment.

[10:58] It is the most exciting.

[10:59] That's when you stand up and cheer.

[10:59] That's the stand up and cheer.

[11:00] Most exciting, inspirational moment in movies.

Stuart Wellington

[11:03] What was the stand up and cheer moment from this year's Academy Awards, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[11:06] I think they correctly identified that as a big, dumb idea.

Elliott Kalan

[11:13] Yeah, America cheered when they stopped having America vote on the stand up and cheer moment.

[11:17] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[11:18] For me, it was when Judith Light appears in the menu, and I'm like, Judith Light!

[11:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:24] It is a stand up and cheer.

[11:26] Yeah, sure.

Elliott Kalan

[11:27] So, Dan, here's your next one.

[11:29] Can you answer the question?

[11:30] What sport is the movie Blue Crush about?

Dan McCoy

[11:35] Easy.

[11:35] That is a surfing film.

Elliott Kalan

[11:37] Yes, that's right.

[11:38] It's a surfing movie.

Stuart Wellington

[11:39] Okay, Stu.

[11:40] Dan just pulled up his phone so he can cheat.

[11:42] Dan, no phones allowed.

Dan McCoy

[11:44] I am looking at the ads that we need to do later on.

Stuart Wellington

[11:48] Oh.

[11:49] All right.

Dan McCoy

[11:49] Well, I appreciate the respect you are showing for the game that we're playing.

[11:52] I mean, I think the fact that I was able to get the correct answer without giving it my full attention

[11:58] and was able to do it without being detected until Stuart called me out means that I was doing okay.

Elliott Kalan

[12:06] Yep, yep.

[12:06] You're a regular Arsene Lupin, you know, sneaking in and sneaking out.

[12:11] We got a real Harrison Bergeron over here making the game harder for himself.

[12:15] Okay.

[12:15] Yeah, he's just trying to make it equivalent, you know.

[12:19] Stu, take advantage of this opportunity of distracted Dan.

[12:22] Here's your movie.

[12:23] It's called He Got Game.

[12:24] Mmm, basketball.

[12:27] Dan, here's your movie.

[12:28] The greatest game ever played.

[12:30] Golf.

[12:32] Stu, for love of the game.

[12:35] Basketball.

[12:36] No, it's not about basketball.

[12:37] Dan, would you like to steal?

[12:39] For love of the game.

[12:40] That's baseball.

[12:41] That's baseball.

[12:41] And two more left.

Dan McCoy

[12:44] Dan, the game.

[12:46] The game is about sort of an interactive game.

[12:51] Yeah.

[12:52] That Michael Douglas sits.

[12:53] And the name for that is?

[12:56] It's like TRS or something.

[13:01] Stu, you want to steal this one?

Elliott Kalan

[13:03] The game?

[13:04] Yes.

[13:05] No, it's close.

[13:07] LARPing.

[13:07] It is LARPing.

[13:08] Oh, LARPing is what you're looking for.

[13:10] It's essentially a movie about LARPing.

[13:13] Yeah, true.

[13:13] And finally, this last one is for Stu, Basketball.

[13:16] What is Basketball about?

Stuart Wellington

[13:17] That's for, it's about basketball.

Elliott Kalan

[13:21] So heading out of that round, Stuart has a short lead, six to five.

[13:26] That's including Dan's good sportsmanship point.

[13:28] So Dan, maybe you shouldn't look at your phone while playing the game.

[13:32] I don't think that's the problem.

[13:34] We'll go on.

[13:35] All right, everybody.

[13:36] Now it's time for our second round.

[13:38] We're going to do one more round, then we've got our, we'll take a break for sponsors,

[13:41] then we've got two more rounds.

[13:42] Our first round, second round, sorry.

[13:44] This next game is called Put Movie In, Coach.

[13:47] I'm ready to press play.

[13:50] So in this round, I'm going to name the sport, you tell me, a movie about that sport.

[13:56] Any movie about that sport.

[13:59] Okay.

[13:59] This sounds easy, and it probably is.

[14:02] We're going to start with Stu.

[14:03] Stu, can you name a baseball movie?

[14:06] Mm-hmm.

[14:06] Field of Dreams.

[14:08] You got it.

[14:08] Dan, you're up next.

[14:09] Can you name a rugby movie?

[14:12] Leatherheads.

[14:13] No, I'm sorry.

[14:14] Is that American football?

[14:15] That's about American football.

[14:17] What?

[14:18] Invictus?

[14:19] Yep.

[14:20] Stu gets it.

[14:21] Another point.

[14:21] Invictus is a rugby movie.

[14:23] Okay.

[14:23] Oh, I thought that was soccer.

[14:25] As did I until I looked it up.

[14:27] I've never seen it.

Stuart Wellington

[14:28] Matt Damon gets so fucking bulky in that shit.

Elliott Kalan

[14:31] He does.

[14:31] He has to play rugby.

[14:32] It's a tough sport.

[14:33] He's a bulky boy.

[14:34] Okay, Stu, back to you.

[14:35] Basketball.

[14:36] Can you name a basketball movie?

Stuart Wellington

[14:38] Yeah, Love and Basketball.

Elliott Kalan

[14:40] Sure.

[14:41] I'll take it.

[14:41] It's got basketball right in the title.

[14:43] Okay, Dan, I'm going to need to name a sailing movie.

[14:45] Can you name a movie about sailing?

Dan McCoy

[14:49] White Squall.

[14:50] Does that count?

[14:50] You got it.

Elliott Kalan

[14:51] White Squall.

[14:51] That counts.

[14:52] Okay, Stuart.

[14:53] Things are going to get a little bit harder.

[14:54] Stuart, can you name a football movie?

[14:57] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[14:59] I could.

[15:00] How about the last Boy Scout?

Elliott Kalan

[15:04] I'll allow it.

[15:05] I'll technically allow it.

[15:06] He's a football player.

[15:07] There's not a lot of football in the movie, but doesn't he shoot someone on the field?

[15:10] Yeah, Billy Tybo Blank shoots somebody.

[15:13] Okay, and now, Dan, if you can name an Australian rules football movie.

[15:16] What the fuck?

[15:17] I think that this game is stacked.

[15:20] I don't think so.

Dan McCoy

[15:23] Australian rules football movie.

[15:26] I cannot do that.

[15:27] No, I can't.

Stuart Wellington

[15:28] Okay, Stu, you got an Australian rules football movie?

[15:30] Okay, I might be able to.

[15:32] Maybe, wait, no, that's New Zealand.

Elliott Kalan

[15:42] Wolf Creek?

[15:44] No, I'm sorry.

[15:45] That is an Australian rules murder movie, not an Australian rules football movie.

[15:49] I would have accepted The Great McCarthy, The Club, Australian rules.

[15:53] Any of those are Australian rules.

[15:54] Oh, yeah, of course.

[15:55] Okay, Stu, next.

[15:57] Can you name a golf movie?

Stuart Wellington

[15:59] Yeah, I'm going to say Tin Cup.

Elliott Kalan

[16:03] You know it, Tin Cup.

[16:04] And Dan, now the ball's in your court.

[16:07] Should I say on your field?

[16:08] Can you name a field hockey movie for me?

Dan McCoy

[16:14] I mean, Mean Girls has field hockey in it.

[16:19] I feel like if the last Boy Scout works, that one should work.

[16:22] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[16:22] All right, all right, I'll allow it.

[16:24] Oh, Dan's on his knees here.

[16:25] He's tearing his shirt.

[16:26] You're begging only because you're being crushed in this round.

[16:28] I'll give it to you.

[16:29] I was looking for any number of movies, though.

[16:32] Kido Kundi, Gold, Harjita, Swarma, a number of famous field hockey movies.

[16:37] Sure.

[16:37] And Stu, okay, here's a movie.

[16:40] Here's a sport.

[16:41] Can you name a movie that is about the sport of Gymkata?

Stuart Wellington

[16:45] Ooh, that's really tough.

[16:46] It's not Trouble with the Curve.

[16:49] It's not Idle Hands.

[16:52] Cheating.

[16:52] It's not.

[16:53] I mean, Idle Hands isn't even a sports movie, is it?

[16:55] Kickboxer.

[16:57] I think I'm going to say Gymkata.

Elliott Kalan

[17:00] All right, I'll accept it.

[17:01] Gymkata.

[17:02] And Dan, the final question in the round is for you.

[17:04] Can you name a movie about the sport of Super Mario Bros. 3?

Dan McCoy

[17:10] Is The Wizard?

Elliott Kalan

[17:12] Yes, Dan.

[17:13] I wasn't sure you'd be able to pull it out.

[17:14] But yes, there is one movie about the sport of competitive Super Mario Bros. 3 playing.

[17:18] That is The Wizard.

[17:22] You're doing really good, Dan.

[17:23] You're doing great.

[17:25] Go back to your corners.

[17:26] Hit the dugouts and the clubhouses.

[17:27] Get some new tires and gas up in the pit for the next round.

[17:31] It's time for us to take a break for our sponsors.

[17:33] But we'll be right back on The Fieldhouse.

[17:35] Do, do, do.

[17:36] Do, do, do.

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[20:22] And Stuart, I believe we have a special Jumbotron message that you'd like to help us with.

Stuart Wellington

[20:27] We have a Jumbotron!

[20:30] Rarrow!

[20:32] Hey!

[20:33] There goes the house cat.

[20:34] Now, you probably haven't seen him for a bit because he's been producing, producing content.

[20:39] Now, do you happen to be a producer, project manager, or creative and need a freelancer?

[20:46] PaulWdesign.com is your guy.

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[20:49] Web development, either from scratch using front-end frameworks or in WordPress, Squarespace, or Shopify.

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[21:01] He makes HTML banners, does UI, UX, and digital design.

[21:07] He could draw pregnant Sonic for you.

[21:11] So go to PaulWdesign.com now.

Dan McCoy

[21:15] And I want to say, you know, if you want to advertise with us, you can get in touch with MaximumFun.org.

[21:22] I just want to say, if you're like maybe a shredded lettuce, bagged lettuce company, you know, so Ali can be introduced to this to be safe from the tyranny of all the time he spends on lettuce prep.

Elliott Kalan

[21:33] I spend so much, often, whether I'm going to have a fresh lunch or not comes down to how much time I have to chop up lettuce.

[21:39] And it is, if it, look, it's just too much.

[21:42] It's too much.

[21:43] Too much.

[21:45] Just like the Dave Matthews Band song of the same name, it's too much.

Stuart Wellington

[21:50] Whereas I'm more of a Luther Vandross guy and there's never too much chopping of lettuce.

[21:57] Well put.

Dan McCoy

[22:03] I'm glad you said that because nobody says that.

S4

[22:05] Can I just say thank you to you for such a thoughtful interview?

Stuart Wellington

[22:09] Oh my God, yeah.

[22:10] I think you nailed it.

[22:12] Bullseye.

[22:13] Interviews with creators you love and creators you need to know.

[22:16] Listen to the Bullseye podcast only from NPR and Maximum Fun.

[22:22] Most game shows quiz contestants about topics they don't even care about.

S4

[22:25] But for more than 100 episodes, the Go Fact Yourself podcast has asked celebrity guests trivia about topics they choose for themselves.

Stuart Wellington

[22:34] And introduced them to some of their personal heroes along the way.

S4

[22:37] Oh my gosh.

[22:38] Shut up.

[22:40] Oh, I feel like I'm going to cry.

[22:41] Oh my stuff.

[22:43] It's so, so exciting.

Elliott Kalan

[22:45] Join me, Jake Heath Van Stratton.

S4

[22:47] And me, Helen Hong.

[22:48] Along with guests like DJ Jazzy Jeff, Yardley Smith, Roxanne Gay, and so many more on the Trivia Game Show podcast, Go Fact Yourself.

Stuart Wellington

[22:58] Twice a month, every month, on Maximum Fun.

Elliott Kalan

[23:03] Welcome back to the Fieldhouse.

[23:06] We're back on the buzzer sound.

[23:07] Give us a buzzer, too.

[23:08] Okay, whistle sound.

[23:09] Lots of sports sound.

[23:10] We're back.

[23:11] We have two more rounds.

[23:13] Boys, before we get started, how do you feel?

[23:15] Are you pumped?

[23:16] Stuart, tell me.

[23:17] Are you pumped for these rounds?

[23:18] You are dominating right now.

[23:19] You think you got what it takes to take you through the end.

Stuart Wellington

[23:22] Yeah, it's me, the mad cat, Stuart Wellington, and am I pumped?

[23:25] You know it.

Elliott Kalan

[23:27] Great.

[23:28] And now, Dan, Mad Dog McCoy, how about you?

[23:31] You are trailing a little bit, but not by that much.

[23:33] I think you can make up the distance, maybe.

[23:37] Baba Booey.

[23:39] All right, I don't love that.

[23:41] Dan originated a new catchphrase.

[23:43] Never been done before.

[23:44] I would love it if now Dan's whole character is trying to convince the universe that he invented Baba Booey as a catchphrase.

[23:55] Here's our next game.

[23:56] I hope you're ready for it.

[23:57] Are you ready?

[23:58] Maybe stretch those brains again.

[23:59] Stretch those brains again.

Dan McCoy

[24:04] This better not show up on one of your erotic ASMR channels.

[24:09] No, let's put it up there, dude.

[24:10] Don't loop it.

[24:11] Too late.

[24:11] It's already there.

Elliott Kalan

[24:13] All right.

[24:13] Round three.

[24:14] This segment is a little game we call Nothing in the Rulebook.

[24:17] I'm going to name a movie, and you tell me what sport is being played in it and what animal is playing that sport.

[24:23] Oh, okay.

[24:25] Okay.

[24:26] So there's nothing in the rulebook that says animals can't play sports, and honestly, Major League Sports should take advantage of that more often.

[24:34] Dan, we'll start with you.

[24:36] National Velvet.

Dan McCoy

[24:38] National Velvet.

[24:39] That is a horse movie.

[24:42] What's the other thing I'm supposed to?

[24:44] The sport.

[24:44] What is the sport that the horse is?

[24:46] Is it professional jumping?

[24:50] Horse jumping?

[24:51] What do you call it?

[24:52] Dressage?

[24:53] Is it?

[24:54] What, you know, what are they doing that?

[24:57] Is it just a show pony?

[25:00] That's amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[25:01] It's amazing how many different horse things we are talking about, and they are not correct.

Dan McCoy

[25:09] Okay.

[25:10] Okay.

[25:10] Stuart, you want to steal?

Stuart Wellington

[25:13] Football.

[25:14] Was it a race horse?

[25:16] Yes, it was a race horse, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[25:18] Oh, man.

[25:19] That seems – here's the problem.

[25:21] So many horses die racing.

[25:23] That's where fucking horses exist.

Stuart Wellington

[25:24] They play fucking racing.

Dan McCoy

[25:24] I felt like it would be like a nicer thing where it's just like, you know, she prances around on the horse and, you know, everyone's like, that's a nice horse.

[25:31] No, it's a race horse.

[25:32] No, the horse runs in the Grand National.

[25:34] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[25:36] So what's the deal?

[25:37] Is it like a horse from the wrong side of the tracks?

[25:40] Like, is it not a racing horse?

[25:42] Why is it a –

Elliott Kalan

[25:43] It's a horse from the bad part of town.

[25:45] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[25:45] It meets a high-class pony, and they eat spaghetti together.

[25:48] Yeah, they eat spaghetti together.

Elliott Kalan

[25:50] Oh, just like in Flashdance.

[25:52] The famous Flashdance spaghetti scene.

[25:55] Well, Dan, I'm going to give you one point for that out of a possible two points.

[26:00] Okay.

[26:01] I'm kind of disappointed that racing was not what you thought of when you thought of horses.

Dan McCoy

[26:05] It just seemed like that's – like I think of that as more of like a film for young adults and racing seemed – the high-pressure world of racing didn't seem right to me.

Elliott Kalan

[26:16] As opposed to the natural world of dressage, forcing a horse to step around like there's broken glass all over the field.

[26:23] Yeah, yeah.

[26:24] Like it's the John McClane horse.

[26:26] Yeah.

[26:27] All right.

[26:28] Well, Stu, perhaps you'll get your two points on this one.

[26:30] The movie is –

[26:31] We'll see.

Elliott Kalan

[26:31] The movie is Ed.

Stuart Wellington

[26:34] So Ed is –

Elliott Kalan

[26:37] Not to be confused with Eddie, which is also a sports movie, but not an animal sports movie.

Stuart Wellington

[26:42] Ed is a chimpanzee who plays baseball.

Elliott Kalan

[26:47] Both points are for you.

[26:48] Okay, Dan.

[26:49] Next one.

[26:50] Another name movie.

[26:52] Gus.

Dan McCoy

[26:57] Gus.

[26:58] Is this one about a donkey?

[27:00] Uh-huh.

[27:01] That's one point.

[27:02] And does the donkey play football?

Elliott Kalan

[27:05] Oh, just like EO.

[27:08] This is American football.

[27:10] Okay.

[27:11] I haven't seen EO yet, but I have seen Captain EO.

[27:13] No sports in that one.

[27:16] So, Stuart, this next one is for you.

[27:18] Name the animal and the sport.

[27:20] MVP.

Stuart Wellington

[27:21] I got my fingers crossed that this is Angels in the Outfield and the Animals Angels.

[27:25] What's the animal there, Christopher Lloyd?

[27:26] The Animals Angel?

[27:27] Angels.

Elliott Kalan

[27:29] Have you seen them?

[27:30] Have you seen them described in the Bible?

[27:31] They sound crazy.

[27:32] They do sound crazy.

[27:33] They don't sound like animals.

[27:34] They sound like a bunch of animals.

[27:38] They certainly don't sound like they're depicted, though.

Dan McCoy

[27:38] Can I just sidebar?

[27:39] Yeah.

[27:40] Sure.

[27:41] I'm a little annoyed at the popular conception of angels as dead people.

[27:48] Those are ghosts you're thinking of.

[27:50] Angels are a whole other thing.

[27:52] I love that this is what you're taking a stand on.

Elliott Kalan

[27:54] We're in the middle of a strike.

[27:55] Get your mythology right.

[27:56] You're in so many industries, and you've got to make sure that angels and ghosts are separate.

Dan McCoy

[28:00] Isn't AI going to go to the same – isn't there going to be the same difficulty eventually that happens with the spelling on my phone?

[28:08] Like, I read something that said the spelling on your phone, you're not imagining it.

[28:12] It's getting worse.

[28:13] It's because they're using AI, and they're sourcing it from people on the internet.

[28:18] And you know what?

[28:18] On the internet, a lot of bad spelling and grammar.

[28:21] So, you know, at a certain point, isn't the AI just going to spew out a bunch of shit from people who can't write?

[28:28] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[28:29] Yeah.

[28:29] That's the plan.

[28:31] It's like when my phone always tries to correct it when I spell Kirith Ungol, and I'm like, I know how to spell this shit, bitch.

Dan McCoy

[28:38] And Siri says, there's no need for that, sir.

[28:41] I am just as God made me.

Elliott Kalan

[28:43] But God did make you, you abomination.

[28:45] Humans did.

[28:46] Well, Siri's talking about Steve Jobs.

Dan McCoy

[28:48] Oh, okay.

[28:49] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[28:50] We call him God, even though he didn't do the actual creation work.

[28:53] I am just as God made me.

Dan McCoy

[28:55] More of an ideas man.

Elliott Kalan

[28:58] God would say to the angels, I did the hard part.

[29:00] I came up with the idea.

[29:02] Now you make it work.

[29:03] Yeah.

[29:04] Anyway.

[29:05] Beep, boop.

[29:05] I have to say this now because people put it on the internet.

[29:09] Beep, boop.

[29:09] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[29:11] Okay.

[29:12] Are we done with this?

[29:14] No, we're still in the field house.

[29:16] Okay, Stuart, you got the next one.

[29:18] Oh, cool.

Elliott Kalan

[29:19] Can you name the animal in the movie MVP, Most Valuable Primate?

Stuart Wellington

[29:23] Pretty sure that's another chimpanzee and it's playing baseball.

Elliott Kalan

[29:28] No, it is not playing baseball.

[29:30] Fuck, it's playing basketball.

[29:31] Dan, you want to steal that sport point?

Dan McCoy

[29:35] Yeah, I'll go with basketball.

Elliott Kalan

[29:37] No, incorrect.

[29:38] You would say that.

[29:38] Stabboarding.

[29:39] What the fuck does it do?

[29:40] It's hockey, Dan.

[29:41] You should have gone with your first gut instinct, which is that chimpanzees play hockey.

[29:46] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[29:46] I shouldn't have listened to Stuart.

[29:47] Stuart incepted me with the wrong answer.

[29:50] Yeah, I fucked him up.

Stuart Wellington

[29:50] I threw him off his game.

[29:51] But that's the way this game works.

[29:53] Sometimes you intentionally fuck up your opponent.

Elliott Kalan

[29:56] Dan, let's call this a chance for redemption.

[29:59] Seabiscuit.

[30:02] Redemption.

[30:03] Redemption, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:04] I believe that Seabiscuit is the world's most popular horse.

[30:08] Yes.

[30:09] And that, I know, is a racing picture.

Elliott Kalan

[30:12] Yes, that's a horse racing picture.

Dan McCoy

[30:14] Yeah, I'm sure that—

[30:15] It's about how Seabiscuit saved us all from the Great Depression.

[30:18] Actually, Alex, real quick.

Stuart Wellington

[30:20] Can you check to see if it was about Dursage?

Elliott Kalan

[30:23] Yeah, it was that year when Dursage lifted the nation's spirits out of the Great Depression.

[30:29] Okay, Stu, and here's some redemption possibility for you.

[30:32] Dursage?

Dan McCoy

[30:32] That's nothing a horse should do.

[30:34] Fancy dancing.

[30:35] We're racehorses.

[30:36] Gotta go.

[30:37] Oh, no.

[30:38] Oh, there he goes again.

[30:39] Oh, wow.

[30:39] Alex, you don't have to work it up, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[30:41] Yeah, Seabiscuit never sticks around.

[30:43] It was so fast.

[30:44] Yeah.

[30:44] So, Stuart, here's a redemption moment.

[30:46] Here's a chance for—

[30:48] I get a redemption.

[30:49] Okay.

[30:50] For salvation.

[30:51] Salvation.

[30:52] Yep.

[30:53] MVP2, most vertical primate.

[30:55] We'll name the animal and the sport.

Stuart Wellington

[30:58] Oh, my God.

[31:00] You know, there's a thing where, like, you know in The Matrix where he can, like, see The Matrix?

[31:07] That's what I'm doing right now.

[31:09] Just like Elliot's dad.

[31:11] So, I am going to say chimpanzee and I'm going to say skateboarding.

Elliott Kalan

[31:16] Yes, skateboarding.

[31:18] You got it.

[31:18] I was worried you were going to say basketball, which is also a very vertical sport.

[31:21] Okay, Dan, here's another name one for you.

[31:24] Matilda.

Dan McCoy

[31:29] Matilda.

[31:30] The Roald Dahl movie?

[31:32] No, this is a movie starring Elliot Gould.

[31:35] Oh.

[31:36] I shouldn't have given you that clue, but I will.

[31:38] Sorry, is this about a gorilla that boxes?

[31:42] Wait, no.

[31:44] Is it about a kangaroo that boxes?

[31:46] Sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[31:46] Yes, it's about a kangaroo that boxes.

[31:49] Excellent work, Dan.

[31:50] Excellent work.

[31:51] A gorilla that boxes is-

Stuart Wellington

[31:53] Smoke is coming out of Dan's ears.

Elliott Kalan

[31:55] I'm glad you stretched your brain earlier because that would have sprained it if you hadn't.

[31:59] A gorilla that boxes is a terrifying idea.

[32:01] Whereas a kangaroo that boxes is a little amusing.

[32:04] He would murder people.

[32:04] Yeah.

[32:04] He would just destroy them.

[32:06] His fist would just claw right through the glove.

[32:09] Okay, Stu, here's another one for you.

[32:12] Then that rhymes.

[32:12] Stu, MXP, most extreme primate.

[32:16] Give me the animal and the sport.

Stuart Wellington

[32:21] I gotta say, a chimpanzee.

[32:23] Yes?

[32:24] What's more extreme than skateboarding?

Elliott Kalan

[32:26] There's only one thing that's more extreme than skateboarding.

Stuart Wellington

[32:28] You know what it is.

[32:29] Snowboarding?

Elliott Kalan

[32:30] You got it.

[32:31] Snowboarding.

[32:32] Awesome.

[32:33] Okay, Dan, Air Bud.

Dan McCoy

[32:37] That is a golden retriever dog who plays originally, I believe, basketball.

Elliott Kalan

[32:44] I'm glad you mentioned the breed.

[32:47] Stu, Air Bud, golden receiver.

Stuart Wellington

[32:51] That's a dog, a golden retriever, playing football.

Elliott Kalan

[32:57] Dan, Air Bud, spikes back.

Dan McCoy

[33:01] That's a golden retriever, playing volleyball?

Elliott Kalan

[33:07] Stu, Air Bud, seventh inning fetch.

[33:10] Oh, fuck.

[33:12] Probably not cricket.

Stuart Wellington

[33:14] That's a dog that's a golden retriever, playing baseball.

Elliott Kalan

[33:20] I'm glad you're mentioning the breed.

[33:21] You might get a point off if you don't.

[33:22] Dan, Air Bud, world pup.

Dan McCoy

[33:26] I'm going to say this is also a golden retriever who plays soccer.

Elliott Kalan

[33:31] Or football.

[33:32] Yeah, Bo Jackson has nothing on this dog.

[33:34] He plays every sport.

[33:36] And Stu, you guessed it, the final one of the round, the wrestler.

[33:39] Name the sport and the animal.

Stuart Wellington

[33:42] Okay.

[33:43] The animal is Mickey Rourke.

[33:45] Yep, you got it.

[33:46] And the sport is wrestling.

Elliott Kalan

[33:47] You got it.

[33:48] Technically an animal.

[33:49] Technically an animal.

[33:51] Wow, what a round.

[33:52] You guys both scored a lot of points.

[33:54] In fact, you tied on that round.

[33:57] You both had the same number of points for that one.

[33:59] Wow.

[34:00] So that means that Stuart still just has a slight lead of,

[34:04] if I'm doing my math correctly here, of just four points, a four-point lead.

[34:09] So it's all going to come down, ironically, to round four for this four-point lead.

[34:15] That is ironic, yeah.

[34:16] Now, this is a cooperative game, actually.

[34:19] Coincident.

[34:19] Oh, okay.

[34:20] Okay.

[34:21] It's a huge irony, Dan.

[34:23] It's an irony.

[34:24] You make the call.

[34:25] That's the name of this one.

[34:26] You make the call.

[34:27] This is a cooperative game in which you will have to call Sylvester Stallone to break the

[34:32] news to him that we didn't mention any of his sports movies during this episode.

[34:37] So, guys, if you will just dial the number I put up on your screen there, I'll patch the call in to the recording line.

Stuart Wellington

[34:44] Do you want to go first?

[34:46] Ring, ring.

Dan McCoy

[34:48] Ring, ring.

[34:49] Do you want me to go first?

[34:49] I think I should go second because I'm…

[34:50] No, okay.

[34:51] I'll go first.

Stuart Wellington

[34:52] Ring sound.

[34:54] Yeah, hello?

[34:55] Hey, is Sylvester Stallone there?

[35:00] Is Sylvester there?

Elliott Kalan

[35:01] Speaking.

[35:02] Call me Sly.

[35:04] Oh, hey.

[35:04] Hey, Sly.

[35:05] Unless you're a telemarketer, in which case, get the hell off my phone.

[35:08] Unless you want to talk about things.

[35:09] Because, you know, sometimes a guy in my position, you know, at the top of the world, one of the biggest movie stars in the universe, I don't get to, like, you know, talk to people.

[35:19] Honestly, about how they're feeling.

[35:21] So, are you a telemarketer and what are you selling and how do you feel about it?

Stuart Wellington

[35:24] No, hey, I'm Stuart Madcat Wellington.

[35:27] I'm a podcaster and also the biggest fan of sports movies in the universe.

[35:32] I've heard that's under some debate.

Elliott Kalan

[35:34] I heard there was another guy who also felt he was the biggest fan of sports movies.

Stuart Wellington

[35:38] It's great that we kind of know each other's, you know, like, reputation.

Elliott Kalan

[35:42] Please don't assume a level of familiarity that we have yet to earn.

[35:46] Now that I know you're not a telemarketer, I'm not as interested in your opinions on things.

[35:50] Oh, interesting.

Stuart Wellington

[35:50] So, Sly, you have made—

[35:53] Call me Mrs. Stallone, please.

[35:55] Mr. Stallone, you've made a number of movies in your day, correct?

Elliott Kalan

[35:59] You could say that.

[36:00] It's literally a number.

[36:01] The number escapes me at the moment.

[36:03] But as is a finite set of a particular item, in this case, movies featuring me, you cannot say it was an infinite amount.

[36:12] It's going to take forever.

[36:12] And so it must be described by a number, yes.

Stuart Wellington

[36:15] You have—some of those movies are about sports, is that correct?

Elliott Kalan

[36:19] You better believe it.

[36:20] If there's a sport, I've made a movie about it, except for hockey, baseball.

[36:29] Was I in a football movie?

[36:31] Okay, I was in a soccer movie.

[36:33] I did boxing.

[36:34] I haven't done Highlight yet.

[36:36] I haven't done Bobsled or Skeleton.

[36:38] I haven't done Javelin or High Jump or Pole Vault or Long Jump.

[36:47] Yep.

[36:47] So I guess you could say if there's a sport, I've done a movie about it, except for most of them.

Stuart Wellington

[36:50] Yeah, you've done them all.

[36:51] So we're just doing a little game here.

Elliott Kalan

[36:54] I haven't done—is spelunking a sport?

[36:57] Because I did that Cliff movie.

[36:58] Yes, competitively.

[36:59] I did a movie where I was on top of a mountain, but I don't think I've ever done one where I was under a mountain.

[37:03] Daylight doesn't count.

[37:05] I was in the sewers.

[37:06] Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[37:06] That was a tunnel.

[37:07] I don't know if it's spelunking if you're in a tunnel.

[37:09] Anyway—

Stuart Wellington

[37:10] So we were playing a game here where we were—

[37:12] Oh, that's great.

Elliott Kalan

[37:13] I love games.

[37:13] This is like you guys settling Catan.

Dan McCoy

[37:16] Yeah.

[37:16] No, it's kind of like a sport.

[37:18] Can Stuart get any points if he never actually gets around to telling Stallone what he's supposed to tell him?

Elliott Kalan

[37:24] Let me just jump in here and interrupt the call.

[37:26] Sly can't hear me.

[37:27] No, he doesn't get points.

[37:29] You have to break the news to Sly.

[37:30] I see.

Stuart Wellington

[37:31] So, Mr. Stallone, I just wanted to say we're—

Elliott Kalan

[37:34] Mr. Stallone, it sounds like you're saying Sloan, which is not my name.

[37:37] That's the name of the girlfriend from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Stuart Wellington

[37:40] So wait, you're not related to Sloan Peterson.

Elliott Kalan

[37:43] I know I'm not related to Sloan Peterson or her father, who is at one point Sergeant Peterson.

[37:51] Voiced by Alan Ruck.

[37:51] Yeah, yeah.

[37:53] Yeah, Alan Ruck pretends to be him.

[37:54] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[37:55] So we were playing a game, which you love, where we were naming sports movies.

[38:01] If there's a game, I made a movie about it.

Elliott Kalan

[38:03] Remember that movie I did called Oscar?

[38:05] That was originally a movie about a game called Oscar the Game.

Dan McCoy

[38:08] Mr. Stallone, I just want to break in.

[38:10] Who are you?

Elliott Kalan

[38:11] Excuse me.

[38:11] I'm having a private conversation here.

Dan McCoy

[38:13] I'm Dan McCoy.

[38:15] Yeah, you're on speaker.

[38:15] I'm sorry.

[38:16] I forget what my nickname is.

[38:18] Really?

[38:19] Because his nickname he said was Mad Cat.

Elliott Kalan

[38:21] I imagine it's too hard to guess what your nickname would be if it was Mad Dog.

[38:25] Was it Mad Dog?

[38:26] Don't ask me.

[38:26] I'm new to this conversation.

[38:28] Seems like that would be the obvious thing.

Dan McCoy

[38:30] Why don't you call me that?

[38:31] We'll see if I answer to it.

Elliott Kalan

[38:33] I mean, you may be calling yourself Mad Dog, but right now I'm the dog.

[38:36] He's getting pretty mad.

Dan McCoy

[38:37] We'll see if I answer to my name.

[38:40] Hey, I just want to offer you some restaurant-quality Tostitos if you could just take a little info from me right now.

Elliott Kalan

[38:48] You are speaking up music to my ears and to my taste buds.

[38:53] You know I love Tostitos.

[38:54] It's a restaurant-quality chip.

[38:57] Normally, you would have to go to a restaurant to get that, but you can just have them in your house.

[39:01] Like you just buy a bag and leave it in your pantry.

[39:03] Oh, I want some chips.

[39:04] I guess I better go to a restaurant.

[39:05] Open the pantry to get your keys.

[39:07] You keep them in the pantry sometimes.

[39:08] There's Tostitos.

[39:09] You don't have to go to a restaurant anymore.

[39:11] You save the day.

Stuart Wellington

[39:12] Yeah, and unlike a restaurant, you get to pick the size of the bowl that your Tostitos are in.

Elliott Kalan

[39:17] That finally, freed from the tyranny of restaurant bowls, I can have like just a little bowl.

[39:21] Maybe it's just like a little finger bowl and put a few chips in it.

[39:24] Or it's like a big bowl, like a punch bowl.

[39:26] It's all crystal-cut glass.

[39:28] Oh, beautiful.

[39:29] Yep.

[39:30] And the most beautiful thing about it is it's full of restaurant-quality Tostitos.

Dan McCoy

[39:34] I'll send you some if you just let me say something to you for a second.

[39:39] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[39:39] Here's my address.

[39:41] Sylvester Stallone, 123 Future Street, Time Cop, America.

[39:45] Wait, you weren't even in Time Cop.

Stuart Wellington

[39:48] Why would you?

[39:49] More of a Demolition Man Boulevard.

Elliott Kalan

[39:51] No, no, no.

[39:51] No, no.

[39:51] I bought Time Cop and I live there now.

Dan McCoy

[39:53] Oh, you bought stock in Time Cop?

[39:55] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[39:56] I bought the world of Time Cop because whenever you make a movie, that world comes into existence.

[40:00] I don't know if you're aware of that.

[40:01] In a way, yeah, yeah.

[40:01] That's what Alan Moore told me.

[40:03] Here's the thing.

[40:03] In the Demolition Man world, since every restaurant's a Taco Bell, you can't get restaurant-quality

[40:07] chips at home.

[40:08] You gotta go to a restaurant.

[40:09] But in Time Cop, you could just buy Tostitos.

[40:12] They still have that in that future.

[40:13] Demolition Man, they don't have it anymore.

[40:16] Hmm.

[40:17] Plus, Time Cop has regular toilets, whereas Demolition Man has weird toilets.

[40:22] So I didn't want to live in that future.

[40:23] I want a regular toilet.

[40:24] So I bought the Time Cop world and I live in it now.

Stuart Wellington

[40:27] That's why there's that scene in Time Cop where he just uses a regular toilet to end.

Dan McCoy

[40:31] Well, you know what?

[40:32] We don't want to keep you any longer.

[40:34] We're gonna, we're gonna, we'll let you go.

Elliott Kalan

[40:36] I got nothing but time.

Dan McCoy

[40:38] This has been really...

Elliott Kalan

[40:39] So what did, and what did you want to, so I realized there was probably a reason for

[40:43] calling me.

[40:43] You didn't want to just offer me Tostitos as beautiful as a world as that would be.

[40:48] Oh, yeah.

[40:48] If I lived in a world where Tostitos were offered, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[40:50] We didn't include any of your movies in our sports game.

[40:53] We're sorry.

[40:54] But in a way...

[40:55] You what?

[40:56] But we've centered you.

[40:57] You what?

[40:58] Kind of in a way.

[40:59] You, excuse me.

[41:00] In a way you have a...

[41:01] Excuse me.

Elliott Kalan

[41:03] A whole round.

[41:04] None of the Rockies?

[41:06] Nope.

[41:06] Well, at least, but you didn't mention any boxing movies, right?

[41:10] Uh, I think we did have a movie about a kangaroo that boxed.

[41:14] Oh, you're right.

[41:14] You talked about Matilda, but you didn't talk about the Rocky movies?

[41:18] Are you kidding me?

[41:20] You're kidding me.

[41:21] I mean...

[41:22] We're not.

[41:22] Are you kidding me?

[41:23] This is the worst insult since Matilda snubbed us and wouldn't appear in Rocky 2, which was

[41:28] originally going to be called Rocky 2, Rocky versus a kangaroo.

[41:31] And we had to rewrite the whole thing and change the movie because we couldn't get the kangaroo.

[41:35] And the kangaroo was like, oh, I'm not alive anymore.

[41:37] I can't be in this movie.

[41:38] And I was like, you're dead to me.

[41:40] And like, I was so mad about it.

[41:41] I mean, yeah.

[41:42] For Tavera and I was...

[41:43] I mean, technically in Matilda, the kangaroo is played by a man in a suit.

[41:47] We were going to do it.

[41:47] We were going to do it that way too.

[41:48] Wait, really?

[41:49] Yes.

[41:50] And it was going to be...

[41:51] It was going to be mo-cap.

[41:52] Stuart, have you seen Matilda?

[41:54] No.

Dan McCoy

[41:54] You looked at me as if you had seen the movie and were so, you know, amazed by the effect

[42:02] that it wasn't an actual kangaroo.

Elliott Kalan

[42:05] Let me take back the curtain.

[42:06] The real story is not the kangaroo said no.

[42:08] Because we were going to do it mo-cap style.

[42:10] We were going to capture Moe Howard of the Three Stooges.

[42:12] Uh-huh.

[42:12] And make him play the kangaroo.

[42:14] But I believe he had died by that point.

[42:16] And so we couldn't...

[42:17] Like a kangaroo does.

[42:18] Exactly.

[42:19] Like a kangaroo will often do.

[42:20] So none of the Rocky movies were in your sports game?

[42:25] No.

[42:26] I mean...

[42:27] Not even...

[42:27] Wait.

[42:27] What about Over the Top?

[42:29] Name a better movie about professional arm wrestling.

[42:31] I dare you.

[42:32] I dare you.

Elliott Kalan

[42:32] I dare you.

Stuart Wellington

[42:32] There is a better movie about arm wrestling than...

[42:34] I dare you.

[42:35] Now, this probably isn't the only example of a Sylvester being foiled by a kangaroo, right?

[42:40] Didn't Sylvester the Cat get his ass beat repeatedly by...

Elliott Kalan

[42:43] By Hippity Hopper, I believe was his name.

[42:45] Although he was under the misapprehension that that was a giant mouse.

[42:50] Oh, yeah.

[42:51] Which is understandable if you've never seen a real kangaroo.

[42:57] The tale is oft told how an escaped kangaroo sighted by New Jersey residents was mistaken for the Jersey legend.

[43:05] The Jersey devil of legend.

[43:07] So Jersey legend is, of course, John Legend's brother.

[43:10] I meant the Jersey devil, a New Jersey legend of the Pine Barrens.

[43:14] I mean, like Bruce Springsteen probably is Jersey.

[43:17] Is that the Jersey legend?

[43:18] Yeah.

[43:18] Yeah, Bruce Springsteen is also a Jersey legend, but it's not his name.

[43:21] Pine Barrens, of course, the brother of Chris Pine.

[43:24] Now, did you talk...

[43:26] Sadly, unable to have children.

[43:28] Yeah, it's because of that thing.

[43:30] Now, so did you talk about my soccer movie, Victory, or Escape to Victory, as it's also known?

[43:37] No, we made it pretty clear we didn't talk about any of the movies.

[43:41] Prisoner of War sort of breakout film.

Dan McCoy

[43:43] And what sport did the Prisoners of War play?

[43:45] No, I realized that they play soccer.

[43:47] It just doesn't seem to be primarily...

Stuart Wellington

[43:49] Yeah, they're like, let's cast Pele in this movie.

[43:53] Maybe it should be about baseball.

Elliott Kalan

[43:54] I could...

[43:55] But I understand.

[43:56] I understand that you're saying that.

[43:57] It's like, it would be like calling The Last Boy Scout a football movie.

[44:00] Who would do that?

[44:01] Who would do such a crazy thing?

[44:03] Something like that.

[44:04] Anyway, you know what?

[44:05] You guys are making me laugh.

[44:06] I just remembered that I'm a very rich movie star, and I don't need to be in your little game on your...

[44:11] What is this?

[44:12] Like a show-and-tell thing for school?

Stuart Wellington

[44:14] Time's up, basically.

[44:16] Yeah, we're putting out a play for our parents.

Elliott Kalan

[44:18] Oh, that's really adorable.

[44:19] Well, anyway, if I can donate some Tostitos to the after party, I'd be happy to do it.

[44:24] In exchange for the Tostitos you said you were going to send me.

[44:26] Yeah.

[44:26] Sure, sure, sure.

[44:27] Really salves the wound of not being included in your little play.

[44:31] For the future, I'm happy to be in school plays.

[44:34] I love to act.

[44:35] How do we hang up?

[44:35] It's my passion.

[44:36] My passions go like this.

[44:38] Acting, number one.

[44:40] Number two, screenwriting.

[44:41] Number three, kangaroos.

[44:43] They're just an amazing animal, and I just wish I could work with one.

[44:46] Yeah, we could just hang up.

Dan McCoy

[44:48] We'll get in touch with your agent whenever another school project comes up.

[44:53] That would be wonderful.

[44:54] We'll let you go now.

Elliott Kalan

[44:55] Here, let me show you what I can do.

[44:57] Teeth are important.

[44:58] All people are born with 30 teeth.

[45:00] Is that true?

[45:01] You're going to have to write the script for me.

Dan McCoy

[45:03] Click.

[45:03] Yeah, we'll get Tony Gilroy to work on that.

[45:06] Dan, you hung up already.

[45:07] You hung up already.

Elliott Kalan

[45:07] He got distracted and you hung up.

[45:08] Stop talking.

[45:10] You both did a great job winning over.

[45:13] I didn't think you were going to be able to do it, but you really won over so much just alone.

[45:16] I think I'm going to hand it to Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[45:18] Dan, while I kept him busy, Dan came up with a strategy.

Elliott Kalan

[45:24] Dan, you got him so mad, but in the end, I guess you negged him, and that allowed him to be open to talking to you more afterwards.

[45:31] So you know what?

[45:33] Stewart had a four-point lead going into that round, but for winning over Stallone, Sly himself so well, you get four points from that round.

[45:43] And Stewart gets zero.

[45:44] It's a tie game here on the Fieldhouse.

[45:46] It is a tie.

[45:48] Just like football.

[45:49] The feud continues.

[45:51] Just like what?

[45:52] Football.

[45:53] Yep.

[45:54] Just like in the beautiful game.

[45:56] It is a tie.

[45:57] And so normally we'd go into sudden death, wherein you guys would both have to act out the entirety of the movie sudden death to me.

[46:04] And I would grade you on your performance.

[46:06] But we just don't have the time.

[46:07] It's a hockey movie.

[46:08] It's a flop house mini.

[46:09] It is a hockey movie.

[46:11] Yes.

[46:12] It's a hockey movie.

Stuart Wellington

[46:12] I'll be Powers Booth.

[46:13] You can be Jean-Claude Van Damme.

[46:14] Okay.

[46:15] Cool.

Elliott Kalan

[46:15] Yeah.

[46:16] So Dan, get your, I think, penguin mascot costume on.

[46:20] Mm-hmm.

[46:21] But we don't have time for that.

[46:22] That's the end of our flop house mini.

[46:24] This has been the Fieldhouse.

[46:25] We still don't know who is the biggest sports movie fan of all time, the Mad Dog or the Mad Cat.

[46:30] Maybe we'll figure it out next time.

[46:31] I want to thank both of our contestants, Dan Mad Dog McCoy and Stewart Mad Cat Wellington.

[46:36] I want to thank our producer, Alex Smith, who hopefully put in some sports sounds but left a few of the times when I go, whistle sound.

[46:42] We are part of the Maximum Fun Network.

[46:44] Go to MaximumFun.org to check out their other shows or even become a MaxFun member or buy some Flophouse merchandise.

[46:50] There's lots of ways to support us.

[46:52] Until next time, this has been Elliot Mad Mouse Kalen saying I'll see you at the sports game.

[47:00] Honk.

Stuart Wellington

[47:01] You know, in Ted Lasso, one of the characters, doesn't use a whistle because he's scared of them.

[47:06] So he just says whistle when he wants to say whistle sound.

Elliott Kalan

[47:08] Oh, does he?

[47:10] But you've never seen Ted Lasso?

[47:11] I've never seen Ted Lasso.

[47:13] So what are you going to do?

[47:14] All right.

[47:15] So maybe I'll say air horn.

[47:18] Alex, maybe you want me to go air horn.

[47:20] That's fine.

[47:22] No, I think what you did was good.

[47:30] MaximumFun.org.

Dan McCoy

[47:31] Comedy and culture.

[47:33] Artist owned.

[47:34] Audience supported.

FH Mini 81 - The Field House

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