Ep# 397 - 65

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss 65.

[0:03] Did it make us Smilodon or leave us Dino Sour?

[0:09] There's no Smilodons in the movie.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:38] I'm dancing Dan McCoy, but I think the circus music for some reason, you dance to circus

[0:49] music.

[0:50] Yeah, fine.

[0:51] And who are you guys?

[0:52] Well, today I'm going to be all business boy, Stuart Wellington.

[0:56] No, we're going to we're not going to get along.

[0:58] And you're too silly to business.

[1:02] And I'm reflecting on my regrets.

[1:04] Elliot Kalin.

[1:05] Oh, the things I should have done differently.

[1:08] The doors I should have opened and the ones I should have left closed.

[1:11] So you're just playing your normal self.

[1:14] Not that different from normal.

[1:16] That's Elliot when he's in the shower and there's nothing to distract him from the things

[1:20] that he wishes he hadn't done.

[1:22] And usually they're just embarrassing things.

[1:24] They're not that horrible.

[1:25] What normally distracts you in the shower?

[1:28] Your wiener or your phone?

[1:31] What are you doing?

[1:32] Yeah.

[1:33] Taking pictures of my wiener with my phone, then my phone gets wrecked because the water

[1:36] and the pictures don't come out.

[1:38] Yeah.

[1:39] You got to put it in a Ziploc baggie.

[1:40] You know, that's why I keep a Polaroid camera in the shower with me.

[1:43] But I can't share those pictures with anybody on the Internet because it's a Polaroid.

[1:47] You know, I mean, you can take up to speaker that I like, listen to music or podcasts in

[1:52] the shower frequently.

[1:54] The problem, like I did realize and I hesitate to reveal this on air, lest it encouraged

[2:00] people to listen to less of our podcasts, which pays our bills.

[2:05] But I found a certain point that the incessant chatter of the modern world was actually killing

[2:10] me.

[2:11] And so I tried to cut back and have more sort of silence in my life.

[2:16] But you know, yeah, but I do like having the speaker on.

[2:21] So should we just just sit here?

[2:23] Yeah.

[2:24] Let's just exist in the moment.

[2:25] You know what?

[2:26] This is your meditation podcast, guys.

[2:28] Everyone who's listening, just get ready for two hours of unmitigated silence.

[2:35] Welcome to welcome to the Flophouse meditation podcast.

[2:38] Unfortunately, the soothing whale songs could not arrive today.

[2:42] The whales were double booked.

[2:43] So we do have soothing dolphin songs.

[2:48] Just take a breathe in.

[2:50] Now just breathe out.

[2:53] Elliot's voice is reaching such high pitches that Zoom is like, stop it.

[3:00] My recording device is it has its hands out begging me to stop the noises.

[3:07] Silence would be good since the movie we're talking about today has very little dialogue

[3:09] in it.

[3:10] And it features one of the stars of the movie Silence.

[3:13] Oh, yeah.

[3:14] Yeah.

[3:15] Yeah.

[3:16] Yeah.

[3:17] Yeah.

[3:18] Yeah.

[3:19] Yeah.

[3:20] Yeah.

[3:21] Yeah.

[3:22] Yeah.

[3:23] Yeah.

[3:24] Yeah.

[3:25] Yeah.

[3:26] OK, so let me reset for new listeners who are very confused and probably won't listen

[3:27] again.

[3:28] This is a podcast.

[3:29] No, not after those dolphin sounds where we watch a movie that is purported to be bad

[3:31] either by critics or audiences.

[3:34] And then we talk about it.

[3:35] In this case, the movie was sixty five.

[3:39] Those are the numerals.

[3:40] Yeah.

[3:41] Six and five.

[3:42] You're looking at a numbers month.

[3:43] Yeah.

[3:44] And this is a movie that Sammy Hagar can drive.

[3:47] Oh, nice.

[3:48] That's really cool.

[3:50] Yeah.

[3:51] Yeah.

[3:52] As Stuart points out, of course, we had 84 Brady, 65.

[3:56] We're going down.

[3:57] That's right.

[3:58] As we continue numbers month here on the Flophouse, doing numbers themed titles, M for Y.

[4:05] Yeah.

[4:06] May.

[4:07] Yeah.

[4:08] Yeah.

[4:09] And in this case, yeah, we did sixty five.

[4:12] The movie about Adam Driver meeting dinosaurs is an interesting way to describe it.

[4:17] Yeah.

[4:18] Before we get into the the the plot of this one, I remember when the trailer dropped online,

[4:24] my little film circle was very excited, like Adam Driver is going to fight dinosaurs.

[4:29] Did you see that trailer yet?

[4:31] It's produced by Sam Raimi.

[4:32] Yeah.

[4:33] But I didn't actually I didn't see the trailer for a little bit.

[4:35] And then all I remember of it was the the the shot later on where there's a T-Rex right

[4:40] behind Adam D. Yeah, I got to say that the trailer didn't do a whole lot for me.

[4:46] I mean, as a as a trailer like Adam Driver and dinosaurs sounds appealing, although I

[4:51] feel like for you as a friend who helps you move.

[4:53] Yeah.

[4:54] I mean, am I crazy at this point in my life?

[4:56] I was more excited by the presence of Adam Driver than I was about the promise of dinosaurs.

[5:01] Yes.

[5:02] And here's and this is I kind of felt the same way.

[5:04] And this is coming from a real hardcore dinosaur kid.

[5:07] I love dinosaurs.

[5:08] Oh, no offense.

[5:10] You look like a dude who knows a fuckload about dinosaurs.

[5:13] Thank you.

[5:14] Hey, wait a minute.

[5:15] I've been I've been binging a podcast called Terrible Lizards.

[5:19] That's all about dinosaurs because I feel like I'm not up on the latest science and

[5:22] I really want to be because there's been especially in the last 10, 15 years, there's been a lot

[5:25] of exciting discoveries in the world of dinosaur paleontology.

[5:28] But I love dinosaurs.

[5:30] I'll never forget seeing Jurassic Park when it came out of theaters.

[5:33] I saw it twice within 12 hours or so because I just wanted it was so amazing to me to see

[5:39] real looking dinosaurs that looked alive.

[5:42] And I think I'm just at this point, we've seen it like we've seen movies with dinosaurs.

[5:46] It's not a special thing anymore.

[5:48] And the way that they could have staked out a special territory is maybe if the dinosaurs

[5:52] in this were accurate to the latest science.

[5:55] So they looked different or weird, but instead they're just kind of your average movie dinosaurs.

[6:00] The dinosaurs in the movie act like horror monsters.

[6:03] They don't act like animals.

[6:05] Yeah, well, it's I mean, yeah, it's even more beyond them just being like movie dinosaurs.

[6:09] They're like not particularly trying to be any actual dinosaurs that existed.

[6:13] I read a little bit of the production and apparently it started out a lot more like

[6:17] what you were talking about, like, let's make it really accurate.

[6:21] And then they're like, you know what, for the type of like, this is their thinking.

[6:25] I don't know if they're right or wrong.

[6:26] But for the type of like stripped down, simple action sci fi story we're telling, it's better

[6:33] for us to just not care.

[6:36] And I think if they had if they had taken that energy and invested it into like cool

[6:40] scenes or like new things that could happen with the characters, but it's the movie itself

[6:46] feels so stripped down.

[6:47] And so I mean, spoiler alert, I guess we'll get into this more.

[6:49] It feels so stripped down and so generic and so kind of like, blah, you know, like nothing.

[6:55] I like it just feels like a very generic movie with generic dinosaurs as opposed to like

[7:00] something cool and crazy with some new hot dinosaurs that I think are going to sound

[7:05] a little something like this.

[7:09] They're dolphin dinosaurs.

[7:11] Here's the funny thing, Elliot, is like, I'm sure that, you know, I mean, you're recording

[7:14] directly into your Zoom digital recorder.

[7:16] You know it.

[7:17] As as we explained in the behind the scenes.

[7:20] Back.

[7:22] But your dolphin noises are blowing out the Zoom thing.

[7:28] So whenever you do that, I just we see we see you smiling and doing a little bit.

[7:35] We see your uvula, you know.

[7:37] Yeah, it's just like in it's just like in the company documentary when he's singing

[7:43] being alive and it's such a beautiful song, but you can see straight down his throat because

[7:47] of the angle of the camera and you just see how how much the inside of a human mouth looks

[7:51] like gore covered viscera.

[7:53] And you're like, oh, this is not the way Sondheim intended these lyrics to be taken with a sense

[7:58] of horror at what the interior of all humans.

[8:01] No, he did.

[8:01] I have him right here.

[8:05] The yeah, I mean, the well, I've always loved puzzles, Dan.

[8:11] And the ultimate puzzle is how you disassemble a human body.

[8:15] No, Stephen Sondheim, you are the Zodiac killer.

[8:17] There he is.

[8:17] The late Stephen.

[8:22] Horrible.

[8:25] I've buried each piece of James Lepine somewhere in your apartment.

[8:29] You have all the series of clues.

[8:31] For a second I thought you were going to say that you buried each piece of James Lipton

[8:35] in my apartment, which also would have been appropriate to the theater, I suppose.

[8:40] Somewhat, I guess.

[8:41] That's why there's that's why Dan's apartment has a beating of a terrible heart, you know?

[8:47] But, you know, a movie doesn't have a terrible heart like in that, like in that Bruce Springsteen

[8:50] song.

[8:51] There's the beating of a terrible heart.

[8:54] We all hear that terrible heart.

[8:57] Yep.

[8:58] So here's a beating of a telltale heart.

[9:02] Everybody has a telltale heart.

[9:04] So this movie is kind of sold on the promise that we have Adam Driver as a space traveler

[9:12] who lands on Earth.

[9:13] A space driver.

[9:14] He drives a spaceship.

[9:16] Yeah, he lands on Earth 65 million years ago.

[9:19] I wouldn't call him that.

[9:20] He's more of a space airport shuttle driver.

[9:23] He's just carrying human cargo.

[9:25] Yeah.

[9:26] And he lands on Earth 65 million years ago and there's dinosaurs there.

[9:29] And I feel like that's the kind of premise that needs like a poster with like him in

[9:35] like like a painting with him and like a ripped spacesuit with like bulging muscles and like

[9:40] very like 70s paperback thriller.

[9:43] Yeah.

[9:44] Which is one direction.

[9:45] And like in a metal bikini clinging to his leg as he stands on top of a pile of slaughtered

[9:52] dinos.

[9:53] Yes.

[9:54] Now that's I mean, I feel like that's one direction they could have gone or they could

[9:57] have gone like hyper realistic.

[9:59] And I.

[10:00] But like they ended up somewhere kind of in the middle

[10:01] that just doesn't quite work.

[10:02] And the direction they didn't take

[10:04] was to have him face One Direction on a prehistoric Earth.

[10:07] That's right, the world's favorite non-Korean boy band

[10:11] finally against Adam Driver in prehistoric Earth.

[10:13] And here's, I mean, my main issue with this is

[10:16] the movie, it sets itself up for a fall

[10:20] right at the beginning

[10:21] because a lot of what you just described

[10:24] should be a surprise.

[10:25] We should assume that this movie is set in the future

[10:27] and then it's a surprise

[10:29] when he lands on prehistoric Earth

[10:30] and we realize he's not from Earth actually.

[10:33] But the movie, as Stuart will tell us when he does the summary

[10:35] the movie starts with text that gives that game away.

[10:38] Okay, so we got some production logos

[10:41] and specifically the final logo is that TSG logo

[10:46] where a Asian Greek guy shoots an arrow

[10:49] through a bunch of axes.

[10:49] That's Odysseus proving that he's Odysseus

[10:52] by pulling back the bow only Odysseus can pull.

[10:55] I was not wrong by saying that.

[10:57] You were right that he was ancient Greek,

[10:58] that's very true.

[10:59] I was like, yes, he looks like some fucking dude's avatar

[11:02] on Twitter that has fucked up political views.

[11:05] Someone who's like, yeah, I'm a bronze age pervert.

[11:07] Anyway, so here's my, anyway,

[11:09] everything was better back in the old days

[11:11] when things were terrible, you know.

[11:12] So that, so that logo does help.

[11:13] If we went back to that time

[11:15] I'd be in the leadership position.

[11:16] There's no way that me, a moron would ever,

[11:19] it would ever occur to me

[11:20] that I might be a slave in that time period

[11:22] or die for some reason.

[11:24] I of course would be a philosopher king

[11:27] or perhaps a warrior king.

[11:28] There's no way, there's no way I would be one

[11:31] of the many teeming thousands or millions

[11:33] who were just nobodies.

[11:34] Yeah, fuck that guy we made up.

[11:36] Yeah, this guy, this guy we just made up.

[11:38] So this, I bring up the production logo.

[11:40] I mean, unfortunately we made him up,

[11:41] but he's, there's like, there's like a lot

[11:42] about that guy. He's a composite character.

[11:43] Yeah, this, I bring up the production logo

[11:46] because it dissolves into a star field

[11:49] and we're in outer space.

[11:51] We, we just.

[11:52] Odysseus is returning to the stardust

[11:54] from which all humans were formed.

[11:55] Exactly.

[11:57] We get some, a text overlay on the screen

[11:59] that says, prior to the advent of mankind

[12:02] in the infinity of space,

[12:04] other civilizations explored the heavens.

[12:08] And then we find planet Somaeris,

[12:11] which is a, we only see a little bit of,

[12:14] we see a beach and we see Adam Driver

[12:16] playing at your mills. Somaeris.

[12:18] It's all I could think of.

[12:19] Yeah, it's a planet named after,

[12:20] named after something Frazier might've said, yeah.

[12:23] Mm-hmm.

[12:26] So yeah, Adam Driver plays a character named Mills

[12:30] and he is, he is spending some time

[12:32] with his sick daughter, Naveen or Naveena.

[12:37] I don't, I don't remember.

[12:38] And.

[12:39] Very popular name these days.

[12:40] And Naveen's mom, whose character name is Naveen's mom.

[12:45] And it turns out.

[12:46] Technically her, she's listed in the credits on,

[12:48] on Wikipedia as Elia, but I don't know if she's,

[12:52] I don't know if she's ever named on screen.

[12:53] No, and on the credits just say Naveen's mom.

[12:56] Oh, so where is Wikipedia getting this,

[12:58] getting this name from?

[13:00] Like the novelization?

[13:01] Call up Alan Dean Foster.

[13:02] Ask him if he invented this name.

[13:04] I know that there were a couple of very different cuts

[13:08] of this movie that were tested out.

[13:11] Maybe they got it from an alternate version

[13:13] that got in a little more detail.

[13:15] Should've given us the extra dino cut.

[13:17] I will say this, that opening text, I love it.

[13:20] I love it in a different movie.

[13:22] Anything that is saying before humans,

[13:24] the other species explore the infinite cosmos,

[13:28] I'm on board.

[13:29] But then when I find out that that other species

[13:31] is just like Adam Driver and his family

[13:33] and they hang out on the beach, I'm less interested.

[13:35] Less excited.

[13:36] They're hanging out on the beach, they're explaining he,

[13:38] Mills is taking a new job.

[13:41] It requires him to go on an exploratory run for two years,

[13:45] but it's going to triple his salary

[13:46] because he needs that money to pay for his sick daughters,

[13:50] like life-saving treatment,

[13:52] which right away, guys, I got to say,

[13:53] I'm like, oh, fuck this.

[13:55] Like in the infinite cosmos, again, we have what?

[13:59] Health insurance?

[14:00] Like, what the fuck?

[14:01] Are like, healthcare is tied in

[14:05] with our fucking employment again?

[14:06] Jesus Christ.

[14:07] Yeah, even before that.

[14:08] Well, that's the thing, God created that.

[14:09] Even before the advent of humanity,

[14:11] God created an employer-based health insurance system.

[14:14] Yeah.

[14:15] And I like a blue collar sci-fi story.

[14:19] I love aliens.

[14:21] I keep telling you, the movie Blue Collar

[14:22] is not a science fiction story, it's set in the 1970s.

[14:25] Sadly, it's very, very real.

[14:27] Yeah, or like, as I said, Stars, My Destination.

[14:30] Or like, this whole, the premise of the movie

[14:33] basically feels like a mix between like,

[14:35] dead space and truck dinosaur hunter, kind of.

[14:38] See, I actually liked this setup

[14:43] because I found it pretty efficient

[14:45] in like, getting me on board with these characters

[14:49] without being too, like, I mean like,

[14:53] it was very obvious, but it didn't feel like,

[14:55] as clunky as a lot of movies handle this kind of material.

[14:59] And then-

[15:00] I would say, oh, sorry,

[15:01] finish what you were saying then.

[15:02] Oh, just like, I was more mad than later on,

[15:04] spoiler alert, like, we learned that this daughter

[15:08] has like, died during his time in space, you know?

[15:12] And I found that kind of just sort of mean

[15:17] on the behalf of the movie in a weird way.

[15:20] It is somewhat, I would say like a Chet GPT written script,

[15:24] it is efficient, but soulless.

[15:27] Yeah.

[15:27] There was nothing, it is very efficient.

[15:28] It gets the information out of the way,

[15:30] but there was nothing about it where I was like,

[15:32] oh, these characters feel alive.

[15:33] There's something about them that's interesting or unique.

[15:36] It just was like-

[15:36] And the thing is, if you're gonna introduce

[15:38] that kind of a thing where it's like,

[15:40] okay, even in this fantasy universe,

[15:42] capitalism is basically crushing us.

[15:44] Like, if they, I mean, I feel like if they built into that

[15:48] and added more to that theme throughout the rest

[15:50] of the movie, I would have been like, okay, yeah,

[15:52] I'm into it, but it felt like it was like,

[15:54] just as you said, just like churned out by a,

[15:56] like, let's get this out of the way.

[15:57] This makes sense.

[15:58] People will immediately understand.

[15:59] It looks like someone was selecting from a menu of options

[16:03] for reasons to care about a character.

[16:06] And they're like, oh, okay, sick kid.

[16:07] Great, we'll do it, yeah.

[16:09] So as I said, the next thing we see is sometime later,

[16:15] Mills is sleeping on a spaceship.

[16:19] That spaceship goes through an,

[16:20] as of now, uncharted asteroid field,

[16:23] and he has to do some quick evasive maneuvers.

[16:26] They get, the ship gets damaged,

[16:28] and he has to crash land on a undocumented planet,

[16:32] which will-

[16:33] You were about to say space planet.

[16:34] Yes, space planet, which, of course,

[16:36] we will later find out is Earth.

[16:38] And he manages to send out a distress signal

[16:42] at the last minute, giving their coordinates.

[16:45] Ship has crashed in a swamp.

[16:47] He's been injured.

[16:49] Half the ship is missing.

[16:50] The cryo units are damaged,

[16:52] and it seems like he's the only survivor.

[16:55] Yeah, and so I have to wonder,

[16:59] like, is this the exploratory mission

[17:02] he was talking about earlier?

[17:04] Because, like, this seems like maybe we've jumped ahead.

[17:07] This is a different mission,

[17:08] because, like, why is there a bunch of cryo people

[17:10] that he's shuttling somewhere?

[17:11] I think when he said,

[17:12] well, he is bringing colonists to a colony.

[17:16] So I think that's, when he,

[17:18] if they refer to it as an exploratory mission earlier,

[17:20] it's a, it's an unfortunately confusing way to describe it.

[17:25] I think, I'm not sure if he is looking for a,

[17:27] for a habitable planet for them,

[17:29] or if they know the place they're going to

[17:31] and he's dropping them off,

[17:32] but that's, but this is that mission.

[17:33] I don't think he was like,

[17:34] yeah, I'm on this two-year mission.

[17:36] Anyway, I took another job,

[17:38] well, right after I finished, you know.

[17:40] I think it's a, this is supposed to be that mission.

[17:43] If it's not supposed to be that mission,

[17:44] then it's a crazy way to write a movie.

[17:45] It's a weird, extra weird setup.

[17:47] So he, like, he tries to record another log

[17:51] or another distress signal,

[17:52] giving an update as to his situation,

[17:54] but he doesn't have the heart.

[17:56] He contemplates suicide,

[17:57] but the memory of his daughter is what keeps him going,

[18:01] staves off that impulse.

[18:03] So he treks through the swamp.

[18:05] We have, like, some sinister creatures in the background,

[18:07] but nothing particular,

[18:09] just an overwhelming sense of dread.

[18:10] There's dead bodies.

[18:11] The thing happens where he's, like, wading through a swamp

[18:13] and there's, like, some kind of sea serpent that rises,

[18:16] that is, like, breaking the surface of the water around him,

[18:19] but he doesn't notice and doesn't interact with him.

[18:21] Perfect for a 70s paperback sci-fi novel cover.

[18:25] He finds one of the,

[18:27] all the other cryo units are damaged.

[18:29] Everybody else seems dead,

[18:31] but he does find one cryo unit with a survivor in it,

[18:34] a young girl that we'll learn is named Koa,

[18:37] who he rescues and takes back to the crash site,

[18:40] but on his way back,

[18:42] he finds a massive footprint

[18:43] that looks just like a tyrannosaurus rex's footprint,

[18:46] and we hear dinosaur roars,

[18:48] and then, boom, 17 minutes in, title, baby,

[18:51] 65 on the screen, and it says with the text,

[18:55] 65 million years ago, a visitor crash landed on Earth,

[19:01] and we see they're on Earth, baby.

[19:05] Which seems like a perfect way to reveal that information

[19:07] if you hadn't already set up

[19:09] that they were not from Earth at the very beginning.

[19:10] Well, I mean, they know, here's the fucking thing,

[19:12] like, no movie can have a surprise anymore.

[19:14] The way things are marketed, this thing, like,

[19:17] Barbarian had a surprise, Dan.

[19:18] The twist was revealed in all of the ads.

[19:21] Good point, good point, Barbarian,

[19:23] but even then, even if on the first release,

[19:26] a lot of that stuff, and I know,

[19:27] I'm usually a fan also of, like,

[19:29] why are you hiding the monster so much?

[19:30] Like, we're gonna see it on the poster,

[19:32] you know, why are you doing this?

[19:34] Like, with critters.

[19:35] Why are you pretending we're not gonna see what a critter is?

[19:37] But the rebuttal to my own complaint from that,

[19:40] and this is that, like, if you believe in this movie,

[19:44] it's gonna have a life long past the original release,

[19:47] and it's gonna be seen by many people

[19:48] who haven't seen the trailer, and, like,

[19:51] the fact, I mean, at this point,

[19:53] everyone knows the end of Planet of the Apes,

[19:54] and when they release it on DVD,

[19:56] they have the Statue of Liberty scene

[19:58] on the cover of the DVD, but, like,

[20:00] You still at least when you're making the movie may bring us into that story as if you know the story

[20:05] Story, you know, I'm not arguing against you in a perfect world

[20:08] I just know the world we live in where this is all gonna be revealed what I love

[20:12] I would love more movies where I end up being surprised because everything isn't revealed

[20:20] Immediately and I don't know exactly what it is before I walk into the theater and I say this as a person who?

[20:25] Likes to read things about movies ahead of time

[20:29] But I try and skip over anything that I think is actually gonna to spoil any like plot details

[20:33] But I mean, but I just know that they know that this is gonna happen

[20:37] unfortunately in that case then they should go the other way and like just not worry about a twist like at the beginning just be

[20:42] Like welcome to Gleep Zorp. I'm uh, I'm my name's my name's Grinkegronk and we're all aliens

[20:47] Oh, we've got to go but don't crash land on earth. Yeah, the monster planet. Why would I go there?

[20:53] Lizard monsters now. Oh, no. Oh shit. We're on the lizard monster planet. Oh, damn it. Oh god

[20:59] This is no one ever comes back from here

[21:02] Which is this movie should have been called Gleep Zorp and Glizzazonks big adventure

[21:11] So he he starts he's exploring surroundings

[21:14] He's looking for the the back half of the crash shuttle because that has the escape shuttle a part of it

[21:20] And he's hoping that will let him get off this fucking planet

[21:24] meanwhile, he

[21:26] Finds a bunch of dino bones and claws right by a geyser

[21:31] and the geyser almost roasts him but he

[21:35] Survives and catalogs this dangerous terrain feature for later use

[21:42] Real quick I gotta say on the subject of geysers, okay

[21:46] recently on

[21:49] Recently recently on law and order Stabler had to go undercover because there was somebody as a dating app guys

[21:55] If you're gonna keep interrupting me, I'm gonna go longer

[22:02] Stabler played by Christopher Maloney is on this show called law and order. Okay, are you following me? Okay, so he's

[22:11] Yep, he is he is in the show law and order where he plays a detective and his character's name is Stabler

[22:17] And he has to go undercover on a game. I'm Lonnie from wet hot American summer

[22:21] Yes, and he has to go undercover on a gay dating app because somebody's been using that to commit crimes

[22:25] So, of course, there's jokes about like Christopher Maloney being like wait, am I a daddy and it's like no shit. You're a daddy

[22:31] Yeah, you're Stanley Tucci

[22:32] so the the thing is that

[22:35] That dating app on the show is called geyser

[22:38] G-u-y-s-e-r and I gotta say it's a good name fucking incredible. And that's the reason why writers deserve fair pay

[22:45] Thank you

[22:48] Beautiful, yeah

[22:50] We didn't know you were doing you were being think of the imagery that a dating app called geyser

[22:56] Creates in your mind. Yeah something spouting out hot

[23:01] Liquid all over everything. Yeah

[23:04] You're gonna explode. I don't want that like we're like perfect. They're like explode on you or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love it so much

[23:10] Yeah, can I?

[23:12] Great name for that all the writers the writers for law and order should get should win like a hundred Emmys just for that

[23:17] As long as we're talking about things related to the landscape something a little less

[23:22] Jizz oriented. Um, is that possible? I just wanted to say that I mean according to this one

[23:27] I don't have your world guys according to this one James Tiptree story

[23:30] All of humanity is just basically sperm carriers for a very larger organism that reproduces by having us colonize the universe

[23:38] until we encounter specific

[23:40] very

[23:41] Cogent and very story. It's a great story. No, I I just wanted to say that I texted

[23:48] Elliot and Stuart this but I want to say on air I will give the movie this in terms of like I

[23:54] Saw the trailer and I was like, this is gonna look like every other sort of

[24:00] Mid budget which now in the era era of only blockbusters means low budget. It feels like

[24:07] Action science fiction movie it's gonna look to like grimy and gritty. It's gonna look to digital and

[24:15] I have to say that this movie I feel like looks pretty good

[24:19] Like there are some sort of gray times

[24:22] But that's connected to like if it's raining or foggy like and then there's some Sun

[24:28] Told me legends of the gray times when the old world. That's what Liam Neeson fights fucking

[24:34] But you get

[24:36] Liam Neeson's he's just at he's just at his kids parent-teacher meeting and some wolves walk in this another great time

[24:42] Okay, just straps the mini bottles to his fingers and goes hogwild on him like the movie is atmospheric

[24:48] But you also get things that are like full Sun and it seems like for the most part what they did was they found

[24:55] real locations and then they're augmented by

[24:59] Digital stuff obviously, but but a lot of it is

[25:03] Shot in in an actual place rather than just on a soundstage somewhere and I appreciated that

[25:08] I will I will give it credit on the low bar of it. It clearly showing us a real location

[25:15] I wish something more interesting was happening in that location. Yeah

[25:17] No, sure sure considering that again, we're dealing with the premise of space traveler fights dinosaurs. Okay, so he mills sees a

[25:25] Reflection of something metallic on a nearby mountain and his little scanner thing

[25:30] He sees his reflection in the snow-covered hill with landslide coming down. Mm-hmm, and he

[25:35] He realized he finds out that's where the escape shuttle is. It's a mere 15 kilometers away

[25:42] He's gonna have to get his ass over there

[25:45] That they use kilometers in this alien race or it's just that they translated all of his language into English

[25:50] So why not? I find that if I start worrying about that sort of thing, I go insane. Mm-hmm. Okay fair

[25:58] Like distance slings or

[26:03] Space units, you know, like yes space miles

[26:14] But before we can head before we can make myself which of course stands for space miles

[26:20] Before he can head to that crash

[26:22] He gets attacked by a very small dinosaur and he bludgeons it to death assuming it's some kind of alien or something. I guess

[26:33] This dinosaur also jumps out of nowhere, it's yeah, it's a very funny

[26:38] Just leaping out of yeah

[26:41] This can of peanuts, let me open

[26:45] A dinosaur also, also, unfortunately guys because Adam driver bludgeoned that dinosaur. My grandfather doesn't exist

[26:52] So I don't know

[26:54] Sound of thunder. Yeah, the classic story a sound of bludgeoning

[26:59] So koa the young girl the survivor wakes up and follows him and they find the carcass of a big dinosaur

[27:05] Turns out that she doesn't speak the same language as Mills and so they have some trouble communicating

[27:11] But he explains that they need to get to this crash crash site

[27:14] He makes like a little diorama or display or drawing using red dust or spice or something

[27:20] He draws a reference to the safari movie red dust and he lies to her or dust devil

[27:27] He lies to her and says that her family's up there though. He knows full well that her family is most likely dead

[27:35] You know what? I don't call red dust a safari movie. It takes place in a jungle, but it's not a safari

[27:39] Thank you

[27:41] They're in they're in French Indochina, it's they're not in Africa. So I apologize

[27:46] It's a it's a reference to the to the jungle movie red dust

[27:50] So they're hiking cross-country trying to avoid the notice of predators. They bond a little over

[27:56] poisonous berries

[27:58] Giant bugs and they rescue a baby dino from a tar pit only to watch you get torn apart by a bunch of other little

[28:05] Dinos. Yeah

[28:07] A real sad moment when they're like we saved it

[28:11] Yeah, I was surprised the movie was that mean because you know

[28:14] Honestly, like the thing about this movie is a lot of it feels like it could just be

[28:18] Like this would be a good movie for older kids. I feel like yeah, you know like this feels like a young adult adventure

[28:26] It's very confined. It's you know

[28:30] Adaptation of a choose-your-own-adventure novel. Yeah

[28:33] Again like again this like has all the beats of a like a survival horror game

[28:38] I think you know what this would be you're right

[28:40] This would be a good entry-level like if you want to show like a 10 or 11 year old

[28:43] if you interest in the idea of like science fiction adventure movies and

[28:47] They haven't seen this kind of story before and there's nothing particularly scary or too violent or you know offensive. Yeah

[28:54] so he

[28:56] He ends up losing

[28:57] His signal so he has to climb a tree to get a better signal on the escape craft only to fall and dislocate his

[29:03] Shoulder that was for him

[29:05] Koa has that help him pop it back into into place

[29:09] Just in time to start blasting an ambush from a bunch of dinosaurs that that fall not to not to bring in a frame of

[29:17] Reference that Stewart doesn't understand but that fall reminded me of when you're playing a Dungeons & Dragons game and it's like oh, yeah

[29:22] I just have to hop across this thing. Okay roll like a to dexterity and you roll a one

[29:26] It's like oh you fell in and broke your neck like it's something that should be very easy roll

[29:30] Destroys you yeah, we got ants on his hand

[29:33] It ants on his hand they fell so he dislocates his shoulder and these like dinosaurs start getting ready to pounce out of the mist

[29:40] And he's like, okay step on my hand and then they pop it back in just in time for him to like

[29:45] It's like one smooth motion pop shoulder back in

[29:49] Gunstock goes to shoulder and he starts blasting and I kind of like the like sound of the pulse rifle here

[29:54] Like sound yeah of it. Sure. Yeah, and this is like this is what the

[30:00] The IMDb trivia for this movie said something like this is the only movie where Adam Driver

[30:10] Marine has been able to use his some of his weapons training and I'm like it can't be true

[30:16] there's no way the marines didn't teach him how to punch walls like he does

[30:22] that level yeah I'm not gonna get into that um okay this is how marine wins an argument

[30:27] Semper Fi hit the wall uh okay so uh there's gonna be two hits me hitting the wall

[30:35] me I guess hitting the floor because I fainted because of the pain of hitting the wall yeah

[30:39] they're like so you're like the marine driver this is where we're going to teach you how to

[30:44] treat a puppet of a little girl as if it was a real little girl you don't think you're going

[30:48] to use this training what you will and when he's on the set of Annette he was like all my marine's

[30:52] training is finally coming into coming in handy I never thought I'd use it but now I am

[30:57] don't worry Stuart there's a little plot we'll still get through it yeah no I was kind of worried

[31:01] because we haven't even made a single joke about the fact that like do you think there was ever a

[31:05] point where Adam Driver was like you could shrink me down I could be a mini driver and they're like

[31:10] we're not legally allowed to do that we can't call you mini driver there's no human being called

[31:14] that what have you de-aged me into a baby driver again we can't we can't do that not allowed to do

[31:19] that what if you killed everyone else named driver so now I'm the driver again that sounds

[31:26] even less legal than us infringing on the copyrights what if you wrote a book about

[31:31] me and I was a paperback driver that song is called paperback writer Adam Driver it's not

[31:35] called paperback driver oh yeah now this the song makes more sense to me now because I was like

[31:40] how can you be a paperback driver I don't know what it is but what about when I hit that wall

[31:45] when I hit that wall would you call me drive angry and they're like well that's not your name

[31:50] well what if I what if I was real long and full of water and I was the Mississippi driver

[31:54] again that's river Mississippi river it's a different word it doesn't rhyme it doesn't

[31:58] rhyme it has a lot of the same letters there's all the same letters except for one that's true

[32:03] yeah so now and then he goes into his type 5 about the letter d you ever notice how the

[32:07] letter d changes the pronunciation of i if you stick it on top of river what's that all about

[32:12] who made those rules excuse me Mr. Alphabet can you explain this to me oh yeah d has magic powers

[32:18] sure it does anyway where did he get that where did he find that brick wall to stand

[32:22] I know it's amazing in a prehistoric world this is from Adam Driver's

[32:25] Adam Driver's comedy central roast of the alphabet he's wearing a blazer but he has a

[32:31] t-shirt under it surely not he's breaking all the rules let me do my impression of Q

[32:40] I'm scared you will you keep me company I don't want to start the letter without your help

[32:45] is that Q from Star Trek he's doing is it James Bond's cute

[32:52] here's my impression of X guys I almost never get to start a word it's not fair versus

[33:01] X-23 but she's just a little girl she's just a little girl Wolverine

[33:06] so speaking of little girls this one little girl goes running away from the dinosaurs

[33:11] with other dinosaurs and these nasty dino guys are uh chasing her and they're about to get her

[33:16] but at the last minute that's right Adam Driver shows up and scares them off saving her however

[33:22] she's a little bit traumatized so they have to play a little whistle game to uh calm down

[33:26] yep because that's when his dad's skills they have to play much as in guardians the galaxy

[33:30] volume 3 the real superpower is fatherhood it's being a dad they have a little whistle stop

[33:35] so they make camp in a little cave uh they make camp in a little cave and while they're sleeping

[33:41] a little bug crawls into Koa's mouth and Adam Driver has to blow it up it's pretty it's kind

[33:46] of gross yeah gross it's not as gross as the similar scene in the sisters brothers

[33:50] which is a grotesque scene about about uh what a spider biting him while he's sleeping

[33:55] I haven't seen it I heard oh I haven't seen that oh it's a good movie where does it bite him

[33:59] it bites him I think on the face and his face it like like blows up really gross anyway that's

[34:04] horrible yeah so uh they're like their proximity alarm goes off and they are like uh-oh is it

[34:10] another bug crawling into our mouths but nope it's a t-rex a tyrannosaurus shows up right behind them

[34:16] in a fairly effective like surprise shot so effective they have to use it in the trailer

[34:21] so he turns around and blasts it with his pulse rifle um but it's not able you don't want to use

[34:25] it in the trailer but we have to it's just too damn effective so they're they're kind of forced

[34:30] deeper into into the cave because his pulse rifle is not enough and don't worry we're going to see

[34:35] more of this treacherous tyrannosaur later in the movie uh so they're wandering through the caves

[34:41] yep they're wandering through the caves they uh eventually get stuck and they have to start

[34:46] blasting their way through using little grenades that cause the cave in and separates them

[34:51] and Adam Driver has to go back the way he came Adam Driver of course playing the character Mills

[34:55] not playing himself that would be weird all right so Mills has to make his way back he gets jumped

[35:00] by another sneaky dino and they have a little fight in the dark and he uses he uses the uh he

[35:06] uses the little uh like sonar feature of his his scanner thing to distract it before he blasts it

[35:13] so he's kind of using all his equipment pretty well here oh yeah that's the marine training you

[35:16] got you know everything you have can be used as a weapon if you need to it's very uh resourceful

[35:21] i will say that like yeah this is like he has this you know these all these weapons wonderful toys

[35:29] not where does he get them well i mean like i think that is a place

[35:33] where this movie falls down just as the movie cowboys versus aliens i believe it's called

[35:39] cowboys and aliens cowboys and aliens sorry you don't you don't know until you watch the movie

[35:43] whether they're gonna fight or not maybe they're just hanging out yeah maybe they're dating who

[35:49] knows yeah much like that fails to deliver on the promise of like oh man what if cowboys and aliens

[35:56] what if like this doesn't quite deliver on like i think that the idea is okay obviously obviously

[36:04] shout out to fred van lentie who wrote the original i think the original treatment for

[36:07] cowboys and aliens yeah oh i didn't realize that yeah obviously it was better than the

[36:11] movie fred van lentie is great and a a a in a regular adam driver just you know your uh run of

[36:20] the mill not a baby not a find in any hollywood today not a dark side jedi just a yeah just a

[36:26] just a person yeah he would not fare well against uh a jungle full of dinos you're saying like a

[36:32] lucky logan adam driver would not fare well yes a dinosaur jungle but this is one that has trying

[36:38] to drive one ironically because he's driving in that movie yeah this guy's got a bunch of space

[36:43] stuff you know he's got space so it's like a predator made of space stuff thank you yeah but

[36:48] yeah but you know what i'm saying what i'm trying to get to is like the the fun trashy version of

[36:53] this would be would lean a lot more on like okay how is a spaceman with his like space technology

[36:59] going to take on these you know primitive but dangerous and large and all over the trashy

[37:06] version kind of like a predator yeah yeah or like he has a gun that shoots like circular saw blades

[37:11] or something so he's like chopping heads off a dinosaur awesome it'd be cool right awesome yeah

[37:16] i mean i guess what i'm saying is like yeah like he's a fucking eldar guardian yeah exactly

[37:23] no i know what you're talking about dan is it clear that i don't know what he's talking about

[37:26] yeah it is no but it falls victim to the neither fish nor foul thing that stewart's talking about

[37:31] where it's like they're dinosaurs they so they are foul they're the ancestors of modern birds

[37:36] you know dinosaurs never went extinct into birds it's kind of trying to do a serious version of

[37:40] the story but but spaceman versus dinosaur is inherently a little more uh pulpy than that wants

[37:48] to be and i think the serious version of this it's weird like they're trying to do an emotionally

[37:52] serious version like he's an emotionally tortured man when it feels like the serious he hits at

[37:56] least one wall yes he does that's well that's in his contract he's got to do it the uh the

[38:01] serious version of this i feel like would be one that like takes the survival aspect of it

[38:06] yeah seriously where it's really a man against nature story where you're taking the details

[38:10] seriously and it doesn't quite do that either and then there's also dinosaurs on top and there's

[38:14] also dinosaurs yeah and but you're right it doesn't it clearly doesn't want to do the silly

[38:19] pulpy version of it where he's just like get extinct and then like blows a dionysus's head

[38:24] off which would be a crime dionysus is the best dinosaur or like jump kicks a brontosaurus's head

[38:28] right off oh man if only that's the scott adkins version i mean it is kind of like a t-ball just

[38:38] like a little bulb on the end of that strongly yeah the hard part is the jump still has a second

[38:45] brain right or a second heart or something no at best that's a nerve cluster the the hard part is

[38:51] not the knocking off the head the hard part is the vertical leap to get to that level he's gonna

[38:55] off a tree or something yeah or you gotta get a ramp and he'll just be in a tree and then sort of

[39:00] jumps down while kicking yeah maybe he's already just as he's standing on a branch and just as a

[39:05] spin kick and knocks that dino's head clean off yeah yeah yeah like like a ken style ken master

[39:11] style hurricane kick and then the and then the head flies across the horizon and it lands in

[39:15] the lap of a dinosaur that's just waking up and he looks down and screams at the severed head that

[39:19] landed in his lap yeah yeah yeah or it or it lands right in a bathtub where like a topless

[39:24] dinosaur is taking a bath with its tits out in the morning what the heck okay that's interesting

[39:30] entering like kind of howard the duck more territory with this one ducks are ducks are

[39:35] birds dinosaurs or dinosaurs are mammals so they shouldn't have that's true breaths these are well

[39:42] that's it's interesting that that dinosaurs evolved non-milk producing features that look

[39:46] like human breasts by convergent evolution and we're not sure if those are air sacs that allow

[39:53] them to make loud noises for mating purposes or if there's a defense mechanism dinosaur

[39:58] breasts are still hard to understand because they don't

[40:00] fossilized well. It's all soft tissue, so it's very rare that you get them fossilized.

[40:04] One scientist who's like, I'd like to present my theory of dinosaurs.

[40:08] There's just a bunch of slides that it's pointing to at the conference.

[40:12] They all have big bosoms. Like crude drawings that he's made.

[40:16] He's like, I'd like to draw your attention to the only evidence we have. They called me mad.

[40:20] I'd like to posit a hypothetical situation in which I am having sex with

[40:24] these bosomed dinosaurs. Allow me to click to the next slide.

[40:28] I might not be big and strong,

[40:32] but they like me because I'm a little bit goofy.

[40:36] I make them laugh. That's why they're into me.

[40:40] You know what? I attend to them. I'm not just about my pleasure.

[40:44] I'm attending to the dinos pleasure.

[40:48] He's clearly got a great imagination. Who is this guy? I don't know, but he's amazing.

[40:52] I'm putting the work in. I'm wooing them.

[40:56] I'm not just fucking these dinosaurs. I'm wooing them.

[41:00] A dino's brain is the largest erogenous zone. Their brains are surprisingly small for the size of their bodies,

[41:04] but it's still a larger erogenous zone than say the dino-clitoris,

[41:08] which is hard to find even for me.

[41:12] A guy who considers himself a dino-feminist.

[41:16] What street did we drive down? We took a wrong turn along the way.

[41:20] Meanwhile, Koa manages to

[41:24] escape to the surface.

[41:36] Koa makes a paste of poisonous berries and smears them all over a discarded dino-talon.

[41:40] Maybe that'll come up later.

[41:44] Outside of the caves, this is where we get the second real twist of the movie.

[41:48] Mills checks his scanner and it reveals a previously mentioned anomaly.

[41:52] The asteroid that ends up wiping out the dinosaurs is on a collision course with Earth.

[41:56] They gotta get off this fucking planet.

[42:00] We have a ticking time. We have a ticking clock now, folks.

[42:04] Let's get out of here.

[42:08] They didn't just land on Earth 65 million years ago. They landed the day before the dinosaurs were wiped out.

[42:12] That is bad luck.

[42:16] Although I guess it makes sense because that's why there's the asteroid field before.

[42:20] They would say that's why they crashed in the first place is because the asteroids.

[42:24] But the fact that they were passing by Earth a couple days before

[42:28] the life form that had ruled the planet for over 100 million years

[42:32] is about to be wiped out, leaving space for a little

[42:36] stinker known as humanity to evolve.

[42:40] The only way I would have liked it more, and maybe they are implying this but not,

[42:44] is if it was their crash that sent the asteroid towards the Earth

[42:48] and it bounced off their spaceship towards the planet and they're like, oopsie.

[42:52] Sorry.

[42:56] Humanity's time to shine.

[43:00] I am glad of one thing.

[43:04] I was worried that it was going to be like, oh no, the dinosaurs go extinct.

[43:08] Are they going to reveal that Adam Driver and Koa are the ancestors of all of humanity

[43:12] in some kind of forced Adam and Eve situation? I'm glad they didn't do that.

[43:16] They don't do that, which is great. Not only would that really screw with the fossil record,

[43:20] but it's dumb. We've seen it before. Thank you for not doing that.

[43:24] I want to say, though, that if it was the movie you're talking about

[43:28] and they hit the asteroid into the Earth,

[43:32] I love how that flips the whole thing, where the dinos have a

[43:36] legit gripe against Adam Driver, who has doomed their

[43:40] entire species.

[43:44] He is trying to just dip out.

[43:48] It is the ultimate hit and run.

[43:52] He's just going to leave a note that's like, sorry, I destroyed your planet for a little bit.

[43:56] Look at our warriors in touch.

[44:00] Now here's the movie I want to see of that. They catch him.

[44:04] He gets taken to dino court and put on trial for war crimes.

[44:08] They sentence him to 65 million years in jail.

[44:12] Humanity evolves and Adam Driver emerges from his

[44:16] cryo prison 65 million years later. That's why humanity has this

[44:20] warlike gene inside of us that causes us to fight our neighbors.

[44:24] The guy who taught us all that destroyed the dinosaurs first.

[44:28] He's gone insane from his time in cryo jail for 65 million years.

[44:32] You TM that shit, right? Transcendental Meditated.

[44:36] They reunite. Koa kills a couple of baby dinos and saves

[44:40] Mills from some quicksand. They climb up the mountain. They find the crash.

[44:44] The escape vessel is intact and working. They have the coordinates to connect

[44:48] with the rescue vessel, but then Koa realizes Mills had lied to her about her family

[44:52] being alive and at the crash site. So he talks about his daughter and some shit.

[44:56] By the way, he talks about his daughter.

[45:00] I tweeted about this and this was the inspiration for the tweet.

[45:04] You can go back and be like, oh, now I know why.

[45:08] All the clues were there, Mr. Police.

[45:12] In movies where there's a language barrier, I'm always annoyed at

[45:16] how at the moment that something really emotional and important

[45:20] needs to be imparted, seemingly that problem

[45:24] falls away. There's one language we all speak.

[45:28] The language of the human heart. Esperanto.

[45:32] She saw the footage of Adam Driver's

[45:36] daughter that he keeps on his little hologram cards

[45:40] that look for the life of me. Like the little lenticular viewer

[45:44] that used to come with Secret Wars superhero action figures.

[45:48] Or like those trading cards that had dinosaurs wearing clothes and shit.

[45:52] Did you ever get those? Or Jesus following you around the room.

[45:56] Exactly. Please tell him to stop. I'm not going to convert. I appreciate it.

[46:00] I'm not buying anything. I'm just here.

[46:04] When you go back and forth, it looks like his eyes are rolling the whole time.

[46:08] They're like, calm down, buddy. We're doing the best we can.

[46:12] We're not all God's son. Even you kind of fucked it up a little bit when you were doing that job.

[46:16] You can pop those little things into the video toaster

[46:20] like she does and see the hologram projections.

[46:24] She sees his emotions and kind of guesses, oh, he must be talking about this girl.

[46:28] It's just a thing that happens in movies that bothers me, though.

[46:32] Everyone understands everyone now. I have no idea what she thinks he's actually saying.

[46:36] She thinks he's going, I'm so hungry. Can we just go home?

[46:40] I need a sandwich.

[46:44] It's like when you bonk someone on the head with a coconut. You're like, you could have killed him.

[46:48] That's what Judd Apatow texted me. He's like, you could kill someone if you hit them in the head with a coconut.

[46:52] It's a war crime.

[46:56] It's true. But it shows you the power of storytelling is that if the story was told well

[47:00] and it was more interesting, you wouldn't notice the same way that we mentioned Planet of the Apes earlier.

[47:04] Charlton Heston must be the biggest moron in the world to not, or Taylor, his character,

[47:08] to not notice he's on Earth when every ape speaks perfect English to him.

[47:12] And it never occurs to him that, oh, yeah, these aliens on this other planet where apes evolved,

[47:16] they also evolved English, the same language I speak.

[47:20] Every single dialectic nuance.

[47:24] It's exactly the same.

[47:28] But the movie is so well told that you have to watch it a couple times

[47:32] before that even really bothers you to a certain extent.

[47:36] Guys, we are in the home fucking strip.

[47:40] So they strap in, their shuttle gets hit by a chunk of asteroid, so they slide down a mountain.

[47:44] They're upside down.

[47:48] And unfortunately, they also slide right into the path of an angry T-Rex.

[47:52] Wait a minute, two T-Rexes? There's two T-Rexes.

[47:56] The T stands for twin, twin Rexes.

[48:00] His little blaster's out of ammo, so he has to lead them on a little chase.

[48:04] And the T-Rexes are like, you did this. This is your fault. This is all because of you.

[48:08] They trap him under a piece of wreckage, and things are looking grim.

[48:12] Tyrannosaurus wreckage.

[48:16] So Koa uses the little hologram player and plays a little hologram of his daughter to kind of lift his spirits

[48:20] and also to distract those dinos, because one of them tries to bite his daughter

[48:24] hologram, and he's like, fuck this. And his gun suddenly starts to work

[48:28] and he fucking blasts one in the dome and kills it immediately.

[48:32] Perfect shot.

[48:36] We're familiar from movies when a character sees a loved one threatened and gets berserker strength.

[48:40] But the idea that their gun was also like, we gotta protect that girl.

[48:44] You don't understand future guns, Elliot. Maybe they're powered by rage.

[48:48] And it's not the future, Stuart. It's 65 million years ago. These are past guns.

[48:52] The other T-Rex is mad about this whole thing, so it goes and attacks the shuttle

[48:56] putting it in the perfect position to launch. Thank you!

[49:00] And then Adam Driver blasted a whole bunch and it collapsed, and we're like, oh man, the nightmare's over.

[49:04] No, no, no. Way to thank that T-Rex for saving you by blasting it to death.

[49:08] Come on, Adam Driver. And no, no, no, nightmare's not over, because a third

[49:12] T-Rex shows up, and you know which one it is? That's right, it's the sassy one that

[49:16] already has gotten shot in the face and does not like him.

[49:20] He tries to lead it away so that Koa can escape. That T-Rex shows up, hey buddies,

[49:24] I'm ready to join you for our picnic, and what the? They're dead?

[49:28] Who did this? And he sees Adam Driver and he goes, so it's you. You asshole.

[49:32] You're back. And Adam Driver goes, feets don't fail me now.

[49:36] So he goes running away, Dino chases him, and Adam Driver's like, ha ha, remember that

[49:40] geyser from earlier? You're about to get a faceful. Unfortunately, this T-Rex

[49:44] is way too smart for him and stops short before getting its face roasted off.

[49:48] Looks like it's curtains for mills. Unfortunately for the Dino,

[49:52] Koa runs up and stabs it right in the eyeball. Perfect shot, no scope.

[49:56] Right in the eyeball, and it starts thrashing around, right in the

[50:00] eyeball.

[50:00] Path of a geyser and gets its face melted off.

[50:02] Gross.

[50:04] Yeah.

[50:05] They get on the shuttle, they fly away.

[50:07] What?

[50:08] There was this, maybe you guys are familiar

[50:10] with the dinosaur attacks trading card series,

[50:12] which was an 80s kind of staple to Mars attacks,

[50:15] where they were like,

[50:16] let's do the same thing with dinosaurs.

[50:17] It super freaked me out when I was a kid.

[50:19] It's so over the top gory.

[50:20] And there's one where the dinosaurs

[50:22] are being sucked back in time

[50:24] and their skin is being pulled off of them.

[50:25] And that's what this reminded me of.

[50:27] Yeah. Nice.

[50:28] That's pretty cool.

[50:29] So yeah, his face gets all ripped off.

[50:31] That series, by the way, ends with the scientists

[50:32] who saved the world going to hell for some reason,

[50:33] which is ruled by a satanic dinosaur.

[50:35] It doesn't really make any sense.

[50:36] But it's a trading card series.

[50:38] Oh man, I wonder what pleasurable delights

[50:40] Satan Dinosaur can offer me.

[50:43] Yeah. Yeah.

[50:44] Yeah. Pinsaurus is down there.

[50:45] Yeah.

[50:46] So, yeah.

[50:47] So they get back onto the shuttle and they fly away

[50:49] and they fly close enough to that asteroid

[50:51] to fucking wave at it as they fly past.

[50:53] They go ace those suckers.

[50:56] Let's get out of here.

[50:57] So they're up in the sky.

[50:59] And then the credits roll over footage of a scorched earth,

[51:04] which is followed by an ice age,

[51:06] followed by regrowth and civilization.

[51:08] And then presumably John Hammond getting the idea

[51:11] for a sick ass theme park.

[51:12] Yeah.

[51:13] I, when we saw the movie end with this sort of like

[51:17] the earth, you know, changing into species,

[51:21] like building, you know, humans.

[51:24] Yeah, yeah, humans.

[51:25] Let's not, let's, there's no surprise.

[51:26] It's earth.

[51:27] It's like evolution.

[51:28] Like I, when we see that happening,

[51:31] I really wanted it to end with like some human

[51:34] finding the remains of his ship.

[51:36] Man, animal, rat brains.

[51:37] And being like, what the hell is this?

[51:41] Like that, like that great Star Wars legend stories,

[51:43] story, comic where Indiana Jones finds

[51:46] the Millennium Falcon crashed in South America

[51:48] and Han Solo's skeleton is inside of it.

[51:50] And he's like, you don't know you're meeting yourself, Indy.

[51:53] But anyway.

[51:53] That's pretty cool.

[51:55] So did they take Han Solo after he died

[51:59] and put him in the Millennium Falcon

[52:02] and like send him out?

[52:03] This is no longer canon.

[52:05] This was written before,

[52:06] this was published before the newer movies.

[52:08] So at this point.

[52:10] But I bet it could still work.

[52:13] Like a Viking funeral.

[52:14] They stuck his body back in the Millennium Falcon

[52:17] and then set it on fire.

[52:18] They're like, sorry, Lando.

[52:19] You don't, you never get this.

[52:22] That was my ship.

[52:23] In a way, that would be very funny.

[52:25] And as we know, there is fire in Star Wars space.

[52:28] We see a Star Destroyer on fire in Return of the Jedi.

[52:30] Right, so they could do,

[52:32] they could give him a Viking funeral.

[52:33] I think there's a story.

[52:34] There's that stormtrooper who just lit a cigarette

[52:36] while he was standing outside in outer space.

[52:39] Okay, let's.

[52:40] And in the story,

[52:41] I believe Indy is investigating a Yeti type creature.

[52:45] And that turns out to be Chewbacca,

[52:46] who's just been living in the jungles there,

[52:48] if I'm remembering the story correctly.

[52:49] No, that sounds pretty cool.

[52:51] So do you want to go talk about that whole story?

[52:54] Or is that it?

[52:55] Sure, anyway, so exterior jungle.

[52:57] Oh, wow, we're scripting it out.

[52:59] No, you left the door open.

[53:00] So what do we do now, Dan?

[53:01] This is when we do final judgments.

[53:03] Cool.

[53:03] Where they talk about, this is a good, bad movie,

[53:05] a bad, bad movie, or a movie we kind of like.

[53:10] Why don't you guys go first this time?

[53:12] One of you, what do you think?

[53:13] Okay, it feels like I'm about to step on a Dan landmine

[53:17] or a Dan mine.

[53:18] So I would say I wish that this movie

[53:22] had gone a little bit more in either direction.

[53:24] Like I wish it was a little bit either grittier

[53:27] or ideally a little like crazier and pulpier.

[53:31] Like it feels kind of joyless.

[53:34] And I understand the motivation

[53:35] and I understand like the idea

[53:38] of like a serious portrayal of this.

[53:40] But like, I kind of wish that there'd been

[53:42] maybe like a voiceover or a narration

[53:45] or some kind of like humor to it.

[53:48] I don't know.

[53:49] Like I feel like it could have been,

[53:51] I mean, it's because it's a movie

[53:53] about a spaceman blasting dynos.

[53:55] Like I would like it to be,

[53:57] I ideally would like it to be a little more fun.

[53:59] I would, I think I'm gonna jump on you about with that

[54:02] or jump on your idea.

[54:03] I'm not gonna jump on you.

[54:04] That would be disrespectful.

[54:06] It would be like a little monkey

[54:08] from Raiders of the Lost Ark just being on you.

[54:11] Where we'd eventually, if I jumped on you,

[54:12] you'd basically turn into Master Blaster at that point.

[54:15] Daddy could technically be hopping on Pop.

[54:18] Yep, that's true.

[54:19] Yeah, yeah.

[54:20] I mean, it would be not hop on Pop

[54:22] so much as Pop on Hop or Hop Hop On, I guess.

[54:26] Anyway, you guys, are you ready for that prequel

[54:28] they announced that tells the story about Pop

[54:30] from Hop on Pop before he became a Pop?

[54:32] What was he like when he was a bachelor?

[54:34] No.

[54:35] When he can't stop popping.

[54:37] You know, once you pop, you can't stop.

[54:38] That's the thing.

[54:40] It's law.

[54:41] Well, I'm gonna join Stuart.

[54:42] I'm gonna write a concurring opinion

[54:44] to Stuart's opinion in the case of Flophouse V65,

[54:48] where I wish that, yeah, I wish the movie had been more fun

[54:50] or I wish the movie had been more intense.

[54:53] I wish it had been more thrilling.

[54:54] I just wish the movie had been more

[54:56] on an emotional level in terms of the story.

[54:59] I wish that the movie had, it feels like this is the most,

[55:02] it feels basic.

[55:03] It feels like the most norm core basic bitch way

[55:05] to tell the story.

[55:07] And I wish they had just taken some more chances

[55:08] either by making it more extreme or more fun

[55:11] or anything like that, you know?

[55:13] Yep.

[55:15] I am going to write the dissent for this,

[55:16] but I'm gonna be clear.

[55:18] It is not a scathing dissent.

[55:19] It is a mild dissent.

[55:22] I kind of like it, but only sort of on the sliding

[55:25] Flophouse scale of movies that are so much more poorly made

[55:31] or ill conceived.

[55:34] I will define what I like about this movie

[55:36] sort of mostly in opposition to things I don't like

[55:40] about a lot of modern blockbusters.

[55:42] Like I appreciate that in contrast

[55:44] to a lot of modern blockbusters,

[55:46] this felt very sort of confined for a fantastic story.

[55:54] It was human scaled.

[55:56] I understood the emotions and the wants of everyone.

[56:01] You know, like I said, a lot of it took place

[56:04] in real locations that got juiced by special effects

[56:09] rather than just sort of a layer of digital sludge

[56:13] over everything.

[56:14] Robert Rodriguez style, make it in your basement

[56:16] all on green screen.

[56:17] Yeah, and you know, I like that they got-

[56:20] Yeah, it doesn't take place in the quantum realm.

[56:22] A pair of good performers.

[56:23] Adam Driver, obviously very good.

[56:25] I also really thought that the young actress

[56:28] who played the Koa, was it?

[56:31] Ariana Greenblatt, that's her name.

[56:33] She was really good.

[56:34] She played young Gamora in Infinity War.

[56:38] So she's actually been around in big movies

[56:40] for a while now.

[56:41] She specializes in young characters.

[56:43] But for how long?

[56:44] Only time will tell.

[56:46] Probably not that much.

[56:49] Time will tell.

[56:50] The way Hollywood treats actresses, you're right, Dan.

[56:53] In a couple of years, she'll be playing moms

[56:54] and then it'll be 80 for Brady for her.

[56:57] Yeah, but you know, these people who made this movie,

[57:03] the writing directing team were the writers

[57:08] who worked with John Krasinski on A Quiet Place.

[57:09] That was their sort of breakthrough into bigger movies

[57:11] before that.

[57:12] So they made bad movies before.

[57:14] Yeah, I'm not wild about A Quiet Place,

[57:16] but I think it is-

[57:17] No, you're wild about Harry.

[57:18] A skillfully-

[57:19] And Harry in turn is wild about you.

[57:20] I don't love it.

[57:21] It was a skillfully made kind of starter level

[57:24] horror movie, I say, with probably annoying condescension.

[57:28] But I like that they, it seems like they came up

[57:32] in smaller horror movies.

[57:35] And I feel like they still have that sort of instinct

[57:38] of like, let's keep it tight.

[57:40] But that all said, it is a little more boring and basic

[57:45] than it should be.

[57:46] And you know, for a 90 minute movie,

[57:48] I shouldn't get as like sleepy watching it as I do.

[57:51] But I did appreciate that it had qualities.

[57:55] Yeah, let's say that.

[57:57] I don't think that this is a quality free movie.

[58:00] No, but I think it's not the highest recommendation

[58:04] when most of what you liked about it

[58:06] is in opposition to things that you don't like

[58:08] about other movies.

[58:09] That's what I said, mild dissent.

[58:12] Yeah, I mean, this is a, I don't think it's a,

[58:14] I think this is a, I'm going to go back

[58:16] to a frequent Flophouse rating and say,

[58:19] if you're sick and this starts playing on TV

[58:21] in the afternoon, go ahead and watch it.

[58:23] You know, why not?

[58:24] But it's not, you're not going to remember much

[58:26] about it afterwards.

[58:27] And not just because you're sick.

[58:28] Yeah, I mean, I guess it would fall into the,

[58:30] if we're using our categories,

[58:32] it would be like the mildest of bad, bads for me.

[58:36] Yeah, I think it doesn't rise the level

[58:37] of bad, bad for me.

[58:38] It's like, it doesn't fit quite into our criteria

[58:40] because it's, but again, that's, it's a,

[58:42] to me, that's a mark against it,

[58:44] is that like, it just doesn't generate enough feeling

[58:46] in me to even want to give it that rating, you know?

[58:51] It just kind of is.

[58:52] And you know what?

[58:53] Maybe we should all just try to be, you know?

[58:54] Yeah, live in the moment.

[58:55] Yeah, maybe that moment is 65 million years ago.

[58:58] You know how you can live in the moment

[59:00] and generate feeling?

[59:02] Microdosing.

[59:03] Our show today is sponsored by Microdose Gummies.

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[59:12] Dan, you're being so masterful.

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[59:17] But thank you for making clear

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[1:02:02] Is there anything else anyone wants to plug

[1:02:05] before we move on?

[1:02:06] See, the thing is the WGA is on strike right now.

[1:02:08] Oh, that's true.

[1:02:09] And Elliot has something you would like to say about it.

[1:02:11] That's very true.

[1:02:12] The WGA is on strike

[1:02:14] for a number of different specific reasons.

[1:02:16] The WGA, of course, is the Writers Guild of America.

[1:02:19] If I was a fool, okay,

[1:02:20] can you give me a quick summary of those?

[1:02:23] Sure.

[1:02:24] The Writers Guild of America,

[1:02:25] the union that Dan and I both belong to as members,

[1:02:28] me as a very active member,

[1:02:30] Dan as more of a, you know,

[1:02:31] give along, go along, get along kind of guy.

[1:02:34] He'll take out his badge every now and then.

[1:02:37] We are on strike right now for a few different reasons.

[1:02:40] One is, and they all come down to basically

[1:02:45] different ways that the studios that employ us,

[1:02:47] that buy our product, that distribute our product,

[1:02:50] different ways that they are trying to either minimize

[1:02:52] the amount of writers that they can pay,

[1:02:54] minimize the amount of money they can pay those writers,

[1:02:57] and also try to eliminate the writers entirely.

[1:02:59] Here are the main things that we're trying to go after.

[1:03:01] One is something called mini rooms

[1:03:03] where an entire television season is broken

[1:03:06] and basically written by a small group of writers

[1:03:09] who then are often not involved

[1:03:11] in the production of the show,

[1:03:12] are paid very little for that amount of time.

[1:03:13] It's a short time period,

[1:03:15] and they often don't get the kinds of residual payments

[1:03:21] that they deserve for the work on that series.

[1:03:23] What are residual payments?

[1:03:25] It should be that every time someone who owns a product

[1:03:27] that we have created gets money from it,

[1:03:30] that we should also get a little bit of that money.

[1:03:32] It's what sustains us between jobs.

[1:03:34] It's what makes writing an actual career

[1:03:35] that you can live off of and not a series of gigs

[1:03:38] that you're lucky to get every now and then,

[1:03:39] and you have to take vacation days

[1:03:41] off of your day job to do them.

[1:03:43] And if the bosses are making money off of your work,

[1:03:46] you should be benefiting from your work.

[1:03:47] Exactly, because the bosses didn't create our work,

[1:03:49] we created that work.

[1:03:50] They are merely exploiting our abilities,

[1:03:53] our labor, our imaginations, and-

[1:03:56] It's almost like the bosses need you

[1:03:58] more than you need the bosses.

[1:03:59] Thank you, Stuart.

[1:04:00] That's a very good point.

[1:04:01] Unfortunately, the new streaming world that we exist in

[1:04:04] has taken those residual amounts,

[1:04:06] which I'll be very honest,

[1:04:07] residuals are often what get me from month to month

[1:04:12] or sometimes year to year when work is not there.

[1:04:16] I've been receiving residuals recently from SAG-AFTRA

[1:04:20] for a little bit of voiceover work I did

[1:04:22] in Housebroken in the first season,

[1:04:23] and it has really helped to patch up the holes

[1:04:26] in my finances right now, which I really appreciate.

[1:04:28] They are necessary, and it is not a matter

[1:04:31] of getting paid more than once for the same work.

[1:04:35] It's a matter of, as Stuart said,

[1:04:36] when our bosses make money off our work,

[1:04:38] we should make money off our work.

[1:04:39] Unfortunately, in the streaming world,

[1:04:42] those residuals have sunk to next to nothing,

[1:04:44] in some cases, nothing, and they are not transparent

[1:04:47] about how much money they're making off of our work

[1:04:50] or how many people watch it even,

[1:04:51] and so it's hard to know what we're owed,

[1:04:54] and so that's the second big thing.

[1:04:56] The third big, and these are just

[1:04:57] what television writers are on strike for.

[1:04:59] Feature film writers are on strike also,

[1:05:00] and they have a slightly different set of issues,

[1:05:02] but related.

[1:05:03] They're all related to companies trying to weasel out

[1:05:06] of paying us what we're owed and what we deserve.

[1:05:08] The third thing, artificial intelligence.

[1:05:10] It's coming for everybody.

[1:05:11] It's coming for everyone's job, basically,

[1:05:13] and there is a vision that studio executives have

[1:05:17] of a world where computers write scripts

[1:05:19] and maybe they hire a person

[1:05:20] to do a little bit of tweaking on it

[1:05:21] to make it not feel like a computer wrote it.

[1:05:24] That's a world that we are trying to eliminate.

[1:05:26] The fact is the machines are rising right now,

[1:05:29] and we've gotta do what we can to make sure

[1:05:30] that creative work is done by humans.

[1:05:32] We are entering possibly a kind of brave dystopian world

[1:05:37] where, not a brave, a cowardly dystopian world

[1:05:40] in which mainstream culture is just a matter

[1:05:42] of things being regurgitated based on computer algorithms,

[1:05:46] based on things that have already been made,

[1:05:47] and the fact is you cannot make a thing

[1:05:50] without human imagination being involved.

[1:05:52] At this point in history, at this point in technology.

[1:05:54] You certainly can't get a new thing.

[1:05:56] You can only get variations

[1:05:57] on something you've already had before.

[1:05:59] If someone showed, there's this video

[1:06:00] that's been going around where it's like

[1:06:02] the Lord of the Rings in the style of Wes Anderson,

[1:06:04] and it's like the person who used, I'm sure,

[1:06:06] multiple AI programs to make it, to put it together,

[1:06:10] did a very good job.

[1:06:11] It looks really good, and it's a funny idea.

[1:06:14] That is a book written by a person,

[1:06:18] put in the visual style of a director who's a person,

[1:06:20] then cast with the images of actors

[1:06:22] who are only famous or beloved to us

[1:06:24] because they are people,

[1:06:25] because they have given us imaginative performances.

[1:06:27] It is an idea for that mashup

[1:06:30] that was come up by a person,

[1:06:31] and the person had to use the program to make it.

[1:06:33] So even something like that,

[1:06:34] which is essentially a fan work that uses AI,

[1:06:37] still relies on so much of the work of human beings

[1:06:40] and cannot be done to other computers.

[1:06:41] So why are we striking?

[1:06:42] It is at a basic point to maintain the position

[1:06:46] of human beings in our creative culture

[1:06:49] and to maintain that creative work

[1:06:51] as work that people can afford to do for a living.

[1:06:54] And so you're like, yeah, you've made such a great case.

[1:06:56] This is amazing.

[1:06:57] I wasn't on board before.

[1:06:58] Before, I was a big fan of David Zaslav.

[1:07:00] I was like, why are they booing him at Boston University?

[1:07:02] He's a great guy.

[1:07:03] Yeah, changing it to Max is a good idea.

[1:07:06] I want HBO to be devalued from a place

[1:07:08] that special TV shows and movies get made

[1:07:10] into just another place that can watch

[1:07:12] the people who do house flipping and stuff like that,

[1:07:15] where they flip more houses.

[1:07:17] Anyway, which is not to say anything wrong

[1:07:20] against our fellow workers in the reality TV

[1:07:24] or unscripted nonfiction television production area.

[1:07:27] They are also writers

[1:07:28] and they deserve to be covered in the Guild.

[1:07:30] But that is to say, what can you do?

[1:07:32] Well, a lot of people wanna come on the picket line

[1:07:34] and strike with us.

[1:07:35] That's great and you're welcome to do so.

[1:07:37] But what might be even more helpful at this point

[1:07:40] is if you could go to entertainmentcommunity.org

[1:07:43] and donate to the Entertainment Community Fund.

[1:07:45] It used to be called the Actors Fund.

[1:07:47] Now it's the Entertainment Community Fund.

[1:07:48] That's at entertainmentcommunity.org.

[1:07:50] Donate and choose to donate to designate that gift

[1:07:54] for supporting film and television professionals.

[1:07:56] That money will go not just to,

[1:07:58] it goes to anyone in the entertainment community

[1:08:00] who will need money right now.

[1:08:01] And that's not just writers, that's also support staff,

[1:08:04] that's technical crew,

[1:08:05] that's everybody whose work is suffering

[1:08:08] because the AMPTP,

[1:08:09] the American Motion Picture and Television Producers

[1:08:12] or whatever it's called,

[1:08:12] the Association of American, I don't know what it's called.

[1:08:14] Anyway, the AMPTP,

[1:08:15] because they will not pay writers what they deserve

[1:08:18] and they will not give us the respect and credit

[1:08:20] for having built the business

[1:08:22] that they now make a lot of money off of.

[1:08:24] They could end this tomorrow, but they aren't.

[1:08:27] And so if you can go to that place

[1:08:29] and help the people who will be suffering as a result,

[1:08:32] again, not just writers,

[1:08:33] but writer's assistants, script supervisors,

[1:08:35] people on crew, actors,

[1:08:36] anyone in the entertainment community,

[1:08:38] this will help.

[1:08:39] They can reach out to that fund for help

[1:08:41] should they need it to get through this strike period.

[1:08:43] And as you've brought this up,

[1:08:45] I just wanna mention a message from Leslie in Colorado

[1:08:49] who said, I just donated to the Entertainment Community Fund

[1:08:53] and almost forgot that my company

[1:08:54] matches charitable donations one-to-one.

[1:08:57] Luckily, I did remember before donating,

[1:08:58] so I doubled the donation with their portion,

[1:09:00] and thought I'd bring it up

[1:09:01] in case other people have companies that do the same.

[1:09:05] More money from the man to help stick it to the man.

[1:09:07] So I just wanted to pass that out to you.

[1:09:10] Thank you very much.

[1:09:11] What was her name again?

[1:09:12] Leslie.

[1:09:13] Thank you, man, Leslie.

[1:09:14] Or his, Leslie, I don't know what your-

[1:09:16] Or their.

[1:09:17] Or their, I don't know what your gender is,

[1:09:18] but I'm saying thank you.

[1:09:19] Why are you getting mad at me when I'm saying thank you?

[1:09:21] Oh, Leslie, let's patch this up.

[1:09:22] We'll talk about it off mic.

[1:09:23] Ali, I think you're projecting.

[1:09:25] Please take a, yeah, because I'm in the movies.

[1:09:27] It's a movie projector.

[1:09:29] Please take a note from Leslie,

[1:09:30] and if you want to show your support,

[1:09:33] if you want to contribute, this is a good way to do it.

[1:09:35] Doesn't have to be a lot of money.

[1:09:36] Any amount is helpful.

[1:09:38] That's money that people in the entertainment industry

[1:09:41] who will most likely have trouble paying their bills

[1:09:45] during this time can turn to.

[1:09:46] So thank you very much for doing so,

[1:09:48] and thank you so much for,

[1:09:50] I feel like this, what's different between,

[1:09:52] one of the things that's different between this

[1:09:53] and the last time the Writers Guild was on strike

[1:09:55] is that the public at large feels like it's on our side.

[1:09:58] The other unions are on our side.

[1:10:00] enormous but it feels like everyone I know like gets it to a certain extent and supports us and

[1:10:06] we really appreciate it. We really appreciate that the public understands this is a battle between

[1:10:11] workers and bosses and the bosses can afford to take care of the workers and they're refusing to

[1:10:16] and people are taking the side of the workers which is us and I feel like

[1:10:20] everyone in every industry is going to have to start making these types of stands and so to

[1:10:24] have your support now means a lot to us and you can count on our support later on when you have

[1:10:29] to do the same. You probably already have a favorite animal maybe it's a powerful apex

[1:10:38] predator like the tiger or a cute and cuddly panda and those are great but have you considered

[1:10:43] something a little more unconventional? Could I perhaps interest you in the Greenland shark

[1:10:49] which can live for nearly 400 years or maybe the jewel wasp who performs brain surgery on

[1:10:55] cockroaches to control their minds? On Just the Zoo of Us, we review animals by giving them

[1:11:00] ratings out of 10 in the categories of effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics.

[1:11:04] Listen with friends and family of all ages to find your new favorite animal

[1:11:08] with Just the Zoo of Us on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts.

[1:11:17] I'm Jordan Cruciola, the host of Feeling Seen where we talk about the movie characters that

[1:11:21] make us feel seen and I'm the show's producer Marissa. Jordan, you've interviewed so many

[1:11:25] directors, actors, writers, film critics and I like to play this little game where I take a sip

[1:11:30] of coffee every time someone says that's such a great question, that's such a fabulous question

[1:11:36] or they tell you how smart you are. I think that you are rather brilliant and of course the big

[1:11:40] one is when they cry unexpectedly. Jordan, I don't want to cry on your podcast. I wasn't expecting

[1:11:47] to cry. I mean it makes me kind of want to cry. Feeling Seen comes out every Thursday on

[1:11:52] MaximumFun.org. Listen already. What are you waiting for? Jordan, that's such a great question.

[1:11:59] Let's move on to letters from listeners. This letter begins thusly and then continues as I will

[1:12:08] say. Thank you for being so comprehensive. I appreciate that. Yes, Victor E. Bull here.

[1:12:17] While listening to the delightful New Mania mini, I was delighted to hear my brother

[1:12:22] in Buffalo College of Mascots, P.D. the Griffin of Canisius College mentioned.

[1:12:29] This name drop was exciting both as a mascot and as a proud

[1:12:33] Buffalonian. I have one question for you all. If you could be any mascot, real or fictional,

[1:12:38] who would you choose to be? Thanks for many years and hours of wonderful programming.

[1:12:44] Victor E. Bull. Really, David, last name withheld. Everyone's got gritty fever. I can't

[1:12:58] say that I could be gritty. Gritty has a certain crazed party energy. You could never pull it off.

[1:13:06] But his cousin, the Philly Fanatic, I think has a whimsical, goofy quality that I enjoy and I'm

[1:13:14] drawn to. I think that would be my choice. Now I'm just imagining the Philly Fanatic being woken

[1:13:21] up in the middle of the night and gritty asking him to help him hide a gun in his house. Hold

[1:13:27] on to this. Put it in your nose. They can't look in there without a warrant.

[1:13:34] Oh man, Fudgie the Whale is really cool. Is that a mascot? It's a mascot for an ice cream company.

[1:13:44] Green Giant has those big ass thighs. I like that. So I don't know if we could do corporate

[1:13:48] mascots. Yeah, if we could do corporate mascots. I do like, mostly because Thorol Ravenscroft

[1:13:54] I like Tony the Tiger. He seems enthusiastic and he gets to actually enjoy the product rather than

[1:14:00] having it, you know, cruelly taken from him. Like the Trix Rabbit or the other number. I've always

[1:14:07] assumed also that Tony the Tiger was gay too. So that's an LGBTQ icon right there. I think it's

[1:14:14] the ASCOT that you're pointing to. I feel like there's a certain... I was going to say the

[1:14:20] cookie crisp cop or some shit. No, I want distribution of those cookie crisps to all,

[1:14:28] you know. I mean, with that dog and everything? No, thank you. I was going to say, when I was

[1:14:33] thinking of the sports mascots, I was thinking, so there's a Twilight Zone episode about a robot

[1:14:38] that plays baseball and there's a team called the Hoboken Zephyrs. And I always really loved

[1:14:42] that name. And I imagine their mascot was like some kind of personification of the wind.

[1:14:46] And so I was going to say that. But if it can be a corporate mascot...

[1:14:50] Yeah, can I do that little chuckwagon from the chuckwagon dog food?

[1:14:56] Oh, you know who I'd like to be? The La Choy Dragon.

[1:14:59] Oh, cool. Yeah. Can I be the Pringles guy? Just the guy on the Pringles?

[1:15:03] Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a fun one. He's nasty.

[1:15:07] He is nasty. Look at his face.

[1:15:09] Yeah, look at him. But he's also just a hardworking immigrant, I assume.

[1:15:12] Yeah. This is also from a David or a Dave in this case. These are the Daves I know.

[1:15:18] Sing the song.

[1:15:20] These are the Daves I know. This is from Dave Last Name Withheld, who writes,

[1:15:26] Dear Floppers, I recently had a dream where I was hanging out with Dan and Stu. My brain must

[1:15:31] have admitted Elliot because he lives in L.A., although it seemed OK with the fact that I'm

[1:15:36] in North Carolina. But anyway, he's gone. Also present was Cameron Diaz.

[1:15:41] It was obvious Ms. Diaz was an old friend of theirs.

[1:15:44] She lives in L.A., too, I think. Hold on a second.

[1:15:48] I feel like she's probably bi-coastal. Yeah, it was obvious Ms. Diaz was an old

[1:15:53] friend of theirs because she was about to tell an embarrassing story. One where Dan and Stu were

[1:15:58] doing the whole, oh, no, don't you dare tell this thing while smiling because they know it's

[1:16:03] hilarious. Yeah. Unfortunately, just before the story was told, my cat jumped on my bed to wake

[1:16:08] me up because it was 8.10 and way past 8 a.m. kibble time. My question is, what are the things

[1:16:15] in art that you're most disappointed in not being able to consume? Whether it's a show being

[1:16:20] unexpectedly canceled, a screenplay that never got filmed, music collaboration that was rumored

[1:16:25] but didn't happen, et cetera. Thanks for all the laughs over the years. Dave Last Name Withheld.

[1:16:32] That's a good one. I'm sure I'll think of more as we talk, but the one that first sprung to mind

[1:16:38] was something that has been mentioned on this show before, and I agree with Elliot that it probably

[1:16:44] wouldn't actually have been that great, but the Billy Wilder Marx Brothers movie, A Day at the

[1:16:53] United Nations, sounds so tantalizing to me. I can't even imagine what it would be, and of course,

[1:16:58] I just want another Marx Brothers movie in the world, so that's one that springs to mind. That's

[1:17:03] one that definitely came to my mind, too, but I discarded it for that reason, is that I think

[1:17:07] there's comedy styles I don't think would have meshed particularly well, and the only joke that

[1:17:13] Billy Wilder, as far as I know, ever said that he was thinking of for an interview talking about it

[1:17:18] was that the Marx Brothers mix up the signs for all the countries, so the Egyptian delegate says

[1:17:25] Israel in front of him, and the Israeli delegate has an Arab country in front, and I'm like,

[1:17:30] well, that's not that funny a joke. That's not really very good.

[1:17:34] It's a bad prank.

[1:17:38] I would say there is a movie that they started shooting and never finished that I wish they'd

[1:17:44] finished, which was Joseph von Sternberg was directing an adaptation of I, Claudius,

[1:17:48] starring Charles Lawton as Claudius, and there's very little footage that exists of it,

[1:17:52] and apparently Lawton was having a very hard time with his performance, and he and Sternberg

[1:17:56] didn't work well together, but I think it would have been so interesting to see how they would

[1:18:01] handle that story, which has such a sadistic sexual element in it in a 1930s movie, and

[1:18:08] to see it in Joseph von Sternberg's style, which if there's any movie that would have given me hope

[1:18:12] for it, it's his movie The Scarlet Empress, which is such a beautifully Baroque, strange movie for

[1:18:18] a Hollywood studio to make, but there's only a little bit of footage. The rest of it doesn't

[1:18:21] exist, but I had some other things I want to mention too, which is one, any of Franz Kafka's

[1:18:25] books, he didn't finish any of them, and The Castle literally finishes mid, it ends mid-sentence,

[1:18:30] so you don't even know where the scene is going, and I would have loved to have known where he was

[1:18:33] going to go with these things, and on the same level, back in the 90s, Marvel had this insert

[1:18:39] that was in a bunch of their comics where they were hyping new projects they had coming up,

[1:18:43] and one was a Sauron prestige format series, and I was like, as a young person, I always loved the

[1:18:48] character Sauron, he's a big Pteranodon man, and I was like, wait a minute, what possible story

[1:18:53] would justify a prestige format series? Prestige format for non-comic book readers would mean

[1:18:59] instead of being stapled in the back, it would be perfect bound, it would probably be on better

[1:19:03] cover and paper stock, and cost a little more, and it's like, what possible story about Sauron

[1:19:10] would justify this? As far as I know, I've never heard any detail about what that might have been,

[1:19:15] and I wonder if it was literally just them being like, we gotta fill out this insert with other

[1:19:19] things that we might have someday, so make something up, but I've always wondered what

[1:19:23] that was. Stuart? Yeah, I mean, there's been so many TV shows that have been cancelled that I

[1:19:32] liked, but I feel like the project that I would be the most excited about, even though I have no

[1:19:40] idea if it would be any good, is the Guillermo del Toro Mountains of Madness movie project that

[1:19:47] he wanted to do. I have no idea how far they even got. I mean, there's a script, Tom Cruise was

[1:19:55] attached to it, but... There's some test footage, did you see the...

[1:20:00] But I did see some of the maquettes of the giant penguins that they made for it that

[1:20:08] looked really cool.

[1:20:09] I love giant penguins.

[1:20:10] I love giant penguins.

[1:20:11] Sure.

[1:20:12] Yeah.

[1:20:13] And if you want giant penguins, that's the story for you.

[1:20:14] There's only really pretty much just two stories for you, that and with the narrative of Arthur

[1:20:17] Gordon Pym.

[1:20:18] That's about it.

[1:20:22] I think that there's a number of things.

[1:20:24] There's a lot of lost films as well, a huge vast swath of silent films.

[1:20:30] Especially with the current streaming situation.

[1:20:34] There's deliberately unavailable films too.

[1:20:36] But there's stuff that like the Marx Brothers made a silent movie that was never released

[1:20:40] at all.

[1:20:41] It was only screened I think once or twice and they hated it so much that it was called

[1:20:45] Humor Risk and the story they always told was they hated it so much that they just destroyed

[1:20:50] it.

[1:20:51] But I always wonder if it survived somewhere.

[1:20:52] But here's what I'm going to say.

[1:20:54] All of this talk about projects that didn't get made or that didn't get finished should

[1:20:58] be taken with a grain of salt because sometimes that project doesn't happen because it doesn't

[1:21:03] really have the strength to stay alive.

[1:21:05] And you look at something like The Other Side of the Wind, which for years it was like we'll

[1:21:09] never see Orson Welles' final lost masterpiece.

[1:21:12] And then they tried to patch it together and admittedly it's a monster of a thing.

[1:21:17] It's like sewn together out of bits.

[1:21:19] But I was like I can't wait to see this.

[1:21:20] And I finally started watching it.

[1:21:22] And I couldn't get through like more than a few minutes of it.

[1:21:23] It was so like and from everything that I've learned or heard about that movie, I don't

[1:21:28] think it was going to be that much better in some ways.

[1:21:31] And ironically the part of it that ages the best is the part where he's like parodying

[1:21:35] artsy European movies and he has those like the two characters just kind of wandering

[1:21:39] silently around a city and you're and it's like oh this looks really cool.

[1:21:42] But that's not the movie he was making.

[1:21:44] So I think sometimes these movies are better off living in our imaginations.

[1:21:48] You know, in that in that Sandman library of all the books that were never written,

[1:21:51] you know, and things like that.

[1:21:54] Well let us move on to the last segment, which is to recommend movies that probably would

[1:21:59] be a better use of your time than 65.

[1:22:03] I'm going to recommend a movie I saw a little while back.

[1:22:06] It has been divisive, but I I think I really enjoyed it.

[1:22:12] You know, I can see why it's not for everyone.

[1:22:14] It's called Martyrs, Bo is Afraid, the most recent Ari Aster movie, a very a very black

[1:22:29] comedy about a man who is living in a world where seemingly every anxiety you could possibly

[1:22:37] have turns out to be true, not in a way like not like a fantastical like literal like I'm

[1:22:42] having anxieties and they're coming true, but like that is the way to understand like

[1:22:46] evil tunes.

[1:22:47] It has the same sort of mother exclamation point stress stream logic, but more of a sort

[1:22:58] of deadpan comedy than mother is like Synecdoche, New York.

[1:23:03] Yeah, I would say it has a certain quality of that.

[1:23:07] Yeah, I can look, I can see why people don't necessarily want to watch a movie.

[1:23:14] That's three hours of sort of grueling anxiety, but with jokes, you lost me at three hours

[1:23:21] and particularly a movie that I'm going to watch a three hour movie.

[1:23:24] It better be Red Beard starring Tishera Mufuni.

[1:23:27] Thank you very much.

[1:23:28] And I'm particularly a movie that like I understand at this point some people's thirst for a movie

[1:23:34] about a white man's angst is not what they it's not something that they have a lot of.

[1:23:40] I get it.

[1:23:41] But as an angsty white man who has a lot of anxieties, I found it cathartic to watch and

[1:23:48] funny and yeah, I'd like I would say that the last third of it is actually kind of the

[1:23:55] weakest part, which is a problem.

[1:23:58] You know, you want to walk out of a movie on a high, but there's a lot of great stuff

[1:24:02] in it.

[1:24:03] Yeah.

[1:24:04] Yeah.

[1:24:05] Yeah.

[1:24:06] If I was going to watch a three hour movie, I would watch what I'm assuming is the TV

[1:24:10] edit of Killers of the Flower Moon.

[1:24:13] Uh, yeah, I'm going to recommend a movie that a friend of the flop house, Jamel Bowie, described

[1:24:22] as a men in meetings movie.

[1:24:24] I'm going to recommend air a movie about a shoe.

[1:24:29] It's very like it was a little hard for me to get on board with a movie about a company

[1:24:33] succeeding, but they manage it's but at least it's a company that stands for great values

[1:24:40] and treats its workers well, right?

[1:24:42] But the they managed to do a they do a pretty interesting job of showing how the Michael

[1:24:49] Jordan Air Jordan deal paved the way for athletes getting more of a cut of products that they

[1:24:57] are endorsing, which is really cool, specifically the whole like college athletes thing, which

[1:25:01] is still fucking insane to me that these fucking pieces of shit are taking advantage of college

[1:25:07] athletes.

[1:25:08] But, uh, yeah, it's it's a lot of fun performers, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, all these guys, Viola

[1:25:15] Davis gives some, you know, she puts in the work.

[1:25:18] She's incredible.

[1:25:19] Yeah, it's it's a lot of fun.

[1:25:22] And the having just seen Guardians of the Galaxy and been a little bit like, oh, man,

[1:25:29] these these needle drops are a little on the nose.

[1:25:31] I felt the needle drops in air are both kind of more on the nose, but I like them more.

[1:25:36] So I don't know.

[1:25:37] I'm a jerk.

[1:25:38] Who knows?

[1:25:39] You're inconsistent.

[1:25:40] Look, you can take you can take multitudes.

[1:25:41] That's the thing.

[1:25:42] Yeah.

[1:25:43] Yeah.

[1:25:44] That's me.

[1:25:45] So, yeah.

[1:25:46] Check out air.

[1:25:47] Why not?

[1:25:48] I'm going to recommend also a movie, I guess, about a that that feels a little weird in

[1:25:54] today's climate, but I'll explain why.

[1:25:56] But I enjoyed a lot.

[1:25:57] And that's a movie called Park Row, which is a Samuel Fuller movie from 1952 starring

[1:26:02] Gene Evans, which is about the founding of a newspaper in the 1880s in New York.

[1:26:07] And this upstart newspaper that has to fight against the established newspapers.

[1:26:11] And it is super energetic.

[1:26:14] It's really fun.

[1:26:16] It's a little weird in that the it's in some ways about a man who just can't do what he

[1:26:22] wants because this rich woman is keeps trying to destroy him, that at the same time, the

[1:26:27] kind of newspaper that he dreams of bringing into creation and that the movie is celebrating

[1:26:31] is like a newspaper that sets up stunts and then reports on them.

[1:26:35] So it's not like he's not like he's not.

[1:26:37] I mean, the most positive thing that they do is they is the campaign to raise money

[1:26:42] for a pedestal for the Statue of Liberty.

[1:26:44] But other than that, he's like, yeah, yeah, let's start a fight over there and then we'll

[1:26:47] report on the fight.

[1:26:48] So it's not like it's holding them to the highest journalistic standards.

[1:26:53] But it's I'm a big fan of movies where like a group of people are getting together to

[1:26:58] accomplish something.

[1:27:00] And and this is all about that.

[1:27:02] The period aspect of it is really fun.

[1:27:04] It's set in the 1880s, but it's not stodgy at all.

[1:27:07] Like it's the characters are super alive, you know, and it's set in the 80s.

[1:27:11] So it's got a lot of like a lot of piano key neckties and stuff in the 1880s.

[1:27:16] Oh, yeah.

[1:27:17] Yeah.

[1:27:18] 1880s.

[1:27:19] So there's a lot of there's a lot of needle drops, but the needle drops are like I dream

[1:27:23] of Jeannie instead of with the bright red with the with the soft brown hair and things

[1:27:27] like that.

[1:27:28] You know, guys playing guys playing music on what, like kitchen kitchen instruments.

[1:27:33] I'm just wild about Harry.

[1:27:35] Yeah, exactly.

[1:27:36] Harry's also reciprocally wild.

[1:27:39] And by the way, by the reflexive property, Harry is also wild about me, the and it's

[1:27:44] just super fun.

[1:27:45] It's the Samuel Fuller movie.

[1:27:46] So it's like got a lot of brash energy and a lot in your faceness.

[1:27:49] And I really enjoyed it a lot.

[1:27:51] So that's Park Row.

[1:27:53] We did it, guys.

[1:27:54] We did it.

[1:27:55] We traveled sixty five million years into the past, Stewart.

[1:27:58] And back again.

[1:27:59] That's exactly what I was going to say.

[1:28:00] It's amazing.

[1:28:01] It's like a fucking simpatico.

[1:28:02] We've been doing this too long.

[1:28:06] But if you enjoy it, thank you for listening.

[1:28:10] Thank you for supporting us.

[1:28:12] Hey, if you're so inclined, why not give us a nice a nice review on iTunes?

[1:28:19] I say this because I subscribe to a service that gives us our rankings on iTunes, but

[1:28:26] also rounds up the reviews.

[1:28:29] So unfortunately, now I'm back to seeing reviews and we've had a few reviews, I would

[1:28:36] say were mad at us, not for the show, but for political reasons.

[1:28:41] So if you want to counteract, you know, bad trolls out there, you know, why don't you

[1:28:47] drop a nice review?

[1:28:48] As opposed to the good trolls who believe only in love and their long, shiny hair and

[1:28:51] introducing my children to the song Barracuda, which I appreciate, except because I love

[1:28:55] that song.

[1:28:56] But I don't like that.

[1:28:57] My younger son now first says I like that song, Barracuda.

[1:28:59] It's from Trolls World Tour.

[1:29:00] And I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[1:29:01] It's not from Trolls World Tour.

[1:29:02] It's in Trolls World Tour.

[1:29:03] So if you want to support good trolls and counteract bad trolls, maybe leave us a good

[1:29:09] word and go over to MaximumFun.org, check out the other great podcasts on our network.

[1:29:15] Maximum Fun is what it's called.

[1:29:17] It has fun comedy and a culture podcast.

[1:29:21] And thank you to Alex Smith, our producer.

[1:29:24] You can find him as HowlDotty on Twitter.

[1:29:28] Someone pointed out that the fact that I said that Howl is not spelled like Howl, as

[1:29:34] in Howl's Moving Castle, was confusing because in the book, Howl's real name is Howl, it

[1:29:40] turns out.

[1:29:41] Oh.

[1:29:42] That's confusing.

[1:29:43] So let's just say that it is spelled HowlDotty.

[1:29:46] Just spell it.

[1:29:47] Just say the letters.

[1:29:48] H-O-W-E-L-L.

[1:29:49] H-O-W-E-L-L.

[1:29:50] Well, I enjoy-

[1:29:51] Why are we dancing around architecture here?

[1:29:53] Let's just-

[1:29:54] Dickering around.

[1:29:55] Let's just spell the name.

[1:29:56] Take me on a trip, Dan.

[1:29:58] Yeah.

[1:29:59] Yeah.

[1:30:00] Yeah.

[1:30:00] around the neighborhood. Never heard of a shaggy dog spelling. I'm trying to put you to sleep

[1:30:04] because you've been fussy all day, Stu. I get fucking fussy. He does get fussy, yeah. But

[1:30:10] thank you for listening. For the Flop House, I've been Dan McCoy. I've been Stuart Wellington. I've

[1:30:16] been Elliot Kalin. Thank you for your support of us and of the Rider Strike and all things good in

[1:30:20] the world, of which those are two. Well, the strike's not, you know, it's not good, but what

[1:30:25] we're talking about taking us on a ride. Yeah. Anyway, this is my shaggy dog. Goodbye. Bye. Bye.

[1:30:45] You can do this. Wait, wait, wait for the you've done it almost.

[1:30:49] I'm done with my snack. I was thrown off by the almond squeaks. Okay.

[1:30:54] This next hit is comes from the almond squeaks and it goes like this.

[1:31:06] It took on I laughed at the first part and then I laughed when I realized there was an actual tune

[1:31:11] being okay. Maximum fun.org comedy and culture. Artist owned audience supported.

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