FH Mini 83 - Top 10 Sexiest Gremlins, with Brendan Hay

[0:00] Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Flophouse mini edition. That is, instead of a regular

[0:09] full-length talking about a movie episode of the Flophouse, this is our mini episode

[0:14] of the Flophouse. We do it on alternate weeks, and we just kind of do whatever we want. We've

[0:17] got an exciting special guest today. We're going to talk about some real dumb stuff.

[0:21] But first, I want to talk to my co-hosts. Guys, introduce yourselves, co-hosts.

[0:27] Dan McCoy.

[0:29] Stuart Wellington.

[0:31] I love Stu. You really gave Dan the business. Speaking of business, Dan, I believe we have

[0:35] some exciting Flophouse-related business to announce at the top of this mini.

[0:39] Yeah, we're doing a slate of streaming shows. We're handling this a little differently.

[0:44] So we're going to do six shows.

[0:47] What?

[0:48] In total, one a month for six successive months, and they're all going to be on the first Saturday

[0:54] of the month, except for in September, where we move to the second Saturday for Labor Day,

[0:58] and to make it confusing for people. And it's going to be a slate full of Flophouse faves,

[1:05] movies that are often referenced on the Flophouse, or people have requested them.

[1:12] But not movies we've ever covered.

[1:14] We've never done them before. These are unexplored stars in the bad movie firmament for us.

[1:19] Yes. And the thing that's a little new about it is they're going to be a little shorter.

[1:25] They're not going to be like full live shows. We're doing this under the sort of slogan of Flop TV,

[1:31] a once-a-month, one-hour version of a Flophouse show.

[1:38] And you can see any individual show. You can get tickets for seven bucks.

[1:44] And if you want to see the whole season, you can get a season pass for 35 bucks,

[1:48] which is a discount on buying them all individually.

[1:52] That's like getting one show for free.

[1:54] Exactly. Exactly.

[1:56] And if that's going to be a Flophouse hour, that's like a normal hour and a half for a regular person, right?

[2:02] I mean, it'd probably be an hour and a half for us, ultimately, too.

[2:06] We're going to try our best.

[2:08] They'll make it two and a half hours for a normal person.

[2:11] It won't be one of the three-hour slobber knockers that we're used to doing for our live streaming shows.

[2:16] I'm excited about it. Six live streaming shows.

[2:18] Dan, what are the movies that we're going to be covering?

[2:21] Well, I got the list right here.

[2:24] The first one on August 5th is Beastmaster 2.

[2:30] Through the portal of time?

[2:32] Through the portal of time. Not the porthole of time, as some may have claimed, but the portal of time.

[2:37] On September 9th, Cool World.

[2:40] Have you ever wished this world would be cooler?

[2:43] Yes. Every day.

[2:45] Well, Holly would if she could.

[2:47] What would Holly if she could? We'll find out. I've never understood it.

[2:50] Hopefully murder me.

[2:52] October 7th, we're doing a double feature of meat fast food titled movies.

[3:00] We've got Hot Dog the Movie and Hamburger the Motion Picture.

[3:04] Mmm. Yummy.

[3:07] November 4th, we'll do Over the Top, the sliced saloon arm wrestling picture.

[3:13] Maybe the greatest sports movie ever made? Or is it terrible? We'll find out.

[3:17] December 2nd, Ballistic X vs. Sever, one of the most confusingly named movies.

[3:22] I've never seen it. I've never seen it either.

[3:24] I don't know what, I mean, apparently X is versus Sever in it. That's all I know.

[3:28] And it's ballistic, guys.

[3:30] It's ballistic as hell.

[3:32] And on January 6th, New Key, the movie that Elliot has warned people not to see.

[3:39] The second worst movie I've ever seen. We will be watching it and talking about it.

[3:44] So I'm excited, guys. Flop TV, it's like a TV show version of the Flophouse.

[3:49] One Saturday a month for six months. I think it's going to be super fun.

[3:52] What do you guys think? Do you guys think it's going to be good or terrible?

[3:55] I hope it's going to be good, guys. I need a win.

[3:57] But you can dip in and out. You can buy a season pass.

[4:02] And it's an experiment we're doing. If this goes well, maybe we'll do another season.

[4:08] If it doesn't, maybe it will go down in the memory hole and never be spoken of again.

[4:12] When it definitely goes well.

[4:14] Yeah, when it definitely goes well, it will be part of Flop Nation going forward anyway.

[4:20] So that was our big announcement.

[4:22] But wait, Dan. Where can our audience find the tickets and other information?

[4:27] Yes, that's a good point. There is a website that will give you better information than I just gave you.

[4:34] You can read it at your leisure. You can buy tickets.

[4:37] It is theflophouse.simpletics.com or, if you find this easier to remember, tinyurl.com.

[4:48] So go to either theflophouse.simpletics.com or tinyurl.com.

[4:56] I'll put a link in the show notes, of course. You'll be able to find it at the website.

[5:01] So don't stress if you didn't get those.

[5:04] But Elliot, back to what we're doing today, our today's business.

[5:09] We've dealt with new business, business that's so new it hasn't even happened yet.

[5:14] I'm excited about those shows. I can't wait to see them and do them.

[5:17] But today we're doing another exciting show. It's our mini.

[5:20] And today we're doing a special mini about our favorite miniature monsters.

[5:25] That's right, the Gremlins.

[5:27] And today we have a very special guest with us.

[5:30] That's right, executive producer of the current television series, Gremlins, Secrets of the Mogwai,

[5:35] Brendan Hay, is here to join us to talk about Gremlins.

[5:39] Brendan, thanks so much for joining us.

[5:41] Tell us, when did you first get involved with Gremlins?

[5:45] What's your earliest memory of Gremlins? Talk to us about Gremlins.

[5:48] I'll tell you all about Gremlins. Thank you guys for having me.

[5:51] Gremlins have been in my life almost as long as I can remember

[5:54] since my older cousins took me to see the movie when I was like six in the theater

[5:58] and it scarred me in a wonderful way.

[6:01] It kind of just infected me with a love for horror, comedy that has never been fully satiated.

[6:07] I just keep going for it every time.

[6:09] Yeah, I love Gremlins and luckily got the chance to work on the show

[6:13] and been doing it since 2019 and now people finally get to see it,

[6:17] which is really fun and joy and it's been nice that people are digging it.

[6:21] And where can this show be seen?

[6:24] It can be seen on everyone's kind of most friendly named streaming service of Max.

[6:30] Max, is that associated with HBO in some way?

[6:33] You know what? It's like it knows HBO.

[6:37] I don't think they're friends.

[6:39] It's kind of a Clark Kent Superman relationship, I think, with HBO.

[6:42] HBO is when Max wears glasses, I see.

[6:44] Yeah, exactly.

[6:46] I'm saying boo to only the corporate parent of that streaming service

[6:51] and not at all to the show.

[6:53] As a registered member who's on strike, Max is my enemy

[6:56] and especially the head of the company is my enemy.

[7:01] Don't get Brendan in trouble.

[7:03] Well, if it helps at all, here's the nice thing.

[7:06] Gremlins is a member of IOTSE.

[7:09] It's an animation guild show, so we are covered by entirely other unions

[7:13] and, of course, we stand in solidarity with our WGA brothers and sisters.

[7:17] Thank you.

[7:19] But it is also governed under – we'll be going on strike basically next year

[7:22] when our contract is up.

[7:24] That sounds great.

[7:25] And I will say last year at San Diego Comic-Con,

[7:28] my son and I saw the first episode of Gremlins, Secrets of the Magui.

[7:32] Brendan was on a panel there, and it was really fun,

[7:36] and I'm looking forward to sharing the whole series with him.

[7:39] My son has never seen the movie.

[7:40] It's too scary, but I think he's going to like it.

[7:42] What about that Santa monologue?

[7:44] The what?

[7:45] What about the Santa monologue from Phoebe Cates?

[7:48] I shared that with my children, yeah, of course.

[7:53] The most disturbing part.

[7:55] No, I watched the first couple episodes, and we both enjoyed it very much,

[8:01] but Audra was like, this is going to scare children.

[8:03] I'm like, yes, that's the beauty of Gremlins.

[8:05] That's the point.

[8:06] Exactly.

[8:07] It should be every kid's gateway.

[8:08] We actually got this weekend a letter passed on to us that was written by

[8:12] a 10-year-old that had his parents pass it on via social media

[8:17] about how we're too scary and we should think of smaller children

[8:21] and babies that could be watching.

[8:22] Babies?

[8:24] Our thing was that.

[8:25] Consider the babies.

[8:26] Clearly, we are not thinking of the babies.

[8:28] Go watch the Super Mario Brothers movie.

[8:30] The ironic thing is so Gremlins, if anyone is not familiar with it,

[8:35] Gremlins is a movie from 1984 that's amazing,

[8:39] and it's about little green monsters that attack people and kill them

[8:44] and also get killed in horrible ways.

[8:46] When I was a kid, I loved it, and then it was like I turned –

[8:49] I think I must have been five or six when I first saw it.

[8:52] Then when I turned around eight, it became scary to me.

[8:55] Like I suddenly realized what was going on in the movie,

[8:57] and then it took me a couple years before I could watch it again.

[8:59] You understood the stakes at that point.

[9:01] Exactly.

[9:02] Like, oh, when the mean old lady flies out of her house

[9:05] and lands face down in the snow and never gets up again, she's dead now.

[9:09] Yeah.

[9:10] Ellie was scared.

[9:11] She's like, no, Billy's going to lose his job at the bank.

[9:13] Yeah.

[9:14] That is what scared me.

[9:15] Yeah, yeah.

[9:16] He's not even pursuing his artistic dreams full time.

[9:18] Oh, no.

[9:21] Gremlins 2 came out and I'm like, oh, thank goodness.

[9:23] At least now we'll see Billy as a working artist.

[9:25] I'm like, well, he is, but he's doing kind of –

[9:27] he's not doing the kind of work he really cares about.

[9:29] He's not speaking with his soul.

[9:30] He took the safe route.

[9:31] Yeah, and Dan was upset that like the gremlins are destroying

[9:34] a beautiful corporate building.

[9:36] It's a shining –

[9:38] that this Trump surrogate is having his building destroyed.

[9:41] He goes, the gremlins are attacking a corporation?

[9:43] Why, that's a person.

[9:44] How dare they?

[9:46] The only bad thing I can say about Gremlins 2 is that it makes

[9:51] its Trump surrogate so lovable.

[9:53] Yes.

[9:54] Daniel Glover.

[9:55] Yeah.

[9:56] So the –

[10:00] What's his name?

[10:00] John Glover.

[10:01] John Glover.

[10:02] Daniel Glover.

[10:03] Daniel Glover or Danny Glover is a different actor, yeah.

[10:07] But they both had relatives who made gloves.

[10:09] Yeah, they're both descended from the makers of gloves,

[10:12] just like William Shakespeare, the son of a glove maker.

[10:15] So, Gremlins, it's a movie that I think means a lot

[10:17] to all of us.

[10:18] Gremlins 2 was a massively important movie

[10:20] to me growing up also.

[10:21] And that's why, with Brendan here with us today,

[10:24] I wanted to talk Gremlins with you guys,

[10:25] but also, we're grownups now.

[10:27] And if I've learned anything

[10:29] from the current media ecosystem,

[10:31] it's that when I grow up,

[10:32] the things that I loved as a kid,

[10:34] I don't have to let go of them.

[10:35] I can drag them into adulthood with me

[10:38] and make them more mature and more grownup and adult.

[10:42] So today, we're gonna be taking Gremlins

[10:44] and we're gonna be adulting it up.

[10:45] Because that's right, guys,

[10:46] it's time for me to lay on you

[10:48] the top 10 sexiest Gremlins.

[10:50] That's right, it's the countdown you've been waiting for.

[10:52] We're gonna go all the way from 10 down to number one,

[10:55] which of the individual Gremlins from the movie Gremlins,

[10:58] no human characters allowed,

[11:00] is objectively the sexiest.

[11:03] Guys, tell me your thoughts.

[11:04] Are you ready for this?

[11:05] Are you ready to,

[11:06] I should've put a parenteral advisory on this one.

[11:08] We are gonna be talking about sexy Gremlins

[11:10] and kids might not be ready for that.

[11:12] Because that's the other letter you got, Brendan, right?

[11:13] Was you got a letter from a kid saying,

[11:15] this show is too sexy?

[11:16] Thinking about getting some babies?

[11:18] No, that letter was from a baby

[11:20] who said, actually, it could be a little sexier.

[11:22] Oh, I see, okay.

[11:24] Yeah, that makes sense.

[11:25] Babies love sex, it's how they get made.

[11:28] Go, if anybody knows it.

[11:29] Guys, what are your feelings

[11:31] about what we're gonna talk about today?

[11:34] Confused. I'm like a nervous

[11:35] anticipation, just like when performing the act of sex.

[11:39] Yeah, a little excited.

[11:41] And a little afraid, right?

[11:42] Yeah, of course. Yeah, constantly.

[11:44] Yeah, yeah.

[11:45] So why don't we just start, if you guys are ready.

[11:47] Let's start with number 10

[11:48] on the sexiest Gremlins countdown.

[11:51] Okay, bottom of the barrel.

[11:54] Least fuckable Gremlins, there are many.

[11:56] Again, there are hundreds of Gremlins.

[11:57] To make it on the list is a big achievement.

[11:59] There's a lot of Gremlins

[12:00] that did not make it onto this list.

[12:02] Let's just say, Phantom of the Opera Face Gremlin

[12:04] from Gremlins 2 didn't make it onto the list.

[12:07] Wow, that's crazy,

[12:08] because he's a dark bad boy.

[12:10] That's right.

[12:11] He's romantic.

[12:12] The leader of the bad guy Gremlins in Gremlins 2

[12:15] also didn't make it onto the list.

[12:16] Wow.

[12:17] Even when he's a spider?

[12:18] He could hug you multiple times with all those legs.

[12:21] You know what, I should give a caveat.

[12:24] Pre-Spider Spike is not on this list.

[12:26] You'll see as I get through.

[12:27] Okay, and he becomes a different person

[12:29] as far as I'm concerned, or a different Gremlin.

[12:30] Well, let's just start with it.

[12:31] Okay, number 10.

[12:33] So this is not bottom of the barrel.

[12:34] This is the least of the best.

[12:37] Worst of the best, exactly.

[12:38] The number 10, you know it's Daffy Gremlin.

[12:40] The Gremlin from Gremlins 2 is kind of a maniac.

[12:42] He's silly, he's got a great sense of humor,

[12:44] but he's also a dentist, as we see in one scene,

[12:46] and that's a stable job, which makes him a good provider.

[12:49] So, Daffy Gremlin, what do you think about him?

[12:53] Yeah, I mean, I guess, you know,

[12:56] sense of humor is important to a lot of people in a mate.

[12:59] I don't know if it's sexy, per se.

[13:03] He's got those googly eyes.

[13:04] You never know where he's looking,

[13:05] and there's something kind of intriguing about that.

[13:07] Yeah, I mean, I do, like,

[13:10] I assume that there are people out there

[13:12] with dentistry fantasies, so you got that going for you.

[13:15] Yeah, what do you say, Stu?

[13:17] Yeah, I mean, he wears a mask in his dentist thing.

[13:21] Yeah, I mean, he's got those beautiful eyes that, like,

[13:24] you never know if he's looking into your eyes

[13:26] or just looking into space.

[13:29] Or both.

[13:30] He's got a little bit of hair.

[13:31] You could stare into those eyes forever.

[13:32] Whatever that is.

[13:33] If they're pointed at you.

[13:33] Like a crest.

[13:35] Yeah, it's some of the best hair of the Gremlins,

[13:37] because, let's face it, most of them have none.

[13:40] So he's definitely, like, top tier on that.

[13:42] As reptiles, most of them don't have hair,

[13:44] but he does, and yeah, it's fabulous.

[13:46] He takes care of it.

[13:47] And he calls attention to himself.

[13:48] He's got confidence.

[13:51] He's constantly peacocking, yeah.

[13:53] So that's number 10, Daffy Gremlin.

[13:55] I think you all agree, number 10.

[13:56] Number nine, ooh, it's gonna make this one,

[13:59] it makes some people mad that he's so low on the list.

[14:01] It might be even a little shocking.

[14:02] That's right, it's Electric Gremlin.

[14:04] The Gremlin from Gremlins 2, who,

[14:06] through the power of chemistry,

[14:07] has somehow turned into a bioelectric form

[14:10] that can go into a phone and be trapped

[14:12] in a voicemail system, only to be called up later.

[14:15] He's, look, he's glamorous,

[14:17] he doesn't obey the laws of physics,

[14:19] and that is pretty erotic,

[14:21] but he's just gonna hurt you in the end,

[14:23] and that's why he's down at number nine.

[14:25] He's good for a one-night stand, maybe,

[14:26] if you don't get burned.

[14:28] So guys-

[14:29] He potentially survives the decimation

[14:31] of the Gremlins at the end of the second movie.

[14:33] Yeah, yes, that's true.

[14:34] That's what I was gonna say.

[14:35] That was my lunch table discussion in fifth,

[14:37] or actually, sorry, summer discussion in fifth grade

[14:39] that has still never been resolved.

[14:40] What are your thoughts?

[14:41] Does he survive the end of Gremlins 2?

[14:43] I feel like he does.

[14:46] Because we don't see him

[14:47] after he zaps all the other Gremlins, right?

[14:49] Yeah.

[14:50] That's true, but yeah, I guess you're right.

[14:54] There's nothing-

[14:55] Do you think, by spreading out that much,

[14:57] maybe he has a larger experience pool,

[14:59] and he becomes like a Dr. Manhattan-type figure?

[15:02] Yeah, yeah, he's now running loose through time.

[15:05] Oh, that's why there's that meme of him on the moon.

[15:07] Yeah, I just sort of assumed that being, you know,

[15:10] split everywhere at once kind of dispersed

[15:12] whatever, you know, biomagic was keeping him together.

[15:17] That's true, yeah.

[15:19] It's all science.

[15:20] He's injected with a chemical that makes him electric.

[15:22] This is at the Splice of Life Genetics Lab,

[15:26] which is in this giant mall-slash-office-building-slash-

[15:29] television studio, and he-

[15:32] If it wasn't for government restrictions,

[15:33] any of us could go to our local grocery store

[15:36] and get a thing of that and inject ourselves

[15:39] and become living electric people.

[15:41] Oh, what a better world that would be.

[15:43] Oh, no, but Fauci doesn't want us to be electric people.

[15:45] Basically, for Bioshock.

[15:47] Yeah.

[15:50] So that's number nine.

[15:51] Super sexy, but you know what?

[15:53] Safety first.

[15:53] That's what I say.

[15:54] Safety first.

[15:56] Number eight.

[15:57] This gremlin's got a lot of mystery behind him.

[15:59] That's because we never see him on screen.

[16:02] He's the shadow puppet gremlin in Gremlins 2

[16:04] who wrecks the film, and then does it.

[16:07] It's the third shadow puppet gremlin,

[16:08] the one who does Abraham Lincoln's shadow with his hands,

[16:12] not just because I'm an Abraham Lincoln fan,

[16:13] but if he can do that with his hands,

[16:15] what else is he able to do with his hands?

[16:16] Like a very, very Solomon King-type gremlin.

[16:19] Yeah, exactly.

[16:21] Yeah, a lot of fluttering sheer curtains

[16:24] and things like that, soft lighting.

[16:27] Here's the thing, though.

[16:27] You don't actually see his face,

[16:29] so you don't know how attractive he is,

[16:31] and call me shallow, but looks matter to me

[16:34] when it comes to gremlins.

[16:35] Yeah, that's fair.

[16:36] How do you guys feel about it?

[16:37] Can you overlook that because you know

[16:40] that shadow puppet gremlin is able to do amazing things

[16:42] with those claws of his?

[16:44] I think he's a good one-night-stand gremlin

[16:46] because I think it's gonna be, this is a nice novelty.

[16:48] Oh, you're really into not touching.

[16:51] You want to just give me a mind orgasm

[16:53] with your imagery and stuff like that.

[16:55] Sure, yeah.

[16:56] Second or third time, though, no.

[16:58] Just it's not gonna cut it.

[16:59] He can only be edged so much.

[17:00] That makes sense by a gremlin.

[17:02] You're presuming that on this date with said gremlin,

[17:05] he would, or she would, I mean,

[17:08] I guess there's only the one female gremlin.

[17:09] I mean, it's so hard to say.

[17:11] Like, are all gremlins sexless until that,

[17:17] well, we'll get there.

[17:18] We actually covered that in our show.

[17:20] No, it's not a joke.

[17:21] They reproduce through budding,

[17:23] through moisture-induced budding.

[17:25] So yeah, they don't reproduce through sexuality.

[17:28] They have no genitalia as far as we know,

[17:31] and they're naked, so yes, they have no genitalia.

[17:32] But on the other hand, they flash Phoebe Cates,

[17:35] I think, multiple times.

[17:37] So what are they showing?

[17:38] It's hard to know.

[17:39] Well, I just wanted to add,

[17:40] I mean, you presume that on this date,

[17:45] this gremlin is going to stay behind a scrim

[17:47] the entire time.

[17:49] An angus scrim, yeah.

[17:51] Yeah, like a mixologist in a Salt Lake City bar

[17:57] before they changed the law.

[17:59] Because back in the day, if you wanted to get a cocktail,

[18:01] because of Mormon laws, you had to like,

[18:02] they had to like mix your drink

[18:04] or pour your drink behind a screen,

[18:06] and then they'd serve it to you.

[18:08] That gremlin would be great at that.

[18:09] He would be, he would be, that's great.

[18:11] Now, here's the thing.

[18:12] The shadow of a gremlin,

[18:13] I like to imagine that he looks like

[18:15] the 3D Glasses movie gremlin from the first movie,

[18:18] because that gremlin is a snack.

[18:20] Let me just tell you.

[18:21] Yeah, no, that's a good one.

[18:22] Yeah.

[18:23] And speaking of snacks, what a great segue.

[18:25] Let's go to number seven, vegetable gremlin.

[18:27] Number seven's the obvious gremlin.

[18:29] He's a salad.

[18:31] Obvious reasons, healthy and organic,

[18:33] also a literal snack.

[18:35] You can't go wrong with vegetable gremlin.

[18:37] Guys, give me your thoughts on veggie gremlin.

[18:40] So is the premise when you inject yourself with that serum,

[18:44] vegetables grow out of your body.

[18:45] It doesn't necessarily turn you into one big vegetable.

[18:49] No, I think it turns you into a cornucopia of vegetables.

[18:52] His ears become lettuce leaves, right?

[18:54] Oh, yeah.

[18:55] Yeah.

[18:56] And I think he keeps reproducing.

[18:57] If he does get harvested,

[18:58] it seems that he keeps growing more.

[19:00] Yeah.

[19:01] Even like that bartender gremlin picks off his head.

[19:04] He's both a grower and a shower.

[19:06] He shows off his vegetables and he grows more.

[19:08] Yeah.

[19:09] Yeah.

[19:10] Very rare.

[19:11] I mean, I don't wanna get too much to the mechanics of this,

[19:13] but yeah, I mean, he is growing a number

[19:18] of sort of phallic objects on his face,

[19:21] the carrots and whatnot.

[19:23] Oh.

[19:24] I'm just saying they could be put to use

[19:27] and I'll just leave it there.

[19:29] He's more practical.

[19:30] Okay, Dan, let's not get,

[19:31] let's get our minds out of the gutter for a moment.

[19:34] Let's not be too vulgar.

[19:35] We are talking about the top 10 sexiest gremlins,

[19:37] but still, yeah, but you totally could use one of those.

[19:39] I'm sorry, I thought this was an after dark program.

[19:42] It's not the top 10 gremlins who fuck.

[19:44] It's the top 10 sexiest.

[19:45] It's more about the tease.

[19:47] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[19:48] It shows you what a big impression gremlins two made on me,

[19:51] that the vegetable gremlin is so clear in my mind.

[19:53] There's a YouTube video

[19:54] with all the vegetable gremlin scenes

[19:55] and it's less than a minute and a half long.

[19:58] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[20:00] Is it like a fan cam?

[20:02] Yeah, something like that.

[20:04] And this description says,

[20:06] all the scenes of The Vegetable Gremlin,

[20:08] the movie Gremlins 2, including deleted scenes.

[20:10] It's less than a minute and a half long.

[20:12] So a real Boba Fett of the movie.

[20:14] Not a lot of screen time, but a big presence.

[20:16] Number six, we're going to go to a break pretty soon,

[20:19] but number six coming up is the next one before that break.

[20:23] Come on guys, you know what number six has to be.

[20:25] Can you guess it? Can you guess what number six is going to be?

[20:28] What's the sixth sexiest gremlin?

[20:30] Is it Lenny?

[20:32] No.

[20:34] Here's a hint.

[20:36] Here's a hint.

[20:38] It's a gremlin you can have sex with in daylight.

[20:42] Oh.

[20:44] There's only one then, obviously.

[20:46] Yep, it's the bat gremlin.

[20:48] That's right, the bat gremlin.

[20:50] He can go out during the day.

[20:52] Can't underestimate that.

[20:54] Finally, a gremlin you can take to Sunday brunch with your gal pals.

[20:56] And you're giggling the whole time because they don't know that you just had sex right before the brunch.

[20:59] Uh-huh, yep.

[21:01] Now, yes, it may be a little bit difficult that he is now a giant concrete-covered gargoyle on St. Patrick's Cathedral

[21:07] thanks to the work of one Murray Futterman, the enemy of all gremlins.

[21:11] But it's, you know what, just chip him out of there and go wild.

[21:15] He's the bat gremlin.

[21:17] Yeah, do you think he's still okay inside that shell?

[21:21] I have to assume so. I have to assume he's doing fine.

[21:23] The bat gremlins, they seem to like to eat, but I don't think they need to eat.

[21:27] I don't know if they need air.

[21:29] And I think here's my fantasy about him is he just takes those wings and just wraps them around me

[21:34] and nobody can see what's going on, just like Rodan's memorial statue to Balzac,

[21:38] which has that cape just covering it all up.

[21:41] So, bat gremlin, bat gremlin guys, do you have any other thoughts about bat gremlins?

[21:47] Rodan and Balzac, I love them.

[21:49] Yeah, I mean, once you got to Rodan, you covered it all.

[21:52] I'm going to throw out, by the way, both do gremlins need to eat or stuff like that,

[21:56] covered in the series, also do gremlins gender themselves, covered in the series.

[22:00] These are actually, we address the questions people have.

[22:04] You are really revealing all the secrets of the Mogwai and their associated gremlin colleagues.

[22:09] That's amazing. I want to make it clear when I said Rodan.

[22:12] Counterparts.

[22:13] Yeah, they're coworkers.

[22:15] When I said Rodan, I meant the sculptor and not the giant monster

[22:19] who does have wings just like bat gremlin and is also super sexy.

[22:24] Did the monster have a memorial or a tribute to Balzac?

[22:28] I don't know that the monster was able to carve that bronze memorial to Balzac as Auguste Rodan did.

[22:35] So, guys, that's the tops, actually the bottom five sexiest gremlins.

[22:40] Again, reminding you before we go to the break, number ten, daffy gremlin,

[22:43] number nine, electric gremlin, number eight, shadow puppet gremlin,

[22:47] number seven, vegetable gremlin, number six, bat gremlin.

[22:50] Before we go to the break, guys, any surprises?

[22:52] Any things that you didn't expect to see on the list of top ten sexiest gremlins?

[22:57] I mean, shadow puppet gremlin was a surprise, but not an unwelcome one.

[23:01] Okay, and Brendan, what about you?

[23:03] I did not see shadow gremlin coming at all. That was a huge surprise.

[23:06] Yeah, although they have a talent, which is attractive.

[23:11] Oh, yeah, very much so.

[23:13] Yeah, they can perform.

[23:15] He was a dark horse candidate, but, again, it is dark where he is. It's just a shadow.

[23:18] That's true, and gremlins like the dark.

[23:21] Yeah, now here's the thing.

[23:23] We also got the attention of one Hulk Hogan, and, you know, that's not nothing.

[23:28] Yeah, if you can pitch woo at both Paul Bartel and Hulk Hogan at once, you're fine.

[23:35] What a threesome, Paul Bartel, Hulk Hogan, the shadow gremlin,

[23:38] because Hulk literally starts ripping his clothes off as soon as he sees the shadow gremlin.

[23:42] He just can't control himself.

[23:45] A man known for being able to control.

[23:48] A man known for self-control.

[23:51] Otherwise not a man who gets in trouble nearly constantly for his actions.

[23:56] Although now mentioning Paul Bartel and imagining eating Raul, but it's all gremlins that they're seducing and killing and eating.

[24:04] Anyway, guys, let's take a break.

[24:07] We'll get back to our top five sexiest gremlins after this.

[24:10] Dan, I believe you have a word from our sponsor.

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[25:59] That's Soylent.com, slash FLOP and code FLOP for 20% off your first order.

[26:06] We also have a special Jumbotron today.

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[26:52] It's all kids, kids, kids, kids, kids.

[26:54] And I'm stuck watching whatever they want to watch.

[26:56] Someday, they'll want to watch the Gremlins movies.

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[27:03] I put an ad spot into your Jumbotron.

[27:05] Take that, Sam Bro.

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[27:37] All right, class.

[27:38] Tomorrow's exam will cover the science of perfect pitch, the history of pride flags, and speedrunning video games.

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[29:04] Okay, guys.

[29:05] Those were our messages.

[29:06] Now it's back to top ten sexiest gremlins brought to you by The Flophouse with special guest Brendan Hay.

[29:12] We actually – there's a bit of a controversy over on the flop gremlin chatter.

[29:17] The judges are actually readjusting some of the rankings.

[29:21] A vegetable gremlin in a shocking turn of events has fallen below shadow puppet gremlin.

[29:27] Wow.

[29:28] Because one of the judges realized that picking the food off him is a little bit like eating sushi off a naked person, which is weird and gross.

[29:34] And it just seems like it's going to make your sushi warm, and it's going to make your naked person sticky.

[29:40] So that made vegetable gremlin drop down a little bit.

[29:43] Features, not bugs, but continue.

[29:46] I don't want to kink shame there, but all right.

[29:48] Now in the movie – I never saw the movie Hero Dreams of Sushi.

[29:51] Was he dreaming – was it a sex dream where he was dreaming about eating sushi off a naked person?

[29:55] Uh-huh, yeah.

[29:56] He was dreaming the time he watched Rising Sun while his parents were asleep in the other room.

[30:00] And he said, someday I'm going to get into that world.

[30:05] Someday I'll be involved with sushi too.

[30:07] Okay, guys, we're back to the top five.

[30:10] This is the five sexiest gremlins, or these are the five sexiest gremlins.

[30:14] Number five, this is going to be a controversial one.

[30:17] This is going to be a big debate.

[30:19] Buckle up, everybody, because I think there's going to be a little bit of argument here.

[30:22] Number five, Greta, the lady gremlin.

[30:26] Number five.

[30:27] Number five.

[30:28] The sexiest gremlin, Dan, I can see the anger in your eyes.

[30:31] Bring it to me.

[30:32] Tell me why I'm wrong.

[30:33] I'm not.

[30:34] I'm not.

[30:35] Hold on.

[30:36] Well, you know, share your logic, share your work.

[30:37] Audrey got me, uh, for my birthday, uh, I want to bring it over here as a visual aid.

[30:44] It's for the audience at home.

[30:46] It's a, it's a, it's an action figure of Greta.

[30:50] I thought you were going to tell me that she dressed up as Greta for your birthday.

[30:52] And I was going to say, I don't want to know that.

[30:54] How can you argue with this?

[30:55] I don't want to know about this.

[30:58] Here's the thing, Dan.

[30:59] Yes, she's beautiful.

[31:00] Yes, she's beautiful.

[31:01] She's gorgeous.

[31:02] She's got glamour style.

[31:04] She wears make a lot of makeup and she knows that.

[31:07] There she is.

[31:08] And she knows that Brandon knows what she wants and she goes to get it.

[31:12] She does.

[31:13] That's the thing.

[31:14] She's a little self-involved and she's a little pushy that goes after Robert Picardo hard.

[31:20] And at first understand because Robert Picardo, yes.

[31:26] Also a snack.

[31:27] Here's the thing.

[31:28] I'm going to put her at five because she is just, she only wants what she wants.

[31:31] She's not interested in what you want.

[31:33] She's all about taking and not about giving.

[31:35] So that's why she's at number five, unless, unless, yes, Brandon, what were you saying?

[31:40] I mean, she's, she's giving to Robert Picardo, but that's, she's giving, she's giving in

[31:45] a way that, uh, well, I guess you're right about that.

[31:47] Here's the thing.

[31:48] If you're Robert Picardo, Greta goes to number one, or if you are Robert Picardo's son, in

[31:53] which case Greta goes from lady gremlin to step mom, gremlin instantly rockets to number

[31:57] one sexiest gremlin.

[31:59] So that's the case.

[32:00] If you are Robert Picardo's son, Greta is your number one sexiest gremlin.

[32:04] Absolutely.

[32:05] Yeah.

[32:06] It's very taboo.

[32:07] Uh, even more taboo than having sex with a miniature reptile, uh, that has been the result

[32:13] of a chemical experiment gone right.

[32:15] You know, you know, there's like a limited edition Greta gremlin flashlight out there,

[32:20] right?

[32:21] Uh, I mean, it's just a regular flashlight, but it's green.

[32:25] I don't want to think about it too much.

[32:26] Dan, you had a lot of questions about gremlin genitalia earlier in the show, and now when

[32:29] we're getting into the nitty gritty of it, suddenly you don't want to hear about it.

[32:35] There's a difference between the level of interest I have for comedy and then having

[32:40] like sort of visions, you know, appear in my brain of something that may exist out in

[32:44] the world.

[32:45] Yeah.

[32:46] Something that definitely exists.

[32:47] Yeah.

[32:48] Yeah.

[32:49] All right.

[32:50] Now that's, uh, so that's number five on my book is Greta, but again, your results

[32:54] may vary.

[32:55] She's a very popular gremlin, but I think it's going to hard.

[32:58] It's hard to argue with number four, number four sexiest gremlin.

[33:01] We got to go back to the original gremlins movie, the unnamed gremlin at the bar who

[33:05] is dressed like Jennifer Beals and flash dance and is dancing their heart out to the song

[33:10] mega madness or mutant madness, whatever that, however, the song, uh, the song that is apparently

[33:16] written by the same person who wrote the song maniac from flash dance.

[33:20] And so there's a lot going on there, guys, this, this gremlin, maybe it's just the way

[33:24] that it's shot.

[33:25] Super flash dance video style, but this gremlin is super sexy.

[33:28] I only saw a flash dance like kind of recently.

[33:31] And I love the idea that this like blue collar steel town that can support like multiple dancing

[33:38] lady established.

[33:39] Yeah.

[33:40] Well, especially one that's appears to mostly have like sort of avant-garde dance where

[33:45] no one takes their clothes off.

[33:46] Yeah.

[33:47] That's the highbrow one.

[33:48] And there's the lowbrow one across the street.

[33:49] Yeah.

[33:50] It's about expression.

[33:51] Now I want to say that again, this is flash dance and not splash dance.

[33:55] The 1983 Disney novelty album where the Disney characters saying 1980s themed songs.

[34:01] Oh, that makes sense.

[34:02] And that's great for kids because they're familiar with flash dance.

[34:05] Yes, exactly.

[34:07] A movie that doesn't really have like any, uh, any like conflict.

[34:12] She's just like, I want to dance.

[34:13] And she starts dating a guy and he's like, I want you to dance.

[34:16] And she's like, okay, I'll dance.

[34:18] And that's it.

[34:19] Stuart, you of all people should know the conflict is capitalism.

[34:21] That's the conflict in the movie.

[34:23] You're right.

[34:24] It's a person versus world movie though.

[34:26] That world is capitalism.

[34:27] Brendan.

[34:28] Yeah.

[34:29] What's your take on that?

[34:30] I was going to say, it's also the 1980s Jerry Bruckheimer conflict of all films of the lead

[34:32] character of I'm awesome.

[34:34] Halfway through.

[34:35] Am I awesome?

[34:37] Yeah.

[34:38] Yeah.

[34:39] That's called the hero.

[34:40] The awesome hero's journey.

[34:41] Or also the conflict of the recent Maverick, Top Gun, Maverick, a movie that just confirms

[34:49] the awesomeness of Maverick.

[34:52] Doesn't get bad.

[34:53] It's like, wow, that's a cool name.

[34:54] Does he deserve it?

[34:55] Yes, he does.

[34:56] Has Maverick slowed down a little bit and lost his zazz?

[35:00] No, still got it.

[35:01] If anything too much.

[35:02] Still got it.

[35:03] Still more.

[35:04] Now he's not being held back by Goose.

[35:06] The world needs more.

[35:07] So I said it.

[35:08] I think she I think you're right.

[35:09] I think it's also, you know, what's attractive about her.

[35:10] She has a dream.

[35:11] Yes.

[35:12] She has a passion.

[35:13] Yes.

[35:14] This is a gremlin with ambitions.

[35:15] A gremlin with passion.

[35:16] Like you're saying, a gremlin who wants more than just to be another gremlin working in

[35:17] a steel town on a Saturday night.

[35:18] Yeah.

[35:19] And so that's that's number four.

[35:20] Unnamed gremlin dressed like Flashdance at the bar.

[35:21] That bar scene, even as a kid, I got to say, this is just if you want to go straight to

[35:22] my heart.

[35:23] You have to go straight to my heart.

[35:27] I love it.

[35:28] Yep.

[35:29] Star Wars.

[35:30] The Dark Crystal.

[35:31] Gremlins.

[35:32] I can watch that forever.

[35:33] It's all I want to say.

[35:34] And we recently talked about how there's a bar scene in the most recent Ant-Man movie

[35:35] and how we're like, no, this should be fun.

[35:36] Yes.

[35:37] Like, I love this show.

[35:38] I love it.

[35:39] I love it.

[35:40] I love it.

[35:41] I love it.

[35:42] I love it.

[35:43] I love it.

[35:44] I love it.

[35:45] I love it.

[35:46] I love it.

[35:47] I love it.

[35:48] I love it.

[35:49] I love it.

[35:50] I love it.

[35:51] I love it.

[35:52] I love it.

[35:53] I love it.

[35:54] I love it.

[35:55] I love it.

[35:56] I love it.

[35:57] I love it.

[35:58] I love it.

[35:59] I love this shit and this is not what I love.

[36:00] Ironically, that bar scene does not clear the bar of science fiction bar scenes.

[36:04] Thank you.

[36:05] I'm getting applause visually from Stewart and Brendan.

[36:07] Dan, not approving.

[36:08] They can hear it.

[36:09] Don't edit that out, Alex.

[36:12] Don't.

[36:13] Keep it in.

[36:14] Keep it in.

[36:15] Keep all my mistakes in.

[36:16] Throw in some audience clapping.

[36:17] But it's a good show.

[36:19] In movies, there's a high standard set for creatures hanging out at bars.

[36:25] You're going to have to work really hard.

[36:27] Speaking of working hard, here's number three, the number three sexiest gremlin.

[36:31] And he didn't get there just by his looks, although he's got them.

[36:34] He didn't get there just by charisma, though he's got it.

[36:37] He got there by outworking every other damn gremlin and mogwai there is, except for two.

[36:43] It's number three.

[36:44] Stripe, the main bad guy from the original gremlins.

[36:46] He's got that white mohawk.

[36:49] He's got some snow on the roof, but that doesn't mean there isn't a party downstairs.

[36:54] Guys, what do you feel about Stripe, the ultimate bad boy?

[36:56] He even carries a gun, a little miniature gun made for a gremlin.

[36:59] Where'd he get that thing?

[37:00] I don't know.

[37:01] Ironically, Mohawk, the guy in the next movie, like he doesn't have a mohawk.

[37:07] He has spikes, right?

[37:09] Correct.

[37:10] Yes.

[37:11] Yes.

[37:12] I don't know.

[37:13] But he does when he's a mogwai.

[37:14] When he's a mogwai, he has a mohawk.

[37:15] Yeah.

[37:16] I don't know what point I'm making with that.

[37:17] I just find it interesting.

[37:19] Why is it we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway, and yet Mohawk has spikes, but

[37:25] Stripe has a mohawk?

[37:26] Did you just make that up?

[37:29] Stand up.

[37:30] Wait, did Elliot just make that up, the parkway thing?

[37:33] Yeah.

[37:34] It just came to me.

[37:35] It just came to you right off the dome.

[37:36] Yeah.

[37:37] Just like Stripe's mohawk, Stripe.

[37:38] Right off the dome.

[37:39] Now, Stripe, even when I was a kid, I wasn't attracted to him necessarily because I wasn't

[37:42] sexually aware yet.

[37:43] Because we don't drive on a driveway.

[37:45] We should, right?

[37:47] But I knew there was something special about him.

[37:49] Is that what it's called?

[37:50] I had a bendy toy of Stripe.

[37:51] It was great.

[37:52] I believe I mentioned it in our mini about movie-related action figures.

[37:57] And you're not allowed to park on a parkway.

[37:59] You have to keep going.

[38:00] There's no parking on it.

[38:03] That's crazy.

[38:09] And you just came up with it.

[38:12] I'm just in the zone.

[38:14] In the zone.

[38:15] So, guys, your feelings about Stripe.

[38:17] We were just kind of dealing with something right now.

[38:18] He's going in a trance, in a daze.

[38:21] It's like an existential crisis brought on by...

[38:25] I don't want to step on his crisis.

[38:27] How do we fix this?

[38:29] Now, a lot of people think that Stripe's name is Spike.

[38:34] It is not.

[38:35] It is Stripe.

[38:36] It is Stripe.

[38:37] Stripe, yeah.

[38:38] Classic 80s hair also.

[38:39] I feel like he also touched on the nostalgia that we all have for that era.

[38:43] Absolutely adorable.

[38:46] Look, not every gremlin looks good when melted.

[38:48] Stripe, still pretty badass when melted.

[38:51] When it's just a skeleton with the skin dripping off and he's hanging on that fountain, he looks great.

[38:56] He looks really great.

[38:58] Also, if you're attracted to power, Stripe's your one.

[39:02] And punk rock.

[39:03] That's why Stripe has that quote about the ultimate aphrodisiac.

[39:06] He has all the things that would have made him a sex symbol in ancient Rome.

[39:09] Power, a noble death, and punk rock.

[39:12] Everything that they love.

[39:13] And like a bootstrapper mentality.

[39:15] He came from nothing.

[39:16] That's true.

[39:17] And now he's here.

[39:18] He's like, once I was just a ball of fur flying off a mogwai's back.

[39:21] And now, look at me.

[39:23] King of the grems.

[39:24] I got my own little gun.

[39:26] You defeat everybody in a movie theater explosion, I'll just start over again.

[39:30] I've been at the bottom so many times, I don't even know what the top is.

[39:33] And yet, I'm going there.

[39:35] I may be lying on my back, but I'm looking at the stars.

[39:37] That's me.

[39:38] Stripe.

[39:39] Well, that's his, like, Fuckboy Island intro.

[39:45] I'm imagining Stripe with a headset mic, and he's walking around the stage.

[39:48] And he's like, I used to be like you.

[39:50] I used to be like you.

[39:51] Just a ball of fur.

[39:52] And then I was in, like, a gross snot booger looking chrysalis.

[39:55] But when I came out, you know what I was?

[39:57] Self-actualized.

[40:00] is Stripe. Do you have a name? No, because you're just some gremlin. Give yourself one

[40:03] right now. What's your name? And he goes down to the audience with a handheld mic. He goes,

[40:07] you what's your name? And the gremlin is like, oh, oh, you're that's your name.

[40:12] You got it. You got a name now. Not an insult. That's your name. First choice. First choice

[40:16] runs from another gremlin. What's your name? And that gremlin goes, Darren. And Spike goes,

[40:21] Stripe was great. Great. Darren. Darren. Wonderful. And another gremlin goes, I'll be

[40:25] Stripe too. And Stripe just shoots him in the head. No, can't do that. Only one Stripe.

[40:29] And he already paid for the seminar and he got his money.

[40:33] That's true. He said there's no refunds. That's why you have to sign the waiver when you go in

[40:36] and you hand your cell phone to Stripe's, uh, henchmen, hench gremlins. They put it.

[40:40] Oh, wow. Yeah. Cause Stripe doesn't want to get canceled. Yeah, exactly.

[40:46] I thought it was because once he shoots everyone, he's got like a resale business.

[40:50] Oh yeah. That's a good scam. Yeah, it is a great scam. Okay.

[40:54] Number two, we kind of mentioned him earlier. Oh man, I just got an idea for a globular scam.

[40:59] Okay. Wait, don't tell us to tell us what it is. Tell us what it is.

[41:02] No, I mean, it involves, uh, running seminars and stealing phones.

[41:07] That's pretty much it. All right. Uh, I'll bump a little bit of English on it. It's fine.

[41:12] The seminar will begin in 10 minutes and then you're just hurriedly

[41:15] running out of the back of the building with a sack full of cell phones.

[41:19] Uh, so number two, this is the, yep. Dan, do you have something to say?

[41:26] I'm just imagining him running out with the phone. It's like, call an Uber, call an Uber. It's like,

[41:31] why didn't you have a getaway car ready? I figured I'd have all these phones,

[41:36] one of them would have Uber on it. One of them was like, okay,

[41:38] look through, see if any of them have Uber loaded on them.

[41:40] Yeah. Gotta unlock one of them. Yeah. Oh, I should have gotten their codes first.

[41:44] Uh, or their fingerprints. Go back in, cut off everybody's fingers. We'll match them up with the

[41:48] right phones. We'll be able to get one that has Uber on it. So I can make a clean escape.

[41:54] This plan, this plan, I'm out boss. This plan, it seemed okay to me when it was just you

[41:58] running away with a bag of phones, but I didn't know you were going to be cutting people's fingers

[42:01] off. I owe you. I paid your way through veterinary school. You're right, boss. You're right. Okay.

[42:07] I'll get those fingers. Uh, so, uh, number two, this is the runner up, not the sexiest

[42:13] gremlin, but pretty damn close. Yeah, this is, yeah, this isn't shameful. No, no. We hinted at

[42:19] them earlier. This is the gremlin that some people may know them as Mohawk, but that's not what I

[42:24] find in the sexiest. I find the sexiest when they fully turn into spider gremlin. That's right.

[42:28] Legs, legs, legs. Yep. Wrap me up in your web. Anytime I look at Marla getting caught in that

[42:33] web and I'm like, lucky girl. Ooh, spider gremlins coming around. How do you guys feel about it?

[42:39] No lie. That is a hot seat. Yeah. Now you've brought up Marla, the genuine sex.

[42:47] That's a hot seat. And then when, when Gizmo shows up with his little Rambo outfit on,

[42:53] like the fear goes insane. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. I don't know what to do. Rip up the seats.

[42:59] Yeah. And then the scene gets literally hot because spider gremlin is lit on fire

[43:04] by a flaming white out arrow fired by Rambo Gizmo. Uh, what do you guys think? And should we

[43:09] take a moment to talk about Marla? I don't want to, I don't want to talk about sexy humans in this.

[43:13] We're talking, we're talking about gremlins. She's great too. No, just gremlins. I was going to say

[43:16] though, for Mohawk also, they were spider gremlin. He filled an entire floor with silk. Yes. That

[43:21] means he can go. That's right. Stamina, stamina. He can go hours. He's been eating his pineapple.

[43:26] Yeah. He's, he's, he's got the stick to him and he'll put the work in just like death,

[43:31] just like shadow puppet gremlin, but he's got the looks. That's the thing. He's got the looks

[43:35] now. Bet. Brendan, I believe did, didn't you know someone wants to now who, who bought the

[43:39] original spider gremlin puppet? I do. Um, it is, um, oh, uh, Michael Carbonero as in of the carbon

[43:46] arrow effect, uh, magician. So he actually owns, uh, the original spider gremlin puppet used in

[43:53] gremlins to, um, it was, I believe a somewhat of an impulse purchase. Uh, he saw it for

[44:01] huge gremlins fan, like not on that side, but, um, he's not just a huge fan of spider based puppets.

[44:09] Yeah. Just always cruising the office, but it was impulse in the sense of he sought up for

[44:13] auctions. So I was at a price point that was possible. So he's like, oh my God, yes, I will

[44:18] do this. Just go. He didn't check the size or convert it. Cause it was in a UK auction.

[44:24] So he's here in Burbank. Um, he didn't check the size of it. Uh, so when it, he got like,

[44:30] okay, that was not that bad of cost. Then got like a humongous bill for shipping. And it was

[44:34] the thing of like, wait, why does it cost so much? And it turns out, um, this was the puppet that was

[44:39] like the actual correct scale for the rest of the scene. So it's basically, it's like the size of a

[44:45] small car. Oh yeah. So yeah, it now lives in a museum in Vegas because it was a way too large

[44:52] for his home. And he had to then find somebody who would accept it and provide shelter. It's

[44:57] really cool to call planet Hollywood, a museum in Vegas. It's a museum where you can enjoy a

[45:04] delicious meal. Yeah, exactly. Someone said, wait a minute. What if the snack bar was the museum?

[45:10] Yeah. Uh, I do it. I wish I could have something like that. It'd be so amazing. And not, and

[45:15] keep it, keep again, mine's out of the gutter. It's not so I can sneak into the garage at night

[45:18] and have my way with the spider Gremlin. Because again, I, he's the Dom in this scenario. Yeah,

[45:24] right. Yeah. Yeah. Without a doubt. Yeah. Is that otherwise I'm like Bela Lugosi and Edward,

[45:29] uh, just trying to wrap myself with octopus. We all know Elliot has serious brat energy.

[45:38] Okay guys, are you ready for the number one sexiest Gremlin? Should I go down? Should I,

[45:43] I'm going to go down our list and then I want you guys to take a guess on who you think it is

[45:48] and forget that I may have texted you earlier who I, who I would have chosen. Okay. Okay.

[45:53] Number 10 was number 10. Again, Daffy Gremlin, number nine, electric Gremlin,

[45:58] number 10, Daffy Gremlin. Sense of humor has a steady job. Number nine, electric Gremlin,

[46:03] glamorous, but a little bit dangerous. Number eight, vegetable Gremlin. Cause warm vegetables

[46:10] is there's no way his body is keeping them cool. It's they're not crispy. They're mushy.

[46:14] Now, although they're fresh, doesn't get any fresher than straight off the Gremlin. So who

[46:18] knows? Number seven now, shadow puppet Gremlin, locally sourced Gremlin to table. It's a face to

[46:25] table. These vegetables. Yeah. Uh, number seven vegetable. No, number seven is now shadow puppet

[46:31] Gremlin. Good with his hands, but we don't know how he looks. Maybe he looks like the 3d glasses

[46:34] movie theater Gremlin, in which case hubba hubba. Number six, bat Gremlin wrap me up. Number five,

[46:40] Greta Gremlin, unless you are Robert Picardo's son for unnamed flash dance Gremlin. She's got

[46:46] a dream. She's going for it. Numbers make me a part of that dream. Number three, striped ultimate

[46:52] bad boy. Number two, spider Gremlin wrap me up too. But in this case, instead of wings, it's a

[46:57] web and legs. Yeah. So number one, who's your guest? Who's going to be the number one?

[47:03] Entirely on Elliot's personality background. I a hundred percent think you're going to pick

[47:08] the George Gremlin because he is a lot like John Taffer from bar rescue who has that

[47:15] New Jersey mafioso vibe that I know Elliot resonates with. Good guess. It is. It is what

[47:20] feels like home to me. That's true. Yeah. Dan, do you have a guess? Uh, I would say I'm

[47:28] it looks like Brendan's got Brendan's got his guests. Dan, you find a little bit hard to

[47:32] think because you have these sexy gremlins floating in your head. Yeah. Choose one.

[47:35] I think there may be a little narcissism in this pic. I think that Elliot would like to believe

[47:41] that, uh, that the most, the sexiest part of anyone is the brain. That's right. So Brendan,

[47:49] who do you think it is? I see you're holding up your figurine. Yeah, I'm holding him for a reason.

[47:53] And, uh, I only wish I could do a better Tony Randall impression. It's the brain gremlin.

[47:57] That's right. Number one, he's got his little jacket over his shoulder. That's great.

[48:02] Sexiest gremlin, the brain gremlin, because you know what? Nerdy is the new sexy. What's the

[48:07] biggest erogenous zone? The brain. That's what brain gremlins got. He opens his mouth and what

[48:12] do you hear? Fucking Tony Randall. That's right. Tony Randall. And he can sing. He's got it all.

[48:18] He's got it all. And you know what? He takes those glasses off. He's a knockout. He puts the glasses

[48:23] on. Still sexy. Brain gremlin. Sexiest gremlin there is. You know why? Because he's got brains.

[48:31] Prove me right. And he's cultured. He's sophisticated. He's very suave. He knows

[48:34] who Susan Sontag is. Yeah, he's very suave, but he's not afraid to shoot another gremlin in the

[48:38] face when he's being annoying. When that, when that other gremlins just bothering the shit out

[48:42] of him, he does something. He'd be great on a date. He'll take care of you. Exactly. So he's

[48:46] not like everyone interrupting the day. Here's the situation. You're sitting with him. He can

[48:52] talk about cultured, sophisticated things. Oh, some guys stop bothering you in the pizza place

[48:57] that he took you to because he's humble. It's a good piece of place. He got, he went to that

[49:00] place. That's the best pizza in the world. That's in Phoenix, Arizona. There's an outpost in LA now.

[49:03] It's really good. I went to it anyway. So he's taking you there. You're really enjoying it.

[49:07] And some guys, some guys, Arizona. Yes. Some guys start to hassle you. You know what he does? He

[49:12] doesn't go, uh, yeah, well maybe I will go to a different table. No, just pulls a strike. He

[49:17] learns his lesson from Stripe, shoots him in the face. And now right back to the date. I assume the

[49:22] owner of the restaurant comes over. I'm so sorry. Brain gremlin that your dinner got a, got interrupted.

[49:26] I would have taken a care of it. No, it's fine. Fine. My good man. Fine. Not a problem at all.

[49:31] Just, uh, if you could remove the leftovers, if you will, I don't, I won't be needing a doggy bag

[49:36] for that. And he goes, Oh, you're so, you're so funny. Brain gremlin. You're so funny. And he

[49:40] turns to you and he says, you got to nail this one down. This is a catch. He a catch. It's a

[49:44] brain gremlin. And ring eminence like Giuseppe, thank you. Thank you. I believe I can handle my

[49:49] own seduction. And everyone is laughing. Very, uh, very cultural. There are Italian people in Arizona.

[50:00] So, Dan, you thought maybe this is me, maybe it's a little bit of a fantasy since I am,

[50:11] if I'm any gremlin, I'm either, I'm probably Daffy at this point, to be honest, but I could

[50:14] be the brain gremlin.

[50:15] So, Dan, who would it be?

[50:17] Who's your number one?

[50:18] Oh, boy.

[50:21] I said that insult, but you may be right.

[50:23] You may be right, you know, because the brain gremlin is the only one I feel like you could

[50:28] take home to mom.

[50:29] Exactly.

[50:30] And then some.

[50:31] And that's, you know, it's sexy, stability, communication, longevity.

[50:36] These other gremlins, they're good for one night, maybe a little more brain gremlin.

[50:40] He's going to be with you for the rest of your life.

[50:42] You know what, Dan?

[50:43] You may be right.

[50:44] I may be crazy, but it just may be a brain gremlin you're looking for.

[50:48] That of course, from Brainy Joel, the the brain version of Billy Joel.

[50:55] I give that name, huh?

[50:59] Well, when I do top ten sexiest Billy Joel parody characters, I'll remember your feeling

[51:06] about Brainy Joel.

[51:07] Yeah.

[51:08] Are there any gremlins that I left off the list that you feel have been overlooked and

[51:12] need to be talked about for their sexiness?

[51:14] And remember, we're only judging them on sexiness, not scariness, although scariness can sometimes

[51:18] be sexy and not other things, too.

[51:20] Just how it what what erotic gremlins have I left off the list?

[51:24] As we talk about Brendan's children's animated show, I mean, I don't know if we're going

[51:29] to call him sexy, but like it does.

[51:31] I am surprised Flasher came nowhere near this.

[51:34] Is this if we were recording this 30 years ago, would we have included Flasher?

[51:39] But now in modern times, it just feels inappropriate.

[51:42] It's possible.

[51:43] It's very possible that when the original gremlins came out in 1984 or when the second

[51:47] gremlins came out, what was that, 1989, 1990, 1990, that Flasher gremlin may have been on

[51:52] the list because you know what, there's something exciting about it, there's something daring

[51:56] about it.

[51:57] And obviously he's getting his kink.

[51:59] But the sexiest thing is consent.

[52:01] And Flasher gremlin, he's not doing that.

[52:03] He's the he's the most villainous of the gremlins.

[52:05] What about that beatnik gremlin from the first movie?

[52:09] OK, sure.

[52:10] Tell me more.

[52:11] He probably has a heroin problem.

[52:14] You know, yeah, yeah.

[52:16] He's hung out in some French cafes.

[52:18] Well, the problem is he's going to make you listen to his poetry, which I don't know.

[52:22] I don't know if that's so great.

[52:24] That may be disqualifying.

[52:26] There are some gremlins we don't know whether whether microwave gremlin would have become

[52:29] a sexy gremlin or not since he didn't have much of a chance.

[52:32] He was exploded in a microwave.

[52:34] There's the Christmas caroling gremlins.

[52:36] There's something kind of sexy about how they're putting kind of like a naughty twist on a

[52:39] nice thing.

[52:40] You know, they're a kind of Christmas, but the same way that often bikini babes on posters

[52:44] and dorm rooms will be wearing Santa hats for some reason because it makes them sexier,

[52:48] I guess, that they're embodying a childhood mythic figure.

[52:52] So they didn't have to do their hair for the photo shoot.

[52:55] You put it behind the curtain that, you know, right.

[52:58] That's that's why it is.

[52:59] That's also why there's so many sexy babes on dorm room posters wearing hard hats and

[53:03] those big Russian fur hats and then just full gorilla masks.

[53:07] Yeah.

[53:08] The extra hour of sleep they got is so sexy.

[53:10] Yeah.

[53:11] It makes sense to me.

[53:12] They've got their they're saving up their energy for the sex.

[53:14] You know, they're not just they're not just staying up at night doing logic puzzles.

[53:17] They're saving it up, you know, because they can't sleep.

[53:21] What other what other gremlins do you just want to highlight as gremlins that are favorites

[53:24] of yours?

[53:25] I mean, I like big, dumb, strong, Lenny gremlin.

[53:29] The one who I always is.

[53:30] So the one who looks kind of like Goofy.

[53:32] Yeah.

[53:33] Yeah.

[53:34] Not the one.

[53:35] What's that?

[53:36] Is it George?

[53:37] The one who looks like the Wallace?

[53:38] Yeah.

[53:39] Yes.

[53:40] Yeah.

[53:41] George.

[53:42] I never cared for George.

[53:43] And that's because of John Steinbeck's famous novel of Mice and Gremlins.

[53:48] That's the one where where Lenny keep he's petting the gremlin, he accidentally breaks

[53:52] its neck.

[53:53] Yeah.

[53:54] Right.

[53:55] It would be a mogwai.

[53:56] Yeah.

[53:57] Yeah.

[53:58] Unfortunately.

[53:59] And honorable mention at number 11, Christopher Lee, not a gremlin.

[54:03] Yeah.

[54:04] But he's up there.

[54:05] He's a gremlin at heart with him rising.

[54:08] I still love him offering diseases as a surprise to them all.

[54:12] That's just to win them over.

[54:14] Yeah.

[54:15] We have diseases.

[54:16] There's you know what?

[54:17] The more I think about the gremlins movies, they're kind of weird movies now that I think

[54:23] about it.

[54:24] Brendan.

[54:25] You know, as I said, I've only watched the first couple episodes is another of the secrets

[54:28] of the mogwai.

[54:29] You reveal why, you know, Gizmo is like a nice mogwai.

[54:36] But the moment anyone spawns off of him, they're all villains.

[54:41] Even pre gremlin.

[54:42] They're bad.

[54:43] We do.

[54:44] Actually, episode now that it is out there, I won't say it on here.

[54:48] But episode six reveals most of the things that we talked about.

[54:51] Hmm.

[54:52] Interesting.

[54:53] Yeah.

[54:54] OK.

[54:55] Yeah.

[54:56] Solid, solid reasons behind it all.

[54:57] Exciting.

[54:58] Finally, Mogwai's greatest answers revealed, you know what I'm going to I'm going to add

[55:03] in that's I'm glad that it's finally revealed.

[55:05] And speaking of bad mogwais, I'm going to you know what, I'm going to add a mogwai to

[55:09] this list.

[55:10] Sorry, guys.

[55:11] This is at number 12.

[55:12] I already said Christopher Lee is number 11 as the as the non gremlin runner up.

[55:15] Number 12, that mogwai that's just chowing down on fried chicken in the in the first

[55:20] movie at midnight because there's nothing sexier than fried chicken.

[55:23] I know I was talking about that.

[55:25] I don't want to eat.

[55:26] I don't want to eat sushi off of a naked body.

[55:28] But fried chicken.

[55:29] Hold on.

[55:30] Maybe let's try to get off a naked gremlin.

[55:31] Well, it's the it's the greatest of all erotic dreams.

[55:34] Yeah.

[55:35] And so with that vision, please, with that vision dancing in our heads, I think it's

[55:42] time to say thank you to our guest, Brendan Hay, for joining us on this episode of what

[55:46] hopefully won't get him fired.

[55:47] The Clubhouse Mini Top Ten Sexiest Gremlins special.

[55:51] I want to thank my co-host, Dan and Stu, for willing to go a certain distance with me on

[55:55] this one and then refusing to go any further.

[55:58] I want to thank our producer, Alex Smith.

[56:00] You can find him online as HowlDotty.

[56:03] And I want to thank our network, Maximum Fun.

[56:05] We are a Maximum Fun show.

[56:07] There are many other great Maximum Fun shows.

[56:09] Go and listen to them.

[56:10] Go to MaximumFun.org, where you can also find Flophouse merchandise to buy.

[56:13] You can buy a Jumbotron message or you can become a Maximum Fun monthly supporter.

[56:18] Why not?

[56:19] Go ahead and do it.

[56:20] It doesn't matter.

[56:21] It's this is life.

[56:22] Just support the things you like.

[56:23] Anyway, for the Flophouse and for the idea of sexual gremlins, I've been Elliot Kalin

[56:29] joined by Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington, Brendan Hay, saying go out and have champagne wishes

[56:37] and sexy gremlin dreams.

[56:38] Good night, everybody.

[56:41] Bye.

[56:48] MaximumFun.org, comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.

FH Mini 83 - Top 10 Sexiest Gremlins, with Brendan Hay

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