Ep. #399 The Super Mario Bros. Movie

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the Super Mario Brothers movie.

[0:04] It's a me movie.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the flop house.

[0:35] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:38] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:42] That's right.

[0:43] What a rev up on my own name.

[0:44] I just couldn't wait to tell you, but I had to wait because I needed to get up to

[0:47] speed.

[0:47] And now that I'm up to speed, let's speed on over to the next speedy part of this

[0:51] speed podcast.

[0:52] Dan, we're talking about speed today, right?

[0:54] We're not.

[0:55] Elliot, we don't have time for all this rev up talk.

[0:57] I have something important to tell people right at the top of the show.

[1:01] Oh, wonderful.

[1:02] And that is a reminder.

[1:03] We announced it last episode, but you know what?

[1:05] Some of you, for some reason, don't listen to the minis.

[1:07] We can work on that.

[1:08] We can talk about it.

[1:09] But anyway, what we got to remind you of is we're doing a whole slate of

[1:13] streaming shows.

[1:14] We're kind of calling it flop TV, at least for now, but they'll probably stick

[1:19] because we're lazy.

[1:20] And there's a whole, there's a theme of these streaming shows.

[1:24] It's flop house, all stars.

[1:27] Some of the most referenced or requested or movies that loom large in flop house

[1:33] lore are going to be on this.

[1:35] And what is this?

[1:36] It's a whole season of slightly shorter live streams.

[1:41] You know, it's not one of our big full live streams where we, you know, do like

[1:46] each do three presentations, like on a live show.

[1:48] We're going to not a full three hour flop house to pop in hell to pop in a bonanza.

[1:55] But in fact, a regular monthly live television show version of the pop house.

[2:00] Right?

[2:01] Yeah.

[2:01] We're going to try and keep it to about an hour.

[2:04] And we're going to do six of these things over six months.

[2:09] It'll be the first Saturday of every month, except for in September because of

[2:14] Labor Day and also just to be confusing to you guys, but mostly at the first

[2:18] Saturday of the month, we're going to be doing these live shows.

[2:22] The slate is as a Beastmaster two through the portal of time.

[2:27] Classic cool world.

[2:29] Yes.

[2:29] Uh, and in October, there's a double feature, a hot dog, the movie

[2:33] hamburger, the motion picture, delicious, uh, over the top ballistic X versus

[2:39] sever and new key that's going to be running through, uh, August through

[2:44] January, we're going to be doing these.

[2:46] Why are you watching new key?

[2:48] Oh, and, and for each of those, it's going to be fun.

[2:51] It's one a month, except for that double feature.

[2:53] Don't worry.

[2:53] It's not like that was the first episode that Dan just talked about.

[2:55] Dan, is there a way that someone could say, get a season pass

[3:00] to this whole slate of shows?

[3:01] Yeah.

[3:02] We're, you know, this is, this is an experiment.

[3:04] We're going to, we're going to see what happens.

[3:05] You can get a, uh, uh, ticket for an individual show.

[3:10] For seven bucks.

[3:10] In case you're only interested in cool world.

[3:12] In case like you got to hear our take on cool world, but hate our take on

[3:17] Beastmaster two, seven bucks buys you that cool world.

[3:20] Too many ferrets you've been wanting, but if you want to watch the whole

[3:24] season of shows, if you think that, uh, you want to see them all, uh, that's

[3:28] a $35 price tag and that's like getting one show for free.

[3:33] So, um, that show new key.

[3:36] Anyway, I've maybe we don't advertise that as a bonus.

[3:40] I've, uh, run through this, uh, pretty fast or as fast as I could.

[3:44] Not that fast, but, uh, uh, it's not like you micro machined it, Dan.

[3:48] Come on.

[3:49] We'll fix it in post.

[3:50] I'm just saying if you're, if you're curious about more information, you can

[3:53] go, uh, to either the flop house dot simple ticks.com or tiny URL dot com

[4:00] slash flop house live, which everyone is easier for you to remember.

[4:05] Read them both.

[4:06] Read them both again.

[4:06] Read them both.

[4:07] Yeah.

[4:07] The flop house dot simple takes.com or tiny URL.com slash flop house live.

[4:14] You can check out, uh, more information, maybe get a clearer summary.

[4:18] Cause it's not just me rambling and, uh, maybe buy a ticket or a season pass.

[4:24] But, uh, anyway, that's enough.

[4:26] Promotion right up at the top.

[4:28] Yeah.

[4:28] What do we do on this pod?

[4:29] This is a, other than promote other products related, but slightly different.

[4:35] If ever there was a time to do promotional stuff up top, it's when we're doing the

[4:38] super Mario brothers movie, which is essentially a movie advertisement for a

[4:42] video game, but Dan, yeah.

[4:43] What else do we do on this movie?

[4:44] On this movie?

[4:46] This is not a movie.

[4:47] This is a podcast.

[4:47] You're listening to it in your ears.

[4:49] Yeah.

[4:49] It's not a movie.

[4:49] You're not.

[4:50] That was, that's a book on tape.

[4:52] If you're not seeing any pictures in front of you, don't worry.

[4:55] That is not either a malfunction of the podcast or of your eyes.

[5:00] This is a podcast, not a movie anyway.

[5:02] Yes.

[5:03] Um, it's also not moving pictures, the rush album.

[5:05] I'm sorry if that's what you thought you were listening to right now.

[5:09] Um, or don't do dire straits also.

[5:12] Anyway, uh, maybe it's a dire straits album, not a rush album.

[5:16] I don't know.

[5:17] Hey, no, this is a rush album.

[5:22] Let's stop talking about dad rock and start talking about what we do on this

[5:25] podcast, which is we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[5:30] A movie that is either, uh, a commercial flop, which was, this was not, this is

[5:35] no, this was a huge hit.

[5:36] Like this has got to be in the top five moneymakers of things that we've covered.

[5:41] Uh, yeah, it made $1.3 billion, $1.3 billion.

[5:47] It's the third, her third highest grossing animated film of all time after

[5:52] frozen two and the lion King remake.

[5:54] So just nothing but top quality shit on the top of the highest

[5:58] grossing animated films of all time.

[5:59] Real meritocracy on the top of the Miyazaki way up your ass.

[6:04] I guess, I guess you should have taken Nausicaa and then redone

[6:07] it in CGI that looks a little real.

[6:09] Uh, number four frozen.

[6:11] I think that's the first time on the list of highest grossing animated

[6:14] films before you get a quality film.

[6:16] Is that number four frozen?

[6:17] Then of course it's incredibles too.

[6:19] So what are you going to do about that?

[6:21] Hey, it's just, it's no incredibles.

[6:25] Number six, no incredibles.

[6:26] I, uh, but then Dan, your favorite is frozen minions at number six.

[6:32] Um, wait, guess which Toy Story movie is the top highest grossing

[6:36] Toy Story movie of all time.

[6:38] Uh, who I'm going to guess the worst one.

[6:43] You're right.

[6:43] Toy story for, um, anyway, so huge hit the Super Mario brothers movie.

[6:51] Huge hits.

[6:52] They, and this is, this is a movie.

[6:54] It is, I'm not going to do the summary today, but I will say my, my mission

[6:57] statement in talking about it today is to treat it as a movie that is both.

[7:01] Somehow incredibly generic as seen by the title, which is not even

[7:04] Super Mario brothers, the movie, but the Super Mario brothers movie, like

[7:08] a product you would get on the shelf somewhere when you don't want to pay

[7:11] for the name brand, uh, Super Mario brothers movie, but also this movie.

[7:15] It feels like if you did a sketch on a nineties sketch comedy show where

[7:21] they were making a Super Mario brothers movie and they showed the trailer of

[7:23] it, maybe an early two thousands sketch comedy show, it would be this movie.

[7:27] How it's like.

[7:28] Luigi someday we'll be two plumbers, but then people will take us seriously.

[7:32] Whoa, we're in the mushroom world to get help.

[7:35] We'll have to go to the Donkey Kong country.

[7:37] Like everything that happens in this movie feels like a parody of a

[7:40] Super Mario brothers, just said the fucking summer, somebody start playing

[7:46] the, playing the podcast faster.

[7:47] So yeah, because the time counters running down.

[7:51] The difference is if it was a sketch, there would be jokes in it by and large.

[7:58] Did you get the joke of how Super Mario hates eating mushrooms,

[8:01] but he has to eat mushrooms.

[8:03] Uh, that was a, that was a joke and not sort of, well, it's a

[8:06] piece of character business, like an ironic commentary on the thing.

[8:11] We all knew walking into the theater, I guess.

[8:15] But Stuart, Stuart, it's your turn.

[8:16] You're going to be a Stuart Mario brother today.

[8:19] Uh, or is what I've been knighted a super Mario brother, a super studio brother.

[8:25] Uh, I think Elliot's was closest, but I like dance better.

[8:30] I was trying to compliment you with, yeah, I'm a super studio.

[8:33] Yeah.

[8:34] Or you're either Luigi or you're a was to EG.

[8:39] Which one would you prefer to be?

[8:40] Was to EG.

[8:41] So one of the interesting things before we get into the summary, I want to point

[8:47] out the fact that, uh, the, the two characters are Mario and Luigi for the

[8:51] vast majority of the movie, Mario voiced by Chris Pratt doing a perfect pitch.

[8:57] Perfect.

[8:57] Italian accent.

[8:58] Let's talk about this because like there was a lot of outcry and Jimmy

[9:02] Frank, what Mario?

[9:06] I mean, like if you're looking for Italian American representation, like

[9:11] Mario is like a, it's like the most comical voice that all the, the Nintendo

[9:17] fans were mad was not going to be in the movie.

[9:18] He's, I don't think he's Italian either.

[9:20] The guy who goes, it's a me Mario.

[9:22] Yeah, this is a weird, I don't know.

[9:24] This is a weird bit of outrage.

[9:26] I don't think this is the same as not getting, I don't know, like of Scarlett

[9:30] Johansson playing an Asian character or whatnot.

[9:33] You know, the issue, the issue, I think it's partly more that just Chris Pratt

[9:37] is just such a go-to guy.

[9:39] And then the character becomes a Chris Pratt character where he's

[9:42] kind of like a, a loser doof.

[9:43] You know, I feel like they should have gone with noted Italian American

[9:47] actor, James Kahn to do the voice.

[9:49] I mean, James Kahn, I think I'd die.

[9:53] I definitely get the Chris Pratt, also not Italian.

[9:58] I hate to break it to you.

[10:00] He is in the Godfather, but he is also not Italian, yeah.

[10:03] I get the Chris Pratt overload, but I have to say, I will say this.

[10:06] Dan, did you get the new Chris Pratt overload album?

[10:09] It bangs.

[10:10] Oh man, it's crazy.

[10:11] It's nothing but bangers.

[10:13] I understand there's overload, I understand that people are suspicious about his personal

[10:20] views and whatnot.

[10:22] Go on.

[10:23] I will say that-

[10:24] Also, how'd he get so buff so fast?

[10:26] Chris Pratt, however, is-

[10:29] When you're doing celebrity casting for an animated movie, I would say he is a pretty

[10:33] good voice actor.

[10:34] In the way that some other people in this movie, I'm like, Anya Taylor-Joy, I think

[10:39] is a great actor in live action things.

[10:43] I think as a voice actor, there's very little that is being added.

[10:47] Whereas I think Chris Pratt, through this Lego movie, he's pretty good at doing this

[10:52] kind of thing.

[10:54] I will dam him with that big phrase.

[10:56] What I was originally talking about-

[10:58] So the 21st century, Dan said it first, Chris Pratt, the 21st century Mel Blanc.

[11:04] I would rather they get a bunch of voice actors like they used to before Shrek happened, but-

[11:11] Yes.

[11:12] I don't think anyone is going to be like, I can't wait to see Seth Rogen and Keegan

[11:18] Michael Key play an Anya Taylor-Joy.

[11:21] That being said, Jack Black as Bowser is such an incredible home run.

[11:25] It's great.

[11:26] It's such a fantastic choice.

[11:27] Yeah.

[11:28] That's a thumbs up.

[11:29] I mainly just want to point out that Mario and Luigi, most of the movie, Mario refers

[11:34] to his brother Luigi as just Lou, and I found it very distracting.

[11:39] His name's Luigi.

[11:40] I mean, I feel like just for branding purposes, well, it doesn't matter.

[11:43] I'm sorry, Stuart.

[11:44] I didn't realize you were literally sort of in the middle of that thought.

[11:47] It's interesting.

[11:48] The interrupted has become the interrupter.

[11:51] Interesting.

[11:52] No, I'm-

[11:53] It seems Dan has learned well.

[11:54] It is interesting.

[11:55] You have sucked well from the-

[11:56] That I apologized afterwards.

[11:57] No, that's what I'm disappointed in you in, Dan.

[12:01] As your Sith Lord interrupter master, I give you a B minus.

[12:05] I would have been higher, but you apologized afterwards.

[12:08] Never do so.

[12:09] There's something very sassy about a B minus to you.

[12:14] It's just the greatest-

[12:15] I'll take it home.

[12:16] I'll take it home to the folks.

[12:17] So yeah, the movie opens up.

[12:19] We see a frozen wasteland, a frozen plane far off in the distance.

[12:25] It's an icy palace and kingdom.

[12:26] Suddenly, lava begins to rain down, and we see Bowser.

[12:33] We see a floating volcano island spitting out chunks of-

[12:39] Did you guys get the new floating volcano island album?

[12:41] Bangers.

[12:42] Nothing but bangers.

[12:43] It's pretty good.

[12:44] I think you're churching up too much.

[12:45] Wow.

[12:46] Wow.

[12:47] So lava rains down, swarms of Koopas, which are like turtle men, come flying out or jumping

[12:55] out or doing all kinds of shit.

[12:56] Guys, I have a question for you.

[12:57] Or should I wait until we actually see Bowser, because it's a Bowser morphology question.

[13:01] Yeah, we can talk about it.

[13:03] I don't care.

[13:04] Okay.

[13:05] So Bowser, he's enormous.

[13:06] He's got spikes on his shell.

[13:07] He has this long tail.

[13:08] Every other Koopa is a little turtle who's kind of nerdy, like is not particularly impressive

[13:12] or scary.

[13:13] Yeah.

[13:14] What's-

[13:15] What's-

[13:16] What-

[13:17] WTD, what's the deal?

[13:18] I don't understand.

[13:19] I mean, that's why he's Lord of them.

[13:20] Are they the same species?

[13:21] Are they different species?

[13:22] They all seem to be males.

[13:25] What's going on?

[13:26] What is the natural history of these creatures?

[13:29] Do they evolve separately or the same?

[13:32] Are they the same creature is what I'm asking.

[13:33] There used to be, I don't know.

[13:35] There's like named Koopas, right?

[13:37] Like Iggy and some other shit, I don't remember the names.

[13:39] Well, some of those are Bowser's kids.

[13:41] Some of those in the game are Bowser's kids.

[13:43] Yeah.

[13:44] Yeah.

[13:45] Does Dry Bones count as a name or is that just-

[13:47] Dry Bones isn't a name.

[13:48] No, no.

[13:49] That's like a species.

[13:50] Okay.

[13:51] It's either a species or a rank.

[13:53] Is it possible that you can become a Dry Bones?

[13:55] I mean, you see Dry Bones.

[13:56] It's like the difference between a Necromancer and a Lich.

[13:58] Just like a Koopa, Paratroopa is, now is that a species or is that a rank in the military?

[14:03] No, that's a rank.

[14:04] That's a rank.

[14:05] And I think it's interesting, Stuart, you mentioned the difference between a Necromancer

[14:08] and a Lich.

[14:09] Of course, the difference is that a Necromancer just has, gains the powers and a Lich was

[14:14] recently the head of CNN, but failed to stay for very long.

[14:18] His dark powers did not last for a very long time.

[14:22] I think, everyone, that like all of evolution, everything had to line up just right for that

[14:28] joke to make sense at that particular moment.

[14:30] That's the beauty of humor, Dan.

[14:32] That's the beauty of word humor is that it shouldn't work, but it does.

[14:34] There's so many words in this gorgeous world that God gave us that sound like other words.

[14:39] Thank you for creating the English language in its perfect form, God, and then gifting

[14:43] us with the Constitution, a perfect divine document that can never be changed, even though

[14:47] it says in it how to change it.

[14:50] I feel like Elliot changed over the last, like we haven't seen each other in a while.

[14:55] Peep behind the curtain.

[14:58] We record these episodes less frequently than we used to.

[15:00] Dan and I were both in the UK, and I guess Dan didn't ingest as many British tabloids

[15:05] as I did.

[15:06] So now I'm all about conservative politics and topless women.

[15:09] That's all I care about.

[15:10] All I need to know about.

[15:11] That's my media.

[15:12] Yep.

[15:13] I think they removed the topless women.

[15:15] I was only reading back issues.

[15:16] From the newspapers.

[15:17] Well, Dan, I went to the library and I was reading back issues.

[15:20] Yeah, I went to the archives.

[15:21] For the news, of course.

[15:22] Yeah, yeah.

[15:23] He reads the newspapers for the articles.

[15:24] It's just sad to see the woke mind virus traveling to other countries, right, Dan?

[15:25] You're complaining about that.

[15:26] No.

[15:27] Again, stop trying to paint these.

[15:28] Speaking of which, guys, have you heard the new woke mind virus album?

[15:29] Nothing but bangers.

[15:30] It's crazy.

[15:31] All bangers.

[15:32] It's so good.

[15:33] Very jagged logo on that cover.

[15:34] Yeah, so we're getting this like, you know, like militant fantasy army music, a army of

[15:53] little penguin guys come marching out of the ice fortress.

[15:56] We have ranked up armies about to fight each other.

[15:58] It's like Braveheart.

[15:59] King Koopa comes out.

[16:01] Bowser himself, as we mentioned, voiced by Jack Black, who really, you know, he puts he

[16:06] puts his whole ass in this movie.

[16:08] It's amazing.

[16:09] He does.

[16:10] Now, now, is it whenever I saw King Koopa, I'm glad you said that because I grew up knowing

[16:14] him as King Koopa.

[16:15] But whenever I call him that, my kids are like, what?

[16:18] Who were you talking about?

[16:19] You mean Bowser?

[16:20] Yeah.

[16:21] What the fuck are you talking about, Dad?

[16:22] What is this shit?

[16:23] King Koopa?

[16:24] Like, did you have a stroke?

[16:25] His name is Bowser.

[16:26] I'm like, uh, uh, like Bowser from Shahnana, and they're like, you get out of here.

[16:33] Yeah.

[16:34] I don't understand what that is, Dad.

[16:36] I'm like, I don't really either, necessarily.

[16:38] Are you still having a stroke, Dad?

[16:40] Is there a retro nostalgia group from before I was born so they're double retro now?

[16:45] I like that this was framed as if this is a constant source of tension between you and

[16:51] your children.

[16:52] I mean, the King Koopa-Bowser thing is kind of, but yeah.

[16:54] Always saying King Koopa.

[16:56] I joked earlier that I've become a conservative.

[17:00] I haven't.

[17:01] I still love liberal things, and I want everyone to live the way that they feel like is the

[17:04] best way for them to live.

[17:06] Maybe not socially, but we'll get into that.

[17:08] Hold on.

[17:09] I think everyone should have the dignity of being a human being, equal in all ways, despite

[17:13] their different ways of living.

[17:14] But when I say King Koopa and they say Bowser, it is like I'm using a slur that was okay

[17:19] when I was a kid but is now no longer okay.

[17:22] They are like, what are you saying?

[17:24] Call him Bowser.

[17:25] Call him by his name, sir.

[17:27] Yeah, yeah.

[17:28] Yeah, you feel.

[17:29] And you look to help from your wife and she is, I don't know, playing solitaire or something,

[17:35] reading a book, doing something much more valid than talking about Super Mario Bros.

[17:40] She's worried she's going to get canceled.

[17:41] She doesn't want to get involved.

[17:44] We will say it is a rule that she is continually reinforcing at the table that there can be

[17:49] no video game talk at the table because they barely play video games, but they sure love

[17:54] talking about them.

[17:56] Yeah.

[17:57] Yeah.

[17:58] That's my friend's kid.

[17:59] Saw somebody play Undertale once and then became obsessed with the character from it

[18:06] who looks like a little skeleton wearing a hoodie, OK, sans.

[18:10] And that became his whole identity for a while.

[18:13] And I'm like, you know what?

[18:15] That's exactly what I would have done if I was a kid.

[18:18] See somebody play a video game once and that's my whole deal.

[18:21] So, OK, so this army of penguins marches out.

[18:25] It looks like we're going to have a real battle on our hands.

[18:28] Turns out the penguins just throw snowballs ineffectually.

[18:30] Yeah.

[18:31] And then Bowser roasts the whole castle with his fire breath like he doesn't need an army.

[18:36] He like he's like full on Godzilla.

[18:39] It's bonkers.

[18:40] If you saw the trailer, you saw this whole scene.

[18:42] Uh huh.

[18:43] Yeah.

[18:44] So in the ruins of the castle.

[18:45] Way too undercut stew, Dan.

[18:46] Well, it's OK.

[18:47] Well, I will help the audience.

[18:50] Yeah.

[18:51] Yeah.

[18:52] That's a visual.

[18:53] If I didn't paint a word picture for you.

[18:54] I love the trailer.

[18:55] Stewart is describing everything in detail.

[18:56] And Dan's like, let me help you out here.

[18:57] If you saw the trailer, you've seen it.

[18:59] Like, oh, right.

[19:00] Yeah.

[19:01] Yeah.

[19:02] I'm like, why don't you just go watch the movie and then you'll know we're talking about

[19:05] a movie.

[19:06] You just get the final judgment.

[19:08] Sure.

[19:09] So the in the ruins of the ice palace, Bowser finds a glowing question mark block that he

[19:17] hits.

[19:18] And out of that pops a floating star.

[19:20] That's a superstar.

[19:21] That's supposed to give him invincible powers.

[19:23] And it's yeah.

[19:24] It's a it's a copy of the bootleg because it's not officially available.

[19:28] DVD superstar.

[19:29] The Kerry Carpenter story.

[19:30] Yeah.

[19:31] Yeah.

[19:32] Todd Haynes.

[19:33] A Barbie doll.

[19:34] Experimental film.

[19:35] Yeah.

[19:36] OK.

[19:37] So smash cut.

[19:38] We are in Brooklyn, New York.

[19:39] And I'm like, finally, back home.

[19:40] I get to see all the sites.

[19:42] Back home.

[19:43] You've been away.

[19:44] You've been I assume you saw this in Brooklyn.

[19:45] So it's like you were away for a couple of minutes in the fantasy world.

[19:48] Now you're back in Brooklyn.

[19:49] Now I'm back.

[19:50] I'm grounded again.

[19:52] So we grounded.

[19:53] I can't leave my room.

[19:54] I'm sorry.

[19:55] So sorry.

[19:56] Your parents grounded you.

[19:57] That's OK.

[19:58] I deserve it.

[19:59] So we we.

[20:00] We get a little commercial for the Mario,

[20:04] Super Mario Brothers plumbing service.

[20:06] It's a little bit retro, it's a little bit goofy,

[20:09] intentionally, you know, to get the parents laughing.

[20:12] I'm a real sucker for intentionally bad commercials,

[20:16] so this part, I was okay, because I like,

[20:19] it's not, it's been done before,

[20:20] but I'll watch an intentionally bad

[20:22] public access commercial any day of the week, so.

[20:25] Yeah, so we're introduced to the Mario Brothers,

[20:27] Mario and Luigi, who are both plumbers.

[20:30] They used to work for a, kind of a jerk plumber

[20:33] named Spike, but they have recently gone off on their own.

[20:36] Played by Sebastian Maniscalco, for people who.

[20:39] Whoa, I have stories about that guy.

[20:42] The star of the upcoming movie,

[20:44] the Sebastian Maniscalco, Robert De Niro movie,

[20:47] I don't remember the name of it.

[20:48] It's not upcoming, it's already out.

[20:50] Oh, and then by the time this episode comes out,

[20:53] it'll be passed.

[20:53] There's, I don't fucking know.

[20:55] I don't give a shit about Sebastian Maniscalco.

[20:56] Do you expect me to know about movies?

[20:58] I feel like you should.

[20:59] Yeah, fuck you, how dare you?

[21:02] There is no, there's no better sign

[21:04] of how outside of the real comedy world I am,

[21:07] even as a comedy professional,

[21:08] than that he has a movie coming out,

[21:10] and that movie, The Machine, came out, or is coming out,

[21:13] and I'm like, I'm not familiar with either of these guys.

[21:16] This is what real Americans love to laugh at, Elliot.

[21:18] Yeah, they like to laugh at a super skinny Christian Bale.

[21:22] No, yeah, that's, oh, I forgot.

[21:25] So is that The Machine?

[21:27] I didn't realize that.

[21:28] No, no, that's The Machinist.

[21:29] So, wait, hold on, hold on.

[21:32] You want to talk about Spike playing Sebastian Maniscalco?

[21:35] So here's the thing about Spike.

[21:36] I want to let people know that in the movie

[21:40] Spinning Gold, a film from 2023,

[21:44] I'm not sure whether it came out yet or not,

[21:48] but apparently Sebastian Maniscalco

[21:50] is playing Giorgio Moroder in this.

[21:52] Whoa, man, that guy's all over you guys.

[21:56] So, like, Luigi's scared of everything.

[22:01] Mario is kind of an eternal fuck-up

[22:03] that will never get his life right.

[22:05] But very optimistic.

[22:06] He's very optimistic.

[22:07] You know, classic hero's journey shit.

[22:09] You know he's gonna save the day.

[22:10] Did you guys think it was necessary

[22:11] to have a mean plumber who can articulate,

[22:15] you guys will never make it as plumbers?

[22:18] I mean, it's, because it seems entirely unnecessary.

[22:21] Like, I don't know why we need to set them up that way.

[22:24] Or the family, you know, the dad seems,

[22:28] you know, disappointed in them and telling them

[22:31] they will never make their dream of plumbers.

[22:33] And look, it is weird to see two grown men

[22:37] with fucking full-ass mustaches

[22:39] have to be treated like children.

[22:41] Yeah, and also the fact that being a professional plumber

[22:44] is not that outrageous a dream.

[22:47] The idea, it's not like they're trying to start a rock band

[22:50] or anything like that.

[22:51] It's not like they're trying to be famous painters,

[22:53] you know, this is something that millions of people

[22:55] do as a job every day, you know.

[22:57] I mean, provided that you can handle your budget

[23:00] and that you are able to charge appropriately

[23:02] and that you don't overextend yourself as a contractor,

[23:05] I think you can make a pretty easy, not necessarily easy,

[23:08] but you can make a living, yeah.

[23:10] A very stable living, that's a good quality

[23:12] middle class job.

[23:13] That's a good job.

[23:14] It's a job that I regularly, I'm like,

[23:17] every time at the bar, I'm like,

[23:19] I should just go to fucking plumbing school.

[23:21] I mean, it would certainly help you at the bar too.

[23:23] You can just use that knowledge.

[23:24] Yeah, I've learned so much plumbing shit

[23:25] since I've started, since I've opened a bar.

[23:27] Now, how many times have you learned?

[23:28] Yeah.

[23:29] Wait, what?

[23:30] Give us a plumbing thing.

[23:31] Yeah, good, challenge him, Dan.

[23:32] Challenge him, yeah.

[23:33] Yeah, give me a math one.

[23:34] Make him back it up with facts, yeah.

[23:36] Give me a plumbing fact.

[23:37] You can't just make a claim like you've learned

[23:40] so much shit about plumbing

[23:41] and not actually tell us one thing.

[23:43] I mean.

[23:44] How many Pinocchios are you willing to risk at this moment?

[23:47] Are you gonna retract it?

[23:49] Well, I've at least learned within my plumbing setup

[23:53] where air gaps need to be made,

[23:56] how to deal with clogs along the way,

[23:59] what's the best way to deal with a clog,

[24:01] how you shouldn't always just be using Drano and shit.

[24:04] I mean, it sounds like you're ready to take it on yourself

[24:08] to save the borough of Brooklyn from a flooding sewage pipe.

[24:11] If only that were to happen.

[24:13] Falling into an adventure in a fantasy kingdom.

[24:15] Sounds like a segue.

[24:16] The Mario Brothers get a call.

[24:18] They have to platform their way

[24:20] through the city of Brooklyn

[24:22] before coming to a luxury high rise

[24:23] where they try and take on their first job.

[24:26] The problem is Luigi makes enemies with the dog.

[24:30] So after quickly fixing the sink,

[24:32] the dog attacks them,

[24:35] causing a series of overflowing drains

[24:40] and destroys the bathroom.

[24:42] And they almost kill the dog in the process.

[24:44] I didn't laugh that much at Avis at the time,

[24:47] but I did chuckle,

[24:49] remembering how disappointed the dog was in Luigi

[24:53] when Luigi stepped on its bone.

[24:55] I wanna-

[24:56] On its, like a bone tree.

[24:59] Yeah.

[24:59] Not its erect penis.

[25:00] Step back for just a second.

[25:02] Because I think we'd all be mad at Luigi

[25:03] if he did that to us, unless that's what we want to.

[25:05] If you want Luigi to step on your bone,

[25:07] more power to you, you know?

[25:09] As long as he's wearing like red bottoms or something,

[25:11] I'm into it.

[25:12] Yeah.

[25:13] Is Luigi wearing stilettos?

[25:16] Anyway, no, going back a little bit,

[25:19] was this when No Sleek Till Brooklyn played?

[25:21] Because I just want to-

[25:22] Probably.

[25:23] Call out-

[25:24] Yeah, probably.

[25:24] That there were some of the most irritating,

[25:27] like Needle Drive.

[25:28] Oh my God.

[25:29] So here's the story I heard about that.

[25:30] What I heard, and I'm not sure if it's true,

[25:32] was that this movie had a four-

[25:33] Wait, wait, wait, let me end.

[25:35] You heard that they were like,

[25:36] you know Ojaz's movie up playing popular songs

[25:39] over the movie?

[25:40] And they're like, can we do that?

[25:41] Well, what I heard was that they had an original score

[25:45] and at the relatively last minute,

[25:47] some executive said, pull it out,

[25:48] just put some pop songs in.

[25:50] And that's why the pop songs they use

[25:51] are so tired, on-the-nose, overused songs.

[25:55] And Danny Elfman's like, fuck you.

[25:57] He's like, I'll just reuse this for another movie.

[26:00] Trent Reznor's like, fuck you, dude.

[26:03] Yeah.

[26:04] Watch this.

[26:05] They were collaborating on this one for the first time.

[26:07] It was the two of them and John Williams

[26:08] and what was going to be his final score.

[26:10] Yeah.

[26:11] Mr. Reznor, they just,

[26:13] children found your score sort of off-putting

[26:16] and frightening.

[26:17] Mr. Inchnails, they thought it was too scary.

[26:21] Okay, we're going to bring Danny Elfman in here

[26:23] and then they go forward.

[26:24] Danny Elfman, they found your score too scary.

[26:26] Oh, okay.

[26:27] Well, bring whoever does the music

[26:28] for Mario Bava's movies in.

[26:30] Let's have him for the Super Mario Brothers movie.

[26:31] Have Goblin come.

[26:32] Have Goblin come.

[26:34] Lay down a stamp track.

[26:36] So, and that's why they played No Sleep Till Brooklyn,

[26:38] which also was the worst needle drop

[26:40] in Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 by far.

[26:43] Ooh, yeah.

[26:44] They, later on, for some reason,

[26:46] when they get to the Donkey Kong country,

[26:47] they're playing Take On Me by A-Ha, right?

[26:50] Yeah, A-Ha.

[26:51] Instead of fucking Tarzan, boy, get the fuck out of here.

[26:53] Yeah, and it's only, I think,

[26:54] because Donkey Kong wears like a skinny tie

[26:57] and all the girls are wearing like blazers and skinny ties.

[27:00] That's the, and there's, when Mario's going

[27:03] through an obstacle course, they're playing I Need a Hero,

[27:06] which is hilarious because it's a sex song.

[27:08] I gotta say, if you're gonna be doing this shit,

[27:11] these needle drops, you gotta throw in

[27:14] fucking Jump by Van Halen.

[27:16] Not only is it thematically appropriate,

[27:18] but David Lee Roth basically dresses like fucking Mario.

[27:23] He wears overalls and silly hats.

[27:25] That's his thing, and just like Mario,

[27:26] he has a severe cocaine problem.

[27:28] And also, Jump is not a song I feel like

[27:30] I've heard in a movie recently.

[27:32] I feel like, you know, whereas, I'm sorry,

[27:34] I said I Need a Hero, it's Holding Out for a Hero,

[27:36] whereas almost all of these, it's, I mean,

[27:38] it really does feel like they just went to a disc

[27:40] that was labeled, now that's what I call

[27:41] movie needle drop music, and just tossed it in.

[27:44] But so they do No Sleep Till Brooklyn,

[27:46] because there's no other songs about Brooklyn.

[27:47] Sorry, everybody, there's no other Brooklyn songs.

[27:50] That's the only one available.

[27:51] So they get fired from their job,

[27:52] they have to go to their family.

[27:54] And let me say this about being fired from their job.

[27:56] Okay, go on.

[27:57] It is entirely that family's fault

[27:59] for not keeping their dog away from the service workers

[28:02] that they brought in to take care of their utilities.

[28:04] That is entirely their fault.

[28:05] Oh, weird, are you saying that like rich people

[28:07] treat the people who work for them poorly?

[28:09] That's weird, this is like the first time

[28:10] that's ever happened.

[28:11] Except if that was the point of the scene,

[28:13] I would be like, all right, you got them,

[28:15] Super Mario Brothers movie.

[28:16] But it's supposed to be like, Mario and Luigi

[28:18] always fucking up, because when they went to fix a drain,

[28:21] a dog attacked them, oh boy, they couldn't deal with that.

[28:24] It's, I felt it was unfair, unfair.

[28:26] The risk of seeming like I'm on the other side

[28:28] of this class divide, because like, I, you know,

[28:30] I don't care about these made up cartoon rich people.

[28:33] But I was watching this with dismay,

[28:36] because like, all of the marble is cracking in the place.

[28:42] Yes, well, they do destroy the-

[28:42] Like the tiles, I'm like, this is gonna be

[28:44] such an expensive repair job.

[28:46] It's an expensive remodel.

[28:48] And I'll say this, Mario and Luigi do make it worse.

[28:50] They don't handle the situation well.

[28:53] But it is a, this movie, so this is one of the most

[28:56] by the numbers generic storytelling structure movies

[28:58] you can imagine.

[28:59] My kids loved it.

[29:00] As soon as this was over, they said,

[29:01] that's our favorite movie.

[29:02] And I took it and I said to them-

[29:03] You're like, wow.

[29:04] And I said, swap, please.

[29:06] And I said to them, I've seen this movie.

[29:08] I've only seen it once, but I've seen this movie

[29:11] a million times at this point.

[29:12] So it's like, the heroes have gotta be kind of,

[29:14] nobody believes in them.

[29:16] They've down on their luck,

[29:16] but they have faith in themselves.

[29:18] Then a thing happens.

[29:19] We have to show that they know what they're doing,

[29:20] but they're somehow still incompetent.

[29:22] So they're not gonna succeed.

[29:23] They need to be tested.

[29:24] And it feels very-

[29:25] They have to save a cat, or in this case, a dog,

[29:27] from falling from-

[29:28] In this case, save a dog, for sure.

[29:30] And it's, to be honest, and the customers

[29:34] that they're fixing, they're people of color, right?

[29:37] So it establishes the rule that screenwriting guru,

[29:41] Matt Bird, pointed out on his website years ago

[29:43] that I'd never noticed, where,

[29:45] to show that a character is your hero,

[29:46] you have them be friendly with a black person

[29:48] early on during a movie.

[29:49] And both Silence of the Lambs and 40-Year-Old Virgin

[29:52] do this right away.

[29:54] So it's a, they've been established by the rules.

[29:57] One of many similarities between those two movies, yeah.

[30:00] that they they're there but it just feels like this movie is just hitting the it's hitting all

[30:04] the beats like like they like you're hitting a block with your head so a coin comes out

[30:08] but there's no originality to it to put it in french yeah so uh we are introduced to

[30:16] mario and luigi's extended stereotypical italian family uh where they are given a large italian

[30:22] meal that does feature mushrooms which mario hates isn't that hilarious guys you like that

[30:28] shit because you know he's gonna have i did like the robert altman film so you said so this is one

[30:35] of many ways that super mario brothers rips off robert altman's work there's a whole sequence

[30:39] later that is lifted directly from three women and i was like really you think you can get away

[30:44] with this this is crazy the way they had all the voice actors in one room sort of just improvising

[30:50] their whole lives and they would have uh they were and mario gets gunned down in the snow

[30:56] yeah yeah just just periodic uh narration from a bird expert who's slowly turning into a bird

[31:02] throughout the movie they're just they're ripping off you remember when oc showed up and then later

[31:06] of course stiggs they're just ripping off uh robert altman left and right yeah that's crazy

[31:11] um okay so uh mario dejected uh from uh the ribbing he takes from his family and the forced

[31:19] mushroom meal he's supposed to eat uh goes to his bedroom to play and eat around the mushrooms he

[31:24] goes to play video games in a bedroom that again does not look like a grown man's bedroom he is a

[31:29] large child with a mustache and his body's like the way his body's design kind of follows that

[31:35] logic is it possible that they are children with mustaches and not grown adults i mean

[31:41] they don't go to school yes yeah i want to stop for a second because we're about to go to the

[31:47] mushroom kingdom and say uh-huh okay that um oh do i need to pack a bag

[31:53] do i need to exchange my currents though because they have a bunch of them there

[31:57] you should have some kind of a guide to hold your phone because you're going to be tripping balls

[32:01] you're going to want to pack your uh frog suit your uh tanuki suit your uh my tanuki suits at

[32:07] the cleaners can i get one there or is it going to be super expensive also should i change dollars

[32:11] to mushbucks before i go it's all coins oh that's right it's all coin it's so cumbersome

[32:18] no coins everywhere before we go over the rainbow to the fantasy world wait coming back from coming

[32:24] back from the mushroom kingdom through customs to here and then being like did you bring any flora

[32:28] or fauna in no no nothing like that well let's just have the dog sniff it and the dog sniffs it

[32:33] uh open up your bag sir is that a fire flower in your bag is how did that get in there i i was

[32:39] gonna i you know what if i'd known that in that was in there i was gonna report it you know it's

[32:43] illegal to have in this in this dimension because it's a flower that gives you the ability to throw

[32:47] fireballs out of your hands and i go uh but what about my second amendment rights because dan

[32:51] remember i'm all into conservative stuff yeah there's a callback i get it anyway it's consistent

[32:57] with your character growth uh no i just want i want to say before you know we we go to the the

[33:03] meat of this movie which is the stuff that happens but it's mushroom meat it's fake made out of

[33:08] mushrooms yes it's a portobello burger that you've ordered um i don't want to tip my hand too

[33:15] much like while i found this film sort of uh consistently inoffensive except in one big way

[33:24] that that i will explain once we get to final judgments the blackface scene no i mean it's more

[33:29] it's more conceptually offensive to me just as a product but um you know i i will take my hand

[33:36] the scene where mario does the sammy davis jr impression didn't bother you

[33:39] no he thought you know it was a different time while there is nothing well i did not like this

[33:45] movie that much overall the parts i liked the most honestly was before they went to the mushroom

[33:50] kingdom because in part i think that mario and luigi have a good rapport there is some small

[34:00] effort to to make you understand who they are to one another uh in a way that none of the like

[34:10] they don't even get that much of a character like like you're just expecting to be like oh those are

[34:14] my friends mario and luigi i know their deal like but no one else in the movie has any real character

[34:22] or any explanation about like why they have a relationship to mario why mario has a relationship

[34:26] to them or their attitudes why they change to one another like it is like so i mean are you

[34:31] referring to almost the fact that mario literally kind of stumbles onto toad in the forest and toad

[34:37] is like i'm your best friend i show you around and i do everything with you yeah yeah maybe toad's

[34:42] one of those people who like uh he finds people in crisis and latches onto them and tries and helps

[34:48] him through it because that's a way for toad to avoid his own problems oh yeah interesting

[34:52] certainly in the spin-off that's how i feel like you get a lot of that out of keegan michael

[34:56] key's performance uh do you think he was was he pitched up or something like uh or do you think

[35:02] that was all keegan michael key because i was all in the room all in the in the voice box that was

[35:07] a pretty good uh yeah it was pretty good voice anyway elliot's elliot's uh elliot's lost in the

[35:12] sauce right now so we i just didn't have anything to say about it he's a very talented performer i

[35:17] don't know uh so we uh mario and luigi find out that there is a massive plumbing leak in brooklyn

[35:24] and the city is about to i don't know sink so they rush downtown they pop open a manhole cover

[35:31] they go down into the sewer system they find an abandoned section of the sewer system this is a

[35:36] municipal plumbing problem this is dealing with pipes that are so far beyond their scale and the

[35:41] scope of what they're doing the idea that they're going to go and save the day and they don't tell

[35:46] anybody they're going to do it that they're just going to anonymously jump down a flooded sewer

[35:50] pipe and they're going to die essentially that's what makes them a hero yeah put down the film

[35:54] flub section it's not an accurate reflection of plumbing it's a it's a it's a foolish thing to do

[36:02] to just be like uh you know what there's this huge problem it's all of brooklyn is flooding

[36:07] something that they never explain right it's not related to the plot it's just a thing that's

[36:11] happening and they're like you know who can handle it what's happening is that brooklyn is getting

[36:16] overdeveloped and the infrastructure isn't able to support it and so it's causing a lot of plumbing

[36:21] issues i can tell from personal experience that this yeah you learned a lot about plumbing

[36:25] they learned a shitload about plumbing yeah so uh they find an unused kind of uh undisturbed section

[36:32] of uh sewer dungeon and they find a giant green pipe that sucks both of them into a magical fantasy

[36:40] world this raises so many questions about how the new york sewer system which according to this

[36:46] movie goes down for stories and stories beneath beneath new york but also so it's like and and

[36:52] mario's looks like no one he's been around here for years which it doesn't it looks the same as

[36:56] all the i'd like it does look the same as yeah now they didn't put like like uh like dust or

[37:02] anything on it but all but that it just raises the question of why is this pipe here you know

[37:07] not that i need all the backstory but this is the first and in many ways like the least egregious

[37:12] example but they're like so many of them in the movie that i i feel like we should get it over with

[37:18] now like of pipes the movie does not explain anything i don't want to go into like this

[37:25] alita battle angel idea where like i love backstory dan loves backstory backstory mccoy

[37:31] in a certain way like i like this this confounded my brain this movie because like in a certain way

[37:36] i'm like i don't god knows i don't want explanations for everything yeah but at the

[37:41] same time this movie's steadfast refusal to give a reason for anything other than like that's the

[37:48] way it was in the video game yeah becomes maddening over time like i have no idea how someone who has

[37:55] no who had no like connection to the games would take any of this i'll tell you dan because i

[38:02] brought two of them to the see it they loved it they loved every aspect of it they've never played

[38:05] mario games before very basically they played mario kart but like i don't they don't know all

[38:11] the ins and outs of the of the mythology of the games or whatever and it's not much no that's

[38:16] true but it's working on i think i you could say the movie is working on kind of like a children's

[38:20] magic level where yeah i do admire the movie didn't come up with a lot of bs techno science garbage

[38:26] about oh or like fantasy backstory epic stuff but it does feel like the movie it feels less

[38:32] like the movie is making a deliberate choice to not become encumbered by that and more that it's

[38:37] just kind of lazy that it's just kind of like yeah it's like in the game you get the deal right like

[38:42] like this movie is the exact basic model of what you would expect from a supermarket like you did

[38:48] not buy any of the add-ons you're like i just want what was in the game man no dlc and my big objection

[38:56] to this film is like well then why don't i just go play the fucking game where i get to control

[39:00] mario why am i watching this thing that adds nothing and that is that that is the question is

[39:05] at a certain point it's like the movie it's it's like sitting and watching your friend play a game

[39:10] yeah or like the first hour of any hedeo kojima game where you're like hey i guess i gotta learn

[39:16] all this shit it's all finally i get to play up another cutscene i'll stop i'll stop torturing

[39:21] stewart and shut up so you can continue i think that's that's the thing that this movie is both

[39:26] its strength and its weakness its strength as a piece of merchandise is that it is such a

[39:31] replication of the general sense of playing the game but without you having to do anything and it

[39:37] adds nothing and it doesn't bother you with details and that's also the flaw as a story

[39:42] is that nothing makes sense there's no reason for anything the characters are flat there's it's not

[39:47] it's not like well they're 3d sorry yeah they're 3d rendered i apologize if they were flat i feel

[39:53] like some people would have preferred it um so yeah they go down into the warrens of the sewer

[39:59] system it looks

[40:00] It's like something you would find under a police station in Raccoon City.

[40:03] They find a green pipe that sucks them into a magical fantasy world.

[40:07] While they're flying through the air, they see all such sights and clouds and wonders

[40:11] before being separated.

[40:13] Unfortunately, Mario lands in a place called the Mushroom Kingdom, which is basically a

[40:17] fantasy land covered in giant mushrooms and populated by, I guess, people that are mushrooms,

[40:23] which is kind of wild.

[40:25] Not as cool as the cactus people in China, Mieville's Boss Log Trilogy, but that's something

[40:29] else to talk about entirely.

[40:30] Or the cactus people in Super Mario Bros. 3.

[40:32] That's true.

[40:33] I wonder if the cactus people in Super Mario Bros. 3 are similar to the cactus people in

[40:37] the Boss Log Trilogy.

[40:38] You've got to assume so.

[40:39] This is another thing where I don't think it's ever explained why there's one human

[40:42] woman in the Mushroom Kingdom and everyone else is mushrooms.

[40:44] Well, I mean, they kind of actually talk about the mystery of it.

[40:48] Human or not.

[40:49] Like, she calls Mario a human, and then we don't know exactly where she came from, although

[40:53] it is wild that, like, I don't know, it has this sort of unattended...

[40:58] Their anatomy is different enough that you're like, is that...

[41:01] Could they do it?

[41:02] Yeah, is that Golden Retriever and that Chihuahua, are they the same animal?

[41:08] I do think that there's an unintended sort of, like, weird racial message to this movie

[41:14] where Mario shows up and immediately, like, Toad is like, you're my bet, like, he wants

[41:20] to serve him because, like, he's a human.

[41:23] And also, Princess Peach, you know, when we hear about her later on, she's like, yeah,

[41:29] I came in from this other portal as a baby and they raised me and eventually they made

[41:33] me their queen.

[41:34] Yeah, a real fucking Daedalus situation.

[41:38] When she's like, I have to go on this mission, Mario, you're another human, you'll come with

[41:42] me, right?

[41:43] Like, there is a horrible kind of, like, white savior of a foreign land kind of Tarzan aspect

[41:51] to all this.

[41:52] It's possible that she is not a human, but a mangaboo, the plant people from the Oz books.

[41:57] So maybe she's the missing link between mushroom and human.

[42:02] Among the many things that are not explained, like, the way that everyone rallies around

[42:06] Mario as soon as he shows up and treats him like the best guy in the world and, like,

[42:11] our savior.

[42:12] He has such protagonist physics around him, where the story warps itself around him.

[42:17] And the fact that Princess Peach is like, I have this desperate mission, and Mario goes,

[42:21] I'll prove I can go on it.

[42:22] And then he runs through an obstacle course for like a day and a half.

[42:25] And it's like, at no point was Peach like, uh, maybe I could just go because Bowser's

[42:29] coming and he's destroying everything.

[42:30] Apparently, I'm really good at this, so I can do it on my own.

[42:34] They probably edited out the sequence where Mario gets super upset.

[42:37] He throws his controller across the room.

[42:40] And then his mom is like, well, just stop playing.

[42:42] And he goes, no, I like it.

[42:43] She goes, well, it doesn't seem you like it.

[42:45] You're just getting mad.

[42:49] So this is not just the only movie where there's a kind of incompetent guy who is instantly

[42:56] coded as the hero, even though he is a female sidekick who is more competent and better

[43:00] than him.

[43:01] I mean, Chris Pratt's in like a million movies like that.

[43:03] It's not even the only animated version.

[43:05] It's not even the only animated version where Chris Pratt is that guy.

[43:08] So what's going on here?

[43:09] Do you think that's what the Garfield movie, isn't he going to be Garfield in the movie?

[43:13] Is he going to be Garfield?

[43:14] Is he going to be Garfield?

[43:15] I think he gets first crack at every animated character.

[43:16] Your birthday twin?

[43:17] Yeah.

[43:18] Dan's birthday twin is Garfield?

[43:19] We're recording this the day after my birthday.

[43:20] Absolutely.

[43:21] Such gem-like behavior coming off of Garfield.

[43:25] Chris Pratt's going to, he gets first crack.

[43:26] So he's going to be Garfield.

[43:27] He's going to be Papa Smurf.

[43:28] He's going to be all the Snorks.

[43:30] He's going to be Lion-O in the Thundercats movie.

[43:33] He's going to be, uh.

[43:35] We already talked about which Smurf we'd be if we were Smurfs, right?

[43:39] Yeah.

[43:40] Vanity.

[43:41] The sexy one.

[43:42] We'd all be Vanity Smurf.

[43:43] Yeah.

[43:44] Three Vanity Smurfs.

[43:45] Brainy, Stoobie Vanity.

[43:46] I'm, I'm, I don't know.

[43:48] Is there a grumpy one?

[43:49] Probably the grumpy one.

[43:50] I'm sure there's a grumpy one.

[43:51] Yes.

[43:52] Yeah.

[43:53] Uh.

[43:54] Sleepy?

[43:55] Is there a sleepy one?

[43:56] There is.

[43:57] Yeah.

[43:58] He's got a little nightcap already on his head.

[43:59] Um, okay.

[44:00] They all do.

[44:01] So, uh, Mario bumps into Toad.

[44:02] Toad's like, Toad's a little mushroom guy.

[44:04] He talks a lot, voiced by Keegan-Michael Key, and he explains that Luigi is most likely

[44:09] in the Dark Lands.

[44:10] They need the princess to find him.

[44:12] Unfortunately, Toad is a hundred percent correct.

[44:14] Uh, Luigi has landed in the Dark Lands, which is very spooky, filled with lava and twisted

[44:19] broken trees.

[44:20] Dry bones.

[44:21] And a bunch of dry bones, which are like bone turtles.

[44:24] He runs away from them, uh, somehow manages to get over the, uh, the river of lava into

[44:30] a haunted, uh, mansion.

[44:32] Just like the game of his namesake.

[44:34] And this was literally when my four-year-old turned to me and said, he's in Luigi's haunted

[44:38] mansion.

[44:39] So again, hitting exactly what a four-year-old wants out of this movie, which is recognizable

[44:43] easter eggs.

[44:45] I gave him an eye roll.

[44:46] I gave him both, at the same time.

[44:48] Um, and he thinks he's safe, unfortunately, that haunted mansion is filled with shy guys,

[44:53] which are like little guys with masks on.

[44:55] Cause they're shy.

[44:56] Yep.

[44:57] They genuinely have a great design.

[44:59] Mario and Toad.

[45:00] I really like the shy guys.

[45:01] Yeah.

[45:02] Yeah.

[45:03] I mean, there's a reason why this stuff has lasted as long as it has, is because the design's

[45:06] great.

[45:07] Well, that's like the movie.

[45:08] Let's, let's, the movie looks good, although that doesn't, I think it does.

[45:13] I think it does.

[45:14] I don't think it looks bad, but it's not like it looks, let me, let me get to where it only

[45:20] spider-verse showed the, the artistic ambition of the super Mario brothers movie.

[45:24] Hold on.

[45:25] We may be going the same place.

[45:26] Elliot, like hell, I know we are both of us.

[45:30] Yeah.

[45:31] It looks good in that.

[45:32] Like it's got like the cute Mario designs it's it's, it's got bright colors.

[45:37] Like it's diverting to look at, but even that, like, I'm not impressed by, because it is

[45:42] a CGI cartoon movie about cartoon computer video game characters.

[45:48] The best you can say about it is that they do a really good job of extrapolating even

[45:53] more from the look of the game to what other things would look like if they were in that

[45:57] game.

[45:58] It feels very on model.

[45:59] And I mean, considering we did a whole live show, I hope our audience enjoyed it about

[46:02] the old Samara brothers movie, which is defiantly off model in every way from the cameras.

[46:07] And I'm not saying they should go in that direction because that, I think that's also,

[46:11] I think for a kid's movie about Mario brothers, this is clearly the better way to go as shown

[46:16] by the fact that made a billion dollars and the other one did not.

[46:19] But it's still a, as a, as a work of anything other than just IP management and extension

[46:26] brand extension.

[46:27] It's that there's nothing going on, you know?

[46:29] So maybe if, maybe if there'd been one full frontal scene of Mario or Luigi, it would

[46:33] have challenged the viewer a little bit, you know, maybe the European version.

[46:37] Yeah.

[46:38] Mario's penis is long, but short and fat, you got to shoehorn that thing in there.

[46:47] Um, so symmetry, uh, what, uh, what classic art, uh, historians would call contrapposto.

[46:55] Oh man, Elliot's being so fusilli.

[47:04] So, uh, Mario and Toad arrive at the capital of the mushroom kingdom.

[47:08] They have to platform their way through town, uh, say, and there's, you know, filled with

[47:13] little Easter egg jokes about old Nintendo garbage.

[47:16] Yeah.

[47:17] They, uh, they fly around on little, on blocks.

[47:19] They do all kinds of shit.

[47:21] They go through pipes.

[47:22] It's a very inefficient way to get through town.

[47:24] Very inefficient.

[47:25] Yeah.

[47:26] Yeah.

[47:27] That's the kind of, uh, open walking spaces that, uh, that American cities don't want.

[47:31] It's like invested on monorail.

[47:34] Just better signage would help too.

[47:35] It's hard to know where pipes go.

[47:37] They get to the, the, the, they get to the castle, the palace guards don't want them

[47:42] to come in.

[47:43] So they have to get through, uh, using a mixture of trickery and running.

[47:47] Uh, meanwhile, Princess Peach.

[47:49] I did like the moment where Toad takes out a knife and then just proceeds to cook them

[47:53] a meal to keep busy.

[47:54] Yeah.

[47:55] That's a distraction.

[47:56] Yeah.

[47:57] Meanwhile, Princess Peach is having some kind of a, like an audience with her various, uh,

[48:00] I guess, landholding nobles and, uh, they pull out, they have this like 3d model table.

[48:11] Like it's kind of, I wasn't a fan of this part, but they have like a 3d model table

[48:15] that shows Bowser's progress now that he's defeated the ice people and how he's on his

[48:21] way and he's going to destroy the mushroom kingdom.

[48:24] It's bad news.

[48:25] So the Princess Peach decides, Oh, I have to go to Donkey Kong country to go get these,

[48:32] uh, get these gorillas to join us.

[48:34] And they're like, I don't think that's going to work.

[48:36] She's like, I got to make it happen.

[48:37] So as she's leaving, she bumps into Mario and Mario's like, I'll help you.

[48:41] And she's like, fuck it, whatever.

[48:42] But you have to go through this obstacle course first.

[48:44] And he's like, as long as you're a play holding out for a hero, I'm going to bring a bunch

[48:47] of mushrooms with me.

[48:49] Yeah.

[48:50] So yeah, I go on this, this obstacle course thing is a part where the movie, which is

[48:55] already resembled the game, like totally literalizes the game.

[49:00] Like she manifests some platformer platforms and you know, those spinning, you know, movie

[49:06] traps and whatnot.

[49:07] Restart upon death mechanic.

[49:09] Yeah.

[49:10] And you're like, this is kind of a roguelike.

[49:12] Does this progress get saved at all?

[49:14] I mean, if this turned into an inception sort of thing where like, it was just like an infinite

[49:18] regressive, like smaller and smaller.

[49:21] He's just playing the game.

[49:32] I mean, aside from her saying the only way they could make it more is if she was like,

[49:35] first, you'll have to play a mini game to prove yourself, you know, but, uh, but you

[49:39] know what?

[49:40] But it means we get holding out for a hero, a song that implies that peach is testing

[49:45] him to see if she, if he will be as good a battle mate as he will be a bedmate.

[49:50] Yeah.

[49:51] So we, uh, before, before Mario goes through the obstacle course, we first see peach do

[49:57] it.

[49:58] And of course she does it perfectly.

[49:59] No flaws.

[50:00] hundred percent, she's amazing.

[50:02] Ten even from the Russian judge, and they're very difficult.

[50:04] Yeah, and it's one of those things where I'm like,

[50:06] I guess, I mean, were we

[50:08] supposed to assume she was going to do this? Is this

[50:10] like the Granny in Space Jam 2

[50:12] that suddenly beats everybody up? I don't know.

[50:14] But she's amazing at it.

[50:16] Mario, however, not so much. Even after

[50:18] he has to eat, she explains

[50:20] he has to eat these magic mushrooms,

[50:22] which he's like, I don't know if my tummy's gonna handle this.

[50:24] Now, what if, now, let me, let me,

[50:26] let's just think about this here. What if instead of

[50:28] them being regular Mario game mushrooms,

[50:30] they were magic mushrooms, and Mario was

[50:32] just hallucinating his way through the rest of the movie?

[50:34] Yeah.

[50:36] In order to make it to Bowser, we're gonna have to

[50:38] pass through the doors of perception.

[50:40] Yeah. I defeated Bowser.

[50:42] Mario, you're, you've been

[50:44] lying on the ground. Yeah, you're rolling around

[50:46] in this beanbag chair while

[50:48] you're just covered in your own body, Mario.

[50:50] While I play Tekken for four hours.

[50:52] Yeah.

[50:54] Yeah, so Mario eventually gets through

[50:56] this obstacle course.

[50:58] Mario's just having the most intense ayahuasca

[51:00] experience, and he's going through all of his past regrets.

[51:02] His family are turning

[51:04] into obstacles for him to get through.

[51:06] Yeah, it could happen, sure. Well,

[51:08] the Mushroom Kingdom fell, but

[51:10] at least you've resolved your emotional

[51:12] issues. Yeah, now what do I do with this bucket

[51:14] of shit and vomit that the Shaman left me with?

[51:16] Oh, yeah,

[51:18] you can just pour that anywhere. The Mushroom Kingdom has fallen.

[51:20] No one cares. Yeah, this

[51:22] is around, this is the point

[51:24] in my notes for the movie that I wrote.

[51:26] I don't like movies anymore.

[51:30] Okay, so

[51:32] we now cut to Bowser. Bowser's

[51:34] back in the, back with his

[51:36] buddies. He has like a

[51:38] wizard Koopa that helps him do

[51:40] stuff. That's Kamek, the Koopa

[51:42] sorcerer. Yeah. They,

[51:44] he explains that his plan is to

[51:46] go to the Mushroom Kingdom, and you're

[51:48] like, to destroy it, and it's like, nope.

[51:50] He wants to propose to Princess

[51:52] Peach to marry him.

[51:54] Otherwise, he'll destroy

[51:56] the Mushroom Kingdom, and you're like, oh,

[51:58] wow, this guy's got layers. I get it.

[52:00] Wow.

[52:02] But it's just another form of toxic masculinity.

[52:04] Bowser, just because you're into Peach

[52:06] does not mean that

[52:08] she's into you. Yeah, come on.

[52:10] Yeah, yeah, thank you. Thanks, Elliot,

[52:12] for explaining the villain is bad.

[52:14] I just want to make sure people know that

[52:16] sometimes there are characters who are the bad guys,

[52:18] and when they do things, the movie is saying that's not

[52:20] the right thing to do. To be fair,

[52:22] you did frame it, Stuart,

[52:24] as if this meant that Bowser had layers.

[52:26] That's true, yeah. Yeah, he's a bad

[52:28] guy for more than one reason. Oh, I see.

[52:30] He also tips poorly.

[52:32] Is that

[52:34] canon in the film? I don't remember that part.

[52:36] It is canon in the film. You know who doesn't tip poorly?

[52:38] Wario, because Wario rules.

[52:40] But he's not covered in this movie.

[52:42] But the thing is, Wario tips

[52:44] great, but it's not his money.

[52:46] So he doesn't care what he does. I know, that's just so

[52:48] cool about him. It's nobody's

[52:50] money, dude.

[52:52] It's a figment of your imagination, buddy.

[52:54] Wait, what?

[52:56] Money is just this collective

[52:58] bullshit where we all kind of put this implied

[53:00] value on it, right? Yeah, but that doesn't mean

[53:02] no one owns any of it.

[53:04] You can own things that people have

[53:06] invented, just because they've invented things

[53:08] doesn't mean it's not real. That's what I'm saying.

[53:10] Hey, man, refrigerators are just this thing

[53:12] we agreed to create to keep food cold.

[53:14] They're not real, man.

[53:16] It's all going to take yours, okay?

[53:20] I guess that makes sense.

[53:22] If it's not a real thing, then...

[53:24] Cool. Could you stock it up before I

[53:26] cart it off? Hey, man, Tom Stoppard's

[53:28] The Real Thing is just...

[53:30] It's not real, it's just an imaginary

[53:32] situation that people pretend to act out.

[53:34] So I'm going to take your tickets.

[53:36] I guess so.

[53:38] That was inspired by the Faith No More album, right?

[53:40] Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah, of course.

[53:42] I mean, it probably features a midlife crisis.

[53:44] The Faith No More album that I assume

[53:46] was inspired by the Ray Charles

[53:48] Pepsi slogan?

[53:50] Or was it Coke? Who did he show for?

[53:52] I don't remember.

[53:54] Which one was the real thing?

[53:56] I don't know, but you got it, baby.

[53:58] Just double check. Oh, no, that was the right one, right?

[54:00] You got the right one. I don't know.

[54:02] Oh. You should let the right one in.

[54:04] When Ray Charles said,

[54:06] let the right one in, baby, uh-huh.

[54:08] If a Coke and a Pepsi show up,

[54:10] one of them's going to suck your blood.

[54:12] Hit the road, Jack.

[54:14] Don't let the teenage vampire

[54:16] into your house. That's what he says, yeah.

[54:18] Well.

[54:20] Do you guys

[54:22] remember the part in the movie?

[54:24] Stewart doesn't like being the headmaster.

[54:26] Yeah, Stewart likes to be

[54:28] the naughty kid. He doesn't like to be the one

[54:30] laying down the law. No, no, I'm loving it.

[54:32] This is great.

[54:34] Stewart is Judge Shredding having to enforce the rules.

[54:36] Judge Shredding.

[54:38] So, meanwhile,

[54:40] our buddy, Luigi,

[54:42] is being loaded onto some kind of an airship

[54:44] by shy guys.

[54:46] He stares off into the middle distance

[54:48] and has a flashback where he and Mario

[54:50] are babies, looking basically

[54:52] identical with no mustaches

[54:54] but similar outfits.

[54:56] And I guess Mario sticks up for Luigi.

[54:58] He's being a real bitch.

[55:00] Wow.

[55:02] That's a rough thing to say.

[55:04] Luigi is being bullied and Mario sticks up for him.

[55:06] Yeah.

[55:08] So, uh,

[55:10] Mario, Peach, and Toad all set off

[55:12] through the Mushroom Kingdom.

[55:14] We get a little bit of a travel

[55:16] montage. Bowser then

[55:18] sings a love song to Peach on a

[55:20] floating platform with a piano and it is

[55:22] very much like a, hey, Jack Black,

[55:24] do a single take on a song

[55:26] you have not written for this movie.

[55:28] And he's like, sure thing.

[55:30] And you know what? It's still pretty good.

[55:32] It's the best thing in the movie.

[55:34] Okay, Peach and Mario

[55:36] discover, you know,

[55:38] they have a little bit of a connection

[55:40] and we learn that... Do they? And what is that connection?

[55:42] Other than being the only humans in the world.

[55:44] They're both humans and that

[55:46] Mario wants to be

[55:48] good at stuff even though he's not and

[55:50] Peach is good at everything and

[55:52] accepts that Mario is okay.

[55:54] And she can

[55:56] touch a flower and it gives her

[55:58] fireball throwing powers.

[56:00] So that's what their connection is.

[56:02] I don't know. She feels like an outsider

[56:04] because she just showed up in the Mushroom

[56:06] Kingdom and then became

[56:08] the princess.

[56:10] Yeah. I...

[56:12] Look.

[56:14] I'm looking.

[56:16] Is she elected princess?

[56:18] Much like Amidala,

[56:20] I think she's elected princess.

[56:22] I have a couple of very close friends

[56:24] who I... Congratulations.

[56:26] Thank you.

[56:28] Who I love very much and usually

[56:30] I agree with on things but one of the things they talked about

[56:32] was... They like this movie

[56:34] and one of the things they talked about, they were like,

[56:36] Look, man. They're not...

[56:38] I like that they didn't try and make it

[56:40] more. It was just...

[56:42] It was the games.

[56:44] You got what you wanted.

[56:46] And I'm like,

[56:48] Okay, but

[56:50] what is that? When you look at the

[56:52] Mario Brothers games,

[56:54] I love them. They're cute. They're fun

[56:56] to play.

[56:58] It's the genius of Shigeru Miyamoto.

[57:00] They're really well-designed games.

[57:02] But there's no...

[57:04] There's nothing to adapt there.

[57:06] Mario doesn't have a character.

[57:08] He says, It's a me

[57:10] and then tells you

[57:12] that it is him, Mario.

[57:14] And that's about as much character development as...

[57:16] He has a job that you don't really

[57:18] do.

[57:20] I think what you're saying,

[57:22] if I'm on your page, Dan,

[57:24] I think I might be as... This movie does a really

[57:26] good job at the thing that it's doing

[57:28] but if the thing that it's doing is what you

[57:30] want, the problem is inside of you.

[57:32] And so...

[57:34] If this is what you're

[57:36] looking for in a movie, then maybe you need to

[57:38] raise your eyes above

[57:40] the horizon a little bit.

[57:42] No, I mean, I think part of it is

[57:44] they just like games more than I do.

[57:46] So there's

[57:48] more of a love of the source material.

[57:50] Even though I am

[57:52] of an age that

[57:54] Super Mario Brothers on the NES was

[57:56] super formative.

[57:58] It's a great game.

[58:00] There's a reason that the Mario

[58:02] games have lasted a long time, that he's the mascot

[58:04] of the system. They're great games.

[58:06] And the crazy thing is... I shouldn't say

[58:08] crazy.

[58:10] The interesting thing to me is that

[58:12] the kind of byproduct

[58:14] of the Mario series has been innovation.

[58:16] Each installment in the series is a little bit

[58:18] different than the one before and expands

[58:20] the gameplay possibilities.

[58:22] Those are the games where Nintendo really

[58:24] experiments in an interesting way.

[58:26] And this movie is the exact opposite.

[58:28] They're doing none of that. Maybe in Super Mario

[58:30] Brothers the movie 2, the Super Mario Brothers

[58:32] movie 2 colon the sequel,

[58:34] that maybe they'll take a note

[58:36] from that and they will innovate in some

[58:38] way or change the way they do it. That would be

[58:40] interesting. But my guess is they're just going to go

[58:42] to the place that Super Mario Brothers 2 takes place

[58:44] in. That other game that was

[58:46] retrofitted into a Mario game years ago.

[58:48] But it's

[58:50] strange that they would take a sequel...

[58:52] Luigi jumps and his feet spin around real fast?

[58:54] Yes, it is.

[58:56] It's the game that introduced Toad to the world.

[58:58] It's just disappointing they would take a game series

[59:00] that is itself a very innovative series

[59:02] and turn it into a movie that is a very

[59:04] basic movie.

[59:06] Yeah.

[59:08] Speaking of basic movies, we're watching one

[59:10] and talking about it.

[59:12] We're not watching it.

[59:14] Bowser tortures

[59:16] Luigi a little bit by plucking out

[59:18] his mustache hairs before eventually

[59:20] imprisoning him in a

[59:22] chained cage.

[59:24] Hanging with other prisoners. We see the

[59:26] penguin guys. We see this star character

[59:28] who has a child's

[59:30] voice and is oddly gleeful

[59:32] about a horrible...

[59:34] Gleefully nihilistic.

[59:36] What was your take on this star character?

[59:38] This seems like one of the few places where the movie was

[59:40] trying to push itself a little bit.

[59:42] It didn't know what to do with it.

[59:44] It felt like a lift from another

[59:46] movie, but I couldn't remember which one.

[59:48] It felt like something I'd seen before, but I did

[59:50] like later. I loved the line reading when

[59:52] that kid's star goes... Another prisoner

[59:54] gets brought in.

[59:56] Another prisoner gets brought in and the star goes

[59:58] More meat for the grinder?

[1:00:00] And I just loved the read of that line, but I did feel like I'd seen this character somewhere

[1:00:05] before.

[1:00:06] I mean, they're trying to do something interesting.

[1:00:07] I don't know.

[1:00:08] It reminded me of the little scene, little loved, but I enjoyed it, Avenue 5, the Armando

[1:00:14] Iannucci HBO series, Zach Wood's played a character that responded to everything going

[1:00:22] wrong with sort of the same cheerful, just abandonment of any, you know, normal moral.

[1:00:30] I mean, not like he didn't become immoral, but he was just like, you know, the void.

[1:00:35] And it was it was pretty funny.

[1:00:38] So Mario, Peach and Toad, they arrive at Donkey Kong Country.

[1:00:42] Then a cool gorilla drives them around while we listen to Take On Me.

[1:00:47] Then they have to besiege Cranky Kong, voiced unfortunately by Fred Armisen to help them.

[1:00:53] Now, I'm curious why you said unfortunately, because I definitely did not like this voice

[1:00:57] performance and it felt more like he was just not trying very hard.

[1:00:59] What did you do?

[1:01:00] He is just a performer who when he arrives in things, I feel it often lessens the thing

[1:01:07] unless the character he's playing is a fucking creep, in which case I'm like, oh, wow, what

[1:01:12] amazing what amazing cast.

[1:01:14] Yeah, it's odd because I do think he is a funny, talented guy.

[1:01:19] But I also just don't go for him most of the time and I can't really put my finger

[1:01:24] on it.

[1:01:25] Sometimes I really like him and sometimes I don't.

[1:01:26] I don't like him.

[1:01:27] I love that.

[1:01:28] That SNL character he used to do, who was the topical comedian who never finished any

[1:01:31] of his jokes.

[1:01:32] That was such a it was such a funny character.

[1:01:34] But then there was a show with the show he did with Maya Rudolph where they go to heaven

[1:01:39] or whatever.

[1:01:40] And his character was so strange that I could not I just couldn't buy the show.

[1:01:44] The character was so off-putting.

[1:01:45] So but here he just feels like he's like old man voice.

[1:01:49] Got it.

[1:01:50] OK.

[1:01:51] Well, you want my donkey soldiers?

[1:01:52] Is that it?

[1:01:53] Hmm.

[1:01:54] You know.

[1:01:55] Yeah.

[1:01:56] Classic.

[1:01:57] He does a Nick Kroll line delivery.

[1:01:58] Yes.

[1:01:59] Nick Kroll, Adam Sandler, old person.

[1:02:00] Yes.

[1:02:01] Yes.

[1:02:02] But before.

[1:02:03] To be honest, I thought it was Nick Kroll before before the credits ran.

[1:02:07] Before before the Kongs will assist Peach and the gang in defending the Mushroom Kingdom.

[1:02:13] You guys hear the new Peach and the gang album.

[1:02:15] It's pretty good.

[1:02:16] It's not as good as the last one, but the last one was full of bangers.

[1:02:19] So yeah, I'm full of them stacked stacked to the rafters.

[1:02:23] So Mario asked a few members of the gang.

[1:02:25] Oh, is that what happened?

[1:02:28] Yeah.

[1:02:29] Mario has to defeat has to defeat Cranky Kong's son Donkey Kong in some kind of like gladiator

[1:02:34] battle, which takes place in a massive arena suspended above.

[1:02:41] What a huge drop.

[1:02:43] And they have to platform Donkey Kong shows up.

[1:02:46] He is voiced by he's like a muscly gorilla, macho man voiced by Seth Rogen.

[1:02:51] And I'm like, oh, finally, I see myself in movies.

[1:02:55] A muscly gorilla with a Seth Rogen voice.

[1:02:57] Yep.

[1:02:58] Yeah.

[1:02:59] And they they do battle.

[1:03:00] Mario is totally getting his fucking ass whipped for a while.

[1:03:04] We're introduced to some of the power ups like different mushrooms that all matter later

[1:03:09] because those all come into somewhat.

[1:03:11] Eventually Mario gets a power up that gives him a cat suit, which allows him to just totally

[1:03:16] beat the shit out of Donkey Kong, scratching the shit out of Don and we're like, oh, my

[1:03:20] God, he's dying.

[1:03:21] It's sort of a cute, cute, like fuzzy cat suit.

[1:03:24] Not like, you know, a sexy and you are sort of.

[1:03:29] Oh, at one point, I think a character says it's on like Donkey Kong.

[1:03:33] And I tried to turn off my teeth.

[1:03:37] It should be a little of the lines.

[1:03:39] They didn't even go far enough and have to say it's on like you or it's on like me.

[1:03:43] If Donkey Kong was one who said it, they just say it's on like Donkey Kong, which seems

[1:03:46] lazy.

[1:03:47] It's not a twist on a line.

[1:03:48] It's just a reference.

[1:03:49] Yeah.

[1:03:50] With the introduction of Donkey Kong 2, like Donkey Kong 2, the sequel.

[1:03:54] Yeah, I'm I am a bit anticipating what's going to happen next, which is like Donkey Kong

[1:04:00] and Mario become like sort of a mismatched buddy duo.

[1:04:03] Yeah, that's fine.

[1:04:04] I want to talk about you can jump the odd structure of the movie in that way, because

[1:04:08] it starts out seeming like, OK, this is a buddy comedy between Mario and Luigi.

[1:04:13] Oh, no, it's not that separated right away.

[1:04:16] It's a buddy comedy between Mario and Toad.

[1:04:18] No, no.

[1:04:19] Toad kind of recedes into the background.

[1:04:22] It's going to be this kind of romance maybe between Mario and Princess Peach like, no,

[1:04:26] well, maybe now it's a buddy comedy between mismatched buddies, Mario and Donkey Kong.

[1:04:31] It's like, what the fuck is the through line of this thing?

[1:04:35] The through line is Mario.

[1:04:36] Everything revolves around Mario.

[1:04:37] It's a me, Mario.

[1:04:38] And when he says it's a me, Mario, he's essentially saying I am the alpha and the omega, the beginning

[1:04:42] and the end.

[1:04:43] Salvation can only be found through me, Mario.

[1:04:46] And but I agree that eating my own Mario.

[1:04:51] Yep.

[1:04:52] This scene, I also felt like was a missed opportunity, at least to the kind of storytelling

[1:04:55] I like.

[1:04:56] So Peach is like, we're not strong, but we have heart or whatever she says to Cranky

[1:05:00] Kong.

[1:05:01] And I really want I wanted this to be one of the scenes where Mario is getting beaten

[1:05:04] up by Donkey Kong, but he won't give up.

[1:05:05] And that impresses Donkey Kong or Donkey Kong in his in his arrogance slips and almost falls

[1:05:12] and Mario saves him.

[1:05:13] And that and that impresses everybody.

[1:05:15] And since he does that later in the movie anyway, but instead, Mario just beats up Donkey

[1:05:20] Kong.

[1:05:21] And it felt like if you're going to differentiate these characters at all, if you're gonna make

[1:05:24] Mario a hero at all, like there should be some quality within him that shines out here

[1:05:28] rather than just like, well, if you put on a suit that gives you power, you can beat

[1:05:32] up a gorilla.

[1:05:33] Yeah.

[1:05:34] But I guess that's my mistake for trying to put emotional heft into the Super Mario Brothers

[1:05:37] movie.

[1:05:38] Yes.

[1:05:39] So having defeated Donkey Kong, the Kongs decide to help them.

[1:05:42] They craft them Mario karts, which they all drive.

[1:05:45] They drive out while we listen to Thunderstruck by ACDC.

[1:05:50] Yep.

[1:05:51] Yep.

[1:05:52] Because you can only use movies that have appeared in other movies before.

[1:05:54] I mean, you'll be sorry.

[1:05:55] You know, you songs that appear in other movies for this.

[1:05:57] And this felt not since.

[1:05:59] And you're like, it should have been a whole lot of rossi.

[1:06:03] Not since.

[1:06:04] Or something about cars, you know, but not since.

[1:06:06] Like in cars.

[1:06:07] It should have been legs by ZZ Top.

[1:06:10] Yes.

[1:06:11] Yeah.

[1:06:12] All right.

[1:06:13] Not snake boogie by ZZ Top pearl necklace by ZZ Top, but only if some cartoon versions

[1:06:18] of ZZ Top show up.

[1:06:19] Yeah.

[1:06:20] Sharp dressed man.

[1:06:21] Oh my fucking God.

[1:06:22] That would have been incredible.

[1:06:23] Two little mushroom people with long beards just spinning their guitars around.

[1:06:26] Yeah.

[1:06:27] That would have been amazing.

[1:06:28] Now, not since Obi-Wan Kenobi got on a lizard to chase General Grievous riding in a giant

[1:06:33] wheel machine as it felt more like a movie was shoehorning in merchandise that could

[1:06:37] be sold later after the film.

[1:06:39] Then like everybody gets their own.

[1:06:41] Peach, you get a motorcycle.

[1:06:42] Mario, get this logo cart.

[1:06:43] Toad, you get this big monster truck.

[1:06:45] They're toys.

[1:06:46] Buy them, everybody.

[1:06:47] Buy them.

[1:06:48] Buy them.

[1:06:49] And and of course, Thunderstruck is.

[1:06:51] Yeah.

[1:06:52] What else could you play at this point?

[1:06:53] We joke.

[1:06:54] But it's the only song you can play.

[1:06:55] It's the only option.

[1:06:56] Yeah.

[1:06:57] It's a great it's a great song, but they're the best that doesn't really fit what's going

[1:07:03] on.

[1:07:04] And also at this point, I can only think of ACDC as and Thunderstruck as like an Iron

[1:07:09] Man song because it was in the Iron Man commercials and movies.

[1:07:12] So Bowser is role playing his proposals and how those are going to work out.

[1:07:19] You know, again, he's the thing is like he's building this.

[1:07:22] He has this parasocial relationship with Princess Peach.

[1:07:25] It's pretty fucked up.

[1:07:26] And he's he's putting unfair expectations upon her.

[1:07:31] But, you know, we'll we'll see how it plays out.

[1:07:33] The maybe he'll win her over.

[1:07:35] Yeah.

[1:07:36] The carts.

[1:07:37] You know what?

[1:07:38] I'll say this for the movie.

[1:07:39] I'll say this for the movie.

[1:07:40] In an earlier time, Mario would have been the one who is trying and to push a relationship

[1:07:45] on Peach.

[1:07:46] And then he would have succeeded at the end.

[1:07:47] And this movie does not do that.

[1:07:48] And he would have been like Joe Latruglio in the first season of Brooklyn Nine Nine.

[1:07:52] And you're like, calm down, buddy.

[1:07:55] Yeah, something like that.

[1:07:56] Or they learn their lesson with that show.

[1:07:58] They remove that character trait.

[1:08:00] Yeah.

[1:08:01] So I think I will give the movie respect for not having Mario constantly trying to hit

[1:08:05] on Peach and then at the very end, what wearing her down to the point where she accepts him.

[1:08:10] You know, I'm glad they didn't do that.

[1:08:12] Yeah.

[1:08:13] Thumbs up.

[1:08:14] So three stars from Elliott.

[1:08:15] The Mario three and a half, three and a half stars.

[1:08:17] It gets one half star off for not having any sort of story inspiration or emotional.

[1:08:23] No, no, no.

[1:08:24] Funky Kong.

[1:08:25] Uh, the Mario Karts.

[1:08:29] Take the Rainbow Road, which is like a giant rainbow.

[1:08:31] But they're going to they're going to Asgard apparently to get Thor to help them.

[1:08:35] Yeah.

[1:08:36] Uh, yeah.

[1:08:37] The by frost.

[1:08:38] Um, only to get ambushed by an army of Koopa vehicles.

[1:08:40] What follows is, uh, a road battle with there's a lot of like characters doing stuff and then

[1:08:47] doing a fist pump and then things explode.

[1:08:49] Uh,

[1:08:51] The vaunted Kong army that Peach went all the way to Duncan country to get to defeat

[1:08:55] Bowser is destroyed almost instantly.

[1:08:57] Almost immediately.

[1:08:58] Yeah.

[1:08:59] Um, a suicide bomber blows up the Rainbow Road causing Mario and Donkey Kong to plummet

[1:09:04] to their perceived dooms.

[1:09:06] The Kong army is seized by Bowser's flying robots and Peach and Toad have to escape alone

[1:09:12] on her little hover motorcycle.

[1:09:13] And then it's just the credits roll and there's a mid credit scene where Peach and Toad is

[1:09:17] trying to convince Peach not to give up because maybe they can defeat Bowser.

[1:09:21] And Peach goes, no, this is it.

[1:09:22] You see?

[1:09:23] And she shoots Toad and then shoots herself.

[1:09:25] And then it just cuts to Mario's, uh, drowned body reaching out, uh, as if, uh, you know,

[1:09:30] as if to try to tell Peach, no, it's not too late, but he's, they're all gone.

[1:09:34] And I think, and it says something that there's like a text piece after that that says, if

[1:09:38] you want to see the future, imagine Bowser's foot stomping on a human face.

[1:09:41] Yeah.

[1:09:42] That was, that was Elliot screenplay.

[1:09:43] Uh, or no, that was the screenplay for Rainbow Road by Cormac McCarthy.

[1:09:46] Right.

[1:09:47] Rest in peace.

[1:09:48] Rest in, rest in, in, in, uh, in messing with the squares, Cormac McCarthy.

[1:09:54] This guy's been having a few magic mushrooms.

[1:09:57] That was what he saw.

[1:10:00] So what actually happens?

[1:10:07] Peach arrives at the Mushroom Kingdom and she evacuates all of the toads.

[1:10:12] To where?

[1:10:14] I don't know, like they wander off.

[1:10:16] She's like, leave, you're not mushrooms anymore, just go do something else.

[1:10:21] Bowser arrives, she's prepared to resist him but he forces her to accept his marriage proposal with threats of violence.

[1:10:29] Mario and Donkey Kong briefly argue in the belly of a sea monster before discovering their rocket and they escape immediately.

[1:10:36] At the royal wedding, Bowser begins sacrificing the prisoners by lowering their cages from some giant floating contraption.

[1:10:46] Some big chains and stuff.

[1:10:47] Yeah, they're all going to fall in some lava.

[1:10:49] I would say he begins trying to sacrifice the prisoners.

[1:10:52] No one actually dies.

[1:10:54] He doesn't get through like five of them.

[1:10:56] Even though that creepy star really wants to.

[1:10:59] The one with the child's voice.

[1:11:01] And I will say it's kind of funny to see the characters showing up for the wedding.

[1:11:04] All the different Mario bad guys.

[1:11:06] King Boo?

[1:11:07] The giant bomb man with the mustache.

[1:11:10] Yeah, the giant bomb man with the mustache.

[1:11:12] King Boo, the giant ghost with the crown.

[1:11:14] William Howard TNT, yeah.

[1:11:16] Yeah, I love it all.

[1:11:19] Okay, so yeah, at the royal wedding, Peach has something up her sleeve.

[1:11:25] He dances on the ceiling, Dan.

[1:11:28] Can you believe that?

[1:11:29] No one would be able to replicate that technology until Lionel Richie 30 years later.

[1:11:35] I love the look on Stewart's face.

[1:11:37] I interrupted him for a joke.

[1:11:39] He definitely knew the reference floor.

[1:11:45] So Princess Peach has something up her sleeve.

[1:11:47] That's right.

[1:11:48] She has ice abilities.

[1:11:49] So she freezes Bowser and then freezes the like winch mechanism.

[1:11:53] Briefly saving all the prisoners.

[1:11:56] And showing that she is the hero of the movie.

[1:12:00] Yep.

[1:12:01] Mario and Donkey Kong arrive and they fight their way through a city of Koopas.

[1:12:05] Using a variety of power-ups and flips and whatnot.

[1:12:08] Donkey Kong rescues the captives.

[1:12:11] Mario manages to save Luigi and it's great.

[1:12:15] They're finally reunited.

[1:12:16] This is what this whole movie has been about.

[1:12:18] Bowser breaks out of his frozen shell.

[1:12:20] In the very beginning and then in this moment.

[1:12:22] Because in between, Mario doesn't even really talk about Luigi.

[1:12:25] He doesn't seem to have a lot of urgency, honestly.

[1:12:27] Bowser breaks out of his frozen shell and launches a giant bullet bill right for the Mushroom Kingdom.

[1:12:33] Then Mario flies over.

[1:12:35] At this point, he has a Tanooki suit, which is a flying raccoon outfit.

[1:12:39] Now, I don't know if the Tanooki suit and the flying raccoon outfit are the same.

[1:12:43] The Tanooki suit, I think, is the one that lets you turn into a statue, right?

[1:12:46] No, no, no.

[1:12:47] The raccoon – no, Tanooki flies.

[1:12:49] I'm not – he may also be a statue.

[1:12:51] Because it's the leaf that allows you to – well, let's see.

[1:12:55] Hold on.

[1:12:56] Hmm.

[1:12:58] Hmm.

[1:12:59] He can fly as a Tanooki, but I think it's a slightly different suit.

[1:13:03] Maybe it's not.

[1:13:04] Maybe he does have a Tanooki suit.

[1:13:05] You know what, guys?

[1:13:06] I don't care.

[1:13:07] It turns out.

[1:13:08] Okay.

[1:13:09] Okay.

[1:13:10] If I'm wrong, then please write me a letter and mail it to Elliot Kalin, care of DoesNotGiveAShit.

[1:13:15] The Super Mario Bros. movie, No Town, USA.

[1:13:18] And I didn't say Motown.

[1:13:19] I said No Town.

[1:13:20] Yeah.

[1:13:21] It's not a town.

[1:13:22] Write me a letter and then insert it into the slot on the sewer drainage near you.

[1:13:28] Now, just take that letter and insert it into the slot in your butt because I don't care

[1:13:32] and I don't want to hear about it.

[1:13:33] Stuff it into the disk drive of your computer.

[1:13:38] And when you go to the nerd squad because your computer is broken, tell them I am dumb

[1:13:42] and I thought Elliot would care about what dumb suit Mario is wearing.

[1:13:46] Elliot is going to the off-brand IT department.

[1:13:50] Okay.

[1:13:51] So Mario in his suit distracts the giant bullet bill by slapping in the eye.

[1:13:57] It chases him around the kingdom briefly.

[1:13:59] Makes sense.

[1:14:00] Before Mario tricks it into going down a pipe and going into another dimension or something

[1:14:06] where it then explodes but causes this huge rift or fallout.

[1:14:11] I thought it was the pipe that...

[1:14:13] Is that not the pipe that goes right to Brooklyn?

[1:14:15] Or is it a different pipe?

[1:14:16] No, it's the pipe that's in between.

[1:14:18] Oh, okay.

[1:14:19] So, and it ends up sucking Mario, Bowser, the whole gang, anything that's important

[1:14:24] gets sucked into this pipe and they end up all landing in Brooklyn.

[1:14:28] What?

[1:14:29] What a homecoming.

[1:14:30] Now, I don't remember this happening.

[1:14:31] You the Beastie Boys.

[1:14:33] I keep an eye on the news, but I don't recall reading any stories about when this occurred.

[1:14:38] Yeah, we got another Pinocchio here, guys.

[1:14:42] Yeah, yeah.

[1:14:44] Give this movie a thousand Pinocchios.

[1:14:45] Turns out none of it's real.

[1:14:46] A thousand?

[1:14:47] It didn't happen.

[1:14:48] And here's the funny thing is, so the NYPD, they got plenty of time to hassle protesters,

[1:14:54] but when a giant spiky turtle man is literally blowing up buildings, they're nowhere to be found.

[1:14:59] Nowhere to be seen.

[1:15:00] Yeah, I think they're waving their hands and they're saying, this is what defunding us

[1:15:04] gets you.

[1:15:05] And we're like, we didn't defund you.

[1:15:06] Cough, cough.

[1:15:07] We're all sick.

[1:15:08] Cough, cough.

[1:15:09] We can't stop this turtle.

[1:15:10] This is what giving us more money does.

[1:15:13] Wait, but hold on.

[1:15:14] Mario makes a stand against Bowser to no effect.

[1:15:17] Bowser whips his ass, throws him into the pizzeria we saw earlier.

[1:15:21] We're like, Mario's goose is cooked.

[1:15:23] Mario at this point begins to have a panic attack or something.

[1:15:26] And I'm like, wow, yeah.

[1:15:29] It's a lot of pressure.

[1:15:30] He's had a rough couple of days.

[1:15:31] Did he bring on himself by trying to fix a flooding problem in a municipal sewer line?

[1:15:36] It's to a certain extent.

[1:15:37] Yes.

[1:15:38] Yes.

[1:15:39] But he was just trying to help.

[1:15:40] And now he's been away from home.

[1:15:41] All he's eaten are mushrooms.

[1:15:42] He spent his life savings on a commercial.

[1:15:43] Yeah.

[1:15:44] Hey, No Good Deed, you know?

[1:15:46] So Mario.

[1:15:47] Have you heard the new No Good Deed album?

[1:15:50] It's a bit of a disappointment, but.

[1:15:52] Yeah.

[1:15:53] Okay.

[1:15:54] So Peach and the restaurant.

[1:15:55] They're trying something.

[1:15:56] They're trying something, you know?

[1:15:57] Every now and then you get a St.

[1:15:58] Andrew.

[1:15:59] Okay.

[1:16:00] Bowser's beating the hell out of all of them, including Donkey Kong.

[1:16:03] Mario then watches his commercial play on a TV and it gives him courage again.

[1:16:07] He remembers what he's doing this all for.

[1:16:09] Celebrity status.

[1:16:11] To help his fledgling plumbing business.

[1:16:14] Yeah.

[1:16:15] Yep.

[1:16:16] Bowser is doing some serious anime level fire breathing.

[1:16:20] Looks like Mario's dead.

[1:16:22] Luigi blocks it with a giant manhole cover.

[1:16:25] Peach throws them a superstar, which they catch at the absolute last minute.

[1:16:29] So they show up and they're all invulnerable.

[1:16:32] And then they annihilate Bowser.

[1:16:33] What, Dan?

[1:16:34] No, I just like, well, yeah, they get a fucking invincible star.

[1:16:37] And it's like what Ali was saying about the Donkey Kong scene times a million

[1:16:44] where I'm just like, oh, great.

[1:16:46] Well, I guess that Mario's ultimate triumph is because he got this thing

[1:16:54] that made him invincible so he could punch real good.

[1:16:56] Yeah.

[1:16:57] It has nothing to do with who he is as a person, what he stands for,

[1:17:00] any sort of inner strength.

[1:17:02] There's no reason Peach couldn't have just used the superstar herself.

[1:17:05] Exactly.

[1:17:06] Arguably she would have been way better at it.

[1:17:08] She would have been better.

[1:17:09] But I think the difference here, Dan, is I think by empowering Mario and Luigi,

[1:17:13] who are not twins necessarily, but are brothers,

[1:17:16] they're calling back to the supposed appearance of Castor and Pollux

[1:17:20] at the Battle of Lake Regulus.

[1:17:21] Yes.

[1:17:22] I think you're right.

[1:17:23] When Tarquin is the super boss,

[1:17:25] the last king during the mythical regal period of Rome,

[1:17:29] supposedly was assisted by these mythological figures.

[1:17:32] So I think really the movie is playing a very interesting intellectual game

[1:17:36] by referring to this classical story.

[1:17:38] And also on an emotional level, Peach is saying,

[1:17:41] look, I could use this superstar and defeat Bowser.

[1:17:44] But you know what?

[1:17:45] I like to delegate and I like to empower those under me.

[1:17:49] That's it.

[1:17:50] You need a win.

[1:17:51] Yeah, you need this win right now more than I do.

[1:17:53] But it really – it is – but you're right.

[1:17:55] It's like it's not that Mario uses anything he has learned throughout the movie

[1:17:59] at this point.

[1:18:00] It's like –

[1:18:01] He's learned that power-ups are often good.

[1:18:03] Yeah.

[1:18:04] It's like –

[1:18:05] They put your power up.

[1:18:07] They do.

[1:18:08] Like at the end of The Mighty Ducks, they were like,

[1:18:10] guys, let's just do steroids and we'll be stronger than every other team.

[1:18:13] And they win.

[1:18:16] Yeah, I love that part.

[1:18:18] Remember that flying V routine?

[1:18:20] We don't need it because we're jacked.

[1:18:22] The other teams are like, can't they see?

[1:18:24] Like look how mighty they are.

[1:18:26] They can't be that mighty without chemical help.

[1:18:29] Yeah, yeah.

[1:18:30] No duck has ever been that mighty naturally.

[1:18:32] Yeah, there's that scene where they have to buy clean piss from somebody

[1:18:36] before they play the game.

[1:18:38] Yeah, yeah.

[1:18:39] Because they're all going to get tested.

[1:18:41] They cut that out for the Disney Plus release unfortunately.

[1:18:43] But then the outcry brought it back in again.

[1:18:45] Yeah, they brought it back in.

[1:18:46] It was because when they cropped the movie,

[1:18:48] the duck buying piss was just out of frame.

[1:18:52] Exactly.

[1:18:53] When they cropped it because it was shot like a television show.

[1:18:57] Yeah.

[1:19:00] Yeah, so –

[1:19:01] Incidentally, have you guys seen any of the screenshots online of –

[1:19:04] now that Friends is being shown in a 16x9 format,

[1:19:08] you'll see like the edge of the screen where the set stops and things like that.

[1:19:11] What?

[1:19:12] Yeah, yeah.

[1:19:13] It's pretty great.

[1:19:14] Look it up.

[1:19:15] Oh, man.

[1:19:16] Don't take my word for it.

[1:19:17] Go to your local library and get streaming services to show your friends.

[1:19:22] Oh, great.

[1:19:25] Or don't support streaming services.

[1:19:28] This is all their fault.

[1:19:29] That's true.

[1:19:30] Don't support streaming services.

[1:19:31] They are effectively destroying the business that Dan and I are in.

[1:19:34] So much like at the end of Justice League where Superman proves he's the best hero

[1:19:37] by punching the bad guy so hard in the face that he can't even talk,

[1:19:42] Mario and Luigi prove they're heroes by just using power to beat up Bowser.

[1:19:46] Yeah.

[1:19:47] Yeah, so the dust has settled.

[1:19:49] They take Bowser.

[1:19:50] They make him tiny using a power-up, and they have managed to –

[1:19:54] Once again, drug chemical help is the answer in this one, yeah.

[1:19:57] They've managed to impress their parents.

[1:19:59] They've managed to impress –

[1:20:00] Spike, their former employer, and I guess they've impressed the people of Mushroom

[1:20:05] Kingdom.

[1:20:06] This is the funny thing here, they've impressed everybody, nobody seems to be at all bewildered

[1:20:13] by the fact that a giant turtle man has been breathing fire and their sons used the help

[1:20:18] of a gorilla man to stop, and a mushroom man, they just take that in stride, and then cut

[1:20:23] to what, the newspaper headline?

[1:20:25] Yeah, Tangled in Cash, or whatever.

[1:20:29] And it says, like, Brooklyn Saved, and it's a picture of the Mario Brothers and Donkey

[1:20:33] Kong, and the headline should be like, Magical Talking Gorilla Discovered, that's the real

[1:20:39] story here.

[1:20:40] I mean, Brooklyn Saved is a slightly bigger story.

[1:20:45] Entire Cosmology of Universe, we thought.

[1:20:48] The subheading at least should be, Many Worlds Hypothesis Proven.

[1:20:52] Yeah, they're like, I guess we have to stop eating gorillas.

[1:20:59] You can have my gorilla hamburger, or you can take my cold dead hamster.

[1:21:04] So the dust is settled.

[1:21:05] Not even a gorilla burger, a gorilla hamburger.

[1:21:08] Well, it's not like a fucking beef burger is made of ham, Elliot.

[1:21:12] When it's made in Hamburg, Germany, it's a hamburger, Elliot.

[1:21:16] It's a gorilla, it's a ham, that's true, it's a hamburger-style gorilla sandwich, yeah.

[1:21:20] It comes in a hamburger, it's a ham, they serve it to you in a hat.

[1:21:25] They serve it in a hat, yeah, that's the only way.

[1:21:29] Salvador Dali is my waiter.

[1:21:31] If they don't serve it to you in a hat, they legally can't call it a gorilla hamburger.

[1:21:34] You're not allowed to, it gets destroyed at port.

[1:21:36] By the way, Dan, have you heard the new album by Salvador Dali as my waiter?

[1:21:39] Bangers, none of them are bangers.

[1:21:42] I don't know, I'm not into jam bands.

[1:21:45] Flash forward, the Mario Brothers wake up, they are plumbers, to a mushroom kingdom,

[1:21:52] I think?

[1:21:53] What?

[1:21:54] And that's the end of the movie.

[1:21:55] Rents in New York have gotten so high that they've had to move to the Mushroom Kingdom

[1:21:58] for four months.

[1:21:59] So they're colonizing the Mushroom Kingdom.

[1:22:01] Did you watch the post-credits scene?

[1:22:02] Did you?

[1:22:03] Oh, fuck.

[1:22:04] Turn this shit off so fast, guys, I'm sorry.

[1:22:07] So the post-credits scene is a big old nothing.

[1:22:10] It's just a joke scene, right?

[1:22:12] Well, no, there's a Yoshi egg in the real world now, and the music is-

[1:22:18] Oh, I don't think even I saw this post-credits scene.

[1:22:21] And was it live action or animated, because if it was live action, I'd be really mad right

[1:22:25] now.

[1:22:26] Yeah, it's going into the original Super Mario Brothers movie.

[1:22:29] So when Dan says the real world, you mean the real world of Brooklyn in the movie, not

[1:22:32] our real world.

[1:22:33] In Brooklyn.

[1:22:34] Not a documentary.

[1:22:35] It's not the ending of the original screenplay years ago for Watchmen, where they end up

[1:22:39] in our world at the very end.

[1:22:41] Yeah, and it's like shaking a little bit and there's like menacing music, and I found this

[1:22:44] menacing music so baffling because, you know, Yoshi is a good guy.

[1:22:50] And I don't understand why they're like, oh, no, Yoshi is going to be let loose on Brooklyn.

[1:22:56] They're like, oh, no, shenanigans.

[1:22:59] If you're going to do that, if you're going to set up a possible sequel, which obviously

[1:23:03] they're going to have, this thing was a huge hit, like we said, like have a Wario come

[1:23:09] in.

[1:23:11] You know, you've got to save him for the third installment, because then it's going to be

[1:23:14] a trilogy.

[1:23:15] Wario's in the third installment.

[1:23:16] That's the big, bigger reveal.

[1:23:18] With this one, it's like the Infinity Mushrooms is going to be Bowser again.

[1:23:22] Right.

[1:23:23] Yeah.

[1:23:24] This giant because he gets loose.

[1:23:25] There's not that many Mario villains.

[1:23:26] So is that a rugs gallery?

[1:23:27] You know, it's just Bowser and Wario, basically like Hammer Brothers, but they're not like

[1:23:31] that.

[1:23:32] They work for Bowser.

[1:23:33] Everyone works for Bowser.

[1:23:34] Wario is the only Wario is an agent of independent, independent contractor.

[1:23:41] You have learned about plumbing.

[1:23:42] Yep.

[1:23:43] So.

[1:23:44] Yep.

[1:23:45] So that's the end of the movie, guys.

[1:23:46] Final judgments, Dan.

[1:23:47] Yes.

[1:23:48] It's a good movie.

[1:23:49] A bad, bad movie.

[1:23:50] A movie.

[1:23:51] We kind of like, look, I'm going to couch this in a few things.

[1:23:54] OK.

[1:23:55] OK.

[1:23:56] Number one.

[1:23:57] This movie doesn't have to be for me.

[1:23:59] I understand this is primarily a movie for children, you know, for the young, the young

[1:24:05] at heart and those who refuse to grow up.

[1:24:07] No, no.

[1:24:08] Most people should not be watching it.

[1:24:10] Yeah.

[1:24:11] But actual children.

[1:24:12] Look.

[1:24:13] Yeah.

[1:24:14] This is a good Mario Brothers movie for kids.

[1:24:17] Is it a better Mario Brothers movie for kids than the Bob Hoskins inexplicable one?

[1:24:23] As Elliot said, no, certainly.

[1:24:25] Oh, 100000 percent.

[1:24:27] Would I, an adult human, rather watch the Bob Hoskins one again?

[1:24:31] Because at least it's like compellingly strange.

[1:24:33] One thousand percent.

[1:24:36] Like this is I don't even really begrudge people who like Mario liking this movie.

[1:24:43] You can like what you like.

[1:24:45] You know, I get it like I tend to be very forgiving of pop art if you like it.

[1:24:52] It's fine.

[1:24:53] But at the same time, this makes this movie does make me angry in the way that it adds

[1:24:59] absolutely nothing like I was watching this movie at the beginning.

[1:25:02] I'm like, oh, this isn't so bad.

[1:25:03] I'm like consistently diverted, at least by what's happening there.

[1:25:08] Bright colors and shapes moving around.

[1:25:10] That's all Dan wants out of a movie.

[1:25:13] My toddler brain enjoyed it.

[1:25:15] Hey, let Babylon has it.

[1:25:17] Oh, shut up.

[1:25:18] I mean, that doesn't even have bright colors is the things that barely has shapes.

[1:25:22] As it went on, though, I like I did become angry in a sort of a meta way where I'm like

[1:25:28] this movie was a huge hit.

[1:25:34] There will be more of them.

[1:25:36] And it succeeded by setting the lowest bar.

[1:25:40] Yes.

[1:25:41] And clearing it.

[1:25:43] And that kind of does make me angry in a in a larger way, because I kind of felt like

[1:25:50] there's nothing I'm going to take from this movie.

[1:25:52] Like the the experience of watching Super Mario Brothers, the movie and looking at a

[1:26:00] blank wall for two hours in terms of what I take away from it is about equal.

[1:26:07] I mean, probably more in the blank wall, because I would've gotten my own thinking, maybe worked

[1:26:11] through like some of my own writing or emotional issues or whatever.

[1:26:16] Yeah.

[1:26:17] So, look, there's nothing, quote, unquote, bad about this movie, but it is a bad movie.

[1:26:22] My mind.

[1:26:23] Yeah, no, you're right.

[1:26:25] I mean, it is.

[1:26:26] I don't I don't have children.

[1:26:28] So I don't watch a lot of like I don't know, like shows for kids, a fair amount of kids

[1:26:33] movies.

[1:26:34] But you watch the better class of kids movies.

[1:26:36] I guess.

[1:26:37] I mean, I guess.

[1:26:38] But like, I don't like watch like what Bluey is Bluey, a thing we supposed to do, though.

[1:26:43] But I don't watch stuff that's like directed like to little children.

[1:26:47] So like there's a change in the movie, Little Children, which don't show your little children.

[1:26:52] That was a mistake.

[1:26:53] What is he doing while he's sitting in that car next to the playground?

[1:27:00] We should watch a different movie.

[1:27:01] I did show them the instructional video.

[1:27:04] Children shouldn't play with dead things.

[1:27:05] Yeah.

[1:27:06] Lesson you learn.

[1:27:07] Yeah.

[1:27:08] You don't want to learn that.

[1:27:09] Yeah.

[1:27:10] You know, you don't want to learn that.

[1:27:11] Yeah.

[1:27:12] You don't want to experience this experience.

[1:27:13] It's a fool's teacher.

[1:27:14] Yeah.

[1:27:15] Yeah.

[1:27:16] Yeah.

[1:27:17] I mean, I I'm not going to if if somebody likes the Super Mario Brothers movie, I get

[1:27:20] it.

[1:27:21] I would hope that they have other outlets for interacting with, I don't know, culture,

[1:27:28] entertainment or something higher standards for emotional resonance.

[1:27:32] But yeah, this is I mean, this is like a like a nothing of a movie.

[1:27:37] It's it is like I it is like it is like a commercial.

[1:27:41] It's like a really long commercial.

[1:27:44] And it's fine.

[1:27:45] Whatever.

[1:27:46] It's just.

[1:27:47] Yeah, it's barely a movie.

[1:27:48] It's it's hard to even call it a movie to me, other than because of the runtime and

[1:27:52] the fact there's a credit.

[1:27:53] It says that the title it was in the theaters.

[1:27:55] Yeah.

[1:27:56] Now, I agree with what you guys are saying completely.

[1:27:58] I agree with it.

[1:27:59] My kids loved it.

[1:28:00] I would say I'm going to give a slightly larger cut.

[1:28:02] It was not a movie for me.

[1:28:03] I found it boring and lazy.

[1:28:05] But I would say I'm going to put in a slightly larger context.

[1:28:08] This movie, I'm being it's hard for me not to be a little unfair to it because I think

[1:28:12] I would be less frustrated with this movie if it was coming out at a time when there

[1:28:17] were other kinds of movies being made and being put in theaters and I could bring my

[1:28:22] family to or not.

[1:28:23] The fact that we we that if this would bother me less if we weren't living in a world where

[1:28:27] so many of the big movies coming out were just IP driven brand extension movies and

[1:28:33] where it didn't feel so much like the number one objective was to just press whatever sensory

[1:28:41] button is built in from for fans of the material that just want to see what's in the material.

[1:28:47] And I say that coming as a Marvel fan to Marvel movies where one of the things I initially

[1:28:51] found exciting about the Marvel movies is that they were respecting the material.

[1:28:56] They were treating it as a thing to be adapted straightforwardly and not just as crap to

[1:29:01] be ripped off or done however because no one cares it's garbage.

[1:29:05] So I'm excited that they're showing for for Mario fans out there it's probably exciting

[1:29:09] that they're showing that that minimum amount of respect to the material.

[1:29:13] That being said the Marvel movies are also adapted from stories and Mario is not being

[1:29:19] adapted from a story but from a mostly personality lists kind of series of of sprites like a

[1:29:26] skill based video game.

[1:29:29] Yes exactly.

[1:29:30] And yeah so it's but it would bother me so much less if it wasn't if it didn't feel like

[1:29:34] this was the kind of thing that nine out of 10 movies being made are and the other one

[1:29:39] out of 10 are adult movies for adults that get released only to streaming services.

[1:29:44] You know that it's so it's so I'm being unfair to it partly because the climate it's coming

[1:29:49] out in but I'm going to say it is it's fine for kids.

[1:29:52] I wish that the message of the movie was not that to defeat your enemies you just have

[1:29:56] to beat the shit out of them using weapons essentially.

[1:30:00] like that you are, that you, there was some other way.

[1:30:03] You prefer bare hands, right?

[1:30:04] Yes, exactly.

[1:30:05] I mean, use, I mean, the body is the ultimate weapon.

[1:30:08] Yeah, no, but if there were, if the,

[1:30:11] it feels like the movie is going towards

[1:30:13] a like never give up message,

[1:30:15] but it doesn't actually do that.

[1:30:16] And so I wish there was, I wish that they had at least,

[1:30:19] I'm not as annoyed as I was with the movie Ferdinand,

[1:30:22] where they have Ferdinand fight a bullfighter at the end,

[1:30:25] when the whole point of Ferdinand is that he is incredibly,

[1:30:28] he's a pacifist, he's incredibly passive

[1:30:30] and he refuses to fight.

[1:30:31] But it is annoying to me that they couldn't even

[1:30:33] at least like do something with the characters

[1:30:35] that at least gives the kids some other message

[1:30:38] than like video games are great and fighting is cool

[1:30:40] and use a superstar and beat someone up, you know?

[1:30:44] But I would be easier on the movie, like I'm saying,

[1:30:47] if it was an outlier and not so much

[1:30:49] of what the mainstream is right now.

[1:30:51] Yeah, it doesn't feel like the focus of all.

[1:30:53] The same way that it wouldn't bother me so much that,

[1:30:55] yeah, it wouldn't bother me so much

[1:30:56] that Chris Pratt is playing an incompetent

[1:30:58] who is the star, even though there's a woman

[1:31:00] who's better at everything than them,

[1:31:01] who should be the hero of the movie,

[1:31:03] if that didn't already exist as a trope,

[1:31:05] you know, or anything like that.

[1:31:06] So I guess what I'm saying is thumbs up,

[1:31:08] best movie of the year, go see it,

[1:31:09] 10 out of 10, 100 stars.

[1:31:12] Move over, Seven Samurai,

[1:31:13] because there's a new best epic adventure

[1:31:16] about a band of heroes

[1:31:18] and it's called the Super Mario Brothers movie.

[1:31:20] Hey, speaking of video games and bright colors,

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[1:34:43] On Troubled Waters, we play a whole host of games,

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[1:36:06] ♪♪

[1:36:11] The next thing is letters from listeners.

[1:36:15] People who listen to the show, just like you,

[1:36:18] write in. Just like you.

[1:36:19] And then we talk to them.

[1:36:21] Kind of a one-way conversation

[1:36:23] because they wrote the letter down and we just respond,

[1:36:26] but that's the way it works, guys.

[1:36:29] I hope I've adequately explained letters.

[1:36:34] This one is from Brian, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:36:39] Dear Flopsters, in second grade,

[1:36:42] my teacher was asking the class for examples of homophones.

[1:36:47] Everyone else in the class was giving examples

[1:36:48] like there, there, and there, and Maine and Maine.

[1:36:54] I raised my hand, was called on and said, Harry and Harry.

[1:36:58] And my teacher responded, no, no, that's not a homophone

[1:37:02] because they're pronounced differently.

[1:37:04] The name is pronounced Harry instead of Harry.

[1:37:09] I was the only example in the class

[1:37:11] that was rejected by the teacher

[1:37:12] and it was horribly embarrassing to me as an eight-year-old.

[1:37:16] Fast forward to 2023 and in the Poker Face episode,

[1:37:19] the three of you made the joke that Harry Poppins

[1:37:22] is also the name of the porn parody,

[1:37:25] but Harry is spelled slightly differently,

[1:37:27] implying that the title would be called Harry Poppins,

[1:37:31] which I assume refers to pubic hair.

[1:37:34] I can't begin to tell you how vindicated I felt

[1:37:36] when my favorite podcasters agreed with me

[1:37:39] that Harry and Harry are pronounced the same

[1:37:41] and are therefore homophones.

[1:37:43] Yeah, I'm losing my fucking mind.

[1:37:44] They're pronounced the same, right?

[1:37:45] Keep on homophoning in the free world.

[1:37:48] Brian, last name withheld.

[1:37:48] I hate to stomp on Brian's dreams,

[1:37:52] but Harry and Harry actually don't sound the same to me.

[1:37:56] Really?

[1:37:57] I know they do to other people, though.

[1:37:58] This is an argument I've had with my wife many times.

[1:38:01] You have those super refined listening ears.

[1:38:03] I do.

[1:38:04] My ears are that there are different parts of the country

[1:38:06] where different words sound the same

[1:38:08] and then they don't in other places.

[1:38:10] To me, the words Mary, like the name Mary,

[1:38:13] marry, like you marry someone,

[1:38:15] and merry, like I'm feeling merry today, sound differently.

[1:38:18] But to my wife, who is from Northern California,

[1:38:20] they are all the same sound, Mary, Mary, Mary,

[1:38:22] whereas to me, they are three separate sounds.

[1:38:24] And so, Brian, you are both right and wrong

[1:38:27] at the same time.

[1:38:28] I call it Schrodinger's pronunciation.

[1:38:31] You know, I was listening to Judge John Hodgman,

[1:38:34] you know, and our pals, Hodgman and Jesse Thorne,

[1:38:37] were talking, and it was a, they were having a,

[1:38:40] someone wrote in about, is it you'll get what you get

[1:38:45] and you won't get upset, or is it you'll get what you get

[1:38:49] and you won't throw a fit?

[1:38:51] What?

[1:38:52] And, yeah, well, they-

[1:38:54] That doesn't, because, oh,

[1:38:55] to them, that rhymes, but it doesn't rhyme objectively.

[1:38:58] Here's the thing.

[1:39:00] Unless it's you'll get what you get

[1:39:02] and you won't throw a fit, like you won't throw a boba fit.

[1:39:05] Yeah, or a party.

[1:39:06] They were upset about it because they're like,

[1:39:09] those words, what are you talking?

[1:39:11] Like, they were gobsmacked by the idea

[1:39:14] that anyone would think that get and get,

[1:39:16] or fit, like, sound alike.

[1:39:19] That rhyme, yeah.

[1:39:20] As someone who constantly receives abuse on this podcast,

[1:39:25] for not really making a lot of-

[1:39:27] Which, on Judge John Hodgman, you get abuse different?

[1:39:29] Yeah, they have a regular segment called Crap on Dan,

[1:39:33] where they just talk about how much they don't like Dan,

[1:39:36] but Dan did, yeah.

[1:39:37] Fan on Dan?

[1:39:37] The very, I mean, like, you know,

[1:39:39] reasonably- That damn Dan.

[1:39:41] Those E and I sounds, to me,

[1:39:44] don't have much difference, if any,

[1:39:47] and I was enraged at their professed bafflement

[1:39:53] that anyone could possibly think that those words-

[1:39:56] I hope you wrote in, but actually,

[1:39:58] did you hear the new professed bafflement?

[1:40:00] album? That's a crazy album, I mean it's like so jazzy. Yeah, yeah, it's not like the usual stuff.

[1:40:07] No, I love it. Yeah, but so Dan, did you write in to judge? No, but I think that there should

[1:40:13] be less homophone policing going on, just like most policing. You're right, we often send the

[1:40:20] police to deal with homophone issues that could be dealt with by interaction. Mental health

[1:40:26] professionals, medical professionals, or just local storekeepers, yeah. Or like a cuffs situation.

[1:40:34] Christian Slater, you know, wanted to do sort of a Beverly Hill cop. You know what, I'm just gonna say

[1:40:41] right here, I don't think there's situations that Christian Slater is gonna handle better than the

[1:40:44] police. I don't think the police handle all those situations correctly, I don't think Christian

[1:40:49] Slater is gonna do a better job. Jack Nicholson impressions? Alright, fair point, fair point. Also

[1:40:55] hard rain, yeah, fair point, okay. There's a hard rain situation. You don't want to send the police to

[1:40:59] deal with hard rain, just saying Christian Slater. You did pretty well with that Broken Arrow thing

[1:41:03] that happened. That was a movie, Dan, that wasn't a real thing. Do you think if Austin Butler got

[1:41:08] cast in the Jack Nicholson biopic, Christian Slater would be really mad because Austin Butler

[1:41:12] would be so much better at doing Jack Nicholson than him? Yes, I do think so. Okay, cool, that's

[1:41:18] the answer I needed. There's only one up, then they'd have to get together for a jack-off,

[1:41:24] see who's best. Good old-fashioned jack-off. This is from Kenny, last name withheld. Powers? Probably,

[1:41:35] probably fictional character Kenny Powers. We get a lot of letters from fictional characters. Yeah,

[1:41:40] this letter goes, Hello, Frop, it's all written in capitals, it's gotta be Kenny Powers. I already

[1:41:47] misspoke. Hello, Flopperoonies, I'm a recent convert to the Flophouse. I'm actually an Andy

[1:41:52] Rooney, not a Flopperoonie, but thank you. Oh, well, thank you for just starting to listen. We

[1:41:56] appreciate it. Yeah, thank you. Our community outreach efforts have finally paid off. I had

[1:42:02] been subscribed. This is interesting. That ad we bought during the Super Bowl finally netted us to

[1:42:07] one listener. It cost a lot, but I said it would work. I do like this next bit. I had been subscribed

[1:42:13] for a long time, but I'd never listened to an episode. Oh, okay, well that raises more questions

[1:42:19] than it answers, yeah? Hey, you know what? There's a lot of stuff out there. And I have that too. I'll

[1:42:26] hear about a podcast, and I'll start subscribing to it and never get around to listening to it,

[1:42:30] because I like the ones I listen to normally so much. That's right. And I have a lot of them at

[1:42:35] this point, so it's a high bar to join the rotation. But this person finally listened.

[1:42:42] Dan, have you heard the new album from High Bar to Join the Rotation? Okay, okay, okay. I've never

[1:42:49] listened to an episode. That all changed when I just could not get enough Black Adam discourse.

[1:42:54] The day I started listening was also the same day I went to see a repertory screening of Hard Target

[1:43:00] in Brooklyn. Still listening to the podcast, I took out my earbuds as I was riding the escalator

[1:43:05] and thought I was going crazy because I could still hear Dan talking. Now that I follow him

[1:43:10] on Letterboxd, however, I know I'm not crazy because he had Hard Target logged that day as

[1:43:15] well. That right, that's right. Seeing if a podcast host saw a movie the same night as me proves that

[1:43:22] I'm not crazy. They also write, as I listen to more episodes, I quickly realized that as a resident

[1:43:28] of Sunset Park, I've been to many several times. No, that's pretty cool. Anyway, I just needed to

[1:43:33] get these thoughts out of my head, and I simply could not subject my wife to listening to me talk

[1:43:37] about another podcast, so I thought I'd just send an email and say, thank you for making a show I

[1:43:42] like a lot, Kenny Lasting withheld. I feel like if you go to the movies in Brooklyn or Manhattan,

[1:43:48] there's like a 50% chance you're gonna run into Dan or like Griffin Newman or something. Yeah. We

[1:43:54] are human beings who exist in meat space as well. And go to a lot of movies. There's a lot of New

[1:44:02] Yorkers who exist in meat space as human beings who you will not run into at a movie theater.

[1:44:06] Similar to how I used to see Wallace Shawn in the audience of plays, because he's a guy who

[1:44:12] goes to see a lot of plays. Not just everyone in New York goes to plays all the time and you

[1:44:16] will eventually see them. Yeah, you're like, yeah, you know, normal New York experiencing

[1:44:20] Wallace Shawn everywhere. And people are like, I don't have that experience at all. I was like,

[1:44:24] oh, I saw Wallace Shawn again the other day. And they're like, who? I was like, from the

[1:44:31] Princess Bride and Clueless. And they're like, not familiar. And I go, the author of Aunt Dan

[1:44:34] and Lemon? Oh, yeah, right. Wait, you're familiar with his plays, but you didn't remember his name?

[1:44:39] Yeah. I think I've told the story of this before that one time I was in often it would be I would

[1:44:47] be with my grandmother when we would be in the audience of a play and Wallace Shawn would also

[1:44:50] be the audience. There's one time it was a very small theater. And during the intermission,

[1:44:53] she's very loudly saying, who's that man over there? What's his name? He's an actor. And I was

[1:44:58] like, Wallace Shawn. Yeah, I can't hear you. Say it louder. What was his name? His father edited

[1:45:03] The New Yorker. What's his name? His name's Wallace Shawn. Well, I can't hear you. Say it

[1:45:07] louder. And Wallace Shawn is, I think, two rows away and could have easily stood up at any point

[1:45:12] and said, my name is Wallace Shawn, but decided to ignore my grandmother. Yeah, I mean, I was

[1:45:16] seated two tables down from Ethan Hawke at a restaurant before a show the other day. Ethan

[1:45:22] Hudson Hawke himself. Yeah. And I had a similar situation where I was like, oh, wow, that's Ethan

[1:45:27] Hawke over there. And Charlene's like, what? And I'm like, I'm not going to say it again. Reality,

[1:45:34] what? Gattaca. First, Rahul. Training, what? So this is the part of the show where we recommend

[1:45:47] movies that we saw and enjoyed and maybe would be a better use of your time than the Super Mario

[1:45:54] Brothers movie, if that's even possible, because, as Elliot mentioned, we were both in the UK,

[1:45:59] not together, although I was almost arriving in Edinburgh just as Elliot was leaving,

[1:46:05] which almost feels insulting. But my trip like months ago, but Elliot, Dan and our producer

[1:46:13] were all in England at the same time. And I'm like, why are you guys doing a fucking show without me?

[1:46:19] Yeah. And you say, yeah, you see, you stumble the next day on the website that just says

[1:46:24] Flophouse sells out Royal Albert Hall, biggest British history. But I'm the most flexible

[1:46:31] in my life. This is how unflexible I am, is that our producer, Alex, and I tried to find a time

[1:46:36] to meet up. And even when we were in the same city in a foreign country, we could not find a moment

[1:46:41] to where I was free enough to go meet him. But but this is the first. This was the first

[1:46:48] genuine sorry vacation that we kind of went on since Covid. And it was in honor of my parents

[1:46:55] 60th wedding anniversary, which is not important to the story, but I want to wish them.

[1:46:59] Dan doesn't consider the trip we did to Puerto Rico to be a vacation.

[1:47:06] It was like a weekend thing. It was I mean, it was it was a weekend thing. That's how I describe it.

[1:47:12] Anyway, OK, the second time. Yes, thank you. Perfect. But you got him. No more Pinocchio's

[1:47:20] Pinocchio rescinded the return of the summer vacation comes the return of the plane movies,

[1:47:25] guys. I recommend a movie I watched on a plane. Yeah. Did you watch did you watch 80 for Brady,

[1:47:31] the movie that nearly everyone on both flights I took was watching? Wow. No, I didn't. That's

[1:47:37] and like everybody was laughing so hard, the plane almost fell out of the sky. We almost

[1:47:41] crashed because the pilot was laughing so hard because he was watching it. It was in the Stuart

[1:47:45] recommends section of the movies. Everyone is watching either 80 for Brady or a man called

[1:47:50] Otto. And I'm like, I guess movie stars are what pull people in. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah.

[1:47:56] Yeah. I watched a movie very similar, of course, to 80 for Brady called Women Talking the screenplay.

[1:48:04] Everyone starts as a woman talking and becomes an 80 for Brady. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

[1:48:08] Sarah Polley, right? Sarah Polley, written, directed. Someone I've admired very much,

[1:48:14] both as an actress and a filmmaker. This one's great. It's it's a movie that is the subject

[1:48:21] matter is very tragic. You know, is it is it an Ammonite community? They're like these women.

[1:48:27] Ammonites are Ammonites are fossils are shell, extinct shellfish. But Mennonites are it is a

[1:48:33] sort of sort of is it is it is it extinct shellfish or is it a community of people?

[1:48:39] So there's a there's a community of this. So that's the thing is the women are all playing

[1:48:42] extinct shellfish. This is less. This is less respect. The subject of this movie should get.

[1:48:50] I mean, thinking about where you think about the movie Ammonite, which is about women,

[1:48:53] but is that they're fossil? Possibly, possibly. Anyway, it's about women in a restrictive

[1:48:59] religious community who have discovered that the men have been drugging and raping them, which

[1:49:06] lends a terrible tone to all of the hijinks of the last few minutes. But I'm glad I'm glad we

[1:49:13] made fun of your basic mispronunciation before we had revealed that to the audience. Yeah,

[1:49:17] I'm glad that this comedy podcast, it's I made a joke. It's but it's about the women in the

[1:49:25] community, you know, as the men have gone to bail these these monsters out there, they're

[1:49:31] deciding what they should do, whether they should say whether they should leave, whether they should

[1:49:37] fight what what they should do about it. And it is it is what it says is women talking and debating

[1:49:44] this. And it could be, you know, a very dry movie with sort of the broad outlines of just like it's

[1:49:55] it's about a meeting, essentially, but like the Phantom.

[1:50:00] Yeah. It is. It is both more. It is both. It is both more

[1:50:06] exciting than the Phantom Menace and more suspenseful and

[1:50:09] more interesting. All three of those things. I said both and I

[1:50:12] said more than two things but yeah. But it's a it is very

[1:50:16] compelling. The it is full of a lot of rage and sadness but

[1:50:20] also kindness and uh hope and it's you know it's a movie that

[1:50:26] is you know very sort of complex in its worldview like

[1:50:31] these women have been held down by the the strictures of power

[1:50:36] in their community but they also find a lot of strength

[1:50:40] from their religious faith um going forward and uh it's just

[1:50:46] a bunch of tremendous actors you know in a room uh acting uh

[1:50:53] you know. Tremendously. Oh well. Yeah. Give us some names.

[1:50:56] Who's who's in this thing? Um uh geez uh why can't I remember

[1:51:01] their names? Have you heard of Rudy Mara? Have you heard of

[1:51:03] Frances McDormand perhaps? Hollywood Heavyweight. So

[1:51:06] briefly in it though. Yeah she's not in it very much. It's

[1:51:09] it's almost baffling. It's uh I can't remember the woman. Have

[1:51:12] you heard of Ben Whishaw who's not a woman but is in the movie

[1:51:15] quite a bit. Oh okay yeah I've heard of him. Uh who's the

[1:51:18] woman in um I'm thinking of ending things. She is. Jesse

[1:51:21] Buckley. She's in it. Jesse Buckley. She's in it. Oh from

[1:51:24] one of your favorites. Yeah. Claire Foy. Um a lot a lot of

[1:51:29] great performers. Judith Ivey. Uh but yeah. Unsurprisingly,

[1:51:36] it's uh very good. That sounds good. Yeah, I put that off. I

[1:51:39] think that was one of the only uh best picture. It was a best

[1:51:42] picture nominee, right? Yes, it was. That was one of the one of

[1:51:45] the few that I put off but maybe. That's one that. I mean,

[1:51:47] give it a give it a watch. It's very easy to think it's uh a

[1:51:50] movie that's just going to be upsetting only and maybe you're

[1:51:56] not in the mood for that but uh it you know it hits a lot more

[1:52:01] tones that and is you know just it's it's kind of

[1:52:05] transforming in certain ways. Cool. Okay. Hey guys. I am

[1:52:10] going to break the rules of our podcast. I'm not gonna

[1:52:14] recommend a movie at all. What? I know. Get out. Get the ****

[1:52:19] out of here. Nope. Nope. I'm one third owner. I can do what

[1:52:23] I want. You think you know someone and then and then they

[1:52:26] betray you like this. Yes, you stabbed in the back because it's

[1:52:29] me. Did I do something? It is you. Yes. No, it's you. It's

[1:52:34] your fault. You made this happen. Um I am not gonna

[1:52:38] recommend a movie. I'm gonna recommend a TV program. I'm

[1:52:41] gonna recommend a show that uh was on I think HBO uh about a

[1:52:46] year or so ago. It is the uh Luca Guadagnino series. We are

[1:52:51] who we are or wait. We are what we are. God damn it. I can't

[1:52:54] remember what the name is. Give me a second. I'm pulling it.

[1:52:56] I don't remember anything. It's not RRR. We are we are who we

[1:53:02] are. We are Marshall. Thank you. Uh so it is. We are

[1:53:06] Marshall. So I uh I've mentioned this on the show

[1:53:09] before but I'm a huge uh fan of Luca Guadagnino's film work. Uh

[1:53:14] he manages to make these movies that are very romantic

[1:53:18] and also uh very like tactile and lush and beautiful and this

[1:53:25] show kinda continues that. It's about a group of teenagers who

[1:53:29] live on an American military base in Italy in 2016. Uh so

[1:53:35] you have a little bit of a backdrop of the 2016 election

[1:53:37] and the you know the world events at that time um and it's

[1:53:42] impressive in that like as the show begins and you're

[1:53:45] introduced to these characters in this world uh you I mean at

[1:53:50] least for me I did not like some of the characters at all

[1:53:53] and as the show continues you like you get to know these uh

[1:53:59] the characters and they're you know various uh at their high

[1:54:03] points at their worst points and uh I don't know if like it

[1:54:07] felt very beautiful to me and very real um and uh as the show

[1:54:13] wrapped up I uh you know I I miss them now so despite you

[1:54:18] know their their flaws uh I I found it to be a very moving

[1:54:22] show. Um you might not you might not have the patience or

[1:54:26] interest in it but uh we are who we are. I thought it was a

[1:54:29] lot of fun and I didn't really hear anybody talking about it

[1:54:31] uh but if that kinda thing interests you check it out. And

[1:54:35] I am gonna change gears and follow the rules for once like

[1:54:38] a good little boy and recommend a movie uh because it's this is

[1:54:42] a movie podcast. I don't think it's called the flop tube

[1:54:45] although sometimes it is called two boy talking tube to two

[1:54:48] dudes tonight alright. Uh. Or today yes way. Today yes way.

[1:54:53] Uh this is gonna be a kind of different thing for me guys. I'm

[1:54:56] gonna recommend a check new wave movie. Have I done that

[1:54:58] before? So I. No what's a check new wave? So that's a good

[1:55:03] point. Uh have you guys heard the new check new wave album?

[1:55:05] Uh so uh the film movement from the mid 1960s to to the uh it

[1:55:11] had kinda petered out by the late 1960s because the

[1:55:12] government was uh cracking down on free expression in uh

[1:55:15] Czechoslovakia but uh Czech filmmakers they did some

[1:55:18] amazing work in the 60s and this is a movie that I've been

[1:55:20] wanting to see for a while and I finally found it on YouTube

[1:55:23] with a mostly pretty good English subtitling. Uh and it's

[1:55:28] written and directed by Yuri Menzel who made my favorite

[1:55:30] Czech movie closely watch trains. This movie is called

[1:55:33] Larks on a string. Uh and it stars among other people the

[1:55:37] same lead from uh closely watch trains although he's part of an

[1:55:39] ensemble here. This is a movie that was made in 1969 but it

[1:55:42] was banned by the Czech government and not released

[1:55:45] officially until 1990 and it's the story of the relationships

[1:55:49] and eccentricities of a small group of men and women who are

[1:55:52] being forced to work at a junkyard as part of their

[1:55:54] reeducation by the communist government and that makes it

[1:55:58] sound very dour but it's actually a really light fun

[1:56:02] movie for most of the runtime. It's a very funny kind of warm

[1:56:05] movie. Uh and it's all about the need for human connection

[1:56:08] and how um even when you're under an oppressive government,

[1:56:12] people still feel the need to flirt, to fall in love, and to

[1:56:14] make friends and so forth. Uh and kinda shows how that

[1:56:17] oppressiveness, that oppression makes that harder but it

[1:56:20] doesn't go away and there's this really wonderful scene in

[1:56:22] it where the characters trick the guy guarding them into

[1:56:26] leaving his post so that they can all kind of crowd around a

[1:56:29] barrel fire together on a cold day and the sheer pleasure that

[1:56:34] they get from just standing close to each other and kind of

[1:56:36] having their hands close to each other is just really

[1:56:39] beautiful. It's a really, I found it would be a really

[1:56:40] moving scene. So, it's a really warm, sweet movie. It's very

[1:56:43] delightful times uh but it still manages by the very end

[1:56:46] to leave a very bleak, uncomfortable taste in your

[1:56:48] mouth. Uh and for most of the movie, I was like, why did they

[1:56:51] ban this? But in the end, I was like, I understand why they

[1:56:53] banned this. Like, I get it. The the cumulative effect of

[1:56:55] it. I will warn you, there's one scene uh that I found off

[1:56:59] putting where two characters I think are being presented as

[1:57:02] creepy perverts and I think the movie is not finding it funny

[1:57:06] but I am not totally sure. So, that one scene, I did not, it

[1:57:10] was a little too far for me but uh otherwise, I found it to be

[1:57:14] aside from that one scene, I found it to just be like just a

[1:57:16] really kind of beautiful, very sweet movie that uh still

[1:57:20] managed to have this kind of um it's uh you know, you're a

[1:57:24] cookie full of arsenic uh like it like they say in Sweet Smell

[1:57:26] of Success uh and I can see why they banned it and I'm glad

[1:57:29] that it eventually came out because it's really good. It's

[1:57:30] called Larks on a String. Okay, three movies recommended. Uh

[1:57:36] yeah. Two movies and one abomination. Um hey guys. It's

[1:57:40] just a television show. It's I'm just making making. I'm just

[1:57:43] joking. It's TV shows. Abomination doesn't have his

[1:57:45] own show yet anyway. No, he's only appeared in a couple of

[1:57:48] novel movies. Yeah. And shows. Yeah, and shows. That's true.

[1:57:51] Yeah. We've uh we've come to the end of another episode and

[1:57:54] you know what? The next one gonna be our 400th. What?

[1:57:58] 400 episodes. Yeah. We uh I think we should do a big movie

[1:58:02] like the Super Mario Brothers movie for that. You know what?

[1:58:05] Well, we are doing a big movie but in a different way. We're

[1:58:08] doing one of the classics of the bad cinema canon. Uh. Yes.

[1:58:13] Something that we have avoided in the past because maybe we

[1:58:16] felt like, oh, is there any more meat on that bone? But you

[1:58:19] know what? We're gonna go suck on that bone. Yeah, we're just

[1:58:22] gonna gnaw on that bone. Bone town. Yeah. Crack it open. Suck

[1:58:26] the marrow out. Just yeah. I think we can say we're gonna

[1:58:29] yeah. We're gonna talk about Troll Two. Troll Two. The best

[1:58:32] worst movie. Yeah. Not Trolls Two. Troll Two. Troll Two.

[1:58:36] There's more than one troll in it but it's just Troll Two. I

[1:58:38] got mixed up. Yeah, it's just Troll Two. It's not Trolls.

[1:58:41] World Tour. World Tour. We're watching. I can't believe they

[1:58:44] left singular troll. They could have just called it Trolls

[1:58:48] World Tour like TWOR. But it wasn't. It was the second one.

[1:58:54] It could have. But the idea. They didn't. I will say Trolls

[1:58:57] World Tour is the movie that introduced my son to the song

[1:59:00] Barracuda. So, I'll give it that. Although he now refers to

[1:59:03] that song as the song from Trolls World Tour which uh

[1:59:06] offends me. It's not from Trolls World Tour. I mean, it's

[1:59:08] in it but it's not from the. Anyway, Troll Two. That's the

[1:59:10] movie we're gonna be talking about. Yeah. The uh the uh

[1:59:13] often called the best worst movie. Is it really? Find out.

[1:59:17] When the Flop Boys take it on for our 400th episode. Regular

[1:59:21] episode spectacular. Wow, that's uh what? 16 years of

[1:59:26] doing the podcast? Oh. Yeah. What? Yeah, don't remind me.

[1:59:29] Yeah. Crazy. What a life. Uh anyway. I've never seen, I've

[1:59:36] never seen the life flesh before in the eyes of a living

[1:59:38] person before. So much of it was uh Russell Crowe and Paul

[1:59:44] Bettany. Two fine actors. They should get better agents. Um

[1:59:48] anyway. Uh yeah, this has been great. Uh if you like the show,

[1:59:54] please tell your friends. If you don't like the show, keep

[1:59:57] it to yourself. Why not? If you like

[2:00:00] Super Mario Brothers movie and you're like super mad

[2:00:02] that we didn't like it that much.

[2:00:03] Super Mario Brothers, yeah.

[2:00:05] Our opinion don't mean shit to you.

[2:00:07] Don't worry about it.

[2:00:08] Ignore it. It's fine.

[2:00:09] Like it.

[2:00:10] That's cool, too.

[2:00:12] Thanks for listening, though,

[2:00:13] and thank you to Maximum Fun.

[2:00:15] If you like this podcast,

[2:00:17] there are other great podcasts over at maximumfun.org.

[2:00:21] That is our podcasting network.

[2:00:23] If you like the sound of the show,

[2:00:24] that is all thanks to our producer, Alex Smith.

[2:00:27] You can find him on various socials

[2:00:28] under the name HowlDotty, H-O-W-E-L-L-D-A-W-D-Y.

[2:00:38] You did it.

[2:00:39] You did it.

[2:00:40] Good job.

[2:00:41] Alex, pick an easier to spell moniker next time.

[2:00:44] Can you use it in a sentence now?

[2:00:48] Go watch the Twitch stream that HowlDotty does.

[2:00:52] I'll allow it.

[2:00:53] It's technically a sentence.

[2:00:55] Anyway, thanks all of you for listening.

[2:00:57] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[2:00:59] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[2:01:01] And I'm Super Elliot Kalin,

[2:01:03] because I ate a mushroom and it made me bigger.

[2:01:05] It's a hymn.

[2:01:06] Oh, okay, bye.

[2:01:08] Get out of here.

[2:01:09] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[2:01:20] On this episode, we discuss the Super Mario Brothers movie.

[2:01:25] It's a meme movie.

[2:01:27] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[2:01:33] Because I almost started laughing through,

[2:01:34] like right in the title.

[2:01:36] So hold on.

[2:01:37] Yeah, I think that's,

[2:01:37] I don't think that gets any more perfect.

[2:01:39] But if you want to do it again, you can.

[2:01:40] Let's just try it and Alex can decide.

[2:01:42] He can be the comedy judge.

[2:01:44] On this episode, we discuss

[2:01:46] the Super Mario Brothers movie.

[2:01:48] The movie.

[2:01:49] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[2:01:55] Maximumfun.org, comedy and culture.

[2:01:58] Artists owned, audience supported.

Ep. #399 The Super Mario Bros. Movie

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