Ep. #399 The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the Super Mario Brothers movie.

[0:04] It's-a me, movie!

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:41] I'm Elliot Kalin. That's right. What a rev up on my own name.

[0:44] I just couldn't wait to tell you, but I had to wait because I needed to get up to speed.

[0:47] And now that I'm up to speed, let's speed on over to the next speedy part of this speed podcast.

[0:52] Dan, we're talking about speed today, right?

Dan McCoy

[0:54] No, we're not. Elliot, we don't have time for all this rev up talk.

[0:57] I have something important to tell people right at the top of the show.

[1:01] Oh, wonderful.

[1:02] And that is a reminder. We announced it last episode, but you know what?

[1:05] Some of you, for some reason, don't listen to the minis.

[1:07] We can work on that. We can talk about it.

[1:09] But anyway, what we got to remind you of is we're doing a whole slate of streaming shows.

[1:14] We're kind of calling it Flop TV, at least for now.

[1:18] But they'll probably stick because we're lazy.

[1:20] And there's a whole theme of these streaming shows.

[1:24] It's Flophouse All-Stars.

[1:27] Some of the most referenced or requested or movies that loom large in Flophouse lore are going to be on this.

[1:35] And what is this?

[1:36] It's a whole season of slightly shorter live streams.

[1:41] You know, it's not one of our big full live streams where we, you know, do like each do three presentations like on a live show.

[1:48] So we're going to tighten it up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50] It's not a full three-hour Flophouse a-poppin' hell's a-poppin' bonanza.

[1:55] But in fact, a regular monthly live television show version of the Flophouse, right?

Dan McCoy

[2:01] Yeah.

[2:01] Yeah, we're going to try and keep it to about an hour.

[2:04] And we're going to do six of these things over six months.

[2:09] It'll be the first Saturday of every month except for in September because of Labor Day and also just to be confusing to you guys.

[2:17] But mostly at the first Saturday of the month, we're going to be doing these live shows.

[2:22] The slate is as Beastmaster 2 through the portal of time.

[2:27] Classic.

[2:27] We got Cool World.

[2:29] Yes.

[2:30] In October, there's a double feature.

[2:32] Hot Dog the movie.

[2:33] Hamburger the motion picture.

[2:35] Delicious.

[2:37] Over the Top, Ballistic, X vs. Sever, and Nuki.

[2:41] That's going to be running through August through January.

[2:45] We're going to be doing these.

Elliott Kalan

[2:46] Why are we watching Nuki?

[2:48] And for each of those, it's going to be fun.

[2:51] It's one a month except for that double feature.

[2:53] It's not like that was the first episode that Dan just talked about.

[2:56] Dan, is there a way that someone could, say, get a season pass to this whole slate of shows?

Dan McCoy

[3:01] Yeah.

[3:02] You know, this is an experiment.

[3:04] We're going to see what happens.

[3:05] You can get a ticket for an individual show for seven bucks.

[3:10] In case you're only interested in Cool World and nothing else.

[3:13] You got to hear our take on Cool World, but hate our take on Beastmaster 2.

[3:18] Seven bucks buys you that Cool World.

[3:20] Too many ferrets.

[3:22] But if you want to watch the whole season of shows, if you think that you want to see them all, that's a $35 price tag.

[3:30] And that's like getting one show for free.

[3:33] That show?

[3:34] Nuki.

Elliott Kalan

[3:36] Anyway.

[3:37] Maybe we don't advertise that as a bonus.

Dan McCoy

[3:40] I've run through this pretty fast or as fast as I could.

[3:44] Not that fast.

[3:45] But there's more information.

[3:46] Yeah, it's not like you micromachined it, Dan.

[3:48] Come on.

[3:48] Yeah, no.

[3:49] We'll fix it in post.

[3:50] I'm just saying, if you're curious about more information, you can go to either theflophouse.simpletix.com or tinyurl.com slash flophouse live.

[4:03] Whichever one is easier for you to remember.

[4:05] Read them both.

[4:06] Read them both again.

[4:07] Yeah, theflophouse.simpletix.com or tinyurl.com slash flophouse live.

[4:14] You can check out more information.

[4:17] Maybe get a clearer summary because it's not just me rambling.

[4:20] And maybe buy a ticket or a season pass.

[4:24] But anyway, that's enough promotion right up at the top.

Stuart Wellington

[4:28] Yeah, what do we do on this podcast?

[4:29] This is a…

[4:30] Other than promote other products.

[4:32] Related, but slightly different.

Elliott Kalan

[4:35] If ever there was a time to do promotional stuff up top, it's when we're doing the Super Mario Brothers movie,

[4:40] which is essentially a movie advertisement for a video game.

[4:42] But Dan, what else do we do on this podcast?

[4:45] I was going to say, on this movie, this is not a movie.

[4:47] This is a podcast.

[4:47] You're listening to it in your ears.

[4:49] It's not a movie in your mind.

[4:50] That's a book on tape.

Dan McCoy

[4:52] If you're not seeing any pictures in front of you, don't worry.

[4:55] That is not either a malfunction of the podcast or of your eyes.

[5:00] This is a podcast, not a movie.

[5:01] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[5:02] It's also not moving pictures, the Rush album.

[5:06] I'm sorry if that's what you thought you were listening to right now.

Dan McCoy

[5:10] Or Dire Straits also.

[5:12] Anyway.

[5:14] Maybe it's a Dire Straits album, not a Rush album.

[5:16] I don't know.

[5:17] Hey.

[5:18] Nope.

[5:19] It's a Rush album.

[5:19] I don't know what you're talking about, Dan.

[5:21] Roll the Bones is a Rush album.

[5:22] Cast.

[5:22] Let's stop talking about Dad Rock and start talking about what we do on this podcast,

[5:26] which is we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[5:30] A movie that is either a commercial flop, which this was not.

[5:35] No, this was a huge hit.

[5:36] Like, this has got to be in the top five moneymakers of things that we've covered.

[5:41] Yeah.

[5:42] It was huge.

[5:42] It's got to be.

Elliott Kalan

[5:43] Yeah.

[5:43] It made $1.3 billion.

[5:45] Yeah.

[5:45] It grossed $1.3 billion.

[5:46] Yeah.

[5:47] It's the third highest grossing animated film of all time after Frozen 2 and the Lion King

[5:54] remake.

[5:54] So just nothing but top quality shit on the top of the highest grossing animated films

[5:59] of all time.

[5:59] Real meritocracy on the top of the-

[6:01] Take that fucking Miyazaki.

[6:02] It's spirited way up your ass.

[6:04] I guess you should have taken Nausicaa and then redone it in CGI that looked a little

[6:09] real.

[6:10] Number four, Frozen.

[6:11] I think that's the first time on the list of highest grossing animated films before you

[6:15] get a quality film.

[6:16] Is that number four, Frozen.

[6:17] Then, of course, it's Incredibles 2.

[6:19] So what are you going to do about that?

[6:21] Hey.

Dan McCoy

[6:22] Incredibles 2.

Elliott Kalan

[6:23] It's just, it's no Incredibles.

[6:24] Number six, of course.

Dan McCoy

[6:25] It's not Incredibles.

[6:26] I, uh.

[6:27] But then, Dan, your favorite is at number six.

[6:28] I like it better than Frozen.

Elliott Kalan

[6:29] Minions at number six.

[6:30] Okay.

[6:32] Um, anyway.

[6:33] Wait, guess which Toy Story movie is the top highest grossing Toy Story movie of all

[6:37] time?

Dan McCoy

[6:38] Uh, ooh, I'm going to guess it's four because it's the worst one.

Elliott Kalan

[6:43] You're right, Toy Story 4.

Dan McCoy

[6:46] Um, anyway.

[6:49] So, huge hit.

Elliott Kalan

[6:50] The Super Mario Brothers movie, huge hit.

[6:52] And this is a movie, it is.

[6:54] I'm not going to do the summary today, but I will say my, my mission statement in talking

[6:57] about it today is to treat it as a movie that is both somehow incredibly generic as seen

[7:02] by the title.

[7:03] I'm going to do the movie.

[7:03] Which is not even Super Mario Brothers the movie, but the Super Mario Brothers movie.

[7:07] Like, you know, it's like a product you would get on the shelf somewhere when you don't want

[7:10] to pay for the name brand, a Super Mario Brothers movie.

[7:13] But also, this movie, it feels like if you did a sketch on a 90s sketch comedy show where they're

[7:21] making a Super Mario Brothers movie and they showed the trailer of it, maybe an early 2000s

[7:25] sketch comedy show.

[7:26] It would be this movie.

[7:27] How it's like, Luigi, someday we'll be two plumbers.

[7:31] Then people will take us seriously.

[7:32] Whoa, we're in the mushroom world.

[7:34] To get help, we'll have to go to the Donkey Kong country.

[7:37] Like, everything that happens in this movie feels like a parody of a Super Mario Brothers

[7:41] movie.

[7:41] Elliot already just did the fucking summary.

Stuart Wellington

[7:43] We can wrap it up here, guys.

[7:45] Somebody start playing the podcast faster, so it wraps up.

Dan McCoy

[7:48] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:49] Because the time counter's running down.

Dan McCoy

[7:51] The difference is if it was a sketch, there would be jokes in it.

[7:55] By and large.

[7:56] Dan, don't you remember?

Elliott Kalan

[7:58] Did you forget the joke of how Super Mario hates eating mushrooms, but he has to eat mushrooms?

Dan McCoy

[8:03] That was a joke and not sort of.

[8:06] Well, it's a piece of character business.

[8:08] Yeah, like an ironic commentary on the thing we all knew walking into the theater, I guess.

[8:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[8:15] But, Stuart, it's your turn.

[8:16] You're going to be a Stuart Mario Brother today.

[8:19] Or a stuper?

[8:19] What?

[8:20] I've been knighted?

[8:21] A stuper Mario Brother?

Dan McCoy

[8:23] A super Stu-io brother?

Stuart Wellington

[8:26] I think Elliot's was closest, but I like Dan's better.

Dan McCoy

[8:29] I was trying to compliment you with that.

Stuart Wellington

[8:31] Yeah, I'm a super Stu-io.

[8:33] Yeah.

[8:34] And here's my brother Stu-stu-io.

Elliott Kalan

[8:36] You're either Stu-i-ji or you're Wa-Stu-i-ji.

[8:39] Which one would you prefer to be?

[8:40] Wa-Stu-i-ji.

[8:41] So, one of the interesting things.

[8:43] Hey, sexier.

Stuart Wellington

[8:44] Before we get into the summary, I want to point out the fact that the two characters are Mario and Luigi.

[8:51] For the vast majority of the movie, Mario, voiced by Chris Pratt, doing a pitch-perfect Italian accent.

[8:58] Now, let's talk about this.

Dan McCoy

[9:00] Because, like, there was a lot of outcry.

[9:02] And, to be frank, what?

[9:05] Because Mario, I mean, like, if you're looking for Italian-American representation, like, Mario is, like, the most comical.

Elliott Kalan

[9:13] Well, it's not like the – I don't think the original voice that all the Nintendo fans were mad was not going to be in the movie.

[9:19] I don't think he's Italian either.

[9:20] The guy who goes, it's-a me, Mario.

Dan McCoy

[9:22] Yeah, this is a weird – I don't know.

[9:24] This is a weird bit of outrage.

[9:26] I don't think this is the same as not getting – I don't know, like, of Scarlett Johansson playing an Asian character or whatnot, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[9:34] The issue, I think, is partly more that just Chris Pratt is just such a go-to guy.

[9:39] And then the character becomes a Chris Pratt character where he's kind of like a loser doof, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[9:44] I feel like they should have gone with noted Italian-American actor James Caan to do the voice.

Elliott Kalan

[9:49] I mean, James Caan, I think, had died by the time the movie was in production.

[9:53] I definitely get the Chris Pratt –

[9:55] Also not Italian.

[9:56] What?

[9:57] But he's in The Godfather.

[9:58] I hate to break it to you.

[9:59] He is in The Godfather, but he's also not Italian.

[10:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[10:03] I get the Chris Pratt overload, but I have to say, I will say this –

[10:06] Dan, did you get the new Chris Pratt overload album?

Elliott Kalan

[10:09] It bangs.

[10:10] Oh, man, it's crazy.

[10:11] It's nothing but bangers.

Dan McCoy

[10:13] I understand there's overload.

[10:16] I understand that people are suspicious about, like, his personal views and whatnot.

[10:22] Go on.

[10:23] I will say that –

[10:24] Also, how do you get so buff so fast?

[10:26] Chris Pratt, however, is –

[10:29] When you're doing celebrity casting for an animated movie, I would say he is a pretty good voice actor.

[10:34] In the way that some other people in this movie, I'm like –

[10:38] Anya Taylor-Joy, I think, is a great actor in live-action things.

[10:42] I think as a voice actor, there's very little that is being added.

[10:47] Whereas I think Chris Pratt, you know, through this Lego movie, like, he's pretty good at doing this kind of thing.

[10:53] That's – I will damn him with that big phrase.

[10:56] So, what I was originally talking about –

Elliott Kalan

[10:58] So, the 21st century – so, Dan said it first.

[11:01] Chris Pratt, the 21st century Mel Blanc.

Dan McCoy

[11:04] I mean, I would rather they get –

[11:06] Pratt over here.

[11:07] A bunch of voice actors like they used to before Shrek happened.

[11:11] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[11:12] Because it's not – I don't think anyone is going to the movie being like, I can't – well, I can't wait to see Seth Rogen and Keegan-Michael Key play –

[11:19] That being said, Jack Black as Bowser is such an incredible home run.

[11:25] It's great.

[11:25] And it's such a fantastic choice.

Stuart Wellington

[11:28] Yeah, that's a thumbs up.

[11:29] I mainly just wanted to point out that Mario and Luigi, most of the movie, Mario refers to his brother Luigi as just Lou, and I found it very distracting.

[11:39] His name's Luigi.

[11:40] I mean, I feel like just for branding purposes – well, doesn't matter.

[11:43] I'm sorry, Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[11:44] I didn't realize you were literally sort of in the middle of that thought.

[11:47] No, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[11:48] The interrupted has become the interrupter.

[11:51] Interesting.

[11:52] No, I'm –

[11:52] It seems Dan has learned well.

[11:54] It is interesting that I apologized afterwards.

[11:57] No, that's what I'm disappointed in you in, Dan.

[12:00] As your Sith Lord interrupter master, I give you a B minus.

[12:05] I would have been higher when you apologized afterwards.

[12:08] Never do so.

Stuart Wellington

[12:09] There's something very sassy about a B minus to you.

[12:13] That's just the greatest –

[12:15] I'll take it home.

Dan McCoy

[12:15] I'll take it home to the folks.

Stuart Wellington

[12:16] So, yeah, the movie opens up.

[12:19] We see a frozen wasteland, a frozen plane.

[12:23] Far off in the distance, an icy palace and kingdom.

[12:26] Suddenly, lava begins to rain down, and we see Bowser.

[12:32] That's the – we see a floating volcano island spitting out –

[12:38] Did you guys get the new floating volcano island album?

Elliott Kalan

[12:41] Bangers.

[12:42] Nothing but bangers.

[12:42] It's pretty good.

Stuart Wellington

[12:43] I think you're churching up too much.

[12:45] Wow.

[12:46] So, lava rains down, swarms of Koopas, which are like turtle men, come flying out or jumping out or doing all kinds of shit.

[12:56] Guys, I have a question for you.

Elliott Kalan

[12:57] Or should I wait until we actually see Bowser?

[12:59] Because it's a Bowser morphology question.

Dan McCoy

[13:02] Yeah, we can talk about it.

[13:03] I don't care.

[13:03] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[13:03] So, Bowser, he's enormous.

[13:05] He's got spikes on his shell.

[13:06] He has this long tail.

[13:07] Every other Koopa is a little turtle who's kind of nerdy.

[13:11] Like, he's not particularly impressive or scary.

[13:13] Yeah.

[13:14] What's – what's – what – WTD, what's the deal?

[13:17] I don't understand.

[13:18] I mean, that's why he's lord of them.

[13:19] Are they the same species?

[13:21] Are they different species?

[13:22] They all seem to be males.

[13:24] What's going on?

[13:25] What is the natural history of these creatures?

[13:29] Do they evolve separately or the same?

[13:32] Like, are they the same creature is what I'm asking.

Stuart Wellington

[13:33] There used to be – I don't know.

[13:35] There's like named Koopas, right?

[13:37] Like Iggy and some other shit.

[13:39] Well, some of those are Bowser's kids.

Dan McCoy

[13:41] Some of those in the video game are Bowser's kids.

[13:43] Yeah.

[13:44] Makes sense.

[13:45] Does Dry Bones count as a name or is that just –

Stuart Wellington

[13:47] Dry Bones isn't a name.

[13:48] No, no.

[13:49] That's a – like a species.

[13:51] It's either a species or a rank.

Elliott Kalan

[13:53] It's possible that you can become a Dry Bones.

[13:55] I mean, you see Dry Bones in this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[13:56] It's like the difference between a necromancer and a lich.

Dan McCoy

[13:58] Just like a Koopa paratroopa is – now, is that a species or is that a rank in the military?

[14:04] That's a rank.

Elliott Kalan

[14:05] And I think it's interesting, Stuart.

[14:06] You mentioned the difference between a necromancer and a licht.

[14:08] Of course, the difference is that a necromancer just has – gains the powers and a licht.

[14:14] It was recently the head of CNN but failed to stay for very long.

[14:19] Wow.

[14:19] His dark powers did not last for a very long time.

Dan McCoy

[14:22] Just think, everyone, that like all of evolution, everything had to line up just right for that joke to make sense at that particular moment.

Elliott Kalan

[14:30] That's the beauty of humor, Dan.

[14:31] That's the beauty of word humor is that it shouldn't work, but it does.

[14:35] There's so many words in this gorgeous world that God gave us that sound like other words.

[14:39] Thank you for creating the English language in its perfect form, God, and then gifting us with the Constitution, a perfect divine document that can never be changed.

[14:47] Even though it says in it how to change it.

Dan McCoy

[14:50] I feel like Elliot changed over the last –

[14:53] Yeah.

[14:54] Like we haven't seen each other in a while.

[14:55] Oh, well, that's –

[14:56] Peek behind the curtain.

[14:57] So, peek behind the curtain.

Elliott Kalan

[14:58] We record these episodes less frequently than we used to.

[15:00] Dan and I were both in the UK, and I guess Dan didn't ingest as many British tabloids as I did.

[15:05] So now I'm all about conservative politics and topless women.

[15:09] That's all I care about, all I need to know about.

[15:11] That's my media.

Dan McCoy

[15:11] Yeah.

[15:12] I think they removed the topless women.

Elliott Kalan

[15:14] I was only reading back issues.

Dan McCoy

[15:16] From the newspapers.

Elliott Kalan

[15:17] Well, Dan, I went to the library and I was reading back issues.

[15:20] Yeah.

[15:20] I went to the archives.

Dan McCoy

[15:23] For the news, of course.

[15:25] Yeah, yeah.

[15:25] He reads the newspapers for the articles.

Stuart Wellington

[15:28] Just sad to see the woke mind virus traveling to other countries, right, Dan?

[15:32] You were complaining about that.

[15:34] No.

[15:35] Again, stop trying to paint these.

Elliott Kalan

[15:37] Speaking of which, guys, have you heard the new woke mind virus album?

[15:40] Nothing but bangers.

[15:41] All bangers.

[15:41] It's crazy.

[15:42] It's so good.

Stuart Wellington

[15:43] Very jagged logo on that cover.

[15:46] So the, yeah, so we're getting this like, you know, like militant fantasy army music.

[15:52] A army of little penguin guys come marching out of the ice fortress.

[15:55] We have ranked up armies about to fight each other.

[15:59] It's like Braveheart.

[16:00] King Koopa comes out.

[16:01] Bowser himself, as we mentioned, voiced by Jack Black, who really, you know, he puts his

[16:07] whole ass in this movie.

[16:08] It's amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[16:09] He does.

[16:10] Now is it, whenever I say, so King Koopa, I'm glad you said that because I grew up knowing

[16:14] him as King Koopa, but whenever I call him that, my kids are like, what?

[16:18] Who were you talking about?

[16:19] You mean Bowser?

[16:21] Yeah.

[16:21] What the fuck are you talking about, Dad?

[16:23] Like, what is this shit, King Koopa?

[16:26] Like, did you have a stroke?

[16:27] His name is Bowser.

[16:28] And I'm like, uh, like Bowser from Shanana?

[16:31] And they're like, you get out of here.

[16:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:33] I don't understand what that is, Dad.

Elliott Kalan

[16:36] I'm like, I don't really either, necessarily.

Dan McCoy

[16:38] Are you still having a stroke, Dad?

Elliott Kalan

[16:40] They're a retro nostalgia group from before I was born, so they're double retro now?

Dan McCoy

[16:45] I like that this was framed as if this is a constant source of tension between you and

[16:51] your children.

[16:51] I mean, the King Koopa Bowser thing is kind of, but yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:54] Always saying King Koopa.

[16:54] So there's a second where we think the-

[16:56] But it's like, it's almost like, this is, that's, actually, that's, I joked earlier

[16:59] that I've become a conservative.

[17:00] I haven't.

[17:00] Okay.

[17:00] I still love liberal things, and I want everyone to live the way that they feel like is the

[17:04] best way for them to live.

[17:06] Maybe not socially, but we'll get into that.

[17:08] Hold on.

[17:09] I think everyone should have the dignity of being a human being equal in all ways.

[17:12] Now, despite their different ways of living.

[17:14] But the way, when I say King Koopa and they say Bowser, it is like I'm using a slur that

[17:19] was okay when I was a kid, but it's now no longer okay.

[17:22] They just, they are like, what are you saying?

[17:24] Like, call him Bowser.

[17:25] Call him by his name, sir.

[17:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:27] Yeah.

[17:28] Yeah, you feel.

[17:29] And you look to help from your wife, and she is, I don't know, playing solitaire or something,

[17:35] reading a book, doing something much more valid than talking about-

[17:38] Super Mario Bros.

[17:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:40] She's worried she's going to get canceled.

[17:41] Oh, yeah.

[17:42] She doesn't want to get involved.

[17:43] We should mention it.

[17:43] We will say it is a rule that she is continually reinforcing at the table that there can be no

[17:49] video game talk at the table.

[17:51] Oh, wow.

[17:52] Because my kids, they barely play video games, but they sure love talking about them.

[17:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:56] Yeah.

[17:57] That's, my friend's kid saw somebody play Undertale once, and then became obsessed with

[18:05] the character from it, who looks like a little skeleton wearing a hoodie.

[18:08] Okay.

[18:09] Sans.

[18:10] And that became his whole identity for a while, and I'm like, you know what?

[18:14] That's exactly what I would have done if I was a kid.

[18:18] Yeah.

[18:18] See somebody play a video game once, and that's my whole deal.

[18:21] So, okay.

[18:23] So Bowser comes out.

[18:23] Army of Penguins marches out.

[18:25] It looks like we're going to have a real battle on our hands.

[18:28] Turns out the Penguins just throw snowballs ineffectually.

[18:30] Yeah.

[18:31] And then Bowser roasts the whole castle with his fire breath.

[18:35] Like, he doesn't need an army.

[18:36] He, like, he's like full-on Godzilla.

[18:39] It's bonkers.

Dan McCoy

[18:39] If you saw the trailer, you saw this whole scene.

[18:42] Uh-huh.

[18:42] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:43] So, in the ruins of the castle.

[18:44] Way too undercut Stu, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[18:46] Well, it's okay.

[18:46] I mean, or help the audience.

[18:49] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:50] If you want a visual, if I didn't paint a word picture for you.

[18:53] I love the idea.

[18:54] Just watch the trailer.

Elliott Kalan

[18:54] Stuart is describing everything in detail, and Dan's like, let me help you out here.

[18:57] If you saw the trailer, you've seen it.

[18:58] And the audience is like, oh, right.

[19:01] I did.

Dan McCoy

[19:01] I'm like, why don't you just go watch the movie?

[19:04] And then you'll know we're talking about that.

[19:05] Yeah, I'm going to watch the movie.

[19:06] Then we can just skip to final judgment.

[19:08] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[19:09] So, in the ruins of the ice palace, Bowser finds a glowing question mark block that he hits.

[19:17] And out of that pops a floating star that's a superstar that's supposed to give him invincible powers.

Elliott Kalan

[19:23] And it's a copy of the bootlegged, because it's not officially available, DVD, Superstar, The Carrie Carpenter Story.

[19:30] Yeah.

[19:30] Todd Haynes, a Barbie doll experimental film.

[19:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[19:34] Okay.

[19:35] So, smash cut.

[19:36] We are in Brooklyn, New York.

[19:38] And I'm like, finally, back home.

[19:40] I get to see all the sights.

[19:41] Pizza places.

Elliott Kalan

[19:42] You've been away.

[19:43] I assume you saw this in Brooklyn.

[19:45] So, it's like you were away for a couple minutes in the fantasy world.

[19:48] Now, you're back in Brooklyn.

[19:49] Now, I'm back.

Stuart Wellington

[19:50] I'm grounded again.

[19:51] So, we grounded.

[19:53] I can't leave my room.

[19:53] I'm so sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[19:54] Your parents grounded you.

[19:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[19:55] That's okay.

[19:56] I deserve it.

[19:57] So, we see the Mario.

[20:01] We get a little commercial for the Super Mario Brothers plumbing service.

[20:06] It's a little bit retro.

[20:08] It's a little bit goofy.

[20:10] Intentionally, you know, you get the parents laughing.

Elliott Kalan

[20:12] I'm a real sucker for intentionally bad commercials.

[20:16] So, this part, I was okay because I like.

[20:18] It's been done before, but I'll watch an intentionally bad public access commercial any day of the week.

Stuart Wellington

[20:25] Yeah.

[20:25] So, we're introduced to the Mario Brothers, Mario and Luigi, who are both plumbers.

[20:30] They used to work for a kind of a jerk plumber named Spike, but they have recently gone off on their own.

Dan McCoy

[20:36] Played by Sebastian Maniscalco for people who.

[20:39] Whoa.

[20:40] I have stories about that guy.

Elliott Kalan

[20:43] Star of the upcoming movie, the Sebastian Maniscalco, Robert De Niro movie.

[20:47] I don't remember the name of it.

[20:48] It's not upcoming.

[20:49] It's already out.

[20:50] Oh.

[20:50] What is it?

[20:51] Then by the time this episode comes out, it'll be passed.

[20:54] I don't fucking know.

[20:55] I don't give a shit about Sebastian Maniscalco.

[20:56] You expect me to know about movies?

Dan McCoy

[20:58] I feel like there's.

[20:58] Fuck you.

[20:59] Yeah.

[20:59] Fuck you.

[21:00] How dare you?

Elliott Kalan

[21:01] There is no better sign of how outside of the real comedy world,

[21:06] I am, even as a comedy professional.

[21:08] Then that he has a movie coming out, and that movie The Machine came out or is coming out,

[21:13] and I'm like, I'm not familiar with either of these guys.

[21:15] This is what real Americans love to laugh at, Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[21:18] Yeah, they like to laugh at a super skinny Christian Bale.

Elliott Kalan

[21:24] Yeah, that's.

[21:24] Oh, I forgot.

[21:25] So, is that The Machine?

[21:26] I didn't realize that.

[21:27] No, no.

[21:28] That's The Machinist.

[21:29] So.

[21:29] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[21:30] So, we're introduced to you.

[21:30] Hold on.

[21:31] Hold on.

[21:31] You want to talk about Spike?

[21:33] Sorry.

[21:34] Sebastian Maniscalco?

Dan McCoy

[21:35] Well, so here's the thing about.

[21:36] I want to read a description of them.

[21:37] I just want people to know that in the movie Spinning Gold, a film from 2023,

[21:44] I'm not sure whether it came out yet or not.

[21:47] Okay.

[21:48] But apparently Sebastian Maniscalco is playing Giorgio Moroder in this.

[21:52] Whoa.

[21:53] Really?

[21:54] Man, that guy's all over the place.

Stuart Wellington

[21:56] So, we like.

[21:59] Luigi's scared of everything.

[22:01] Mario is kind of an eternal fuck up.

[22:03] That will never get his life right.

[22:05] But very optimistic.

[22:06] He's very optimistic.

[22:07] You know, classic hero's journey shit.

[22:09] You know he's going to save the day.

Elliott Kalan

[22:10] Did you guys think it was necessary to have a mean plumber who can articulate, you guys

[22:16] will never make it as plumbers?

[22:18] I mean, it's because it seems entirely unnecessary.

[22:21] Like, I don't know why we need to set them up that way.

Dan McCoy

[22:24] Or the family, you know, the dad seems, you know, disappointed in them and telling them

[22:31] they will never make their dream of plumbers.

[22:33] And look.

Stuart Wellington

[22:35] It is weird to see two grown men with fucking full-ass mustaches have to be like treated like

[22:40] children.

[22:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:41] And also the fact that being a professional plumber is not that outrageous a dream.

[22:47] No.

[22:48] Yes.

[22:48] It's not like they're trying to start a rock band or anything like that.

[22:51] It's not like they're trying to be famous painters.

[22:53] You know, this is something that millions of people do as a job every day.

Stuart Wellington

[22:57] I mean, provided that you can handle your budget and that you are able to charge appropriately

[23:02] and that you don't overextend yourself as a contractor, I think you can make a pretty

Dan McCoy

[23:06] easy, not necessarily easy.

Stuart Wellington

[23:08] Not easy.

[23:09] It's hard work.

[23:09] Living.

Dan McCoy

[23:10] Yeah.

[23:10] A very stable living.

Stuart Wellington

[23:11] That's a good quality middle-class job.

[23:13] It's a good job.

[23:13] It's a job that I regularly am like, every time at the bar, I'm like, I should just go

[23:19] to fucking plumbing school or whatever.

[23:21] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:21] I mean, it would certainly help you at the bar too.

[23:23] You can just use that knowledge.

[23:23] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:23] I've learned so much plumbing shit since I've started.

[23:26] Now, how many times do you actually –

[23:27] Now, what have you learned?

Dan McCoy

[23:28] Yeah.

[23:29] Wait, what?

[23:29] Give us a plumbing thing.

[23:30] Yeah, good.

[23:31] Challenge him, Dan.

[23:32] Challenge him.

[23:32] Yeah.

[23:33] Give me a math plumbing.

[23:34] Make him back it up with facts.

[23:36] Yeah.

[23:36] Give me a plumbing fact.

[23:37] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:38] You can't just make a claim like you've learned so much shit about plumbing and not actually

[23:42] tell us one thing.

[23:43] I mean –

[23:44] How many Pinocchios are you willing to risk at this moment?

[23:47] Are you going to retract it?

Stuart Wellington

[23:49] Well, I've at least learned within my plumbing setup where air gaps need to be made, how to

[23:57] deal with clogs along the way, what's the best way to deal with a clog, how you shouldn't

[24:02] always just be using Drano and shit.

[24:04] I mean, it sounds like –

[24:05] Because that just eats away.

Elliott Kalan

[24:05] It sounds like you're ready to take it on yourself to save the borough of Brooklyn from

[24:10] a flooding sewage pipe.

[24:11] If only that were to happen.

[24:13] Falling into an adventure in a fantasy kingdom.

[24:15] Oh, that sounds like a segue.

Stuart Wellington

[24:16] So, the Mario brothers get a call.

[24:18] They have to platform their way through the city of Brooklyn before coming to a luxury high

[24:23] rise where they try and take on their first job.

[24:26] The problem is Luigi makes enemies with the dog.

[24:30] So, after quickly fixing the sink, the dog attacks them, causing a series of overflowing

[24:39] drains and destroys the bathroom.

[24:42] And they almost kill the dog in the process.

[24:43] I didn't laugh that much at any of this at the time.

[24:46] Out of the window, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[24:47] But I did chuckle remembering how disappointed the dog was in Luigi when Luigi stepped on its

[24:55] bone.

[24:55] I want to –

Elliott Kalan

[24:56] On its – like a bone treat.

[24:59] Yeah.

[24:59] Not its erect penis.

Dan McCoy

[25:00] Step back for just a second.

Elliott Kalan

[25:02] Because I think we'd all be mad at Luigi if he did that to us unless that's what I want

[25:05] to.

[25:05] Yeah, that's true.

[25:05] If you want Luigi to step on your bone, more power to you, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[25:08] As long as it's – as long as he's wearing like red bottoms or something, I'm into it.

Dan McCoy

[25:12] Yeah.

[25:13] Is Luigi wearing stilettos?

[25:15] Yeah.

[25:16] Anyway.

[25:17] No, going back a little bit.

[25:19] Was this when No Sleep Till Brooklyn played?

[25:21] Because I just want to –

[25:22] Probably.

[25:23] Call out –

[25:23] Yeah, probably.

[25:24] That there were some of the most irritating like needle dry.

[25:28] Oh, my God.

Elliott Kalan

[25:29] So, here's the story I heard about that.

[25:30] What I heard, and I'm not sure if it's true, was that this movie had a –

[25:33] Wait, wait, wait.

Stuart Wellington

[25:34] Let me – and you heard that they were like, you know what jazzed this movie up?

[25:37] Playing popular songs over the movie, and they're like, can we do that?

Elliott Kalan

[25:41] Well, what I heard was that they had an original score, and that at the relatively last minute,

[25:47] some executive said, pull it out, just put some pop songs in.

[25:50] And that's why the pop songs they use are so tired, on-the-nose, overused songs.

[25:55] And Danny Elfman's like, fuck you.

Stuart Wellington

[25:57] He's like, I'll just reuse this for another movie.

[26:01] Trent Reznor's like, fuck you, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[26:03] Yeah.

[26:04] I watched this.

[26:04] They were collaborating on this one for the first time.

[26:07] It was the two of them and John Williams.

[26:08] I'm sorry.

[26:09] It was going to be his final score.

Dan McCoy

[26:11] Yeah.

[26:11] Mr. Reznor, they just – children found your score sort of off-putting and frightening.

Elliott Kalan

[26:16] Mr. Inch Nails.

[26:18] They found it too scary.

[26:21] Okay.

[26:21] We're going to bring Danny Elfman in here, and then they go forward.

[26:24] Danny Elfman, they found your score too scary.

[26:26] Oh, okay.

[26:26] Well, bring whoever does the music for Mario Bava's movies in.

[26:30] Let's have him try the Super Mario Brothers movie.

[26:31] Goblin come and lay down a damn track.

[26:36] Oh, man.

[26:36] That would be amazing.

[26:37] And that's why they played No Sleep Till Brooklyn, which also was the worst needle drop in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 by far.

[26:43] Ooh.

[26:43] Yeah.

[26:44] They – later on, for some reason, when they get to the Donkey Kong Country, they're playing Take On Me by A-Ha, right?

[26:50] Yeah.

[26:50] A-Ha.

[26:51] Instead of fucking Tarzan Boy, get the fuck out of here.

[26:53] Yeah, and it's only, I think, because Donkey Kong wears, like, a skinny tie, and all the grills are wearing, like, blazers and skinny ties.

[27:00] That's the – and there's – when Mario's going through an obstacle course, they're playing I Need a Hero, which is hilarious because it's a sex song.

Stuart Wellington

[27:08] I got to say, if you're going to be doing this shit, these needle drops, you got to throw in fucking Jump by Van Halen.

[27:16] Not only is it thematically appropriate, but David Lee Roth basically dresses like fucking Mario.

[27:22] He wears overalls and silly hats.

[27:25] That's his thing.

[27:25] And just like Mario, he has a severe cocaine problem.

Elliott Kalan

[27:28] And also, Jump is not a song I feel like I've heard in a movie recently.

[27:32] I feel like – whereas – sorry, I said I Need a Hero.

[27:35] It's holding out for a hero.

[27:36] Whereas almost all of these – I mean, it really does feel like they just went to a disc that was labeled, now that's what I call movie needle drop music, and just tossed it in.

[27:44] But so they do No Sleep Till Brooklyn because there's no other songs about Brooklyn.

[27:47] Sorry, everybody.

[27:48] There's no other Brooklyn songs.

[27:50] That's the only one available.

Stuart Wellington

[27:51] So they get fired from their job.

[27:52] They have to go to their family.

[27:54] And let me – wait.

Elliott Kalan

[27:54] Let me say this about being fired from their job.

[27:56] Okay, go on.

[27:57] It is entirely that family's fault for not keeping their dog away from the service workers that they brought in to take care of their utilities.

[28:04] That is entirely their fault.

[28:05] Oh, weird.

Stuart Wellington

[28:05] Are you saying that like rich people treat the people who work for them poorly?

[28:09] That's weird.

[28:09] This is like the first time that's ever happened.

Elliott Kalan

[28:11] Except if that was the point of the scene, I would be like, all right.

[28:14] You got them, Super Mario Brothers movie.

[28:16] But it's supposed to be like Mario and Luigi always fucking up because when they went to fix a drain, a dog attacked them.

[28:22] Oh, boy.

[28:23] They couldn't deal with that.

[28:24] I found it was unfair.

[28:26] Unfair.

Dan McCoy

[28:26] At the risk of seeming like I'm on the other side of this class divide because like I – you know, I don't care about these made-up cartoon rich people.

[28:33] But I was watching this with dismay because like all of the marble is cracking in the place.

[28:41] Yes.

[28:42] Well, they do destroy the –

[28:43] I'm like this is going to be such an expensive repair job.

[28:46] Yeah, it's an expensive remodel.

[28:48] And I'll say this.

Elliott Kalan

[28:49] Mario and Luigi do make it worse.

[28:50] They don't handle the situation well.

[28:52] But it is a – this movie – so this is one of the most by-the-numbers generic storytelling structure movies you can imagine.

[28:59] My kids loved it.

[29:00] As soon as this was over, they said, that's our favorite movie.

[29:03] And I took it and I said to them –

[29:03] You're like, more slop, please.

[29:05] And I said to them, I've seen this movie.

[29:08] I've only seen it once, but I've seen this movie a million times at this point.

[29:12] So it's like the heroes have got to be kind of – nobody believes in them.

[29:16] They've done no luck, but they have faith in themselves.

[29:18] Then a thing happens.

[29:19] We have to show that they know what they're doing, but they're somehow still incompetent, so they're not going to succeed.

[29:23] They need to be tested.

[29:25] And it feels very –

Dan McCoy

[29:25] They have to save a cat or in this case a dog from falling from them.

Elliott Kalan

[29:28] In this case save a dog for sure.

[29:30] And it's – and the – to be honest, the customers that they're fixing, they're people of color, right?

[29:37] So it establishes the rule that screenwriting guru Matt Bird pointed out on his website years ago that I never noticed where.

[29:44] To show that a character is your hero, you have them be friendly with a black person early on during a movie.

[29:49] And like both Silence of the Lambs and 40-year-old Virgin do this right away.

[29:54] So it's a – so they've been established by the rules.

[29:56] One of many similarities between those two movies.

[29:58] Yeah.

[29:59] That they're – but it just feels like this movie is just hitting the – it's hitting all the beats.

[30:05] Yes.

[30:05] Like you're hitting a block with your head so a coin comes out.

[30:08] But there's no originality to it to put it in French.

Stuart Wellington

[30:12] Yeah.

[30:13] So we are introduced to Mario and Luigi's extended stereotypical Italian family where they are given a large Italian meal that does feature mushrooms, which Mario hates.

[30:26] Isn't that hilarious, guys?

[30:27] You like that shit?

[30:28] Because he's going to have –

[30:29] I did like it when I saw it in Popeye, the Robert Altman film.

Elliott Kalan

[30:34] So this is one of many ways that Super Mario Brothers rips off Robert Altman's work.

[30:39] There's a whole sequence later that is lifted directly from three women.

[30:42] And I was like, really?

[30:43] You think you can get away with this?

[30:45] This is crazy.

Dan McCoy

[30:46] The way they had all the voice actors in one room sort of just improvising their lines.

[30:51] Yeah.

[30:52] And they would have –

[30:53] And Mario gets gunned down in the snow.

Stuart Wellington

[30:56] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:57] Just periodic narration from a bird expert who's slowly turning into a bird throughout the movie.

[31:03] They're just – they're ripping off – you remember when OC showed up and then later, of course, Stiggs.

Stuart Wellington

[31:07] They're just ripping off Robert Altman left and right.

[31:09] Yeah, that's crazy.

[31:11] Okay.

[31:12] So Mario dejected from the ribbing he takes from his family and the forced mushroom meal he's supposed to eat goes to his bedroom to play –

[31:22] He's a grown man.

Stuart Wellington

[31:22] He can eat around the mushrooms.

[31:24] He goes to play video games in a bedroom that, again, does not look like a grown man's bedroom.

[31:28] He is a large child with a mustache.

[31:30] And his body's – like the way his body's designed kind of follows that logic.

Elliott Kalan

[31:35] Is it possible that they are children with mustaches and not grown adults?

[31:40] I mean everything –

[31:41] They don't go to school and they have jobs.

[31:42] Signs point to yes.

[31:43] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:44] I want to stop for a second because we're about to go to the mushroom kingdom and say that –

[31:50] Oh, do I need to pack a bag?

[31:53] Do I need to exchange my currency?

[31:54] Don't pack mushrooms though because they have a bunch of them there already.

Stuart Wellington

[31:56] So you should have some kind of a guide to hold your phone because you're going to be tripping balls.

Dan McCoy

[32:01] You're going to want to pack your frog suit, your tanuki suit.

Elliott Kalan

[32:06] Oh, my tanuki suit's at the cleaners.

[32:08] Can I get one there or is it going to be super expensive?

[32:10] Also, should I change dollars to mush bucks before I go?

[32:14] I think you use coins, dude.

[32:16] Oh, it's all coins.

[32:17] Oh, that's right.

[32:17] It's all coins.

[32:17] It's so cumbersome.

[32:18] You got to carry coins everywhere.

Dan McCoy

[32:20] Before we go over the rainbow to the fantasy world.

[32:23] Now I'm imagining –

Elliott Kalan

[32:23] Wait, coming back from the mushroom kingdom through customs to here and then being like,

[32:27] did you bring any flora or fauna in?

[32:29] No, no, nothing like that.

[32:31] Well, let's just have the dog sniff it and the dog sniffs it.

[32:34] Open up your bag, sir.

[32:35] Is that a fire flower in your bag?

[32:37] How did that get in there?

[32:39] I was going to –

[32:40] You know what?

[32:41] If I had known that I was in there, I was going to report it.

[32:43] You know it's illegal to have in this dimension because it's a flower that gives you the ability to throw fireballs out of your hands?

[32:49] And I go, but what about my Second Amendment rights?

[32:51] Because, Dan, remember, I'm all into conservative stuff.

[32:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:55] This is a callback.

[32:55] I get it.

[32:56] Anyway.

[32:56] It's consistent with your character growth.

[32:59] No, I just want to say before we go to the meat of this movie, which is the stuff that happens –

[33:06] But it's mushroom meat.

[33:07] It's fake meat made out of mushrooms.

[33:08] Yes.

[33:09] It's a portobello burger that you've ordered.

[33:13] I don't want to tip my hand too much.

[33:15] Like, while I found this film sort of consistently inoffensive, except in one big way that I will explain once we get to final judgments.

[33:27] The blackface scene?

[33:28] No, I mean, it's more conceptually offensive to me just as a piece of product.

[33:34] Oh, I see.

[33:34] I see.

Elliott Kalan

[33:34] But, you know, I will tip my hand.

[33:36] The scene where Mario does the Sammy Davis Jr. impression didn't bother you.

Stuart Wellington

[33:39] No.

[33:39] He thought of – you know, it was a different time.

Dan McCoy

[33:42] While there is nothing – while I did not like this movie that much overall, the parts I liked the most, honestly, was before they went to the Mushroom Kingdom.

[33:51] Because, in part, I think that Mario and Luigi have a good rapport.

[33:58] There is some small effort to make you understand who they are to one another in a way that none of the – like, they don't even get that much of a character.

[34:12] Like, you're just expecting to be like, oh, those are my friends Mario and Luigi.

[34:15] I know their deal.

[34:15] Like, but no one else in the movie has any real character or any explanation about, like, why they have a relationship to Mario or why Mario has a relationship to them or their attitudes, why they change to one another.

[34:29] Like, it is, like, so –

Elliott Kalan

[34:31] I mean, are you referring to almost the fact that Mario literally kind of stumbles onto Toad in the forest as soon as he gets lost in it?

[34:36] And Toad is like, I'm your best friend.

[34:38] I show you around and I do everything with you.

[34:40] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:42] Maybe Toad's one of those people who, like, he finds people in crisis and latches onto them and helps them through it because that's a way for Toad to avoid his own problems.

[34:51] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[34:52] Certainly in the spinoff, that's how it's ended.

Stuart Wellington

[34:54] I feel like you get a lot of that out of Keegan-Michael Key's performance.

Dan McCoy

[34:59] Do you think he was – was he pitched up or something?

[35:01] Like, or do you think that was all Keegan-Michael Key?

[35:04] Yeah, that was all in the voice box.

[35:06] That was a pretty good voice.

[35:08] Yeah, it was a pretty good voice.

[35:09] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[35:10] Elliot's lost in the sauce right now.

[35:13] So we –

[35:13] No, I just didn't have anything to say about it.

Elliott Kalan

[35:15] He's a very talented performer.

Stuart Wellington

[35:18] So we – Mario and Luigi find out that there is a massive plumbing leak in Brooklyn and the city is about to, I don't know, sink.

[35:26] So they rush downtown.

[35:28] They pop open a manhole cover.

[35:31] They go down into the sewer system.

[35:33] They find an abandoned section of the sewer system.

Elliott Kalan

[35:36] This is a municipal plumbing problem.

[35:38] This is dealing with pipes that are so far beyond their scale and the scope of what they're doing.

[35:42] The idea that they're going to go and save the day and they don't tell anybody they're going to do it, that they're just going to anonymously jump down a flooded sewer pipe and they're going to die essentially.

[35:51] That's what makes them a hero, Elliot.

[35:53] Yeah, yeah.

[35:53] Put that in the film flub section.

[35:57] Not an accurate reflection of plumbing, says Elliot Taylor.

[36:00] It's a foolish thing to do to just be like, you know what?

[36:04] There's this huge problem.

[36:05] All of Brooklyn is flooding.

[36:07] Something that they never explain, right?

[36:09] It's not related to the plot.

[36:10] It's just a thing that's happening.

[36:11] And they're like, you know who can handle it?

Stuart Wellington

[36:13] I mean what's happening is that Brooklyn is getting overdeveloped and the infrastructure isn't able to support it.

[36:19] And so it's causing a lot of plumbing issues.

[36:21] I can tell from personal experience that this has been the case.

[36:23] Yeah, you learned a lot about plumbing.

[36:25] They learned a shitload about plumbing.

[36:27] Yeah.

[36:27] So they find an unused kind of undisturbed section of a sewer dungeon and they find a giant green pipe that sucks both of them into a magical fantasy world.

Elliott Kalan

[36:40] This raises so many questions about how the New York sewer system, which according to this movie, goes down for stories and stories beneath New York.

[36:50] But also, so it's like, and Mario goes, looks like no one has been around here for years, which it doesn't.

[36:55] It looks the same as all the, like, they should have cobwebbed it up.

[36:58] It does look the same.

[36:58] Yeah.

[36:59] They didn't put like dust or anything on it.

[37:03] But it just raises the question of why is this pipe here?

[37:07] You know, not that I need all the backstory.

Dan McCoy

[37:08] This is the first and in many ways, like the least egregious example, but there are like so many of them in the movie that I feel like we should get it over with now.

[37:18] Like.

Dan McCoy

[37:19] Of pipes?

[37:20] The movie does not explain anything.

[37:23] And I don't want to go into like this Alita Battle Angel idea where like, I love backstory.

[37:29] Dan loves backstory.

[37:30] Backstory McCoy.

[37:31] In a certain way, like, this confounded my brain, this movie, because like in a certain way, I'm like, I don't, God knows I don't want explanations for everything.

[37:40] Yeah.

[37:41] But at the same time, this movie's steadfast refusal to give a reason for anything other than like, that's the way it was in the video game.

[37:50] Yeah.

[37:51] Becomes maddening over time.

[37:53] Like, I have no idea how someone who has no, who had no like connection to the games would take any of this.

Elliott Kalan

[38:01] I'll tell you, Dan, because I brought two of them to see it.

[38:03] They loved it.

[38:04] They loved every aspect of it.

[38:05] They've never played Mario games before?

[38:07] Very basically.

[38:08] They played Mario Kart, but like, I don't, they don't know all the ins and outs of the, of the mythology of the games or whatever.

[38:14] Well, there's not much.

[38:16] No, that's true.

[38:16] But it's working on, I think, you could say the movie is working on kind of like a children's magic level.

[38:22] I do admire the movie didn't come up with a lot of BS, techno science garbage about, oh, or like fantasy backstory epic stuff.

[38:30] But it does feel like the movie, it feels less like the movie is making a deliberate choice to not be encumbered by that.

[38:36] And more that it's just kind of lazy, that it's just kind of like, yeah, it's in the game.

[38:39] You get the deal, right?

[38:41] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[38:42] Like this movie is the exact basic model of what you would expect from a supermarket.

[38:47] Like you did not buy any of the add-ons.

[38:50] You're like, I just want what was in the game, man.

[38:53] No DLC.

[38:55] And my big objection to this film is like, well, then why don't I just go play the fucking game where I get to control Mario?

[39:01] Why am I watching this thing that adds nothing?

Elliott Kalan

[39:04] That is the question is, at a certain point, it's like the movie, it's like sitting and watching your friend play a game.

[39:10] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[39:10] Or like the first hour of any Hideo Kojima game.

[39:14] Where you're like, okay, I guess I got to learn all this shit.

[39:17] It's all demos and stuff.

[39:18] Finally, I get to play.

Dan McCoy

[39:18] Oh, another cutscene.

[39:20] I'll stop, I'll stop torturing Stuart and shut up so he can continue this.

Elliott Kalan

[39:23] But I think that's the thing that this movie is both its strength and its weakness.

[39:27] Its strength as a piece of merchandise is that it is such a replication of the general sense of playing the game but without you having to do anything.

[39:37] And it adds nothing.

[39:38] And it doesn't bother you with details.

[39:40] And that's also the flaw as a story is that nothing makes sense.

[39:44] There's no reason for anything.

[39:45] The characters are flat.

[39:47] It's not like fun.

[39:48] Well, they're 3D.

[39:49] There's no point to it.

[39:50] Sorry, yeah.

[39:51] They're 3D rendered.

[39:52] I apologize.

Stuart Wellington

[39:53] If they were flat, I feel like some people would have preferred it.

[39:55] So, yeah, they go down into the warrens of the sewer system.

[39:59] It looks like something you would find under a police station in Raccoon City.

[40:03] They find a green pipe that sucks them into a magical fantasy world.

[40:06] While they're flying through the air, they see all such sights and clouds and wonders before being separated.

[40:12] Unfortunately, Mario lands in a place called the Mushroom Kingdom, which is basically a fantasy land covered in giant mushrooms and populated by, I guess, people that are mushrooms, which is kind of wild.

[40:25] Not as cool as the cactus people in China, Mievel's Boss Log Trilogy, but that's something else to talk about entirely.

[40:30] Or the cactus people in Super Mario Bros. 3.

[40:32] That's true.

[40:33] I wonder if the cactus people in Super Mario Bros. 3 are similar to the cactus people in the Boss Log Trilogy.

Elliott Kalan

[40:38] You've got to assume so.

[40:38] This is another thing where I don't think it's ever explained why there's one human woman in the Mushroom Kingdom and everyone else is mushrooms.

Dan McCoy

[40:44] Well, I mean, they kind of actually talk about the mystery of it.

[40:48] Not.

Dan McCoy

[40:48] Like, she calls Mario a human, and then we don't know exactly where she came from.

[40:53] Although it is wild that, like, I don't know, it has this unintended—

Stuart Wellington

[40:57] Their anatomy is different enough that you're like, is that—

[41:01] Could they do it?

[41:01] Yeah, is that golden retriever and that chihuahua, are they the same animal?

Dan McCoy

[41:07] I do think that there's an unintended sort of, like, weird racial message to this movie where—

[41:14] Oh, of course.

[41:15] Very much so.

[41:16] Like, Mario shows up and immediately, like, Toad is like, you're my—like, he wants to serve him because, like, he's a human.

[41:23] And also, Princess Peach, you know, when we hear about her later on, she's like, yeah, I came in from this other portal as a baby, and they raised me.

[41:33] And eventually they made me their queen.

[41:34] Yeah, yeah, a real fucking Deja Doris situation.

Elliott Kalan

[41:38] And also that when she's like, I have to go on this mission, Mario, you're another human.

[41:42] You'll come with me, right?

[41:43] Like, there is this—there is a horrible kind of, like, yeah, white savior of a foreign land kind of Tarzan aspect to all this.

[41:52] Although it's possible that she is not a human, but a Mangaboo, the plant people from the Oz books.

[41:57] It's true.

[41:58] Maybe she's the missing link between mushroom and human.

Dan McCoy

[42:01] Yeah, but among the many things that are not explained, like, the way that everyone rallies around Mario as soon as he shows up and treats him like the best guy in the world and, like, our savior is wild.

Elliott Kalan

[42:12] He has such protagonist physics around him where the story warps itself around him.

[42:17] And the fact that Pinch of Speech is like, I have this desperate mission.

[42:20] And Mario goes, I'll prove I can go on it.

[42:22] And then he runs through an obstacle course for, like, a day and a half.

[42:25] And it's like, at no point was Speech like, uh, maybe I could just go because Bowser's coming and he's destroying everything.

[42:30] Apparently I'm really good at this.

Stuart Wellington

[42:32] So I can do it on my own.

[42:34] They probably edited out the sequence where Mario gets super upset.

[42:37] He throws his controller across the room.

Elliott Kalan

[42:39] And then his mom is like, well, just stop playing.

[42:42] And he goes, no, I like it.

[42:44] She goes, well, it doesn't seem to like you like it.

[42:45] You're just getting mad.

[42:47] So this is not just the only movie where there's a kind of incompetent guy who is instantly coded as the hero even though he is a female sidekick who is more competent and better than him.

[43:01] Chris Pratt's in, like, a million movies like that.

[43:03] It's not even the only animated version.

[43:05] It's not even the only animated version where Chris Pratt is that guy.

[43:08] So what's going on here?

Stuart Wellington

[43:08] Do you think that's what the Garfield movie – isn't he going to be Garfield in the movie?

[43:12] Is he going to be Garfield?

Dan McCoy

[43:14] I think he gets first crack at every animated character.

[43:16] Your birthday twin?

[43:16] Yeah.

[43:16] Dan's birthday twin Garfield.

[43:18] Yeah, we're recording this the day after my birthday.

[43:20] Absolutely.

[43:21] Such Gemini behavior coming off of Garfield.

[43:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:24] Chris Pratt's going to – he gets first crack.

[43:26] So he's going to be Garfield.

[43:27] He's going to be Papa Smurf.

[43:28] He's going to be all the snorks.

[43:30] He's going to be Lion-O in the Thundercats movie.

[43:33] He's going to be –

Stuart Wellington

[43:34] We already talked about which Smurf we'd be if we were Smurfs, right?

[43:39] Yeah, Vanity, the sexy one.

Elliott Kalan

[43:41] We'd all be Vanity Smurf.

[43:43] Yeah, three Vanity Smurfs.

[43:44] You'd be Vanity.

Dan McCoy

[43:48] Is there a grumpy one?

[43:49] Probably the grumpy one.

[43:49] I'm sure there's a grumpy one.

[43:51] Yes.

[43:51] Yeah.

[43:52] Sleepy?

[43:53] Is there a sleep?

Stuart Wellington

[43:54] There is, yeah.

[43:56] He's got a little nightcap already on his head.

[43:58] Okay.

[43:59] They all do.

[44:00] Mario bumps into Toad.

[44:01] Toad's like – Toad's a little mushroom guy.

[44:04] He talks a lot, voiced by Keegan-Michael Key, and he explains that Luigi is most likely in the Dark Lands.

[44:10] They need the princess to find him.

[44:11] Unfortunately, Toad is 100% correct.

[44:14] Luigi has landed in the Dark Lands, which is very spooky, filled with lava and twisted broken trees.

[44:20] And dry bones.

[44:21] And a bunch of dry bones, which are like bone turtles.

[44:24] He runs away from them.

[44:26] Somehow manages to get over the river of lava into a haunted mansion, just like the game of his namesake.

Elliott Kalan

[44:34] And this was literally when my four-year-old turned to me and said, he's in Luigi's Haunted Mansion.

[44:39] So, again, hitting exactly what a four-year-old wants out of this movie, which is recognizable Easter eggs.

[44:42] And did you give him a high five or did you give him an eye roll?

Stuart Wellington

[44:46] I gave him both at the same time.

[44:49] And he thinks he's safe.

[44:50] Unfortunately, that haunted mansion is filled with shy guys, which are like little guys with masks on.

[44:56] Because they're shy.

[44:56] His goose is cooked.

[44:57] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[44:58] They genuinely have a great design.

Stuart Wellington

[44:59] Mario and Toad.

[45:01] Yeah.

[45:01] I mean, there's a reason why this stuff has lasted as long as it has.

[45:05] It's because the design.

[45:07] Well, let's – like the movie – let's – the movie looks good, although that doesn't –

Dan McCoy

[45:12] I think it does.

[45:13] I think it does.

Elliott Kalan

[45:14] I don't think it looks bad, but it's not like it looks –

[45:16] Dan just said better than Spider-Verse.

[45:17] Hold on.

[45:17] Let me get to where –

[45:19] What?

[45:19] Dan said only Spider-Verse showed the artistic ambition of the Super Mario Brothers movie.

Dan McCoy

[45:24] Hold on.

[45:25] We may be going the same place, Elliot.

[45:28] Hell.

[45:28] I know we are.

[45:29] Both of us.

[45:30] Yeah.

[45:30] It looks good in that like it's got like the cute Mario designs.

[45:35] It's got bright colors.

[45:37] Like it's diverting to look at.

[45:39] But even that, like I'm not impressed by because it is a CGI cartoon movie about cartoon computer video game characters.

Elliott Kalan

[45:48] I think the best you can say about it is that they do a really good job of extrapolating even more from the look of the game to what other things would look like if they were in that game.

[45:57] It feels very on model.

[45:59] And I mean considering we did a whole live show, I hope our audience enjoyed it, about the old Super Mario Brothers movie, which is defiantly off model in every way from the characters.

[46:07] And I'm not saying they should go in that direction because I think that's also – I think for a kid's movie about Mario Brothers, this is clearly the better way to go as shown by the fact that it made a billion dollars and the other one did not.

[46:19] But it's still a – as a work of anything other than just IP management.

[46:26] Brand extension.

[46:27] Brand extension.

[46:27] There's nothing going on.

[46:29] So maybe if there had been one full frontal scene of Mario or Luigi, it would have challenged the viewer a little bit.

[46:35] Make it the European version.

[46:37] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:37] Weirdly –

[46:38] It would have lost their fucking minds if it was Luigi.

Stuart Wellington

[46:40] Mario's penis is long while Luigi's is short.

[46:43] Short and fat.

[46:45] You got a shoehorn that thing in there.

[46:48] It's called symmetry.

Elliott Kalan

[46:50] It's what classic art historians would call contrapposto.

Stuart Wellington

[46:58] Oh, man.

[46:59] Elliot's being so fuseli.

[47:03] So Mario and Toad arrive at the capital of the Mushroom Kingdom.

[47:08] They have to platform their way through town.

[47:11] And there's, you know, filled with little Easter egg jokes about old Nintendo garbage.

[47:16] Yeah.

[47:16] They fly around on blocks.

[47:19] They do all kinds of shit.

[47:21] They go through pipes.

[47:21] It's a very inefficient way to get through town.

[47:23] Very inefficient.

[47:24] Yeah.

[47:25] Yeah, that's the kind of open walking spaces that American cities don't want.

[47:30] Elliot's like invested on monorail.

Elliott Kalan

[47:33] And just better signage would help, too.

[47:35] It's hard to know where pipes go.

Stuart Wellington

[47:37] They get to the castle.

[47:40] The palace guards don't want them to come in,

[47:42] so they have to get through using a mixture of trickery and running.

Elliott Kalan

[47:48] Meanwhile, Princess Peach –

[47:49] I did like the moment where Toad takes out a knife

[47:51] and then just proceeds to cook them a meal to keep them busy.

[47:54] That's a distraction.

Stuart Wellington

[47:55] Meanwhile, Princess Peach is having some kind of like an audience

[47:58] with her various, I guess, land-holding nobles.

Elliott Kalan

[48:02] Yeah, they're the boyars of the Mushroom Kingdom.

Stuart Wellington

[48:07] They pull out – they have this like 3D model table.

[48:11] Like it's kind of – I wasn't a fan of this part.

[48:13] But they have like a 3D model table that shows Bowser's progress

[48:18] now that he has defeated the Ice People and how he's on his way

[48:21] and he's going to destroy the Mushroom Kingdom.

[48:24] It's bad news.

[48:25] So the Princess Peach decides, oh, I have to go to Donkey Kong Country

[48:30] to go get these gorillas to join us.

[48:34] And they're like, I don't think that's going to work.

[48:35] She's like, I got to make it happen.

[48:37] So as she's leaving, she bumps into Mario and Mario's like, I'll help you.

[48:40] And she's like, fuck it, whatever.

[48:42] But you have to go through this obstacle course first.

[48:44] And he's like, as long as you're a play holding out for a hero.

Elliott Kalan

[48:46] What, am I going to bring a bunch of mushrooms with me?

[48:49] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[48:50] Go on.

[48:51] This obstacle course thing is a part where the movie,

[48:55] which has already resembled the game,

[48:57] like totally literalizes the game.

[49:00] Like she manifests some platformer platforms

[49:03] and those spinning movie traps and whatnot.

Stuart Wellington

[49:07] And a restart upon death mechanic.

Dan McCoy

[49:09] Yeah.

[49:10] And you're like, this is kind of a roguelike.

[49:12] Does his progress get saved at all?

[49:14] I mean, if this turned into an inception sort of thing,

[49:17] where like it was just like an infinite regressive,

[49:19] like smaller and smaller.

[49:20] So within the obstacle course,

Elliott Kalan

[49:22] he then has to do a smaller obstacle course.

Dan McCoy

[49:23] Yeah.

[49:24] Maybe I would like that.

[49:26] But otherwise this infuriated me.

[49:28] Because I'm like, I guess we're giving up, movie.

Elliott Kalan

[49:30] He's just playing the game.

[49:32] I mean, aside from her saying,

[49:33] the only way they could make it more is if she was like,

[49:35] first you'll have to play a mini game to prove yourself.

[49:38] You know.

[49:38] But you know what?

[49:40] But it means we get holding out for a hero, a song.

[49:42] We get holding out for a hero.

[49:43] Which implies that Peach is testing him to see if he will be as good a battle mate

[49:48] as he will be a bed mate.

Stuart Wellington

[49:50] Yeah.

[49:50] So we, before Mario goes through the obstacle course,

[49:55] we first see Peach do it.

[49:57] And of course she does it perfectly.

[49:59] No flaws.

[50:00] A hundred percent.

[50:01] She's amazing.

[50:02] Ten even from the Russian judge.

[50:03] And they're very difficult.

[50:04] Yeah.

[50:04] And it's one of those things where I'm like,

[50:06] I guess, I mean,

[50:07] were we supposed to assume she was going to do this?

[50:09] Is this like the granny in Space Jam 2 that suddenly beats everybody up?

[50:14] But she's amazing at it.

[50:16] Mario, however, not so much.

[50:17] Even after he has to eat,

[50:19] she explains he has to eat these magic mushrooms,

[50:21] which he's like,

[50:22] I don't know if my tummy's going to handle this.

Elliott Kalan

[50:24] Now, what if,

[50:24] now let me,

[50:25] let me,

[50:26] let's just think about this here.

[50:27] What if instead of them being regular Mario game mushrooms,

[50:29] they were magic mushrooms,

[50:31] and Mario was just hallucinating his way through the rest of the movie.

[50:35] In order to make it to Bowser,

[50:37] we're going to have to pass through the doors of perception.

Dan McCoy

[50:40] Yeah.

[50:40] I defeated Bowser.

[50:42] Mario,

[50:42] you're,

[50:42] you've been lying on the,

[50:44] on the ground.

[50:45] Yeah, you're rolling around in this beanbag chair.

[50:47] Yeah, you're just,

[50:48] you're just covered in your own vomit, Mario.

Stuart Wellington

[50:49] While I played Tekken for four hours.

[50:53] Yeah.

[50:53] Yeah, so Mario eventually gets through this.

[50:56] Mario's just,

Elliott Kalan

[50:57] Mario's just having the most intense ayahuasca experience.

[51:00] He's going through all of his past regrets.

[51:02] His,

[51:02] his family are turning into obstacles for him to get through.

[51:05] Yeah, it could happen.

[51:06] Sure.

[51:06] Well,

[51:07] Oh yeah, Mario was afraid.

Dan McCoy

[51:08] The Mushroom Kingdom fell,

[51:09] but at least you've resolved your emotional issues.

Elliott Kalan

[51:12] Yeah,

[51:12] now what do I do with this bucket of shit and vomit that the shaman left me with?

[51:17] Oh yeah,

[51:17] you can just pour that anywhere.

[51:18] The Mushroom Kingdom has fallen.

[51:20] No one cares.

Stuart Wellington

[51:21] Yeah,

[51:21] this is around,

[51:23] this,

[51:23] this is the point in my notes for the movie that I wrote.

[51:26] I don't like movies anymore.

[51:29] Okay,

[51:30] so we now cut to Bowser.

[51:33] Bowser's back in the,

[51:34] uh,

[51:35] back with his buddies.

[51:36] Uh,

[51:37] he has like a little wizard Koopa that helps him do stuff.

[51:40] That's Kamek,

[51:41] the Koopa sorcerer.

[51:42] Yeah.

[51:42] They,

[51:43] uh,

[51:43] he explains that his plan is to go to the Mushroom Kingdom and you're like,

[51:48] to destroy it.

[51:48] And it's like,

[51:49] nope,

[51:50] he wants to propose to Princess Peach to marry him.

[51:54] Otherwise he'll destroy,

[51:56] destroy the Mushroom Kingdom.

[51:57] And you're like,

[51:57] oh wow,

[51:58] this guy's got layers.

[51:59] I get it.

[52:00] Uh,

[52:01] wow.

[52:01] It's just,

Elliott Kalan

[52:01] but it's just another form of toxic masculinity.

[52:04] Bowser,

[52:05] just because you're into Peach does not,

[52:06] does not mean that,

[52:07] does not mean that she's into you.

[52:09] Yeah.

[52:09] Come on.

Stuart Wellington

[52:10] Yeah,

[52:10] yeah.

[52:10] Thank you.

[52:11] Thanks LA for explaining the villain is bad.

Elliott Kalan

[52:14] I just want to make sure people know that sometimes there are characters who are the bad guys.

[52:18] I mean,

[52:18] they do things the movie is saying that's not the right thing to do.

[52:21] To be fair,

Dan McCoy

[52:21] you did frame it,

[52:23] Stuart,

[52:24] as if this meant that Bowser had layers.

[52:26] That's true.

[52:26] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:27] Yeah.

[52:27] He's a bad guy for more than one reason.

[52:29] Oh,

[52:29] I see.

[52:31] He also tips poorly.

[52:33] Is that,

Elliott Kalan

[52:33] is that canon in the film?

[52:34] I don't remember that part.

Stuart Wellington

[52:35] It is canon in the film.

[52:36] You know who doesn't tip poorly?

[52:38] Wario,

[52:38] because Wario rules.

[52:40] He's not covered in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[52:42] But the thing is,

[52:42] the thing is,

[52:43] Wario tips great,

[52:44] but it's not his money.

[52:45] So he doesn't care what he does with it.

[52:46] I know.

Stuart Wellington

[52:47] That's what's so cool about him.

[52:49] It's nobody's money,

[52:50] dude.

[52:52] It's a figment of your imagination,

[52:53] buddy.

[52:54] Wait,

[52:54] what?

[52:55] It's a collective,

[52:56] money is just this collective bullshit where we all kind of put this implied value on it.

[53:01] Yeah,

[53:01] but that doesn't mean no one owns any of it.

Elliott Kalan

[53:04] You can,

[53:04] you can own things that people have invented just because it's invented things doesn't mean it's not real.

[53:08] That's what I'm saying.

[53:09] Hey man,

[53:09] refrigerators are just this thing we agreed to create to keep food cold.

[53:14] They're not real,

[53:15] man.

[53:16] And you don't own them.

Dan McCoy

[53:17] I'm going to take yours,

[53:17] okay?

Elliott Kalan

[53:20] I guess that makes sense.

[53:22] If it's not a real thing,

[53:23] then.

Dan McCoy

[53:23] Cool.

[53:24] Could you stock it up before I cart it off?

Elliott Kalan

[53:26] Hey man,

[53:27] Tom Stoppers,

[53:28] the real thing is just,

[53:29] it's not real.

[53:30] It's just an imaginary situation that people pretend to act out.

[53:34] So I'm going to take your tickets.

[53:35] Okay.

[53:36] All right.

[53:36] I guess so.

Stuart Wellington

[53:37] And that was inspired by the Faith No More album,

[53:40] right?

[53:40] Yeah,

[53:40] yeah,

[53:41] sure.

[53:41] Yeah,

[53:41] of course.

[53:42] I mean,

[53:42] it probably features a midlife crisis.

Elliott Kalan

[53:44] Okay.

[53:44] The Faith No More album that I assume was inspired by the Ray Charles Pepsi slogan?

Stuart Wellington

[53:49] What was it,

[53:50] Coke?

[53:51] Who did he shill for?

Dan McCoy

[53:52] I don't remember.

[53:54] Okay.

[53:55] Which one was the real thing?

[53:56] You got,

[53:56] I don't know,

[53:57] but you got it,

[53:57] baby.

[53:58] Yeah,

[53:58] just double check.

Elliott Kalan

[53:59] Oh no,

[53:59] that was the right one,

[54:00] right?

[54:00] You got the right one.

Dan McCoy

[54:02] Oh.

[54:03] You should let the right one in.

Elliott Kalan

[54:04] That was when Ray Charles said,

[54:05] let the right one in,

[54:06] baby.

[54:07] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[54:08] If a Coke and a Pepsi show up,

[54:10] one of them is going to suck your blood.

[54:12] Hit the road,

[54:13] Jack.

Elliott Kalan

[54:13] Sure.

[54:14] Don't let the teenage vampire into your house.

[54:16] That's what he says,

[54:17] yeah.

Dan McCoy

[54:18] Well,

[54:19] do you guys remember the part?

Elliott Kalan

[54:22] Stuart doesn't like being the headmaster.

[54:27] Yeah,

[54:27] Stuart likes to be the naughty kid.

[54:28] He doesn't like to be the one laying down the law.

Stuart Wellington

[54:30] No,

[54:31] no,

[54:31] I'm loving it.

[54:32] This is great.

[54:33] Stuart is judge shredding having to enforce the rules.

Dan McCoy

[54:37] Judge shredding.

Stuart Wellington

[54:38] So,

[54:38] meanwhile,

[54:40] our buddy Luigi is being loaded onto some kind of an airship by shy guys.

[54:45] He,

[54:45] he stares off into the middle distance and has a flashback.

[54:49] where he and Mario are babies looking basically identical with no mustaches,

[54:53] but similar outfits.

[54:55] And I guess Mario sticks up for Luigi.

[54:57] He's being a real bitch.

[54:59] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[55:01] That's a rough thing.

[55:03] Luigi is being bullied and Mario sticks up for him.

[55:05] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[55:06] Yeah.

[55:07] Yeah.

[55:07] So,

[55:08] Mario,

[55:10] Peach,

[55:10] and Toad all set off through the Mushroom Kingdom.

[55:13] We get a little,

[55:14] like a little bit of a travel montage.

[55:17] Bowser then sings a love song to Peach on a floating platform with a piano.

[55:21] And it is very much like a,

[55:23] Hey,

[55:23] Jack Black,

[55:23] do a single take on a song you have not written for this movie.

[55:28] And he's like,

[55:28] sure thing.

[55:29] And you know what?

[55:30] It's pretty,

[55:31] still pretty good.

[55:31] Yeah.

[55:32] Best thing in the movie.

[55:33] Yeah.

[55:34] Okay.

[55:34] Peach and Mario,

[55:36] uh,

[55:37] discover,

[55:37] you know,

[55:37] they have a little bit of a connection.

[55:39] Uh,

[55:40] and we learned that.

[55:40] Do they?

[55:41] And what is that connection?

[55:42] Other than being the only humans in the world.

[55:44] They're both humans.

[55:45] And that,

[55:46] uh,

[55:46] Mario wants to be good at stuff,

[55:48] even though he's not.

[55:49] And Peach is good at everything and accepts that Mario is okay.

[55:53] And she,

[55:55] uh,

[55:55] can touch a flower and it gives her fireball throwing powers.

[55:59] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[55:59] So that's what they,

[56:00] that's what they,

[56:01] their connection is.

Stuart Wellington

[56:02] She feels like an outsider because she just showed up in the Mushroom Kingdom and then became,

[56:07] uh,

[56:08] the princess.

[56:09] Mm-hmm.

[56:10] Yeah.

[56:11] I,

[56:12] look,

Dan McCoy

[56:14] I'm looking.

[56:15] What am I saying?

[56:16] Is she elected princess?

[56:17] I have a couple of very close friends.

Elliott Kalan

[56:19] Much like Amidala,

[56:19] I think she's elected princess.

[56:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:21] Okay.

[56:22] I have a couple of very close friends who I,

[56:24] Congratulations.

[56:25] Thank you.

[56:26] Um,

[56:27] who I love very much and usually I agree with on things.

[56:30] But one of the things they talked about was,

[56:33] they,

[56:33] they liked this movie.

[56:34] And one of the things they talked about,

[56:35] they're like,

[56:36] look,

[56:36] man,

[56:36] like they're not,

[56:37] they didn't,

[56:38] I like that they didn't try and make it,

[56:39] more.

[56:40] Like it was just,

[56:42] like it was,

[56:42] it was the games,

[56:43] you know?

[56:44] Like,

[56:44] like you got the,

[56:45] you got it,

[56:45] you got what you wanted.

[56:46] And I'm like,

[56:48] okay,

[56:48] but what is that?

[56:50] When you look at the Mario Brothers games,

[56:53] like,

[56:53] I love them,

[56:54] I love them,

Dan McCoy

[56:54] they're cute,

[56:55] they're fun to play.

[56:57] You know,

[56:57] like.

[56:57] It's the genius of Shigeru Miyamoto,

[56:59] you know?

[57:00] Yeah.

[57:00] They're really well designed games.

[57:02] But there's no,

[57:03] there's no,

[57:03] there's nothing to adapt there.

[57:05] There's no character.

[57:06] Mario doesn't have a character.

[57:08] He says,

[57:08] he says,

[57:09] it's a me,

[57:10] and then tells you that it is him,

[57:12] Mario.

[57:13] And that's about as much character development as he,

[57:15] he has a job.

[57:16] He's self-actualized.

[57:18] I do.

[57:18] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[57:19] yeah,

[57:19] I think it's,

[57:21] yeah,

[57:21] I think what you're saying,

[57:22] if I can,

[57:22] if I'm on your page,

[57:23] Dan,

[57:23] I think I might be is,

[57:24] this movie does a really good job at the thing that it's doing.

[57:28] But if the thing that it's doing is what you want,

[57:30] the problem is inside of you.

[57:33] Well,

[57:34] I don't want to.

[57:34] If this is,

[57:35] if this is what you're looking for in a movie,

[57:37] then maybe you need to like.

[57:38] No,

[57:38] these are wonderful people.

[57:39] Raise your eyes above the horizon a little bit.

Dan McCoy

[57:42] No,

[57:42] I mean,

[57:43] I think part of it is they just like games more than I do.

[57:46] So,

[57:46] there's a,

[57:47] more of a love of the source material,

[57:50] even though,

[57:50] you know,

[57:51] like I am of an age that Super Mario Brothers on the NES was like,

[57:57] super formative.

[57:58] It's a great game.

[57:59] There's a reason,

Elliott Kalan

[58:00] there's a reason that the Mario games have lasted a long time,

[58:03] that he's the mascot of the system.

[58:05] They're great games.

[58:06] And the crazy thing is,

[58:07] or I shouldn't say crazy.

[58:08] The,

[58:08] the,

[58:09] the interesting thing to me is that the name,

[58:12] the,

[58:12] the kind of byproduct of the Mario series has been innovation.

[58:16] Each installment in the series,

[58:17] is a little bit different than the one before and expands the gameplay,

[58:20] plot,

[58:20] gameplay possibilities.

[58:22] Those are the games where Nintendo really experiments in an interesting way.

[58:25] And this movie is the exact opposite.

[58:27] It is,

[58:28] it,

[58:28] they're doing none of that.

[58:29] Maybe in Super Mario Brothers,

[58:30] the movie too,

[58:31] or the Super Mario Brothers movie too,

[58:32] colon,

[58:33] the sequel,

[58:33] that maybe they'll,

[58:35] they'll take a note from that and they will innovate in some way or change the way they do it.

[58:39] That would be interesting.

[58:40] But my guess is they're just going to go to the place that Super Mario Brothers 2 takes place in.

[58:44] That,

[58:44] that other game that was retrofitted into a Mario game years ago.

[58:48] But the,

[58:49] it's,

[58:49] it's strange that they would take us.

Stuart Wellington

[58:51] Is that where Luigi jumps and his feet spin around real fast?

[58:53] Yes,

[58:54] it is.

[58:54] It is.

[58:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[58:55] And it's the game that introduced Toad to the world.

[58:57] It's just disappointing they would take a game series that is itself a very innovative series

[59:01] and turn it into a movie that is a very,

[59:03] you know,

[59:04] basic movie.

Stuart Wellington

[59:06] You know?

[59:06] Yeah.

[59:07] Speaking of basic movies,

[59:09] we're watching one and talking about it.

[59:11] So,

[59:11] we're not watching.

[59:14] Bowser,

[59:14] Bowser tortures Luigi a little bit by plucking out his mustache hairs before eventually imprisoning him in a chain,

[59:21] like a chained cage.

[59:23] hanging with other prisoners.

[59:25] We see the penguin guys.

[59:26] We see this star character who is like,

[59:28] has like a child's voice and is oddly gleeful about a horrible.

[59:33] Gleefully not nihilistic.

[59:34] Yeah.

[59:35] Gleefully nihilistic.

[59:36] Thank you,

[59:36] Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[59:36] What was your take on this star character?

[59:37] This seemed like one of the few places where the movie was trying to push itself a little bit,

[59:41] but it was,

[59:42] it like didn't know what to do with it.

[59:43] But I did like when.

Dan McCoy

[59:44] It felt like a lift from another movie,

Elliott Kalan

[59:46] but I couldn't remember which one.

[59:48] It felt like something I had seen before,

[59:49] but I did like later.

[59:50] I love the line reading when that kid star goes,

[59:53] another prisoner gets brought in and this,

[59:56] another prisoner gets brought in and the star goes,

[59:58] more meat for the grinder.

[1:00:00] And I just loved the read of that line.

[1:00:02] But I did feel like I'd see this character somewhere before.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:05] I mean,

[1:00:05] they're trying to do something interesting.

[1:00:07] I don't know.

[1:00:07] It reminded me of the little scene,

[1:00:10] little loved,

[1:00:11] but I enjoyed it.

[1:00:12] Avenue five,

[1:00:14] the Armando Iannucci,

[1:00:15] HBO series.

[1:00:17] Zach.

[1:00:17] Thank you,

[1:00:17] Laurie.

[1:00:18] Yeah.

[1:00:18] Zach Woods played a character that like responded to,

[1:00:21] you know,

[1:00:22] everything going wrong with sort of the same cheerful,

[1:00:25] just abandonment of any,

[1:00:29] you know,

[1:00:29] normal moral.

[1:00:31] I mean,

[1:00:31] not like he didn't become immoral,

[1:00:32] but he was just like,

[1:00:33] you know,

[1:00:33] the void.

[1:00:35] Yeah.

[1:00:36] And it was,

[1:00:37] it was pretty funny.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:38] So Mario,

[1:00:39] Peach and Toad,

[1:00:40] they arrive at Donkey Kong country.

[1:00:42] Then a cool gorilla drives them around while we listen to take on me.

[1:00:46] Then they have to besiege cranky Kong voice,

[1:00:49] unfortunately by Fred Armisen to help them.

[1:00:51] Mario must.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:54] I'm curious why you say unfortunately,

[1:00:55] because I definitely did not like this voice performance and it felt more like

[1:00:58] he was just not trying very hard.

[1:00:59] What did you,

[1:01:00] what did you,

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:00] he is just a performer who,

[1:01:02] when he arrives in things,

[1:01:03] I feel it often lessens the thing.

[1:01:07] Unless the character he's playing is a fucking creep.

[1:01:09] In which case I'm like,

[1:01:10] oh wow.

[1:01:11] What,

[1:01:11] what,

[1:01:11] what amazing,

[1:01:12] what amazing casting.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:14] Yeah.

[1:01:14] It's odd.

[1:01:15] Cause I do think he is a funny,

[1:01:17] talented guy,

[1:01:19] but I also just don't go for him most of the time.

[1:01:23] And I can't really put my finger on it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:24] Sometimes I really like him and sometimes I don't,

[1:01:26] I don't like him.

[1:01:27] I love that,

[1:01:27] that SNL character he used to do,

[1:01:29] who was the topical comedian who never finished any of his jokes.

[1:01:31] I thought it was such a,

[1:01:32] it was such a funny character.

[1:01:34] But then there was that show with,

[1:01:36] the show he did with Maya Rudolph where they go to heaven or whatever.

[1:01:39] And his character was so strange that I could not,

[1:01:43] I just couldn't buy the show.

[1:01:44] The character was so off putting.

[1:01:46] So,

[1:01:46] but here he just feels like,

[1:01:47] he's like old man voice.

[1:01:48] Got it.

[1:01:49] Okay.

[1:01:49] Well,

[1:01:50] you want my donkey soldiers?

[1:01:52] Is that it?

[1:01:53] Hmm.

[1:01:54] You know.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:54] Yeah.

[1:01:54] Classic.

[1:01:55] He does a Nick Kroll line delivery.

[1:01:57] Yes.

[1:01:57] It's a very Nick Kroll,

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:58] Adam Sandler,

[1:01:59] old person line delivery.

[1:02:00] Yes.

[1:02:01] But before.

[1:02:03] To be honest,

[1:02:03] I thought it was Nick Kroll before,

[1:02:05] before the credits ran.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:06] Before,

[1:02:07] uh,

[1:02:08] before the Kongs will assist Peach and the gang in defending the Mushroom Kingdom.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:13] Did you guys hear the new Peach and the Gang album?

[1:02:15] It's pretty good.

[1:02:16] It's not as though it was the last one,

[1:02:17] but the last one was full of bangers.

[1:02:19] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:19] I'm full of them,

[1:02:20] uh,

[1:02:21] stacked,

[1:02:21] uh,

[1:02:22] stacked to the rafters.

[1:02:23] Um,

[1:02:23] so Mario lost a few members of the gang.

[1:02:26] Oh,

[1:02:27] is that what happened?

[1:02:28] Yeah.

[1:02:28] Mario has to defeat,

[1:02:29] uh,

[1:02:30] has to defeat Cranky Kong's son,

[1:02:32] Donkey Kong in some kind of like gladiator battle,

[1:02:34] which takes place in a massive,

[1:02:37] uh,

[1:02:38] arena,

[1:02:38] uh,

[1:02:39] suspended above,

[1:02:40] uh,

[1:02:41] what a huge drop.

[1:02:42] Um,

[1:02:43] and they have to platform,

[1:02:44] uh,

[1:02:45] Donkey Kong shows up.

[1:02:46] He is voiced by,

[1:02:47] he's like a muscly gorilla.

[1:02:49] Macho man voiced by Seth Rogen.

[1:02:51] And I'm like,

[1:02:52] oh,

[1:02:52] finally I see myself in movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:54] Uh,

[1:02:55] a muscly gorilla with a Seth Rogen voice.

[1:02:57] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:57] Yeah.

[1:02:58] Uh,

[1:02:58] and they,

[1:02:59] they do battle.

[1:03:00] Mario is totally getting his fucking ass whipped for a while.

[1:03:03] Uh,

[1:03:04] we're introduced to some of the power-ups like different mushrooms.

[1:03:07] That'll all matter later because those all come into play.

[1:03:11] Eventually Mario gets a power-up that gives him a cat suit,

[1:03:15] which allows him to just totally beat the shit out of Donkey Kong.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:18] He's scratching the shit out of Donkey Kong's face.

[1:03:19] And we're like,

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:19] oh my God,

[1:03:20] he's dying.

[1:03:21] In sort of a cute,

Dan McCoy

[1:03:22] a cute,

[1:03:22] like fuzzy cat suit,

[1:03:24] not like a,

[1:03:25] uh,

[1:03:25] you know,

[1:03:26] a Julie,

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:27] New Marr,

[1:03:28] sort of,

[1:03:28] uh,

[1:03:29] Oh,

[1:03:29] at one point I think,

[1:03:30] uh,

[1:03:31] a character says,

[1:03:31] it's on like Donkey Kong,

[1:03:33] and I tried to turn off my TV.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:36] It should have,

[1:03:37] he literally,

[1:03:38] the line,

[1:03:39] they didn't even go far enough and have him say,

[1:03:40] it's on like you,

[1:03:42] or it's on like me,

[1:03:43] if Donkey Kong was the one who said it.

[1:03:44] They just say,

[1:03:45] it's on like Donkey Kong,

[1:03:46] which seems lazy.

[1:03:47] It's not a twist on a line.

[1:03:48] It's just a reference.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:49] Yeah.

[1:03:50] Uh,

[1:03:50] with the introduction of Donkey Kong 2,

[1:03:51] like I'm,

[1:03:52] Donkey Kong 2,

[1:03:53] the sequel?

[1:03:53] Yeah,

[1:03:54] I'm,

[1:03:54] I am,

[1:03:55] uh,

[1:03:56] a bit anticipating what's gonna happen next,

[1:03:58] uh,

[1:03:58] which is like Donkey Kong and Mario become like sort of a mismatched buddy duo.

[1:04:03] Yeah,

[1:04:04] that's fine.

[1:04:04] But I want to talk about the odd structure of the movie in that way,

[1:04:08] because it starts out seeming like,

[1:04:10] okay,

[1:04:10] this is a buddy comedy between Mario and Luigi.

[1:04:13] Oh,

[1:04:14] no,

[1:04:14] it's not that anymore.

[1:04:15] Separated right away.

[1:04:16] It's a buddy comedy between Mario and Toad.

[1:04:19] No,

[1:04:19] now Toad kind of,

[1:04:20] uh,

[1:04:21] recedes into the background.

[1:04:22] It's gonna be this kind of romance,

[1:04:24] maybe,

[1:04:24] between Mario and Princess Peach.

[1:04:26] Like,

[1:04:26] no,

[1:04:26] well,

[1:04:27] maybe,

[1:04:27] now it's a buddy comedy between mismatched buddies,

[1:04:30] Mario and Donkey Kong.

[1:04:31] It's like,

[1:04:31] what the fuck is the through line of this thing?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:34] The through line is Mario.

[1:04:35] Everything revolves around Mario.

[1:04:37] It's a me,

[1:04:37] Mario.

[1:04:38] And when he says,

[1:04:38] it's a me,

[1:04:39] Mario,

[1:04:39] he's essentially saying,

[1:04:40] I am the alpha and the omega,

[1:04:42] the beginning and the end.

[1:04:43] Salvation can only be found through me,

[1:04:45] Mario.

[1:04:46] And,

[1:04:46] but I agree.

[1:04:47] I am Ura Burrus eating my own Mario.

[1:04:51] Yep.

[1:04:51] Uh,

[1:04:52] this scene I also felt like was a missed opportunity,

[1:04:54] at least do the kind of storytelling I like.

[1:04:55] So,

[1:04:56] Peach is like,

[1:04:57] we're not strong,

[1:04:58] but we have heart,

[1:04:58] or whatever she says,

[1:04:59] to Cranky Kong.

[1:05:00] And what I really want,

[1:05:01] I wanted this to be one of those scenes,

[1:05:02] where Mario is getting beaten up by Donkey Kong,

[1:05:04] but he won't give up,

[1:05:05] and that impresses Donkey Kong.

[1:05:07] Or,

[1:05:08] Donkey Kong,

[1:05:08] in his,

[1:05:09] in his,

[1:05:09] uh,

[1:05:10] arrogance,

[1:05:11] slips and almost falls,

[1:05:12] and Mario saves him.

[1:05:13] And that,

[1:05:14] and that impresses everybody.

[1:05:15] And since he does that later in the movie anyway.

[1:05:17] But,

[1:05:17] instead,

[1:05:18] Mario just beats up Donkey Kong.

[1:05:20] And it felt like,

[1:05:21] if you're gonna differentiate,

[1:05:22] differentiate these characters at all,

[1:05:24] if you're gonna make Mario a hero at all,

[1:05:25] like,

[1:05:26] there should be some quality within him that shines out here,

[1:05:28] rather than just like,

[1:05:29] well,

[1:05:29] if you put on a suit that gives you cat powers,

[1:05:31] you can beat up a gorilla.

[1:05:33] Yeah.

[1:05:33] But I guess that's my mistake,

[1:05:34] for trying to put emotional heft,

[1:05:35] into the,

[1:05:36] the Super Mario Brothers movie.

[1:05:37] Yeah.

[1:05:37] So,

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:38] having defeated Donkey Kong,

[1:05:39] the Kongs decide to help them.

[1:05:42] They craft them Mario karts,

[1:05:44] which they all drive.

[1:05:45] They drive out while we listen to Thunderstruck by ACDC.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:50] Yep.

[1:05:51] Because you can only use movies that have appeared in other movies before.

[1:05:54] Sorry.

[1:05:55] You can only use songs that have appeared in other movies before.

[1:05:56] This was,

[1:05:57] and this felt,

[1:05:58] not since.

[1:05:59] And you're like,

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:59] it should have been a whole lot of Rosie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:02] Not since,

[1:06:03] or something about cars,

[1:06:04] you know,

[1:06:05] but not since,

[1:06:06] like,

[1:06:06] in cars.

[1:06:08] It should have been legs by ZZ Top.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:10] Yes.

[1:06:10] I think we all agree.

[1:06:12] Tomb snake boogie by ZZ Top.

[1:06:14] Pearl necklace by ZZ Top.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:15] But only if some cartoon versions of ZZ Top show up.

[1:06:19] Yeah.

[1:06:19] Sharp dressed man.

[1:06:20] Oh my fucking God.

[1:06:21] That would have been incredible.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:22] Two little mushroom people with long beards,

[1:06:24] just spinning their guitars around.

[1:06:26] Yeah.

[1:06:26] That sounds amazing.

[1:06:27] Now,

[1:06:27] not since Obi-Wan Kenobi,

[1:06:29] not since Obi-Wan Kenobi got on a lizard to chase General Grievous,

[1:06:32] riding in a giant wheel machine,

[1:06:34] as it felt more like a movie was shoehorning in merchandise that could be sold later after the film.

[1:06:39] Then, like,

[1:06:40] everybody gets their own.

[1:06:41] Peach,

[1:06:41] you get a motorcycle.

[1:06:42] Mario,

[1:06:42] you get this logo cart.

[1:06:44] Toad,

[1:06:44] you get this big monster truck.

[1:06:45] There,

[1:06:46] toys.

[1:06:46] Buy them,

[1:06:46] everybody.

[1:06:47] Buy them,

[1:06:47] buy them.

[1:06:48] And,

[1:06:48] and of course,

[1:06:50] Thunderstruck is,

[1:06:50] yeah,

[1:06:51] what else could you play at this point?

[1:06:52] We joke,

[1:06:53] but it's the only song you can play,

[1:06:54] right?

[1:06:54] It's the only option,

Dan McCoy

[1:06:55] yep.

[1:06:55] I mean,

[1:06:56] I'm always happy to hear Thunderstruck.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:57] Yeah,

[1:06:57] it's a great,

[1:06:58] it's a great song,

[1:06:59] but it is a song that,

[1:07:00] they're the best.

[1:07:01] that doesn't really fit what's going on.

[1:07:03] And also,

[1:07:04] at this point,

[1:07:05] I can only think of ACDC as,

[1:07:07] and Thunderstruck as like an Iron Man song,

[1:07:09] because it was in the Iron Man commercials and movies,

[1:07:11] but.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:12] So,

[1:07:12] Bowser is,

[1:07:13] is role-playing his proposals,

[1:07:15] and how those are going to work out.

[1:07:18] You know,

[1:07:19] again,

[1:07:20] he's,

[1:07:20] the thing is like,

[1:07:21] he's building this,

[1:07:22] he has this parasocial relationship with Princess Peach.

[1:07:25] It's pretty fucked up,

[1:07:26] and he's,

[1:07:27] he's putting unfair expectations upon her.

[1:07:31] But,

[1:07:31] you know,

[1:07:31] we'll,

[1:07:31] we'll see how it plays out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:34] Maybe he'll win her over.

[1:07:35] Yeah,

[1:07:36] the carts.

[1:07:37] You know what?

[1:07:37] I'll say this for the movie.

[1:07:38] I'll say this for the movie.

[1:07:40] In an earlier time,

[1:07:41] Mario would have been the one

[1:07:43] who is trying

[1:07:43] and,

[1:07:44] and to push a relationship on Peach,

[1:07:45] and then he would have succeeded at the end.

[1:07:47] And this movie does not do that.

[1:07:48] And I'll give it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:49] He would have been like Joe Latruglio

[1:07:50] in the first season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine,

[1:07:52] and you're like,

[1:07:53] calm down,

[1:07:53] buddy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:55] Yeah,

[1:07:55] something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:56] But they learned their lesson with that show.

[1:07:58] They,

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:58] they,

[1:07:58] they remove that character trait.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:00] Yeah.

[1:08:00] So I think,

[1:08:01] I will give the movie respect for not having Mario constantly trying to hit on Peach,

[1:08:06] and then at the very end,

[1:08:07] wearing her down to the point where she accepts him.

[1:08:10] You know,

[1:08:10] that's,

[1:08:10] I'm glad they didn't do that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:12] Yeah.

[1:08:12] Thumbs up.

[1:08:13] So three stars from Elliot.

[1:08:14] Mm-hmm.

[1:08:15] The Mario Kart.

[1:08:16] Three and a half.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:17] Three and a half stars.

[1:08:17] It gets one half star off for not,

[1:08:19] you know,

[1:08:19] having any sort of story inspiration or emotional heft or,

[1:08:23] not enough,

[1:08:23] no,

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:23] no funky Kong.

[1:08:25] Uh,

[1:08:25] the Mario,

[1:08:25] the Mario Karts take the rainbow road,

[1:08:30] which is like a giant rainbow,

[1:08:31] but it's a road.

[1:08:32] They're going to,

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:32] they're going to Asgard apparently to get Thor to help them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:35] Yeah.

[1:08:35] Uh,

[1:08:35] yeah.

[1:08:36] The Bifrost.

[1:08:36] Um,

[1:08:37] only to get ambushed by an army of Koopa vehicles.

[1:08:40] What follows is,

[1:08:42] uh,

[1:08:42] a road battle with,

[1:08:44] there's a lot of like characters doing stuff and then doing a fist pump and then things explode.

[1:08:49] Uh,

[1:08:50] things are looking.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:51] The vaunted Kong army that Peach went all the way to Donkey Kong Country to get to defeat Bowser is destroyed almost instantly.

[1:08:57] Almost immediately.

[1:08:58] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:58] Yeah.

[1:08:59] Um,

[1:08:59] a suicide bomber blows up the rainbow road,

[1:09:02] causing Mario and Donkey Kong to plummet to their perceived dooms.

[1:09:06] The Kong army is seized by Bowser's flying robots and Peach and Toad have to escape alone on her little hover motorcycle.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:13] And then it's just the credits roll.

[1:09:15] And there's a mid credit scene where Peach and Toad is trying to convince Peach not to give up because maybe they can defeat Bowser.

[1:09:21] And Peach goes,

[1:09:22] no,

[1:09:22] this is it.

[1:09:22] You see?

[1:09:23] And she shoots Toad and then shoots herself.

[1:09:25] And then it just cuts to Mario's drowned body reaching out as if,

[1:09:29] you know,

[1:09:30] as if to try to tell Peach,

[1:09:31] no,

[1:09:32] it's not too late,

[1:09:32] but he's,

[1:09:33] they're all gone.

[1:09:34] And,

[1:09:34] uh,

[1:09:34] I think,

[1:09:34] and it says something that there's like a text piece after that that says,

[1:09:38] if you want to see the future,

[1:09:39] imagine Bowser's foot stomping on a human face.

[1:09:41] Yeah,

[1:09:41] that was,

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:42] that was Elliot's screenplay,

[1:09:43] uh,

[1:09:43] or no,

[1:09:44] that was the screenplay for Rainbow Road by Cormac McCarthy,

[1:09:46] right?

[1:09:47] I think this guy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:47] R.I.P.

[1:09:48] The Ultimate Jester,

[1:09:49] yeah.

[1:09:49] Rest in peace,

[1:09:50] rest in,

[1:09:51] in,

[1:09:52] in,

[1:09:52] in messing with the squares,

[1:09:54] Cormac McCarthy.

[1:09:54] This guy's been having a few magic mushrooms.

[1:09:57] If he thought that was what he saw.

[1:10:05] So what actually happens?

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:07] Peach,

[1:10:07] uh,

[1:10:07] arrives at the Mushroom Kingdom and she evacuates all of the toads.

[1:10:12] Uh,

[1:10:12] to where?

[1:10:14] I don't know.

[1:10:14] Like,

[1:10:14] they wander off.

[1:10:15] Yeah,

[1:10:16] it's like,

[1:10:16] leave,

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:18] you're not mushrooms anymore.

[1:10:19] Just go do something else.

[1:10:21] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:21] yeah,

[1:10:21] yeah.

[1:10:21] Bowser arrives,

[1:10:23] uh,

[1:10:23] she's prepared to resist him,

[1:10:24] but he forces her to accept his marriage proposal with threats of violence.

[1:10:29] Mario and Donkey Kong briefly argue in the belly of a sea monster before discovering their rocket,

[1:10:34] and they escape immediately.

[1:10:36] Mm-hmm.

[1:10:37] Um,

[1:10:38] at the royal wedding,

[1:10:40] Bowser begins sacrificing the prisoners by lowering their cages from some giant floating contraption.

[1:10:46] Some big chains and stuff.

[1:10:47] Yeah,

[1:10:47] they're all gonna fall in some lava.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:49] I would say he begins trying to sacrifice the prisoners.

[1:10:52] No one actually dies.

[1:10:54] He doesn't get through like five of them.

[1:10:56] Even though that's,

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:57] that,

[1:10:57] that creepy star really wants to.

[1:10:59] The one with the child's voice.

[1:11:01] And I will say,

[1:11:02] it's kind of funny to see the characters showing up for the wedding.

[1:11:04] All the different Mario bad guys.

[1:11:06] King Boo?

[1:11:06] I did like,

Dan McCoy

[1:11:07] the giant bomb man with the mustache.

[1:11:10] Yeah,

[1:11:10] the giant bomb man with the mustache.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:12] King Boo,

[1:11:12] the giant,

[1:11:13] uh,

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:13] giant ghost with the crown.

[1:11:14] Yeah.

[1:11:14] William Howard TNT.

[1:11:16] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:16] Yeah,

[1:11:17] I love it all.

[1:11:17] Um,

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:18] okay,

[1:11:19] so,

[1:11:19] uh,

[1:11:20] yeah,

[1:11:20] at the royal wedding,

[1:11:22] uh,

[1:11:22] Peach,

[1:11:23] uh,

[1:11:23] has something up her sleeve.

[1:11:24] There,

[1:11:25] she,

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:25] he dances on the ceiling,

[1:11:27] Dan.

[1:11:28] Can you believe that?

[1:11:29] They would,

[1:11:29] no one would be able to replicate that technology until Lionel Richie,

[1:11:32] 30 years later.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:34] Mm-hmm.

[1:11:34] I love the look on Stuart's face,

[1:11:36] right?

[1:11:37] I interrupted him for a joke.

[1:11:39] He definitely knew the reference for.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:44] So,

[1:11:45] uh,

[1:11:45] Princess Peach has something up her sleeve.

[1:11:47] That's right.

[1:11:47] She has ice abilities,

[1:11:49] so she freezes Bowser and then freezes the,

[1:11:51] like,

[1:11:52] winch mechanism,

[1:11:53] saving the,

[1:11:54] uh,

[1:11:54] briefly saving all the prisoners.

[1:11:56] Uh,

[1:11:57] all,

[1:11:57] all hell breaks loose.

[1:11:58] And showing that she is the hero of the movie.

[1:12:00] Yep.

[1:12:00] Uh,

[1:12:01] Mario and Donkey Kong arrive and they fight their way through a city of Koopas using a variety of power-ups and flips and whatnot.

[1:12:08] Uh,

[1:12:09] Donkey Kong rescues the captives.

[1:12:11] Mario manages to save Luigi and it's great.

[1:12:15] They're finally reunited.

[1:12:16] This is what this whole movie's been about.

[1:12:18] Bowser breaks out of his frozen shell.

[1:12:20] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:20] in the very beginning and then in this moment.

[1:12:22] But,

[1:12:22] because in between,

[1:12:23] Mario doesn't even really talk about Luigi.

[1:12:25] He doesn't seem to have a lot of urgency,

[1:12:26] honestly.

[1:12:27] Uh,

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:27] Bowser breaks out of his frozen shell and launches a giant bullet bill right for the Mushroom Kingdom.

[1:12:33] Then Mario flies over.

[1:12:35] Oh,

[1:12:35] at this point he has a Tanuki suit,

[1:12:37] which is a flying raccoon outfit.

[1:12:39] Now,

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:39] I don't know if the Tanuki suit and the flying raccoon outfit are the same.

[1:12:43] The Tanuki suit,

[1:12:43] I think,

[1:12:44] is the one that lets you turn into a statue,

[1:12:45] right?

Dan McCoy

[1:12:46] No,

[1:12:46] no,

[1:12:46] no.

[1:12:47] The raccoon,

[1:12:48] no,

[1:12:48] Tanuki flies.

[1:12:49] I'm not,

[1:12:50] he may also be statue.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:51] Cause it's the leaf that allows you to,

[1:12:53] that allows you to,

[1:12:54] well,

[1:12:55] let's see,

[1:12:55] hold on.

[1:12:56] Hmm.

[1:12:58] Hmm.

[1:12:59] He can fly as a Tanuki,

[1:13:01] but it's,

[1:13:01] I think it is a slightly different suit.

[1:13:03] Maybe it's not.

[1:13:03] Maybe he does have a Tanuki suit.

[1:13:05] You know what guys?

[1:13:05] I don't care.

[1:13:06] It turns out.

[1:13:07] Okay.

[1:13:08] Okay.

[1:13:08] So,

[1:13:09] uh,

[1:13:09] if I'm wrong,

[1:13:10] if I'm wrong,

[1:13:10] then please write me a letter and mail it to Elliot Kalin,

[1:13:13] care of does not give a shit.

[1:13:14] The Super Mario Brothers movie,

[1:13:16] No Town USA.

[1:13:17] And I didn't say Motown.

[1:13:18] I said No Town.

[1:13:20] Yeah.

[1:13:20] It's not a town.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:21] Write me a letter and then insert it into the slot on the sewer drainage near you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:28] Now just take that letter and insert it into the slot.

[1:13:30] Give it to Pennywise.

[1:13:31] Because I don't care and I don't want to hear about it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:32] Stuff it into the disk drive of your computer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:37] And when you,

[1:13:38] and when you go to the nerd squad,

[1:13:39] because your computer is broken,

[1:13:41] tell them I am dumb.

[1:13:42] And I thought Elliot would care about what dumb suit Elliot Mario's wearing.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:46] Elliot assumes you're going to the off-brand IT department.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:49] Okay, so Mario in his suit distracts the giant bullet Bill by slapping in the eye.

[1:13:57] It chases him around the kingdom briefly.

[1:13:59] Makes sense.

[1:13:59] Before Mario tricks it into going down a pipe

[1:14:02] and going into another dimension or something

[1:14:06] where it then explodes but causes this huge like rift or fallout.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:11] Now I thought it was the pipe that,

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:12] is that not the pipe that goes right to Brooklyn?

[1:14:15] Or is that a different pipe?

[1:14:16] No, it's the pipe that's like in between.

[1:14:18] Oh, okay.

[1:14:19] So, and it ends up sucking Mario, Bowser, the whole gang,

[1:14:23] anything that's important gets sucked into this pipe

[1:14:26] and they end up all landing in Brooklyn.

[1:14:28] What?

[1:14:29] What a homecoming.

[1:14:30] Now I don't remember this happening.

[1:14:31] You're the Beastie Boys.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:32] I, you know, I keep an eye on the news,

[1:14:34] but I don't recall reading any stories about when this occurred.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:38] Yeah, we got another Pinocchio here, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:42] Yeah, yeah.

[1:14:43] Give this movie a thousand Pinocchios.

[1:14:45] Turns out none of it's real.

[1:14:46] A thousand.

[1:14:46] It didn't happen.

[1:14:47] And here's the funny thing is,

[1:14:49] so the NYPD, they got plenty of time to hassle protesters.

[1:14:54] But when a giant spiky turtle man is literally blowing up buildings,

[1:14:58] they're nowhere to be found.

[1:14:59] Nowhere to be seen.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:00] I think they're waving their hands and they're saying,

[1:15:02] this is what defunding us gets you.

[1:15:04] And we're like, we didn't defund you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:06] Cough, cough.

[1:15:07] We're all sick.

[1:15:08] Cough, cough.

[1:15:08] We can't stop this turtle.

[1:15:10] This is what giving us more money does.

[1:15:13] Wait, but hold on.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:14] Mario makes a stand against Bowser.

[1:15:16] To no effect, Bowser whips his ass,

[1:15:19] throws him into the pizzeria we saw earlier.

[1:15:21] We're like, Mario's goose is cooked.

[1:15:23] Mario at this point begins to have a panic attack or something.

[1:15:26] And I'm like, wow, yeah, the depth character here.

[1:15:29] It's a lot of pressure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:29] To be fair, he's had a rough couple of days.

[1:15:31] Did he bring it on himself by trying to fix a flooding problem

[1:15:34] in a municipal sewer line?

[1:15:36] It's to a certain extent, yes.

[1:15:37] Yes.

[1:15:37] But he was just trying to help.

[1:15:38] And now he's been away from home.

[1:15:40] All he's eaten are mushrooms.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:41] He spent his life savings on a commercial.

[1:15:43] Yeah.

[1:15:44] Hey, no good deed, you know?

[1:15:46] So Mario.

[1:15:47] Did you hear that, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:47] Have you heard the new No Good Deed album?

[1:15:50] It's a bit of a disappointment, but.

[1:15:52] Okay, so.

[1:15:53] Oh, good.

[1:15:53] They're trying something.

[1:15:55] They're trying something, you know?

[1:15:56] Peach and the Restaurant fight Bowser.

[1:15:57] Every now and then you get a St. Aider, okay?

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:59] Bowser's beating the hell out of all of them, including Donkey Kong.

[1:16:03] Mario then watches his commercial play on a TV,

[1:16:06] and it gives him courage again.

[1:16:07] He remembers the way he's doing this all for.

[1:16:09] Celebrity status.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:11] To help his fledgling plumbing business.

[1:16:14] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:15] Bowser is doing some serious anime-level fire breathing.

[1:16:20] Looks like Mario's dead.

[1:16:22] Luigi blocks it with a giant manhole cover.

[1:16:25] Peach throws them a superstar, which they catch at the absolute last minute.

[1:16:29] So they show up and they're all invulnerable.

[1:16:31] And then they annihilate Bowser.

[1:16:33] What, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:16:34] No, I just like, well, yeah.

[1:16:35] They get a fucking invincible star.

[1:16:37] And it's like what Ali was saying about the Donkey Kong scene,

[1:16:43] times a million, where I'm just like, oh, great.

[1:16:46] Well, I guess that Mario's ultimate triumph is because he got this thing that made him invincible so he could punch real good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:56] Yeah.

[1:16:56] It has nothing to do with who he is as a person, what he stands for, any sort of inner strength.

[1:17:02] There's no reason Peach couldn't have just used the superstar herself.

[1:17:05] Exactly.

[1:17:05] To just punch the crap out of those.

[1:17:06] She would have been way better at it.

[1:17:08] She would have been better.

[1:17:09] But I think the difference here, Dan, is I think by empowering Mario and Luigi, who are not twins necessarily, but are brothers,

[1:17:16] they're calling back to the supposed appearance of Castor and Pollux at the Battle of Lake Regulus.

[1:17:21] Yes, I think you're right.

[1:17:23] When Tarquin is the super bus, the last king during the mythical regal period of Rome, supposedly was assisted by these mythological figures.

[1:17:32] So I think really the movie is playing a very interesting intellectual game by referring to this classical story.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:38] And also on an emotional level, Peach is saying, look, I could use this superstar and defeat Bowser, but you know what?

[1:17:44] I like to delegate and I like to empower those under me.

[1:17:48] That's the secret of a good manager.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:50] Yeah, you need this win right now more than I do.

[1:17:53] But you're right.

[1:17:55] It's not that Mario uses anything he has learned throughout the movie at this point.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:00] He's learned that power-ups are often good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:04] They put your power up.

[1:18:07] They do.

[1:18:08] At the end of the Mighty Ducks, they were like, guys, let's just do steroids and we'll be stronger than every other team.

[1:18:15] And they win.

[1:18:17] Yeah, I love that part.

[1:18:18] That flying V routine.

[1:18:20] We don't need it because we're jacked.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:22] And the other teams are like, can't they see?

[1:18:24] Like, look how mighty they are.

[1:18:26] They can't be that mighty without chemical help.

[1:18:29] Yeah, yeah.

[1:18:30] And there's that scene where-

[1:18:30] No duck has ever been that mighty naturally.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:32] Yeah, there's that scene where they have to buy clean piss from somebody before they play a game.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:37] Yeah, yeah.

[1:18:39] Because they're all going to get tested.

[1:18:40] They cut that out for the Disney Plus release, unfortunately.

[1:18:43] But then the outcry brought it back in again.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:45] Yeah, they brought it back in.

[1:18:46] It was because when they cropped the movie, the duck buying piss was just out of frame.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:52] Yeah, exactly.

[1:18:53] When they cropped it because it was shot like a television show?

[1:18:57] Yeah, so-

[1:19:01] Incidentally, have you guys seen any of the screenshots online of that now that Friends is being shown in a 16x9 format?

[1:19:07] Yeah.

[1:19:07] You'll see like the edge of the screen where the set stops and things like that.

[1:19:11] Yeah, yeah.

[1:19:12] It's awesome.

[1:19:13] It's pretty great.

[1:19:13] Look it up.

[1:19:14] Oh, man.

[1:19:15] Don't take my word for it.

[1:19:17] Go to your local library and get-

[1:19:18] To use the internet.

[1:19:19] To use the streaming service to show you friends.

[1:19:22] Oh, great.

[1:19:23] Ba-da-ba-ba.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:24] So, or don't support streaming services.

[1:19:27] This is all their fault.

[1:19:28] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:29] That's true.

[1:19:29] Don't support streaming services.

[1:19:30] Yeah, so the dust settles.

[1:19:31] They are effectively destroying the business that Dan and I are in.

[1:19:33] So, much like at the end of Justice League where Superman proves he's the best hero by punching the bad guy so hard in the face that he can't even talk.

[1:19:41] Mario and Luigi prove they're heroes by just using power to beat up Bowser.

[1:19:46] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:46] Yeah.

[1:19:47] So, the dust has settled.

[1:19:48] They take Bowser.

[1:19:50] They make him tiny using a power-up.

[1:19:53] And they have managed to-

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:54] Once again, drug chemical help is the answer in this one.

[1:19:56] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:57] They've managed to impress their parents.

[1:19:59] They've managed to impress Spike, their former employer.

[1:20:02] And I guess they've impressed the people of Mushroom Kingdom.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:05] Flash forward.

[1:20:06] This is the funny thing here.

[1:20:07] Wait.

[1:20:07] This is the funny thing here.

[1:20:08] They've impressed everybody.

[1:20:10] Nobody seems to be at all bewildered by the fact that a giant turtle man has been breathing fire.

[1:20:16] And their sons used the help of a gorilla man to stop and a mushroom man.

[1:20:21] They just take that in stride.

[1:20:23] And then cut to, what, the newspaper headline, right?

[1:20:25] Yeah.

[1:20:26] Tango and Cash reinstated.

[1:20:27] Yeah.

[1:20:27] Tango and Cash.

[1:20:28] Or whatever.

[1:20:28] And it says, like, Brooklyn saved.

[1:20:30] And it's a picture of, like, the Mario Brothers and Donkey Kong.

[1:20:34] And the headline should be, like, magical talking gorilla discovered.

[1:20:38] Like, that's the real story here.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:41] I mean, Brooklyn saved is a slightly bigger story.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:45] A entire cosmology of universe, we thought.

[1:20:48] The subheading, at least, should be, many worlds hypothesis proven.

[1:20:52] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:52] Yeah.

[1:20:53] They're like, I guess we have to stop eating gorillas.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:58] You can have my gorilla hamburger when you take it to my cold dead hands, dude.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:04] So the dust has settled.

[1:21:05] Not even a gorilla burger.

[1:21:06] A gorilla hamburger.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:09] Well, it's not like a fucking beef burger is made of ham, Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:12] When it's made in Hamburg, Germany, it's a hamburger, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:16] It's a gorilla.

[1:21:16] It's a ham.

[1:21:17] It's a hamburger style gorilla sandwich.

[1:21:19] Yeah.

[1:21:20] It comes in a hamburg.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:24] They serve it to you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:25] They serve it in a hat.

[1:21:26] Yeah, that's the only way.

[1:21:28] Salvador Dali is my waiter.

[1:21:31] If they don't serve it to you in a hat, they legally can't call it a gorilla hamburger.

[1:21:34] Not allowed to.

[1:21:34] It gets destroyed at port.

[1:21:36] By the way, Dan, have you heard the new album by Salvador Dali is my waiter?

[1:21:41] Bangers.

[1:21:42] None of them are bangers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:42] I don't know.

[1:21:43] I'm not into jam bands.

[1:21:46] The Mario Brothers wake up.

[1:21:48] They are plumbers to the Mushroom Kingdom, I think.

[1:21:52] What?

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:53] That's because rents in New York have gotten so high that they've had to move to the Mushroom

[1:21:57] Kingdom for four months.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:58] So they're colonizing the Mushroom Kingdom.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:01] Did you watch the post-credits scene?

[1:22:02] Did you?

[1:22:03] Oh, fuck.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:04] Turn this shit off so fast, guys.

[1:22:07] I'm sorry.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:07] So the post-credits scene is a big old nothing.

[1:22:10] It's just a joke scene, right?

[1:22:11] Well, there's a Yoshi egg in the real world now.

[1:22:17] And the music is-

[1:22:18] Oh, I don't think even I saw this post-credits scene.

[1:22:20] Yeah.

[1:22:20] And was it live action or animated?

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:22] Because if it was live action, I'd be really mad right now.

[1:22:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:25] It's going into the original Super Mario Brothers movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:29] So when Dan says the real world, you mean the real world of Brooklyn in the movie, not our real world.

[1:22:33] In Brooklyn.

[1:22:34] Not a documentary.

[1:22:35] Yeah.

[1:22:35] It's not the ending of the original screenplay years ago for Watchmen where they end up in our world at the very end.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:40] Yeah.

[1:22:41] And it's like shaking a little bit and there's like menacing music.

[1:22:43] And I found this menacing music so baffling because, you know, Yoshi is a good guy.

[1:22:50] And I don't understand why they're like, oh, no, Yoshi is going to be let loose on Brooklyn.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:57] They're like, oh, no, shenanigans.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:59] If you're going to do that, if you're going to set up a possible sequel, which obviously they're going to have.

[1:23:04] This thing was a huge hit, like we said.

[1:23:06] It was enormous, yeah.

[1:23:06] Like, have Wario come in.

[1:23:10] Yes.

[1:23:10] You know, he's the villain.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:12] You've got to save him for the third installment because, Dan, it's going to be a trilogy.

[1:23:15] Wario is in the third installment.

[1:23:16] That's the bigger reveal.

[1:23:18] With this one, it's like-

Dan McCoy

[1:23:18] They get the infinity mushrooms.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:20] Exactly.

[1:23:20] The second one's going to be Bowser again, right?

[1:23:22] Yeah, this giant, because he gets loose.

[1:23:24] There's not that many Mario villains.

[1:23:26] Does it have a rugs gallery?

[1:23:27] No, not really.

[1:23:28] It's just Bowser and Wario, basically.

[1:23:30] Like Hammer Brothers, but they're not like a main-

[1:23:31] But they work for Bowser.

[1:23:33] Everyone works for Bowser.

[1:23:34] Wario's the only-

[1:23:35] Wario's an agent of chaos.

[1:23:37] That's the thing.

[1:23:37] Independent contractor.

[1:23:40] You have learned about plumbing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:41] Yep.

[1:23:42] What?

[1:23:43] So, yep.

[1:23:43] So that's the end of the movie, guys.

[1:23:45] Final Judgments, Dan, your new favorite movie?

[1:23:47] Yeah, it's a good bad movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:48] A bad, bad movie.

[1:23:50] A movie we kind of like.

[1:23:51] Look, I'm going to couch this in a few things.

[1:23:54] Okay.

[1:23:55] Number one, this movie doesn't have to be for me.

[1:23:59] Yeah.

[1:23:59] I understand this is primarily a movie for children.

[1:24:02] You know?

[1:24:03] And if you're going to take-

[1:24:04] For the young at heart and those who refuse to grow up.

[1:24:07] No, no.

[1:24:08] Those people should not be watching it.

[1:24:10] Yeah.

[1:24:10] But actual children, look.

[1:24:13] Yeah.

[1:24:14] This is a good Mario Brothers movie for kids.

[1:24:17] Is it a better Mario Brothers movie for kids than the Bob Hoskins inexplicable one?

[1:24:23] As Elliot said.

[1:24:24] Nope.

[1:24:24] Certainly.

[1:24:24] Oh.

[1:24:25] A hundred thousand percent.

[1:24:26] Would I, an adult human, rather watch the Bob Hoskins one again?

[1:24:30] Because at least it's like compellingly strange.

[1:24:33] One thousand percent.

[1:24:35] Like, this is, I don't even really begrudge people who like Mario liking this movie.

[1:24:43] You can like what you like.

[1:24:45] You know, I get it.

[1:24:46] Like, I tend to be very forgiving of pop art.

[1:24:51] If you like it, it's fine.

[1:24:53] But at the same time, this makes, this movie does make me angry in the way that it adds absolutely nothing.

[1:25:00] Like, I was watching this movie at the beginning.

[1:25:02] I'm like, oh, this isn't so bad.

[1:25:03] I'm like consistently diverted, at least, by what's happening.

[1:25:07] There are bright colors and shapes moving around.

[1:25:11] That's all Dan wants out of a movie, yeah.

[1:25:13] My toddler brain enjoyed it.

[1:25:15] Yeah, you look Babylon.

[1:25:17] Oh, shut up.

[1:25:18] I mean, Babylon doesn't even have bright colors is the thing.

[1:25:20] It barely has shapes.

[1:25:22] As it went on, though, I like, I did become angry in a sort of a meta way where I'm like,

[1:25:28] this movie was a huge hit.

[1:25:33] There will be more of them.

[1:25:35] And it succeeded by setting the lowest bar.

[1:25:40] Yes.

[1:25:41] And clearing it.

[1:25:42] And that kind of does make me angry in a larger way.

[1:25:48] Because I kind of felt like there's nothing I'm going to take from this movie.

[1:25:52] Like, the experience of watching Super Mario Brothers, the movie, and looking at a blank wall for two hours,

[1:26:02] in terms of what I take away from it, is about equal.

[1:26:07] I mean, probably more in the blank wall because I would have gotten my own thinking done,

[1:26:10] maybe worked through, like, some of my own writing or emotional issues or whatever.

[1:26:15] Yeah, yeah.

[1:26:17] So, look, there's nothing quote-unquote bad about this movie, but it is a bad movie in my mind.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:24] Yeah, no, you're right.

[1:26:25] I mean, it is, I don't have children, so I don't watch a lot of, like, I don't know, like, shows for kids.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:31] You do watch a fair amount of kids' movies, but you watch the better class of kids' movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:36] I mean, I guess, but, like, I don't, like, watch, like, what, Bluey?

[1:26:40] Is Bluey a thing?

[1:26:41] Bluey is supposed to be very good, though.

[1:26:43] Bluey is a thing.

[1:26:44] I don't watch stuff that's, like, directed, like, to little children.

[1:26:47] So, like, there's a chance that—

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:49] Not even the movie Little Children, which don't show your little children.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:51] It's not directed.

[1:26:52] That was a mistake.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:55] Daddy, what is he doing while he's—

[1:26:56] Children shouldn't play with dead things, though.

[1:26:57] What is he doing while he's sitting in that car next to the playground?

[1:27:00] We should watch a different movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:01] I did show them the instructional video, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things,

[1:27:05] because that's a lesson you should learn.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:06] Yeah, you don't want to have to learn that in life.

[1:27:09] Yeah.

[1:27:09] You don't want to learn that through experience, because experience is a fool's teacher.

[1:27:13] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:14] Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to—if somebody likes the Super Mario Bros. movie, I get it.

[1:27:21] I would hope that they have other outlets for interacting with, I don't know, culture, entertainment, or something.

[1:27:29] Higher standards for emotional resonance.

[1:27:32] But, yeah, this is—I mean, this is like a nothing of a movie.

[1:27:37] It is like a commercial.

[1:27:41] It's like a really long commercial, and it's fine, whatever.

[1:27:45] It's just—yeah, it's barely a movie.

[1:27:47] It's hard to even call it a movie to me, other than because of the runtime and the fact there's credit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:52] And it says in the title.

[1:27:53] It was in movie theaters.

[1:27:55] Yeah.

[1:27:55] Now, I agree with what you guys are saying completely.

[1:27:58] I agree with it.

[1:27:58] My kids loved it.

[1:27:59] I would say I'm going to give a slightly larger—it was not a movie for me.

[1:28:03] I found it boring and lazy.

[1:28:05] But I would say—I'm going to put it in a slightly larger context.

[1:28:08] This movie, I'm being—it's hard for me not to be a little unfair to it because I think I would be less frustrated with this movie if it was coming out at a time when there were other kinds of movies being made and being put in theaters.

[1:28:21] One hundred percent.

[1:28:22] And that I could bring my family to or not.

[1:28:23] The fact that we—that this would bother me less if we weren't living in a world where so many of the big movies coming out were just IP-driven brand extension movies and where it didn't feel so much like the number one objective was to just press whatever sensory button is built in for fans of the material that just want to see what's in the material.

[1:28:46] And I say that coming as a Marvel fan to Marvel movies where—

[1:28:50] Yeah.

[1:28:50] One of the things I initially found exciting about the Marvel movies is that they were respecting the material.

[1:28:56] They were treating it as a thing to be adapted straightforwardly and not just as crap to be ripped off or done however because no one cares.

[1:29:04] It's garbage.

[1:29:05] So I'm excited that they're showing—for Mario fans out there, it's probably exciting that they're showing that minimum amount of respect to the material.

[1:29:13] Yep.

[1:29:13] That being said, the Marvel movies are also adapted from stories, and Mario is not being adapted from a story but from a mostly personality-less kind of series of sprites that you are allowed to control.

[1:29:26] Like a skill-based video game.

[1:29:29] Yes, exactly.

[1:29:30] Yeah.

[1:29:31] So it's—but it would bother me so much less if it wasn't—if it didn't feel like this was the kind of thing that nine out of ten movies being made are, and the other one out of ten are adult—movies for adults that get released only to streaming services.

[1:29:44] You know?

[1:29:45] So it's—so it's—so I'm being unfair to it partly because of the climate it's coming out in.

[1:29:49] But I'm going to say it is—it's fine for kids.

[1:29:52] I wish that the message of the movie was not that to defeat your enemies you just have to beat the shit out of them using weapons, essentially.

[1:29:59] Like that you are—that you—there was some other way to—

[1:30:03] You'd prefer bare hands, right?

[1:30:04] Yes, exactly.

[1:30:05] I mean, use—I mean, the body is the ultimate weapon.

[1:30:08] Yeah.

[1:30:09] No, but if there was—if the—it feels like the movie is going towards a, like, never give up message, but it doesn't actually do that.

[1:30:16] And so I wish there was—I wish that they had at least—I'm not as annoyed as I was with the movie Ferdinand, where they have Ferdinand fight a bullfighter at the end, when the whole point of Ferdinand is that he is incredibly—he's a pacifist.

[1:30:29] He's incredibly passive, and he refuses to fight.

[1:30:30] But it is annoying to me that they couldn't even at least, like, do something with the characters that at least gives the kids some other message than, like, video games are great and fighting is cool and use a superstar and beat someone up, you know?

[1:30:43] Yeah.

[1:30:44] But I would be easier on the movie, like I'm saying, if it was an outlier and not so much of what the mainstream is right now.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:51] Yeah, it doesn't feel like the focus of all money and culture.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:53] It's the same way that it wouldn't bother me so much that—yeah, it wouldn't bother me so much that Chris Pratt is playing an incompetent who is the star, even though there's a woman who's better at everything than them, who should be the hero of the movie, if that didn't already exist as a trope, you know, or anything like that.

[1:31:06] So I guess what I'm saying is thumbs up, best movie of the year.

[1:31:09] Go see it.

[1:31:09] Ten out of ten.

[1:31:10] A hundred stars.

[1:31:12] Move over, Seven Samurai, because there's a new best epic adventure about a band of heroes, and it's called the Super Mario Brothers movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:19] Hey, speaking of video games and bright colors, our show today is sponsored by Microdose Gummies.

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[1:31:31] And, you know, I talk a lot about, you know, chilling or, you know, enjoying them for recreation.

[1:31:37] I want to talk a little bit about—

[1:31:38] Dan's always talking about maximal relax and shooting a D-ball outside of the school.

[1:31:41] Oh, man.

[1:31:42] Yeah.

[1:31:42] Am I.

[1:31:44] But I also—I want to talk about how they can be used to make you feel a little bit better.

[1:31:49] I have a lot of joint pain.

[1:31:52] Some of it is—

[1:31:53] We're old men.

[1:31:54] Because, yes, I just entered my mid-40s.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:00] Dan just had a birthday, everybody, so you should—I mean, when we record this, when you listen to it, it's been weeks, and Dan is well past appreciating any attention.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:09] Yeah, that's right.

[1:32:10] I don't like any attention at all.

[1:32:12] Hates it.

[1:32:13] But I have a lot of joint pain.

[1:32:17] I—some of it, I may have some early arthritis.

[1:32:22] It's not good.

[1:32:23] It's not fun.

[1:32:24] You know what can help with that sometimes?

[1:32:26] Take a little microdose gummy.

[1:32:27] Take the edge off those aching joints and muscles.

[1:32:33] That's what you do with joints and muscles, right?

[1:32:34] You take the edge off of them.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:35] Take the edge off that thing, man.

[1:32:37] Yeah.

[1:32:38] You want to sand down your joints and sand down your muscles.

[1:32:41] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:42] Well, if this interests you, some muscle sanding, microdose is available nationwide.

[1:32:48] To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use code FLOP to get free shipping and 30% off your first order.

[1:32:57] Links can be found in the show description.

[1:33:00] But again, that is microdose.com, code FLOP.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:06] You know, the world has changed.

[1:33:09] I feel it in my bones.

[1:33:12] I taste it on the air.

[1:33:14] I taste it in the water.

[1:33:16] I smell it in the trees.

[1:33:18] Oh.

[1:33:19] And that's why you need a website.

[1:33:20] Okay.

[1:33:21] A website made by Squarespace.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:23] You know, Squarespace is an all-in-one platform that can help you create just that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:29] A website that will—you can sell anything.

[1:33:32] You can engage in your—with your audience.

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[1:33:37] Squarespace has powerful blogging tools to share stories, photos, and videos.

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S4

[1:34:42] Oh my gosh, hi, it's me, Dave Holmes, host of the pop culture game show Troubled Waters.

[1:34:47] On Troubled Waters, we play a whole host of games, like one where I describe a show using a limerick, and our guests have to figure out what it is.

[1:34:54] Let's do one right now.

[1:34:55] What show am I talking about?

[1:34:57] This podcast has game after game, and brilliant guests who come play him.

[1:35:01] The host is named Dave.

[1:35:02] It could be your fave, so try it.

[1:35:04] Life won't be the same.

[1:35:05] Uh, Big Business starring Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin.

[1:35:08] Close, but no.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:10] Oh, is it Troubled Waters, the pop culture quiz show with all your favorite comedians?

S4

[1:35:14] Yes, Troubled Waters is the answer.

[1:35:16] To this question, and all of my life's problems.

[1:35:19] Now, legally, we actually can't guarantee that.

[1:35:22] But you can find it on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:27] Jay Keith, do you know what I love more than the trivia, comedy, and celebrity guests on our podcast, Go Fact Yourself?

S4

[1:35:34] No, what, Ellen?

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:35] Sharing all of those things with an actual audience.

S4

[1:35:39] A live audience.

[1:35:40] Woo-hoo!

[1:35:41] Well, lucky for you listeners, Go Fact Yourself has brand new episodes featuring live audiences cheering on guests every month.

[1:35:47] And we still have all of our Zoom episodes with contestants and experts from around the world.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:51] We can truly have it all.

[1:35:54] Yay!

[1:35:55] You can hear it all twice a month, every month, on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts.

S4

[1:36:01] Yeah, no excuses.

[1:36:02] So if you're not listening.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:04] You can go fact yourself.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:10] The next thing is letters from listeners.

[1:36:14] People who listen to the show, just like you, write in.

[1:36:18] Just like you.

[1:36:19] And then we talk to them.

[1:36:21] Kind of a one-way conversation because they wrote the letter down and we just respond.

[1:36:26] But that's the way it works, guys.

[1:36:29] I hope I've adequately explained letters.

[1:36:33] The more you know.

[1:36:35] It's from Brian, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:36:39] Dear Flopsters,

[1:36:41] In second grade, my teacher was asking the class for examples of homophones.

[1:36:47] Everyone else in the class was giving examples like there, there, and there.

[1:36:51] And main and main.

[1:36:54] I raised my hand, was called on, and said,

[1:36:56] Hairy and hairy.

[1:36:58] And my teacher responded,

[1:37:00] No, no.

[1:37:01] That's not a homophone because they're pronounced differently.

[1:37:04] The name is pronounced hairy instead of hairy.

[1:37:08] I was the only example in the class that was rejected by the teacher

[1:37:12] and was horribly embarrassing to me as an eight-year-old.

[1:37:16] Fast forward to 2023, and in the Poker Face episode,

[1:37:19] the three of you made the joke that

[1:37:21] Harry Poppins is also the name of the porn parody,

[1:37:25] but hairy is spelled slightly differently,

[1:37:27] implying that the title would be called

[1:37:29] Hairy Poppins,

[1:37:31] which I assume refers to pubic hair.

[1:37:33] I can't begin to tell you how vindicated I felt

[1:37:36] when my favorite podcasters agreed with me

[1:37:39] that hairy and hairy are pronounced the same

[1:37:41] and are therefore homophones.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:43] Yeah, I'm losing my fucking mind.

[1:37:44] They're pronounced the same, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:37:45] Keep on homophoming in the free world.

[1:37:48] Brian, last name was wrong.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:48] I hate to stomp on Brian's dreams,

[1:37:52] but hairy and hairy actually don't sound the same to me.

[1:37:56] Really?

[1:37:57] I know they do to other people, though.

[1:37:58] This is an argument I've had with my wife many times.

[1:38:00] Oh, yeah, you have those super refined listening ears.

[1:38:03] I do.

[1:38:03] My ears are all—that there are different parts of the country

[1:38:06] where different words sound the same,

[1:38:08] and then they don't in other places.

[1:38:10] To me, the words marry, like the name marry,

[1:38:13] marry, like you marry someone,

[1:38:15] and marry, like I'm feeling married today,

[1:38:17] sound differently.

[1:38:18] But to my wife, who's from Northern California,

[1:38:20] they are all the same sound.

[1:38:21] Marry, marry, marry.

[1:38:22] Whereas to me, they are three separate sounds.

[1:38:24] And so, Brian, you are both right and wrong

[1:38:26] at the same time.

[1:38:27] I call it Schrodinger's pronunciation.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:31] You know, I was listening to Judge John Hodgman,

[1:38:33] you know, and our pals Hodgman and Jesse Thorne

[1:38:36] were talking, and it was a—

[1:38:39] they were having a—

[1:38:40] someone wrote in about,

[1:38:42] is it you'll get what you get

[1:38:44] and you won't get upset,

[1:38:46] or is it you'll get what you get

[1:38:49] and you won't throw a fit?

[1:38:51] What?

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:52] Yeah, well, they—

[1:38:54] That doesn't—

[1:38:55] because to them that rhymes,

[1:38:56] but it doesn't rhyme objectively.

[1:38:58] Here's the thing.

[1:39:00] Unless it's you get what you get

[1:39:01] and you won't throw a fit,

[1:39:03] like you won't throw Boba Fett.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:05] Yeah.

[1:39:05] Or a party.

[1:39:06] They were upset about it

[1:39:08] because they're like,

[1:39:09] those words,

[1:39:10] what are you talking—

[1:39:11] like, they were gobsmacked

[1:39:13] by the idea that anyone would think

[1:39:15] that get and get,

[1:39:16] or fit,

[1:39:17] like,

[1:39:18] sounded like.

[1:39:18] That rhyme, yeah.

[1:39:20] As someone who constantly receives

[1:39:23] abuse on this podcast

[1:39:25] for not really making a lot of—

[1:39:27] Which, on Judge John Hodgman,

[1:39:28] you get abuse?

[1:39:29] Different?

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:29] Yeah, they have a regular segment

[1:39:31] called Crap on Dan,

[1:39:33] where they just talk about

[1:39:35] how much they don't like Dan

[1:39:36] or what Dan did, yeah.

[1:39:37] Dan on Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:39:37] The very—

[1:39:38] I mean, like, you know,

[1:39:39] regional—

[1:39:39] That damn Dan.

[1:39:41] Those E and I sounds,

[1:39:43] to me,

[1:39:44] don't have much difference,

[1:39:46] if any.

[1:39:47] And I was enraged

[1:39:50] at their professed bafflement

[1:39:53] that anyone could possibly think

[1:39:55] that those words—

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:56] I hope you wrote in.

[1:39:57] But actually,

[1:39:58] did you hear the new

[1:39:59] Professed Bafflement album?

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:02] That's a crazy album.

[1:40:03] I mean, it's like so jazzy.

[1:40:05] Yeah, yeah.

[1:40:06] It's not like the usual stuff.

[1:40:07] No, I love it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:08] Yeah.

[1:40:09] But so, Dan,

[1:40:09] did you write in

[1:40:10] to judge John Hodgman?

Dan McCoy

[1:40:12] No.

[1:40:12] But I think that there should be

[1:40:13] less homophone policing

[1:40:15] going on,

[1:40:16] just like most policing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:18] Okay, wow.

[1:40:18] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:40:19] You're right.

[1:40:20] We often send the police

[1:40:20] to deal with homophone issues

[1:40:22] that could be dealt with

[1:40:22] by—

[1:40:23] Community interaction.

[1:40:25] Mental health professionals,

[1:40:27] medical professionals,

[1:40:27] or just local storekeepers.

[1:40:30] Yeah.

[1:40:30] Or respected local authority figures.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:33] Or like a Cuffs situation.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:34] Cuffs, yeah.

[1:40:35] If Christian Slater,

[1:40:37] you know,

[1:40:37] wanted to do sort of

[1:40:38] a Beverly Hills cop—

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:40] I'm just going to say right here,

[1:40:41] I don't think there are situations

[1:40:42] that Christian Slater

[1:40:43] is going to handle

[1:40:44] better than the police.

[1:40:45] I know that's—

[1:40:46] I don't think the police

[1:40:47] handle a lot of those

[1:40:48] situations correctly.

[1:40:49] I don't think Christian Slater

[1:40:49] is going to do a better job.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:51] Jack Nicholson impressions?

[1:40:52] Oh, what?

[1:40:53] All right, fair point, fair point.

[1:40:54] Also, hard rain.

[1:40:55] Yeah, fair point.

[1:40:56] Okay.

[1:40:57] There's a hard rain situation.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:58] You don't want to send

[1:40:59] the police to deal

[1:40:59] with hard rain.

[1:41:00] Just send Christian Slater.

[1:41:01] You did pretty well

Dan McCoy

[1:41:01] with that Broken Arrow

[1:41:02] thing that happened.

[1:41:04] That was a movie, Dan.

[1:41:05] That wasn't a real thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:06] Do you think

[1:41:07] if Austin Butler

[1:41:08] got cast in the

[1:41:09] Jack Nicholson biopic,

[1:41:10] Christian Slater

[1:41:11] would be really mad

[1:41:12] because Austin Butler

[1:41:12] would be so much better

[1:41:13] at doing Jack Nicholson

[1:41:14] than him?

[1:41:15] Yes.

[1:41:16] I do think so.

[1:41:17] Okay, cool.

[1:41:17] That's the answer I needed.

[1:41:19] I assume so, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:20] This next letter.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:21] There's only one up.

[1:41:22] Then they'd have to get together

[1:41:23] for a jack-off,

[1:41:24] see who's best.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:26] A good old-fashioned

[1:41:28] jack-off.

[1:41:30] This is from

[1:41:30] Kenny, last name withheld.

[1:41:33] Powers?

[1:41:34] Who?

[1:41:34] Probably.

[1:41:35] Probably fictional

[1:41:36] character Kenny Powers.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:37] We get a lot of letters

[1:41:38] from fictional characters.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:41] This letter goes,

[1:41:42] hello, flop.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:43] It's all written in capitals.

[1:41:44] It's got to be Kenny Powers.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:46] I already misspoke.

[1:41:48] Hello, flop-a-roonies.

[1:41:49] I'm a recent convert

[1:41:51] to the flop house.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:52] I'm actually an Andy Rooney,

[1:41:53] not a flop-a-rooney,

[1:41:53] but thank you.

[1:41:55] Oh, well, thank you

[1:41:55] for starting to listen.

[1:41:56] We appreciate it.

[1:41:57] Yeah.

[1:41:57] Yeah, thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:59] Our community outreach efforts

[1:42:00] have finally paid off.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:02] I had been subscribed.

[1:42:04] This is interesting,

[1:42:05] this next bit.

[1:42:05] That ad we bought

[1:42:05] during the Super Bowl

[1:42:06] finally netted us

[1:42:07] to one listener.

[1:42:08] Cost a lot,

[1:42:09] but I said it would work.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:11] I do like this next bit.

[1:42:12] I had been subscribed

[1:42:13] for a long time,

[1:42:14] but had never listened

[1:42:15] to an episode.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:17] Oh, okay.

[1:42:17] Well, that raises

[1:42:18] more questions

[1:42:19] than it answers, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:20] Hey, you know what?

[1:42:21] You know, I...

[1:42:23] To be fair...

[1:42:23] There's a lot of stuff

[1:42:24] out there.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:25] And I have that, too.

[1:42:26] I'll hear about a podcast,

[1:42:28] and I'll start subscribing to it

[1:42:29] and never get around

[1:42:29] listening to it,

[1:42:30] because I like the ones

[1:42:30] I listen to normally

[1:42:31] so much.

[1:42:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:34] And I have a lot of them

[1:42:35] at this point,

[1:42:36] so it's a high bar

[1:42:37] to join the rotation.

[1:42:39] But this person finally...

[1:42:42] Have you, Dan,

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:42] have you heard the new album

[1:42:43] from High Bar

[1:42:44] to Join the Rotation?

Dan McCoy

[1:42:45] Okay, okay, okay.

[1:42:48] Feels like a reach.

[1:42:49] I never listened

[1:42:49] to an episode.

[1:42:50] That all changed

[1:42:51] when I just could not

[1:42:52] get enough

[1:42:53] Black Adam discourse.

[1:42:55] The day I started listening

[1:42:56] was also the same day

[1:42:57] I went to see

[1:42:58] a repertory screening

[1:42:59] of Hard Target

[1:43:00] in Brooklyn.

[1:43:00] Still listening to the podcast,

[1:43:02] I took out my earbuds

[1:43:03] as I was riding

[1:43:04] the escalator

[1:43:05] and thought I was

[1:43:06] going crazy

[1:43:06] because I could still

[1:43:07] hear Dan talking.

[1:43:09] Now that I follow him

[1:43:10] on Letterboxd,

[1:43:11] however,

[1:43:11] I know I'm not crazy

[1:43:12] because he had Hard Target

[1:43:13] logged that day as well.

[1:43:16] That right.

[1:43:17] That's right.

[1:43:18] Seeing if a podcast host

[1:43:19] saw a movie

[1:43:20] the same night as me

[1:43:21] proves that I'm not crazy.

[1:43:24] They also write,

[1:43:25] as I listened to more episodes,

[1:43:27] I quickly realized

[1:43:27] that as a resident

[1:43:28] of Sunset Park,

[1:43:29] I've been to Minis

[1:43:30] several times.

[1:43:31] That's pretty cool.

[1:43:32] Anyway,

[1:43:33] I just needed to get

[1:43:33] these thoughts out of my head

[1:43:34] and I simply could not

[1:43:35] subject my wife

[1:43:36] to listening to me

[1:43:37] talk about another podcast,

[1:43:38] so I thought I'd just

[1:43:39] send an email and say

[1:43:40] thank you for making

[1:43:41] a show I like a lot

[1:43:43] Kenny Lasting withheld.

[1:43:44] It is true.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:45] I feel like if you go

[1:43:46] to the movies

[1:43:46] in Brooklyn or Manhattan,

[1:43:49] there's like a 50% chance

[1:43:50] you're going to run into

[1:43:51] Dan or like

[1:43:52] Griffin Newman or something.

[1:43:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:54] We are human beings

[1:43:56] who exist in

[1:43:57] meat space as well.

[1:43:58] And go to a lot of movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:01] There's a lot of New Yorkers

[1:44:02] who exist in meat space

[1:44:03] as human beings

[1:44:04] who you will not run into

[1:44:05] at a movie theater.

[1:44:06] It's similar to how

[1:44:07] I used to see

[1:44:08] Wallace Shawn

[1:44:09] in the audience

[1:44:10] of plays

[1:44:11] because he's a guy

[1:44:12] who goes to see

[1:44:12] a lot of plays.

[1:44:13] Not just that everyone

[1:44:14] in New York

[1:44:14] goes to plays all the time

[1:44:16] and you will eventually

[1:44:16] see them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:17] Yeah, you're like,

[1:44:18] yeah, you know,

[1:44:18] normal New York experience

[1:44:20] seeing Wallace Shawn

[1:44:21] everywhere and people are like,

[1:44:22] I don't have that experience.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:23] I was like,

[1:44:24] oh, I saw Wallace Shawn

[1:44:26] again the other day

[1:44:27] and they're like,

[1:44:28] who?

[1:44:29] I was like,

[1:44:29] you know,

[1:44:30] from the Princess Bride

[1:44:31] and Clueless

[1:44:32] and they're like,

[1:44:33] not familiar.

[1:44:33] And I go,

[1:44:34] the author of

[1:44:34] Aunt Dan and Lemon.

[1:44:35] Oh, yeah, right.

[1:44:36] Wait,

[1:44:37] you're familiar with his plays

[1:44:38] but you didn't remember

[1:44:39] his name?

[1:44:41] I think I've told the story

[1:44:43] of this before

[1:44:43] that one time

[1:44:45] I was in,

[1:44:45] often it would be,

[1:44:47] I would be with my grandmother

[1:44:48] when we would be

[1:44:48] in the audience of a play

[1:44:49] and Wallace Shawn

[1:44:50] would also be in the audience.

[1:44:51] There was one time

[1:44:51] it was a very small theater

[1:44:52] and during the intermission

[1:44:53] she's very loudly saying,

[1:44:55] who's that man over there?

[1:44:56] What's his name?

[1:44:57] He's an actor.

[1:44:58] And I was like,

[1:44:58] Wallace Shawn.

[1:44:59] Yeah, I can't hear you.

[1:45:00] Say it louder.

[1:45:01] What was his name?

[1:45:02] His father edited

[1:45:03] The New Yorker.

[1:45:03] What's his name?

[1:45:04] His name's Wallace Shawn.

[1:45:06] I can't hear you.

[1:45:07] Say it louder.

[1:45:07] And Wallace Shawn

[1:45:08] is, I think,

[1:45:08] two rows away.

[1:45:09] And the one

[1:45:10] could have easily

[1:45:11] stood up at any point

[1:45:12] and said,

[1:45:13] my name is Wallace Shawn

[1:45:13] but decided to ignore

[1:45:14] my grandmother.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:16] Yeah, I mean,

[1:45:16] I was seated

[1:45:17] two tables down

[1:45:17] from Ethan Hawke

[1:45:18] at a restaurant

[1:45:19] before a show

[1:45:20] the other day.

[1:45:21] This wasn't an invitation.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:22] Ethan Hudson Hawk himself.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:24] Yep,

[1:45:24] and I had a similar situation

[1:45:26] where I was like,

[1:45:26] oh wow,

[1:45:26] that's Ethan Hawke over there

[1:45:27] and Charlene's like,

[1:45:28] what?

[1:45:29] And I'm like,

[1:45:29] I'm not going to say it again.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:33] Reality, what?

[1:45:35] Gattaca?

[1:45:36] First Ra-hoo?

[1:45:40] Training what?

[1:45:43] So this is the part

[1:45:45] of the show

[1:45:46] where we recommend

[1:45:47] movies that we saw

[1:45:48] and enjoyed

[1:45:49] and maybe would be

[1:45:51] a better use of your time

[1:45:52] than the Super Mario Brothers movie.

[1:45:55] If that's even possible.

[1:45:57] Because,

[1:45:57] as Elliot mentioned,

[1:45:58] we were both in the UK,

[1:45:59] not together.

[1:46:00] Almost.

[1:46:01] I was arriving in Edinburgh

[1:46:03] just as Elliot was leaving,

[1:46:05] which almost feels insulting,

[1:46:07] but Elliot.

[1:46:08] I played my trip

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:09] like months ago,

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:11] but yeah.

[1:46:11] Elliot, Dan,

[1:46:12] and our producer

[1:46:13] were all in England

[1:46:14] at the same time.

[1:46:16] And I'm like,

[1:46:16] why did,

[1:46:17] are you guys doing

[1:46:17] a fucking show

[1:46:18] without me?

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:19] And you see,

[1:46:20] yeah,

[1:46:20] you see,

[1:46:21] you stumble the next day

[1:46:22] on the website

[1:46:23] that just says,

[1:46:24] Flophouse sells out

[1:46:25] Royal Albert Hall.

[1:46:27] Biggest show

[1:46:27] in British history.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:28] but I'm the most flexible.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:31] I have nothing in my life.

[1:46:33] This is how unflexible I am

[1:46:34] is that our producer,

[1:46:35] Alex,

[1:46:35] and I tried to find a time

[1:46:36] to meet up

[1:46:37] and even when we were

[1:46:38] in the same city

[1:46:39] in a foreign country,

[1:46:40] we could not find a moment

[1:46:41] where I was free enough

[1:46:43] to go meet him.

[1:46:44] But this was the first

Dan McCoy

[1:46:47] genuine,

[1:46:49] sorry,

[1:46:49] vacation

[1:46:50] that we kind of went on

[1:46:52] since COVID

[1:46:52] and it was in honor

[1:46:54] of my parents'

[1:46:55] 60th wedding anniversary,

[1:46:57] which is not important

[1:46:57] to the story,

[1:46:58] but I want to wish them

[1:46:59] a happy 60th.

[1:46:59] Dan doesn't consider

[1:47:00] the trip we did to Puerto Rico

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:02] to be a vacation.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:06] It was like a weekend thing.

[1:47:08] It was not,

[1:47:09] I mean,

[1:47:10] it was.

[1:47:10] It was a weekend thing.

[1:47:11] That's how I describe it.

[1:47:12] Anyway.

[1:47:14] Okay,

[1:47:15] the second time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:16] Yes,

[1:47:16] thank you.

[1:47:17] Perfect.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:18] You got him.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:19] No more Pinocchios.

[1:47:20] Pinocchio rescinded.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:21] The return of the summer vacation

[1:47:22] becomes the return

[1:47:24] of the plane movies,

[1:47:25] guys.

[1:47:26] I'm going to recommend a movie.

[1:47:27] I watched it on a plane.

[1:47:29] Now,

[1:47:29] Dan,

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:29] did you watch 80 for Brady,

[1:47:31] the movie that nearly everyone

[1:47:33] on both flights I took

[1:47:34] was watching?

[1:47:35] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:36] No,

[1:47:36] I didn't.

[1:47:37] And like everybody

[1:47:38] was laughing so hard,

[1:47:39] the plane almost fell

[1:47:40] out of the sky.

[1:47:40] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:40] we almost crashed

[1:47:41] because the pilot

[1:47:42] was laughing so hard

[1:47:43] because he was watching it too.

[1:47:44] It was in the

[1:47:44] Stuart Recommends section

[1:47:46] of the movies.

[1:47:47] Everyone was watching

[1:47:48] either 80 for Brady

[1:47:49] or A Man Called Otto

[1:47:50] and I'm like,

[1:47:51] I guess movie stars

[1:47:52] are what pull people in.

[1:47:53] That's what it is.

[1:47:53] Yeah.

[1:47:54] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:56] I watched a movie

[1:47:57] very similar,

[1:47:57] of course,

[1:47:58] to 80 for Brady

[1:47:58] called

[1:47:59] Women Talking,

[1:48:01] the screenplay

[1:48:03] Oscar winner.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:04] Everyone starts

[1:48:05] as a woman talking

[1:48:06] and becomes an 80 for Brady.

[1:48:07] Yeah,

[1:48:07] sure.

[1:48:07] Yeah.

[1:48:08] Sarah Polley,

Dan McCoy

[1:48:09] right?

[1:48:09] Sarah Polley,

[1:48:10] written and directed.

[1:48:12] Someone I've admired

[1:48:14] very much both

[1:48:14] as an actress

[1:48:15] and a filmmaker.

[1:48:16] This one's great.

[1:48:18] It's a movie

[1:48:20] that the subject matter

[1:48:21] is very tragic.

[1:48:23] Is it an Ammonite community?

[1:48:26] These women...

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:27] Ammonites are fossils,

[1:48:29] are extinct shellfish,

[1:48:32] but Mennonites are...

[1:48:33] It is a sort of

[1:48:34] sort of Ammonite Amish community.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:35] Is it extinct shellfish

[1:48:37] or is it a community of people?

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:39] So there's a community of...

[1:48:41] So that's the thing,

[1:48:41] is the women are all playing

[1:48:42] extinct shellfish.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:44] This is less...

[1:48:46] This is less respect

[1:48:48] than the subject

[1:48:49] of this movie should get.

[1:48:50] I mean,

[1:48:50] were you thinking about

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:51] the movie Ammonite,

[1:48:52] which is about women,

[1:48:53] but they're fossil hunters?

Dan McCoy

[1:48:55] Possibly.

[1:48:56] Possibly.

[1:48:56] Anyway,

[1:48:57] it's about women

[1:48:59] in a restrictive

[1:48:59] religious community

[1:49:00] who have discovered

[1:49:01] that the men

[1:49:03] have been drugging

[1:49:04] and raping them,

[1:49:05] which lends

[1:49:06] a terrible tone

[1:49:07] to all of the hijinks

[1:49:09] of the last few minutes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:11] I'm glad we made fun

[1:49:13] of your basic mispronunciation

[1:49:15] before we had revealed

[1:49:16] that to the audience.

[1:49:16] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:17] I'm glad that

[1:49:18] on this comedy podcast

[1:49:19] I made a joke.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:24] But it's about

[1:49:25] the women in the community,

[1:49:26] you know,

[1:49:27] as the men have gone

[1:49:28] to bail these monsters out,

[1:49:31] they're deciding

[1:49:32] what they should do

[1:49:33] whether they should say,

[1:49:36] whether they should leave,

[1:49:36] whether they should fight,

[1:49:37] what they should do about it.

[1:49:39] And it is,

[1:49:40] it is what it says,

[1:49:42] is women talking

[1:49:43] and debating this.

[1:49:45] And it could be,

[1:49:47] you know,

[1:49:48] a very dry movie

[1:49:52] with sort of

[1:49:53] the broad outlines

[1:49:54] of just like,

[1:49:55] it's about a meeting,

[1:49:56] essentially.

[1:49:57] But,

[1:49:58] like,

[1:49:59] the Phantom Menace.

[1:50:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:01] I mean,

[1:50:02] it is,

[1:50:02] it is both

[1:50:03] more,

[1:50:04] it is both,

[1:50:05] it is both more exciting

[1:50:07] than the Phantom Menace

[1:50:08] and more suspenseful

[1:50:09] and more interesting.

[1:50:10] All three of those things.

[1:50:11] I said both

[1:50:11] and I said more than two things.

[1:50:13] But, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:14] But it is a movie,

[1:50:14] it is very compelling.

[1:50:18] It is full of a lot of rage

[1:50:20] and sadness,

[1:50:20] but also kindness

[1:50:22] and hope.

[1:50:24] And it's,

[1:50:25] you know,

[1:50:25] it's a movie that is,

[1:50:26] you know,

[1:50:28] very sort of complex

[1:50:30] in its worldview.

[1:50:31] Like,

[1:50:31] these women

[1:50:32] have been held down

[1:50:33] by the strictures

[1:50:36] of power

[1:50:36] in their community,

[1:50:37] but they also find

[1:50:38] a lot of strength

[1:50:40] from their religious faith

[1:50:41] going forward.

[1:50:44] And,

[1:50:44] it's just a bunch

[1:50:47] of tremendous actors,

[1:50:49] you know,

[1:50:50] in a room

[1:50:50] acting,

[1:50:53] you know.

[1:50:54] Tremendously.

[1:50:54] Oh, well.

[1:50:55] Yeah,

[1:50:55] give me some names.

[1:50:56] Who's in this thing?

[1:50:59] Geez.

[1:51:00] Why can't I remember their names?

[1:51:01] Have you heard of

[1:51:02] Frances McDormand,

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:04] perhaps?

Dan McCoy

[1:51:05] Hollywood heavyweight.

[1:51:06] She's so briefly in it,

[1:51:08] though.

[1:51:08] Yeah,

[1:51:08] she's not in it very much.

[1:51:09] It's almost baffling.

[1:51:11] I can't remember

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:12] the woman who was in.

[1:51:13] Have you heard of Ben Whishaw,

[1:51:14] who's not a woman,

[1:51:14] but is in the movie

[1:51:15] quite a bit?

Dan McCoy

[1:51:15] Oh, okay.

[1:51:16] Yeah,

[1:51:16] I've heard of him.

[1:51:17] Who's the woman in,

[1:51:19] I'm thinking of ending things.

[1:51:21] Jessie Buckley.

[1:51:22] She's really in it.

[1:51:23] Jessie Buckley?

[1:51:23] She's in it.

[1:51:24] Oh,

[1:51:24] one of your favorites.

[1:51:26] Claire Foy.

[1:51:29] A lot of great performers.

[1:51:32] Judith Ivey.

[1:51:34] But yeah,

[1:51:35] unsurprisingly,

[1:51:36] it's very good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:38] That sounds good.

[1:51:38] Yeah,

[1:51:39] I put that off.

[1:51:39] I think that was one of the only

[1:51:40] Best Picture,

[1:51:42] it was a Best Picture nominee,

[1:51:43] right?

[1:51:43] Yes,

[1:51:44] it was.

[1:51:44] That was one of the few

[1:51:45] that I put off,

[1:51:46] but maybe,

[1:51:47] that's one that,

[1:51:47] maybe I'll give it a watch.

Dan McCoy

[1:51:49] It's very easy to think

[1:51:50] it's a movie

[1:51:51] that's just going to be

[1:51:52] upsetting only,

[1:51:55] and maybe you're not

[1:51:57] in the mood for that,

[1:51:58] but it,

[1:52:00] you know,

[1:52:00] it hits a lot more tones

[1:52:02] that,

[1:52:02] and is,

[1:52:04] you know,

[1:52:04] just,

[1:52:04] it's kind of transforming

[1:52:06] in certain ways.

[1:52:07] Cool.

[1:52:07] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:52:08] Hey guys,

[1:52:09] I am going to

[1:52:11] break the rules

[1:52:12] of our podcast.

[1:52:13] I'm not going to recommend

[1:52:14] a movie at all.

[1:52:16] What?

[1:52:16] I know.

[1:52:17] Get out.

[1:52:18] Get the fuck out of here.

[1:52:19] Nope.

[1:52:20] Nope.

[1:52:20] I'm one third owner.

[1:52:22] I can do what I want.

[1:52:23] You think you know someone

[1:52:25] and then,

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:25] and then they betray you

[1:52:26] like this.

[1:52:27] Yes,

Stuart Wellington

[1:52:27] you stab them in the back.

[1:52:29] Is it me?

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:30] Did I do something?

Stuart Wellington

[1:52:31] Dan,

[1:52:31] is it my fault?

[1:52:33] Yes.

[1:52:33] No,

[1:52:33] it's you.

[1:52:34] It's your fault.

[1:52:35] You made this happen.

[1:52:37] I am not going to

[1:52:38] recommend a movie.

[1:52:39] I'm going to recommend

[1:52:40] a TV program.

[1:52:41] I'm going to recommend

[1:52:42] a show that was on,

[1:52:44] I think,

[1:52:45] HBO about a year

[1:52:46] or so ago.

[1:52:47] It is the

[1:52:48] Luca Guadagino series,

[1:52:50] We Are Who We Are.

[1:52:52] Or wait,

[1:52:52] We Are What We Are.

[1:52:53] God damn it.

[1:52:54] I can't remember

[1:52:55] what the name is.

[1:52:56] Give me a second.

[1:52:56] I'm pulling it.

[1:52:57] I don't remember anything.

[1:52:58] It's not RRR.

[1:52:59] We are,

[1:53:01] we are who we are.

[1:53:02] We are Marshall.

[1:53:03] Thank you.

[1:53:04] So it is.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:05] We are Marshall.

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:07] So I,

[1:53:08] I've mentioned this

[1:53:09] on the show before,

[1:53:10] but I'm a huge fan

[1:53:12] of Luca Guadagino's

[1:53:13] film work.

[1:53:14] He manages to make

[1:53:16] these movies

[1:53:16] that are very romantic

[1:53:18] and also

[1:53:19] very like tactile

[1:53:21] and lush

[1:53:22] and beautiful.

[1:53:24] And this show

[1:53:26] kind of continues that.

[1:53:27] It's about a group

[1:53:28] of teenagers

[1:53:29] who live on an

[1:53:30] American military base

[1:53:31] in Italy

[1:53:31] in 2016.

[1:53:35] So you have a little bit

[1:53:36] of the backdrop

[1:53:36] of the 2016 election

[1:53:37] and the base,

[1:53:38] you know,

[1:53:39] the world events

[1:53:39] at that time.

[1:53:41] And it's impressive

[1:53:42] in that like

[1:53:43] as the show begins

[1:53:44] and you're introduced

[1:53:45] to these characters

[1:53:46] in this world,

[1:53:48] you,

[1:53:49] I mean,

[1:53:50] at least for me,

[1:53:50] I did not like

[1:53:52] some of the characters

[1:53:53] at all.

[1:53:54] And as the show continues,

[1:53:56] you,

[1:53:57] you get to know

[1:53:58] these,

[1:53:58] the characters

[1:53:59] and their,

[1:54:00] you know,

[1:54:00] various,

[1:54:02] at their high points,

[1:54:03] at their worst points.

[1:54:05] And,

[1:54:06] I don't know,

[1:54:07] like it felt very beautiful

[1:54:08] to me

[1:54:09] and very real.

[1:54:11] And,

[1:54:12] as the show wrapped up,

[1:54:14] I,

[1:54:14] you know,

[1:54:15] I miss them now.

[1:54:16] So,

[1:54:17] despite,

[1:54:18] you know,

[1:54:18] their flaws,

[1:54:20] I found it to be

[1:54:21] a very moving show.

[1:54:23] You might not,

[1:54:24] you might not have

[1:54:25] the patience

[1:54:25] or interest in it,

[1:54:26] but we are who we are.

[1:54:28] I thought it was a lot of fun

[1:54:29] and I didn't really hear

[1:54:30] anybody talking about it.

[1:54:32] But if that kind of thing

[1:54:33] interests you,

[1:54:34] check it out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:35] And I am gonna

[1:54:36] change gears

[1:54:37] and follow the rules

[1:54:38] for once,

[1:54:38] like a good little boy

[1:54:39] and recommend a movie.

[1:54:41] Because it's,

[1:54:42] this is a movie podcast.

[1:54:43] I don't think it's called

[1:54:44] The Flop Tube.

[1:54:45] Although,

[1:54:45] sometimes it is called

[1:54:46] Two Boy Talking Tube

[1:54:48] to Two Dudes

[1:54:48] Tonight Alright.

[1:54:51] Or Today Yes Way.

[1:54:52] Today Yes Way.

[1:54:54] This is gonna be

[1:54:54] a kind of different thing

[1:54:55] for me, guys.

[1:54:56] I'm gonna recommend

[1:54:56] a Czech New Wave movie.

[1:54:58] Have I done that before?

[1:55:00] No,

[1:55:01] what's a Czech New Wave?

[1:55:02] So,

[1:55:03] that's a good point.

[1:55:03] Have you guys heard

[1:55:04] the new Czech New Wave album?

[1:55:06] So,

[1:55:06] the film movement

[1:55:08] from the mid-1960s

[1:55:09] to the,

[1:55:11] it had kind of

[1:55:11] petered out

[1:55:11] by the late 1960s

[1:55:12] because the government

[1:55:13] was cracking down

[1:55:14] on free expression

[1:55:15] in Czechoslovakia.

[1:55:17] But,

[1:55:17] Czech filmmakers,

[1:55:18] they did some amazing work

[1:55:19] in the 60s.

[1:55:19] And this is a movie

[1:55:20] that I've been wanting

[1:55:21] to see for a while

[1:55:22] and I finally found it

[1:55:22] on YouTube

[1:55:23] with a mostly

[1:55:24] pretty good

[1:55:25] English subtitling.

[1:55:27] and it's written

[1:55:28] and directed

[1:55:28] by Yuri Menzel

[1:55:29] who made my favorite

[1:55:30] Czech movie,

[1:55:31] Closely Watch Trains.

[1:55:32] This movie is called

[1:55:33] Larks on a String

[1:55:34] and it stars,

[1:55:36] among other people,

[1:55:37] the same lead

[1:55:37] from Closely Watch Trains,

[1:55:39] although he's part

[1:55:39] of an ensemble here.

[1:55:40] This is a movie

[1:55:40] that was made

[1:55:41] in 1969

[1:55:42] but it was banned

[1:55:43] by the Czech government

[1:55:43] and not released

[1:55:44] officially until 1990.

[1:55:47] And it's the story

[1:55:48] of the relationships

[1:55:49] and eccentricities

[1:55:50] of a small group

[1:55:51] of men and women

[1:55:52] who are being forced

[1:55:52] to work at a junkyard

[1:55:54] as part of their re-education

[1:55:55] by the communist government.

[1:55:57] And that makes it sound

[1:55:59] very dour

[1:56:00] but it's actually

[1:56:01] a really light,

[1:56:02] fun movie

[1:56:03] for most of the runtime.

[1:56:04] It's a very funny

[1:56:05] kind of warm movie

[1:56:06] and it's all about

[1:56:07] the need for human connection

[1:56:08] and how even when you're

[1:56:11] under an oppressive government

[1:56:12] people still feel

[1:56:12] the need to flirt,

[1:56:14] to fall in love

[1:56:14] and to make friends

[1:56:15] and so forth

[1:56:16] and kind of shows

[1:56:17] how that oppressiveness,

[1:56:19] that oppression

[1:56:19] makes that harder

[1:56:20] but it doesn't go away.

[1:56:21] And there's this

[1:56:21] really wonderful scene in it

[1:56:22] where the characters

[1:56:24] trick the guy

[1:56:25] guarding them

[1:56:26] into leaving his post

[1:56:27] so that they can all

[1:56:28] kind of crowd around

[1:56:29] a barrel fire together

[1:56:30] on a cold day

[1:56:32] and the sheer pleasure

[1:56:33] that they get

[1:56:34] from just standing

[1:56:35] close to each other

[1:56:35] and kind of having

[1:56:37] their hands

[1:56:37] close to each other

[1:56:38] is just really beautiful.

[1:56:39] It's a really,

[1:56:40] I found it would be

[1:56:40] a really moving scene.

[1:56:41] So it's a really warm,

[1:56:42] sweet movie.

[1:56:43] It's very delightful at times

[1:56:44] but it still manages

[1:56:46] by the very end

[1:56:46] to leave a very bleak

[1:56:47] uncomfortable taste

[1:56:48] in your mouth

[1:56:49] and for most of the movie

[1:56:50] I was like,

[1:56:51] why did they ban this?

[1:56:52] But in the end

[1:56:52] I was like,

[1:56:52] I understand why they banned this.

[1:56:53] Like I get it.

[1:56:54] The cumulative effect of it.

[1:56:56] I will warn you,

[1:56:57] there's one scene

[1:56:58] that I found off-putting

[1:56:59] where two characters

[1:57:00] I think are being presented

[1:57:02] as creepy perverts

[1:57:03] and I think the movie

[1:57:04] is not finding it funny

[1:57:06] but I am not totally sure.

[1:57:08] So that one scene

[1:57:09] I did not,

[1:57:10] it was a little too far for me.

[1:57:12] But otherwise,

[1:57:13] I found it to be,

[1:57:14] aside from that one scene,

[1:57:15] I found it to just be like

[1:57:16] just a really kind of

[1:57:17] beautiful,

[1:57:18] very sweet movie

[1:57:19] that still managed

[1:57:21] to have this kind of,

[1:57:22] this,

[1:57:23] you know,

[1:57:24] you're a cookie full of arsenic

[1:57:25] like they say

[1:57:26] in Sweet Smell of Success.

[1:57:27] And I can see why they banned it

[1:57:28] and I'm glad

[1:57:29] that it eventually came out

[1:57:30] because it's really good.

[1:57:30] It's called

[1:57:31] Larks on a String.

[1:57:32] Okay,

[1:57:33] three movies recommended.

[1:57:36] Yeah.

[1:57:36] Two movies

[1:57:37] and one Abomination.

[1:57:40] Hey, guys.

[1:57:40] It's just a television show.

[1:57:41] I'm just making,

[1:57:42] I'm just joking.

[1:57:43] It's a TV show.

[1:57:44] Abomination doesn't have

[1:57:45] its own show yet anyway.

[1:57:46] No,

[1:57:47] he's only appeared

[1:57:47] in a couple novel movies.

[1:57:48] Yeah,

[1:57:49] and shows.

[1:57:50] Yeah,

[1:57:50] and shows.

[1:57:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:57:52] We've come to the end

[1:57:53] of another episode

[1:57:54] and you know what?

[1:57:55] The next one

[1:57:55] is going to be our 400th.

[1:57:57] What?

[1:57:58] Amazing.

[1:57:59] 400 episodes.

[1:57:59] Yeah.

[1:58:00] We,

[1:58:00] I think.

[1:58:01] We should do a big movie

[1:58:02] like the Super Mario Brothers

[1:58:03] movie for that.

[1:58:05] Well,

[1:58:06] we are doing a big movie

[1:58:07] but in a different way.

[1:58:08] We're doing one of the

[1:58:09] classics of the bad cinema canon.

[1:58:13] Yes.

[1:58:13] Something that we have avoided

[1:58:15] in the past

[1:58:16] because maybe we felt like,

[1:58:17] oh,

[1:58:17] is there any more meat

[1:58:18] on that bone?

[1:58:19] But you know what?

[1:58:20] We're going to go

[1:58:20] suck on that bone.

[1:58:22] Yeah,

[1:58:22] we're just going to

[1:58:23] gnaw that bone.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58:23] We're going to bone town.

[1:58:25] Crack it open,

[1:58:26] suck the marrow out.

[1:58:27] Just,

[1:58:27] yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:58:28] I think we can say

[1:58:29] we're going to,

[1:58:29] we're going to talk

[1:58:30] about Troll 2.

[1:58:31] Troll 2.

[1:58:32] The best,

[1:58:33] worst movie.

[1:58:34] Yeah,

[1:58:34] not Troll 2.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58:35] Troll 2.

[1:58:36] Troll 2.

[1:58:36] There's more than one

[1:58:37] troll in it

[1:58:37] but it's just Troll 2.

[1:58:38] I got mixed up.

Dan McCoy

[1:58:38] Yeah,

[1:58:39] it's just Troll 2.

[1:58:40] It's not Trolls

[1:58:41] World Tour.

[1:58:42] We're watching

[1:58:43] singular troll.

[1:58:46] They could have just

Stuart Wellington

[1:58:47] called it

[1:58:47] Trolls World Tour.

[1:58:50] Like T-W-O-R.

[1:58:53] But it wasn't

[1:58:53] the second one.

[1:58:54] They could have.

[1:58:55] But they didn't.

[1:58:55] Yeah,

[1:58:56] they didn't.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58:56] I will say

[1:58:57] Trolls World Tour

[1:58:57] is the movie that

[1:58:58] introduced my son

[1:59:00] to the song

[1:59:00] Barracuda.

[1:59:01] So I'll give it that.

[1:59:02] Although he now

[1:59:03] refers to that song

[1:59:03] as the song

[1:59:04] from Trolls World Tour

[1:59:05] which offends me.

[1:59:07] It's not from

[1:59:07] Trolls World Tour.

[1:59:08] I mean,

[1:59:08] it's in it

[1:59:08] but it's not from the,

[1:59:09] anyway,

[1:59:10] Troll 2.

[1:59:10] That's the movie

[1:59:10] we're going to be

[1:59:11] talking about.

[1:59:12] Yeah.

[1:59:13] often called

[1:59:14] the best worst movie

[1:59:15] is it really?

[1:59:17] Find out

[1:59:17] when the Flop Boys

[1:59:18] take it on

[1:59:19] for our 400th episode

[1:59:20] regular episode

[1:59:22] spectacular.

Stuart Wellington

[1:59:23] Wow,

[1:59:23] that's what?

[1:59:25] 16 years

[1:59:26] of doing the podcast?

[1:59:27] Yeah.

[1:59:28] What?

[1:59:28] Don't remind me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:29] Yeah.

[1:59:30] Crazy.

[1:59:31] What a life.

[1:59:32] Anyway.

[1:59:35] I've never seen

[1:59:36] the life flashed before

[1:59:37] in the eyes

[1:59:37] of a living person

[1:59:38] before.

Dan McCoy

[1:59:41] So much of it

[1:59:42] was Russell Crowe

[1:59:43] and Paul Bettany.

[1:59:45] Two fine actors.

[1:59:46] They should get

[1:59:47] better agents.

[1:59:48] Anyway.

[1:59:50] Yeah.

[1:59:51] This has been great.

[1:59:52] If you like the show,

[1:59:54] please tell your friends.

[1:59:56] If you don't like the show,

[1:59:57] keep it to yourself.

Stuart Wellington

[1:59:58] Why not?

[1:59:59] If you love

[2:00:00] the Super Mario Brothers movie

[2:00:01] and you're like super mad

[2:00:02] that we didn't like it

[2:00:03] that much.

[2:00:03] Super Maddio Brothers,

[2:00:04] yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:05] Our opinion

[2:00:06] don't mean shit to you.

[2:00:07] Don't worry about it.

[2:00:08] Ignore us.

[2:00:09] Like it.

[2:00:10] That's cool too.

[2:00:12] Thanks for listening though

[2:00:13] and thank you

[2:00:14] to Maximum Fun.

[2:00:16] If you like this podcast,

[2:00:17] there are other

[2:00:17] great podcasts

[2:00:19] over at MaximumFun.org.

[2:00:21] That is our podcasting network.

[2:00:23] If you like the sound

[2:00:24] of the show,

[2:00:25] that is all thanks

[2:00:25] to our producer,

[2:00:26] Alex Smith.

[2:00:27] You can find him

[2:00:28] on various socials

[2:00:29] under the name

[2:00:29] HowellDotty,

[2:00:31] H-O-W-E-L-L-D-A-W-D-Y.

[2:00:38] You did it.

[2:00:39] You did it.

[2:00:40] Good job.

[2:00:41] Alex,

[2:00:42] pick an easier

[2:00:43] to spell moniker

[2:00:44] next time.

[2:00:44] Can you use it

[2:00:45] in a sentence now?

[2:00:48] Go watch

[2:00:49] the Twitch stream

[2:00:50] that HowellDotty does.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:52] I'll allow it.

[2:00:53] It's technically a sentence.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:55] Anyway,

[2:00:56] thanks all of you

[2:00:57] for listening.

[2:00:58] For the Flap House,

[2:00:58] I've been Dan McCoy.

[2:01:00] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:01] And I'm Super Elliot Kalin

[2:01:03] because I ate a mushroom

[2:01:04] and it made me bigger.

[2:01:05] It's a him.

Stuart Wellington

[2:01:06] Oh, okay.

[2:01:08] Bye.

[2:01:09] Get out of here.

Dan McCoy

[2:01:20] On this episode,

[2:01:21] we discuss

[2:01:25] It's a me,

[2:01:26] movie.

[2:01:29] Let's do that one over again.

[2:01:30] No,

[2:01:30] that was fucking good.

[2:01:33] Because I almost

[2:01:33] started laughing

[2:01:34] through,

[2:01:35] like,

[2:01:35] right in the title.

[2:01:36] So,

[2:01:36] hold on.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:37] Yeah,

[2:01:37] I don't think

[2:01:38] that gets any more perfect,

[2:01:39] but if you want

[2:01:39] to do it again,

[2:01:40] you can.

Dan McCoy

[2:01:40] Let's just try it

[2:01:41] and Alex can decide.

[2:01:42] He can be the comedy judge.

[2:01:44] On this episode,

[2:01:45] we discuss

[2:01:48] The movie.

[2:01:49] The movie.

[2:01:55] MaximumFun.org

S5

[2:01:56] Comedy and culture.

[2:01:58] Artist owned.

[2:01:59] Audience supported.

Ep. #399 The Super Mario Bros. Movie

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