Ep. #401 - Book Club: The Next Chapter

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Book Club, the next chapter.

[0:05] Phase three of the Jane Fonda and her elderly friends cinematic universe.

[0:10] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:34] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] And I'm Elliot Kalin, and I'm super excited about Flop TV, our upcoming run of monthly

[0:41] live streaming shows.

[0:43] Tickets available at theflophouse.simpletics.com.

[0:46] More information about that later in the show.

[0:48] But Dan, do what you're doing.

[0:49] It's cute.

[0:50] Just do your adorable thing.

[0:51] Cute?

[0:52] Yeah, it's pretty cute.

[0:53] I'm sorry.

[0:54] Also, someone bought us flophouselive.com, if that's easier to remember.

[0:59] Hey, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie or one that maybe didn't set the critical

[1:07] world ablaze.

[1:08] Dan, the one we watched today was bad.

[1:11] There's no need to qualify it ahead of time.

[1:13] Spoiler alert.

[1:14] Look, I want to make sure that people understand.

[1:17] This is the thing.

[1:18] Like, no matter how many times I tell people, no matter how many times you get out there,

[1:22] maybe by this time, they're trolling me.

[1:25] I say, it doesn't have to be a financial flop.

[1:27] They're like, but this movie made money.

[1:29] I'm like, it doesn't matter.

[1:31] It's like what the reaction was to it.

[1:33] That's the main way we choose.

[1:35] These are like real people, not just like strong men you're battling with.

[1:38] Well, I mean, they're on Twitter, so I don't know how real they are.

[1:40] I think they're the voices in your head as you take a shower and you have nothing else

[1:43] to distract you.

[1:44] Because I would say, looking at the numbers, this movie I don't think made money.

[1:48] Uh, well, probably not once you factor in marketing and promotion.

[1:53] No, it did make money above its budget, but yeah.

[1:56] We could just say that this is a podcast where we watch a movie.

[2:00] Yeah, you could just do that.

[2:01] Well, that seems a little less distinctive.

[2:03] It just seems strange that we've been doing this podcast.

[2:05] Dan wants to open it up so that he can watch TV shows sometimes.

[2:09] We've done this podcast for over 400 episodes now.

[2:12] Congratulations, guys.

[2:13] Oh, thank you.

[2:14] And how is it that as we go on, the way we describe it gets longer?

[2:17] We should be refining it, refining it over time.

[2:21] It's important.

[2:22] You know, this came out at the same time as, what was it, like a couple of big movies,

[2:25] Guardians 3 and something else.

[2:28] Like this was real counter-programming.

[2:29] Something else the movie.

[2:30] Something else has got to give.

[2:33] Oh, Super Mario.

[2:34] Yeah, and it is smart to release this at the same time as this, although when I saw Super

[2:38] Mario with my sons, they played the trailer for this beforehand and I thought it was an

[2:42] interesting choice.

[2:43] But then they played the trailer for every movie before this.

[2:47] Sammy went nuts when he saw Diane Keaton.

[2:50] I'm so glad she's making movies.

[2:52] I'm so glad she's making movies.

[2:53] I loved her in Something's Gotta Give and I was like, what, that's the one?

[2:57] Like I love how she dresses like a cool Urkel with a hat all the time.

[3:04] She's amazing.

[3:05] I love her.

[3:06] Urkel wore a lot of cardigans and like turtlenecks.

[3:09] It's like, her pants are so high.

[3:13] By cool Urkel with a hat, what you mean is Urkel with a hat, because cool is kind of

[3:18] self-explanatory.

[3:19] Her pants are super high and her shirts are buttoned all the way up to the top and she's

[3:25] always wearing long sleeves.

[3:27] My pants are back in, but your shirt to the top, I don't know if it's still in.

[3:31] I noticed it was back in a while ago and I'm like, really?

[3:35] We're doing this now?

[3:36] That's so uncomfortable.

[3:37] Why not?

[3:38] Why not?

[3:39] It's just the way.

[3:40] But I will say, there's a scene later in the movie we'll get to where Diane Keaton, there's

[3:43] a dress with like spots, like a white dress with black spots on it and they're like, it's

[3:47] like you as a dress.

[3:48] And I was like, movie, I'll give you credit.

[3:50] You did it.

[3:51] That is Diane Keaton as a dress.

[3:52] Yeah, it's perfect.

[3:53] Yeah, I love it.

[3:54] It was a perfect dress for her.

[3:57] And the other day I went shopping and I bought some high-waisted trousers and Charlene called

[4:01] me daddy-o and I'm like, that's not dissuading me from buying these.

[4:04] Yeah, I can't believe we're starting off by criticizing Diane Keaton's sartorial choices.

[4:10] A woman who has a very distinct style that, okay, I just want to clarify.

[4:14] And it works perfectly for her.

[4:16] It's a great style for her.

[4:17] I think we're all a fit.

[4:18] I mean, look, let's, I'm going to get one thing straight off here.

[4:20] I'm a fan of all the ladies in this movie and some of the men, Diane Keaton is by far

[4:25] my favorite of them.

[4:26] I've loved her in movies since I was young.

[4:28] She's amazing.

[4:29] I find her to be like such a unique personality in film in a way that she is somehow both,

[4:34] she is somehow like a brilliant ditz, you know, that's always been like, but she can

[4:40] do other things.

[4:41] But when she is more herself in the movies, that's how it comes off.

[4:45] But it's not that much going on in this movie.

[4:47] So if we got to talk about something, I guess we'll talk about Diane Keaton's clothes, which

[4:50] is too bad because she does dress great.

[4:52] Her style is fantastic.

[4:54] I, there was, I couldn't find actual like backup for the, you know, a letterbox review

[5:02] that claimed that this movie existed because, uh, what's her face?

[5:06] Candice Bergen wanted to take a trip with these ladies to Italy and that's why she pitched

[5:12] it.

[5:13] I couldn't find, uh, any confirmation, but did you try texting Candice Bergen?

[5:18] Oh, I should.

[5:19] Yeah.

[5:20] Did you ask Candy about it?

[5:21] I do like talking with my friend Candy.

[5:23] Hold on, let me finish this thought.

[5:25] Okay.

[5:26] Sorry.

[5:27] Uh, no, I just, as much as we may have like called the original book club thin and we

[5:34] have said over the years that this is the least movie, something could be and be a movie

[5:39] like this movie.

[5:41] This is really, really tissue thin.

[5:43] It makes 80 for Brady look like a richly textured epic.

[5:47] I will say back up for that Candice Bergen theory is that in, on the Wikipedia entry

[5:52] under possible sequel, it says Bergen said a possible third film could take place at

[5:56] Burning Man or quote Hong Kong just because I think she really is just pitching places

[6:04] she wants to go.

[6:05] Yeah.

[6:06] I'm into it.

[6:07] Uh, now we're going to see Adam Sandler of, of elder female actors where it's just like,

[6:10] where am I taking a vacation?

[6:11] Okay.

[6:12] My friends will come.

[6:13] We'll make a movie.

[6:14] The, well, and this movie begins with our, our hair, our heroes in quarantine and we

[6:20] did the first book club movie right at the start of quarantine, right?

[6:24] Yeah.

[6:25] That's probably where they got the idea.

[6:26] Yeah.

[6:27] I can't remember.

[6:28] I feel like we did it for some reason.

[6:30] I feel like it was the first movie we did entirely remotely when I was like, actually

[6:35] had COVID and was like, I'm going to die doing what I love talking about book club.

[6:42] Yeah.

[6:43] Maybe that, maybe that's why book club, the original, I remember affecting me emotionally.

[6:49] I think there's, there's a, there's going to be a time when flop historians look back

[6:55] at this period and they're like, Dan was very emotional for a couple of years when he watched

[6:58] the movies.

[6:59] Oh, that's because everyone was going through the apocalypse.

[7:02] That's why normally Dan was known as Stoneheart McCoy because, because he was a walking, Glomgold

[7:10] the same name, cold as the tomb, cold as a ghost's hand on your shoulder while you're

[7:18] taking a shower in a haunted bathroom, it's especially cold because you're not wearing

[7:23] a shirt.

[7:24] Uh, so guys, should we talk about what happens in book club the next, the next chapter and

[7:28] the title does open it up for more chapters.

[7:30] This is the next chapter.

[7:31] Yeah.

[7:32] It doesn't say final chapter.

[7:33] Like I missed the final chapter is that it's somehow it ends with them on the lip of a

[7:38] volcano as the world is crumbling around them and they have to like, they have to steal

[7:42] a gem from an evil warlord that's using it to control the earth.

[7:46] Like, well, this is like ice nine or some shit.

[7:48] Yeah.

[7:49] Somehow they, they ended up in a, in storm bringer and literally the forces of chaos

[7:53] are making the earth unstable beneath their feet.

[7:55] Yeah.

[7:56] But luckily it ties into whatever book they were just reading.

[7:59] Well, yeah, they're reading storm bringer by, by, uh, by Michael Moorcock.

[8:03] So they're like, Oh, this is just like when Elric called, called upon the forces of law

[8:08] to help.

[8:09] Yeah.

[8:10] They're like, let's do another dirty book, like 50 shades of gray.

[8:12] This author's name is Moorcock.

[8:14] Yes, please.

[8:15] I'd like some weird of the white wolf now there's, now there's nothing I want to see

[8:23] more than that is, is, is the book club the next chapter again?

[8:27] And it's the next, next chapter reading the Elric novels.

[8:29] What's this Von Beck guy all about?

[8:33] I'd like to see his Ebon blade.

[8:35] Okay.

[8:36] So, uh, the, uh, uh, and one of them, their pants falls down and the other one that's

[8:42] your Hawk moon, you know?

[8:43] Uh, yep.

[8:44] So you got any eternal champion?

[8:46] No, I don't.

[8:47] Okay.

[8:48] Are you familiar with the, with the Michael Moorcock universe?

[8:50] Okay.

[8:51] I only through the final program that we did.

[8:54] Yeah.

[8:55] Yeah.

[8:56] Cool.

[8:57] A little bit about Jerry Cornelius.

[8:58] Sure.

[8:59] Yeah.

[9:00] Yeah.

[9:01] With Joel and Matt McGinnis.

[9:02] Yeah.

[9:03] Smiling Stan.

[9:04] Yeah.

[9:05] Episode.

[9:06] Whatever.

[9:07] So let's get onto the book of the next chapter.

[9:09] Okay.

[9:10] So just to refresh everybody's memories in the previous movie called book club, we were

[9:13] introduced to four women whose character names I'm just not going to bother with.

[9:17] I'm just calling them by their actors names.

[9:19] Okay.

[9:20] There's no reason.

[9:21] Uh, it's Diane.

[9:22] That's your Diane Keaton's characters is named Diane.

[9:25] Uh, they've been friends for decades.

[9:27] They're now in a book club in the previous movie inspired by 50 shades of gray.

[9:31] They made some changes to their lives.

[9:33] Free loving hotelier Jane Fonda allows herself to fall in love with Don Johnson nervous widow

[9:38] Diane Keaton allows herself to love Andy Garcia, Mary Steenburgen rekindles her sex

[9:43] life with husband Craig T Nelson and judge and elderly incel Candace Bergen finally thaws

[9:48] and has sex with Richard Dreyfuss.

[9:50] And so that's the first movie.

[9:52] That's the whole thing.

[9:53] You don't need to know anymore.

[9:54] We open with a voiceover.

[9:55] Diane Keaton asks, how does a woman in her seventies get married?

[10:00] We don't get the answer to that question yet.

[10:01] First, we get a long montage of the ladies meeting over Zoom during COVID.

[10:05] This goes on for a long time.

[10:07] Guys, did you think we would see this much Zoom COVID footage?

[10:11] I was impressed with their fucking lighting rig because Zoom is not

[10:16] very charitable to poor lighting setups, but they were killing it.

[10:20] I was not expecting any, so this was definitely more than that.

[10:25] Dan likes to go in as a blank slate when he sees a movie, Elliot.

[10:28] He calls himself a Daniel Arasa.

[10:30] I didn't know that even if I looked at a synopsis,

[10:34] they would focus on the fact that it starts out with a bunch of Zooming.

[10:36] It seems weird that book club feels the need to be one, topical,

[10:40] and two, that it has to give the characters a motivation for why they would want to go

[10:44] on a trip together.

[10:45] Like, oh, we've been stuck in our houses.

[10:47] We should go on a trip together.

[10:49] And all these things are shot clearly one at a time.

[10:53] They don't seem to be interacting with anyone.

[10:55] It's just like they're delivering zingers to camera.

[10:58] There's a lot of zingers in this.

[10:59] I'm not sure if I want to give them credit for trying to make the movie

[11:02] mean a little bit something by tapping into a modern thing, but it does feel unnecessary.

[11:07] But one thing we do learn during that time, Craig T. Nelson survives a heart attack,

[11:11] and Candace Berrigan retires from her job as a judge.

[11:15] Now COVID is over, and they reunite in person.

[11:18] And Mary Steenburgen loses her restaurant.

[11:21] That's true, and her restaurant closed during COVID.

[11:23] She's a chef.

[11:24] Did we forget to mention that?

[11:25] She's a chef.

[11:26] She's a chef, yeah.

[11:26] It's surprisingly much more important to this movie than it is to the previous movie.

[11:30] Yeah, it's pretty important.

[11:32] So ostensibly, they're getting together to talk about The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho.

[11:37] Ask me how many copies of that I sold when I worked at Barnes & Noble.

[11:41] I never lived at Barnes & Noble.

[11:43] I wasn't like Leonardo DiCaprio in growing pain sleeping in a closet.

[11:48] When I was a bookseller at Barnes & Noble, I probably sold 1,700 copies of The Alchemist.

[11:54] It was a very popular book.

[11:56] Very popular.

[11:57] Second only to The Game and books you've sold.

[12:03] I was unfamiliar with this book.

[12:04] I read the Wikipedia article about it, which is, you know,

[12:09] obviously the best way to experience any work of literature.

[12:11] Sure, sure.

[12:12] You know, what's the deal?

[12:13] What's it about?

[12:15] Well, it's based on, I guess, sort of an old folktale just about like,

[12:21] oh, a man has a dream about there's treasure somewhere.

[12:24] It gets interpreted as like, oh, there's treasure somewhere else.

[12:27] He goes to that other place.

[12:29] And then once he's there, he hears about another dream that the treasure was at the original place

[12:33] he had the dream about.

[12:34] So he goes back and gets it.

[12:36] And like, the point is, like, I guess that your treasure is where you already were.

[12:40] Or I don't even know.

[12:42] It seemed like someone had taken an old folktale and turned it into kind of a

[12:50] new agey, like, thing about living your life.

[12:55] Yes, it's a real self-help novel.

[12:57] It's a real.

[12:58] I mean, a lot of people would buy this book at Barnes & Noble in conjunction with The Four

[13:03] Agreements by Don McGill-Lewis.

[13:06] So it's like, it's one of those books that is a, it's a novel, but it's like a self-help novel.

[13:11] Or like the same people who would buy, like, The Celestine Prophecy would buy it, you know?

[13:16] I got like, again, Wikipedia, there's not a way of experiencing this book.

[13:21] I could be unfair to it.

[13:22] I got the impression reading about it that it was something that I would throw across

[13:26] the room and discussed.

[13:30] Well, these ladies do not throw it across the room.

[13:32] Instead, they take a somewhat inspiration.

[13:34] Although the book kind of feels like an afterthought.

[13:36] They'll just mention it every now and then.

[13:37] And it feels like they just threw it in to justify calling this movie Book Club and not

[13:42] just like Best Exotic Italian Hotel, you know?

[13:47] We also learned that Candace Bergen is now a fuck machine.

[13:50] She is just constantly screwing guys.

[13:52] And everyone knows it.

[13:54] She has gone from the most spinsterish of the ladies to just someone who's really owning her

[14:01] body and owning her sexuality in a way that is as inspiring to the audience as it is annoying

[14:06] to her friends.

[14:07] And Jane Fonda reveals to everybody that she's engaged.

[14:10] And Mary Steenburg is like, remember how we all wanted to go to Italy together decades

[14:14] ago and we didn't because Diane Keaton got pregnant?

[14:16] Let's do that for Jane's bachelorette party.

[14:19] And this idea is greeted with a resounding, no, we're not going to do that.

[14:22] Guys, were you surprised?

[14:23] You knew they would go to Italy.

[14:24] You saw the poster.

[14:25] Were you thrown for a loop when they said, no, we're not going to go?

[14:28] This feels like a pretty big conflict.

[14:30] I don't know if they're going to be able to resolve it in the movie's runtime.

[14:33] I don't think they'll resolve it within the next 20 seconds.

[14:37] I guess not since the trip to Italy.

[14:39] Has there been a movie that had less conflict about whether they should go to Italy or not?

[14:45] I mean, the reasons they all give are, I forget what they are, but if it were me,

[14:51] I feel like the movie doesn't need this beat where they decide to go at all.

[14:58] Although I also texted Audrey to say that, I also texted you guys, I remembered,

[15:05] to say that if they cut out all of the stuff that doesn't need to be in this movie,

[15:08] there would be no movie.

[15:10] There's no reason to go through this unless they're literally doing a Joseph Campbell.

[15:16] Okay, they got to refuse the calls.

[15:19] All of the reasons that I would give to not take a trip to Italy

[15:23] are not the reasons that this movie gives, which are like,

[15:25] I don't know, that's a lot of money and fuss.

[15:30] A person who is not a retired rich person would say,

[15:33] I have a life.

[15:34] I can't just pick up and run off to Italy.

[15:36] This is expensive.

[15:37] I don't know if I can afford it.

[15:38] I have to go to the trouble of booking it and planning it.

[15:41] But these characters live in a fantasy world where they have unlimited money and unlimited time.

[15:45] And so they can just up and go.

[15:46] I mean, later on, as we'll see, they lose their luggage and they're like,

[15:49] I guess we'll have to buy new things.

[15:51] It's like the wildest moment in the whole movie when they lose their luggage.

[15:55] And I'm like, are you telling me I'm going to have to go through the rest of this movie

[15:59] without being able to appreciate the signature style of Diane Keaton and Jane Fonda?

[16:04] That's wild.

[16:05] But nope, it's barely a roadblock.

[16:07] There is no reason.

[16:08] It doesn't bother them.

[16:09] And either they are so rich that they can just buy new everything, which is where they are.

[16:14] Or all the characters are such devout Buddhists that they're like possessions.

[16:19] They're transitive.

[16:20] You can't hold on to them.

[16:21] And all desire leads to suffering.

[16:22] The text doesn't tell us which it is.

[16:24] You don't know.

[16:25] I mean, there is a little bit of text that suggests that Jane Fonda is not a Buddhist

[16:28] and that she's looking at churches for her wedding with Don Johnson.

[16:32] Maybe it's just that Don Johnson is a devout Catholic in this movie.

[16:34] It doesn't really come up that much.

[16:36] And Don Johnson thinks Jane should go.

[16:38] And the fact that they have this conversation in front of a statue of St.

[16:41] Christopher, the patron saint of travelers, they take that as a sign.

[16:44] Now, does it hurt your gut?

[16:45] You guys, I'm sure we're like, oh, that's beautiful.

[16:47] Does it hurt it at all to know that St.

[16:48] Christopher probably did not exist?

[16:50] Was probably not a real person.

[16:52] I mean, the amount that I care about the saints could not be understated.

[17:00] Because I know when I think about St.

[17:02] Christopher and I think, well, according to tradition, he is a giant with a dog's head.

[17:06] I want him to be a real person so badly.

[17:08] But it's not.

[17:09] But he wasn't, you know, so it hurts me.

[17:12] You pose that question to me as if I believe in the Christian gods.

[17:16] And we all know I don't.

[17:17] That's true.

[17:18] I don't know if any of us do.

[17:19] I mean, I certainly don't.

[17:20] Maybe Dan does.

[17:21] He can we can leave it up to the next episode of The Peach Pit when we talk about our faith.

[17:24] Then Candace, she swears a lot over speakerphone and they're embarrassed in the church.

[17:28] Candace Bergen's cat dies.

[17:29] Another omen.

[17:30] She has nothing holding her back from going to Italy now.

[17:32] And I wish this had turned into a kind of like don't look now type thing where she's

[17:35] seeing her cat around.

[17:37] It's a sign that she's in danger that she gets stabbed by a little like a little hairy person.

[17:45] Like a cat, a cat stabbed by a cat in a red jacket.

[17:48] And meanwhile, lifelong bachelor Andy Garcia, who is now Diane Keaton's beau.

[17:52] He obviously wants to get married.

[17:54] But Diane Keaton, she is anti-marriage now.

[17:55] She doesn't want a part of it.

[17:57] They all fly to Rome.

[17:58] Hey, guys, if you're.

[18:00] It looks like he put the least effort in, by the way.

[18:03] Which is, yeah, I would say it doesn't look like he's trying very hard.

[18:07] But I think he put in an appropriate amount of effort to his role in this film.

[18:14] Book Club, the next chapter, like run a razor over that face.

[18:17] But I mean, nobody is nobody is putting in an enormous amount of effort.

[18:21] I would like I feel like the MVP of the movie is probably the actor Giancarlo Giannini,

[18:26] who will run into later.

[18:27] I'll talk about it when he gets to it.

[18:28] But they fly to Rome.

[18:29] Hey, guys, what would be the most cliche song for them to play as they fly to Rome?

[18:35] Rome by the B-52s.

[18:37] No, that would still be more exciting than what they do play, which is Mambo Italiano,

[18:41] a song I genuinely don't like.

[18:42] I don't understand why it still exists.

[18:44] It is so clearly a novelty song.

[18:45] It still exists?

[18:46] Are you suggesting we should go to the National Archives?

[18:51] Mambo Italiano?

[18:52] And maybe it's maybe it's only because it's a song that I used to have to listen to a lot

[18:55] when I worked at that same Barnes Noble, where I was selling people copies of The Alchemist.

[19:02] There was an album.

[19:03] There was an album that was in the playlist called Mob Hits.

[19:06] And our manager was Italian.

[19:07] And she's like, I love these songs.

[19:09] So we'd have to hear Mambo Italiano three or four times a day, at least.

[19:12] And it's just like, is that one there?

[19:16] I don't remember.

[19:17] But they did literally have that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, you know,

[19:21] the Tarantella.

[19:22] Yeah.

[19:23] So anyway, there's a montage of them walking around Rome.

[19:25] They make a lot of jokes.

[19:27] They make a joke about what Candice Bergen calls her fanny pack.

[19:31] And I'm like, I love it.

[19:32] They're finding new variations on the same material from 80 for Brady.

[19:37] And there's I think they did that scene in that scene in that like a square with steps in it in

[19:43] Rome that I just the other day saw Tom Cruise getting in a car chase in the new Mission

[19:48] Impossible.

[19:48] Maybe it's the same day.

[19:49] Was that the Spanish steps or are they different steps?

[19:51] I don't know.

[19:52] There's no sign.

[19:55] And they spend a lot of time looking at nude Roman statues and just riffing jokes about them.

[20:00] And it's like, this is what the audience

[20:02] that's coming to this wants to see,

[20:03] which is these four ladies making sex jokes

[20:05] about statues in beautiful Roman settings.

[20:08] But all of them seem like jokes

[20:11] that were like improvised on the day.

[20:13] Like, let's just do a couple more.

[20:15] And like, none of them were as good

[20:17] as the whatever they had scripted.

[20:19] So like in a normal movie, they'd be tossed out.

[20:22] Because like, all of these are like,

[20:23] okay, I guess that's kind of a joke.

[20:25] Like, it's sort of funny.

[20:27] Oh, look, he's remained hard for centuries

[20:30] because he's made of stone as a statue.

[20:35] They're like really obsessed

[20:36] with the penises on these statues.

[20:38] They are like-

[20:39] Old lady, Dan, if you don't spend time

[20:41] around older women much, it's,

[20:43] in my experience, spending time around my grandmothers,

[20:46] penises is 80% of what they think about.

[20:48] I mean, I-

[20:49] And 20% is, what are we gonna eat next?

[20:51] And the other 80% is penises,

[20:53] stories about penises they've known,

[20:55] what penises are around them at the moment.

[20:57] Just judging by the sample set of my two grandmothers,

[21:00] this is what they talk about.

[21:01] I gotta say, I love that.

[21:04] As a movie, it was funny to me that like,

[21:06] there were a couple of, like, at the beginning,

[21:09] it's all just sort of montages,

[21:12] but not like high energy, quick cut montages,

[21:15] just sort of like-

[21:16] Very casual.

[21:17] Leisurely montages of them looking at penises

[21:20] and making jokes about how they're old now.

[21:24] Yeah, I mean, the thing is the,

[21:28] your focus audience on this,

[21:28] your ideal audience cannot take a quick cut montage.

[21:31] It might give them a heart attack.

[21:32] You gotta-

[21:33] Yeah, if they watch that scene from Taken 3,

[21:35] their eyeballs would fly out of their heads.

[21:37] They just go into immediate cardiac arrest.

[21:39] I'm surprised that the movie doesn't use

[21:41] Von Sternberg style slow dissolves

[21:43] between the different cuts just to make it,

[21:44] just to ease you in.

[21:45] But anyway, all this fun riffing on these statues' dicks,

[21:49] it ends when Mary Steenburgen catches Craig T. Nelson

[21:52] on the kitchen spot camera eating bacon in her kitchen.

[21:55] He's not supposed to do that.

[21:56] He had a heart attack.

[21:57] He can't eat bacon.

[21:58] And now when the cat's away,

[21:59] the mouse is gonna eat bacon?

[22:01] I don't think so.

[22:02] But there's only one way to get over this.

[22:04] Wedding dress shopping montage.

[22:06] They take Jane Fonda to what looks like

[22:08] the most expensive wedding dress shop,

[22:10] tailor shop in the world probably.

[22:12] They all put on dresses.

[22:14] We don't even get,

[22:15] we don't get that much of them shaking their heads

[22:17] back and forth.

[22:18] No.

[22:18] It's the best part of a trying on montage.

[22:21] But I kinda-

[22:22] I like this scene.

[22:23] I wouldn't.

[22:24] So guys-

[22:25] Give me a dress trying on montage.

[22:27] I will admit,

[22:28] and it may surprise you,

[22:29] I don't know a lot about shopping for a wedding dress.

[22:33] But at high-end places,

[22:35] do they typically like when all four of the people there

[22:39] want to try on dresses even though one of them is a bride?

[22:42] I would say probably yes,

[22:43] that those dresses are so expensive

[22:45] that your job is to sell one of them.

[22:47] And if it takes pouring champagne down their gullets

[22:51] until they're so drunk

[22:52] they don't even know what they're doing,

[22:53] it takes all them trying on dresses.

[22:55] Just selling one dress

[22:57] and that probably pays his rent for a month.

[22:59] So he'll let them try on whatever.

[23:01] He'll let them try on his clothes.

[23:03] This is the tailor part of it.

[23:05] You wanna get married in this, huh?

[23:08] They can pee on a couple of the dresses

[23:10] just to see how the fabric absorbs

[23:12] or if it bounces stains off.

[23:13] As long as he sells one dress, he's fine.

[23:15] Very important.

[23:15] Luckily, he sells, as we later find out, two dresses

[23:18] because they insist I eat and wear a dress

[23:20] that has big black dots.

[23:21] And as we said earlier in the episode,

[23:23] they say, that's you as a dress

[23:25] and they are totally right.

[23:26] This is, whoever, I'm gonna say this,

[23:27] this movie should be nominated for no Academy Awards

[23:29] except for costume design

[23:31] because that dress has so perfectly captured

[23:33] Diane Keaton's soul in the form of a dress.

[23:35] And that's just good.

[23:36] That's just good costume design.

[23:37] I feel like when the dress is first presented,

[23:39] it is hatless and I'm like, ooh, it's missing something.

[23:42] Subject is hatless.

[23:45] Where's the wide-bring hat?

[23:48] Don't worry, she's gonna get it

[23:49] because she needs to dress like she's about to go

[23:53] con somebody in a poker game on a riverboat

[23:55] in the form of her hat.

[23:58] It's not a Diane Keaton outfit

[23:59] unless Harold Hill hands her his hat to put on top.

[24:02] So they hang out and drink

[24:03] and they're just having a good time

[24:05] until a street caricaturist

[24:06] who's drawing a sexy picture of Candace Bergen

[24:08] insists that they have to go to-

[24:10] You mean a regular picture of Candace Bergen.

[24:12] Sorry, I apologize.

[24:13] It was redundant.

[24:14] It was redundant what I said.

[24:15] And the other thing is they're all like,

[24:17] look at her with all the men.

[24:18] And it's like, Candace Bergen was,

[24:21] I mean, all of these women were notorious beauties

[24:24] throughout their careers.

[24:25] But Candace Bergen especially-

[24:26] Notorious.

[24:27] Notorious because of the crimes they committed

[24:28] through their beauty.

[24:31] But Candace Bergen, especially when she was young,

[24:33] it was like she was treated just as a,

[24:37] she was the blonde goddess and things like that.

[24:39] So it makes sense.

[24:41] Anyway, they're like, but again, they're rich retirees.

[24:44] So they're like, I assume they already paid

[24:46] for hotel rooms in Rome, but they're like,

[24:49] let's go to Venice.

[24:50] Let's get to Veni, everybody.

[24:52] We're gonna Ven it up.

[24:53] They go to the train station.

[24:54] Here's where they make the only mistake of the movie.

[24:57] They hand off their luggage to the porters

[24:58] at the train station.

[24:59] And the porters seem genuinely surprised

[25:01] that they're receiving luggage.

[25:02] They only to learn when they finally get to Venice

[25:04] after a long train trip,

[25:06] the train station doesn't have porters.

[25:08] Their luggage has been stolen.

[25:09] Although I don't know if you can call it stealing

[25:11] if someone literally hands you the luggage.

[25:13] It's possible those guys were just wearing vests.

[25:15] I don't know about Roman fashion.

[25:16] They comment on that.

[25:17] Yeah, they comment on that.

[25:18] Yeah, they could be bike messengers.

[25:19] Now, much like in a similar film, 80 for Brady,

[25:24] an important item has now been lost

[25:27] and will, much like in 80 for Brady,

[25:30] not have any real bearing on the plot.

[25:34] Even more so, in fact, like this is,

[25:37] it is wild the degree to which losing all of their luggage

[25:40] seems to impact them, not one bit,

[25:42] other than some brief distress

[25:47] and Diane Keaton admitting like,

[25:49] oh, I had the ashes of my husband.

[25:51] Yeah.

[25:52] And it seemed that like,

[25:55] the only time I got mad at the movie,

[25:57] like I yelled at the screen at one point during the scene,

[26:00] just tell them,

[26:02] because like it's the most ridiculous,

[26:04] like waffling around, like they're all like,

[26:07] no, it's fine.

[26:08] It doesn't matter.

[26:09] Like there's no, like she's clearly in distress.

[26:11] I'm like, why are you doing this movie?

[26:13] There's no reason why she wouldn't just tell her friends

[26:15] like I had my husband's ashes.

[26:17] Well, she's embarrassed.

[26:18] She knows it's illegal.

[26:19] And also Dan, she's a,

[26:21] because I don't know if you ever saw the episode

[26:23] of My Secret Addiction,

[26:24] where the woman is eating her husband's ashes,

[26:26] but it's possible it's one of those situations.

[26:28] Oh, okay.

[26:29] And she brought along-

[26:30] As a snack.

[26:31] Yeah, as a snack.

[26:32] Exactly, yeah.

[26:32] And she doesn't want to share it with everybody.

[26:34] So that's the thing.

[26:35] She doesn't want to tell them,

[26:36] because they'll be like,

[26:36] hmm, give me a handful of ashes.

[26:37] Yum, yum, yum.

[26:38] And she doesn't want to share.

[26:39] She's selfish.

[26:40] Diane, you're getting cranky again.

[26:41] Why don't you eat another snack

[26:43] out of that urn you're carrying around with you?

[26:46] Your snack urn.

[26:47] Out of your snack urn, yeah.

[26:48] Guys, I've traveled a little here and there,

[26:51] and I gotta say,

[26:52] the thought of losing all my luggage is terrifying.

[26:56] Yeah, yes.

[26:57] And I'm not somebody who has to travel with,

[26:59] what I'm guessing is,

[27:00] a large collection of pills.

[27:02] I mean, that's something they never bring up,

[27:05] which you know for sure is a problem.

[27:07] They all have medication,

[27:08] and their medication is gone now.

[27:09] But that's the fantasy.

[27:11] The fantasy is that-

[27:11] Smart travelers.

[27:13] Yeah, it's all in their carry-on.

[27:15] Well, I mean, the fact that Jane Fonda

[27:16] brought her wedding dress as carry-on on the train

[27:19] is a weird thing.

[27:21] She also seems to be carrying it sometimes,

[27:23] and other times she's like,

[27:24] it'll show up at the next stop.

[27:26] Yeah, my guess is that continuity

[27:27] was not a real focus for this movie.

[27:31] But you're right.

[27:33] And Candice Bergen,

[27:34] she probably has all their pills in her waist wallet,

[27:36] or whatever she calls her fanny pack.

[27:37] Now, this movie,

[27:40] it does,

[27:41] I feel like we have to,

[27:42] it's hard to overstate

[27:44] how little they seem to give a shit

[27:46] that all of their worldly possessions

[27:47] they brought with them are gone,

[27:48] except for Diane Keaton's husband's ashes.

[27:50] And I was like,

[27:52] all right, I guess we have to watch them buy new stuff.

[27:55] They never get around to it.

[27:56] So you have to assume they're just traveling freely

[27:58] without toothbrushes, underpants,

[28:00] like maybe they did it off camera, I don't know.

[28:02] But they seem to have so much time gallivanting around

[28:03] that they're just,

[28:05] they're just without the normal things.

[28:06] Because I agree,

[28:08] if I lose my luggage on a trip,

[28:10] that's the trip,

[28:11] is gone for the first couple of days.

[28:12] Until I get that luggage back,

[28:13] it's the only thing I'm focused on.

[28:15] Like, I like to think I'm fucking chill and cool,

[28:17] but honestly, it will stress me out.

[28:20] Well, it reminds me of,

[28:22] there's a former colleague of Dan and mine's,

[28:25] Trayvon Free,

[28:26] he once tweeted a picture of Kanye West

[28:28] getting out of a taxi cab in New York

[28:30] while holding a MacBook laptop

[28:33] by the corner between two fingers

[28:35] as he steps out of a cab.

[28:37] And Trayvon was like,

[28:38] this is,

[28:39] I've never seen anything more rich than,

[28:41] you can't be more rich than walking out of a taxi cab,

[28:43] holding a laptop as if it's a piece of garbage

[28:46] that you don't mind if it falls out of your fingers

[28:48] as you're getting out of the cab.

[28:50] Like, it was the most,

[28:51] it was like,

[28:52] just such a total idea that this computer is disposable

[28:55] and I could just buy a new one in a moment

[28:56] if I drop this, you know.

[28:57] And so, that's the world they're living in.

[29:00] They're living in a world of

[29:01] anything they want to set their beck and call

[29:03] because they're unlimited,

[29:04] they've unlimited,

[29:05] they did the cheat code at the beginning

[29:06] for unlimited wealth.

[29:07] And it's a-

[29:08] And anytime they need a new outfit,

[29:10] they have one that matches their specific style.

[29:14] And although I will say,

[29:16] losing their luggage at least pays off

[29:18] the moment that drove me the most nuts in the movie,

[29:21] which is when Mary Steenburger goes,

[29:23] my purse is gone,

[29:23] I lost my purse.

[29:25] And they search for it

[29:26] and it turns out to be under her seat.

[29:27] And they spend so much time,

[29:28] I mean, screen time is probably 10 seconds,

[29:30] but it felt like I was in purgatory.

[29:32] It felt like I was on the long jaunt

[29:36] and I opened my eyes.

[29:36] You're an old man now with crazy eyes, yeah.

[29:39] Searching for a purse.

[29:40] This is what happens in a movie

[29:42] when there's so little going on.

[29:44] There's a point towards the end of the movie

[29:47] where they, spoiler, we'll get there,

[29:50] but they're all assembled for a wedding.

[29:53] Uh-huh, yep.

[29:54] Like any other movie, you'd be like,

[29:57] okay, we're seven minutes from the end.

[30:00] and there's 26 minutes left in the film.

[30:02] I'm like, how is this possible?

[30:04] What is going to happen?

[30:05] Yeah.

[30:06] How could time be bent

[30:08] so that there's still more to do in this movie?

[30:10] Anyway.

[30:11] So, and it reminds me, and we'll move on in a moment,

[30:13] it reminds me, there's a scene in the movie Meet Joe Black

[30:15] where he is introducing,

[30:17] the characters are meeting Joe Black.

[30:19] He's introduced, Anthony Hopkins is introducing Brad Pitt

[30:21] to his kids.

[30:22] And he can't think of a name for Brad Pitt's character

[30:25] who we know is deaf.

[30:26] And they're like, his name, what they call him?

[30:28] Like, what is it?

[30:30] And it goes on forever.

[30:32] And I remember that.

[30:33] Does he look at a cup of coffee and go, Joe Black?

[30:35] Is that how it happens?

[30:36] I don't remember because there was a Conan O'Brien sketch

[30:39] where they, they used to do a thing where they would just,

[30:41] they would show scenes from movies

[30:42] and they'd mess with them in some way.

[30:44] And they extended that moment.

[30:45] So it went on for so long.

[30:48] I mean, I'm trying to stumble and figure out this name.

[30:50] And that's what the scene feels like.

[30:51] Anyway, maybe they do that off camera, buying stuff.

[30:55] So the ladies are pretty blase about losing their stuff.

[30:56] But when the police chief tells them

[30:58] he can't do much to help them,

[31:00] Candace is very rude to him.

[31:01] And this police chief is played by Giancarlo Giannini,

[31:04] who is a major Italian actor,

[31:06] was one of Lena Wertmuller's favorite leading men.

[31:09] He's the star of Swept Away, the star of Seven Beauties.

[31:11] Like, this is-

[31:12] He got murdered by Hannibal in the movie Hannibal.

[31:14] Yes, he's in Hannibal.

[31:16] He's like, this is a guy,

[31:17] he's in the first two Daniel Craig James Bond movies.

[31:20] But like, this is a guy

[31:21] who is a major part of Italian cinema.

[31:23] And it's just very funny to see him in this movie.

[31:25] And I feel like he is not doing a lot in this movie,

[31:29] but he's doing enough that I like him in this movie.

[31:32] But there's this part of me that's like,

[31:34] is he seeing this as a professional,

[31:36] where it's like, hey, at least I'm working?

[31:37] Or is he like, I can't believe I'm in this nonsense,

[31:41] this nothing of a movie?

[31:42] Is he enjoying it or not?

[31:43] I'm sure he did it

[31:44] because he wanted to meet these ladies, probably.

[31:46] That's possible, that's very possible.

[31:47] So Giancarlo, if you're listening,

[31:49] please write in, tell us.

[31:50] Yeah, write in, yeah.

[31:51] This is a scene though, where I'm like,

[31:53] it's hard to make me sympathize with the cop in a scene,

[31:55] but I was kind of like, what do you expect?

[32:00] Like you handed your luggage to people

[32:03] and now you're like making these snide remarks

[32:06] about how the police can't do much about it.

[32:07] In another city, you showed up in Venice

[32:09] and you're telling the police chief of Venice,

[32:11] hey, I handed my bags to somebody in Rome, find them for me.

[32:15] He's like, there's literally nothing I can do.

[32:18] Like, I guess I'll put out an APB

[32:20] for your luggage in another city.

[32:24] Candice Bergen is really out of line,

[32:25] but she'll learn her lesson.

[32:26] And we do not bother, they ride around Venice

[32:29] and they stay for free at Jane Fonda's friend's luxury hotel.

[32:32] We never see them buy new toothbrushes.

[32:34] At the hotel, Candice Bergen does not waste time.

[32:36] She flirts with Usman, a retired British professor,

[32:39] who also wears a Fanny mask.

[32:41] He is hitting on her hard.

[32:43] And this is played by an actor named Hugh Quarshie,

[32:47] who was last week.

[32:48] You mean Captain Panaka from Star Wars, The Phantom Menace?

[32:52] Yeah, that's what he's best known for.

[32:53] Yeah, he was also in Highlander.

[32:55] He's in a lot of stuff also.

[32:56] He had a lot of charm in this.

[32:58] Yeah.

[33:00] He sings that pretty good Italian cover of Gloria

[33:03] at Carrie E. Hewletter.

[33:04] Sure, he also appeared in Fantastic Beasts,

[33:06] The Crimes of Grindelwald.

[33:07] So he's been in a Flophouse movie before.

[33:09] Oh, cool.

[33:10] But yeah, so he invites them to a party.

[33:15] There's a scene where Jane Fonda and Don Johnson

[33:17] are flirting over text silently with no words.

[33:20] And you have to assume they just told them

[33:23] to walk around a room pretending to text

[33:24] and then just put in like fake texts later.

[33:27] There's no point.

[33:28] There's no reason for that.

[33:29] What do they put in the dirtiest text?

[33:31] Yeah, words.

[33:34] I'm imagining my cock in you right now.

[33:36] Guess where?

[33:37] No, I'm imagining it in me.

[33:38] Guess where?

[33:39] Ears?

[33:40] No.

[33:41] Nose?

[33:42] Yes.

[33:43] That is hot.

[33:43] That's some dirty stuff, Elliot.

[33:44] And then Jane Fonda watches this at the premiere

[33:47] and is like, what did you do to my movie?

[33:51] Anyway, so they go to this fancy dinner.

[33:54] They don't have to worry about a hotel room.

[33:55] They're staying at Jane's friend's hotel.

[33:57] They go to a fancy dinner that Usman has invited them to.

[34:00] It's a lot of fun.

[34:01] Usman sings Gloria and Mary joins him on the accordion.

[34:04] But more importantly, Mary Steenburgen learns

[34:06] that the chef where they're having the dinner

[34:09] is her old cooking school boyfriend, Gianni.

[34:11] Uh-oh.

[34:13] But wait, she's married.

[34:15] But she's married to Craig T. Nelson.

[34:16] But I guess there's no rules

[34:18] when you're in Venice, right, guys?

[34:21] What happens in Venice stays in Venice

[34:23] because the water levels rise so high

[34:24] that you're trapped there.

[34:25] There's no way to get out.

[34:26] It's dangerous.

[34:27] There's no roads.

[34:28] The city's sinking.

[34:29] What if at the end of Back to the Future,

[34:30] he said, where we're going, we don't need roads,

[34:32] and they just went to Venice?

[34:34] It'd be even weirder if they went to Rhodes in Greece,

[34:38] the island of Rhodes, and you're like, what?

[34:40] You said the opposite, dude.

[34:43] No, I said, we're going to Rhodes.

[34:45] No, you didn't.

[34:46] You said, where we're going, we don't need roads.

[34:47] You misheard me.

[34:48] Marty, you misheard me.

[34:49] I said, where we're going, it's Rhodes.

[34:51] Why would you phrase it that way?

[34:53] It doesn't make any sense.

[34:57] Anyway, that was a cut scene

[34:59] from Back to the Future Part II, Greek vacation, yeah.

[35:03] So, there's no time traveling in this one.

[35:07] No, there's time traveling.

[35:08] They end up in the wrong universe,

[35:09] and the Colossus of Rhodes is a giant biff.

[35:12] It's a giant biff, yeah.

[35:14] What an amazing second movie that would have been

[35:16] if instead they went to ancient Greece

[35:18] and Biphiles, Biff's ancestor is there,

[35:21] and they accidentally set it up

[35:22] so that he becomes the king of Greece forever.

[35:25] Oh, man, what a, I want to see that so badly now.

[35:29] Yeah, they set up some kind of imperial cloning system

[35:32] so that it's always just biffs after biffs.

[35:35] Yeah, yeah, exactly, because the thing is,

[35:40] Archimedes finds the flux capacitor,

[35:44] and he's able to reverse engineer it

[35:45] into amazing technological feats.

[35:48] Archimedes is Merlin's bird, right?

[35:50] Is that the situation?

[35:51] Yes, it's Merlin's mechanical bird from Glass of the Titans,

[35:54] because that's happening in the same universe, yes.

[35:56] Thank you, okay.

[35:58] Yeah, well, now I want to see that movie really badly.

[36:02] I'm sorry I didn't join in on that.

[36:03] I was too busy thinking about

[36:04] Negatronic Teenage Warhead of Rhodes.

[36:09] Anyway.

[36:10] So, anyway, Mary gets a tour of Gianni's kitchen

[36:13] while Jane and Diana have a heart-to-heart talk,

[36:17] which one of many heart-to-heart talks

[36:18] our characters will have starting at this point in the movie.

[36:20] The tension, the sexual tension is so thick

[36:22] between Mary and Gianni, and I have to say,

[36:25] during this scene of just the two of them hanging out,

[36:28] they did a really good job

[36:29] of just communicating through their mood

[36:32] kind of this feeling of kind of awkward

[36:34] sexual attractiveness and remembering what it was like

[36:37] and having a history.

[36:39] Mary Steenburgen and this actor who,

[36:41] I don't remember his name,

[36:42] oh, Vincent Riotti is this actor, and Riotta,

[36:47] they just do a really fantastic,

[36:49] Dan, of course, you'll remember him

[36:50] from your favorite movies, Captain Corelli's Mandolin

[36:52] and Under the Passing Sun.

[36:54] You're always talking, you're a real sun head

[36:57] and a real man's head.

[37:00] They do a really good job in this.

[37:02] This is a scene that is in a dumb movie.

[37:04] It goes to a dumb place.

[37:05] And then they immediately ruin it with a stupid misdirect.

[37:09] With a misdirect where it looks like

[37:10] they're inside the chef's van that's inside his kitchen,

[37:14] and it's rocking back and forth, and they're grunting,

[37:16] and you're like, oh, they gave in and they had sex.

[37:17] Nope, they're inside the van making pasta together.

[37:20] That would've been wild if they actually just had sex,

[37:24] right?

[37:25] I don't know.

[37:25] To be honest, they're old, she's in another country,

[37:28] her husband's got a jerk.

[37:29] I'm not saying it's wild if in the real world

[37:31] those two characters had sex.

[37:32] I'm saying in this specific movie,

[37:34] that was the choice they made.

[37:36] Well, only because it's not her character

[37:38] because right after this,

[37:39] the police chief catches Candace Bergen and Osman

[37:42] having sex on a boat in the canals in Venice.

[37:44] He was in the Phantom Menace.

[37:46] I get it.

[37:48] I get it.

[37:49] I mean, he's-

[37:50] That's the important thing.

[37:51] That's what you look for in a sexual partner.

[37:52] Were you in the Phantom Menace?

[37:54] You ask.

[37:55] Yeah.

[37:56] And they go, yeah, I played one of the battle bots.

[37:58] Yeah, of course, yeah.

[38:00] Sure.

[38:01] Do you have any sexually transmitted diseases?

[38:02] Were you in the Phantom Menace?

[38:04] Those are the two questions you always have to ask.

[38:07] Misa will say whatever it takes

[38:08] to get you into this bedroom.

[38:10] Well, I don't know.

[38:11] It seems like you were in the Phantom Menace.

[38:14] I don't know why.

[38:15] Yeah, so the next morning they decide,

[38:18] you know what, Venice, drools, Tuscany rules.

[38:21] Let's drive straight to Tuscany

[38:23] because we've already used up this city.

[38:26] And they just drive through the countryside.

[38:28] I do love this sequence because at no point they're driving,

[38:32] do you see another car on the road?

[38:34] They'll drive through empty towns.

[38:36] It is like a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

[38:39] Yeah, this is the 28 days later of Italy

[38:41] as far as these ladies are concerned.

[38:44] Again, that'd be a great turn for this movie to take.

[38:46] It's like Night of the Comet or something

[38:47] where for whatever reason,

[38:48] they have slept through the end of the world

[38:50] and now they don't realize it

[38:51] and they're still on this bachelorette trip

[38:52] and zombies are showing up.

[38:54] There's this character who shows up

[38:55] where Jane Fonda assumes it's a stripper,

[38:57] but it's just a cop.

[38:58] Well, it's a zombie.

[38:59] And she assumed it was a zombie-themed stripper.

[39:01] Guys, would that be even funnier?

[39:03] But we'll get to that.

[39:04] Even funnier,

[39:05] because this might be the funniest thing I've ever seen.

[39:08] So they're driving.

[39:09] It's set to Italian language, Kenny Loggins music.

[39:11] So you know this movie's great.

[39:13] You know exactly who the audience is for it.

[39:14] And Mary-

[39:15] Oh, which one?

[39:16] I'm All Right from Caddyshack?

[39:17] No, no, it's the like,

[39:19] what I want, bump, bump, ba-da, you know that one.

[39:22] So that's Kenny Loggins, right?

[39:24] Hall and Oates.

[39:25] No, that's Hall and Oates.

[39:25] Oh, it's Hall and Oates?

[39:26] Sorry, it's Italian language, Hall and Oates.

[39:27] I don't care.

[39:28] I don't like any of that stuff, guys.

[39:30] So I apologize to Mr. Loggins,

[39:32] to Mr. Hall and Mr. Oates.

[39:33] You have to start liking it.

[39:35] Guys, I know that I'll be too old

[39:37] when I start listening to Steely Dan

[39:38] and that'll be my entry point to those songs.

[39:40] So, Mary's, I apologize,

[39:43] it's Italian language, Hall and Oates.

[39:45] Or as they're called there, Hall et Oates.

[39:47] No, Hall e Oates?

[39:49] What's the answer in Italian?

[39:50] E, Hall e Oates, yeah.

[39:52] Et is French, that's right.

[39:53] So Mary sees Gianni has texted her

[39:56] and she's like, oh no,

[39:57] this is gonna show up on my iPad at home.

[39:58] My husband will see it.

[40:00] gonna have another heart attack and the other ladies give her a tough love

[40:03] speech they literally say okay tough love and this is again one of many

[40:06] speeches that they will give throughout the movie to each other that where they

[40:09] start okay tough love I don't remember this for the first movie is this a thing

[40:12] that they did or they introducing it now as if it's always been one of them I

[40:15] don't know I like it when I like when friends give each other tough love yeah

[40:23] you guys should give me tough love sometimes okay just soft love all the

[40:27] you can say tough love and then whatever you say after that cannot be taken in an

[40:31] effect I mean first off to that yeah you say when you say it it sounds like

[40:35] you're asking for a spanking secondly I think the question is just like was this

[40:41] a thing that was established oh they did and I don't remember I don't think it

[40:45] was but I don't remember me it was anyway the ladies revealed so they get a

[40:48] flat tire they think of her tough love they say your fear of your husband's

[40:52] death is driving you apart you're not letting your husband live and it's

[40:54] hurting your marriage and they get a flat tire night falls and the ladies

[40:59] revealed to Jane we have to get to Tuscany because Don Johnson is waiting

[41:03] for you there we arranged it so you could be married as a surprise in

[41:06] Tuscany yeah and if I was Jane Fonda my reaction would be fuck you what are you

[41:12] doing it's so you're gonna spring my own wedding on me as a surprise what kind of

[41:16] friends are you but instead she's like of this but this flat tire is a bad

[41:20] omen maybe that universe is saying I shouldn't get married and a cop shows up

[41:24] to help Jane Fonda assumes it's a stripper because he's attractive and

[41:27] where else and what better way to arrange having a stripper show up than

[41:32] to be at a random latitude and longitudinal spot in the middle of the

[41:36] Italian countryside like does she think that they planned their friends are good

[41:40] you know then dropped a pin and said the stripper come to this pin I hope you're

[41:44] within an hour of this spot that is all of that is not entirely implausible what

[41:49] bothers me about like a wily coyote trap is how Jane Fonda persists in like

[41:56] fondling him and not believing no matter how many times everyone else is like no

[42:02] no no that's a real cop like yeah fuck you movie this this yeah it is one of

[42:08] those first moments where a character does something stupid because the movie

[42:12] is gonna think it's funny but anyway they get thrown in jail in jail they

[42:15] each give each other tough love speeches the next morning the police chief of

[42:19] Venice shows up I guess he has jurisdiction in Tuscany he heard the

[42:21] ladies were there and he's the police chief of all of Rome and he just stops

[42:26] at town after town on his rounds like why is he there why would it be like oh

[42:30] yeah we heard you were deep but you're the guy who put in the report about four

[42:33] old ladies missing their luggage I think we've got the old ladies you're looking

[42:36] for come to Tuscany overnight but anyway I forgot there's reasons there they found

[42:44] Diane's husband's ashes and he's returning them that's what I don't know

[42:47] how he knows that he's that they're there but he's returning the ashes she

[42:50] probably like one of those like finders in the bag there's a low jack on the

[42:57] ashes end on them yeah you try it's just much like so what I heard so my fan some

[43:03] family members of mine not my not my immediate family but my my relatives of

[43:06] mine they got they went on a trip to Dubai on a vacation and apparently when

[43:10] they got there the Dubai government was customs they were like so here are the

[43:13] chips to put in your phones so that you can use them in Dubai and we can track

[43:17] you and they were like uh wait a minute what so maybe this is like that and when

[43:20] they arrived in Italy the Italian government just tracks every every

[43:23] suspicious group of old ladies that shows up the canister they're looking

[43:27] for that infernal French grip criminal Lupin mm-hmm has been seen around the

[43:34] countryside and they think one of them one of these four might be Lupin he's a

[43:38] master of disguise Elliot not Lupin the third the Japanese animated guy right no

[43:44] not that one though he's great the first ones his grandfather the first

[43:47] Lupin he's a mortal yeah the rabbit as they call him so the next morning the

[43:53] police chief shows up Candace Bergen gives him a tough love speech so that he

[43:57] will free them from jail and you know what they've got to get to Tuscany in

[44:01] like 15 minutes there's only one way to get there police chopper oh no he flies

[44:07] them there in a police chopper they have to hold the map thankfully there's

[44:19] a wrinkle in time that they can use to get there and and mrs. what mrs. who and

[44:23] mrs. which are there to find it to take them right away mm-hmm on the on the way

[44:29] they stop through ant beasts realm of darkness but anyway they on the way he

[44:34] gives thanking permission to scatter her husband's ashes and she accidentally

[44:36] drops the whole urn because she's real klutz and we don't see it land on an

[44:41] Italian person's head and kill them but maybe that's what happens you expected

[44:45] somebody be sitting in an outdoor cafe and be like yeah I'd like some Parmesan

[44:49] cheese and then all the ashes too much but I'll like it anyway I refuse to pay

[44:58] extra for the black truffle shavings then I will then then you want to get it

[45:02] and then the ashes fall the jokes on you free black truffle shavings taste

[45:07] like human yeah did you said taste like human no like human like human ashes how

[45:14] do you know what does that taste like it's a long story anyway you remember

[45:18] that movie alive that was a you know but after I watched it I really wanted to

[45:23] know what it was like I charted a plane with my five most delicious looking

[45:29] friends despite all my efforts it never crashed anyway it's a funny story but I

[45:35] was on a girl's high school soccer team and well long story short hmm we're all

[45:40] kind of funny I mean the book club joke was book club yeah and so uh they some

[45:53] this is the moment I think Dan maybe you had the same reaction I did which is

[45:55] yeah they're at the hotel where the wedding is taking place and I looked at

[45:58] the runtime and saw there were still 30 minutes left in the movie crazy I was

[46:02] like what else in this plotless movie what needs to be resolved what could

[46:07] possibly happen well the excitable wedding planner tells them the wedding

[46:11] is all ready Andy Garcia's even there with the dress

[46:15] Diane Keaton wore at the wedding dress storage she gets to wear it

[46:18] Jane Fonda's nervous she feels sick what if this wedding shouldn't happen by the

[46:21] way hold on it is like we can't pass over the fact that is wild that Diane

[46:25] Keaton is wearing this wedding dress to someone else's wedding well it's wild

[46:32] until you see the turn of events that happen yeah but unless she she's a

[46:37] precog this is a strange decision that she has made I mean they're breaking all

[46:40] the rules this is her first marriage at the age of 80 you know this is and that

[46:46] should have been the tip-off at the beginning she says how does a

[46:49] 70 year old woman get married you should have known Jane Fonda is not getting

[46:52] married in this because Jane Fonda I'm sorry Jane you should never reveal a

[46:55] woman's age but she's not 70 like there's nothing you know she's she was

[46:57] in 80 for Brady we know she's in her 80s it's almost like Jane Fonda doesn't

[47:01] think we watch all the time yeah exactly mr. policeman I gave you all the clues

[47:06] to understand Jane Fonda's true age they're in the title yeah so the Jane

[47:12] Fonda's nervous she's sick now Diane Keaton has to give her a talk about not

[47:15] being afraid just go with love etc Tom Johnson looks great yeah Don Johnson

[47:20] looks great but the priest is missing how can they get married without a

[47:23] priest oh no oh no weddings over we need to have somebody who is ordained

[47:28] and legally allowed to marry people in Italy unfortunately we don't have that

[47:32] so Candace Berrigan steps in to say she'll perform the ceremony which I was

[47:36] like you are an American judge you can you just step in and perform a marriage

[47:40] in Italy and also did they get a license or permit I don't know Italy maybe

[47:44] Lucy Goosey but double those objections to what is about to happen but uh yeah

[47:51] and so I only know one person who ever got married in Italy I meant to ask her

[47:55] ahead of time what process they had to go to I forgot so I apologize guys I

[47:58] didn't do my due diligence but it's okay but apparently you can just step in as a

[48:02] judge just perform the ceremony it doesn't matter does she have

[48:05] jurisdiction it doesn't matter it's book club they make their own rules

[48:07] they're lucky they don't care that police fly them around and let them dump

[48:11] urns onto people's heads like it's whatever that these ladies rule Italy so

[48:16] that's when but the wedding has started yet Craig T Nelson calls Mary and it's

[48:20] like oh so this guy text you these pictures and she's like I can explain

[48:23] she doesn't have to he's at the wedding too he showed up it's a baby bring

[48:28] dauber with him yeah he doesn't go anywhere without dauber has to and this

[48:35] is where I thought this movie is gonna do something's kind of cheesy but sweet

[48:38] but they don't do it she goes I wish I could just snap my fingers and you would

[48:42] be here and I want him to say go ahead snap your fingers and then she would

[48:45] snap them and he would show up I thought that would have been like cheesy but

[48:48] sweet but instead he goes yep I don't know man don't you think the flowers are

[48:51] a little bit too much maybe there's one flower too much and he shows up with a

[48:55] flower for her and I was like that doesn't make any fucking sense

[48:58] yeah it's anyway I didn't like it they missed a real opportunity there yeah he

[49:03] should he should have gone back to rewrites for that one yeah exactly he

[49:06] didn't care no one cares no one cares about book club the next chapter and why

[49:09] should they to be honest again they're putting the amount of effort into this

[49:12] that it deserves during the ceremony Jane Fonda she gives Don Johnson a whole

[49:16] speech about she never thought she would get married but now she's in love

[49:19] with him she's got a little love go then he gives a speech back to her about how

[49:23] he never wants to hold her back he never wants to trap her in a marriage you know

[49:26] what what he loves about her is her freedom and her free spiritedness so he

[49:29] gets down on his knee and he proposes again he goes will you not marry me and

[49:33] everyone laughs and Candace pronounces them not man and wife and if I were a

[49:36] guest who flew all the way to Tuscany for this wedding and they decided you

[49:40] know what we're just doing joke not married thing I'd be so fucking pissed

[49:44] yeah I would wait until I see the reception Elliot if it was good and

[49:49] there was an open bar I'd be cool with it if I if they're like hey guess what

[49:53] groanies a lot of if they get Captain Panaka to do fucking Gloria again Jesus

[49:59] and me

[50:00] It's you know, yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. It's all stuff. I can't get where I live the United States of America

[50:05] everything I

[50:06] this but look I

[50:08] understand like there are a lot of

[50:11] philosophical reasons not to get married and if that is

[50:15] Your feeling about it. I

[50:18] You know, I am NOT gonna say like marriage is the root

[50:21] I don't think that marriage is a route for everyone

[50:23] but there's a weird thing that happens in movies sometimes where like all it is is like

[50:30] Oh, you know like I just don't I don't like they just like feel weird about marriage like or like they don't want to be

[50:35] like pinned down and

[50:37] yet like they're making still kind of a lifelong commitment to one another and

[50:43] In the context of a movie like when it's not for like that kind of philosophical reason it always sort of annoys me

[50:50] I'm just like just get married like you're you're getting old

[50:54] Like make sure that you can get into the hospital see one another

[50:58] Well, that's the real

[51:00] They should get married for exactly just that reason so that they can make medical decisions about each other. Yeah

[51:06] Like I I don't know this idea of like, oh, I'm still such a free spirit, but we're still gonna be together forever

[51:14] But it means that every day they are making a choice deliberately to stay together. Yeah, they're not just following momentum

[51:20] They're not just doing it because they're legally bound

[51:22] They're making that choice every day and they don't have that many days left as Jane Fonda keeps saying. Yeah

[51:28] there's a

[51:29] The there's a I mean, there's a fair number of jokes about how they all think they're gonna die soon

[51:35] And they're not gonna be married for long

[51:37] like they they're they're very open with Jane Fonda about like you got to do it now because you're gonna be dead soon and

[51:43] Maybe that's the the dark heart of book club. Anyway, Dan, don't worry. Don't worry. This is the holy

[51:49] I can't believe we went all this way and we don't get a single fucking wedding. What is going on Stewart?

[51:53] Don't get mad because the Holy Solemn Covenant of marriage will claim two victims this day

[51:57] Just not the victims you thought because Andy Garcia in the laziest possible way pulls Diane Keaton aside is like hey

[52:04] Let's get married, babe. And then Candice Bergen again the laziest way marries them. They don't even like bro. Can I have that ring?

[52:11] Bro, if you're not gonna use those ring hand them to me jams it on Diane's finger

[52:15] Candice is like you doing this and they're like deaf and then they do it

[52:19] And yeah, and this is a moment which I'm like you need a fucking wedding license

[52:23] Yeah, like anyone who's been married knows that there's a lot of hoops. You have to go through

[52:28] It was established in book club that Diane Keaton has grown children and she's like and they don't need to be here for this

[52:34] Unless they showed up for my best friend's last-minute wedding in Italy, which seems like a big ask of your children

[52:40] For them to attend that

[52:42] So she's like I don't care. I'm doing it

[52:44] They get married they drive off in the just

[52:47] Married car it turns out in this big twist in M night

[52:50] Shalama Shyamalan esque twist that it was Diane Keaton talking about herself in the VO and

[52:55] Runs out of the car to give her friends one final hug and then it's off to the credits as what plays again

[53:01] You guessed it. God damn it Mambo Italian

[53:05] Were you able to see the credits because on on Wikipedia or some or IMDB somewhere?

[53:10] It told me that like the credits had a bunch of like behind the scenes

[53:13] Yes shots that I actually kind of wanted to see but I think I watched this on

[53:21] Ecock, I don't know like whatever it was like immediately cut the credits off

[53:24] there was not even an option to watch the credits and

[53:28] If it had been a movie other than book club the next chapter, yeah, it would have made me very angry

[53:32] It was yeah, it was interesting my streaming service. Also

[53:37] It cut the movie off the moment. The credits aren't playing but I think that was user error

[53:42] So I so I did see the credits and yes next to the credits it does show just photographs of them making the movie

[53:49] But it's not interesting. It's like they're like vacation photos. It's like everyone posing everyone having a great time

[53:54] I wanted to see Ted Danson show up. I heard there is a photo of Ted Danson there that and he and with Mary

[54:01] No, he is not dancing

[54:05] Honestly if Ted Danson Danson tonight was that was was a show that was going up

[54:10] I'd go see it for sure. But it's a it is a lot in body heat. I

[54:15] Mean if you call it, I mean a little dancing

[54:17] It's not like it does a little bit of like shuffling, but it's not it's not a number

[54:21] It's like a big dance number or something like that

[54:26] Maybe Becker is more

[54:28] That's more dancing that I'd imagine from a from a secondary body heat. Sure. Yeah

[54:33] Not the character expect to do the dancing and body heat

[54:36] But yeah

[54:37] So he shows up and it to be on a scene Ted Danson one of those pictures was the most exciting thing in the movie

[54:41] But the it just it's one of those they want to show you how much fun they had making the movie

[54:46] Which I don't yes, you know, I'm a big killjoy

[54:49] I don't like my professionals to have fun and seeing that it's just like they're like look at all the fun

[54:53] We had you weren't there instead. You watched the movie we made which is not very good

[54:57] And so it felt like they were rubbing my nose and how much fun they had on this

[55:01] Let's get into that with final judgments whether this is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie you kind of liked

[55:09] I'm gonna say off the bat the original book club. I

[55:15] Was I was a little soft on it. I was surprised. I was like, you know what?

[55:19] Not great, but I enjoyed myself. I had a good time at book club. It actually made me emotional once or twice

[55:27] Good to see all these people

[55:30] This movie I can't bring myself to hate it like I said, these are still people

[55:37] Performers that I love there is a charm and seeing them just like

[55:41] shuffle around making these like

[55:44] Bad jokes, they've been fed and putting as much professionalism and spin on them as they can

[55:49] Mm-hmm, but it it is so

[55:54] Little like what this movie is at score

[55:57] There's a basic nothingness to this film that prevents me from saying I kind of liked it

[56:02] I will say it is bad bad, but I don't dislike it necessarily. Yeah, there's a bad bad movie that I'm not mad at

[56:09] I like all these ladies

[56:11] But I mean there's nothing there. This is barely a movie. This is like

[56:16] If you left this on for your pets to watch your pets would get bored

[56:20] Yeah, it's it's a bad movie there's not enough there to get to hate, you know, there's not a substance to hate but again

[56:26] Yeah, these leads are super charming. They're great. They're legends

[56:30] But if that's I guess that's our only alternative to China IP blockbusters, right? Oh, well, that's the thing right now

[56:36] It feels like the there are two kinds of movies that are made are giant IP

[56:40] tentpole movies and this basically and movies that are

[56:43] explicitly aimed at the older audience that is not interested in

[56:47] Superheroes or I don't know 80s. And that's why and that's probably why for the most part like

[56:54] For a movie star to carry a movie. They're almost always

[56:58] over 40 at this point, right?

[57:00] I mean that's partly you could also say that's that's a result of the movie industry forgetting how to build stars and and

[57:07] Prioritizing like like we're saying IP over humans. And so it no longer knows that so it's I mean there was this

[57:14] There was a little part of me that that was really depressed when I saw the trailer for Wonka or Willy Wonka

[57:20] Whatever it's called and I was like, oh Timothee Chalamet

[57:22] There was something special about you and now that I've seen you in this role a little bit of that specialness has gone away

[57:27] You know like yeah, you don't think he'd be the best possible Willy Wonka. I mean not even just that but I think he just

[57:34] Fought her for the machine now, you know, he's as opposed to someone who I've seen an interest. I'll go

[57:38] Yeah, I'll go into just that like I've liked him

[57:42] In the past, I think he's talented in Wonka. I'm like this man is putting

[57:48] No spin on a character. That is an imp of a man

[57:53] Well, we can we can we can talk about Wonka Mordita

[57:57] But yet it's like his his performance style is wrong for that character

[58:00] Yes

[58:01] unless it's the transformation of someone because and mate which maybe it is because his characters his performance style is a cool kind of

[58:07] very

[58:08] Quiet performance style whereas Willy Wonka is like you're saying an imp of a man like he's but maybe the movie is about how he

[58:14] Finds his energy and Wilder. I don't know. Maybe it's like bonked on the head by a coconut or something

[58:18] But yeah, no balloon, but throws a jelly jelly bean at him. Hope it turns into a madman box by coconut

[58:25] Yeah, so book club the next chapter. It is a sign of what's wrong in Hollywood right now, but not the way you think

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[1:00:07] to smalls.com slash flop and use promo code FLOP at checkout for 50% off your first order

[1:00:13] plus free shipping.

[1:00:15] That's the best offer you'll find, but you have to use our code FLOP for 50% off your

[1:00:20] first order.

[1:00:21] One last time, that is promo code FLOP, 50% off your first order plus free shipping.

[1:00:28] And I just want to make a short addendum.

[1:00:30] You should get smalls for your little furball, but if your little furball is a mogwai, please

[1:00:33] don't feed them smalls after midnight.

[1:00:34] Yes.

[1:00:35] Please don't.

[1:00:36] It's important.

[1:00:37] We also have a j-j-j-jumbotron.

[1:00:39] That's right.

[1:00:40] We have a jumbotron and it reads like this.

[1:00:44] Puppet Masters slash Castle Freaks is a new podcast all about full moon features, Empire

[1:00:49] International Films, and the direct-to-video horror boom of the 80s and 90s.

[1:00:54] Each week, Jared Hornbeck and Steve Guntley discuss a film from the Full Moon Catalog

[1:01:00] with movies like Puppet Master, Head of the Family, Castle Freak, and many, many, many

[1:01:08] more.

[1:01:09] Equipped with a deep love and knowledge of Z-grade horror and featuring some amazing

[1:01:13] guests, Puppet Masters slash Castle Freaks is the perfect podcast for horror fans.

[1:01:19] So check out Puppet Masters slash Castle Freaks wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:01:25] Sounds like the perfect podcast for Stu.

[1:01:26] And now here's a podcast for you.

[1:01:29] Podcast.

[1:01:30] Because we've got another jumbotron.

[1:01:31] Do you love podcasts where people watch slash read something and then talk about it?

[1:01:36] Do you, like Stuart, love demonstrating your knowledge of James Joyce's Ulysses?

[1:01:40] Are you, like Dan and Elliot, intimidated by your friend's knowledge of Buck Mulligan

[1:01:44] and cool cigarette cases?

[1:01:46] Do you love the Virginia Woolf tangents in the Don't Worry Darling and Troll 2 episodes?

[1:01:50] If so, Tipsy Turvy Ulysses is for you.

[1:01:53] Three friends, Eric, Wendy, and Shinjini, talk about the fun bits of Ulysses every other

[1:01:58] Friday.

[1:02:00] Find Tipsy Turvy Ulysses on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and subscribe.

[1:02:05] Finally, somebody as well-read as me.

[1:02:08] Something high class and literary.

[1:02:10] I mean, as far as I know, the only books you've read are Ulysses, Kane, and a bunch of Warhammer

[1:02:15] stuff.

[1:02:16] And Gene Wolfe's fantasy torture novels, yeah.

[1:02:19] Hey guys, hey listeners, just to give you a perfect example of what haters sound like,

[1:02:24] you just heard one.

[1:02:25] Yeah, if you need an example of haters.

[1:02:29] Hey, websters.

[1:02:31] Hey everybody.

[1:02:33] I wanted to make another promo announcement here.

[1:02:36] As of the recording of this episode, Dan and me, we're still on strike.

[1:02:39] We are contractually unable to make television right now unless we make television for ourselves,

[1:02:46] that is.

[1:02:47] Loophole.

[1:02:48] Loophole, loophole, loophole, air horn, loophole, air horn.

[1:02:51] So we're going independent and hitting the online airwaves and dragging stew along with

[1:02:55] us for Flop TV, a six-episode monthly one-hour version of this very podcast, August through

[1:03:00] January, the first Saturday of every month, except for September when it's the second

[1:03:04] Saturday because of Labor Day.

[1:03:06] We'll be bringing you all new Flophouse comedy in an easily digestible, televisual form.

[1:03:11] We'll be doing new PowerPoint presentations.

[1:03:13] We'll be talking about some of the most requested and most legendary bad movies ever, all movies

[1:03:17] we have not talked about before on the show, and we'll be answering questions from you,

[1:03:20] the audience.

[1:03:21] We're kicking things off in August with Beastmaster 2, through the portal of time, and then we'll

[1:03:25] be hitting questionable classics like Cool World, Over the Top, and New Key, the second

[1:03:30] worst movie I've ever seen.

[1:03:32] What?

[1:03:33] Yeah, I know.

[1:03:34] Tell me about it.

[1:03:36] I thought that was a goof.

[1:03:37] Oh, I said it.

[1:03:38] Now we have to do it.

[1:03:39] Are you busy during the live airing of the show?

[1:03:41] That's okay.

[1:03:42] Buying a ticket gets you access to the show's recording for two weeks after the original

[1:03:46] air date.

[1:03:47] Tickets are $7 each for individual shows, or you can buy a season pass for all six shows

[1:03:52] for $35.

[1:03:53] That's like getting a whole show for free.

[1:03:55] Do the math.

[1:03:56] I'm not lying.

[1:03:57] Just go to theflophouse.simpletics.com for tickets and see the list of movies we'll be

[1:04:02] covering.

[1:04:03] That's theflophouse.simpletics.com for our six-month Flop TV Live series.

[1:04:09] I can't wait.

[1:04:10] Welcome home to the Flop House.

[1:04:12] Is that our slogan?

[1:04:14] I'm just taking TV slogans.

[1:04:16] I don't like those people.

[1:04:17] I'm stealing their property the way they steal our property to explore.

[1:04:20] Yeah, that's true.

[1:04:25] I'm Jordan Morris.

[1:04:26] And I'm Jesse Thorne.

[1:04:27] On Jordan and Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense.

[1:04:30] We rope in awesome guests.

[1:04:32] And bring them down to our level.

[1:04:33] We get stupid with Judy Greer.

[1:04:35] My friend Molly and I call it having the space weirds.

[1:04:38] Patton Oswalt.

[1:04:39] Can I get a Balrog burger and some Aragorn fries?

[1:04:42] Thank you.

[1:04:43] And Kumail Nanjiani.

[1:04:44] I've come back with cat toothbrushes, which is impossible to use.

[1:04:48] Come get stupider with us at MaximumFun.org.

[1:04:50] Look, your podcast app's already open.

[1:04:52] Just pull it out.

[1:04:53] Give Jordan and Jesse Go a try.

[1:04:55] Being smart is hard.

[1:04:56] Be dumb instead.

[1:04:59] Oh, Ross.

[1:05:00] Yeah?

[1:05:01] I'm so glad I found you in line.

[1:05:02] These clouds are really freaking me out.

[1:05:04] I hate having to stand in line.

[1:05:06] And boy, what a line.

[1:05:08] These giraffes do not smell good.

[1:05:09] No, they do not.

[1:05:10] And they have such short necks.

[1:05:11] But I'm hearing we need to get on this ark.

[1:05:13] We've got to get on the ark.

[1:05:14] It is about to rain.

[1:05:15] God is about to destroy humanity.

[1:05:16] Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[1:05:17] Are you Noah?

[1:05:18] Yeah, I know we look like humans, but we're actually, we're podcasters.

[1:05:23] We are podcasters, so it's different.

[1:05:25] Have you heard of Ono, Ross, and Kerry?

[1:05:26] We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, stuff like that.

[1:05:31] And you have a boat and say the world's going to end, so it seemed like something for us

[1:05:33] to check out.

[1:05:34] We would love to be on the boat.

[1:05:36] We came two by two.

[1:05:37] What do you think?

[1:05:38] Ono, Ross, and Kerry.

[1:05:39] Available on MaximumFun.org.

[1:05:44] Speaking of exploiting content, let's do some letters from listeners.

[1:05:49] This one's from Jackie, last name withheld.

[1:05:52] Onassis.

[1:05:53] Who writes, hiya, fellers.

[1:05:57] What's the most famous movie location you grew up near?

[1:06:01] Even though I lived close to tons of Revolutionary War and early colonial stuff, by far the most

[1:06:06] famous movie location was at our local mall.

[1:06:10] And not just any mall movie, but the most famous mall movie, Paul Blart, Mall Cop.

[1:06:16] We all aren't fortunate enough to grow up in the-

[1:06:18] I feel like Dawn of the Dead is a more famous mall movie.

[1:06:21] Sorry about that.

[1:06:23] I mean, I don't know.

[1:06:26] I don't know at this point.

[1:06:27] I mean, it does have mall in the title.

[1:06:28] You're more of an Observe and Report guy.

[1:06:31] We aren't all fortunate enough to grow up in the Big Apple or La La Land, so recognizing

[1:06:36] a filming location can be a rare thrill.

[1:06:39] It was very exciting to see Kevin James segue past the Macy's that used to be a Jordan Marsh,

[1:06:45] or how they made it seem like the Payless Shoes was next to the KB Toys, when those

[1:06:49] aren't even on the same floor.

[1:06:50] It's wild.

[1:06:51] It's like the bullet car chase all over again.

[1:06:53] Or that the CVS smells like mildew because it's next to the Rainforest Cafe.

[1:06:58] I'm sure it's a lot like when you guys see the Statue of Liberty and stuff.

[1:07:01] Anyhoo, what movie made you yell?

[1:07:05] When they go past that store, Statue of Liberty and stuff, I was like, I know that store.

[1:07:10] What movie made you yell, hey, I know where that is.

[1:07:13] Thanks, Jackie.

[1:07:14] Last name withheld.

[1:07:15] I grew up in Eureka, Illinois, not known for its big movie productions.

[1:07:25] Didn't they shoot a Ghostbusters thing?

[1:07:27] No.

[1:07:28] You're thinking of New York City, where we're right now.

[1:07:31] It's possible.

[1:07:32] But they shot Book Club, the next chapter there, right?

[1:07:34] No, that was in Italy.

[1:07:36] It's possible.

[1:07:37] National Lampoon's European Vacation.

[1:07:39] That was, I don't know where that was shot.

[1:07:41] I mean, some of it was shot in Europe, I assume.

[1:07:43] I remember seeing Big Ben and such.

[1:07:46] Didn't they shoot Mars Needs Mom?

[1:07:48] That's an animated film.

[1:07:50] I don't think they shot it.

[1:07:51] It's set in Eureka, right?

[1:07:52] I mean, it's possible that Peoria, Illinois shows up in that, and JoJo Dancer, Your Life

[1:08:00] is Calling, the Richard Pryor pseudo biopic, since Pryor's from Peoria, but I've never

[1:08:05] seen it.

[1:08:06] That's why his name is Pryor and Peoria sound so similar.

[1:08:09] So I don't have a good answer for where I grew up, but two notable things about, just

[1:08:18] in general, I remember seeing John Wick, where a fight starts in a bunch of Russian baths

[1:08:24] and then goes upstairs to a club.

[1:08:28] And I realized, watching it, I'm like, oh, when I saw John Wick, I'm like, I was at both

[1:08:32] of those locations last weekend.

[1:08:35] When you were fighting Hitman.

[1:08:39] No, I had gone to the Russian bath with my ex, and then later that weekend was the WGA

[1:08:48] Awards, which were at the Edison Ballroom.

[1:08:49] And so it was this case where it's like, as Jackie says, like, I'm like, those things

[1:08:55] aren't connected at all.

[1:08:58] Just two different locations, magic of the movies.

[1:09:00] But I also remember I saw, just recently watched Past Lives, and there's a scene takes place

[1:09:06] in front of the carousel and Brooklyn Bridge Park.

[1:09:09] And I was like, I was just sitting there.

[1:09:10] I was just sitting exactly where those characters are.

[1:09:13] But what do you guys have, anything?

[1:09:16] My hometown, Fort Wayne, Indiana, was featured prominently in the indie movies of director

[1:09:23] Neil LaButte in the company of men, I believe opens with a scene in the Fort Wayne International

[1:09:30] Airport.

[1:09:31] I think it's called international because there are some Canadian flights.

[1:09:37] Because it no longer, it has never considered Montana part of the United States.

[1:09:43] Yeah.

[1:09:44] Yeah, it's in our state charter.

[1:09:47] I grew up in Millburn, New Jersey.

[1:09:50] And I could say, like, there's a very well respected regional theater there.

[1:09:54] And a few productions there were filmed for great performances, but I feel like that doesn't

[1:09:57] really count.

[1:09:58] Nope.

[1:09:59] Nope.

[1:10:00] Nope.

[1:10:00] And there's a scene in the movie Hair that's set in Short Hills, and I think they shot

[1:10:04] in Short Hills, which is a neighborhood in Millburn, but I don't know if they did for

[1:10:07] sure.

[1:10:08] But the location growing up that people got the most excited about was there was a Meryl

[1:10:13] Streep, Renee Zellweger movie called One True Thing that they shot in the next door town

[1:10:17] of Maplewood, New Jersey, where we'd spent a lot of time.

[1:10:21] And there used to be a diner there called the Maple Leaf that my family would eat in

[1:10:23] a lot, and they shot part of the movie in that diner.

[1:10:26] And for a long time there was a post-it note above the booth where the characters sat that

[1:10:30] just said, One True Thing booth.

[1:10:32] They didn't put a sign up, they didn't put a picture up from that scene, just a post-it

[1:10:36] note that said One True Thing booth that I assume fell down many times.

[1:10:40] And eventually they redid the inside of the restaurant, they just never put the post-it

[1:10:44] note back up again.

[1:10:45] But the thing that really brings me back, so if I ever watch that movie again, which

[1:10:48] I don't plan on it, that I would recognize that.

[1:10:52] But there's two movies that were not about where I grew up, but about places I spent

[1:10:55] a lot of time as a younger man, that really hit me that way.

[1:10:58] One is the movie The Landlord, the great Hal Ashby movie starring Beau Bridges.

[1:11:04] It takes place in Park Slope, Brooklyn, a neighborhood I lived in for many years.

[1:11:07] And there are buildings there that I recognize very well, and I'm like, that's what that

[1:11:11] building used to be.

[1:11:12] Before it was an expensive yoga studio, it was a barber shop, like that kind of stuff.

[1:11:16] And seeing that neighborhood at a very different time in its history is exciting.

[1:11:20] But the movie, I have to admit, where I got the most thrill of seeing a place that I knew

[1:11:24] well, and it's a dumb answer, there's a really dumb movie called Robot and the Family.

[1:11:29] Well nigh unwatchable, I would call it.

[1:11:34] It's a terrible movie.

[1:11:35] It does have what, John Rhys-Davies is in it, right?

[1:11:40] I just remember that robot doing a constant stream of chatter.

[1:11:45] None of it's funny, all of it irritating.

[1:11:48] The main star is, why am I forgetting his name, from Sopranos and Matrix and stuff like

[1:11:55] that.

[1:11:56] Joey Pants?

[1:11:57] Joey Pants.

[1:11:59] Joey Pants is like an inventor who invents a robot.

[1:12:01] And so much of that movie was shot-

[1:12:03] Oh, from Bound?

[1:12:04] Yes, from Bound.

[1:12:06] Joey Pants, the owner of the house that I stayed in once, has an Airbnb in Long Island,

[1:12:09] and the dog next door kept barking constantly, and none of us could sleep.

[1:12:15] And we didn't know it was his house when we Airbnb-ed it.

[1:12:19] You didn't open up the closets and they were full of pants, and you're like, oh!

[1:12:24] Wait a minute, only one person would have pants in their closet.

[1:12:28] That movie, so much of it was shot on this one stretch of Broadway in Manhattan between

[1:12:31] like 14th Street and 12th or 11th Street, where there was a bunch of antique shops.

[1:12:36] I think they're still there.

[1:12:37] And I used to walk that stretch almost every day, multiple times a day when I was a student

[1:12:41] at NYU, going from my dorm on 14th Street to my classes at Washington Square.

[1:12:46] And I was like, wait a minute, I know that stretch of Broadway so well.

[1:12:50] Like I know each of those antique stores.

[1:12:52] I've walked by them so many times, and I felt so dumb that I was watching this crappy, low-budget

[1:12:57] movie, and I was like, oh my God, I know that stretch of Broadway.

[1:13:01] And it's like, yeah, it's a stretch of- a certain street in the biggest city in America.

[1:13:05] Like it's been filmed many times, but that is the place where I was like, I can't believe

[1:13:08] this is in a movie.

[1:13:09] I know that stuff.

[1:13:11] So, Robot in the Family.

[1:13:13] That's his recommendation this week.

[1:13:16] Yep.

[1:13:17] So this one is from Parker Bennett, our friend of the pod.

[1:13:21] Oh yeah.

[1:13:22] Super Mario Bros. writer, Parker Bennett.

[1:13:24] Congrats on your big milestone, guys.

[1:13:25] I was delighted to hear your commentary on a movie that didn't really qualify as a flop,

[1:13:30] excepted my heart.

[1:13:31] Trust the floppers to always provide maximum fun.

[1:13:34] Your friend of the pod, Parker Bennett, the guy who wrote the Super Mario Bros. movie that

[1:13:39] didn't make $1.34 billion and is not at all bitter.

[1:13:43] So like, look, this is the kind of value that we provide, guys.

[1:13:48] You know?

[1:13:49] What's that?

[1:13:50] Sometimes it's narrow casting.

[1:13:51] Sometimes it's just for the screenwriter of the Bob Hoskins Super Mario Bros. film.

[1:13:54] Oh, okay.

[1:13:55] Let him know that he is appreciated artistically, even if financially, you know.

[1:14:01] That explains our Super Mario Bros. hit piece we put together.

[1:14:04] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:14:05] Yeah, yeah.

[1:14:06] I think, Parker, you know that if it makes you feel any better, you know that even if

[1:14:10] you had written this one, you wouldn't see a dime of residuals on it.

[1:14:13] Yeah, that's true.

[1:14:14] They've come up with so many accounting tricks.

[1:14:15] I'm constantly amazed by Ed Solomon's Twitter feed.

[1:14:19] Ed Solomon, the writer of Men in Black, among other things, how he writes a lot about how

[1:14:23] Men in Black is still every year, according to the studios, losing money.

[1:14:27] And so he has never seen residuals off of it.

[1:14:30] The movie that they made two sequels and then tried to expand the franchise with over a

[1:14:33] number of years never made money.

[1:14:35] It loses money every year.

[1:14:36] Yeah, even after all of these years when presumably all of the costs associated with the film.

[1:14:41] It should be over.

[1:14:42] Yeah.

[1:14:43] Well, I once, I read, I don't know if this is true, I read that one thing that studios

[1:14:45] would do is make DVDs of the movie, store them, and then destroy them.

[1:14:50] And that way they can charge to the production the DVD manufacturing, storage fees, and destruction

[1:14:55] fees.

[1:14:56] And it's all a way to just not pay the people who worked on the movie money.

[1:14:59] So Parker, don't worry.

[1:15:00] They'd come up with all sorts of accounting tricks to make sure you didn't see a dime

[1:15:03] of that $1 billion.

[1:15:04] Does that make you feel better?

[1:15:07] Sure makes me feel.

[1:15:08] How do you become a studio?

[1:15:10] Well, here's the thing.

[1:15:13] You have money.

[1:15:14] And so that money makes you think you're a genius who knows more than everybody else

[1:15:17] in the world and that you can do everything.

[1:15:19] And that's it.

[1:15:20] Hey, speaking of gripes with the entertainment system, Elliot, do you want to maybe feel

[1:15:27] a little explanation about what we're doing with recommendations?

[1:15:30] If this is what we're officially doing, then yes.

[1:15:32] I think we are.

[1:15:34] Okay.

[1:15:35] Well, during this time, it's a guideline that writers are not allowed to promote things

[1:15:40] that they've worked on.

[1:15:41] And I know that SAG-AFTRA has made it official that in their guidelines that actors are not

[1:15:45] allowed to promote things they've worked on.

[1:15:47] And they want influencers and people online who are part of SAG-AFTRA to not even promote

[1:15:51] anything coming out from the AMPTP members, even stuff that they just like as a fan.

[1:15:56] And I think that the Flophouse, we're kind of riding that gray line a little bit since

[1:16:00] we just talked about the book club, the next chapter for an hour, although I don't know

[1:16:04] that we made it that sound that appealing.

[1:16:06] But we would also like to follow in this.

[1:16:08] We don't want to be directing people towards stuff that's being made right now, not because

[1:16:12] we want to hurt the people who made those things.

[1:16:14] And I make it clear that we have nothing against the people who made those products.

[1:16:17] But why are we doing advertising work or promotion for these conglomerates and companies that

[1:16:23] are stiffing us and not treating the people who made those things properly?

[1:16:27] And so we're going to do our best.

[1:16:29] We may slip up sometimes.

[1:16:30] But we're going to do our best to recommend things that will not be driving business to,

[1:16:34] you say, movies that are in the theaters right now.

[1:16:37] And we'll figure out what those restrictions are as we do them.

[1:16:40] But I'm going to follow them as strictly as I can.

[1:16:43] So you guys want to hear what my recommendation is?

[1:16:44] Yeah, I recommend it.

[1:16:46] To be honest, I was going to recommend this this anyway, because I just saw it recently

[1:16:50] for the first time and I was really blown away by it.

[1:16:53] It's something that I was not familiar with at all.

[1:16:55] And I stumbled on it.

[1:16:56] And maybe the listeners are very familiar with it.

[1:16:58] It's called blown away.

[1:16:59] Anyway, it's called.

[1:17:00] Yeah, the but this is a I want to I want to recommend a short from 1976.

[1:17:06] This is a movie that's only about 12 minutes long is directed by a British filmmaker named

[1:17:10] John Smith.

[1:17:11] It's called The Girl Chewing Gum.

[1:17:12] And it is a movie in which you are watching a street in London.

[1:17:17] Much of it is a locked off shot of the street.

[1:17:19] And there is a voice off camera that appears to be directing everyone who appears on the

[1:17:23] street into what they're doing.

[1:17:24] I want that truck to move forward a little bit.

[1:17:26] Now stop.

[1:17:27] Now keep moving forward.

[1:17:28] Now the man with the black jacket will walk through.

[1:17:31] Now the girl chewing gum is going to walk through.

[1:17:33] And it becomes clearer and clearer as you watch it that the person who you assumed had

[1:17:38] complete directorial authority and control over this is really just describing the things

[1:17:42] that are happening.

[1:17:43] And it begins to call even more and more attention to kind of the artificiality of what seemed

[1:17:47] at first to be very straightforward situation.

[1:17:50] And anyway, it's I thought was really cool.

[1:17:52] And like I said, I stumbled on it and it's only 12 minutes long.

[1:17:56] It doesn't take a lot of time to watch it, but I found it really fascinating.

[1:17:58] And it's called The Girl Chewing Gum.

[1:18:00] And you know, I'm not I don't know much about avant-garde short film.

[1:18:03] I know about meshes of the afternoon.

[1:18:05] That's about it.

[1:18:06] So this is opening an exciting new world of film to me because every time I think I know

[1:18:10] a lot about movies, I watch a movie that shows me.

[1:18:13] I don't know that much about movies.

[1:18:14] There's always a larger world out there.

[1:18:15] And that's very exciting.

[1:18:16] The Girl Chewing Gum directed by John Smith.

[1:18:19] You know, I'm going to recommend I'm going to swerve hard away from recommending even

[1:18:23] any entertainment.

[1:18:24] I'm going to recommend.

[1:18:25] Here's the thing.

[1:18:26] Pain.

[1:18:27] Hammocks.

[1:18:28] So a couple of years back when I'm like now, I was not on strike.

[1:18:39] I had a backyard and I on a whim put on my Amazon wish list for like Christmas or whatever

[1:18:50] a hammock.

[1:18:51] Not like a hammock.

[1:18:52] You got a string up between trees, but a hammock that comes, you know, with a frame.

[1:18:57] You put it on the frame, self-contained hammock.

[1:19:01] All of the work has been been taken out of hammocks, guys.

[1:19:05] You don't have to tie a thing around a tree and worry whether it, you know, you've done

[1:19:09] it right.

[1:19:10] You just put it over a frame.

[1:19:12] You got yourself a hammock.

[1:19:13] You don't have to worry that a cartoon dog is going to run by chasing a cartoon cat and

[1:19:16] spin you around in it.

[1:19:17] Now I no longer have a backyard, but I do have a small balcony.

[1:19:22] And you know what?

[1:19:23] That hammock fits out there.

[1:19:25] Just right.

[1:19:26] I've been too hot lately during the summer to spend any time in a hammock.

[1:19:29] I've been too busy to spend any time in a hammock.

[1:19:32] But when it's cooler and I get the chance, nothing like a little hammock time.

[1:19:38] So that's my recommendation.

[1:19:39] That was that hit rap song from MC Hammock, right?

[1:19:43] Yeah.

[1:19:44] Hammock time?

[1:19:45] Yeah.

[1:19:46] Please hammock.

[1:19:47] Don't relax him.

[1:19:48] There you go.

[1:19:49] Dan, I'll tell you, I used to have a hammock like that.

[1:19:51] Super, super relaxing.

[1:19:52] That's a great recommendation.

[1:19:54] I always find hammocks a little bit stressful.

[1:19:56] Maybe I'm maybe I'm doing it wrong.

[1:19:58] I mean, getting into them.

[1:20:00] and getting out of them I find stressful but once you've overcome that challenge

[1:20:04] yeah yeah then it's just great it's like you got to earn it it's like religion you got to

[1:20:07] do the work to earn the salvation yeah yeah so do you do you just like jump in all at once or do you

[1:20:12] uh uh i wouldn't recommend jumping in all once no you just sort of you sit down sort of normally

[1:20:17] okay normal style i've i was rotate you actually like it's better to lay kind of across the hammock

[1:20:24] than it is to fully sort of put yourself in the hammock uh so you're like fully parallel

[1:20:31] to the hammock i'm gonna have to watch uh i'm gonna have to watch some youtube videos

[1:20:35] there's a lot of ins and outs you're gonna want to take a class on the learn at the learning annex

[1:20:40] yes uh man so uh what what do i recommend here uh uh i could recommend shirts without sleeves

[1:20:51] i think that's a good move especially when it's hot out wearing one right now man i'm wearing one

[1:20:56] right now that would work look at those armpits look at my armpits out uh but there they are

[1:21:04] hello here we are yeah i mean you can't hide us you just buy like a regular shirt you know

[1:21:09] and then you just yeah just cut the sleeves scissors yeah well i mean if i mean if you've

[1:21:13] been working out enough then you can just flex and the sleeves will tear off uh but wait i can't

[1:21:19] do that is elliot saying i don't work out enough oh do i have to go to the gym today

[1:21:26] are you making my brain i'm still unclear is that your recommendation or uh yeah i guess sure my

[1:21:32] recommendation is going to be tank tops you know the thing about a tank top uh you know it's all

[1:21:38] gender it's great recommend it you don't have to buy a specific tank top you can buy a t-shirt and

[1:21:43] just cut the sleeves off i would recommend measuring about halfway between the shoulder

[1:21:48] seam and the neck seam but that's just you know that's the style i like you know and you and now

[1:21:54] by recommending tank tops you are not in any way uh recommending militarism or support for for uh

[1:22:00] for violent aggressive action nope nope i'm recommending maybe find another use for

[1:22:07] uh an article of clothing you already own that maybe hasn't seen a lot of use lately maybe

[1:22:11] some old t-shirts you don't need anymore so it's not a top for an actual tank no although i mean

[1:22:18] i guess if you have a tank you might as well put a top on it like the old saying says um

[1:22:25] well i hope you know just another reason to hope for a rapid end to uh to the strike if you happen

[1:22:33] to hate the new direction that recommendations are going if you love it uh still let's hope for the

[1:22:39] strikes i just i'm amazed that i'm amazed that i was like i'll outdo these guys i'm gonna recommend

[1:22:43] like this british avant-garde student film in the 70s and you're like no we're gonna outdo you

[1:22:48] we're not even recommending movies anymore yeah we're breaking we're barely even recommending

[1:22:52] things yeah we're just talking about a couple things we enjoy yeah uh speaking of things to

[1:22:58] enjoy why not go over to maximumfun.org they got a whole bunch of things to enjoy podcasts

[1:23:04] primarily although if you like merch you know you can get merch uh you want a shirt to cut

[1:23:09] the sleeves off they sell a flop house tank top so you don't even need to cut the sleeves off if

[1:23:14] you don't want to this may have changed by the time uh you hear this but if you can't find flop

[1:23:19] house uh we've discovered that is under t for the yeah if the items if you say uh organize items a to

[1:23:28] z go to the t section because that's where the flop house is located for t-shirts comma flop house

[1:23:34] um uh also uh thank you to alex smith our producer he goes by the name howell dotty on various

[1:23:43] socials he does a lot of stuff he does music music he does twitch streams he is a renaissance man

[1:23:51] um and that's basically i can see elliot wanting to say something about how he's you know living

[1:23:58] in the modern era maybe he's not actually uh from the renaissance but then he thought better

[1:24:03] of it he's i was i was gonna make fun of i was gonna make fun of the way you said renaissance

[1:24:08] like there was a z in it like pizza and i was like maybe that's how they say it in italy i don't know

[1:24:12] i've never been there i but i did want to say also remember we've got our series of live shows coming

[1:24:16] up go to the go to theflophouse.simpletix.com to learn more and to buy tickets or if you or and

[1:24:23] slash or in addition to if you don't do your part to help the writers and artists on strike or

[1:24:28] you want to help anyone involved in the entertainment community who needs help then

[1:24:32] entertainmentcommunity.org the entertainment community fund uh is the place to donate and

[1:24:36] there's another place i only found about recently if you go to tusctogether.com that's the union

[1:24:42] solidarity fund and that is for help for uh other unions crew unions uh beyond just actors writers

[1:24:50] uh everyone is being hurt by the amptp's complete dickish refusal to pay people properly and

[1:24:59] donations to both of those areas will help people should they need that help and they may need it

[1:25:03] so thank you very much for your support we appreciate it and thank you for your support

[1:25:07] by listening to us the flop house which has just ended this episode for the flop house i have been

[1:25:15] dan mccoy oh uh i'm sure i'm elliott caylan and i was not taken by surprise because as dan

[1:25:21] mentioned explained ahead we're ending the episode now i wouldn't have known

[1:25:25] but he told me and i appreciate it yeah okay bye

[1:25:32] sort of half-hearted that one yeah

[1:25:33] so

[1:25:43] here's how it starts just do it i can't believe you're putting me in the position

[1:25:47] of having to be like yeah let's just do it already enough fussing around

[1:25:53] that's the trick i play okay uh okay it starts like this

[1:25:58] maximum fun a worker-owned network of artists owned shows supported directly by you

Ep. #401 - Book Club: The Next Chapter

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