FH Mini 86 - Watch Which?

[0:00] Hello, everybody. Welcome to another Flophouse Mini. That's right. This is the Flophouse

[0:08] podcast. But today, we're not talking about one bad movie and then Dan tells us why he

[0:14] liked it and it made him cry. Instead, we're going to talk about a bunch of different things

[0:18] that are all the things we want to talk about. My name is Elliot Kalin and joining me are

[0:22] my two co-hosts.

[0:24] Dan McCoy. Emotions are not something to shame, Elliot.

[0:29] And Stuart Wellington. I don't have anything else to add. I thought Elliot's was perfect.

[0:34] Thank you. I appreciate it. I want to mention before we get into the main body episode that

[0:38] today, the day this episode is released, if you're one of those Flophouse diehards who

[0:42] listens to the episodes the moment they drop, that today, Saturday, August 5th, tonight,

[0:48] we will be performing the first ever episode of Flop TV, our streaming television version

[0:54] of this Flophouse podcast. This is a kind of streamlined, visual, in-your-face podcast

[1:00] TV program thing that's just like watching at the Flophouse.

[1:05] Probably overselling. I don't know how.

[1:08] Most amazing thing in the world. Secrets of the Pyramids revealed. We will cure scrofula

[1:12] if you have it. And so that is tonight. It is 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. Tickets

[1:18] are available at theflophouse.simpletics.com. We're going to be talking about Beastmaster

[1:22] 2 through the Portal of Time. It's an exciting movie. It has a Portal of Time and a Beastmaster

[1:27] in the same movie. And hey, if you can't make the show tonight, don't worry. You buy a ticket.

[1:33] You have access to a recording of the show for two weeks. The exact amount of time that

[1:37] Arnold Schwarzenegger says he's going to be on Mars when he's trying to sneak onto Mars

[1:40] in Total Recall. Two weeks. So that's theflophouse.simpletics.com. Join us tonight as Dan, Stuart and I will

[1:46] be talking Beastmaster 2 through the Portal of Time. I'm going to be doing an original

[1:50] PowerPoint presentation. We're going to answer a couple questions from viewers. It's going

[1:54] to be a lot of fun, but you can watch it for two weeks afterwards if you buy a ticket.

[1:58] Season passes are, of course, available for our whole Flop TV season. Guys, do you have

[2:02] anything to add before we get to the main body of this mini?

[2:04] I just wanted to add that while there are visual elements, that presentation, there's

[2:10] some nice little video clips interspersed in. I wouldn't call it particularly visual

[2:17] or in-your-face. I don't want to set them up for unfair expectation.

[2:24] Our basic Flophouse waiver is lower those standards. Take those standards and take them

[2:29] down low, low, low, low. They hit the floor, those standards. And the standards will also

[2:36] be wearing boots with the fur and so forth. Wow. Okay. So Elliot said his piece, Dan has

[2:42] said his. I guess, what do I have to add? Let's see. Well, guys, I did some really heavy

[2:48] weightlifting yesterday, so my brain's a little fried.

[2:51] I don't think that's pertinent to the current moment.

[2:54] Is it one of those things like when you pick up something heavy and you can feel your face

[2:57] tightening? Yes.

[2:59] Is it like that where you pulled something heavy and your brain had to give a little

[3:02] bit of extra oomph to get you lift it? Yes. Yeah. The mind-muscle connection, Elliot.

[3:07] Exactly. Someday we'll find it. The mind-muscle connection.

[3:10] My yoga teacher, I was making a face and she says, does that face help you do this? In

[3:15] my head, I'm like, yeah, kind of, a little bit. Wow.

[3:19] No, I mean, she's doing her ass on. Your yoga teacher said, does your face hurt?

[3:24] Because it's killing me. Boom. Get her on the podcast.

[3:28] I mean, you know, it's true. You're supposed to relax and breathe through the you're not

[3:33] supposed to clinch up. But anyway, Elliot, I believe you're in the middle of introducing

[3:39] the show proper. Yes. Now, I am the captain of this episode

[3:42] and I'm going to steer the ship. So let's see what happens. As everyone knows, a few

[3:47] weeks ago, saw the release of one of the most miraculously mismatched movie pairings in

[3:52] one weekend of recent times, Barbie and Oppenheimer.

[3:57] One film was the story of one of man's most physically and emotionally traumatizing inventions.

[4:02] And the other was about the atomic bomb. It was going. You saw it a mile away. The Internet

[4:08] went crazy over this idea that two movies could be released on the same day.

[4:12] And there were all these articles online, one by our old pal, Matt Singer, about how

[4:16] about other weekends in the past when two classic movies or big movies were both released.

[4:20] Like, for instance, in 1984, when Gremlins and Ghostbusters came out the same weekend,

[4:23] a big weekend for the letter G, a very important weekend for the letter G and adolescent fan

[4:29] for the letter E.K. very much so. I mean, I was about I think it was what, summer 84.

[4:35] So I think I was two and a half years old at the time. But you better believe if I've

[4:38] been old enough, eventually I would have got eventually both those movies played a very

[4:42] important part to me. But we're not going to talk about Gremlins and Ghostbusters anymore

[4:45] on this episode, because here's the thing. In the 1980s, so many movies were being released

[4:50] that multiple movies usually came out on the same day. And if anything, being shocked

[4:55] at two big movies coming out on the same day is more than anything, an indictment of how

[4:59] few movies are released to theaters currently and their tragic lack of variety. It's a serious

[5:03] issue which I thought we'd explore in a fun way with a game I'm calling Watch Witch. Welcome

[5:08] to Watch Witch, everybody. It's a new game you guys are going to play. Watch Witch is

[5:12] brought to you by John Montagu, the fourth Earl of Sandwich, where they're acting as

[5:16] first Lord of the Admiralty, plenipotentiary to the Congress of Brita, or member of the

[5:20] Hellfire Club. There's more to the fourth Earl of Sandwich than just inventing the sandwich.

[5:25] Learn about him, won't you? What was his mutant power? His mutant power was the invention

[5:29] of foods. Oh, OK. Yeah. He could combine foods in ways that had never been done before. It's

[5:34] the same mutant power seen in the movie Ratatouille, for instance, and and in kitchens everywhere.

[5:39] Guys, am I a mutant? Yeah. I mean, maybe not as good a power to use against the X-Men,

[5:44] but probably better just in life and in the world. I mean, when you look at the actual

[5:48] Hellfire Club in the comics, not the actual Hellfire Club that John Montagu was a member

[5:52] of, but the comic one, their powers didn't really help them that much against the X-Men.

[5:56] Wolverine alone took out most of them in the classic Dark Phoenix story. So if John Montagu

[6:01] be like, hey, X-Men, eat this, eat this, eat this. Now they're all sluggish. Their bellies

[6:05] are full. They can't fight that well because they and they throw up because they're sick

[6:09] from fighting and eating at the same time. I think you could take those X-Men down. But

[6:14] they all had cool outfits, right? They dressed old-timey like old-timey jerks. He dressed

[6:18] old-timey because it was old-timey times. It was the actual 18th century. So that's

[6:22] why he dressed that way. What was their goal? Were they just kind of generally like they

[6:27] just did bad things? World domination. World domination, dude. OK. Yeah. Because it always

[6:32] felt kind of like that maybe this was like a sex club. But then on the side, there's

[6:36] also a sex club. Based on the outfits. Yeah. Here's the thing. So it seems unrealistic

[6:42] that these characters who are already rich, powerful and able to pull the levers of politics,

[6:48] commerce, everything from the shadows. It feels strange to believe that there's anything

[6:51] more that they would want and that they would go out of their way to cause trouble for themselves

[6:56] by calling attention to themselves. And yet, as we've seen, it's what rich people do every

[7:00] day. There's no amount of power that you can have that doesn't you don't want credit for.

[7:05] And it may be it leads you to try to hypnotize the Phoenix and thus unleash planet destroying

[7:10] power. Maybe it leads you to spend forty four billion dollars on a perfectly fine social

[7:15] media platform and then take everything that people liked about it and remove it. Destroy

[7:20] its only conceivable value. Its branding is a thing people know and replace it with the

[7:25] letter X. It's a letter that indicates don't don't go in there. Yeah. The thing I think

[7:32] is so funny is, I mean, it's the turn. It turns out Elon Musk is the real X man. Oh,

[7:38] the the funny thing I think about is they're like it's called X now. X is the everything

[7:42] platform. It's not Twitter. It's X. You don't tweet their X's, but you still go to Twitter

[7:46] dot com to get to X. Like there's no like if you're going to use it, if it's not an

[7:49] app that you're still you're not going to X dot com, you know, which I assume is the

[7:53] Web site of the X games. Do not write in and tell me what it actually is. Anyway, so here's

[7:56] the game we're going to play. It's called Watch Witch. So in this game, I'm going to

[8:00] take you back to a few historic weekends, the 1980s, when moviegoers had a tough choice

[8:04] to make about what new movie to watch. I'm going to assign a scenario about a date and

[8:09] time when these movies are coming out. And each of you will be assigned a movie. Actually,

[8:12] you'll pick a movie that you'll have to convince me, the third member of the party, to watch

[8:17] rather than your opponent's movie. Now, we're taking turns with our opening statements and

[8:21] our rebuttals for each one. You get an opening statement or rebuttal and then it can turn

[8:24] into an argument. That's fine. It's not a real debate. And you also take turns picking

[8:28] which movie you want to champion. Now, here's the thing. This is the 1980s. Before the Internet

[8:34] was around to tell us everything we'd want to know about a movie before we saw it. So

[8:37] you're going to have to make your argument based only on the poster for the movie and

[8:41] any information you could reasonably glean from the trailer. And we are not expert movie

[8:46] buffs in this. We are merely ordinary people out for a night of fun at the movies. OK,

[8:51] so do you guys feel ready for this? OK, so we're like normal moviegoers, right? We're

[8:58] not. Yes, you are. Normal moviegoers like Dan over here or. Yeah, I don't know. My our

[9:06] friend John, who sees every movie like we have to. That's that's the way I think of

[9:11] myself as an elite movie level. I mean, you do see every movie. I see all of them. Yeah,

[9:16] that makes me elite. My sedentary movie centered lifestyle. You're one of those damn elitists

[9:25] that are making things hard for normal everyday salt of the earth moviegoers by ruining our

[9:29] movies anyway. So, guys, are you ready for there's going to be two rounds. Are you ready

[9:33] for the first round one? We have two rounds in the middle round one. Then, of course,

[9:37] our ad sponsor break and then the rest. And I'm going to have to share my screen every

[9:40] now and then. This might get a little clumsy. So, Alex, please feel free to cut out any

[9:46] dead air that results. But don't lose all the gold. Don't lose the gold. Yeah, there's

[9:51] already been so much of it. Oh, boy. What am I doing? Guys, if there's some 10 in there,

[9:56] though, or some pewter, you can feel free to snip that right out.

[10:00] Yeah, we don't need that or pyrite fools gold. It's also called

[10:03] Yeah, or pyrite the the glass that you can use that you make baking dishes out of Alex

[10:08] If the sound to the movie fools gold is in this episode, please cut it out because we do not have the rights to that

[10:14] Please remove it. Please remove it. Yeah, we would get sued. Okay guys number one

[10:19] The date is July

[10:22] Do you think at one point when they're naming the movie fools gold? They're like, let's call this bitch pyrite

[10:30] That was the working title pyrites of the Caribbean

[10:35] Penn's ants and they were like, nobody knows what pyrite is

[10:39] We'll call it fools gold and the writers were like grumble grumble grumble and exactly my name off of this

[10:43] We're geniuses and then the movie. I don't know how it did. Maybe it was a big I guess

[10:47] alienate our strong geologist following

[10:51] There goes the chemist audience. Yeah, so guys, here's the first scenario. The date is July 15th

[10:59] 1988 and we are a team of political operatives preparing Atlanta

[11:03] Georgia's Omni Coliseum for the upcoming Democratic National Convention, which starts in three days

[11:09] You know, we won't have a lot of time to watch movies once the convention starts

[11:12] So we better make a good choice tonight. So do we see and let me put up let me let me put up

[11:19] These posters do we see diehard starring the guy from moonlighting?

[11:24] That's all we know him as or a fish called Wanda starring two guys from Monty Python

[11:29] The lady from trading places and one of the guys from Silverado now Dan you'll get you get to choose first

[11:34] Which movie are you going to say? We should watch. I think I'm gonna champion a fish called Wanda. Not a surprise

[11:40] So Street, you'll be taking diehard now. Remember all we know is what we've seen in the posters

[11:45] Maybe we've seen a trailer, but probably not we've been busy setting up the Democratic National Convention

[11:50] So Dan you can go first. Why are we seeing a fish called Wanda?

[11:53] It looks like there's a giant fish in it. Yeah crazy about that. No, that's what I'm saying. Look, it's it's got a big

[12:00] Kind of sexy looking fish that you know

[12:04] Yeah, this is the sexiest fish pre shape of water which is of course the sexiest fish of all time

[12:11] this reminds me I

[12:13] Got the very important note that maybe we should describe visual things when we have them. We got a lineup of five people

[12:20] One of four people in a giant fish

[12:23] One is a giant fish lady one is Jamie Lee Curtis Kevin Klein and of course Michael Palin and

[12:30] They are it's a police lineup. So this fish has committed some sort of crime

[12:34] I want to know what kind of crime a sexy lady fish

[12:38] Committed also Kevin Klein. We all love them from pyrites of penzance. So yeah, there's that

[12:46] Uh, Michael Palin seems to have been beaten up maybe by the fish who doesn't want to see that

[12:53] So you're really leaning hard on the fish, which I understand

[12:56] I mean, you know John Cleese also, you know, obviously hilarious

[13:00] Remember, we're saying this in the past where John Cleese hasn't proved himself to be an irritant on Twitter

[13:07] Just a beloved figure in the comedy world

[13:10] And now keep in mind we're not we're not comedy snobs like in real life. We are three political operatives

[13:17] Yeah, but if we're political operatives setting up for the Democratic National Convention, maybe we don't like what John Cleese has been saying today in

[13:25] We don't know anything about that. That's my point. What are you arguing?

[13:30] We might not even be aware of John Cleese's past work you can't you might be aware what are you talking about?

[13:38] You can't say that

[13:40] That's fair. Okay. Well you

[13:43] Fabrication you've made a strong argument that we should see what this sexy fish lady did. Maybe she beat up Michael Palin

[13:49] Stewart, okay. Take this other movie die hard. No, it's the guy from sure lighting. There's a lot of text on this poster and

[13:57] The text is very helpful

[13:59] I think in this case because if you see the movie is called die hard and it stars Bruce Willis as he mentioned is from

[14:05] Moonlighting he appears to be

[14:07] Much larger than an exploding building that he is standing next to and he is shocked from this poster

[14:13] I'm assuming that he's a giant man who maybe accidentally bumped into this building and is like, oh

[14:19] This picture of this picture this poster is in black and white except for the title very cool

[14:23] Looks like a war metal album cover an album that probably is made by dudes with sketchy politics

[14:30] Now Bruce Willis's head takes up a large chunk of the poster and then next to his head is

[14:35] The what we will later find out is the Nakatomi Plaza building which which has police spotlights on it

[14:41] And the roof of this building is exploding Ellie. Why are you taking him to task for bringing that?

[14:46] I was just about to I was waiting for a sentence to finish two things one. We don't know. It's Nakatomi Plaza

[14:51] We don't know what this building is. And two we don't know if those are police searchlights

[14:55] Those could be movie premiere searchlights were to be honest. Those could be tentacles coming out of the building

[15:01] We don't know because we haven't seen the movie

[15:03] Okay, so it appears that the the the roof of the building is exploding or maybe that's like a blob. It's really

[15:13] It could be a movie about an ejaculating movie

[15:17] Building does feel a little bit like when they design this poster

[15:21] They're already like let's make it easy for somebody to make a porno version of this

[15:28] Called I mean, I feel like it would you don't have to change

[15:32] Hard on I think or something. Yeah, that's a die hard on or dick hard guy hard guy. Hard is good. Yeah guy hard

[15:39] Yeah, that actually that works really well. Okay, so let's see tagline up at the top

[15:44] Die short and it's a very specific type of porno finish

[15:48] Okay, so the tagline of the top 40 stories of sheer adventure with an exclamation point

[15:54] I feel like that's that should be selling us already. I don't want to watch an anthology movie for you

[16:02] Before

[16:03] exclamation point is pulling me in because you'll notice a fish called one of the tagline is a new comedy about sex murder and

[16:08] Seafood with a period at the end that period seems a little passive-aggressive to me. I don't like that

[16:13] Now we also as you mentioned there's a ton of text here

[16:17] it says high above the city of LA a team of terrorists have seized a building taken hostages and

[16:24] Declared war not accurate, but that's fine

[16:27] One man has managed to escape dot dot dot an off-duty cop hiding somewhere inside

[16:34] He's alone tired dot dot dot and the only chance anyone has got

[16:40] I'm glad that's to only chance anyone has got I don't know about that phrasing

[16:46] I I mean, I just maybe a second pass. I'm

[16:51] Notes for this movie poster from 40 years ago. I also have notes about

[16:56] Clearly wasn't a success a new comedy about sex murder and seafood period. I've got some notes on that

[17:01] There's no need for a period. This is not a full sentence

[17:04] It's just a it's a tagline and it's not a sentence

[17:07] And the first letter is capitalized all and you know what there's no Oxford comma and if anything should have an Oxford comma

[17:13] It's I mean, I maybe I guess John Cleese was in the Cambridge foot footlights

[17:17] so he was against the Oxford comma because they were he liked the Cambridge he liked the Cambridge period which you put at the

[17:23] end of

[17:26] Well, you guys have both made let's do it you didn't really make too much of an argument

[17:29] I mean you described the poster in great detail, but you didn't really argue in favor of it

[17:34] So I'm gonna have to give this one to Dan. We're seeing a fish called everybody

[17:38] And we are gonna laugh our way to defeat in the 1988 presidential election

[17:44] So no, it's too bad. How did I did fish called one and I got got some Oscar noms, right Mondale

[17:50] That was 88 was Monday. Well, no, no 84 was Monday. Oh 88 was Dukakis first, okay

[17:56] Yeah, and I there was a well he Kevin Klein won the Oscar for a fish called one best supporting best supporting fish

[18:04] Yeah, and he was up against Alan Rickman right from diehard

[18:08] We can only assume yeah, we can only assume. All right guys now, we've got six more scenarios

[18:13] So I guess I got to speed things up. This is our second scenario. The date is December 13th

[18:19] 1985 only two days earlier a bomb sent by a mysterious figure who is starting to be known as the Unabomber

[18:25] Took the life of an innocent victim

[18:27] We are three

[18:28] investigators on the case who have already run out of leads and have decided to see a movie in the hopes that it inspires

[18:34] Alfred Hitchcock's three investigators. We are not we are real police detectives are involved in a real case and I am and if anything

[18:45] Pete and Pete Crenshaw and whoever the third one was I've never been familiar with these characters

[18:52] But okay, so we need some new leads on the case

[18:56] So do we go to which movie are we going to see jewel of the Nile or a chorus line the movie?

[19:03] Both came out the same weekend December 13th 1985

[19:07] So wait, hold on. So Stuart gets to choose which he is going to he's gonna he's gonna champion

[19:12] Is it gonna be the Nile or a chorus line the movie?

[19:15] I understand that Stuart he gets the choice, but I just want to clarify. Yeah, so part of our

[19:20] part of our desire is to

[19:23] Perhaps pick up some clues about the Bob

[19:27] Not necessarily clues but just open up new new angles of thinking in our minds

[19:32] So we're doing we're getting like this is kind of an agent Dale Cooper style of you know, doing law enforcement where yeah

[19:38] Just bring your mind helps you. Okay. Yeah, exactly free your mind and the rest will follow the rest being clues

[19:45] I'm going to select a chorus line the movie

[19:49] All right, and you'll be you'll be a champion the jewel of the Nile. So Stuart you started us off

[19:55] What what do you what? Why are we seeing a chorus line the movie and again, you only know what you've seen

[20:00] from the poster or what a person could reasonably understand.

[20:02] If you can know that this is based on a Broadway musical.

[20:05] So let's describe this poster.

[20:08] It's a giant white background and we have a bunch of dancers in gold outfits really

[20:14] having the time of their lives.

[20:16] It's amazing.

[20:17] They're loving it.

[20:18] And above it, it reads a chorus line and the title is inside the O of the movie, which

[20:26] is way bigger than the actual title of the film.

[20:29] Yeah.

[20:30] So it looks a little bit like a chorus line is on the bass drum of a drum set being played

[20:35] by the words the movie and also made up of the words movie.

[20:38] It does look like the title is the movie, a chorus line, which is weird.

[20:41] Yes.

[20:42] If somebody was throwing together a poster for an event at like one of my bars and they

[20:47] use this kind of placement of letters, I would tell them to try again.

[20:55] Now remember, you are arguing in favor of this movie.

[20:58] That said, the chaos of both the placement of dancers and the lettering scheme makes

[21:04] me think that this would be a great chance for us to see the organized chaos of a filmed

[21:12] Broadway production.

[21:13] And maybe that will help us solve the crime that we are trying to put the pieces together.

[21:18] OK, interesting.

[21:19] It definitely looks like we're going to see something that will shake us up.

[21:22] Yeah, exactly.

[21:23] Yeah.

[21:24] So Dan, the Jewel of the Nile.

[21:25] Let's take a look at this, Dan.

[21:27] This could also shake us up.

[21:28] Tell us about the poster and also what does your investigator in 1985, what does he know

[21:33] about the Jewel of the Nile's backstory?

[21:35] Here we go.

[21:36] So.

[21:37] Better than the first one.

[21:38] We got our three stars.

[21:40] They're name by name on the poster and we see them.

[21:42] Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner and Danny DeVito, our friends from Romancing the Stone.

[21:48] And Danny DeVito.

[21:49] Danny DeVito is in Romancing the Stone.

[21:50] He is?

[21:51] Yeah.

[21:52] Yeah.

[21:54] He's the same character.

[21:55] He's like a comic villain.

[21:56] Yeah.

[21:57] I totally forgot he was in it.

[21:58] He's like the guy chasing them around.

[21:59] Oh, wow.

[22:00] I forgot about that.

[22:01] Watch it again.

[22:02] It's good.

[22:03] Yeah.

[22:04] So Kathleen Turner is swinging on a rope.

[22:05] You know what?

[22:06] You know why I didn't think Danny DeVito was in it?

[22:07] I was thinking of the movie Twins, which does not have Danny DeVito in it.

[22:11] Oh, man.

[22:12] I hate to break it to you, buddy.

[22:13] Oh, no.

[22:14] You're right.

[22:15] I was thinking of the movie Renaissance Man.

[22:16] But Jackie Chan's in that one.

[22:17] Which does not have Danny DeVito in it.

[22:18] Yeah.

[22:19] Yeah.

[22:20] Jackie.

[22:21] But Jackie Chan's not.

[22:23] I see Danny DeVito and Jackie Chan as the same people, but flipped.

[22:27] Anyway.

[22:28] You know who does flips?

[22:29] Jackie Chan.

[22:30] Danny DeVito, you mean?

[22:31] In Drunken Master?

[22:32] Have you seen Danny DeVito in Drunken Master?

[22:33] Oh, no.

[22:34] Amazing.

[22:35] What a super cop.

[22:36] Let me describe this book.

[22:37] So we got Kathleen Turner swinging in through sort of a Middle Eastern looking opening of

[22:38] some kind with like columns and such.

[22:40] And she's wearing, you know, a nice dress, showing off her gams.

[22:59] We've got Michael Douglas' collection.

[23:01] You got you should mention she does not have shoes on.

[23:04] Swinging in, I guess, like clutching the hearse, her stomach.

[23:09] I think it's the same rope.

[23:10] I think they're on the same.

[23:11] Yeah, it's hard.

[23:12] He does have shoes on.

[23:13] He is wearing shoes.

[23:14] Well, he's got sneakers on over here, along with a white suit that looks very much like

[23:19] the one he danced in in Romance of the Stone.

[23:22] And he was he showed up.

[23:23] He showed up at a costume party dressed as Tom Wolfe in sneakers.

[23:27] Yeah.

[23:28] And and not Tom Wolfe in the movie sneakers.

[23:31] Tom Wolfe was in sneaker.

[23:34] No, no, he doesn't.

[23:35] But he's wearing sneakers because Tom Wolfe, the author, did not usually wear sneakers

[23:38] as far as I could tell.

[23:39] And, you know, and he is sorry, let me just he is clutching Danny DeVito like a piece

[23:45] of luggage.

[23:46] Yeah.

[23:47] He was looking up at them like, oh, and he's wearing like a turban.

[23:51] And there's a bunch of, you know, people and camels and stuff in the back.

[23:54] So Michael Douglas is either pulling Danny DeVito by the back of his pants or his hand

[23:57] is just shoved into Danny DeVito's butt and is using that as a handle.

[24:02] And the tagline says they're back again, romancing in italics.

[24:06] So you know that that's important.

[24:08] A brand new stone also in italics.

[24:11] Remember, romancing the stone.

[24:12] And that's what I would ask you guys to do if we're, you know, we got to go see a movie

[24:16] that's going to really just reset our brains.

[24:19] We've been heard about this case has gotten too uptight.

[24:23] We just got to go and have a shot of pure joy.

[24:27] And I can only assume that a sequel to such a great film as romancing the stone would

[24:34] be just as good and enjoyable and not at all.

[24:38] Just like a weird cash in that seems like it was maybe written as it was being made

[24:44] and not with a good idea.

[24:46] Like we got to go see something fun like romancing the stone jewel of the Nile.

[24:51] That's what I say.

[24:52] All right.

[24:53] Strong pitch.

[24:54] I'm going to.

[24:55] That's a solid pitch.

[24:56] You're putting your you're really throwing us back to our knowledge of the original.

[25:00] And Stuart, on the other hand, a chorus line, you gave a good, more kind of thematic kind

[25:04] of contextual site, you know, psychic energy way of looking at it.

[25:10] You know what?

[25:11] I think we've been on this case.

[25:13] We need we need to just we need to see something that takes our minds off of it.

[25:16] So, yeah, let's go see Jewel of the Nile.

[25:18] Dan, if this isn't the funniest movie I ever I've ever seen, I'm gonna be so mad at you.

[25:22] But I know it's going to be hilarious.

[25:23] I guarantee it.

[25:24] It's going to be great.

[25:27] All right.

[25:28] So let's go to the third scenario.

[25:29] And Dan has already taken an early lead.

[25:31] This is quite amazing.

[25:33] Usually in these games, I rig them so that Dan doesn't do as well.

[25:37] This time, somehow, we want to be already ahead.

[25:43] So now we go to our third scenario.

[25:46] OK, the date is let's say, you know what, guys, we're going to still going to be three

[25:49] professionals, but we're no longer in the criminal industry.

[25:52] The date is March 29th, 1985.

[25:54] It's still it's 1985 again, but earlier in the year, we are three stadium audiovisual

[25:59] consultants who have just returned from the opening week of Expo 85, the World's Fair

[26:03] held in Tsukuba, Japan, where we've caught our first sight of Sony's new Jumbotron TV

[26:09] screen.

[26:10] We know this could potentially revolutionize the industry.

[26:14] Stewart has an idea for something he calls a kiss cam.

[26:17] And Dan has an idea for something he calls a wife's butt cam.

[26:20] Who knows which one will become a standby of sports stadiums in the future?

[26:24] Curious to see how traditional movie projection compares with the video wall technology of

[26:28] the Jumbotron.

[26:29] We head straight to the local movie theater intending to catch the re-release of Return

[26:33] of the Jedi.

[26:34] They re-released it two years later after its release.

[26:37] But bad news, it is sold out.

[26:40] Our only choices at this three screen pre-multiplex theater.

[26:44] Well, guys, here are your options.

[26:47] Are we going to see either the Care Bears movie or Police Academy 2, their first assignment?

[26:53] Oh, man, double feets.

[26:57] So Dan, you get to choose first.

[26:58] Are you going to be championing the Care Bears movie or Police Academy 2, their first assignment?

[27:03] So wait, we're setting up a sound system and no, not that note, not sound system, sir.

[27:08] Not sounds that we we are thinking about.

[27:10] There is an audio component, but we have just seen the Jumbotron.

[27:14] This is going to change the way we project video in large spaces.

[27:18] And so we got to we want to see, well, maybe a movie projector is the better way to go.

[27:22] The Jumbotron is untested technology.

[27:23] It's basically just a big TV.

[27:25] So which would show off the the the sights and sounds we want to best test, the Care

[27:30] Bears movie or Police Academy 2, their first assignment?

[27:33] And Dan, you know what, I'm going to zag and choose the Care Bears movie in this case.

[27:38] OK.

[27:39] And so, Stuart, you will be you will you will be championing Police Academy 2, two movies

[27:43] that were released on March 29th, 1985 together.

[27:46] I'll mention, Dan, you've got a little bit of a leg up, if only because this Care Bears

[27:51] movie poster we're looking at did hang in the basement playroom of my house growing

[27:55] up.

[27:56] And so I remember almost nothing about the movie, but I remember this poster well because

[28:01] it was in my house.

[28:02] So you've got a nostalgia factor right there.

[28:04] And again, though, my character, the guy who installs projection technology in stadiums

[28:09] has not seen this movie, did not have it growing up in his house.

[28:12] You know, he's a grown adult in 1985.

[28:15] That's where they introduced the non-bear Care Bears, right?

[28:19] Yes.

[28:20] As you can see in the on the poster, it says introducing the Care Bear cousins because

[28:23] they felt limited by the idea of bears.

[28:26] And they're really asking, what is a bear?

[28:28] Could a bear be any animal?

[28:29] Because inside all of us are two bears, say, say like Bernard's.

[28:35] Inside each of us are two bears, only one of which cares.

[28:40] OK, well, let me I want to, first off, again, sort of describe this poster quickly.

[28:45] Yeah.

[28:46] A bunch of the Care Bears and I guess the Care Bear cousins, I'm assuming, are the things

[28:52] that aren't bears.

[28:53] We can only assume.

[28:54] We haven't seen the movie.

[28:55] Wow.

[28:56] That's my guess.

[28:57] I didn't realize we entered Sherlock's mind palace because we got a bunny on there and

[29:04] a little elephant.

[29:05] Timothy Elephant.

[29:06] So they're.

[29:07] How amazing would it be if that character's name was Timothy Elephant?

[29:15] They're riding a big sailboat across the sea, it looks like.

[29:20] And there's an evil looking like raven, maybe flying behind.

[29:24] And beneath, there's what I can only assume are, you know, the souls of the damned.

[29:32] And there's a book with a sort of an evil looking lady who kind of looks like the the

[29:38] magic mirror from Snow White.

[29:40] Yes.

[29:41] A kind of a bald green lady with vampire teeth.

[29:43] Just the head.

[29:44] Yeah.

[29:45] Mm hmm.

[29:46] And so I'm going to argue that, you know, mentioning it and an image of them being terrorized

[29:50] by a giant tree with a face and.

[29:53] Oh, yeah.

[29:54] Yeah.

[29:55] And the tagline is what happens when the world stops caring?

[29:58] And that's, you know.

[30:00] That's really key because Stuart wants this kiss cam idea to get off.

[30:07] I am trying to increase the awareness of butts out there.

[30:13] Yeah, awareness is the right word.

[30:15] People are not aware of butts right now.

[30:17] These are both, I think, at heart problems of caring.

[30:21] Do we care enough to kiss one another or to admire a butt?

[30:25] Also, look at all those vivid, vibrant colors.

[30:33] Do you think there's going to be anything like that in Police Academy 2, the first assignment?

[30:37] With the Jumbotron, we've got to focus on what's colorful, what reads from a distance,

[30:42] like a nice cartoon character.

[30:44] Look, it might not be to my taste to watch a bunch of

[30:47] bears running around shooting rainbows out of their stomachs,

[30:52] but this is what we've got to do for a job.

[30:55] Dan, I'm surprised you didn't mention the star power involved in this movie.

[30:57] As you can see clearly from the poster down, it says,

[31:00] With Mickey Rooney as the voice of Mr. Cherrywood.

[31:02] Oh, wow.

[31:03] Of course, that indelible character.

[31:05] Songs by Carole King.

[31:06] Well, title song by Carole King.

[31:08] Oh, just the title song.

[31:09] Other songs by John Sebastian.

[31:11] Okay.

[31:11] And I've got to know what these Care Bear cousins are all about.

[31:14] I've just got to know.

[31:14] Yeah.

[31:16] Okay, so Stuart, a strong argument for the Care Bears movie.

[31:20] Stu, what about Police Academy 2, their first assignment?

[31:23] I know I'm already wondering.

[31:24] I'm like, Police Academy 2, their first assignment?

[31:26] But this is the second Police Academy movie.

[31:28] Stuart, sell this movie to me.

[31:30] That's the thing.

[31:31] So you can only assume that having attended the Police Academy,

[31:35] it's time for them to go out into the mean streets.

[31:37] And the poster indicates this.

[31:39] We have a jumble of bodies.

[31:41] They are smashed on top of each other.

[31:43] They are some kind of crazy amalgam of man, limb, faces.

[31:47] It sounds like you're describing Guernica by Pablo Picasso.

[31:50] The end of society.

[31:51] It looks like what happens when you throw that dust, the dust of Ibn Ghazi,

[31:56] Wilbur Whateley's brother.

[31:58] Thanks for putting that in layman's terms.

[32:00] I appreciate that you really cleared it up.

[32:03] That's what happens.

[32:05] It looks like the Dunwich Horror is what I'm trying to say.

[32:08] So right up at the top, we have text, a bunch of text.

[32:12] And it says, watch out, which I think you guys should really understand.

[32:16] We should watch out and see this movie.

[32:19] Now, there's a bunch of text underneath that.

[32:22] I can't read it.

[32:23] Maybe my eyes are going.

[32:27] They've got to clean up the worst crime district in the world.

[32:29] But that's no problem.

[32:30] They're the worst police force in the universe.

[32:33] And universe is capitalized, just the U.

[32:35] Interesting.

[32:36] They're referring to it by name.

[32:37] Is the universe going to show up in the movie?

[32:38] Maybe.

[32:39] So we see all of our friends from the first Police Academy.

[32:43] There's also a pair of eyes peering out of a manhole.

[32:46] Don't even know what that means.

[32:48] And there's a word balloon coming out of the manhole.

[32:49] That says, and hey, be careful out there.

[32:52] It may be got to be.

[32:53] There's eyes.

[32:55] There's eyes all over.

[32:56] There's eyes looking out of a mailbox.

[32:57] Eyes looking out of doorways.

[32:58] There's eyes everywhere.

[32:59] But Dan, you were saying there's got to be what?

[33:00] I mean, this has got to be some sort of late addition to this poster.

[33:06] These eyes look so tacked on.

[33:08] And the word balloon, definitely.

[33:10] It's a blue word balloon with just typewriter letters.

[33:17] It reminds me so much.

[33:18] I've talked about this on the Flop ads for my favorite print ads of all time.

[33:22] The ad for, was it bringing down the house with Queen Latifah?

[33:25] Where this was late into its run.

[33:28] And Eugene Levy's line, you got me straight tripping boo, was the hit of America.

[33:32] And so they had taken the normal print ad for this movie.

[33:35] And they put a word balloon over Eugene Levy's head that said,

[33:38] you got me straight tripping boo.

[33:39] Just to be like, this is the movie where he says it.

[33:42] Everybody do not get mixed up.

[33:43] If you want to hear him say that, you've got to see this movie.

[33:46] This is the one.

[33:47] It really feels like this has to have been added though.

[33:50] Like they're like, oh, there's a bunch of cops on here.

[33:52] Do people, are people gonna know this is a comedy?

[33:54] Stick some eyes in a word balloon.

[33:56] Real quick, real quick.

[33:56] If anyone who's listening owns the original painting of this poster,

[34:02] let us know if these were added afterwards.

[34:04] It looks, do you guys think this is a Drew Struzan?

[34:06] It might be, or it might just be a Struzan style.

[34:08] Yeah, yeah, that's what it looks like.

[34:09] So already, I mean, this looks amazing.

[34:13] Struzesque.

[34:14] And I don't think any other movie can promise the jumble of characters, limbs,

[34:23] and will really test the limits of the big screen experience.

[34:25] Look at the number of guns sticking out of that.

[34:27] They're all holding guns and the guns are huge.

[34:30] Yeah, it really speaks to our overfunded police.

[34:33] How many guns are on this police academy?

[34:35] Luckily, after this movie was released, they changed things

[34:38] and they took all their money away.

[34:40] Okay.

[34:41] Now, here's something, here's a detail you guys might not have noticed,

[34:43] is that I think it's to show that they are dumb and they're not following the rules.

[34:47] There are enormous arrows on the street that are pointing in the opposite direction

[34:52] of the way that the characters are walking.

[34:54] And it's like, what street looks like that?

[34:57] What street has huge arrows pointed on it?

[34:59] Warning arrows.

[35:01] Sorry, neighborhood too dangerous.

[35:03] Follow arrows to leave.

[35:05] There's no curb.

[35:06] There's no end to the street.

[35:08] They're just going right down the block all the way.

[35:09] Just exit this way arrows.

[35:12] Yeah.

[35:13] It's weird.

[35:15] It is a Drew Strusen poster because I see a signature on it.

[35:18] This poster has layers.

[35:19] We've got Strusen.

[35:20] Hit the button.

[35:25] That goes to such a song.

[35:28] The real bad local ghost.

[35:30] Cleaning up the town.

[35:32] Drew Strusen.

[35:33] No, man.

[35:34] The whole gang's there.

[35:35] I can't believe I even have to make this argument.

[35:38] You look at this poster.

[35:39] You got to see this movie.

[35:40] So I've got to figure out what happened.

[35:41] So far, I'm going to say.

[35:42] I'm not really sold on either of these movies right now.

[35:45] So I'm going to give you guys each a lightning round.

[35:47] OK, you've each got.

[35:49] I'm going to set a timer for this.

[35:50] Dan, you've got 10 seconds to tell me why we should go see the Care Bearers movie.

[35:57] Stuart, I'm going to give you 15 seconds just because, again,

[35:59] you haven't given me an argument so much as you've described the poster.

[36:03] So, Dan, and go 10 seconds.

[36:05] There's a heart in the middle of their chest, which is like the heart that

[36:10] Stuart is proposing for the Kiss Cam.

[36:13] We see that heart.

[36:14] We kiss.

[36:14] Time's up.

[36:15] OK, Stuart, you've got 15 seconds and go.

[36:20] If we want to test the limits of film and screens, we got to pack it with as many

[36:25] hilarious cops as possible.

[36:27] That's the Police Academy 2 promises.

[36:30] You still got one more second.

[36:33] OK, you know what?

[36:35] I'm going to go with Stuart.

[36:36] You made the point when we do these stadium screens,

[36:39] we're going to need to fit a lot of people on there.

[36:41] So we're going to have to see how they fit all these people onto this screen.

[36:44] For Police Academy 2, we're seeing Police Academy 2, their first assignment, everybody.

[36:48] Do you think that was the note to Drew Strewson was like,

[36:53] hey, so you got to put all these characters in there?

[36:56] Probably.

[36:57] That probably was the case.

[36:59] Fit them all in there.

[37:00] And he goes, not a problem.

[37:01] And I have to assume they hired Jack Davis.

[37:04] They hired Jack Davis.

[37:06] And Jack Davis, he's like too many characters.

[37:08] Oh, and his drawing hand snapped right off.

[37:11] It exploded.

[37:12] Yeah, yeah.

[37:13] Starts smoking and bursted.

[37:16] Yeah.

[37:16] Oh, poor Jack Davis.

[37:17] That's what happened to him.

[37:18] Anyway, guys, we've got one more movie match up before we go to our break,

[37:24] where we talk about our sponsors.

[37:26] So let's just see it here.

[37:27] OK, what's the date?

[37:28] Let's talk about it.

[37:29] The date is July 23rd, 1982.

[37:32] And the three of us are freshmen at the University of Hartford, Connecticut,

[37:36] majoring in commercial whaling.

[37:38] Until we learned that earlier that day, the International Whaling Commission

[37:42] has declared an end to commercial whaling by 1986,

[37:45] right when we're scheduled to graduate.

[37:47] Our futures are in flux, our careers down the toilet.

[37:51] So we decided to take our minds off the uncertainty of life

[37:54] by taking in one of the new comedies on the marquee at the theater

[37:57] that come out this weekend.

[37:59] The marquee displays a battle of the network stars of a sort.

[38:02] So do we see Zapped starring Joanie Loves Chachi star Scott Baio

[38:08] or The World According to GARP starring Mork himself,

[38:11] Robin Williams as the hilariously named GARP?

[38:14] Is he an alien?

[38:15] We don't know.

[38:16] With a name like GARP, it's got to be good.

[38:18] So guys, so Stuart, you get to choose first.

[38:21] Are you going to be championing Zapped or The World According to GARP?

[38:25] OK, so I mean.

[38:27] And I should mention, whoever wins, we lose.

[38:29] So Stuart.

[38:31] This one feels really easy.

[38:33] I think I'm going to go with the one that promises some sexy laughs.

[38:37] So of course, I'm picking The World According to GARP.

[38:41] And Dan, how about you?

[38:43] So you have Zapped.

[38:44] I guess I'm promoting Zapped.

[38:46] So Stu, why don't we talk about The World According to GARP?

[38:49] What is it that should make us see this movie again?

[38:51] We're going right off the poster, which doesn't tell us much.

[38:53] It tells us two words that are important.

[38:59] John Lithgow.

[39:01] That's all I need to say.

[39:02] John Lithgow is in this movie, people.

[39:04] Later on, we will know him as an alien who's traveled to Earth.

[39:08] But that's not fair.

[39:09] That's not pertinent to this conversation because we don't know that yet.

[39:12] No, we don't.

[39:12] But someday our kids will know it and we're going to think it's cool.

[39:16] So John Lithgow rules.

[39:17] And if you have an opportunity to see him in a movie on the big screen,

[39:21] you got to take that shit.

[39:22] Because after a while, he's only in TV shows.

[39:24] And that's not cool.

[39:25] You know, again, this is 1982.

[39:27] So we're not.

[39:28] We don't know any of that.

[39:29] Don't know anything about the future.

[39:30] We know that Rob Williams is a big TV star.

[39:32] And just to read the text.

[39:35] Yeah, yeah.

[39:36] I just like sure you absolutely have to describe

[39:39] the world's most boring poster for the audience right now.

[39:42] OK, so the title, it very much looks like a guy looking at a restaurant marquee.

[39:49] It says it says the world according to and then in much larger, more fanciful letters.

[40:00] Yeah, it's Garp.

[40:01] Just a huge, italic Garp.

[40:03] And then we have a two-tone rendition of Robin Williams,

[40:09] who is staring up at this loving font, at this title.

[40:14] He's amazed at it.

[40:15] He can't get enough of this name.

[40:16] Garp, that's a name?

[40:19] And then the text reads, Robin Williams is Garp,

[40:23] the most human being you'll ever meet.

[40:27] And right there-

[40:28] So even the tagline tells you nothing

[40:29] about what's happening in this movie.

[40:30] It's also placed in a weird place.

[40:33] There's a ton of negative space on this poster.

[40:36] So just like, it really breathes.

[40:38] Like, there's a ton of space here

[40:40] for you to fill with imagining John Lithgow

[40:43] running across the screen.

[40:45] Yeah, this looks like, kind of like, I don't know,

[40:47] a really early e-vite or something.

[40:50] Yes.

[40:52] Yeah, they're e-viting you to the movie,

[40:54] The World According to Garp.

[40:56] It does look like someone was challenged

[40:58] to make a poster with as little poster in it as they could.

[41:01] Like, they brought in some kind of haiku master

[41:04] to just boil it down to the essence of a poster.

[41:06] So-

[41:07] Yeah, it looks great.

[41:08] It promises that it is based on a novel by John Irving,

[41:11] but you'll have to watch the movie to see if that's true.

[41:15] So interesting.

[41:16] So you're saying posters can't be trusted all the time.

[41:18] Not always.

[41:18] Sometimes a poster's trying to trick you.

[41:20] Uh-huh.

[41:21] I feel like quite often,

[41:22] horror movies trick me into thinking

[41:23] people are in the movie that are not in the movie.

[41:26] That's fair.

[41:27] So you're saying when the credit comes up on screen

[41:28] based on the novel by John Irving,

[41:29] then a huge not might come up right afterwards?

[41:32] Quite possibly.

[41:34] Okay, so that's The World According,

[41:37] there's not much more to say about it other than,

[41:38] Stuart, again, you only described the poster,

[41:41] you haven't given me much of an argument other than that.

[41:43] Well, I have repeatedly-

[41:45] And then John Lithgow being in it.

[41:47] Again, it's John Lithgow.

[41:49] I know this is a losing battle, but-

[41:50] So you're saying we should John Lithgow

[41:52] see The World According to Garp?

[41:54] Yes.

[41:55] Dan, don't help your opponent,

[41:56] because Dan, it's your turn.

[41:57] Why should we not see The World According to Garp?

[41:59] Wait, am I pronouncing his name wrong?

[42:02] Yeah, I've seen him say before a couple of times

[42:05] that it's John Lithgow, and everyone says Lithgow,

[42:08] so I don't think-

[42:09] Tell him to come on the podcast, we'll talk it out.

[42:11] Yeah, we'll figure it out.

[42:12] Also, I should mention,

[42:12] we were pronouncing the title wrong.

[42:13] It's actually called The World According to Garp.

[42:15] Oh, that makes sense.

[42:18] That's why he's laughing.

[42:20] Yeah, he's like, that's a silly name for me to have.

[42:24] Can you believe it?

[42:25] I mean, this poster really is selling a lot

[42:29] on just the idea that a man could be named Garp.

[42:34] Like, what?

[42:35] It feels like in the old days when they'd be like,

[42:38] we made the poster already, now you have to make the movie.

[42:40] It has to have a snake, a dungeon, and a busty lady in it.

[42:43] And it's like, we made the poster.

[42:45] We know Robin Williams needs to be in the movie,

[42:46] and he has to be called Garp.

[42:48] Otherwise, we don't know anything about it.

[42:49] John Irving, write a novel that'll fit this poster.

[42:52] Okay, well, he's called Garp, right?

[42:54] Yeah, and the world is according to him.

[42:56] Okay, so what does that mean?

[42:58] You figure it out.

[42:59] You're the author of the Cider House rules.

[43:01] Get out of here, do your work, and so forth.

[43:05] And then John Irving goes, I'll have to say a prayer.

[43:08] Owen Meany, please, help me, please.

[43:10] I need your help.

[43:12] You mean Simon Birch?

[43:15] No, why did they call that movie Simon Birch?

[43:17] Dan, you have to tell me.

[43:18] Why'd they call that movie Simon Birch?

[43:19] I don't know.

[43:20] That's another character in A Prayer for Owen Meany, right?

[43:25] That's the main character's actual name.

[43:26] I believe, I mean, it would be weird for them

[43:27] to name the movie after a character

[43:29] from a different story.

[43:29] It is, it is odd.

[43:31] We made this movie A Prayer for Owen Meany.

[43:33] Let's call it Paul Bunyan and Babe is Blue Ox.

[43:35] Does it, is that helpful?

[43:37] I'll be honest.

[43:38] Neither the title A Prayer for Owen Meany,

[43:40] nor the title Simon Birch is gonna get me

[43:42] running to the theater.

[43:43] But of the two of them, Simon Birch is so much more boring.

[43:47] It tells you nothing.

[43:50] Anyway.

[43:51] Like a certain movie about a warlord of Mars,

[43:53] in which they decided to take that part out of the title.

[43:55] The cool part.

[43:56] The cool part.

[43:57] It just named his name.

[43:57] A guy named John Carter?

[43:58] I gotta see this.

[44:00] Wait, you mean Jimmy Carter?

[44:02] I'm confused.

[44:03] I gotta have my questions answered in the movie theater.

[44:06] Take me to the multiplex.

[44:08] And yeah, Jimmy Carter was walking by the theater.

[44:10] He went, that's not my name.

[44:12] Let me go, let me see.

[44:17] That fellow looks like me with a soul armor.

[44:20] Former President Carter.

[44:22] Okay, let me talk a little bit about that.

[44:24] Wait, he's sitting there in the movie,

[44:24] and he's like, well, I've never been on Mars.

[44:26] This is some other guy.

[44:27] I'm sorry.

[44:28] Hold on.

[44:29] This is my mistake.

[44:30] I apologize, sir.

[44:31] I only like movies that speak directly to my own experience.

[44:36] So, okay.

[44:39] The scenario is we're depressed

[44:40] that we can no longer be wailers.

[44:43] Wait, and then Jimmy Carter walks outside

[44:45] and he sees an ad for Planters Peanuts with Mr. Peanut,

[44:47] and he goes, they've learned how to wear clothes and hats.

[44:50] Yeah, yeah.

[44:51] Soon, they'll be coming after me for all my crimes.

[44:54] I've killed so many of them.

[44:55] Oh, I'm a, I'm a, I've committed peanut genocide.

[45:00] He sees a poster for the movie, The House that Jack Built,

[45:02] and he's like, but my name's Jimmy.

[45:05] I do build houses.

[45:07] Yeah.

[45:08] Lars Von Trier, okay.

[45:11] So, wait, hold on.

[45:12] We're sad that we can no longer be wailers.

[45:14] Lars Von Trier.

[45:15] Looking at my Latin, that means Lars Von Three-ar.

[45:20] Okay.

[45:22] So, we're sad that we can't be wailers.

[45:24] We want to get cheered up.

[45:26] We're going to go see a comedy.

[45:27] The World According to Garp,

[45:28] it's not giving us much to go off of,

[45:29] except for John Lithgow,

[45:31] a man whose name we're probably mispronouncing.

[45:32] Yeah, well, that's what I wanted to.

[45:33] So, tell me about this poster for Zapped,

[45:35] and then tell me why we should go see it.

[45:36] That's why I wanted to sell Zapped.

[45:38] So, there's these, there's these two gentlemen.

[45:42] Leering.

[45:42] That's a stretch.

[45:43] Yeah, I would call, I guess,

[45:45] what they're doing is not very gentlemanly.

[45:47] Now, if ever I've seen two guys

[45:49] who could be described as blokes,

[45:50] or lads, this seems like it, yeah.

[45:53] Well, these two lads are Scott Baio and Willie Ames,

[45:56] as the top of the poster says.

[45:58] And they are poking their heads through a window

[46:01] of a classroom and leering.

[46:03] And, you know, Scott Baio seems to be using

[46:07] some sort of hand power to lift the skirt of a woman.

[46:12] We don't see her face because that would humanize her.

[46:15] We should mention here,

[46:16] there's little lightning bolts coming out

[46:18] that represent telekinesis.

[46:19] Because all of us can use hand power to lift a skirt.

[46:22] One, we choose not to because it's assault.

[46:24] And two, it's just grabbing the skirt and pulling it up.

[46:27] But he's doing it with his mind rather than his hands.

[46:29] Well, we don't know that.

[46:30] We don't know that, Elliot.

[46:31] I'm just going, this is why I was careful

[46:33] about the way I was saying it.

[46:35] Okay, so you're saying it's possible he might,

[46:36] this is the split second after he flips

[46:38] the skirt up with his hands.

[46:40] There's something going on with his hand

[46:42] that is causing the skirt to go up.

[46:44] And again, as I was saying, the skirt of this woman,

[46:47] we don't see her face that would humanize her as a person.

[46:50] We see her luscious gams and high heels and hose.

[46:56] And it says zapped, exclamation point,

[46:59] the comedy that won't let you down.

[47:01] And the tagline is,

[47:03] they're getting a little behind in their classwork,

[47:05] which is a saucy double entendre.

[47:08] Yeah, and now I don't know if you've noticed,

[47:10] I don't know if you've noticed the portrait

[47:11] of George Washington on the classroom wall,

[47:13] which is also leering at this woman

[47:15] with a big smile on his face.

[47:16] The notoriously pervy and lascivious George Washington.

[47:20] Yeah, well, here's the thing, fellows.

[47:24] Now we gotta remember that this is happening

[47:26] back on the opening weekend.

[47:27] So as a red blooded American,

[47:30] we hold the viewpoint that non-consensual peeping

[47:36] is hilarious and delightful, sexy fun for everyone.

[47:39] That was official American law in 1982, yeah.

[47:43] So that's the first thing I'm gonna, look, look, look,

[47:46] fellows, this is gonna be sexy.

[47:49] So you are going to exploit the fact

[47:51] that our characters in this scenario

[47:52] are on the wrong side of history.

[47:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah, why not?

[47:55] This is a contest, I'm in it to win it.

[47:59] But the most important thing about this

[48:02] is the comedy that won't let you down.

[48:05] This is definitely a comedy and it is telling us

[48:09] it won't let us down.

[48:10] And we've been let down so badly today.

[48:12] We've been let down by the loss of our jobs.

[48:15] Mm-hmm.

[48:16] And Zapped got an exclamation point behind it.

[48:20] That's true, GARP does not.

[48:22] There's no, yeah, we don't know.

[48:24] Once again, we've got two taglines

[48:25] that have periods at the end.

[48:27] One of them is a sentence, Robin Williams is GARP,

[48:30] that has a subject, an object, and a verb.

[48:32] But the most human being you'll ever meet

[48:34] is not a sentence, it's just a description.

[48:36] It's a clause, and it also has a period afterwards.

[48:38] This Cambridge period that we met

[48:41] on the official Wanda poster.

[48:43] Yeah, lastly, the Z is all electrical.

[48:46] Wait a minute, when Zapped also,

[48:49] the comedy that won't let you down has a period after it,

[48:51] and the other tagline, when did they stop putting periods

[48:53] after taglines and movie posters?

[48:55] Guys, I think I'm gonna have to do

[48:57] a doctoral thesis on this.

[48:59] Do you think it has anything to do with texting?

[49:01] Because I used to text with perfect punctuation

[49:06] because I am a writer and a pedant,

[49:09] and that was what I was used to.

[49:11] And a boomer, right?

[49:13] Yeah, I'm a boomer.

[49:15] No, I'm a tail-end exer.

[49:18] Oh, I see.

[49:19] And you are leading-edge millennials.

[49:21] Anyway, yeah, I used to do that,

[49:24] but then I realized that what everyone was saying was right,

[49:26] that when you text with a period,

[49:28] it seems sarcastic or passive-aggressive.

[49:31] Passive-aggressive, so I just started leaving them off.

[49:34] In the 90s, I don't remember movie posters

[49:36] having periods on them after taglines or anything like that.

[49:39] Maybe I'm wrong.

[49:40] Maybe I've washed it out.

[49:41] Maybe it's like the fnords,

[49:43] and I've just been brainwashed into not seeing them.

[49:46] And only when I finally,

[49:47] now that I'm seeing these periods

[49:48] at the end of these taglines,

[49:49] I'm gonna be able to understand the hidden forces at work

[49:52] in our government, in our capitalist marketplace,

[49:55] and in our very souls.

[49:57] I was gonna say that they should sign off.

[50:00] off their taglines like I sign off all my text messages with an XOXO, Gossip Girl.

[50:07] Alright guys, so we've got to keep moving. So I'll say, Dan, you were winning me over.

[50:12] Dan's so good at this game. But then I started thinking about this John Lithgow, and I'm

[50:18] like Stuart seems so impassioned by this. And you know what? My passion for whaling,

[50:23] I need to find a new channel for it. Maybe it's time I should have a passion for John

[50:27] Lithgow. We're seeing the world according to GARP, everybody. We did it. Stuart, you

[50:31] did it. I like that you're taking interest in Stuart. I think the poster is what really

[50:35] did it. I think the poster is the true champion. Yeah, the poster won this one. Okay, everybody.

[50:41] So we're going to take a quick break from the game because we've got some sponsors heading

[50:45] into the halftime. This game is tied two to two. Both Dan and Stuart have convinced me

[50:51] to see two different movies. In this, the 1980s, the greatest of all cinematic decades,

[50:56] I guess. And before we go into the next round, let's talk about our sponsors. Hey, look,

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[52:01] Stuart, I believe you also have a promotional spot.

[52:03] Heck yeah! Wie geht's? Hello Junge, this is Stuart on the Flop House podcast. Wie gefällt

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[52:52] Babbel is super easy to use. It's been very convenient and a good way for me to kind of

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[53:51] And we have a J-J-J-Jumbotron. This is for Mariochi from your loving big sister, Melissa.

[54:03] Go for Homer. Happy somewhere between 33rd and 35th birthday. Mario, the coolest uncle

[54:11] in the world. Thank you for not only introducing me to the peaches, but also making the Flophouse

[54:17] my first live podcast taping almost 10 years ago. Guys, please come back to San Francisco.

[54:26] You're the only one I can share Heathcliff Newsradio, MaxFunStuff and Symphony puns with.

[54:32] I love you tons. That's sweet. That's very sweet. A very, very sweet Jumbotron. If you'd

[54:40] also like to send a message of love or perhaps a message of spite, but hopefully love through

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[54:57] nothing says loving like a message on the Flophouse. Hi, everyone. I'm Laura House.

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[55:38] It's Tiny Victories with Annabelle and Laura, Mondays on Maximum Fun.

[55:42] It's a tiny victory just to make a network promo. Honestly.

[55:49] Are you tired of being picked on for only wanting to talk about your cat at parties?

[55:52] Do you feel as though your friends don't understand the depth of love you have for your kitty

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[56:11] the show where you can't talk about your pets too much. Animal trivia is our love language,

[56:15] and dragons are just as real as dinosaurs. Tune in to Comfort Creatures every Thursday

[56:20] on Maximum Fun. Okay, guys, you ready for round two of Watch Witch, the only game show brought

[56:29] to you by John Montague, the fourth Earl of Sandwich. Yay. Okay, Stuart, I'm so glad you

[56:34] gave us a little taste of Deutsch in your babble spot, because guess what? The date is December

[56:41] 15th, 1989, and we are three citizens of the former German Democratic Republic, more colloquially

[56:48] referred to as East Germany. It's been only a little more than a month since the fall of the

[56:52] Berlin Wall, and we are still drunk on our new freedoms. Nacht der Wende, yeah. Yeah,

[56:56] finally taking the opportunity to travel to the West, which we have fantasized about for so long,

[57:01] eager to learn if it is truly an ally or an opponent. We arrive in the United States of

[57:05] America and decide to sample the free speech expressed through the United States's newly

[57:11] released movies. So as we, I guess we've just checked into our hotel, now we're going to the

[57:16] movies. We have two options. Are we going to see Look Who's Talking To or The Wizard,

[57:21] starring Fred Savage? Now, Stuart- Who gets to pick first? Oh, now Dan gets to pick first,

[57:27] because you picked first last time. So Dan, again, you are a citizen of East Germany.

[57:33] You are now experiencing Western freedom and democracy for the first time.

[57:37] Are you seeing Look Who's Talking- should we see Look Who's Talking To or The Wizard?

[57:42] I'll go with The Wizard. Okay, Stu, you've got an uphill battle. Look Who's Talking To.

[57:49] I will take Look Who's Talking To. I like that you said that as if it was a choice,

[57:53] and not just you being left with the thing that was left. Dan, go first. And will I give extra

[58:01] points for a period-specific accent? Maybe. Which one is it, Kameraden? What are we seeing?

[58:09] I don't think I can do that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not playing your little reindeer games.

[58:17] It's so funny. Rudolph wanted to play the reindeer games, and we wouldn't let him.

[58:21] We want you to play them, and you don't want to. It's like you can't always get what you want,

[58:25] but sometimes Reindeer gets what he needs, you know? Do you need me to read you the text on the

[58:31] poster of The Wizard, Dan? Yeah, I can read it, but it's a little small if you can read it.

[58:36] Okay, so it says, they're on a cross-country adventure to the world's greatest video

[58:40] championship. But for these three, it's more than a game. It's the chance of a lifetime.

[58:46] And there are periods after both of these, but they are full sentences. So let's not take any

[58:49] points off for that. Yeah, and okay, so The Wizard is in sort of this block pixel lettering.

[58:59] It's in green on a pink background, so it really pops. Very detailed description. Very detailed

[59:04] description. It really pops. I'll mention that your experience with video games is non-existent.

[59:10] Yeah, well, so it's got this guy-kid and this lady-kid. What are they called? Boy and a girl

[59:20] holding another kid up who has shades, and he's got his hands up in a triumphant demeanor.

[59:27] Howl of foes. And Fred Savage in bright green across the top. Only star to get that kind of

[59:36] treatment. And you look at the bottom, Bo Bridges and Christian Slater do not get above the title

[59:42] billing. They are only in the credit block at the bottom. And not also the soon-to-be

[59:50] indie star Ginny Lewis, the second lead of the-anyway. No name on the poster. No name at all.

[1:00:00] Things are shooting out of these people, it looks like.

[1:00:03] Like a jet plane, Mario.

[1:00:06] I'm just saying that for the audience.

[1:00:08] I know that, I don't know that that's Mario.

[1:00:09] It's just a-

[1:00:10] So how would you describe it if you were you?

[1:00:13] There's a-

[1:00:14] He looks Italian, right?

[1:00:15] There's a man with a big goofy grin and a mustache

[1:00:21] wearing a bright red hat and overalls shooting out, I guess.

[1:00:26] And we're not used to seeing those things,

[1:00:28] smiles or bright colors, where we're from,

[1:00:30] the Eastern block.

[1:00:31] Yeah, and there are explosions coming out.

[1:00:33] There's a crab, there's a snake, there's a devil guy.

[1:00:39] And that's what I want to get into

[1:00:41] because this poster screams excitement.

[1:00:45] It's bright colors, it's explosions, it's things

[1:00:48] shooting out of the back towards you,

[1:00:51] out wherever you're looking at this poster.

[1:00:53] Sure, three kids on a road.

[1:00:57] That part is less exciting.

[1:01:00] But one of those kids has a skateboard

[1:01:01] and another one is wearing shades.

[1:01:03] So they're pretty cool.

[1:01:06] And I just think that this is like water in a desert for us.

[1:01:12] We've never seen anything like this.

[1:01:14] And I just want to know what is going on.

[1:01:17] And it's about a wizard.

[1:01:20] It's true.

[1:01:23] I'm surprised you didn't pull on the theme

[1:01:25] of people on the road, people traveling,

[1:01:27] facing an uncertain future, as they seem to be.

[1:01:30] Because there's a lot for us to relate to here

[1:01:32] and to be amazed by and in awe of.

[1:01:34] But there's another movie coming out

[1:01:35] on this date of December 15th, 1989.

[1:01:39] That's Luke Who's Talking To.

[1:01:40] Stuart, why should we go see Luke Who's Talking To?

[1:01:42] Tell me about the poster.

[1:01:43] But again, don't get so wrapped up in describing the poster

[1:01:46] that you don't tell us why we should watch the movie also.

[1:01:48] Because I know there's a lot to talk about here.

[1:01:49] Oh, it's cool.

[1:01:50] I feel like you shouldn't restrict my creativity.

[1:01:53] So we have like a white poster

[1:01:58] that fades to a light blue at the top.

[1:02:02] On it, we have two figures

[1:02:03] that are poking their heads over a title.

[1:02:06] These figures, small children.

[1:02:08] One, definitely a baby.

[1:02:10] The other, possibly a baby.

[1:02:12] Wearing headphones and sunglasses

[1:02:15] with colors that match their, a certain gender bias.

[1:02:19] So we have what appears to be a young man

[1:02:22] wearing light blue and a girl baby,

[1:02:26] that's what they call them, wearing pink.

[1:02:28] And they are poking their heads over-

[1:02:29] The Jim Henson's Girl Babies, yeah.

[1:02:31] Poking their heads over a title that says,

[1:02:33] Luke Who's Talking To, spelled T-O-O,

[1:02:36] that has been hastily underlined.

[1:02:39] There's a lot of text on here.

[1:02:41] We have a lot of names.

[1:02:42] John Travolta, Kirstie Alley.

[1:02:45] Obviously, I would know her from Runaway, right?

[1:02:47] Is that true?

[1:02:48] No?

[1:02:49] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:02:50] Of course.

[1:02:51] Worldwide hit.

[1:02:52] Also featuring-

[1:02:53] You'd know John Travolta from the movie Perfect,

[1:02:55] or perhaps, what, Moment to Moment?

[1:02:56] Was that him also?

[1:02:57] Yeah.

[1:02:58] Featuring the voices of Bruce Willis,

[1:03:00] Roseanne Barr, and Damon Wayans.

[1:03:02] And it's coming soon to a theater near you.

[1:03:04] Now the text reads-

[1:03:05] In fact, it's here.

[1:03:07] Mikey's back and about to face his greatest challenge,

[1:03:12] dot, dot, dot, his new baby sister.

[1:03:16] Now, the reason why we should be seeing

[1:03:18] Luke Who's Talking To,

[1:03:19] is we are trying to get a read on this country, on America.

[1:03:24] And I feel like the only way we're going to get that

[1:03:27] is by listening to them talk about stuff.

[1:03:29] And this movie promises that in spades.

[1:03:34] And we're also going to learn a little bit

[1:03:35] about how they raise their children,

[1:03:37] which is really important for us,

[1:03:38] because we need to see what kind of values

[1:03:42] they're instilling into their children.

[1:03:44] And you know what?

[1:03:44] If we laugh along the way, all the better for us.

[1:03:47] You know?

[1:03:48] You could also say, not to step in too much,

[1:03:50] you could also say that these two siblings

[1:03:52] who have to overcome their differences, perhaps,

[1:03:54] and learn to live together,

[1:03:55] like that's us and our fellow Germans, the West Germans,

[1:03:58] who we've been separated from for so long.

[1:04:00] That's very true.

[1:04:01] In a way, we are Mikey, or Mikey's sister,

[1:04:03] who is unnamed on this poster.

[1:04:05] Yeah, yeah.

[1:04:06] Well, perhaps it goes unnamed in the film,

[1:04:08] we'll never know.

[1:04:10] Perhaps they're waiting to-

[1:04:11] We will know, because we're going to see it,

[1:04:12] because it's the better of the two options.

[1:04:14] It's possible they're just waiting to see

[1:04:16] if she survives past a certain age

[1:04:17] before they gift her with a name.

[1:04:19] You know?

[1:04:20] Sure, that makes sense.

[1:04:21] I don't understand their culture yet.

[1:04:22] Yeah, American culture is a mystery to us.

[1:04:23] Well, you've both made some very powerful arguments.

[1:04:26] Stuart, that this is a movie that will teach us

[1:04:28] something very important about this new world

[1:04:31] that we're entering, and this new nation

[1:04:32] we are now having relationships with.

[1:04:34] Dan, that this movie has a bunch of weird shit

[1:04:38] flying at us, and it's, or a shisa, I guess we would say.

[1:04:41] And it's pretty overwhelming.

[1:04:45] I think I'm going to call this one a draw.

[1:04:47] Stuart, you hit me in the heart and the head.

[1:04:50] Dan, you hit me in the funny bone and the excitement bone.

[1:04:54] So I'm going to call this a tie.

[1:04:55] You both win.

[1:04:56] We're seeing a double feature of the wizard,

[1:04:58] and look who's talking too.

[1:05:00] Now, imagine if you are.

[1:05:02] I'm begging for Dan to hit me in the excitement bone,

[1:05:05] and he just won't do it.

[1:05:06] Won't do it.

[1:05:07] And what is, now my question is-

[1:05:09] Not until you subscribe to my OnlyFans.

[1:05:12] And what do you think is the upshot

[1:05:14] of us seeing these two movies?

[1:05:15] Look who's talking too in the wizard.

[1:05:16] What is our response to this?

[1:05:19] I think that we would have all of the bad

[1:05:24] we've been taught about the West reinforced.

[1:05:27] Possibly, yeah.

[1:05:27] And we would return back home.

[1:05:30] We would return back home because they have access

[1:05:31] to something called a power glove.

[1:05:34] We must work on our military now.

[1:05:37] So guys, you did a great job.

[1:05:39] You really surprised me there with that one.

[1:05:41] This next one, so Stuart is going to,

[1:05:43] we only have two scenarios left.

[1:05:44] Stuart, you're going to get to choose which movie,

[1:05:46] and you'll go first with your argument.

[1:05:47] So.

[1:05:48] Great.

[1:05:49] The date is August 1st, 1986,

[1:05:51] and we are a trio of gay nurses attending

[1:05:54] to the last days of notoriously evil

[1:05:56] and notoriously closeted lawyer, Roy Cohn.

[1:05:58] We hate everything Roy Cohn stands for,

[1:06:00] and we're also angry that he's made able

[1:06:02] to use his connections to get a supply

[1:06:03] of the experimental new drug, AZT.

[1:06:05] We're also envious that he's a real historical person,

[1:06:08] and we are merely characters in the play

[1:06:10] Angels in America by Tony Kushner.

[1:06:12] Knowing that Cohn is already being watched over

[1:06:14] by the ghost of Ethel Rosenberg,

[1:06:15] we decide we can leave the hospital briefly

[1:06:17] to take in a movie, since seeing anyone

[1:06:19] on the verge of death, no matter how sinister,

[1:06:21] still arouses a level of empathy

[1:06:22] we are unassure of how to handle and what to do with.

[1:06:25] It is beginning to feel as if all the events around us

[1:06:27] are heading towards some great apotheosis or culmination,

[1:06:30] a sort of perestroika of the soul

[1:06:32] as the millennium approaches.

[1:06:33] So what shall we do as we await this change of eras?

[1:06:37] Shall we see either Howard the Duck

[1:06:41] or Friday the 13th Part VI, Jason Lives?

[1:06:45] So, Stuart, you get to choose first.

[1:06:47] We have been attending to the bedside of a dying villain.

[1:06:52] There's a lot going on in the world.

[1:06:53] Are we seeing Howard the Duck

[1:06:55] or Friday the 13th Part VI, Jason Lives?

[1:06:57] Your choice.

[1:06:58] We are 100% seeing Friday the 13th Part VI, Jason Lives.

[1:07:03] Kill or be killed, why don't we focus

[1:07:04] on the positive, Jason Lives?

[1:07:06] Now, this poster, we have a hockey mask

[1:07:09] silhouetted in the background,

[1:07:10] backlit with like a light pouring through the eyes

[1:07:17] and holes of the mask.

[1:07:19] We appear to be in a og-drenched cemetery

[1:07:23] with iron-wrought bars around the back.

[1:07:27] In the foreground, we have the tombstone

[1:07:31] that just reads, Jason Lives, which-

[1:07:33] A funny thing to write on a tombstone.

[1:07:34] That is a very funny thing.

[1:07:36] They'll do it though.

[1:07:37] They'll do it if you pay them enough.

[1:07:38] If you pay them, they'll do it.

[1:07:39] Yeah, they don't care.

[1:07:40] They've got no ethics.

[1:07:41] Yeah, sure.

[1:07:42] They have to, legally.

[1:07:43] I feel like-

[1:07:44] I'll make you a tombstone that says you're alive,

[1:07:46] but it'll cost you something nice.

[1:07:49] Now, what I love about this poster

[1:07:50] is that it does put into question

[1:07:52] what is the subtitle and what is the tagline.

[1:07:55] Yes, yes.

[1:07:56] Now, if you were to look at this,

[1:07:57] you would assume the tagline is Jason Lives, maybe,

[1:08:01] but the subtitle, wait, the tagline is kill or be killed,

[1:08:04] but the subtitle is Jason Lives.

[1:08:06] And that's what we need to focus on here,

[1:08:08] is that Jason Lives.

[1:08:09] And you know what?

[1:08:10] You can tell kill or be killed is the tagline

[1:08:13] because there's a period after it.

[1:08:14] Kill or be killed, which I can't remember.

[1:08:16] I can't tell if it's a sentence or not, guys.

[1:08:18] Is it?

[1:08:19] It's a command.

[1:08:21] Yeah, no, yeah.

[1:08:22] If it's a command, yeah.

[1:08:24] That's a full sentence.

[1:08:26] So Stuart, tell it to me.

[1:08:28] There's an implied subject.

[1:08:31] Yeah.

[1:08:32] So we are nurses, and while we are overwhelmed

[1:08:35] with the responsibility and the situation we are in,

[1:08:38] I think being surrounded with this fellow named Jason,

[1:08:44] who seems to be alive.

[1:08:48] The title would lead us to believe that, yeah.

[1:08:50] But then the movie also promises

[1:08:52] that there's going to be killing.

[1:08:54] I mean, we are going to learn all

[1:08:55] about the human experience here,

[1:08:58] where we begin, where we end,

[1:09:00] and that there's potentially hope for us after death

[1:09:03] when we see a tagline like Jason Lives

[1:09:06] written on a tombstone.

[1:09:07] So I feel like this would be the best way for us

[1:09:11] to maybe not take our minds off our current task,

[1:09:14] but maybe help us focus

[1:09:15] and really put our task into perspective.

[1:09:18] Wow, that's a strong argument.

[1:09:19] That's a beautiful argument,

[1:09:20] and I want to thank you for that.

[1:09:21] That is the greatest argument anyone has ever made

[1:09:24] for seeing Friday the 13th, part six, Jason Lives.

[1:09:27] Now, Dan, now it's up to you to defeat him.

[1:09:31] Tell us, why should we not see that movie

[1:09:34] and instead see Howard the Duck?

[1:09:36] Well, let me describe what's going on here.

[1:09:39] We have what one would assume is a duck

[1:09:44] based on the title.

[1:09:45] We don't see his full face.

[1:09:48] You know, we don't see a beak.

[1:09:49] Just some clues.

[1:09:50] Covered in white feathers, yeah.

[1:09:52] Yeah, but this is like no duck that I've seen before, Elliot.

[1:09:55] This is a duck that is sitting in a recliner

[1:09:58] and smoking a cigar.

[1:10:00] reading a copy of Rolling Egg in the Rolling Stone font and on that is of

[1:10:05] course Beverly from the film Leah Thompson it says Beverly sizzles so

[1:10:13] she's big news. I like the other article listed is whatever happened to quack

[1:10:18] which doesn't make sense. I don't know what that's supposed to be a joke on. It says yeah

[1:10:23] Howard the Duck and sort of Howard is in sort of Superman-y letters and the duck

[1:10:30] is in wackier letters and it says more adventure than humanly possible and at

[1:10:35] the top it says trapped in a world he never made and which genuinely I like

[1:10:40] that tagline. I was surprised stepping outside of this scenario we're in that

[1:10:48] is from the comic the idea that he's he would say that he's trapped in a world

[1:10:52] he never made so I'm kind of amazed that they had the like the knowledge to be

[1:10:56] like this is a good tagline let's just use it instead of being like he'll

[1:11:00] quack you up you know or something like that yeah you know it's a good tagline

[1:11:03] well I want to speak to that tagline I am a little bit uncomfortable in this

[1:11:07] improv routine taking on the mantle of a group I'm not a part of. Nurses? Which is

[1:11:16] a gay man but I would say I would say that you know this this character played

[1:11:24] by who played him in the was what Jeffrey Wright in the HBO like I think

[1:11:30] that he would be he would find this to speak to him trapped in a world of the

[1:11:34] character this nurse the character from Angels in America. Angels in America yes you

[1:11:39] know. I thought you meant the character of Howard the Duck and I'm like well he's

[1:11:40] played by himself. No no no I mean the idea of being trapped in a world the idea

[1:11:45] of being an outsider in society that okay tagline I think particularly at

[1:11:51] this time would speak to to me in this nurse scenario also Beverly Sizzles I

[1:11:59] like that I like I like I like glam I like high glam of Leah Thompson here we

[1:12:08] got a a duck in this movie I mean I would I would put up lining a film I

[1:12:14] would put Leah Thompson is high glam the images it's clearly a more of a punk you

[1:12:19] know she's not wearing she's not she's not glamorous anyway you know she's got

[1:12:23] very like teased hair like it's a punk glamour I guess but it's not like a diva

[1:12:27] glamour she yeah she well she looks like kind of like Susanna Hoffs is from the

[1:12:33] Bengals okay yeah thing something kind of Joan Jetty about her yes Joan Jetty

[1:12:40] of course is the famous large earthwork artwork where is that where it's a it's

[1:12:46] a stone jetty that looks like Joan Jett yeah and more adventure than humanly

[1:12:51] possible I think that speaks to the sense of striving for something beyond

[1:12:57] that is embodied in Angels in America a yearning for something greater so now

[1:13:05] you're present you know part of your argument is acknowledging that we are

[1:13:08] characters in a play well I mean your your scenario acknowledged it so I felt

[1:13:12] like that was fair game well you know what guys maybe it was just because of

[1:13:16] it felt like a more novel approach it felt like Dan was kind of biting Stuart

[1:13:19] style on this one but I'm gonna give Stuart this one I feel like just cuz he

[1:13:24] went first I don't know first he did it best so I'll be first you'll be worst

[1:13:31] we're seeing Friday 13th part 6 Jason lives and hopefully walking out with a

[1:13:34] new appreciation of life death and everything in between what a what a

[1:13:39] beautiful I can only see what movies as beautiful as the argument that you made

[1:13:42] when we see Jason smack a dude against a tree and in killing him it also leaves a

[1:13:47] smiley face imprinted into the tree it'll really make us think about our

[1:13:51] lives now that yeah let's step outside of the historical context sue I don't

[1:13:55] remember Jason lives that that well what is it what's a good one yeah it's a good

[1:13:58] installment okay it's probably like it's it's one of the sillier ones and that's

[1:14:03] after a part five was the one where there was no Jason at all the one where

[1:14:06] you like the guy like digs him up just like make sure that he's dead yeah he's

[1:14:10] on them and he comes back to life yeah he brings people back to life yeah well

[1:14:15] it's now lightning bolt me yeah lightning hits the P yeah it's very

[1:14:21] silly it's not like the it is one of my favorite Jason resurrection stories

[1:14:25] although my favorite of course is part seven where he is resurrected because

[1:14:29] the telekinetic girl is trying to resurrect her dead father who she

[1:14:33] accidentally drowned and instead resurrects Jason it's a mistake it

[1:14:39] happens people make that mistake all right we're running along in this

[1:14:43] episode so let's just get to this next scenario it's a quick one and this is

[1:14:47] the last one going into it Stuart has a slight lead whoa and Dan you got Dan

[1:14:54] you're in the catford seat you get to choose which movie we're gonna see or

[1:14:57] which movie you get to choose which of the movies are gonna champion yes here

[1:15:00] it is quick easy scenario the date is October 20th 1983 and we are William

[1:15:06] Golding author of Lord of the Flies the inheritors and darkness visible okay

[1:15:11] weeks ago we were shocked by the announcement that we would be receiving

[1:15:14] the Nobel Prize in literature our selection came as quite a surprise a

[1:15:18] positive one at first but less and less so as many commentators noted that it

[1:15:22] most likely shuts out fellow Englishman Graham Greene from ever receiving the

[1:15:26] coveted award since it is unlikely the Nobel Committee will return to the

[1:15:29] British literature well before the 79 year old Greene passes on and of course

[1:15:33] the Nobel Prize can only be given to living winners the author of the end of

[1:15:37] the affair and the quiet American has made it clear that he is quite unhappy

[1:15:40] and word has come to us through intermediaries that Greene is out for

[1:15:43] our blood fleeing of our home fleeing our home we have been spending our days

[1:15:47] in ceaseless motion and our nights in hiding for Graham Greene has spies

[1:15:50] everywhere and word hasn't spread throughout the criminal haunts of London

[1:15:53] but he'll pay a pretty penny for the head of William Golding as the evening

[1:15:57] sets we find ourselves in a rough neighborhood when we begin to feel

[1:16:00] unsafe in wait is that the sound of footsteps behind us quick duck into the

[1:16:04] nearest building it's a cinema inside two doors stand before us which shall we

[1:16:09] choose knowing that if those pursuing us have followed us thus far and mean us

[1:16:13] ill this film may be the last thing we ever see so gentlemen that was a simple

[1:16:19] scenario yes which movie are we going to see is it National Lampoon's vacation or

[1:16:24] a class starring Andrew McCarthy Rob Lowe and Jacqueline Bissette Dan you

[1:16:29] get to choose first are you choosing National Lampoon's vacation as the final

[1:16:32] film for William Golding or class oh boy uh keep in mind we are William

[1:16:41] Golding yeah okay I'm gonna choose class okay interesting okay and so Stuart you

[1:16:57] will be arguing the case of National Lampoon's vacation Dan you go first why

[1:17:01] should we why the let's imagine these posters are on the wall are on the doors

[1:17:05] ahead of us why are we going through the door with the class poster tell us okay

[1:17:09] first I will describe we have three people sitting on a love seat kind of a

[1:17:16] an older classier love seat and Rob Lowe is fully dressed to the far left as we

[1:17:27] face it Jacqueline Bissette is in kind of a robe it looks like revealing a lot

[1:17:34] of her cleavage she's in like a sexy gown and Rob Lowe is in a private school

[1:17:38] uniform yes yes and Andrew McCarthy is fully nude but for the private school

[1:17:44] tie that he still has around his neck and now I want you to so this is not a

[1:17:48] paint this is not a photograph this is a painting right I want you to talk for a

[1:17:52] moment about the quality of the portraiture in this painting I would

[1:17:57] say Andrew McCarthy immediately recognized the best yes yeah I

[1:18:01] immediately was like Jacqueline Bissette I don't actually remember what she looks

[1:18:05] like well enough to speak to but Rob Lowe it took me a moment to be like

[1:18:09] that's Rob Lowe and Andrew McCarthy has a real goofy look on his face yeah he

[1:18:13] does I'm like a wax figure of himself and so and Dan we only have a few

[1:18:21] moments so yeah do we have time to even read the text on the poster I guess

[1:18:24] we'll have to I'll just it says the good news is Jonathan is having his first

[1:18:27] affair the bad news is she's his roommate's mother class and you know

[1:18:34] what here's the you know it's a true pronged argument true pronged those

[1:18:38] prongs are true now and I'll mention I'll mention these movies did not come

[1:18:43] out on the same day in the United States but they were released the same weekend

[1:18:46] in your attention to detail yeah I on the wall on the run I think William

[1:18:55] gold golding me I'm taken in by number one class mm-hmm I like class a classy

[1:19:02] guy's winner sure yeah Nobel Prize winner number two bright private school

[1:19:08] I'm I'm in England they call it public school over there makes no sense but but

[1:19:15] James was on this podcast and he said yeah and he did if only he was here to

[1:19:20] tell us about England and the it also he is perhaps one of the greatest

[1:19:24] chroniclers of the savagery of private school children with his novel or the

[1:19:30] classifies yeah so this is a real Lord of the Flies situation where instead of

[1:19:35] becoming violent towards each other they have become sexually aggressive towards

[1:19:38] their mothers I guess yeah well in number three the last point that goes

[1:19:44] through my mind is I might die this looks really horny and I just need to

[1:19:50] before I go see a real horny movie so you're so this is so Dan is William

[1:19:56] Golding Nobel Prize winning author he's on the run for his life he says if I'm

[1:19:59] gonna

[1:20:00] let me die rubbing it out in a theater to a private school student having sex with Jacqueline

[1:20:05] Bessette.

[1:20:06] I have nothing left to lose.

[1:20:08] Yeah.

[1:20:09] Nothing left to lose.

[1:20:11] I might as well live my bucket list dream.

[1:20:14] Okay, Dan, a solid argument for William Golding to go see Class.

[1:20:18] Stewart, the ball's in your court.

[1:20:21] Why should he see National Lampoon's Vacation?

[1:20:23] National Lampoon's Vacation.

[1:20:24] Now this poster promises untold adventure and excitement.

[1:20:31] Now it is a it is lusciously painted, almost fantasy Boris Vallejo backdrop.

[1:20:41] Centered is Chevy Chase ripping out of his shirt, holding up some luggage and brandishing

[1:20:46] a tennis racket as if it were Excalibur itself.

[1:20:51] And clinging to his legs are his, what we will learn is his daughter and his wife.

[1:20:57] I don't think that's correct.

[1:20:58] His daughter is not clinging to him that way.

[1:21:00] I believe the second woman is Christie Brinkley.

[1:21:02] Oh, that's Christie Brinkley?

[1:21:04] Yeah.

[1:21:05] Okay.

[1:21:06] Back again somehow.

[1:21:08] And Beverly D'Angelo, who while they clearly scaled up Chevy Chase's hotness here, I feel

[1:21:15] like they had to tone down Beverly D'Angelo.

[1:21:18] She's incredible.

[1:21:19] Okay, so tagline, every summer Chevy Chase takes his family on a little trip.

[1:21:24] This year he went too far.

[1:21:25] Now what I like about this is the question is, yeah, exactly.

[1:21:28] Yes.

[1:21:29] You continue.

[1:21:30] Yeah.

[1:21:31] Chevy Chase plays himself.

[1:21:32] Apparently.

[1:21:33] That's what I love is they're like, look, let's not even let's not even waste time with

[1:21:39] the character name.

[1:21:40] Like we just call him Chevy Chase.

[1:21:44] And me, William Goulding, I am trying to escape like physically, literally.

[1:21:53] Maybe it's time to escape mentally as well and go on a little adventure into this land

[1:21:59] of Narnia that is National Lampoon's Vacation.

[1:22:04] That's it.

[1:22:05] I'm trying to escape.

[1:22:06] And also I feel like if my pursuers were going to pick which one I would go into, they would

[1:22:13] assume I would be go to the highbrow sex comedy while instead I'll be going to the

[1:22:18] lowbrow sex comedy to throw them off my scent.

[1:22:21] Oh, that's very smart.

[1:22:23] That's good strategic thinking.

[1:22:25] You would think nothing less of William Goulding, the man who was able to write a novel about

[1:22:29] cavemen.

[1:22:32] So guys, this is a this is a tough decision.

[1:22:35] You have both made great choice.

[1:22:37] Great arguments.

[1:22:38] Not great choices, I would say.

[1:22:39] Oh, you both made great arguments in life.

[1:22:41] No, certainly not.

[1:22:43] To be honest, your arguments were too good because I'll tell you how this scenario plays

[1:22:47] out.

[1:22:48] Let's choose your own adventure on this one.

[1:22:50] He looks at class and thinks that is the kind of movie I'd like to see a sophisticated movie

[1:22:54] I can masturbate to right before I die.

[1:22:56] But wait, they would expect that of me.

[1:22:58] I'll go to National Lampoon's Vacation and I will trick my pursuers.

[1:23:02] He opens the door and unfortunately that split second of indecision gave them just enough

[1:23:07] time to catch up with him, put his hands behind his back and they're going to take him to

[1:23:11] see Da Boss, as they call him, Graham Green.

[1:23:15] And so it is a tragic end for William Goulding.

[1:23:18] It's a green machine, they call him.

[1:23:20] But I am going to give that one to to Stuart.

[1:23:25] No, I'm going to give that one to Dan.

[1:23:26] I'm going to give that one to Dan because honestly, Dan, I think you've gotten inside

[1:23:32] William Goulding's head even more about what he would want.

[1:23:37] The minute he saw Andrew McCarthy sitting there naked with a goofy expression on his

[1:23:40] face and a private school tie, he said, this is the kind of ribald, unsophisticated comedy

[1:23:45] that I'm in the mood for.

[1:23:47] So totaling up the scores, we see that Dan has one, two, three, four.

[1:23:56] And Stuart has one, two, three and four.

[1:24:02] It's a tie, guys.

[1:24:03] You both win.

[1:24:04] It shows that you are both not just movie experts, but you are also, at heart, just

[1:24:10] movie lovers.

[1:24:11] Movies and movies.

[1:24:13] Or movies experts.

[1:24:14] I mean, the way you were talking about class, probably, and zapped.

[1:24:17] You know what?

[1:24:18] I see a theme between the movies that Dan was choosing.

[1:24:20] Real quick, before we sign off, of those double features, which one would you most likely

[1:24:26] want to see in the theater?

[1:24:28] Should I go back through them and tell you what they were again?

[1:24:29] I think the early ones were good.

[1:24:33] It's called heightening.

[1:24:34] Yeah.

[1:24:35] So Die Hard and A Fish Called Wanda, A Jewel of the Nile and A Chorus Lie in the Movie,

[1:24:39] The Care Bears Movie and Police Academy 2, their first assignment, Zapped or The World

[1:24:44] According to Garp, Look Who's Talking 2 or The Wizard, Howard the Duck or Friday the

[1:24:49] 13th Part 6 Jason Lives, or National Lampoon's Vacation or Class.

[1:24:54] Which double features would you guys want to see?

[1:24:56] Well, I mean, the one I would genuinely like to see is the first one, because those are

[1:25:00] two movies I actually enjoy.

[1:25:01] Those are two good movies.

[1:25:03] But for inflicting random pain on myself kind of fun, I think I would go with Care Bears

[1:25:14] and Police Academy.

[1:25:15] That's a good, that's a strong showing.

[1:25:16] That's the masochistic side of yourself, yeah.

[1:25:18] And Stuart, what about you?

[1:25:19] What would you go see?

[1:25:20] I mean, it's tough, because in a way, isn't Bobcat Goldthwait the real Care Bear cousin?

[1:25:25] True.

[1:25:26] Well, he's a cat, so yeah, he's an animal, sure.

[1:25:30] Yeah, I mean, it's probably Howard the Duck and Jason Lives, although I've seen this movie

[1:25:35] so many times.

[1:25:36] That was a close one, but I think I'm going to go with Jewel of the Nile and A Chorus

[1:25:39] Line the Movie, because I've honestly never seen either of them, and they, I mean, A Chorus

[1:25:43] Line the Movie, I've seen little bits of, and it kind of baffles me a little bit, but

[1:25:47] I'm like, I can't even imagine what these movies are going to be like, in a way.

[1:25:50] I would say, like, as much as I made fun of Jewel of the Nile, and it's bad, like, especially

[1:25:55] compared to Romance of the Stone, there's, like, fun stuff in it, even, like, they both,

[1:26:01] like, that and Chorus Line, I think, would be both good as very much, like, snapshots

[1:26:06] of the types of movies that existed at that time.

[1:26:09] And now, what double feature would you like to see the least of these, of these ones?

[1:26:13] Because I know, I'll say for me, it's Zapped and The World According to Garp.

[1:26:16] Those are two movies that just don't seem appealing to me.

[1:26:20] I, I, I might watch one of those individually, or, I mean, there's certain scenes from one

[1:26:28] of them that you would watch.

[1:26:29] You'd wear out the tape, and there's just those segments, yeah.

[1:26:33] I think that as a double feature, that would be too much whiplash, to watch those two movies

[1:26:38] together.

[1:26:39] No, I think it's the, look who's talking to the wizard, I think, I couldn't do it, I can't

[1:26:45] take it, yeah.

[1:26:46] I think they'd be too boring.

[1:26:47] You'd be so mad at, you're like, the Power Glove was never that good.

[1:26:50] It was never that good.

[1:26:51] Like, that's not how you play Super Mario Bros. 3, oh god.

[1:26:54] Yeah, you guys, you guys know me too well.

[1:26:56] Well, thanks Dan and Stuart for playing this game, thanks listeners for listening to this,

[1:27:00] I know this was a long mini, but I hope you enjoyed the quest we went on.

[1:27:04] I would like to thank our editor slash producer, Alex Smith, he's on the internet as HowlDotty.

[1:27:11] Listen to his podcast, Fast Track, where he and a guest make up a song right on the spur

[1:27:14] of the moment.

[1:27:15] We did one, and it was a great fun episode, and I think the song came out really cool.

[1:27:19] We are a Maximum Fun podcast, please check out the other podcasts at MaximumFun.org,

[1:27:25] and hey, if you've got some extra time on your hands, and you feel like helping us out

[1:27:28] a little to get our name out there in the world, if you enjoyed this little trip through

[1:27:32] movie history, why not leave a review for us, a positive one, thank you, on the podcast

[1:27:37] app of your choice, so that other people can find out about the podcast, and Dan and I

[1:27:41] can continue to pay our bills during this strike.

[1:27:46] We appreciate it.

[1:27:47] Thank you so much, guys, do you have any final words before I end this installment?

[1:27:50] No, this was a fun one, Elliot, let's do it again sometime.

[1:27:55] Let's do it again sometime.

[1:27:56] How about right now?

[1:27:57] Let's do it again sometime.

[1:27:58] Oh!

[1:27:59] Oh!

[1:28:00] Bonus round!

[1:28:01] Okay, welcome to the Flappize Mini, my name's Elliot Kalin, we're gonna play a little game.

[1:28:02] Fade out the audio slowly.

[1:28:03] Stop me before I kill again.

[1:28:05] So in this one, we're gonna talk about the 1930s, two movies that came out at the same

[1:28:09] time in the 1930s.

[1:28:10] Oh, God, no.

[1:28:11] Okay, what characters are we playing?

[1:28:12] Game Masters.

[1:28:13] Maximum fun, a worker-owned network of artists-owned shows, supported directly by you.

FH Mini 86 - Watch Which?

Transcript

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