Ep.#404 - The Legend of the Titanic

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the legend of the Titanic.

[0:04] Finally, the true story of what happened to the Titanic.

[0:08] I got, like, two more of these, so you can...

[0:30] Hey, everyone, welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:37] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:38] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:40] And I'm Elliot Kaelin.

[0:41] And later in the show, I'm going to tell you some exciting Flophouse show news for shows

[0:46] that you can see.

[0:47] Like the fact that later today, when this episode is released, tonight, we'll be doing

[0:51] the second episode of our Flop TV series.

[0:54] And we've got a live show coming up in Los Angeles, October 19th.

[0:57] I'll tell you more about those later in the show.

[0:59] But for now, back to the show.

[1:00] And on with the show, here comes Dan McCoy with the show.

[1:04] Dan, what's on the show tonight?

[1:05] Dan and Stuart, what's going on with the show?

[1:08] Without further ado, let the show go on, because the show must go on.

[1:12] There's no business like show business.

[1:14] Show me a rose, and I'll show you a show.

[1:17] So let's show it all together.

[1:19] Show pulling right along.

[1:20] Let's show it, Dan.

[1:22] Show it, Stuart.

[1:23] Show pull off to Buffalo.

[1:24] Here in Missouri, the show me state.

[1:27] Thank you, Elliot, for that concise wind up.

[1:32] Hey, this is the Flophouse, a podcast where we talk about bad movies.

[1:39] We've been recently, because of the strike and because of our unwillingness-

[1:44] The strike of the Writers Guild of America and Stag Aftra.

[1:48] Yes, because of those strikes, we are like-

[1:51] Not the strikes you did in bowling last night.

[1:53] We all went to bowling last night, and Dan was just throwing strike after strike.

[1:56] It was amazing.

[1:58] I'll let this lie stand, because it paints me in a good light.

[2:00] Oh, the perfect game.

[2:02] It was incredible.

[2:03] Amazing.

[2:04] A perfect game for Dan.

[2:05] Of course, each of the pins was a freeze-dried live pigeon.

[2:08] So it wasn't-

[2:09] Oh, no.

[2:10] So Dan was just destroying pigeons left and right.

[2:12] Very terrible.

[2:13] The perfect game.

[2:14] We call that Brooklyn-style bowling.

[2:18] So to sum up, we're on strike right now, the Writers Guild and Stag Aftra, and we don't

[2:25] want to promote recent films, so we've been reaching back in time and promoting old films.

[2:35] We don't really promote films on the podcast, let's be clear.

[2:38] This is us out of a willingness to go the extra mile to not even come close to supporting

[2:45] anything during the strike.

[2:46] So we're talking about older films-

[2:48] Specifically from that magical decade.

[2:52] The 90s right now.

[2:53] The 90s.

[2:54] Hey, spin doctors, Spice Girls, flannel shirts.

[3:02] Mr. Peabody will hustle us back into the time machine, and we'll go back maybe another decade,

[3:08] but right now we're in the 90s.

[3:11] And it's also small-timber.

[3:12] Oh, special time of the month.

[3:13] Small-timber.

[3:14] I mean, it's probably the year, I guess, but it is also a time of the month if you think

[3:20] about it.

[3:21] Yeah.

[3:22] If it's a month, then this is a time of the month, for sure, yeah.

[3:25] Honestly, most of the films we would cover in small-timber anyway would not be AMPTP

[3:34] signatory productions.

[3:37] This one was in a big studio tentpole?

[3:39] I mean, not for an American studio, I don't know what it was like in Italy where this

[3:45] was mostly produced, although it was a joint production between a lot of different countries.

[3:50] Italian-Korean co-production with some, I think, some other places.

[3:54] But we thought thematically we should still reach back to the 90s.

[3:58] We said we're in the 90s right now.

[3:59] We're going to go with some older small movies.

[4:03] This one, The Legend of the Titanic, an animated film, came out a few years after a little

[4:09] movie called Titanic.

[4:11] Real Titanic.

[4:12] The World by Storm.

[4:13] Here's how much we dislike the AMPTP and don't want to drive business their way at the moment.

[4:17] This is a movie that was a co-production with not just a Korean company, but a North

[4:20] Korean state-owned animation company.

[4:23] Oh dear lord.

[4:24] Out of the frying pan, into the fire.

[4:26] Oh boy, yeah.

[4:27] So this is a movie that you have to imagine that Kim Jong-un, was it Kim Jong-un or Kim

[4:33] Jong...

[4:34] It was Kim Jong-il at the time, right?

[4:35] Yeah.

[4:36] Who was the lead of Earthquake.

[4:37] Was going to the studio every day to look at the daily animation rushes and the pencil

[4:42] tests for these characters.

[4:43] And clapping his hands in delight, I'm sure.

[4:44] Oh, sure.

[4:45] Yeah, he loved it.

[4:46] It's a magical world that has been spun.

[4:47] Him and his buddy, Dennis Rodman, were just going through, giving their notes on the animation.

[4:51] Yeah, looking at this horrific dog-faced octopus and being like, that's what it's face looked

[4:58] like.

[4:59] Beautiful.

[5:00] Yeah.

[5:01] And now guys, now this, as you mentioned, this is clearly jumping on the Titanic bandwagon,

[5:03] but it's also throwing in a dash of Don Bluth, a dash of Miyazaki, a whole, all sorts of

[5:09] things to create a sort of animated mishmash of, a strange combo of things, you know, unlike

[5:17] combos the candy, which are a naturally occurring, wonderful combination of elements.

[5:22] This is a weird combo.

[5:23] Yeah.

[5:24] I had, yeah, the combos...

[5:25] Should I not call combos a candy?

[5:26] Because they're not, they're not sweet or savory, right?

[5:29] They're a snack food.

[5:30] They're a snack food.

[5:31] Okay.

[5:32] Yeah.

[5:33] I mean, I think there's some sweetness with like the pizza sauce part of it.

[5:35] Sure.

[5:36] Yeah.

[5:37] I think there's some sweetness in the way that like food scientists add sweetness to

[5:39] everything to get us addicted to their snack foods.

[5:41] Oh.

[5:42] Did you hear that?

[5:43] Um, but anyway.

[5:44] Yeah.

[5:45] Didn't you see?

[5:46] I thought they were adding nutrition.

[5:47] I have some pamphlets for you.

[5:48] I don't know why we're pretending, like Stuart only eats nuts and fruit.

[5:54] Yeah.

[5:55] He's the healthiest eater among us.

[5:56] That's how he looks like this, guys.

[5:57] Yeah.

[5:58] Every time he comes over, it's a big package of nuts and some fruit.

[6:02] Yeah.

[6:03] Stuart's on what he calls the marmoset diet.

[6:05] If a marmoset doesn't eat it, he is not interested.

[6:07] To, uh, not to get too into the specific details.

[6:10] And occasionally he'll eat a marmoset.

[6:11] Every couple of weeks he'll eat a marmoset too.

[6:13] Yeah.

[6:14] You know, Stuart had food poisoning.

[6:15] We had to delay this recording.

[6:16] Oh boy, did I.

[6:18] And he brought over his lunch, which was some brown rice, it looks like.

[6:21] Uh huh.

[6:22] So there you go.

[6:23] And a thermos filled with broth.

[6:28] So the Legend of the Titanic.

[6:29] Oh yeah.

[6:30] That's where we were in the.

[6:31] I remember back when the, when the Titanic, when Titanic was a huge movie, as opposed

[6:34] to now, when it's been overtaken by Avatar Way of Water as the James Cameron movie about

[6:40] water.

[6:41] And they decided to get in on that Titanic business.

[6:43] Guys, should we talk about this movie, which starts out a little misguided and eventually

[6:48] gets to some very strange places?

[6:50] Oh yes, we should.

[6:51] Although I, sorry, I just remembered what I wanted to say is like the disparate elements

[6:54] in this are so confusing to me.

[6:58] They even once the kind of different plot lines start intersecting and theoretically

[7:06] influencing one another, they still feel completely separate to me somehow.

[7:11] Like they had, they like this like mouse world and animal world and human world.

[7:17] And I don't like the film is so bad about integrating them that even when the plot integrates

[7:21] them, like my brain still wants to keep them apart.

[7:24] It kind of hurts your head.

[7:25] You get a headache.

[7:27] So guys, I know you're saying that this kind of riding on the coattails of James Cameron's

[7:30] Titanic, but what about, what if James Cameron's Titanic, wouldn't it have been improved if

[7:35] Billy Zane's character had access to a gang of tough talking shark?

[7:41] It certainly would have.

[7:42] And a naive octopus.

[7:43] The moment when that shark shows up is really, I think, when the movie enters a new level.

[7:49] Fucking awesome.

[7:51] Maybe in the course of explaining this movie to us, which you're about to start, you will

[7:54] explain to me why, why part of the villain scheme was to sink the ship he also was on.

[8:02] But we'll get to it, I guess.

[8:04] We'll get to it.

[8:05] We'll get to that.

[8:06] We'll get to that.

[8:07] Okay.

[8:08] And also, no, I won't be able to explain it.

[8:09] So, but we'll get to that.

[8:10] So the movie begins as all great movies do with an instrumental version of New York,

[8:13] New York playing over a cityscape that doesn't really resemble New York at all.

[8:18] One building does have a prominent Braniff Airlines logo on it.

[8:22] I was like, is that the famous Braniff building?

[8:25] I get it.

[8:26] When you like when you shoot a movie in Toronto, for instance, and you're like, yeah, we're

[8:31] in New York, whatever.

[8:33] But when it's animated, can't you just draw it from a picture and just be able to draw

[8:37] that city?

[8:38] Yeah.

[8:39] Yeah.

[8:40] From a picture.

[8:41] It's pretty easy.

[8:42] Just like Google New York skyline and 1999.

[8:45] It was a little bit harder to get pictures of New York back then.

[8:48] The Internet was slightly harder.

[8:49] Yeah.

[8:50] Yeah.

[8:52] I mean, and it's also possible these scenes were drawn in North Korea where information

[8:56] about the outside world is very, very heavily.

[8:58] Oh yeah.

[8:59] That's a good point.

[9:00] Yeah.

[9:01] So maybe they could not get a picture of New York.

[9:02] Uh, so we zoom into an apartment where a, where some mouse children are asking their

[9:06] grandpa about what it was like being a sailor on the Titanic.

[9:10] Let's unpack that sentence.

[9:11] Okay.

[9:12] So wait, they're in like a regular sized apartment.

[9:14] They are not.

[9:16] It does not show them zooming into like a mouse hole there in a regular sized apartment.

[9:20] So we assume it's like a duck world like there.

[9:22] Yes.

[9:23] Okay.

[9:24] So they're like human sized mice.

[9:25] At this point we assume they're human sized mice in a human sized city or perhaps maybe

[9:29] it's a mouse city that may have it.

[9:31] That Braniff airlines also has, has, is still existing.

[9:34] Remember Braniff is still in business.

[9:36] Maybe it only does mouse work now.

[9:38] I want to unpack the other part where you talk about how he was a sailor on the Titanic.

[9:42] Now I, this is another thing that wasn't really clear to me.

[9:47] The Titanic obviously had its, you know, human, human sized sailors who staffed the ship and

[9:54] made it run.

[9:55] Ample historical evidence to support the idea that there were humans working on the Titanic.

[9:59] Yes.

[10:00] But this movie posits, it seems, that there's also like a separate mouse crew.

[10:05] Yes.

[10:06] Because there's like a mouse captain.

[10:07] And I'm wondering what these animals are doing to pilot the ship, if anything.

[10:13] Well, and so he's, calling him a sailor is misguided or misdirected because these mice

[10:19] are operating more like coyotes, the people who help smuggle immigrants across borders

[10:25] because they are, they're just there to take care of the mice and help them to sneak onto

[10:29] the ship.

[10:30] Right.

[10:31] They don't have any technical, although later on they do get heavily involved in the technical

[10:35] apparatus of the ship.

[10:36] True, yeah.

[10:37] Sure, sure.

[10:38] But the captain is less than sort of a captain and more of like a cruise director.

[10:40] Yes, exactly.

[10:41] I mean, maybe he stands there with a soda pop cap, pretending it's a steering wheel.

[10:45] Like, oh, yeah, well, we're almost in New York, you know.

[10:50] So one of the kids finds a, and he says, you were on the Titanic, it sank, and the grandpa

[10:54] says something very funny that is never really borne out by the movie, he goes, oh, it was

[10:57] all a misunderstanding, which doesn't really make any sense.

[11:02] One of the kids finds a whistle and he goes, oh, that was used to call the terrible Mr.

[11:05] Ice.

[11:06] Now, never having seen this movie before, I immediately assumed, oh, there's going to

[11:10] be like a giant talking iceberg that is summoned or like some kind of ice elemental who creates

[11:16] the iceberg.

[11:17] That would be ridiculous.

[11:18] As we'll later find out, Mr. Ice is terrible, but is actually a sea creature that has nothing

[11:24] to do with it.

[11:25] Well, we'll see.

[11:26] I don't know why he's called Ice.

[11:27] He's called a felon.

[11:28] Yes.

[11:29] Consider that he has, his body literally has prison stripes on it and he wears a cap.

[11:33] But anyway, so grandpa flashes back to England, 1912, which makes me wonder, maybe, you know

[11:39] what?

[11:40] So that story must be being told in like the 1970s, maybe the 1980s.

[11:44] So maybe Braniff is still around.

[11:45] Okay.

[11:46] England, at this point, I'll stop talking about Braniff Airlines, a defunct airline,

[11:49] which is just weird to me that that's the logo that is on the, branded on a building.

[11:53] So England, 1912, and passengers are boarding the Titanic, and I'm just going to go through

[11:57] who some of these passengers are.

[11:58] I'm not going to go moment by moment entirely.

[12:01] Okay.

[12:02] There's the wealthy Duke of Cameron, whose voice is kind of like a cut rate Donald Sutherland.

[12:06] Like if you asked one of us to do like a Donald Sutherland impression, that's the Duke of

[12:09] Cameron, his beautiful daughter, Elizabeth, her evil step mom, Rachel, her and Elizabeth's

[12:15] evil fiance, Everard Maltravers.

[12:17] Now guys, is this a name?

[12:20] Is this a real name?

[12:21] Everard Maltravers.

[12:24] Which is, of course, French for bad Travers.

[12:29] And he has a, much like Draco Malfoy and Malvolio, if you want people to know that it's a bad

[12:37] guy, put Mal in front of the name.

[12:38] That's why we know Mallory was the villain on, what show was that?

[12:42] Family Ties.

[12:43] Yes.

[12:44] Yeah.

[12:45] That's right.

[12:47] And Maltravers has an eyepatch and he also has a bumbling hench butler named Jeffrey.

[12:50] That's why you know that Malcolm in the middle is the bad guy in the middle.

[12:54] That's why they keep him in the middle, because he's in prison, so they can't get out.

[12:57] Yeah, he's in prison between Dewey and, what's the other guy?

[13:01] The older one.

[13:02] Yeah.

[13:03] The older son.

[13:04] What's his name?

[13:05] Danny Kirovansh.

[13:06] Firefly was the bad guy all along, right?

[13:08] Yep.

[13:09] Yep.

[13:10] Yep.

[13:11] And Ian Malcolm from the Jurassic Park movies, he's the one who let the dinosaurs loose in

[13:13] the behind the scenes.

[13:14] I mean, he is a bad boy.

[13:15] He is a bad boy.

[13:16] He is a bad boy.

[13:17] He wears a leather jacket.

[13:18] He's a sexy mathematician.

[13:20] And Maltravers has a bumbling hench butler named Jeffrey, who's basically just Gaston's

[13:24] sidekick from Beauty and the Beast.

[13:26] Like it's such a total rip-off.

[13:28] Elizabeth does not want to marry Maltravers, but Rachel-

[13:30] Can I point out that Elizabeth has like a pretty cool mullet haircut?

[13:34] Yeah, sure.

[13:35] Like it's pretty current.

[13:36] Like I could see some kids in Bushwick wearing this haircut.

[13:39] And surprisingly low cut dresses through much of the movie, considering this is a kids movie

[13:43] set in 1912.

[13:45] Stuart was pleasantly surprised, he said.

[13:47] I can't remember.

[13:48] Like I have to make it.

[13:50] I have to make an admission here, which is that, you know, as we said, Stuart had some

[13:59] food poisoning.

[14:00] So we pushed the-

[14:01] We call them the Troubles.

[14:02] We pushed the recording back-

[14:03] Oh, is that what Ireland was going through when they had the Troubles was just bad food

[14:07] poisoning nationwide?

[14:08] Yeah.

[14:09] Yeah.

[14:10] This is like-

[14:11] Bad airline food.

[14:12] Probably from Braniff Airlines.

[14:13] It was gone from when we were supposed to record.

[14:15] I watched the movie the day before, even as I was watching, my brain was having a really

[14:20] hard time just in taking this movie.

[14:24] Maybe you had food poisoning too.

[14:26] Yeah.

[14:27] No, I'll admit, as someone who was very healthy and ate good food, I also had trouble.

[14:30] I frequently had to rewind and rewatch scenes because it was like, I've said this before

[14:34] in other movies, it's like the movie, my brain was so, it was so frictionless.

[14:37] The movie would just slide right off of my brain and I would have to shove it in to make

[14:42] sure it actually made a memory.

[14:44] Right.

[14:45] So, I mean, at this point, you can tell me anything happened in this movie and I would

[14:50] believe you.

[14:51] Dan, I'll tell you right now, anything does happen because also boarding the ship are

[14:53] many immigrant mice from different countries, including sailor Tom Connors, who will someday

[14:58] be Grandpa Mouse.

[15:00] That's Tom Connors, the mouse not stomping Tom Connors, the pride of Prince Edward Island,

[15:05] creator of the hockey song, the ketchup song, and many other great songs from Prince Edward

[15:09] Island.

[15:10] The ketchup song?

[15:11] Yeah.

[15:12] What?

[15:13] What is the song?

[15:14] Just look up Stompin' Tom Connors, the pride of Prince Edward Island.

[15:17] Prince Edward Island is proud of two things, Anne of Green Gables and Stompin' Tom Connors,

[15:21] a country singer who would stomp on a wooden board while he sang.

[15:25] And when I went to visit our friend Eric, who has now been mentioned in a number of

[15:28] Law Class episodes, when he lived in Prince Edward Island, there were not one, but two

[15:32] different Anne of Green Gables musicals going on at the same time.

[15:35] And one Stompin' Tom Connors biographical stage show where someone played him and performed

[15:41] his music.

[15:42] You got to combine them.

[15:43] Have a Stompin' Tom Connors, Anne of Green Gables musical.

[15:47] I just like the idea that Stompin' was his thing, like an earlier era of entertainment,

[15:52] like to live in that era of entertainment where you just have a thing and the thing

[15:56] can just be used to stomp on some wood.

[15:58] He would sing and they would bring out the wood and people would cheer when they brought

[16:01] out the wooden plank and he'd stomp on it really hard.

[16:03] Okay, so these two Brazilian mice are also coming on.

[16:07] Stella, who Tom immediately falls in love with.

[16:09] She is barely a character.

[16:11] She just shows up every now and then.

[16:12] And her soccer-obsessed brother, Ronnie, who is, again, Brazilian, a Brazilian named Ronnie.

[16:17] And they do not have accent, Brazilian accent.

[16:19] And he also, he also repeatedly refers to soccer as soccer.

[16:24] Yes, he never calls it football or football.

[16:27] He has been in England to learn how to play soccer, as he calls it.

[16:31] And he becomes Tom's sidekick very quickly and shows off some soccer tricks.

[16:34] Now, before they fully board the ship, Elizabeth's eye is caught by some Spaniards who are dancing

[16:39] on the dock, including the black-cloaked Don Juan, Prince of Andalusia, who also has a

[16:45] dog named Smiley.

[16:46] And all the rich people hate Smiley, but Elizabeth immediately takes a liking to him.

[16:50] And in one of the creepier moments, Smiley takes Elizabeth's glove, brings it to Don

[16:55] Juan, who immediately smells it and goes, ah, very weird.

[16:59] Which, guys, guys, I've been there.

[17:01] I mean, it's literally the name of a Spinal Tap album is Smell the Glove, right?

[17:05] Like, it's a weird thing to do in a kid's movie.

[17:07] Yeah, I mean, that's weird.

[17:08] But also, like, her just acceptance of, well, well, I guess that's the dog's glove now.

[17:13] Possession of non-testable law with your dog.

[17:15] Spoken like a guy who's never had a dog bite a glove off his hand in front of him.

[17:19] Yeah, Dan, are you really chasing after that dog to get that glove?

[17:22] I guess.

[17:23] I mean, it's not worth it.

[17:24] It's just a glove.

[17:25] You're that wealthy, you just, you know, open up your pack of gloves.

[17:28] Yes.

[17:29] Meanwhile, the steward on the ship tells Juan's buddies, you can't take that dog on here.

[17:34] So they bully him.

[17:35] And then Smiley, on camera, peeves on the steward's leg.

[17:38] And we see the pee.

[17:39] Oh, yeah, that was pretty great.

[17:40] Yeah, yeah.

[17:41] We do see the pee.

[17:42] It's like infinity pool.

[17:45] So the Titanic sets off.

[17:46] We learn that Maltravers is a whaling magnate who has a fleet of whaling ships.

[17:50] And he wants the Duke to sign over his valuable whaling territory, which the Duke has not

[17:54] been whaling in.

[17:55] But Maltravers wants to.

[17:56] And as he says to Jeffries, nothing in the world counts but money and power.

[18:01] And then we get the first of many hideously ugly swooping flybys of the CGI Titanic in

[18:05] this otherwise hand-drawn animated film.

[18:08] Guys, how did you feel about Maltravers' whaling plan or about these CGI ships in an otherwise

[18:15] pen and ink film?

[18:16] I do like when he, like, refers to his his his little buddy as a like a sniveling factotum.

[18:24] Like, has he been working on all these fucking burns?

[18:28] What's going on?

[18:29] Yeah, he has a thesaurus that he's consulting on.

[18:30] It's like bad guy thesaurus.

[18:32] Yeah.

[18:33] Yeah.

[18:34] Well, the CGI.

[18:35] Yeah.

[18:36] I do want to mention this.

[18:38] The rest of the movie is, you know, not good animation at all, but it, you know, like the

[18:45] design at least is like acceptable sort of mid-budget knockoff animation.

[18:52] Yeah, sub Don Bluth, sub Disney, you know, but, you know, but but the sort of stuff that

[18:59] still used to get into the theaters once in a while.

[19:03] But then when you switch to CGI, you see like this, you know.

[19:08] Very of the time bad CGI boat like running through water that looks like it's kind of

[19:13] like someone just took like the Mac paint, you know, the spray paint or airbrush thing

[19:19] and just like sprayed a bunch of gray all over.

[19:22] So it looks like they're going through kind of like smoke or dirt instead of water.

[19:26] Yeah.

[19:27] I mean, and the boat gives the impression of being made out of cardboard and they do

[19:31] these.

[19:32] So it's I don't think they're getting the majesty that they were hoping for or that

[19:35] James Cameron achieves in his his own Titanic movie, which is called, of course, as we remember,

[19:40] the abyss.

[19:41] Now, the humans, they have a gala banquet, Ronnie and Tom, the two mice, they ogle the

[19:46] food and Elizabeth makes a big scene about not wanting to marry Mel Travers.

[19:50] And Ronnie goes, oh, she's beautiful.

[19:52] I've got a crush on her.

[19:53] And Tom goes, but she's a human.

[19:54] And he goes, I'm not a racist.

[19:56] I can have a crush on her.

[19:57] And it's a proud anti-speech.

[20:00] She's this anti-racist message from the movie

[20:02] where a mouse can lust after a human being.

[20:05] And that's the thing, guys.

[20:06] That's the most I've identified with a mouse

[20:08] in a movie before is because like, guys, I get it.

[20:12] I can be, even though I'm a mouse,

[20:14] I can appreciate a patty when I see one, you know?

[20:16] Yeah.

[20:17] Now, hold on.

[20:18] So this, I mean like-

[20:21] Dan, are you gonna kink shame this mouse?

[20:23] I normally don't agree with this sort of

[20:26] slippery slope logic of like,

[20:29] well, that leads to lusting after animals.

[20:31] But this is literally what's happening here

[20:33] where it's just like, instead of saying what it is,

[20:38] which is these are two different species of creature-

[20:41] Of varying, vastly different sizes as well.

[20:43] They're framing it like-

[20:44] There's a huge power differential.

[20:46] Yeah, they're framing it like it's racism

[20:48] as if, you know, someone's like gonna be like,

[20:51] find somebody who like fucks their dog

[20:52] and like, whoa, what a racist.

[20:55] I'm supposed to be intolerant towards dogs now

[20:59] and not find them attractive?

[21:00] Are you guys saying that if you guys

[21:00] got morphed into a cartoon mouse,

[21:02] you wouldn't find your wife attractive anymore?

[21:06] I have two answers to that.

[21:07] Dan, you answer first, and then I have two answers to that.

[21:09] Well, Stuart, you're reminding me of the time

[21:11] I sort of like, I legitimately kind of teared up

[21:13] thinking about how if I was mouse-sized,

[21:16] my cats would just eat me.

[21:18] You know what, Dan, that's much better

[21:21] than what I was gonna say.

[21:22] It doesn't answer his question at all,

[21:24] but it's much better than what I was gonna say.

[21:26] Now, I will mention also the mice in the movie

[21:29] are mouse-sized, which, again, raises some questions

[21:31] when we see them in New York living in an apartment

[21:34] where they have regular-sized furniture, but.

[21:35] I mean, that's New York apartments these days.

[21:38] Yes, now, that's true.

[21:39] This movie is about to take a huge left turn

[21:42] because we cut immediately

[21:44] what seems to be the middle of a song

[21:46] while Elizabeth is wandering the deck alone crying.

[21:49] Some dolphins leap up into the air up to her eye level,

[21:52] which is a huge leap for a dolphin.

[21:53] That's like 1,000 feet in the air.

[21:55] They leap up and they start talking to her

[21:57] and they explain that she can now hear animals

[21:59] because her tears landed in a net of magic moonbeams

[22:02] and then they added some dolphin magic to it,

[22:04] so now she can understand all animals.

[22:07] And this is a huge swing for this movie to take.

[22:11] I love that they say, and we added some dolphin magic.

[22:15] As long as you're doing this bullshit,

[22:16] just say that the tears landed in a magic moonbeam

[22:19] and be done with it.

[22:20] Or just say the dolphins have cast a spell.

[22:21] Either way, pick a lane, movie.

[22:23] But they're like, oh, we saw that you were halfway

[22:26] to a magic spell, so we added a little bit

[22:28] of our own magic so we could talk to you.

[22:30] They don't want kids at home dropping their fucking tears

[22:32] in magic moonbeams, hoping that it's gonna work.

[22:35] They had to clarify that they also have to have dolphins.

[22:37] Yeah, yeah, you don't want copycat kids.

[22:39] You want kids to know that if they can't talk to dolphins,

[22:41] it's because the dolphins rejected them

[22:43] as not being worthy.

[22:45] Yes, exactly, that's what you kids need to learn this stuff.

[22:48] And the dolphins explain that they have been battling

[22:51] Maltravers's whaling fleet, which is about to go hunting

[22:54] in forbidden waters, or has been hunting

[22:55] in forbidden waters.

[22:56] And I wanna remind everybody, this is a movie

[22:58] about the Titanic, a real ship.

[23:02] And we've now introduced dolphins that can talk

[23:04] because of magic and are fighting a secret battle

[23:06] against whaling.

[23:07] Now, the whaling is very-

[23:08] It's not gonna get any weirder, though.

[23:11] Oh, I cannot promise you that it's not gonna get weirder.

[23:13] In fact, I can promise you it will get weirder.

[23:15] So Maltravers, he asked the Duke for the rights

[23:18] to his whaling concession, and the Duke

[23:20] is very noncommittal.

[23:21] The Duke is like, hmm, well, hmm.

[23:24] And Maltravers, he just tells Jeffreys to send out-

[23:27] Because he's on, guys, because he's on fucking vacation.

[23:30] Right? Yeah.

[23:30] He's like, I don't wanna talk about work right now.

[23:32] He's on that cruise life, you know?

[23:33] I'm trying to unplug.

[23:34] Yeah, mm-hmm.

[23:36] And Maltravers tells Jeffreys, give the go-ahead

[23:39] to my whaling fleet anyway.

[23:40] Tell them to go hunting.

[23:42] Jeffreys, and also, go talk to Ice.

[23:44] Jeffreys then, in another real swerve for the movie,

[23:48] Jeffreys goes to the bow of the ship, blows on a whistle,

[23:51] which calls up a shark named Ice, who wears a prison cap

[23:55] and has prison stripes on his body,

[23:56] and speaks in a New York accent to tell Ice,

[23:59] be ready, the boss is gonna call the plan into effect.

[24:01] So what this tells us is, Elizabeth,

[24:04] there was a lot of magic that had to happen

[24:06] for Elizabeth to talk to these dolphins.

[24:07] But Maltravers and Jeffreys have already been in contact with

[24:10] and have been plotting with a band of sharks

[24:13] who can speak English with a heavy New York accent,

[24:15] even at this point.

[24:16] Even at this point, they are closer

[24:17] to English-British waters, still.

[24:19] I also like the idea that at some point they're like,

[24:22] okay, what's the easiest way to sabotage this ship?

[24:27] We gotta get in touch with some sharks.

[24:29] We gotta get some sharks on our side

[24:32] who can maybe, spoiler alert, talk to an octopus

[24:35] whose size changes dramatically from CDC.

[24:37] We'll get to that octopus.

[24:38] We'll get to that amazing size-changing octopus.

[24:41] Rather than the thing- With the mind of a child.

[24:43] At no point, someone's like, hey boss, what about a bob?

[24:46] What about a little-

[24:47] It's 1912, Dan.

[24:48] I don't know if they had those.

[24:50] In 1912, they only had shark-calling flute technology.

[24:54] Sure.

[24:55] And it was such a disappointment to me,

[24:59] I don't know if it was to you,

[25:00] when I found out that Mr. Ice was not an elemental wind spirit

[25:04] who was gonna crash the ship,

[25:06] but just a mean shark, just a criminal shark.

[25:08] Yeah, no, I did anticipate

[25:10] some sort of anthropomorphic iceberg

[25:12] that had a grudge against the Titanic or something.

[25:15] I'm gonna say I like the fact that this,

[25:17] as soon as this shark showed up, I couldn't be mad at it.

[25:20] That's true.

[25:22] This shark, I mean, I didn't like

[25:24] that all sharks are bad guys in this,

[25:25] just like in all fish movies.

[25:27] But, I mean, except Finding Nemo,

[25:30] I guess the sharks are reluctant bad guys sometimes.

[25:34] What about Jabberjaw, dude?

[25:36] Yeah, all he wants to do is rock us.

[25:38] I won't point out that I said movies very clearly,

[25:41] that Jabberjaw has yet to have a feature film on his own,

[25:45] but no good point, you're right.

[25:46] You addressed the spirit of my note

[25:48] rather than the letter of my note, which is fine.

[25:51] I'm not gonna play a rabbi here and say,

[25:52] oh, technically the good book says movies.

[25:56] Thank you for your restraint, Elliot,

[25:58] for not doing any of those things.

[26:00] No, I will not do those things, I will refrain from it.

[26:02] So getting back to the story of Ronnie and Tom, the mice,

[26:05] they can also talk to Elizabeth now,

[26:07] because again, magic moonbeams,

[26:09] and they tell her not to run for her problems,

[26:12] but to face them head on, and she resolves to fight.

[26:13] She will fight for her freedom.

[26:15] Meanwhile, Juan can think of nothing but Elizabeth,

[26:18] and after the mice spy on Rachel,

[26:20] as Elizabeth's stepmother,

[26:21] plotting and scheming with Maltravers,

[26:23] and it's kind of implied that they're having an affair,

[26:25] Elizabeth goes to her father-

[26:27] I mean, he's got an eyepatch.

[26:29] He does have an eyepatch.

[26:30] He's sexy, he's like the, what,

[26:31] is that the Hathaway shirt man who had the eyepatch,

[26:35] or was it a different shirt company?

[26:38] I don't know, but I'm gonna have to look that up.

[26:40] Look it up.

[26:41] I'm asking about mid-century shirt ads

[26:44] that would be in print magazines.

[26:45] So I expect you to know these things.

[26:48] So Elizabeth goes to her father, Duke,

[26:52] she says, I'll never marry Maltravers,

[26:54] and in a shockingly anticlimactic moment,

[26:56] the Duke says, that's fine.

[26:58] I just want you to be happy,

[26:59] and it's clear he never really liked Maltravers

[27:01] that much anyway.

[27:02] That is then followed up a little bit later by-

[27:04] I never really liked that man

[27:06] he was dating with the eyepatch and the negative name.

[27:10] Yeah, who's clearly a villain

[27:12] and was mean to his bumbling servant.

[27:14] So, and then some other stuff happens.

[27:16] So the important thing is that

[27:17] Ronnie the soccer mouse kicks a tiny soccer ball

[27:19] into Maltravers, causing him to fall onto a catering cart

[27:22] that then dumps him into a laundry vat,

[27:24] which is the kind of come up-

[27:25] Which, I mean, that's very powerful.

[27:27] That is a potent kick from a mouse.

[27:28] It's a potent kick, and also the kind of thing

[27:30] that usually happens at the ends of these movies.

[27:32] I'm like, shouldn't the movie be over by now?

[27:33] No, because we're on the Titanic, I'll remind you.

[27:36] A real ship that actually sunk.

[27:37] So-

[27:38] I mean, a hundred percent Maltravers

[27:39] looks like the villain in a movie

[27:41] with like a soccer playing dog, right?

[27:43] Yes.

[27:44] But in this case, it's a bunch of mice and a dancing dog.

[27:47] Yes, because we'll see, the movie is not over

[27:50] because they've got to get Elizabeth and Juan

[27:51] to fall in love.

[27:52] Smiley, the mice, and all the other animals on board.

[27:55] There's a surprising number of pets on board the Titanic.

[27:58] They arranged for Juan and Elizabeth,

[28:00] and we do not see most of them in the lifeboats

[28:02] at the end of the movie, I have to say.

[28:04] They arranged for Elizabeth to bump into Juan on deck.

[28:07] And this is a challenge at this point,

[28:08] because at this point,

[28:10] Juan can still not understand the animals.

[28:13] Yes, they have, and also these two people

[28:15] have to fall in love, they have never met.

[28:16] Juan has only smelled Elizabeth's glove.

[28:18] He cannot understand the animals.

[28:19] But Tom says, Dan, wait, Tom says,

[28:22] they'll know if it's true love

[28:23] because their souls will unite

[28:25] and Juan will suddenly gain the ability

[28:26] to talk to animals too.

[28:28] A great narrative shortcut that is explained to us

[28:31] by a mouse in a moment and does not at all feel like

[28:34] they're just making up the rules as they go along.

[28:36] There's a lot of thought out world building going on

[28:37] in The Legend of the Titanic.

[28:39] Dan, what were you gonna say?

[28:40] I'm just wondering why all these animals

[28:42] are so invested in the romantic lives of these two humans.

[28:45] Do they not have their own emotional wants and needs?

[28:49] They do, because you'll remember,

[28:51] there is a mouse wedding at the end of the movie.

[28:53] We'll get to it in this movie

[28:56] about the real tragedy of the Titanic.

[28:58] So they bump into each other,

[29:00] a mouse orchestra plays a love serenade,

[29:02] the humans dance and kiss, the animals cheer,

[29:05] and then the mouse orchestra immediately plays

[29:07] some swing jazz that everyone dances to

[29:09] for a very long time.

[29:11] This is a very long sequence of them just dancing.

[29:13] I took a sequence, I took a-

[29:15] Expertly animated.

[29:16] A video of part of the sequence and made a GIF at it

[29:20] because I was so charmed,

[29:21] oh, not charmed, but charmed by how bad it looked

[29:24] of all these-

[29:25] It looked terrible.

[29:26] These animals and people dancing together.

[29:29] And I posted it on our Flophouse Instagram story

[29:33] and someone messaged me pointing out

[29:35] that one of the mouse's beard appears

[29:38] and disappears as he dances.

[29:40] I like when you were telling that story, Dan,

[29:42] you kind of like reverse reality show judged it.

[29:44] You're like, I was charmed by how bad it was.

[29:48] Yeah.

[29:51] Yeah, that was well done.

[29:52] That was well done.

[29:54] So this was the part, this is how my brain works

[29:57] is I started thinking, wait a minute,

[30:00] I don't know if this music is the kind of jazz they would have been listening to in 1912.

[30:04] This feels like 40s jazz, and I had to stop myself and be like, you know what?

[30:08] This is a movie about the Titanic that involves talking mice, and I didn't even know yet at the time

[30:13] that it involves a talking child-like octopus.

[30:16] But I then shut that thinking down. I was like, why am I caring?

[30:20] This is an animated movie about the Titanic, and the zaniest things have yet to happen yet.

[30:26] So this is possibly anachronist in music. Let's not worry about it.

[30:29] The duke gives Elizabeth permission to marry Juan.

[30:32] All he wants is for his daughter to be happy, but Rachel and Mal Travers…

[30:35] We don't know that he's like the duke of Andalusia, right?

[30:38] I don't think she even knows yet that he's a prince.

[30:40] She's just danced with him once and they kissed, and that's it.

[30:42] Rachel and Mal Travers – and it's also one of those things where it's clearly supposed to be she's the rich one

[30:47] and he's like with the people in steerage, but they say he's a prince.

[30:52] But he's got this dark shadows outfit on.

[30:55] Yes, yes. I wouldn't have been surprised if it turned out he's a vampire at any point.

[30:59] The duke gives Elizabeth permission to marry, but Rachel and Mal Travers are still plotting,

[31:03] and the mice tell Juan that they overheard Mal Travers saying he's planning to sink the ship.

[31:07] But I'm not actually sure if the audience heard him say that.

[31:10] Did I just miss him saying that?

[31:12] It seems like the mice were making that up to make Mal Travers look bad.

[31:15] And he is planning to do it, but it's very – it's like I don't remember actually hearing him say that.

[31:21] That's a really good question.

[31:22] Dan, do you remember this very specific part of the dialogue from the movie?

[31:27] I don't remember. I'm still puzzling over.

[31:30] I don't understand what his plot is, like why it involves sinking the ship.

[31:34] Somehow he has to sink the ship in order to – well, so here's his plot.

[31:39] I think he has to kill the duke.

[31:42] Well, we'll get to it because he has the duke sign some paperwork.

[31:44] We'll get to it.

[31:45] So the mice then stop the telegraph operator from sending Mal Travers' whaling ship orders.

[31:50] How do they do it? By chewing through all the ship's telegraph wires.

[31:54] This is going to be a bad thing it turns out later on.

[31:56] I mean it won't be a problem unless they need to send an emergency message from the ship, and that would be wild.

[32:02] Yeah, the ship is unsinkable.

[32:03] That's never going to happen. It's an unsinkable ship. It's the Titanic.

[32:06] Although the mouse captain earlier did say that the mice inspection board did not go out of their way to inspect the Titanic.

[32:12] They didn't manage to do that yet.

[32:13] Oh, wow. Way to keep them in the fucking clear.

[32:16] Yeah, so you can't blame the mice.

[32:18] The mice inspection board, they didn't okay this ship.

[32:21] They're not liable. They're not liable. Don't sue them.

[32:23] Let me check to see who produced this movie. The mouse inspection board?

[32:28] Yeah, the ultimate authority.

[32:30] Yeah, that's right. It's like United Passions, the soccer movie.

[32:37] Ah, the movie about how great FIFA is and how Seth Blatter's the hero.

[32:40] So this is when Jeffrey's contacts ice the shark, tells them to sink the ship at midnight so these sharks also can tell time.

[32:48] And Ice and his thugs, they set this up.

[32:51] There's only one way to sink this ship. It's the only logical way to do it.

[32:55] It's easy peasy.

[32:57] They're going to have to trick an enormous childlike octopus named Tentacles who has the face of a puppy dog.

[33:02] And the Tentacles is a good friend with an orca named Orky.

[33:05] They're going to have to trick the octopus into an iceberg throwing contest so that they will get an iceberg into the path of the ship.

[33:11] Again, this movie is based on a true story.

[33:13] People died. Lots of people died.

[33:16] One thing I love about Octopi is that they're like people who make cartoons.

[33:21] They love to put fucking Octopi in their shit.

[33:25] Yeah, because Octopi are great. They're amazing animals.

[33:27] They're amazing animals. They're great.

[33:29] But they also have like the least friendly face possible.

[33:32] Yes.

[33:33] So they're like, okay, this is the one animal we have to completely fuck the face around to make it look normal.

[33:37] Because there's no way to make a cute octopus who has a hard beak in the middle of his tentacles where a human would assume a butt would be.

[33:44] It's very – it's a weird design for an octopus.

[33:46] And so they always have to put the face on its bulbous head and not where it actually goes, which is in the middle of the tentacles.

[33:52] I will – I agree with all of what you're saying except for –

[33:55] Dan, where's your butt?

[33:56] Is it between your legs?

[33:58] Yes.

[33:59] Where's your mouth?

[34:00] Nowhere near your legs.

[34:01] Is it between my legs?

[34:02] Yeah, dude.

[34:03] I don't know if my butt is between my legs.

[34:04] It's between the muscles of the back of your legs.

[34:06] I would call it –

[34:07] I'm going to take a bunch of pictures of Dan's body.

[34:10] Where my legs meet the shore.

[34:13] What's closer to the center of the area between your legs, your butt or your mouth?

[34:18] What?

[34:20] This is not what I wanted to talk about.

[34:22] Answer the question, Dan.

[34:23] Why are you afraid to answer the question?

[34:24] What are you hiding?

[34:25] He is being weirdly evasive actually.

[34:27] I'm just asking you a simple question about the location of your butt and your mouth, and for some reason you refuse to answer.

[34:34] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, in the case of Grey's Anatomy versus Dan McCoy –

[34:40] Dan, do you have like a measuring tape around here?

[34:42] We can just clear this up.

[34:44] It's super simple.

[34:45] It's in the middle of my body.

[34:46] Like if you're talking about the top of the head to the bottom of your feet, I wouldn't say it's between my legs.

[34:53] But which is closer, your mouth or your butt to your legs?

[34:57] Which is closer to your legs?

[35:00] I still refuse to answer.

[35:02] Still cannot answer.

[35:03] I don't understand the point you're making.

[35:06] I didn't think this was going to be the question that tripped you up.

[35:08] I don't get it.

[35:10] I'm just trying to understand the underlying point.

[35:14] Answer the question, sir.

[35:16] Answer the question.

[35:17] Your honor, the witness is being incalcitrant.

[35:19] You refuse to answer a question.

[35:21] You're pulling a Rand Paul on me.

[35:24] You're like asking a ridiculous question and then being like, see, he doesn't want to answer.

[35:29] I don't know what's ridiculous about the location in your body of different orifices.

[35:34] You're the one who's trying to cloud the issue and make it seem as if your butt and your mouth might be the same distance from your legs.

[35:41] Could I just say the thing that I wanted to say, though?

[35:43] Yes.

[35:44] If you remember what it was, then please do.

[35:46] Avoid the question.

[35:48] I agree with what you're saying, except for I find actual octopuses or octopi, depending on how you say it, cute.

[35:56] Whereas whenever you try and anthropomorphize an octopus, it's horrifying.

[36:03] Even if we can't agree on the variable distances between your legs and your orifices, we can agree that octopuses are great.

[36:11] They're beautiful animals.

[36:12] They're really cool.

[36:13] But I think they're cute until you look at that beak.

[36:17] The beak feels weird because octopuses, you think soft.

[36:20] You think mushy.

[36:21] That beak is hard and dangerous, and all you can think about is it biting your fingers off when you go into pet an octopus.

[36:26] So I understand why a cartoon octopus would have a cute face, why it would have a puppy dog nose on its head.

[36:31] I don't understand.

[36:32] I don't know why they made that choice.

[36:34] Really alarming part about this design.

[36:36] Yes, and then why they also gave it one of these kid personalities that movies give to kids where it's borderline mentally damaged.

[36:44] How decent this octopus is.

[36:45] Well, yeah.

[36:46] I mean I think it's like to play on like a mice and men type, Lenny type thing, right?

[36:51] I don't know.

[36:52] Possibly.

[36:53] I don't think it's simple.

[36:54] Because they're like trying to take advantage of like a simple character who's very strong.

[36:58] I think it's more the way that in the movie Jack with Robin Williams.

[37:01] Robin Williams is playing a child, and there are other children who are supposed to be the same age as him.

[37:05] And the other children have personalities and can be lies sometimes.

[37:10] But Jack is just – nature is innocent.

[37:12] He can never do wrong, and he's just a moral perfectionist.

[37:15] He's an angel.

[37:16] He's an angel, yeah.

[37:17] It's called Angel of the Morning.

[37:19] I just – I want to say to listeners though.

[37:22] Is that what that song is about?

[37:23] Is that about the movie Jack?

[37:24] Yeah, that song is about the movie Jack.

[37:25] It was a tie-in to the movie Jack, yeah.

[37:26] Spoiler alert.

[37:27] I'm not going to recommend that people watch all of this movie.

[37:30] But you should Google what Tentacles in The Legend of the Titanic looks like because he'll haunt you.

[37:39] He will.

[37:40] He will, and he haunts the movie, yeah, like the specter of communism haunting Europe.

[37:46] Tentacles haunts this film.

[37:47] So the duke tells Maltravers the engagement is off.

[37:51] That's when Jeffries, Maltravers, and Rachel, the duke's wife, threaten the duke at gunpoint.

[37:56] They demand he sign a paper giving Maltravers the ownership of the whaling territory and also a new will giving everything to Rachel.

[38:03] They then tie him up and escape the ship in a lifeboat.

[38:06] This is why they're sinking the ship.

[38:08] They have to fake the duke's death so that they can inherit everything and fake – not fake the duke's death.

[38:13] They have to kill the duke.

[38:15] When they're tying him up and his wife reveals that she is betraying him, he's like, oh, joke's on you.

[38:23] I'm into this.

[38:25] Does that happen?

[38:26] I don't remember that.

[38:27] It was a quiet moment.

[38:28] He's like, oh, if only you knew I'm a major cuck.

[38:31] He wouldn't do this because you'd know that I'm really aroused right now.

[38:35] I know that they're villains, but this is a really insidious plan to cover up one murder by sinking an entire ship.

[38:43] Yes, by sinking an entire ship and killing 1,500 people.

[38:46] Yes, it's overkill.

[38:48] Let's call it that.

[38:49] It's overkill, and I don't mean overkill the van.

[38:51] I mean overkill the action.

[38:53] So Tentacles is horrified to learn that he has helped the sharks potentially hurt the humans and the sharks.

[39:00] So their plan is they're going to – he's already thrown a giant iceberg into the path of the ship.

[39:04] The sharks will hold the Titanic's rudder so it can't avoid hitting the iceberg.

[39:08] This, again, every human on the ship, their hands are clean except for Mel Trevor's.

[39:13] It's not human error at all.

[39:14] It is shark error.

[39:16] There is chaos as people fall over trying to get into the lifeboats.

[39:19] People cannot walk steady on the ship, and Juan and Elizabeth search for the duke to save him.

[39:24] As the captain announces, he plans to go down with the ship.

[39:27] He has to.

[39:29] The mouse captain, who does not plan to go down with the ship, says their only hope is to send out an SOS signal.

[39:35] Oh, no, guys.

[39:36] Are they going to be able to telegraph out an SOS?

[39:38] The wires.

[39:39] What happened to the wires?

[39:40] Do you remember?

[39:41] Remind me.

[39:42] What did the mice do to the wires?

[39:43] The mice chewed through them, right?

[39:44] Yeah.

[39:45] They chewed through the wires.

[39:46] So there's no way that they could ever connect them.

[39:47] There's just not enough wires.

[39:49] I appreciate this little taste of sort of like a library reading to children hour.

[39:55] I just want to show you what a well-structured movie this is.

[40:00] They can't just, there's consequences for that.

[40:02] They planned it earlier.

[40:03] In order to connect the wires, there's like a gap.

[40:06] They're not gonna be able to pull that.

[40:07] There's a gap between the wires, oh no.

[40:08] What's an item?

[40:09] They can't pull the wires close enough.

[40:10] I think the only thing that could connect those would be.

[40:12] If only there was some kind of strings or something

[40:16] that they could use to connect these wires.

[40:17] Maybe a character with a long mustache.

[40:20] Maybe there's a, maybe there's.

[40:20] But they didn't introduce a character

[40:22] with a long mustache, did they?

[40:23] Nope, they did.

[40:24] Thankfully, earlier they did introduce

[40:26] the French mouse Camembert, who has a long mustache.

[40:29] And Camembert demands that they attach

[40:31] the wires to his mustache.

[40:33] Luckily, his mustache is just long enough

[40:35] to close the gap between the wires.

[40:36] The message goes out.

[40:37] His mustache is made of wire and conducts electricity.

[40:40] Thankfully, the hairs that grow out of his face

[40:42] are incredibly good at conducting electrical signals

[40:45] and impulses.

[40:46] Tragically, though, he appears to die in the process.

[40:49] Camembert has given his life to save everyone

[40:52] on the Titanic.

[40:53] He has sadly passed on screen, on screen.

[40:57] Yeah, one of the characters takes

[40:58] their little sailor hat off.

[40:59] He goes, oh, Camembert.

[41:01] Yeah, Camembert.

[41:02] Tom does, because he's the only sailor on the damn ship.

[41:05] The staff is just the captain, Tom, and Camembert,

[41:08] who I think was like the cook or something.

[41:09] Anyway, the mouse captain, he goes,

[41:11] get into the lifeboats, but don't let the women see you,

[41:14] because, quote, they'll just raise a ruckus

[41:16] and get in the way.

[41:17] This movie was made in 1999, it was set in 1912.

[41:20] But the fact that the mouse captain

[41:21] has to go out of his way to talk about

[41:23] how the women are useless when they see a mouse is bonkers.

[41:25] Well, just because the character says something

[41:27] doesn't necessarily mean that's like

[41:28] the viewpoint of the filmmaker.

[41:29] That's true.

[41:30] I shouldn't blame the legend of the Titanic

[41:32] for what the misogynist mouse captain says.

[41:34] For this mouse captain's view on female hysteria.

[41:40] The mouse captain is like,

[41:41] they're not funny, by the way, either.

[41:43] Women can't be funny, it's impossible.

[41:45] It's like, mouse captain, why are you saying these things?

[41:47] Anyway, Elizabeth and Juan, they find the Duke,

[41:50] they untie him, they get him into a lifeboat.

[41:51] For some reason, they don't join him in the lifeboat.

[41:54] They stay on the bow of the ship as it continues to sink.

[41:57] And I couldn't understand why they didn't say

[41:59] get in the lifeboat, but anyway, that's up to them.

[42:02] Tentacles, who it turns out is way bigger

[42:05] than it at first seemed.

[42:06] He manages to hold the ship together with his tentacles

[42:10] long enough for everyone to get into lifeboats,

[42:12] except for our two heroes, Elizabeth and Juan,

[42:14] and the animals that are with them.

[42:16] This is all documented, right?

[42:17] This is documented in history.

[42:19] Based on a true story.

[42:20] This child octopus is kraken-sized.

[42:25] Yeah.

[42:26] And it's good because the Titanic

[42:27] has been kraken in two, into two pieces.

[42:31] It takes a kraken to fix a kraken.

[42:33] Yeah, and so Tentacles holds it together,

[42:36] and the captain goes, I'm going down with the ship,

[42:38] and Tentacles apparently hears this,

[42:39] understands it, and says, no, you aren't.

[42:41] He frees one of his tentacles, grabs the captain,

[42:44] and places him in the lifeboat.

[42:46] I'll remind listeners that in real life, Captain Smith,

[42:48] the captain of the Titanic, was not saved

[42:49] by a giant octopus, but died along with 1,500 other people

[42:53] on board the ship.

[42:53] Putting him on an orca?

[42:55] Guys, I wanna reverse, and I should've said

[42:58] fight kraken with kraken, anyway.

[43:00] But yeah, we can just drop that in, you know,

[43:04] and then put like a little slide whistle afterwards.

[43:09] Yeah, let's do that, that's great.

[43:11] So anyway, so yeah.

[43:13] As it happened in real history,

[43:15] a giant octopus has saved the captain of the Titanic.

[43:19] Eventually, our heroes, they're like, here goes nothing.

[43:23] They jump off the bow of the now vertical ship.

[43:26] They fall, it must be 2,000 feet into the water.

[43:30] They're luckily saved by some whales.

[43:32] By morning, another ship shows up and rescues

[43:35] every single passenger from the Titanic.

[43:38] The ship that famously sunk,

[43:40] killing most of the people on it.

[43:42] But wait a minute, didn't Camembert die?

[43:45] Yes, that's true.

[43:46] Camembert, and also, oh, so Tom takes a moment

[43:50] to remember those who died saving them.

[43:51] He remembers Camembert, and also tentacles,

[43:53] who we see appears to have been crushed to death

[43:55] under the Titanic.

[43:57] Grieving fish show up and leave bouquets,

[43:59] but then we see one of tentacles' tentacles grab a bouquet,

[44:04] so.

[44:04] And Camembert shows up.

[44:06] He didn't die at all.

[44:07] Yeah, we'll get to that, we'll get to that.

[44:08] Spoiler alert, spoiler alert.

[44:10] The ship arrives in New York.

[44:11] A newsie announces that Maltravers and Rachel

[44:13] were the only ones not rescued,

[44:15] and we get a chilling, pun intended,

[44:18] glimpse of them rowing through a field of icebergs,

[44:20] waiting for death, waiting for inevitable death.

[44:23] Yeah.

[44:24] Which one, I assume they're gonna eat Jeffries

[44:25] at some point.

[44:26] It basically is like the start of the terroir.

[44:29] Yes, yeah.

[44:30] And not the start of the terroir,

[44:32] which is an important element in, you know,

[44:34] wine growing, things like that.

[44:35] Wine, yeah, anything can have terroir.

[44:38] Yeah, that's true.

[44:39] Just, yeah, anything.

[44:40] Jared Harris.

[44:41] Your hat.

[44:43] Yeah, so Elizabeth and Juan,

[44:47] they get married at St. Patrick's Cathedral.

[44:49] Tom and Stella get married as well.

[44:51] They have a mouse wedding.

[44:52] And one coach ride later over a horribly CGI

[44:55] Brooklyn bridge, a fleet of whales and dolphins

[44:57] arrive to reveal that Tentacles is still alive.

[45:00] Elizabeth gives Tentacles a kiss,

[45:02] and the captain says, Tentacles, you are a true hero.

[45:05] Again, in real life, a salute to the giant octopus.

[45:10] In real life, I'll remind you that captain

[45:11] at this point had died, had drowned to death,

[45:14] and was not around to salute a giant octopus

[45:17] for saving him.

[45:17] And that's when Camembert returns,

[45:20] no explanation given.

[45:22] Yeah, I'm sorry.

[45:23] I jumped the gun.

[45:24] I was just so excited.

[45:25] Camembert arrives,

[45:26] who knows what deal with Satan he made.

[45:28] I was just as excited as everyone else.

[45:30] I know, you were so excited

[45:32] to know that Camembert came back.

[45:33] I want to say too, also, when Tentacles shows up,

[45:37] he comes out of the water, like bulging.

[45:41] I was like, I literally said out loud, Jesus Christ,

[45:45] because he dwarfs the Brooklyn Bridge.

[45:48] Oh, he's enormous.

[45:49] It's just like the movie.

[45:50] He's a fucking kaiju.

[45:51] Yeah.

[45:52] It's it, isn't it, I think,

[45:54] that the movie with the giant octopus

[45:56] that Ray Harryhausen did the effects for us?

[45:58] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[45:58] Like, it looks like that.

[46:00] It looks scary.

[46:01] And everybody on the bridge is cheering

[46:02] when they should be so frightened

[46:03] this giant octopus shows up.

[46:05] I would say the saddest thing for me

[46:07] is that Tentacles did all this work,

[46:09] throwing those fucking icebergs around

[46:11] just so he could get Mr. Ice's hat.

[46:14] And he was so fucking happy to wear that hat.

[46:15] And then after all that shit happened,

[46:17] he couldn't wear the hat again.

[46:19] And that really sucks that it was like

[46:20] his love of that hat was colored by the tragedy.

[46:23] I forgot that was the prize that was awarded to him

[46:26] was the Ice's hat.

[46:27] You're right.

[46:28] That is the real tragedy of this,

[46:29] because again, in this movie,

[46:30] nobody except the bad guys died.

[46:32] And we have to assume that the captain

[46:34] also cried on the ship at some point

[46:35] into some magic moonbeams,

[46:36] and that's how he can talk to Tentacles.

[46:38] That's actually a really good point.

[46:40] But this is a movie where,

[46:42] this is a movie about the Titanic,

[46:44] where a mouse dies using his mustache

[46:48] to send a telegraph message for an SOS,

[46:50] and then shows up later totally alive with no explanation.

[46:54] The mouse orchestra plays,

[46:55] everyone dances, end of flashback.

[46:58] We are now back in modern day Mouse York.

[47:01] Grandpa Tom warns his grandkids that evil still exists

[47:04] and that whales are still hunted.

[47:06] And he's about to tell them,

[47:07] he's like, you must always remember,

[47:09] but Grandma Stella comes out, cuts him off,

[47:11] tells the kids to go get something to eat.

[47:12] She refers to her husband as Connors,

[47:14] his last name, which is weird.

[47:15] She goes, oh, Connors.

[47:16] And we pull back to the skyline again.

[47:19] Goodbye to our Titanic friends until the sequel.

[47:23] Guys, there's a sequel to this movie

[47:24] that came out five years later

[47:25] called In Search of the Titanic,

[47:27] which involves where Elizabeth, Juan, Tentacles,

[47:30] all our friends return

[47:31] and to meet a race of undersea merpeople,

[47:34] who I guess are living near the Titanic.

[47:36] God's honest truth, this is a real movie.

[47:38] I feel like we have to watch it at some point.

[47:41] Maybe sometime in the future we can.

[47:43] It almost auto-played on Tubi.

[47:46] Yeah, on Tubi.

[47:47] It immediately brought this up and I was like, what?

[47:48] But luckily you broke your television

[47:49] before it could happen.

[47:52] You pulled an Elvis Presley and shot it.

[47:56] The true legend of the Titanic,

[47:57] all that stuff about Jack, Rose,

[48:00] the heart of the sea necklace, all made up

[48:02] because in real life,

[48:03] the Titanic was the story of Elizabeth and Juan

[48:05] and some brave mice and a very easily duped

[48:08] giant octopus named Tentacles.

[48:10] Yeah.

[48:12] Hey, let's move on to giving our final judgments

[48:15] about this movie, whether it was a good, bad movie,

[48:17] a bad, bad movie, a movie we kind of liked.

[48:21] I want to say something.

[48:23] Say something.

[48:24] Go ahead, you've got the floor.

[48:26] We've had a lot of fun here today

[48:28] talking about The Legend of the Titanic.

[48:30] But I want to get real with you guys.

[48:32] Okay.

[48:33] Yeah, get super real.

[48:35] Much like the real story of The Legend of the Titanic,

[48:36] a movie based on reality.

[48:38] Oh wow, Dan's taking his shirt off.

[48:41] And the pants too.

[48:43] Oh wow.

[48:44] You know, I get-

[48:45] You're just thumping his chest like a gorilla.

[48:46] I overheat when I get emotional.

[48:48] Yeah.

[48:49] Look, I-

[48:49] Yeah, that's why you sweat out of your eyes, yeah.

[48:50] I have a lot of,

[48:51] I have a lot of,

[48:53] I have a lot of great things in my life, you know?

[48:56] I, yeah, I-

[48:56] It's just, this is already much deeper

[48:58] than I expected you to go in your final judgment

[49:00] for Legend of the Titanic.

[49:02] I have a lovely wife.

[49:03] I have a nice, you know-

[49:06] Two beautiful cats.

[49:07] A surprisingly affordable apartment

[49:09] for where we are in Brooklyn.

[49:11] I, you know, I've accomplished things.

[49:15] I have this podcast.

[49:17] You have like a little community and-

[49:18] I'll float during-

[49:19] You won an NAACP Image Award.

[49:21] It's true.

[49:22] As unlikely as it sounds,

[49:24] that's an actual thing that happened.

[49:27] So I know that,

[49:30] I know that I have a blessed life in many ways,

[49:32] but I've been feeling my fair share of ennui recently.

[49:37] Mm-hmm, yeah.

[49:39] Kind of has, also.

[49:40] You know, the industry that Elliot and I work in

[49:43] is a very uncertain place, the best of times,

[49:47] and now it feels like perhaps it's all falling apart

[49:51] in a larger way.

[49:52] Some very powerful people made some very stupid decisions.

[49:55] Now we have to pay the price.

[49:59] You know, this-

[50:00] This podcast, which I am very proud of,

[50:03] has a parasitic relationship to creativity.

[50:07] And sometimes I wish maybe I'm doing something

[50:09] with my life that's more forwardly creative.

[50:15] And I'm a 45-year-old man, you know,

[50:20] I'm dealing with midlife stuff.

[50:23] I look okay, I'm heavier than I would like to be.

[50:28] I have a lot of joint pains.

[50:29] Dan, you don't look a day over 55.

[50:32] Thank you.

[50:35] And just lately I felt like a little adrift.

[50:38] The world seems like a scary and horrifying place.

[50:43] Adrift, much like the Titanic,

[50:44] again, the subject of the movie.

[50:47] Seems like most of the country's groundwater is gone now

[50:50] in addition to a lot of other horrible things.

[50:52] I mean, I saw that newspaper article

[50:55] and I'm like, yeah, no shit, dude.

[50:56] People have been talking about this for 40 years,

[50:59] the loss of groundwater.

[51:01] Don't scare me about it now, we've known about it.

[51:04] My point is-

[51:05] Someone didn't read Cadillac Desert.

[51:07] Maybe I was in a depressive place

[51:09] when I watched The Legend of the Titanic

[51:12] and an already not great movie

[51:18] just felt like a chore to me.

[51:23] That's what I mean by saying we had a lot of fun.

[51:24] It is a fun movie to talk about.

[51:26] A lot of zany stuff happens in it,

[51:30] but the actual experience of watching it for me

[51:31] was a combination of dutifully rewinding parts of the movie

[51:37] to try and figure out what the heck was going on.

[51:39] Because I was like, well, I got to talk about this

[51:41] and it isn't acceptable how little of this

[51:44] is filtering into the, let's say,

[51:46] the groundwater of my brain.

[51:50] And anger at it when I didn't understand it.

[51:55] I just found this an unpleasant thing to watch overall,

[52:00] and I'm going to say it was bad, bad.

[52:02] It was a long road to get here,

[52:04] but the answer is bad, bad for me.

[52:07] Guys, when I was a little boy-

[52:09] Oh, wow.

[52:10] Oh, okay, great, good one.

[52:11] Yeah, let's do this.

[52:11] No, I'm just joking.

[52:12] When I started watching this movie,

[52:13] I watched like the first third of this movie.

[52:17] Shortly before, I started feeling the effects

[52:19] of food poisoning that hit me hours

[52:24] after getting home from a 10-hour flight.

[52:28] And I remember enjoying that first third.

[52:34] And then the second batch I watched

[52:37] after spending 36 hours in fever dreams

[52:41] and puking and shitting my guts out.

[52:43] And I started watching it again

[52:45] as soon as my eyes could focus on a screen of any kind.

[52:50] And you know what?

[52:52] I think this is a good, bad movie.

[52:53] I think it's like super dumb and wacky,

[52:56] and it's just as fun.

[52:59] I feel like it's like, yeah,

[53:01] you probably shouldn't pop it on by yourself

[53:03] in the dark moments of the night.

[53:05] But if you're hanging out with some friends

[53:07] and you want to watch a dumb, bad movie,

[53:08] this is a pretty fun one to laugh at.

[53:10] It's pretty silly.

[53:11] Yeah.

[53:12] I'm going to say good, bad.

[53:13] I agree with Stuart that I think it's a good, bad.

[53:15] I've also been going through some,

[53:17] tough, uncertain times right now.

[53:19] I have so much to be thankful for and feel blessed about.

[53:22] But at the same time, these are uncertain times.

[53:24] And I feel like I had the opposite experience with Dan,

[53:25] is that I started watching it and I was like,

[53:27] I'm really going to have to watch this piece of shit?

[53:30] And then about 20 minutes in, I was like,

[53:32] I can't wait to see what other dumb things

[53:35] this movie has in store for me.

[53:36] And by the end, when the captain of the Titanic

[53:38] was telling Tentacles, you're the real hero, Tentacles,

[53:41] I was like, movie, you cast a spell of crap on me.

[53:45] So yeah, I would also say this is a good, bad movie

[53:48] for watching with your friends.

[53:49] Just don't tell them what happens.

[53:51] Let them discover Camembert's death and resurrection.

[53:54] Guys, if I'm unfortunately, you know, God forbid,

[53:59] in a situation where I get to make a wish,

[54:02] it would be to, maybe it's because of magic

[54:06] or maybe, you know, because of some kind of malady.

[54:08] Some sort of wish master?

[54:10] I would wish to get to watch this movie again

[54:13] in the presence of James Cameron.

[54:15] And he would have to watch the whole thing with me.

[54:17] That would be very fun.

[54:19] Well, let's move on to, what do we call them?

[54:25] Sponsors, that's what they are.

[54:27] Sponsors, people who've been kind enough

[54:30] to, you know, sponsor the show.

[54:34] I got this first one because you know what?

[54:36] I was just away for a little bit and the one thing

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[55:27] That's a big deal.

[55:29] You love your cat and you want them

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[56:05] One last time for everybody in the back seats,

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[56:13] I was laughing at you saying,

[56:16] you know, the important thing about loving them

[56:18] is giving them food,

[56:19] but then I realized that honestly,

[56:21] the main way I express love

[56:23] is by cooking dinner for Audrey, so.

[56:27] I mean, cooking for a partner

[56:28] is part of my love language as well, Dan,

[56:30] so I understand.

[56:31] There's nothing, you know.

[56:33] Sometimes we laugh about stuff, guys.

[56:35] We do laugh about stuff sometimes.

[56:36] Sometimes we love about stuff

[56:38] and sometimes we live about stuff.

[56:40] Dan, do we have another sponsor?

[56:41] That's a love about stuff.

[56:42] And I love our next sponsor.

[56:44] It's called Tushy.

[56:46] The bathroom is the only place

[56:48] we get to escape real life.

[56:50] Don't I know it.

[56:51] It's time to upgrade.

[56:51] Yeah, because my bathroom is a magical wonderland

[56:54] where physics goes out the window

[56:55] and I can talk to flowers.

[56:57] Your body is a wonderland, Elliot.

[57:00] Oh, yeah.

[57:01] You don't know my body that well.

[57:02] It's more of a wasteland.

[57:04] In that it ends not with a bang,

[57:06] but with a whimper.

[57:08] And warlords fight over the precious juice.

[57:10] Good stuff.

[57:11] It's time to update that meditation closet.

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[57:32] You know what?

[57:33] I switched to the bidet lifestyle

[57:35] just because I love it.

[57:36] I switched to the bidet lifestyle

[57:37] just before the pandemic,

[57:38] not because of it.

[57:39] That's why you have that tattoo

[57:40] that says Bidet Life on your belly.

[57:42] Yeah, well, I mean.

[57:43] Should be over his booty.

[57:44] It was just a fortunate switch.

[57:46] But we don't know for certain

[57:46] where his booty is located.

[57:48] Yeah, he's been super unclear.

[57:49] He's been very, very cagey

[57:51] about where his butt and where his mouth are.

[57:53] We remember the early days of the pandemic

[57:55] where it was hard to get toilet paper.

[57:58] And I felt very fortunate to have a bidet for that reason.

[58:01] But I also just, I was like, why haven't,

[58:03] why didn't I do this?

[58:05] Getting a bidet made me think

[58:07] about all of the years that,

[58:09] for some reason,

[58:11] I had been sold the idea

[58:12] that just rubbing some dry paper

[58:16] on my butt was a sufficient thing to do.

[58:20] On one of the most sensitive parts of your body.

[58:23] Yeah, I mean, look,

[58:24] I'm not gonna disclose too much.

[58:25] It's one of the top 10 erogenous zones, guys.

[58:27] There were.

[58:28] Top 10.

[58:29] I hope it makes it into the top 10.

[58:31] Easy top 10.

[58:32] There were medical reasons

[58:34] why I was like,

[58:35] I can't keep abusing my butt like this.

[58:37] I was like, this is not a soft thing to do.

[58:41] Yeah, yeah.

[58:42] And I love having a bidet.

[58:43] I don't care.

[58:44] Yeah, you don't have to say goodbye to me.

[58:46] I'll say it.

[58:46] Not all of us can afford silk toilet paper.

[58:48] So the bidet is the way to go.

[58:49] Yeah.

[58:50] Hello Tushy Bidet cleans your bum

[58:52] with a fresh stream of water

[58:53] that is two times better than wiping

[58:55] and prevents poo particles

[58:58] from spreading to your hands

[58:59] and everything you touch.

[59:00] You don't want those.

[59:01] That's what makes Ant-Man shrink, right?

[59:02] That's poo particles.

[59:04] It attaches to your existing toilet,

[59:06] requires no electricity or additional plumbing,

[59:08] and comes with a 30-day risk-free guarantee

[59:11] and a 12-month warranty.

[59:14] Hey, look, I'm no handyman,

[59:17] but presuming your toilet is not angled

[59:20] in an inconvenient way,

[59:21] which sometimes happens,

[59:22] these things are very easy to attach.

[59:24] So it's always Labor Day for your butt,

[59:27] says this copy.

[59:29] Save 40% off all bidets and bundles

[59:32] by visiting hellotushy.com forward slash flop

[59:35] and using promo code flop.

[59:38] Sale in September 11th.

[59:39] That's hellotushy.com slash flop for 40% off.

[59:43] When I said that the number one thing I missed

[59:45] when I was on vacation was my kiddie boys,

[59:47] the number two thing was my tushy

[59:49] because that's essential.

[59:50] Mm-hmm.

[59:52] The bidet, you mean?

[59:53] Yeah, my tushy bidet.

[59:54] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[59:55] Not my, not my, you took it with you.

[59:57] Yeah, I took it with me.

[59:59] I tried to leave it.

[1:00:00] This is a real check-your-butt-at-the-door type movie.

[1:00:03] You leave your butt at home.

[1:00:04] At customs, they thought he was smuggling a couple of melons, but that was just his butt.

[1:00:10] I have been working on my squats and various other things, too.

[1:00:14] Anyway, in addition to butts, we also have some other things going on.

[1:00:19] If you are listening to this episode on the day of its release, September 9th,

[1:00:23] then tonight you can join us by watching Flop TV.

[1:00:27] That's right. Episode 2 of Flop TV, our one-hour streamlined flop show.

[1:00:32] It's September 9th, right?

[1:00:34] Mm-hmm.

[1:00:35] All right. We're going to be talking about Cool World.

[1:00:38] This is going to be a favorite where I think it's a long time coming.

[1:00:42] It's a movie that we've talked about a lot in passing.

[1:00:45] We've never given it the full flop treatment.

[1:00:47] That's tonight at 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern.

[1:00:51] I always put Pacific first because I live here, but I should say 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific.

[1:00:55] New York is the center of the world.

[1:00:57] Just go to theflophouse.simpletics.com.

[1:01:00] Again, that's theflophouse.simpletics.com to see us live giving a presentation on a subject of our choice.

[1:01:08] I believe it's Stuart who's doing the presentation this time.

[1:01:10] Oh, man. Do I have something special cooked up?

[1:01:13] Might want to tape over your webcam.

[1:01:17] Why?

[1:01:18] So they can't see him.

[1:01:20] Dan will be doing the summary.

[1:01:22] I'll just be kicking back, talking Cool World with him.

[1:01:24] If you can't watch us live, which is too bad.

[1:01:26] If you can watch us live, then you'll be able to submit questions for us to answer.

[1:01:29] But if you can't watch us live, your ticket gets you access to the video later.

[1:01:33] And all of these episodes, the videos will remain up on the site available to you through the run of the show.

[1:01:39] That's a new decision that we have made.

[1:01:41] Instead of a window where you have to watch the videos in, instead you will have six months to watch this show.

[1:01:47] It's one episode per month for six months, and you can always go back and catch the reruns if you miss one.

[1:01:51] So that's theflophouse.simpletics.com.

[1:01:53] Tonight we're talking Cool World.

[1:01:55] That's this month's episode.

[1:01:57] Hey, next month, in addition to another episode of Flop TV, we've also got live shows.

[1:02:03] That's right.

[1:02:04] If you're in the Los Angeles area, on Thursday, October 19th, we're going to be doing two shows in one night.

[1:02:09] Two different shows in one night at Vidiot's.

[1:02:12] That's right.

[1:02:13] Vidiot's, the legendary video store, now has a theater space.

[1:02:16] It's in eastern Los Angeles in the Eagle Rock neighborhood.

[1:02:18] And we're going to be doing two shows that night.

[1:02:20] The first show, Speed 2, Cruise Control.

[1:02:23] The second show, Three Men and a Baby.

[1:02:25] As Dan dubbed it, it's a night of numbers between one and four.

[1:02:28] That's October 19th.

[1:02:30] We haven't done a live show in L.A. in a while, and it's going to be fun.

[1:02:33] Vidiot's is a kind of intimate little space.

[1:02:36] It's a little smaller than our usual places that we play, so you'll be that much closer to us.

[1:02:40] You'll be able to see the pores on our face, and maybe we'll run up and down the aisles kissing everybody.

[1:02:45] Probably not.

[1:02:46] Don't scare anyone off.

[1:02:47] But it's possible.

[1:02:48] It's possible.

[1:02:49] We won't do it, but it's possible.

[1:02:50] So for that, go to—to learn more about that.

[1:02:54] Anything's possible.

[1:02:55] Anything's possible.

[1:02:56] Go to vidiotsfoundation.org, and that's vidiotsfoundation.org for tickets for our two Thursday, October 19th shows.

[1:03:03] And also tonight, join us on Flop TV, theflophouse.simpletics.com as we talk Cool World.

[1:03:09] Not the movie The Cool World, but the movie Cool World.

[1:03:12] Let's get that straight.

[1:03:13] This is the one about people having sex with cartoons.

[1:03:15] Mm-hmm.

[1:03:17] Somewhere in an alternate universe where Hollywood is smarter.

[1:03:25] And the Emmy nominees for Outstanding Comedy Series are Jet Pacula, Airport Marriott, Ruppel, Dear America, We've Seen You Naked, and Allah in the Family.

[1:03:42] In our stupid universe, you can't see any of these shows, but you can listen to them on Dead Pilot Society,

[1:03:50] the podcast that brings you hilarious comedy pilots that the networks and streamers bought but never made.

[1:03:57] Journey to the alternate television universe of Dead Pilot Society on MaximumFun.org.

[1:04:04] I'm Jesse Thorne.

[1:04:06] Bullseye is celebrating 50 years of hip hop by bringing you an entire month of brand new interviews with rappers.

[1:04:15] That means Jeezy.

[1:04:17] I put my pain in the music.

[1:04:19] Angie Stone.

[1:04:20] You know, hip hops. We called them hops back then.

[1:04:23] Master P.

[1:04:24] Music is what's going to open the doors for us, but whatever we come up with after this, it's going to be bigger.

[1:04:32] Plus, Chica, Saba, even the greatest of them all, Rakim.

[1:04:36] That's this September.

[1:04:38] Open up that podcast app, type in Bullseye, and hit subscribe.

[1:04:42] You're not going to want to miss any of this.

[1:04:46] Hey, here's a weird thing I'm going to try.

[1:04:49] So I put together a book proposal a little while back.

[1:04:54] I was working with a very nice agent.

[1:04:59] It was kind of flop adjacent.

[1:05:02] You know, funny stuff about trash culture.

[1:05:06] Send it out into the world.

[1:05:08] No one seemed that interested.

[1:05:10] I might publish it.

[1:05:11] I might self-publish it, finish it, and self-publish it because I already did a lot of work on these essays.

[1:05:19] I don't know.

[1:05:20] It seems like in this world, certainly someone who had a couple of Emmys for comedy writing and a semi-successful podcast.

[1:05:33] There's got to be some interest out there, right?

[1:05:35] So if you work in the publishing industry, maybe I just got it out to the wrong people.

[1:05:39] If this sounds interesting to you, I don't know.

[1:05:41] Maybe get in touch.

[1:05:42] It's a weird use of the podcast, I know.

[1:05:45] Very weird.

[1:05:46] But look, I need to diversify my career.

[1:05:50] As we said, the world is falling apart.

[1:05:53] If you think this is something you might like to see, a book you might want to read, and you work in a position that you want to take a look at it, ask me to take a look at it.

[1:06:03] That's all I'm saying.

[1:06:05] Dan, I'm going to take this weird borderline unethical thing that you're doing, and I'm going to piggyback on it because I think I might have mentioned in the past.

[1:06:13] I've written an unpublished novel that I don't think anyone wants to publish.

[1:06:16] It's a fantasy horror novel set in Hollywood in the 30s.

[1:06:19] You want to publish something like that, get in touch with Dan.

[1:06:21] Tell him that you don't want his book.

[1:06:23] I don't see why it's borderline unethical.

[1:06:25] All we're doing is cutting out the middle people who honestly also have a parasitical relationship to creativity.

[1:06:34] Wow.

[1:06:35] Now we're going into territory I cannot abide.

[1:06:38] So, Dan, what do we do next on this podcast?

[1:06:40] On this podcast, we also take a few letters from listeners.

[1:06:46] Like who?

[1:06:47] Like you.

[1:06:48] Me?

[1:06:49] The listener.

[1:06:50] Well, your hosts.

[1:06:52] You're not included in that.

[1:06:54] Oh, but I listen sometimes to you guys, but often I don't.

[1:06:57] I just talk and talk and talk.

[1:06:59] It would be weird if one of the hosts just wrote a bunch of letters to the podcast.

[1:07:02] You can write a letter to me anytime.

[1:07:04] One of the hosts will specify.

[1:07:07] Dear Dan, it was a little weird when you started asking people to look at your book.

[1:07:12] Love it.

[1:07:13] I don't think.

[1:07:14] Keep up the great work.

[1:07:15] I think it's an acceptable one-time use of the podcast.

[1:07:19] Sure, sure, one-time use.

[1:07:21] I'm going to ask whether anyone is interested.

[1:07:24] This letter is from Jeff, last name withheld.

[1:07:27] Jeff Bridges.

[1:07:28] Who writes, I was recently diagnosed as having type 2 diabetes, so I decided to lose some weight.

[1:07:35] Toward that end, I bought a cheap secondhand treadmill and have been watching movies on my tablet as I walk for hours in my basement.

[1:07:43] Today, I watched the 2020 Donnie Yen action comedy movie, Enter the Fat Dragon.

[1:07:49] I figured I'd watch some fantastic action sequences and endure some fat-shaming jokes as I wiled away the cardio hours.

[1:07:56] To my surprise, the action and comedy were there, and while Donnie Yen spends two-thirds of the movie in a fat suit, his weight in and of itself isn't the butt of the joke.

[1:08:04] Sure, it's odd to see Yen running around Tokyo carrying the extra pounds, but his fighting and movement remain a highlight.

[1:08:10] It's actually pretty body positive for the most part.

[1:08:13] Do you remember a time when you assumed a movie would go for the easy joke but then went in a different, better direction?

[1:08:20] By the way, Enter the Fat Dragon is available for free on Tubi and Hoopla.

[1:08:24] I was very pleasantly surprised.

[1:08:26] Love the show.

[1:08:27] Jeff, last name withheld.

[1:08:30] Before I think deeper onto this question, I will say on a similar note, as soon as I saw promo shots of Scott Adkins for the new John Wick movie where he also plays a character in a fat suit, I was like, oh no, this is going to be terrible.

[1:08:45] But they actually don't spend too much time – they don't really play on the idea that he is large.

[1:08:53] How about – do they play on the idea that he's in charge?

[1:08:56] Of course they do.

[1:08:59] I thought Charles was in charge.

[1:09:02] Only of our days and our nights.

[1:09:04] Wait, that's all the time.

[1:09:05] That covers it all.

[1:09:06] But yeah, and then in that fat suit he does get in a good fight with John Wick in a scene that's basically like a Street Fighter level and it's fun.

[1:09:17] This is a very good question that I should have thought more about considering that I'm the person with the most exposure to the letters ahead of time.

[1:09:25] I'll tell you that I – it's hard for me to think of a movie off the top of my head.

[1:09:29] I'm sure there are, but I will say that lately my kids have been super obsessed with the Dogman series of books by Dave Pilkey, and there's a fair amount of potty humor in it and a fair amount of dumb humor in it.

[1:09:41] But that's one where I was surprised at how often there will be a certain amount of toilet humor and then it will swerve away from that at some point.

[1:09:48] And those books start out just kind of being dumb fun for kids, and they – more and more of each book as it goes on involves the characters talking about the redemptive power of love.

[1:09:58] And so I'm like, oh, this is not what I expected.

[1:10:00] So that's a book version of the same thing, where those volumes more and more are less

[1:10:04] about jokes about poop or people being covered in pee, and more and more about the characters

[1:10:09] having to make choices.

[1:10:10] So I'm like, okay, I appreciate that.

[1:10:12] But those are books, not movies, I don't know what to tell you.

[1:10:15] Books are like movies that you don't watch, but you read.

[1:10:17] And you can't hear them, unless you look on tape, which is like a movie in your mind.

[1:10:21] Continue.

[1:10:22] And your mind is the biggest erogenous zone.

[1:10:26] The thing that leaps to-

[1:10:27] And the smallest screen.

[1:10:29] Mind is that I really-

[1:10:32] Your biggest erogenous zone.

[1:10:35] Now, since we don't know where your butt or your mouth are located on your body.

[1:10:40] Oh, boy.

[1:10:41] My butt's where my butt goes.

[1:10:44] And where is that, Dan?

[1:10:45] Where is that?

[1:10:46] At the top of my legs.

[1:10:47] Just where the butt goes.

[1:10:49] Between my legs and my torso.

[1:10:51] I mentioned Dan, yeah, Dan is putting together a skeletal, he goes, the butt bone goes where

[1:10:56] the butt goes.

[1:10:58] And he's like, I don't even know what butt, what bone this is.

[1:11:01] So Dan, what leaps to mind?

[1:11:04] I just liked it in Booksmart, where the whole setup of the movie is that these two, you

[1:11:10] know, people who think they've made this choice to be like, we're the responsible ones, we're

[1:11:15] going to go to the good schools or whatever.

[1:11:19] Everyone else at their school who a normal movie would dismiss as like, the stereotype

[1:11:24] is like, oh, these partying people, you know, can't also be, you know, successful.

[1:11:32] Like the movie is like, no, no, like, either through like them actually being smart or

[1:11:37] I, you know, one implies maybe like, or infers from the fact that they're at this like fancy

[1:11:44] school like they just have connections like they're all also going to good schools and

[1:11:48] these people have sort of artificially limited their own social life through the choices

[1:11:57] they have made.

[1:11:58] Like, they're not ostracized nerds, necessarily.

[1:12:02] They are people who have chosen to like, not socialize and and missed out because of it.

[1:12:09] And I think that that's a fun subversion of like the normal high school.

[1:12:13] Yeah, just because the popular kids are popular doesn't mean that they aren't like studious

[1:12:18] and hardworking.

[1:12:19] Yes, exactly.

[1:12:20] Yeah.

[1:12:21] I like I like a movie that takes the brave stance of being pro popular kid and anti anti

[1:12:25] nerd.

[1:12:26] You're still stuck.

[1:12:27] He's going to get that chip off his shoulder someday.

[1:12:29] Yeah.

[1:12:30] Yeah.

[1:12:31] So let's move on.

[1:12:32] This is from Patrick.

[1:12:33] Last name withheld.

[1:12:34] Who writes Patrick O'Brien of the Aubrey Maturin novels.

[1:12:36] Oh, my God.

[1:12:37] Tell him I love it.

[1:12:38] Do you like books with a lot of sales?

[1:12:41] Motherfucker.

[1:12:42] Patrick specifies that this is Patrick from the original cast podcast.

[1:12:47] Oh, OK.

[1:12:48] Not Patrick O'Brien of the late Stuart, did you ever do that show or was it just Elliot

[1:12:52] and I?

[1:12:53] I think it was just you guys.

[1:12:54] Oh, that's fine.

[1:12:55] That's what about musicals or it is about musicals.

[1:12:57] I can see why I might not be invited.

[1:13:00] You love musicals, though.

[1:13:01] You could.

[1:13:02] I do love musicals.

[1:13:03] But, you know, sometimes just people stereotype me as like a cool, popular hunk and not.

[1:13:07] Right.

[1:13:08] Right.

[1:13:09] Right.

[1:13:10] Musicals and not a nerd like Elliot and me.

[1:13:11] Exactly.

[1:13:12] Um, your Black Adam discussion about how to do exposition dumps and audience confusion

[1:13:17] reminded me of one of the most confounding movie theater experiences of my life.

[1:13:20] Oh, I want to hear about it.

[1:13:22] My dad and I went to see Skyfall on opening weekend.

[1:13:25] If you recall, the film opens with a shot of a hallway and then a figure appears at

[1:13:29] the end of said hallway out of focus and accompanied by a horn staying on the score.

[1:13:34] You should have called it Sky Hall brand.

[1:13:39] The moment this happened, the person next to me turned to the person there with and

[1:13:42] said, who's that?

[1:13:45] The movie was 10 seconds in.

[1:13:46] We all had the same amount of information.

[1:13:49] These people have been their seats since before the trailers began.

[1:13:52] Did this person want a chyron to appear with the words James Bond and an arrow pointed

[1:13:57] pointing to Daniel Craig?

[1:13:59] Which brings me to my question.

[1:14:01] What is the moment in the film that others found confusing that you thought made perfect

[1:14:04] sense?

[1:14:05] Patrick, last name withheld.

[1:14:07] Thank you.

[1:14:09] Before you answer that question, I want to mention that is the opposite of the situation

[1:14:11] I think I've talked about before at some point where I was watching the movie My Architect

[1:14:15] at the film forum in the middle of the day and it's just old people in the audience and

[1:14:18] the architect I am pay is talking on screen and then his name comes up on screen.

[1:14:23] I am pay and then fades away and about 10 seconds after his name fade away, a woman

[1:14:27] turned her husband said, that's I am pay the opposite experience was like, yeah, we all

[1:14:33] have that information.

[1:14:34] We know it.

[1:14:35] Thank you.

[1:14:36] Yeah.

[1:14:37] Yeah.

[1:14:38] Thanks for pointing that out.

[1:14:39] Stuff that we thought was, I mean, I feel like there's a lot of like times in the past.

[1:14:49] I know that there are times in the past where I've been like to snide in my own head, like

[1:14:55] people thought this was confusing.

[1:14:56] I thought this was like obvious, but I'm having trouble.

[1:15:00] I feel like it happens to me with with certain types of science fiction or fantasy movies

[1:15:05] like time travel movies.

[1:15:07] A lot of time people are like, oh boy, I couldn't I couldn't wrap my noodle around that one

[1:15:12] where it like something like like you've got your Christopher Nolan time travel movies

[1:15:16] like Interstellar and Tenet where it's like, all right, yeah, I see what he's doing here.

[1:15:19] Like you kind of if you've seen time travel stories, you kind of know ahead of time what

[1:15:23] he's doing.

[1:15:24] Yeah.

[1:15:25] But to your regular audience that hasn't read a lot of time travel stuff, I guess they're

[1:15:28] like, hold on a second.

[1:15:30] But also this story reminds me of going to see The Matrix with my dad and having to spend

[1:15:36] about as long as the length of the movie explaining to him how it works, like why he's like so

[1:15:40] Neo is special and that's how he can be in both The Matrix and the real world.

[1:15:44] And I'm like, no, no, no.

[1:15:45] Everyone's in The Matrix in the real world, like The Matrix just happening in the computer

[1:15:48] and, you know, in people's heads basically.

[1:15:49] And he's like, oh, OK, OK.

[1:15:52] So in their heads, they're all in those tubes.

[1:15:54] No, that's the real world.

[1:15:55] Hold on a second.

[1:15:57] So it was sometimes people just can't grasp it.

[1:16:00] There's movies like there's a movie like The Fountain, which I remember made a lot of sense

[1:16:03] to me when I saw it.

[1:16:04] I think it's been baffling to other audiences because it's more it's operating on an emotional

[1:16:10] level more than it is on a story level.

[1:16:11] I think that that's that stuff like.

[1:16:14] And also because a lot of the story was supposed to be told in other medium that media that

[1:16:17] didn't come out.

[1:16:18] Yeah.

[1:16:19] But that's often the thing that sort of confuses me just because it's like a different way

[1:16:25] of looking at stories.

[1:16:27] Like there are stories that.

[1:16:29] You know, there's stuff that happens in it that mostly makes sense on a metaphorical

[1:16:33] level or.

[1:16:34] Yeah.

[1:16:35] Yeah.

[1:16:36] Maybe doesn't need to be like understood.

[1:16:42] Like literally.

[1:16:43] And I think that like in life, it's not like I'm not a practical person, but that never

[1:16:49] bothers me.

[1:16:50] I'm like, why do you need a literal explanation for all that happens in art?

[1:16:54] Like, why does it have to be like, you know, why can't it just be both?

[1:16:58] Yeah.

[1:16:59] It's like, I don't know if this is the question, but like, yeah, I think more often than dealing

[1:17:05] with people like not getting it in the in like the literal sense, it's more often just

[1:17:10] like a general lack of media literacy where people just just take the complete wrong message

[1:17:17] from a movie, whether it's like watching Fight Club and being like, yeah, we should be starting

[1:17:21] Fight Clubs.

[1:17:22] Right.

[1:17:23] What are you talking about, dude?

[1:17:24] Yeah, I think that is I think it's it's that's I think you're exactly right, Stuart.

[1:17:28] It's like that kind of media literacy where people don't always know how to read should

[1:17:31] all become wolves of Wall Street.

[1:17:33] Yeah.

[1:17:34] And also the kind of media literacy that is like what I'm saying with the time travel

[1:17:37] thing where often movies are playing off of preexisting either tropes or whatever or stories.

[1:17:44] And if you're not familiar with that stuff, then sometimes it can it can be hard for you

[1:17:48] to ingest it.

[1:17:49] But I think you're right that people often they want to take movies as literally as possible

[1:17:54] what Dan what you're saying and what you're saying and it becomes a barrier for them in

[1:17:59] movies that are meant to be either read into or understood or thought about or are trying

[1:18:06] to get at a more powerful message because it's not just stating it outright, you know,

[1:18:10] but is making you ponder on it.

[1:18:12] But at the same time, treating it like it's just content that you're supposed to ingest.

[1:18:16] And it's almost it's like almost the same as like news.

[1:18:19] Like you're ingesting these facts, you're ingesting these like plot points.

[1:18:22] Well, it's like how people will be like, I don't have to read that book.

[1:18:25] I read like a summary of the of the plot of the book.

[1:18:27] And it's like, well, the experience of reading a book is not just to get that you know what

[1:18:31] happened in the story, the experience is to experience it, to feel it, you know, to live

[1:18:35] it that way.

[1:18:36] Yeah.

[1:18:37] I mean, I know that this probably sounds insufferably snobby on many levels.

[1:18:42] Let's hear it.

[1:18:43] No, no, no.

[1:18:44] I'm just I do like I already told us that you have an unpublished book of essays about

[1:18:47] pop culture.

[1:18:48] So just tell us what you can say.

[1:18:50] Yeah.

[1:18:51] I wonder why the publishing world didn't that didn't set the world ablaze.

[1:18:57] Another comedian with humorous essays anyway, but still get in touch with me.

[1:19:04] But I know I we've been derailed so long that I can't remember what I was thinking.

[1:19:12] You were afraid of sounding snobby.

[1:19:13] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1:19:14] I'm afraid of sounding snobby, but like or old and crotchety.

[1:19:18] But like, I'm not usually one to wring my hands about the state of culture.

[1:19:26] I think that a lot of times like that, you know, people like look at things with rose

[1:19:30] colored glasses, nostalgia, Bono, certainly, yeah, that's all he wears sewer when he came

[1:19:38] in today.

[1:19:39] But I do feel like TV is the way that the media diet has become so homogenized, where

[1:19:56] it is like certain types of movies get made.

[1:20:00] to hold your hand about what's going on,

[1:20:04] that the depth and breadth of the types of stories

[1:20:09] that can be told do get squeezed,

[1:20:13] not only in the marketplace, but in people's minds.

[1:20:17] I think that people get used

[1:20:18] to a certain kind of storytelling,

[1:20:20] which leads them to believe

[1:20:21] that that's the only kind of storytelling,

[1:20:23] and reject things that are outside of that storytelling

[1:20:27] as bad rather than as something

[1:20:29] that's trying something different.

[1:20:32] And I find that kind of distressing.

[1:20:34] Like, I mean, maybe I'm just poisoned

[1:20:38] by being online too much

[1:20:41] and seeing too much of the idiots of the world, but-

[1:20:45] You know, but-

[1:20:46] It's probably true.

[1:20:47] That's factually true.

[1:20:49] But you're right that there's a,

[1:20:52] I'm gonna lay it on the feet of the corporations

[1:20:54] that have consolidated

[1:20:55] and control much of American media,

[1:20:57] that there's a lack of variety in the material

[1:21:01] that they create and put out for people.

[1:21:04] And Ezra, I think you're right

[1:21:05] that there becomes this feeling

[1:21:06] among a certain type of audience member

[1:21:08] that there are rules that art has to follow

[1:21:10] in order to be good.

[1:21:12] And it's like those videos that made me so mad

[1:21:14] where they're like, every movie is the same movie.

[1:21:17] We looked at Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and The Fugitive,

[1:21:20] and we can prove to you every movie is the same movie.

[1:21:22] And it's like, so those are your three points

[1:21:24] on the compass of film is just those,

[1:21:26] like, there's no movies that are not Star Wars

[1:21:28] or Indiana Jones, The Fugitive, or Die Hard

[1:21:30] or something like that.

[1:21:31] Like, there's, because it's very frustrating.

[1:21:33] Three movies starring the same man

[1:21:35] have startling similarities.

[1:21:39] They're all the same movie.

[1:21:41] It always makes me mad.

[1:21:42] I'm like, yeah, you're right.

[1:21:43] Let's apply those theories to, you're right.

[1:21:44] Last Year at Merriam-Badd is the same movie as this.

[1:21:46] And, you know, Hiroshima Monomore, same movie.

[1:21:49] They're all the same story.

[1:21:49] You're right.

[1:21:52] But you're right, Dan.

[1:21:52] These avant-garde shorts.

[1:21:55] And it's a Stan Brakhage,

[1:21:57] just let's apply some story circles to them.

[1:21:59] But I think you're right, Dan.

[1:22:01] And you're right, Stu.

[1:22:02] I think we've raised a lot of interesting points.

[1:22:04] They're not necessarily funny or entertaining,

[1:22:06] but are interesting and funny.

[1:22:08] So we got one of the four sort of podcast quadrants.

[1:22:16] Hey, let's recommend some things that we liked.

[1:22:21] Maybe it would be a better use of your time.

[1:22:23] Again, we've been steering away

[1:22:25] from doing as many current recommendations

[1:22:29] because of the strike.

[1:22:31] I'm gonna recommend something that is far from Hollywood

[1:22:36] because it was a 16 or probably super eight short.

[1:22:40] Yeah, super eight short shot by a bunch of teens in 1989.

[1:22:46] It's called a Dr. Death.

[1:22:48] It was directed by Webster Colcord,

[1:22:50] who I was impressed by the super eight short

[1:22:54] and was gratified to see that he went on

[1:22:57] to be a special effects artist

[1:22:59] for a bunch of major motion pictures.

[1:23:04] So he had a career in the industry or has one,

[1:23:07] presumably still going.

[1:23:10] But in 1989, he made this super eight short

[1:23:13] with a bunch of his teenage friends.

[1:23:16] And it's essentially kind of their take

[1:23:18] on a Mad Max post-apocalyptic world

[1:23:23] where Dr. Death, the titular Dr. Death

[1:23:26] is riding around in a school bus

[1:23:29] and there's like legit car chases

[1:23:32] in the super eight movie that these kids made.

[1:23:34] It is a very kinetic movie.

[1:23:39] There's like a moment of claymation

[1:23:41] and there's a thanks to the Will Vinton Studios.

[1:23:43] I guess this kid like worked there at some point.

[1:23:47] Anyway, it's just one of these things

[1:23:49] where there is, I don't know.

[1:23:53] I don't know if you're like me.

[1:23:54] I kind of grade entertainment on a curve sometimes.

[1:23:56] And if it's done by like kids with access

[1:24:01] to like so few actual resources,

[1:24:05] the degree to which this hits the mark

[1:24:08] and is entertaining and so much more fun

[1:24:10] than stuff done by quote unquote professionals

[1:24:15] makes me love it all the more knowing

[1:24:18] that like, ah, it's just these kids fucking around

[1:24:20] but they're doing like a really good job doing it.

[1:24:22] And I think you can find this short on Vimeo.

[1:24:25] Maybe not under the same name.

[1:24:28] I forget there's like another name

[1:24:29] you can sometimes find it under

[1:24:30] but Webster Colcord is the director.

[1:24:32] So you should be able to dig this up online.

[1:24:36] I'm gonna recommend an older movie.

[1:24:39] I'm still going through my journey

[1:24:41] of watching old Brian De Palma movies.

[1:24:43] And I just watched on my flight back.

[1:24:45] I watched Blowout, what from 1981, I think.

[1:24:49] Starring Mr. Jonathan Travolta.

[1:24:52] That's right, Bolt himself.

[1:24:55] And it, yeah, it's about a sound engineer

[1:24:58] who gets in over his head when he's looking

[1:25:01] for some sounds for his sound library.

[1:25:04] I mean, what's a new sound?

[1:25:05] Isn't that new sound he's been looking for?

[1:25:07] Isn't that sound?

[1:25:08] It's of a car crashing.

[1:25:09] Now, and he gets involved

[1:25:11] in a kind of a murder mystery conspiracy.

[1:25:14] And it is that kind of, like, it reminds me a little bit

[1:25:17] of, you know, it's got a little bit of that

[1:25:18] like De Palma, like Giallo-esque stuff from that era.

[1:25:22] And it also has a little bit of the

[1:25:25] like 70s thriller thing where you have people

[1:25:30] like it gets really into the guts

[1:25:32] of like practical occupations

[1:25:33] whether it's something like Thief

[1:25:35] or To Live and Die in LA, where you're

[1:25:38] like watching a professional

[1:25:40] in a very specific career do his thing

[1:25:43] which I found really cool.

[1:25:45] Plus it's a very good Philadelphia movie, which is great.

[1:25:48] Dennis Franz is in it.

[1:25:49] So, you know, it's a De Palma movie.

[1:25:52] And it also has like one of the four, you know

[1:25:57] some of the other ones I'd watched are like, are fun

[1:26:00] and like kind of sleazy and also a little bit scary.

[1:26:05] And also stylish.

[1:26:06] This one has dials down some of that a little bit

[1:26:09] but it actually is a super emotional ending.

[1:26:11] I found the ending really like really sad and touching

[1:26:15] and also kind of ties everything together.

[1:26:18] So if you're looking for something like that

[1:26:21] I'd check out Trackdown Blowout.

[1:26:23] Yeah, I think that's one of his best.

[1:26:25] I'm going to recommend two movies.

[1:26:27] That's right, two movies.

[1:26:28] It's a while since I've recommended two

[1:26:30] but I recently saw two movies that, I don't know

[1:26:32] kind of like an interesting double feature.

[1:26:34] They're both kind of supernatural romances in a way

[1:26:39] but one is very funny.

[1:26:40] And the other one I found very moving and poignant.

[1:26:43] The funny one I'll start with, this is, you know, it's me.

[1:26:46] So it's gotta be Czech.

[1:26:47] It's a Czech new wave movie from 1970

[1:26:49] that it appears to be under a bunch of different titles.

[1:26:52] I saw it under the title, The Murder of Mr. Devil

[1:26:54] but it's also called Killing the Devil.

[1:26:56] And this is the only movie directed by Esther Khromachova

[1:26:59] who was one of the writers on the movie Daisies

[1:27:02] and on the movie report on the party and the guests.

[1:27:04] So she was a major Czech new wave person

[1:27:06] but she only directed this one movie.

[1:27:07] And it is all about,

[1:27:10] there's only, there's really only two main characters in it.

[1:27:13] This woman who is desperate to land a husband

[1:27:15] and just has decided that this guy

[1:27:18] who is selfish and disgusting

[1:27:20] and only interested in eating things

[1:27:22] and what food she can make him

[1:27:23] that she's got to land him as a husband.

[1:27:25] And he is also the devil or a devil.

[1:27:28] And every now and then we'll just show off

[1:27:30] supernatural powers to win arguments or things like that.

[1:27:33] But it's a very, I thought it was a really funny movie.

[1:27:36] It's very brightly colored.

[1:27:38] It's got this weird kind of like 60s

[1:27:39] kind of colorful pop feel to it.

[1:27:44] But there'd be scenes where like she catches him

[1:27:46] chewing on the legs of her table.

[1:27:48] She gets very mad because he's always constantly eating.

[1:27:50] And I thought it was really funny.

[1:27:52] It was a funny take on women and men similarly.

[1:27:57] Here's a supernatural romance that is not a comedy

[1:27:59] but instead a movie about yearning.

[1:28:01] This is the movie Rouge from 1988.

[1:28:03] It's a Hong Kong movie starring Anita Mui

[1:28:06] and directed by Stanley Kwan

[1:28:08] where this woman is a very high class prostitute

[1:28:12] in the 1930s who has been in a suicide pact with her lover,

[1:28:16] a rich young man who his family

[1:28:18] won't allow them to get married.

[1:28:19] And now it's the 80s and she has come back as a ghost

[1:28:22] to find out why he never joined her in hell.

[1:28:25] And she meets up with this reporter

[1:28:28] and the reporter's girlfriend who's also a reporter

[1:28:30] and has them help her.

[1:28:31] And it sounds like it could be a setup for a horror movie

[1:28:34] or it could be set up for a comedy.

[1:28:35] But instead it's a setup for like a real,

[1:28:37] like a movie about romance and about love

[1:28:40] and about kind of sensual yearning and things like that.

[1:28:45] And I found it really beautiful.

[1:28:46] So those are two movies that are both

[1:28:49] about love and fantasy aspects.

[1:28:52] One of them is kind of silly

[1:28:54] and the other one might make you cry a little bit.

[1:28:56] And so the one that might make you cry a little bit

[1:28:58] is Rouge and the one that's a little silly

[1:29:00] is Killing Mr. Devil or the Murder of Mr. Devil

[1:29:03] or I don't know how to accurately translate the title,

[1:29:06] but they're both good.

[1:29:07] Check them out, won't you?

[1:29:09] Check them out.

[1:29:11] Okay, well, this has been an episode of The Flop House.

[1:29:17] Yeah.

[1:29:18] A podcast that is on the Maximum Fun Network.

[1:29:20] Go over to maximumfun.org.

[1:29:22] Check out the other podcasts they have there.

[1:29:26] I listen to several of those shows myself.

[1:29:29] They're full of good, funny shows, good, informative shows.

[1:29:35] Take a look.

[1:29:36] I'm sure you'll like at least one of them.

[1:29:39] We're also produced by Alex Smith

[1:29:42] who edits, makes us sound good.

[1:29:45] He has a lot of great stuff online

[1:29:48] under the name HowlDotty.

[1:29:51] He has his own podcast called Fast Track you could check out.

[1:29:56] I wanna say, if you have the time,

[1:29:58] maybe consider leaving.

[1:30:00] us a five-star review over at iTunes or elsewhere,

[1:30:05] but iTunes is the easiest place to leave us a good review.

[1:30:09] It really does help us if you like the show

[1:30:12] and you wanna just give us a little help.

[1:30:17] If you don't like the show, maybe consider not buying

[1:30:19] the time to write a review and think about,

[1:30:24] is it really worth hurting three strangers?

[1:30:29] Is your feeling about the show worth the time

[1:30:32] that you've put into that review?

[1:30:32] Why not use that time to promote something you do like?

[1:30:35] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:30:38] And just thank you for listening.

[1:30:40] For The Flop House, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:30:42] I've been Stuart Wellington,

[1:30:43] and I hope to see some of you tonight on Flop TV.

[1:30:47] I'm Elliot Kalen saying the same thing.

[1:30:50] Flop TV, it's tonight, we hope to see you,

[1:30:52] and maybe on October 19th in Los Angeles.

[1:30:55] Until then, I'm Elliot Kalen.

[1:30:58] Bye.

[1:30:59] Bye.

[1:31:01] Rrrr.

[1:31:02] Rrrr.

[1:31:03] It just keeps getting longer.

[1:31:04] Rrrr.

[1:31:05] Rrrr.

[1:31:06] Rrrr.

[1:31:08] On this episode we discuss The Legend of the Titanic.

[1:31:12] Directed by Ayo Miyazaki?

[1:31:14] Ayo Miyazaki.

[1:31:18] Slander.

[1:31:20] Okay.

[1:31:21] Let's move it along.

[1:31:22] One of those will be good.

[1:31:23] One of those is good.

[1:31:24] Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah.

[1:31:25] I'll figure it out.

[1:31:26] You got good taste, don't you?

[1:31:28] Well, Alex, you should know that Stuart laughed

[1:31:31] and made a face when I said that.

[1:31:33] So, you know which side your bread is buttered on

[1:31:36] between the two of us.

[1:31:37] Oh man, I butter his bread any time he wants.

[1:31:40] And this guy.

[1:31:42] Maximum fun.

[1:31:43] A worker-owned network.

[1:31:44] Of artist-owned shows.

[1:31:46] Supported directly by you.

Ep.#404 - The Legend of the Titanic

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