FH Mini 89 - Screen Gems

[0:00] Hello, everybody. Welcome to a Flophouse Mini. I want to apologize ahead of time. This is

Elliott Kalan

[0:07] your co-host, Elliot Kalin. I have a bit of a cough, so you may hear me coughing in this

[0:12] episode. I can't wait to introduce my co-hosts on this episode, Daniel McCoy and Stuart Wellington.

[0:17] But first, I wanted to make a brief mention about something I'm going to tell you about

[0:19] more later. We had a great show on September 9th, Saturday, where we talked about Cool

[0:24] World on video in front of the audience. You can still watch that show even if you missed

[0:28] it on September 9th. I'll explain later in the show how you can do that. And we're doing

[0:32] two live shows in person in front of human beings in a room at Vidiot's in LA on October

[0:38] 19th. I'll tell you more about that later in the show. But first, I mentioned them already.

[0:43] I teased them, and I like to tease these guys. They're very teased of all. Here are my co-hosts.

Dan McCoy

[0:47] Guys, introduce yourselves for reals. I'm Dan McCoy, teased like some 80s hair.

Stuart Wellington

[0:54] I'm Stuart Wellington, pleased by all this teasing.

Elliott Kalan

[0:57] That's great. Now, I wish the mini was about teasing, but it is not. So everybody, this is

[1:03] a Flophouse mini episode. What does that mean? It's a little bit shorter than our regular episodes,

[1:06] although occasionally longer. And instead of watching a bad movie and then talking about

[1:09] it, we're going to be talking about some other thing. Often it's a game that we play with each

[1:15] other, and that's what it's going to be tonight. Because guys, I don't know if you know this,

[1:19] but Dan and I are on strike. Strike from our jobs. And when I hear the word strike, I think just one

[1:25] thing. That's right. Striking it rich. Oil, gold, diamonds, mineral wealth. Mother Earth is just full

[1:32] of valuable junk. And all we have to do is dig that shit right out of her. So that means we're going to...

Dan McCoy

[1:39] You sound like you're like Matthew Lesko being like, the Earth is just giving money away.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46] Did you know there's lots of free money under the ground? Which means it's time to celebrate that

[1:51] mineral bounty with another episode of everyone's favorite valuable resources-based movie podcast

[1:56] quiz show, Screen Gems, also known as There's Gold in Them Nar Films.

[2:02] He he he he. Love all of it.

[2:04] We'll be rich, I tell you. Rich.

[2:06] Oh no.

Dan McCoy

[2:07] Stuart is putting his hands to his head in dismay, and I can't love it more.

Elliott Kalan

[2:12] Screen Gems, as always, is brought to you by Questionable Eddie's Last Minute Idea Warehouse.

[2:17] Questionable Eddie's, when you just realized you need a topic for tomorrow's mini episode.

[2:22] And it's also brought to you by the Entertainment Community Fund. If you'd like to support striking

[2:26] entertainment workers or workers affected by the ongoing strike in the entertainment industry,

[2:30] please consider donating to the TV and Film Fund at entertainmentcommunity.org.

[2:35] But that's enough serious stuff. Let's get to the goofy, dumb stuff.

[2:38] Guys, are you ready for a big quiz about big wealth?

Stuart Wellington

[2:43] Big yes.

[2:43] Yeah, as long as it's big.

[2:45] Sounds like big fun.

Elliott Kalan

[2:47] It's going to be big fun, not bit fun. That would be if this was a game about Bitcoin.

[2:51] It is not. This is instead a game about natural wealth.

[2:54] The things that, you know, guys, there's a lot of fake currencies out there.

[2:57] These cryptocurrencies, which are, it's value based on nothing.

[3:00] Whereas the value of these things is real and natural, and it's based on the fact that it is shiny.

Dan McCoy

[3:06] That's true.

Stuart Wellington

[3:07] How shiny is a Bitcoin, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[3:09] Well, it's as shiny as you want it to be.

Elliott Kalan

[3:13] That sounds like a Zen coin that's meant to clear your mind.

[3:16] Your Zen master goes, tell me this, student.

[3:19] How shiny is a Bitcoin?

[3:20] And you're like, oh, I don't know.

[3:23] Just a bit.

[3:24] Just a bit.

[3:25] Just a bit shiny.

[3:26] Well, guys, are you ready for round one?

[3:27] I couldn't be more ready.

[3:29] Yeah.

[3:29] Okay.

[3:30] Round one of Screen Gems is called Treasure of the Sierra Movie.

[3:34] I'm going to name a movie, and you're going to tell me what is the valuable stone or element or thing.

[3:41] What's the valuable thing that the characters in the movie are all chasing around and looking for?

[3:45] Love it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:46] I got you.

[3:47] I'm going to break your game wide open.

[3:49] It's a MacGuffin.

[3:51] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[3:52] I guess in a way you kind of just won completely.

[3:55] That's true.

[3:56] All right.

Dan McCoy

[3:56] I can go for an egg MacGuffin right about now.

Stuart Wellington

[3:59] Can I be captain of the Enterprise now?

Elliott Kalan

[4:03] Is that how that works?

[4:04] You won the Kobi Aishu Meru.

[4:05] Yeah, you broke the game.

[4:08] You're now the greatest hero in the world.

[4:11] Is it that he went in and recoded the test?

[4:15] That's what he did.

[4:16] So he cheated.

[4:17] That's just cheating.

[4:18] Yeah.

[4:19] Okay.

[4:19] Dude, and you see Revenge of the Nerds?

[4:21] That's all they do in every game is cheat.

[4:23] It's crazy.

[4:24] Yeah.

[4:24] So for people who are not aware of the Kobayashi Maru, the Kobayashi Maru is a test that Starfleet Academy cadets have to go through in which they realize at the end that Kobayashi was a made-up character that Verbal Kent was just lying about in the story he was telling in The Usual Suspects.

[4:39] I got to say.

[4:40] He got the name from the bottom of a cup.

Dan McCoy

[4:42] The Kobayashi Maru is a cool idea for like, okay, the training here is to, it's philosophical.

[4:49] It's so that a Starfleet captain can accept that they may encounter a no-win situation and to like sort of be psychologically prepared for that.

[5:01] Cool idea.

[5:01] I feel like after the first class takes the Kobayashi Maru and everyone's talking about the Kobayashi Maru, the effectiveness of that is done.

[5:11] Oh, yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:12] You go on the Starfleet Reddit and you're like.

[5:14] Yeah.

[5:15] The thing about the first rule of Kobayashi Maru, the Kobayashi Maru is supposed to be that, no, you don't talk about Kobayashi Maru.

[5:21] That's the first rule.

[5:22] Second rule, see the first rule.

[5:23] But then Dan always has problems with public education.

[5:26] Don't get him started on critical race theory.

[5:28] Anyway, so I'm going to name a movie.

[5:30] Not true.

[5:31] I'm going to name a movie.

[5:31] And you're going to name the valuable thing that they're looking for.

[5:34] Dan, you'll go first and then we'll alternate.

[5:36] And yes, in this game, you can steal.

[5:39] If the other person gets it wrong, you can get a point by answering it right.

[5:42] Okay.

[5:43] So, Dan, I'm going to name a movie.

[5:44] You name the valuable thing the characters are looking for, the Pink Panther.

Dan McCoy

[5:49] They are looking for, I believe, the Pink Panther.

[5:55] And that is.

[5:56] It's a name of a diamond.

Elliott Kalan

[5:57] Yes, it's a diamond.

[5:58] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[5:59] Which makes the rest of the series' titling conventions confusing.

[6:02] Yes.

[6:03] Like why they're still.

Elliott Kalan

[6:03] None of the other movies involve the Pink Panther diamond.

[6:06] In much the same way as in the movie The Thin Man, Claude Winant, the missing scientist, is the thin man they are looking for.

[6:12] But then after that, they're like, eh, William Powell's kind of thin.

[6:15] We'll just pretend he's the thin man from now on.

[6:18] He's not.

[6:19] He's not.

Dan McCoy

[6:19] He's not a fat man, but he's a stat man.

Elliott Kalan

[6:23] I guess the second movie is called After the Thin Man because it's literally like after whatever happened in that movie.

[6:29] It's a great sequel.

Dan McCoy

[6:30] If the sequel to Star Wars was called After Star Wars.

[6:33] Yeah.

[6:34] I mean, they did that with After MASH.

Elliott Kalan

[6:37] That's true.

[6:38] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[6:38] They followed the thin man precedent.

Elliott Kalan

[6:40] And the movie Aftermath is about what happens after you learn math.

[6:43] And After Earth.

[6:46] Yeah.

[6:46] That's After Earth, the documentary series.

[6:50] Yeah.

[6:52] So, Stuart.

[6:53] So, Dan has a point.

[6:54] Stuart, he's on the board.

[6:56] The money board.

[6:57] I got to get a point.

[6:57] Okay.

[6:58] What valuable thing are they looking for in the movie Sisu?

[7:02] Oh, gold?

[7:04] You're right.

[7:04] It's gold that they're looking for in Sisu.

[7:06] Dan, you're up next.

[7:07] The movie Uncut Gems.

[7:09] And I want you to be as specific as possible.

Dan McCoy

[7:13] Well, there's an uncut gem.

[7:16] Yes.

[7:17] That the idea is, I guess, that Adam Sandler's character is like, if I cut this, it'll be worth a lot of money.

Elliott Kalan

[7:26] In a sense.

Dan McCoy

[7:27] But what is the particular gem that the plot revolves around?

[7:33] The particular uncut gem.

[7:34] Is it a type of diamond?

[7:37] Well, no.

[7:38] Is it a black diamond?

[7:39] Okay.

[7:40] You're halfway there.

Elliott Kalan

[7:41] I'm going to steal that shit.

[7:42] What is it?

[7:43] Dan, are you officially saying no?

[7:44] I am officially saying no.

[7:46] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[7:46] Stuart?

[7:47] So, wait.

[7:47] I can't steal until my opponent gives me permission to steal.

Elliott Kalan

[7:51] Well, you've got to give him a chance.

[7:54] I mean, at this point, he's made it clear he doesn't know it.

[7:56] It's an opal, right?

[7:57] It is a – should I give each you half credit?

[8:00] It's a black opal.

[8:01] Black opal.

[8:02] I'm giving each half credit.

[8:03] I also would have accepted a jewel-encrusted Furby.

[8:07] This is not what he's looking for.

[8:10] It's the most memorable thing in the movie.

[8:11] It's in the movie.

[8:12] He's right, Dan.

[8:14] Okay.

[8:14] So, it is the black opal that they're looking for.

[8:16] Stuart, you're up next.

[8:17] The movie is The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

[8:20] What are they looking for?

Stuart Wellington

[8:21] Well, they're looking for treasure.

[8:26] I'm going to say – I actually don't know this movie.

[8:30] I mean, I've heard of it.

[8:33] Is it any good?

Dan McCoy

[8:34] Do you know what their relationship to badges is in that movie?

Stuart Wellington

[8:37] Oh, did they steal that bit from Cheech and Chong?

[8:41] They stole that bit from the movie UHF.

[8:44] Yeah, they stole that from Cheech.

[8:44] Yeah, I'm sorry.

[8:45] So, what are they looking for?

[8:47] I'm going to say they are looking for gold.

Elliott Kalan

[8:51] Yes, you're right.

[8:52] It's gold.

[8:53] Yeah.

[8:53] In the treasure of the Sierra Madre.

[8:54] Okay.

[8:55] Stuart, that was great.

[8:57] You didn't even see the movie and you got it.

[8:58] Dan, you've seen this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[8:59] If my next movie is gold starring Roger Moore, I'm going to fucking crush it.

Elliott Kalan

[9:05] Your next movie is for full.

[9:08] Dan, Avatar.

[9:10] What are they looking for in Avatar?

Dan McCoy

[9:11] They are looking for Unobtainium.

[9:14] You got that right.

[9:15] An element that James Cameron caught a lot of shit for, but he took that from real scientists.

[9:20] Whether or not it still sounds dumb, you can argue that, but it's not James Cameron's fault necessarily.

[9:27] No, there's other dumb stuff that he can take credit for.

Stuart Wellington

[9:29] He's the director and writer.

[9:32] He totally forgot to put the fucking dog-faced octopus in his Titanic movie.

[9:37] He has a track record of fucking...

[9:39] Where's tentacles?

Elliott Kalan

[9:40] His Titanic movie is so inaccurate.

[9:42] He has the people on the Titanic drowning to death.

[9:45] When in reality, as we know from the legend of the Titanic, they were all saved by tentacles and his maritime buddies.

[9:50] And the heroism of Camembert, the mouse, in allowing him to electrocute him through his mustache to send out an SOS.

Dan McCoy

[9:58] The world's most conductive mustache.

[9:59] Which would have killed a lesser mouse, but luckily...

Elliott Kalan

[10:03] Stuart, I don't know how psychic you are, but the answers vary because the answer is gold starring Roger Moore.

[10:08] What is the thing they're looking for in gold?

[10:10] It's gold!

[10:11] It is gold.

[10:13] What a great opening title sequence for that movie.

[10:15] It's got an amazing opening title sequence.

[10:17] Yeah, it's amazing.

[10:18] Yeah, you really get the idea that that movie is about gold.

[10:22] I've never seen this movie.

[10:23] Should I see it?

[10:24] Is it good?

[10:24] No, but just look up the opening title sequence.

[10:25] Okay.

[10:26] It is...

Stuart Wellington

[10:27] Yeah.

[10:27] My parents had it on VHS tape with like three other movies, and I remember it like I would see the opening and then be like, I don't want to watch the rest.

Elliott Kalan

[10:34] No, it's not going to live up to it, and it doesn't.

[10:36] Dan, your movie is Notorious.

[10:40] Oh.

[10:41] What is the valuable element or thing they're looking for in Notorious?

[10:47] The MacGuffin, as Stuart put it earlier when he broke the game.

Dan McCoy

[10:50] I remember some sort of like dust.

[10:54] Is it uranium?

Elliott Kalan

[10:57] It is uranium.

[10:58] You did a great job.

[10:59] It's not unobtainium.

[11:00] It's uranium.

Stuart Wellington

[11:02] No, no, Notorious, Notorious.

[11:05] Well, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[11:06] You also could have said hip-hop glory.

[11:08] Girls on film.

Dan McCoy

[11:10] Yeah.

[11:10] Girls on film.

[11:11] Different song.

[11:14] It's a medley now.

[11:14] Different song.

[11:15] I don't know why that's a medley at all.

[11:17] It's unrelated.

[11:18] I don't know why that's a medley now.

[11:22] I just like Duran Duran.

Stuart Wellington

[11:24] We should form one Duran Duran.

[11:26] Hungry like the wolf.

[11:29] We should form like a Duran Duran cover band.

[11:31] We could call ourselves Studan Sudan.

Elliott Kalan

[11:36] Okay, let's talk about this.

[11:37] Hold on.

[11:37] We were going to make this mini short, but let's talk about this.

[11:40] Sudan Sudan.

[11:41] Now touring the Sudan.

[11:43] Wow.

[11:44] I love it.

[11:44] So you'll be-

Dan McCoy

[11:45] Huge Duran Duran audience in the Sudan.

[11:47] Is it North Sudan or regular Sudan?

[11:51] Both.

[11:51] Why limit ourselves?

[11:52] Yeah, exactly.

[11:52] South Sudan.

Elliott Kalan

[11:54] Sudan's our oyster.

[11:56] Are you doing just straight covers of Duran Duran songs, or are they also Duran Duran songs

[12:00] where you've inserted yourselves in it in some way?

Stuart Wellington

[12:03] I mean, a little bit of that.

[12:04] I mean, it's going to be all acapella because that's what people like.

[12:07] Okay.

[12:07] And it will cut down on our travel costs because we don't have to travel with all of our-

[12:11] Because nobody will book you.

[12:12] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[12:12] That's a life hack for fans.

Stuart Wellington

[12:13] Yeah, that's a life hack.

[12:14] Hey, Nick Rhodes, leave the keyboard at home, buddy.

Elliott Kalan

[12:19] Yeah.

[12:20] You got to tell Rush to have fewer drums on that stage.

Dan McCoy

[12:24] Oh, man.

[12:25] Yeah, yeah.

[12:26] Imagine the shipping costs.

Elliott Kalan

[12:27] The shipping costs because they mail it.

[12:29] They go to the post office.

Dan McCoy

[12:32] I mean, they got stamps.com.

[12:33] Stamps.com?

Elliott Kalan

[12:35] Stamps.com, yeah.

[12:37] Yeah, it stands for doppelganger because it's the evil duplicate of stamps.com.

Stuart Wellington

[12:42] They only mail people's drum kits.

Elliott Kalan

[12:45] Yeah, because I sure hope my drum kit gets to the arena on time.

[12:50] Ooh.

[12:50] Okay, so Robot and the Family, Stu.

[12:53] This is your movie, Robot and the Family.

[12:55] What are they looking for in it?

Stuart Wellington

[12:57] So this is a movie we've talked about covering,

[12:59] but you guys said it was too bad and that you didn't want to watch it.

[13:03] Yes, because I've seen it before.

Elliott Kalan

[13:05] Even though it was shot in a part of New York, I know very well.

[13:08] So, Stuart, here's just to-

Stuart Wellington

[13:09] This is going to be based on context clues because there's a robot involved.

[13:13] I'm going to say gold.

[13:15] You got it.

[13:16] Gold is the answer.

[13:17] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[13:18] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[13:19] Dan, now it's your turn.

[13:22] Your movie is Fool's Gold.

[13:24] What is the valuable thing they're looking for in Fool's Gold?

Dan McCoy

[13:28] I think they're looking for actual gold in the form of maritime treasure.

Stuart Wellington

[13:34] I think they're looking for love and they find that shit.

Elliott Kalan

[13:37] You guys, half credit to both of you again.

[13:40] The answer is gold and love.

[13:43] Oh.

[13:43] So, Stu, you are really killing it today in these steals.

[13:49] You are snaking it.

Stuart Wellington

[13:50] On the uncut gem we made along the way.

Elliott Kalan

[13:53] Yeah.

[13:53] So, Stuart, this is the final question of the round.

[13:57] Kelly's Heroes.

Stuart Wellington

[13:58] I'm going to say, man, I actually haven't seen a lot of these movies.

[14:04] Kelly's Heroes is a fun movie.

Dan McCoy

[14:06] Yeah, I mean, I should.

[14:08] It ends with one of the more inexplicable, like, we're just going to have a jaunty song.

[14:13] You're like, remember all these heroes?

[14:15] Well, it's the theme song.

Elliott Kalan

[14:16] Friends all tried to warn me, but I didn't even try.

[14:20] It's called Burning Bridges or something like that.

[14:22] Yeah, it's kind of like this.

[14:22] Burn your bridge.

[14:23] You've got to burn your bridge.

[14:25] The song is totally out of step with the rest of the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[14:28] It sounds like the end of Return of the King.

[14:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:31] At the end of Return of the King when they play, what is it, Chris Isaac song?

[14:34] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[14:36] Yeah, yeah.

[14:37] They play Foolish Game.

[14:38] They play Foolish Game.

Elliott Kalan

[14:39] It'd be so funny if they played Walking on Sunshine at the end.

[14:41] It was like, first, but they keep in the scene of scouring the Shire, and then they play Walking on Sunshine.

Stuart Wellington

[14:48] Man, Sharky, what an asshole.

[14:50] I'm glad he gets it in the end.

[14:52] Okay, so.

Elliott Kalan

[14:53] But his machine, Sharky's machine, though, deserved its own movie, yeah.

[14:57] Yeah, it did, yeah.

[14:58] I'm going to say gold.

[15:00] Can you be more specific?

[15:03] Gold coins.

[15:05] It's a certain kind of gold.

[15:07] Dan, do you feel like you can steal this half point?

[15:09] Nazi gold.

[15:10] Oh, Stuart got it.

[15:11] Nazi gold.

[15:12] Yeah, he got it.

[15:12] That's the answer.

[15:13] It's a worse kind of gold.

[15:15] It was the, indeed, Nazi gold that is still, they're looking for Kelly's heroes.

[15:19] Do they get it?

[15:20] You'll have to watch the movie to find out.

[15:21] Yeah, I guess so.

[15:22] So that's the leaving round one.

[15:23] Stu is in a slight lead, six to four, against Dan, in a category that was somewhat stacked against Dan.

[15:29] I will admit that.

[15:30] Oh, you think?

[15:32] Well, let's move on to our next round.

[15:34] This round's called Hard Rock Q&A.

[15:38] Now, I'm going to name a movie, and you have to tell me if there's a rock and roll song in it, a giant rock in it, or neither.

[15:45] Okay.

[15:46] Okay.

[15:46] And Dan, because I didn't quite play fair on that last category, but you did great, would you like to go first, or do you want Stuart to go first?

Dan McCoy

[15:53] I'll let Stuart go first, actually.

[15:55] Okay, Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[15:56] Then the first question is for you.

[15:57] Is it, has the movie got a rock and roll song, a giant rock, or neither in it?

[16:02] And the first movie is Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[16:05] Giant rock.

[16:06] They should have called that movie Raiders of the Lost Rock.

Stuart Wellington

[16:09] That would have been a great idea.

[16:10] Or the Rockers of the Lost Raid.

[16:13] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[16:14] Oh, yeah, the boulder at the front.

[16:16] I was like, took me a second.

[16:17] You're like, huh.

[16:18] I was thinking the main adventure, not the.

[16:20] Let me think about.

Stuart Wellington

[16:21] The best part was, I feel like you were like, was there a rock song in that movie?

Elliott Kalan

[16:27] Does Indy ever plug in his guitar to blow those Nazis away with the power of rock?

[16:32] I'm sorry, you're just too darn loud.

[16:34] I love the idea that, Dan, even if you had then run the entire movie in your head to remember if there's a giant rock in it, you'd get to it pretty quickly.

[16:41] Okay, Dan, Deep Impact.

[16:43] Is there a rock and roll song, a giant rock, or neither?

Dan McCoy

[16:46] Well, is both an option?

[16:50] You didn't say it, but there is both, right?

Elliott Kalan

[16:53] Does Deep Impact have a rock and roll song in it?

Dan McCoy

[16:56] Oh, you know what?

[16:57] I was thinking of Armageddon.

[16:58] Just a rock.

Elliott Kalan

[16:59] Thank you.

[17:00] It's just a giant rock.

[17:01] I'll allow you to take it even though you were insultingly questioning my knowledge of Deep Impact, I guess.

[17:06] You got that.

[17:07] Stuart, School of Rock.

[17:10] It's got a rock song in it.

[17:13] An expensive one.

Stuart Wellington

[17:14] I'm assuming the rights to use immigrant song cost them a pretty penny.

[17:19] Probably.

Elliott Kalan

[17:20] I mean, there's a few rock songs in the School of Rock.

Stuart Wellington

[17:22] Yeah, but Led Zeppelin songs are like extra expensive.

Elliott Kalan

[17:25] They're extra expensive because you have to deliver them by Zeppelin.

[17:27] You can't just ship them like Rush's drum set.

Dan McCoy

[17:30] Yeah.

[17:31] You have to deliver them by Led Zeppelin, which doesn't fly.

[17:34] No.

[17:34] You have to drag it.

[17:35] So you have to ship that Zeppelin.

Elliott Kalan

[17:36] It has to be dragged, ironically, by immigrants.

[17:39] So, Dan, The Rock.

[17:42] Rock song?

[17:43] Giant rock?

Dan McCoy

[17:44] Oh, the movie The Rock.

[17:46] Yeah.

[17:47] Well, let's see.

[17:50] Don't overthink it.

[17:53] You know what?

[17:55] Although Nicolas Cage does play, I think, a Beatles song at one point, I'll say it has a rock in it in that Alcatraz is nicknamed The Rock.

Elliott Kalan

[18:06] Incorrect.

[18:07] Stu, you want to steal this one?

[18:08] What?

[18:10] Wrong.

[18:10] It has neither.

[18:11] What?

[18:11] I am not counting Nicolas Cage briefly noodling on his guitar and not playing a full song and then saying what a Beatles fan he is.

[18:18] And The Rock, it's a prison.

[18:20] It's not a rock.

[18:21] It's not an island.

[18:22] Come on.

Stuart Wellington

[18:22] Yeah, I guess we fucked up because for the rules of the game, we have to hear an entire song.

Dan McCoy

[18:28] I guess Elliot is God in this game.

Elliott Kalan

[18:32] I am.

[18:32] I am, indeed.

[18:33] I mean, if we consider The Rock to be a giant rock, then any movie has a giant rock in it because they all take place on land.

[18:40] I guess except for Waterworld.

Dan McCoy

[18:41] I mean, it's specifically nicknamed The Rock as per the title.

Elliott Kalan

[18:45] Is Dwayne The Rock Johnson a rock and roll song or a giant rock?

[18:48] He's not.

[18:49] He's neither of those things.

[18:49] He is a giant rock.

[18:50] He is a giant rock.

[18:51] He is not a giant rock.

Dan McCoy

[18:52] That's exactly what he is.

[18:53] Is he made out of stone?

[18:55] He's a man named The Rock who is giant.

[18:57] Daniel, Daniel, don't play games with me.

[19:00] Don't play.

Elliott Kalan

[19:00] Not at all.

[19:01] Okay.

[19:02] So, okay.

[19:02] The next one is for you, Stu, because Dan, that was you on the rock.

[19:05] Stu is Rock of Ages.

[19:08] Rock of Ages has a rock song in it.

[19:11] Dan, Picnic at Hanging Rock.

Dan McCoy

[19:13] That has a giant rock in it.

Elliott Kalan

[19:16] For real.

[19:17] The music, there's no rock and roll.

[19:18] It's all pan flute.

[19:19] It's all Zamfir, the massive pan flute.

[19:21] Stuart, Galaxy Quest.

Stuart Wellington

[19:24] Oh, shit.

[19:26] Definitely a giant rock.

[19:27] Yes, there's a giant rock monster.

Dan McCoy

[19:28] Not just a rock, but a rock monster.

Elliott Kalan

[19:31] Yep.

[19:32] Okay, that's what, B-52s?

[19:34] Okay.

[19:34] Yeah.

[19:35] Dan, The NeverEnding Story.

Dan McCoy

[19:36] That's my Weird Al parody of B-52s.

Elliott Kalan

[19:38] Dan, The NeverEnding Story.

Dan McCoy

[19:42] I believe that that also has a big rock man.

Stuart Wellington

[19:46] Stuart, Return to Oz.

[19:48] And that fucking title track, though, is kind of a rock.

Elliott Kalan

[19:51] Yeah.

[19:52] But I'm going to go with Rock Monster then.

[19:53] Dan, Stuart, Return to Oz.

[19:55] That's your movie.

Stuart Wellington

[19:56] I don't know that well.

[19:57] I'm going to say Giant Rock.

Elliott Kalan

[19:59] It's got a giant rock monster in it.

[20:00] The Known King.

[20:01] Okay.

[20:02] Dan, Armageddon.

Dan McCoy

[20:05] So I'll go back to my original assertion that it has both.

Elliott Kalan

[20:10] It was a trick question.

[20:11] It has a big rock and rock and roll song in it.

[20:13] Yeah.

[20:13] You don't want to miss a thing.

[20:15] Yeah.

[20:15] Unless it's Armageddon, in which case you can miss it.

[20:17] It's not that great.

[20:18] I don't know.

[20:18] I would say it's amazing.

[20:20] It's crazy.

Dan McCoy

[20:22] I think most of Armageddon is dumb but enjoyable.

[20:26] If you're going to miss part of Armageddon, I would say you should probably miss the part

[20:29] where that song plays.

Elliott Kalan

[20:31] Yeah.

[20:31] I would think so.

[20:32] Yeah.

[20:33] It's not.

[20:33] I don't love it.

[20:34] I don't love this one.

[20:34] Okay.

[20:35] So that was Dan.

[20:36] Stu, Bad Day at Black Rock.

Stuart Wellington

[20:39] I'm going to say Giant Rock.

[20:43] No, neither.

Elliott Kalan

[20:44] It's just a town called Black Rock.

[20:45] Wait.

[20:45] I didn't get to steal that one?

[20:47] Oh, sorry.

[20:47] Dan, you want to steal it?

[20:49] Yeah.

[20:49] Neither.

[20:50] It's a town called Black Rock.

[20:51] Okay.

[20:51] Dan got that point.

[20:52] You know I knew that one.

[20:53] No.

[20:53] Dan's seen that movie.

[20:54] Dan, your turn.

[20:55] The Hot Rock.

Dan McCoy

[20:58] I mean, how giant counts as giant because I believe the Hot Rock is about stealing a

[21:07] big diamond, which is big for a diamond.

[21:11] I would call it a giant rock in that sense.

[21:13] But you're a trickster, so I'm going to say neither.

Elliott Kalan

[21:18] You figured it out a lot.

[21:19] Neither.

[21:19] The rock is very little.

[21:20] It's big for a diamond.

[21:22] It's small compared to like a boulder.

[21:23] So, yes, you got that one.

[21:25] Yeah.

[21:25] It looks more like mice or something.

[21:27] I thought I'd trick you, but I was wrong.

[21:28] Okay.

[21:29] Stuart.

[21:29] Rocky.

Stuart Wellington

[21:34] You're trying to trip me up.

[21:35] I'm going to say rock and roll song.

[21:38] No.

[21:38] There's no rock and roll song.

Elliott Kalan

[21:39] Oh, so, Dan, you get to steal.

[21:41] What do you think?

Dan McCoy

[21:44] Yeah.

[21:44] I mean, I don't know.

[21:46] I'll just let it stand without trying to steal.

[21:49] Because I might have decided that I'm going to fly now.

[21:55] I guess it doesn't have lyrics or whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[21:57] It does.

[21:58] Gonna fly now.

Dan McCoy

[22:00] Yeah.

[22:01] Let's just move along.

[22:03] Okay.

[22:03] Sorry about that.

Elliott Kalan

[22:04] I should have allowed you to steal.

[22:05] But I would say that it's not a rock song.

[22:08] Yes.

[22:08] So, Rocky is neither.

[22:09] Rocky 2.

Dan McCoy

[22:11] This is me?

[22:12] Yes.

[22:12] I'm going to say that there's a rock song in Rocky 2.

[22:14] No.

[22:15] Oh, no.

Stuart Wellington

[22:16] Stuart, Rocky 3.

[22:17] That series is really.

[22:18] I'm going to steal.

[22:19] Nothing.

[22:20] There's nothing in it.

[22:21] I shouldn't have said anything.

[22:22] The series should have more rock songs in it.

Elliott Kalan

[22:24] Okay, Dan.

[22:24] It feels like a natural fit.

[22:26] Stuart, Rocky 3.

[22:30] You know it.

[22:31] Eye of the Tiger.

[22:32] Dan, Rocky 4.

Dan McCoy

[22:37] Let's see.

[22:38] That's the one with the Russian.

Stuart Wellington

[22:40] You better not be doing research on your phone right now, Dan.

[22:42] I haven't drawn.

Dan McCoy

[22:42] No, I'm just looking.

Stuart Wellington

[22:43] No, he's in his fucking memory palace.

[22:45] Okay.

[22:47] I don't remember a rock song, so I'm going to say neither.

[22:50] Stuart?

[22:51] I'm going to say there's a big-ass rock because he climbs a mountain and hollers.

[22:56] You are both wrong.

[22:57] Rocky 4, James Brown literally plays Living in America in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[23:02] There are multiple rock songs.

[23:05] There's literally a performance in the film.

[23:07] I'm disappointed in you both.

[23:08] I guess that's a rock song.

[23:09] I mean, he's normally a funk artist, but that's it.

[23:11] You didn't allow the giant mountain to be a giant rock.

[23:12] Living in America feels like a rock song to me.

[23:14] Yeah, it's more of a rock song.

[23:15] Yeah.

[23:16] Although, I guess you could say a funk song.

[23:18] If people want to write in and say that I owe a point to Dan for that one,

[23:23] but I would call it a rock song because it rocks.

[23:24] Yeah.

[23:25] There's a giant goat head behind him while he's playing it.

[23:27] Come on.

[23:27] There's nothing more rock than that.

[23:29] Stuart, you had the last question of the round.

[23:31] Rock you like a hurricane.

[23:33] Wait, that's a movie?

[23:35] I'm going to say a rock song.

[23:37] You know what?

[23:38] I liked that you questioned it.

[23:39] That was a trick question.

[23:39] It's not a movie.

[23:40] It's a song, but you got it.

[23:42] Yeah.

[23:43] Okay, so.

[23:44] By the Scorps.

[23:45] The Scorps, dude.

[23:46] By the Scorps.

[23:47] So, as we go into our break, it's still a pretty close game.

[23:50] Dan has 10 points.

[23:51] Stuart has 14 points.

[23:53] I apologize, Dan.

[23:54] Might be a little closer if I had not been so eager to tell people they were wrong

[23:57] and given him the chance to steal stuff.

[23:59] But we're going to take a quick break for a sponsor promo

[24:02] and to tell you more about those exciting Flophouse live shows

[24:05] that I teased you with earlier in the mini.

Stuart Wellington

[24:08] Hey!

[24:09] We have a j-j-j-j-jumbotron!

[24:13] That's right.

[24:14] This is a message for Andrea.

[24:17] This is a message from Mom, Dad, and Samantha.

[24:21] Happy 30th birthday, Andrea.

[24:23] We're giving you the greatest gift of all.

[24:25] Your name said on the Flophouse.

[24:28] We love you and can't wait to see what you do next.

[24:32] Stay weird, stay silly, and stay sarcastic.

[24:36] And thanks, Dan, Stuart, and Elliot, for making a contribution to Andrea's 30th birthday.

[24:42] In conclusion, happy birthday, Andrea.

[24:45] Happy birthday!

[24:47] Words to live by.

[24:49] Mm-hmm.

[24:50] Words to live by?

[24:51] Happy birthday?

[24:51] Well, like, no, stay silly and sarcastic.

[24:53] Oh, those ones.

[24:55] And I wanted to—

Dan McCoy

[24:56] Always me birthday.

[24:59] Always.

Elliott Kalan

[25:00] ABB.

[25:02] ABB.

[25:03] Every day is a birthday for somebody.

[25:05] So I want to talk to you guys about these live shows.

[25:08] I mentioned them earlier.

[25:09] Maybe you are one of the hundreds, if not thousands of viewers, who has already watched our September 9th Cool World flop TV show.

[25:17] Flop TV, of course, is our monthly, usually the first Saturday of every month, live show where we broadcast over the internet,

[25:24] talking about some of the all-time flops of movie history that we have mentioned on the show but never covered before.

[25:29] Last time it was Cool World.

[25:30] It was a lot of fun.

[25:32] There was a brief altercation in the beginning over some technical difficulties.

[25:36] But we got through it, okay.

[25:37] And everybody agreed with me that it's a great movie and that everyone should watch it.

[25:40] Yep.

[25:41] Nope.

[25:42] But even if you missed it, you can still watch the recording.

[25:45] The recordings for all the Flop TV episodes will remain up on the Flop TV ticket website until the end of the run of the series.

[25:52] And so if you go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com, you can still watch that video, watch our first episode about Beastmaster 2,

[26:00] and get ready for our October 7th broadcast when we'll be doing an all-American meat double feature,

[26:06] Hot Dog the Movie and Hamburger the Motion Picture.

[26:09] I have to do the summaries for both of those, I think, and I am not looking forward to it.

[26:13] But we'll see what we can do.

[26:14] Two movies at once.

[26:15] Can it be done?

[26:17] A movie-age-a-chois.

[26:20] Montage-a-chois.

[26:21] That's what I should have called it, a montage-a-chois.

Dan McCoy

[26:22] Also, I'm doing the presentation and let's just say the original cut of my presentation was way longer.

[26:33] Then I'm like, we're doing two movies.

[26:34] I got to do my best to get it down.

[26:37] So I'm going to do my best to keep it tight.

Elliott Kalan

[26:39] I would much rather you do a long presentation and us give short shrift to Hot Dog the Movie and Hamburger the Motion Picture.

[26:45] So don't worry about it too much.

[26:46] I'm going to do a much more abbreviated summary than normal for both of those movies.

Stuart Wellington

[26:48] I think Dan should do a Director's Cup version of his that's only available on his premium screen.

Dan McCoy

[26:54] I got to say, I'm genuinely excited to do this presentation.

[27:00] Yeah, we're excited to see it.

[27:01] Great.

Elliott Kalan

[27:01] I can't wait to see it.

[27:02] That's October 7th.

[27:03] You can buy your tickets now at theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[27:07] Season passes are available that are a discount over buying individual tickets.

[27:10] And the season pass is still worth it even if you get it now because you can watch the recordings of the episodes you've missed.

[27:16] That's at theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[27:19] But hey, let's say it's not enough to see us through a computer screen.

[27:22] What if you want to see us IRL, which stands for in the flesh?

[27:26] What if you want to see us in the same room?

[27:28] If you live in the Los Angeles area or have access to a train or airplane or car, you can do just that because on October 19th, we will be doing two shows in one night at Vidiot's.

[27:40] One of the great independent video stores and movie theaters in Los Angeles.

[27:45] We're going to be doing two shows like our regular live shows, each of us doing a presentation, talking about a movie, Q&A afterwards to the audience.

[27:53] We're going to do at 6 p.m.

[27:54] Speed 2 Cruise Control.

[27:56] The movie that said, what if Speed 2 was not fast?

[27:59] And at 8.45 p.m., Three Men and a Baby.

[28:02] The movie that asked the question, can men be parents?

[28:06] Is that possible?

[28:07] And I think we can hint that this is an extra tease.

[28:11] At the Three Men and the Baby show, we'll be joined by a certain special guest star of the Flophouse.

[28:15] So maybe closer to the show, we'll reveal who that star of the show is.

[28:20] But if you just can't wait and you've got to get tickets for one or both of those shows, they're going to be two separate, completely different shows as far as I know.

[28:26] It's going to be at vidiotsfoundation.org.

Stuart Wellington

[28:28] We're going to tell the same jokes for both shows.

Elliott Kalan

[28:30] For Speed 2 and Three Men and a Baby?

[28:32] Is it interesting?

[28:33] Is it interesting?

[28:34] We'll see.

[28:34] Is it right jokes that work for both?

[28:35] That'll be interesting.

Stuart Wellington

[28:37] And I'm known for being a good joke craftspin.

Elliott Kalan

[28:41] And memorizer.

[28:42] So that's October 19th, two shows, 6 p.m. and 8.45 p.m.

[28:45] Separate ticketing for both, both original shows at vidiotsfoundation.org.

[28:50] Look on the calendar there, October 19th.

[28:53] Can't wait to be there.

[28:53] So excited to do the show.

S4

[28:58] Throughout history, sirens have captured men's attention, enticed men with their feminine wiles, and fulfilled men's primal needs.

[29:07] The sirens allure persists.

[29:08] They have not.

[29:09] Unless the primal need is, I need to be smashed on the rocks.

[29:13] Yeah, smash me.

[29:15] Smash me, mommy.

[29:16] Smash me, mama.

[29:16] Smash me, mommy.

[29:21] The sirens allure persists.

[29:23] Why do we do this to ourselves?

Dan McCoy

[29:25] Strain me, baby.

[29:26] Strain me, mom.

[29:27] Strain me, baby.

S4

[29:28] So yeah, this is my brother, my brother, and me from Maximum Fun on Mondays.

[29:32] It's just like that.

[29:34] It's just like that, but more of it.

[29:37] There's more of that.

Elliott Kalan

[29:42] The Legend of Zelda, Tears of the Kingdom.

S4

[29:45] Diablo 4.

[29:47] Final Fantasy 16.

[29:49] Street Fighter 6.

[29:50] Baldur's Gate 3.

[29:51] Starfield.

[29:52] Spider-Man 2.

[29:53] Master Detective Archives Raincoat for Nintendo Switch.

[29:57] No?

[29:57] Is that just me?

[30:00] It's a huge time for video games.

Dan McCoy

[30:02] You need somebody to tell you what's good, what's not so good, and what's amazing.

S4

[30:07] I'm Jason Schreier.

[30:08] I'm Maddie Myers.

[30:10] And I'm Kirk Hamilton.

Dan McCoy

[30:11] We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast for anyone who likes games.

S4

[30:16] Find us at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

[30:20] Bye.

Elliott Kalan

[30:23] Guys, you ready to go back to the final round of Screen Gems, a.k.a.

[30:27] There's Gold in Them There.

[30:29] Mm-hmm.

[30:29] And then there's Gold in Them There films.

[30:31] Okay.

[30:32] Mm-hmm.

[30:32] Yep.

[30:33] This one's going to need you to use a little bit less knowledge, a little more imagination.

[30:38] Oh, okay.

[30:38] The most valuable resource of all.

[30:40] Because if there's one thing that humanity could never get by with, it's not gold.

[30:44] It's not even oil.

[30:45] It's imagination, as explained at Epcot Center in Disney World.

[30:50] So, this round, round three, final round is called-

[30:52] Did Figment tell you that?

[30:53] Figment did tell me that, yeah.

[30:55] Okay.

[30:55] He said, psst, don't tell anybody, but imagination is the most valuable resource.

[31:00] And now give me all your money.

Stuart Wellington

[31:01] And then he cracked his skull open and drained his brain.

Elliott Kalan

[31:04] Yeah, yeah.

[31:04] Drained his brain.

[31:05] I said I wanted his power of imagination added to my own, so I devoured his brain.

Dan McCoy

[31:09] That's what happened to him.

[31:10] I haven't seen him around that much.

Elliott Kalan

[31:11] That's why they closed down the ride, yeah.

[31:13] So, this round is called Rock Me a Movie Deus.

[31:19] Okay.

[31:20] Rock Me a Movie Deus.

[31:22] I'm going to name a medal, and you are going to have to pitch me a short movie plot about

[31:28] or involving that medal in some way.

[31:30] So, use your imagination.

[31:31] I'm going to be-

[31:32] And I'm going to be rating this, judging this, just on my own criteria.

[31:36] So, you have to figure it out.

[31:37] I think that's going to be-

[31:38] Oh, okay.

[31:38] I guess I'm going to use Top Chef Quick-Chain-

[31:41] Quick-

[31:42] Quick-fire rules.

[31:44] Thank you.

[31:44] Top Chef Quick-fire rules.

[31:46] It's got to show imagination.

[31:47] It's got to show competence and creativity.

[31:50] And it's also got to really center the medal.

[31:54] Really showcase it and make it an important part of the movie.

[31:57] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[31:57] See, I knew as soon as the strike happened, Elliot was going to use the podcast as a way to pitch

[32:02] himself to take over for Padma when she-

[32:05] I'm too late.

Elliott Kalan

[32:06] I'm too late.

[32:07] They already cast Kristen.

[32:08] Can't wait to see her.

[32:08] She's going to be a natural fit.

[32:10] A friend of mine was a guest judge on this season of Top Chef and said,

[32:15] Kristen is doing a great job.

[32:16] So, I can't wait to see it.

[32:18] Okay, so this first move, this first one goes to Dan.

[32:22] And your medal that you have to build a movie around and pitch to me very quickly is aluminum.

Stuart Wellington

[32:31] Or as David Sims would say, aluminum.

Elliott Kalan

[32:35] I was listening to an episode recently where he said aluminum and Zed.

[32:38] And I was like, come on.

Dan McCoy

[32:40] I mean, he grew up in the-

[32:41] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[32:43] Let's see.

[32:44] We've all heard the legend.

[32:45] Oh, and I want to end here.

[32:46] Okay.

[32:46] And I want to say this.

[32:48] This is called the No Pixar Rule.

[32:50] You cannot pitch me a movie where it's like all the medals live in a world and aluminum

[32:53] is tired of being made into thin sheets.

[32:56] Fuck this.

[32:56] Don't do that shit.

[32:57] Don't do it.

Dan McCoy

[33:01] Okay.

[33:02] It's going to be called Legends of the Foil.

[33:07] I love it already.

[33:08] Keep going.

[33:10] It's going to be about a whimsical child who believes that he can build a spaceship out of

[33:22] aluminum foil.

[33:25] So he's a British child.

[33:26] He's a British child.

Elliott Kalan

[33:29] A Shropshire lad or something like that.

Dan McCoy

[33:30] Yeah, he's an underprivileged youth in the days of Thatcher.

Elliott Kalan

[33:41] Wow.

[33:42] Okay.

[33:43] So just getting all that aluminum is going to be difficult for him.

Dan McCoy

[33:46] Yeah, he enlists a ragtag group of friends, including the older British lass who's always in

[33:57] these movies, who he has a crush on, but is too old to see him as anything but just an

[34:02] adorable kid.

Elliott Kalan

[34:04] We're getting into licorice pizza territory, and I do not like that.

[34:06] Keep going.

[34:07] I'm not that much older.

[34:08] Okay.

[34:08] He has a crush on her.

[34:10] So it's like a 10-year-old and a 12-year-old or something like that.

[34:13] Who knows?

[34:15] Okay, well, the who knows opens up a lot of licorice pizza territory.

[34:19] Not a fan.

Dan McCoy

[34:23] And so this is his, you know, like his parents want to send him away to public school, which

[34:34] is what they call private school in England.

[34:35] I thought he was poor.

[34:36] Because they don't understand what the difference between public and private means in England.

[34:40] It's very sad.

[34:41] It's a...

[34:42] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[34:43] Like a pub in England is not like a private club that only rich people go to, a public

[34:47] house there.

Dan McCoy

[34:49] You know, 50% of the proceeds from this film go to teaching British people what public and

[34:55] private mean.

[34:55] Oh, okay.

[34:56] Wow.

[34:57] And at the end...

[34:58] What?

Elliott Kalan

[34:59] No, keep going.

[35:00] Yeah, I'm just waiting for the pitch to end.

Dan McCoy

[35:01] At the end, he escapes his, you know, dull life by blasting off into space.

[35:09] And we're left to wonder, is this what really happened?

[35:13] Or did he kill himself?

Stuart Wellington

[35:16] See, I gotta jump in here.

[35:18] I gotta say this.

[35:19] I think this category is a little unfair because you have an experienced Hollywood pitch man,

[35:24] Dan McCoy.

[35:27] Clearly, he's used to the room.

Dan McCoy

[35:29] I have literally never pitched anything.

[35:31] I've taken some general meetings.

[35:33] I've never...

Elliott Kalan

[35:33] Well, Dan, I was...

[35:35] Look, that was a wild ride for me.

[35:37] Yeah.

[35:37] When it first started, I was like, I love the title.

[35:39] Then it was like, okay, it's about getting aluminum.

[35:42] It became so much more about the boys' private life.

[35:44] I really lost sight of the aluminum.

[35:46] It felt like it wasn't being centered.

[35:47] And then I was realizing that you were basically stealing the plot of the astronaut farmer.

[35:51] And I was like, hold on a second.

[35:53] Hold on a second.

[35:54] So I'm going to give you two points for that.

[35:58] Okay.

[35:58] Wow.

[35:59] I was going to give you more, but it really lost sight of the aluminum.

[36:01] Stuart, you're up next.

[36:03] Pitch me a movie about platinum.

Stuart Wellington

[36:06] Platinum.

[36:06] Okay.

[36:07] So opening credits, we see Roger Moore's name featured prominently.

[36:14] Wow.

[36:15] And the word platinum is slowly spelled out over his screen.

[36:19] It's incredible.

Elliott Kalan

[36:20] With images of platinum mining and manufacturing.

[36:22] Exactly.

[36:22] Yeah.

[36:24] It's striking.

[36:26] I like you said Dan kind of stole the idea for a movie.

[36:29] I'm just going to steal the opening credits from another film.

Stuart Wellington

[36:32] So the rest of the movie takes place as the rise and fall of a nightclub owner, Roger Moore.

[36:39] And in the swinging 70s where-

[36:44] But it's set now, so it's elderly Roger Moore as a nightclub owner?

[36:46] Roger Moore, who is 70 years old at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[36:50] He might be older, actually.

[36:52] I'm sure that Roger Moore is older than that right now.

[36:54] I'm going to look it up while you pitch.

[36:56] I'm still paying attention, but I'm-

Stuart Wellington

[36:57] In the middle of my pitch, I'm not going to look up how old my star is.

Elliott Kalan

[37:01] I also want to mention Rocky 4 has other rock and roll songs besides the questionable Living in America.

[37:06] There's also Burning Heart, Hearts on Fire.

[37:09] There's a-

[37:09] So I just want to tell if any listener was like mad that Living in America to them is not a rock and roll song.

[37:14] There's other rock and roll songs in it.

Dan McCoy

[37:16] Roger Moore passed away in 2017 at the age of 89.

[37:19] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[37:20] It's going to be a challenge.

[37:22] It's going to be a challenge casting him.

[37:23] But I think with technology, we can do it.

Dan McCoy

[37:25] Well, with modern AI technology and whatnot, we can just scan them and-

[37:29] Thank you.

[37:30] Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

[37:31] Just scan his corpse.

[37:32] Sing them up.

Stuart Wellington

[37:34] So it's all about platinum blonde hair, platinum jewelry, shiny metal, rise and fall of a nightclub.

[37:46] You're going to love it.

Elliott Kalan

[37:47] Okay, Stuart, I'm going to give you zero points.

[37:49] Cocaine is everywhere.

[37:49] I'm going to give you zero points for two reasons.

[37:52] One is there was almost – the platinum was, if anything, entirely negligible to the plot.

[37:57] And also the implication that we will use some kind of technology to bring back a dead actor.

[38:03] One of the major issues in this strike is AI.

[38:05] I cannot stand for it.

[38:07] Cannot abide it.

[38:07] No AI on this one.

[38:09] No, it's totally fair.

[38:10] And when the computers rise up and they hear me saying, no AI on the audio of this, I will take whatever punishment they have for me for being an anti-computer technologist, I guess.

[38:22] Okay.

[38:23] So, Dan, you're up on this round.

[38:25] So here's your one.

[38:26] Let's see what you can do with Pyrite, a movie about Pyrite.

Dan McCoy

[38:31] Let's see.

[38:33] Okay.

[38:35] Pyrite.

[38:39] So this is going to be called Pyromania.

[38:42] Wow.

[38:43] Can I steal?

Elliott Kalan

[38:45] Yeah.

[38:45] Well, Stu, what's your steal?

Stuart Wellington

[38:47] Okay.

[38:48] So, all of our characters are riding around on a ship called the Black Pearl.

[38:53] Yeah.

[38:54] Okay.

[38:54] Keep going.

[38:54] What's the title of the movie?

[38:56] Davy Jones is there.

[38:57] Uh-huh.

[38:58] Oh, from the monkeys, the late Davy Jones.

[38:59] Sure.

[39:00] So is Orlando Bloom.

[39:02] Keira Knightley shows up.

[39:03] Jack Davenport's there.

[39:05] The whole gang.

[39:07] And what's the title of it?

[39:08] I think that's Pyrites of the Caribbean.

Elliott Kalan

[39:10] Thank you.

[39:11] That was the most important part of the joke you were leaving out.

Dan McCoy

[39:16] It's called Roman Polanski's Pyrites.

Elliott Kalan

[39:20] Oh, wow.

[39:20] You guys are really – Dan, the Roman Polanski reference is not getting you any more help.

[39:25] He directed Pirates.

[39:27] He did.

[39:28] And et cetera, et cetera.

[39:29] Pyrites of Penzance.

[39:30] With white-washing history.

[39:32] So, Dan, I'm sorry.

[39:35] So there's been too much Pirates the movie revisionism.

[39:38] So, Dan, your Pyrite movie.

[39:40] What's it about?

[39:41] Stu, that was a great joke.

[39:41] I'm giving you one point for it.

[39:43] Dan, what's your Pyrite movie about?

Dan McCoy

[39:46] So, like I said –

[39:49] Oh, also Ice Pyrites.

[39:50] Dan, continue.

[39:51] So it's Pyrite – you know what?

[39:53] Not Pyromania.

[39:54] Pyrite Mania.

[39:55] Okay, great.

[39:57] And it's about – it's a new gold rush in a small town.

[40:04] It turns out that this town only has Fool's Gold.

[40:08] So, DVD?

[40:10] It only has DVDs.

Elliott Kalan

[40:11] It's where all the unsold copies of Fool's Gold were buried alongside the E.T. Atari game.

Dan McCoy

[40:15] No, the mountains are just lousy with Pyrite around this town.

[40:19] And a second gold rush starts.

[40:22] But the town council, the Better Business Bureau or whatever, they're like, don't tell anyone it's Fool's Gold.

[40:30] Because they are cleaning up, selling, you know, panning goods, pickaxes and whatnot.

Elliott Kalan

[40:39] Because gold mining technology has not changed in 130 years.

[40:42] Yeah, 160 years.

Dan McCoy

[40:45] And the mayor of the town, this woman, falls in love with one of the miners and finds that she is in conflict because she doesn't want to reveal the large-scale deception the town has been engaged in to fleece these people.

[41:05] But she's falling ever more in love with them.

Elliott Kalan

[41:08] Okay.

[41:08] Dan, I like it.

[41:09] I'm going to give you two points because the Pyrite was much more centered on this one.

[41:13] The movie can't exist without the Pyrite.

[41:15] But I was disappointed when you said there's a new gold rush.

[41:18] I at first sight said a nude gold rush.

[41:20] And I was waiting for this to be kind of like some sort of TNA comedy about the town says the only way to dig up the gold is to do it nude.

[41:26] And I thought that was more in your wheelhouse.

Dan McCoy

[41:28] There wasn't enough nudity in the pitch.

[41:30] I'm sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[41:32] Yeah.

[41:33] I've noticed this.

[41:34] If I'm pitching something to Hollywood executives, at the end they go, oh, and by the way, the people are nude.

[41:37] Then they go, can we pay you right now?

[41:39] So, Stuart, it's your turn.

[41:41] Your element you've got to talk about.

[41:43] I think it's a metal.

[41:44] Is manganese.

[41:46] Bitch me a movie about manganese.

[41:50] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[41:52] There is a mine for manganese.

[42:01] Okay.

[42:03] And it's having trouble.

[42:10] Okay.

[42:11] Interesting.

[42:13] Because a bigger manganese mine opened up down the street.

[42:20] Okay.

[42:21] So, our mom and pop manganese mine is going to be put out of business.

[42:30] Okay.

[42:31] So, the local bikini team.

[42:38] All right.

[42:39] Here's the nudity.

[42:42] Have to do a car wash.

[42:45] Uh-huh.

[42:45] Oh, all right.

[42:46] To raise money to save the manganese mine.

Elliott Kalan

[42:51] Okay.

[42:52] Now, I'm going to give you.

[42:53] Wait, wait, wait.

[42:54] Oh, that's okay.

[42:55] And they do it.

Stuart Wellington

[42:58] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[42:58] And the mine is saved.

[43:01] Okay.

[43:01] Dan, you want to steal this one?

[43:03] I feel like, Stuart, you're going to get one point for that because manganese is a tough

[43:05] one.

[43:06] But, Stuart, Dan, you want to try to steal it all?

[43:08] Get some manganese points?

Dan McCoy

[43:12] Sure.

[43:14] I'm going to capitalize on the idea that we clearly don't know what manganese is or does.

Elliott Kalan

[43:21] Dan, does it help to know that manganese was first isolated in 1774?

Dan McCoy

[43:25] Shit.

[43:26] If you told me that before.

[43:30] My pitch is about a manganese professor.

[43:38] Okay.

[43:39] Like he's made out of manganese?

[43:41] Like he's made out of it?

[43:41] No, no.

[43:42] There's a guy, like a con man discovers the dead body of a manganese teacher.

[43:54] I wish listeners could see Stuart's dubious face right now.

[43:56] A manganese teacher.

[43:58] A teacher who specializes in talking about manganese.

[44:02] Okay.

[44:03] And he steals this guy's tenure track position that he just landed.

[44:09] Okay.

[44:09] I'm going to stop you right there, Dan.

[44:11] I'm going to stop you right there.

[44:12] She has to fake.

[44:13] Give him like five points.

[44:14] He has to fake knowing about manganese.

Elliott Kalan

[44:16] No, there's not enough manganese in this.

[44:18] That could be any element.

[44:20] I'm going to steal.

[44:21] I'm going to give myself five points.

[44:22] Okay.

[44:22] The movie is, it's Stuart's start.

[44:24] There's a mom and pop manganese mine.

[44:26] There's a big one going in.

[44:27] But they're secret.

[44:28] They get an orangutan and he can mine manganese fast and everybody else and it's called Mangatan.

[44:32] That's the movie.

[44:33] Okay.

[44:34] So.

[44:34] Okay.

[44:35] Next one.

[44:36] Dan, this is yours.

[44:37] It's Beryllium.

[44:38] I need a movie about Beryllium.

Dan McCoy

[44:42] Beryllium.

[44:43] Yeah.

[44:45] It's called My Beryllium Career and it's about a young lady who has a secret and the secret

[44:57] is that she's made of beryllium.

Elliott Kalan

[44:59] Okay.

[45:00] Better.

[45:01] Better than before.

Dan McCoy

[45:03] And, you know, she has to wear like sort of big blousy clothes and a mask to keep people

[45:10] from knowing her secret.

Elliott Kalan

[45:13] And how does being made of beryllium manifest in her physically?

[45:17] Well.

[45:17] Dan, would it help to know that beryllium, it has a nuclear spin of three over two?

[45:22] That's actually pretty good.

[45:24] Yeah.

[45:24] That might change your mind a little bit.

Dan McCoy

[45:25] Well, yeah.

[45:26] That's the crux of the issue is she has to hide from everyone.

[45:31] Like everyone is, you know, would see her and think like that has a nuclear spin of three

[45:37] over two.

[45:37] Yeah.

[45:38] So she has to hide it, which leads her to be an outcast in the community until a tiny dog

[45:45] that she adopts, you know, like warms her beryllium heart and she opens herself up to.

[45:54] Literally?

Elliott Kalan

[45:54] Because she's made out of beryllium.

[45:55] Does she literally open herself up?

Dan McCoy

[45:57] She opens herself up to being accepted by the community.

[45:59] Sadly, they do not accept her because human beings are often a prejudiced and cowardly lot

[46:08] and they throw her off a cliff.

Elliott Kalan

[46:12] Wow.

[46:13] That was a chilling story of Antioch.

Stuart Wellington

[46:15] I feel like most of my movies end pretty exciting and Dan's are always sad.

Elliott Kalan

[46:19] Yeah.

[46:20] I'm trying to keep...

Dan McCoy

[46:22] I'm grappling with the world as it is.

Elliott Kalan

[46:23] No, you're right.

[46:24] I'm trying to get the American people excited about beryllium here.

[46:26] I don't want to bum them out.

Dan McCoy

[46:29] Well, then change their hearts and minds with my story.

[46:33] That's a good point.

Elliott Kalan

[46:34] Okay.

[46:35] So, Stu, I'm going to give you...

[46:36] Do you want to try to steal this one or you just want to go on to the next one?

[46:38] I want to go on to the next one.

[46:39] Okay.

[46:40] Dan, you get no points for that.

[46:41] Okay.

[46:41] What?

[46:41] So the next one.

[46:42] Okay.

[46:42] I'll give you one point.

[46:44] It looked like it was going to be really beryllium focused when she was made out of beryllium.

[46:47] And then again, once again, it was about people.

[46:49] Okay, Stuart, this is the last one.

[46:51] It's a metal you're very familiar with.

[46:53] I think it's a metal that you'll be able to make a movie about.

[46:56] And that metal is sludge metal.

[46:59] Okay.

[47:00] So sludge metal.

Stuart Wellington

[47:02] We open in New Orleans, Louisiana.

Elliott Kalan

[47:04] I'm just kidding.

[47:05] It's actually dysprosium.

[47:07] This metal is dysprosium.

[47:09] Dysprosium.

[47:10] If it helps, it's a rare earth element in the lanthanide series with a metallic silver luster.

[47:14] Never found in nature.

[47:16] Never found in nature, right?

[47:18] Well, it's never found as a free element.

[47:20] It's found in various minerals such as xenotime.

[47:23] Xenotime, you say?

[47:23] And we're getting towards xenotime.

[47:25] So we should probably wrap up this episode pretty quick.

[47:27] So just tell me a quick story about dysprosium.

[47:29] Okay.

[47:29] So dysprosium.

Dan McCoy

[47:33] Xenotime is when you shoot an arrow and it never reaches its destination because it's in xenotime.

Elliott Kalan

[47:39] I'm giving you a point for that, Dan.

[47:41] Thank you.

[47:43] So...

[47:43] You know what, Stuart?

[47:44] Tell us that sludge metal movie.

[47:45] Let's hear that one.

Stuart Wellington

[47:46] We have a...

[47:47] No, no, no.

[47:48] I can follow the brief.

Elliott Kalan

[47:50] Does it help to know that dysprosium is one of the components of terphenol D along with

[47:54] iron and terbium?

Stuart Wellington

[47:56] Actually, I already knew that.

Elliott Kalan

[47:57] Yeah.

[47:58] You already know that terphenol D is the highest room temperature magnetostriction of any known

[48:02] metal.

[48:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[48:03] By you telling me, it's kind of insulting, actually.

[48:06] Metal-splaining does.

[48:07] Sorry.

[48:08] I don't mean to met-splain to you.

[48:09] Thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[48:09] Thank you.

[48:10] So we open on a mom-and-pop dysprosium mine.

[48:18] And they're having trouble.

Elliott Kalan

[48:19] Just offhand, Stuart, which one of the seven isotopes of naturally occurring dysprosium

[48:25] are they mining?

[48:26] The fourth one.

[48:27] Okay.

[48:28] That's the best one.

Stuart Wellington

[48:30] And a bigger dysprosium mine opens down the street.

[48:34] Wow.

[48:35] Okay.

[48:38] And they have to get an orangutan.

[48:40] Oh, okay.

[48:41] Now I'm listening.

[48:42] Okay.

[48:45] And the bikini team has to do a car wash.

[48:49] We have to do both things.

[48:51] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[48:51] Both things.

[48:52] Wow.

[48:53] So something for the kids and something for the dads.

[48:55] Sure.

[48:55] Okay.

[48:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[48:56] Uh-huh.

[48:56] And then they win and the mom-and-pop dysprosium mine is saved.

[49:02] Stuart, you're getting three points for that.

Elliott Kalan

[49:03] That's the most that anyone's gotten.

[49:05] Dan, do you want to get any points off of this dysprosium?

[49:07] No, I don't.

[49:07] I don't.

[49:08] I don't.

[49:09] I do not.

[49:09] Okay.

[49:10] Well, why don't you guys take a minute to talk about the game and how you liked

[49:12] it while I tally up the scores?

Stuart Wellington

[49:14] Oh, man.

[49:14] So that was really fun, Dan.

[49:15] I feel like you were very good at pitching.

[49:18] Thank you.

[49:20] You weren't as good at-

[49:22] Ending movies?

[49:24] Well, I don't know.

[49:25] I mean, I feel like it's acquired taste.

[49:28] You weren't as good at the round where I knew all the medals were gold and you didn't

[49:34] know that.

[49:34] That was-

[49:36] I don't know what was wrong with me.

[49:38] Yeah.

[49:38] You got to work on that.

Elliott Kalan

[49:40] Okay, everybody.

[49:41] We're back with the scores.

[49:42] Again, a close game.

[49:44] Dan, you should be very good at the scores.

[49:45] I'm going to be very proud of how you did, but not too proud because Stu won.

[49:48] That was the score of 19 to 16.

[49:50] So a close game.

[49:52] And I think if we factor in the fact that I deliberately designed round one to make it

[49:56] easier for Stu, then-

[49:57] What?

[49:58] Then we might as well call it a statistical tie.

[50:01] Thank you, everybody, for listening to this episode of The Flophouse.

[50:03] This was a mini about all the beautiful, valuable things that are just waiting in there inside

[50:08] the earth.

[50:09] And all we have to do is tear open Mother Earth's flesh and rip it out like the scavengers and

[50:13] vermin that we are.

Stuart Wellington

[50:15] Mother Earth seems very pleased with the human race right now.

[50:18] Yeah.

[50:18] We might as well cash in some of that goodwill.

Elliott Kalan

[50:21] For more on the subject, see the song Blackened by Metallica.

[50:24] Okay, everybody.

[50:25] This has been a Flophouse episode.

[50:27] Our producer is Alex Smith.

[50:29] Find him online under the name Howell Doughty.

[50:31] We're also a member of the Maximum Fun Podcast Network.

[50:34] Go take a listen at some of their other fine Maximum Fun Podcasts.

[50:38] If you like this show, why not go on iTunes or your podcast app of choice and leave us a

[50:42] positive review?

[50:43] We would love it.

[50:44] Helps us get the word out.

[50:45] If you'd like to, again, support striking writers or entertainment workers affected by

[50:50] the strike or striking actors, go to entertainmentcommunity.org and make a donation.

[50:54] It is very needed and people are drawing on it.

[50:56] And if you want to pay money to see us, why not go to theflophouse.simpletix.com for

[51:01] our online shows or go to vidiotsfoundation.org to get tickets for our live show on October

[51:06] 19th.

[51:06] Thank you so much for listening.

[51:07] Dan, Stu, you know what the most valuable element is?

[51:11] What's that?

[51:13] Friendship.

[51:14] Oh.

[51:15] Oh, no, wait.

[51:15] I'm sorry.

[51:16] It's actually this rare thing that they make conductors out of.

[51:18] I apologize.

[51:19] But friendship is also very good.

[51:21] Very good.

[51:22] Yeah.

[51:23] This has been Ellie Kalin for the Flophouse saying, I'm joined by?

[51:26] Dan McCoy.

[51:27] Stuart Wellington.

[51:29] And remember, the greatest gold in film is the movie gold.

[51:35] Goodbye, everybody.

[51:37] Bye.

[51:43] Maximum Fun.

S4

[51:45] A worker-owned network.

[51:46] Of artists-owned shows.

[51:48] Supported.

[51:48] Directly.

[51:49] By you.

FH Mini 89 - Screen Gems

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