K-9, LIVE!

[0:00] On this episode we discuss K9! Live from Chicago, Illinois!

[0:31] Don't hurt yourselves.

[0:37] Elliot, Elliot, you're milking so hard!

[0:40] That's how you get milk out of udders, you gotta do it hard.

[0:43] You know that Chicago and cows are mortal enemies.

[0:47] You're right, you're right. That's why they cut them up and eat them.

[0:52] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:56] Hey, what's up? I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:59] And I'm Elliot Kalin. Stuart briefly forgot that this was a show.

[1:02] Well, Dan looked me right in the eye.

[1:05] And you were transfixed.

[1:07] Yeah, you're a regular cow from Jungle Book.

[1:11] That was a reference I was gonna make.

[1:13] That was one for the children.

[1:15] So, this is our late show here at Sleeping Village.

[1:19] That's why Dan's not wearing pants.

[1:22] We talked about another Jim Belushi picture.

[1:25] What do we do on this podcast?

[1:28] Where we watch a movie that perhaps audiences or critics were both rejected.

[1:33] And then we talk about it.

[1:35] Sounds good, so continue, you were saying?

[1:37] This is a late show.

[1:38] This is a late show.

[1:40] We don't often cover movies that spawned multiple sequels like this one,

[1:44] which made K9-1-1, of course, K-19, The Widowmaker.

[1:50] And of course, K-9 and a Half Weeks.

[1:57] I mean, this movie kind of has that scene.

[2:00] It gets uncomfortably in that direction.

[2:03] Yeah, this is another Jim Belushi movie, and this one...

[2:06] During our early show, we talked about a different Jim Belushi movie.

[2:09] Yeah, it was called Taking Care of Business, TCB.

[2:12] Boy, was it ever called that.

[2:13] And this one is called K-9, and it's named after a dog.

[2:17] Yeah.

[2:18] Well, it's not named after a dog.

[2:20] I don't know why I'm filibustering so long.

[2:23] I could just start talking about the movie.

[2:25] We should mention, before the show, for the podcast listener,

[2:27] Dan did a presentation that really roasted Stuart and I hard.

[2:31] And I think he's got this look on his face like he is stalling

[2:33] to keep the show going longer so we don't beat his ass after the show.

[2:38] Like, as long as we have so many eyes watching us, they can't hurt me.

[2:42] The minute we're offstage, I'm going to fastball special Elliot to Dan.

[2:45] Oh, man, that is a beautiful mapping of characters, X-Men characters.

[2:55] So, okay, K-9.

[2:57] Yeah, K-9.

[2:58] It's a movie that I was surprised to find was not like a lovable comedy

[3:03] about a cop and a dog like, say, Turner and Hooch that came out the same year.

[3:07] Yeah, I feel like I saw it as a kid, and I was expecting it to be a

[3:11] Turner and Hooch because it has a lovable star, a comedy star like Tom Hanks.

[3:16] Yeah.

[3:17] In Jim Belushi.

[3:18] In Jim Belushi, yeah.

[3:19] This is like a lethal weapon, but you swap out rigs for a dog.

[3:25] We were talking about it before the show.

[3:27] It's amazing the degree to which this is just a cop buddy comedy

[3:31] where they were like, well, it's probably cheaper if we make one of them a dog.

[3:34] And they didn't change the script at all.

[3:38] So when I first started watching it, I was like, all right,

[3:41] this isn't the music I would put in the beginning of a comedy.

[3:43] Oh, a helicopter gunship is blasting away at a car.

[3:46] Yeah, that's not how I would start a comedy either.

[3:48] Two people are having sex in a car.

[3:51] That could happen in a comedy, Dan.

[3:53] Yeah, it could happen.

[3:54] That's foreshadowing for a later scene.

[3:56] It was a helicopter with gunmen in it.

[3:58] It was not a helicopter gunship.

[3:59] I apologize.

[4:00] Jim Belushi.

[4:01] To all the dads out there who are mad that I misidentified a piece of military armament.

[4:07] That was like when my dad saw Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers,

[4:11] and he couldn't stop complaining about the mistakes with siege warfare presented.

[4:15] I'm like, bitch, there's orcs in it.

[4:17] Ultimately, when my dad saw The Patriot, he was like, that's how they really fought back then.

[4:21] And I'm like, yeah, I guess that's the highest compliment you can pay to a movie.

[4:25] Yeah.

[4:27] So...

[4:28] I also don't think it is how they really...

[4:30] He's throwing a lot of axes and things.

[4:32] I don't think that's what happened.

[4:34] I think the only thing...

[4:35] My dad also was very excited that cannons were presented accurately.

[4:39] Yeah, yeah.

[4:41] This is what happens when I'm in charge of the summer.

[4:44] We end up talking about dads.

[4:45] Yeah, we end up talking about dad military movies.

[4:47] Jim Belushi is Detective Michael Dooley, and he is...

[4:50] Is he ever?

[4:52] He's on a stakeout.

[4:54] Even his girlfriend calls him Dooley, which I think is very funny.

[4:57] He's on a stakeout.

[4:58] He's playing a handheld video game, and as Elliot mentions, a helicopter tries to shoot him.

[5:04] Luckily, he has barged into a car where people are having sex to try and call his girlfriend and be like...

[5:09] To use their car phone?

[5:10] Yeah.

[5:11] Luckily, they have a car phone, yeah.

[5:12] I'm going to be home late, and his car gets shot up by helicopter goons.

[5:18] Yeah.

[5:19] Helicopter goons are the people who won't leave the goons alone to just play on their own.

[5:24] These goons just want to masturbate for hours and hours, and they're just hovering over him.

[5:30] We'll let it happen.

[5:34] The worst nightmare.

[5:36] For some people, it might be what they want.

[5:39] You never know.

[5:40] So Dooley goes to his lieutenant.

[5:41] He's like, I need a new car.

[5:43] The lieutenant's like, hey, why don't you work with a partner?

[5:48] And Dooley's like, no.

[5:50] I'm a movie cop.

[5:52] I decide how I do things.

[5:54] Yeah.

[5:55] We learned that he's on the trail of a drug dealer named Lyman.

[5:58] And also in this scene, the lieutenant punches Dooley, which makes the lieutenant my hero.

[6:03] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[6:05] At home, Dooley's upset his girlfriend Tracy went out with another guy.

[6:09] I think you forgot the most important thing.

[6:11] Yeah.

[6:12] They live in an apartment that has a really sick glass brick wall.

[6:15] It does.

[6:16] It does.

[6:17] It is a cool...

[6:18] That screams class.

[6:19] It's a cool 80s apartment.

[6:20] Yeah.

[6:21] And he's mad Tracy did not just stick around while he stood her up for hours.

[6:26] She went out with a friend.

[6:28] She went out with a friend who's an airplane pilot and a successful novelist.

[6:32] Yeah.

[6:34] I mean, he's got all that time when he's flying the plane to just write, you know?

[6:38] We learned that Dooley's not...

[6:40] Didn't Sully come out with a book?

[6:42] He was like, that was the best they ever did.

[6:47] The end.

[6:48] What just happened to the jet over there?

[6:53] Sully, you're writing a novel and you let a goose go into the turbine?

[6:57] I'm sorry, boss.

[6:58] I'm sorry.

[6:59] We can't let anyone know that all our pilots are writing novels while they're flying planes.

[7:05] Stephen King has been covering for our pilot Richard Bachman all these years.

[7:09] Yeah.

[7:10] It's a real good thing he's doing for the FAA.

[7:14] So right away we see that Dooley...

[7:18] We're in the home of improv.

[7:19] Dan can't yes and or save his life.

[7:23] But anyway, Dan, you're saying?

[7:25] So Dooley goes home.

[7:26] I don't want the good people of Sleeping Village to be here until one in the morning.

[7:30] Good point. Good point.

[7:32] Dooley's not only a loose cannon, he's not a great boyfriend.

[7:37] During the scene, also, of course, Tracy strips through her underwear, providing the hint of sex that any dog comedy needs.

[7:47] You know, Dooley...

[7:48] Never mind.

[7:49] I'm not going to say it.

[7:50] It's horrible.

[7:51] It's going to be a joke about a scene that does not exist in the movie Beethoven.

[7:57] Using a little police...

[7:59] But my novel explores what if it did exist?

[8:02] My novel presupposes what if they did have sex?

[8:08] Dooley uses a little police brutality to learn that Lyman has some drugs.

[8:14] Is that when he handcuffs a man to his car and then drives onto the freeway with him?

[8:18] Yeah.

[8:19] Yeah.

[8:20] Real, real fun stuff.

[8:21] The drugs are in a warehouse that are too big for him to search.

[8:24] So it sounds like he's going to need someone with a nose for drugs.

[8:29] Which brings us to narcotics cop Ed O'Neill.

[8:32] Yeah.

[8:33] From Married...

[8:34] One of two great performances in the movie by future Fox television stars.

[8:39] Dooley bargains for a dog by helping him with a drug bust where he just, like, rams a car through a house.

[8:45] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[8:46] That's great.

[8:47] A totally legal thing for a cop to do.

[8:49] It's a thing that there's no reason for him to get in trouble for that.

[8:52] I was impressed at how quickly he recovered from driving a car through a wall and then just started blasting dudes with his gun.

[8:59] Yeah.

[9:00] Well, yeah, he's Jim Belushi.

[9:01] He's a murder machine, that man.

[9:04] And he's not even in Chicago in this movie.

[9:06] He's in San Diego, right?

[9:08] What?

[9:09] So it's not his native soil.

[9:10] What are we even fucking doing here?

[9:15] Ed O'Neill.

[9:16] Do you think Jim Belushi sleeps in a coffin filled with Chicago dirt?

[9:19] Of course he does.

[9:22] Just to keep his powers.

[9:28] I laughed and then coughed so hard that my spine realigns.

[9:35] Ed O'Neill loans him a canine to find the dog.

[9:38] This is what he's like, hey, give me one of these dogs.

[9:40] And he's like, OK.

[9:41] And he just takes it home with him for a few days.

[9:43] Like, yeah, I don't even think he fills any paperwork.

[9:45] But this is a German Shetland pony.

[9:51] It's a veteran canine officer.

[9:53] But this German Shepherd has some personality quirks.

[9:56] Yeah, it's Riggs, basically.

[9:58] Yeah, he's got trauma.

[10:00] only eats chili. His name is Jerry Lee. Just like Riggs. Jerry Lee Riggs. The search of

[10:12] the warehouse is unsuccessful. Jerry Lee only locates a joint being smoked by a worker.

[10:17] We meet Lyman. Ice is called in to take him away. God. We meet. It doesn't really happen.

[10:23] This is a better world. The 80s when Jim Blue, she was just crashing cars into houses. Yeah.

[10:28] Putting people on the freeway. We meet Lyman, who's one of these 80s action movie like bad

[10:32] guys who's a pillar of the community. He talks. He's also the owner of what the double double

[10:37] deuce. Yeah. It's Kevin Tie Tie. He's also. What else is he in? He's in a lot. He's in

[10:44] lots of things on the show. Emergency. Classic villain actor. He most recently was in one

[10:48] battle after another. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. But he's great. But yeah, he's one of

[10:52] these classic villains who's like he throws a charity gala at his house. But he also in

[10:57] the same room that he shot someone in earlier. And he does a lot of like, officer, please.

[11:01] I'm just an ordinary businessman. I got to stop. He's got the face of a villain. Yeah.

[11:07] Big star spider mandibles. I feel like in the 80s, they understood that those rich people

[11:13] are the villains. Yeah. I'm pretty sure they're sci fi God warriors. They're going to take

[11:18] us to other planets. Yeah. So Julie, Julie follows up on another lead. He goes to a bar.

[11:25] We meet a very young Pruitt Taylor. Yeah. As Benny the mule. Not an actual mule. I was

[11:33] disappointed. He was going to become a Zootopia. He and the other like, why does the Fox got

[11:40] to be a cop in that? That was what I was wondering. It's like animated foxes. I want to be Robin

[11:45] Hood's. I don't want to be cops. Well, if I'm going to want to fuck an animated Fox

[11:49] man, I want to be coming out. Maybe he's a bad cop that sells drugs on the side. OK.

[11:55] I just think it's weird. They have a snake in the movie when there's a snake and bad

[11:58] guys already. What's going on, Dan? Yeah, Dan. What's going on in canine? Oh, is that

[12:03] oh, Benny and the bar flies immediately like grab Julie. They're going to like beat him

[12:11] up or kill him, maybe. And he's saved by Jerry Lee and Jim Belushi's character. Julie responses

[12:18] by yelling at the dog a lot. I do. I remember that scene where they throw the pool ball

[12:24] at Jerry Lee and he catches it in his mouth and bites it and crunches it. Yeah, I remember

[12:27] as a kid I was like, that's pretty cool. That dog's sick. That dog should be the star of

[12:32] this movie. I mean, I still feel that way. I mean, kind of. Yeah, there's a bit. It gives

[12:39] up the location of the next shipment of drugs. And there are some hilarious joke scenes where

[12:44] Julie tries to put deodorant on the dog with the dog crushes the can. So Julie proves he's

[12:48] willing to ruin his car to win a fight with a dog by sending his convertible through a

[12:52] car wash with the dog in it. And this dog who is growling and burying its teeth the

[12:58] entire time, he then sends in the car wash crew to dry it off. And it's like, don't do

[13:02] that. Stay away from that dog. What are you doing at home? Jerry Lee acts like the perfect

[13:08] dog in front of Tracy. Yeah. And and Julie seems like he thinks the dog is going to steal

[13:15] his girlfriend. Yeah, because he's such a bad boyfriend. The dog is instantly a better

[13:21] boyfriend. There's and the dog is making it difficult for them to have sex. Yeah. Yeah.

[13:27] Give him a whole frozen steak. It's great. Yeah. I get a lot of Jim Blue. She and Justice

[13:33] boxer shorts for the ladies. Yeah, probably good for Tracy that the dog is cock blocking.

[13:40] But I don't know. From the movie we talked about in the early show, we know Jim Blue.

[13:43] She is a dynamo in the sand. That's right. In taking care of business. You don't got

[13:47] a business. He was taking care of sex business. There's there's a scene at a restaurant that

[13:53] I only mentioned because Dan Castellaneta is in it. That's the second appearance by

[13:56] a future Fox TV star. And he's hilarious in it. Yeah. Yeah. I would. I was like, I so

[14:01] wish he was the cop in this movie. But I mean, he appropriately treats this man with

[14:08] this thing. This is before he has beach hijinks and assaults a woman. Yeah. Yeah. To avoid

[14:15] to avoid the bad guy seeing him. He does the classic sitting in a chair on the beach fully

[14:20] in his suit and everything. Yeah. Yeah. Having is like bad guy business meeting. Yeah. And

[14:24] Julie does the classic like I'm going to use his BBM bad guy business meeting Brazilian

[14:30] business meeting. He like kisses this woman, but like like lays on top of her. And she

[14:37] responds sensibly by kicking him in the nuts. It is the closest I've seen on film to a story.

[14:43] Someone once told me about being in a hotel room and a ghost laying on top of them while

[14:47] in the middle of the night. Was that Dan Aykroyd? Yes, it was Dan Aykroyd. No, it was somebody

[14:53] else. But I'm sure he has that story. Yeah. There's a chase scene where like Jim Belushi

[14:59] unfortunately makes a jump from one roof to another. Just like the hit movie. One roof

[15:04] after another kills the bad guy instead. Julie finally gets a man falls to his death. And

[15:11] he goes, was it like now there's a guy who's going to need to forget what the joke was.

[15:14] It was like, sir, a man just died. Yeah. And even if you don't care about it, like there's

[15:20] a lot of paperwork. You seem pretty blase about this. There's a man who's going to remain

[15:25] silent or something like that. It's like, well, you wanted information from him. This

[15:28] is bad for you. I mean, this is the kind of movie where when he would go back to the office

[15:31] to fill out the paperwork, the dog would just eat it. And they'd be like, oh, I guess. Yeah.

[15:37] And this leads into a scene that like if we had, you know, unlimited time, I assume would

[15:42] take up the next hour of discussion where there's a part. We talked about the scene

[15:48] where the dog won't let them have sex. Well, that's what I know. This is. So actually right

[15:53] before this, there's a part where he figures out that this car dealership is involved in

[15:57] the. Oh, yeah. Blah, blah, blah. But then. Yeah. We get a scene that's initially set

[16:03] to yellows. Oh, yeah, this. And, you know, that is the the unofficial theme song of the

[16:10] 1980s. Oh, yeah. Elliot Kalins doing it mix. It's on my 80s doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful.

[16:19] Yeah. The 90s. Yeah. More beautiful. I know. Not for the first time after watching this,

[16:27] I went back to the Wikipedia entry about the song. Oh, yeah. And I read about how so it's

[16:32] but it's by yellow, which is just two guys mainly. And the one guy writes the music and

[16:36] the other guy is the vocalist. And it's about how when the vocalist came in and he had written

[16:40] lyrics for this song and the guy was like, no, no, no. I just want you to say, oh, yeah.

[16:45] Really slow. And he was right. Yeah. But the reason this song kicks in a song, a song that

[16:55] was it was I could only be tamed when Congress passed the put this in a Twix commercial.

[17:03] This is here because Jerry Lee is getting horny for a poodle in another car. And Jim

[17:07] Bluejeans going like, oh, yeah, she's hot. Oh, she's sexy. Yeah. And Julie encourages

[17:13] Jerry Lee to go fuck some stranger's dog in that stranger's car in their car. Yeah. And

[17:18] the owner shows up and he tries to distract him briefly. But, you know, the owner sees

[17:23] what's going on. And so then he tries to pay the owner to let the dogs fuck. This is while

[17:28] the car is like bouncing around. Yeah. Yeah. And the owner starts acting like a pimp asking

[17:33] for more money until Julie reveals he's a cop. And the dude's like, have at it, man.

[17:37] And and then Jerry Lee, presumably having achieved orgasm, jumps out of the car to the

[17:44] strains of James Brown's. I feel good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's the kind of moment there's

[17:49] like everyone go to jail right now. Straight to jail. So, Dan, you wouldn't say this is

[17:57] the kind of scene that film was made for. I like I had to watch this movie. You know,

[18:02] I watched this movie straight through and then I like sort of scan that one scene over.

[18:08] I scan through the whole movie again to take my notes. And it seemed egregious the first

[18:13] time. But the second time, it's just like this fucking movie, like the balls to put.

[18:18] I feel good at the end of the scene. That dog felt good. Yeah. That also just imagine

[18:25] the person writing this movie and it's like Julie stands in front of the car window trying

[18:30] to block the view of Jerry Lee having sex with the poodle. It's like, what do you what

[18:35] are you doing? What's going on? It's just like the writer of was a bad boys, too, where

[18:39] they wrote two rats have sex in the attic. Martin Lawrence is transfixed. Or a preview

[18:49] for an upcoming episode. Mouse with enormous balls runs out of Carla Gugino's shoe. That's

[18:54] for the preview for the episode about the one coming out. So listening to this episode,

[18:59] of course, will have already heard that episode. That's a little piece of time travel for you.

[19:04] Thank you. You know, it's good thing we had this moment of levity because now Julie has

[19:09] returned home to discover that lineman as as kidnapped Tracy lineman lineman. Yeah,

[19:16] it's kidnapped Tracy. And there's like weird phone messages where Tracy like seems like

[19:20] she's like trying to say this without saying it. Yeah. To, you know, like preserve plausible

[19:26] like deniability for the criminal. So she doesn't get killed. Yeah. Using answering

[19:30] machine technology. Yeah. And then the kidnapper gets on the phone is basically just like,

[19:37] if you ever want to see your girlfriend again, fuck it. Back the fuck off. You know, it's

[19:41] like, OK, well, you know, I stay. Yeah. I forgot it was he thought Julie was on the

[19:48] other end of the line. Yeah. Yeah. Julie crashes a party at lineman's mansion and lets the

[19:55] dog on the table, discharges his gun. I was going to say he fires that he shoots out the

[19:59] lights.

[20:00] This is a wild play because he intentionally, he is acting a little crazy and trigger happy.

[20:06] He threatens Lyman's life with a bunch of people in the room.

[20:09] Yeah.

[20:10] And it's revealed later on.

[20:11] Which is a crime if you're not Jim Belushi.

[20:13] That was an intentional choice because he wanted to pretend that he was going to be

[20:18] taken to jail, but in fact his cop buddies were just going to let him loose and do his

[20:22] job or something.

[20:24] But he didn't tell anyone about it.

[20:25] So they're just like, no, we have to take you to jail.

[20:27] No, we're like, we're going to take you to jail like you did a bunch of wild stuff.

[20:32] Luckily, Jerry Lee has a little roost up his sleeve.

[20:35] Yeah.

[20:36] All that, all that chili that Jerry Lee ate earlier was Chekhov's chili because Chekhov's

[20:42] chili is the chili with real guns in it.

[20:48] Every commercial for Chekhov's chili starts with the maid servants at the house talking

[20:52] about the chili and who's going to eat it and what it's made out of.

[20:56] Undercover of farts, Dooley and Jerry Lee escape.

[20:58] There's got to be a movie called Undercover Farts, right?

[21:02] And it's some Italian comedy.

[21:06] On their stakeout, Dooley tells the story of how he and Tracy met, which is basically

[21:10] that he fell for her when she didn't automatically treat him with contempt for being Jim Belushi.

[21:16] And he was also, he was on a stakeout watching drug dealers from a beach bathroom.

[21:20] Yeah.

[21:21] Then he saw her and he was so turned on by her applying ChapStick that he had just had

[21:25] to go over to her smelling like a beach bathroom.

[21:29] Then what else could she do?

[21:30] And presumably hot dogs.

[21:32] Yeah, yeah.

[21:33] But I mean, that's just his natural smell.

[21:36] But they grab the drug truck, they go to the desert where Tracy's being kept.

[21:41] Dooley pretends his video game is a detonator and he's going to blow up the truck full of

[21:45] cocaine unless, you know, he surrenders the girlfriend back.

[21:50] And the plan works until the video game makes a noise that it's not a detonator.

[21:54] That's good screenwriting.

[21:56] It's kind of wild that they knew that that sound was for a video game.

[21:59] Yeah.

[22:00] Well, most detonators don't go.

[22:01] Yeah.

[22:02] Why bow?

[22:03] Yeah, I mean, like the like probably the Joker's detonators do that.

[22:09] There's a shootout.

[22:10] Dooley kills like the second command.

[22:13] Jerry Lee chases lineman who shoots the dog.

[22:16] And Dooley's.

[22:17] No, he's a bad guy.

[22:18] Shoots back like the kid at the end of Old Killer.

[22:22] That's the villain of that movie.

[22:23] The biggest villain in cinematic history.

[22:25] Yeah, but the but the but Lyman's actually killed by the buyers who arrive in a helicopter

[22:30] and they're like, the deal is blown that he's caught in the crossfire between the between

[22:35] the gun, those guys and Dooley.

[22:37] So maybe Dooley shot him.

[22:38] I don't know.

[22:39] Yeah.

[22:40] Dooley and Tracy cinema fans will debate for years.

[22:44] They rush the fatal shots.

[22:46] They rush the dog to the hospital where they rush the dog to a human hospital where multiple

[22:51] people tell like as opposed to a hospital where like dogs are performing surgery.

[22:58] I've seen a painting that's kind of like that.

[23:00] Yeah.

[23:01] Yeah.

[23:02] Yeah.

[23:03] There's a painting where all the dogs are playing poker at an examination table.

[23:04] But and multiple people tell him, we don't we don't take care of dogs here.

[23:08] And he's like, get out of my way, bitch.

[23:10] And if it's like they're like, they don't know how they don't know how to take care

[23:13] of dogs.

[23:14] He does.

[23:15] He does bully a surgeon into, you know, taking the gun out and puts it on the table.

[23:24] It's like, you're going to fix this dog.

[23:26] Yeah.

[23:28] And Dooley briefly thinks the dog has died because Jerry Lee, that scamp, you know, plays

[23:33] dead.

[23:34] But I mean, he immediately goes into the recovery room and like, yeah, he's going to be asleep

[23:39] or something.

[23:40] Right.

[23:41] He just had surgery.

[23:43] He's been around.

[23:44] It seems like he doesn't know it's the recovery room.

[23:46] He thinks it's the dead dog room.

[23:48] So where they'd have that in a non-dog hospital.

[23:52] No, they would have a dead person room.

[23:54] He delivers this like monologue to the oh, if you were only alive, I'd let you sleep

[23:59] at the end of our bed.

[24:00] Yeah.

[24:01] And I'm going to take you and Tracy and the poodle to Las Vegas so you can marry the poodle.

[24:07] And then the dog wakes up and like he's immediately like, I would never do that for a manipulator

[24:11] like you.

[24:12] Well, the dog that you see the dog open his eyes and then close his eyes again to pretend

[24:16] he's dead.

[24:17] Some more.

[24:18] Yeah.

[24:19] Because this dog has human intelligence.

[24:20] But, you know, in the canine TV show, they did it.

[24:24] They did a TV spinoff where it was released as Canine Thousand as like a direct to video

[24:28] movie, I think.

[24:29] But it was supposed to be the pilot for TV show where the dog does have like a computer

[24:31] chip in its brain so that it can like analyze crime.

[24:35] And so maybe they did that in this one.

[24:36] They just didn't tell anybody about it.

[24:38] Well, are you do you make all that up?

[24:42] No.

[24:43] That's a real thing.

[24:47] If I was going to make something up, I would tie it.

[24:49] No, it's not.

[24:50] If I was going to make it up, I would have said it was related to Puchinski, the the

[24:54] pilot about the police officer who gets reincarnated as a dog.

[24:57] But even though Belushi like has immediately rescinded his offer, of course, cut to him

[25:02] doing exactly that.

[25:03] This is really a poodle that they apparently stole or bought.

[25:09] This movie does not know how to end.

[25:11] Yeah, there's so many moments.

[25:12] I was like, and that's the end of the movie.

[25:13] Oh, no.

[25:14] Here's a shot of Las Vegas.

[25:15] Like, yeah, no, they drive to Las Vegas as a Ico Ico.

[25:19] Yeah.

[25:20] A cover of Ico Ico by the Dixie Cups plays.

[25:23] And there you go.

[25:24] That's canine.

[25:25] That's the story of canine.

[25:26] Do you think it should have ended through the centuries?

[25:28] Do you think it should have ended like cut to black immediately the moment Jerry Lee

[25:32] got shot?

[25:33] I think it should have ended like the French connection where you just the bullet sound

[25:37] just reverberates, reverberates, reverberates, and you cut to a shot of Jim Belushi.

[25:41] And then there's something like kind of mysterious happens.

[25:42] You don't know what it is.

[25:43] And it's over.

[25:44] And I think, yeah, people would be like, Canine, what a movie.

[25:47] Wow.

[25:48] Really pulls the rug out from under the audience.

[25:50] But then halfway through the credits, there's a scene that is the actual end of the movie.

[25:55] And if you left early, you don't know how that were sinners and.

[26:01] So yeah, final judgments, whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie or a movie

[26:07] we kind of like.

[26:08] Like, I got to admit, at the beginning of this movie, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

[26:14] no.

[26:15] Don't get worried.

[26:16] That's like, I didn't like this movie.

[26:17] But then that poodle came in.

[26:18] And then.

[26:19] Oh, yeah.

[26:20] All I can say is to yellow.

[26:25] No, like at the beginning of this movie, as it started, I'm like, oh, the crap of my youth

[26:32] has a certain nostalgic pull, even though I didn't see it back then.

[26:35] I'm like, oh, this is, you know, this is going to be a fun, dumb, like cop comedy.

[26:41] And then as it went on, like his behavior was so agreeable, just like I can't enjoy

[26:48] it.

[26:49] No.

[26:50] I say bad.

[26:51] But what do you say, Elliot?

[26:52] I also say that I will say this for one.

[26:55] The score is hilarious because it is the most 80s cop movie score I've ever heard in my

[26:59] life.

[27:00] But also there's some parts of this movie that look really good.

[27:02] Like I would meant to look up who the cinematographer was because it's a bunch of scenes are really

[27:06] like the way they were shot.

[27:07] I don't like what they're shooting, but I like the way they did it.

[27:10] But otherwise, it's bad.

[27:11] But he's so the duly is such an unlikable character.

[27:15] The stuff with like it's like it's just not the cop stuff is not interesting.

[27:20] It's not fun enough.

[27:21] Like we're thrilling enough that you're like, oh, are they going to catch him?

[27:24] You know, the dog stuff is not funny enough.

[27:25] Yeah.

[27:26] The twists and turns like I'm watching this movie to watch a fucking dog have hijinks,

[27:30] dude.

[27:31] I don't care about what the fucking mystery is.

[27:33] No.

[27:34] I mean, there's a couple of performances that I like in the movie, but it's like I like

[27:36] those performers.

[27:37] I'd like it.

[27:38] O'Neill's only in for a short time.

[27:39] I think he's great in it.

[27:40] Like I was like, oh, I wish Ed O'Neill was playing this part, you know, instead of being

[27:44] a sort of Dutch, you know.

[27:47] But yeah, I don't know if it would have crushed, but still would have crushed it, but I would

[27:51] all say bad, bad movies.

[27:52] Do what do you think?

[27:53] Yeah, it's a bad, bad movie.

[27:54] I remember watching it as a kid and like liking it.

[27:56] But I think that was just because I was really into the dog sex part.

[28:02] Well, that's how your parents introduced you to the idea of sex, as they showed you

[28:04] that.

[28:05] They sat me down.

[28:06] They stopped and said, what did we learn?

[28:10] So what's your thing now?

[28:14] We had Terminator for that, guys.

[28:16] Oh, because your grandma was the grandma from from what's it called?

[28:21] That dumb one.

[28:22] What?

[28:23] Hillbilly Hillbilly outhouse or whatever it's called.

[28:25] No.

[28:26] Do you remember?

[28:27] She's in.

[28:28] What's it called?

[28:29] The Ron Howard movie.

[28:30] She's like, I don't know.

[28:32] Close that.

[28:33] Thank you.

[28:34] Hillbilly.

[28:35] She's like, she's like, there's good Terminators.

[28:36] There's bad Terminators.

[28:37] That's what I learned from this one.

[28:38] Dear Lord.

[28:39] Well, that would have been Terminator two, right?

[28:40] Okay.

[28:41] That's true.

[28:42] There's only a bad Terminator.

[28:43] I'm shutting this down in favor of.

[28:44] I couldn't remember the name of that stupid movie.

[28:45] Taking some questions from folks.

[28:46] If you're interested in talking to us, there's a microphone right there.

[28:47] That movie, Hillbilly Grandma.

[28:48] And it sounds like a movie where grandma shoots drug dealers with a shotgun.

[28:49] Yeah.

[28:50] That's a good movie.

[29:01] Yeah.

[29:02] To cover the time as everyone walks.

[29:05] Of course, I will do my rendition of Yellows.

[29:08] Oh, yeah.

[29:10] Oh, I'm doing do do do do do.

[29:13] Oh, never mind.

[29:14] Where's the Don't do.

[29:15] Don't do.

[29:16] Oh, no, I know the part.

[29:17] Yeah.

[29:18] Yeah.

[29:19] Yeah.

[29:20] So yeah.

[29:21] So that's a big recommendation for yellows.

[29:22] Oh, yeah.

[29:23] If you're taking a day off from school, that's the song to listen to.

[29:26] When you steal your friend's dad's car.

[29:30] Greetings, I am Jon Hodgman, co-host and co-creator of the Judge Jon Hodgman podcast, along with

[29:38] Jesse Thorne here on the Maximum Fund Network.

[29:41] And I am here with Max Fund member of the month, Keith, who has been a Maximum Fund

[29:47] member since when, Keith?

[29:49] Oh, at least three or four years now.

[29:51] I don't recall exactly when I fell prey to the pledge to drive, but it got a hold of

[29:57] me and I have yet to relent.

[30:00] Oh, and we shall not ever let go.

[30:00] Now, you join us telephonically from a different country from ours, which is which?

[30:06] I moved to Vira, Portugal back in August of this year.

[30:09] I hear evening birds chirping behind you.

[30:12] What are the names of those birds?

[30:14] We do have quite a few spoonbills and quite a few flamingos as well.

[30:19] So what would you say to the birds around you and the people listening who are considering

[30:23] supporting the show?

[30:24] You know, it's just nice to have a little bit of investment in the things that I love,

[30:30] knowing that I'm making sure that those podcasts are still being created.

[30:33] Makes me feel good.

[30:34] We're so pleased to have you be our Maximum Fund member of the month.

[30:38] Thank you very much, Keith, in Portugal.

[30:41] This month's Maximum Fund member of the month.

[30:44] Obrigado.

[30:45] Become a Max Fund member now at maximumfund.org slash join.

[30:50] On Judge John Hodgman, the courtroom is fake, but the disputes are real.

[30:55] Brian would say I'm the Gumby of this family.

[30:59] He's just not.

[31:00] Claiming to be Gumby is an un-Gumby-like claim.

[31:04] No, it's just Gumby and I being our authentic selves.

[31:08] So what's your complaint?

[31:09] Too many sauces?

[31:10] There are no foods on which to put the sauces.

[31:13] Have we named all the sauces on the top shelf yet?

[31:15] Not even close.

[31:17] You economize when it comes to pants.

[31:20] Truly, it's not about the cleanliness of the pants.

[31:22] Well, why isn't it?

[31:23] This is what I want to know.

[31:25] Judge John Hodgman, fake court, weird cases, real justice.

[31:29] On maximumfund.org, YouTube, and everywhere you get podcasts.

[31:34] Hey, it's Dan breaking in to say if you're enjoying this live show or you like Flophouse

[31:40] live shows in general, but you couldn't make this one in Chicago, we're going to be back

[31:47] at San Francisco Sketch Fest in January of this upcoming, rapidly upcoming year.

[31:54] We'll be at Cobb's Comedy Club again at Sunday, at Sunday, on Sunday, January 25th at 4 p.m.

[32:03] You can come out and see a Sunday show without being worried about being tired at work all

[32:08] week because it's in the afternoon, 4 p.m.

[32:12] We'll be talking about The Master of Disguise.

[32:15] We'll finally see if we're turtley enough for the Turtle Club.

[32:19] For tickets to that, you can go to sfsketchfest.com and click the link for the lineup.

[32:26] You can get to it through there, or you can just go to flophousepodcast.com and click

[32:31] on events.

[32:32] Also, you know what?

[32:35] We got a couple of sponsors.

[32:37] Hey, this podcast is sponsored, brought to you in part by Squarespace.

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[33:44] use offer code FLOP to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[33:50] Also, we're sponsored by Aura Frames.

[33:54] If you want to spread holiday cheer this season, maybe gift an Aura Frame because it's a way

[34:01] to keep your family close to you.

[34:05] You know, we've all got people that put a smile on our face, and maybe you want to see

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[35:15] This deal is exclusive to listeners, and frames sell out fast, so order yours now to

[35:20] get it in time for the holidays.

[35:22] Support the show by mentioning us at checkout.

[35:25] Terms and conditions apply.

[35:27] And lastly, we got a J-J-J-J-Jumbotron.

[35:33] And the Jumbotron goes thusly, hey guys, I wrote a book.

[35:39] A history of shock film tells the story of how movies have broken taboos and caused controversy.

[35:45] I pick 321 official shock films, ranging from Elliot's scariest movie, Persona, to Stewart's

[35:53] favorite movie, Ricky O, The Story of Ricky.

[35:56] Sorry, Dan, stop making sense, doesn't have enough sex or violence.

[36:01] Now back to my favorite podcast, The Flip Horse, with Stan, Doo, and Killing It Alien.

[36:08] Sorry, with Stan, Doo, and Killing It Alien.

[36:12] I got those all mixed up.

[36:14] Sometimes words sound like other words.

[36:16] XOXO, Eddie Daniels.

[36:20] And Eddie wants you to find the history of shock film by Eddie Daniels on Amazon, barnesandnoble.com,

[36:27] or bookshop.org.

[36:30] Sounds like a lot of fun.

[36:33] Now, back to Chicago, where we're talking about canine.

[36:40] Hey, so we're going to be doing some questions from the audience.

[36:45] We have a limited amount of time.

[36:47] Keep it tight.

[36:48] You're talking to me?

[36:49] Yes.

[36:50] He was talking to me the whole time.

[36:52] Hello.

[36:53] Hello.

[36:54] John, last name withheld.

[36:55] Hey, John.

[36:56] Just curious, you know, I bought various amounts of merchandise, but I've never bought an album

[37:00] from you guys, like a music album.

[37:02] If you had to come out with a music album to represent the flap house, what songs would

[37:06] you choose for yourselves?

[37:07] I mean, we've talked about a couple of them tonight already.

[37:10] Yeah.

[37:11] Yeah.

[37:12] So this is where you would soundtrack other artists.

[37:15] This is not this is not music.

[37:16] It's not like other artists or would you commission like an original song in particular?

[37:21] Yeah, sure.

[37:22] Who would we commission an original song from?

[37:24] Probably Alex, who's written original songs.

[37:27] He goes with the name HowlDotty online.

[37:30] Sexy Xenomorph.

[37:31] Yeah.

[37:32] He's the house cat.

[37:34] Yeah.

[37:35] I would make it sound as much like, I don't know, like a Don Henley song as possible.

[37:39] So either Alex or Seal.

[37:41] Yeah.

[37:42] Yeah.

[37:43] Seal.

[37:44] What's your second favorite Seal song?

[37:45] The Kiss from a Rose remix.

[37:48] Second Kiss from a Rose.

[37:53] Yeah.

[37:54] Kiss from a Different Rose.

[37:55] Parentheses.

[37:56] Uh oh.

[37:57] I mean, that's a good giallo movie title right there.

[38:00] It is.

[38:01] That is a good giallo movie.

[38:02] Yeah.

[38:03] So I think that answers that question.

[38:04] Yeah.

[38:05] Thanks.

[38:06] Thank you.

[38:07] Hello, ma'am.

[38:08] Hello, ma'am.

[38:09] Hello.

[38:10] My name is Audrey, last name withheld, not McCoy.

[38:14] Yeah, you only have to withhold half your last name.

[38:16] Yeah.

[38:17] My question for you guys is for Dan's presentation.

[38:21] Go on.

[38:23] He said that it was my idea and I just said, oh, it would be cool to do a presentation

[38:28] on how to do presentations.

[38:30] I did not say, oh, you want to roast your friends?

[38:34] And thank you.

[38:35] I'll take my answer sitting down.

[38:37] Yeah, yeah.

[38:38] You didn't say, hey, you should hurt their feelings like really bad.

[38:42] I feel like...

[38:43] You know what?

[38:44] You know what would be really funny?

[38:45] If you humiliated the people closest to you.

[38:47] I feel like that's the logical conclusion though, right?

[38:50] That's implied.

[38:52] It's inherent in the...

[38:54] Yeah, make them look like fools in front of all their cool friends in Chicago.

[38:59] Take them to a city where they're already strangers looking for a warm hand

[39:04] and take that hand and slap them in the face with it.

[39:08] I thought it was funny.

[39:12] Yes, please.

[39:13] Hello.

[39:14] My name is Holly and I liked this movie slightly more than Taking Care of Business

[39:19] and I think that was just because there were some shots of just there is a cute dog on screen.

[39:23] So do you think...

[39:24] Like what bad movie would you insert a cute dog into to make it a slightly better movie?

[39:29] Oh, that's a good question.

[39:32] I mean, I feel like...

[39:33] That's tough because I feel like you can insert a cute dog in like any bad movie

[39:37] and it's going to make it a little better, right?

[39:39] Yeah, well, you look at something like Troll 2,

[39:40] that's a movie you could have a cute dog in at some point, right?

[39:43] Yeah, like the people who made the movie had to have had a dog around, right?

[39:47] Why don't they just put that thing in?

[39:48] They had to have, yeah.

[39:50] Was that movie A Boy and His Dog?

[39:51] Is there a dog in that?

[39:53] Sure.

[39:54] I feel like it has to be one that's just like boring.

[39:58] You don't want to see anything bad happen to that movie.

[40:00] No, no, no, no, exactly, like, but what if in the middle of that terrible RoboCop remake,

[40:05] just like the dog runs by and then the camera follows the dog.

[40:08] Yeah, just on its day, just going, I mean that is, to be honest, that is the way that

[40:12] Jack Frost, which we did recently for Puff TV, ends, which is the dog just goes somewhere

[40:16] and the camera follows the dog for a while, and it's the best scene in the movie, yeah.

[40:20] Yeah, what's that dog getting up to next?

[40:23] This dog that's untainted by the events of the movie, yeah.

[40:27] Stu, so what do you think, Story of Rickia?

[40:30] That's a good movie, Eliot, but yeah, it would be better with a dog.

[40:34] That's the thing, is that, like, presence of a cute dog is going to improve any movie,

[40:38] good or bad.

[40:39] Yeah.

[40:40] That's the stance I'll take.

[40:41] Although, to be fair, if I was watching, say, Empire Strikes Back, and they're on Darth

[40:45] Vader's Star Destroyer, and a cute dog runs by, I want questions.

[40:47] Are you saying Chewbacca is not a cute dog?

[40:50] I'm standing up for Chewbacca.

[40:51] Chewbacca is clearly a bear man, but he has elements of doggishness about him, yes, that's

[40:56] true.

[40:57] Doggishness.

[40:58] So, yes, those are the movies.

[41:02] Good question, thank you.

[41:03] Thank you.

[41:04] Okay.

[41:05] Next question.

[41:06] Hi, I'm Kaylee.

[41:07] Hi.

[41:08] So, I was watching this movie, like, an hour before we walked over here.

[41:14] I'm sorry.

[41:15] Cramming for the test.

[41:16] Thank you.

[41:17] It really felt like it.

[41:18] We were like, dear God.

[41:19] I've got to find out if the K is going to nine before I go to the show.

[41:22] So, as it ends, you know, it pops up, what we think you should watch, and I'm watching

[41:28] it with my brother, because he's here with me, and he goes, K-9-11, huh?

[41:33] And I was like, I think that says K-9-1-1.

[41:36] Yeah.

[41:37] But if Jerry Lee had been on that plane.

[41:42] If Jerry Lee and Mark Wahlberg had been on that plane together.

[41:48] So, my question is, the fuck would that movie look like?

[41:52] Oh, my.

[41:53] K-9-11.

[41:54] You know that that is, okay, if they really made that.

[41:57] It's going to be better than this one, I can tell you that.

[41:58] Yes.

[41:59] It would be, the only taste, halfway tasteful way to make the movie, is to make that dog

[42:03] a rescue dog, who's, like, pulling people from the wreckage.

[42:06] The tasteless way to do it is to have a dog on the plane, and one of the terrorists is

[42:10] a dog.

[42:11] And the two dogs, they're from.

[42:12] Now, it's more of an Air Buddies situation.

[42:16] Exactly.

[42:17] Yes.

[42:18] Exactly.

[42:19] So, we have a rescue dog.

[42:20] How is that rescue dog going to have sex with a poodle, though?

[42:24] That's when, at the end of the movie, when he comes home from work, it's like, rough

[42:27] day.

[42:28] Oh.

[42:29] Real rough.

[42:30] I thought, I thought it was going to be a mild.

[42:31] Oh, man.

[42:32] He just burned all the goodwill.

[42:33] Dog situation.

[42:34] But.

[42:35] No.

[42:36] It'll be like in the Denzel Washington taking Apollo 1-2-3, where he keeps coming back

[42:39] to his gorgeous wife, just lying around the bed, waiting for him to come home so he can

[42:43] have sex with her.

[42:44] And I'm like, this is very different from the original movie.

[42:48] But it creates suspense.

[42:49] You're like, will that sex ever happen?

[42:50] But, yeah, I think they made the mistake of naming that movie when 9-1-1 was more on people's

[42:57] heads than pronouncing it the other way.

[43:00] That show 9-11 is on TV and it's a huge hit.

[43:02] No, no, Ellie.

[43:03] You're making the same mistake.

[43:04] Oh, no.

[43:05] Thank you.

[43:06] Thank you.

[43:07] 9-11.

[43:08] Hi.

[43:09] I'm Rachel.

[43:10] Last name with health.

[43:11] Hello.

[43:12] Hello.

[43:13] Hello.

[43:14] So I know a friend of the Plop House podcast, Matt Singer, he does a lot of the reviews

[43:19] of different foods.

[43:20] Yeah.

[43:21] He's killing himself.

[43:22] Yeah.

[43:23] Yeah.

[43:24] OK, so a company, a food company, say like Denny's or Buffalo Wild Wings comes up to

[43:29] you and asks you, we need a Flophouse themed menu.

[43:33] What are your signature dishes?

[43:35] Well, we definitely have to have fried chicken.

[43:38] Gotta have fried chicken on there.

[43:39] But I don't want to compete with Popeye's because I know I'll fail.

[43:42] There can't be any fruit on the menu where Ellie would be mad.

[43:45] As long as it's just not on the plate with the fried chicken, I'll be OK.

[43:48] Dan was like, he went in L.A., you went to like a Korean fried chicken place.

[43:52] He sent me a picture and there was all this fruit displayed on top of the chicken.

[43:55] And I was like, you burn that place down.

[43:59] Don't really don't really do that, anybody.

[44:01] I mean, you got to have a beef wellington.

[44:03] Yeah.

[44:04] Yeah.

[44:05] Mm hmm.

[44:06] And a beef stew.

[44:10] A beef wellington stew.

[44:13] I've never wished that my name lends itself to a food pun previously, but now.

[44:18] Dan McCoy.

[44:19] Personal Dan Pizza.

[44:20] I just did it.

[44:21] OK.

[44:22] Can I tell you, like, I don't I don't think I would have a good.

[44:26] I don't think I would have a good answer anyway.

[44:28] But right when we got that question.

[44:31] And that feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[44:34] Did you bet on DraftKings that Dan wouldn't have an answer to this question?

[44:37] Now you're throwing the game.

[44:39] When we got that question, I realized that, like, I put this tiny clock that we brought

[44:45] from home to to be here.

[44:47] So, you know, there's a clock above the stage, there's a giant clock right here that tells

[44:51] me the time and the temperature.

[44:55] Your clock doesn't do that.

[44:56] Yeah.

[44:57] So it's so much better.

[44:58] Yeah.

[44:59] It's got the date on there.

[45:00] That's a good clock.

[45:01] You should steal that.

[45:02] No, I couldn't.

[45:03] So you got it.

[45:04] Fried chicken.

[45:05] Beef stew.

[45:06] Wellington.

[45:07] Beef wellington stew.

[45:09] It's like a like a bowl of cereal, but instead of like crisps or some shit, it's a little

[45:13] beef wellington.

[45:14] Yeah.

[45:15] It's a stew.

[45:16] Yeah.

[45:17] It's a stew.

[45:18] You guys get it.

[45:19] No, I didn't know.

[45:20] I thought there were two separate dishes.

[45:21] You're right, Dan.

[45:22] You don't have an answer to this question.

[45:23] Dan, Dan noodles, something like that.

[45:25] Yeah.

[45:26] Yeah.

[45:27] Yeah.

[45:28] All right.

[45:29] We did it.

[45:30] Thank you.

[45:31] So I guess.

[45:32] Thank you.

[45:33] So let's.

[45:34] If there's a restaurateur in the audience or someone wants to invest in a restaurant.

[45:35] I mean, I own bars.

[45:36] I could do that.

[45:38] I can't stop looking at this clock.

[45:39] Not to distract from the clock, but Peter, last name withheld.

[45:40] Hello.

[45:41] Canine was a unanimous bad, bad, but perhaps because our leads were miscast.

[45:42] Okay.

[45:43] You think they should switch roles?

[45:44] Yeah.

[45:45] No, no.

[45:46] You keep everything else the same.

[45:47] It's like, it's like, it's okay.

[45:48] It's like a dog cop who has to get a Jim Belushi out of the kennel and take him home.

[45:49] Where Jim Belushi has to keep a dog cop from having sex with his dog wife?

[45:50] Yes, Jim Belushi has sex with a dog cop.

[45:51] Yeah.

[45:52] Yeah.

[45:53] Yeah.

[45:54] Yeah.

[45:55] Yeah.

[45:56] Yeah.

[45:57] Yeah.

[45:58] Yeah.

[45:59] Yeah.

[46:00] Yeah.

[46:01] Yeah.

[46:02] Yeah.

[46:07] Yeah.

[46:08] I was gonna posit what is the perfect actor animal combination that could save this movie?

[46:13] If that was the only two things you changed?

[46:14] So something that I said to Dan and Stewart last night, when we were talking about this

[46:18] movie ahead of time, sorry guys, you missed some of it.

[46:20] Was that it feels like with this and the movie you talked about in the earlier shirt, Taking

[46:24] Your Business, it seems like Jim Belushi was getting roles that were written for Bill Murray

[46:28] or a Bill Murray type person where he has this natural charisma where he can do, he

[46:33] can be mean and break rules and stuff.

[46:35] And you're like, oh, but the way he does it, it's funny in this movie.

[46:38] And I feel like if you had him as the cop, you get away with a lot more of this type

[46:41] of stuff.

[46:42] Now, the dog, I don't know how to recast the dog.

[46:45] I mean, I feel like the dog is not the problem per se.

[46:48] The dog is doing what the dog.

[46:49] The dog is listening to the credits, Jerry Lee playing Jerry Lee.

[46:51] And you know, there's multiple dogs that play that part.

[46:53] But like, what if it was like a Komodo dragon?

[46:56] Yeah.

[46:57] Now you're talking.

[46:58] That's what I'm talking about.

[46:59] Very dangerous.

[47:00] I would love that.

[47:01] Yeah.

[47:02] Some kind of big water monitor or something.

[47:04] Or like a macaw, like a big bird.

[47:07] That's like a condor.

[47:08] Yeah, we'll give you one of the police condors.

[47:14] Take a tip from a police or police cassowary, you can snip out drugs.

[47:17] Don't let him kick you.

[47:18] Take a tip from Joke Farming by Elliot Kaelin.

[47:20] You can also dehyden.

[47:21] What if it's a gerbil?

[47:22] OK, now you got it.

[47:27] It's called G9.

[47:28] It's like, ah, what am I supposed to do with this?

[47:33] So when Jim Lucey's in that bar and they're about to kill him, he's like, get him, get

[47:36] him.

[47:37] And the gerbil's just kind of like chewing on a paper towel roll.

[47:40] Yeah, that's funny.

[47:42] Good work.

[47:43] Good work.

[47:44] Better movie.

[47:45] OK.

[47:46] Yeah.

[47:47] Thank you.

[47:48] Thank you.

[47:49] Good one.

[47:50] These are great questions tonight.

[47:51] Sometimes we do these shows and the questions are poor, but these ones are really good.

[47:53] Well, shit.

[47:54] That's a lot of pressure on me.

[47:56] Yeah.

[47:57] You're going to do great.

[47:58] You're going to do great.

[47:59] Shelby, last name withheld.

[48:00] First of all, very upset about the idea of Beef Wellington from Denny's.

[48:03] There is absolutely no shot that is worth anything.

[48:06] But Dan Dan Noodles from Denny's you're OK with?

[48:10] You make a fair point.

[48:11] Why don't we settle on personal Dan Pizza?

[48:14] We call the restaurant Danny's.

[48:17] There's a moon over my Danny.

[48:20] Everything's Dan.

[48:21] Stuart's like, I feel like we brainstormed past the point where we had a pretty good

[48:24] idea.

[48:25] It's all lateral.

[48:26] I'm going to walk around a bit.

[48:30] So my wonderful husband, Christopher, turns 40 on Thursday.

[48:35] Happy birthday.

[48:36] Yeah.

[48:37] He's in the back.

[48:38] But so I want to say 40 is the new 20, or at least they did when Cougar Town was a new

[48:42] show.

[48:43] That was the ad slogan.

[48:45] Well, to that end, do you have any suggestions for movies to prep him for this next stage

[48:50] of life, this proper middle age to really get him ready for what he should anticipate?

[48:54] I will say there's one movie that's about what it's like when this is 40.

[48:58] But I don't think it's don't watch that.

[49:00] That's not that's not it.

[49:02] You'd love that guy's movie.

[49:03] Yeah.

[49:04] What do you think, Dan?

[49:05] It's just like, are there just like educational films about like proper, proper posture and

[49:11] like how to reduce strain on joints?

[49:15] Because that's mostly what's on my mind these days.

[49:17] I mean, I was anything like Ken Burns, Cocoon, dude, Cocoon.

[49:22] Yeah.

[49:23] Or just, you know, like, did you know when Wilford Brimley made the movie, he was only

[49:27] 31 years old.

[49:30] Did you know he was younger than Tom Cruise was when Tom Cruise was older than him when

[49:34] he made that movie?

[49:35] Or just any of those dad movies you were talking about earlier.

[49:38] Just start shuffling.

[49:39] Yeah, well, maybe it would be King, Master Commander, oh, Stuart, you're not even a dad

[49:46] and you love these movies.

[49:47] Yeah.

[49:48] Yeah.

[49:49] King of Heaven.

[49:50] That's another one, too, I think.

[49:51] Yeah.

[49:52] In dad movie territory.

[49:54] Yeah.

[49:55] Last Duel would be a really good dad movie.

[49:56] Yeah.

[49:57] Sure.

[49:58] Yeah.

[49:59] Yeah.

[50:00] a dad movie yeah probably the duelists that's a great dad yeah really Scott's

[50:04] movies are all dad movies yeah yeah yeah like alien yeah didn't he but didn't he

[50:11] also do like white squall right yeah no no he's maybe the daddest movie there

[50:14] ever was definitely so is he a dad or no no we super don't oh shit okay never

[50:18] mind then um no the energy is right okay yeah yeah yeah I wonder there's not I

[50:23] feel like I haven't I have not seen a movie that gets across what entering

[50:28] middle-age feels like it feels like movies mostly do stories of young people

[50:31] or old people they don't do a great job of doing that time of life unless it's a

[50:35] movie like they don't mean again it's not a great movie like the family man

[50:38] where it's always about a guy who like he wishes he had something different but

[50:42] then he finds out what he had was the best and it's like okay Ross yeah yeah

[50:47] it's a magic snowman yeah thank you what's a good let's see what did I start

[50:58] getting interested in when I turn 40 yeah I don't know vitamins yeah hello

[51:05] Taylor last name with hell Taylor hello I am a hospice nurse I actually came

[51:11] from a eight to eight shift but it is actually very joyful work and I would

[51:22] like to know if you could pick the last movie that you were going to watch what

[51:27] would you pick I think about this a surprising amount because I am often

[51:33] like watching a movie for the Flophouse and I'm like am I gonna die before I see

[51:36] another movie there's so much I want to see but I'm watching canine I mean I

[51:42] understand that feeling but also I feel like if I knew I probably wouldn't pick

[51:47] a new movie no no you'd pick something you know is special to you yeah I would

[51:51] pick like a Parks Brothers movie or something they're like yeah let me laugh

[51:54] at something please yeah yeah I think so or maybe the Muppet movie that'd be a

[51:59] good I think you should do them up on me yeah I mean I'm good yeah cuz then you

[52:02] if they say life's like a movie write your own ending and you go I am and I

[52:05] have yeah I mean like the obvious answer would be like the Lord of the Rings

[52:10] movies but also like it like it would extend quite a bit death you can't get

[52:17] me until I finish watching these movies and at the end of Return of the King

[52:20] I have you now Oh the Hobbit oh nine more hours of life for you but I'd also

[52:28] say like any Miyazaki movie like Spirited Away or something would be like

[52:33] yeah like the warm bath of a movie yeah I don't know I might want to see I mean

[52:38] every almost every year for a crank to high voltage no no kick me out of this

[52:44] funk yeah almost every year for my birthday I just end up watching taking

[52:47] Pelham one two three again so it might be that but I don't know maybe Wizard of

[52:50] Oz yeah yeah that's a great a good one a good pig

[52:55] no thanks okay great movie great movie there's a reason that people are paying

[52:59] top dollar to see it at the dome but that's a sweet question I'm gonna think

[53:07] about that some more yeah I'll go I'll go home and ask my kids to be like what

[53:12] movie should I watch before I die they're like cars too they might say and

[53:19] that's the worst one hello Bryce last name withheld so I'm gonna see I'm gonna

[53:27] make sure that I'm not this person but I can't wait to find out what kind of

[53:32] person this is that you're not I used to have to write film reviews and there was

[53:36] one night in which I had to review two movies at once and the first movie was

[53:40] Zombieland the second was the Patton Oswalt film Big Fan okay and the

[53:44] Zombieland film screening ran way over so I got to the Big Fan screening across

[53:50] town with maybe 15 minutes till it left and there was a Q&A with Patton Oswalt

[53:55] afterwards and I saw a another film critic at a far more reputable

[54:01] newspaper walk up and be like who I knew was at the Zombieland screening be like

[54:06] hey I just want you Patton Oswalt Oswalt in your own words to just explain

[54:12] what the movie is about that's amazing so I just want to see if like you ever

[54:20] any stories about a Q&A after a screening or anything like that where

[54:25] you've experienced such a another egregious or funny audience encounter

[54:29] that's amazing the balls it would take to do that I wasn't watching good so

[54:37] this wasn't this wasn't at a film screening I've seen some good ones and

[54:42] some bad ones but there was a what a life we would time to watch Lord of the

[54:48] Rings I guess we went to we went to a live podcast taping of our friends the

[54:55] McElroy brothers for my brother my brother and me it was great and they

[54:59] were introduced by Lin-Manuel Miranda who came out and he was great and then

[55:03] like you know Lin watched the rest of the show from the side and was loving

[55:07] every minute of it like no man has loved a podcast before but like midway

[55:12] through the show during the Q&A a guy came up to ask you a question he was

[55:15] like hey yeah I'd like to do a rap battle with Lin please whoa and they're

[55:22] he's like yeah I think I should do it it was like the weirdest thing I've ever

[55:27] seen like the fucking stones on this guy that is even worse than asking Patton

[55:33] Oswalt to do your homework for you about the movie yeah I go into like a fugue

[55:37] state with it when anything too uncomfortable happens so I feel like I

[55:41] blocked everything out very low tolerance but I think that I know you've

[55:45] talked about something before along these lines I don't mean to put you on

[55:48] the spot because now you don't seem to remember I mean I've seen a bunch I

[55:51] haven't seen any that are as good as stewards but I've definitely been at a

[55:53] lot of Q&A's where someone gets up and they're like this is my chance to become

[55:58] best friends with the person who is on stage right now and I've seen audiences

[56:02] boo people asking questions because they will not stop just trying to like get be

[56:08] like what's the thing I can say that will make this person say we should hang

[56:13] out the Konami code here yeah exactly but I'm trying to think of a specific

[56:17] one but I don't know that there's a there's a I will say that one uh there

[56:21] was one time so Stuart and I years ago we went to see a screening of only God

[56:25] forgives and and Nicholas Wending Reifen and what's his face the star of the

[56:30] movie Ryan Gosling were there afterwards and that was one of the best

[56:33] answers I've ever heard was someone said to Ryan Gosling is there a role that

[56:37] another actor played that you wish you could play and he goes Freddy Krueger no

[56:40] not a weight no no pause he just comes and and the crowd lost they went crazy

[56:47] but then there was another guy that he goes and he went as an aspiring

[56:50] filmmaker myself and the audience started booing so bad and I felt so bad

[56:56] for this guy and then yeah he was like no they were some advice and it was a

[57:02] terrible question but Nicholas Wending Reifen had a great answer for it but it

[57:04] was like I felt so bad for this guy because I'm like that's a dumbass

[57:07] question but also like the whole audience turned against you so quickly

[57:12] thank you so much and thank all of you for being here late on a Sunday I mean

[57:22] speaking of which I'm sure they'll Lord's Day they will need not mine kick

[57:26] us out at some point so I don't know how much time we have we'll try and sign

[57:30] some things afterwards if people want that but we should say our names and get

[57:36] off the stage I wait who's gonna say which name uh you say Stewart's and I'll

[57:41] say yours okay and you say mine wait but I'm saying Stewart's and yours I've

[57:48] been Dan McCoy let's just keep it easy I'm Stuart Wellington I'm Elliot Kalin

[57:54] thank you very much Chicago thank you Sleeping Village you've been wonderful

[58:08] yeah Elliot Elliot did some real champion vamping as I tried to that's

[58:14] why they call me the vamp champ what was going on I just realized that's a

[58:24] more traditional way to start a show than to say what went wrong at the first

[58:28] show yeah there's no more Dan McCoy way to start a show then to litigate the

[58:33] problems of the first show um I asked us the first thing I'll ask it again who's

[58:39] been to a show before a flop house show yeah yeah not just any show I saw the

[58:46] Celine Dion no uh and who here is not familiar with the flop house and

[58:54] somebody else brought you okay okay get ready for the ride of your life get

[59:03] ready for an immersive theatrical experience oh that'll have you

[59:07] questioning now what is life everyone close your eyes take out $30 and hold it

[59:13] in an open palm this trick will blow your mind yeah okay

[59:22] maximum fun a worker owned network of artists owned shows supported directly

[59:28] by you

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