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Ep. #415 - Gigli, LIVE from SF Sketchfest!

liveshow Episode #415 Feb 3, 2024 00:54:33
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Transcript

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Gilly!
[0:04] Live from San Francisco Sketch Fest!
[0:30] Thank you for providing proof to the audience at home.
[0:41] There's no way that we could have just stuck that noise in.
[0:44] You can't add fake crowd noise. It's illegal.
[0:47] It's illegal. I passed the law, Dan.
[0:49] The FDA would not approve.
[0:50] Thanks, Biden administration.
[0:52] Those are pretty lengthy notes, dude.
[0:54] Are you sure you're going to get through this one?
[0:56] We'll do what we can.
[0:57] Thank you to Cobb's Comedy Club.
[0:59] We are here in San Francisco.
[1:01] We are talking about Gilly, which starts with Mr. Ben Affleck.
[1:07] Now, we don't have a lot of time, so I'm not going to interrupt Dan and mention that
[1:10] Cobb's Comedy Club is named after the funniest salad.
[1:12] Dan, continue.
[1:14] We just don't have time for it.
[1:16] So, Dan, continue.
[1:18] So, Dan, you picked Gilly because it had nothing problematic in it, right?
[1:23] It's just a simple open and shut kidnapping case.
[1:26] Honestly, we talked about, like, what should we talk about on this tour?
[1:29] You know, we've never had Gilly.
[1:31] Why didn't we do Gilly?
[1:32] And then I'm like, oh, right.
[1:35] There's some terrible stuff in there.
[1:37] Challenging material on this one.
[1:39] Luckily, it's in the hands of Dan McCoy.
[1:42] Gilly starts with Mr. Ben Affleck talking directly to us, the audience.
[1:47] We think this is him as Larry Gilly.
[1:51] Turns out he's talking to someone he has stuffed in a dryer
[1:55] because we've learned that he's a mob collection man.
[1:58] Of course, the natural casting for an Italian mob collector, Mr. Ben Affleck,
[2:05] the Beantown bad boy.
[2:07] He played a regent of France recently in Medieval Times.
[2:11] He can do anything.
[2:12] Look, he's thrown into a terrific act.
[2:15] Thank you.
[2:17] How could they cast this man who's not actually Batman to play Batman?
[2:23] I would argue that Affleck is doing what he can with an impossible role.
[2:27] I will give him that.
[2:28] In this one or with Batman?
[2:30] Well, maybe both.
[2:32] Okay.
[2:33] So he's outside later on in Santa Monica Boulevard with his boss, Louis.
[2:39] In beautiful Los Angeles.
[2:41] Oh, no.
[2:42] Guys, I forgot what city we were in.
[2:44] Jesus.
[2:46] Pander correctly.
[2:49] Now, he explains early on, my name is Gilly.
[2:52] It rhymes with really.
[2:53] So when I was trying to watch Gilly, of course, I didn't want to.
[2:58] I'm a modern man.
[2:59] I don't want to have to type in Gilly.
[3:02] I want to be able to just talk.
[3:04] That's five whole letters.
[3:05] That's five letters.
[3:06] Who has the time?
[3:07] I want to talk to my remote.
[3:08] Your hands are busy.
[3:10] Calm down.
[3:11] Calm down.
[3:12] He's just eating a big sandwich.
[3:15] I want to just be able to talk to my remote.
[3:17] I was talking to the Apple TV.
[3:19] Gilly.
[3:21] Gilly.
[3:22] Nothing.
[3:23] My wife, Audrey, says, just give it to me.
[3:26] And she goes, Giggly.
[3:28] Immediately it comes up.
[3:30] And I would argue that this is problem one of a troubled film.
[3:34] Immediately it comes up and it's like, you want to buy this, right?
[3:36] And you're like, okay.
[3:39] Based on your viewing history.
[3:45] I asked Gilly to kidnap a family member of a guy who's bothering an
[3:48] associate of his in New York.
[3:50] Do we mention who Louis is?
[3:51] Louis.
[3:52] The mom ball.
[3:53] The Weasley mom ball.
[3:54] Who is it?
[3:55] I just don't know if we had mentioned that.
[3:56] I had just mentioned Louis.
[3:57] Oh, okay.
[3:58] Elliot, this will go longer if you.
[4:00] Interrupting is going well.
[4:02] Yeah.
[4:03] So who's Gilly?
[4:06] His name is Giggly.
[4:10] So the person that he wants to kidnap, he's in a mental home.
[4:15] This is a character played by Justin Bartha.
[4:18] The guy who's always asleep in the hangover movie.
[4:20] The guy who's always asleep in the hangover movies or hanging off a
[4:23] moving van in National Treasure.
[4:27] And he is playing in this role someone with some sort of mental
[4:31] disability.
[4:33] Not sensitively.
[4:35] I don't think it's his fault so much as the movie.
[4:39] He has what we would call sort of a movie mental disability where little
[4:44] bits and pieces of actual things are just sort of mixed together into a
[4:48] stew of something that doesn't actually exist in life.
[4:51] But it's one of the fundamental issues with this film.
[4:56] Yeah, one of the two fatal flaws.
[4:58] The idea that like, oh, we're going to love this guy who's kidnapping
[5:01] this.
[5:04] And calling him a variety of slurs and whatnot.
[5:06] Yeah.
[5:08] And I think he assaults him at one point.
[5:10] Yeah, it's not great.
[5:11] And he kidnaps him.
[5:12] It's the plot of the movie.
[5:13] Yeah, it's true.
[5:15] But he's lovable.
[5:18] So Gigli's talking to Brian and he gets Brian to go with him by saying
[5:21] that he's on his way to the Baywatch.
[5:23] And Brian loves the Baywatch.
[5:25] Brian keeps talking about how he wants to go to the Baywatch.
[5:28] And he's like, yeah, I'll take you to the Baywatch.
[5:30] And then he does do a bit where he keeps picking up, what is it?
[5:34] Something in his car.
[5:35] He keeps picking up a flashlight to pretend.
[5:37] Pretending it's a phone.
[5:38] Because, again, the movie is treating this other character.
[5:41] You can get a fucking telephone that looks like a pair of lips, Elliot.
[5:44] It makes sense to me.
[5:45] Or a football.
[5:46] In the world of the movie, it works.
[5:47] Or like Garfield's torso.
[5:49] You're all missing the most baffling part of this.
[5:53] He pretends to talk on this flashlight.
[5:56] And then later on he uses his cell phone.
[5:59] Oh, yeah.
[6:00] He could have just pulled out his cell phone and pretended to have a
[6:02] conversation.
[6:03] But he's like, oh, the Baywatch is closed today.
[6:04] I guess you've got to come to my apartment.
[6:06] Okay.
[6:07] This is the hero of the movie.
[6:08] So, Gigli's apartment, where we're going to spend most of this film.
[6:16] Brian says he wants to go home.
[6:17] Gigli says he's got to stay there.
[6:19] I will say this apartment is like an accurate representation of a weird
[6:22] single dude's apartment.
[6:24] In L.A.
[6:25] One lamp.
[6:26] There's no art on the walls.
[6:27] They make a point of talking about how there's no books in the whole
[6:29] place at one point.
[6:30] Yeah.
[6:31] He wants to read a story as to read the back of a hot sauce bottle.
[6:35] To complete it, they should have just had a cutaway shot of how there's a
[6:38] plastic shopping bag hanging on a cabinet as a garbage can.
[6:42] Yeah.
[6:43] I feel like that's the sign of a single man's home.
[6:47] Why would I buy something to put trash in?
[6:49] I just throw it away anyway.
[6:51] I mean, for me, that's trash overflow.
[6:53] You know, like once you've filled up the main trash zone.
[6:57] Rather than.
[7:00] Remember, I couldn't type in five letters.
[7:03] That's a fair point.
[7:04] You're always eating those.
[7:05] You're like, I can't take the trash out.
[7:06] The sandwich is taking forever.
[7:08] Yeah.
[7:09] Ricky played by J.
[7:11] Low, Jennifer Lopez, who, you know, as we were saying before, you know,
[7:18] Ben and Jennifer got together.
[7:21] Better for one.
[7:22] This is the first benefit.
[7:23] The first benefit.
[7:24] This is the only benefit to serve two non-consecutive terms as benefit.
[7:28] Yeah.
[7:30] It was broken up by another benefit.
[7:32] Yeah.
[7:34] She she reveals that Lewis hired her to be sort of be a, you know,
[7:39] a second babysitter because he did not trust Julie.
[7:42] She's another second babysitter.
[7:44] Would have been a way better name.
[7:47] He is so threatened by this affront to his masculinity that immediately he
[7:52] starts being mean to Brian,
[7:53] who was actually treating with a fair amount of sensitivity before she
[7:56] showed up.
[7:57] But then he's like, I'm a man.
[7:59] Who can I dominate?
[8:01] Who's weaker than me?
[8:02] Yeah.
[8:03] They all have dinner together.
[8:05] It's clear that this is supposed to be this makeshift family unit,
[8:08] which is, I guess,
[8:10] why they have made Brian the way he is in this.
[8:14] They were like, oh, we can't have Julie kidnap a child to have this family
[8:19] unit.
[8:20] So let's do this worst thing.
[8:21] Yeah.
[8:22] I would argue that they could have had him kidnap a child.
[8:25] I see kid and a mobster kidnaps him.
[8:28] But it's I mean, it's literally the story of the ransom of Red Chief.
[8:30] Like it's been done already.
[8:32] Then you pay O'Henry money.
[8:35] And he's got a lot of high priced lawyers.
[8:37] Candy bar cash.
[8:38] And he needs a fucking story by credit.
[8:40] Yeah.
[8:41] And then he's like, you know, I really see you directing.
[8:44] This is M night Shyamalan.
[8:45] Like we get it.
[8:46] You love twists.
[8:47] We understand.
[8:49] Well, at the end,
[8:50] Julie sold the kid in order to buy hairbrushes for Jennifer Lopez.
[8:56] Julie puts Brian to bed by, as you said,
[8:58] readings of Basco bottle to him.
[9:01] He, you know,
[9:02] comes on to JLo by saying she can sleep in his bed.
[9:07] And he comes out in a robe and poses.
[9:09] And he spends a lot of time posing.
[9:11] Yeah.
[9:12] He's like talking to himself up, dude.
[9:14] You got JLo in your bed.
[9:16] He talks.
[9:17] You're just going to fucking ice cold.
[9:19] That one just walk out.
[9:20] I mean,
[9:21] he must figure he's halfway there living on a prayer.
[9:23] Well,
[9:24] he does.
[9:25] Yeah,
[9:26] there's a lot of talking about who's the bull and who's the cow,
[9:28] which will come back up again.
[9:30] There's two.
[9:31] There's two animal metaphors in this movie.
[9:33] And neither of them work.
[9:34] The bull and the cow one and later one involving a turkey that we'll get to.
[9:37] Yeah.
[9:38] But this is where we.
[9:39] Oh,
[9:40] God.
[9:41] This is where we learned that Ricky.
[9:42] You chose this life.
[9:43] Dan Ricky.
[9:45] Ricky says,
[9:46] Julie is not her type because she is a lesbian.
[9:49] This is the period in time where Ben Affleck only romance lesbians on screen
[9:56] with a surprising amount of success.
[9:59] Yeah.
[10:00] Second ruinous choice them like I I get from a screenwriting perspective
[10:05] What the movie thinks it's doing it's it's you know, like Julie is the toxic masculine guy
[10:11] Who needs to be taken down by a woman who is his?
[10:15] opposite
[10:16] number but yeah
[10:17] Simply make her bisexual that is a thing that exists in the world and then would make sense
[10:22] You wouldn't be like I'm angry now that you are telling me that Ben Affleck can turn every lesbian
[10:27] Okay, Monday morning quarterback over here I
[10:30] Think that I've written some gili fanfiction
[10:33] He's gonna pass it out after the show. I told him not to the thing is and why they include all these drawings he made
[10:41] What's goofy doing in here?
[10:44] You know what he's did he does you're a grown-up you have kids. Yeah, he did
[10:50] Yep, Goofy's just doing whatever you have to do to have kids. Yeah when you
[10:56] What the thing is maybe they thought it was progressive because it kind of wins her over by
[11:00] Spoiler becoming the more the softer kind of more subordinate one in the relationship, but we'll see how that happens
[11:06] It's still dumb. It's so every once in a while this movie will sort of electrify as a you know
[11:13] a brilliant actor wanders on screen and
[11:17] And that happens for the first time here as creepy cop Christopher Walken comes in it delivers a book in acting clinic
[11:24] Yeah, but is he supposed to be a creepy cop or he's a regular cop that Christopher Walken has brought him
[11:30] He's just a normal cop, but he happens to be played by Christopher Walken
[11:34] And it is a little bit like his character from the dead zone like figured things out and became a cop and but he's still him
[11:41] Just before we walked out on stage my wife revealed that when she was watching the movie she noticed that when he
[11:46] Stood up from a seated position that his balls
[11:49] Stuck on the chair longer than the rest of his pants, and I
[11:53] Stumbled toward the entryway to the stage shocked and not knowing what to do with myself
[11:59] But that's also why you got a spring for the 4k. Yes, you lose details like that. That's the sort of detail. Yeah, otherwise
[12:06] Are you mentioned Christopher Walken's best line? Yes? I'm getting there, but first we have to lay a little pipe here
[12:15] Narratively
[12:17] Christopher Walken explains that what is actually happening here is that Brian is the prosecutor's brother for a
[12:25] Mob trial that's going on on the East Coast
[12:28] The kidnapping is attempt to leverage this prosecutor
[12:32] And so he's like you wouldn't know anything about that
[12:35] And he said he like sort of wanders around the room being menacing and then at the end
[12:40] And I apologize coffee cup that's been emptied the entire time. Yeah, which makes it even scarier
[12:46] Is he doing cuz you don't know you don't know if he knows or not he's drinking the memory of coffee I
[12:54] Apologize because I do not have a great Christopher Walken, but I have to make some attempt at doing something here
[12:59] It's friend it now you guys do it
[13:02] Don't make excuses
[13:04] After Julie claims. He knows nothing
[13:07] Into the scene walking goes man. You know I'd love to do right now go down to Marie Callender's. Give me a big bull
[13:15] Pie some ice cream on
[13:17] Good, I can't do it. I'm terrible
[13:22] It's not over yet the best part of the line isn't there
[13:25] Put some on your head your tongue would slap your brains out trying to get to it
[13:30] Interested sure it's not not to give you notes Dan. No terrible
[13:36] But also the way he said that just lady goes goes goes
[13:38] It was put some on your head your tongue. I'd slap your brains out trying to get it like he yells it
[13:44] It's I had to pause it and be like what did he just say yeah, I rewound it
[13:50] He's saying it nonce he's saying nonsense, but he's saying it suddenly so loud
[13:56] Yeah, you know I'm gonna. I'm just gonna. You know just to let us think and I'm gonna read it straight
[14:01] The utter nonsense man. You know what I'd love to do right now
[14:04] This is at the end of a scene where he's trying to
[14:07] Intimidate is the last pretty much the last thing Christopher Walken says in the film go down to Marie Callender's
[14:13] Get me a big bowl pie some ice cream on it
[14:18] Good
[14:19] Put it on your head your tongue would slap your brains out trying to get to it
[14:25] interested
[14:26] Sure, and she lead to his credit is like no. I don't my tongue to slap my brains out of my head
[14:32] Worst best case scenario. I'm still sitting there with pie and ice cream on top of my head
[14:36] Can my tongue not wait, I'm gonna I have to put it in my mouth to use it
[14:40] I'm not gonna tease my tongue. You don't get this. It's gonna go with my butt instead
[14:45] If you want this pie you gotta go through me and by me it's my head
[14:52] So they're naturally terrified at this point. I wish the movie then just followed Christopher Walken on it around his day
[15:00] Didn't do anything particularly dramatic, but just talk to everyone he runs into
[15:03] Particularly dramatic, but just talk to everyone he runs errands with about that
[15:08] Picking up my dry cleaning
[15:11] So they go in a car
[15:14] Left a note in the pocket
[15:18] Can't read it anymore
[15:21] So they are going a car ride to get Brian out of the house
[15:24] They go to this fast-food place where some kids have a lot of music on she only wants to fight them
[15:29] Ricky says she'll take care of it, and she does this
[15:32] Scene where it's like she threatens to like she does this thing where she tries to intimidate them what she does
[15:38] By threatening to rip their eyes out
[15:41] She gives a long speech of a long speech martial arts
[15:44] And there's this one specific way you can rip an eye out that then removes your memories of what you've seen at the same time
[15:50] This medieval alchemy medicine that she has sense
[15:53] She's purveying as one of these things that only works in a movie because if there's one thing I know that
[15:58] Unruly teens in real life is they would start laughing immediately
[16:02] Instantly if you want to stop some unruly teens from playing their music loud
[16:06] Put a hockey mask on be six and a half feet tall kick that boombox out of the way
[16:10] They get mad show them your scarred zombie face under the hockey mask. They will leave only way it works
[16:17] But but she does it without you bite with her words
[16:20] Whereas a fleck as he leaves says nice computer breaks the computer and says suck my dick calm
[16:28] That was that was cutting-edge at the time the the internet was pretty new that illustrates the feminine and the masculine way to deal with
[16:36] Conflict now he'd be like at suck my dick dot blue sky. Yeah
[16:41] That was the URL you use for your presentation, right?
[16:46] The back in the car
[16:48] Julie gets a call from his mom. We cut to mom's house where Julie is giving his mom a shot in her butt
[16:55] It's Laney
[16:57] From the Bratz movie and many other things. Yeah
[17:00] inspiration for Big Barda, yeah, yeah, yeah, but uh
[17:03] Brian has to pee so he and Ricky come into the house
[17:07] And initially the mom is very excited about the idea that Julie is is dating her but
[17:13] International recording
[17:16] But JLo says oh, she's a lesbian and the mom now seems very interested
[17:21] Saying that sometimes men have their limitations and heavily
[17:25] Implying past same-sex encounters of her own and getting very flirty with JLo
[17:29] Yeah, this again. I would rather the movie was then about yeah, because I'm trying to romance Jennifer Lopez. Yeah better movie
[17:37] So in this in her name is Julie, too. You don't have to change the title. Yeah
[17:44] If that's what you're worried about you don't you say you printed the posters I know you don't change it it's fine
[17:50] Send people millions of people around the country. Just put Laney Kazan's face over Ben Affleck's face on the posters
[17:56] Now in this film the next thing is it's called a street team. Just send them out
[18:01] in this film rich with incident
[18:05] Nighttime is Julie's apartment again
[18:10] Ricky is doing yoga
[18:12] For a long time for a long time slowly Julie tries to convince that JLo
[18:18] Tries to convince JLo that men are genetically designed to please women he tell you, you know
[18:23] He talks about this whole scene was a lot like what was going on my hotel room this afternoon
[18:28] Including me describing
[18:30] You know, okay
[18:32] well
[18:32] what happens next where where Ricky then starts talking back like
[18:36] Talking about how great women are women are saying that the thing that you want to kiss of course our lips you want to kiss
[18:41] Lips and the mouth is the twin sister of the vagina
[18:45] But she says this it's like calm down Alan Moore
[18:52] But Alan Moore would say it in tarot terms
[18:55] Of course the wand and the ball or do you know?
[18:58] She says this in in several more words slowly and breathily while doing yoga. This is a long monologue
[19:04] This is and I give JLo credit for being able to perform it while doing yoga without stopping and being like what am I doing?
[19:10] Yeah
[19:13] Audrey who helped me take notes has what I said at this point, which was oh my god, the scene goes on forever. Yeah
[19:22] Meanwhile Lewis has called
[19:24] The apartment Brian picks up Julie comes. What are you doing? And he's called because he wants
[19:31] Julie to send Brian's thumb to the prosecutor to put a little more weight on him if I had a nickel
[19:38] Every time I have to send somebody a thumb
[19:41] Next morning a scene live a scene that is under the thumb drive. I thought I was to drive a thumb over to them
[19:48] This explains a lot of reactions. I've gotten lately a
[19:53] Scene happens that is I can't interrupt Dan that much we don't have a lot of time a scene happens
[20:00] that is utterly inexplicable in the movie's current form.
[20:04] Perhaps once we're done with the synopsis,
[20:07] we'll explain how this movie was greatly truncated
[20:11] from its original version.
[20:12] Dan did some original research
[20:14] of looking up the alternate versions,
[20:16] listing on IMDb, and he found some interesting information.
[20:18] But, uh...
[20:19] That will shock and appal you.
[20:21] The next morning, Brian is dancing to hip hop,
[20:24] and Robin...
[20:25] Did we mention that Brian loves hip hop
[20:26] and is constantly quoting it?
[20:28] Constantly?
[20:28] Yeah, he does.
[20:29] Robin, who's Ricky's ex-girlfriend,
[20:31] walks in and fights with Robin,
[20:33] and ends up slitting her wrist
[20:35] because she says that Ricky loves her
[20:37] and won't let her die.
[20:39] It's a strange interlude to quote the play.
[20:48] The title of the play is a strange interlude?
[20:51] To quote Death of a Salesman,
[20:52] it truly was the death of a salesman.
[20:55] That salesman sure did die.
[20:58] Hey, the Iceman cometh in.
[21:02] Howdy, Iceman.
[21:03] Just leave it by the door.
[21:06] Oh, the ice.
[21:07] Yeah.
[21:10] That's where it goes, right?
[21:11] Yeah, yeah, just next to your door
[21:12] to slowly melt and water just that one patch of lawn.
[21:17] At the hospital, Robin will be okay.
[21:20] And, uh...
[21:21] Thank goodness.
[21:21] Ever since that last scene when I met this character,
[21:23] I've been worried about her.
[21:25] Lucky they're at a hospital, though,
[21:27] where the thumbs live, because...
[21:30] Or rather, don't.
[21:32] They go to the mortuary,
[21:34] they cut a thumb from a dead body.
[21:36] They go to the least secure mortuary.
[21:39] All you need is Jennifer Lopez
[21:41] to distract the guy on guard for the moment.
[21:45] Luckily...
[21:46] I think that would work.
[21:47] Luckily, there's nobody else in there,
[21:49] but luckily, as we know from the movies,
[21:51] morticians love to eat while they work,
[21:53] so there is a take-out container
[21:55] with a plastic take-out knife,
[21:57] which somehow he manages to cut through a thumb with.
[21:59] Yeah.
[22:00] This is a thumb that's in a rigor mortis.
[22:02] It's harder to cut those.
[22:03] Trust me, I drive a lot over, so...
[22:05] He's like, Brian, turn around,
[22:07] listen to your Baby Bop Got Back tape
[22:09] while I cut this thumb off.
[22:13] No, I meant for some reason when he said,
[22:15] it sounded like he said Baby Bop Got Back,
[22:16] and I'm thinking of a Kidz Bop version of Baby Got Back.
[22:19] Now we're back in the car,
[22:20] the other major location, along with his apartment.
[22:24] Where Julia...
[22:25] This could have been a play.
[22:26] Julia angrily tells Ricky that he's sad
[22:29] because she's gay and he likes her,
[22:30] which really seems to make things her problem
[22:32] that should not be her problem.
[22:36] Back at his house.
[22:37] Like around now, she's like,
[22:39] why don't you go hang out with your friends?
[22:40] And he's like, I don't have friends.
[22:43] He doesn't have books, he doesn't have friends.
[22:45] What does this guy do, just stare at the fucking wall?
[22:47] I think he...
[22:48] Saws off thumbs.
[22:50] Saws hands off, yeah.
[22:51] I mean, a book is a best friend, sure, yeah.
[22:54] If you're a certain type of boy.
[22:59] Ricky tells Julie he has a lot of feminine feelings
[23:02] because of how he checks his nails.
[23:03] Apparently men look at their nails,
[23:05] check their nails like this when they do it.
[23:07] It's honestly, I don't know that I've done it a lot.
[23:11] For anyone who can't see Dan's hands.
[23:13] Yeah, I'm curling my fingers inward to look at them.
[23:16] As if he's grasping like a big pickle.
[23:18] Yeah, and the feminine way is to sort of hold your...
[23:23] You hold your hand palm out as if to say,
[23:24] I've had enough pickles, thank you.
[23:26] Oh, look at those.
[23:28] No more pickle for me.
[23:30] I've had sufficient.
[23:31] Don't come closer.
[23:33] I don't even wanna smell them, I've had so many.
[23:35] I'm trying to cut down on my sodium intake.
[23:38] No, you know what?
[23:39] My doctor says I need more vinegar, ring him over.
[23:43] And she asks if he's gay.
[23:45] And they kiss.
[23:48] I have a quote here, you need a woman, I got one.
[23:53] The movie's theory about lesbians is that
[23:56] if she sufficiently feminizes Ben Affleck,
[23:59] he'll do, I guess.
[24:01] And that she's...
[24:02] And that's tough, and that Wilson's leather jacket
[24:04] he's always wearing, yeah.
[24:07] The leather jacket that Wilson the volleyball wears?
[24:09] Yes.
[24:12] Is this where I...
[24:13] You're the one summarizing, Dan.
[24:15] You know, this is the one flaw in my notes.
[24:16] I think this is where...
[24:17] Single flaw.
[24:20] Did you know that?
[24:21] Otherwise perfect doctor.
[24:22] This is where I did not write in...
[24:23] You didn't write in the turkey?
[24:24] It's turkey time, gobble.
[24:26] You know, I mean, again...
[24:27] He bragged earlier that not only are his genitals
[24:30] genetically designed to give women pleasure,
[24:33] but that he's also way better at cunnilingus
[24:35] than any woman who ever existed,
[24:37] which is a ludicrous claim coming from any man,
[24:40] but kind of feels even more ludicrous
[24:42] coming from Ben Affleck.
[24:44] And that's when she says, it's turkey time,
[24:46] and he goes, what?
[24:46] Understandably says, what?
[24:50] And she says...
[24:50] It's gonna take a long time to cook one of those.
[24:52] You can't just order one right now.
[24:55] Famously, you have to start defrosting them
[24:57] the night before Thanksgiving.
[24:58] She says...
[24:59] If you're gonna brine them, it takes days.
[25:00] Yeah, you gotta brine it.
[25:01] Yeah.
[25:03] It's turkey time, gobble, gobble.
[25:05] Yeah.
[25:07] Which means that she wants to do it
[25:08] like the characters in the movie Freaks, right?
[25:10] Because that's what they say, too.
[25:11] They say gooble, gobble.
[25:13] They say gooble, gobble, oh, that's right.
[25:14] Gooble, gobble, one of us.
[25:16] Thank goodness, yeah.
[25:17] Yeah.
[25:20] And then they do...
[25:20] And then I withdraw my objections.
[25:23] This is...
[25:25] Then they do it.
[25:26] You only talked about this scene,
[25:27] it was gonna get weirder,
[25:28] but this is going in directions I wasn't expecting.
[25:31] But they do do it.
[25:33] They do it, which is sex.
[25:35] And earlier, of course, Affleck had, as I said,
[25:39] made a big deal about who the bull was, who the cow.
[25:42] Now he goes moo to indicate
[25:44] that he has embraced his submissive role.
[25:47] Yeah.
[25:48] If this was a different movie in most other ways,
[25:51] Uh-huh, yep.
[25:53] Then this would be the progressive,
[25:56] kind of sexually open-minded movie it thinks it is.
[25:59] But it is not.
[26:02] But it's also one of those things where it's like,
[26:04] all right, I'm willing to give, you can be on top.
[26:07] And the moviegoer is supposed to be like,
[26:08] he's learned something.
[26:10] Yeah.
[26:11] Wow.
[26:12] He's allowing her to commit the sin of Lilith.
[26:17] He truly has changed as a man.
[26:22] After they, you know, poised, poised Codal.
[26:27] Yep, poised Codal.
[26:29] Which sounds like an old-timey football player.
[26:30] Oh, poised Codal.
[26:31] Post-coital.
[26:33] That's when poised Codal took the ball in
[26:35] for a 30-yard drive.
[26:39] And Navy beat Army.
[26:41] It's like a,
[26:43] it's the way a gangster who's talking about sex says it.
[26:46] Yeah, yeah, we were all poised Codal.
[26:50] That's the wabbit.
[26:54] They're lying in bed.
[26:55] Ricky tells Gigli that she will, of course,
[26:57] be leaving after the gig is over.
[26:59] Makes sense.
[27:00] Yeah.
[27:01] Lewis calls.
[27:02] He's angry.
[27:03] He tells the two of them to meet him.
[27:05] Cut to, I mean, there's some stuff on carpet,
[27:07] we could just, cut to.
[27:08] We could talk about Sun Tzu at some point,
[27:09] but I think that's over.
[27:11] Doesn't matter.
[27:11] Who cares?
[27:13] Al Pacino is now in the picture.
[27:17] You provide your other classic actor book idea.
[27:22] You hear about this ice cream and pie?
[27:25] Hoo-ah!
[27:30] Al is monologuing about how the most intimidating thing
[27:33] is when someone doesn't give a shit.
[27:37] I think it's a slightly reserved Al Pacino here.
[27:40] I mean, for that period in Al Pacino's career, certainly.
[27:44] This must have been after he had the surgery
[27:46] on his vocal cords that allowed them to be quiet again.
[27:50] Mr. Pacino, I'm sorry you have vocal loudening.
[27:53] Is it gonna hurt my acting career?
[27:56] With surgery and therapy, we think you might be able
[27:58] to talk at a reasonable conversational tone again.
[28:00] Oh, that's great news!
[28:04] Pacino asks Lewis if he wants to go to medical school,
[28:07] and Lewis is like, medical school?
[28:09] You're gonna pay for it?
[28:10] Thank you!
[28:11] Shoots him in the head and says something like,
[28:12] they always need more dead bodies.
[28:17] He is mad.
[28:17] The only problem is, he didn't hear the punchline.
[28:20] Yeah.
[28:22] Now, this scene is, I like this scene for Al Pacino,
[28:26] but also because it makes sure that,
[28:29] like, this is the part of the movie where I'm like,
[28:30] oh, the movie knows that this scheme was dumb.
[28:34] Like, the idea that the way to put pressure on
[28:38] would be to kidnap the prosecutor's brother.
[28:41] And, like, Al Pacino's like, you idiots.
[28:44] Like, this is gonna make,
[28:46] this makes all of the law enforcement mad.
[28:49] Like, they're coming down hard on me.
[28:50] Why would you do this?
[28:51] And at no point is Lewis like, it's my fault I told them.
[28:53] To be fair, he's dead at this point.
[28:54] He's dead at this point, so he can't really.
[28:56] His ghost isn't like, boo, don't blame them!
[29:00] Well, like, I'll give you this one, Gigli.
[29:02] You know that none of this made any sense at any point.
[29:05] This movie sometimes feels like they were writing
[29:06] the script as they went along
[29:08] and then didn't go back and rewrite anything.
[29:10] And then two-thirds of the way through,
[29:11] someone was like, I was reading the pages you wrote.
[29:13] They took it to their writer's group.
[29:15] So we read your pages.
[29:16] The plan doesn't really make any sense.
[29:19] Do you wanna change the plan?
[29:20] Well, I'll just have a character explain
[29:22] it doesn't make any sense, it's a bad plan.
[29:24] This is also a great scene,
[29:25] because I feel like Ben Affleck was like,
[29:27] oh my God, I get to do a scene with Al Pacino,
[29:29] and they're like, you don't get to say anything.
[29:33] You get to sit there and watch him stun on you.
[29:37] So, uh...
[29:39] I mean, it'd still be pretty cool.
[29:41] Just be in that room while Al Pacino stunts on you.
[29:43] J. Lo manages to sweet-talk Pacino
[29:46] into letting them go take care of Brian,
[29:48] because he is the only other loose end
[29:49] who is not in the room with them.
[29:51] Take care of him?
[29:52] And they're never on board with Lewis.
[29:53] Yeah, you know, take care of him.
[29:54] Like, adopt him?
[29:56] I think she implies that they'll kill him,
[29:58] but that they have no intention to.
[30:00] They've already protected his thumb, so the rest of his body is also valuable to the woman.
[30:04] In for a thumb, in for a mile, yeah.
[30:06] Yeah.
[30:07] Uh, there's a car ride, another car ride,
[30:10] where Gigli tells Brian not to be afraid of women,
[30:13] a weird thing to have happen at this point in the movie.
[30:16] It's also, it's not, is it based on anything?
[30:19] I don't, I mean...
[30:20] Other than, other than his general, kind of like,
[30:23] adamant sexual interest in Baywitch.
[30:25] He's riding high at this point.
[30:26] He thinks that he has done the impossible,
[30:28] and that he is now master of all love and sex.
[30:31] That's true.
[30:32] Yeah, he's, he's, he's just the love master of all time.
[30:34] He, this is earlier...
[30:35] Like a love guru.
[30:36] Yeah.
[30:37] Dan also, he forgot to mention that at one point,
[30:40] he's talking about the, uh,
[30:41] Brian's talking about the Baywatch,
[30:42] and he talks about how it makes his penis sneeze.
[30:44] Which is...
[30:46] I don't like it.
[30:48] And I felt like I needed to put it in your brains.
[30:51] Do you think there's noise, or...?
[30:53] Probably, yeah, probably.
[30:57] Yeah, if you turn the volume up on your phone loud enough,
[31:00] you can hear some noise.
[31:02] On your phone?
[31:05] Very specific, Stuart.
[31:08] Uh, so they're passing the beach,
[31:10] there's like, oh, the Baywatch is open,
[31:12] so they, they stop at the beach,
[31:14] where Gigli calls Brian's brother,
[31:16] telling him where Brian is so he can be picked up.
[31:19] Uh, Gigli asks Brian how his nails look,
[31:24] and Brian looks at his nails in the masculine way,
[31:28] which is just a little, you know, twist at the end,
[31:30] like, everyone laughs at Affleck for getting,
[31:33] being emasculated.
[31:35] Uh, Gigli tells Ricky to take his car and get out of town.
[31:38] I don't know why they can't both take the car at this point, but...
[31:42] I mean, his mom lives in town, you know.
[31:44] I guess so.
[31:45] This, this...
[31:46] But then he leaves...
[31:47] So there's something going on on the beach,
[31:49] and I have to, this part is distracting,
[31:51] because every time it cuts to Brian,
[31:53] two more women in bikinis walk by him,
[31:55] and at a certain point I was like,
[31:57] there's an endless stream of women in bikinis
[31:59] who happen to be walking by every time it cuts to him.
[32:01] Well, it turns out there's a reason,
[32:03] because they are, in fact, it seems,
[32:05] I, I don't know what they say explicitly
[32:07] that they're shooting Baywatch,
[32:09] but it seems like they're shooting, if not Baywatch,
[32:11] some Baywatch nights, but I don't know.
[32:14] It's, or, or it's like a remake of a Annette Funicello movie,
[32:17] or something, because it's just people in bikinis dancing.
[32:19] Or an episode of California Dreams, right?
[32:22] They shot that live on a beach.
[32:24] Yeah, I mean, almost entirely inside the school, but yeah.
[32:27] Brian...
[32:28] Maybe it's an episode of Pacific Blue.
[32:30] Okay.
[32:31] Yeah.
[32:32] The, the, the show about bicycle cops on the beach,
[32:34] which, by the way, like, that seems like a bad
[32:36] mode of transportation on sand.
[32:38] I just want to...
[32:40] What should they ride?
[32:42] Dispute the premise of this old USA network.
[32:44] What do you ride?
[32:45] What, are they going to ride camels around?
[32:47] It's going to be crazy.
[32:49] Anyway, Brian gets his dream of being part of the Baywatch.
[32:52] He's an extra on the set.
[32:54] He dances with this Australian girl he talks to.
[32:56] Oh, up till now, he's also, he is constantly calling
[32:58] the Australian weather forecast on the phone.
[33:01] Oh, yeah, that's right, because he likes the sound.
[33:03] He likes the sound of Australian voices.
[33:05] And Julie keeps going, that's expensive.
[33:07] And Brian goes, it's not expensive.
[33:09] That's as far as the conversation goes, every single time.
[33:12] At this point...
[33:14] And we see all the principal cast of the show, Baywatch, right?
[33:18] No, no one.
[33:20] At this point, J. Lo returns in the car.
[33:24] She reveals that her real name is Rochelle.
[33:27] And they drive away together in a anticlimactic ending
[33:32] that I then, I discovered was because this movie was cut up a lot.
[33:38] Hey, everybody, it's time for our favorite show,
[33:40] Dan McCoy, Movie Detective.
[33:42] Okay.
[33:44] Now, Julie, something about this ending, it made sense.
[33:48] Something didn't sit right with me about this ending.
[33:51] It seems like nothing really happens at the end.
[33:54] A lot of dangling plot threads.
[33:56] It's like this movie, which up until then has been a potboiler.
[34:00] Kind of fizzles out.
[34:02] Yeah, I mean, this is not original research.
[34:05] I didn't call director Martin Bress.
[34:07] I'm like, Marty, what's up?
[34:08] This is freely...
[34:10] I applaud the restraint you showed in not calling up someone with the name Bress.
[34:14] Knowing your hobbies.
[34:19] So, apparently, the original cut,
[34:25] the girlfriend we met earlier and then disappeared
[34:29] is important because she is actually the hit woman.
[34:34] She is the contractor.
[34:36] That is her job.
[34:38] J-Lo's character is her girlfriend, and they had had an argument,
[34:41] and she wanted to walk in her girlfriend's shoes,
[34:45] so she decided to sort of play act as a contractor for the weekend.
[34:49] Because J-Lo's dad, Atticus Finch, told her,
[34:52] don't judge your mentally imbalanced girlfriend
[34:55] until you've walked a kilometer in her shoes.
[34:58] So that's why, I mean, in retrospect,
[35:02] it makes the scene where she threatens those guys work a little bit better
[35:05] because it's like, this is why she's not actually threatening.
[35:08] It certainly justifies the existence of that character
[35:10] and shows why she's a danger, you know.
[35:13] But that's why she's like, I can't be the girl you want me to be
[35:17] because she literally isn't.
[35:19] She drives out of the movie.
[35:21] She is gone at that point.
[35:22] There's no happy ending for them,
[35:25] as in real life, until later.
[35:27] Until later, everyone.
[35:29] Bennifer, Term 2.
[35:32] They said it couldn't be done, but they did it, everybody.
[35:36] Gigli, now reformed, tries to give Brian over to Christopher Walken.
[35:42] Turns out Christopher Walken is a crooked cop,
[35:45] something totally unsurprising given how creepy he was acting.
[35:49] The most shocking thing about the movie
[35:52] is that Christopher Walken does not turn out to be a crooked cop.
[35:55] They get into a shootout.
[35:58] Christopher Walken dies.
[36:01] Affleck is mortally wounded.
[36:05] Dying, he drives Brian back to the beach.
[36:09] And then he dies while Brian is dancing with him.
[36:12] And the movie's called Back to the Beach?
[36:14] Yeah, with Anette Funicello.
[36:17] Pee-wee comes out and does a surfing bird rendition.
[36:20] It's pretty great.
[36:21] Sounds great.
[36:22] So it's totally the same as Back to the Beach.
[36:24] Yes, it's the same movie.
[36:26] Yeah, that's Gigli.
[36:28] That's the original ending for Gigli.
[36:30] So it was more of a midnight cowboy type of depressing movie.
[36:35] Originally, apparently, it was more of a crime film.
[36:38] They turned it into more of an urban cowboy kind of funzo film.
[36:42] Yeah, it was a real funzo.
[36:44] That's what I would say about Gigli.
[36:51] The Eurovision Song Contest.
[36:53] Hundreds of millions of people watch it every year.
[36:56] It played a part in the democratic revolution in Portugal.
[36:58] It introduced the world to Riverdance.
[37:00] And it launched Celine Dion's career.
[37:02] But you might have never watched it.
[37:04] It's got so much history and so many storylines
[37:06] that it can feel overwhelming to get into.
[37:08] It's like a real housewife season, but everyone's a better singer.
[37:11] Well, sometimes.
[37:12] But that's where we come in.
[37:13] I'm Dimitri Pompei.
[37:14] I'm Oscar Montoya.
[37:15] And I'm Jeremy Bent.
[37:16] And we're the hosts of Eurovangelists.
[37:18] If you're new to Eurovision,
[37:19] we'll tell you everything you need to know
[37:20] to start enjoying the world's most important song competition.
[37:22] And if you're already a fan,
[37:24] we'll dive deep on its wildest moments,
[37:26] like when Ireland sends a turkey puppet to sing for them.
[37:28] Eurovangelists.
[37:29] New episodes every Thursday.
[37:31] On MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.
[37:36] I'm Jordan Krusciola, host of Feeling Seen,
[37:39] where we start by asking our guests just one question.
[37:42] What movie character made you feel seen?
[37:44] I knew exactly what it was.
[37:46] Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
[37:50] Joy Wang slash Jabu Tupaci.
[37:53] That one question launches amazing conversations
[37:55] about their lives, the movies they love,
[37:57] and about the past, present, and future of entertainment.
[38:00] Roy in Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
[38:03] I worry about what this might say about me,
[38:05] but I've brought Tracy Flick in the film Election.
[38:10] So if you like movies, diverse perspectives,
[38:12] and great conversations, check us out.
[38:14] Oof, this is real.
[38:16] New episodes of Feeling Seen drop every week
[38:18] on MaximumFun.org.
[38:21] Hey there.
[38:22] Breaking in with one Jumbotron this week
[38:25] is a message for Seth, and it is from Melissa.
[38:29] Happy birthday, Seth.
[38:31] Your love of movies and desire to share them with me
[38:34] and our friends is truly the best.
[38:37] Dakota and I are lucky to get to do life with you.
[38:42] That's very sweet.
[38:44] I hope for everyone that you have someone out there
[38:48] that it's fun to do life with.
[38:53] And happy birthday again to Seth.
[38:56] And now, back to the show.
[39:00] So, we've done it.
[39:02] Now this is the point where we make our final judgments
[39:05] on Geely.
[39:07] Okay.
[39:09] Whether...
[39:10] Geely, you have been accused of being not good.
[39:14] Is this a good, bad movie?
[39:16] Is it a bad, bad movie?
[39:17] Is it a movie you kind of like?
[39:20] For once, I'm going to throw it to you first, Stuart.
[39:22] What do you say?
[39:23] Oh, no. I'm in the hot seat.
[39:25] No, I think this is...
[39:27] I would argue this is a bad, bad movie.
[39:28] There are...
[39:29] There is one...
[39:30] Prove your point, sir.
[39:32] What evidence?
[39:33] There's...
[39:34] I mean, there's one incredible scene
[39:36] featuring Christopher Walken.
[39:38] We've talked about it quite a bit.
[39:41] But no, it's...
[39:42] Yeah, I mean, it feels like it is wrong-headed,
[39:45] and I don't know if I'd say it's miscast,
[39:47] but I feel like Ben Affleck hasn't...
[39:49] hadn't reached that state in his powers yet
[39:52] that he could pull this performance off.
[39:55] Like, he's like...
[39:56] He couldn't do the, like, silly idiot well enough for me.
[40:00] but yeah I'm gonna say bad bad yeah I'm gonna say bad bad too I I watched this
[40:06] movie when it came out because it was a legendary flop and I was curious about
[40:09] it re-watching it like sort of squinting I'm like oh I can kind of see the movie
[40:15] they wanted to make I can kind of get it more because like I think if you took
[40:18] out the two central huge problems in the movie there's some stuff in here I'm
[40:25] like it's just a movie about Jennifer Lopez intimidating teens yeah yeah is
[40:41] more it is more interesting than I gave it credit for at the time but it is yeah
[40:48] it's bad yeah it is also bad I'm gonna make it a triple unanimous vote that
[40:54] it's bad bad I wish it was shorter and faster moving and then maybe it could be
[41:00] good bad but it's a movie that really takes its time it feels like it is it's
[41:04] still living off the fumes of that 90s era when you could do like a kind of
[41:09] quasi crime quasi talking moving movie where people just hang out rooms and
[41:13] talk and you're like no I'm not seeing I'm learning something about human
[41:17] nature yeah it's cool and instead it's neither of those things and they do
[41:21] spend a lot of time just hanging around his apartment and there's certain point
[41:25] it's it's bad when you're watching a movie about a kidnapping and you're like
[41:29] so they're just there all day like do they like what do they do most of the
[41:35] day like what what are they they've been there all day how are they entertaining
[41:41] him and there's no yoga yeah I guess but it's also such a loose kidnapping cuz
[41:45] they're just like Brian don't use the phone oh sir here you should probably go
[41:52] in the other room like okay like it is yeah so I will say go just watch
[41:59] Christopher Walken in that one scene on YouTube and you'll get your money's
[42:03] worth we have about 10 minutes to do questions because we got to turn the
[42:08] room over for more sketch fest shows there's gonna be is there's a
[42:12] microphone I think coming out over there I'm watching it there follow my
[42:20] finger as it moves it's gonna be I think it's gonna end up over here yeah yes so
[42:25] we're gonna cut it off with brute force in about 10 minutes but until that point
[42:31] starring Hume Cronin and yeah what an amazing movie okay so if you have a
[42:39] great question please ask it if your question is okay think about asking it
[42:43] if your question is bad don't even get up okay we're gonna do these rapid-fire
[42:48] so I hope these questions are easy yes hi peaches my name is Brooke last name
[42:53] withheld hello and I don't have the time and I am the fan I'm pretty sure who
[42:59] recommended the weekends and leprechauns oh yeah I'm so sorry my question is if
[43:08] you were a dwegan damn it what would your stick be because they all sort of
[43:13] had their own stick I mean I'm not that far from being a dwegan to be honest
[43:17] just what like a leprechaun and a fairy have sex and they make a dwegan right
[43:21] everything yeah yeah I'm glad you explain it to everybody yeah I mean yeah
[43:26] in case there's one or two people in the audience who didn't see dwegans the
[43:29] leprechaun yeah the biggest hit of that year yeah the leprechauns and yep the
[43:34] Oscar goes to I don't even know why I open the envelope dwegans and leprechauns
[43:37] what the biggest stand-up and cheer moment of the year yeah when the dwegans
[43:41] entered the speed force so Dan what would you be um I'm just gonna say I'll
[43:45] have a little dear star recap and I'll like have a pipe that has bubbles that
[43:49] comes out of it oh I think my thing's gonna be eaten fried chicken and loving
[43:54] wife's butts oh yes sir dwegans can do whatever they want
[44:03] hi there John lasting withheld I'm just curious after watching so many bad
[44:07] movies and I apologize if you've answered this before but um are there
[44:11] particular movies that you wish you have been on set for to just see what went
[44:15] down this this is a different kind of it's not an entirely bad movie but I
[44:21] think I've said before I would love to be on the set of David Lynch's Dune
[44:24] partly because I want to see those puppets but also just to walk around to
[44:29] just to go up to David Lynch and be like do you know what you're doing I'm go
[44:31] well maybe this is what I do in my career now they asked me to make a movie
[44:37] about space worms
[44:42] Stewart might be I was doing backstage which was David Lynch hosting the kids
[44:46] choice awards I'm so happy to be here on the night where kids rule who's gonna
[44:54] win I don't know I don't know I feel like in the interest of getting through
[45:03] people but let's let that stand because it's beautiful okay thank you okay
[45:08] thank you all right my five-year-old loves horse
[45:11] meets dog oh thank you very much so I want to thank Elliot writing that that
[45:15] book thank you I was wondering if Dan and Stu wrote a piece of children's
[45:20] fiction one what would the moral be shut up what's the kids version of let
[45:31] people fuck too I only give to tell kids that be yourself be careful how you
[45:46] talk to service people a specific but great moral yeah I mean I think that's
[45:53] really helpful cuz yeah it's not enough kids learn about proper tipping early
[45:59] enough no I just mean like parents shouldn't be like at a fucking telly
[46:02] with a line and be like okay what do you want to order from the guys like I'm
[46:07] busy what do I have to hear this fucking kid mispronounce words it's got a cool
[46:12] kid the Sopranos joke anyway thank you hi Tim nothing withheld I'm not
[46:24] embarrassed BAB Wow bold move oh yeah I'm proud to be a
[46:28] Flophouse fan doxed himself I want to know if there's any movie that you've
[46:32] done already that you've revisited later and thought oh they're jokes I didn't
[46:36] put in the podcast that I wish I could have put in the pot like you're like oh
[46:39] I wish I'd said that we've been doing this for like 16 years I think I'd like
[46:47] to go it's hard to remember like people will occasionally tweet a joke at me
[46:53] that should have been in the pot in the show and yeah my reaction I love that
[46:59] people listen to the show and I love that they care to reach out my reaction
[47:05] is never good because it's either like no that's not a good joke or yes damn
[47:09] it you're right I should have said that now I feel bad uh I don't even I barely
[47:16] remember what we say I mean I can't I can't see what are the examples but I'm
[47:20] assuming we miss a lot of jokes because mainly we're not even really talking
[47:24] about the movie yeah then the olden days when we used to record the show we
[47:28] recorded at midnight basically so we weren't in our right minds I had a belly
[47:33] full of fried chicken I don't know what I was saying I was like seven beers deep
[47:37] so the answer is yes and now look at you thank you Eric last name withheld it
[47:44] feels like Quentin Tarantino is ultimately to blame for Julie in an
[47:48] indirect sure yeah this is nothing my friend Tom Manning said to me over text
[47:51] today so so what you scooped him what good director do you think is indirectly
[47:55] responsible for the most egregious crimes against cinema what director good
[47:59] director good director narrows it yeah I mean I you know I don't necessarily buy
[48:06] and yeah Lucas probably like well do you like popularize the idea of like
[48:14] like Joseph Campbell should be the model for all movies yeah that's not true that
[48:20] really flattens out storytelling but Dan every movie is the same movie Raiders of
[48:24] Lost Ark Star Wars willow they're all the same every movie last year at
[48:33] Merriam-Bagg day for night it's all the same story yeah but yeah yeah that's the
[48:38] good that's a good answer that's a good answer yeah well thank you well let's
[48:40] move along then okay hi Matthew Grieve last name withheld I was wondering if
[48:46] you what background Star Wars character would you choose to make a Star Wars
[48:50] Disney plus miniseries and why gonk droid droid gonk droid yeah give me that
[48:57] gunk what's his story what's his he's a trash can with feet he says one word he
[49:03] also walks around real slow like a boss what's his home light does he have a
[49:07] wife it does he have a wife I don't know let's do the show come on
[49:11] gonk droid oh what's his what's his hero's journey what's his Joseph Campbell
[49:15] story thing though here's the thing I'm gonna cheat a little bit cuz there's
[49:18] also a backdoor pilot for a salacious crumb no serious yeah love me that
[49:23] quacky and monkey lizard yes sir Adam last name withheld from Lucasfilm you're
[49:28] hired yeah oh finally my dream I'm like I gotta write 10 episodes of a gunk show
[49:36] what did I get myself into so I've noticed that a common thread a lot of
[49:41] like bad bad films is that they have flashbacks to scenes that already
[49:45] occurred in the film yeah and I'm wondering if you can think of a movie
[49:49] where that was ever used well there definitely are some that are not coming
[49:58] to mind at the moment
[50:00] are definitely movies that will flash back to something to previous footage in
[50:04] a way that recontextualizes it like it adds something to it not just oh the
[50:08] killer was back there you know well Dan's favorite actor Kevin Spacey was
[50:11] in suspects no stop doing this you said something Dan about it how about how
[50:17] it's the audience's duty to separate the artists from their art yeah that's I
[50:22] mean that's what he says in the group chat I mean let's move on I think we can
[50:28] get through everyone who's currently up yeah if no more people join yeah Nate
[50:34] Nathan last name withheld I want to bring us back to Gigli and to the
[50:38] climactic scenes where they're where I go back to did it did it where Ben Affleck
[50:46] is engaged in coitus and there's a moment where it can only be described as
[50:52] a thousand-yard stare occurs during which is probably his orgasm my question
[50:58] to you guys is do you think this is why he looks when he's actually engaged in
[51:02] coyotes with Jennifer Lopez I'm gonna say not wet not at the time but
[51:07] possibly now I mean you've seen this but like unless he's holding a fucking
[51:12] donkeys he is a collection of sad memes at this point there's that picture of
[51:18] him just staring out the ocean with that big phoenix yes please hi Emily
[51:25] last name withheld I don't know if you've seen the dune to promotional
[51:29] popcorn bucket yeah yes it's a sandworm mouth you have to reach through with the
[51:35] sort of rubber teeth yeah anyway just as Herbert intended when he wrote the book
[51:40] what movie do you wish would have had a promotional popcorn bucket and what
[51:46] that's a great question who there's so much potential there well Elliot thinks
[51:52] I just want to mention that I was text my friends texted me a David Ehrlich
[51:58] tweet where he's like yes you can fuck the puppet the bucket and I was like how
[52:04] fuckable could this bucket be and I saw the bucket and I'm like just called a
[52:10] I'm gonna say Mandy cheddar goblin bucket I want an alien bucket that's
[52:17] shaped like John Hurt's chest I want like a gremlins bucket cuz like they
[52:25] have popcorn the movie is just like a poster is that he's coming out exactly
[52:28] infinite regress of like bucket after bucket after like all gremlins with
[52:32] buckets of popcorn thank you I want to yeah I want a tar
[52:36] bucket that just looks like Lydia just want everything to look like Lydia
[52:40] Stewart is so into tar reach into her head okay last question of the evening
[52:46] better be about tar I'm gonna disappoint you uh my name is Frank last name
[52:52] withheld that's a good name okay why did you why did you I'm stuck with it it's
[53:00] been 30 years he was gonna disappoint us I guess that sounded like you it was a
[53:04] compliment that was raised I don't have time for this life okay with the
[53:08] question are you ready for me okay great okay so what did shock you to know that
[53:14] the only positive thing about this movie is the score which was played over the
[53:19] most shitty monologues that you've ever heard in your entire life that would
[53:23] shock me but it did that was the only positive accolades who do you know who
[53:28] did it John Powell don't know look but seriously that was the only good thing
[53:33] about the movie so by the score yeah watch Christopher Walken by the score
[53:39] on Arista records listen to Christopher Walken while the score plays we got to
[53:44] get off stage because there are a lot of sketch fest shows but thank you so much
[53:47] for coming out thank you great you were a delight for the flop house I've been
[53:52] Dan McCoy I'm Stuart Wellington I'm Elliot Kalin
[53:58] thank you everybody at Cobb's thank you
[54:08] welcome to 2024 everybody you ready for a great year yeah I don't buy it either
[54:17] you
[54:25] maximum fun a worker owned network of artists owned shows supported directly
[54:31] by you

Description

In case you hadn't heard through one of our many annoying-but-necessary-to-our-livelihood plugs, The Flop House has been on tour! That's why, instead of getting a normal Flop House mini, on this mini-saturday, you're getting this slightly-shorter FULL EPISODE! Recorded live at Cobb's Comedy Club (who were so nice to us) as part of San Francisco Sketchfest, here's our discussion of legendary 2003 megabomb, Gigli!

Happy MaxFunDrive! Right now is the best time to start a membership to support your favorite shows. Learn more and join at https://maximumfun.org/joinflop