FH Mini 98 - In the Public Domain

Elliott Kalan

[0:00] Welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Elliot Kalin, and this is a Flophouse mini. That's right.

[0:08] It's an off week. We're not talking about a movie, or are we? We're not. And we're going

[0:12] to be talking about some other things that are movie-related, maybe, or maybe not. I'm

[0:16] joined here by my regular co-hosts.

[0:18] Wow, you're really being cagey.

[0:19] Yep, their names are?

[0:21] Dan McCoy.

[0:22] And?

[0:22] And Stuart Wellingtown.

[0:25] What a great couple of co-hosts. And you know what? Before we get into this mini, I just

[0:28] want to tell you how much fun I had with these two guys appearing in front of four amazing

[0:34] audiences as part of our West Coast Errors Tour. Now, we've released a couple of episodes

[0:39] on the feed already, I believe, right, Dan?

[0:42] This is our first episode that we're recording back after the tour, and we had such a good

[0:47] time. I just want to say thanks to everybody who came to see those shows. Thanks to everybody

[0:50] who came up to us afterwards and told us how great we are. Thanks even to the people who

[0:55] came up and had criticisms for us that I guess we'll take into account. We'll take them to

[1:00] heart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00] Yeah, they seem to be really reading you the riot act.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03] Yeah, yeah. Well, there's some stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05] I think that was just Hodgman, though.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08] Yeah, mostly, yeah. But he really was. In that he literally told me I could not riot.

Dan McCoy

[1:14] You know, Hodgman was very kind to us. Like, you know, the civilians were kind to us and

[1:21] our, you know, other network hosts were very kind to us.

[1:24] Yeah, our fellow comedy and podcasting people.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26] Hodgman came up before, while you were still getting your stuff together, and he was like,

[1:32] I'm the third beach. It's me, John, host of the Pluppets.

[1:35] He was carrying a skateboard around.

[1:39] Hello, fellow beaches.

[1:40] Just like you. That's how, yeah, that's how he tricked.

[1:42] Yeah.

[1:43] Everyone's like, that's Dan, right? He's got a skateboard.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46] So we had a good-

[1:46] That's what I'm known for.

[1:47] I want to thank the people of Vancouver, the people of Portland, San Francisco, and I want

[1:51] to thank the people at Sketchfest, and I want to thank the people of Los Angeles. You

[1:55] guys were all great. I hope we get to see you again sometime. We probably won't be on

[1:58] the West Coast again very soon.

Stuart Wellington

[2:02] I mean, you're there right now.

Elliott Kalan

[2:03] Yeah.

[2:04] Yes, true. I'll be there. I am there right now. Good point. You know what? Put me in jail.

[2:08] You're right. Put me in lie jail. I'm wrong.

[2:10] I'm just going to add it to the scoreboard.

[2:13] Stewards once again on the board, as you'll find out about next week in the episode that

[2:16] we already recorded today, but which won't come out until next week.

Dan McCoy

[2:19] Oh, boy. Where'd that Mr. Show sketch? The pre-taped call-in show.

Elliott Kalan

[2:23] Yeah. So we do have a show coming up in May in the UK. We're hoping to plan some other

[2:30] live shows, but we're done talking about that now. The tour went great. Thanks, everybody,

[2:34] for coming to the show. We're going to talk about the other big event of this year besides

[2:38] the Errors Tour. This is a big year. Dan, there's a presidential election coming up.

[2:44] There's all sorts of bad things going on. Also, there's probably some movies coming out

[2:49] this year, but the biggest, most important event of the year has already happened. It

[2:53] happened over a month ago. Guys, can you guess what it is, the most important thing that

[2:57] happened in 2024?

Dan McCoy

[2:59] Over a month ago. So it's now February.

[3:04] Uh-huh.

[3:04] Over a month ago.

Elliott Kalan

[3:05] When's Toyotathon?

[3:09] You know what? I don't know. That's one of the questions that man has been pondering for

[3:13] millennia.

[3:14] It's not the Honda days. Honda days is in December.

[3:17] I'll tell you guys, at the very beginning of this year, January 1st, Mickey Mouse entered

[3:22] the public domain. We did it, everybody. We did it. Pew, pew, pew, pew. Air horn, air

[3:27] horn. We did it.

Dan McCoy

[3:28] We have access to that one very specific version of Mickey Mouse.

Elliott Kalan

[3:32] Well, we have access to the original Mickey Mouse cartoons, Steamboat Willie, the Gallopin'

[3:37] Gaucho, and the silent version of Plane Crazy. Not the sound version of Plane Crazy,

[3:41] everybody, that doesn't enter the public domain until next year. But after many years of

[3:45] Disney fighting it and trying to extend that protection, finally, we have the earliest Mickey

[3:50] Mouse in the public domain to do whatever we want with. Guys, are you familiar with what the

[3:54] public domain is?

Dan McCoy

[3:56] Uh, sort of. Yeah, it means that it's not covered under copyright law.

Stuart Wellington

[4:01] Is that where if you get in trouble, they put you in the stocks and throw, like, tomatoes at you?

Elliott Kalan

[4:05] You're both right. Yes. If you use a copyrighted character, they put you in the stocks and they

[4:10] throw tomatoes at you. Uh, but yeah, it means that.

Dan McCoy

[4:13] But you know, for the reason that, for instance, uh, It's a Wonderful Life, uh, became a perennial

[4:17] holiday favorite is that it fell out of the public domain, meaning that people didn't have to pay to,

[4:22] like, broadcast it every year. So they did. And then it became a big, uh, beloved favorite,

[4:29] like, like I said, when it was initially not such a success.

[4:32] Oh, like Night of the Living Dead?

Elliott Kalan

[4:33] Exactly. Well, Night of the Living Dead, well, Night of the Living Dead is one of the saddest

[4:37] stories in the public domain world because they literally forgot to put a copyright notice

[4:40] on the film. And so it was instantly in the public domain and George Romero didn't see any of that

[4:45] cash. But Dan is right that, uh, that It's a Wonderful Life literally fell out of the public

[4:49] domain. The public domain is a giant who has huge hands and he holds all the things that are

[4:53] copyrighted, but he still got space between his fingers. And so his, his, uh, it sort of like

[4:58] fell out. And so the public domain, it's based on this idea, right? You copyright,

[5:02] copyright something. And the idea is I created this thing. I should get to make money off of it for a

[5:06] certain amount of time to reward me for creating it. And then at a certain point I stopped making

[5:09] money off it and becomes part of our common cultural clay. Now, as a creator of things,

[5:14] I like copyright because it means cha-ching for me and my heirs for a certain amount of time.

[5:19] All that horse meets dog money is going to come in pretty handy to my, uh, to my heirs as soon as

[5:24] it pays off its advance. Please buy my picture books.

Dan McCoy

[5:26] Shiftless layabout sons. I'm projecting into the future.

Stuart Wellington

[5:29] Yep, exactly.

[5:30] And for a second, I thought you were saying all that horse meat and I'm like, Elliot, don't brag

[5:34] about your horse meat addiction on the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[5:36] I have to go to France for it. It's so, it's very expensive just for the flights. Um, but there's

[5:41] a lot of stuff that enters the public domain kind of each year because the, because the copyright

[5:45] runs out. And this year there's a whole bunch of them. It's mostly stuff from 1928. There's

[5:49] some sound recordings from 1923. Uh, finally,

[5:52] finally, the original recording of Yes, We Have No Bananas is free to use. Alex, throw

[5:58] it in the background. Who's going to stop us? Eddie Cantor. Sorry, Eddie Cantor. Nothing

[6:04] you can do about it. Public domain and you're dead. Play the whole song. Alex, I hope right

[6:09] now, Yes, We Have No Bananas, the original Eddie Cantor version is playing. Also the original

[6:15] theatrical, uh, like the song lyrics for Animal Crackers. We just sing those that the Marx Brothers

[6:20] play. That's public domain now. A lot of great silent movies. The Cameraman, Passion Joan

[6:26] of Arc, Speedy, The Wind, The Crowd. They're all public domain now. Alex, throw the Passion

[6:30] of Joan of Arc in the background. Play that silent movie. If, yes, if yes, We Have No Bananas.

[6:35] Go right now. Yep, it's happened. Cut, cut, yes, We Have No Bananas. Play the soundtrack.

[6:39] Play the, the, the, the, the dialogue from, uh, Speedy, the Harold Lloyd movie. There isn't

[6:44] any. That's the joke. Anyway, uh, we've obviously got a lot of experience with the public domain.

[6:49] Stuart, what have you done with public domain stuff? Uh, well, let's see. I've written a lot

Stuart Wellington

[6:54] of spec scripts. Uh, I've drawn some, say, questionable artwork. If you're writing spec scripts for

Dan McCoy

[7:00] things that are in the public domain, you're doing it wrong. I just gotta tell you that.

Elliott Kalan

[7:05] Where were you when I was writing them, Dan? Oh, boy, yeah. I wasted all this time.

[7:09] Stuart was like, I hope I can get the rights to Hansel and Gretel or else I'll never be able

Dan McCoy

[7:13] to produce this. I guess I'm wrong. I guess if you're using characters that are in the public

[7:18] domain, then that's a good idea. No one can stop you. I, I'm just thinking of spec scripts in the

[7:23] old sense of like, you're writing for like a sitcom. Oh, see, I was. I don't think there's a,

[7:29] I don't think there's a Hansel and Gretel sitcom currently in production that you can try to get on.

Stuart Wellington

[7:33] Oh, that's what a spec script is. I thought it was written on some pure Italian meats. I mean.

Dan McCoy

[7:38] That's a, that is a kind of spec. It just means that no one's paying you for it yet. So I guess,

Elliott Kalan

[7:43] yeah. Now, speaking of a lot of, a lot of books entered the public domain in the United States.

[7:47] I mean, every country has its own copyright laws. In the United States, so many books entered the

[7:51] public domain this year. Finally, finally, you can have all these characters meet each other. Dan,

[7:56] I know you love HG Wells' work, right? He's fine. Finally, you can use HG Wells' amazing

[8:03] character, Mr. Blutzworthy on Rampole Island, which is now in the public domain.

[8:07] Oh, thank God.

[8:08] His classic character of Mr. Blutzworthy.

[8:10] Dan, why aren't you writing this down? This is important. You can work on it.

Dan McCoy

[8:13] Well, mostly because I can't, I don't know how to spell Blutzworthy.

Elliott Kalan

[8:16] Yeah. And also Tarzan. And Tarzan, Tarzan is now, is in the public domain now too. Anyway,

[8:21] so, and Dan, I know you love Agatha Christie. Finally, all of my drawings are legal.

[8:26] Dan, I know you love mystery novels, right? You love Agatha Christie. Finally,

[8:32] one of her, finally, her classic novel is in the public domain, The Mystery of the Blue

[8:37] Train, a book that I had never heard of until I saw it listed on a public domain list of

Dan McCoy

[8:41] things that are in the public domain now. The Mystery has a blue train. I got to read

[8:43] this. Yeah. What does that mean? What's the secret? I don't know. It's like a blue house

Stuart Wellington

[8:49] and they live there and they're blue and everything is blue. I don't know. Yeah. The train, instead

Elliott Kalan

[8:53] of going choo-choo, it says da-boo-dee-da-boo-die while it's going through. Yeah. And it says,

[8:58] it says saying, I think I can. It goes, I think I'm blue. I think I'm blue. Although,

[9:01] the little engine that could is also blue. Da-boo-dee-da-boo-die. Yeah. Wow. I'm learning

Stuart Wellington

[9:07] so much. This is a really informative episode of it. File this one under informative, not comedy.

Elliott Kalan

[9:13] Yeah. So, you know, so anyway, this is, you know who does a lot with the public domain?

[9:17] Hmm.

[9:18] Disney. So it's ironic that they've been trying to keep Mickey Mouse out of the public domain,

[9:21] but so much of their classic hits are in the public domain. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty,

[9:26] Alice in Wonderland, Cinderella, Frozen. It's all public domain stuff. I'm currently writing a

[9:30] Hercules comic book series for Dynamite Comics based on the Disney character. All that Greek myth

[9:34] stuff is in the public domain. It's not trademark Zeus anymore. He can't sue me. Sorry, Zeus.

[9:38] Can't sue me. And without the public domain, Disney comes up with stuff like Brother Bear

[9:44] or Home on the Range. Not their top drawer stuff, you know. So anyway, here's the disappointing thing

[9:52] about using the public domain is that it means anyone can use it, not just people who have a good

[9:57] idea. So Mickey Mouse suddenly is in the public domain. What do people do with him? They mainly make-

Dan McCoy

[10:02] They blood and honey him up.

[10:04] Exactly. Just like they do with Winnie the Pooh.

[10:06] Oh, wouldn't it be twisted if he murdered people?

[10:09] Dan, we don't want to spend more time with this character, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[10:12] Oh, man. Dirty D. McSee makes up an appearance.

Dan McCoy

[10:17] Jack Holmes is in the public domain now. Wouldn't it be twisted if he was the killer?

[10:21] Yeah. Dirty D. Dirty D. What other public domain characters can be killers now?

[10:25] Oh, I don't know, man.

[10:28] Harold Lloyd from Speedy. What if he was a killer?

Elliott Kalan

[10:31] The longest in print children's book, Millions of Cats, is in the public domain now. Dirty Dan,

[10:37] what should we do with Millions of Cats?

Dan McCoy

[10:39] Millions of Cats? Imagine if they all killed each other.

[10:42] Whoa.

[10:43] Call those down. Battle Royale style.

[10:45] That's practically deranged.

Elliott Kalan

[10:46] That's great. Okay. Lady Chatterley's lover is in the public domain now. What should Lady Chatterley do, Dan? Dirty Dan?

Dan McCoy

[10:52] Maybe we should turn it from being a lover to a killer.

Elliott Kalan

[10:55] Oh, wow.

[10:56] Okay. What about the Three Penny Opera? Let's make it twisted.

[11:00] Well, isn't that already about a killer?

[11:02] It was a trick. Trick question. It's already twisted. It's already-

[11:05] Okay.

[11:05] It already is.

[11:06] Okay, so-

[11:07] Oh, thank God.

[11:08] So, sadly-

[11:09] Something came over my body. I'm glad it's gone now.

[11:11] Yeah.

[11:13] We were able to get that spirit out.

[11:15] And it's very frustrating to me that it's like, oh, people can do whatever they want with these characters.

[11:20] They just turn them into murderers or they just make them have sex with each other.

[11:23] And someday, in the not-too-distant future, like the Marvel and DC heroes, the earliest ones, are going to be in the public.

[11:30] I think it's about 10 years from now that the earliest Batman and Superman stories enter the public domain.

[11:34] Yeah.

[11:35] And they're just going to have them have sex with each other and kill each other.

Dan McCoy

[11:37] I don't know how to tell you this, Elliot, but there's already a lot of images of those characters having sex with one another.

[11:42] Yeah, where do you find those?

[11:43] Available.

[11:44] Prove it. Prove it.

Elliott Kalan

[11:45] Do you have a PowerPoint presentation that would prove this to me?

Dan McCoy

[11:48] I just might.

[11:49] That's a reference for people who saw the shows on the tour.

[11:53] But anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[11:54] Yeah, Dan scoured the local train yards to find hastily made hobo porn.

[12:00] Batman and Superman doing it.

Elliott Kalan

[12:02] This porn means that a nice lady lives inside.

[12:05] He'll give you a pie.

[12:06] Yeah.

[12:07] So, guys, I wanted to talk to you about showing people how to do the public domain right.

[12:15] Okay.

[12:15] We're going to take a few newly in the public domain properties, and we're going to do it right.

[12:20] Because it feels like what people want from Mickey Mouse is not to see him killing people.

[12:24] They want to see him doing fun, funny stuff like he, in theory, did in the 30s.

[12:29] But when you watch those cartoons, they're not hilarious.

[12:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[12:32] They are funnier than the later Mickey cartoons, however, where he just sort of like,

[12:37] was an affable suburban guy with a dog.

Elliott Kalan

[12:40] Yeah.

[12:41] Yeah, that's true.

[12:42] And there actually have been some very good recent Mickey Mouse cartoons that I think are

[12:45] very funny.

[12:46] But in the wonderful world of Mickey Mouse series.

[12:48] But that's because they kind of like, Ren and Stimpeed up Mickey Mouse a little bit.

[12:52] Like, he's not gross, but it is more that kind of animation.

Dan McCoy

[12:54] Well, they went back to sort of the anarchic spirit of the really early ones.

Elliott Kalan

[12:59] Yeah, when Mickey was kind of a dick.

[13:01] Yeah.

[13:01] But he just made music by herding animals.

[13:03] Yeah, that sounds twisted.

[13:05] Yeah.

[13:05] Actually, the original Mickey was pretty twisted, you know?

Dan McCoy

[13:09] He was more apt to, like, pull a revolver on someone than you would think from knowing

[13:15] the Disney company today.

Elliott Kalan

[13:17] There is, there was also, yeah, there's a, yeah, well, the original Mickey Mouse, yeah,

[13:20] it's true.

[13:21] In the original cartoons, I think he was like a bootlegger, right?

[13:23] Who ran, like, a criminal syndicate?

[13:25] And he killed people on camera?

Dan McCoy

[13:28] I don't know about that, but I know that, like.

Elliott Kalan

[13:30] Didn't he kidnap the Lindbergh baby?

Dan McCoy

[13:33] In the original cartoons?

[13:34] Certainly in, like, the Floyd Gottfriedson comics, there was a lot of, you know, adventure

[13:39] and shoot-ups and stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[13:41] Mm-hmm.

[13:42] So, so we're going to show people there's more to these characters than just making them

[13:45] shoot people, even though that's apparently what the original Mickey Mouse did.

[13:48] Here's some characters.

[13:49] Let's put them, they're in the public domain now.

[13:50] Let's figure out what to do with them, okay?

[13:52] These are famous characters.

[13:53] Let's do it.

[13:54] That everybody loves.

[13:55] Number one, Tigger.

[13:56] Tigger's in the public domain now.

[13:58] How do you do it right?

Stuart Wellington

[13:59] Oh, yeah.

[14:00] How do we do it right, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[14:01] Show me real Dan, not Twisted Dirty D, who just makes the characters twisted.

[14:05] No, no, I know.

[14:06] Real Tigger, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[14:07] So what does he do?

Elliott Kalan

[14:08] He bounces, flounces.

[14:11] You know, he bounces and flounces.

[14:12] Bouncy, flouncy, but that's in the, see, that's in the Disney.

[14:15] Fun, fun, fun, fun.

[14:15] The thing is, that song is in the Disney cartoon, which is not in the public domain.

[14:19] No, that's true.

[14:19] This is the original Tigger who's in the stories.

[14:21] Let me just look at this original email and story.

[14:23] Oh, wait, he's hurting animals to make music and pulling guns on people.

[14:27] Oh, no.

[14:28] No, no, no.

Dan McCoy

[14:28] No, he doesn't do that.

[14:29] No, he's, you know, he's kind of the hyperactive kid of the 100-acre woods.

[14:35] Mm-hmm.

[14:36] So what do we do with, like.

Stuart Wellington

[14:37] And wait, can Winnie the Pooh be in this or is he not allowed?

Elliott Kalan

[14:40] Yes, Winnie the Pooh is also in the, the earliest, the old version is in the public domain.

[14:43] Have you not seen Blood and Honey where he totally is a killer?

[14:46] Oh, no, Dirty Dan is back.

[14:47] Oh, no, Dirty Dan is back.

[14:48] Making twisted things.

[14:49] That was, it feels like that was the first time when someone was like, wait a minute.

[14:52] If this is in the public domain, this child character can do killer things.

[14:56] That's all, that's what we can do when it opened the floodgates.

Dan McCoy

[14:58] Yeah, what do you think?

[14:59] Did you like that one?

[15:00] No, I, people kept asking us to do it on the podcast.

[15:03] I'm like, I don't want to even support this that much.

[15:06] It's just such a, like, first idea, like, edgelord, dumb, like, who cares?

Stuart Wellington

[15:13] Okay, so we're not going to do that.

[15:15] So, what, is Tigger going to open up a small business?

[15:19] Is he going to go to school?

[15:21] Is he going to, are we going to have a Paddington thing where a family adopts a Tigger and he's

[15:26] going to, I don't know, like, teach him the meaning of love or happiness or something?

Elliott Kalan

[15:31] I think we have to, yeah, that sounds pretty, I mean, that, you could get that made, certainly.

Stuart Wellington

[15:35] Yeah.

[15:35] Yeah, if the family's like, oh, grumpy and dysfunctional and then having this bouncing.

[15:39] Dad's like, I only care about work.

Elliott Kalan

[15:40] And the mom's like, oh, I'm addicted to painkillers.

[15:43] And the kids are like, hmm, well, we're, we're already, we have a band and all we care about

[15:48] is our band.

[15:49] And then Tigger comes in and is like, hey.

[15:50] Looking at phones.

[15:51] Yeah, oh yeah, we're just all about screens.

[15:53] That's all we care about.

[15:54] And they go, they're going to go on a, on a last minute vacation and society collapses

[15:58] while they're at the house, but then Tigger is with them.

[16:01] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[16:01] Mm-hmm.

[16:02] Yep.

[16:02] I made it twisted again.

[16:04] Society just collapsed.

[16:04] Yep.

[16:04] Oh no.

[16:05] I don't want to offend any Tigger partisans out there.

[16:09] Okay.

[16:09] But that's the character, like, as a lifelong Eeyore, that's the character that irritates

[16:14] me the most in the Hundred Acre Woods.

[16:16] Like, it's just.

Elliott Kalan

[16:16] Well, you know what?

[16:17] I bet, I wonder if Eeyore is in the public domain.

[16:19] What would you do with him?

Dan McCoy

[16:21] Uh, we'll get Charlie Kaufman on the script because I feel like he'd have a real feeling

[16:26] for the material.

[16:27] Sure.

[16:27] Yeah.

[16:27] Okay, sure.

[16:29] Um, what is it?

Elliott Kalan

[16:31] It seems like you're really giving up a real opportunity for yourself, Dan, to advance your

[16:34] career by writing the Tigger movie, but give it to Charlie Kaufman.

Stuart Wellington

[16:37] Yeah.

[16:37] Dan's in it for the love of the game here.

[16:39] Yeah.

[16:39] Eeyore.

[16:40] The live of the TIG.

[16:41] Oh, the live of the Eeyore.

[16:41] Yeah.

[16:42] I forgot we're talking about Eeyore.

[16:44] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:44] I don't know, man.

[16:45] Like, maybe he carries a storm cloud with him wherever he goes and he learns that, uh,

[16:51] he needs to find the place where he fits in.

[16:53] You know, he brings, he brings the rains to the desert with it.

[16:57] Okay.

[16:58] Yeah.

[16:58] So he uses his-

[17:00] It's a metaphorical tale of, you know, leaning into the, the, the things that people, uh,

[17:06] try and shy away from.

[17:08] Mm-hmm.

[17:08] The sadness.

Stuart Wellington

[17:08] Maybe, yeah.

[17:09] Maybe he travels around and encounters people and everybody's trying to cheer him up and,

[17:13] uh, they, they end up getting in touch with what makes them happy in the process.

[17:17] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[17:18] Oh yeah.

[17:19] That's really nice.

[17:19] That's great.

[17:20] Yeah.

[17:20] I love it.

[17:21] That's a good way to handle Eeyore.

Dan McCoy

[17:22] He takes the weight of the world onto his shoulders, his donkey shoulders.

[17:25] So you become happier.

[17:27] So he's kind of like-

Stuart Wellington

[17:28] Which are his shoulders?

[17:29] Like the front shoulders or the back shoulders?

[17:31] That's a good point.

Dan McCoy

[17:32] He has four legs.

[17:33] Yeah.

[17:33] I think the back shoulders are called the butt.

[17:36] The butt.

[17:36] The butt shoulders.

[17:37] Okay.

[17:38] Okay.

[17:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:39] So he's kind of a real Christ figure, Eeyore, in this, in this reading of it.

[17:41] Yeah.

[17:42] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:43] Okay.

[17:43] Yeah.

[17:44] Man, I think we're doing a great job here.

[17:45] I think we're doing great.

[17:46] Is he a killer?

[17:48] Yeah.

[17:48] And then he kills people at the end?

[17:49] Yeah.

[17:50] Is Eeyore going to kill people?

[17:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[17:51] At the end he snaps because there's only so much a donkey can take.

S4

[18:02] My name's Doug Duguay and I'm here to talk about my podcast in the middle of the one you're

[18:06] listening to.

[18:07] It's called Valley Heat and it's about my neighborhood, the Burbank Rancho Equestrian District.

[18:11] The center of the world when it comes to foosball, frisbee golf, and high-speed freeway roller

[18:16] skating.

[18:17] And there's been a Jaguar parked outside on my curb for 10 months.

[18:20] I have no idea who owns it.

[18:21] I have a feeling it's related to the drug drop that was happening in my garbage can a little

[18:25] over a year ago.

[18:26] And if this has been a boring commercial, imagine 45 minutes of it.

[18:30] Okay, Valley Heat.

[18:30] It's on every month on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts.

[18:35] Check it out, but honestly, skip it.

[18:37] These are the Chronicles of the Rancho Equestrian District in Burbank, California.

[18:41] These are the events taking place in my house and around my house.

S5

[18:45] Hello, sleepyheads.

[18:47] Sleeping with Celebrities is your podcast pillow pal.

[18:51] We talk to remarkable people about unremarkable topics, all to help you slow down your brain

[18:57] and drift off to sleep.

[18:59] For instance, we have the remarkable Neil Gaiman.

[19:02] I'd always had a vague interest in live culture, food preparation.

[19:09] Sleeping with Celebrities, hosted by me, John Moe, on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your

[19:16] podcasts.

[19:18] Night-night.

Dan McCoy

[19:19] Before we get into the ads, I'd just like to say that if you go over to flophousepodcast.com

[19:24] slash events, you're going to see some exciting new live shows over there.

[19:29] First, chronologically, on Sunday, March 31st.

[19:34] That's Easter Sunday at the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York.

[19:39] We're going to be doing a show, Doors at 7, for a 7.30 p.m. show.

[19:44] So please come out to that Brooklyn show.

[19:46] I know we've been doing a lot of coastal shows, Midwest, my home region, where I come from.

[19:52] I promise we are going to get to you.

[19:54] We're working on it.

[19:55] But we are doing our own bookings for the first time in Flophouse history.

[20:01] And it is complex, but we hope to have you next on our tour list.

[20:07] But also, we are going to the UK for the first time.

[20:11] That's right.

[20:12] The Flophouse is hopping across the pond for two shows in Oxford, England on May the 24th

[20:18] at Oxford Town Hall as part of the brand new Oxford Podcast Festival.

[20:25] There will be an early show and a late show, one at 7 p.m. and one at 9 p.m.

[20:31] And we're going to be discussing two different movies, one at the early, one at the late.

[20:36] Right now, the plan is to talk about The Avengers, not the Marvel movie.

[20:41] The one from 1998 starring Ralph Fiennes and Uma Thurman.

[20:45] That is an adaptation of the beloved 60s British spy series of the same name.

[20:50] And also, we will be talking about Spice World, the Spice Girls movie.

[20:54] You don't need any more explanation.

[20:56] It's the Spice Girls.

[20:57] You know that movie.

[20:59] Which movie goes with which time is still undecided, but you're going to get a great show with either one.

[21:04] So, again, please go over to flophousepodcast.com slash events for all the information and ticket links for those shows in Brooklyn, New York on March the 31st and Oxford, England on May 24th.

[21:18] And you may notice that I'm talking for a long time without interruption.

[21:23] That's because I'm doing these ads on my own.

[21:26] We recorded a little early because Stuart was flying off to Australia.

[21:32] And so I said, I will drop in these ads once I get the ad copy.

[21:36] So you get to hear a lot of my voice.

[21:39] Speaking of my voice, you know, when people think of me, they think of microdosing.

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[22:44] Also, we're sponsored in part by Babbel.

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[23:04] It seems like up there there's got to be some sort of universal translator.

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[24:27] And we also have, yes, a lot of my voice.

[24:30] We also have a Jumbotron.

[24:33] J-J-J-Jumbotron.

[24:35] Hello, fellow Flop fans.

[24:37] Do you enjoy listening to absurd role-playing-based comedy and complex webs of stupid jokes that build and recur across episodes?

[24:47] I do, too.

[24:48] That's why I love the Flophouse.

[24:49] But might I also offer for your listening pleasure Legend Lark?

[24:54] What is Legend Lark, you ask?

[24:56] Uh-oh.

[24:57] It's an actual play, tabletop, role-playing podcast, my friend.

[25:01] Listen to the show that no one is calling The Taking of Pelham 123 a podcast.

[25:06] Find us on your podcaster at legendlark.com.

[25:10] And there's a call to action that's specific for you, the Flophouse fans.

[25:15] For discerning fans of the Flophouse classic Bratz, I recommend starting with the short H-Rose Camp arc.

[25:25] Yes, H-Rose.

[25:26] It looks like horse, except for the O and the R have been transposed.

Elliott Kalan

[25:34] Anyhoo, back to the show.

[25:38] Here's another thing that's in the public domain now.

[25:41] The play of Peter Pan.

Dan McCoy

[25:44] Okay.

[25:45] Yeah, certainly what the world needs is more adaptations of Peter Pan.

[25:49] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[25:49] So you're doing it right, Dan, by not doing it.

[25:51] You're right.

[25:51] Sometimes the only way to play, the only way to win the game is not to play, as we learn from war games.

Dan McCoy

[25:55] I mean, I have to say, like, this is a story that I have no affinity for.

[26:03] I find it, like, weird and creepy.

Stuart Wellington

[26:04] Yeah, you said you like it less when they removed all the racist songs from the cartoons.

Elliott Kalan

[26:10] That stuff's not in the public domain.

[26:12] Oh, okay.

[26:13] So it's interesting, Dan, that the guy who is, the grown man who has no children himself and spends a lot of time watching cartoons doesn't have an affinity for Peter Pan.

[26:21] It's interesting.

[26:23] And the guy who might remind you that you are chased by a pirate all the time.

Dan McCoy

[26:27] We, Ali, we hate the flaws we see in ourselves.

[26:30] Oh, that's fair.

[26:30] I don't think that's true, actually.

[26:31] But also, like, so many, you know, like, I don't want to grow up.

[26:36] Filmmakers have made their version of Peter Pan over the years.

[26:40] And they're almost all bad.

[26:44] Like, there's a couple of good ones hidden in there, but I, you know, or ones that have good parts and then not so great parts.

Elliott Kalan

[26:52] That's fair.

[26:53] That's fair.

[26:53] It's kind of burned over material.

[26:54] It's been done.

[26:55] So how about this?

[26:55] So here's.

Stuart Wellington

[26:56] But what about Bangarang, Dan?

[26:59] What about Bangarang?

Elliott Kalan

[27:00] What about Rufio and those guys?

[27:02] Those are not in the public domain.

[27:04] I think you'll find they're not in the original text.

Dan McCoy

[27:07] This is a generational fight that I think I've just given up on.

[27:10] Like, you know what?

[27:12] People a little younger than me, go ahead and love your hook if you want to.

Elliott Kalan

[27:16] What I found is that hook is to me, as Space Jam, is to the generation after mine.

[27:21] Where it's like, well, this is the thing I have a nostalgic sentimentality for that.

[27:26] Also, I'll say it's good even though objectively it's got issues.

[27:29] You know, it's not that good.

[27:30] So here's a property that people have been waiting to get into public domain for a long time so they can finally get their hands on it.

[27:36] That's Memoirs of a Fox Hunting Man by Siegfried Sassoon.

[27:39] Of course.

[27:40] And so, Dan, how would you handle this one?

[27:45] Now.

[27:46] Is Max Mouse in this or is it just Sly-Light Blop?

[27:49] It's funny that you're pretending that you don't know that this is a series of episodes in the youth of George Shurston.

[27:55] Sure.

[27:56] Who goes from youth to slightly older maturity dealing with, you know, fixtures of wealthy village life.

[28:05] You know, there's a cricket match.

[28:06] There's a fox hunting thing.

[28:07] That kind of stuff.

[28:08] Well, certainly.

[28:09] In the years before World War I.

[28:12] It's the innocence of the pre-World War I world.

Stuart Wellington

[28:14] You didn't have to add that part.

[28:16] I knew exactly what you were talking about.

[28:17] Yeah.

[28:17] We all, of course, knew this.

Elliott Kalan

[28:20] I want to remind you that Siegfried Sassoon, also the poet of World War I, is not Vidal Sassoon, the hairstylist.

Stuart Wellington

[28:28] Okay.

[28:28] Well, that's going to amend my response here.

[28:31] It's going to change things a little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[28:32] Yes, because I've tried to figure out Vidal Sassoon's thoughts on World War I.

[28:35] I cannot find them in my research.

Dan McCoy

[28:38] So, with this fox hunting man, I think for a modern film, the first thing that we want to do is minimize the fox hunting.

[28:45] Okay, interesting.

[28:46] Because it is both a cruel relic and a symbol of the upper class that probably wouldn't play as well.

[28:54] So, we're going to take the fox hunting out.

[28:56] What was the other things that we could focus on?

[28:59] Cricket?

[28:59] Being in a village.

[29:00] Cricket.

[29:01] Yeah.

[29:01] Sure, cricket.

Stuart Wellington

[29:02] I mean, explaining the rules of cricket to a non-cricket fan, that's a movie in and of itself.

[29:07] That's a lot of information.

[29:09] That's true, yeah.

[29:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:11] Yeah.

[29:12] Cricket seems to me to be like the sports equivalent of like a tabletop game.

[29:18] Yeah.

[29:18] With a lot of…

[29:19] It's Calvin Ball.

[29:21] A lot of rules.

[29:22] Just a lot of rules.

[29:22] A lot of rules.

[29:24] A lot of…

[29:24] And funny names.

[29:25] Someone's explaining like math to me somehow.

Elliott Kalan

[29:27] So, it sounds like we would adapt it mainly as kind of a humorous guide to cricket to the American.

Dan McCoy

[29:32] All right.

[29:32] Is Goofy in the public domain?

[29:33] We could get him to do one of those…

[29:35] Unfortunately, Goofy is not, but yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[29:38] Cartoons.

[29:40] Yeah.

[29:40] With fox hunting, I mean, I feel like you can make it fun like that video game Duck Hunt where you have like a dog who laughs at you and you miss.

[29:47] No, that was a very different…

[29:48] We should have one where the fox kills the hunters, man.

[29:51] No, dirty tan attack.

[29:53] Turn the tables on them.

[29:55] Oh, he dragged himself out from under that coffee table.

[29:57] What if the fox has a chainsaw?

Elliott Kalan

[30:00] All right.

[30:00] Well, that was a tough one.

[30:01] That was a tough one.

[30:02] But now we'll get to one.

[30:03] Again, this is another property people have been really hoping would get into the public domain for a long time now.

[30:07] This is Coming of Age in Samoa by Margaret Mead.

[30:10] This is a nonfiction book.

[30:11] Right.

[30:11] It's a type of psychological study of primitive youth for Western civilization about kind of the growth and sexual development of adolescent girls in Samoa.

[30:20] Now, I'm sure there are many questions now about the underlying science of this book.

[30:25] But Warner Brothers has been trying to make a movie out of it for years.

[30:27] So, Dan, how would you handle this one?

Dan McCoy

[30:29] Now, okay.

[30:30] Margaret Mead, of course, famous sociologist, I guess you would like…

[30:35] Sure, yeah.

[30:36] Social anthropologist.

[30:37] Yeah.

[30:39] I mainly know her through the fact that she gets lampooned and has a song in Hair.

[30:45] Okay.

[30:46] A musical that I was in.

Stuart Wellington

[30:47] Yeah, I don't know if you remember.

[30:48] Back in college, Dan was the lead in the production of Hair.

[30:52] He played the hair.

[30:54] Stuart mentions it more than me.

[30:55] He's the only one who's wiener you don't see.

[30:59] But that's the thing.

[31:00] Leave him wanting more.

Elliott Kalan

[31:01] That's Dan's kind of whole thing.

[31:03] Yeah, in the playbook it says…

[31:05] Wiener question mark?

[31:06] So, it's like at the end of Frankenstein where it says the monster question mark because they

[31:10] didn't want people to know it was a person and not a real monster.

[31:12] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:14] So, that's my main association.

[31:16] So, I guess we could adapt that song.

[31:18] I guess that's not in the public domain.

[31:19] No, not in the public domain.

Elliott Kalan

[31:20] Okay.

[31:20] I'm going to…

[31:20] This is what we run into.

[31:22] You're going to get a point deficit for that.

[31:23] You're off the board.

[31:25] And now I'm making it a game.

[31:26] You know what?

[31:26] I wasn't planning on it, but it's a game now.

[31:28] Dan, you have negative…

[31:29] Actually, you're back at zero because your Eeyore stuff was really good.

[31:33] Okay.

[31:33] And then…

Stuart Wellington

[31:34] I mean, I think doing like a little slice of life kids growing up in Samoa thing, like

[31:39] that's a huge hit.

[31:40] Like, that's like…

[31:41] Yeah.

[31:41] That's right up like all the streamers alleys at targets, you know…

[31:45] They would love that.

[31:46] Like a YA demographic.

[31:48] You get some young hard bodies, put them under the sun.

[31:52] That's a thumbs up from Dan McCoy.

Dan McCoy

[31:54] I don't know why you keep trying to paint me this way.

[31:57] I don't care for it.

Elliott Kalan

[31:59] So, now the score right now, because I've decided it's a game, is we're tied at one to

[32:02] one because I forgot Dan did some good work earlier.

[32:05] Thank you.

[32:06] So, we're tied at one for one.

[32:07] This is going to be an easy one, though.

[32:08] You guys are going to knock this out of the park.

[32:09] How are we going to adapt?

[32:10] It's now in the public domain.

[32:11] The book, West Running Brook by Robert Frost.

[32:13] This is a book of poems.

[32:15] I'll just read you a little bit.

[32:17] Here's one.

[32:17] This is from the poem, The Freedom of the Moon.

[32:20] I've tried the new moon tilted in the air above a hazy tree and farmhouse cluster as you

[32:25] might try a jewel in your hair.

[32:26] I've tried it fine with a little breath of luster, alone or in one ornament combining

[32:30] with one first water star almost as shining.

[32:33] So, adapt.

[32:34] We've got to make it into a movie.

[32:35] How do we make that the first chapter of the Robert Frost verse?

Dan McCoy

[32:38] So, here's what I…

[32:40] So, there's this west running brook…

[32:42] Okay.

[32:43] …who wishes that it had the freedom of the moon to travel where it wanted and not go west

[32:49] running but go east running.

[32:51] It thinks that the moon has freedom because it sees it in the air.

[32:53] But then, ultimately, it realizes the moon only travels one direction as well.

[32:58] And sometimes, you know, we're set on a path in life that may not be the one that we wanted

[33:03] originally, but we have to find meaning and beauty in it.

[33:07] You know what, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[33:08] The end.

[33:09] I like it.

[33:09] And you know what I like even more?

[33:10] You can shoehorn a pop song into that really.

[33:13] Like, you can shoehorn…

[33:14] Like, Billie Eilish or someone does like a sad song or like a…

[33:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:17] You know…

[33:18] Or Lady Gaga does one of her like more standards type songs, you know?

[33:21] Yeah.

[33:22] I think…

[33:22] Great job.

[33:23] That's a great job on that.

[33:24] Stuart, I'm going to give you another one from that book because Dan just totally ate your

[33:27] lunch on that one.

[33:28] So, here's…

[33:29] So, this is a poem called…

[33:29] I mean, I didn't even get a chance, but that's okay.

[33:31] This one, I think, might be more along your lines.

[33:33] This is from Canis Major.

[33:35] It says,

[33:35] Stuart, what are you going to do with this overdog?

Stuart Wellington

[33:43] I mean, I'm going to say we're looking at a AMC original series.

[33:49] Okay.

[33:49] Yellowstone style drama western about a giant dog in the east.

[33:55] Okay, great.

Elliott Kalan

[33:57] I mean, it's a western, but the dog is in the east?

[34:00] Don't…

[34:01] When you're in the west, there's still an east.

[34:03] It travels west.

[34:03] Yeah.

[34:04] Okay.

[34:04] Oh, it's called Overdog Goes West.

[34:06] I see.

Stuart Wellington

[34:06] But it's one of those things where you have…

[34:08] Where you use the poetry mainly as episode titles and maybe like bookends for episodes.

[34:15] But…

[34:15] Or like a quote at the beginning that becomes significant later on.

[34:19] Not something attributed to one of the characters.

[34:21] That doesn't make sense.

[34:22] But who knows?

[34:23] I think that's…

[34:24] Because people love that shit.

Elliott Kalan

[34:27] They do love that shit.

[34:28] They love TV.

[34:29] I love TV.

[34:29] They do love that TV.

[34:30] You guys both did a great job.

[34:32] Okay, this is one…

[34:34] So this one I'm going to give to Dan also.

[34:35] It's another poem from West Running Brook.

[34:38] Great.

[34:38] It's called The Bear.

[34:39] I'm just going to read you a little bit and then I'm going to cut down.

[34:41] It goes, okay.

[34:42] The bear puts both arms around the tree above her and draws it down as if it were a lover.

[34:46] And it's choked Cherry's lips to kiss goodbye.

[34:48] And lets it snap back upright in the sky.

[34:51] And then running down a little bit.

[34:53] Let's see.

[34:54] Here we go.

[34:54] Or if he rests from scientific tread, tis only to sit back and sway his head through 90-odd degrees of arc, it seems, between two metaphysical extremes.

[35:02] He sits back on his fundamental butt with lifted snout and eyes, if any, shut.

[35:06] He almost looks religious, but he's not.

[35:09] And back and forth he sways from cheek to cheek at one extreme agreeing with one Greek at the other agreeing with another Greek, which may be thought, but only so to speak.

[35:16] So, Dan, you might obviously – this is a pervy one that mentions a butt, so I figured this is for you.

[35:21] It's a bear in a tree.

Dan McCoy

[35:22] Make it work.

[35:23] I was going to say, this seems like you targeted this to me because there's a lot of butt content in here.

[35:29] Uh-huh.

[35:31] I'm going to largely steer clear of the butt element of this one and make it more of sort of a –

Elliott Kalan

[35:37] The butt element starring Bruce Willis and Mia Jovovich?

[35:39] Yeah.

[35:40] We figured out –

[35:41] It's love.

[35:42] It's love.

[35:42] It's earth, fire, air, water, butts.

Dan McCoy

[35:46] Turns out the butt element was butt all along.

[35:48] It turns out the final element was butts.

Stuart Wellington

[35:51] Corbutt Dallas.

[35:53] No secret.

[35:56] Dallas is spelled with two S at the end.

[35:58] Yeah, of course.

[35:58] I'm going to –

Elliott Kalan

[35:59] And Gary Oldman is like, I should have brought my hair from Dracula.

[36:02] It looks like a butt.

[36:03] Then I would have won whatever the thing is I'm trying to get in this movie.

[36:06] Yeah, hairy butt man.

[36:06] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:08] Gary butt man.

[36:09] Hello, I'm hairy butt man.

Elliott Kalan

[36:11] I'm a parody of Gary Oldman, but I think I have to explain that because I'm a little far removed from

[36:15] the original.

[36:19] I'm going to turn this into –

[36:21] And you do have a reservation, sir?

[36:22] Yes, I do.

[36:22] It's under Buttman.

Dan McCoy

[36:25] B-U-T.

[36:27] No, I understand.

Stuart Wellington

[36:27] You wanted to be closer and still somewhat butt related.

[36:30] You could have been Gary Hole Man, but that's a little –

[36:35] That's not kind of the –

Elliott Kalan

[36:37] It sounds more like I'm the whole man, complete in and of myself, and I'm here on a date,

[36:41] so clearly I'm looking for my other half.

[36:43] Anyway, has she arrived?

[36:45] She knows the reservation is under Buttman.

[36:49] Oh, actually, I'm so sorry, sir.

[36:51] We gave your reservation away to the Howard Stern character, Butt Fartman.

[36:55] We made a mistake.

[36:56] We misread it.

[36:57] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:57] I'm sorry.

[36:58] I'm sorry.

[36:59] Bartman was here earlier, and we misunderstood.

Elliott Kalan

[37:04] Well, let me see who's sitting there.

[37:05] Oh, it's Gutman from the Maltese Falcon.

[37:07] I'm so sorry, sir.

Dan McCoy

[37:08] He told us to do his titular dance, and we all –

Elliott Kalan

[37:12] We did the Bartman, and then we had to eat his shorts, an unpleasant experience.

[37:20] Anyway.

[37:20] And with an iCarumba, he raced out of the place.

[37:23] Oh, my.

[37:24] Do you guys remember –

[37:25] He saw the Bart symbol.

[37:26] You guys remember when The Simpsons first started, they wanted to merchandise the hell out of it,

[37:29] and they only had really a season or less of a show.

[37:32] So, like, Bart always says, iCarumba, and he always says, eat my shorts.

[37:36] He always will.

[37:37] He always says.

[37:37] He always will say that.

Stuart Wellington

[37:39] And while we were planning on having a cow, he begged us not to.

Dan McCoy

[37:44] Only the men, though.

Elliott Kalan

[37:46] So, Dan, this poem, it's a bear and a tree, and it's a metaphor for something in life.

[37:51] I was going to –

Dan McCoy

[37:51] Yeah.

[37:52] We're going to take it in sort of a Lars and the real girl direction where this bear –

[37:56] Bears and the real butt.

[37:57] – has a romance with this tree and all the other bears in the community.

[38:00] Sort of indulge it, but, you know, hope that the bear will move on to another bear at some point.

[38:07] Uh-huh, yeah.

[38:08] Sure.

[38:08] Sort of a, you know, quirky, indie, woodland comedy.

Elliott Kalan

[38:13] Yeah, that sounds great.

[38:14] Not twisted at all.

[38:16] I like it.

[38:16] Not at all twisted?

[38:18] Okay.

[38:19] So, here's the – so, guys, it's finally in the public domain.

[38:24] Mack the Knife, the song.

[38:27] But what's not in the public domain –

[38:28] Okay, but not Mack Tonight.

[38:29] Is not Mack Tonight.

[38:30] I wanted to make this very clear.

[38:32] So, you've got to make something with the character of Mack the Knife, but he cannot have a giant moon for his head.

[38:36] He can't play piano.

[38:37] He can't wear sunglasses.

[38:38] Maybe he can wear sunglasses.

[38:39] I don't –

[38:39] He doesn't work for McDonald's.

Dan McCoy

[38:41] I don't watch Seth Meyers, but I've seen enough clips that I'm like, maybe I should.

[38:45] I'd seen one – apparently, he talked about Mack Tonight a lot.

[38:49] And, like, people sent in a bunch of Mack Tonight memorabilia to him that he was very distressed by.

[38:55] He's like, why did – I don't –

[38:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:57] This is something I find very funny about fans of things where they're like, you mentioned this thing.

[39:01] You must love it.

Stuart Wellington

[39:03] Yeah, yeah.

[39:04] It's like when your aunt finds out you like turtles.

[39:07] So, every time she sees you, she brings you, like, a little turtle figurine.

[39:11] And you're like, now I have, like, an entire wall of turtle figurines.

[39:14] And the thing is, I still love turtles.

Elliott Kalan

[39:17] Seth, if you're listening, you can send me the Mack Tonight stuff.

[39:21] I'll keep it.

[39:22] Dan would love it.

[39:22] Yeah, because imagine if instead of turtles, it's Mack Tonight.

[39:25] And instead, you have millions of ants who watch you every night on television.

[39:29] So, Dan, so what are you going to do with Mack the Knife?

[39:32] He's a guy with a knife.

[39:33] His name's McHeath, but you can just call him Mack if you want.

Dan McCoy

[39:36] Yes.

[39:37] What do we know about this guy?

[39:38] Something named McHeath here.

[39:41] Something, something.

[39:42] He doesn't have a knife.

[39:43] He is the knife, right?

Elliott Kalan

[39:44] Yeah, so that's the thing.

[39:46] Stuart, I like where you're taking this, that he is not a guy with a knife, but is a knife.

[39:49] Like, he's a half man, half knife, or he's the knife that someone else uses.

[39:52] Maybe it's a Pixar-type thing about knives.

[39:54] I'm a contestant now.

[39:55] Now I'm in the game, and I'm doing, I'm suggesting stuff.

[39:58] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[39:58] Yeah, I mean, I was going to say, maybe he's like a razor boy in Shadowrun.

[40:01] He's some kind of street samurai who's, you know, trying to fill up his cred stick with Nuyen from the Megacores.

[40:09] But the thing is, he's operating outside the law.

[40:12] You know, he's sinless.

[40:13] He doesn't have an identification number.

Elliott Kalan

[40:15] This is not that different from the plot of Three Penny Opera, to be honest.

Dan McCoy

[40:19] Or is it like, you know, like 90s slang about, like, macking on someone?

[40:24] Like, it's about making a knife?

[40:26] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[40:26] That'd be pretty intense.

[40:27] That's pretty twisted, Danny D.

[40:29] Dirty Danny D.

Dan McCoy

[40:29] You know, it just comes natural to me.

Elliott Kalan

[40:32] I want to go with mine where it's about, he's a knife, but he wants to be a fork or something like that.

[40:37] He's got to learn how it's good to be a knife.

[40:39] Yeah.

[40:40] And Randy Newman is like, was he?

[40:42] You got to find it knives.

Stuart Wellington

[40:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[40:45] When you're made a certain way at the factory, that's what you got to be.

[40:49] That sounds more like Springsteen, but, you know.

[40:51] Making the cut.

[40:54] Okay, so we're running late, running long.

[40:57] So let's, we're just going to go to, again, to everyone.

Dan McCoy

[40:59] Tell the affiliates.

Elliott Kalan

[41:01] Yeah, we're going to be going over.

[41:03] We're going to have to push back the news and Huey Lewis, who hosts the local news now.

[41:08] Yeah.

[41:09] I'm Huey Lewis.

[41:10] You'd be great at it.

[41:11] I'm Huey Lewis, and here's the news.

[41:15] I absorbed the news into me.

[41:19] I expanded like Tetsuo at the end of Akira and absorbed the rest of the news into me.

[41:23] So I'm now Huey Lewis.

[41:26] Of the new flesh.

[41:27] So guys, here's that character we've all been excited about.

[41:30] He's in the public domain.

[41:32] I mentioned him before.

[41:32] I'm going to mention him again.

[41:34] Mr. Blutzworthy on Rampole Island.

[41:36] How are you going to make a franchise out of this guy?

[41:38] Wait, on Rampole Island?

[41:40] No, Rampole Island, Dan.

[41:43] Get your mind out of the gutter, Dirty D.

[41:45] That's what I thought I heard.

Stuart Wellington

[41:46] Rampole Island.

[41:47] You hear Mr. Blutzworthy, you know there's only one actor who can bring that guy to life,

[41:51] and that's Tom Hanks.

[41:52] So slap that dude in that role.

[41:53] Okay.

[41:54] Blutzworthy Island.

[41:55] That sounds awesome.

[41:56] Maybe it's like a tropical paradise.

[42:00] You got Tom Hanks just hanging out wearing resort wear, making friends.

Elliott Kalan

[42:06] Like in Castaway when he's just wearing resort wear the whole time?

Stuart Wellington

[42:09] Yeah.

[42:10] And maybe some local drug smugglers get involved, and he has to trick them and save Rampole Island.

Dan McCoy

[42:20] Well, now my mishearing, now I feel like my way of using this has to be to make a million dollars, of course, off of the porn parody everyone's been waiting for Mr. Buttsworthy on Rampole Island.

Elliott Kalan

[42:34] I'm glad, Dan, you avoided Butts so much in that previous Robert Frost one, but now you're all over it.

[42:39] Okay, so.

[42:40] I'm coming home.

[42:40] So how are you doing a porn parody of what Stewart just came up with?

[42:44] Oh, I wasn't listening.

[42:45] Tom Hanks can't be in the porn parody.

[42:47] He's contractually.

[42:49] Disney owns his image as Geppetto, so they could, I guess if they use that, they could do it.

[42:54] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[42:55] Disney is like, in order to make Disney Plus profitable, we will have to start showing porn on it.

[42:59] So we will be producing it with our characters.

[43:01] They don't have to be in the public domain anymore to have sex with each other.

[43:04] We're doing that now.

[43:05] We've hired as our new head of content, Dirty D.

[43:08] We've heard what you want.

[43:10] Dirty D, please tell us what our characters are going to be doing right now on Disney Plus XX.

Dan McCoy

[43:16] You know, just doing it, man.

[43:18] All the characters, all your favorite characters.

[43:21] You ever wonder if they do it?

[43:22] Well, they do do it.

[43:22] They do it on Disney X.

[43:24] X.

Elliott Kalan

[43:25] And who are some of these characters?

[43:26] Like the hit characters from-

[43:27] I don't know, man.

Dan McCoy

[43:28] Daisy.

[43:29] Daisy's like a girl duck.

[43:31] Yeah, yeah.

[43:32] And she, you know, does that.

Stuart Wellington

[43:33] Daisy and the fucking dad from Inside Out.

Dan McCoy

[43:35] Yeah, they're just crushing it.

[43:36] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[43:36] Finally.

[43:36] I don't even like doing this anymore.

[43:38] This is gross.

[43:38] The rescuers, you better believe they're going down under.

Elliott Kalan

[43:42] Finally, all the characters from Treasure Planet are going to be doing it.

[43:46] All your favorite Disney characters.

Stuart Wellington

[43:47] I mean, yeah.

[43:48] I feel like Dan's lived in that world so long, Elliot, that us bringing it up, we're like

[43:52] expecting him to be excited, but he's like so jaded at this point.

[43:55] It's not even a joke to him anymore.

[43:56] It's not a joke.

[43:57] People are horny for those Robin Hood foxes.

Dan McCoy

[44:00] Now's your chance.

[44:01] Yeah.

[44:01] I guess.

[44:03] For, to see him.

[44:04] To what?

[44:04] To have sex with them?

[44:05] I mean, Dan, that's not how it works.

[44:07] Well, that's the premium.

Elliott Kalan

[44:09] Yeah, yeah.

[44:10] You get a little VR headset.

Dan McCoy

[44:11] Yeah, Disney Plus VR, I see.

[44:13] Okay.

[44:14] Disney Plus Plus.

Elliott Kalan

[44:15] Well, I guess we figured out.

Dan McCoy

[44:16] Because you can turn those pluses on their side, their Xs.

Elliott Kalan

[44:18] Anyway.

[44:18] Oh, I see.

[44:19] That's his TED talk about it.

[44:22] He goes, let's take these pluses in and turn them on their sides.

[44:25] Disney X.

[44:26] What?

[44:28] That's the power of imagination.

[44:31] So, guys, I guess we kind of.

Dan McCoy

[44:33] That's the power of imagination.

Elliott Kalan

[44:35] Oh, it's Huey Neuys.

[44:37] It's Huey Neuys.

[44:39] Anyway.

[44:40] So, guys, I wanted this episode to be, to us showing that you can do other things with

[44:44] public domain characters besides make them have sex with each other.

[44:47] And I failed.

[44:47] That's the only thing you can do.

[44:49] It's the only thing, apparently.

[44:50] All they can do is.

[44:51] Every road takes us back there.

[44:53] It's almost as if original stories.

[44:55] The limits of human imagination.

[44:56] It's almost as if original stories don't need to be reimagined or recreated or even adapted.

[45:03] And we should focus on creating new things.

[45:05] Enriching that cultural clay with new ideas that can then spur new inspirations rather than

[45:10] just taking everybody's old stuff and reusing it again.

[45:14] Or, or, yes, we have no bananas.

[45:16] Alex, hit it.

[45:19] All right, everybody.

[45:20] Yes, we have no bananas is going to play us out because let's stick with the old stuff.

[45:25] I guess the only thing you can do is have characters kill or do each other.

[45:28] And there's no new ideas under the sun.

[45:30] It's impossible.

[45:31] So let's use that public domain stuff.

[45:32] This has been a self-defeating Flophouse mini.

[45:35] I hope you enjoyed it.

[45:35] If you didn't, please send all your letters to DirtyDanMcCaulay, care of Max Fon.

[45:41] I'll eat them.

[45:44] He's so hungry, everybody.

[45:46] He's so twisted.

[45:47] He doesn't know what to do with letters.

Dan McCoy

[45:50] Normally, people read letters, but I eat them.

Elliott Kalan

[45:53] He's so twisted.

[45:54] He does his things backwards.

[45:55] He's like, I go to sleep in a bathtub and I take a bath in a bed.

[45:59] Yeah, he's bizarre.

[46:00] Oh, yeah.

[46:02] Bad bye, everybody.

[46:06] So thanks so much for listening.

[46:08] If you enjoyed this show or even if you didn't, please leave us a five-star review on whatever podcast app you use.

Dan McCoy

[46:14] If you're recommending an episode to listeners, new listeners, maybe not this one.

[46:18] Maybe not this one.

[46:19] This one works best once you have affection for us.

Elliott Kalan

[46:22] Yeah.

[46:22] The Max Fond Drive is coming up next month.

[46:24] Please don't judge us based on this episode and pay accordingly.

[46:28] Please, thanks to our editor and producer, Alex Smith.

[46:31] He goes by Howell Doughty online and does a lot of great stuff.

[46:34] He does a lot of good work for us, like putting Yes, We Have No Bananas, hopefully, in the background while I'm talking, or else this is not going to work, Alex.

[46:40] I would be very upset if I listen to this later and Yes, We Have No Bananas is not playing, the original version of it.

[46:46] Give him a chance to succeed before you start attacking him for failure.

[46:52] But this has been The Flophouse.

[46:54] We'll be back next week talking about a movie.

[46:56] For the time being now, though, I am Elliot Kalin.

[46:59] I've been joined by Dan McCoy and Stuart Wellington.

Stuart Wellington

[47:04] Keep making that IP, I guess.

[47:06] Yeah, don't stop believing.

S5

[47:08] We have no bananas today.

[47:12] You got a strawberry pie?

[47:14] Yes, I don't think we got strawberry pie.

Elliott Kalan

[47:16] You got a coconut pie?

S5

[47:17] Yes, I don't think we got coconut pie.

FH Mini 98 - In the Public Domain

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