Ep. #418 - Cool as Ice, LIVE

[0:00] on this episode we discuss cool as ice live from portland oregon

[0:30] hey everyone welcome to the flop house i'm dan mccoy i'm stewart wellington i'm elliot kaelin

[0:44] and yes we are live from the aladdin theater in portland oregon

[0:49] stop to on our errors tour we still have some juice

[0:55] what i hope so we'll see how it goes look i mean i have been whining so much like i you know like

[1:01] it's it's four days you do whine a lot

[1:06] i'm glad you recognize that i'm not used to doing anything

[1:11] but uh yeah we we got up we flew here and we're glad to be here to talk about cool as ice

[1:19] starring one mr vanilla robert van winkle ice yeah when he when he wrote the letters

[1:27] accepting the role it said from the desk of v ice on the top they're like very ice yeah be that

[1:34] now vi warshawski was that a vanilla ice project as well vanilla ice warshawski exactly yeah

[1:40] everyone remembers those uh than one movie so did anyone in the audience actually watch cool

[1:47] as ice wow wow wow you guys are lucky yeah you're welcome you're welcome yeah um so we're going to

[1:55] be talking about cool as ice today i have the lucky job of summarizing it let's see how i did

[2:01] okay hey how you did okay stewart's unstuck in time he's experiencing all moments at the same

[2:08] time look through the portal of time and dan you forgot stewart left his watch inside a radio

[2:13] radiation experiment of some kind so now he's on mars at the same time he's here so if you've

[2:17] never heard the podcast i'm just sick of all these vanilla ices

[2:25] i may go out to space and make some vanilla ices of my own

[2:29] so if you've never heard the podcast before and you've been dragged here we're not going to show

[2:33] the movie i'm going to paint a word picture do that on your own time i'm going to do it poorly

[2:38] compared to the movie if you ever wanted to have vanilla vanilla ice to have cool as ice described

[2:44] to you you're like buckle up i can't it would be too much work to go to wikipedia and read a summary

[2:50] i'm sure along the way we'll describe vanilla ice i think it'll happen yeah yeah okay so the movie

[2:55] opens with a dance number that's right i'll say this the first seconds of this movie are fantastic

[3:04] and not electric not on the ironic level that i enjoy much of the movie on

[3:08] so this is this is where the director is really like uh showing off his music video and playboy

[3:13] video before we get into it so a lot of people talk about how you got into it dan janusz kaminski

[3:20] uh academy award-winning cinematographer did the cinematography for cool he's here tonight

[3:26] bring him out uh you know uh so the movie looks beautiful on that level but also the

[3:33] director is really setting elliot up for a janusz kaminski impression and yeah what does he sound

[3:37] that i know that sounds i don't i don't know yeah i'm very worried about that questionable

[3:43] you know it is me i like to make movies at night so he's the cinematographer but the

[3:53] director of the film let's put the shot over there my children yeah and it is like his other

[4:00] drink wine while i'm working but that's not professional after a day of working with mr

[4:07] spielberg sometimes i need a little bit of something to take the edge on with a little wine

[4:14] um the anyway i'll be in my coffin until tomorrow's shoot if you need me

[4:19] if you want to talk about wine or whatever um they know that the director of this film i remember

[4:24] they asked me they asked me to be the director of photography on big night and i looked at the set

[4:30] garlic everywhere no no said i the director uh his other big film is inspector gadget starring

[4:43] matthew broderick but he has a long career as one a music video director to a director of

[4:52] television commercials and three a director of playboy videos which helps you understand

[4:57] cool of size which is just a series of striking images that don't relate to one another yeah

[5:03] set to music dan do you for the audience do you want to describe playboy videos for anybody

[5:08] they're basically just music videos where girls take their clothes upstairs we're kind of all

[5:11] agreeing that dan missed his calling as being a playboy video director imagine there's sort of

[5:17] like a mechanics garage where an attractive woman works and there's like one smudge here and she's

[5:22] like i should take my clothes off to deal with this now you you may say to yourself it's a

[5:26] mechanics garage there's not there wouldn't be an old-timey jukebox in the corner oh that's where

[5:31] you're wrong so a lot of images okay so the movie opens with that's what the movie images is about

[5:38] right other making a playboy movie movie opens with a dance number that's basically like a whole

[5:43] music video yes or what get with it no that's later on i can't remember everybody get loose i

[5:48] think they're all all the vanilla songs are essentially the same song every him about

[5:52] getting loose getting with it rapper i'm such a great rapper i'm the best that's essentially every

[5:57] song so this is everybody get loose featuring naomi campbell we got a big star yeah well then

[6:03] disappear from the film but he disappears yep uh we get the whole thing it's not called cool as

[6:07] campbell the video is set in a warehouse there's a lot of dancing flipping etc as the as the song

[6:16] wraps up we are introduced to a crew that helped perform these dance numbers johnny played by

[6:22] vanilla ice should i call him vanilla ice or johnny just call him vanilla ice okay so we have vanilla

[6:28] ice and then his posse which is sir d jazz and princess don't worry they don't mention their

[6:33] names that many times they're not even and they're not really in the movie for after a certain hang

[6:37] out they hang out they hang yeah they're they're in a different more richard linklater ish movie

[6:44] yeah or they're teaching sort of an elderly mechanic couple how to cut loose yeah well

[6:48] they just kind of waste time they're bored a little bit yeah so they head out on their motorbikes down

[6:52] a like a lonely country highway yeah uh vanilla ice does some stunt motorcycle driving against

[7:00] kathy a young equestrian he spooks her horse she gets mad at him and then they do a little bit of

[7:06] like fight flirting playful banter yeah she hits any banters i think it's i think she is letting

[7:11] him off easy considering he could have easily killed her he by spooking her horse by driving

[7:16] a motorcycle jumping over a fence in front of a horse and i don't think he jumps a fence yeah and

[7:23] she gets thrown i think i'm gonna let off easy i'm gonna hazard a guess he doesn't understand

[7:28] horses very well no well he's like oh look at that big meat bike well well later on later

[7:35] on he describes her specifically as yeah that chucu drives the horse he's a city boy he's not

[7:43] used to seeing horses you know he's a city that's a big rat that's kidnapping that lady

[7:49] well you can tell he's a city boy because he has bricks shaved into the back of his head yeah okay

[7:54] so we should describe we should describe vanilla ice because this this movie didn't grow up when

[8:00] mr v ice was popular he this movie the biggest falls this movie has is in presenting a world

[8:06] where vanilla ice can walk around and people aren't just like goggle-eyed being what are you

[8:11] what are you talking about that's what the movie is no yeah no they treat him the way you would

[8:15] treat like a leather-jacketed punk in the 50s they don't treat him like a neon cartoon character oh

[8:20] i disagree i think the beauty of this film is he goes to the small town and everyone's like

[8:24] what the fuck is this yeah not enough not enough the fact that anyone in the movie

[8:28] holds a conversation with him without being like what what are you what

[8:33] what holds a conversation i think is charitable

[8:41] so in the middle they should all they should every scene they should be looking at each other

[8:44] going is this a real person like did you hire this guy for my birthday yeah they're looking

[8:50] around for the camera and it's right there next to yanosh kaminsky yeah just pretend we're not

[8:54] here it's a movie it's your actors i don't know how you're forgetting this so come on the sun's

[9:01] coming up in minutes we gotta get this shot no i don't uh i don't understand is it are you

[9:06] concerned with you know magic hour are you concerned with the fact that you're a vampire

[9:10] do i have to choose it's a little bit of both okay there's a space on the venn diagram that

[9:15] says hurry up is right here yeah so while they're driving through like a small town usa

[9:23] suburban town jazz's bike breaks down in the middle of the street everybody looks at them

[9:28] they're like what's going on with these guys luckily yes yep they definitely don't pull over

[9:32] just hang out in the middle of the street luckily uh through happenstance they find

[9:38] local mechanics roscoe and may who live in a very quirky peewee's playhouse type yeah that's

[9:44] a good way to describe oversized furniture and the roof is a giant map of the world right yeah

[9:49] perfect um okay they have globes on like impaled along the edge of the yard as if to warn other

[9:55] globes from going to their house and this is all stuff that again strike

[10:00] images that will just like cut to like oh let's look at this for a little while

[10:03] you know the interesting thing yeah sure it has nothing to do with the story but

[10:07] oh it's probably better than whatever we had cooked up at a certain at a certain

[10:12] level you could cut together a scene from cool as ice in a scene from what's

[10:16] the David Byrne movie true stories and absolutely you wouldn't be able to tell

[10:20] that much of a difference yeah so while they're waiting around for the bike to

[10:25] get fixed they see Kathy riding along with her preppy boyfriend Nick not on a

[10:30] horse in a car they're riding around in a sports car like a metal horse and they

[10:33] like something very similar actually they it's very important to the

[10:37] dichotomy of this movie he has a car and vanilla eyes drives a motorcycle and she

[10:43] drives a horse and she drives a horse the horse she's the perfect Cronenberg

[10:47] in melting of organics and machine turns out Kathy lives just down the

[10:56] street from Roscoe's house huh which is like neighborhood like neighborhood

[11:01] committee be like you can't put fucking globes on he was there first before the

[11:05] yuppies moved in they can't get rid of them try as they do okay so vanilla ice

[11:10] runs over and they engage in a little bit of flirty banter meanwhile he

[11:15] distracts her and steals her organizer for some reason cool guy behavior here

[11:21] is the hero of the movie meanwhile inside the house we get this like a

[11:27] family life sequence that's sped up super fast so that it's kind of

[11:31] terrifying it's pretty it is again it's like they're not I guess maybe there

[11:36] there's a satirical edge to it and I don't know if they're intending it or

[11:39] not this kind of like sped up world with it this her younger brother watches TV

[11:44] passes out yeah like it's a it's it's not a bad it's not bad stuff no it's

[11:49] like it but it does definitely feels like a music video yeah yeah I mean this

[11:55] is essentially vanilla is his version of Moonwalker the Michael Jackson movie

[11:58] that's just videos put together except for like that I really wish there was a

[12:02] point in which he turned into claymation yeah or a giant robot at the end yeah

[12:06] that would be amazing that was the time that doesn't happen though yeah so the

[12:11] family gathers around the TV and they watch a segment on the news about how

[12:14] Kathy's kind of like a scholar-athlete and her dad Gordon Winslow is played by

[12:22] who played by Michael Gross he's family ties dad and everyone's favorite

[12:28] trimmers hunter here's the thing though watch the true watch the movie and try

[12:32] and tell yourself Michael Gross is doing an impression of James Urbaniak he is

[12:36] somehow his voice sounds just like him his mannerisms are a lot like him

[12:40] interesting yeah thank you one person the audience affirmation that's all I

[12:44] need Jesus needed 12 followers I only need one so this news story has a little

[12:54] bit of reach because meanwhile we see in a bar a couple of mobsters are walking

[12:57] the same the local news about this scholar yeah they and they on the news

[13:04] they recognize her dad as an old like informant and we just to clarify things

[13:11] Gordon Winslow Michael Gross is actually Jimmy Hackett a former cop who turned

[13:16] what evidence against his partners it's he had a dirty partner and he turned

[13:21] evidence against him and his witness protection this gets cleared up later

[13:27] much later like I'll cover it now well but yeah we will cover you now to make

[13:30] it clear but it's weird to me in the context of the movie that Michael Gross

[13:34] takes like he knows that he's in danger yes and he takes so long to explain to

[13:40] his family why when the movie kind of implies like oh maybe there's like maybe

[13:45] he has some reason why he's ashamed of it whereas like if I was in the situation

[13:51] but like no I did the right thing like they're criminals now after me I'm going

[13:55] to tell you everything immediate Dan if you if you had been in this situation

[13:59] you would have done the right thing and not put your goddamn face on television

[14:03] I guess he's just so and it makes more sense than when you're watching it he's

[14:07] kind of like trying to half shield his face with his hands I'm so proud of my

[14:11] daughter I'm so proud of my dog just the sons in my eyes but uh okay it's proud

[14:18] of us I mean I understand that I'm so proud of my kids that they got to be on

[14:21] TV I'd be like yeah send some hitmen after me I don't care don't really do

[14:26] that meanwhile over Roscoe's house good good save so it turns out that Roscoe is

[14:33] completely just deconstructed Jazz's bike uh-oh it's gonna take at least 24

[14:39] hours to fix this is sort of a play on a motorcycle motorcycle two ways you need

[14:45] all the smears of sauce around of course you do that's the best part that's one

[14:49] of many ticking clocks we'll get to others meanwhile Johnny goes to their

[14:55] house and he meanwhile he's going to talk to Kathy again he bumps into the

[15:00] mobsters who have already shown up and he's talking to them they're like

[15:04] staking out the house they are sitting on their car just within plain view of

[15:09] the front door of the house yeah but this is not their intimidation moment

[15:12] because they come back later and they're like hey it's us like what were you

[15:16] doing just outside the house they were there so Johnny could talk to them which

[15:20] would lead Michael Rose to of course thinking that they're in to assume

[15:24] these two gangsters are working with again an alien cartoon this flattop man

[15:30] with a down by down by law jacket and and multiple different outfits even

[15:35] though he had no luggage on that motorcycle the ball up his clothes and

[15:40] stuff under the exhaust like what gig do you think that they were going to that

[15:47] took them through this this zone wherever they're going they're gonna

[15:51] freak out some squares yeah that's a good point I guess they were on their

[15:56] way to the Nassau Coliseum the mobsters show up and they like threaten Michael

[16:01] gross they say you got to give us $500,000 in damages I guess and you have

[16:07] 24 hours like $500,000 worth of DVDs of damage I get them in time I mean just

[16:14] wait alone is gonna be a challenge yes okay meanwhile the kids all go to a

[16:19] party at the sugar shack that's a local venue this is the nerdiest venue they

[16:24] could possibly go to it's pretty cool there's a local band that is not doing

[16:28] very well yeah I kind of enjoyed their weird like funk punk take on like they

[16:35] sounded like a worse version of the Minutemen kind of yeah it was almost

[16:39] because they're doing it's what a Sly Stone song yeah and it feels like almost

[16:42] like a Neil Hamburger version yeah yes vanilla ice and his crew show up and

[16:48] they commandeer the microphones and they perform their song the people's choice

[16:52] mm-hmm the crowd was like whoa the crowd is initially like cold to it but they

[16:57] warm up yeah they're like this is the new sound they've been looking yeah the

[17:01] honeyed words of a vanilla ice well and vanilla ice like pulls Kathy in and they

[17:06] start to dance and Nick's like I don't like this don't approve and and she

[17:10] gives him she gives him a countdown she's like look you've got 24 hours to

[17:15] return my organizer I'm like oh man I'm come fucking watch she then gets in a

[17:24] fight with her boyfriend who's like why are you dancing with that maniac and

[17:28] he's drunk and he's frankly being an asshole right damn or dance like oh you

[17:32] know reasonable okay let's see how Dan gets whenever I have something to say

[17:38] they assume that I'm gonna know this is this is an interesting tactic it's like

[17:43] Barbie got too many Oscar nominations no do not know I did not I Stewart told me

[17:53] you said it I guess there's two sources now yes people are saying that you said

[17:59] it no it's this movie is playing a card that I think is funny that a lot of

[18:05] movies play where they're like like they make it a viable choice that vanilla

[18:11] ice is the romantic lead for this woman by making the other choice a dick and

[18:17] clearly these are the only two men available so well I guess between these

[18:22] two this guy's well goober but it's nice well after he steals her organizer he

[18:28] keeps calling her college girl in the weirdest way possible yeah that's

[18:32] everything he says is like so smugly delivered and the script for it I'm like

[18:40] did they did they improvise this whole thing and vanilla has provided his own

[18:44] because he seemed he seemed so pleased with himself but everything is like I

[18:47] mean his line delivery is like the little girl from the fall does he know

[18:53] he's in a movie he thinks he's actually they're paying him with candy but is it

[19:02] is that every line he seems convinced that he is the greatest performer in the

[19:05] history of the world so she gets it works for his characters character is a

[19:10] vain asshole it's perfect so she gets in a fight with her boyfriend storms off

[19:13] the mobsters follow her on the road and then luckily vanilla I shows up and

[19:19] saves her on her his motorcycle mm-hmm but when he drops her off at home her

[19:23] dad yells at her he's like do you know this guy and she's like I just met him

[19:27] and he's like you shouldn't date him and she gets mad at him I'm like no your

[19:29] dad's kind of right he's like look at this guy look at him I have to admit the

[19:34] first time and I can't believe I'm saying this words the first time I saw

[19:37] the movie cool as ice I may have been a little stoned and I didn't like really

[19:45] like covered yourself I can't arrest you now it didn't Elliot talks into his

[19:49] lapel we don't got what we need forget it call it out stand down stand out

[19:53] sniper stand down it didn't really the shot actually you know I'll go for it

[20:00] Wow

[20:01] My friend for so many years

[20:03] It was all along. Yeah, deep cover

[20:06] It didn't sit like the farce plotting of this didn't sink into me like how much they're like misunderstanding

[20:11] There's going on where it's like Oh Michael gross saw vanilla ice with these

[20:16] Really saw him asking directions from the monitor now

[20:19] He's like oh, he must be friends with the mops cuz like in my mind

[20:22] I'm just like yeah, you know of course Michael grows to be like don't date this guy

[20:28] The movie has to give him a plot reason to say don't get this weird stranger

[20:35] Who almost killed you with his motorcycle and you were riding all horse?

[20:40] Okay, so after dropping her off

[20:43] Vanilla ice goes back to the sugar shack to pick up his crew who are nowhere to be found, but it doesn't matter outside

[20:49] Nick and his buddies are like beating up

[20:53] Sir D one of the game and one of his crews bikes and then vanilla ice beats them all up easily single-handedly

[21:00] Single-handedly barely breaks a sweat. It's incredible and then he leaves next morning like a regular vanilla reacher

[21:08] Guys next morning oh

[21:11] I guess this is important

[21:14] Possibly my favorite moment the movie

[21:18] Kathy is awoken in her bed

[21:22] In her home in her home her private residence

[21:27] With an ice cube that's being first dripped into her mouth and then pushed between her lips

[21:34] That ice cube held by of course vanilla ice now, do you think he created that cube with his ice powers yes?

[21:42] That's to be assumed. There's nothing in the movie that says otherwise

[21:45] Professor Xavier taught him to harness his mutant capabilities and then kicked him out of the school. Yeah

[21:51] You're giving mutants a bad name so vanilla thinks you're weird

[21:57] Everyone thinks you're weird and we have a

[22:01] Have you seen us we are weird we're weird

[22:05] Now class of 2000 whatever go on and be weird in the real world. That was the speech

[22:12] I do like the idea that professor X like just fucking go out there go crazy

[22:17] Look I was fucking life, man. I was wrong apocalypse was right

[22:21] Let's go show those those flat scans with what it's like when a mutants around we are homeless superior. Fuck it, man

[22:28] And they're like I think I think professor Xavier's having a midlife crisis

[22:33] You really souped up his wheelchair yeah

[22:36] everybody I bought a Corvette wheelchair and

[22:40] But then I went into therapy

[22:42] I feel like you like the the robes and outfits he wears when he goes into outer space to hang out with his space girlfriend

[22:47] It was like a super midlife

[22:50] Every man reaches a point midlife when they say goodbye to their old life

[22:53] And they go into she our space with their with their alien feather haired girlfriend because she's a half bird. Yeah

[23:00] Leave I know it leaving behind the school they run

[23:05] Okay, okay, so Kathy wakes up with this strange man in her bed

[23:11] She's cool with it. Oh cool as ice with it. Yeah. Yeah, they banned her a little bit. They like run around the bedroom playfully

[23:21] From another perspective it might be terrifying

[23:25] They end up going on a date date where they ride around on his motorcycle

[23:29] Day date where they ride around on his motorcycle. This is where it gets the most playboy video

[23:36] As they like frolic in fields of wheat and in a half-finished house. Yeah

[23:41] Construction site. Yeah, they visit this construction site. They horse around they ride a horse

[23:47] They ride a bike around in the desert. They play around in the field. This is all one day. I guess

[23:53] A day full of frolicking is it the weekend is she's not in school anymore is that time has no meaning and it doesn't matter

[24:00] Yeah, doesn't matter. This is cool as ice, baby. They show up

[24:03] He drops her off home. I know you got the day off from school for Yom Kippur. Let's go out to the desert

[24:10] Wow Johnny, I didn't expect you to know that I understand the calendar I

[24:16] I

[24:19] Want to brag I didn't say I've been I'm supposed to be atoning today Johnny, but we're not gonna eat

[24:23] We're just gonna frolic around an unbuilt house

[24:25] In a way in a way that unbuilt house represents the unfinished world that we're tasked with repairing

[24:31] Oh

[24:32] Reb ice you're so wise

[24:34] Yeah

[24:41] As the good book says get with the hero not with the zero

[24:51] Yeah, that's in love it ice yeah

[24:56] Stewart if you don't run me on this gonna be doing more vanilla ice is a rabbi jokes. Yeah, so

[25:00] Vanilla ice drops Kathy off at home or cat as he calls her drops her off at home

[25:06] And her dad Michael gross comes out and he confronts him. You know, they have a big fight

[25:12] He after vanilla ice leaves he comes clean with Kathy explains the whole situation the witness protection, etc

[25:20] He urges her to break up with vanilla ice, which is not a surprise, but she surprisingly she agrees with him

[25:26] She decides to do it. She breaks up with him. I mean she does she probably does see the wisdom in like oh, they're

[25:34] People trying to kill the family maybe and I just met this guy yesterday

[25:39] Yeah, also, you got to imagine she envisioned herself at the altar and she's like am I really potentially gonna marry vanilla?

[25:46] Yeah

[25:48] Mrs. You know, I mean based on all

[25:53] Based on all his outfits his fucking his tuxedo for the wedding is gonna be incredible. Yeah

[25:59] Those tails are gonna be so long. Yeah

[26:03] We're like a bright orange leopard print jacket. Yeah

[26:07] I'm just describing what I wardrobe now

[26:10] What I would not have for the listener at home Stewart has a terrycloth fully terrible. Yeah

[26:17] With a cheap doubles as a towel

[26:19] Okay, so Kathy breaks up with vanilla ice vanilla ice rides off on his motorcycle angrily

[26:26] You know, he sits and stares off into the middle distance

[26:29] He goes hangs out in Roscoe's house in a giant couch

[26:32] Tommy her younger brother shows up with a new haircut that looks nothing like his

[26:38] Sorry, Tommy. I mean he did it himself. He said I did it myself. How's it look and realize it's like

[26:43] As much as a goober as mr. V ice comes across in this movie like he is pretty like sweet with this kid

[26:53] He's the hero

[26:57] Written to you know burnish him a little yeah, it is a radical move for the hero of the movie to be nice to a child

[27:03] I know I just I

[27:06] There's some charm here. There's some

[27:08] It's hard it's hard to be it's hard not to be nice to a kid who so clearly idolizes you I mean, yeah me and my

[27:13] Boys, they don't feel that way about me. But you know

[27:16] But I'm sure I'm sure if they ever met Freddie Freeman, they would feel that way, you know

[27:19] Yeah, you say about them like liking to draw you farting. Let's not get into it

[27:26] They were they were doing chalk drawings in the in the backyard on the pavement and they drew a picture of my wife holding a

[27:31] Guitar and they're like you're a good kid. You're a good kid. You're a good kid

[27:35] And they drew a picture of my wife holding a guitar and they're like you're a rock star mommy and they drew a picture of me

[27:39] sitting on the toilet

[27:42] With with farts coming out

[27:45] It's a different kind of love yeah

[27:48] Yeah, I think there's a deleted scene where the little kid Tommy expressly does not do that

[27:53] Yeah, yeah, I could draw this but I won't

[27:57] So he gives Tommy a motorcycle ride. It would be respectful to mr. Ice. Yeah

[28:02] While they're riding around they see Nick the spurned lover now beaten-up fellow

[28:08] And he sees them which is important because it's another misunderstanding

[28:11] The mobsters after Tommy's dropped clockwork French farce this vanilla ice or French vanilla ice

[28:20] Get the fuck out of here, you're welcome. You're welcome. Whoa

[28:27] You don't deserve that joke what what happened

[28:31] Man zoned out for a moment and Elliot's yelling at the audience. So they love that joke on the East Coast

[28:42] The I go tell that joke in Miami they're gonna love it

[28:47] Or Charleston, so the mobsters break in and get technically the East Coast and

[28:54] Doesn't have to be the Northeast to be an Easter. You're right. I was about to argue

[28:57] If I don't keep if I don't talk about the movie I was just gonna keep naming American

[29:04] In Baltimore, they like that you'd be fair

[29:08] Half of our podcast is just naming things

[29:10] Yeah, okay

[29:11] So the mobsters break in and they kidnap Tommy an important point on the screen tech mobile the video game

[29:19] Early it's a great game. You always play the 49ers earlier. He's playing

[29:23] Is it Mario Brothers 3 I can only tell from it from the music and hearing that music

[29:28] It was it was like and I hate to bring up a French things

[29:31] I know you guys hate for French stuff, but it was like it was like

[29:36] Bruce biting into that meddling just hearing that little bit of Mario Brothers 3 music just took me back

[29:43] Give me the beat boy. I want to get lost in your Mario Brothers 3 soundtrack

[29:49] Okay

[29:51] We need to stop clapping cuz it's only what because jazz's bike is

[30:00] finished it's time for the crew to move on all things must end yeah but but but

[30:05] his friends are very sensitive they're like you gotta you gotta hammer out this

[30:09] problem with Kathy yeah you know yeah you won't be the same so Vanilla Ice

[30:13] goes to say goodbye however he accidentally delivers a ransom tape in

[30:18] the process it happens folks the dumbest he picks up this envelope he has a

[30:25] conversation with the dad of the door and he's like oh by the way this is for

[30:28] you he doesn't say this was on your doorstep he says this is for you okay so

[30:33] at this point everybody but Kathy thinks Vanilla Ice is in on it Nick shows up

[30:38] and he's like yo I saw him driving around with Tommy everybody damning yeah

[30:43] Kathy however is like no I'm gonna give him one more chance he's a good man she

[30:48] good she goes over to Roscoe's house she confronts Vanilla Ice and in the process

[30:54] plays him the ransom tape which is an audio tape which is great because that's

[30:58] Vanilla Ice's natural me that's what it is yeah he's a musician he's got those

[31:03] musicians ears yeah yeah and in the process of listening to the tape he

[31:07] hears somewhere in the distance the sound of that construction site that

[31:12] they horsed around at the rhythmic pounding of that horrible heart okay so

[31:22] they using that knowledge they go to the construction site they bust into the

[31:28] hideout of the bad guys they beat the shit out of them very easily easily they

[31:32] save Tommy they show back up at Roscoe's driving the mobsters car with the

[31:37] mobsters tied to the hood now is it more unbelievable that Vanilla Ice is a

[31:42] one-man Army Corps or that Vanilla Ice is in any situation without people being

[31:47] like what are you so the monsters are tied up leave that up to the listeners

[31:53] yeah Dan and Stuart have no answers no I'm the end is in sight yeah we're so

[31:58] close so close we're almost done with the ice Michael Gross walks up he's like

[32:03] I'm so sorry I don't like your methods take take my daughter right now yeah

[32:10] well it is funny how like the cops are there cuz you know they've been called

[32:15] because of the kidnapping they drive up with the thing and then like immediately

[32:17] Michael was like oh I'm sorry and he's like don't stay out too late if you guys

[32:22] are gonna do it you got to do it normal not weird style is no I'm gonna take

[32:28] anyone's you know statements about the crime that was committed it's more like

[32:32] you're like yeah yeah yeah go out and do my daughter yeah that's that's the

[32:37] only plot they don't take any statements folks okay so Kathy and Johnny you know

[32:44] they make up they're like you know what in this crazy world we're just two young

[32:48] lovers Nick shows up and he's like oh what are you guys doing or why are you

[32:53] breaking up with me of course they make fun of him they ramp off the hood of his

[32:56] car this is the last you'll see of me and my car proving again he identifies

[33:05] mostly with his car he's a car person versus vanilla ice yeah there's a bike

[33:10] two-wheeled is deviant two-wheeled ways he's not a horse person he's good four

[33:15] wheels bad mm-hmm and then as these car farm taught us yeah probably George

[33:20] Carwell yeah let's finish it Joey as the George Carwell sounds like George

[33:27] Orwell and George Carlin put together these are seven words big brother will

[33:32] not allow us to say on the business screen

[33:36] thank you for bringing it home Elliot so story cool as ice as the slow-motion

[33:48] motorcycle touches down we cut to the get with it video club performance

[33:55] where vanilla ice plays an entire song again yeah he shows off his dance moves

[34:01] it's incredible and notably Kathy is there dancing with him forever yeah I

[34:07] guess that is the end that is cool as ice what a movie

[34:15] there's there's one thing Stewart you did an impeccable job that was a

[34:21] fantastic summarizing job there's one thing I just want to call attention to

[34:23] which is what earlier Kathy has given ice a ring and he and when she's like I

[34:28] can't see you he sneaks back to her room and drops the ring into her fishbowl

[34:32] and when she comes back home the first thing she does is check that fishbowl as

[34:35] if she expects there to be mail in it message yeah she checks it like I check

[34:42] my Instagram yeah do this these fish poop this ring oh wow my fish made me a

[34:50] ring I guess I'll marry my fish these are magic fish if I cut them open there

[34:57] must be many rings inside no no so of course of course this is the part where

[35:04] we make our final judgments about cool as ice what are those fucking categories

[35:09] Wow okay aggro stew there is this a fucking good bad movie a fucking bad

[35:17] movie like it when you do it or goddamn movie you kind of like this is to me

[35:23] this is a this is a primo good bad movie a lot of like I would make the argument

[35:29] that the best bad movies are not totally bad they have qualities that are actively

[35:37] enjoyable and they're just juxtaposed with really weird yeah they're being

[35:42] used at cross-purposes and I would like to further a theory that I have this is

[35:48] Dan's movie theater theory I don't have a better people's last names we call it

[35:54] dance the McCoy theory of yes my name is my name is Fermat Jones this is my last

[36:02] theorem there are certain bad movies that are indistinguishable from a great

[36:09] comedy with the same premise because this movie yeah is essentially like a

[36:14] vanilla Isis movie is essentially Zoolander and that he's like a narcissist

[36:20] swanning about making smirky looks thinking he's like the coolest fucking

[36:25] thing this is crazy and everyone in the movies like what is going on with this

[36:29] dude buddy but you know he wears them down with his innate goofy goodness it's

[36:35] like if Zooland if the point of Zoolander was that Zoolander is the

[36:38] coolest man in the world yeah yeah anyway it's a lot of fun I I think it's

[36:43] good bad yeah I'm gonna say I'm gonna say there's a movie I kind of like I

[36:50] will say the ice man coming put it on the criterion re-release what if that's

[37:00] it again what if it what if that was what the play was about well we're all

[37:04] here at the bar talking about our wasted dreams and wasted lives then vanilla ice

[37:08] walks in goes what up everyone get with the hero yep yep yep yep no I mean it's

[37:15] so much fun I think it's it's very stylish like the ice man himself I mean

[37:22] it's so silly and I mean it has this like there's a definite charm to the

[37:28] movie it's great thumbs up I I am right in the middle in that objectively it's a

[37:37] good bad movie subjectively I do kind of like it because yeah it is it's at many

[37:44] points in the movie I am NOT laughing at it I am delighting in it and at a

[37:48] certain point I was like if David Lynch made this movie it wouldn't be any

[37:52] different be any different and was forced to cast vanilla ice same movie

[37:56] same movie and it's a it's 90 minutes long Oh beautiful the perfect length for

[38:02] anything well not for you know like a like a like strangling that would be too

[38:06] long you know you know 90 minutes is too long for that you know thank you for

[38:10] clarifying because I was gonna use a loophole yeah a loophole of strangling

[38:17] wire nobody but 90 minutes is such a perfect length for movie here it's just

[38:21] like there's certain times when you're like they're not making the movie they

[38:24] think they're making they're making a better movie and they think they're

[38:26] making yeah so I guess that's the verdict for all time we did it yeah we

[38:33] did it give that movie all the Oscars

[38:41] I'm Emily Fleming and I'm Jordan Morris we're real comedy writers and real

[38:46] friends and real fucking cheapskates we say why subscribe to expensive streaming

[38:52] services when you could stream tons of insane movies online for free as long as

[38:58] you're fine with 25 randomly inserted super loud car insurance commercials on

[39:03] our new podcast free with ads we review streaming movies from the darkest corner

[39:08] of the Internet's bargain bin from the good to the weird to the holy shit look

[39:13] at Jean-Claude Van Damme's big old butt free with ads a free podcast about free

[39:17] movies that's worth the price of admission every Tuesday on maximum fun

[39:21] org or your favorite pod spot hello everyone out there thank you for coming

[39:28] to our service yes we are ready to heal you we are Ross and Carrie we are faith

[39:37] healers yes yes sir you have a spirit of not listening to enough podcasts we have

[39:44] the solution for that we can cure you you should listen to Oh No Ross and

[39:48] Carrie hallelujah it's on maximum fun I couldn't have said it better myself yes

[39:53] ma'am yes you there Gladys a spirit of boredom oh my goodness we have the

[39:58] solution for you

[40:00] It is to listen to the podcast, Oh No, Ross and Gary.

[40:10] The Flop House is sponsored in part by Babbel,

[40:13] the best way to learn a language, immersion.

[40:16] Living where the language is spoken and using it every day.

[40:19] But if that's not in the cards this year,

[40:21] you can still learn a language the second best way,

[40:24] and that is with Babbel.

[40:26] Babbel's quick 10-minute lessons are handcrafted

[40:30] by over 200 language experts, even.

[40:36] I'll say it that way.

[40:37] Not egg-sperts.

[40:38] Not egg-sperts.

[40:39] Not egg-sperts, yeah.

[40:40] No, I mean, egg-sperts are useful for omelet,

[40:46] advisories, and other things.

[40:49] But for Babbel, experts are probably the thing you want

[40:53] to help you to start speaking a new language

[40:56] in as little as three weeks.

[40:57] Babbel is designed by real people for real conversations

[41:01] with tips and tools that are approachable, accessible,

[41:05] rooted in real-life situations,

[41:07] and delivered with conversation-based teaching

[41:10] so you're ready to practice what you've learned

[41:13] in the real world.

[41:14] And you know what?

[41:16] Look, I did normal language stuff

[41:20] all through high school and college,

[41:25] and it flew out of my head the moment I stopped using it.

[41:30] Whereas, if you use Babbel, it's the sort of thing

[41:33] that just reinforces the language.

[41:37] It helps you learn it.

[41:39] It helps you retain it.

[41:40] It helps you use it in a way that you would use it

[41:44] in real life.

[41:46] It is a wonderful service that has over 16 million

[41:50] subscriptions sold.

[41:52] Plus, all of Babbel's 14 award-winning language courses

[41:55] are backed by their 20-day money-back guarantee.

[41:59] Here's a special limited-time deal for our listeners.

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[42:06] for a lifetime Babbel subscription,

[42:09] but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash

[42:16] flop.

[42:17] We also have some Flophouse stuff from the Flophouse

[42:20] that we want to tell you about.

[42:21] I mentioned at the top of the show

[42:23] that we have some live shows coming up March 31st.

[42:26] We're gonna be in Brooklyn at the Bell House.

[42:28] It's an Easter Flophouse special.

[42:30] That's right, we're gonna be at the Bell House

[42:32] for a show at 7.30 p.m.,

[42:34] and we're gonna be talking about The Garbage Pail Kids.

[42:41] The movie equivalent of The Garbage Pail Kids.

[42:45] I don't know how else to say it.

[42:48] It's a magical time.

[42:50] Yeah, yeah.

[42:50] For all.

[42:51] So that's March 31st at the Bell House in Brooklyn.

[42:54] You're gonna love it.

[42:54] And then, a little less than two months later,

[42:57] on May 24th in Oxford, England,

[43:00] we're gonna be doing two shows and one night

[43:01] as part of the St. Audio Podcast Festival

[43:03] at 7 p.m. Greenwich Mean Time, I guess.

[43:07] We're gonna be doing The Avengers,

[43:08] not the Marvel The Avengers,

[43:10] but the Hollywood remake of the British television show,

[43:13] The Avengers.

[43:14] At 9 p.m., we're gonna do Spice World.

[43:16] That's right, Spice World.

[43:18] As of yet, the only Spice Girls movie,

[43:20] but I'm holding out hope.

[43:21] So that's March 31st in Brooklyn

[43:23] and May 24th in Oxford, England.

[43:25] Plenty of time for you to get between those two locations

[43:27] and see all those shows.

[43:29] For tickets and more information,

[43:31] go to flophousepodcast.com slash events.

[43:36] Also, I just wanna mention that the Max Fun Drive

[43:39] is gonna come up real soon.

[43:42] Just a little preview of the sort of bonus content

[43:45] we have in store for this year.

[43:48] The Spawn LA Live Show is gonna be

[43:53] our sort of day one Flophouse bonus content,

[43:57] but also we're planning on doing a series,

[44:00] a sort of, you know, we're gonna explore a filmography,

[44:04] a sort of a blech check, if you will, of Braden Clark.

[44:10] We're gonna talk about joysticks.

[44:11] We're gonna talk about the Forbidden Dance.

[44:14] Something from later in his filmography,

[44:17] probably it's gonna be a whole series,

[44:21] not his full filmography,

[44:22] but we're gonna do three movies

[44:24] of a man who is known for some dreck.

[44:27] It's gonna be a lot of fun.

[44:29] Probably Stewart is gonna do some role-playing game stuff,

[44:35] some more flop tales.

[44:37] I can't commit to that for him,

[44:39] but he's been talking about it.

[44:41] So I think that this year there's gonna be a lot

[44:44] of extra Flophouse bonus content on the MaxFun feed.

[44:49] So just be prepared for that.

[44:51] I hope that you will consider becoming a member

[44:54] of the network, but we're gonna head back,

[45:00] unless Ellie, do you have anything

[45:01] before we move back into the show proper?

[45:05] I have one thing I wanted to mention.

[45:06] I mean, yes, I should mention my series Hercules

[45:09] from Dynamite Comics is coming out in April,

[45:11] and yes, that I'm doing another podcast,

[45:12] the 99% Invisible Breakdown,

[45:14] The Power Broker with Roman Mars

[45:15] in the 99% Invisible main feed.

[45:17] It's an amazing podcast series, if I do say so myself,

[45:20] at about a really amazing book, The Power Broker.

[45:23] But I also wanted to mention that a very good friend of mine,

[45:25] a former NYU classmate and still current friend,

[45:27] Sasha Kenton is crowdfunding her original television

[45:30] pilot script to produce it as a short.

[45:32] I would love to drum up some support for her.

[45:34] It's called I Meow Back,

[45:36] and this is the description she has written for me.

[45:38] The pilot, I Meow Back, written by Sasha Kenton,

[45:40] follows Zip, a teen girl, as she returns to high school

[45:43] after becoming disabled.

[45:44] Now she redefines her relationship

[45:45] with her former best friend.

[45:47] Will they fight or will they find their way to becoming

[45:49] dot, dot, dot, something more, a question mark.

[45:51] With the onset of the COVID epidemic,

[45:52] disabled people now make up 20% of the population.

[45:55] There's a built-in audience ready to see

[45:56] positive representation on TV,

[45:58] and this pilot was a semifinalist

[46:00] in a few different festivals,

[46:02] and she's trying to raise, not a large amount of money,

[46:05] she's trying to raise $4,000 as her goal.

[46:07] As I'm recording this, she's about 25% of the way there,

[46:10] so if you're interested in supporting

[46:11] a very talented, independent voice in media

[46:13] from an underserved community,

[46:15] someone who deserves a chance

[46:17] to get their material out there,

[46:19] please do my friend a favor and do me a favor.

[46:21] Go to IMeowBackFilm.com, that's the letter I,

[46:26] like in the word I, like myself.

[46:28] I meow, like a cow says.

[46:30] I meow like a cat says.

[46:32] Cows don't say meow, they say moo.

[46:33] IMeowBackFilm.com.

[46:36] And please, support her if you will.

[46:39] That'd be great.

[46:39] I mean, save some money for the next OneDrive,

[46:42] but see if you can help her out.

[46:43] Okay, so what do we do next on this podcast, Dan?

[46:46] Well, now we are free from the prison of this table,

[46:49] stand up.

[46:50] We did it.

[46:51] What, we've got legs.

[46:52] The curse has been broken.

[46:54] I can dance again.

[46:56] I'm not going to, but I could.

[46:58] If people have questions to ask,

[47:02] I think there will be a microphone that will appear.

[47:05] As if by magic, there it is.

[47:06] Right there.

[47:07] It's like the movie, There Will Be Blood,

[47:09] if it was a microphone instead of blood.

[47:11] It's like the movie, Magic,

[47:13] if it was a microphone instead of a, what, a killer dummy?

[47:15] If there was any magic in that movie.

[47:18] I think I might've talked about this on the podcast before.

[47:20] I heard a rumor once that the movie, Magic,

[47:22] instead of starring Anthony Hopkins,

[47:23] was originally supposed to star Gene Wilder,

[47:25] thousand times better movie.

[47:27] Yeah, agreed.

[47:29] So what are we going to do about it?

[47:31] Go back in time?

[47:32] Let's go back in time and make that happen.

[47:34] Gotta go back in time.

[47:35] Okay.

[47:37] First question.

[47:38] Please, approach the microphone.

[47:41] I don't know.

[47:42] I'll stand in front of the table.

[47:43] Recently, I watched the movie, Chameleon Street.

[47:46] Great movie.

[47:46] Yeah, and immediately, I wanted everybody to see this thing

[47:50] that it seems like nobody had ever seen.

[47:51] What's the last thing in the year,

[47:53] last year or two, that you saw that was like,

[47:55] this is the thing, nobody's seen it,

[47:57] I want everybody to see it.

[47:59] Hmm.

[48:00] Uh, I will, I don't know about everybody seeing it.

[48:05] I don't know whether this is on an episode

[48:07] that just came out or it hasn't come out yet,

[48:09] but I recently saw this movie, Dr. Caligari, which uh.

[48:14] Not the cabin of Dr. Caligari.

[48:15] No, it's from.

[48:17] Don't let him fool you.

[48:18] It's from, this one is from the early 80s.

[48:20] It is from the director of Cafe Flesh,

[48:23] the cult pornographic film.

[48:26] You be in there.

[48:28] And it feels like if, you know,

[48:31] like an underground art troupe had the set designer

[48:37] for Pee-wee's Playhouse and made a semi-erotic,

[48:42] semi-just weird remake of The Cabin of Dr. Caligari,

[48:46] it's interesting.

[48:48] I mean, I don't, like again, not for everyone,

[48:51] but I'm saying.

[48:53] Take your children too, Dr. Caligari,

[48:55] and Sam McCoy.

[48:56] Don't.

[48:57] I feel like the last time I saw a movie that I was like,

[49:00] wow, how come more people haven't seen it,

[49:02] was like Butcher Baker Nightmare Maker.

[49:04] Have you ever seen that one?

[49:06] I hear about it.

[49:07] It's a solid old slasher.

[49:08] It's, you know, it's gross, it's weird,

[49:10] but it's pretty cool.

[49:12] Okay.

[49:13] Thumbs up, bring the kids.

[49:16] I think it's two movies that I've recommended

[49:17] on the podcast before.

[49:18] There's a Brazilian movie called Property

[49:21] that I don't know when it's coming out,

[49:22] but I got to see it and it's a really cool,

[49:24] really, really good thriller with a social edge to it.

[49:28] But also, there's a little Czech New Wave movie.

[49:31] God damn it.

[49:32] It's called Larks on a String.

[49:34] It's directed by Yuri Menzel,

[49:35] who made Closely Watched Trains, and it's beautiful.

[49:37] It's just a, I found it to be such a moving experience

[49:40] to watch it as a movie.

[49:41] And then I guess I watched some dumb thing for this podcast

[49:44] and it erased that movie from my mind for a while.

[49:48] Thank you.

[49:49] Thank you.

[49:50] Thank you.

[49:51] Thank you.

[49:51] Hello.

[49:52] Hey, thanks.

[49:54] My name's Rob, first time, first time.

[49:56] And my question is,

[50:00] Let's say some madman was making a Flophouse-themed Street Fighter 2 knock-off.

[50:05] Which repeating bit would you include in the game, and what character would they rip off?

[50:16] Yeah, somebody's dick's gonna have to get ripped off.

[50:23] Feels like a lay-up for me.

[50:26] Which Street Fighter character sings for a long time?

[50:30] Honka?

[50:32] Kinda.

[50:34] I don't know, there's a character named Dan that's a bit of a joke in the Street Fighter series.

[50:39] What?

[50:41] This is the first you're hearing of this? He's got a ponytail!

[50:45] Have you ever had a ponytail?

[50:47] I've never had a ponytail.

[50:49] We gotta change that.

[50:50] Yeah, that does have to change, yeah.

[50:53] Okay, go ahead and get one.

[50:55] Extensions, anybody?

[50:57] This morning, he shows up in our rooms, wakes us up, and he's cut off a ponytail.

[51:01] No, Dan, no!

[51:03] This is what you wanted, right?

[51:05] No!

[51:07] What have we done?

[51:10] Did we answer the question?

[51:11] Yeah, I think so.

[51:12] Well enough.

[51:14] Yes, that's fine.

[51:15] Okay, thank you.

[51:16] Approval.

[51:18] Thank you so much for recommending Bratz.

[51:22] You're welcome.

[51:23] Not a sentence I hear a lot.

[51:25] Thanks to you, my wife and I have enjoyed Bratz and Cats and that weird one with the...

[51:30] Bratz and Cats.

[51:31] The teacher...

[51:32] Anyway, in terms of your, like, Mount Rushmore of movies you've seen and then just watched a bunch,

[51:37] at some point Dan said, I think Bratz is the movie I've seen the most.

[51:41] Is there one that's on the top right now of sort of, oh, this movie, in the style of Bratz?

[51:48] You mean like a movie we've...

[51:50] Like a...

[51:51] Like a good movie or a...

[51:52] Like a bad movie that we've seen the most.

[51:54] A movie that we're exposed to through the podcast that's now transcended.

[51:57] Oh.

[51:58] I mean, yeah, like, Bratz and Cats have to be close to their time.

[52:02] Yeah, they're on there.

[52:03] Bratz and Cats.

[52:04] Oh, what a crossover that would be.

[52:06] Bratz and Cats, there's...

[52:08] Double F, Fable Findings, stuff on there, yeah.

[52:10] We're actually, Dan and I are about to host a movie that we...

[52:13] Oh, yeah.

[52:14] We're about to do a hostess screening in Brooklyn of a movie called Don't Tell Her It's Me starring Steve Guttenberg.

[52:20] I love it.

[52:21] You may know it as The Boyfriend School.

[52:22] You could know it as that, and, yeah, I just love it so much.

[52:26] Steve Guttenberg, of course, plays a man playing Lobo Morunga, a New Zealand biker, who has a romance novel.

[52:33] He really glossed over it.

[52:34] Steve Guttenberg plays a man playing Lobo Morunga, as we all know.

[52:38] As if Lobo Morunga's a famous character.

[52:40] It's great.

[52:42] I love it.

[52:43] He is a sickly cartoonist who his sister, Shelley Long, creates a New Zealand heartthrob character for him.

[52:50] I thought that was all implied by what I said.

[52:52] Sure.

[52:53] You know what?

[52:54] It was perfect the first time.

[52:55] I'm sorry.

[52:56] When he first appears on screen, he looks like he has been made up for a test audition for a Ziggy movie.

[53:02] Yeah, thumbs up.

[53:03] It's a great movie.

[53:04] Yeah, check it out, I guess.

[53:06] Check it out.

[53:07] Visit your local library.

[53:11] Don't take our word for it.

[53:14] Hey, how's it going?

[53:15] Hello.

[53:16] Hey.

[53:17] One of the most prominent features of Cool as Ice is Vanilla Ice's jacket.

[53:22] Which, in addition to saying down by law, also has the words deep, danger, lust, and yeah.

[53:33] Which is also a line of dialogue that happens and then it shows the word on his jacket.

[53:37] So, my question to you, for each of you.

[53:39] I just want to interrupt.

[53:40] It looked like you had the jacket up.

[53:42] What's the price tag on that bad boy?

[53:44] I got you.

[53:45] I got you.

[53:46] There's some numbers on it too.

[53:47] There's a lot of stuff on that jacket.

[53:49] Yeah, there's a lot written on it.

[53:50] $169.

[53:51] Whoa.

[53:52] Nice.

[53:53] Hey, alright.

[53:54] Wait, that's actually.

[53:55] Fair.

[53:56] That's fair.

[53:57] Yeah, that's not bad.

[53:58] That's not bad at all.

[53:59] Not bad.

[54:00] That was back when text was king.

[54:01] Get this economy.

[54:02] Yeah.

[54:03] So, my question to you is if each of you had your own leather jacket with words that are important to you and your personality.

[54:10] Yeah, sure.

[54:11] What would the words on that jacket be?

[54:12] Yeah.

[54:13] Oh, okay.

[54:14] You're taking a lot of words.

[54:15] Yeah, a lot of words.

[54:16] A lot of words.

[54:17] Sigh.

[54:18] Look.

[54:19] Lots of words.

[54:20] Here's the thing.

[54:21] Butts.

[54:22] Butts.

[54:23] Butts, yeah.

[54:24] Yours would say butts, but on the sleeve.

[54:25] This is a lot of butts.

[54:26] Yeah.

[54:27] I mean, like, ding dong.

[54:28] This is a sad exercise in reducing our lives into a series of dumb catchphrases.

[54:42] Uh-oh, rah-rah.

[54:45] Rah-rah, yeah.

[54:46] I'm a bad widdle boy.

[54:47] Bad widdle boy, yeah.

[54:48] I'm a bad widdle boy.

[54:49] Yeah, these are...

[54:50] Oh, man.

[54:51] Yeah, mine would probably have...

[54:52] That's my fucking tombstone right there.

[54:54] Maybe on the back, the whole passage from Hitchhiker's Guide about the whale falling down.

[54:59] That's what I have, yeah.

[55:03] Nice.

[55:04] Yeah.

[55:05] Thank you.

[55:06] That's a good question.

[55:07] Thank you.

[55:08] Oh, and on the sleeve, mine would say Deinonychus.

[55:13] Greatest of dinosaurs.

[55:15] Yeah, that's your favorite dinosaur?

[55:17] Of course it is.

[55:18] Wait.

[55:19] It's the single greatest dinosaur.

[55:20] Of course it is.

[55:21] Name a better dinosaur.

[55:22] You can't.

[55:23] I like that.

[55:24] You're right.

[55:25] Me, a person who doesn't really know a lot about dinosaurs, cannot name a better dinosaur.

[55:28] You don't know a lot about dinosaurs.

[55:30] You know who you share that with?

[55:32] My children, who have no interest in dinosaurs.

[55:35] Hey, let's be...

[55:36] The youth of today.

[55:37] I go to the Natural History Museum in LA.

[55:38] I go, can we go to the section that's basically the bones of real life dragons?

[55:42] And they go, no thank you.

[55:43] They're like, oh wait, there's...

[55:44] Hey daddy, there's a garbage truck outside.

[55:46] Can we look at it?

[55:47] Oh.

[55:49] Now it's even worse.

[55:50] My older son is like, hey daddy, can I just sit and watch football on TV?

[55:53] And I'm like, what happened?

[55:56] What genetic mutation caused this?

[56:00] You want to see the original football players?

[56:02] The ankylosaurus had a helmet.

[56:06] You know, that football helmet looks a lot like a pachycephalosaurus skull.

[56:10] Let's go down to the museum.

[56:12] That's what I should do.

[56:13] Thank you, Stu.

[56:14] Let me tell you about the original football player.

[56:17] Jesus.

[56:22] That would be a hard left turn for you to take.

[56:24] I have to say.

[56:25] That would surprise them.

[56:28] Knowing my stance on God.

[56:30] It would surprise my children.

[56:32] In that particular form.

[56:34] Anyway, pardon me.

[56:36] Sorry.

[56:39] Take your time.

[56:43] You okay?

[56:44] I think I'm good.

[56:45] Okay.

[56:46] Hi.

[56:47] Hello.

[56:48] Hello.

[56:49] Hi.

[56:50] Emily, last name withheld.

[56:51] So, Elliot, you actually mentioned at the beginning of the show how...

[56:55] I don't even remember a thing I said.

[56:57] No, no, she's going to recap it for you.

[56:59] It's a recap.

[57:00] Don't worry.

[57:01] Just like the podcast.

[57:04] You mentioned how Cool as Ice is incredibly similar to True Stories.

[57:10] And I was actually going to work that into my question originally.

[57:15] Great minds.

[57:16] I was surprised.

[57:18] I watched them as like a double feature like a couple weeks ago.

[57:22] You said, I want to see two movies.

[57:24] The only movies made by two musical geniuses.

[57:27] Equal in every way.

[57:31] So, like, the funny thing is, like, movie Madness, the local movie rental place.

[57:37] Some genius there must have placed Cool as Ice right next to True Stories.

[57:47] And my partner was like, oh, let's pick these up.

[57:51] You are so lucky Deuce Bigalow was not sitting next to either of those.

[57:55] I was so lucky for that one.

[57:57] Yeah.

[57:58] Otherwise, completely different night.

[58:00] Yes.

[58:01] So after watching that, I was like, these are the same movie.

[58:06] This is the same movie.

[58:08] So my question is, if you were to pick a genuinely good movie on like artistic merits that you think is this is just bottom line.

[58:22] World class kind of movie.

[58:24] Okay.

[58:25] And then a flop house movie that you think is just plot wise or shot direction.

[58:31] The exact same thing.

[58:33] What a great question.

[58:34] What would it be?

[58:35] Oh, what a great question.

[58:37] This is the sort of brilliant question.

[58:39] I'm going to go.

[58:40] I'm going to I'm going to cheat like crazy.

[58:42] I'm going to say Seven Samurai and Rebel Blood Moon.

[58:46] Team of Space Heroes or whatever.

[58:49] That's cheating.

[58:51] That's cheating.

[58:54] I already forgot most of the title.

[58:58] I already forgotten most of the movies we've covered.

[59:01] It's like a protection that my brain does.

[59:04] Yeah.

[59:05] So if like I like a kind of like a team forming type thing.

[59:10] So I'm going to do Rebel and a genuinely great movie.

[59:18] Let's see.

[59:19] Now you see me too.

[59:21] Oh, the second one.

[59:24] Flop house movies.

[59:30] What are.

[59:35] Oh, the flop house is a comedy podcast about films of floppy.

[59:38] They're commercial.

[59:39] Dan, scroll down, scroll down.

[59:42] First swipe left.

[59:43] I don't know how the Internet works.

[59:44] List of movies.

[59:45] The flop house wiki.

[59:46] Here we go.

[59:48] Sure.

[59:49] Hallie Haglund.

[59:52] Everything.

[59:53] Elliot Cailin feet.

[59:56] Good.

[59:57] Yeah, I'm going to say Rebel Moon.

[1:00:00] I'm so sorry. I feel like this is a good question, but I don't that's a good question

[1:00:05] I want you to write us in that question so we can answer it so we can think about time to think about it

[1:00:09] Please promise us. That's a great question

[1:00:14] You stumped the flopper

[1:00:18] They said it couldn't be done. Hi. My name is Jemmy last name withheld me. I do not work for the Hollywood theater

[1:00:26] So

[1:00:29] Every time I try to explain the flophouse to someone I invariably end up going on

[1:00:34] You know taking a time to talk about Donald Rumsfeld and for all right

[1:00:41] Not the way. I thought that sentence was gonna end make sense. I'm in the top 15 or 20 guesses

[1:00:48] Well, he famously did that like sort of type 5 on knowledge theory about the like no

[1:00:53] No, no, no none known things, you know, you know, and yeah, and no none known saying you know, you don't know

[1:00:59] Yeah, and unknown unknown things. You don't know you don't know and it which is even to discuss is just sort of paranoia, right?

[1:01:06] But he totally ignores

[1:01:08] Unknown knowns, which is things, you know, but you don't know, you know them, right?

[1:01:13] Which if anything which if anything is like our our biases and preconceptions. Yeah assumptions

[1:01:18] He leaves those completely unanalyzed which I think is telling about some drums. Yeah, very much so, right

[1:01:29] Okay, so what we should explain I apologize

[1:01:31] It's been an in joke for me and Stewart all through the tour so far

[1:01:35] The moment in that one episode of The Sopranos where the guy gets his head gets over my car and another guy throws up seeing

[1:01:40] it

[1:01:42] So we're just routinely pretending to throw up every

[1:01:45] I just love the one guy walks up and he's like, oh shit

[1:01:50] the vertigo induced by the question

[1:01:53] Too much. Okay, but I think I think I almost understand

[1:01:56] yeah, so so the I feel like the Flophouse has a

[1:02:00] Similar problem sort of a missing part of the sort of Punnett square of movies, right?

[1:02:04] Where you talk about the bad bad movie the good bad movie

[1:02:07] But then you just cut the entire half into movies. You kind of like instead of good good movies and bad good movies

[1:02:15] Yeah, bad good like bad movies. You like

[1:02:19] Movie well, I don't know what you're talking. Well, that's the question

[1:02:22] You're gonna have to explain it. I thought I had it

[1:02:24] but so the way the way I

[1:02:26] Was like when you have a plastic bag and it won't open up and you're like

[1:02:29] With the top and you think you've opened it, but you didn't yeah, I rub it long enough

[1:02:33] So you gotta lick your fingers you lick your fingers, right? Yeah

[1:02:36] You lick your fingers

[1:02:39] You monster oh, I'm in a store it's clean, right?

[1:02:46] So a good bad movie and a bad bad movie

[1:02:49] They're both bad movies and usually because they're made in like an incompetent way. Yeah, and then the good and bad is really

[1:02:57] Movie so a good bad movie or so a good good movie

[1:03:01] Obviously is a well-made movie that you enjoyed and a bad good movie would be a well-made

[1:03:06] Competent film that's just not any good. Yeah, so what like Babylon Dan you son of a bitch

[1:03:15] Elliot paid him to come up

[1:03:18] No, I you know, I like I

[1:03:24] This has come up before I think people have mentioned this I I don't know if I believe in it

[1:03:30] I mean like what to me

[1:03:32] This is like maybe

[1:03:34] Oscar bait movies like movies, which is like this is

[1:03:39] Competently made handsomely mounted. It is not doing anything interesting

[1:03:44] Yes, or or son or that it for whatever reason those things don't gel they don't get an emotion

[1:03:50] But to me, that's a bad movie. That's that's that's the thing

[1:03:54] That's that's that's that's the extra leap that my brain makes from like I reject this category

[1:03:59] Ah

[1:04:00] Interesting. What do you think? I've said my piece

[1:04:05] Now I force you to say something. I think I'm pretty clear that I don't like Babylon

[1:04:11] Well

[1:04:12] But I don't like joy at the same time at the same time everyone who's everyone with the exception of a few

[1:04:18] People making decisions about what's in the movie is doing good work, I guess. Yeah

[1:04:23] Stewart. Oh

[1:04:24] Sorry, I was just thinking about the recent rankings of the Warhammer tournament

[1:04:29] But I think I I think that's an interesting point in that that to uh to subdivide bad in that way

[1:04:35] Maybe is artificial, but I think it's fun

[1:04:39] Yeah, thank you

[1:04:45] Dan there's playing movies. I like that. You probably don't like I mean, it's just that city's a sigmar list that got second place

[1:04:52] Five steam tanks in it. Like what the fuck?

[1:04:55] I hope your questions about Warhammer. We got to get you out of this

[1:05:02] W-hole

[1:05:07] So in in my house like relatively recently we were having a like a series of

[1:05:13] unfortunate events

[1:05:15] We're having a series of argument discussions about

[1:05:20] About cliffhanger endings and how come some of John Lethgow dies in that

[1:05:30] No, no, it's endings does just like clue there were three endings to cliffhanger

[1:05:35] And how come some of them feel so satisfying and like anticipatory and then other times they just fall flat and like end up being

[1:05:42] Kind of disappointing and we were having trouble pinpointing like what's the line there?

[1:05:47] So my question to you is what do you look for in a really successful cliffhanger versus what makes it feel just really unsatisfying

[1:05:53] I think when it comes to

[1:05:56] It's a cliffhanger endings, especially but endings in general

[1:05:58] What makes an ending work is not necessarily what's in the ending

[1:06:02] but what leads up to that and like a like an ending to a movie to me is like a joke where

[1:06:05] The punchline doesn't work if the setup doesn't work like you need the setup needs to give you everything you need for the punchline

[1:06:10] There's a lot of movies that were the cliffhanger ending is more of a like didn't see this coming and it's like you're right

[1:06:15] I didn't see that coming because

[1:06:17] Didn't set it up, right like this. You wanted an ending to this scene, huh?

[1:06:22] Yeah, or like there's a one of John Sayles is kind of lesser movies

[1:06:26] Is this movie called limbo where this there's this mother and daughter and this guy and they're trapped somewhere and they blah blah blah

[1:06:34] but like they're the important thing is their personal dynamic and whether they're gonna be able to figure out how to work together and get

[1:06:39] Along and essentially become a family unit and a plane is coming and they don't know if it is the people who are coming to

[1:06:45] kill them or the people who come to rescue them and the movie ends before the plane gets there and I remember seeing it and

[1:06:49] Being like and I'm seeing with someone and they were like what I was like, it doesn't matter

[1:06:53] The point of the story was their relationship in the fucking title, dude

[1:06:58] We're like the cutting-edge for instance where?

[1:07:02] At the end spoiler, you don't know if they won that competition. It doesn't matter

[1:07:05] It's about whether they came together as a team

[1:07:07] So like those those work for me, but there are times when the cliffhanger is more

[1:07:11] There's other times where it's like setting you up for the sequel, which we're not making. I'm so sorry

[1:07:16] You're not gonna find out why peach needed Mario Luigi to come back at the end of the old Mario Brothers

[1:07:21] I think I made a similar like a statement on a recent episode where if it's a emotionally satisfying

[1:07:28] Arc if the characters have reached some sort of conclusion. Yes, and then there's a plot cliffhanger

[1:07:34] That's good. If it just seems like it was like well, I don't know

[1:07:38] We ran out of film somehow, even though this wasn't shot in sequence

[1:07:43] Like the ending of the Tim Burton plan of the apes where they were like, this is gonna really blow some minds

[1:07:51] Ape Lincoln, I guess that sounds like

[1:07:57] I

[1:07:58] Like it when it's like you find out the guest

[1:08:01] He's been a bad guy the whole time and you think he's dead

[1:08:04] But he comes back and you're like, oh wow, the guests still there and Rose like what the fuck

[1:08:11] So he's the steward approves of any cliffhanger ending that is the guest

[1:08:16] Can't argue with that. Thank you so much. We hope that was helpful

[1:08:21] We're settling arguments tonight

[1:08:25] Evening peaches. Hey, hello

[1:08:27] It's Chris last name withheld for us longtime listeners of the podcast. You guys been going for over a decade now

[1:08:33] Congratulations to that. Oh, thank you

[1:08:38] Yes, we are quite old thank you

[1:08:41] Now as real people we get to see you grow and have this kind of parasocial relationship with you folks

[1:08:47] Like author beefcake dance happy now

[1:08:56] Harsh

[1:09:03] So

[1:09:06] Unlike real people characters don't really grow in the same ways through the decades

[1:09:10] so what's a character that you've kind of engaged with throughout your life that has changed to become either better or

[1:09:19] worse as the

[1:09:21] interpretations went on

[1:09:24] And you can do Sherlock Holmes, it's fun. Well, you know what? No, it's interesting

[1:09:28] like that was the first like the first thing that came to mind was like a

[1:09:31] Sherlock Holmes, but like a derivative of like

[1:09:35] the TV show house was a wonderful show for a few seasons and

[1:09:41] The problem with it was he's a man not a house

[1:09:45] Yeah, I'm like, this is fucking

[1:09:49] When is he gonna turn into a house hear the name and you're like how'd I house get a medical degree?

[1:09:56] Requirements of that type of show they're like, uh, you know what?

[1:10:00] We're gonna pretend like there's gonna be character growth, but there's not and welcome to television, Dan

[1:10:06] Which is what like, you know, I would have loved that show if it was like five seasons

[1:10:10] It's like you know what by the end of the season this show

[1:10:13] maybe he's not gonna be a great guy, but there's going to be some growth and I

[1:10:19] Don't know. I like I haven't read a lot of the later Sherlock Holmes stories because they get weird people like

[1:10:25] He's like looking he's trying to find some vampires maybe like something that could be event. It's not really, you know, anyway, he gets

[1:10:32] The one didn't Alan Moore write one. He's having sex with Dorothy from Oz or something. That makes sense. I

[1:10:38] Don't know. I just you know, I like to think that you know, he found some some peace towards the end of his life

[1:10:45] You know, he learned how to

[1:10:47] integrate the emotions and the intellect

[1:10:54] I like to think that Alan Moore found some peace and started combing his beard. Yeah took off a ring

[1:11:05] I'm gonna say so there's a couple there's a couple of characters

[1:11:08] I've spent my life with at this point. One of them is spider-man had his ups and downs, but he's not though

[1:11:13] I is he is essentially perfect from the get-go and

[1:11:18] You could read him that first kind of like 40 some odd issues of that book or whatever

[1:11:22] You can read as him growing up and maturing and everything since then is just cycle cycle cycle cycle

[1:11:27] so instead I'm gonna say

[1:11:29] Wolverine who when I started reading comics was still a berserker and I've seen him grow and mature to become an elder

[1:11:36] Statesman in a way that feels very organic and real to that character where he's still fighting the darkness within

[1:11:42] But it's he's no longer the guy who like just kills and storm is like well Logan

[1:11:47] How could you do such a thing instead? He's like, I guess I gotta take care of these kids now

[1:11:51] You know do it do it more Canadian. That is I'm gonna take care of these kids. They

[1:11:57] You know, I'm the best there is to what I do what I do and very nice

[1:12:02] well shotgun this Molson by

[1:12:05] Snick yes Nick day

[1:12:14] Yeah, I can't follow that I mean, yeah sure I can talk about like this D&D character I played for a really

[1:12:21] You grew up with him he grew in a lot of really cool ways

[1:12:35] I don't think we're any danger of it

[1:12:37] But I'm gonna ask that no one join the line so we can allow everyone out in time to pee

[1:12:42] If you're on the line, your question will be answered if you're not on the line take it to your grave

[1:12:50] Amanda I might have mildly misunderstood the prompt because both of my observations are about the movie

[1:12:58] Please bring us back to some sort of structure. You were surprised this person to person has things that were completely unrelated to the show

[1:13:03] Yeah

[1:13:05] surprised, but just

[1:13:07] My still welcome and obviously, okay

[1:13:10] They'll be an accident or we'll talk to you about your expectations. So the first one is very short

[1:13:15] No one said her name was cat. No one asked her to be called cat

[1:13:19] but he starts calling her cat and expects her to respond to it, which is

[1:13:24] red flag number one

[1:13:32] That's true, that's true, yeah, but it's like he's murdering her identity by calling

[1:13:37] No, I chose her and this is her new name

[1:13:41] Number two, does anyone here take care of fish?

[1:13:46] Because that fucking fishbowl freshwater fish saltwater fish. They're all dead. Yeah, no filter

[1:13:52] No filter at all every fish in that bowl because you did briefly mention the fishbowl. Yeah ring

[1:13:57] La la they they broke to that fishbowl so many shots of that fucking

[1:14:06] Stewart we're solving a decades-old crime to get through this

[1:14:11] This is he didn't technically ask if anyone had a fish. I think we've cracked the cold case of those dead fish

[1:14:18] They were killed by the cast and crew of cool as ice. No, that does I mean that does

[1:14:24] You're not as someone as someone who recently had to bury a crayfish. I did sad news everybody the crayfish

[1:14:31] I mentioned on the I mentioned earlier on the podcast died a natural death is many buried in our yard with a

[1:14:36] Tombstone then you climbed onto that grave and fuck this shit

[1:14:48] It was hiding behind Dan I'm just saying that but no, yeah, it takes a lot of work to keep an aquatic creature alive

[1:14:54] Yeah, so yeah

[1:14:56] Please if anyone has a gill man at home

[1:15:00] Hello

[1:15:01] Savage first name is held. I work in industrial embroidery and that's when I listen to your podcast

[1:15:07] So I I'm around a lot of hats

[1:15:10] and this keep talking

[1:15:13] And this movie has a lot of hats in it. Yeah, and that's all I want to talk about

[1:15:20] Can I get your guys's opinions on good messages to put on hats and where

[1:15:25] Good messages on a hat

[1:15:28] Where we are where we're on the hat. Yeah, we're where we're on the head on the hat. Okay?

[1:15:34] Yeah, yeah, not where to wear the hat. Okay, that makes more like positive messages for the youth or

[1:15:42] Yes, I mean if you I

[1:15:46] Would like to put like a message on like pork pie hats and trilby's is like if you are a man

[1:15:53] Below the age of 60 don't wear me. That's a lot of mess

[1:15:56] That's a lot of mess. It is true, but it will save so many lives a conversation starter. I guess I guess so

[1:16:04] I think

[1:16:05] There's a lot of negativity in the world

[1:16:06] So I think I just want a cap that says good work that I can wear just people look at it

[1:16:10] They know I just want to be what's what's his face from 30 rocks. Yeah, Judah free later. Yeah. Yeah

[1:16:16] I know but his cats his hats would be like number one champ. I want to tell other people they're doing

[1:16:20] I would I'd love to shout out my brother who is six feet tall and I'm he made me make him a hat that says

[1:16:26] Big man

[1:16:30] Alternately on days when I'm feeling a little sassy the hat has nothing on the front but on the back it says my eyes are up

[1:16:36] front

[1:16:42] That'll teach them thank you guys so much. Yeah. Thank you

[1:16:46] Hey guys, hello

[1:16:48] So we know from watching cool as ice that the people that funded cool as ice. He knows us

[1:16:55] We know this first principle because we watched it, but we know that they said script

[1:17:02] Competent editing. They're like no we got cool. We got

[1:17:08] Ice man Bobby Drake, but yeah, I stand from top one. Well, not that ice man. It's just

[1:17:13] So these type of vanity projects we I think we used to see more in the past, but I was kind of wondering

[1:17:19] Is there a pop culture?

[1:17:21] figure today that would be oblivious enough to make

[1:17:29] Pitbull

[1:17:31] Now what was the mr. Worldwide movie be the I mean, I assume he's saving an orphanage

[1:17:38] There's probably a girl in a motorcycle, you know involved

[1:17:41] I mean to be honest, you just put him in front of a green screen and start him into cool as ice. It's the same movie

[1:17:53] I

[1:17:55] Mean

[1:17:57] I

[1:17:59] Do like timber though, I gotta say, you know, you had cash it of the mix

[1:18:02] I look you can you can be a joke and make a catchy song, you know

[1:18:06] And you can be a joke and be a true artist. Just ask Marcel Duchamp artistic prankster

[1:18:12] Thank you so much

[1:18:17] Yes, I

[1:18:20] Want to first thank you for mentioning David Lynch because I could only watch this movie and think about how

[1:18:25] Vinyl ice was some sort of deranged Dale Cooper in Twin Peaks. Yeah

[1:18:29] But my question is for me the crossover event of the century as a Jeopardy fan was one

[1:18:35] Elliot Kalin was on Jeopardy. Thank you last couple years

[1:18:38] Second place. Thank you. I wanted to ask you guys if you guys were competing the three of you

[1:18:44] Second place. Thank you

[1:18:47] If you guys were competing the three of you on Jeopardy, what would be your dream categories in order to defeat each other?

[1:18:53] I'd probably say check new wave movies

[1:18:59] Wouldn't that be wild

[1:19:02] But it's a buzzer game Elliot. That's why I came in second place. It's a buzzer game. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did

[1:19:09] Well, then I guess I'd say Warhammer. Yeah, that's yeah

[1:19:12] Good fucking luck. What?

[1:19:17] Yeah, well what next Jojo's Bizarre Adventure characters, you're dead, dude

[1:19:22] My I think it might would just be like unexpected filmographies because no matter what movie it is

[1:19:27] I'm like, well gotta look at IMDb and be like, oh

[1:19:32] I'm mildly interested in the fact that the same person did these two things like like it's weird like I work

[1:19:39] Or I did at least but I hope to again I work in the entertainment industry

[1:19:45] the idea that

[1:19:49] That one person would do two different types of things shouldn't amaze me because I'm like that's how money is made

[1:19:57] But like I'm still like fascinating

[1:20:00] like, oh, oh, Ted Kotcheff, he made Wake and Fright.

[1:20:03] He also made Weekend at Bernie's.

[1:20:05] That's, wow, a double threat.

[1:20:07] They're not that different.

[1:20:08] I mean, you'd also do really well

[1:20:10] with a category called like Pornpourri

[1:20:11] or Poet and Portables, or.

[1:20:12] I'm sorry, sir.

[1:20:18] Yeah, that's.

[1:20:19] Yeah, it's like, Misty Monday movies.

[1:20:23] Pornpourri, perfect.

[1:20:24] Great, thank you.

[1:20:25] All right, next question.

[1:20:26] Let's try to do these quick, unfortunate.

[1:20:28] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:20:29] We're running late and everyone needs their sleep.

[1:20:32] Come on.

[1:20:33] Okay, quick question.

[1:20:35] If you could recommend a superhero

[1:20:36] for Portland, Oregon, what would it be?

[1:20:40] Ooh.

[1:20:42] Wait, are we creating a new one whole cloth

[1:20:44] or are we recommending an existing superhero?

[1:20:47] I was gonna say whichever one you want,

[1:20:49] but I wanted to be brief

[1:20:49] because Elliot said to be brief.

[1:20:52] A stern taskmaster.

[1:20:54] Turn it back on him.

[1:20:56] I love it.

[1:20:59] If it's a preexisting hero,

[1:21:01] there's a Marvel character named D-Man.

[1:21:04] He is a former professional wrestler.

[1:21:05] He thinks he is Captain America's best friend

[1:21:09] and Captain America tolerates him.

[1:21:12] He's a very sweet man.

[1:21:13] I think he'd make a great hero for Portland.

[1:21:16] It's a smaller scale city.

[1:21:17] He's a smaller scale hero.

[1:21:21] The D stands for demolition,

[1:21:23] but it could stand for something Portland related

[1:21:26] that starts with D.

[1:21:28] Not to play too much into my persona,

[1:21:29] but I am aware that Portland has

[1:21:32] a very high concentration of strip clubs per capita.

[1:21:37] And yet, yeah, and yet when I said

[1:21:39] you do well in the porn free category,

[1:21:40] you took offense.

[1:21:43] Only because it suggests

[1:21:45] that I'm the only person on stage

[1:21:48] who might have sexual interests.

[1:21:50] Anyway.

[1:21:54] I know that there's like a lot of strip clubs

[1:21:57] more hipstery strip clubs,

[1:21:58] things like strip karaoke.

[1:22:01] I would have like sort of a Banshee style superhero

[1:22:07] who sings, who has the power of singing,

[1:22:09] but only while stripping.

[1:22:12] Interesting.

[1:22:16] I don't know.

[1:22:16] Portland's a pretty cool city.

[1:22:17] You're gonna need a cool superhero.

[1:22:19] I'm gonna say, what, Grifter,

[1:22:20] that guy with two guns and a mask.

[1:22:22] Yeah, the Grifter of the Wildcats story, yeah.

[1:22:24] The mask that just flaps unattached

[1:22:28] to the bottom of his face.

[1:22:29] Kind of looks like a beard.

[1:22:30] Yeah.

[1:22:31] Thank you so much.

[1:22:33] Enjoy Portland's new super team

[1:22:35] of D-Man, Grifter, and the stripping songstress.

[1:22:42] They, them.

[1:22:43] So the 2013, The Big Wedding,

[1:22:46] and the French language original 2006.

[1:22:50] Have any of you seen both or either?

[1:22:52] If not, I have a backup question.

[1:22:55] What?

[1:22:56] The Big Wedding?

[1:22:57] I haven't seen it.

[1:22:58] I apologize.

[1:22:59] 2006 is The Big Wedding.

[1:22:59] No.

[1:23:00] Sorry, 2013's The Big Wedding,

[1:23:01] 2006 is Montreux, Mariette.

[1:23:04] No, I haven't seen them.

[1:23:05] Okay, backup question.

[1:23:05] Question B, please.

[1:23:06] Most Portland movie not shot in Portland,

[1:23:10] most not Portland movie shot in Portland.

[1:23:13] Did I say that right?

[1:23:14] Most Portland movie not shot in Portland,

[1:23:17] most not Portland movie shot in Portland.

[1:23:17] I'm gonna choose one or the other.

[1:23:19] Thank you.

[1:23:20] Okay.

[1:23:21] What is, what is Portland?

[1:23:22] I just wanna apologize that

[1:23:23] the last couple of questions have assumed

[1:23:25] a lot of knowledge about Portland on my part.

[1:23:28] I've been here a couple of times.

[1:23:29] It's a great city.

[1:23:30] I really like being here.

[1:23:31] I don't like know it super well.

[1:23:33] What do I know about Portland?

[1:23:35] There's...

[1:23:36] City of Roses.

[1:23:38] Name of the Rose?

[1:23:39] Is that?

[1:23:39] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[1:23:40] Are there any medieval monasteries in Portland?

[1:23:42] There's...

[1:23:44] Wait, is Pig in Portland or is that Seattle?

[1:23:47] Ah, there you go, yeah.

[1:23:48] I did it.

[1:23:49] You did it.

[1:23:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:23:51] Stuart got it.

[1:23:52] Stuart got it.

[1:23:53] I'm so glad you thought of it.

[1:23:57] I'm like, escape from Newport.

[1:24:01] Yes, yes sir.

[1:24:02] You have the last one.

[1:24:04] You get to close us out.

[1:24:05] No pressure.

[1:24:06] Okay, so you meet a cinephile genie.

[1:24:09] I love it.

[1:24:10] You do...

[1:24:11] I do, finally.

[1:24:13] You can't do world peace or any of that lame stuff.

[1:24:15] You can get one movie made with any, no restrictions,

[1:24:19] no budget cast.

[1:24:21] What do you wish for?

[1:24:24] Oh wow, okay.

[1:24:26] I don't know, Guillermo del Toro's

[1:24:28] At the Mountains of Madness.

[1:24:29] Boom, I'm done.

[1:24:30] I'm out.

[1:24:31] Wow, wow, wow, wow.

[1:24:32] You did it.

[1:24:35] Does it have to be a movie that was gonna...

[1:24:36] Well, there's no, he's gone.

[1:24:39] We'll never know.

[1:24:40] It's like Kaiser Soze.

[1:24:40] I mean, the selfish thing would be like a movie

[1:24:42] that I wanna make, but...

[1:24:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have a great screenplay.

[1:24:47] If anyone is interested.

[1:24:48] Yeah, I've got one too.

[1:24:49] I'm part way through.

[1:24:51] I got...

[1:24:52] It's about this guy named Dan

[1:24:52] and everybody thinks he's cool and funny.

[1:24:54] He's kinda cool, but like...

[1:24:55] He's super cool and his lame-o friends

[1:24:57] are always making fun of him.

[1:24:59] But then he has to save them

[1:25:00] from an international drug cartel.

[1:25:03] They're crying the whole time.

[1:25:06] I mean, also the problem with this is like,

[1:25:08] I'm trying to think of like books or whatever.

[1:25:10] Like, I don't want to adapt them though,

[1:25:12] because like anything that I truly love,

[1:25:14] I'm like, well, it exists in the form

[1:25:16] that I love it in already.

[1:25:18] I don't need to see it as a movie.

[1:25:21] I have already enjoyed it.

[1:25:23] That being said, let's see.

[1:25:26] I have...

[1:25:28] Wait, The Hunger Games?

[1:25:30] Yeah, do The Hunger Games.

[1:25:31] Have they done The Hunger Games?

[1:25:32] Yeah, they done that?

[1:25:33] Is that a movie yet?

[1:25:34] There have been not great versions of this.

[1:25:36] I'd love to see a great adaptation

[1:25:38] of The Man Who Was Thursday by G.K. Chesterton,

[1:25:40] which is, it is a hundred year old book

[1:25:42] that is half the book is chase sequence.

[1:25:44] And every time they think they've caught the bad guy,

[1:25:47] the bad guy's like, I'm not the bad guy.

[1:25:49] You got to keep going.

[1:25:50] So it's a super fun book.

[1:25:51] You know what?

[1:25:52] I would write a Uncle Scrooge adventure here.

[1:25:59] Like a true globetrotting,

[1:26:01] like in the mode of the 1010 movie that Spielberg made.

[1:26:06] That would be a lot of fun.

[1:26:07] Live action, voiced by Chris Pratt.

[1:26:09] No.

[1:26:11] Wait, it's live action, but it's voiced by Chris Pratt?

[1:26:15] Yeah, and his body is by Chris Pratt.

[1:26:18] You just put a duck bill on Chris Pratt.

[1:26:20] I guess technically every Chris Pratt role

[1:26:22] is voiced by Chris Pratt.

[1:26:24] That's true.

[1:26:25] Can't argue with that.

[1:26:26] Hey, everyone, thank you.

[1:26:32] Thank you so much.

[1:26:33] You're a great audience.

[1:26:34] Thank you for being here.

[1:26:36] Thank you for being so kind to us.

[1:26:39] And patient.

[1:26:40] We will try to be out there for a while by the merch.

[1:26:45] We have to fly very early,

[1:26:46] so who knows how long a while is,

[1:26:48] but thank you so much for being here.

[1:26:50] For The Flop House, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:26:55] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:26:58] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:27:00] Good night, everybody.

[1:27:02] Thank you, Portland.

[1:27:02] Thank you to the Aladdin Theater.

[1:27:14] You know...

[1:27:15] Wait, wait, wait, don't let Elliot get a microphone.

[1:27:17] Oh, God.

[1:27:18] Too late, too late.

[1:27:19] He's all jacked up on sugar.

[1:27:22] Yeah.

[1:27:23] I had half a soda and I'm ready to do this show.

[1:27:27] Hello.

[1:27:28] Wow, this is nice.

[1:27:30] I was standing backstage thinking

[1:27:33] how objectively strange this is

[1:27:36] that people care to come see us do this thing.

[1:27:40] No, no, no, you gotta have a position of strength.

[1:27:42] Oh, okay, yeah.

[1:27:44] You're gonna love it.

[1:27:50] Oh, what a great crowd tonight.

[1:27:52] Great crowd, thank you.

[1:27:53] Thank you for coming.

[1:27:54] Dan, this crowd is so hot tonight,

[1:27:57] I don't think we have to do a show.

[1:27:58] They can just cheer for two straight hours.

[1:28:04] Maximum fun.

[1:28:05] A worker-owned network.

[1:28:06] Of artist-owned shows.

[1:28:08] Supported.

[1:28:09] Directly.

[1:28:10] By you.

Ep. #418 - Cool as Ice, LIVE

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