FH Mini #150 - Best Stephen King Movies

[0:00] Hey there, folks, this is Stuart Wellington of the Flophouse podcast, and I want to welcome

[0:08] you to another edition of the Flophouse Mini.

[0:11] This is a slightly shorter version of the Flophouse podcast, where instead of watching

[0:15] a bad movie, we do kind of whatever.

[0:17] And I am joined by the other two members of the Flophouse, Ted McCoy and Elliot Kaelin,

[0:24] matching my energy.

[0:25] I love it.

[0:27] In honor of a recent episode, that's right, Dreamcatcher, I thought we should go for the

[0:31] king of cinema.

[0:33] That's right.

[0:34] We're going to talk about the cinematic works of one Stephen King.

[0:38] Stephen King, you might know him.

[0:39] He is a novelist.

[0:40] He was a, at one point, apparently, a cocaine user.

[0:45] He has so many screenwriting credits.

[0:48] I thought it would be fun if we took a look at his various movies and we did a definitive,

[0:54] that's right, a definitive top 10 ranking of them based on our own personal judgments.

[1:00] Now, looking at the works of Stephen King, I know you'd probably say, that guy's got

[1:04] a couple of movies under his belt.

[1:05] And you know what?

[1:06] I thought that until I looked at his fucking filmography, and there's like zillions.

[1:09] Well, this is what I was going to ask.

[1:12] When you say screenwriting credit, like, are these the ones where he literally has a screenwriting

[1:16] credit or it's based on a work by?

[1:18] Based on works by.

[1:19] I'm not going to do screenwriting credits, because that's like, what, like three movies?

[1:23] Like Maximum Overdrive.

[1:24] Directed one, you know, one, I think that is actually, we are not going to do sleepwalkers.

[1:31] We are, in fact, just going to be talking about, we're going to be talking about movies

[1:35] that are either based on works or screenplays he wrote, but we're talking about movies.

[1:39] Now, this is not TV.

[1:40] This is not episodes.

[1:41] Sorry, Langoliers.

[1:42] Get the fuck out of here.

[1:43] I mean, get the fuck out of here, Castle Rock.

[1:45] If we were just talking about like TV or TV movies, sorry, Kingdom Hospital, that would

[1:50] be going on forever.

[1:52] It would be going like I got to say, I would like just looking at his upcoming credits.

[1:56] It's like 50 things.

[1:57] It's bonkers.

[1:58] So sorry.

[1:59] The Shining with Tim Daly was the Steven Webster, Webber, Steven Webster.

[2:05] It was Steven Webber, but he was doing it as Webster from the TV show Webster.

[2:11] Some people thought it was in bad taste.

[2:12] Not me, though.

[2:16] Steven Webber, I know less from Wings and more from his very successful runs on Celebrity

[2:20] Jeopardy.

[2:22] Or Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

[2:24] I've heard of it.

[2:25] You guys want to talk to me about it for an hour?

[2:28] I would love to talk to you about it for more than an hour.

[2:30] OK, but we don't have time for that.

[2:31] We have to go through these movies.

[2:32] We've got to do a Studio 60 season at some point.

[2:34] Yeah, at some point.

[2:35] So what we're going to be doing is we're going to be going.

[2:38] I did my best.

[2:39] Now, guys, listeners, I did my best to like parse what counts.

[2:43] And I'm doing currently feature length films.

[2:47] Ideally, some are released on video, but they're all they're all movies.

[2:52] So you're not doing any from like the Dollar Baby Project or whatever it's called, where

[2:56] he'll license his stories for a dollar to a student filmmaker or an independent filmmaker.

[3:01] I don't think so, because once again, we're talking feature length films, not like those

[3:04] usually shorts.

[3:05] Again, please.

[3:06] We'll show it's the crossword puzzle.

[3:08] So to to cut this list down, which is enormous, we are we are going to we're going to first

[3:14] do a quick weeding process where you guys are going to say, we got to weed all his books.

[3:19] That's a lot of books to weed.

[3:20] We're going to be like virtual lawnmower men and we are going to weed this garden.

[3:25] So what I'm going to do is I'm going to list the name and year of a work.

[3:29] And if you want to cut it, you just you guys just jump in and you say, cut it, ax it, get

[3:33] it out of here.

[3:34] OK, do I have to cut it out hand signal?

[3:37] You don't because that's going to take way too long.

[3:39] We got a million of these to go through.

[3:41] So we're actually these are going to be in order, but backwards, starting with right

[3:46] now, today.

[3:47] OK, so we're going back.

[3:49] We're going to this round in time and back into this round is just cutting movies that

[3:53] we are dismissing out of hand.

[3:54] There is no way this is going to be in our top ten.

[3:56] OK, OK.

[3:57] OK, so first, The Running Man 2025.

[4:00] Kill it.

[4:01] I liked it.

[4:02] But kill it.

[4:03] OK.

[4:04] The Long Walk.

[4:05] I haven't killed it.

[4:06] Kill it.

[4:07] The Monkey 2025.

[4:08] I haven't seen it.

[4:09] Kill it.

[4:12] Kill it.

[4:13] I haven't seen it either.

[4:14] So I can't speak to it.

[4:15] I'm going to say kill it.

[4:16] The Life of Chuck.

[4:17] I've heard the things.

[4:18] Haven't seen it.

[4:19] I liked it.

[4:20] OK, but I don't think it's going to hit the top.

[4:21] Pet Sematary Bloodlines.

[4:22] Kill it.

[4:23] Kill it.

[4:24] The Boogeyman.

[4:25] What?

[4:26] Mr. Harrigan's Phone.

[4:27] What?

[4:28] No, I don't know what that is.

[4:29] Firestarter 2025.

[4:30] No, absolutely not.

[4:31] No, we watched that.

[4:32] That's crap.

[4:33] Yeah.

[4:34] Children of the Corn 2025.

[4:36] Kill it.

[4:37] The Life of Chuck.

[4:38] I've heard the things.

[4:42] I'm sorry if they did one.

[4:43] Yeah.

[4:44] So Children of the Corn 2020 is the Barbara Walters-Hugh Downs' Children of the Corn?

[4:49] Yeah.

[4:50] Yeah, exactly.

[4:51] OK.

[4:52] It comes on after TGIF, so I guess I'll watch it.

[4:55] Yeah.

[4:56] Wait, Andy Rooney was 2020, right?

[4:57] No, that was 60 Minutes.

[4:58] Oh, fuck.

[4:59] Wrong TV show.

[5:00] Wrong news magazine show with a number in the title.

[5:01] Wrong numerical news show.

[5:03] Fuck.

[5:04] OK.

[5:05] Doctor Sleep.

[5:07] Kill it.

[5:08] I heard good things, though.

[5:09] I'm like, OK.

[5:10] It's just a borderline case.

[5:11] I say kill it, I guess.

[5:12] OK.

[5:13] In the Tall Grass.

[5:14] Don't know what that is.

[5:15] Kill it.

[5:16] It Chapter 2.

[5:17] Kill it.

[5:18] Elliot, are you just going to say kill it to all these?

[5:21] For most things.

[5:22] Yeah.

[5:23] You're trying to make this.

[5:24] I mean, it will make this mini shorter.

[5:26] Yeah.

[5:27] And also a lot of things get murdered.

[5:28] Do you want to keep It Chapter 2?

[5:29] I have to.

[5:30] I never saw It Chapter 2.

[5:31] I saw it Chapter 1 and it annoyed me, so I never saw It Chapter 2.

[5:33] I'm one of the defenders of It Chapter 2 because I like how wacky it gets.

[5:37] But if we're going to keep one on here, I would probably argue for keeping the first

[5:41] It.

[5:42] OK.

[5:43] Pet Cemetery 2019.

[5:44] Didn't see it.

[5:45] Oh, no, no.

[5:46] That was no good.

[5:47] Children of the Corn Runaway.

[5:48] I don't know it.

[5:49] No.

[5:50] 1922.

[5:51] What?

[5:52] Wait.

[5:53] Oh, yeah.

[5:54] This is that Netflix one.

[5:55] I think it's a Netflix one.

[5:56] It's like based on a short story, I think.

[5:57] I don't know it.

[5:58] No.

[5:59] I don't.

[6:00] Yeah.

[6:01] I don't know enough about it.

[6:02] It Chapter 1.

[6:03] Or just It.

[6:04] I'd say let's keep it.

[6:05] Let's keep it.

[6:06] Let's keep it for now.

[6:07] You can hold on to it if you want.

[6:08] The Dark Tower.

[6:09] No.

[6:10] Absolutely not.

[6:11] That was garbage.

[6:12] Gerald's Game.

[6:13] Maybe.

[6:14] Oh, that was.

[6:15] I'm going to keep it.

[6:16] Yeah.

[6:17] Yeah.

[6:18] Yeah.

[6:19] Yeah.

[6:20] Yeah.

[6:21] Ellie's like, hmm.

[6:22] Bruce Greenwood and Carla Gugino being hot and sexy.

[6:23] I mean, it stops being sexy when she has to slice the skin off her own hands.

[6:25] But, you know, it's.

[6:26] I'm not into that.

[6:27] But.

[6:28] Uh.

[6:29] But the first couple of minutes.

[6:30] Sure.

[6:31] Yeah.

[6:32] Yeah.

[6:33] So, you know what?

[6:34] I never saw the movie.

[6:36] I don't think it's good.

[6:38] We haven't seen it.

[6:39] It does have John Cusack.

[6:40] It's late period John Cusack, though.

[6:41] Yeah.

[6:42] That's not a good sign.

[6:43] How about Mercy 2014?

[6:44] What the fuck is that?

[6:45] Oh, that was the John Stamos, Stephen King combo.

[6:46] I think so.

[6:47] Yeah.

[6:48] Yeah.

[6:49] Yeah.

[6:50] I don't know that one.

[6:51] A Good Marriage.

[6:52] Don't know it.

[6:53] You know what?

[6:54] That one's actually kind of a nice sleeper.

[6:55] But I don't think.

[6:56] No.

[6:57] Sleeper's a Woody Allen movie, Dan.

[6:58] Oh.

[6:59] No.

[7:00] Sleepwalkers.

[7:01] That's Stephen King.

[7:02] A Good Marriage.

[7:03] Sleeper.

[7:04] Yeah.

[7:05] Sleeper.

[7:06] Carrie 2013.

[7:07] I don't know for sure.

[7:08] I'm going to say no.

[7:09] Yeah.

[7:10] I think there's going to be a Carrie on this list.

[7:11] It will not be that one.

[7:12] Yeah.

[7:13] Children of the Corn Genesis.

[7:14] It's so funny.

[7:15] It's a very tenuous link to King at this point.

[7:16] But sure.

[7:17] Children of the Corn is one of those series where I'm like, I have never dealt with it

[7:18] except the first one and I have so much trouble believing there's so many entries.

[7:19] Yeah.

[7:20] Oh, boy.

[7:21] Oh, boy.

[7:22] Yeah.

[7:23] There's a few.

[7:24] It's a lot of people.

[7:25] I'm so happy.

[7:26] Yeah.

[7:27] Yeah.

[7:28] Yeah.

[7:29] Yeah.

[7:30] Yeah.

[7:31] Yeah.

[7:32] Yeah.

[7:33] Yeah.

[7:34] Yeah.

[7:35] There's a few.

[7:36] There's nothing about the first Children of the Corn movie where I'm like, this has legs.

[7:37] Do more of these.

[7:38] I will say Microsoft Excel was getting very annoyed that they're like, you mean Children

[7:42] of the.

[7:43] I'm like, no, no, no.

[7:44] It's a different one.

[7:45] This is the new one.

[7:46] Clippy the paperclip is like, it seems like you're putting in another goddamn Children

[7:49] of the Corn.

[7:50] Yeah.

[7:51] Yeah.

[7:52] I'm going to put an X under Children of the Corn Genesis.

[7:53] I'll agree with that.

[7:54] Dolan's Cadillac.

[7:55] This has a friend of the pod, Kristen Slater.

[7:57] Oh.

[7:58] Wait, what?

[7:59] I mean, and then we talked about his catchphrase philosophy.

[8:03] I haven't seen that one.

[8:04] OK.

[8:05] 1408.

[8:06] Another John Cusack.

[8:08] That one's not bad.

[8:09] I never watched that one.

[8:10] I should have because that short story is.

[8:11] I really love that short story.

[8:12] Let's keep it in for now.

[8:13] It's a great short story.

[8:14] Because I fear that we're cutting so much.

[8:15] The Mist.

[8:16] Yeah, I'll keep it in for now.

[8:18] I'm not the fan of the ending event that a lot of people are, but well, maybe you just

[8:23] can't handle it.

[8:24] Wimp.

[8:25] Yeah.

[8:26] I think I prefer the original video game Mist that was based on.

[8:29] No, I'm just kidding.

[8:30] It's a terrible game.

[8:31] Stephen King played so much Mist that he wrote a movie about it.

[8:34] Yeah.

[8:35] Riding the Bullet.

[8:36] I never saw that one.

[8:37] Riding the Bullet.

[8:38] No, I don't know.

[8:39] No.

[8:40] Secret Window.

[8:41] That is a goofy ass movie, but I can't make an argument for it.

[8:44] That is a very goofy movie.

[8:45] Yeah.

[8:46] OK.

[8:47] Uh oh.

[8:48] Dreamcatcher.

[8:49] No, thank you.

[8:50] Keep it on the.

[8:51] Keep it on board.

[8:52] No, kill that one too.

[8:53] The Dead Zone 2002.

[8:54] What?

[8:55] We didn't watch that one, did we?

[8:56] No.

[8:57] Who's in that?

[8:58] Again, there's going to be a Dead Zone on this list.

[8:59] It will not be that Dead Zone.

[9:00] Yeah.

[9:01] Children of the Corn Revelation.

[9:03] What could they be revealing?

[9:04] What's the revelation?

[9:05] At this late date?

[9:06] Yeah.

[9:07] Hearts in Atlantis.

[9:08] Corn has had so many children at this point.

[9:09] What about Hearts in Atlantis, gang?

[9:10] No.

[9:11] It's got Anthony Hopkins in it.

[9:12] I think I'm going to kill Hearts in Atlantis.

[9:13] Yeah.

[9:14] Oh, no.

[9:15] Uh, one second.

[9:16] Dan, do you want to defend Hearts in Atlantis, the other William Goldman, Stephen King movie?

[9:17] I have never seen it.

[9:18] It looks boring.

[9:19] Uh.

[9:20] The Green Mile.

[9:21] Keep.

[9:22] Okay, I'll allow it.

[9:23] Yeah.

[9:24] Okay.

[9:25] There may be two prison movies on this list.

[9:26] We'll see.

[9:27] Is this another Children of the Corn movie?

[9:28] Children of the Corn 666 Isaac's Rebirth.

[9:29] Well, that one.

[9:30] They couldn't even decide on what subtitle to use.

[9:31] Guys, you know 90% of his minis are children of the corn.

[9:32] They're not children of the corn.

[9:33] They're not children of the corn.

[9:34] They're children of the corn.

[9:35] You know there's a big difference between a children of the corn and a child of the

[9:36] corn.

[9:37] I think if you're a child of the corn, you know what that means.

[9:38] If you're a child of the corn, you know what that means.

[9:39] I think if you're a child of the corn, you know what that means.

[10:00] Boko instead of the Transformers.

[10:02] We should drink a lot of Boku and then watch all the Children of the Corn movies.

[10:07] The Rage colon Carry 2.

[10:10] I never saw that one.

[10:11] I've heard some defenders of that, but I don't think it's going to be the carry that we...

[10:15] Not familiar.

[10:16] No, again, I think there should be one carry on the list, yeah.

[10:18] Sometimes they come back for more.

[10:21] At the Golden Corral Buffet.

[10:25] I'm going to say no to that one.

[10:27] Apt Pupil.

[10:29] I like this one.

[10:31] It's a good movie that is icky because of the director and the way that the cast was treated.

[10:36] Oh, yeah, it's a bright...

[10:38] So that's a hard one.

[10:39] Let's not kill it yet, but it's going to be...

[10:41] It's one of those things where are we judging the work or are we judging the creation of the work?

[10:45] Yeah.

[10:47] Fields of Terror.

[10:49] This is the fifth one.

[10:51] We've been going backwards and we've only hit five now.

[10:53] Yeah, there's six before this, yeah.

[10:56] The Night Flyer.

[10:58] I never saw The Night Flyer.

[10:59] I remember the commercials.

[11:00] Nope.

[11:01] Thinner.

[11:04] Thinner is a very weirdly watchable movie.

[11:07] Like if I come across Thinner, like...

[11:10] Weirdly watchable, raves Dan McCoy.

[11:12] Flipping the channels, I'm like, oh, maybe I'll watch some of Thinner.

[11:15] But I don't think it's good enough to...

[11:18] We've killed so many.

[11:19] Do you want to hold on to it just for a moment and then we kill it later?

[11:21] Just for a moment.

[11:22] We have tons more to go.

[11:25] We have at least 30 more to go.

[11:27] Wow.

[11:28] Did they ever make a movie of Eyes of the Dragon?

[11:30] No.

[11:31] They keep threatening to do that or like make it a miniseries, but I don't think it's ever...

[11:35] I remember reading that as a kid and being like, when's the horror stuff going to happen?

[11:39] And then when it was over, I was like, I was glad there was no horror stuff.

[11:41] This is a straight fantasy book.

[11:42] That's right.

[11:43] It's good.

[11:44] Children of the Corn 4, The Gathering.

[11:46] So who's gathering and why?

[11:48] The Juggalos, actually.

[11:49] Oh, I see.

[11:50] The original Children of the Corn.

[11:52] The Juggalos.

[11:53] They're the children of the Faygo.

[11:54] Yeah.

[11:55] Okay.

[11:56] Sometimes They Come Back.

[11:57] Again.

[12:00] Wow.

[12:01] I didn't know there were two sequels.

[12:02] Yeah, there are.

[12:03] Two sequels.

[12:05] Because they keep coming back sometimes.

[12:06] Even the first one.

[12:07] Isn't that good?

[12:08] Are you wearing the Sometimes They Come Back sequel?

[12:10] Yeah.

[12:12] Dolores Claiborne.

[12:14] That's a pretty good movie.

[12:15] Okay.

[12:16] Yeah.

[12:17] Children of the Corn 3, Urban Harvest, which does sound like a grocery store.

[12:21] I want to tell you something.

[12:22] I'm not going to argue for this to be on the thing, but I saw this at a Weird Wednesday

[12:27] before the Alamo got insidified, and it was so much of a blast that I showed it at my

[12:34] Halloween party last year, and it was a delight.

[12:41] Everyone had a great time.

[12:42] That sounds like an argument to keep it on the list.

[12:44] I'm not going to say it's a good movie.

[12:47] I'm saying if you're looking for a silly horror movie that you're going to have a lot of fun

[12:50] watching.

[12:51] What Dan is really doing is making a case for us running the series of children of the

[12:56] corn.

[12:57] I think you got to do it.

[12:58] The COTCs.

[12:59] COTC, Urban Harvest.

[13:00] Can we become children of the corn?

[13:01] We'll find out.

[13:02] I think Dolores Claiborne.

[13:03] Going back to that.

[13:04] I think let's keep it for now.

[13:05] I don't know that it's going to end up on that top ten list.

[13:06] Especially because it's competing against another very strong Kathy Bates contender.

[13:10] Yes.

[13:11] Exactly.

[13:12] Exactly.

[13:13] We got The Mangler.

[13:14] No.

[13:15] A lot of fun, but no.

[13:16] The Shawshank Redemption.

[13:17] No.

[13:18] Just kidding.

[13:19] It's not my film, but yes.

[13:20] It is a very good movie.

[13:21] Needful Things.

[13:22] I've never seen because I don't think it'll live up to my idea of what that story should

[13:23] be.

[13:24] It's such a great concept for a story.

[13:25] It feels like a very vague movie.

[13:26] Needful Things has some fun, but it gets boring after a while.

[13:27] The movie.

[13:28] The Dark Half.

[13:29] Yes.

[13:30] We're entering the era of Stuart sees these movies in the theater.

[13:31] Yeah.

[13:32] The Dark Half, I think we can keep for now.

[13:33] We'll keep it for now.

[13:34] Yeah.

[13:35] Children of the Corn.

[13:44] Obviously not because there's at least four more.

[13:45] No.

[13:46] Sleepwalkers.

[13:47] No.

[13:48] It's still funny, though.

[13:49] But also, one of our early Flap House live shows.

[13:50] Yeah, that's true.

[13:51] So that's the one I wanted to watch.

[13:52] The Lawn Mower Man.

[13:53] So, wait, you didn't include Lawn Mower Man 2, did you?

[13:54] It wasn't listed.

[13:55] Oh.

[13:56] Or maybe it was and I missed it.

[13:57] Maybe it's because it's so far away from what we know.

[13:58] Yeah.

[13:59] I wonder if it's because it's so far away.

[14:02] Yeah.

[14:06] I think that was one where he actually asked his name to be taken off of it.

[14:08] So maybe that's why.

[14:09] Maybe that's why.

[14:10] Yeah, this is not really...

[14:11] Now that I think about, I'm like yeah, I would have put it in there, obviously.

[14:12] Job's Revenge, right?

[14:13] Yeah, Job's Revenge.

[14:14] Yeah.

[14:15] Job's Jobbing.

[14:16] It's Job's Job.

[14:17] The Lawn Mower Man is one of the most bizarre, extremely weird adaptations.

[14:18] Yeah.

[14:19] Because the short story is about, you know, how you'd get off.

[14:20] You'd go through the whole thing.

[14:21] And you'd go through the whole thing.

[14:22] You'd go through a lot of things.

[14:23] You'd go through this and you'd go through that.

[14:24] And then you'd go through that and then you'd have to go through that.

[14:35] It's about a man who, like, worships Pan and eats the grass off of people's houses.

[14:39] Yeah, it's about a literal lawn mower man.

[14:41] I was confused when I read the book, the story after watching the movie.

[14:45] You're like, when do they have cyber sex?

[14:47] I don't understand.

[14:48] When do they fly through cyberspace?

[14:51] When do we all jack into the Matrix?

[14:53] Okay, so we're leaving Lawn Mower Man in.

[14:56] Okay.

[14:57] No, wait, wait, wait.

[14:58] Hold on a second.

[14:59] Wait a minute, wait a minute.

[15:00] I don't remember saying that.

[15:01] It's a great goofy movie, but it's like...

[15:02] Fine, fine.

[15:03] It's not a good Stephen King movie.

[15:04] It's not the goofy movie.

[15:05] Yeah.

[15:06] I also feel like...

[15:07] The goofy movie is maybe Stephen King's best movie.

[15:08] I also feel like, now that I'm going through this, I feel like Pet Sematary 2 might not

[15:13] even be in here.

[15:14] Oh, wow.

[15:15] Similarly, for maybe he had his name taken off.

[15:18] Yeah.

[15:19] Okay.

[15:21] I think he did.

[15:22] I think there's another one where he has to have his name taken off.

[15:23] That's a fun sequel, though.

[15:24] That one is a fun sequel.

[15:25] It has one of my favorite, like, horror movie laugh moments when he rips that kid's face

[15:28] off with the motorcycle wheel and he's like, oops.

[15:33] It's pretty funny.

[15:34] Stephen King is a little weird about which movies he wants his name on.

[15:38] Like Dreamcatcher...

[15:39] Oh, you think Stephen King's a weird guy?

[15:40] No, I don't think he's that weird in general, but he has an addictive personality.

[15:45] With Dreamcatcher, at the time, he was like, they did a great job.

[15:48] This is going to be great.

[15:49] But with The Shining, he was like, nope, not interested.

[15:52] Didn't like it.

[15:53] It's like, all right, well, we have different standards here.

[15:56] Okay, Sometimes They Come Back.

[15:58] No.

[15:59] This is the first one.

[16:00] Regular style.

[16:01] Regular style, no.

[16:02] I've never actually seen it.

[16:03] I just remember seeing it in the video store.

[16:05] It's okay.

[16:06] Okay, guys.

[16:07] Now we got a heavy hitter.

[16:08] Misery.

[16:09] Yeah.

[16:10] Keep that on the list.

[16:11] Yeah.

[16:12] Graveyard Shift.

[16:13] No.

[16:14] No.

[16:15] No.

[16:16] Tales from the Dark Side, the movie.

[16:17] I'm leaving that shit in.

[16:18] Okay.

[16:19] Yeah.

[16:20] Pet Sematary, the original.

[16:21] Yeah.

[16:22] I'd say, yeah.

[16:23] The Running Man, the original.

[16:26] It's not that...

[16:27] It's pretty different from his, the book, but there's, I mean, here's the thing.

[16:30] I'm just talking about quality of movies, not how close it is to the originals.

[16:35] That movie is objectively a goofball movie, but it's pretty fun to watch.

[16:39] It's very fun.

[16:40] Yeah.

[16:41] It's hard to...

[16:42] I don't know.

[16:43] I'm leaving it in.

[16:44] I'll let it...

[16:45] Okay.

[16:46] I think if we judge it on Death Race 2000 kind of like action satire quality, then yeah,

[16:50] I think let's keep it on the list for now.

[16:52] Yeah.

[16:53] A Return to Salem's Lot.

[16:55] I haven't seen this.

[16:56] No.

[16:57] I haven't seen that one, so I'm going to say no.

[16:58] Yeah.

[16:59] Creepshow 2.

[17:01] I am a thousand percent leaving this one in.

[17:03] You can't argue with that.

[17:04] Okay.

[17:05] I don't even remember which...

[17:06] I don't remember Creepshow 2.

[17:07] I mean, I love The Raft, but I think the rest of it's pretty bad.

[17:09] Is The Raft in Creepshow 2 or in Creepshow?

[17:10] No, it's definitely in Creepshow 2.

[17:11] I mean, I am leaving this in almost exclusively for nostalgia reasons.

[17:15] The Raft is great.

[17:16] Yeah.

[17:17] For some reason, I thought that was in the first one, so I guess I do remember Creepshow

[17:19] 2 a little bit.

[17:20] Yeah.

[17:21] Mm-hmm.

[17:22] The Thanks for the Ride, Lady bit is a thing that my mom insisted I watch and fucked me

[17:26] up for a long time, so I'm like, thanks, Mom.

[17:31] Okay.

[17:32] Stand By Me.

[17:33] Yeah.

[17:34] Sure.

[17:35] Let's leave it on.

[17:36] How about that?

[17:37] Maximum Overdrive.

[17:38] No, but again, a very fun movie to watch.

[17:41] It is fun to watch, but it is, yeah, it's not a good movie.

[17:44] Yeah.

[17:45] Stephen King's Golden Tales.

[17:46] I don't know what this is.

[17:47] I don't know what that is.

[17:48] It's a direct-to-video adventure.

[17:49] Tales of urine that he has passed.

[17:50] Yeah.

[17:51] Stephen King's Golden Showers.

[17:52] You're right.

[17:53] You're right.

[17:54] That's true.

[17:55] Yeah.

[17:56] Silver Bullet.

[17:57] I like this movie, but I'm not going to fight for it.

[17:58] I've never seen it.

[17:59] I love what Bernie writes in color plates in the book.

[18:00] Yeah.

[18:01] It's incredible.

[18:02] Like, super awesome.

[18:03] Can I vote on that?

[18:04] Cat's Eye.

[18:05] I haven't seen that since I was a kid.

[18:06] Cat's Eye.

[18:07] I like it.

[18:08] I particularly like the Quitters Incorporated segment, but I don't know if I'm going to

[18:09] vote for that.

[18:23] I like it.

[18:24] I particularly like the Quitters Incorporated segment, but I'm not going to say it.

[18:27] It belongs on the top.

[18:30] Firestarter the original.

[18:31] No.

[18:32] It's pretty boring, even.

[18:33] It's better than the new one, but.

[18:36] Yeah.

[18:37] But that's a low bar to climb.

[18:38] The original Children of the Corn.

[18:39] The story that birthed the thousand ships.

[18:41] I mean, I feel like it's gotta be on there just because it was so successful that it's

[18:45] had so many sequels, right?

[18:46] I don't remember it at all.

[18:48] It's not a good horror movie.

[18:49] It's a great, short story.

[18:50] All I remember is kids arguing with each other in a cornfield or next to a road.

[18:54] Like, I remember very little else about it.

[18:56] Okay.

[18:57] Christine.

[18:58] Yeah.

[18:59] Yeah.

[19:00] It's pretty low on my carpenter list, but.

[19:04] Yeah.

[19:05] Well, your number one would be the guy who made that table for you, right?

[19:09] My number one is Dan's Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

[19:14] Okay.

[19:15] So I'll leave it in.

[19:17] It's a carpenter.

[19:18] Let's leave it in for now.

[19:19] I don't think it'll make the ten.

[19:20] How about the Dead Zone?

[19:21] Oh, absolutely.

[19:22] That's a great movie.

[19:23] I love it.

[19:24] Cujo.

[19:25] I don't remember the movie.

[19:28] I don't remember the movie that well either.

[19:29] I remember the book much better than the movie.

[19:31] I speak volumes for the movie.

[19:33] I think it's pretty good, but I don't think it's going to make the.

[19:35] I also get Cujo mixed up with the movie Man's Best Friend, where the dog escapes from the

[19:39] government lab and it has superpowers.

[19:41] Hmm.

[19:42] Yeah.

[19:43] Okay.

[19:44] Or Chomps.

[19:45] Chomps.

[19:46] Yeah.

[19:47] Or Homps.

[19:48] The movie about camels.

[19:49] Yeah.

[19:50] Okay.

[19:51] Then we have.

[19:52] The funny thing is, I know that that's an actual movie.

[19:53] People might be thinking that's a joke.

[19:54] No, that's a real movie.

[19:55] Yeah.

[19:56] Based on a true story.

[19:57] Okay.

[19:58] We have.

[20:00] I'm going to I'm going to hit no creep show.

[20:02] Yes, sure. The Shining, yes,

[20:06] even though it's a movie that made me think I was having a

[20:10] heart attack.

[20:11] I mean, that's a good movie.

[20:13] Salem's lot. I never actually have seen.

[20:18] Yeah, yeah, I'm not.

[20:19] And carry, yes, yes, let's put carry on that list,

[20:22] shall we? OK, so that is, you know what?

[20:25] There are fewer good ones than I remember.

[20:29] So we are going to take a brief pause while I tabulate.

[20:32] Alex, why don't you include some tabulate sounds here?

[20:35] It's going to take me one second, gang.

[20:40] Well, I get all these turds off the thing.

[20:46] Stuart has turds on his laptop.

[20:48] Oh, turds, turds on a laptop.

[20:50] Turds on a laptop.

[20:51] Never been there before. Who cares?

[20:55] Dropkick my laptop as it came through the door.

[20:57] No, I'm sorry.

[21:01] The fun thing, Alex, I think you got to keep all this in now.

[21:03] I think you have to. Yeah, yeah, sure.

[21:06] Until fucking Mr.

[21:08] Velvetier comes after us for stealing his fucking shit.

[21:12] Well, here the blues are calling turds on my laptop.

[21:16] For some reason, it might seem a bit confused.

[21:18] Well, maybe I've got turds on my laptop,

[21:20] but I don't know what to do with all those turds that are on my laptop.

[21:24] YouTube is standing again.

[21:26] YouTube was feeding me the Mr.

[21:28] Belvedere fan club SNL sketch the other day.

[21:31] What's the name that they give him in it?

[21:34] Well, wait, they come up with they come up with a codename

[21:38] that they're going to call him.

[21:40] Oh, well, there's like a codename for like fans, like people in the fan club

[21:43] or something.

[21:44] I was like Broncos or something.

[21:45] I don't know what it was like.

[21:46] I I was like half paying attention because also Audrey was listening

[21:50] to like reels on her phone, right?

[21:55] So there's always a competition for where my attention goes.

[21:59] And I'm just trying to think of

[21:59] what other theme songs can have turds on the laptop.

[22:03] I wake up in the morning and there's turds on my laptop

[22:05] and I think I'll never make it on time.

[22:09] The laptop turd medley. Yeah.

[22:12] OK, we're going to go where there are no turds on your laptop.

[22:17] Whatever happened to the turds on your laptop?

[22:21] The milkman, the paperboy, the pooper boy.

[22:25] Pooper boy. Yeah.

[22:29] There had to have been a review of the movie, the paper.

[22:33] There had to have been, Dan.

[22:35] You're right. There had to have been.

[22:37] OK, gang, scientifically, that does remember.

[22:39] I do remember when my column that used to run in the Metro newspaper,

[22:43] once it was next to a review of the Woody Allen movie Scoop

[22:45] and the headline was just Scoop is Poop.

[22:50] Not wrong. OK, guys, we are back.

[22:52] I have cut we have efficiently cut down this list of 75 movies.

[22:57] Wow. To a trim.

[22:58] Twenty one movies should have been more brutal.

[23:01] Yeah, we should have been more brutal.

[23:03] But this is a relatively simple thing.

[23:04] We don't have to make a huge case for these things.

[23:07] You simply have to give me a number rating between one and ten.

[23:10] One being the weakest, obvious telling this is the best movie

[23:15] I've ever seen. Give it a million.

[23:17] And then we're going to average those out.

[23:20] And obviously the the if there's if you haven't seen it,

[23:24] you don't you don't give it a score.

[23:26] But you have seen. Yeah. Yeah.

[23:27] So if there's a time when his wife, when her wife,

[23:30] when his wife's organization comes up before him, but he doesn't

[23:33] because he's a corrupt piece of shit. That's true.

[23:36] Yeah. He has been a problem.

[23:38] He's been a blight on the country and humanity for many years.

[23:42] So that count. This now counts the political podcast.

[23:44] Now it's a. Hey, welcome to welcome to a flop.

[23:47] Oh, flop house.

[23:48] Here we're talking about Stephen King movies.

[23:50] Now we're talking about the Supreme Court.

[23:52] OK. And obviously, you know, the Supreme Court voted.

[23:55] Carrie Rage, Carrie, too, as the number one Stephen King movie.

[23:59] Once again, the Supreme Court is just not going by precedent anyway.

[24:04] Yeah. OK. The first up is the monkey.

[24:06] Dan, what are you going to give the monkey between one and ten?

[24:10] Well, I really like this one, but I know there's a lot.

[24:13] Six. OK, six.

[24:15] You would say I haven't seen it now.

[24:17] I'm going to give it. I'd like to. I liked it a lot.

[24:19] I heard about it.

[24:20] The first it movie, Dan, what are you going to give it?

[24:24] Five, five, Elliot.

[24:26] I'm also going to give it a five.

[24:28] Wow. I'm giving it a three. I did not care for it.

[24:31] OK, Gerald, you loved it.

[24:33] That's why we gave it a five out of ten.

[24:36] I don't know why you took that.

[24:38] I was simply trying to show off how much I liked it less than I say.

[24:43] OK, so you guys had a stick.

[24:46] Gerald, I like this one.

[24:47] I liked it, but I'm going to I'm going to give it a seven.

[24:50] I think I'm going to give it a six.

[24:52] OK, and I liked it, too.

[24:54] I'm going to give it a seven.

[24:55] OK. Fourteen. Oh, eight.

[24:57] Dan. Five.

[25:01] OK, Elliot, did you know I never saw it again?

[25:04] I love the short story. Never saw the movie.

[25:05] I'm also going to give it a five.

[25:07] I want to like it as much as the short story.

[25:09] And I did not. But it was still pretty good.

[25:10] Do they do the thing where he picks up the phone?

[25:11] It's going one, two, three.

[25:13] All your friends are dead.

[25:14] Yes, I believe so. Yeah, that's great.

[25:16] Yeah. Yeah. The mist.

[25:21] Now that we've been through a bunch of these, I'm going to also give it a five,

[25:25] I guess. OK, Elliot.

[25:28] I'll give it a six.

[25:30] You're going to give it a six. OK.

[25:31] Was there anything about the mist?

[25:34] I think we've talked about the ending.

[25:36] Did you both dislike the ending?

[25:37] I remember watching the theater and being like, this kind of sucks.

[25:41] But also, I'm like, well, they went for it.

[25:43] I like that. I mean, that's the thing.

[25:45] I kind of felt similarly. Yeah.

[25:46] I like that they did something different and they were like,

[25:48] well, let's make it real mean.

[25:50] But I I honestly like the uncertainty of the

[25:55] novellas ending more.

[25:57] Yeah. I mean, when I was I remember discovering, discovering, discovering

[26:01] this the short story or novella when I was a kid and being like, oh, wow,

[26:06] there's monsters in the mist.

[26:08] And that was and like the idea that there's like

[26:11] there could be a whole world of monsters running around that you can barely see.

[26:14] Like as a kid, I'm like, this is the coolest thing I've ever heard.

[26:17] Yeah. And like this, I mean, I what I do like about the movie, The Mist,

[26:20] I don't know, maybe I'm undervaluing it just because, you know, we've talked about

[26:23] I'm going to give it a six as well.

[26:25] But it's like it's a lot of cool monster stuff in there anyway.

[26:29] I think I mean, it's I it's it's a fun kind of like, yeah, fun, cool thing

[26:33] for most of it. And then the end, they're trying something.

[26:35] Yeah. You know, it doesn't quite come together.

[26:42] I'm Graham Clark, co-host of Maximum Funds, Stop Podcasting Yourself.

[26:48] And I'm here with Max Fund member of the month, Matthew.

[26:51] Hello, Matthew. How are you? Hi, Graham.

[26:53] Thank you for supporting a thing that you love.

[26:55] That's something that you listen to.

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[27:02] Plus, you're the kings of Boko.

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[27:07] Now, do you know what your perks are for being the member of the month?

[27:11] I do. I mean, I get to talk to you, which is the big thing.

[27:16] Of course, the the best

[27:19] the parking space. Yeah.

[27:20] And I think there's a twenty five dollars in the Max Fund.

[27:23] Yeah. And you also get a bumper sticker.

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[27:28] Yes. Is there anything else you'd like to add?

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[27:53] Hi, everybody. It's Ellen Weatherford and Christian Weatherford.

[27:57] People say not to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,

[28:00] but we can judge a snake by its ability to fly or a spider

[28:04] by its ability to dive or a dung beetle by its ability to navigate

[28:08] with the starlight of the Milky Way galaxy.

[28:11] On just the zoo of us, we rate our favorite animals out of 10

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[28:19] Guest experts like biologists, ecologists, musicians, comedians

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[31:27] We also have a Jumbotron this week.

[31:30] Jumbotron.

[31:31] Jumbotron.

[31:33] Very exciting.

[31:34] And this Jumbotron is for Sarah and Fergal,

[31:37] and it comes from Mikey and Dylan.

[31:39] And the message is thus, you're getting married.

[31:42] Your favorite North Inishowen brothers can't wait

[31:44] to party with you South Inishowen bozos in Derry this May.

[31:48] Hope Elliott's dulcet tones, thank you,

[31:50] make up for not getting your playlist done yet,

[31:52] but hopefully the peaches can recommend some tracks

[31:54] to cover us and manifest a rah-rah

[31:57] for your powerfully thick cat, Magnus.

[32:00] Love yous.

[32:01] It's very sweet.

[32:02] It's always nice when people get married.

[32:03] Supposed to come up with some playlist tracks

[32:06] for what kind of, oh, I don't know.

[32:10] Dan, I know what playlist track

[32:11] you're gonna recommend for a wedding,

[32:12] and that's, this must be the play's naive melody

[32:14] by Talking Heads.

[32:15] What a sweet song that is.

[32:16] What a sweet wedding song that is, yeah.

[32:17] Song.

[32:19] Thank you.

[32:20] Thank you for covering me.

[32:22] No problem.

[32:23] I'm also gonna recommend, let's see,

[32:26] what's another, this is a similar song to that one,

[32:28] which is Sherlock Holmes by Sparks.

[32:30] I'm still thinking like Dan McCoy here,

[32:32] which is a song that's partly about Sherlock Holmes,

[32:34] but it's also about finding love

[32:37] even though you are not Sherlock Holmes.

[32:40] Yeah, and I'd probably recommend Smooth Up In You

[32:42] by the Bullet Boys.

[32:44] Okay, sure.

[32:47] So put all those on there, I guess.

[32:48] I guess put those on the playlist.

[32:50] I think you had a few personal plugs

[32:52] before we got back to the show.

[32:54] I've just got the regular batch of personal plugs

[32:56] I'd like to mention.

[32:56] My new comic book, Barbarian Behind Bars

[32:58] is out now from Mad Cave Studios.

[33:00] Check out the latest issue.

[33:02] It is about a Conan the Barbarian type barbarian

[33:04] who ends up on Earth, gets thrown in jail.

[33:06] He doesn't speak the language.

[33:07] No one knows who he is.

[33:08] He's gotta fight his way out.

[33:09] But maybe, just maybe, the evil that he was chasing

[33:12] to our world is out to get him at the same time.

[33:15] And it's, there's some-

[33:16] Maybe.

[33:17] Maybe.

[33:17] Definitely.

[33:18] Let me just tell you, it definitely is.

[33:19] Also, I continue to come out with Harley Quinn

[33:22] for DC Comics.

[33:23] I think that my Bat-Quinn storyline is still going on.

[33:26] It's called The Harknight Returns,

[33:28] where Harley Quinn has been split into two,

[33:29] and one of those two is essentially her version

[33:32] of the Dark Knight from Dark Knight Returns.

[33:34] And I had a lot of fun writing it.

[33:36] My book, Joke Farming, How to Write Comedy

[33:38] and Other Nonsense, is still out now

[33:39] from the University of Chicago Press.

[33:41] I just finished recording the audio book of it,

[33:44] so that will be released at some point.

[33:46] So get ready to hear me read my book

[33:49] if you don't want to read me read my book.

[33:52] And that's what I got.

[33:54] Stu, do you have any personal stuff you'd like to plug?

[33:56] I mean, I would always recommend going over

[33:58] to Jiggle Studios and signing up for a class

[34:01] if you're here in New York.

[34:02] And if you're not, they have a link on the website

[34:05] to some merch if you wanna show off

[34:09] and get some cool fitness gear

[34:11] and show off your support

[34:13] of a cool little small fitness studio.

[34:17] Now we got The Green Mile.

[34:19] Green Mile, three hours long, by the way.

[34:23] I'm not.

[34:24] That's a long walk.

[34:29] It's a perfectly pleasant movie,

[34:32] but I'm more of a five for this.

[34:34] I like The Green Mile.

[34:35] I haven't seen it in years,

[34:36] but I think I'm gonna give it an eight.

[34:42] I'll give it a six just because, though I liked it,

[34:44] I thought it was a little long.

[34:46] A little too long.

[34:47] It is a little long, that's true.

[34:48] We got Apt Pupil.

[34:51] Apt Pupil.

[34:52] Oh, this is rough, again.

[34:53] As we said, part of the problem here

[34:55] is this was directed by Bryan Singer, right?

[34:57] Directed by Bryan Singer.

[34:58] Even at the time, there were allegations

[35:02] that some of the underage male actors were mistreated,

[35:06] were told to do scenes in the nude.

[35:09] I remember reading when the movie came out,

[35:11] Entertainment Weekly did an article about this,

[35:13] and looking back on it,

[35:14] it's surprising that Bryan Singer

[35:15] then went on to make more and bigger movies

[35:18] after what happened on the set of that movie.

[35:20] So it's a little hard to-

[35:21] Was this before or after Usual Suspects?

[35:24] This was, I think, after Usual Suspects,

[35:26] but before X-Men, I believe.

[35:27] Before X-Men, yeah.

[35:28] And I think it was,

[35:30] it helped that I think everyone thought

[35:32] X-Men was going to be a huge flop and a nothing,

[35:36] that they had him do it.

[35:39] Yeah, Usual Suspects was 95, Apt Pupil was 98,

[35:41] and then X-Men was 2,000.

[35:43] So it was off of Usual Suspects-

[35:45] I gotta say, the saddest thing about it is,

[35:48] I hadn't heard all the stories about this filming,

[35:51] but that makes me more concerned about Ian McKellen,

[35:54] Suri and McKellen.

[35:56] More concerned about what?

[35:57] Well, that Suri and McKellen would have been okay with it.

[36:00] I mean, who knows what-

[36:01] The thing is, he was not involved in those,

[36:02] he's also not involved in those scenes.

[36:03] Yeah, you're right.

[36:04] He may not have been aware of it until afterwards.

[36:05] But I just want Gandalf to step in and save the day,

[36:08] is what I'm saying.

[36:09] Yes, I understand.

[36:10] My guess is that Ian McKellen was not aware of those things

[36:12] until after the film was made,

[36:15] because he's not in any of those scenes.

[36:17] There was a scene where,

[36:18] that involved like a boy's locker room.

[36:19] He did keep working with Bryan Singer, though.

[36:22] That's true, he did star as Magneto, yeah.

[36:25] Anyway, we're getting away from the rating thing.

[36:26] And then he played Freddie Mercury, right?

[36:29] Yes, he did.

[36:31] Purely on the movie itself, and none of the other stuff,

[36:34] I'm going four.

[36:36] Oh, wow, I liked it more than that.

[36:37] Really, that low?

[36:38] I'm going to say a seven.

[36:40] On the movie itself, I would say a seven also, yeah.

[36:42] I mean, partly because Ian McKellen's performance

[36:44] is great in it.

[36:45] Yeah.

[36:46] That scene where the kid makes him wear the uniform,

[36:49] and he starts saluting and stomping his heels,

[36:53] and the kid's like, okay, stop, stop.

[36:55] And he won't stop doing it.

[36:56] That's a pretty intense scene.

[36:57] Yeah.

[36:58] But again, the man who made it's a monster, you know.

[37:01] No movie, even if it was a 10 out of 10,

[37:04] justifies mistreatment of the people making the movie.

[37:08] We have Dolores Claiborne next.

[37:12] Guys, I actually haven't seen Dolores Claiborne.

[37:14] Dolores Claiborne?

[37:15] This is the first in this batch that I have not seen at all.

[37:18] Wow, you know, Dolores Claiborne is,

[37:20] it's okay, it's pretty good, but it's not that amazing.

[37:23] You know, what do you think, Dan?

[37:24] It's like, it's a solid movie.

[37:26] Yeah, well, that's why I'm going to give it a five,

[37:28] but that's on the scale of like,

[37:30] we've already called the bad movies,

[37:32] and now this is just levels of good.

[37:35] Mm-hmm.

[37:36] I'm going to give it a six,

[37:38] because five still feels lowish to me.

[37:40] Okay.

[37:41] Next up is The Shawshank Redemption.

[37:44] This is a big one, guys.

[37:45] Even if, look, even if this is not your favorite movie

[37:47] or whatever, I still, it's still a really good movie.

[37:50] I'm going to give this a,

[37:53] on the scale of Stephen King movies, I'm giving it a 10.

[37:57] It is not a 10 movie compared to other greatest movies,

[38:00] but I think when it comes to Stephen King movies,

[38:02] I think this is, especially for a non-horror one,

[38:05] this is about as good as it gets.

[38:06] On some level, this movie is undeniable in that way.

[38:09] Like, this is a part of, it has become part of culture,

[38:12] and it has received a certain amount of backlash,

[38:15] not unlike, say, Forrest Gump, for instance.

[38:18] I would say it is less deserving of it than Forrest Gump.

[38:21] That's the thing, I think there's a,

[38:23] there was such a,

[38:25] I'm going to be a part of the backlash to the backlash,

[38:27] because I feel like, I think it's a really good movie.

[38:29] Does it deserve to be,

[38:30] for years, it was number one on the IMDb top 250 movies?

[38:34] Of course not, of course it doesn't.

[38:36] It's not even in the top,

[38:37] I don't think it would even be in the top 250 movies.

[38:39] It should just be in the top,

[38:41] like, top movie that a dad will stop if he sees it on TV,

[38:45] stand next to the couch, and watch the rest of the movie.

[38:48] I mean, it's the number one of those, for sure.

[38:50] I mean, like, I'm just going to,

[38:52] my feeling is like, it is the epitome of, like,

[38:55] really beautifully, solidly crafted,

[38:59] old-fashioned, like, a movie

[39:02] that's going to make you feel things,

[39:04] you're going to be engrossed by it,

[39:05] but it doesn't, it isn't, like,

[39:06] touched with genius or anything.

[39:08] No, I, well, I would say-

[39:08] So that's why I'm going to give it an eight.

[39:10] Okay, I think, I think that you can,

[39:12] I'm going to give it a 10,

[39:13] if only because I think even a movie that's,

[39:15] that is that craftsman-like and just does the job,

[39:18] is something that can be, can be wonderful, you know?

[39:20] But I think, but it's also me making a statement that,

[39:22] like, we don't have to shit on it

[39:25] because idiots think it's a great movie.

[39:27] Sometimes idiots are right, occasionally.

[39:29] Yeah.

[39:30] Yes, I would, I'm going to give it an eight as well,

[39:33] and part of that is because I feel like a lot of

[39:36] what makes this movie click,

[39:38] I feel like was kind of adopted from Stand By Me,

[39:44] that somebody, that the filmmakers were like,

[39:46] I want to take, like, Stephen King has latched onto this,

[39:49] I'm going to do basically the same thing,

[39:51] and I don't know.

[39:51] Yeah.

[39:52] Okay, still very high score on this one.

[39:56] We got the dark half.

[40:00] Timothee Uhten, Timothee Uhten, Timothee Uhten.

[40:01] StarCraft is like, it's like not as good as it should be.

[40:05] It's still pretty fun.

[40:07] It should be a better movie.

[40:09] I'm gonna give it a, I'm gonna give it a five.

[40:11] I'm giving it a four.

[40:12] Okay, I'm gonna give it a five also.

[40:14] Misery.

[40:16] We got Jimmy Kahn.

[40:18] We got Kathy Bates.

[40:20] I like Misery a lot.

[40:21] It never, like, clicked for me the way, like,

[40:24] some people really love Misery,

[40:26] so I'm gonna give it a seven, but I think it's-

[40:28] I think it's because you have never loved a creator

[40:32] so much that if you had them,

[40:34] you would capture them and chop their feet off.

[40:36] It's true, I have never felt that way.

[40:39] Must be nice.

[40:40] I'm gonna give it an eight.

[40:42] I think it's really good, but I wish it was a little,

[40:44] at times, I wish it was a little scarier, you know?

[40:47] But having been on both sides of that,

[40:50] having been a rabid fan and also having had people

[40:52] I cannot shake, I think it's really good,

[40:56] so I'm gonna call it an eight, so.

[40:58] What was your-

[40:59] I've seen Clouds from both sides now.

[41:00] Seven.

[41:01] Seven.

[41:02] I am also gonna give it a seven.

[41:04] Tales from the Dark Side, the movie!

[41:08] I don't think I ever saw this.

[41:09] I think I've only ever seen the TV show.

[41:11] I mean, only one section of it is a Stephen King thing.

[41:14] But that section does feature Buster Poindexter.

[41:17] True, and William Hickey.

[41:18] And William Hickey, two stars of the silver screen.

[41:22] They are classic stars.

[41:23] They are at that.

[41:24] I mean, and Buster Poindexter's also a star

[41:25] of the rock and roll stage, you know?

[41:27] Yeah, yeah.

[41:30] He was a hot, hot, hot star.

[41:32] A real New York doll.

[41:33] He's a real, he is literally a real New York doll.

[41:37] I remember our mutual friend, Devin Coleman,

[41:41] either tweeting or something about like,

[41:43] he was like, holy shit, I just learned

[41:45] Buster Poindexter was not a real person.

[41:51] I'm gonna give this one a four.

[41:52] I'm gonna give it a four, too.

[41:53] I like it a little bit more than that,

[41:56] but it's not really a Stephen King movie, I feel like.

[42:00] I do like Bill Hickey, though.

[42:01] I'll watch it if anything he's in,

[42:03] so maybe I'll have to watch it.

[42:04] And I like our college, our own friend, Bill Hickey.

[42:08] Yep, I mean, he's an adult now,

[42:10] but he went to college.

[42:13] I'm just saying how we know him.

[42:15] Not as much of an adult as William Hickey,

[42:17] the Bill Hickey, the actor, who was old since he was born.

[42:20] What's crazy about Bill Hickey,

[42:22] so he was only 70 when he died.

[42:24] He seemed like he was 85 years old for most of his life.

[42:27] Yes, yes.

[42:28] It's astonishing.

[42:29] Yeah.

[42:30] The raspiest man in Hollywood.

[42:32] Mm-hmm.

[42:34] Yeah, yeah, him and Tom Cruise, same type of guy, you know.

[42:38] Same age.

[42:39] Same age.

[42:40] Okay, so we got Pet Sematary.

[42:44] This movie, of course, was inspired

[42:46] by the hit song by the Ramones.

[42:49] That's indeed.

[42:50] Obviously, it was written for Pet Sematary, too, but.

[42:55] Well, there was a big rights battle

[42:57] between the Ramones and the Pet Sematary people,

[43:00] so they didn't settle it until the second movie.

[43:02] I'm not sure how good this movie is in certain ways,

[43:05] but in other ways, it is one of the most straight-up scary

[43:09] of the Stephen King movies, so I'm gonna give it a six.

[43:12] Yeah.

[43:13] I remember, as a kid, renting it

[43:15] and being viscerally horrified by large chunks of it.

[43:19] I think I'm also gonna give it a six, yeah.

[43:21] Six, six, six.

[43:22] Okay.

[43:23] Oh, no.

[43:24] The original, The Running Man,

[43:26] starring our boy, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[43:30] This is a movie, if you had asked me

[43:31] when I was a younger man, I would have been like, four,

[43:34] but now I really appreciate this kind of stuff much more,

[43:37] and I think I might give this one a seven, guys.

[43:41] Like, it is not amazing as an action movie.

[43:45] It's not amazing as a story,

[43:47] but it's the kind of satire that is hitting you

[43:49] so hard in the face that, like,

[43:50] it just gleefully being like, get it?

[43:53] You get the point we're making?

[43:54] You understand it, right?

[43:55] And I really appreciate that.

[43:56] Guys, I'm gonna give it an eight,

[43:57] if only because it has some of the craziest,

[44:01] dumbest one-liners.

[44:03] It's like, it's incredible.

[44:05] Like, it's almost like you couldn't replicate it,

[44:07] and clearly, Edgar Wright didn't.

[44:09] I kind of hate to be the spoiler here,

[44:12] but I cannot let this stand.

[44:13] I'm gonna give it a five.

[44:15] Ooh, okay.

[44:15] Cannot let it stand.

[44:16] It's a Joaquin reference.

[44:18] I think Richard Dawson's so fun in it.

[44:20] Yeah, he's great.

[44:20] The fact, the idea that Arnold Schwarzenegger

[44:22] is the everyman who's caught up in the situation,

[44:25] you're just mad that it doesn't have

[44:27] the original ending from the book,

[44:28] where he, at one point, he has to make his way

[44:31] up to a cockpit of a plane,

[44:32] but his intestines are hanging out,

[44:33] and they get snagged on the seats as he's walking.

[44:35] Yeah, pretty great.

[44:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[44:37] It's pretty great.

[44:38] Do they do that in the new one, or no?

[44:39] They get closer to it, but.

[44:40] Yeah, they get closer to it,

[44:42] but it's enough where you're like, come on, guys.

[44:44] Yeah, let's go all the way.

[44:45] You know, Werner Herzog was watching,

[44:47] was like, you are a coward.

[44:48] What is the point of making an adaptation

[44:52] of The Running Man without having his guts hanging out

[44:56] and being snagged on by the airplane seat?

[44:57] That's being very Scottish as you go along.

[44:59] Guys, speaking of Werner Herzog.

[45:01] Ach, it's me, Werner Herzog.

[45:02] Guys, speaking of Werner Herzog,

[45:04] I keep seeing the ads for the new Star Wars movie,

[45:06] The Mandalorian, Grogu.

[45:08] Who the fuck's Grogu?

[45:09] He's always hanging out with Baby Yoda.

[45:11] Why isn't Baby Yoda in the title?

[45:13] Oh, Stuart.

[45:14] Stuart.

[45:15] Oh, Stuart.

[45:15] I feel like that is the true cowardice

[45:17] of the Star Wars universe,

[45:18] is they weren't just like, let's just call him Baby Yoda.

[45:21] If they called him Baby Yoda, I'd be like, right there.

[45:26] I know that's not his fucking name,

[45:28] but his name should be Baby Yoda.

[45:29] It's funny.

[45:30] It would be way funnier.

[45:32] You're right, instead of the more dignified Grogu.

[45:35] Thank you.

[45:36] Okay.

[45:37] For a while, I thought it was called

[45:38] The Mandalorian and Gogurt, so.

[45:40] And I was like, oh, and when you're wearing a helmet,

[45:42] you gotta be able to squeeze something through the slot.

[45:43] And if anyone ever calls Baby Yoda the child,

[45:46] I immediately stop paying attention to them.

[45:48] They have lost all credibility in my eyes.

[45:53] Okay, so we have Creepshow 2, guys.

[45:55] I gotta say I'm giving it a nine.

[45:57] What?

[45:58] Okay, well.

[45:59] No, I'll give it an eight, Dan.

[46:00] I know that the first section sucks.

[46:03] Yeah, the one with the drugstore.

[46:06] Yes, I know that sucks.

[46:09] But the raft is good, and again,

[46:13] my mom insisted that I watch this movie.

[46:16] She's like, this last section with the hitchhiker

[46:19] is so funny, and I watched it.

[46:21] I can't even remember it.

[46:22] What happens?

[46:23] It's like a woman is racing home

[46:25] after cheating on her husband,

[46:26] and she hits a homeless guy on the road,

[46:32] and then she leaves him, and then she keeps driving,

[46:37] and then he shows up again.

[46:38] She hits him again, and he keeps haunting her,

[46:41] and he keeps saying, thanks for the ride, lady,

[46:43] and my mom is like, that's so funny,

[46:45] and I'm watching it as a kid.

[46:46] I'm like, this is the worst thing I've ever seen, mom.

[46:48] Why do you make me watch this?

[46:50] Well, I love how much you,

[46:52] it's a treasured memory of your mother,

[46:54] but other than the raft, nothing is memorable

[46:57] about this movie to me, so I'm gonna give it a four.

[46:59] Okay.

[47:00] I'm gonna give it a three.

[47:01] Ooh, wow, okay, well, it's still hanging in there.

[47:03] It's still above Tales from the Dark Side, the movie.

[47:06] Just because there's beef between me and Stewart's mom.

[47:08] Yeah, that's fine.

[47:09] Shelly knows what she did.

[47:12] Okay, next is, here's a big one, Stand By Me,

[47:15] which I recently re-watched when Rob Ryan was-

[47:17] How did it hold up on re-watch?

[47:18] Because I haven't watched this in years.

[47:20] I haven't seen it in a long time.

[47:21] It's really good.

[47:22] Okay.

[47:23] Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't have made the connection,

[47:26] but this, for me, is hitting the Stephen King note

[47:29] that Shawshank comes very, very close to,

[47:32] but doesn't quite do as well for me.

[47:35] I would give this a nine.

[47:37] I like this one a lot.

[47:38] I'm gonna give it a, you know what?

[47:39] I haven't watched it in years.

[47:40] I'm gonna give it a 10 also,

[47:42] because it was such a big movie for me and my family

[47:45] when I was a kid.

[47:46] We watched it all the time,

[47:47] and it was like watching a movie

[47:48] that felt like it was for a kid,

[47:52] but it felt like the movie equivalent of the kid saying,

[47:55] do you wanna go see a dead body at the train tracks?

[47:57] Yeah. Come with me.

[47:58] I'm gonna show you something adults don't want you to see,

[48:00] but it's still, it's a rite of passage.

[48:01] So, you know, I'll give it a 10 also.

[48:03] I'll be generous.

[48:03] I'm being generous in this episode.

[48:04] Yeah, I'm gonna give this one a nine,

[48:06] because it's exactly,

[48:09] I think you put it perfectly into words, Ali.

[48:11] It is this feeling of like,

[48:12] this is a story for kids that is adult in a lot of ways,

[48:17] not the least of which is that it doesn't have

[48:19] some kind of clear, like, perfect resolution.

[48:23] Yeah, there's no, yeah, there's,

[48:24] I remember watching it and being like,

[48:25] I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be feeling

[48:28] about what happened with those kids or what they learned.

[48:31] And also, I don't think I've ever fully understood

[48:32] the meaning of the whole barf story,

[48:34] but I love it.

[48:35] Come on, they're all throwing up all over each other.

[48:36] Come on.

[48:37] The, and the, it really captures one of the things

[48:42] that I like about Stephen King's stories,

[48:43] which is that teenagers are terrifying.

[48:47] Like teenagers, mainly teenage boys are like sociopaths

[48:51] that like, I'm gonna push us through this round

[48:54] because we have another recording coming up that-

[48:57] Okay, we're almost done.

[48:58] We only have a few left.

[48:59] I will just say one last thing about it is that

[49:00] in Dreamcatcher, there's that scene where they're teens

[49:02] and they like go up against those teen bullies.

[49:04] And I'm like, this all feels so fake

[49:06] and stand by me, you're right, Stuart.

[49:07] It has that kind of scene, but it feels real.

[49:09] Like, it feels dangerous.

[49:10] Like, these kids are in trouble.

[49:11] Because it's got Kiefer in it.

[49:14] We got Christine, Christine, Dan.

[49:18] Five.

[49:19] Yeah, I'm gonna give it a five also.

[49:21] I've actually never seen Christine.

[49:22] Wow.

[49:24] The Dead Zone.

[49:26] Oh, man.

[49:27] This is-

[49:28] Mainly what I like about it is that it is predicted

[49:30] that a presidential candidate, if he's shitty enough,

[49:33] will not get elected.

[49:35] Yeah, and will then kill himself.

[49:37] Yeah, out of shame.

[49:39] This is a 10 for me.

[49:40] He does hold up a baby to block an assassin's bullet.

[49:43] So, I mean, it's pretty bad what he did.

[49:46] Yeah, I'm gonna give that a 10 also.

[49:49] If you're gonna ask me again,

[49:50] against all movies in the world-

[49:51] I'm giving it a nine, it's really good.

[49:52] Against all movies in the world,

[49:54] I'd probably give it an eight.

[49:55] Okay.

[49:56] But against Stephen King movies, it gets a 10.

[49:57] Original Creep Show.

[50:00] Uh, not entirely consistent, like, and like, it has its, it's, it's flaws, but it's so

[50:08] such a loving homage to what it is.

[50:11] I'm going to give it an eight.

[50:13] I'm going to give it, I think, a six.

[50:15] I've never really liked it that much.

[50:17] I'm giving it an eight.

[50:18] I agree with Dan that I love, it's such a clear, loving homage to that sort of thing.

[50:23] Um, and I love the little animated comic book pages and shit.

[50:28] Sure.

[50:29] Uh, okay.

[50:30] The Shining.

[50:31] Uh.

[50:32] One.

[50:33] Just kidding.

[50:34] Wow.

[50:35] I'm going to give that a, uh, I'm going to give that a 10 also.

[50:38] That's a super scary movie.

[50:39] That's one of the few movies on this list where I'm like, oh, I find it genuinely frightening

[50:43] when I watch it.

[50:44] Yeah.

[50:45] Like, I'm actually scared by it.

[50:46] I'll give it a 10 as well.

[50:47] I'm not going to be.

[50:48] Most Stephen King movies, I'm like, that's all right.

[50:49] It's getting tens across the board.

[50:50] Tens.

[50:51] Tens across the board.

[50:53] We don't have to be iconoclasts.

[50:54] Yeah.

[50:55] It's okay for us to say that the Stanley Kubrick movie is a great movie.

[50:58] Yeah.

[50:59] Like we don't have to be the guys who are like, actually, it's not that good.

[51:01] And finally we have Carrie, uh, just a notch below for me.

[51:06] Yeah.

[51:07] It's a nine.

[51:08] Like it doesn't, I mean, I think this is maybe just like the story rather than other than

[51:14] the iconic, uh, ending.

[51:16] There's nothing in it that like really scares me, but it's so like sweeping and well-made.

[51:22] Yeah.

[51:23] I'm going to give it a nine just cause I think it, I think it is on purpose, but the middle

[51:26] section of that movie, you could call high school memories and just run it as it is.

[51:30] But uh, it is, and it goes on a little long for me, but it's, it's the, the scare scenes

[51:35] especially work so well.

[51:36] And that ending scene, I know exactly what's going to happen.

[51:38] And I jump every time.

[51:39] Cause he takes so long for her arm to come out of that grave that I'm like, I know it's

[51:44] going to happen.

[51:45] It's going to happen now.

[51:46] Oh, it didn't happen yet.

[51:47] Oh, it just happened.

[51:48] Yeah.

[51:49] And that's like, it's, uh, it's like the gold standard for that.

[51:51] Yes.

[51:52] Yes.

[51:53] I got to give it a nine for that exact same reason.

[51:55] Okay.

[51:56] So that's it.

[51:57] We, we got our, we got our top 10.

[51:58] Uh, I'm going to read them in descending order because I don't want to try and mess around

[52:04] here.

[52:05] So our number one here, we wouldn't want to mess around and put them in ascending order.

[52:08] I just can't like, I don't make me do math, extra math here.

[52:13] Um, okay.

[52:14] Uh, so our number one is the shining.

[52:17] Of course.

[52:18] It's great.

[52:19] Um, Dan, our second place is, uh, the dead zone.

[52:25] No huge surprise.

[52:26] Good.

[52:27] Now third is standby.

[52:28] Me.

[52:29] Yep.

[52:30] Again, no surprises on the list.

[52:31] Scariest of the movies being a kid because it could happen.

[52:35] Uh, Carrie is number four.

[52:38] Uh, we go down to Shawshank at number five, kind of a surprise that it's so low, but that's

[52:44] still a very, a very respectable place.

[52:47] But that top four, that top four is a pretty, it's a pretty strong top four is out of what?

[52:52] 80 movies.

[52:54] Yeah.

[52:55] This is in the top five, like 75 or 80 movies.

[52:58] Yeah.

[52:59] Uh, we have a tie for sixth place.

[53:01] Um, and I'm going to say, yeah, I think it's an even Stephen tie is, uh, misery and creep

[53:09] show both at six.

[53:12] Very similar movies.

[53:13] Yeah.

[53:14] It's all about writing.

[53:15] Um, so eighth place would then be storytelling.

[53:20] Yep.

[53:21] So eighth place would be down to, it looks like we have another tie between the running

[53:26] man and Gerald's game.

[53:28] Wow.

[53:29] Much higher than I expected for both of them.

[53:31] Yes.

[53:32] But they're both, I think they're both very strong additions to the catalog.

[53:35] And once you see how much crap is in the Stephen King adaptation of filmography, you get less

[53:41] surprised.

[53:42] Yeah.

[53:43] And then weirdly enough.

[53:44] How many children's of the corn there are.

[53:46] Um, and then it looks like this one kind of, this one kind of, this one's kind of enough

[53:53] kids, right?

[53:54] This one's a, a recent addition that is, uh, that is brought up largely is exclusively because

[54:00] of Dan and Stuart.

[54:01] Cause Elliot hasn't seen it is the monkey, the movie that many was not particularly well

[54:07] liked, but yeah, I was with Stuart.

[54:11] It was like his birthday.

[54:12] It was my birthday movie.

[54:14] We were, as Stuart likes to say, hootin' and hollerin'.

[54:16] And I imagine Dan that you walked out of the movie and turned to Stuart and you said, that

[54:19] was Osgood Perkins.

[54:21] Well, the thing is, I think he, Dan said that.

[54:24] And I w I was again, ancient and ancient.

[54:27] Uh, but the, the thing about, the thing about, uh, Osgood Perkins movies is that I feel like

[54:33] all of his movies, you have to accept that it's operating on some level of like kind

[54:38] of dream logic.

[54:40] And I feel like by leaning into the, like the wackiness it, uh, and the like dark comedy

[54:47] of it, I think it, it really worked for me.

[54:50] Also, any movie, any way that they make Theo and James not like, they expressly try to

[54:56] make him not sexy.

[54:57] I found very funny because he's a very sexy man.

[55:00] I've got to watch it.

[55:01] Only Osgood Perkins movie I've seen is long legs, which I thought was okay.

[55:06] But again, operates like, I think it works best when you're like, it's like, this is,

[55:10] does this make sense?

[55:11] Okay.

[55:12] So that was lovely guys.

[55:13] Uh, so we have crowned a winner in our Stephen King.

[55:18] Wow.

[55:19] Uh, top 10, of course that is Stanley Kruber.

[55:22] It's the shining.

[55:23] And again, let us let you know that, um, uh, under no circumstance, no movie, no movie

[55:28] is so good that it'll, it encourages you to mistreat your cast and or crew.

[55:33] I mean, that's true.

[55:34] We, we talked about that with that pupil.

[55:35] The shining was another example of, of mistreatment of cast.

[55:38] That's true.

[55:39] You know, that's something we shouldn't, that we shouldn't gloss over, but you're right.

[55:42] It does not justify the movie being so scary.

[55:44] Does not justify Shelley Duvall being treated horribly on the set of that movie.

[55:48] But by most accounts, right?

[55:49] Yeah.

[55:50] Yeah.

[55:51] Um, okay.

[55:52] So that was, uh, that was a mini for the flop house.

[55:55] We, uh, this, um, uh, show on max fun.

[55:57] Thank you so much for supporting us.

[55:59] And if you want to listen to great shows, likes Matt, like this one, you can go over

[56:03] to maximum fun.org.

[56:04] And, uh, the show has been produced and edited lovingly by Howell Dottie, AK Alex Smith.

[56:11] Uh, he's the best.

[56:13] And for the flop house, I've been Stuart Wellington.

[56:15] I've been Dan McCoy.

[56:17] I've been Elliot Spooky Kalen.

[56:19] Is that guy, does that work as my new nickname for it's not Halloween.

[56:22] How about Elliot Kingland?

[56:24] This is Elliot King.

[56:26] Uh, joining you.

[56:30] Stuart Langleirsington.

[56:32] Yup.

[56:33] And Daniel Kinger McCoy.

[56:35] Uh-huh.

[56:36] Oh, okay.

[56:37] Or Daniel McKing.

[56:38] It's Daniel McCuju.

[56:40] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[56:41] That's what it is.

[56:42] All right.

[56:43] Bye.

[56:44] Bye.

[56:49] Uh, how are my levels?

[56:50] I'm sitting slightly further away.

[56:52] No, I, I, I cranked you up a little bit to, I hope, compensate.

[56:55] Yanked his crank.

[56:56] I'll put it up just a hair more too.

[56:58] I've been, hey, now that I'm married, I'd love to get my crank a yanked.

[57:03] It's a little Rodney Dangerfield.

[57:04] Just yanked?

[57:05] Just a little.

[57:06] That's like a teeny little yank.

[57:07] Yeah, that's Rodney Dangerish.

[57:08] I mean, it ain't, it ain't higher.

[57:10] That's Rodney Caution.

[57:12] Yeah.

[57:13] Now that I'm married, I want a hand job.

[57:15] More of a danger patch.

[57:17] Now that I'm married, I'd like somebody to be nice to me for a change.

[57:21] Hey, being married, I don't get a lot of affection or sex from my wife.

[57:26] Rodney, no subtext.

[57:27] Dangerfield.

[57:30] Okay, guys.

[57:31] Hey, I get no respect.

[57:32] People don't respect me.

[57:33] I have a deficit of respect.

[57:35] My actions are not met with approbation or dignity.

[57:40] Wow, he's very well spoken at this point in his career.

[57:42] This is, this is, this is Rodney Samuel Johnson.

[57:45] This is after he went back to school.

[57:47] He did go back to school.

[57:51] Hey, I got slightly more respect ever since I got my degree.

[57:55] Too bad we don't have outtakes on these ones.

[57:57] You could put one in, Alex.

[57:58] If you want.

[58:01] Stick it on the other thing.

[58:04] Stick it on the other thing.

[58:05] I asked my wife what I should do.

[58:07] She said, stick it on the other thing.

[58:12] Maximum fun.

[58:13] A worker-owned network.

[58:14] Of artist-owned shows.

[58:16] Supported directly by you.

FH Mini #150 - Best Stephen King Movies

Transcript

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