Bride Hard

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Bride Hard, the movie that inspired Bruce Willis' Die Hard.

[0:31] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:38] Hello, I'm Elliot Kaelin, and we did it. We have successfully said all of our names without anything going wrong.

[0:44] No bits. No bobs. Go home.

[0:46] Yep, no bobbles, yeah.

[0:48] Um, this is, in case you're wondering, you've found yourself listening to this in a panic.

[0:54] Steer back, Dan, steer back.

[0:55] What's happening?

[0:56] Steer back, you're turning into a bit.

[0:57] What is happening?

[0:58] Just do what you need to do.

[1:00] I'm here to guide you.

[1:01] It's still pre-January, Dan. Let's go on.

[1:04] No, that would be terrible for our show. I'm here to guide you.

[1:07] This is a podcast. It is about movies that were critical or commercial flops.

[1:13] Does this one count as one of those? You'll find out, and the answer is yes.

[1:16] And we discuss it. We provide our take, but mostly we just hang out.

[1:21] And that's the show, the Flophouse.

[1:24] Okay, see you later.

[1:25] BG.

[1:26] BG?

[1:27] Hardly.

[1:28] We swear a lot.

[1:29] Whoa.

[1:30] We do swear a lot.

[1:31] Standards have slipped quite a bit.

[1:32] This is like an 80s PG.

[1:33] It's like a 70s PG, or at any moment something hardcore might slip in at the last moment.

[1:37] Standards have slipped, but they've completely changed.

[1:40] People are so prudish these days.

[1:42] I can't even talk about my horny adventures anymore.

[1:46] No.

[1:47] Well, certainly your Disney afternoon show, Stuart's Horny Adventures, was canceled pretty quickly.

[1:51] Which was a spinoff of Discovery Quest.

[1:54] Discovery Quest, yeah.

[1:55] That's a joke for anyone who was here before the episode started.

[1:58] Yeah.

[1:59] You guys.

[2:00] Spying on us.

[2:01] So let's get into this.

[2:04] Tonight we are talking about a little movie called Bridehardt.

[2:08] A very little movie.

[2:09] Yeah.

[2:10] A very tiny movie.

[2:11] Yeah.

[2:12] Directed by Simon West, one of Dan's favorite action movie directors.

[2:16] Straight to Hulu.

[2:17] Well, he did make Con Air.

[2:19] Straight to Hulu?

[2:20] Lou.

[2:21] My Uncle Lou, yeah.

[2:22] I am very fond of Con Air.

[2:24] It's not good in the traditional sense.

[2:27] Only because you thought it was a movie based on the hair dryer brand of the same name.

[2:31] And you were like, finally, a story for me.

[2:33] A story of a hair dryer.

[2:35] That's a very, very silly movie that I enjoy the high concept of.

[2:40] And the cavalcade of great characters.

[2:42] And of course, Nicolas Cage.

[2:44] Letting the wind blow through his hair.

[2:46] That's the thing.

[2:47] You make that joke about hair dryers.

[2:48] But that's the most famous shot of the movie.

[2:50] That's true.

[2:51] A wind blowing through his hair.

[2:52] I will say, that is a very fun, dumb movie.

[2:55] I do not love that we are supposed to take the freedom of Steve Buscemi's serial killer character at the end.

[3:02] Child murder.

[3:03] Child murder.

[3:04] As like a hilarious bit.

[3:05] I don't love that section.

[3:06] Wow, yeah.

[3:07] Didn't realize LA was coming down in favor of a carceral state.

[3:10] Well, they tell a story about him riding around wearing a kid's head as a hat.

[3:15] And there's the whole sequence where he's...

[3:18] Maybe the kid was a real drip.

[3:20] Yeah, that's a fair point.

[3:21] Maybe he was a drip.

[3:22] We didn't hear his side of the story.

[3:24] The kid's or Steve Buscemi's?

[3:25] Steve Buscemi.

[3:26] Because we didn't hear neither, yeah.

[3:27] Because there's that sequence where you're supposed to be in suspense over whether he's about to murder a little girl or not.

[3:33] I don't love that sequence.

[3:34] But otherwise...

[3:35] No, no.

[3:36] It's totally far out of place.

[3:38] I like Steve Buscemi so much, but I don't love that the guy's like...

[3:42] They're like, he's the worst, most horrible child murderer ever.

[3:45] And at the end, he's like, I'm just gambling in Las Vegas.

[3:47] Everybody, this is great.

[3:49] But he made Simon West also Tomb Raider, the first Tomb Raider.

[3:55] He made The General's Daughter.

[3:57] So clearly the guy to go to for all wacky comedy.

[4:02] He does action.

[4:03] He's an action guy.

[4:04] He's an action guy.

[4:05] And this is not just a comedy.

[4:06] It's an action comedy.

[4:07] Is this where we have any competently shot action?

[4:09] No.

[4:10] Yeah, that's the problem.

[4:11] There is.

[4:12] This is spoiling a little bit.

[4:13] There is some background and gunfire special effects that are so goofy in this.

[4:21] That it looks like a homemade comedy video from like 10, 15 years ago.

[4:28] When people were just starting getting their hands on like somewhat professional special effects.

[4:31] They're like, Neil Breen, come in and do our effects, please.

[4:33] Like if this was a Funny or Die video from like 15 years ago, I'd be like, these effects look pretty good.

[4:38] But for a movie in 2025, now it's 2026.

[4:41] Yeah.

[4:42] Not so much.

[4:43] Yeah.

[4:44] And it may be too early in the show to take sort of a broad picture look at Breithard.

[4:50] But as many people have pointed out, I'm sure, in their reviews.

[4:56] Like the thing about Die Hard is.

[4:58] It's good.

[4:59] You have just like a regular cop who should be like overmatched by the situation.

[5:07] Plunged into this hostage situation where this is a movie about like a super spy who you're never worried about whether she can do any of the stuff.

[5:16] Yes.

[5:17] And also on top of that, to piggyback on that, the whole movie, the opening, which is very abrupt, is setting up the idea that she's having a hard time being a bridesmaid because of her spy life getting in the way.

[5:28] Let's get into this.

[5:30] So I kept assuming that it was because of her spy life that something terrible would happen at the wedding.

[5:35] Totally unrelated.

[5:36] Unrelated.

[5:37] She just happens to be a spy at a wedding that happens to be attacked.

[5:41] The pun Breithard.

[5:43] Like bride doesn't sound enough like die to make it worth the comparison to a movie that doesn't really apply here.

[5:50] It should have been bride or die.

[5:52] Bride or die would have been better.

[5:54] But also they clearly want it to seem like bridesmaids.

[5:57] So what would be your pun on bridesmaids if it was a spy movie?

[6:01] Bride slays.

[6:03] Dies maids.

[6:05] All right.

[6:06] You know what?

[6:07] Maybe they chose the right title.

[6:08] I can't think of anything.

[6:09] OK.

[6:10] Movie opens with an impromptu bachelorette party in Paris.

[6:15] We meet our bridesmaids.

[6:17] We have Sam, the maid of honor, played by Rebel Wilson.

[6:20] She is the organizer.

[6:22] She had to change things last minute due to a work obligation.

[6:26] And she changed it to everyone's doing this in Paris, which is wild.

[6:31] Like everyone was like, yes, at the last minute we will go to Paris.

[6:36] We do find out that they're all incredibly wealthy.

[6:39] I mean this is a movie made now.

[6:41] So all the characters are incredibly wealthy.

[6:42] Yeah.

[6:43] Yeah.

[6:44] We have Betsy, the bride, played by Anna Camp.

[6:46] So we get a little bit of a pitch perfect reunion.

[6:50] Virginia, the sister-in-law, played by Anna Kolomsky, who again, we got a lot of pros here.

[6:55] I love her.

[6:57] And she does.

[6:58] She is not served by this movie at all.

[7:00] No.

[7:01] And Lydia and Zoe, who are the tag along friends, who are just kind of along for the ride.

[7:07] And, you know, they get a little bit of character stuff.

[7:09] And that is, of course, Divine Joy Randolph, always lovely and an actress who I don't particularly recognize.

[7:16] No, I don't recognize her either.

[7:17] I will say that.

[7:18] That's Gigi Zimbardo, but I don't know her from stuff.

[7:20] I just know her from – she's from the TV shows.

[7:22] To skip ahead, Divine is like the one person who I think kind of makes her material work.

[7:27] Her material is not good, but she sells it so much harder than anyone.

[7:31] A lot of it is people making a lot of effort trying to sell what little they're given.

[7:36] I think Divine Joy Randolph has the highest hit rate.

[7:38] I think Anna Kolomsky tries her best.

[7:40] She's trying really hard.

[7:42] I think Anna Camp is trying really hard.

[7:44] I think Anna Camp actually does a pretty good job.

[7:46] I think she does a good job.

[7:47] I actually – I'm not super – I never saw the Pitch Perfect movies.

[7:49] I haven't seen her other stuff, and I came away from this really liking Anna Camp as a performer.

[7:53] And Rebel Wilson does a lot of like her thing that's also a little bit like a Melissa McCarthy thing where they are both performers who walk into a scene.

[8:04] They're like, I'm just going to riff a bunch kind of under my breath and hope that like Rodney Dangerfield-style laughs will occur.

[8:13] And it's going to be cut in such a way that it's clear that it's like I tried a few different lines, and then we put in all of them.

[8:19] But unfortunately, this movie is in the hands of Simon West, a director who doesn't seem to really understand comic timing.

[8:25] So a lot of it is not cut together very – it feels – a lot of it felt very unfriendly to Rebel Wilson.

[8:32] Knowing nothing about the making of this movie, my guess is that this movie was put together very quickly.

[8:38] Yeah.

[8:39] It feels like a movie that was thrown together.

[8:41] I know that looking up just a little bit, this is one of the movies that received a SAG-AFTRA waiver during the strike a couple years ago when it was being made.

[8:51] So my guess is that this was a movie that was made a little bit – no pun intended because it's a spy action movie under the gun.

[8:57] OK.

[8:58] Well, I know – like there's a – I have a friend of a –

[9:00] Guys, I intended that pun.

[9:01] I got to come clean.

[9:02] I intended that pun.

[9:03] That pun was not unintended.

[9:04] Yeah.

[9:05] It was very much tended.

[9:06] It was attended by all of us unfortunately.

[9:09] A friend of a friend has a story by credit but does not have a screenplay credit which suggests to me that like a lot of modern movies, this went through a lot of changes along the way.

[9:20] Yeah.

[9:21] OK.

[9:22] So they –

[9:23] It's just like that song.

[9:24] Time can change bright hard but I can't change bright hard.

[9:27] Right?

[9:28] That's how the song goes.

[9:29] No, because we're not associated with production.

[9:30] No, that's true.

[9:31] That's also in the song.

[9:32] Yeah.

[9:34] The bachelorette party happens to be in Paris because we learn that Sam is actually a secret agent.

[9:41] Uh-oh.

[9:42] Stuart, I want to – I hate to stop you because we're only a second into the movie but can you please describe to us how these characters are introduced to us because this is a movie that – one of the things I found so disorienting was it feels like the first 10 to 15 minutes of the movie were just chopped off.

[9:55] We're introduced – the characters are just walking through Paris.

[9:58] How do we learn who they are and what they do?

[10:00] Well, we get images of them walking through the streets with little, like, name chyrons,

[10:05] right?

[10:06] Like, little name plates.

[10:07] Yes.

[10:08] Mm-hmm.

[10:09] Just saying who they are and what their role is.

[10:12] Right.

[10:13] Made of honor.

[10:14] Yeah.

[10:15] Yeah.

[10:16] Friend.

[10:17] And then it's like, and right off the bat, it's like, okay, we're doing this thing.

[10:18] And Sam's like, I gotta go.

[10:19] And I was like, wait a minute.

[10:20] I don't know.

[10:21] I don't.

[10:22] It wasn't really enough to get me.

[10:23] Yeah.

[10:24] I don't understand who these characters are.

[10:25] How they know each other.

[10:26] Technically, the movie opens with the opening credit sequence, which is a lot of shots of

[10:29] two little blonde girls playing with, like, I don't know, like, a soulmate by Lizzo playing

[10:35] or something.

[10:36] Yeah.

[10:37] And that's how you know that they're best friends.

[10:38] Which.

[10:39] And that is the emotional rock that the rest of the movie will rely on.

[10:41] I have a question, guys.

[10:43] So we learned that Anna Camp's character and Rebel Wilson's character were best friends

[10:48] since they were very, very young.

[10:49] Yeah.

[10:50] Yeah.

[10:51] Now, at what point did Rebel Wilson's character develop a very thick Australian accent?

[10:54] This is a question that I was also wondering, and I'm like, maybe her parents are Australian

[11:00] and that's why she has it.

[11:01] But maybe she went to college in Australia and she just never shook the act like she

[11:04] came home with one.

[11:05] Sure.

[11:06] Yeah.

[11:07] But it is a.

[11:08] You would think that a secret agent would want to blend in, learn to blend in better.

[11:12] That's true.

[11:13] She blends in very poorly.

[11:14] But I guess Australians are the, like, most everybody's favorite tourists for some reason.

[11:20] I've heard that various graphics show that Australians are people's preferred scene.

[11:25] Jolly.

[11:26] You know.

[11:27] Yeah.

[11:28] Like Santa Claus, the original Australian.

[11:29] That's right.

[11:30] Some presents.

[11:31] Oh, yeah.

[11:32] Oh, my tongue.

[11:33] Get down the chimney.

[11:34] Out of it.

[11:35] Pulls it out of his kangaroo.

[11:36] Oh, it's a polar bear.

[11:37] It's quite dangerous.

[11:38] Don't don't play with it.

[11:39] Oh, it's fine.

[11:40] This the sleigh that's that's pulled by seven kangaroos or whatever.

[11:41] Yeah.

[11:42] I apologize for my half hearted.

[11:43] Terrible.

[11:44] Yeah.

[11:45] Throw yourself into your terrible accent.

[11:46] Like I am.

[11:47] The thing is, we have never had bad accents.

[11:48] No, never.

[11:49] Okay.

[11:50] It tells me who's nice and who's not a Rooney.

[11:51] Okay.

[11:52] Well, that's a little cockney.

[11:53] Yeah, that's true.

[11:54] My Australian nose becomes cockney.

[11:55] Yeah.

[11:56] So Sam has to sneak away from the festivities that she organized because it turns out that

[11:57] their intel was wrong.

[11:58] And the mission that she had to accomplish was to find a way out of this mess.

[11:59] Yeah.

[12:00] Yeah.

[12:01] Yeah.

[12:02] Yeah.

[12:03] Yeah.

[12:04] Yeah.

[12:05] Yeah.

[12:06] Yeah.

[12:07] Yeah.

[12:08] Yeah.

[12:09] Yeah.

[12:10] Yeah.

[12:11] Yeah.

[12:12] Yeah.

[12:13] Yeah.

[12:14] Yeah.

[12:15] Yeah.

[12:16] The mission that she asked to be part of is actually happening that night instead of

[12:17] the next night.

[12:18] And then we also learned that that mission, it's not a prototype.

[12:20] It's actually the actual, like what chemical weapon that they're supposed to be observing.

[12:26] It's really weird because as soon as she sees it's a chemical weapon, she goes into action

[12:31] mode and the rest of her teams like, no, don't do that.

[12:34] And I'm like then why the fuck did he bring action agent along if it's just watching you

[12:39] have a drone guy.

[12:40] She is consistently a bad secret agent in the way that movie secret agents are aware

[12:46] a real secret agent.

[12:48] Just today we had the news that our government has gone into a foreign country and kidnapped

[12:53] the leader of that foreign country.

[12:54] And that was done partly because we sent in CIA agents to like gather information about

[12:58] where that that foreign leader would be.

[13:01] The secret agents did not decide, get it suddenly get on a motorcycle.

[13:04] We got to start blasting.

[13:06] But secret agents in movies, they're never very good at secrets.

[13:09] It's the old thing about like James Bond is a secret agent who constantly tells his

[13:12] name to people.

[13:14] So but she they're like, he's got a real biological weapon with him.

[13:18] Let's be careful.

[13:19] And she's like, no, just going to start shooting and hitting, you know, chasing after.

[13:23] This whole sequence ends up not really having any effect on the rest of the movie, other

[13:28] than the fact that by going to going to do her job.

[13:32] It makes her friend.

[13:36] What's her name?

[13:37] Betsy.

[13:38] Remove her from her bridal party.

[13:40] She is no longer made of honor as she's let everybody down.

[13:45] She's not made of honor, either.

[13:46] Like Patrick Dempsey was.

[13:48] No.

[13:49] That's true.

[13:50] Yeah.

[13:51] Literally.

[13:52] From honor discarded.

[13:53] That's you know, like that's a talent that the US used to have.

[13:55] But we've forgotten how to do it in this age of AI, how to make a man of honor.

[13:59] Also, we lost the notes of Dr. Victor Frankenstein, who's the guy who discovered how to do that.

[14:05] Frankenstein to how the STC's for the men of iron in the 41st millennium are now long

[14:11] lost and the few that remain are relics.

[14:13] OK, so it's exactly like that.

[14:16] So she's now the maid of dishonor, which means that she has to wear brambles and seaweed

[14:21] to the wedding.

[14:22] Like a Krampus.

[14:23] Exactly.

[14:24] Exactly.

[14:25] Exactly.

[14:26] And if anyone misbehaves at the wedding, it's her bad Krampus.

[14:28] It's her job to pull them away and put them into wedding jail.

[14:31] She is.

[14:32] She is a burst in at the objections thing and do a Mrs. Rochester moment.

[14:38] Burn the house down.

[14:40] OK, so after this mission, so here's here's a joke nobody's going to like or care about.

[14:47] It's for an audience.

[14:48] Only me.

[14:49] Great.

[14:50] What if on the Jack Benny show, Rochester's wife was Mrs. Rochester from Jane Eyre?

[14:53] So it's like Rochester, bring the car around and Rochester's like, I can't boss.

[14:57] My wife is trying to get out of the attic.

[15:04] I mean, what has there been a has there been like a modern retelling of her story from

[15:09] her point of view?

[15:10] Yes.

[15:11] There's a book called The White Sargasso Sea, I think it is, which is just from her point

[15:14] of view.

[15:15] Oh, Elliot, that joke was for me as well.

[15:19] And I have to commend you on a pretty good Jack Benny.

[15:21] Thank you.

[15:22] Thanks.

[15:23] So, you know what?

[15:24] I'm wrong.

[15:25] White Sargasso Sea.

[15:26] That's an older book.

[15:27] That's from 1966.

[15:28] I thought it was from the 80s.

[15:29] It's still more modern than Jane Eyre.

[15:30] Probably because there was that like movie adaptation around that time, I think.

[15:36] OK.

[15:37] Was there?

[15:38] It was called White Sargasso Sea.

[15:39] Oh, yeah.

[15:40] Yeah.

[15:41] It was in the late 80s, early 90s.

[15:42] Speaking of, are you guys excited about that new Wuthering Heights movie that's coming

[15:45] out?

[15:46] The Emerald Fennel.

[15:47] Yeah, Emerald Fennel has a pretty good hit rate, right?

[15:52] I don't mind.

[15:54] I mean, I like her movies as like fun trash.

[15:57] Yeah.

[15:58] Like, I think the I think the problem is like somehow the world got the idea in their head

[16:03] that they were supposed to be important movies or something.

[16:07] And they're not.

[16:08] And not kind of weirdo rich people exploitation trash.

[16:11] Yeah.

[16:12] Yeah.

[16:13] Nineteen ninety three.

[16:14] White Sargasso Sea.

[16:15] Oh, it starred Karina Lombard.

[16:18] I don't know who that is.

[16:20] Oh, Rachel Ward's in it, though.

[16:22] Michael York.

[16:23] Yeah.

[16:24] Anyway.

[16:25] OK, well, the book.

[16:26] Wow.

[16:27] Before then.

[16:28] But there is just to answer your question.

[16:29] There is a postmodern retelling of of the story from Mrs. Rochester's point of view.

[16:32] Yeah.

[16:33] Man, I'm really glad we went on this one.

[16:34] This little side.

[16:35] There's really so little to bright heart.

[16:38] I am glad.

[16:39] It's so rarely on this podcast that I get to talk about the work of early to mid 19th

[16:44] century female authors, you know, from Britain.

[16:47] So I'm glad we could do a little bit of that today.

[16:49] Yeah.

[16:50] I mean, would wouldn't wouldn't my gal, Virginia, Virginia Woolf be in that category?

[16:54] Oh, Virginia Woolf is very much an early 20th century author, although I would like to talk

[16:57] about her work.

[16:58] I love her work.

[16:59] There's a reason that I am raising my younger son's middle name is Wolf with two O's.

[17:02] Mm hmm.

[17:03] Didn't know.

[17:04] Also, because it's a family.

[17:05] You didn't you didn't name your son Mrs. Dalloway.

[17:08] His name is Orlando Dalloway.

[17:11] Yeah.

[17:12] Orlando, the waves, Orlando to the lighthouse, Dalloway waves, Galen.

[17:18] His name is pretty cool.

[17:20] His name is a room of their own, Galen.

[17:21] But we just call him we just call him Ator or Arato.

[17:27] That's pretty cool.

[17:29] That's Arato would be the would be the initials.

[17:31] Yeah.

[17:32] So Sam is.

[17:34] This is my son, Sammy, and this is younger brother Arato Arato.

[17:38] Like what is it?

[17:39] Oh, it's it's it's short for a room of one room.

[17:41] Oh, it's a room of one zone.

[17:42] It's the name of the room of their own.

[17:44] I think the league of their own guys.

[17:45] OK, hold on a second.

[17:46] This is what we need to do.

[17:47] You have both a room and a league of Virginia, a room of a league of their own room of one zone.

[17:55] I apologize to the late Virginia Wolf.

[17:57] Yeah, I thought I didn't want to leap in.

[18:00] Yeah, I apologize.

[18:01] I had to bring it to you.

[18:03] OK, so Sam is understandably down in the dumps for the falling out with her friend.

[18:09] She feels like she messed up, but she also doesn't know how to remove herself from work

[18:14] until her handler, Nadine, played by Sherry Cola, insists who also has like nothing to do in this movie.

[18:22] No, she just exists to like make quips, you know?

[18:25] Yeah. Which I mean, talented.

[18:27] I'll answer my own question.

[18:28] Joyride. Joyride.

[18:30] She's also she's also on that.

[18:33] Nobody wants this show as a podcast producer.

[18:37] Yeah. Yeah. She's given so little.

[18:39] I expected like I guess I wasn't paying enough attention.

[18:43] Like she loses.

[18:44] Like why is she not in contact with this woman throughout the hostage situation?

[18:49] My guess is that my guess is that something there's a cell phone jammer.

[18:53] There is a cell phone jammer.

[18:54] But my guess is that my guess is that there is more for her to do in this, but that they cut it.

[18:58] You know, it just this movie feels like it.

[19:01] This movie doesn't feel like a cohesive piece of work that it was that fulfills the intentions of its makers.

[19:08] Let's say so her her handler is like, I got a new mission for you and it's just go to your friend's wedding.

[19:16] So she goes to her friend's wedding, which is in one of those big old plantation houses in the south because everybody's rich.

[19:24] Everybody in the world is rich.

[19:25] Some people are just richer than others.

[19:26] Mm hmm.

[19:29] Virginia bad guys seem to be rich.

[19:32] Well, you know, like they're doing this mission, this well-funded mission.

[19:37] Yes. Even rich.

[19:38] You can't get that many stick and poke tattoos without having a little bit of a free scratch line around.

[19:44] Unless he's like friends with the artist or something or like, yeah, doing trade.

[19:48] Yeah. Trading. Trading.

[19:50] And I'll rob someone for the chef.

[19:53] Do we know if he's a chef on the side?

[19:55] Might be a chef.

[19:56] OK, there are tattoos on his neck.

[19:57] If not, he might not be a chef.

[19:59] He might not be a chef.

[20:00] Do his, yeah, what about his knuckles?

[20:02] Um, so, uh...

[20:04] It's like an Anthony Bourdain Jeff Foxworthy

[20:06] routine.

[20:08] Oh, man, what a pairing.

[20:10] If you got a tattoo

[20:12] off a fork on one of your arms,

[20:14] you might be a chef.

[20:15] That's the season of True Detective, I've been dying for.

[20:18] Well, I've got bad news for you, Stuart.

[20:20] What happened to Jeff Foxworthy?

[20:24] Uh, okay, so

[20:26] Virginia, who is the new

[20:28] Maid of Honor, is being

[20:30] overbearing, she's overplanning,

[20:32] um, but she,

[20:34] the Maid of Honor, the new Maid of Honor

[20:36] is the sister to the

[20:38] groom-to-be.

[20:40] So, uh, you know, it all, I guess...

[20:42] And this is very much like...

[20:44] Like Bridesmaids? Bridesmaids.

[20:46] Like, this is like the whole Bridesmaids thing of like,

[20:48] where Rose Byrne is the, you know,

[20:50] sort of like, you're supposed to read her as like,

[20:52] oh, who's this bitch horny in?

[20:54] But like, Bridesmaids,

[20:56] I mean, Bridesmaids did a better job

[20:58] of basically everything, but Bridesmaids...

[21:00] I don't even like Bridesmaids, and it did a better,

[21:02] I can tell you it did a better job, yeah.

[21:04] Did a better job of making that character a human.

[21:06] Like, Anna Shlomsky gets like

[21:08] a, you know, at the end

[21:10] she is not horrible,

[21:12] but it is a real like,

[21:14] you know, switch

[21:16] of a change, you know?

[21:18] They do a couple of those with a couple different characters.

[21:20] Like, she seems awful for so much of the movie,

[21:22] and then at the end it's like, okay, well she's okay.

[21:24] You know?

[21:26] Emotions are high around weddings, Dan.

[21:28] Sometimes you aren't your best self, you know?

[21:30] And people are high at weddings often.

[21:32] Ideally.

[21:34] Sometimes, if it's the wedding of Jerry Garcia,

[21:36] Dan looks like you were there, right?

[21:38] If Rachel's getting married,

[21:40] there's a lot of trauma to get over, so.

[21:42] Okay, so,

[21:44] you know, there's a big part...

[21:46] Rachel getting married.

[21:48] Rachel getting married.

[21:50] Do you remember that part of Rachel getting married,

[21:52] that night when everybody's performing,

[21:54] and the guy's like, he's doing stand-up or something,

[21:56] and he keeps saying, Rachel getting married, and I'm like,

[21:58] yeah, I don't know Rachel, so just keep going.

[22:00] I actually don't remember this.

[22:02] It's as if the guy is like,

[22:04] he's basically like, I can't believe it.

[22:06] L.A.'s DVD got a scratch on it, so it was just skipping.

[22:08] I think he was trying to get across,

[22:10] like, can you believe Rachel is grown up and is getting married?

[22:12] I'm just like, yeah, as an audience member,

[22:14] I met her as an engaged adult, so.

[22:16] Yeah.

[22:18] It's the fucking title of the movie, dog.

[22:20] Like, I didn't even think I bought a ticket to fucking sack lunch.

[22:22] How'd they get that sack?

[22:24] Or is it a really big sack?

[22:26] Yeah.

[22:28] Of all the movies that were on Seinfeld,

[22:30] sack lunch is the one I'm most curious about.

[22:32] And guys, this is when

[22:34] Chris, the best man, shows up.

[22:36] Of course, played by

[22:38] Tracker himself, Colter Shaw.

[22:40] That's Tracker, everybody.

[22:42] Now, here's the thing. I would love to see

[22:44] Tracker with the skills of this character.

[22:46] Yes, I'm with you.

[22:48] The thing is that he thinks he's very cool,

[22:50] but he's bad at all the stuff he's doing.

[22:52] Well, it's weird, because when he first shows up,

[22:54] they really play up how hot he's supposed to be.

[22:56] I mean, there's a slow-motion walk,

[22:58] and there's a woman in the background

[23:00] doing the craziest take as he's walking up.

[23:02] And it's...

[23:04] What were they playing like?

[23:06] Dude looks like a lady.

[23:08] I think it was his, what,

[23:10] Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover or something?

[23:12] Yes, it was Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover, yeah.

[23:14] He starts flirting with Sam.

[23:16] There's a party.

[23:18] There's a bridesmaid dance number

[23:20] that Sam disrupts by

[23:22] shooting a blow dart

[23:24] at Anna Kolomsky's character.

[23:26] And at that point,

[23:28] Anna Kolomsky is going real overdrive

[23:30] within the dance number

[23:32] to pull the spotlight.

[23:34] At the same time,

[23:36] Sam is getting a little

[23:38] suspicious of

[23:40] just things going on.

[23:42] She sees a guy walking around with a big case,

[23:44] and she's like, Is this a missile launcher?

[23:46] And so she sends images to her handler,

[23:48] and her handler's like, Stop worrying about it.

[23:50] I'll analyze it, but don't worry about it.

[23:52] Also, in the middle of the night,

[23:54] bad guys infiltrate...

[23:56] Oh, I think you meant in the middle of the night.

[23:58] Bad guys infiltrate the wedding.

[24:00] I never mean that.

[24:02] At the Southern Plantation,

[24:04] in the movie Bridehard.

[24:06] So there's like three

[24:08] security guys standing on the dock

[24:10] at the river

[24:12] attached to the estate,

[24:14] and they get

[24:16] tranquilized darts or shot and killed

[24:18] by some frogmen

[24:20] and replaced...

[24:22] Now, before, Stuart just means scuba divers.

[24:24] He does not mean characters from Hell Thumbs to Frog Town.

[24:26] He's talking Rowdy Roddy Piper.

[24:28] Okay.

[24:30] So the wedding,

[24:32] the next day...

[24:34] Or the footman from Alice in Wonderland.

[24:36] Yes, the frog footman.

[24:38] What other great frogmen are there?

[24:40] Yeah, great frogmen.

[24:42] I mean, Kermit's kind of a frogman.

[24:44] John Taffer from Bar Rescue.

[24:46] I mean, he's presented as if he's a frog.

[24:48] Kermit is a frog.

[24:50] That's like his name.

[24:52] He's unlike the other frogs, even in his own world.

[24:54] I love it.

[24:56] Okay, I mean, I feel like this is

[24:58] like a split in...

[25:00] Is this like a Goofy Pluto situation?

[25:02] Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[25:04] Goofy Pluto is like the planet Pluto,

[25:06] but the orbit is all crazy.

[25:08] It's like a crazy straw.

[25:14] Who made this straw?

[25:16] Virginia continues her...

[25:18] This straw is crazy.

[25:20] We can't let this get out.

[25:22] Someone unbalanced designed this straw.

[25:26] Lock this man up.

[25:28] He designed this straw.

[25:30] He's a danger to drinking everywhere.

[25:32] I'm so parched,

[25:34] I'll just put the straw to my lips.

[25:36] It's taking a long time for the liquid

[25:38] to get through this straw.

[25:40] Wait, this is a very circuitous route for this liquid to take.

[25:42] Almost absurdly circuitous.

[25:48] I got tired sucking on it

[25:50] before it reached my lips.

[25:54] It's a sad story.

[25:56] He was the pride of the straw design department

[25:58] here at America Pacific.

[26:00] And now look at him.

[26:02] He had to be taken away.

[26:04] He was locked away for his safety

[26:06] and others.

[26:08] He was doing strange, horrible things

[26:10] with straws.

[26:12] Abominations of nature, they were called.

[26:14] Do you think in a post-apocalyptic future,

[26:16] any of the people who are

[26:18] siphoning gas out of discarded cars

[26:20] or gas tanks, do you think any of them

[26:22] ever use a big, silly straw

[26:24] just for laughs?

[26:26] Don't get me started on silly string, though.

[26:28] It's not even string.

[26:30] Try and tie up a package with that?

[26:32] That's a fool's errand.

[26:34] You'd end up with a mess on your hands.

[26:36] I'll tell you who would use that to tie something up.

[26:38] A silly person.

[26:40] The bridesmaids all do a bit of a glam day.

[26:42] Again, Virginia is being

[26:44] way too much

[26:46] overbearing and makes

[26:48] Sam feel

[26:50] left out. She also

[26:52] takes issue with Sam flirting with

[26:54] Chris, aka Tracker, by showing her

[26:56] a magazine that says

[26:58] Virginia A. Chris.

[27:00] A French fashion magazine, which I thought was very funny.

[27:02] This was when I first realized how rich

[27:04] these characters are supposed to be.

[27:06] It's not just that they're rich, but they're rich enough that a French magazine

[27:08] is running articles

[27:10] about whether they're in a relationship or not.

[27:12] Okay, so

[27:14] the wedding starts

[27:16] to happen, and

[27:18] Sam and Betsy get in a little bit of a

[27:20] fight, so Sam steps away

[27:22] for a second, and that's when

[27:24] a bunch of bad guys, mercenaries,

[27:26] led by Stephen Dorff,

[27:28] start the wedding.

[27:30] Dorff is not going fishing, guys, and he is not playing golf.

[27:32] He is hijacking this wedding.

[27:34] So they shoot some Uzis in the sky,

[27:36] they collect all the wedding guests.

[27:38] There's a joke about,

[27:40] are all American weddings like this

[27:42] from a British guy?

[27:44] I'm confused, guys. Is this the same wedding from Betsy's wedding?

[27:46] Maybe. Yeah, could be.

[27:48] Wait, what's Betsy's wedding, Dan?

[27:50] It had Molly Ringwald in it

[27:52] and Alan Alda.

[27:54] Yeah, I was also left in the cold by this one.

[27:56] I watched in

[27:58] the old memory.

[28:00] It's a forgotten film of the period.

[28:02] No, I mean, it makes sense, though, because

[28:04] there's no other movies about weddings that you could have

[28:06] made that joke with.

[28:08] Well, but it's the same woman's name.

[28:10] Is this what happened to Peggy Sue?

[28:12] That's a different woman's name.

[28:14] Is this my best friend's wedding?

[28:16] Is this my Betsy's friend's wedding?

[28:18] Is this Robert Altman's

[28:20] Betsy wedding? Yeah.

[28:22] Because, Dan, you have

[28:24] a friend named Betsy, so I was like,

[28:26] I don't know. I wasn't at that wedding, but I assume you

[28:28] were. Is this Betsy's wedding?

[28:32] I mean, it was a long time ago.

[28:34] In a galaxy far, far away.

[28:36] Dan, how did you get to that wedding that was

[28:38] a galaxy far, far away?

[28:40] Uh, hitchhiked.

[28:42] The mercenaries

[28:44] use the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

[28:46] Yeah, that guide with you, yeah.

[28:48] They corral all the guests. We clearly have a lot to say about

[28:50] Breithard. Anyway, continue.

[28:52] Separate the family members

[28:54] who own the estate, which includes

[28:56] the groom-to-be, the

[28:58] maid of honor, and their parents,

[29:00] one of whom is played by,

[29:02] that's right, Colleen Camp.

[29:04] Yeah, that's also a producer on the movie.

[29:06] Mm-hmm. Along with

[29:08] Joel David Moore, who I guess

[29:10] used some of his Avatar bucks

[29:12] to help produce this one.

[29:14] This is the bucks that have

[29:16] Navi on them. Yeah, they're fucking blue.

[29:18] You can only use them to produce other movies,

[29:20] James Cameron's the only one who will

[29:22] trade them back in for American dollars.

[29:24] Yeah.

[29:26] They're trying to get into this weird

[29:28] time-release family

[29:30] vault thing that has a ton of gold bars

[29:32] in it and an incriminating

[29:34] hard drive. In order to do

[29:36] that, they need each family member's

[29:38] ring and their passcode

[29:40] or something.

[29:42] They have to wait 30 minutes between each

[29:44] ring-slash-password

[29:46] insertion, which seems very

[29:48] convenient, but I guess that's how rich people

[29:50] do. And then we

[29:52] find out in this scene that the best man,

[29:54] Chris Tracker, not the good

[29:56] dude that he is on Tracker, Coulter Shaw,

[29:58] who works as a rewardist,

[30:00] missing people and often doesn't even keep the reward that's what he calls himself a rewardist

[30:05] okay and like other people work for rewards yeah that's good he works for

[30:11] bounty hunter is a bad guy a tip is if you're like a server it's a little wild because we're

[30:18] not wages other people call him a rewardist which is weird why don't they just call him

[30:22] the title of the show tracker because that's not his name although you would assume it should be

[30:27] his name should be coulter tracker yeah i mean coulter shaw is a really cool it is a cool name

[30:32] you're putting a lot of pressure on a kid when you name them coulter that they've got to grow

[30:36] up to be handsome and cool yeah um which this character is supposed to be but all at this point

[30:41] this is kind of a turning point this is where we not only realize he's a sliding door he also

[30:45] is like he also becomes like a big kind of dork he becomes a big wannabe baby yeah yeah and he's

[30:53] doing this uh because he wants that hard drive to like theoretically in his mind clear his dad

[31:00] uh for for like malfeasance his dad was sent to jail for financial crimes he's a real jared

[31:07] kushner his whole life is about proving that his dad who was clearly a criminal was not a criminal

[31:12] and he doesn't care how many lives i mean i'm guess i guess i'm asking for his dad empire

[31:20] strikes back director his name is spelled and pronounced differently

[31:26] even you know you're not exactly like your dad elliot that's true maybe your last name

[31:31] could be changed slightly that's a good point that the uh that he wants to prove that his dad's not

[31:35] guilty of encasing han solo in carbonite so he's looking for the behind the scenes footage that

[31:39] shows that that's just a movie and not a real thing that happens i guess i'm asking for a

[31:44] better movie than bright heart but this this dan i think we're all asked if you weren't asking for

[31:49] a better movie than bright heart i than bright heart i would be like dan you need to raise your

[31:53] standards come on this detail though just like goes so nowhere like it's used as an excuse for

[31:58] like someone to on the inside to be like part of it but like when it is revealed at the end

[32:05] that oh no your dad really was a criminal it's such a shrug like there's no like there's no

[32:10] sense of like i did all this for nothing you know i or like there's no twist on it like oh

[32:17] actually you did all this and you exonerated him but now you're going to jail or something

[32:21] interesting i mean by this point also his character has become such a nothing like a

[32:26] cartoon non-threat i feel like i would have liked if they're going to go with the cartoon non-threat

[32:31] route i would have liked if some of the other characters were still like enamored by how hot

[32:37] he was yes so at least there was some like dimension to it well something yeah i'm gonna

[32:42] monday morning quarterback this whole movie by the end yeah but that's like like dan that's a

[32:46] good twist idea like dan's saying like some kind of twist so it's not just what's happening you

[32:49] know yeah not just a straightforward thing um okay so uh sam who is separated from everybody

[32:56] kind of starts figuring out that something's going on she starts taking out bad guys there's a

[33:01] sequence where she uses dates that seems like conflict of interest she starts uh taking out

[33:06] she kills a guy by beating him up with uh like hot hair curlers that's her idea of a good date

[33:13] not my idea i mean i'm gonna do it some people it might be this is what i was saying before that

[33:21] like you never like there's a little bit of a nod in the direction of like oh sam's in trouble at

[33:26] the end just so the bridesmaids can like come save her and you know prove that they're all friends

[33:32] again or whatever but like you never worry about her actually being overmatched in any way like she

[33:39] is like a movie you know super fighter and the thing is that you have to like they clearly don't

[33:46] have the money to lean into the action sequences here and later on they make a point of when you

[33:54] know in the wrap-up she's like yeah and you can't tell anyone that i'm a secret agent and i'm like

[33:59] oh okay so that's what the movie should have been is that she is so clearly overmatching these guys

[34:05] she should be able to easily defeat them at any time but the issue is she should be trying to do

[34:10] it so that nobody knows she's a secret agent like yeah that's funny and i think one of the issues

[34:16] they have with doing something like that which i think is funnier is that she gets kicked out of

[34:20] being the maid of honor so early because they're trying to be like bridesmaids so there's that it's

[34:24] no one's really paying attention to her that much throughout the movie yeah and she has no

[34:28] responsibilities but if you wanted if it's like she still has to do her maid of honor stuff while

[34:33] she's taking out all these bad guys or while she's like if she notices something's wrong early

[34:37] and she's trying not to ruin the wedding yes you know and then you can set it up for like act three

[34:42] is when it's oh no the now everyone knows about it in the middle act two or who knows what i also

[34:47] saw this in some review i read of this you went to the theater and saw it it was a road show someone

[34:53] made the good point intermission and everything yeah someone made the good point that like

[34:57] there's no difference really between her spy persona and how she acts in real life and maybe

[35:03] if there was like a contrast that would be interesting yeah if she's like a goofy she's

[35:08] a goofy friend but she's like a stone cold killer as a spy or something like that or vice versa she

[35:14] does she has she's her the funny thing about her is that she's kind of cold to her friends but

[35:17] she's really warm to the people she's fighting that's who she feels like she can talk to i don't

[35:22] know anyway and i think i think uh casting wise you should have swapped steven dorf and tracker i

[35:27] think steven dorf would play like a sniveling little uh weasel better he would be very funny

[35:33] doing that um okay so um chris goes off trying to hunt down sam and they bump into each other

[35:42] she immediately susses out that he's a bad guy and they have a scuffle and she manages to steal

[35:49] the ring that he had been holding that is part of the uh he's like my precious my precious uh-huh

[35:54] yeah that's a dead-on column you just yeah it's me gollum hey guys hey what's up

[36:00] where you going dan you're going it's like gonzo gollum you're going to mount doom can i come

[36:06] can i can i have that ring it's kind of my precious uh yeah we gotta take it over to mount doom

[36:11] i promise i won't talk too much

[36:28] muppet lord of the rings maps pretty well kermit's frodo right fozzie is sam

[36:32] gonzo is gollum who's miss piggy though aragorn uh i think it'd be pretty funny

[36:38] if she was gandalf yeah that's pretty funny too yeah that works i see sam the eagle is more of a

[36:45] gandalf type but you know it's true but he's he's too it's too uptight yeah you don't want to spend

[36:50] that much time with middle earth is big enough for miss piggy actually get sam the eagle would

[36:55] be soromon that's his family yes yeah yeah or uncle deadly okay so at this point the bride

[37:02] betsy manages to trick them into letting her sneak off to get food um and in doing so she's

[37:09] able to reunite with her friend sam uh there's some uh action sequences uh blah blah blah uh

[37:17] they come up with a plan together so they split up again betsy returns she helps all the hostages

[37:24] escape i've got to say like i don't want to play a reality police too much in what is clearly

[37:32] a dumb comedy yeah but like there's a scene they're like their scenes when she like comes

[37:36] back and she's like talking to the other hostages about the plans where they're like whispering

[37:41] loudly and you see goons like wandering around in the background i'm like wow they're really

[37:46] lax about letting all their hostages plan with one another these are these are the least

[37:52] threatening least imposing goons i've ever seen in a movie they are so easily taken out by

[37:57] everybody they let they let the heroes who are captives just have free reign yeah free movement

[38:03] often yeah and they're it's just it's just very there's a point where they all escape and they

[38:07] like snatch up all the weapons that are clearly lying around in this plantation home and i'm like

[38:13] somebody make a joke about the fact that rich people have like weird weapons in their house

[38:17] or something but no no um now this is what i'm gonna say now up till this point the movie has

[38:22] pretty closely stuck to its original it's based on the bride stripped bare by her bachelor's even

[38:27] the sculpture by marcelle de champ also known as the large glass but this is where the story

[38:31] takes an abrupt turn it no longer follows marcelle de champ like he's the champion

[38:38] that's what my brother used to call him when i was a teenager i went through a big period where

[38:41] i was really enamored of de champ's work and i had calvin tomkins biography on that which just

[38:45] says de champ on the cover and my brother would just go de champ that actually is probably the

[38:51] clearest portrait of the caylan boys i've ever heard um okay so uh the hostages escape through

[38:58] the like weird tunnel underneath the uh the property sam gets captured while battling goons

[39:05] eventually and they get the ring off of her and they open the vault if you like it then you better

[39:11] take a ring off it and this is when uh that's on right yeah this is this is the moment by the way

[39:17] also again hate to be too logical but like the most egregious plot armor where like she has the

[39:24] ring which is what they want she's killed a bunch of them they don't just shoot her no it's like the

[39:29] most the most right in front of them it's almost i think i would call it second most egregious

[39:33] after the moment in indiana jones and the dial of destiny where they have indiana jones and fleabag

[39:39] alone in a in a cavern somewhere and they know indiana jones is i think is holding the thing

[39:44] they want and they've been killing people left and right for no reason and they do not just shoot

[39:48] indiana jones and fleabag in the head and take that thing and leave instead they're like you'll

[39:52] have to come with us or else we'll kill you both it's like just i don't understand why you're not

[39:56] doing just killing just do it we know you're the hero of the movie your name is in the

[40:00] title so we can't kill you. There'd be a wild ending on a movie though, right?

[40:04] They'd just blast it above them in the head. Yeah.

[40:08] Yeah, and then they go back in time to ancient Rome and they die and then everyone dies.

[40:12] Actually, so the version that they kill them, they take the dial, they go back in time,

[40:16] but it takes them back to that moment, and Indiana Jones and Fleabag are able to

[40:20] stop them and just change their own deaths. That's a great ending.

[40:24] We should do that. When we do our remake of Indiana Jones, the Death of a Destiny. Should I watch that movie?

[40:28] I haven't watched it yet. I like that movie. It's fun. I like it better than...

[40:32] Bridehart. Crystal Skull, personally. Yes, I also like it better than Crystal Skull.

[40:36] The beginning of Crystal Skull I like a lot, but then it gets pretty boring to me.

[40:40] Everything after the fridge in Crystal Skull I'm not a huge fan of.

[40:44] How much mutt is in the new one? No mutt. There's no mutt?

[40:48] It's Sans Mutt. Mutt went and returned to his home planet.

[40:52] Yeah, he's a dog name, yeah. I will say, Dial of Destiny, the longer it went on

[40:56] and the kind of sillier it got, the more I liked it.

[41:00] In the very beginning I'm like, eh, I don't know, but by the end I'm like, you know what?

[41:04] This is pretty bonkers. I feel like I've asked this question on the podcast many times.

[41:08] Because I still haven't seen it, and every time it comes up I'm like, should I watch that?

[41:12] And you're like, eh, maybe. There's certainly better things to watch,

[41:16] but there's also worse things to watch. I mean, I'm just such a fan of that character

[41:20] that I was going to watch it. Fleabag? Well, yeah, I mean, I am.

[41:24] Both of them. Elliot jokes for a second and then realizes what he's done.

[41:28] I'm like, oh no, he does love that character. It is a good character, yeah.

[41:32] So, when they open up the ball... But it's weird when Fleabag is a robot

[41:36] in a Star Wars movie, right? That's the one time I've attracted to a robot.

[41:40] I'm like, that robot's got a lot of junk in the drawer. That's the only time.

[41:44] Let me direct you to the Bride of Pinbot pinball machine.

[41:48] Dan, I have a certain Aerosmith album cover.

[41:52] I think you need to look at it.

[41:56] Yeah, I mean, I guess Ex Machina is a pretty good robot for being attracted to, too.

[42:00] I mean, that's a human actress pretending to be a robot.

[42:04] That's what I'm saying. You're hearing me out on a Felicia McCander.

[42:08] That's the one robot-y robot that I'm like, hmm, okay.

[42:12] Yeah, yeah. Hear me out, Gonkdroid.

[42:16] Hello? The thing about Gonkdroid is he's such a generous lover

[42:20] because he's so grateful.

[42:24] Most people just think I'm a trash can.

[42:28] Wait, one real quick. I have a complaint I have to make

[42:32] about the Star Wars character encyclopedia guidebooks. There's so many characters

[42:36] thanks to The Mandalorian and the new movies that some of the old characters

[42:40] have been dropped from those books, and my younger son, he has the newest edition of it,

[42:44] and I was very disappointed to see that Gonkdroid is no longer in the book.

[42:48] Open the fucking schools, right?

[42:52] You've got all these one-off Mandalorian characters. You don't have Gonkdroid.

[42:56] Momon Adon, he's not in any of those books. That's very disappointing.

[43:00] What about the Shistevin Wolfman in

[43:04] The Mos Eisley Cantina, the one who got pulled out

[43:08] for the special edition?

[43:12] The only Mos Eisley guys that are still in there are Figrinda Ann, of course.

[43:16] No, just Figrinda Ann.

[43:20] Ponda Beba and Dr. Evazan.

[43:24] Momon Adon's not in there anymore.

[43:28] He's got the fucking death sentence in how many sectors?

[43:32] Let's get back to Breithard.

[43:36] They get the vault open.

[43:40] This is when Stevendorf's like, actually, Tracker, I don't need you around

[43:44] at all. Sam manages

[43:48] to break free. She and Chris both escape.

[43:52] There's shooting and grenades. They get trapped

[43:56] inside a whiskey barrel. Because it's a distillery at the plantation.

[44:00] They luckily are rescued by their friends

[44:04] through clever use of Morse code.

[44:08] More regular use of Morse code.

[44:12] They didn't put a fresh new spin on it?

[44:16] Your cousin Marvin Morse.

[44:20] You know that new sound you've been looking for?

[44:24] Putting some real English on your raps.

[44:28] Your dits and dashes or whatever.

[44:32] Sam and Betsy jump on a hovercraft and they go chasing after Stevendorf and all the gold.

[44:36] There's a very funny thing that happens here.

[44:40] The gold is just flying around these gold bars.

[44:44] Gold is very heavy.

[44:48] There's some very good people standing on

[44:52] things with a green screen behind them.

[44:56] There's some action and adventure.

[45:00] They eventually overtake Stevendorf.

[45:04] Sam boards his little skiff.

[45:08] She manages to knock him off the platform with all the gold.

[45:12] Then they get overtaken by Tracker.

[45:16] I want this hard drive to clear my dad's name.

[45:20] It's almost like you're watching famous people playing Mario Kart.

[45:24] If they made a live action Mario Kart movie

[45:28] where people are green screened like that.

[45:32] Terrible green screen. I would be super into it.

[45:36] Terrible muzzle flare.

[45:40] For when you fire off a shell or whatever.

[45:44] Get Neil Breen to make the Mario Kart movie.

[45:48] That would be amazing.

[45:52] If somehow Neil Breen landed the Mario Kart license.

[45:56] They stop the Mercs.

[46:00] Chris Pratt is on set with Neil Breen.

[46:04] Mario doesn't usually go on long nihilistic libertarian

[46:08] sociopathic rants about the elites and

[46:12] the powers of the government.

[46:16] That's more Wario territory.

[46:20] Do you want to say something more than just banks and government?

[46:24] That's it. You're off the movie.

[46:28] They leave Tracker on the driverless hovercraft.

[46:32] It's a big wedding display and seems to explode.

[46:36] There's a lot of very cheap digital smoke around him.

[46:40] Their emotional reaction to seeing potentially

[46:44] the best man, even though he's turned a bad guy, killed in an explosion

[46:48] is very nonchalant.

[46:52] They seem to believe that Sam has been killed by mercenary gunfire.

[46:56] Betsy is obviously sad that her childhood

[47:00] best friend is dead. Divine Joy Randolph's character is talking

[47:04] shit about her. I'm like, this is crazy.

[47:08] Read the room. Her friend's dead. Don't talk about her being a bad bridesmaid.

[47:12] Go back to seducing the reverend like you're doing through the rest of the movie.

[47:16] There is one line

[47:20] back and forth that I did find very funny.

[47:24] There are a couple of funny jokes in it.

[47:28] They're talking about what are their skills that they can use to help Sam. Divine Joy Randolph is like,

[47:32] I'm a solid nine and a half. Do with that what you will. Betsy's like, I think you're a ten.

[47:36] Let's just move on. She's like, thank you.

[47:40] It was the most real back and forth in the entire movie it felt like to me.

[47:44] There's so many other weird

[47:48] jokes that were written in here. There was a moment where

[47:52] Betsy first sees Sam beat the shit out of a bunch of guys.

[47:56] She's like, are you even hurt? She's like, I'm human, aren't I?

[48:00] She goes, I don't know.

[48:04] It's edited in such a way where they're like, we don't even know if these are meant to be jokes

[48:08] or not. We don't get any room for delivery.

[48:12] Let's get to the next weird action sequence. We wrap everything up. The authorities

[48:16] arrive. They slide down ropes from helicopters.

[48:20] Surprising everybody. Do they notice

[48:24] the helicopters before they slide down? I can't remember. I don't know.

[48:28] They decide to have the wedding right there instead

[48:32] of doing some kind of a big thing. That's when Tracker shows

[48:36] back up and he holds everybody at gunpoint. He's quickly disarmed and taken

[48:40] into custody. He has an explosive

[48:44] detonator which is commandeered by

[48:48] Sam. They then throw the bouquet. Sam catches it, triggering the

[48:52] detonator, blowing up their home.

[48:56] This is how rich they are. They just shake off that their home

[49:00] and all their possessions have been destroyed.

[49:04] I did want to redecorate.

[49:08] Sam did save them, but I also feel like there'd be a little

[49:12] reaction to their entire home getting blown up.

[49:16] Maybe some remorse of losing your home.

[49:20] I wasn't as worried about it before, but now I'm going to need to know

[49:24] where every single gold bar is because I have to build a new house.

[49:28] Then the movie wraps up with all the characters dancing

[49:32] around a bonfire, just having a good time. End of movie.

[49:36] Doing witch curses.

[49:40] Dancing around, casting spells. Living life deliciously.

[49:44] How long do you think she lived

[49:48] life deliciously before she got tired of the witch life?

[49:52] I would say eons.

[49:56] She opens up a witch house. Time and space have no meaning anymore.

[50:00] Right. They're pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. And she is like a little cool rat friend with a human face.

[50:05] Oh, that's cute. Yeah. So, guys, that guy should have been in Breithart.

[50:12] Time while Stuart pours some water directly into his microphone, just be, you know,

[50:19] we'll see what else to do in this episode. I will introduce the next part of this,

[50:26] which is final judgments. We have to judge this movie. Is it a good, bad movie,

[50:31] a bad, bad movie or movie that we kind of liked?

[50:36] This was a bad, bad movie. I can't remember. I'm sure like there are talented people involved.

[50:43] Sure. Like, I am sure that there was some earlier version of this script even that was better. But

[50:49] like this version that we got is sort of bafflingly free of jokes like I can't like

[51:00] oftentimes I can't even tell what the joke was supposed to be in the movie. And unfortunately,

[51:08] the action doesn't work either. So you're left with a lot of nothing. What do you say, Stuart?

[51:14] Yeah, I feel like the only joke they really retained was the title of the movie.

[51:19] But yeah, I would say this is a bad, bad movie. Anytime I find myself spending the whole time

[51:24] trying to think like, how would I have made this functional? And I am not a screenwriter.

[51:31] So yeah, it's I think that's true. So I would say, yeah, this movie's a mess. There's there's

[51:38] just not very many jokes. Obviously, there's talented people that are kind of doing their best.

[51:42] But there's it feels it feels like like nothing of a movie.

[51:50] I agree. I've got nothing else to add to that bad, bad movie. No one is well served by it.

[51:55] And I'm sure that everyone in who worked on it is capable of better.

[51:59] So I guess this is a see me after class to the people who made Bright Heart.

[52:04] Hey, what's the trivia show where dreams come true? It's gotta be Go Fact Yourself.

[52:13] Legend in the House. We quiz celebrity contestants about topics they love.

[52:18] Then bring out surprise experts to delight and amaze.

[52:22] And then finally, tell us why you know and love the lyrics to the song

[52:25] Knockin' Boots by Candyman. Joining us tonight is a rapper and producer.

[52:29] It's Candyman. This is among the greatest moments of my life.

[52:39] That's Go Fact Yourself. Twice a month, every month here on Maximum Fun.

[52:48] Since 2017, after every MaxFunDrive, we've held a sale for MaxFun members where all of the

[52:53] proceeds go to a non-profit. In December, we donated $43,000 to Transgender Law Center.

[53:00] 43,000! Thank you to all the MaxFun members who made this possible.

[53:05] Transgender Law Center champions the right of all transgender and gender non-conforming people

[53:11] to live freely, safely, and authentically. A mission that everyone at MaxFun supports.

[53:18] If you'd like to learn more or make an additional donation, go to transgenderlawcenter.org.

[53:24] And for anyone who needs to hear this, you belong here.

[53:28] You deserve to be able to be yourself, and we love you.

[53:32] Well, let's take a moment to thank our sponsors. The Flop House is sponsored in part by Squarespace.

[53:43] That's a service that allows you to create a website and gives you everything you need

[53:48] to offer services and get paid all in one place. And I love getting paid.

[53:54] You can get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments.

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[54:06] And yeah, if you want a good-looking site, well, they got you covered because they got a library

[54:11] of professionally designed website templates that have won awards even with options for every use

[54:17] and category, intuitive drag-and-drop editing, beautiful styling options, visual design effects.

[54:23] You don't need to know how to code to use Squarespace.

[54:27] So head to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[54:30] And when you are ready to launch, use offer code FLOP, that's F-L-O-P,

[54:36] to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[54:41] We are also sponsored by Factor.

[54:45] You know, it's a new year.

[54:46] We all have big plans, big goals, and we're also very busy coming out of the holiday season.

[54:53] So many of us don't have time to take care of ourselves and cook.

[54:58] And that's why Factor makes a perfect option.

[55:02] Factor provides fully prepared meals designed by dieticians and crafted by chefs.

[55:07] So you can eat well without having to spend all that time shopping and cooking.

[55:13] Factor features quality functional ingredients, including lean proteins, veggies,

[55:18] whole food ingredients, and healthy fats.

[55:20] With 100 rotating weekly meals, including high protein, which I don't know about you guys,

[55:25] but I do a lot of weightlifting and I need my protein.

[55:29] Yum, yum, yum.

[55:30] I need to feed this engine.

[55:33] And my wife, on the other hand, she is just not very good at between running four businesses.

[55:40] She does not have a lot of time to feed herself and will forget about it

[55:46] and then be insane by the end of the day because she hasn't eaten lunch.

[55:49] Well, Factor provides a really easy option because their meals are ready in minutes.

[55:54] Now, they're always fresh, never frozen.

[55:57] Why don't you check them out?

[55:58] Head to factormeals.com slash flop50off and use code flop50off to get 50% off your first

[56:06] Factor box plus free breakfast for one year.

[56:10] Offer is only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription

[56:15] purchase.

[56:16] Make healthy eating easy with Factor.

[56:21] Hey, guys, we are also sponsored in part by ourselves, by the things that we do.

[56:29] And so let's talk about that.

[56:31] We have that are going on.

[56:33] And Tim Allen is here.

[56:34] It is next week.

[56:36] Next week, a week after this episode drops, we will weaken a day.

[56:39] We're going to be appearing at San Francisco Sketch Fest.

[56:43] We will be there live in person, January 25th.

[56:46] That's a Sunday at 4 p.m.

[56:48] at Cobb's Comedy Club.

[56:49] The Flophouse is coming back to San Francisco.

[56:52] We're back to Sketch Fest.

[56:53] We're talking about Master of Disguise, the Dana Carvey movie,

[56:57] where he briefly dresses up like a turtle man.

[56:59] Wait, what?

[57:00] We are?

[57:03] Stuart, this isn't how I wanted you to find out.

[57:05] But we had a great time at last year's Sketch Fest.

[57:08] We are very excited to be at this Sketch Fest.

[57:10] Cobb's is a great comedy club.

[57:11] It's a super fun place to be.

[57:13] Please join us, won't you?

[57:15] Sunday, January 25th at Cobb's Comedy Club for tickets and for other schedules.

[57:21] For all the other amazing shows going on at SF Sketch Fest, go to sfsketchfest.com

[57:26] for our show on January 25th, Sunday, next weekend at Cobb's Comedy Club.

[57:32] But hey, guys, what if you can't make it to San Francisco for whatever reason?

[57:37] You still want to see us live.

[57:39] What if?

[57:40] What if?

[57:40] Well, you can see us live over your computer for a limited time if you go to Flop TV.

[57:48] Go to theflophouse.simpletix.com for season three of Flop TV.

[57:52] There's one episode left, guys.

[57:54] Our February episode, February 7th.

[57:56] That's the first Saturday in February.

[57:57] We will round out the end of our Flopsterpiece theater season by talking about Plan 9 from

[58:04] Outer Space.

[58:05] Maybe the most famous bad movie that was ever famous for being bad.

[58:09] We're finally going to talk about it.

[58:10] It's going to be amazing.

[58:12] This has been a really fun season of Flop TV.

[58:14] Flop TV, as everyone knows, is our one hour kind of like online video version of the podcast.

[58:19] We've had a lot of fun talking about the adventures of Pluto Nash and Jack Frost and Xanadu and

[58:23] Zardoz and Dr. Doolittle.

[58:26] And now we round out the season with our season finale, Plan 9 from Outer Space.

[58:30] Now, if you missed our other episodes, that's OK.

[58:32] If you buy tickets to those shows, you get access to the recordings, which will all be

[58:36] available through the end of February when they go back in the Flophouse vault.

[58:41] So if you've slept on getting tickets to watch Flop TV, sleep no more.

[58:46] I don't mean sleep no more.

[58:47] The interactive theater.

[58:48] It's closed.

[58:50] OK, good, good.

[58:51] Don't buy tickets for that.

[58:51] It's closed.

[58:52] Instead, buy tickets to Flop TV at the Flophouse dot SimpleTix dot com.

[58:56] Get our season pass bundle.

[58:57] That's six shows for the price of five.

[59:00] And join us February 7th as we bid adieu to Flop TV for the season with Plan 9 from Outer

[59:06] Space.

[59:07] That's the Flophouse dot SimpleTix dot com.

[59:10] Hey, guys, I have a couple of personal things that I'd like to promote, if that's OK with

[59:13] you guys.

[59:13] Sure.

[59:14] OK.

[59:15] All right.

[59:15] Well, as everyone knows, I have my book out, Joke Farming, How to Write Comedy and Other

[59:19] Nonsense.

[59:19] It's on store shelves now or buy it online, I guess.

[59:22] But I prefer you went to your independent bookstore.

[59:24] It's all about how to write books.

[59:26] I'm still writing the Harley Quinn series monthly from DC Comics, and I'm still hosting

[59:30] Clueless, the game show podcast on the Smart List Network.

[59:33] Go listen to it.

[59:34] Clueless, it's a much shorter podcast than the Flophouse.

[59:37] So if you really want to dig into a podcast and luxuriate in it, the Flophouse.

[59:41] But if you don't have a lot of time, just go to listen to Clueless.

[59:44] And finally, I have a new comic book series that is coming out this year.

[59:48] What?

[59:49] From Mad Cave Studios.

[59:50] I have a new book called Barbarian Behind Bars.

[59:53] It is the story of what happens when a Conan the Barbarian type character who who has gone

[59:58] on a multidimensional.

[1:00:00] quest that ended on Earth, gets thrown in jail, and he doesn't speak English, nobody

[1:00:04] knows who he is, he's got to figure out how to get out of prison, and people have to figure

[1:00:07] out what is his deal, as magic and dangerous things are happening around him, because perhaps

[1:00:13] the villain that he thought he dispatched in the beginning of the series, perhaps there's

[1:00:17] more to it than he thinks.

[1:00:19] So that's Barbarian Behind Bars, I'm reuniting with my Maniac of New York artist, Andrew

[1:00:24] Moody, we're working through Mad Cave Studios, which is a fun, smaller, company that has

[1:00:29] a lot of great stuff coming out, and the first issue comes out February 11th, so that's

[1:00:33] Barbarian Behind Bars, number one in comic book stores, February 11th, you can order

[1:00:38] it until January 19th, that's the final order cut off, so tell your local comic book store,

[1:00:43] make mine Mad Cave, and order Barbarian Behind Bars, number one.

[1:00:47] You had Stewart at Barbarian.

[1:00:51] I think Stewart's actually going to like it a lot.

[1:00:52] Yeah, it sounds like my thing.

[1:00:54] It's a combination of high fantasy and pulp prison B-movie storytelling, so get ready

[1:00:59] for violence.

[1:01:00] Love it.

[1:01:01] Very violent.

[1:01:02] Let's answer a few letters from listeners, this first letter is from Matt, last name

[1:01:08] withheld.

[1:01:09] Well, the first letter is A.

[1:01:10] What?

[1:01:11] Okay, all right.

[1:01:12] Jeez Louise.

[1:01:13] I got you Danny Boy.

[1:01:14] Did you?

[1:01:15] Did you get me?

[1:01:16] You got got?

[1:01:17] I guess so.

[1:01:18] That's the feeling of getting got.

[1:01:20] How's it feel?

[1:01:21] I've been gotten.

[1:01:22] How's it feel to get gotten, got go?

[1:01:23] Go.

[1:01:24] Hey, peaches.

[1:01:25] Oh, hey.

[1:01:26] Hey, just writing to say that you guys gave me some real nostalgia when you mentioned

[1:01:27] the 1950s film adaptation of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea in the episode on The Crow.

[1:01:28] Like Elliot's kid, I went through a serious Jules Verne phase of my life.

[1:01:29] I was a kid, I was a kid.

[1:01:30] I was a kid.

[1:01:31] I was a kid.

[1:01:32] I was a kid.

[1:01:33] I was a kid.

[1:01:34] I was a kid.

[1:01:35] I was a kid.

[1:01:36] I was a kid.

[1:01:37] I was a kid.

[1:01:38] I was a kid.

[1:01:39] I was a kid.

[1:01:40] I was a kid.

[1:01:41] I was a kid.

[1:01:42] I was a kid.

[1:01:43] I was a kid.

[1:01:45] Those are called children.

[1:01:47] Yeah.

[1:01:49] Perhaps unsurprisingly, when I made several of my slightly older cousins watch it with

[1:01:58] me, they were unenthused by a 1950s sci-fi adventure.

[1:02:06] This would be unremarkable, except this ended up being a foundational moment when I realized,

[1:02:14] hey, Matt, you're kind of a weirdo who likes old things, and I haven't looked back since.

[1:02:19] I'm now a professional historian and teacher, and my wife and I are having a kid in January,

[1:02:25] so thanks for helping me relive that seminal moment.

[1:02:29] Hopefully, I can...

[1:02:30] Are you laughing because...

[1:02:33] Super futuristic stuff, by the way.

[1:02:34] Are you laughing because hearing about a kid and seminal were put together?

[1:02:38] I am.

[1:02:39] That is why I'm laughing, yeah.

[1:02:40] Okay.

[1:02:41] Because there's two ways to use that word.

[1:02:43] Indeed.

[1:02:44] Hopefully, I can help my kid grow up to be just as weird an old film nerd as me.

[1:02:49] So Peaches, what pulpy old adventure movies would you suggest for kids who are into that

[1:02:55] kind of stuff?

[1:02:56] I'm even open to ones with problematic elements, as long as I can make them into teaching moments.

[1:03:01] Matt, last name withheld.

[1:03:06] I'm sure Elliot has a bunch of them, and maybe we'll be overlapping.

[1:03:09] I wrote down a few.

[1:03:10] I wrote down a few, too.

[1:03:12] It depends on what you mean.

[1:03:14] Does The Adventures of Robin Hood qualify as pulpy, or is that too folktale-y?

[1:03:18] I don't know.

[1:03:19] I also had that question, because I had that on my list, also.

[1:03:22] There's a thin line.

[1:03:23] When you say pulpy, going off of 20,000 leagues, it feels like adventure, as opposed to there

[1:03:31] are westerns that you could consider pulpy westerns that are good.

[1:03:34] There's something like The Adventures of Robin Hood.

[1:03:37] There's a little...

[1:03:38] That's the animated one, right?

[1:03:40] No, it's the Errol Fullin one, but the animated Robin Hood is fine.

[1:03:43] I'm sure we probably both have King Kong as a possibility.

[1:03:47] Oh, you know what?

[1:03:48] I didn't put on there, because I think of that as a monster movie, but you're right.

[1:03:51] That's a good option, yeah, especially if you want to make it a teaching moment for

[1:03:55] racial insensitivity.

[1:03:56] I just want to say I love that movie.

[1:03:58] The one I have on here that is definitely a teaching one, because it has a lot of colonialist

[1:04:04] stuff in it, is Gunga Din, but that's a very fun adventure movie.

[1:04:09] That's the first one I thought of was Gunga Din, where it is certainly you've got actors

[1:04:12] in brownface, they're just treating a whole religion as if it is evil, and stuff like

[1:04:18] that, but it's such a fun pulpy adventure if you can look past...

[1:04:21] It's about colonialism.

[1:04:23] The heroes are the colonialists, but also there's a long-time mention from Ian Seaworth,

[1:04:28] there's The Man Who Would Be King, it's another great, fun, pulpy adventure movie.

[1:04:33] I was trying to think of old, old movies, so the 30s Prisoner of Zenda is a fun, kind

[1:04:38] of like, adventure movie that way.

[1:04:41] Captain Blood, the Arrowfield Pirate movie.

[1:04:43] Yeah, I have a pirate movie, too.

[1:04:45] My last one I had was The Crimson Pirate with Burt Lancaster, I liked.

[1:04:50] Yeah, you guys both put The Phantom in there, right?

[1:04:53] Billy Zane, The Phantom.

[1:04:54] Slam Evil.

[1:04:55] I mean, well, it's based on an old thing.

[1:04:59] It's less old than the other ones.

[1:05:00] It's pretty old now.

[1:05:03] Because we're old now.

[1:05:05] Do pulpy war movies count?

[1:05:07] Because then there's The Lost Patrol or Sahara.

[1:05:09] Yeah, Cross of Iron.

[1:05:10] Good ones.

[1:05:11] Cross of Iron.

[1:05:12] Cross of Iron is one of those movies, when I finally watched, I remember seeing the box

[1:05:18] for it when I worked at Suncoast Motion Picture, and I'm like, they made a movie where the

[1:05:21] heroes are the Nazis?

[1:05:22] And I finally watched it a couple years ago, and I'm like, there's good stuff for this

[1:05:26] movie, but I'm still not quite sure why they made this movie.

[1:05:28] Yeah, it's crazy.

[1:05:30] Because then there's some of the pulpier westerns, like Winchester 73 is a fun kind of adventure

[1:05:37] western where this one gun is kind of going through different hands.

[1:05:40] But it's like, what do you mean by pulp, basically?

[1:05:44] What counts?

[1:05:45] But you can't go wrong with, I mean, you can go wrong in terms of racial sensitivity, but

[1:05:49] with movies like King Kong or Gangadan or The Man Who Would Be King or those Errol Flynn

[1:05:54] or Burt Lancaster pirate movies.

[1:05:56] The Adventures of Robin Hood is such a fun one, and it's so beautiful, it's so colorful,

[1:06:00] you know?

[1:06:01] John Carter of Mars.

[1:06:02] Yeah.

[1:06:03] Okay.

[1:06:04] I think it's just called John Carter.

[1:06:06] I call it Mars.

[1:06:07] Not in my household.

[1:06:09] Okay, so, and we have another letter here, the final letter.

[1:06:15] It's from Quinn, last name withheld.

[1:06:16] I want to say one thing.

[1:06:17] I wrote this in an email to myself, and I had started with Old Pulpy Adventure Movies,

[1:06:21] but it autocorrected to Old Puppy Adventure Movies.

[1:06:25] Old Yeller.

[1:06:26] It's not really an adventure.

[1:06:27] There's some adventures in there.

[1:06:28] I guess so.

[1:06:29] Dan, this is the greatest adventure.

[1:06:30] No, the voyage to the undiscovered continent.

[1:06:31] Yeah.

[1:06:32] You see.

[1:06:33] Undiscovered country.

[1:06:34] White shores.

[1:06:35] This is from Quinn, last name withheld, who writes, this letter's titled, Two Comments

[1:06:47] and a Question.

[1:06:48] Dear Peaches.

[1:06:49] All right.

[1:06:50] To Elliot, happy birthday.

[1:06:51] To Dan.

[1:06:52] Thanks.

[1:06:53] As of the recording of this, my birthday was a month ago, but I'll take it.

[1:06:56] To Dan, your clumsy tongue delights me.

[1:06:58] Don't ever change.

[1:06:59] To Stu.

[1:07:00] That's what she said about Dan's clumsy tongue.

[1:07:03] Okay.

[1:07:04] To Stu, what kind of Bloody Mary mix do you use at your bars?

[1:07:08] Much love.

[1:07:09] Oh, I mean, I think it's, we can't leave it to the bartender to just kind of whip it up,

[1:07:16] but it is generally, you know, tomato juice, hot sauce, soy sauce, lemon juice, salt, pepper.

[1:07:25] So you don't use a mix though, you use a-

[1:07:26] No, we make it fresh.

[1:07:28] The one thing I almost always insist on is, I think the best way to make a Bloody Mary

[1:07:33] is to throw a splash of Guinness in there as well, because it adds a little bit of like

[1:07:39] neediness to it, a little bit of umami.

[1:07:41] Okay.

[1:07:42] Well-

[1:07:43] It tastes like breakfast.

[1:07:45] Learned.

[1:07:46] And important.

[1:07:47] I don't think umami is the right word, but like a little bit of, you know.

[1:07:49] I know, umami is that kind of like meaty richness.

[1:07:51] Yeah, yeah.

[1:07:52] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:07:54] So let's go on to the final segment, which is recommendations, movies that you'd be better

[1:08:01] served watching than Bridehard.

[1:08:02] Yeah, real quick, Dan, you can't recommend Bridehard.

[1:08:05] Okay.

[1:08:06] This is gonna be hard then.

[1:08:07] It's difficult, yeah.

[1:08:09] You vlogged it like five times in your letterbox.

[1:08:13] Like that time my brother and I rented Ski School and watched it, or Ski Patrol, sorry,

[1:08:17] we weren't allowed to rent Ski School.

[1:08:20] We rented Ski Patrol and like watched it like seven times in a weekend.

[1:08:23] Yeah, you're just really into the idea of patrolling, just like sort of being orderly.

[1:08:32] This is a movie that doesn't need my critical support, because it's been getting plenty,

[1:08:36] but I will say it's the movie that I saw recently that I enjoyed the most, so I'm recommending

[1:08:41] it.

[1:08:42] It's Marty Supreme.

[1:08:43] I saw it yesterday.

[1:08:45] It was, I mean, it's just like kind of an electric movie.

[1:08:51] It just-

[1:08:52] Oh, it's not one of those analog candlelit movies where you have to crank it while you're

[1:08:56] watching?

[1:08:57] I'm saying-

[1:08:58] Yeah, like fucking Nosferatu.

[1:08:59] It crackles with energy.

[1:09:00] It is 150 minutes long.

[1:09:02] I did not feel the length.

[1:09:03] I felt the length of the 90 minute-ish Bridehard much more.

[1:09:09] Yeah.

[1:09:10] What about Dr. Doodle-Doodle?

[1:09:11] It's the same runtime?

[1:09:15] It's just, it's filled with surprises.

[1:09:17] It's filled with like interesting faces, like the cast of this as well.

[1:09:22] Like in supporting roles, you have Abel Ferrara is in it as an actor, like Fran Drescher shows

[1:09:29] up, Penn Jillette shows up, like interesting choices, but like, and at the center of it,

[1:09:36] it's just like Timothee Chalamet, you know, early on in his career, I was like, who's

[1:09:42] this mouse man who's taking America by storm?

[1:09:44] I wasn't necessarily a believer, and now I'm a full convert.

[1:09:49] He is one of our great actors now.

[1:09:52] It is a really just a terrific movie filled with energy and stress.

[1:10:00] as safty movies tend to be.

[1:10:02] This is Josh Safty.

[1:10:04] On stress levels, where would it sit

[1:10:06] in the good time and uncut gems pantheon?

[1:10:10] I mean, less than uncut gems,

[1:10:14] maybe more than good times,

[1:10:16] just because-

[1:10:17] Good times are pretty stressed out.

[1:10:19] But like the skill of the director has increased,

[1:10:23] so you know.

[1:10:23] Yeah, he can ratchet it up.

[1:10:27] I'm gonna recommend a movie I saw,

[1:10:29] this was the last movie I saw in the theater of 2025,

[1:10:33] and boy, it was a banger.

[1:10:35] That's right, No Other Choice by Park Chan-wook,

[1:10:38] arguably my most anticipated movie of the year,

[1:10:41] and it delivers.

[1:10:43] I have loved, I mean, I've loved all his movies,

[1:10:47] but I feel like he's on such a tear.

[1:10:50] This is a movie about a man who works for a paper company,

[1:10:56] who unceremoniously loses his job,

[1:11:00] and is forced to try and get a new job,

[1:11:04] and his only option, of course,

[1:11:06] is to kill his other competitors for his same job,

[1:11:11] despite the fact that they were all winners

[1:11:13] of the Pulp Man Award for being the Pulp Man of the Year.

[1:11:18] And it's like, his last two movies particularly

[1:11:22] have been such Hitchcockian thrillers,

[1:11:25] but there's also so much stuff going on underneath.

[1:11:27] I feel like I love how Park Chan-wook's movies,

[1:11:30] like lately specifically, have this sheen of civility

[1:11:37] that is, there's just boiling emotions underneath

[1:11:40] that then explode, and he, as a craftsman,

[1:11:44] his movies have become so interesting

[1:11:47] with the way the camera moves,

[1:11:49] and the way he does dissolves and overlays.

[1:11:52] It's just such a great, like it's both a fun thriller,

[1:11:56] it also feels very timely and of the moment,

[1:11:59] what with AI coming for all of our jobs.

[1:12:02] And yeah, it's great, I loved it.

[1:12:06] No other choice, check it out.

[1:12:07] I haven't gotten to see really any new movies lately,

[1:12:11] and I haven't seen a lot that I was really into.

[1:12:15] I've had to watch some Flophouse movies,

[1:12:17] but those would be terrible to recommend.

[1:12:20] Bridehart is one of them.

[1:12:21] So instead I was like, what's a funny movie

[1:12:23] that has a wedding in it that's genuinely funny?

[1:12:26] So I'm just gonna recommend The Palm Beach Story,

[1:12:30] a movie that has two wedding scenes in them.

[1:12:32] I guess they're pretty short, they're very short.

[1:12:34] But it's just a really funny movie.

[1:12:36] It's a Preston Sturgis movie, Claudette Colpert,

[1:12:38] Joel McRae, Mary Astor's in it, Rudy Valli's in it.

[1:12:42] It's super funny, I don't wanna tell you what happens in it

[1:12:44] because I think part of the fun of it

[1:12:46] is recognizing that the plot is not super important

[1:12:49] to a certain extent, but it's really funny.

[1:12:52] If you wanna watch a funny movie

[1:12:53] that also has a wedding in it, watch The Palm Beach Story.

[1:12:58] Well, that's the show, and we should sign off

[1:13:02] because we got more to do.

[1:13:05] So peek behind the curtain.

[1:13:06] Tonight we've got Flop TV,

[1:13:08] so let's close up shop on this episode.

[1:13:14] We have one thing.

[1:13:15] Turn out the lights, take down the circus tent,

[1:13:16] wipe off the grease paint, yeah.

[1:13:20] Wipe the grease paint off the circus tent.

[1:13:22] Yeah, why do we put all that grease paint

[1:13:24] on the circus tent?

[1:13:26] I wanna thank our network, Maximum Fun.

[1:13:29] Go to maximumfun.org.

[1:13:31] There's a lot of other great shows, more all the time.

[1:13:35] Check them out.

[1:13:37] It's a wonderful place.

[1:13:39] It's a worker-owned co-op.

[1:13:41] It's one of the few ethical places you can send your money,

[1:13:46] I say, as we approach Maximum Fun Drive

[1:13:49] in my various businesses.

[1:13:52] I don't know.

[1:13:53] I'm gonna beat Dan's ass.

[1:13:57] And I wanna thank Alex Smith, our producer.

[1:14:00] He does a lot of great creative work on his own.

[1:14:04] He makes music under the name HowlDotty.

[1:14:06] He also does a podcast under the name HowlDotty

[1:14:09] where he talks to a giant possum.

[1:14:12] It's very funny.

[1:14:14] Check that out.

[1:14:15] But for The Flop House, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:14:17] I'm Stewart Wellington.

[1:14:19] I'm Elliot Kaelin.

[1:14:20] Okay, see ya in the bride pages.

[1:14:24] How'd that work?

[1:14:25] I guess that worked.

[1:14:26] Perfect, perfect.

[1:14:27] A plus.

[1:14:35] Sometimes people like the seat of our pants.

[1:14:37] Oh, yeah, I'm into it.

[1:14:38] Yeah, I'm into it.

[1:14:40] Dan, we know you love the seat of certain people's pants.

[1:14:43] Wives.

[1:14:44] Yeah.

[1:14:48] Oh, it got so specific.

[1:14:49] Oh, okay, the lore.

[1:14:51] The butt lore, okay.

[1:14:53] Yeah, yeah, do you think there's ever a situation

[1:14:55] where Dan's like, ooh, check out that keister.

[1:14:57] Wait a minute, no wedding ring, I'm out of here.

[1:15:00] No ring, no thank you.

[1:15:02] Red flag.

[1:15:05] He's really in it more for the fantasy.

[1:15:06] That butt can't commit.

[1:15:07] Speaking of butts, I was really-

[1:15:10] Dan, that is a butt that can't quit and can't commit.

[1:15:13] Speaking of butts, I've been excited to talk a lot

[1:15:16] about Heated Rivalry, the hockey show.

[1:15:18] We cannot stop talking about this.

[1:15:20] The hockey butts.

[1:15:21] I haven't seen it.

[1:15:22] What I really hope is that somewhere there exists

[1:15:26] like dads who are just really into hockey

[1:15:29] who are like, well, it's a show about hockey, I'll watch it.

[1:15:33] There's a little too much sex for me,

[1:15:34] but you know, there's some good hockey.

[1:15:36] Let me ask one David E. Kaelin

[1:15:38] what his feelings are about it.

[1:15:39] You should.

[1:15:41] I genuinely am interested.

[1:15:42] You're bringing it up so much, I'm like,

[1:15:44] are you discovering something about yourself, Stuart?

[1:15:46] What is this?

[1:15:47] I think Stuart's been on this discovery quest

[1:15:51] for quite a while now.

[1:15:52] Discovery quest.

[1:15:59] What a TV show that was.

[1:16:00] What a series of young adult books.

[1:16:02] Yeah, it's a TV show based on a series of young adult books.

[1:16:06] It's a PBS show, it's educational,

[1:16:08] where young people go to different locations

[1:16:09] around the world and different times

[1:16:11] to learn about Stuart's more and more ambiguous sexuality.

[1:16:16] Okay.

[1:16:17] I just love blasting is all.

[1:16:18] Yeah, you don't care, do you?

[1:16:21] I just love blasting.

[1:16:22] You're just happy to see someone get some.

[1:16:23] You're just like X-Force's cannonball.

[1:16:25] You know, as long as he's blasting, he's nigh invulnerable.

[1:16:29] Okay, well, we've warmed up plenty.

[1:16:31] Like X-Force's cannonball.

[1:16:33] Yeah, I guess technically he is pretty warm, right?

[1:16:36] Did they ever address how warm he gets

[1:16:38] inside his little force bubble?

[1:16:39] I don't think they did.

[1:16:40] Well, the fact that from the way sound,

[1:16:42] he just becomes flame and smoke

[1:16:43] when he's blasting, you know?

[1:16:44] He's pretty cool.

[1:16:45] He's pretty warm.

[1:16:46] Can he pee while he's blasting?

[1:16:49] That's a good question.

[1:16:50] I asked that at sex ed,

[1:16:51] but the teacher got mad at me and kicked me out.

[1:16:55] Maximum fun.

[1:16:56] A worker-owned network.

[1:16:57] Of artist-owned shows.

[1:16:59] Supported.

[1:17:00] Directly.

[1:17:01] By you.

Bride Hard

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