In the Lost Lands

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss In the Lost Lands.

Stuart Wellington

[0:03] Based on the work of my new best friend, George R.R. Martin.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:34] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:38] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:40] I say my last name really high-pitched now.

[0:42] That's the way it's pronounced, yeah.

[0:43] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[0:44] Are you going to be really insistent about that?

[0:46] I'll probably forget in a couple seconds.

Elliott Kalan

[0:48] Okay, great.

Dan McCoy

[0:49] Hey, this is a podcast where we watch a movie that has been rejected

[0:54] either commercially or critically and talk about it.

[0:58] Yeah.

[0:59] And because I said that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01] Dan, did you surprise yourself with how professionally you did that?

Dan McCoy

[1:02] No, that's literally what I was about to say.

[1:04] It's like I've never said that so succinctly,

[1:06] and now I don't know what to do.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08] Dan had the look on his face of a toddler

[1:10] who has taken three steps on their own for the first time

[1:13] and is baffled by what they just did,

[1:15] and they don't know how they accomplished it.

Dan McCoy

[1:16] Yeah, I don't know where to go from here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19] Well, you take a sip of whatever you're drinking,

[1:21] even though you're the one introducing the show.

Dan McCoy

[1:23] Well, but is there more?

[1:24] I mean, is there more?

[1:25] We watched In the Lost Lands

[1:29] a film based on, I guess,

[1:31] sort of three shorter works by George R. R. Martin.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35] It's adapted from a couple of different short stories

[1:37] by George Ronald Reagan Martin,

[1:39] creator of Game of Thrones.

[1:40] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:41] Yeah, and, you know,

[1:43] it's got all the same level of, you know,

[1:46] compelling characters and just like wanting to.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50] Stuart, had you read the stories,

[1:52] and we should say this is a Paul W.S. Anderson film.

[1:54] We've done other,

[1:55] we've done at least one other Paul W.S. Anderson films.

[1:57] Which one?

[1:58] Pompeii?

[1:58] The three,

[1:59] we did at least two,

[2:00] three Musketeers we did.

[2:02] Oh, I forgot we did that.

[2:03] And also Pompeii we did.

Stuart Wellington

[2:03] Wow.

[2:04] He, yeah,

[2:05] so he like dug his way out of direct-to-video hell

[2:08] and then dug his way back in.

Elliott Kalan

[2:10] He's done.

[2:10] And there's actually something kind of sweet about it

[2:12] because he and his wife,

[2:13] Mila Jovovich,

[2:13] just kind of make movies together.

[2:14] They just make.

[2:15] Yeah, it's great.

[2:16] Cruddy action science fiction movies together.

Stuart Wellington

[2:18] Of my directorial wife guys,

[2:20] he's one of my favorites.

Dan McCoy

[2:22] I have to, yeah,

[2:23] I have to admit,

[2:23] I have a certain fondness for him.

[2:25] Like he's done a lot of crap,

[2:27] but like he's also done stuff that is pretty fun.

[2:31] You know,

[2:31] he did Event Horizon.

[2:33] I liked the first Resident Evil pretty well,

[2:36] even though it went into like a crazy,

[2:39] you know,

[2:39] continuity that I didn't care about.

[2:41] I think he,

Elliott Kalan

[2:42] of all the,

[2:43] of the people who make kind of not great,

[2:46] movies.

[2:47] I do have a,

[2:48] more of a fondness for him than I do for other.

Dan McCoy

[2:50] He has a flair for his not great movies.

Elliott Kalan

[2:52] He,

[2:52] of course,

[2:53] he did the Mortal,

[2:53] first Mortal Kombat movie.

[2:55] Yeah.

[2:55] Which,

[2:55] as a kid,

[2:56] it was just exciting to see a video game on screen

[2:58] for the first time.

[2:59] Now,

[2:59] of course,

[3:00] all the movies are based on video games,

[3:02] so that's less exciting than it once was.

[3:03] And most,

Stuart Wellington

[3:04] some of them are on screens.

[3:05] And I went into the screens,

[3:06] big screens.

[3:08] I went into this with.

[3:08] Lift up a kid's t-shirt,

Elliott Kalan

[3:10] on their belly,

[3:10] you'll see a little screen playing a video game movie.

Stuart Wellington

[3:12] That's Videodrome for you.

[3:13] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[3:14] all the kids are Videodrome these days,

[3:16] Dan.

[3:16] They're all like,

[3:17] six,

[3:17] seven,

[3:18] put a VHS tape in my belly.

[3:20] It's all Videodrome.

[3:21] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[3:21] Yeah.

[3:21] I didn't know that.

[3:23] No,

[3:23] I went into this movie with kind of,

[3:25] a certain amount of,

[3:26] mild hope,

[3:29] I guess.

[3:29] You know,

[3:30] and like,

[3:30] at the beginning of the movie,

[3:31] I was still feeling it,

[3:32] because I'm like,

[3:33] well,

[3:33] you know,

[3:34] this is,

[3:34] at least it's giving me nostalgia

[3:37] for the crap of yesteryear,

[3:38] because this really feels like,

[3:40] you know,

[3:41] late 90s through the,

[3:42] like,

[3:43] like 2010,

[3:44] maybe sort of,

[3:46] vibe of,

[3:47] a B movie that we used to get.

[3:49] Yes.

[3:50] And we don't really anymore,

[3:52] but,

[3:52] uh.

Elliott Kalan

[3:52] I would say,

[3:53] I'm saying it's hurt a little bit

[3:55] by the fact that the visuals

[3:56] are consistently muddy and ugly.

[3:58] Everything is kind of a grim melange

[4:01] of browns and oranges.

[4:04] But there's a certain,

[4:05] but that's the way it was back then.

[4:06] There's a certain charm.

[4:07] Back in the future,

[4:08] Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[4:09] There is a certain charm

[4:11] from like,

[4:11] an early 2000s,

[4:13] like,

[4:13] Euro,

[4:15] cheapo,

[4:15] sci-fi adventure.

[4:17] It does feel like that.

[4:18] Where like,

[4:18] everything is so soundstage-y.

[4:21] Like,

[4:21] it just looks like,

[4:23] kind of trashy.

Elliott Kalan

[4:23] It has the color palette

[4:24] of late Scooby-Doo.

[4:27] So,

[4:28] Stuart,

[4:28] I was curious,

[4:29] so this is based on three

[4:30] George R.

[4:30] R.

Elliott Kalan

[4:31] Martin,

[4:31] and I said his name

[4:32] is George Ronald Reagan Martin,

[4:33] that of course is a joke.

[4:34] His name is George Ronald Rick Donald Martin.

[4:37] The three stories

[4:38] it's based on are

[4:39] The Lonely Songs of Larendor,

[4:41] In the Lost Lands,

[4:42] and Bitter Blooms.

[4:43] Have you read any of those stories?

Stuart Wellington

[4:44] I don't think I've read any of them,

[4:46] although they're probably

[4:46] in a story collection

[4:48] I have somewhere

[4:49] on one of my shows.

Elliott Kalan

[4:50] It looks like

[4:50] one of them is in the story collection

[4:51] Songs of Stars and Shadows.

[4:53] Another is in the collection

[4:54] Sand Kings.

[4:56] And one of them

[4:56] is in a book called

[4:57] Amazons 2,

[4:58] which is an anthology

[4:59] of stories about Amazons.

Stuart Wellington

[5:00] I cannot stress enough

[5:01] how awesome

[5:02] the short story

[5:03] Sand Kings is,

[5:04] which was adapted to

[5:05] what a

[5:06] Amazing Stories episode.

[5:10] But that is a

[5:11] all-timer

[5:12] great short story,

[5:13] but I don't remember

[5:14] reading any of the stories

[5:17] that this is based on.

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] Okay,

[5:19] I'll have to read

[5:19] Sand Kings sometime.

[5:20] Yeah,

[5:21] it's awesome.

[5:22] So let's talk about

[5:23] this movie,

[5:24] In the Lost Land.

[5:25] So I was hoping Stuart

[5:27] could give us some expert

[5:28] understanding of how it might be

[5:29] the same or different

[5:30] from the stories

[5:31] that will be lacking

[5:32] this episode.

[5:33] We're going into it blind.

Stuart Wellington

[5:34] So I hope you took notes

[5:37] and you didn't just plan

[5:38] on asking me,

[5:39] did this happen?

Elliott Kalan

[5:40] That was my main,

[5:41] yes,

[5:42] my notes are mostly me saying,

[5:43] it just says,

[5:44] ask Stu,

[5:45] like the stories,

[5:46] ask Stu,

[5:48] Ray Faithful,

[5:49] relevant.

[5:50] So we're going to be

[5:51] going into this blind,

[5:52] much like people

[5:53] of the far future

[5:54] entering the Lost Lands.

[5:56] Now let's talk about

[5:56] what happens.

[5:57] We start,

[5:58] as all great movies start,

[5:59] with a blurry Dave Bautista

[6:01] walking into frame

[6:02] all scarred up on his face

[6:03] and he says,

[6:04] he's got a story to it

[6:05] for us about witches

[6:06] and magic and monsters,

[6:07] but this is no fairy tale

[6:08] and there are no happy endings.

[6:10] Title,

Dan McCoy

[6:11] In the Lost Lands.

[6:12] He says,

[6:12] thank you for coming

[6:13] and seeing

[6:14] In the Lost Lands

[6:15] in the theater.

[6:16] Guys,

[6:16] you got me,

[6:17] got me a little

[6:18] chipped up.

[6:19] What you're about to see

[6:19] is a story called

Elliott Kalan

[6:21] Now I'll warn you,

[6:22] it may be too terrifying

[6:23] for you.

[6:24] Don't worry,

[6:25] nurses have been stationed

[6:27] outside your house

[6:28] because you're watching it

[6:29] on streaming

[6:29] in case you have any problems.

[6:31] Stuart,

[6:31] sorry,

[6:31] what were you saying?

Stuart Wellington

[6:32] Yeah,

[6:32] I was just saying

[6:33] Davey B walking into frame

[6:34] and threatening me

[6:35] with a story of witches

[6:36] and adventure.

[6:38] Yeah.

[6:38] Hell yeah,

[6:39] baby.

[6:39] You love it,

Elliott Kalan

[6:40] yeah.

[6:41] Stuart was the focus group,

[6:42] it was just him

[6:43] and he just kept

[6:44] turning the dial

[6:44] to extra positive.

[6:45] More scars.

Stuart Wellington

[6:46] It was me

[6:47] and Steve Kostansky

[6:49] who I was texting

[6:50] the whole time.

[6:52] Had Steve seen the movie?

[6:54] No,

[6:54] but he loves

[6:54] Paul W.S. Anderson

[6:56] or at least likes him

[6:57] because he's one of those guys

[6:58] who operates

[6:59] in that world

[7:00] of like,

[7:01] that like,

[7:02] kind of cheapo

[7:04] direct-to-video adventures

[7:06] that are shot primarily

[7:07] in Eastern Europe.

[7:08] this is a world

[7:09] that I someday hope

[7:10] Steve gets to enter

[7:12] and have some kind

[7:14] of creature shop

[7:15] that is,

[7:15] you know,

[7:16] like a mile tall

[7:17] so he can make his own

[7:18] or thank.

Elliott Kalan

[7:19] All he has to do

[7:20] is marry me a Jovovich

[7:21] and he can do it.

[7:22] So,

[7:22] Steve,

[7:23] that's the goal.

[7:24] So,

[7:25] in voiceover narration,

[7:26] after the opening titles,

[7:28] Dave Bautista tells us

[7:28] that a great war

[7:29] left behind

[7:30] the Lost Lands,

[7:31] which is most of the lands.

[7:32] they're all,

[7:33] there's monsters

[7:34] and creepy stuff

[7:35] and whatever

[7:36] and it's a future

[7:37] of magic and mystery

[7:38] and radiation

[7:39] or whatever.

[7:39] All of humanity.

Stuart Wellington

[7:40] It's a post-apocalyptic

[7:41] fantasy,

[7:42] basically.

[7:42] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[7:43] All of humanity,

[7:44] this is your classic,

[7:45] like you're saying

[7:45] about like,

[7:46] kind of cheapo

[7:47] shot in Eastern Europe,

[7:48] kind of usually

[7:49] direct-to-DVD

[7:49] or direct-to-video stuff.

[7:50] It's like your classic

[7:51] post-apocalyptic,

[7:53] it's kind of a Western,

[7:55] it's kind of a magical fantasy,

[7:57] you know,

[7:57] there's a lot of like ruined,

[7:59] they walk by ruined buildings

[8:00] and things like that,

[8:01] you know.

Stuart Wellington

[8:01] And it wears it

[8:02] on its sleeve

[8:03] a little more openly

[8:04] than say like Star Wars,

[8:05] which is basically

[8:06] more of a fantasy

[8:07] than a science fiction story.

Elliott Kalan

[8:09] Yes,

[8:09] this is an argument

[8:10] I've been having

[8:10] with my younger son

[8:11] who's suddenly into Star Wars.

[8:12] One of his friends

[8:13] told him Star Wars

[8:14] isn't science fiction

[8:14] and I was like,

[8:15] well,

[8:15] it's kind of not,

[8:16] like it's not really science,

[8:17] it's like fantasy

[8:18] dressed up with robots

[8:19] and spaceships,

[8:20] but there's no science.

[8:21] And then an hour

Stuart Wellington

[8:21] after your son

[8:22] stopped crying,

[8:23] you were able

[8:24] to talk about serious stuff.

[8:24] An hour later,

Elliott Kalan

[8:25] I was in the hospital

[8:26] getting my wounds bound up

[8:28] after the argument

[8:30] went too far.

[8:31] Came at you

Dan McCoy

[8:32] like a Tasmanian devil.

[8:33] Yeah,

[8:33] he was all spinning around

[8:34] going blah,

[8:35] blah,

[8:36] blah.

[8:36] And he went right

[8:37] to a tree.

[8:38] Who was that guy

[8:38] from the Marauders?

[8:39] That Riptide?

Elliott Kalan

[8:40] Riptide,

[8:41] I think is his name.

[8:42] Or maybe it's Riptide.

[8:42] Yeah,

[8:43] Riptide.

[8:43] That's right.

[8:46] His head just stays still

[8:48] and his body turns to

[8:49] and his body turns to

[8:49] fucking rules.

[8:50] Yeah,

[8:50] he seems to have

[8:50] a rotating neck

[8:52] that can go 180 degrees.

[8:53] Dan,

[8:54] you know this character,

[8:54] right?

[8:54] Riptide from the Marauders

[8:55] who works for Mr. Sinister.

[8:56] I'm familiar with this.

[8:57] The Morlock Massacre.

[8:58] Hello, Dan.

[8:59] The Morlock Massacre

Stuart Wellington

[8:59] was pretty intense.

[9:01] It's the only good thing

[9:02] the Marauders ever did.

Elliott Kalan

[9:03] I mean,

[9:03] that was,

[9:04] it was,

[9:04] I'm just going to go

[9:05] out on a limb.

[9:06] The Marauders are the best

[9:07] of the,

[9:08] Chris Claremont

[9:08] suddenly introduces

[9:09] a whole team of bad guys

[9:10] and they all have

[9:11] different names and powers

[9:12] because he would do that a lot.

[9:18] to deal with me, X-Men.

[9:19] But the Marauders

[9:19] are the best of those

[9:20] but still they don't do much.

[9:21] There's that one guy

[9:22] who just wears

[9:23] like a skinny tie

[9:24] and a suit

[9:24] and can do something

[9:25] with your mind.

[9:26] I can't remember his name.

Stuart Wellington

[9:27] Yeah,

[9:27] and one of them

[9:28] is going to just get

[9:28] annihilated by Havok

[9:30] early on

[9:31] and then Havok's like,

Elliott Kalan

[9:32] oh shit,

[9:33] I didn't think

[9:33] I'd kill you totally.

[9:35] But it's okay

[9:35] because they're all clones.

[9:36] They keep coming back.

[9:38] There's Arclight

[9:39] is another one, right?

Stuart Wellington

[9:40] That's a dope name, yeah.

[9:41] Yeah,

[9:41] that's a great name.

Elliott Kalan

[9:42] Okay,

[9:42] and there was a theater

[9:43] named after it once,

[9:44] once.

[9:45] named after the mutant,

[9:46] yeah.

[9:47] And then the Riptide Theater

[9:48] is what I'm talking about.

[9:49] Oh man.

Dan McCoy

[9:50] Can I stop disassociating now?

[9:52] Oh yeah,

[9:53] in the lost,

Elliott Kalan

[9:53] yeah, you can.

[9:54] So all of humanity

[9:55] lives in one city

[9:56] which I find to be

[9:57] kind of silly.

[9:59] It's like,

[9:59] how'd they get there?

Stuart Wellington

[10:00] It's a city

[10:01] that has just like

[10:02] a giant skull

[10:03] as their-

[10:04] There's a giant skull,

Elliott Kalan

[10:05] there's a giant cross building.

[10:07] It's under,

[10:07] we'll find out

[10:08] it's under the control

[10:08] of the Overlord

[10:09] who is in a

[10:11] kind of tenuous

[10:12] power alliance

[10:13] with the church

[10:14] and the church's patriarch.

[10:16] Now,

Dan McCoy

[10:17] yes.

[10:17] I want to say something,

[10:18] like maybe this is,

[10:19] maybe this is more

[10:21] of a overview thing

[10:22] that I should say

[10:22] for the end

[10:23] but I've started

[10:24] talking now.

[10:25] Like one of my big problems

[10:26] with this movie

[10:28] is it relies so much

[10:30] on sort of

[10:32] palace intrigue

[10:34] of a bunch of factions

[10:35] that we are not

[10:36] really ever properly

[10:37] introduced to

[10:39] or given a reason

[10:39] to care about.

Elliott Kalan

[10:40] And they're so

[10:41] totally unrelated

[10:42] to the main story

[10:44] of our main two characters

[10:45] in a way.

[10:46] And so every time

[10:47] I went to the palace

[10:47] intrigue,

[10:47] I agree.

[10:48] I was like,

[10:48] I don't care.

[10:49] I don't care about

[10:50] any of this.

[10:51] I don't know why

[10:51] I'm supposed to care

[10:52] about any of this.

Stuart Wellington

[10:53] You guys mentioned

[10:55] Overlord.

[10:56] Sounds like you were

[10:57] overboard.

Dan McCoy

[11:01] Accurate?

[11:02] Oh, God.

[11:03] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[11:03] Oh,

[11:04] you've hurt his kidneys.

[11:06] Stu, you've got to

[11:09] don't do that again,

[11:10] Stu, because it's too much.

[11:12] Too much.

[11:13] Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[11:15] Oh, too funny.

[11:18] That is too funny, Stu.

[11:19] But Dan, you were saying?

Dan McCoy

[11:21] Well, as far as dull

[11:22] as this movie is,

[11:23] it's one of the few times

[11:24] when I would argue

[11:24] like this would work better

[11:26] as like a TV show

[11:28] or something

[11:29] where we can explore.

Elliott Kalan

[11:32] No one, Dan.

[11:32] You're like,

[11:33] you are the joke

[11:34] from Annie Hall.

[11:35] Oh, the food is bad

[11:36] in such small portions.

[11:37] No.

[11:38] I don't want more of this, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[11:39] But like,

[11:40] if you're going to do a story

[11:41] of this nature,

[11:43] you need more space

[11:44] to explore

[11:45] like what all these

[11:47] different factions mean

[11:48] and it doesn't exist here

[11:50] is what I'm saying.

Elliott Kalan

[11:51] Or you can just present them

[11:52] as being,

[11:53] as having some kind

[11:54] of personality

[11:54] or identifying characteristics

[11:56] that is more than just

[11:58] this person is the queen.

[12:00] Okay, do they have

[12:00] a personality?

[12:01] Not really.

[12:02] Here's the patriarch,

[12:03] head of the church.

[12:03] Why is he doing it?

[12:05] Who cares?

[12:05] Doesn't matter.

[12:06] He's just evil.

[12:07] He's a bad guy.

[12:07] I mean,

Dan McCoy

[12:07] and this all ties

[12:08] into my secondary major problem

[12:09] which I think you're about

[12:10] to get to

[12:11] so I'll hold off.

[12:11] I don't know.

[12:12] We'll see.

Elliott Kalan

[12:12] Not enough werewolves.

[12:15] Yeah, just one.

[12:16] Just the one werewolf.

[12:18] So I'm going to introduce

[12:19] our main character.

[12:21] One of our two main characters.

[12:22] This is when we hear

[12:22] about Grey Alice,

[12:24] the legend of Grey Alice

[12:24] that a witch emerged

[12:25] from Lost Lands one day.

[12:27] It's Milla Jovovich

[12:27] and she's about to be hanged

[12:29] for divine the church.

[12:30] There's a character

[12:30] called the Enforcer

[12:31] who's like a tough lady

[12:33] church enforcer.

[12:34] She's kind of like

[12:35] if you're British,

[12:36] Joan of Arc is evil

[12:37] but I don't consider her that way.

[12:39] And she's got

Dan McCoy

[12:39] kind of a shaggy mullet

[12:40] that made her look

[12:41] kind of like Parker Posey to me.

[12:43] You're talking about

[12:44] Grey Alice?

Stuart Wellington

[12:45] Grey Alice.

[12:46] No, no.

[12:46] Grey Alice does.

[12:47] Yes.

[12:47] She does have a cool grey mullet

[12:49] and she's got some face tattoos.

Elliott Kalan

[12:51] And she's got face

[12:52] and like chest bone tattoos

[12:55] like over her clavicles.

[12:57] Sternum.

[12:58] Sternum.

[12:58] Thank you.

[12:59] Her sternum

[13:00] that she uses to cook

[13:01] at her hobo campfire.

[13:04] Grey Alice.

[13:05] Yeah, she's got tattoos

[13:07] on her face.

[13:09] She's going to be hanged

[13:10] for defying the church

[13:11] and selling wishes

[13:12] to the people.

[13:13] As we'll learn,

[13:14] Grey Alice can grant wishes

[13:15] and she cannot deny a request.

[13:18] She must fulfill any request

[13:19] that someone makes of her.

[13:20] Why?

[13:21] That's an intriguing mystery.

[13:22] We will never find out.

[13:23] It doesn't matter.

[13:25] And so when they...

Dan McCoy

[13:26] I don't have much hay of that either.

[13:27] It's just sort of the inciting

[13:28] like, oh, you have to do

[13:30] what I told you.

[13:31] Like, couldn't it just be

[13:32] because she's the queen?

[13:34] No, no.

[13:34] It's just kind of useless.

Elliott Kalan

[13:36] Because the smartest thing

[13:38] about the movie

[13:38] is that they're setting her up

[13:39] in a situation

[13:40] where she has to fulfill

[13:41] two conflicting wishes.

[13:42] That's her drive

[13:43] in the stories.

[13:44] And by the end of it,

[13:45] you realize there's something

[13:45] she wants

[13:46] that conflicts with the wishes

[13:48] she has to fulfill.

[13:49] Yes.

[13:49] So if this was a...

[13:50] If the movie was a little bit...

Stuart Wellington

[13:52] These are the glimmers

[13:52] that make me realize

[13:53] it's based on a short story

[13:55] written by somebody

[13:55] who knows how to write

[13:56] short stories.

Elliott Kalan

[13:57] Yes, exactly.

[13:57] I feel the same way

[13:58] about Stuart

[13:59] where it's like,

[13:59] oh, this is an intriguing premise

[14:00] but I have to do

[14:02] these two things

[14:03] but they conflict.

[14:04] How do I resolve them both?

[14:05] It's the kind of thing

[14:06] that Isaac Asimov's

[14:07] robot stories would do so well

[14:09] here's the rules

[14:09] the robot has to follow.

[14:11] Now, how am I going to make it

[14:11] so that the robot screws up

[14:12] regardless of those rules?

Stuart Wellington

[14:14] You know?

[14:14] Sure.

[14:15] And then Chee McBride

[14:16] has to go blast him

[14:17] with shotguns.

[14:18] The problem with the way...

[14:19] That's not usually

[14:20] how the Isaac Asimov stories go.

[14:21] Not usually.

Elliott Kalan

[14:22] Just some of them.

[14:23] The problem with the way...

[14:24] I think that's how robot dreams ends

[14:25] with Chee McBride

[14:26] showing up just blasting that robot

[14:27] because he dared to have a dream.

Dan McCoy

[14:29] Jumping on a cigar,

[14:30] doing it.

[14:30] Hell yeah.

[14:31] But the problem

[14:32] with the way it's handled here

[14:33] is we don't sort of

[14:35] learn any of that

[14:36] until the end of the movie.

[14:39] So, like,

[14:40] we don't really get, like,

[14:41] the full sort of picture

[14:42] of, like, the conflicting,

[14:44] like, what everyone's

[14:45] motivations are.

[14:46] Well, I think it's...

[14:47] And I think...

[14:48] We don't really know exactly,

Elliott Kalan

[14:49] but also that we don't...

[14:50] She doesn't seem to care

[14:51] that much throughout.

[14:52] It isn't until the very end

[14:53] that she cares

[14:54] that these are conflicting things.

[14:55] Right.

Dan McCoy

[14:56] And I think it would be

[14:57] much more effective

[14:58] if we had a sense of that

[14:59] up top

[15:00] and saw it play out

[15:01] through the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[15:02] You're saying instead of

[15:02] having it as a reveal

[15:04] that is not satisfying,

[15:06] you would have it as

[15:07] the beginning.

[15:10] Yes.

[15:10] Like, we would know

[15:11] this information

[15:11] rather than finding it

[15:12] at the end

[15:12] and being like,

[15:13] okay, sure, fine.

[15:15] It might make us

Dan McCoy

[15:16] care about something.

Elliott Kalan

[15:17] So when we left

[15:18] Grey Atlas,

[15:18] who was about to be

[15:19] hanged to death

[15:20] for defying the church,

[15:21] she uses a little bit

[15:22] of witch magic

[15:22] to escape

[15:23] and gets out of there.

[15:26] Oh, the Grey Atlas magic.

[15:27] Okay, thank you.

[15:29] Or if she looks at somebody,

[15:30] she, like, kind of makes

[15:31] them see something

[15:32] that is not really there.

[15:33] She can create illusions.

[15:35] She's a lord of illusions,

[15:36] if you will,

[15:37] starring Scott Bakula,

Stuart Wellington

[15:38] who does not appear

[15:40] in the film.

[15:41] There's things about

[15:41] that movie that rock, guys.

[15:43] It's a movie that...

[15:44] I was like,

Dan McCoy

[15:44] I had it on my watch list

[15:46] and I started watching it

[15:47] and I was like,

[15:48] oh yeah, I forgot

[15:49] I watched this movie

[15:50] like three years ago.

[15:52] And then you proceeded

[15:53] to watch the rest of it.

Elliott Kalan

[15:55] I feel like there's no,

[15:55] there's nothing,

[15:56] there's no Clive Barker movie

[15:57] where there isn't

[15:58] one interesting thing in it,

[15:59] right?

[16:00] Like, there's always

[16:00] one interesting...

[16:01] The movies may not

[16:03] work that well,

[16:03] but there's nothing...

[16:04] I've never watched

[16:05] a Clive Barker thing

[16:05] and be like,

[16:06] well, I'm taking nothing

[16:06] away from this,

[16:07] even if it's just

[16:07] one moment that I like.

[16:09] So this is Clive Barker's

[16:12] No, it's not.

[16:13] So she gets free,

[16:15] the church soldiers

[16:16] are hunting her,

[16:17] but she does the old

[16:18] strike from the shadows routine.

[16:19] She's turning the tables

[16:20] on them one by one

[16:21] and the poor start chanting,

[16:23] the witch that will not hang,

[16:24] the witch that will not hang.

[16:25] Uh-oh.

[16:26] They can't let her be

[16:26] a flashpoint for a billion.

[16:27] Meanwhile,

[16:28] we're going to meet

[16:29] our other hero.

[16:30] His name is Boyce.

[16:31] Boyce!

[16:32] And I kept thinking

[16:33] his name was Royce

[16:34] until I turned on the captions.

[16:35] So it's Boyce.

[16:36] He's a Western-style gunslinger

[16:38] played by one David Batista.

[16:40] He's also got a lot of tattoos,

Stuart Wellington

[16:42] but it's just his

[16:42] normal Dave Batista tattoos.

[16:44] They didn't put falsies on him.

Elliott Kalan

[16:46] Yeah.

[16:47] And he rides into town.

[16:47] Yeah, he's not wearing falsies.

[16:49] A bunch of guys

[16:49] try to ambush him

[16:50] for some reason.

[16:51] He shoots a bunch of them.

[16:52] The only thing

[16:53] that's interesting about him

[16:54] is he has a non-working shotgun

[16:56] that he uses as bait

[16:57] that's guarded

[16:58] by a two-headed snake.

Dan McCoy

[17:00] Yeah, I saw a review of this

[17:03] that points out like

[17:04] this movie introduces

[17:05] a two-headed snake

[17:06] and then that two-headed snake

[17:08] gets killed almost immediately.

[17:10] It's so disappointing.

[17:11] It's like,

[17:11] why do you have something

[17:12] so awesome in this movie

Elliott Kalan

[17:13] and then just get it chopped up?

[17:15] Not since Jonah Hex

[17:16] has a snake-based character

[17:17] been introduced

[17:18] and then discarded so quickly

[17:19] when it's the most interesting

[17:21] thing in the movie.

[17:22] Gray Alice,

[17:23] she visits a blind old lady

[17:24] and they do things.

[17:26] The old lady's like,

[17:27] I visited you when I was a child,

[17:28] but you sound the same.

[17:29] You must be very old.

[17:30] Alice is like,

[17:31] older than you realize.

[17:32] And she goes and sits on a throne.

[17:34] She's visited by

[17:34] Gerace of the Overwatch.

[17:36] Those are the king's commanders

[17:37] and some other people

[17:38] and also the queen of the city

[17:41] and she wants to buy a wish.

[17:43] She wants to buy the ability

[17:44] to change into a wolf

[17:45] and Alice is like,

[17:46] I can't refuse anybody.

[17:47] She wants to be a shapeshifter, yeah.

[17:48] Yeah.

[17:49] I'll go get a hunter.

[17:50] I'll steal a shapeshifter's power

[17:52] in the Lost Lands.

[17:53] I've got six days

[17:54] until the next full moon.

[17:55] An incredibly arbitrary

[17:56] expiration date or deadline.

Stuart Wellington

[17:59] I mean, if it didn't work

[18:00] within six days,

[18:01] just wait till the next full moon.

[18:02] Exactly.

[18:02] That's what, like, a month?

[18:03] It's just, you gotta be like,

Elliott Kalan

[18:04] hey, guess what?

[18:05] Sorry, you gotta wait a month.

[18:06] You know how contractors are.

[18:07] It's gonna happen anyway.

[18:07] Oh, this has been a little bit,

[18:09] oh, the part you ordered,

[18:11] the shapeshifter skin,

[18:12] it's on back order.

[18:13] Sorry, it's gonna take another month.

[18:15] Really?

[18:15] Yeah, yeah, but we'll get it to you.

[18:16] Yeah, she's gotta go grind some levels

[18:18] so she can kill the shapeshifter.

Dan McCoy

[18:19] And the queen wants to be a shapeshifter

[18:22] because she's having this affair and...

[18:25] We don't know that yet.

[18:26] Yeah, I'm just, I'm just,

[18:28] yeah, that's not important to my point.

[18:30] I'm just saying that, like,

[18:32] this isn't my other major difficulty

[18:35] with this movie.

[18:36] I mean, like, there's a lot of things wrong,

[18:38] but, like, this really bothered me,

[18:40] which is the whole impetus to this quest

[18:42] is essentially like,

[18:44] okay, the queen wants to have an affair

[18:46] and she asks a favor of this witch

[18:48] that this witch can't refuse

[18:50] and she wants, like, a shapeshifter pelt

[18:52] and it's like,

[18:54] that's not something that I care about

[18:57] as an audience member.

[18:58] Like, what is my investment?

[19:00] That's like, like,

[19:01] the main, the lead, Gray Alice,

[19:04] like, she doesn't even have a reason

[19:06] to care about what the queen has asked

[19:08] other than she has to do it, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[19:10] It feels like what you're talking about, Dan,

[19:12] where, like, information that would show,

[19:13] in a real movie,

[19:15] you don't have to care

[19:16] the same way the characters do,

[19:17] but you have to know the characters care about it.

[19:18] Like, you know,

[19:19] it's like in a heist movie,

[19:21] I'm not gonna see any of that money.

[19:22] If they pull off that heist,

[19:23] it doesn't help me,

[19:24] but I know the characters

[19:25] want to pull off the heist.

[19:26] It's gonna get them out of some situation

[19:28] that they're in that's important, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[19:29] It would have been relatively easy

[19:30] early on to introduce

[19:32] one of two possible things.

[19:34] Either A, stress that, like,

[19:37] if she doesn't do this for the queen,

[19:39] she will have no protection

[19:40] from the church who are trying to kill her,

[19:42] or B, that her specific curse,

[19:46] where she has to fulfill everybody's wishes,

[19:49] that if she tries to resist that,

[19:51] it will cause her damage.

[19:53] That there's some consequence.

[19:53] Her powers will be lost or something.

Elliott Kalan

[19:56] One of the things that hurts the movie

[19:57] is that the,

[19:58] there's no,

[19:59] we don't know of any consequences

[20:00] if the characters don't do this thing,

[20:03] and it's not a fun enough quest.

[20:04] Like, there's a,

[20:05] there's a way to do it

[20:06] where it's just,

[20:07] you serve me.

[20:08] I want you to do this thing.

[20:09] Okay, I'll do it.

[20:10] Like, a lot of samurai movies,

[20:11] it's just like,

[20:12] this is the thing my boss told me,

[20:13] so I gotta go do it.

[20:14] And you just know that it's important

[20:15] for that reason.

[20:16] But they kind of don't even do that.

[20:17] It's just like,

[20:18] everyone's really lackadaisical

[20:19] about,

[20:20] about this quest.

[20:21] And you don't really,

[20:24] they,

[20:24] because they want to make it a reveal,

[20:26] they don't tell you

[20:27] why the queen wants

[20:28] to be a shapeshifter

[20:29] until the very end of the movie.

[20:30] And so you're like,

[20:31] I mean, it's pretty cool.

[20:33] I mean, yeah,

[20:33] who wouldn't want to be a werewolf,

[20:35] I guess.

[20:35] She's like,

Stuart Wellington

[20:35] I've been playing a lot of

[20:36] Werewolf the Apocalypse

[20:37] with my friends,

[20:38] and I want to,

[20:39] I want to be able to LARP.

[20:39] I want to take my game up a notch.

Elliott Kalan

[20:41] I'm tired of,

[20:42] I'm tired of LARPing.

[20:43] I want to just,

[20:44] la,

[20:44] just live action.

Stuart Wellington

[20:45] Did you,

[20:46] did you mention that

[20:47] the captain of the Overwatch

[20:48] also requests?

Elliott Kalan

[20:51] Thank you.

[20:52] So she wants to be that.

[20:54] And then when the queen leaves,

[20:55] a Jirais,

[20:56] the captain of the Overwatch,

[20:57] he says,

[20:58] I have a,

[20:59] I want a wish.

[21:00] Here's my heirloom watch.

[21:01] I'm going to give it to you

[21:02] in exchange for not getting

[21:04] the queen werewolf powers.

[21:05] And Alice is like,

[21:06] I can't refuse anybody.

[21:07] I'll do it.

[21:08] How is she going to,

[21:09] how is she going to square

[21:10] these two conflicting wishes

[21:11] to make the queen a werewolf

[21:12] and to not make the queen a werewolf?

[21:15] Therein lies a tale.

[21:17] And she does some floaty magic

[21:18] and she has a,

[21:19] she has a vision of a werewolf

[21:21] fighting people

[21:21] from the werewolf's point of view.

[21:23] The queen,

[21:24] she hates having,

Stuart Wellington

[21:25] Is this super cool?

[21:26] No.

[21:27] Okay.

[21:27] It is not super cool.

Elliott Kalan

[21:29] It's kind of blurry,

[21:30] muddy.

[21:31] Is it kind of cool?

[21:31] It's,

[21:32] well,

Stuart Wellington

[21:32] what did you guys think?

[21:33] It seems to be like a,

[21:33] a failed hunt

[21:35] taking place on what

[21:36] the River of Skulls,

[21:38] which is,

[21:38] The River of Skulls,

[21:39] which is pretty cool.

[21:40] It looks,

[21:41] it looks kind of like

[21:42] how I picture

[21:43] the land of the dead

[21:44] in the island near

[21:46] Ulthuin

[21:46] in the old world

[21:47] of Warhammer.

Elliott Kalan

[21:49] I didn't know what world

[21:51] you were talking about

Stuart Wellington

[21:52] until you ended with Warhammer.

[21:53] I was like,

Dan McCoy

[21:53] what property is this?

[21:55] Just like in the Lost Lands,

[21:56] Stuart kept the key information

[21:57] to the end.

[21:58] That's true,

[21:59] the very end.

Stuart Wellington

[22:00] What's weird is,

[22:00] I teased Ulthuin,

[22:02] which of course,

[22:03] eagle-eared listeners

[22:04] would know.

[22:05] Yeah,

[22:05] that's true.

[22:05] It's part of the high elven realm.

[22:07] That's true.

[22:07] If you know,

[22:07] you know as the internet.

[22:08] 90s kids would know

Elliott Kalan

[22:09] that this is Warhammer.

[22:10] Let's just say.

[22:11] The movie waits

[22:13] until the very end

[22:14] to tell you what the motivations

[22:15] of the characters are.

[22:16] But,

[22:17] whenever the characters

[22:18] are traveling to the Lost Lands,

[22:19] there's a big map graphic

[22:20] that you travel along with,

[22:21] so where they're going to go

[22:22] and what they can.

[22:23] Which I'm not mad about.

[22:24] But,

[22:24] it means that whatever

[22:25] they're encountering

[22:26] is not a surprise.

[22:27] Like,

[22:27] you know,

[22:28] you've seen all these

[22:28] other references.

[22:29] You've seen kind of like,

[22:30] oh,

[22:30] and they're going to go here

[22:31] and they're going to go here.

[22:32] It seems like,

[22:33] we're going to give you

[22:34] all this information

[22:34] you don't really need to know,

[22:36] but we're not going to give you

[22:36] the information

[22:37] that you need to know.

[22:38] And if that was a deliberate choice

[22:40] that was carried through

[22:42] in an interesting way,

[22:43] I've seen movies like that,

[22:45] I'm going to give you

[22:45] lots of information

[22:46] that is not necessarily relevant,

[22:49] but I'm going to give you

[22:50] just hints of the information

[22:51] that,

[22:51] I mean,

[22:51] to a certain extent,

[22:52] Stuart,

[22:53] you've mentioned

[22:54] Gene Wolfe's books

[22:55] on the podcast before.

[22:56] Like,

[22:56] that's the kind of thing

[22:57] Gene Wolfe will do

[22:58] in his novels,

[22:59] I'm going to give you

[23:00] a lot of information

[23:01] about this world,

[23:01] but I'm not going to tell you

[23:02] necessarily why characters

[23:04] are doing a thing

[23:04] and you're going to have

[23:05] to puzzle it out.

[23:06] When it's done well,

[23:06] it can be really stimulating

[23:08] and challenging and fun,

[23:09] but here it just feels like

[23:10] they didn't know

[23:11] what to tell you

[23:11] and not to tell you.

Stuart Wellington

[23:12] And if you're going to do

[23:12] a thing where you show

[23:13] a map with place names,

[23:16] you should at least

[23:16] once or twice

[23:17] try to subvert expectations

[23:20] based on what that name

[23:21] or image might seem to be.

[23:23] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[23:23] If they're going to go

[23:24] to Candy Country,

[23:25] oh,

[23:25] this will be fine.

[23:26] Oh no,

[23:27] it turns out

[23:27] that's the worst of them.

[23:28] You know,

[23:30] it's called that

[23:30] because that's where

[23:31] the radioactive

[23:31] John Candy zombie is

[23:33] and it just devours people.

Dan McCoy

[23:34] he had such a sad life

[23:36] already from what I understand

[23:39] based on that documentary.

Elliott Kalan

[23:41] And did you watch

[23:42] the documentary?

[23:42] Yeah.

[23:43] Oh,

[23:43] okay.

[23:44] I thought you were going

[23:44] to say based on

[23:45] what I heard about

[23:46] from that documentary.

[23:48] From that guy.

[23:48] From people watching

[23:49] the documentary.

[23:50] At that gas station

[23:51] I went to.

Dan McCoy

[23:52] Got a lot of stories

Elliott Kalan

[23:55] You drove up,

[23:56] you're like,

[23:56] I think he lives

[23:57] in the woods.

[23:58] Just fill it up

[23:58] with regular,

[23:59] yeah,

[23:59] you heard about

[24:00] John Candy?

[24:01] Did something happen

[24:02] with him?

[24:02] Oh,

[24:02] he died years ago

[24:03] but his life

[24:04] was pretty sad.

Dan McCoy

[24:05] He was an empathetic guy

[24:06] but always felt

[24:07] pretty sad

[24:08] about his life.

[24:09] He couldn't come to terms

[24:11] with his body image.

Elliott Kalan

[24:12] You get to where

[24:12] you're going like,

[24:13] the guy at the gas station

[24:13] really wanted to tell me

[24:14] about John Candy.

[24:15] Guy at the gas station?

[24:16] There hasn't been

[24:17] a gas station there

[24:17] in 30 years.

Stuart Wellington

[24:20] Ever since John Candy

[24:21] burned it down.

[24:26] Yeah,

[24:26] they called it

[24:27] the candy crime

[24:28] of the century.

Elliott Kalan

[24:31] So,

[24:31] so the queen,

[24:33] she hates having

Stuart Wellington

[24:33] the old camp candy.

Elliott Kalan

[24:35] Wait,

[24:36] John Candy,

[24:36] the inventor

Stuart Wellington

[24:37] of Candy Crush?

Elliott Kalan

[24:39] Don't go to

[24:40] don't go to

[24:40] Camp Candy.

[24:41] You know how many

[24:41] children died there?

[24:43] So,

[24:43] let's talk for a second.

[24:44] This is the thing

[24:44] that's bedeviled me

[24:45] ever since I was a kid.

[24:46] There's the Camp Candy cartoon.

[24:47] I watched it regularly

[24:48] when I was a kid.

[24:49] There was a Christmas episode

[24:50] of the Camp Candy cartoon

[24:51] and it always confused me

[24:53] because I'm like,

[24:53] but this show takes place

[24:54] during the summer.

[24:55] Like,

[24:56] I know it's airing

[24:56] around Christmas

[24:57] but it takes place

[24:58] during the summer

[24:59] because it's a summer camp.

[25:00] Why would they have

[25:01] a Christmas episode

[25:02] at a summer camp?

[25:03] Dan,

[25:04] the floor is yours.

[25:05] Tell me why I'm wrong.

Dan McCoy

[25:05] I want you to know

[25:06] a little bit more

[25:06] about this episode.

[25:07] Were there children

[25:07] at the camp at the time?

[25:09] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[25:09] it's called Camp Candy,

[25:10] Dan.

[25:10] It's about kids

[25:11] going to the camp

Dan McCoy

[25:12] that John Candy runs.

[25:13] No,

Elliott Kalan

[25:13] it's a show about a camp

[25:14] where John Candy

[25:15] is the caretaker

[25:16] and it's during the off season

[25:17] when it's closed

[25:18] and it's just him

[25:19] trimming trees

[25:20] and stuff like that.

[25:20] That sounds pretty good.

[25:22] That sounds like

[25:23] the holdovers.

Dan McCoy

[25:24] It's possible

[25:24] that there's an episode

[25:26] it's snowing,

[25:27] only the caretakers

[25:28] are there,

[25:29] you know.

[25:30] This is what I'm asking you.

[25:31] I don't like it actually.

[25:31] The kids are there.

Elliott Kalan

[25:32] There's a part

[25:32] where a kid like,

[25:33] Is it snowing

[25:34] with the kids there?

[25:35] No,

[25:35] no,

[25:35] he has like a pillowcase

[25:36] full of cotton

[25:37] that he like shakes out

[25:38] to make it feel like snow

[25:39] and it's just like,

[25:40] they'll have Christmas

[25:41] in December.

[25:42] Why you got to do

[25:42] Christmas and summer camp?

[25:44] Was it Christmas in July?

[25:45] Was it like

[25:46] Salute Your Shorts

[25:47] or whatever?

[25:48] It was like a cartoon version

[25:49] of Salute Your Shorts,

[25:50] yeah.

[25:50] I think it predated

[25:51] Salute Your Shorts.

[25:52] So Salute Your Shorts

[25:52] was really an adaptation

[25:53] of Camp Candy.

[25:55] Okay.

[25:55] Which was itself.

[25:56] What about Hey Dude?

Stuart Wellington

[25:57] Where does Hey Dude

[25:58] fall into this cosmology?

[25:58] Hey Dude is a dude ranch.

Elliott Kalan

[26:00] So that's Hey Dude,

[26:00] I have to assume Hey Dude

[26:01] and Salute Your Shorts

[26:02] happen in the same universe

[26:03] but probably in different

[26:04] parts of the country

[26:05] and with different characters.

Stuart Wellington

[26:05] Like California Dreams

[26:06] and Save by the Bell.

[26:07] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[26:08] but they would meet each other

[26:09] at least once,

[26:09] right?

Stuart Wellington

[26:11] Yeah,

[26:11] and I think it would go

[26:13] a little like this.

Elliott Kalan

[26:14] In the crossover event

[26:15] Crisis on Infinite Californias.

[26:18] That was a time

[26:19] when it was just enough

[26:20] that something was set

[26:21] in California

[26:21] that it was exciting enough

[26:23] to put it on television

[26:23] as part of the TNBC

[26:25] Saturday morning lineup.

[26:26] What a time.

[26:27] What a time.

[26:28] California had yet to lose

[26:30] its gloss.

[26:31] Anyway,

[26:31] the queen,

[26:32] she hates having to deal

[26:33] with the overlord

[26:34] who's an incontinent old man.

[26:35] She has a lover.

[26:36] Her lover is Boyce,

[26:37] Dave Bautista

[26:38] and the watch tries to arrest him,

[26:40] the overwatch,

[26:40] but he makes love.

[26:41] How do you think they met?

[26:43] It's a good question.

[26:45] It's like a rump and tumble

Stuart Wellington

[26:46] cowpoke guy.

Elliott Kalan

[26:47] How do you meet the queen?

[26:49] I mean,

[26:49] either she was slumming

[26:51] at the one tavern

[26:52] that we see him at

[26:53] or...

[26:53] She had some sort

Dan McCoy

[26:54] of Roman holiday situation.

Elliott Kalan

[26:56] Yeah,

[26:56] exactly,

[26:57] yeah.

[26:57] That Roman holiday,

[26:58] Christmas.

[26:59] Why you gotta have Christmas

[26:59] in the middle of the summer?

[27:01] I don't understand.

Stuart Wellington

[27:01] It's weird that the Romans

[27:03] would invent

[27:03] a holiday

[27:05] based on a dude

[27:06] they smoked.

[27:06] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[27:07] Rome's relationship

[27:13] with Christmas

[27:13] has changed

[27:14] quite a bit

[27:15] since they smoked him.

[27:17] There's a little guy

[27:18] named Constantine

[27:19] I think you need

[27:20] to learn about Stuart.

[27:21] Yeah, yeah.

[27:21] Not John Constantine

[27:22] the Hellblazer.

[27:23] No, no, no.

[27:24] Okay,

[27:24] because I know a lot

[27:25] about that guy.

[27:26] He's a wily one.

[27:27] He is.

[27:29] I wouldn't trust him

[27:30] to watch my house.

[27:32] Yeah.

[27:32] So Alice,

[27:34] she goes to find a hunter

[27:35] who can take her

[27:35] to find a werewolf.

[27:36] She finds Dave Bautista

[27:37] at a bar.

[27:38] She beats him at cards.

Stuart Wellington

[27:40] And she wants to hire...

[27:41] She uses magic, right?

[27:42] That's gotta be the...

[27:43] She doesn't even look

Elliott Kalan

[27:44] at her hand.

[27:45] No, she doesn't even

[27:45] look at the cards.

[27:46] She wants to hire him

[27:47] and he's like,

[27:49] I think you're too soft

[27:50] for the Lost Lands.

[27:50] I'm like,

[27:51] didn't we just have

[27:52] a whole intro

[27:52] about how she came

[27:53] out of the Lost Lands?

[27:54] Like, why are we

[27:55] bothering with this?

[27:55] It's a...

[27:56] They're setting up a...

[27:57] like a lady

[27:58] and the tramp type situation

[27:59] or a Roman holiday

[28:00] or situation or something

[28:01] where there's the...

[28:02] there's the rugged

[28:02] kind of like tough guy

[28:04] and then there's the

[28:05] like magic woman

[28:06] who isn't ready

[28:08] for the world

[28:08] that she has to go into.

[28:09] But she's clearly been there

[28:10] a bunch of times before.

[28:11] Like, it doesn't make any sense.

Stuart Wellington

[28:13] She's really good

[28:13] at battling, guys.

[28:14] Like, no question.

Elliott Kalan

[28:15] She has these two sickle blades.

[28:17] She's got her silver

[28:18] talon finger covers

[28:19] that she puts on,

[28:20] her claws.

[28:21] Like, the idea...

[28:22] I don't understand

[28:23] why they're going with the idea

[28:23] where he's like,

[28:24] you're too soft

[28:25] for the Lost Lands.

[28:26] And she plays into that

[28:28] Yeah.

[28:28] For most of the movie.

[28:29] And I was...

[28:30] There's the point

[28:30] where I felt like

[28:31] the movie kept restarting

[28:32] and re-explaining itself

[28:33] where she's like,

[28:34] I got to go into Lost Lands

[28:35] and find a werewolf.

[28:36] I need a hunter to do it.

[28:37] I'm like, yeah,

[28:37] I just saw you say all this

[28:39] to another character.

[28:40] Like, I got it.

[28:41] He tells her he knows of a werewolf

[28:43] named Sardor,

[28:44] the Great Wolf,

[28:45] a shapeshifter who lives

[28:46] at Skull River.

[28:47] Look, Sardor,

[28:48] great name for a band.

[28:49] Skull River,

[28:50] great name for a blues brand.

[28:52] You know?

[28:55] Great Wolf is a great name

[28:56] for like a 70s kind of,

[28:57] not quite metal,

[28:58] like heavy rock band.

[28:59] You know?

Dan McCoy

[28:59] I was thinking earlier,

[29:00] Silver Talon Fingers

[29:03] is a pretty good name

[29:04] for a fancy character.

[29:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:07] Boyce agrees to join

[29:08] Grey Alice,

[29:09] but then the church soldiers

[29:10] come in,

[29:11] they kill Boyce's snake.

[29:12] Oh no,

[29:13] now he's got a motivation

[29:14] to hate the church.

[29:15] And he and Alice,

[29:16] Grey Alice escape.

[29:17] Meanwhile,

[29:18] the patriarch,

[29:19] the church leader.

[29:20] I do kind of like that

Stuart Wellington

[29:20] later on he's looking

[29:21] at other snakes

[29:22] trying to find a snake

[29:23] that's as good as his others.

Elliott Kalan

[29:25] I did like that.

[29:26] I wish they had done,

[29:27] and that's another,

[29:27] they kind of forget it

[29:28] partway through,

[29:29] but I wish that he,

[29:29] the whole time,

[29:30] he was just mourning that snake

[29:31] and talking about

[29:32] what a great snake it was.

[29:33] That's a fun character thing

[29:34] that they just kind of forget about.

Stuart Wellington

[29:36] If they would,

[29:37] later on he'd like see a snake

[29:38] and he'd like be staring off wistfully

[29:40] like they're just not the same.

Elliott Kalan

[29:42] Or if he gets in a fight

[29:43] and he's at a disadvantage,

[29:45] he's like,

[29:45] wish I had my snake

[29:46] right about now.

[29:47] Like, you know.

[29:47] All good stuff.

[29:49] Yeah, exactly.

[29:50] The church leader,

[29:50] the patriarch,

[29:51] he gives a speech

[29:52] about how important the church is.

Stuart Wellington

[29:53] Yeah, he reaches for his snake holster

[29:54] and it's empty

[29:56] oh man.

Elliott Kalan

[29:58] Yeah, exactly.

[30:00] The church tells people

[30:02] they have to hunt

[30:03] the church's enemies.

[30:04] Grey Alice needs to die.

[30:05] This is one of those things

[30:06] where the church

[30:07] is so incredibly,

[30:10] obviously evil

[30:11] that you wonder

[30:11] why anyone listens to it.

[30:13] But again,

[30:13] we live in a world

[30:14] where a mad king

[30:15] is sending his masked soldiers

[30:17] to beat the shit out of

[30:18] and kill normal people

[30:19] for no reason.

[30:20] So I guess that's,

[30:22] and the Democrats

[30:23] just throw up their hands

[30:24] and go,

[30:24] this is concerning.

[30:25] So I guess maybe

[30:26] this church is more realistic

[30:27] than I thought it was.

[30:27] I've written another letter.

Dan McCoy

[30:28] I was going to say,

[30:29] I used to salute my shorts,

[30:31] but these days,

[30:31] my shorts have been doing

[30:32] some stuff I don't agree with.

[30:34] These days,

Elliott Kalan

[30:34] my shorts are saluting me.

[30:38] Is that,

[30:39] that's when

Stuart Wellington

[30:41] Rodney Dangerfield

[30:42] fucking hosted

[30:42] the Bigelody

[30:44] and Kids' Choice Awards?

Elliott Kalan

[30:46] What's the thing is,

[30:46] it's like,

[30:47] I don't know if it's a

[30:48] Yakov Smirnoff joke

[30:49] or if it's like a really

[30:50] ineffective way

[30:51] to say that you have a boner.

[30:52] Like,

[30:53] I don't know what it would mean.

[30:55] Actually,

[30:57] Rodney Dangerfield

[30:57] should have hosted

[30:58] the Kids' Choice Awards

[30:58] because then they slime him

[30:59] and he can say,

[31:00] I get no respect.

Dan McCoy

[31:04] I gotta get my doctor

[31:05] Vinnie Boobots

[31:06] to get the slime

[31:08] out of my ear.

Elliott Kalan

[31:09] Get the slime off of me,

[31:10] yeah.

[31:10] And now,

[31:11] the star of

[31:12] Rover Dangerfield,

[31:13] Rodney Dangerfield.

[31:15] Oh,

[31:15] I tell you,

[31:16] Kids' Choice Awards,

[31:17] I get to choose things

[31:18] when I was a kid.

[31:21] What else would he say?

[31:21] Oh,

[31:22] what a great,

[31:22] okay,

[31:22] that's a good routine

[31:23] for us to do

[31:23] at some point.

Dan McCoy

[31:25] I asked for shredded wheat.

[31:27] My dad got me some wheat

[31:28] and told me to go nuts myself.

[31:33] Just why I wasn't

[31:33] Rodney Dangerfield's writer.

Elliott Kalan

[31:35] No,

[31:35] it's one of a few reasons

[31:36] why you weren't

[31:37] Rodney Dangerfield's writer.

[31:38] Also,

[31:39] you were a child.

[31:40] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:41] I applied,

[31:42] though,

[31:43] you know.

[31:43] Yeah,

[31:43] if you don't try,

[31:45] you miss 100%

[31:46] of the shots

[31:46] you don't take,

[31:47] you know.

[31:47] I applied

[31:48] and I met with him

[31:49] what am I,

[31:49] back at the Kids' Choice Awards?

Elliott Kalan

[31:52] Let me tell you,

[31:53] this joke you wrote

[31:53] about me and my wife

[31:54] having sex,

[31:55] it seems to imply

[31:56] that I think

[31:57] that if you kiss,

[31:58] a baby comes out

[31:58] of the woman's mouth.

[31:59] Yeah,

[32:00] that's what happens,

[32:00] right,

[32:01] Mr. Dangerfield?

[32:02] Oh,

[32:02] get out of here,

[32:03] kid.

Dan McCoy

[32:03] You seem to think

[32:04] that sex is just

[32:05] touching butts together.

Elliott Kalan

[32:07] Dan,

[32:08] is that your origin story?

[32:09] Is that where it all began?

[32:10] Yeah.

[32:11] And then you saw that movie,

[32:13] you and me and everyone

[32:14] we know,

[32:14] and you were like,

[32:15] oh,

[32:15] finally a movie gets me.

[32:16] Back and forth forever.

[32:17] Back and forth forever.

[32:19] Yep.

[32:19] Anyway,

[32:19] so the church is like,

[32:21] Grey Alice needs to die.

[32:22] They tortured that old lady

[32:23] from earlier

[32:24] and she says,

[32:25] I saw the queen

[32:26] go to the witch.

[32:27] The church wants to use

[32:28] Grey Alice

[32:28] to take down the queen.

[32:30] If they can have Grey Alice

[32:31] testify that she was working

[32:33] with the queen,

[32:34] that would mean

[32:34] the queen is a heretic

[32:35] and they can overthrow her.

[32:36] Outside the city,

[32:37] our heroes camp out.

[32:38] Boyce is looking for

[32:39] a replacement for his snake.

[32:40] Alice fixes his gun

[32:41] and for a moment,

[32:42] Alice thinks he's attacking her

[32:43] but he's actually saving her

[32:44] from a scorpion.

[32:45] They go to a trading post.

[32:47] They see these characters,

[32:47] Ross and Mara,

[32:48] who are friends of Boyce.

[32:50] Boyce sleeps with Mara

[32:51] and he kind of tells his backstory

[32:52] but then kind of jokes

[32:53] that it isn't his backstory.

Stuart Wellington

[32:55] So a couple things here.

[32:56] One,

[32:56] I love a universe

[32:57] where Dave Bautista

[32:58] is like a number one ladies man.

[33:00] Yes.

[33:00] Two thumbs up to that idea.

[33:03] Like Stuber.

Dan McCoy

[33:04] In Stuber,

[33:04] that's what he's like.

Stuart Wellington

[33:05] I haven't seen it, right?

[33:05] I haven't seen Stuber.

[33:06] Is Stuber your favorite movie,

[33:07] Daniel,

[33:08] or his second favorite movie?

[33:11] It's certainly my favorite title

[33:13] to reference.

[33:13] Yeah.

[33:14] Okay, fair.

[33:15] So what do you guys think

[33:16] of the chemistry between

[33:18] That's the movie where

Elliott Kalan

[33:18] the guy's named Stu

[33:22] and he's a tuber, right?

[33:23] Like he grows out of the dirt.

[33:25] Now is that the movie

[33:26] He's a human, Mr. Potato.

Stuart Wellington

[33:28] Was Kumail huge at that point

[33:31] or was that the movie

[33:32] that was like,

[33:32] hey, it's time for you to get huge?

Elliott Kalan

[33:34] That's the joke

[33:34] is that he's like a little guy

[33:36] and Dave Bautista's like a big guy

[33:38] who's what,

[33:38] like a spy or something?

[33:39] And so it's like,

[33:40] I'm a regular person.

[33:42] How do you get caught up

[33:42] in these spy hijinks?

[33:43] Yeah.

[33:44] But then for Eternals,

[33:45] he had to get ripped.

[33:46] Yeah.

[33:47] Yeah, okay.

[33:48] And the great thing is

[33:49] he doesn't have to maintain

[33:50] that physique

[33:51] because I don't think

[33:52] they're making Eternals too.

[33:53] I hate to break it to you still.

[33:54] But he loves it.

Stuart Wellington

[33:55] He loves being a big guy

[33:56] and you know what?

[33:57] I get it, homie.

Dan McCoy

[33:58] The,

Stuart Wellington

[33:59] it made for a very interesting

[34:02] performance of Abraham Lincoln

[34:04] in O'Mary,

[34:05] which was,

[34:06] from what I understand,

[34:06] a very historically accurate production.

[34:08] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[34:08] the thing is,

[34:09] Lincoln,

[34:09] when he was young,

[34:10] was known for his great strength.

[34:12] That was one of the things

[34:13] that impressed people.

[34:14] Split rails.

[34:15] I mean,

[34:16] he was gangly,

[34:17] but he was a much taller,

[34:18] stronger human being

[34:20] than most of the people around him.

[34:21] And so there was an aspect

[34:22] of physical strength

[34:23] and physical power to him

[34:24] that I think we forget about

[34:25] because we think of him

[34:26] as like a stooped old president

[34:27] who's like,

[34:28] oh,

[34:29] four scored seven years ago.

[34:30] When in fact,

[34:31] when he was younger,

[34:31] he was a very virile,

[34:32] powerful man,

[34:33] you know?

Stuart Wellington

[34:33] Yeah,

[34:34] which spawned a franchise

[34:36] of vampire hunting stories,

[34:38] right?

Elliott Kalan

[34:39] Vampire hunting histories.

[34:41] My mistake.

Stuart Wellington

[34:42] So what I was going to ask,

[34:44] what do you guys think

[34:44] of the chemistry

[34:45] between long time

[34:46] Paul W.S. Anderson collaborator

[34:49] Mia Jovovich

[34:50] and Dave Bautista?

Elliott Kalan

[34:53] I think they,

[34:54] I actually think that,

[34:54] I actually kind of like them together

[34:55] to be honest.

[34:56] I don't see,

[34:57] I don't see romantic chemistry

[34:58] between them.

Stuart Wellington

[34:59] which I guess they do

[35:00] kind of lead to that.

[35:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[35:02] That's exactly where it leads to.

[35:03] But I think,

[35:04] I don't see that,

[35:05] but I do like the idea.

[35:06] There is something about,

[35:07] he does a good,

[35:09] gruff,

[35:10] kind of like,

[35:10] no nonsense guy

[35:11] who has vulnerability

[35:12] underneath him,

[35:13] who's a softer version

[35:14] of what you would think

[35:15] he would be.

[35:15] And she does a good,

[35:17] like,

[35:18] person from another dimension

[35:21] who kind of doesn't,

[35:23] doesn't seem like

[35:23] she belongs on Earth

[35:24] in some ways,

[35:25] you know?

[35:25] And that's,

[35:26] I like that as a

[35:27] mismatched contrast.

[35:28] If they were a,

[35:29] I could see them

[35:30] as part of a Dungeons & Dragons

[35:32] quest party,

[35:33] you know?

[35:34] Where like,

[35:35] he's the fighter

[35:36] and she's the kind of like,

[35:37] Earth Mother Goddess,

[35:39] witch or something like that.

[35:41] And they shouldn't,

[35:42] they shouldn't be friends,

[35:43] but they some are friends.

[35:43] They need like one or two more people.

Dan McCoy

[35:44] They need like one or two more characters

[35:46] to support you.

[35:47] To fill it out.

[35:47] I found,

[35:50] these are actors

[35:51] that I have liked a lot

[35:53] in other things.

[35:54] Like,

[35:55] I,

[35:55] these are people that I'm like,

[35:57] happy to see in movies,

[35:58] but,

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] not to interrupt,

[36:00] but Dave Bautista is like,

[36:01] one of,

[36:01] but Dave Bautista is like,

[36:03] one of Charlene's favorite actors

[36:05] and she's constantly like,

[36:07] begging for Hollywood to,

[36:08] she's like,

[36:09] screaming at the heavens,

[36:10] begging for Hollywood

[36:10] to put him in rom-coms.

Elliott Kalan

[36:12] I feel like,

[36:12] Dave Bautista,

[36:13] and I could be wrong,

[36:14] maybe he's a terrible guy.

[36:15] What he feels like to me is,

[36:16] he is the thing that,

[36:17] that everyone thought Vin Diesel was,

[36:19] but is,

[36:20] I don't think Vin Diesel really is,

[36:21] which is like,

[36:22] a big tough guy

[36:23] who's also kind of like,

[36:24] a nice guy.

Dan McCoy

[36:25] Yeah.

[36:25] I could be wrong about that.

[36:26] Dan,

[36:26] you were saying.

[36:27] Uh-huh.

[36:28] No,

[36:29] I just,

[36:29] Anyway,

[36:29] not to interrupt,

[36:30] but Stu,

[36:30] I think what Charlene's looking for,

[36:31] yeah,

[36:32] Dan,

[36:32] what were you saying?

[36:33] I think,

[36:33] I think Bautista's sort of like,

[36:36] a low,

[36:37] low-key actor.

[36:39] No,

[36:39] he's not playing low-key.

[36:40] That's,

[36:40] I think he's a good,

[36:41] Tom Hilsen.

[36:42] He's a good actor,

[36:43] but I think he is like,

[36:45] his energy is not like,

[36:48] flamboyant or whatever.

[36:49] And I think that for this part,

[36:50] maybe someone with like,

[36:52] sort of a bigger energy

[36:53] would have been better.

[36:54] And Mia Jovovich,

[36:55] I'm almost done,

[36:56] Stuart,

[36:56] you can interrupt me again

[36:57] in a second,

[36:58] but I think that Mia Jovovich,

[37:00] like,

[37:01] is actually kind of like,

[37:03] good at being goofy,

[37:05] and she is just kind of,

[37:08] there's nothing in this character

[37:09] for that.

[37:10] Like,

[37:10] so she feels kind of restrained

[37:11] in a way that I didn't.

Stuart Wellington

[37:12] I think that's,

[37:13] I think you hit the nail on the head

[37:15] about what kind of the issue is.

[37:16] Yeah.

[37:16] Both of them are playing it

[37:17] kind of serious,

[37:18] where like,

[37:19] one of them should be

[37:20] a little bit goofy.

[37:22] They just didn't decide which one.

Elliott Kalan

[37:23] Oh,

[37:23] see,

[37:23] I think they could have been.

[37:25] Or they could have a little kid

Stuart Wellington

[37:26] introduced.

[37:27] I feel like Dave Bautista's.

[37:28] Or like a talking animal,

[37:29] possibly a talking two-headed snake.

[37:31] Yeah,

[37:31] possibly.

[37:32] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[37:32] yeah.

[37:32] And the heads are always

[37:33] arguing with each other.

[37:34] They don't get along.

[37:36] And I think,

[37:36] I don't know,

[37:37] because maybe I was grading it

[37:38] on a curve.

[37:39] I felt like Dave Bautista

[37:40] was being a goofier version

[37:42] of this character

[37:42] than he might have been.

[37:43] I feel like that character

[37:44] could be so grim

[37:45] and so like,

[37:47] you don't understand.

[37:48] I'm a character from the Lost Lands.

[37:49] Oh.

[37:49] And they're not doing it that way.

[37:50] And I felt,

[37:51] and I liked that he seems like a,

[37:52] Dave Bautista's at least

[37:53] playing him like a human being

[37:54] as opposed to a,

[37:56] like a flat character.

Dan McCoy

[37:59] I think that that's true.

[38:00] I just think that his natural energy

[38:02] is kind of,

[38:03] uh,

[38:03] more restrained.

[38:05] And so like,

[38:06] even though he's playing it

[38:07] a little silly,

[38:07] like I would have liked

[38:08] to see someone with a lot,

[38:09] a little more like,

[38:11] you know,

[38:11] big energy in it.

[38:12] But,

[38:13] but that's just me.

Elliott Kalan

[38:14] I think that's just a taste.

[38:14] I think it's a,

[38:15] comes down to a taste thing.

[38:16] I do think that they are given

[38:16] very little to do.

[38:17] It's the kind of thing

[38:19] I think that if these two actors

[38:21] in better material,

[38:22] I think could be fun

[38:24] to see together.

[38:25] Yeah.

[38:25] Whereas here they don't,

[38:27] they don't really have much to do.

[38:29] Yeah.

[38:29] And they're,

[38:30] and uh,

[38:31] I think Dave Bautista's

[38:32] a little bit better

[38:33] use of not much to do

[38:34] than Mia Jovovich is.

[38:36] But I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[38:37] Maybe she's trying to be mysterious,

[38:39] which turns into flat

[38:40] a lot of the time.

Elliott Kalan

[38:41] Yeah,

[38:41] that's true.

[38:42] But when she pulls off

[38:43] like I want,

[38:44] what I really wanted from this,

[38:45] but this feels like more

[38:46] the writing than the characters.

[38:48] I wanted to,

[38:48] the actors,

[38:49] I wanted a scene where

[38:50] she says some kind of strange

[38:52] otherworldly magic thing

[38:54] and he doesn't really understand

[38:55] what she's saying,

[38:56] but he's like,

[38:56] okay,

[38:58] like just kind of has to roll with it

[38:59] or something like that,

[39:00] you know.

[39:00] But,

[39:00] uh,

[39:01] there's more contrast

[39:01] between the characters

[39:02] is what you're saying.

[39:03] Is what you guys want.

[39:04] Please.

[39:05] I'm begging for it.

[39:07] All right.

[39:07] Let's turn up the contrast knob.

[39:09] Oh,

[39:09] now it's too much.

[39:10] Now she's an Italian chef.

[39:12] You said it on Vivid.

[39:13] Oh,

[39:13] we're on spy versus spy territory now.

Stuart Wellington

[39:15] Motion smoothing all over the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[39:17] Oh,

[39:18] no.

[39:18] Hey guys,

[39:19] I got to ask you something.

[39:20] No,

[39:20] you said it at movie.

[39:21] That's what you said.

[39:22] I recently saw a clip

[39:24] from the new Avatar movie

[39:25] and I didn't realize

[39:26] that they changed the frame rate

[39:28] in the movie.

[39:29] Why did they do that?

Stuart Wellington

[39:32] Wait,

[39:32] in middle of the movie,

[39:34] the frame rate changes?

Elliott Kalan

[39:35] Yes.

[39:35] Back and forth.

[39:35] It keeps going back and forth

[39:36] between 48 frames and 24 frames.

Dan McCoy

[39:38] Big sort of action-y

[39:40] or spectacular sequence.

[39:42] They will shift to the 48 frame

[39:44] and it's because,

[39:46] you know,

[39:46] like these very,

[39:47] like,

[39:47] technology-minded directors

[39:50] like him

[39:51] or Peter Jackson

[39:52] are convinced

[39:53] that this is,

[39:55] like,

[39:55] the world of the future.

[39:57] I,

[39:58] like,

[39:58] with,

[39:58] with Cameron's,

[40:00] like,

[40:00] really good 3D,

[40:02] it is something interesting to see

[40:04] but it gave me a fucking headache.

[40:07] Like,

[40:08] the longer it went on,

[40:09] I'm just like,

[40:09] oh,

[40:09] God,

[40:10] it's less like I'm watching a movie

[40:12] and more like I'm looking through,

[40:14] like,

[40:14] a movie-shaped portal

[40:16] to,

[40:16] like,

[40:16] a weird computer world.

Elliott Kalan

[40:19] Yeah.

[40:20] I mean,

[40:21] it sounds like,

[40:22] it sounds like they finally made a movie

[40:23] out of Reboot.

[40:24] Yeah.

[40:25] Not Reboot,

[40:26] the recent TV show,

[40:27] Reboot,

[40:27] the old TV show

[40:28] that was set in the computer world.

[40:30] But I found it very confusing.

[40:31] Would it have been crazy

Stuart Wellington

[40:32] if Reboot was a reboot

[40:34] of the cartoon reboot?

Elliott Kalan

[40:36] Reboot was about a,

[40:37] was about a writing staff

[40:39] that is trying to reboot

[40:40] the cartoon reboot.

[40:41] Yeah.

[40:42] And voice cast.

[40:44] Yeah.

[40:44] And it's about,

[40:44] but it's about,

[40:45] and the voice cast,

[40:46] but it's about pirates

[40:47] so now it's called Freeboot.

Dan McCoy

[40:49] It's called Das Boot.

Elliott Kalan

[40:51] Okay,

[40:52] so Das Boot was a remake of Reboot

[40:54] or was it the other way around?

Dan McCoy

[40:55] Yeah.

[40:56] Yeah.

[40:57] The answer is yes.

[40:58] What you said.

[40:58] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[40:58] I asked a question with choices

[41:00] and you said,

[41:01] yeah,

[41:01] that was the response.

[41:02] Okay.

[41:03] Anyway,

[41:04] they're at the trading post.

[41:05] They leave there.

[41:06] The next day,

[41:06] our heroes ride off.

[41:08] This is one of the funniest parts to me

[41:09] is voice says to Alice,

[41:10] don't expect any more friendly faces

[41:12] from this point on.

[41:13] And literally their next stop

[41:14] is to find a place

[41:15] where's the guy I know?

[41:16] Where is he?

[41:17] I like that guy.

[41:18] But,

[41:18] they're chasing,

[41:19] chased by the church folk

[41:21] in the armored train.

Stuart Wellington

[41:23] Yeah,

[41:23] that's cool.

[41:24] With a big tank.

Elliott Kalan

[41:25] With a big tank turret on it.

[41:26] Yeah.

[41:27] The queen and the patriarch

[41:28] have a face off.

[41:28] Who cares?

[41:30] They,

[41:31] the church soldiers show up

[41:32] at the trading post

[41:33] and they're like,

[41:34] where'd boys go to?

[41:35] And they kill the people there

[41:37] or they kill the man

[41:38] and burn the trading post.

[41:39] And it's only three days

[41:40] to the full moon.

[41:41] I should mention that

[41:42] there are literally parts of this

[41:43] where it shows them

[41:44] leaving a place

[41:44] and it'll say like,

[41:46] five days to the full moon.

[41:47] And then you just see them

[41:47] riding horses

[41:48] and they'll just say,

[41:49] four days to the full moon.

Stuart Wellington

[41:50] I kind of like this graphic though

[41:53] of the,

[41:53] It's a cool graphic

[41:54] but it means nothing.

[41:55] The time piece graphic,

[41:56] yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:57] But it means completely nothing

[41:59] where they're going

[42:00] or when they're going there.

[42:01] So our heroes ride

[42:02] through a destroyed city

[42:03] called the Rift.

[42:04] They're going to use a cable car

[42:05] which is a,

[42:05] an old school bus

[42:06] on a cable across a chasm

[42:08] run by a guy named Cyrus.

[42:09] But Cyrus,

[42:10] this is the part where he's like,

[42:11] he's like,

[42:11] don't expect a friendly face

[42:12] from this point on.

[42:13] Then they show up here

[42:14] where's my friend Cyrus?

[42:15] What happened to him?

Stuart Wellington

[42:16] I mean,

[42:17] we don't actually see his face.

[42:18] It might have been fucked up.

Dan McCoy

[42:19] It might have been,

[42:20] it might have been a very grumpy face.

[42:23] I had angry eyebrows tattooed on me.

[42:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[42:27] I meant it literally.

[42:28] He has an angry face all the time,

[42:29] but he's actually a sweet guy.

[42:31] I was just talking about his face.

[42:33] The,

[42:33] the church soldiers are there

[42:36] and they've,

[42:37] they've tortured Mara,

[42:38] the lady from the trading post.

[42:40] And then the church lady kills her

[42:41] and then there's a big fight

[42:42] and they get,

[42:43] they're shooting,

[42:44] shooting.

[42:44] They get on the school bus cable car.

[42:46] They're going across the rift.

[42:47] And I wanted to ask you guys,

[42:48] in this scene,

[42:49] they're on this,

[42:50] they're on a school bus

[42:51] that is suspended

[42:52] between,

[42:53] across a chasm.

[42:54] Yep.

[42:55] Soldiers keep showing up

[42:56] on the school bus

[42:57] and they have to keep fighting them.

[42:58] Where are these guys coming from?

[43:00] They just pop up out of nowhere.

Stuart Wellington

[43:01] A lot of them like,

[43:03] jumped and grabbed on

[43:04] as it was,

[43:05] as it was taken off.

[43:07] And I think they were like,

[43:08] hanging on the bottom

[43:09] and climbed up,

[43:09] but you're right.

[43:10] Yeah.

[43:10] It seems like a lot more

[43:11] started showing up.

Elliott Kalan

[43:12] It's like four guys

[43:13] jumped onto the bus with them,

[43:14] but they fight 30 guys

[43:16] on the bus.

[43:16] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[43:16] And I was like,

[43:17] where,

[43:17] where are they,

Stuart Wellington

[43:18] where are they crawling

[43:18] out of the engine?

[43:19] Where's the spawn point

[43:20] for all these enemies?

[43:22] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[43:23] The baddies cut the cable.

Stuart Wellington

[43:25] Which,

[43:26] I gotta tell you,

[43:27] that would be very hard to do.

[43:29] If this is a cable

[43:30] that is strong enough

[43:31] to hold a fucking thing,

[43:32] hitting it with,

[43:33] yeah,

[43:33] hold a school bus aloft,

[43:35] hitting it with an axe

[43:36] is not gonna do shit.

Elliott Kalan

[43:38] This is real.

[43:39] Shooting it with a bullet

[43:40] like a pistol bullet

[43:41] will not do shit.

[43:42] This is when Stu,

[43:43] his real inner dungeon master

[43:44] comes out,

[43:45] because it's like,

[43:46] everything else

[43:47] he buys completely.

[43:49] And he's like,

[43:50] he's like,

[43:50] that's gonna be

[43:51] a pretty hard roll

[43:52] for you to do any damage

[43:53] to that cable

[43:54] with an axe.

Dan McCoy

[43:55] Yeah,

[43:55] and someone gets a nat 20,

[43:57] he's like,

[43:57] okay,

[43:58] I guess you found

[43:59] like the one weak spot.

Elliott Kalan

[44:01] There was a little part

[44:03] where it already

[44:03] worn away,

[44:04] yeah.

[44:07] So,

[44:07] they get,

Stuart Wellington

[44:08] what's his name,

[44:11] your long shot

[44:12] and you have

[44:12] your luck powers again.

[44:15] When are they gonna

[44:16] do a long shot movie,

[44:17] Stu?

[44:17] I mean,

[44:18] they're still waiting

[44:19] for an actor

[44:19] to be born

[44:20] with only three fingers.

Dan McCoy

[44:22] That's the hard part.

[44:23] They did that one

[44:24] with Charlize Theron

[44:25] and,

[44:26] yeah,

[44:27] you're right.

[44:28] She went spiral,

[44:29] right?

Elliott Kalan

[44:30] Seth Rogen.

[44:31] She would have been

[44:31] a fucking sick spiral.

[44:33] She still could.

[44:33] Charlize Theron

[44:33] would still be

[44:34] an amazing spiral.

[44:35] That's what that movie

[44:35] was called,

[44:36] right?

[44:36] Kevin Feige,

[44:37] I know you listen

[44:37] to this show.

[44:38] If you're doing

[44:38] a movie with spiral

[44:39] in it,

[44:39] you gotta have

[44:40] Charlize Theron

[44:40] play spiral.

[44:41] Make a spiral movie.

[44:42] She's a great character.

[44:43] She's got a helmet

[44:44] with horns,

[44:45] boots with the fur.

[44:46] Everyone's looking

[44:47] at her.

[44:47] She's got six arms,

Stuart Wellington

[44:49] swords,

[44:49] she dances.

[44:50] She's got everything.

[44:52] I bet Mojo can get her

[44:54] some apple bottom jeans.

[44:56] I have to assume so.

[44:57] Yes.

[45:00] I'm always assuming

[45:01] that Mojo of the Mojoverse,

[45:02] his last name is Nixon

[45:03] and they've never addressed it.

Elliott Kalan

[45:07] Yeah,

[45:07] it's only on the trading card.

[45:09] When you look on the trading card

[45:10] it says,

[45:10] true identity,

[45:11] Mojo Nixon.

[45:12] Yeah,

[45:12] exactly.

[45:12] Yeah.

[45:14] So Alice and Boyce,

[45:15] they escape.

[45:16] They climb to safety

[45:16] on the other side.

[45:17] The bus falls down

[45:18] and the church lady

[45:19] snipes Boyce in the shoulder.

[45:21] Oh no.

[45:22] But Alice uses her witch powers

[45:23] to stop her

[45:24] from making the killing shot.

[45:26] That night,

[45:26] Boyce takes the bullet

[45:27] out of his shoulder himself

[45:28] and he talks to Alice

[45:29] and Boyce is like,

[45:30] I like the city

[45:31] but I feel more at home

[45:32] in the Lost Lands.

[45:33] He's like,

[45:33] really?

[45:33] You don't seem to.

[45:34] It's terrible there.

[45:37] Two days to the full moon.

Stuart Wellington

[45:38] Can I jump in here?

[45:39] Yes.

[45:39] Because you did miss something.

[45:41] He kind of passes out

[45:42] and he needs Alice

[45:44] to stitch up his wound

[45:45] which he uses

[45:46] as an opportunity

[45:47] that we'll later find out

[45:48] to poison him.

Elliott Kalan

[45:51] It seems like nothing

[45:53] at the time

[45:53] which is why

[45:54] I didn't write it down

[45:54] in my notes

[45:55] but it is important later.

[45:57] The queen is pregnant.

[45:58] She taunts the overlord

[45:59] who's a comatose old man.

[46:01] It's like,

[46:01] you're not the father.

[46:03] Boyce is the father.

[46:04] Then classic Roman Empress style,

[46:06] she smothers him to death

[46:08] and it's like,

[46:08] oh, the overlord died.

[46:10] I guess my unborn child

[46:11] is now overlord

[46:12] and I'll be the regent

[46:13] and our heroes,

[46:14] they finally get to

[46:15] Shadows Bane,

[46:16] an old nuclear reactor.

[46:18] Uh-oh,

[46:18] the bad guy train

[46:19] is after them

[46:20] because for some reason

[46:20] the train tracks

[46:21] go through the old

[46:22] nuclear area.

[46:25] I'm also having trouble

Dan McCoy

[46:26] with the name

[46:27] Shadows Bane.

[46:29] So it's the Bane

[46:29] of Shadows?

[46:31] Yeah.

[46:31] Like what is

[46:33] the Bane of Shadows?

Stuart Wellington

[46:34] Light.

Dan McCoy

[46:35] Light is, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[46:36] Okay.

[46:36] Also the creator

[46:37] of Shadows.

[46:38] It's kind of an interesting

[46:39] So is it a really light place then?

[46:41] Well,

[46:42] nuclear energy

[46:43] can be pretty bright.

Elliott Kalan

[46:45] I think this is a good name

[46:46] because the Shadows Bane

[46:47] would be light

[46:48] that is so powerful

[46:49] that it can kill.

[46:50] Right?

[46:51] And that's essentially

[46:51] what radiation is

[46:53] to someone who is not

[46:54] a scientist.

[46:54] All right,

[46:54] you've turned me around.

Stuart Wellington

[46:55] So do you think this,

[46:56] do you think this

[46:56] post-apocalyptic

[46:57] super train,

[46:59] do you think

[47:00] the tracks

[47:01] already laid down

[47:01] or do you think

[47:02] it's like something like

[47:03] that China Miebel novel

[47:04] where...

Elliott Kalan

[47:05] Don't pretend

[47:06] you're not totally impressed

[47:07] by the phrase

[47:08] post-apocalyptic

[47:08] super train.

[47:09] No, that's what I'm saying.

Stuart Wellington

[47:10] But do you think

[47:11] it's like in that

[47:12] China Miebel novel

[47:13] Iron Council

[47:14] where they have

[47:15] the people that live

[47:16] on this train

[47:17] and they have people

[47:18] who ride far ahead

[47:19] and lay new track down

[47:20] and then people

[47:21] who ride far behind

[47:22] and pick up the old track

[47:23] so it's constantly like...

[47:25] No, I don't think

[47:26] it's like that.

[47:26] Okay.

[47:27] That'd be pretty cool.

[47:28] That would be cool.

[47:29] It's a pretty cool book.

[47:29] He's got some good ideas,

[47:30] that guy.

Elliott Kalan

[47:31] He's got some good stuff, yeah.

[47:32] Nothing in the movie

[47:33] makes it seem like

[47:34] this is a well-maintained track

[47:36] that is constantly

[47:37] being recreated.

Dan McCoy

[47:38] Slow way to travel.

Stuart Wellington

[47:40] Yeah, I mean,

[47:41] but it's one way

[47:42] to just be free

[47:43] and not be stuck

[47:44] in new Kroboozan city.

Elliott Kalan

[47:47] The worst.

[47:47] I mean,

[47:48] old Kroboozan

[47:49] is even worse.

[47:50] That's the thing.

[47:50] You should have seen

[47:51] how bad the old one was.

[47:53] There's a reason

[47:53] there's a new one.

[47:54] Yeah.

[47:55] So,

[47:56] what do I say?

[47:57] Oh yeah,

[47:57] they're being chased

[47:57] by this train.

[47:58] They've got to take

[47:59] a dangerous route

[48:00] that forces them

[48:01] to fight off a horde

[48:02] of demon skeleton people

[48:04] inside a wing of fire.

Stuart Wellington

[48:05] I feel like

[48:06] Dave Bautista's got to look

[48:07] to Mia Jovovich

[48:08] for expertise on this

[48:09] because she fights

[48:10] CGI garbage all the time,

[48:11] right?

Elliott Kalan

[48:12] It's true.

[48:13] I mean,

[48:13] and also she knows

[48:14] these guys.

[48:15] She does.

[48:17] It's most of her career now

[48:18] is fighting CGI garbage.

[48:20] But the,

[48:21] she also knows

[48:22] these guys personally

[48:23] and she's using

[48:23] her sickle blades

[48:24] to fight them.

Stuart Wellington

[48:26] And they're pretty cool

[48:26] because they look like sickles

[48:27] or she can flip them around

[48:28] with their like

[48:29] punch dagger things,

[48:30] almost like K-tars.

Elliott Kalan

[48:31] But it's another weird thing

[48:33] where I think it's Boyce

[48:35] who's like,

[48:36] fire is the only thing

[48:37] that scares anything

[48:38] over here.

[48:38] Doesn't do shit.

[48:40] And it doesn't do that much.

[48:40] But then she kills the demons

[48:42] and she's like,

[48:43] oh yeah,

[48:43] I know those guys.

[48:44] Those were guys

[48:44] that had me leave them here

[48:46] and then they turned

[48:46] into demons.

[48:47] It's like,

[48:47] so why do we bother

[48:49] having Boyce

[48:50] giving advice

[48:50] about how to fight

[48:51] these guys

[48:52] if she not only knows

[48:53] how to fight these guys

[48:54] but knows these guys?

[48:55] They know her.

[48:56] Part of the point

Stuart Wellington

[48:57] is that she is

[48:58] pretending to be naive

[49:00] and he is like

[49:02] giving advice

[49:03] actually,

[49:03] I don't need your advice.

Elliott Kalan

[49:05] And if that's what

[49:06] they're doing,

[49:06] which maybe that's

[49:07] what they're doing,

[49:07] then I feel like

[49:08] they've got to do more

[49:09] with it.

[49:09] They've got to play it.

[49:10] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[49:10] it is unclear

[49:11] because she seems

[49:13] at all times

[49:14] to be the most powerful

[49:15] person on screen

[49:16] and the most knowledgeable

[49:17] person on screen.

[49:18] Like,

[49:18] I don't buy

[49:19] that she needs

[49:20] this guide

[49:21] and we'll find out

[49:22] later on.

[49:22] It turns out

Elliott Kalan

[49:23] at the end

[49:23] that she didn't

[49:24] but it was a,

[49:25] but until,

[49:26] it's another one

[49:27] of the things

[49:27] that like

[49:27] would have been

[49:28] more fun

[49:28] to know ahead of time

[49:29] that she is faking

[49:31] because this guy,

[49:32] but it's also

[49:33] one of those things

[49:34] I guess it's because

[49:34] they have to get

[49:34] back to the lair,

[49:35] right?

[49:36] Because you're like,

[49:36] well,

[49:37] at any point

[49:37] she could just

[49:38] do the thing

[49:39] that she needs to do

[49:40] and it's got to be

[49:41] during the full moon

[49:41] and I don't know.

[49:43] It's one of those movies

[49:44] where you're like,

[49:45] afterwards you're like,

[49:46] yeah,

[49:46] I guess that stuff

[49:47] all kind of ties together

[49:48] but while you're watching it,

[49:49] it feels like

[49:50] they're just making it up

[49:50] as they go along

[49:51] and not in a fun way.

[49:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[49:53] And like,

[49:54] at any point,

[49:56] Mia Jovovich's character

[49:57] can just bust out

[49:58] a sick flip.

[49:59] Yes.

[50:00] Now,

[50:01] Dave Bautista

[50:02] isn't putting this,

[50:03] he's not asked to

[50:04] or required to

[50:05] but I don't know

[50:06] if he could do

[50:07] a sick flip

[50:07] as quick as she can.

Dan McCoy

[50:08] I want to ask you something.

[50:09] If you could bust out

[50:10] a sick flip,

[50:11] how often would you do that?

[50:13] At least once a year

Stuart Wellington

[50:14] on my birthday.

[50:16] Oh,

[50:16] I feel like

[50:16] that's all you would do.

[50:17] That's a lot of conservation

[50:18] of sick flip.

Elliott Kalan

[50:19] I feel like

[50:20] your Instagram

[50:21] would just become

[50:21] sick flip after sick flip.

[50:23] That's true,

[50:23] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:23] It would be called

[50:24] Stu Sick Flips.

[50:25] Yeah.

[50:26] I'll have to quickly

[50:27] change my handle.

[50:28] You'd flip

[50:29] and then a graphic

[50:29] would come up

[50:30] that would say

[50:30] sick.

[50:31] Yeah.

[50:33] My social media manager

[50:35] is Elliot now.

[50:36] Yeah.

[50:37] Make sure I'm hitting

[50:38] all my SEOs.

Elliott Kalan

[50:41] Yeah,

[50:41] what keywords

[50:43] would we put in there?

[50:43] So it would be like

[50:44] sick,

[50:45] feet,

[50:46] ASMR.

[50:47] Feet.

[50:47] You gotta say flips.

[50:49] You gotta put flips

[50:50] like number one

[50:50] in that shit.

[50:51] So it was sick,

[50:52] flips,

[50:53] feet,

[50:54] ASMR,

[50:54] how much worth,

[50:56] wife,

[50:56] like all this stuff

[50:57] that would get you

[50:57] on the search engines.

[50:58] Yeah.

[51:00] So she's like,

[51:02] oh yeah,

[51:02] I helped those people

[51:03] get to this place

[51:04] and they turned

[51:04] into demons.

[51:05] I've got guilt

[51:05] from all the wishes

[51:06] that I have to fulfill.

[51:07] It's only one day

[51:08] until the full moon.

[51:09] The church guys

[51:10] are still pursuing.

[51:11] The patriarch demands

[51:12] they find the witch

[51:12] so that they can

[51:13] depose the king.

[51:14] Our heroes finally

[51:15] get to the fire fields.

[51:16] They're almost

[51:17] at Skull River

[51:18] and Alice plans

[51:19] to face Sardor alone

[51:21] go boys,

[51:22] leave me here.

[51:23] He's like,

[51:23] no,

[51:23] I'm not gonna go.

[51:25] I don't want you

[51:25] to go through with it.

[51:26] You shouldn't have

[51:27] to risk yourself.

[51:27] She throws rocks at him

[51:28] until he goes away.

[51:29] I never liked you.

[51:30] Yeah.

[51:31] She goes,

[51:32] I don't have a choice.

[51:33] I'm cursed

[51:33] and I've got to

[51:34] fulfill all the wishes

[51:36] Meanwhile,

[51:37] the queen and J'Race,

[51:38] they're totally kissing.

[51:39] J'Race,

[51:39] the head of the Overwatch,

[51:41] they're totally kissing.

[51:42] Back to our heroes,

[51:44] they're riding their horses

[51:45] along the train tracks.

[51:46] The bad guy train arrives.

[51:48] Instead of just-

[51:49] Sorry,

Dan McCoy

[51:49] I'm just imagining now

[51:50] like,

[51:52] sort of like

[51:54] completely G-rated

[51:55] porn

Elliott Kalan

[51:55] called totally kissing.

[51:57] Totally kissing.

[51:59] Because if there's

[52:00] anything kids love,

[52:01] from my experience,

[52:02] it's watching people kiss.

[52:03] It's certainly not

[52:04] something that they react to

[52:05] with disgust.

[52:06] Visceral.

[52:07] Visceral,

Stuart Wellington

[52:08] verbal disgust.

[52:09] So you're saying

[52:09] it doesn't fall

[52:10] into the category

[52:10] of general audiences?

[52:12] No.

[52:13] No,

[52:13] I don't think so.

[52:14] I got a question here,

[52:14] guys.

[52:14] This is a tactical decision here.

[52:17] If you know-

[52:18] If you're being chased

[52:18] by a train-

[52:19] A post-apocalyptic

[52:20] super train,

[52:21] do you-

[52:22] Keep following the tracks?

[52:23] Keep following the train tracks.

[52:24] Yeah,

[52:24] that was going to be my question.

[52:25] You anticipated it.

Elliott Kalan

[52:26] Yes,

[52:27] exactly.

[52:27] Do you have

Stuart Wellington

[52:27] Grey Alice's powers

[52:29] of foresight?

Elliott Kalan

[52:30] Yeah,

[52:30] something like that.

[52:31] It's kind of like

[52:32] they're in a-

[52:34] If you were in like

[52:35] a Disney ride

[52:35] that went evil

[52:36] and was starting

[52:37] to kill people,

[52:38] it's kind of like

[52:38] they're just staying

[52:39] in the car

[52:40] of the Disney ride

[52:41] going faster,

[52:42] faster,

[52:43] instead of getting out

[52:43] and just leaving the ride.

[52:44] Yeah,

[52:45] it's an interesting choice

[52:47] to stay on the same route

[52:49] that is the only one

[52:50] the bad guys can choose.

[52:51] The bad guys,

[52:52] though,

[52:52] have an interesting choice

[52:53] because what happens

[52:53] is Grey Alice

[52:54] waits for the train,

[52:56] runs a little bit,

[52:57] and then the train

[52:58] goes right off

[52:59] a broken track

[52:59] into a chasm.

[53:02] Yeah,

[53:02] so there's two,

[53:03] there's a lot of dumbness

[53:04] going on here

[53:05] that the heroes

[53:05] are sticking to the same road

[53:07] that's the only road

[53:08] the bad guys can use

[53:09] and that the bad guys

[53:10] just don't seem to know

[53:11] that the road stops

[53:13] at a certain point

[53:13] and they just keep going

[53:15] until they get out of it.

[53:15] Also,

Elliott Kalan

[53:15] that they're like,

Stuart Wellington

[53:17] like they don't realize

[53:18] that she can just leave

[53:19] the train tracks,

[53:20] that they're like,

[53:21] hey,

[53:21] let's just gun it.

[53:22] We're going to run her over.

[53:23] She has no options.

[53:24] There's literally no way

[53:25] that she can do a sick flip

[53:26] in this moment.

[53:27] No.

Elliott Kalan

[53:27] No,

[53:27] it's impossible.

[53:28] It's impossible.

[53:29] She used them all up.

[53:30] She used up her sick flips

[53:31] and she has to do

[53:32] a short rest

[53:33] to get back one

[53:33] or a long rest

[53:34] to get back her full three.

[53:35] Oh,

[53:36] hell yeah.

[53:37] Now,

[53:38] it is a,

[53:39] there's a thing in improv

[53:39] where they talk about

[53:40] your character

[53:41] acting at the top

[53:43] of your intelligence,

[53:44] you know,

[53:44] not having a character

[53:45] just be dumb

[53:46] or make dumb decisions

[53:47] or doing stupid things

[53:49] because you think

[53:49] it'll be funny,

[53:50] but still being at the top

[53:51] of your intelligence

[53:52] so that you can get

[53:52] to more interesting

[53:53] or funnier stuff.

[53:54] I feel like all these characters

[53:55] are at the very bottom

[53:55] of their intelligence.

[53:56] Like they are,

[53:57] at a certain point,

[53:58] it's like,

[53:58] I'm amazed that they can

[53:59] still communicate verbally.

[54:00] They're all acting so stupid.

[54:02] Yeah.

[54:03] So,

[54:03] so the train,

[54:04] she,

[54:05] the train follows.

[54:06] Her plan to,

[54:07] to stop them

[54:07] is just to lead them

[54:09] to where the train

[54:09] was going to go anyway

[54:11] because that's the only place

[54:12] the track can go

[54:13] and it falls off a cliff.

[54:15] which means that there's a version

[54:16] of this story

[54:16] where she and boys

[54:17] take another way

[54:18] to get where they're going.

[54:19] The train just keeps going

[54:21] and just rolls off a cliff

[54:22] and they never even see it,

[54:23] you know?

Stuart Wellington

[54:23] Yeah,

[54:23] yeah,

[54:24] yeah,

[54:24] yeah.

[54:24] The whole Raiders of the Lost Ark argument

[54:26] where.

[54:27] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[54:28] that Indy is useless

[54:29] in that movie.

[54:29] Yeah.

[54:29] It doesn't need to be there.

[54:30] Yeah,

[54:30] yeah.

[54:31] He needs to be there

[54:32] to call the government

[54:33] to be like,

[54:33] here's where to pick up that crate

[54:35] because otherwise that crate

[54:36] would just be sitting

[54:37] in the desert somewhere.

Stuart Wellington

[54:38] Until some kid walks over

[54:39] oh,

[54:40] sick crate.

[54:40] Whoa!

Elliott Kalan

[54:41] Oh,

[54:42] cool.

[54:42] The coolest thing,

[54:43] a crate.

[54:45] I can put,

[54:46] I can fill this with hay

[54:47] so that things don't get broken

[54:49] when they're shipped in it.

[54:50] This is going to be awesome.

[54:52] Dan,

[54:53] what would you do

[54:53] with a cool crate

[54:54] if you were a kid?

[54:55] Oh,

Dan McCoy

[54:55] boy.

[54:56] Wait,

Elliott Kalan

[54:57] let's set the scene.

[54:57] It's 1990,

[54:59] let's say.

[55:00] No,

[55:00] maybe 1989.

[55:01] Still the 80s.

[55:01] 1989.

[55:02] Young Dan,

[55:03] how old would you have been

[55:03] in 1989?

Dan McCoy

[55:05] Like,

[55:05] 11?

[55:06] 10?

[55:07] Wait,

[55:08] no,

[55:11] 11.

Elliott Kalan

[55:12] Okay,

[55:12] I didn't mean to challenge you.

[55:14] You know what,

[55:14] Dan,

[55:14] I didn't know this was going to be

[55:15] as big a challenge as it was.

[55:16] So,

[55:17] you're 11 years old,

[55:18] you're walking through

[55:19] Earlham,

[55:19] Illinois.

[55:19] You don't expect something

[55:20] exciting to happen.

[55:21] Earlham,

[55:22] Illinois?

[55:22] No,

[55:22] that's his college.

[55:23] That's Earlham,

[55:24] Indiana.

[55:25] That's right,

[55:25] you're walking around,

[55:26] Dan,

[55:26] was it Eureka?

[55:27] Eureka,

[55:27] yeah.

[55:27] Sorry,

[55:28] Eureka,

[55:28] Illinois.

[55:29] I apologize.

Stuart Wellington

[55:30] Eureka's what gold miners say,

[55:33] Earlham is what Quakers say.

Dan McCoy

[55:35] Eureka's what Archimedes says

[55:37] when he realizes

[55:38] he's displaced water.

Elliott Kalan

[55:40] That's actually an urban legend.

[55:41] He actually said,

[55:42] Earlham.

[55:43] Wow.

[55:43] He jumped out of the tub

[55:44] and said,

[55:45] Earlham,

[55:45] and ran through the town naked.

[55:46] And they said,

[55:47] we should found a college.

[55:48] And that's why Earlham's mascot,

[55:49] as you know,

[55:50] is the fighting naked Archimedes.

[55:51] Now,

[55:52] so you're walking around Eureka,

[55:54] Illinois.

[55:54] You don't expect much to happen.

[55:56] Suddenly,

[55:57] you see a crate

[55:57] just sitting there

[55:58] for the taking.

[55:59] What are you going to do with it?

[56:00] Well,

Dan McCoy

[56:00] first,

[56:00] I'm going to make sure

[56:01] that Fluffy from Creepshow

[56:03] is not living in that crate

[56:04] because that's a dangerous...

[56:05] Smart,

Dan McCoy

[56:05] very smart.

Elliott Kalan

[56:06] A dangerous...

[56:07] That's the largest cause

[56:08] of crate-related injuries.

Dan McCoy

[56:11] Maybe I'll just,

[56:12] like,

[56:12] set up,

[56:12] like,

[56:13] you know,

[56:14] I can't put it in a tree.

[56:15] Like,

[56:16] I don't have the strength,

[56:17] so I want to have a tree house,

[56:18] but maybe I just have,

[56:18] like,

[56:18] an adjunct,

[56:19] like,

[56:20] hang in my backyard.

[56:22] Like,

[56:22] I just,

[56:22] like,

[56:22] have my own little house of my own.

[56:25] I'm a homeowner.

[56:26] I'm...

[56:27] I have...

[56:29] The American dream,

[56:30] even at 11,

[56:31] I have achieved it.

Elliott Kalan

[56:33] I mean,

[56:33] that was that...

[56:34] I mean,

[56:34] times were so different back then.

[56:35] Even an 11-year-old

[56:36] could be the homeowner.

[56:37] Now it's beyond the reach

[56:38] of so many adults.

[56:40] So,

[56:40] like,

[56:40] Diogenes living in a big wine cask,

[56:42] you would just live in a crate

[56:43] on your parents' property

[56:44] or would you put it somewhere else?

Dan McCoy

[56:47] I think I would have to

[56:48] be on my parents' property.

[56:49] If I put it somewhere else,

[56:50] there would always be the chance

[56:51] I'd be in there,

[56:51] like,

[56:52] reading comics or whatever

[56:53] and,

[56:54] you know,

[56:54] like,

[56:54] a forklift comes,

[56:56] takes me away,

[56:56] someone's clearing a crate

[56:57] off their lawn.

Elliott Kalan

[56:59] Yeah,

[56:59] possible.

[57:00] You wouldn't write,

[57:01] like,

[57:01] Dan's crate keep out

[57:02] on the outside?

Dan McCoy

[57:04] I don't think that's gonna

[57:05] stop someone

[57:06] who's angry about me,

[57:08] you know,

[57:09] like,

[57:09] building a house in their place.

[57:10] You're gonna be so wrapped up

[57:10] in the adventures

[57:10] of Snuffy Smith.

[57:12] Right.

[57:13] I'm reading one of those

[57:13] Snuffy Smith comic books

[57:16] that they put out.

[57:17] Times were so different

Elliott Kalan

[57:17] back then.

[57:18] In 1989,

[57:18] everybody was reading

[57:19] Snuffy Smith comic books.

[57:22] Yeah.

[57:22] And they were all

[57:23] original adventures, too.

[57:24] It wasn't just three packages

[57:25] of the old comic strip.

[57:26] Well,

[57:26] of course,

Stuart Wellington

[57:27] you had kinetic powers

[57:28] as well as being a hillbilly.

[57:31] Yeah.

[57:32] Fantagraphics was dipping

[57:33] their toe into superhero books

[57:34] and this was their first one.

[57:35] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[57:35] I think,

[57:36] but Dan would have,

[57:36] he would have read

[57:37] the next iteration

[57:38] of Snuffy Smith,

[57:38] which was a penthouse

[57:39] comics release.

[57:40] Oh,

[57:40] yeah,

[57:40] yeah.

[57:41] Yeah,

[57:41] yeah.

Dan McCoy

[57:42] Yeah,

[57:42] well,

[57:42] they were just

[57:43] repackaging

[57:43] old Tijuana Bibles.

Elliott Kalan

[57:47] Is that the religion

[57:49] you found,

[57:49] Dan?

[57:50] Now,

[57:50] I'm imagining a story

[57:51] where Dan is in a hotel

[57:52] and he's had a rough day.

[57:54] He opens up the drawer

[57:54] and there's a Tijuana Bible

[57:55] inside and that's what

[57:56] sets him on his path

[57:57] of being a cartoon-based

[57:58] perv.

[57:59] I saw the light that day,

[58:01] the light that Blondie

[58:02] from the Blondie comic strip

[58:04] could take on two guys

[58:05] at once.

Dan McCoy

[58:06] Yeah,

[58:06] I'm left there

[58:07] by a perverse missionary

[58:09] wanting to spread the word.

Stuart Wellington

[58:12] I mean,

[58:12] that's,

[58:13] yeah,

[58:13] the hobos leaving

[58:14] porn by railroad stations

[58:17] was kind of,

[58:18] yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[58:19] makes sense.

[58:20] Well,

[58:20] that was a public service

[58:21] they're providing

[58:21] for the federal government.

[58:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[58:23] In exchange for immunity

[58:25] for all their pie theft.

[58:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[58:26] That was the deal

[58:28] that the hobo union

[58:29] made with the,

[58:29] with the government.

[58:30] Now we're,

[58:31] now we're,

[58:31] we're slowly encroaching

[58:32] onto John Hodgkin territory

[58:33] if it's hobos making a deal

[58:35] with the government.

[58:35] So let's move back

[58:36] to In the Lost Lands.

[58:38] So they,

[58:39] they have defeated

[58:40] the church soldiers.

[58:42] The Overwatch kills

[58:43] all the church people

[58:44] and the patriarchs.

[58:45] The Queen is moving

[58:46] against the church.

[58:47] Our heroes get to

[58:47] Skull River finally.

[58:49] Skull River,

[58:50] wider than a mile.

[58:51] My Huckleberry friend,

[58:52] Skull River.

[58:54] And me,

[58:55] or is it end you?

[58:56] I don't remember

[58:56] the words of the song.

[58:58] Boyce is still trying

[58:59] to get Alice to turn back.

[59:00] The Queen is waiting

[59:01] for the witch.

[59:02] Jeraeus is like,

[59:02] hey,

[59:03] do you really have to be

[59:04] a werewolf?

[59:04] And the Queen's like,

[59:05] yeah,

[59:05] I do want to be a werewolf.

[59:06] Alice puts on her silver

[59:07] kind of talon claw rings.

[59:10] Those are super cool.

[59:11] And Boyce is like,

[59:12] silver is useless

[59:13] against Sardor.

[59:14] And Alice is like,

[59:14] I have no choice.

[59:14] He's basically saying,

Stuart Wellington

[59:16] the trick is,

[59:17] after you put on

[59:17] all your jewelry,

[59:18] you need to take one off

[59:19] so you don't

[59:20] accessorize.

Elliott Kalan

[59:21] Take off one of those

[59:22] silver claw talons.

Dan McCoy

[59:23] Boyce is like,

[59:24] you know what Sardor

[59:25] really loves?

[59:25] If you smear yourself

[59:26] with meat,

[59:27] that's what really

[59:28] helps to beat him.

Elliott Kalan

[59:29] You know what really

[59:30] hurts Sardor is if you

[59:31] just left sausages

[59:32] around and went home.

[59:34] Yeah.

[59:35] He would hate that.

Dan McCoy

[59:36] If you buried that silver

[59:37] deep below the ground.

Elliott Kalan

[59:41] Sardor actually loves silver.

[59:42] He loves it.

[59:43] So if you want to attack him,

[59:44] you want to attack him

[59:45] with like,

[59:45] I don't know,

[59:46] like a small child,

[59:47] like a small child

[59:48] that you've already

[59:49] put barbecue sauce on.

[59:50] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:51] He would hate it

[59:53] if you just pickle brined

[59:54] yourself

[59:55] and then took

[59:56] a really long nap.

Elliott Kalan

[59:59] You know what,

[1:00:00] Sardor hates it

[1:00:01] when his opponents

[1:00:01] are full of NyQuil.

[1:00:03] He just hates it.

[1:00:04] It's his weakness.

[1:00:06] Yeah.

[1:00:06] So it's raining,

[1:00:08] there's a full moon

[1:00:09] and Alice declares

[1:00:10] that Boyce lied.

[1:00:11] She knows there is

[1:00:12] no Sardor.

[1:00:13] He's the real werewolf

[1:00:14] and she unleashes

[1:00:15] her silver claw talons

[1:00:16] and Boyce is like,

[1:00:17] I tried to warn you,

[1:00:18] which he didn't really

[1:00:19] and he turns into

[1:00:20] a wolfman

[1:00:20] and they fight

[1:00:22] for a little while.

[1:00:22] Okay, real quick,

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:23] what do you guys think

[1:00:23] of these werewolf effects?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:25] They could be worse,

[1:00:26] but they could be better.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:27] Interesting.

[1:00:28] Can you give me

[1:00:29] a certain example

[1:00:29] of worse werewolf effects?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:32] An American werewolf

[1:00:33] in Paris?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:33] Okay.

[1:00:34] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:35] That's fair.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:38] This is kind of

[1:00:39] a Van Helsing-esque

[1:00:40] werewolf,

[1:00:40] I would say.

[1:00:41] Yeah, okay.

[1:00:42] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:42] Yeah.

[1:00:42] It's less wolf

[1:00:43] and more a furry man

[1:00:45] with kind of like

[1:00:45] a snubby wolf face,

[1:00:47] you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:47] But like big muscular,

[1:00:49] like torso wolf.

[1:00:51] Yeah.

[1:00:51] But when it's Dave Bautista

[1:00:52] turning into a wolf man,

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:53] like where's the mass

[1:00:55] going to go, Dan?

[1:00:55] Let's talk about,

[1:00:56] this is a movie that is,

[1:00:57] this is a movie that is

[1:00:59] so based on real science.

[1:01:00] That's the thing

[1:01:01] I like about it.

[1:01:01] Yeah.

[1:01:02] If he turned into

[1:01:02] a skinny werewolf,

[1:01:03] you'd be like,

[1:01:03] what happened to all that mass?

[1:01:05] He's a big guy.

[1:01:05] You can't do that.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:06] Well, maybe it's just

[1:01:07] being more compact.

[1:01:09] Oh, yeah.

[1:01:10] He's got compact wolf muscles now.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:12] Oh, I see.

[1:01:13] Like a runner

[1:01:14] or a swimmer.

[1:01:15] Yeah, he's powerful.

[1:01:16] But again,

[1:01:16] he's a big bodybuilder.

[1:01:18] If I turn into a werewolf,

[1:01:19] yeah, stringy,

[1:01:20] kind of not in great shape werewolf.

[1:01:22] But if Dave Bautista

[1:01:22] turns into a werewolf,

[1:01:23] that werewolf's

[1:01:23] going to be stacked,

[1:01:24] you know?

[1:01:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:25] Yeah, it's true.

[1:01:26] Totally juiced.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:27] Anyway,

[1:01:27] it totally juiced.

[1:01:28] And that juice,

[1:01:29] werewolf blood.

[1:01:31] She uses her witch powers

[1:01:32] to make herself

[1:01:33] look into a big raven

[1:01:34] and she fights him

[1:01:35] and he falls down.

[1:01:38] He falls down?

[1:01:40] I mean,

[1:01:40] that's a good summary.

[1:01:41] Does he or does he not fall down?

[1:01:43] No, I guess he does fall down.

[1:01:44] Does he float up in the air?

[1:01:45] No.

[1:01:46] Is he swimming away?

[1:01:47] No.

[1:01:49] He turns back into a human

[1:01:50] and she's tending to his wounds.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:51] Because like the moon is covered, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:54] He's very moon dependent.

[1:01:55] The cloud goes over the moon

[1:01:56] so he changes back

[1:01:57] and she's like,

[1:01:58] and they agree

[1:01:58] that they are two of a kind.

[1:02:00] This is one of those moments

[1:02:01] where I'm like,

[1:02:01] no, you didn't earn this.

[1:02:02] The idea that like

[1:02:03] they're kindred spirits.

[1:02:04] That's the opposite

[1:02:05] of what this movie

[1:02:06] has been telling us.

[1:02:07] Boyce wakes up

[1:02:08] to find Alice has chained him up.

[1:02:10] She's been,

[1:02:11] she used her magic or whatever

[1:02:13] but also we find out,

[1:02:14] as Stuart mentioned,

[1:02:14] when she was sewing up his wound,

[1:02:16] she put like a silver coin

[1:02:17] in his body

[1:02:19] and so the silver in his blood now

[1:02:21] and that is poisoning him

[1:02:22] and he's like,

[1:02:23] I'm making a wish.

[1:02:25] I wish that we could be together.

[1:02:26] Don't you have to fulfill every wish?

[1:02:28] And she's like,

[1:02:29] I can refuse no one.

[1:02:30] And the moon comes out

[1:02:31] and he turns into a werewolf

[1:02:31] and she skins him alive

[1:02:33] as he roars,

[1:02:35] which is pretty,

[1:02:36] that's pretty dope.

[1:02:37] That's pretty gruesome.

[1:02:39] It's like the movie,

[1:02:40] The Black Cat,

[1:02:40] when Bela Lugosi

[1:02:41] is ostensibly the hero

[1:02:43] of the movie

[1:02:43] until he's like,

[1:02:44] well, I've got you,

[1:02:44] Boris Karloff,

[1:02:45] and I'm going to skin you alive

[1:02:46] and you're like,

[1:02:46] well, that's not the kind of thing

[1:02:47] a hero does.

[1:02:48] Yeah, no, thank you.

[1:02:49] Although the funny thing

[1:02:49] in that movie is

[1:02:50] you see him doing it silhouette

[1:02:51] and his knife movements

[1:02:52] are so small

[1:02:53] that it's like he's really

[1:02:54] taking his time with it.

[1:02:55] He's just chipping away

[1:02:56] at his skin.

[1:02:58] Great movie though,

[1:02:59] Black Cat.

[1:02:59] Doesn't make any sense,

[1:03:00] but it's a great movie.

[1:03:00] The next day,

[1:03:01] she has buried him.

[1:03:02] She rides back

[1:03:03] with his pelt.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:04] He has like a little cairn,

[1:03:05] right?

[1:03:05] He's got a cool little cairn.

[1:03:06] Yeah, she made a little

[1:03:06] rock cairn for him.

[1:03:07] Because she didn't want

[1:03:07] to dig super deep.

[1:03:09] She didn't have

[1:03:09] all the tools for that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:10] She doesn't have a shovel.

[1:03:11] Was she going to dig

[1:03:12] with those little talons?

[1:03:13] Silverclaws, yeah.

[1:03:14] Yeah.

[1:03:14] She's going to get them

[1:03:15] all messed up.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:18] Silverclaws.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:20] It's Christmas time

[1:03:22] in the Lost Lands.

[1:03:24] Hear them ring.

[1:03:26] Kill Sardor.

[1:03:26] Dingle.

[1:03:27] Kill Sardor.

[1:03:29] But it was really

[1:03:30] boys all the time.

[1:03:32] Silverclaws, of course,

[1:03:33] not based on Silverclaw,

[1:03:34] the former member

[1:03:35] of the Avengers

[1:03:36] from the Marvel comics.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:37] Do you think

[1:03:38] it would have been better

[1:03:38] if Sardor had instead

[1:03:40] been like a mix-up

[1:03:42] for Boyce?

[1:03:44] Like if his name

[1:03:45] had been like...

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:46] It's backwards.

[1:03:47] His name was like Ekiob.

[1:03:48] Oh, Boyce backwards

[1:03:49] is Ekiob, of course.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:53] Yeah, yeah.

[1:03:54] Where what happened is

[1:03:55] he like wrote his name down.

[1:03:56] It was like Boyce plus,

[1:03:58] you know,

[1:03:59] Milbog.

[1:04:00] And then she saw it

[1:04:01] in a mirror.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:02] She saw it in a mirror, yeah.

[1:04:03] Oh, no.

[1:04:04] And the person

[1:04:06] Sila is really me.

[1:04:08] Yeah.

[1:04:09] So,

[1:04:09] she goes back.

[1:04:12] While she's writing back,

[1:04:13] the workers see her

[1:04:13] in the city

[1:04:14] and they're like,

[1:04:15] the witch who would not hang.

[1:04:16] The witch who...

[1:04:17] And just the sight of her

[1:04:18] leads them to rebel

[1:04:19] against the overlord

[1:04:21] and do an amazing job of it.

[1:04:23] It turns out that

[1:04:24] if the workers

[1:04:25] had ever bothered to rebel,

[1:04:26] they would overthrow

[1:04:27] the government

[1:04:27] almost instantly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:28] I think it's a pretty

[1:04:29] important message these days.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:30] Actually, that's true.

[1:04:31] It is an important...

[1:04:31] Well, it's a message that,

[1:04:33] to be honest,

[1:04:33] for all that turmoil,

[1:04:35] I feel like we are beginning

[1:04:36] to live through,

[1:04:37] which is really exciting.

[1:04:38] That people are in...

[1:04:39] As terrifying as it must be

[1:04:40] to live in Minnesota right now,

[1:04:43] that the people there are like,

[1:04:44] no,

[1:04:45] we're not going to back down.

[1:04:46] And all it...

[1:04:47] What it takes is us

[1:04:48] just kind of like

[1:04:48] making it known

[1:04:50] how this is not okay

[1:04:51] and it hasn't stopped it yet,

[1:04:52] but it does make it...

[1:04:53] It does make it more difficult

[1:04:55] and it will eventually

[1:04:56] lead to it stopping it.

[1:04:56] So that's really exciting.

[1:04:57] Yeah.

[1:04:57] Anyway,

[1:04:58] I don't mean to get political

[1:05:00] with you guys.

[1:05:01] Sorry.

[1:05:02] It's okay.

[1:05:02] It's the movie.

[1:05:03] The movie is infecting us.

[1:05:04] The movie brought it out of me.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:05] In the Lost Lands

[1:05:06] is what will radicalize us all.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:08] And this is normally...

[1:05:10] Long-time Flophouse listeners

[1:05:11] will know,

[1:05:11] this is normally

[1:05:12] when Dan and Stu

[1:05:13] would start projecting on...

[1:05:16] Sorry, Stu and me

[1:05:17] would start projecting on Dan

[1:05:18] hard right-wing support

[1:05:20] for what the government is doing,

[1:05:22] but we're not doing that anymore.

[1:05:23] That joke is dead.

[1:05:24] We're not doing that joke anymore.

[1:05:25] Thank you.

[1:05:25] Dan, it is too much...

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:27] It would have been

[1:05:27] pretty hilarious.

[1:05:29] It would have been so funny.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:30] And Dan would have gotten so mad

[1:05:32] and his anger at it

[1:05:33] would have been so funny.

[1:05:34] He would have gotten so upset.

[1:05:35] No, it's true.

[1:05:35] And we would have laughed

[1:05:36] and laughed

[1:05:37] and the audience would laugh and laugh.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:38] Bob Odenkirk of podcasting.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:40] Exactly.

[1:05:40] But we have crossed the Rubicon on that.

[1:05:42] It is no longer funny

[1:05:43] to project hard right ideals

[1:05:45] on Dan that he doesn't have.

[1:05:47] That's good.

[1:05:47] Don't worry.

[1:05:48] We'll find out...

[1:05:48] Just earlier this episode

[1:05:49] when we kept interrupting him,

[1:05:50] you should have seen his face.

[1:05:51] He was getting pissed

[1:05:52] and it was hilarious.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:53] Yeah, he looked like

[1:05:54] a real tomato over here.

[1:05:56] Yeah, I was like

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:56] Attack of the Killer Dan Matos?

[1:05:58] What's going on here?

Dan McCoy

[1:06:00] Are tomatoes

[1:06:01] the most angry thing?

[1:06:02] Yeah, because they're all red.

[1:06:03] Oh, I got it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:04] He was talking about Toe Mater,

[1:06:05] the character Mater

[1:06:06] from the Cars universe.

[1:06:07] Yeah.

[1:06:08] You're like,

[1:06:08] Dan was turning into

[1:06:09] a hillbilly pickup tow truck.

[1:06:10] He's so mad.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:11] He's so mad.

[1:06:12] It's like, that's my job.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:15] Where do they attach

[1:06:16] the fucking tow hook?

[1:06:17] Between his teeth?

Dan McCoy

[1:06:18] Oh, boy.

[1:06:19] Yeah.

[1:06:20] It's already got a big gap there.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:22] Yeah.

[1:06:22] No, but the tow hook

[1:06:23] is in the back

[1:06:24] because it's a tow truck.

[1:06:25] Oh, no.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:26] His is.

[1:06:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:27] Oh, yeah.

[1:06:29] It's the equivalent

[1:06:30] of if you took a knife

[1:06:31] and just stabbed it

[1:06:32] into someone's throat.

[1:06:33] That's what he's doing

[1:06:33] with the tow hook.

[1:06:35] Okay.

[1:06:35] Disgusting.

[1:06:36] So anyway,

[1:06:37] so Alice gives Boyce's pelt

[1:06:40] to Jiraiya

[1:06:41] and she's like,

[1:06:42] I killed Boyce

[1:06:43] so I fulfilled your wish.

[1:06:44] I knew what you really wanted

[1:06:46] was that the queen

[1:06:47] would not be in love

[1:06:47] with Boyce but with you.

[1:06:48] So I fulfilled

[1:06:49] the queen's wish.

[1:06:50] Here's the pelt.

[1:06:51] I fulfilled your wish

[1:06:52] by killing what you really wanted

[1:06:53] by killing Boyce

[1:06:54] and now you can have the queen.

[1:06:56] But the queen is so distraught

[1:06:57] at Boyce's death

[1:06:58] which Jiraiya really shouldn't

[1:06:59] have told her about

[1:07:00] that she goes,

[1:07:01] you did this

[1:07:01] and kills him.

[1:07:02] So the workers storm the castle.

[1:07:06] Sunlight hits the pelt

[1:07:07] and it burns away into sparks

[1:07:09] which fly back to Boyce's grave

[1:07:11] which starts shaking.

[1:07:12] Oh, what is this?

[1:07:13] The end of the League

[1:07:14] of Extraordinary Gentlemen movie?

[1:07:15] Yeah.

[1:07:16] Now Alice wakes up

[1:07:18] in her throne room

[1:07:19] and Boyce is returning

[1:07:21] with his gun

[1:07:22] and now we're-

[1:07:23] And a tail.

[1:07:24] Did he have a tail?

[1:07:25] Well, like a story.

[1:07:27] Oh, I thought you meant

[1:07:29] a tail like

[1:07:29] at the end of Teen Wolf 2

[1:07:30] when the teacher walks away

[1:07:31] and she's got a wolf tail.

[1:07:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:34] That's what I thought you meant.

[1:07:35] That's a lot like that.

[1:07:35] That's what happens

[1:07:36] at the end of Teen Wolf 2?

[1:07:37] Yeah, I'm trying to remember.

[1:07:39] I've never seen it.

[1:07:39] Teen Wolf 2,

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:40] there's that one teacher

[1:07:41] who's like back off

[1:07:41] from that student or whatever

[1:07:42] and when she walks away

[1:07:43] she's got a wolf tail

[1:07:44] and it's like,

[1:07:44] oh, she's a wolf also.

[1:07:46] Maybe I'm misremembering it.

[1:07:47] Never.

[1:07:47] I saw it once

[1:07:48] I think when I was like seven.

[1:07:49] So how old was I

[1:07:51] when Teen Wolf 2 came in the future?

[1:07:52] I didn't want to sully

Dan McCoy

[1:07:53] the immaculate memory

[1:07:54] of Teen Wolf

[1:07:55] by watching an inferior sequel.

[1:07:57] So I didn't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:58] I mean, it's one of those things

[1:07:59] where you watch Teen Wolf

[1:08:01] this is a dumb movie

[1:08:02] and you watch Teen Wolf 2

[1:08:03] oh, this is a shitty movie.

[1:08:05] They somehow took a movie

[1:08:06] that was stupid

[1:08:07] and made it even dumber.

[1:08:09] They couldn't even spell

[1:08:10] the number two.

[1:08:12] They spelled it T-O-O.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:13] Yeah.

[1:08:14] Well, because it's not

[1:08:15] the same Teen Wolf.

[1:08:16] It's Teen Wolf as well.

[1:08:18] That's true.

[1:08:18] Teen Wolf comma also.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:20] Yeah.

[1:08:20] He boxes?

Dan McCoy

[1:08:21] That's what he does

[1:08:22] in that one

[1:08:22] instead of basketball?

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:23] Yeah, he has a boxing match.

[1:08:25] Yeah, yeah.

[1:08:25] And there's a big musical number

[1:08:27] where he's lip syncing to

[1:08:28] Do You Love Me?

[1:08:29] I think,

[1:08:30] which I feel like was

[1:08:31] in the 1980s.

[1:08:33] Maybe I'm misremembering this.

[1:08:34] I feel like it was just

[1:08:35] the age of our parents,

[1:08:36] I guess,

[1:08:36] that Do You Love Me

[1:08:37] was this one song

[1:08:40] or Land of a Thousand Dances,

[1:08:41] whatever it's called,

[1:08:41] you know,

[1:08:42] whatever that song is called.

[1:08:43] That was the song

[1:08:44] that would show up.

[1:08:44] Now that I can dance.

[1:08:45] Yeah,

[1:08:45] Now that I can dance.

[1:08:46] That was the song

[1:08:49] that would show up in movies

[1:08:50] to show that someone

[1:08:50] was like a cool,

[1:08:51] rocking dude.

[1:08:52] Even as a kid,

[1:08:54] I was like,

[1:08:54] what is this old person music

[1:08:55] doing?

[1:08:56] Like,

[1:08:56] this guy's supposed

[1:08:56] to be a college student.

[1:08:57] Why is he dancing

[1:08:58] to this song?

Dan McCoy

[1:09:00] That's true.

[1:09:00] It's an oldie,

[1:09:01] but I like that one a lot.

[1:09:02] That one,

[1:09:03] Do You Love Me.

[1:09:04] Oh,

[1:09:04] I think it's just called

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:04] Do You Love Me.

[1:09:05] I'm thinking of a different song.

[1:09:06] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[1:09:06] Land of a Thousand Dances

[1:09:07] is the one that's like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:08] na, na, na, na, na, na, na.

[1:09:10] Oh, you're right.

[1:09:10] You're right.

[1:09:11] I got them mixed up

[1:09:12] because they're both talking

[1:09:13] about different dances, right?

[1:09:13] Yeah,

[1:09:14] that's one that's like,

[1:09:15] mashed potato.

[1:09:16] They both mention

[1:09:17] the mashed potato.

[1:09:18] Yeah.

[1:09:18] Best Do You Love Me.

[1:09:20] Like,

[1:09:20] can you do the twist?

[1:09:22] Yeah, yeah.

[1:09:22] Baby.

[1:09:23] Best Do You Love Me.

[1:09:24] But it is a fun song,

[1:09:25] but it's like,

[1:09:26] he would be dancing

[1:09:26] like a Queenstrike song

[1:09:28] probably, right?

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:28] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:09:29] Some fucking prog metal.

[1:09:31] Yeah.

[1:09:33] He's like,

[1:09:34] I'm rocking out

[1:09:34] to Silent Lucidity.

[1:09:36] Yeah.

[1:09:37] That's the song that I'm-

[1:09:38] Silent Lucidity

[1:09:39] is the song

[1:09:40] you'd be rocking out to

[1:09:40] or something off

[1:09:41] of Operation Mindcrime.

[1:09:42] Silent Lucidity.

[1:09:43] No, it would be off

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:44] of Operation Mindcrime.

[1:09:45] Yeah.

[1:09:46] So,

Dan McCoy

[1:09:47] your,

[1:09:47] your like,

[1:09:49] facial expressions

[1:09:49] are really lucid?

[1:09:51] Is that what that's-

[1:09:52] Silent Lucidity?

[1:09:53] Yeah.

[1:09:53] I'm trying to figure out

[1:09:54] what that means.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:56] Yeah, I think it's about

[1:09:57] lucid dreaming,

[1:09:58] but I'm not sure.

[1:09:59] I'd have to check

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:00] the lyric sheet.

[1:10:01] Yeah, we'll have to check

[1:10:01] the record,

[1:10:02] the archives for that one.

[1:10:03] Going back to the

[1:10:04] Cortez transcripts.

[1:10:05] I'll let me text

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:06] Jeff Tate real quick.

[1:10:07] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:08] Anyway, we've got

[1:10:08] 45 seconds left

[1:10:09] in the movie, I think,

[1:10:10] and I'm the one

[1:10:11] who's wasting time.

[1:10:12] Boyce is there.

[1:10:13] He's got a tail,

[1:10:13] T-A-L-E.

[1:10:15] He is like,

[1:10:16] he's,

[1:10:16] so we find out

[1:10:17] this whole movie

[1:10:18] is what he's been

[1:10:19] telling to Gray Alice

[1:10:20] before he kills her

[1:10:22] for skinning him alive.

[1:10:23] And she reveals,

[1:10:24] I knew what was

[1:10:25] going to happen.

[1:10:25] I planned all this

[1:10:26] so that it would

[1:10:27] cause a revolution

[1:10:28] and you would live

[1:10:29] because I knew

[1:10:30] that you would live

[1:10:31] magic.

[1:10:32] You would survive this.

[1:10:33] Maybe she used

[1:10:34] her magic statement.

[1:10:34] I don't know.

[1:10:35] And now they can be,

[1:10:36] it looks like they're

[1:10:37] about to fight each other,

[1:10:38] but they actually

[1:10:39] kind of love each other.

[1:10:40] So they ride off

[1:10:41] into the sunset

[1:10:42] on their horses

[1:10:43] to have more adventures

[1:10:44] as the legendary heroes

[1:10:46] Boyce and Gray Alice.

[1:10:48] Stay tuned for

[1:10:49] In the Lost Land 2,

[1:10:51] In the Lost Lands T-O-O.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:52] Yeah.

[1:10:53] Because there's more

[1:10:54] Lost Lands.

[1:10:55] Yeah.

[1:10:55] There's a bunch of bloops

[1:10:56] where Dave Bautista

[1:10:57] hits Midojovich

[1:11:00] with his hat.

[1:11:01] No, there were no bloops.

[1:11:02] I wish there were

[1:11:03] there were no bloops.

[1:11:04] You know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:05] Actually, the sequel

[1:11:06] would be called

Dan McCoy

[1:11:06] dancing, dancing together

[1:11:08] in a wolf costume.

[1:11:09] If this ended

[1:11:10] with like the whole cast

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:11] dancing together

[1:11:12] to now that I can dance

[1:11:14] or something,

[1:11:14] I'd be like,

[1:11:15] forget it in Lost Lands.

[1:11:17] And the sequel

[1:11:17] should be called

[1:11:18] In the Lost Lands

[1:11:18] colon Lost Lands Found.

[1:11:20] That should be

[1:11:21] the name of the sequel.

[1:11:22] But there will be

[1:11:23] no sequel.

[1:11:24] Guys, so,

[1:11:26] final judgments.

[1:11:26] Final judgments.

[1:11:27] Good bad movie,

[1:11:28] a bad bad movie,

[1:11:29] or a movie you kind of liked.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:30] Yeah.

[1:11:32] This is a bad bad movie

[1:11:34] for me.

[1:11:35] I went into it

[1:11:37] with a certain amount

[1:11:37] of like,

[1:11:38] oh, maybe this will be fun.

[1:11:39] Maybe this will be fun trash.

[1:11:41] I like these people.

[1:11:42] You know,

[1:11:43] it'll be silly

[1:11:43] or whatever.

[1:11:44] And I just got

[1:11:46] so bored

[1:11:47] by,

[1:11:49] like I just wasn't able

[1:11:50] to follow

[1:11:52] a lot of the sort of

[1:11:54] like ins and outs

[1:11:55] of it

[1:11:56] because I didn't,

[1:11:57] not because I didn't have

[1:11:58] the brain power,

[1:11:59] but because the movie

[1:12:00] didn't give me.

[1:12:01] we don't know that.

[1:12:01] Well, maybe it's,

[1:12:03] but because the movie

[1:12:03] didn't give me like

[1:12:04] reason enough

[1:12:05] to care

[1:12:06] to like

[1:12:08] really work at it.

[1:12:10] You know,

[1:12:10] like there was,

[1:12:11] I texted you guys,

[1:12:12] I think that like

[1:12:13] it's rare that I like

[1:12:14] care less about

[1:12:15] why a movie is happening.

[1:12:18] And that was

[1:12:18] the big problem.

[1:12:19] So I,

[1:12:19] bad bad for me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:21] Yeah,

[1:12:21] I'll probably,

[1:12:22] I'll throw this

[1:12:22] kind of,

[1:12:23] it's,

[1:12:24] this is a bad,

[1:12:24] bad movie

[1:12:25] that like

[1:12:26] occasionally has moments

[1:12:27] that I feel like

[1:12:27] are good,

[1:12:28] bad.

[1:12:29] But yeah,

[1:12:29] it's like,

[1:12:30] it's,

[1:12:30] it's a mess.

[1:12:31] It,

[1:12:32] it doesn't quite

[1:12:33] scratch the itch

[1:12:34] of the like

[1:12:35] direct-to-video

[1:12:36] adventures that I,

[1:12:37] I have affection for.

[1:12:39] I feel like there's

[1:12:41] too much emphasis

[1:12:43] put on action sequences

[1:12:44] that aren't

[1:12:45] particularly interesting.

[1:12:48] and yeah,

[1:12:50] it's just,

[1:12:50] just not a lot of fun.

[1:12:51] Not enough,

[1:12:51] not enough juice here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:53] Yeah,

[1:12:53] I,

[1:12:53] I would call this,

[1:12:54] I would also call it

[1:12:55] bad,

[1:12:55] bad.

[1:12:55] I feel like it is,

[1:12:57] I,

[1:12:57] I find it inoffensive

[1:12:58] in certain ways

[1:12:59] because it's just

[1:13:00] kind of like

[1:13:00] junk.

[1:13:01] but it feels very

[1:13:02] half-assed to me.

[1:13:03] Like there's a,

[1:13:04] there's a half-assedness

[1:13:05] about like,

[1:13:05] this is good enough.

[1:13:06] This is fine.

[1:13:07] Like this is enough

[1:13:08] story,

[1:13:08] whatever.

[1:13:08] Like this is enough

[1:13:09] character development,

[1:13:10] whatever.

[1:13:11] This is enough,

[1:13:11] like this fight,

[1:13:13] it's fine.

[1:13:14] Like there's no,

[1:13:15] it doesn't feel like

[1:13:15] anyone was too excited

[1:13:17] by what they were doing.

[1:13:18] And as a result,

[1:13:19] it all kind of feels

[1:13:20] very generic to me.

[1:13:21] Like if you told me,

[1:13:22] oh yeah,

[1:13:23] this is a bunch of

[1:13:23] cut scenes from a video game,

[1:13:25] I'd be like,

[1:13:25] yeah,

[1:13:25] I guess so.

[1:13:26] That makes sense.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:27] But it's half-assed

[1:13:27] in such a weird way

[1:13:28] where they're like

[1:13:28] constantly throwing

[1:13:29] a bunch of shit

[1:13:30] at the wall.

[1:13:31] And even though

[1:13:31] the visuals are like

[1:13:32] gray in that digital way,

[1:13:35] like there'll be like

[1:13:36] cool looking stuff.

[1:13:38] Like there's all this stuff,

[1:13:40] but they don't,

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:41] I don't know.

[1:13:41] I mean,

[1:13:41] it's what happens when,

[1:13:42] it's what,

[1:13:42] I mean,

[1:13:42] the people making the movie

[1:13:44] clearly have it in them

[1:13:45] to make a better movie

[1:13:47] than this.

[1:13:47] I think that's where

[1:13:48] it comes to.

[1:13:48] So like,

[1:13:48] and that comes through

[1:13:49] and I think that's

[1:13:50] the disappointing thing about it.

[1:13:51] If you were watching

[1:13:52] something where you're like,

[1:13:53] they tried their best

[1:13:54] and they came up with junk,

[1:13:55] but you know that

[1:13:56] everyone in this

[1:13:56] from the director on down

[1:13:58] is capable of,

[1:14:00] capable of better.

[1:14:00] So I guess this is a real

[1:14:01] see me after class.

[1:14:02] I have two things

[1:14:04] I want to bring up

[1:14:04] before we go

[1:14:05] from the IMDb trivia section

[1:14:06] about In the Lost Lands.

[1:14:08] It mentions that

[1:14:08] George R.R. Martin

[1:14:09] intended there to be

[1:14:11] a series of stories

[1:14:12] sent around Gray Alice,

[1:14:13] which he would release

[1:14:14] in a single volume.

[1:14:15] It says,

[1:14:15] for various reasons,

[1:14:16] he never came around

[1:14:17] to finish any more stories.

[1:14:18] Seems very out of the ordinary

[1:14:19] for George R.R. Martin

[1:14:20] to have a big plan

[1:14:21] and then not complete it.

[1:14:22] Watch yourself, counselor.

[1:14:24] And the other is,

[1:14:25] apparently this movie

[1:14:26] was stuck in development

[1:14:27] for so long

[1:14:27] at one point,

[1:14:28] you know who was

[1:14:29] offered the role of Boyce?

[1:14:30] Nicholas Cage.

[1:14:32] Would that have changed

[1:14:33] your feelings

[1:14:34] about the movie?

[1:14:35] 100%.

[1:14:36] Yeah.

[1:14:37] Can you imagine

[1:14:37] Nicholas Cage

[1:14:38] in this movie

[1:14:38] would make it much more fun?

[1:14:40] He would do some,

[1:14:40] he'd make some

[1:14:41] out of the ordinary,

[1:14:42] like,

[1:14:43] you'd never think of it

[1:14:44] character choice

[1:14:44] and it would

[1:14:45] change things around.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:46] Because he would have

[1:14:47] telegraphed that he's

[1:14:48] a werewolf

[1:14:48] from scene one.

[1:14:51] Yes, that's true.

[1:14:51] And then instead of

[1:14:52] a digital

[1:14:53] Nicholas Cage werewolf,

[1:14:54] he would have been like,

[1:14:55] I insist on being

[1:14:56] the werewolf.

[1:14:57] He'd be like,

[1:14:57] I need you to put fur on me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:59] I'm going to do it.

[1:15:00] I want to do it the same way

[1:15:01] they would have done it

[1:15:01] in the 30s.

[1:15:02] Make me a Lon Chaney

[1:15:03] Jr. Wolf man.

[1:15:04] Yeah,

[1:15:05] would have been great.

S4

[1:15:09] Sleep is important,

[1:15:12] but it's difficult sometimes.

[1:15:14] I'm John Moe.

[1:15:15] On Sleeping with Celebrities,

[1:15:17] famous people

[1:15:18] help conk you out

[1:15:19] by talking in soothing voices

[1:15:21] about unimportant things.

[1:15:24] Maria Bamford on parking.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:26] I parked in a bus stop.

[1:15:28] That's just not right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:29] I am not a bus.

S4

[1:15:31] Roxanne Gay on airports.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:33] My favorite airport

[1:15:34] is Indianapolis.

[1:15:36] It has a really smart layout.

S4

[1:15:38] Alan Tudyk on yardsticks.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:41] You hand somebody a yardstick,

[1:15:43] yardsticks become

[1:15:44] part of the family.

[1:15:45] Granted,

[1:15:46] it's a weird idea,

S4

[1:15:47] but it's lots of fun

[1:15:48] and it works.

[1:15:50] Listen wherever you get

[1:15:52] podcasts.

S5

[1:15:55] Hey, it's Sue the subway train.

[1:15:59] Hey, guess what, Sue?

[1:16:00] I just inherited a game show

[1:16:02] and I have to continue it

[1:16:03] because there are people out there

[1:16:05] who like to curl up into a ball

[1:16:07] and listen to it.

[1:16:08] Yeah, it's a podcast

[1:16:09] where listeners submit game show ideas

[1:16:12] for others to play on air.

[1:16:14] Well, it is.

[1:16:15] In fact,

[1:16:16] the dumber,

[1:16:16] the better.

[1:16:18] Right, right.

[1:16:19] It's called Dr. Game Show.

[1:16:20] Some curled up balls

[1:16:21] consider it a tradition,

[1:16:23] while others call it

[1:16:24] a train wreck.

[1:16:25] No, not you, Sue.

[1:16:27] It's Dr. Game Show.

[1:16:28] If you're the sort

[1:16:29] that likes to listen

[1:16:30] to people competing

[1:16:31] for refrigerator magnets,

[1:16:33] then curl up into a ball

[1:16:34] and listen to Dr. Game Show

[1:16:36] every other Wednesday

[1:16:37] at MaximumFun.org.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:40] Hello, all you beautiful people.

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Elliott Kalan

[1:19:30] You should do it.

[1:19:31] That sounds great.

[1:19:32] Something that you

[1:19:33] should have done

[1:19:34] was come to see us

[1:19:35] at San Francisco Sketch Fest

[1:19:36] at Cobb's Comedy Club

[1:19:37] but that happened already.

[1:19:39] We missed you.

[1:19:40] If you were there,

[1:19:41] thank you so much

[1:19:41] for being there.

[1:19:42] We had a great time.

[1:19:43] It was super fun.

[1:19:44] If you weren't there,

[1:19:45] then we missed you.

[1:19:46] You should have come.

[1:19:47] Maybe next time.

[1:19:48] It'll be great

[1:19:48] but there's still a chance.

[1:19:51] You've still got

[1:19:51] one last chance

[1:19:53] to see our sweet

[1:19:55] little faces

[1:19:55] giving you comedy,

[1:19:57] talking about a movie.

[1:19:57] Or a big face

[1:19:58] in my case.

[1:20:00] But I mean,

[1:20:00] it's smaller than

[1:20:01] like a pumpkin.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:03] What size pumpkin?

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:05] That's actually a good question.

[1:20:07] That's a very good question.

[1:20:08] We'll get our pumpkin guy on it.

[1:20:09] There's still

[1:20:10] one last chance

[1:20:11] for you to see

[1:20:11] our variously sized faces

[1:20:13] talking about a movie

[1:20:15] and that is

[1:20:15] the last episode

[1:20:16] of Flop TV

[1:20:16] for season three

[1:20:17] of Flop TV.

[1:20:18] It is the first

[1:20:20] Saturday in February,

[1:20:21] February 7th,

[1:20:22] coming up soon.

[1:20:23] I think about a week away

[1:20:24] as of the release

[1:20:25] of this episode.

[1:20:27] So go to

[1:20:28] theflophouse.simpleticks.com

[1:20:30] and you can get a ticket

[1:20:31] to see us talk about

[1:20:32] Plan 9 from Outer Space.

[1:20:34] We had a lot of fun

[1:20:35] on Flop TV this season

[1:20:36] as we did

[1:20:36] Flopsterpiece Theater

[1:20:37] going back through

[1:20:39] the decades

[1:20:39] to do bad movies

[1:20:40] from each decade

[1:20:41] from the thousands

[1:20:42] now going back

[1:20:43] to the 1950s.

[1:20:45] And if you didn't get

[1:20:46] to see the episodes,

[1:20:47] you can still buy tickets.

[1:20:48] Just go to

[1:20:49] theflophouse.simpleticks.com

[1:20:50] buy a season pass bundle.

[1:20:52] Why not?

[1:20:52] Six episodes

[1:20:53] for the cost of five

[1:20:54] and you'll have access

[1:20:56] to the recordings

[1:20:56] of those episodes

[1:20:57] until the end of February

[1:20:59] when they will all go back

[1:21:01] to the Flophouse vault.

[1:21:02] Are you guys excited

[1:21:03] about this Plan 9

[1:21:04] from Outer Space show?

Dan McCoy

[1:21:05] I can't wait.

[1:21:06] I am very excited.

[1:21:07] It's actually been

[1:21:07] quite some time

[1:21:08] since I've seen Plan 9

[1:21:10] so I look forward

[1:21:11] to revisiting.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:13] Real quick, guys.

[1:21:14] I was watching

[1:21:14] RuPaul's Drag Race

[1:21:15] last night

[1:21:16] and they had a bit

[1:21:17] called Master Queef Theater.

[1:21:19] Is it too late

[1:21:19] for us to change

[1:21:20] Flopsterpiece Theater

[1:21:21] to Flopster Queef Theater?

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:22] I think it is

[1:21:23] unfortunately too late.

[1:21:24] All the graphics

[1:21:25] were already baked in.

[1:21:26] Okay, okay, okay.

[1:21:27] But keep it in mind

[1:21:28] for next season.

[1:21:29] Get to us next season.

[1:21:31] Plan 9 from Outer Space,

[1:21:32] I'm super excited about it.

[1:21:33] It is the granddaddy

[1:21:34] of the bad movies

[1:21:35] as fun thing

[1:21:36] to watch.

[1:21:38] Hobby slash

[1:21:39] business slash genre

[1:21:41] and we've never talked

[1:21:42] about it on the show.

[1:21:43] I'm super excited about it.

[1:21:44] It is the rare case

[1:21:45] of a bad movie

[1:21:46] that led to the creation

[1:21:48] of a very good movie

[1:21:49] in the case of

[1:21:51] it eventually

[1:21:52] inspiring Ed Wood

[1:21:52] and so

[1:21:53] I'm excited

[1:21:54] to talk about it.

[1:21:55] So that is

[1:21:56] the first Saturday

[1:21:57] in February,

[1:21:58] February 7th,

[1:21:59] 2026.

[1:22:01] This year,

[1:22:02] season finale,

[1:22:03] Flop TV,

[1:22:04] season three.

[1:22:05] Don't miss it.

[1:22:06] Go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com

[1:22:08] for tickets.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:11] And now let's move on

[1:22:12] to the thing

[1:22:13] that I thought

[1:22:14] we were doing next before

[1:22:15] and that's why

[1:22:17] it took so long

[1:22:18] to start doing

[1:22:20] our sponsor stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:22] What?

[1:22:23] Is it supper time?

[1:22:24] No,

[1:22:25] no,

[1:22:25] Grampy Dan,

[1:22:26] it's not supper time.

[1:22:26] We're still recording.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:27] It's not supper time.

[1:22:28] It's time for

[1:22:28] letters from listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:30] Is it supper?

[1:22:31] Supper,

[1:22:31] supper,

[1:22:32] supper,

[1:22:32] supper?

[1:22:33] No,

[1:22:33] it's not time to put on

[1:22:34] You're a Good Man Charlie Brown,

[1:22:35] Grampy Dan.

[1:22:36] It's just not time for that.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:37] Hey,

[1:22:38] these are letters from listeners.

[1:22:39] This is the first one.

[1:22:40] It's from Lee,

[1:22:42] last name withheld.

[1:22:43] Who writes?

[1:22:44] Lee Remick.

[1:22:46] Elliot's,

[1:22:46] Elliot's story

[1:22:48] about his son

[1:22:48] watching Detective Pikachu

[1:22:49] and being shocked

[1:22:50] that a good guy

[1:22:51] turned out to be a bad guy

[1:22:52] reminded me of being a kid

[1:22:54] watching The Music Man.

[1:22:56] In the beginning,

[1:22:57] when all the salesmen

[1:22:57] on the train

[1:22:58] are talking shit

[1:22:59] about Harold Hill

[1:22:59] and then he takes down

[1:23:01] his suitcase

[1:23:01] and it's got his name on it

[1:23:02] and he's Harold Hill?

[1:23:04] Yeah,

[1:23:04] what a great moment.

[1:23:05] There's never been

[1:23:06] a bigger twist

[1:23:06] in a movie for me

[1:23:07] and it's not really

[1:23:08] even a twist.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:09] I thought it was a bit much

[1:23:10] for him to say,

[1:23:11] see ya,

[1:23:11] fuck face,

[1:23:12] and then jump off the train.

[1:23:13] Yeah.

[1:23:14] How'd they get away

[1:23:14] with it back then?

[1:23:15] I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:15] It's crazy.

[1:23:16] Do you have any

[1:23:17] similar stories

[1:23:18] of seeing a plot beat

[1:23:19] for the first time

[1:23:20] and having it

[1:23:21] hit you in a way

[1:23:22] it only can

[1:23:23] if you've never

[1:23:24] seen it before?

[1:23:26] Thanks for the laughs.

[1:23:27] Lee,

[1:23:28] last name withheld.

[1:23:30] This is a tough one.

[1:23:31] I don't know

[1:23:33] that there's

[1:23:34] a good thought

[1:23:34] but I just love

[1:23:35] that story

[1:23:36] of being like,

[1:23:37] holy shit,

[1:23:38] Professor Harold Hill?

[1:23:40] He's been there

[1:23:40] the whole time?

[1:23:41] Oh man.

[1:23:43] Like the guy in Saw?

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:46] I feel like

[1:23:47] Usual Suspects,

[1:23:49] the end of

[1:23:49] Usual Suspects

[1:23:50] was such a very

[1:23:51] like specific

[1:23:53] like,

[1:23:54] you know,

[1:23:55] like a

[1:23:56] you know,

[1:23:57] unreliable narrator

[1:23:58] moment in a film

[1:23:59] that I don't feel

[1:24:00] like I'd experienced

[1:24:01] on that level before

[1:24:02] and it

[1:24:03] like,

[1:24:04] it was one of those

[1:24:05] huge twist moments

[1:24:06] where you're like,

[1:24:06] you could do this

[1:24:07] in a movie?

Dan McCoy

[1:24:09] Yeah.

[1:24:09] Even as a kid,

[1:24:11] I mean,

[1:24:11] I wasn't a kid.

[1:24:12] I was,

[1:24:12] you know,

[1:24:13] younger.

[1:24:14] Even when I saw

[1:24:15] Usual Suspects.

[1:24:15] Younger than a kid

[1:24:16] with like a baby?

[1:24:18] Younger than I am now.

[1:24:19] Even when I saw

[1:24:19] Usual Suspects

[1:24:20] at the time,

[1:24:21] I was mad at that

[1:24:22] because I'm like,

[1:24:23] well yeah,

[1:24:23] you can make anything

[1:24:24] a twist if it's just

[1:24:25] the guy's been lying

[1:24:26] to you the whole time

[1:24:27] and the movie

[1:24:27] that you saw

[1:24:28] was a big lie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:29] I hate to break it

[1:24:30] too down,

[1:24:31] that movie was

[1:24:31] already a big lie.

[1:24:33] It never happened.

[1:24:33] I know,

[1:24:34] but you're like,

Dan McCoy

[1:24:35] there are rules

[1:24:36] that you play

[1:24:36] within the context

[1:24:38] of fiction,

[1:24:40] I feel like.

[1:24:41] I guess,

[1:24:42] well that's the sound.

[1:24:42] My mind wasn't blown

[1:24:43] by the idea of like,

[1:24:44] oh,

[1:24:45] so he just

[1:24:46] told a story

[1:24:47] to this guy.

[1:24:48] Yeah,

[1:24:49] I mean,

[1:24:49] I'm not making

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:49] necessarily a quality judgment.

[1:24:51] I'm saying that like,

[1:24:53] No,

[1:24:53] I know.

[1:24:53] that a movie

[1:24:54] had the audacity

[1:24:55] to be like,

[1:24:55] okay,

[1:24:56] well this was all a lie.

[1:24:57] I'm litigating

Dan McCoy

[1:24:58] the Usual Suspects

[1:24:59] because like,

[1:24:59] to me,

[1:25:00] like,

[1:25:00] that was a one

[1:25:01] that like,

[1:25:02] was popular,

[1:25:02] but I'm like,

[1:25:02] yeah,

[1:25:03] it's essentially like,

[1:25:04] oh,

[1:25:04] it's all a dream,

[1:25:05] which we all hate,

[1:25:05] so why are you okay

[1:25:06] with this?

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:07] Except the first time

[1:25:08] that I,

[1:25:08] to be honest,

[1:25:09] the first time I saw the,

[1:25:10] oh,

[1:25:10] it was all a dream,

[1:25:11] it was like,

[1:25:12] oh,

[1:25:12] that's really,

[1:25:13] I'd never seen that before,

[1:25:14] that's really cool.

[1:25:15] Like,

[1:25:15] I think it,

[1:25:16] I think the exciting thing

[1:25:17] about it was that

[1:25:17] for so many of us,

[1:25:19] it was the first time

[1:25:19] that the movie was telling us,

[1:25:21] don't trust what you see

[1:25:22] in the movie.

[1:25:22] Just because you're seeing it

[1:25:23] doesn't mean that

[1:25:24] it actually happened

[1:25:25] the way that this character

[1:25:26] is saying,

[1:25:26] which I think is cool.

[1:25:27] I'm trying to think,

[1:25:28] I think the first,

[1:25:29] I can't remember,

[1:25:29] I'm trying to remember

[1:25:30] the first time

[1:25:31] that I saw a movie

[1:25:32] where it became clear

[1:25:34] that one,

[1:25:34] that two characters

[1:25:35] were the same character

[1:25:36] and were played

[1:25:37] by the same actor

[1:25:38] but were,

[1:25:39] but in makeup

[1:25:39] and I'm trying to remember

[1:25:40] which of the,

[1:25:41] like,

[1:25:42] when that first hit me

[1:25:43] because that's,

[1:25:43] that's something that,

[1:25:44] I mean,

[1:25:45] the biggest thing,

[1:25:46] Luca Guadagino Suspiria.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:48] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:48] that was very recent.

[1:25:49] That was the first one

[1:25:50] but this is not a,

[1:25:53] I guess,

[1:25:55] not a plot beat thing.

[1:25:56] I've talked before

[1:25:56] about seeing Gremlins 2

[1:25:58] and similarly,

[1:25:59] like,

[1:25:59] when they break the movie

[1:26:00] and the Gremlins

[1:26:01] are doing shadow puppets,

[1:26:03] it's not a plot beat necessarily

[1:26:04] but it's like,

[1:26:05] just a thing of like,

[1:26:06] I didn't know you could do that

[1:26:07] in a movie

[1:26:07] that like,

[1:26:07] you could just,

[1:26:08] you could just break the movie

[1:26:09] that the characters are in

[1:26:10] but we're still in the movie

[1:26:11] kind of,

[1:26:12] and so,

[1:26:13] and that hit me so hard.

[1:26:14] It was such a,

[1:26:14] that was such a,

[1:26:15] formative experience.

[1:26:17] Deadpool.

[1:26:18] Yep,

[1:26:19] exactly.

[1:26:21] But I,

[1:26:22] it's funny,

[1:26:23] the thing,

[1:26:23] I don't,

[1:26:24] can't remember one

[1:26:24] that hits me as hard

[1:26:25] as my son watching

[1:26:27] Detective Pikachu

[1:26:27] and being like,

[1:26:28] him?

[1:26:28] He was the bad guy

[1:26:29] but he's been helping them

[1:26:30] all this time.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:31] Yeah.

[1:26:31] It was like one day

[1:26:32] when you were watching

[1:26:33] Minority Report

[1:26:34] and you found out

[1:26:34] Maxon Sideow

[1:26:35] was the bad guy.

[1:26:36] That guy?

[1:26:37] Yeah.

[1:26:37] He seems to realize

[1:26:38] that's a good guy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:39] When you're watching

[1:26:40] Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

[1:26:41] and you were like,

[1:26:42] really?

[1:26:42] The one big name

[1:26:43] in the cast

[1:26:44] is gonna turn out

[1:26:45] to be the bad guy?

[1:26:46] Elliot,

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:46] they're all big names.

[1:26:47] Timothy Spall?

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:50] Toby Jones?

[1:26:50] Good point.

[1:26:52] Toby Jones was,

[1:26:53] I remember seeing it

[1:26:54] and I'm like,

[1:26:54] well,

[1:26:54] you have one huge star.

[1:26:56] You have Toby Jones

[1:26:56] who's well known

[1:26:57] but not like a,

[1:26:58] he couldn't open a movie

[1:26:59] and then you've got

[1:27:00] a bunch of actors

[1:27:00] that I've seen

[1:27:01] in other things

[1:27:02] but like,

[1:27:02] it's clearly gonna be

[1:27:03] Colin Firth.

[1:27:03] He's the big name.

[1:27:04] You know,

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:04] I think I might've

[1:27:05] confused Toby Jones

[1:27:06] and Toby Spall.

[1:27:08] I mean.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:08] But it's the,

[1:27:10] but I will say

[1:27:10] it's the thing that

[1:27:11] I saw,

[1:27:12] Wake Me Dead Man

[1:27:14] or whatever it is,

[1:27:14] Wake Up Dead Man,

[1:27:15] the new Knives Out.

[1:27:16] Yeah,

[1:27:16] Wake Me Dead Man.

[1:27:17] Wake me dead man.

[1:27:19] And I will say that.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:21] Ellie,

[1:27:21] stop using a dead man

[1:27:22] as your alarm clock.

[1:27:23] It's not reliable.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:24] I rigged it

[1:27:25] so that at 6 a.m.

[1:27:25] he falls on top of me.

[1:27:26] You better believe

[1:27:27] it wakes me up.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:28] I feel like Hellboy

[1:27:29] has one of those,

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:30] right?

[1:27:30] Yeah,

[1:27:31] probably.

[1:27:31] Yeah,

[1:27:31] he's a zombie

[1:27:32] that wakes him up.

[1:27:34] But the,

[1:27:35] watching that,

[1:27:36] there were times

[1:27:37] when I was like,

[1:27:38] there's a few too many

[1:27:39] famous people in this movie

[1:27:40] but at the same time,

[1:27:41] it removes that,

[1:27:43] I mean,

[1:27:43] it's all of them.

[1:27:43] It removes that element of,

[1:27:45] well,

[1:27:45] you know who it's gonna be

[1:27:46] because if they're all famous

[1:27:47] then you don't,

[1:27:48] you can't say,

[1:27:49] oh,

[1:27:49] clearly this is the person

[1:27:50] they're paying the most money

[1:27:51] so they're gonna turn out

[1:27:52] to be important to the plot.

[1:27:53] Also,

Dan McCoy

[1:27:54] a few too many famous people,

[1:27:55] like to me,

[1:27:56] that's one of the best things

[1:27:56] about those movies

[1:27:57] is bringing back

[1:27:58] the idea of like,

[1:27:59] here's a star-studded mystery,

[1:28:01] you know?

[1:28:01] I think the issue I have

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:02] is less that it's too many

[1:28:03] famous people

[1:28:04] and more that

[1:28:04] with the second

[1:28:05] and third movies,

[1:28:06] I have a lot of trouble

[1:28:07] believing that those characters

[1:28:08] actually have relationships

[1:28:10] with each other.

[1:28:11] Like,

[1:28:11] in the second one,

[1:28:12] I'm like,

[1:28:12] there's no way

[1:28:13] these characters

[1:28:13] were ever friends

[1:28:14] with each other

[1:28:15] before they became rich

[1:28:17] or whatever.

[1:28:18] And in the third one,

[1:28:19] I had trouble believing

[1:28:19] that those characters

[1:28:20] were all like

[1:28:21] members of this church.

[1:28:22] But once I get over that,

[1:28:23] they're fun movies.

[1:28:24] They're really well done,

[1:28:25] you know?

[1:28:26] Anyway.

[1:28:26] I actually really liked

[1:28:27] that new one a lot.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:29] Yeah.

[1:28:29] Recommended it on the show.

[1:28:31] I know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:31] That's why I watched it

[1:28:32] because you recommended it.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:33] Anyway,

[1:28:33] for me,

[1:28:34] I guess it was,

[1:28:34] I don't know,

[1:28:35] the first time I saw

[1:28:36] a butt in a movie.

[1:28:37] I was like,

[1:28:38] you can do that?

[1:28:39] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:39] That's allowed?

[1:28:40] It was when your parents

[1:28:41] showed you cheeky.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:43] I think honestly,

[1:28:45] it probably would have been

[1:28:46] like Splash.

[1:28:46] I don't even think

[1:28:46] Dan's parents know

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:47] that cheeky exists.

[1:28:48] Yeah.

[1:28:49] Yes.

[1:28:49] So you watched Splash

[1:28:50] before they added

[1:28:51] that extra CGI hair.

[1:28:52] The extra hair

Dan McCoy

[1:28:53] to protect us

[1:28:55] from buttocks.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:56] Yeah, yeah.

[1:28:57] It would be like

[1:28:57] if you gave like

[1:28:58] one of the,

[1:28:58] you know,

[1:28:59] the pilgrim,

[1:29:00] if you gave a pilgrim

[1:29:01] a taste of Sri Raja,

[1:29:02] their head would explode

[1:29:03] is what would happen

[1:29:04] if Dan's parents

[1:29:05] learned cheeky's existence.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:07] I like to believe

[1:29:08] that when they added

[1:29:09] that extra CGI hair

[1:29:10] in Splash,

[1:29:11] it was a case of like

[1:29:12] George Lucas being like,

[1:29:13] yeah, well,

[1:29:13] I had always intended

[1:29:14] for the mermaid

[1:29:15] to have a furry butt,

[1:29:16] but we didn't have

[1:29:17] the right makeup effects

[1:29:18] at the time.

[1:29:19] So now using computers,

[1:29:20] I can finally bring

[1:29:21] my dreams to life.

[1:29:22] Yeah, he broke into

[1:29:23] Ron Howard's.

[1:29:24] Ron Howard was like,

[1:29:25] well, we always,

[1:29:25] yeah, we always intended

[1:29:26] for mermaids to have hairy butts.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:30] Here's a second letter

[1:29:32] and final.

[1:29:33] It's from Jonathan,

[1:29:34] the last name withheld,

[1:29:35] who writes.

[1:29:36] Taylor Thomas.

[1:29:37] As a longtime

[1:29:38] Daniel M. Pinkwater fan,

[1:29:40] I was extremely happy

[1:29:41] to hear Elliot mention

[1:29:42] his fondness for lizard music

[1:29:44] in the Smurfs episode.

[1:29:46] Meanwhile,

[1:29:48] having recently tried

[1:29:49] and failed to describe

[1:29:50] the book of Pinkwater's

[1:29:51] Alan Mendel,

[1:29:52] Alan Mendel,

[1:29:54] the boy from Mars

[1:29:55] to my wife,

[1:29:56] I'm compelled to wonder,

[1:29:58] do any or all of you

[1:29:59] have something that you love

[1:30:01] and have been completely

[1:30:02] unable to convince

[1:30:03] anyone else is great?

[1:30:05] I think that's

[1:30:06] Stuart's life story.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:07] Yeah, I mean,

[1:30:08] a big part of my life

[1:30:09] is being enthusiastic

[1:30:10] about things

[1:30:11] that I try and get

[1:30:11] the people closest

[1:30:12] to me to give a shit about

[1:30:15] and you know what?

[1:30:16] It doesn't work.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:18] I mean,

[1:30:18] Well, that's what I was

[1:30:18] going to say.

[1:30:19] I think I've learned

[1:30:20] the lesson that

[1:30:21] one cannot do that.

[1:30:23] One cannot lead

[1:30:24] the horse to water,

[1:30:25] let alone make

[1:30:26] the horse drink.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:27] The horse is not

[1:30:29] interested in water.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:29] Let me just tell you that.

[1:30:30] It doesn't want to go there.

[1:30:31] There's some soda over here

[1:30:32] that I'd rather be drinking

[1:30:33] because I have a taste

[1:30:35] for soda.

[1:30:36] Like, I, you know,

[1:30:37] so many things.

[1:30:38] Like, I know that

[1:30:39] Audrey would like

[1:30:40] these movies

[1:30:41] and she says that

[1:30:42] she would like

[1:30:42] these movies,

[1:30:42] but when it comes time

[1:30:43] to watch these movies,

[1:30:44] she's like,

[1:30:45] but what about this

[1:30:46] mystery on Amazon Prime

[1:30:50] that we both know

[1:30:51] is not going to be

[1:30:52] very good?

[1:30:52] I'm like, I guess.

[1:30:53] We can watch that

[1:30:54] if that's what you want

[1:30:55] to watch.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:56] I will tell you

[1:30:57] two versions of this,

[1:30:59] a success and a failure.

[1:31:00] The failure first.

[1:31:01] I tried for a long time

[1:31:03] to get my friends

[1:31:04] who live in Brooklyn

[1:31:05] interested in hearing

[1:31:06] about the Battle of Brooklyn,

[1:31:07] a Revolutionary War battle,

[1:31:08] an important

[1:31:09] Revolutionary War battle

[1:31:10] that took place

[1:31:10] literally in the neighborhoods

[1:31:12] of Park Slope

[1:31:13] and where Greenwood Cemetery is

[1:31:15] and stuff like that,

[1:31:16] and I could not do it,

[1:31:17] and I would get so mad

[1:31:18] that I'd be like,

[1:31:19] they all know

[1:31:19] all the details

[1:31:20] about fake battles

[1:31:21] in fictional universes

[1:31:22] that never happened,

[1:31:24] but I'm trying to,

[1:31:24] I want to get them

[1:31:25] interested in something

[1:31:26] that actually happened

[1:31:27] that like changed

[1:31:28] in the place they live

[1:31:29] and they have no interest.

[1:31:30] I could never do it.

[1:31:30] On the other hand,

[1:31:31] there's a certain book

[1:31:32] I've been trying to get

[1:31:33] people to read

[1:31:34] for years.

[1:31:35] I finally figured out

[1:31:36] how to do it.

[1:31:37] Dianetics.

[1:31:38] It's called Dianetics.

[1:31:39] Well, I call Dianetics

[1:31:40] the Bible,

[1:31:40] of course.

[1:31:41] It's the same,

[1:31:42] but you can't go up

[1:31:43] to somebody and say,

[1:31:43] hey, you should read

[1:31:44] The Power Broker,

[1:31:44] but if you make a

[1:31:45] 30-hour podcast

[1:31:47] about The Power Broker,

[1:31:49] that's how you get people

[1:31:49] to read it.

[1:31:50] So that was my,

[1:31:51] my real success

[1:31:52] was being like,

[1:31:53] okay, I'm finally,

[1:31:54] this book I've been

[1:31:54] telling people about

[1:31:55] for decades now,

[1:31:56] I'm finally able

[1:31:57] to get people

[1:31:57] to read it in some way.

[1:31:59] I will say,

[1:31:59] this podcast has been

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:00] a huge way

[1:32:02] to make me feel better

[1:32:03] about you guys

[1:32:04] not giving a shit

[1:32:05] about my recommendations

[1:32:06] because I will tell you

[1:32:08] that I've had

[1:32:08] multiple listeners

[1:32:09] reach out to tell me

[1:32:10] that they've started

[1:32:10] Elden Ring

[1:32:11] since our episode.

[1:32:13] They have traveled

[1:32:15] to the lands between

[1:32:16] unlike you two dorks.

[1:32:18] I'm only interested

[1:32:19] in going into

[1:32:19] the lost lands.

[1:32:20] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:22] To the degree

[1:32:23] that there's been

[1:32:24] any actual hurt feelings,

[1:32:26] I apologize, Stuart,

[1:32:27] but I always assumed

[1:32:28] that part of the bit

[1:32:29] was that you were

[1:32:30] imposing a thing on us

[1:32:31] that you knew

[1:32:32] we were not going

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:32] to be interested in.

[1:32:33] Yeah, that is the bit.

[1:32:34] How can I make it

[1:32:35] more complicated

[1:32:36] and how can I

[1:32:37] push all the buttons

[1:32:38] that will yield

[1:32:39] a bad response?

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:40] I think what we're finding

[1:32:44] is that you cannot

[1:32:45] force someone

[1:32:46] to be interested

[1:32:48] in a thing

[1:32:49] that you're interested in,

[1:32:50] but if you broadcast

[1:32:51] it to the world,

[1:32:52] you're more likely

[1:32:52] to find a person

[1:32:53] who is interested

[1:32:54] in that thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:55] Don't narrowcast,

[1:32:56] broadcast.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:57] Broadcast.

[1:32:58] You know who should

[1:32:58] broadcast?

[1:32:59] The media.

[1:33:00] It's more profitable.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:03] Yeah, it's weird

[1:33:04] how they've stopped.

[1:33:06] Yeah.

[1:33:07] So we're doing

[1:33:08] recommendations now.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:09] Yeah, let's do recommendations.

[1:33:10] Let's give recommendations.

[1:33:12] I'm looking over

[1:33:13] Dan's shoulders

[1:33:13] at his letterbox

[1:33:14] and I see you saw

[1:33:15] some good ones

[1:33:16] this time.

[1:33:16] Yeah, well.

[1:33:17] No other choices on there?

[1:33:19] Well, I was going

Dan McCoy

[1:33:19] to mention,

[1:33:20] you recommended it,

[1:33:21] I believe,

[1:33:22] in the previous episode,

[1:33:23] so I was not going

[1:33:23] to officially recommend

[1:33:25] No Other Choice

[1:33:25] because it's already been.

[1:33:26] What a banger, right?

[1:33:27] But I really loved it.

[1:33:29] There are like four movies.

[1:33:31] There's a bunch of movies

[1:33:32] obviously that I haven't seen

[1:33:33] that potentially...

[1:33:34] I mean, there's thousands

[1:33:35] of movies you haven't seen.

[1:33:36] That potentially could

[1:33:37] make it on here,

[1:33:38] but for me,

[1:33:39] like the masterpieces

[1:33:40] I saw of 2025,

[1:33:43] the ones I really loved

[1:33:44] were Sinners,

[1:33:47] One Battle After Another,

[1:33:48] Marty Supreme,

[1:33:49] and No Other Choice.

[1:33:51] Going out on a limb.

[1:33:52] I mean,

[1:33:53] there's a reason

[1:33:54] why there are widely...

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:55] Good movies.

[1:33:56] I know.

[1:33:57] Says the guy who recommends

[1:33:58] old good movies.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:00] Yeah, that's true.

[1:34:00] That's a good point.

[1:34:02] But I was going to recommend

[1:34:03] something a little more

[1:34:04] off the beaten path.

[1:34:05] I went to a...

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:08] He's like,

[1:34:09] have you heard of these

[1:34:09] Mission Impossible movies?

Dan McCoy

[1:34:11] I went to a deuce screening

[1:34:13] at the Nighthawk recently.

[1:34:16] Now, this is a screening...

[1:34:17] Don't say Bigelow, Elliot.

[1:34:18] This is a screening that

[1:34:19] is movies that

[1:34:21] were shown on

[1:34:23] the 42nd Street,

[1:34:24] the deuce between,

[1:34:25] I believe specifically

[1:34:26] between 7th and 8th

[1:34:28] avenues,

[1:34:29] but I could be getting

[1:34:29] that wrong.

[1:34:31] Seems a little far west.

[1:34:33] The movie theaters there.

[1:34:34] And...

[1:34:35] Pardon me.

[1:34:37] No.

[1:34:38] And it's just a great...

[1:34:39] It's a great screening series.

[1:34:40] And the thing about...

[1:34:42] To court anger from Elliot

[1:34:44] when I talk about anything

[1:34:46] that involves free time,

[1:34:48] the great thing about

[1:34:49] repertory screening series

[1:34:50] is once you start

[1:34:51] sort of trusting the series,

[1:34:53] you're willing to

[1:34:53] take a flyer on a thing.

[1:34:55] That's very true.

[1:34:56] That's very true.

[1:34:57] Yeah.

[1:34:57] You're like,

[1:34:58] maybe I don't know

[1:34:58] what this is,

[1:34:59] but I'm going to go see it.

[1:35:01] Maybe I don't think

[1:35:01] I'm going to like it,

[1:35:02] but I'm going to go see it

[1:35:03] because I like this series.

[1:35:05] And I saw from 1970

[1:35:07] the film Elvis,

[1:35:09] That's the Way It Is,

[1:35:10] a movie that actually

[1:35:11] exists in two cuts.

[1:35:12] There's one sort of

[1:35:14] original 1970s cut

[1:35:16] that has a lot more,

[1:35:17] you know,

[1:35:19] like footage of fans

[1:35:20] and like more

[1:35:21] kind of extraneous stuff.

[1:35:23] And then it was re-edited

[1:35:24] in I think 2021

[1:35:26] to include a lot more

[1:35:28] musical performances.

[1:35:29] And that I saw

[1:35:30] the later edit.

[1:35:32] But I'm not

[1:35:34] a particular Elvis fan.

[1:35:36] Like,

[1:35:36] I'm like,

[1:35:37] oh yeah,

[1:35:37] you know,

[1:35:38] there's some good songs.

[1:35:39] Whatever.

[1:35:39] Elvis,

[1:35:39] I know he was a big,

[1:35:41] he was meaningful

[1:35:41] to a generation,

[1:35:43] a couple generations

[1:35:44] before mine,

[1:35:45] but I never was into it.

[1:35:46] He was a hound dog.

[1:35:46] I get it.

[1:35:48] But seeing this concert film,

[1:35:49] seeing the first half of it,

[1:35:51] which is him.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:51] He made shoes out of blue suede,

[1:35:53] which makes crazy,

[1:35:53] sounds like a crazy material

[1:35:55] to make your shoes out of.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:56] I mean,

[1:35:57] you can't wear it in the rain,

[1:35:58] for sure.

[1:35:59] I have suede shoes

[1:36:00] and I enjoy them

[1:36:01] when I feel like

[1:36:03] it's just,

[1:36:04] there's no danger

[1:36:05] of any liquid

[1:36:05] being anywhere near me.

[1:36:07] But otherwise.

[1:36:07] they're gonna get stepped on.

[1:36:08] That's the problem.

[1:36:09] They're gonna get stepped on.

[1:36:10] But,

[1:36:10] no,

[1:36:12] the first half of it

[1:36:12] pretty much is like

[1:36:13] him in rehearsal,

[1:36:15] like fucking around

[1:36:16] with his band,

[1:36:17] having fun.

[1:36:17] There's a great scene

[1:36:18] where he like mashes up

[1:36:19] one of,

[1:36:20] he sings partly

[1:36:21] Little Sister

[1:36:22] and then mashes it up

[1:36:23] with Get Back,

[1:36:25] which is kind of fun

[1:36:26] because it's like,

[1:36:26] oh,

[1:36:27] you know,

[1:36:27] like you think of Elvis

[1:36:28] as being kind of

[1:36:29] the old guard of rock

[1:36:30] and like the Beatles

[1:36:31] were sort of looking forward.

[1:36:33] But,

[1:36:34] to think about them,

[1:36:35] but they really were

[1:36:35] like contemporaries

[1:36:36] who admired one of them.

[1:36:37] another and he's like

[1:36:38] having fun singing

[1:36:39] a Beatles tune.

[1:36:39] But,

[1:36:40] then the second half

[1:36:41] is him in Vegas

[1:36:42] when he hadn't been

[1:36:44] performing live

[1:36:45] for like seven years

[1:36:46] and came back.

[1:36:47] And,

[1:36:48] it just really,

[1:36:49] I was there with

[1:36:50] three other friends

[1:36:51] who also had

[1:36:53] middling at best

[1:36:54] feelings about Elvis

[1:36:54] and we all came out

[1:36:55] being like,

[1:36:56] man,

[1:36:56] that was a great

[1:36:57] fucking concert movie.

[1:36:58] Like,

[1:36:58] we get it.

[1:36:59] We get why he was

[1:37:00] important to people.

[1:37:01] So,

[1:37:02] I had a lot of fun.

[1:37:05] Elvis,

[1:37:05] that's the way it is.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:06] I'm going to recommend

[1:37:07] a movie from last year

[1:37:09] called

[1:37:10] Sorry,

[1:37:11] Baby.

[1:37:14] This is the,

[1:37:15] the first film

[1:37:16] from writer,

[1:37:17] director,

[1:37:18] and star

[1:37:18] Ava Victor,

[1:37:20] I think is

[1:37:20] the right pronunciation.

[1:37:23] It is a movie

[1:37:24] about a young woman

[1:37:26] who undergoes

[1:37:28] a traumatic experience

[1:37:30] while in grad school

[1:37:31] and it kind of

[1:37:33] covers a few years

[1:37:34] after

[1:37:35] and how

[1:37:37] that experience

[1:37:38] has affected

[1:37:39] her life

[1:37:40] and her relationships

[1:37:41] and her inability

[1:37:43] to kind of move on

[1:37:44] with life

[1:37:44] despite the fact

[1:37:45] that the rest

[1:37:46] of the people

[1:37:46] in her life

[1:37:47] have kind of

[1:37:48] moved on

[1:37:49] as if nothing

[1:37:49] has happened.

[1:37:51] And,

[1:37:51] I think it's a really

[1:37:52] beautifully told story.

[1:37:54] It's shot really well.

[1:37:55] It's a very striking

[1:37:56] first feature

[1:37:57] in that it is,

[1:37:59] I feel like it's

[1:38:00] controlled in a way

[1:38:01] and confident

[1:38:02] in a way

[1:38:03] that you don't often see.

[1:38:05] I thought it was

[1:38:05] really charming

[1:38:06] and it has

[1:38:07] my favorite

[1:38:08] cat performance

[1:38:09] of the year

[1:38:10] from a cat actor.

[1:38:12] A lot of competition

[1:38:13] this year?

[1:38:14] Oh yeah,

[1:38:14] it was filled

[1:38:16] to the brim,

[1:38:17] this year was

[1:38:17] filled to the brim

[1:38:18] with delicious cats.

[1:38:20] What are you,

[1:38:21] Alf?

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:24] No?

[1:38:25] They must have done

[1:38:26] some joke on Alf

[1:38:27] about him going

[1:38:28] to see cats

[1:38:28] and being like,

[1:38:29] oh,

[1:38:29] it's like a buffet.

[1:38:31] where to start.

[1:38:31] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:34] He's been,

[1:38:35] kicked out of that theater

[1:38:36] so many times.

[1:38:37] Yeah,

[1:38:37] they must have done that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:38] Fans,

[1:38:39] write in if you remember

[1:38:39] a joke on Alf

[1:38:40] about him being kicked

[1:38:41] out of a performance

[1:38:42] of cats.

[1:38:42] The Winter Garden

[1:38:42] has his picture

[1:38:43] up on the plate.

[1:38:44] Do not serve this man.

[1:38:47] Do not admit

[1:38:47] this puppet slash alien.

[1:38:51] Known aliases,

[1:38:52] Gordon Shumway.

[1:38:55] I'm going to recommend,

[1:38:56] my recommendation

[1:38:57] I think is going to be

[1:38:57] a qualified recommendation.

[1:38:59] I'm recommending

[1:38:59] a movie that

[1:39:00] I'm not sure

[1:39:02] that I like.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:04] Oh,

[1:39:04] it's qualified.

[1:39:05] We'll give it the job.

[1:39:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:06] Okay,

[1:39:06] that's,

[1:39:06] I mean,

[1:39:07] it's not,

[1:39:07] it's slightly qualified.

[1:39:09] It's slightly qualified.

[1:39:10] But I think

[1:39:12] more because

[1:39:12] I think maybe

[1:39:14] it'll bring attention

[1:39:14] to the movie

[1:39:15] it's a remake of.

[1:39:16] But Yorgos Lanthimos'

[1:39:18] most recent movie,

[1:39:18] Bogonia,

[1:39:19] which is a remake

[1:39:20] of a movie

[1:39:21] that I always

[1:39:22] really liked a lot.

[1:39:23] It's called

[1:39:23] Save the Green Planet,

[1:39:24] which is a Korean movie

[1:39:25] that came out in 2003

[1:39:27] and I saw it

[1:39:27] when it first came out.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:28] I did not realize

[1:39:29] it was a remake

[1:39:29] of Save the Green Planet.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:31] Yes,

[1:39:31] and Save the Green Planet

[1:39:32] is such a bonkers movie

[1:39:34] in a way that I really love.

[1:39:36] That's one of those movies

[1:39:37] where when I first saw it,

[1:39:38] it was one of the first

[1:39:39] modern Korean movies

[1:39:40] that I'd seen.

[1:39:41] It was like,

[1:39:41] I saw that around the same time

[1:39:42] that I saw like Old Boy,

[1:39:43] I want to say.

[1:39:44] And it was like,

[1:39:45] what's going on in Korea?

[1:39:45] They're making amazing stuff.

[1:39:47] Yeah.

[1:39:48] And then they kept doing it.

[1:39:50] Yes,

[1:39:50] and they just keep on doing it.

[1:39:51] They won't stop.

[1:39:52] And Yorgos Lanthimos

[1:39:53] is a filmmaker

[1:39:54] who about half his movies

[1:39:55] I love

[1:39:56] and half of them

[1:39:57] I don't particularly like at all.

[1:39:58] I'm not quite sure

[1:39:59] where Bogonia falls

[1:40:00] on that scale,

[1:40:01] but it's the story

[1:40:02] of these two guys.

[1:40:04] They are convinced

[1:40:05] that the CEO

[1:40:05] of a pharmaceutical company

[1:40:07] is an alien

[1:40:08] from outer space

[1:40:08] and so they kidnap her

[1:40:09] to try to get through her

[1:40:12] to the other aliens

[1:40:13] in order to save the Earth

[1:40:14] because they think

[1:40:14] the Earth is in danger

[1:40:15] from them

[1:40:16] and you don't know.

[1:40:18] They seem like crazy people,

[1:40:19] but in this version of it,

[1:40:22] Emma Stone plays the CEO

[1:40:23] and she is like

[1:40:24] so encased

[1:40:25] in corporate speak

[1:40:27] and kind of like

[1:40:27] how a corporation

[1:40:28] talks to people

[1:40:29] that there are scenes

[1:40:30] that are really interesting

[1:40:32] because it is people

[1:40:32] who are enmeshed

[1:40:33] in conspiratorial thinking

[1:40:34] trying to communicate

[1:40:35] with someone

[1:40:36] who's enmeshed

[1:40:36] in corporate thinking

[1:40:38] and talking

[1:40:38] and they really cannot

[1:40:40] communicate with each other

[1:40:41] and it's a super grim movie.

[1:40:43] It gets much grimmer

[1:40:44] and sadder

[1:40:44] than I really wanted it to

[1:40:47] and much grimmer

[1:40:48] and sadder

[1:40:48] than the original

[1:40:49] which has a kind of

[1:40:50] cartoony

[1:40:51] kind of like manicness

[1:40:52] to it

[1:40:53] but I will say

[1:40:54] I think the ending

[1:40:55] of the movie

[1:40:55] is really powerful

[1:40:57] and I think the ending

[1:40:58] of Begonia

[1:40:59] has actually pulled off

[1:41:00] better than the ending

[1:41:01] of Save the Green Planet

[1:41:02] and so I'm kind of

[1:41:03] I guess I'm going to

[1:41:04] I'll recommend both.

[1:41:05] Save the Green Planet

[1:41:06] and Begonia

[1:41:07] to see like

[1:41:08] two different filmmakers

[1:41:09] handling the same

[1:41:10] basic story

[1:41:11] in two very different ways

[1:41:12] and what the strengths

[1:41:14] and weaknesses of that are

[1:41:15] but I walked away

[1:41:15] from it being like

[1:41:16] I don't

[1:41:17] I did not enjoy

[1:41:18] watching this movie

[1:41:19] but I think there's

[1:41:20] certain things

[1:41:20] that it handled

[1:41:20] really well

[1:41:21] and certain things

[1:41:22] that handled

[1:41:22] not as well

[1:41:24] and so it's more of a

[1:41:25] if you're

[1:41:26] if this is the type

[1:41:27] of movie you like

[1:41:28] and you're on the fence

[1:41:29] you might as well

[1:41:29] go and watch it

[1:41:30] if it's not the type of movie

[1:41:31] you don't like

[1:41:31] Yorgos Lanthimos's movie

[1:41:32] then don't watch it

[1:41:33] thank you

[1:41:34] it's not going to

[1:41:34] change your mind about it

[1:41:35] Stuart shouldn't watch it

[1:41:36] thanks for qualifying

[1:41:37] that one for me

[1:41:37] but like

[1:41:38] there's certain

[1:41:39] of his movies

[1:41:40] that I really

[1:41:40] like I really adore

[1:41:42] like

[1:41:42] and others that

[1:41:44] I think are

[1:41:45] they just don't do it for me

[1:41:47] and this one

[1:41:47] I'm not sure where it fits

[1:41:48] so I'm recommending it

[1:41:49] out of discomfort

[1:41:51] and maybe that discomfort

[1:41:52] is what shows that

[1:41:53] there's something going on

[1:41:54] with it

[1:41:54] you know

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:55] yeah I mean

[1:41:56] it's not uncommon

[1:41:56] for me to watch something

[1:41:57] and not enjoy the experience

[1:41:59] but then you know

[1:42:00] after a little while

[1:42:01] be like

[1:42:01] you know what

[1:42:02] I'll give that movie credit

[1:42:03] like

[1:42:04] yeah

[1:42:05] just because I didn't enjoy

[1:42:06] the experience at the time

[1:42:07] doesn't mean it didn't have

[1:42:08] a lasting effect on me

[1:42:10] what was that

[1:42:11] last year

[1:42:12] was Smile 2

[1:42:13] I remember watching

[1:42:15] and being like

[1:42:15] I do not care for this

[1:42:16] but then over time

[1:42:17] I'm like

[1:42:17] actually that was probably

[1:42:18] the best horror movie

[1:42:19] of the year

Dan McCoy

[1:42:19] I really like Smile 2

[1:42:21] I was not

[1:42:22] I was not much for Smile

[1:42:24] so I didn't have

[1:42:25] a lot of expectations

[1:42:25] but Smile 2

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:26] I haven't seen either of them

[1:42:27] how do they spell 2?

Dan McCoy

[1:42:29] just with the numeral

[1:42:30] with the numeral

[1:42:31] yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:31] now

[1:42:31] okay

[1:42:32] well I'll try it

[1:42:33] but

[1:42:33] now I'm totally on board

[1:42:35] with T-O-O

Dan McCoy

[1:42:36] T-O-O

[1:42:36] because it's focusing

[1:42:37] on a different lady

[1:42:39] and different smiles

[1:42:40] so

[1:42:40] there are different smiles

[1:42:42] we all have different smiles

[1:42:45] you know

[1:42:45] think about it

[1:42:47] just like that

[1:42:48] Billy Joel song

[1:42:49] unless you're the cover

[1:42:49] of an Apex to win a record

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:51] then you all got the same smile

[1:42:54] same smile

[1:42:55] same creepy smile

[1:42:56] if you're in the

[1:42:57] Black Hole Sun video

[1:42:58] same smile

[1:42:59] yeah basically

Dan McCoy

[1:42:59] well guys

[1:43:02] this has been

[1:43:03] the Flophouse

[1:43:04] we are

[1:43:05] on the

[1:43:06] Maximum Fun

[1:43:07] network

[1:43:07] go and check out

[1:43:09] other shows

[1:43:10] on the network

[1:43:11] at MaximumFun.org

[1:43:12] go do it

[1:43:13] I dare you

[1:43:13] a lot of great ones

[1:43:14] also

[1:43:15] we would like to

[1:43:16] take this moment

[1:43:17] to thank our producer

[1:43:18] Alex Smith

[1:43:19] who does a lot of

[1:43:20] great work for us

[1:43:21] making this show

[1:43:22] listenable

[1:43:24] every week

[1:43:24] and

[1:43:25] he also

[1:43:26] does great work

[1:43:27] for himself

[1:43:28] under the name

[1:43:29] Howl Dottie

[1:43:30] you can listen to his music

[1:43:31] see his Twitch streams

[1:43:33] listen to his own podcast

[1:43:34] check him out

[1:43:36] but for us

[1:43:38] for the Flophouse

[1:43:39] I've been Dan McCoy

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:40] I'm Stuart Wellington

[1:43:41] I'm Elliot Kalin

[1:43:44] now

[1:43:45] perfect

[1:43:47] um

Dan McCoy

[1:43:55] okay

[1:43:56] what are we doing

[1:43:57] a podcast

[1:43:58] so this is a podcast

[1:43:59] called the Flophouse

[1:44:00] we haven't started it yet

[1:44:01] let me do it

[1:44:02] in the traditional manner

[1:44:03] which is to say

[1:44:04] oh boy

[1:44:05] to take off my pants

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:07] oh sorry

[1:44:07] Scott Bakula

[1:44:08] just quantum leaped into me

Dan McCoy

[1:44:10] no

[1:44:10] wow

[1:44:10] Maximum Fun

[1:44:13] a worker owned network

[1:44:15] of artist owned shows

[1:44:17] supported

[1:44:17] directly

[1:44:18] by you

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