The Flop House: Episode One - Stealth

S1

[0:00] Tonight in the Flophouse, we discuss the sentient robot film Stealth.

[0:05] Sentient, a word I only learned how to pronounce after recording this podcast. Enjoy.

[0:30] Hello and welcome to the first episode of The Flophouse, the episode that we will look back on with shame in the future.

[0:45] This is the show where we examine a fairly recent movie of bad provenance and discuss it.

[0:54] And my name is Dan McCulley.

Stuart Wellington

[0:57] My name is Simon Fisher.

[0:59] I wanted the show to be called Creature Aberration, but we're stuck with Flophouse.

[1:05] And I'm Stuart Wellington, and I thought the Flophouse was pretty funny.

[1:10] So the first movie that we watched was a little film called Stealth.

S1

[1:17] A combination of Short Circuit, 2001, Top Gun.

[1:24] What are some other robot movies?

[1:27] I don't think Top Gun was a robot movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30] Let's count it as a robot movie.

[1:32] Other robot movies.

[1:34] Transformers.

[1:34] Yes, also like Transformers.

[1:36] There was a combination of Transformers and Stealth also.

S1

[1:38] Josh Lucas, I believe, was our hero.

[1:40] I'm too lazy to look it up.

[1:42] I imagine that any leading man that is too bland is Josh Lucas.

[1:48] I think it was Cole Hauser.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49] I think they were the same two dudes.

[1:51] It's one guy with a nom de gore.

[1:54] Dirk Fastman.

S1

[1:56] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56] Dirk and Josh Lucas looks more like a vulture than Cole Hauser.

S1

[1:59] Cole Hauser looks like a vulture too.

[2:01] And Jessica Biel and Ray Charles, Oscar winner Jamie Foxx.

[2:08] The ghost of Ray Charles in the movie.

[2:09] They were all, there were three hot shot.

[2:13] Hot doggers.

Stuart Wellington

[2:14] Hot doggers.

[2:15] Fly boys.

S1

[2:16] Hot doggers.

[2:17] And they were all anti-terrorists.

Stuart Wellington

[2:21] They were also friends now.

[2:23] That's important.

[2:24] They were fast friends.

[2:25] They weren't only work colleagues, they were the best of friends.

S1

[2:28] And they were a sentient plane was added to their team.

[2:33] Later, they had misgivings at the beginning.

[2:35] They didn't know if it was going to work out very well.

Stuart Wellington

[2:37] So wait, they didn't take immediately to the robot plane?

S1

[2:40] No, you were there.

[2:41] You remember.

[2:42] There were some adjustments.

[2:43] So they didn't take it out to the clubs and shit with them?

Stuart Wellington

[2:46] No, they did not.

[2:46] They did, however, go out to the clubs a lot.

[2:48] There was a lot of club scenes.

S1

[2:50] And a lot of hanging out in Thailand.

[2:52] So these three fly boys, these three hot shot Air Force pilots

[2:57] were joined by this plane called Eddie.

[3:00] Yes.

[3:01] What was it?

Stuart Wellington

[3:01] Extreme Dangerous Insertion?

[3:04] Extreme Deep Insertion, I think.

[3:07] Extreme Deep Insertion?

[3:09] Which sounds like some sort of sex.

[3:10] It's either a dildo or like a series of movies.

[3:13] It's like Extreme Dildo Impersonator.

[3:16] I don't know.

S1

[3:17] They were all like some sort of ace anti-terrorism squad.

[3:23] Yes.

[3:23] Which, you know, planes, as far as I have been able to ascertain,

[3:28] are the main line against terrorism.

[3:30] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[3:31] They fly in stealth style and then blow up various strategic locations.

S1

[3:36] And...

[3:37] That's how we fight wars.

[3:38] It's the wars of the future.

[3:40] And he gets hit by lightning, short circuit style.

[3:43] He becomes evil for a time.

Stuart Wellington

[3:45] Well, to be fair, I've been thinking about it a little bit since the movie's been over.

[3:49] He didn't become evil per se.

[3:51] He just took his programming too literal.

[3:55] Right.

[3:56] He didn't know any better.

[3:57] Does that make somebody evil?

[3:58] Not if you're a robot, I don't think.

S1

[4:01] So you're saying that he's the heavily armed airplane equivalent of like a two-year-old.

Stuart Wellington

[4:07] Yes.

[4:07] Yes, I do think that.

[4:08] That's exactly my argument.

[4:09] So you bring the second part of the original question.

[4:12] Is it possible for a robot to be evil?

[4:15] Yes.

[4:15] I would...

[4:15] Yes, it is.

[4:17] Because remember how at first he just is following his programming.

[4:20] But later, he learns that he feels remorse.

[4:25] At that point, now that he has a guilt mechanism,

[4:27] at that point if he continues to choose to do evil, then he's evil.

S1

[4:31] I don't understand.

[4:33] Perhaps I need to be hit by lightning.

[4:35] You raise a different question because during his so-called evil period,

[4:40] he directly leads to the death of Jamie Foxx's character.

Stuart Wellington

[4:46] But he doesn't attack.

[4:47] He just is so good at evasive maneuvers

[4:50] that Jamie Foxx is exploded in his own missile explosion.

[4:54] And I don't know if you remember,

S1

[4:56] but the robot did tell him that there was a 1% chance of him being shot down.

[5:01] That's true.

Stuart Wellington

[5:03] The robot's a really good at calculating probability.

[5:06] The plane goes evil.

[5:07] What does the plane do then?

[5:08] It flies to Germany?

[5:10] No, it flies to Russia.

[5:12] The plane flies to Russia.

[5:13] And it's going to try to destroy a bunch of Russian shit.

[5:15] Or just fly over Russian airspace.

[5:17] I don't remember.

[5:17] It was never terribly clear.

S1

[5:19] One thing that this movie has taught me is that there is little to no penalty

[5:24] for invading a foreign country to airspace.

Stuart Wellington

[5:27] There's not.

[5:28] It's consequence-free.

[5:29] That's what I like about it.

S1

[5:31] Doesn't Jessica Biel get shot by a North Korean guy's sniper rifle?

[5:36] Yes.

[5:36] That sounds like a penalty.

[5:38] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[5:39] Well, not on the international theater, it's not a penalty.

S1

[5:42] Eddie leads to the death of Jamie Foxx.

[5:45] Yes.

[5:45] It leads directly to Jessica Biel.

Stuart Wellington

[5:47] Who was the most wisecracking of all.

S1

[5:49] Yeah.

[5:50] Frankly, not a big loss to the film.

[5:53] Jamie Foxx is listening.

[5:55] I hope Jamie Foxx is listening.

[5:57] And Jessica Biel goes down to North Korea.

[6:00] All as a result of Eddie.

[6:02] And then...

[6:03] Extreme deep insertion.

[6:05] Josh Lucas discovers that he's not such a bad guy, this airplane.

[6:11] And they go together and they save Jessica Biel.

Stuart Wellington

[6:16] Yeah.

S1

[6:16] He figures it out because that robot blows up a shit little Russian dude.

[6:20] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[6:21] Well, they work together as a team.

[6:23] Because the one guy...

[6:24] Well, should we spoil the twist ending?

[6:27] I think it's all right.

[6:29] It's okay to spoil it?

[6:30] All right.

[6:30] Well, the guy, the boss guy that you're going to see in the beginning of the movie...

S1

[6:33] The boss guy played by Pulitzer Prize winning playwright Sam Shepard.

[6:38] Yes.

[6:38] In a nod to his role in The Right Stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[6:42] Yep.

[6:43] That's what it was.

[6:44] He's the boss.

[6:45] And at first you think he's cool.

[6:46] But then later on he turns out to be a douchebag.

[6:49] And he's just trying to cover his own ass.

[6:51] So he tries to have this doctor assassinate Cole Hauser's character with like a syringe full of poison.

[6:55] Lucas.

[6:56] I'm pretty sure it was Cole Hauser.

[6:59] He tries to poison him with a syringe.

[7:01] And that guy, doesn't he want to leave Jessica Biel in North Korea or something?

[7:05] Who, the doctor?

[7:06] No, the doctor.

[7:08] The boss.

[7:08] Oh, okay.

[7:09] Because he tells Cole Hauser's character, he's like, yeah, she landed just fine.

[7:14] Just fine.

[7:15] But really he finds out later from Extreme Deconceration that she crashed in North Korea.

[7:22] I don't think I've watched the movie.

[7:26] We were texting a lot.

[7:28] Which I think signifies.

S1

[7:31] I don't want to gloss over this because to me the most baffling thing about the movie is that, okay, stealth.

[7:38] I like to call him stealth.

[7:40] I prefer Extreme Deconceration.

Stuart Wellington

[7:42] I know, I like stealth because it makes me think of the movie title.

[7:46] Yeah, the guy's name is stealth.

S1

[7:48] You think stealth is the bad guy just because he kills one of our heroes and strands another one of our heroes in an enemy country.

[7:56] But it turns out stealth is a good guy.

[7:57] He sacrifices himself at the end to help all of them.

[8:01] And you think, okay, Sam Shepard is the bad guy.

[8:05] But you know what?

[8:06] Sam Shepard commits suicide.

[8:08] Like a bad guy would.

[8:09] And so basically our heroes don't have to do anything, really, to combat any antagonist in the course of the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[8:17] Well, that's the weird thing.

[8:18] It's a weird, it's an antagonist-free movie.

[8:22] It's a movie where they have these obstacles that will pop up from time to time, but then the obstacles in most cases resolve themselves.

[8:30] Like, Cole Habsler doesn't fix stealth.

[8:32] Like, stealth pretty much is just like, oh, okay, yeah, I'll go along with you.

[8:36] Like, the obstacle resolves itself.

[8:38] Yeah.

[8:39] I don't know that I would say that I actually paid attention to this movie.

[8:44] But if I recall from the trailer, stealth was kind of the bad guy in the movie.

[8:49] And second of all...

[8:51] No, no, we were just talking about that stealth's not the bad guy.

[8:54] Well...

[8:55] Also, it's not stealth.

[8:56] I just remember that line from the trailer where Jamie Pike says,

[9:00] I'm gonna blast you right out of the sky.

[9:02] Yes, but Jamie Foxx's character is dead.

[9:05] That character dies.

[9:06] And I don't even remember him saying that line in the movie.

[9:09] I don't remember either.

[9:10] I watched that entire movie, and I don't remember at any point he said...

[9:13] So, misadvertising.

[9:14] I'm gonna blow you out of the sky.

[9:16] Yes.

[9:16] Lies and advertising.

[9:18] Lies and half-truths.

[9:19] That's the packaging that surrounds this movie.

[9:22] What other movies did Rob Cohen, the director of Stealth, direct, Daniel?

S1

[9:26] I believe that Rob Cohen was the director of The Fast and the Furious.

[9:30] Now, that's a hell of a movie.

[9:31] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[9:31] That's a movie I think we can all get behind.

S1

[9:33] Well, I think we can get behind it better than Stealth.

Stuart Wellington

[9:37] Stealth, sure.

[9:38] Well, Stealth was a real snore factory.

[9:41] That's what I like to call it.

[9:43] I like to call it a snore factory.

[9:44] Why do you like to call it that?

[9:46] Because it made me snore a lot.

[9:48] It produced so many snores.

[9:50] Like an officially run factory generating snores.

[9:55] Yeah.

[9:56] There were a lot of explosions and a lot of planes flying through, like, gulches and, like, valleys.

S1

[10:01] I'm taking a look at Rob Cohen's filmography.

[10:05] On the internet.

[10:06] On the internet.

[10:07] I like to point out his first major film, Dragonheart.

[10:13] You may remember that one.

[10:13] I remember Dragonheart.

[10:14] Dragonheart.

Stuart Wellington

[10:15] Sean Connery was a dragon.

[10:18] That's right.

[10:18] Sean Connery played the dragon in that movie.

[10:19] Dennis Quaid was in it or something, right?

[10:21] Dennis Quaid was a...

[10:23] A dragon heart.

[10:25] Now, remind me.

[10:25] Was there only the one single dragon in that movie?

[10:28] Yes.

[10:29] I'm thinking of Wayne to Five.

[10:31] It was the last dragon.

[10:32] Dennis Quaid and Sean Connery's dragon character were kind of like...

[10:37] There was a lot of...

S1

[10:38] It was like a buddy comedy if one of the buddies was a dragon and Sean Connery.

Stuart Wellington

[10:42] Sort of like...

[10:43] It's like Tango and Cash, but one of them's a dragon.

[10:46] But imagine Cash as a dragon.

[10:48] Sure, if Cash was a dragon.

[10:50] I don't think it's fair to...

[10:51] Why not?

[10:53] Because I don't want to...

[10:54] Tango and Cash requires...

[10:55] Hold on.

S1

[10:56] Hold on.

[10:56] I want to...

[10:57] Rob Cohen has a hell of a filmography here.

[11:00] Daylight.

[11:00] I'm not familiar with that.

[11:02] That's the Sylvester Sloan film.

[11:03] Trapped in a tunnel.

[11:04] Right.

[11:05] Where he's in the tunnel.

[11:07] You might have...

[11:08] I believe it had basically the same cover art as Clif Hanger.

[11:13] It was Sylvester Sloan hanging off of something.

Stuart Wellington

[11:17] I thought you were going to say it had the same poster art as us, Dale.

[11:20] I was really excited.

[11:21] The Skulls.

[11:22] I saw the Skulls.

[11:24] Yeah.

[11:24] I saw the Skulls.

[11:24] Yeah.

[11:25] Craig T. Nelson's in that.

[11:27] Josh Jackson.

[11:28] We call him Coach.

[11:28] From Dawson's Creek, I think.

[11:30] Coach played a sinister guy, if I remember.

S1

[11:32] Joe Jackson?

[11:33] Yes.

[11:33] Joshua Jackson of Pacey.

[11:36] Yes.

[11:37] Of Pacey.

Stuart Wellington

[11:38] Who names their kid Pacey?

[11:39] TV parents named their kids Pacey.

[11:41] Okay.

[11:41] And Joe Jackson played Pacey in Dawson's Creek.

[11:43] Josh Jackson.

[11:44] Joe Jackson.

[11:44] Joshua Jackson.

[11:46] Joe...

[11:46] New Wave artist.

S1

[11:49] Joe Jackson, star of Dawson's Creek.

[11:51] Was also in Skulls with Coach.

[11:53] The Fast and the Future is arguably the only good film on Rob Cohen's resume.

Stuart Wellington

[11:58] And even then, I think we're playing it loose and easy with good.

[12:00] Then he went on to Triple X.

[12:02] Triple X was...

[12:05] I did not know that was Rob Cohen also.

[12:07] That was a really good movie.

[12:09] As a side note, it's important that I point out the fact that in Triple X,

[12:14] Vin Diesel's character has a name tattooed on his stomach.

[12:17] That character, that name, is Vin Diesel's D&D character of many years.

S1

[12:22] That's pretty weird.

[12:23] More disturbing to me, though.

Stuart Wellington

[12:25] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[12:26] More...

[12:27] Wait.

[12:27] Let's...

[12:28] Don't segue that into, like...

[12:29] Don't tie that into, like, the fact that he has a D&D character.

[12:32] That's a delightful fact.

S1

[12:34] Okay.

[12:36] On a not related...

[12:38] There we go.

[12:40] What bothers me about this film is that the screenwriter...

[12:43] Credit is from W.D. Richter.

[12:46] Best known for writing Big Trouble in Little China.

[12:50] Shit, that is a good movie.

[12:51] Still.

[12:53] Also, the 1978 version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

[12:58] And I believe that W.D. Richter did The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across the eight dimensions.

[13:03] He was the director of that movie.

Stuart Wellington

[13:05] I can't believe that that guy wrote Still.

[13:08] I cannot believe that.

[13:10] Yeah, no.

[13:10] I can't believe it.

[13:12] That and Still, they must have edited the shit out of that script then before it went to production.

[13:15] Because I can't believe that guy wrote that script.

S1

[13:18] Yeah, two of my personal favorites.

[13:21] Well, because I mean...

Stuart Wellington

[13:22] Because Still sucked.

[13:23] And yet, Big Trouble in China is really good.

[13:27] Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[13:28] Are we already at the final judgment portion of this?

[13:30] Wait, I mean...

[13:30] I haven't decided yet.

[13:33] Don't tip your hand.

[13:34] Sure.

[13:35] All right.

[13:36] What else is going on with Stealth?

[13:39] What else is going on with Stealth?

[13:41] Let me open up today's Stealth newspapers.

[13:44] Now, I have a question.

[13:45] Check it out.

[13:46] I'm just wondering who Stealth is marketed to, Daniel.

[13:49] That's a really good question.

[13:51] Is it a scary movie?

[13:53] Because the trailers, if I recall, people were frightened of the robot.

[13:58] Because it was a bad guy.

[13:59] I think you're remembering yourself as a young boy.

[14:02] You're projecting onto...

[14:03] Being frightened of robots.

[14:04] Sure.

[14:05] You're projecting.

[14:05] Quite or plenty.

[14:06] It's called Project.

[14:07] Sure.

[14:08] So, yeah.

[14:09] I think, though, who it's marketed to is an excellent question.

[14:12] What's the target audience for Stealth?

S1

[14:15] Well, I have to say...

[14:16] Is it adventure lovers?

[14:18] Well, the one thing that I enjoyed out of the movie was...

[14:21] I do like movies with dog bites in them.

[14:25] I mean, as far as I was concerned, the one sort of exciting moment in the movie is when

[14:30] Jessica Biel's plane was going down.

[14:32] She had to eject.

[14:34] Airsheet caught fire.

Stuart Wellington

[14:35] Simon, what was your favorite part?

[14:37] I really liked the part where the human and the robot grew to understand each other.

[14:42] Okay.

[14:44] Important.

[14:45] You know, I think I'm...

[14:47] I don't know if I'm going to make a lot of friends with this comment.

[14:50] Okay.

[14:51] But I would argue my favorite part of the movie was literally any part where you got a good

[14:57] look at Jessica Biel's ass.

[14:59] You know?

[14:59] That's fair.

[15:00] Because it was really nice to look at.

[15:02] And it made me forget that there was a robot fighter pilot trying to kill everybody.

[15:06] That's true.

[15:06] The robot itself was actually a single sphere.

[15:12] It was implanted into, like plugged into the plane.

[15:15] That's what computers actually looked like.

S1

[15:17] He literally had Hal's voice in 2001.

[15:21] It was eerily close.

[15:22] And they lifted nearly exactly the scene where Hal read the lip.

Stuart Wellington

[15:28] Well, maybe it wasn't a ripoff so much as in Oh My.

[15:31] Yeah.

[15:31] Like doing screenwriting.

S1

[15:33] Maybe it wasn't a ripoff so much as they thought, you know what?

[15:37] Let's take 2001 and let's remove all sort of like the subtext about human development.

Stuart Wellington

[15:45] Well, let's boil it down to what it's really all about.

[15:47] Humans versus robots.

[15:48] Which is why I like the part where they reconcile the most.

S1

[15:53] Let's make it more of a Top Gun.

Stuart Wellington

[15:55] Something about 2001, robots, robots versus airplanes.

[15:59] You know what I was going to say was...

[16:01] What's reassociate?

[16:02] Apples.

[16:03] Robots.

[16:04] Robot apples.

[16:05] Airplanes.

[16:05] Airplanes that shoot apples.

[16:07] Remember how the bad guy in the movie ate apples.

[16:09] Chris Christopherson.

[16:10] See that?

[16:10] Chris Christopherson was not in this film.

[16:12] That's important to point that out.

S1

[16:14] But I think it is important to point out that Sam Shepard did eat Granny Smith apples.

Stuart Wellington

[16:18] Or at the very least, he ate green apples.

[16:20] The most common kind of green apple.

[16:24] Granny Smith.

S1

[16:25] Granny Smith apples.

[16:26] I wanted to say...

[16:27] I remember what I wanted to say.

[16:28] It was this.

[16:30] Going into this movie, I was afraid that it was going to be another anti-sentient robot film.

[16:37] Weirdly enough, no.

[16:38] It wasn't.

[16:38] That was the odd thing.

[16:40] I was about to...

[16:41] I was going to come in and say like...

[16:42] There's been a lot of them lately, right?

[16:44] There have been a lot of...

[16:44] Where they trash talk machines with sentries.

[16:47] Yeah, basically like any movie where like a robot gets self-awareness other than Short Circuit,

[16:53] that robot is bad news.

[16:55] He becomes evil.

[16:56] Give me some examples here, guys.

[16:58] I think you're just going to show that.

[16:59] Well, the Terminator series...

Stuart Wellington

[17:01] Yeah, but Terminator's good in the second one.

S1

[17:04] And in the third one.

[17:05] And in the third one.

[17:05] That's true.

[17:06] He's not sentient.

[17:07] The robots that are sentient are evil.

[17:09] Like I said, I'm sick and tired of robots...

[17:14] Getting a bad rap.

[17:15] Sure.

[17:15] They don't deserve a bad rap.

[17:16] To me, that's like the science fiction equivalent of the movie where a...

[17:22] Say a young woman comes from a small town to get a good job in the city.

[17:27] And then she learns that small town ways are the best.

[17:30] Yeah.

[17:30] And I'm like, that's bullshit.

[17:31] Country versus city.

[17:32] Sometimes, you know...

[17:33] Robot versus human.

[17:34] Big city ways are the best.

Stuart Wellington

[17:35] Wait, wait, wait.

[17:36] Are you saying that the attitude toward robots is not unlike the slobs versus slobs parable?

S1

[17:42] I'm saying that Sweet Home Alabama is a dirty lie.

[17:45] That's true, it is.

Stuart Wellington

[17:47] That is another movie featuring Cole Hauser.

[17:50] Star of Stealth.

[17:51] Yeah.

S1

[17:52] Cole Hauser nodded.

[17:54] Josh Lucas and his piercing, piercing blue eyes.

[17:57] They were very blue.

Stuart Wellington

[17:58] The deepest, the bluest.

[17:59] The trailer for that movie features a dog doing a double take.

[18:03] Wait, Stealth?

[18:06] No, Sweet Home Alabama.

[18:09] Wait, wait, wait.

[18:09] There was a dog that does a double take in the trailer for Sweet Home Alabama?

[18:12] Yeah, like somebody says some kind of a line.

[18:15] Or like, like Reese Witherspoon's like, I'm never going back to the city or something like

[18:20] that.

[18:20] And then the dog like looked like the bloodhound who's sitting on the porch and looks up and

[18:24] looks like, oh?

[18:25] Because it's like, it's a spit take.

[18:27] Spits in a dog food.

[18:28] Yeah.

[18:28] Well, kind of, yeah.

[18:30] Spits in a dog food.

S1

[18:32] I believe that like the Wilhelm scream, you know, like the scream that's been used over

[18:37] and over again.

[18:38] There is one sound for a dog doing a double take and it's been used over and over again.

[18:43] Do you think a dog can actually make that noise?

[18:46] No, I know.

[18:47] I don't believe that's possible.

[18:48] I think a human made that noise.

Stuart Wellington

[18:50] I think a human made that noise also.

[18:51] Or it comes from a really weird thing where they're like, yeah, if we scratch some drumsticks

[18:57] across the trash can and play it backwards, that's how we get the sound.

[19:00] That's how sound magic works.

[19:01] So it's a fully artist creation.

[19:04] I would say the nine out of ten times.

[19:07] That's probably fair.

[19:10] One out of ten times, it's not actually a dog.

[19:13] It's all, it's a cat or it's, I don't know.

[19:16] No, I think that instead of it being a complex, you know, sound tech kind of thing, they're

[19:20] like, hey, you, make this kind of sound.

[19:22] And the person makes the sound, they record it, done.

S1

[19:25] That sound is actually made by hitting a side of beef.

[19:28] Mm-hmm.

[19:29] Where it comes from.

[19:29] Hey, you flops.

Stuart Wellington

[19:40] Flopping in the Flophouse with us three flops.

[19:43] Scoobadoobop.

[19:45] Nice.

[19:46] That was golden.

[19:46] That should be a bumper for all of them.

[19:51] Anything else about the stills worth discussing?

[19:53] I don't know that there is.

[19:54] I don't know.

[19:56] Would you call it a thriller?

[19:58] No.

[19:59] I would call it a chiller.

[20:03] No to that one either.

[20:04] Now, if I was going to, like, say, Dan, you own a video store.

[20:08] Imagine this, okay?

[20:10] You know, it's full of people ready to rent movies that they're going to enjoy and eat

[20:13] popcorn during.

[20:14] It's called Dan's Videos.

[20:15] Dan's Videos.

[20:16] You probably also sell, like, candy and popcorn.

[20:19] Can you call it Film Frolics?

[20:20] Yes.

[20:20] Yeah, you call it Film Frolics.

[20:21] There's candy and, like, popcorn and shit and all kinds of stuff.

[20:26] And you organize your DVDs in a certain way according to what you believe to be most appropriate

[20:33] to somebody who would rent a feature.

S1

[20:36] Your genre.

Stuart Wellington

[20:36] What genre area, like, collection of shelves, would you play stealth?

S1

[20:41] I think I would put it in action adventure.

Stuart Wellington

[20:45] Okay.

[20:46] Simon, you own Dan's Videos.

[20:49] I bought it.

[20:49] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[20:50] No, no, no.

[20:51] Dan, no, no, no.

[20:52] Dan mishandled the whole thing.

[20:54] I bought it.

[20:56] Okay.

[20:56] Um, I would, you know what, it is, it is an action.

[21:01] Like, it's an action movie.

[21:02] You can't put it anywhere else.

[21:03] Now, obviously, that doesn't make a difference.

[21:05] Good action movie.

[21:06] However, it is an action movie.

[21:08] It's not a classical drama.

[21:11] It's going on a comedy.

[21:12] Okay.

[21:13] It's not a horror movie.

S1

[21:14] Okay.

[21:15] You know what, guys?

Stuart Wellington

[21:16] You know what, guys?

[21:16] I'm sorry.

[21:17] You're both wrong.

[21:18] No.

[21:18] In Dan's video, stealth falls under robot mayhem.

[21:23] There's, no.

[21:25] No, I'm serious.

[21:26] I went there the other day.

S1

[21:27] First of all, if I ever, that is a very, that is a very specific video store.

[21:31] If I ever, subdivisions, if I was going to subdivide things like that, I don't think I would have any time for movies to be able to be able to be too busy.

Stuart Wellington

[21:40] If I went to a video store that had a category called, um, what was it, Robot Mayhem?

[21:44] Robot Mayhem, yep.

[21:45] I would think the owner of that video store was a hipster asshole.

S1

[21:48] No, I have to disagree with you.

Stuart Wellington

[21:50] I mean, I don't own it.

[21:51] I just went there.

[21:53] I got it.

[21:54] I disagree.

[21:54] A mysterious, like, ex-benefactors bought it after I ran out of business.

[21:58] Yeah.

[21:59] Mysterious.

[22:00] And then you just happened to see, this was the way they organized it.

S1

[22:04] I have to say, um, if Stuart owned Dan's video, and there was a section called Robot Mayhem,

[22:10] I would have to rent every movie in the Robot Mayhem section.

[22:14] Because, uh, I can't tell you how many, you know, Saturday nights I'm thinking.

Stuart Wellington

[22:18] Terminator?

[22:18] Robot Mayhem.

[22:19] That's what I need.

[22:20] Uh, Batteries Not Included?

[22:22] That's Mayhem-y.

[22:23] Yeah!

[22:24] Bro, Batteries Not Included kind of sucks.

[22:27] I watched it recently.

[22:28] Dude, there's plenty of mayhem in it.

[22:29] Okay.

[22:30] Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[22:31] We've talked a lot about this movie.

[22:34] Stealth.

[22:36] What's, uh, what's the final judgment here, Dan?

[22:38] Snore Factory.

[22:39] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

S1

[22:41] All right, the categories are, the official Flophouse categories are a bad movie that you

[22:47] wouldn't recommend to anyone, a bad movie that you would recommend to people because it's

[22:54] kind of fun, or a movie that you secretly kind of like.

[22:58] So, Simon, which one is it?

Stuart Wellington

[23:00] Uh, well, for me, since the movie was a goddamn Snore Factory, I have, I have, um, for many

[23:05] movies are either Fun Factories or Snore Factory.

[23:08] And, um, if it's a Fun Factories.

[23:10] That's your personal rating.

[23:11] Sure, but for the purposes of the show, um, I would say that since it is a Snore Factory,

[23:15] I would not recommend it to anyone.

[23:16] I think it has almost no redeeming quality.

[23:19] All right.

[23:19] Mainly just boring.

[23:20] Fair enough.

[23:21] Stuart?

S1

[23:23] Um, wait, what other categories?

[23:24] Oh, um.

[23:25] Snore Factory or Fun Factory?

Stuart Wellington

[23:27] I would recommend it to people.

[23:31] Wait, wait.

[23:31] People.

[23:32] No, no.

[23:33] I thought this was doing recommended at all, not which sub types of people would you recommend

[23:38] it to.

[23:39] Like, I would not recommend it to moms, but I would.

[23:41] Aw, it's weird.

[23:42] How about that?

[23:43] I would recommend it to people who enjoy films and not so deep things.

[23:48] Okay, you're both dicks.

[23:50] Fine.

[23:50] I wouldn't recommend it really to anyone.

[23:52] It wasn't really that good.

[23:54] There's no nudity, and there's not really any color.

[23:56] Cole Hauser was good in it.

S1

[23:58] There's no Cole Hauser in that movie.

Stuart Wellington

[24:01] First of all, I thought Cole Hauser did a really good job of looking like Josh Lucas.

[24:07] Awesome.

[24:07] So, I would say nobody, uh, that movie's really crabby.

[24:11] Don't watch it.

S1

[24:12] Dan?

[24:13] Well, uh, I would have to agree with you both.

[24:15] I would not recommend it to anyone.

[24:16] I think you made a wise decision to anyone.

Stuart Wellington

[24:19] So, uh, for the very first episode, total agreement.

[24:22] Nice.

[24:23] It feels good.

[24:23] It's weird.

[24:24] It feels really good.

[24:25] Makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

[24:27] Makes me feel really good.

S1

[24:28] Where this, uh, this first episode, there's a segment I want to inaugurate.

[24:33] That's...

[24:33] Inaugurate.

[24:34] I would like to inaugurate.

[24:36] Inaugurate.

[24:37] Which is to say, uh, to prove that we're not just sad bastards that hate everything in

[24:43] the world.

[24:43] Is there anything that you, uh, any movie that you've seen recently that you would recommend

[24:48] in contrast to, uh, this was a lousy movie we just watched.

[24:52] Stu, what'd you say?

[24:53] What's good?

Stuart Wellington

[24:54] Um, the other day I watched the, uh, the remake of The Hitcher.

[24:59] And I wouldn't actually...

[25:01] Wait, you would recommend this?

[25:02] Because that's the whole substance of this portion of the show.

[25:06] Wait, hold on.

[25:07] Take a minute.

[25:08] Actually, I probably wouldn't recommend it.

[25:10] However, um, it's really weird because Sean Bean totally kills all these dudes and a helicopter.

[25:16] And, uh, that makes it not very scary.

[25:20] But then, I don't think Rucker Hauer was that scary in the original.

[25:23] Well, Rucker Hauer was not terribly scary.

[25:24] What would you recommend?

[25:26] Give me a good, give me a good movie I should check out.

[25:28] When I go to 10's video.

[25:30] I recently bought Monster Squad.

[25:32] But I think that's an easy sell because...

[25:34] It's awful, it's really awesome.

[25:36] Sure.

[25:37] Wolfman explodes and he's got nards.

[25:39] So, Simon, what else?

[25:40] What have you been up to?

[25:41] What's your story?

[25:42] What did I see recently?

[25:44] I saw The 10 the other day.

[25:46] Uh, and it was really, really hilarious.

[25:48] However, most people aren't going to get a chance to see it.

S1

[25:50] I believe I saw that The 10 is literally in 25 theaters nationwide.

Stuart Wellington

[25:54] Well, that's the thing.

[25:55] No one's going to see it.

[25:56] That's why I feel like, uh, I'm the latest ass I'll even mention it.

[25:59] Because you're going to have to wait until it comes out on DVD.

[26:00] However, it was really, really hilarious.

[26:03] You know what I saw?

[26:04] You know what I saw the other day?

[26:06] What did you see?

[26:07] That actually wasn't that bad?

[26:09] What was that?

[26:09] What's the movie where, um...

[26:12] Jothory.

[26:12] No, hold on.

[26:13] It wasn't Suthering.

[26:14] Uh, what movie has Julianne Moore and, um, Pierce Brosnan, and they both played divorce attorneys?

[26:20] Uh, Laws of Attraction?

[26:21] Laws of Attraction.

[26:22] It's not a crown affair.

[26:23] No, it's a law affair.

[26:24] That's...

[26:25] Boogie Nights.

[26:26] That's, yes.

[26:26] Boogie Nights.

[26:27] I recently saw Boogie Nights, and Pierce Brosnan is amazing.

S1

[26:31] You're going to make fun of mine, because, uh...

[26:33] Probably will.

[26:34] Now, I'm not going to say this is a good movie.

[26:36] But you're recommending it to me.

[26:37] But I caught Freddy's Dead, The Final Nightmare.

Stuart Wellington

[26:41] That's, weirdly enough, the only one I've never seen.

[26:44] And I'll tell you what.

S1

[26:45] Not a big fan of the Nightmare on Elm Street films.

[26:51] I think that they're overrated.

[26:53] I know that you guys agree.

[26:55] The first one's okay, not really that scary.

[26:57] The third one's kind of fun.

Stuart Wellington

[26:58] Well, they're weirdly homoerotic.

S1

[27:00] You think so?

[27:01] Number two certainly is.

[27:03] What's the homoerotic film?

Stuart Wellington

[27:04] A lot of them are, like, him, like, cutting dudes' cocks off and shit, I think.

S1

[27:07] Number two is the...

[27:08] Is he cutting off a homoerotic film?

[27:09] Probably.

[27:10] What's so gay about it?

[27:11] Well, it was directed by a gay man, so...

[27:15] Oh, did you think that informs his film name?

[27:17] Yeah, it does inform his film.

[27:18] There's a lot of Freddy preying on shirtless teenage guys.

[27:22] Freddy's Dead, The Final Nightmare.

[27:23] I'm not going to recommend it to you as, like, a movie that you've got to go out and see.

[27:28] However, if you get a chance to watch it, it has this great, like, feel of, like, late 80s, early 90s, Green Quest images, special effects.

[27:39] They totally do away with the idea of this being, like, really a horror movie or really a movie that has to make any sense.

[27:45] It's just, like, a weird dream sequence.

[27:46] It's just, like, a weird dream sequence, front to back.

[27:50] And it's kind of fun.

[27:52] You know what, Dan?

Stuart Wellington

[27:54] I saw that movie in the fucking theater.

S1

[27:56] Yeah?

[27:57] And I thought it was awesome.

[27:59] Did you like when Breckenmire was killed in a Nintendo game?

[28:04] Breckenmire's in that movie?

[28:05] Young Breckenmire is being killed by Freddy.

Stuart Wellington

[28:08] First of all, I don't know who that person is, but yes.

[28:10] He's the guy from that one show.

S1

[28:12] There was that show on where he worked at some news theater.

Stuart Wellington

[28:15] I just remember that part when that person is, like, dragged across the ceiling by Invisible.

S1

[28:20] I think that's every.

Stuart Wellington

[28:21] That's pretty much all that I've ever known.

[28:23] Yeah, my only real problem with that one is I don't think anybody.

[28:26] Oh, Freddy's dead.

[28:27] That's the one with the 3D glasses.

[28:30] Yes.

[28:30] Of course.

[28:31] I saw that movie at my friend Mike Barnes' house when I was in Christ.

[28:35] It would have been, like, 6th grade.

[28:37] It was probably 6th grade.

[28:38] I think it was 6th grade.

[28:40] You know?

[28:40] Because she pulls him in the real world in the end.

[28:42] She sticks, like, a grenade in him and he explodes and his head shoots at him.

[28:45] I think that movie is kind of great.

[28:46] And he says, like, cha-cha-cha or some shit.

[28:48] That's the same movie where the first kid that dies is the deaf kid and his, like, crazy mom shoves, like, a super long Q-tip through his head.

S1

[28:54] Yeah, which is kind of great because it totally, like, dismisses with the idea that this movie is scary.

[29:00] It totally dismisses with the idea that this movie has to make any sort of sense.

[29:04] And it's just, like, a crazy sequence of things that happened.

[29:07] True.

[29:08] You know what?

[29:09] I would take that recommendation.

[29:11] Huh.

Stuart Wellington

[29:12] So we've had a lot of fun tonight, Dan.

[29:14] We have.

[29:14] I had a chill little ass.

[29:16] It was a great blast.

S1

[29:17] So let's do this sign-off.

[29:19] All right.

[29:19] This has been the Flop Out.

[29:22] This is Dan and Foy.

[29:23] Simon Fisher and Stuart Wellington.

[29:26] Thank you for listening.

[29:28] Good night.

[29:30] Peace.

Stuart Wellington

[29:39] I like Cinema Creptacular.

[29:43] The Bad Film Inspectors.

[29:46] Dude.

[29:47] I really do like The Bad Film Inspectors as a name.

[29:50] I think that's a tremendous name for the show.

[29:52] The Terrible...

[29:52] I think it's either the Terrible Talkies or the...

[29:56] Where's it at?

[29:57] Or the Bad Film Inspectors.

[29:59] What?

S1

[29:59] I like Bad Film Inspectors.

Stuart Wellington

[30:01] You do?

[30:02] Because the idea being that we inspect them.

[30:05] I mean, I think the Flophouse is like...

[30:07] If we were actually being, like, serious and we're like, hey, let's name something something.

[30:11] The Flophouse is really good.

[30:14] Bad Film Inspectors just makes me wish I had, like, a pair of really cool sunglasses.

[30:19] Bad Film Inspector sounds like it's a really cool comic book idea.

The Flop House: Episode One - Stealth

Transcript

In this episode

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