The Flop House: Episode #20 - Jumper

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode of the Flophouse, we discuss Jumper, the heartwarming true tale of the inventor of the jumper cable.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. My name is Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:37] My name is Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] And I'm Matt Koff.

Dan McCoy

[0:41] Yeah, Matt Koff is joining us as our special guest.

[0:45] Elliot Kalin, regular co-host Elliot Kalin, was going to be here,

[0:48] and then his cruel overlords at The Daily Show had him stay late to do something probably much more important than a poorly listened to Flophouse.

[0:59] I doubt it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00] As much as I like to burn Elliot for being a wimp,

[1:04] shouldn't you make it sound like we had intended Matt to be here to make him feel better?

Dan McCoy

[1:08] Oh yeah, Matt.

[1:10] Wait, what?

[1:11] I was like, who's a totally sweet guest we can get?

[1:13] And I thought, my friend Matt Koff.

S3

[1:16] Yeah, I figure that's why you only told me an hour in advance.

Dan McCoy

[1:21] Yeah, 30 minutes into the movie.

[1:23] Let's be totally up front here.

[1:25] Matt was good enough to come by and sub in for Elliot.

[1:29] Halfway through the movie, literally, he showed up almost precisely at the halfway point.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34] Which is 40 minutes, I think, right?

[1:36] No, 50 minutes.

Dan McCoy

[1:37] This film was a trim, without credits, 83 minutes long.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43] Okay.

[1:43] So he got here at 42 minutes in?

Dan McCoy

[1:46] He actually got there in here later than that.

[1:49] Jesus.

[1:49] So he saw less than half of the film.

[1:52] How do you feel about that, Matt?

S3

[1:54] Well, from what I saw, I feel pretty good.

[1:56] Yeah?

[1:57] Because I imagine that movie was not good in its entire form.

Stuart Wellington

[2:04] I don't know.

[2:05] That's what the conclusion, the denouement.

[2:07] Yeah, yeah.

[2:08] Let me believe, sure.

S3

[2:09] Yeah, I'll just say that, you know, I saw it and I was like, I don't need to see the rest of this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] Yeah?

[2:15] You're not going to go back and run it?

S3

[2:17] I'm not going to jump back to the beginning.

Stuart Wellington

[2:21] Snap.

[2:22] Pardon me.

Dan McCoy

[2:23] Because the film that we watched.

[2:24] You can do that.

[2:25] Was Jumper.

[2:26] Oh, we didn't even say the name of the movie.

[2:28] No, we totally didn't.

[2:29] Oh, we missed something.

[2:30] It's a movie, you may recall, starring Hayden Christensen.

[2:34] Flophouse favorite, Hayden Christensen.

[2:36] Yeah, he was in Awake, wasn't he?

[2:37] He was in Awake.

[2:38] He played a guy who was awake, even though he's being surgeried on.

Stuart Wellington

[2:42] Surgeried on, sure.

[2:44] He was also really good in the Star Wars prequels.

[2:48] I'm not familiar with those films.

[2:50] Okay, we'll talk about them after the podcast.

[2:52] Good stuff.

[2:53] He was also in Shattered Glass.

Dan McCoy

[2:56] Yeah.

[2:56] He was actually kind of good in that, though.

[2:57] He was good in Shattered Glass, but I think that the point, the reason he was good in Shattered

[3:00] Glass is he was playing an irritating character.

[3:03] A character you were supposed to find painful and disturbing.

[3:08] Hmm.

[3:09] And here, you're supposed to be thinking that he's sort of the hero.

[3:13] Yeah.

[3:13] But he's still got that weird Hayden Christensen mouth.

[3:17] That strange, like, weird overbite smile of his that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Stuart Wellington

[3:23] His character's pretty irritating in the movie, though.

Dan McCoy

[3:25] Yeah, well, why don't you explain a little bit about that, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[3:27] Well, I mean, the movie kicks off with Hayden Christensen.

[3:31] You know, that's not necessarily the best way to start off a movie is a shot of Hayden Christensen.

[3:36] But he's standing on top of the head of the Sphinx, which I swear somebody would have seen him.

[3:41] Like, I would imagine there's people looking at the Sphinx most of the time.

[3:45] Like Sphinx maintenance workers.

[3:46] Maintenance workers or, I don't know, maybe a tourist?

[3:49] Yeah.

[3:50] And they would have seen some jack-off walking around on top, on the head of the Sphinx.

[3:55] And he's like, hey, today I hung out on the Sphinx and watched a basketball game from the front row and did a bunch of other really cool shit.

[4:05] Yeah.

[4:05] Don't you wish you were me?

[4:07] Yeah, basically.

[4:08] Sons of bitches out there in the audience.

[4:09] But, you know, once, it wasn't always like this.

[4:12] Once I was a chump like you.

[4:14] It's like, wait a minute.

[4:15] I'm a chump because I don't have magic powers.

[4:18] The movie really started like that?

[4:20] As I'll find out that this character has.

Dan McCoy

[4:21] It's like a person come up and introduce themselves to you.

[4:25] I remember when I was a loser.

[4:27] Like you are.

[4:28] Why don't I tell you my story for two hours?

Stuart Wellington

[4:30] Yep.

[4:31] Then I realized I was from the planet Krypton and your son makes me a Superman.

[4:37] Let me tell you about it.

[4:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:39] Well, the thing is, like, they do try and humanize him a little bit towards the beginning of the movie.

[4:44] His mom has left.

[4:47] His dad is Henry Rooker.

[4:49] Henry Rooker.

[4:50] Henry Rooker, the serial killer.

[4:51] You know, he doesn't seem to have a very good life.

Stuart Wellington

[4:54] And his mom's gone, right?

[4:56] It's almost as if there's no trace of her.

Dan McCoy

[4:59] Yeah, she is untraceable.

[5:01] Maybe because she's played by Diane Lane, star of previous Flophouse film.

S3

[5:07] Untraceable, get it?

[5:09] Zing.

[5:10] I think you guys are being unfaithful to the context of the situation.

[5:15] No.

Stuart Wellington

[5:17] Oh, man.

[5:18] I don't remember any other Diane Lane movie.

Dan McCoy

[5:20] I think that if I were in Hollywood land, I wouldn't have greenlit this film jumper.

[5:29] All right.

[5:30] That's all I can do.

Stuart Wellington

[5:32] So, the backstory we're providing right now, Matt, you didn't really get to see it.

[5:38] Is this coming as a surprise?

[5:40] Is this a shocker?

S3

[5:41] Actually, with that intro description, I feel like you're just trying to prank me.

[5:47] I don't believe that's actually how it started.

Dan McCoy

[5:50] How do you like to imagine that it began?

S3

[5:52] You know, maybe Hayden Christensen was buying some Nikes, and he just fell into a magic well.

[6:00] And that's how he got his powers.

[6:03] Nice.

Stuart Wellington

[6:03] A magic well in the, what, a Nike outlet?

[6:06] An outlet mall?

[6:07] No, no, no.

S3

[6:08] He went outside.

[6:09] Peoria?

[6:10] Yeah, he's in Peoria.

[6:12] And he's like, I got to test these things out.

[6:15] And then he falls into a well.

[6:17] I don't really know.

[6:18] You guys are really putting me on the spot here.

Stuart Wellington

[6:20] Were they cross-country Nikes or, like, basketball ones?

[6:23] They were cross-training.

[6:25] They still make sneakers with the pump thing with the little.

[6:29] I don't think those were Nikes, though, right?

[6:31] Those were Reeboks.

[6:33] Pump.

S3

[6:34] Yeah.

[6:35] Reebok pump.

[6:36] I don't think it really matters.

[6:37] I don't think it really matters that much in relation to offer.

[6:40] Yeah, sure.

Stuart Wellington

[6:41] So he's able to jump around and steal shit and basically teleport a lot, right?

[6:45] He is.

[6:46] That's pretty powerful.

[6:47] That's a really powerful ability.

Dan McCoy

[6:48] Well, I said to you watching the movie, like, the one thing, one of the things that the movie

[6:52] gets right is it gives you a feeling of how powerful that ability is.

[6:57] One of many things it gets right.

[6:58] I, you know, I read X-Men comics.

[7:03] Okay.

[7:03] And I never, when reading X-Men comics, was like, you know what?

[7:06] If I was any character, I would be Nightcrawler.

Stuart Wellington

[7:10] Or Leela Chaney.

[7:12] Less popular.

[7:13] You gotta explain Leela Chaney to the...

[7:15] The intergalactic teleporter slash rock star from the X-Men comics.

[7:20] She's an intergalactic rock star.

Dan McCoy

[7:22] I might have wanted to be a hot intergalactic teleporting rock star.

Stuart Wellington

[7:26] I would have.

[7:27] Not necessarily a blue weird guy.

[7:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:31] With a tail.

[7:32] But this movie sort of shows you that, holy shit, the ability to just instantaneously go wherever

[7:37] you want is pretty much one of the more powerful abilities you can have.

[7:42] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[7:43] You can steal stuff.

[7:44] But again, that sort of works against the movie.

[7:46] I mean, we watched the film Next a while back.

[7:50] And that was a movie about a guy who always knew what was going to happen next.

[7:56] And that sort of removed the suspense of the film.

[7:59] And likewise, if there's a guy who can basically just, I don't know, jump out of danger whenever

[8:04] he feels like it, again...

Stuart Wellington

[8:07] And he's attacking guys who are attacking him with, like, batons and other, like, relatively

[8:12] slow-moving projectile weapons.

[8:14] Like, they're not shooting him with a gun, for instance.

[8:17] Like, he'll see it coming and just teleport away, right?

Dan McCoy

[8:20] Yeah.

[8:20] Well, let's talk about the bad guys, because without the bad guys, it's just a movie about

[8:24] a guy who can teleport and go surfing.

[8:29] Like, he's just like, I'm bored with what I'm doing right now.

[8:33] Where are their awesome waves?

[8:36] Oh, Fiji.

[8:37] I can jump there.

[8:38] I would have liked to see that movie, actually.

[8:41] Yeah.

[8:41] Yeah, you missed that part.

S3

[8:43] Yeah, no, I would have liked to see the entire movie.

[8:46] Just like, yeah, let me just do this now.

[8:48] I just want to see...

Dan McCoy

[8:49] With him just enjoying himself?

S3

[8:50] Yeah.

[8:51] You know, because if that movie was 83 minutes, maybe it wouldn't have been such a disaster,

[8:55] you know?

Dan McCoy

[8:55] You'd like to see people having fun.

S3

[8:57] Yeah, I just kind of...

[8:58] What's with all this conflict?

[9:00] You know what I mean?

Dan McCoy

[9:01] That's what I think.

[9:02] It's kind of like...

Stuart Wellington

[9:03] It's called a Mishigas.

[9:04] It's kind of like an 83...

[9:05] That's a word, right?

[9:05] It's like an 83 minute long episode of Entourage.

[9:08] Yeah, exactly.

[9:09] Just good things happening to people.

[9:11] Right.

S3

[9:12] Yeah.

[9:12] That's so impossible.

Dan McCoy

[9:14] Well, the thing is, like, this guy...

[9:16] We're supposed to sympathize with him, I suppose, because he had a bad childhood, but as soon

[9:21] as he learns that he can jump, immediately he applies his skills to, I would say, being

[9:26] a supervillain.

[9:28] Yeah.

[9:28] He goes in, and he steals from a bunch of banks.

[9:33] That's pretty much what it is.

[9:33] And we see a shot of him watching Katrina victims being flooded out of their homes and, like,

[9:41] on top of their roofs.

[9:43] And the person on the TV is like, oh, it would take a miracle to rescue those people now.

[9:49] And he's like...

[9:50] And goes off and, I don't know, makes himself a grilled cheese sandwich or something.

Stuart Wellington

[9:55] He jumps to his favorite location of Johnny Rockets and gets a hamburger.

Dan McCoy

[10:00] Yeah, and some chicken kickers.

[10:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[10:03] So...

[10:04] He's only in his favorite place, which is in Cleveland.

Dan McCoy

[10:07] Oh.

[10:08] I just...

[10:08] I guess Cleveland.

[10:09] They make really good chicken kickers in Cleveland.

[10:12] It's true.

Stuart Wellington

[10:13] Yeah.

[10:13] Like, one thing that I was wondering throughout the movie is, like, he doesn't even walk that

[10:17] many places.

[10:18] Like, he jumps from location to location.

[10:22] I was wondering, like, wouldn't he end up getting fatter?

[10:25] Yeah.

[10:26] Because he's not really doing...

[10:27] Like, he surfs.

[10:28] But other than that, he just goes around and jumps everywhere.

Dan McCoy

[10:31] Yeah, no, I...

[10:31] I mean, like, I, as a normal human, you know, like, I...

Stuart Wellington

[10:35] So you're clarifying that you're not a jumper.

Dan McCoy

[10:37] Yeah, I'm not a jumper, everyone.

[10:38] So any paladins in the audience, please don't try and kill me.

[10:42] But also, I don't have a particularly, like, lazy lifestyle, I don't think.

[10:47] I'm not particularly active, but I'm not lazy.

[10:50] I've got a normal lifestyle.

[10:52] But I also go to the gym every lunch hour at work.

[10:57] And yet still, I've got a little, like, beer belly.

[11:00] You know, I'm not cut.

[11:03] Yeah, sure.

[11:03] We're like Hayden Christensen.

Stuart Wellington

[11:05] Well, I mean, don't, you know, don't sell yourself short, Dan.

[11:08] Well, I appreciate it.

[11:09] Quite the looker.

Dan McCoy

[11:11] Thank you, both of you.

[11:12] Oh, this is really nice.

[11:15] I shaved you guys over more often.

[11:16] That's a nice shirt you're wearing, Dan.

[11:18] So, but yeah, like, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[11:20] I mean, there could have been a whole bunch of downtime that they, like, shot initially.

[11:24] And they're like, ah, we have all these shots of him, like, at the gym and stuff.

[11:29] We probably don't need to put this in the movie.

[11:31] It's kind of like padding.

Dan McCoy

[11:32] Yeah, Hayden Christensen, like, has a little notebook.

[11:34] He's like, for every jump, I've got to do 20 minutes on the treadmill.

Stuart Wellington

[11:40] Or, I think more believably, is that the act of jumping somehow allows him to burn up calories and or exercise his muscles.

[11:49] Like, I bet it's strenuous on the muscles.

Dan McCoy

[11:51] Yeah, well, on your core muscles, specifically.

[11:54] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:54] Right.

[11:55] You've got to tense up.

Stuart Wellington

[11:57] Yeah, probably.

[12:00] I haven't jumped before.

Dan McCoy

[12:01] Let's speed ahead, though, to, like, when, I feel like we're leaving mad outs.

[12:05] Let's jump ahead.

[12:07] Whoa.

[12:08] Guys.

[12:10] Yeah.

[12:10] A later point in the film.

[12:12] When, um.

[12:13] A shitload of bad guys show up.

[12:15] Yeah.

[12:15] And start attacking.

[12:16] Well, they call them bad guys.

Stuart Wellington

[12:18] Okay.

[12:18] But are they?

[12:19] What do you think?

[12:19] Do you think they were bad guys?

S3

[12:20] I was rooting for them.

Stuart Wellington

[12:22] Yeah.

S3

[12:23] I was against.

[12:25] I just assumed they were overprivileged.

[12:28] You know, the.

[12:28] Who's it?

[12:29] The jumpers?

[12:30] Yeah, Hayden Christensen and Billy Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[12:32] Yeah.

[12:33] Other.

[12:34] Jumper number two.

[12:36] I think that was his actual name in the script.

[12:38] Yeah.

[12:39] Played by Jamie Bell.

[12:41] Best known as Billy Elliot from the, um.

[12:43] The movie of the same name.

[12:45] The titular role.

S3

[12:46] I remember him being so lovable when I saw Billy Elliot.

[12:50] Now I just.

[12:51] Now he's.

Stuart Wellington

[12:52] What was that movie about?

[12:53] Like a kid who gets hit by lightning or something?

[12:54] I can't remember.

[12:55] Yeah.

[12:56] Then he can dance.

[12:57] Is he really going to play the piano?

S3

[12:58] He becomes a vaudeville star after being hit by lightning.

Dan McCoy

[13:02] I love this movie that you're constructing.

[13:05] It's like this hybrid of powder and shine and Billy Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[13:12] So Billy Elliot and, uh.

[13:14] And Hayden Christensen are jumping around.

[13:17] They're being.

[13:17] They're basically snobs, right?

Dan McCoy

[13:19] Yeah.

[13:19] And Sam.

[13:20] Samuel L. Jackson.

[13:21] With white hair.

[13:23] And by the way.

[13:24] I really have to argue with this, like, trend in films.

[13:27] Like, of just.

[13:29] You know, we're going to.

[13:30] There's going to be a bad guy.

[13:31] Our main bad guy.

[13:32] We're going to give him a hair color that is completely anathema to, like, what his normal

[13:36] hair color would be.

[13:37] So, like.

[13:37] They've got Sam Jackson with, like, albino white hair.

[13:42] Yeah.

[13:42] And, like, that's supposed to indicate that he is one bad comic book villain style dude.

[13:49] That's really it.

[13:50] I noticed that.

[13:52] Isn't his name, like, Gideon or something?

[13:54] No, his name is, like.

[13:55] Gideon Claw.

[13:56] No, isn't it?

[13:56] No.

[13:58] You're imagining it as much more awesome than it was.

[14:01] The thing was, his name was super nerdy.

[14:03] His name was Roland.

[14:04] That's pretty nerdy.

[14:05] Sam Jackson.

[14:07] Imagine Sam Jackson playing a character named Roland.

Stuart Wellington

[14:11] I'm already asleep.

Dan McCoy

[14:13] I'm chuckling in my brain.

[14:15] Nice.

Stuart Wellington

[14:16] Yeah, he has, like, a team of guys that all have, like, electric batons.

[14:20] What are they called, Stuart?

[14:22] They're called paladins, I think.

[14:23] Huh.

[14:24] Oh, it's because they're evil and related to the church, right?

Dan McCoy

[14:28] Yeah.

[14:28] Well, this is a thing that I mentioned.

[14:30] They, Billy Elliot is explaining who the paladins are.

[14:34] Sure.

[14:34] And basically what he says is, like, they're, like, religious lunatics.

[14:38] They were the people behind the Crusades and the Inquisition.

[14:42] Huh.

[14:43] And it felt like such bullshit screenplay shorthand to me.

[14:48] We're not going to actually establish the villains by showing them doing anything villainous.

[14:52] We're just going to be like, um, there's a historical thing in the past that was bad.

[14:57] These dudes were behind that.

[14:59] Yeah.

[14:59] Because otherwise, like, I'm just like, you know what?

[15:02] Peyton Christensen's going around robbing a bunch of banks.

[15:05] I don't know if I object to Samuel L. Jackson coming in and stopping him from doing that.

Stuart Wellington

[15:11] Yeah, it's like saying something like, uh, I don't know, like, hey, remember Genghis Khan?

[15:15] Well, these guys used to go out and hang out with him and give him high fives and stuff.

[15:21] They totally supported him.

[15:23] They totally agreed with his ideas.

[15:25] On raping.

[15:27] Yep.

[15:28] Uh, so that's the thing, yeah.

[15:30] It's like that bullshit of, like, making, just making stuff up.

[15:33] Like, total movie shorthand.

[15:35] It's like giving a guy white hair and you're like, oh, he's got to be the bad guy.

[15:41] Oh.

[15:42] They have electric batons.

[15:43] I keep bringing that up.

Dan McCoy

[15:44] They do have electric batons.

[15:46] What do those electric batons do?

Stuart Wellington

[15:48] Uh, they, I think they shock the jumper.

[15:51] Yeah.

[15:52] Make it hard for them to jump.

Dan McCoy

[15:52] That was a great Peter Gabriel song, shock the jumper.

[15:55] Nice.

[15:56] I remember that one.

Stuart Wellington

[15:57] Uh, they also shoot out, like, whips or something, I think.

[16:00] I might have missed that part, though.

Dan McCoy

[16:02] Well, you know what?

[16:03] Here's something I want to say.

[16:04] The, the paladins can follow the jumper.

[16:07] Like, they've got, like, a limited window of time where they can follow the jumper through

[16:12] the, like, the rip that they make in the space-time continuum, which is called, like, a jump

[16:18] scar, which led to my favorite line of, like, unintentionally sexual dialogue.

[16:24] Uh, one of the characters said, I came through your jump scar.

Stuart Wellington

[16:29] I just came across your jump scar.

[16:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:33] Seems a little, seems a little risque.

[16:35] Yeah.

[16:36] I came across a girl's jump scar once.

[16:40] Uh.

[16:42] I just did that, I just did that to get the shocked look on Matt's face, which you can't

[16:47] get across in a podcast is a problem.

[16:50] Yeah.

[16:50] So now I seem like the dick.

Stuart Wellington

[16:51] Yeah, yeah.

[16:52] Yeah, yeah.

[16:53] So, uh, Matt, you came in halfway, maybe two-thirds of the way into the movie.

[16:58] Yeah.

[16:59] With that in mind, like, did it hold together, did the last, like, third hold together?

[17:03] Were you like, I totally understand what's happening?

Dan McCoy

[17:05] Or you're like, I gotta go home and rent this movie immediately?

[17:08] I gotta put it on the top of my Netflix queue?

S3

[17:11] There was somewhere between those two.

[17:13] I don't have to go and rent this movie, but I don't really know what's going on.

[17:19] I got that they were jumping through time.

[17:21] Or not time, space.

[17:23] Time is...

[17:24] Space time.

[17:26] Time is back to the future.

[17:27] All right, so, okay.

Dan McCoy

[17:28] You're thinking of time after time.

S3

[17:31] Right.

[17:31] I'm thinking of Stanley and Iris with, uh, Robert De Niro and, was it, Glenn Purse?

Dan McCoy

[17:37] You're thinking of Mad Dog and Glory.

Stuart Wellington

[17:39] Yeah.

[17:40] Mother Jugs and Speed.

[17:42] Yeah.

S3

[17:43] You're thinking of Uptown Saturday Night.

[17:45] I might be thinking of Beneath the Valley of the Ultra Vixens.

[17:49] But, um, I forgot what I was saying.

[17:54] You understood that they were jumping around.

[17:55] Yeah, yeah.

[17:56] Around the globe.

[17:57] I pretty much, I got it.

[17:58] And that was it.

[17:59] There was really nothing else to get.

[18:01] There was a whole lot of jumping going on.

[18:02] Yeah.

[18:03] It's basically, there was just one idea.

[18:06] And nothing was added to it for the 40 minutes that I saw.

Dan McCoy

[18:09] Well, that's the weird thing of the movie.

[18:11] Like, the movie actually, I gotta say, it spends a little time, like, setting up the plot.

[18:15] Mm-hmm.

[18:15] And then, it does absolutely nothing with it.

[18:19] We've totally neglected to mention the love interest thus far.

[18:24] Yeah, she's in the OC, right?

[18:25] Yeah.

[18:26] Rachel Bilson, uh, Summer Roberts of the OC.

[18:30] Yeah, she's pretty skinny.

[18:31] Yeah, skinny and she's got really big eyes.

[18:34] Yeah, I really had a problem with that.

[18:36] Yeah?

[18:37] I thought it was distracting.

Stuart Wellington

[18:39] Betty Boop eyes.

[18:41] Yeah.

[18:41] Put some glasses on.

Dan McCoy

[18:43] Yeah.

[18:44] Miniaturizing glasses.

[18:46] Yeah, really.

[18:46] Just shrink them.

[18:47] But, the thing is, like, she was supposed to be the adult version of the character that the main character had a crush on in high school.

[18:56] And, this is something that really bothers me in movies.

[18:58] Because, I understand why they do it.

[19:00] I understand, like, from a screenplay perspective.

[19:03] The idea of, like, well, okay, this is the main character's one true love.

[19:07] Mm-hmm.

[19:07] We're gonna set it up.

[19:09] And, as a kid.

[19:09] True love begins in high school.

[19:11] Yeah, exactly.

[19:11] As a kid, we're gonna see how it progresses.

[19:13] But, in fucking real life, no high school relationship does or should survive in that way.

Stuart Wellington

[19:21] You've totally alienated every single one of our listeners.

Dan McCoy

[19:25] Because our listenership is made up of 14-year-old girls.

Stuart Wellington

[19:29] Predominantly high school sweethearts and 14-year-old girls.

Dan McCoy

[19:32] Yeah.

[19:32] I hate to break it to you, all 14-year-old girls who are listening to this podcast.

[19:37] Don't say it, Dan.

[19:38] But, the man that you're in love with now is not the man that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with.

[19:43] Unless he's a jumper.

[19:45] Yeah.

[19:45] Hey.

[19:46] Cross your fingers.

[19:47] That's the fucking caveat.

[19:50] That's in the contract.

[19:53] It's in the rules.

[19:53] No, but it really, it actually does bother me.

[19:56] Because, like I said, I understand story-wise why it's done.

[20:00] But, it creates this whole, like, unrealistic viewpoint that Hollywood is selling.

[20:06] Like, yeah, you know what?

[20:08] You guys were just meant to be.

[20:10] It's like, you know what?

Stuart Wellington

[20:11] I actually don't have that much in common with you.

[20:13] I just thought you were hot when we were in high school.

[20:15] I was kind of hoping to bone you.

[20:17] But, I've been hanging out with this other chick I'm a little closer to.

[20:21] Like, they didn't do anything like that.

[20:22] Which is what I would have put.

[20:23] Yeah.

[20:24] And, I mean, really, to tell you the truth, he's kind of, like, his character was kind

[20:27] of a dick anyway.

[20:28] So, I don't really care if he found true love.

S3

[20:31] Well, the movie was written by a 15-year-old.

Stuart Wellington

[20:34] Oh, it's like those books about dragons?

[20:37] Yeah, yeah.

[20:38] Aragon?

[20:39] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[20:39] One of those books about sexy vampires?

Stuart Wellington

[20:42] Those were written by a 15-year-old, too?

Dan McCoy

[20:44] Well, I think there's several series about sexy vampires.

[20:48] But, isn't there one series that is, like, yeah, some teenage, like, woman?

Stuart Wellington

[20:55] I want to read those.

[20:56] I hope.

Dan McCoy

[20:57] The thing is, like, any series of books about sexy vampires I hope were written by a teenage

[21:02] girl.

[21:02] Because if you're older than a teen and you're not a girl, you shouldn't be writing books about

[21:08] sexy vampires.

Stuart Wellington

[21:10] Says you.

[21:11] Do you think there's already, do you think there's any jumper slash fiction on the internet

[21:16] yet?

Dan McCoy

[21:17] With Hayden Christensen and Billy Elliot screwing each other in jumper space?

[21:22] That would be gash fiction, dude.

[21:24] Because that would be homosexual.

[21:26] No, no, no.

[21:26] Slash is homosexual.

[21:30] I thought that was gash.

[21:31] Why the fuck I know this?

[21:32] Yeah, I was wondering about that.

[21:33] Gash would be, like, I've never heard the term gash, but I assume that would be referring

[21:37] to lesbian slash fiction because...

Stuart Wellington

[21:40] That makes way more sense, actually, now that I think about it.

[21:43] Yeah.

[21:44] So if there's, like, a girl jumper and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, they'd be...

[21:48] Cross over?

[21:48] Yeah, they'd be having sex with each other.

Dan McCoy

[21:50] Like, the girl jumper jumps into Sunnydale.

[21:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[21:53] And then a lot of screwing ensues.

[21:55] Guys, come on.

[21:55] While Spike Jacks jacks off.

Dan McCoy

[21:58] I think we're turning metal on.

[21:59] Yeah, please.

[22:00] I'm getting a little hot and bothered.

Stuart Wellington

[22:01] So do you already think there's some of that jumper slash fiction out there?

Dan McCoy

[22:05] Oh, I think, no.

[22:06] I have the same lonely 15-year-old or 14-year-old girl.

[22:10] She's writing...

[22:11] She's writing the erotic vampire fiction.

Stuart Wellington

[22:13] She's probably up there writing...

[22:15] Yeah.

[22:16] Some hot stories about jumping.

[22:19] Yeah, I'm going to check that out on the internet tonight.

[22:21] Maybe, hopefully, there will be some good picks, some good drawings.

[22:25] Yeah.

[22:25] I like weird drawings.

Dan McCoy

[22:29] So, Dan, what do you think?

[22:32] Well, I want to...

[22:33] Before we get into the final judgments on this movie, I just want to say something about the

[22:38] climax.

[22:39] The climax is totally weird to this movie.

[22:42] Because...

[22:42] How so?

[22:43] Well, there's a big fight between Jumping McJumperson and...

[22:48] That's our main character.

[22:49] ...Sam Jackson.

[22:51] And, basically, it just ends with him jumping Samuel L. Jackson into the middle of the Grand

[22:59] Canyon and being like, see?

[23:02] I told you that all jumpers aren't evil.

[23:05] Even though, like we said, he's basically a serial bank robber.

[23:09] Yeah.

[23:09] And then he jumps away.

[23:10] And Sam Jackson gives this, like...

[23:12] Oh, that sassy jumper look.

Stuart Wellington

[23:15] I think he shakes his head and maybe does a little clap.

Dan McCoy

[23:18] And I don't know if we should believe that he's like, well, he proved his point.

[23:24] I'm going to give up my quest.

Stuart Wellington

[23:26] No, it's more of a, here we go again.

Dan McCoy

[23:29] Yeah.

[23:29] And it's sort of like, again, I sort of sympathize more with Samuel L. Jackson.

[23:34] Yeah.

[23:35] And if we really wanted Hayden Christensen to be our hero at some point, Sam Jackson would

[23:42] have had to, like, try and actually murder someone, maybe?

[23:45] Yeah.

[23:46] He has, he did murder people.

[23:47] He did.

[23:47] Oh, yeah.

[23:48] He did murder one of those other jumpers.

[23:49] But that other jumper, as far as we know, that other jumper was a killer.

[23:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:53] He could have been a serial killer.

S3

[23:54] Sure.

[23:55] He looked kind of rough.

[23:56] I'd like to think so.

Stuart Wellington

[23:57] That was the thing.

[23:57] Like, he really, he kept playing, Samuel L. Jackson's character kept playing on the

[24:02] idea that, like, only God should have the power to jump places and stuff.

[24:07] But do you think that when he was, like, ditched off in a cave somewhere in the

[24:11] Grand Canyon with, like, no way to get out of there, do you think there was at least

[24:15] even a moment where he's like, dude, I wish some jumper came over and helped me out of

[24:19] this jam.

[24:20] I ain't waiting around.

[24:22] Like, do you ever think of that?

[24:23] Like, I think with those people, like, the bad guys, when they realize that somebody could

[24:26] jump, I wonder if they're like, man, I hate waiting for this fucking subway train.

[24:32] I wish I could have been, like, a jumper and jumped to where I want to go.

Dan McCoy

[24:35] Sure.

[24:35] Jumpers, they've got a lot of extra time in their day.

[24:38] I think so.

[24:39] I mean, I've got, like, a fucking, like, one hour commute both ways to work.

[24:43] Not jumpers.

[24:44] I could jump there.

S3

[24:45] No.

[24:46] They know about mutual funds.

[24:48] They research things.

[24:50] They just have a lot of time.

[24:51] They know a lot about different things.

Dan McCoy

[24:52] Do you think it's like Groundhog Day?

[24:54] You're saying that they use their extra time to better themselves?

[24:56] Like, they just learn about things?

[24:58] I'd like to think so.

Stuart Wellington

[24:59] I don't even think they have normal jobs, though.

[25:01] No?

[25:01] At least the two jumpers we saw in the movie don't have normal jobs.

[25:04] They just bank rob.

Dan McCoy

[25:05] Well, here's the thing.

[25:06] Also, we're to believe that Hayden Christensen is a better jumper because he leaves IOUs when

[25:12] he robs banks.

[25:13] But I don't know how he's supposed to pay this money back.

[25:15] Because as far as we can tell, he's just outright spending the money he steals.

[25:19] It's not like he's like, all right, I'm going to steal this money, then I'm going to

[25:22] invest it in something high yield.

[25:24] So I'll have the money to then pay back the bank.

Stuart Wellington

[25:27] He doesn't start up like Jumper Industries or anything.

[25:29] No.

[25:30] No.

[25:30] Okay.

[25:30] He should, though.

[25:31] Maybe that's the sequel.

Dan McCoy

[25:33] That might be the sequel.

[25:34] Well, this movie actually felt like it was really setting up for a sequel.

S3

[25:38] Oh.

[25:38] You know, actually, that's one thought I kept having.

[25:41] It's just like, this is just really lame.

[25:44] And this is just not...

[25:45] I feel like they wanted to catch on.

[25:47] But there's nothing...

[25:49] Who cares?

[25:50] Who cares about jumping?

Dan McCoy

[25:51] What would you like to see in the Jumper sequel?

[25:53] Yeah, that's a good question.

S3

[25:55] I'd like to see more introspection and a lot less jumping.

[25:59] In fact, I'd appreciate it if there's no jumping.

Dan McCoy

[26:02] You'd be like, my dinner with Jumper.

[26:04] That's what you want to see.

[26:05] Pretty much.

[26:06] Just like...

[26:07] You want more introspection like...

[26:09] All the show I was talking to Hayden Christensen.

[26:11] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[26:12] Exactly.

[26:13] Introspection like the Ang Lee version of the Hulk movie where he's like...

[26:16] Exactly.

[26:17] Most of the time he's just like, oh, what happened in my past?

[26:20] Why am I a Hulk?

[26:24] Exactly.

[26:24] And looking at a mirror and stuff.

[26:25] Yeah, that'd be pretty cool.

[26:27] Jumper 2.

[26:28] The thing I totally want is I want a fat sidekick jumper who uses his powers to jump into girls'

[26:36] locker rooms to see naked ladies a la The Invisible Maniac.

Dan McCoy

[26:40] No, this really cries out to be a 1980s TNA comedy.

[26:45] Like a Up All Night style.

S3

[26:48] With Dom DeLuise?

[26:49] I mean...

[26:50] Wait a minute.

[26:51] No, Dom DeLuise.

Dan McCoy

[26:53] I figured he could have a place in it.

[26:54] He could have a race around the world.

[26:56] Maybe Dom DeLuise could be in the outtakes at the end.

[26:59] Alright, just as long as he's somewhere.

[27:01] Him and Rip Taylor.

Stuart Wellington

[27:04] Whee!

[27:05] That's a buddy movie.

[27:07] Yeah, that'd be really awesome.

[27:10] But then that's the thing.

[27:11] Like, any time there is a superpower in a movie, I'd always like to see that superpower applied

[27:17] to, you know, taking girls' clothes off.

[27:20] So if it's like somebody shoots laser beams out their eyes, use those laser beams to shoot

[27:25] off a girl's dress.

[27:26] Bloop!

[27:27] Yeah.

[27:28] Control magnets, use those magnets to remove a girl's dress.

[27:31] Things like that.

[27:33] So you didn't put forward what you want in the sequel, Dan.

S3

[27:36] Yeah.

[27:37] Or prequel.

[27:39] What there, buddy?

Dan McCoy

[27:42] The animated prequel.

S3

[27:45] The Clone Wars.

Dan McCoy

[27:47] Yeah.

[27:48] Oh, God.

[27:48] What would I see in the sequel?

[27:51] I think that he would just start, like, a jump or chores.

[27:54] Like, um...

[27:55] Okay.

[27:56] There would be a group of maybe five people that he would take around and be like, um, in

[28:01] five seconds, we will be on top of the Sphinx.

[28:05] And here we are.

[28:07] And I don't really know anything about the Sphinx, but we're on top of it right now.

[28:11] And now we are on the Great Wall of China.

[28:16] And it's a long wall.

[28:18] And now we're on the moon.

[28:20] We can't breathe here, so let's keep it moving.

[28:23] It's more of a travelogue than...

[28:25] I'd like to see...

Stuart Wellington

[28:27] I'd like to see an evil alien jumper show up.

[28:31] Who uses his powers for evil.

[28:35] But he's an alien because he's got green skin and big eyes.

S3

[28:38] What if Robin Williams was a jumper?

Stuart Wellington

[28:40] That would be...

[28:41] Hey!

[28:42] That's a question that Doug Liman didn't ask his creative team.

[28:45] Uh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[28:46] There would be a lot of...

[28:48] There'd be a lot more stock characters jumping around.

[28:51] There'd be, like, the flamboyantly gay jumper.

[28:54] Exactly.

[28:55] There'd be, like, sort of, like, a 1970s Black Panther jumper.

[28:59] Right.

[29:00] And, uh...

[29:01] The incredibly old hairy comedian jumper.

[29:06] So, yeah, that was...

[29:06] What we're saying is Robin Williams has a lot of shtick.

Stuart Wellington

[29:09] Yeah.

[29:10] And he's hairy.

[29:11] Yeah.

[29:12] Man, so that was, uh...

[29:13] That was jumper.

[29:14] So, are we ready to...

[29:15] Are we ready to, you know...

[29:17] You know...

[29:18] Write this one off?

Dan McCoy

[29:19] Well, let's give our final judgments.

[29:21] And, uh...

[29:22] For the benefit of Matt and people who may not have listened to a lot of episodes,

[29:27] I'll run down the categories again.

[29:29] Is this a movie that was a bad, bad movie?

[29:33] A movie that you would not recommend for any reason?

[29:35] A movie that was a good, bad movie?

[29:37] A movie that you thought was, uh...

[29:39] Bad in a funny way, in some way?

[29:41] Or a movie that you actually kind of liked?

[29:43] You thought there was something redeeming about it?

[29:46] Um...

[29:46] Without irony.

[29:48] So, uh...

[29:49] Matt, I know that you only saw the last half of it.

[29:52] Based on that, what would you say?

S3

[29:55] I don't think it's the worst movie that I've ever seen.

[29:58] I just want to make that clear.

[30:01] But, uh...

[30:01] I do think it was a bad, bad movie.

[30:04] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:05] Uh...

[30:05] I feel like the ending was really lame.

S3

[30:09] It's just like it wasn't really funny enough.

[30:11] It didn't have, like, any charm to it.

Stuart Wellington

[30:14] There's no joie de vivre.

[30:16] Yeah.

S3

[30:16] There was no...

Stuart Wellington

[30:18] Good French, dude.

S3

[30:19] Exactly.

[30:20] I just didn't find, like, any kind of warmth or humor.

[30:24] I just kind of...

[30:25] You know, I just, like, I didn't know anything about the characters, but I knew that I hated

[30:29] them.

[30:30] Uh...

[30:31] I'll just put it that way.

Stuart Wellington

[30:32] No matter what side in the war they're on.

S3

[30:34] Exactly.

[30:35] I...

[30:36] And I just automatically...

[30:37] Jumpers and paladins.

[30:38] Yeah.

[30:39] I automatically took the side of Samuel L. Jackson.

[30:42] And he was the bad guy.

Stuart Wellington

[30:44] And that's...

[30:44] That was a bad move.

[30:45] Because he ended up losing, I think.

[30:48] No, I know.

[30:48] So if you put money on him, you'd be out.

[30:51] Well...

[30:51] You'd be out money.

[30:52] Well, yeah.

S3

[30:53] That's what I'm saying.

[30:54] Yeah.

[30:55] And that's the thing.

[30:56] I just...

[30:56] I ended up coming out the loser in every aspect with this movie.

[31:00] Yeah.

[31:00] Bad, bad movie.

[31:02] That's Matt Coff's vote.

Stuart Wellington

[31:04] Yeah.

[31:04] I mean, I think part of that, like...

[31:07] I think right before you came in, we paused the movie and we were like...

[31:10] You know what we're talking about?

[31:11] I'm like, you know what?

[31:12] This isn't that bad.

[31:13] Like, I think it's okay.

[31:16] I'm kind of getting into it.

[31:17] I'm kind of enjoying it.

[31:19] Like, obviously, I thought the character was annoying.

[31:22] But whatever.

[31:23] Like, it's interesting.

[31:25] And then, yeah.

[31:26] Then the rest of the movie was just kind of overly fast and boring.

[31:30] And, yeah.

[31:31] It just felt like they were like, hey, here's the movie.

[31:34] Okay, okay, okay.

[31:35] Now we're done.

[31:36] Like, there's no real conclusion there.

[31:38] Right.

[31:38] So, what my...

[31:40] I guess I'll have to say it's a bad, bad movie.

[31:43] Because I didn't really enjoy it that much.

Dan McCoy

[31:46] You have to believe that there was a full two-hour cut of Jumper somewhere that just wasn't released.

Stuart Wellington

[31:52] In my dreams and in Lou's sketch pad.

Dan McCoy

[31:56] Well, here's the thing.

[31:57] Like, I agree with our one-time co-host, our guest host, Lou Fernandez, who said that the

[32:05] first 40 minutes of Jumper were pretty entertaining.

[32:09] Because, you know, with all the fun that we've made of the fact that Hayden Christensen's

[32:14] character was completely amoral and was like, you know what I'm going to do with this power

[32:19] is I'm going to rob a bunch of banks.

[32:20] Like, part of me thought that was kind of awesome.

[32:22] Like, oh, yeah.

[32:24] You know what?

[32:25] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:26] That's what you would do, Dan.

[32:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:27] If I had no worries about repercussions, sure.

[32:33] Why not rob a bunch of banks?

[32:35] But then after 40 minutes, after the setup, after showing the premise of like, oh, this

[32:41] guy's a teleporter and let me show you how he discovers that and what he does with it.

[32:46] Then as soon as the conflict comes in, it just becomes, I don't know, completely rote and

[32:53] it doesn't make any sense.

[32:55] And I don't know why these people are after these other people and why I need to root

[32:59] for one group of people over another.

Stuart Wellington

[33:01] And every bit of dialogue is directly tied into a plot point later on in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[33:07] Yeah.

[33:10] Ultimately, again, this is like my Dragon Wars review where I'm just like, if you just watch

[33:15] the parts that are about Dragon Wars, you might enjoy it.

[33:18] If you have like 40 minutes to kill before you're meeting your buddies at the bar or something,

[33:25] like the first 40 minutes of Jumper comes on HBO.

[33:28] Not the last.

[33:29] Yeah.

[33:30] You can even pass time with that.

Stuart Wellington

[33:32] And then as Lou said, then draw the rest.

[33:35] Yeah.

[33:35] Just draw the adventures of Jumper.

[33:37] Imagine what adventures Jumper will have.

[33:39] What sights he will see.

[33:43] So, well, let's put that.

[33:44] Man, there's three bad ones.

[33:46] Three thumbs down for Jumper.

[33:47] Yeah.

[33:48] I think we gave more thumbs up for the Bratz movie.

Dan McCoy

[33:51] Speaking of Lou, I wanted to say he sent me a message about Untraceable that I thought

[33:55] was worth repeating.

[33:57] He was talking about what he wanted to see in Untraceable was, well, he was wondering what

[34:03] the bandwidth cost of having 30,000 come kill with me audience members downloading a streaming

[34:13] video of the murder would cost him.

[34:16] And like, who's funding this killer?

Stuart Wellington

[34:18] Yeah, that costs a lot of money, right?

[34:20] Yeah, man.

[34:21] I don't know the internet very well, but I would imagine that equals dollars.

Dan McCoy

[34:24] And then also, like, if there was another guy sharing the same server, you know, like

[34:28] a guy who's just like, oh, this is my Garfield fanfic site or whatever.

[34:33] Jumper slash fix site.

[34:35] And then the FBI shuts down Kill With Me.

[34:40] And he's just like emailing the guy, like, what were you hosting on your site?

Stuart Wellington

[34:45] Why did the FBI shut it down?

Dan McCoy

[34:48] And I thought that was a good point.

[34:49] Maybe a nerdy point.

[34:50] Maybe a point that only someone who works in sort of an IT field, as Lou does, would come

[34:57] up with.

[34:58] But worthwhile nonetheless.

[35:00] Yeah.

[35:01] So Untraceable wasn't very good, right?

[35:03] No, it wasn't.

[35:03] That was a bad one.

[35:04] But the point is, the point that I'm trying to come up with is my birthday this week, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[35:10] Oh, shit.

[35:11] Oh, I forgot to get you some.

Dan McCoy

[35:13] Oh, my God.

[35:13] What did you get me?

[35:16] What did you get me for my birthday?

Stuart Wellington

[35:18] Your birthday's not today, is it?

Dan McCoy

[35:21] Well, it is in half an hour.

[35:23] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[35:24] Can we stop the podcast for...

[35:26] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[35:27] You got to tell me on the podcast what you got me for my birthday.

Stuart Wellington

[35:31] Okay.

[35:32] I got you a gift certificate to Sephora.

[35:37] I don't know what that is, but it sounds great.

[35:39] That's a perfume store.

[35:40] It's a perfume store.

[35:41] Oh.

[35:42] You can get some concealer.

Dan McCoy

[35:44] I want to get a signature scent.

Stuart Wellington

[35:45] Yeah, you should get a signature scent.

[35:47] Actually.

Dan McCoy

[35:48] I want people to, without seeing me, just smell.

[35:51] Yeah, like a musk.

[35:52] Oh, yeah.

[35:52] It's coming.

Stuart Wellington

[35:53] Yeah, like a pheromone musk.

[35:55] Yeah.

[35:57] Metcalf.

S3

[36:00] Did I get you something?

[36:01] Yeah.

[36:01] Let's have it out of the air.

[36:05] Well, I'm a guy who likes to keep my cards close to my face.

[36:10] So, I'm not going to say.

[36:13] Sure.

[36:14] I may have gotten you something, but I probably didn't.

Dan McCoy

[36:16] You know what I'm going to say?

[36:17] I'm going to say right in front of all 100-something of our podcast listeners.

[36:22] Sure.

[36:22] I don't believe either of you got me anything for my birthday.

[36:26] But I'm going to throw it out.

[36:27] I'm going to throw it out to the podcast people.

[36:29] Okay.

[36:29] I'm going to say, I'm currently accepting gifts from you guys.

Stuart Wellington

[36:33] And I don't want, I'll be frank.

Dan McCoy

[36:35] I don't want you to spend any money on me.

Stuart Wellington

[36:37] I don't want you to spend any money on me, podcast audience.

[36:41] But you need them to.

Dan McCoy

[36:42] No, I don't.

[36:43] Whatever you can send to me via the medium of theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

Stuart Wellington

[36:51] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[36:53] Send it.

[36:53] Like an envelope of chest hair?

Dan McCoy

[36:57] No.

[36:57] Well, you can't send it off over the chest hair over the internet.

[37:01] You can't do that through email.

Stuart Wellington

[37:03] Theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[37:04] Okay.

[37:05] However...

[37:05] What about as an attachment?

Dan McCoy

[37:07] Well, as an attachment, if anyone, if any listener to the Flophouse wants to send me like a poem.

Stuart Wellington

[37:13] Okay.

[37:14] Or a short story.

[37:16] Or you can photograph your chest hair.

Dan McCoy

[37:18] What about a scarf?

[37:20] Yes.

[37:21] Well, if they want to digitize.

[37:22] If they want to scan a scarf.

[37:23] Okay.

[37:24] And send it to me as a JPEG.

[37:26] That would be a lot of help to you.

[37:28] Yeah.

[37:28] Well, I could look at the design and maybe knit my own based on that.

Stuart Wellington

[37:33] Would it turn into a scarf?

[37:34] Like a scarf from the Money for Nothing video by Dire Straits?

[37:38] Like a weird computerized scarf that you can wear around your neck?

Dan McCoy

[37:41] Yes, definitely.

[37:42] I have that power.

[37:44] You just really want a gift.

[37:45] Anything that could be as an attachment.

[37:47] Nude photos.

[37:49] Okay.

[37:50] Nude photos of yourself.

[37:51] Yeah.

[37:51] I can do that.

[37:52] Or others.

[37:53] I encourage you to send...

[37:54] I promise not to post them on the web.

[37:57] But would appreciate them.

Stuart Wellington

[37:59] What if there was an accompanying note that said that you should post them on the web?

Dan McCoy

[38:03] Well, if there was a demand for it...

[38:08] A demand.

[38:08] Okay, sure.

[38:09] Maybe.

[38:10] I think I would have to set up another domain.

[38:12] I don't want to turn the Flophouse podcast.blogspot.com into a porn site, per se.

[38:19] Per se.

[38:20] Sure.

[38:21] I mean, there is a photo of former Flophouse co-host Simon Fisher in a very small bathing

[38:28] suit on the website.

[38:30] Suggestive.

[38:30] Yeah, that was suggestive.

S3

[38:31] What's the URL for that?

[38:33] The Flophouse podcast.

Dan McCoy

[38:35] All right.

[38:37] .blogspot.com.

[38:38] I'm going to check that out.

[38:40] But, yeah, I promise any nude photos will be kept private.

[38:43] Do we forget a part of this thing?

[38:45] Or are we...

[38:46] No, I'm just taking us into uncharted waters.

[38:50] This is a new segment.

[38:52] I'm scared, Dan.

[38:53] This is a new segment called Dan Demands Some Recognition for His Birthday.

[38:58] Okay.

[38:59] So, there you go.

[39:00] So, send attachments.

[39:01] Send attachments of...

[39:03] Not viruses.

[39:04] Please.

[39:04] Oh, sure.

[39:05] Please not viruses.

[39:07] But, yeah.

[39:08] So...

[39:09] It's a shameless demand.

Stuart Wellington

[39:10] Oh, with that out of the way...

[39:12] Yeah, really.

[39:13] God.

[39:14] So, Dan, you like movies, right?

[39:16] You watch movies every once in a while.

[39:17] Sure.

[39:18] Okay.

[39:18] I'm familiar with them.

[39:19] Yeah, we just got done watching a movie you didn't like that much.

Dan McCoy

[39:22] What was that movie called?

Stuart Wellington

[39:23] Jumper.

[39:24] Jumper.

[39:25] I don't recall that.

[39:26] Yeah.

[39:26] It's probably better.

[39:28] But, with that in mind, you know, the movie you didn't just watch.

[39:31] Have you watched any movies lately that you do like?

Dan McCoy

[39:34] I did watch a movie lately that I enjoyed.

[39:36] I watched, actually, several movies lately that I enjoyed.

[39:38] But, I'll keep it to just one.

[39:39] Yeah, keep it short.

[39:40] I watched a film called P2.

[39:43] Okay.

[39:44] Which is short, I believe, for Parking 2.

[39:47] Okay.

[39:48] It's a movie...

Stuart Wellington

[39:49] Well, I'm glad they didn't call it Parking 2 because I wouldn't...

[39:51] It's too long.

[39:53] Two characters.

Dan McCoy

[39:54] Pretty pithy.

[39:55] It was a movie that did not get a lot of good reviews other than Roger Ebert actually gave

[40:01] it a fairly good review and so did the New York Times.

[40:04] But, in general, it got ignored.

[40:06] But, it's a good thriller.

[40:07] It was co-written by Alexandra Aja, who did High Tension.

[40:13] Yeah.

[40:14] And, I believe he produced it as well.

[40:16] And, it stars Rachel Nichols and Wes Bentley, who you may remember as the guy who videotaped

[40:24] the plastic bag in American Beauty.

[40:26] And, it's a movie about a workaholic who, on Christmas Eve, she gets locked, basically,

[40:35] in the parking garage of her building and is terrorized by the parking attendant who is

[40:41] obsessed with her and in love with her.

Stuart Wellington

[40:43] It's kind of like the Scrooge story, right?

[40:45] It's exactly like...

Dan McCoy

[40:46] It's also like the best Christmas pageant ever.

[40:50] It's the same thing.

[40:51] Oh, no kidding.

[40:52] Basically, it's that story.

[40:53] Aside from the fact that it has Rachel Nichols in a slip throughout a Muslim movie and she's

[41:00] an attractive...

[41:01] What's a slip?

[41:03] It's an under thing.

Stuart Wellington

[41:04] It's like a nightgown?

Dan McCoy

[41:05] It's a nightgown.

[41:06] It's a thing that women wear underneath...

[41:09] Beneath their outer clothes sometimes.

[41:11] Okay.

[41:12] I'll check this out.

[41:13] You're not familiar with this concept.

[41:15] No, I'm not.

[41:16] But, I liked it because one thing about it is it is sort of past, like, the Die Hard test

[41:20] where...

[41:21] You know, one of the good things about Die Hard is Bruce Willis' character doesn't try

[41:26] and take out the terrorists until all the other sort of avenues are closed to him.

[41:32] And this movie does a good, like, thriller construction job of saying, like, basically there's nothing

[41:38] else that she can do.

[41:38] She has to deal with this guy.

[41:41] And this is why she's trapped.

[41:43] And it all makes sense.

[41:45] But also, like another B movie that I enjoyed, Red Eye.

[41:51] Not a great movie, but, like, a really solid B movie.

[41:54] It has a female protagonist who's, like, this, like, super competent, like, woman executive

[42:00] who does everything right.

[42:02] And that makes the thriller that much better because you're never like, why is this character

[42:08] doing this thing that doesn't make any sense?

[42:10] You know, like, she does everything that you think someone should do in that situation

[42:14] and still, like, the screws are turned on her.

[42:18] Yeah, I just felt...

Stuart Wellington

[42:19] And Red Eye just felt bad for the bad guy, like...

[42:21] Yeah?

[42:22] Kelly Murphy?

[42:22] Because he just kept getting his ass kicked.

[42:24] Yeah.

[42:24] Like, from, like, five minutes in, like, it's just bad for him.

[42:28] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[42:29] That was kind of funny, though.

[42:30] That's, like, another Wes creator.

[42:32] That's, like, what I liked about the original Scream was just, like, how the killer in that

[42:38] movie just kept sort of getting, like, knocked on his ass.

[42:42] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[42:43] CGI plants hit him in the crotch and stuff.

Dan McCoy

[42:45] Sure.

[42:46] I think.

[42:46] He swung from vines through the jungle.

Stuart Wellington

[42:50] Sure.

[42:52] So, Matt, have you seen any good movies lately?

S3

[42:55] Well, my Netflix queue has been taken up the past few months by one big movie.

[43:02] Well, not really a movie.

[43:03] A documentary.

[43:05] The New York documentary by Rick Burns.

[43:08] Okay.

[43:09] And I enjoy it a lot.

[43:11] I just got through the part about Robert Moses and his Title I project, how they kind of

[43:17] ripped through New York building, you know, tearing down slums and displacing people from

[43:23] communities.

[43:24] It's kind of a downer, actually.

[43:28] But, yeah, no, it was very interesting.

[43:30] And now the next disc is going to be about September 11th.

[43:35] Which is that they actually did.

[43:37] The main documentary was done in 1999.

[43:40] They did the eighth part after that.

[43:45] So.

[43:45] It makes me sad.

[43:47] Remember 9-11?

[43:48] Yeah.

[43:50] Yeah.

[43:51] Apparently they show bodies.

[43:55] What?

[43:57] Falling.

[43:58] Anyway, I don't know.

[43:59] I realized halfway through that description I didn't have anything funny.

Dan McCoy

[44:03] I didn't have the concept of a recommendation.

S3

[44:04] No, no.

[44:05] But, I mean, it's really interesting.

Dan McCoy

[44:07] I really like this documentary.

[44:09] It's not by Ken Burns.

S3

[44:10] It's by Rick Burns, who I think is his brother or something.

Stuart Wellington

[44:13] Yeah.

[44:14] My only experience.

[44:15] It's by Rico Kasich.

[44:17] Yeah, yeah.

[44:18] In the cars.

[44:18] My only real experience with September 11th is like the comic book cover of Captain America

[44:27] crying silhouetted above the two towers.

[44:30] Yeah, yeah.

[44:31] Like burning or something.

[44:32] It was really moving.

[44:34] That's how I remember it.

S3

[44:36] Wasn't Dr. Doom crying, too?

Stuart Wellington

[44:40] Probably.

[44:40] I mean, if I was Dr. Doom, I would cry.

S3

[44:43] My friend Dave Fox has a good bit about that.

[44:48] He's like, yeah, Dr. Doom was crying in this September 11th comic.

[44:54] And he's like, you're Dr. Doom.

[44:57] Your aim is to kill everyone.

[44:58] Why are you?

Stuart Wellington

[45:00] But maybe he had some friends in the Latvian embassy in the World Trade Center.

[45:05] That's probably what happened.

[45:07] I can't imagine.

[45:07] I'm a Latvian.

[45:08] Latvian.

[45:09] Latvian is an actual.

[45:11] Latvian is an actual.

[45:12] Latvian is not.

[45:14] Wait, didn't Ultron.

[45:16] I don't want to talk about it.

Dan McCoy

[45:16] Why don't you just recommend something rather than alienating the audience?

[45:20] Yeah, really?

Stuart Wellington

[45:21] Jesus.

[45:22] I want to recommend the movie Stuck.

[45:26] It's the most recent Stuart Gordon movie, director of Re-Animator.

[45:30] It's currently in theaters, and it is about a guy who recently becomes homeless, played by Stephen Rea.

[45:40] Stephen Rea.

[45:41] Rea, yeah, whatever.

[45:43] And he gets hit by Mina Suvari's car.

[45:46] Mina Suvari, who has very nice braids in the movie.

[45:51] Cornrows.

[45:52] Thank you.

[45:52] Cornrows.

[45:53] And she hits him with her car, and he gets stuck in her windshield, and she gets scared,

[45:58] so she parks her car in her garage and leaves him there pretty much to die.

[46:03] And that's when the fun begins.

[46:05] Whoa.

[46:07] Yay.

[46:07] But it's like all Stuart Gordon movies, it's really good at making you feel uncomfortable

[46:14] about the gore and the violence, and it's also kind of funny.

[46:19] It's darkly humorous.

[46:22] Yeah, so it's good.

[46:23] I totally recommend it.

[46:24] Hooray.

Dan McCoy

[46:25] Yeah.

[46:26] Woo.

[46:27] So, well, that's, I guess, you know, I want to, before we go, I want to say that people-

[46:34] It's your birthday again.

[46:35] You wanted to bring that up?

S3

[46:35] Yeah.

[46:36] Oh, it's 15 minutes?

[46:38] Yeah.

[46:39] 15 minutes till your birthday.

Dan McCoy

[46:40] Because I actually don't want to bring it up.

S3

[46:42] Oh, okay.

[46:43] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[46:43] Because I'm aging.

[46:45] Sure.

S3

[46:45] We all are.

[46:46] We're all aging, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[46:47] Yeah, but I only care about myself, Matt.

[46:49] That's right.

[46:50] You don't understand about me.

[46:51] All right.

[46:52] But what I did want to say is that-

[46:53] You're like a jumper.

[46:54] Yeah.

[46:54] I wish I could jump back.

Stuart Wellington

[46:57] They can't do that in the movie.

[46:59] They can just jump through space.

[47:01] So what did you want to talk about, dude?

Dan McCoy

[47:03] I did want to say that people should go to theflophousepodcast.blogspot.com.

[47:09] And they should-

[47:11] I put up a video version of one of the previous movie minutes.

[47:17] You can also see Elliot in another appearance on The Daily Show.

[47:21] So there's always interesting things to see on the website.

[47:25] And if you have anything else you want to say to us, not just gifts from me, you can send

[47:30] it to theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[47:34] And maybe we'll answer any questions or concerns on the show.

Stuart Wellington

[47:38] We probably will, dude.

Dan McCoy

[47:40] Yeah.

[47:40] We've got a lot of time to fill.

Stuart Wellington

[47:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:43] So I just want to say thank you to Matt for coming in unexpectedly.

[47:49] You know, like we called him like an hour before he showed up to come in and see the last

[47:55] half of a movie.

[47:56] That wasn't very good.

[47:58] And talk about it.

[47:59] Hooray, Matt!

[48:00] Thank you for taking that in stride.

S3

[48:01] Oh, by the way, I had a question for you.

[48:03] Where did you get the name for this podcast?

Dan McCoy

[48:07] That's true.

[48:08] Matt Coff is responsible for the name of this podcast.

[48:11] What?

[48:12] Jumper?

[48:13] Yes.

[48:14] This podcast is called Jumper.

[48:17] No, the Flophouse.

[48:18] He came up with the title of the Flophouse.

[48:20] That's right.

[48:21] Good job.

[48:21] This guy over here.

Stuart Wellington

[48:22] This Flophouse that we're in right now.

[48:24] So if you wanted to...

[48:25] So you get some of our profits?

Dan McCoy

[48:27] If you wanted to put a voice with the name, you've done it tonight.

[48:33] So for the Flophouse, I want to say I'm Dan McCoy.

[48:37] I'm Stuart Wellington.

S3

[48:39] I'm guest host Matt Coff.

Stuart Wellington

[48:42] Good night, everybody.

[48:44] Bye.

[48:45] Oh, yay.

[48:47] So didn't Ultron kill everybody in Latveria or something?

S3

[48:56] I'll put mine over here.

[48:58] Yeah, let's get started.

[48:59] Dan's looking tired.

[49:00] Yeah, Dan is looking tired.

[49:02] Dan's looking 30.

Stuart Wellington

[49:04] Oh my god.

[49:06] Almost 30.

S3

[49:07] Almost 30.

[49:08] What's it feel like?

[49:08] Does it burn?

[49:09] I think that's what the podcast should be about because I have nothing to say about Jumper.

Stuart Wellington

[49:13] Do your bones creak when you move?

[49:16] Shut the fuck up.

The Flop House: Episode #20 - Jumper

Transcript

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