The Flop House: Episode #27 - 27 Dresses

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we explore our feminine side with the romantic comedy 27 Dresses.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] And I'm Elliot Kalin, but look who's back!

[0:39] Yeah, it's me, I'm back.

[0:40] I'm glad you identified yourself, Stuart, because I thought that we were doing the show with Josh Brolin tonight.

Stuart Wellington

[0:46] Why would that be, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[0:47] Maybe it's because of the awesome mustache that you grew in the two weeks since we saw you.

Stuart Wellington

[0:53] So, Josh Brolin, not like Sam Elliot?

[0:56] No, it's more of a Josh Brolin mustache.

[0:58] Yeah, Josh Brolin.

[0:58] But not...

[1:00] What if...

Elliott Kalan

[1:00] I'll go as far as Charles Bronson.

[1:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03] But not Sam Elliot.

[1:04] No.

Dan McCoy

[1:04] Okay, what do I need to do to be more Sam Elliot?

[1:07] It's not bushy enough.

[1:08] It's a little dark.

[1:09] Okay.

[1:10] It needs to...

[1:11] It also, it ends basically at your upper lip.

[1:14] Okay.

[1:15] And the Sam Elliot mustache would go down further.

[1:17] Yeah, almost over your whole mouth.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18] Okay.

[1:19] How does he eat?

[1:21] Does he not eat?

[1:21] Sloppily.

[1:22] Yeah.

[1:23] I like to think that he gave up eating.

[1:26] Let's see, because I like to think...

[1:26] He is rail thin.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27] I like to think that he eats and then he has a little bowl of water and that's his mustache

[1:31] bath.

[1:32] And he dips his mustache in it to get the crumbs out of it.

[1:35] It's like a finger bowl.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35] Yeah, exactly.

[1:37] Well, audience...

[1:37] It's called a mustachier or something.

Dan McCoy

[1:40] I know that...

[1:40] This is an audio podcast.

[1:42] This is highly unorthodox.

[1:44] However, we will post a picture of Stuart's mustache on the blog, which is theflophousepodcast.blogspot.com.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51] And why don't you...

[1:52] Wait a minute.

[1:53] I didn't agree to that.

[1:54] What?

[1:54] That was my mustache talking, by the way.

[1:56] That was me.

[1:56] Your mustache has to sign a waiver.

Dan McCoy

[1:58] And I would ask you, the listeners, to write in, maybe, and say which celebrity you think

[2:03] Stuart looks like with his mustache.

Stuart Wellington

[2:06] And if you say John Goodman with a mustache, I may give you a high five.

Dan McCoy

[2:09] Yeah.

[2:10] And that's theflophousepodcast.blogspot.com.

[2:12] We really should be vlogging this.

[2:14] Yeah.

[2:15] Mustaches aside, maybe we're talking about mustaches.

Elliott Kalan

[2:18] Speaking of mustaches...

[2:20] No, it doesn't work at all.

[2:21] Here's a movie with none of them.

Dan McCoy

[2:23] Yeah.

[2:23] Well, I was going to say...

[2:24] Yeah, there aren't any.

[2:25] This is a...

[2:25] It's a clean-shaven world.

[2:26] This is about as far away as a mustache as you can get.

[2:29] Because it is a...

[2:31] Let's be indelicate.

[2:32] Let's say chick flick.

[2:33] We watched a chick flick.

Elliott Kalan

[2:34] A rom-com?

[2:35] Yeah.

[2:35] I was going to say a feminine hygiene film.

Dan McCoy

[2:39] Yeah.

[2:40] In what sense?

[2:41] It's not an industrial film.

[2:42] It's a wheel in a Super 8 projector.

[2:45] Oh, yeah.

[2:45] That's right.

Stuart Wellington

[2:46] You know, we felt that we...

[2:48] We just watched it on a normal TV, Dan.

[2:50] It was a DVD.

[2:51] Thanks.

Dan McCoy

[2:52] Thanks for clarifying that.

[2:53] It's cool.

[2:54] Don't worry about it.

[2:55] We felt that as three guys, and as three guys who...

[2:59] Real men's men, right?

[3:01] Yeah.

[3:01] Rugged types.

Elliott Kalan

[3:02] Macho.

[3:02] Tough.

[3:03] Machismo.

[3:04] A lot of machismo in the room right now.

Dan McCoy

[3:06] I was going to go with sort of nerdy guys, but sure.

Elliott Kalan

[3:10] I own a Leatherman knife set.

[3:11] I don't know.

[3:12] I already have a mustache.

Dan McCoy

[3:13] I think we covered that already.

[3:15] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[3:15] Maybe just me.

[3:16] I do have a special kind of kick that has a name for fights.

[3:21] So...

[3:21] What's the name?

[3:21] It's a straight-legged kick right up into the crotch of the other person.

[3:24] It's called a liberator.

[3:25] All right.

Stuart Wellington

[3:26] And I actually named it that in a dream.

Elliott Kalan

[3:29] I had a dream where me and a friend of mine, my friend Brendan, were in a fight with two

[3:33] guys, and we paired off.

[3:36] You take that guy.

[3:36] I'll take this one.

[3:37] Sure.

[3:37] And I go, how about a taste of the liberator?

[3:40] And like in Trainspotting, the way that Robert Carlyle does.

Dan McCoy

[3:43] Are you liberating his nuts from him?

[3:46] Do you shout Excelsior when you do it?

Elliott Kalan

[3:48] I shout something about liberator.

[3:50] But that's...

[3:51] But it was...

[3:52] I woke up almost immediately after that and I said, that is the purest thing I've ever

[3:56] thought of because it came to me in a dream.

Dan McCoy

[3:58] Well, awesome dream aside.

[4:01] I wanted to say that.

[4:02] It's like Salvador Dali, yeah.

[4:03] As three real men's men, we usually watch the manly genres.

[4:08] Yeah, stuff with blood in it.

[4:09] Your thrillers, your horror films, your thriller horror films, your sci-fi thrillers.

Stuart Wellington

[4:15] Yeah.

[4:16] Like Next.

Dan McCoy

[4:17] Yeah.

[4:18] But this time...

[4:20] Or the half an inch.

[4:21] We decided...

[4:22] This time we decided to cast a wider net and watch what you ladies watch, or so Lifetime

[4:28] has led me to believe.

[4:29] Mm-hmm.

[4:29] And that is 27 Dresses.

[4:31] Starting Catherine Heigel.

[4:33] That's how you pronounce that?

[4:34] I just pronounced...

[4:35] Catherine?

[4:36] Hard Jesus.

[4:37] Catherine Heigel.

Elliott Kalan

[4:37] Clatherin Heigel.

[4:39] Okay.

[4:39] I'm tired.

[4:41] Cyclops was in this too, right?

[4:42] Yeah.

[4:42] Well, that was what made it a little easier for me to watch because every time it got to

[4:46] a scene with James Marsden, I just imagined that at any moment Professor X was going to call

[4:50] him away to go on a mission.

[4:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:52] He was wearing contacts or something, so his eye beam...

[4:54] Ruby Quartz contacts.

[4:56] It's just like...

[4:56] There was a...

Elliott Kalan

[4:57] I was reading something a long time ago when...

Stuart Wellington

[5:00] X-Men comics.

[5:00] That's what you were reading.

[5:01] Yeah, yeah.

[5:02] No.

[5:02] It's something when...

[5:03] I'm kidding X-Men, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[5:04] What was the movie with Hugh Jackman and Ashley Judd that was based on the novel Animal

[5:07] Husbandry?

[5:08] I think you're thinking of X-Men.

[5:10] No.

[5:10] But there was...

Dan McCoy

[5:11] Was that the one where he goes back in time or forward?

Elliott Kalan

[5:13] No.

[5:13] That was Kate and Leopold with Meg Ryan.

[5:15] I got it.

[5:15] This was...

[5:16] It was where someone had written up a thing...

[5:18] Oh, the Prestige is with...

[5:19] Van Helsing?

[5:20] No, it wasn't Van Helsing.

[5:22] Someone had written up a thing on the internet where it was...

[5:24] X-Men 2?

[5:25] Logan was playing this character.

[5:27] Right.

[5:27] And he was saying, I was having trouble because I kept thinking, pop your claws, Logan, that'll

[5:30] impress her.

[5:31] Yeah.

[5:31] I don't remember whose blog I read that on, though.

Dan McCoy

[5:33] Sounds like a funny blog.

[5:34] Yeah.

[5:35] But so you're saying that you imagined that it was Cyclops.

[5:38] No, but let's pretend.

Elliott Kalan

[5:39] Okay.

[5:40] But I kept imagining that he was playing the role...

[5:42] He was playing Scott Slim Summers, Cyclops.

Dan McCoy

[5:44] True.

[5:45] And Flophouse's favorite, charisma suck Edward Burns, was also in this film.

Elliott Kalan

[5:51] The graveliest voice of his generation.

[5:53] Yeah.

[5:54] And not much else.

[5:54] So interesting.

[5:55] I want to do something with him and Harvey Fierstein called Meet the Gravels.

[5:59] Nice.

[6:00] And yeah, he was very boring.

[6:03] And also, what's her name?

[6:04] Judy Greer.

[6:05] Judy Greer.

[6:05] Sure.

[6:06] Very funny actress.

[6:07] Pam Greer's daughter.

Dan McCoy

[6:07] No.

[6:08] No.

[6:09] No.

[6:09] Wrong again.

[6:11] Kitty from Arrested Development.

[6:12] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:12] And the romantic interest in The Hebrew Hammer.

Dan McCoy

[6:15] Yeah.

[6:16] And Melora Hardin.

[6:19] Who's in three scenes.

[6:20] Jan Levinson Gould from The Office is awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[6:22] And who played Katherine Heigl's sister?

Dan McCoy

[6:24] Yeah.

[6:25] Malene Ackerman, who was in the bad Goodbye Girl remake, the Peter and Bobby Fairley remake.

[6:34] Of the Goodbye Girl?

[6:35] Goodbye Girl's with Richard Dreyfuss, isn't it?

[6:38] No.

[6:38] What am I thinking of?

[6:40] Edit this out.

Elliott Kalan

[6:41] Oh, I know.

[6:44] It's on the tip of my tongue.

[6:45] Hold on.

[6:46] Hold on.

[6:47] Hold on.

[6:47] Oh, no.

[6:48] It's close.

[6:49] Close.

[6:50] Oh, Sorrow and the Pity.

[6:51] No.

[6:52] No.

[6:53] M.

[6:53] No.

[6:54] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[6:56] Sallow.

Stuart Wellington

[6:56] Kevin and Dr. Caligari.

Elliott Kalan

[6:58] Oh, oh.

[6:59] The, maybe it was The Goodbye Girl.

[7:01] No, no.

[7:02] You're right.

[7:02] That's the Neil Simon play.

[7:03] But it's the one with Ben Stiller you're talking about.

[7:05] Yeah.

[7:05] What was that?

[7:06] The Heartbreak Kid.

[7:06] Heartbreak Kid.

[7:07] That's the remake of The Heartbreak Kid.

Dan McCoy

[7:09] Remake of The Heartbreak Kid.

[7:10] Oh, okay.

[7:11] Now I know who you're talking about.

[7:12] Ouch.

[7:12] And, uh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[7:14] That one came Polly.

[7:15] Ooh, just broke my heart.

[7:16] No, that was, wasn't that Jennifer Aniston?

Stuart Wellington

[7:18] It was.

[7:19] There's a ferret in that movie.

Elliott Kalan

[7:21] Okay.

[7:22] There's a ferret in Kindergarten Cop, too.

[7:24] I don't know why you brought that one up.

Dan McCoy

[7:25] I don't like you calling Philip Seymour Hoffman a ferret.

Elliott Kalan

[7:28] No.

[7:29] Boop.

Dan McCoy

[7:30] Synecdoche, New York.

[7:31] Theater near you.

[7:32] So, to talk about this movie.

[7:34] It's a movie about a woman who was so besotted with weddings.

[7:38] She loves weddings.

[7:39] That she cannot turn down the opportunity or the obligation to be in one.

[7:43] So, she has 27 bridesmaids dresses.

Elliott Kalan

[7:46] And here's where I thought the movie should have been called Wedaholic.

[7:49] Yeah.

[7:49] And I said this.

Stuart Wellington

[7:50] Yeah.

[7:50] I mean, going into this movie, I don't know about you guys, but like movie trailers and

[7:54] like TV.

[7:55] Whenever you say, this is what I miss.

Elliott Kalan

[7:56] Whenever you say, I don't know about you guys, and then you say the craziest thing in the

[8:00] world.

Stuart Wellington

[8:00] I don't know about you guys, but some, I can't think of it.

[8:04] Anyway, you're saying.

[8:05] TV and like movie trailers and stuff have really led me to believe that women are fucking

[8:11] apeshit about getting married.

[8:13] Huh.

[8:13] Yeah.

[8:14] Like when they.

Elliott Kalan

[8:14] They become, you might even call them bridezillas.

Stuart Wellington

[8:17] Yeah, that's, I think that's a term.

[8:18] Like, that's like a phrase, right?

[8:20] No, I made it up just now.

[8:21] Okay.

[8:22] That's, that's pretty clever.

[8:23] Yeah.

[8:23] I'm not good.

[8:24] So.

Dan McCoy

[8:25] In Japan, they say bridezillas.

Stuart Wellington

[8:27] Okay.

[8:27] And they run screaming.

[8:29] Yeah.

[8:29] From kimono clad, crazy brides.

[8:32] Here's one of the things.

Dan McCoy

[8:33] Before Godzilla was made in America, they called them bridekongs.

[8:37] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[8:37] Here's, here's something real brief.

[8:40] She has 27 dresses and they're supposed to be, because bridesmaid dresses are ugly.

[8:44] So, they're supposed to be really ugly, stupid dresses.

[8:46] Terrible.

[8:46] And one of them is a kimono.

[8:48] And then they show a brief, like, 30 second flashback of her at this wedding.

[8:52] And everyone else in the wedding is an Asian woman.

[8:54] Uh-huh.

[8:55] And it's like, well, you can't really say the kimono is a crazy bridesmaid dress if it's

[8:59] a Japanese wedding.

[9:00] Well, dude, if you.

Dan McCoy

[9:01] Other cultures are crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[9:03] Yeah.

[9:03] But if we, if one of us was Japanese, we would see this and be like, oh my god, that kimono's

[9:09] hideous.

[9:09] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:10] Maybe that's true.

[9:11] Maybe it was, maybe it was a very ugly kimono to the discerning eye.

[9:14] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[9:14] I gotta say, here's my problem.

[9:16] It's starting off.

Elliott Kalan

[9:17] I was gonna make a Scarlett Johansson's butt joke for Lost in Translation, but it's not

[9:20] worth it.

Stuart Wellington

[9:21] It's a top, top panty shot.

[9:23] It just, it just beat out Howard the Duck.

[9:25] We're really showing our.

[9:26] If somebody ever told me that that was a stunt butt, I'd be really mad.

Dan McCoy

[9:30] On this, uh, women's episode of the Flophouse.

[9:32] Listen, whatever.

[9:34] Anyway, you're saying.

[9:34] The panty shot in Howard the Duck's awesome.

[9:36] Sure.

[9:37] I don't, all I remember about that movie is when Leah Thompson pulls the duck condom out

[9:42] of Howard's wallet and she's like, oh, Howard.

[9:45] Like, like, oh, you rascal.

[9:47] You rascal duck.

[9:49] I just.

[9:49] It's not even wrapped, right?

[9:49] Always having sex with.

[9:51] It's not even wrapped.

Stuart Wellington

[9:52] It's like, it's like out, right?

[9:54] It's loose or something?

[9:55] Yeah, loose condom.

[9:56] It's kind of weird.

[9:57] It's kind of weird.

Elliott Kalan

[9:57] They can reuse them in the duck verse.

[9:59] I didn't know that.

[10:00] Yeah.

[10:01] Uh.

[10:01] Do you read that in a book?

[10:02] I made it up.

[10:03] Uh, I remember my favorite part of that movie, which is when they're in the diner and the

[10:07] possessed Jeffrey Jones scientist is talking about the end of the world and the dark ones

[10:11] and it just cuts to Howard and Leah Thompson going, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[10:16] Like, yeah, there he goes again with the dark gods.

[10:19] It was like a very funny moment to me because they've never heard this before, but they're

Dan McCoy

[10:23] acting as if they hear it all the time.

[10:25] By the way, for people who have never seen Howard the Duck or haven't seen it in years,

[10:28] uh, Tim Robbins is in that movie, everyone.

[10:30] Yeah, he is.

[10:31] He is.

[10:31] That's good for you.

[10:32] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[10:32] But, um.

[10:33] I like him.

Dan McCoy

[10:33] He's, he was good in Mystic River.

[10:35] Yeah.

[10:35] I walked by him recently.

[10:36] He's better when he's tall.

[10:38] He's tall.

[10:38] He is very tall.

[10:39] But anyway, back to the movie.

[10:41] Back to the movie.

[10:42] Conceptually.

[10:43] Tim Robbins.

Dan McCoy

[10:43] Shawshank Redemption.

[10:45] Amazing movie.

[10:46] Even like a title level, like 27 Dresses, uh, bothers me a little bit.

[10:51] I mean, 27, like, all right.

[10:52] I know, I like titles with numbers in them.

[10:54] No, that's fine.

[10:55] But I'm saying like, I'm a well-liked guy.

[10:57] Eight millimeter.

[10:57] Relative.

[10:58] Ooh.

[10:59] Ooh.

[10:59] Eight millimeter.

[11:00] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[11:00] Well, that's a bad movie with the number of the title.

Dan McCoy

[11:03] I have been a best man precisely once in my life.

[11:06] Okay.

[11:07] And then for my brothers, I have two brothers.

[11:10] And I think I was a groomsman in one of them.

[11:12] And I think in the other, I was just an usher.

[11:14] Wow.

[11:15] So, for a woman to be a bridesmaid.

[11:18] That burns.

[11:18] 27 times.

Elliott Kalan

[11:20] She's not always the head bridesmaid.

[11:21] It's also that.

[11:22] No, she's not the maid of honor.

[11:23] Yeah, but she's still in 27 weddings.

[11:25] But she also goes out of her way to help the brides organize their weddings.

Dan McCoy

[11:29] But I don't even know like 27 people well enough who would invite me to their weddings.

Elliott Kalan

[11:34] No, but you're not a woman.

[11:35] They make a lot of friends.

[11:37] They live in elaborate networks of female companionship.

Stuart Wellington

[11:39] I think you're making a good point.

[11:40] Like, nothing about this character and the rest of the movie would lead me to believe that

[11:44] she actually makes friends.

[11:46] Yeah.

[11:46] Yeah, that's true.

Dan McCoy

[11:47] Plus, why can't it just be like 13 dresses?

[11:49] That's still an absurd number, but a believably absurd one.

[11:52] And you got the whole unlucky 13 thing going on.

[11:54] That's pretty good, I guess.

[11:55] 27 rolls off the tongue, though.

[11:57] Yeah.

[11:58] Think about that.

[11:59] It is a hilarious number.

[12:00] It's impossibly hard.

[12:01] It's the funniest number.

[12:02] It's been scientifically proven.

[12:04] Mathematically proven.

[12:05] It's like the name Chuck.

Elliott Kalan

[12:06] James Brolin does bring up a good point, which is that you never get the feeling from

[12:10] Katherine Heigl.

[12:11] James Brolin.

[12:12] Wow.

[12:12] His age is a lot.

[12:13] Oh, God.

Stuart Wellington

[12:15] I look like an old bulldog.

[12:18] What was it like being married to Barbara Streisand?

[12:20] Oh, yeah.

[12:20] The average is awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[12:22] They say Chuck Brolin.

[12:24] Whatever.

[12:24] They're all Brolins.

[12:25] Sure.

[12:26] No, that's good.

[12:26] Anyway, Charles Bronson over there was saying that Katherine Heigl's character, Jane,

[12:32] is she has these friends that she's bridesmaids with, but you never see them outside of those

[12:36] wedding scenes.

[12:37] And her character has no social life and no life whatsoever.

[12:41] And she's not very nice.

[12:42] And she's not very nice.

[12:43] She's an unsympathetic character in almost every way.

Stuart Wellington

[12:46] Well, let me very quickly...

[12:47] She starts drinking, like every girl.

[12:49] Once she gets a couple drinks in her, she's way more fun.

Dan McCoy

[12:52] Let me very quickly sum up the basic premise.

[12:54] We'll talk about that later, though.

[12:56] Just rattle it off quick.

[12:57] Oh, yeah.

[12:57] We didn't do the...

[12:58] Katherine Heigl works for Edward Burns.

[13:01] She's totally in love with him, but she's never...

[13:02] Understandable.

[13:02] She has a big crush.

[13:04] Never said anything.

[13:05] She's always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

[13:08] Go!

[13:08] Her sister, Malina Ackerman, comes into town.

[13:13] And immediately, of course, Edward Burns falls for her.

[13:15] Of course.

[13:16] And they're romancing each other.

[13:19] They're going to get married.

[13:20] Meanwhile, there's James Marsden, who sees Katherine Heigl at this wedding.

Elliott Kalan

[13:25] Who writes the wedding pages for the New York Journal.

Dan McCoy

[13:29] The famous New York newspaper, the New York Journal.

Elliott Kalan

[13:32] Which uses the same fonts and design layout as the New York Times.

[13:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[13:36] I think the Times would sue them for that.

Stuart Wellington

[13:38] And it's a liberal newspaper, right?

[13:40] Oh, yeah.

[13:40] I'm sure it was in the tank for Obama.

[13:41] I gather that from the information they explain from the commitment section.

Elliott Kalan

[13:44] It was in the tank for Obama and weddings.

Dan McCoy

[13:46] But the point is, he writes the commitment section.

[13:49] Which is all about weddings.

[13:50] And he gets, you know, he's got a real...

[13:52] He hates weddings.

Elliott Kalan

[13:53] He hates weddings.

[13:54] But he has to go to all of them.

[13:55] Yeah.

[13:55] And he notices Katherine Heigl being at two weddings in the same day.

Dan McCoy

[13:59] He's got a real nose for news, Elliot.

[14:01] Yes, he does.

[14:02] He's like McGruff the news dog.

Stuart Wellington

[14:03] Was his family killed at a wedding or something?

[14:06] What's the story there?

Elliott Kalan

[14:07] No, he explains as they're registering for gifts for another wedding.

[14:11] He got married and then his wife left him or his wife left him at the wedding.

[14:15] It's not really explained that clearly.

Stuart Wellington

[14:16] Oh, right.

[14:16] That was the scene where Katherine Heigl's character won the legendary double bingo.

[14:21] Yes.

[14:22] No, no.

[14:22] I'm guessing it, right?

Elliott Kalan

[14:23] Yeah.

[14:23] That was she won double bingo and they registered for a gold pig statue.

Dan McCoy

[14:27] Katherine Heigl does not know that he's just doing a feature story on her.

[14:30] This is the crazy...

Elliott Kalan

[14:31] He wants to do a feature tell-all on how corrupt the wedding industry is.

Dan McCoy

[14:36] No, it's a human interest story about this woman.

Elliott Kalan

[14:39] But his whole point is to show that the wedding industry is destroying lives.

[14:42] I see.

Dan McCoy

[14:43] But the point is, she doesn't know that she's just a story to him.

[14:46] Meanwhile...

[14:47] All the while, he's falling for her.

Elliott Kalan

[14:49] And as we said...

[14:50] You can tell that he's going to fall for her because he's the only other male character

[14:53] in the movie who's not her dad.

Dan McCoy

[14:55] Yeah.

[14:55] And we were talking about this, Elliot.

[14:57] We were talking about how this would seem ridiculously contrived in a movie made today.

[15:01] Such as 27 Dresses.

[15:03] Yeah.

[15:03] But if this was the plot of a classic 1930s screwball comedy, we'd be like, oh, this is

[15:07] great.

[15:08] This is...

[15:08] Look at the plotting and the...

Elliott Kalan

[15:10] If Preston Sturgis had written and directed it and Katherine Heigl was played by Jean Arthur

[15:14] and her sister was played by Claudette Colbert and Ed Burns was played by Ray Moland and James Marsden...

[15:20] I think her sister would be Judy Holliday, probably.

[15:23] Okay.

[15:24] I'll give you that.

[15:24] And James Marsden was played by Eddie Bracken.

[15:29] And this was made in the late 30s or like 1941.

[15:33] Then you'd be like, oh, it's brilliant the way that the concepts...

[15:37] Oh, of course, he hates weddings, but he writes for them and she loves weddings.

[15:40] Like, it would be so much easier to take because it would be in this cartoonish 30s world as

[15:45] opposed to...

[15:46] Well, also, there would be clever...

[15:48] Post 9-11 world of today.

[15:49] So, wait.

Dan McCoy

[15:49] There would be clever banter and jokes.

Elliott Kalan

[15:51] Oh, also, it would be a funny, well-written movie with likable characters.

[15:54] Wait, it would be like Who Framed Roger Rabbit or something?

[15:56] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[15:56] Okay.

[15:57] I can put that into context.

Elliott Kalan

[15:59] There you go, yeah.

[16:00] If you like Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

[16:00] That sounds great.

[16:02] So, you're saying there'd be cartoons that interact with those?

[16:04] Yeah, that sounds awesome.

Stuart Wellington

[16:05] Wait, with like modern technology, right?

[16:08] Oh, that sounds awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[16:09] But, uh...

[16:10] Completely...

[16:11] Oh, but anyway, they...

[16:13] Blah, blah, blah, blah.

[16:14] And Ed Burns proposes to Katherine Heigl's sister.

[16:18] Katherine Heigl gets mad.

[16:20] The newspaper article runs the day after she sleeps with James Marsden after a drunken sing-along

[16:26] to Benny and the Jets.

[16:27] She gets mad at him.

[16:28] And everything's set on a rollercoaster ride to people ending up together.

[16:32] And like any Shakespeare play or Greek play, it ends in a wedding.

[16:37] Yeah.

[16:37] Except for many of the Shakespeare plays and Greek plays.

[16:39] Yeah.

[16:39] That don't...

[16:40] That don't end in weddings.

Stuart Wellington

[16:41] Except stuff by Sophocles.

[16:43] That's all.

[16:44] Yeah, his stuff is always pretty grim.

[16:45] Sophocles hated weddings.

Elliott Kalan

[16:47] Much like James Marsden.

[16:48] It's more like an Aristophanes play, except again, poorly written.

[16:52] Nice.

[16:53] But even then, there were a couple moments of...

[16:55] There were a couple genuine jokes in it, but mostly it was not...

[16:57] There was a lack of jokes.

[16:59] Like, there were not a lot of gags in this comedy.

Stuart Wellington

[17:01] There were more boner jokes than Aristophanes play, though, if I recall.

[17:05] Aristophanes had a lot of boner jokes.

[17:07] Boner jokes.

[17:07] Yeah, there's more boner jokes in 27 Dresses.

[17:09] No, no, no.

Dan McCoy

[17:10] Like, have you ever read Lysistrata?

Stuart Wellington

[17:11] Oh, wait, you're right.

[17:12] The whole thing's boner jokes.

Dan McCoy

[17:13] It was all flipped around.

[17:15] Yeah.

[17:16] I had boners on the brain, I guess.

[17:17] Lysistrata is Greek for boner jokes.

[17:19] That's what it means.

Elliott Kalan

[17:20] The Lysistrata is ancient Greek for losing it.

[17:24] And it's about a couple of...

[17:26] Feeling up?

[17:27] ...young Greek teenagers on Springus Bracus, who...

[17:31] I guess that's more Latin, but...

[17:33] That is Latin.

[17:34] The Springophilus Bracophilus.

[17:36] That's what it is.

[17:36] You remember your Latin magnificently.

Dan McCoy

[17:39] Here's the secret to Latin.

[17:40] You're really transporting me by that time.

[17:44] Shelley Long's in it.

[17:45] The main problem with this movie...

[17:46] There are a lot of problems with this movie, but the main problem is that Katherine Heigl,

[17:49] I feel, is a completely unlikable protagonist.

[17:51] Yes.

[17:52] She's trapped in a prison of her own making.

[17:54] She keeps going to these weddings.

Stuart Wellington

[17:55] Now, are you blaming Katherine Heigl, the actress, or Katherine Heigl's character?

[18:00] A little bit of both, because her character...

Elliott Kalan

[18:03] It is a problem of writing, directing, and acting.

Dan McCoy

[18:04] Yeah.

[18:05] Her character complains about being always the bridesmaid, but she also is a complete doormat.

[18:11] And also, she complains about her sister going for this guy, but she never makes it clear

[18:15] to her sister that she likes this guy.

Elliott Kalan

[18:17] All she has to do is say, I've had a crush on him for years, and what you're doing is hurting

[18:21] me.

[18:22] Please.

Dan McCoy

[18:23] And then she allows the sister to stay in her apartment for months on end.

Elliott Kalan

[18:27] Which is awkward, because I have to imagine she and Ed Burns were having incredibly loud

[18:31] sex on the couch.

Stuart Wellington

[18:32] Yeah.

[18:33] Absolutely.

[18:33] In the living room.

[18:34] That's where I would do it if I was the head of Urban Everest, a popular outdoors company.

Elliott Kalan

[18:39] Let's not go back to my apartment.

[18:41] Let's go to my assistant's apartment, which is also your sister, and do it on her couch.

Dan McCoy

[18:45] Mainly because I've always thought about doing somebody on this girl's couch.

[18:48] Yeah.

[18:48] Let's back up a moment.

[18:50] Eddie Burns, he's the...

Elliott Kalan

[18:52] Eddie Burns, because you suddenly became a 70-year-old man from Hollywood.

Dan McCoy

[18:56] Eddie Burns!

[18:57] Back in the day, Eddie Burns was known for having the graveliest voice around.

Stuart Wellington

[19:02] No personality, but a hell of a gravely voice.

[19:04] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[19:05] No, he's the CEO, I guess, of Urban Everest.

[19:08] I assumed he was the founder-owner.

[19:10] Yeah.

[19:10] Who, I guess, is, you know...

[19:12] No, I think he might just be the CFO.

[19:15] I couldn't tell, though.

[19:17] It's a good point.

[19:18] It's a good point.

[19:19] He's a...

[19:20] Maybe he's just the top designer.

Elliott Kalan

[19:21] Urban Everest is some kind of, what, like...

Dan McCoy

[19:22] It's like an urban outfitter store where it's led to believe.

[19:25] He's...

Elliott Kalan

[19:25] Because he says once he likes the outdoors.

Dan McCoy

[19:28] Yeah.

[19:29] But he's like a real, like, green guy, I guess.

[19:32] He's an eco-nut.

[19:34] Yeah.

[19:34] A comet.

[19:36] Yeah.

[19:36] He's one of the planeteers.

Stuart Wellington

[19:38] Yeah.

[19:39] Wait, are those the people who make Captain Planet with those rings?

[19:43] He's an Earth elemental.

[19:44] All those kids, I guess they recombine into Captain Planet.

[19:47] Let's not talk about that.

Elliott Kalan

[19:49] Well, the kids don't turn into Captain Planet.

[19:51] They just bring him out of their rings.

[19:53] Oh.

[19:54] He's not...

[19:54] I always wondered about the one ring.

[19:55] They're not the fucking forever people, Dan.

[19:58] They don't form into one superhero.

[20:00] Jeez, I'm sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[20:00] God damn it.

[20:02] I never understood that one kid's the Brazilian kid's ring, the one that...

[20:05] That's heart?

[20:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:06] We can talk to animals, and he's Brazilian, so he's got that Latin passion, so he can seduce women.

[20:10] Fiery.

[20:11] Yeah.

[20:11] That was the thing.

Dan McCoy

[20:12] They had the four elements, and then they're like, oh, yeah.

[20:14] And they're like, and heart.

[20:15] Yeah.

[20:16] I guess it's a precursor to the fifth element, where the fifth element was love.

Stuart Wellington

[20:20] Yeah.

[20:20] That's true.

[20:21] I think Luke Besson probably kind of cribbed that from Captain Planet.

[20:24] He stole from Captain Planet.

[20:26] Brilliant!

[20:27] Oh!

Elliott Kalan

[20:28] Magnifique!

[20:29] I put it in my movie!

Stuart Wellington

[20:30] Yep, he'll put a dash of Chris Tucker.

Elliott Kalan

[20:32] In my brilliantly designed, poorly plotted movie!

[20:36] Oh!

Dan McCoy

[20:39] Luke Besson is so comically fringe.

Elliott Kalan

[20:41] Yeah, he also wears a black and white striped shirt and a beret.

[20:43] And a red scarf.

[20:44] Red scarf carries a baguette everywhere.

Dan McCoy

[20:46] A bottle of wine.

[20:48] We have a lot to say about 27 Dresses.

[20:51] Obviously.

Elliott Kalan

[20:51] Well, it was, 27 Dresses was what we were kind of afraid it would be, I feel like, like a bland movie.

[20:56] Like, it was very professionally made, but very uninspired.

[21:00] Right.

[21:00] And, you know, the story structure was kind of there, but it was very loose and lackadaisical.

Stuart Wellington

[21:05] Not even a lot of, like, chemistry between any of the characters.

[21:09] No.

[21:09] It was like, let's take a great rom-com example, like Fool's Gold, where you have the chemistry

[21:17] between powerhouses McConaughey and Hudson.

[21:21] This movie just doesn't compare.

Elliott Kalan

[21:22] I will say that James Marsden, who in the X-Men movies is cardboard.

[21:27] In this, I thought it was very likable.

Stuart Wellington

[21:29] Didn't he get turned into particles in the last one?

Elliott Kalan

[21:31] Yeah, in the third one he got killed.

[21:33] That was really weird.

Dan McCoy

[21:34] I saw him in the movie version of Hairspray the Musical based on the original Hairspray movie.

[21:42] And I also saw him in Enchanted.

[21:45] And he was actually really good in both of those movies.

[21:48] And I think that he has a talent for being in airy comedies that he cannot bring to being Cyclops.

Elliott Kalan

[21:55] I think they thought that they were hiring Josh Hartnett when they hired him to play Cyclops.

[22:00] Maybe he's kind of like Brad Pitt maybe then, like that, where he's better at doing sillier roles almost.

[22:08] But because he's a handsome guy, it's like, you're going to be our serious lead.

[22:12] Like James Franco.

[22:13] Well, that's another problem with this movie.

[22:15] Yeah, I guess so.

[22:16] James Franco's good at being like a stoned out slacker or something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[22:20] Yeah, but he was great in the Spider-Man movies when he got wackier as they went on.

[22:26] No, I don't really think that was...

[22:27] Well, it's okay to be wrong sometimes.

[22:30] So, what you were saying...

[22:31] He really blew away that omelet-making scene, so...

Dan McCoy

[22:34] That scene was awesome.

[22:35] From the start, James Marsden's character is clearly much more likable than Edward Burns.

[22:42] And I feel like, you know, at this point in time, for one of these movies to work,

[22:46] there has to be at least a little tension where you're like,

[22:48] I don't know which one of these guys I want her to end up with.

Stuart Wellington

[22:51] Yeah, and that was not...

[22:51] But it's clear that...

[22:52] I hope she gets the financial security of Edward Burns.

Dan McCoy

[22:56] And also, as you pointed out...

Elliott Kalan

[22:58] I mean, dude, that urban Everest is doing great business.

Dan McCoy

[23:02] Also, as you pointed out, Katherine Heigl is at least as good-looking, if not better-looking,

[23:08] than Melina Ackerman.

[23:09] And they make her look like the dowdy one by putting her in a ponytail.

[23:13] Yeah, and she's got great boobs, man.

[23:14] Yeah, you kept...

Stuart Wellington

[23:15] I mentioned it like five times while it was...

[23:16] Well, at least five times.

[23:17] Oh, yeah, minimum.

[23:19] We'll say five times minimum.

[23:20] Even though we all agreed she has a kind of puffy face.

[23:23] Did we?

[23:23] Did we all agree?

[23:24] It's just an awkwardly...

[23:25] I don't know if we agreed to it, but I thought I saw it like agreement in your eyes.

[23:30] You know, while we were watching the movie.

[23:31] You could tell I really wanted to agree.

Elliott Kalan

[23:33] She has a very round face, but not round in like a Christina Ricci way.

[23:38] Yeah.

[23:38] Which is very cute.

[23:39] More round in kind of like a...

[23:41] Eh, well, you know, you're pretty enough, I guess.

[23:43] Yeah.

[23:43] You'll do.

[23:45] That'll do pig.

[23:46] That kind of thing, you know.

[23:47] Sure.

[23:48] Ouch.

[23:49] Catty.

[23:49] Anyway, but that's...

[23:51] I'm not really a Katherine Heigl type, you know, so...

Dan McCoy

[23:54] We'd like to point out, for those who are wondering, there is a montage of the film...

[23:59] Of her trying on the dresses?

[24:00] Every one of those 27 dresses.

Elliott Kalan

[24:02] Well, that's the money shot of the movie.

[24:04] Like, you had to have that scene.

Stuart Wellington

[24:06] That was how the movie was pitched.

[24:07] I thought the money shot was the final shot where they show all the women who had weddings

[24:13] that she had to go to and buy these dresses, and she makes these women wear those dresses.

[24:17] Which I don't understand, because didn't she throw...

[24:19] Did she throw them out at some point?

[24:20] And then the other thing is, like...

[24:21] Well, I assume that...

[24:22] Well, that's a good point.

[24:23] I would also assume they didn't actually have bridesmaids' dress from their own wedding,

[24:26] because they were wearing fucking wedding dresses, right?

Elliott Kalan

[24:28] Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

Stuart Wellington

[24:29] But, um...

[24:30] But, like, that's...

[24:31] To me, that's the money shot.

Elliott Kalan

[24:32] That's money shot number two.

[24:33] Like, the dress...

[24:34] Two money shots?

[24:34] The dress trying on montage is dollars, and then the ending is cents.

[24:38] Oh, okay.

[24:39] Two money shots.

[24:40] A lot of stamina in this movie.

[24:42] So, Stuart, if you were a lady...

Dan McCoy

[24:44] Okay.

[24:45] Give me a second.

[24:46] Okay, good.

[24:47] Would this give you warm romantic feelings and maybe turn you on just a little bit?

[24:53] Um, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[24:55] Yeah?

[24:55] Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty easy, though.

[24:57] I had some drinks.

Dan McCoy

[24:59] So, what you're saying is you're a really dumb lady.

[25:01] Wow.

[25:02] Wow.

[25:03] That is an incredible value judgment.

[25:06] That is very harsh.

[25:07] I don't know if I'd say really dumb.

Stuart Wellington

[25:10] I'm easy.

[25:11] That's the thing.

[25:11] Like, I'm not...

[25:12] Sure.

[25:12] Like, I don't go see 27 Dresses because I want, like, a fucking, like, romance to last

[25:17] the ages or anything.

[25:18] No, you just want something you can see with your girlfriends.

[25:20] This is a movie...

[25:20] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[25:20] I feel like this is a movie where it's, like, it's raining, you're not in a great mood,

[25:24] you're wearing sweatpants, maybe you're just in your pajamas still.

[25:27] Yeah, wow.

[25:27] And, like, you get...

[25:28] Wow.

[25:28] Who's trotting out the female stereotypes now?

[25:31] And you take out a pint of Haagen-Dazs.

[25:33] Yeah.

[25:34] And, you know, this is...

[25:34] Maybe I'm on the rag.

[25:36] Wow.

[25:36] Okay.

[25:37] That was a little much, but this is...

Dan McCoy

[25:39] So, now it's a competition to alienate our female audience.

Stuart Wellington

[25:41] But it isn't even...

[25:42] Well, sometimes...

[25:43] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[25:43] It isn't even, like, this is even, like, comfort food or, like, anything like that.

[25:47] It's just, like, a, you know, a past-the-time...

[25:50] Sure.

[25:50] ...pleasant movie for a woman to watch.

Stuart Wellington

[25:52] Yeah, you get out a heating pad and put it on your tummy.

Elliott Kalan

[25:56] To boil away the baby.

[25:58] To be inside.

Stuart Wellington

[26:00] Now, I'm not even to blame at this point.

[26:02] Elliot's making it worse.

Elliott Kalan

[26:04] But, like, the same way that I would, like...

[26:05] That I would throw on, like, Westworld, I guess.

[26:07] Which is not an amazing movie, but...

[26:09] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[26:09] I just watched that recently.

[26:10] It's really good.

Elliott Kalan

[26:11] It is really good, but it's like...

[26:12] I guess Westworld isn't the right choice.

Stuart Wellington

[26:14] It's like Jurassic Park for people who are cool.

Elliott Kalan

[26:16] Yeah, maybe like Jurassic Park.

[26:18] Like, it's a lazy day.

[26:20] I'm in my pajamas.

[26:21] I'm eating cereal out of the box.

Stuart Wellington

[26:23] For me, it's The Running Man.

Elliott Kalan

[26:24] Like, I just want to watch a movie with dinosaurs in it.

Stuart Wellington

[26:26] The Running Man is my...

[26:27] If it's on TV, I'll watch it no matter what rule.

[26:30] Like, I'll have to call in sick to work.

[26:33] You've gone through a lot of jobs.

[26:34] Running Man's on.

[26:35] I got it.

Elliott Kalan

[26:35] It's a good thing that...

[26:36] Shawshank Redemption isn't that one.

[26:38] Because you would never get to a day of work.

[26:40] Absolutely.

Dan McCoy

[26:40] Like, oh, holy shit.

Stuart Wellington

[26:41] It's being played back to back.

[26:43] Better go buy another box of Kleenex.

[26:45] Because I'm going to be crying a lot.

[26:47] And another box of fucking dogs.

[26:49] The old man kills himself.

[26:51] He's been so institutionalized.

[26:52] That's the scene that does it for you.

Elliott Kalan

[26:53] That makes you cry, huh?

[26:54] Yep.

[26:55] Because that's like halfway through the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[26:56] That's the thing.

[26:57] Like, after...

[26:58] I don't even know what happens the rest of the movie.

[27:00] It's a fucking valentine.

[27:01] You assume that's the end of it.

[27:02] Yeah, I mean, it's...

[27:03] Yeah, I can't see it.

Dan McCoy

[27:04] It's a sad story about a man who's been failed by the penal system.

[27:08] Yeah, absolutely.

[27:08] That's it.

Elliott Kalan

[27:09] But yeah, the same way we would watch like an action movie or something.

[27:12] Sure, like Running Man.

[27:13] Yeah, like Running Man or like Commando.

[27:15] Or like, oh, Commando's on!

[27:17] Yeah, like...

[27:18] Oh, 27 Dresses is on!

[27:20] I guess I'll sit around and watch it.

[27:21] Like, it's a League of Their Own almost.

[27:23] Level movie that way.

[27:24] Yeah.

[27:24] Like, the League of Their Own was, I think, a movie that made no one cry or feel an emotion.

[27:29] But if it's on TV, like...

Dan McCoy

[27:30] I would watch that movie if it was on, but for other reasons.

[27:33] Like, I thought that both Gina Davis and Laura...

[27:35] You have a big Lori Petty crush.

[27:37] I thought she was awfully cute in that movie, and then she disappeared.

[27:40] She was in that sitcom.

[27:41] She fell off the world.

Elliott Kalan

[27:42] She made Tank Girl, and then she was in that sitcom, and then she disappeared.

Dan McCoy

[27:45] Mm-hmm.

[27:46] Lori Petty, if you're out there,

[27:48] please send us an email.

[27:49] We just want to know you're okay.

[27:51] And Tom Petty, just keep up the good work.

Elliott Kalan

[27:54] You're doing a great job on King of the Hill.

Stuart Wellington

[27:57] Well, good story about 27 Dresses.

[27:59] So, like, yeah, it's kind of weird.

[28:02] Like, none of the female characters...

[28:03] Like, her sister isn't that likable either.

Elliott Kalan

[28:05] Her sister's very unlikable, but she's supposed to be kind of unlikable.

Stuart Wellington

[28:08] Which is kind of weird, because Edward Burns' character doesn't really have a personality or anything,

[28:14] but you're meant to believe that he's desirable.

[28:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:18] Well, no one...

[28:18] Like, this is a movie that was written, directed, and stars women,

[28:22] and, like, none of the characters are any better well-rounded or emotionally realistic than in a different movie.

[28:29] Like, the women are not very likable, the men are not very likable.

[28:32] The only likable characters are friend, right?

Dan McCoy

[28:34] Played by the...

[28:35] Judy Greer.

[28:36] Yeah.

[28:36] You'd expect, like...

[28:36] Who I would like much better in the lead role.

[28:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:39] You'd expect, like, a woman's touch of some sort in the movie to make it more realistic,

[28:42] but instead the woman's touch seemed to be like,

[28:44] these are the kinds of dresses you wear at weddings.

Dan McCoy

[28:46] Well, also, this movie, like, the big moment of her standing up for herself

[28:51] is making a speech at, I guess, the rehearsal dinner for the wedding,

[28:56] pointing out that her sister has lied about a bunch of things to this guy.

[29:01] However, the things that she's lied about are things like...

[29:03] Oh, I love animals.

[29:04] You know, loving animals or hiking.

Elliott Kalan

[29:07] Oh, I don't eat fatty food anymore.

[29:09] And then she goes to her eating, like, a plate of ribs.

Dan McCoy

[29:11] But I want to say one last thing.

[29:12] I mean, that...

[29:13] Wait a minute.

[29:13] One last thing.

[29:14] Yeah, we're not done.

[29:15] No, I'm just saying about the reveal of the deception.

[29:18] Oh, the deception.

[29:19] Oh, right, right, right, right.

[29:20] To me, it felt like the happening, where, like, the big reveal is that

[29:23] Zooey Deschanel went out with a co-worker to have dessert.

[29:27] Like, it's the same level of betrayal, I feel like.

Elliott Kalan

[29:31] Yeah, it was very...

[29:32] Like, oh, I guess the wedding's off.

[29:34] You need to know the...

[29:35] It's like if my girlfriend doesn't like fish.

[29:38] She doesn't eat fish.

[29:39] It's like if we got engaged and then right before we got married...

[29:42] Ban fish?

[29:42] No, well, I don't like the ban fish.

[29:44] The food.

[29:44] She doesn't eat the ban...

[29:45] She doesn't eat the food fish.

[29:47] Oh.

[29:47] Like seafood.

[29:48] Like the meat?

[29:48] She doesn't like seafood.

[29:49] She also doesn't eat the ban fish.

[29:50] Yeah.

[29:51] But it's like if before the wedding...

Stuart Wellington

[29:53] We have something else to talk about for this podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[29:56] Yo.

[29:56] If before the wedding her sister showed a slideshow with pictures of her eating fish

[30:01] and was like, actually, she loves seafood.

[30:03] I wouldn't be like, oh, my God.

[30:06] Who is this woman?

[30:07] I'd be like, oh, really?

[30:08] Okay.

[30:09] We should have fish at the wedding then.

Dan McCoy

[30:10] However, you would break up with her if you saw her rocking out at a fish concert.

[30:15] I would fucking dump her.

[30:16] Yep.

[30:16] You'd throw your glass of crystal in her face?

Elliott Kalan

[30:19] Yeah, because I'm Jay-Z.

[30:22] So I'd throw crystal in her face.

Stuart Wellington

[30:24] Except your fucking pre-wedding...

[30:27] Wait.

[30:28] Rehearsal dinner.

[30:29] Rehearsal dinner, yeah.

[30:30] You'll have crystal there, right?

[30:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:32] I don't think so.

[30:33] Okay.

[30:33] And for my rehearsal dinner, we're actually going to be...

[30:35] We're a big time TV.

[30:36] We're going to be rehearsing scenes from Death of a Salesman.

[30:39] Nice.

[30:39] Oh, by the time I get married, I'm going to be running television.

[30:41] You'll be the king of television.

[30:42] I'll be the king of television.

[30:44] And I'll decide who lives and who dies.

[30:46] Gary Unmarried, you're dead.

[30:48] Oh, man.

[30:48] Bones, I'll let you live.

Stuart Wellington

[30:50] But now...

[30:52] Bones, with the guy from Angel.

Elliott Kalan

[30:53] Numbers, I like your moxie.

[30:55] You spelled your name with a number in it.

[30:57] I'll let you stay, too.

Dan McCoy

[30:58] That was like my old sketch.

[31:01] It was like the show Letters.

[31:03] The letters were spelled with a schwa.

[31:05] And he solved crimes with his knowledge of grammar.

Elliott Kalan

[31:08] That's Ghostwriter, basically.

[31:09] That's the PBS children's series Ghostwriter.

[31:12] God damn it.

[31:13] A group of kids and an alien that can read and write things and travel through computers

[31:17] that helps them solve crimes.

Stuart Wellington

[31:19] Wait, there's a fucking alien?

[31:20] Yeah.

[31:21] I want to watch this shit.

[31:22] Is this anything like that show Early Edition on the PAX network?

[31:25] No.

[31:26] The Alien...

[31:26] The early edition was a network show.

Elliott Kalan

[31:28] That shit was awesome, dude.

[31:30] That's when we get to the newspaper a day ahead of time.

[31:32] How do I sign up for that?

[31:34] That's a great service.

Stuart Wellington

[31:36] It's a great service.

[31:36] It's really expensive.

Elliott Kalan

[31:37] Right now I just have the Weekender, but I'd love to have...

Stuart Wellington

[31:40] Yeah, the problem being, of course, that you feel compelled to stop crimes and...

Elliott Kalan

[31:44] What was the Oliver Platt show where he was a crusading newspaper reporter?

Stuart Wellington

[31:49] Deadline, I think.

[31:50] Maybe it was Deadline.

[31:52] Kolchak the Night Stalker?

[31:53] No.

Elliott Kalan

[31:54] That was a completely different character and actor and premise.

[31:57] That was Darren McGavin.

[31:58] Darren McGavin, and he was a...

[32:00] The father from A Christmas Story.

[32:01] He was a private eye fighting monsters.

Dan McCoy

[32:03] So the question is, do we actually have anything more to say about 27 Dresses?

Elliott Kalan

[32:07] It was very mediocre, but I feel good about us getting out of our comfort zone.

[32:12] Yeah.

[32:12] We could have watched, like, Saw 4, and instead we watched 27 Dresses.

Stuart Wellington

[32:16] Yeah, you know, I actually, like, had a good time watching this.

[32:19] I mean, you know, we're not at value judgments or anything yet.

Dan McCoy

[32:21] Well, no, let's do that right now.

[32:23] But compared to...

[32:24] Oh, well, okay.

[32:25] I'll save it.

[32:26] I'll save it then.

[32:26] Let's do the final judgments.

[32:28] Okay.

[32:28] About whether this is a good, bad movie.

[32:31] Stern Taskmaster Dan McCoy.

[32:32] A bad, bad movie.

[32:34] Or a movie you kind of liked.

[32:36] Well, I just didn't...

[32:37] Like, if we're going to talk about it, we should put it in its own section.

[32:39] That's all I'm saying.

Elliott Kalan

[32:40] Sex-tion?

[32:41] You know...

[32:41] Because it's a girl?

[32:43] God.

Stuart Wellington

[32:43] You know, maybe it's like the weather, but, you know, or...

[32:48] You can't stop 27 Dresses.

[32:50] Or is it the Coors Light I drank while I watched the feature, but...

Dan McCoy

[32:55] I thought you were saying the movie was like the weather.

Stuart Wellington

[32:56] No, you know, like, I'll give it a good, bad movie.

[33:00] I had a good time watching it.

[33:02] It was weird.

Dan McCoy

[33:03] I have a real hard time, actually.

[33:05] I feel like this falls outside of our categories.

[33:08] Yeah.

[33:08] Because it wasn't actually a good movie in any way.

[33:13] No, that's true.

[33:14] I wouldn't say it's a bad movie because it moved along at, like, a good clip.

[33:18] It was confident.

[33:19] It wasn't a horrendous movie.

[33:20] It was easier to watch than so much that we watch.

[33:22] But it was not bad in any funny way, either.

[33:25] Like, I feel like...

[33:26] It wasn't like the Bratz movie or something.

[33:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:28] I never would have guessed that the Bratz movie would be our gold standard.

Stuart Wellington

[33:32] Or I know who killed me.

Dan McCoy

[33:34] I mean, I feel like I had fun watching it, but only because I was with you guys.

[33:38] So...

[33:38] Yeah.

[33:38] I'd rate that.

[33:39] Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Stuart Wellington

[33:40] Let's put it into this kind of context.

[33:43] You go see this movie with your girl.

[33:45] Right, guys?

[33:46] You know what I'm talking about.

[33:47] Your best girl?

[33:48] Yeah.

[33:49] You have to take...

[33:49] The one you're steady with.

[33:52] So you take your squeeze out to a movie and you're going to watch a movie.

[33:57] What do you think?

[33:57] Is 27 Dresses one you put your little Walkman earbuds in and listen to the game on?

Dan McCoy

[34:05] Or do you actually watch the...

[34:07] Said by a man who doesn't watch sports, I guess.

[34:10] Or has used technology in the last 10 years.

[34:13] You know, listen to the latest sporting event.

[34:15] Get your transistor radio.

[34:17] Yeah, your hand radio.

[34:17] Listen to the Brooklyn Dodgers.

Elliott Kalan

[34:20] Play the Hoboken Zephyrs.

Dan McCoy

[34:22] Well, I think this movie came out in February, maybe.

[34:26] But only because there'd be nothing else in the theater.

Elliott Kalan

[34:28] Oh, okay.

[34:29] This is what...

[34:30] If I went with my girlfriend, then I would not...

[34:34] I wouldn't be my first choice, but I wouldn't be like...

[34:36] Oh!

[34:37] Oh!

[34:37] Painful!

[34:38] It wasn't like when my mom once showed me Bridget Jones' Diary, which I found abominable.

Stuart Wellington

[34:44] Yeah, I had to go see how Stella got her groove back in the theater.

Dan McCoy

[34:48] Wait, you're putting this above Bridget Jones' Diary?

[34:50] Oh, certainly.

Elliott Kalan

[34:51] That was horrifying.

[34:53] That was...

[34:53] Like, this was, like, pleasantly fake, and that was really...

Dan McCoy

[34:56] But that had, like, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth in it.

[34:58] Two fine comic actors.

Elliott Kalan

[35:00] Yeah, they both made bad movies before.

[35:01] All right.

[35:02] Oh, but I did go on two movie dates with my girlfriend this weekend, and we saw Quantum of

[35:07] Solace and Frost Nixon.

[35:08] So, you know what?

[35:09] I don't have to see...

[35:10] Wait, Frost Nixon's out?

Dan McCoy

[35:11] No, we saw a screen.

[35:11] Wait, are you telling me that ladies can like good movies that aren't about weddings or romance?

Elliott Kalan

[35:17] I guess what I'm saying is anybody can like any movie, and we shouldn't judge people

[35:21] by their gender.

[35:22] Surely not.

[35:22] Well, yes.

[35:24] That's the secret surprise message of this episode of The Flophouse.

[35:27] What the fuck?

[35:27] Go forth.

[35:28] And this is coming from a guy who...

Stuart Wellington

[35:30] Whoa, did you just tell me to spread it?

[35:33] Yeah, that's weird.

[35:33] What the fuck, dude?

Elliott Kalan

[35:36] This is a very...

[35:37] We're there here, dude.

[35:38] A very surprise ending of Flophouse if it ends in an anal rape, I guess.

[35:42] I didn't say...

[35:43] Jesus Christ.

[35:43] I didn't say spread them.

[35:45] Elliot, help me out here.

[35:47] Listen, I...

[35:47] Yeah, I don't want to be involved.

[35:49] It won't fucking stop him, at least.

[35:52] God damn it, man.

[35:53] I'm very surprised.

[35:55] Or even that that's...

[35:55] Not even get him, but spread him.

Stuart Wellington

[35:58] He didn't say...

[35:59] He said spread it.

[36:01] He said spread, which is worse.

[36:02] Spread it.

[36:03] Oh my God, dude.

[36:05] Jesus.

[36:06] That's horrific.

[36:07] Oh man.

[36:07] Well, forget what I was going to say.

[36:09] Spread the word.

Elliott Kalan

[36:10] There goes my morals.

[36:11] There goes my moral for the episode.

[36:13] I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Stuart Wellington

[36:16] Oh God, I got to take a shower.

Elliott Kalan

[36:18] Anyway, but the same way that, you know, guys can like musicals too.

[36:21] There's no hard and fast rule here.

[36:23] Gay guys especially.

[36:24] So yeah, I think we all agree.

[36:25] Jesus, what was a homophobia first?

[36:26] But me also.

Stuart Wellington

[36:27] So I think we're all in agreement this was a great movie.

[36:30] So moving on.

Elliott Kalan

[36:33] Man, I'll tell you one thing.

[36:34] I don't know if it's because you're here or because 88 Minutes was depressing, but this

[36:40] is so much more fun than when we watched 88 Minutes.

Stuart Wellington

[36:42] So, hey, we're going to talk about movies we saw recently you want to recommend, right?

[36:48] Yeah, let's do it, man.

[36:49] Okay, guys.

[36:50] Totally.

[36:50] The movie I like to recommend stars a certain creature of the night, and it's going to be

[36:57] coming your way soon.

[36:58] It's called Twilight.

[36:59] And let me tell you right now.

Elliott Kalan

[37:01] You're recommending a movie you haven't seen.

Stuart Wellington

[37:02] I haven't seen, but I saw the trailers.

[37:06] And let me tell you, those vampires are hot.

[37:12] They're all underage.

[37:13] The dudes.

[37:15] Those dudes aren't underage.

[37:16] Oh, my God, they are.

[37:17] I believe so.

[37:18] Oh, Jesus.

[37:19] I think they're all like 16, 17.

[37:20] Oh, my God.

[37:22] Okay, well.

Dan McCoy

[37:24] You're going to have to revise all your gay vampire fantasies.

Stuart Wellington

[37:29] Can I recommend something else then?

[37:30] Sure.

[37:31] Please.

[37:31] Okay.

[37:31] Then I'll recommend a different vampire movie.

[37:34] It's called Let the Right One In.

[37:36] It's Swedish, I think.

[37:38] Oh, I want to see that.

[37:39] I saw it about a week ago, and it is totally awesome, aside from a couple weird CGI bits,

[37:46] but it's basically about a lonely little kid who is bullied and befriends this strange

[37:52] girl that just moved in next door to him who happens to be a vampire.

[37:57] Spoiler alert.

[37:58] Well, yeah, I mean, like, she's got blood on her face on the poster, dude.

[38:02] I mean.

[38:03] Maybe she fell down.

[38:04] Yep.

[38:05] Maybe I punched her in the face.

[38:07] It happens.

[38:09] But, yeah, it's totally awesome.

[38:11] If you like awesome horror movies or, like, if you like vampire movies at all.

[38:15] Or things that are awesome.

[38:16] Well, if you like vampire movies that basically are good and are somewhat character-driven,

[38:21] yeah, it was really good.

[38:22] Totally good.

[38:23] Awesome movie.

Dan McCoy

[38:24] I want to recommend, and this is very appropriate to the theme of the night, Rachel getting married.

[38:30] It's a...

[38:31] Why?

[38:31] I don't get it, man.

[38:33] It's about a wedding.

Elliott Kalan

[38:34] Oh!

Dan McCoy

[38:35] You know, everything that I've said...

Elliott Kalan

[38:37] Are you tearing up thinking about Rachel getting married?

Dan McCoy

[38:39] I might be a little bit, man.

[38:40] That movie, that movie, I...

[38:42] It made me cry.

[38:43] Everything that I've said tonight notwithstanding, I'm a fan of weddings.

[38:47] I love going to weddings.

[38:49] And what this movie accomplishes, and, you know, all the critics have said this, but what

[38:54] this movie accomplishes is make you feel like you've been to this wedding, and, you know,

[38:59] you're introduced to these characters, not as characters in a movie, but as you know,

[39:03] as you would naturally sort of get to know people that you don't know over the course

[39:07] of an event like that.

[39:09] And it's beautiful, and it's a great Jonathan Demme movie.

[39:11] I like Jonathan Demme most of the time, and this is certainly one of his, I think, one

[39:15] of his best movies.

[39:17] And it stars your buddy, Anne Hathaway.

Elliott Kalan

[39:20] Yeah, my buddy, who I don't even know that well.

Dan McCoy

[39:23] Well, but you know her better than we know her.

[39:26] I guess so.

[39:26] Hey, tell her how Elliot went to school with Anne Hathaway.

[39:29] She was...

Elliott Kalan

[39:29] She went to the same high school as me.

[39:31] She was a year behind me.

[39:32] My mom and her parents are friendly, but I never really knew her that well.

[39:36] It's exciting.

[39:37] Tell her what's up.

[39:38] I think she's on the show this week, actually.

[39:40] Our show?

[39:40] Are you going to...

[39:41] No, on the daily show.

[39:43] Not on the Flophouse.

[39:44] Are you going to say...

[39:44] Do you know her well enough to say hi?

Dan McCoy

[39:47] No, I don't think so.

[39:48] She's not going to recognize you if you say hi to her?

Elliott Kalan

[39:50] I don't think she would, and I would have nothing to say to her.

[39:52] You should get your yearbook signed.

[39:53] Yeah, I'll get my yearbook signed by her.

[39:55] The yearbook I didn't buy because I hated high school.

Dan McCoy

[39:57] Oh, man.

[39:58] Like, somehow you forgot to sign this, Ms. Hathaway.

[40:02] I have a spot set out for you right there.

Elliott Kalan

[40:04] Sign it to eBay customer.

Dan McCoy

[40:08] If you could subtly insinuate that we were involved somehow while we were in school...

Elliott Kalan

[40:12] And also, wait, let me...

[40:13] That would be...

[40:14] It's weird to make...

[40:16] The kind of jokes that I was making about Katherine Heigl and her...

[40:20] You know, and like you were saying...

[40:21] We were making boob jokes before the recording because we're dudes, whatever.

[40:26] Yeah, she's got a really nice boob.

[40:27] We are what we are.

[40:28] It is weird for me to make those kinds of jokes about Annie Hathaway because just of knowing

[40:34] her family...

[40:34] You're BFFs.

[40:35] Her family.

[40:35] All right, well...

[40:36] No, not BFFs.

[40:38] I make jokes about my friend's boobs all the time, you know, whatever.

Stuart Wellington

[40:40] Oh, so you're like just BFFs.

[40:44] I don't think B goes into it.

Dan McCoy

[40:46] I've avoided bringing this up before, but since it came up organically...

[40:50] Now, we've had a discussion before about how, like, you know, Anne Hathaway has been topless

[40:56] in a couple of her roles, and you were saying how, like, you were like, oh, I feel like

[40:59] I need to look away during those scenes because you've known her...

[41:03] Madness.

[41:04] ...semi-personally in life.

[41:05] Kind.

Elliott Kalan

[41:06] Well, it's just kind of like having seen her...

[41:08] Because I have not seen her in person since high school, so it's like I think of her as

[41:13] someone I see in the halls in high school.

[41:15] Right.

[41:16] Now, here's what I have to say about that.

[41:17] Of course, when I was a high school student, there was almost no girl that I walked by that

[41:20] I didn't want to see.

[41:21] Right.

[41:21] Well, here's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[41:22] Here's what I want to say about that.

[41:23] Very gentlemanly of you.

[41:25] However, it blows my mind because, like, if I went to high school with a woman who was

[41:31] then topless in a movie, I would want to see that movie all the more.

[41:34] I want to see her naked all the more.

[41:35] People I didn't even care about seeing naked in high school, I would want to see naked in

[41:40] a movie just out of curiosity.

[41:41] Isn't that the premise of the new...

[41:43] Like, guys I knew in high school, like, oh, well, that's what's going on there.

[41:46] Okay, fine.

[41:47] Oh, that's what his tackle looks like.

Stuart Wellington

[41:48] Isn't that the premise of the new Kevin Smith movie, actually?

[41:51] I guess so.

[41:52] It's the reason they're making the pornographic movie is because they figured that people they

[41:56] went to high school with would buy it because...

Elliott Kalan

[41:59] Oh, that aspect of it, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[42:00] Yeah, I didn't know that.

Elliott Kalan

[42:01] They must have gone to a big high school if they hoped to make some money back from it.

Dan McCoy

[42:06] You just slipped that in there.

[42:08] I was trying to avoid admitting that I saw this movie.

[42:11] Neither of us would have made fun of you for seeing...

[42:13] It's a movie that came out.

[42:14] But also, in passing, I want to say also, now that Obama's president, I went...

[42:18] I saw...

[42:19] President-elect.

[42:20] New and...

[42:21] Yeah.

[42:21] I saw No End in Sight, the Iraq War documentary.

[42:25] You know, just to look back on the mistakes of recent history.

[42:30] And if you want to see a movie that makes you feel sad and angry and scared, if those are

[42:36] emotions that you enjoy...

[42:38] 27 Dresses!

[42:39] I would recommend 27 Dresses with Cameron Hig.

Elliott Kalan

[42:41] I just imagine the guy in the video store who's got 27 Dresses in one hand and 28 Days

[42:45] Later in the other hand.

Dan McCoy

[42:46] He's like, mm, 28's more than 27, so...

[42:50] Do I have to see 27 Dresses first, or...

[42:53] Elliot, what do you have to recommend?

Elliott Kalan

[42:55] I don't remember if in the past I've recommended the movie The Fall or not.

[43:00] I think I might have, but I saw that again recently, and I think it's really great.

[43:03] That's, what, Legends of the Fall?

[43:04] No, not Legends of the Fall.

[43:06] The Fall is a...

[43:07] Wait, Tarseem Sings the Fall?

[43:08] Yeah, Tarseem Sings the Fall.

Dan McCoy

[43:09] The guy who directed The Cell?

[43:10] Directed The Cell.

[43:11] The most terrible movie?

Elliott Kalan

[43:13] Which is a terrible movie, but this is like...

[43:15] This is...

[43:15] You can tell watching it that this is the movie, kind of...

[43:18] And I was just reading about it today.

[43:20] Basically, he made a good amount of money making commercials, and he decided, well, this

[43:25] is the movie I'm going to spend this money on.

[43:27] And so he spent his own money and several years of his life, you know, in his spare time

[43:31] making this very beautiful, to look at movie that I find very touching also.

[43:36] But when it came out, the reviews were very mixed.

[43:38] It was like, there's a lot of pretty pictures, but the story never really comes together.

[43:43] But it comes together very well for me.

[43:45] So I'd recommend that one if you haven't seen it, which you probably haven't, because it

[43:49] was not released very much.

[43:52] And otherwise, I saw Frost Nixon recently, and that was pretty good too.

[43:56] You know, The Fall was a movie that, like, I'm crying at the end of.

[43:59] Frost Nixon was a movie I was like, that was a good movie.

[44:02] But that's coming as soon to a theater near you.

[44:04] Wow.

[44:05] I went to see, I will say, this is my business dropping section of the podcast, is I went

[44:12] to see that at a WGA screener where Ron Howard, one of the producers, were doing a discussion

[44:17] afterwards.

[44:18] And John Waters was in the audience, sitting not too far away from where I was.

[44:23] And during the question and answer session, John Waters asked the most perfectly John Waters

[44:27] question.

[44:28] When he goes, now you had Pat McCormick from The Bad Seed playing Richard Nixon's wife,

[44:35] Pat Nixon.

[44:36] Was that, that was a good, was that like a nice, like, on purpose, a cameo there?

[44:41] And Ron Howard's like, no, that was a coincidence.

[44:43] That the woman from the, but I just love that John Waters is watching the movie and probably

[44:47] recognizes the woman playing Nixon, Mrs. Nixon, and then sees in the credits that it's the

[44:52] woman who, you know, 50 years ago played the little girl in The Bad Seed and made the connection

[44:59] in his head.

[45:00] And it was like, oh, John Waters, you're a treasure, never change.

[45:04] That was, I'm not a huge fan of Ron Howard as a director, but I thought he did a pretty

[45:08] good job.

[45:09] Frost Nixon.

Stuart Wellington

[45:10] Wait a minute, he did A Beautiful Mind.

Elliott Kalan

[45:12] He did A Beautiful Mind, which I hate?

[45:13] That movie was quacktastic.

Dan McCoy

[45:15] Oh, it's awful.

[45:16] Yeah, I think that's the worst, I would say it's the worst Best Picture winner of the

[45:21] last 10 years, but I think Crash edges it out.

Elliott Kalan

[45:23] And even, yeah, I guess so.

[45:26] Gladiator?

[45:27] Gladiator's not a great movie.

[45:28] Chicago's not a great movie.

[45:29] They're not terrible movies, but like, A Beautiful Mind is a bad movie.

Dan McCoy

[45:33] But A Beautiful Mind is, or no, I don't enjoy Gladiator.

[45:35] I enjoy Chicago.

Elliott Kalan

[45:36] Chicago I enjoyed, but it was like, it was so disposable.

Stuart Wellington

[45:40] Well, that's just, you just, you love Bridget Jones' Diaries, but we've come to terms

[45:44] of.

Elliott Kalan

[45:44] Anything with Renee Zellweger you love.

[45:46] That.

[45:47] Cold Mountain.

[45:48] Cold Mountain.

[45:49] You love.

[45:51] Come on.

[45:51] I can't even think of any.

[45:52] Here we go.

[45:53] Jerry Maguire you love.

[45:54] Don't stop.

[45:56] I'm having trouble thinking of Renee Zellweger movies.

[45:59] That's crazy.

[45:59] Appaloosa, was she in that?

[46:01] Let's say she was.

[46:02] Who affects the chainsaw massacre of the next generation?

[46:03] The next generation.

Stuart Wellington

[46:04] Oh my God, that movie is the worst movie ever.

[46:06] With Matthew McConaughey also.

[46:07] I know, I want to kill myself.

[46:09] I almost killed myself watching that movie.

[46:10] It was so bad.

[46:11] I like bad movies.

[46:13] And I like them.

[46:14] I like them and this one was really bad.

Dan McCoy

[46:17] It's been a while since I've done this sort of thing on the show, but I want to say thank

[46:21] you to everyone who keeps going to podcastalley.com and voting for our show.

[46:27] We get three or four votes a month steadily, which is great.

[46:34] And we're always ranked within the top 50 of comedy podcasts.

[46:39] Get us to number one.

[46:41] Well, that's what I'm declaring in November that this is the Flophouse pledge drive.

[46:47] You don't have to pay any money.

[46:48] Yes, you do.

[46:49] It's not like a PBS pledge drive.

[46:50] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[46:51] But if you want a copy of Caesar's Writers on VHS, you will pay us money.

Dan McCoy

[46:55] If you want a Flophouse tote bag, you will have to give us money.

[46:58] But this is a pledge drive for listeners.

[47:01] Because, you know what?

[47:02] Elliot's fancy television job aside.

[47:06] Yeah?

[47:07] This is a rinky-dink organization.

[47:08] We don't have a publicist.

[47:09] We don't have any advertising.

[47:11] All we have is listeners like you.

[47:13] You're the real backbone of this project.

[47:15] So I would urge you to go to Podcast Alley.

[47:19] Vote for us.

[47:20] Juke the stats.

[47:21] Don't vote multiple times.

[47:23] Don't juke them that much.

Elliott Kalan

[47:24] We should print up posters with our faces that says,

[47:27] Juke the stats!

[47:29] I don't even know what that means.

[47:30] They can put them up in elementary schools next to the soda machine.

[47:33] You're like a wire fan.

Dan McCoy

[47:33] You don't know what juke the stats is?

[47:34] Oh, I didn't know that was a real.

[47:36] What's the wire?

[47:37] Anyway, I'd like to thank all of the people who link to us from their personal websites.

[47:41] We actually get a lot of traffic through links like that.

[47:45] If you're willing to put up a link for us, please do so.

[47:48] If you contact us, we could put up a reciprocal link on our website.

[47:52] Do whatever.

[47:53] And I'm saying this.

[47:54] If anyone can prove somehow that they've brought in a lot of new listeners,

[48:00] Maybe there's something in it for them.

[48:01] I don't know what it is.

[48:02] Well, we get to start a new Fluff House contest.

Elliott Kalan

[48:04] Yeah.

[48:05] Since the last one, the prize was technically never claimed.

[48:08] It's still there.

[48:09] We still have it.

[48:09] Well, the Uwe Boll prize was claimed.

[48:11] Okay.

[48:11] Well, I meant the flop it up with the floppers.

[48:14] Yeah.

[48:14] Whatever that contest was called.

[48:16] It's true.

Dan McCoy

[48:16] I'd still do that, man.

[48:17] You know, get us some listeners, listeners.

[48:19] And if you want to write in, as always, the email is theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[48:26] Website, theflophousepodcast.blogspot.com.

[48:30] And that's all I want to say business-wise.

[48:32] I've sucked the air out of the room with that.

Elliott Kalan

[48:34] I'm just touched by the sincerity of that thanks and plea for more assistance.

Stuart Wellington

[48:40] I think making a joke right now would be unbecoming of me.

[48:43] It'd be kind of crass.

[48:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[48:45] But would it be unbecoming of your mustache?

Stuart Wellington

[48:47] No.

[48:48] My mustache wants to make a comment about boobs again.

[48:52] I'll keep it down, then.

[48:53] I got it under control.

Elliott Kalan

[48:55] Oh, you know, oh, that's it.

[48:56] That's the movie you've got to make.

[48:57] It's called Lustache.

[48:58] And you're, like, a very prim guy, but you grow a mustache, and the mustache is really horny.

[49:04] So you end up getting into sexy situations with mishaps and misunderstandings because of your mustache.

Stuart Wellington

[49:08] That is an awesome movie.

[49:10] It's called Lustache.

[49:11] It's like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation.

[49:12] Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Mustache.

[49:14] Yeah, and the mustache just wants to tickle ladies in special places.

[49:18] Yeah, sure.

[49:19] What Dan just said.

[49:20] Yeah.

[49:20] Lustache.

[49:21] Kind of like Good Luck Chuck, but awesomer.

Elliott Kalan

[49:26] But instead of seeing Dane Cook in hardcore porn situations, it would be Stuart Wellington in hardcore porn situations.

Stuart Wellington

[49:32] I don't know if there would have to be hardcore porn situations.

[49:34] I mean, come on.

[49:35] This is PG-13, maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[49:37] Oh, it's a PG-13 movie with Lust in the title.

[49:39] Okay, well, sure.

Dan McCoy

[49:41] This is one of the disappointing USA Up All Nights.

[49:44] Yeah, absolutely.

[49:44] Oh, you mean all of them?

[49:46] Well, sure.

[49:47] They've all been edited for content.

[49:48] However, when I was a middle schooler...

[49:51] Oh, no, certainly.

[49:52] I was excited whenever a bikini car wash came on.

Elliott Kalan

[49:54] Listen, I was excited just to see Rhonda Shearer in the framing segment.

[49:58] Sure.

[49:58] I mean, at the...

[49:59] Gilbert Garvey, not so much.

Stuart Wellington

[50:00] I think some of the key, like, instead of hardcore sex, there would be like a shot of a chick taking her top off and like a boing sound effect.

[50:08] And the mustache hairs go...

[50:10] Yeah, and my hair would be shot up in the air.

[50:14] Like, yeah, that'd be awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[50:15] Eventually, the climax involves the mustache, I guess, trying to tear itself off of your face to get at a woman.

[50:20] Yeah.

[50:21] Like, you chain yourself to a bed or something like that to make sure that the mustache can't get you into any more trouble.

Stuart Wellington

[50:27] Like, at the end of 40 Days and 40 Nights.

[50:28] I haven't seen that.

[50:30] Where he ties himself to a bed and then gets raped by a girl.

[50:34] That's something.

[50:34] It's a comedy.

[50:35] It's a comedy.

[50:35] Now that I come down.

[50:36] It's supposed to be a comedy.

[50:37] It's a horrible...

[50:38] I feel like...

[50:38] Throw that movie away.

[50:41] Buy it and throw it away.

[50:41] The person who's listening to this while holding a copy of 40 Days and 40 Nights.

[50:46] Throw it away.

[50:46] Unfortunately, I feel like we've just written, like, a trauma film, you know?

Dan McCoy

[50:50] What do you mean, unfortunately?

[50:51] Well, trauma, you know, that's a studio where I always feel like I should enjoy the movies.

[50:55] I'm like, I'm glad that they exist.

[50:57] I'm glad that that company exists.

[50:59] But then I watch one of the movies, I'm like, yeah, all right.

Stuart Wellington

[51:02] This will be trauma done right.

[51:03] It's kind of like Kevin Smith movies for me.

[51:05] Like, I'm glad he's making movies, but I'm always underwhelmed.

Dan McCoy

[51:09] Yeah.

[51:09] I like him more as a personality than I do as a director.

[51:12] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:12] I like him more as the bald, bearded guy at the end of Southland Tales than anything else.

[51:18] Fucking dick.

Stuart Wellington

[51:20] Nobody else saw that movie.

Elliott Kalan

[51:21] Oh, you had...

[51:22] I saw that movie because I knew nobody else would see it, and I needed proof that it existed.

[51:27] I needed my memories.

Dan McCoy

[51:28] And all we have is our memories.

[51:30] On that note, thanks for listening to the Flophouse, dudes.

Stuart Wellington

[51:34] My name's Dan McCoy.

[51:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[51:37] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[51:38] Good night.

[51:39] Southland Tales, huh?

[51:40] What the fuck?

Dan McCoy

[51:44] I thought you were going to say that Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade was on.

Stuart Wellington

[51:49] Or the Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure.

Elliott Kalan

[51:52] Great.

[51:52] They haven't shown that movie in years.

[51:53] I know.

[51:54] But, um, so...

[51:55] At least Dan's was current.

[51:57] Dan, you raised a good question, though.

[51:59] Why didn't they continue the Alabama Jones series?

[52:02] Well, they started out with the last one.

Dan McCoy

[52:05] They didn't spoof...

Elliott Kalan

[52:06] It should have started with Raiders of the Lost Boobs or something like that.

Dan McCoy

[52:09] Raiders of the...

[52:10] Panty Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[52:12] Yeah.

[52:12] Raiders of the Lost Bust.

Elliott Kalan

[52:14] It has to have bust or boob or something.

[52:16] Yeah.

[52:16] Because that's their whole thing.

Stuart Wellington

[52:17] Let's start with the second...

[52:19] Boobers of the Lost Bust.

[52:22] Boobers.

Elliott Kalan

[52:24] Alabama boobs and the...

[52:25] And the boobs.

[52:26] And the boob patrol.

[52:27] Alabama breasts and the boomers of the Lost Bust.

[52:33] Okay, that's...

[52:34] There's, like, the reality show I want to pitch to Fox.

[52:36] World's most unexpected boobs.

Stuart Wellington

[52:41] Situations where people didn't expect there to be boobs.

Dan McCoy

[52:44] But there are.

[52:45] I think that's every, like, European...

[52:47] Prank show.

[52:48] Prank show, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:49] Can I, uh...

[52:51] Can I be the host?

The Flop House: Episode #27 - 27 Dresses

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