The Flop House: Episode #27 - 27 Dresses

[0:00] On this episode, we explore our feminine side with the romantic comedy, 27 Dresses.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] And I'm Elliot Kalin, but look who's back!

[0:39] Hey, it's me, I'm back.

[0:40] I'm glad you identified yourself, Stuart, because I thought that we were doing the show with Josh Brolin tonight.

[0:45] Why would that be, Dan?

[0:47] Maybe it's because of the awesome mustache that you grew in the two weeks since we saw you.

[0:53] So, Josh Brolin, not like Sam Elliott?

[0:56] No, it's more of a Josh Brolin mustache.

[0:58] but not what if what if i'll go as far as charles bronson yeah but not sam elliott no don't what do

[1:05] i need to do to be more not bushy enough it's a little dark okay it needs to it also it it ends

[1:12] basically at your upper lip and the sam elliott must go down go down further yeah almost over

[1:18] your whole mouth okay uh how does he eat does he not eat sloppily yeah i like to think that he gave

[1:24] up eating.

[1:25] He is rail thin. I like to think that he

[1:28] eats and then he has a little bowl

[1:30] of water and that's his mustache bath.

[1:32] And he dips his mustache in it to get the

[1:34] crumbs out of it. It's like a finger bowl. Yeah, exactly.

[1:36] It's called a

[1:38] mustachier or something.

[1:40] I know that this is an audio

[1:42] podcast. This is highly unorthodox. However,

[1:44] we will post a picture of Stuart's mustache

[1:46] on the blog, which is

[1:48] theflophousepodcast.blogspot.com

[1:51] Wait a minute.

[1:52] I didn't agree to that.

[1:54] That was my mustache talking, by the way.

[1:56] That was me.

[1:56] Your mustache has to sign a waiver.

[1:58] And I would ask you, the listeners, to write in, maybe,

[2:01] and say which celebrity you think Stuart looks like with his mustache.

[2:05] And if you say John Goodman with a mustache, I may give you a high five.

[2:09] Yeah.

[2:10] And that's the FlophousePodcast at gmail.com.

[2:13] We really should be vlogging this.

[2:14] Yeah.

[2:14] Mustaches aside, maybe we're talking about mustaches.

[2:18] Speaking of mustaches.

[2:19] No, it doesn't work at all.

[2:21] Here's a movie with none of them.

[2:22] Yeah, well, I was going to say.

[2:24] Yeah, there aren't any.

[2:24] This is about as far away as a mustache as you can get because it is a, let's be indelicate, let's say chick flick.

[2:33] We watched a chick flick.

[2:34] A rom-com?

[2:34] Yeah.

[2:35] I was going to say a feminine hygiene film.

[2:38] Yeah.

[2:39] In what sense?

[2:41] It's not an industrial film.

[2:42] We didn't wheel in a Super 8 projector.

[2:45] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[2:46] You know, we felt that we...

[2:48] We just watched it on a normal TV, Dan.

[2:50] It was a DVD.

[2:51] Thanks for clarifying that.

[2:53] It's cool.

[2:54] Don't worry about it.

[2:55] We felt that as three guys and as three guys who – real men's men, right?

[3:00] Yeah, rugged types, macho, tough, machismo.

[3:04] A lot of machismo in the room right now.

[3:06] I was going to go with sort of nerdy guys, but sure.

[3:09] I own a Leatherman knife set.

[3:11] I don't know.

[3:12] I have a mustache.

[3:13] I think we covered that already.

[3:14] That's true.

[3:15] Maybe just me.

[3:16] I do have a special kind of kick that has a name for fights.

[3:21] It's a straight-legged kick right up into the crotch of the other person.

[3:24] It's called a liberator.

[3:25] And they actually named it that in a dream.

[3:28] I had a dream where me and a friend of mine, my friend Brendan,

[3:32] were in a fight with two guys, and we paired off.

[3:35] You take that guy.

[3:36] I'll take this one.

[3:37] And I go, how about a taste of the liberator?

[3:40] And, like, in Trainspotting, the way that Robert Carlyle does.

[3:43] Are you liberating his nuts from him?

[3:46] Do you shout Excelsior when you do it?

[3:48] No, I shout something about liberator.

[3:50] But it was, I woke up almost immediately after that and I said,

[3:54] that is the purest thing I've ever thought of because it came to me in a dream.

[3:57] Well, awesome dream aside, I wanted to say that.

[4:02] It's like Salvador Dali, yeah.

[4:03] As three real men's men, we usually watch the manly genres.

[4:08] Yeah, stuff with blood in it.

[4:09] Your thrillers, your horror films, your thriller horror films, your sci-fi thrillers.

[4:15] Yeah, like Next.

[4:17] Yeah, but this time.

[4:20] Or the half an inch.

[4:21] This time we decided to cast a wider net and watch what you ladies watch or so Lifetime has led me to believe.

[4:29] And that is 27 Dresses.

[4:31] It's by Catherine Heigl.

[4:33] That's how you pronounce that?

[4:34] I just pronounced hard G's as Catherine Heigl.

[4:38] I'm tired.

[4:40] Cyclops was in this too, right?

[4:42] Yeah.

[4:42] Well, that was what made it a little easier for me to watch because every time it got to a scene with James Marsden,

[4:47] And I just imagined that at any moment Professor X was going to call him away to go on a mission.

[4:51] Yeah, he was wearing contacts or something, so it was eye-beaming.

[4:54] Ruby Quartz contacts.

[4:55] It's just like there was a – I was reading something a long time ago when –

[5:00] X-Men comics, that's what you were reading.

[5:01] Yeah, yeah.

[5:02] No, it's something when –

[5:03] On Katie X-Men, I think.

[5:03] What was the movie with Hugh Jackman and Ashley Judd that was based on the novel Animal Husbandry?

[5:08] I think you're thinking of X-Men.

[5:10] No, but there was –

[5:11] Was that the one where he goes back in time or forward?

[5:13] No, that was Kate and Leopold with Meg Ryan.

[5:16] It was where someone had written up a thing.

[5:18] No, the Prestige is with...

[5:20] Van Helsing?

[5:20] No, it wasn't Van Helsing.

[5:21] Someone had written up a thing on the internet where the idea was Logan was playing this character.

[5:27] And he was saying, I was having trouble because I kept thinking, pop your claws, Logan, that'll impress her.

[5:31] I don't remember whose blog I read that on, though.

[5:33] Sounds like a funny blog.

[5:34] So you're saying that you imagined that it was Cyclops.

[5:38] No, but let's pretend.

[5:39] Okay, but I kept imagining that he was playing the role.

[5:42] He was playing Scott Slim Summers, Cyclops.

[5:45] And Flophouse's favorite, charisma-suck Edward Burns was also in this film.

[5:50] The gravelliest voice of his generation.

[5:53] Yeah, and not much else.

[5:55] I want to do something with him and Harvey Fierstein called Meet the Gravels.

[5:58] Nice.

[5:59] And, yeah, he was very boring.

[6:02] And also, what's her name?

[6:04] Judy Greer.

[6:05] Judy Greer.

[6:05] Pam Greer's daughter.

[6:07] No, no, no.

[6:09] Wrong again.

[6:10] Kitty from Arrested Development.

[6:12] Yeah, and the romantic interest in the Hebrew Hammer.

[6:15] Yeah, and Melora Hardin.

[6:18] It was in three scenes.

[6:20] Jan Levinson Gould from The Office is awesome.

[6:22] And who played Katherine Heigl's sister?

[6:24] Yeah.

[6:25] Malene Ackerman, who was in the bad Goodbye Girl remake,

[6:30] the Peter and Bobby Fairley remake.

[6:33] Of the Goodbye Girl?

[6:34] Goodbye Girl is with Richard Dreyfuss, isn't it?

[6:37] No, what am I thinking of?

[6:39] Edit this out.

[6:41] Oh, I know it's on the tip of my tongue.

[6:45] Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[6:47] Oh, no, it's close, close.

[6:50] Oh, Sorrow and the Pity.

[6:51] No, no.

[6:53] M.

[6:53] No.

[6:54] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[6:55] Salo.

[6:56] Kevin and the Dr. Caligari.

[6:58] Oh, oh, maybe it was The Goodbye Girl.

[7:01] No, no, you're right.

[7:02] That's the Neil Simon play.

[7:03] But it's the one with Ben Stiller you're talking about.

[7:05] Yeah, what was that?

[7:06] The Heartbreak Kid.

[7:06] Heartbreak Kid.

[7:07] That's the remake of The Heartbreak Kid.

[7:09] Ouch, remake of The Heartbreak Kid.

[7:10] Oh, okay.

[7:11] Now I know who you're talking about.

[7:12] And, uh, yeah.

[7:14] Long came Polly.

[7:15] Ooh, just broke my heart.

[7:16] No, that was, wasn't that Jennifer Aniston?

[7:18] It was.

[7:19] There's a ferret in that movie.

[7:20] Okay.

[7:22] There's a ferret in Kindergarten Cop, too.

[7:24] I don't know how you brought that one up.

[7:25] I don't like you calling Philip Seymour Hoffman a ferret.

[7:27] No!

[7:28] Boop.

[7:29] Synecdoche, New York.

[7:31] Theater near you.

[7:32] So, to talk about this movie, it's a movie about a woman who was so besotted with weddings.

[7:38] She loves weddings.

[7:39] That she cannot turn down the opportunity or the obligation to be in one.

[7:43] So she has 27 bridesmaids' dresses.

[7:45] And here's where I thought the movie should have been called Wedaholic when I said this.

[7:50] Yeah, I mean, going into this movie, I don't know about you guys, but, like, movie trailers and, like, TV.

[7:55] Whenever you say, this is what I miss, whenever you say, I don't know about you guys, and then you say, the craziest thing in the world.

[8:00] I don't know about you guys, but some, I can't think of anything that crazy.

[8:05] TV and, like, movie trailers and stuff have really led me to believe that women are fucking apeshit about getting married.

[8:12] Huh.

[8:13] Yeah.

[8:14] You might even call them bridezillas.

[8:17] Yeah, I think that's a term.

[8:18] That's like a phrase, right?

[8:20] No, I made it up just now.

[8:21] Okay, that's pretty clever.

[8:23] Yeah, I'm not good.

[8:24] In Japan, they say brideziras.

[8:26] Okay, and they run screaming?

[8:29] Yeah.

[8:29] From kimono-clad crazy brides?

[8:32] before godzilla was made in america they called them bride kongs yeah here's here's uh something

[8:39] real brief she has 27 dresses and they're supposed to be because bridesmaid dresses are ugly so

[8:44] they're supposed to be really ugly stupid dresses and one of them is a kimono and then they show a

[8:49] brief like 30 second flashback of her at this wedding and everyone else in the wedding is an

[8:54] asian woman and it's like well you can't really say the kimono is a crazy bridesmaid dress if

[8:59] it's a japanese wedding well dude if other cultures are crazy yeah but if if we if one

[9:05] of us was japanese we would see this and be like oh my god that kimono is hideous oh yeah maybe

[9:10] that's true maybe it was maybe it was a very ugly kimono to the discerning eye i gotta say here's

[9:15] my problem it's starting off i was gonna make a scarlett johansson's butt joke for lost in

[9:19] translation but it's not worth it top top panty shot apparently they just it just beat out howard

[9:25] the duck we're really showing somebody ever told me really showing our sensitive side on this uh

[9:30] women's episode of the flop house listen whatever anyway you're saying the duck's awesome sure i

[9:37] don't all i remember about that movie is when leah thompson pulls the duck condom out of howard's

[9:42] wallet and she's like oh howard like like oh you rascal you rascal duck i just always having sex

[9:50] it's like it's like it's like out right it's loose or something yeah loose condom

[9:56] they can reuse them in the duck duck verse i didn't know that yeah uh you read that in the

[10:01] book i made it up uh i remember my favorite part of that movie which is when they're in the diner

[10:06] and the possessed jeffrey jones scientist is talking about the end of the world and the dark

[10:11] ones and it just cuts to howard and leah thompson going oh yeah yeah yeah like yeah there he goes

[10:17] again with the dark gods it was like a very funny moment to me because they've never heard this

[10:21] before but they're acting as if they hear it all the time by the way for people who've never seen

[10:26] howard the duck or haven't seen in years uh tim robbins is in that movie everyone yeah he is for

[10:31] you yeah but um i like him he's he was good in mystic river yeah i walked by him recently he's

[10:37] better when he's tall he is very tall but anyway back to the movie i'm gonna say that arlington

[10:42] Conception Road with Tim Robbins.

[10:43] Shawshank Redemption.

[10:44] Amazing movie.

[10:46] Even like a title level, like 27 Dresses bothers me a little bit.

[10:51] I mean, all right.

[10:52] I like titles with numbers in them.

[10:54] No, that's fine.

[10:55] But I'm saying like I'm a well-liked guy.

[10:57] Eight millimeters.

[10:57] Ooh.

[10:58] Eight millimeters.

[11:00] Okay, well, that's a bad movie with a number in the title.

[11:02] I have been a best man precisely once in my life.

[11:06] Okay.

[11:07] And then for my brothers, I have two brothers,

[11:09] and I think I was a groomsman in one of them,

[11:11] And I think in the other, I was just an usher.

[11:14] Wow.

[11:14] So for a woman to be a bridesmaid 27 times.

[11:19] She's not always the head bridesmaid.

[11:21] It's also that, keep in mind, she also goes out of her way to help the brides organize their weddings.

[11:29] But I don't even know 27 people well enough who would invite me to their weddings.

[11:34] No, but you're not a woman.

[11:35] They make a lot of friends.

[11:36] They live in elaborate networks of female companionship.

[11:39] I think you're making a good point.

[11:40] Like, nothing about this character in the rest of the movie would lead me to believe that she actually makes friends.

[11:46] Yeah, that's true.

[11:47] Plus, why can't it just be, like, 13 dresses?

[11:49] That's still an absurd number, but a believably absurd one, and you've got the whole unlucky 13 thing going on.

[11:54] That's pretty good, I guess.

[11:55] 27 rolls off the tongue, though.

[11:57] 27, think about that.

[11:58] It is a hilarious number.

[12:00] It's impossibly high.

[12:01] It's the funniest number.

[12:02] It's been scientifically proven.

[12:03] Mathematically proven.

[12:04] It's like the name Chuck.

[12:06] James Brolin does bring up a good point, which is that you never get the feeling from,

[12:10] Katherine Heigl.

[12:11] Wow.

[12:12] He's aged a lot.

[12:14] I look like an old bulldog.

[12:17] What was it like being married to Barbara Streisand?

[12:20] Oh, yeah.

[12:20] Barbara is awesome.

[12:21] They say Josh Brolin.

[12:24] Whatever.

[12:24] They're all Brolins.

[12:25] Sure.

[12:26] No, it's good.

[12:26] Anyway, Charles Bronson over there was saying that Katherine Heigl's character, Jane,

[12:31] she has these friends that she's bridesmaids with,

[12:35] but you never see them outside of those wedding scenes,

[12:37] and her character has no social life and no life whatsoever.

[12:40] And she's not very nice.

[12:42] And she's not very nice.

[12:43] She's an unsympathetic character in almost every way.

[12:45] Well, let me very quickly.

[12:47] Until she starts drinking, like every girl.

[12:49] Once she gets a couple drinks in her, she's way more fun.

[12:52] Let me very quickly sum up the basic premise.

[12:54] We'll talk about that later, though.

[12:55] Just rattle it off quick.

[12:57] Oh, yeah, we didn't do the lie yet.

[12:58] Katherine Heigl works for Edward Byrne.

[13:01] She's totally in love with him.

[13:02] Understandably.

[13:02] She has a big crush.

[13:03] Never said anything.

[13:05] She's always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

[13:07] Her sister, Malina Ackerman, comes into town.

[13:12] And immediately, of course, Edward Burns falls for her.

[13:15] Of course.

[13:16] And they're romancing each other.

[13:18] They're going to get married.

[13:19] Meanwhile, there's James Marsden, who sees Katherine Heigl at this wedding.

[13:26] Who writes the wedding pages for the New York Journal.

[13:29] The famous New York newspaper, the New York Journal.

[13:32] uses the same fonts and design layout as the new york times yeah i think of the times would

[13:37] sue them for that and it's a liberal newspaper yeah oh yeah i'm sure it was in the tank for

[13:41] obama the information they explained from the commitment section it was in the tank for obama

[13:45] and weddings but the point is he writes the commitment section and which is all about

[13:49] weddings and he gets you know he's got a real hates weddings he hates weddings but he has to

[13:54] go to all of them and he notices katherine heigl being at two weddings in the same day he's got a

[13:59] he's got a real nose for news elliot yes he does he's like mcgruff the news dog was his

[14:04] family killed at a wedding or something no his his he explains as they're registering for gifts

[14:10] for another wedding he got married and then his wife left him or his wife left him at the wedding

[14:15] it's not really explained that clearly oh right that was the scene where katherine heigl's character

[14:18] won the uh the legendary double bingo yes no no that's it right uh yeah that was she won double

[14:24] bingo and they registered for a gold pig statue katherine heigl does not know that he's just

[14:29] doing a feature story on her this is the crazy he's he wants to do a feature tell all on the

[14:33] how corrupt the wedding industry is it's a human interest story about this woman but his whole

[14:39] point is to show that the wedding industry is destroying lives i see but the point is she

[14:44] doesn't know that she's just a story to him all the while he's falling for her and as we said

[14:50] you can tell that he's gonna fall for her because he's the only other male character in the movie

[14:54] who's not her dad yeah and we were talking about this earlier we're talking about how like this

[14:58] would seem ridiculously contrived in a movie made today such as 27 dresses yeah but if this was the

[15:04] plot of a classic 1930s screwball comedy we'd be like oh this is great this is look like the

[15:09] plotting and if if preston sturgis had written it directed it and katherine heigl was played by

[15:13] jean arthur and her sister was played by claudette colbert and ed burns was played by ray maland and

[15:20] i think your sister would be a judy holiday probably okay i'll give you that and j oh that

[15:25] she was a little bit later but and james marsden was played by like eddie bracken then and this

[15:30] was like made in the late 30s or like 1941 then you'd be like oh it's brilliant the way that the

[15:36] the concepts oh of course he hates weddings but he writes for them and she loves wedding like

[15:41] it would be so much easier to take because it would be in this cartoonish 30s world

[15:45] as opposed to well also there would be clever post 9-11 world of today there may be a banter

[15:50] and jokes oh also it'd be a funny well-written movie with like characters roger rabbit or

[15:55] something exactly okay i can put that into context there you go yeah if you like that sounds great

[16:01] so you're saying there'd be cartoons that interact with those awesome

[16:05] wait with like modern technology right yeah exactly awesome but uh completely oh but anyway

[16:12] they uh blah blah blah blah and ed burns proposes to katherine heichel's sister katherine heichel

[16:18] gets mad the newspaper article runs the day after she sleeps with james marsden after a drunken uh

[16:25] sing-along to benny and the jets she gets mad at him and everything's set on a roller coaster ride

[16:30] to people ending up together and like any shakespeare play or greek play it ends in a

[16:36] wedding yeah except for many of the shakespeare plays and greek plays yeah they don't that don't

[16:40] end in weddings stuff stuff by sophocles that's all yeah his stuff is always pretty grim hated

[16:47] weddings but yeah it's more like an aristophanes play except again poorly written but um even then

[16:53] there were a couple moments of there were a couple genuine jokes in it but mostly it was not

[16:57] there was a lack of jokes like there were not a lot of gags in this comedy boner jokes than

[17:02] aristophanes play though if i recall uh in the aristophanes players boner yeah there's more

[17:08] boner jokes in 27 no no no like have you ever read lysistrata oh wait you're right the whole

[17:13] things boner jokes all flipped around yeah it was on the brain lysistrata is greek for boner jokes

[17:19] that's what it means the lysistrata is ancient greek for losing it and it's about a couple of

[17:26] it's about a couple of young greek teenagers on uh spring us break us who you know i guess that's

[17:32] more latin but that that is latin springophilus breakophilus that's what it is you remember

[17:37] your latin magnificently here's the secret to latin you're really transporting me for that time

[17:42] shelly long's in it the main problem with this movie there are a lot of problems this movie but

[17:48] the main problem is that katherine heigl i feel is a completely unlikable protagonist yes she is

[17:52] trapped in a prison of her own making she keeps going to these weddings now are you blaming

[17:56] katherine heigl the actress or katherine heigl's character a little bit of both because her

[18:02] character is a problem of writing directing and acting yeah her character complains about you

[18:06] you know, being always the bridesmaid,

[18:08] but she also is a complete doormat.

[18:11] And also she complains about her sister going for this guy,

[18:14] but she never makes it clear to her sister that she likes this guy.

[18:17] All she has to do is say, I've had a crush on him for years,

[18:20] and what you're doing is hurting me.

[18:22] And then she allows the sister to stay in her apartment for months on end.

[18:27] Which is awkward because I have to imagine she and Ed Burns

[18:29] were having incredibly loud sex on the couch.

[18:32] Yeah, absolutely.

[18:33] In the living room.

[18:34] That's where I would do it if I was the head of Urban Everest, a popular outdoors company.

[18:39] Let's not go back to my apartment.

[18:41] Let's go to my assistant's apartment, which is also your sister, and do it on her couch.

[18:45] Mainly because I've always thought about doing somebody on this girl's couch.

[18:48] Yeah, let's back up a moment.

[18:50] Eddie Burns, he's the, I guess.

[18:52] Eddie Burns, because you suddenly became a 70-year-old man from Hollywood.

[18:56] Eddie Burns!

[18:57] Back in the day, Eddie Burns was known for having the graveliest voice around.

[19:02] No personality, but a hell of a gravelly voice.

[19:04] He's the CEO, I guess, of Urban Everest.

[19:08] I assumed he was the founder-owner.

[19:10] Who, I guess, is meant to suggest...

[19:14] I think he might just be the CFO. I couldn't tell, though.

[19:15] That's a good point.

[19:18] Maybe he's just the top designer.

[19:21] Urban Everest is some kind of...

[19:22] It's like an Urban Outfitters store where it's led to believe.

[19:25] He says once he likes the outdoors.

[19:28] Yeah.

[19:29] But he's like a real green guy, I guess.

[19:32] He's an eco-nut.

[19:33] Yeah, a comet.

[19:35] Yeah, he's one of the planeteers.

[19:38] Yeah.

[19:38] Wait, are those the people who make Captain Planet with those rings?

[19:42] He's an Earth elemental.

[19:44] All those kids.

[19:45] I guess they recombine into Captain Planet.

[19:48] Well, the kids don't turn into Captain Planet.

[19:51] They just bring him out of their rings.

[19:52] I always wondered about the one ring.

[19:55] They're not the fucking forever people, Dan.

[19:58] They don't form into one superhero.

[20:00] Jeez, I'm sorry.

[20:00] God damn it.

[20:01] I never understood that one kid's, the Brazilian kid's ring, the one that...

[20:05] That's heart?

[20:06] Yeah, that never makes sense.

[20:06] We can talk to animals, and he's Brazilian, so he's got that Latin passion, so he can seduce women.

[20:10] Fiery.

[20:11] Yeah, that was the thing.

[20:12] Wasn't...

[20:12] They had the four elements, and then they're like, and heart.

[20:15] Yeah.

[20:16] I guess it's a precursor to the fifth element, where the fifth element was love.

[20:19] Yeah.

[20:20] That's true.

[20:20] I think Luc Besson probably kind of cribbed that from Captain Planet.

[20:24] He stole it from Captain Planet.

[20:25] Bring it on!

[20:26] Oh!

[20:28] Magnifique!

[20:28] I put it in my movie!

[20:30] Yep, he'll put a dash of Chris Tucker.

[20:32] In my brilliantly designed, poorly plotted movie!

[20:35] Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

[20:37] Wow, look at this on.

[20:40] It's so comically French.

[20:41] Yeah, he also wears a black and white striped shirt and a beret.

[20:43] And a red scarf.

[20:44] A red scarf carries a baguette everywhere.

[20:46] A bottle of wine.

[20:47] We have a lot to say about 27 Dresses.

[20:50] Obviously.

[20:51] Well, 27 Dresses was what we were kind of afraid it would be, I feel like.

[20:55] Like a bland movie.

[20:56] It was very professionally made, but very uninspired.

[20:59] Right.

[21:00] And, you know, the story structure was kind of there,

[21:03] but it was very loose and lackadaisical.

[21:05] Not even a lot of, like, chemistry between any of the characters.

[21:09] No.

[21:09] It was like, let's take a great rom-com example,

[21:13] like Fool's Gold, where you have the chemistry

[21:17] between powerhouses McConaughey and Hudson.

[21:20] This movie just doesn't compare.

[21:22] I will say, though, James Marsden, who in the X-Men movies is cardboard,

[21:27] In this, I thought it was very likable.

[21:29] Didn't he get turned into particles in the last one?

[21:31] Yeah, in the third one, he got killed.

[21:33] That was really weird.

[21:34] I saw him in...

[21:35] Yeah, well, they got rid of him.

[21:36] There's nothing they could do with him.

[21:37] I saw him in the movie version of Hairspray, the musical,

[21:40] based on the original Hairspray movie.

[21:42] And I also saw him in Enchanted.

[21:45] And he was actually really good in both of those movies.

[21:48] And I think that he has a talent for being in airy comedies

[21:52] that he cannot bring to being Cyclops.

[21:55] I think they thought that they were hiring Josh Hartnett when they hired him to play Cyclops.

[21:59] But maybe that's the thing.

[22:01] He's kind of like Brad Pitt maybe then, like that, where he's better at doing sillier roles almost.

[22:07] But because he's a handsome guy, it's like, you're going to be our serious leader.

[22:11] Like James Franco.

[22:12] Well, that's another problem with this movie.

[22:15] Yeah, I guess so.

[22:16] James Franco's good at being like a stoned-out slacker or something like that.

[22:20] Yeah, but he was great in the Spider-Man movies when he got wackier as they went on.

[22:26] No, I don't really think that was...

[22:27] Well, it's okay to be wrong sometimes.

[22:29] So, what you were saying...

[22:31] He really blew away that omelet-making scene.

[22:33] That scene was awesome.

[22:35] From the start, James Marsden's character is clearly much more likable than Edward Burns.

[22:42] And I feel like, at this point in time, for one of these movies to work,

[22:45] there has to be at least a little tension where you're like,

[22:48] I don't know which one of these guys I want her to end up with.

[22:51] Yeah, and that was not...

[22:51] But it's clear that...

[22:52] I hope she gets the financial security of Edward Byrne.

[22:56] And also, as you pointed out...

[22:58] That Urban Everest is doing great business.

[23:02] Also, as you pointed out,

[23:03] Katherine Heigl is at least as good-looking,

[23:07] if not better-looking, than Melina Ackerman,

[23:09] and they make her look like the dowdy one

[23:11] by putting her in a ponytail.

[23:12] Yeah, and she's got great boobs, man.

[23:14] I mentioned it like five times while we were watching.

[23:16] Well, at least five times.

[23:17] Oh, yeah, minimum.

[23:18] We'll say five times minimum.

[23:20] Even though we all agreed she has a kind of puffy face.

[23:23] Did we?

[23:23] Did we all agree?

[23:24] I don't know if we agreed to it, but I thought I saw, like, agreement in your eyes.

[23:30] You know, while we were watching the movie.

[23:31] You could tell I really wanted to agree.

[23:32] She has a very round face, but not round in, like, a Christina Ricci way.

[23:37] Yeah.

[23:38] Which is very cute, more round in kind of like a, eh, well, you know, you're pretty enough, I guess.

[23:43] Yeah, you'll do.

[23:44] Yeah, exactly.

[23:45] That'll do, pig.

[23:46] That kind of thing, you know?

[23:47] Sure.

[23:48] Ouch.

[23:48] Catty.

[23:49] Anyway, I'm not really a Katherine Heigl type.

[23:53] We'd like to point out, for those who are wondering,

[23:56] there is a montage of the film.

[23:59] Of her trying on the dresses?

[24:00] Every one of those 27 dresses.

[24:02] Well, that's the money shot of the movie.

[24:04] You had to have that scene.

[24:06] That was how the movie was pitched.

[24:07] I thought the money shot was the final shot

[24:09] where they show all the women who had weddings

[24:13] that she had to go to and buy these dresses

[24:15] and she makes these women wear those dresses.

[24:17] Which I don't understand because didn't she throw them out?

[24:20] And then the other thing was like, I would also assume they didn't actually have bridesmaids

[24:25] dressed from their own wedding because they were wearing fucking wedding dresses, right?

[24:28] Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

[24:29] But, um, I was like, that's like, that's money shot number two.

[24:33] Like the dress, the dress trying on montage is dollars and then the ending is cents.

[24:38] Okay.

[24:39] Two money shots.

[24:40] A lot of stamina in this movie.

[24:42] So, Stuart, if you were a lady.

[24:44] Okay.

[24:45] Give me a second.

[24:46] Okay, good.

[24:47] Would this give you warm romantic feelings and maybe turn you on just a little bit?

[24:52] Yeah.

[24:54] Yeah?

[24:55] Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty easy, though.

[24:57] I had some drinks.

[24:58] So what you're saying is you're a really dumb lady.

[25:00] Wow.

[25:01] Wow.

[25:02] That is an incredible value judgment.

[25:05] That is very harsh.

[25:07] I don't know if I'd say really dumb.

[25:09] I'm easy, that's the thing.

[25:11] Like, I don't go see 27 Dresses because I want, like, a fucking romance to last the ages or anything.

[25:18] No, you just want something you can see with your girlfriend.

[25:19] This is a movie, I feel like this is a movie where it's like, it's raining, you're not in a great mood, you're wearing sweatpants, maybe you're just in your pajamas still.

[25:27] Wow, who's trotting out the female stereotypes now?

[25:31] And you take out a pint of Haagen-Dazs.

[25:33] Yeah, maybe I'm on the rag.

[25:35] Wow, okay, that was a little much.

[25:38] But now it's a competition to alienate our female audience.

[25:41] Well, sometimes.

[25:42] It isn't even like this is comfort food or anything like that.

[25:47] It's just like a past-the-time pleasant movie for a woman to watch.

[25:52] Yeah, you get out a heating pad and put it on your tummy.

[25:55] To boil away the baby inside.

[25:59] Now, I'm not even to blame at this point.

[26:02] Ellie is making it worse.

[26:04] But the same way that I would throw on Westworld, I guess, which is not an amazing movie.

[26:09] I just watched that recently. It's really good.

[26:11] It is really good, but it's like, I guess Westworld isn't the right choice.

[26:14] It's like Jurassic Park for people who are cool.

[26:16] Yeah, maybe like Jurassic Park.

[26:18] It's a lazy day, I'm in my pajamas, I'm eating cereal out of the box.

[26:23] For me, it's The Running Man.

[26:24] Like, I just want to watch a movie with dinosaurs in it.

[26:26] The Running Man is my, if it's on TBS, I'll watch it no matter what rule.

[26:30] Like, I'll have to call in sick to work.

[26:32] You've gone through a lot of jobs.

[26:34] It's a good thing that Shawshank Redemption isn't that one,

[26:38] because you would never get to a day of work.

[26:39] Absolutely.

[26:40] It's like, oh, holy shit, it's being played back to back.

[26:43] Better go buy another box of Kleenexes because I'm going to be crying a lot.

[26:47] And another box of fucking Daws.

[26:49] The old man kills himself.

[26:51] He's been so institutionalized.

[26:52] That's the scene that does it for you.

[26:53] That makes you cry, huh?

[26:54] Yep.

[26:54] Because that's like halfway through the movie.

[26:56] That's the thing.

[26:57] Like, after, I don't even know what happens the rest of the movie.

[27:00] It's a fucking valentine.

[27:01] You assume that's the end of it.

[27:02] Yeah, I mean, it's, yeah, I can't say very well.

[27:04] It's a sad story about a man who's been failed by the penal system.

[27:07] Yeah, absolutely.

[27:08] That's it.

[27:09] But, yeah, the same way we would watch, like, an action movie or something.

[27:12] Sure, like Running Man.

[27:13] Yeah, like Running Man or, like, Commando.

[27:15] Or, like, oh, Commando's on.

[27:17] Yeah, like, oh, 27 Dresses is on.

[27:20] I guess I'll sit around and watch it.

[27:21] Like, it's a League of Their Own, almost, level movie that way.

[27:24] Yeah.

[27:24] Like, the League of Their Own was, I think, a movie that made no one cry or feel an emotion.

[27:29] But if it's on TV, like, we'll watch it.

[27:30] I would watch that movie if it was on, but for other reasons.

[27:33] Like, I thought that both Geena Davis and Laura Petty were cute.

[27:35] You have a big Lori Petty crush.

[27:37] I thought she was awfully cute in that movie, and then she disappeared.

[27:40] She was in that sitcom.

[27:41] She fell off the world.

[27:42] She made Tank Girl, and then she was in that sitcom, and then she disappeared.

[27:45] Lori Petty, if you're out there, please send us an email.

[27:49] We just want to know you're okay.

[27:50] And Tom Petty, just keep up the good work.

[27:53] You're doing a great job on King of the Hill.

[27:56] Well, good story about 27 Dresses.

[27:58] So, like, yeah, it's kind of weird.

[28:02] Like, none of the female characters, like, her sister isn't that likable either.

[28:05] Her sister's very unlikable, but she's supposed to be kind of unlikable.

[28:08] Which is kind of weird because Edward Burns' character doesn't really have a personality or anything,

[28:13] but you're meant to believe that he's desirable.

[28:17] Well, this is a movie that was written, directed, and stars women,

[28:22] and none of the characters are any better well-rounded or emotionally realistic than in a different movie.

[28:29] The women are not very likable, the men are not very likable.

[28:32] The only likable characters are Friend, right, played by Judy Greer.

[28:35] Who I would like much better in the lead role

[28:38] Yeah, you'd expect like a woman's touch

[28:40] Of some sort in the movie to make it more realistic

[28:42] But instead the woman's touch seemed to be like

[28:44] These are the kinds of dresses you wear at weddings

[28:46] Well also this movie

[28:48] Like the big moment of her standing up

[28:50] For herself is making a speech

[28:53] At I guess the rehearsal dinner

[28:54] For the wedding

[28:56] Pointing out that her sister has lied

[28:58] About a bunch of things to this guy

[29:00] However the things that she's lied about

[29:02] Are things like

[29:03] oh i love animals loving animals or hiking you know i don't eat i don't eat fatty food anymore

[29:09] and then she shows her eating like a plate of ribs i want to say one last thing i mean that

[29:13] wait a minute one last yeah we're not done no i'm just saying about the reveal of the deception

[29:18] oh the deception oh right to me it felt like the happening where like the big reveal is that

[29:23] zoe de chanel went out with a co-worker to have dessert like the same level of betrayal i feel

[29:31] yeah it was very i guess the wedding's off you need to it you need to know the it's like if uh

[29:36] my girlfriend doesn't like fish she doesn't eat fish it's like if we got engaged and then right

[29:41] before we got married no well i don't like the band fish the food she doesn't eat the band she

[29:46] doesn't eat the food fish oh like seafood she doesn't like seafood she also doesn't eat the

[29:50] band yeah but uh but if it's like if before the wedding i have something else to talk about for

[29:55] this podcast if before the wedding her sister showed a slideshow with pictures of her eating

[30:01] fish and was like actually she loves seafood i wouldn't be like oh my god this who is this woman

[30:07] i'd be like oh really i don't okay we should have fish at the wedding then however you would break

[30:11] up with her if you saw her rocking out at a fish concert i would fucking dump her yep you'd throw

[30:17] your glass of crystal on her face yeah because i'm because i'm jay-z so i throw crystal in her

[30:23] That's after your fucking pre-wedding, wait, rehearsal dinner.

[30:29] Rehearsal dinner, yeah.

[30:29] You'll have Cristal there, right?

[30:31] Yeah.

[30:31] I don't think so.

[30:33] Okay.

[30:33] And for my rehearsal dinner, we're going to be rehearsing scenes from Death of a Salesman.

[30:38] Oh, by the time I get married, I'm going to be running television.

[30:41] You'll be the king of television.

[30:42] I'll be the king of television.

[30:43] And I'll decide who lives and who dies.

[30:46] Gary, I'm married.

[30:47] You're dead.

[30:47] Oh, man.

[30:48] Bones, I'll let you live.

[30:51] But now, with the guy from Angel.

[30:53] Numbers, I like your moxie.

[30:55] You spelled your name with a number in it.

[30:56] I'll let you stay, too.

[30:58] It was like my old sketch.

[31:00] It was like the show Letters.

[31:02] The letters were spelled with a schwa.

[31:04] And he solved crimes with his knowledge of grammar.

[31:07] That's Ghostwriter, basically.

[31:09] That's the PBS children's series Ghostwriter.

[31:12] A group of kids and an alien that can read and write things

[31:16] and travel through computers that helps them solve crimes.

[31:19] Wait, there's a fucking alien?

[31:20] Yeah.

[31:21] I want to watch this shit.

[31:22] Is this anything like that show Early Edition on the PAX network?

[31:25] No.

[31:25] And Early Edition was a network show.

[31:28] That shit was awesome, dude.

[31:30] This one where he gets the newspaper a day ahead of time?

[31:32] Yeah, how do I sign up for that?

[31:33] That's a great service.

[31:35] It's a really expensive service.

[31:37] Right now I just have the weekender, but I'd love to have...

[31:40] The problem being, of course, that you feel compelled to stop crimes.

[31:44] What was the Oliver Platt show where he was a crusading newspaper reporter?

[31:49] Deadline, I think.

[31:50] Maybe it was Deadline.

[31:51] Kolchak, the Night Stalker?

[31:53] No, that was a completely different character and actor and premise.

[31:57] That was Darren McGavin.

[31:58] Darren McGavin, and he was a...

[32:00] The father from A Christmas Story.

[32:01] And he was a private eye fighting monsters.

[32:03] So the question is, do we actually have anything more to say about 27 Dresses?

[32:07] It was very mediocre, but I feel good about us getting out of our comfort zone.

[32:12] Yeah.

[32:12] We could have watched, like, Saw IV, and instead we watched 27 Dresses.

[32:16] Yeah, you know, I actually, like, I had a good time watching this.

[32:19] I mean, you know, we're not at value judgments or anything yet.

[32:21] Well, no, let's do that right now.

[32:23] But compared to...

[32:24] I'll save it.

[32:26] I'll save it then.

[32:26] Let's do the final judgments about whether this is a good, bad movie.

[32:31] Starring Taskmaster Dan McCoy.

[32:32] A bad, bad movie or a movie you kind of liked.

[32:36] Well, I just didn't...

[32:37] Like, if we're going to talk about it, we should put it in its own section.

[32:39] That's all I'm saying.

[32:40] Section?

[32:41] Because it's a girl?

[32:42] God.

[32:43] You know, maybe it's like the weather, but, you know, or...

[32:48] You can't stop 27 Dresses.

[32:50] Or is it The Coors Light I drank while I watched the feature?

[32:54] I thought you were saying the movie was like the weather.

[32:56] No, you know, like, I'll give it a good, bad movie.

[33:00] I had a good time watching it.

[33:01] It was weird.

[33:02] I have a real hard time, actually.

[33:05] I feel like this falls outside of our categories.

[33:08] Yeah.

[33:08] Because it wasn't actually a good movie in any way.

[33:12] No, that's true.

[33:14] I wouldn't say it's a bad movie because it moved along at, like, a good clip.

[33:18] It wasn't a horrendous movie.

[33:20] It was easier to watch than so much that we watch.

[33:22] But it was not bad in any funny way either.

[33:25] It wasn't like the Bratz movie or something.

[33:27] Yeah.

[33:27] I never would have guessed that the Bratz movie would be our gold standard.

[33:31] Or I Know Who Killed Me.

[33:33] I mean, I feel like I had fun watching it, but only because I was with you guys.

[33:37] So I don't rate that.

[33:39] Wait, wait, wait.

[33:40] Let's put it into this kind of context.

[33:42] You go see this movie with your girl, right, guys?

[33:45] You know what I'm talking about.

[33:47] Your best girl?

[33:48] Yeah, you have to take your squeeze out to a movie, and you're going to watch a movie.

[33:56] What do you think?

[33:57] Is 27 Dresses one you put your little Walkman earbuds in and listen to the game on?

[34:04] Or do you actually watch the—

[34:07] Said by a man who doesn't watch sports, I guess.

[34:09] Or has used technology in the last 10 years.

[34:13] You know, listen to the latest sporting event.

[34:15] Get your transistor radio.

[34:16] Yeah, your hand radio.

[34:17] Listen to the Brooklyn Dodgers play the Hoboken Zephyrs.

[34:22] Well, as I think this movie came out in February, maybe,

[34:26] but only because there'd be nothing else in the theater.

[34:28] Oh, okay.

[34:29] If I went with my girlfriend, then I wouldn't be my first choice,

[34:35] but I wouldn't be like, oh, painful.

[34:38] It wasn't like when my mom once showed me Bridget Jones' Diary,

[34:42] which I found abominable.

[34:44] Yeah, I had to go see how Stella got her groove back in the theater.

[34:48] Wait, you're putting this above Bridget Jones' diary?

[34:50] Oh, certainly.

[34:51] That was horrifying.

[34:53] This was pleasantly fake, and that was really...

[34:56] But that had Hugh Grant and Colin Firth in it, two fine comic actors.

[35:00] Yeah, they both made bad movies before.

[35:01] All right.

[35:02] Oh, but I did go on two movie dates with my girlfriend this weekend,

[35:06] and we saw Quantum of Solace and Frost Nixon, so you know what?

[35:09] I don't have to see them.

[35:10] Wait, Frost Nixon's out?

[35:11] No, we saw a screen.

[35:11] Wait, are you telling me that ladies can like good movies that aren't about weddings or romance?

[35:17] I guess what I'm saying is anybody can like any movie, and we shouldn't judge people by their gender.

[35:22] Surely not.

[35:22] Well, yes.

[35:23] That's the secret surprise message of this episode of The Flophouse.

[35:26] What the fuck?

[35:27] Go forth.

[35:28] And this is coming from a guy who...

[35:30] Whoa, did you just tell me to spread it?

[35:32] Yeah, that's weird.

[35:33] What the fuck, dude?

[35:34] We're here, dude.

[35:37] This is a very surprise ending of Flophouse if it ends in an anal rape, I guess.

[35:41] I didn't say spread them

[35:45] Elliot help me out of here

[35:46] Listen I don't want to be involved

[35:49] Well fucking stop him at least

[35:51] God damn it

[35:53] I'm very surprised

[35:54] Not even get him but spread him

[35:57] He didn't say

[35:59] Spread it

[36:01] He said spread which is worse

[36:02] Oh my god dude

[36:04] Jesus

[36:06] Well forget what I was going to say

[36:09] There goes my morals

[36:11] There's my moral for the episode

[36:13] I feel like I'm going to throw up

[36:14] Oh god I gotta take a shower

[36:18] Anyway but the same way that you know

[36:20] Guys can like musicals too

[36:21] There's no hard and fast rule here

[36:23] Gay guys especially

[36:24] But me also

[36:27] So I think we're all in agreement

[36:29] This was a great movie

[36:30] Moving on

[36:32] Man I'll tell you one thing

[36:34] I don't know if it's because you're here

[36:36] Or because 88 minutes was depressing

[36:39] but this is so much more fun than when we watched 88 minutes so uh hey we're going to talk about

[36:44] movies we saw recently you want to recommend right yeah let's do it man okay guys the movie

[36:50] the movie i like to recommend stars a certain creature of the night and it's going to be coming

[36:57] your way soon it's called twilight let me tell you right now you're recommending movie you haven't

[37:02] seen. I haven't seen, but I saw

[37:04] the trailers. And

[37:06] let me tell you, those vampires

[37:08] are hot!

[37:10] They're

[37:12] all underage. The dudes,

[37:14] those dudes aren't under...

[37:16] Oh my god, they are? I believe

[37:18] so. Oh, Jesus. I think they're all like 16, 17.

[37:20] Oh my god.

[37:21] Okay, well, then

[37:24] we're gonna have to... You're gonna have to revise

[37:26] all your gay vampire fantasies.

[37:28] Can I recommend

[37:30] something else, then? Sure. Please. Okay.

[37:31] Then I'll recommend a different vampire movie.

[37:34] It's called Let the Right One In.

[37:35] It's Swedish, I think.

[37:37] Oh, I want to see that.

[37:39] I saw it about a week ago, and it is totally awesome,

[37:42] aside from a couple weird CGI bits.

[37:46] But it's basically about a lonely little kid who is bullied

[37:50] and befriends this strange girl that just moved in next door to him

[37:54] who happens to be a vampire.

[37:56] Spoiler alert.

[37:58] Well, yeah, I mean, like, she's got blood on her face on the poster, dude.

[38:02] Maybe she fell down.

[38:04] Yep.

[38:05] Maybe I punched her in the face.

[38:06] It happens.

[38:08] But, yeah, it's totally awesome.

[38:10] If you like awesome horror movies or, like, if you like vampire movies at all.

[38:15] Well, if you like vampire movies that basically are good

[38:19] and are somewhat character-driven, yeah, it was really good.

[38:22] Totally good.

[38:23] Awesome movie.

[38:23] I want to recommend, and this is very appropriate to the theme of the night,

[38:28] uh rachel getting married it's uh why i don't i'm good at it it's about a wedding oh you know

[38:36] everything that you're tearing up thinking about rachel getting married i might be a little bit

[38:40] man that movie that movie i it made me cry everything uh that i've said tonight not

[38:45] withstanding i'm a fan of weddings i love going to weddings and what this movie accomplishes and

[38:52] you know all the critics have said this but what the credit this movie accomplishes make you feel

[38:56] like you've been to this wedding and you know you're introduced to these characters not as

[39:01] characters in a movie but as you would naturally sort of get to know people that you don't know

[39:06] over the course of an event like that and it's beautiful and it's a great jonathan demme movie

[39:11] i like jonathan demme most of the time and this is certainly one of his i think one of his best

[39:16] movies and it stars your buddy uh ann hathaway yeah my buddy who i don't even know that well

[39:22] Well, but you know her better than we know her.

[39:26] I guess so.

[39:26] Hey, tell her...

[39:27] Elliot went to school with Anna Hathaway.

[39:29] She went to the same high school as me.

[39:31] She was a year behind me.

[39:32] My mom and her parents are friendly, but I never really knew her that well.

[39:36] Hey, tell her what's up.

[39:38] I think she's on the show this week, actually.

[39:39] Our show?

[39:40] No, on the Daily Show.

[39:42] Not on the Flophouse.

[39:44] Do you know her well enough to say hi?

[39:46] No, I don't think so.

[39:48] She's not going to recognize you if you say hi to her?

[39:50] I don't think she would, and I would have nothing to say to her.

[39:52] Yeah, I'll get my yearbook signed by her.

[39:55] The yearbook I didn't buy because I hated high school.

[39:57] Somehow you forgot to sign this, Ms. Hathaway.

[40:02] I have a spot set out for you right there.

[40:04] Sign it to eBay customer.

[40:06] If you could subtly insinuate that we were involved somehow while we were in school.

[40:12] And also, wait, let me.

[40:13] It's weird to make the kind of jokes that I was making about Katherine Heigl and her, you know,

[40:20] And, like, you were – you know, we were making boob jokes before the recording because we're dudes, whatever.

[40:25] Yeah, she's got a really nice boob.

[40:27] We are what we are.

[40:28] It is weird for me to make those kinds of jokes about Annie Hathaway because just of knowing her family.

[40:35] You're BFFs.

[40:35] All right, well, here's –

[40:37] No, not BFFs.

[40:37] I make jokes about my friends' boobs all the time, you know, whatever.

[40:41] Oh, so you're, like, just BFFs.

[40:44] I don't think B goes into it.

[40:46] I've avoided bringing this up before, but since it came up organically –

[40:50] Now, we've had a discussion before about how Anne Hathaway has been topless in a couple of her roles, and you were saying how you were like, oh, I feel like I need to look away during those scenes because you've known her semi-personally in life.

[41:06] Well, it's just kind of like having seen her – because I have not seen her in person since high school, so it's like I think of her as someone I see in the halls in high school.

[41:15] Right.

[41:15] Now, here's what I have to say about that.

[41:17] Of course, when I was a high school student, there was almost no girl that I walked by that I didn't want to see.

[41:21] Right.

[41:21] Well, here's the thing.

[41:22] Here's what I want to say about that.

[41:23] Very gentlemanly of you.

[41:25] However, it blows my mind because, like, if I went to high school with a woman who was then topless in a movie, I would want to see that movie all the more.

[41:34] I want to see her naked all the more.

[41:35] People I didn't even care about seeing naked in high school, I would want to see naked in a movie just out of curiosity.

[41:41] Like guys, even.

[41:42] Like guys I knew in high school.

[41:44] Like, oh, well, that's what's going on there.

[41:46] Okay, fine.

[41:47] That's what his tackle looks like.

[41:48] Isn't that the premise of the new Kevin Smith movie, actually?

[41:51] I guess so.

[41:52] It's the reason they're making the pornographic movie

[41:55] is because they figured that people they went to high school with would buy it.

[41:58] Oh, that aspect of it, I don't know.

[42:00] Yeah, I didn't know that.

[42:01] They must have gone to a big high school if they hoped to make some money back from that.

[42:05] You just slipped that in there.

[42:08] I was trying to avoid admitting that I saw this movie.

[42:10] Neither of us would have made fun of you for seeing it.

[42:13] It's a movie that came out.

[42:14] But also, in passing, I want to say also, now that Obama's president, I saw No End in Sight, the Iraq War documentary.

[42:25] You know, just to look back on the mistakes of recent history.

[42:29] And if you want to see a movie that makes you feel sad and angry and scared, if those are emotions that you enjoy...

[42:38] 27 Dresses!

[42:39] I would recommend 27 Dresses.

[42:41] Imagine the guy in the video store who's got 27 dresses in one hand and 28 days later in the other hand.

[42:46] He's like, 28 is more than 27, so do I have to see 27 dresses first or?

[42:52] Elliot, what do you have to recommend?

[42:54] I don't remember if in the past I've recommended the movie The Fall or not.

[42:59] I think I might have, but I saw that again recently, and I think it's really great.

[43:03] What, Legends of the Fall?

[43:04] No, not Legends of the Fall.

[43:05] Wait, Tarseem Singh's The Fall?

[43:08] Yeah, Tarseem Singh's The Fall.

[43:09] The guy who directed The Cell?

[43:10] Directed the Cell.

[43:11] The most terrible movie.

[43:13] Which is a terrible movie, but this is like, you can tell watching it that this is the movie kind of,

[43:18] and I was just reading about it today, that basically he made a good amount of money making commercials,

[43:23] and he decided, well, this is the movie I'm going to spend this money on.

[43:27] And so he spent his own money and several years of his life in his spare time making this very beautiful to look at movie

[43:34] that I find very touching also.

[43:36] But when it came out, the reviews were very mixed.

[43:38] It was like, there's a lot of pretty pictures, but the story never really comes together.

[43:43] But it comes together very well for me.

[43:45] So I'd recommend that one if you haven't seen it, which you probably haven't because it was not released very much.

[43:51] And otherwise, I saw Frost-Nixon recently, and that was pretty good too.

[43:56] The Fall was a movie that I'm crying at the end of.

[43:59] Frost-Nixon was a movie I was like, that was a good movie, but that's coming into a theater near you.

[44:04] Wow.

[44:05] I went to see – I will say this is my business-dropping section of the podcast is I went to see that at a WGA screener where Ron Howard, one of the producers, were doing a discussion afterwards, and John Waters was in the audience sitting not too far away from where I was.

[44:22] And during the question and answer session, John Waters asked the most perfectly John Waters question when he goes – he goes, now you had Pat McCormick from The Bad Seed playing Richard Nixon's wife, Pat Nixon.

[44:36] Was that – that was a good – was that like a nice – like on purpose a cameo there?

[44:41] and ron howard's like no that was a coincidence that the woman from the but i just love that

[44:45] john waters is watching the movie and probably recognizes the woman playing nixon uh mrs nixon

[44:50] and then sees in the credits that it's uh the that it's the woman who you know 50 years ago

[44:56] played the little girl in the bad seed and made the connection in his head and it was like oh

[45:00] john waters you're a treasure never change that was i'm not a huge fan of ron howard as a director

[45:06] But I thought he did a pretty good job

[45:08] Frost Nixon

[45:09] Wait a minute, he did A Beautiful Mind

[45:12] He did A Beautiful Mind, which I hate

[45:13] That movie was quack-tastic

[45:15] I think that's the worst

[45:17] I would say it's the worst best picture

[45:20] Winner of the last 10 years

[45:22] But I think Crash edges it out

[45:23] Yeah, I guess so

[45:26] Gladiator's not a great movie

[45:28] Chicago's not a great movie

[45:29] They're not terrible movies

[45:30] Beautiful Mind is a bad movie

[45:32] I don't enjoy Gladiator, I enjoy Chicago

[45:36] chicago i enjoyed but it was like it was so disposable like that's just you just you love

[45:41] bridget jones diaries but we've come to terms with anything with renee zellweger you love

[45:46] that cold mountain cold mountain uh you love come on i can't even think of any jerry mcguire you love

[45:54] i'm having trouble thinking of renee renee zellweger movies uh appaloosa was she in that

[46:00] i don't know let's say she was the next generation oh my god that movie is the worst

[46:05] movie ever with matthew mcconaughey i know i want to kill myself i almost killed myself watching

[46:10] that movie it was so bad i like bad movies and i like them i like them and this one was really bad

[46:16] it's been a while since i've done this sort of thing on the show but um i want to say thank you

[46:22] to everyone who keeps going to podcast alley.com and voting for our show we get you know three or

[46:29] 244 votes a month steadily, which is great.

[46:33] And we're always ranked within the top 50 of comedy podcasts.

[46:38] Get us to number one.

[46:40] Well, I am declaring in November that this is the Flophouse pledge drive.

[46:47] You don't have to pay any money.

[46:48] Yes, you do.

[46:48] This is not like a PBS pledge drive.

[46:50] Oh, okay.

[46:51] But if you want a copy of Caesar's Writers on VHS, you will pay us money.

[46:55] Flophouse tote bag.

[46:56] You will have to give us money.

[46:58] But this is a pledge drive for listeners because, you know what, Elliot's fancy television job aside, this is a rinky-dink organization.

[47:08] We don't have a publicist.

[47:09] We don't have any advertising.

[47:10] All we have is listeners like you.

[47:12] You're the real backbone of this project.

[47:15] So I would urge you to go to Podcast Alley, vote for us, juke the stats.

[47:21] Don't vote multiple times.

[47:23] Don't juke them that much.

[47:24] That's what we should print up posters with our faces that says, juke the stats.

[47:28] Exclamation point.

[47:29] I don't even know what that means.

[47:30] They can put them up in elementary schools next to the soda machine.

[47:33] You're like a wire fan and you don't even know what juked the statue.

[47:34] Oh, I didn't know that was a real.

[47:36] Anyway, I'd like to thank all of the people who linked to us from their personal websites.

[47:41] We actually get a lot of traffic through links like that.

[47:44] If you're willing to put up a link for us, please do so.

[47:48] If you contact us, we could put up a reciprocal link on our website.

[47:52] Do whatever.

[47:53] And I'm saying this, if anyone can prove somehow that they've brought in a lot of new listeners,

[47:59] I don't know, maybe there's something in it for them.

[48:01] I don't know what it is.

[48:02] Well, we've got to start a new Flophouse contest.

[48:04] Yeah.

[48:05] Since the last one, the prize was technically never claimed.

[48:07] It's still there.

[48:08] We still have it.

[48:09] Well, the Hoopable prize was claimed.

[48:11] Okay, well, I meant the Flop It Up with the Floppers, whatever that contest was called.

[48:15] It's true.

[48:16] Yeah, I'd still do that, man.

[48:17] You know, get us some listeners, listeners.

[48:19] And if you want to write in, as always, the email is theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[48:26] Website, theflophousepodcast.blogspot.com.

[48:30] And that's all I want to say business-wise.

[48:32] I've sucked the air out of the room with that.

[48:34] I'm just touched by the sincerity of that thanks and plea for more assistance.

[48:39] I think making a joke right now would be unbecoming of me.

[48:43] It'd be kind of crass.

[48:44] Yeah.

[48:45] But would it be unbecoming of your mustache?

[48:47] No.

[48:48] My mustache wants to make a comment about boobs again.

[48:51] I'll keep it down, then.

[48:53] I got it under control.

[48:54] Oh, you know, oh, that's it.

[48:56] That's the movie I'm going to make.

[48:57] It's called Lustash.

[48:58] And you're, like, a very prim guy, but you grow a mustache, and the mustache is really horny.

[49:03] So you end up getting into sexy situations with mishaps and misunderstandings because of your mustache.

[49:08] That is an awesome movie.

[49:10] It's called Lustash.

[49:10] It's like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation.

[49:12] Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Mustache?

[49:14] Yeah, and the mustache just wants to tickle ladies in special places.

[49:17] Yeah, sure.

[49:18] what dan just said is that yeah it'd be kind of like good luck chuck but but awesomer but instead

[49:26] of seeing dane cook in hardcore porn situations it'd be stewart wellington in hardcore porn

[49:31] situations i don't know if there'd have to be hardcore porn situations i mean come on this is

[49:35] pg-13 maybe oh it's a pg-13 movie with lust in the title okay well sure this is a this this is

[49:42] one of the disappointing usa up all nights yeah oh you mean all of them well sure they've all

[49:47] been edited for content however when i was a middle schooler oh no certainly i was excited

[49:53] whenever a bikini car wash listen i was excited just to see ronda sheer in the in the framing

[49:57] segment sure i mean at the gilbert godfrey not so much i think some of the key like see instead

[50:02] of hardcore sex there'd be like like a shot of a chick taking her top off and like a boing sound

[50:08] effect and the mustache hairs go yeah and like my hair would be shot up in the air like yeah

[50:14] that'd be awesome eventually the climax involves the mustache i guess trying to tear itself off

[50:19] of your face to get at a woman yeah like you chain yourself to a bed or something like that

[50:23] so make sure that mustache can't get you into any more trouble like at the end of 40 days and 40

[50:28] nights i haven't seen that where he ties himself to a bed and then gets raped by a girl that's

[50:34] it's a comedy it's supposed to be a comedy it's a horrible i feel like throw that throw that movie

[50:39] Throw it away.

[50:40] Buy it and throw it away.

[50:42] The person who's listening to this while holding a copy of 40 Days and 40 Nights.

[50:45] Throw it away.

[50:46] Unfortunately, I feel like we've just written like a trauma film, you know?

[50:50] What do you mean, unfortunately?

[50:51] Well, trauma, you know, that's a studio where I always feel like I should enjoy the movies.

[50:55] I'm glad that they exist.

[50:56] I'm glad that that company exists.

[50:59] But then I watch one of the movies, I'm like, yeah, all right.

[51:01] This will be trauma done right.

[51:03] It's kind of like Kevin Smith movies for me.

[51:05] Like, I'm glad he's making movies, but I'm always underwhelmed.

[51:09] Yeah.

[51:09] I like him more as a personality than I do as a director.

[51:12] Yeah.

[51:12] I like him more as the bald, bearded guy at the end of Southland Tales than anything else.

[51:18] Fucking dick.

[51:19] Nobody else saw that movie.

[51:21] Oh, you had...

[51:22] I saw that movie because I knew nobody else would see it,

[51:25] and I needed proof that it existed.

[51:27] I needed my memories.

[51:28] And all we have is our memories.

[51:30] On that note, thanks for listening to the Flophouse Dudes.

[51:33] My name is Dan McCoy.

[51:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[51:36] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[51:38] Good night.

[51:39] Southland Tales, huh? What the fuck?

[51:40] I thought you were going to say that Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade was on.

[51:48] Or the Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure.

[51:51] Great, they haven't shown that movie in years.

[51:53] I know, but, um, so...

[51:55] At least Dan's was current.

[51:57] Dan, you raised a good question, though.

[51:59] Why didn't they continue the Alabama Jones series?

[52:02] Well, they started out with the last one.

[52:05] They didn't spoof...

[52:06] They should have started with Raiders of the Lost Boobs or something like that.

[52:09] Yeah, Raiders of the Panty Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[52:12] Yeah, Raiders of the Lost Bust.

[52:13] It has to have bust or boob or something in there.

[52:16] Yeah.

[52:16] Because that's their whole thing.

[52:17] Let's start the thing.

[52:18] Boobers of the Lost Bust.

[52:21] Boobers.

[52:23] Alabama Boobs and the...

[52:25] And the Boobs.

[52:26] And the Boobs Patrol.

[52:27] Alabama Breasts and the Boobers of the Lost Bust.

[52:31] Okay, that's...

[52:34] There's, like, the reality show I want to pitch to Fox, World's Most Unexpected Boobs.

[52:37] Situations where people didn't expect there to be boobs.

[52:43] But there are.

[52:45] I think that's every, like, European comic prank show.

[52:49] Can I be the host?

The Flop House: Episode #27 - 27 Dresses

Transcript

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