The Flop House: Episode #28 - Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

[0:00] Just in time for the gift-centered holiday of your choice, we discuss the Toy Store film Mr. McGoriam's Wonder Emporium.

[0:31] Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:38] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:40] So, we're all back together.

[0:43] Yeah, that's cool.

[0:44] Back together again.

[0:45] Sure.

[0:46] Just like that song from Up at Stake Manhattan.

[0:48] I don't remember that part.

[0:49] It must have been a really good movie to draw us all together, though, right?

[0:53] What about Reunited and It Feels So Good?

[0:56] That's not a movie.

[0:57] That's a song, though.

[0:58] Your mic's drooping really weird.

[1:00] I know. This mic is having trouble staying erect.

[1:02] Yeah.

[1:03] It needs Mike Agra.

[1:05] Yeah, I was...

[1:06] It's not even a pun.

[1:07] I just took a word and put it into another word.

[1:10] It's called a portmanteau.

[1:12] Yeah.

[1:13] If my mic stays erect for more than four hours, I have to call a mic doctor.

[1:16] Nice.

[1:17] Before the end of this podcast, I'll have thought of a good joke.

[1:21] Okay. You got time.

[1:22] Okay.

[1:23] The word priapism. Try and work that in.

[1:25] Okay. It's a really big word, though.

[1:27] So...

[1:28] It is a very big word for a very big thing.

[1:31] For the holidays...

[1:33] Wait.

[1:34] The holidays.

[1:35] Holidays.

[1:37] Because I'm part of a war on Christmas.

[1:40] I'm Christian.

[1:41] Stuart, you worship the old ones.

[1:44] And Ellie, you're Jewish.

[1:47] Yes.

[1:48] Seriousness.

[1:49] I worship the oldest one.

[1:50] Hmm.

[1:51] So we don't want to exclude anyone,

[1:55] but we watched a movie about toys.

[1:58] Was that movie Toys?

[2:00] No.

[2:01] Robin Williams?

[2:02] I kind of wish it was, and then I remembered that that movie wasn't very good.

[2:05] Except I really liked how at the end of that movie, where LL Cool J gets in some action scenes,

[2:10] and all the action scenes are really shaky, like Ridley Scott shot it.

[2:14] Ridley Scott didn't make that movie, right?

[2:15] No.

[2:16] No, that was Barry Levinson.

[2:17] I like that there was the...

[2:18] Best known for Diner.

[2:20] The worst toy at the end, the kind of pig-squid thing in the giant well,

[2:24] and you never really got to see it.

[2:25] It was like a Dianoga, but you never really got to see it,

[2:28] and I just remember seeing the movie and being like,

[2:30] what market was there for that toy?

[2:32] Even a military market.

[2:33] It's just some horrible thing that lives in the bottom of a well.

[2:36] The thing that really bugged me about Toys, I mean, obviously...

[2:40] Let's discuss this 13-year-old movie.

[2:42] No, but even when I saw it at the time, when I was much younger and stupider,

[2:48] I thought, okay, well, this whole film has been building up this anti-war sentiment,

[2:54] and they're like, oh, these peaceful toys are going to be taken over

[2:57] and made into war toys.

[2:59] And then at the end, how do they defeat the war toys?

[3:02] The peaceful toys fight them in a war.

[3:05] They have to learn to stand up on their own two toy feet.

[3:07] I went to that movie expecting something really exciting,

[3:11] like a Tim Burton movie, or at the very least,

[3:15] like Mom and Dad Save the World, or Stay Tuned.

[3:19] Well, you know, there was that thrilling...

[3:20] Stay Tuned is an underrated film that I've not seen since I was 15 years old.

[3:24] It does have that Chuck Jones sequence.

[3:26] You're looking at me as if you don't believe it.

[3:29] I just didn't remember.

[3:30] The animated sequence was done by Chuck Jones.

[3:32] In Toys or Stay Tuned?

[3:33] In Stay Tuned.

[3:34] Oh, okay, I remember that.

[3:35] In Toys, all I remember is the fake music video that they pipe into the security guards

[3:40] so they can sneak into the building.

[3:42] You were probably too thrilled, Stuart,

[3:45] by the trailer of Robin Williams standing in tall grass.

[3:50] Yeah, well, it was just...

[3:51] It does combine both things you love.

[3:53] Tall grass and Robin Williams.

[3:55] Yeah, well, I was going through this big Fisher King...

[3:58] You know what would make Patch Adams better?

[4:00] If it took place on a prairie.

[4:02] Or on the Serengeti.

[4:04] Yeah, I mean, I was going through a real Fisher King phase,

[4:07] and, wait, Robin Williams was in Fisher King, right?

[4:09] Yes.

[4:10] Yeah, so I naturally thought Toys would have scratched that itch, but it didn't.

[4:16] Yeah.

[4:17] It wasn't very good.

[4:18] And it didn't have, say, Terry Gilliam at the helm.

[4:21] No.

[4:22] Or Jeff Bridges as well.

[4:24] Listen, Michael Gambon got a paycheck, that's all I care about.

[4:27] Yeah.

[4:28] Oh, yeah.

[4:29] LL Cool J got to be cool.

[4:31] Joan Cusack played some sort of robot woman, was she?

[4:34] Yeah, Joan Cusack was the best thing about that movie, which is not saying a lot.

[4:38] Well, and we've said this before in the podcast, she's the best thing about any movie.

[4:41] That's probably true.

[4:43] I don't know if I'm being heard on the microphone.

[4:45] I'd have to think.

[4:46] I mean, it takes a while.

[4:48] I mean, not any movie.

[4:49] She's not the best thing about, like, The Manchurian Candidate.

[4:51] She's not in it, yeah.

[4:53] She's not the best thing about...

[4:55] I'm having trouble thinking of a movie she's in that she's not the best thing in.

[4:59] I'm still getting long pauses into the things I can edit out later.

[5:02] I'd like to have something to do.

[5:04] You need a point where you can cut to a shot of a robot in a tuxedo sitting at a boardroom table.

[5:09] Ooh, that sounds like a movie I just saw.

[5:11] Or a reference to a movie I just saw.

[5:13] Well, both, yes.

[5:14] That movie was called Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.

[5:18] And as always with any movie where the title rhymes, it was great.

[5:23] Well, it's a good sign.

[5:24] Has there ever been a good movie with a rhyming title?

[5:27] Probably.

[5:28] Okay, well, that was very fair of you.

[5:30] The Gay Divorcee.

[5:32] The Gay Divorcee, there you go.

[5:34] Not the best, Astaire Rogers, but still very good.

[5:37] That's the movie we watched, right?

[5:39] The Gay Divorcee.

[5:40] Yeah, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.

[5:41] Yeah, we watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, a movie I was very excited to watch.

[5:44] Yeah, again.

[5:45] Because it seems wrong-headed on every level.

[5:47] Okay.

[5:48] This movie really brought whimsy back to the national conversation.

[5:52] That's exactly what it did.

[5:54] In all the wrong ways.

[5:56] Remember how, after Mr. Magorium came out, there was so much whimsy,

[5:59] and people were just running around doing crazy things?

[6:02] Didn't this movie come out around the same time as that movie where the animated girl comes to?

[6:09] Enchanted?

[6:10] Yeah.

[6:11] This was a little before then, I think.

[6:12] Okay.

[6:13] No, I was talking about Cool World, dude.

[6:15] Okay, this was far after that.

[6:18] But I love Cool World.

[6:20] It's the movie that introduces you to Gabriel Byrne,

[6:22] and then doesn't tell you for a little bit that he is not the hero of the film.

[6:26] In fact, almost a side character at times.

[6:29] That is so true.

[6:31] Why bother?

[6:32] It's also the movie that's like,

[6:34] okay, well, we're going to have sort of the traditional Hollywood narrative

[6:38] that's going to be shunted off to the side at every opportunity

[6:41] to have crazy Ralph Bakshi characters doing things in the sides of the screen

[6:46] that would horrify you.

[6:48] It's very much a movie where you can see Ralph Bakshi

[6:51] arguing with the producers of the film in every single frame.

[6:55] I was originally talking about Enchanted.

[6:58] Wasn't that also an attempt to capture America's love of whimsy?

[7:02] A little bit, but that one made a little bit more sense.

[7:05] It had one clear gimmick, and Disney was doing it,

[7:08] and it was Disney being like,

[7:09] look at this, we can make fun of ourselves too.

[7:12] And Amy Adams, America's new sweetheart,

[7:15] was very sweetheart-y in that movie.

[7:18] She was adorable.

[7:19] The alliterative sweetheart, Amy Adams, daughter of John Adams.

[7:23] Adamses are very popular right now.

[7:25] There's a long gap.

[7:26] John Adams, Samuel Adams.

[7:29] John Quincy Adams.

[7:30] John Quincy Adams.

[7:32] Madam I'm Adams.

[7:34] Mr. McGor...

[7:36] Everyone's favorite palindrome.

[7:38] Yeah.

[7:39] Living palindrome.

[7:40] So Mr. McGorriam's wandering porn.

[7:42] It's a wonderful place.

[7:43] He's a supervillain, the palindromic man.

[7:45] Backwards or forwards, I'll put up a fight!

[7:50] That's my new supervillain character.

[7:51] That's pretty good.

[7:52] You can't sneak up on him.

[7:53] No, you can't.

[7:54] He's got eyes in the back of his head.

[7:55] Anyway...

[7:56] We talk less and less about the movie every week.

[7:58] Well, let's talk about Mr. McGorriam's wandering porn,

[8:00] which was like Willy Wonka,

[8:02] if Willy Wonka had serious blood loss,

[8:05] and was really weak,

[8:06] and his skin was all...

[8:08] the skin of the movie was all pale.

[8:09] And imagine...

[8:10] He mumbled a lot, right?

[8:11] Who, Mr. McGorriam?

[8:12] Yeah.

[8:13] Yeah.

[8:14] He mumbled...

[8:15] He talked kind of like Murderface from Metal Oculus a little bit.

[8:18] Oh, sure.

[8:19] Imagine instead of Gene Wilder,

[8:21] or even Johnny Depp,

[8:23] you had...

[8:24] No matter what you say about that movie,

[8:26] it's a pale shadow of the original.

[8:28] Johnny Depp is very good in that role.

[8:30] It's a really good performance.

[8:31] I think there's a lot to like about the remake.

[8:33] There's a lot to like about the original,

[8:35] there's a lot to like about the remake.

[8:36] I think that people still...

[8:37] Well, the original's a classic, so...

[8:39] Yeah.

[8:40] Well, and also,

[8:41] I haven't made the mistake myself,

[8:42] I call it a remake.

[8:43] It's not a remake.

[8:44] They're both based on the same book.

[8:46] In fact, in a lot of ways,

[8:47] the second film

[8:49] hews closer to the Dahl book.

[8:52] Yeah.

[8:53] Dahl is right.

[8:55] Take that, Rowald.

[8:56] Man, good one.

[8:58] But Gene Wilder's great,

[9:01] as Willy Wonka.

[9:02] Will Dahl wrote one of the Bond movies, didn't he?

[9:05] He worked on it, yeah, yeah.

[9:06] I think he wrote the script.

[9:07] Yeah, I think you're right.

[9:08] He also wrote a bunch of semi-pornographic novels.

[9:12] They were all part of the same circle.

[9:13] Him and Ian Fleming and Kingsley Amis were all friends.

[9:18] That's why Kingsley Amis wrote the first non-Ian Fleming Bond book

[9:21] under a pseudonym, after Fleming died.

[9:23] But before we started talking in circles,

[9:25] I was gonna say that Dustin Hoffman as Mr. McGoriam...

[9:28] Just teaching people about Kingsley Amis.

[9:30] Dustin Hoffman as Mr. McGoriam in this movie.

[9:33] It's as if he was like,

[9:34] I'm gonna play Willy Wonka,

[9:36] but I'm gonna do it as a gay character actor

[9:38] from, I don't know, the late 50s.

[9:41] And he got hit on the head at some point,

[9:43] and he's gotten a lot of brain damage.

[9:48] It's like if, what's his name,

[9:51] Franklin Pangborn from the old 30s movies

[9:54] was Willy Wonka.

[9:56] He's the guy, whenever you see a 30s movie,

[9:58] and there's a hotel manager who gets flustered.

[10:00] that's Franklin Pangborn I think his name is like really we don't let that

[10:04] happen in this hotel like or like a less high-pitched more lispy Edwin yeah or

[10:12] Jeff let's let's face it if Charles Nelson Reilly played Willy Wonka this

[10:15] is that yeah and if name drop is a sidekick that was a boyish praying

[10:22] mantis of a girl which is Natalie Portman Natalie Natalie Portmanteau

[10:27] Natalie Portman Natalie Portmanteau I'm writing my mad magazine parody of mr.

[10:34] mcglorian's wonderful mr. black warriors wonder wonder black for you yeah that's

[10:40] that's good drawn by Jack Davis oh I wish I wish if I could walk work with

[10:45] Jack Davis from Port Drucker ah that'd be awesome that'd be as awesome as the

[10:49] he-man original cell that someone gave me today but anyway that's that's besides

[10:52] the point now you're cell dropping but anyway we were we were at home of how

[10:57] Natalie Portman looks weird well she is she is not I think any of our idea of

[11:02] the perfect woman very severe that was your word to describe it severe in this

[11:09] and in this one they've particularly desexed her because it's a children's

[11:12] film I guess but let's go do you want me to go over the plot of mr. quickly

[11:16] there's a magic toy store in an unnamed city that wait a minute called mr.

[11:20] mcglorian's wonder emporium it works on magic everyone agrees to this magic it

[11:24] just is mr. mcglorian is Dustin Hoffman he's over 200 years old and which means

[11:29] he must have killed somebody at some point you gotta you gotta assume it was

[11:32] a much brutal or time back then and he runs the store Natalie Portman is named

[11:37] Mahoney and works for him and there's a kid who's amazingly talented at

[11:40] everything but has no friends because he's a loner and he has big ears and

[11:44] wears hats all the time he has any as he collects hats and wears a different hat

[11:47] all the time he's kind of gay too Dustin Hoffman he says I'm leaving soon

[11:51] so I gotta hire an accountant he hires Jason Bateman who we actually were never

[11:55] given the backstory on him he just doesn't believe in magic he's a normal

[11:58] person just like a nerd or something yeah and throughout say nerd I would say

[12:01] he's a sane he's a professional yeah throughout the film walks into a toy

[12:05] store and doesn't assume it's magic or throughout the movie we're given we're

[12:10] given many many situations in which Jason Bateman is a normal person

[12:13] everyone else is cuckoo wacky and you know irritating and then mr. McGorriam

[12:19] I do I should I spoil it for the people at home sure okay he's leaving this is

[12:23] all stolen from Harold and Maude so he died he plans to die on a certain day

[12:27] and he does and Natalie Portman doesn't believe it and the store doesn't like it

[12:31] because the store is sentient and it's kind of strange yeah and the store

[12:35] scared that once mr. McGorriam goes no one will believe in him and leave it in

[12:39] anymore and he creates that self-fulfilling prophecy by becoming

[12:42] and boring the store that is Natalie Portman doesn't know what to do and then

[12:46] in the end everyone believes in themselves and magic comes back and

[12:49] store is okay yeah and it's kind of toys are purchasable and this is the thing

[12:54] it's a magic store there's all sorts of crazy characters running around Kermit

[12:58] is shopping in it at some at one point yeah that this what I like to believe is

[13:05] also it's a magic store so Kermit can exist in it but outside of the store

[13:08] he's just a puppet so is he trapped there is he a prisoner of the store

[13:12] there's a 10-second shot of Kermit like just like just like him walking along

[13:16] with a basket and like all these then they catch a bunch of kids like bug-eyed

[13:20] and I'm just like what just shopping just like doing like your Kermit sounds

[13:24] so much like Hank Hill yeah sorry miss Piggy that gonzo ain't right yeah but uh

[13:33] but a better gonzo let's hear it this looks familiar it's pretty good

[13:39] vaguely familiar you sound like whoever does Gonzo's voice um oh shit he was my

[13:46] favorite character as a kid I'm surprised I don't know who does it as a

[13:51] kid he was now I like Kermit cuz I'm a saner individual okay but um anyway

[13:57] it's just like walking along shopping what was gonzo again he was a gonzo okay

[14:01] yeah in the non-canonical Muppets from Space

[14:06] they really decided what's in the cannon it was after Henson died where does so

[14:13] Christmas Carol Muppet Christmas Carol that's not the canon Treasure Island

[14:16] Treasure Island no everything after takes Manhattan meet the feebles is that

[14:20] in the cannon along with Lord of the Rings yeah take place in the same

[14:28] universe just very different time but anyway the weird thing is it's mr.

[14:30] McGorriam's Wonder Emporium it's all like stuffed animals and wooden toys and

[14:34] you know the kinds of things that Santa would make in his finger paints but then

[14:38] there's also like connects and like automobile figures Hot Wheels very

[14:42] prominently placed like Slinky's all these name-brand toys and it's like pay

[14:47] the bill so I think mr. McGorriam knows which side of the bread is buttered you

[14:51] know he knows he needs to put out some some hot like I was expecting it and a

[14:55] Robo Sapiens up the shitter there's Robo Sapiens everywhere in that store but I

[15:00] was expecting at one point just a shot of kids playing Xbox or something like

[15:04] if you're selling all these Robo Sapiens of things why have a room full of rubber

[15:07] balls or you know there's other nonsense he's got a mobile made of live fish he

[15:14] has a room that you can set to different settings like one of them balls

[15:18] you know the first thing I think of is not necessarily sure rubber balls when I

[15:23] just see balls on something but you open the door and a bunch of CGI balls bounce

[15:27] around yeah a lot of CGI in this movie which is another problem

[15:30] just magical stuff but then yeah just magic just magic your average magical

[15:35] shit well see I believe in magic so I don't mr. McGorriam will to store to me

[15:40] there'd be no problem hint hint mr. McGorriam if you're listening but they

[15:45] think like and also everything was CGI it's like one of the great things about

[15:48] Willy Wonka the original the really one kind of chocolate factories that it's

[15:52] like everything looks not real like those Oompa Loompas look like real

[15:56] Oompa Loompas but like it all exists in a physical space like even when Mike TV

[16:01] is shrunk down it still has the because it's him and he's not shrunk into like a

[16:06] CGI Mike TV it still looks there's a certain amount of real at reality to it

[16:10] and Stuart this is something that you picked up on and we're very critical of

[16:13] throughout the very very biting commentary but yeah no that was the

[16:20] thing like do you think they chose to put shitty CGI in there because they're

[16:24] like a bunch of fucking kids are gonna watch this I don't give a shit possibly

[16:27] I think they they just didn't like everyone's gonna be paying attention to

[16:31] Dustin Hoffman he's gonna be magnetic so like I said at the time the climax of

[16:38] the film hinges on a magical block of wood and it's just a block of wood it's

[16:42] like supposed to be just a block wood but then it flies around the store it's

[16:46] magic and I was like oh it's good that they did that in CGI cuz a block of wood

[16:50] isn't something you can just get anywhere well I think they originally

[16:53] shot it without a block of wood oh it's a CGI block of wait probably like a

[16:59] tennis ball yep and I mean I think they're kind of relying on Jason

[17:04] Bateman's amazing performance is just he I again he's got Joan Cusack syndrome

[17:08] he's the best thing in whatever he's in yeah I mean I didn't see the kingdom

[17:13] including Teen Wolf 2 well he's the star of that film but there was let's Hancock

[17:19] he's in Hancock and Hancock which I haven't seen yet I was so hoping when

[17:23] the posters for Hancock first came out it was just Will Smith scrunching his

[17:26] face up and just at Hancock I was so hoping that he was somehow playing John

[17:30] Hancock and it was like the British think they can shut down my smuggling

[17:34] operation whatever sign my name or a modern version like John Hancock comes

[17:41] back yeah in the body of a black guy was that movie to learn a little thing

[17:46] about racism soul man was well there's more than one movie called small man

[17:49] but oh god oh but if we can talk we're talking about really good special but if

[17:54] we can talk he's full of them what were you talking if we can talk about story

[17:58] structure for a second as I'm sure everyone who's taken my learning annex

[18:01] class would have been able to tell the there's just scene after scene of well

[18:07] whimsy very forced like this store is crazy and full of magic and then it

[18:12] takes forever for the story to kick in and then it just kind of like lurches

[18:15] forward in steps and there are things that don't make sense like none of the

[18:19] characters backgrounds really fleshed out that much there's a guy there's a

[18:22] huge mustachioed guy who at the beginning of the movie we're told it's

[18:26] narrated by the kid with no friends he says this is you know Bellini he writes

[18:30] the story and you'll see it and then it's kind of forgotten like Bellini

[18:35] finishes writing the book what 20 minutes before the movie ends even made

[18:40] the kid even makes a point like this is one of my favorite stories it's like

[18:43] hold on there now kid don't church it up too much and also they should have

[18:49] named Bellini stromboli that's that goes without saying but also you start the

[18:52] movie at two levels of removed like okay so this kid is talking about the

[18:56] story this other guy wrote and I guess I'm gonna see that but so that that's a

[19:00] terrible frame that they framed it because if they just done it as a

[19:04] straight narrative can you imagine the mess you know you have to tell like am I

[19:08] watching a story right now yeah did he make this up or is this supposed to be

[19:14] in my imagination right now I don't I don't know what's going on am I am I

[19:18] watching a movie I don't remember am I alive or am I in heaven the but that's

[19:24] like even if it's a movie for kids documentary it's a movie for kids so it

[19:29] has to be a little simpler like it can't be Chinatown but you can still have a

[19:33] story that moves from scene to scene and isn't it isn't like set piece the

[19:38] purpose of this set piece is to show that magic is wonderful scene 2 now

[19:43] we're gonna show that mr. Magorium believes in magic scene 3 mr. Magorium

[19:47] says something crazy scene 4 magic is wonderful look at those hot wheels and

[19:52] some by Hot Wheels kids and for some reason Simmons mattresses they go to a

[19:56] mattress store at one point and there's a big Simmons sign in the background and

[19:59] it's

[20:00] Well, let's talk about this.

[20:02] Natalie Portman is so disturbed by the idea

[20:04] that Mr. McGorin is going to die sometime,

[20:06] in spite of the fact that he is 250 years old

[20:09] and is probably praying for death at this point.

[20:11] Yeah, well, the inside of his body is still.

[20:13] Barely alive.

[20:15] So she forcibly has him admitted into the hospital,

[20:20] being like, this guy's crazy.

[20:23] See, he's always talking about how he's 250 years old

[20:25] and has a magic toy store.

[20:27] That can see it ends after about four seconds.

[20:31] Well, the doctor's like, there's nothing physically wrong

[20:33] with him, so we can't hold him.

[20:34] I'm like, what about the fact that he's crazy?

[20:36] Yeah, but it's not a, I mean, it's a hospital.

[20:38] It's not a mental institution.

[20:39] Do they do tests on him?

[20:40] Like, could they tell?

[20:41] Like, can't you do something like what they do with a tree

[20:44] and figure out how old he is?

[20:46] Yeah, they cut him open and they counted his brains.

[20:48] You're like, can't they do tests to prove that he's magic?

[20:53] You're scoring very high on our magicometer.

[20:55] His urine starts flying around the room.

[20:59] Mr. McGlorian's McGlorian count is incredibly high.

[21:02] Through the roof.

[21:03] You could be the next, wait, what do they call him?

[21:06] I don't know.

[21:06] He has some special name for Anakin, right?

[21:08] Yeah, but like, and at that point, of course,

[21:10] Natalie Portman would be like, oh, not again.

[21:13] Yeah.

[21:14] Annie.

[21:15] She was in Star Wars movies.

[21:17] Sure.

[21:19] She played Queen Amygdala.

[21:21] She had babies, Darth Vader's babies.

[21:23] And then she died out of a lack of will to live.

[21:26] That was so, it's like she lost the will to live.

[21:29] And I got so mad, I was like, what about her fucking kids

[21:31] she just had?

[21:32] It's thinking of all, like, a robot?

[21:34] Like, was that, like, animal?

[21:35] I do love that the robot, there's

[21:36] a nurse bot that knows human emotion better than the Jedi's

[21:40] do.

[21:40] Like, that scene would have worked so much better

[21:42] if she died and the nurse bot was like, I don't understand.

[21:45] Her vital signs are fine.

[21:47] And someone said, she just lost the will to live.

[21:49] And the robot's like, huh?

[21:51] And looks confused.

[21:51] And then melts.

[21:52] Yeah, and then melts out of the logic loop.

[21:55] Yeah, shooting out sparks out of her teeth.

[21:57] It's just like the Kobayashi Maru.

[21:58] Or there's a later scene where you see the robot at home,

[22:00] where the robot's like, I didn't have the heart to tell them

[22:04] I never passed my robotic medical exam.

[22:06] I've been practicing without a robot license.

[22:10] Oh, I lost the will to live, I guess that's, really?

[22:12] Because they're bleeding all over the place.

[22:14] Is that really what?

[22:15] Man, 15 of your patients lost the will to live this week.

[22:19] It's terrible.

[22:20] You got the worst luck, nurse bot.

[22:22] Yeah, I know, pretty bad, huh?

[22:25] Beep, beep, boop, boop.

[22:26] Oh, rats.

[22:28] Now it's someone just pretending to be a robot?

[22:30] Yeah, pretty much.

[22:31] Beep, beep, boop, boop.

[22:34] No java, wonga.

[22:36] But after Natalie Portman comes to her senses and is like,

[22:41] oh, OK, everyone has to die sometime, or whatever.

[22:43] Yeah, it's basically the Mr. Hooper episode

[22:45] of Sesame Street, but worse.

[22:47] She's like, I'm going to show you the best, most whimsical day

[22:50] you've ever had before you die.

[22:51] What whimsy the shit out of you?

[22:53] Yeah, she's like, I'm going to be five times as whimsical

[22:56] as the character I play in Garden State.

[22:58] And that was whimsical.

[23:00] That shit was fucking retarded.

[23:02] But yeah, and their attempt at showing how great life is

[23:07] was them jumping on fucking mattresses in a mattress store

[23:11] and ruining people's day.

[23:12] Yeah, they go to a mattress store.

[23:13] And then they went to a clock shop,

[23:15] and they set all the clocks to go off.

[23:18] Yeah, but when they're jumping on those mattresses,

[23:21] they were just literally jumping on two mattresses

[23:23] side by side.

[23:23] They didn't jump from mattress to mattress.

[23:25] No, they didn't do anything fun.

[23:27] Yeah, and then there's a cut to it,

[23:28] like a big mustachioed guy being like, I guess, holy shit,

[23:31] they're ruining the springs in my mattresses.

[23:33] He's the manager of the mattress store.

[23:35] And he's not going to sell those.

[23:37] How's he going to feed his family?

[23:38] I want to give him the back story of the salesman who

[23:40] sold me my mattress years ago, who

[23:42] told me all about how he came back from Vietnam

[23:44] and worked his way up through the mattress business.

[23:47] So I think that he was that guy.

[23:48] On his back.

[23:50] I'm just trying to fill in the background

[23:51] of these characters who exist only as cartoons.

[23:54] And then the piece de resistance of this day of life,

[23:59] this celebration of the joy of life, is Mr. Wellington.

[24:03] They unroll a big thing of like a packing, whatever,

[24:07] packing, what do you call it?

[24:08] Bubble wrap.

[24:08] Yeah, bubble wrap.

[24:10] And she has him dance on it, and he pops it a bunch.

[24:15] And she laughs and laughs and laughs.

[24:19] Laughs her full head off.

[24:20] Why does bubble wrap go hand in hand with childhood glee?

[24:26] Have you ever popped bubble wrap?

[24:27] It is fun to pop.

[24:28] I enjoy it, but I don't think that's the last thing

[24:31] I want to do before I die, though.

[24:32] And then he used a public pay phone to call somebody.

[24:35] Yeah, why does that reaffirm his will to live?

[24:38] Like, oh my god, this is what life is all about.

[24:40] But it doesn't reaffirm his will to live,

[24:41] because he dies afterwards.

[24:42] Why does she think it will reaffirm it?

[24:44] Why?

[24:45] Because she's stupid.

[24:47] He could have been with us for longer, you know,

[24:49] is what I'm saying.

[24:50] If she had done more, I'd be like, rest in peace,

[24:52] Mr. McGorin.

[24:54] And they do show his tombstone at one point.

[24:56] And yes, his pet zebra does attend the funeral.

[25:00] But maybe that scene was just to show

[25:02] how unmagical Natalie Portman is,

[25:04] so she can rediscover her love of magic later.

[25:08] He seems to enjoy it.

[25:08] But speaking of, uh,

[25:10] I think he was just humoring her.

[25:12] Speaking of Mr. McGorin, I think you're reading

[25:14] into his performance.

[25:15] My last day on Earth is going to be so unpleasant

[25:17] if I don't pretend to enjoy this.

[25:19] Speaking of Mr. McGorin, uh,

[25:22] ruining other small businessmen,

[25:24] uh, as he seemed to do during his day at whimsy,

[25:28] um, part of what Jason Bateman discovers

[25:31] when he comes in to be, like, the accountant

[25:34] is that Mr. McGorin hasn't been paying for things

[25:37] or, like, hasn't paid taxes.

[25:39] His entire career.

[25:41] He's had the store for probably, what,

[25:42] a hundred and some odd years?

[25:43] Yeah.

[25:44] Ever since he came from the old country?

[25:45] And we're meant to be, like,

[25:46] I guess the audience think, like,

[25:48] oh, magic is free?

[25:50] You don't pay for magic, you old buddy?

[25:53] But he's got these bills.

[25:54] Wanting to use money?

[25:56] Who's sending him bills if his store is magic?

[25:58] It's the same problem I had with-

[26:00] Mr. McGorin's a real dick.

[26:01] There's other magic stores around the world, obviously.

[26:04] It's the same problem I had with Fred Claus,

[26:06] the trailer, because I didn't see the film,

[26:07] which is, if Santa Claus is magic,

[26:09] why is there a consortium of business interests

[26:12] that's investing in him?

[26:13] Like, he shouldn't need money.

[26:15] It doesn't make sense.

[26:17] Yeah, but in this case, he, like,

[26:18] Mr. McGorin is apparently trading money

[26:21] for goods and or services, but he doesn't pay his bills.

[26:24] He doesn't pay his taxes either?

[26:25] Like, when the invoice comes,

[26:26] he just throws it in the back room.

[26:28] Yeah.

[26:29] Waits for Bateman to come and clear it up.

[26:30] Turns into a paper airplane.

[26:31] Yeah.

[26:32] Yeah, I'm absent-minded, blah, blah, blah.

[26:36] You're coming with us, Mr. McGorin.

[26:38] You haven't paid your taxes in a hundred years.

[26:39] But I can't go to prison.

[26:42] I'm Mr. McGorin.

[26:44] I'm Mr. McGorin.

[26:44] I'll just break out.

[26:46] I'll kill you all.

[26:47] I like to think that they took him to prison,

[26:48] but let him out because he was fucking annoying.

[26:51] Yeah.

[26:51] The other prisoners complained.

[26:53] Yeah.

[26:54] I just want to say, I don't know about you guys,

[26:55] but I'm waiting for this guy's,

[26:57] this director's next film,

[26:58] Mr. Mandelabras Candelabras,

[27:00] because that's going to be pretty awesome.

[27:02] It's a pretty good one.

[27:03] How long did you work on that one, Jittenfan?

[27:06] Well, I didn't make a joke

[27:08] about Mr. Mandelier's chandeliers during the film,

[27:11] so I just thought that candelabra was a funny name.

[27:13] He's doing a slice-of-life drama called Mr. Malebris.

[27:16] Mr. Maleripes' marriage therapy.

[27:20] Starring Gabriel Burns.

[27:23] Every day it's a different patient.

[27:26] What a hook.

[27:27] Mr. Malotline's suicide hotline.

[27:29] Oh, man.

[27:31] Mr. Gagorshinist's magic, okay.

[27:34] I don't even need to finish that one.

[27:36] Oh, man, we had some laughs right there, woo.

[27:40] Mr. McGorinoffriger's magic pornography, anyway.

[27:44] Man, we could do that forever.

[27:46] Any occupation that you can rhyme things with.

[27:49] Why don't you do it in a home list?

[27:50] Yeah, that's how you do the formation of the joke, right?

[27:52] Think of an inappropriate occupation,

[27:54] and then reverse engineer a title.

[27:57] Like Penis Gobbler.

[27:59] I'll show you.

[28:00] That would be Mr. McGobbler's.

[28:02] That doesn't make sense.

[28:04] Mr. Meanest Gobbler.

[28:06] Mr. Marknoffler's Penis Gobbler's.

[28:08] Exactly, which is a great album.

[28:11] You should buy it.

[28:13] Maybe for your dad for Christmas.

[28:16] I think your dad enjoys the smooth sounds of Marknoffler.

[28:18] The Dire Straits album, Penis Gobbler's.

[28:21] Oh, dear.

[28:23] We do have fun.

[28:24] This was supposed to be called I Still Want My MTV.

[28:26] Why did you?

[28:27] Who made this unauthorized title change?

[28:29] Mr. Knoffler, well, we didn't expect you

[28:31] to come down here, sir.

[28:34] We were just screwing around,

[28:35] but we were just fooling around with Photoshop,

[28:38] and well, we accidentally had saved.

[28:42] And by then, the system was in charge.

[28:44] It was too late.

[28:45] Ah, Mr. McGoriam.

[28:47] But I guess that it was just,

[28:49] everything about it was so forced.

[28:50] That was the.

[28:51] Yes, everything was so forced.

[28:53] But then, like, at moments,

[28:55] real life would intrude when it shouldn't.

[28:57] Like, there was like an odd scene.

[28:58] There was that weird scene

[28:59] where they were watching the towers collapse on television.

[29:02] That seemed inappropriate.

[29:04] I really broke the mood of the film.

[29:06] This is, okay, like, it's too soon.

[29:08] I'm talking about, though.

[29:09] Too soon.

[29:10] That kid, like, the little kid,

[29:12] the eight-year-old, like.

[29:13] With the hats.

[29:14] Like, his mom's telling him to make friends,

[29:16] so he makes friends.

[29:17] Wait, which kid?

[29:18] The one with the hat.

[29:19] Oh, yeah, right.

[29:19] With the big ears.

[29:20] Oh, okay.

[29:21] He makes friends with Jason Bateman.

[29:23] You know, the insufferable one.

[29:24] And so, he has Jason Bateman walk him home for safety.

[29:28] And then, we cut to a scene of him and Jason Bateman

[29:32] putting hats on in his room and play acting.

[29:34] Doing some cosplay.

[29:36] Doing cosplay.

[29:36] One's a king, and the other is a jester.

[29:38] And then, his mom comes in and is like,

[29:40] oh, what's going on here?

[29:43] As you would if a strange adult man

[29:45] was with your young child.

[29:47] In his bedroom.

[29:48] In his bedroom.

[29:48] Unattended.

[29:49] With crazy hats on.

[29:50] And then, the scene just sort of ends,

[29:51] and it's not referred to again.

[29:53] With his sport coat off.

[29:54] Yeah.

[29:55] Yeah, and his sleeves were unbuttoned.

[29:57] Yeah.

[29:58] Which, if I was the mother,

[29:59] I would assume he wouldn't be able to do that.

[30:00] is getting undressed

[30:01] well there's a moment so it is a very clearly audience the adult audience is

[30:04] supposed to be like

[30:06] i get it

[30:06] she thinks he's a pedophile

[30:11] that is a good point that is what we're supposed to think is like uh oh

[30:15] she's gonna think it's uh...

[30:16] she's gonna be suspicious but she is suspicious of his pedophilia it's like that type of joke

[30:20] when uh... you like somebody walks in hearing two people talking and just assumes

[30:24] that they're talking about blowjobs or something yeah that's a little different

[30:28] she's a little bit more justified in

[30:30] her fears i think well yeah but obviously in the in the scenario i'm

[30:33] talking about like one person's like

[30:35] you know straightening somebody's belt or

[30:39] my favorite one is something like that

[30:41] from three's company was uh...

[30:42] there was a nun who like a nun came and stayed at their house

[30:47] this young attractive nun

[30:48] and she is talking to one of the women who lives there

[30:51] and she's like oh i receive all these letters from other nuns looking for

[30:55] here's one right here let me read it to you

[30:58] i'd just met a young man and he's so handsome i don't know what to do

[31:01] i'm so attracted to him that i'm fear that i'm going to leave the order

[31:05] and john ritter is about to walk into the room and then he overhears

[31:09] tell me what to do i don't want to break my vows against god

[31:12] but i still but i love this man so much and john ritter is like uh oh she must be

[31:15] talking about me i'd better go which is the whole

[31:19] the whole pretense of

[31:20] let me read to you aloud from this letter that i received from a nun in

[31:24] let me read this uh... penthouse forum and oops

[31:27] let's perform this scene from a play where we're coming on to each other

[31:31] what but it's not what it looks like it's also funny because it's not even a

[31:34] double entendre he's just worried

[31:37] like that he's going to

[31:38] ruin this nun's life

[31:40] oh she's a nun she shouldn't be lusting after me

[31:42] john ritter

[31:43] star of uh... stay tuned i think yes star of the great stay tuned him and

[31:48] jeffrey jones they should have made so many movies together jeffrey jones was in

[31:51] mom and dad save the world right yes he was as part of the jeffrey jones

[31:55] renaissance

[31:57] renaissance that's a cool way to say it

[32:01] i believe uh... season things we mispronounce renaissance

[32:05] renaissance

[32:07] mister mcgorriam

[32:09] okay so man

[32:11] are we done talking about it?

[32:13] it could be i mean i could talk all day about

[32:15] that ballroom but

[32:18] room full of balls oh and also there was that sad sock monkey that

[32:22] i guess wanted a friend but he would just he would just sulk

[32:26] yeah there's a sock monkey who keeps like

[32:28] reaching out sadly to jason bateman throughout the movie how did the emporium

[32:33] make money like most of the time it was just kids farting around

[32:36] they made at least we saw them make two sales two sales total

[32:40] and one was like one of our college friends yeah that was weird that that

[32:44] went nowhere

[32:45] yeah there was no reason since we had already been introduced introduced the

[32:48] character of mahoney

[32:49] there's no reason for a college friend to be like

[32:51] mahoney i remember you

[32:52] you're still working at this store i thought you were going to play piano it's like we

[32:56] knew that we know this the narrator told us this

[32:58] there's no reason for this scene to exist

[33:00] yeah i mean it's not like they could have played up like the

[33:03] like the idea that she desires the life that this guy has or yeah exactly

[33:08] maybe she was in love with him or they had a really awkward

[33:11] or just who they were yeah what their relationship was

[33:14] my although i'd like to see in fargo where mars meets the old uh... now that's

[33:18] a brilliant scene that's totally different it's exactly what you're

[33:21] going to know it's a very different they're two very different movies now

[33:24] let me go find a different word for a remake this is like a

[33:28] it's like a spence and psycho if i can name drop slightly

[33:33] i was talking to a mister john oliver who of course appeared in the love guru

[33:37] and i mentioned i use that as a riposte to something he said to me and he goes

[33:40] you know uh... when you think about it

[33:43] love guru is a movie

[33:44] just like citizen kane is a movie and it made me so mad that there was no way to

[33:49] differentiate the mediums between these two films

[33:54] i was going to say something, what was interesting about this movie is if it had been made in the

[33:57] eighties the early nineties then like toys

[33:59] it would have been about like the military finding out about this magic

[34:02] store with its magic book that creates anything

[34:05] and trying to steal its secrets

[34:07] but instead since it was set now it was about bills and

[34:12] not being able to pay them and so forth

[34:14] people losing their whimsy but it felt like it or it would be about like a

[34:18] giant corporation trying to like

[34:20] every movie i feel like when we were kids was either toys or santa claus the

[34:23] movie

[34:24] where it was about a corporation or the military trying to steal a magic

[34:27] character's secrets or like uh... you know the local bikini car wash being shut down

[34:32] yeah you were really hoping there was going to be a bikini car wash in this

[34:35] what was it going to be the kid with the hats and natalie portman wearing bikinis

[34:39] i think the toys

[34:40] yeah

[34:41] i mean i don't think anything would have been gained by having natalie portman being a bikini

[34:49] wow i hope she's not listening to this

[34:52] i still like you natalie

[34:54] that's very nice if you are listening

[34:56] are you listening? aren't you right?

[34:59] maybe the annoying kid's mom

[35:00] she was a little too allison janney-ish for me

[35:03] she wore a lot of like

[35:05] pantsuits but yeah well she was professional

[35:07] but you know those are the hottest kind you know

[35:09] i want to believe that she was hillary clinton

[35:12] with the pantsuits and everything they were the wrong color but that makes the movie that much more

[35:15] interesting to me

[35:16] if she has a second life as a single mom

[35:18] with a lonely child

[35:20] kinda like uh... reba

[35:22] yes just like reba mcintyre's character on her show

[35:26] or like uh... grace under fire

[35:30] was reba a single mom in that show?

[35:32] yeah the song tells you that in the beginning

[35:34] she works too hard

[35:36] but she loves her kids

[35:38] she's got the heart of a fighter

[35:41] let's go on to our final judgment on mr. mcgorey

[35:43] final judgments

[35:47] flop house final judgments brought to you by nubisco

[35:53] the flop house is brought to you by rolled gold pretzels

[35:58] the roldiest pretzels

[36:01] i watched the x-files for years when it was on tv and the thing that sticks with me most is

[36:04] the bumpers where they go

[36:06] the x-files is brought to you by just the quick voice change that the guy had to do

[36:11] between the x-files voice and the rolled gold pretzels voice

[36:15] yeah ok so even in the normal voice the rolled gold pretzels would be too

[36:20] spooky yeah the x-files is brought to you by

[36:24] miller light

[36:26] well but that's uh... final judgments i'll start t2 final judgment day

[36:31] yeah i really didn't like this movie i mean i really

[36:36] it wasn't boring

[36:37] like yes at times it was

[36:39] but it was no credit it was not to ten thousand bc on the brats to ten

[36:44] thousand bc scale it was not either one

[36:48] it's definitely not ten thousand bc

[36:49] yeah but

[36:52] if there was ever a movie that like

[36:54] made me want to side with like tax collectors

[36:58] this was it you know it just made whimsy look so

[37:01] unappealing and

[37:03] all characters wanted to force everyone to be with whimsical you will be

[37:07] high spirited and crazy but then there's the kid who is like he said he said he's

[37:11] lonely because he doesn't have friends but he seems perfectly fine

[37:14] building sculptures and collecting hats and hanging out by himself

[37:18] it's almost like you need more friends

[37:20] why don't you make some friends and maybe it's just because

[37:23] my life as a kid was

[37:25] hanging out by myself and being told i should not do that

[37:29] i really sympathize with that kid and his hats

[37:32] this has been window into elliott's world house

[37:34] everyone was trying to force their lifestyle on other people it was like the gay marriage

[37:38] protesters

[37:39] i suddenly come out with this incredibly conservative political viewpoint

[37:45] yeah it's just like these abortionists

[37:47] trying to force their lifestyle on everybody

[37:49] we haven't really brought this up yet but i think this is the first children's movie we've watched on this show

[37:53] we'll watch brats i guess that's a tweeners movie

[37:57] i guess this is the first young kids movie

[38:04] this is definitely aimed towards your 6 to 11's

[38:05] yeah people with the minds of children

[38:08] uh...

[38:09] and the thing is like

[38:11] like uh... lenny from uh...

[38:14] tell me about the emporium

[38:16] i couldn't imagine a child of that age would actually like

[38:18] enjoy this movie

[38:20] i just got done watching uh... wall-e the pixar movie which is a great movie

[38:24] which is a really great movie and i'm wondering why other people who make

[38:28] fucking children's movies don't just fucking call up pixar and be like

[38:31] hey guys uh...

[38:33] how do you make a movie right because i'm all fucking thumbs right now

[38:38] i saw your movie and it was really good

[38:39] how did you do i was maybe i was just gonna make a remake of that but uh...

[38:45] you know rights and everything

[38:46] elliott any thoughts

[38:48] uh... yeah it was also a terrible movie i was

[38:50] pushing for us to watch this movie for a long time and it lived up to my every

[38:53] expectation

[38:55] it was stupid and unlikable

[38:57] and it was a direct it was a it was like a writer director

[39:01] who thought that he had tapped into his inner childhood it was like a it was

[39:05] like a cynical fake inner childhood

[39:07] and things either moved way too slow or way too fast

[39:10] like it almost felt like this guy the writer director was trying to pick up

[39:14] natalie portman

[39:15] i assume that he was like this was an all average thrift it was like hitchcock and tippy

[39:20] yeah some kind of crazy charade

[39:22] that's a movie we should uh... we should write

[39:25] crazy charade

[39:26] crazy charade

[39:28] it's like an eighties sex comedy but like the premise is someone's making mr.

[39:32] mcgormon's wonder woman be a girl

[39:34] starring c thomas howell as the writer director of mr. mcgormon

[39:37] that's pretty meta

[39:40] it's like being mr. mcgormon

[39:41] who would the girl be

[39:43] let's make it the girl from just one of the guys because i like her

[39:46] or uh... but yet but yeah this is a this what what goes without saying

[39:50] the and this is a very bad movie

[39:52] and it makes me feel bad about the things that kids watch these days

[39:56] and about myself

[39:57] and hot wheels no shame on you hot wheels

[40:00] and connects, how dare you put money into this, and RoboSabian, et tu Robo?

[40:06] So I have a few letters from listeners.

[40:10] Letters, we get letters, we get lots and lots of letters.

[40:14] Now you're going to get sued by Paul Schaefer.

[40:16] You're going to get sued.

[40:17] No, he doesn't know my name.

[40:19] Your name's plastered all over this thing.

[40:21] Dan McCoy's the flop house, starring Dan McCoy.

[40:23] Wait, can I read it over?

[40:25] Read your letter.

[40:26] I'm going to read it over.

[40:27] So this is in response to the question of who does Stuart look like with his mustache,

[40:33] which he doesn't have anymore.

[40:34] Now he's back to his usual look.

[40:36] He's on his way there.

[40:37] Can I point out that after shaving it off, I went through a period of a couple of days

[40:40] where I was really depressed, and I think it's directly related to cutting off the mustache.

[40:45] So if you have a mustache, do not cut it off.

[40:47] You had post-shave-em depression?

[40:48] Yeah, absolutely.

[40:49] But I think there's something that's the same.

[40:52] There's something that these two letters have in common.

[40:55] So I'm going to read them both, and let's see if you can put your finger on.

[40:58] Okay.

[40:59] Are they both from my mom?

[41:00] No.

[41:01] Are they from the person who was searching for gay Stuart Wellington, Stuart Wellington gay?

[41:04] Yeah.

[41:05] I don't think so, but the first one is from Ashley, last name withheld.

[41:09] What ethnicity is that, do you think?

[41:12] I think that it's Latvian.

[41:14] Oh, okay.

[41:15] It says Dan and Co.

[41:17] So you guys just get to be and Co.

[41:19] That's fair.

[41:20] It's like Oliver and Company.

[41:21] Clearly the first photo is Columbo doing his W impression while sporting one hell of a stache.

[41:26] The mustache is completely unnecessary for that.

[41:29] Or Josh Hartnett, but that's a pretty cruel thing to say.

[41:33] Who does he look like?

[41:34] That is fucking cruel.

[41:35] The second photo is...

[41:36] Yeah, heartthrob Josh Hartnett.

[41:39] The second photo is Peter Falk in his college improv troop days.

[41:43] That's pretty good.

[41:45] Keep up the great work.

[41:47] And the second one, Stuart disturbingly looks like Josh Perl on his W in W.

[41:52] Very true.

[41:54] And this is a side note.

[41:56] The movie Elliot was thinking of, the one with Hugh Jackman and Ashley Judd, was Someone Like You.

[42:03] Someone Like You.

[42:04] Although he's probably looked it up by now.

[42:06] I didn't because I didn't care enough.

[42:08] But it's the one that was based on the book Animal Husbandry.

[42:10] Yeah, it was originally called Animal Husbandry.

[42:12] And they're like, that title sounds too unique.

[42:15] Let's change it to something completely generic.

[42:17] Yeah, well, thank you very much for reminding us about that.

[42:19] Someone Like You.

[42:20] Yes, I love you.

[42:21] That's like a smile like yours.

[42:23] So did you get the similarity, though, between all of the things?

[42:27] Josh Perl?

[42:28] W?

[42:29] Mustache?

[42:30] It's the fact that none of those people actually have mustaches.

[42:34] There was a question about who does Stuart look like with his mustache.

[42:37] I think he looks like Danny DeVito if Danny DeVito had a mustache.

[42:42] One of them is Columbo doing a W impression while sporting a mustache.

[42:46] Another, Josh Perl in his W&W.

[42:49] One of Josh Perl's few roles that does not involve a mustache.

[42:52] Yeah, he was just in a movie where he had a big mustache.

[42:55] So if there's anyone else out there who would like to do a mustache.

[42:58] We'd like to do this thing right.

[43:01] I just made fun of our audience.

[43:03] What was it called?

[43:04] Someone Like You?

[43:05] Yeah, Someone Like You.

[43:06] Terrible.

[43:07] That's like the name of a sitcom that NBC would put on after Caroline and the City in the mid-90s.

[43:13] Was Leah Thompson supposed to be hot?

[43:18] She was always cute.

[43:21] Like in the Back to the Future movie.

[43:23] Yeah, that's Leah Thompson.

[43:25] That used to be the number one panty shot I've ever seen.

[43:27] Really? Seriously?

[43:29] Yeah, it's great.

[43:30] Watch it again.

[43:31] She was on a nude beach with Victoria Jackson in Casual Sex.

[43:35] Starring Andrew Dice Clay.

[43:37] Oh, so many people I'd love to see nude.

[43:40] Oh, great.

[43:41] Wait, Leah Thompson and Victoria Jackson and Andrew Dice Clay?

[43:44] You mean Casual Sex?

[43:46] It's a movie with a question mark at the end of the title.

[43:49] That's a movie that could only exist in its time period.

[43:53] Yeah.

[43:54] When casual sex started to become a dangerous thing.

[43:57] But it wasn't yet dangerous enough that you couldn't make a comedy about it.

[44:00] Yeah.

[44:01] Did Blake Edwards direct that one?

[44:04] It does kind of sound like late period Blake Edwards.

[44:06] Blind date era Blake Edwards.

[44:08] Yeah, exactly.

[44:10] So I just wanted to remind people before we get into our recommendations.

[44:14] The holiday season is the Flophouse Listener Drive season.

[44:19] Oh, yeah.

[44:20] I like to think of the Flophouse as the gift we...

[44:22] Don't whistle.

[44:23] I'm just giving you background music.

[44:24] I like to think of the Flophouse as the gift that we give you...

[44:28] For free.

[44:29] For free.

[44:30] That's what makes it a gift.

[44:31] What's the gift that you listeners can give us?

[44:33] Promotion.

[44:35] You can go to the website.

[44:36] We didn't sell that long, dude.

[44:38] You can go to the website.

[44:39] Each of your salesmen should try to get as many repeat customers as possible.

[44:45] I've put buttons on the website so you can dig it, dig our show.

[44:50] We used to have like 15 digs, then they changed the system over at dig,

[44:53] and now we're back down to two.

[44:55] So why don't you get those numbers up if you can.

[44:57] Dig us up.

[44:58] You can go to podcastallyinfo.

[45:00] The biggest corpse of a podcast.

[45:02] iTunes reviews.

[45:03] If you review us positively on iTunes, that's actually a big help.

[45:06] Or subscribing on iTunes rather than listening online to bump our numbers up.

[45:11] I'm doing my part.

[45:12] I'm subscribed on iTunes.

[45:14] Are you?

[45:15] You can link to us.

[45:17] Or if you know anyone in the media, not the real media because they wouldn't care about this,

[45:24] but the online media.

[45:26] The internet media?

[45:27] Yeah.

[45:28] Bloggers and such.

[45:29] Yeah.

[45:30] You can mention us to them or something.

[45:31] People like Matt Drudge?

[45:33] Perhaps someone out there is a podcast publicist who wants to give us their where's program.

[45:39] Is there such a thing?

[45:40] I certainly hope not.

[45:43] Anyway.

[45:44] You just alienated them.

[45:45] I think you get our point.

[45:46] Good job.

[45:48] But yes, please help other people listen to us.

[45:51] I feel awkward making a plea for an audience.

[45:54] That's why we're getting so stupid.

[45:57] PBS does it all the time.

[45:58] Exactly.

[45:59] And I would say since I just watched a one-hour special they did on the New York Public Library system,

[46:04] can you believe they need to do pledge drives for viewers?

[46:08] I don't understand it.

[46:09] Well, you watched it, obviously.

[46:11] Well, my interests don't really match up with most people's.

[46:14] I was fascinated by it.

[46:16] Rarified.

[46:17] What I didn't realize is that used to be the site of the New York City Reservoir where the library is now.

[46:21] It's just a huge open-air reservoir that people would pee in.

[46:25] I know at least one listener who would be fascinated by that.

[46:28] Our friend who works at the main branch of the library.

[46:31] Great story.

[46:32] Anyway, please listen.

[46:34] Now what do we do?

[46:35] Now we talk about movies that we saw recently that we actually liked.

[46:38] Oh, man.

[46:39] So many.

[46:40] Oh, yeah.

[46:41] Do you have one, Stuart?

[46:42] I watched a bunch of movies lately that I'd seen part of but hadn't watched all of until I was really bored.

[46:49] And so I watched a bunch of movies.

[46:51] So I watched Flatliners.

[46:54] That's not a good movie.

[46:55] No.

[46:56] I watched Earth.

[46:57] It has a lot of the Brat Pack in it, though.

[46:59] That's true.

[47:00] In their dimly lit medical school.

[47:01] Guys, it was very creepy, by the way.

[47:04] Where were they going to school at?

[47:06] In, like, Canada or something?

[47:07] They were going to Arkham, I think.

[47:09] Yep, Miskatonic University.

[47:11] Miskatonic University in Arkham, Massachusetts.

[47:13] Sure, yeah.

[47:14] I would say Arkham Asylum, which is not a school.

[47:16] It's an asylum.

[47:18] And then I followed that up with Earthgirls Are Easy, which I had never seen and was great.

[47:25] Any universe where Jeff Goldblum is a hunk is top, top dollar, in my opinion.

[47:32] And then I watched Executive Decision, which I kind of watched.

[47:35] I was doing stuff at the same time.

[47:37] But it was really good.

[47:39] And, yeah, it was kind of cool because for a kind of crappy movie with Steven Seagal and Kurt Russell in it,

[47:46] it seemed like they genuinely made an effort to make it seem realistic, I guess, as those things go.

[47:53] So it was pretty good.

[47:54] I liked it.

[47:55] So Executive Decision and Earthgirls Are Easy.

[47:58] A double feature, probably, especially.

[48:00] Letter E double feature.

[48:01] Yeah.

[48:02] I saw a couple movies from last year that were not big hits.

[48:07] I mean, they were released sort of in the mid-range but weren't super successful.

[48:12] I watched Red Belt, the David Mamet movie, starring Chiwetel Ejiofor.

[48:19] You just made that name up.

[48:21] That's not a name.

[48:22] That's a Scrabble hand.

[48:23] What?

[48:25] I'm racist.

[48:26] But, you know, David Mamet movies sort of live or die on whether he casts someone who can ignore his directorial style of actors and just be a good actor.

[48:39] And Chiwetel Ejiofor is a really great actor, and I really enjoyed that movie.

[48:43] And it's a movie, you know, so many movies you can tell exactly where they're headed from the very beginning.

[48:49] That was a movie that, moment to moment, I had no idea where I was going.

[48:52] And it doesn't necessarily, like, all hold together perfectly at the end, I feel like, but I really enjoyed it.

[48:58] And I also watched Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, starring Frances McDormand and Enchanted's Amy Adams.

[49:06] And Lee Pace from Pushing Daisies in the Fall, the film that you recommended.

[49:13] My favorite movie of the year so far, I think.

[49:15] Legends of the Fall?

[49:16] Yeah, Legends of the Fall.

[49:18] No.

[49:19] And I really enjoyed it.

[49:20] It's not, you know, it's not up to par with, like, an old screwball comedy.

[49:24] It's not up to par with, you know, like, Jules and Jim.

[49:28] Just rank it against, like, there was a review of Changeling recently where it said,

[49:33] It's good, but it's no Chinatown.

[49:35] It was like, okay, it's not one of the best movies ever made.

[49:41] It's trying to capture a certain style of old filmmaking.

[49:45] Like, not quite screwball filmmaking, but in that same vein.

[49:49] Very, like, frothy.

[49:51] Yeah, and it's not up to that sort of par, but for a modern version of it.

[49:55] Yeah, exactly.

[49:56] It would be 80s sex comedy screwballs.

[50:00] Well, you know, it's got a cover where a woman's running away and a guy's pulling her bra back.

[50:05] It's exactly like a bikini, actually.

[50:07] OK, but you have the poster, you have the limited edition lithograph.

[50:13] If you want to if you want to see a film that's sort of like a P.G.

[50:18] Woodhouse, Jeeves and Worcester story, if Amy Adams was playing Marilyn, Marilyn Monroe as Worcester

[50:28] and Francis McDormand was playing Mary Poppins as Jeeves.

[50:33] If that sounds interesting to you, it's a it's a fun movie.

[50:36] And I just realized by looking at the IMDb that it was written by Simon Beaufoy,

[50:42] who just wrote Slumdog Millionaire, which is pretty good.

[50:45] I didn't love it as much as everyone else did, but I thought it was a solid and fun.

[50:49] So I also felt that way about Slumdog Millionaire agreement.

[50:54] I haven't seen it yet.

[50:56] I did. I saw let's talk about old movies.

[50:59] And you talk about a movie that was kind of in that style.

[51:02] I recently saw two old movies that I liked a lot.

[51:05] They might be a little hard to find, possibly, but they played because you hit all the cup.

[51:11] Yes. You made the movie.

[51:13] These were these were two movies that I DVR off of Turner Classic movies kind of on a whim.

[51:18] And I'm glad I did for both of them.

[51:20] Did I talk about Jewel Robbery last time?

[51:24] Isn't that a game that secretaries play at work on their computer?

[51:28] Jewel Robbery?

[51:29] No, I'm not familiar with that.

[51:30] I'm thinking Bejeweled.

[51:31] I don't know that either.

[51:33] You work in an office.

[51:35] Jewel Robbery is a movie with.

[51:37] Yeah. And you shoot the Daily Show in the middle of the field.

[51:42] It's an outdoor show with William Powell and I want to say Kay Francis is the woman,

[51:49] but I don't think it is. I can't remember the name of the woman.

[51:51] She is a kind of flighty European, vaguely middle European, you know, rich woman.

[51:57] And he is the most debonair jewel thief in the world.

[52:00] And this movie is an hour and 15 minutes long and it's really fun.

[52:04] And the scene where he first meets her during a jewel robbery is so like so much fun.

[52:10] He's she's buying the super expensive diamond with her rich husband.

[52:14] And William Powell walks in the owner of the store goes, can I help you, sir?

[52:18] And he goes, yes, you can, my good man.

[52:20] And his valet holds out a case, opens the case, and William Powell pulls a gun out of it and goes,

[52:26] I'm going to rob your store, gentlemen.

[52:28] And it's like, oh, take a seat, everyone. Take a seat.

[52:30] Let's start some conversation. This will be nice.

[52:32] And William Powell takes out a gramophone player and plays a record of the Blue Danube.

[52:37] And like he's just the most debonair, stylish jewel thief in the world and very friendly.

[52:41] And it was like a very kind of short, fun movie and very light.

[52:46] And the other one was a movie I just finished watching this morning called Hollow Triumph,

[52:50] which is a film noir that Hans Conrad from Casablanca, among other things, was the star and producer of.

[52:58] And it's one of the most kind of contrived plots in the world.

[53:02] He's a he's a gangster on the run.

[53:04] And he ends up in a town where there's a man who looks exactly like him, but with a scar on his face.

[53:09] He's a psychiatrist. So he takes that man's life and has to scar himself.

[53:14] But the pictures he took of the guy at the lab, they accidentally reversed them.

[53:18] So he puts the scar on the wrong side of his face.

[53:21] And it's like at every plot point is kind of contrived in a way that's almost exciting and how, you know, unrealistic it is.

[53:29] But it's shot really beautifully for a kind of what I assume must have been a fairly low budget film.

[53:34] And there are these great scenes with smoke and darkness and things like that.

[53:39] And there are all these great side characters who are just like either really funny or really weird looking.

[53:44] There's this one character who's a co-worker of his at a taxi company.

[53:47] And he's just in the middle of the night by himself practicing ballroom dancing.

[53:51] And Hans Conrad comes up to him and interrupts him.

[53:54] And he goes into this long thing about how he needs to find the right ballroom dancing partner.

[53:58] And I know what you're going to say. My problem is I'm too short.

[54:01] But if you have confidence, you can project the impression of height.

[54:05] Plus, they make tall shoes that I can wear.

[54:07] And they're really funny.

[54:08] And then this character is never heard from ever again.

[54:10] And it's like there are all these great little scenes with strange characters and the whole thing.

[54:15] And, you know, it's a quick kind of like fast-moving, crazy film noir movie called Hollow Triumph.

[54:20] Or you might find a copy of it under the name The Scar, which was the English release title.

[54:25] I recommend both of those.

[54:26] I'm trying to make them famouser.

[54:28] So.

[54:29] Like Nathan's.

[54:30] Six recommendations tonight between the three of us.

[54:33] Is that a new record?

[54:34] I think Earth Girls Are Easy is the best one.

[54:37] OK. Sure.

[54:39] It does have Julie Brown in it.

[54:42] It does. And David Williams.

[54:43] Not downtown Julie Brown, though.

[54:45] No. No.

[54:46] The other Julie Brown.

[54:47] One with novelty songs to her name.

[54:50] The one who was on the short-lived MTV sketch show The Edge.

[54:53] Yeah.

[54:54] And Jim Carrey's in it.

[54:55] Yep.

[54:56] Who was on MTV's other sketch show In Living Color.

[54:58] Is that his name? Weebo? Is that his?

[55:00] You're thinking of Weebelos.

[55:01] I think.

[55:02] Weeby Loyal Scouts.

[55:03] I don't remember.

[55:04] Wait. He's Whiplock.

[55:05] Whiplock.

[55:06] Whiplock.

[55:07] Because that's the best line in the film.

[55:09] When at the end they're leaving and Geena Davis is like,

[55:12] Oh, Whiplock, I think I'll miss you least of all.

[55:16] Yeah.

[55:17] Geena Davis. Such delivery.

[55:19] Was that the movie that she and Jeff Goldblum met on?

[55:22] Or was that Transylvania 6-5000?

[55:25] Or The Fly?

[55:26] I think that both of those other movies came before Earth Girls Are Easy.

[55:30] They were like Tracy and Hepburn.

[55:33] Until Rennie Harlan came between them.

[55:36] As he is for many people.

[55:38] So, guys, this has been a good holiday show.

[55:42] Yeah, we talked a lot about the holidays.

[55:45] Really was a lot of Christmas and Hanukkah cheer.

[55:48] I want to talk about Rennie Harlan some more.

[55:50] We'll rent The Covenant and discuss.

[55:52] Yeah, that was great.

[55:53] Oh, that's right. I forgot about The Covenant.

[55:55] Is that the movie where it's super powerful 20-year-olds, right?

[55:59] Yeah, they're warlocks.

[56:00] They use their magic powers to lift up girl skirts.

[56:02] Yeah.

[56:03] And they're all, like, super rich, too.

[56:05] So, like, it's basically snobs versus more snobs.

[56:09] Snobs versus snobsers.

[56:11] Yeah, so are we done here?

[56:13] Yeah.

[56:14] Yeah, Stuart, you can go home.

[56:15] Cool.

[56:16] I allow you to leave.

[56:17] Okay, so...

[56:18] You guys listening don't know, but Dan locks us up.

[56:21] Dan, don't we have some business here?

[56:26] Oh, sure.

[56:27] If you want to e-mail us, maybe about Stuart's mustache that doesn't exist anymore

[56:32] or another topic, maybe about the holidays,

[56:36] you can e-mail us at theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[56:41] Or if you want to send us a gift of some kind.

[56:43] Or if you take issue with anything we've said and you want to start an argument.

[56:47] Yeah, Natalie Portman.

[56:48] Let's open up.

[56:49] Yeah, Natalie Portman, if you're out there and you think...

[56:51] Natalie Portmanteau.

[56:53] If anyone disagrees with Stuart and thinks that Natalie Portman is super attractive,

[56:57] write in and we can have an argument over who's attractive in film today

[57:00] and lose all of our female listeners.

[57:02] Sure.

[57:03] That's what they all like to hear is a relative hotness discussion.

[57:08] Let's sink this thing into the gutter.

[57:10] And if you want to go to the website, it's theflophousepodcast.blogspot.com.

[57:16] Maybe someday we'll get an actual domain name.

[57:19] Don't look at me.

[57:20] I don't know how computers work.

[57:21] For The Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

[57:24] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[57:26] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[57:28] Good night.

[57:29] Yeah, good night.

[57:30] So, wait.

[57:31] The long kiss goodnight was Rennie Harlin.

[57:33] Which Nightmare on Elm Street?

[57:35] Was it Nightmare on Elm Street 3?

[57:36] For him, he'll just be Cutthroat Island's Rennie Harlin.

[57:39] Yeah.

[57:40] That's...

[57:45] Vampirotica.

[57:46] Fair enough.

[57:47] Fair enough for vampires.

[57:50] Virotic.

[57:51] Nosfer...

[57:52] Virotic?

[57:53] Nosferotica.

[57:55] Yeah, this is my collection of Nosferotica.

[57:58] A lot of people say Vampirotica.

[58:01] I don't.

[58:02] So, ladies.

[58:03] That was my burn on you guys.

[58:05] Start again.

[58:06] Wait, what?

[58:07] Fucking...

[58:10] That was a record scratch.

[58:12] That was the dog...

[58:14] Actually, hold on.

[58:16] Aye, aye, aye.

[58:17] That was someone who didn't think that they heard what they heard.

[58:24] That's me cleaning the wax out of my ears.

[58:26] Because I thought you said something retarded.

The Flop House: Episode #28 - Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

Transcript

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