The Flop House: Episode #40 - Friday the 13th

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode of The Flophouse, we discuss America's favorite holiday,

[0:04] at least based on a number of movies made about it, the remake of Friday the 13th.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to The Flophouse, the show where we watch a bad movie, or a questionable movie, and talk about it.

[0:45] Stuart, stop looking at me like I'm an ass.

[0:48] My name's Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[0:49] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:50] My name is Elliot Kalin.

Dan McCoy

[0:52] So guys, it's been a while since we've seen Elliot, at least.

[0:57] Yeah, I've been out and about.

[0:59] I can only assume you were recovering from that dueling pistol injury to the head that I saw you incur on The Daily Show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05] That was part of it.

[1:05] I did shoot myself in the head on The Daily Show as an early 19th century French footman.

Dan McCoy

[1:10] I'm amazed they kept that in the show.

[1:13] It seems like that sort of super violent accident might be the sort of thing to cut out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18] That's the kind of spontaneity that comedy feeds off of.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20] What was it like working with horse?

Elliott Kalan

[1:23] With a horse, you mean?

[1:25] Yeah.

[1:26] Or you mean like a caveman, just the idea of horse?

[1:28] No, like a horse.

[1:30] The horse in The Daily Show.

[1:32] It was worrying.

[1:32] Technically, it was a pony.

[1:33] Okay.

[1:34] It was worrying because I had to lie down as a dead body right behind where the horse would

[1:38] be shitting if it needed to take a poop or got scared.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41] Was that like your first concern is that it would shit on you?

Elliott Kalan

[1:44] Yes.

[1:45] And then my second concern was that it would stomp on my windpipe and kill me.

Dan McCoy

[1:48] Oh, okay.

[1:48] And his third concern was that it would shit on me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50] My third concern was that they would cut it from the show.

[1:52] I need my screen time.

[1:53] Hello, Hollywood.

[1:54] Here I come.

Stuart Wellington

[1:55] I think that's how my great-great-grandfather died, actually.

[1:58] He was cut from a scene where he was...

[2:01] Really?

[2:02] I was going to say...

[2:03] Yeah, he killed himself.

Dan McCoy

[2:03] I was going to say that's how Cary Grant got started is he had a scene where he shot himself

[2:08] in the head of the dueling pistol and fell behind a horse.

Elliott Kalan

[2:10] And got shot on.

[2:11] Yeah.

[2:11] It was called Police Academy.

[2:14] Starring Mae West.

Stuart Wellington

[2:16] What a good movie.

[2:18] Speaking of good movies, we watched a little...

[2:21] Wait.

[2:21] Hold on.

[2:22] We watched a little recently released remake.

[2:24] This was a remake, guys.

[2:26] I don't know if you noticed that.

[2:26] Reimagining.

[2:27] Yeah.

[2:28] I think that's reworking.

[2:29] It was a reimagining.

[2:30] Reimagining.

[2:31] Yep.

[2:31] It was Bayified, right?

[2:34] What?

[2:34] Bayified.

[2:34] Oh, yeah.

[2:34] It was Bayed Up.

[2:35] It was definitely Bayed Up.

[2:36] Yeah, because it was Michael Bay's production.

Dan McCoy

[2:38] Oh, I thought this had something to do with Beowulf in your head.

[2:41] No.

[2:42] It was 30% more Beowulf.

Elliott Kalan

[2:45] Well, the villain is basically Grendel, right?

[2:47] Yeah.

[2:48] I guess that's true.

[2:48] Done.

[2:49] There you go.

[2:50] It's a reimagining of Grendel.

[2:51] Yeah.

[2:52] Well, Beowulf.

Stuart Wellington

[2:53] Well, we'll talk about reimaginings later.

[2:55] First.

[2:57] The name of the film.

[2:57] This movie's called Friday the 13th.

[2:59] That sounds unlucky.

[3:00] Based on the day of the same name.

Elliott Kalan

[3:04] Based on the film that's based on the day of the same name.

[3:06] Yeah.

[3:07] Well, no face.

Dan McCoy

[3:08] The day was a little thin, so they had to flesh it out to turn it into...

[3:12] It's a sequel to Friday starring...

Elliott Kalan

[3:16] Is it Ice Cube?

[3:17] I thought it was the sequel to next Friday.

[3:20] Ice Cube.

[3:20] Or is it Ice-T?

[3:21] I forget which it is.

Stuart Wellington

[3:23] Ice-T is the one in...

[3:26] What's that show?

[3:27] Something about criminal intent.

[3:29] Oh, then Ice Cube is the one that's in Friday.

Dan McCoy

[3:31] Ice Cube.

[3:32] Boys in the Hood's Ice Cube is in Friday.

[3:35] And not in Friday the 13th.

[3:36] Oh, man.

[3:37] Which is what we actually watched tonight.

[3:38] Starring Jason.

Elliott Kalan

[3:40] Yeah.

[3:40] Everyone's favorite guy, Jason Voorhees.

Stuart Wellington

[3:43] Yeah.

[3:43] And this whole movie kind of put the whole Jason character, kind of turned it on its ear,

[3:49] right?

[3:50] Not at all.

[3:52] How so, Stuart?

[3:54] Well...

[3:54] In what way was it different than the other Jasons?

[3:56] I mean, you guys know me.

[3:58] I'm a big Jason nut.

[4:01] I'm a big Friday the 13th freak.

Elliott Kalan

[4:03] You did dress up as Jason for Halloween and St. Patrick's Day.

[4:05] Mm-hmm.

[4:06] And the 4th of July.

Stuart Wellington

[4:07] I also own...

[4:09] I think I own all of them except for Jason Goes to Hell on DVD.

[4:13] Really?

[4:14] Yeah, I think so.

[4:15] Even Jason X.

[4:16] I think I might, yeah.

[4:18] I'd have to check my vault.

[4:20] Even Jason Marcy X?

[4:21] Yeah.

[4:22] Yes.

[4:23] I have Marcy X on DVD.

[4:25] On Blu-ray.

[4:27] Well, it's the Criterion Collection.

[4:29] Oh, wow.

[4:30] With four hours of extras.

[4:31] So, no, the big thing...

[4:32] Well, I mean, the thing is that Jason's a little different in this one than he is in the other

[4:37] ones.

[4:37] How so?

[4:38] I mean, he teleports around and you never know where he's at and he appears.

Dan McCoy

[4:41] No, no, but exactly like the other ones.

Stuart Wellington

[4:42] No, but what I was going to say is that he's a lot faster in this one.

Elliott Kalan

[4:45] Yeah.

[4:45] Well, it's just like zombies in movies now.

[4:47] They've fastened them up.

[4:48] Yeah, they made them faster.

[4:49] They've quickened them.

[4:50] And more furious.

Stuart Wellington

[4:51] And later on, we're going to determine whether this new fast and furious Jason is better than

[4:56] the original.

[4:56] Oh, wow.

[4:57] You're teasing the segment.

[4:58] That's pretty fresh.

[4:59] But let's get started with a little bit of plot.

Elliott Kalan

[5:03] Stuart has a whole outline for this episode.

[5:05] He's so much more organized for this episode than he has been in the past.

Stuart Wellington

[5:08] Let's start with a little bit of plot.

Elliott Kalan

[5:10] Elliot, what happened in this movie?

[5:12] Should I give things away?

[5:13] Should I just go...

[5:13] I don't care.

[5:14] Okay.

[5:15] We open literally with Mrs. Voorhees about to kill the last of the shitty counselors of

[5:21] Camp Crystal Lake.

[5:22] But wait a minute.

[5:22] That happened at the end of the original first one, Elliot.

[5:25] I know.

[5:25] I was thrown off, too.

Stuart Wellington

[5:27] So you're saying...

[5:28] Okay.

[5:29] So this...

[5:29] Wait.

[5:30] So what happens then?

[5:31] Does she get killed with a shovel like in the original?

Elliott Kalan

[5:33] She does.

[5:34] The last remaining girl as...

[5:36] What is it?

[5:37] Who wrote Girls and Chainsaws?

[5:40] Mm.

[5:41] Clover?

[5:42] Carol Clover?

[5:42] Is that her name?

[5:42] I think that was James Joyce.

[5:43] I think that was James Joyce.

Elliott Kalan

[5:43] No.

[5:44] I think it's Clover who calls them the last girl.

[5:47] The last girl cuts off Mother Voorhees' head with a shovel and walks away.

Dan McCoy

[5:53] Yeah.

[5:53] This is basically like a public service for people who want to see the original Friday the

[5:57] 13th but don't have a lot of time.

[5:59] Or frankly...

[6:00] So they can see it in like two or three minutes.

[6:01] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:01] I'm not interested in it.

Stuart Wellington

[6:01] Or uncomfortable watching Kevin Bacon in movies.

[6:04] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[6:04] So they...

[6:05] It's a lot of movies they can't watch.

[6:07] And then you hear her disembodied voice from beyond the grave telling Jason to kill them

[6:12] all.

[6:13] Yeah.

[6:13] Like a ghost.

[6:14] Cut to present day.

[6:15] Smash cut.

[6:17] Smash cut.

[6:17] Present day.

[6:18] A bunch of assholes drive into the woods looking for some legendary weed that is apparently

[6:23] growing in the woods.

[6:24] Normally...

[6:25] The legend of Curly's weed I think.

[6:26] The legend of Curly's weed.

[6:27] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[6:27] Normally this kind of setup, you know, I'm on board.

[6:30] Uh-huh.

[6:31] You like parties.

[6:32] I like kids that like to party or assholes to each other.

[6:35] Yeah.

[6:35] And clearly aren't friends.

Elliott Kalan

[6:36] A group of kids...

Stuart Wellington

[6:37] That are also searching for weed and or booze.

Elliott Kalan

[6:39] A group of kids who don't like being around each other.

[6:42] One of the...

[6:42] Two girls and three boys?

[6:44] Three guys, yeah.

[6:45] Three guys.

[6:46] Long story short, almost all of them die.

[6:49] Uh-huh.

[6:50] Some breasts are exposed.

[6:51] Some very fake, very disgusting looking breasts are exposed.

[6:55] Yikes.

[6:56] Well, come on.

[6:57] They were kind of gross.

[6:59] They were horrifying.

[7:00] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:01] They looked better in the sex scene in the film.

[7:05] Well, in this...

[7:06] There's more than one.

[7:06] But this sex scene, yeah, which...

[7:08] I gotta say...

Dan McCoy

[7:08] They look kind of like how, you know, like frogs or a fish can have like fake eyes to

[7:13] like scare off people.

[7:14] It's like they're fake nipples, but they're actually on her.

Elliott Kalan

[7:17] I was gonna say like when a bullfrog extends its throat and it's all veiny and bulbous

[7:20] and...

[7:21] Right.

Dan McCoy

[7:21] So her breasts are like frogs in two ways.

Elliott Kalan

[7:23] The first time we see the...

Dan McCoy

[7:25] The first time we see these frog boobs...

Elliott Kalan

[7:27] That was a Native American metaphor.

[7:29] We used almost all the parts of the frog to describe her breasts.

Stuart Wellington

[7:34] Oh, so the first time we see these frog boobs, it's when she's doing a little strip tease

[7:38] where two male characters are talking.

[7:41] The nerd has his back to the girl and...

Elliott Kalan

[7:43] Not even his back to her.

[7:44] He's kind of turned away from her a little bit.

Stuart Wellington

[7:46] And the guy he's talking to is clearly just pointing at this girl's boobs, making lewd gestures.

[7:52] I think he's even like...

[7:53] He's like humping the air.

[7:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:55] And he's making the gestures theoretically to the girl.

[7:58] Like, oh yeah.

[7:59] Yeah, yeah.

[8:00] But the guy...

[8:01] Which works most of the time.

Elliott Kalan

[8:02] Show me your frog boobs.

[8:04] But the guy who is facing...

Stuart Wellington

[8:05] Just all you dudes out there, that usually works.

Elliott Kalan

[8:07] Yeah.

[8:08] The gestures and the humping the air.

[8:09] Yep.

[8:10] But you're right, Stuart.

[8:11] The guy who's facing him, pointing him, does not notice.

[8:13] It's a welling tip.

Dan McCoy

[8:14] Yep.

[8:14] Does not turn around, does not say, what are you pointing at over my shoulder?

Elliott Kalan

[8:18] He's just too busy telling them the story of the legend of Camp Crystal Lake.

[8:22] Mm-hmm.

[8:22] And that's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[8:23] Like, he's just really a good storyteller.

[8:27] Yes.

[8:29] The Norse would have referred to him as a skull.

[8:31] Yeah, he's like Homer.

Dan McCoy

[8:32] I guess the moral of this movie, though, is if someone's pointing at something, you should

[8:35] look at it because it might be breasts.

Elliott Kalan

[8:37] It's either boobs or something that's going to kill you.

[8:39] Yeah.

[8:39] Yep.

[8:39] Okay, so, the two of them go off to have sex.

[8:43] Another two, I don't remember where they go or why.

Stuart Wellington

[8:45] They go to find the scary cabin that'll inform the rest of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[8:49] They go to find a scary cabin, and the nerd goes and finds the magic weed.

[8:53] Yep.

[8:54] He gets killed by Jason.

[8:55] Yep.

[8:55] Then Jason kills the rest of them.

Stuart Wellington

[8:59] Yep.

[8:59] And I do have to hand it to the movie.

[9:01] They do have a lot.

[9:03] Jason does set up a whole bunch of weird kill traps.

[9:05] Yeah.

[9:06] Where first he grabs a girl, puts her back into a sleeping bag.

[9:09] It ties her up over a flame and roasts her to death.

[9:12] Yeah, that's really...

[9:13] And uses her to...

Elliott Kalan

[9:14] Uses her as bait to get her boyfriend, who is just having sex with her, to run towards

[9:19] her bear trap.

Stuart Wellington

[9:20] Probably still has a boner at that point.

Elliott Kalan

[9:22] Yeah, I have to assume it.

[9:23] Yeah.

[9:24] I mean, that's why he's running, right?

[9:25] That's because he's like, I can't wait to finish this.

Dan McCoy

[9:27] In addition to stripping his leg in that bear trap, he's falling on his boner is what you're

[9:32] saying.

[9:32] Which is even more painful.

[9:33] Very painful.

[9:34] And his keys.

[9:35] Oh my God.

[9:36] Jason's being such a jerk to this guy.

[9:37] Yeah, you gotta leave your keys away from boners when you're running around the woods.

[9:41] But the bear trap scene is pretty grisly.

Elliott Kalan

[9:44] Yeah.

[9:45] And this group of teen gets killed, and then suddenly the title comes up.

[9:48] Yeah.

[9:48] Friday the 13th.

[9:49] This is like 15, 20 minutes into the movie, right?

Dan McCoy

[9:51] Yeah, we've had two prologues before the actual movie.

Elliott Kalan

[9:53] Yeah, I was expecting credits to hit as soon as that hit, and then like a cool guitar riff.

[9:59] I thought it was going to be an hour of camping safety tips.

[10:02] Nice.

[10:02] What did Jason do wrong in this scenario?

[10:05] Let's take a look.

[10:06] Yeah.

[10:06] Gallant and Jason.

[10:09] Gallant sets the table without being asked.

[10:11] Jason avenges his mother's death on teenagers who wander into the woods.

Dan McCoy

[10:16] Gallant digs a latrine for the group.

[10:19] And the great thing is...

[10:20] Jason murders someone.

Stuart Wellington

[10:21] This little opening bit is, you know, all the things that they set up in this opening bit,

[10:26] everything from guys making lewd gestures that people should be able to see but clearly not seeing,

[10:34] to teenagers' natural inclination to go investigate creepy old rundown cabins.

[10:39] Listen, if you're a teenager, you want to do...

[10:40] It pays off later is what you're saying.

Elliott Kalan

[10:41] Teenager, you want to do one of three things.

[10:43] Get high, have sex, or investigate a creepy rundown cabin.

Stuart Wellington

[10:46] Or take a poop in somebody's sink.

Elliott Kalan

[10:48] We don't see anyone doing that, though.

[10:51] I know.

Stuart Wellington

[10:51] Well, they left one of those out.

[10:52] It's okay.

[10:53] You don't have to get hit all the bases.

[10:54] Yeah.

[10:55] So...

[10:55] But anyway...

Elliott Kalan

[10:56] You're hanging out with different teenagers.

[10:57] They find there's a locket in this creepy cabin, and there's a picture in it that looks vaguely

[11:03] like one of the girls who is with that group of campers.

[11:06] That's convenient.

[11:07] Very convenient.

[11:08] Okay.

[11:09] Almost suspiciously so.

Dan McCoy

[11:11] Yeah.

[11:11] It looks like a girl played by TV's Amanda Roggetti of The O.C. and The Mentalist.

[11:19] She plays the female cop who's not Robin Tunney.

[11:22] Or Tooney.

[11:23] I don't know how that's pronounced.

Elliott Kalan

[11:24] This was her big breakout role to start starring in things that don't have the in front of the

[11:27] title.

[11:27] Yeah, exactly.

[11:28] So, okay.

[11:29] Then we're in present, present day.

Stuart Wellington

[11:32] I really like that bit when they're in the cabin and Jason's trying to kill him, and he

[11:36] sneaks under the floorboards.

[11:38] Yeah.

[11:38] And he just starts stabbing his machete up like a weird game of battleship.

Dan McCoy

[11:42] Or like a whack-a-mole, but the mole can kill you.

Stuart Wellington

[11:44] Yeah, and he keeps missing, and then all of a sudden he starts hitting, and you're like,

[11:47] oh, he's just going to keep hitting until your battleship's gone.

[11:50] And then the dude gets pulled down under the floorboards and barfs up a bunch of blood.

[11:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:55] It's not really the most efficient way to kill someone, though.

[11:58] If you don't actually hit them, your machete's kind of stuck up in the floorboards.

Elliott Kalan

[12:04] But Jason's super strong, so he can pull it out.

[12:06] Yeah.

[12:06] He can also teleport.

[12:08] Yeah.

[12:08] He's magic and shit, I think.

[12:10] To keep it quick after that, present, present day, a bunch of assholes who also seem to

[12:15] not like being around each other, but are friends for some reason, are going out to one of the

[12:19] guys' dad's cabins because he's rich.

[12:21] They run into, at the local store, picking up supplies, they run into a guy who is trying

[12:27] to post up flyers.

[12:28] His sister is missing.

[12:29] Yeah.

[12:29] What an asshole.

[12:29] It's the girl from that first group of teens.

[12:32] And the leader of the friends is a total asshole to everybody.

[12:37] Yeah.

[12:37] And a dick.

Dan McCoy

[12:37] And the brother looking for the missing girl, again played by TV star Jared Padalecki of

[12:43] Gilmore Girls and Supernatural.

Elliott Kalan

[12:45] If this was the 40s, he would have to have changed that name to Patterson.

Dan McCoy

[12:48] Yeah.

[12:49] James Patterson would be his name.

Elliott Kalan

[12:51] Yeah, James Patterson.

[12:52] So, yeah.

[12:52] His name would be Brent Ripchester.

[12:53] Rip Chess.

[12:54] Rip Chess.

Stuart Wellington

[12:55] So, this guy who's trying to put up posters, like, why is he trying to rain on everybody's

[13:00] parade?

[13:00] It sounds like he's being a real prick.

Elliott Kalan

[13:02] No, he's being, you know, he's not doing it in the most friendly way, but.

Dan McCoy

[13:05] He's looking for his sister.

[13:06] He's trying to find his missing sister.

Elliott Kalan

[13:08] Stuart, wouldn't you do the same for your missing sister?

Stuart Wellington

[13:11] But I thought the, like, the Chance Peterson guy, the leader of the, uh, the leader of the

[13:15] cool kids was being a real dick to him.

Elliott Kalan

[13:17] He was.

[13:18] For no reason.

Stuart Wellington

[13:19] But he's, he's really cool and rich and stuff, shouldn't he?

[13:22] No.

Elliott Kalan

[13:23] That's not how it works, Stuart.

[13:24] You're learning a hard lesson.

[13:26] See, in the movies.

Dan McCoy

[13:27] But he's, he's handsome.

[13:29] Marginally.

[13:30] In the movies, as sometimes occurs, you know, to be fair, in real life, uh, people take an

[13:36] instant dislike, uh, towards each other.

Elliott Kalan

[13:38] Especially when there's a challenge there.

[13:40] Yeah.

[13:40] Especially when the screenwriter needs to have some sort of conflict.

Stuart Wellington

[13:44] For, so that the characters will split up for, at some point later.

[13:47] And there are way too many dudes and not enough chicks.

Elliott Kalan

[13:49] There are three or four guys.

[13:54] Uh, five, I think.

[13:55] Five guys.

[13:56] There's a lot of, more guys than girls, I think.

[13:58] Five to three.

[13:58] But anyway, long story short, a lot of drinking at the cabin.

[14:02] One of the girls leaves and joins the brother who's searching for his sister.

[14:06] They find lots of stuff.

[14:07] Jason starts killing people.

[14:08] There's another sex scene.

[14:10] The guy, the rich guy asshole tells the girl he's having sex with that she has perfect

[14:13] nipple placement.

[14:15] Uh, and then Jason kills some more people.

[14:18] And then.

[14:18] There's, there's topless water skiing.

[14:20] Top, oh yeah.

[14:20] Jason kills, I forgot about them.

[14:22] There's another guy and a girl.

[14:23] And the girl goes topless water skiing, which is interrupted, unfortunately, when Jason shoots

[14:29] an arrow through the head of the guy driving the speedboat.

[14:32] Perfect shot.

[14:33] Perfect shot right through his head.

[14:34] An Olympian.

[14:35] That's Jason.

[14:36] Yeah.

[14:36] Guy driving the speedboat.

[14:37] He's the Gina Davis serial killers.

Dan McCoy

[14:37] One of the assholes from Veronica Mars.

[14:40] And he.

[14:40] Oh yeah.

[14:40] All your TV stars.

Elliott Kalan

[14:41] The arrow goes through his brain, but he has enough life left to turn around.

[14:46] Then he, the boat hits the girl in the head.

[14:49] And then, uh, in probably what, the best death in the whole movie?

[14:52] Right.

[14:52] He's hiding underneath a pier that, uh, Jason is standing above and a lot of creaking wood

[14:58] and water.

[14:59] And he, uh, like just thrusts his machete right down through the dock into her head, then lifts

[15:06] her up and hits her head on the dock.

[15:09] Last shot of boobs is her boobs come above the water and then pulls out the machete and she

[15:13] falls into the water.

[15:13] And it's all very deadpan and sudden and comical.

Dan McCoy

[15:17] Yeah.

[15:17] It's the closest thing to, uh, wit that the movie has to offer, I feel like.

Elliott Kalan

[15:23] But, uh, and there's a lot of product placement.

Stuart Wellington

[15:25] He doesn't even need to look at her when he kills her.

[15:27] No.

[15:27] She's garbage to him.

[15:28] Hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] There's a lot of product placement.

[15:30] They drive an escalator round.

[15:32] They listen to the, the main song off of the Hive's most recent album.

Stuart Wellington

[15:36] Some guy likes Green Day, I think they said.

Elliott Kalan

[15:38] They mention Green Day.

[15:38] They talk about how great Pabst Blue Ribbon is earlier in the film.

[15:41] Jason uses a compound bow.

[15:44] But that's not a brand.

[15:45] Yeah, but you get, I mean.

[15:47] It's a kind of bow.

[15:48] There's a wood chipper in the film.

[15:49] Oh, and I didn't even mention the weird masturbator that they run into.

Stuart Wellington

[15:52] The compound bow lobby would probably.

[15:54] There's a guy they run into who.

[15:56] Put a bunch of money.

Elliott Kalan

[15:56] There's a guy they run into who owns a barn with a wood chipper in it, which comes up later.

[16:00] And he is really boastful.

[16:03] And, uh, there's a weird streak of characters masturbating in this.

[16:07] Yes.

[16:07] That character looks at a hustler, an issue of a hustler, and then starts coming on to a mannequin.

[16:12] Uh-huh.

[16:12] And then Jason kills him.

[16:13] He also licks the issue.

[16:15] He licks the issue and then says, you like that?

[16:17] To the magazine.

[16:17] He did start smoking weed, though.

[16:19] And that's usually what I do when I smoke weed.

[16:20] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[16:20] It's just like the scene in, uh, Zach.

[16:21] Well, he was an extravagant.

[16:23] I think the guy hallucinates from weed.

[16:25] Sure.

[16:25] But, uh, and then later, uh, one of the characters, the character who doesn't have a girl to match up with and isn't dead yet in the cabin, he gets high and then is like, well, guess I'll masturbate to something.

[16:36] Pulls out a box of tissues, then picks up, like, a J.Crew catalog or, like, a Land's End catalog and flips to an image of, I guess, a woman in her mid to late 30s wearing a sweater and slacks.

Dan McCoy

[16:47] And goes, all right, well, this is it.

[16:49] I found this very interesting because apparently, like, one has to believe that he, um, masturbates every night at 1030 exactly.

[16:57] Yeah.

[16:58] Because it wasn't like there was something that turned him on and he's like, well, there's no one around.

[17:02] No.

[17:02] I guess that what I'm going to do, like, he's like, oh, well, ah, geez, gotta masturbate.

[17:07] What do we got here?

[17:08] Oh, J.Crew.

[17:10] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[17:10] Well, I gotta take my insulin and masturbate.

[17:12] That's what he's saying.

[17:13] The thing that's concerning for me about this character is that you would think he would have more stuff stored up in the spank bank.

[17:19] Mm-hmm.

[17:20] So he can't just fantasize about something, you know, in his head.

Elliott Kalan

[17:23] He was also just watching a girl writhe around to music in a very short...

[17:27] By herself.

[17:28] ...shorts and some kind of tight top.

Stuart Wellington

[17:31] Yeah, like, I would think you would be able to think back, like, I remember that night when I was watching big sausage pizza clips for four hours.

[17:39] Oh, God.

[17:39] We should really get some money from that website.

[17:42] Just the clips.

[17:43] Then one, two, three, just knock one out.

[17:44] We have mentioned it three times now.

[17:45] Knock one out.

Elliott Kalan

[17:45] He was just watching Brazzers previews for all night.

Stuart Wellington

[17:48] Yeah, he knocks a quick one out, and then his friends show up, and he helps him kill Jason.

[17:53] I mean, it could be...

[17:53] Now he runs around to the boner all night.

Elliott Kalan

[17:54] It's a trenchant message on the lack of imagination in today's youth.

[17:57] I agree.

[17:59] And the sexiness of L.L. Bean Cowell.

[18:01] Yeah, whatever that is.

[18:02] They've been desensitized by the media and the images they're bombarded with.

Dan McCoy

[18:06] Well, apparently not.

[18:07] I think he can get it up for a picture of a woman in a sweater.

Stuart Wellington

[18:10] Well, it's that he's so bored with everything else he's seen that he's like...

[18:14] He's seen too much.

[18:15] He's like, finally, a woman that's fully clothed.

[18:17] All right.

[18:18] This turns me on.

Elliott Kalan

[18:18] You know what turns me on about this?

[18:20] The class.

[18:22] This woman's sheer tastefulness is what is arousing me right now.

[18:25] It's a real change from what I've been seeing.

Dan McCoy

[18:28] She seems like a woman I could get to know.

Stuart Wellington

[18:30] So somewhere around there, Jason shows up.

[18:32] There's a sex scene.

[18:34] It's actually like, that girl's pretty attractive.

[18:37] Yeah, no, she was a very pretty girl.

[18:38] And then there's a bunch of killing.

[18:40] A cop shows up and gets killed.

[18:41] Immediately.

[18:42] I mean, a police officer.

[18:42] Sorry.

[18:44] To the police out there.

[18:45] Yeah, all you police out there.

Elliott Kalan

[18:47] There is one kind of woody moment.

[18:49] There's a guy who one of the friends goes out to a woodshed because he has to fix a chair.

[18:54] But he breaks.

[18:55] He has two great lines.

[18:56] The first is when he leaves and he goes, don't worry, I'm a wood wizard.

[18:59] He goes, they don't call me the wood wizard because I masturbate a lot.

[19:02] And it's like, why would they call you the wood wizard at all?

[19:05] But he's in the tool shed and he finds a hockey stick.

[19:08] And Jason comes up behind him wearing, of course, his trademark hockey mask,

[19:12] which he picked up earlier in the movie.

[19:14] And he looks at the hockey stick and goes, is this yours?

[19:17] And it's like, oh, yeah, because he's wearing a hockey mask.

Stuart Wellington

[19:20] I like to imagine that the guys sitting around writing this screenplay

[19:23] were sitting around in a little writer's room.

[19:26] And one guy came up with the whole wood wizard line.

[19:29] And somebody, like his writing partners were like, oh, that's great.

Elliott Kalan

[19:32] Let's write that one down.

[19:33] There were a couple lines like that.

[19:35] That same character, when he finds the hockey stick,

[19:37] he is holding it between his legs.

[19:39] And he says, oh, it even bends to the left, just like my penis.

Stuart Wellington

[19:44] Do you think the guy that came up with those lines got an extra 15 minutes for lunch?

Elliott Kalan

[19:48] I feel like he wrote, it even bends to the left.

[19:51] And they were like, no one's going to get that.

[19:52] That's too obscure.

[19:53] Put in like my penis.

Dan McCoy

[19:55] Well, there were a lot of scenes where lonely male characters

[19:58] would be talking to themselves.

[20:01] There's a lot of-

[20:02] Quite oddly sexual things.

Elliott Kalan

[20:04] There's a lot of scenes where it felt like the director was said to the actors,

[20:06] just like, just keep going.

[20:08] Just keep going.

[20:09] Make it up.

Dan McCoy

[20:10] Improvise.

[20:10] And all they could come up with was blue material.

Stuart Wellington

[20:14] Yeah.

[20:15] No, I like to think that was all scripted.

[20:17] It's like The Office.

[20:19] Yeah.

[20:19] Like, you get so good.

[20:20] The writing is just so good.

[20:21] Yeah, you're like, this has got to be improv.

[20:23] This has got to be like Curb.

Dan McCoy

[20:26] So anyway, to finish up our sloppy synopsis, you know-

[20:31] Slomopsis.

[20:32] Jared Padalecki rescues his sister.

[20:35] The girl who you think will be the last girl-

[20:38] Wait a minute.

Stuart Wellington

[20:39] Gets killed.

[20:40] We didn't even address that she was all captive in his basement.

Elliott Kalan

[20:43] She was chained up in a basement where he seemed to forget that she was there for long periods of time.

Stuart Wellington

[20:46] But that was a girl from the first batch of kids who was getting killed.

[20:49] You think she dies, but nope, she's chained up in the basement.

[20:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:52] Yeah.

[20:52] And they free her, this one girl who went off with the brother, and the brother free her.

[20:58] They're running through the elaborate network of Viet Cong tunnels beneath Jason's cabin.

[21:03] The girl you think, the girl from this group who you like dancing, you think is going to be the last girl.

[21:08] She gets killed.

Dan McCoy

[21:09] Danielle Pannebaker of TV Shark.

[21:11] All your TV stars are in this film.

[21:14] Oh, D.A. Pannebaker.

[21:15] Yeah.

[21:15] D.A. for the famous documentary filmmaker.

Elliott Kalan

[21:19] And so they, the brother gets beat up a little bit, then they're running away.

[21:24] But then they, should we just give away the end of the movie?

[21:26] Oh, okay.

[21:27] It's a fucking Friday the 13th movie.

Dan McCoy

[21:29] What is there to give away?

Elliott Kalan

[21:30] They fight Jason.

[21:31] Jason gets strangled by a chain stuck in a wood chipper.

[21:34] We'll talk about that more later.

[21:36] Yeah.

[21:37] Tease again.

[21:38] And don't forget, we've got to compare old and new Jasons.

[21:41] Yeah, yeah.

[21:41] Oh, don't worry.

[21:42] Then they run over to.

[21:44] The nightmare's finally over, right?

[21:45] The nightmare's finally over.

[21:46] They take Jason's body, throw it in the water.

[21:49] Throw his hockey mask in the water.

[21:50] Throw the pendant in the water.

[21:53] Uh-oh.

[21:54] Jason comes up, kills them both.

Dan McCoy

[21:56] Or you assume.

[21:57] You assume.

Elliott Kalan

[21:58] It is possible that they defeat him again and throw him in.

[22:02] Yeah.

[22:02] But the thing that was missing for me was when they kill him at the end.

Stuart Wellington

[22:06] They do a spinning pile driver.

[22:07] Do them onto that dock.

Elliott Kalan

[22:09] Well, you're saying she might just come up and kick his head off, you know?

[22:13] Like a drop kick at some time.

[22:14] Before they kill him, no one says, hey, asshole, to get his attention and then do something.

Stuart Wellington

[22:18] Yeah, there's no hey, asshole, but the heroine, the lead female, does get to say, like...

[22:24] Say hi to mommy.

[22:24] Yeah, like, say hi to mommy in hell and like, hey, fuck you.

[22:28] Karate kick.

[22:29] Like, all these things.

Elliott Kalan

[22:31] Karate kick?

Stuart Wellington

[22:31] She doesn't say karate kid.

[22:33] She kicks him like karate kid would have kicked him.

Elliott Kalan

[22:34] I wish people, you said the things they did in it.

[22:37] Karate kick.

[22:38] Stab with machete.

[22:39] Stab.

[22:42] Gunshot.

[22:43] Gunshot.

[22:44] And Jay...

Dan McCoy

[22:45] Well, that's how we did it in my really low budget radio play that I did.

Elliott Kalan

[22:50] Well, you really need a low budget for it to be a low budget radio play.

[22:56] Yeah.

[22:57] We couldn't afford a sound effect CD.

[23:00] You did the Friday the 13th music like this.

[23:04] Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha.

[23:05] Okay, so, long story short.

Dan McCoy

[23:06] Yes, it was my radio play version of Friday the 13th.

[23:09] So we got a long story short.

Elliott Kalan

[23:10] Oh, no.

[23:11] Jason.

[23:11] Ah.

[23:12] Well, we get her walk over there.

[23:14] Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack.

[23:17] Oh, no.

[23:18] He's chopping me.

[23:19] He's chopping me to bits.

[23:20] He lit a fire under me.

[23:21] Crackle, crackle, crackle, cellophane.

[23:23] Crackle, crackle, crackle.

Stuart Wellington

[23:24] And he's wearing chain mail.

[23:25] Russell, Russell, Russell, Russell.

[23:27] Now I die.

[23:29] The end.

[23:31] So, basically, Jason shows up.

[23:34] One final scare.

[23:36] And then cut to black.

[23:38] Guitar sound effects.

Elliott Kalan

[23:39] Jason will return in from Russia with blood.

[23:42] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:43] Oh, so.

[23:45] Okay, so we're talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[23:47] Blood finger.

[23:48] So, we're looking.

[23:50] The blood is not enough.

Stuart Wellington

[23:51] We're looking at a Friday the 13th movie.

Dan McCoy

[23:55] So, first of all.

[23:56] The Friday the 13th movie.

Stuart Wellington

[23:57] Yeah, and you have to really kind of.

[23:58] You have to look at it on a couple different levels.

[24:00] First of all, how were the kills?

Dan McCoy

[24:02] There were some okay ones.

[24:03] How was the nudity?

Stuart Wellington

[24:05] There were some okay ones.

[24:06] And then how was.

[24:07] Overall, how was Jason and his death?

[24:09] Mm-hmm.

[24:10] Okay, so first of all, the kills.

[24:11] Were the kills inventive in your opinion, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[24:13] There were a few okay ones.

[24:15] Like, the bear trap was pretty good and gory.

[24:17] Like, it really scraped his leg up.

[24:19] That was pretty gross, yeah.

[24:20] But most of the kills were kind of lame.

Stuart Wellington

[24:22] I thought the kind of stupid, like, baked in the sleeping bag was kind of cool.

[24:28] That's a neat idea, but.

[24:29] It would have been cooler if it baked her so much that instead of her, like, smoking body

[24:33] falling out, like, just a bunch of, like, liquid and, like, bones fell out.

Elliott Kalan

[24:38] It would have to be incredibly hot to liquefy her.

[24:41] Did he set off a nuclear blast?

[24:43] That's what would have been really.

Stuart Wellington

[24:44] I would have preferred that because it's grosser and funnier.

Elliott Kalan

[24:47] But most of it, a lot, like, the first kill you don't even see on camera.

[24:50] Yeah.

[24:51] That's lame.

[24:51] And a lot of it's just stabbing people through, stabbing things through people.

[24:55] Or there's, when he kills the guy in the tool shed that's pretty good, he, like, shoves

[24:58] this.

[24:59] That was pretty good.

[25:00] There's an ice pick type thing into his neck and there's blood everywhere, but it's not.

Stuart Wellington

[25:03] There's, like, something out of an Argento movie.

Elliott Kalan

[25:06] Yeah.

[25:06] But it was just not completely.

[25:07] But it made sense.

[25:08] Yeah, there was an all close-ups on the eyes.

[25:10] There was nothing to match the inventiveness of, say, Drag Me to Hell, where, when that

[25:17] eye shows up in the piece of cake and she stabs it and just fucking ooze comes out of it.

[25:21] Uh-huh.

[25:21] That was pretty awesome.

Dan McCoy

[25:22] Or there's an anvil for some reason and a shed suspended from the ceiling.

[25:26] It falls on someone.

Elliott Kalan

[25:27] Any horror movie with a tool shed has to match up to Evil Dead 2, I feel like.

[25:32] Yeah.

[25:32] The best horror movie with a tool shed in it, in my opinion.

[25:35] But it doesn't.

Stuart Wellington

[25:36] But then you're also looking at, you're comparing it to some of the past Friday the 13th movies.

[25:40] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[25:41] So there's, I don't think.

[25:42] A mixed bag.

Stuart Wellington

[25:42] There's nothing like, there's nothing quite as inventive as Friday the 13th Part 7, where

[25:48] he pulls the girl out of the tent, puts her back in her sleeping bag, and then bashes

[25:54] her against a tree and it leaves a smiley face imprint.

[25:57] Yeah.

[25:58] Or that might be six, I don't remember.

Elliott Kalan

[26:00] The scene with the speedboat, the speedboat kill was pretty good.

[26:02] That was-

Stuart Wellington

[26:03] If only for the sheer ludicrousness of it.

[26:05] Well, the impressiveness of that bow shot.

[26:07] I mean, once again, an Olympian.

Elliott Kalan

[26:09] And his vision is obscured.

[26:11] He's wearing a hockey mask.

[26:11] It's Tina Davis over here.

[26:13] His vision is obscured.

[26:15] He shoots an arrow, calculates the trajectory perfectly to hit a guy through the head.

[26:20] Yeah.

[26:20] I mean-

[26:21] With enough force to drive it equally through his head.

Stuart Wellington

[26:23] Completely through his head.

[26:24] He has the strength of an English longbowman from the hundred years war.

Elliott Kalan

[26:29] He should have been at Agincourt.

Stuart Wellington

[26:31] Yeah, absolutely.

Elliott Kalan

[26:32] But then, and the doc kill with that girl was-

Stuart Wellington

[26:36] Well, because it did feature boobs.

[26:38] And it was probably one of the few good shots of boobs for that girl.

Elliott Kalan

[26:42] Oh, yeah.

[26:42] Well, yeah.

[26:43] Because the topless water skiing was-

Stuart Wellington

[26:43] They were mainly obscured because of topless water skiing.

Dan McCoy

[26:45] Surprisingly, yeah.

[26:46] Although, I have to believe that this film was sold on the basis of topless water skiing.

[26:51] Oh, yeah.

[26:51] Like, oh, wait.

[26:52] We want to make a remake Friday the 13th.

[26:54] I don't know.

[26:55] That's the series.

[26:56] But topless water skiing.

[26:58] Where do I sign?

[27:00] Exactly.

[27:01] Okay, so kills.

Stuart Wellington

[27:02] Okay, so kills.

[27:04] It's a mixed bag, but there's some okay stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[27:06] Compared to some of the other recent stuff I've seen, it had its okay ones and some were

[27:11] just kind of bland.

Stuart Wellington

[27:12] Yeah, kind of boring.

[27:13] Especially because at least there's a bit where he mounts the girl on the rack of deer

[27:19] horns.

[27:19] Yeah.

[27:20] And that was just done so much better in Silent Night, Deadly Night.

[27:22] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:23] Or even in the first Texas Chainsaw Massacre with the meat hook.

Stuart Wellington

[27:28] That's true, yeah.

[27:30] So, mixed bag.

[27:32] Okay, what about the boobs?

[27:33] How are the boobs, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[27:35] I don't know why I'm rating everything, but there are three sets of boobs that we see in

[27:39] this?

[27:40] Yeah, but there's a fair amount of boobs.

Dan McCoy

[27:41] They're entering into an uncomfortable area.

[27:43] I don't know why that would be.

[27:45] Body part rating.

Stuart Wellington

[27:46] No, but I mean, there's a fair amount of boobs, so ultimately that's pretty good for a Friday

[27:50] the 13th movie.

Elliott Kalan

[27:51] Listen, it delivered what a Friday the 13th movie promises, which is blood and women's

[27:56] boobs.

[27:56] Yeah, which is that...

[27:57] Irritating teenagers getting killed.

Dan McCoy

[27:59] Three out of five of the women on screen will get naked.

[28:02] Yeah, that's pretty good.

Elliott Kalan

[28:03] They outdid it with the irritating, though.

[28:04] There was no reason they had to be that irritating.

[28:07] Like, it was...

Stuart Wellington

[28:08] So you feel that they went so far that you're genuinely cheering for Jason as opposed to

[28:12] caring at all for the...

Elliott Kalan

[28:13] I think, well, the thing is not even cheering for Jason, just indifferent to what happens

[28:18] to these people.

[28:19] Yeah.

[28:19] They're so irritating and such flat characters that I'm neither happy when they die or sad

[28:26] when they die.

[28:26] It's just like, oh, yeah, there's another one.

[28:28] Well, what are you going to do?

[28:30] You know?

[28:31] That's what Jason does.

[28:32] You've become like those teenagers, desensitized.

[28:35] Exactly.

[28:35] Desensitized to this violence.

Stuart Wellington

[28:37] And you just...

[28:37] You don't care anymore.

[28:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:39] Okay.

[28:39] I wish they were...

[28:40] Or if anything, just more realistically irritating.

[28:43] Because like, just the fact that they were hanging out with each other and they didn't...

[28:46] They all seemed to hate each other.

Stuart Wellington

[28:48] Although they had a shared interest in masturbating.

[28:51] Well, we're hanging out with each other and we obviously all hate each other.

[28:54] And marijuana, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[28:54] I think that's true to life.

Elliott Kalan

[28:55] I was amazed by the emphasis on...

[28:57] Well, I'm paid to be here.

Stuart Wellington

[28:58] That's why I'm here.

Elliott Kalan

[28:58] The emphasis on marijuana was surprising to me.

[29:02] Really?

Stuart Wellington

[29:03] Well, that's the best way to get a bunch of teens in one place is offering marijuana.

Elliott Kalan

[29:07] It was just so...

[29:08] It was just like weird.

[29:09] Like, drinking makes sense to me, but...

[29:11] Sure.

[29:11] Why would...

[29:12] Like...

Stuart Wellington

[29:13] There's fewer deaths per year caused by marijuana, by the way.

[29:17] Than drinking.

Elliott Kalan

[29:18] That's true.

[29:19] Well, thanks for laying some truth down on me.

[29:22] Just thought I'd take you...

[29:23] I'll sign your petition.

[29:24] Take you to knowledge school.

[29:25] I'll sign your petition, Stuart.

[29:26] Okay?

[29:27] You can get off my back.

[29:29] But, uh...

[29:29] It's pro-hemp petition.

[29:30] It's pro...

Stuart Wellington

[29:31] You can make rope out of it, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[29:33] I know you can.

[29:34] Natural fibers.

[29:34] Yeah, constitution and everything.

[29:37] Natural fiber.

[29:38] It's not just weed.

[29:40] Anyway...

[29:40] It's not just weed, dude.

[29:41] Well, and we gotta rate Jason.

[29:42] Durable clothing.

[29:42] We gotta rate Jason himself.

Stuart Wellington

[29:43] Yeah, Jason and his deaths.

[29:45] Now, I mean, clearly this Jason isn't quite as good as some of the later zombified Kane

[29:50] Hodder Jasons.

Elliott Kalan

[29:51] I was gonna say, he's no Kane Hodder.

Stuart Wellington

[29:53] Yeah, Kane Hodder.

[29:54] What an actor.

[29:56] And, uh, even...

Elliott Kalan

[29:56] He lumbered like nobody.

[29:58] Even the fucking...

[29:58] He was the next Carl Off.

Stuart Wellington

[30:00] Even the fucking huge dude from, uh...

[30:02] From Freddy vs. Jason.

[30:03] Like, the super giant dude.

[30:05] Yeah.

[30:05] He was pretty good, too.

[30:06] This guy was a little small.

[30:08] Uh, you get a couple weird glimpses of his, like, stumbly-wumbly face.

Dan McCoy

[30:12] Well, there's even a weird sort of effort to humanize Jason in this one, to some degree.

[30:16] Where he's like, oh, Jason's just a guy who has, like, tunnels under his house and puts

[30:22] bear traps around.

[30:23] Like, he's more like a crazy, like, backwoods, like, hillbilly killer than, like...

Stuart Wellington

[30:28] But most of the time when he's killing people, it's just, like, the only times you really

[30:32] see Jason on screen is when he's literally killing somebody or, like, standing just behind

[30:37] them.

[30:37] Yeah.

[30:37] You don't really get many, like, character moments where it's, like, other than him picking

[30:41] up the mask and putting it...

[30:42] Finding the hockey mask and putting it on, it's almost all just him, like, chasing people.

[30:46] Yeah.

[30:47] There's not a lot of moments where, like, you get an actual feeling of Jason the character.

[30:51] You know, like in Jason X, where he walks out into the corridor on this spaceship and

[30:56] there's this moment of, like, oh, I guess I'm in space.

[30:58] Well, it's like...

[31:00] Gonna go find somebody to kill.

Elliott Kalan

[31:01] There's this scene in the first Halloween when he kills the guy, the first guy he kills

[31:05] in the house, I guess, and then he just kind of looks at him and turns his head a little

[31:08] bit.

[31:09] Like, this moment where you almost see a little bit of how Michael Myers thinks.

[31:13] Like, yeah, there was nothing like that here.

[31:16] Jason just existed to appear behind people and then stab them.

[31:20] Yep.

[31:20] And also, you know, and he could teleport.

[31:23] He'd be...

[31:23] Well, yeah, that's keeping.

[31:24] He'd kill someone in the woods and then suddenly he's standing on the roof of the house.

[31:27] Then suddenly he's in the bathroom.

[31:29] That's, you know, it doesn't make...

[31:31] I almost wish there were more shots of Jason, like, chasing people through the house or through...

[31:36] Like, there's a lot of running...

[31:37] Rather than him disappearing.

[31:38] I would love it.

[31:39] Rather than him disappearing.

[31:39] I'd love to see him, like, burst in through the window or literally, like, running up the

[31:44] stairs with an axe in his hand.

Stuart Wellington

[31:45] Or if he burst up through a dock at the very end of the ground.

[31:49] Oh, he did that.

Dan McCoy

[31:50] He did that.

[31:52] If they really departed from the Friday the 13th mythology and then, like, there was, like,

[31:56] a crazy twist at the end where, like, you see, like, five Jasons walk out.

[32:01] It all makes sense now.

[32:02] That would have sounded like an old Tex Avery cartoon.

Elliott Kalan

[32:05] Yeah, could be.

[32:08] I think there was more than one Jason.

[32:12] It was a rabbit.

Stuart Wellington

[32:13] It was a turtle.

[32:14] Or it cuts to, like, a weird house at the very end of a bunch of Jasons just, like, hanging

[32:18] out.

[32:19] And one guy's like, gotta go to work.

[32:21] And he puts out the mask and leaves.

Elliott Kalan

[32:23] A guy walks in, punches his card, and another Jason puts his mask on, punches his card, and

[32:28] walks out.

Dan McCoy

[32:28] That's what I like about, like, the moment we were talking about in Jason X where he's

[32:31] in space.

[32:32] Because it's just like, well, my job is killing people.

[32:35] Whether at a camp or in space.

[32:38] Gotta get to it.

Elliott Kalan

[32:40] There's probably...

[32:41] Are there any teenagers having sex around here?

[32:43] I mean, Jason has always been the most mindless of these type of killers in the movies.

[32:49] I feel like.

[32:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:52] Well, we'll gloss over that comment.

[32:54] Wow.

[32:55] Burns.

[32:56] Stuart has a lot of affection for a guy who just goes around killing people.

[33:00] A giant, like...

Stuart Wellington

[33:01] I prefer him when he's, like, a giant zombie dude.

Elliott Kalan

[33:03] Well, no.

[33:03] It's much...

[33:04] Well, that's the thing.

[33:05] When he's a killer in the original Friday the 13th movies, he's dead already, pretty much.

Stuart Wellington

[33:11] I mean...

[33:11] Not really until the sixth one.

Elliott Kalan

[33:14] The end of the first movie is Kid Jason jumping out of the lake.

[33:18] Yeah.

[33:18] So he has to be a zombie by that point already.

[33:21] Unless he was a mer person.

[33:23] He might be a mer person.

[33:24] I don't think so.

[33:25] So, like, in the second movie, I assume that he's, like, a zombie kid who becomes a zombie adult.

Stuart Wellington

[33:29] In the second one, he's, like, a crazy hillbilly with a bag on his head.

Elliott Kalan

[33:32] He's got the burlap sack on his head.

Stuart Wellington

[33:33] And he's wearing, like, overalls.

Elliott Kalan

[33:35] It was like...

[33:35] They were trying to do, like, the first three Jason movies in one movie.

Stuart Wellington

[33:38] And then the third one is the 3D one.

[33:41] Where there's tons of, like, yo-yos going toward the camera.

[33:44] The one that has Crispin Glover in it?

[33:46] No, that's the fourth one.

[33:47] That one's actually really good.

[33:49] That's the one where...

[33:50] Really good.

[33:50] Well, what's really great about that one is there's that awesome bit where this chick is taking a shower with her boyfriend.

[33:55] Sure.

[33:56] She leaves him in the shower.

[33:57] She goes to, like, do her hair or something so they can do it later.

[34:00] And then she goes back to check on her boyfriend.

[34:02] Jason's already killed this dude, okay?

[34:04] She starts flipping out, as you would expect.

[34:08] And she goes running, running around upstairs.

[34:10] Then she goes running down the stairs toward the front door.

[34:13] Boom.

[34:13] Axe goes flying through the front door.

[34:15] Hits her in the chest.

[34:17] So Jason not only went up and killed this guy.

[34:19] Then went outside.

[34:20] But then he set the body.

[34:21] And he's like, I'm going to go outside.

[34:22] She's going to come running toward the door.

[34:24] Axe without even looking.

[34:25] That's how good I am.

Elliott Kalan

[34:27] That's like our Rave Goldberg, sort of.

[34:28] Well, I wish that they had been cutting the...

[34:28] Well, it's like showing off at that point.

[34:30] I wish that it shook her running.

[34:32] Cut to Jason standing there, stock still, axe in hand, ready to throw.

[34:36] Cut to her running.

[34:37] Cut back to Jason still standing, still axe in hand.

[34:39] Like a ticker?

Dan McCoy

[34:41] Maybe his arm is sort of straining because I can't hold this axe forever.

Elliott Kalan

[34:44] Then you feel sympathy for him.

Dan McCoy

[34:46] Is he going to be able to do this?

[34:48] He's like a craftsman at that point.

[34:49] Well, yeah.

[34:50] A terror craftsman.

Elliott Kalan

[34:52] The one I saw the most when I was a kid was Jason Takes Manhattan.

[34:56] Okay.

[34:56] Only because...

[34:57] Oh, poor you.

[34:57] It was terrible.

[34:59] But for whatever reason, that seemed to be the one that was on it.

[35:00] My God.

Dan McCoy

[35:01] Such opportunity squandered.

[35:04] The very title, Jason Takes Manhattan, you're like, this is going to be the best one ever.

[35:08] You're going to give him the key to the city.

Elliott Kalan

[35:11] Jason, you've taken a Manhattan by storm.

Dan McCoy

[35:14] He stars in a Broadway show, dinner at the Waldorf.

[35:18] And then most of the film is spent on a boat going to Manhattan.

[35:23] There's very little Manhattan.

[35:24] And then when you get to Manhattan, it's Toronto.

Elliott Kalan

[35:26] There was something about the image of Jason on the subway walking through subway cars and

[35:30] no one really bothering to notice him.

[35:33] That's the one they should remake.

[35:35] Jason Takes Manhattan?

[35:35] Yeah, make it a real Jason in the city.

[35:36] Well, just make it a mashup.

[35:39] Jason, pig in the city.

[35:40] Yeah, Jason and the Muppets take Manhattan, pig in the city.

[35:42] Yeah, I like that.

[35:44] And then at the end, at the end, Miss Piggy says, hey, asshole.

[35:48] And then does one of those, hi-yah!

[35:51] And then chops him.

Stuart Wellington

[35:53] Okay, so Jason's death at the end.

[35:57] They clearly, you know, they wanted to save him for that final scare.

[35:59] They also didn't want to fuck him up too much.

[36:01] So they could be like, hey, we got Jason for the next movie if you want to watch it.

[36:05] And you're like, oh, you meld him in acid.

[36:07] We can't watch that guy.

[36:08] He's like a blob or something.

[36:09] So they didn't do that.

[36:11] What they did do was they wrapped like a chain around his neck.

[36:15] Yeah.

[36:16] And then they threw one end of the chain into a wood chipper.

[36:20] Now, I don't, you know, I don't use a wood chipper regularly.

[36:23] I'm sure some of our listeners do.

[36:26] Lumberjacks.

[36:26] I would imagine if you throw.

[36:27] All the X-Men who listen to this.

[36:30] I would imagine if you throw a chain into a wood chipper, it's not just going to like

[36:33] drag it through like somebody who accidentally got their tie caught in it.

Elliott Kalan

[36:36] No, it's going to screw up that machine.

[36:38] It would fuck it up really bad.

Dan McCoy

[36:39] To be fair, that was a pretty heavy duty wood chipper.

[36:41] That was not like one of your like, you don't get that at like Walmart.

[36:45] That was like an industrial strength wood chipper.

Elliott Kalan

[36:47] Either way, it's still rotating rods with spikes on the end.

[36:51] That's what it was.

Stuart Wellington

[36:51] I'm sure like the first rule you learn in wood chipper school is don't fucking throw metal

[36:56] chain in it.

Elliott Kalan

[36:58] But the wood chipper works fine.

[37:00] It just chips up that chain and it drags Jason towards it.

Dan McCoy

[37:03] Wood chipper school, that's like a technical college, right?

Elliott Kalan

[37:05] That's not accredited.

Stuart Wellington

[37:08] No, that's a doctorate.

[37:09] That's a doctoral degree.

[37:10] Yeah.

[37:11] They also have a pretty good liberal arts program.

[37:14] Wow.

[37:15] So, of course, it's dragging him in.

[37:16] Fighting chips.

[37:17] He's dragging him in.

[37:18] Like the wood chipper's dragging him in.

[37:19] He's like, oh, I'm dying, but I still want to grab this girl and kill her.

[37:23] And then she's like, hey, dickhead, say hello to your mom in hell and stabs him with his

[37:28] own machete.

[37:30] Oh, my God.

[37:30] Who saw it coming?

[37:32] Ironic.

[37:32] Yeah.

[37:33] Very ironic.

[37:33] He died as he lived.

[37:35] With a zombie.

[37:36] Not at all.

[37:38] Not at all.

[37:39] And then, of course, they're like, well, you know, this brother and sister, they're like,

[37:44] all of our friends are dead.

[37:46] There's blood everywhere.

[37:47] We're probably injured in some way.

[37:49] Like, we've smashed my head into a fucking bus.

[37:52] We have a lot of questions to answer to the police.

[37:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:55] I think the best.

[37:55] Including the dead cop that's on the door.

[37:57] Yeah.

[37:57] Sorry, police.

Stuart Wellington

[37:58] The dead chief of police or whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[38:00] It looks like it's pretty much a one cop town.

[38:03] Yeah.

[38:03] He's the sheriff and the sheriff's deputy.

Stuart Wellington

[38:04] They're like, you know what?

[38:05] There's no way we're going to be able to explain this.

[38:08] Let's just toss this dead body in the lake.

[38:11] Let's wait till daylight.

[38:13] Toss the body in the lake.

[38:15] Throw his mask in there.

Elliott Kalan

[38:16] Throw that magical amulet that we stole from his house.

[38:19] This amulet was the one thing that could distract him long enough to stop him from killing people.

[38:23] Let's throw it in the lake.

[38:24] I'm glad that you keep using the term amulet.

[38:26] No, it's clearly a locket.

[38:27] Yeah, it's a locket.

[38:28] Well, amulet just sounds cooler than locket.

[38:30] It is a locket with two pictures, one of which is scratched out.

[38:33] I assume that's a clue for the sequel.

Dan McCoy

[38:35] I've got a locket in my pocket.

Stuart Wellington

[38:38] So they throw him in there and they're like, oh, phew, the nightmare is over.

[38:42] And then you, the audience, find out clearly it isn't because Jason comes back.

[38:46] Who is it?

[38:46] Having taken the time to put his mask back on, of course.

Elliott Kalan

[38:48] I love that they throw the mask in separately.

[38:50] So he's swimming around underwater.

[38:51] I'm going to see them looking for his mask, finally finding it.

[38:54] I've got to find it before they get off the dock.

[38:57] And they hang around, of course.

[38:59] One of the things I did like in the movie was the long lingering shots of the decaying toys in Jason's house.

[39:04] Every time someone went back to his house, there were different rotting toys for the camera to look at.

Stuart Wellington

[39:09] Yeah, you think he goes...

Dan McCoy

[39:11] We've been talking for a long time, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[39:13] Goes to like a TJ Maxx.

[39:15] Then we can get out of here.

[39:16] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[39:17] Because we love Friday the 13th so much, but let's quickly...

Stuart Wellington

[39:20] Okay, final judgments, Dan?

[39:22] Final judgments.

[39:23] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Dan McCoy

[39:25] Yeah.

[39:26] That's the gate closing.

[39:27] Okay, are you looking at me?

[39:29] Yeah, what's the deal?

[39:30] Oh.

[39:31] Our categories are, is this a good-bad movie?

[39:34] A movie that's laughable and fun.

[39:37] A bad-bad movie.

[39:38] A movie that provides no enjoyment.

[39:40] Or a movie that you actually kind of liked in some way.

[39:44] Hell, I'll start for once.

[39:46] Whoa!

[39:47] What?

[39:49] I kind of enjoy this movie.

[39:51] I mean, like, don't get me wrong.

[39:53] It's not good.

[39:54] But, uh, also, don't get me wrong.

[39:57] No Friday the 13th movies are really any good.

[40:00] I know that Stuart is, uh, there's like a ball of rage.

Elliott Kalan

[40:03] Stuart puts on hockey masks.

[40:05] Stuart picks up machete.

[40:07] But, you know, like...

Stuart Wellington

[40:08] Stuart, you need to kill all of them.

Elliott Kalan

[40:10] Shut up, dead mom.

Dan McCoy

[40:13] Get off my back, dead mom.

[40:15] They've managed to make, uh, tens of movies with, uh, absolutely no plot.

[40:21] Basically.

[40:22] There's fun.

[40:22] Guy kills people, repeat.

[40:24] Yeah.

[40:24] Uh, and yet I have fondness for them.

[40:27] I don't know whether it's just nostalgia.

[40:29] Yes.

[40:29] But, um, as far as, like, a remake goes, like, you know, the same guy, Marcus, uh, Nispel,

[40:36] Nispel, I don't know how you pronounce it again.

[40:37] Marcus Welby.

[40:38] Uh, he did the, uh, Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, which I feel, like, really totally missed

[40:45] the boat in terms of tone and capturing what was interesting about the original movie.

[40:51] But...

Stuart Wellington

[40:51] It was way closer to Friday the 13th than it was.

[40:54] Yeah.

[40:54] Uh, Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Dan McCoy

[40:56] But this movie, like, captured, um, the spirit of a Friday the 13th movie in so much as there

[41:01] is one.

[41:02] Yeah, that's true.

[41:03] And, uh, I sort of enjoyed it on that level.

[41:05] I mean, like, I wouldn't...

[41:06] I don't think I would have enjoyed it sitting at home alone, but this is an okay movie to

[41:10] watch with friends.

[41:10] You would have been too scared.

[41:11] Yeah, I'd be, I'd be scarified.

[41:14] Scarified?

[41:15] Scarified.

[41:15] I would not be able to get to sleep.

[41:17] Elliot, what do you think?

Elliott Kalan

[41:18] Uh, I kind of agree with Dan.

[41:19] I didn't like it as much as him, but it was fun to watch with you guys.

[41:24] Uh, it's really stupid, and there were some good gore effects in it, and women take their

[41:30] tops off, and, you know, it was, it was not, it was short, and it was not slow.

[41:37] So, right there, it got some of the things right about a Friday the 13th movie.

[41:40] Like, it moves fast, uh, there's a pretty high body count.

[41:44] Um, Jason doesn't quite have as much character as he would like, but, you know, he wears a

[41:49] hockey mask and he kills people with a machete, so.

Stuart Wellington

[41:53] Yeah, I, uh, I think I'm gonna agree with both you guys.

[41:56] Like, I think this was fun to watch.

[41:58] Uh, it wasn't, like, great.

[42:00] No.

[42:00] No, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's

[42:02] no telekinetic.

Stuart Wellington

[42:02] Don't take this as a recommendation.

[42:03] It's not, it's not the life and death of Colonel Blimp, you know.

[42:05] There's no telekinetic girl battling Jason.

[42:08] No, there's no Crispin Glover.

Elliott Kalan

[42:09] Yeah, he never gets brought back to life by lightning hitting a steel pole in his chest.

Stuart Wellington

[42:13] Yeah, somebody accidentally stuffs into his zombie chest.

[42:16] Um, so none of that stuff happens.

[42:19] But, uh, yeah, you know, there's a body count, there's nudity, there's some killing in it.

[42:24] Wait, I already said that.

[42:25] Um, but yeah, it basically does everything it needs to do.

[42:28] It's, it's a little lazy.

[42:30] It is very lazy.

[42:31] Um, it's a little uninspired, but, you know, it was an hour and 25 minutes or something

[42:39] probably.

Elliott Kalan

[42:39] Yeah.

[42:40] Until they make Jason and the Argonauts Friday the 13th part 11.

Stuart Wellington

[42:43] But, I mean, if I have any feedback, it's that they really had no need to make, to call

[42:48] this like, uh, a remake.

[42:49] They could have just made it Friday the 13th part whatever.

[42:52] Yeah.

[42:52] 12, 13 right now.

[42:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[42:54] There was, there was nothing, nothing new about it that, for, for a remake or a reimagining,

[42:59] it hues very close to the formula and it acknowledges that there's a past to this character.

[43:05] Yeah.

[43:05] Like, there's that, that, that flashback at the beginning is kind of unintelligible if

[43:11] you don't really know the Jason story already.

Stuart Wellington

[43:14] I mean, they don't even have to call it a remake.

[43:15] They could just every other year release a movie titled Friday the 13th and just keep making

[43:22] fucking movies like this.

[43:23] And I'll probably keep watching them because I like watching stupid teenagers get killed.

Elliott Kalan

[43:28] Wow.

[43:29] That's why you're a serial killer.

[43:30] That's going to be played back in court.

Stuart Wellington

[43:33] I didn't mean, oh no.

[43:35] Oh, that came out all wrong, officer.

Elliott Kalan

[43:38] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[43:40] So, I don't actually have a letter to read, but I do want to.

Elliott Kalan

[43:43] You read all those letters last time when I wasn't here.

[43:45] Did you write your own letter?

[43:47] Dear Dan, I'll be your friend.

[43:49] Love Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[43:50] Well, you're the best member of the Flop House.

Dan McCoy

[43:53] I do have one email, but I think I'm going to hold off on it until the next show because

[43:58] we weren't even long.

[43:59] Oh.

[43:59] But, um...

[44:00] No, you can look forward to that.

[44:02] No, you teased us.

[44:03] I am teasing.

[44:03] I'm teasing you.

[44:04] Well, what if you read the email and we don't do recommendations?

[44:08] Wow.

[44:09] A break with the...

[44:10] Yeah.

[44:10] Why don't you read the email, Dan?

[44:12] You don't...

[44:12] You'd rather do email than recommendations?

[44:14] I don't...

[44:15] I don't...

[44:16] I actually don't have a recommendation.

[44:17] I don't have anything in particular.

[44:18] Yeah, I knew this shit's all going to get edited out, so just go around to the email.

[44:21] So, all right, because we all liked Friday the 13th, sort of, why don't you take that

[44:25] as our recommendation?

[44:26] You know what?

Elliott Kalan

[44:26] If you want to watch a piece of crap and have a good time, watch this one.

[44:30] Don't go see Transformers.

Stuart Wellington

[44:31] Done.

[44:32] I'm going to see Transformers with Elliot this weekend.

[44:34] Peace.

[44:34] No.

[44:35] Michael Bay, give us free tickets.

[44:38] Michael Bay, give us free...

Elliott Kalan

[44:39] What I love about this movie is that it doesn't say produced by Michael Bay.

[44:42] This is in association with Michael Bay.

[44:44] That's awesome.

[44:45] At the beginning of Friday the 13th.

Stuart Wellington

[44:46] Well, it's like a...

Elliott Kalan

[44:49] Like he was hanging out on the set when they made it.

Stuart Wellington

[44:52] Well, somebody was like...

[44:53] Called him up on their cell phone.

[44:54] They're like, hey, Michael Bay, we're making this movie.

[44:56] You got any advice?

[44:58] Okay, topless water skiing.

[44:59] Okay, that's what we'll do.

Dan McCoy

[45:01] You're a genius, Mickey B.

[45:02] So, this is from Ben, last name withheld, from Lakewood, Colorado.

Elliott Kalan

[45:07] Crystal Lakewood?

[45:08] Uh-huh.

[45:09] Lake, Colorado?

[45:10] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:11] And it's titled, Kudos to Yudos.

[45:16] I think he misspelled Yudos.

[45:17] Yodas?

[45:18] Yeah.

[45:20] Kudos to Yodas.

[45:21] Kudos to Yodas.

Elliott Kalan

[45:22] It's like when Star Wars Episode II came out and it had that lightsaber duel between Yoda

[45:27] and Count Dooku at the end.

[45:28] They put out an ad after the movie had opened that showed just that scene and it went, Yoda

[45:34] man!

[45:36] Star Wars Episode II, Yoda man!

[45:38] And this very cheap computer lettering of Yoda man!

[45:42] would come up on screen.

[45:44] That's the...

[45:44] It was...

[45:45] It was...

[45:45] I remember watching it and being like, seriously?

[45:47] Like, this is mad for a Star Wars movie?

Stuart Wellington

[45:49] Kudos to Yodas is the New York Post headline for Yoda beating Count Dooku in a fight.

Elliott Kalan

[45:58] So he had to just like, make way for ducklings.

Dan McCoy

[46:03] Make way for dukelings.

[46:06] So he says, I've been listening to your show for at least the past 20 episodes now about

[46:10] when Elliot transformed from special guest co-host to permanent co-host.

[46:14] Yeah.

[46:15] I took over.

Elliott Kalan

[46:15] How many episodes have we made?

[46:16] This is like 30-something.

[46:18] Jesus.

[46:19] You were a baby when we started.

[46:22] Yeah.

[46:22] Or when you started.

[46:23] I wasn't here.

Dan McCoy

[46:24] I gotta say, your banter is one of some of the finest qualities to be found out in the

[46:27] podcast universe.

[46:28] Thank you.

[46:29] Please keep cranking out the episodes.

[46:32] Podverse?

[46:33] And don't ever change.

[46:34] Okay.

[46:35] That's very nice of you, last name with help.

[46:37] He has a recommendation.

[46:39] I don't think that we're gonna do this as a movie because it's an indie film.

[46:42] Is this what he's saying?

Stuart Wellington

[46:44] Or are you?

[46:45] This is me commenting on it.

Dan McCoy

[46:46] You're editing what he says.

Stuart Wellington

[46:47] Okay.

[46:48] Why don't you just read what he says?

Elliott Kalan

[46:49] This is like the Talmud.

[46:50] You gotta read the actual text and then the criticism of the text.

Dan McCoy

[46:54] All right.

[46:54] Well, he says, I wanted to throw a movie recommendation out your way.

[46:57] In my Colorado neighborhood library, I stumbled across a movie titled Subdivision, Colorado.

[47:03] It is a small budget, locally made movie about a charming quartet of young adults who

[47:09] get caught up in an amazing adventure rooted in some sort of supernatural treasure hunt

[47:13] across the mystical Rocky Mountains.

[47:15] I like it already.

[47:16] I like to think of it as a love child between the Goonies and an episode of the Nickelodeon

[47:20] TV show Hey Dude.

Stuart Wellington

[47:21] Well, I need to throw out my screenplay now.

[47:24] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[47:26] The movie is straight up terrible, but I consider it to be so awful that it would squarely fall

[47:30] into your category of good-bad movie, especially if you view it as a group whilst taking part

[47:34] of the movie.

[47:35] And alcoholic libations.

[47:36] Not me.

[47:37] Yeah.

[47:38] Teetotaler.

[47:39] Just like Lincoln.

[47:40] I seriously think that this could even finally oust the Bratz movie from its number one spot

[47:45] in your respective hearts.

[47:46] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[47:48] I was on your side until that.

[47:50] Calm down.

[47:52] Calm down.

[47:53] My only concern is that since you seem to mostly go after mainstream movies, this film

[47:57] might be too obscure and you may have difficulty finding it in New York.

[48:00] You may also feel guilty poking fun at a movie made by a struggling filmmaker.

[48:04] That's more like it.

[48:05] But please try to push this guilt aside.

[48:07] Your inclusion of this movie on your program may actually do it good, propelling it forward

[48:10] into cult status.

[48:12] I think that he's overestimating our influence.

[48:15] I don't think so.

[48:16] This could be our Manos.

[48:17] Yeah.

[48:18] Yep.

[48:19] Well, we're propelling it into cult status by mentioning it on this show.

Elliott Kalan

[48:22] So it's called Subdivision Colorado?

[48:24] Yeah.

[48:24] What I love is it's an adventure movie that has a name that sounds like a housing subdivision.

[48:30] Like it sounds like a planned community.

Stuart Wellington

[48:33] Yeah.

[48:33] I mean, it has a lot to learn from Mom and Dad Save the World.

[48:36] Or Twin Sitters.

[48:37] Or Twin Sitters.

Dan McCoy

[48:39] Both of those movies tell you right what you're in for.

[48:42] You are going to see some twins babysit.

Elliott Kalan

[48:44] Uh-huh.

[48:45] You're going to see Mom and Dad Save the World.

[48:47] All these things.

[48:48] Whereas My Life as a Dog, that guy doesn't turn into a dog once.

[48:51] No.

Dan McCoy

[48:51] What the fuck?

[48:52] Boring.

[48:53] Boring.

[48:54] Stick to the shaggy DA.

[48:57] What I love about that is the idea that that's the logical progression.

[49:01] Like, all right, in the first movie he's just a shaggy dog.

[49:04] In the second movie...

Elliott Kalan

[49:04] He's going to be running for district attorney.

[49:06] He knows he has a problem with turning into dogs.

[49:09] You know what?

[49:10] He'll take on a position of authority as the district attorney.

Dan McCoy

[49:13] Wasn't it our idea, Elliot, that it would have been a better movie if it was the shaggy dog catcher?

[49:18] Yeah.

[49:18] Like, that it turns into, like, Greek tragedy.

[49:20] It was, like, porn.

[49:21] He's going to betray his own type.

[49:22] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[49:22] It ends with him leading himself to be put to sleep.

[49:25] Oh.

[49:26] So sad.

[49:28] Don't blame me.

[49:29] Blame Aeschylus.

[49:30] Yep.

[49:31] Blame Euripides.

[49:33] Yep, it's Euripides.

[49:35] After he finished The Backeye, he wrote The Shaggy Dog Catcher.

Dan McCoy

[49:38] On a similar note of recommending good, bad movies that are too obscure to talk about on the show,

[49:45] I saw a movie called Street Revenge that a friend of a friend was the boom mic operator on.

[49:54] And he's like, you've got to see this.

[49:55] Not a good movie.

[49:56] And if you can find it, I recommend it.

[50:00] I have no idea what happened in the movie.

[50:03] I watched it just two nights ago.

[50:05] Could not follow the plot, but brilliant, bad filmmaking.

[50:10] Sounds good.

[50:11] Street Revenge, it's called.

[50:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:12] Sounds good.

[50:13] Okay.

[50:13] So what else do we have to do here?

Dan McCoy

[50:15] Well, I did want to say we got a comment on the last show from a superfan, Ksenia.

Elliott Kalan

[50:23] Am I saying that right, Elliot?

[50:24] Ksenia.

[50:25] Yeah.

[50:25] You don't want to put so much space between the K and the S.

[50:28] Ksenia.

[50:29] All right, Ksenia.

Dan McCoy

[50:30] Lovely person.

[50:30] Ksenia.

[50:31] Good friend of mine.

[50:32] And she mentioned that, strangely enough, Head of the Family is available on Netflix.

[50:39] Holy shit.

[50:39] It wasn't, but it's actually on DVD and you can get it through Netflix.

[50:43] Whereas Paul Schrader's Blue Collar is not.

[50:46] Really?

[50:46] Because that is on DVD.

[50:48] Yeah.

[50:48] Very strange.

Elliott Kalan

[50:49] That DVD might be out of print.

Stuart Wellington

[50:50] To make an additional footnote, I actually put it on my Netflix cube right after recommending

[50:57] it.

[50:57] I apologize for the mistake.

Dan McCoy

[50:59] Well, I did too after your great description.

[51:02] Yeah, we should watch it together.

[51:03] All right.

[51:04] Can I watch it with you guys?

[51:05] No.

Stuart Wellington

[51:07] Come on.

[51:07] No, you're going to be watching Transformers Revenge of the Fallen.

Elliott Kalan

[51:09] No, I don't want to watch Transformers Revenge of the Fallen.

[51:12] I literally just wish I could watch the scenes where robots do stupid things.

Stuart Wellington

[51:17] Yep.

[51:17] Like fart and make...

[51:18] Like fart and have balls.

[51:21] And have human style testicles.

Dan McCoy

[51:23] I do want to take this opportunity to plug Ksenia's started a zine.

[51:29] It's like a magazine.

[51:30] Yeah.

[51:31] It's like a magazine, but it happened in the early 90s and not so much anymore.

[51:35] Oh, come on.

[51:36] Is it made on graph paper?

[51:37] She's going to be taking part in a zine fair this weekend.

[51:40] Hey, no, I'm in total support.

[51:41] I'm plugging it on the show.

[51:42] All right.

[51:42] But she's putting out a zine.

[51:44] It's called I Love Bad Movies.

[51:45] There's stuff that both Elliot and I wrote in it.

[51:50] The zine convention.

[51:52] Yeah.

[51:53] Yes.

[51:53] Are there good pictures at least?

[51:55] Drop the ball.

[51:57] Zine convention on Saturday.

[51:59] So by the time this comes out...

Stuart Wellington

[52:01] I could do some modeling for the next one if you guys...

[52:04] You can do some what?

[52:05] I'd do some modeling for some photographs.

[52:08] Nude modeling?

[52:08] Well, they don't have to be nude.

[52:09] I mean, I want to leave something to the imagination.

[52:12] I could wear like a strange belt.

Elliott Kalan

[52:16] I see a nude pictorial with you where you're discreetly covering yourself with a giant mustache.

[52:22] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[52:23] Well, I'm sure she'll get in touch with you.

[52:24] But I'll put a link to where you can buy the zine online on the show notes.

[52:30] That would be great.

[52:32] And I also wanted to...

[52:33] Elliot, you're doing a movie screening series.

[52:36] Do you want to plug that?

Elliott Kalan

[52:37] Yeah, I'd love to.

[52:38] I am now...

[52:39] I'm hosting a monthly film screening series at the 92nd Street Y Tribeca in New York on 200 Hudson Street.

[52:48] We had our first showing last month, which was The Thin Man.

[52:51] And this month, July...

[52:53] No, this coming month, July 15th...

[52:55] I guess it's not last month.

[52:56] On June, we watched The Thin Man.

[52:58] July 15th, we'll be watching The Devil and Daniel Webster.

[53:00] And I'll be introducing it and giving a short, brief talk afterwards.

[53:04] Just about things that are interesting about it.

[53:06] And then August, taking a break.

[53:09] And then September, I'm going to show Love Me Tonight.

[53:13] And October will be The Old Dark House.

[53:16] Wow.

[53:17] And most of these we'll have on film.

[53:21] They've been able to secure actual film prints of them.

[53:23] So July 15th, 8 p.m., The Devil and Daniel Webster.

[53:28] If you go to the 92Y Tribeca website, you can buy tickets.

[53:32] It'll be a lot of fun.

[53:33] If you've never seen the movie, it's a great movie.

Dan McCoy

[53:34] Yeah.

[53:35] And if you want to see Elliot in person, talk about a movie that's good.

Elliott Kalan

[53:39] Yeah.

[53:40] Watch a movie.

Stuart Wellington

[53:41] And possibly have Dan and I in the audience.

Elliott Kalan

[53:43] Yeah, I hope so.

[53:44] Hootin.

[53:45] Hootin holler.

[53:45] You might have a Flophouse reunion there.

[53:47] Oh, man.

[53:48] But The Devil and Daniel Webster is a lot of fun.

[53:49] It's both very creepy and very corny.

[53:52] There are a lot of scenes that are like old-fashioned corn pone and then scenes that are genuinely

[53:55] like, this is really like weird and kind of scary for a movie from the 1940s.

[54:00] And you recommended it on the show, so there's a connection.

[54:02] There's a connection there.

[54:03] And the other ones will be a lot of fun too.

[54:06] But I'll plug them as, you know, when we get closer.

[54:08] Sure.

[54:08] Please come by.

[54:09] It'll be a lot of fun.

[54:10] And I guarantee a good movie.

[54:12] And I'll try not to talk too long.

Dan McCoy

[54:14] And I would like to also plug a sketch group that I'm in is doing shows the first four Fridays

[54:20] in July at the Magnet Theater in New York.

[54:23] If you Google the Magnet Theater, you'll find the website.

[54:27] The sketch group is called Mr. White Pants, the Mr. White Pants Comedy Hour.

[54:31] The first four Fridays in July at 7 p.m.

[54:33] You can come see us.

[54:34] It's only $5.

[54:36] So come on out.

[54:38] Stuart, would you like to plug anything?

Stuart Wellington

[54:41] No, I have nothing to plug.

[54:43] Plug your mustache.

[54:44] I could.

[54:45] It's pretty impressive.

[54:46] It's rich and lustrous.

[54:47] And I bought some jeans.

Dan McCoy

[54:49] Yeah, you were excited about that.

[54:50] You apparently haven't bought jeans for 10 years.

[54:52] Yeah, when was the last time you bought jeans?

[54:53] 10 years ago.

[54:54] 10 years ago.

Stuart Wellington

[54:54] Back when they, you know, they...

[54:57] When they're acid washed?

[54:58] They were body glove jeans.

[55:00] Yep.

[55:01] They're so old that they don't change colors anymore.

[55:02] I got sports jeans because I really liked AC Slater back then.

[55:06] Okay, so this has been the Flophouse, right?

[55:09] Yeah, this has been the Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[55:10] It has been that indeed.

Stuart Wellington

[55:13] Well, you can check us out at www.flophousepodcast.com

Elliott Kalan

[55:23] Flophouse.flopspotblogspothousecast.edu

Dan McCoy

[55:29] Speaking of which, I have to drop this in.

[55:33] The aforementioned sketch group, Mr. White Pants.

[55:35] If you go to mrwhitepants.com, that's actually a gay porn site

[55:40] focused on men in white pants.

[55:42] I'm not kidding about that.

[55:43] So don't go to that site.

[55:44] No, unless you are interested in men in white pants.

Elliott Kalan

[55:47] It'll be like aquafan.com, the last porn site that we accidentally plugged on the show.

Dan McCoy

[55:52] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[55:54] For the Flophouse.

[55:54] I still haven't had sex underwater yet.

[55:56] No, me either.

[55:57] That's why I haven't posted on that site yet.

[55:59] One posting that says sex underwater.

[56:01] Anybody done it?

[56:02] And no other postings.

Dan McCoy

[56:04] What a sight.

[56:06] Moral is, for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[56:10] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[56:11] I continue to be Elliot Kalin.

Elliott Kalan

[56:13] Good night.

Stuart Wellington

[56:15] You're a Wiccan?

[56:15] I was, I'm a Wiccan.

[56:17] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:18] He's coming out as a Wiccan.

Stuart Wellington

[56:20] I was, uh, I was just working for the weekend.

[56:24] Working for the weekend.

[56:25] Hey guys.

[56:27] Everybody's Wiccan for the weekend.

Elliott Kalan

[56:29] I was going to say, everybody's working for the Wiccans.

Stuart Wellington

[56:32] Guys, it's almost 10.

[56:33] Two hours.

[56:34] TGIF, you know what I mean?

[56:35] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[56:36] Yep.

[56:37] That's when my Friday starts.

[56:38] Midnight on Thursday night.

[56:40] Ha ha ha.

The Flop House: Episode #40 - Friday the 13th

Transcript

In this episode

Description