The Flop House: Episode #64 - Repo Men

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss Repo Men, twice the Repo Men of Repo Man, one billionth as good a movie.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:38] Flophouse.

[0:39] Stuart Wellington.

[0:41] That's my new intro.

[0:44] You forgot that you were supposed to say your name there.

[0:46] Whoa, whoa, who's talking? I don't know.

[0:49] It's not been introduced.

[0:50] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:52] The voice that sounds like this is Elliot Kalin.

[0:54] Oh, good.

[0:56] So, for new listeners, fix our voice sounds in your heads.

[1:00] Flop house.

[1:01] Flop house.

[1:02] Flop house.

[1:03] Flop house.

[1:06] It was like that scene when the weird guys in Dark Crystal all start moaning at the same pitch.

[1:14] We were a lot like that, I think.

[1:17] Okay, so what's going on?

[1:18] What are we doing here?

[1:19] We don't have six arms.

[1:19] I kind of wish I did, though.

[1:22] There was a woman at Comic-Con with a really good Skeksis costume.

[1:26] that's pretty awesome was it like a hot skeksis no uh i find that hard to believe usually when

[1:32] i think of a skeksis costume i think of like a really hot chick of the bikini wrinkly uh lizard

[1:37] rat birds with voluminous robes to cover their hideous bodies yes at least it wasn't like a sexy

[1:45] gelfling because that would be like a prepubescent that's like an elf quest redundant yeah they are

[1:51] They're like the creepy drawings of a pedophile.

[1:54] What do you think we're getting Elliot for his bachelor party?

[1:58] A gelfling stripper?

[1:59] Yeah, doy.

[2:00] Oh, it's ruined now.

[2:01] When I was a kid, I was always creeped out by the gelflings

[2:04] because I thought they looked too much like Michael Jackson.

[2:06] Prescient.

[2:09] Anyhoo.

[2:10] Anyhoo.

[2:12] Anyhoo.

[2:13] Anyhoo.

[2:14] We should take this on the road, guys.

[2:16] Oh, man.

[2:17] The new singing group.

[2:18] Yeah, the new singing group that just does one-note songs

[2:20] that have one word.

[2:22] Inspired by the Three Stooges.

[2:25] Well, we can jam a lot of tracks

[2:27] into a set.

[2:28] That's true.

[2:28] And one CD could have about 100 tracks.

[2:31] Yeah.

[2:31] So we don't want to talk about the movie this week,

[2:34] do we?

[2:34] Because I know I don't.

[2:36] No, we took a little vacation

[2:38] and it did not refresh our batteries.

[2:40] It made us angrier

[2:41] that we had to watch a bad movie.

[2:43] Well, I don't know about angrier,

[2:44] but I was in California for two weeks.

[2:47] It was very pleasant.

[2:48] Then I had to come back to this.

[2:50] And I was sick, and it wasn't pleasant, and I'm regaining my strength, and I had to suffer through this.

[2:58] And I was on a long sabbatical.

[3:00] Yeah, from life?

[3:02] From having fun, yeah.

[3:04] Yep, enough of that.

[3:07] Like a suck-batical.

[3:08] No, man, you didn't lose it. You still got it, Elliot. I love that shit.

[3:13] Professional comedy writer, Elliot Kalin.

[3:16] Okay, so let me refresh our listeners if they've forgotten.

[3:20] What we do is we, the three of us, get together on an evening,

[3:24] usually during the week, because that's what fits best with you guys' schedule.

[3:28] That's a little more information than I need.

[3:31] Chill out, okay.

[3:32] Dan and I get some drinks.

[3:34] Elliot gets a shitload of Popeyes.

[3:36] His drink.

[3:38] Yeah, we have our various, you know, yeah.

[3:41] We watch a movie that is available on either DirecTV, Watch It Now, or DVD, or some shit.

[3:48] Again, I don't think the format really plays into it.

[3:50] I'm explaining it.

[3:51] I think it's important.

[3:52] How big do you think the television is?

[3:53] I don't know.

[3:54] It's like a 32-inch?

[3:55] It's pretty small.

[3:56] 32-inch?

[3:56] It's meager.

[3:58] It's a 42-inch.

[3:59] Really?

[4:00] I think so.

[4:01] I don't think you can afford a 42-inch, Dan.

[4:03] All right.

[4:04] So we watch a movie.

[4:06] 5.1 stereo sound.

[4:07] That's true.

[4:08] The sound is pretty incredible.

[4:09] Yeah.

[4:10] So we watch this movie.

[4:12] Usually it's a movie that has been.

[4:14] With our eyes.

[4:14] Yeah.

[4:14] It bounces off the TV, is emitted from the TV screen and enters our retina.

[4:18] There's rods and cones involved somehow.

[4:20] Thanks Merlin for explaining it to me.

[4:23] Merlin, Merlin, the eye scientist.

[4:26] Yeah.

[4:27] Yeah, that's, isn't that what he taught him in Sword in the Stone?

[4:30] Oh, maybe he did.

[4:31] Yeah.

[4:31] So we watch a movie, usually one that Dan picks out and forces the other, you know,

[4:37] Elliot and me to watch.

[4:38] At gunpoint.

[4:39] yeah and he's like i have to watch this movie i've been waiting to watch it so we watch this

[4:44] and uh and then we talk about it which is what we're about to do the movie this week unless we

[4:50] unless we can procrastinate a little bit longer what the movie this week is repo man repo man

[4:57] okay so uh it is crappy so when when you see the title repo man you usually think of what

[5:06] ellie go the movie repo man okay dan go the movie repo man stewart go uh repo the genetic opera

[5:13] oh wow curveball well that's strange but don't worry about let's go this movie combines elements

[5:19] from all of those except for repo man okay uh it is the story of jude law a genetic

[5:27] The actor playing the character.

[5:30] Now, this is the future where, for some reason, Toronto seems to be part of America.

[5:37] There was a war of some kind.

[5:39] Now Jude Law is a veteran whose job is to retrieve organ machines,

[5:47] the kind of scientifically designed organs that people have bought to replace their malfunctioning organs

[5:52] and now cannot pay the price for.

[5:55] They can't keep up their payments.

[5:57] So they send out the repo men.

[5:58] Yeah, you're on some kind of like a contract plan.

[6:00] Yes.

[6:01] So they send out the repo men when you're behind payment to cut open your belly and take the organs back.

[6:07] These are predatory lenders is what you're saying.

[6:11] They are the predatoriest of lenders.

[6:12] It's similar to if you get a cell phone contract and you fail to pay and then some dude cuts your ears off.

[6:19] Oh, wow.

[6:19] What cell phone company does that?

[6:23] I think it's Verizon.

[6:24] Oh, okay.

[6:25] Ooh.

[6:27] uh but anyway commentary jude law seems mostly untroubled by this work that he does his wife

[6:34] hates it uh but he and his partner forrest whitaker who were also veterans from the same

[6:40] war together and were friends as kids yeah it seems like one or the other would have done

[6:44] like for the screen right apparently they both enlisted apparently it was like a civil war

[6:49] enlistment or world war one enlistment where you could all go in a group and they put a whole unit

[6:53] together from the same town they spent all their money on special effects they couldn't spend their

[6:58] money on additional characters in the store yes uh the two of them are partners they're repo men

[7:04] forrest whitaker is a little too over eager likes cutting people's bellies open uh but jude law

[7:10] while getting a repo uh what exactly happened to him i don't even remember anymore i don't know

[7:18] The defibrillator malfunctioned and his own heart got zapped.

[7:22] And he got blown up.

[7:23] He had to get a new replacement heart.

[7:25] Now he owes money to the company.

[7:27] His life is falling apart.

[7:28] His wife has kicked him out of the house.

[7:30] Yep.

[7:30] And he decides that it's time to take action.

[7:34] This involves hanging out in broken down buildings for about 40 hours.

[7:39] But it also involves falling in love with a girl who has like 80 organs that have been replaced.

[7:48] You would think that when they tried to give her a credit check, they would find out that she is unable to pay for the organs she already has.

[7:54] Well, that's the thing.

[7:55] They don't really do much of a credit check because they figure they can cut up those organ default payments and sell them as investments to pension plans and things like that.

[8:06] Then if those things are defaulted, the government will swoop in and pay for them.

[8:11] What I think is interesting...

[8:12] Prescient.

[8:12] It's a prescient movie.

[8:14] They also point out that there's a number of characters throughout the movie, not to skip ahead, that have black market organs.

[8:21] Under what right does this other company, how can they swoop in and just cut out black market organs?

[8:29] That doesn't make sense to me.

[8:30] It might be that it's their property that's been taken from them.

[8:34] Okay.

[8:34] I think that's part of it.

[8:36] And like jailbroken or whatever.

[8:40] Sure.

[8:41] To jailbreak something when you, like, if somebody has an eye.

[8:44] You're saying that you want to run third-party apps on your heart?

[8:49] Yeah, absolutely.

[8:50] If you want to do that.

[8:51] You wouldn't like to jack it up like the heart in Crank 2, for instance?

[8:55] Yes, precisely.

[8:56] So anyway, he's on the run with this girl.

[8:59] They have a series of stupid plans that don't help them.

[9:02] Forrest Whitaker is sent by their boss, Liev Schreiber, to go track Jude Law down and get his heart back.

[9:11] uh in the end they go to the main building where the headquarters of the company is and they kill

[9:19] like a bazillion people and then blow it up and then jude law is in on a sunny beach with his

[9:26] girl they he's a famous author now his friend is there with him it looks like he's perfectly

[9:32] content and everything worked out right that's that's what it seems like uh-oh then they stole

[9:38] the end from brazil and it turns out a fake reality is being fed into his brain while he's

[9:44] in a comatose state and in reality everything's bad in a fight earlier in the film he uh his brain

[9:51] got uh damaged and so uh he's dane bramaged yeah forced well po body's nervous but force

[10:00] whittaker put this like all i'm saying is he's not as think as you drunk he is

[10:04] he's with stupid who is himself but uh yeah no force what are you guys talking about

[10:13] haven't you ever been to a county fair come on

[10:16] where they sell t-shirts force whittaker takes pity on him in the only way he can

[10:22] and puts him into a beautiful dream and his girl i guess gets i think it's killed off screen they're

[10:30] just gonna take her organs back out yeah which is exactly again like brazil yes it's just they do a

[10:36] great job kind of like bringing you back down to reality oh yeah spoilers for brazil by the way

[10:42] because like i mean we're just always being we're always being fed these hollywood endings where

[10:47] everything works out right in the end but this movie kind of tells us tells us the real way

[10:52] things are in this world except the fake organs the hollywood ending now is the like surprise

[10:57] Things are bad.

[10:58] Yeah.

[10:59] Like, that's become such a cliche.

[11:01] Like, when Brazil did it, I'm sure it was, you know, frightening.

[11:05] Like in Carrie, where the hand bursts out of the dirt, and you're like, whoa!

[11:10] That is a dream.

[11:12] It's earlier than Brazil.

[11:13] Or Jurassic Park.

[11:16] I don't think there is a twist ending in Jurassic Park.

[11:19] No, there is dinosaurs still.

[11:20] It just ends with them flying away from the island.

[11:22] There's dinosaurs hanging out, like, still alive.

[11:24] They are, but there's not a twist.

[11:27] They've escaped.

[11:27] Oh, I thought they thought they killed all the dinosaurs.

[11:29] No.

[11:30] I don't know about this one.

[11:32] There's a helicopter out of there.

[11:33] Maybe I was thinking of the movie.

[11:34] And we have the dinosaurs behind.

[11:35] Is that the movie Carnosaur?

[11:36] You're thinking of Carnosaur, where they kill the dinosaurs, and they go, yeah, we did it.

[11:40] And then the government troops bust in and kill all the heroes because no one can know about it.

[11:44] I thought that was Return of the Living Dead.

[11:46] Return of the Living Dead is similar, where the army decides.

[11:48] Wow, we were just spoiling everything.

[11:49] But are there dinosaurs in that?

[11:51] I wish it was Return of the Living Dead dinosaurs.

[11:54] That would be awesome.

[11:54] I'd love to see a zombie dinosaur movie.

[11:57] I guess the closest thing to that is Night at the Museum.

[11:59] There's a zombie dinosaur in that?

[12:02] There's a dinosaur skeleton that's running around trying to eat somebody.

[12:04] Is there a cowboy riding on that?

[12:05] There should be if there isn't.

[12:07] A zombie cowboy or a regular cowboy?

[12:09] No, a regular cowboy.

[12:10] Okay.

[12:10] And can he control dust devils and swarm his enemies?

[12:15] I don't think so.

[12:16] That's too bad.

[12:17] I don't think any cowboy could ever do that.

[12:19] Like an aromancer?

[12:20] We'll talk about it later.

[12:21] I do think that, I don't know, I was still a little surprised that the ending of this movie turned out to be so bleak since the rest of it seemed to be so, like, incredibly dumb.

[12:32] Well, that's the thing.

[12:32] The movie alternated between really hyper-stupid, like, which I mean not hyper-stupid, like, so stupid, but, like, hyper-active and, like, very fast and kind of fun but stupid.

[12:46] It alternated between that and super grim and super serious and dark and gritty in a way that was very not good.

[12:55] Well, that was the thing.

[12:56] For the first 15 minutes, you're set up to think that this is going to be a satire, like a dark comedy action film.

[13:04] And then as soon as Jude Law gets a conscience, it starts taking the concept seriously.

[13:12] And the concept is ridiculous on its face.

[13:14] Well, just from the beginning, like, how did this company get permission to run this business?

[13:20] That's a good question.

[13:21] And also, I kept wondering during the movie, and I kept saying, how do this many people need mechanical organs?

[13:30] Yeah, because, like, when Jude Law gets his fake heart put in, it starts, like, basically malfunctioning right away.

[13:37] Like, why would people get these mechanical organs if they don't make them, like, super-powered?

[13:42] That would explain it at least a little bit.

[13:45] Yeah, and organ transplants are – maybe there was a line of dialogue somewhere that explained, like, why everyone needed new organs all of a sudden.

[13:50] But, like, organ transplants are not that common a thing.

[13:54] There are a lot of them, and there are not enough organs to go around.

[13:56] But, like, they have a scanner gun that they can point at someone, and it tells them if they have a fake organ in them.

[14:02] And they're driving down the street, and it seems like everybody has one.

[14:05] Well, that was what was ridiculous to me, not the fact that there were so many –

[14:09] And no one can pay for them.

[14:10] organs it was that um the way these repo man work is that they don't get like a particular commission

[14:15] like oh uh jimbo jones is he needs jimbo jimbo jones yeah simpsons did you yeah you just make

[14:24] that up uh i'll just make up a name on the top of my head uh clark kent uh has yeah but say just

[14:30] make up a name let's say a guy named uh george washington whatever all right say a guy uh named

[14:37] abraham lincoln abraham lincoln uh jesus christo let's say that uh has an organ it's a little too

[14:43] ethnic for me abraham lincoln is deadbeat on his um payments which at certain times his life could

[14:50] have been possibly was born into poverty yeah you know he kind of made it as a lawyer but only

[14:54] after failing as a storekeeper he didn't make enough money splitting rails and so you make

[14:59] almost no money splitting rails most of the time you can get more money for a rail that hasn't been

[15:05] Well, you've got to pay the rail company for ruining all their merchandise.

[15:07] But the point is, he can't pay.

[15:10] And all that money went to doing rails right up his nose.

[15:13] And so they specifically send out repo men.

[15:17] And what a nose.

[15:17] Yeah, huge nose.

[15:19] It's a lot of coke he needs to fill up that schnoz.

[15:21] But there's a specific guy that they're after,

[15:24] so the repo men are sent out to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to get back the organ.

[15:28] Just to name an address off the top of my head.

[15:30] But that makes sense to me.

[15:33] Whereas, like, they're just, like, cruising around with their, like, repo gun, and they're like, okay, let's scan these people.

[15:39] All right, that guy doesn't have an organ.

[15:40] Oh, that guy has an organ.

[15:41] And they have license to, at will, stop anyone and zap them with an electric dart gun and cut their bellies open and leave them to die, basically.

[15:51] More than anything, this future, the greatest, like, technological advancement is the advancement in scanning technology.

[15:58] Yes, they can scan through thick flesh of human beings.

[16:02] Yeah, which is uncommon.

[16:03] Uncommon nowadays for a scanner to work even when it's pressed up against the barcode.

[16:08] And yet, cars, phones, everything else is almost exactly the same.

[16:14] Yeah, it's true.

[16:14] These repo guys, they could get more money just like patenting that scanning technology and selling it.

[16:20] I have to assume they did.

[16:21] And I mean, now granted, we've talked a little bit about this vision of the future that we're presenting.

[16:27] Yes.

[16:27] This dystopian vision.

[16:29] It's a unique vision of the future where almost everything is Asian-influenced.

[16:33] Big screens on buildings.

[16:35] It's raining a lot.

[16:36] Never seen that before.

[16:37] A bunch of blimps flying around.

[16:39] Slightly different clothing styles, but not enough so that you're actually like,

[16:44] oh, that looks weird.

[16:45] You're like, oh, that kind of looks cool.

[16:47] Yeah, blimps.

[16:49] There's a lot of fancy 3D and stuff.

[16:54] Yeah, what you're saying is it's basically Blade Runner.

[16:56] Yeah, it's Blade Runner.

[16:57] Or Back to the Future Part II.

[16:59] yeah with hoverboards except there's no hoverboards in this you're saying that they went down to the

[17:06] store and they took a few like oh i'll take a little blade runner i'll take a little brazil

[17:11] a little bit of minority report i'm gonna steal a scene from old boy poorly and like forget what

[17:17] made that scene interesting yeah really poorly steal it but they it does feel like it's a mishmash

[17:23] of design choices that were made in other movies.

[17:27] And there are a few parts where things look a little bit different,

[17:30] and it's kind of neat.

[17:31] Like, when they break into the headquarters of the organ company,

[17:35] which I don't remember the name of.

[17:36] The Union?

[17:36] Oh, The Union, that's right, which doesn't make sense as a name.

[17:40] It's stupid.

[17:40] It's because when you hear The Union, you don't think,

[17:43] oh, that's the name of a company.

[17:44] You think, oh, they're referring to the union they belong to,

[17:47] which they're not.

[17:48] Well, it's a coded political message.

[17:50] Against unions?

[17:52] Against unions.

[17:52] Really?

[17:53] Okay, that's weird.

[17:54] Strikebreakers, that's what they are.

[17:56] They go into the headquarters and they find the room where the people are actually making the organs.

[18:01] And it's this huge white room of people in the suits you wear when you're making computer chips.

[18:09] You know, like covers, full body, blinding white hazmat suits.

[18:14] They're all sitting at individual tables just kind of making little movements with screws and things on these artificial organs.

[18:22] Organ grinders, they're called.

[18:23] They're grinding organs, yeah.

[18:24] There's little monkeys everywhere with cups of coins.

[18:27] Wow.

[18:28] That seems like that would not be sanitary.

[18:31] Well, the monkeys are shaved.

[18:32] Okay.

[18:33] Fair enough.

[18:34] But that scene, that setup, looks kind of neat.

[18:38] Yeah.

[18:39] But then they don't do anything with it, and they just kind of throw it away.

[18:41] I think I was reading Entertainment Weekly during that scene.

[18:43] Yeah, I think you were complaining about the Green Lantern movie at that point.

[18:45] Yeah, it looks really stupid.

[18:47] So, something else about Repo Men.

[18:51] Dan, what did you think about the choice to have Jude Law as our star?

[18:56] Too much charisma?

[18:57] Well, um...

[19:00] Too much scene-chewing?

[19:02] Yeah, his box office streak continues unabated.

[19:06] And the streak I'm talking about is the streak of bombs.

[19:09] Is the losing streak.

[19:10] What other bombs has he had recently?

[19:12] Well, I mean, you know, he was, like, recently.

[19:15] I mean, he hasn't been given much chance to do it.

[19:17] He was in Alfie, of course, and the Sleuth remake did not do well.

[19:23] What else?

[19:25] I can't even think.

[19:26] It's a remake of a not very good movie.

[19:27] What's that movie where Cameron Diaz goes to England and Kate Winslet goes to America?

[19:33] Yeah, he was in that thing.

[19:34] Did that do well?

[19:36] I thought it did.

[19:36] It probably did okay, but I think it was the least successful of that movie.

[19:40] He was in Sherlock Holmes.

[19:41] Oh, that's true.

[19:42] And I thought he was good in Sherlock Holmes.

[19:44] Yes, he was good in Sherlock Holmes.

[19:46] He was in AI.

[19:47] But that was years ago.

[19:49] That's a 10-year-old movie.

[19:50] I think the man is not bad as a supporting actor.

[19:56] Well, he is good when he's a character

[19:58] that you are not supposed to identify with

[20:00] or necessarily even like.

[20:01] Like, talented Mr. Ripley, he's great in playing an asshole.

[20:05] Well, but, I mean, are we supposed to like him here?

[20:10] We are because he has a change of heart

[20:13] and realizes what he did is wrong

[20:14] and then we're just supposed to want him to take down the system or some crap.

[20:17] Yeah, I mean, I think part of the problem with this movie

[20:20] is they don't understand that the viewer does not identify with this guy at all.

[20:25] Yeah.

[20:25] Like, I'm going to refer to another crappy science fiction movie.

[20:30] Cold Stone Creamery told you to go out and kill people.

[20:34] We're not supposed to talk about the place I work, Dan.

[20:36] I'm sorry.

[20:36] You think you're going to get stalkers?

[20:39] No, I'm thinking about problems with my place of work.

[20:43] We talk about where I work all the time.

[20:45] I'd rather not talk about the...

[20:47] Pier 1 imports.

[20:49] Guys, so, what I was going to say, though...

[20:53] So, at Shady O'Rack, anyway, you were saying...

[20:55] To compare it to, say, the movie Equilibrium,

[20:59] which is a totally stupid, silly, futuristic movie...

[21:03] Based on a premise that makes no sense.

[21:05] Yes, makes no sense at all.

[21:06] On some level, at least you can identify with Christian Bale's character,

[21:10] because he's a guy who is slowly discovering the world.

[21:14] He's not a sociopathic killer who's like,

[21:17] I'm a total asshole.

[21:18] Wait a minute.

[21:19] The people I'm hurting are just like me.

[21:22] That's bullshit.

[21:23] No person who's like that will have a change of heart.

[21:27] So, yeah, I can't really identify.

[21:31] It's similar to John Travolta's character in From Paris with Love

[21:35] in that we are supposed to be charmed

[21:39] and fall for a character who is a jerk who kills people for no reason it seems does and we can

[21:47] never really tell when whether we're supposed to like him or whether we're supposed to even trust

[21:53] what he's saying you know like it's they they both movies have set up a character who we're

[21:58] supposed to like them i guess because they kill people without in like cool ways but really they

[22:05] don't give us anything to glom onto so we're left with just a guy running around doing crazy things

[22:10] that we don't approve of so you're saying we should like people who kill people in boring ways

[22:15] i think that was what i don't think that was the moral i'm saying like when you see if you see a

[22:21] movie there are movies about killers where the audience identifies with the killer because the

[22:26] killer there's a certain style about the movie or about the character or something that makes

[22:31] him charismatic to like the professional yeah exactly like a lot of hitman movies like the

[22:37] movie hitman or like gross point blank or something like that yeah or like the movie hitman uh like

[22:43] where you're supposed to like the character despite his doing these things or because he can

[22:49] get away with things that the audience can't get away with but has fantasized about doing whereas

[22:54] here we're not given those ropes to cut to hold on to you know we're given a guy an unlikable guy

[23:00] doing unlikable things but i always wanted to electrocute a guy until they passed out and then

[23:06] cut their organs out i don't know if you should say that on a recording oops uh-oh um yeah this

[23:13] has been an elaborate fbi sting stewart i'm busted warm take him out swarm wait that's a code word

[23:19] yeah swarm means stay back don't do anything yet okay and take him out means we're gonna need more

[23:25] time so this movie appealed to me uh stewart because it featured one of the members of the

[23:34] wu-tang clan of rappers the rizza elliot yeah what not to be confused what's going on with you

[23:43] the jizza i i don't know i don't know what i'm supposed to say or what you want from me at this

[23:49] no i don't know i was just changing up the uh changing the conversation rizza was the most

[23:54] likable character in the entire movie and the most charismatic performer in the entire movie

[23:58] although i have to admit forrest whitaker had his moments yep although i never quite understood why

[24:03] forrest whitaker didn't get a replacement eye for his one lazy eye in a world of replacement

[24:08] he can't afford it interesting he doesn't want to be repoed that's true although i'd imagine you

[24:13] get some kind of corporate discount but apparently not enough because jude law can't keep up with the

[24:17] payments on his heart i don't think it was the issue of payments that made him not want to keep

[24:20] up with it i think it was on the principle right you know i'm gonna i'm gonna go out on a limb with

[24:25] your your um thing about uh likability and like killing people and say that part of the problem

[24:31] with this movie is actually the fact that jude law did find a conscience because i found uh

[24:39] elliot's doing a comical thing with his glasses rearranging my glasses while you're talking um

[24:44] I found Liev Schreiber more, maybe not like I would like to hang out with him in life,

[24:51] but more likable and enjoyable in this film because he had no conscience.

[24:54] No, but Liev Schreiber had no conscience, but he also had panache.

[24:57] The way he said things was funny.

[24:58] Like, he had a personality and a style.

[25:00] He seemed to be enjoying himself in the movie.

[25:03] Yes, exactly.

[25:04] Unlike the other actors.

[25:06] And, yeah, that's true, unlike anybody.

[25:10] Well, I think he was just like, this will pay for my time on Broadway.

[25:13] oh this is great this will pay for my time on wolverine x-men origins part two

[25:19] well i assume they would pay him for that oh no that's a small budget role

[25:25] a tiny little movie like that it's a tiny movie that's actually about saber tooth is broken down

[25:32] he's old he's good he's doing fights in small towns he's got to reconnect with his daughter

[25:37] leo schreiber personally funded all of x-men origins war i didn't realize that that's the

[25:42] thing because the studios weren't interested saved up all his broadway money who's this wolverine

[25:47] character how would america what would america think about this guy that we're going to put in

[25:53] a movie i've never heard of him uh but no but but leo schreiber is but he is the villain of the movie

[26:02] yeah so it's like you can like him because he's a he's a villain with style you know that he you're

[26:08] not supposed to approve of him, even if you like

[26:10] the personality. The man even dies

[26:12] with style. Yeah, he has one of the best deaths

[26:14] in the movie. But Jude Law, you're supposed

[26:16] to sympathize with in some way.

[26:18] And I don't.

[26:20] You know, same thing with Silence of the Lambs.

[26:21] People like the Hannibal Lecter character

[26:24] because he's got charisma

[26:26] and it's open

[26:28] that he's a monster. You're not supposed to think of him

[26:30] as a hero.

[26:30] You know what, guys? Andy doesn't have

[26:34] any crazy sexual hang-ups.

[26:37] I don't know where that came from.

[26:39] That's where people draw the line with the serial killer.

[26:42] They think a serial killer is cool when he's kind of smart and clever.

[26:46] But as soon as things start getting weird sexually...

[26:50] Buffalo Bill tucking his penis between his legs is not okay.

[26:54] But Hannibal Lecter eating people is okay.

[26:57] Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say.

[26:58] Yeah, I think that's a good point.

[27:00] You know what, guys?

[27:01] I think I'm going to cut this shorter than usual.

[27:04] Okay.

[27:05] Because we've got so much to say.

[27:07] Well, I mean, this movie has totally captured the heart of what we're all about.

[27:11] We don't have a lot to say, but also in lieu of talking about recommendations,

[27:17] I would like to get a live report, or not a live report, a much later report.

[27:22] I'm alive.

[27:23] About the San Diego Comic-Con from Elliot.

[27:28] You mean San Diego Comic-Con International?

[27:30] Yeah.

[27:30] So in order to give more time to that segment,

[27:34] and I think we're going to wrap it up and give our final judgments on this.

[27:37] Okay.

[27:38] I was hoping for a little more debate.

[27:41] A bad, bad movie, or a movie that you actually kind of liked.

[27:45] Stuart?

[27:45] I think I'm going to go with bad, bad movie on this one.

[27:50] Mainly, more than anything, just because of the length.

[27:53] Yeah, it was also very long.

[27:54] If it wasn't so long, I might have at least been able to, you know,

[27:58] like read an entertainment weekly until there was a couple people getting shot,

[28:03] then enjoyed no that wasn't even good they even use cgi for all the blood which is really terrible

[28:10] uh altogether not a very good movie well stewart you know corn syrup don't come cheap

[28:16] i know that's the thing you're right it's much more expensive than computers

[28:19] it's much more expensive to have like to have somebody squirt blood off screen than to have

[28:27] some guy animate blood properly which they didn't in this movie obviously very fake and bad

[28:32] And they added it into scenes they didn't need it.

[28:35] There's one part, a person gets hit in the face with the gun butt.

[28:40] And they animated drops of blood flying out of the general area of their nose.

[28:45] Totally unnecessary.

[28:46] I didn't need to see blood in that scene.

[28:48] Yeah.

[28:49] I mean, I was hoping for blood.

[28:52] But it's not like if there wasn't blood, you'd be like, well, that's not realistic.

[28:56] This scene isn't visceral enough for me.

[29:01] Are we to believe we live in some sort of universe where no one has any blood?

[29:05] What is this, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode?

[29:08] So, bad, bad movie from Stuart Daniel.

[29:12] Yeah, I was going to say, bad, bad movie.

[29:13] I said this as we were watching it.

[29:17] The first 15 minutes, I thought, oh, you know, maybe I'll actually enjoy this movie.

[29:22] Because it moved along at a good clip.

[29:25] It had jokes.

[29:27] I mean, not great jokes.

[29:29] But it was like, okay, this movie knows what it is.

[29:31] It's a black comedy about people who take organs out of people's bodies.

[29:37] And that's not a bad premise for a movie necessarily.

[29:42] But then it forgot that it was an exploitation movie.

[29:46] It got really grim and people just sort of stood around for long periods of time.

[29:54] And then it got violent again at the end.

[29:57] but that was a little too late, friends.

[29:59] It was like a less fun version of Babylon A.D.,

[30:03] the last of the Lost Flophouse movie.

[30:05] Oh, you guys wish.

[30:06] If you thought this was an unfunny episode of the Flophouse,

[30:09] Flophouse listeners,

[30:09] you should have heard our Babylon A.D. episode.

[30:12] We thought that was the worst movie we had seen.

[30:14] Nope.

[30:15] I still think Whiteout is worse, though.

[30:17] I missed that one.

[30:18] I'd rather watch Repo Men than Whiteout.

[30:20] Okay.

[30:21] And I say bad, bad movie for the above reasons.

[30:24] Too long, too boring.

[30:27] Badly made, too somber.

[30:29] So, music, how is the music now?

[30:33] The music is a collection of pop standards, so it was actually, the soundtrack is fine.

[30:38] Yep.

[30:38] Except for every single time a fight scene came on, they, like, somebody went to their tape deck and got, like, stock action scene music, like fight scene music.

[30:46] It would be, like, pretty good standard pop jazz or something like that.

[30:50] And then, yeah, like...

[30:52] Now we're going to have to pay royalties to the Repo Man.

[31:06] Repo Men?

[31:08] Repo Man?

[31:09] Repo Man, you mean the Circle Jerks?

[31:11] Yeah, we're going to have to pay royalties to Black Flag because...

[31:16] What, Jonathan Richman?

[31:17] Yeah.

[31:19] Um, anyway.

[31:19] Am I in Glovers?

[31:21] This, uh, this is the, uh...

[31:25] Oh, it's Jonathan Richman in the Danny Glovers.

[31:26] Oh, interesting.

[31:28] Yeah.

[31:28] This is the portion of the show where...

[31:30] I thought he was too old for that shit.

[31:31] Well, he's still three days from retirement.

[31:34] This is the portion of the show where I try and say something.

[31:38] Let me say one thing about Danny Glover being too old for this shit.

[31:41] I was in San Francisco recently, and I was ironing a pair of pants

[31:45] while my fiancé went and did something else.

[31:48] This story's going to be great.

[31:49] And I turned on the TV because you want to watch TV while you're ironing pants.

[31:52] Sure.

[31:52] And Lethal Weapon 2 was on.

[31:54] I think it was 2.

[31:55] It's whichever one has Danny Glover is sitting on the toilet and there's a bomb strapped to the toilet in 2.

[32:01] And so Mel Gibson goes in the house because he thinks there's danger, puts his gun around the corner.

[32:05] Oh, it's just Danny Glover on the toilet.

[32:07] Then it turns out there's a bomb on the toilet and Danny Glover's embarrassed because the bomb squad has to come.

[32:11] And I remember while watching it, I was like, wow, this is amazing that this was in a movie.

[32:16] There was a time when this was an acceptable scene for a blockbuster film.

[32:20] It's this ridiculous, like, the joke is he's sitting on the toilet.

[32:24] You know, and then there's a bomb there.

[32:26] Movies have gotten both better and worse.

[32:29] That would never happen in today's world of Old Dogs.

[32:32] But Old Dogs is a children's comedy.

[32:36] This was an R-rated action film.

[32:37] A sequel to, you know, a pretty major action movie.

[32:42] This is the sequel, yeah.

[32:43] A sequel to a huge hit that people still kind of like.

[32:46] Alright, I guess the key phrase there would be R-rated, since, I don't know, I think you've forgotten a little film called Transformers, where robots are peeing oil on people and dogs are humping things.

[33:04] That's a louder type of joke. This was just done in a very matter-of-fact way. Here's the joke we do about the guy on the toilet.

[33:14] Transformers. Is Danny Glover in that?

[33:16] Okay.

[33:17] Anyway, this is the part of the show where we talk about letters.

[33:22] He played Mr. Transformer.

[33:24] Letters in the Grand Canyon?

[33:25] Pure luck.

[33:28] Silverado?

[33:29] This first one is called Response to the Response of My Email.

[33:36] Wow.

[33:37] Never mind.

[33:38] Is this a dialogue that we've opened?

[33:40] This is from Martin Biro.

[33:41] You may have remembered him.

[33:43] Oh, of the Pens and Trains fortune.

[33:46] and he left the note

[33:50] for the secretary

[33:51] to listen to the flop house

[33:53] and then she wrote in and she was unimpressed

[33:55] into like cosplaying shit right

[33:57] well and he responds

[33:59] I don't remember that part

[34:01] into like twilight and cosplay

[34:02] he responds saying rest assured we are not in some flop house

[34:05] inspired inter office war

[34:06] but you can imagine we are if you wish

[34:09] I do wish

[34:10] but he says

[34:13] just for the record

[34:14] or perhaps off the record

[34:15] i would not kick any of you out of bed and i would write slash fiction to that effect upon request

[34:21] please don't please please do not but we appreciate this and this this this i'm up for it this suggests

[34:27] a whole new uh direction for us guys and that's we can become gay icons you know we have we have

[34:37] struck out with our female listener i don't know about you elliot it sounds so hateful when it

[34:41] comes from dan's mouth well he is a homophobe yeah i mean he's the one encouraging gay men

[34:47] he's literally spitting the words out of disgust yeah no it kind of makes me uncomfortable yeah me

[34:52] too uh continue dan they're called guy cons by the way yeah that was that was that was all i

[34:57] wanted to say from that isn't that that like little lizard on tv yeah yeah he's gay okay

[35:02] okay well this is another uh message and this is from uh life was that all that he had to say

[35:09] Well, yeah, that was the gist of it.

[35:12] I mean, I'm sure he has more to say, but that's all he wrote.

[35:15] Well, thank you for saying that.

[35:17] It's very nice.

[35:18] Blythe says,

[35:21] I've recently discovered the treasure that is your podcast,

[35:26] but skimming through the archives of your show,

[35:28] I was unable to find the movie Troll 2.

[35:30] If you've not heard of this movie,

[35:34] I think the Flophouse can make an episode out of an early 90s horror.

[35:38] We've heard of Thor, too.

[35:39] You say that with such vitriol.

[35:43] Far with, if not surprising, the good badness of Bratz.

[35:46] Yes.

[35:46] Well, no, we should address this.

[35:48] This will play into the next letter as well.

[35:52] What?

[35:52] As we've said before, you know, the Flophouse focuses on new movies.

[35:58] However, the contest that we have going on right now.

[36:02] Yes.

[36:02] To reiterate, if you go to iTunes.

[36:08] I think we should name the contest, You Pick the Flop.

[36:10] Yeah, You Pick the Flop.

[36:11] If you go to iTunes...

[36:12] You Flop the Flop.

[36:13] You write a review of the Flophouse.

[36:16] It works for me. I like it.

[36:17] You write a review of the Flophouse.

[36:20] Good or bad, we're not bribing you.

[36:21] Just go to iTunes and write a review,

[36:24] and we will randomly select one

[36:28] who will be able to tell us to watch a particular movie.

[36:33] You get to make the call.

[36:34] You select the movie.

[36:35] Any movie.

[36:36] It's like one of them choose-your-own-adventure books.

[36:40] Choose-your-own-flop-venture.

[36:41] Except you don't get to stick your finger in the page

[36:44] and then go to check out your various choices and see which choice you make.

[36:47] It's like real life.

[36:49] Well, you don't get to see ahead.

[36:50] You don't get to see ahead.

[36:51] You just make your choice, and that's it, man.

[36:52] You don't know if you're going to get devoured by dinosaurs.

[36:55] Yeah.

[36:56] Do you assume those are sour dinosaurs?

[36:59] No, they're the same thing.

[37:00] Now, before I had said that the deadline for this would be August 1st,

[37:05] But that podcast actually got a little delayed because of the 1 July holiday.

[37:10] And so I'm just going to say...

[37:12] Very patriotic.

[37:13] If you review The Flophouse before the next episode comes out, you will still be considered.

[37:22] Yes.

[37:22] Okay.

[37:23] No, I'm not expecting them to psychically know that I've said this.

[37:28] All right.

[37:28] So that's a side note.

[37:31] But, of course, yes, Troll 2, a movie that has gotten a lot of attention.

[37:36] There's a documentary out about it, Best Worst Movie, that's just come out.

[37:40] And it is a very enjoyable bad movie.

[37:42] It is an extremely enjoyable bad movie.

[37:44] And, you know, I find that it was a movie that, like, the cult arose totally organically.

[37:50] Like, I showed it at a bad movie night before I knew that there were any other people out there who were also, like, discovering this movie.

[37:59] Check out this guy over here.

[38:01] Yeah, because he started the whole thing.

[38:02] Yeah, what the hell?

[38:03] Did he not say that?

[38:04] I watched Troll 2 before it was cool to watch Troll 2.

[38:07] Did he not say that?

[38:07] Just pointing out.

[38:08] Oh, Troll 2?

[38:09] Yeah, I watched that a while back.

[38:10] I'm done with that.

[38:11] I'm a troll-y.

[38:12] I don't think it's a manufactured cult, but yeah.

[38:17] No, in a way that there's something very pure about that,

[38:21] because it's not like Snakes on a Plane or something where it's, you know.

[38:24] Where it seems like somebody in an energy drink company

[38:28] he came up with the idea that Snakes on a Plane would be super hilarious.

[38:31] Or like Icing Bros, you know, which sounds like it came from a marketing meeting.

[38:36] It's just a movie that played on, you know, HBO a lot when people were kids.

[38:41] A lot.

[38:41] And they grew up and they're like, wait a minute, what the fuck was going on with that movie?

[38:47] Yeah.

[38:47] It's completely overshadowed Troll at this point.

[38:51] Yeah.

[38:51] Starring Bono.

[38:55] Sonny Bono.

[38:58] And both of them have overshadowed Don Booth's A Troll in Central Park.

[39:01] Also, A Gnome Named Norm has been overshadowed.

[39:05] Yeah.

[39:05] Just by life.

[39:07] And The Park is Mine, another Central Park movie.

[39:09] And Munchies.

[39:11] And Critters.

[39:13] This kind of segues into the next email, which is from Peter, last name withheld.

[39:23] And it says, hey, you guys, I've been watching a lot of bad, bad movies lately.

[39:27] In fact, I can't remember the last movie that got any other review.

[39:30] I can't either.

[39:31] Except for maybe one Dan kind of liked a while back.

[39:34] Where are the good bad movies?

[39:36] Where are the ones I might actually want to rent and get a good laugh out of?

[39:38] Fuck, I wish we found one.

[39:40] Me too.

[39:41] I wish to God we would find one.

[39:44] I've listened to all the podcasts, many of them twice, and a couple of them four or five times.

[39:48] Holy shit.

[39:49] Probably I Know Who Killed Me.

[39:52] That one's hilarious.

[39:52] That's a good one, yeah.

[39:53] And while it's fun to hear you guys rip these movies new assholes,

[39:56] It would be a richer experience if I wanted to rent the movie you watch

[40:01] so my friends and I can play the home version of the game.

[40:04] Ah, yeah.

[40:05] We should try to find one that seems like...

[40:09] I mean, every time we pick a movie, we hope it's going to be a good, bad movie.

[40:12] Well, this is what I'm saying.

[40:13] We are hamstrung by what we've set out, which is to keep it relatively current.

[40:18] If we were pulling from the vast ocean of bad movies out there,

[40:23] there would be good, bad movies.

[40:25] Oh, tons of them.

[40:26] And that's the reason I actually host bad movie nights that aren't related to the Flophouse.

[40:33] Dan basically doesn't watch any movies that aren't bad.

[40:37] Yeah.

[40:37] And I went back and I looked at all my invitations for those bad movie nights,

[40:43] and I pulled a list of some of the more popular ones among the crowd.

[40:47] Good idea.

[40:48] So here's a list of movies that I would recommend as good bad movies.

[40:54] Paparazzi.

[40:55] That movie's awesome.

[40:56] Sheena.

[40:58] That's a fun, stupid movie.

[40:59] Dream Catcher.

[41:01] I'm going to fuck that movie.

[41:03] Don't Tell Her It's Me, a.k.a. The Boyfriend.

[41:06] Yeah, that movie's awesome.

[41:07] Hilarious.

[41:07] Terrible.

[41:08] Cobra.

[41:09] Sure.

[41:10] Great.

[41:10] That's a good movie, though.

[41:12] Cubs.

[41:12] The Garbage Pail Kids movie.

[41:15] Oh, no.

[41:15] That's an unpleasant film.

[41:18] That is not a pleasant movie to sit through.

[41:22] Two well-known bad movies, The Wicker Man Remake and Xanadu, both went over very well.

[41:27] Yeah, Wicker Man Remake is really funny.

[41:28] Yeah, so many punching of women.

[41:30] Hard Ticket to Hawaii.

[41:32] Yeah, that movie's awesome.

[41:34] Any other Andy Sedaris film.

[41:35] Savage Beach.

[41:36] Yeah, have a lot of bazookas and breasts.

[41:39] Not Amy Sedaris.

[41:39] No, not Amy Sedaris.

[41:41] Same thing, right?

[41:42] No.

[41:43] Superman IV.

[41:45] Not What's-His-Name's-Seducas.

[41:46] The Quest for Peace.

[41:47] Superman IV is pretty funny.

[41:48] And Sleepwalkers.

[41:51] Those were all popular choices.

[41:53] Do you guys have anything off the top of your head?

[41:54] Didn't you watch The Marine for one of your movie nights?

[41:58] Oh, The Marine.

[41:58] That was a good one, too.

[41:59] Oh, God.

[42:00] That one's awesome.

[42:01] I mean, we watched it, but The Happening I will always recommend as one of the funniest bad movies.

[42:07] Everything about it is bad, but it breezes by, and it's so stupid that it's just a lot of fun to watch.

[42:16] I'll agree with that.

[42:19] And, of course, we all love Tango and Cash.

[42:22] Oh, and Tango and Cash is brilliant.

[42:25] Tango and Cash is a movie that's so bad it becomes a great movie.

[42:30] I would agree with that.

[42:32] It is.

[42:32] It's really good.

[42:33] Tango and Cash is like the last great movie before irony stepped in,

[42:38] and people realized the movies they were making were bad.

[42:41] And that they could, like, mitigate that by knowing it was bad.

[42:46] That was back when anyone who – everyone thought it was either going to be the most kick-ass movie ever or they knew it was bad and they were just trying to get through it as quickly as possible while making it.

[42:55] Oh, God, it's so good.

[42:56] It's such a bad movie and that's even – it's so funny even before, for no reason at all, the retarded genius inventor comes in and makes them a battle tank.

[43:05] Oh, yeah.

[43:06] By Michael J. Powell.

[43:08] Oh, what a movie.

[43:10] Yeah.

[43:10] Featuring Terry Hatcher as the stripper who doesn't take her clothes off.

[43:15] Yeah, a common figure in movies of the late 80s and early 90s.

[43:18] That's true, yeah.

[43:19] And in my masturbatory fantasies.

[43:22] Wow.

[43:22] You are a gentleman even in those.

[43:25] I like to treat my ladies well.

[43:27] In your mind.

[43:29] I like to give them a treasure bath.

[43:30] It doesn't sound that comfortable.

[43:35] It's like gold coins and diamonds and shit.

[43:37] Yeah, yeah.

[43:37] It's like Uncle Scrooge.

[43:39] Uncle Scrooge.

[43:40] Well, I wouldn't do it to Uncle Scrooge because he's a fucking duck man.

[43:43] like a hot chick

[43:45] wearing

[43:47] like a shoulder pad sport coat.

[43:49] She gets treasure.

[43:51] Yeah, no, it feels good.

[43:53] Sounds like you get rust all over you.

[43:55] Come on. It's treasure.

[43:57] When's the last time you saw rust

[43:59] on treasure?

[44:01] You see corroded tarnish.

[44:03] There might be a little bit of

[44:05] verdigris. What about

[44:07] ambergris? Probably not.

[44:09] That would be in a separate type of bath.

[44:11] Alright. The one that keeps me

[44:13] young. The last

[44:15] email here is

[44:16] titled, Get Smurfed.

[44:19] Oh, boy. I think I know what this is going to be about.

[44:21] And it comes from my favorite

[44:23] flop fan, Ashley, last

[44:25] name without a L. Speaking of movies that

[44:27] are good, bad movies, there are all these movies we wanted

[44:29] to watch that we haven't watched.

[44:31] Like what? Like Old Dogs. Oh, yeah.

[44:33] Where's that one?

[44:34] There are all these movies that come

[44:37] out and I say, I want

[44:39] to Flophouse that. Or like, friends of mine

[44:41] will say, oh, I saw this trailer in the first...

[44:43] Like this new M. Night Shyamalan movie, Devil.

[44:45] Right.

[44:46] Someone said to me, the first thing I thought when I saw that was,

[44:48] I can't wait to hear the Flophouse do something about it.

[44:50] We've got to do something about those movies.

[44:52] Well, that movie has not been released yet.

[44:54] No, but I mean, we see trailers all the time.

[44:56] Why don't we call up M. Night, see if he'll send us an advanced screener.

[45:00] All right, well, you guys start writing him down.

[45:01] I mean, come on.

[45:02] Yeah, I'll email him.

[45:03] Pull your weight.

[45:04] I come here once every two weeks and talk for an hour.

[45:07] Why, that's not pulling my weight?

[45:09] So, Ashley writes, I had the misfortune of seeing the trailer for the Smurfs movie in front of Toy Story 3.

[45:16] My first thought was, did Elliot write this?

[45:18] It's so hacktastic it defies parody.

[45:21] Oh, and I'm a hack, huh?

[45:22] If Smurfs can get made, I don't see how Ziggy starring Wallace Shawn can't get made.

[45:27] Oh, I forgot about Ziggy.

[45:28] Yeah, you're right.

[45:29] Smurfs, if Smurfs is a success, I'm going out, I'm going to go to Tom Wilson and give him that Ziggy pitch.

[45:34] Or I'll buy the rights to Ziggy myself.

[45:36] I'll produce this movie.

[45:37] It can't be that expensive.

[45:39] It can be fairly expensive.

[45:40] Well, I mean, like...

[45:41] But you do have, like, mountains of gold.

[45:44] Oh, no, I work in television,

[45:45] so I make an annual salary of about $30 billion a year.

[45:48] Sure.

[45:48] But the thing about the Smurfs movie is

[45:51] it does all the stupid things that Ziggy would do

[45:55] in my Ziggy movie,

[45:57] where it's like, for no reason at all,

[45:59] it's like, now they're in the real world,

[46:00] and they play a wild thing on the soundtrack.

[46:04] Yeah, that's right.

[46:04] They play a wild thing,

[46:05] And Get Smurfed is Get Smurf apostrophe D.

[46:09] Just like this summer, Get Zigged.

[46:10] Yeah.

[46:11] They stole my idea.

[46:13] That's what it was.

[46:14] Yeah.

[46:15] It is very hacktastic.

[46:16] Is it like Beastmaster 2 through the portal of time?

[46:19] Or like the He-Man movie where He-Man and the other Masters of the Universe show up in the real world?

[46:24] Yeah, well, that's because Masters of the Universe was Jack Kirby's fourth world.

[46:28] Yeah, you have to assume that Gargamel does some sort of spell.

[46:32] That sounds like Gargamel.

[46:33] To, you know, like Manhattan.

[46:35] I haven't seen the trailer, so.

[46:39] It's just so dumb.

[46:39] It's like, why, how many of these things, like, they're going to discover pizza,

[46:43] and they're just going to discover rock music,

[46:45] and they're going to have to drive a car.

[46:47] They're going to discover rock music.

[46:49] Wait, how large are they?

[46:50] Are they, like, human-sized?

[46:51] No, they're tiny.

[46:52] But a pizza would be way too much food for a Smurf.

[46:55] Yeah, that's where the joke comes.

[46:56] They're trying to pick it up, and they're like, oh, this is delicious.

[46:58] At some point, someone's going to open a pizza box

[47:01] and see a Smurf with a huge distended belly

[47:03] who burps inside it.

[47:04] I guarantee you.

[47:05] I guarantee you that's going to happen.

[47:08] And there's going to be a scene

[47:09] where they learn about modern music

[47:11] and they dance to it.

[47:11] Because every cute character in a movie

[47:13] loves rock and roll as soon as they hear it.

[47:16] But it's always the shittiest rock and roll

[47:18] that that time period can produce.

[47:19] There'll be some kind of sunglasses on them.

[47:23] Oh, yeah.

[47:23] Maybe a backwards ball cap.

[47:26] Again, Ziggy would have done all these things.

[47:27] So you're rolling your eyes about that,

[47:29] but I remember a little scene

[47:31] in Gremlins 2

[47:33] where Gizmo dances

[47:35] to a pop song.

[47:37] Yeah, no. Gizmo likes

[47:39] those too. That's the hacky part of Gremlins.

[47:40] But I also

[47:43] remember a part in Gremlins 2

[47:44] where they do a Busby Berkeley

[47:47] inspired musical number.

[47:48] Sure. But there's that other

[47:51] Tony Randall sings

[47:53] New York, New York.

[47:54] Hey, in Gremlins 2

[47:56] that's the one with the

[47:57] babe. The babe.

[47:59] The hot gremlin chick with the boobs.

[48:01] Who at the end lives and Robert Picardo and she fall in love.

[48:04] Yeah.

[48:05] That's pretty awesome.

[48:06] Well, apparently she's redeemable through the power of love.

[48:09] There is a movie, like you were talking about those sexy duck women that you were talking about just then.

[48:13] They want to give a treasure bath to.

[48:14] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[48:15] Like the chick in Howard the Duck in the opening scene where he's being sucked through the walls.

[48:20] And I'm like, holy crap, that's a naked duck.

[48:22] At the end of the movie, he is, like, okay with the idea of having sex with a two-foot-tall monster that has just a head full of hair, red lips, and I guess boobs, no other female characteristics as far as we know.

[48:37] Well, we don't know.

[48:38] It's like the end of Some Like It Hot, Elliot.

[48:39] It's exactly.

[48:40] It's the end of Some Like It Hot.

[48:41] They're both human beings.

[48:42] Well, that's why Some Like It Hot is not a funny movie anymore.

[48:46] But she has, like, large grasping hands.

[48:49] The idea that two men would be in love is no longer a laughable proposition.

[48:52] she does have large grasping hands um i mean i'm not gonna say that like she'd be top of my list

[49:02] like top five or nothing but okay well let's move on and quickly let's uh one wants to is a great

[49:07] movie by the way yeah no i agree quickly let's talk to ellie i've never had sex with a gremlin

[49:11] you are missing out let's talk to ellie a little bit about comic-con you mean comic-con international

[49:17] in san diego well comic book's brightest stars came out to shine at san diego comic-con

[49:25] international we had people in costumes and stuff and all sorts of things i went to do a lot of

[49:31] stuff descriptive uh it was only it brought me back a sheena button speaking of the movie sheena

[49:37] yep there uh i had never been to san diego comic-con before i went as a bachelor party

[49:42] weekend which was a lot of fun and uh with a couple people stewart and i were would have

[49:50] would have been able to go by the way if we were invited yeah well i know that's not true about

[49:57] dan mccoy we didn't we didn't you know we didn't want to put the money in that's all wait i was

[50:03] invited i don't want you to feel bad about it but elliot went uh without us anyway go on anyway

[50:10] the uh i only groomsmen were invited that's why you weren't invited oh okay and but i'm sure that

[50:17] you could have gone to comic-con yeah i mean if i if i hadn't been in a haze of alcohol and

[50:23] regret and sadness i probably would have realized that there's this comic book convention that all

[50:30] these fellows are going to but the thing is i didn't see a lot of the movie stuff at comic-con

[50:35] they had a lot of big announcements about like who's going to be in the avengers and who's and

[50:38] the green lantern stuff and tron and the tron legacy and i didn't see i didn't get see that

[50:44] much of that i was really focused on the a lot of the comic book things but i did go to a panel

[50:48] featuring star 80s and 90s poster painter drew struzan who you may know as the man behind the

[50:55] back to the future and indiana jones and the thing posters among other things and he did there's a

[50:59] they showed 20 minutes of a documentary that these guys are funding the guys who are making

[51:04] the documentary are also funding it themselves as a like as a passion project that's a documentary

[51:10] about Drew Struzan and he tells the story in it about painting the poster for The Thing where

[51:15] they called him up apparently and they said oh you know that 50s movie The Thing well we're gonna

[51:20] remake it and he goes oh that's great and they go okay well we need a poster for it and that's all

[51:24] the information that they gave him so the reason you can't and it's an amazing poster it's really

[51:29] good but the reason there's no details of anything in the posters because he had no idea who was in

[51:34] movie what the movie was going to be about you know any scenes from it uh but that was exciting

[51:38] to see him uh i also went to a panel featuring the room star director act uh producer writer

[51:46] tommy wiseau who is exactly what you would want him to be a crazy nut job who he who talks in a

[51:54] nearly incomprehensible accent and refuses to give any information about himself it was he was he's

[52:01] the star of a short movie called the house that drips blood on alex that was written and produced

[52:06] and directed by a sketch comedy team and he and the sketch and the movie and it was a fine

[52:11] short sketch comedy piece like there were some okay jokes in it some jokes that didn't fall so

[52:16] well nothing special but tommy was oh then managed to completely take control of the panel which was

[52:24] him this other people were in the movie the sketch comedy group and joey greco the former host of

[52:30] cheaters who is also in the sketch comedy group he's the moderator and tommy was oh just took

[52:35] control of the panel and didn't let go rightfully so rightfully so everyone was there to see him it

[52:40] was a really rowdy audience really loud constantly cheering everything he said tommy was oh got so

[52:46] many applause breaks and i don't think he ever any quite and he was like hey these people like

[52:52] me i better do silly things but i don't think he ever realized like these people are laughing at

[52:56] me i am a freak to them which made me feel kind of bad but he took out there was a long question

[53:00] answer period someone would say when you were making the room what were you thinking about and

[53:04] he would say are you asking me is this question for me is this for anyone like he's french all

[53:10] this i couldn't can't do that his accent is i can't do it yeah it's like a weird eastern european

[53:14] thing but he would always make everyone address him first to make sure that he knew it was the

[53:18] questions for him someone came and said uh mr was oh and he goes don't call me mr was oh call me

[53:24] tommy or wizzo it was and uh someone asked him where he was from and his answer was no move on

[53:31] next question every answer he ended with move on next question uh and the audience would applaud

[53:36] effort because he's so rude someone asked him if there would be a sequel to the room and he said

[53:41] well you know in america anything is possible usa and everyone was chanting usa that chant

[53:48] returned over and over again he uh at one point someone asked him what do you eat for breakfast

[53:54] like what's a tommy was oh breakfast and he said i'm sorry uh say again what what like what do you

[53:59] eat for breakfast i don't and the guy actually said to him you get up in the morning you have

[54:04] something to eat what do you eat and he said to a personal question move on next question he would

[54:12] not say what he eats for breakfast other things that i learned he plans uh the room will appear

[54:16] on blu-ray and in 3d blu-ray will appear either before december or after january

[54:22] uh he is still looking for a publisher for his wait he's still not in december or january no

[54:31] i guess he has christmas plans uh he's still looking for a publisher for his novel version

[54:36] of the room which is over 600 pages according to him uh he was he was asked to recite a shakespeare

[54:42] sonics this is something he does at public appearances uh and he asked joey greco do is

[54:47] okay do you give permission and joey greco said why don't we end the panel with the sonnet which

[54:51] makes sense it's a good way to end it and time was always actually i say i do give permission i

[54:56] will do it and he did it then he said someone asked him to sing happy birthday which he doesn't

[55:01] really know the words to so he had everyone who said it was their birthday line up on the front

[55:06] of the room asked their names sang happy birthday and then said you go over in that corner now i

[55:11] give you t-shirts and he was throwing t-shirts at them all while saying i don't want to i don't

[55:16] mean to steal the show i'm not stealing the panel while throwing t-shirts over his shoulder at these

[55:20] people it was great he gave an aspiring artist the information the uh wisdom that uh she said

[55:26] what do you say to other people who want to make movie their own movies and he says well you got

[55:30] to give 20 to get 100 you go 20 then 40 then 60 then 80 then 100 but you can't do just 20

[55:38] 80%.

[55:39] Has to be 100%.

[55:40] That was his advice.

[55:41] I'm trying to think what other amazing, crazy things he said.

[55:45] He was ridiculous.

[55:46] Wore sunglasses the entire time, even though it was 9 o'clock at night indoors.

[55:50] Did he ever do that weird laugh he does throughout the room?

[55:55] Oh, yes, he did.

[55:56] A lot of that and ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[55:59] He was, oh, it was a beautiful night and he was crazy, you know.

[56:04] Everything about him was weird.

[56:07] Those were the big, I think, flop-related highlights of the weekend.

[56:11] Okay.

[56:12] I didn't see any – like I didn't get to see – the only celebrities I really saw were the kind of lower-level ones that were signing at booths.

[56:19] I saw Malcolm McDowell, who looks very old.

[56:21] I saw John Saxon, who looks extremely old, and Brent Spiner, who was doing everything he could to get people to pay attention to him.

[56:28] Michael Dorn was signing at a table, and Brent Spiner walked up and went,

[56:33] Hey, Worf! Hey, Worf! I'm a big fan! Hey, Worf!

[56:37] um wow you know it was it felt very uh comic book conventiony but overall the convention is such a

[56:45] big thing it's it's kind of sad because you have the whole convention hall one half of it is movies

[56:50] and toys and video games and the other half is comic books and you walk in on the movies and

[56:55] toys and video game side and it's so crowded it's super crowded and the closer you get to the comic

[56:59] book section the more the crowds thin out until by the time you get to the comic book section you

[57:03] You can walk around freely, take your time.

[57:05] There's just not as many people there.

[57:07] Everyone wants to see all the latest news about the Clash of the Titans DVD release.

[57:14] Or what J.J. Abrams has up his sleeve.

[57:18] Exactly.

[57:19] I did sit through one panel I didn't originally plan to.

[57:23] In order to see the Venture Brothers panel without waiting in line,

[57:26] I went ahead of time to the panel before it, which was for the TV show Leverage.

[57:29] And I never realized there were so many diehard Leverage fans.

[57:33] Apparently, they love Timothy Hutton and all the stars of Leverage.

[57:37] And I watched 15 minutes of a new episode of Leverage that they screened.

[57:41] And I've got to say, that show is ridiculous.

[57:44] Ridiculously good?

[57:46] Well, it was fun in the this-is-stupid way.

[57:49] No, it's a dumb show.

[57:50] I actually watch it.

[57:51] It comes on during the summers.

[57:52] Religiously?

[57:52] It's fun.

[57:54] It was very fun.

[57:56] Well, it's not part of a religious observance of any kind.

[57:58] I mean, I have it on my DVR.

[58:01] But it is also a very dopey show.

[58:04] But that's the other thing about Comic-Con is you're constantly bumping into groups of people who are rabidly in love with something you have never heard of or know nothing about.

[58:13] And they know every detail about this thing.

[58:15] They run their lives by it.

[58:17] They love it.

[58:17] They can't wait to see more.

[58:18] And you know nothing about it.

[58:20] It's like the show Leverage.

[58:21] All I knew were the print ads, which showed a giant tied up on the ground while Timothy Hutton kind of smirked at the camera.

[58:27] So I assumed it was about guys who fight giants.

[58:30] But these people, they know all the episode titles, they know the characters,

[58:33] they can't wait to see what's going to happen.

[58:35] They really want to know when the Leverage role-playing game was coming out,

[58:38] and Will Wheaton, who was on the panel, said he was very excited about that too.

[58:41] Oh, man, that's awesome.

[58:43] Well, I wish I had gone to that.

[58:46] I had so much fun at this panel for a show I don't watch.

[58:49] Well, we need to wrap it up because the computer can only handle so much before it crashes.

[58:57] Maybe we'll tease out some more Comic-Con stories in the future.

[59:00] Sure.

[59:01] But for now...

[59:02] I didn't even talk about all the slutty costumes.

[59:04] Oh, man.

[59:05] We'll talk about that.

[59:06] We will talk about that later.

[59:07] But for now, I'm Dan McCoy.

[59:09] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[59:11] I think I'm Elliot Kalin.

[59:13] Good night.

[59:14] Is that the start of his memoir?

[59:18] Memoir?

[59:19] Memoir.

[59:20] Memoir?

[59:21] It's called Memoirs of a Gay Shit.

[59:24] Memoirs of an Invisible War.

[59:26] Of a geisha?

[59:27] Yeah.

[59:28] That's a gay geisha.

[59:29] Yes.

[59:31] Right?

[59:31] I get it.

[59:32] That's exactly what that is.

[59:33] Get it?

[59:34] Oh, man.

[59:36] I just said I got it.

[59:38] I need to power up.

[59:39] Do you have any beer?

The Flop House: Episode #64 - Repo Men

Transcript

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