The Flop House: Episode #74 - Valentine's Day

[0:00] Turn the lights down low, grab a bottle of wine and cuddle up to your marital sex-aid

[0:06] doll of Stuart Wellington, cause tonight the Flophouse is taking on Valentine's Day.

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm

[0:44] Elliot Kalin. Yay! We're back! We're back here. Yep, we're back again. The original

[0:51] threesome, except not the original threesome. The toothsome threesome. Yep, the original

[0:57] So... Three guys named Mo. Tony Tony Tony. So we watched the movie Salt and Pepper. Naked

[1:03] Gun 33 and a third. The three... Caballeros. Yeah, there you go. Um... What's going on?

[1:11] Tracey Brace. I don't know. Tracey Morgan. Oh man, no. I'm not gonna help you guys out

[1:19] with your riffing. Threepio. Three feet. Triple threat. We're here recording in my apartment

[1:31] on a Friday. Thanks for setting the byline. Sure. My wife's out of town. So anything can

[1:37] happen. You know, that means anything goes. This is a bachelor weekend for me. So, uh,

[1:42] what are you guys gonna do for my bachelor party? Uh, no, you don't get a bachelor party.

[1:46] I'm pretty sure I do. Let's try how that works. Did your wife give you a hall pass?

[1:52] I was gonna accidentally give a horse some cocaine. There's no strings attached, I know

[1:55] that. Yeah. I don't know about a hall pass, but, uh... What about the roommate? Yes. Yes.

[2:02] She agreed that if I could convince either Leighton Meester or Minka Kelly to become

[2:07] my roommate, that I could sleep with them. Okay. So... How's that going so far? I don't...

[2:12] Not well, but Leighton or Minka, if you're out there. Dan, I'm sorry. The offer's open.

[2:18] My diagnosis is that you have a Leighton Meister. This should have come into play when you were

[2:24] young. For whatever reason, it just didn't develop until this event. Diagnosis, Meester.

[2:29] Anyway, you were saying, Stuart, about Dan's bachelor weekend? Uh, yeah. You know, I was

[2:34] gonna trick a bunch of women into going to an all-male review and accidentally have a

[2:41] dude put his wiener in a hot dog bun. There would be a donkey show, for some reason, and

[2:48] no one would think that was all that weird. Yeah. No, that's normal. And there'd be a

[2:52] punch-out in front of a 3D movie. Yeah, is that okay if we do that in your apartment?

[2:55] Sure. And then years later, you would win two back-to-back Best Actor Academy Awards.

[2:59] Amazing. Sounds great. Let's do it, guys. Okay. All right. Well... That's been the flop

[3:05] I'll get on the horn. This is perhaps the silliest opening that we've had yet. Well,

[3:12] we've got to exercise our hatred for what we just watched. Exorcise. Exorcise. We're exercise.

[3:18] Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you could exercise it. Take it to the gym. Get a perfect push-up or perfect

[3:24] set-up. Patent pending. Valentine's Day. That's what we watched. We watched a movie called

[3:31] Valentine's Day. Now, normally, knowing the Flophouse, you'd think this was a horror movie

[3:36] based around Valentine's Day. Yeah, that's what I was kind of led to believe, to be honest.

[3:41] Like My Bloody Valentine. Yes. But no. Oh, yeah. Or April Fool's Day.

[3:52] Yeah, no, but that's not Valentine's Day. That would be scary, really, if I had the

[3:55] ability to separate the tracks. Okay, wait. Should we say it again? No, it doesn't help.

[4:01] Or Arbor Day, the movie. Yeah. Or that horror movie, Secretary's Day. That horror movie,

[4:08] Secretariat. Anyway, so this was a star-studded film. Oh, everyone in it was a star. There were

[4:17] no extras or bit players. Everyone was a star, from Kathy Bates to Kristen Schaal to a mention

[4:26] of Frank Zappa. Everyone from A to Z, Jessica Alba to a brief reference to Frank Zappa.

[4:33] Hector Alessandro to George Lopez. Yep. Ran the gamut from Ashton Kutcher

[4:43] to Jessica Beals. Wait, I can play Jamie Foxx's? Jamie Foxx's to Queen Latefka.

[4:52] To Anne Hathway. Anne Hathway to Shirley McCranes.

[4:59] From Christopher Grake to Brad, what's his name? Garrett? Brad Garrett. No, it wasn't.

[5:08] Skerritt? Bradley. Tom Skerritt? No, it wasn't in that. Ironically, we pronounced Topher Grace's

[5:14] name correctly. But no, this was a movie. This movie had a lot of Flophouse alums.

[5:20] Yeah, that's right. Ashton Kutcher. Ashton Kutcher. The two Jessicas, Beal and Alba,

[5:26] weren't it? Yeah. Albeal. Together, they become Albeal. Your buddy, Anne Hathaway.

[5:32] Yep. Your pal. As mentioned, my best friend from high school, Anne Hathaway. Native honor.

[5:36] My actual friend, Kristen Schaal, was in it in one scene. Yeah. Oh, who else was in it? Taylor

[5:41] Squift? One of the few non-painful things. Taylor Squift and Taylor Werewolf from the Twilight

[5:46] movies. Taylor Lautner. Yeah, another alum. And also, we managed to get both Jamie Foxx and Jessica

[5:54] Beal to reprise their characters from Stealth. You think that they were the same character? Yeah,

[5:58] of course. Yeah, Stealth was a prequel or sequel to Valentine's Day? It was happening at the same

[6:03] time. They didn't mention their past as members of the military, soldiers. So I think that they

[6:12] probably listed. Yeah. Well, also, there was no indication that there was sentient aircraft

[6:20] technology in this film. So that probably was. People take it for granted. Also, Jennifer Garber

[6:25] and Patrick Dumpsey was in this. There are a lot of stars in this movie. It's McDreamy and McSteamy

[6:34] were both in it. Both of the mix. Seems like they would have found room for me, Stuart. Oh,

[6:40] and Julia Slobberts. Now it's just Mad Magazine. And the guy who looked like Tim Conway,

[6:47] but wasn't. Just because I can't pronounce. I turn Alessandro. It's not Alessandro. There's

[6:54] no R in his name. Alessandro. And George Lopez was also in it. Jorge Lopez. And some kids.

[7:06] Guy who looked like Tim Conway, but wasn't. It's actually how they list him in the credits.

[7:12] That's the name he's listed as, not as a character. It's his actor's name. And then, of course,

[7:16] there was a Romeo whatever. Well, there was a radio personality named Romeo Midnight,

[7:23] who runs the drive time through late night shift. He is on air all day. Yeah, he's like Jamie Foxx,

[7:30] who's apparently broadcasting all Valentine's Day related news all day. Yeah. And there's a

[7:36] guy who looked like Matt Brewer, kind of, but it wasn't wasn't him. Do you think that it might

[7:40] have been? Do you think Romeo Midnight was a celebrity voice actor? Do you think? I don't

[7:45] know, because the thing is, there's this movie is so L.A. There's so much L.A. in it. You're

[7:49] constantly seeing L.A. sites like all its ugly buildings and it's terrible places that tourists

[7:55] go to. You see cars. I was I was out in L.A. this summer. I had such a great time. There's

[8:01] all these. Sure. There's a star. Hollywood agents aren't listening.

[8:06] If anyone would like me to move out there and write for their television show, I would love it.

[8:10] Well, I would love it. But I have to say that the preferably a Mike and Molly type vehicle

[8:17] I do have a lot of fat jokes that I've been looking for fat jokes. Not cool, dude. Yeah,

[8:22] come on. They can't control normal size. People can't have a romance nowadays. Yeah. Everyone

[8:27] have to be a toothpick with boobs on them. Yeah. But if there's one thing I actually enjoyed about

[8:32] this movie, it was revisiting my trip to L.A. It's like, oh, those are places that I have been.

[8:37] This does feel like a travelogue of L.A. like Gary Marshall was like,

[8:40] well, if I've seen it on a drive sometime, it's got to be in the movie. So there's

[8:45] now I think the Hollywood sign. Oh, sorry. Well, this is Gary Marshall.

[8:50] I'm making my movie Valentine's Day. Elliot's mom is a big fan of my movies.

[8:58] Well, I mean, I'm not a fan of her son's podcast. No, doesn't listen to it. Doesn't know it exists.

[9:04] OK, I'll try it. I'll try to do another Gary Marshall. Hold on.

[9:09] This is Gary Marshall. How about that one? It's more of like an Igor. OK, what about this?

[9:16] Yeah. Gary Marshall saying, yeah, Edward G. Robinson. Yeah. I co-created Happy Days.

[9:22] Yeah. I don't think so. No, I like that one. I thought that was pretty,

[9:25] pretty accurate. OK, I don't have anything to base it on, but. All right. I mean, he is more

[9:30] of like this. What about this? Gary Marshall here. Oh, born in London. That's more of a

[9:37] James Mason sort of. I was going for Ronald Coleman. OK. OK. You know what time it is,

[9:42] guys? Mason would be more like this, I suspect. I would think that this is more of a James Mason.

[9:49] He always sounds tired. Joseph A. Baggins. James, must we, Mr. Kaplan?

[9:56] OK, so, you know, we've been doing some great.

[10:00] impression

[10:01] some good news for hilarious this is our this is our real

[10:05] we're trying to do it i'm gary marshall

[10:09] about that

[10:10] sure radical pizza

[10:12] gary marshall

[10:14] you got it

[10:14] that's uh... who got a crystal

[10:16] i love michelangelo

[10:18] the painter and sculptor yeah loved gary marshall movies

[10:23] he was known for his gary marshall impression so

[10:26] you know i think our audience would be evening i'm gary marshall right right

[10:31] now our audience like

[10:32] what's this movie about it

[10:34] summarize it

[10:36] well valentine's day is in the new tradition that you have to tell it in

[10:40] chronological and i cannot tell it

[10:42] and i'm telling chronological order

[10:44] valentine's day is in the new tradition of omnibus movies of interweaving

[10:47] storylines so you've got a bunch of crashes your shortcuts crashers

[10:52] shortcuts baybel

[10:54] uh... nashville's nashville except

[10:57] where the older one where like a robert allman magnolia magnolia's

[11:01] whenever where robert allman would do it very well gary marshall fails to pull it

[11:04] off properly love actually see a love actually your loves actually

[11:08] uh...

[11:09] yeah it's like attorneys general

[11:11] the uh...

[11:13] there's a lot of different leading stories they all take place on

[11:15] valentine's day two thousand ten

[11:17] uh... and i've seen the sexiest day of the year

[11:21] the day when everyone feels the pressure to do something and to have a

[11:24] valentine but what are the single people do

[11:27] well we'll see right we saw in the movies on the movie actor so you have

[11:31] about four hundred thousand different characters they all know each other in

[11:34] different ways

[11:35] they all are still getting introduced in the movie about forty

[11:39] there's at every time you think you figured out who the characters are

[11:42] there's a scene with another new character in it

[11:45] and uh...

[11:46] the thing about this movie is like usually a crashes for your babels

[11:49] they're all about how

[11:51] people

[11:52] who don't know each other's battle

[11:54] that your babsles yeah you're going to be pronounce it right babble i think

[11:57] uh... every anytime alessandro's

[12:00] these movies are always about

[12:02] how people who don't know each other crash was the one about having sex with

[12:06] car crash victims that's the first crash i'm talking about the second crash the one

[12:09] everyone hated that one best picture they made a sequel to that crash movie? it was called crash 2

[12:13] crashing it

[12:14] okay and it was about

[12:16] james spader decides he wants to have sex with a plane

[12:20] he threw his cars, cars he's lost the thrill he built an iron man suit

[12:24] it's pretty good, it sounds really good and it won best picture right? yeah unfortunately

[12:28] crash three underwater crash where he falls over the submarine

[12:32] has yet to be made the screenplay is great they've not produced it yet

[12:35] a lot of trouble getting james spader on board

[12:38] because he's so busy doing whatever he does mgm's having trouble he's too busy slowly bloating

[12:43] but anyway

[12:44] the thing about those movies is usually it's about people who don't know each

[12:47] other and the way that like

[12:49] strange ways that lives intersect people from different strata of society coming

[12:53] into contact with each other

[12:55] the strange similarities or differences that people have

[12:59] this is about people who all know each other

[13:01] they're all related in different ways or friends

[13:03] and

[13:05] it's still incredibly coincidental and unbelievable that they all happen to

[13:08] meet up with each other on valentine's day in different ways that's the thing

[13:11] you know like even in a big town like LA

[13:14] it's such a small world you keep running into all the same folks they all know each other

[13:19] it opens with the information age i think

[13:21] like a social network

[13:22] yeah you just gotta take a little side trip from LA

[13:25] to Burbank

[13:26] going to Disneyland and what you learn is

[13:28] it's a small world after all

[13:30] even though it is a

[13:33] LA is a small town where everyone knows each other even though

[13:36] a cab ride between neighborhoods will cost you about seventy five dollars on

[13:39] average

[13:41] so anyway

[13:42] what is it like Tokyo or something?

[13:46] yes the film opens with uh...

[13:49] and a little introductory voice over by romeo midnight radio star

[13:53] to explain to us that is valentine's day because the title was not enough context

[13:58] uh... ashton kutcher then wakes up

[14:00] in the ad campaign i mean people know what they're getting into

[14:03] no people don't you would buy a ticket with a big question mark on it

[14:07] the ticket's shaped like a heart though right?

[14:09] no it is shaped like an anatomical heart

[14:11] a lot of people thought it was one of the song movies

[14:16] people actually ordering tickets for that movie would go to the ticket taker

[14:18] and be like

[14:19] i would like

[14:20] uh... one for that movie with all of those stars that are uh... marginally

[14:25] successful but you put them all together and it creates such a such a

[14:29] driving gravitational force

[14:31] marginally successful stars like julia roberts she is the academy award winner

[14:35] jamie fox or jamie fox and recording star

[14:39] a lot of double threat triple threats in here

[14:41] jamie fox

[14:43] taylor swift's jessica biel who's hilarious and beautiful

[14:48] it's a double threat right there she's a modern-day carol lombard

[14:51] uh...

[14:52] that's for the elderly listeners

[14:54] like elliot

[14:57] so ashton kutcher wakes up his girlfriend jessica alba

[15:00] by proposing to her she says yes who wouldn't he's a dreamboat he also is a

[15:04] successful florist

[15:06] running a sienna flower shop

[15:08] that's the name of it

[15:09] then there i don't don't try to get me to explain the order because they you're

[15:13] intersecting stories very complicated but you've got

[15:15] jamie fox as a sports reporter for the local news

[15:19] who also somehow has been hit with the assignment to cover valentine's day for

[15:23] the day

[15:24] his boss is his boss is kathy bates she has two scenes uh... he also works with

[15:28] jessica biel and queen latifah right? no jessica biel is the

[15:32] personal assistant

[15:33] of a football player played by mcsteamy i don't know his real name

[15:37] no one does

[15:38] mcsteamy?

[15:39] yes uh... yeah gareth mcsteamy

[15:44] famous scottish thespian you have clan kellogg

[15:47] and uh...

[15:49] he uh...

[15:51] and queen latifah is mcsteamy's agent

[15:54] mcsteamy is a professional football player who wants

[15:56] whose team wants to get rid of him for some reason i don't remember what it is

[15:59] and who

[16:00] puts off the advances of his sexy neighbors three sexy ladies who i'm sure

[16:05] would have sex with him

[16:06] should i reveal what it is

[16:08] yeah why not? later he announces he's gay

[16:10] oh that's why

[16:12] he's a gay professional football player

[16:14] which i'm sure will have no impact on his career later on

[16:17] very brave

[16:17] anyway

[16:18] who else is in it anne hathaway is a part-time she's queen latifah's new

[16:23] assistant or she's a temp maybe who's filling in for queen latifah's assistant i don't know

[16:28] but she's also moonlights as a phone sex operator who gets calls on her

[16:32] personal cell phone and the office phone at all hours at all hours of the

[16:37] day with every caller with personalized phone ringtones every caller has a personalized

[16:42] ringtone and gets a different accent from anne hathaway

[16:45] allowing your pal to just show off her full range well yeah it's like a peter

[16:49] sellers type role it's like if june foray ran a sex line

[16:53] that's for all you baby boomers out there that june foray reference

[16:56] well i figured if you could do it elliot if june foray ran a phone sex line the only voices would be

[17:01] old grandma or flying squirrel

[17:05] or talking tina the doll from that twilight zone episode

[17:09] uh... she anne hathaway has been going out for a couple weeks with topher grace

[17:12] who works in the mailroom of a building

[17:14] the same building that everybody else works in this is like saved by the bell

[17:18] where everyone lived in the school and didn't have homes everyone kind of lives

[17:21] in their offices

[17:22] topher grace does put a whole new spin on saved by the bell by the way

[17:26] it's like the movie emperor of the north pole

[17:30] if they get found then mr building hits them with the giant wrench he carries

[17:33] i gotta go back and re-watch that series because i missed so much the first time

[17:36] there's a lot of subtext there

[17:37] anyway is that what happened to miss bliss? listen i have eighty more characters to introduce

[17:42] good morning miss bliss

[17:44] hits her with a giant wrench

[17:46] uh... so topher grace does put a whole new spin on saved by the bell

[17:49] where everyone lived in the school and didn't have homes everyone kind of lives in their offices

[17:55] so topher grace has to find something to do for valentine's day with anne hathaway

[17:58] he doesn't know she's a phone sex operator

[18:00] meanwhile

[18:01] uh... ashton kutcher's best friend is jennifer garner

[18:05] who is going out with patrick dempsey mcdreamy from grey's anatomy

[18:09] but she doesn't know patrick dempsey is married

[18:11] ashton kutcher to a non-celebrity

[18:13] to a non-celebrity blonde lady

[18:15] uh... ashton kutcher finds this out because

[18:18] patrick dempsey comes to ashton kutcher's florist shop

[18:21] because ashton kutcher was interviewed on the news by jamie fox

[18:24] and he has to figure out whether he's going to tell his friend that she's dating a married guy

[18:29] it's basically the plot to the whole film the dilemma

[18:33] uh... shunted off to a

[18:35] to one-eighth

[18:36] one-fifteenth

[18:37] yeah valentine's day

[18:38] meanwhile

[18:39] it was clearly a really rich vein of comedy that could have been mined

[18:43] there's a little kid

[18:45] a young boy who buys flowers for his teacher

[18:47] jennifer garner because he has a crush on her

[18:49] where does he buy the flowers

[18:50] ashton kutcher's flower shop

[18:52] meanwhile

[18:53] that kid's grandparents were taking care of him because his mother is off somewhere

[18:57] shirley mcclain and hector alessandro

[19:00] don't do anything for a while until they find out that

[19:03] years ago shirley mcclain had an affair

[19:05] hector alessandro takes this badly

[19:07] meanwhile

[19:08] the girl's babysitter

[19:10] is she a high school senior

[19:12] i don't know

[19:13] she's either a high school senior or a college freshman

[19:15] she's emma roberts

[19:16] she's old enough to party

[19:17] emma roberts is niece

[19:20] and you may remember her as nancy drew

[19:23] i'm going to say clone

[19:24] i'm going to say her clone that was accidentally let out

[19:27] wow

[19:28] i think she's slightly prettier than julia roberts was as a young lady

[19:32] wow well there goes us weekly's coverage of this podcast

[19:34] okay

[19:35] there's no way for me to compare

[19:37] i mean i'm not

[19:38] julia roberts is

[19:39] i don't find julia roberts

[19:40] she's an unusual looking woman

[19:42] she has a smile that takes up roughly five-sixths of her head

[19:47] which is odd because i do find anne hathaway attractive

[19:50] well her smile only takes up three-fifths of her head

[19:53] okay

[19:54] anyway

[19:55] still got a lot of plots to get through

[19:57] her boobs are bigger

[20:00] I have ways but they have faces

[20:03] so this kid's babysitter Emma Roberts has decided that this is the day she's

[20:08] gonna have sex with her boyfriend for the first time

[20:10] hijinks ensue the kids cut when he shows up in her bedroom

[20:15] naked playing guitar and her mother walks in on him

[20:18] all that is the end of that plotline until the end the movie when she

[20:21] reveals she's not ready to have sex yet

[20:23] but her best friend Taylor Swift who's with Taylor Lautner

[20:28] in the movie as she was in life

[20:30] they don't really have a plot they just kind of make out and are in love

[20:34] I think that they are

[20:35] yeah there's no actual story there there's no conflict like they start the movie and they end the movie in love

[20:40] meanwhile what what other characters are there later on

[20:43] okay Topher Grace ends up we briefly see George Lopez's wife

[20:47] oh George Lopez he has no lines ninos

[20:51] George Lopez works for Ashton Kutcher he's just there to you know

[20:54] he would be the gay best friend in another film he's the comic relief

[20:57] if there could have been a way for his voice to come out of a chihuahua's body

[21:01] they would have done it

[21:02] meanwhile there's an airplane where Julia Roberts and

[21:07] Bradley Cooper are sitting next to each other she's a soldier

[21:12] on leave from Iraq hard to believe but yes

[21:14] he is somebody somebody wearing a vest somebody dressed very well

[21:19] this should be a clue for everyone at home and you think are they gonna hit it

[21:24] off are they not

[21:25] he lets her use his chauffeur because she has flown 14 hours from

[21:29] Iraqistan war zone to LA to do something on valentine's day

[21:34] we don't know what it is some lucky guy

[21:36] it turns out at the end the kid who had the crush on his teacher and then finds

[21:40] romance with an Indian girl

[21:42] that it's her mom it's his mom that's like a slumdog millionaire

[21:46] the very end of the movie is

[21:50] Ashton Kutcher finally getting together with Jennifer Garner who

[21:54] for some reason flies to San Francisco and then back to LA

[21:58] doesn't make any sense there's a lot of it's basically just excuse to have a

[22:01] joke about airport security

[22:02] and Bradley Cooper turns out

[22:06] is McSteamy's boyfriend

[22:09] also a McSteamy couple

[22:13] also Jessica Biel is throwing an anti Valentine's Day party for people who

[22:16] hate Valentine's Day like her because she's single

[22:19] she's single and she loves candy

[22:22] and that's why she can't get a man when she is

[22:25] gorgeous but anyway she's in pretty good shape

[22:28] not a chocoholics body

[22:32] yeah and at the end everyone comes to her party even people who we saw as like

[22:36] side characters in other movies

[22:38] everyone comes to Rick's which is an Indian restaurant with an anti Valentine's

[22:41] Day party in it

[22:42] and Jamie Foxx shows up Jamie Foxx and her had a moment together when they fell

[22:47] over and a box of chocolate spilled all over them

[22:49] exploded basically. It's funny because she's holding a box of chocolate that's probably like

[22:54] three rows of chocolates by five rows of chocolates and when it spills

[22:58] like three thousand chocolates come out of it. It's like the end of Goonies when

[23:02] the dad tears up the the contract and throws it up in the air and you can clearly see

[23:07] like

[23:07] people throwing extra paper on from the two sides. My favorite one of those is the end of the

[23:12] movie

[23:13] Rookie of the Year where he pitches the ball to the

[23:17] pitcher and to the batter. The batter hits it really high

[23:20] and they go to a shot of the ball flying through the air and you can see at the

[23:24] bottom of the screen the hand

[23:25] throwing the ball in the air for the shot just

[23:28] very so poorly framed they didn't care it's Rookie of the Year

[23:32] and so Jessica Biel and Jamie Foxx

[23:35] fall in love. The only people who don't fall in love in this movie are

[23:41] Kathy Bates and George Lopez is already in love. He's married with children.

[23:46] Queen Latifah intercepts a phone sex call and falls in love presumably.

[23:50] McDreamy goes to bed alone because he's a cheating bastard.

[23:54] That's right and Jennifer Garner gets her revenge on McDreamy by

[23:58] being a waitress. She pretends to be a waitress when he's out at dinner with

[24:02] his wife

[24:03] and gives a long monologue about a dish that involves cutting off a pig's

[24:08] testicles and chopping them up and shoving them up the pig's ass.

[24:10] And there are a lot of wacky reaction shots from other diners.

[24:16] Everyone in the restaurant would not like to have that dish or some who would.

[24:19] Every time she says something people in the restaurant turn and gasp at her

[24:22] but it's like just stop being shocked after the first time.

[24:26] And how did she pull off this ruse? She apparently projects really well too.

[24:30] Everyone in the restaurant is hearing this. They probably thought it was like one of those restaurants where

[24:33] wacky stuff happens like a Jekyll and Hyde club.

[24:37] The son of the host of the restaurant

[24:42] is a student in her class. So that's how she was able to do that.

[24:46] So he let her fuck over his restaurant a little bit.

[24:49] Basically in order to help her with her revenge plot he convinced everyone in LA

[24:53] because they're all eating at that restaurant

[24:55] that his restaurant specializes in pig testicle dishes.

[24:58] It is exhausting.

[25:02] I think I left out seven or eight plot lines.

[25:07] We're almost to the end of the time allotted.

[25:10] Just explaining the plot of this terrible movie and it's so

[25:13] fake and dull and it's like

[25:16] dull and exhausting. It's exhausting keeping up with it and

[25:20] boring. There's no reward for paying attention to it.

[25:23] There's one funny joke. This movie is basically just a collection of

[25:28] scenes that are basically unrelated.

[25:31] Were there any scenes at all that were memorable?

[25:34] What's the one funny joke that you were thinking of?

[25:38] Jamie Foxx is delivering his news story live

[25:42] on the air about McSteamy being a gay football player. Jamie Foxx is supportive.

[25:46] Jessica Biel is in the studio somehow.

[25:50] I don't know. When he finishes talking

[25:53] she starts clapping and then Kathy Bates looks at her and she stops because

[25:57] there's a live television show still going on.

[25:59] Just the idea of someone thinking it's okay to clap and then it turns out not to be okay.

[26:03] I thought that was a funny joke.

[26:05] Her reaction was okay.

[26:08] Listen, explaining it doesn't sound very funny.

[26:10] I was vaguely amused by when Topher Grace

[26:13] reconciled with Anne Hathaway and then

[26:16] after him reconciling with her.

[26:19] He broke up with her when he found out she was a phone sex operator.

[26:22] Then when he's watching a movie in a graveyard with Hector Elizondo

[26:25] he finds out that he should forgive her.

[26:28] It sounds weird when you say it that way.

[26:31] They're in a cemetery watching a movie.

[26:33] Which is something that happens in LA.

[26:36] Because they desecrate the dead.

[26:39] They have no respect for the people who made the town what it is.

[26:42] After they've reconciled, a three-piece band

[26:45] including a guy with an accordion

[26:48] pop in the door behind Anne Hathaway

[26:51] behind her back.

[26:54] Who's embracing Topher Grace.

[26:57] Guys get out of here.

[27:00] They all look very disappointed and leave again.

[27:03] Something about that made me giggle.

[27:06] That was a funny joke.

[27:09] That was like a joke you would see in a Muppet movie.

[27:12] You didn't like any of the different phone sex voices?

[27:15] No, those were okay.

[27:18] The part where the teen gets caught naked by his girlfriend's mother?

[27:21] That's more up my alley.

[27:25] It's not a private lesson.

[27:28] Of course it is not, sir.

[27:31] It might be because of the amount of soft-core porn I know that all three of us have seen.

[27:34] But there was part of me that was like,

[27:37] in that kind of movie, this is the part where he'd have sex with the mother.

[27:40] It's like Valley Girl.

[27:43] There's a sequence like that in Valley Girl, right?

[27:46] His response to her walking out on him is not to say,

[27:49] get out of the room so I can put my clothes back on.

[27:52] It's to keep approaching the mother who then yells at him to not come near her.

[27:55] Then he runs out of the room covered only by a guitar

[27:58] and then jumps in the conveniently passing car.

[28:01] After a tug of war with a pug.

[28:04] With a pug named Pushkin who wants to take his boxer shorts.

[28:07] He jumps in the conveniently passing car of his girlfriend.

[28:10] So now he is in his girlfriend's car, nude, holding a guitar.

[28:13] What's going to happen next?

[28:16] Nothing. That's the end of the scene. Everything's fine.

[28:20] They're going to take him down to Hollywood where he's going to take pictures with tourists.

[28:23] He's the new naked cowboy.

[28:26] Oh man.

[28:29] And his girlfriend is not shocked by seeing him naked.

[28:32] So I have to assume that they haven't had sex but maybe they've been giving each other handjobs.

[28:35] Yeah, of course. That's what the kids do.

[28:38] Giving each other handjobs.

[28:41] It's very Rushmore of you.

[28:44] I was in her car.

[28:47] It's like dry humping or something.

[28:50] Dry humping you usually have some clothes on.

[28:53] Well, no. Maybe she's clothed and he isn't.

[28:56] She's got like a catcher's thing.

[28:59] You know what it is?

[29:02] They like to reenact the cover of the Double Fantasy album

[29:05] where she's fully clothed and he's just naked hanging on her.

[29:08] He's not clothed but she is wearing a full fur suit

[29:11] to give him more pleasure when he's humping on her.

[29:14] Also, Taylor Swift carries an enormous stuffed bear with her everywhere

[29:17] and there's no scene in the movie that couldn't be made better

[29:20] by that bear getting up and walking around.

[29:23] I'm out of here.

[29:26] This is enough for me.

[29:29] It's a living.

[29:32] Everyone's bad in the movie except Kristen Schaal who's very funny in her one scene.

[29:35] A delight.

[29:38] She's a delight as always and everyone else is not that good

[29:41] and the movie is not very good.

[29:44] I would say I'd give your pal Anne Hathaway a pass.

[29:47] She wasn't that bad.

[29:50] She at least seemed to have some fun with her voices.

[29:53] That's true. Actually, when I say everyone's bad, I'm being very unfair.

[29:56] There are a few okay performances.

[29:59] Her timing is really good with the voices especially.

[30:00] Yeah, I think actually Hannah Hathaway comes out very well in this movie

[30:04] That's I can't say the same thing about this Ashton Kutcher fellow though

[30:08] He comes every scene sounds like he does not know his lines

[30:11] And he's just making them up off the top of his head

[30:13] I don't think like he's like sort of an ill-conceived

[30:16] character in the sense that like I think he's supposed to be like the Valentine's Day fairy like

[30:22] He loves romance, and yeah, he's mr.

[30:26] Then he gets sad midway through

[30:28] The kids in the have to remind him what Valentine's Day did I mention that the fiance leaves him?

[30:33] I never forgot that Jessica Alba leaves him because she's not ready to get married. Yeah, I mean he's pretty intense

[30:38] She says I love you, but I'm not ready for this kind of commitment the answer

[30:42] Then is not for them to say okay. Let's put on the brakes and wait a little bit

[30:45] It is for them to break up. Yeah, it doesn't make sense

[30:48] Oh

[30:55] Larry Miller is in it too in one scene. Yeah, he comes off. Okay. Here's the here's another thing that Larry Miller is

[31:03] Is a recalcitrant

[31:05] He's or what's the word he's a reluctant

[31:08] Irascible irascible guy at an airport ticket counter Ashton Kutcher needs a ticket

[31:13] So that he can get to the gate to stop Jennifer Garner from getting on a plane to San Francisco that she's getting on for

[31:18] Some reason because mcdreamy her boyfriend who's married

[31:22] Works at a hospital in San Francisco even though he lives in LA doesn't make sense the geography doesn't he's going off to Grey's Anatomy

[31:30] But uh so Ashton Kutcher needs a ticket Larry Miller won't sell it to him because that's the desk for oversized luggage

[31:36] Which exists somehow I don't know Larry

[31:40] But he wins Larry Miller over by telling him that Jennifer Garner is like sunshine. Yeah

[31:45] Then Larry Miller imagine the typical Larry Miller character and then imagine that character. It does a 180 turn

[31:53] Raped by a giant hamster like he did in Nutty Professor to the clumps. That's okay

[31:59] the

[32:00] That was a family film in which a man is raped by a giant hamster

[32:04] Hamster it's also movie in which the character is a chemistry teacher who manages to turn an animal gigantic and

[32:12] Does not become famous or make any money off of this discovery

[32:16] Really, you can make a chicken big enough to feed an entire village. Like why would you use the muse?

[32:22] He's over what he's overweight Elliot. No overweight scientists

[32:27] Overweight person ever

[32:30] This is

[32:32] Too doesn't a guy get raped by a gremlin. He actually he gives in he likes it

[32:38] She is she's very

[32:40] It's like the end of

[32:43] I'm like it. It is like I'm nobody's perfect. What were you gonna say?

[32:47] Well, don't you fucking say it's like the end of 40 days and 40 nights

[32:52] Okay, and here's what here's the thing and this is just a personal note from my life sure Ashton Kutcher

[32:58] He's too. Ah, he can't wait to go through security. It's taken too long

[33:01] He took his shoes off already. So he just runs from security to the gate with no shoes on

[33:05] I actually did this once in an airport because I was late for a flight not and

[33:10] So I didn't have time to put my shoes on was running through JFK and I had blisters on my feet for days afterwards

[33:16] So for him to just on me fingers, so for him to just be unscathed running to a gate

[33:22] I found very unrealistic

[33:24] Also the fact that he runs a florist on Valentine's Day and he manages to deliver no flowers now

[33:29] They had just a opened the new hot coals concourse when you did that though Elliot

[33:34] So that's different

[33:35] It was one of the most depressing moments because I'd get to the end of a hallway and be like, okay

[33:40] The gate has to be at the end of this hallway. I'd turn just more hallway

[33:44] That airport is enormous. But anyway, there's actually like a nightmare that you had

[33:48] I don't know it was and then we missed the flight is terrible, man

[33:51] That was the first Thanksgiving that I went to meet my now wife then girlfriends parents

[33:56] I had met them before this first time I was going to visit them for Thanksgiving

[33:59] Valentine's Day air travel. Am I right? Anyway, the Valentine's Day Valentine

[34:03] What I'm saying is it's an unrealistic movie and normally it wouldn't grate on me that the characters who have the very specific job

[34:09] We're not doing that job, but this time

[34:11] Ashton Kutcher keeps talking about how he's a florist. He has all these florist jobs

[34:15] He's got to deliver all these flowers never delivered one of his employees even calls him the best boss in the world

[34:20] Yes, maybe is based on the fact that he's never doing his job all he and George Lee lets everyone goof off

[34:25] It's just him and George Lopez just running Aaron like an Empire Records sort of thing

[34:29] Yes, this enormous record store where no one does any work or sells any records?

[34:34] Yeah, just the amount of the amount of like maintenance and back stock

[34:38] They must go through in the stock room is enormous, but yeah, they just don't do that. Yep

[34:45] It's the Empire Records is the kind of record store where it's enormous

[34:48] There's lots of customers, but everyone in the store can go hang out in the back room for 15 minutes to talk

[34:54] That's why they're going out of business

[34:57] I mean go out they can go put on

[35:00] Put on aprons without any clothes. I can go shave their heads. Yeah, you know

[35:07] Rubbing tiny hang out on the roof and take their bras off. Yeah. Yep. I don't remember the

[35:13] Glue glue quarters to the ground take all the take all the money from the tail and take it to Vegas

[35:19] I don't know

[35:22] Thanks for making me relive it awful movie awesome

[35:27] Yeah, I'd much rather just be watching the Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure

[35:43] The girl who can't keep her top on she keeps losing it

[35:46] Yeah, that's awesome. That's a dumb. That's it. It takes a real genius to say you they've made topless bikini movies

[35:53] They've made movies about mystic Indians have that has there ever been a topless bikini movie with a mystic Indian in it

[35:58] I guess what we're saying is all you couples out there. You want a little romance this Valentine's Day a little movie

[36:07] And there's no off-road adventure in the movie yes, they're just getting off-road tours

[36:13] To be called the Great Bikini tour company what but what they're trying to do tour guides the name is right there

[36:18] They're trying to draw more like the people who are off-road adventure

[36:22] Enthusiasts into potentially watching it and then you know because they might not be interested off-road

[36:27] Because you're saying that that there isn't enough of a Lauren Hayes fan community sure to support that movie

[36:34] Yeah

[36:35] That's what I'm saying. What did I tell you audience a lot of soft core viewing in this okay?

[36:39] Well, let's wrap this segment up

[36:42] with our final judgments

[36:44] Was this a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie you actually kind of like Stewart?

[36:49] You're looking at me weird

[36:53] It's not

[36:55] Notice because they're gonna listen to it on Valentine's Day, right? That's what I mean

[37:00] Probably gonna be released tomorrow

[37:02] On this recording for like 10 days. That's weird

[37:04] Just it would drop on the right day. Yeah, you need maximum exposure

[37:09] That's a good

[37:13] This movie

[37:15] This movie was a bad bad movie there was I mean

[37:20] Yeah, there was so many people in it and so many stupid little story lines

[37:24] Yeah, I hate movies with so many people

[37:27] I mean, I will give a credit that it went pretty quickly and theoretically like give me a movie like Secret Honor now

[37:33] There's a perfect movie just one guy or bug

[37:36] just two people

[37:40] So three or four

[37:43] Minor characters, I mean, I guess if you're one of those guys who's like, oh my girl always wants to watch these stupid movies

[37:49] It's I guess this isn't that bad because it moves along pretty quickly and although it is over two hours long

[37:55] Yeah

[37:55] but that gives you plenty of time to try and

[37:57] You know cut a hole in the bottom of your popcorn thing to put your wiener through yawn and put your arm around her shoulder

[38:03] Yep, or or try and sneak your hand up her sweater

[38:07] Okay, and then when you're like, baby, I'm kidding I actually I actually said to Danielle today when I told her that uh

[38:15] That we were seeing this I said, why is it that?

[38:18] I've seen no the the person who's supposed to make me see cheesy romance movies doesn't make me see any of them

[38:24] But Dan and Stuart make me see so many of them. Yep. I hold you down

[38:28] I thought the moves on you. I thought this was a good movie. I really enjoyed it

[38:34] No, I thought it was a bad bad movie it's this is one of those movies where the whole time I'm watching it

[38:39] I cannot help but think about the money that went into making it

[38:42] Yeah, and how much of a waste that they could have made eight good movies for the price of this one movie probably. Yeah

[38:50] Yeah, you've you've said it all there's nothing else. I need to say it's a bad bad movie. I don't need to justify it to you people

[38:57] Wow

[38:59] Okay, seems like you really took that one to heart well Sarah's Valentine's Day hard

[39:06] You heard Dan it's hard for him when his wife's out of town so if anyone wants to call him just keep him company

[39:11] Sure have some private lessons. I know of a sex phone number

[39:15] You can call where he's cool. They have anyone wants to ski school to they have a southern woman a Russian woman and a

[39:21] What other voices does she do in this movie?

[39:24] southern Russian

[39:26] One point she's talking about being a cat

[39:29] No, that's not

[39:33] No cats of nationality

[39:36] All right. Well, I have a lot of letters, huh? I have a bursting a burst of belly

[39:42] I'm bursting flop house movie minute. It's a live movie movie mailbag

[39:47] tonight and so there was a there were a lot of responses to the issue of

[39:54] staying on topic versus

[39:56] Engines tangents and stayed on topic for a

[40:00] of this one how did everybody like it tangents we got a there's there's too

[40:05] much to get into detail but i'm gonna run down

[40:08] yeah give us a summary i'll give you a bunch of them i was talking so hard that

[40:11] i knocked my microphone aside just through pure talking wow i'm

[40:15] sure your voice it probably picked me up i'm pretty loud

[40:18] um so okay we got one that says the last few shows have been great

[40:22] you should not stick to discussing these shitty films the pop culture free

[40:25] association is what makes the show also please keep the flop house house

[40:29] cat around cheers it's cool flop house house cat

[40:34] yeah cheers favorite max power parmesan eastern europe that's

[40:39] obviously a pseudonym um no it sounds like a real name

[40:43] uh my hobble opinion that the off-topic chatter is a staple of flop house

[40:48] composes the heart and soul of the program and without it all that would be

[40:51] left is a desiccated husk please keep making funny hook references

[40:55] that's from sean my references to the movie hook or to

[40:59] dan's okay i don't want to think um we got one who

[41:04] says if anyone doesn't like them rambling

[41:07] tangents they should go listen to a serious podcast about bad movies

[41:11] which is a podcast that should in no way exist

[41:14] um but besides it's very judgmental if not for the fun filler

[41:18] lists cat noises and size and celebrity name dropping

[41:22] size discussions lists ask accusations of dan's homophobia please let's not

[41:27] that's a keen boy desiccated husk dan without that

[41:30] recommendations for invisible werewolf movies and lists

[41:34] the podcast uh for movies like one 10 000 bc would last

[41:38] five boring minutes yeah says brian the only mention of i realize no mention of

[41:42] rocket crocodile in the world of tomorrow well that was that was pretty

[41:45] recent that's true it's a new thing the people are still trying to wrap their

[41:48] brains around it's like inception yeah the one the one sort of uh iffy uh

[41:54] response is from john last name withheld who says

[41:57] you guys suck while listening to a flop house episode last year

[42:01] it occurred to me that the domain word sound like each other.com is available

[42:07] and maybe more appropriate home for your show burn

[42:10] accurate zing awesome i think that i deserve that

[42:16] considering we did we did a long bit at the beginning of this where we were

[42:19] deliberately mispronouncing the names of the actors that's a very fair slam

[42:25] well i think that it's incumbent upon the fans of the flop house

[42:29] someone to buy the domain word sound like each other.com and make that into a

[42:33] fan site do it i think that's a great idea so uh

[42:37] falls in your court flop house nation and if flop house fan.com is not taking

[42:40] you should probably take that too yep swim fan

[42:44] aqua fan aqua fan was taken turned out it was an underwater sex website

[42:50] so one posting that said underwater sex anyone tried this

[42:55] so uh so we have some other ones here oh more letters i love it uh i got one from

[43:02] andrew last name withheld you're just writing these right

[43:05] no it's your actual human no this is a real letter dear dan you're the best

[43:09] i think you're great your voice sounds like you're well endowed in the penis

[43:13] department love dan i mean someone else love dan

[43:17] mccoy last name withheld yes when you read my letter do a stupid

[43:21] voice

[43:25] this is from andrew last name withheld and it says

[43:29] you're decent now it says dearest dan stewart and elliot

[43:32] dearest i only discovered the flop house around last august or so and have been

[43:36] slowly going back through earlier episodes as my busy schedule allows

[43:40] lately though i've run into a problem since the introduction of the flop house

[43:44] house cat i keep

[43:48] i keep anticipating his trade his trademark yowl

[43:53] my skin goose pimply with anticipation at that vaunted catterwall

[43:58] my brow moist with anxious sweat and his eventual bursting onto the scene

[44:02] you write this letter dan this is a fan

[44:06] fucking flop house house cats writing his letters man what the fuck

[44:10] my problem i now find though is that this pavlovian response you have so

[44:14] carelessly instilled in me can never be stated by these earlier

[44:18] episodes no matter how jocular are you saying we

[44:21] need to do a special edition where we insert

[44:24] hold on i'm constantly on the listen for that patented howl and constantly

[44:29] disappointed when it never arrives i propose a simple task in your part go

[44:33] back and re-edit the sixty some odd episodes

[44:36] the flop house previous to the flop house house cats invention

[44:40] including the movie minutes so that his presence may be known within them

[44:44] i expect this to be accomplished no later than march 1st of this year

[44:47] wow not a lot of time thank you for your time and consideration

[44:50] well dan the garland has been thrown down i will see if the house cat is

[44:55] available i have a feeling holy session

[45:00] uh if i recall he's currently unemployed but he's got some prospects

[45:04] we gotta do it's gotta be like the star of special editions where it's just

[45:08] as as fake and irritating as possible doesn't make sense the house is just

[45:14] interrupting people or like a like a farting track on uh

[45:19] wet hot american summer yes there's a bunch of fart noises

[45:23] oh i'm glad the flat house house cat is taking off so much yeah

[45:26] yeah i mean he'll be really happy when you tell him why you relay that yeah i

[45:30] mean he's he went to the other room when we're

[45:33] not watching the movie it's weird stewart you and he have a kind of bruce

[45:36] wayne batman relationship you're the only one who can get in touch with him

[45:39] yeah it's kind of strange yeah it's like it's i'm also a spider-man taking

[45:43] million photos of uh peter parker takes photos of peter

[45:47] parker yeah what a great story that'd be in a

[45:53] world where peter parker is famous and spider-man is just trying to make a

[45:57] living and just selling lots of pictures of peter parker

[46:00] oh man and no one knows the two are the same

[46:04] man you gotta you've got an n over you've got it over at marvel why don't

[46:08] you i'm working on something for them right

[46:10] now i'll pitch them that story that sounds great that's like such a

[46:14] that's such a 1950s dc storyline where a world where spider-man and peter

[46:18] parker are flipped yeah everyone loves peter parker but what

[46:21] about me spider-man you heard it here first man this could

[46:24] be a classic story in years to come yeah yep when kids

[46:29] are riding around on hoverboards they'll remember when they heard about

[46:32] the flop however dan mccoy misspeaking and elliot being there spinning it into

[46:36] comic gold so uh this is a long letter so let's uh

[46:41] okay let's sorry i'll try i'll try to get over the best letter ever written

[46:45] which we just read so this uh this better than any of the

[46:49] letters that make up the original old testament or sorry new testament

[46:53] wow that's right i said it this one is from ainsley last name with hell that

[46:57] was our flop house is bigger than jesus moment so

[46:59] and uh and ainsley says allow me to begin by saying that i love your work

[47:05] long-time listener first-time emailer i'm ready to strongly suggest a film for

[47:09] review by your esteemed podcast an episode at 38

[47:12] dated saturday may 20 2009 you tackled the disney release beverly

[47:18] hills chihuahua at the urging of one stewart wellington i commend you for

[47:22] approaching the film with your usual grace poison

[47:25] forthrightness as but as our nation stands on the precipice of valuable

[47:29] social change i urge you to take the risk and make the

[47:32] sequel beverly hills chihuahua 2 the subject of an upcoming episode

[47:36] with the tagline the family just got bigger it's clear that this film is a

[47:40] subversive nuanced attempt to investigate one of the more inflammatory

[47:43] issues that our country country is facing

[47:46] dog marriage while both republicans and democrats

[47:49] contest the pros cons and ultimate long-term results of gay marriage

[47:53] one thing conservatives have always made clear is that legalizing marriage between

[47:56] same-sex couples will lead to the disintegration of the

[47:59] traditional family dynamic with its bed death resent

[48:01] resentment and 50 divorce rate his attorney and noted conservative david

[48:06] gibbs three expressed three

[48:10] not david gives the third but david gives three who's a clone or a robot of

[48:14] some kind

[48:19] as noted conservative

[48:25] well he said the gay marriage would lead to total interspecies matrimonial

[48:28] anarchy resulting in the question maybe people

[48:31] might want to marry their pets or robots i'm not addressing the robot issue i

[48:35] feel that wall-e is superb film by pixar adequately dispelled any myths about the

[48:39] love between robots being repub repugnant

[48:42] mr gibbs statement has been snatched up by the rabid right and uses their

[48:45] shield to deflect the arrows of progress a dog's right to marry may it be another

[48:49] dog or an interspecies union with a human

[48:52] isn't something to be used as mere fodder for bigoted rhetoric

[48:55] beverly little chihuahua to director alexam whose previous releases include

[49:00] dr too little million dollar mutts and the pooch and the popper oh

[49:05] so he's typecast as a dog director has evidently been

[49:09] a long-time closet supporter of animal love be it

[49:12] eros or agape i hope that you three will do the right thing and pick up the same

[49:17] mantle as mr zam by confronting the hayshoe head-on

[49:20] review beverly hills chihuahua too and allow your listeners to judge for

[49:23] themselves is dog marriage so wrong and anchor

[49:26] babies they have anchor babies right i'm from

[49:29] mexico yeah anchor puppies anchor puppies i'm

[49:33] gonna bridge a little bit of human baby though wouldn't that be

[49:35] fucking crazy that's not how things work but no but what if it happened

[49:41] can two dogs take care of a human baby it'd be like a mowgli

[49:45] but mowgli was uh was a you know cast off

[49:48] wait he didn't wait he wasn't it wasn't baloo's child i thought baloo and

[49:52] uh king louis had a baby that's weird i want to be like you but

[49:57] it's a just no just skip the end

[50:00] If you feel that this film is unendurable, may I suggest Purple Rain in its place, chances

[50:04] are it's more or less the same movie anyway, respectfully yours.

[50:07] And she says, allow this to sway your opinion, aren't they cute?

[50:11] And she includes a picture, which I'm now showing to the other members of the Flophouse.

[50:16] OK, this is Elliot's expression.

[50:18] Imagine sexual confusion with intensity, if you first describe what the photo was, Stuart,

[50:27] that I'm showing you.

[50:28] The photo is of two dogs.

[50:32] One is dressed up very nice.

[50:33] There are two dogs getting married.

[50:35] Yeah, there's a dog that appears to be in a black tie, and there's a dog in a wedding

[50:40] dress.

[50:41] And they seem to be very happy.

[50:42] Oh, yeah, I think they'll have a very happy life together.

[50:44] I mean, I'm not sure if they understand the commitment that they're making.

[50:49] Who really does?

[50:50] Who really does?

[50:51] That's the thing.

[50:52] Yeah.

[50:53] Yeah.

[50:54] I mean, like if adorableness is any indication of a successful marriage, then it isn't.

[51:00] All right.

[51:01] So, well, that was a well-reasoned and well-thought-out letter.

[51:05] Yeah.

[51:06] As to why we should watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2.

[51:08] Put more work into that than we put into our podcast, so I thank you.

[51:14] Hmm.

[51:15] Well, that's a better argument than what we usually do, which is Elliot eats chicken and

[51:19] I shout and give thumbs up or thumbs down.

[51:22] I usually eat chicken and then say, what movie is short?

[51:23] I think they're wormy boners up or down, actually, usually.

[51:24] Yep.

[51:25] I do talk about wormy boners, too.

[51:26] But, yeah, no, yeah, you usually just pick the, we usually just pick the shortest movie

[51:33] that's available.

[51:34] Yeah.

[51:35] Mm-hmm.

[51:36] Not tonight.

[51:37] No.

[51:38] Tonight we picked the longest.

[51:39] That was Dan's fault.

[51:40] Yeah.

[51:41] Look, I'm trying to be a little more topical or seasonal, if you will.

[51:42] Well, so we couldn't watch, like, Groundhog Day?

[51:43] It's a great movie.

[51:44] It doesn't fit within the purview of the flop out.

[51:47] I just like watching it.

[51:48] Okay.

[51:49] Well, we can do that, but I don't, we shouldn't do a podcast about it.

[51:53] Well, let's say, at a future date, we may watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua, too.

[51:56] Who knows?

[51:57] Yeah.

[51:58] We need to see what happens.

[51:59] Unlike those dogs, I'm not ready for the commitment.

[52:00] Yeah.

[52:01] Oh, man.

[52:02] Dude, would the Flophouse house cat have a problem with us watching another dog-based

[52:06] movie?

[52:07] It would be.

[52:08] I mean, I'd have to ask him.

[52:09] Once again, he's not here.

[52:10] It's really strange.

[52:11] Wow.

[52:12] You've gotten...

[52:13] You were really teasing me.

[52:14] There's so many fan letters, and you will not relent.

[52:18] Okay.

[52:19] So, what's the next part of that?

[52:22] We need to find a cat-based Flophouse movie, though.

[52:25] Yeah.

[52:26] Well, we could watch The Return of Pussy Galore.

[52:29] The Return of Kitty Galore.

[52:31] Dogs and Cats 2.

[52:33] The Return of Kitty Galore.

[52:34] They're like real spies, only furrier.

[52:36] Yep.

[52:37] Only furriers.

[52:38] Yep, they're in the fur business.

[52:40] They work as furriers.

[52:42] So, what do we do now at this point?

[52:44] We talked about the movie and listened to letters.

[52:46] Recommendations.

[52:47] Now we recommend movies that we actually saw and enjoyed.

[52:50] Flophouse Esket!

[52:53] Yeah, he likes this part.

[52:55] So, does anyone want to kick it off?

[52:58] Anyone raring?

[52:59] I can if you want me to.

[53:00] I mean, it sounds like...

[53:01] Okay, yeah, you go.

[53:02] He's literally raring.

[53:03] No, Ellie, you can go.

[53:04] I will quickly.

[53:05] I am recommending two movies as one unit.

[53:08] As one unit, Jonny To's series Election and Election 2,

[53:14] or as it was released in the United States, Election and Triad Election.

[53:19] Two movies about a triad gang.

[53:23] They're electing a new chairman.

[53:25] There's trouble in the ranks.

[53:27] Taken at...

[53:28] Each movie by itself is okay.

[53:30] And together, they make one kind of like nicer, longer saga of gangster stuff.

[53:37] And there's a little bit of violence and a lot of conniving.

[53:42] Awesome.

[53:43] Violence and conniving.

[53:44] Sounds great.

[53:45] I saw several movies that I actually enjoyed.

[53:49] No, briefly, I liked Me and Orson Welles.

[53:54] I think that it suffered from having Zac Efron as the main character,

[53:58] but it had a good actor as Orson Welles.

[54:00] And if you like Orson Welles or the history of the American stage,

[54:08] you might enjoy Me and Orson Welles.

[54:11] I also watched a movie called Infestation,

[54:14] which is a surprisingly good B movie about giant bugs.

[54:18] But the movie I'm going to recommend is Easy A,

[54:21] which I have a weakness for both horror films and teen comedies.

[54:27] And what they have in common is many of them are terrible.

[54:30] But Easy A I enjoyed.

[54:32] It suffers a little bit from Diablo Cody disease

[54:35] where everyone's a little too clever.

[54:37] They sound a little too much like each other.

[54:39] But it's generally pretty good.

[54:44] Emma Stone is very funny in it.

[54:46] Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson are very good as her parents.

[54:53] She's the one from Zombieland, right?

[54:55] Yeah.

[54:56] And I kind of liked it.

[54:59] It had a more nuanced sort of view of teen sex and sexuality

[55:07] than a lot of these comedies do,

[55:09] where it's either something not to be worried about at all

[55:13] or it's like really chaste and moralizing.

[55:15] Like American Pie 8 naked in the class or something like that?

[55:18] Yeah, it's neither.

[55:19] It's neither.

[55:20] That's actually 100% accurate there, Elliot.

[55:23] American Pie 10 head in the class?

[55:25] It's neither treated as nothing

[55:27] or like the most important thing in the world.

[55:29] Ah, yeah.

[55:30] And so I liked it for that.

[55:31] Stuart, what do you have to say?

[55:33] So it's like a movie version of the TV show Skins.

[55:35] It's like a movie version.

[55:36] Just a penetrating look at life as a teen.

[55:38] It's like a movie version of real life rational human beings.

[55:43] I don't know.

[55:44] I want to recommend a little movie

[55:47] that's I would say a good bad movie.

[55:50] A movie called Frozen.

[55:53] It's a movie directed by Adam Green,

[55:57] director of another movie I recommended, Hatchet.

[56:00] Yeah, I can't get behind that recommendation.

[56:03] I didn't get on your case for recommending stupid shit.

[56:09] Wow, sassy.

[56:11] Flawless.

[56:13] Finish him.

[56:15] I will finish him with the rest of my recommendations.

[56:18] 250 point zing combo.

[56:20] Frozen is a movie about three college kids

[56:24] who get stuck on a chairlift.

[56:26] They're real bastards.

[56:27] They get stuck on a chairlift at a Connecticut ski resort

[56:32] and that closes down on a Sunday night

[56:35] and then won't reopen until the following Friday for some reason.

[56:40] They get stuck up there

[56:42] and it's like this chairlift is super fucking high.

[56:48] They're called wolves for some reason.

[56:50] Yeah, it's fucking awesome.

[56:51] It's hilarious.

[56:52] Yeah, I don't want to spoil anything,

[56:54] but yeah, it's hilarious.

[56:55] There's the most aggressive man-eating wolves

[56:58] just roaming around.

[56:59] I guess they're the security force of this fucking ski resort.

[57:02] It is a Nazi ski resort, yeah.

[57:04] Yeah, it's hilarious

[57:06] and there's some good gross-out bits

[57:08] and yeah, it's pretty stupid.

[57:10] So watch it.

[57:11] I should mention in the second of the election movies,

[57:13] a man does chop up another man with a meat cleaver.

[57:16] In case that makes people more want to watch it.

[57:19] So Elliot gets second best for the recommendations today.

[57:25] Now that we're keeping track.

[57:26] Charge you guys against me.

[57:27] Ben, does the Flophouse house cat have anything to recommend?

[57:31] Caterwauling, apparently.

[57:34] Okay, so what do we do now?

[57:35] Now we sign off, guys.

[57:37] Okay.

[57:38] We sign off, guys?

[57:39] Yeah.

[57:40] Sign off on, guys.

[57:42] Good idea.

[57:43] Good idea, everyone.

[57:44] That sounds like a teen sex comedy.

[57:46] Sign off, guys?

[57:49] I want to wish everyone out there in Flophouse land

[57:52] a very happy Valentine's Day.

[57:55] Yep.

[57:56] Better than the movie Valentine's Day.

[57:58] Spend it with your loved ones.

[58:00] Wow, creepy.

[58:02] Happy Valentine's Day from me, Stuart.

[58:05] Very scary.

[58:07] All right, well, good night, everyone.

[58:09] I've been Dan McCoy.

[58:10] I've been Stuart.

[58:12] And I am still Elliot.

[58:14] Kalen.

[58:15] See ya.

[58:16] Happy Valentine's Day.

[58:31] It was like, this movie is a giant valentine to my penis.

[58:36] A giant valentine to Valentine's.

[58:38] Oh, yeah, that's better.

[58:40] Erase mine.

[58:41] I'll take Dan's.

[58:42] Use Dan's.

[58:43] That's what I said.

[58:44] You know what?

[58:45] Put that quote on the poster.

[58:46] Not, a giant valentine to my penis.

[58:48] Stuart Wellington, the Flophouse.

[58:50] Valentine's Day, a very martial film.

[58:52] My favorite poster quote lately, when I opened up the DVD box of Dead Heat,

[58:57] that I own, and the liner notes as a poster,

[59:04] I opened up the box for Collision Course, which I own.

[59:09] It says, these two cops have to solve the biggest murder case of their careers.

[59:14] Their own.

[59:16] Oh, because they die.

[59:19] Because they're zombie cops.

[59:21] Roger Mortis is one of the characters' names.

The Flop House: Episode #74 - Valentine's Day

Transcript

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