The Flop House: Episode #79 - Knight and Day

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss Night and Day, the 2010 Oscar winner for a pun title that doesn't make sense.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:37] I'm Elliot Kalin.

S1

[0:38] And I'm special surprise guest.

[0:42] Figure out who I am, then write in two weeks from now and tell me who you think I am.

[0:49] Yeah, don't write to us, write to him.

[0:51] Yes, when you figure out who I am, find me.

Dan McCoy

[0:57] That would be a great Flophouse contest, but I feel like we have to identify our guests.

[1:02] All right, you're the boss.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03] You do the honors.

[1:04] Joining us today is my friend and co-worker, Mr. Wyatt Senek.

[1:09] Damn it, you ruined it.

S1

[1:11] You ruined everything.

[1:12] Contest over, everyone.

[1:13] I'm sorry.

[1:15] Elliot can't let a contest just go.

[1:18] I know that everyone here, they wanted to be involved in the contest.

[1:22] They wanted to have fun because that's what podcasts are about.

[1:24] They're about having fun while you're listening to the podcast.

[1:27] You're out there scavenger hunting, looking for me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30] Here's the thing.

[1:30] Our listeners know that we introduce a lot of contests that are never paid off.

[1:34] Yeah.

[1:34] And winners are never chosen.

[1:36] So I wanted to save them the trouble.

Dan McCoy

[1:38] People actually write in asking when the next vaguely defined contest is going to be.

[1:43] And I hate to disappoint them.

[1:45] So I guess this is it.

[1:46] Oh, yeah.

S1

[1:47] This contest had a clear winner.

[1:49] Me?

[1:50] No.

[1:50] If you figured out who I was, then you got to help me move.

[1:55] Oh, that was the prize?

[1:57] Yeah.

[1:58] I think Elliot, you just committed yourself to helping my move.

[2:00] Oh, I don't want to do that.

[2:01] Oh, I get all right.

[2:03] The flip side of that, if you assumed I was like, I don't know, that like crusty hobo that

[2:09] hangs out under the train station, then you go and you make a new friend.

[2:15] Were you on the flop house?

Elliott Kalan

[2:17] Well, I stayed in the flop house.

S1

[2:20] Wait, is it one hobo that found another hobo?

Elliott Kalan

[2:23] Our listener who knew about that guy is also a hobo.

[2:26] You have Whiskey Pete as a listener?

Dan McCoy

[2:28] Two elderly lady hobos together.

Elliott Kalan

[2:31] Now, there's a show.

[2:32] It's the Golden Girls, but they're homeless.

[2:36] This is a show I think we can do.

S1

[2:37] Yeah, I like it.

[2:39] Now, listeners.

[2:39] The homeless girls.

[2:40] Tin cup girls.

[2:41] Tin cup.

Dan McCoy

[2:42] The penny whistle girls.

[2:44] Listeners, of course, will be familiar with Wyatt.

[2:47] From this podcast, from just a few moments ago.

[2:50] Yep, you just heard his voice.

[2:51] And from untitled Kanye West HBO Project.

[2:56] Probably the number one.

[2:58] Someone went to IMDb today.

[3:02] That's, I think, the only reason IMDb exists, so people can make that joke.

[3:07] But no, of course, the Daily Show.

[3:09] Daily Show.

Elliott Kalan

[3:10] The hit film, hit blockbuster film, Medicine for Melancholy.

S1

[3:13] And the untitled Kanye West HBO Project.

[3:17] That, keeping fingers crossed, it's been about four or five years now.

[3:22] We still haven't heard back.

[3:24] So any day, HBO will green light it, and it will be the thing that follows Game of Thrones.

Elliott Kalan

[3:30] And Kanye's not one of those guys who just kind of lets a project fall without coming back to it.

[3:36] I wouldn't think so.

Dan McCoy

[3:38] Especially not if that project is tweeting.

[3:40] Yeah.

[3:40] He seems to have taken to that.

Elliott Kalan

[3:41] I'm just saying Adam West did not raise a kid who did not follow through on his promises.

S1

[3:46] That's true.

[3:47] Adam West and Diane Wiest.

[3:50] Their son, Kanye.

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] Another great show idea.

[3:54] The Wests.

[3:56] Meet the Wests.

[3:57] On after the Tin Cup Girls.

[4:00] It's called the Westing Game.

[4:01] We call it the Rich and Poor Hour.

Dan McCoy

[4:07] This is much more fun than actually talking about the movie we...

[4:11] I feel like I need to get this on track, but I don't want to.

Elliott Kalan

[4:13] Well, you're the boss.

[4:14] You decide.

[4:15] No, I mean...

S1

[4:16] All right, new contest.

[4:18] If you call in right now, if you're the 45th caller, you get to decide what we talk about.

Elliott Kalan

[4:25] That's a good contest if this was airing live.

[4:27] Or they knew where to call.

[4:29] Hold on.

S1

[4:29] Oh, first, figure out where to call.

Dan McCoy

[4:32] Figure out my number.

[4:34] And then if 44 of you figure it out...

[4:36] Here's a hint.

Elliott Kalan

[4:37] It's got a two in it.

[4:39] Don't give it away!

[4:40] That's just to get them started.

S1

[4:42] You ruin every contest.

Elliott Kalan

[4:45] I'm the contest ruiner.

[4:46] Yep.

[4:47] Yeah.

[4:48] That was my Batman villain character.

[4:50] Really?

[4:51] Yeah.

[4:51] He just keeps like...

[4:53] He just ruined contests, which is not technically a crime.

Dan McCoy

[4:57] Just Bruce Wayne is like a real contest aficionado.

[5:00] He just loves him.

[5:01] He loves contests.

S1

[5:02] Well, Batman, it looks like you've won this scratcher.

[5:05] But I'm going to scratch everything off!

Elliott Kalan

[5:08] No!

[5:08] Contest ruiner!

[5:09] Like, Bruce Wayne's sitting in the movies and the screen scramble is up, and the contest

[5:14] ruiner just yells out the answer.

[5:16] It's Indiana Jones!

[5:17] I didn't even get a chance to read it yet.

S1

[5:20] Oops!

[5:21] Guess I ruined your contest!

[5:24] Oh, and I'm going to ruin the movie, too.

[5:27] The bureau gets adjusted.

[5:31] Spoiler alert!

[5:33] That's my sidekick!

[5:37] Who's just me because I can't afford a real sidekick?

[5:40] You're so lucky that you have your own ward!

[5:43] Man, I wish...

[5:45] I wish I could feed myself.

Elliott Kalan

[5:47] Oh, the movie's been going for ten minutes, so I don't know what's happening because he

[5:50] keeps talking.

S1

[5:51] I told you!

[5:52] The bureau gets adjusted!

S4

[5:55] That's me ruining your day!

Dan McCoy

[5:59] Yeah, the contest ruiner is branching out into just ruining movies.

[6:05] I hope he doesn't team up with seven pounds.

S1

[6:08] New contest!

[6:10] Those of you who are artists, why don't you draw us a few panels of Batman versus the contest

[6:16] ruiner?

[6:16] See, now that's a good contest.

[6:17] That's a good contest.

Elliott Kalan

[6:18] Considering unsolicited, we have people sending in pictures of Penny from Inspector Gadget fighting

[6:23] a dinosaur.

S1

[6:23] Yeah.

[6:24] Well, now you got something else to kill your day with.

[6:28] As you're listening to this podcast, hating the job you're in, doodling on some graph

[6:32] paper, why don't you doodle something with purpose?

[6:36] I'm speaking specifically about one of you who works with graph paper.

Dan McCoy

[6:41] And the prize is the feeling of accomplishment you get after having drawn the contest ruiner.

[6:46] Mm-hmm.

[6:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:47] So the movie we watched tonight was called Night and Day.

[6:51] Now, you might be thinking, oh, Night and Day, N-I-G-H-T-N-Day.

[6:56] No, wrong.

[6:57] Spelled like a knight, like a medieval knight.

[7:00] Like K'Night and Day.

[7:01] Exactly.

[7:01] K'Night and Day.

S1

[7:02] So like M. K'Night Shyamalan.

Elliott Kalan

[7:05] Exactly.

[7:05] But not spelled that way at all.

S1

[7:08] That's how he spells it.

[7:09] Because he's a knight.

Elliott Kalan

[7:10] Then he would be Sir M. K'Night Shyamalan.

S1

[7:14] Well, he doesn't want to be so formal.

[7:17] Oh, okay.

[7:18] That's pretty good then.

[7:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:19] So, yeah, this is a film, a blockbuster film.

Elliott Kalan

[7:22] Blockbuster film with two.

[7:23] James Mangold directed it.

[7:25] James Mangold, man made out of gold.

[7:27] Mm-hmm.

[7:27] I have to assume his name.

[7:28] Another Batman villain.

[7:29] I have to assume he was just named James Goldman and he changed his name.

[7:32] But, uh.

S1

[7:33] If you say it too fast, it sounds like James Mangold.

[7:35] Yeah, like he got me.

[7:36] He's been mangled.

[7:37] Oh.

[7:39] Poor Mangold Man.

[7:40] You should let him direct the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[7:41] Direct the movie that he wants to that doesn't really make any sense when you get down to it.

S1

[7:46] Let him direct it.

[7:47] He's been mangled.

Elliott Kalan

[7:49] So, to tell the story in a nutshell, Cameron Diaz is.

[7:54] Get out of that nutshell.

[7:56] Yeah.

[7:56] Eh.

[7:57] Eh.

[7:57] Wow.

[7:58] Classic vaudeville bit.

[7:59] Batman villain, the podcast ruiner.

[8:03] Cameron Diaz has to get back to Boston for her sister's wedding.

[8:09] But on the plane, she runs, or in the airport, she bumps into Tom Cruise, who of course turns out to be a spy.

[8:16] And through a series of hijinks that involve Tom Cruise killing everyone on a plane and then crashing it.

[8:23] Tom Cruise shooting Cameron Diaz's ex-boyfriend in the leg.

[8:27] Tom Cruise getting her into danger and death and trouble.

[8:31] And Tom Cruise wearing a turtleneck sweater at one point.

[8:35] Mock turtleneck.

[8:36] Mock turtleneck.

Dan McCoy

[8:36] Mock turtleneck with a sport coat over it.

[8:39] Yeah.

[8:39] Very classy.

[8:40] Mm-hmm.

[8:41] Basically, Tom Cruise.

[8:42] He should be in a Swiss chalet serving some hot chocolate with little marshmallows and marshmallows.

Elliott Kalan

[8:48] And a man in need of a mustache.

[8:50] Yes.

[8:50] He should have had a mustache and marshmallows.

[8:53] And marshmallows.

S1

[8:54] Mm.

Elliott Kalan

[8:56] Which are like-

[8:56] And marshmallows.

[8:59] But the-

[9:00] So basically, Tom Cruise is a spy.

[9:02] He's been framed by another spy.

[9:04] What?

[9:04] To make it look like he is going rogue and stealing a super secret battery invented by awkward genius Paul Dano.

[9:11] And it's the battery.

[9:12] It's called the Zephyr.

[9:13] It's called the Zephyr.

[9:14] He's been framed into making it look like he stole the Zephyr and is trying to sell it to a Spanish crime boss who, for some reason, wants this.

[9:22] I guess he's a-

S1

[9:22] Named Anthony Quintano.

[9:24] Yes.

[9:25] I remembered names.

Dan McCoy

[9:28] Wow.

[9:29] The-

[9:30] Yeah, I just remembered him as Spanish Fisher Stevens.

Elliott Kalan

[9:33] Which is also pretty accurate.

[9:36] He's an arms dealer, so he wants this battery, I guess, to power the nuclear weapon that he will

[9:40] sell to somebody.

[9:41] But it's never really explained why he wants it.

[9:44] So there's a series of hijinks.

[9:46] It's like a romantic comedy with a lot of guns and things.

[9:50] Yeah.

[9:50] And Cameron Diaz, they run around and they get captured and Cameron Diaz gets knocked out like 80 times.

[9:56] Yes.

[9:57] And-

[9:57] Well, not just knocked out, like roofied.

[10:00] Yeah, roofied by Tom Cruise.

[10:01] By Tom Cruise.

[10:01] And once Vulcan neck pinched to knock her out.

[10:04] Right.

[10:04] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[10:04] He never punches her and knocks her out.

[10:07] No.

[10:07] He like roofies her.

[10:08] No, he is a knockout.

[10:09] Yeah.

[10:10] Ooh.

[10:11] Let me tell you.

[10:12] Takes her shirt off.

[10:14] That is a buff older man.

Elliott Kalan

[10:17] He and Cameron Diaz are both like a little too old to be playing these parts.

[10:21] And they're both in very good-

[10:23] Well, no, but they're in very good shape.

[10:25] But they're in the good shape that like people in their 40s are in where their skin is like a little too tight in an artificially weird way.

S1

[10:31] See, but that's what I liked about it is that they are the perfect ages to be doing this.

[10:38] Cameron Diaz, you know, struggling as her sister, her younger sister is getting married.

[10:44] Yep.

[10:45] And not dealing with it well.

[10:47] So when she's on an empty airplane with Tom Cruise, the first thing she thinks to do is get drunk and make out with him even though she'd never met him before.

Elliott Kalan

[10:58] Never met him before and doesn't seem to think it's weird that there's almost no one else on the plane.

[11:03] The people who are on the plane are all dead.

[11:05] And you can just walk around during turbulence and no one tells you to stop.

[11:09] Right.

S1

[11:09] Early on, it was a great commercial for commercial airline travel because early on in the movie, they go and they get on.

[11:21] She tries to get on the same flight that Tom Cruise is getting on to go to Boston.

[11:25] She's already checked in.

[11:27] She's past security.

[11:28] Past security, goes to board the plane.

[11:31] They say, the plane's full.

[11:33] You can't get on this plane.

[11:34] And then all of a sudden, through some sort of magic, the movie magic, she gets on the airplane to find that there were only eight people who were also on this airplane.

[11:50] Presumably all trying to get back to Lost Island.

Dan McCoy

[11:53] Yeah.

[11:54] Well, Shannon from Lost is in the movie as her sister.

[11:58] So I guess that was the tie-in there.

[12:00] But yeah, she later on after…

Elliott Kalan

[12:04] Yeah, that was a big selling point for the movie.

[12:05] Yeah.

[12:06] It was the unofficial Lost crossover.

[12:08] Yep.

[12:08] Or Lost Over, as they called it.

[12:10] They had Burger King figurines.

[12:13] Figurines, plastic mugs, the contest, get lost on Lost with night and day.

[12:19] Yeah, I was always wondering.

[12:20] It's waiting for the night and day time.

[12:23] So we could go over basically the plot in more detail.

[12:26] But it's basically just Cameron Diaz getting pulled along on a series of adventures, falling for Tom Cruise, not trusting him and turning him in.

[12:34] Then realizing he was the hero after all, having to try to save him.

[12:38] And then they both save each other.

[12:40] And there's a lot of shooting and explosions and everything works out okay in the end.

S1

[12:43] And she also meets his parents.

Elliott Kalan

[12:45] She meets his parents who think he died in the Gulf War.

[12:48] Yeah.

[12:49] And apparently he is now undercover as a spy.

[12:52] His parents think he's dead.

[12:52] But he has arranged to the government that his parents keep winning the lottery and the publisher's clearing house sweepstakes.

S1

[12:58] Yeah.

[12:58] So that they can get money for stuff because they're stupid old people.

[13:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[13:03] But I mean that's more money than – that seems like an abuse of power.

[13:06] Could he just have arranged some sort of pension system?

[13:09] Nope.

[13:10] Lottery.

S1

[13:10] Oh, and Cameron Diaz is a mechanic.

[13:13] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[13:13] Cameron Diaz is a mechanic who's obsessed with her dad's GTO and talks about it a lot and finally gets to drive it at the end.

[13:20] And you wonder, why didn't she drive this car before?

[13:23] Since she owns it.

[13:25] Yeah.

[13:25] Are you asking?

[13:27] Anybody.

[13:28] The god, the universe.

S1

[13:30] New contest.

Elliott Kalan

[13:34] Like, there's just a lot of –

Dan McCoy

[13:36] Wyatt is the Batman villain.

[13:37] The contest inventor.

[13:39] He bedevils Batman.

[13:40] By inventing all sorts of contests directly.

[13:43] I was like, oh, best bat costume.

[13:47] I was like, well, I really should – I should enter this contest.

[13:50] I feel like I'd be a shoo-in for this one.

[13:52] So it's always a trick.

[13:54] Robin has to be like, no, Batman.

Elliott Kalan

[13:56] It's not a real contest.

[13:58] It's clearly been specifically designed.

[13:59] Robin, this flyer was photocopied and pasted on a light pole.

[14:03] This is a real contest.

S1

[14:04] No, he's just trying to get you to fill out his – your address and so that way he can send you mailers.

Elliott Kalan

[14:10] He just wants to send you circulars.

[14:12] Look, he sells ad space on his circulars.

[14:16] You're just falling right into his hands.

S1

[14:19] Oh, Batman, this is – you're just going to be – the front stoop is just going to be covered in –

[14:24] I could win $100,000 in prizes.

[14:27] No.

[14:29] He's going to get you on that BMG CD thing.

Elliott Kalan

[14:33] Robin, all I have to do is subscribe to four magazines and I'm entered to win a million dollars.

[14:38] And I can cancel the magazines at any time.

Dan McCoy

[14:42] Batman, you're a billionaire.

[14:43] You don't need to – you have no need for another million.

[14:45] Look at the prices of these magazines.

[14:47] You know what?

[14:47] $6.99.

S1

[14:48] I'm getting you self-magazine, Robin.

Elliott Kalan

[14:52] You're welcome.

[14:52] Getting a little tubby around the old thighs there, my young ward.

S1

[14:56] I know you're always trying to get into Batgirl's head.

[14:59] So a little self-magazine to better understand the ladies.

Dan McCoy

[15:08] One thing that –

[15:10] Ellie, you've got a burgeoning comics writing career.

[15:12] I think that you could pitch these stories.

Elliott Kalan

[15:14] I don't really think I can pitch these stories.

[15:16] The contest ruiner or the contest inventor.

S1

[15:19] Wait until the – wait until we get the panels in from people.

[15:23] Yeah, and see who's best.

[15:24] Yeah.

[15:25] Yeah.

[15:25] There might be a real visual feel.

[15:27] Some sizzle art to show.

[15:28] Yeah.

[15:29] You got to have your sizzle reel ready.

[15:30] Yeah.

[15:32] Something that just struck me early in the movie.

[15:37] Tom Cruise's character whose name is like Rummy Miller or something like that.

[15:46] His name is Roy Miller.

[15:49] Rummy Miller.

[15:50] So Rummy, he has this battery, this Zephyr device, and he has to hide it because he knows that the FBI – they're looking for him at the airport.

[16:02] So he's trying to find something to hide it in.

[16:05] And then he finds a Knight figurine, which he puts it in.

[16:10] Yeah, which screws open somehow.

[16:12] Yeah, somehow it's a hollowed out thing.

[16:13] But there's a moment where he looks at it and he's like, ha-ha, this is the perfect thing.

[16:18] And then later on you learn that his real last name is Knight.

[16:24] Yeah.

[16:25] And there's something very arrogant, beautifully arrogant, about a guy being like, what to hide this in?

[16:34] The thing that reminds me most of me.

[16:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:39] I would have liked it if his name was Miller and he found like a tiny figurine of a guy working a mill.

Dan McCoy

[16:44] They did not have that in the gift shop at the airport.

Elliott Kalan

[16:46] Or like a pepper mill or something like that.

[16:48] But there's no one named Day in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[16:51] Well, I think you missed Susan Day's cameo.

[16:54] I must have.

Elliott Kalan

[16:55] It's like you're waiting for the character named Day to show up.

[16:58] And I feel like that would be a great after credit sequence.

S4

[17:01] Yeah.

[17:01] Hey, folks, it's me, Day.

Elliott Kalan

[17:03] Were you waiting for me?

[17:05] Here I am.

[17:07] Well, goodbye.

[17:08] Have a good ride home.

S1

[17:10] Well, there was that one character, Dave.

[17:14] Yeah.

[17:14] Yeah, I don't think that really counts.

Dan McCoy

[17:15] There was the one character, Deus Ex Machina, at the end of the movie.

[17:20] Huh?

[17:21] Huh?

[17:22] Get out of that nutshell, Elliot.

[17:24] Wow.

[17:25] Over two.

[17:26] Over two.

[17:27] I'm just doubling down on it.

S1

[17:28] There's also something strange about the movie.

[17:31] And I think this is something I enjoy about the movie.

[17:35] I've decided these guys, they can trash it.

[17:38] But I want to work in Hollywood.

[17:41] And I know that everyone in Hollywood listens to this podcast.

[17:45] Oh, yeah.

[17:45] So I don't want to piss anybody off.

[17:48] Because seriously, if you make a Night and Day 2 or Night and Day and Sunset,

[17:52] I would love to be in it.

[17:54] Play Charles Sunset.

[17:56] Well, but that's the thing.

[17:57] His name is Night.

[17:59] And you think, oh, that's awesome.

[18:01] You should, you could do something with that.

[18:04] But instead, that's the name he no longer goes by.

[18:07] Yeah.

[18:07] The movie really should be called, like, Miller and Hagen.

[18:12] Attorneys at law.

Elliott Kalan

[18:13] Or just have Miller be his old name and Night is his current name.

S1

[18:17] I mean, that seems like it's, yeah, like Michael Night.

Elliott Kalan

[18:20] Like if you're going to play, if you're going to have a figurine of a night and have someone

[18:23] named Night, just like go with it all out.

S1

[18:25] Well, it's like our movie, Truth and Justin.

Elliott Kalan

[18:27] Yeah.

[18:27] Truth and, yeah.

[18:28] The starring, just starring Anthony Truth and Justin Justice.

S1

[18:34] That's right.

[18:34] Or featuring.

[18:35] Yeah.

[18:36] And it makes sense because it's got both of their names.

[18:39] It's got Truth.

[18:40] And Justin.

[18:41] And Justin.

Elliott Kalan

[18:42] For Justin Justice.

[18:43] Justin Justice.

[18:44] That is Truth in Advertising.

[18:46] Yeah.

[18:46] Truth and Justin in Advertising.

[18:49] All right.

[18:50] I'm trying to think of a way to tell the plot of this movie that doesn't get bogged down

[18:54] in details because it's just a series of set pieces, basically.

S1

[18:58] Yeah.

[18:58] You don't need to.

[18:58] I mean, you know, she –

Elliott Kalan

[19:00] I feel like with the last podcast with Gooby, you guys went all out with the plot.

[19:05] Wow.

[19:05] Like I felt like I had seen the movie when it was over.

S1

[19:08] But this time, like –

[19:08] You guys should have a podcast where you criticize each other.

[19:12] I think that's this podcast.

[19:14] It's basically this podcast.

[19:16] What were you thinking last week?

[19:19] I heard your podcast and I didn't care for it.

[19:23] Callers, if you have anything you want to add.

[19:25] There's no callers.

[19:27] Really?

Dan McCoy

[19:27] If I wasn't on that podcast, I wouldn't listen to the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[19:31] But there's like – there's a scene.

[19:33] There's a fight in a kitchen on a train.

[19:36] There's a shootout in a boat construction building.

[19:39] In Brooklyn.

[19:40] In Brooklyn.

[19:41] It's a – Brooklyn – I assume it's supposed to be like the Brooklyn Naval Yards.

[19:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:45] But that got turned into a movie studio, I thought.

[19:47] That's it.

[19:48] I don't know.

[19:48] But somewhere – they're down in Dumbo.

[19:51] Afterwards, they shop for some art.

[19:53] It was a whole day.

[19:54] Mexican food.

[19:55] Mm-hmm.

[19:56] Set up a studio space.

[19:57] Yeah.

[19:58] They went and saw a screening of Sandman.

[20:01] Sorry.

[20:01] That was something that Elliot and I did in Dumbo once.

[20:03] That's a reference to one thing that happened.

Elliott Kalan

[20:06] Like as if that's always going on in Dumbo.

[20:09] That they're showing the movie our friend Eric was in.

[20:11] Yep.

[20:13] As if the audience is going to be like, oh, right.

[20:15] Always watching Sandman in Dumbo.

[20:18] No.

Dan McCoy

[20:19] As I said while we're watching the movie, it's – the movie is charade with explosions.

[20:23] It's – you know.

[20:23] Yeah.

[20:23] There's a woman who –

S1

[20:26] Unlike any other movie.

Dan McCoy

[20:27] There's a woman who – there's a – this guy says that he's a secret agent and she is not sure whether to trust him and think that he's like a good guy or he might just be a paranoid crazy person who's killing a bunch of people.

Elliott Kalan

[20:40] Yeah.

[20:41] And they are being chased and they have adventures.

[20:44] And I will say about her, she is the – maybe the dumbest lead female character I've seen in a movie in a long time.

[20:51] She's eager to believe whatever anyone tells her a moment ago.

[20:55] She runs right into gun – hails of gunfire.

[20:58] Yeah.

[20:58] She does a lot of flailing of the arms.

[21:00] A lot of running around with her arms flailing like olive oil.

S1

[21:03] That's what – that's what personally I love about it.

[21:07] I love it that they took convention and turned it on its ear and said, you know what?

[21:13] The convention of what?

[21:14] The competent woman?

[21:16] The convention of your typical character who's being dragged along in somebody else's adventure.

[21:24] That she, rather than be skeptical of it, has a positive attitude.

[21:29] Just goes with it all the time.

[21:30] Is like, sure.

[21:32] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[21:32] You've drugged me like five times.

[21:35] Well, you did say – this is the same movie that while we were watching it, Wyatt, you referred to as a defensive date rape.

S1

[21:40] It kind of – the amount of times she gets drugged.

[21:43] It does seem like – because she gets drugged and then every time she gets drugged, it like goes to white and then she like wakes up and she's in a hotel and then kind of falls asleep again.

[21:54] And then she's in a hammock on the beach.

[21:56] And it seems like if anybody were trying to make any sort of ad campaign for the benefits of roofies, it's like if you sold roofies to people like this –

[22:10] This is the way you would do it.

[22:11] This is – well, this is –

[22:12] Roofies.

[22:13] If every time –

[22:13] You never know where you're going to wake up.

[22:15] Exactly.

[22:16] Yeah.

[22:16] People would probably be less inclined to put napkins or coasters on top of their drinks when they go out to smoke cigarettes.

[22:22] Wow.

[22:22] That impenetrable force field.

[22:23] Well, but what –

[22:25] Of a napkin or a coaster.

[22:27] Well, it's foolproof.

[22:28] It's foolproof.

[22:29] It's really more of a courtesy.

Dan McCoy

[22:31] They put a little hair on top of the napkin that they put on the thing.

[22:35] So they know if it's been tampered, yeah.

[22:36] But what you forget, Wyatt, is at the end of the movie, Cameron Diaz, Roofie's Tom Cruise and then changes his clothes.

[22:45] If a woman does it to a man too, then it's okay.

[22:48] Like it's –

Elliott Kalan

[22:48] It's not just that she's roofie but that she's roofie and then wakes up in a bikini.

[22:51] Mm-hmm.

S1

[22:52] Right.

[22:53] Well, yeah.

[22:53] But she had been roofied a few times before that too.

[22:55] Before that, yeah.

[22:56] It wasn't the first time.

Dan McCoy

[22:56] What's roofie for the goose is roofie for the ganners, what this movie is saying.

Elliott Kalan

[23:00] I guess what I'm saying is roofie me once, shame on you.

[23:03] Roofie me twice, shame on me.

[23:05] Roofie me three times, night and day.

Dan McCoy

[23:08] Yes.

[23:09] Yeah.

S1

[23:09] The old saying.

[23:11] The Flophouse tonight is brought to you by Jack's roofies.

[23:13] Thinking about roofie and that special someone that you just met five minutes ago?

[23:19] Go with Jack's roofies.

Elliott Kalan

[23:21] I'm Jack of Jack's roofies and I don't just sell roofies.

[23:24] I use them too.

[23:26] Hey, Jack.

[23:27] I bought you – oh, I'm feeling so sleepy.

[23:29] Another successful roofie from Jack's roofies.

[23:32] Jack's roofies.

S1

[23:34] Doop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Dan McCoy

[23:36] Reminds me of the –

[23:38] This show is so rarely good to do an improv bit.

[23:40] That's what you get with a professional comedian.

S1

[23:44] That's exactly what I was going to say.

[23:45] Was I not supposed to bring my keyboard?

[23:48] And my pool floats that we were – my pool noodles that we were going to –

[23:52] No, we've got a lot of things we can pretend those pool noodles are.

Elliott Kalan

[23:55] Yeah, that's right.

[23:56] Let's who's line this thing.

[23:58] Who's line?

[23:58] There's always like, it's time for wacky props.

[24:00] Who knows what prop we're going to bring out?

[24:02] It's going to be a pool noodle.

[24:03] It's always a pool noodle.

[24:06] You just stop buying props.

Dan McCoy

[24:11] It's also like, oh, I have no idea what this is.

[24:14] No one's familiar with a pool noodle.

[24:16] I guess I'm going to float around on this.

S1

[24:19] For the people who were watching that in the emergency room of a hospital at 2 in the morning,

[24:25] chances are they probably don't know what a pool noodle is.

Dan McCoy

[24:31] I love this world that's been constructed where that's the main –

[24:34] That's like the Nielsen studies.

[24:37] It's like, oh, people who watch Who's Line are all in a recovery room in a hospital.

S1

[24:40] Yeah, they're all like, oh, I've got to get this G.I. Joe figure out of my ear.

[24:45] Why'd my kid do this to me?

[24:47] Oh.

S4

[24:49] And then some kid who's like, you're not my real daddy.

[24:52] And then he's like, get this G.I. Joe figure out of my ear.

[24:55] I hate you.

[24:57] I wish my real daddy was here.

[24:59] I wish I –

[25:00] It's elaborate.

[25:01] I don't even –

Elliott Kalan

[25:02] And they just –

[25:02] It sounds like they don't even notice that Whose Line Is It Anyway is on the TV.

S1

[25:07] We hate each other.

[25:09] But wait, we both love this.

[25:11] What is he holding?

Dan McCoy

[25:13] We both love short form improv games.

S4

[25:16] Hey, isn't that Drew Cary from The Drew Cary Show?

[25:20] The Rider Cleveland.

S1

[25:22] That voice is really creeping me out.

[25:25] It's a little kid who had a smoking problem as a fetus and then got one of those voice modulators by about seven or eight.

[25:34] Yeah.

[25:35] Yeah.

[25:35] Some voice work.

[25:37] Yeah.

[25:38] Anyhoo, so night and day.

[25:40] I can do my voiceover sizzle reel while we're doing this too, right?

[25:45] Yeah.

[25:46] Just a lot of different sizzle reels we put together tonight.

Dan McCoy

[25:50] That's why you came here tonight.

[25:52] Actually, you accidentally taped over your voiceover reel.

[25:54] You're like, it should just be cheaper to do this podcast.

[25:56] Yeah, exactly.

[25:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[25:58] I'm White Snack.

[25:59] Here are my profiles.

[26:03] I guess what I'm saying about this movie is it's a pretty kind of boilerplate movie.

[26:07] It's not a terrible movie, but it's not a very good movie.

[26:10] Yeah.

[26:11] It does have a scene where they're chased by CGI bulls through the streets of Spain.

[26:15] Jumanji!

[26:16] Just like Jumanji.

[26:17] And a motorcycle on a bridge.

[26:20] Just like Lethal Weapon 4.

[26:22] And what other scenes are there in it?

[26:25] The ending is basically the same ending as Repo Man.

S1

[26:28] There was the scene where he's on top of the car and they go through the tunnel.

[26:33] Oh, and the car flips over over them?

[26:35] The car flips over them, kind of like in Mission Impossible.

[26:37] Mm-hmm.

[26:38] When the thing exploded over them.

Dan McCoy

[26:41] He does the Mission Impossible 3 run at the end.

[26:45] You mean with his arms are real stiff?

[26:47] He's a robot arm.

S1

[26:49] What's great is if you ever find this way.

Elliott Kalan

[26:51] I wish that while he was running through that, he was just saying to himself,

[26:54] I am a running robot.

[26:55] I am a running robot.

[26:57] He does look like someone who's never seen that person run before.

S1

[27:01] That's if you ever find yourself in Santa Monica, California.

[27:05] At the right time of day, you can see him running the beach just like that.

[27:10] And people leave him alone because they think,

[27:13] Oh my God, that guy has to go save something.

Dan McCoy

[27:17] But if you see him, make a wish.

[27:19] Because that wish will come true.

[27:21] Really?

[27:21] Is that how it works?

[27:22] That's the legend of Santa Monica.

[27:24] That's how it goes.

Elliott Kalan

[27:26] The legend of Bagger Vance of Santa Monica.

Dan McCoy

[27:28] That's how I won my wife.

[27:31] I saw Tom Cruise running and I made a wish.

[27:34] And now she's mine forever.

[27:35] Really?

[27:36] Yeah.

[27:36] Interesting.

[27:37] Romantic.

[27:40] Although a little weird that you won her.

[27:42] Yeah.

[27:43] Usually you like.

[27:44] What was the contest?

[27:45] It was sponsored by the.

Elliott Kalan

[27:46] Well, Batman.

[27:48] Win a wife.

Dan McCoy

[27:51] First one who spots Tom Cruise wins.

[27:54] Well, my crime fighting has really, has prevented me from dating like a normal person.

S1

[27:59] He also had an iPod touch that gave him information and he could use it to open car doors.

Elliott Kalan

[28:05] Yeah.

[28:06] Well, he had an, and it would show him, his iPhone would show him the earth, then zoom in on a house, and then show him inside of the house.

S1

[28:17] Yeah.

[28:18] And inside that house, his parents doing it nonstop.

[28:23] All the time.

[28:23] Like jackrabbits.

[28:24] Because they think their kid is dead.

[28:27] So there's nothing to stop them from doing it.

[28:30] Because they don't have to worry about their kid showing up.

Dan McCoy

[28:33] That's what happens after a child dies.

[28:35] Nonstop fuckfest.

Elliott Kalan

[28:36] I saw Don't Look Back.

[28:38] Or Don't Look Now.

[28:39] That's true.

[28:40] The movie with Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie.

Dan McCoy

[28:42] That's exactly what happens.

[28:43] Someone should warn his parents that they're going to get killed by a tiny, like a dwarf in a red raincoat.

[28:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:49] Well, only if they go to Venice.

[28:50] Yeah.

[28:52] Spoilers.

[28:52] Beach.

[28:52] Spoilers, by the way.

[28:55] Yeah, there's, and Peter Sarsgaard is in it.

[28:59] He is.

[29:01] Paul Dano.

[29:03] Viola Davis.

[29:04] Viola Davis.

[29:05] Is doing almost nothing.

[29:06] He has the thankless role of the Carmen Sandiego chief who runs the spy agency and just tells exposition to people, but as emotionlessly as possible.

S1

[29:17] It's a good gig.

[29:19] You know.

[29:20] A gig I'm available for.

[29:23] My name is Wyatt Snack.

[29:24] I'm represented by UTA.

[29:28] More voices.

[29:31] That's my voice.

[29:33] This is.

[29:34] Not very different.

[29:35] This is.

[29:36] The combination of the two voices from before.

[29:37] I only have three voices.

Dan McCoy

[29:41] There's voice A, voice B, and voice A-B.

S1

[29:46] But what I give you is variety.

[29:50] You don't.

[29:51] You don't at all.

[29:52] There's only three voices.

[29:54] How many voices can you do?

[29:56] Dan, how many voices can you do?

[29:59] Well, you can do Michael Caine.

Dan McCoy

[30:00] I do have Michael Caine.

[30:01] Hold on.

[30:02] Hold on.

[30:04] So when I was making Jaws the Revenge, the first thing I said when I saw the script was,

[30:09] this is a great script.

[30:11] And that was without looking at the script.

[30:13] It was literally when I saw the script.

[30:15] That's all I could say.

[30:15] So that's his Michael Caine.

S1

[30:16] I did the same thing when I made Leonard Part 6.

Dan McCoy

[30:21] Oh my God.

[30:21] Such big stars are in the studio tonight.

[30:24] It's a round table of common impressions.

Elliott Kalan

[30:27] Oh, oh, Faith and Begora.

[30:29] I'm just a generic Irishman of some kind.

[30:32] Chief O'Hara from Batman.

[30:33] That's me.

[30:34] Oh, nothing to see here.

[30:36] Move along.

Dan McCoy

[30:36] I think along with Jax Rufy, Batman sponsored this episode.

Elliott Kalan

[30:45] Well, I guess what we ultimately the message of Night and Day was, there's not a lot to

[30:49] talk about when it comes to the movie Night and Day.

S1

[30:52] There were Uzis.

[30:53] There were a lot of weapons.

[30:54] A lot of sunglasses, too.

[30:55] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:56] This was a movie that was like basically a movie about guns and sunglasses and cars.

[31:01] Gun glasses.

[31:02] And gun glasses.

[31:04] And sun cars.

[31:05] And sun cars.

[31:06] To keep the glare out of your gun's eyes.

[31:10] But everyone's always wearing sunglasses, putting on new pairs of sunglasses.

S1

[31:14] But specifically Tom Cruise.

[31:16] Yeah.

[31:16] There are moments where he does something crazy, like jumps on top of a car and there's

[31:22] like gunfire and a crash and then he disappears for like five minutes and he comes back with

[31:29] new sunglasses on.

Elliott Kalan

[31:30] He's a guy on the run who is constantly, who brought like 13 pairs of sunglasses with him.

S1

[31:35] Well, he had to bring the essentials.

[31:36] And when it came to essentials, there are certain things you need.

[31:40] Sunglasses.

[31:40] You know you need a clean pair of underpants.

[31:43] You need a gun.

[31:44] You need a few different passports with all of your aliases.

[31:48] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[31:48] And you need like 13 to 14 pairs of sunglasses.

[31:50] And a tiny figurine of a knight that you can hide a super battery in.

Dan McCoy

[31:53] And a bikini you can change someone into.

Elliott Kalan

[31:56] Yeah.

[31:57] That means he had a bikini on hand.

Dan McCoy

[31:59] Unless we just didn't see the scene where he was shopping for it.

[32:01] That would be great if she was drugged throughout like this whole scene where you're like, okay,

[32:06] I got to measure her.

[32:08] He took her in to the shop and the shopkeeper was like, I don't know if I feel comfortable

[32:13] with measuring her.

Elliott Kalan

[32:13] He's in the fitting room just kind of trying to pull the bikinis on her.

[32:16] This doesn't fit.

S1

[32:18] He puts her in a wheelchair and he's like, yeah, she's in a weird, like, her brain is active,

[32:25] but it's a weird, like.

Dan McCoy

[32:27] She still likes to look pretty, though, so if you, you know, if you can help her out.

S1

[32:31] Oh, my wife.

Dan McCoy

[32:33] My wife.

S1

[32:34] Oh, my poor brain dead wife.

[32:36] Who loves to be wearing bikini.

[32:37] Women be shopping, am I right?

[32:40] Brain dead or no.

[32:42] They love it.

[32:43] If you're brain dead and you're listening to this podcast, please write us.

[32:48] For the I'm brain dead contest.

[32:51] It wasn't a contest.

[32:52] It was just to sort of get the brain dead people involved.

Dan McCoy

[32:55] I appreciate that.

[32:56] Yeah, you know.

[32:57] He was hoping that if we stimulated them by asking them to write, then that would be a cure.

Elliott Kalan

[33:01] Here's something the movie fooled me with.

[33:04] Tom Cruise says, we're going to do this and I'm going to get you home in time for your sister's wedding.

[33:09] And I was like, oh, so the movie's going to end when they get back to the sister's wedding.

[33:12] Yeah.

[33:13] Nope.

[33:14] He gets her back to the wedding and then there's a whole other act that comes after that.

[33:18] And I felt like there's the story when William Goldman wrote about Big Lebowski where he's like,

[33:23] they keep talking about this bowling competition that's coming up.

[33:26] And he was looking at Big Lebowski as being written like a normal screenplay.

[33:29] He's like, oh man, I can't wait till this big bowling competition.

[33:32] Like this is when the movie's going to tie everything together, the bowling competition.

[33:35] And of course there is no bowling competition in Big Lebowski.

[33:38] Like it's the least important piece of information in the movie.

[33:41] And William Goldman felt taken.

[33:43] Like what?

[33:45] I invested a lot in waiting for this bowling competition.

[33:49] So I kind of felt like that about the wedding, which passes by really fast.

Dan McCoy

[33:52] Yeah.

[33:52] It does.

Elliott Kalan

[33:53] It's not the end of the, it's not like the end beat of the movie.

Dan McCoy

[33:55] So you're saying that this is a brilliant comedy like the Big Lebowski.

Elliott Kalan

[33:58] No, I am not saying that.

[33:59] I think that's what you said.

[34:00] No, it didn't mean it.

[34:01] I'm glad to hear you finally have a positive response.

S1

[34:04] Didn't say it.

[34:04] No, and not at all.

[34:07] Not the truth or the thing.

[34:09] Another moment in the film that stood out for me was a crud.

[34:17] I forgot it.

[34:20] Really stood out.

Elliott Kalan

[34:23] Highlight of the film.

[34:26] Highlights for kids.

[34:27] Oh!

S1

[34:27] Okay, here it is.

Elliott Kalan

[34:32] It's going to come to you any moment now.

S1

[34:34] In the end of the movie, he clears his name.

[34:38] Tom Cruise clears his name because he had been framed.

[34:43] It's never totally clear why the other FBI agent decided to specifically frame him.

Elliott Kalan

[34:50] Well, he knew Peter Sarsgaard, the bad agent, I think knew Tom Cruise was particularly friendly with Paul Dano, the young scientist who had invented the super battery.

[35:00] The Zephyr device.

[35:01] The Zephyr device.

[35:01] So he chose to frame him because then if Tom Cruise escaped with Paul Dano and the battery, which he would do to keep Paul Dano safe, it would look like he was kidnapping him to sell him to the arms dealer.

Dan McCoy

[35:13] He also chose to frame him because he was the super agent.

[35:16] Who was the only one.

Elliott Kalan

[35:19] Who would win the day.

[35:21] Yeah.

[35:21] And the movie ends, I should mention by the way, the battery, it turns out is unstable and is heating up over time.

[35:26] Right.

[35:27] Which means that just as Peter Sarsgaard is escaping with it in a helicopter, it explodes in his hands.

[35:32] It's called timing.

[35:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:34] And Tom Cruise has been carrying this battery around in like a little pouch in his pocket.

[35:39] For days.

[35:39] Up until that point.

[35:40] In a plastic night.

S1

[35:41] Yeah.

[35:42] But the part that stood out for me is after he wins and he clears his name, something that happened right before that was he got shot.

[35:51] And he had to go to the hospital.

[35:54] And when he wakes up, you think he's going to see Cameron Diaz.

[35:59] As her people would pronounce it.

[36:01] But instead he sees Viola Davis.

[36:06] As her people would pronounce it.

[36:08] And she's the, you know, she's the black character in any of these movies, which means she's the police chief.

Elliott Kalan

[36:16] Black actors and actors have risen to such heights of middle authority in movies.

[36:22] They're always the middle managers.

S1

[36:24] Well, especially when it comes to law enforcement.

[36:26] Say, hey, young black kids watching this, you too could be police chief one day.

[36:32] You don't get to go out in the field and do exciting stuff like shoot guns.

[36:37] You get to glare disapproving.

[36:39] You get to yell at people and threaten to take their badges.

[36:43] That's power.

[36:45] Black power.

[36:46] And if you're lucky, you'll die three days before your retirement.

[36:50] Keep your eyes on the prize.

[36:53] But he wakes up.

[36:56] She's in the hospital.

[36:57] And she's like, congratulations.

[37:00] Your name has been cleared.

[37:02] And then she says to him, like, well, you know, we got to get you back into the office as soon as you heal up.

[37:10] Which seems like, oh, wow, my name's been cleared.

[37:14] I get to go back to work and be an agent again.

[37:16] And then she leaves.

[37:18] And then he's sitting there staring at the ceiling.

[37:22] And a nurse.

[37:23] For like half a day.

[37:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:25] What else are you going to do in the hospital?

[37:26] Until the sun goes down.

[37:28] Watch whose line is it anyway.

[37:29] That's the day.

[37:30] It's now the night.

[37:31] Oh, Michael Knight.

S1

[37:33] But a nurse brings him a little shot of something.

[37:38] Just a jigger of medicine.

[37:39] Yeah.

[37:40] He drinks it.

[37:41] And he's like, what's going on?

[37:43] And he's about to black out.

[37:45] And the nurse is Cameron Diaz.

[37:48] And she's like, I'm here to save you.

[37:52] I know you don't want to go back to that job that you really like.

[37:56] And you're great at.

[37:57] That you were probably trying to clear your name so you could go back to.

[38:01] I'm going to kidnap you.

[38:03] And you're going to live with me.

[38:05] Sexy misery style.

Dan McCoy

[38:07] See, this is another voice he can do.

[38:09] He can do Cameron Diaz.

[38:10] That's true.

[38:10] It's a great Cameron Diaz impression.

[38:11] Cameron Diaz.

[38:13] For the next Shrek film.

[38:14] They can just kill Wyatt.

[38:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:16] Shrek the ninth.

[38:17] Yep.

[38:18] For Shrek babies.

[38:20] Little Shrecken.

S4

[38:22] Hey, I'm a little ugly troll man.

Elliott Kalan

[38:25] No.

[38:26] But then I'm a little man.

[38:27] Not to do the voice of Shrek.

[38:29] I'm all handsome.

[38:30] No.

[38:30] But then I go back to ugly.

Dan McCoy

[38:31] You can do all the voices.

[38:32] You can do all the voices, Elliot.

[38:34] That's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[38:34] I think what it is is that Wyatt needs to do a one-man show of Shrek.

[38:38] I'm a donkey.

[38:42] And I am Puss and Boots.

[38:44] The characters just state who they are.

[38:47] That's the whole show.

S1

[38:48] And this is Shrek.

[38:52] End scene.

[38:53] Cody Awards.

Elliott Kalan

[38:54] So Cameron Diaz kidnaps him and takes him away from the thing he wanted.

S1

[38:58] Presumably.

[39:01] It's a movie where people make a lot of assumptions.

[39:04] Yes.

[39:04] And there's a certain arrogance to their assumptions.

[39:07] Here's the best place to hide a battery.

[39:09] In a statue.

[39:11] That is my name.

[39:13] And then, oh, you know what?

[39:15] This guy that I've spent like a week and a half getting to know.

[39:19] He must be crazy about me.

[39:22] Crazier than he was about his high-paying job.

[39:25] That he's been doing for 20 years.

[39:27] Yeah.

[39:27] That allows him to give his pension to his family.

[39:31] Not pension.

[39:31] Just sweepstakes winnings.

[39:33] It's his pension in the form of sweepstakes winnings.

[39:35] Oh, okay.

[39:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:36] Well, there's also like a lot, like a weird number of things that happen in this life or

[39:41] death, like gunplay, like spy game.

[39:44] A lot of the things that happen are motivated by people's hurt feelings.

[39:48] Yes.

[39:48] There's a scene early on where like Tom Cruise gets really hurt that Cameron Diaz would be

[39:58] at all interested in going away from him.

[40:02] You know, like this crazy person who has kidnapped him.

[40:05] And then like he's like slamming the trunk on his car.

[40:08] And then like Cameron Diaz then feels sad that she's made Tom Cruise this crazy person who

[40:13] kidnapped him.

[40:14] Like feel bad.

[40:15] And so then she goes along with him and I'm like, really, really, that's, you know, oh,

[40:18] I'm going to keep going with my kidnapper because I insulted him.

Elliott Kalan

[40:21] And later Cameron Diaz turns Tom Cruise in because she overhears, she follows him and sees him

[40:27] at a rendezvous with a woman and overhears him saying, oh, that woman's nothing.

[40:31] She's a nobody.

[40:32] And that hurts her feelings.

[40:33] Like it's not very good.

Dan McCoy

[40:35] She doesn't think like, oh, maybe I'm being protected by him.

[40:38] Yeah.

S1

[40:38] No, she goes to prove that she's not a nobody.

[40:42] She's a stoolie.

[40:43] She goes, I'll show him.

[40:44] She's a snitch.

[40:45] I'll rat him out.

[40:46] Yeah.

[40:46] I'm not.

[40:46] She'll get stitches for it.

Elliott Kalan

[40:48] I will mention also that Tom Cruise's name is cleared the same way that they clear Tango

[40:52] and Cash's name in Tango and Cash, which is by blowing up the bad guy and the evidence.

S1

[40:57] Well, and also there's, he has a private island and there's a plane that is shooting out his

[41:05] private island.

[41:06] Yeah.

[41:07] It's a tiny island.

[41:08] And then he gets in a helicopter and he drugs Cameron Diaz before they fly off the island.

[41:17] So then she blacks out, as do we.

[41:20] And then when we wake up, we're all in a hotel.

[41:24] And what I love about that and why I love this movie is I don't need to see the crazy

[41:29] CGI fight between a plane that has super guns and a little whirly bird.

[41:36] I don't want to see that.

[41:37] I don't want to see how he got off the island.

[41:40] Nope.

[41:40] No.

[41:41] What I want to see is what kind of thread count is on those sheets.

Elliott Kalan

[41:46] You want to see Cameron Diaz taking a bath and setting up the glasses for the champagne.

[41:51] She's going to have a Tom Cruise later.

S1

[41:53] Although actually I think after she blacked out, this time she woke up on a train.

Elliott Kalan

[41:56] Oh, maybe that was it.

[41:57] In which case you get to see her dramatically order breakfast in the dining car.

S1

[42:01] Yes.

[42:01] Which you might think, again, okay, this movie seems to be promoting the roofie lifestyle,

[42:08] but waking up on a train, that, like, I'm sure there's a lot of roofie action where you

[42:13] do wake up on a train, but it's like a subway train.

[42:16] This is a classy train.

[42:17] This is the Orient Express.

[42:18] It's the one that goes to Hogwarts.

[42:20] Yeah.

[42:21] Wow.

[42:22] Yeah.

[42:23] You didn't notice in the background, Rupert Grint walked by.

[42:27] Gave a wink.

[42:28] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[42:31] I'm going to be a wizard.

[42:33] There's a lot of scenes that get gapped out of Tom Cruise checking into a hotel room with

[42:38] a sleeping woman on his shoulder or bringing her onto a train.

[42:44] You just have to assume that they exist in a world where it's commonplace for a man to

[42:47] drag a woman around.

S1

[42:49] It's a caveman world where everybody date rapes.

Elliott Kalan

[42:53] There should be a crawl meeting that says, it is the year 2125.

[42:58] Date rape has been legalized.

[42:59] And now your film, Night and Day.

S1

[43:03] All right.

[43:03] Night and day trade.

[43:06] Oh, Mr. Miller.

[43:08] I see you got another lady with you.

[43:11] Slipped her roofie, as we all do in the future where it's legal and accepted.

[43:15] That doesn't look like your wife, Mr. Miller.

[43:17] It's not.

[43:18] Thanks to Jack's roofies.

[43:22] Should we give our final judgments?

Dan McCoy

[43:23] Yeah, no, we've let this run a little long, which is good.

[43:27] But we should.

S1

[43:27] Well, it gives everyone time to finish the contest.

Dan McCoy

[43:29] Yeah.

[43:30] But we should wrap this up.

[43:32] And we wrap it up with final judgments, where we say whether this is a good bad movie, a

[43:36] bad bad movie, or a movie that we actually kind of liked.

[43:40] And Elliot, I'm going to let you start off.

[43:42] Of those three, what will you say?

Elliott Kalan

[43:43] I'm going to surprise the listening public by saying this was a movie I actually kind of

[43:48] liked a little bit.

[43:49] Yeah.

[43:49] It's pretty stupid and not particularly good, but it like, some of the action scenes are

[43:55] kind of fun and there are a few jokes that are okay.

[43:57] And overall, it's just kind of a light, dumb adventure movie.

[44:01] Yeah.

[44:01] As opposed to what we usually watch, which is torture.

[44:05] So.

Dan McCoy

[44:05] No, I'm going to agree with you.

[44:06] I'm going to say I kind of liked it.

[44:08] I think if, I think maybe if Cameron Diaz wasn't in the role, it might have been a little

[44:14] bit better.

Elliott Kalan

[44:15] I think it had the, it had the potential to be a very good movie if it had been cast

[44:20] differently and kind of written and shot a little differently.

[44:23] But the concept.

Dan McCoy

[44:24] The 20 minutes were cut and it went through another screenplay pass maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[44:28] Surprisingly, the concept of an ordinary person caught up in spy hijinks is not a bad concept

[44:33] for a movie.

[44:34] Spy jinx.

[44:34] Spy jinx, if you will.

S1

[44:36] Which, I copyrighted.

[44:38] I'm working on this script.

[44:39] Spy jinx.

[44:39] Why, what do you say?

[44:40] What do you?

[44:42] I would say that this movie was Murph Goldman's Citizen Kane.

[44:48] Murph?

[44:48] Is that his first name?

[44:50] I don't remember.

[44:51] And his last name was Mangold.

Elliott Kalan

[44:55] I'm sure Murph Goldman, whoever he is, is very happy to hear that.

[45:01] And I'm sure he'll cast you in his next film.

Dan McCoy

[45:04] If Murph Goldman is listening, if we have a listener named Murph Goldman, please write

[45:09] and you will win one of our vague contests.

[45:13] Yeah.

S1

[45:14] I'm Murph Goldman.

[45:15] The Irish Jewishman.

[45:19] Jewishman.

Elliott Kalan

[45:23] It's your old pal, Murph Goldman.

S1

[45:28] So you liked it.

[45:30] I plan to make you guys watch it again.

[45:33] Nope.

[45:34] Right now.

[45:35] Nope.

[45:36] It's still on the TV.

[45:38] And if you want to come watch it with us, come on down right now.

[45:42] Join us in the Screenatron 8000 where we screen all these movies.

[45:49] It's all been catered by Jax Roofies and Svetka Vodka.

Elliott Kalan

[45:57] The only vodka that robots drink.

S1

[46:01] Because robots can't get roofied.

[46:07] Svetka Vodka.

[46:09] If you guys receive a bottle of Svetka Vodka or some sort of sponsorship.

[46:14] Or Roofies.

[46:16] Yeah.

[46:16] By either Jax Roofies.

[46:17] We receive Roofies.

[46:18] We won't know it.

[46:19] If you receive a sponsorship by either Jax Roofies or Svetka Vodka, I expect A, to be

[46:27] invited back, thanked on air.

[46:30] Yeah.

[46:31] I don't think that's going to happen.

Elliott Kalan

[46:33] You never know.

S1

[46:35] New contest.

[46:36] If you work for Svetka Vodka.

[46:39] Send us vodka.

[46:41] And perhaps you work in marketing and are looking for something to brand your vodka or the other

[46:48] way around.

[46:48] You know what the hell I'm talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[46:50] If you're personal friends with that robot that has a woman's face and a weirdly human

[46:56] butt in the commercials.

[46:58] That was the silver guy robot.

[47:00] Yeah.

[47:00] It's weird.

[47:02] I will say one thing I did like about Night and Day was actually a lot of Tom Cruise's

[47:06] performance.

[47:07] No.

[47:07] It was actually really good.

[47:08] Because it seemed like he was playing a kind of cartoony version of Tom Cruise.

[47:12] Yeah.

[47:12] Which was nice.

[47:14] He was not playing a – it wasn't like Tropic Thunder where everyone was like, oh, Tom

[47:17] Cruise is amazing.

[47:18] And it was like, this is not a good performance.

[47:20] This is a really stupid –

[47:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:21] He was doing a joke version of his persona.

[47:23] Yeah.

[47:24] And that was kind of fun.

S1

[47:24] I thought he was kind of like the Tom Cruise in Magnolia.

[47:28] Yeah.

[47:28] Because he was very positive about everything.

Elliott Kalan

[47:29] I mean the Tom Cruise in Magnolia was a horrible person.

S1

[47:33] Yeah.

[47:34] So is a guy who has a body count of over 58 people in one movie.

[47:39] I counted.

[47:40] How does he sleep at night with all those bodies?

[47:42] There are ghosts that are –

[47:43] He roofies himself.

[47:46] Yeah.

[47:47] That's the only way you can.

[47:48] And then he takes a sip and then he goes, down I go.

[47:51] And then falls asleep.

[47:52] That would be great in a spy movie if you see the spy like – you see a lot of death

[47:58] in this line of work.

[47:59] That's why I drink.

[48:00] That doesn't look like whiskey.

[48:02] It's roofies.

[48:04] It's how I fall asleep.

[48:05] Lick the roofies.

[48:06] If I'm going to get any sleep tonight, it's by roofing myself.

[48:10] So don't touch my butt.

[48:12] Glug, glug, glug.

[48:13] Who is he talking to?

[48:15] Himself and a man.

[48:16] Whoever he's on the run with.

[48:19] He's like –

[48:20] Touch anything you want.

[48:21] Just stay away from the exit door.

[48:22] Exit through the gift shop if you know what I mean.

[48:27] Stay away from my Banksy.

Dan McCoy

[48:30] Okay.

[48:30] So very quickly.

[48:31] What are we doing now?

[48:32] Our final segment.

[48:34] Just if there's a movie that we've seen recently that we would recommend, although we all kind

[48:41] of liked this film, but I don't think we would say like run out and watch it.

[48:44] I wouldn't recommend it.

[48:45] If it was on TV maybe.

[48:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[48:47] If you're sick and it's on TV and Whose Line Is Anyway is a rerun, then I would say

[48:52] night and day is a fine way to spend an hour and 50 minutes.

Dan McCoy

[48:55] While you're prying that army man from your ear, night and day.

[49:01] He deserved it.

[49:03] But no.

[49:03] If there's a movie that we saw recently that we really actually wanted to recommend straight

[49:07] up, this is the time for recommendations.

[49:10] Elliot, do you have one?

Elliott Kalan

[49:11] I do.

[49:12] I'll try to keep it quick.

[49:13] This is a movie I saw – I actually just finished watching yesterday.

[49:17] It's a Japanese movie from 1959 called Tokaido Yatsuya Kaidan or The Yatsuya Ghost or The Ghost

[49:24] of Yatsuya or something like that.

[49:26] And it's a really good ghost revenge movie.

[49:30] I didn't know while I was watching it, but it's apparently an adaptation of the most famous

[49:34] ghost revenge story in Japanese drama.

[49:37] There have been about 30 different movies of it.

[49:38] This is the one from 1959 though and there's a lot of good like – it's in color and

[49:44] it's this really nice like vivid color.

[49:46] There's a lot of good like spooky moments in it.

[49:49] The ghost is very ghosty, but there's a lot of blood for a movie from 1959.

[49:54] And it's just a good samurai ghost movie, you know.

[49:58] So if you're looking for one of those –

[50:00] If you're looking for a samurai ghost movie and I don't know why you wouldn't be –

[50:03] No.

[50:04] Then the 1959 version of Tokaido Yatsuya Kaidan is one I recommend.

Dan McCoy

[50:10] I haven't seen a lot recently, but I watched the movie The Last Exorcism, which I enjoyed

[50:16] a fair amount.

[50:18] It kind of falls apart a little bit at the end, but there have been like a spate of sort

[50:24] of fake documentary horror movies.

[50:27] Yeah, too many.

[50:29] But a lot of them lean on the whole sort of like found footage thing, which works well.

[50:33] I feel like the beginning of the movie doesn't make that much sense as the movie continues.

[50:38] That's what I felt when I was watching The Bear Wenge Project.

[50:40] Sure.

[50:42] But this movie is about – this movie is like more of a traditional documentary style.

[50:47] It's not being sold as a found footage.

[50:49] It's like this guy who is an exorcist who has lost his faith and wants to expose exorcism

[50:57] as a scam.

[50:58] And these are like sick children who need help.

[51:01] And so he really wants these people to come along and be filming him.

[51:06] But then he encounters obviously something that cannot be explained in his cynical worldview,

[51:13] an actual – some sort of actual demon possession.

[51:16] And it was pretty good for most of it.

[51:18] I liked it.

S1

[51:21] Teen witch.

[51:24] Teen witch.

[51:26] Teen witch.

Elliott Kalan

[51:27] It's a teenage sandwich.

S1

[51:29] It's a sandwich made of teenagers.

[51:31] It's like human centipede, but for teenagers.

[51:34] Disney made it.

[51:36] Demi Lovato's in it.

Elliott Kalan

[51:37] It's a German scientist going, I'm going to make you into a teen witch.

[51:43] And he's just being – just having them lie down between pieces of bread.

S1

[51:48] Zac Efron, you are going to be the meat of my teen witch.

[51:53] Oh, no.

[51:53] And Raven Simone, you're the pickle.

[51:59] So teen witch.

[52:00] Teen witch.

[52:02] Other than that, you were talking about found footage.

[52:06] I will – a movie that I like that's kind of a found footage movie, but it's not a horror movie.

[52:14] And I'm biased because they are coworkers, but it's also a very good movie.

[52:18] It's Cooper's Camera that Jason Jones co-wrote and Jason and Samantha Bee star in it.

[52:26] And it's kind of like a found footage National Lampoon's Christmas vacation.

[52:33] And I really liked it.

[52:36] It takes place in the near distant past.

[52:46] So like what, medieval times?

[52:48] The 18th century?

[52:51] Let's go to the 80s.

[52:53] But for Christmas, family gets a video camera.

[52:57] And then we kind of follow the story through the eyes of the video camera that's being used by the kid in the family.

[53:08] And I thought it was very well done.

[53:11] It was a lot of fun.

[53:14] Dave Foley, news radios, Dave Foley.

[53:18] Kids in the Hall.

[53:19] Celebrity Poker.

[53:20] Yes.

[53:21] He's in it and very funny.

[53:24] Like I said, Jason, Sam, both great.

[53:27] Sam was pregnant at the time.

[53:29] So technically their baby, Fletcher, was also in this movie, although he's uncredited.

Dan McCoy

[53:35] Probably breaking a lot of child labor laws.

S1

[53:37] Definitely.

[53:38] Definitely a lot of child labor laws being broken.

[53:42] Yeah.

[53:42] Mike Beaver is who co-wrote it with Jason.

[53:45] I haven't seen that one.

Elliott Kalan

[53:46] I saw another movie that Jason and Mike Beaver made called Ham and Cheese that I like.

[53:50] Okay.

[53:50] Where they're two struggling actors.

[53:52] Okay.

[53:53] It's about a teen witch.

[53:54] It's about – there's a scene in it where Jason's character has one line in a cop TV show where he's supposed to pick up a phone and say,

[54:03] it's for you, and hand it to the lead detective.

[54:05] And he so irritates the other people on set that they rewrite it so it's just the lead detective picking up the phone herself.

[54:12] But I'll have to check that one out.

[54:14] Yeah.

[54:14] Check it out.

[54:15] Cooper's Camera it's called?

S1

[54:16] Cooper's Camera.

[54:16] But it's also known as Cooper's Christmas in America.

[54:20] I think in Canada, because they don't celebrate Christmas.

[54:24] Yeah.

[54:24] They call it Cooper's Camera.

Dan McCoy

[54:26] Cooper's Boxing Day.

[54:28] Yeah.

S1

[54:28] Observed.

[54:29] But check it out.

[54:30] But if you're in the – but if you're more interested in art house type movies, Teen Witch.

[54:36] You're saying it as if it's a horror movie.

Elliott Kalan

[54:39] No.

[54:39] Teen Witch is not a horror movie.

[54:41] Teen Witch.

[54:43] Teen Witch.

[54:45] Now you're saying it as if it's a Metallica song.

[54:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[54:47] Well, this is the demo tape portion of his audition.

S1

[54:53] Perhaps if you're a death metal band and you're looking for an opening act, I do a Bobby McFerrin-like death metal show.

Elliott Kalan

[55:03] It's called –

S1

[55:04] It's called –

Elliott Kalan

[55:08] It's called Don't Worry, Be Scary.

S1

[55:12] It seems like Worry.

[55:15] Don't Scary, Be Happy doesn't make any sense.

[55:18] But Worry.

[55:20] Worry.

[55:22] Be Happy.

[55:23] Don't.

Dan McCoy

[55:24] No.

[55:25] So if you're interested in the acapella metal genre –

[55:28] Metal Pella.

[55:29] Yeah.

[55:30] All right, guys.

[55:31] Well, thank you.

[55:31] Thank you so much for coming and being a guest tonight.

S1

[55:34] Thank you.

[55:34] You're welcome.

[55:35] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[55:36] It was my pleasure.

[55:37] You're welcome, Elliot.

[55:37] Thank you.

[55:39] And Wyatt, thank you, sir, for coming.

S1

[55:41] No, thank you.

[55:42] Let's start watching night and day.

[55:44] No.

[55:44] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[55:45] Well, let's sign off and do that.

[55:46] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[55:48] I am Elliot Kalin Still.

[55:50] And you don't know who I am.

[55:53] I don't know who I am.

[55:53] Yes.

S1

[55:54] Win the contest.

[55:55] Win the contest.

[55:56] You get a free Zagnut bar.

[55:59] Good night, everyone.

Elliott Kalan

[56:13] I don't know why you turned into a cat halfway through this.

S1

[56:18] I don't know the rest of the words.

Dan McCoy

[56:20] Okay.

[56:21] That's what, like, Stuart and I always do.

[56:23] It was like, for some reason, they were always trying to just meow.

S1

[56:27] Yeah.

[56:27] It's easier.

[56:28] Cats are the world's best singers.

[56:31] And best songwriters.

The Flop House: Episode #79 - Knight and Day

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