Exit to Eden

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Exit to Eden.

[0:03] In honor of the Max Fun Drive, I torture my friends with a movie I haven't seen before.

[0:09] Son of a bitch.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:35] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:38] And I'm good-sound Elliot Kalin.

[0:42] And we're all in the same room for Max Fun Drive.

[0:44] Shut up, shut up.

[0:45] We can't talk about that right now.

Dan McCoy

[0:47] It's Max Fun Drive time.

[0:48] Right at the top of the show.

[0:49] I want to say something.

[0:51] Thank you.

[0:52] I do know.

[0:53] Thank you for listening.

Elliott Kalan

[0:54] Shut up, idiots.

[0:55] Let me start.

[0:56] Thank you.

[0:57] From the bottom of our hearts.

[0:58] From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Dan McCoy

[1:00] Max Fun Drive starts this Monday, April 20th.

[1:03] 420.

[1:03] Woo!

[1:04] Charlene's birthday.

[1:05] Woo!

[1:05] Don't get distracted, Dan.

[1:07] Max Fun Drive.

[1:08] It's the time of year when we celebrate you, the listeners.

[1:10] And we also remind you that this show exists because good folk like you tip us for the laughs

[1:15] and insights and heartwarming goo we provide by pledging $5 a month or more.

[1:20] So head to MaximumFun.org slash join to learn more and support The Flophouse.

[1:26] I'll be back with more on that later.

[1:28] But now we can do the niceties.

[1:31] Elliot's here.

[1:32] Yeah.

[1:33] In my apartment.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33] I'm in person in Dan's apartment.

[1:35] It's never looked nicer.

Dan McCoy

[1:37] Oh, thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38] That's a compliment that is very backhanded.

[1:40] Yeah.

[1:40] It implies that your apartment used to look like shit.

[1:43] But now it looks pretty good.

Dan McCoy

[1:45] We're also...

Elliott Kalan

[1:45] It's always been a nice apartment.

Dan McCoy

[1:47] To get the video that we use for our social media stuff.

[1:52] Usually, you know, we're on Zoom because we're recording to Elliot in LA.

[1:55] And now we just have to record ourselves.

[1:59] And so we're looking at a mirror image of ourselves right now all three in a row, which is very disconcerting.

Stuart Wellington

[2:04] That's one of the great things is that in the modern world of podcasting, it's relatively inexpensive and easy to get very professional-looking video.

[2:14] And we staunchly oppose that.

[2:16] Still won't do it.

[2:17] Still won't do it.

[2:17] No, thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[2:18] What is nice, though, is that the image is reversed.

[2:21] So when I look at it, I see Stuart's face instead of my own.

Dan McCoy

[2:23] Or I have to stare right down the barrel of myself because I'm in the middle.

Elliott Kalan

[2:27] What I keep thinking when I look at it is, one of these ghouls will go home with you at the end of the ride.

Dan McCoy

[2:33] Guys, I do therapy via Zoom.

[2:36] Cool.

[2:36] What does this have to do with the return?

[2:38] I have to minimize the window that's me because I don't want to look at myself.

Stuart Wellington

[2:42] Oh, my therapist makes me minimize the image of me.

[2:45] He hides self-view.

Elliott Kalan

[2:47] My therapist makes me maximize the image of me for maximum shame.

Dan McCoy

[2:51] You've got to see your pores.

[2:52] Exactly, yeah.

[2:54] Anyway, we're doing our show.

[2:56] It's called The Flophouse.

[2:57] Oh.

[2:58] What do we do on this show?

[2:59] Well, it's a podcast where we watch movies that were critical or commercial flops.

Elliott Kalan

[3:04] But today you said we're talking about Exit to Eden.

[3:07] Best picture-winning boffo box office.

Stuart Wellington

[3:10] Winner of 1994.

Dan McCoy

[3:13] It's a movie that I have mentioned to two people that we were going to do and both of them had a blank look on their face.

Elliott Kalan

[3:20] Everyone I've talked to about this movie has said, what is that?

[3:22] Which I think is so funny because it is a movie that when it came out, even as a child, I was like, why did they make this movie?

[3:28] When I saw the commercials, it made a huge impression on me.

Dan McCoy

[3:30] It loomed large and bad movie dumb.

Elliott Kalan

[3:32] It introduced me to what I would call 90s erotic soundtrack music, which is when there's drums that are like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

[3:40] And then you hear a flute that goes, ooh.

Stuart Wellington

[3:44] Is that the, my wife and I were watching, my wife and I were watching this movie and when, yeah, I think that.

[3:51] Did it get you guys going?

[3:53] Yeah, totally.

[3:54] And I think that specific music is from an artist named Enigma.

[3:58] Oh, yeah, sure.

[3:59] And Charlene's like, this music was so popular.

Elliott Kalan

[4:02] They play Return to Innocence in it and I know it from the commercials for the Pure Mood CD.

[4:07] Is that the one that goes, hmm?

[4:08] Sadness.

[4:08] Yeah, yeah, it's the one that goes, do, do.

[4:10] It goes, hey, hey, return to innocence.

[4:16] Yeah.

[4:17] So that was a hit song if you were listening to the Pure Mood CD, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:23] Well, let's, let's talk a little bit about.

[4:25] Which also included Tubular Bells from The Exorcist.

[4:27] I think before we get into Exit to Eden, I don't want to like, you know, step on your turf, Stuart,

[4:33] because I know that you're, this is a movie that you chose to inflict upon us for Max Fund Drive.

[4:38] I suppose we should reiterate this.

[4:40] We have been picking movies or we, this is going to be the first one.

[4:43] We have picked movies to torture one another with.

[4:46] This was Stuart's pick, which he had not seen.

[4:49] I had not seen.

[4:49] But this movie has an interesting backstory, too, that maybe we should set up beforehand.

[4:56] I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[4:57] Yeah, well, it, my backstory for picking it, which I think is an important point, is that

[5:03] I hadn't seen it.

[5:04] And when I was a kid, I was like, this looks fascinating.

[5:07] But it also was definitely too adult for, what, 14-year-old Stuart, who was, I was strictly

[5:13] in the PG territory, everybody.

[5:15] You're saying 14.

[5:16] PG-13 would be okay.

[5:17] Not for this guy.

[5:20] And, but then, like, I heard immediately, I heard that it was bad.

[5:24] And I'm like, but I like Rosie O'Donnell and Dan Aykroyd.

Dan McCoy

[5:27] Well, that's the thing.

[5:28] I was, so I'm two years older.

[5:29] So I was 16 when this came out.

[5:31] And I saw it in the theater.

[5:33] Now, you might say, this is an R-rated movie, Dan.

[5:35] Boy, I sure felt bad that I saw it on HBO.

[5:38] You shouldn't have gone to see it in the theater.

[5:40] You were a year too young.

[5:41] Back in those days, no one cared.

[5:43] No one, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:43] Did you go by yourself, just in a trench coat?

[5:45] I believe.

[5:46] Paper bag full of smut with you?

[5:48] Or your parents take you?

[5:49] So, you know, my pal.

[5:50] Your parents were like, we don't want to have to have the talk with you.

[5:53] Oh, good.

[5:53] This movie's coming out.

[5:54] Exit you.

[5:54] Yeah, yeah.

[5:54] This will teach you everything you need to know.

[5:56] We're going to drop you off at the theater.

[5:57] Then we're going to pick you up.

[5:58] We will not look at each other's eyes when we pick you up.

[6:01] And we will never talk about it again.

[6:02] And based on Dan's apparently reported fetishes, this movie actually touches on some of them.

[6:09] Dan's fetishes of incredibly vanilla light taps to the tush?

Dan McCoy

[6:12] Who's been reporting me?

[6:14] Reporting my fetishes?

[6:16] No, I...

[6:16] It's anonymous, but somebody is.

[6:18] If my parents are listening, this will be the first thing they're hearing of me having seen Exit Eden.

[6:23] I believe I saw this, you know, my...

[6:26] On a school trip?

[6:27] My childhood pal, still pal, Rusty Householder.

[6:30] Sure, sure, yeah.

[6:31] You've met him.

[6:32] If he's listening, maybe he can confirm or deny this, but I believe that we saw this together.

[6:37] We went out and we were so...

[6:38] Oh, wow.

Elliott Kalan

[6:38] That's what, like a pact?

[6:40] Like one of these, we're going to do the worst thing we can next?

Dan McCoy

[6:42] I don't know what his reason was.

[6:45] I think that my reason, in addition to liking Dan Aykroyd, was I had a crush on Dana Delaney.

[6:52] Sure, who wouldn't?

Stuart Wellington

[6:53] I also have to point out that this was back in 1994, and entertainment options were far more limited back then.

[6:58] That's true.

[6:59] Pick up your phone and just watch any movie.

Dan McCoy

[7:02] Especially in the middle of Illinois, amongst the cornfields.

[7:06] It was this or nothing.

Stuart Wellington

[7:07] I'm kind of amazed that Exit Eden came to the local theater in Eureka, Illinois.

Dan McCoy

[7:10] Amazing.

[7:11] Oh, there's no theater.

[7:12] Oh, no.

[7:12] At least not by the time I was around him.

[7:14] So where did you see this?

[7:15] Like in someone's garage?

[7:16] I would have gone to Washington to see this, or perhaps Peoria, the two more metropolitan areas.

Elliott Kalan

[7:22] So I don't know if we were talking about this on the show.

[7:23] We may have.

[7:24] I find it hilarious that Dan's idea growing up of like a big city is Peoria, the city that is Hollywood slang for the back, like the sticks.

[7:33] Backwater.

[7:33] The backwater.

Dan McCoy

[7:34] Richard Pryor was brought up there, though.

[7:36] But he didn't stay there.

[7:37] No.

[7:38] And I'm assuming that...

Stuart Wellington

[7:39] So you're like a modern-day Richard Pryor in that way?

Dan McCoy

[7:43] I didn't say it.

[7:44] You did.

Stuart Wellington

[7:45] And that metropolitan multiplex, I'm sure, was populated almost exclusively with people that dress like the neighbor couple in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

[7:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:56] For sure.

[7:57] The comedically yuppie couple.

[7:59] Well, I'm glad we got into our...

[8:00] Who are cool.

[8:01] They're very cool.

[8:02] They're the heroes of that movie as far as I'm concerned.

Elliott Kalan

[8:04] But...

[8:04] There are no heroes in that movie.

Dan McCoy

[8:05] We've gotten into our personal history, but I was more thinking of the fact...

[8:08] The behind-the-scenes history.

[8:09] This was based on an erotic novel by Anne Rice under...

[8:14] What was her...

[8:14] Anne Rampling.

[8:15] Anne Rampling was what she wrote it under.

[8:17] Because she was collaborating with Charlotte Rampling on it.

Stuart Wellington

[8:20] Yeah.

[8:20] And because, you know, her works are ramping up your boners.

Elliott Kalan

[8:26] Ramp that thing up.

[8:27] That's what they say at strip clubs when the dancers are about to come out.

[8:29] Gentlemen, ramp up your boners.

Stuart Wellington

[8:31] Ramp up your boners.

[8:33] Here's Jade.

[8:35] The movie Jade.

[8:37] We're going to show it, too.

[8:38] Set up the screen.

Elliott Kalan

[8:39] Set up the screen.

[8:40] Maybe don't ramp up your boners yet.

Stuart Wellington

[8:41] HDMI 1.

[8:44] HDMI 1.

Elliott Kalan

[8:45] Guys, guys, come on.

[8:47] Input.

[8:47] Press the input button.

[8:49] You know what?

[8:49] Don't ramp your boners yet.

[8:50] I don't want you to waste anything.

[8:52] Turn motion smoothing on.

[8:55] But the Anne Rice novel...

[8:55] The smoother the better.

[8:57] The Anne Rice novel is...

[8:58] Here at Smoothers, the strip club that just shows you movies with the motion smoothing on.

[9:02] So nasty.

Dan McCoy

[9:04] And that smooths down your boner.

Elliott Kalan

[9:07] Yeah, yeah.

[9:08] We want it to look like kind of in-store security camera video.

[9:12] Yeah.

[9:14] There should be no weight or heft to any objects in the movie.

[9:18] It should just be super smooth, super fast.

[9:20] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[9:20] Now I have not...

Elliott Kalan

[9:21] Now ramp up your boners.

Dan McCoy

[9:23] I have not read this novel, but it's my understanding that it's a straightforward BDSM erotic book.

Elliott Kalan

[9:29] My understanding from reading the Wikipedia entry...

[9:32] Yes.

[9:32] Is that it is about a mistress on a sex island who falls in love with a guy there and she has to choose between her profession of being a mistress or giving herself up to this guy.

[9:44] And that none of the story of jewel thieves being chased by undercover cops, which is so prominent in the film, that none of that is in the novel.

[9:51] Arguably the narrative thrust.

Dan McCoy

[9:53] Yeah.

[9:54] The sexiest director in Hollywood.

[9:55] No one intended.

[9:56] The sexiest director in Hollywood, Gary Marshall, got his hands on this.

[9:59] And I believe he added all of the crime stuff, the goofy crime stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[10:04] To be fair to Gary Marshall, who at this point is probably best known for his holiday movies and perhaps has been the creator of Happy Days, which is not a holiday happy day, but it is a...

[10:13] It's a day still, yeah.

[10:14] It's a day.

[10:15] Yeah.

[10:15] Now, he had...

[10:17] I think this was just right after Pretty Woman.

[10:19] Yes.

[10:20] Which is pretty sexy material for him.

[10:22] It's about a call girl.

[10:24] And so I feel like he was like, how do I ramp it up?

[10:27] But is it...

[10:27] Maybe this is what I do now is I make sex comedies.

Dan McCoy

[10:29] It is a famously sanitized version of...

[10:32] Oh, for sure.

[10:33] ...of sex work.

[10:34] Even a sanitized version of the original script for the movie.

[10:36] You know.

Elliott Kalan

[10:37] But that was my understanding from what we're reading was that Rosie O'Donnell kind of didn't want to do the movie.

[10:42] And her representation was like, this guy just did Pretty Woman.

[10:46] This movie is going to be a huge hit.

[10:47] You've got to do it.

[10:49] But I think...

[10:49] And was she coming off A League of Their Own or...

[10:51] Probably.

[10:53] Okay.

[10:54] I think that checks out about right.

[10:56] Yeah.

[10:56] But I think Gary Marshall was probably like, you know what?

[11:00] I was too tame in Pretty Woman.

[11:03] Time for me to get a little wild.

[11:04] But then he ended with exiting the tamest movie about BDSM that I can imagine.

[11:10] The light spankings and the weird...

[11:12] It's like if Secretary was mostly about actual office work.

[11:16] That's what this feels like.

Dan McCoy

[11:17] Yeah.

[11:17] The main way that this is a sex movie is there are a lot of just random boobs running around.

[11:23] Yeah.

[11:24] On contest to people.

Stuart Wellington

[11:25] By a thought, I would say that's being a little generous.

Elliott Kalan

[11:29] There are a lot compared to a modern-day non-sexy movie.

[11:32] That's true.

[11:34] Compared to movies from the 80s or 90s, though, it is what's known as SBQ or standard boob quotient.

Dan McCoy

[11:39] Dana Delaney, our romantic lead, is naked a few times.

[11:43] He gets a few sex scenes.

[11:44] And then there's just a lot of people in the background on Sex Island wandering around with...

Stuart Wellington

[11:50] That's the Mr. Skin Report with Dana Coy.

Dan McCoy

[11:53] I'm just defending my assertion now.

[11:55] Your assertion, yeah.

[11:57] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[11:57] Anyway.

[11:58] Okay.

[11:58] Like all sexy movies, this one begins in Melbourne, Australia.

Elliott Kalan

[12:03] With a child and a maid.

Stuart Wellington

[12:05] Yeah, yeah.

[12:05] With a child and a, I'm going to say, slightly provocatively dressed maid.

Elliott Kalan

[12:11] I would say, I would say, she's wearing a very low-cut outfit.

[12:14] Yeah.

[12:14] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[12:15] Yeah.

[12:15] She, she, he, you know, he gets in trouble and she gives him a spanking, which initially

[12:20] you think is a punishment, but you see on his face, he likes it.

Dan McCoy

[12:24] And you can also, like, this is what tells you it's a movie of the time because it needs

[12:28] to explain the idea that someone might enjoy being spanked in an erotic way.

[12:35] Like, there's like, oh, the audience has to be set up for this.

[12:38] They can't, it just can't be like a thing that he likes.

[12:40] We have to have a reason.

[12:41] There must be an origin story.

[12:42] Yeah.

[12:42] There's got to be the moment when he's bitten by a radioactive spank.

Stuart Wellington

[12:45] I mean, I think, I think movie, like most movies nowadays would also do the same thing.

[12:50] I'm not sure about that.

[12:50] You got to give everyone an arc for their butt.

[12:52] I mean, they have to give them an arc, but I think.

[12:53] For their butt.

Elliott Kalan

[12:54] The movie is so of its time in that, yeah, the idea of any sort of like non-missionary

[13:00] sex play.

[13:01] Yeah.

[13:02] Is considered so outré and so out of the ordinary and, and shocking that like, yeah, they have

[13:08] to provide, they have to provide an origin story for him to enjoy this aspect.

Dan McCoy

[13:12] So much of the movie is like people explaining like sex to Rosie O'Donnell and Dan Aykroyd

[13:18] and then being like, what?

Elliott Kalan

[13:19] People do that?

[13:20] What?

[13:20] And it falls into the category of, it is a movie that for its time seems like a liberal progressive

[13:26] movie because the people involved in this stuff are not like, every now and then they're

[13:29] like, yeah, well, maybe it's okay for people to just like whatever they like.

[13:32] But the, but the, the Dan Aykroyd and Rosie O'Donnell characters are so, yeah, they're

[13:35] so like, oh, oh, what is this?

[13:37] Oh.

[13:38] And by the end of it, Rosie O'Donnell's like, you know what?

[13:40] Maybe sex is okay.

Dan McCoy

[13:41] Yeah.

[13:41] Dan Aykroyd gets a vibrator for his ex-wife, maybe.

[13:45] Yeah, he gets like a.

[13:46] Played by his real wife.

[13:47] Donna Dixon.

[13:48] Yeah.

[13:48] Still married.

Stuart Wellington

[13:49] He gets a big ass like Hitachi Wand.

[13:51] Like, he's not playing right in the deep end.

[13:53] No.

Elliott Kalan

[13:53] But it's.

[13:54] But it's.

[13:54] He's like Blaster Bean, right guys?

[13:56] It's like the movie.

[13:57] Okay.

[13:57] The movie is clearly on the side of people.

[13:59] Is that a Atari game?

[14:01] Yeah.

[14:02] Blaster Bean.

Dan McCoy

[14:04] Hey, I'm Blaster Bean.

[14:05] Get me to the end of the maze.

[14:06] That was a mini game in Leisure Suit Larry.

[14:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:11] The.

[14:13] I feel like that's the video game that a grandma gets for their kid not realizing what's actually

[14:17] going on in it.

[14:18] Oh, I know.

[14:18] Clearly the movie is on the side of people should be able to do what they like if they're

[14:22] not hurting somebody else.

[14:24] But to get there, they have to express such, you know, bizarre.

[14:29] What's it called?

[14:29] Bizarre shock at what's happening.

[14:31] Yeah.

[14:31] That it comes off as the opposite of that.

Stuart Wellington

[14:33] Like a certain amount of lazy disdain and schtick.

[14:35] Yes.

[14:36] Yeah.

[14:37] Okay.

[14:38] So let's get into it.

[14:38] So, yep.

[14:39] Let's get into it.

[14:39] As we said.

[14:40] So it starts in Melbourne with the origin story.

[14:41] It starts in Melbourne.

[14:42] And then 20 years later, we meet up with what we assume to be that same young boy.

[14:48] It'd be amazing if it was not the same character.

Dan McCoy

[14:51] He's from Strictly Ballroom.

[14:52] And he confusingly shares a, the actor shares a name with an old coworker of ours.

[14:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:58] Yeah, he does.

[14:58] And he also shares a character name with me.

[15:00] Oh, yeah.

[15:00] The character's named Elliot.

[15:01] He shares a name with someone we used to work with.

[15:04] And he is now, he's been an Australian legislator for a number of years now.

[15:08] He's a member of the Australian parliament.

Stuart Wellington

[15:10] Yeah.

[15:10] And as we'll later learn, totally caked up.

[15:15] That's what Danny Delaney likes about him.

[15:17] Dragging a wagon.

[15:19] And his character's name is Elliot.

[15:21] It's Elliot Slater.

[15:22] I will refer to him exclusively as Elliot.

[15:25] Thanks.

[15:25] Just to confuse everyone with the fact that we also have

[15:28] a co-host named Elliot.

[15:29] So Elliot here is talking to his therapist,

[15:33] played by, as listed in the credits,

[15:36] as usual, Hector Elizondo.

Elliott Kalan

[15:38] That's how you know it's a Gary Marshall movie,

[15:40] because Hector Elizondo was in it.

[15:41] But I love, yeah, he says, as usual, Hector Elizondo.

[15:45] As in like, you know he's coming, everybody.

[15:46] This guy's gotta be here.

Stuart Wellington

[15:47] Now granted, when I saw that, I started pumping my fist in the air.

[15:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[15:52] I will say, Hector Elizondo is the one character in it

[15:55] who I feel has genuine erotic intensity.

[15:57] When he talks.

[15:58] Yeah.

[15:59] Not in a way that I like necessarily.

[16:01] Yes.

[16:01] But of all, especially compared to like Dana Delaney,

[16:04] who I think is great,

[16:05] but her performance in this never gets across the idea

[16:07] that she is in touch with her erotic passions.

Dan McCoy

[16:09] She feels sort of like, you know, like a mom.

[16:12] Yeah.

[16:12] A suburban mom who's, you know.

[16:14] Which, in a way.

[16:15] Read an Anne Rice book, maybe.

[16:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:18] So, again, we meet up with Elliot Slater.

[16:21] He's talking to his therapist, who has a specialization in sex and kink,

[16:26] played by Hector Elizondo.

[16:27] And they're talking about how Elliot has had difficulty all his life maintaining a serious relationship.

[16:34] And it's clearly due to some kind of unadmitted kink or passion.

Elliott Kalan

[16:40] An unslakeable thirst.

[16:41] Yes.

[16:41] And it's kind of implied that when he tells people about this kink, they reject him.

[16:47] You know, they go, oh, that's outrageous.

[16:48] As we'll learn later on, it is being lightly tapped on the buttocks.

[16:52] Yes.

[16:52] Which is, again, one of the easiest kinks, I feel like, to do.

Stuart Wellington

[16:56] Like, you can stumble into that pretty easily.

Elliott Kalan

[16:59] You can accidentally fulfill that kink by just being in a crowded store.

[17:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[17:04] I mean, you see a butt, you know.

[17:06] Uh-huh.

[17:06] It's the first thing you think about, right?

[17:07] Yeah, yeah.

[17:08] Right?

Elliott Kalan

[17:08] Dan, this is one of those times where I feel like you assume that a feeling you have is a universal feeling.

[17:13] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:14] Like, he could just join, like, a baseball team or something, right?

Elliott Kalan

[17:18] Any sports team, yeah.

[17:20] He's going to get tapped on the butt at some point.

Stuart Wellington

[17:21] I will point out that this character is supposed to be, you know, his character is from Melbourne, and he lives in L.A.

Elliott Kalan

[17:26] Which is ironic because this Elliot, on this podcast, is from Milburn.

Stuart Wellington

[17:30] That is ironic.

[17:31] That is ironic.

[17:32] It is very ironic.

[17:33] So everyone, add that to the show notes.

[17:34] That's the trivia section, please.

[17:38] So I was just going to say that his accent I find very interesting because it does sound like somebody with an Australian accent trying desperately not to have one.

Elliott Kalan

[17:48] My guess is that they told him dial it back because people will need to understand what you're saying, and we don't trust them, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[17:53] Okay.

[17:54] So we also learn when he's talking to his therapist that he has already submitted an application to go to this resort.

[18:03] Sex Island, yeah.

[18:03] This sex island that we'll later learn is called Eden.

[18:06] Oh, right.

[18:07] Where he will participate in this, that will theoretically help him with his, like, therapy.

[18:13] Yes.

[18:14] But first, he has to go on a, he's a photojournalist, and he has to go on an assignment.

[18:19] And the movie picks up with him coming back, arriving at the, what, San Diego airport?

[18:24] I'm not sure.

Dan McCoy

[18:25] Yeah.

[18:25] I'm sorry.

[18:26] I'm just laughing because I'm remembering the scene already.

[18:29] And I'm not laughing with delight at it.

[18:30] I'm laughing at how dumb things are in the scene.

Stuart Wellington

[18:33] Yeah.

[18:33] So he comes back from South America.

[18:35] This is where we have a scene where, going through customs, they're specifically saying U.S. citizens that side, aliens on that side.

[18:43] And I'm like, that's a weird thing to say.

[18:45] I know that's technically correct, but I have not heard that in the wild.

Elliott Kalan

[18:48] Well, it sets you up for the men in black sex movie that we don't get.

[18:51] Yes.

[18:51] Where humans are having sex with aliens.

[18:54] Where's that movie, huh?

[18:56] When are we going to cross that taboo?

Stuart Wellington

[18:57] I 100% think it exists, Elliot.

[19:00] I'm sure.

[19:00] At least in comic book form.

[19:01] Yeah, yeah.

[19:02] But that's not a movie.

[19:02] Lesh Gordon.

[19:03] Well, if you flip the pages of that comic book really quickly, Elliot, it does kind of become a movie.

[19:10] That's a good point.

[19:10] Okay.

[19:11] So while he's at the airport.

[19:13] I guess Possession is that movie where a person's having sex with aliens.

[19:16] About to be remade.

[19:17] Is it?

Dan McCoy

[19:18] Yeah.

[19:18] Why?

[19:20] That is like such a, I mean, it's so tied to like personal trauma and like a vision.

[19:26] Why would you?

[19:27] There's not like anything in that plot where you're like.

Stuart Wellington

[19:29] Sam Neill's still going to be in it.

[19:32] No, I don't remember.

[19:34] It's out there.

[19:35] You guys can look it up.

Dan McCoy

[19:35] Because everything's going to get remade at some point.

[19:36] Yeah.

[19:36] Okay.

[19:37] Okay.

[19:37] Because that IP is so valuable to the audience out there.

[19:41] Like, oh my God.

Elliott Kalan

[19:44] So while he's.

[19:45] Dan, they made train dreams, which is based on a dream a train had.

[19:50] Like, they'll make any movie nowadays.

[19:52] That's amazing.

[19:53] No, no.

[19:53] You didn't know that trains dreamed before that.

[19:55] It was just a dream about being on that one island that Thomas the Tank Engine is on.

[19:58] It's called Eden, I think.

[20:00] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[20:01] Thomas the Stank Engine.

[20:02] I guarantee you there's like fetish wear Thomas the Tank Engine art out there.

[20:07] There must be.

Elliott Kalan

[20:08] Well, the fetish is being narrated by the Thomas narrator while you do it.

Stuart Wellington

[20:12] Yeah.

[20:12] Okay.

[20:13] So while at the airport, Elliot.

[20:16] The magic roundabout.

[20:18] That's for Dan.

[20:19] Elliot inadvertently.

[20:22] Oh, the Elliot in the movie.

[20:23] Yeah.

[20:24] Takes photos of a pair of elusive diamond smugglers.

[20:29] One of whom has never been photographed.

[20:31] One of them, Omar, has never been photographed.

[20:34] The other one, Nina, played by Iman, has been photographed because she's a huge supermodel.

[20:41] Yes.

[20:41] Lots of pictures.

[20:42] She's married to a famous guy.

[20:44] Yeah.

[20:44] She is introduced dressed up in drag.

[20:47] And I'm like, there is, you cannot, no amount of simple like wigs will disguise.

[20:52] Even the mustache?

Dan McCoy

[20:53] Even her fake mustache?

[20:55] He also likes, Elliot takes pictures of her while she's like sneezing.

[20:59] And she's like, what are you doing?

[21:00] And like.

[21:00] Which is weird.

[21:01] It is weird.

[21:02] Yeah, it's weird.

[21:03] And she's like, don't worry.

[21:04] I'm a photographer.

[21:05] But he's taking these pictures just sort of like, he's got his like camera down on his hip,

[21:10] just sort of like clicking off.

[21:11] I, I, I, he does not look like he's.

Elliott Kalan

[21:13] Yeah, because it symbolizes a penis, Dan.

[21:14] Making good photos.

[21:16] But then part of the diamond smuggling is a switch off that involves the baggage claim.

[21:20] And he's like leaning into the baggage area, taking pictures.

[21:22] And it's like, what are you doing?

Stuart Wellington

[21:24] Yeah, calm down, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[21:25] I will say this though, that.

[21:30] Do you love this movie?

[21:31] Yeah, it's great.

Stuart Wellington

[21:31] Anyway, I don't remember what I was going to say.

[21:32] Let's go on.

[21:33] I had something and I forgot it.

[21:34] So after this little bit of excitement, we now cut to a strip club.

[21:39] Oh boy, is it exciting.

[21:41] I was on the edge of my seat.

Dan McCoy

[21:43] I had to reach this fever pitch again for a while.

Elliott Kalan

[21:46] I had to pause the movie and catch my breath.

[21:48] Yeah, yeah.

[21:49] From the intensity of this scene.

Stuart Wellington

[21:50] It's like the end of the first 10 minutes of Fury Road.

[21:52] You're like, whoa, I need this break, everybody.

[21:55] Okay, so we now enter the dark lair of a strip club where there's a police sting operation going on where Dan Aykroyd, who plays Fred, and Rosie O'Donnell, who plays Sheila, are a pair of police officers who are undercover.

[22:15] And they are busting this diamond smuggling ring that is tied to Nina and Omar.

[22:19] Yep.

[22:20] So we get a little bit of stripping.

[22:22] It's a little sexy.

Dan McCoy

[22:22] Well, and they're doing this by – Ackroyd is the strip club DJ and O'Donnell is a –

[22:30] Is a dancer.

[22:31] Is a dancer who never – you know, like she's just like sort of like half-heartedly dancing around, not taking her clothes off because that's not her job.

[22:37] She's like undercover cop.

Elliott Kalan

[22:39] Dan felt like he needed to warn anybody who was watching the movie in the hopes that they would see Rosie O'Donnell take her clothes off.

[22:44] Yeah, yeah.

[22:44] That doesn't happen.

Dan McCoy

[22:44] But the point is just like why do they have to be workers at the club?

[22:48] Why can't they be undercover as visitors to the club?

[22:51] They need them to let down their guard, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[22:54] And also I'll give them this.

[22:55] It's a comedy movie.

[22:56] Sure.

[22:56] So you want to put these characters in situations they're not comfortable with.

[23:00] But by police logistics standards, you're right.

[23:02] Those are not the roles you want them to be in.

[23:05] Where is she going to keep her gun when she's supposed to be a stripper?

Stuart Wellington

[23:07] I mean she kind of – she pulls it out from her like feather boa.

[23:10] Oh, that's right.

Dan McCoy

[23:11] I think if I got any laughs out of it, I would take that explanation.

[23:14] But in the absence of laughs, I had a lot.

Stuart Wellington

[23:18] Yeah, so there's a little bit of – you know, there's a little bit of attempted humor in the process.

Elliott Kalan

[23:23] This should be shelved in the attempted comedy section at the video store.

Stuart Wellington

[23:28] There's a – in the excitement, Nina, the smuggler, manages to shoot one of the guys that they're after.

[23:39] Some of this stuff is kind of confusing for me, and I watched it twice.

[23:44] Meanwhile, Elliot, he boards a boat to go to Eden with other people who have paid to volunteer, I guess.

[23:54] And I assume he's paid also.

[23:55] He is paid.

[23:56] As they mentioned that later on, his payment is refunded.

[24:00] That's right.

[24:01] But he is with a group of people who have paid to spend a week at Eden, and during that time, they are citizens of Eden, which is their term for submissives.

[24:10] Yes.

[24:10] But they do specify that while you're on Eden, everything is a – you still have to give consent.

[24:17] Still consent, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[24:17] It still has to be consensual.

[24:18] But they're told this by the Eden middle management, who are all dressed like members of ABBA or like lion tangers.

[24:25] They all have like white – bright white kind of circus costumes.

Dan McCoy

[24:29] The sexiest outfits you can think of.

[24:31] I must have missed this speech because I remember later on in the movie being like,

[24:37] wow, for a kink island with a kink resort, they are playing fast and loose with consent.

[24:45] Like Elliot doesn't want to go up on stage later on to like dance around and show his wares and like,

[24:50] no, you got it.

[24:50] They're like literally like pushing him on stage.

[24:52] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[24:53] Even though he's like saying no.

Stuart Wellington

[24:54] Oh, no.

[24:54] I mean they give the speech and then they also go against those rules.

[24:58] They ignore it entirely.

Elliott Kalan

[24:59] And they just boss.

[24:59] And I wonder – I think it's – they do not set up – here's the thing.

[25:03] They don't set up safe words or at least we don't see it because him saying no could be part of that scenario for him unless he says his safe word.

[25:11] And this is why everybody always have a safe word.

[25:14] And your safe word shouldn't be no because then it gets confusing.

[25:17] Establish boundaries, yeah.

[25:18] Your safe word should be something like dimetrodon that you normally wouldn't say during sex unless you do dinosaur.

[25:23] Someone out there –

[25:24] Dinosaur-like – I'm sorry.

[25:25] Dimetrodons are not dinosaurs.

[25:27] I apologize.

[25:28] Everybody, you know what?

[25:29] I tender my resignation.

[25:31] I can no longer really act as a Flophouse host after what I've done.

[25:34] Oh, wow.

[25:35] I mislabeled a dimetrodon as a dinosaur.

[25:37] And you know what?

[25:38] Due to public outcry, I will stay.

[25:41] I will resume my resignation.

[25:42] Wow, yeah.

[25:43] That's a real rollercoaster.

[25:44] Oh, boy.

Elliott Kalan

[25:44] A long national nightmare is over.

[25:46] But anyway, safe word.

Dan McCoy

[25:46] I was going to encourage someone out there.

[25:49] Make Flophouse your safe word just for fun.

[25:52] It would tickle me.

[25:53] Dan, I don't know if this is such a good idea.

Stuart Wellington

[25:55] Tickle me.

[25:56] Does it tickle you?

[25:57] This seems like the best possible moment for Dan to give some more information on the MaxFunDrive.

[26:03] Oh, thanks, Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[26:05] Yeah, sure.

[26:07] What a little prankster.

Dan McCoy

[26:09] Before we get back to the sexy Dan Aykroyd in handcuffs antics, let me tell you a little bit more about how the MaxFunDrive works and why listener support is important.

[26:18] How does it work?

[26:18] Let's start there.

[26:19] Go to MaximumFun.org.

[26:21] Pick the great shows you listen to, including, we hope, The Flophouse.

[26:24] And your pledge goes directly to the shows that you personally listen to and have chosen to support with a little going to the network, which is a worker-owned collective.

[26:34] So you can feel very good about that for overhead and all the help they give us.

[26:38] And why is it important?

[26:40] I told you the how.

[26:41] Why?

[26:42] This money helps us pay our operating costs.

[26:45] It helps us pay our producer, Alex, who we're happy to give a raise to soon for some extra work we're going to be throwing at him.

[26:53] The first he's heard of this.

[26:54] Yeah, I was like, I don't know if we need to promise this on the air, Dan.

[26:57] I've talked to him.

[26:58] Oh.

[26:59] It helps us pay ourselves as the traditional entertainment industry falls to pieces around us.

[27:05] So if you're a first-time member, you can join at just $5 a month and get access to the full library of MaxFun.

Elliott Kalan

[27:11] Wait, $5?

[27:12] That seems ludicrously cheap for all the entertainment you're getting.

Dan McCoy

[27:16] I know.

[27:17] Have we gone insane?

[27:18] And yet people will be confused by it even so.

[27:22] At $5 a month, you get access to the full library of MaxFun bonus content.

[27:26] Hundreds and hundreds of hours across all the shows on the network.

[27:30] And this is a good time to say, what is the Flophouse going to do for bonus content this year?

[27:34] Yeah.

[27:35] I'm glad I asked, me.

[27:37] This year, it's all about the Transformers.

[27:40] Now, no matter what, no matter what, we are committed to watching and discussing the original animated Transformers.

[27:48] Transformers the movie.

[27:48] Transformers the movie from 86.

[27:50] Michael Bay's Transformers from 2007.

Stuart Wellington

[27:53] What sort of Transformer pees on John Turturro, right?

Dan McCoy

[27:55] I don't know if it's in that one, but it's in one of them.

[27:59] I mean, that's the promise that any Transformers movies makes.

[28:02] And also the recent computer animated Transformers 1 from 2024.

[28:06] Those three we're going to do no matter what.

[28:09] However, however, listen to this.

[28:11] If the Flophouse makes it to 1,600 new or upgrading members, we will record two more episodes covering Transformers Revenge of the Fallen and Transformers Dark of the Moon.

[28:23] And if we make it all the way to 2,000 new or upgrading members, that will unlock the gold mine of four additional episodes.

[28:32] Age of Extinction, which will be a rare Flophouse revisit.

[28:36] The Last Knight, Bumblebee, and Rise of the Beast.

[28:39] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[28:40] Cog Man.

[28:41] Cog Man.

Dan McCoy

[28:42] You can have it all, at least if by all you mean Transformers movies.

[28:47] But that's just this year's bonus content.

[28:50] If you're a member at that level, you have access to all the old bonus content.

[28:55] Like last year when we did six role-playing episodes where Game Master Stu led me, Elliot, and Jubin in a pair of three-episode Slop Tales arcs where we played hapless restaurant workers.

[29:09] Sorry, I'm starting to stumble over my own copy.

[29:11] I apologize.

Elliott Kalan

[29:12] Those Slop Tales episodes are my favorite bonus content we've ever done.

[29:15] I think Stuart did a great job.

[29:16] He came with a great scenario and characters, and we had so much fun doing it.

[29:19] You know, he led us through a wonderful adventure.

Dan McCoy

[29:22] I'm only as good as the collaborators I work with.

[29:24] No, they're very fun and also fully produced by Alex with music and sound effects and stuff.

[29:30] Also last year we released Flyscraper, which was a fully produced theater of the mind audio comedy from a script by me.

Elliott Kalan

[29:37] That was also my favorite bonus content.

Dan McCoy

[29:40] It had notable friends of the pod like John Hodgman, Griffin Newman, Barbara Crampton, Josh Gondelman, Natalie Walker, Griffin McElroy, and more on that.

[29:48] And tons more bonus content from us going back years.

[29:51] All accessible at that $5 a month level.

[29:54] And I briefly, briefly want to mention that at the $10 a month level, you get, of course, a lovely good-bad keychain.

[30:00] But also, for the first time, we'll get access to an ad-free feed.

[30:08] That's right.

[30:10] Entertainment without commercials.

[30:11] The dream of every consumer.

[30:13] We will still have Jumbotrons because those are MaxFun community announcements and our own personal plugs.

[30:19] So you'll still hear about Barbarian Behind Bars.

[30:22] On store shelves now.

[30:23] My wife's gym.

[30:25] Jiggle Studio.

[30:26] But that's the stuff that I think that listeners will still want to hear.

[30:31] There'll not be any more corporate sponsors at the $10 ad-free member feed.

[30:36] So that's a new thing that we're offering that I'm very excited about.

[30:41] And there are higher levels, of course, with other thank yous.

[30:43] But I'll just say for now, please join us as a member at $5 a month or more.

[30:47] Head to MaximumFun.org slash join.

[30:50] Where you can join monthly at $5 a month or more.

[30:52] Or opt to pay up front for a whole year of support.

[30:55] And then when your year's up, it'll revert to monthly unless you choose to pay up front for another year.

[31:00] That is MaximumFun.org slash join.

[31:03] And now, back to Exit to Eden.

Elliott Kalan

[31:05] Force us to watch Transformers movies.

Stuart Wellington

[31:08] So while, so on board the boat to Eden, we see the other people who have signed up.

[31:15] They're all generally kind of youngish people.

[31:17] But we do have, we do get a good joke about an old man who boarded the wrong ship.

[31:21] Thinking he was going to a golf fantasy island where he was going to play with Lee Trevino.

[31:25] As everyone else is undressing.

Elliott Kalan

[31:27] I will say this is when we introduced my favorite character in the movie, Reba.

[31:30] The multiple-time Eden attendee who cannot stop talking to people even when important announcements are being given.

Stuart Wellington

[31:36] It's really funny, though, that every time she just, like, it's not like she's being really disruptive.

[31:41] But she's just talking a little bit.

[31:42] And one guy's like, shut up, Reba.

[31:44] And I'm like, you know, Reba's a single mom who works too hard.

[31:47] And she loves her kids.

[31:48] And she'll never stop.

[31:49] Yeah, it's that Reba, huh?

Dan McCoy

[31:50] Giving hands on heart of a fighter.

[31:52] Loves Reba.

[31:53] She's a survivor.

Stuart Wellington

[31:54] Okay, so.

[31:56] Can you guys, and they arrive at the island.

[31:59] Can you describe the island at all for our listeners?

[32:03] Or do you want me to?

Elliott Kalan

[32:04] I mean, it's like a tropical island.

[32:05] It feels like a kind of regular resort except people are wearing togas.

Stuart Wellington

[32:10] And they have to, like, paddle their own canoes to get to the island.

[32:14] The citizens do.

[32:15] The citizens do.

[32:16] And then they have to, like, wear chains.

Dan McCoy

[32:18] For a second, I was like, at other resorts, do you not usually paddle your own canoe if you go canoeing?

Elliott Kalan

[32:24] I mean, I would assume at a sex resort, the hope is that you don't have to paddle your own canoe.

[32:27] Oh, man.

[32:29] You know what I mean?

[32:29] But there's a real divide between the citizens and the, what are the other customers called?

[32:35] I think just guests.

[32:35] Guests.

[32:36] And the citizens, when they show up, it's like they're dressed like they're humans in Planet of the Apes, you know?

[32:42] Yeah.

[32:42] And then except sexier, I guess.

[32:44] Of course.

[32:44] If that's possible.

Dan McCoy

[32:45] Impossible.

[32:45] All of the citizens are, you know, in the military helping us fight bugs because, you know, service.

Elliott Kalan

[32:52] That's the only way to become a citizen.

[32:53] It's military service in the world of Robert Heinlein and Starship Troopers.

[32:57] So then they go straight to the.

[32:59] Thank you, Elliot, for bailing me out of that nowhere.

[33:02] I knew where you were going with it.

[33:04] The citizens then have to put themselves on display one at a time for, it's not like an

[33:08] auction, but it's just, they're just showing off.

[33:11] And this is when I found the one really genuine, or one of the few really genuinely offensive

[33:16] moments in the movie.

[33:17] I don't know if you guys noticed when there's a person of color who's on display, they immediately

[33:20] cut to the one person of color who is a, like, guest of the island.

[33:24] And I was like, what is this?

Stuart Wellington

[33:25] Come on.

[33:26] And all this, and this, like, meat market sequence is overseen by the operator of the

[33:32] island, Mistress Lisa, played by Dana Delaney, who is kind of like an overseer figure.

Elliott Kalan

[33:38] She wears what I would call the Joel Schumacher Batman version of Dominatrix Mistress Wear.

Dan McCoy

[33:44] Not to get us into a weird area, but I.

Elliott Kalan

[33:46] And we're talking about exit tea, and there's no way to not avoid it.

Dan McCoy

[33:49] I do feel like having a non-person of color at an auction take a person of color would

[33:54] have its own set of problems.

[33:55] So maybe they should have thought this whole time through.

Elliott Kalan

[33:57] I feel like there are larger issues with the movie that make this kind of thing almost

[34:02] inevitable.

[34:03] Because it is really, it's trying to get across, it feels like, the overall, this movie, and

[34:11] I think you're right, Dan, that's true.

[34:12] But then I'd say put people of color in other places in the scene.

[34:15] Rather than just the one.

[34:18] But I think the movie is attempting to get across a very basic idea of dominant, submissive,

[34:25] erotic relationships.

[34:27] But in a way that is afraid of actually getting into what is hot about those relationships.

Dan McCoy

[34:33] The way that Gary Marshall can deal with.

Elliott Kalan

[34:35] Yes, exactly.

[34:36] It really does feel a lot like your grandma has decided to tell a dirty joke, but is when

[34:42] you walked into the room and so has backpedaled and softened it so much that there's no longer

[34:47] a joke to it.

Stuart Wellington

[34:48] Yeah.

[34:49] Like, this is the type of BDSM resort that, like, if you had to take your parents with

[34:54] you, it would be fine.

[34:55] It would probably be fine.

[34:56] It would be fine.

[34:56] And there's like-

[34:57] You just hang out by the pool, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[34:58] There's mentions every now and then that, like, sex is happening.

[35:02] But mostly what we see is people just walking around scantily clad.

[35:06] You know, or like, people doing chores for each other.

[35:09] You know, like, this one guy is subservient to-

[35:13] He's been, like, assigned to Rosie O'Donnell.

[35:15] Yeah, Tommy, you mean.

[35:16] Tommy.

[35:16] So he's mostly like, can I get that for you?

[35:18] Like, what if I sleep at the end of your bed?

Dan McCoy

[35:20] One of my favorite bits of the movie was, yeah, her subservient and, like, how she's

[35:28] just sort of not interested in any of it, but is, like, sort of tickled that someone's

[35:31] doing things for her.

[35:33] She's like, oh, this is nice.

Stuart Wellington

[35:35] And she both, like, denies him, but is also like, ah, it's kind of funny when this guy's

[35:40] around you.

Elliott Kalan

[35:40] And spoiler alert, they end up dating at the end.

Dan McCoy

[35:42] Yeah, spoiler alert.

[35:42] Which was, I thought, actually, like, maybe I was, my brain had melted by the point, but

[35:47] I thought that was genuinely sweet.

[35:48] No, that is kind of nice, yeah.

[35:49] But I, it is funny, too, that, like, Rosie O'Donnell in this role, I have to say, like,

[35:54] there is kind of like a meta joke that you can't help but bring to where you're like, yeah,

[35:58] she's not interested in any of these guys.

Elliott Kalan

[36:00] It's like, they all keep trying.

[36:02] And she's like, yeah, this is cute.

[36:03] Go away.

[36:05] Now, as you mentioned earlier, they have this kind of show-off runway show.

[36:09] Elliot does not want to take part in it at first.

[36:12] But then, once they force him, he really hams it up.

[36:14] And he does something that I was confused by, where he, like, sticks out his belly really

[36:20] far.

[36:20] Like, to try to, like, he's not, like, he's kind of showing off his muscles or whatever.

[36:24] Elliot is a bullfrog.

[36:25] And then he's just, like, pushing his belly out like a bullfrog.

[36:27] Like, he's like, look, I'm a pregnant guy.

[36:29] And I, like, didn't understand what was supposed to be, like, sexy about that.

Stuart Wellington

[36:32] I think there's animals in the wild, Elliot, perform kind of strange mating rituals.

[36:36] It's a display.

[36:37] It's like, look how flat my belly is.

Dan McCoy

[36:39] This is the most I can get it out.

[36:40] Because I'll tell you something, Elliot.

[36:41] I can get my belly way further out than...

[36:43] No, I believe it.

[36:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:45] Yeah, they would have, their tongues would have been on the ground if Danny Boy McCoy

[36:48] was up there.

[36:48] And now he is being very disruptive.

[36:50] But Mistress Lisa, she can't help but be a little tickled by it, right?

Stuart Wellington

[36:53] Yeah, can't help but get a little smile.

[36:55] Okay.

[36:55] Meanwhile, back on the mainland, guys, Omar and Nina have been tracking Elliot.

[37:00] And they tossed his apartment.

[37:01] They're trying to find the copy, the only photo of Omar in existence.

[37:07] And they're unable to find it in his apartment.

[37:09] So they track him to the doc.

Elliott Kalan

[37:10] This guy, he wants the person that Thomas Pynchon relies on to get rid of his photos.

[37:16] And this guy, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[37:17] And Omar is kind of like a C-grade David Warner type.

[37:23] That's a good way to describe it, yeah.

[37:25] So they track where Elliot's going.

[37:29] So Nina and Omar, they pose as guests of the resort so they can get Elliot and get that photo

[37:37] back.

[37:38] Meanwhile, Fred and Sheila deduce that there is also this photo floating around of Omar.

[37:43] And they track Elliot.

[37:44] They find out where he's going.

[37:46] And they're like, the only option here, we go undercover.

[37:49] And we use the honeypot of Elliot to trap Omar and Nina.

[37:53] Makes perfect sense.

[37:54] But they have to brush up on their BDSM knowledge first.

Dan McCoy

[37:58] Yeah.

[37:58] So we get some funny stuff of Dan Aykroyd putting on a gimp suit.

Stuart Wellington

[38:04] But again, I mean, clearly the comedic elements of Rosie O'Donnell and Dan Aykroyd, though I

[38:12] would say misguided and misplaced, I don't think they're bad in it.

[38:16] No.

Dan McCoy

[38:16] I think they're doing what they need to do with bad material.

[38:19] They are talented comedic actors.

Elliott Kalan

[38:22] Dan Aykroyd and Rosie O'Donnell both come out well from this movie.

[38:26] I think they're the best things in it.

[38:27] But it's a bad movie.

Stuart Wellington

[38:30] You know.

[38:30] It's like a weird fit.

[38:31] And the, yeah.

[38:34] I mean, and the whole, there's moments where Rosie O'Donnell does some like narration.

[38:38] Like she's like a.

Elliott Kalan

[38:39] She's like, meanwhile, we went to the island to figure out what was going on with so-and-so.

Stuart Wellington

[38:43] The craziest case of my career.

[38:45] Like she's an old-timey gumshoe, right?

Dan McCoy

[38:46] I couldn't, you know, from looking into it, I couldn't find like particular information

[38:51] of like, oh, like reshoots, rewrites, whatever it is.

[38:54] But like this really feels like the sort of narration that you stick in.

[38:57] We're like, okay, we need to cover up all the editing we did trying to save this movie.

[39:02] Trying to like make it shorter and like only have the stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[39:07] What if it's like Blade Runner and the director's cut is a masterpiece?

[39:10] Yeah, it could be.

[39:11] To me, although this is my hot take on Blade Runner, I kind of like this original cut.

[39:15] I like the director's cut.

[39:16] I like the narration.

[39:16] I think it hurts that I have no idea what the hell is going on in the director's cut.

Dan McCoy

[39:20] Yeah, it's like a noir movie.

[39:22] It's perfectly, it like makes sense for there to be narration.

Elliott Kalan

[39:25] Well, this is kind of a noir movie, Exit to Eden, right?

Dan McCoy

[39:27] Yeah.

[39:28] Well, her narration is very Dragnet styled, which is funny since Acoid was in Drag Point.

[39:33] Like Thursday morning.

[39:34] We went over here.

[39:35] We did this thing.

Elliott Kalan

[39:36] Time to find out, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[39:37] So back on the island, Ellie is, oh, and Sheila and Fred are, they go undercover.

[39:44] In this case, Sheila goes undercover as a guest of the island.

[39:47] Fred goes undercover as a maintenance man.

[39:50] And they, of course, have to meet with Hector Elizondo first to like, I don't know, get snuck onto the island or something.

Elliott Kalan

[39:55] I think they, to be, they can't, I think they can't go without his permission or something.

[39:59] Or they don't want to pay for it.

[40:00] And we get a little bit of extra like Hector Elizondo.

[40:03] So I'm not mad about that.

[40:04] Yeah.

[40:05] Hector Elizondo, it's like, I feel like the vibe I'm getting from him is a Bond villain's younger brother who didn't go into the Bond villain business.

[40:14] But instead was like, hmm, I still want to do something a little outré.

[40:18] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:19] Or like a salon owner.

[40:21] It reminds me of what you said before.

Dan McCoy

[40:24] Like, yeah, like he does weirdly have more erotic intensity than anyone else in the movie.

[40:30] But I don't want that out of him.

[40:31] Like, just because I'm so used to him playing a certain type of character, mostly in Gary and Marshall movies.

[40:37] So it feels very strange.

[40:38] It feels like if like, you're like your jolly uncle.

Elliott Kalan

[40:42] I mean, Dan, your jolly uncle has sexual drives too.

[40:46] No, I know.

Stuart Wellington

[40:47] Hector Elizondo's character looks like he would go to the performance art pieces.

[40:51] That Willem Dafoe's girlfriend in To Live and Die in L.A.

[40:54] Oh, sure.

Elliott Kalan

[40:55] And he'd go, very nice.

[40:57] Very nice.

Stuart Wellington

[40:58] With his button down shirt buttoned all the way to the top, no collar.

[41:02] No, yeah.

[41:02] Not a collar inside.

[41:03] No collar, no tie, nothing.

[41:04] Yeah.

[41:05] Okay.

[41:06] So L.A. is initially resistant to the rules of Eden.

[41:11] And that puts him on like a weird work detail where he's like running around in a thong, like going under waterfalls and carrying stuff around.

[41:18] But he still manages to keep catching the eye of Mistress Lisa as she like goes from seminars to teach women how to dirty talk to other sort of like nude sculpture things.

Dan McCoy

[41:29] And I mean, maybe you'll get into this later on.

[41:31] But there's like a weird seminar that's like, to me, it really reminded me of nothing more than going to like one of Elliot's favorite places, the Natural History Museum.

[41:41] Oh, that is one of my favorite places.

[41:42] Where they like walk past all these like essentially like living human dioramas of like these are sexual fantasies you could have.

[41:49] Their sexual fantasy showroom?

[41:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] What do I have to do to put you in a sex in the elevator today?

Dan McCoy

[41:56] But they're also like extremely simple fantasies.

[41:58] Again, it's just like some people like the idea of having sex with their boss.

[42:03] And it's like, okay, great.

[42:04] Not just having sex with their boss.

Elliott Kalan

[42:05] The boss is the one being dominated.

[42:07] The secretary dominates the boss.

[42:09] And one is like sex with a stranger.

[42:12] You never even knew his name.

[42:14] That kind of stuff.

[42:14] But there's like a woman with a clipboard who's walking from scene to scene.

[42:18] And they're all like, oh, yes.

[42:20] And even the like, even the seminars are more like consciousness raising groups.

[42:25] Yeah.

[42:25] You know?

[42:26] There's a lot of like, there was, you know, I was like, tell me, how do you become a mistress?

[42:29] You go to mistress school?

[42:30] Wah, wah, wah, wah.

[42:30] And she's like, let me tell you the story of how he became a mistress.

[42:34] And it's like, it seems more like, we're just going to get together and we're going to talk about, you know, where we can, like, there's nothing sexy about it.

[42:41] Like a book club.

[42:41] It feels like a sexy book club.

[42:42] It feels, this movie is less erotic than book club.

Stuart Wellington

[42:45] And I mean, I'm surprised that there isn't like a scene where there's a seminar put on by like a sex toy manufacturer.

[42:51] And they're just like, they're doing like Mary Kay cosmetics.

Elliott Kalan

[42:54] What I'd love to see is, do you guys remember when Dick DiBartolo, Mads Maddest Writer, used to go on like the Today Show or Good Morning America and show like new electronic gadgets that you can buy at Sharper Image or Hammock or Slammer?

[43:06] Like, that's what I wanted to see.

[43:07] But with sex toys, you know?

[43:08] Oh, Dan, you would have loved these segments.

[43:10] But like, I want someone like that who's just like, then you got this thing.

[43:13] Look at what it does.

[43:14] Okay, boy.

[43:15] Now we move on to the next one.

[43:16] But they don't do that.

[43:17] Instead, it's all very like, it's very soft.

[43:19] It's very soft and kind of like easygoing.

[43:21] So it is a vacation.

Stuart Wellington

[43:22] Yeah, so Lisa does take an interest in Elliot and she tries to break down some of his walls.

[43:28] There's a scene where she makes him get down on all fours and then she sits on his back bare bottom.

[43:34] Oh, that's so sexy.

Elliott Kalan

[43:37] She goes, I'll let you feel what you wanted to see.

[43:41] Yeah.

[43:41] Which is a very, it's just a funny way to put it.

[43:43] Like, she, Dana and Elaine, I think, has a lot of trouble.

[43:45] And I like her a lot.

[43:46] She has a lot of trouble saying the dialogue that is supposed to be mistress dialogue.

[43:51] I think mainly because it's not very well written.

[43:53] But, you know, it's hard to get, it's hard to do it and feel like it's not silly.

[43:58] And I think the main thing about that character is she has to be like, she shouldn't come off as silly.

[44:02] But she, it's hard not to.

Stuart Wellington

[44:04] And so, and, you know, our villains and our cops have also entered the island.

[44:10] It's very funny to me that Amon's character, Nina, is like undercover and she's like the most striking, she's wearing the most extreme outfits.

[44:19] She is going out of her way to be noticed.

[44:21] Like she's like walking off a fucking Mugler runway or something.

Elliott Kalan

[44:23] She feels like that character should have been like Mistress Lisa.

[44:27] Like she feels like a Mistress Lisa character.

[44:29] She would have been an incredible Mistress Lisa.

[44:30] She would have been an incredible Mistress Lisa because she's like so naturally dominating and mean.

[44:36] And to see a character like that broken down by love, you know.

[44:40] Yeah.

[44:40] And struggling with it.

[44:41] Like that's what Dana Delaney, Dana Delaney doesn't surprise me as a character who is falling in love.

[44:45] Yeah.

[44:46] Because she already seems very emotional, you know, or not emotional.

[44:48] She seems very like not, like there isn't a persona that she's putting forward, you know.

Dan McCoy

[44:53] Well, and this, you know, falls.

[44:55] Very vulnerable.

[44:55] I guess I would say she already seems vulnerable.

[44:57] Falls victim to the Fifty Shades disease a little bit where it's like, it seems to be like pathologizing the fact that she has any kinks.

[45:06] Like the idea seems to be that she's doing this because she can't love.

[45:12] She always wants to have control.

Elliott Kalan

[45:14] It seems to be like her reaction to her mother's death is a need for control.

Stuart Wellington

[45:18] Which we learn through some backstory that's prompted by Rosie O'Donnell's character.

[45:22] But she still keeps in touch with her dad, right?

[45:24] Yeah, but he's like, that was a really, that was a weird scene where like after her mom's death, her dad's like, okay, see you later.

[45:30] I was like, what is this?

[45:31] I gotta get out of this movie.

[45:32] What is this, Ella McKay?

[45:33] Yeah.

[45:35] And meanwhile, I mean, there'd be a lot more sex scarves.

[45:39] Gosh darn it.

Elliott Kalan

[45:40] I'm gonna run the best, greatest sex island there ever has been.

[45:45] Don't you understand?

[45:46] We could be doing better for people's kinks.

Stuart Wellington

[45:48] So a lot of this stuff is-

[45:49] Tooth tutors and tit tutors.

[45:52] Rosie O'Donnell's character, Sheila, is basically going to places and like doing bits the whole time.

[45:57] Like making jokes, asking like questions.

Dan McCoy

[45:59] Which I think when I saw this in the theater at age 16, I'll be honest, I was probably mostly interested in like the nude scenes.

[46:06] Probably.

[46:07] But, and like the O'Donnell stuff annoyed me.

[46:10] This time around, I'm like, this is what I love.

[46:12] Yeah.

[46:13] Is that she just like feels like she walked in from offset and is just like, I'm gonna heckle this movie a little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[46:18] Well, I think it helps her performance that it feels like she is like, what the hell is this movie?

[46:21] Like, what did I get into?

[46:22] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[46:23] And Dan Aykroyd's character is undercover as a maintenance man.

[46:26] And the whole time he's just working.

[46:28] And I think that's kind of funny.

[46:29] But I wish they played that up more where like they're like, hey, can you help me do this thing for the case?

[46:34] Like, oh man, they got me working all day.

[46:36] I like cleaning out the fucking cum traps and the jacuzzi.

Elliott Kalan

[46:39] And one of the things that Dan Aykroyd does better than any other performer maybe in history is say technical specs and like very specific information in a funny, articulate way.

[46:48] So I wish there was more of that kind of stuff.

[46:50] But he's talking about, you know, yeah, whatever equipment they're using at the island and things like that.

Dan McCoy

[46:54] But I also like the idea that's introduced a little later that he has been turning heads around the island.

[46:59] Like people are intrigued by this maintenance guy.

Elliott Kalan

[47:01] I don't like this because it's unprofessional.

[47:03] He has to get a physical from the island doctor.

[47:05] And when she tests him for, what, hernia, she makes a comment about how big his penis is.

[47:10] And from that point on, everyone on the island is calling him big boy.

[47:13] And I'm like, that's unprofessional.

[47:14] No, that part's unprofessional.

[47:15] The doctor told everyone they're this guy.

Stuart Wellington

[47:16] Up until that point, that doctor had been the paragon of the Hippocratic Oath.

Dan McCoy

[47:21] But I do feel like something comedically could have been done more with that.

[47:25] Yes.

[47:25] I was like, he's like so uninterested in it and, you know, takes the job as the maintenance person because he's so uninterested in all this type of stuff.

[47:33] But everyone is chasing him.

Elliott Kalan

[47:35] And he has like a couple moments where he's like narrating into a tape recorder about the psychological effect it's having on him to be like surrounded by sex.

[47:44] And like all that stuff, yeah, could have been funnier if they made more.

[47:47] Like if the movie was about him, like they could have done more with that character and made it funnier.

[47:51] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[47:51] Okay.

[47:53] So…

Elliott Kalan

[47:53] The idea of everyone who's trying to have sex with him is like, I just have, I'm a cop.

[47:56] I just have a job to do.

[47:57] And they're like, yeah, I like that fantasy.

[47:58] Let's keep going with it.

[47:59] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[48:00] No, no, you don't understand.

[48:00] It's real.

Stuart Wellington

[48:01] That scene doesn't happen.

[48:02] Yeah, so like there's some bits.

[48:04] But Sheila befriends her sub, Tommy, who's like doting on her and trying to suck her toes and also do nice things for her.

Elliott Kalan

[48:10] I'm just going to briefly mention that Tommy's subs is definitely a place in New Jersey.

[48:14] Yeah, sure it is.

Stuart Wellington

[48:16] And everyone, like all these characters are all trying to get Elliot alone.

[48:21] But it's hard because he's on a work detail or Mistress Lisa has this guy running all over the place.

Dan McCoy

[48:25] I know something about Elliot.

[48:26] He works too hard.

Elliott Kalan

[48:28] That was, this is one of the few times where it's the Milburn-Melbourne thing and also that Elliot is just working too hard.

[48:34] He has too many jobs.

Stuart Wellington

[48:35] We learn Lisa's backstory.

[48:36] There's some dead mom trauma coupled with like a little bit of stuff about her like learning on how to be a sub and also how to be a dominant from Hector Elizondo.

[48:46] She says the best submissives become the best dominance, which is that true?

[48:50] Yeah, I don't know.

[48:51] I'm not deep enough in that culture.

[48:53] But I mean, I guess it's possible.

[48:54] Anything's possible.

[48:56] Anything's possible.

Dan McCoy

[48:58] Elliot, for some reason when you said that, that really reminded me of the Chris Farley show.

[49:02] He's like, talking to Paul McCartney, he's like, you said, and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

[49:10] And he's like, yeah, I did, Chris.

[49:12] Is that true?

Stuart Wellington

[49:15] Okay, so this is where we have a pivotal, almost climactic scene between Elliot and Mistress Lisa, where he first helps her bathe.

Elliott Kalan

[49:24] And then she-

[49:25] This is one of the funniest cliches of erotic movies, which is the man shaving the woman's legs,

[49:31] which seems to be one of the least sexy things that you could do.

[49:34] Except for in cabin fever.

Dan McCoy

[49:35] I would, I'll be honest, I would be terrified that I would, you know, cut the woman.

[49:40] I don't want to do that.

Elliott Kalan

[49:40] I don't like shaving my own face with a safety razor.

[49:43] You guys aren't into knife play?

[49:44] That's fucking weird.

[49:46] Not something I'm into, yeah.

[49:48] Okay, well.

Stuart Wellington

[49:49] But you see this in many erotic movies.

[49:51] You don't put on a scream mask and participate in knife play?

[49:54] You guys are fucking weird.

Dan McCoy

[49:56] I guess I'm a real Dan Aykroyd.

[49:58] I'm too uptight.

[49:59] Yeah.

[49:59] You do have the same first name.

[50:01] True.

[50:02] True.

Stuart Wellington

[50:03] Huh.

[50:04] Okay, so this is the scene where Elliot allows himself to be-

Elliott Kalan

[50:08] A real Dan Aykroyd, he gets high on you.

[50:09] He doesn't do the selfies.

[50:10] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Stuart Wellington

[50:11] He allows himself to be chained up in the middle of the room, stripped naked.

[50:17] Not chained, those are ropes.

[50:18] Okay.

[50:19] Puts an eye mask over his eyes.

[50:22] In case he wants to sleep.

[50:24] And then Mistress Lisa begins lightly paddling his buttocks with a hairbrush, which he immediately is resistant to.

[50:34] He keeps saying, no, no, no.

[50:35] And I'm like, okay, guys, maybe stop.

Dan McCoy

[50:38] Yeah.

[50:38] And Dana Delaney, by the way, she like talks about how much she likes butts.

[50:42] And I'm like, same girl.

[50:43] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:44] Dan, no, really seen.

Elliott Kalan

[50:45] Can't have Dana without a Dan in there.

[50:47] Yeah.

[50:48] I will say, this is the one moment that feels, there's only one line in this that feels real to me.

[50:54] And it's when she says, I give you permission to like this.

[50:57] Which feels like it is the therapy that he needs.

[50:59] And it was like, oh, movie, if you had followed that thought.

[51:02] Yeah.

[51:02] That what she is doing is not awakening something in him that he doesn't know about or whatever.

[51:07] But that she's, this situation gives him permission to admit what he likes, which is kind of what they're getting at.

[51:13] But I feel like they don't hit it hard enough, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[51:15] Ultimately, in story like BDSM stories, that is kind of like the keystone.

[51:21] Yes.

[51:21] It's the idea of being able to, learning how to admit what you actually want.

[51:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:26] To accept your own desires.

[51:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[51:28] Wow, that, I feel like we should throw an Enigma soundtrack on me.

[51:35] Okay.

[51:36] So, shortly after, there's a lot of like, everybody's trying to get Elliot alone.

[51:41] And then there's this high stakes.

[51:43] Tell me about it.

[51:43] There's this high stakes roller blade race.

Elliott Kalan

[51:46] This is when I feel like the movie ran out of things to do.

[51:51] They're just like, I don't know, there's a roller blade race.

Stuart Wellington

[51:52] And now we learned that Elliot, we had already learned that Elliot is an accomplished roller skater because his submission video for the island involved him on roller skating.

[52:01] That's just good screenwriting.

Elliott Kalan

[52:03] That's just good screenwriting.

Stuart Wellington

[52:05] Which I'm like, hell yeah, this guy knows his greatest asset.

[52:08] Choose me for your sex island.

Elliott Kalan

[52:09] Your audition video should include raw, vulnerable, sexual appeal.

[52:14] And also, what are your special skills?

[52:16] Do you have any tricks?

[52:16] Talents.

[52:17] For a talent show.

[52:18] Okay, so Elliot wins the race.

[52:19] I know there's one guy who submitted his sex application video who does impressions.

[52:24] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[52:25] A little stand up.

[52:26] After winning the race, Elliot starts getting some attention from a woman.

[52:30] And that makes Mistress Lisa jealous.

[52:32] And she kind of claims him for herself.

[52:35] And it causes a little bit of a hullabaloo.

[52:37] And it also makes, it kind of makes her look lesser in the eyes of her coworkers.

[52:42] Yeah.

[52:43] But it saves him from Omar.

[52:44] Yeah, it saves him from getting blasted by Omar.

[52:48] Meanwhile.

[52:48] Now when you say blasted.

[52:50] Omar is the evil diamond smuggler.

[52:52] So he would most likely kill him.

[52:54] Oh, okay.

[52:54] Not Omar from the wire.

[52:56] No, no.

[52:56] He did blast a lot of people.

[52:57] He also would blast people.

[52:57] You always know when he's coming though because he whistles the farmer in the town.

[53:02] Okay, so there, at this point, this is where we get the montage where Sheila tries on like

[53:09] a BDSM, like a bondage fetish wear outfit, leather outfit.

[53:14] And she.

[53:16] She looks like a Lady Rob Halford.

[53:17] She kind of steals Elliot away from Nina, who is dressed up kind of like one of the characters

[53:23] from the Persona 4 video game.

[53:26] And she.

[53:26] I'll take your word for it.

[53:28] And this is, and then she's like leading him away.

[53:31] But before she can explain to Elliot what her real mission is, Mistress Lisa has her, has

[53:35] Elliot taken away.

[53:37] And this is where we get the scene that was key to the trailer where a guy says, let me,

[53:42] you know, fulfill your fantasy.

[53:45] And she says, paint my house.

[53:47] Brings the house down.

[53:48] Everybody cracks up.

Elliott Kalan

[53:49] Except I learned from the Irishman that painting houses means you're a hit man.

[53:52] My God.

[53:53] Wait, what?

[53:54] Yeah.

[53:55] That's what he was doing.

[53:56] You thought the Irishman was about a guy who paints houses.

[53:58] Yes.

[53:59] You got the Irishman mixed up with The War with Grandpa.

[54:01] A different Robert De Niro movie where he is a contractor who builds houses.

[54:05] Yeah.

[54:06] Okay.

[54:06] What if that was the same character?

Stuart Wellington

[54:08] What if?

[54:09] I think it would go a little something.

Elliott Kalan

[54:11] Hitman.

[54:11] He has to move in with his grandson.

Stuart Wellington

[54:13] I mean, the character from The Irishman dreams to have that close of a relationship with

[54:17] his family.

Elliott Kalan

[54:18] Yeah.

[54:18] Considering it ends with, yeah, him alone and his daughter never talking to him again.

Dan McCoy

[54:21] I mean, honestly, that would make it a lot funnier if like this kid.

Elliott Kalan

[54:23] It would make the Irishman a lot funnier.

Dan McCoy

[54:27] Sure.

[54:28] But also War with Grandpa.

[54:29] Like this kid is bedeviling this hitman.

[54:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[54:33] I mean, but no, I would love if The Irishman ended with The War with Grandpa.

Elliott Kalan

[54:38] Somebody's got to make that super cut.

[54:39] It's a four and a half hour movie where The Irishman ends with him having to move in with

[54:44] the son.

[54:44] It just says five years later.

[54:45] More Grandpa.

[54:47] That's like, I remember once a friend of mine told me about how his friend had edited all

[54:52] three RoboCop movies into one movie.

[54:54] And I'm like, wow, what a feat.

[54:56] And I assumed that he had like interspersed the scenes.

[54:58] Really?

[54:58] He had just taken one movie and then put a title that said five years later and then played

[55:02] the second movie.

[55:03] And then it said like two years later and then played the third movie.

[55:06] He had just cut the credits off.

[55:09] Not as big enough achievement.

Dan McCoy

[55:13] Not all.

[55:14] What was it?

[55:15] Will Wheaton who does that?

[55:16] I didn't Topher Grace.

[55:17] Topher Grace.

[55:17] Didn't Topher Grace edit all the prequels into one movie?

[55:20] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[55:21] Wait, that's what Topher Grace did?

[55:22] He just put like five years later?

[55:24] No, no, no.

[55:25] He actually cut them together into a movie.

[55:27] Okay.

[55:28] Well, okay.

[55:29] So at this point, Lisa realized that her relationship with Elliot is having a negative effect on

[55:36] her position on the island, which is very important to her core identity.

[55:39] So she has his stuff packed up.

[55:41] Unfortunately, that evidence, the role of film that has Omar's picture falls out of the bag.

[55:47] Uh-oh.

[55:48] And she is sending Elliot away and she's refunding his fee for being on the island.

Elliott Kalan

[55:56] She's making him sail away, sail away, sail away.

[56:00] I don't know if it was on the Pure Moods album, but it should have been.

[56:03] I believe.

[56:04] I think maybe it was.

[56:05] It was.

[56:06] Or Nico Flo.

[56:07] That was young Elliot's doing it playlist?

[56:10] Yeah, that was young.

[56:11] Yeah, young Elliot definitely had a doing it playlist.

[56:13] Young Elliot was certainly doing it, Stu.

Dan McCoy

[56:16] Doing it and doing it and doing it well.

Elliott Kalan

[56:18] That was certainly a thing that young...

[56:18] That was on mine.

[56:20] Yeah, and also, this is how we do it.

[56:22] Also online.

[56:22] That was on there, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:24] You're doing it.

[56:25] CD was that monk chant CD that was pretty pleased.

Elliott Kalan

[56:29] It was actually a chipmunk's chant CD.

Dan McCoy

[56:31] It's the same chant, just higher.

[56:34] Christmas time is here.

[56:36] That kind of stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[56:37] As I slowly undid my robe.

[56:40] Yeah, another...

[56:41] Your silk kimono falls to the floor.

[56:43] It's just the mood like...

[56:44] I just want a hula hoop.

[56:47] An altered falsetto.

[56:48] You show off your ceremonial katana.

[56:52] Yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[56:53] There was a lot of...

[56:54] No knife play, but there was a lot of ninja play.

[56:56] Yeah, I love it.

Dan McCoy

[56:57] Okay, so...

[56:59] It was just you pretending to be different Ninja Turtles.

Elliott Kalan

[57:03] Yeah, I would be like, who are you going to be with tonight?

[57:05] Raphael?

Dan McCoy

[57:06] Oh, a bad boy.

[57:07] Do you want someone cool but rude or a party dude tonight?

[57:10] Yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[57:10] Do you want sensitive Donatello or do you want dutiful?

[57:13] We'll make you cum but won't enjoy it, Leonardo.

[57:19] Mindful, you don't know what you're going to get.

Dan McCoy

[57:22] You're going to have fun doing it, though.

[57:23] You're going to have fun.

[57:24] Maybe you'll have a great evening.

[57:25] Maybe he'll just forget you're there.

[57:27] He'll be eating some pizza for a while.

Elliott Kalan

[57:29] Either way, you're leaving with a story.

[57:31] No, let me put on the music.

Dan McCoy

[57:36] The music is the chiming teethy.

Elliott Kalan

[57:39] But like a slow, a slow kind of, like a Barry White version.

[57:44] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[57:44] Okay.

[57:45] They're the world's most fearsome fighting team.

Elliott Kalan

[57:48] Oh, yeah.

[57:49] That's more like a melting room.

Stuart Wellington

[57:50] Heroes in a half shell.

Elliott Kalan

[57:52] And they're green.

Stuart Wellington

[57:53] Okay.

[57:54] So Lisa tries to send Elliot away.

[57:56] Elliot stops her and he's like, look, I'm going to go to New Orleans.

[58:00] You should come with me.

[58:01] I'm going to go there no matter what.

Elliott Kalan

[58:02] I'm going to go and do the most touristy fucking things New Orleans can offer.

Stuart Wellington

[58:06] Rub a beignet.

[58:08] She's resistant, but obviously there's a part of her that wants to do this.

[58:13] Her vagina.

[58:13] And she eventually decides to go with him.

[58:15] That's the part.

[58:16] So Elliot convinced Lisa to join him on his NOLA trip.

[58:21] Meanwhile, they've already left.

[58:23] And at this point, Sheila is trying to get some information on the hotel computer.

Elliott Kalan

[58:27] Wherever Eden is located, it is just a hop to New Orleans.

[58:31] And San Diego.

[58:32] And San Diego.

[58:32] It takes no time to get.

[58:33] You can take a boat from San Diego to get there, but it also takes you no time to get to Nolans.

[58:37] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[58:39] Nina then sneaks up and attacks Sheila.

[58:41] So we get a little bit of like a fetish wear fight between Amon and Rosie O'Donnell.

[58:48] Dan Ayroyd stumbles in and he's like, oh, I'm sorry for interrupting.

[58:51] I'll leave you alone, ladies.

Elliott Kalan

[58:52] They're doing the part of the fight that involves them thrusting their hips against each other,

[58:55] which doesn't make sense as a fighting move.

[58:56] It's just a joke, everybody.

Stuart Wellington

[58:57] But she's, Amon is incapacitated and they realize that Omar is already on

[59:01] his way to New Orleans and he is going after Elliot and Lisa.

Elliott Kalan

[59:06] Folks, we are deep into act three now.

[59:08] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[59:10] So Omar tracks them down.

[59:12] They're having their like romantic touristy trip where they're just wandering around.

Elliott Kalan

[59:16] They go see the jugglers on Bourbon Street.

[59:20] He buys her a croissant and then licks butter off her boobs.

[59:24] You know, that's, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:25] The most sensual way.

[59:26] And I'm like, a croissant already has a fuckload of butter in it, dude.

[59:29] You don't have to butter a croissant.

[59:30] The funny thing is.

Elliott Kalan

[59:31] That's going to cause some farts, everybody.

[59:33] And the funny thing is.

[59:34] Cause some farts.

[59:36] Is that the look on Dana Delaney's face is lack of interest in anything but her breakfast.

[59:42] Yeah.

[59:42] Which I thought it was.

[59:43] It's like they've been together for a day and already she seems to be over the magic of Elliot.

[59:47] Yeah.

[59:48] And I'll tell you this movie.

[59:50] I've been there.

[59:51] Girls have gotten over the magic of Elliot very quickly.

Stuart Wellington

[59:54] Okay, so Sheila and Fred also pursue Omar, Elliot, and Lisa.

[1:00:01] Elliot and Lisa go on a antebellum mansion tour.

[1:00:07] Where they find a secluded bedroom with one of those canopy beds.

[1:00:13] A four poster bed, yeah.

[1:00:14] And they have a romantic tryst that is, I would say, like, diet Zalman King.

[1:00:20] Yes.

[1:00:20] This whole movie feels very Zalman King-like.

[1:00:23] By the way, if Zalman King had directed this, crazy time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:26] I feel like.

[1:00:27] Crazy what?

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:28] Crazy time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:28] Certainly it was Gary Marshall trying to channel his inner Zalman King.

[1:00:32] And it's more of an inner Alan King.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:34] Oh.

[1:00:36] Okay.

[1:00:37] So Omar strikes while they are cleaning up.

[1:00:42] He holds a silence pistol to them and he demands the film.

[1:00:46] There's a scuffle.

[1:00:47] In the fight, he chucks Dana Delaney out of a window, which is kind of crazy.

[1:00:52] That is crazy.

[1:00:53] Yeah.

[1:00:54] Sheila then shoots Omar, but that's not enough.

[1:00:58] He almost takes her out before Fred shoots Omar, killing him in front of a whole bunch of people.

[1:01:03] They show their badges.

[1:01:04] They are, they're like, don't worry, we're LAPD, which is a weird thing to do in New Orleans.

[1:01:09] Well, they might think LA stands for Louisiana.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:11] Yeah, that's actually true.

[1:01:12] Also, like, Aykroyd, like, gives like a speech that then like sort of like fades out towards the end and Rosie O'Donnell's narration took over.

[1:01:20] I'm like, I wonder what didn't work here that they had to cover.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:25] Okay.

[1:01:26] This was an earlier time, though, when police officers shooting people in front of other people was considered just, you know, good stuff.

[1:01:32] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:33] You know, just part of the job, you know.

[1:01:36] At this point, they, you know, they're down at the police station in New Orleans.

[1:01:41] Lisa needs some time alone.

[1:01:44] And then she uses that time alone to sneak back to the island and leave Elliot.

[1:01:49] Meanwhile, Fred's ex-wife or wife shows up and they rekindle their romance, which is, you know, that's nice.

[1:01:58] Sheila tracks down Elliot, finds out that Lisa has left him.

[1:02:02] And she says, look, I'm actually, I have to go back to the island to get that film.

[1:02:06] Why don't you come with me?

[1:02:07] And he's like, okay.

[1:02:08] So they go back to the island in the, Elliot makes this big gesture and he proposes marriage.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:15] And then she shows up in her room tied up again like he was on that magic night when she briefly, slightly tapped his butt.

[1:02:23] But now he's wearing a tuxedo.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:25] And he proposes to get married and explains all those things like, hey, we can still be who we are.

[1:02:31] Just we'll be together.

[1:02:33] Yeah.

[1:02:33] Hooray.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:34] It'll be in my vows that you can spank me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:36] And then Sheila, as she's leaving, bumps into Tommy, who is her sub.

[1:02:40] And it turns out that he is actually a CEO that has businesses in multiple cities.

[1:02:45] And that one of those businesses in LA where she's a police officer and that he would like to take her out to dinner, which she seems surprised by.

[1:02:53] And then they kiss.

[1:02:53] And then it turns out he actually has somebody paint her house.

[1:02:56] End of movie.

[1:02:57] Oh.

[1:02:57] Exit.

[1:02:58] You did it.

[1:02:58] Exiting.

[1:02:59] Exiting.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:00] Now exiting.

[1:03:01] Exit to Eden.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:03] Guys, what a movie.

[1:03:05] What a picture.

[1:03:06] What a picture.

[1:03:06] It is.

[1:03:07] Mostly how I remember it from when I saw it again in the theater.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:11] It's funny because, again, I saw it, I think, on HBO when I was also around 14 or 15.

[1:03:15] And it's amazing which parts of it I was like, oh, yeah.

[1:03:18] Because if you had asked me that, I would have remembered none of it.

[1:03:20] But there were parts where I was like, oh, yeah, I remember not understanding this at the time.

[1:03:23] And I still don't quite understand it.

[1:03:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:25] Yeah.

[1:03:26] What I remembered about it was basically Dana Delaney was hot and the comedy didn't work.

[1:03:33] And how do you feel about it now?

[1:03:34] The same.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:36] Oh, okay.

[1:03:36] So nothing has changed in the end of the year.

[1:03:38] None of your life experiences have been brought to bear on this anyway.

[1:03:41] Yeah, I mean, the biggest thing is great works of art change over the years.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:45] Maybe less than once.

[1:03:47] I would say that this is probably final judgments time, Dan.

[1:03:51] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:51] Final judgments.

[1:03:52] Well, how does that go?

[1:03:53] It goes like this.

[1:03:55] Is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie that we kind of like?

[1:03:59] Now, we should make sure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:00] Do you think the movie wants to be called bad?

[1:04:03] Does it get pleasure out of that?

[1:04:05] Is it?

[1:04:05] That's true.

[1:04:06] Because I don't want to give the movie pleasure.

[1:04:07] Playing right into its hands.

[1:04:08] Exactly, yeah.

[1:04:08] Is its kink being judged harshly?

[1:04:11] It's hard to say.

[1:04:12] Here's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:13] This is probably the time of the podcast where we should all talk about our own personal kinks.

[1:04:17] Yeah, let's go for it.

[1:04:18] Yeah.

[1:04:20] Look, I'm going to-

[1:04:21] Giant test for Elliot, right?

[1:04:23] What?

[1:04:23] Giant test.

[1:04:24] Giant test.

[1:04:26] Just pick me up and put me in your pocket.

[1:04:28] Or me.

[1:04:28] Just treat me like a little baby, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:30] Or a giant Tess of the Dobervilles.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:32] Same thing.

[1:04:32] I mean, I'm on the record.

[1:04:34] Reading Tess of the Dobervilles a few years ago was when it was-

[1:04:37] That year was the most intense experience engaging with a work of art that I had the entire year.

[1:04:43] Great book, Tess of the Dobervilles.

[1:04:44] Highly recommend it.

[1:04:46] Maybe I'll actually read it.

[1:04:47] Super hot.

[1:04:48] Especially if she was bigger.

[1:04:50] There's a reason they call him Thomas Hardy.

[1:04:52] Okay.

[1:04:53] Especially if she was bigger.

[1:04:54] Yeah, if it's called Giant Tess of the Dobervilles.

[1:04:55] I feel like she would have been able to get away with just stomping on people if she needed to.

[1:04:59] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1:05:00] Yeah.

[1:05:01] You know what?

Dan McCoy

[1:05:01] Giant Tess.

[1:05:02] I'm going to go bad, bad.

[1:05:04] Guarding Giant Tess?

[1:05:05] Oh, yeah.

[1:05:05] Bad, bad?

[1:05:06] Oh, interesting.

[1:05:06] I'm going to go bad, bad.

[1:05:07] I-

[1:05:07] Because it is pretty boring.

[1:05:12] You would think that this would-

[1:05:14] Like, this is like a-

[1:05:15] So, Dan, this didn't shock or challenge you?

[1:05:18] Well, you'd think that this was like this, like, sex comedy slash, I guess, BDSM drama.

[1:05:24] Like, would be, you know, 90 minutes long.

[1:05:28] No, no, no.

[1:05:28] It's almost two hours long, despite feeling totally chopped up.

[1:05:34] I almost would recommend it to people who are fans of bad movies to watch as a bad, bad movie, just because it's so inexplicable.

[1:05:42] It is a-

[1:05:42] Yes.

[1:05:43] It is a very weird experience.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:45] A lot of people had to make the decision to make this movie.

[1:05:48] And I would-

[1:05:49] This is-

[1:05:50] I would, like, I want to read the book about the making of this movie.

[1:05:53] I'm more interested in the making of this movie at this point than I am in the making of Star Wars.

[1:05:58] Maybe because I know more about that already.

[1:05:59] Yeah.

[1:05:59] Like, I want to know how this happened.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:01] Yeah, but I find it a little too difficult to get through to go good, bad.

[1:06:06] And also, this is not a movie that is readily available if you want to run out and watch it.

[1:06:12] It is not streaming anywhere.

[1:06:13] The DVD is out of print.

[1:06:15] We had to, you know-

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:16] We had to break into the Gary Marshall archives.

[1:06:19] Yes.

[1:06:19] Get his personal print.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:21] Yeah.

[1:06:21] So, I'm letting you off the hook by saying you don't have to try and watch it.

[1:06:26] But what do you guys think?

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:27] Yeah, I mean, I think there's something kind of fascinating about how wrongheaded the whole thing is and how it does feel like movies that are kind of taped together.

[1:06:36] It is, like, shockingly unsexy, which is impressive.

[1:06:42] So, yeah, I'm going to say this is a bad, bad movie.

[1:06:44] I'm not, like, mad at it because I'm glad that I forced you guys to watch this movie.

[1:06:49] And I'm glad that I am able to fill in a gaping hole in my cinema knowledge.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:56] Really?

[1:06:57] I'm going to say bad, bad also.

[1:06:58] Yeah, more because it is a tepid movie more than else.

[1:07:02] It is neither-

[1:07:03] Not hot.

[1:07:04] But it's also, like, it's not painfully offensive.

[1:07:07] It's not, like, horribly, like, bizarre.

[1:07:11] Instead, it's just, like, why did they make this movie?

[1:07:13] Like, why did they make it?

[1:07:15] And then when making that decision, why did they, like, do it so, for lack of a better word, like, vanilla?

[1:07:20] You know?

[1:07:20] Yeah, and I mean, obviously, the-

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:22] I'm sure there's a certain amount of offensiveness to the portrayal of kink culture.

[1:07:27] But, I mean, it's so, like, it feels like a, like, grandpa doesn't understand sort of thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:31] That's the thing.

[1:07:32] It feels like grandpa doesn't-

[1:07:33] It doesn't feel like we're judging these people.

[1:07:35] And it also doesn't feel like let's get nasty.

[1:07:37] It feels like grandpa doesn't understand.

[1:07:38] Yeah.

[1:07:39] And it's-

[1:07:40] And that grandpa's name is Kerry Marshall.

[1:07:42] A lovable guy.

[1:07:43] A lovable grandpa.

[1:07:44] It's like a bad movie that I am not unhappy is hard to find because why would you watch it?

[1:07:49] But it's not so bad that I'm like, you gotta see this thing.

[1:07:52] It is-

[1:07:52] I feel like my new benchmark for movies like that is the Ice Cube War of the Worlds.

[1:07:56] And it is, you know, it's just-

[1:07:58] It's nowhere near it, you know?

[1:07:59] Yeah.

[1:07:59] You gotta see that movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:00] It's so dumb.

[1:08:01] It's so dumb.

[1:08:02] You know what?

[1:08:03] This feels like a good time to talk a little bit about MaxFunDrive.

[1:08:07] I want to make the case-

[1:08:08] Let's do it.

[1:08:08] I want to make the case, listeners, for why listener-supported media is important.

[1:08:13] We are currently living in a time when the media landscape, quite frankly, sucks.

[1:08:19] Consolidation of big studios and networks and production companies is reducing the number and kinds of things that get made.

[1:08:28] AI is slopping its gross anti-human, anti-artist, anti-environmental shit all over everything.

[1:08:35] And the government is trying to turn everything into state-owned puppet media.

[1:08:39] So, I don't want to put too much weight on our silly show about bad movies, but I do think that these days, the model that we represent is more important than ever.

[1:08:47] Our podcast is artist-owned.

[1:08:49] We are under no pressure to do it a different way.

[1:08:53] And we're affiliated with MaxFun through a handshake deal.

[1:08:56] We could walk away and retain our show.

[1:08:59] But we're with them because we want to be there.

[1:09:01] And the portion of your membership money that goes to the network is going to a worker-owned collective.

[1:09:05] Instead of all funneling to the top of some corporation, MaxFun employees share in the company's decision-making and its profits.

[1:09:16] And if you're going to do business, I think it's just about the most ethical, creator-friendly way to do it in this capitalist society.

[1:09:24] And unfortunately, in a capitalist society, one way to express your voice is to choose where your money goes.

[1:09:30] And I know that I personally am a lot happier with my monthly support of MaxFun than basically any other company you could go to.

[1:09:37] And you know what?

[1:09:39] It means more to us than it would to some fucking billionaire somewhere.

[1:09:43] So I know it's a hard time in the world if your dollars need to go elsewhere, either as charitable giving or because your household needs to tighten its belt.

[1:09:52] Believe me, I understand that.

[1:09:54] But if you have the means to, let's say, buy a fancy coffee once a month, consider supporting the shows you love starting at just $5 a month at MaximumFun.org slash join.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:13] MaxFunDrive starts next week.

[1:10:16] MaxFun shows like this one are creator-owned, the network is worker-owned, and we're all supported by members just like you.

[1:10:24] MaxFunDrive is the best time to support the shows you love.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:28] You can get Drive-exclusive gifts, a bunch of new bonus content, and join in on the fun as shows hit their milestones.

[1:10:35] Plus, we've got dozens of meetups and counting.

[1:10:38] We've got live streams and more.

[1:10:40] So stay tuned because you don't want to miss it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:42] MaxFunDrive 2026 is starting Monday, April 20th.

S4

[1:10:48] I'm Jordan Cruciola, host of Feeling Scene, where every week I have a different actor, director, or writer as my co-host.

[1:10:55] And whoever that co-host may be, it is a sure bet that we are digging deep and having a great time doing it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:03] I love that you just did that.

S4

[1:11:06] Yeah, I mean, if I were going to join a cult, I think this might be it.

[1:11:09] A fresh look at your favorite film and a peek behind the curtain at how movies get made.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:14] Okay, I'm going to tell you this whole story.

[1:11:16] Okay, I almost got fired from that movie.

S4

[1:11:17] You should be listening to Feeling Scene.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:21] I had so much fun.

[1:11:22] I love what you're doing.

S4

[1:11:23] I hope I did okay.

[1:11:24] New episodes every week on Maximum Fun.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:30] Let's move to letters from listeners.

[1:11:33] And I apologize.

[1:11:35] Letters.

[1:11:36] Ooh.

[1:11:39] From listeners.

[1:11:40] Ooh.

[1:11:41] Ooh.

[1:11:44] Letters.

[1:11:45] Due to.

[1:11:46] Seduction.

[1:11:47] Due to some.

[1:11:48] Deception.

[1:11:50] Listeners.

[1:11:52] Due to some technical difficulties.

[1:11:55] I just, I cannot find the full letters, but I have the questions from the letters.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:01] Technical difficulties.

[1:12:02] Technical difficulties.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:04] Testicle difficulties.

[1:12:05] No, the technical difficulties are within my own brain.

[1:12:08] I apologize to the writers of those letters, but I want to get their questions out there.

[1:12:12] Yeah, these questions are too important to hold back on.

[1:12:15] Yeah.

[1:12:15] Here's one.

[1:12:17] Who would you want to interview you out of anyone living or dead in the last 100 years or so?

[1:12:25] Who would you want to interview you out of anyone living or dead in the last 100 years or so?

[1:12:30] Now, do you think this is like a public interview or a private interview?

[1:12:34] Like an interview with a vampire?

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:36] I mean, that was.

[1:12:37] That was kind of both, right?

[1:12:38] That was for public.

[1:12:39] It was in private.

[1:12:39] But I mean, like, are they interviewing us, like, on a TV show?

[1:12:42] Or are they interviewing us, like, for therapy?

Dan McCoy

[1:12:45] I presume it's for.

[1:12:46] Public consumption?

[1:12:47] Consumption.

[1:12:48] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:48] And who would interview us?

[1:12:50] Because at first I misread this as who would you want to interview the last 100 years.

[1:12:54] And I'm like, I already did it.

[1:12:55] Robert Caro.

[1:12:56] No, no.

[1:12:56] And the 99% Invisible Breakdown.

[1:12:57] Who would you like?

Dan McCoy

[1:12:58] Who do you think would do a good job interviewing you?

[1:13:02] I mean, I'm so multifaceted.

[1:13:04] That's the issue.

[1:13:05] That's true.

[1:13:05] Yeah.

[1:13:06] I mean, it's pretty.

[1:13:07] It feels like just like log rolling for the network.

[1:13:10] But I do love Jesse Thorne's interviews.

[1:13:14] I think he is a great interviewer.

[1:13:16] And I think that as someone who knows me a bit personally, he could, he would be good for the task.

[1:13:24] You're a turtle shell, right?

[1:13:24] You know, he would know what's asked.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:26] As someone who has been interviewed by Jesse Thorne on Bullseye, you're right.

[1:13:30] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:31] Yeah, yeah, you are right, Dan.

[1:13:33] Yeah.

[1:13:33] I mean, I haven't been interviewed on Bullseye, but I haven't accomplished anything.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:39] No, you haven't written a book about farming anything.

[1:13:45] About harming jokes?

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:46] No, let alone jokes.

[1:13:48] So I think, I feel like, I think of the late night talk show hosts, I think Seth Meyers and I would get along the best.

[1:13:55] You know, he's a drinker, but like in like a good way, not a bad way.

[1:13:59] Like somebody.

[1:14:01] Some other late night hosts.

[1:14:02] Yeah, like some other late night hosts.

[1:14:04] Or on names.

[1:14:04] Yeah, that's on names.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:04] Or reasons of us not getting sued.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:06] I think, say more about Seth Meyers, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:09] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:14:10] I feel like he's got, and he's got like a certain, he's got a certain riz.

[1:14:14] Yeah, for sure.

[1:14:14] Just like me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:15] Yeah, and I'd say Larry King, because who knows what that guy's going to be.

[1:14:18] Oh, man.

[1:14:19] Does not know where he is.

[1:14:21] I don't know what's going in it.

[1:14:23] What's coming out of that mouth or what's going in his ears.

[1:14:25] So, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:26] There was a, I can't remember who the interviewer was, but it was on, it was on like the Today Show where somebody was interviewing Anya Taylor-Joy.

[1:14:33] And they're like, so you're going to be playing Joni Mitchell in a biopic.

[1:14:37] Now, you're also playing Princess Peach.

[1:14:39] How are those two people similar?

[1:14:42] I saw this.

[1:14:42] And the look on Anya Taylor-Joy's face where she's like, okay, this is go time.

[1:14:47] We got to figure this out.

[1:14:48] I got to do this.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:49] That's a good question.

[1:14:50] It's part of my job to pretend like this isn't wild that you asked this question.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:53] I think her response was, she's like, they're both singular.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:58] Yeah.

[1:14:59] No, that's a good answer.

[1:15:01] Yeah.

[1:15:02] Yeah.

[1:15:02] So, I mean, maybe if we were interviewed by Anya Taylor-Joy, she could take some of that experience of.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:09] Oh, Jennifer Lawrence.

[1:15:11] My mistake.

[1:15:11] She's my favorite.

[1:15:12] Oh, shit.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:12] That was a great, you saw the Actors on Actors that she did?

[1:15:16] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:16] Yeah.

[1:15:16] She was like really like needling.

[1:15:20] DiCaprio?

[1:15:21] DiCaprio.

[1:15:21] Oh, I love it so much.

[1:15:23] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:23] How do you see that?

[1:15:23] I haven't seen that.

[1:15:24] How do you see it?

[1:15:25] YouTube.

[1:15:25] Oh, okay.

[1:15:26] I think it was for Variety or something.

[1:15:28] And she was like specifically saying how great it was that he had a teenage daughter and how he looks so good to have a teenage daughter.

[1:15:36] It's like, you're online enough to know what you're doing, ma'am.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:40] No, it's like DiCaprio, like his expressions were just like, it's like eyes would like micro widen.

[1:15:48] And he's like, I don't know how to respond to any of this.

[1:15:52] I'm trying to maintain my like usual level of like enigma.

[1:15:57] Enigma?

[1:15:58] Yeah.

[1:15:58] The artist behind Return to Innocency?

[1:16:00] Exactly.

[1:16:01] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:02] Oh, that's on his doing it playlist.

[1:16:04] Oh, you know it.

[1:16:05] That he apparently listens to while according to stories.

[1:16:08] Not so, okay.

[1:16:09] But on headphones, right?

[1:16:10] Yeah, yeah, on headphones, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:11] Yeah, I don't know that she would get good answers out of me because I'd be so discombobulated and thrown off.

[1:16:16] But it would be a great interview.

[1:16:18] Yeah.

[1:16:18] Just for like.

[1:16:19] You'd enjoy it.

[1:16:20] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:22] It's a story, you know.

[1:16:23] Because that's your kink to be put on the spot by Jennifer Lawrence.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:26] Yeah.

[1:16:27] I mean, kind of.

[1:16:28] Here's another question.

[1:16:30] Oh, okay.

[1:16:30] Sure.

[1:16:31] Devoid of a letter.

[1:16:32] I apologize.

[1:16:32] Thank you for writing in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:34] So we have no context.

[1:16:36] So this.

[1:16:36] I.

[1:16:37] We could be answering this all wrong.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:38] I looked all over.

[1:16:39] If I may have disappeared for the end part of Stuart's synopsis, it was because I was desperately trying to find the original letters.

[1:16:47] I apologize.

[1:16:47] Desperately seeking Susan if Susan wrote this letter and asked this question.

[1:16:50] Here we go.

[1:16:51] It goes like this.

[1:16:52] Elliot's book, Joke Farming, is available now.

[1:16:56] Thank you for doing that plug for me.

[1:16:57] Dan and Stuart, if you were to write a similarly titled book, what would you be farming?

[1:17:02] Elliot, what would you farm if not jokes?

[1:17:05] I'll tell you right off the bat.

[1:17:07] Chickens.

[1:17:07] All right, guys.

[1:17:08] What would you farm?

[1:17:10] Here's the thing.

[1:17:11] I was thinking about this and I was like, am I very boring and limited?

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:17] Am I the asshole?

[1:17:18] Am I the asshole, guys?

Dan McCoy

[1:17:19] Am I boring and limited?

[1:17:21] Because I felt like what I think I could write a good book about is farming the wheat among the chaff of things that are considered bad movies.

[1:17:33] The interesting stuff out there within stuff that's usually dismissed.

[1:17:39] Because there's other stuff I can do.

[1:17:42] Like I do a lot of cooking.

[1:17:45] I do a lot of drawing.

[1:17:46] But I don't know if I can write a good book about those things.

[1:17:49] That's what I was thinking about.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:51] I bet you could.

[1:17:52] It just takes the energy, the motivation, the time, the discipline.

[1:17:56] So maybe you could.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:58] Classic joke construct.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:00] That's why I wrote the book.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:03] Convincing yourself of something.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:06] Yeah, I feel like I'd write a book about power brokers or some shit.

[1:18:09] JK, JK.

[1:18:10] Burn.

[1:18:11] Let's give a serious answer.

[1:18:12] I don't understand.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:12] How is that a burn?

[1:18:13] I don't understand.

[1:18:14] You got burned.

[1:18:15] How is that a burn?

[1:18:16] You'll understand when you read your own joke book.

[1:18:20] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:21] To give a serious answer.

[1:18:23] I feel like.

[1:18:23] In the form of insults, but I don't know what he's actually saying.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:25] I feel like I could write a book about building a community within like a nerdy subculture.

[1:18:36] Either through like a gaming hobby or something like that or at a bar.

[1:18:40] Because that's.

[1:18:41] I'm kind of drawn to community building.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:44] If they ask me, I could write a book.

[1:18:47] Yeah.

[1:18:48] Hey, let's move on.

[1:18:50] Why not?

[1:18:51] Sure.

[1:18:51] Let's do it.

[1:18:53] Recommendations.

[1:18:53] Sure.

[1:18:55] Movies that we've seen and enjoyed.

[1:18:59] I'm going to give.

[1:19:00] This is going to be a qualified recommendation.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:02] Exit to Eden.

[1:19:04] Rare for Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:05] A qualified recommendation.

[1:19:06] I saw this at a weird Wednesday screening.

[1:19:10] Citizen Kane.

[1:19:12] It was a little movie called Pajama Party.

[1:19:16] And over the last several months, they've been screening one a month.

[1:19:21] The Beach Party series.

[1:19:23] Oh, okay.

[1:19:24] With Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon.

[1:19:28] And this is sort of later into the series.

[1:19:30] Frankie Avalon has a cameo in it.

[1:19:33] But the lead, the male lead is actually Tommy Kirk in this one.

[1:19:37] It's Annette Funicello.

[1:19:38] The lesser Frankie Avalon.

[1:19:39] Yeah.

[1:19:39] And Tommy Kirk.

[1:19:40] But like, I had been like, my friend Kirby was like, I'm seeing these movies and like,

[1:19:46] why?

[1:19:47] Why?

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:48] I know this is not the case, but I'm imagining the pink ghost from the Nintendo games.

[1:19:51] Yeah.

[1:19:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:53] I mean, is he a ghost?

[1:19:55] What is he if he's not a ghost?

[1:19:56] I mean, he's like a hunger spirit, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:58] Yeah, exactly.

[1:19:59] I went to see this and I was delighted by how the jokes were so fast and dumb that it bordered

[1:20:08] on surrealism and it felt honestly like it was a Zucker Abrams Zucker style parody movie,

[1:20:16] except they were parodying itself.

[1:20:18] Like, there's no like straight genre of beach party movie that they're parodying.

[1:20:23] It's just like, it feels like a parody for something that doesn't exist.

[1:20:27] The caveat that I mentioned before is Buster Keaton is in this movie.

[1:20:31] I was going to ask if that was the one Buster Keaton.

[1:20:33] He is playing an indigenous character, yeah, and it is a 1960s version of a Native American

[1:20:43] character.

[1:20:44] It is sensitive.

[1:20:46] I would say it is not done with any overt malice, but it is certainly a cartoon stereotype.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:53] I remember reading the book, The Films of Buster Keaton, and getting to this one.

[1:20:56] Yeah.

[1:20:57] I've never seen it.

[1:20:57] Beginning of this one being like, wait, what?

Dan McCoy

[1:21:00] There's one very funny scene he has that has nothing to do with him playing a Native character.

[1:21:05] But otherwise, I think if you chose to watch this, you could easily just fast forward through

[1:21:11] any scenes with him if it bothered you because he is extraneous to the plot.

[1:21:16] But it is a very zany movie.

[1:21:18] It is a movie about Tommy Kirk is a Martian.

[1:21:22] He's like the advanced man for an invasion.

[1:21:25] And Don Rickles is up on Mars just heckling him.

[1:21:28] It's not pretty great.

[1:21:30] And there's a beat.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:32] Don Rickles, he normally doesn't heckle people.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:34] Yeah.

[1:21:35] There's a wacky biker gang.

[1:21:37] Eventually, the titular pajama party happens, and Annette Punicello sings a song about there

[1:21:42] being a pajama party.

[1:21:43] Love it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:43] It's just very silly.

[1:21:45] I feel like we are due for a parody of a beach party movie, right?

[1:21:49] Are we?

Dan McCoy

[1:21:50] Back in...

[1:21:51] When we were kids.

[1:21:52] We're due for it, yeah.

[1:21:52] Yeah, we're due for it.

[1:21:53] I don't think anyone remembers these movies exist.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:54] I think if you did it now, people would not know it was a parody, which might work in

[1:21:58] its favor.

[1:21:59] Yeah.

[1:21:59] They just think it was a weird movie.

[1:22:01] But I think, Dan, that it makes me sad to hear that you're like, this movie is hilarious,

[1:22:06] except for the scenes with one of the pure comic geniuses of film.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:10] I know.

[1:22:10] Poor guy.

[1:22:11] But it's a lot of funny, stupid gags.

[1:22:14] And also watching it, I'm like, oh, this is really the precursor to all of the more overt

[1:22:21] 80s sex comedies that eventually were made.

[1:22:24] This is the innocent, silly version of something like Hard Bodies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:30] Yeah, yeah.

[1:22:31] Screwballs, et cetera.

[1:22:32] Anyway.

[1:22:33] Miracle Beach.

[1:22:34] Yeah.

[1:22:35] Miracle Mile?

[1:22:37] That's what I'm talking about.

[1:22:38] I am going to recommend...

[1:22:40] I'm going to recommend...

[1:22:41] I guess, let's call it a qualified recommendation.

[1:22:43] Not really.

[1:22:43] I'm going to recommend a movie that Dan and I recently hosted a screening of at the Nighthawk

[1:22:49] Cinema.

[1:22:50] We were lucky enough to host a screening, invited by past guest Christina Cacioppo, part of her

[1:22:57] Ridiculous Sublime series, which is...

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:00] One of, if not the top movie programmer in America, I would say.

[1:23:03] She's great.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:03] And her series, Ridiculous Sublime, is such a treat.

[1:23:07] If you live in New York and you have a chance to go see any of these movies, it's such...

[1:23:12] It's such just like a fun time at the movies.

[1:23:15] It's always packed.

[1:23:16] People are super into it.

[1:23:17] It's really fun.

[1:23:18] And we got to host a screening of Swordfish from 2001, starring Hugh Jackman, John Travolta,

[1:23:25] Halle Berry, Don Cheadle, et al.

[1:23:29] Mm-hmm.

[1:23:30] Et al?

[1:23:31] How'd they get him?

[1:23:33] And yeah, I...

[1:23:34] Is he Weird Al's brother?

[1:23:35] This is a movie I had never seen.

[1:23:38] And so I didn't really have any context other than I remember the trailers being ridiculous.

[1:23:43] And it was that kind of like new metal era of action movies.

[1:23:47] Yeah.

[1:23:47] And I was really excited to get to see it.

[1:23:50] Like, that's the sort of thing that was so fun...

[1:23:51] It's so fun to see it on the big screen.

[1:23:53] Like, I think Dan has mentioned, but like, as I get older, my like window of nostalgia gets bigger.

[1:23:58] And it, like, envelops things that at the time I did not...

[1:24:02] Like, I thought I was too good for.

[1:24:04] Yeah.

[1:24:04] And now I'm like, no, give me more of this.

[1:24:06] Can you make this sequence more stylized but harder to pay attention to?

Dan McCoy

[1:24:11] Can you do a post-Matrix 360 bullet time explosion?

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:16] And that explosion, like, at the time was like the most expensive effect they had ever done.

[1:24:20] And in the movie, it's kind of worthless.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:23] Swordfish is the one, right, where he tells this...

[1:24:25] He gives the talk about how Thomas Jefferson murdered a man.

[1:24:28] Yes.

[1:24:28] Which is completely made up.

[1:24:30] There's not even a legend it's referring to.

[1:24:33] Yeah.

[1:24:33] But there's a page on the Monticello website that addresses that rumor and says, no, this never happened.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:41] Yeah, I think it was a lot of fun to host.

[1:24:43] It was fun to host with my buddy Dan.

[1:24:45] And I think it's like, I don't know, if you have an affection for that, like, era of cinema,

[1:24:50] which I feel like I'm discovering I do have an affection for it, check it out.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:55] I mentioned that that was false in our intro, which led to a big laugh when that moment came in the thing.

[1:25:02] And I also, Elliot, I mentioned that, of course, at The Daily Show, that was one of the top, like, meeting ending videos that we would watch.

[1:25:11] It was in hacking, yeah.

[1:25:12] It was Hugh Jackman doing hacking.

[1:25:14] That sequence is so great.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:15] It's so funny.

[1:25:17] Yeah.

[1:25:17] He is, like, one step away from, like, an Elton John impersonator playing, like, the piano standing up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:23] I think I'm going to recommend a goofy movie then.

[1:25:27] It's called A Goofy Movie.

[1:25:29] No, I'm just kidding.

[1:25:29] Oh, God.

[1:25:30] I recently –

[1:25:31] Keep teasing the audience.

[1:25:31] We need to do Goofy Movie.

[1:25:33] We need to do Goofy Movie in some way.

[1:25:35] We just keep edging the audience, the promises of Goofy Movie.

[1:25:39] Your mention of Abram Zucker Abrams movies, Dan, reminded me of a movie I finally got to see recently, which is the new Naked Gun movie starring Liam Neeson.

[1:25:47] Okay.

[1:25:47] I really enjoyed it a lot, and I was like, this movie pulls off being a Naked Gun movie, and it was just very refreshing to see a comedy where it was just like, shovel in the jokes.

[1:25:58] Shovel in more jokes.

[1:25:59] You got to pay attention if you're going to catch all the jokes.

[1:26:02] And I thought it was really funny.

[1:26:03] As all those – as even the original Naked Gun movies do, I kind of got worn out by the end of it because I don't care what's happening.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:09] It's such a perfect deployment of Danny Houston.

[1:26:12] Yes, Danny Houston is so great.

[1:26:14] He's so good in it.

[1:26:15] His line about his tummy hurts.

[1:26:17] He's so fucking funny.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:19] He's so funny, and Pam Anderson is so funny.

[1:26:21] And the part where she is jazz – like doing jazz scanning is so funny.

[1:26:25] And so I – it was one of the few comedies I've seen recently where I was like laughing out loud throughout.

[1:26:31] So I thought they just did a great job of pulling off a Naked Gun style movie instead of doing a like half-assed kind of like referential version of one.

[1:26:38] So hats off to the makers of the Naked Gun movie.

[1:26:41] If you like those kinds of movies, you'll enjoy this.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:45] Well, that's great recommendations.

[1:26:47] And before we wrap up, by now you have heard all of the reasons to become a MaxFun member and support our show.

[1:26:53] So please, if you are considering doing so, do it now before you forget.

[1:26:59] I have ADHD, so I know all about forgetting.

[1:27:02] My brain does not work.

[1:27:03] I go into rooms.

[1:27:04] I'm like, why am I in this room?

[1:27:05] I've forgotten.

[1:27:06] That's like a thing though, right?

[1:27:07] Where like your brain stops remembering.

[1:27:10] Okay.

[1:27:10] Yeah, it's called memento.

[1:27:11] Yeah.

[1:27:12] So anyway, what was I talking about?

[1:27:14] I forgot.

[1:27:15] Maximumfun.org slash join.

[1:27:17] Yeah.

[1:27:17] You get tons of bonus content and the knowledge that you're making a difference and supporting media that you like.

[1:27:21] Only $5 a month to start to join at the lowest level.

[1:27:25] And you can do that at MaximumFun.org slash join.

[1:27:29] That is MaximumFun.org slash join.

[1:27:32] Thank you to Maximum Fun.

[1:27:33] Thank you to our producer.

[1:27:35] He goes by the name Howell Doughty on the internet.

[1:27:38] His actual name is Alex Smith.

[1:27:40] Yeah.

[1:27:41] He does a great job for us.

[1:27:42] Thank you, Alex, for all that you do.

[1:27:44] But that's it.

[1:27:45] For The Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:48] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:27:49] I'm Elliot Kalin.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:51] Bye.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:01] Do you need binoculars or opera glasses?

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:04] If I was at a normal distance from the thing.

[1:28:09] Or binoculars, which is when it's a rabbit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:15] Or bunsnoculars when it's a tight butt.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:18] Actually, yeah, it's a butt.

[1:28:19] You use them to look at butts.

[1:28:21] Yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense.

[1:28:24] Very leisure suit layer of us.

[1:28:26] Yep.

[1:28:27] That's what the patent said.

[1:28:30] MaximumFun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:31] A worker-owned network.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:33] Of artists-owned shows.

[1:28:35] Supported.

[1:28:36] Directly.

[1:28:36] By you.

Exit to Eden

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