The Flop House: Episode #105 - A Thousand Words

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss a movie about a man who only has a limited number of words to speak.

[0:06] In other words, Elliot's worst nightmare.

[0:09] We talk about A Thousand Words.

[0:30] A Thousand Words

Elliott Kalan

Dan McCoy

Elliott Kalan

Stuart Wellington

Elliott Kalan

Stuart Wellington

Elliott Kalan

Stuart Wellington

Elliott Kalan

Stuart Wellington

Dan McCoy

Elliott Kalan

Dan McCoy

[3:27] A Kissing Bandit Type Character

[3:28] Exactly

[3:29] Sure

Dan McCoy

[3:29] Or you could like maybe you could dress like a leprechaun in a speedo and sing Danny Boy

Stuart Wellington

[3:36] Okay you're saying that like I already did this do I not remember this?

[3:42] You'll see the video

[3:44] Okay

Dan McCoy

[3:45] But this isn't a Cameo Appearances podcast this is-

Elliott Kalan

[3:48] No that's the Camcast our other podcast

Dan McCoy

[3:51] Not to be confused with the other Camcast which are Cam Gajandit

[3:55] Or Cam Gajandit yeah

[3:57] But this is-

[3:58] I think you're pronouncing that right

Elliott Kalan

[3:59] Our Cam Clark podcast which is also-

[4:01] Anyway keep going you're saying-

Dan McCoy

[4:03] This is a podcast about bad movies where we watch one and then chat about it afterwards

[4:07] The hobhouse we call it

[4:08] Just for funsies

[4:10] Yeah just chillin'

[4:11] Yeah just for chillsies

[4:12] Just couple of guys being bros

Elliott Kalan

[4:14] Just funnin' around being pals and pallin' it up

Dan McCoy

[4:19] But tonight we watched a film called-

[4:21] Yeah I mean it's the afternoon like-

[4:23] Don't pull the curtain back too far

[4:26] Pay no attention to the daylight behind the curtain

[4:29] This movie was called A Thousand Words

[4:34] You may remember it

Elliott Kalan

[4:35] No you won't

[4:37] Who did it star?

[4:38] Mr. Edward Murphy

[4:39] Yeah Edward Murphy

[4:41] This movie-

[4:42] Better known as Eddie

[4:43] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[4:43] This movie-

[4:44] Well he's just like a superstar

[4:45] Knocking out home runs everyday

Elliott Kalan

[4:47] Oh yeah he's had a lot of hits lately

[4:49] I think a good indication-

[4:50] I can name all of them

[4:51] Uh-

[4:52] Tower Heist

[4:53] Tower Heist

Elliott Kalan

[4:53] Did okay

[4:54] Uh-

[4:55] Dave?

[4:56] Dream Girls

Elliott Kalan

[4:56] Yeah

[4:57] Wait-

[4:58] Dave was a big failure

Elliott Kalan

[4:58] Meet-

[4:59] Meet Dave?

[5:00] Meet Dave, whatever it was called

[5:01] Which one has Kevin Kline in it?

[5:02] I am Sam

[5:03] Dave is the one with Kevin Kline

[5:05] Okay

Dan McCoy

[5:05] Yeah

[5:06] Uh-

[5:07] I think a good indication of what kind of movie this was is that this sat on the shelf for several years

[5:12] Four years

Dan McCoy

[5:12] While Norbit got released

[5:14] Right away

[5:15] Yeah so-

Elliott Kalan

[5:15] Well Norbit, the story-

[5:17] The story I heard was that Norbit was a contractual obligation that he said if I'm gonna do Dream Girls, the movie that is gonna get me nominated for an Oscar, you have to produce Norbit so that I can be in it

[5:27] Is that true?

[5:28] That was what I had heard, that Norbit was the movie he really wanted to do and he begrudgingly appeared in Dream Girls to get it done

[5:34] Oh

Elliott Kalan

[5:34] But anyway, this is a thousand words-

[5:36] This isn't the Norbit cast, that's a different podcast we do, the Norb House

Dan McCoy

[5:39] Or the Orbit cast, which is about the moon

Elliott Kalan

[5:41] Or Orbit's gum

[5:43] This is about-

[5:44] Or the Orbit's travel agency online

[5:46] This is about a thousand words

[5:48] There are a lot of Orbits

[5:49] Yeah, thanks to it

[5:52] Pondered that for a while, Stu

Dan McCoy

[5:54] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[5:56] Yeah

[5:57] But this is a movie that sat on the shelf for four years until it was released and I didn't realize it made back-

[6:02] In gross receipts it made about half of its original budget

[6:06] Wow, and that was four years ago money

[6:08] Yeah, so think about how much less it made even considering that was modern money

[6:13] Yeah

[6:14] So, Dan, should I go through the story of a thousand words?

[6:17] Yeah, I think it will

[6:18] Since our audience probably knows it, it's a classic folk tale

[6:20] It'll take you almost no time

Stuart Wellington

[6:22] It's like Liar Liar, but with a tree that sheds leaves

Elliott Kalan

[6:25] Yeah

[6:26] That's basically it

[6:27] Now, Eddie Murphy is a high-powered literary agent, which is a joke because the publishing industry is dying

[6:33] And he talks all the time

[6:35] He's Eddie Murphy, he talks a lot

[6:36] Yeah, yeah

[6:37] He doesn't pay attention to his family

[6:38] Yeah, yeah

[6:39] Like a Robin Williams type guy

Elliott Kalan

[6:39] Or like-

[6:40] Or like that Micro Machines guy

[6:41] Or like an Eddie Murphy type guy

[6:43] Why didn't they just get that Micro Machines guy to do this shit?

[6:46] Now, every time you talk fast, the tree loses leaves

[6:49] You'll have to talk slow, Micro Machines guy

Stuart Wellington

[6:51] He turns to drinking

Elliott Kalan

[6:53] Now, Eddie Murphy plays-

[6:55] To slow himself down, of course

[6:56] Yeah

[6:57] He plays a high-powered literary agent

[6:58] Talks too much

[6:59] Talks too fast

[7:00] Doesn't express love for his family enough

[7:02] And he tries to land the big book contract of a New Age healer named Sanjay

[7:09] Something like that

[7:10] Sanja

Dan McCoy

[7:10] And if the love guru taught us nothing else, it's that movies, comedies about New Age healers are always hilarious

Elliott Kalan

[7:16] Eddie Murphy's Soul Man taught us anything

[7:19] Or whatever it's called, Holy Man

[7:21] I like to think of that as

[7:22] Maybe it's called Holy Man

Dan McCoy

[7:23] Jeff Goldblum's Holy Man

[7:25] Okay

Elliott Kalan

[7:26] But anyway

Dan McCoy

[7:27] What was the one with Heather Graham?

[7:30] That might have been the same movie

[7:32] Was it? I don't think so

[7:34] Well, Heather Graham was in Bowfinger with Eddie Murphy

Elliott Kalan

[7:37] No, no, I think about where it was like a New Age

[7:39] Boogie Nights

[7:40] Yeah, Boogie Nights, that's what I'm thinking of

Dan McCoy

[7:41] You're thinking of Killing Me Softly

Elliott Kalan

[7:43] Oh, you know what I'm thinking of? Scrubs, the sitcom

[7:46] But anyway, so

[7:49] He talks to this Holy Sage

[7:52] And lands a book deal by saying

[7:54] Lying to him, basically

[7:55] I believe in you

[7:56] And I want to make this happen

[7:58] And he cuts him

[7:59] He touches a tree and gets a splinter in his finger

[8:02] That splinter is enough to create a mystical bond

[8:04] Makes him in the tree blood brothers

[8:06] Because later on, that tree appears in his very backyard

[8:08] And every time he says a word

[8:10] A leaf falls off it

[8:11] And the sage tells him

[8:12] When there are no more leaves on that tree

[8:14] You're gonna die

[8:15] So you only have a thousand words left in your life

[8:17] Now

[8:19] His marriage is falling apart

[8:20] I mean, that makes

Stuart Wellington

[8:21] That's good botany

[8:22] Oh, yeah

Elliott Kalan

[8:23] He's not a botanist

[8:24] He's a holy sage

Stuart Wellington

[8:25] When a tree leaves its leaves

[8:26] It's dead completely

Elliott Kalan

[8:27] Oh, yeah

[8:28] Yeah, everyone's seen trees with no leaves

[8:30] They die right away

[8:31] They never come back

Dan McCoy

[8:32] There's a

[8:33] Like, there's a leaf holocaust every fall

[8:36] And then like

[8:37] It's just trees

[8:38] I mean, like new trees spring up though

[8:40] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[8:40] Yeah

[8:41] I don't see why you had to bring the holocaust in this

[8:43] Yeah, I'm a little uncomfortable

[8:44] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[8:44] Let me just get back to the movie then

[8:46] Tree genocide?

[8:47] Basically, Eddie Murphy causes no end of trouble by not talking in situations where he needs words

[8:53] He loses a big book deal

[8:55] He screws up his marriage

[8:58] His wife sets up a sex errand

[9:01] Sex midday holiday

[9:03] Like, they're meeting in the hotel room and she says

[9:05] Talk to me, tell me, dirty talk to me

[9:07] And I'll do whatever you want me to do

[9:08] But you have to talk to me

[9:09] And he can't say anything because he's gonna die

Stuart Wellington

[9:11] Yeah, we've all been there, right guys?

[9:12] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[9:12] Yeah

[9:13] Tell me about it

[9:14] It's like a smorgasbord of sex in front of us, but we can't eat it

[9:17] Sisyphus

Elliott Kalan

[9:19] That's not what scissors, that's Tantalus

[9:21] You've confused Sisyphus and Tantalus

[9:23] Totally

Elliott Kalan

[9:23] Your classical education is a sham

[9:27] I want you to return that degree you got from the University of Online Mythology

Stuart Wellington

[9:32] Boobs U, yeah

Elliott Kalan

[9:34] Boobs U?

[9:35] Is that the Brazzers School?

[9:40] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[9:40] It's our post-graduate program

[9:42] I majored in knockers at Boobs U

[9:45] With a minor in classics

Dan McCoy

[9:47] The minor in...

Elliott Kalan

[9:48] Anyway, he screws everything up

[9:51] And he's always...

[9:52] His mother played by Ruby Dee

[9:54] Is in a mental...

[9:55] Not a mental home

[9:56] Is in a senior citizen's home

[9:57] And keeps confusing him with his father

[9:59] Who abandoned him as a child

[10:00] And it turns out

[10:02] By focusing so much on his career

[10:04] He's repeating the errors of the past

[10:08] It's just like Ibsen's ghosts

Dan McCoy

[10:10] Or cats in the cradle

Elliott Kalan

[10:12] Yeah, or any stupid thing

[10:14] And he realizes he needs to show that he loves his family

[10:17] And does so

Stuart Wellington

[10:19] He realizes it by a couple of flashbacks

[10:22] Where he sees a child version of himself

[10:25] And the kid keeps talking to him like he's his dad

[10:27] Yeah, this happens at least twice

Elliott Kalan

[10:29] It takes Eddie Murphy forever

[10:31] To learn the most basic message

[10:33] Which is that you should spend time with your family

Dan McCoy

[10:35] I mean, that's the part that actually does feel like a play

[10:37] It feels like this weird, like...

[10:39] This old, like, early, like, century play

[10:42] Like, gets shoved into this goofy Eddie Murphy comedy

[10:45] Where he's talking to himself as a child

[10:47] But the child thinks of him as his father

Stuart Wellington

[10:49] It's like, no, it's me

[10:50] Do that thing we do

[10:52] And then, yeah

[10:53] But you're my dad

[10:54] That's not here

[10:55] And in the end

[10:56] I guess there's a lot

Elliott Kalan

[10:57] I mean, there's a lot of different individual wacky scenes

[10:59] He's got to...

[11:01] He can't talk and then he gets...

[11:02] Oh, and anything that happens to the tree

Stuart Wellington

[11:03] A blind guy almost gets run over by a car

Elliott Kalan

[11:05] He can't tell a blind guy when it's time to cross the street

[11:07] So the blind guy almost gets run over by a car

[11:09] He over-orders coffee

Elliott Kalan

[11:10] Yeah, $68 worth of coffee in CDs

[11:12] He can't describe the coffee he wants to coffee seller Jack McBrayer

[11:15] It's a barista, I believe

[11:17] Baristo

[11:19] He's a man, he's a barista

Dan McCoy

[11:20] Oh, I thought he hadn't reached the level of barista

[11:22] We actually never see him serve the coffee

[11:23] So he's just a cashier

[11:24] Actually, I think a baristo would be if you were the barista

[11:27] And a barista is when you refer to someone else

Elliott Kalan

[11:29] That's baristas

[11:31] And baristamos would be if we were all baristos

[11:34] Where do the taristas come into this?

[11:36] They get slaughtered later in the movie

[11:38] It's horrible

[11:40] Mother tarista

[11:42] It's a word

[11:44] It's a word

[11:45] It's a word that sounds like another word, alright

Stuart Wellington

[11:47] Hey, it's a good thing Elliot doesn't have one of those magic trees, am I right?

Elliott Kalan

[11:51] I'd be D-E-A-D dead

[11:54] And also, whatever happens to the tree happens to him

[11:58] They have a mental bond, much like E.T. and Elliot in the film Elliot

Dan McCoy

[12:02] I think, hold on

[12:05] If the tree gets hit

Dan McCoy

[12:06] I think the fact that your name is Elliot may have given you a skewed version of E.T. the extraterrestrial

[12:10] It's a magical kid that flies around in space

Stuart Wellington

[12:12] It's called Elliot, the kid who had an alien for a friend

[12:15] It's called Elliot and Pals

[12:17] Elliot's Funhouse

[12:19] It's told from the perspective of this extraterrestrial who has this really cool friend named Elliot

Elliott Kalan

[12:24] Yeah, he's the coolest guy who has a magic flying bike that the alien gets to ride in

[12:29] I can't explain how he got a magic flying bike, but it's probably because he's so awesome

[12:33] Fair enough

[12:35] So anytime something happens to the tree, it also happens to Eddie Murphy

[12:40] So the tree gets hurt, he gets hurt, the tree gets gassed with pesticide, he gets loopy like he's high

[12:45] The tree...

[12:47] Gets tickled by squirrels

[12:49] Gets movements that people do in movies when there's a squirrel in your pants

[12:52] When really you'd be like, ah god it hurts!

[12:54] It's claws are digging into my leg!

[12:56] Instead of kind of tickles

Elliott Kalan

[12:57] Let's try to bury my testicles

[12:59] For winter

Dan McCoy

[13:01] Oh, thanks for clarifying

Stuart Wellington

[13:03] That was just burying testicles for, I don't know, any old occasion

[13:07] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[13:08] And that scene is hilarious

[13:10] Which scene? I named three scenes

[13:12] The scene where he is pretending like he's getting tickled by squirrels

[13:16] And he does it in front of a couple of French guys

[13:20] I'm sure the decision was made because French people are naturally hilarious

[13:23] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[13:24] And then he just kind of dances off screen

[13:26] Followed quickly by Clark Duke, who then dances after him

Elliott Kalan

[13:30] Now Clark Duke plays his assistant

Stuart Wellington

[13:32] Yeah, yeah, yeah

[13:33] And Allison Janney plays his boss

Stuart Wellington

[13:34] A Clark Duke type

Elliott Kalan

[13:36] A round faced nerd type

[13:38] Who hilariously gets to spout black slang

[13:42] I mean

Elliott Kalan

[13:43] At a luncheon meeting with publishers from Simon & Schuster

[13:48] Who they're hoping to sell this book to

[13:50] Well that wasn't his fault

Dan McCoy

[13:51] Because Eddie Murphy did tell him to do what he would do

[13:53] That's true

[13:54] And so you see

Dan McCoy

[13:55] He put on a stereotypical black voice

[13:57] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[13:58] He blacked it up

[14:00] Yeah, I mean he's seen through the white eye

[14:01] The perception of this dopey nerd

[14:03] Michael Clark Duncan

[14:05] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[14:06] Wait, what?

[14:07] It would be very different if Michael Clark Duncan had played that part

[14:10] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[14:11] Yeah, so

[14:13] So I don't know how this

Elliott Kalan

[14:14] So at the end, Eddie Murphy

[14:16] He uses his words sparingly to

[14:18] Then through actions express his love for his family

[14:21] The barista

[14:23] And his mother

[14:24] And then

Elliott Kalan

[14:25] There's that scene where he throws baguettes at homeless people

[14:28] Yeah, he thinks that good deeds are going to save him

[14:30] So he starts throwing baguettes at homeless people

[14:32] And donating money to a church

[14:34] That doesn't work

[14:36] He has three leaves left

[14:37] And he says, I forgive you

[14:38] To his father's grave

[14:39] And dies

[14:40] And then it rains

[14:41] And he comes back to life

[14:42] And everyone's happy

[14:43] I mean, do we know he dies?

Stuart Wellington

[14:44] I thought he just like fell down for a minute

[14:46] He fell down and went

Stuart Wellington

[14:47] That was the old

[14:49] Him dying

[14:51] Yeah

[14:52] Yeah

[14:53] Yeah, exactly

Elliott Kalan

[14:53] He's reborn now

[14:55] He's a reborn Christian

Stuart Wellington

[14:56] Born again

[14:57] I have to assume

[14:58] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[14:58] The church is a very important part of the African American community

Elliott Kalan

[15:01] But he spent so much time hugging that New Age

[15:05] Oh, he's kind of New Age

[15:06] And at the end, he is no longer a literary agent because he lost his job

[15:09] But he's written a book about his experience

[15:10] And it's the story we just heard

[15:12] Called A Thousand Words

[15:13] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[15:14] And he buys the house that his wife wanted to buy

Stuart Wellington

[15:17] So it's like, I Know Who Killed Me, right?

[15:19] Where...

Stuart Wellington

[15:20] Where at the end that character has just written the story

[15:22] That was the alternate ending

Elliott Kalan

[15:24] So it's no...

[15:25] They're not saying that the movie didn't exist and it was all his book

[15:28] Okay, so it's not usual suspects?

[15:29] So he wrote a book about his experiences

[15:30] No, it's not usual suspects

Dan McCoy

[15:32] I would like to see like, a list of all the movies that use that device

[15:35] Where at the end, like, oh look, the hero's written a book about the thing we just saw

[15:40] Well, there's a thousand words

[15:42] There's what...

Stuart Wellington

[15:46] There's Dreamhouse

[15:47] There's Death Trap

Elliott Kalan

[15:48] So listeners, you can give Dan that thing so we don't have to list them all

[15:49] Yeah, if...

[15:50] Okay, if a listener wants to go through and come up with a list of movies where they do that

[15:51] Then you will win what, Dan?

[15:53] Uh, my undying admiration

Stuart Wellington

[15:55] Okay

[15:56] Or if Dan actually does it on his own instead of just mentioning it

[16:00] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[16:00] Because, I mean, it wouldn't take that

[16:02] Well, it'd probably take a while

[16:03] It'd take some research, yeah

Dan McCoy

[16:04] After I die though, I'll bequeath my admiration to Stuart

Elliott Kalan

[16:07] Kind of?

[16:08] Back to the future kind of?

[16:09] Oh, wow

[16:10] Yeah, that's true

[16:11] Wait, you're bequeathing your admiration to Stuart?

[16:12] Mm-hmm

[16:13] Does that mean Stuart then admires the person or that you admire Stuart?

Dan McCoy

[16:16] No, no, Stuart has to take on the admiration of the person did that

Elliott Kalan

[16:19] Now, I'm just gonna say, based on the way you guys live, Stuart may die before you

[16:22] Yeah

[16:23] He's both healthier and drinkier

[16:26] That's true

Dan McCoy

[16:26] That's true

[16:27] And he lives on the edge

[16:28] And he works such erratic hours

[16:29] He also lives like there's no tomorrow

Elliott Kalan

[16:31] Whereas you live like there's always too many tomorrows

Dan McCoy

[16:33] Oh man, I am thinking 12 steps ahead in my worrying about things

Elliott Kalan

[16:37] Yeah, where Stuart's like

[16:38] I walk the blazer's edge

[16:39] Hey, look, I'm naked on top of a boat, I don't care

[16:42] It's a lightning storm

[16:43] Like on top of a boat?

[16:44] Yeah, like in the crow's nest

Stuart Wellington

[16:45] Okay

[16:46] I also have courage in my convictions

[16:48] Unlike

[16:49] Wait, what?

[16:50] I don't know

Elliott Kalan

[16:51] Are you accusing Dan of moral cowardice?

[16:53] It's got weird

[16:55] Let me just say one thing about A Thousand Words

[16:56] And then a couple more things

[16:57] And then some more things after that

[16:58] Sure

[16:59] Sure

[17:00] I

Elliott Kalan

[17:00] There was a point in the middle of this movie

[17:02] Where I was like, you know what?

[17:03] I want to like this movie

[17:04] Because I was under the impression it was a kids film

[17:06] But it's not

[17:07] There's a lot of swearing

[17:08] There's a lot of

[17:09] There's a lot of sex jokes

[17:10] Or a fair number of sex jokes

[17:11] For a kids movie, it's not a kids movie

[17:13] And you know, I mean, we're

Stuart Wellington

[17:15] We defend kids movies around here, right?

[17:16] Yeah, sometimes

Elliott Kalan

[17:17] But also

[17:19] There's a certain type of movie that Hollywood used to make

[17:21] That are like adult fantasies

[17:22] And I don't mean like, you know, Caligula

[17:25] You know

Elliott Kalan

[17:26] Or like, you know

[17:27] They still make those movies

[17:28] Not like Red Shoe Diaries

Elliott Kalan

[17:28] They move to the internet mostly

[17:29] I mean like

[17:30] They don't have as much story though

Stuart Wellington

[17:32] No

Elliott Kalan

[17:33] But a movie like Angel on my Shoulder

[17:35] Or Death Takes a Holiday

[17:36] Where there's some kind of supernatural fantasy element

[17:38] But it's not for kids

[17:39] It's for adults

[17:41] And it feels like Groundhog Day was the last really great version of that

[17:45] And this, it looks like

[17:47] Even more, they were trying to remake

[17:48] They were trying to make a movie like Liar Liar

[17:50] But also make a movie like Groundhog Day

[17:52] That was for adults

[17:53] But had that kind of like old fashioned morality or fantasy aspect

[17:57] And they totally failed on every level

[17:59] But there's part of me that wants to say to Hollywood like

[18:01] Keep trying

[18:02] Like I like those types of movies

[18:03] I didn't like this because it was very bad

[18:05] But I do like movies where it's like

[18:08] You know, almost magical realism for film

[18:10] Yeah, like weird science

Dan McCoy

[18:12] This movie is

[18:13] Thank you for

[18:14] Thanks for taking that

[18:15] I was trying to make a good

[18:16] A serious point

[18:17] This movie is also like weirdly serious

[18:19] Like it's

[18:20] You know, it's got the stupid scenes where someone's watering the tree

[18:24] And all of a sudden sweat's dripping from Eddie Murphy's face

[18:27] But then it has all the scenes where he visits his mom

[18:30] Played by Ruby Dee

[18:31] Who's acting the hell out of this

[18:32] Who's a very great actress

[18:33] Yeah

[18:34] You know, like this elderly, you know, Alzheimer's afflicted lady

[18:39] And there's these scenes with like her and Eddie Murphy that like in a better movie would actually be affecting

[18:45] Like he's saying goodbye to his mom

[18:48] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[18:49] And the message of the movie is

[18:50] This man was abandoned by his father as a kid

[18:52] Now he doesn't understand what it's like to be a father and he has to learn that

[18:56] He has to break the cycle

[18:57] Exactly

[18:58] Which is like a powerful theme for a good movie that's not stupid

[19:02] And you know, doesn't have a bunch of stupid crap in it

Stuart Wellington

[19:05] It doesn't feel like it totally meshes with the idea that this guy has a magic tree in his backyard

[19:10] That is dying because he talks too much

[19:12] Yeah, well that's what we talked about

Elliott Kalan

[19:13] Like he, yeah, he

[19:14] His problem is not that he's talking too much

[19:16] Yeah

[19:17] His problem is that he is not, I guess, not communicating effectively

[19:21] So I guess the lesson is he has to choose his words wisely

[19:25] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[19:25] But the things he's doing during the movie don't impact that

Dan McCoy

[19:29] But also that doesn't necessarily connect up with the fact that he was abandoned as a child

[19:33] That's true, yeah

[19:34] You know, and has all this anger towards his father

[19:36] And what happens at the end is he lets go of that anger and then the tree re-blooms

[19:40] And well, okay, I don't think that that has anything to do with talking a lot

[19:43] With words, yeah, or trees

Stuart Wellington

[19:45] And after the resolution, I mean, he's hugging people and people seem happier

[19:52] But he doesn't seem that different really

[19:54] No, he's

Stuart Wellington

[19:54] Like he still talks a shitload and making those jokes

Dan McCoy

[19:56] Well, but that plays to the other problem with this movie is like he didn't seem like such a bad guy at the beginning of the movie

Elliott Kalan

[20:02] Well, the fact that he goes, he lands this big sale with the sage and instead of being like, drinks are on me

[20:09] Cancel all my calls, cancel all my appointments, I want to go visit my mom and tell her about this thing I did

[20:14] She's going to be really proud of me

[20:16] And like, goes and visits his Alzheimer's ridden mom at the nursing home

[20:19] Like that's not a selfish thing to do

[20:21] Yeah

[20:22] Even if his motive is because I want to brag to her about this thing I did

[20:26] In theory, it would give her pleasure to know her son is doing well

Dan McCoy

[20:29] I mean, it's clear that he, like, I mean, the movie makes it clear that he visits her a lot

[20:32] You know, he's bringing her flowers

[20:33] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[20:34] It seems like a nice, like

[20:35] Let's set up what a selfish, thoughtless guy this is by having him visit his mom in a nursing home

Dan McCoy

[20:41] I mean, his relationship doesn't seem that bad pre-the tree

[20:44] Like, the tree seems to be causing most of the problems in his relationship

Elliott Kalan

[20:47] The big problem in the relationship beforehand is that he doesn't want to move and his wife wants to buy a new house

[20:53] Which is the kind of thing all relationships go through

[20:57] Like, and then that tree comes in and it fucks everything up, yeah

[21:00] Well, I mean

Stuart Wellington

[21:01] The tree's a real dick is what we're saying

[21:02] I guess it's kind of like

[21:03] In the tree's defense

[21:05] I mean, this guy

[21:06] No objection, your honor

[21:07] This guy is, if anything, very bad at prioritizing how he's using his words

[21:11] That's true

[21:12] Because his wife is like, just say something to me

[21:15] And he won't

[21:16] He won't say anything

[21:17] But as soon as anything happens around the tree, he'll start cursing it out

[21:22] And then he'll complain with the tree that it didn't, I don't know

[21:26] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[21:26] But he could talk to her fine before the tree came up

[21:29] Yeah

[21:30] It's almost like the old book

[21:34] It could be worse, whatever it's called

[21:36] Where the guy

[21:37] It's a, this is a, the kind of like old Jewish folk tale

[21:39] Or old Eastern European folk tale that they turn into children's books

[21:41] But I remember being this kid where

[21:43] This guy complains that his house is too small

[21:45] So the rabbi tells him

[21:46] Bring all your kids into one room

[21:48] Okay

[21:49] Now bring all the animals from your barn into the house

[21:51] Now bring your, all your shit into your house

[21:54] And it's so crowded

[21:55] And he goes, now remove everything from your house

[21:57] And they take it all out and it's like

[21:58] Oh, now our house feels really big

[22:00] Well, I guess it could always get worse

[22:02] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[22:02] It's like, what a terrible lesson

[22:03] So this seems to be like

[22:04] Your marriage is okay, but not great

[22:07] You know what?

[22:08] If you couldn't talk, it would be even worse

[22:10] So be happy that you've got this marriage

Dan McCoy

[22:12] But also like, this seems like a classic

[22:14] Like screenwriting, like screw up

[22:16] Like, I feel like this, this is the sort of thing that probably happened

[22:19] When this movie was made

[22:20] Was like, there's a first draft where he actually was a deeply flawed person

[22:24] Yeah

[22:25] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[22:25] It was like, we don't like this character, make him nicer

[22:27] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[22:27] And then like, so it turned from a redemption story

[22:29] Into a story about like a nice guy who had a few tree problems

[22:34] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[22:34] Who's afflicted with this horrible tree

[22:36] Yeah

[22:37] It kind of is a horror movie

[22:38] It's a light-hearted horror movie about an evil tree

[22:41] The

Elliott Kalan

[22:41] That forces you to learn things about yourself

Stuart Wellington

[22:43] And I think the movie spends a little bit too much time

[22:45] Focusing on how after he discovers that if, you know, he's afflicted with this death-causing tree

[22:52] He spends way too much time trying to save his fucking job

[22:56] Yeah

[22:57] Like, I don't know about you guys

[22:58] Like, my career is not the first thing on my mind if I was slowly dying of leafitis

[23:03] It's totally the first thing on my mind

Elliott Kalan

[23:05] Oh, okay

[23:06] I'd be like, I need to finish this assignment before I die

[23:09] Yeah

[23:10] Then if I have time to smooth, if I have time to fit it in, I'll tell my wife I love her

[23:13] But first, I gotta do this job

[23:15] There's a book I wanted to finish

[23:17] I've never really walked the ramble in Central Park

[23:20] I guess I'll do that

[23:21] Yeah, you might as well

[23:22] Also, hey, over there

[23:24] I wanted to see that movie

[23:25] I guess I'll go see that too

[23:26] I'll get to my wife eventually

[23:27] Oh, Dark Shadows

[23:29] I got mixed reviews

[23:30] I heard that was okay

[23:32] I might check that out

[23:34] I got a couple hours before I die

[23:36] You could start your spoken word career

Stuart Wellington

[23:38] You're right

[23:39] I'd have to then, yeah

Elliott Kalan

[23:41] He only released one album, then he died

[23:44] Wasn't a very good album either

[23:47] 999 words long

[23:49] But the, yeah, his

[23:51] And that could be part of the message that his family is more important than his job

[23:54] But like, it's just so

[23:55] The movie is kind of so loose and messy that it does not

[23:59] It's just not

Elliott Kalan

[24:00] And none of those scenes are very funny

[24:01] Like, if the scenes were funny, it would be a different story

Stuart Wellington

[24:03] So do you think the magic tree at the end is still magic and still sheds leaves when he talks?

[24:08] I think it's just a tree at the end

[24:10] Oh, okay

[24:11] Well, they didn't say that

Elliott Kalan

[24:12] At that point, the tree just probably sheds its leaves in the fall like other trees

Dan McCoy

[24:16] Yeah, but do you think that every fall he starts freaking out?

[24:19] Probably, yeah

[24:20] I would

Dan McCoy

[24:20] Forever

[24:21] Yeah

[24:22] So it really was a mistake for him to dig up that tree and bring it to his new home

Elliott Kalan

[24:27] Better than if he left it at the old house and the new owners were like, cut that tree down

[24:31] And they started cutting it and his legs just suddenly split open and blood was pouring out

[24:37] He still has a mystic bond to the tree

[24:38] That was a post-credit

[24:39] Shattered legs

[24:40] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[24:41] Post-credit C-Straight

[24:42] And the wolves attack him

Elliott Kalan

[24:43] A woodpecker starts knocking on the tree and suddenly a hole in his head opens and his brains are spilling out

[24:48] It's called murder tree

[24:51] Tree man

Dan McCoy

[24:53] Man tree

[24:54] Someone puts a swing on that tree

[24:56] All of a sudden he has this tiny little child swinging from his arm

[24:59] Amazing

[25:00] It's a little too literal, Dan

[25:01] A little too literal

Stuart Wellington

[25:03] So wait, does the child exist in two places at once?

Elliott Kalan

[25:06] It's a homunculus version of that child

Dan McCoy

[25:08] No, they brought in to existence another version of that child

[25:12] Oh man, but where does the matter come from?

Elliott Kalan

[25:14] Can it neither be created nor destroyed?

[25:16] You're right

[25:17] Answer that, Dan

Elliott Kalan

[25:18] It's fashion out of clay

[25:19] This magic tree scenario doesn't make any sense anymore

[25:21] Hey look, I'm not the one who's arguing with you

[25:23] Einstein's the one who's arguing with you

[25:25] Okay

Elliott Kalan

[25:26] Well I'm gonna dig up Einstein and give him a piece of my mind

[25:29] Einstein Brothers Bagels?

[25:31] Yep

Elliott Kalan

[25:32] Einstein Brothers Bagels says you can neither

[25:33] Bagels can be neither created nor destroyed

Dan McCoy

[25:35] They can only be transformed into feces

[25:38] They exist in a perpetual cycle

Elliott Kalan

[25:40] Speaking of feces

[25:42] I believe we came up with a better version of this movie

Dan McCoy

[25:45] Yeah

[25:46] That was called

Elliott Kalan

[25:47] A Thousand Turds

[25:49] I'm glad that you made Dan say the name

[25:50] I'm not gonna say it

Elliott Kalan

[25:51] A Thousand Turds

[25:52] I am gonna say it

Elliott Kalan

[25:53] A movie about a man who discovers that he only has a thousand poops left

[25:56] And what's interesting about this is that

[25:59] A thousand poops

[26:00] He'll die

[26:01] What's interesting about this is that

[26:02] A thousand words it turns out is not very many words

[26:04] But a thousand turds is quite a lot of turds

Dan McCoy

[26:07] I have to go to the bathroom so bad

[26:10] I gotta cool it in as long as possible

Elliott Kalan

[26:13] So I can tell my family I love them

[26:15] In the form of poop

Stuart Wellington

[26:18] Oh man, so yeah, so

[26:20] I think you love pooping more than you love me

[26:22] No, that's not true

[26:23] I gotta go

Stuart Wellington

[26:24] So you're hoping that a high powered agent from like Mad Magazine or Cracked or something

[26:28] Is listening and will

[26:29] Yeah, and will buy this idea from us

Dan McCoy

[26:31] I mean now Cracked is mostly semi-educational top ten lists

[26:35] Yeah, that's true

Elliott Kalan

[26:36] Well, it's just like my version of thinner pooper

[26:39] Where the guy just has to go to the bathroom a lot

[26:41] Okay

Elliott Kalan

[26:42] Yeah, because he hit a gypsy with a port-a-potty

[26:46] Oh, that's like in a jackass style stunt

Dan McCoy

[26:50] He was driving a port-a-potty?

[26:52] Yeah, he had to go

Dan McCoy

[26:53] It's part of the wacky races or something now?

Elliott Kalan

[26:55] It's part of the wacky racers, yeah

Dan McCoy

[26:58] I don't, like, this is a tough one

Stuart Wellington

[27:02] I think people would be a lot less concerned about the gypsy curse and more concerned about the wacky racing

Elliott Kalan

[27:07] Yeah, that there's a shark driving a car, yeah, I think so

[27:10] Why is this a difficult one, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[27:11] I just think that there's not much to say about this movie because it is almost exactly what you think it would be

[27:17] Other than what you said about it not being like a family film

Elliott Kalan

[27:20] I mean, like, they say, like, the first time they said shit, I was like, wait, what?

[27:26] I thought this was a family movie, but it's not

Stuart Wellington

[27:28] It's like the first time you're watching the Transformers cartoon movie and you hear Spike or whatever say shit

[27:33] And I was like, what?

Elliott Kalan

[27:35] I'm like, oh my god, shit just got real

[27:37] I'm serious

[27:38] Biff, bam, pow, comics are not just for kids anymore

Dan McCoy

[27:41] I mean, the thing that's most surprising to me about this movie is, like, the degree to which they don't try that hard to be a comedy

[27:48] I mean, like

Elliott Kalan

[27:49] I don't know, they're trying pretty hard at times

[27:51] They give Eddie Murphy a lot of excuses to, like, mug and do, like, physical gesticulation

Dan McCoy

[27:56] I mean, like, Clark Duke is, like, 100% just there for comic relief

[28:00] But it feels like that's all awkwardly kind of grafted onto a drama

Stuart Wellington

[28:04] You don't see him as a reflection of Eddie Murphy

[28:06] What?

[28:08] You don't see Clark Duke's character as a reflection of the Eddie Murphy that he was

Stuart Wellington

[28:09] Well, I mean, that's his script purpose

[28:12] Oh, okay

Elliott Kalan

[28:13] That's the thing

[28:14] This would have been a more successful movie probably as a silly drama

[28:19] Or a light drama rather than as a goofy comedy that tries for seriousness at times

[28:24] And, like, and that's how I feel in a lot of ways about Groundhog Day

[28:27] Where it's like, there are, the jokes in that are mainly Bill Murray's comments

[28:33] Right

Elliott Kalan

[28:34] Otherwise the movie is not playing it like

[28:35] BING BOING

[28:37] DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN

[28:40] WAH WAH WAH WAH

Elliott Kalan

[28:41] And I feel like there's a lot of that here where it's like

[28:43] Let's come up with another big comedy set piece so that Eddie Murphy can, like, move around and stuff

[28:47] Let's have something wacky happen to the tree

[28:49] Exactly

Elliott Kalan

[28:50] And it results in Eddie Murphy acting weird

[28:52] Instead of humor coming from the character's reaction to the situation

[28:55] It comes from, like, these, or these forced situations

[28:58] This blind man's walking into the street and now this car's coming everywhere, you know, all over the place

Dan McCoy

[29:02] I just had this horrible vision of, like, the tree being fed into a wood chipper

[29:06] And then all of a sudden, like, Eddie Murphy just, like, slowly disappearing into a cloud of red dust

[29:10] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[29:11] That would be so embarrassing

[29:13] Yeah, that would be red dust

[29:15] During, like, an important meeting

Dan McCoy

[29:16] You're right, Dan, that would be gross

Elliott Kalan

[29:18] This is also one of those movies where

[29:20] Two more things I want to say about this movie

[29:22] Look, things happen in my brain and I need to talk about them

[29:24] So it's like when, it's like when Agent Chris

[29:26] It's called basic communication, I guess, at that point

[29:28] When Chris Monsanto punches a guy in Eagle Heart and he just explodes in the cloud of blood

[29:32] Two things I want to say about this movie, if I remember them

[29:36] Do you?

Elliott Kalan

[29:37] I did a second ago and then you started mentioning wood chippers

[29:40] I'm sorry

Elliott Kalan

[29:41] And, uh...

[29:42] Now all you think about is how I need to buy a new wood chipper

[29:45] Oh, here, one of those, this is a movie where

[29:47] This is a movie where characters don't seem to communicate like real people

[29:51] If someone walks up to you and he's like

[29:52] And like, waving their hands wildly

[29:55] You'd be like, what is it?

[29:56] What's wrong?

[29:57] Instead of being like, are you trying to tell me you don't want to buy a new house?

[30:01] Even though we talked about this?

[30:03] Oh, you won't even speak to me because you're that angry with me?

[30:06] Well, forget it

Elliott Kalan

[30:07] Like, in real life, you'd be like, what's the problem?

[30:08] I don't understand

[30:10] Try to communicate with someone, you seem like you're really upset

Dan McCoy

[30:12] I didn't notice that my husband hasn't said any words to me in a couple days

Elliott Kalan

[30:17] This may be more serious than that he doesn't want to move

[30:19] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[30:20] He might have a magic tree tied to his soul

Elliott Kalan

[30:23] Yeah, and that's what I would guess

[30:25] And the other thing, and also, he never attempts to tell his wife what the problem is

[30:28] He tells his assistant at work before he tells his wife, which is ridiculous

[30:31] I mean, it's indicative of his problems

Dan McCoy

[30:33] But, yeah, I guess that's true

[30:35] Eventually he tells her, but he does it in a really half-hearted, stupid way

Stuart Wellington

[30:38] He does it, yeah

[30:40] He's really doing it so he can have that S&M style dominatrix sex that he was promised

[30:46] He was angling for

Elliott Kalan

[30:48] The other thing is that, this is the kind of movie where most of the characters react in like the most old-fashioned way

[30:57] They meet up with a, they're having lunch with these two guys from Simon & Schuster, business suits

[31:02] Your basic middle-aged white guys

[31:04] Very stuffy

Elliott Kalan

[31:05] And his assistant is like, hey, bro, so sit down

[31:09] You do the talking

[31:10] You do the talking

[31:11] An assistant is talking like street slang

[31:13] And every time the other guys at the table are like, oh, well, I never

[31:17] Like, they might as well have been dowagers with opera glasses

[31:20] You know, and jewels on their wrists

[31:22] Just being like, oh, this is not the way we talk at a business meeting

[31:26] When in the year 2008, 2009 when this was shot

[31:30] Like, I feel like everyone talks like that all the time now as a joke

[31:35] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[31:36] Like, even if they'd be like, alright, we're cool, we get it, homie

[31:40] Now let's talk about this business deal

[31:42] Like, it would not be, they wouldn't be like, oh, well, I never

[31:45] I think you're rewriting the scene as we speak

[31:47] Basically, yeah

Elliott Kalan

[31:48] I also find it hilarious to do a movie where they're trying to land a big book deal

[31:53] When the publishing industry cannot afford to pay for books

Stuart Wellington

[31:56] Like, to manufacture them?

[31:59] Yeah, I mean

Stuart Wellington

[32:00] Books don't sell very well

[32:02] The script is written about a, like a literary agent

[32:06] Like a, kind of an asshole literary agent

[32:08] Because the writer was like, fucking literary agents

Elliott Kalan

[32:11] It's possible

[32:13] It's also one of those jobs where you don't really need to know that much about what the job entails

[32:16] Like being an architect or an art gallery owner

[32:19] Or like, so like a character

Dan McCoy

[32:21] Or working in a magazine if you're a woman in a romantic comedy

Elliott Kalan

[32:24] Yeah, so the character can just go in and be like, we've got to put this deal together

[32:28] And then he's like, we'll give you $200,000, not enough for the deal

[32:32] Okay, we'll call back later

[32:34] And like, that's his whole job

[32:36] That makes sense

[32:38] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[32:39] That's an easy way to measure success on whether or not you get the deal

[32:43] Exactly

Dan McCoy

[32:44] So, I think that's all we can say about this

[32:48] You're shutting it down?

Elliott Kalan

[32:50] I'm shutting this down

Dan McCoy

[32:52] Dan, people worked on this movie

Elliott Kalan

[32:54] I don't think so

[32:56] They spent $40 million to make this movie

[32:57] That sounds wrong

Elliott Kalan

[32:58] Exactly how much it cost according to Wikipedia

[32:59] That's just

[33:01] That was just the botanist

[33:02] That's not a distribution

Dan McCoy

[33:03] 30 million of that go to Eddie Murphy?

Elliott Kalan

[33:05] I think 35 million of it was locked into a chest in gold

[33:09] And thrown in the bottom of the ocean

[33:11] As a gift to Poseidon

[33:13] So that they could have a successful film

[33:15] And the other five

Dan McCoy

[33:16] That explains the wonderful weather

[33:18] They should have put more money

Elliott Kalan

[33:20] That leaves 5 million left

[33:21] 3 million of that was just shoveled into a fire

[33:23] Sure

Elliott Kalan

[33:24] Just because they could

[33:25] The remaining 2 million went to Eddie Murphy

Dan McCoy

[33:27] No, this is

[33:29] It's time for final judgments on this movie

[33:31] Was this a good bad movie?

[33:32] A bad bad movie?

Dan McCoy

[33:33] Or a movie you kind of liked?

[33:34] Elliot

Elliott Kalan

[33:35] I'm going to say it's a bad bad movie

[33:37] But I liked the genre it was in

[33:41] I want Hollywood to make more of this type of movie until they get it right

[33:45] Basically

Elliott Kalan

[33:46] Like a light fantasy drama

[33:48] But this was a bad movie

[33:50] Yeah

[33:51] Yeah, I mean

Stuart Wellington

[33:52] Wait, wait, where are you going to go?

[33:54] I don't care

[33:55] Then I'll go

[33:56] It was a bad bad movie

[33:58] There were two characters I liked

[34:00] I liked moments of Clark Duke's performance

[34:04] Only small moments

[34:06] And I really liked the guy who sold Eddie Murphy his ice cream on the boardwalk

Elliott Kalan

[34:11] At the very end for God knows what reason

[34:13] Eddie Murphy has decided to walk along the Santa Monica boardwalk

[34:16] So he gets a giant sundae

[34:18] He gets a big, he buys a big sundae

[34:19] Stuart, you want to do your impression of the guy who sells him the sundae?

Stuart Wellington

[34:21] The guy leans out the window while Eddie Murphy's eyeballing this giant sundae

[34:25] And he's like, hey, enjoy

[34:27] Hey, have a bite

Elliott Kalan

[34:28] It is the creepy

[34:31] It is like a serial killer character from another movie suddenly showed up for a second

Stuart Wellington

[34:35] He's like, big break, big break

[34:37] Gotta sell it

Elliott Kalan

[34:38] I want to make the movie about that character now

[34:40] And just have audiences know that he interacted with Eddie Murphy in a thousand words

[34:44] Hey, have a bite of that

Dan McCoy

[34:46] You'll never guess what the secret ingredient is

[34:48] It's love

[34:50] Oh, that's much nicer than what I thought

[34:53] Yeah, this is a bad movie, but I can't

[34:56] I kind of can't hate it

[34:58] For a movie that sat on the shelf for so long

[35:01] I expected it to be much worse than this

[35:03] And what I got was

[35:05] Just like I am the basic mannequin of a man

[35:08] This is like the basic, just like unpainted mannequin of this story

Elliott Kalan

[35:13] So you're saying this is like the, this is the model kit you would buy at, that you're supposed to paint and they just never painted it

[35:20] Yeah, yeah

Dan McCoy

[35:21] You didn't even like disconnect the plastic pieces from each other

[35:24] The sprues

[35:25] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[35:26] Sprues

[35:27] The plastic frames that plastic model kits come on

[35:29] Oh, I didn't know that

[35:31] Well, this has been the model cast

[35:34] We talk about super models and model cars

Elliott Kalan

[35:37] And of course, Howard Hughes is enormous playing the sprues goose, which was made entirely out of those plastic frames

[35:43] But yeah, you're right

[35:45] Like a basic, no one tried very hard movie

[35:48] So Eddie Murphy looks like he's trying very hard, but not succeeding

Dan McCoy

[35:51] Are you doing some internetting over there, Dan?

[35:53] I'm just trying to get our mailbag open

Elliott Kalan

[35:57] Well, the Flophouse mailbag, you know what would buy you time to look up the letters on your iPad?

[36:01] A bit of a song, maestro

[36:03] Flophouse letters, we're gonna read a few

[36:07] Flophouse letters, they sent from you

[36:10] Flophouse letters, send them along

[36:13] Flophouse letters, and we'll sing you this song

[36:16] Flophouse

[36:18] Letters

[36:20] Flophouse

[36:22] Letters

Elliott Kalan

[36:23] Time for some Flophouse letters

[36:25] Tonight

[36:27] Tonight

[36:29] Perfect pitch

[36:30] So, uh...

[36:31] Wait, was I?

Elliott Kalan

[36:32] Yeah, both of us. Perfect pitch

Dan McCoy

[36:34] First off, I wanna thank some donors

[36:38] Thank some donuts

[36:40] Thanks some...

[36:41] You were delicious

[36:44] Thanks...

[36:45] Sorry about your families

[36:47] Which I also ate

[36:49] Thanks some donors

[36:51] We have Dimitri T

[36:53] Thanks, Dimitri

[36:55] Thank you, Dimitri

[36:56] Sorry, I'm scrolling through some

[36:58] We have, uh...

[37:00] Aslee B

[37:02] Thanks, Aslee

[37:04] We also have, uh...

[37:05] From...

[37:06] From...

[37:07] A donation from

Dan McCoy

[37:07] Jeffrey I

[37:09] Hey, thanks Jeffrey

[37:11] Thank, uh...

[37:12] Thank them

[37:13] We did

Dan McCoy

[37:14] Yeah, I just did that

[37:16] Thanks, all of you guys, again

Elliott Kalan

[37:18] Your money helps us keep Dan alive

[37:20] As you can tell, he's barely making it through

[37:22] Thank you, Michael C

[37:24] Thanks, Michael

Dan McCoy

[37:25] Lastly

[37:26] Thanks, Remy

[37:28] Thanks, Remy

[37:29] Hey, Remy, thanks

[37:30] A lot of donors

[37:31] Thanks, everybody

Dan McCoy

[37:32] Well, I was saving up some, uh...

[37:34] Cause I...

Dan McCoy

[37:35] Honestly, cause I kept forgetting

Elliott Kalan

[37:37] But, uh...

[37:38] Your money helps us buy the valuable coffee

[37:41] That keeps Dan from falling asleep while he's talking

Dan McCoy

[37:43] It's not working that well right now

[37:46] But, um...

Dan McCoy

[37:46] Let's see here

[37:48] So, uh...

[37:49] A thousand Z's

Stuart Wellington

[37:50] I think I just saw Dan delete an email while I'm here

[37:53] Mm...

[37:55] Archive

Elliott Kalan

[37:56] Let's just put that in a different folder

[37:58] Let's just put this in the trash

[38:00] So, Dan, you ready with these letters?

[38:01] Or should I sing another song?

[38:03] Sorry

Elliott Kalan

[38:04] So, uh, what's been going on, Elliot?

[38:05] Oh, well, I'm going to the UK in a couple weeks

[38:08] Okay, old Blighty

[38:10] Uh, yeah, I guess you can go with that

[38:12] Across the pond

Elliott Kalan

[38:13] My wife and I are gonna hike through Scotland

[38:15] And then visit a couple towns in England

[38:17] Okay

Elliott Kalan

[38:17] Should be a lot of fun

[38:18] Doing some shopping?

[38:20] Uh, not...

[38:21] Probably not, but...

[38:22] Eating crisps?

[38:23] You know it

[38:24] I'm gonna eat as much fried food and meat in pie form as I can

Dan McCoy

[38:28] Alright, so this letter is titled...

[38:30] Talking about my vacation, Dan

[38:31] Back to the letters

Elliott Kalan

[38:33] This letter's titled The Zoolander Zone

[38:35] Letters, let's return to those letters

[38:37] No, no, no

[38:38] Time for those letters I promised you earlier

[38:40] Here they come, right out of Dan's mouth

[38:42] But originally from your pen

[38:45] Letters

Dan McCoy

[38:47] This letter is titled

[38:49] The Zoolander Zone

[38:52] It's from Colin Lastname withheld

[38:54] Hey Colin

Dan McCoy

[38:55] Greetings, handsome Dan and the floppers

Stuart Wellington

[38:57] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

[38:59] I recently...

Stuart Wellington

[39:00] Creative editing on the part of the reader

[39:02] Sure

Dan McCoy

[39:03] I watched a favorite from my formidable tween years

[39:05] I don't know that they were formidable

[39:06] Maybe formative

[39:08] Well, I don't know

Dan McCoy

[39:08] That's a burn, I guess

[39:09] Maybe he's like a prodigy or something

[39:11] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[39:12] My formidable tween years

[39:14] Austin Powers

[39:15] The Spy Who Shagged Me

[39:17] I discovered that it is now

[39:18] Slash

[39:19] Was always

[39:20] Horrible

Dan McCoy

[39:20] No amount of

[39:21] Vern Troyer related humor

[39:22] Or penis shaped satellite innuendos

[39:24] Can salvage it

[39:26] There's now a class of movies

[39:27] Man, that makes me feel old

[39:28] He was a tween then?

[39:29] I was a teen

[39:30] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[39:31] It's now a class of movies

[39:32] I loved growing up

[39:33] Which I'm terrified to ever watch again

[39:34] Worried that I'll just ruin the wonderful memories I have

[39:38] I've dubbed this the Zoolander Zone

[39:41] Named after the movie I most loved growing up

[39:43] And thus am most afraid to watch ever again

[39:46] Zone?

Dan McCoy

[39:47] Zone?

[39:48] The Zona

Elliott Kalan

[39:50] The Tarkovsky film

Dan McCoy

[39:52] Other entries include the Stiller, Apatow, Feig, Fat Camp, Masterpiece, Heavyweights

[39:57] And Steve Barron's magnum opus, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

[40:00] Can you guys think of any movies from your youth that fell into this trap?

[40:03] Or if not, can you at least soothe the fat bastard size hole in my heart with some ribbled quips?

[40:09] P.S. Free David Kalin

Elliott Kalan

[40:12] He's not in prison

[40:14] He's just always getting to all the sports stuff

Stuart Wellington

[40:17] Free David Kalin

[40:19] I was actually thinking about this the other day

[40:23] I was talking about Top Secret, the Zucker Brothers movie

[40:27] With Valiant Kilmer?

[40:29] P.S. Free David Kalin

[40:30] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[40:30] Watching it now

[40:32] Maybe it's because it's been

[40:33] All the jokes have been done by everyone else at this point now

[40:38] Like it's been copied so many times

[40:40] It just doesn't have the impact that it used to

[40:42] Or maybe I was just younger and thought it was funnier

[40:44] Well no, that's true

Elliott Kalan

[40:45] I haven't seen the Naked Gun movies in a long time

[40:48] And I loved those as a kid

Elliott Kalan

[40:49] And it might be the same thing

[40:51] Oh, this is not so great

[40:54] I mean a lot

Elliott Kalan

[40:54] A number of Mel Brooks' not as good movies fall into

[40:57] I mean like

[40:58] When I was in middle school, Spaceballs was the funniest movie in the world

[41:00] And I cannot watch it now

[41:01] Still is, I think it has that title

[41:03] I don't think so

[41:04] But there, I mean, you can't be afraid to look at the movies of your past and look at them with your adult eyes and say

[41:10] Hey, thank you for the joy you gave me as a child

[41:13] I don't have to watch you ever again

[41:16] And I can come to terms with your not being good for adults but good for kids

[41:20] Like summer school or ski school?

[41:23] Any movie of school in the title

Dan McCoy

[41:25] I mean there are movies that I enjoyed as a kid that like

[41:30] It's more likely that I will have irrational affection for something that isn't that good, you know, objectively

[41:37] You know, that I'll still enjoy watching it because of the time that I

Elliott Kalan

[41:40] I mean there's, I guess, that's, I don't know, like Teen Wolf maybe is like that for me

[41:46] Like, it was one of my sister's favorite movies and we watched it all the time as a kid

[41:50] And my wife had never seen it and it was on TV so we started watching it and I was like, she was like, do we have to keep watching this?

[41:55] I was like, this is not a very good movie at all

Dan McCoy

[41:57] No, that, well I mean that's

[41:59] It was never good

Elliott Kalan

[42:00] It's incredibly slow

[42:01] For a movie about a teenager who becomes a basketball playing wolf, it is very slow

Stuart Wellington

[42:06] I mean he looks more like a basketball playing teddy bear man

Elliott Kalan

[42:10] He looks like a basketball playing Greek guy, he's just very hairy

Dan McCoy

[42:14] Yeah, I mean I screamed, you know, I have a horror movie

[42:19] You screamed!

[42:21] Every Halloween I show either

Stuart Wellington

[42:24] Oh man, the Crypt Keeper showed up

[42:26] Hello, Flophouse goons

Dan McCoy

[42:29] I scream either

[42:31] I'm here to guess to ghost on your pod corpse

[42:35] What about goons?

Elliott Kalan

[42:36] Is goons a pun on something?

[42:39] No!

[42:41] Then I said ghost on your pod corpse

[42:43] So I made up for it

[42:45] With two morgue puns

[42:47] That was another one

Elliott Kalan

[42:48] Instead of more I said morgue

Dan McCoy

[42:50] Abra-cadaver

[42:53] He's really showing the puppeteer strings here

[42:56] They just plug words out for no reason

[42:58] I mean like abracadabra doesn't even fit into the conversation we were having

Elliott Kalan

[43:01] Sure it does

Dan McCoy

[43:03] Sure it John does

[43:06] I guess

[43:08] A corpse is called a John Doe if it's not

Elliott Kalan

[43:10] Got a ghost!

[43:12] Oh, see you later

Elliott Kalan

[43:13] See you later, Corpsy

[43:15] See you later, Keepsy

[43:17] See you later, CK

Dan McCoy

[43:19] Every Halloween I show horror movies or movies that are Halloween related in some way

[43:27] And I double them up

[43:29] I have a movie that I like and a movie that they're just to make fun of

[43:33] And one year for the movie I liked I showed The Monster Squad

[43:37] And I could see the people in the audience who had not seen The Monster Squad when they were a child

[43:41] Kind of baffled by my affection for it

[43:46] But that's a case where it just persisted rather than I was able to let it go

Elliott Kalan

[43:52] Yeah, there are also movies that you genuinely outgrow

[43:54] Like the Star Wars movies for instance

[43:56] I still have an affection for but I don't get the same enjoyment out of them that I once did

[44:00] You know?

[44:02] Whereas War Games I could watch over and over again

Stuart Wellington

[44:05] Both Howie Mandel and Fred Savage always get better

Dan McCoy

[44:09] There's so many layers to that one

[44:11] Those onions have layers

[44:13] It's a layer cake

[44:15] Yeah

[44:16] Is from

Dan McCoy

[44:17] David, last name withheld, Elliot's brother

Elliott Kalan

[44:21] Is it my brother, huh? David Caleb?

Dan McCoy

[44:23] Oh my god

Elliott Kalan

[44:25] What, okay, was he correcting us about this time?

Dan McCoy

[44:28] Let's get our Maras and our Omaras straight, fellas

[44:30] Oh shit

Dan McCoy

[44:31] First of all, I would like to nip in the butt

[44:33] Any suggestion by Stewart?

[44:34] Nip in the butt?

[44:35] Nip in the bud

[44:36] Okay, because nip in the bud is the phrase

[44:37] Any suggestion by Stewart that I might be writing you all just to get attention

[44:42] Since I was actually invited to correct you this time

[44:44] Wrong

Dan McCoy

[44:45] With that out of the way, however, I'm sorry

[44:47] That was a courtesy invitation, not meant to be taken up

[44:49] I'm sorry to inform you

Stuart Wellington

[44:51] To be denied three times as custom allows

Dan McCoy

[44:53] That Jason Mara is not related to Rooney Mara

[44:56] Because Jason Mara is in fact not his name

[44:58] The actor from Terra Nova and Life on Mars

[44:59] Is actually Jason O'Mara

[45:02] While O'Mara is not related to the Mara family in any way that I can see

[45:05] He is Irish

Dan McCoy

[45:06] And you are the master genealogist

[45:08] Which I suppose could lead to a connection since Rooney and Kate Mara's grandfather Dan Rooney

[45:13] is currently the ambassador to Ireland

[45:15] And the Rooney family did immigrate from down country Ireland in the 19th century

[45:19] That connection, however, is probably a bit of a stretch

[45:23] I hope this clears this up for you

[45:25] You can all now commit to your mockery

Stuart Wellington

[45:28] Oh, wow

[45:30] So like the great, the curtain that hides the wheel of the universe

[45:35] that shows how everything fits into place has been pulled back

Elliott Kalan

[45:39] I hope the Mara family is paying him as the family genealogist

[45:42] How's your brother's beard doing?

[45:46] He shaved it because the devil's lost a Stanley cup

[45:48] Oh, that makes sense

[45:49] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[45:50] And because he looked like a Jewish mountain man

[45:53] If a rabbi went into the woods to fight bears

[45:56] he could come back looking like my brother

Dan McCoy

[45:58] So his beard was going to help them win, I guess?

[46:03] Yes

[46:04] But then his beard failed

Dan McCoy

[46:05] So he punished it by shaving it

[46:07] Yes

Elliott Kalan

[46:08] It turned out he could only say the words that were in the number of hairs he had in his beard

[46:13] Every time he said a word of beard hair fell out, it got very patchy by the end

[46:16] And when he lost all of his beard hair, he stopped looking like a crazy person

[46:19] That was his curse

[46:21] Crazy

[46:23] But yeah, the mystical link between his facial hair and the devil's did not win out

Dan McCoy

[46:28] So this letter is titled Dear Flip House

Elliott Kalan

[46:32] What? I believe you've sent your letter to the wrong place, madam or sir

Dan McCoy

[46:36] Hey guys, I know you're super busy this week with Trapeze Fest

[46:39] Are you trying to flip a house on us?

[46:41] Hey guys, I know you're super busy this week with Trapeze Fest

[46:46] But I just wanted to drop you a quick line and say how much I've loved the last episode

[46:50] When Drew and Stan went off that riff about the 5th century Minoan pottery

[46:55] Depicting the man doing a handstand on the back of a bull

[46:58] I laughed harder than I'd ever laughed before

[47:01] And the addition of the Flip House Flying Squirrel is amazing

[47:04] Drew sounds just like one

[47:06] There are a ton of acrobatics themed podcasts out there

[47:08] But only one has a powerhouse, forgive the pun

[47:11] Team of Drew, Stan and Wyatt

[47:13] Flip House forever

[47:15] Yours in perpetuity, Harrison Garbage

[47:17] So that

Elliott Kalan

[47:18] He's heir to the garbage fortune

[47:22] Wow, he must be famous

Dan McCoy

[47:24] Clearly was a misdirected email

Elliott Kalan

[47:25] That seems to have fallen through a hole from an alternate universe

Stuart Wellington

[47:28] Once again, the guy organizing our mail bag

[47:32] Has dropped the ball

Stuart Wellington

[47:33] Yeah, or the bag, as it were

[47:35] Oh, we don't receive our mail in a ball?

Elliott Kalan

[47:37] No, unlike everyone else in the universe

[47:40] We also don't take our mail in a ball

[47:44] So

[47:45] This

Elliott Kalan

[47:45] It is not hurl through our windows, wrapped in a ball

Dan McCoy

[47:49] This last letter

[47:51] Is from

Dan McCoy

[47:52] David, last name withheld, Elliot's brother

Elliott Kalan

[47:54] Is it seriously my brother again?

[47:56] Oh my god

[47:58] And he says

[47:59] How could he write letters when we haven't even had episodes to respond to it?

Dan McCoy

[48:02] I missed about 4 minutes of the live event of Quite Cool Friday

[48:06] I think you guys pointed this out and I just wasn't there

[48:07] Or maybe I didn't hear you

[48:08] God above

[48:10] But during the film

[48:13] There was something that bothered me about the actor playing inept lawman Mike Pryor in the town of Babylon

[48:17] I mean, inept I think is unfair criticism

[48:19] He is corrupt

Elliott Kalan

[48:20] He is very good at being corrupt

Dan McCoy

[48:22] Mostly in that he looked very familiar and I couldn't peg why

[48:25] This morning it hit me and I realized that Jared Martin, the man who played Pryor also played the role of Frank Hillhurst in the 1994 Academy Award winner for Best Picture Twin Sitters

[48:34] That was robbed

[48:35] Does this make Jared Martin the only person to appear in two Flophouse live event feature films?

[48:41] Or, perhaps more importantly, does it make him the greatest actor of our time?

[48:46] After all, he was in an episode of Silk Stockings according to IMDB

[48:50] And you just can't buy a juicy role like that

[48:52] P.S. I know you're wondering why I haven't said anything about sports yet

[48:55] So if you're looking for a tie-in, which I know you are

[48:58] No

Dan McCoy

[48:59] He's also in the 1980 TV movie Willow B. Women in Prison in the role of Dave Tyree, which is also the same name as David Tyree, whose famous catch against his helmet in Super Bowl XLII

[49:11] I'm sorry

[49:12] 100,001

[49:13] Okay

Dan McCoy

[49:14] Helped lead the Giants to victory

[49:15] You're welcome

Elliott Kalan

[49:17] That was a pretty far stretch for sports

[49:19] But I do appreciate his pointing out something that Stuart actually texted me and Dan recently

[49:25] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[49:26] That that sheriff was the uncle in Twin Sitters

[49:29] So the guy who went into protection

[49:32] Or dad?

[49:33] Was he their dad?

Elliott Kalan

[49:33] No, he was their uncle

[49:35] Yeah, he's the guy who went into witness protection

[49:37] Because he was going to turn state's evidence on George Lazenby

Stuart Wellington

[49:41] It's just weird that after the events of that movie, he went on to become a corrupt sheriff in Northern California

[49:47] He realized that that's

Elliott Kalan

[49:48] Well, crime pays more

[49:50] And also the Twin Sitters, I assume, ate his children

[49:53] And so he needed to get away from Southern California where he had all those bad memories

[49:58] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[50:01] Elliot just spilled some water on my table

[50:04] And so I went and I got him a paper towel

[50:06] And then once I gave him the paper towel, he looked at me like it was the craziest thing in the world

[50:10] And he had no idea what to do with that towel

[50:13] Physical comedy always works out

[50:15] I guess you can edit that out

Elliott Kalan

[50:17] That explanation

Dan McCoy

[50:19] It was strange that like

[50:20] It seemed very clear to me why I might be handing you something like that

[50:25] And you just

[50:27] So movie pictures

Elliott Kalan

[50:29] Yeah, so film movies

[50:31] Flophouse live event

[50:32] It was great

Elliott Kalan

[50:33] Thanks David for reminding us to tell people about that

[50:36] That there's a hidden connection between Twin Sitters and Quiet Cool

[50:38] Can you find it?

[50:39] I hope you can since we just told you what it was

Stuart Wellington

[50:41] And I think this is the first one I've done since we did the live event

[50:45] So thanks everybody for coming out

Dan McCoy

[50:47] Yeah, thank you very much for coming out everybody

[50:49] I just mentioned that

[50:51] In violation of 92Y Tribeca policy

[50:54] But in accordance with good internet policy

[50:59] Someone filmed our bits in between the

[51:05] Yeah, you're going to keep them anonymous

[51:07] The live show

[51:09] Yeah, sure, I don't want to get them prosecuted by 92Y

[51:11] 92Y Tribeca cops

[51:13] On the Facebook page

[51:14] If you join the Flophouse Facebook group

[51:16] You can see those hilarious bits

[51:18] In case you missed it

Elliott Kalan

[51:20] Or in case you saw it and wanted to see it again

[51:22] Our three bits about Quiet Cool

[51:24] They might not make a whole lot of sense to you if you haven't seen the movie Quiet Cool

[51:27] But the entire movie is up on YouTube

Stuart Wellington

[51:29] So what you should do is watch half of Quiet Cool

[51:31] Pause it, watch the bits

Elliott Kalan

[51:33] You're going to want to pause it when they're trapped in the burning house

[51:36] That's where we had intermission

[51:37] Spoiler alert

Elliott Kalan

[51:38] That's where the intermission was

Dan McCoy

[51:40] I mean, officially the Flophouse is against bootlegging

[51:44] But unofficially we're not going to take those off of the internet

Elliott Kalan

[51:48] Yeah, that's 92Y Tribeca's job

[51:50] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[51:51] So this is the part

Elliott Kalan

[51:52] And thank you to them for hosting us

Dan McCoy

[51:54] Yeah

[51:56] This is the part where we recommend a movie

[51:58] A movie that we liked

Elliott Kalan

[52:00] Are you guys going to recommend A Thousand Words?

[52:01] Because I was thinking I might

[52:03] I think you're pretty clear for that

Stuart Wellington

[52:05] Maybe if we do it all at the same time

[52:07] Well, maybe I'll just recommend a different movie, how about that?

[52:09] Yeah, I'll be safe

[52:10] But then that'll be weird

[52:11] Because then it'll just be me and Dan recommending it

Elliott Kalan

[52:12] That's okay

Stuart Wellington

[52:15] We don't need to make this a threesome story

Dan McCoy

[52:18] So who's going first, Dan?

[52:19] You're the boss

[52:20] You're the boss boss, man

Dan McCoy

[52:21] Yeah, I'll just, I'll go, why not?

[52:22] I mean, I'm sure I don't need to recommend this movie to anyone who's listening to the Flophouse

[52:28] I feel like it's squarely in the Flophouse demographic

[52:30] But, last night

[52:33] I re-watched Starship Troopers with a friend

[52:36] Okay

[52:38] And

[52:39] A lady friend?

Dan McCoy

[52:39] Movie holds up

Stuart Wellington

[52:41] That's what I watch when I want to impress a lady friend

[52:44] Starship Troopers

[52:46] It's a movie, like

[52:48] It's one of these movies

Stuart Wellington

[52:49] Put a nuke down that bug hole

Elliott Kalan

[52:51] Speaking of putting things down in bug holes

Dan McCoy

[52:54] It's one of the, a couple movies that I really, uh, loved when I first saw that I feel like critical opinion is caught up with

[53:02] Yeah, I'd say that

[53:04] At the time, people, like, all these critics were responding to it on its surface level as like this weird endorsement of fascism when it's clearly a satire of, of, of that and of like, just rah-rah, like, action films in general

[53:17] Um, and I had the same sort of experience when I really enjoyed, uh, The Big Lebowski when it first came out and like, I remember a lot of people being like, what the fuck is this?

[53:25] Because it came out right after Fargo and people thought it was like this big step back

[53:29] But, uh, I like, and I was thinking, I was watching Starship Troopers last night and I was thinking how it's weird that I usually hate CGI, but for some reason, the CGI bugs in that, even though like that was very early CGI and like, it's not like they look particularly real, like I still like it in that movie

[53:46] I'm not quite sure why

Elliott Kalan

[53:47] I would say CGI has taken a huge step backwards since the 90s

[53:50] You think so?

Elliott Kalan

[53:50] If you compare like, for instance, Jurassic Park

[53:53] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[53:53] And the CGI in that to current CGI, it is, has gotten cheaper and quicker to do

[53:59] Yeah, it feels like there's

[54:00] They put less care into it

Stuart Wellington

[54:01] Yeah, there's like an accept, like an understanding of its limitations, so they are careful about how they use it

[54:06] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[54:06] Unlike say, fucking the Expendables where they just use CGI for all the blood

[54:11] Yeah

Dan McCoy

[54:12] Alright, but anyway, Starship Troopers

[54:15] Go see it if you haven't

Stuart Wellington

[54:16] Yep, it's playing in a theater near you many years ago

Elliott Kalan

[54:19] By which we mean your house if you rent it

[54:22] If you can find a video rental place, which you can't

[54:25] Or just get it on Netflix

[54:26] Anyway

[54:27] Or imagine it

[54:28] Or read the book by Robert Heinlein

Stuart Wellington

[54:30] It's not gonna, it won't have CGI bugs probably

[54:33] No, it probably not

[54:34] Unless you use your imagination for those too

[54:35] So my imagination is the movie in your mind

Elliott Kalan

[54:37] The movie in your mind

[54:38] The movie in your brain

Dan McCoy

[54:43] The movie in your brain movie, otherwise known as a broovy

Dan McCoy

[54:43] It's a terrible imagination

[54:44] In which case that movie sucks

[54:45] So, Elliot

[54:46] I think it's called Sucker Punch then

[54:47] What do you want to recommend?

Elliott Kalan

[54:49] I would like to recommend a new film that's in theaters now

[54:52] So not Starship Troopers

[54:54] So not Starship Troopers

[54:55] Okay

[54:56] I'd like to recommend a movie I saw on Friday

[54:59] And didn't know that Dan was going to the exact same screening of it

[55:02] Until he walked into the theater

[55:04] But that movie is

Stuart Wellington

[55:05] Did he look at you uncomfortably and then sit as far from you as possible?

Elliott Kalan

[55:08] Yeah, but that's just because I knew that Dan was going to masturbate during the film

[55:11] So I was glad he was sitting that far away

[55:13] Sure

Elliott Kalan

[55:14] But that is Wes Anderson's new movie Moonrise Kingdom

[55:16] There are a lot of people who don't like Wes Anderson

[55:18] That's okay, that's fine

[55:19] And he certainly does

[55:20] He has his styles in full force in this movie

[55:24] But I feel like as far as his movies go

[55:26] It is maybe the most mature he's made so far

[55:28] And I think the best he's done so far

[55:30] He's boiled down his story and his characters to a very focused intensity

[55:35] There are a lot of really funny jokes in it

[55:36] The emotions in it are much more powerful

[55:38] And I think he's found his voice by taking children as his main character

[55:44] As opposed to kind of fucked up adults

[55:47] Who can't get over their childhoods

[55:50] And it makes those character flaws both easier to accept and more sympathetic

[55:54] I think when it's coming from a child

[55:56] As opposed to a fucking adult who can't get off his ass and just do things

[56:00] But I really liked it a lot and I thought it was great

[56:02] And I found it both funny and affecting

[56:04] Everything A Thousand Words was not

Dan McCoy

[56:06] And I want to say something about Wes Anderson

[56:07] I mean I really like the movie too

[56:10] It's not my personal favorite Wes Anderson movie

[56:13] No it's mine

[56:14] But

Dan McCoy

[56:14] So is that your final judgment on that one?

[56:16] Yes

Dan McCoy

[56:16] But I really liked it

[56:18] But I just wanted to address like Wes Anderson haters in general

[56:22] Dan's got to wade into the controversy

[56:24] I will take the role of Wes Anderson hater

Stuart Wellington

[56:26] I just

Dan McCoy

[56:27] Well I don't understand

Stuart Wellington

[56:29] It feels like

[56:30] Too many daddy issues

[56:32] It feels like a lot of

Dan McCoy

[56:32] I'm so cute

[56:34] I feel like a lot of people are

[56:35] I'm irritated by the framing

[56:37] Too much symmetry

[56:39] People are outraged

[56:40] At Wes Anderson for making Wes Anderson movies

[56:42] Like people

[56:43] I feel like are

[56:44] Mad about the fact

[56:46] That he's making these movies

[56:48] Burn him

[56:50] Can I just make my point without a thing?

[56:51] Sure

[56:52] Go ahead

[56:53] It's weird to me how like mad people get over the fact that these Wes Anderson movies exist

[56:57] Because

[56:59] Because they're so Wes Anderson-y

[57:00] Like that's what makes them mad

[57:01] And

Dan McCoy

[57:01] It's like

[57:02] Guys you know like

[57:03] 99.9 repeating percent of all movies are non Wes Anderson movies

[57:07] So just go watch one of those fucking things

[57:09] Like if you don't like Wes Anderson like

[57:10] Stop complaining about the fact that he has a personal style and he does these things like

Stuart Wellington

[57:16] Well are you saying that people are like going out of their way to be like Wes Anderson sucks or is it because they're like oh there's a new Wes Anderson movie I don't care for him like which

Dan McCoy

[57:25] I feel like people are actually going out of their way to say Wes Anderson sucks

[57:28] Like in front of the theater holding up signs

[57:29] There have been a lot of protests

[57:31] I just I feel like his movies inspire a level of ire in certain people that is way out of proportion with like anything that he's done

[57:39] You know like

[57:41] I

Elliott Kalan

[57:42] Are you seeing this mainly on the internet?

[57:43] Because I feel like everything on the internet inspires a level of ire it doesn't really deserve

Dan McCoy

[57:47] That's true but I have had like personal conversations with people about Wes Anderson movies

[57:52] It's like oh, you know, he does that thing that Wes Anderson thing

[57:55] I'm like yeah, because he's fucking Wes Anderson

[57:57] Like what why do you get mad at a person for doing the thing that they're known for doing like

[58:02] I would agree with you except that there are plenty

Elliott Kalan

[58:04] There are a number of creative artists who have their own tics that bug me and I could just as easily avoid their stuff

[58:09] But I'd still get frustrated by it

Dan McCoy

[58:11] I just I think that it's amplified out of proportion with him is is my argument

Stuart Wellington

[58:15] Well, I'm gonna talk about some movies. I've seen recently

[58:18] Mrs. Wes Anderson can take the first one of the first one I saw recently which has inspired no ire from anybody was Prometheus

Elliott Kalan

[58:25] That's one where I have to admit. I'm surprised by how angry people have been about it

Stuart Wellington

[58:30] I mean come on dude. There's like alien sex spoiler alert. There's all kinds of there's a bunch of monsters and there is like a bunch of sci-fi garbage

Elliott Kalan

[58:38] That's a lot of fun. Like I don't know why people are people that people have gotten very angry about that in a way I don't quite get well

Dan McCoy

[58:44] And I don't get like some of like the nitpicky arguments like at my birthday

[58:47] I had an argument with a friend of mine who was like upset about the like the the surgery pod scene

[58:53] Well, let's not spoil stuff if people haven't seen it

[58:55] Which is like quite obviously like the best fucking thing in the movie

[58:59] But maybe I would say yeah, that's the best scene. I like other things

[59:03] I got mad about the fact that like that this lady was running around after she had had this major surgery and I'm like

[59:08] What a weird like internet fanboy thing to get mad about like I'm willing to accept

[59:12] Okay, this is a science fiction film. They have this magic medical pod. She's more healed than she would be normal

[59:18] Let's just get on with the movie

Elliott Kalan

[59:19] Let's take the word science fiction out of your answer

[59:21] This is a film. Yeah, this is a movie deal with it like people do that kind of stuff in movies all the time. Let's just you know

[59:27] Yeah, it's a make believe it's like whatever they want

[59:29] I think the same person that you're talking about complained to me about how the archaeologist wasn't like an archaeologist

[59:34] He was like this extreme sports type guy fucking, you know, not an archaeologist at all. It's a movie. You know what?

[59:40] They're always gonna cast more attractive versions of things

Dan McCoy

[59:44] Have you seen like the people who get into like the sciences? They have a wide range of interests like

[59:48] No, they're all nerds

[59:50] Okay, all button-down nerds

[59:52] They all look exactly the same. They're wearing lab coats and glasses and that's the only type of person there is

[59:56] Yeah

Stuart Wellington

[59:57] Anyway, what were we gonna say? Did you like it? No, no, yeah, I totally liked it. It's a movie that I

[1:00:03] Enjoyed and yet I agree like I can agree with every negative

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:07] Every criticism you're like yeah, that's true, but it was also a lot of fun. Yeah, and it's a movie that to

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:13] To this day. I still think about a good deal. Yeah, I think I think with even now weeks later

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:18] I'm to this day

[1:00:20] A decade

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:22] A full decade later. I'm haunted by putting on the 3d glasses

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:26] It was one of the best uses of 3d I've seen and I do not like 3d

[1:00:30] Yeah, but the way they used it for the

[1:00:32] The computer displays I thought was really great

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:34] Yeah, and I love getting to see a little bit of

[1:00:36] Lawrence of arabia in 3d

[1:00:38] Yeah, as it was meant to be seen

[1:00:40] Yep, as intended

Dan McCoy

[1:00:42] Were you gonna recommend something else though?

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:44] You said you saw two then

[1:00:46] I mean I saw I didn't know did you guys already recommend prometheus?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:48] I think I might have

[1:00:50] You may have last time

Dan McCoy

[1:00:50] Last time

[1:00:52] But a double wreck is okay

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:54] I saw haywire

[1:00:56] Which I think you recommended and I like that

[1:00:58] Meet up by an MMA fighter

[1:01:00] And I'd also like to recommend

[1:01:02] Hard Target starring

[1:01:04] Claude Van Damme

[1:01:05] As Chance Boudreaux

[1:01:06] John Woo's first American film

Dan McCoy

[1:01:07] Hard Target

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:08] Oh yeah, it's amazing

[1:01:09] Wilford Brimley's great

[1:01:10] He's got a bow and arrow

[1:01:11] I'll watch it

[1:01:12] Alright

[1:01:13] Yeah, sure

[1:01:14] Who wouldn't want to see Wilford Brimley with a bow and arrow?

[1:01:16] That's a fucking triple recommendation

[1:01:17] Yeah, that's three movies

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:19] Only one of which

[1:01:20] Each better than the last

[1:01:21] All three are playing in theaters near you

[1:01:25] Nope

[1:01:26] Not at all

[1:01:27] I remember

[1:01:28] I don't know why you have certain strong memories of movie advertisements

[1:01:31] But the billboards for Hard Target

[1:01:33] With the like spearhead with Jean-Claude Van Damme's head in it

[1:01:36] Face in it

[1:01:37] For some reason

[1:01:38] Has stuck with me for such a long time

[1:01:40] Whereas movies I like

[1:01:41] And he's got that really cool mullet

[1:01:43] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:43] The movies I like much more that I cannot remember what the posters looked like

[1:01:47] Hard Target just burned into my mind

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:49] I can't stop thinking of when he does those high kicks

[1:01:53] And those

[1:01:54] Because he wears really tight jeans

[1:01:55] But he can still do really high karate kicks

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:57] Those are probably Chuck Norris action jeans

[1:01:59] Oh, okay

[1:02:00] The jeans designed to give you more leg movement

[1:02:01] Really?

[1:02:02] Yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:02] Those exist?

[1:02:03] They used to exist

[1:02:04] This is actually

[1:02:05] We found

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:05] A couple years ago

[1:02:06] We found an old ad for them online

[1:02:08] Or I saw a website that had it up

[1:02:09] And my boss Rory

[1:02:11] Called the number in the ad

[1:02:13] Which was like a warehouse somewhere

[1:02:15] And asked them if they had any Chuck Norris action jeans lying around

[1:02:18] That he could buy

[1:02:19] But they said they hadn't sold them in years

[1:02:21] Oh

Dan McCoy

[1:02:22] That's a shame

[1:02:23] Because if I know anyone who could use some Chuck Norris action jeans

[1:02:26] It's Rory

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:27] It's Rory, yeah

[1:02:28] But I just love that

[1:02:29] He was like

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:29] Is the number readable?

[1:02:30] Yeah

[1:02:31] I'm calling that company

[1:02:32] It's like really?

[1:02:33] Because this ad is like 25 years old

[1:02:35] I don't care

[1:02:37] Maybe they still have some in a box

[1:02:38] Grasping its drawers

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:39] The moral

[1:02:40] It's like archaeologists searching for secrets of our creation

Dan McCoy

[1:02:43] Yep

[1:02:44] The moral of the story is always follow your dreams

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:47] Trillion dollar space exploration to find action jeans

[1:02:51] Always follow your dreams

[1:02:52] Even if it's to a warehouse in Pennsylvania

Dan McCoy

[1:02:55] Keep hoping

[1:02:56] Keep hope alive

[1:02:57] That you'll get

Dan McCoy

[1:02:57] Keep the Pope alive

[1:02:59] Yeah

[1:03:00] I think we can end there with a

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:02] With a stirring call for people to not kill the Pope

[1:03:05] Please

[1:03:06] The flop house says don't kill the Pope

[1:03:09] Yeah, we can all agree on that controversial stance

[1:03:11] Remember the lesson of a thousand words

[1:03:12] That Pope should not be killed

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:14] That Pope should not be killed

[1:03:15] I'm still trying to figure out how action jeans would work

[1:03:17] I don't know

[1:03:18] Is that like extra room in the

[1:03:20] They're stretchier for some

[1:03:21] So they're like jeggings?

Dan McCoy

[1:03:23] Yeah, they're like LBJ's jeans

[1:03:25] They got more space in the bunghole area

[1:03:28] Nobody knows what you're talking about

[1:03:29] Okay

Dan McCoy

[1:03:30] So let's just wrap up the episode, huh?

[1:03:31] Alright

[1:03:33] What's bunghole?

[1:03:34] Look it up

[1:03:35] Google LBJ and bunghole

[1:03:37] And you'll be in for a treat

[1:03:38] Probably not gonna do that

[1:03:40] For the flop house

[1:03:44] I've been Dan McCoy

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:46] I'm still Stuart Wellington

[1:03:48] And I continue to be Elliot Kalin as himself

[1:03:51] Good night everyone

[1:03:53] Another one down

[1:03:55] Click clack

[1:04:04] Do I

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:05] Can I be the murderous android?

[1:04:08] I think you are

[1:04:09] Is this Saturn 3?

[1:04:11] Hello Elliot

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:12] Oh you're the Prometheus murderous android

[1:04:14] I'm the murderous robot

[1:04:16] Be nice to me or I'll put things in your drink

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:19] Don't make fun of the fact that I can't have a baby

[1:04:22] you

The Flop House: Episode #105 - A Thousand Words

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