The Flop House: Episode #105 - A Thousand Words

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss a movie about a man who only has a limited number of words to speak.

[0:06] In other words, Elliot's worst nightmare.

[0:09] We talk about A Thousand Words.

[0:30] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:41] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:42] And Elliot Kalin, as himself.

[0:44] So...

[0:46] Grown a beard, huh?

[0:48] It's just the weekend. I didn't shave.

[0:52] I'm glad that we're bringing this up, since the listeners have certainly noticed Dan's growth of beard.

[0:56] I mean, he's going to put a picture of it on the, what, website?

[0:59] Well, did you ever put on the Blogspot website, Dan, the video of you as Santa Claus in a wrestling suit?

[1:05] On our main Flophouse website?

[1:07] Yeah.

[1:08] I did not put a video.

[1:09] You need to do that.

[1:10] I didn't feel like I needed to self-promote that much.

[1:11] I think you should.

[1:12] Someone put it up on the Facebook.

[1:13] I'm giving you permission.

[1:14] Okay.

[1:15] Someone. I think you or your wife did, probably.

[1:17] Well, no, I put it on my own Facebook.

[1:19] Oh, okay.

[1:20] But someone put it on the Flophouse page.

[1:22] For those Flophouse fans who don't follow the Facebook page, and really should,

[1:25] there's a lot of good debates and conversations about how small I am and how handsome Stuart is.

[1:30] And how I am a default human being.

[1:32] Yeah, you're just the basic, standard human being.

[1:34] No frills.

[1:35] Like a blank mannequin.

[1:36] When you go to the human store and you're like, ah, I don't want any of the fancy frills.

[1:41] Just give me your basic model.

[1:43] Okay, do you want that rust-proofed?

[1:44] No.

[1:45] All right, I'll have to talk to my manager about that.

[1:49] So Dan recently, for those of you who don't know, stopped being a television appearance virgin

[1:55] by appearing on the Daily Show in the role of high-pitched singing, dancing Santa

[2:00] in a wrestling leotard in a candy-colored wonderland.

[2:04] It made no sense.

[2:06] Oh, that someone else turned down.

[2:08] But we won't get into too much of the behind the scenes.

[2:11] Dan, how did it feel to make your parents proud by playing the role of wrestling leotard,

[2:16] high-pitched singing Santa Claus?

[2:17] Well, they were out of town.

[2:18] They were out of the country in England at the time.

[2:20] So I think that was the perfect time for this to happen.

[2:23] And luckily, they don't ever check the internet in England.

[2:26] Yeah, that's true.

[2:27] Yeah, they don't have it over there yet.

[2:28] Spoiler alert.

[2:29] They don't have the internet there yet.

[2:30] They still send messages via Raven.

[2:32] They call it R-mail.

[2:34] Okay.

[2:35] Like O-U-R or?

[2:37] No, no, R like in the letter for Raven.

[2:39] Okay, that makes more sense.

[2:40] Yeah.

[2:41] Although they did have an ad campaign called Our R-mail, which was very confusing.

[2:46] Yeah.

[2:47] Hello, gov.

[2:48] How you gonna get a letter from ear to ear?

[2:51] Our R-mail.

[2:52] Clive Owen's mad about his mail.

[2:54] He was.

[2:55] It was all, it was a, hello, this is Daniel Craig.

[2:58] Oh, that's pretty good.

[3:00] That's almost as good as mine, but don't worry about it.

[3:02] So, yeah.

[3:03] Only another 50 appearances and I'll be caught up with Hollywood Kalen.

[3:08] Yeah.

[3:09] Well, when they start mentioning you by name and not just hiding you behind a beard.

[3:12] Yeah.

[3:13] Zing.

[3:15] No, but nice work.

[3:16] We're all very proud of you.

[3:17] Thanks.

[3:18] Stuart, now it's your turn to be on TV.

[3:19] So, you're gonna have to go outside the Today Show while it's filming and hold up a sign with your name on it.

[3:24] Or run in and kiss Al Roker and run away.

[3:27] Okay, like a kissing bandit type character?

[3:29] Exactly.

[3:30] Sure.

[3:31] Or you could, like, maybe you could dress like a leprechaun in a Speedo and sing Danny Boy.

[3:37] Okay, you're saying that like I already did this.

[3:40] Do I not remember this?

[3:44] You'll see the video.

[3:45] Okay.

[3:46] But this isn't a Cameo Appearances podcast.

[3:49] No, that's the CamCast, our other podcast.

[3:52] Not to be confused with the other CamCast, which are CamGajanet.

[3:56] Our CamGajanet, yeah.

[3:57] Yeah.

[3:58] But this is...

[3:59] I think you're pronouncing that right.

[4:00] Our CamClark podcast, which is also...

[4:02] Anyway, keep going, you're saying?

[4:04] This is a podcast about bad movies where we watch one and then chat about it afterwards.

[4:08] The LobHouse, we call it.

[4:10] Just for funsies.

[4:11] Yeah, just chilling.

[4:12] Yeah, just for chillsies.

[4:13] Just a couple of guys, being buddies.

[4:15] Just funning around, being pals, and palling it up.

[4:20] But tonight we watched a film called...

[4:22] Yeah, I mean, it's the afternoon.

[4:24] Don't pull the curtain back too far.

[4:27] Pay no attention to the daylight behind the curtain.

[4:30] This movie was called A Thousand Words.

[4:33] A Thousand Words.

[4:35] You may remember it.

[4:36] No, you won't.

[4:39] Who did it star?

[4:40] Mr. Edward Murphy.

[4:41] Yeah, Edward Murphy.

[4:42] This movie...

[4:43] Better known as Eddie.

[4:44] Yeah.

[4:45] Well, he's just like a superstar.

[4:47] Knocking out home runs every day.

[4:49] Oh, yeah.

[4:50] He's had a lot of hits lately.

[4:51] I think a good indication...

[4:52] I can name all of them.

[4:53] Sour Heist.

[4:54] Sour Heist did okay.

[4:56] Dave.

[4:57] Dreamgirls.

[4:58] Yeah.

[4:59] Wait.

[5:00] Dave was a big failure.

[5:01] Meet Dave?

[5:02] Meet Dave, whatever it was called.

[5:03] Which one?

[5:04] My name is Dave.

[5:05] I am Sam.

[5:06] Dave is the one with Kevin Kline.

[5:07] Okay.

[5:08] Yeah.

[5:09] My impression of what kind of movie this was is that this sat on the shelf for several

[5:13] years.

[5:14] Four years.

[5:15] While Norbit got released.

[5:16] Right away.

[5:17] Yeah, so...

[5:18] Well, Norbit...

[5:19] The story I heard was that Norbit was a contractual obligation, that he said, if I'm going to

[5:23] do Dreamgirls, the movie that is going to get me nominated for an Oscar, you have to

[5:27] produce Norbit so that I can be in it.

[5:29] Is that true?

[5:30] That was what I had heard, that Norbit was the movie he really wanted to do.

[5:32] And he begrudgingly appeared in Dreamgirls to get it done.

[5:36] But anyway, this is A Thousand Words.

[5:37] This isn't the Norbit cast.

[5:38] That's a different podcast we do, the Norb House.

[5:41] Or the Orbit cast, which is about the moon.

[5:43] Or Orbit's gum.

[5:44] This is about...

[5:45] Or the Orbit's travel agency online.

[5:47] This is about A Thousand Words.

[5:49] There are a lot of Orbits.

[5:52] Yeah.

[5:53] Yeah, thanks to it.

[5:54] Pondered that for a while, too.

[5:57] Yeah.

[5:58] Yeah.

[5:59] But this is a movie that sat on the shelf for four years until it was released, and

[6:01] I didn't realize it made back...

[6:04] In gross receipts, it made about half of its original budget.

[6:07] Wow, and that was four years ago money.

[6:09] Yeah.

[6:10] So think about how much less it made, even considering that was modern money.

[6:14] Yeah.

[6:15] So, Dan, should I go through the story of A Thousand Words?

[6:18] Yeah, I think...

[6:19] Since our audience probably knows it.

[6:20] It's a classic folk tale.

[6:21] It'll take you almost no time.

[6:23] It's like Liar, Liar, but with a tree that sheds leaves.

[6:26] That's basically it.

[6:27] Now, Eddie Murphy is a high-powered literary agent, which is a joke because the publishing

[6:33] industry is dying.

[6:34] And he talks all the time.

[6:36] He's Eddie Murphy.

[6:37] He talks a lot.

[6:38] Yeah.

[6:39] He doesn't pay attention to his family.

[6:40] Like a Robin Williams type guy.

[6:41] Or like...

[6:42] Like that Micro Machines guy.

[6:43] Or like an Eddie Murphy type guy.

[6:44] Why didn't they just get that Micro Machines guy to do this shit?

[6:47] Now, every time you talk fast, the tree loses leaves.

[6:50] You'll have to talk slow, Micro Machines guy.

[6:52] He turns to drinking.

[6:54] Now, Eddie Murphy plays...

[6:56] He slows himself down, of course.

[6:57] Yeah.

[6:58] He plays a high-powered literary agent, talks too much, talks too fast, doesn't express

[7:02] love for his family enough.

[7:04] And he tries to land the big book contract of a New Age healer named...

[7:09] Was it Sanjay?

[7:10] Something like that.

[7:11] Sanja.

[7:12] And if the love guru taught us nothing else, it's that movies...

[7:14] Comedies about New Age healers are always hilarious.

[7:17] If Eddie Murphy's soul man taught us anything.

[7:21] Or whatever it's called.

[7:22] Holy man.

[7:23] I like to think of that as...

[7:24] Whatever it's called, holy man.

[7:25] Jeff Goldblum's holy man.

[7:26] Okay.

[7:27] But anyway.

[7:28] What was the one with Heather Graham?

[7:32] That might have been the same movie.

[7:33] Was it?

[7:34] I don't think so.

[7:35] Well, Heather Graham was in Bowfinger with Eddie Murphy.

[7:38] No, no.

[7:39] I think we're about where it was like a New Age...

[7:40] Boogie Nights.

[7:41] Yeah, Boogie Nights.

[7:42] That's what I'm thinking of.

[7:43] You're thinking of Killing Me Softly.

[7:44] Oh, you know what?

[7:45] I'm thinking of Scrubs, the sitcom.

[7:47] But anyway, so he talks to this holy sage and lands a book deal by saying,

[7:54] I believe in...

[7:55] Lying to him, basically.

[7:56] I believe in you and I want to make this happen.

[7:59] And he touches a tree and gets a splinter in his finger.

[8:02] That splinter is enough to create a mystical bond.

[8:05] Makes him and the tree blood brothers.

[8:07] Later on, that tree appears in his very backyard,

[8:09] and every time he says a word, a leaf falls off it.

[8:12] And the sage tells him, when there are no more leaves on that tree,

[8:15] you're going to die.

[8:16] So you only have a thousand words left in your life.

[8:18] Now, his marriage is falling apart.

[8:21] I mean, that's good botany.

[8:23] Oh, yeah.

[8:24] He's not a botanist.

[8:25] He's a holy sage.

[8:26] When a tree loses its leaves, it's dead completely.

[8:28] Oh, yeah.

[8:29] Everyone's seen trees with no leaves.

[8:31] They die right away.

[8:32] They never come back.

[8:33] There's a leaf holocaust every fall.

[8:37] And then, like, it's just trees.

[8:39] I mean, like, new trees spring up, though.

[8:41] Yeah.

[8:42] I don't see why you had to bring the holocaust into this.

[8:44] Yeah, I'm a little uncomfortable.

[8:45] Yeah.

[8:46] Let me just get back to the movie, then.

[8:47] Tree genocide?

[8:48] Basically, Eddie Murphy causes no end of trouble

[8:51] by not talking in situations where he needs words.

[8:54] He loses a big book deal.

[8:55] He screws up his marriage.

[8:58] His wife sets up a sex errand, sex midday holiday.

[9:03] What?

[9:04] Like, they're meeting in a hotel room, and she says,

[9:06] Talk to me.

[9:07] Dirty talk to me, and I'll do whatever you want me to do,

[9:09] but you have to talk to me.

[9:10] And he can't say anything, because he's going to die.

[9:12] Yeah, we've all been there, right, guys?

[9:13] Yeah.

[9:14] Tell me about it.

[9:15] It's like a smorgasbord of sex in front of us,

[9:17] but we can't eat it.

[9:18] Sisyphus.

[9:19] It's not with scissors.

[9:21] That's tantalus.

[9:22] You've confused sisyphus and tantalus.

[9:24] Your classical education is a sham.

[9:28] I want you to return that degree you got

[9:30] from the University of Online Mythology.

[9:33] Boobs U, yeah.

[9:35] Boobs U?

[9:36] Is that the Brazzers school?

[9:41] It's our postgraduate program.

[9:43] I majored in knockers at Boobs U.

[9:46] We're the minor in classics.

[9:47] The minor in...

[9:50] Anyway, he screws everything up,

[9:52] and his mother, played by Ruby Dee,

[9:55] is in a senior citizen's home

[9:58] and keeps confusing him with his father,

[10:00] band in him as a child

[10:01] and it turns out

[10:02] by focusing so much in his career

[10:05] recur he's uh... repeating the errors of the past it's just like it seems ghosts

[10:10] or cats in the cradle

[10:12] yeah or any stupid thing

[10:14] and uh... he realizes he needs to show that he loves his family

[10:17] uh... and does he realize that by a couple of flashbacks where he sees a

[10:23] child version of himself and the kid

[10:26] keeps talking to him like he's his dad yeah this happens at least twice it

[10:29] takes eddie murphy forever to learn the most basic message which is that you

[10:34] should spend time with your family

[10:36] i mean that's the part that actually does feel like a play it feels like this weird

[10:39] like

[10:39] this old like early like century play like gets like shoved into this goofy

[10:44] eddie murphy comedy

[10:46] where he's talking to himself as a child but the child thinks of him as his father

[10:50] it's like no it's me

[10:51] do that thing we do and then yeah but you're my dad that's not here

[10:55] uh... and in the end i guess there's a lot i mean there's a lot of different

[10:58] individual wacky scenes

[11:00] he's got to

[11:01] he can't talk and then he gets oh and anything that happens to the tree a blind guy almost gets run

[11:04] over by a car he can't tell a blind guy when it's time to cross the street so the blind guy almost gets run over by a car

[11:09] he over orders coffee because he can't he can't describe the coffee he wants to

[11:14] coffee seller jack mcbrayer

[11:16] uh... he's a barista i believe

[11:17] baristo

[11:18] he's a man he's a barista i thought he hadn't reached the level of barista we actually never see him

[11:23] serve the coffee so he's just a cashier actually i think a baristo would be if you were the barista

[11:27] and a barista is when you refer to someone else that's baristas

[11:31] uh... and baristamos would be if we were all baristas

[11:35] where do the terristas come into this uh... they get slaughtered later in the movie

[11:39] that's horrible

[11:39] uh... mother terrista

[11:42] and uh... it's a word

[11:44] the famous mother

[11:45] it's a word that sounds like another word all right

[11:47] uh... hey it's a good thing LA doesn't have one of those magic trees am i right

[11:52] i'd be d e a d dead

[11:55] uh... and they're also whatever happens to the tree happens to him

[11:59] they have a mental bond much like e.t. and elliot in the film elliot

[12:03] uh... i think

[12:05] hold on if the tree gets hit i think the fact that your name is elliot may have given you a skewed

[12:08] version of e.t. the extra terrestra it's a magical kid that flies around in outer space

[12:13] it's called elliot the kid who had an alien for a friend it's called elliot and pals

[12:18] elliot's fun house

[12:20] it's told from the perspective of this extra terrestrial who has this really cool friend

[12:24] named elliot he's the coolest guy who has a magic flying bike that the alien gets to

[12:28] ride in they never explain how he got a magic flying bike but it's probably because he's

[12:32] so awesome

[12:34] fair enough so anytime anytime something happens anyways

[12:37] anytime something happens to the tree

[12:39] it all happens to eddie murphy so the tree gets hurt he gets hurt the tree gets gassed

[12:42] with pesticide he gets loopy like he's high

[12:45] the tree gets tickled by squirrels gets tickled by squirrels and he makes those

[12:50] movements that people do in movies when there's a squirrel in your pants when really you'd

[12:53] be like ah god it hurts it's claws are digging into my leg instead of trying to bury my testicles

[13:00] for winter

[13:02] oh thanks for clarifying

[13:04] i thought it was just burying testicles for i don't know any old occasion

[13:09] and that scene is hilarious

[13:11] which scene i named three scenes

[13:13] the scene where he is pretending like he's getting tickled by squirrels and uh...

[13:18] and he does it in front of a couple of french guys

[13:20] i'm sure the decision was made because french people are naturally hilarious

[13:25] and then he just kind of dances off screen

[13:27] followed quickly by clark duke who then dances after him now clark duke plays his assistant

[13:32] yeah and allison janney plays his boss a clark duke type round-faced

[13:37] a round-faced nerd type

[13:39] who hilariously gets to spout

[13:42] black slang

[13:43] at a luncheon meeting with

[13:46] uh... with publishers from simon and schuster who they're hoping to sell this book to

[13:50] well that wasn't his fault because eddie murphy did tell him to do what he would do

[13:53] that's true and so you see

[13:55] he put on a stereotypical black voice

[13:58] he blacked it out yeah i mean he's seen through the white eye the perception of this dopey

[14:03] nerd

[14:05] michael clark duncan

[14:07] wait what it would be very different if michael clark duncan had played that part

[14:11] uh... yeah so uh... so i mean at the end eddie murphy

[14:15] uh... he uses his words sparingly to

[14:18] then through actions express his love for his family

[14:21] uh... the baristo

[14:23] and his mother

[14:24] and then uh... there's that scene where he throws baguettes at homeless people

[14:28] he thinks that good deeds are going to save him so he starts throwing baguettes at homeless

[14:32] people and donating money to a church

[14:34] that doesn't work

[14:35] uh... and he goes to his father's grave he has three leaves left and he says i forgive

[14:39] you to his father's grave

[14:40] and dies and then it rains and he comes back to life and everyone's happy

[14:44] do we know he dies i thought he just like fell down he fell down and went ahhhh

[14:48] that was the old uh... ham dying

[14:51] like a phoenix

[14:53] yeah exactly he's reborn now he's a reborn christian born again

[14:57] no i didn't know that i have to assume

[14:59] the church is a very important part of the african-american community

[15:02] but he spent so much time hugging that uh... that new age

[15:06] oh he's kind of new and at the end he's no longer a literary agent because he lost his job

[15:09] but he's written a book about his experience and it's the story we just heard

[15:13] a thousand words

[15:14] and he buys the house that his wife wanted to buy

[15:17] so it's like uh... i know who killed me right where no

[15:21] where at the end that character has just written the story that was the alternate ending

[15:24] and also they're not saying that the movie didn't exist and it was all his book

[15:28] so he wrote a book about his experiences no it's not usual suspects

[15:32] i would like to see like

[15:34] a list of all the movies that use that device where at the end like

[15:37] oh look the hero's written a book

[15:39] about the thing we just saw well there's a thousand words there's what death dream

[15:42] house dream house death trap

[15:44] so listeners you can give dan that thing so we don't have to list them all

[15:49] if a listener wants to go through and come up with a list of movies where they

[15:51] do that then you will win what dan

[15:54] uh... my undying admiration ok or if dan actually does it on his own instead of

[15:59] just mentioning it

[16:01] because you know i mean it wouldn't take that

[16:03] it takes some research yeah

[16:04] after i die though i'll bequeath my admiration to stewart

[16:08] back to the future oh wow yeah

[16:11] yeah you're bequeathing your admiration to stewart does that mean stewart then

[16:14] admires the person or that you admire stewart

[16:17] no that's a big responsibility

[16:19] now i'm just gonna say based on the way you guys live stewart may die before you

[16:24] yeah

[16:24] he's both healthier and drinkier

[16:27] that's true that's true

[16:28] and he lives on the edge he works such erratic hours he also lives like there's no tomorrow

[16:32] whereas you live like there's always too many tomorrows oh man i am thinking twelve

[16:35] steps ahead in my worrying about things yeah where stewart's like i walked the

[16:39] blazes edge i'm naked on top of a boat i don't care it's a lightning storm on top

[16:44] of a boat yeah like in the crow's nest ok i also have courage in my convictions

[16:49] unlike wait what

[16:51] i don't know are you accusing dan of moral cowardice

[16:54] this got weird

[16:56] let me just say one thing about a thousand words and then a couple more things and

[16:59] then some more things after that sure ok

[17:01] i there's a point in the middle of this movie where i was like you know what i want

[17:04] to like this movie because i was under the impression it was a kid's film

[17:07] but it's not

[17:08] there's a lot of swearing there's a lot of there's a lot of sex jokes or a fair

[17:12] number sex jokes for kids movie it's not a kids movie

[17:14] and you know i mean we're we we defend kids movies around here right yeah

[17:18] sometimes but also

[17:20] there's a certain type of movie that hollywood used to make that are like

[17:22] adult fantasies and i don't mean like

[17:25] you know caligula you know or like they still make those movies not like red sheet

[17:30] i mean like

[17:31] i don't have as much story though no but a movie like

[17:35] angel on my shoulder or death takes a holiday

[17:37] where there's some kind of supernatural fantasy element but it's not for kids

[17:41] it's for adults

[17:42] and it feels like groundhog day was the last really great version of that

[17:46] and this it looks like even more if they were trying to remake they're trying to

[17:50] make a movie like liar liar but also make a movie like groundhog day

[17:53] that was for adults that had that kind of like old-fashioned

[17:57] morality or fantasy aspect and they totally failed on every level

[18:01] but there's part of me that wants to say to hollywood like keep trying like i

[18:03] like those types of movies i didn't like this because it was very bad

[18:06] but i do like movies where it's like

[18:09] match you know almost magical realism for film you know yeah like weird science

[18:13] this movie thank you for thanks for taking that step

[18:16] i was trying to make a good a serious point this movie is also like weirdly serious like

[18:20] it it's you know it's got the stupid uh...

[18:23] scenes where someone's watering the tree and all of a sudden sweat's dripping from uh...

[18:27] uh... eddie murphy's face but then it has all the scenes where he visits his mom

[18:31] played by ruby d

[18:32] who's acting the hell out of this who's a very great actress you know like this

[18:35] elderly uh... you know

[18:38] alzheimer's afflicted lady

[18:40] and there are these scenes with

[18:42] like her and eddie murphy that like in a better movie would actually be

[18:45] affecting like yeah

[18:47] he's saying goodbye to his mom and the message of the movie is

[18:51] this man was abandoned by his father as a kid

[18:53] now he doesn't understand what it's like to be a father and he has to learn that

[18:57] needs to break the cycle exactly which is like a powerful

[19:00] theme for a good movie that's not stupid

[19:03] and you know doesn't have a bunch of stupid crap and it doesn't feel like it

[19:06] totally meshes with the idea that this guy has a magic tree in his backyard

[19:11] is dying because he talks to me yeah that's what we talked about like he he

[19:15] yeah he his problem is not that he's talking too much yeah

[19:18] his problem is that he is not

[19:20] he's not communicating effectively

[19:22] so i guess the lesson is he has to choose his words wisely

[19:27] the things he's doing during the movie don't impact that but also it doesn't necessarily

[19:31] connect up with the fact that he was abandoned as a child that's true yeah

[19:34] you know and has all this anger towards his father and what happens at the end

[19:38] is he lets go of that anger and the tree re-blooms and well okay i don't think

[19:42] that has anything to do with

[19:44] talking a lot with words yeah or trees and after after the resolution

[19:48] i mean

[19:49] he's he's hugging people and people seem happier

[19:53] but he doesn't seem that different no he's like he still

[19:56] talks a shitload and well but that plays to the other problem is making those jokes

[20:00] is like he didn't seem like such a bad guy at the beginning of the movie and

[20:03] like that he goes he's like he he lands this big sale with the sage instead of

[20:07] being like

[20:07] drinks are on me he calls his assistant says

[20:10] cancel my calls against all my appointments i want to go visit my mom

[20:13] and tell her about this thing i did she's gonna be really proud of me

[20:17] goes and visits his alzheimer's ridden mom in at that

[20:20] nursing home like that's not a

[20:21] selfish thing to do yeah

[20:23] even if his motive is cuz i want to brag to her about this thing i did like

[20:27] in theory it would give her pleasure to know her son is doing well and i don't know why

[20:30] it's clear that he like i mean the movie makes it clear that he visits her a lot

[20:33] he's bringing her flowers like it seems like a nice like

[20:36] let's set up what a selfish faultless guy this is by having him visit his mom in

[20:40] a nursing home

[20:41] and his relationship doesn't seem that bad

[20:44] pre the tree like the tree seems to be causing most of the problems in his

[20:47] relationship the big problem in the relationship beforehand is that

[20:50] he doesn't want to move and his wife wants to buy a new house

[20:54] which is the kind of thing

[20:55] all relationships go through

[20:56] like uh...

[20:57] the fact that then that tree comes in and it fucks everything up yeah well i

[21:01] mean he's a real dick is what we're saying i guess it's kind of like the tree's defense

[21:06] i mean this guy is

[21:09] if anything very bad at prioritizing how he's using his words because

[21:13] his wife is like just say something to me and he won't

[21:16] he won't say anything

[21:19] as soon as the anything happens around the tree he'll start cursing it out and

[21:23] complain with the tree that it didn't i don't know

[21:26] yeah but he could talk to her fine before the tree came up

[21:31] it's almost like the old book

[21:33] uh...

[21:35] it could be worse or whatever it's called where the guy it's a this is a

[21:38] the kind of like old jewish folk tale

[21:40] or old eastern european folk tale they turn into children's books. I remember reading as a kid where

[21:44] this guy complains that his house is too small so the rabbi tells him

[21:47] bring all your kids into one room okay

[21:50] now bring all the animals from your barn into the house now bring your

[21:54] all your shit into your house

[21:55] and it's so crowded and he goes now remove everything from your house and they take it all out

[21:58] and it's like

[21:59] oh now our house feels really big well i guess it could always get worse yeah

[22:03] it's like what a terrible lesson so this seems to be like

[22:06] your marriage is okay but not great you know what if you couldn't talk it would

[22:10] be even worse so be happy that you've got this marriage but also this seems like a

[22:14] classic uh... like screenwriting like screw up like i feel like this this is

[22:18] the sort of thing that probably happened

[22:20] when this movie was made was like

[22:22] there's a first draft where he actually was a deeply flawed person to be and he was like

[22:26] we don't like this character make him nicer and then like so it turned from a

[22:30] a redemption story into a story about like a nice guy who uh...

[22:33] had a few tree problems he's afflicted with this horrible tree

[22:38] it kind of is a horror movie it's a light hearted horror movie about an evil tree

[22:42] that forces you to learn things about yourself and i think the movie spends a

[22:45] little bit too much time focusing on how after he

[22:50] discovers that if

[22:51] you know he's afflicted with this death-causing tree

[22:53] he spends way too much time trying to save his fucking job

[22:58] i don't know about you guys

[23:00] my career is not the first thing on my mind if i was slowly dying of leafitis

[23:04] it's totally the first thing on my mind i'd be like

[23:07] i need to finish this assignment

[23:09] before i die then if i have time to fit it in i'll tell my wife i love her

[23:14] but first

[23:15] i gotta do this job there's a book i wanted to finish

[23:17] uh... you know what i've never really walked the ramble in central park i

[23:21] guess i'll do that yeah you might as well also uh... hey over there i want to

[23:25] see that movie i guess i'll go see that too

[23:27] i'll get to my work eventually dark shadows uh... they got mixed reviews

[23:32] i heard that was okay i might check that out you know what i got a couple hours

[23:36] before i die you could start your spoken word career

[23:39] i'd have to then yeah

[23:41] you only released one album then he died

[23:45] it wasn't a very good album either nine hundred and ninety nine words long

[23:49] but the uh...

[23:51] yeah his he and that could be part of the message that his family is more

[23:54] important than his job but like it's just so

[23:56] the movie's kind of so loose and messy that it does not

[24:00] it's just not and none of those scenes are very funny like it

[24:02] if the scenes were funny it would be a different story so do you think the

[24:06] tree the magic tree at the end is still magic and still sheds leaves when he talks

[24:10] i think it's just a tree at the end

[24:11] uh... okay well they didn't tell me that at that point

[24:14] the tree just probably sheds its leaves in the fall like other trees

[24:18] yeah but do you think that every fall he starts freaking out probably yeah i would

[24:21] forever

[24:23] so it really was a mistake for him to dig up that tree and bring it to his new

[24:27] home better than if he left it at the old house and the new owners were like

[24:31] cut that tree down and they started cutting it and his legs just suddenly split

[24:35] open and blood was pouring out

[24:37] he still has a mystic bond to that tree

[24:40] shattered legs

[24:41] post-credits easter egg

[24:43] a woodpecker starts knocking on the tree and suddenly a hole in his head opens and his

[24:46] brains are spilling out

[24:49] it's called murder tree

[24:52] tree man

[24:53] man tree

[24:55] someone puts a swing on that tree and all of a sudden he has this tiny little child swinging from his arm

[25:00] amazing it's a little too literal dan, a little too literal

[25:03] wait does the child exist in two places at once

[25:07] it's a homunculus version of that child

[25:09] no they brought they brought him to existence another version of that child

[25:12] oh man but where's the matter come from

[25:14] yeah exactly it can neither be created nor destroyed

[25:17] you're right

[25:17] answer that dan

[25:18] it's fashion out of play

[25:19] this magic tree scenario doesn't make any sense

[25:20] hey look i'm not the one who's arguing with you einstein's the one who's arguing with you

[25:25] okay well i'm gonna dig up einstein and give him a piece of my mind

[25:29] einstein brothers bagel

[25:30] yeah

[25:31] einstein brothers bagel says you can neither bagels can be neither created nor destroyed

[25:36] they can only be transformed into feces

[25:38] they exist in a perpetual cycle

[25:40] speaking of feces i believe we came up with a better version of this movie

[25:45] yeah

[25:45] that was called

[25:46] uh a thousand turds

[25:47] i'm glad that you made dan say the name

[25:50] i'm not gonna say it a thousand turds i am gonna say it

[25:53] a movie about a man who discovers that he only has a thousand poops left

[25:57] and what what's interesting about this is that

[25:59] after a thousand poops he'll die

[26:01] what's interesting about this is that a thousand words it turns out is not very many words

[26:05] but a thousand turds is quite a lot of turds

[26:08] uh i have to go to the bathroom so bad but i i gotta hold it in as long as possible

[26:13] so i get to my family i love them

[26:15] in the form of poop

[26:18] oh man so yeah so

[26:20] sometimes i think you love pooping more than you love me

[26:22] no that's not true i gotta go

[26:24] so you're hoping that a high-powered agent from like mad magazine or crack or something

[26:29] and we'll

[26:30] yeah and we'll buy this idea from us

[26:31] i mean now cracked is mostly uh semi-educational top 10 lists

[26:35] yeah that's true

[26:36] well then it's just like my version of thinner pooper

[26:39] where the guy just has to go to the bathroom a lot

[26:41] oh yeah

[26:43] yeah

[26:43] because he hit a gypsy with a uh a port-a-potty

[26:47] it's like in a jackass style stunt

[26:49] yeah exactly

[26:50] he was driving a port-a-potty

[26:52] yeah he had to go

[26:53] it's part of the wacky races or something now

[26:55] it's part of the wacky racers yeah

[26:59] uh i don't like this is a tough one

[27:02] i think people would be a lot less concerned about the uh the the gypsy curse

[27:05] and more concerned about the wacky racing

[27:07] yeah that there's a shark driving a car yeah i think so

[27:11] why is this a difficult one dan

[27:12] i just i just think that there's not much to say about this movie because it is exact

[27:15] it is almost exactly what you think it would be other than what you said about it

[27:18] not being like not being a kids movie

[27:20] i mean like the uh they say like the first time they said shit

[27:24] i was like wait what i thought this was a family movie but it's not

[27:27] there's that whole it's like the first time you're watching the transformers cartoon movie

[27:31] and you hear uh spike or whatever say shit

[27:33] and i was like what

[27:34] like oh my god shit just got real

[27:36] i was like oh my god this is not for kids anymore

[27:39] biff bam pow comics are not just for kids anymore

[27:41] i mean the thing that's most surprising to me about this movie is

[27:44] like the degree to which they don't try that hard to be a comedy

[27:48] i mean like

[27:49] i don't know they're trying pretty hard at times

[27:51] they give eddie murphy a lot of excuses to like mug and do like physical

[27:56] yeah there's that and then like clark duke is like 100 just there for comic relief

[28:00] but you know it feels like that's all

[28:02] you don't see his reflection of eddie murphy

[28:05] what

[28:05] you don't see clark duke's character as a reflection of the eddie murphy that he was

[28:09] well i mean that's his that's his script uh purpose

[28:12] oh okay

[28:13] but that's the thing this would have been a more successful movie probably as a

[28:17] silly drama but or a light drama rather than as a goofy comedy that

[28:22] tries for seriousness at times

[28:24] and like and that's how i feel a lot in a lot of ways about groundhog day where it's like

[28:29] there are the jokes in that are mainly

[28:31] bill murray's comments

[28:34] right but otherwise the movie is not playing it like

[28:41] and i feel like there's a lot of that here where it's like

[28:43] let's come up with another big comedy set piece so that eddie murphy can

[28:47] like let's have something wacky happen to the tree

[28:49] exactly and it results in eddie murphy acting weird instead of humor coming from

[28:53] the character's reaction to the situation it comes from like these

[28:56] the or these four situations this blind man's walking into the street now there's cars coming

[29:00] everywhere you know all over the place

[29:02] i just had this horrible vision of like the tree being fed into a wood chipper

[29:06] and then all of a sudden like eddie murphy just like slowly disappearing into a cloud of

[29:10] red dust

[29:12] that would that would be so embarrassing

[29:15] that would be important you're right dan that would be gross

[29:18] this is also one of those movies where

[29:20] i will two more things i want to say about this movie

[29:22] things happen in my brain and i need to talk about them

[29:24] so it's like when it's like when agent basic communication i guess at that point

[29:28] when chris monsanto punches a guy in eagle heart and he just explodes in the cloud of blood

[29:33] two things i want to say about this movie if i remember them

[29:37] do you

[29:38] i did a second ago and then you started mentioning wood chippers

[29:41] and uh now all i can think about is how i need to buy a new wood chip

[29:45] oh here i'm one of those this is a movie where some yard work this is a movie where

[29:48] characters don't seem to communicate like real people

[29:51] like if someone walks up to you and he's like

[29:54] and like waving their hands wildly you'd be like what is it what's wrong

[29:58] instead of being like are you trying to

[30:00] Tell me you don't want to buy a new house.

[30:02] Even though we talked about this, oh, you won't even speak to me because you're that

[30:05] angry with me?

[30:06] Well, forget it.

[30:07] In real life, you'd be like, what's the problem?

[30:09] I don't understand.

[30:10] Try to communicate with me in some way.

[30:11] You seem like you're really upset.

[30:12] I've noticed that my husband hasn't said any words to me in a couple of days.

[30:17] This may be more serious than that he doesn't want to move.

[30:19] Yeah.

[30:20] Mm-hmm.

[30:21] He might have a magic tree tied to his soul.

[30:23] Yeah.

[30:24] And that's what I would guess.

[30:25] And the other thing, and also, he never attempts to tell his wife what the problem is.

[30:28] He tells his assistant at work before he tells his wife, which is ridiculous.

[30:31] I mean, it's indicative of his problems.

[30:33] But eventually, he tells her, but he does it in a really half-hearted, stupid way.

[30:38] He does it.

[30:39] Yeah.

[30:40] I mean, I think he's really doing it so he can have that S&M-style dominatrix sex that

[30:45] he was promised.

[30:46] Mm-hmm.

[30:47] He was angling for.

[30:48] The other thing is that this is the kind of movie where most of the characters react in

[30:55] like the most old-fashioned way.

[30:57] They meet up with a...

[30:59] They're having lunch with these two guys from Simon & Schuster, business suits, your basic

[31:03] middle-aged white guys.

[31:04] Stuffy, yeah.

[31:05] Very stuffy.

[31:06] And his assistant is like, hey, bro.

[31:08] So sit down.

[31:09] Because the Eddie Murphy said, talk like you're me.

[31:11] You do the talking.

[31:12] And his assistant is talking like street slang.

[31:14] And every time, the other guys at the table are like, oh, well, I never.

[31:18] Like they might as well have been dowagers with opera glasses, you know, and jewels on

[31:21] their wrists.

[31:22] Just being like, oh, this is not the way we talk at a business meeting.

[31:27] In the year 2008, 2009, when this was shot, I feel like everyone talks like that all the

[31:34] time now as a joke.

[31:36] Like even if they'd be like, all right, we're cool.

[31:39] We get it, homie.

[31:40] Now, let's talk about this business deal.

[31:42] It would not be...

[31:43] They wouldn't be like, oh, well, I never.

[31:45] I think you're rewriting the scene as we speak.

[31:48] Basically, yeah.

[31:50] I also find it hilarious to do a movie where they're trying to land a big book deal when

[31:54] the publishing industry cannot afford to pay for books.

[31:58] Like to manufacture them?

[31:59] Yeah, to buy them.

[32:00] These books don't sell very well.

[32:02] Do you feel that this script is written about a literary agent, like kind of an asshole

[32:07] literary agent because the writer was like fucking literary agents?

[32:11] It's possible.

[32:12] It's also one of those jobs where you don't really need to know that much about what the

[32:15] job entails, like being an architect or an art gallery owner or like...

[32:20] Or working in a magazine if you're a woman in a romantic comedy.

[32:24] Yeah, so the character can just go in and be like, we've got to put this deal together.

[32:28] And then the other guy go, we'll give you $200,000, not enough for the deal.

[32:33] Okay, we'll call back later.

[32:34] That's his whole job.

[32:35] That makes sense.

[32:36] Yeah.

[32:37] That's an easy way to measure success on whether or not you get the deal.

[32:43] Exactly.

[32:45] So I think that's all we can say about this.

[32:48] You're shutting it down.

[32:49] I'm shutting it down.

[32:51] I'm tired of a thousand words.

[32:52] I am.

[32:53] Damn, people worked on this movie.

[32:55] They spent $40 million to make this movie.

[32:57] That sounds...

[32:58] Really?

[32:59] That's exactly how much it cost according to Wikipedia.

[33:00] That's just reproduction.

[33:01] Did 30 million of that go to Eddie Murphy?

[33:05] I think 35 million of it was locked into a chest in gold and thrown in the bottom of

[33:10] the ocean as a gift to Poseidon so that they could have a successful film.

[33:16] And the other five...

[33:17] That explains the wonderful weather.

[33:18] They should have put more money.

[33:19] They should have given Poseidon more money.

[33:21] Well, there's five million left.

[33:22] Three million of that was just shoveled into a fire just because they could.

[33:25] The remaining two million went to Eddie Murphy.

[33:28] Okay.

[33:29] Now, this is...

[33:30] It's time for final judgments on this movie.

[33:32] Was this a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked?

[33:35] Elliot.

[33:36] I'm going to say it's a bad, bad movie, but I liked the genre it was in.

[33:42] I want Hollywood to make more of this type of movie until they get it right, basically,

[33:46] like a light fantasy drama.

[33:49] This was a bad movie.

[33:50] Yeah.

[33:51] Yeah.

[33:52] I mean...

[33:53] Wait.

[33:54] Wait.

[33:55] Where are you going to go?

[33:56] I don't care.

[33:57] Then I'll go.

[33:58] It was a bad, bad movie.

[33:59] There were two characters I liked.

[34:01] I liked moments of Clark Duke's performance, only small moments.

[34:06] And I really liked the guy who sold Eddie Murphy his ice cream on the boardwalk.

[34:11] At the very end, for God knows what reason, Eddie Murphy has decided to walk along the

[34:15] Santa Monica boardwalk.

[34:16] So he gets a giant sundae.

[34:18] Stuart, you want to do your impression of the guy who sells him the sundae?

[34:21] The guy leans out the window while Eddie Murphy's eyeballing this giant sundae, and he's like,

[34:26] hey, enjoy.

[34:27] Hey, have a bite.

[34:29] It is the creepiest...

[34:32] It is like a serial killer character from another movie suddenly showed up for a second.

[34:36] Big break.

[34:37] Big break.

[34:38] Got to sell it.

[34:39] I want to make the movie about that character now, and just have audiences know that he

[34:42] interacted with Eddie Murphy in a thousand words.

[34:44] Hey, have a bite of that.

[34:46] You'll never guess what the secret ingredient is.

[34:49] It's love.

[34:50] Oh, that's much nicer than what I thought.

[34:54] Yeah, this is a bad movie, but I kind of can't hate it.

[34:58] For a movie that sat on the shelf for so long, I expected it to be much worse than this.

[35:04] And what I got was, just like I am the basic mannequin of a man, this is the basic unpainted

[35:12] mannequin of this story.

[35:14] This is the model kit you would buy that you're supposed to paint, and they just never

[35:19] painted it.

[35:20] Yeah.

[35:21] Yeah.

[35:22] You didn't even disconnect the plastic pieces from each other.

[35:25] The sprues.

[35:26] Yeah.

[35:27] What are they called?

[35:28] Sprues.

[35:29] Sprues?

[35:30] The plastic frames that plastic model kits come on.

[35:31] Oh, I didn't know that.

[35:32] Yeah.

[35:33] Well, this has been the Modelcast.

[35:34] The Modelcast.

[35:35] We talk about supermodels and model cars.

[35:37] And of course, Howard Hughes' enormous plane, the Sprues Goose, which was made entirely

[35:42] out of those plastic frames.

[35:44] But yeah, you're right.

[35:45] This is kind of like a basic, no one tried very hard movie.

[35:49] So Eddie Murphy looks like he's trying very hard, but not so easy.

[35:51] How's it going?

[35:52] Is the internet over there, Dan?

[35:53] I'm just trying to get our mailbag open.

[35:57] Well, the Flophouse mailbag, you know what would buy you time to look up the letters

[36:00] on your iPad?

[36:01] A bit of a song, Maestro.

[36:04] Flophouse letters, we're gonna read a few.

[36:08] Flophouse letters, they sent from you.

[36:11] Flophouse letters, send them along.

[36:14] Flophouse letters, and we'll sing you this song.

[36:17] Flophouse letters, Flophouse letters, time for some Flophouse letters tonight.

[36:29] Perfect pitch.

[36:30] So, uh...

[36:31] Wait, was I?

[36:32] Was I?

[36:33] Yeah, both of us.

[36:35] First off, I want to thank some donors.

[36:39] Thank some donuts.

[36:41] You were delicious.

[36:42] Thanks.

[36:43] Sorry about your families, which I also ate.

[36:50] Thank some donors.

[36:52] We have Dimitri T.

[36:53] Thanks, Dimitri.

[36:54] Thank you, Dimitri.

[36:55] Sorry, I'm scrolling through some.

[36:58] We have Asley B.

[37:02] Thanks, Asley.

[37:05] We also have a donation from Jeffrey I.

[37:10] Hey, thanks, Jeffrey.

[37:13] Thank them.

[37:14] We did.

[37:15] Yeah, I just did that.

[37:16] Thanks, all of you guys, again.

[37:19] Your money helps us keep Dan alive.

[37:20] As you can tell, he's barely making it through.

[37:22] Thank you, Michael C.

[37:24] Thanks, Michael.

[37:25] And lastly, thanks, Remy M.

[37:29] Thanks, Remy.

[37:30] Hey, Remy, thanks.

[37:31] A lot of donors.

[37:32] Thanks, everybody.

[37:33] Well, I was saving up some, honestly, because I kept forgetting.

[37:39] Your money helps us buy the valuable coffee that keeps Dan from falling asleep while he's

[37:43] talking.

[37:44] It's not working that well right now, but let's see here.

[37:49] So 1,000 Zs.

[37:50] I think I just saw Dan delete an email while I'm here.

[37:55] Archive.

[37:56] Let's just put that in a different folder.

[38:01] So Dan, you ready with these letters, or should I sing another song?

[38:03] Sorry.

[38:04] So what's been going on, Elliot?

[38:06] Oh, well, I'm going to the UK in a couple weeks.

[38:08] OK, old blighty.

[38:09] Yeah, I guess you could call it that.

[38:11] We're going to hike.

[38:12] Across the pond.

[38:13] My wife and I are going to hike through Scotland and then visit a couple towns in England.

[38:17] OK.

[38:18] Should be a lot of fun.

[38:19] Doing some shopping?

[38:21] Not probably not, but...

[38:22] Eating crisps?

[38:23] You know it.

[38:24] I'm going to eat as much fried food and meat in pie form as I can.

[38:28] OK.

[38:29] All right.

[38:30] So this letter is titled...

[38:31] Talking about my vacation, Dan.

[38:32] Back to the letters.

[38:33] This letter's titled The Zoolander Zone.

[38:35] Letters, let's return to those letters.

[38:37] Time for those letters I promised you earlier.

[38:40] Here they come right out of Dan's mouth, but originally from your pen.

[38:45] Letters.

[38:46] Letters.

[38:48] This letter is titled The Zoolander Zone.

[38:53] It's from Colin Lastname Withheld.

[38:54] Hey, Colin.

[38:55] He says, greetings, handsome Dan and the floppers.

[38:57] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[38:59] I recently...

[39:00] Re-editing on the part of the reader, sure.

[39:03] I recently re-watched a favorite from my formidable tween years.

[39:06] I don't know that they were formidable.

[39:08] Maybe formative.

[39:09] Well, I don't know.

[39:10] Maybe he's like a prodigy or something.

[39:13] My formidable tween years, Austin Powers, the spy who shagged me, only to discover that

[39:18] it is now slash was always horrible.

[39:22] No amount of Verne Troy-related humor or penis-shaped satellite innuendos could salvage it.

[39:27] There's now a class of movies...

[39:28] Man, that makes me feel old.

[39:29] He was a tween then?

[39:30] I was a teen.

[39:31] Yeah.

[39:32] There's now a class of movies I loved growing up, which I'm terrified to ever watch again,

[39:36] and I'm worried that I'll just ruin the wonderful memories I have.

[39:38] I've dubbed this The Zoolander Zone, named after the movie I most loved growing up, and

[39:44] thus am most afraid to watch ever again.

[39:47] Other entries include...

[39:48] Zone?

[39:49] Yeah, Zona, the Tarkovsky film.

[39:53] Other entries include The Stiller, Apatow, Feig, Fat Camp, Masterpiece, Heavyweights,

[39:57] and Steve Barron's magnum opus, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

[40:00] Still good.

[40:01] Can you guys think of any movies from your youth that fell into this trap, or if not,

[40:05] can you at least soothe the fat bastard-sized hole in my heart with some rippled quips?

[40:10] P.S.

[40:11] Free David Kaelin.

[40:12] He's not in prison.

[40:14] He's just always telling us sports stuff.

[40:17] Yeah.

[40:18] Free David Kaelin.

[40:20] I was actually thinking about this the other day.

[40:23] I was talking about Top Secret, the Zucker Brothers movie.

[40:29] With Valiant Kilmer?

[40:30] Yeah.

[40:31] Watching it now, maybe it's because all the jokes have been done by everyone else at this

[40:37] point now.

[40:38] It's been copied so many times.

[40:40] It just doesn't have the impact that it used to.

[40:43] Or maybe I was just younger and thought it was funnier.

[40:45] Well, no, that's true.

[40:46] I haven't seen the Naked Gun movies in a long time, and I loved those as a kid, and it might

[40:50] be the same thing.

[40:51] I might be like, ugh, this is not so great.

[40:55] A number of Mel Brooks' not-as-good movies fall into that.

[40:59] When I was in middle school, Spaceballs was the funniest movie in the world, and I cannot

[41:02] watch it now.

[41:03] It still is.

[41:04] I think it has that title.

[41:06] But you can't be afraid to look at the movies of your past and look at them with your adult

[41:10] eyes and say, hey, thank you for the joy you gave me as a child.

[41:14] I don't have to watch you ever again, and I can come to terms with your not being good

[41:19] for adults but good for kids.

[41:21] Like Summer School or Ski School?

[41:24] Any movie with school in the title.

[41:25] I mean, there are movies that I enjoyed as a kid that, like, it's more likely that I

[41:31] will have irrational affection for something that isn't that good, you know, objectively,

[41:37] you know, that I'll still enjoy watching it because of the time that I...

[41:42] I mean, there's, I guess, if that's, I don't know, like Teen Wolf maybe is like that for

[41:46] me.

[41:47] Yeah.

[41:48] Like, it was one of my sister's favorite movies, and we watched it all the time as a kid, and

[41:51] my wife had never seen it, and it was on TV, so we started watching it, and I was like,

[41:54] she was like, do we have to keep watching this?

[41:56] I was like, this is not a very good movie at all.

[41:58] No.

[41:59] Well, I mean, that's...

[42:00] It was never good.

[42:01] It's weirdly slow, that movie.

[42:02] It's incredibly slow.

[42:03] For a movie about a teenager who becomes a basketball-playing wolf, it is very slow.

[42:06] I mean, he looks more like a basketball-playing teddy bear man.

[42:10] He looks like a basketball-playing Greek guy.

[42:13] He's just very hairy.

[42:14] Yeah.

[42:15] I mean, I screamed, you know, I have a horror movie.

[42:20] You screamed.

[42:22] Every Halloween, I show either...

[42:24] You mean Halloween.

[42:25] Oh, man, the Crypt Keepers showed up.

[42:27] Hello, Flophouse Goons.

[42:30] I scream either way.

[42:32] I'm here to cast a ghost on your pod corpse.

[42:35] Flophouse Goons.

[42:37] Is goons a pun on something?

[42:39] No.

[42:40] Okay.

[42:41] Then I said ghost on your pod corpse, so I made up for it with two morgue puns.

[42:47] That was another one.

[42:48] Instead of more, I said morgue.

[42:52] Abracadabra.

[42:54] You're finally showing the puppeteer's strings here.

[42:57] I just point words out for no reason.

[42:59] I mean, like, abracadabra doesn't even fit into the conversation we were having.

[43:03] Sure it does.

[43:05] Sure it John Doe's.

[43:08] I guess a corpse is called a John Doe if it's not...

[43:11] Got a ghost.

[43:12] Oh, see you later.

[43:13] See you later, Corpsey.

[43:14] Crypty.

[43:16] See you later, Keepsy.

[43:18] See you later, CK.

[43:20] Every Halloween I show horror movies or movies that are Halloween related in some way,

[43:28] and I double them up.

[43:30] I have a movie that I like and a movie that's there just to make fun of.

[43:35] One year for the movie I liked, I showed The Monster Squad,

[43:38] and I could see the people in the audience who had not seen The Monster Squad when they were a child

[43:43] kind of baffled by my affection for it.

[43:47] But that's a case where it just persisted rather than I was able to let it go.

[43:52] Yeah.

[43:53] There are also movies that you genuinely outgrow.

[43:55] Like the Star Wars movies, for instance, I still have an affection for,

[43:58] but I don't get the same enjoyment out of them that I once did, you know.

[44:02] So...

[44:03] Whereas war games I could watch over and over again.

[44:05] Little Monsters with Howie Mandel and Fred Savage always gets better.

[44:09] There's so many layers to that one.

[44:13] Because onions have layers.

[44:15] Layer cake.

[44:16] Yeah.

[44:17] Is from...

[44:18] It tastes like onions.

[44:19] David, last name withheld, Elliot's brother.

[44:22] It is my brother, huh?

[44:23] David Gale is the...

[44:24] Oh, my God.

[44:25] What's...

[44:26] What...

[44:27] Okay.

[44:28] What is he correcting us about this time?

[44:29] Let's get our Maras and our Omaras straight, fellas.

[44:31] Oh, shit.

[44:32] First of all, I would like to nip in the butt any suggestion by Stuart...

[44:35] Did he say nip in the butt?

[44:36] Nip in the butt.

[44:37] Okay, because nip in the butt is the phrase.

[44:40] ...that I might be writing you all just to get attention,

[44:42] since I was actually invited to correct you this time.

[44:44] Wrong.

[44:45] With that out of the way, however, I'm sorry...

[44:47] That was a courtesy invitation, not meant to be taken up.

[44:50] I'm sorry to inform you...

[44:51] To be denied three times as custom allows.

[44:54] ...that Jason Mara is not related to Rooney Mara,

[44:56] because Jason Mara is, in fact, not his name.

[44:58] The actor from Terranova and Life on Mars is actually Jason Omara.

[45:02] While Omar is not related to the Mara family in any way that I can see,

[45:05] he is Irish.

[45:06] And you are the master genealogist.

[45:08] Which I suppose could lead to a connection,

[45:10] since Rooney and Kate Mara's grandfather, Dan Rooney,

[45:13] is currently the ambassador to Ireland,

[45:15] and the Rooney family did immigrate from down-country Ireland in the 19th century.

[45:19] That connection, however, is probably a bit of a stretch.

[45:23] I hope this clears this up for you.

[45:25] You can all now commit to your mockery.

[45:29] Oh, wow.

[45:30] So, like, the great...

[45:31] The curtain that hides the wheel of the universe

[45:34] that shows how everything fits into place has been...

[45:37] been pulled back.

[45:38] I hope the Mara family is paying him as the family genealogist.

[45:44] How's your brother's beard doing?

[45:46] He shaved it because the devils lost the Stanley Cup.

[45:48] Oh, that makes sense.

[45:49] Yeah.

[45:50] And because he looked like a Jewish mountain man.

[45:53] If a rabbi went into the woods to fight bears,

[45:56] he would come back looking like my brother.

[45:58] So, his beard was going to help them win, I guess?

[46:03] Yes, there's a...

[46:04] But then his beard failed.

[46:05] So, he punished it by shaving it.

[46:07] Yes.

[46:08] It turned out he had...

[46:09] He could only say the words that were in the number of hairs he had in his beard.

[46:13] Every time he said a word, a beard hair fell out.

[46:15] It got very patchy by the end.

[46:16] And when he lost all of his beard hair,

[46:18] he stopped looking like a crazy person.

[46:20] That was his curse.

[46:22] Crazy.

[46:23] But, yeah, the mystical link between his facial hair and the devils did not...

[46:26] did not win out.

[46:28] So, this letter is titled,

[46:30] Dear Flip House...

[46:32] What?

[46:33] I believe you've sent your letter to the wrong place,

[46:35] madam or sir.

[46:37] Hey, guys.

[46:38] I know you're super busy this week with Trapeze Fest.

[46:40] Are you trying to flip a house on us?

[46:44] Hey, guys.

[46:45] I know you're super busy this week with Trapeze Fest,

[46:47] but I just wanted to drop you a quick line

[46:49] and say how much I've loved the last episode.

[46:51] When Drew and Stan went off that riff about the 5th century Minoan pottery

[46:56] depicting the man doing a handstand on the back of a bull,

[46:59] I laughed harder than I'd ever laughed before.

[47:01] And the addition of the flip house flying squirrel is amazing.

[47:04] Drew sounds just like one.

[47:06] There are a ton of acrobatics-themed podcasts out there,

[47:08] but only one has the powerhouse, forgive the pun,

[47:11] team of Drew, Stan, and Wyatt.

[47:13] Flip house forever.

[47:15] Yours in perpetuity, Harrison Garbage.

[47:18] Harrison Garbage?

[47:20] Oh, the heir to the garbage fortune.

[47:22] Wow.

[47:23] He must be famous.

[47:24] Clearly it was a misdirected email.

[47:26] That seems to have fallen through a hole from an alternate universe.

[47:28] Once again, the guy organizing our mail bag has dropped the ball.

[47:33] Yeah, or the bag, as it were.

[47:35] Oh, we don't receive our mail in a ball?

[47:37] No, unlike everyone else in the universe.

[47:40] We also don't take our mail in a ball.

[47:44] It is not hurled through our windows, wrapped in a ball.

[47:48] This last letter is from David, last name withheld, Elliot's brother.

[47:54] Is it seriously my brother again?

[47:56] Oh my God.

[47:57] And he says...

[47:58] How can he write letters when we haven't even had episodes to respond to?

[48:02] I missed about four minutes of the live event of Quiet Cool Friday,

[48:05] so perhaps you guys pointed this out and I just wasn't there,

[48:08] or maybe I didn't hear you.

[48:09] God above.

[48:10] But during the film, there was something that bothered me

[48:14] about the actor playing inept lawman Mike Pryor in the town of Babylon.

[48:17] I mean, inept, I think, is unfair criticism.

[48:19] He's corrupt.

[48:20] He's very good at being corrupt.

[48:22] Mostly in that he looks very familiar, and I couldn't peg why.

[48:25] This morning it hit me, and I realized that Jared Martin, the man who played Pryor,

[48:29] also played the role of Frank Hillhurst in the 1994 Academy Award winner for Best Picture,

[48:34] Twin Sitters.

[48:35] That was robbed.

[48:36] Does this make Jared Martin the only person to appear in two Flophouse live event feature films?

[48:41] Or, perhaps more importantly, does it make him the greatest actor of our time?

[48:46] After all, he was in an episode of Silk Stockings, according to IMDb,

[48:50] and you just can't buy a juicy role like that.

[48:53] P.S. I know you're wondering why I haven't said anything about sports yet.

[48:56] So if you're looking for Italian, which I know you are,

[48:59] Martin was also in the 1980 TV movie Willow Bee, Women in Prison,

[49:03] in the role of Dave Tyree, which is also the same name as David Tyree,

[49:07] who's famous catch against his helmet in Super Bowl XLII.

[49:12] 100,001.

[49:13] Okay.

[49:14] Super Bowl 100,001.

[49:15] Helped lead the Giants to victory.

[49:17] You're welcome.

[49:18] That was a pretty far stretch for sports.

[49:20] But I do appreciate his pointing out something that Stuart actually texted me and Dan recently.

[49:25] Yeah.

[49:26] That that sheriff was the uncle in Twin Sitters.

[49:29] Mm-hmm.

[49:30] So the guy who went into protection.

[49:32] Or dad?

[49:33] Was he their dad or uncle?

[49:34] No, he was their uncle.

[49:35] Their uncle.

[49:36] Yeah, he's the guy who went into witness protection,

[49:38] because he was going to turn state's evidence on George Lazenby.

[49:41] It's just weird that after the events of that movie,

[49:43] he went on to become a corrupt sheriff in Northern California.

[49:47] He realized that that's crime pays.

[49:49] Crime pays, yeah.

[49:50] And also the Twin Sitters, I assume, ate his children.

[49:53] And so he needed to get away from Southern California, where he had all those bad memories.

[49:58] Yeah.

[50:00] Um, you know, he just spilled some water on my table and so I went and I got him a paper

[50:06] towel and then once I gave him the paper towel, he looked at me like it was the craziest thing

[50:09] in the world and he had nothing, no idea what to do with that towel.

[50:14] Physical comedy always works out right.

[50:15] I guess you can edit that out.

[50:17] That explanation.

[50:18] I just thought it was strange that like, it seemed very clear to me why I might be handing

[50:23] you something like that and you just.

[50:28] So movie pictures.

[50:29] Yeah, so film movies, Flophouse live event, it was great.

[50:33] Thanks David for reminding us to tell people about that, that there's a hidden connection

[50:37] between twin sitters and quiet cool.

[50:39] Can you find it?

[50:40] I hope you can since we just told you what it was.

[50:41] And I think this is the first one I've done since we did the live event, so thanks everybody

[50:46] for coming out.

[50:47] Yeah.

[50:48] Thank you very much for coming out everybody.

[50:49] And I want to mention that in violation of 92Y Tribeca policy, but in accordance with

[50:58] good internet policy, someone filmed our bits in between the, yeah, you're going to

[51:06] keep them anonymous.

[51:07] The live show?

[51:08] Yeah, sure.

[51:09] I don't want to get them prosecuted by night cops and come after them.

[51:11] 92Y Tribeca cops.

[51:12] But if you go on the Flophouse Facebook page, if you join the Flophouse Facebook group,

[51:16] you can see those hilarious bits.

[51:19] In case you missed it or in case you saw it and wanted to see it again, our three bits

[51:23] about quiet cool.

[51:25] They might not make a whole lot of sense to you if you haven't seen the movie quiet cool,

[51:29] So what you should do is watch half of quiet cool, pause it, watch the bits.

[51:34] You're going to want to pause it when they're trapped in the burning house.

[51:36] That's where we had the intermission.

[51:39] That's where the intermission was.

[51:40] Yeah.

[51:41] I mean, officially the Flophouse is against bootlegging, but unofficially we're not going

[51:46] to take those off of the internet.

[51:48] So yeah, that's 92Y Tribeca's job.

[51:52] So this is the part.

[51:53] And thank you to them for hosting us.

[51:54] Yeah.

[51:55] This is the part where we recommend a movie, a movie that we liked.

[52:00] Are you guys going to recommend a thousand words?

[52:02] Because I was thinking I might.

[52:03] I think you're pretty clear.

[52:04] Maybe if we do it all at the same time.

[52:07] Well, maybe I'll just recommend a different movie.

[52:09] How about that?

[52:10] Just to be safe.

[52:11] But then it'll be weird because then it'll just be me and Dan recommending it.

[52:13] That's okay.

[52:14] We don't need to make this a threesome show.

[52:18] Who's going first, Dan?

[52:19] You're the boss.

[52:20] You're the boss boss, man.

[52:21] Yeah.

[52:22] I'll just, I'll go.

[52:23] Why not?

[52:24] I feel like I don't need to recommend this movie to anyone who's listening to the Flophouse.

[52:28] I feel like it's squarely in the Flophouse demographic.

[52:31] But last night I rewatched Starship Troopers with a friend and a lady friend.

[52:39] Movie holds up.

[52:40] That's what I watch when I want to impress a lady friend.

[52:45] Starship Troopers.

[52:46] Starship Troopers.

[52:47] It's a movie like, it's one of these movies.

[52:49] Put a nuke down that bug hole.

[52:52] Speaking of putting things down bug holes.

[52:55] It's one of a couple movies that I really loved when I first saw that I feel like critical

[53:01] opinion is caught up with.

[53:02] Yeah.

[53:03] I'd say that.

[53:04] At the time people like all these critics were responding to it on its surface level

[53:08] as like this weird endorsement of fascism when it's clearly a satire of that and of

[53:14] like just rah rah like action films in general.

[53:19] I had the same sort of experience when I really enjoyed The Big Lebowski when it first

[53:22] came out.

[53:23] I remember a lot of people being like, what the fuck is this?

[53:26] Because it came out right after Fargo and people thought it was like this big step back.

[53:30] I was watching Starship Troopers last night and I was thinking how it's weird that I usually

[53:35] hate CGI, but for some reason the CGI bugs in that, even though that was very early CGI

[53:41] and it's not like they look particularly real.

[53:44] I still like it in that movie and I'm not quite sure why.

[53:48] I would say CGI has taken a huge step backwards since the 90s.

[53:51] If you compare like, for instance, Jurassic Park and the CGI in that to current CGI, it

[53:57] has gotten cheaper and quicker to do because they put less care into it.

[54:01] Yeah, there's like an understanding of its limitations so they are careful about how

[54:06] they use it.

[54:07] Yeah.

[54:08] Unlike, say, fucking The Expendables where they just use CGI for all the blood.

[54:12] Yeah.

[54:13] All right.

[54:14] But anyway, Starship Troopers.

[54:15] Go see it if you haven't.

[54:17] Yep, it's playing in a theater near you many years ago.

[54:20] By which we mean your house, if you rent it.

[54:24] If you can find a video rental place, which you can't.

[54:26] Or just get it on Netflix.

[54:27] Anyway.

[54:28] Or imagine it.

[54:29] Or read the book by Robert Heinlein.

[54:30] It won't have CGI bugs probably.

[54:31] No, it probably won't.

[54:32] Unless you use your imagination for those too.

[54:33] Imagination is the movie in your brain.

[54:34] The movie in your brain.

[54:35] Your brain movie.

[54:36] Otherwise known as a broovie.

[54:37] Unless you have a terrible imagination, in which case that movie sucks.

[54:46] So hell yeah.

[54:47] It's called Sucker Punch then.

[54:48] What do you want to recommend?

[54:50] I would like to recommend a new film that's in theaters now.

[54:53] So not Starship Troopers.

[54:55] So not Starship Troopers.

[54:57] I'd like to recommend a movie I saw on Friday and didn't know that Dan was going to the

[55:02] exact same screening of it until he walked into the theater.

[55:05] But that movie is...

[55:06] They look at you uncomfortably and then sit as far from you as possible.

[55:09] Yeah, but that's just because I knew that Dan was going to masturbate during the film.

[55:12] So I was glad he was sitting that far away.

[55:14] Sure.

[55:15] I'd like to recommend Wes Anderson's new movie Moonrise Kingdom.

[55:17] There are a lot of people who don't like Wes Anderson.

[55:19] That's okay.

[55:20] That's fine.

[55:21] And he certainly does...

[55:22] He has his styles in full force in this movie.

[55:25] But I feel like as far as his movies go, it is maybe the most mature he's made so far.

[55:29] And I think the best he's done so far.

[55:31] He's boiled down his story and his characters to a very focused intensity.

[55:35] There are a lot of really funny jokes in it.

[55:37] The emotions in it are much more powerful.

[55:39] And I think he's found his voice by taking children as his main characters as opposed

[55:46] to kind of fucked up adults who can't get over their childhoods.

[55:50] And it makes those character flaws both easier to accept and more sympathetic.

[55:55] I think when it's coming from a child as opposed to a fucking adult who can't get off his ass

[55:59] and just do things.

[56:01] But I really liked it a lot and I thought it was great.

[56:03] And I found it both funny and affecting.

[56:05] Everything a thousand words was not.

[56:06] And I want to say something about Wes Anderson.

[56:08] I really liked the movie too.

[56:11] It's not my personal favorite Wes Anderson movie.

[56:15] So is that your final judgment on that one?

[56:17] Yes.

[56:18] But I really liked it.

[56:19] But I just wanted to address Wes Anderson haters in general.

[56:23] Dan's got to wade into the controversy.

[56:25] I will take the role of Wes Anderson hater.

[56:28] I don't understand.

[56:29] Grrr.

[56:30] Too many daddy issues.

[56:31] I feel cute.

[56:32] I feel like a lot of people are irritated by the framing.

[56:38] Too much symmetry.

[56:39] So much orange.

[56:40] People are outraged at Wes Anderson for making Wes Anderson movies.

[56:44] I feel like people are mad about the fact that he's making these movies.

[56:48] Grrr.

[56:49] Grrr on him.

[56:50] Can I just make my point without moving?

[56:53] Sure.

[56:54] Go ahead.

[56:55] It's weird to me how mad people get over the fact that these Wes Anderson movies exist

[56:58] because they're so Wes Anderson-y.

[57:01] That's what makes them mad.

[57:02] And it's like, guys, 99.9% of all movies are non-Wes Anderson movies.

[57:08] So just go watch one of those fucking things.

[57:10] If you don't like Wes Anderson, stop complaining about the fact that he has a personal style

[57:14] and he does these things.

[57:16] Well, are you saying that people are going out of their way to be like, Wes Anderson

[57:21] sucks or is it because they're like, oh, there's a new Wes Anderson movie.

[57:24] I don't care for him.

[57:26] I feel like people are actually going out of their way to say Wes Anderson sucks.

[57:29] In front of the theater, holding up signs.

[57:31] There's a lot of protests.

[57:32] I just, I feel like his movies inspire a level of ire in certain people that is way out of

[57:38] proportion with like anything that he's done.

[57:41] You know, like I, I, are you seeing this mainly on the internet?

[57:45] Because I feel like everything on the internet inspires a level of ire it doesn't really

[57:48] deserve.

[57:49] That's true.

[57:50] But I have had like personal conversations with people about Wes Anderson movies.

[57:53] It's like, oh, you know, he does that thing, that Wes Anderson thing.

[57:56] I'm like, yeah, because he's fucking Wes Anderson.

[57:59] Why do you get mad at a person for doing the thing that they're known for doing?

[58:03] I would agree with you except that there are plenty, there are a number of creative artists

[58:06] who have their own tics that bug me and I could just as easily avoid their stuff, but

[58:10] I'd still get frustrated by it.

[58:12] I think that it's amplified out of proportion with him is my argument.

[58:16] Well, I'm going to talk about some movies I've seen recently.

[58:19] Mrs. Wes Anderson can take the first one.

[58:20] The first one I saw recently, which has inspired no ire from anybody was Prometheus.

[58:27] First one where I have to admit, I'm surprised by how angry people have been about it.

[58:31] I mean, come on, dude, there's like alien sex, spoiler alert.

[58:34] There's all kinds of monsters and there's like a bunch of sci-fi garbage.

[58:39] That's a lot of fun.

[58:40] Like, I don't know why people are people.

[58:41] People have gotten very angry about that in a way I don't quite get.

[58:44] Well, I don't get like some of like the nitpicky arguments like at my birthday, I had an argument

[58:48] with a friend of mine who was like upset about the like the the surgery pod.

[58:54] So it's not stuff that people haven't seen, which is like quite obviously like the best

[58:58] fucking thing in the movie.

[59:00] But maybe I would say, yeah, that's the best thing.

[59:02] I like everything.

[59:03] He got mad about the fact that this lady was running around after she had this major surgery.

[59:08] And I'm like, what a weird, like Internet fanboy thing to get mad about.

[59:12] Like, I'm willing to accept, OK, this is a science fiction film.

[59:14] They have this magic medical pod.

[59:16] She's more healed than she would be normal.

[59:19] Let's just get on with it.

[59:19] Let's take the word science fiction out of your answer.

[59:21] This is a film.

[59:22] Yeah, this is a movie.

[59:23] Deal with it.

[59:24] Like people do that kind of stuff in movies all the time.

[59:26] Let's just, you know.

[59:27] Yeah, it's make believe.

[59:28] You can make up whatever they want.

[59:29] This same person that you're talking about complained to me about how the archaeologist

[59:33] wasn't like an archaeologist.

[59:34] He was like this extreme sports type guy, fucking, you know, not an archaeologist at all.

[59:39] It's a movie.

[59:40] You know what?

[59:42] They're always going to cast more attractive versions of things.

[59:44] Have you seen like the people who get into like the sciences?

[59:47] They have a wide range of interests.

[59:49] Like, no, they're all nerds.

[59:51] All button down nerds.

[59:52] They all look exactly the same.

[59:53] They're wearing lab coats and glasses.

[59:55] And that's the only type of person there is.

[59:57] Yeah.

[59:58] Anyway, what were you going to say, Stuart?

[59:59] No, no.

[1:00:00] Yeah, I totally liked it. It's a movie that I enjoyed, and yet I can agree with every negative complaint.

[1:00:09] Every criticism, you're like, yeah, that's true, but it was also a lot of fun.

[1:00:12] Yeah, and it's a movie that, to this day, I still think about a good deal.

[1:00:17] Even now, weeks later. To this day.

[1:00:22] A decade, a full decade later.

[1:00:25] I'm haunted by putting on the 3D glasses.

[1:00:28] It was one of the best uses of 3D I've seen, and I do not like 3D,

[1:00:31] but the way they used it for the computer displays I thought was really great.

[1:00:35] Yeah, and I love getting to see a little bit of Lawrence of Arabia in 3D.

[1:00:39] Yeah, as it was meant to be seen.

[1:00:41] Yep, as intended.

[1:00:43] Were you going to recommend something else, though? You said you saw two.

[1:00:45] Did you guys already recommend Prometheus?

[1:00:48] I think I might have.

[1:00:50] You may have last time.

[1:00:51] Last time, just because I haven't seen a lot of movies lately.

[1:00:53] But a double rec is okay.

[1:00:54] And I saw Haywire, which I think you recommended, and I liked that.

[1:00:57] I like watching actors get beat up by an MMA fighter.

[1:01:00] And I'd also like to recommend Hard Target starring Jean-Claude Van Damme as Chance Boudreau.

[1:01:07] Jean-Claude's first American film, Hard Target?

[1:01:09] Oh, yeah, it's amazing.

[1:01:10] Wilford Brimley's great. He's got a bow and arrow. Watch it.

[1:01:13] All right. Yeah, sure. Who wouldn't want to see Wilford Brimley with a bow and arrow?

[1:01:16] That's a fucking triple recommendation.

[1:01:18] Yeah, that's three movies.

[1:01:20] Each better than the last.

[1:01:23] All three are playing in theaters near you.

[1:01:26] Nope. Not at all.

[1:01:28] I don't know why you have certain strong memories of movie advertisements,

[1:01:32] but the billboards for Hard Target with the spearhead with Jean-Claude Van Damme's face in it,

[1:01:38] for some reason, has stuck with me for such a long time.

[1:01:41] And he's got that really cool mullet.

[1:01:44] Yeah. They're movies I like much more that I cannot remember what the posters looked like.

[1:01:47] Hard Target just burned into my mind.

[1:01:51] I can't stop thinking of when he does those high kicks.

[1:01:55] Because he wears really tight jeans, but he can still do really high karate kicks.

[1:01:58] Those are probably Chuck Norris action jeans.

[1:02:00] The jeans designed to give you more leg movement.

[1:02:02] Really?

[1:02:03] Yeah.

[1:02:04] Those exist?

[1:02:05] They used to exist.

[1:02:06] A couple years ago, we found an old ad for them online.

[1:02:09] I saw a website that had it up.

[1:02:11] And my boss, Rory, called the number in the ad, which is like a warehouse somewhere,

[1:02:16] and asked them if they had any Chuck Norris action jeans lying around that he could buy.

[1:02:20] But they said they hadn't sold them in years.

[1:02:23] That's a shame.

[1:02:24] Because if I know anyone who could use some Chuck Norris action jeans, it's Rory.

[1:02:28] It's Rory, yeah.

[1:02:29] But I just love that he was like, is the number readable?

[1:02:31] Yeah, I'm calling that company.

[1:02:33] Really?

[1:02:34] Because this ad is like 25 years old.

[1:02:36] I don't care.

[1:02:38] Maybe they still have some in a box.

[1:02:40] Last-minute straws.

[1:02:41] It's like archaeologists searching for secrets of our creator.

[1:02:45] The moral of the story is always follow your dreams.

[1:02:48] Trillion-dollar space exploration to find action jeans.

[1:02:52] Always follow your dreams, even if it's to a warehouse in Pennsylvania.

[1:02:55] Keep hoping.

[1:02:56] Yeah, keep hope alive.

[1:02:58] Keep the Pope alive.

[1:03:01] Yeah, I think we can end there.

[1:03:03] With a stirring call for people to not kill the Pope.

[1:03:06] Please, the Flophouse says don't kill the Pope.

[1:03:09] Yeah, we can all agree on that controversial stance.

[1:03:11] Remember the lesson of a thousand words.

[1:03:13] The anti-murder stance.

[1:03:14] Should not be killed.

[1:03:15] Still trying to figure out how action jeans would work.

[1:03:18] I don't know.

[1:03:19] Is there like extra room in those?

[1:03:21] They're stretchier for some reason.

[1:03:22] So they're like jeggings?

[1:03:24] They're like LBJ's jeans.

[1:03:26] They've got more space in the bunghole area.

[1:03:28] Nobody knows what you're talking about.

[1:03:30] Okay.

[1:03:31] So let's just wrap up the episode, huh?

[1:03:32] All right.

[1:03:33] For the Flophouse.

[1:03:34] What?

[1:03:35] Bunghole?

[1:03:36] Look it up.

[1:03:37] Google LBJ and bunghole and you'll be in for a treat.

[1:03:40] Probably not going to do that.

[1:03:42] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:03:46] I'm still Stuart Wellington.

[1:03:49] And I continue to be Elliot Kalin as himself.

[1:03:52] Night, everyone.

[1:03:53] Boom.

[1:03:54] Good night.

[1:03:55] Another one down.

[1:03:56] Click clack.

[1:04:06] Dwight, can I be the murderous Android?

[1:04:09] I think you are.

[1:04:10] Is this Saturn 3?

[1:04:11] Hello, Elliot.

[1:04:12] Oh, you're the Prometheus murderous Android.

[1:04:14] I'm a murderous robot.

[1:04:16] Be nice to me or I'll put things in your drink.

[1:04:19] Don't make fun of the fact that I can't have a baby.

The Flop House: Episode #105 - A Thousand Words

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