The Flop House: Episode #107 - Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] On this episode of the Flophouse, we review Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance.

[0:08] Oh, you spilled it!

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:40] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:42] And I'm Elliot Kalin, as himself.

Stuart Wellington

[0:44] Hey.

[0:45] Hey, what's up, man?

Dan McCoy

[0:46] Hey.

[0:47] We're doing a podcast.

[0:48] Man, you're smiling. You're a good one. What's going on?

Elliott Kalan

[0:50] You're always shocked that we're doing a podcast.

Dan McCoy

[0:52] It seems weird, because I've spent the last 15 minutes setting up all the equipment.

Elliott Kalan

[0:56] Yeah, who could have warned you?

Stuart Wellington

[1:00] That it was to have a podcast.

[1:02] And we watched a movie before that, so you'd assume...

[1:05] And we also...

[1:06] We weren't doing that just for funsies?

[1:07] And we also made plans weeks ahead of time.

Dan McCoy

[1:10] Weird.

[1:11] Man, I've got to start getting control of my life.

[1:14] Yeah, that's true.

[1:15] I'm spiraling out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16] I think the start would be to put some pants on.

Dan McCoy

[1:18] I mean, the good thing is I'm apparently doing everything on autopilot.

[1:22] I'm just doing all this stuff, even though I don't know why.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24] I guess that's good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26] Is this the DanCast, your weekly therapy podcast?

[1:29] It's different than our traditional DuckCast.

Dan McCoy

[1:31] I think we established that I don't know what's going on, so...

[1:33] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35] Why don't you explain, Elliot?

[1:37] Well, for those of you listening for the first time, because every episode is somebody's first time...

[1:41] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:42] This is the Flophouse.

[1:42] They're getting fucked while they're listening to this, is what you're saying.

[1:45] Whoa, whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45] We're what?

[1:46] A minute and a half in?

Dan McCoy

[1:48] Give it some time.

[1:49] All right.

[1:50] Sorry.

[1:50] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50] You've got to fucking tease it a little bit.

[1:53] You've got to make sure it's cool, and then you slip in the whole swearing.

Dan McCoy

[1:56] Okay.

[1:57] Yeah, exactly.

[1:58] Not the way I would have put it.

[1:59] I can only assume that that seemed like the way you said it, sexualized it a little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[2:03] So, for those of you just joining us for the first episode, if you've never heard before, this is the Flophouse.

[2:09] It's a podcast starring three friends in real life who are also friends on a podcast.

[2:15] Okay.

[2:15] And they watch a movie that in some ways they flop, critically, financially, or just bad.

[2:20] Who cares?

[2:21] And then they talk about it afterwards.

Dan McCoy

[2:23] Yeah.

[2:23] And tonight we watched a little movie called Ghost Rider, Spirit of Vengeance.

Stuart Wellington

[2:29] I mean, financially, it was a big movie, right?

[2:30] It was a big hit financially.

[2:32] Critically, not so much.

[2:33] I mean, it stars a Flophouse fave.

[2:36] Mm-hmm.

[2:36] That's right.

[2:37] Idris Elba.

[2:39] Boom.

[2:41] You guys were fucking practicing that in the bathroom, weren't you?

Dan McCoy

[2:44] Among other things.

[2:45] Although, to be fair, Idris Elba actually was in a couple of Flophouse movies.

[2:48] He was.

[2:49] Yeah, he was in Prom Night and Obsessed.

Elliott Kalan

[2:51] Obsessed, but it also stars our real Flophouse favorite, Mr. Nicolas Cage.

Stuart Wellington

[2:56] Yeah.

[2:57] Mm-hmm.

[2:57] So, Cage-o-files out there, you can check this off on your Cage calendar.

[3:01] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[3:02] Which is like an advent calendar, but little Nicolas Cage is always behind the doors.

[3:05] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[3:06] You flip over the month, you flip it over to August, and lo and behold, you reveal...

[3:11] Right there.

[3:12] Ghost Rider.

Elliott Kalan

[3:13] DVD copy of Honeymoon in Vegas.

[3:15] Weird.

Stuart Wellington

[3:16] So, Dan, why don't you pull up on your screen there.

[3:20] How many Nicolas Cage movies have we...

[3:22] Have we...

[3:22] I have no screen, and I don't have that...

[3:25] Way to ruin the illusion.

[3:26] I was just trying to be friends.

[3:27] So, let's just say 400,000.

[3:28] Yeah.

[3:29] We've done 400,000 episodes.

[3:31] Of Nicolas Cage movies.

[3:33] Yes.

[3:33] Yeah.

[3:33] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[3:34] Also, in our sister podcast, we've mentioned before The Cage House.

[3:37] Yeah.

[3:38] Or we just talked Nick Cage.

Dan McCoy

[3:40] And the episode of the Star Trek The Cage.

[3:43] Yeah, yeah.

[3:44] Of the Star Trek, I call it.

[3:45] The Star Trek, yeah.

[3:46] I turned into a grandparent.

Elliott Kalan

[3:48] That is the first sign of age, is when you start putting the in front of things that don't belong.

[3:53] So, this is a sequel of sorts, right?

[3:55] It is a sequel, period.

[3:56] It was a sequel, literally.

Dan McCoy

[3:57] Yeah, it's not of sorts.

[3:58] In the sort that it is a sequel.

[4:01] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[4:01] This is a sequel to the hit film Ghost Rider.

[4:03] Sure.

[4:03] In which Nicolas Cage first introduced us.

[4:05] Played a ghost that rode.

[4:06] Yep.

[4:07] That's, I guess, the simplest part of it.

[4:09] He's actually not a ghost.

[4:10] What?

[4:10] It's a man with a demon trapped inside of him that turns him into a flaming skull-headed biker monster.

[4:16] Yep.

[4:17] Who fights crime and wants to root out evil.

[4:19] You gotta say, that sounds like the best thing ever.

[4:21] Well, he punishes evildoers.

[4:23] Mm-hmm.

[4:23] The last movie, which is recapped in the very beginning of this movie after a short fight scene between Idris Elba and some Euro trash types over a kid.

[4:33] In the last movie, Nicolas Cage, a...

Stuart Wellington

[4:36] A very Creole Idris Elba.

Elliott Kalan

[4:37] A Creole.

[4:38] Well, he's French.

[4:39] Okay.

[4:40] But he also could be possibly like Haitian.

[4:43] Sure.

[4:43] You know, some other country that speaks French.

[4:46] But his name is Moreau.

[4:48] He speaks French.

[4:49] He's obsessed with wine, as we'll find out later in the movie.

[4:52] But Nicolas Cage was a daredevil stunt biker.

[4:55] Johnny Blaze.

[4:56] Mm-hmm.

[4:57] And he should have known from his fire-based last name that he would turn into a fire demon.

[5:01] But no, he didn't.

[5:02] Finding out his father, also a stunt biker, is dying, he sells his soul to the devil, and he is turned into Ghost Rider.

[5:10] A spirit of vengeance.

Stuart Wellington

[5:11] Here, played by TV's Kieran Hines.

[5:15] What does he play on TV?

Dan McCoy

[5:16] Well, he's in that new Sigourney Weaver TV show.

Stuart Wellington

[5:18] Oh, Political Animals?

[5:19] Yeah, and he was also Julius Caesar in Rome.

[5:22] Okay, there you go.

Dan McCoy

[5:24] So he plays a devil in this.

Stuart Wellington

[5:26] Yeah, he's earned the prefects TV.

[5:28] He's replacing Peter Fonda from the first Ghost Rider movie.

[5:32] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[5:33] Maybe they morphed into each other.

[5:35] Well, he also replaced him in Easy Rider 2, Future World 2, West World 3, and many other Peter Fonda movies.

Stuart Wellington

[5:41] He's like Tom Berenger's Treat Williams, is what you're saying.

Elliott Kalan

[5:43] Exactly, yeah.

[5:44] Yuli's Gold 2, the search for Yuli's Gold.

[5:48] But, so, he's told to solve the devil.

[5:51] Enough said.

[5:52] So, there's this kid that the devil is chasing after, and we don't know why.

[5:57] Yeah, why was going on?

[5:58] The devil's henchmen are all over this kid.

[6:00] And the kid is with his mom, who's a single mom.

[6:02] They're in Eastern Europe.

[6:03] We know this because the words Eastern Europe show up on the screen at the very beginning.

[6:08] Can't get more specific than that.

[6:09] That seems like a pretty wide swath.

[6:11] Eventually, they're in a place.

[6:11] Eventually, they're somewhere in Turkey.

Stuart Wellington

[6:12] I mean, I pretty much assumed it was Eastern Europe from the amount of eye shadow our leading lady was wearing.

Elliott Kalan

[6:18] And also the fact that the entire movie looks like it was shot in cheap Eastern European locations.

[6:24] And all the henchmen are wearing leather jackets.

[6:26] Yeah.

[6:26] I kind of like the fact that they copped to it taking place in Eastern Europe since it obviously was shot there.

[6:32] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[6:32] It's like Rumble in the Bronx that was shot in Toronto.

Elliott Kalan

[6:36] That's why you had those snow-capped peaks rising over the Bronx.

[6:39] All the dune buggies racing through the streets.

[6:42] Ending up on golf courses.

[6:45] Or how Vicky Cristina Barcelona was actually filmed inside a volcano.

Dan McCoy

[6:49] It is weird how there's just lava oozing behind every scene.

Stuart Wellington

[6:54] Constantly, yeah.

[6:55] Although that was sexual tension.

[6:56] But in fact, it was hot magma.

Elliott Kalan

[6:59] That's what the wood man said it represented.

[7:02] That's what all his fans call him.

[7:03] And I'm talking, of course, of Woody Harrelson.

[7:07] Star of Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

[7:11] He played Barcelona.

[7:12] Yeah.

[7:13] He played the title character of Barcelona.

[7:16] Barcelona Jones, the detective.

[7:18] Who Vicky hires to catch Cristina after Cristina runs off with the drug money.

[7:25] Anywho, so they're after this kid.

[7:30] And Idris Elba approaches Johnny Blaze, who is living in a shack in the middle of nowhere, and tells him,

[7:35] Sounds right.

[7:36] I know you have a demon inside you that turns you into a motorcycle madman.

[7:41] If you...

[7:42] Why is this movie called Motorcycle Madman?

[7:45] It'd be pretty great if it was.

[7:46] And I am in desperate need of a motorcycle madman.

[7:49] If you help me find this kid, I will take you to a secret monk labyrinth where they will pull the demon out of you and you'll be safe.

[7:56] Your curse will be over.

[7:57] And Johnny Blaze is like...

[7:58] Good deal.

[7:59] Yeah.

[7:59] And Nicolas Cage does a lot of, like, shaking his head and acting like he's a drug fiend.

[8:03] And then says, Okay, I'll do it.

[8:04] And then turns into the Ghost Rider as the villains catch up with the kid and his mom.

[8:09] Right as they're in the midst of kidnapping, literally, as the kid has been knocked unconscious and is taking a nap.

[8:15] Ghost Rider...

[8:16] Not after putting up quite a fight.

[8:17] He puts up quite...

[8:18] Yeah, the kid and his mom are pretty much almost a match for four Eastern European henchmen, which is pretty impressive or just disappointing if it's the henchmen we're talking about.

Stuart Wellington

[8:27] So the arrival of a giant flaming demon kind of tips the scales a little?

Elliott Kalan

[8:32] Not that much, actually.

[8:33] And they don't seem that phased by it.

[8:35] Even after he uses a magic fire chain to turn three of the henchmen into literally ash.

[8:40] Their bodies burn up in an instant.

[8:41] Yeah, it's like they're vampires.

[8:43] And one guy, Ghost Rider, performs his penance stare on, which returns the pain the gazer has caused tenfold to, I guess, also turn a guy into fire dust.

[8:53] But then the main henchman bad guy, whose name is Kerrigan, after Nancy Kerrigan, the ice skater, shoots Ghost Rider with like a giant...

[9:03] What is it, like a cannon shell?

[9:04] It's like a bazooka or something.

[9:06] And Ghost Rider's kind of knocked out.

[9:08] And they take the kid and drive away.

Stuart Wellington

[9:11] Yeah, because that's his weakness in the comics, right?

[9:13] His bazooka shells.

Elliott Kalan

[9:14] He's being hit with bazooka shells.

[9:17] It's a pretty specific superhero weakness.

[9:19] You can drop an atom bomb on him.

[9:20] He's fine.

[9:21] But a bazooka shell, can't take it.

Dan McCoy

[9:22] That's why Ghost Rider's main supervillain was Bazooka Joe.

Elliott Kalan

[9:25] Yeah.

[9:26] Well, the weird thing of...

[9:27] Also a comic book hero.

[9:28] Yeah.

[9:29] Bazooka Joe was killing people and stealing their eyes to see if they fit where his eye was missing.

[9:37] That's like if Neil Gaiman wrote a Bazooka Joe comic.

Dan McCoy

[9:41] And if you pull down Mort's turtleneck, all you see is a horrifically scarred face.

Elliott Kalan

[9:48] And he's sharp demon teeth.

[9:50] Yeah.

[9:50] So Ghost Rider and this mom and Idris Elba are on the chase to find this kid and to stop the bad guys because it turns out this kid is the son of the devil.

Stuart Wellington

[9:59] So it could have been called Catch That Kid.

Elliott Kalan

[10:01] It could have been called Ghost Rider Catch That Kid.

[10:04] Yeah.

[10:05] Which would have been a pretty great title.

[10:07] Except it would have meant at some point in the movie he would have had to have said, Catch That Kid.

[10:12] The devil's name is Rourke.

[10:15] It turns out that he wants to...

[10:17] The devil is inside of a weak human shell that is literally burning up from the inside.

[10:20] It can't contain the unholy power of the devil.

[10:23] And so he wants to transfer his soul into the kid's body.

[10:26] The kid's body being stronger because it's half demon, half human.

[10:30] But also already has demon powers in it which allow him to turn off the Ghost Rider element inside of Johnny Blaze.

[10:38] Now there's a lot of people getting driven around back and forth.

[10:41] Sure.

[10:42] There's a big fight scene at a bad guy military installation where Ghost Rider gets into a giant chainsaw crane which goes up in flames and he's just slamming it down on top of people.

[10:54] Yeah.

[10:55] And I think he's laughing.

[10:56] He's totally getting involved.

[10:57] He is loving it.

[10:58] I mean Ghost Rider is loving it.

[11:00] In the comics he's a pretty stoic figure and he doesn't seem to get much pleasure.

[11:04] Implacable.

[11:05] Implacable.

[11:05] Doesn't seem to even have much of a personality.

[11:07] But here I guess there's a lot of Nicolas Cage coming through because he's like wisecracking at times.

[11:13] Yeah.

[11:13] There's definitely some classic Cage moments in this movie.

[11:15] Yeah.

[11:15] He enjoys...

[11:16] There's one scene where Johnny Cage is...

[11:18] Johnny Cage.

[11:19] Johnny Blaze is riding his motorcycle straight towards the camera while fighting the urge to turn into Ghost Rider and then eventually succumbing to it.

[11:27] And it's like...

Stuart Wellington

[11:28] It's the climax of the movie basically for all his cage...

[11:29] All his cage of files.

Elliott Kalan

[11:30] Yes.

[11:30] Except it's like 25 minutes in.

[11:32] But it's basically...

[11:33] It looks like a scene from Kung Fu Hustle.

[11:35] Like it's really cartoony.

[11:36] His eyes are disappearing into skull holes and he's like...

[11:39] Oh!

[11:40] Ah!

Dan McCoy

[11:41] Ah!

[11:41] Well he's also...

[11:41] He's like shaking his head like...

[11:44] You know he's like Bruce Campbell in one of the Evil Dead movies trying to like keep himself from transforming fully into like a deadite.

Stuart Wellington

[11:50] Yeah.

[11:50] It's basically...

[11:51] Yeah.

[11:51] It's like that or like Jim Carrey in the mask.

[11:53] Yeah.

[11:53] In the max-c.

[11:54] In the max-c.

Dan McCoy

[11:56] That's Popeye who just saw the mask.

Elliott Kalan

[11:58] Ah!

[11:58] I just saw that movie the max-c.

[12:00] That wasn't a good Popeye at all.

[12:02] No.

[12:02] I'm going to do this thing where he says...

Dan McCoy

[12:04] You saved it.

[12:05] You saved it.

Elliott Kalan

[12:06] Now I'm going to walk over here.

[12:07] I'm a little...

[12:08] I'm a little out of the way.

[12:09] Can't see the screen.

[12:10] Ah!

[12:10] Well I think that...

Dan McCoy

[12:11] That's one of the greatest things about the Popeye cartoons is just like the Popeye has the need to narrate everything.

[12:15] The Popeye?

Elliott Kalan

[12:17] The Popeye.

[12:17] The Batman all of a sudden?

[12:19] He narrates everything that happens on the screen.

[12:21] The legend of the Popeye.

[12:22] Yeah.

[12:22] Let me go over here now.

[12:23] Well that's because...

[12:24] How do you like this?

[12:24] It was great because you had...

[12:26] What was his name?

[12:27] Mercer?

[12:27] I can't remember the name of the guy who did Popeye's voice who I think was just one of the animators at the Fleischer Studios.

[12:32] Right.

[12:33] But like so they would just shove in dialogue when Popeye's mouth wasn't moving.

[12:37] And just like...

[12:37] Yeah.

[12:37] I guess I'll go over here.

[12:38] Oh.

[12:39] Not much over there.

[12:39] Where is there?

[12:40] And like those are the funniest jokes in the whole thing.

[12:44] But anyway...

[12:46] So that happens a bunch.

[12:48] So that's...

[12:48] So that...

[12:49] We'll talk more about that when we finally watch the Popeye Rises.

[12:52] The final of the Popeye trilogy.

[12:55] But there...

[12:56] Where were we?

[12:57] Oh yeah.

[12:57] So there's...

[12:58] So Ghost Rider's enjoying himself a lot.

[13:00] But Johnny Cage...

[13:01] Not so much.

[13:02] Again.

[13:03] Johnny Blaze does not like it.

[13:04] I'll just call him Nicolas Cage.

Stuart Wellington

[13:05] You can call him Johnny Cage.

[13:07] I mean he is the hero of the Mortal Kombat universe.

[13:09] That's true.

[13:09] Or the avant-garde musician.

Elliott Kalan

[13:12] So they...

[13:12] Eventually they capture the kid.

[13:13] They catch that kid as the title says.

[13:15] And they take him to a secret monk labyrinth.

[13:20] It's like cave dwellings or Mos Eisley.

[13:24] Or as Stuart you said it's like the set for Eternia from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

Dan McCoy

[13:28] Suddenly there's a lot of Vaseline on the lens.

Elliott Kalan

[13:30] Yeah.

[13:31] It's all very...

[13:31] It's filtered through red colors.

[13:33] And they're with these monks.

[13:34] One of them played by...

[13:36] Fan favorite Christopher Lambert.

[13:37] Fan favorite.

Stuart Wellington

[13:38] Or Christopher Lambert.

Elliott Kalan

[13:39] And he's got...

[13:40] In his native tongue.

[13:41] He has words tattooed all over him like the guy in that one story in Qui-Don.

[13:45] And they are supposed to do a ritual that's going to remove the devil from inside the kid's body.

Stuart Wellington

[13:50] So we meet a bunch of crazy monks with tattoos all over them.

[13:53] And they look like they live in a Jawa village but they're not Jawas.

[13:57] Jawas.

[13:57] And so we're supposed to...

[13:58] Jawas.

[13:59] We meet these guys.

[14:00] Jawas with jowls.

[14:02] We meet these guys and of course they're fucking bad guys.

[14:05] They're bad dudes.

Elliott Kalan

[14:06] They act like bad guys.

[14:07] They are going to kill the kid because it's the only way to...

[14:10] They say to stop him.

[14:11] But they're like...

[14:12] Christopher Lambert is smiling while he's saying it.

[14:15] Also right before this Idris Elba manages to release the curse from Johnny Blaze.

[14:20] He does this by giving him a piece of host or bread to...

[14:24] Actually it's not host.

[14:25] It's just bread.

[14:26] Sure.

[14:26] To represent the body of Christ.

[14:27] They drink 2,000 year old wine.

[14:29] The best kind of wine.

[14:30] Idris Elba talks for a long time about how much he loves wine.

[14:33] And then he basically...

[14:34] You basically sweat out the ghost rider the same way you would sweat out a heroin addiction.

[14:38] Yeah.

[14:38] He locks Johnny Blaze in a room and Johnny Blaze just kind of DTs and hallucinates until he doesn't have a demon inside of him anymore.

[14:45] But that's when they find out, uh-oh, the monks want to kill the kid by chopping his head off.

[14:49] That's the kind of time when you'd want to have a demon inside you, right?

[14:52] You better believe it.

[14:53] Luckily, someone else comes to the kid's rescue.

[14:56] Who is it?

[14:56] It's Kerrigan who was killed but brought back to life by the devil as classic ghost rider villain Blackout.

Stuart Wellington

[15:03] Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the bad guy in the original ghost rider movie Blackout?

Elliott Kalan

[15:08] That was Blackheart.

[15:10] That was Blackheart.

[15:10] The son of Mephisto.

[15:12] Okay.

[15:12] So this guy's completely unrelated.

[15:14] Completely unrelated.

[15:16] Except in the way that all the ghost rider villains are related because they're all kind of crappy.

[15:20] Don't they all look like ninjas or something?

[15:22] No.

[15:22] You're thinking of Death Watch.

[15:24] Okay.

[15:24] The ninja mob boss with long hair.

[15:27] There's also...

[15:27] Okay.

[15:28] So was he in this movie?

[15:29] He's not.

[15:30] Neither is Vengeance, the anti-hero version of Ghost Rider.

[15:33] What about Snowblind?

[15:34] Snowblind is not in it.

[15:35] Neither is Zodiac.

[15:36] Is he a ninja?

[15:36] I don't think so.

[15:38] Not all of Ghost Rider's villains are ninjas.

Dan McCoy

[15:40] But I mean...

[15:41] But all of them have names that sound like G.I. Joe villains apparently.

[15:44] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[15:44] Well, they were...

[15:45] Which thus means they could all be ninjas.

[15:47] Okay.

[15:47] Good point.

[15:48] Touché.

[15:48] Checkmate.

[15:48] Very...

[15:49] Mate and checkmate.

Elliott Kalan

[15:51] So does the bad guy use any shurikens or katanas?

[15:55] He uses neither.

[15:56] He uses his hands because now he has the power to decay things and rot them just by touching

[16:00] them.

[16:00] Okay.

[16:01] And there's some neat moments with that.

[16:02] There's a funny part that Dan liked where he's driving in a stolen ambulance and he's

[16:09] trying to find food he can eat and the food keeps crumbling to dust in his hands and then

[16:13] he finds a Twinkie and it's okay.

[16:16] Oh, yeah.

[16:17] You did.

[16:17] Get it?

Dan McCoy

[16:17] Look, it's...

[16:18] Get it?

[16:18] Look, I'm not saying it's not a hacky joke.

[16:21] I'm saying that it went by very quickly and it livened up what had at that point become

[16:26] a very dull movie.

Elliott Kalan

[16:27] Okay.

[16:28] Good point.

[16:29] So Blackout saves the day except he's a villain so he kidnaps the kid.

[16:34] He catches that kid as the title says.

[16:37] Then he takes him to another totally different stupid location where the devil is going to

[16:42] hold this ceremony to put his soul inside of the kid just like Ghostbusters 2 basically.

[16:47] Oh, yeah.

[16:48] Blackout is that guy's Stingo.

[16:52] And I can never remember the name of that actor so I was calling by his character in

[16:55] Sophie's Choice.

[16:57] Not a...

[16:58] Wait, wait.

[16:59] He was also in Ally McBeal.

[17:01] Milos or something.

[17:02] Yeah, Milos.

[17:02] That's his character's name but not the actor's name.

Dan McCoy

[17:04] Wait, it's not the same name.

[17:05] I don't know.

[17:06] He's the guy from Dragon Slayer.

[17:08] He was the kid in Dragon Slayer.

Stuart Wellington

[17:09] Was he?

[17:10] Oh, yeah.

[17:10] Wasn't he in Ally McBeal or something?

[17:12] Yeah, I just said he was in Ally McBeal.

[17:13] Oh, wait, you did?

[17:14] Yes.

[17:15] Okay, so his name's Milos.

Elliott Kalan

[17:17] It's not.

[17:18] The character's name is Milos.

[17:19] He's not named that.

[17:20] And he's not Vigo.

[17:21] No.

[17:21] Vigo's a different guy.

[17:22] Vigo lives in a painting.

Dan McCoy

[17:23] Vigo the Carpathian is the bad guy.

Elliott Kalan

[17:25] So that's not the name of the actor.

[17:26] Well, Milos is a bad guy too but he's a henchman.

[17:29] He's the Renfield to Vigo.

Stuart Wellington

[17:31] I mean...

[17:32] Okay, so we've talked about Milos.

Elliott Kalan

[17:34] So that was...

[17:35] And by the way, I just want to say this is a memory blast from the past.

[17:38] That was one of those characters because I saw Ghostbusters 2 in the theaters.

[17:40] I was probably about six or seven.

[17:43] And I was shocked later to find out that that was not that actor's real accent.

[17:48] That he did not have this ridiculous, dripping Eastern European fake accent.

Dan McCoy

[17:52] Well, that reminds me of when I was very young and my brother was telling my...

[18:00] Now my sister-in-law at the time his girlfriend that Harpo Marx was not a mute in real life.

[18:06] And I said, and Chica wasn't Italian.

[18:11] Yes, these brothers, one of them wasn't Italian.

Elliott Kalan

[18:13] It's amazing that these four brothers, one was Jewish, one was Italian, one was a mute elf of some kind, and the other was not funny.

[18:21] Yep.

[18:22] And then, of course, there was Gummo who was not in the movies.

[18:24] But anyway, moving on.

[18:26] So they're at this bullshit ceremony where the devil's going to spit his soul into the boy.

[18:30] Our heroes run in with a bunch of guns that they took from the armory of the monks.

[18:35] They're shooting people up, shooting people down.

[18:37] They run in and turns out they're a little bit overpowered.

[18:42] Blackout and Idris Elba start a fight and the devil is going to kill Nicolas Cage.

[18:47] And then the kid says, I have all the same power that you have, right, dad?

[18:51] And the devil's like, yeah, that's true.

[18:53] And he goes, okay.

[18:54] Why are you bringing up at this exact moment?

[18:55] This seems a strange time to remind me of that.

[18:58] And then the kid vomits fire into Nicolas.

[19:00] And Nicolas Cage goes, do it.

[19:01] The kid vomits fire into his mouth for about an hour.

[19:04] And Nicolas Cage becomes Ghost Rider again.

[19:06] Slays all the bad guys.

[19:08] Yep, they'll turn into ash.

[19:09] But uh-oh, the devil and the kid escape.

[19:12] There's a car chase.

[19:14] Yep.

[19:14] The Ghost Rider is jumping around from car to car.

[19:17] All the cars get crashed.

[19:18] Basically, most of the trailer was cut from that sequence.

[19:20] From the car chase, yeah.

[19:21] Yeah.

[19:22] And also one shot where Ghost Rider is peeing fire, which I was very disappointed to learn

[19:26] was not a real scene.

[19:27] It's just the kid asks him what happens if you have to pee when you're Ghost Rider.

[19:32] Maybe a flashback.

[19:33] It's like a family guy swish pan to like, remember the time you were Ghost Rider and you had to

[19:39] pee?

[19:39] Cut to guy peeing fire all over the place.

[19:42] And then Ghost Rider looks over his shoulder at the camera and nods as if like, yeah, you

[19:46] know it.

[19:47] You love it.

[19:48] I'm peeing fire.

[19:49] I'm doing it.

[19:51] Put him on the glass.

[19:52] Yeah.

[19:52] You probably could have just imagined it, but here it is.

[19:54] Here it is.

[19:55] Ghost Rider does all these things.

[19:57] He finally, he pulls the devil out of a car crash and then.

[20:01] You're really getting into the micro.

[20:02] Whips him up with a chain so hard that he slams him down into hell.

[20:07] Where he turns into fire and dies or something?

[20:10] Pretty much, yeah.

[20:10] The devil apparently can't take the fires of hell.

[20:12] So wait a minute.

Stuart Wellington

[20:13] The devil made, oh, after saying that that was the worst deal he ever made.

[20:16] Yeah.

[20:17] So the devil made Ghost Rider way tougher than himself.

[20:21] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:22] It's just like the old question.

[20:24] The old question, could God ever make a rock so heavy even God couldn't lift it?

[20:28] Because he can't be all powerful if he, if he, if either way.

[20:31] It's like the devil went out of his way to create a minion of hell who is way more powerful than the devil.

[20:39] Bad move, huh?

[20:41] On his part.

[20:41] Yeah, I mean.

[20:42] Because he's dead now.

[20:43] And the kid, and the kid looks like he's dead.

[20:45] But then Ghost Rider, using a power we've never seen before, uses his skeletal hand with blue flame in it.

[20:52] He just touched, caresses the child's cheek and the child gets brought back to life.

[20:55] That makes sense.

[20:56] And the kid goes, did we win?

[20:57] And Nicolas Cage goes, yes.

[20:59] And then it snaps, zooms into his face and he goes, hell yes.

[21:04] And that's the end of the movie.

[21:07] And so the movie gets both sillier and more boring, I feel like, as it goes on.

[21:12] It starts out at a very silly pitch, but a fun pitch.

[21:15] And then it gets kind of dull, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[21:18] So thanks, David Goyer, for that one.

[21:20] I mean, David Goyer didn't direct it.

[21:22] He was probably just, he probably, this was based on one phone call from David Goyer, right?

[21:27] Maybe, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:28] Where he, they said, David, can you name some Ghost Rider villains?

[21:31] And he went, uh, there's Blackout.

[21:33] Good, done, fine, great.

[21:34] Didn't we use Blackout in the last one?

[21:36] No, we used Blackheart.

[21:37] Great.

[21:37] Whatever.

Stuart Wellington

[21:39] We'll just Wikipedia the rest.

[21:41] What was the name of the devil?

[21:41] Really enough, that's very similar to his process when directing Blade 3, or Blade Trinity, as it's called.

Dan McCoy

[21:47] Yeah, here's one thing I gotta say about that super villain.

[21:52] Blade Trinity?

[21:53] No, in this movie.

[21:55] You mean Blackout or Rourke, the devil?

[21:57] The Blackout.

[21:58] Or Blackheart from the first one.

[21:59] The devil.

[22:01] Or Blackjack, which is a thing you hit people with.

[22:04] Uh, the devil sends, like, these, like, normal living henchmen to get this kid.

[22:10] Yeah.

[22:11] And he keeps sending them even after he knows that Ghost Rider's on the case.

[22:15] And then, only after this one henchman dies does the guy, uh, the devil bring him back to life and give him these pestilence powers.

[22:23] Give him monster powers.

[22:24] And it seems like, uh, why didn't you send someone supernatural to, uh, retrieve this package earlier on?

[22:33] Especially, because, I mean, like...

[22:35] I think that's probably, the answer probably involves the production budget.

Elliott Kalan

[22:38] But yeah, it's a good question.

[22:40] Why bother with the middleman?

[22:41] Why not just send the monsters right from the top?

[22:43] Why didn't he just show up and get that kid?

[22:44] Yeah, why...

[22:45] Or catch that kid?

[22:46] But also it shows...

Dan McCoy

[22:47] To coin a phrase.

[22:49] But also it shows what a shitty job Ghost Rider's doing through most of the movie.

[22:53] Well, he's stymied by humans.

[22:54] In that he is stymied by humans.

[22:56] Like, he shows up, he, man, he, like, gets shot at, and, like, he can't be killed by anything.

[23:01] But yet still...

Elliott Kalan

[23:02] Well, the problem is, Ghost Rider is very easily distracted.

[23:05] Yeah.

[23:05] And numerous times, the kid is in his clutches.

[23:08] He could catch that kid right then.

[23:10] But instead, he, like, he, like, locks eyes with one henchman and takes a long time luxuriating and destroying him.

[23:17] Or he gets into that big chainsaw crane and is, like, just laughing his head off, smashing people who don't matter.

[23:23] Set some shit on fire.

[23:24] When he has a chain that he can attack people from a distance, he can breathe fire, he can pee fire.

[23:30] There's no reason...

[23:31] He ate some dude's bullets one time.

[23:33] And then spit them back at him.

[23:35] Yeah.

[23:35] I mean, that's pretty good.

[23:37] Like, he really is a...

[23:40] He doesn't know how to use his power properly.

[23:41] He needs to be trained by a mentor, let's say.

[23:43] Yeah.

[23:43] But also, he's very easily distracted.

[23:45] Like, Ghost Rider should be on Ritalin, probably.

Dan McCoy

[23:48] Or maybe Ghost Rider's, like, the greatest American hero.

[23:51] He, like, lost the Ghost Rider manual, and he just doesn't understand.

Elliott Kalan

[23:55] I think a lot of people would say Ghost Rider is our greatest American hero.

[23:57] And he goes, Ghost Rider George Washington, the greatest American hero at number three.

[24:03] What about that guy who kills all the vampires in that movie?

[24:05] And then Peyton Manning at number four, Peyton Manning.

[24:07] What about that vampire hunting president from all the movies you love?

[24:10] Abraham Lincoln?

[24:11] Yeah.

[24:11] Okay.

[24:11] One, never really hunted vampires.

[24:13] Two, all joking aside, yes, greatest American in history.

[24:17] But let's decide the point.

Dan McCoy

[24:18] Yeah.

[24:18] Allie didn't even want to sully his memory by including him in his joke list.

[24:23] Come on.

[24:24] So...

[24:24] Hasn't Lincoln suffered enough?

[24:26] He was murdered.

Elliott Kalan

[24:28] Let's just say, when you say, as a joke, hasn't Lincoln suffered enough?

[24:31] Let's remember he was killed by being shot in the head while enjoying a play.

Stuart Wellington

[24:35] So at least he was happy when he died.

[24:37] I mean, it was a good play.

Elliott Kalan

[24:38] Oh, and earlier that day, he had taken a carriage ride with Mary Todd, and they'd started planning

[24:42] their life after his presidency.

[24:44] So sad.

[24:44] Surreal tragedy.

[24:46] Thanks for bringing us all down, Dan.

[24:47] Or Stuart?

[24:48] That's your fault.

[24:48] No, thanks for bringing us all down, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[24:50] I think your knowledge of history brought us all down.

Elliott Kalan

[24:52] Yeah, sorry about that.

[24:52] If I could have just said, yeah, his awesome vampire killing abilities and his gun axe.

Stuart Wellington

[24:56] That's what I was trying to set up.

[24:58] All right.

[24:58] I fucked it up.

[24:59] Well, maybe he's number five after Peyton Manning.

[25:00] Sure.

[25:03] So you mentioned when we were watching the movie that Ghost Rider in this movie is basically

[25:07] some kind of a Hulk.

Elliott Kalan

[25:09] Nicolas Cage is constantly struggling to control the ghost and not let it out.

[25:13] And it is a very Hulk thing.

[25:14] Like when he's mad, he starts ghosting and turning into a skull face.

[25:18] Yeah.

[25:18] And it's not...

Stuart Wellington

[25:20] It's almost like I would have preferred somebody more boring to be the hero.

[25:24] And then when he gets like the thing he's trying to fight and hide inside is actually just

[25:30] actor Nicolas Cage.

[25:32] That'd be pretty great.

Elliott Kalan

[25:33] They'd just be called Cage Rider.

[25:35] Yeah.

[25:35] And he just turns into...

[25:36] That would be a pretty fantastic movie.

[25:38] Yeah.

[25:38] If it was like Josh Hartnett and he has to unleash Nicolas Cage.

[25:42] No, no.

[25:42] Josh Hartnett knows how to emote quite a good deal.

[25:45] Well, what if it was Alex Pettifer?

[25:48] But also in the comics, I believe it was that whenever innocent blood is shed, Johnny Blaze

[25:53] or Dan Ketchum, the second Ghost Rider, becomes Ghost Rider.

[25:57] I don't think he could...

[25:58] It was just like when he gets mad or like it's constantly fighting him.

[26:01] I thought it was just when blood is shed.

Stuart Wellington

[26:02] So he doesn't have to drink a lot of water all the time to keep his head from turning into

[26:07] a flaming skull.

[26:08] No, I don't think that's something.

[26:09] Maybe rubbing ice cubes on his head.

Elliott Kalan

[26:11] He doesn't have to wrap his face in asbestos to keep the fire down.

Stuart Wellington

[26:15] He doesn't have to chew like cool mint gum.

Dan McCoy

[26:18] So you're saying that Ghost Rider shouldn't volunteer at a blood drive?

[26:23] Oh, certainly not.

[26:24] It's going to go crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[26:25] I mean, maybe if it's a blood drive held at like a prison or like an evil corporation.

Elliott Kalan

[26:31] Yeah, but I could be wrong.

[26:32] I think that was the original thing, but I could be wrong about that.

[26:35] All right.

[26:36] But same way that whatever knows fear burns at the touch of the man thing.

[26:41] Well, we're talking about man thing now.

[26:43] He's a different character.

[26:45] He's a different character.

Elliott Kalan

[26:45] Who would have been a fantastic character in this.

[26:47] I wish they had brought more Marvel characters into this movie because they're kind of stingy

[26:51] with it.

[26:51] They just have Ghost Rider and Blackout.

[26:53] Oh, yeah, just tease us.

[26:54] And like the devil?

[26:55] Who gives a shit about that guy?

[26:56] Bring all the Midnight Sons in.

[26:57] Morbius, Doctor Strange, Blade, Hannibal King.

[27:00] I guess if you're going to put the devil, why not just make him Mephisto?

Stuart Wellington

[27:03] I thought he was Mephisto in the last movie.

[27:05] That's the thing.

[27:06] Played by Peter Fonda.

[27:07] Yeah.

[27:08] And who was Sam Elliott in the other one?

[27:12] He was just like an old timey.

[27:13] Mustachie.

[27:14] Mustachie.

[27:15] Well, yeah, he had a mustache.

Elliott Kalan

[27:15] Yeah, Mustachie Mustachie.

[27:17] That was his name.

[27:19] He's Italian.

Dan McCoy

[27:20] Hey, it's me.

[27:21] Mustachie Mustachie.

Elliott Kalan

[27:23] How do you like him in mustache?

[27:25] E.

[27:26] And he rides a flaming horse.

[27:28] He has a flaming organ grinder thing.

[27:31] And a flaming monkey.

[27:32] Sure.

[27:32] That collects flaming coins from flaming pastors.

[27:35] He is Italian, right?

[27:36] He is, yep.

[27:37] And he throws a flaming pizza dough in the air.

Stuart Wellington

[27:39] Spicy meatballs at everybody.

[27:42] Have some of my flaming limoncello.

[27:44] He throws a pepperoni slice and he cuts someone's head off.

[27:46] Oh, he just, see, Dan was just in Italy, so he knows Italian stereotypes better than both

[27:51] of us.

[27:51] Yeah, that's true.

Dan McCoy

[27:53] He's wearing flaming, uh, uh, he's wearing flaming loafers without socks on.

[27:59] I don't think you were in Italy.

[28:01] What?

[28:01] That's all you remembered.

[28:04] Um, he has flaming gelato.

Stuart Wellington

[28:08] Strike two.

[28:09] Yeah, I think all of his vacation pictures were taken inside of a Domino's, so.

Elliott Kalan

[28:14] I think he just went to an olive garden.

[28:15] I don't think he went to Italy.

[28:18] Uh.

[28:18] I mean, hospitaliano, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[28:20] You went to the hospital?

[28:21] Oh, my God.

Dan McCoy

[28:24] Yeah, I had to get my flaming mustache treated.

Stuart Wellington

[28:26] Okay, so we've been talking a lot about Ghost Rider.

[28:28] Yeah, kind of.

[28:30] Is it time to talk about it some more?

[28:31] Yeah, I think so.

[28:32] Well, we really haven't said much about the quality of the film.

Elliott Kalan

[28:34] So it was great, clearly.

[28:36] I was very disappointed in this movie.

[28:38] I thought it was going to be way crazier and over-the-top-ish.

Stuart Wellington

[28:41] Yeah, Neville Dean and Taylor gave us the impression from their crank movies, because

[28:45] the guys who made this made the crank movies.

[28:47] Yeah.

[28:47] That they were going to deliver a really crazy Ghost Rider movie.

Elliott Kalan

[28:50] And there's a little bit of that.

[28:52] There's some high craziness, adrenaline moments, but then it gets very slow and very dull.

[28:57] And lasts like that.

[28:59] And it's not a long movie.

[29:00] It's like an hour and 30 minutes.

[29:02] And it feels much longer.

Stuart Wellington

[29:03] I mean, there's a lot of scenes of, uh.

[29:05] A lot of stuff running around in a tourney.

[29:06] It was really boring.

Elliott Kalan

[29:07] Yeah, there's a lot of scenes of people just wandering across landscapes, which may be fine

[29:11] if you're Andrei Tarkovsky.

[29:13] But come on, Neville Dean Taylor.

Dan McCoy

[29:15] There's a lot of scenes of, uh, you know, eyes turning into skull sockets.

[29:21] Yeah, but that gets older after a while.

[29:22] And then, uh, Nick Cage trying to shake that off.

[29:24] Like, I kind of wanted to see Nick Cage.

[29:25] Like, walk it off.

Elliott Kalan

[29:26] Nick Cage is putting the moves on the single mom, and then puts his arm around her, and

[29:31] then looks and sees he has a skeleton hand and goes, whoa!

[29:33] And puts it behind his back.

[29:35] Okay.

[29:35] Is there something wrong?

[29:36] What's the matter?

[29:37] Nothing, nothing.

[29:38] I just go to the, uh, bathroom.

[29:39] I'll be right back.

[29:40] Runs to the bathroom.

[29:40] His head's already on fire.

[29:41] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:42] Come on.

[29:43] Not now.

[29:44] Come on.

[29:45] Yeah, a little more.

[29:46] Ghosty, don't screw me.

[29:48] Maybe.

[29:49] Don't ride block me.

Stuart Wellington

[29:50] Yeah, maybe trying to hide his, uh, his affection for the devil's mom by, uh, I don't know.

[29:57] Because that kid's the devil, right?

[29:58] The kid is the son of the devil.

[29:59] Okay.

[29:59] So trying to hide.

[30:00] Damon Hellstrom.

[30:01] Okay.

[30:01] Trying to hide that kid.

[30:02] So, wait.

[30:03] Here's a question.

Elliott Kalan

[30:05] Just cut him off, Dan.

[30:07] Just cut him off.

Dan McCoy

[30:08] No, I mean, the idea of, uh, being ghost blocked just, uh, brought it up.

[30:12] Like, I know it was a, I know it was a fantasy sequence, but, I mean.

[30:16] Are you talking about Ghostbusters?

[30:17] Well, there's flaming penis of his.

[30:19] Well, he doesn't.

[30:20] Like, the flaming pee, like.

[30:21] I mean, his penis isn't on fire probably.

[30:22] I would do something.

[30:23] No, but there is no penis.

Stuart Wellington

[30:24] I mean, like.

[30:24] Yeah, if he's a skeleton, he has no soft tissue.

Elliott Kalan

[30:27] A boner, Elliot.

[30:28] No.

[30:28] It's got a bone in it.

[30:30] Touche.

[30:30] And probably slightly wormy.

[30:33] I'm guessing that.

[30:34] I'm guessing that.

Dan McCoy

[30:35] There's blood in.

[30:36] Those are basically blood bladders.

[30:38] Is that a bunch of bones?

[30:39] What has my fucking grandma been telling me?

Stuart Wellington

[30:42] Why are you even talking to your grandma about this?

Dan McCoy

[30:44] Well, we were talking about boners.

[30:46] Uh-huh.

[30:47] Okay.

[30:47] Thanksgiving at the Wellington house.

[30:49] Wait a minute.

[30:50] Your explanation just reiterated what you said before.

Elliott Kalan

[30:53] Gather round, children.

[30:54] Gather round, and I'll tell you a story of boners.

[30:57] Of boners of years past.

[30:59] Boners of yesteryear, of yore.

[31:01] King Arthur's boner was a mighty boner.

[31:03] He pulled it out of a stone.

[31:05] Which made him.

[31:06] And he has been transporting me back to my youth.

[31:09] Back to your granny's house.

[31:10] Yeah.

[31:10] The, uh, I think it's just, he just opens his pants and fire is constantly spilling out.

[31:14] And maybe he just shapes his hands into like a, into like a tunnel.

[31:18] So the fire comes out in a pee spray.

Dan McCoy

[31:21] So is the, like, is there fire, is there like a fire bladder inside of him?

[31:26] No, his body is constantly on fire.

[31:28] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[31:29] Fire bladder.

[31:30] Anyway, there was this, there were these moments of stupidity that I wish were greater parts of the movie.

[31:36] And the pee fire is one of them.

[31:37] That like, it's one of those things.

[31:39] Those moments, it's like, look, at heart, Ghost Rider is kind of a stupid concept.

[31:44] It's a really cool visual.

[31:46] It's an awesome visual that doesn't hold up too well when it's walking around and talking and hitting people.

[31:50] So like, let's just have fun with it and do crazy stuff.

[31:54] But as with any movie where there's a prophecy that has to be fulfilled and some like, some ritual has to be performed in the light of the full moon before the dawn breaks or some stuff.

[32:03] It's like, it gets really bogged down and not fun.

Stuart Wellington

[32:06] And part of the problem is similar to the problems with the Hulk is that you have a character who the audience just wants them to be, they're like monster form.

[32:18] Yeah.

[32:18] They don't really care about the nerdy normal guy.

[32:21] Even when it's Nicolas Cage.

[32:22] And when you have a star play the normal guy, it causes a problem, I'm sure, somewhere in the movie making process.

Elliott Kalan

[32:30] You're paying Nick Cage tens of millions of dollars probably.

[32:33] Like, you don't want to have his character be played by a CGI skeleton most of the movie.

[32:37] Like, you want to get your money's worth with Nick Cage.

Stuart Wellington

[32:39] Especially since the skeleton barely talks.

[32:41] You're probably shooting most of the shots in his various castles and Eastern European holdings.

Elliott Kalan

[32:45] I have to assume the castle in the beginning where they have a massacre of monks is his castle that he owns.

Stuart Wellington

[32:50] Including Anthony Stewart head, as Dan.

Dan McCoy

[32:52] Yeah.

[32:53] Giles from Buffy.

[32:54] Anthony Stewart head.

Stuart Wellington

[32:55] And from Repo, the genetic opera.

[32:57] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:58] He shows up at the very beginning of the movie in, like, the prologue.

[33:02] Says about two lines and then gets shot in the head.

[33:06] He's doing good.

[33:06] The Anthony Stewart head, as Stewart said.

Elliott Kalan

[33:09] Nope, it was Elliot.

[33:10] Thanks, Dan.

[33:11] Thanks.

[33:11] Now I know every memory you have of me, you've inserted Stewart in.

[33:14] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[33:14] Just keep attributing Elliot jokes to me.

[33:16] Thanks.

Elliott Kalan

[33:16] I guess you wanted, that's the director's cut, the way you wish those memories had happened.

[33:20] If you had had the technology of the time.

[33:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[33:23] Well, there's a certain dopey Stewart quality to that joke.

[33:26] I guess so.

[33:27] Oh, man.

[33:27] Now it's a bird.

Elliott Kalan

[33:29] But Nicolas Cage at one point owned at least two castles.

[33:33] He had to sell at least one of them for tax purposes.

[33:35] Good grief.

[33:35] You Charlie Brown now?

Dan McCoy

[33:38] I pulled the football out from under Stewart.

[33:40] The football of...

[33:42] No, that's his hemorrhoid pillow, Dan.

[33:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:46] So...

[33:47] That's not a football.

[33:48] Ew.

Dan McCoy

[33:49] Footballs aren't shaped like big fluffy donuts.

[33:53] You can have it back.

[33:54] I guess we should probably...

[33:56] Final judgment, this thing?

[33:57] Do our final judgment.

Stuart Wellington

[33:57] We should probably start from the top and talk about the movie all over again.

[34:00] Okay.

[34:01] Ghost Rider.

Elliott Kalan

[34:01] Spirit of Vengeance.

[34:02] Smash cut.

[34:02] Colon, catch that kid.

[34:04] Smash cut.

[34:05] We're in hell where a young man named Ghost Rider is dreaming of the future.

[34:10] Wait.

[34:10] Aw, I'll never be a spirit of vengeance because I'm not big and strong.

[34:14] Drink your milk, Ghost Rider.

[34:15] Like Nicolas Cage.

[34:15] Yeah, like Nicolas Cage.

[34:17] Then his dad gets killed by a burglar.

[34:20] He gets bitten by a radioactive whatever.

[34:22] Turns into Superman.

[34:23] A radioactive motorcycle.

[34:24] Alfred teaches him that...

[34:26] I like that.

[34:26] Keep that up.

[34:26] ...that he can't do everything, but he thinks he can.

Stuart Wellington

[34:29] And the reason we fall is because we can learn to pick ourselves back up out of hell.

Elliott Kalan

[34:32] Exactly.

[34:33] Bane breaks his back and then turns into...

[34:35] Spoiler alert.

[34:35] And then turns into a guy in a wheelchair with a huge head and a mustache.

[34:40] Then Green Lantern fights Wonder Woman and Superman Returns from space.

[34:49] Then Gremlins show up.

[34:50] Gremlins to the new batch are right behind.

[34:53] Of course, 1492, The Discovery of Paradise.

[34:56] And It Happened Here, directed by Kevin Brownlow.

[34:59] Then, of course, there's Reanimator.

[35:02] Monkey Shines, which leads to Sophie's Choice.

[35:06] Naturally.

[35:06] The Man Who Knew Too Much meets The Man Who Knew Too Little.

[35:09] The Man Who Wasn't There.

[35:11] And then, of course, The Man with Two Faces.

[35:13] Two-Face, Batman Forever, and Forever Plaid.

[35:16] So I think that pretty much covers it, right?

[35:18] Yep.

[35:19] So...

[35:20] Ghost Rider.

[35:21] Catch That Kid.

[35:22] The Man Who Knew.

[35:22] Spirit of Vengeance 2, 3D, up the streets.

Stuart Wellington

[35:26] So yeah, were we missing out?

[35:27] Was this in 3D?

[35:28] Was this Drive-Avry 3D?

[35:29] It was shot in 2D and then post turned into 3D.

[35:32] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[35:32] So it was fakey 3D.

[35:34] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[35:36] We didn't miss too much, then.

[35:37] No.

[35:37] Yeah.

[35:38] So was this a good, bad movie?

[35:40] A bad, bad movie?

[35:41] A movie you kind of liked?

[35:42] Stuart, what do you have to say for yourself?

Stuart Wellington

[35:44] Well, I was really hoping this to be...

[35:46] You piece of shit.

[35:49] I was really hoping not to be talked to that way, first off.

[35:53] I apologize.

[35:54] That was the 70s cop in me.

[35:55] Of course I...

[35:56] Of course I wanted to like this movie.

[35:59] Everybody knows I love Nicolas Cage.

[36:03] But yeah, it was pretty boring.

[36:05] There was a lot of boring shit in it.

[36:07] And it did feel like I was lied to by the trailer in that all the exciting stuff was basically

[36:12] the end of the movie, which ended up not being excited when watched as a movie and not a trailer.

[36:17] And the flame pee was a dream.

[36:18] It was like a fantasy moment.

[36:20] Yeah.

[36:20] Come on.

[36:20] I was expecting that to be like the actual climax.

[36:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:23] Like 30 minutes of the movie should have been about the flame pee.

[36:26] Because...

[36:26] No, no.

[36:26] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[36:26] Like when he had the devil on his knees at the very end.

[36:29] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[36:29] The devil's like, what are you going to do about it?

[36:31] He's like, I'll pee in your face.

Stuart Wellington

[36:32] Awesome.

[36:33] What would be more insulting than to be burned to death by pee?

[36:35] Come on.

[36:36] Yeah.

[36:36] Nothing.

[36:36] Literally nothing.

[36:37] Yeah.

[36:37] Come on.

[36:38] So I'm going to have to say a bad, bad movie.

[36:40] Although...

[36:41] It's Abu Ghrave level embarrassment.

[36:43] I will have to amend this because when I heard that it was in 3D and I didn't see it in 3D,

[36:49] I have to say it was probably a good, good movie in 3D.

[36:52] That makes everything better.

[36:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:54] You did not see it as the director intended.

[36:56] Well, no.

Stuart Wellington

[36:57] You did because it was post-processed into 3D.

[36:59] No, I think...

[36:59] The studio intended me to see it in 3D.

[37:02] So it was probably a good movie.

[37:04] That's true.

[37:04] Yeah.

[37:04] Okay.

[37:05] So your thoughts.

Elliott Kalan

[37:06] I would also call this a bad, bad movie.

[37:07] So you're agreeing with me.

[37:09] Again, except for the good, good part.

[37:11] I also had high hopes that this would be a fun, stupid piece of fun stoop.

[37:15] But instead it turns out to be pretty dull and not a lot of craziness, which is what I was hoping for.

[37:21] So bad, bad.

Dan McCoy

[37:22] Yeah.

[37:23] For a while it was hovering around a movie I kind of liked.

Elliott Kalan

[37:26] The first like 20 minutes were better than the rest of the movie.

[37:29] Yeah.

[37:29] In that it was...

[37:30] The camera was all shaky and Nicolas Cage was being a goof and, you know...

Dan McCoy

[37:33] It just got dull.

[37:34] I liked all the silly stuff, like the green screen, like driving around.

Stuart Wellington

[37:39] And Nicolas Cage making faces like somebody's pinching his genitals.

[37:42] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:42] Which was...

[37:42] I have to assume he was doing that to himself.

[37:44] There's also...

[37:45] Very method, I hear.

[37:46] Very late in the movie.

[37:47] Blackout kind of wins me over a couple times.

[37:49] There's a part where he's dissolving Idris Elba's body.

[37:52] And Idris Elba headbutts him and in such a...

[37:55] So hard that Idris Elba's head bursts into dust and it gets in Blackout's mouth.

[38:00] And Stuart went, that's gross.

[38:01] And then Blackout goes, that's gross.

[38:05] And it was great.

[38:06] That moment was great.

[38:07] So if you can watch this movie with Stuart and have him say that line before Blackout says it then.

Stuart Wellington

[38:10] I'm available on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, guys.

[38:13] I'd rather not leave Brooklyn, specifically Park Slope.

[38:16] So just, I am me.

[38:18] So if you're in the Slope.

[38:19] And Dan, what about you?

Elliott Kalan

[38:21] What about me?

[38:22] Your final judgment.

[38:23] I gave it.

[38:24] What?

[38:24] You asshat.

[38:25] I was busy thinking about the it's gross part.

[38:27] All right.

[38:28] You've been calling me asshat a lot tonight.

[38:29] Not on the show, but beforehand.

[38:31] I should probably take this ass off.

[38:32] He's just trying it out, dude.

[38:34] He's just trying out his new insults.

[38:36] He just got them.

Dan McCoy

[38:37] Yeah, you've got to rotate them.

[38:38] They're like crops.

[38:39] You know?

[38:40] They get a higher yield.

[38:41] Yeah, you don't want the insult soil to get drained of nutrients.

[38:44] And right now I'm in the asshat phase.

Stuart Wellington

[38:47] Dan's looking at his iPad, so that's either celebrity boobs or letters.

[38:51] Or both.

Dan McCoy

[38:51] It was celebrity boobs earlier, but now it's letters.

[38:57] And this letter.

Elliott Kalan

[38:57] Celebrity boobs, I assume you mean the Three Stooges?

[38:59] What a bunch of boobs.

[39:01] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:01] A lot of yucks, though.

[39:04] A lot of yucks.

[39:04] High fives.

[39:04] A lot of yucks.

[39:05] Anyway, letter.

[39:06] This is from Hector, last name withheld.

[39:09] Elizondo.

Elliott Kalan

[39:10] Not Elizandro?

[39:12] No, there's no Elizandro.

Dan McCoy

[39:15] This is a Stuart Wellington approved Flophouse recommendation.

[39:19] Let's hope.

[39:20] Dear Floppers, I want to start by saying that since I discovered your show through AV Club's

[39:25] Podmass feature a while back, the Flophouse has quickly become my favorite podcast.

[39:29] Now I think we should step aside here.

[39:31] I agree.

Stuart Wellington

[39:31] Let's tangentize.

[39:32] Okay, so we're going to Zach Morris time out it.

Elliott Kalan

[39:35] Yep.

[39:36] And then take out our huge cell phones, find a homeless man at the mall, invite him to

[39:41] live at our house, and never see him again.

[39:44] That's how you Zach Morris.

[39:46] But we should mention that.

Dan McCoy

[39:48] Dance craze sweeping the nation.

Elliott Kalan

[39:50] The AV Club was very kind enough to include us again in their regular Podmass feature as

[39:55] in their roundup of the best podcast.

[39:58] I think that was probably a typo.

[40:00] Maybe.

[40:01] But it was.

[40:02] They reviewed our last episode of Mortals, which not one of our most amazing episodes,

[40:08] but it was great to see them give us a positive write-up.

[40:11] We were very glad to have it, and we hope more people discover us as a result.

[40:14] That's right to the point, dude.

[40:15] So thank you very much, AV Club.

[40:16] The real GDP.

[40:16] Yeah.

[40:18] The real point I want to get, this is something I was notified of tonight, before this recording,

[40:22] which is that apparently some hooligan, some blaggard, some dastardly devious D-villain

[40:28] has posted a comment in the threads on that Podmass under my name, and I do not appreciate that.

[40:37] It's probably not your wife.

[40:38] It's not my wife.

[40:38] She doesn't care about this podcast, doesn't pay attention to it.

[40:41] Okay.

[40:42] It wasn't Dan, because Dan was supposed to be.

[40:44] Dan posted under his own name to get into a troll squabble.

[40:49] We call those a flame war in the biz.

[40:52] In what biz?

[40:53] The internet commenting biz?

[40:55] In the internet commenting biz.

[40:56] So that was the real Dan McCoy.

[40:58] The real McCoy, you might call him.

Dan McCoy

[41:00] I thought that since I am a big old gruff, I could get the best of this troll, but I did not.

Stuart Wellington

[41:05] But I didn't post it because I don't, one, know how to post things using my phone.

[41:09] Yes.

[41:10] And I was working.

[41:10] So I'm...

Dan McCoy

[41:11] Yeah, but there's someone in the comments section with the name Elliot Kalin.

[41:15] Not me.

[41:16] Who said, about time.

[41:18] Was it spelled correctly?

[41:19] It was spelled correctly.

[41:20] But that's not...

[41:21] For those people...

[41:21] Who is doing this?

Stuart Wellington

[41:22] He didn't put apostrophe about time or anything.

[41:25] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:25] But that's how I talk.

[41:26] I'm about it.

Dan McCoy

[41:27] And you're saying, like, now if you ever want to comment on anything at the AV Club, you'll have to be posting as the real Elliot Kalin.

[41:34] The real Elliot Kalin.

Stuart Wellington

[41:34] Or Elliot Kalin 69, as I suggested.

[41:37] That it was your suggestion, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:38] But I just...

[41:39] You get one of those verified checks next to you.

Elliott Kalan

[41:40] I just want everyone to know that it was not me commenting.

[41:42] I'm very unhappy about it, but it does mean I'm officially a celebrity who's been cyber-squatted.

[41:46] So if someone wants to add that to my Wikipedia entry, go right ahead.

[41:50] And I want to say to the AV Club, I would never make a comment like that.

[41:54] I was very appreciative that you wrote about us, and I hope you do again in the future.

[41:57] It was very nice of you.

[41:58] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:58] Anyway, so back to the letter.

[41:59] And to that other Elliot Kalin, who are you?

Elliott Kalan

[42:02] Why are you trying to steal my life?

[42:04] Why are you taking his face off?

[42:05] I have a set of skills.

Stuart Wellington

[42:06] Skills that could be very useful in this whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[42:10] So, what with Elliot's ability to recall...

[42:12] Back to the letter.

[42:13] That's when Zach goes time in.

[42:15] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[42:16] Bills has arrived.

[42:17] Mr. Belding is perplexed, but pays for them.

Dan McCoy

[42:20] What with Elliot's...

Elliott Kalan

[42:22] They served them at the fourth prom they've held that week.

Dan McCoy

[42:25] What with Elliot's misspelled ability to recall vast stores of frivolous pop culture factoids.

[42:32] Yep.

[42:32] Saved by the bell.

[42:33] Stewart's raw sex appeal.

[42:35] And Dan's, how do you say, Leonardo-ness, The Flophouse has grown to be my favorite bad

[42:39] movie podcast.

[42:40] And I think it treps the competition.

Elliott Kalan

[42:41] Having said...

[42:42] Thank you very much.

[42:43] I appreciate that.

[42:43] And I hope...

[42:44] I assume when you say, having said that, something more positive is going to come afterwards.

Dan McCoy

[42:49] Having said all this, I noticed that a lot more of the recent films you guys have covered

[42:53] are curiously lacking in the ding-dong mutilation department.

[42:57] Just ridiculous amounts of horror, you know.

Elliott Kalan

[42:59] We just...

[43:00] Immortals just had a guy slamming a huge hammer into another guy's junk.

Dan McCoy

[43:03] That's actually a really good point.

Elliott Kalan

[43:05] But there was a big ding-dong mutilation gap before then, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[43:08] So might I suggest you guys...

[43:10] Suggest a film that will surely make up for that general lack of gore...

[43:13] Antichrist?

[43:14] ...and bad taste by pointing you guys towards an Aussie splatstick film in the mold of one

[43:18] Peter Jackson's and or Sam Raimi's earlier films.

[43:21] I speak of the 1993 gore movie, Body Melt.

[43:26] Hmm.

[43:26] Sounds great.

[43:27] A film written in...

[43:28] It's like a cheese melt?

[43:29] Or a tuna melt?

[43:30] A film written and directed by the former member of an experimental music troupe with an

[43:33] irritatingly unpronounceable name, right arrow, up arrow, right arrow.

[43:39] Those are the symbols.

[43:40] As per Wikipedia's summary of the film, the movie is about the residents of the small town

[43:44] of Pebbles Court, who are the unknowing test subjects for a new variety of Vimeo dietary

[43:50] supplement pills that arrive for free in their mailboxes.

[43:53] The pills are designed to produce the ultimate healthy human but have unexpected side effects,

[43:56] including hallucinations and mutations.

[43:59] Here's just a small list of certain scenes that I hope will whet your appetite.

[44:03] One, a scene in which a man has his ribcage massaged out of his stomach.

[44:08] Two, a scene in which a pregnant woman's unborn baby attempts to kill her by expelling

[44:12] itself from her body and attacking both her and her husband with tendrils.

[44:15] Awesome.

[44:16] And three, of course, a scene in which a couple has the very little deprivation...

[44:20] Definition of killer sex.

[44:22] Hint.

[44:22] It has to do with the dude's ding-dong, which I'm sure Stuart will enjoy.

[44:25] Thanks for that.

[44:27] So that's a recommendation from one Hector, last name withheld.

[44:30] Well, Hector Alessandro, thank you for the recommendations.

Stuart Wellington

[44:34] Body me out.

[44:35] I will watch it.

[44:37] Body me out.

[44:38] Why do you guys say it weird?

[44:41] Yeah, I haven't seen that film, but I'll have to try it.

[44:43] Sounds good.

[44:45] Sounds a little bit like a recommendation I made.

[44:49] No, I can't think of anything.

[44:50] Maybe like Black Roses, the movie where the devil rock man shows up into the small town

[44:56] and turns everybody into demons.

[44:57] That's not the one with the Nazi demons, is it?

[45:00] I don't think they're Nazi demons.

[45:01] That's the one with the really awesome VHS box cover that was like puffy.

[45:06] Oh, I don't know.

[45:07] I think I'm thinking of heavy metal zombies.

[45:08] They have like a puffy cover.

[45:09] That's probably heavy metal zombies.

Elliott Kalan

[45:10] I think it was either called heavy metal zombies or hard rock zombies.

[45:12] Although...

[45:13] And there's a scene...

[45:14] Over the course of a couple scenes, you just see this one demon zombie puppet eat its own face.

Stuart Wellington

[45:19] Although I think the evil rock man at the end of Blood Diner featured a couple of Adolf Hitlers.

[45:27] That sounds about right, yeah.

[45:28] Or Bliner.

Dan McCoy

[45:30] Blood Diner or Bliner.

[45:31] Okay, back to the letters.

[45:32] This one's titled On Cannons, and it's from Matthew, last name withheld for tax purposes.

[45:38] Lesko.

[45:39] Matthew Lesko, then.

[45:40] It says, dearest floppers, recently a friend and I went to see a little movie called Prometheus,

[45:46] which I liked well enough to hope that it doesn't end on the subject of a future episode.

[45:50] I liked it.

[45:51] Yeah.

[45:51] We all enjoyed it.

Elliott Kalan

[45:53] After the movie...

[45:54] A lady commits robo-surgery on herself to pull an octopus baby out of her belly.

[45:58] Come on.

Stuart Wellington

[45:58] And then two awesome aliens fucking get in a fight and have sex.

[46:02] I don't think that that was...

[46:03] I don't know if it's sex.

Elliott Kalan

[46:03] It's a sexual assault.

Elliott Kalan

[46:05] It's consensual.

Stuart Wellington

[46:06] It seemed pretty consensual.

[46:07] That one weird dude was so consensual at all.

Elliott Kalan

[46:10] Dead at the end of it.

[46:11] Talk about killer sex.

[46:13] That's for you, Hector.

[46:14] Continue with the letter.

Dan McCoy

[46:15] After the movie, my friend found an interview where Ridley Scott offered an explanation for

[46:18] one of the mysteries in the movie.

[46:20] I'm sure that's...

[46:21] In the hopes of not spoiling anything, I will say that it involved the possibility of a space

[46:25] Jesus.

[46:26] My friend then said that the interview was the definitive explanation.

[46:30] Thinking that that particular explanation was stupid, and that Scott and company had decided

[46:34] against explicitly including it in the movie, I said it was just a possible explanation,

[46:38] and that only the things found in the movie itself.

[46:40] It could count as official or definitive.

[46:42] We have not been able to come to an agreement, even an agreement to disagreement.

[46:47] So I turn to you, floppers.

[46:48] It's something a creator says in an interview, part of the canon of their work, even if they

[46:52] didn't think it was worthwhile to include it in the actual work.

Elliott Kalan

[46:55] So we're like Judge John Hodgman now?

Dan McCoy

[46:57] Yeah.

[46:58] Is that what we do?

Elliott Kalan

[46:58] We are a couple of Judges John Hodgman right now.

Dan McCoy

[47:00] I want to...

[47:01] Well, first of all, I want to compliment you on not agreeing to disagree, because number

[47:05] one, that's stupid.

[47:06] And number two...

[47:07] Is it the basis of a civil society?

[47:10] No.

Elliott Kalan

[47:10] No.

[47:11] Can I tell you where I come down on this one?

[47:13] Yeah.

[47:14] I come down squarely in favor of the letter writer.

[47:17] You have to go with the text of the film, the content of the film.

[47:20] The creator may say what he wants.

[47:22] Fucking Ridley Scott always, like...

[47:24] Makes up junk.

[47:24] Makes up bullshit about his fucking stupid movies.

[47:26] But unless he's George Lucas, once the film is out in the open, he no longer has control

[47:32] over interpretation.

[47:33] He can say what he meant it to be.

[47:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:34] But if it is George Lucas, of course, everything he does afterwards is great.

[47:39] And should be taken 100% as canon.

Elliott Kalan

[47:41] No, just what I'm saying...

[47:42] And you should...

[47:43] Well, he just has a different relationship with his work, with his output.

[47:46] But it's like Marcel Duchamp said, it takes two to make a work of art, the artist

[47:50] and the spectator.

[47:52] And the spectator is in some ways unequal and in some ways a greater half of that equation.

[47:58] And also that Space Jesus explanation, I know the one you're referring to, is stupid.

[48:01] And it's unnecessary.

[48:02] So there's no reason for it.

Stuart Wellington

[48:03] He doesn't have a beard?

[48:04] There's no dude with a beard?

Dan McCoy

[48:06] No Space Jesus.

[48:07] Thank you.

[48:07] Everyone knows that Space Jesus had a space beard.

Elliott Kalan

[48:09] And the scary thing about that movie, if there is a scary thing, is that we have no idea.

[48:16] Not to spoil it for anyone who still hasn't seen Prometheus a month and a half later,

[48:18] or two months later.

[48:19] But the people who created us hate us and want to destroy us, and we don't know why.

[48:24] Maybe they changed their minds.

[48:26] Maybe we did something to piss them off.

[48:27] Maybe they're just assholes.

[48:28] We don't know.

[48:28] We never will.

[48:29] That's the scary thing.

[48:31] Space assholes.

[48:32] Now that sounds like a Peter Jackson movie.

[48:36] Peter Jackson's Space Assholes.

[48:38] He shot it every Thursday night for five years.

Dan McCoy

[48:44] This letter is titled...

[48:46] Do you guys agree with me on that one?

[48:47] No.

[48:48] Oh, sorry.

[48:48] Yes.

[48:48] I do agree with you.

Stuart Wellington

[48:49] I do agree that that would make an awesome Peter Jackson movie.

Dan McCoy

[48:52] Okay.

[48:52] Although he'll probably turn it into three separate movies.

[48:55] Three separate movies with a lot of dwarf singing.

[48:58] So we hope that answers your question about what would make an awesome Peter Jackson movie.

Stuart Wellington

[49:02] Continuing, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[49:04] Suggestions for Stuart's new sound.

[49:07] Okay.

[49:07] Are we doing that?

[49:09] This is from Dan, last name with help.

[49:11] So McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[49:12] So you wrote us a letter because you want to get your sound on the air.

[49:15] And the sound is...

[49:16] Dan's great!

Elliott Kalan

[49:18] Dan's the best!

[49:20] Not really a sound.

Dan McCoy

[49:21] Humbly submitted, when Elliot's plot summary reaches a mind-shattering twist, e.g. the old woman in the elevator is the devil, then Stuart should exclaim, in a heavy French accent, reminiscent of Lumiere the Candlestick or Alex Proyas, Sacre bleu!

Stuart Wellington

[49:37] Or Idris Elba in this movie.

[49:40] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[49:40] As Marceau.

[49:41] No, Moreau.

[49:42] I think this would ratchet up the drama and give the Flophouse a continental old world flavor, much like ragout.

[49:48] P.S. I imagine that the phrase E.G. prompted Elliot to make an E.G. Marshall joke.

[49:54] Nailed it?

[49:54] In my head, yeah.

[49:55] There you go.

[49:56] I thought about him.

[49:57] I'd be lying if I said I didn't.

Stuart Wellington

[50:00] So Sacre bleu.

[50:01] Yeah.

[50:02] That's how you say it, right?

[50:03] Sacre bleu.

Dan McCoy

[50:05] Sacre bleu.

[50:06] Sacre bleu.

Elliott Kalan

[50:07] Sacre bleu.

[50:08] Which sounds like...

[50:08] That would get us...

[50:09] I think that would get some more French answers.

Dan McCoy

[50:10] Sacre bleu is like a 70s, like, light porn film.

Elliott Kalan

[50:13] I was going to say, it sounds like a character in a shitty, like, neo-noir set in the future.

[50:18] On the case of Sacre bleu.

[50:20] No.

[50:20] Sacre bleu was a dancer.

Dan McCoy

[50:22] See, I'm thinking, like, there's, like, maybe, like, a Swedish girls' soccer team, and it's

[50:26] the...

[50:27] It's about their sexual awakening.

[50:28] And what, they're all Smurfs, and they start...

[50:29] So it's Sacre bleu.

[50:30] So it's like a soft core for Ladybugs.

[50:32] Yeah.

[50:33] Exactly.

[50:34] I'm kind of surprised that doesn't exist.

Elliott Kalan

[50:36] With older actors.

[50:37] I mean, that sounds creepy.

[50:38] What, like, in their 80s?

[50:39] No.

[50:39] Older than Rodney Dangerfield?

[50:41] He was all pretty, pretty old when he made Ladybugs.

[50:44] I'm talking about the kids.

[50:44] They're not...

[50:45] Oh, for God.

[50:46] You want to make a porn about kids?

[50:47] No.

[50:47] Okay.

[50:47] I'm arguing against it.

[50:48] Dan McCoy does not speak for the Flophouse on this one.

[50:53] I remember, when I was...

[50:54] Here's a quick...

[50:54] Another quick story about young Elliot.

[50:56] When I was in fifth grade...

[50:57] You really wanted to be Jonathan Brandes.

[50:59] Well, all my life I wanted to be Jonathan Brandes, until a certain thing happened, so I think

[51:02] we all know what it is, involving suicide.

[51:06] But, uh...

[51:06] So when I was in fifth grade, we were graduating from elementary school.

[51:10] Thanks for taking it lightly.

[51:12] We were graduating from elementary school, so there was a fifth grade yearbook, and they

[51:16] were going to list what the favorite movies of the year were.

[51:18] And there was a big hullabaloo.

[51:20] It was all Terminator 2, right?

[51:21] It should have been, but there were two competing groups.

[51:25] The girls wanted Ladybugs to be it, and there were two guys who were so unhappy about this

[51:30] that they created a voting block in favor of Wayne's World, and they were like, even

[51:34] if you don't like Wayne's World that much, do you really want it to say Ladybugs in your

[51:37] yearbook?

[51:38] And in the end, there was enough of a tie that it said Ladybugs slash Wayne's World.

[51:43] So nobody was happy.

Stuart Wellington

[51:44] Which is, I'm assuming, the unofficial sequel to both films, because they never made a sequel

[51:49] to Wayne's World.

[51:50] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[51:50] But isn't that the sign-

[51:51] It's a crossover sequel.

[51:52] I, of course, voted for Magnificent Ambersons, the original Lost Cut.

Dan McCoy

[51:56] But isn't that a sign of a good compromise, Elliot, when no one's happy?

[51:59] Wrong.

[52:00] Ladybugs Wayne's World.

[52:01] The best compromise possible.

Stuart Wellington

[52:03] Well, the best part is they did it alphabetically instead of-

[52:07] Ranger Roll Ladybugs?

[52:07] The one that had the bigger stars.

[52:09] Yeah.

[52:09] Ronnie Dangerfield.

[52:10] Again, way bigger star.

[52:12] Bigger star than Dana Carvey?

[52:14] Always.

[52:16] What about that movie where Master Disguise, come on.

Elliott Kalan

[52:18] Yeah.

[52:19] He did play a turtle man.

[52:20] Yeah.

[52:21] But did he ever do a cartoon kids movie where he played a dog version of himself?

[52:25] No.

[52:26] Rodney Dangerfield did.

[52:26] It was called Rover Dangerfield.

[52:28] He also rapped.

[52:30] So, there you go.

[52:31] And Rodney Dangerfield-

Dan McCoy

[52:32] He did or the dog did?

[52:34] Both.

Elliott Kalan

[52:35] At the same time.

[52:36] It was a duet.

[52:37] And there was also that animated movie, Rock-a-Doodle, but I don't think that had anything to do

[52:41] with Rodney Dangerfield.

[52:42] It was just like a rock and roll rooster.

[52:43] You're thinking of Rodney Doodle.

Stuart Wellington

[52:45] Rodney Doodle.

[52:47] That was Rock-a-Doodle's fatter, older brother.

[52:50] We didn't get any respect.

[52:51] A little bit more of a party animal, but, you know.

[52:54] Finally made it through college.

[52:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[52:56] So, this is the part of the movie where we recommend-

[52:59] This is a movie?

Elliott Kalan

[53:01] Flophouse the movie finally got made?

Dan McCoy

[53:03] This is a part of the movie of our lives.

[53:05] It's a dog man.

Elliott Kalan

[53:05] With Seth Rogen as Stuart Wellington, David Pamer as Elliot Kalin.

[53:09] All right, guys.

[53:10] And Dan McCoy as himself.

Dan McCoy

[53:12] The movie of our lives has reached the second act, so now we really need to, you know, we

[53:16] need to face-

[53:17] You're going to wrap it up.

[53:18] What?

Elliott Kalan

[53:20] You're going to wrap that shit up.

[53:21] Oh, I thought you said rabbit up.

[53:22] Like, we had to throw a rabbit in the air.

[53:24] I was like, is that a technical term I didn't recognize?

[53:27] Is that a film slang term?

[53:28] Yeah, we use it in the biz.

[53:31] In the dot biz biz?

Dan McCoy

[53:33] So, this is the part of the show-

[53:35] Yeah, what were we talking about?

[53:36] Part of the podcast-

[53:37] Okay.

[53:37] Where we recommend movies that we've seen recently, usually-

[53:42] And liked.

[53:42] Or whatever.

[53:42] That we enjoyed.

[53:44] In contrast-

Stuart Wellington

[53:45] So, we recommend a movie as opposed to just shitting on things.

[53:49] Yeah.

[53:49] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[53:49] To show that we've got some joy in our heart.

[53:52] That we're not just hateful hatevers.

Stuart Wellington

[53:54] Okay, huge.

[53:55] Well, I'm going to recommend a little movie called Space Jail.

[53:58] Starring Guy Pearce.

[54:00] I thought you were going to say Space Jam.

Elliott Kalan

[54:03] It's like, wow, a real twist.

[54:04] I didn't expect you to recommend Space Jam.

[54:06] So, it's not called Space Jail.

Stuart Wellington

[54:08] No, I'm turning it around.

[54:09] It's called Space Jail, I think.

[54:10] It's called Lock Up.

[54:11] Oh, wait.

[54:11] Lock Up?

[54:12] Lock Out.

[54:13] Lock Out?

[54:13] Lock Up would make more sense because space is up.

[54:16] Yeah.

[54:16] Well, it's out.

[54:17] But it's called Lock Out.

[54:17] There is no up in space.

[54:19] Dan just informed me it's called Lock Out.

[54:21] It stars Guy Pearce as a sassy-talking mercenary who has to go in that-

[54:26] He is super sassy.

[54:27] Yeah.

[54:27] The sassiest character ever in a movie ever.

[54:30] Ever?

[54:31] Goes-

[54:32] Yeah.

[54:32] First of all, it's the best movie ever and is the sassiest character ever.

[54:36] So, Elliot, I guess you're going to have to watch it.

[54:38] Yeah, I haven't seen it yet.

[54:39] I don't want to.

[54:40] To refute this comment that I made.

[54:42] So, he goes into outer space.

[54:43] He's got to save the president's daughter, of course.

[54:45] He's got to save Shannon from Lost.

Elliott Kalan

[54:46] Escape from L.A. in space.

Stuart Wellington

[54:49] I guess if you want to minimalize the impact the movie had on my life, then yes.

[54:53] So, he goes up there and then he finds the entire space jail has been taken over by the

[55:01] inmates, of course.

[55:03] Space inmates.

[55:04] It's being run by a pair of space brothers from Scotland, I'm guessing.

Elliott Kalan

[55:08] So, they're just regular brothers.

[55:10] Yeah.

[55:10] They can't be space brothers that they're from Scotland.

[55:12] But once they're in space, they're space brothers.

[55:15] Then everything's with a space pencil, space toothbrush, space pavement.

Stuart Wellington

[55:19] Look, do you want to save time or do you want to be in space?

[55:22] Good point.

[55:22] Continue, Stuart.

[55:23] So, he's in outer space.

[55:25] Guy Pearce, that is.

[55:26] And the jail.

[55:28] And so, he has to save Shannon from Lost, played by TV's Maggie Grace.

Elliott Kalan

[55:32] Are we going scene by scene or what's going on?

[55:35] No.

Stuart Wellington

[55:36] He has to save her.

[55:37] And I'm not going to tell you how it ends, but it's awesome.

[55:40] So, go see Space Jail.

Dan McCoy

[55:43] You probably don't need to go anywhere to see it.

[55:45] I mean, like, you've got to come.

[55:46] I mean, go to your fucking TV.

[55:47] I mean, go to your fucking TV.

[55:47] Right now, like, if you've got Time Warner, for instance, you can pay the six bucks and watch it tonight.

[55:54] It was like four bucks to me.

Stuart Wellington

[55:57] Oh, you probably watched it in HD.

[55:59] Yeah.

[55:59] I didn't.

[56:00] I watched it in regular D as it was intended.

[56:03] Everything Stuart watches is in double D.

[56:06] That's actually true.

[56:07] So, Space Jail.

[56:07] Dan.

[56:08] It's called Lockout.

Dan McCoy

[56:09] I watched, I re-watched, actually, a movie that I saw back in high school but haven't seen since.

[56:16] The Dark Knight Rises.

[56:19] You saw it in high school.

[56:20] I'm aging backwards, like Merlin.

[56:23] What?

[56:24] No, that's how I saw it when I was in high school.

[56:26] Merlin was aging backwards?

[56:27] Yeah.

[56:28] That's how he knew the future, was that he was aging backwards in time.

[56:32] Oh, okay.

[56:32] Interesting.

[56:33] I didn't know that.

[56:34] You sure he wasn't aging backwards?

[56:36] So, a little bit of Arthurian legend for everyone.

[56:39] Yeah.

[56:39] But, what I watched.

[56:41] That's a good porno series name, by the way.

[56:42] Asian backwards.

Elliott Kalan

[56:45] Starring Merlin.

[56:46] I'm not proud of what I did.

[56:48] John Merlin.

[56:50] Camelot had fallen and I was falling on hard times.

[56:52] I needed the money.

[56:54] I was going to regret it.

[56:55] End of chapter one.

[56:56] He's reading his audio book.

[56:58] I watched a movie.

[56:59] It's a short chapter.

[57:01] It's a Dan Brown style book, huh?

[57:03] Chapter the second.

[57:04] I was riding high in the porn world.

[57:07] People were craving my staff and I don't mean in a magic way.

[57:12] And this is chapter two.

[57:14] All of Arthurian legend is chapter one of the book.

[57:18] What other adventures did Merlin have?

[57:20] Anyway, Dan, continue.

Dan McCoy

[57:21] I watched the movie Top Copy, directed by Jules Dassen.

[57:27] Classic heist film.

[57:28] You may know from the film Rafifi.

[57:32] Or he also did Night in the City.

Elliott Kalan

[57:35] Yeah.

[57:35] Which is a fantastic movie.

Dan McCoy

[57:36] Top Copy is also a heist film like Rafifi, but a much more lighthearted one.

[57:40] And it kind of, I mean, like, I guess Ocean's Eleven, the original Ocean's Eleven came before it.

[57:45] But I think that Top Copy kind of kicked off sort of like the light comic heist film as a genre.

Elliott Kalan

[57:52] It's certainly one of the better ones.

[57:54] I personally prefer Gambit, but Top Copy is also good.

Dan McCoy

[57:57] It's a very fun movie.

[57:59] You want to minimize his recommendation on it anymore?

Stuart Wellington

[58:03] Yeah, I apologize.

Dan McCoy

[58:04] It's shot in Turkey.

[58:05] It has some beautiful 1960s style, colorful cinematography.

[58:13] Peter Ustinov won an Oscar for his best supporting actor role in there as a small-time con artist who gets in with a major jewel heist and gets in over his head.

[58:26] But he's very funny and lovable in the movie.

[58:29] And it's just super entertaining.

[58:31] I say watch it if you enjoy things that are enjoyable.

[58:34] And who doesn't?

Elliott Kalan

[58:35] Who doesn't enjoy that?

[58:37] Not me.

[58:38] I'd like, oh boy, I'd like to recommend a movie.

Stuart Wellington

[58:41] There's a new character called Guy Who Doesn't Like Movies.

Elliott Kalan

[58:43] Guy Who Doesn't Enjoy Things.

[58:45] Oh, I hate everything.

[58:47] So Eeyore.

[58:48] So Eeyore, basically, yeah.

[58:49] But he's a guy.

[58:49] He's not a donkey.

[58:50] Yeah, that'd be crazy.

[58:51] What is he, a donkey?

[58:53] Well, that's...

[58:54] I just said he wasn't a donkey.

[58:57] I'd like to recommend a movie.

[58:58] You guys may have seen this.

[59:00] A little movie called Death Dream.

[59:03] It's also known by the name...

[59:04] Is it a Bob Clark movie?

[59:05] Yes.

[59:05] It's also known by the name Dead of Night.

[59:07] And it's directed by Bob Clark, who you know from Christmas Story and Porky's, among other things.

[59:13] Black Christmas.

[59:14] Black Christmas, also.

[59:15] This is one he made before Black Christmas about a family who are overjoyed when their son returns from the Vietnam War,

[59:23] despite the fact that they've already received a telegram telling them that he was killed in action.

[59:28] And, of course, the son is not who he seems.

[59:31] And it's a very kind of well-put-together, well-made, and well-acted, for the most part, low-budget 70s horror film.

[59:38] And the kind of slow build about what's wrong with their son and what he's been doing is really nice.

[59:45] And there's some great makeup effects in it.

[59:48] And it moves pretty fast.

[59:51] And, you know, it's got a lot of 70s clothes in it, but not stupid 70s clothes.

[59:57] Like, not exaggerated, like, 70s costumes, but like, oh, these are the types of clothes people wore in the 70s.

[1:00:01] Okay.

[1:00:02] And a lot of giant medallions.

[1:00:03] Exactly.

[1:00:04] I didn't expect that.

[1:00:05] Not a lot of, like, bell-bottoms and hats with feathers on them and things like that.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:07] It's an unexpected place for your recommendation to go to talk about the 70s clothes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:11] Well, no, but it's one of those, I feel like in low-budget movies, a lot of the times you get a better record of how people lived.

[1:00:17] Right.

[1:00:18] Because they're shooting in real houses, real clothes, so using people who sometimes are just real people that they know.

[1:00:24] So a lot like the Starsky and Hutch movie starring Ben Stiller.

[1:00:27] Yeah, exactly.

[1:00:28] That's what you're saying, right?

[1:00:28] Exactly.

[1:00:29] But anyway, it's a good, nice, tight horror thriller.

[1:00:33] Death Dream, also known as Dead of Night.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:37] So, guys, I guess that's it.

[1:00:40] Yeah, that sounds too sad about it.

[1:00:42] It's always hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

[1:00:46] Yeah, it's been a good one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:47] Why are you so philosophical all of a sudden, Dan?

[1:00:50] Are you aging backwards?

[1:00:51] Or are you Asian backwards?

[1:00:53] We won't judge you.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:55] If only I was Asian backwards.

[1:00:58] Well, there's been another Cage Cast.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:01] Yeah, for the Cage Cast.

[1:01:03] Brought to you by Cages Cages.

[1:01:05] The only Cage is strong enough to withhold Nicholas Cage.

[1:01:07] How does he know?

[1:01:08] Because he designed them.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:09] Let me out of this cage.

[1:01:10] Let me out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:11] Get me out of here.

[1:01:12] I really don't appreciate being locked in this cage.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:16] So thanks to Cages Cages for that sponsorship.

[1:01:18] Our first sponsorship.

[1:01:20] Sure.

[1:01:20] First ever sponsor.

[1:01:22] And for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:25] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:01:27] At night, listen to the moon.

[1:01:29] See what whispers on the wind.

[1:01:31] Listen to the rustle in the trees.

[1:01:34] And stare at a star.

[1:01:35] And maybe you'll hear the name.

[1:01:37] Elliot Kalem.

[1:01:38] Good night.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:38] No!

[1:01:42] Wrong?

[1:01:53] Right?

[1:01:54] Oh my god.

[1:01:55] The bad guy was Jewish?

[1:01:56] Oh, but he sounds like Kevio from Fiddler on the Roof.

[1:01:59] Okay.

[1:01:59] So he was like Watto from Phantom Menace.

[1:02:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:03] He was a Jewish stereotype.

[1:02:05] Danny!

[1:02:06] That's why Bane...

[1:02:07] You wanna make a deal?

[1:02:08] That's why Bane kept going, I won't pay that much.

[1:02:12] Okay, everyone.

[1:02:13] That's when I can get you a neutron bomb for much less than that.

[1:02:15] I am a golem.

[1:02:17] Never that price for a neutron bomb.

[1:02:19] Fear comes later.

The Flop House: Episode #107 - Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Transcript

In this episode

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