The Flop House: Episode #158 - Labor Day

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the movie set on the sexiest holiday, Labor Day.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[0:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] And interested in Stuart Wellington's new way of talking, I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:41] Should I not just keep doing that?

[0:43] Hey, it's up to you, it's a free country.

[0:44] I mean, should I not keep doing that?

[0:46] No, actually don't.

[0:48] It started as Fred Schneider and then it became just kind of like, I don't know, a fat guy in an 80s comedy?

[0:55] Well, I don't know what's happening here.

[0:58] Well, you kids better stop it before I call the police.

Dan McCoy

[1:01] There's a little Jimmy Stewart.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03] We'll shut down this bikini party.

[1:06] Oh, man, Jimmy Stewart hates bikini car washes.

[1:09] Imagine if Jimmy Stewart's career had really gone downhill and he had to do bikini movies.

[1:13] Well, what is that? That girl over there is quite a beautiful piece of tail.

[1:18] Bobby, why don't you ask her?

[1:20] This was advertised as a bikini car wash. They're taking their tops off.

[1:26] I'm not paying for that. This is a service I did not ask for.

[1:31] I got a letter from the bank saying I have to lose my bikini store.

[1:37] I can't pay the mortgage.

[1:39] I'll have to put on some kind of strip show.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46] My uncle left the bikinis so they lost them somewhere.

Dan McCoy

[1:50] Sorry, anyway.

[1:51] What?

[1:51] I'm trying to do a It's a Wonderful Life thing.

[1:54] Oh, I see.

[1:55] Uncle Bill.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55] Where are the bikinis, old man?

[1:57] One of us is going to jail and it's not going to be me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:59] Jimmy Stewart's one of those accents for me that always comes out when I try and do Sean Connery for too long.

[2:05] I found the cure for cancer, but I lost it.

Elliott Kalan

[2:10] So what do we do on this podcast aside from bad impressions?

Dan McCoy

[2:14] This is a rich little podcast.

[2:17] This is a podcast where we talk about bad movies that we just watched.

[2:24] In this case, bad movies in question was a little number called Labor Day.

Elliott Kalan

[2:32] Labor Day.

[2:33] Labor Day.

[2:34] Actually, I think it was probably rated PG.

[2:36] Named after the day every year where America gives up all labor for 24 hours.

Stuart Wellington

[2:43] Or has a baby.

Dan McCoy

[2:45] Wait, what?

[2:46] Really?

[2:46] It should be called No Labor Day.

[2:48] Yeah, thanks.

[2:48] Thanks for that joke that I've seen every day since Labor Day was invented.

[2:54] Wait, every day?

[2:55] Really?

[2:55] You've been around every day since Labor Day?

[2:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:57] Why were they making Labor Day jokes every day?

[3:00] It's not topical.

[3:02] Why are you doing your Christmas material?

Dan McCoy

[3:05] Well, for the first two years after Labor Day was invented, it was the talk of the tongue.

[3:12] It was on the tip of everyone's tongue.

[3:14] And then after that, they just become...

[3:15] Stop doing your vocal ones.

[3:17] Tip of the tongue.

[3:18] Labor.

[3:18] Talk of the tongue.

[3:22] This movie could have been rated R, though, for hardcore pie-ery.

Elliott Kalan

[3:26] Now, yeah, there are a bunch of pie-romaniacs in this, as in romantic pie-makers.

[3:30] Yeah.

[3:31] Now, Dan, Labor Day, is that one of these Gary Marshall holiday comedies like New Year's

[3:36] Eve?

[3:37] Comedy.

[3:37] Or Valentine's Day?

[3:38] Or Arbor Day?

[3:39] Or Cinco de Mayo Day?

[3:41] No.

[3:42] Or Day of the Dead Day?

[3:43] Or Armistice Day?

[3:45] It is, in fact.

[3:46] Boxing Day.

[3:47] The movie story.

[3:48] Liam Neeson.

[3:49] Not Bill Nighy.

[3:50] The science guy.

[3:52] Nighy.

[3:52] I would love to see a movie that is a comedy.

[3:56] Where the idea is that, like, some filmmakers in a small English town made their version of

[4:02] a Gary Marshall multi-paracaracter holiday movie.

[4:05] It's Boxing Day.

[4:06] And it's just whoever they, the meta-ness of the movie is, the story is that they just

[4:10] rounded up whoever they could from around the town.

[4:12] So it's like the green grocer and the ale wife falling in love with each other, and a chimney

[4:16] sweep, and I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[4:18] Camas, the news agent.

[4:19] The news agent, did you say?

[4:21] The agent.

[4:21] Yep.

[4:22] The news agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

[4:23] See, when you said, I would like to see the Boxing Day comedy, I was thinking it would

[4:28] be a couple of washed-up boxers are like, they see a comedy.

[4:31] Yeah, Rudge Match.

[4:32] They're like, oh, Boxing Day.

[4:34] That's something that's observed in Canada.

[4:35] Clearly, we need to go up there, because that's where we're going to be stars again.

[4:40] And they discover it's just a day when the servants got to open their presents.

[4:43] It's just the day that they celebrate Boxing Helena.

[4:46] Yeah.

[4:47] Canada and the U.K.'s favorite movie.

[4:50] Everyone dresses up as a torso.

[4:54] With no legs and arms.

[4:56] And they play Living in a Box all day long.

Elliott Kalan

[5:00] So, Labor Day, it's a comedy, right?

Dan McCoy

[5:03] No.

[5:04] This is Jason Reitman is trying to break out.

[5:07] Funny name, Jason Reitman.

Elliott Kalan

[5:07] I don't like Jason Longman.

[5:09] Oh, man.

[5:10] Wow, you singed him.

[5:11] Boom.

[5:11] He's not getting up soon from that, because I also punched him.

[5:15] Wow.

[5:16] Not really.

[5:17] Anyway, but what is this?

[5:18] You go to jail.

[5:18] So, this was Jason Reitman's attempt at making an adult drama.

Dan McCoy

[5:20] Yeah.

[5:20] We know him usually from such sort of more cynical comedies as your Thank You for Smoking,

[5:29] your Juno, your Up in the Air, your Young Adult.

Elliott Kalan

[5:33] Why are those mine?

[5:33] Why is it my Juno?

[5:35] You own the rights.

[5:36] You are very rich.

[5:38] I don't realize.

[5:39] Apparently, I buy the rights to movies that disappoint me.

[5:41] You don't care for those movies.

[5:42] Yeah.

[5:42] But you figure...

[5:43] Every time I see a movie I don't particularly like, I go, let me...

[5:46] I must buy it.

[5:46] I must own it.

[5:47] And add it to my movie menagerie.

[5:49] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[5:52] Because if you rid the world of all the imperfect movies, only perfect movies will be left.

Elliott Kalan

[5:56] Only perfect movies like Citizen Kane and Phantasm IV, Oblivion.

[6:01] I don't live in that world.

[6:03] I don't know.

[6:03] You don't.

[6:04] It's terrible.

[6:05] Two movies.

[6:07] I thought you were in the world of Phantasm IV.

[6:09] You just rotate it out.

[6:10] Where there's only four people and they're all in a desert all the time because there's

[6:13] no money.

[6:15] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:16] A lot of tuning forks, though.

Stuart Wellington

[6:17] A lot of tuning forks.

[6:19] A lot of babes.

[6:20] But instead of breasts, they have killer spheres.

Elliott Kalan

[6:23] Yeah.

[6:23] And Reggie Bannister is showing his age.

[6:26] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[6:26] Whoa.

[6:27] Take it easy, dude.

Dan McCoy

[6:29] The guy who was already balding and paunchy in the first movie.

[6:34] The most unlikely action hero.

Elliott Kalan

[6:36] That's what I like about him.

[6:37] Yeah, it's so great.

[6:38] Is that in that movie, it's about a kid and his hunky older brother and their friend, the

[6:42] ice cream man.

[6:43] And over the course of the movies, the ice cream man becomes the hero and is involved in all

[6:48] the action scenes.

[6:49] But enough about Oblivion.

[6:50] We didn't watch Oblivion today.

[6:51] We watched Oblivion.

[6:53] We've had fantastic movies.

[6:54] We watched Labor Day.

[6:56] Yeah.

[6:56] Now, Dan, so this was Jason Reitman's attempt to make a serious drama.

[7:00] He's breaking it.

[7:01] Oh, yeah.

[7:01] And let's give him ambition for breaking it out of the box.

[7:04] He could have made unfunny comedies for a while and instead he decided to make an unfunny,

[7:09] boring drama.

Dan McCoy

[7:10] And I want to, you know, a little moment behind, a peek behind the curtain.

[7:14] We actually watched Labor Day.

[7:16] The Jane curtain.

Elliott Kalan

[7:17] Jane, can you move over a little bit?

[7:18] Thanks.

[7:18] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[7:19] Now we can see the fact that we actually watched Labor Day on a screener, an awards screener,

[7:26] that was sent because Elliot and I both being in the industry.

[7:32] We're both in the Writers Guild, so we get the Writers Guild Awards.

[7:35] Yeah.

[7:35] We get the...

[7:36] We get the...

[7:36] Yeah.

[7:37] But, so this was a movie that they thought had real awards.

[7:40] In that we're swimming insider.

[7:41] Potential.

[7:42] This was a movie that they...

[7:43] This was one.

Elliott Kalan

[7:44] It won Kate Winslet Golden Globe.

[7:46] Well, you know.

[7:48] Yeah.

[7:48] You know what I'm saying.

[7:48] As a comedy?

[7:50] You get it.

[7:50] No, for drama.

[7:51] Okay.

[7:51] Yeah, for comedy and musical.

[7:53] So, this is the unlikely tale of a woman who finds love in the unlikeliest place.

[8:00] Flash forward.

[8:00] With Josh Grunel.

[8:02] With...

[8:03] Not flash forward.

[8:04] The movie is set in 1987, although much of the movie feels like it could have taken place

[8:08] in the 50s, 60s, the 40s.

[8:11] What I'm saying...

[8:11] Yes, what I'm saying is, unless the kid is reading a comic book or a magazine...

[8:14] Yeah.

[8:14] They do a...

[8:15] Or you see a movie poster in his bedroom wall, they do a not very good job of...

[8:18] Or a movie marquee.

[8:19] ...having a sense of time.

Dan McCoy

[8:20] Yeah, this could have been Steven Soderbergh's King of the Hill, for all that we know.

Elliott Kalan

[8:23] It's true.

[8:24] It would have been Mike Judge's King of the Hill, for all we know.

[8:26] Sure.

[8:26] But with Boomhauer showing up.

[8:28] No, but you're right.

[8:29] This could...

[8:29] This feels very depression-y.

[8:31] Yeah.

[8:31] Not just because I was depressed watching it, but then the character will take his mom

[8:36] to go see Daryl in the theaters.

Dan McCoy

[8:37] Well, part of it, I guess, is just that the very premise of the movie, which I guess we

[8:40] should state, which is a convict escapes and finds refuge from his house.

[8:46] Let's start from the beginning.

[8:47] And refuse.

[8:48] Let's start from the beginning.

[8:49] No, but my point is, like, this convict escaping and staying in the house and finding romance,

[8:54] like, that feels like a noir, like, set-up, sort of.

[8:59] Yeah, or romance.

Elliott Kalan

[9:00] It feels old.

[9:01] From the past.

[9:02] Yeah.

[9:02] Well, this is the past, Dan.

[9:03] It's 1987.

[9:04] All right.

Dan McCoy

[9:05] Almost 30 years ago.

[9:06] You feel old right now.

[9:07] I do feel very old.

[9:08] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[9:09] Back when Cracked Magazine existed.

Dan McCoy

[9:12] People are still listening to Duran Duran, right, guys?

Stuart Wellington

[9:14] That's still hip.

[9:15] I mean, I don't think they were listening to you in this movie, no.

[9:17] No.

[9:18] This was like fucking Stephen King 1987.

[9:20] Yeah.

[9:20] That's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[9:21] This is a 1987 movie in which you hear no current music from that time, which is a little weird,

[9:26] even when they're in stores and cars.

Dan McCoy

[9:28] And if the movies have taught me anything, in the 80s, people were constantly walking around

[9:32] solving Rubik's Cubes.

[9:33] And I didn't see any Rubik's Cubes in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[9:35] It's like how it's in X-Men Days of Future Past.

[9:38] It's the 70s.

[9:39] And you know that because when Wolverine walks outside, everyone's dressed like a pimp.

[9:42] Everyone.

[9:43] So you got to 80s up the clothes a little bit.

[9:45] So anyway, actually, and that's actually something that I think normally would be a strength in

[9:48] this movie, which is that they don't 80s it out.

[9:51] Yeah.

[9:51] It's not like everyone's dressed like our stereotyped idea of the 80s and listening to like, you

[9:56] know, the bangles and stuff.

[9:58] Yeah.

[9:58] Watching Flashdance.

[9:59] But at the same time, they go too far in the other direction.

[10:01] You're like, when is this?

[10:02] Where?

[10:03] It's maybe they're going for like a classic look.

[10:05] Yeah.

[10:06] Anyway.

[10:06] Timeless.

Stuart Wellington

[10:07] But it makes it a little bit difficult because there's a lot of flashbacks of this movie

[10:10] and you're like, what is going on?

[10:12] Yeah.

[10:13] It's difficult.

Elliott Kalan

[10:13] Is this happening in another town?

[10:15] That's a good point.

[10:15] There's flashbacks to stuff that's happening in the late 60s, early 70s, and you don't

[10:21] know that it's different.

[10:22] You think these, yeah, that it could be just cutting through space rather than time.

[10:26] Sure.

[10:26] Now, let's split the time of the movie.

[10:27] It's 1987, and there's a woman, Adele, played by Kate Winslet, who is a single mom,

[10:32] and she is basically a shut-in.

[10:34] And she lives with her 13-year-old son, Henry, and she doesn't get out much.

[10:40] The dad left the family for his secretary, and so now it's just Henry.

[10:45] The dad played by Clark Gregg.

[10:47] Clark Gregg, best known as Agent Coulson.

[10:49] Agent Coulson.

[10:50] Agent Coulson.

[10:51] The rhyme with the ancient Coulson.

[10:55] I shot an albatross and hung it around my neck.

[10:58] That albatross's name was Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

[11:02] The 13 episodes.

[11:04] I was cursed.

[11:05] I was cursed to be here on ABC.

[11:07] In this boring show.

[11:09] To be the best thing.

[11:12] Clark Gregg, Ian, the rhyme of the ancient Coulson.

[11:16] There we stood.

[11:18] A show moving without any motion.

[11:20] Like a painted ship on a painted ocean.

[11:23] Our hubris was our town vault.

[11:26] In thinking anyone would watch any crap with Marvel's name slapped on it.

[11:31] Anyway, so.

[11:32] We love you, Clark Gregg.

[11:33] I like him a lot, yeah.

[11:34] The point is, they're having trouble, and the son is trying to, like, make his mom happy,

[11:39] and he does this by, in the early movie, he makes a booklet that says,

[11:43] Husband for the Day, and it's coupons for, like, a back rub, and he'll do the dishes,

[11:48] and take her to a movie, but it's really creepy.

[11:50] Yeah.

[11:50] And it's like.

Dan McCoy

[11:51] I mean, the very name of it, Husband for the Day, sounds like a porn.

[11:54] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[11:56] The nicest porn ever.

[12:00] Excuse me, ma'am.

Elliott Kalan

[12:01] Might I be your husband for the Day?

[12:02] Might I go up with all your garbage for the Day?

[12:05] I'm a little too old.

Dan McCoy

[12:05] Well, no, I mean, it's like.

[12:06] It was the name of, like, a Tijuana Bible or something.

Elliott Kalan

[12:09] Of what?

[12:10] Who are the famous characters who are in it?

[12:13] John Dillinger.

[12:14] John Dillinger was the husband for the Day.

Dan McCoy

[12:16] I thought it was going to be Dagwood and Blondie or something.

[12:18] Yeah.

[12:19] It was going to be Popeye.

[12:20] Marlena Dietrich dresses up like a man who has sex with Greta Garbo.

[12:24] Or something.

Elliott Kalan

[12:25] Yeah.

[12:25] It's.

Dan McCoy

[12:27] It's Barney Google and Ingrid Bergman together.

Elliott Kalan

[12:31] Finally.

[12:32] It's one of those Tijuana Bible files.

[12:34] Yeah.

[12:36] It's a mashup.

[12:37] Where Dagwood and Cary Grant double team olive oil.

Stuart Wellington

[12:43] And it was made and now it rests in the collection of some creepy overweight guy.

Elliott Kalan

[12:50] By the way.

[12:51] Who bought it in an estate sale from Pervert.

[12:53] It's canonical, right?

[12:54] Yeah.

[12:55] It's all canon.

[12:55] It's all Cary Grant canon.

Dan McCoy

[12:57] You really have to think.

[12:58] I like to think.

[12:59] And you have to know this is true.

[13:01] Why?

Stuart Wellington

[13:01] Blue knows so bad.

[13:02] There are people.

[13:05] You'll give it up for a movie star and a guy who eats big sandwiches, but not for me.

Elliott Kalan

[13:11] Yeah.

[13:13] That's Popeye was upset.

[13:15] Yeah.

[13:16] You gotta think.

[13:17] Of course, Popeye is doing it with Nancy, so.

[13:19] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[13:20] There are people listening to this podcast who have never heard of what a Tijuana Bible is before.

[13:25] They don't know.

[13:26] And are so baffled.

[13:28] And then they Google it and it makes me so horrified.

Elliott Kalan

[13:31] Anyway.

[13:32] I mean, charming.

[13:33] It's a charm of the horror thing.

[13:34] To see all these 30s and 40s comic strip characters doing it.

[13:39] Like that big Wollywood drawing while the Disney characters are having sex with each other.

[13:43] But anyway.

[13:44] Classic stuff.

[13:44] Look it up.

[13:46] So he's her husband for the day.

[13:48] They go see Daryl on a date.

[13:50] I'm going that far into the movie.

[13:52] But he's.

[13:54] There's so much plot.

[13:55] We'll get through it.

[13:55] It's being narrated by a grown-up son.

[13:59] And Tobey Maguire is doing the voice of the grown-up son narrating.

Stuart Wellington

[14:01] Which is, as we've said before, a bad sign for a movie.

[14:05] When you have somebody telling you the story about what their mother taught them as a child.

Elliott Kalan

[14:09] Yeah.

[14:10] Now, one day they're in a store.

[14:12] And Henry is confronted by a man with a bloody shirt.

[14:16] Played by Josh Brolin.

[14:18] And he says,

[14:19] Hey, can you help me?

[14:20] I need a ride.

[14:21] Your mom will give me a ride in a car, right?

[14:23] And he is.

[14:24] It's weird.

[14:25] It's.

[14:26] The movie is going, I guess, for like, there's just an air of something dangerous about him.

[14:31] But instead, he just comes off as like a really irritating house guest who won't leave.

[14:35] Like he demands a ride home from them.

[14:37] Then he has to stay in their house for a couple hours.

[14:39] Then till nightfall.

[14:40] Then he stays for a couple days.

[14:42] It's more like, it's more like a guy they keep doing favors for than like a scary criminal.

Stuart Wellington

[14:47] And in the early scenes, there's a lot of bass in the soundtrack.

[14:49] So you know there's something suspicious.

[14:51] Right.

Elliott Kalan

[14:51] The music is carrying a heavy load in this movie.

[14:54] Because there's a lot of slow nothing.

[14:56] And a lot of characters just kind of looking at each other and not doing much.

[14:58] Staring up at the sky to where the baseball went.

[15:01] Yeah.

[15:01] Well, that first scene, too.

[15:02] The music really is doing a lot of the work.

Dan McCoy

[15:05] Roland doesn't like ever say explicitly like what the situation.

[15:09] He's not making like explicit threats or anything.

[15:11] Like it's all like he's talking in code the whole time.

[15:14] Yeah, which is.

[15:15] And the soundtrack is telling us what's happening.

Elliott Kalan

[15:17] Well, I mean, it's subtle.

[15:17] And it wouldn't be bad if like the danger unfolded.

[15:21] Like they didn't realize how deep they were getting until it was too late.

[15:25] But instead, the music treats it like fucking Abel Magwitch just jumped at Pip.

[15:28] In a graveyard night.

[15:30] And demanded a saw and some vittles.

[15:33] Or he'd strangle him.

[15:34] And also it seems like.

[15:36] And yet, some great expectations will come from that moment.

[15:39] What larks.

Dan McCoy

[15:40] But it seems like Kate Winslet, though, can hear the soundtrack.

[15:46] Because she is reacting.

Elliott Kalan

[15:47] She's like, that music is scary.

[15:49] This is a bad dude.

[15:51] He should be in the video game Bad Dudes.

[15:53] Saving the president.

[15:54] And not putting his hand on the back of my son's neck.

[15:57] Now, is that the first time a person has ever made reference to Great Expectations and then Bad Dudes?

[16:01] Right afterwards?

[16:03] Maybe.

[16:03] I mean, call Guinness.

[16:04] Look at the archives.

[16:06] Okay, let's do this for most of that reference.

[16:09] Yeah.

[16:09] But yeah, so he goes home.

[16:11] And he escaped from.

[16:13] It turns out he's a convict who escaped from jail.

[16:15] By jumping out of a window, he was hurt somehow.

[16:17] And he's limping.

[16:18] He's got blood on his side.

Dan McCoy

[16:19] Yeah, he pretended he had appendicitis to get out of jail into the hospital.

Elliott Kalan

[16:23] And they, he stays there for a while.

[16:27] And to make a long story short, he and Kate Winslet almost immediately begin falling in love.

[16:32] Start boning down.

[16:33] And this, their love, their romance, their wooing begins when he compliments their home.

[16:38] Then ties her up so that she can sell the place that she was tied up gently.

[16:43] And then feeds her some chili that he made.

[16:45] He makes her some chili and ties her and then teaches her and her son how to make pies.

Dan McCoy

[16:51] Yeah.

[16:51] Well, he is a master chef.

Elliott Kalan

[16:54] He should be on the master chefs.

[16:55] There's literally a scene where he, she picks up a piece of food he made and then her eyes go open as if, you know, she's just seen God through this food.

[17:02] She's tasted God.

[17:03] That food is like, or that food is like, like stimulating her glitter.

[17:09] Wow.

[17:10] I'm sorry.

[17:11] Is this deep throat?

[17:12] Is it in her esophagus?

Dan McCoy

[17:14] I, I, like, there was no way of not going gross, I realized, halfway through my thoughts.

[17:19] So I just went for it.

Elliott Kalan

[17:20] No, but it's true.

[17:21] It's like the, he goes from scary to turning her on almost instantly.

[17:25] And there's a, so, and this movie seesaws back and forth.

[17:29] Yeah.

[17:30] It movie seesaws back and forth between trying to make us tense and trying to show us passion.

[17:34] So there's a scene where J.K. Simmons, as the neighbor who has too many peaches, shows up with a basket.

[17:39] So sexy, this J.K. Simmons.

[17:41] I don't know if that's true.

[17:42] He shows up with a basket of peaches and, uh, Josh Brolin doesn't want anyone to know that he's there.

[17:49] So he, like, threat, he, while the son is talking to J.K. Simmons, he has Kate Winslet in, like, an arm lock, you know, in case he has to use her as a hostage if something happens.

[18:00] And we're supposed to be, it's supposed to be tense.

[18:02] But then immediately she's like, we'll never eat all these peaches in time.

[18:05] And he goes, I've got an idea.

[18:06] And then there's, what, a 40-minute sequence where he shows them how to make a peach pie?

Dan McCoy

[18:10] I mean, it's the most ridiculous thing.

[18:11] Like, first, like, J.K. Simmons shows up and he's like, you know, like, I've got a basket of ripe vagina metaphors.

[18:16] And, like, then they're just, like, all, like, sticking their, like, hands into, like, these moist peaches and, like, massaging them around.

Elliott Kalan

[18:21] And it's supposed to be like a, like, water for chocolate, eat, drink, man, learn type sex and food thing.

[18:27] Or like a, like, a Maria pasta commercial.

[18:29] Yeah, except the son is there also sticking his hands in these peaches.

Stuart Wellington

[18:33] The son is also, yeah.

[18:33] Just, like, getting up into those peaches.

Elliott Kalan

[18:35] Yeah, like, fucking eat to my mom tambien.

[18:37] As if it wasn't already incesty enough that he was her husband for a day.

[18:41] Yeah.

[18:42] The, uh, so it's, anyway, things, they've become.

[18:46] Yeah, 15 minutes later, what's the pie's baked?

[18:48] And meanwhile, they're having these, they're these cut, these, like, very quick flashbacks, like the pawnbroker or something like that,

[18:55] where you just see images and you slowly pick up that Josh Brolin was a soldier who came back from the war and had a baby with his wife,

[19:03] but things didn't work out with his wife.

[19:05] And eventually you learn that she was having an affair and she revealed to him the baby wasn't his.

[19:11] And he got mad and shoved her and, of course, she hit her head on the radiator on the way down and died.

[19:14] And then he ran upstairs and found that his wife had left the bathtub running and their baby drowned.

[19:19] So, I mean, a pretty uplifting tale, right?

[19:21] Yeah.

[19:21] In the middle of this romance passion story.

Stuart Wellington

[19:23] I mean, it feels a little bit like.

[19:25] It's like a Greek tragedy.

[19:26] That they wrote this story, they're like, okay, so he's going to be a murderer.

[19:30] How can we make him a murderer but, like, still kind of a good guy?

Elliott Kalan

[19:34] Well, it's like Con Air where Nicolas Cage goes to jail for defending his pregnant wife.

Stuart Wellington

[19:38] Yeah, in both cases we have, like, a convict Jesus character, basically.

[19:41] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:42] Well, Jesus was a convict.

[19:43] Oh, yeah.

[19:44] Except he got the death penalty.

[19:46] But then he rose.

Dan McCoy

[19:48] Three days later.

[19:49] I've got some pamphlets.

[19:49] No, that's not something I agree.

[19:51] You lost me.

[19:51] Bring me over to my side.

[19:52] You lost me on that part.

[19:53] With the dark side?

[19:55] It's fine if you want to burn in hell, but if you want to, you know, accept the truth

[19:59] of God's love.

[20:00] I don't believe in it.

Elliott Kalan

[20:01] God loves me so much, he's going to throw me to hell.

[20:04] He's going to drag me to hell, if you will.

Stuart Wellington

[20:05] He's going to snap his wrist and throw you down to hell.

[20:08] That's a reference to the movie we watched where he taught, where Josh Brolin teaches

[20:13] the little kid.

[20:14] Because here's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[20:14] Kate Winslet doesn't just fall in love with Josh Brolin for his pie-making prowess and

[20:18] his sexy goatee.

[20:19] Pie-making prowess.

[20:20] It's because he is literally the best husband ever.

[20:23] Yeah.

[20:23] This convict who's been there for a day.

[20:25] He fixes their-

[20:25] On day two, he starts just doing chores.

[20:27] He's like, he fixes their rock wall.

[20:30] He counts all their firewood and tells them they're being shortchanged by the firewood

[20:33] guy.

[20:34] He fixes their car.

[20:35] He teaches Henry how to throw a baseball.

[20:38] He cleans out the gutters.

[20:39] He does-

[20:39] He waxes the floors.

[20:41] He waxes nostalgic for a time that never really existed.

[20:45] They start-

[20:46] And a friend of theirs comes over and forces them to babysit her disabled son.

Dan McCoy

[20:54] You may remember her from Science of the Lambs as a great big fat girl.

Elliott Kalan

[20:59] Well, the person who was supposed to rub lotion on her skin, so she didn't give that

[21:02] She's in other movies, too.

Dan McCoy

[21:04] Yeah.

[21:04] No, but that's her main thing.

Elliott Kalan

[21:05] That's her famous role as lotion girl.

[21:08] As girl who was almost but not made into a dress.

[21:11] Yeah.

[21:11] But the-

[21:13] But even like-

[21:14] Spoiler alert.

[21:15] The convict even loves this kid.

[21:17] Teaches him how to play baseball.

[21:18] Really, this convict is the sweetest of sweethearts.

Stuart Wellington

[21:21] They kneel this kid in and you're like-

[21:23] I think the movie music tries to make you feel like Josh Brolin's totally just going to

[21:27] snap this kid's neck.

Elliott Kalan

[21:30] Every scene, it's supposed to be super tense, like he's dangerous, until he makes someone

[21:35] a meal or teaches them how to do something that cleans their house.

Stuart Wellington

[21:37] He's going to snap this kid's neck and then we're like, whoa, is he going to sleep with

Elliott Kalan

[21:40] this kid?

[21:41] What's that?

[21:41] And then so it's like, but we can't keep falling for the trap that this movie thinks we're going

[21:46] to fall for where it's like, uh-oh, is he finally going to snap this time?

[21:49] Oh, no, he made them s'mores.

[21:51] Like, oh, maybe he's going to strangle the whole family and burn the house down.

[21:55] No, he's reading them a bedtime story.

[21:57] Yeah.

[21:57] Okay, this time.

[21:59] This time he's going to go on a kill spree and murder 40 people and have sex with their

[22:03] bodies.

[22:03] I'm glad they didn't make s'mores, by the way, because that would have been a little too

[22:06] expensive.

[22:06] Like, oh, no, he's setting up an animal shelter.

[22:10] A hotel for dogs.

[22:12] Okay, now, seriously, he's going to rob a bank, but it's going to go bad.

[22:16] He's going to have to shoot a pregnant lady.

[22:18] Oh, no, wait, he's putting together a parcel of canned food for the homeless in Guatemala.

Dan McCoy

[22:24] But the thing about, like, can we talk just a moment about this kid that they babysit, like

[22:28] this disabled kid.

[22:29] It's just a very also off-putting scene because they turn this kid's disability into, like,

[22:34] a suspense thing.

Elliott Kalan

[22:35] Because he sees that when his mom comes to pick him up, the TV is on and they're constantly

[22:40] broadcasting that this convict is on the loose.

[22:43] They show a picture of him and the kid's like...

[22:44] The time was on fire.

[22:46] Yeah, and the disabled kid starts trying to say the name of the...

[22:49] Trying to point out to his mother that Frank, this man that he's met, who is hiding right

[22:53] now, is the criminalist.

[22:54] Who's like, Frank, Frank, Frank.

[22:55] And she says, stop it, stop.

[22:57] And then...

[22:58] Does she punch him?

[23:00] She slaps him.

[23:00] She slaps him really hard.

[23:01] She's like, we'll watch television when you go home.

[23:03] And then she's like, shut up.

[23:04] And so it's this little glimpse of, like, this horrible situation where this abusive mom is

[23:09] hit is just routinely hitting her disabled child.

[23:12] And then they mostly leave the movie.

[23:14] Yeah.

[23:14] But it was like, oh, okay, so the movie was worried we weren't depressed enough.

[23:19] Yeah.

[23:19] Let's add a little bit more...

[23:20] Let's literally wheel in someone to depress you more.

[23:23] Is there a way we could have Lars von Trier guest direct this scene?

[23:26] So, anyway, one thing turns to another then.

Stuart Wellington

[23:31] His soul is escaping his body.

[23:33] Yeah, exactly.

[23:33] I was just thinking that I think it's a little in a little bit of bad taste that they named

[23:38] Josh Brolin's character Frank when he kind of looks like Frankenstein's monster.

Elliott Kalan

[23:44] He does a little bit, I guess, but like a cool, sexy Frankenstein's monster.

Stuart Wellington

[23:47] Yeah, like, I don't know how they made I, Frankenstein, and weren't like Josh Brolin.

[23:51] Are you free?

[23:52] Because you totally still look like...

[23:54] Like for Jay Brols.

[23:54] Come on.

[23:55] Jay Brols.

[23:56] Let's make this happen.

Elliott Kalan

[23:57] I know you're working on Jonah Hex, too.

[24:00] Or, uh...

[24:02] Hexier.

[24:02] Hat-headed hand herders, part two.

[24:05] More hats, fewer hands.

Dan McCoy

[24:07] Man.

[24:07] He's a good actor whose appearance is bad, thanks.

Elliott Kalan

[24:09] Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of bad movies being made, and Josh Brolin is on their speed dial.

[24:13] He's a working actor, you know?

[24:14] Sure.

[24:15] That's true.

[24:16] Would you rather he be starving for his artistic principles, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[24:19] Yeah, you're right.

[24:20] I'm the real monster.

[24:21] You know, you are.

[24:22] Not Frankenstein's monster.

[24:23] Me.

Elliott Kalan

[24:24] No, you are.

[24:25] I mean, the fact that you're a wolfman is part of it.

Dan McCoy

[24:27] Like, I'm just a little hairy.

Elliott Kalan

[24:30] Ever since you were bitten by Wolfman Jack, the DJ.

[24:33] Just for sure.

[24:34] Anyway, one thing turns to another, and Adele and Frank, Kate Winslet, and...

[24:39] I mean, I think it's literally only one thing.

[24:41] Not very much stuff happens.

[24:42] This is a two-hour movie where there's maybe enough material for, like, a 15-minute student

[24:46] short.

[24:47] But they fall in love, and they decide they're going to run away to Canada, where I guess

[24:50] he's going to get...

[24:51] I think they may have misunderstood how it was...

[24:53] To war the convict draft.

[24:55] Yeah.

[24:56] They can't draft me to jail if I'm in Canada.

[25:00] And...

[25:00] We've got no extradition with Canada.

[25:02] I don't think that's true.

[25:03] That's probably...

[25:04] We'll never catch us.

[25:06] We can only get through the border patrols.

[25:07] Actually, the longest unguarded border in the world.

[25:10] The...

[25:10] So, uh...

[25:13] Hold on.

[25:14] Keep going.

[25:15] Okay.

[25:16] I have to yawn.

[25:17] So, but meanwhile, at the same time, Henry starts going out with a girl.

[25:21] And it's the kind of girl that you see in the movies where she's, I guess, manipulative

[25:26] and too...

[25:27] Is wise beyond her years.

[25:28] And by wise, I mean cynical and manipulative.

[25:31] And she basically exists to sow the seeds of doubt in Henry's mind that this Frank character

[25:37] has replaced him in his mother's affections.

Stuart Wellington

[25:40] So, early on, I was a little confused because the movie uses...

[25:44] The movie mixes in these flashbacks to, like, Josh Brolin's past.

[25:48] I think only Josh Brolin's past.

[25:50] Only Josh Brolin's past.

[25:50] But then it also uses very similar methods to show this kid having fantasies of this girl.

[25:57] Yeah.

[25:57] And it's a kind of strange choice for the movie to use the same style.

[26:01] For both its fantasies and its flashbacks.

Elliott Kalan

[26:03] Well, what is memory but a fantasy we tell ourselves was real?

[26:08] I mean, some of it's corroborated by multiple people.

Dan McCoy

[26:12] As some would say that fact and history have a way of merging into fiction and delusion.

Elliott Kalan

[26:19] I believe it was Herodotus who said...

[26:21] No, keep going.

[26:23] That there were big ants in the desert that collected gold and had fur on them.

[26:27] Turned out that wasn't true.

[26:28] That's amazing.

[26:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:30] True story.

[26:30] Why would you leave that part?

[26:31] That's what he said, though.

[26:32] Why would you stop before we were getting to that?

[26:35] Did people ride on the ants?

[26:36] Or were they...

[26:37] No, no.

[26:37] Like, is this their own economy?

Elliott Kalan

[26:39] No, no.

[26:39] They're like the size of, like, a dog.

[26:41] Okay.

[26:42] Was this, like, from nuclear testing?

[26:43] Like, a van?

[26:44] Yeah, it was from ancient Greek nuclear testing.

Stuart Wellington

[26:46] Okay.

[26:47] Was that both the male and the female ants?

[26:49] Or were the females different, like, in China, Mieville's Perdido Street Station?

[26:53] I don't remember.

Elliott Kalan

[26:55] I think, considering these animals never existed, in-depth studies were never done.

[27:00] But anyway, it is strange that the...

[27:02] I guess it's a way of showing interior monologue visually.

[27:06] But frankly, his...

[27:07] The kid's kind of sex flash fantasy was really the only part of the movie I liked because it...

Dan McCoy

[27:14] All right.

[27:14] Be fair.

[27:16] We saw a few fleeting glimpses of some comic book covers from 1987.

[27:20] And an old Cracks magazine.

Elliott Kalan

[27:21] The parts we liked were he goes and looks at a spinner rack of old comics and we're like,

[27:25] Oh, we read those.

[27:26] Although they were all DC books, which is not my wheelhouse.

[27:29] But then there's a part where it just pans across his room.

[27:31] Which is odd because Clark Craig's in the movie.

[27:34] Yeah.

[27:34] It should be Marvel books.

[27:35] But maybe they didn't want to get into the whole new universe thing that was happening around then.

[27:39] You know, suddenly everyone's just thinking about the behind-the-scenes conflicts that were going on at Marvel.

[27:47] And under Phil Shooter's leadership as editor-in-chief.

[27:49] You know, it's a whole can of worms that...

[27:51] Back in the 50s?

[27:52] No, in the 80s.

[27:53] Oh.

[27:54] It's a whole can of worms that Labor Day just doesn't have the time to open up.

[27:57] Yeah.

[27:58] So they had DC books.

[27:59] But like, it pans across this room and you see just the masthead of an issue of Cracked.

[28:05] You don't even see the full cover.

[28:05] All three of us are like, Oh, Cracked!

[28:07] Cracked!

[28:08] What's all of us are up to?

[28:09] We talked about Cracked magazine for about six minutes.

[28:12] But like, his fantasy scene at least shows some...

[28:16] There's like some interesting style and technique there and like a little bit of visual trickery.

[28:21] Does it really get across what it is like for a young boy to fantasize about sex?

[28:25] Not really.

Dan McCoy

[28:26] But...

[28:26] I mean, that would be...

[28:28] You would have to have next rating for the...

Elliott Kalan

[28:31] To really get into the...

[28:32] Not necessarily because a boy his age doesn't really know exactly how sex works.

[28:36] He's just interested in...

[28:37] He's interested in it and wants to do it but doesn't know what it is.

[28:40] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[28:41] Yeah.

[28:42] I mean, at that age, probably just some breasts would do it.

Elliott Kalan

[28:45] But like, there's a shot of...

[28:47] Of an image that he saw earlier, which is the children...

[28:49] Just some breasts.

[28:50] Just random...

[28:51] Just some of your run-of-the-mill...

[28:52] Just some of your run-of-the-mill breasts.

[28:55] Not even special.

[28:57] Not even particularly good ones.

[28:58] Just open a door and there's some breasts behind it.

[29:00] Was heavy metal out at that point?

[29:02] I think so.

[29:03] It's probably one of his favorites.

[29:04] But he saw the girl in front of him in class.

[29:07] You could see through the back of her shirt just the back of her bra strap.

[29:10] I remember as a kid, that was really exciting to catch a glimpse of just the strap of a girl's bra.

[29:15] So that felt real to me in a way that the rest of the movie did not feel real at all.

[29:20] But what are you going to do?

[29:22] It's still not as good as the scene in The Ballad of Cable Hogue where he sees the girl's cleavage and it just keeps flashing in his mind.

[29:29] But anyway.

[29:30] So they want to leave.

[29:32] But he starts worrying, I guess, that they're going to forget about him when they go to Canada together.

[29:39] And at the same time...

Stuart Wellington

[29:41] Those worries are almost immediately dissolved.

Elliott Kalan

[29:44] Yeah.

[29:44] But the mother of the disabled kid comes by and runs into Frank and sees this strange man in the house.

[29:51] Henry leaves a note at Clark Gregg's house saying, like, I'm going to go but I'll be fine.

[29:55] So he gets suspicious.

[29:56] And one of these people...

[29:58] Yeah, we don't know who.

[29:59] We don't know who.

[30:00] Wait, Gene.

Dan McCoy

[30:01] Did you mention the beak?

[30:02] Did we get into the beak?

[30:03] The beak?

[30:04] The beak?

[30:04] James Van Der Beek.

[30:05] No, Van Der Beek.

Elliott Kalan

[30:06] And James Van Der Beek shows up for one scene as a cop who's...

Dan McCoy

[30:08] Well, he's also like a guy who may have gotten suspicious.

[30:11] We don't know.

[30:12] Okay, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:12] So...

[30:13] Yeah, super tense.

[30:14] Yeah.

[30:14] There's a number of suspects who may have called the cops.

[30:17] But the important thing is the cops arrive and Josh Brolin, because he's, of course, a saint,

[30:22] doesn't want them to get in trouble for harboring a few troops.

[30:24] So he ties them up, pretends he kidnaps them.

[30:26] He goes to jail.

[30:27] He gets 10 years for escaping, 15 years for kidnapping.

[30:31] And we flash forward to the future.

[30:35] Oh, I forgot.

[30:36] There's a scene at a bank that I'll tell you about, too.

[30:37] It's really stupid.

[30:38] We flash forward to the future, and we find that the grown-up kid, Tobey Maguire, is

[30:43] now a baker, famous for the pies he makes in the style the convict showed him.

[30:47] So he's an intellectual property thief.

[30:50] Well, he didn't copyright that pie.

[30:52] He didn't say copyright escaped convict.

Dan McCoy

[30:53] By the way, the thing that we joked about during the course of the movie, the idea that

[30:56] this kid would grow up to be a master baker, became true at the end of the film.

Elliott Kalan

[31:00] As opposed to the master baiter he was as a kid.

[31:02] Boom.

[31:03] Boom.

[31:04] You got burned, kid, in the movie.

[31:05] We burned that fictional kid.

[31:06] Yep, he got burned.

[31:08] He got roasted.

[31:09] Yeah.

[31:10] Kid who looks like a young Alan Ruck.

[31:12] Yeah.

[31:12] He looks like the ropey Alan Ruck someday.

[31:15] It's not terrible.

[31:16] No.

[31:16] Good run of Spin City.

[31:17] Cameron in First Bueller.

Dan McCoy

[31:19] Was it a really good episode of Justified?

Elliott Kalan

[31:22] Yeah.

[31:22] A lot of good stuff.

[31:22] What does he do?

[31:23] What does he do?

[31:23] He was the dentist, right?

[31:25] Yeah.

[31:25] What does he do now?

[31:27] I mean, he invented the rucksack, so he's rich.

Dan McCoy

[31:31] Acting is just a sideline.

[31:32] That's his hobby.

[31:33] He invented a lint roller he calls the Ruckin' Roller.

[31:37] Shh.

Elliott Kalan

[31:39] And of course, there's Ruck Rocks.

[31:40] Which are just rocks he found that he'll mail to you for like a hundred bucks.

[31:44] The irony is he can't carry all of his riches in one of his patented rucksacks.

[31:48] Yeah, they're too small.

[31:49] They're too small.

[31:50] Although legend tells of Alan Ruck's original rucksack that it, in fact, was a door to a

[31:55] pocket dimension and had no limits.

[31:57] Anything could be stored in it.

[31:59] And he used it on his many adventures to outwit death and various witches.

Dan McCoy

[32:06] Well, the point is, he's lived an amazing life.

Elliott Kalan

[32:08] Many are the myths and legends of Alan Ruck.

[32:11] From how he won the role of Cameron in a card game with God, to how his years on Spin City were

[32:21] spent while also being the king of the elves.

[32:24] Sure.

[32:26] He was just a stand-in king of the elves for a little bit of time until the elf prince

[32:30] came of age.

[32:31] That elf prince's name?

[32:32] Matthew Broderick.

[32:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:35] He followed his father Oberon to the...

Elliott Kalan

[32:37] His father Oberon Ruck.

[32:42] Oh, Broderick.

[32:43] I get it.

[32:43] Yeah.

[32:44] Oh, yeah.

[32:44] Matthew Broderick.

[32:45] Oh, yeah.

[32:45] They're brothers.

[32:46] You didn't know that?

[32:47] Yeah, Alan Ruck is half elf.

[32:48] He's so tall you would know.

[32:49] Broder means brother of that.

[32:51] Ruck.

[32:53] In the elf in tongue, Broderick, yeah, means brother of Ruck.

[32:58] Ill met by moonlight, Ruck.

[33:01] He is blossom.

[33:03] Meet ye Ruck.

[33:06] Mustard seed.

[33:09] There's that time, of course, when Alan Ruck's head was replaced with that of an ass.

[33:12] Yes, the tales.

[33:15] I can sit for hours.

[33:16] Spitting tales of Alan Ruck and his many quests.

[33:21] The many maidens he bedded and villains he foiled.

[33:25] The gold he found.

[33:28] The bed linens he soiled.

[33:30] The years he toiled.

[33:32] The seas that roiled.

[33:34] The girls he goiled.

[33:37] And of course, and of course, and of course, Agent Coulson.

[33:43] A hardy fellow and a battle mate of Alan Ruck.

[33:49] And side by side, they fought, I guess, like the Red Skull and the King of the Norms.

[33:58] Oh, Alan Ruck.

Dan McCoy

[34:00] I would love if this started an internet meme on the level of the Czech Norse meme.

[34:07] Suddenly, Alan Ruck is a folk hero.

[34:10] He's like a Munchaus.

Elliott Kalan

[34:14] He's a fairytale hero.

[34:16] I heard it was Alan Ruck who killed the big bad wolf.

[34:19] Sure.

[34:20] And freed Little Red Riding Ruck.

Stuart Wellington

[34:23] It was Alan Ruck riding that cannonball.

[34:25] The reason why the moon hides its face most of the time is for the shame that Alan Ruck gave it when betting the wife of the moon came.

Elliott Kalan

[34:33] And that's why the castles and chests are called Rucks.

[34:39] And why a mountain is made up of Little Rucks.

[34:42] They say he bore a child with a bear, Teddy Ruckspin.

[34:49] And so a bear that could speak English as if man or woman roams the earth with his caterpillar friends.

[34:57] The caterpillar is not the child of Alan Ruck.

[35:02] And of course, who can forget Robin Hood's faithful sidekick, Friar Ruck.

[35:09] The name was corrupted over the years into Tuck.

[35:12] As of course was the basis of the book Ruck Everlasting.

[35:17] And, might I say, Ruck Norris.

[35:21] Father of Chuck Norris.

[35:24] He's so tangentially related to the whole movie.

[35:28] In fact, in some counties in Ireland, they still say, good Ruck to you.

[35:37] And, to be surprised, to be surprised, is still to have the Ruck pulled out from under you.

[35:44] For Alan Ruck allowed old men to stand on him when crossing muddy streams.

[35:50] And yet he would roll aside, thrusting the old grandfathers into the mud, as to have a hearty chuckle.

[35:57] Oh, he was a charming rogue.

[36:00] Oh, boy.

[36:01] So what movie are we talking about?

[36:02] Labor Ruck?

[36:04] Yep.

[36:06] Oh, man.

Dan McCoy

[36:06] We're talking about the legend of Ruck-U-Lies.

Elliott Kalan

[36:08] We could talk about Ruck-Tails till the cows came home.

[36:12] Ruck-Tails, a woo-woo.

[36:14] Might solve a mystery.

[36:16] Maybe re-Ruck history.

[36:22] Ruck-U-Lies?

[36:23] The Twelve Labors of Ruck-U-Lies?

[36:25] Yeah.

[36:27] Or is that just Truc-U-Lies?

[36:31] And, of course, Ruck's truck.

[36:33] He drove around in.

[36:35] Oh, boy.

[36:36] Who can forget when a young Robert Crum met him and was inspired to say, keep on Ruckin'.

[36:41] Words out.

[36:44] In the free world.

[36:44] That certainly do sound like other words.

[36:45] Keep on Ruckin' in the free world, indeed.

[36:49] Sure do.

[36:50] So, anyway, long story short, Josh Brolin goes to jail.

[36:53] He sees, years later, he sees a magazine article, I guess, in like Pie Monthly about Tobey Maguire's pie.

[36:59] Yeah, he literally says something like, that, that's, looks like a pie.

[37:02] I saw a pie.

[37:02] I know your pie.

[37:03] Yeah.

[37:04] Hey, I know that pie.

[37:05] He writes in to Tobey Maguire, says, can I see your mom sometime?

[37:08] I bet it belongs to a pie guy.

[37:11] You hear from Super Mario Brothers?

[37:13] A pie guy meets my eye.

[37:15] You know, your pie struck my eye like a big pizza pie.

[37:20] And I thought, I want a moray.

[37:24] With your mom.

[37:25] When an eel something something that's a moray.

[37:27] So we got some old age makeup at the end, right?

[37:29] A tiny bit of old age makeup as Josh Brolin is reunited.

Stuart Wellington

[37:32] Little Eleanor looks like Tobey Maguire.

Elliott Kalan

[37:35] Reunited with Kate Winslet.

[37:36] And it feels so good.

[37:37] As old people.

[37:39] And thus the story comes to its conclusion, eh?

[37:42] And he literally says in his letter, you may remember I spent a Labor Day weekend with you once.

Dan McCoy

[37:48] So we get title.

[37:50] Like the kid is like, oh yeah, I forgot that time a convict came to my house.

Elliott Kalan

[37:54] I wasn't sure which convict you were that came over and my mom fell in love with you.

[37:58] But you know what?

[37:59] It was you.

[38:00] You had a beard, right?

[38:01] Is that you?

[38:02] Tell me about pies?

[38:04] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[38:04] Kind of like a young Tommy Lee Jones.

[38:07] Yeah, there was one idea that came up during the movie was a TV show called The Young Tommy Lee Jones Chronicles.

[38:13] Which would be him mostly, I guess, going to Harvard and becoming a young actor.

Stuart Wellington

[38:18] Yeah.

[38:18] Appearing in the Executioner's Song and The Park Is Mine.

[38:22] Exactly.

[38:24] And that cheerleading movie, right?

[38:26] Man of the House?

[38:28] Manimal?

Elliott Kalan

[38:28] Houseman?

[38:29] Manimal of the Houseman.

[38:31] How's the house money?

[38:33] So that's Labor Day.

[38:35] It's a...

[38:35] It's...

[38:36] And a nut shell.

[38:37] Or a pie shell.

[38:38] I will...

[38:38] In a pie crust.

[38:39] I will say this.

[38:40] I give Jason Reitman credit for trying something different.

[38:43] I take away that credit for him.

[38:45] It's a movie that confuses slowness and quietness with seriousness and emotion.

[38:52] And it confuses characters looking at each other with characters feeling.

Dan McCoy

[38:57] Well, that's...

[38:58] We...

[38:59] Are the final judgment yet?

[39:01] We spun so many tales of Ruck that we probably should use it.

[39:03] Oh, and yet there are so more to behold.

Elliott Kalan

[39:05] A thousand one of Ruckian nights.

Stuart Wellington

[39:06] There's a lot of shots in this movie that kind of remind me of shots from the Tree of Life.

[39:11] Man of Steel.

[39:12] Okay.

[39:13] Where it's like these bullshit...

[39:13] But that's also ripping off Terrence Malick.

[39:16] It's all ripped off Terrence Malick.

[39:17] But it's the idea of like imparting seriousness on bullshit.

[39:21] Yeah.

[39:21] Where it's like Josh Brolin's teaching them to make a pie or some other kind of food.

[39:27] And he'll like pick up a knife.

[39:29] And then he'll slow-mo on the knife while he reaches around Kate Winslet sexually.

Elliott Kalan

[39:33] Yeah.

[39:34] I guess...

[39:35] Yeah.

[39:35] It's like they're trying for Terrence Malick feel.

[39:37] So when Terrence Malick makes movies, they're about kind of humanity's place in the universe.

[39:42] And how people emotionally connect to each other.

[39:45] Whereas this is just about like a prisoner who teaches a family how to make pies.

[39:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[39:49] This guy with a goatee is a bad guy.

[39:51] Or is he not a bad guy?

[39:53] Well, he shaved off his goatee.

[39:54] He's a good guy now.

Elliott Kalan

[39:54] Yeah.

[39:55] Well, that's the thing is...

[39:56] I wish they had made him someone who really had a past who was a shamebrook.

[40:00] Like who had done something bad.

[40:02] It was a bad man.

[40:03] And now it changed.

[40:03] Pushing a woman to death is bad.

[40:05] That's bad.

[40:06] But it is...

[40:06] But they still...

[40:08] They made it so that it was an accident.

[40:09] He pushed her, but he didn't mean to do it.

[40:11] He's not responsible for the...

[40:12] And he's a cuckold, so everybody can identify with that.

[40:15] Exactly.

[40:16] All of us have been cuckold except me.

[40:18] Or ruckled.

[40:19] It was originally called...

[40:20] Because Alan Ruck danced from bed to bed, they said.

[40:24] There was many a village where all the children born in one generation had the telltale eyes

[40:30] of Alan Ruck.

[40:30] The tales of the bean-shaped head.

[40:33] Now that's a...

[40:34] In fact, they would...

[40:36] I was going to make a Ruck you joke.

[40:39] But anyway.

[40:39] Okay.

[40:39] But it's...

[40:40] They...

[40:40] This...

[40:41] I would rather have seen a movie where...

[40:42] No, Mother Rucker.

[40:43] Mother Rucker.

[40:44] Where this man caught a glimpse of the life that he wished he had, but because of his own

[40:48] actions, and he knows this, it is closed off to him.

[40:52] And he thought for a moment he might have a family, but instead he's doomed himself.

[40:55] But instead it was all people caught in circumstance.

[40:58] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[40:59] And basically a Harlequin movie.

Elliott Kalan

[41:01] Yeah.

[41:02] Yeah, well that's what I was...

[41:02] Like I think we can...

Dan McCoy

[41:03] Sexy pie-making convict.

[41:05] We can kind of skip final judgments where we say whether it's a good bad movie, a bad

[41:08] bad movie, or a movie we kind of liked.

[41:09] I think we all feel like it's a bad bad movie.

[41:13] It's not terrible, but what I would say about it is like I'm not sure why, as you say, they

[41:21] took a Harlequin romance and just decided like, oh let's throw a couple A-list actors at

[41:26] this.

[41:26] Because this is just...

[41:27] I mean like the style and the content of it is so much just like...

[41:32] Sort of a bored fantasy of like, I'm kind of a dangerous man comes into this woman's

[41:38] life and fulfills all of her needs, both sexual and chores wise.

[41:43] And chores around the house.

Stuart Wellington

[41:45] Well that's the thing, like even before he shows up, they kind of introduce the characters

[41:48] in the house.

[41:49] And the whole time we're like, oh that needs fixing.

[41:52] Oh he's going to fix that later.

Elliott Kalan

[41:53] Guess they'll take care of that one.

[41:55] There's also a bunch of very ham-handed attempts at suspense, such as when Kate Winslet

[41:59] and her son go to take all their money out of the bank.

[42:02] And everyone at the bank immediately suspects them of something, but they don't know what,

[42:06] until the son breaks the tension by making a joke of their actual plan to run for the

[42:12] border like criminals.

[42:14] Because earlier Josh...

[42:14] Retagal.

[42:15] Earlier...

[42:15] To Liv Moss.

[42:17] Earlier Josh Brolin told him that it's easier to mislead people with the truth.

[42:23] But it's like, the characters have to fake that they're really nervous and the bank teller

[42:29] has to fake that she's really weirded out by what's happening and it's, the suspense is

[42:34] very important.

Stuart Wellington

[42:34] And we're also in a town where everybody is super interested in everybody else.

[42:39] It's a small town.

[42:40] Like, as soon as they're like, hey, shouldn't you be starting school tomorrow?

[42:43] Shouldn't you be starting school in two weeks?

[42:45] Yeah.

[42:46] To have a disappointment on the first day of school?

[42:47] That's insane.

[42:50] Your teeth need to learn.

Elliott Kalan

[42:51] Let's just move along.

[42:53] So, bad, bad.

[42:53] Final judgments.

[42:54] Now, what do we do now, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[42:55] Move along into letters.

[42:56] Letters from listeners.

[42:58] Devoted listeners to the podcast.

[43:00] Sometimes on the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[43:01] Right in.

[43:01] Listeners of the podcast.

[43:03] Send them some letters.

[43:04] Devoted listeners.

[43:06] Not any of you Fairweather fans.

[43:08] Just kidding.

[43:09] Send us some letters, too.

[43:10] Send us those letters.

[43:12] Men and women.

[43:14] Boys and girls.

[43:15] All over the world.

[43:16] Send us your letters.

[43:18] But first, take those letters and put them into words.

[43:21] Then arrange the words into sentences.

[43:24] Don't forget to sign your letters.

[43:26] With your name.

[43:27] Or someone else's.

[43:28] If you're trying to frame them.

[43:31] Frame them with the name.

[43:32] Name them with the frame.

[43:33] There's a lot of things that have been covered in this song.

[43:36] Then we'll frame your letter.

[43:38] Okay.

[43:39] Yeah, we frame every letter we get.

[43:40] Thanks, guys.

[43:41] We use E-frames.

[43:42] The digital frames that you put on emails.

Dan McCoy

[43:44] Yeah.

[43:44] Sure.

[43:45] This podcast sponsored by E-frames.

[43:48] The company that doesn't exist, I think.

[43:49] With a product that doesn't make sense.

[43:52] So, this first letter.

[43:54] Why does he want to frame somebody electronically?

[43:57] Stands for Elliot frames.

[43:59] Like this.

[44:00] Hello, Flophouse.

[44:01] I'm only 12 years old, but I listen to your podcast.

[44:04] That is not appropriate.

[44:05] That's terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[44:07] I am only 12.

[44:08] Mom!

[44:09] Mom, what's a tarp foursome?

Dan McCoy

[44:13] I am only 12, so I don't have a remark about a reference in some episode.

[44:17] Wow, he's really leaning on the fact that he's 12.

[44:19] Yeah, he's 12.

[44:20] Thanks for writing in, though.

[44:21] My favorite flopper is Stuart.

[44:23] Hey, you're the future.

[44:24] Ha!

Elliott Kalan

[44:26] Because he's a totally rad dude.

Dan McCoy

[44:27] But Elliot and Dan have a tie for second.

[44:30] Oh, thanks.

[44:31] Your podcast is excellent.

[44:34] And I will keep on listening.

[44:36] Thank you.

[44:37] Keep on flopping.

[44:38] From Connor, last name with L.

[44:39] Thanks, Connor.

[44:40] That was very nice.

[44:41] Yeah, I do think that maybe your parents should keep a closer eye on what you're listening.

[44:44] On what you listen to?

Elliott Kalan

[44:46] But...

[44:46] Either your parents listen with you or whatever.

[44:48] No, it's cool.

Elliott Kalan

[44:48] And your parents go to sleep.

Dan McCoy

[44:49] No, it's fine.

[44:50] Hot under the covers, listen to a really cool podcast.

[44:53] I watched...

[44:54] It's keeping them off the streets, you know.

[44:55] I watched so many R-rated movies as a kid.

[44:59] As a result of my parents' laissez-faire style of parenting.

[45:04] And look, I turned out okay.

Elliott Kalan

[45:05] Yeah, mostly.

[45:06] I mean, you're kind of a pervisoid, but otherwise...

Dan McCoy

[45:08] No, I am...

[45:09] Who are the number one pervisoid?

[45:11] If you're going to do something, you're a full-out.

Elliott Kalan

[45:14] Your mom is always like, did you hear about my son, the number one pervisoid?

[45:18] Yeah, we saw the mom is too Jewish.

[45:21] Yeah, your mom is now Jewish, too.

[45:23] Yeah, the student says, my son is a pervisoid, is an honors pervisoid.

[45:26] Yeah.

[45:28] My other car is a son.

[45:31] Yeah, but...

[45:32] Yeah, when I was 12, I was listening and watching, too, and reading so many things that were not appropriate.

[45:38] So...

Dan McCoy

[45:38] I thought his car was a chariot.

[45:41] This next letter.

[45:43] During the After Earth discussion, you lamented that there were no quality butt-centric science fiction narratives outside of the porn parody sub-chop.

Stuart Wellington

[45:52] Did we do that?

Dan McCoy

[45:54] I guess we did.

[45:56] Well, I'm here to tell you...

[45:57] This is a dumb podcast.

[45:58] Want to make us all the butt shots of the little kid?

[46:00] Oh, no.

[46:02] It's possible.

[46:03] Well, I'm here to tell you that you are wrong.

[46:05] Robert Hindlin's The Butt is a Harsh Mistress.

[46:09] Hindloins.

Elliott Kalan

[46:11] Robert Hindloins, Stranger to Strange Butt.

[46:13] When I was a young man.

[46:16] Isaac Asimov's Foundation in Butt.

[46:19] Ray Buttbury.

[46:21] Anyway.

[46:22] Arthur C. Cracks, 2001 A Butt Odyssey.

[46:24] The Three Laws of Robotics.

[46:28] One, a butt cannot harm a human.

[46:30] A butt must actually allow a human to come to harm.

[46:32] Two, a butt must do whatever a human tells it unless it conflicts with the first rule.

[46:37] And three, a butt must save it, must preserve its own life unless it conflicts with the first two laws.

[46:41] Three, a butt must be sexy.

Dan McCoy

[46:44] No, he says, when I was a young man.

[46:48] I believed in silly things.

[46:49] In the midst of middle school summer reading shopping, I happened upon a book that would change my life forever.

[46:56] Robotics.

[46:56] The title of this historic tome, you ask?

[46:59] Why it's The Day My Butt Went Psycho.

[47:01] Oh, I know that book.

[47:02] Yeah, I've seen it.

[47:02] A whimsical tale of a young man whose posterior has run amok.

[47:06] Having detached itself from our hero, the titular rump has brought it upon itself.

[47:10] The butt tealer.

[47:11] To lead the revolt of the world's butts.

[47:14] But this is barely scratching the surface.

[47:16] As the foreword of the book puts it, this book is full of disobedient butts, runaway butts,

[47:21] psycho butts, kamikaze butts, exploding butts, cluster butts, nuclear butts, giant unwiped butts,

[47:28] butt rallies, butt catchers, butt fighters, butt hoppers, butt guns, and explosive butt canoes.

Elliott Kalan

[47:34] I fail to see how this is speculative fiction that either predicts where technology is going

[47:38] or comments on our social relationships through the metaphor of a future or other world.

Dan McCoy

[47:43] As a young preteen, this was the funniest piece of literature I had ever read.

[47:47] And even now as an adult, with a preteen sense of humor, I still find a good chuckle from it now and again.

[47:52] I highly recommend it read, if only out of curiosity.

[47:55] Thanks for the laughs, and keep up the good work.

[47:57] Yours are floppage.

[47:58] Nick, the last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[47:59] Thanks, Nick.

[48:00] Thanks, Nick.

[48:00] Again, I don't know if it really fits in the SF genre.

Dan McCoy

[48:03] No, but I appreciate you keeping me up to date on the latest or the oldest in butt news.

[48:10] Sure, old butts are cool too, right?

[48:11] I guess.

[48:13] Me, as long as they're tone.

[48:15] All right.

[48:15] Well, we're getting into a weird area.

[48:16] Yeah, like Jack LaLanne's butt.

[48:18] That man.

[48:20] Va, va, boom.

[48:22] So this next letter.

[48:24] My darling peaches.

[48:26] As I made my way through the flop house.

[48:27] Is this a Civil War letter?

[48:29] Thanks, Mrs. Dalloway.

[48:31] I was delighted.

[48:33] By an offhand comment Elliot made in the Happiest Millionaire episode.

[48:37] He mentioned another 1960s live action Disney film, The Ugly Dachshund.

[48:42] And instructed the floppers to write in if we had seen this classic.

[48:45] I am answering that clarion call.

[48:47] But hell yes, I've seen it.

[48:49] The premise is a hilarious mix-up, which involves the nagging shrew of a wife bringing her dachshund to the vet to have a litter of puppies.

[48:57] The vet is a kindly old dude who takes pity on the oafish put-upon husband by sneaking a Great Dane puppy into the litter.

[49:04] So the man will be stuck with a terrible wife and a house full of ankle biters.

[49:08] We'll have a proper dog of his very own.

[49:10] I'm going to take issue with the terms hilarious and doom used in this litter.

[49:14] At no point does the wife say, wow, look, there's a Great Dane in this litter of dachshunds.

[49:19] Everyone just accepts that this giant dog named Brutus is a dachshund.

[49:22] I haven't our dachshund to have a marmaduke.

[49:25] The Ugly Dachshund has it all.

[49:27] Multiple scenes of canine antics in which the mischievous dachshunds make a huge mess and pit it on poor sweet Brutus.

[49:34] 1960s Disney casual Asian racism.

[49:38] A big dog show finale.

[49:40] Actually, I think that's it.

[49:41] But what else do you need?

[49:42] I mean, there's a scene where an Asian caterer mistakes Brutus the Great Dane for a line,

[49:47] runs around a party screaming,

[49:49] Ryan!

[49:50] And their terrified state destroys a pagoda.

[49:53] This was my favorite movie as a child.

[49:55] A pagoda.

[49:56] A pagoda.

Elliott Kalan

[49:57] A pagoda.

[49:58] A pagoda.

[49:59] The Japanese sitcom star, A pagoda.

Dan McCoy

[50:02] Dan, at this point...

[50:03] I don't even like a veal pagoda.

[50:05] Dan, at this point, I would like to give you an appreciative shout-out for being so steadfast

[50:09] amid all the chaos of your adorable co-hosts.

Elliott Kalan

[50:14] I can only assume...

[50:14] Chaos is when the Orthodox Jews grow.

[50:16] So I don't know if I say chaos.

[50:18] I can only assume Elliot and Stewart...

[50:19] Dr. Chaos from the Planet of the Apes movies.

Dan McCoy

[50:21] I can only assume Elliot and Stewart have interrupted you several times by now.

Elliott Kalan

[50:26] Well, we wouldn't if he said words properly.

[50:29] I've talked so quickly because I'm trying to keep from being interrupted.

[50:33] It's a violent cycle.

[50:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:35] And by now, you have handled it graciously, truly making you the brutest of the Great Dane

[50:40] to Elliot and Stewart's pack of devious dachshunds.

[50:43] Y'all the best.

[50:44] Tessa Lassman with hell.

[50:45] Thanks, Tessa.

[50:45] Thanks for writing in, Tessa.

[50:46] That's...

[50:47] Again, I mean...

[50:50] It's not as advertised as my interest in butts, but I'm also interested in dachshund news.

[50:55] Really?

[50:56] Not really.

Elliott Kalan

[50:57] Because I've only ever heard you talk about butts.

[51:00] I've never heard you talk about dachshunds.

Dan McCoy

[51:01] When it comes to stupid Disney live action films of the 60s, definitely.

[51:05] Oh, sure.

[51:05] Okay.

[51:06] I love that.

Stuart Wellington

[51:07] Okay, so send in that news.

[51:08] Yeah.

[51:09] B-boy.

[51:09] So if you have any...

[51:10] Anything about the nine lives of Thomasina?

Dan McCoy

[51:13] Anything about the million dollar duck?

[51:15] Anything you got there?

[51:18] But moving on.

[51:19] The computer wore dog shoes.

[51:22] Pardon me.

[51:23] I will not.

[51:24] The next letter.

[51:26] You're going to the chair.

[51:27] You will not receive a pardon.

[51:29] It seems inevitable that a Black Friday-centered movie will make it in the near future.

[51:34] Well, the movie Friday.

[51:36] Well, if I...

[51:37] No, no.

[51:37] Okay.

[51:38] Oh.

[51:38] The holiday Black Friday will be made in the near future.

[51:41] My question...

Stuart Wellington

[51:43] Yeah, yeah.

[51:43] The Gary Marshall movie Black Friday about people shopping.

Dan McCoy

[51:47] Oh, oh.

[51:48] I thought it was like...

[51:49] Never mind.

[51:50] I misunderstood.

[51:51] This writer's question is,

[51:53] What will happen first?

[51:54] A Black Friday horror film in the style of The Purge

[51:57] or a wacky Black Friday holiday movie, Christmas with a Crank style,

[52:01] which comes first in how do you cast it?

[52:03] Thanks, dudes.

[52:04] And keep on flopping in the free world into 2014 and beyond.

[52:07] This is old.

[52:09] Dash, last name withheld, former contest winner.

Stuart Wellington

[52:12] I remember Dash.

[52:13] Nice to hear from you again.

[52:15] So, if it's a futuristic sci-fi horror movie,

[52:19] clearly it's like The Running Man.

[52:21] Yeah, yeah.

[52:22] With cool characters like Buzzsaw, Fireball, Dynamo.

[52:27] Buzzball.

Elliott Kalan

[52:28] Firemo.

[52:30] And, of course, Ruckie.

[52:31] Flat top.

[52:33] Fireball.

[52:34] Forever winner.

[52:35] Shoots a lot.

[52:36] The Rucking Man.

[52:37] That's why it's called The Rucking Man,

[52:39] because he was their only winner ever.

[52:41] Yeah.

[52:42] I think it would be a comedy,

[52:44] because you have all these different storylines,

[52:46] and they're all going to the same store to get the same item.

Dan McCoy

[52:48] Well, I mean, the movie's clearly going to be sponsored by Walmart.

[52:50] Some kind of an L.O. style.

[52:52] It's going to be an internship situation,

[52:55] like where Google's behind it.

Elliott Kalan

[52:56] Yeah, unless it's like a found footage horror movie

[52:58] about people being stampeded to death

[53:00] as other people try to get $10 DVD players.

[53:03] We need $10 to watch a DVD.

[53:08] It's amazing.

[53:08] It's a good deal.

Dan McCoy

[53:09] It's a good deal.

[53:10] I mean, even...

[53:11] I mean, that's a digital, versatile disc.

[53:13] It's so versatile.

[53:14] It's so digital.

[53:15] You can use it as a Frisbee.

[53:17] You can put your file on it.

Stuart Wellington

[53:19] It's very versatile.

[53:20] You can break it.

[53:20] I can answer the question as,

[53:22] what are the chapter titles for Point Break?

[53:27] Finally.

Elliott Kalan

[53:28] So, but who would you cast in it?

[53:31] Your regulars.

[53:31] Your Hector Alessandro,

[53:32] your Ashton Kutchme.

[53:35] Your Ben Grimsby.

[53:37] It'll be the Walmart.

[53:38] Your Jennifer Garmineers.

[53:40] And of course, Owl Magical in a small role.

[53:43] Your CD for him.

[53:44] Your Bradlin Whoopsie.

Stuart Wellington

[53:49] I don't even know who that.

[53:50] Jessica Alberts.

[53:54] Your Shirlene McCrains.

[53:56] Your Willie Talsaults.

[53:57] Look at this.

[53:59] Winston Legbaugh.

[54:02] Yeah, of course.

[54:04] Your Susan Saran Wraps.

Dan McCoy

[54:10] Speaking of Fracked Magazine.

Elliott Kalan

[54:14] Your Hanky Berries.

[54:15] Yeah.

[54:16] And of course, your Alan Rucks.

Dan McCoy

[54:18] But we have a really, really short last letter before we move on to our final session.

[54:24] Hey guys, I ate mushrooms one weekend for the first time.

[54:29] Okay.

[54:29] And somehow ended up listening to your show for the first time as well.

[54:33] I hope that's inappropriate.

[54:34] A long, slow, weird story short.

[54:37] I ended up listening to like half of your catalog that night.

[54:40] But the reason I'm emailing is because it didn't stop there.

[54:44] For the next two weeks, every movie I watched was narrated by the Flop House.

[54:48] It was awesome.

[54:49] I don't only feel like I know you guys, but that there's a psychedelic bond.

[54:54] Especially with Elliot.

[54:55] Dude, you rock.

[54:56] Travis, last name is Elliot.

[54:57] Thanks, Travis.

[54:58] It's really nice.

[54:59] The least likely one of us to do mushrooms is the one that...

Elliott Kalan

[55:02] I already do not trust my perception of reality.

[55:04] I am not going to make it any weirder.

[55:06] Sure, yeah.

[55:07] The number of times I think there's a thing behind me, only to turn around and find there's nothing there.

[55:12] I don't want to make that more.

Dan McCoy

[55:13] You're saying that you always feel like somebody's watching you.

Elliott Kalan

[55:16] Yeah, exactly.

[55:17] Or like I'm the hero of the Iron Maiden, so I'm Fear of the Dark.

Dan McCoy

[55:22] But, you know, if anyone else has any...

Elliott Kalan

[55:24] That's easy hero, right?

[55:25] Yeah, yeah, he's the good guy.

[55:26] He conquers over the dark.

[55:28] Yeah, he's the white hat.

Dan McCoy

[55:29] I feel like if anyone else has any Flop House related drug elucidations, I would love to hear it.

[55:34] Sure, yeah.

[55:36] But now...

[55:37] Other than us.

[55:38] We need to move on to the final segment where we recommend...

[55:42] Final segment.

[55:43] Blast of the Night.

[55:44] This segment is final.

Elliott Kalan

[55:46] Finishing.

[55:47] Flawless victory.

[55:48] Babality.

Stuart Wellington

[55:49] Wow, I did it right away.

[55:51] Friendship.

Elliott Kalan

[55:52] These are bits that we haven't heard in a while.

[55:54] Radar is playing at...

[55:56] Rawr!

[55:58] Aska!

[55:59] Uh-oh!

Dan McCoy

[56:01] So...

[56:01] R-O-C-K in the USA, et cetera.

[56:03] So, anyway...

[56:04] Is this the last episode, Dan?

[56:06] It could be.

[56:08] If we're all hit by a bus tomorrow.

[56:09] So, movies that we want to recommend, that we enjoyed, I'll kick it off.

[56:15] This is when we recommend movies we didn't dislike.

[56:17] Yeah.

[56:18] Or to put it another way, movies we liked.

[56:21] Okay.

[56:21] When I was...

[56:22] Young.

[56:23] Life was so wonderful.

[56:25] When I was on vacation...

[56:27] I flew on a plane during that vacation.

[56:29] I guess what he watched on the plane.

Elliott Kalan

[56:31] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[56:32] When I was in a hotel in London, I turned on the television.

Elliott Kalan

[56:35] They call it Telly there.

Dan McCoy

[56:36] And...

[56:36] After Telly Savalas, the inventor of the television.

[56:39] What did my...

[56:40] I'm wondering eyes did appear, but the crazies remake.

[56:45] Oh.

[56:46] And I want to recommend...

[56:47] Josh, do my mouth.

[56:48] No.

[56:49] Timothy Oliphant presented, but...

[56:50] Timothy's elephant.

[56:52] I want to recommend, actually, both versions of the crazies.

[56:56] Both versions of the crazies.

[56:57] I think that the first...

[56:58] That's crazy.

[56:59] The first version of the crazies, now...

[57:00] Which stars my friend Natalie's dad.

[57:02] Really?

[57:03] Yeah.

[57:04] If you don't know the crazies, it's basically George Romero remaking his zombie movie, but

[57:09] it's a movie about, like, an evil, like a military agent, like an Agent Orange style...

[57:19] Like an Agent Coulson.

[57:20] That he's improperly disposed in this small town.

[57:24] Like a...

[57:25] Like Return of the Living Dead.

[57:26] And guess what people go?

[57:28] They go crazy.

[57:29] Yeah.

[57:30] And they start killing each other.

[57:31] And it's an interesting movie in a couple ways.

[57:34] I feel like Night of the Living Dead, the original...

[57:38] There's a lot of talk about...

[57:40] George Romero talks about how he didn't really intend, necessarily, for it to be making a big societal point.

[57:46] Yeah.

[57:47] It was just the fact that there was colorblind casting of the main role, that it took on this

[57:50] extra element.

[57:52] But the crazies...

[57:53] He intended to just be the follow-up to his hit film, Romero and Juliet.

Elliott Kalan

[57:57] Right.

Dan McCoy

[57:57] Well, the crazies seems to be much more explicit taking on of the Vietnam War through a horror

[58:04] movie.

[58:05] So, it's interesting in that it's Romero reacting to his previous film in that way.

[58:10] But it also...

[58:11] I was thinking about it.

[58:13] Like, the crazies was Romero...

[58:15] Like, Romero started the whole modern zombie film.

[58:19] Mm-hmm.

[58:19] Like, he birthed that.

[58:21] But he also, with the crazies...

[58:22] Romero's head, like Zeus.

[58:23] Mm-hmm.

[58:24] Mm-hmm.

[58:25] He anticipated where the zombie film eventually would go with this idea of, like...

[58:31] ...ombies as something that's created by, like, this virulent agent, this, like, some sort

[58:39] of disease.

[58:40] Some umbrella core.

[58:41] Yeah.

[58:42] I mean, like, he basically invented the revisionist zombie movie himself later on.

[58:47] Which is kind of an interesting thing to think about.

[58:50] And it's not as good as Night of the Women Dead, but it's a lot of fun if you like a George

[58:55] Romero horror movie.

[58:56] And the remake is a surprisingly good modern horror movie.

Elliott Kalan

[59:01] But it does not have my friend Natalie's dad.

[59:03] It does not.

[59:03] It does not have Will McMillan in it.

[59:05] But it does have Josh Duhamel.

Dan McCoy

[59:07] No, it's got Timothy Oliphant.

[59:09] Timothy Oliphant?

Stuart Wellington

[59:09] He's like the crazy version of Josh Duhamel.

[59:12] He's the rich man's version of Josh Duhamel.

[59:15] Which is ironic, because Josh Duhamel played a character named Danny McCoy.

[59:20] I don't think that's ironic.

[59:22] I don't understand the irony there.

[59:24] On a popular TBS rerun show, Las Vegas.

Dan McCoy

[59:28] Anyway, the point is, I pretty much like Timothy Oliphant in anything.

[59:31] Guy's a good actor.

[59:32] He is.

[59:33] He's handsome.

[59:33] Very charming.

[59:34] I like him a lot.

[59:34] So, see, who was an edge?

[59:36] Liking him is justified.

[59:37] Liking him is justified.

[59:39] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[59:39] So, those are my recommendations.

[59:41] And also, Deadwood.

[59:42] Both the old and new versions.

[59:43] He's not Deadwood.

[59:45] I'll have to see the new one.

[59:46] I like the old one, but I haven't seen it.

Stuart Wellington

[59:49] So, what do you guys got?

[59:50] Who wants to go?

[59:51] Stuart, do you want to go first?

[59:52] Sure, I'll go.

[59:53] I'm going to recommend a movie I don't think you guys have recommended yet.

[59:56] And it's a movie that, by the time you're listening to this, will probably be out in theaters,

[1:00:00] which is too bad, because it was really good.

[1:00:02] I'm going to recommend Edge of Tomorrow, a movie that there's been a number of think pieces

[1:00:06] and a lot of positive reviews on the internet.

[1:00:09] A lot of stink pieces.

[1:00:10] There's not a lot I can say other than...

[1:00:11] Racky Magazine.

[1:00:12] If you haven't seen it yet, you should really give it a shot.

[1:00:15] The marketing campaign was not particularly great.

[1:00:18] It was particularly terrible.

[1:00:20] Yeah, I'm looking at a poster right now that says the tagline for Edge of Tomorrow is

[1:00:24] Live on the Edge.

[1:00:26] They did their best...

[1:00:26] It's like, are you selling Mountain Dew or some kind of pizza-flavored snack?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:32] They did their best for this ad campaign to make it appear as generic and oblivion-y as possible.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:38] And I feel like at this point...

[1:00:40] And not Phantasm IV Oblivion.

[1:00:41] No, it was great.

[1:00:42] I would totally go see that.

[1:00:43] That's part of the thing is that I feel like at this point, a lot of movies, even though

[1:00:48] Tom Cruise is great in it, and he's great in a number of movies, a lot of times people

[1:00:52] don't want to see Tom Cruise because of Tom Cruise the person.

[1:00:56] But that forgets the fact that he's a very talented movie star.

[1:01:00] Exactly.

[1:01:01] And he uses his movie stardom in a way to kind of play...

[1:01:04] In this movie, he's funny...

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:07] He knows his persona on screen so well now, and he can use it as a tool to do the performances

[1:01:13] in an interesting way.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:15] And Emily Blunt is amazing.

[1:01:16] She's amazing.

[1:01:18] So, totally, don't go see Lucy.

[1:01:20] Go see this.

[1:01:22] I mean, don't go see Lucy.

[1:01:23] Don't go see Lucy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:24] Lucy continues to pass on the myth that people only use 10% of their brains.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:28] You use 10% of your, I don't know, money in your pocket.

[1:01:32] I kind of want to see Lucy, though.

[1:01:34] Well, you can do that, but you've already seen Edge of Tomorrow.

[1:01:37] So...

[1:01:37] I've seen Lucy.

[1:01:39] So I could a hall pass for that?

[1:01:40] Yeah.

[1:01:40] You could a hall pass.

[1:01:42] You don't come back stinking to Lucy.

[1:01:44] Okay.

[1:01:45] You better wash that shit off first.

[1:01:47] Lucy is basically just...

[1:01:48] You're just...

[1:01:48] You're burritos on yourself.

[1:01:49] So I'm just...

[1:01:50] That's a reference to the...

[1:01:52] The dirt.

[1:01:53] The Molly Crew.

[1:01:54] Yeah.

[1:01:54] That's the story.

[1:01:55] Yeah.

[1:01:56] Nice.

[1:01:57] Burritos.

[1:01:58] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:59] I love the idea that there was nothing less extreme than fucking a burrito that was

[1:02:06] going to take the owner of another woman's...

[1:02:10] Other women's pieces.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:12] Yeah.

[1:02:13] Bits and pieces.

[1:02:14] Because what?

[1:02:15] Is it even blown up?

[1:02:17] Were they having sex in a battlefield in the world?

Dan McCoy

[1:02:20] I feel like I was a little too gynecological earlier in the podcast.

[1:02:24] Oh, it's too late.

[1:02:25] The 12-year-old is hurt at all.

[1:02:26] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:28] Elliot.

[1:02:28] I'd like to recommend two movies, but real quick.

[1:02:30] Whoa.

[1:02:31] One is a big budget movie that's in the theaters now.

[1:02:34] It's called Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.

[1:02:36] And it is the second of the new Planet of the Apes movies.

[1:02:38] And I thought it was really great.

[1:02:39] If anything, I liked it a little bit more than the last Planet of the Apes movie.

[1:02:42] Which I also thought was really good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:43] So you'd say, wake up to this dawn of the Planet of the Apes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:46] I would.

[1:02:47] I would.

[1:02:47] I would say there's a scene where an ape on horseback wielding a machine gun jumps

[1:02:53] through a wall of fire.

[1:02:54] And it was at that point I realized this is why movies were invented.

[1:02:57] That image justifies the entire history of film and all the billions upon billions of dollars

[1:03:02] that have been poured into this art form.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:04] It's like the image your mind created when watching 2001 and the ape is standing in front

[1:03:08] of that obelisk, right?

[1:03:09] And holding the bone.

[1:03:11] I mean, that's a great image, too.

[1:03:12] Some day that bone's going to be a machine gun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:13] I was like, this needs a machine gun, a horse, and some fucking fire.

[1:03:17] And the other movie I'd like to recommend...

[1:03:19] We'll talk Kubrick.

[1:03:21] ...is I'm a big fan of Steve Coogan's show, I'm Alan Partridge, and the Alan Partridge

[1:03:26] character girl.

[1:03:26] But did you watch the Alan Partridge?

[1:03:27] I also watched it.

[1:03:27] And I just recently watched, finally, the movie, Alan Partridge, Alpha Papa, which came

[1:03:32] out last year, I guess.

[1:03:33] Or I think in the U.S.

[1:03:34] In the U.S.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:34] In the U.S. it's just called Alan Partridge.

[1:03:37] On Netflix, it's listed as Alan Partridge, Alpha Papa, which is the U.K. title.

[1:03:40] It's not a good title.

[1:03:41] But I found it to be really funny, and it's not the most amazing movie, but considering

[1:03:49] it's the only comedy that's new that I've seen in a while where I was consistently laughing,

[1:03:53] and a lot of that is just because Steve Coogan is so funny in that character, and he has a

[1:03:58] lot of great lines, and they don't go too big with the story.

[1:04:02] It's not Alan Partridge solving a murder mystery.

[1:04:06] It's not him on a big adventure.

[1:04:07] His bag doesn't get mixed up with a spy's bag, and he's on the run.

[1:04:10] It's a pretty small-scale story, but done with a lot of humor and a little bit of heart.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:17] I read a review where they, you know, I think it might have been over at the Dissolve, but

[1:04:22] they made a good point where they're just saying that it's an interesting movie, too, because

[1:04:27] they're putting a character who is resolutely self-interested in a position where he has to

[1:04:33] be at least a little bit of a hero.

[1:04:34] So that makes for a good comedic conflict.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:38] But he is...

[1:04:38] He's still a big...

[1:04:39] The Avengers are constantly getting in the way of doing anything heroic.

[1:04:42] He's still an asshole.

[1:04:43] Yeah.

[1:04:43] And hey, who's that?

[1:04:44] Miles O'Brien from Star Trek The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine.

[1:04:48] Is he in it?

[1:04:48] Yes, he is.

[1:04:48] Wait, is that Odo?

[1:04:50] No.

[1:04:50] No, Miles O'Brien is the character.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:53] Calm me.

[1:04:54] Real quick, I'm going to jump in, and I want to make a second recommendation.

[1:04:58] Wow.

[1:04:58] That's allowed, right?

[1:04:59] Unpressive.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:00] This is...

[1:05:01] There's nothing in the rule book that says he can't.

[1:05:03] I just want to...

[1:05:04] Wait, no, here it is.

[1:05:05] Real quick.

[1:05:06] No, a little allowed.

[1:05:07] See you guys later.

[1:05:08] There's nothing in the rule book that says a dog can't recommend a movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:11] I want to recommend...

[1:05:12] Stuart, are you a dog?

[1:05:13] I want to recommend what I would consider to be a great bad movie.

[1:05:17] A movie that is the type of movie that I wish every time we sit down for movies.

[1:05:22] Flophouse podcast.

[1:05:23] Keeping your heart.

[1:05:23] Yeah.

[1:05:24] You're dreaming.

[1:05:25] Last weekend, I participated in a Flophouse Facebook group watch where members of the group

[1:05:31] are on the Facebook page, watch a movie, and we watched Double Dragon, which is amazing.

[1:05:37] Okay.

[1:05:37] So if you haven't seen Double Dragon, it's on Netflix.

[1:05:40] Watch it.

[1:05:41] It is amazing.

[1:05:42] Robert Patrick is insane.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:44] I stopped by Stuart's apartment when he was finishing watching this.

[1:05:47] That's right.

[1:05:47] We hang out in real life.

[1:05:48] Jealous.

[1:05:49] And it's pretty crazy.

[1:05:52] So, yeah.

[1:05:53] If you want to see...

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:54] And if you haven't joined our Facebook group, it's fine.

[1:05:57] If you want to see some of the zaniest...

[1:05:58] Unless you're a fucking sex bot.

[1:06:00] Yeah.

[1:06:00] Take that Ray-Ban business somewhere else.

[1:06:01] Wait, wait, wait.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:02] If you're a sex pot, feel free to join.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:04] That's why I don't think Ray-Ban sponsors us, is because they're too busy setting sex

[1:06:08] pots to infiltrate us for free.

[1:06:10] Also, you know...

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:11] Sex bots have feelings, too.

[1:06:12] If you're not nice, maybe don't join.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:15] But I feel like when it was smaller, it was easier to keep out people who were maybe harassing

[1:06:21] people.

[1:06:22] Wow.

[1:06:22] Has that been a problem lately?

[1:06:24] You know.

[1:06:26] As the group grows larger, it grows more like the internet at large.

[1:06:31] Let's see.

[1:06:31] Well...

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:31] If you're going to harass anybody, harass me.

[1:06:34] Yeah.

[1:06:34] Stuart can take it.

[1:06:35] As Kurt Vonnegut once said, be nice on the Flophouse Facebook page.

[1:06:39] Mm-hmm.

[1:06:41] But those are your...

[1:06:42] Those are your cat's cradle, right?

[1:06:43] Yeah, yeah.

[1:06:44] And the silver spoon, little bug glue, et cetera.

[1:06:46] Great.

[1:06:46] When you're coming home, Stuart.

[1:06:48] I don't know when.

[1:06:49] Cut it out.

[1:06:49] We'll get together, then, Stuart.

[1:06:50] Great recommendations.

[1:06:51] Ugly Kid Joe.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:52] Yeah.

[1:06:53] But now we need to...

[1:06:54] Last Ugly Kid Joe song.

[1:06:56] We need to sign off...

[1:06:57] Let's wrap it up.

[1:06:58] ...so we can gather around Elliot's feet and listen to more Tales of Ruck.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:02] Oh, yes, children, gather ye round, gather ye round.

[1:07:06] For now the story of how Ruck deceived the Baba Yaga and won the rights to the chicken leg house.

[1:07:13] And...

[1:07:14] And turned it into condos.

[1:07:15] And won the rights to the movie Boat Trip.

[1:07:21] Only to lose them in an arm wrestling match with a giant.

[1:07:24] But before we...

[1:07:26] The moral of the story is, Ruck happens.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:28] We'll take that story off air.

[1:07:31] In the meantime, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:07:34] I've been Stuart.

[1:07:36] Well in town.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:37] And I will continue to be Elliot Kalin as long as I can help it.

[1:07:42] Good night, everyone.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:47] What's your drinking there again?

[1:07:48] What?

[1:07:48] The lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue.

[1:07:51] Hamburgers.

[1:07:53] All in a bag.

[1:07:55] Wait, that's your vocal warm-up?

[1:07:57] Yeah.

[1:07:58] I gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

[1:08:03] Glorpmlush.

[1:08:06] Glug glug.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:07] Is that your mad magazine?

[1:08:09] This is my Tom Martin vocal warm-ups.

[1:08:13] Shpoing.

[1:08:14] Shpo-prong.

[1:08:15] Ponebone.

[1:08:17] K-spoing.

[1:08:19] Shalop.

The Flop House: Episode #158 - Labor Day

Transcript

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