Ep. #294 - Love on a Leash

[0:00] on this episode we discuss love on a leash this romantic comedy is for the

[0:06] dogs now I wish I had said this movie is a real catastrophe

[0:30] hey everyone and welcome to the flop house I'm Dan McCoy oh hey there it's me

[0:49] Stuart Wellington and it's me Elliot Kalin Dan you sound a little sick what's

[0:53] got you down what's got me down those are two different questions but I mean I

[0:59] guess what's got me down sorry I didn't mean to throw you a curveball so early

[1:03] in the show I apologize I talked to you the way I would talk to another human

[1:08] being when I instead of should have talked to the way I talked to a robot so

[1:11] okay run dot exe diagnostic why you sick you sick why slash and wait why am I

[1:19] sick well some sort of bacteria or virus again sorry let me do this again okay

[1:27] maybe down but his temperature is up run dot exe Dan diagnostic program sick you

[1:36] sick why slash and question mark yeah I'm sick I right before I don't know if

[1:44] you guys have this experience like I can feel myself getting sick like right

[1:47] before the weekend like it just came upon me like okay well Elvis could Elvis

[1:52] could feel his temperature rising yeah yeah so yeah it's been a slightly

[1:57] miserable weekend as I've been dealing with this my throat hurts yeah then the

[2:01] like the camera move it movements and editing gets kind of jittery and fast

[2:05] and you like rush into your your bathroom and you're like knocking

[2:09] bottles of pills off of the sink and you're trying to hurriedly open up a

[2:13] package of emergency yeah that's right I did try like all of the things that are

[2:20] supposed to shorten the length of a you know of a cold like zinc and some sort

[2:25] of I don't know crazy like bullshit like that doesn't probably do anything

[2:31] but it seems to be working I can only imagine months down the road when

[2:37] listeners have been listening to episodes and they're like this was the

[2:40] start of Dan's 10-month sickness it is true that once I made light of it it is

[2:47] true that once I get a cough it does not go away so it just adds to your

[2:52] pre-existing cough yes like a Chris Claremont X-Men plotline it just

[2:58] continues in very short bursts for years I appreciate despite the ribbing you

[3:03] gave me I appreciate the concern over my health

[3:06] I just want to explain it to the audience no no but I want you to feel

[3:10] better also because I care about you anyway enough about Dan who cares about

[3:13] him what do we do on this podcast Dan now this is a podcast we watch a bad

[3:17] movie and we talk about it we are still in the throes of September small

[3:21] timber small timber small timber okay where we watch smaller movies that

[3:28] people may not have heard about this is this is our opportunity as giants among

[3:35] the influencer industry to punch down at smaller movies yeah we're punching so

[3:40] far down we might as well just kick because we're gonna lose our balance if

[3:43] we keep trying to punch that low uh-huh we went back a little further than we

[3:47] usually do for normal non you know contest winner episodes or guest

[3:52] episodes or anything like that because normally here was 1927 and all of

[3:57] America was except was had Lindy fever and this movie came out right Dan no

[4:01] eight years it's a it's a 2011 release the year was 2011 and all of America had

[4:08] Lindy fever that's right a man had flown across the Atlantic Ocean by himself that

[4:13] man Lindy Lindbergh inventor of Lindbergh cheese now you might say you

[4:20] mean Limburger cheese no I would say that is burger cheese he took Limburger

[4:26] cheese carved his name into it made it a new cheese and that cheese inspired the

[4:32] catchphrase of one Steve Urkel got any cheese a lot of people don't know that

[4:38] that catchphrase is a reference to Linds burger cheese it's like those Looney

[4:42] Toons cartoons where they reference things that people don't remember

[4:45] anymore yeah they throw stuff in for the adults yeah now here's the thing about

[4:49] Steve Urkel he had two catchphrases but many Americans only have one

[4:53] catchphrase I think Marks would say he had two catchphrases did I do that and

[4:58] got any cheese Karl Marx would say no one should have two catchphrases until

[5:02] everybody has one catchphrase yeah that's true and then the baby from

[5:07] dinosaurs stole the show with also two catchphrases Stuart certainly does yeah

[5:15] I got like a million of them he's got a million around oh you know yeah wait

[5:21] what when he's also I also do did I do that and got any cheese you're

[5:29] mistaking yourself with one Steven Urkel I can understand how you could make the

[5:32] mistake you guys are almost total copies of each other but anyway so the

[5:36] point is this movie's a little older than we usually do it comes from the

[5:41] year 2011 that's right the 21st century the future okay and it's on Amazon Prime

[5:49] so why don't you run over there cue that shit up and start watching so that's the

[5:54] amazing thing about this movie is this movie is terrible let's just say that

[5:59] but also it is anyone who has Amazon Prime can watch it whenever they want

[6:02] yeah there's so many greats of the cinema which are unavailable for

[6:06] streaming that's the future I think there's I think there's what like a

[6:10] subcommittee that's investigating Amazon's practices of you know like

[6:15] Monopoly and other kinds of shit like that and I'm assuming there there's also

[6:20] a subheading where they're like providing unlimited access to love on a

[6:24] leash so Stu tell us about this movie love on a leash sounds okay so you fire

[6:31] this movie up the poster by the way looks like a professional movie it is

[6:34] not we open with almost no production logos right to business like I like it

[6:40] image of dog sitting on the rocks this dog golden retriever we then watch some

[6:47] additional footage of a dog walking around a park shot with a handheld

[6:50] camera not out of place in a serial killer video or the nine-inch nails

[6:55] broken movie now when you say serial video is that a video for serial killers

[7:00] to watch or a video made by a serial killer well I think there the answer to

[7:04] that is both Elliot because the serial killer makes the video and then he

[7:07] watches it he doesn't just make it and stick it in his fucking murder van like

[7:10] a maniac wait he is a maniac okay so and when I say that there is no sound

[7:15] there is literally no sound multiple points in this movie there is no audio

[7:20] whatsoever which I'm assuming the the the filmmaker uses a feature rather than

[7:25] a bug so that occasionally if he would he or she it's a woman so she it's a

[7:30] woman yeah this is actually this was the feature film debut of director Fenton

[7:35] she was 72 when she made it and apparently this was her dream project

[7:39] for years and years and years her biggest credit in Hollywood was that she

[7:43] was a she played auntie number one in the Joy Luck Club yeah but she was she

[7:48] was a graduate of a number of Chinese arts and film academies and this was the

[7:52] dream she had love on a leash so when you guys started the movie and there was

[7:56] no sound or music did you like me think that your iPad or television had broken

[8:01] well you you warned me Elliot so I but I was still amazed cuz I when you said no

[8:08] sound I didn't think you meant like no sound or like avoid cuz and there are

[8:13] scenes where like even once the sound starts people will talk and there will

[8:18] be sound for the talking and then the sound will drop out entirely and let me

[8:22] yeah like all ambient sound and as I was saying I think that's almost like a

[8:26] feature in this movie because it's like like the filmmaker is assuming oh the

[8:31] audience is going to have lost interest and be looking at their phone and we'll

[8:34] have to look up when they think the like there's something wrong with their

[8:38] TV all of a sudden yeah it's not since the last episode of The Sopranos was I

[8:43] so sure that a creative choice was something going wrong with my cable yeah

[8:46] I want to say you know I a lot of people probably know this already if they're

[8:51] listening to a film podcast but for those who don't a little filmmaking

[8:55] thing when you're making a movie you take something called room tone which is

[9:00] just the sound of the ambient noises around you the sound of the room like

[9:04] and you use that you just lay down a base isn't that you're tearing me apart

[9:08] Lisa isn't that the sound of the room anyway you laid out wasn't that wasn't

[9:14] the room tones Tommy Wiseau's band yeah you lay down a base of that audio and it

[9:19] helps sort of cover over these edits it provides that like an audio because we

[9:26] and because we don't live in a soundless voice yes even when there's nothing

[9:29] going on we still hear things so to have to see a dog walking around or as

[9:34] is used as a transitional shot for some reason ducks on a pond and have no sound

[9:39] whatsoever is a jarring experience yeah to shift gears in such a dramatic way

[9:44] that they would grind and moan I just want to say we have been trying to give

[9:49] some content warnings on these shows and I just recalled that I wanted to later

[9:52] on there is an attempted rape and an attempted suicide which seems very

[9:58] strange for what is ostensibly

[10:00] Light-hearted movie about a guy who is a dog half the time who finds love but anyway

[10:05] Dan Dan the idea of being trapped in the form of a dog is horrifying and terrifying to me not light-hearted at all the idea

[10:13] That you would make a light-hearted movie about a man who is sometimes a dog is

[10:17] Crazy to me if he and if he was running for say da that would make it even more

[10:22] Frightening that you're attempting to improve the world you live in by running for public office and yet sometimes you are a dog a shaggy dog

[10:29] Perhaps at that the very idea of it is horrifying to me

[10:32] And so just the thought that it would be a light-hearted movies is insane

[10:36] Whoever would make that movie is an insane person and should be locked up

[10:39] okay, so I think it's time that we try and cut through this Gordian knot of

[10:44] Passions and heartbreak that make up the plot of this movie. So as I mentioned there is no sound suddenly

[10:51] From out of seemingly out of nowhere a man's voice cuts through the void

[10:56] And we hear a man's voice that we have to assume is the voice of the dog or just a strange voice speaking in our

[11:03] Head, it's a man who is complaining about the lack of women around here

[11:08] The lack of women in the park that the dog is running around now you would you describe this this voice?

[11:13] would you describe it as a

[11:15] pleasant rational nice

[11:17] Person's voice that is funny and good to hear and enjoyable

[11:21] I would say it sounds like a off-brand Paul F. Tompkins doing like a jerk comedian impression

[11:30] Doesn't like a man try to pet the dog. He's like, hey, I'm not gay. Oh, yeah

[11:35] And there's a there's a dawning horror among the there's a dawning horror in the viewer as you realize the dog is not interested in

[11:43] Ladies or women that are dogs. Oh, no. He is trying to find a female human

[11:49] Yeah, I wanted to I wanted to make a point of this to sir because at this point in the film

[11:54] We are not aware that this is a man trapped in a dog's body. So we can only assume that this dog is horny for

[12:01] Human females. I mean to be honest real dogs are let's just face it any human leg. They are all over. So, you know

[12:09] Yeah, yeah, it's we are saying that

[12:11] Yeah, whatever

[12:13] So

[12:15] Unless I am just so totally dog like that dogs are drawn to my legs

[12:20] Because the experience I've had is that dogs see a human leg and they're like yowza

[12:23] Oh wooga head turns into a steam whistle opens mouth tongue lulls out like a red carpet rolls back up again

[12:30] I turn into like, you know Patriot missiles. They start hitting themselves in the head with a hammer

[12:35] That's what happens when dogs see human legs. Yeah

[12:37] Yeah, your legs turn into like I don't know like a ham dinner or like a turkey leg or like a nurse in a short skirt

[12:44] Walking slowly provocatively. Yeah, and also before we move on sorry the the the dogs talk

[12:49] I want to describe it a little bit in that it is

[12:51] Kind of the same sort of just random constant patter that you get in like a Popeye cartoon

[12:58] Where Popeye is monologuing to himself?

[13:00] Well, it feels like you are watching if someone watched America's Funniest Home Videos and they heard Bob Saget

[13:06] To putting his voice into that of a dog on a video and they said I think there's a movie in this

[13:11] Let's have some footage of a dog and talk over it

[13:13] And so I think you're overlooking the the occasional bursts when a movie that features no music whatsoever

[13:19] The dog occasionally has these stream-of-consciousness songs not unlike one of Elliot's letter songs

[13:24] It's so close that I would almost feel like Elliot has some kind of legal suit against the movie

[13:29] I certainly felt like my style was being bitten say by a dog now Stewart

[13:35] Why do we learn do we get any hints as to why this dog? Yeah, man, isn't that predicament? Yeah the dogs are through

[13:43] sprinkled clues we come to understand that the

[13:46] That there is some kind of a consciousness trapped in this dog's body a change had happened and that the dog wants to change back

[13:52] into a man

[13:54] he blames his curse on a

[13:57] Nearby pond which is apparently magical and can talk to him and occasionally shoot out bursts of sparkles

[14:03] He asked the pond which gives the dog a magical quest that he must find a girl

[14:08] which is convenient since that was his interest in the first place and I gotta say this is all this all of this information is

[14:15] sort of doled out so like quickly and vaguely that

[14:20] only because I have seen other movies in which a

[14:25] Man is trapped inside a beast say Beauty and the Beast

[14:28] That I was able to understand the basic premise of the film

[14:31] I do appreciate the the hood spot takes to have a magic pond appear in a movie as if that is a normal thing that

[14:38] Happens all the time. There's never even like what a talking pond the pond just starts talking. You're like, hold on a second

[14:44] I have to assume it's the ponds that saying this because that's what's on screen, but that's

[14:48] Nothing's prepared me for this

[14:50] so surely the so we now watch the this dog character walk around and try and find somebody and

[14:58] We then cut to a scene in the park where we have two women who are sunning themselves

[15:02] They are Paula who is dressed in pink and Lisa who is dressed in green?

[15:07] Paul is urging Lisa that she needs to date more. We learned that Lisa is a virgin

[15:13] Paula says something

[15:15] she says something about like the world like some places filled with freaks geeks and players or players, which I feel is a

[15:23] That was kind of a missed opportunity for a second season or a third season of freaks and geeks

[15:28] Freaks geeks and players. Yeah, sure. It's around here

[15:31] Well, so at this point the other dog has set his sights on Lisa

[15:35] He he thinks that there's an opportunity for him to find one of these to

[15:39] Take one of these women back to the pond and find a way to turn himself into a man

[15:45] because he needs to find he needs to convince a woman to love him in order to and the

[15:50] and we learned that Lisa has

[15:52] you know some

[15:55] She's Christian. She has a deep faith the dog says the line in his head, of course, you don't need a god, which is great

[16:06] I mean God and dog are the same letters think about it, but also like it's just thrown away in like one single line

[16:14] Later in the movie, I believe that he was turned into a dog because as punishment for being a Lothario before that

[16:21] Yep, but it's never clear like who is punishing him. Mm-hmm

[16:25] You know, this pond is magical. But what yeah, what entity is like this guy was sleeping around too much

[16:32] Clearly this is it. He must be turned into a dog

[16:34] Was it a powerful spell cast by Alan Aslan Rex lich king of Ravenloft? Who knows?

[16:41] We can only assume we'll have to fill in that information. Sure. Sure. It's the lich king of Ravenloft

[16:47] so

[16:48] The dog because at this point the dog doesn't have a name. We'll just call him dog dog gets dirty

[16:55] He used that as a way to trick Lisa into taking him home and giving him a bath

[17:00] He then immediately runs away. Yeah, I don't yeah, I don't think we're quite giving

[17:07] Enough of a picture of how disjointed this film is because for instance the dog meets Lisa

[17:12] We're like a minute and a half in yeah

[17:15] This is this is the point at which I kept I was telling my mom about this movie and she texted me last night

[17:20] She goes at 1.5. She knows she was I watched a minute of it and I turned it off

[17:24] Yeah, she got to this point. Yeah, but so disjointed that like the dog meets Lisa the dog runs away from Lisa

[17:32] The dog like gets dirty meets Lisa again at like a car wash. It's a gas a gas station

[17:39] Yeah, and Lisa's like, oh, you know, like come home with me and she washes him off but like it was so I

[17:47] Wasn't immediately sure that it was the same woman because it was such weird. She's she's still wearing green

[17:52] Yeah, but it was it but it was and Dan was like this movie obviously has a huge budget budget

[17:57] Certainly, they could afford another actress for this scene

[17:59] No

[18:00] But I'm trying to get the point across that was such weird

[18:02] Storytelling to me that that she just that she didn't just take the dog home

[18:06] After meeting him in the park there had to be this

[18:09] Like interlude where like the dog runs away and then meets her again at a second location and then she takes the dog home

[18:16] So Dan, this is how you know

[18:17] You're in the hands of a true artist because the movie is making you ask questions about its intentions

[18:21] Yeah, and the movie isn't taking the easy way out

[18:24] Certainly the easy way out would have been for her to just take the dog in the beginning

[18:28] But you need to throw complications in the path of your characters and then also

[18:32] Complications in what the audience expects now

[18:34] You might expect that the dog since it needs Lisa to change back into a man would be friendly to her

[18:40] but instead the dog continues to run away and belittle her in its mind in ways that are

[18:46] Strange and bizarre since it needs her far more than she needs it

[18:48] That's when you know, you're in the hands as I say of a true artist. Yeah

[18:54] Well, I have some theories about that

[18:55] But I'll wait till later in the movie

[18:57] One of my theories is also that they didn't really have a great dog trainer and they just have a lot of footage of that

[19:01] Dog running away from things and they had to write it into the movie. Oh, I said she'd bring up the dog trainer

[19:06] I was gonna say this for later. But since you bring it up, I looked up the

[19:10] Woman who plays Lisa's mom who has not been introduced yet in this synopsis. She's introduced around page 8

[19:19] But but since you said dog trainer she is actually a very accomplished animal trainer

[19:25] Mm-hmm. She for instance, she's worked on a lot of big movies. For instance. She was the head animal train trainer on. Dr. Strange

[19:32] She has like 80 credits from Dr. Strange. I don't recall but like

[19:40] Now imagine Mads Mikkelsen saying his line and then a woman off-screen giving him a treat

[19:45] Or like they have to get Mads Mikkelsen to look in the right direction for the CGI

[19:49] They have to use a feather to kind of wave it so he looks around

[19:52] But I can only assume that they got her to do all the animal training for the movie by dangling an acting role

[20:00] in front of her. She's like this much as she would dangle a feather in front of Mads Mikkelsen's face.

[20:04] Anyway, proceed. So, Stuart, where does Lisa work? I think we'll find that out next.

[20:13] Excellent segue, guys. Lisa works at a, like, a clothing store that's in a basement.

[20:19] She, we're introduced to her, where are we at? We've already skipped over the fact that

[20:24] everything in Lisa's apartment's green. Oh yeah, and the dog continues to mention,

[20:28] why is this house green? Why is everything green? And Lisa wears green all the time.

[20:32] Now, Lisa, but I wanted to get to when she's helping a farting woman in a too tight dress.

[20:37] Okay, give me a second. I'm just taking a breather. Okay.

[20:42] Again, we're like three minutes into the movie. Let me just skip over the notes about how instead

[20:46] of curtains in her apartment, she just has like a green sheet tacked over the windows.

[20:53] She decides to name the dog Prince. We are now going to refer to this dog as Prince.

[20:59] Prince and Lisa go shopping. Prince gets kicked by a guy who runs a clothing store, which is

[21:05] very harsh. And then we learn that unlike normal dogs, and this is when Lisa learns that Prince

[21:11] is a little bit special, he can actually see color as evidenced by his ability to see that

[21:16] her entire wardrobe and apartment is green. So he picks out clothes that might be better for her.

[21:20] A dog talent agent sees this and becomes very excited and gives Prince a business card that he

[21:27] takes with his mouth. Okay, now we are at Lisa's house. Oh, no.

[21:33] You skipped over her coworker, Kyle, who asked her out.

[21:36] Yeah, Kyle. Is he a coworker or does he own the place? I can't tell.

[21:41] All I know is he has a clipboard in his hand.

[21:44] That's a symbol of authority.

[21:46] The org chart of who is who in the store is very confusing because Lisa's awful manager

[21:57] berates her for how she handles a shopper. There's a client who wants a too tight dress,

[22:03] and Lisa says, that dress doesn't fit you, but she wants it. And the manager is like,

[22:07] oh, of course it fits her. She's great. Why would you ruin this sale?

[22:12] I mean, that's a classic good cop, bad cop trick that in this case,

[22:16] Mort, the manager is a good cop and he slides in there with...

[22:19] Yeah, but the point of what I'm saying...

[22:20] A very bad man and a very bad manager as we find out later.

[22:23] But the point of what I'm saying is that Kyle tells her afterwards, like, oh, I like your way

[22:28] better. And it's very confusing, as I said, as to who's in charge here, because if Kyle is above

[22:34] the manager, if he's the owner, it seems like maybe he would have said, hey, don't treat her that way.

[22:40] But he just kind of whispers it to her afterwards.

[22:43] Yeah, they're probably co-workers. This is around the time Charlene mentioned,

[22:46] my wife Charlene mentioned, nobody combs their hair in this movie.

[22:51] My girlfriend mentioned that Lisa, I would not have noticed this as a man,

[22:55] but Lisa has terrible hair extensions.

[22:58] Okay.

[22:59] And they were very visible once they were pointed out to me.

[23:02] Now, I have to assume that Kyle then, let's say he was researching stores for a paper that he's

[23:08] writing, maybe for like Forbes or the Financial Times or something like that, or the Rand Institute.

[23:14] And that's what he's just there researching.

[23:16] That makes sense. So Lisa goes back to work.

[23:18] Her manager, Mort, tries the old spider trick where he says she's got a spider on her back,

[23:23] and then he places his hands all over her back.

[23:26] Oh, yeah. Oh, we also, when she names the dog Prince, we learn that the dog's name

[23:31] is Alvin Flang. And this is just something he occasionally says sometimes.

[23:35] But even when he is a human later, he is still called Prince by Lisa.

[23:41] And he never says, no, actually, my name is Alvin Flang.

[23:43] It just doesn't come up.

[23:46] Okay.

[23:50] And Lisa is friendzoning Kyle pretty hard after they go on a date.

[23:54] Yeah.

[23:54] So I think our listeners can tell at this point that this movie is a little bit all

[23:59] over the place.

[23:59] If it sounds like Stewart and Elliot are fighting over the fucking driver's wheel of this podcast.

[24:06] This while we were watching this while I was watching this movie,

[24:08] I yearned for the craftsmanship and coherence of a talking cat,

[24:12] which is so well made and well structured compared to this movie.

[24:18] So an old friend Rita shows up to Lisa's house.

[24:23] Rita is also dressed in pink. I don't know what this represents.

[24:29] Rita is trying to set Lisa up on a date.

[24:32] She mentions that a amorous shopper at the store from earlier was actually part of a setup.

[24:41] What was that guy's name?

[24:42] Frank Hank.

[24:44] Honestly, in my notes, I just call him the guy and weird customer.

[24:47] So she decides she is conflicted because she likes Kyle.

[24:52] And she also likes this other fellow who I'll find the name in my notes later.

[24:56] She lies down on the couch and pulls out a headshot of each of them.

[25:01] And she's like, whom do I date?

[25:04] I guess I'll date both.

[25:05] It's her Richard III moment.

[25:10] So we learn that Lisa sleeps in a heart-shaped bed.

[25:13] Very appropriate.

[25:14] There's a, I hesitate to use this word,

[25:17] but there's a getting ready montage,

[25:19] which is just sped up footage of her putting on clothes while the dog watches.

[25:25] Lisa is having trouble deciding.

[25:27] This is when Prince uses the term whambulance to great comedic effect.

[25:34] She then gets a phone call from her mom that is totally shot like an evil villain is calling her.

[25:40] It is totally like a kidnapper's shot.

[25:42] She's sitting in pitch black darkness.

[25:45] Yep.

[25:45] Then like back to the camera.

[25:47] Yeah.

[25:48] So I imagine she's like stroking.

[25:51] What's the cat from Inspector Gadget?

[25:55] Our theory while watching this was that they couldn't get that actress for that scene.

[25:59] So they shot her in silhouette and had to stand and do it.

[26:03] Honestly, I think you're giving too much production credit to the movie.

[26:06] I think that they just thought it would look cool, maybe.

[26:08] I don't know.

[26:08] Or they just didn't have lights that day.

[26:10] So, so the mom starts to, what we seem,

[26:14] we feel like the mother is about to chastise her for dating multiple men.

[26:18] But no, no, no, that's a misdirect because the mother says,

[26:21] no, you should date four or five men.

[26:23] And that seems like overly complicating Lisa's life.

[26:28] Around now is when Prince the dog bites both of the headshots

[26:32] and then makes some off color comment about how one of the photos tastes Japanese.

[26:39] Because one of the actors, I think, is Japanese.

[26:41] That dog has just been hired for Saturday Night Live.

[26:43] Continue.

[26:44] Oh, I was right.

[26:45] It is Frank.

[26:46] So she goes on a date with Frank, who is the customer there in Frank's house.

[26:50] I can assume at first I thought it was some kind of a tea room.

[26:53] Me too.

[26:53] I thought they were in a restaurant, but then I think it's just based on the way that Frank's

[26:58] they're having.

[26:58] They're on a date, I guess, with and Frank brought along his mother,

[27:01] who is portrayed as an evil heredity.

[27:04] And she is specifying exactly how many slices of ham they can eat,

[27:08] which is kind of the clue that it wasn't a restaurant because you can't do that at a

[27:11] restaurant, right?

[27:12] You can't specify exactly how many ham slices you get.

[27:16] I mean, by the slice.

[27:19] I mean, if you're at a deli, you can you can buy it by weight.

[27:22] If you want fewer slices, I assume you could specify that.

[27:26] I don't think you can add slices.

[27:27] Give me twice as much as you'd normally give me for this amount of money.

[27:30] I don't think you can do that.

[27:31] One of my favorite stories my wife tells me when she was growing up is she clearly remembers

[27:37] going to Italian restaurants with her dad and her dad telling the waiter when they sit down,

[27:41] hey, can you bring a meatball for the kid?

[27:43] And the waiter would just bring a meatball out before they'd even get their food,

[27:47] which I mean, I feel like all restaurants should just bring a meatball for me.

[27:53] Can I like wear a shirt that says that?

[27:55] Or maybe I'll note that in my reservation.

[27:59] So we also learn...

[28:00] Please provide pre-meatball.

[28:03] I will expect a meatball at the table when I arrive.

[28:08] So Frank says...

[28:08] Put it in a crystal goblet like a fancy feast.

[28:14] Man, I don't know.

[28:16] Growing up, we didn't have crystal goblets.

[28:18] And I would see that cat walking up to that thing to eat that fancy feast.

[28:21] And I'm like, how dare you?

[28:23] Lord, your wealth over me, cat.

[28:26] Karl Marx would say that no one should eat their cat food out of a crystal goblet until

[28:30] everyone has cat food.

[28:32] Hey, look, you may eat out of a crystal goblet, but we both shit in a box full of sand.

[28:36] So get over yourself.

[28:40] So we learned from this mother that Frank...

[28:44] I always forget, Stuart, that you were raised on a shit mummification commune cult.

[28:48] Yeah, the cult of the dung beetle.

[28:52] So we learned that Frank has a five-year-old.

[28:55] And obviously, this five-year-old's grandmother is very concerned that because Lisa is coming

[29:03] into their life, and they have high aspirations for this child, that they expect him to become

[29:09] president of the United States.

[29:11] The movie doesn't clarify whether that happens, though it does cover a relatively large period

[29:15] of time, as we'll get to later.

[29:18] That's a little plot thread, I guess, for the sequel.

[29:21] But she does specify some weird stuff.

[29:25] She places the condition that if Lisa were to marry Frank, which is odd because this,

[29:29] once again, seems like a first date, that she would not be allowed to have any children

[29:34] of her own, and that because this mother is a still-working or a retired gynecologist,

[29:41] Lisa would have to have her tubes tied.

[29:44] And this is Lisa's reaction to this, which should be like, what?

[29:48] She just has this look on her face like, okay, if that's the price I gotta pay, let me think

[29:52] about this.

[29:53] If that's really what it takes, I'm not sure it's worth it, but let me think about it.

[29:57] She's just absorbing all this information about how...

[30:00] They've scientifically figured out how to raise this child, and she can't have any children.

[30:03] She's going to be the kid's stepmom.

[30:04] It's a very strange scene.

[30:06] Uh, shortly after this, Paula comes over, uh, to hang out with Lisa, to Lisa's house.

[30:11] Prince comes up and bites Paula, and then Prince gets thrown out of the house.

[30:16] He, and he has to find a way to get back into Lisa's good graces.

[30:20] Uh, once again, not really established why this needed to happen.

[30:23] Uh, now suitor number two, Kyle comes over.

[30:28] You know what, Stuart?

[30:28] You made me, I, this, this movie feels like they shot like a four episode or five

[30:32] episode miniseries and then condensed it down to a movie.

[30:35] And maybe that's what happened.

[30:36] Uh-huh.

[30:37] Kind of like, uh, kind of like Widows.

[30:39] Uh, Widows was originally a miniseries that was, uh, remade as a, repurposed

[30:43] as a, a long film that, you know.

[30:46] Oh, was it?

[30:46] I didn't realize that.

[30:48] Um, yeah, think about it.

[30:49] It, uh, I feel like that the more you think about the more that kind of shows

[30:53] in the movie, but whatever.

[30:54] No, I think you're right.

[30:55] I think, I know.

[30:55] I think I'd like to do, but I think you're right.

[30:57] There's a lot of, uh, there's a lot of stuff going on in that movie.

[31:00] And that makes more sense.

[31:01] And I also, I still don't get how in that movie, a guy who's running for

[31:05] alderman shows up at the funeral of a famous bank robber and is like, I

[31:08] worked with your husband.

[31:09] I had a lot of respect for him.

[31:10] It's like, wait, you were, he's a famous thief.

[31:13] You worked with him and you knew him.

[31:14] I don't, it's a straight, it's, that was the one moment in the movie

[31:17] where I was like, wait, what's going on in this movie?

[31:19] It's like, was this originally meant to be set in a wild West town?

[31:25] Okay.

[31:26] Uh, so Kyle comes over and of course, at this point he proposes to Lisa after

[31:32] she explains the bona fides of her art collection, yeah, there's like a

[31:38] prominently displayed painting.

[31:39] And then Lisa explains who the artist is, what their work history is and

[31:43] where you can find it, uh, for purchase.

[31:46] It's on auction at Sotheby's.

[31:47] She says, however, there's a little wrinkle here.

[31:51] Kyle proposes.

[31:52] However, he explains, uh, he explains that he is, uh, he is a gay man and

[31:57] he would only be proposing to Lisa as a way to, uh, appease his family.

[32:02] And of course he would need a child.

[32:04] He tells her he's like, he, he really backs into it and buries the lead.

[32:07] Cause he's like, and if, of course, if we were married, you could continue

[32:10] to date and be involved with whoever you wanted, uh, and I do want to marry you,

[32:14] even though I find you physically unattractive, I do want to marry.

[32:17] And she's like, what?

[32:17] And he's like, oh, I'm, I'm gay.

[32:19] That's what it is.

[32:19] And my family's ashamed of me.

[32:20] And it was like, wow, this, this scene got so heavy.

[32:23] And that was, that was a long way to just get across the road there, buddy.

[32:26] I don't know why I had to go all the way around the block.

[32:29] I don't know why we were going in reverse down this highway, but.

[32:32] And he, he tries to sweeten the deal by offering her luxury furs, which is an

[32:36] odd movie in a movie about a woman who falls in love with a dog, Lisa, Lisa

[32:42] turns him down and Kyle leaves.

[32:46] He's like, please think about it.

[32:47] And he leaves.

[32:48] And this is when, uh, this is, then we get to a kind of difficult scene where out of

[32:52] nowhere, her manager Mort breaks into her home drunk and begins to assault her.

[32:58] He explains that he, uh, is in an unhappy marriage, that he is, uh, not, uh, he's

[33:04] not sexually fulfilled by his wife and it is not safe to see a hooker in his words,

[33:09] which I don't know, I don't know if that line's ever worked.

[33:12] Now during this, during this assault, I mean, so Prince runs to the

[33:17] rescue, but his attitude is very strange.

[33:20] The voiceover is like, Hey, get off her.

[33:23] She's mine.

[33:24] Yes.

[33:25] It's not, it's not, Hey, get off her.

[33:28] You shouldn't rape Lisa.

[33:31] It's Hey, get off her.

[33:32] She's mine.

[33:34] And then, um, more, uh, having been, uh, defeated by the dog, uh, he runs off while

[33:40] shouting over his shoulder that Lisa is fired.

[33:42] I do not think that firing would hold up.

[33:45] Um, and then Lisa's like breaks down and sobs on the couch while the dog does like

[33:50] victory gloating.

[33:52] Yeah.

[33:52] He sings a song about how he's the king of the castle.

[33:55] It's very, it's so we've seen, I guess what I'm saying is, uh, this movie is kind

[34:01] of tone deaf emotionally.

[34:03] Yeah.

[34:03] Nice way of putting it.

[34:04] Well, here's a theory that I have.

[34:06] Um, so I think that once the guy, the dog turns into a guy, I think that his voice

[34:13] is different than the dog.

[34:14] It's very, no question.

[34:16] Okay.

[34:16] So if you just think that, then you gotta look a little closer because it's incredibly

[34:21] obvious.

[34:22] Okay.

[34:22] So it is my theory that this movie was made.

[34:25] It's almost like you're like, I'm going to hypothesize that the man and the dog are

[34:28] not the same because they look a little different.

[34:30] Yes, Dan.

[34:31] They're completely different.

[34:32] All right.

[34:32] So, all right.

[34:34] I'm taking my, I'm just taking my lumps.

[34:36] Uh, I, I feel like the movie was made and then, uh, they might have been like, Hey,

[34:43] this doesn't make as much sense as it should.

[34:45] Like there's huge swaths of no noise whatsoever.

[34:49] Maybe the dog should talk.

[34:51] And like, they also wanted to lighten the mood of the movie.

[34:54] Cause the movie is weirdly dour for something that again is ostensibly a

[34:59] romantic comedy, I think.

[35:01] And so they just got someone in after the fact to just improvise riffs over things

[35:07] who maybe doesn't understand like what the movie is.

[35:10] Like he's way meaner to Lisa as a dog than he is as a human being.

[35:16] Uh-huh.

[35:16] Like shortly, shortly, shortly after this, uh, Lisa takes a bunch of, uh,

[35:22] Mentos shaped sleeping pills.

[35:24] Oh, wait, let me say, wait up before we, before we move on, Dan, I think you may,

[35:26] that may make sense that this, maybe this movie was not originally meant to be a

[35:29] comedy.

[35:30] Yeah.

[35:31] I think it was probably, maybe it was meant to be a romance or a drama.

[35:34] And then they were like, no, no, no, we, we should add jokes to it.

[35:37] Exactly.

[35:38] Let's hi, let's bring someone into ad lib all this stuff.

[35:41] And there's like, yeah, that would make a lot of sense.

[35:43] Dan, I think you might've cracked the code.

[35:45] Yeah.

[35:45] Let's make a movie about it.

[35:46] We'll call it loving love on a leash.

[35:50] Because later on, I don't like, I don't want to jump ahead too much, but later

[35:52] on, once he does become a man, part of the time, like the movie is a lot about

[35:57] sort of the struggles of being in a marriage and how much extra, uh, like

[36:02] tension is caused by the fact that she has to keep this secret and he's a man

[36:07] only half the time.

[36:08] And it seems very, once again, a plot point that we haven't gotten to yet.

[36:12] Yeah.

[36:12] But it seems odd.

[36:13] I just want to like, I think jumping around makes sense here.

[36:16] Cause I just, I'm saying that it seems oddly serious, like the person behind it

[36:21] intended to make more of a kind of magical realism sort of story and it just

[36:29] didn't work.

[36:29] So they tried something different at the last minute.

[36:32] It was originally called 100 Years of Dogatude.

[36:34] Yeah, it was written by, uh, uh, I don't know, Salmon Barkdee.

[36:44] Salmon Roughdee, let's say.

[36:45] Oh, wow.

[36:46] That was just sitting on the table.

[36:47] I didn't pick it up.

[36:49] Oh man.

[36:51] Oh man.

[36:52] Now I'm taking my lumps.

[36:53] Uh, so as I mentioned, uh, Lisa takes a bunch of, uh, sleeping pills and she

[36:58] passes out on the floor is when Prince the dog says, if she's OD'd, I'm screwed.

[37:05] Which once again, brings up the fact that like, he clearly, like he's a huge asshole.

[37:10] Like I think that's the line that sums up the problem with the movie.

[37:14] If she OD's, I'm screwed.

[37:16] Like it's so heartless.

[37:19] So Lisa, uh, so quick thinking, Prince the dog runs out into the street, lays

[37:24] down in front of a car, the car stops.

[37:25] Prince, uh, leads the driver in who finds Lisa.

[37:29] Lisa is rushed to a hospital, which is aptly named Garfield Medical Center.

[37:35] Easter eggs all around.

[37:36] Uh, Prince then sings letter songs.

[37:39] Uh, Lisa gets out of the hospital.

[37:42] She runs home in the rain, suspiciously not wet.

[37:46] This is a very odd scene where she runs through a fake rainstorm and then goes

[37:50] into her apartment completely unwetted by the water.

[37:54] She also comes home pretty casually from her stay at the hospital after

[37:58] taking all those sleeping pills.

[38:00] Yeah.

[38:00] She, she's looking around for Prince.

[38:01] She can't find him.

[38:02] She picks up an umbrella and then throws it away.

[38:08] And then, and then she goes, uh, yeah, she goes running out into the rain.

[38:11] She goes into a park.

[38:13] Um, okay.

[38:15] This is where, this is where the movie gets a little weird guys.

[38:19] She runs into a park looking for Prince.

[38:21] Prince is there.

[38:22] She expresses her love for him or he expressed his love.

[38:26] So she vows to have no men, but him forever, which, uh, we then get some

[38:32] sparkle magic and all of a sudden Prince is no longer Prince.

[38:35] He is a naked, strange man standing in the, uh, standing in the water

[38:40] or standing in the park.

[38:41] He is a strange man, right?

[38:43] Like there's something very weird about him that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

[38:46] For a man who was a dog half the time, his body is very hairless.

[38:50] I also think that part of it might be that he's wearing, he's, he's wearing a

[38:54] crazy wig that I think is meant to be reminiscent of the dog's fur.

[38:59] So that's part of it too.

[39:00] I think I didn't even think about that.

[39:02] Once again, the Easter eggs all around, uh, she obviously Lisa is terrified.

[39:09] What, uh, she had previously been touched, uh, touching her dog and now

[39:12] there's a naked, strange man, uh, albeit incredibly attractive, uh, grabbing

[39:17] petting a dog and then suddenly be feeling naked human skin.

[39:20] That'd be strange and crazy.

[39:22] Uh-huh.

[39:22] And he, he, uh, he, he calms her down in a voice that is nothing

[39:26] like the, the dog's inner monologue.

[39:28] And he says, don't be afraid.

[39:30] It's me.

[39:31] It's really me, your dog.

[39:36] Uh, and, and she is swooning.

[39:39] She's terrified.

[39:40] She passes out somewhere in this process.

[39:42] He glosses over the, the, the whole story, which is, as we said, he was a, uh, he

[39:47] was a man in a previous life.

[39:49] He says a man who was cursed for his philandering and turned into a dog.

[39:53] Yes.

[39:54] But also, I mean, she's, she's befuddled by what's happened, but she

[39:57] also, uh, thanks God for answering.

[40:00] bring her prayers for a man.

[40:01] Yeah, she wakes up and he proposes to her.

[40:04] Yes, she declares Prince her husband.

[40:07] Then we get a little sequence where Prince explores,

[40:11] oh, and he still goes by the name Prince, which is odd.

[40:14] Yeah, especially since earlier he was literally yelling,

[40:16] my name is Alvin Flang, I'm Alvin Flang.

[40:20] Prince explores his new human body, looks at his butt,

[40:23] and then we see.

[40:25] It's so funny,

[40:26] because that probably is one of the first things

[40:27] you would do, right,

[40:28] is check out your own privates to make sure

[40:30] that they look the same.

[40:32] I mean, I do that every morning when I wake up.

[40:34] Yeah, just to make sure there's no tail there.

[40:36] Uh-huh, make sure I'm not a dog.

[40:38] We then were then treated to, I don't know,

[40:42] one of the worst sex scenes in human history.

[40:44] I want to talk about this.

[40:46] Now, so Lisa is sort of like awkwardly giggling

[40:52] and kind of like rolling away from him a lot of the time,

[40:55] and I think the movie is trying to show you

[41:00] like her being sort of uncomfortable,

[41:03] or her being like experiencing sex for the first time,

[41:07] because she was a virgin.

[41:08] I think that like the giggling and sort of like

[41:12] putting her hands over her face is supposed to be that,

[41:15] but it reads like she really doesn't want to have sex

[41:18] with this guy.

[41:20] And at the same time, he seems kind of grossed out by her.

[41:23] Yeah, it's very unpleasant.

[41:25] But say what you will about the other bad sex scene

[41:28] involving Lisa in the room,

[41:31] at least Tommy Wiseau looks like he's interested

[41:35] in some way, even though Lisa herself looks terrified.

[41:38] Yeah, and also this guy was a dog a couple hours ago,

[41:43] and they have jumped into bed immediately.

[41:45] So that's also kind of strange.

[41:46] Look, at any moment, he could turn back into a dog.

[41:50] It's like a conjugal visit in prison.

[41:52] You got to take advantage of the time.

[41:53] Well, and that those fears are realized, Elliot,

[41:56] because the next morning she wakes up to find

[41:58] that a dog is in her bed,

[42:00] and then they immediately get over it.

[42:04] Vince runs over and talks to the magic pond

[42:06] trying to find out what the deal is,

[42:07] because he thought he had fulfilled

[42:09] the conditions of his curse.

[42:10] No, no, no.

[42:12] The pond, I think the pond explains that like

[42:14] they're not 100% committed or something.

[42:16] Yeah.

[42:17] He only gets to be a dog when the son is down

[42:22] or shrouded by clouds.

[42:24] Yeah, the pond keeps really moving the goalposts,

[42:27] because the pond keeps giving this guy

[42:31] kind of like love quests along the way

[42:34] before he has to, he's like,

[42:35] no, no, now you got to do this,

[42:37] now you got to do this.

[42:37] Yeah, like a loan shark.

[42:39] His princess is literally in another castle each time.

[42:42] It's like, you got to find a woman to love you.

[42:44] Oh, well, now you've got to learn true love.

[42:46] Well, now you've got to understand

[42:47] that a marriage means sacrifice.

[42:49] And it's like, pond, are you making this up?

[42:52] Or are you learning this now?

[42:53] I think something that is just very strange is

[42:56] it really becomes, as the movie goes on,

[42:58] it becomes more and more clear

[43:00] how different Prince is as a man than as a dog.

[43:02] As a man, he's like, Lisa, I love you.

[43:05] You mean so much to me.

[43:07] I just want to be your husband.

[43:08] I want to take care of you.

[43:09] And as a dog, he's like, what's your problem?

[43:11] Get out of my face.

[43:12] Come on.

[43:13] Like, just like, oh, again with the green clothes again.

[43:18] Oh, boy, I'm a dog, I'm a dog, I'm a dog, I'm a dog.

[43:23] Like, it's, they're so, we talked about it before,

[43:25] but they're just, it keeps hitting you over the head

[43:27] how incredibly different they are.

[43:28] Yeah, and like, this is, I wonder,

[43:30] this is why I wonder whether the guy even saw-

[43:32] We're about 30 minutes in the movie, by the way.

[43:35] This is why I wonder whether the guy even saw the film,

[43:37] because another instance of that is like,

[43:40] the dog at the beginning, as we mentioned,

[43:42] like, makes an offensive joke about like,

[43:45] hey, I'm not gay, like, when a man is touching him.

[43:47] And then her coworker, you know, a gay man,

[43:50] is presented relatively sympathetically

[43:53] and just as like, a normal dude who needs some help.

[43:56] And it's like, who, like, this guy didn't see the movie

[44:00] that he was doing his voiceover for,

[44:01] that is my point, I guess.

[44:03] Yeah.

[44:04] Now, when you say normal dude who needs some help,

[44:05] you mean like, some help with his family situation,

[44:08] not some help not being gay.

[44:09] Yes, I'm sorry, I-

[44:11] I just want to make that clear.

[44:12] Okay.

[44:14] Yeah, so they, you know, they talk it through,

[44:17] they figure out that he is,

[44:19] they figure out the situation,

[44:20] Lisa is pretty much on board with dog fucking.

[44:23] She-

[44:24] Oh no, she's, hold on.

[44:26] He's a man when they do it.

[44:28] This is just their new normal.

[44:29] Every, every relationship has its ups and downs

[44:32] and their downs are during the day when he's a dog

[44:34] and their ups are at night.

[44:35] And I think you know what I mean.

[44:37] So we, like, we see-

[44:38] We see scenes-

[44:39] About their ups.

[44:40] We see scenes of their life.

[44:40] I think you know what's going up at night.

[44:43] Yeah, you're, you're making the same joke

[44:45] that my girlfriend actually made a few times

[44:47] during the movie, which is like,

[44:48] I only need him to be a man at night.

[44:51] Yeah, yeah.

[44:52] As the tagline Charlene proposed,

[44:55] he licks his ass at day and her ass at night.

[45:00] Now why, that would have been much clearer about the movie,

[45:03] but yet it's, I think it's a lot of women's dream

[45:06] to have a man at their beck and call,

[45:08] literally he, she can command him during the day

[45:11] to do things like sit, play dead,

[45:13] that all wives want their husbands to do.

[45:15] I think you're getting into a weird area here, Elliot,

[45:17] that I'm not gonna support you on.

[45:19] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[45:20] You've been, you got, you just signed on

[45:22] for that new What Women Want project, right?

[45:25] Yeah, yeah, it's called What Women Want dot, dot, dot.

[45:27] They want dogs that become men at night.

[45:29] Yeah, it's a sequel, reboot, it's a legacy sequel,

[45:31] you never know.

[45:32] It's still Sars Mel Gibson and his own dog.

[45:35] Wow, courageous choice.

[45:40] Okay, so we get to see some scenes of their, like,

[45:43] their daily life.

[45:45] Lisa, I guess, has a new job, or the same job,

[45:48] that isn't clear.

[45:49] She, we get a scene of her preparing, like,

[45:53] the saddest fucking breakfast for herself and Prince,

[45:57] where she, like, is scraping cream cheese

[46:00] from a little, like, takeout container thing.

[46:03] Like, it's so, like, come on, dude.

[46:07] And then she has a good laugh when Prince,

[46:10] unlike every other dog in history,

[46:12] is uninterested in human food and only wants dog food.

[46:16] And she has a good laugh at that.

[46:17] She's like, you want dog food, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[46:21] Okay, and for, and then we get a little scene.

[46:24] A little manic, actually.

[46:25] Yeah, it's kind of a weird,

[46:26] who's afraid of Virginia Woolf type moment.

[46:29] Because it's like, oh, you want dog food, husband?

[46:32] Well, I'll feed you that, ha, ha, ha.

[46:34] Or like, whatever happened to baby Jane

[46:36] when she serves her a rat for dinner?

[46:38] Well, I guess it's like something

[46:39] that's in the form of a question.

[46:41] Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?

[46:42] Whatever happened to baby Jane?

[46:44] Who slew Auntie Rue?

[46:45] All that, it's Jeopardy style.

[46:46] Throw mama from a train?

[46:47] Great chefs of Europe.

[46:49] Exactly, all of those.

[46:51] All dogs go to heaven, question mark?

[46:53] They purchase a collar and a leash,

[46:57] and then they pose for some photos

[46:59] that are, like, part,

[47:01] I would say they're, like, part wedding photos

[47:04] and also part, like, once again,

[47:06] kind of serial killer-y photos.

[47:09] The sort of things you would find

[47:10] in, like, a basement level in a Resident Evil game.

[47:13] I mean, it's like, I mean,

[47:15] they're bondage play-y, I guess,

[47:17] because he's, like, wearing the leash,

[47:19] which I'm not shaming, that's wonderful,

[47:22] but, like, because he is literally a dog half the time,

[47:26] she does seem to be very much playing into,

[47:29] like, it seems like maybe her fetish now

[47:30] is the fact that he is a dog.

[47:32] Yeah.

[47:33] I mean, she's in a situation

[47:34] that as far as she knows,

[47:35] no woman has ever been in before.

[47:37] She is exploring new boundaries on the erotic continent,

[47:40] and she really likes that.

[47:42] Which is, I agree with you,

[47:45] and this does feel like a one-off situation

[47:47] where a man was initially cursed into a dog's body

[47:50] and then has somehow found a way

[47:52] to live half the time as a dog and a man,

[47:54] but later on as a dog,

[47:56] he and a bunch of other dogs

[47:57] are, I think, like, fighting over food,

[47:59] and we hear the inner voices of all these other dogs,

[48:02] and they seem to be communicating.

[48:04] So, like, is this a common thing?

[48:06] I mean, I guess it says something

[48:07] about the reality we live in.

[48:10] I mean, it's true that if all dogs

[48:13] were people in the form of dogs

[48:15] and we couldn't hear them talk,

[48:16] we'd have no idea,

[48:17] and we just would never know.

[48:19] Pray, pray that you don't learn

[48:21] the other half of that scenario,

[48:22] that you don't end up as a dog for the Flophouse.

[48:26] I'm the Cryptkeeper.

[48:27] Oh, wow.

[48:29] Is that a different cryptie?

[48:31] Yeah, you've toned down your thing, huh?

[48:33] I'm the new Cryptkeeper.

[48:35] They fired the old guy because of the puns.

[48:37] Now my whole thing is sleight-of-hand magic, close-up.

[48:41] Dan, pick a card.

[48:42] Would you?

[48:43] A tarot card.

[48:45] I mean, I can't through the Skype connection, but...

[48:49] Once again, Dan,

[48:50] you have refused to yes-and a scenario.

[48:54] I, the Cryptkeeper,

[48:56] had no way of knowing that you are a logical robot,

[48:59] but Elliot, if he were here,

[49:00] should have known that, and he apologizes.

[49:03] All right.

[49:03] So we then go,

[49:05] so despite all their newly-wed bliss,

[49:11] there's a rocky road ahead

[49:12] because we have a scene in the park

[49:15] where they're having a picnic,

[49:16] and Lisa has gotten all the things that he loves,

[49:20] what, like chopped liver, et cetera, et cetera,

[49:23] but there's something that's kind of stuck in Prince's craw.

[49:27] This is performed...

[49:28] She wants him to eat this food,

[49:30] but there's something eating it.

[49:31] Yeah, and this is performed admirably by this dog actor

[49:34] who is just sitting on a blanket in the park

[49:36] while Lisa talks to him and has a one-sided fight with him.

[49:40] Please communicate with me,

[49:42] and this dog just stares off into the void.

[49:44] Smiling.

[49:45] I'm going to be a fly on the wall in this scene.

[49:47] The dog's being perfectly happy.

[49:48] It is so strange.

[49:50] All I could imagine was people walking by

[49:52] and seeing a woman yelling at a dog in the park

[49:54] as if they were in a relationship

[49:55] and being like, what is going on here?

[49:57] Because it's really weird.

[49:58] It's like, what's going on?

[49:59] It's like, what's going on here?

[50:00] shot from like far away pretty much too right yeah yeah and you know the dog

[50:03] may be smiling but his eyes aren't he is certainly not smiling

[50:07] oh so you're saying it's one of those situations where he's like hey hey hey

[50:09] well let's get home we'll talk about it there honey and she's like we'll talk

[50:12] about it right here uh but so we we learn that

[50:18] he he feels uh he feels that he should be able to provide for her

[50:23] if he is the the man in this relationship and this is this is a

[50:26] challenging thing because as we've said before

[50:28] he is only a man at night and there's a limited amount of professions

[50:32] in what los angeles where is this los angeles

[50:35] uh i think it's i think it's los angeles but stewart you as everyone know

[50:39] you would know that anyone nobody works at night there are no jobs at night

[50:42] there are no nighttime jobs yep i'm coming off like three hours of

[50:45] sleep because i work a nighttime job so he gets a job at a uh

[50:51] the remember the the dog talent agent who showed up earlier well he comes

[50:55] back and weirdly enough we have another

[50:57] returning character that's right the dog talent agent is uh working with the

[51:02] farting woman from the dress store because there are no loose ends in this

[51:06] movie that's craftsmanship and she she needs a dog actor for a uh a

[51:12] commercial she's doing and i i got a little lost in the exact

[51:15] series of how this all played out but i think he made a phone call or left a

[51:19] phone message and uh he left a phone message and said

[51:22] well first he gets there too late they've already left for the day and so

[51:26] he sits in a hot parking lot and we get the immortal line from the

[51:30] throat guy who's throwing lines into the dog's mouth ah my ass

[51:33] because the parking lot i assume is too hot for me the sun and then he called

[51:37] as a human that night he calls the dog agent and arranges a daytime meeting

[51:41] and the dog agent has a uh has a the he has a like a bubble letter sign on his

[51:47] front door that just says dog talent agent but also

[51:52] not since the joke leaves comedy basement has there been a more apt name

[51:57] on a building but also the message he leaves is like

[52:00] hey remember that dog you you're looking for he'll be outside your building at

[52:05] like this hour or whatever and like so the dog is just showing up on

[52:09] chaperone and i really wonder how the dog is getting paid whether they're just

[52:12] handing well they explain it they explain it dan they hand cash to the

[52:16] dog he says pay him in cash give it to the dog

[52:19] now here's the thing the client and the agent go into their his office

[52:23] the dog is already there prince is already there sitting at the desk a

[52:26] master of breaking and entering sneakily and

[52:29] they're like we got to prove that he can do this pick up the red

[52:33] phone and then prince picks up the red phone

[52:35] now pick up the lap the indigo phone and he picks up the indigo phone

[52:40] and they're like he did it he's the most brilliant dog in the history of dogs

[52:44] yeah it's it's pretty incredible so he gets his commercial gig

[52:47] uh they also treat him like he's already famous they are so

[52:51] they are so deferential to this dog sitting at a desk

[52:54] and i think it's hilarious it was like oh sir you're here already uh well if we

[52:58] could talk to you about the commercial it's just really funny

[53:02] so he gets his gig obviously because he's an amazing dog actor

[53:06] um and then he shows up uh with uh presents for lisa later on as he's a

[53:12] man and and when she asks him about it he

[53:16] says don't ask how i get money which is like

[53:19] that's the shadiest way to say that sir

[53:22] um and then paula's car breaks down and she needs a shower

[53:27] oh wait before that before that we do see what lisa finds out about prince's

[53:31] job how does she find out about it uh yeah so she's watching uh she's

[53:36] watching tv uh and prince realizes that one of the

[53:40] commercials that he's in is on there so he tries to turn off the tv she watches

[53:44] it uh and in fact she realizes oh my god

[53:48] you're you're a commercial dog actor and the

[53:51] commercial involves the commercial involves prince

[53:53] fighting and then befriending a ninja yeah

[53:58] i'll tell you that well yeah like he had he had shown up with a

[54:01] like an injury as a dog and she's like what's going on he's like don't ask me

[54:05] about my money you know i just i got i'm doing it for my family

[54:09] like every guy on a reality competition show ever

[54:14] so yeah uh i think at this point and they i think they gloss over it she's

[54:18] like okay well you got a job that's great

[54:20] she's like you're a famous you're a famous dog who teams up with a ninja on

[54:24] tv that's my life now okay it's a living

[54:26] you would think at this point she would then

[54:29] help support him i would think it would make life much easier if she's like okay

[54:32] well i'll manage you like why don't but i guess that's uh that

[54:36] would infringe on his uh you know his his sense of self and worth well part of

[54:41] part of a marriage is having separate spheres

[54:43] so you can have your own thing yeah i mean it would be very strange if a

[54:47] husband and wife were to work together or own a business together

[54:50] i think it would be crazy you're asking for disaster at that point cruising for

[54:54] a bruising if you will yep and i oh have i been bruised um

[54:58] so you're saying paula comes over paula comes over her car is broken down

[55:02] uh this is at nighttime so of course prince is a

[55:05] is a human man uh lisa is terrified and hides a naked prince in a

[55:12] like a small wardrobe or like a temporary wardrobe

[55:16] paula needs to take a shower of course uh she is immediately suspicious of

[55:20] lisa's behavior because lisa is behaving very

[55:23] suspiciously oh by the way this is the shower thing like she

[55:26] she barges into the house and like immediately goes to the bathroom and

[55:29] lisa's like what are you doing like i'm going to take a shower as if it's the

[55:31] most normal thing to do to go to a friend's house walk in

[55:35] without telling them they're going to take a shower and just start showering

[55:39] please continue uh i mean maybe i guess you're in a max yeah

[55:42] and you're you're i guess your car has never broken down before

[55:46] okay that's hot work um okay so she uh so she

[55:52] paula paula finds prince of course because they're acting crazy

[55:56] she uh is uh obviously frightened because prince

[56:00] it looks like a monster man they uh but a very you know cut and beautiful

[56:05] monster man a gentle monster man paula does not take

[56:08] this well at all despite her earlier urgings for lisa to find a man

[56:12] she is horrified that lisa would hide this from her

[56:15] uh and it it's it's a very strange like it's that sort of thing where you're

[56:19] like why is this character angry yeah she seems so intent on lisa getting

[56:24] some earlier on and now she's like this is the friendship ending argument

[56:29] that they have she's like you're a you're a hypocrite i

[56:31] thought you were this big virgin but now you're not but you actually have

[56:35] a man you lied to me i'm out of here i mean it

[56:37] says a lot about how uh sometimes in our uh friendships and

[56:41] relationships you can kind of pigeonhole your friends into just one thing and

[56:44] like everybody has into like rich in their

[56:47] lives right i'm not we're not just like one character

[56:49] no not at all so i was like unless you're dan but anyway so

[56:53] i would i would say that uh much like watergate

[56:57] it wasn't the crime but the cover-up that made paula mad

[57:00] and since he she hides him in a shower that zips up

[57:04] that yeah i feel like it's like a temporary with an opaque

[57:07] uh shower curtain i would call that a water gate

[57:11] oh okay a gate to get to the water of the shower so let me uh

[57:15] layers upon layers well i guess the podcast is over forever

[57:18] yeah yeah elliot's uh elliot's joke works okay

[57:23] yeah do the math please technically a joke okay

[57:29] so now that paul is out of her life uh rita has no option

[57:32] or rita lisa has no option but to have a fun day with her other friend

[57:36] rita i feel like rita is like now i get to move up a slot to best friend

[57:41] uh-huh and rita who had seemed somewhat innocuous at first

[57:45] starts to show her true colors uh she is uh uh

[57:52] rita is very aggressively trying to get lisa to go to places with her and at

[57:57] this point i'm like is rita also trying to magically

[58:01] transform into something

[58:04] she she takes lisa to uh looks like a restaurant with a dance floor

[58:09] where lisa's mother is uh so rita and lisa's mother are already at are at this

[58:13] restaurant and they're encouraging lisa to dance

[58:16] with a collection of different men who begin to fight over

[58:19] dancing with lisa lisa is put off and it is revealed that

[58:23] lisa's mother and rita have been paying these men to dance with her

[58:28] yeah uh which they're very bad at their job like it seems like

[58:32] they would just take turns rather than fighting over yeah i mean if it's a job

[58:37] why would you i mean are they being paid by the

[58:39] like the step of the i assume they're being paid per dance

[58:43] yeah here's something that i want to say at this point so this movie

[58:47] is obsessed with lisa getting married or paired off

[58:51] like all the characters uh proposed to her almost immediately

[58:55] she is seeking a man when she finally does get married it is right away

[58:59] and her her mother is obsessed with this as well

[59:03] and um yeah her mother says the only thing

[59:06] that would make her happy is for lisa to find a man and so yeah and i'm gonna

[59:09] reveal another piece of the puzzle in dan's girlfriend

[59:14] so my girlfriend wait why are you why are you hiding pieces of puzzles

[59:18] in your girlfriend like okay she swallows them very gross

[59:22] anyway um i haven't seen ready or not yet don't spoil anything

[59:27] so my girlfriend is asian and when she found out that the person who made this

[59:33] was an elderly chinese immigrant she's like oh this makes so much

[59:36] more sense because like she's like okay this is like a

[59:40] cultural thing where it would be more important to you know

[59:44] marry off a daughter in the way that this film

[59:47] wants her to be married off uh but it's baffling

[59:50] in like sort of modern american context like it makes it makes

[59:55] far less sense to be like oh like why does everyone

[59:58] give a shit so much yeah

[1:00:00] based on our reactions yeah so she at least at this point uh let's the let's the other shoe drop

[1:00:06] and she reveals she has found a man mom you don't have to worry about me she says i got a man and

[1:00:13] your mom says and her mom says what's your man got to do with me and they it's they go on like

[1:00:17] they keep doing that her mother's like oh amazing i need to meet this man uh and lisa's like of

[1:00:24] course we can have dinner tomorrow and her mom's like no no no i have a plane booked in the

[1:00:28] afternoon that's that's strange uh i have a plane booked in the afternoon let's meet in the morning

[1:00:36] uh lisa's like oh that's that i can't do that obviously because prince at this point would be a

[1:00:40] dog let me state the rules um but then rita's like oh no uh we can we can change that booking

[1:00:46] because i guess rita's also her mother's travel agent yeah it's a needless complication the bluff

[1:00:53] she's kind of a jack-of-all-trades you get you kind of get the feeling that the mom is not

[1:00:56] the best at taking care of herself she gives a speech to lisa about how like

[1:01:00] i know i have a history of bad men and that's influenced you to be afraid of other men and

[1:01:05] things like she you know this mother is carrying a lot of carrying a lot of backstory baggage

[1:01:09] uh-huh uh and so but they agree to this dinner and we uh the dinner's held at a restaurant it's

[1:01:16] shot uh there's a lot of awkward scenes of people slowly eating their food there's a lot of

[1:01:20] synchronized fork movements as all four of the people at the table take a bite at the exact same

[1:01:25] time in between lines of dialogue the uh rita and lisa's mother are very aggressively pushing

[1:01:31] uh for information like what does he what does prince do for money uh and of course they have

[1:01:37] to they come up with a lie that they say at the exact same time and they both mess up uh lisa

[1:01:43] and rita's mother are lisa's mother and rita are trying to push for them to get married tomorrow

[1:01:50] uh at the license bureau i don't know this is i felt like this scene was uh you know kind of the

[1:01:56] center point of the movie okay oh yeah it was an intricate play of words and character moments and

[1:02:03] and there's a there's a feeling of like if if they aren't able to show up and get married at the

[1:02:10] courthouse tomorrow at 10 a.m that there's something clearly suspicious about uh about

[1:02:17] prince a man they just met uh the problem though is prince doesn't have an id he is undocumented

[1:02:23] or should i say undogumented you shouldn't say that uh i do love the idea that uh i do love

[1:02:30] there is the scene where uh where prince and lisa are in the car talking about their options

[1:02:36] and prince is like oh well we could just elope or we go to vegas and she's like prince you don't

[1:02:43] have an id oh that was great um yeah so obviously this is the uh i i like that they're exploring

[1:02:52] some of the challenges that this uh fantastical situation sets up oh yeah they thought it all out

[1:02:57] so now so now uh rita shows up so you know they they turn them down and rita shows up to the house

[1:03:06] uh and she has she has this like she shows up to lisa's house with a strange story it's like

[1:03:12] in the morning and she's like there's trouble with my car or like i got lost and i got dizzy

[1:03:20] and i need somebody to drive somebody to the airport it's and and uh it's the most obviously

[1:03:27] made up fake story that i've ever heard and lisa is is like okay well i guess the only option is

[1:03:34] for me to drive your car rita you stay here and prince i don't know uh stay here too but like

[1:03:43] the clock's ticking he's about to turn into a dog any moment which means this is like pre-dawn

[1:03:48] yeah yeah exactly uh this is this is after this is after he failed to show up to get married and

[1:03:54] then as a dog wandered off saying kung pao over and over again uh yeah yeah which fits into dan's

[1:04:02] theory that they just hired someone who had not seen the movie to just speak over the talk but

[1:04:06] okay so she's gonna leave and rita's there with prince so print like prince is nervous rita uh

[1:04:12] lisa leaves and prince turns around and rita is immediately searching the apartment she's tossing

[1:04:19] the apartment she then begins to like kind of attack prince to try and get information out of

[1:04:23] him find out where he works what he does he's too mysterious prince runs away while rita chases

[1:04:30] after him he starts to slowly morph into a dog and by more if i mean like a tail is sticking out

[1:04:36] of his pants he runs into a restaurant it's not exactly an american werewolf in london is what

[1:04:40] you're saying no he runs into a werewolf they only had uh time for one amazing dog transformation

[1:04:46] effect and that is later on in the movie uh he runs into a restroom in a restaurant uh rita

[1:04:52] chases after him and when she opens the door a dog runs out and there's a pile of clothes sitting in

[1:04:57] the corner uh rita talks to lisa and says you know i saw i saw prince turn into a dog and lisa's

[1:05:05] like you saw him turn into a dog and she's like that's the only explanation for it i didn't

[1:05:09] actually see it but come on man goes into a bathroom dog runs out clothes left behind either

[1:05:16] there's a naked man in the in the vents scott mcleod explained it that you your mind fills in

[1:05:22] between the panels what what if this turned into like took a sharp left turn into film noir at this

[1:05:28] point and rita just starts blackmailing uh them to not reveal that he's a dog i'll tell your mom

[1:05:34] that he's a dog if you don't that'd be that'd be one of those things like go ahead and no one's

[1:05:38] going to believe you it's crazy you can't take that chance lisa we can't take that chance we've

[1:05:43] got to give rita the money or kill rita and then uh he kills rita as he kill her as a man or as a

[1:05:50] dog because either way he could be out in public as the other form or does lisa do it and they're

[1:05:56] like uh lisa you should let me kill her because i would have more deniability because i could do it

[1:06:01] as a dog anyway they're on the run is the important thing and the police are on the lookout for a

[1:06:04] woman with a dog so they can only travel at night because she's not a woman with a dog at night she's

[1:06:09] a woman with a man i call it they live by night great uh we learned that in lisa's house that

[1:06:16] she has a drawer just full of uh various actors in the movies headshots uh that's odd uh so when

[1:06:24] she tells rita to get out of her life yeah i think she she tells rita to get out of her life

[1:06:29] and she approaches prince uh where she thinks the i think is it around now where she suggests

[1:06:36] to prince that uh that they need to have a baby together yeah it's at prince prince sings his

[1:06:43] immortal song i will never make my goal as he wanders the town going i will never make my goal

[1:06:50] i will never make my goal and then she says there's only one option we have to have a child

[1:06:56] and prince is distraught by this and lisa doesn't understand why she's like what what what could

[1:07:01] what could be causing all this trouble do you not love me and of course the reason is because

[1:07:06] he's a half man half dog like what do you he says like if you want a bouncing baby warg

[1:07:12] then yes maybe we can do this but yeah uh yeah they deal with a bunch of other basic relationship

[1:07:19] bullshit lisa starts to be a little emotionally manipulative and she uh she pressures uh she

[1:07:26] pressures prince into going to a work lunch uh her boss is throwing a work lunch on his veranda

[1:07:35] this is the owner of the store the owner of the store who we have not met before

[1:07:38] this is after uh i just want to make mention there's a little plot cul-de-sac as they're

[1:07:43] going to go together to see an exhibit of chinese fossil statues but no dogs allowed

[1:07:49] so prince is nervous about uh making any kind of plans during the afternoon but lisa's like no it's

[1:07:54] going to be it's going to be cloudy as soon as it's cloudy she commits she pressures prince into

[1:07:59] going with her she's like it's going to be cloudy with a chance of meatballs so even if you turn

[1:08:02] into a dog you'll love it so two things like this is it'll be this is apparently a new rule i didn't

[1:08:07] know that this was a sun-based transformation and not a day and night based transformation

[1:08:13] but also explain that part that if the sun is occluded by clouds yeah but also like we see them

[1:08:20] at this luncheon and uh you know it's pretty bright it's one of these cloudy days that's uh

[1:08:26] achieved by throwing a filter over the camera it's one of these cloudy days that's achieved by

[1:08:31] having the characters talk about how cloudy it is regardless of the surroundings which and what i

[1:08:35] love is that on this uh very cloudy day they've decided to still uh just fuck it let's eat outside

[1:08:43] yeah next to the pool on the veranda uh this scene has maybe the best dialogue in the whole

[1:08:49] movie just the the boss and his family talking it is so obviously written by someone who is

[1:08:56] not familiar with like american idioms necessarily uh he's complaining he's complaining about his

[1:09:02] kids where uh he's like he's like my kids don't have any interest in running the stores and his

[1:09:06] daughter says i'm a medical doctor uh and it's great and uh but he wants but he wants to promote

[1:09:15] lisa to manager yeah he says i'm thinking about promoting you and some of the other guys

[1:09:22] so he has this he has this whole plan uh and she's obviously very excited about this because

[1:09:27] it's a big promotion um and lunch wraps up prince is sitting at a side table with the son of the

[1:09:33] manager uh and lisa is walking around the other side of the pool uh you know hashing out some of

[1:09:40] the details i'm assuming when uh the sun comes out and prince immediately immediately anamorphs into

[1:09:46] a dog uh and and the kid shouts dad prince just became a dog and lisa falls in the pool she's so

[1:10:00] horrified and Prince saves her while being really verbally abusive and that's

[1:10:03] yeah other favorite line in the movie you pizza face cinder block that's no

[1:10:08] sense the now do you think she was in her head she's like if I make a big

[1:10:14] enough scene nobody's gonna notice that Prince just became a dog they'll just

[1:10:19] remember this as the day Lisa fell in the pool not the day Lisa's boyfriend

[1:10:23] turned into a dog okay so this scene wraps up as soon as the two of them

[1:10:29] climb out of the pool we don't know actually if there's any fallout we see

[1:10:34] them like kind of toying over the troubles of their relationship they're

[1:10:39] playing with a chair in Lisa's house that is a giant hand that I had not

[1:10:43] seen before it's basically the chair that uh that that Buster is sitting in

[1:10:48] in Arrested Development right that chair and this is when Prince explains that

[1:10:54] there's a might be another option to die and be reborn which Lisa is not up

[1:11:02] for for whatever reason I don't know what a wimp he leaves her a dear John

[1:11:06] note and he runs off it's written on green stationery or a green napkin she

[1:11:13] Lisa doesn't take it well Prince runs and talks to the pond he explains that

[1:11:18] you know it's just not gonna work out he's tried everything he could possibly

[1:11:22] think of and the pond's like what are you talking about why don't you guys

[1:11:25] just stay together and he's like oh yeah the pond's like you have to work out

[1:11:30] your problems and it's like at this point the pond is just that it's just

[1:11:34] Prince's like Wilson from Home Improvement mm-hmm like or Wilson from

[1:11:39] Castaway for that basic basically a magical therapist that you don't have to

[1:11:42] pay yeah oh if only but you do have to state your problems out loud in front of

[1:11:47] everybody at a park public park uh I I don't think the dog is speaking out loud

[1:11:52] I could be wrong so you're saying this is a telepathic pond Stewart some things

[1:11:56] push my push my accepted disbelief too far I can only suspend my disbelief so

[1:12:02] far magic pond with CGI glitter that turns men to dogs to teach him a lesson

[1:12:07] yes telepathic ponds I don't think so so the pond was the thing that turned him

[1:12:12] into a dog in the first place I mean that is unclear I mean it's I mean and

[1:12:17] you don't need an explanation Groundhog Day doesn't have an explanation right no

[1:12:21] I guess you're right you're right right because they cut out that scene where

[1:12:24] his ex-girlfriend casts a voodoo curse on him so maybe this and so I maybe she

[1:12:28] saw Groundhog Day and she was like well Harold Ramis can get away with it I can

[1:12:31] get away with it so Prince realizes that he was wrong Lisa runs out looking for

[1:12:37] Prince the two of them are running toward each other Prince crosses the

[1:12:41] road without looking both ways and unfortunately is hit and killed by a car

[1:12:46] now here's my question when they when they when she buries him in a box cuz

[1:12:50] he's a dog at night does his body turn into a man's body and break through the

[1:12:54] box and then like grow and shrink until he rots away forever I mean I feel like

[1:13:00] I feel like the real shame the almost cosmic shame is that when he is hit and

[1:13:06] killed that he doesn't he doesn't at least get the dignity to die as a man

[1:13:11] yes and also like I would have this scene would have been much less

[1:13:17] troubling if I saw the actor who was playing Prince on the ground covered in

[1:13:23] blood then a poor dog on the ground covered in blood like I don't want to

[1:13:27] see that ever no other the dog does look like a dog who is just taking a nap with

[1:13:32] some fake blood on his head mm-hmm he's not even playing dead he's not even on

[1:13:36] his back with his feet up in the air yeah okay here's the important point you

[1:13:44] gotta you gotta prepare the audience for what's coming next so it feels like

[1:13:48] the movie's over but no no no we get a new title card it says years later how

[1:13:55] many oh we'll find out now you might be expecting to like in the Bratz movie

[1:14:00] three four maybe oh boy expand your idea of what years later it can mean so we

[1:14:07] we have an exterior shot of Lisa's apartment it says apartment for rent

[1:14:12] what has happened we'll find out Paula arrives with a large family in tow who

[1:14:18] we learn later are her grandchildren and they're like adolescents they are it is

[1:14:26] a shocking revelation because she other than dressing slightly more dowdy she

[1:14:31] she just has a slight graying to her hair yeah as does Lisa the these elderly

[1:14:37] apparently want women are being designated just by they sprayed some

[1:14:42] silver into their hair it's like it's like when a kid plays an old person in a

[1:14:47] high school play and they just put flour in their hair like this is and do they

[1:14:52] specify that it's been 40 years I don't remember if they ever say the amount of

[1:14:57] time but it must be something like that so Paula and Lisa have have not talked

[1:15:03] since their friends breakup years ago they catch up a little bit obviously let

[1:15:08] bygones be bygones they sit in a strangely lit dark room where they're

[1:15:15] with heavy shadows and they Lisa has clearly revealed her her history and her

[1:15:23] relationship and all the magical properties of relationships with Prince

[1:15:28] and she's showing showing her the the photo album of murder photos that we

[1:15:34] had mentioned before and and the pictures of her with Prince as a man are

[1:15:38] on alternate pages with the pictures of her with Prince as a dog so they start

[1:15:47] to speculate now like what are the rules if he died then perhaps he is

[1:15:52] reincarnated and she could just find him again how many years has it been would

[1:15:57] it be a dog years or man years Paula says no his age would restart from the

[1:16:04] day he died he'd be much younger than you and she says that as if like well

[1:16:08] that's common knowledge come on Lisa how do you know that but Lisa hadn't even

[1:16:11] considered that possibility her mind is blown we then haven't we have a new

[1:16:18] scene where a young man arrives at the apartment for rent yeah at first his

[1:16:25] face is obscured who could this young man be with tussled hair although his

[1:16:30] hair is different in this scene his hair is different because he's I guess a

[1:16:35] different kind of dog yeah we find out that is young that is Prince Prince's

[1:16:41] return from the dead and he is exactly the same age as he used to be except his

[1:16:45] hair is different and he has full memories of his life he explains that he

[1:16:49] has a successful career as huh you guessed it a dog trainer and he's like

[1:16:54] did you put that notice in the paper that your apartment was for rent to

[1:16:58] catch my attention and she's like yes and it seems there would be a much more

[1:17:02] straightforward way to try to contact somebody then to be like I'll put my

[1:17:06] apartment for rent and I'll just hope they show up well also she's like why

[1:17:09] didn't you find me earlier and he's he basically just like you don't want to

[1:17:12] know and the movie just hand waves it away so they are they they embrace

[1:17:24] magical dust falls from the sky they spin around in circles and they are

[1:17:31] getting married in her I guess backyard but what happens to Prince's hair

[1:17:35] princess head Prince's hair gets old and gray but then as they spin around they

[1:17:41] both get young again it's very strange we have a scene before they got young

[1:17:47] again by the way like when it just looked like he was gonna get old I was

[1:17:50] very worried about his dog training business because I figured that he would

[1:17:55] go back try and take you know like take his rightful place as the head of this

[1:18:02] business maybe like get out of here old man you don't own this business anyway

[1:18:07] yeah sure yeah and that the dogs would be like you used to smell like young

[1:18:13] people things but now you spell smell like gold bond powder and metamucil get

[1:18:18] out of here yeah because in the 40 years in the future people will still be using

[1:18:22] those two products I mean possibly I also imagine that he turns old and he's

[1:18:28] like what did you do to me you stole my life away I didn't get to grow old I I

[1:18:33] died remember you've just stolen years off my life and Lisa's like but now we

[1:18:37] can be together and he's like get away from me you old lady runs away but no

[1:18:42] they both get young again right as they married yeah so we have a scene of them

[1:18:45] like in in like a backyard that is dressed up for a wedding if they spin

[1:18:52] around in circles as magic dust drops on their head and they awkwardly kiss in a

[1:18:56] repetitive manner and it looks kind of like a loading screen and that they they

[1:19:01] smile at the camera like a couple of sinister vampires and then we get of

[1:19:06] course the the end title card so that was love on a leash guys so I miss

[1:19:11] anything else well there's there's not bloops per se but there are some things

[1:19:16] during the credits just showing the dog training I guess a brief moment of dog

[1:19:21] training when I realized oh most of the times when there's no where the sound

[1:19:25] just cut out completely they were just awkwardly editing out the dog training

[1:19:30] commands they were directing the dog during those moments this is a movie

[1:19:35] that I feel like we somehow only but even though we went through it in

[1:19:39] extreme detail only scratched the surface of how strange and off-putting

[1:19:44] we put together it is amateurishly made it is we barely talked about the the

[1:19:48] symbolism of the green and pink color choices and how between almost every

[1:19:54] scene the transition shot is the same footage of ducks on the pond no matter

[1:19:58] how far away we are

[1:20:00] from the pond at that moment.

[1:20:01] That's just like how we transition

[1:20:03] from one scene to another with that image of ducks.

[1:20:05] Yeah, it is baffling to me

[1:20:07] that this is available on Amazon Prime.

[1:20:10] Like, I know that they just go out

[1:20:12] and get as much content as they can

[1:20:15] to have this huge library,

[1:20:17] but whatever small licensing fee was paid

[1:20:21] for Love on a Leash, it's just crazy

[1:20:24] that this is widely available to basically the whole world.

[1:20:28] It feels like this movie was made partly as a scam,

[1:20:32] and that's why there's no set,

[1:20:33] like a scam intending to make a feature-length film

[1:20:36] that can be chopped up into smaller segments

[1:20:39] and used as the video,

[1:20:41] background video for karaoke videos.

[1:20:44] Yeah, you know what, that's what it feels like.

[1:20:46] It feels like a feature-length adaptation

[1:20:48] of a karaoke video, yeah.

[1:20:50] All right, so I think we're in it already,

[1:20:52] but is this a good, bad movie,

[1:20:54] a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kinda like?

[1:20:56] This is called Final Judgments.

[1:20:58] Okay, oh, wow.

[1:21:00] Yeah, this is a good, bad movie.

[1:21:02] It's totally crazy.

[1:21:05] Yeah, I agree.

[1:21:06] I mean, you do have to suffer through

[1:21:08] some awkward scenes of attempted sexual assault,

[1:21:12] but they are very fast.

[1:21:13] The rest of it is so fucking weird

[1:21:17] that it's worth checking out

[1:21:19] if you're into that kind of thing.

[1:21:21] I would say every scene that touches on a hot-button issue

[1:21:23] or a traumatic thing is handled

[1:21:25] in such a strangely ham-handed and unnatural way

[1:21:31] that hopefully it would dull the impact of them,

[1:21:35] because certainly the characters seem to exist

[1:21:37] in a literally soundless void

[1:21:41] where emotions make no sense,

[1:21:42] actions have little to no consequences,

[1:21:45] and you are never more than a minute away

[1:21:47] from a dog singing a song about nothing.

[1:21:49] Yeah.

[1:21:50] It's, yeah, it's, like, it can be a grueling journey

[1:21:55] if you were to take this on your own.

[1:21:57] Like, I don't recommend anyone

[1:21:58] just sitting down and popping this in,

[1:22:01] but, yeah, I feel like it would be a fun party movie.

[1:22:10] Genre film fans, hear me.

[1:22:12] I know you're out there.

[1:22:13] Do not be ashamed of your love for gore,

[1:22:16] action, sci-fi, or fantasy.

[1:22:18] It's time to come out of the shadows,

[1:22:20] because on Switchblade Sisters,

[1:22:21] we celebrate our love for genre films.

[1:22:23] I'm film critic April Wolf.

[1:22:25] Each week, I have a conversation

[1:22:26] with a different female filmmaker

[1:22:28] about their fave genre film,

[1:22:29] and we cover film craft, getting projects off the ground,

[1:22:32] working with actors, and our general love for genre movies.

[1:22:35] I've had so many great guests, like Heather Graham.

[1:22:37] In the past, it's like so many films are made by men

[1:22:40] that the female point of view is not always respected,

[1:22:43] which is why all these stories haven't come out till now.

[1:22:45] Jennifer's body director, Karin Kusama.

[1:22:47] I think there's a lot more fantasy

[1:22:49] and a lot more expectation projected onto a woman director.

[1:22:53] Comedian and actor, Cate Verlaine.

[1:22:55] I mean, it sounds so cheesy to talk about it in yourself.

[1:22:58] Like, you just keep going.

[1:22:59] You know, I'm just a vessel.

[1:23:00] Like, I just do it, you know?

[1:23:02] I don't think, but, like, that is what it is.

[1:23:05] And many others, so check out Switchblade Sisters

[1:23:07] every Thursday on MaximumFun.org

[1:23:09] or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:23:14] Hey, thanks for coming.

[1:23:16] Thank you.

[1:23:17] These are real podcast listeners, not actors.

[1:23:20] We took the identifying marks off this podcast.

[1:23:23] Just tell me your impressions.

[1:23:26] It's really sexy.

[1:23:27] My first thought is, like, Radiolab?

[1:23:29] Definitely something popular.

[1:23:31] Yeah, really popular.

[1:23:32] A hit show.

[1:23:33] But funny, too.

[1:23:35] Like, does Tina Fey have a podcast?

[1:23:37] Or the Marx Brothers?

[1:23:38] Yeah, is this podcast Radiolab,

[1:23:40] but hosted by the Marx Brothers?

[1:23:42] And sexy, like Sade?

[1:23:44] It reminds me of Sade.

[1:23:45] Exactly, and they're all riding in a BMW.

[1:23:49] Close, but not quite.

[1:23:52] Take a look behind these panels.

[1:23:56] And then watch this rocket blast off into space.

[1:24:01] And there's the pies we made you.

[1:24:04] Now, let's show you the podcast.

[1:24:09] Wow, it was Jordan Jessy Go.

[1:24:10] Jordan Jessy Go?

[1:24:11] Hold on.

[1:24:16] Whoa, thank goodness.

[1:24:17] That was 514 JD Power and Associates Podcasting Awards.

[1:24:22] That was really scary.

[1:24:24] But compelling.

[1:24:25] I guess I should definitely subscribe

[1:24:26] to Jordan Jessy Go.

[1:24:28] Um, yeah, I'd say so.

[1:24:32] Jordan Jessy Go, a real podcast.

[1:24:38] All right, guys, let's move on to our sponsors.

[1:24:41] The Flophouse.

[1:24:42] What is the book on this love on a leash?

[1:24:44] Yeah, The Flophouse is brought to you in part

[1:24:46] by Arm & Hammer Cloud Control Cat Litter.

[1:24:50] You know what I love?

[1:24:52] Army Hammer?

[1:24:53] Army Hammer, and also my cat, Archie.

[1:24:57] He's-

[1:24:58] Archie Hammer.

[1:24:58] He's a delight, Stuart knows it.

[1:25:02] Archie loves me, but adores Stuart.

[1:25:05] Whenever he comes over,

[1:25:07] Archie will be all over him,

[1:25:09] pushing his face into Stuart's.

[1:25:12] How did this ad for cat litter turn

[1:25:14] into a passive-aggressive attack

[1:25:15] on Archie's preference for Stuart?

[1:25:19] I wouldn't say preference.

[1:25:21] He's happy to see Stuart,

[1:25:23] because Stuart's not around as much.

[1:25:24] I don't know.

[1:25:25] So is this an ad for Stuart?

[1:25:26] Like you should get Stuart for your cats?

[1:25:28] I'm just talking-

[1:25:29] I mean, I don't think it's a bad idea.

[1:25:30] I'm just talking about how lovable Archie is

[1:25:33] to set up the fact that, you know,

[1:25:36] as lovable as Archie is-

[1:25:36] That at night he turns into a man.

[1:25:39] As lovable as Archie is,

[1:25:41] it's not a fun thing to clean up after him,

[1:25:45] to handle his poop and his congealed pee.

[1:25:51] But that's why Arm & Hammer-

[1:25:54] Dan, I don't think you're cleaning it up fast enough.

[1:25:57] If it's congealing.

[1:25:58] That's what litter does.

[1:25:59] It, you know, clumps it up.

[1:26:01] Which is why Arm & Hammer created

[1:26:03] new cloud control litter.

[1:26:04] No cloud of nasties here.

[1:26:06] It is 100% dust free,

[1:26:08] free of heavy perfumes,

[1:26:10] and it helps reduce airborne dander from scooping.

[1:26:13] So what happens in the litter box,

[1:26:15] stays in the litter box.

[1:26:16] So does it have a feature in there

[1:26:18] that when the cat is done using the box,

[1:26:21] it doesn't immediately run away screaming?

[1:26:25] Is that a thing that cats do?

[1:26:26] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:26:26] Cats were like, as soon as they finished,

[1:26:28] they like run off and make-

[1:26:29] Well, I mean, my cats make-

[1:26:30] Screaming?

[1:26:31] Well, my cats make-

[1:26:32] Yeah, because they're ashamed of what they've done.

[1:26:33] My cats are very vocal.

[1:26:34] Okay, well, just to finish this-

[1:26:37] Oh, it's more like when someone yells,

[1:26:38] like, mail call at an Army base,

[1:26:41] your cat's just like, poop here,

[1:26:43] order the poop, poop up.

[1:26:45] Just to finish this read,

[1:26:46] new cloud control cat litter by Arm & Hammer,

[1:26:49] more power to you.

[1:26:52] So should we do some plugs for ourselves?

[1:26:57] Yeah, why not?

[1:26:58] Oh, wait, should we do, sorry, Jumbotrons.

[1:26:59] We've got some Jumbotrons.

[1:27:00] I forgot.

[1:27:01] Let's do Jumbotrons, Dan.

[1:27:01] I know you're sick,

[1:27:02] and also you turn into a dog at night.

[1:27:04] So you kind of forgot the Jumbotrons.

[1:27:06] Let's do Jumbotrons.

[1:27:07] Okay, J-J-J-Jumbotrons.

[1:27:11] Did you ever wish there was a movie review podcast

[1:27:14] that reviewed insane role-playing games

[1:27:17] from history instead of movies?

[1:27:19] No?

[1:27:20] Shoot, that's $200 wasted.

[1:27:23] Jeff and John examine the oddities of RPG history

[1:27:27] and somehow get real personal about it too

[1:27:30] on System Mastery.

[1:27:32] They've already reviewed more than 150 different games

[1:27:36] from the 70s to today,

[1:27:38] and new episodes come out every two weeks.

[1:27:41] So check out the System Mastery podcast on iTunes or Stitcher

[1:27:46] or just visit systemmasterypodcast.com.

[1:27:50] If you're like me, a real RPG freak.

[1:27:56] This Jumbotron message is for Holly,

[1:27:59] the best mom in the world, and it's from Melissa.

[1:28:01] I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly.

[1:28:02] And the message is,

[1:28:03] hi, mom, by the time you hear this,

[1:28:05] you'll be breast cancer-free.

[1:28:06] To celebrate your recovery,

[1:28:08] I got you a message from the Peaches.

[1:28:09] I'm so thankful and so blessed to have a mother like you

[1:28:12] and so happy you're healthy again.

[1:28:13] Hopefully, Elliot won't sing a letter song

[1:28:16] because I know you don't like them, even though I do.

[1:28:18] Love, your daughter, Melissa.

[1:28:20] I feel like now I have to not sing a letter song.

[1:28:22] It feels like it would be, you know, I don't know.

[1:28:25] Guys, or should I just go against

[1:28:28] what this person likes or doesn't like?

[1:28:29] Anyway, it doesn't matter.

[1:28:31] I'm glad that you-

[1:28:32] You're asking our preferences on this one?

[1:28:34] Yeah.

[1:28:36] Good point, good point.

[1:28:37] I shouldn't ask.

[1:28:38] Holly, I'm so glad you're healthy, too,

[1:28:39] and that's wonderful.

[1:28:41] What a nice message.

[1:28:43] All right. Two lovely messages.

[1:28:45] Time for plugs.

[1:28:47] Yep.

[1:28:48] We've still got some live shows coming up.

[1:28:50] Elliot, why don't you tell us about those if you can?

[1:28:52] That's right.

[1:28:53] The day this episode comes out, I believe,

[1:28:56] will be September 28th, 2019.

[1:28:58] We'll be in ba-ba-ba Boston,

[1:29:00] or technically ba-ba-ba Brookline,

[1:29:02] at WBUR City Space.

[1:29:04] We're doing two shows.

[1:29:05] The 7 p.m. show, Alita, Battle Angel, is sold out.

[1:29:08] But the 9.45 p.m., Godzilla, King of the Monsters,

[1:29:11] I think we still have some tickets available.

[1:29:13] So come on down September 28th.

[1:29:15] Come on down tonight if you're listening to this

[1:29:17] on the day of release and hear us talk about

[1:29:19] the King of the Monsters.

[1:29:21] That's right, Alita, but also Godzilla.

[1:29:24] On October 12th, a few weeks later,

[1:29:27] we'll be in Los Angeles at the Regent Theater

[1:29:29] talking about Dark Phoenix.

[1:29:31] So September 28th, today,

[1:29:34] try and come see our Boston Late Show.

[1:29:35] The early show is sold out.

[1:29:37] October 12th, Los Angeles, come and see us talk.

[1:29:40] And those tickets are available

[1:29:41] at flophousepodcast.com slash events.

[1:29:45] I will say for Boston, we do PowerPoints before each show.

[1:29:49] I will have two new presentations, one for each show.

[1:29:53] So if you wanna see two new ones for Boston

[1:29:55] that I will probably never do again

[1:29:56] because they are incredibly Boston-specific,

[1:30:00] Oh, and Elliot, I know you were worried about this, on the last episode you said we'll probably be signing before each show.

[1:30:08] We haven't confirmed with the venue that that's okay because of the tight schedule, but if it does happen, it will be before each show.

[1:30:15] Yeah, so just give yourself a little bit of time in case we're signing merchandise.

[1:30:20] We will hopefully have time to do that.

[1:30:23] But yeah, I didn't want to make any promises that I couldn't keep.

[1:30:25] I didn't want to write any checks my body couldn't cash.

[1:30:28] With that body? I don't think there are any checks it couldn't cash, Elliot.

[1:30:31] Oh, wow.

[1:30:32] I mean, big checks because it's a very small body.

[1:30:35] Wow, Dan's really bigging us up today. He's talking about my cat magic and your bod.

[1:30:42] My body magic, yeah.

[1:30:44] Oh, did I tell you guys about my new self-help book, Body Magic?

[1:30:47] No, what's it about?

[1:30:49] Well, a lot of us forget that we're not just a person, we're also a body, and inside every body is magic.

[1:30:55] Oh, no kidding.

[1:30:57] It's all about unlocking the magic inside you.

[1:30:59] For instance, Dan, what would you tell me?

[1:31:01] If I said, Dan, there's magic inside you, what would you say?

[1:31:06] I would say, get that shit out of me, man.

[1:31:09] Oh, that's weird.

[1:31:11] That's not the reaction I was hoping for from the people that I wanted to sell the book to.

[1:31:16] I was hoping more of an excitement and celebration that there's magic inside you.

[1:31:21] No, I don't want that in there.

[1:31:22] Maybe I shouldn't release the book.

[1:31:23] Who knows what it's doing?

[1:31:25] Let's just move on to the next segment, then.

[1:31:26] I've got to talk to the publisher.

[1:31:27] I think we made a big mistake.

[1:31:29] So, the next segment is letters from listeners.

[1:31:31] I mean, you just took a small sample of your target audience and got a negative response.

[1:31:37] I feel like you could spread that around a little more.

[1:31:40] I don't know.

[1:31:40] Well, Stuart, what would you say if I said you have magic inside your body?

[1:31:43] I'd go, ah, get it out of me.

[1:31:45] Okay, this is not good.

[1:31:47] So far, 100% in my poll said, don't want the magic in them.

[1:31:51] Oh, boy.

[1:31:53] So, moving on to letters from listeners.

[1:31:55] First letter we have received is from Tucker, last name withheld.

[1:32:00] Carlson must die?

[1:32:02] My question for you is...

[1:32:05] Wait.

[1:32:05] Tucker, no, it's not Carlson.

[1:32:07] Tucker Carlson is dead.

[1:32:08] I mean, I would prefer if he was not on television, but I would not like to beat death on anybody.

[1:32:13] You're thinking of, was it Tucker, what was that movie?

[1:32:17] John Tucker must die, is that it?

[1:32:19] No, I don't think so.

[1:32:20] That's John Dies at the End that I think you're thinking of.

[1:32:23] Let's just assume that my booze-addled brain has messed this one up, and hopefully not gotten us into legal trouble.

[1:32:30] I just want to say that Stuart is not in any way...

[1:32:34] It was John Tucker must die, you're right.

[1:32:37] Stuart is not in any way advocating the death of somebody he disagrees with politically, I assume.

[1:32:43] I'm not advocating that?

[1:32:44] Well, yeah, I'm not advocating that at all.

[1:32:46] No, I just clearly messed up movie titles.

[1:32:50] All right, well, anyway, Tucker, last thing withheld, maybe...

[1:32:54] So why wasn't it that John Tucker had to die?

[1:32:56] I don't understand.

[1:32:57] Yeah, Dan, what happened in the movie?

[1:32:58] He was dating three women at the same time, and they all found out.

[1:33:03] Oh, so you're saying Archie Andrews is just one woman away from having to die.

[1:33:07] That's true, yeah.

[1:33:08] Good day, Peaches.

[1:33:10] My question for you is this.

[1:33:12] What are the Peaches' Desert Island discs?

[1:33:15] In other words, if the Flappers got cast away, which three albums would they hope to find in a FedEx box washed up on shore?

[1:33:22] Or, if Dan decides that would take too long, which one album would you listen to with an anthropomorphized volleyball?

[1:33:29] And also, he has a PS here for Melitalica and other metalheads of the house.

[1:33:39] I mean, I would go to Stu first, but I guess both of you.

[1:33:42] I want to recommend a solid thrash record made by Australia's premier weirdos, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard,

[1:33:48] titled Infest the Rat's Nest.

[1:33:54] Half despair over the inevitable environmental calamities to come,

[1:33:58] half narrative about some earthlings who get exiled to Venus,

[1:34:02] one whole bunch of catchy thrash tunes.

[1:34:06] But that's just a side recommendation.

[1:34:09] I didn't know we were at recommendations already.

[1:34:12] Well, I mean...

[1:34:13] Okay, Dan, what are your Desert Island discs?

[1:34:16] Pick three or die.

[1:34:19] Abbey Road, my favorite of the Beatles' albums and a nostalgic favorite because I listened to it in college a lot.

[1:34:26] Yeah, that's when it came out, right?

[1:34:28] Okay, shut up.

[1:34:30] I'm not that old.

[1:34:31] Speaking in Tongues by Talking Heads.

[1:34:35] It hits front to back.

[1:34:37] I know a lot of people like a little nervier, earlier stuff,

[1:34:41] but I feel like this is kind of a good balance between the nervy stuff

[1:34:46] and the sort of world beat stuff that came later, the funkier stuff.

[1:34:52] And Fox Confessor Brings the Flood by Nico Case,

[1:34:56] who started out kind of as an alt-country person

[1:34:59] and then just became undefinable and wonderful and weird.

[1:35:04] She's got such a beautiful voice.

[1:35:06] I love it.

[1:35:07] Those are mine.

[1:35:08] Uh-huh.

[1:35:09] Elliot?

[1:35:10] I think I would want to have Judas Priest Unleashed in the East.

[1:35:14] Their kind of live album.

[1:35:16] There's a lot of extra studio stuff added,

[1:35:18] which has some of my favorite versions of some of their songs.

[1:35:20] Then I think I'd go to the...

[1:35:22] I have a Judas thing on there.

[1:35:23] I guess I have to have a Jesus thing on there.

[1:35:25] That's right, the original album of Jesus Christ Superstar.

[1:35:27] Not the Broadway cast album.

[1:35:29] The original concept album before it was a stage show.

[1:35:33] And then I think maybe a recording

[1:35:36] of the radio series of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,

[1:35:39] the first one.

[1:35:40] That sounds great.

[1:35:42] Those all are technically discs.

[1:35:44] I don't know.

[1:35:46] I'd probably, let's say,

[1:35:48] I'll do Those Ones Loyal by Bolt Thrower

[1:35:52] for obvious reasons.

[1:35:55] I do, I don't know,

[1:36:01] Awaken the Guardian by Fate's Warning once again

[1:36:05] because that's a really awesome album of tunes.

[1:36:09] And then finally, Hysteria by Def Leppard.

[1:36:11] An album that's back-to-back bangers, baby.

[1:36:15] That's a lot of alliteration.

[1:36:17] You must really love it.

[1:36:19] Oh yeah.

[1:36:21] Alright, well this next letter

[1:36:23] is from Aaron, last name withheld.

[1:36:25] Pardon me.

[1:36:27] Who writes,

[1:36:29] I caught on some startling news

[1:36:31] that shook my entire world.

[1:36:33] While watching a YouTube video,

[1:36:35] they made a passing joke about a band

[1:36:37] from Star Wars called the Jizz Whalers.

[1:36:39] Well, hold on.

[1:36:41] The band is called Figrin De Ann and the Modal Nodes

[1:36:43] and they are Jizz Whalers, yes.

[1:36:45] Yeah.

[1:36:47] Cool.

[1:36:49] Yeah.

[1:36:51] Beloved characters such as Max Rebo

[1:36:53] and Figrin De Ann

[1:36:55] use jizz boxes to partake in jizz.

[1:36:57] Have you ever learned something

[1:36:59] about a movie, whether it be

[1:37:01] lore choices

[1:37:03] or even real life facts

[1:37:05] that change your view

[1:37:07] on a movie that you enjoy?

[1:37:09] And also,

[1:37:11] how do I go on in life

[1:37:13] knowing this terrible piece of trivia?

[1:37:15] Yours truly, Aaron, last name withheld.

[1:37:17] Well, with that kind of trivia

[1:37:19] you could just like, I don't know,

[1:37:21] be on a podcast and make references to it

[1:37:23] because it's a way to say jizz a lot.

[1:37:25] Which is one of the most popular

[1:37:27] musical styles in the universe, yes.

[1:37:31] I don't know, like,

[1:37:33] I remember watching,

[1:37:35] I saw the movie

[1:37:37] Serenity, not the one

[1:37:39] for the podcast, but the one

[1:37:41] based on the Firefly TV show.

[1:37:43] I saw that in the theater

[1:37:45] long before I ever actually

[1:37:47] watched the TV show.

[1:37:49] So then going back and watching the TV show

[1:37:51] made me like the movie more.

[1:37:53] That's kind of like a lore choice.

[1:37:55] It's like,

[1:37:57] I had context for the events

[1:37:59] of the movie and I liked the movie more.

[1:38:01] And it made me feel bad when

[1:38:03] something bad happens

[1:38:05] to one specific character.

[1:38:07] Uh, okay.

[1:38:09] That's how you don't spoil something, Dan.

[1:38:13] I'm dubious about that

[1:38:15] fitting into the category that this guy...

[1:38:17] Uh oh, it's time

[1:38:19] for a new segment called Dan McCoy Letter Judge.

[1:38:23] Letter Judge Dan McCoy,

[1:38:25] allow it.

[1:38:27] On the stand, the Honorable Dan McCoy,

[1:38:29] the guy who chooses the letters and sends

[1:38:31] them to us too late for us to really

[1:38:33] think about them much ahead of time.

[1:38:35] The defendant,

[1:38:37] Stuart Wellington, he's just trying to answer the question.

[1:38:39] A question that, my apologies

[1:38:41] to the letter writer, was not super clear to me.

[1:38:43] Making the noises,

[1:38:45] Elliot Kalin, a guy who likes

[1:38:47] to talk and hear himself talk,

[1:38:49] even though his voice is objectively annoying.

[1:38:51] How will Judge Dan McCoy rule?

[1:38:53] The only way to find out is to listen on

[1:38:55] Judge Dan McCoy Letter Judge.

[1:38:57] Bum bum bum!

[1:38:59] So, uh,

[1:39:01] So, uh, your honor, your honor,

[1:39:03] do you think I, uh,

[1:39:05] answered that question correctly?

[1:39:07] Uh, I'm gonna have

[1:39:09] to rule. Oh, why are you making a face?

[1:39:11] Do you not like my accent choice?

[1:39:13] Well, I don't know why you're playing yourself,

[1:39:15] but you added an accent.

[1:39:17] Oh, because I'm little Stuart Wellington.

[1:39:19] That doesn't, you just repeated

[1:39:21] your name. I don't think that was a justification.

[1:39:23] No, I added a little in front.

[1:39:25] I object. That's right, it's me, Phoenix Wright.

[1:39:27] The famous fictional character.

[1:39:29] And I'm objecting.

[1:39:31] I hope he's, uh, I hope he's representing

[1:39:33] me. I'm gonna have to

[1:39:35] represent Stuart on this one. Your honor,

[1:39:37] I object. You are clearly biased in this

[1:39:39] case. Instead, I'm gonna take this all the way to

[1:39:41] the highest court in the land, literally.

[1:39:43] It's time for Marijuana Court, starring

[1:39:45] Judge Dan McCoy. Dan,

[1:39:47] you have to get high for this part. Done.

[1:39:49] I will.

[1:39:51] I'm gonna move along

[1:39:53] because I'm sick and I want to have

[1:39:55] this terror end.

[1:39:57] Well, I did not have a great answer

[1:39:59] for that question.

[1:40:00] Anyway, but you Dan no, well, I would say that the the closest I can think of is when I learned when I had learned

[1:40:07] that something

[1:40:09] Bad happened on set it will affect my like like death proof for instance is a movie that a lot of people

[1:40:17] Rank as Quentin Tarantino's worse, but I I actually have a lot of fondness for it as like this weird

[1:40:23] hangout movie that turns into this like deconstruction of a horror movie, but

[1:40:30] But to learn that like Uma Thurman almost died because of negligence on the set is not great

[1:40:36] Especially yeah, especially strange that she almost died on the set of death proof since she's not in the film. Oh shit

[1:40:41] What am I thinking of you think of kill bill?

[1:40:43] Quentin starring their car movies. That's why I like associated them ahead

[1:40:48] But that no I understand

[1:40:49] I think in a way the idea of him following up a movie where he almost killed an actress due to his negligence

[1:40:54] Yeah

[1:40:55] Thank you for saving me then makes a movie about a guy with a

[1:41:00] Car where the person could never be injured if he's driving it properly

[1:41:05] Then killing people with that car is yeah

[1:41:08] And then he also puts his he puts Zoe is it Zoe Bell?

[1:41:12] Yeah in grave danger in one of one of the craziest car chases in movie history

[1:41:18] Yeah, all right

[1:41:19] Well, and but then also talks a lot about how will we use real stunts?

[1:41:23] We use real cars to to it's like he's daring fate

[1:41:26] It's like a final destination thing where it's like mmm Tony Todd

[1:41:30] You were too much of a whip to kill Uma Thurman on the set of my last movie. Will you kill Zoe Bell in this one?

[1:41:36] Yeah, all right. So since my brain obviously failed me there

[1:41:39] I'm just gonna switch over to helped to Twilight Zone the movie where people actually did die and

[1:41:45] I enjoyed much as a kid because it was on HBO constantly, but then I learned about that and I'm like well

[1:41:51] Maybe I'll just skip to the better segments

[1:41:55] and

[1:41:56] Ignore the rest and I mean and that also like colors my feelings toward all John Landis movie. Yeah

[1:42:04] very talented

[1:42:06] Comedy director, but I yeah, he's he's obviously

[1:42:10] Not a great person to say the least

[1:42:13] So the yet it it hurts it whenever I'm when I mean, especially loving old movies as I do. There's everyone has a

[1:42:20] Like there's it's hard to find someone who is involved in

[1:42:24] Anything that doesn't have something negative in their background, even if it's just learning like what a right-wing

[1:42:31] pro

[1:42:33] Blacklist person Barbara Stanwyck was or something like that

[1:42:36] you know

[1:42:36] they're all these these actors and actresses and

[1:42:38] Filmmakers that I see their movies and I'm like delightful and then I learned behind the scenes like well

[1:42:42] They they were on the wrong side of that one. Oh boy. Okay. Wow, whoo. Yikes

[1:42:48] Whoo Wow, oh boy, well

[1:42:52] Okay. Wow gonna have to okay. Well forget. Oh, well, okay, so that's all right. Great. I think I think

[1:43:00] You might want to reboot

[1:43:03] Yep, yep, he's he's too hot

[1:43:06] His processor is just so it's way too. He's just doing like the background noises from

[1:43:12] sub-block tango

[1:43:17] Enough of this, all right

[1:43:20] So the last letters from Ray last name withheld who says hello gentlemen

[1:43:25] So I was mindlessly watching the Sorcerer's Apprentice the other night and it came to the scene where Nicolas Cage delivers the line

[1:43:32] So unless you I thought you I thought you I thought you said the sorcerer is a princess and I'm like what a much

[1:43:38] better movie that would

[1:43:41] It came to the scene where Nicolas Cage delivers the line

[1:43:44] So unless you want him to turn you into a pig who just loves physics

[1:43:48] And I thought that was the best line in this whole bad movie. You got me thinking. What's your favorite line or delivery?

[1:43:55] No, Elliot. I'm not referring to a postal scene in a otherwise. He's got me. He's got me

[1:44:02] I love plays on words except when Dan's tweeting though

[1:44:06] Army of darkness is arguably a bad movie. I will argue with you only worth watching for the multitude of ash isms

[1:44:12] Thanks, Ray last name withheld. Was it uh, was it in that Red Riding Hood movie where Gary Oldman has that line delivery?

[1:44:19] He's just like no

[1:44:22] It's like somebody's asked if he can touch a sword. He's like

[1:44:34] Yeah, yeah where he like goes full

[1:44:37] F. Marie Abraham in it. This is not a bad movie

[1:44:40] but for me like in terms of line delivery one of my favorite line deliveries that we've

[1:44:45] We've referenced on the show before is from romancing the stone where at the end

[1:44:50] one of the bad guys goes

[1:44:52] Joan Wilder

[1:44:54] you and your sister

[1:44:58] Can go

[1:45:00] It's so funny

[1:45:03] It's the one it's hard cuz I there's so many line deliveries from things where I

[1:45:07] Am like, oh that was amazing. And then I go back and rewatch the moment. I'm like, oh, that's not that

[1:45:11] It's actually not that exciting

[1:45:13] there's a

[1:45:14] So I don't want to pick one and then go back and look at it again and be like, oh well that I really built that

[1:45:19] Up in my mind

[1:45:21] Yeah, so let's just say you mentioned it was Cajun Sorcerer's Apprentice. I'm gonna say whenever Nicolas Cage was in a bad movie

[1:45:26] I love every line that he delivers

[1:45:27] Yeah

[1:45:29] All right. Well

[1:45:30] That letter may have ended in a whimper, but don't worry

[1:45:35] We have one more segment on the show and that is

[1:45:39] recommendations of movies

[1:45:42] That you should watch

[1:45:43] Probably instead of love unleashed unless you are a bad movie fan, which case why not watch both?

[1:45:50] Stewart do you have a recommendation? I do

[1:45:53] I'm gonna recommend a movie that is I think just wrapping up its limited theatrical run

[1:45:58] But it also just popped up on the streaming service Shudder

[1:46:02] I'm recommending the movie whose English title is Tigers are not afraid

[1:46:07] It's a Spanish language movie shot in Mexico, I believe

[1:46:12] And it's a bit of a like a dark fairy tale

[1:46:16] with horror elements about it follows a group of

[1:46:20] Street children who have been orphaned by the like drug war and the human trafficking

[1:46:27] That seems to plague their city and

[1:46:30] the

[1:46:31] Children have like kind of a like a rich

[1:46:35] Like internal fantasy that tries to cover up some of the horrors that they experience

[1:46:41] and

[1:46:43] Yeah, it's just it's a lot of fun. The performances of these children are great

[1:46:48] It's scary at times. It's yeah, it's it's a I found it to be a really affecting

[1:46:54] short little movie

[1:46:56] Check it out if you can

[1:46:59] I finally got to see a movie that I'd want to see for a long time, which is Paris is burning the documentary from 1990

[1:47:06] By director by Jenny Livingston. That's about the ball scene of the late 80s in New York kind of underground ball scene that the

[1:47:14] mostly gay mostly non-white

[1:47:17] community would throw on to

[1:47:21] kind of

[1:47:22] Perform different roles

[1:47:24] in us in semi-public in front it public in the community in order to like win different competitions and as a way of expressing

[1:47:31] different fantasies of

[1:47:34] being part of the larger culture that they had been shut out of and

[1:47:38] they do a really good job of like just bringing you into this scene and

[1:47:42] Introducing you to a bunch of the important people in it and also using that as a lens to show you how

[1:47:48] Kind of screwed up the mainstream white straight culture of the 1980s and I assume today still is

[1:47:55] it's it's

[1:47:56] overt kind of emphasis on money and fame and fashion and surface at the expense of

[1:48:05] really understanding people underneath that surface and

[1:48:08] the tensions that

[1:48:10] These that the performers involved in the ball scene have to put up with in being

[1:48:15] Wanting to be a part of that larger world and yet being shut out of it and trying to recreate it

[1:48:19] I just thought it was really fantastic and very

[1:48:25] You know just powerful and brilliant and

[1:48:27] Emotional and it's one of these movies where I'm like, I should have watched this a long time ago

[1:48:31] But I'm glad I'm finally seeing it now. It's on Netflix right now. So that's Paris is burning

[1:48:36] I'm gonna recommend a movie from

[1:48:38] 1942

[1:48:40] It's directed by Henri George's Clouseau who is my most favorite movies are diabolic and wages of fear

[1:48:48] and this is actually his first movie the American title would be the murderer lives at number 21 and

[1:48:55] If you have the criterion title, then

[1:49:00] La sassine a beat Oh

[1:49:02] 21

[1:49:05] Once a oh, I guess would be the be nervous as that title would bury the lead in the mystery, but that's okay

[1:49:11] and or spoil it if you have the criterion streaming channel, it's available on that and

[1:49:18] it is a

[1:49:20] there's a serial killer in

[1:49:23] in

[1:49:24] in Paris and

[1:49:27] He is baffling the police. He leaves a calling card at all of his murders and a tip leads

[1:49:34] The inspector on the case to realize where the killer lives, but not who the killer is because it's a boarding house

[1:49:40] And so he moves in there to try and undercover to try and figure it out. And also his

[1:49:47] His opera singer girlfriend wants to figure it out as well to get publicity for herself and it's um

[1:49:55] kind of a combination of a

[1:49:57] thriller and an Agatha Christie

[1:50:00] chamber mystery but it's also very very funny it's like it's got a light touch

[1:50:04] and Clouseau is sort of he's looked people call him the French Hitchcock

[1:50:09] and that is very accurate while also being reductive because he's such a

[1:50:15] great director on his own but if you like kind of the lighter zippier

[1:50:21] Hitchcock thrillers this is in that vein and it's only 84 minutes so why not

[1:50:26] check it out that's my recommendation we did it guys we recommended three

[1:50:33] movies and now having fulfilled our compact with you the listener we

[1:50:39] prepared to sign off by saying why not check out the other great podcasts over

[1:50:44] at maximum fun org it's a great network got a lot of great shows just like 30

[1:50:51] something shows now on the network they made a TV show about the network called

[1:50:57] 30-something and tweet about us review us on iTunes grab people in the streets

[1:51:04] and force them to listen to us probably don't do that last one yeah come to our

[1:51:09] live shows if you are a max fun donor you can expect in the coming weeks a new

[1:51:17] installment of our flop tales bonus content where I make these dudes play

[1:51:22] and our friends you've been play role-playing games with me and thanks

[1:51:27] again to Jordan who does most of the engineering and editing for the show

[1:51:33] these days Jordan calling yep she has the last name okay I never know how much

[1:51:41] people like want to be revealed on a thing or not I guess I could ask I mean

[1:51:44] and you can put it out there and then she can just edit it that's true Jordan

[1:51:51] you're in control I've been working with Jordan on another donors special thing

[1:51:57] with John Hodgman we've been working on a podcast called I podius in which John

[1:52:03] Hodgman and I are watching and using the potty yeah we're using the potty together

[1:52:07] we were and talk to each other while we're doing it we're reviewing each

[1:52:10] episode of I Claudius and that should be available sometime in the fall I guess

[1:52:14] mm-hmm it's fall now sometime later in the fall then maybe the winter yeah this

[1:52:22] has been fun guys thanks for doing the show okay well so many episodes in we

[1:52:27] still don't know how to end it so I'm just gonna say I know thanks for

[1:52:32] listening for the flop house I've been Dan McCoy hey I'm Stuart Wellington and

[1:52:37] hey it's Elliot Kalin saying hey everybody go out there and rediscover

[1:52:42] the magic inside you you're like Shakespeare except for the quality yeah

[1:52:59] and they claim okay but he's also dead so you're also not like Shakespeare in

[1:53:04] that way mm-hmm we got any more let's turn it to the audience is there any

[1:53:10] ways that Dan is not like Shakespeare right into how Dan is not like

[1:53:16] Shakespeare care of the flop house 1 2 3 fake Street America New York USA 100

[1:53:22] 99 USA up all night maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned audience

[1:53:31] supported

Ep. #294 - Love on a Leash

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