FH Mini 9 - Return to New Moon

[0:00] Hey guys, what are we talking about?

Dan McCoy

[0:08] Did we decide this?

[0:09] Was that the beginning?

[0:10] Do we know?

Stuart Wellington

[0:11] Well, we brought an expert in to talk about the movie Twilight, the Twilight Saga, colon

[0:17] New Moon.

[0:18] The Flophouse's wacky neighbor, Chris White, is back with his crazy movie.

Elliott Kalan

[0:24] Now wait, I just want to double check.

[0:26] So we've officially started the episode?

[0:28] Yeah, sure, why not?

[0:29] Are you announcing the show or who we are or any of that stuff?

Dan McCoy

[0:31] Hey everyone, this is The Flophouse.

[0:34] It's a podcast about bad movies normally, but on off weeks we do many episodes that are

[0:40] a lot looser, and sometimes we start without Elliot knowing.

[0:44] And I'm Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[0:45] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:46] I'm Elliot Kalen.

[0:47] Loving, yeah, this new WTF with Marc Maron style of starting and just kind of rolling on

[0:51] into it.

[0:53] I'm Hallie Haglund.

[0:54] Joining us is star of the show, Hallie Haglund.

Chris Weitz

[0:58] So how many times has Hallie been on the show?

[1:02] When does one reach the Haglund line?

[1:05] Oh boy.

[1:06] You're going to need a lot more.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07] When do you get a Hallie jacket?

Dan McCoy

[1:09] I mean, it's got to be over 10.

[1:13] Really?

[1:13] Wow.

[1:14] But is it under 20, do you think?

[1:16] Yes.

[1:17] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18] So we're in there.

[1:19] So it's not Hallie Haglund.

[1:20] It's our wacky neighbor, Chris White, joining us again.

Chris Weitz

[1:24] Yeah.

[1:25] Have I mentioned on the show that, you know, now that I've heard all of the episodes, I

[1:31] fall asleep to your guys' voices every night?

[1:35] And have I creeped you out with that ever before?

[1:37] And somehow no other podcast will do anymore for a while.

[1:41] Oh, wow.

[1:41] I listened to that strange Australian paranormal podcast, Strange Universe.

[1:47] Uh-huh.

[1:48] But it has to be the Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49] I have a soothing voice.

[1:51] Everyone said it.

Chris Weitz

[1:52] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53] It's like the sound of silk being dragged through butter is the way that my voice has been

[1:58] described.

Stuart Wellington

[1:59] My brother described it as exactly like the voice actor who portrayed Howard the Duck

[2:05] in 1984's Howard the Duck.

[2:08] Mm-hmm.

[2:09] That quote is on my headshot, by the way, now.

[2:10] Or is it?

[2:11] It's 86, right?

[2:12] 86, yeah.

[2:13] That was my...

[2:14] Oh, sorry.

[2:15] Because I was like, Elliot was like four years old when that movie came out.

[2:18] I didn't see it in the theaters.

[2:20] My brother is undeterred.

Elliott Kalan

[2:22] Oh, yeah.

[2:22] Because I...

[2:23] Oh, no, no.

[2:24] My future self went back and recorded it.

Stuart Wellington

[2:26] Mm.

[2:27] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[2:27] At the same time that I was being my own father and mother, I also recorded the voice track

[2:32] for Howard the Duck.

Dan McCoy

[2:33] Mm-hmm.

[2:34] I mean, I also listen to podcasts to go to sleep.

[2:38] I find the...

[2:38] I find the voices of humans comforting.

[2:41] No more than now, as the world is falling apart, I like to know that people somewhere are

[2:47] talking about something that I can kind of pay attention to and kind of then just zone

[2:51] out and drift off to.

Stuart Wellington

[2:53] And I'm pretty sure I've seen Dan tell those podcasters that you do that.

[2:58] So, Chris, you shouldn't feel weird at all.

[3:00] That's a...

[3:00] I...

[3:01] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[3:01] I feel like Dan's done that.

[3:02] I mean...

[3:03] In my presence.

Elliott Kalan

[3:04] If I could find the sound engineer who put together 100 spooky Halloween sound effects and tell

[3:09] him how much help it's...

[3:10] Or her.

[3:10] How much help it's given me falling asleep.

[3:12] Those chain rattles, creaky doors, witch cackles.

[3:15] I would.

Chris Weitz

[3:16] Well, it has the opposite effect.

[3:17] Instead of scaring you silly and keeping you up.

Elliott Kalan

[3:19] Oh, no.

[3:20] It just lulls me to sleep.

[3:21] Because I love...

[3:22] There's nothing more comforting to me than knowing that I'm watched over by an evil ghost,

[3:26] a witch, perhaps a murderer of some kind.

[3:28] You know, that I'm not alone.

Dan McCoy

[3:29] You know...

[3:30] Elliot's a Beetlejuice.

[3:32] As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing more scary than a creaky door or a bubbling cauldron.

[3:39] Because if I hear those, I'm like, I gotta get up and oil that door and turn off that cauldron.

Elliott Kalan

[3:44] Yeah, yeah.

[3:44] No, I like it.

[3:45] It just makes me feel like I'm in a place that's well-lived and well-loved.

[3:49] Stuart, you referred to me as a Beetlejuice.

[3:50] I'm actually a Beetlejuice, which is...

[3:52] Oh, wow.

[3:53] I'm so sorry.

[3:53] Which is a Jewish person who, if you say their name three times, they show up.

[3:57] So...

Chris Weitz

[3:57] Okay.

[3:57] I'm sure you should refer to Jews as beetles.

[4:01] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:02] But two of the Beatles were Jewish.

[4:04] John Lenowitz and...

[4:07] Ringelstein Starr.

[4:09] Ringelstein Starr.

Dan McCoy

[4:14] Yeah.

[4:16] Sorry.

[4:16] I said something as if I had an idea of where we're going, but I think Elliot probably actually

[4:21] does.

[4:21] And he was also making a noise.

Elliott Kalan

[4:23] I was wondering...

[4:25] So Stuart said, hey, for this episode, why don't we get our good friend and wacky neighbor,

[4:30] Chris, who falls asleep to our voices every night, much like Kramer probably does on Seinfeld,

[4:35] listening to Jerry, I assume having sex with his parade of anonymous girlfriends who will

[4:40] never be seen again on the show.

Stuart Wellington

[4:43] They cannot live up to his standard, his exacting standard.

[4:47] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[4:48] And Stuart was like, let's talk to Chris about these Twilight movies and what it's like to

[4:53] make a Twilight movie.

[4:54] Oh, is that the plan?

[4:56] Great.

[4:57] I'm in.

Dan McCoy

[4:57] Let's do it.

[4:58] Okay.

[4:59] I mean, like, I was like, is Chris actually going to want to talk about his Hollywood experiences

[5:05] or is that verboten?

[5:08] Like, that is what I was worried about.

Elliott Kalan

[5:08] I mean, we could ask about producing Columbus.

[5:11] I'd be equally as interested to hear about that.

Chris Weitz

[5:12] I'm all about that.

[5:13] I know the fans want to hear about it.

[5:17] The Columbites.

[5:19] No, not Columbines.

[5:20] Ooh, no.

[5:22] Not a good name.

[5:23] Listen, without...

[5:24] I don't have anything but Hollywood experiences.

[5:26] My life is Hollywood all the time.

[5:29] I just, you know.

[5:31] Hollywood whites, they call them.

[5:32] Holly whites.

[5:35] It's nothing but lunch at the Ivy and other things that people do in Hollywood, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[5:43] My idea, even living in Los Angeles for a couple years now, my idea of Hollywood is still a guy

[5:48] in a convertible car wearing suspenders and a suit and he's got a ponytail and a big, like,

[5:53] Zach Morris block cell phone in his hand and little sunglasses.

[5:58] And he's just, he's yakking about deals and who's ankling who and how are you going to package this?

Stuart Wellington

[6:04] You're literally just describing what you're seeing on Chris's camera right now.

[6:09] Yeah, I'm actually doing this as I try.

Chris Weitz

[6:12] Downs on St. Boulevard.

[6:13] Yeah.

[6:13] I don't care.

[6:14] Chris is talking about a snorting cocaine.

[6:17] I'm talking about boffo B.O.

[6:19] And I don't need me.

[6:20] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:21] Whether this picture has legs.

Stuart Wellington

[6:24] And later tonight, when you fall asleep to the sound of our voices, your bed is going to transform

[6:30] into a giant Hollywood Walk of Fame star and you're going to fly over the giant Hollywood

[6:35] sign.

[6:36] Oh, wow.

[6:36] That's going to be great.

Dan McCoy

[6:37] Well, I was about to say that my vision of Hollywood as well was, like, informed by movies

[6:42] for so long.

[6:43] And so I was just like, oh, Hollywood is just the Chinese theater and the Walk of Fame.

[6:48] And then the first time I went out to L.A., I was just astounded to see what a tiny place

[6:54] that is.

Elliott Kalan

[6:55] Outside that theater, the big stars hang out.

[6:57] Batman, Elmo, all of them.

[6:59] SpongeBob.

Dan McCoy

[7:00] They're all there.

[7:02] John Travolta.

[7:02] John Travolta and the fan.

[7:03] They're all there.

Elliott Kalan

[7:04] Yeah, the famous character of English Bobby.

[7:07] Yeah.

[7:07] So what's your Hollywood experience like?

Chris Weitz

[7:11] My E2 Hollywood story?

[7:14] Well.

[7:14] Because fame.

Elliott Kalan

[7:16] Ain't it a bitch?

[7:17] Oh, wow.

[7:17] I'm quoting A.J.

[7:18] Benza.

Chris Weitz

[7:20] I find that with more money, more problems.

[7:23] Oh, wow.

Stuart Wellington

[7:24] I've never heard that before, but it makes sense.

Chris Weitz

[7:27] Yeah.

[7:27] I just thought of it.

[7:29] Well, as you guys may know, I don't actually, I mean, well, first of all, there's only one

[7:35] movie studio left in Hollywood, which is Paramount, which is the old, you know, one that was always

[7:42] there.

[7:43] So Hollywood actually isn't very Hollywood and it's kind of ragging and beaten up.

[7:47] I don't know.

[7:48] I mean, my experience was coming out with my brother in 19, when was it?

[7:53] In 1990, I think.

[7:55] And writing on a lot of movies that never, ever got made.

[8:01] And then our first credit was a production polish on a very Brady sequel.

[8:06] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[8:07] That's a movie that I watched just a few years back.

[8:11] I watched both of the Brady movies.

[8:13] Wow.

[8:13] Movies.

[8:14] God.

[8:14] Because like, I, it was like.

Elliott Kalan

[8:17] Because Dan had seen every movie ever made and went and decided to start back around again.

Dan McCoy

[8:22] And circle back and watch those movies for a second time.

[8:25] No.

Stuart Wellington

[8:26] Our tale begins with a giant platter full of pot brownies.

Dan McCoy

[8:33] I wish.

[8:34] I, uh, no, it was just like, it was during that period when I was living alone and at my

[8:39] saddest.

[8:40] And I was just like, oh, these movies are on Hulu or whatever service.

[8:46] Perhaps that will be exactly the flavor of undemanding fun that I am looking for at this moment.

[8:52] And you know what?

[8:53] They were.

Stuart Wellington

[8:53] They're funny.

[8:54] They're funny movies.

[8:54] I feel like that's a hole in the streaming service options.

[8:57] There isn't one that is dedicated exclusively to sad men.

[9:01] Uh, I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[9:02] There's a number of online streaming sites that are devoted exclusively to what sad men want

[9:06] to see.

Stuart Wellington

[9:07] Like sad, lonely men.

[9:09] I don't, I don't think so, Elliot.

[9:10] No, it seems like there's a...

[9:11] Uh, short films.

Elliott Kalan

[9:13] Very short films, yeah.

[9:14] Most of them shot on tape, on video.

[9:16] Not on, or DV.

[9:17] Not on, not on actual film.

Chris Weitz

[9:18] Kind of Dogma 95 type.

Elliott Kalan

[9:20] Yeah, yeah.

[9:20] A lot of, uh, Nat sound.

[9:22] Very Nat sound.

[9:23] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[9:26] All in the same, uh, prefabricated, uh, mansion, too.

[9:30] It's weird.

[9:31] Mm-hmm.

[9:32] I guess that's the studio.

Stuart Wellington

[9:33] But what if I was a sad guy that also had a fantasy that I was some kind of, I don't

[9:37] know, pizza delivery fellow?

[9:40] Hmm.

Dan McCoy

[9:41] Would there be an option for me?

[9:43] Like you got a fellowship to be in pizza delivery?

[9:45] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:46] He's a, he's a, he's a Domino's scholar.

[9:50] Uh, so what was, wait, can you explain for the audience, Chris?

[9:53] Uh, you said a production rewrite.

[9:55] What is that?

Chris Weitz

[9:56] Production rewrite is when they're, they're just about to make a movie and they realize

[10:00] in a cold sweat that it's not, that the script is just not going to cut it.

[10:05] Which, as you can imagine, given the movies that are made, how bad things must be at that

[10:11] point where they actually decide to rewrite it.

[10:14] Um, uh, so yeah, we were, my brother and I were brought in, um.

[10:19] And how did you meet your brother?

[10:21] Uh, well, um, that's actually amazing.

[10:25] Amazingly, someone asks us that once in a meeting.

[10:28] Um, in all seriousness.

[10:31] He also said, uh, during that meeting that a, a script, which was about a boy who was raised

[10:38] by whales, uh, and ended up winning the Olympics was based on a true story.

[10:44] As he tried to, uh, did he believe that or he thought you were dumb enough to believe it?

[10:50] Yeah.

[10:51] Uh, I, well, I prefer to think the former, um, and based upon his other, um, remarks, I, I think I'm right.

[10:58] Now that movie got made.

Dan McCoy

[10:59] And speaking of about a boy that turned into the screenplay for about a boy.

[11:03] That did.

[11:03] Yeah.

Chris Weitz

[11:04] It started, it's one of these crazy stories where, where like a movie gets rewritten completely

[11:07] unrecognizably.

[11:09] The original title was about a whale.

Elliott Kalan

[11:11] It was called about a whale boy.

[11:13] Yeah.

[11:13] And then, and then they have, they're having so much trouble with it.

[11:16] And then you and your brother stepped in and you said, here's our pitch.

[11:19] And you just crossed out the word whale.

[11:20] And they went, we're listening.

Dan McCoy

[11:24] Let's go back to basics guys.

[11:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[11:28] People don't want to see movies about whales.

[11:30] They want to see movies about boys.

[11:31] What about free Willy had a boy in it.

Dan McCoy

[11:35] That's what Chris does.

[11:36] He comes in as like a screenwriter and he does the equivalent of that thing where you look

[11:42] in the mirror and take one thing off.

[11:43] Yep.

[11:44] You know, he's like, let's remove the whale from this.

[11:46] It's just too much, you know, it's too much unnecessary blood.

Elliott Kalan

[11:50] It was originally Twilight, new moon, and then another moon.

[11:53] And you said, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[11:54] Just the one moon.

Chris Weitz

[11:58] So yeah, what I remember from that, that first gig that my brother and I ever had was that

[12:03] at one point we, cause we were doing all the writing in the production offices of the

[12:07] movie.

[12:08] And at one point we were told that we couldn't order any more sushi on the movie's budget

[12:12] cause we were eating too much.

[12:16] So we were living it up.

[12:17] If you can imagine getting as much, um, as much takeout sushi as you can eat.

[12:22] That's gotta be a lot of sushi.

[12:24] Yeah, it was.

[12:25] It was.

[12:26] My brother and I always, uh, would, would eat, would order it.

[12:29] I would not necessarily eat, but order too much sushi.

[12:31] I remember in New York, there used to be these all you can eat sushi places.

[12:34] And in order to keep you from, um, from ordering too much sushi and, and wasting it, um, they

[12:39] would say you have to pay for any sushi that is left over on your plate.

[12:43] So what my brother and I would do is occasionally when we would order too much because we were

[12:48] very gluttonous, we would secret it about our persons and then walk to the bathroom and

[12:53] flush it down the toilet.

[12:54] So we'd slip it down, slip it down our shirt cuffs and into our, into our crotches and

[13:01] then have to go and dispose of it.

Elliott Kalan

[13:03] Would you ever pretend that you were freeing the fish that had been prisoned?

[13:08] Back to the water with you.

[13:09] Swim free.

Chris Weitz

[13:11] Yeah.

[13:11] Well, I feel like, uh, well, you might while in the bathroom on our own.

[13:14] Yes.

[13:14] But we wouldn't do that in front of the sushi chef because that would lead to our immediate

[13:17] expulsion.

Elliott Kalan

[13:18] Well, it seems like a weird restaurant where the, the toilet would be right in front of

[13:22] the sushi chef.

[13:24] How did they get a sanitary grade?

[13:25] That's what I wonder.

[13:27] They were grandfathered in.

Dan McCoy

[13:29] Okay.

[13:29] We should also, uh, clarify that Chris, Chris's brother, of course, is Jeremy Piven and that's

[13:35] how he got the mercury poisoning that, uh, kept him off the Broadway stage.

Elliott Kalan

[13:40] Yeah.

[13:41] Is that true?

[13:42] My God.

[13:42] Well, he said he had mercury poisoning.

[13:45] He claimed he had mercury poisoning.

Stuart Wellington

[13:46] Is that like a, like a Michael Douglas's cancer thing where he claimed he got it from, you know,

[13:54] from pleasure.

[13:55] I don't think Michael Douglas claimed that.

[13:56] I'm not.

[13:57] I do know, Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[13:59] And I thought for a second, should I pimp you into having to actually say it?

[14:03] But I don't want you to.

[14:05] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:07] So how did that, so what, what happened after, so a very, very sequel came out.

[14:11] Uh, what happened?

[14:13] It was a massive hit and everything is history after that.

Chris Weitz

[14:16] Um, that, let me, what happened to that?

[14:18] Okay.

[14:19] So then I remember what, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, ants was kind of our next, uh, accredited work.

[14:26] Where my, um, my brother and I were, this is actually kind of Hollywood-ish.

[14:31] We were eating, uh, uh, breakfast at Hugo's on Santa Monica, which is a kind of a very,

[14:37] like a bit of an institution.

[14:38] And, uh, and a guy I know, uh, was there and he said, uh, that they wanted a writer to rewrite,

[14:44] um, a movie about, about ants.

[14:47] And, and he had just seen this, uh, and the idea had come about from this National Geographic,

[14:51] uh, documentary about a termite, um, uh, colony that was attacked by ants eventually in the end.

[14:58] And I remembered that, that particular, uh, episode really, really well.

[15:03] And I'd actually also just ordered, uh, a couple of books about ants because I, I did really care about ants at the time.

[15:09] Or care about it?

[15:10] I was interested.

[15:11] They were cool.

[15:11] Um, so, so there I was, you know, it's kind of like the Lana Turner at, uh, what is it?

[15:16] Shraps?

[15:17] Yeah, I think it was at Shraps.

[15:18] A story?

[15:18] Yeah.

[15:19] Um, except for ants.

[15:21] Shraps or Shraps?

Elliott Kalan

[15:23] Craps.

[15:24] Shraps?

[15:24] Scabs.

[15:25] She was at a place called Scabs.

[15:27] Scabs.

[15:28] God.

[15:29] Yeah.

[15:30] Um, she really stuck out because everyone else was covered in scabs and sores.

[15:34] It was that, that, uh, leper, uh, restaurant.

[15:37] Yeah, it was a long time LA institution for a long time.

[15:41] Uh-huh.

[15:42] LA-pers, it was called.

[15:44] Also Scabs.

[15:45] Yeah.

Chris Weitz

[15:47] Uh, so, so that was next, um, in this, uh, this whirlwind through, through my, uh, my glorious career.

[15:55] And what, and you came in.

[15:56] That was phase, phase two.

Dan McCoy

[15:58] Phase two of your career?

[15:59] Because it seems like phase four of your career should have been ants.

[16:03] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[16:03] Again, call back to phase four.

[16:05] He's called back to it.

[16:05] The only movie is Saul Bass ever.

[16:08] This is a joke.

Elliott Kalan

[16:09] Dan is calling back to a joke before we started recording.

[16:12] Is it?

[16:12] I can't remember.

[16:14] So, and you came on, were you, you were rewriting someone else on ants or they wanted people to write a movie about ants?

Chris Weitz

[16:20] They were kind of, they were mostly throwing away, uh, a script.

[16:23] And so we, I think in the, in the, in the space of, um, in the space of six weeks we were supposed to, uh, write a script that Woody Allen would sign on to.

[16:35] Um, uh, and of course.

Elliott Kalan

[16:36] I assume the original script he had written and it was about an ant, an elderly ant that falls in love with a grub.

[16:42] And they said, we can't have this.

Chris Weitz

[16:45] Uh, it was, um, had I known, uh, that it was going to be so problematic, I probably would have done it anyway because I sort of wanted to, to have a career.

[16:54] Um, but at the time, um, he was just strange and not, uh, deeply strange and upsetting.

[17:00] Yeah.

[17:00] Um, and yeah, so, so then we, we, we did, we did a lot of that.

[17:05] And then, um, it, it actually, that, that process, you know, animated films take forever.

[17:10] So this took about two and a half years and, um, and this very, the strangest thing about that, okay, was that, um, for the first time in our lives, we flew on a private jet.

[17:22] Oh, wow.

[17:23] Woody Allen's private jet?

[17:24] And no, it was DreamWorks private jet because DreamWorks was a hugely going concern at the time.

[17:31] And, um, and, uh, but the, the irony of that, or I don't know, the, the careful what you wish for that was that the jet would leave at six in the morning from, uh, Burbank and return at noon.

[17:44] So you'd have to wake up at five o'clock or four 45 to drive to this jet, to fly up for an hour to, uh, Palo Alto to work for three hours and then fly down again within the same morning, which was completely bananas and not as fun as it really should be to fly in a private jet.

Stuart Wellington

[18:03] I think the coolest part of Chris's private jet story is hearing the waves crashing in the background.

Chris Weitz

[18:10] Yeah, I was about to say, um, that's my, that's my sound machine, which I, um, okay.

[18:20] Uh, well, well, listen, I blame the Blue Yeti microphone, which just picks up the Pacific Ocean.

[18:26] It's just too blue.

Elliott Kalan

[18:27] So, uh, and so describe that private jet to us, like how many people would fit on it?

Chris Weitz

[18:34] Uh, I guess about 10 people would fit on it.

[18:37] Um, and, um, you know, sometimes it was like, oh, there's Hans Zimmer.

[18:40] He's coming with us, uh, this time.

[18:42] And he'd be like, hey, Hans Zimmer.

[18:44] Uh, he was actually really nice.

Elliott Kalan

[18:45] Um, oh, your boys are flying guns a jet today.

[18:49] We're going to talk about the Hans movie.

[18:51] I have to assume this is what he sounds like.

[18:53] I've never heard his voice.

[18:54] Yeah.

[18:55] He sounds a bit like that, actually.

Chris Weitz

[18:58] Uh, but he was very nice.

[19:00] Um, and let me see, you get, um, you get some nice sandwiches.

[19:03] You get free sandwiches, um, uh, and, and, uh, Jeffrey Katzenberg is on the plane too.

[19:09] Uh, uh, and, and so you never really feel as if you can totally kick, kick back.

[19:14] Cause he's, he's so incredibly on the ball about everything that, um, that you don't feel

[19:19] as though you can actually, um, enjoy.

Elliott Kalan

[19:21] He's really watching the plane sushi budget to make sure that you don't go over.

Dan McCoy

[19:27] He's like, I know the trick where you flush it down, Chris.

[19:30] And this is, this plane does not have a system that will handle that kind of raw fish in

[19:36] the, in the toilet.

Chris Weitz

[19:37] You cannot have all you can eat.

[19:39] Um, this is amazing.

[19:40] This is like, uh, this is your life.

[19:41] I, I, I, I was kind of joking when I, when I posted the new moon poster, um, on Twitter

[19:48] and answer to your call for subjects.

[19:51] Uh, but here we are.

Stuart Wellington

[19:52] Yeah, well, uh, that, that joke quickly became Stuart's lifeline to something to talk about.

Chris Weitz

[20:01] Yeah.

[20:02] I'm actually loving looking at what appears to be a kitchen storage, um, uh, shelf.

[20:08] You're, are you in a back?

[20:09] No, you're, you're in a, oh, is that a closet?

Stuart Wellington

[20:11] I record in a closet.

[20:14] Yeah.

[20:15] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[20:16] Uh, it's, is that the basement of Hentralins?

[20:18] I've never actually asked.

[20:19] No, no, no.

Stuart Wellington

[20:19] This is, this is a, uh, this is the office slash storage room in Charlene and my apartment.

[20:25] Uh, that's why you can see, uh, boxes of board games in the background and, uh, and restaurant

[20:32] quality, uh, shell, a shelving basically.

[20:36] Tortilla chips?

[20:37] Yep.

[20:37] Restaurant quality tortilla chips.

[20:39] Oh man.

[20:40] You would bite into them and you'd be like, I can't buy this at the store.

[20:43] I can only get these at restaurants.

[20:44] I have to get this wholesale.

Chris Weitz

[20:46] It's not delivery.

[20:47] Yep.

[20:48] It's Doritos, I guess.

[20:49] It's de restaurant style.

Stuart Wellington

[20:54] So, uh, so Christopher, you, Christopher.

[20:58] No, wait.

[20:59] Yes, grandma.

[21:01] Please refer to me, uh, in a more silted way.

[21:03] This got, this got very serious all of a sudden.

[21:04] Uh, Christopher, what are your intentions towards my daughter?

[21:08] So, you are hot off of ants.

[21:12] Yeah.

[21:12] What's next for, uh, the, what's next?

Chris Weitz

[21:16] What's next for the brothers?

[21:17] Chris White.

[21:19] Uh, well, let me see.

[21:20] Then we, we kind of, uh, oh, no, that, well then, then, uh, American Pie happened because,

[21:25] um, uh, for some reason we went in for a meeting to, to, to direct.

[21:31] I mean, you guys probably wanted the job.

[21:32] Which we've never, yes.

[21:35] We, we'd never done it before.

[21:36] We wanted to direct pretty much anything.

[21:38] And, and so, uh, we, we, for some reason, I think because we thought we wouldn't get the

[21:43] job because we never directed a thing, um, uh, went in and, and, uh, and kind of pitched

[21:48] them on, on how we would change the script.

[21:51] Um, uh, along with Adam Harris, the writer and, and, uh, you know, the idea was to kind

[21:57] of make it a bit more female friendly.

[21:58] Although in retrospect, there are problematic elements about American Pie as well.

[22:03] I'm actually now noticing a trail of, uh, very questionable things in my career.

[22:08] Woody Allen, um, cyber, uh, cyber crime.

Elliott Kalan

[22:13] Yeah.

[22:13] I mean, it also means that with ants that you wrote something that you wrote for Sylvester

[22:17] Stallone too, right?

Chris Weitz

[22:19] That's true.

[22:21] Um, and I didn't get to meet Sylvester Stallone, but for a while I would read opposite all of

[22:26] the, um, the, the characters because they didn't of course read, you know, together.

[22:29] So I read opposite JLo, Gene Hackman, Woody Allen.

[22:34] I'm trying to remember who else.

[22:35] Oh, Sharon Stone.

[22:37] Um, yeah.

[22:38] So that was kind of nice as well.

[22:39] That's amazing.

Dan McCoy

[22:40] You know what?

[22:41] I, today actually I tweeted about how like I am nearly 42, two years old.

[22:46] Congratulations.

[22:47] You did it.

[22:48] Thank you.

[22:49] And in spite of, uh, you know, it's, uh, it's coming up soon.

[22:53] June 19th, everyone.

[22:54] Uh, just so you just throwing it out there.

[22:56] Anyway, June 10th.

[22:57] That's also the.

[22:57] Yeah, June 10th.

[22:58] That's what they're celebrating is Dan's birthday.

Stuart Wellington

[23:01] That's also the.

[23:01] The four year.

[23:02] Just happened to be on the same day.

[23:03] That's the four year anniversary of my bar hinterlands.

[23:06] Which birthday is more momentous.

[23:09] Four years is a big deal for a business.

Elliott Kalan

[23:12] But, uh.

[23:12] I thought you were going to say it's the fourth anniversary of Dan's 38th birthday.

Dan McCoy

[23:16] I tweeted out today about how, uh, I'm 42 years old.

[23:22] And, uh, despite media telling me that this is a thing that men do, I have never masturbated by fucking any sort of food.

[23:29] And then I thought to myself, oh, uh, is my friend Chris going to see this and be distressed in some way that I am.

[23:37] And then I assume you're not undercutting that I want some to.

Chris Weitz

[23:41] The siren song of food has called.

[23:43] Because I assume the next thought you had was, why haven't I done that?

[23:47] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[23:49] Maybe pie does feel like sex.

Stuart Wellington

[23:52] Yeah.

[23:53] I mean, the movie, the movie asked that question.

[23:55] You need to answer it, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[23:57] That's actually, if you check the IMDb goofs, sorry to bring this up, Chris, for American Pie.

[24:01] In the goofs, it says, in actuality, human vaginas and pies do not feel particularly similar.

Chris Weitz

[24:07] No, they're, they're quite unlike.

[24:11] Thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[24:12] I never found the right pie.

[24:14] On the record.

[24:17] You heard it here.

[24:19] Yeah.

[24:19] Yeah, we just, we just brought you here to trap you.

Chris Weitz

[24:24] Actually, the only thing I'm thinking about as you recount that anecdote is how young you guys are.

[24:29] Like, 50 years old.

[24:30] It's bizarre.

[24:31] I always used to be the youngest person in the room.

[24:33] Around the time that I was, like, that I'm describing, I was super young, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[24:38] Yeah, because you must have been, what, like, 30 at the time?

Chris Weitz

[24:41] I was 29 when I started directing American.

[24:43] Wow.

[24:44] Turned 30, I think, on the set.

[24:46] Which is so young, it's ridiculous.

Stuart Wellington

[24:48] That's 30 under 30 material right there.

[24:52] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[24:53] Just made it.

[24:54] Did you, did it feel, did it, did you feel like the older person on the set because the actors were so much younger?

[24:59] Like, was it?

Chris Weitz

[25:00] I did feel, I did feel old relative to them because these guys were, like, often in their first movie.

[25:08] I mean, the great thing about making that was that the studio was also making Babe, Pig in the City, and Meet Joe Black, which were costing them a lot of money.

[25:19] And we cost nothing.

[25:21] And as a result, we were just kind of, they just kept, their eyes were on other balls, as it were.

[25:27] So we just got away with a lot.

[25:29] And we got relatively little critique as we went through the process, which was amazing.

[25:35] Amazing.

Dan McCoy

[25:36] And the other experience I had, oh, sorry, go on.

[25:38] Well, I was just going to say, I mean, and despite Pig in the City being a tremendous movie, like, both of those films did much, much worse.

Chris Weitz

[25:47] Yeah, it was very strange.

[25:48] I, like, I certainly don't take any pride in that.

[25:51] I don't think it has anything to do with anything other than the kind of strange tastes of the public.

[25:57] I mean, I bet, I mean, Meet Joe Black had its own, had its own problems.

Elliott Kalan

[26:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:03] Yeah, its own thing.

[26:05] In fact, that was three hours long being one of them.

Elliott Kalan

[26:07] I think that's part of it.

[26:08] They took an hour and a half movie and remade it as a movie twice that length.

Stuart Wellington

[26:12] Wasn't one of the big selling points of Meet Joe Black that when it premiered, it had the trailer for The Phantom Menace before it?

[26:20] Yeah, it was, I think.

[26:21] Oh, really?

[26:22] And, like, famously people went, watched, like, paid for a full ticket, watched the trailer, and then bounced.

[26:27] Yeah.

[26:28] And then left.

[26:29] Wow.

[26:31] So American Pie was a big hit.

Elliott Kalan

[26:33] Like, that was huge.

Chris Weitz

[26:35] It was crazy.

[26:36] It was certainly unexpected.

[26:37] I'll tell you how I know that the studio didn't expect that at all is that somebody strolled in from the studio about halfway through shooting and said, great news.

[26:46] We just sold the foreign rights for $4 million.

[26:49] So, like, our downside is covered.

[26:51] Which didn't mean anything to me.

[26:54] But, you know, it ended up making $100 and something million foreign.

[27:00] Because they like a laugh, too, you know?

[27:01] Everybody likes a laugh.

Dan McCoy

[27:04] Although the fact that...

[27:05] Mitt Romney lives for laughter, I've heard.

Elliott Kalan

[27:08] So that's like, how old a soundbite is that?

[27:10] Is that from 2012?

Dan McCoy

[27:12] I remember that from our days together at The Daily Show.

[27:16] Yeah, when you say he lived for laughter.

[27:17] So it's a long time ago.

[27:18] He lives for laughter.

Stuart Wellington

[27:20] Wow.

[27:20] My experiences with American Pie, I remember seeing it in the theater probably in, what, high school?

[27:26] Or maybe right, my freshman year of college.

[27:28] You guys probably had to sneak in.

Elliott Kalan

[27:29] I was definitely in high school because everyone in my high school was talking about it.

[27:33] And through some twist of fate, my mom saw it before I did.

[27:35] And she was like, you've got to see this movie.

[27:37] She thought it was really funny.

[27:40] I remember that.

[27:41] She's like, you see Shannon Elizabeth's boobs.

[27:43] You've got to see it.

[27:44] And I was like, mom, all right.

[27:45] She's like, you're horny.

[27:47] And my...

[27:47] You're a horny team.

Stuart Wellington

[27:48] And I guess my second thing was, I remember bartending one afternoon and Eddie K. Thomas

[27:54] came in with a date and was not very nice to me.

[27:58] But that's okay.

[27:59] Really?

[27:59] I'm an asshole.

[28:03] I'm sorry.

[28:04] No, that's okay.

[28:04] It's fine.

[28:05] This was years ago.

[28:06] Chris gets out his phone and starts texting him.

[28:09] This is the part of the podcast where we air out some dirty laundry.

[28:11] So Dan, can you play Dirty Laundry by Don Henley for me?

[28:15] Okay.

[28:15] Yeah, that's the signboard cue.

Dan McCoy

[28:18] You know, I've never had any bad experiences with any of the cast members.

[28:24] I've never met any of them, so I haven't had the opportunity.

Stuart Wellington

[28:26] I've had the good experience of watching Chris Klein in Street Fire, The Legend of Chun-Li.

Dan McCoy

[28:31] Yeah, that was a great experience.

Chris Weitz

[28:33] Yes, that was another painful episode for me.

[28:36] I mean, he's great, though.

Dan McCoy

[28:39] It was a tremendously sounding performance.

[28:45] I don't know quite what's happening, but I love it.

Elliott Kalan

[28:49] It's a lot happening.

[28:50] It's a lot going on.

[28:51] It reminds me of, you know, we just did our live show this past weekend about Howard the Duck,

[28:56] Tim Robbins' performance in that, where it's like, you kind of get the feeling he was like,

[29:00] nobody cares about what I'm doing.

[29:02] I'm just going to go crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[29:05] Plum Loco.

[29:06] So, but you did a movie with a bunch of younger actors.

[29:12] Do you keep in touch with anyone?

[29:15] I mean, obviously some of them have had very huge careers.

Chris Weitz

[29:21] Yes.

[29:22] We actually, you know, we are co-producing a movie with Natasha.

[29:27] Natasha Lyonne has a new production company.

[29:31] Oh, wow.

[29:31] And we were doing something with her.

[29:32] So I see her around once in a while.

[29:35] She's great.

[29:36] I mean, I still think of them as like kids.

[29:38] I saw Sean Scott a little while ago.

[29:41] That was awesome.

[29:43] Yeah.

[29:44] You know, I met them all at a really like amazing time in their lives when everything was about to happen.

[29:51] Which actually, this is maybe the segue to leap past a lot of just dross and get to Twilight Saga.

[30:00] New Moon.

[30:01] Because let's talk about our paths.

[30:04] Let's talk about K-Stew.

Elliott Kalan

[30:07] Oh, boy.

[30:07] Okay.

[30:08] This is when the real dirty laundry comes out.

[30:11] Tay Lau.

[30:12] So Dan, play dirty laundry again.

Chris Weitz

[30:17] Yeah, Dan, just throw those in and post.

Dan McCoy

[30:19] Music cue for that, but okay.

Chris Weitz

[30:21] I was actually thinking about, the other day about making that movie.

[30:26] And the utter shock I had when I think we were, yeah, I think we were all flying to shoot around the same time.

[30:35] There's something where we all had to fly out of LAX at the same time.

[30:39] K-Stew.

[30:40] Our paths.

[30:40] Tay Lau.

[30:42] Myself.

[30:43] Bodyguards for K-Stew and our paths.

[30:46] And the paparazzi were chasing them, and us, because I was in the same, you know, whatever, SUV.

[30:54] Chasing them down the street.

[30:56] Like, you know, vans, cars, everything.

[30:58] Like, I've never seen anything like it.

[30:59] It was astounding.

[31:00] It was genuinely frightening.

Elliott Kalan

[31:01] Was it like the beginning of Hard Day's Night, and you guys were laughing and just, like, pulling pranks?

[31:07] You know, fake beards and things like that?

Chris Weitz

[31:11] Totally just like that.

[31:15] Girls screaming, running after me.

[31:17] No, it was creeps.

[31:19] It was paparazzi, just the worst form of life.

[31:25] And I thought, like, this is not good.

[31:28] This cannot be good for a person, one way or the other.

[31:31] This bizarre exposure to a strange kind of...

[31:35] And they knew on some level, you know, that, you know, like, Rob and Kristen, like, have done really great stuff since.

[31:44] But they knew on some level that what was happening to them was more no relation to who they actually were or what they were doing.

[31:50] Or, frankly, you know, the sort of import, the real import of what they were doing.

[31:54] So it was equally grotesque and bizarre.

[31:57] And then if they said that they didn't want it or that, you know, they wish things were otherwise, they would get sort of excoriated.

[32:05] But it did seem like a really unpleasant way to live.

Elliott Kalan

[32:07] I remember when Kristen Stewart was on The Daily Show when I worked there as a guest.

[32:13] And just, like, leaving one night and the guest entrance, I don't know how...

[32:19] I guess they would announce the schedule ahead of time sometimes.

[32:22] But it was just, like, the guest entrance was swarmed with this huge crowd of people who were only there to get her to, like, sign things that they could sell them.

[32:30] And I remember leaving late that night.

[32:33] And as I was leaving, like, turning back, because there was a huge SUV parked outside the front door, which was very nondescript.

[32:40] The door the staff used, like, we would not even know The Daily Show was located there.

[32:43] I guess if there wasn't a huge sign above it that said, that had John that said, like, if you're looking for Larry Flint's Hustler Club, go around the corner.

[32:51] But, which was for many years the billboard that was right up, was John pointing in that direction.

[32:57] But the...

[32:58] And seeing, like, that, like, her very, like, sadly, like, leaving the front door and getting into that car, that, like, she had to wait for a long time and then use the other entrance just to, like...

[33:09] Just so that she wouldn't be, you know, mobbed and destroyed.

[33:12] And she just seemed so incredibly, like, sad and lonely.

[33:15] It was terrible.

[33:15] Anyway, that's when I reached out my hand to her.

[33:18] And we had kind of, like, a Roman holiday style, you know, just, like, wild night on the town.

[33:22] Wow.

[33:22] Was that when you guys had your thing?

[33:25] By thing, you mean lawsuit.

[33:26] Yes.

[33:28] But, no, it was just, like, it was one of those moments where I was, like, you know, because I like the spotlight to a certain extent.

[33:33] But it was one of those moments where I was, like, oh, I'm so glad that I'm, like, a nobody in this moment.

[33:37] You know?

Dan McCoy

[33:37] Well, that's just like...

[33:39] This is going to sound...

[33:41] This is going to seem so absurd coming on the heels of superstar Kristen Stewart off of superstar...

[33:48] Series, Twilight.

[33:50] But, you know, like, obviously podcast fame is the smallest fucking slice of fame one could ever have.

[34:00] But it is very strange.

[34:02] Like, you get, like, a taste of having people know who you are when you do, like, a live show or something, right?

[34:10] And, like, you go and do these things.

[34:11] And don't get me wrong, listeners.

[34:14] I really appreciate that people care about what we do.

[34:17] And I love talking to people.

[34:19] But it is very strange to have people excited to see you.

[34:24] Because you're like, wait a minute.

[34:26] I know I'm me.

[34:27] So why do you care about that?

Stuart Wellington

[34:29] I'm not even excited to see me.

Dan McCoy

[34:31] I know how I am.

[34:32] This is not worth it.

[34:34] Like, and to imagine that, like, times a billion.

[34:36] Like, it must be the loneliest life to lead to go through that sort of thing.

Chris Weitz

[34:42] Yeah, I think it must be very strange.

[34:44] Actually, what you're saying reminded me of when I write a character and anyone has any genuine emotional response to that character.

[34:51] And I just think, no, this is some bullshit that I know it's wrong to think about.

Dan McCoy

[34:56] I think that's, I think that's...

Elliott Kalan

[34:57] I remember I was sitting in my underwear and I typed this.

[35:00] I don't...

[35:01] I think that's the secret behind, like, George Lucas and J.K. Rowling and stuff like that.

[35:06] Is that people are like, oh, but what about this tiny detail?

[35:08] And they're like, I don't know.

[35:09] I just made it up someday.

[35:10] And then I don't care.

[35:11] I don't think about that stuff.

[35:14] And, of course, J.K. Rowling is dedicated to bit by bit destroying everything that she's built.

[35:18] But George Lucas tried to as much as he could and just could not accomplish it.

[35:25] But I think it was when J.K. Rowling started talking about that.

[35:28] Was it a real thing when she talked about how her wizards would poop in their pants and then magic away the poop?

[35:32] I think that was an assistant.

Stuart Wellington

[35:34] I think it was an assistant.

[35:36] But, you know, I think it tracks.

[35:37] Like, if you look at the novels, there's nothing in there that says they don't shit their pants and then magic it away.

[35:42] Are there any scenes of Harry going to the bathroom?

Elliott Kalan

[35:44] I don't think so.

Stuart Wellington

[35:45] Well, it goes to Moaning Myrtle, like, right?

[35:50] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[35:51] There's a ghost in the bathroom.

Dan McCoy

[35:53] Why did she live in the toilet?

[35:55] Anyway.

[35:55] That's where she died, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[35:56] She died there, dude.

[35:57] Yeah, come on.

[35:59] Have some respect for a ghost.

Dan McCoy

[36:01] Here's the...

[36:03] Did she say whether the wizards would poop in their pants?

[36:06] Well, where is they pooping, Dan?

[36:07] At a window?

[36:09] Well, I thought it was just, like, wherever they were.

[36:12] I felt like in, like, a tuba?

[36:13] Yeah, in their pants.

Chris Weitz

[36:13] I don't remember the controversy, but was this all to prevent people having the image of wizards sitting on a toilet?

[36:22] Like, was it the joke?

[36:23] I don't think that was too undignified, so they had to magic away their poop?

[36:26] It was...

Elliott Kalan

[36:27] Let's not talk about her.

[36:28] I think she was talking about a day...

[36:29] It was just about days of old when nights were bold and toilets hadn't been invented.

[36:33] You know?

[36:33] When people just dropped their loads by roads and they were quite contented.

[36:36] But wizards, of course, would magic it away.

Dan McCoy

[36:39] Yeah, she said some tremendously terrible things, so let's not even bother making fun of her.

Elliott Kalan

[36:43] Okay, so Twilight, New Moon, you shot it, what, in Portland?

Chris Weitz

[36:47] No, Vancouver.

[36:48] Canadian Portland.

[36:49] Oddly, though, after a visit to Portland to see the original locations so that we could copy them kind of brick by brick, basically.

[37:00] So we rebuilt a facade of Bella's house because everything is watched very closely by the Twihards.

[37:07] And you will know if you've made a mistake.

[37:09] You will be called out before, actually, the movie comes out because they'll see pictures from on set.

[37:16] So there's a huge controversy when Edward's SUV was brown and not whatever color it was supposed to be before that.

[37:26] But that was the deal that we got from Volvo, man.

Dan McCoy

[37:30] Now, I've seen, I think, the first three of these movies.

[37:37] Maybe just the first two.

[37:41] That's Twilight, New Moon, and Twilight, The Search for Spock.

[37:45] I apologize, Chris, for not remembering witches and witch.

[37:49] Is the baseball scene in...

[37:50] No, there are no witches at all.

[37:52] You're thinking True Blood season two, Dan.

[37:55] Which one has the baseball in it?

[37:57] Was that yours?

[37:58] That would be the first one.

Chris Weitz

[38:01] I could not, for the life of me, think of how to shoot that.

Dan McCoy

[38:03] Well, that's what I was about to ask.

[38:06] When you get a source material that has, let's say, difficult...

[38:12] Cuckoo bananas.

[38:13] Difficult, yes, to visualize elements like sparkly vampires.

[38:18] What do you do in those situations?

Chris Weitz

[38:21] I think the only way that you can actually survive is to take it all quite seriously.

[38:28] So I do remember saying something like,

[38:31] so we're going to really, we're going to revamp...

[38:33] No, I didn't say it that way, actually.

[38:34] That would have been great.

[38:35] Because I winked.

[38:36] And then you winked at people.

Stuart Wellington

[38:38] With a gleam in your head.

[38:40] We're going to try and look for the sparkle on the vampires.

Chris Weitz

[38:47] Yeah, like, it was to take it all quite seriously.

[38:50] Well, I think I told you guys the story about how I didn't want Taylor Swift to be in the movie because it would throw people too much from the reality of the movie.

[39:00] They would say two tailors in one movie?

Elliott Kalan

[39:04] Yeah.

[39:05] Impossible.

[39:06] What is this, Fiddler on the Roof?

[39:08] There's only one Taylor.

[39:09] My total, but still.

[39:11] What is this, Tinker, Taylor, Taylor's Five?

Chris Weitz

[39:13] Take it very seriously.

Stuart Wellington

[39:16] Tinker, Taylor, Taylor's Five.

Elliott Kalan

[39:18] We're out of soldiers.

[39:19] Can I throw in an extra Taylor?

[39:21] It's not really the same thing.

[39:23] Please.

[39:24] My boss is going to fire me if I don't close this account.

Dan McCoy

[39:26] Okay, what if I give you three Taylors?

Elliott Kalan

[39:28] Look, everyone knows that it's Colin Firth who did it anyway.

[39:31] So just take this extra Taylor.

[39:33] So, sorry, but you were saying.

[39:35] So what was Taylor Swift?

[39:35] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Chris Weitz

[39:36] You know, like very seriously going into the designing of the Volturi, you know, palace thing.

[39:43] You know, like you got to take everything with dead seriousness.

[39:48] Which actually is also like it would have been lame to be sort of ironic about the way that I was making it.

[39:52] Actually, at the time, I remember thinking like this is going to be, you know, like the first one was kind of poppy and cool and fun.

[40:00] And this was going to be sort of widescreen, sort of lush presentation.

Elliott Kalan

[40:05] It was going to be the Empire Strikes Back to the first one, Star Wars, where you're going to like deepen it and like make it like a little more sophisticated.

Stuart Wellington

[40:13] And Michael Sheen was in this one, right?

[40:16] Michael Sheen was, and he was so much fun.

[40:18] I feel like he's like the perfect guy for that kind of thing because he, man, he's, oh, I love that guy.

[40:25] I mean, we just did.

[40:25] He will go for it.

[40:26] Do little.

Chris Weitz

[40:27] He came out unscathed.

[40:30] He really just, he enjoyed himself, but without kind of being like one of the sort of British guys that you hire who are just kind of chewing the scenery and winking at the audience at the same time.

[40:42] He was deeply into it.

[40:45] And yeah, he said he was basing his character on the blue meanies from Yellow Submarine.

[40:52] That is amazing.

[40:54] And then Dakota Fanning, lovely Dakota Fanning, was a huge Twihard.

[41:02] And so she was able, we were able to get her to be in this movie.

[41:06] It's like a relatively small part.

[41:07] But, you know, she has like five lines, but is amazing and kind of creepy.

Elliott Kalan

[41:13] Actually, she, I, it's, there's a lot I don't remember from the movie, but I remember her very well from it, even though it was not a huge one.

[41:19] Why is that?

[41:20] Just because it's been a while and, you know, I've seen the, I've seen the other movies in the series so many times, but I've only seen that one the one time.

[41:28] So, you know, I'm like, oh, is it like the scene in Twilight 4 when they're fighting over that lava pit?

[41:34] No, no, no.

[41:34] What about the scene where he's climbing the Empire State Building and he's got Bella in his hand?

[41:40] No, no, wait.

[41:40] Hold on.

[41:40] That's, that's, that's King Kong.

[41:42] Hold on.

[41:43] What about, is it?

[41:43] Yeah, I think I heard you say.

Chris Weitz

[41:46] The best thing to say was that you didn't want to see it again after your first experience in the cinema because nothing would be as great as that.

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] Oh, I was, I know home viewing, it was just not going to match up to that same experience of being there.

Stuart Wellington

[41:57] And get the energy of the crowd, you know, the energy of the crowd in the theater.

[42:01] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[42:02] It's just, it was just a, it was just such a beautiful experience.

[42:04] I was like, I don't think my system can handle it a second time.

Chris Weitz

[42:07] So you're saying you forgot all about it.

[42:09] And what can I remind you of?

Elliott Kalan

[42:11] Well, I remember.

[42:12] So was it in the novel that the werewolves don't like to wear shirts when they're people?

Chris Weitz

[42:17] That's a good question.

[42:18] Yes.

[42:18] I think that's right.

[42:20] I think so.

[42:22] It wasn't just because I like seeing cute boys with no shirts on.

[42:27] I mean, that's fair.

[42:28] No, it's because they run super hot.

[42:31] They're feverish, right?

[42:32] All the time.

[42:33] They run like 106 feet at all times.

[42:37] That makes sense.

[42:38] Obviously.

Elliott Kalan

[42:39] Yeah.

[42:39] I mean, it must be.

Dan McCoy

[42:40] They're hot blooded.

[42:40] Check it and see.

Elliott Kalan

[42:42] Like you're saying, you're taking it really seriously.

[42:44] And it feels like that, that sounds like the best way to have fun with a project like that

[42:47] probably is to take it seriously and to really like get into the details of it and want it

[42:52] to be as cool as you can make it.

Chris Weitz

[42:55] I think I wanted it to be as good for the fans as I could make it, as much of a fan-pleasing

[43:03] experience.

[43:04] But I actually also remember being deeply depressed the whole time I was making it.

[43:08] Oh, no.

[43:09] Sorry to bring you back there.

[43:10] But that, for a while, it used to be that way.

[43:12] So American Pie, I was super happy while I was making it.

[43:15] It was just the best thing.

[43:16] And I was like, oh, this is for me.

[43:17] This is like a filmmaker's life for me.

[43:22] And then every movie afterwards, I just kind of realized how much I could screw up or how

[43:29] things could go wrong and how often you were foiled doing it and trying to do what you

[43:33] want to do.

[43:34] And so it became this incredibly stressful experience.

[43:37] And I usually fall into a depression at some point during the process.

Dan McCoy

[43:41] Well, that's what I wanted to ask.

[43:43] Oh, sorry.

[43:44] Ellie, do you want to?

[43:44] No, you go ahead.

Elliott Kalan

[43:45] I'll save my question.

Dan McCoy

[43:46] Well, I wanted to ask, you know, like, not to, I don't want to make you feel any worse.

Elliott Kalan

[43:54] Is this really, if anything that needs this many mea culpas ahead of time, I don't know.

[43:57] No, no, no.

[43:58] This doesn't sound good.

[43:59] Like anyone I know who's been in show business.

[44:01] But how do you sleep at night?

Dan McCoy

[44:04] How dare you?

[44:07] Basically, anyone I know who's been in show business for a long time seems very, very weary

[44:13] all the time.

[44:14] And I was just wondering what you thought was the most sort of pleasant and like personally

[44:21] rewarding experience, whether or not it was, you know, regardless of product.

Chris Weitz

[44:28] Well, I think as a part of filmmaking, I think editing is my joy.

[44:36] I love it.

[44:37] It's like video games and puzzles and watching movies and, you know, finding little Easter

[44:45] eggs all the time.

[44:48] And that's really great.

[44:50] You know, specifically, I guess making American Pie is hard to beat in terms of just how much

[44:57] fun it was from beginning to end because not knowing all the things that could go wrong

[45:02] or, you know, not knowing, not having any expectations whatsoever.

[45:07] And then, you know, about a boy, I think the final result was really sort of delightful.

[45:14] And the way that people received it, that was the super gratifying experience.

Elliott Kalan

[45:18] I was going to ask before, you've made kind of like big budget, kind of big scope movies

[45:24] and you've made smaller kind of human sized movies.

[45:27] And I wondered if you felt more comfortable with the one or the other, with the human sized

[45:33] ones or with the ones where you get to do whatever you want or not whatever you want.

Chris Weitz

[45:36] Yeah, I think I've figured it out now, which is my ideal movie to direct now would be two

[45:43] people sitting at a table talking.

[45:45] Like I don't want it.

[45:47] I realized that the reason that I'm not particularly good at directing action is that I don't really

[45:51] like it.

[45:51] I mean, I get it.

[45:52] It's fine.

[45:52] But, you know, like the last movie I made, Operation Finale, I had a couple of car chases

[45:57] in it and I was like, OK, well, are they going to catch them or they won't?

[46:01] And so why don't we get to the part where they do or they don't catch them rather than having

[46:05] to do all the stuff where, you know, cars are doing unlikely things.

[46:10] And so, yeah, I like that.

[46:11] I like now.

[46:12] I think I really like the small ones.

[46:14] And the problem with directing the really huge ones is you think you've got all of these

[46:17] amazing.

[46:17] You do have incredible resources at your disposal, but the stress level is so high because having

[46:23] spent so much money on these things, the studio is freaking out constantly and, you know,

[46:31] quite reasonably expecting you to make a movie that will pay back at least part of their

[46:34] investment.

[46:36] So that that's super stressful.

[46:37] So I think I think little movies are the way to go these days.

Stuart Wellington

[46:41] And I was going to ask with having worked on Twilight New Moon, even though it was a kind of a

[46:47] different role, you then went on to work on Star Wars Rogue One.

[46:52] Did any of your experiences working in an existing like universe or an existing like novel inform

[46:59] how you approached working on a Star Wars movie?

Chris Weitz

[47:03] I mean, that was a bit different just because I, you know, I, I, from age seven, I was completely

[47:09] all about Star Wars all the time, although it was only really the original trilogy.

[47:14] Not, you know, so I was like, I feel like ultra orthodox.

[47:17] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[47:17] You weren't pitching on that Sebulba spinoff?

[47:22] The bulb.

[47:24] That's about, that's about when he was a detective.

Stuart Wellington

[47:27] Like a, what, a Grand Admiral Thrawn origin picture or something?

Chris Weitz

[47:33] Um, nope.

[47:34] You wanted no part of it.

[47:36] Um, you know, I, I knew what I liked.

[47:38] So actually really there, there, I kind of knew I was the choir that I was preaching to.

[47:43] So, so that was kind of great.

[47:45] You know, I, I think, um, uh, like that's as close as I've ever, uh, been to making a fan,

[47:53] a fan film, right?

[47:54] It was like, it was fanfic, although not slashfic, but you know.

Dan McCoy

[47:57] Um, well, I don't know.

[48:00] Yeah.

[48:01] I can imagine that being fun because like, I remember there was a time that I wrote a

[48:05] Simpsons spec script and it was like, like, you know, at that point, the Simpsons had

[48:09] already been on the air for like 16, 17 years or whatever.

[48:13] And I was like, this is the worst thing to write a spec script for because no one's going to

[48:17] care.

[48:18] No one's going to look at this and be like, yeah, that's the hip new show that you're writing

[48:21] a spec script.

[48:22] But like, it was also just so much more enjoyable because I'm like, okay, this is a thing that

[48:26] I grew up with.

[48:28] And I feel like I know who these people are.

Chris Weitz

[48:32] Absolutely.

[48:33] I mean, yeah, that, that was, I actually, I should say in terms of, of sort of peak experiences,

[48:36] just getting to, uh, work on that was, was up there because it was what I felt like I'd

[48:42] sort of been heading toward my whole life, uh, really.

[48:45] And I just like that.

[48:47] And, and one of the most, uh, intense experiences, uh, in Hollywood for me was to go to that first,

[48:53] uh, meeting where I knew that, that there was a possibility I could write a Star Wars

[48:58] movie, not knowing what it was going to be because everything is like super top secret or whatever.

[49:03] Um, and then finding out it was going to be for, you know, the story of the, the opening

[49:07] crawl.

[49:07] It was like, this is sort of a full, full circle, like weird parallel universe experience.

[49:13] That was cool.

[49:15] Cool.

Dan McCoy

[49:17] Cool.

[49:18] Okay.

[49:19] All right.

[49:20] Okay.

[49:21] Well, that's the way Stuart ends his interview.

[49:23] Cool.

[49:24] Yeah.

[49:24] Cool.

Elliott Kalan

[49:25] And then takes a drink.

Dan McCoy

[49:28] So Chris, uh, you want to ask us anything?

Elliott Kalan

[49:34] Well, now you get your questions.

[49:36] Well, that way this is, now we have to do the thing where it goes, we go, what's next for

[49:40] Chris Weitz?

Chris Weitz

[49:43] Um, gosh, uh, putting children to bed, uh, which involves a lot of shouting somehow.

[49:49] I get it.

[49:50] And so many, telling people the same thing over and over again.

Elliott Kalan

[49:52] It's just fucking, oh, half, half my day is me going, Sammy, brush your teeth, brush your

[49:58] teeth, brush your teeth, brush your teeth, brush your teeth, brush your teeth.

[50:01] And he's like, daddy, let me tell you about brush your teeth.

[50:03] Let me tell you about this thing.

[50:04] Brush your teeth.

[50:05] Do you think a snake could beat an owl in a fight?

[50:07] Brush your teeth.

[50:08] Like that's the, and that we did do research on that.

[50:10] That sounds like fun.

[50:11] At least he's saying something.

[50:12] It turns out that the snake and the owl, it depends on the snake, it depends on the owl.

[50:16] Really.

Chris Weitz

[50:18] Well, definitely if you go by the Mexican flag, right?

[50:20] There's a, there's a, an eagle kicking the shit out of an, out of a snake.

[50:24] Yeah, yeah.

[50:25] But I think.

[50:25] So I'd imagine that another raptor would be able to handle it.

Elliott Kalan

[50:28] The colonial flag before Mexico gained independence shows the eagle paying off the snake.

[50:32] Oh, wow.

[50:33] To throw the flag.

[50:34] Oh, it's all, yeah, it's all, yeah, it's all, yeah, it's all, yeah, the snake is the, is

[50:39] the snake, actually, the thing is, the snake is the baby face and the eagle is the heel.

[50:42] And it's all being set up so that you're like, snake, come on, snake, win it back.

[50:46] But they never made the next flag.

[50:48] So I guess we never.

Stuart Wellington

[50:49] I mean, he doesn't even have arms and legs and wings and shit.

[50:52] Like, that's unfair.

[50:53] You gotta root for him.

[50:56] Yeah, it's true.

Chris Weitz

[50:56] He's the underdog.

[50:56] Well, here's the thing is like, do I have questions for you?

[50:59] It's like this weird experience of the fact that you have, I have heard you speak more

[51:03] than you will probably ever hear me speak, right?

[51:07] And because we've had our conversations together, but I've heard hundreds of, hundreds of hours

[51:13] of you guys talking to each other.

Dan McCoy

[51:14] Like, I know everything I need to know, you know?

[51:16] I've been meaning to talk to you about that, Chris.

[51:19] If you could just tape yourself and email it to me, that would be.

[51:22] Just talking and talking.

[51:24] Just to work out the imbalance.

[51:25] Payback.

Elliott Kalan

[51:26] Yeah.

[51:28] So, okay.

[51:29] So, let's say the Flophouse movie is getting made.

[51:33] You're going to meet with us.

[51:34] Yep.

[51:35] What's your take?

[51:36] What's your angle on it?

[51:37] Oh, wow.

Chris Weitz

[51:39] Yeah.

[51:39] Okay.

[51:40] I'd say, I'd probably say we know about the podcast.

[51:49] What about the podcasters?

[51:51] What do they do in their lives outside of the podcast?

[51:56] It'd be kind of a Shakespeare in love maybe kind of thing.

[51:59] Cool.

[51:59] And like maybe it would be about an episode, but how your kind of action-packed lives outside

[52:06] of it influence the way that that episode goes.

[52:09] I like it.

[52:10] Maybe we do a little sort of like a weird sort of narrative jumping back and forth.

[52:15] Like I was just watching this movie Assassin by, what is it?

[52:20] It's a Japanese film by Shinoda.

[52:25] Or like, yeah, some kind of like Japanese samurai film where they're like talking about the first

[52:30] time they met somebody and then you flash back to that.

[52:33] Yeah, I think I'd like that.

[52:33] Or maybe an origin story actually.

[52:35] Oh, wow.

[52:35] Maybe how you three guys met.

Elliott Kalan

[52:37] Maybe like a rise of?

[52:37] Yeah.

[52:38] One of those rise ofs?

[52:40] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:42] I was hoping that you were going to say, Chris, that Dan inherits an old movie theater

[52:47] and we all have to get a little bit of it.

Chris Weitz

[52:51] I think that's the sitcom picture.

Stuart Wellington

[52:53] Oh, right, right, right, right.

Chris Weitz

[52:55] Well, I mean, the real great one is like it has always been where I sort of play this

[53:02] kind of this long con and like befriend you guys and eventually take my terrible revenge.

[53:12] I've joked about this before, but even that is part of the long con.

[53:16] It's just, you know, to really sort of get you guys to trust me.

Stuart Wellington

[53:21] I know what you did eight years ago, nine years ago.

Chris Weitz

[53:28] I know what you did on that podcast and so does everybody else.

Dan McCoy

[53:31] I know the thing that you did that did not harm my career at all because who gives a shit

[53:39] about these three assholes?

[53:41] It's a long title that, you know, okay.

Chris Weitz

[53:43] My filthy take on I Know YouTube was always, I blew who you did last summer.

[53:49] I don't know why.

[53:51] And that was like a joke that I told myself.

Dan McCoy

[53:58] Yeah.

[53:58] The problem is with Twitter, the jokes that I tell myself are now the jokes I tell everyone.

[54:03] Unfortunately.

[54:04] Yeah.

[54:04] That is a problem.

Chris Weitz

[54:07] Although Dan.

[54:08] Actually, which reminds me that I saw a picture of the Yoda statue outside of Lucasfilm Presidio

[54:16] with the words, matter black lives do written in green, you know, spray painted in green underneath

[54:24] it.

[54:24] And my first thought was, where were you when I needed you, you green fuck?

[54:28] Because when I was, when I was, you know, calling out the Empire for white supremacy, I was getting

[54:36] all kinds of hate, hate tweets and emails and stuff.

[54:40] Where was Yoda?

[54:41] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[54:41] I like that.

[54:42] I like that graffiti because it's, they use, that Yoda use green.

[54:46] So, you know, for sure it's Yoda.

[54:47] That's the only indicator.

[54:49] Right.

[54:49] It's reassuring.

[54:51] It's the only color you can see.

[54:52] Oh, wow.

[54:52] That's kind of sad, actually.

[54:55] That's why he's on Dagobah.

[54:56] It's like very green.

[54:57] Yeah.

[54:57] That makes sense.

Elliott Kalan

[54:58] He's big on branding.

[54:59] No wonder he was hitting Argedito with his stick so much.

[55:01] He couldn't see him.

[55:02] He was just trying to figure out where that guy was.

Dan McCoy

[55:05] Oh, guys.

[55:06] I think we're winding down and I'm getting really hot.

[55:09] It's on air-conditioned room.

Elliott Kalan

[55:10] Dan's tired.

[55:11] We went through a chunk of Chris's career.

[55:15] We started a new celebrity feud, Chris versus Yoda.

Dan McCoy

[55:18] I will have Chris White back on the show anytime he wants to come back.

[55:24] I just, you know.

Chris Weitz

[55:25] Gentlemen, it's been an honor.

Dan McCoy

[55:27] Thank you so much for being with us and letting us needle you about your career while learning

[55:35] great things about your career.

[55:37] Before I was great.

[55:38] I think I may have missed bath time, which would be the best.

Stuart Wellington

[55:42] That's kind of why I scheduled the podcast when I did is because I was trying to skip bath time.

[55:47] Yeah, but it's your bath story.

[55:49] I know.

[55:50] But I don't like baths.

[55:52] You're like, oh, sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[55:54] I missed bath time.

[55:55] I guess it's stinky stew in bed again tonight.

Stuart Wellington

[55:59] Before we wrap up, we should mention again that we just posted our live show on YouTube.

[56:07] And that's a live show that is for charity where we talk about Howard the Duck.

[56:11] And I think as of the day that this releases, we're still accepting receipts of donations of $20 or more.

[56:20] You can go to FlophousePodcast.com to find out information about that.

[56:24] We've already received an overwhelming amount of donations, which is amazing.

[56:29] I'm kind of blown away.

[56:32] Anything else you guys want to add?

Dan McCoy

[56:34] Yeah, we've had over 900 emails sent to us with proof of donation.

[56:41] And each of those is a minimum $20 donation because they're raffle entries.

[56:47] So you can do the math, but that's the minimum of what we've made.

[56:50] And I mean, eventually we will.

[56:53] Not that we've made.

Elliott Kalan

[56:54] We're going to.

[56:55] It's in donations.

[56:55] Well, yes.

[56:56] None of that money.

[56:56] Made for charity.

[56:58] Made for charity, Elliot.

[56:59] I want everyone to be clear.

[57:00] The money did not go to us.

[57:02] It is for charity.

Dan McCoy

[57:02] Well, I don't know how it could have, Elliot, because we were sending people directly to charities.

[57:07] But sure.

[57:08] Let's make it clear.

Elliott Kalan

[57:08] But the charity we were sending them to was the Flophouse Institute for Special Charity Studies.

[57:14] All for charity.

Dan McCoy

[57:17] And we donated $10K ourselves to charity.

[57:21] We're so proud of all of the listeners who donated.

[57:25] We're so glad that they were able to do so.

[57:29] Yes, for the raffle, we will be accepting proof of donation the day that this drops still.

[57:38] That will be the last day that we'll be accepting it for the raffle.

[57:41] But, you know, for your own karma, for your own beliefs, to help people, you can donate whenever you like.

[57:49] There are other reasons to donate besides to just win Flophouse merchandise.

Elliott Kalan

[57:53] As strange as that sounds.

[57:54] Yes.

[57:54] So please keep doing it.

Dan McCoy

[57:56] But thank you, yes, Stuart.

[57:57] If you go to the Flophouse YouTube page, which is youtube.com slash C slash the Flophouse podcast, or you can just Google it.

Stuart Wellington

[58:05] Yeah.

[58:05] Dan, are you leaving the door open for people to send you receipts of donations?

[58:11] And in exchange, you'll send them nudes?

[58:13] Because I think there's an audience for it.

[58:17] It's not just me.

[58:18] I think there's other people that'd be into that.

Dan McCoy

[58:21] Not just you.

[58:21] Thank you.

[58:22] We can talk off air about that.

Elliott Kalan

[58:23] By the way, Dan, I am not in the market for that.

[58:25] So please don't accept any receipts.

Dan McCoy

[58:28] You have increased the...

[58:31] I'm not going to say that.

[58:32] I was going to say I was going to increase the...

[58:33] You were increasing the likelihood of me sending you nude, but I don't even want to joke about non-consensual nude sending.

[58:39] So, yeah.

[58:41] No, thank you all.

[58:42] Yes.

[58:43] Thank you all for your amazing generosity.

[58:46] And that show is up to watch whenever you might want to.

[58:50] It is much longer than we intended, so it's better to watch it now after the fact when you can stop it and go do other stuff in the middle.

Elliott Kalan

[58:58] Maybe skip the third or fourth time we talk about whether ducks can have boobs or not.

[59:06] Yeah.

[59:06] And so, Chris, do you have anything that you'd like to either plug or increase awareness of before we go?

Chris Weitz

[59:14] No.

[59:14] I mean, I certainly don't have anything to plug, and I think that people are aware of what they should be aware of exactly right now.

[59:20] So I don't think anything I could add would actually...

[59:23] I mean, I'm going to...

[59:24] You know, I keep on thinking my next tweet is really going to push civil rights over the top in this country.

Elliott Kalan

[59:31] There's so many times, especially during the quarantine, I've had to be like, hey, pay attention to your children.

[59:36] There's no way that the tweet you are working on right now is going to get Trump removed from office or end racism.

[59:42] So you might as well do something else.

[59:44] I'm like, you're right, brain.

[59:45] You're right.

[59:48] Yeah.

[59:48] You can try that.

Dan McCoy

[59:50] Okay.

[59:50] Well, thank you, everyone.

[59:52] Thank you, listeners, for listening.

[59:55] We love you all.

[59:57] Be safe.

[59:59] Do good in the world.

[1:00:00] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:03] I've been Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:05] I'm Elliot Kalin, thanking our very special guest, who is...

[1:00:09] Chris Weitz.

Chris Weitz

[1:00:10] Thank you, guys.

[1:00:12] Thank you all out there in Flophouse land, all the flops at sea.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:19] Good night, everyone, if you're like Chris and are listening to us as you go to sleep.

[1:00:24] Shh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:25] Bye.

Justin McElroy

[1:00:31] We are the host of My Brother, My Brother, and Me.

[1:00:33] And now, nearly 10 years into our podcast, the secret can be revealed.

[1:00:38] All the clues are in place, and the world's greatest treasure hunt can now begin.

[1:00:42] Embedded in each episode of My Brother, My Brother, and Me is a micro clue that will lead you to 14 precious gemstones all around this big, beautiful, blue world of ours.

[1:00:52] So start combing through the episodes.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:54] Let's say starting at episode 101 on.

Justin McElroy

[1:00:57] Yeah, the early episodes are pretty problematic, so there's no clues in those episodes.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:02] No, no, not at all.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:03] The better ones, the good ones, clues ahoy.

Justin McElroy

[1:01:05] Listen to every episode repeatedly in sequence.

[1:01:09] Laugh if you must, but mainly get all the great clues.

[1:01:13] My Brother, My Brother, and Me, it's an advice show, kind of, but a treasure hunt mainly.

[1:01:18] Anywhere you find podcasts or treasure maps.

[1:01:20] My Brother, My Brother, and Me, the hunt is on!

FH Mini 9 - Return to New Moon

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