The Flop House Post Election Mood Enhancer - Bratz Commentary

Dan McCoy

[0:00] We're going to sit down now.

Elliott Kalan

[0:01] Oh, God, I can't find my seat.

[0:03] Here, just let me put my hand on your butt,

[0:05] and I'll guide it to the seat.

[0:07] Okay, check, check.

Stuart Wellington

[0:10] So this is a story of a crew battle, right?

[0:12] I wanted to see this.

[0:13] Rats and Barbie.

Elliott Kalan

[0:14] Okay, now, this is the famous Comic Sans credit font.

Dan McCoy

[0:22] There is a terrorist in one of these houses.

Stuart Wellington

[0:26] That's an asterisk, right?

[0:28] Yeah.

[0:29] Even their clocks have gratitude.

Elliott Kalan

[0:31] Even their eye thingies have gratitude.

Dan McCoy

[0:34] So this is basically the beginning of Pee-wee's big adventure.

Elliott Kalan

[0:41] Now, all of these characters were pretending to sleep.

[0:44] There's no way that...

[0:47] Nobody has ever woken up like this.

Dan McCoy

[0:51] You got that much gratitude.

[0:53] You're excited to start the...

Elliott Kalan

[0:55] Now, you know she's Hispanic because she said chicas.

[0:57] That's a verbal cue.

Dan McCoy

[0:59] Yeah, there's nothing about her looks that might suggest that she's Hispanic.

[1:04] But this movie will tell you that she is.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07] That's a closet?

[1:08] Now, we could have a drinking game where you drink whenever you see clothes,

[1:13] but you would be dead already.

[1:14] Girls.

[1:15] Girls.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15] We're struck dumb.

[1:39] Now, when she mentioned killer plunge before, how many of you assumed she meant someone fell

Elliott Kalan

[1:56] off a mountain and died?

[1:57] Now, if you want to know what I'm wearing, shoes to die for, let's go.

[2:05] And yes, you can believe your eyes.

[2:06] Kadeem Hardison is in this film.

Dan McCoy

[2:08] This movie has more split screens than a De Palma film.

Stuart Wellington

[2:12] Did she just lock herself in her evidence dungeon?

Elliott Kalan

[2:16] That's her panic closet.

[2:17] That's her panic wardrobe.

Stuart Wellington

[2:19] My favorite character.

Elliott Kalan

[2:22] Now, this character is the Loki of the film.

[2:24] He's the trickster figure.

[2:26] The coyote, if you will.

[2:30] He also has hair like Wolverine.

Stuart Wellington

[2:35] Yeah, he's young Wolverine.

[2:36] He's young gay Wolverine.

[2:38] He's possessed by the spirit of David Faustino.

Dan McCoy

[2:48] His hair got so much flatter.

[2:50] The most Jewish Latina woman ever.

Elliott Kalan

[2:55] They also have a mariachi band, so I guess their kitchen is a subway car.

[3:03] I thought that...

[3:04] It's drugs.

[3:08] Like, why else would it be in a shopping bag?

[3:11] I'm going to have paper.

Dan McCoy

[3:22] Elliot, is that actually Spanish for chocolate?

Stuart Wellington

[3:25] I don't think so.

[3:26] Oh, don't put it in there.

[3:27] Oh, it's going to be all good now.

Elliott Kalan

[3:33] Can't even get the toaster.

[3:34] There he is.

[3:35] It's because he's not wearing his glasses.

Stuart Wellington

[3:36] TV is Dwayne Wayne, everyone.

Elliott Kalan

[3:38] And he's not cool anymore, that's for sure.

[3:42] Can people hear...

[3:43] Well, you'd use the toaster oven, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[3:44] Can people hear the actual movie?

[3:47] I'm worried that it's a little low.

[3:54] Evie Ored, who produced all of the Marvel films.

[4:01] Avi Ored.

[4:02] Avi?

S4

[4:05] Why can't the two of you just talk to each other?

[4:07] I'm the kid.

[4:09] You're supposed to be the adult.

Elliott Kalan

[4:10] Even though I dress like an older slut.

Dan McCoy

[4:18] She teaches them so much.

[4:21] Wait.

[4:22] Guys, brats have problems too.

[4:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:29] They got a lot of terror problems at the high school.

[4:39] Bye, mom, bye, dad.

[4:40] Are you...

[4:40] I am...

[4:41] I am...

[4:41] Jay!

[4:42] Jay!

[4:43] Jay!

Elliott Kalan

[4:43] Jay!

[4:43] So were you...

[4:44] Are you offended yet?

[4:44] Because you will be.

[4:47] Now remember, Jay, you have knackies, science class, your mom and...

[4:52] Talk about a tiger brats, mom.

[4:54] ...have a brats, please.

[4:55] School!

[4:56] I'm sitting here once.

[4:56] I gotta go.

[4:57] Life as a brat is so hard.

[5:17] This is so accurate.

[5:18] That's the thing.

[5:19] This is exactly what I remember high school is like.

[5:21] A million people doing everything in the world all at once.

Dan McCoy

[5:25] Yeah, this is like...

[5:27] This is like a Where's Waldo book.

Elliott Kalan

[5:32] They also go to school at a high security prison.

[5:34] I think we've got to mention that.

[5:36] Carrie Nation, huh?

[5:38] That's right.

[5:39] Famed temperance advocate Carrie Nation.

[5:43] Oh, boy.

Stuart Wellington

[5:43] Oh, klutzy brat.

Dan McCoy

[5:46] Oh, man.

[5:48] Now she's gonna have to sing tequila.

[5:52] Hi, guys.

[5:52] Hey, girl.

[5:54] Okay.

[5:55] It's a big school.

[5:56] It's the first day.

[5:57] We're just freshmen.

S4

[5:58] What have you gotta do?

Elliott Kalan

[5:59] Who are you talking to?

[6:02] Do they have, like, a pet turtle?

[6:09] Ominous.

[6:10] Ominous.

[6:11] Can you be an F for F?

[6:13] We'll find out.

[6:17] She's going to the bathroom, I guess.

[6:20] She changes clothes like a Muppet.

[6:29] Wait.

Elliott Kalan

[6:29] She changes clothes like a Muppet.

[6:31] Throw up.

[6:32] Throw up.

[6:32] 30 kids screaming.

[6:34] Yeah.

[6:34] I think I'll throw up.

Stuart Wellington

[6:35] She says, I'm owning the sign.

S4

[6:39] Okay.

[6:39] Work the idea, girl.

[6:41] But please don't lose your passion for fashion.

[6:43] Just to keep mom and dad off my back.

Stuart Wellington

[6:45] Oh, man.

[6:47] How many pieces of clothes are she wearing?

Dan McCoy

[6:53] Oh, man.

[6:57] Elliot Stewart, I'm confused.

[6:58] Am I supposed to be turned on?

[6:59] I don't under...

[7:00] I don't...

Elliott Kalan

[7:01] I assume...

[7:02] Maybe?

Dan McCoy

[7:04] I mean, wasn't she wearing a schoolgirl outfit before, I feel like?

Elliott Kalan

[7:08] It's actually a less sexy outfit.

[7:10] Yeah.

[7:12] And she dyed her hair somehow.

Stuart Wellington

[7:15] Those are extensions, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[7:18] I want that statue to come to life so badly.

Dan McCoy

[7:21] There she is.

[7:23] Fame-temperous activist Carrie Nation.

Stuart Wellington

[7:26] Okay, now watch this woman, because she's the villain.

[7:28] Oh, I love that dog hair dirt.

[7:30] Avery, please pay attention.

S4

[7:36] I need you to become very familiar with the click-letter-seekal assignment chart.

Stuart Wellington

[7:40] Because, as you can see...

[7:41] This is obviously the hero of the movie, right?

Elliott Kalan

[7:44] Well, what we're about to see here is a metaphor for arbitrary authority oppressing true freedom.

S4

[7:49] The people are slingers, gangsters, wannabe gangsters, the pretzel people who are into yoga.

[7:54] Very different from the greeners who hate anything not made of plan.

[7:58] Then you have the nerds who like to dress like dinosaurs.

[8:01] We all remember them, right?

[8:03] Yeah.

[8:04] Oh, hi, little question.

[8:06] Hey, Meredith.

[8:07] So.

[8:09] Any clubs?

Stuart Wellington

[8:10] Nope.

[8:10] That's a yoga kid, right?

[8:12] Yes.

[8:13] Right?

[8:13] No.

[8:14] Okay.

[8:16] Over.

Elliott Kalan

[8:19] Bratz, that is not a tasteful joke in these times.

[8:21] But they like staying out together.

[8:25] Leave me alone.

[8:26] Whatever.

[8:27] Matt, I really believe very soon.

[8:29] There's another mime waiting to do this.

[8:33] Good, Cameron.

[8:35] Tree hugger.

Dan McCoy

[8:36] Guys, why is she teaching the prom date from Carrie?

[8:38] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[8:41] Oh, I thought he just transferred from the Blue Lagoon school.

[8:47] Okay, now that's...

[8:48] Why would they have a bust of the current principal?

[8:51] Good morning, principal.

S4

[8:53] Yes, Daddy.

[8:55] What is it?

Elliott Kalan

[8:58] He never really recovered from being coughed up by that snake, did he?

[9:01] Hey, separate the inmates into groups.

[9:07] You see, this was your idea.

Stuart Wellington

[9:09] Advanced thinking.

[9:09] Did you get that from Amazon, or...?

[9:11] Okay, Daddy.

S4

[9:12] I told you this more than 50 times.

[9:14] You may not speak to me as well.

Elliott Kalan

[9:17] So, Dan, you had some questions about his mustache?

Dan McCoy

[9:19] I don't understand a man who shaves his mustache so that there's a thin strip of skin above his lip.

[9:27] What is the purpose of that?

Elliott Kalan

[9:28] I guess it's cleaner when he eats soup.

[9:31] I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[9:33] It's easier for kissing, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[9:37] For all those people who want to kiss John Voight on the mouth, yeah.

[9:43] Now, you may realize the Brats have not been in their movie for like an hour now.

[9:51] Uh-oh.

[9:52] What does that music mean?

[9:53] Uh-oh.

[9:56] Here they come.

[9:58] Bringing with them the sounds of the techno Middle East.

[10:04] Oh, no.

[10:06] They did not just walk across this frog touching in.

[10:08] Who is that?

Dan McCoy

[10:10] I mean, there's four of them.

[10:11] I don't know who you're...

[10:12] Uh-oh.

[10:16] Vertigo shot.

[10:22] Good save.

[10:27] I mean, I find them intriguing in a certain...

[10:29] I don't understand what I feel, but...

Elliott Kalan

[10:33] So we've set up the basic plot, Brats versus Big Brother.

[10:38] In a way, Brats are the last freedom fighters.

[10:46] Yep, we all remember them, too.

[10:48] From school.

[10:49] Remember these guys?

Stuart Wellington

[10:56] Some kind of nightmare.

Elliott Kalan

[11:01] Glass, we can't wait.

[11:02] Oh, we love it.

[11:10] It's the first day of class, right?

[11:11] Yeah, but they're already hip deep in their assignments.

Dan McCoy

[11:18] I don't think you can do it that way.

[11:21] I really think you should measure...

Elliott Kalan

[11:23] No, she's the kind of scientist who mixes by taste.

Dan McCoy

[11:25] You should probably measure those.

[11:27] I'm a little worried right now.

Elliott Kalan

[11:29] Well, at the general energy level, I think it's all cocaine anyway.

[11:32] Oh, God.

[11:32] Oh, look at that.

[11:34] She's created something that's not science.

Dan McCoy

[11:39] That is not the Bernoulli effect.

[11:42] The Bernoulli effect is why planes can fly.

[11:45] That's...

Elliott Kalan

[11:45] Yeah, planes can fly because of tiny magic fireworks.

[11:48] No, that's not the...

[11:50] All right.

[11:50] Okay, we're done with science.

[11:52] Forget about Bernoulli.

[11:52] Throw it away.

[11:57] Now, I guess she's the princess of the cheerleaders, and that's why she has a tiara.

[12:01] Now, that's the level.

[12:03] I accept my falcon cheerleaders.

[12:06] Who's got it?

S4

[12:08] You got something better?

[12:09] Oh, you know I do.

[12:11] So bring it.

Elliott Kalan

[12:12] Are they going to make out?

Dan McCoy

[12:14] You can cut the sexual tension with a knife.

Elliott Kalan

[12:20] The brat-tual tension.

[12:21] She brought her own tape?

[12:23] Yeah.

[12:23] Of course she did.

[12:24] Well, no.

[12:25] Whatever button she presses, her song plays.

[12:26] Her skirt doesn't cover her undies.

[12:32] Now, this is really sloppy from a cheer perspective.

[12:35] That's all I want to say.

[12:36] Okay.

[12:46] So how many stunt cheerers do you think they had?

Dan McCoy

[12:55] Eye contact.

[12:56] Eye contact.

[12:57] Again, I think they might be making it later.

[12:59] I don't...

[13:00] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[13:04] Now it's sports.

[13:06] Another area the brats will dominate in.

[13:12] When did this turn into Shaolin soccer dance?

Dan McCoy

[13:16] I feel like it's sort of unfair.

[13:18] Like, the brats are like mutants in X-Men.

[13:20] Like, they're going to...

Elliott Kalan

[13:21] And their mutant power is that they're awesome at everything.

[13:24] Also, they hurt people.

Stuart Wellington

[13:28] Soccer's a team sport, right?

[13:30] Not the way the brats do it.

[13:35] Just get out of her way.

Elliott Kalan

[13:38] If you value your life, get out of her way.

[13:40] Where is the ref?

[13:41] How has she not gotten a card by now?

Stuart Wellington

[13:49] She's bratsing it like Beckham.

[13:55] Classic brats.

[13:56] What do you got here?

[13:58] What do you got here?

[13:58] She's hot.

[14:02] How are you players?

Dan McCoy

[14:04] Good save.

[14:06] I just mean like soccer-wise.

[14:07] She's hot.

[14:08] I mean, come on.

[14:09] You expect my bat at all.

Stuart Wellington

[14:13] Like, she just realized she scored.

[14:15] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[14:18] So this is a class, I guess?

Dan McCoy

[14:21] Okay, I feel like this is unfair.

[14:22] The Asian brat is good at science and fashion.

Elliott Kalan

[14:25] Well, yeah, because her...

[14:26] You know, there's a sweatshop background in her immigrant story.

Stuart Wellington

[14:30] She has a name, Dan.

[14:31] It's Jade.

Elliott Kalan

[14:32] She has a non-offensive name, Dan.

[14:34] It's Jade.

[14:35] Jade.

[14:40] Isn't this an entire subplot in Clueless?

[14:43] Well, it's one scene in Brats.

[14:49] Thanks, Brats.

[14:51] Thanks, dinosaur kid.

Stuart Wellington

[14:52] Hey.

Elliott Kalan

[14:54] Hope you guys enjoyed that teacher,

[14:56] because you're never going to see her again.

Stuart Wellington

[15:00] Oh, man.

[15:00] They need a little attitude, Dan.

[15:02] I like that there's an evacuation route from the music room.

[15:04] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[15:08] She briefly entered bullet time.

[15:14] You're calling.

[15:15] Are you flying?

[15:19] Hello?

S4

[15:22] What?

[15:22] No, but I'm deaf.

[15:24] What?

Dan McCoy

[15:28] Oh, snap.

[15:30] Well, you don't look ignorant,

[15:31] but I guess you can't judge the book, right?

[15:33] Oh.

[15:34] Whoa.

[15:36] Looks like someone got a Brattitude adjustment.

Elliott Kalan

[15:39] Brats are not perfect.

[15:41] They cannot tell that someone who speaks normally is deaf.

Stuart Wellington

[15:48] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[15:55] Uh-oh.

[15:57] So that's the falcon table.

[15:58] They're going to say,

[16:00] give me a seating chart.

[16:01] It's all one day.

[16:06] Hi, guys.

[16:07] I'm Mary,

[16:07] a student body president.

Stuart Wellington

[16:09] I tell you.

[16:09] Oh, face.

[16:10] I thought it was your first time.

[16:12] Oh, thanks,

[16:13] but I think we're good.

[16:14] Oh, it's no problem.

[16:15] I have a seating chart right here.

[16:17] Oh, thanks,

[16:17] but I think we'd rather sit together.

[16:20] Guys, check out those balanced meals.

[16:23] Oh, that's okay.

[16:24] I'm sure we'll find place somewhere.

[16:25] But the lunch courtyard isn't organized that way.

[16:27] Oh, don't worry.

[16:28] We'll pick something up.

[16:31] They're smiling with their mouths,

[16:33] but they're frowning with their eyes.

[16:34] So things seem to be looking pretty up for the brats, huh?

Elliott Kalan

[16:45] Lee bad.

Dan McCoy

[16:49] That was almost a joke, right, Dan?

[16:53] Yeah, sure.

[16:54] It had the form of a joke.

Elliott Kalan

[17:00] So is it fair to say that Meredith rules through terror?

[17:03] Wait, my sister is falling.

[17:06] Hey, hey, James.

S4

[17:08] Come here.

[17:09] Check out this radical theorem.

[17:11] I gotta rap about it later.

Elliott Kalan

[17:17] One by one, we'll pick off the brats.

Dan McCoy

[17:21] Who will rid me of these turbulent brats?

Elliott Kalan

[17:25] We'll strike them where they're weakest,

[17:27] their desire for friendship.

[17:28] And she's the loser.

[17:34] She looks okay.

[17:34] She's happy.

[17:35] Boring brat has nothing to do.

[17:36] The intolerant brat does not have friends.

[17:38] No problems at all.

S4

[17:44] Oh, man.

Dan McCoy

[17:59] Stuart, is this a cell phone commercial?

[18:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[18:04] Usually this is what happens to people when they get married or have children,

[18:07] but for the brats, it's just a matter of school.

Stuart Wellington

[18:14] Look at the desperation in their eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[18:16] Well, this is true cinema because they're telling the story purely through visuals.

[18:21] I mean, until now when the dialogue comes up again.

[18:28] We were going to do cheerleader stuff in the foyer.

[18:31] Hey, guys.

[18:31] Sorry.

[18:32] Have a good time to meet the girls.

[18:34] Can we do it next week?

[18:36] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[18:37] Sure.

[18:38] Happy cats in the cradle in the silver school.

[18:41] Bite your lip.

Stuart Wellington

[18:49] Two years later.

[18:51] What the?

Elliott Kalan

[18:53] What hellish dystopia meet greets us two years after the brats again.

Dan McCoy

[19:03] Apparently, two out of the three brats have cycles of some kind.

[19:09] One has a Vespa, one has a motorcycle.

[19:11] One has a Vespa.

[19:12] Don't try to stop.

[19:14] We can't get done.

Stuart Wellington

[19:15] It's my life.

[19:16] Oh, that's cool cat's car.

[19:18] Ah, it ruined my hair.

[19:20] Hey, you can take the bus.

[19:22] It looks so much older.

S4

[19:23] Yeah.

[19:24] I came up with freaks, and I had no time to show my hair mystique.

[19:29] Word.

[19:30] Word.

Elliott Kalan

[19:33] There's just something so strange about seeing constant policemen walking around.

[19:39] The brats don't even have time to say hello to each other.

Dan McCoy

[19:43] Hey, there's a talent show coming up, guys.

[19:45] That probably won't figure in, Stuart.

[19:46] You should probably forget that.

[19:50] Thanks for fixing that, Jade.

Stuart Wellington

[19:55] Oh, no.

[19:56] No, he's okay.

[20:00] Well, he's really not that interested in women.

[20:02] I gotta...

[20:03] Yeah.

[20:05] Still no friends.

[20:09] Has not made any other friends.

[20:11] Two years of loneliness.

Elliott Kalan

[20:13] Now, Dan, is it necessary for them to be two years later?

[20:17] I don't think so.

Dan McCoy

[20:18] I think that a month or two time gap would be enough to tell this story.

[20:25] Uh-oh.

Stuart Wellington

[20:28] Whoa.

[20:29] Put that on the internet.

Elliott Kalan

[20:34] Does he not like being kissed?

[20:37] What was...

S4

[20:37] Well, well, well.

[20:39] Welcome back to another wonderful year at Cary Nation High School.

[20:44] And now, without further ado, I'm going to introduce to you your very popular president

Stuart Wellington

[20:48] of the student body.

[20:49] My little polywap.

[20:50] My daughter.

[20:53] Meredith Baxter Dimmy.

Dan McCoy

[20:55] So, Elliot, that also is almost a joke.

Elliott Kalan

[20:58] It's like three quarters of the way to being a joke.

[21:00] Yeah.

[21:01] Well, because kids love Meredith Baxter-Bernie jokes.

[21:04] Oh, yeah.

[21:10] No friends.

[21:10] To talk about the talent show, which I will say again, and the fact that besides the coveted

S4

[21:18] golden hatchet, our wonderful arts committee is providing a spectacular grand prize this semester,

[21:23] a college scholarship, the school of your choice.

Elliott Kalan

[21:29] So that's a prize with a cash value of anywhere from nothing to $150,000.

[21:39] So sad.

Dan McCoy

[21:41] In the arms of an angel.

Elliott Kalan

[21:44] Oh, no.

[21:44] They're all dogs that are being put to sleep.

[21:45] Wait, you're not allowed to spit in the bathroom?

[21:48] What the fuck?

[21:50] If there was one place, you should be able to spit.

Stuart Wellington

[21:53] And is that Carrie Nation going to the bathroom on the...

[21:56] Yeah, but she still has her hatchet in her hands.

[22:00] Hi.

[22:02] Oh, good glass.

[22:03] Peach party.

[22:04] Yeah.

[22:05] I thought I didn't even work.

[22:06] I didn't like it.

[22:07] I know.

Dan McCoy

[22:08] I know.

[22:09] Oh, they're almost going to...

[22:10] Oh, no.

[22:11] No, that's...

[22:13] Oh, lip gloss can only go so far.

[22:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:16] So is Carrie Nation on those signs just throwing her poop into the toilet?

[22:20] It's a bank shot, Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[22:22] Don't you do that?

[22:23] No, it's not what anyone does.

[22:24] It's worth extra points.

[22:31] I'll never see you again.

Elliott Kalan

[22:34] They will all pay.

[22:37] Oh, don't cry, Brat, who...

[22:39] What was her thing again?

[22:41] Is she...

[22:42] Latina Brat.

[22:43] She's...

[22:43] Meanwhile, the White House...

[22:45] Oh, yeah.

[22:49] Brat's TNG, the next generation.

[22:52] Oh, man.

[22:55] This is the bitchiest little girl.

[22:58] Is that so I don't have snowy and morning breath?

[23:01] Or is this a dog?

[23:02] Did you make your appointment with extreme-based makeup and that?

[23:07] Slow motion, please.

Dan McCoy

[23:09] So, again, I'm not sure.

[23:10] Am I supposed to be turned on, Elliot?

[23:12] I don't...

Elliott Kalan

[23:13] Well, not until she takes the curler out of the dog's hair.

[23:16] All right.

[23:16] There you go.

S4

[23:17] No, we both two fashion icons are prepared.

Elliott Kalan

[23:20] Yeah.

[23:21] The word icon gets thrown around too much.

[23:24] Get a dog fetching.

S4

[23:27] A dog fetching.

[23:30] These are the jokes, people.

Elliott Kalan

[23:34] She's talking directly to us at that moment.

Dan McCoy

[23:36] So that little girl is dead now.

Elliott Kalan

[23:41] Wait a minute.

[23:42] He's pretty good for a deaf guy.

[23:51] The one black guy in the universe of this movie.

[23:54] Oh, and Kadeem Hardison, I guess.

Stuart Wellington

[23:56] How can he play piano with these club hands?

[24:03] Huh?

[24:04] I didn't hear you.

[24:05] Say it again.

[24:10] Go.

[24:11] Go.

Elliott Kalan

[24:12] Go.

[24:12] So what would a male brat be called?

[24:14] Like a broat?

[24:15] Yeah, I can only assume.

[24:17] Miss music.

[24:19] Miss music.

S4

[24:20] I feel you, but you don't have to.

[24:22] What are you talking about?

[24:23] I can't hear.

[24:28] Just, yep.

Elliott Kalan

[24:29] So they stole this from Mr. Holland's opus, basically, right?

Dan McCoy

[24:32] So this is the same thing as listening to music.

[24:35] The exact same thing.

[24:36] Feeling the vibrations is 100% the same.

[24:39] And I can play it.

[24:41] True.

[24:42] Come here.

Elliott Kalan

[24:45] Awesome.

[24:46] Because you don't need to hear to be a DJ.

[24:53] It's like all these beats are just going straight through my hands into my body.

Stuart Wellington

[25:03] That's a normal choir room, right?

[25:05] Yeah.

[25:09] That sounds terrible, Defty.

[25:11] Again, are they going to make out?

Elliott Kalan

[25:12] What is...

[25:12] Now, when you're deaf, you have ears in your neck.

[25:32] Yes.

[25:32] It looks like the bus just horrified at what just happened.

[25:35] And juggling.

Stuart Wellington

[25:53] What is this, 16th century Venice?

[25:56] Come on.

[25:59] Oh, no.

[25:59] You need to alter the timeline.

[26:00] Come on.

[26:11] Do my bidding.

[26:13] Agent of chaos.

Elliott Kalan

[26:23] They should have called this movie Sabotage Dog.

Dan McCoy

[26:31] So, Stuart, she's like Bran in Game of Thrones, right?

[26:34] That's what's happening here.

[26:36] She's a wildling.

Stuart Wellington

[26:45] She doesn't know what she just unleashed.

Elliott Kalan

[26:56] See, this song is an homage to 2001 A Space Odyssey, which this scene resembles.

[27:01] No!

[27:03] A million pounds of spaghetti!

[27:07] How much spaghetti?

[27:09] How is she going to eat that?

[27:10] How is she going to eat all that?

[27:13] No, Jade!

[27:17] Done in by gravity, your beloved science.

[27:19] Oh, my gosh.

[27:22] I'm so sorry.

[27:23] No!

[27:24] No!

[27:25] You didn't!

[27:27] Jade!

[27:27] You totally did that over!

[27:29] Ah!

Stuart Wellington

[27:31] Now, that's not her fault.

[27:32] Oh, no!

Elliott Kalan

[27:36] And, again, she only hurts herself.

[27:38] That's...

[27:38] She has no friends to hurt.

Elliott Kalan

[27:43] Doctor!

[27:43] I think it looks better that way.

[27:46] Cheerleader!

[27:47] You did not just say that!

[27:49] Keep talking!

[27:50] Someday you'll make something intelligent!

[27:53] So much spaghetti!

[27:55] So much spaghetti!

[27:57] You're not as sad as you say you are.

[28:00] You are worse!

[28:02] So I heard Preston Sturgis did an uncredited rewrite on this screenplay.

[28:16] What?

[28:17] That spaghetti hit her with the force of a punch.

[28:20] Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[28:21] Ha ha ha ha!

[28:23] This is my happening and it freaks me out!

[28:30] Ha ha ha!

[28:30] No!

[28:31] My beloved food!

[28:32] Oh!

[28:36] Why?

[28:37] Why?

[28:38] What's to be gained by just throwing if you're not...

[28:41] Ha ha ha!

[28:42] Ha ha ha!

[28:44] Ha ha ha!

[28:46] Ha ha ha!

[28:49] Ha ha ha!

[28:50] I like how that guy got into it.

[28:52] So they're really still throwing that food around, huh?

[28:56] Oh!

[28:56] Banana cream!

[28:57] Banana cream!

[28:57] Oh banana cream pies!

[28:59] And they're just cream!

[29:00] There's no pie there!

[29:02] No!

[29:03] Uh oh!

[29:05] A priceless artifact!

[29:06] That was never properly affixed to the pedestal!

[29:10] Oh my god!

Stuart Wellington

[29:16] I think they can still get it.

[29:19] Jump under it!

Dan McCoy

[29:22] Okay, so it's made of...

[29:23] It's apparently made of hollow ceramic.

[29:26] I think it's made of chocolate.

Elliott Kalan

[29:28] I think that was a chocolate bust.

[29:30] Oh hi daddy!

[29:32] Look.

[29:35] I tried to stop the brats, daddy.

[29:38] What if it's like a Dorian Gray thing and when the bust is destroyed, John Voight is destroyed?

Stuart Wellington

[29:42] That clearly didn't happen.

[29:43] Four girls like...

[29:45] That's what I love.

S4

[29:48] You.

[29:49] You.

[29:50] Ha ha ha!

[29:51] You.

[29:52] Detention.

Dan McCoy

[29:54] Why?

[29:55] Why is that happening?

[29:57] Humzy, I tricked!

[29:59] Excuse me, princess.

[30:00] Perfect.

Elliott Kalan

[30:01] This is just like the usual suspects.

[30:04] You know what?

[30:05] Neither one of you ever thinks anything's the root.

S4

[30:07] It's always me having to pick up the pieces.

[30:09] That's interesting.

[30:10] We haven't talked in two years, ever since you learned best to be queen out of the door.

[30:15] Me?

[30:16] You haven't spoken to any of us since you went out cheerleader.

[30:19] I'm the snob.

[30:19] I'm the better than you are.

[30:21] Yeah!

Stuart Wellington

[30:22] That's a bad cheer.

S4

[30:23] You.

[30:23] You're talking to me.

[30:24] What are you talking about, Sasha?

[30:26] At least we don't buy our friends at our daddy's bank account.

[30:28] Only because you don't have a dad or a bank account.

Elliott Kalan

[30:32] Oh.

[30:33] Too harsh.

[30:33] Oh, God.

[30:34] That got too real, Sasha.

[30:36] Too real.

[30:36] Stop it.

[30:40] Why didn't they let them clean up before detention?

[30:43] Then it wouldn't be detention, Elliot.

[30:45] You will wear that pasta sauce as a badge of dishonor.

[30:49] It is a mark, so all shall know your crime.

[30:52] When your parents got divorced, Chloe and her mom were totally there for you.

[30:56] Don't forget that, Sasha.

Stuart Wellington

[30:58] Despite their lack of money.

[31:00] Chloe.

[31:01] I'm sorry.

[31:03] I can't believe you.

[31:04] Hold that.

[31:07] What happened to us?

[31:08] This pasta is tearing us apart.

[31:12] Seriously.

[31:13] Like when you cancel your speech trip to help Chloe study for finals.

S4

[31:17] That's what friends do.

[31:19] What about you, Yaz?

[31:20] Remember, you completely crushed those roses.

Dan McCoy

[31:22] Yaz.

[31:23] What?

[31:24] Yeah, yeah.

[31:25] She's saying only you.

[31:27] Only you, Carl Yastrzemski.

[31:30] Friendship is a big deal.

Stuart Wellington

[31:33] Notice that Yasmin is still far away from the other three.

Elliott Kalan

[31:37] There will always be a distance between Yasmin and others.

[31:41] We're all in them.

[31:42] That's just how high school works.

[31:44] Sasha, you're a cheerleader.

S4

[31:46] Chloe's a jock.

[31:46] And Jake, you spend your time between the science and the whole maxi.

Elliott Kalan

[31:50] Oh.

[31:51] I get it now.

[31:52] Glad she explained that.

[31:54] We're really in the middle.

S4

[31:55] Yeah, but I would never know that because I'm not in your clique.

Elliott Kalan

[31:58] Oh, that's what I'm going to do.

Stuart Wellington

[32:02] I guess we're never friends again.

[32:06] It's not our fault.

[32:09] We can be friends with each other and to our own things, right?

[32:12] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[32:14] It's kind of crazy, but it just might work.

[32:19] I miss my girl.

[32:21] Me too.

[32:22] I didn't realize how much until now.

Stuart Wellington

[32:25] Because I don't really like you that much.

[32:27] Do you have a thought?

[32:30] And movie's done.

[32:31] Okay.

[32:32] So, thanks for coming out.

Elliott Kalan

[32:34] They did it.

[32:34] They're friends again.

Dan McCoy

[32:35] They repaired the damage of those two years.

Elliott Kalan

[32:37] Their two years in the wilderness ended in one detention.

[32:40] And Meredith's plan to destroy the Bratz has only made them stronger.

[32:44] It's so awful, Cameron.

S4

[32:45] Because if you hadn't walked over and talked to that sucker to choke,

[32:48] I would have had to take action.

[32:50] And then daddy's bust would not have been broken.

Elliott Kalan

[32:51] Why the clock's in the back?

[32:53] Do they need to know what time it is in Buenos Aires in the Bratz world?

[32:56] Well, if all else fails, except this.

[33:02] Um, I don't think this...

[33:04] The doomsday device!

[33:06] Maybe everything will be back to normal by tomorrow.

Stuart Wellington

[33:08] Once it's been unsheathed, it can't be sheathed again without drawing blood.

[33:14] Let's go.

[33:15] I can't stand to look at this.

Elliott Kalan

[33:17] Why didn't she get that supporting actress Oscar?

Dan McCoy

[33:20] All those times are the same, by the way.

[33:22] I just want to...

[33:23] So is this like a blooper?

Elliott Kalan

[33:27] Is the movie over?

Dan McCoy

[33:28] So, I guess Latinas just hang out singing La Cucaracha.

Elliott Kalan

[33:34] That's what they do.

[33:36] What happens?

[33:37] Hey, look.

[33:38] It's a documentary.

Dan McCoy

[33:42] It was already open.

[33:45] You know that new sound you've been looking for?

[33:47] Well, listen to this.

Elliott Kalan

[33:53] Oh, we do have fun.

[33:54] Mom or Grandma?

[33:55] What is it?

Dan McCoy

[34:01] The movie has to constantly remind us that she's Latina because she's the least Latina-looking Latina ever.

Stuart Wellington

[34:08] She looks like Slimer with that face makeup.

[34:17] Oh, good story.

S4

[34:21] So that's Robin Williams under that makeup?

[34:23] Yep.

[34:31] She's gorgeous.

Elliott Kalan

[34:33] She's like a shoe smuggler?

[34:35] What is it?

[34:36] Hola.

[34:37] Who's your Bubby?

Dan McCoy

[34:39] Wait, what?

[34:40] Again.

[34:40] Why did she say Bubby?

[34:41] The most Jewish...

[34:43] I got them for your quinceañera bat mitzvah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:57] That means two chocolates.

[34:59] Thank you.

[35:00] Thank you, Stuart.

[35:01] They both go right in the bra.

[35:03] It means two DVDs of the movie Chocolat.

[35:07] Anytown USA, folks.

[35:09] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[35:10] I've actually been there, and it's even less exciting than it looks.

[35:13] They think I'm a boy.

S4

[35:31] And you, yes, you're boring.

Elliott Kalan

[35:38] You're like the Dan McCoy of this group.

Stuart Wellington

[35:40] Hey!

[35:42] Boom!

[35:43] Boom!

[35:44] You got him, dude.

[35:45] He's got you, Dan.

[35:46] You gotta own up to it.

[35:48] Super Brat Slam.

[35:49] I've been burned.

Elliott Kalan

[35:51] 150 hit points.

[35:52] Oh, my God.

[35:53] He looks so deaf.

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] He looks so deaf.

[35:59] He hates me.

[36:00] What?

[36:00] Dylan, are you kidding me?

[36:03] He hates me.

[36:04] He's totally not my best.

[36:06] What with the deafness and all?

[36:10] Dylan is not the least that interested in me.

[36:13] O-M-D.

Elliott Kalan

[36:16] That's how that's said, right?

[36:18] He never looks me in the eye.

[36:19] He never looks me out.

[36:20] And he can never even remember my name.

Dan McCoy

[36:23] And he doesn't respond to me when I talk to him.

[36:25] I don't understand what's happening.

Elliott Kalan

[36:26] Sometimes I'll just stand behind him yelling his name out, and he just doesn't do anything.

S4

[36:30] He doesn't really make anything break us up ever again.

[36:32] Thank you, sir.

Stuart Wellington

[36:35] Okay, a binding document.

Elliott Kalan

[36:39] In teen court, that's as good as a written contract.

[36:47] What was that?

[36:50] Wow.

[36:50] Was that a commercial?

[36:52] That's the hippest teen movie.

[36:54] MySpace is in it.

[37:01] Oh, man.

Stuart Wellington

[37:04] The movie's about these guys, right?

[37:07] Yes.

[37:08] That's much.

[37:10] Next.

[37:11] Hello, I am Magnificent Mike.

[37:13] Watch as I can't see.

[37:14] He's, like, 32.

[37:15] That's Magic Mike as a kid.

Elliott Kalan

[37:25] Wait, it's almost like she's stacking the deck with bad acts.

[37:33] Now, were they supposed to be good or bad?

[37:35] I don't...

[37:35] I think they were supposed to be good.

[37:36] If I see one more violent thing for Christmas, I'm going to...

Dan McCoy

[37:40] See, that's kind of a strong joke.

[37:43] Strong-ish joke.

[37:44] Someone who wrote this movie...

[37:47] So abstract.

[37:47] ...had a chance to write good jokes.

[37:50] And they were derailed along the line.

Elliott Kalan

[37:53] And...

[37:53] The bust is like if Jon Voight was a character in a Klasky Chupo cartoon.

[37:57] Anybody?

[37:58] Anybody?

[37:59] Anybody?

[38:00] Familiar with the work of the animation house, Klasky Chupo.

[38:04] Rugrats, Duckman, anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[38:10] Stop talking about being friends already.

Elliott Kalan

[38:12] All they have in common is that they're friends.

[38:15] They have to hit it a lot.

[38:22] Uh-oh.

Stuart Wellington

[38:25] No, that's okay.

[38:26] I'm just going to hang out with my brats.

S4

[38:28] I don't do that anymore.

[38:32] Oh, hey, Jake.

[38:33] Come here, check this out.

Dan McCoy

[38:34] I got too much brats.

[38:36] I'm sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[38:40] I'm kind of busy sitting over here.

Dan McCoy

[38:41] I'd love to put the brats...

[38:42] Notice no one cares about the other brats.

Elliott Kalan

[38:55] How hard would it have been for them to just give her a group?

[39:03] Even security is not happy about this.

[39:06] Super awkward.

S4

[39:19] Okay, this is weird.

[39:21] I think it's time for plan B.

Elliott Kalan

[39:23] We split up again.

[39:27] Make everyone like us.

[39:29] Make everyone a brats.

[39:30] Okay, now it's finished.

[39:36] Yeah, that's perfect.

[39:37] Now you're a beautiful swan.

Dan McCoy

[39:43] Oh.

[39:48] Why would they do that in public?

[39:49] I just want to stay right and go.

[39:56] Anyone out there with you?

[39:57] You will be playing your next soccer game.

[39:59] Are you serious?

Stuart Wellington

[40:01] I don't.

[40:02] I don't think that's...

[40:03] Why would that be a good thing?

Elliott Kalan

[40:12] They've been at the school for three years.

[40:13] What is the...

Stuart Wellington

[40:14] Oh, this is their third year, I guess.

[40:17] Oh, I know what it means.

[40:20] So that's the jock?

[40:27] He is really dumb.

[40:29] You're going to cry?

[40:31] Oh, excuse me.

[40:32] Oh, God.

[40:35] Oh, God.

[40:39] Tom Hanks Jr.

[40:40] Tom Hanks Jr.

[40:48] He's blocking every punch.

[40:50] Yes.

S4

[40:53] Now, would you like to apologize to the lady?

[40:55] Now, would you like to apologize to the lady?

[40:57] Sorry, Jake.

Stuart Wellington

[40:59] Shall I kill him for you, sensei?

[41:06] Okay, so...

[41:06] So, S.

[41:08] Oh, okay.

[41:09] Y.

Elliott Kalan

[41:10] Now, okay, if anyone can figure out this equation.

[41:13] There's no...

[41:14] Because it's not an equation.

Dan McCoy

[41:15] There's no equal sign.

Elliott Kalan

[41:16] It's impossible.

Dan McCoy

[41:18] You have to have an equal sign to make an equation.

Elliott Kalan

[41:21] Right now, those could be any numbers.

[41:25] Yeah, football.

[41:26] Okay.

[41:30] Extra point.

[41:31] One.

[41:32] You didn't give them the information they needed to find this out before.

Dan McCoy

[41:35] No, you're...

[41:36] You're just plugging in numbers for those variables.

[41:40] But that's not how equations work.

Elliott Kalan

[41:56] Yeah, they all got C's.

[41:57] We all got C's because we copied off you, Jade.

Dan McCoy

[42:00] Now, how hard would it have been for the movie to actually come up with an equation?

Elliott Kalan

[42:06] Look, kids don't care.

Stuart Wellington

[42:08] And also very...

[42:10] Oh.

[42:11] She's amazing at soccer.

Elliott Kalan

[42:12] Why are you...

[42:13] What is...

[42:13] What can he teach her?

[42:14] All right.

[42:16] That one.

S4

[42:19] You may want to move.

[42:22] Just in case.

[42:23] I'm good.

[42:25] Okay.

[42:26] What?

[42:30] Ha!

Elliott Kalan

[42:30] Now, it sounded like...

[42:31] That's his balls.

[42:32] It hit him with the balls.

[42:33] It sounded like they dumped in, like, an egg-cracking sound.

Dan McCoy

[42:37] But if they're proving how good she is at it, why did she kick it directly into the goalie?

Stuart Wellington

[42:44] That's what you do, right?

[42:45] Oh, yeah.

[42:45] The little girl again.

Dan McCoy

[42:47] I feel a little uncomfortable, Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[42:51] Oh, so cute.

[42:56] Oh, man.

Elliott Kalan

[42:57] Now, you notice the transitions between scenes don't exist.

[43:01] A scene just ends and then another one starts.

S4

[43:02] It's like an Edward Albee play.

Stuart Wellington

[43:25] What?

[43:25] Whatever, Ingrid.

[43:32] It's just a temporary box.

[43:34] So the principal makes a lot of money.

[43:38] I think he's like the assistant principal.

S4

[43:41] When was I at the height of my pocket barrier?

[43:45] Last week?

[43:45] Uh, last year's challenge, huh?

[43:47] Oh, oh!

[43:48] I know this one.

[43:49] Yes, Quinn.

[43:49] You're Super Super Super 16.

[43:51] She's totally right.

[43:53] That was, like, the most amazing party ever.

[43:54] Remember, everyone's, like, slacking up to you for weeks before just to get an invitation.

[43:58] Well, then.

[43:59] It's settled.

[44:00] I'm throwing another Super Super Super Super Super Super Super Super Super Super Super

[44:01] What?

Dan McCoy

[44:02] What?

[44:03] I'm throwing.

[44:07] More dog cutaways, please.

[44:11] In fact, I'll have MTV take the whole thing.

[44:13] My mom is best friends with the producers.

Elliott Kalan

[44:15] Of what?

[44:15] MTV?

S4

[44:18] I'm not very sure exactly.

[44:21] I'm going to use the invitation to bring organization and harmony back to us.

[44:26] Oh, get it?

[44:27] Questions answered.

[44:29] No, too, too.

Dan McCoy

[44:30] I mean, the thing is, Meredith the bastard dimly did make the trains run on time, Elliot.

[44:34] You gotta admit that.

[44:36] Yes, but at what cost, Santa?

[44:37] What cost?

[44:38] You left your shoes up at a class.

[44:40] Hey, it's a total trick for you.

[44:43] Athletic can hear it very hard.

Stuart Wellington

[44:45] An unlikely romance.

[44:52] What are their ages?

Dan McCoy

[44:55] Yeah, so he's like four years older than her.

[44:59] How?

[45:05] He was talking to the dog, I guess?

[45:13] It's true, he does.

[45:14] He does have the most incredible hair.

[45:15] It is literally not credible.

[45:18] Why don't you come over here and tell me I thought you saw it.

S4

[45:22] Are you kidding me?

[45:23] Okay.

[45:24] Here, keep this drunk.

[45:26] Bad idea.

Stuart Wellington

[45:29] This kid is crazy.

[45:34] That was a leather jacket.

Elliott Kalan

[45:35] You just destroyed that jacket.

[45:40] So what's that kid's character, Diamond?

[45:45] Loves his hair.

[45:47] Loves ladies.

[45:48] Has a phone.

[45:51] Doesn't care if his jacket gets ruined.

[45:52] It's so funny.

[45:53] I mean, she's just so good at everything, right?

[45:56] You think so?

[45:58] Check this out.

[46:00] It's truly fantastic.

[46:02] Is he going to give her some drugs?

[46:07] Uh-oh.

[46:08] This is good screenwriting.

[46:08] Oh, man.

[46:09] Because we saw it happen earlier, and now the payoff.

[46:12] What good picture quality.

S4

[46:15] I have to have this for my collection.

[46:17] Do you think you could transfer it to this?

Dan McCoy

[46:23] Actually, I don't think I could.

[46:25] Yeah, just plug it in like that.

[46:27] I don't think there's a USB port on this.

[46:31] I mean, I could probably take it home to my computer, and then...

[46:35] That Y tail is too long.

Elliott Kalan

[46:39] Okay, thank you.

[46:39] How excited are you?

S4

[46:42] She already had a few kids.

[46:44] What do you think she's up there?

[46:46] Does it matter?

[46:47] Hello.

[46:48] It's a party?

[46:49] This can't be good.

[46:51] Hello.

Elliott Kalan

[46:52] So, do they have to be touching at all times?

[46:54] Is that where their power comes from?

[46:57] Shopping!

[47:00] Apparently so.

[47:02] I wish the brats didn't spend so much time propping up the capitalist economy.

[47:07] I feel like the proletariat will never achieve true brattitude

[47:12] until they have control of the means of production.

[47:15] The only way you can embarrass us is if you don't walk into murder

[47:17] as ridiculously extreme, it's not a dance-up.

[47:20] Yeah, and we've been pulled apart for too long.

S4

[47:22] It's not happening.

[47:23] Yeah, two years.

[47:24] Yeah.

S4

[47:25] Especially not for marriage.

[47:26] It's so sharp.

[47:27] I have nothing.

[47:30] I have two guilty now.

Elliott Kalan

[47:32] I have two guilty now.

[47:32] Very thin chocolate bars, everybody.

[47:34] And now, one for you.

[47:38] Hey, divorce isn't all that bad.

[47:40] How come I'm here?

[47:41] Well, it's terrible, actually.

[47:42] Yeah.

[47:47] Divorce money.

[47:49] Time to shop.

[47:51] Run into those rooms with the clothes.

[47:53] Then come out with other clothes on.

[47:56] Point at each other and look in the mirror.

[47:57] Then back.

[47:58] Who are they looking at?

Dan McCoy

Elliott Kalan

[48:02] Take a tour of the mall.

[48:05] Point at some stuff.

[48:06] Then get out in other clothes.

[48:07] Oh, yeah.

[48:08] Those are great.

[48:12] Time for makeup as well.

[48:17] I want to know what they're talking about.

[48:19] Oh, no.

Stuart Wellington

[48:20] Next generation of brats.

[48:22] Indoctrinate the children.

[48:23] Teaching the youth.

[48:26] Beautiful.

[48:27] Amazing.

[48:28] Let's sex up these kids.

[48:28] I think I'm in love.

[48:30] Toddler's end.

Elliott Kalan

[48:34] Get out.

[48:35] Get out.

[48:35] Someone farted.

[48:36] Don't forget the shoes and the hats.

[48:41] Top and bottom brats.

[48:43] Every aspect.

[48:44] Belts.

[48:45] Oh, no.

[48:46] There might be more than one of those.

[48:50] Many casualties at a brats shopping spree.

Dan McCoy

[48:54] She's older than you.

[48:56] Don't have any pity.

[48:59] Those are the outfits they bought.

Stuart Wellington

[49:03] Is he like a genie or something?

[49:05] What's going on?

Elliott Kalan

[49:06] He's like some kind of Rasta genie.

[49:08] I don't understand.

S4

[49:08] So, if you don't belong to the group, you really can't come to my party.

Elliott Kalan

[49:12] Oh.

S4

[49:15] I'll be watching you.

[49:16] Go ahead.

[49:16] Pop them.

Elliott Kalan

[49:21] Wait.

[49:21] So, the balloons just tell everyone what group they already know they're in?

[49:24] Oh, my God.

[49:26] So, imagine it.

Dan McCoy

[49:28] Apparently, Yaz's thing is journalism, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[49:31] Well, remember we saw that story she did about corruption in the dock unions?

S4

[49:36] We can't go to the festival of Meredith on their own terms.

[49:44] Then, trust me, it's not worth it.

[49:46] Yes, it's going to be an amazing party.

[49:49] And, if we don't go, we could be banned in a totally different aspect.

Stuart Wellington

[49:54] Unlike now.

S4

[49:55] I'm with Yazan.

[49:57] Get the ego.

[49:58] Yeah, I second that emotion.

Dan McCoy

[50:00] Guys, Yaz has the least to lose in this situation.

[50:05] She has nothing to lose.

[50:06] Yeah.

[50:08] I think they're going to lose Sasha.

S4

[50:12] I'm hanging up and changing my number.

[50:17] Hi, honey.

[50:18] We'll be a guest host.

[50:20] What a drama, Brad.

Elliott Kalan

[50:23] More shopping?

[50:24] Yep.

[50:27] Even evil people wear makeup sometimes.

[50:29] A little Esquivel, everyone.

Dan McCoy

[50:32] Taking you back to the swinging 60s.

[50:36] With that lounge sound.

Stuart Wellington

[50:40] So, we've seen her and her hair do stuff a lot in this.

[50:45] Perfect.

[50:45] Same place.

[50:47] Yeah.

[50:51] Yep.

[50:51] We've seen the pattern now.

Elliott Kalan

[51:01] Well, there's two dresses.

[51:03] So, are these door-to-door dress salesmen?

[51:06] I agree.

Dan McCoy

[51:07] Absolutely not.

[51:08] Also, she dressed up as Daphne from Scooby-Doo.

[51:10] I don't...

[51:11] I'd rather die.

Elliott Kalan

[51:23] That's the worst one.

[51:29] It's rare that a villain gets that much screen time in a movie.

[51:34] I kind of like her more than the Bratz, though.

[51:37] Well, she's the only one who's really living out her dreams.

[51:40] She's self-actualized.

[51:41] That's what I think I like about her.

[51:44] Okay, keep going.

[51:49] Yeah.

[51:51] Yeah, she should stick to journalism.

[51:55] I heard you across the room.

[51:56] I mean, uh...

Dan McCoy

[51:57] The deaf guy really loves her singing.

Elliott Kalan

[52:02] He has tiny ears on his fingers.

[52:08] God, I hope my hands are making sound right now.

Dan McCoy

[52:10] Guys, is this an all-saxophone band?

[52:13] Look at it.

Elliott Kalan

[52:18] We all know the Carrie Nation Brass All-Stars.

Stuart Wellington

[52:26] Okay, you can say it.

[52:27] Cool.

[52:28] I can't hear it.

[52:32] That doesn't make sense.

[52:36] Just put your hands on this thing.

[52:39] The young Fred Armisen Chronicles.

[52:42] It's cool.

[52:42] I can see what's in front of me.

[52:44] No, no, terrible.

Dan McCoy

[52:49] I heard your boobs, though.

[52:55] I hear them with my hands.

[52:57] I hear them with my hands.

[53:10] You know what?

[53:10] It's genetic.

[53:11] I can't hear, but I learned to spin.

Elliott Kalan

[53:14] Not really.

[53:15] No, don't.

[53:16] Oh, shit.

[53:18] All right, I'll bite again.

[53:24] I'm going to take you to music jail.

Stuart Wellington

[53:26] Open your third eye, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[53:29] Is that what just happened?

Dan McCoy

[53:35] Scene over, I guess.

[53:36] Yeah, that's...

[53:37] Got a melon and a pineapple on the counter.

[53:42] Oh, Mom.

Elliott Kalan

[53:43] Oh, Mom, you're drunk again.

[53:46] Mom?

[53:47] Are you okay?

[53:48] You're burning up.

[53:51] Brett!

[53:53] Get him away from me.

Stuart Wellington

[53:55] But I'm so excited.

[53:57] I'm so excited.

Elliott Kalan

[54:00] You guys can finish that line.

[54:02] You don't need me to finish.

[54:03] Thank you.

[54:05] Okay.

[54:07] A couple hours.

[54:09] You promise you'll wake me up.

[54:10] I promise.

Stuart Wellington

[54:11] Or else Freddy will get me.

Elliott Kalan

[54:14] So she's a one-woman caterer, is what we're learning.

Dan McCoy

[54:19] Brats, don't fail me now.

[54:21] I'm going to need all of my Brats' power to deal with this problem.

[54:24] Do me, my Brats.

[54:25] It's an emergency.

[54:26] Brats assemble.

[54:27] I need to help.

[54:28] I'm there.

[54:30] So we need to make 150 of each dish.

[54:33] What?

[54:34] What?

[54:35] It's like Top Brats.

[54:36] So they have no catering experience, and they have to make 150 of everything.

Elliott Kalan

[54:41] Dan, you're forgetting one thing.

[54:43] What is that?

[54:43] These are the Brats.

[54:44] Okay.

[54:46] Hi, Bob.

[54:48] Let's do it.

[54:50] We'll just do this.

[54:55] That'll feed 150 people, right?

[54:57] So much of the cooking is just shaking things onto things.

[55:10] What's up?

[55:12] Tiny waffles?

[55:14] Mmm.

Dan McCoy

[55:17] I don't know what the...

[55:18] All right.

[55:18] We've made 12 of everything.

[55:23] This is horrible.

[55:24] You've used up all my ingredients.

Elliott Kalan

[55:30] We didn't have enough flour for everything, so we used laundry detergent.

[55:33] Does that work?

[55:36] You Brats are amazing.

S4

[55:38] We're absolutely amazing.

[55:40] Aren't we?

Elliott Kalan

[55:41] Is that so...

[55:42] She couldn't even commit to holding the donut high enough for it to be a halo.

[55:48] Yes, other caterer?

[55:49] I need you to fill in a job for me.

[55:51] No.

[55:53] My servers can't make it.

S4

[55:55] Oh.

[55:56] My website will shut down.

[55:58] We're going to get servers.

[55:59] Whoever.

[55:59] Throw it all away.

[56:01] We're free.

[56:02] No, wait, wait, wait.

[56:04] Don't tell me.

[56:06] Mom, are you kidding?

[56:08] I couldn't turn it down.

[56:09] I never kid.

[56:10] No, no, no.

[56:11] Can we put these...

Stuart Wellington

[56:13] Can we put these cakes down?

[56:14] No.

[56:16] When?

[56:16] And don't refrigerate them either.

[56:18] You sure you don't do it?

[56:18] Leave them out.

[56:22] What's the worst that could happen?

Elliott Kalan

[56:25] This is the worst that could happen.

[56:31] Why did they paint a frown on her face?

[56:34] Well, well, well.

Dan McCoy

[56:38] My brats.

[56:39] Seems like I have the upper hand now.

[56:43] Be happy.

Elliott Kalan

[56:46] So they're going to murder the guests?

[56:52] Okay.

[56:55] If you guys want to back out, I'll totally understand.

[56:59] All right.

Stuart Wellington

[57:01] Let's back out.

[57:03] We're going to start.

[57:04] I just need to start a little minute.

[57:06] Wait.

[57:06] Which brat is that?

[57:07] That's the clown brat?

Dan McCoy

[57:09] I think that's the one with the fashion abilities.

[57:13] Oh, okay.

[57:13] No, not fur.

[57:15] S-E-R.

[57:17] Transaction emergency brat.

[57:19] Fur.

Elliott Kalan

[57:20] Fur.

[57:21] F-I-R.

[57:21] A Douglas fur.

[57:22] We'll go as trees.

[57:24] S-M-K.

[57:26] What?

Dan McCoy

[57:27] This is how teenagers talk, right?

[57:29] Can we not abbreviate everything?

[57:31] It's more confusing.

[57:32] We have to explain.

[57:32] We're brats.

Elliott Kalan

[57:33] B-R-A-T-Z.

[57:35] Bold, radical, adolescent, teen zombies.

Dan McCoy

[57:42] That's a secret.

[57:43] I did not know about the brats.

[57:45] That's what brats are.

Elliott Kalan

[57:50] Oh, no.

[57:50] Is that a dandy elf?

[57:51] Oh, my God.

[57:52] Oh, no.

S5

[57:54] Just as the nightmare was coming to truth.

[57:58] What's going to happen next?

Elliott Kalan

[58:01] What new horrors are in store for the brats?

Stuart Wellington

[58:11] Flophouse guys.

[58:12] Okay, everybody.

[58:13] Thanks so much.

[58:15] Thanks again for staying and coming back.

Elliott Kalan

[58:18] Thanks for coming and going and then coming again.

[58:21] Okay.

[58:22] And thanks for-

Stuart Wellington

[58:23] Let's keep it above the belt, Elliot.

[58:25] I do not like that.

[58:26] Above the scorpion belt.

[58:28] So, draw attention to my belt.

[58:30] Now, you guys had some stuff you wanted to talk about?

[58:33] What's going on?

Elliott Kalan

[58:34] Yeah, we have what I like to call some brats bits.

Stuart Wellington

[58:39] Who's going to go first?

[58:40] So, should we-

[58:41] You go first or should I go first?

[58:43] Should we be closer?

[58:45] Yeah, let's get closer to each other.

Elliott Kalan

[58:46] Are we going to go first or are you going to go first?

[58:49] Don't do that.

Stuart Wellington

[58:52] Do you want to go first?

Elliott Kalan

[58:54] Stuart, you pick who goes first.

[58:55] Me or Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[58:56] Okay.

[58:56] So, we normally do this thing called a podcast.

[59:00] Start from the beginning.

[59:02] How do podcasts start?

[59:05] The radio was invented.

[59:07] Let's get back that far.

[59:07] So, Dan, you go first.

[59:09] You're in charge.

[59:10] Okay, Dan, you go first.

[59:11] You're driving.

Dan McCoy

[59:11] I'll go afterwards with my bits.

[59:13] You can pull.

[59:14] So, Webster's Dictionary describes-

[59:19] Describes brattitude as the state or quality of being brats.

[59:27] To use it in a sentence,

[59:29] Rochelle attended Case Western on a full brattitude scholarship.

Elliott Kalan

[59:34] It derives-

[59:34] It's a terrible sentence.

[59:36] The context tells you nothing about what it means.

Dan McCoy

[59:40] It derives from the Latin, brattum.

[59:43] You may recall the famed scene in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar,

[59:46] when the emperor, gazing upon the shards of his, for some reason, hollow bust, gasps,

[59:51] et tu bratte?

[59:54] In practice, brattitude manifests itself in closed trying-on montages, relentless pop soundtracks,

[1:00:01] and an insouciant disregard for what other people think.

[1:00:04] Like the fabled honey badger, brats don't give a fuck.

[1:00:09] Internet!

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:10] I'd like to-

[1:00:10] I don't get any references from after 1947, so I don't understand that.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:16] I'd like to take the opportunity tonight, if Stuart and Elliot don't mind, to test their

[1:00:20] brattitude quotient.

[1:00:22] Oh, boy.

[1:00:22] Our BQ?

[1:00:23] By administering a little quiz I've titled, Test Your Brattitude Quotient.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:29] Oh, that's a really witty title.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:32] Yeah, you worked on that one, huh?

[1:00:33] I originally wrote it for the magazine Bratzmopolitan, but it never ran due to that magazine folding

[1:00:39] between the time it was conceived and the next second.

[1:00:42] But this seems like the perfect opportunity to dust it off, so scenario one.

[1:00:47] You and your ethnically diverse group of friends find that your separate interests are pulling

[1:00:52] you apart.

[1:00:52] Do you, A, decide that exploring new things is the key to being a well-rounded person, and

[1:00:59] commit yourself to taking an interest in your friends' pursuits, even if they don't mirror

[1:01:03] your own?

[1:01:04] B, reflect that as we grow older, it's natural that friendships forged when we were young

[1:01:10] would cease to be as fulfilling.

[1:01:12] It's okay to feel wistful about growing apart, but it's time to move on.

[1:01:17] Or C, you blame the rich blonde bitch at your school and systematically ruin her life.

[1:01:24] What do you think?

[1:01:24] It's usually C in these types of quizzes.

[1:01:26] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:27] Yeah, I like C.

[1:01:28] Okay.

[1:01:29] I forgot the first two.

[1:01:30] We're going to say C.

[1:01:31] I also did.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:32] I'm sorry.

[1:01:33] The correct answer is that you flash forward two years, then get back together for no particular

[1:01:38] reason.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:39] You cannot give us a choice.

[1:01:40] Wait, there's a correct answer?

Dan McCoy

[1:01:43] Scenario two.

[1:01:45] Scenario two.

[1:01:46] Where do I lodge complaints with this quiz?

[1:01:50] How would you describe your personal style?

[1:01:52] Would you describe your personal style as A, kicky?

[1:01:57] B, totes adorbs?

[1:02:00] C, a color-tastic fun-splosion?

[1:02:04] Or D, business casual with an emphasis on classic tailoring?

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:09] Well, Elliot, you're always totes adorbs.

[1:02:12] Oh, thanks.

[1:02:12] And you too.

[1:02:13] You too.

[1:02:13] Oh, thanks.

[1:02:14] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:14] You do have a fun-splosion of whatever it was.

[1:02:17] But I think totes adorbs.

[1:02:19] Yeah.

[1:02:19] Okay.

[1:02:20] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:20] We're both totes adorbs.

[1:02:21] Totes adorbs.

[1:02:21] Can we be the same?

[1:02:22] Or is that...

[1:02:23] Are you testing different?

Dan McCoy

[1:02:24] The correct answer is teen prostitute.

[1:02:27] I'm sorry.

[1:02:28] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:29] So, I guess we're losing?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:33] Our BQ right now is extremely low.

[1:02:35] I guess we're going to have to do really well in the...

[1:02:37] I think we're going to have to go to Summer Bratz after this.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:39] The final scenario.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:41] Okay, but this one's worth like a hundred minutes.

[1:02:42] Final scenario.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:44] Terrorist mastermind Bane has taken over the city and plans to blow it up with a nuclear bomb.

[1:02:50] He's going to blow it up?

[1:02:52] He doesn't wear his sleeves, Elliot.

[1:02:54] That's true.

[1:02:54] He plans to blow it up with a nuclear bomb after just sort of hanging out for three months for some reason.

[1:02:59] Okay.

[1:03:00] What do you...

[1:03:00] He's setting up a...

[1:03:01] Oh, wait.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:01] Sorry.

[1:03:01] I'm sorry.

[1:03:02] This is from my test your bat-itude quotient quiz.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:06] I'm sorry.

[1:03:07] Well, well, well, Bratz.

[1:03:08] It seems we have come to the end of two years.

[1:03:12] We're no survivors.

[1:03:15] That's his best line in the whole movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:18] So, it's a surprisingly short quiz.

[1:03:21] That's not a quiz.

[1:03:22] Yeah.

[1:03:23] Coating up the points, I find out that your bat-itude quotient is zero.

[1:03:27] Oh.

[1:03:28] Okay.

[1:03:28] But there's some good news, guys.

[1:03:29] Stuart, it turns out your bat-itude scores through the roof.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:33] He didn't even answer.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:35] With very strong showing, also in the area of rat-itude.

[1:03:39] Oh.

[1:03:41] And Elliot...

[1:03:42] Yeah, what do I got?

[1:03:43] Elliot, you've got high marks for your cravatitude, which means you look good in a necktie.

[1:03:47] Thank you.

[1:03:48] Congratulations.

[1:03:49] Congratulations to both of you.

[1:03:50] Appreciate it.

[1:03:51] Congratulations.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:52] I'm going to resist doing everything in Bane's voice now.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:56] It's tough, though, right?

[1:03:57] I'm throwing my super sweet 16 Batman.

[1:04:03] With survivors?

[1:04:04] Yeah.

[1:04:05] No survivors.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:07] We're going to have a party, sir.

[1:04:08] The party rises.

[1:04:11] The secret to doing Bane's voice is you think to yourself, what would Tevye from Fiddler

[1:04:15] on the Roof sound like if he was a terrorist?

[1:04:19] Well, I also have a Bratz Bits.

[1:04:22] Mine is a little different.

[1:04:24] I have, as any Flophouse listener knows, I am a fountain of movie pitch ideas.

[1:04:29] And if only Hollywood would buy any of them from me for the price of $700,000...

[1:04:34] You may need to negotiate that price a little.

[1:04:38] Yeah, negotiate it.

[1:04:39] A little flexible.

[1:04:40] To no change.

[1:04:42] I'm willing to accept it in any form.

[1:04:44] Money, chicken...

[1:04:47] Bratz, yeah.

[1:04:48] $700,000 worth of Bratz.

[1:04:50] So I have an idea that I think the producers of Bratz would be foolish not to take.

[1:04:57] When you see the word Bratz, what do you think?

[1:05:00] Obviously, you think of four plucky teenage girls taking on the world with nothing more

[1:05:04] than Bratitude and a suspiciously token amount of ethnic diversity.

[1:05:07] But for many Americans, that word sounds a little different.

[1:05:11] It sounds like Bratz.

[1:05:13] The regional nickname for Bratwurst.

[1:05:15] The German-style tube meat beloved across Minnesota, Wisconsin, and other states that Hollywood

[1:05:20] apparently considers nothing more than flyover country.

[1:05:23] For those proud Americans, Bratz the movie made a promise it just couldn't keep.

[1:05:28] To finally tell the story of the humble brat in all its delicious glory.

[1:05:32] The makers of Bratz the movie knew they were toying with the emotions of our nation's meat lovers.

[1:05:37] Why else would they emulate the classic movie food mix-up Hot Dog the movie by adding the movie at the end?

[1:05:44] To make sure no mistaken Midwesterners wandered into their local movie palace for some hot, steaming brats.

[1:05:50] It's time to fulfill the mispronounced promise of Bratz the movie by making Bratz the movie.

[1:05:56] That makes sense.

[1:05:57] Bratz the movie is the story of four plucky sausages trying to make it big.

[1:06:02] Trying to make it big in a world that literally wants to eat them for lunch.

[1:06:06] Let's start with the obvious here.

[1:06:08] The opportunities for merchandising are enormous.

[1:06:11] Brat restaurants, Brat home-cooked meals, frozen brats, Brat dolls, Brat makeup so little girls can look more like bratwurst,

[1:06:18] video games about cooking brats, CD soundtrack albums where today's hottest stars, I'm thinking Bieber, Rihanna, etc.,

[1:06:24] sing original songs about their love of eating brats.

[1:06:27] But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

[1:06:29] The thing that sticks with us most about Bratz is the uniquely individual characters,

[1:06:33] whose names and personalities I'm sure you all remember even now.

[1:06:37] So first things first, it's time for us to meet the brats.

[1:06:43] There's Veronica, the artistic preppy brat.

[1:06:46] Sure, she comes from a wealthy background, as shown by her 100% organic grass-fed veal filling,

[1:06:56] but that doesn't mean she's too snooty to mix it up on the streets.

[1:06:59] Whether being served on a hot dog cart or a luxury stadium skybox, this is one brat with style to spare.

[1:07:05] Next up, Chiquita, the hot-blooded spicy pork brat.

[1:07:08] This fiery Latina chorizo is not afraid to stand up for herself and her friends.

[1:07:14] Grilled on a barrio rooftop, she dreams of a better life for herself and her abuela, a slightly larger pork brat.

[1:07:26] But her fast-talking, no-nonsense honesty sometimes makes her a little too moi picante.

[1:07:31] And just might, and just might land her and her friends in some very hot mustard indeed.

[1:07:36] Coming up next on the floor, Sunflower, the hippie vegan tofu brat.

[1:07:41] Peace, man.

[1:07:42] Just because you think it's wrong to take the life of an animal doesn't mean there's a brat for you.

[1:07:46] There's no brat for you.

[1:07:47] Raised on a commune and cooked at a co-op farmer's market, Sunflower's all-plant filling makes her laid-back and carbon-neutral.

[1:07:53] But when the brat city community center and arboretum is threatened by an evil land developer,

[1:07:58] this meat-free meal knows it's time to stop making love and start waging war.

[1:08:03] And finally, who's coming up at the end?

[1:08:06] Rachel, the nerdy kosher brat.

[1:08:09] The new brat in town, this Jewish deli sausage, doesn't yet have the swagger of the other brats.

[1:08:14] But with brains to spare and an all-beef-in-chicken-casing heart of gold,

[1:08:18] she's about to become a valuable addition to the brats.

[1:08:20] What's Hebrew for bratitude?

[1:08:22] Trick question.

[1:08:23] It's also bratitude.

[1:08:27] Together, these four brat worsts are the brat best at having fun.

[1:08:33] At having fun.

[1:08:38] Yes!

[1:08:39] Yes!

[1:08:40] Yes!

[1:08:41] Yes!

[1:08:43] The joke that made Stuart quit.

[1:08:46] I'm going to say it again.

[1:08:49] Together, these four brat worsts are the brat best at having fun shopping and fighting the ultimate oppression

[1:08:56] that is the assumption of arbitrary authority by wealthy elites without the consent of the governed.

[1:09:00] Get ready to fall in love with the brats.

[1:09:03] Brats in Brats, the movie.

[1:09:08] And again, the rights to that story can be yours for the price of $700,000.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:17] Stuart, you okay?

[1:09:18] I'm both hungry and sick at the same time, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:22] That's the meaning of brats.

[1:09:23] That's the meaning of brats, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:25] So, good job.

[1:09:27] We did that, huh?

[1:09:28] Yeah, we did.

[1:09:28] Yeah, we did do that.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:30] So, I think we've left our audience hanging.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:33] I think they're hungry.

[1:09:35] I don't know why I'm making brats puns.

[1:09:39] I don't know why I'm making brats.

[1:09:40] But admit it.

[1:09:40] You all want to watch brats the movie now and not the rest of brats.

[1:09:43] Well, too bad, because you're going to watch the rest of brats.

[1:09:45] We've got a whole lot more for you to see in this movie.

[1:09:47] You're not going to believe your eyes, your ears, your head, or your nose.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:52] And somebody locked the door, so...

[1:09:54] So, you have to stay in.

[1:09:55] You can't leave, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:56] Because someone in here is a diamond, Steve.

[1:09:59] One of you is a murderer.

[1:10:03] Yeah, so I guess we'll catch the murderer after the end of Brats the movie.

[1:10:08] Let's do it, guys.

[1:10:09] Let's do it.

[1:10:10] Steve, Brats the movie.

[1:10:15] Dan, are you going to be able to make your way to the seat?

[1:10:16] It gets so dark.

[1:10:19] Okay, back to the reign of clown terror.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:24] Not a pun.

[1:10:28] Registered trademark.

[1:10:35] Uh-oh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:39] That elephant is so demeaned by this.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:44] The one guy.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:47] Again, the world's richest principal.

[1:10:49] It's so good to see you.

[1:10:52] Hi, everyone.

[1:10:53] I know.

[1:10:54] So cool, right?

[1:10:55] Best party ever already.

[1:10:56] And we're just starting.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:57] Can they even hear her?

[1:10:59] She's on top of an elephant.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:04] Those are some non-revolition serving costumes.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:07] I don't want to be the logic police here, but you cannot make those costumes from what they were wearing earlier.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:12] I'm so excited.

[1:11:13] And they've totally ditched the clown theme, which I feel like really tied this circus birthday party together.

[1:11:23] Whatever those are, we want to eat them.

[1:11:28] Hello?

[1:11:29] Me time now.

[1:11:31] It's me.

[1:11:31] I mean, she's on an elephant.

[1:11:35] Is that not enough for her to be on an elephant?

[1:11:38] Because that's fantastic.

[1:11:46] Okay, now they're not even serving.

[1:11:47] They're just dancing.

[1:11:49] Mariachis?

S4

[1:11:50] Well, don't you look adorable.

[1:11:54] But you're not here to look adorable.

[1:11:56] You're here to work.

[1:11:58] It's clover, isn't it?

[1:12:00] Chloe.

[1:12:01] Oopsies.

[1:12:02] Anyway, we're all done.

[1:12:04] There was an actual laugh, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:24] Remember the bombs she implanted in us.

[1:12:32] I love it.

[1:12:34] Okay.

S4

[1:12:36] What was that about?

[1:12:37] Nothing.

[1:12:38] I don't want to talk about it.

[1:12:40] Come on, let's work.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:42] Did she not hear what it was about?

[1:12:44] Yeah.

[1:12:47] The guy I feel the worst for is the acrobat who was behind everybody, so they can't even see him.

[1:12:52] Hi, I'm Meredith's sister.

S4

[1:12:54] I've had stuff with this every day for 11 years.

[1:12:57] Can you see my face?

[1:12:58] Yeah.

[1:12:59] I'm stuck with her.

[1:13:00] You guys look like total rock stars.

[1:13:01] I look like a circus freak.

[1:13:03] I'll pay you to get out of me.

[1:13:05] I'm worth a lot.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:06] This girl has so many monologues.

S4

[1:13:08] I know.

[1:13:08] It's working for me.

[1:13:10] Me like.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:11] All right, again.

[1:13:12] Much older than...

[1:13:13] I don't...

[1:13:15] I don't...

[1:13:16] Even the Goths like it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:26] I like that he has a formal dinosaur.

[1:13:28] Yeah.

[1:13:30] Boy jocks.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:35] It's come to this.

[1:13:39] Did I...

[1:13:40] Did I...

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:40] Did I...

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:40] Did I...

[1:13:41] Did I...

[1:13:42] Did I...

[1:13:43] Did I...

[1:13:44] Did I...

[1:13:45] Did I...

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:46] Did I...

[1:13:46] No.

[1:13:47] No.

[1:13:47] She...

[1:13:47] It was a terrible dad.

[1:13:49] She pre-recorded that.

[1:14:03] Oh, man.

[1:14:04] It's at this part that you start doubting reality.

[1:14:08] Because it allowed this to happen.

S4

[1:14:15] Oh, yeah.

[1:14:16] John Boy gets a dance.

[1:14:19] This is your lucky day.

[1:14:21] I'm like a slice of heaven.

[1:14:23] Born of the book.

[1:14:24] Greatest in your present.

[1:14:25] Born of the book.

[1:14:26] Time to take some peace on me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:27] So she's making the subtext text right now.

[1:14:30] I'm fabulous.

[1:14:32] Simply wanted...

[1:14:33] That was pre-Gangnam.

[1:14:34] Pre-Gangnam.

[1:14:35] Happy and fabulous.

[1:14:38] Too many because you got it.

[1:14:39] Fabulous.

[1:14:40] Gotta make you want it.

[1:14:41] MTV was like, yeah, we'll send one guy.

[1:14:43] Whatever.

[1:14:44] That's...

[1:14:44] I can tell my man to rule.

[1:14:47] People like me.

[1:14:49] Were treated so differently.

[1:14:51] No, no.

[1:14:52] They were wrong.

[1:14:53] They were trying to send me off the ball.

[1:14:55] I don't know what to say.

[1:14:57] Why is the goth girl dancing to this?

[1:14:59] Because now I'm writing this shit.

[1:15:01] I'm funky.

[1:15:02] I'm flat.

[1:15:02] Again, pre-Gangnam.

[1:15:04] Pre-Gangnam.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:06] This is the most entertaining thing that happens in the movie.

[1:15:09] The villain talking about how great she is.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:11] In song.

[1:15:13] Singing about how great she is.

[1:15:14] Singing about how great she is.

[1:15:14] She's not even miked.

[1:15:15] You know I'm gonna flaunt it.

[1:15:17] Fabulous.

[1:15:18] Gotta make you want it.

[1:15:19] I'm so fabulous.

[1:15:26] I mean...

[1:15:27] Oh, the deaf kid is not impressed.

[1:15:30] Thank you so much.

S4

[1:15:32] And now, for a real treat, I'd like to invite my dear, dear friend to go nuts.

[1:15:39] Oh my god!

[1:15:40] I guess she's gonna let me go first.

[1:15:43] Yazzie darling, a little bird told me that you just love to sing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:48] A talking bird.

[1:15:50] That's right, everybody.

[1:15:51] Uh, exit stage left.

[1:15:55] I just go...

Dan McCoy

[1:15:56] I gotta fix my hair.

[1:15:59] I gotta go hit on a little girl.

[1:16:00] Carry her up there.

[1:16:02] She is a sacrifice.

[1:16:04] Little Wolverine's gotta go.

[1:16:08] This is gonna be fantastic.

[1:16:11] Raise the rope, Gadsden.

[1:16:13] Let's go.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:14] She loves him for that.

[1:16:15] Thank you, stupid nerd.

[1:16:16] We love you, Jasmine!

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:21] This is not the climax of the movie, by the way.

[1:16:23] They're building it up like it is.

[1:16:25] There's like a hundred hours of movie after this.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:32] She's gonna do it.

[1:16:33] On my own!

[1:16:37] It's my birthday.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:38] And did those feet in ancient times

[1:16:42] Walk upon England's mountain

[1:16:45] Oh, me so home.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:50] Oh, no, she can't do it!

[1:16:54] Oh, no, Jasmine.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:55] Also, what song was she gonna...

[1:16:58] Those Misfit fans in the back were pretty sad about it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:08] I gotta say, that is an amazing camera phone.

[1:17:11] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:11] She put in a nice Meredith 2816 mortis.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:15] That's a professional job.

[1:17:16] Come on!

[1:17:23] Did Sympathy for the Devil just start playing?

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:30] Oh, no.

[1:17:33] Voiced by her own batard.

[1:17:34] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:35] All right.

[1:17:37] Just at one point.

[1:17:38] How did the deaf kid know that he should start doing Latin dancing?

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:42] Well, because obviously she's Hispanic, so Hispanic culture.

[1:17:46] Oh, he's back again.

[1:17:52] So this goes on for a little bit.

[1:17:56] Oh, no, it doesn't.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:01] Wait, but what did she unplug?

[1:18:02] If she still...

Dan McCoy

[1:18:03] She unplugged a giant yellow...

[1:18:05] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:14] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:18] Yep.

[1:18:19] I mean, that's genuinely impressive.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:21] Why is Snoop Dogg there?

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:27] Not really.

[1:18:29] Yeah, I mean, whatever.

[1:18:32] Oh.

[1:18:34] You pushed your luck too far.

[1:18:40] So it's just...

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:46] It's kind of just a commercial for MTV now.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:53] Oh.

[1:18:54] What are you, deaf?

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:57] I was just frightened by that horse.

S4

[1:19:00] Pretty good at lip ratings.

[1:19:02] Not that good.

[1:19:04] What?

[1:19:04] Right on the bass screen.

[1:19:06] Oh.

[1:19:07] Don't remind me.

[1:19:08] So humiliating.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:10] I don't know what I get you then.

[1:19:12] Consider the source.

[1:19:14] God?

[1:19:15] I don't...

Dan McCoy

[1:19:15] You got an eyelash there.

[1:19:19] Make a wish.

[1:19:23] Oh.

[1:19:28] To be fair, that is very unprofessional.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:34] Why is she talking to Willie Ames?

[1:19:40] That was toast so unnecessary.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:44] She could have walked there faster.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:46] I don't know if an elephant is the fastest mode of transport.

S4

[1:19:49] You're fired.

[1:19:52] Now clean up this disgusting mess before my desk is built.

[1:19:55] Cameron, what are you doing?

[1:19:56] Get up.

[1:19:57] Cameron!

[1:19:59] Cameron?

[1:20:01] Cameron?

[1:20:02] Give me a drink.

[1:20:06] Get your own drink.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:08] I don't...

[1:20:08] Oh.

[1:20:10] I don't work for you.

[1:20:12] Oh.

S4

[1:20:14] It's a lot of jumbo.

[1:20:16] What?

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:18] Oh no, a cake.

[1:20:20] You knew that was going to happen when you saw the cake.

[1:20:23] Oh God!

[1:20:24] Oh!

[1:20:25] Oh!

[1:20:26] Oh!

S4

[1:20:30] Oh!

[1:20:32] Stop it!

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:34] Stop it!

[1:20:34] It's true.

[1:20:35] Pride does go with before the fall.

[1:20:37] This is my opinion.

[1:20:38] It's over 360 party.

[1:20:39] Everybody go back to your side tables.

[1:20:41] Now I remember that we also saw there was a pool, right?

[1:20:44] Oh, there you go.

[1:20:46] Oh, she didn't fall in.

[1:20:47] Good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:51] No!

[1:20:52] It's going to crush her!

S4

[1:20:53] Oh!

[1:20:53] Oh, the sassy elephant.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:08] Huh?

[1:21:09] Origin moment.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:20] Wait for it.

[1:21:21] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:24] Yes.

[1:21:26] And thus the Brats were born.

[1:21:31] Most of the way into the movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:32] Welcome to the Brats.

[1:21:33] I hope you survived the experience.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:37] I dub thee Sir Brats.

[1:21:40] Is it a karate club?

[1:21:43] Hey, Bethany.

[1:21:45] So, we've been talking.

[1:21:47] You can't be Brats.

[1:21:48] We're a really great cheerleader.

S4

[1:21:49] And we really want you to be a part of the team.

[1:21:52] But if you don't want to hang out with us,

[1:21:54] then maybe you can have the right kind of school spirit for the job.

[1:21:57] Oh.

[1:21:57] So you're saying if I'm not a part of your clique,

[1:22:00] go off the squad?

[1:22:02] Think about it.

[1:22:07] Hey.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:09] Do we need to spend more time with us?

[1:22:11] Or we need to cut you from the roster?

[1:22:12] These are the clingiest clubs.

S4

[1:22:14] That's true.

[1:22:15] I know.

[1:22:16] Don't do that, guys.

[1:22:17] I'm afraid that's not up to me.

[1:22:19] It's up to the screenwriter.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:25] I like the chemistry.

[1:22:26] We're kicking you out even though you're the only hot girl in our club.

S4

[1:22:29] The only way to get everyone back together is to win the talent show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:32] How?

[1:22:34] How does that...

[1:22:35] Where's the logic there?

[1:22:37] Elliot.

[1:22:39] Tale as old as time.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:40] No, it's not.

[1:22:44] That's just what a chicken sounds like.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:46] She's like everyone on Arrested Development when they try to do a chicken song.

[1:22:49] Ba-ba-ba-ba.

[1:22:49] Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:51] Has anyone in this family seen a chicken?

[1:22:54] I'm a choreographed.

[1:22:55] Chloe will flash the background with her video bling.

[1:22:57] And Jay will...

[1:22:58] 2147.

[1:23:01] 2148.

[1:23:02] 515.

[1:23:03] Wait, what?

[1:23:04] They're just saying numbers.

[1:23:05] I don't understand what...

[1:23:06] Well, she's...

[1:23:07] To show she's autistic.

[1:23:08] And we're gonna need back to the news too.

[1:23:09] And dancers!

[1:23:10] Why stop there?

S4

[1:23:11] We should get everyone who merited the shot down to perform it.

[1:23:13] Perfect!

[1:23:14] Then you don't need me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:15] We'll have everyone in the world in our performance.

[1:23:19] Know anyone who might need that?

[1:23:21] Our klutzy poor friend.

[1:23:24] She's so poor.

S4

[1:23:26] Say hi.

[1:23:27] But only for close.

[1:23:30] But I still can't do it.

[1:23:31] Why?

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:32] You just agreed to.

S4

[1:23:33] Because you don't have a name.

[1:23:37] Because it is a stuff.

[1:23:38] Brat!

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:40] Oh, snap.

[1:23:42] We have a ringtone.

[1:23:44] And you said it with a Z.

[1:23:45] Brat!

[1:23:46] Yeah!

[1:23:47] Yeah!

[1:23:48] Oh, my God.

[1:23:50] Yes.

[1:23:51] Okay, time to...

[1:23:52] Time to get serious, brats.

[1:23:54] Time to get down to work.

[1:23:55] Hey.

[1:23:55] Why are they rehearsing?

[1:24:02] They're already perfect.

[1:24:03] Why are they rehearsing?

[1:24:06] They're already perfect.

[1:24:07] Next.

S4

[1:24:12] The mime.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:24] Oh, yeah.

[1:24:24] She's a video editor.

[1:24:25] Did we not explain that earlier in the movie?

[1:24:27] Well, that's what she is now.

[1:24:31] Perfect.

[1:24:34] It's never been done before.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:41] So do they have classes to go to?

[1:24:44] That guy is 35.

S4

[1:24:48] So this is less a montage and more of the editor saying,

Dan McCoy

[1:25:01] we've got a lot of extra footage.

[1:25:03] We've got to fit it into the movie somewhere.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:05] What they're saying is,

[1:25:06] this movie has to be at least 90 minutes long.

[1:25:09] Again, a middle-aged man.

[1:25:15] Says no gambling in the dance studio room.

[1:25:18] Yeah.

[1:25:18] And that's how we have to start.

[1:25:21] You're so much stronger than you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:24] You're so much stronger than you know.

[1:25:27] Oh, man.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:31] Hey, remember Kadeem Hardison was in this movie?

[1:25:34] I love their painting.

[1:25:36] Oh, my dad.

[1:25:37] I'm so exhausted.

[1:25:38] I completely forgot.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:40] You know what?

[1:25:40] You go into bed.

[1:25:41] I'll call.

[1:25:42] And I'm just going to tell you something.

[1:25:44] I'm really proud of you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:45] I had my own character arc, daughter.

[1:25:48] Off camera.

[1:25:50] Now I'm a chess genius,

[1:25:51] and I've patched things up with your mother.

[1:25:57] Did you notice the new banisters?

Dan McCoy

[1:26:01] This is the equivalent of doing a cartoon voice for Kadeem Hardison.

[1:26:07] He's like, one day of work?

[1:26:08] Great.

[1:26:09] I'm there.

[1:26:10] Brad's.

[1:26:11] Sure.

[1:26:15] Five, six.

[1:26:19] What?

[1:26:20] Oh, Bratz.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:21] What?

[1:26:21] Oh, Bratz.

[1:26:23] Wait a minute.

[1:26:24] The Bratz are breaking.

[1:26:25] Where did she get that ceremonial die show?

S4

[1:26:28] About these embarrassing thoughts that I have right here on your phone.

[1:26:31] Sasha, she's particularly Chloe.

[1:26:34] Chloe.

[1:26:36] I'm pretty sure Chloe wouldn't want the entire student body to know.

[1:26:40] Is she going to cut her head off?

Dan McCoy

[1:26:43] This is like Rising Sun.

[1:26:46] This is about Japanese infiltrating high finance jobs.

[1:26:50] And they're going to eat sushi off a naked woman?

S4

[1:26:53] I hate to do it, but you can certainly see my predicament.

[1:26:57] All these swords and nowhere to put them.

[1:26:59] How pathetic.

[1:27:02] I can't believe you've spent half your time documenting dirt on everyone else.

[1:27:06] You really need to get away.

[1:27:08] Oh, I have one.

[1:27:09] And it is fabulous.

[1:27:10] I hate it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:14] Just don't be in the movie anymore.

[1:27:19] I love the sound they put in there.

[1:27:25] Was it?

Dan McCoy

[1:27:27] Did this movie come out like a day after jump drives were invented?

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:34] He's got his hand on it.

[1:27:36] Well, you know kids.

[1:27:36] They're usually not up on the latest in phone or computer technologies.

[1:27:40] Guys, come here.

[1:27:41] You have to see this.

[1:27:42] We are so excited.

[1:27:43] Take my show.

[1:27:43] Ready?

S4

[1:27:44] Come on.

[1:27:44] Five.

[1:27:45] Three.

[1:27:45] Gotta win.

[1:27:48] Hey, he's telling you something.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:49] I'm pregnant.

S4

[1:27:54] I'm dropping out of town.

[1:27:56] I just can't do it.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:58] I'm too boring.

[1:28:00] I'm sorry.

[1:28:01] I need to spend more time with my belt.

[1:28:04] And I never really wanted to do it anyway.

[1:28:07] And I hate you.

[1:28:08] And goodbye.

[1:28:09] Two years later.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:20] Well, we all went to the same college.

[1:28:22] I guess we're friends again.

S4

[1:28:22] And you?

[1:28:23] You're the one dropping out?

[1:28:26] Whatever.

[1:28:27] I don't want to talk about it.

[1:28:29] You don't want to talk about it?

[1:28:31] Can we talk about the fact that my grades have dropped?

[1:28:33] How selfish can you be?

[1:28:34] What happened to stick it together?

Dan McCoy

[1:28:39] That's what good waffles do.

[1:28:43] Right.

S4

[1:28:44] Okay.

[1:28:45] Well, I guess if you're not feeling any more, then we're not feeling you.

[1:28:49] Come on, girls.

[1:28:50] We're through here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:51] Brats no more.

[1:28:52] Hmm.

S4

[1:28:53] From the admin?

[1:28:54] Delete my number from your cell phone, okay?

[1:28:57] Right.

[1:28:58] Yeah.

[1:28:59] That was about right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:02] I can't use a phone, so.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:21] Today is going to be the day.

[1:29:23] They made that special sticker.

[1:29:25] Oh, press cancel.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:27] Now there's only the burp squad.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:29] I hope you had the time of your life.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:34] How do you talk to an angel?

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:39] Dust in the wind.

[1:29:41] All we are is dust in the wind.

[1:29:44] I want to see the Bracosaurus dancers.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:49] Oh, even combination Peter Frampton, Fred Armisen is shunning her.

[1:29:53] I do not know where you get Fred Armisen in him.

[1:29:55] Come on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:56] Come on.

[1:29:57] No, that was not a successful argument.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:06] I believe you promised me chocolate.

S4

[1:30:10] Then decide.

[1:30:16] Stop getting me in ya.

[1:30:18] Stop getting me in ya.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:18] What?

[1:30:20] They're really using just first grade Spanish.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:25] Okay.

[1:30:27] What's going on?

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:28] Of course, that's it.

[1:30:29] We're Spanish.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:37] Plotting their revenge.

[1:30:41] Brown.

[1:30:43] Blue.

[1:30:44] Or nothing.

S4

[1:30:46] Hold on.

[1:30:46] Brown.

[1:30:48] Why aren't you girls getting ready?

[1:30:50] Mom, we're not going.

[1:30:52] Not going?

[1:30:53] Why?

[1:30:54] Yasmin failed Anna.

[1:30:56] Yasmin?

[1:30:57] Just quit the show.

[1:30:59] We thought our friendship was more important.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:00] Yasmin, but she was the brattiest of them all.

S4

[1:31:02] What did we get through?

[1:31:03] We put it all on the line.

[1:31:05] I don't believe it.

[1:31:07] Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:08] Someone's...

[1:31:09] Yeah, tell me about it.

[1:31:11] Time for some mom detective work.

S5

[1:31:15] You girls have been friends forever.

[1:31:17] Don't you think that you at least...

Dan McCoy

[1:31:19] Since the beginning of the universe.

[1:31:24] There's a fox in the Bratt house.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:33] Wait a minute.

[1:31:34] Something doesn't Bratz up.

[1:31:38] It's a little Bratz-y.

[1:31:39] Too Bratz-y.

S4

[1:31:43] Domino's.

[1:31:44] Baron Cohen.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:49] We're stalking you.

[1:31:52] I just wanted to tell you,

[1:31:54] I'm not doing the talent show.

[1:32:00] You do remember where my house is.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:02] Bratzio, oh Bratzio,

[1:32:04] wherefore art thou Bratzio?

[1:32:06] So they resolve their problems.

[1:32:09] So that's...

[1:32:10] Bratz of all ages.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:17] Yeah, round of applause for magic.

S4

[1:32:18] Before we begin,

[1:32:19] I'd like to introduce you

[1:32:21] to our illustrious celebrity judges

[1:32:22] who will be voting for me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:26] What?

[1:32:27] Wait, that seems...

[1:32:28] Check out those ceramics, guys.

[1:32:35] Yeah, those are great ceramics.

[1:32:36] And the books up there.

[1:32:37] I wonder what those books are.

S4

[1:32:38] We should have known anyway.

[1:32:40] We want to do the talent show.

[1:32:42] It's you.

[1:32:43] But guys,

[1:32:44] remember Meredith?

[1:32:46] Whatever.

[1:32:47] If we let Meredith scare us

[1:32:48] into quitting the show,

[1:32:49] then it's all over.

[1:32:50] She's gonna make our life miserable

[1:32:51] for the rest of the year.

[1:32:52] Yeah, and it doesn't matter

[1:32:53] if we win.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:54] We got...

[1:32:55] Guys, the show has started.

[1:32:57] So let me get this straight.

[1:32:58] Tony Kushner wrote this script,

[1:33:00] by the way.

[1:33:00] Oh, so it's gonna be going

[1:33:01] for nights.

[1:33:02] Yeah.

[1:33:02] Post school,

[1:33:03] everyone laughing at us

[1:33:04] thinking we're losers

[1:33:05] until we got...

[1:33:06] You've been laughed at

[1:33:07] so many times by this point.

S4

[1:33:09] Exercise?

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:10] Yeah, I got enough exercise.

[1:33:12] Just pushing my luck.

[1:33:14] Little chop.

[1:33:17] Anyway.

[1:33:18] Yeah.

[1:33:19] What a term I do for breakfast.

[1:33:22] Oak meal.

[1:33:23] Get it?

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:24] I get it.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:25] Neil Hamburger, everyone.

[1:33:26] Neil Hamburger.

S4

[1:33:32] He already went into his closing bit.

[1:33:34] That's not good.

[1:33:36] That was just hilarious.

[1:33:38] Really.

[1:33:39] Really wonderful.

[1:33:41] Hilarious.

[1:33:43] Good competition.

[1:33:45] Our next act is simply amazing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:51] Why is Harold Reign just so unhappy

[1:33:53] with what's going on?

[1:34:00] I want to see that guy's parents.

[1:34:13] All right, maybe.

[1:34:14] Yeah, maybe.

[1:34:14] Maybe.

[1:34:16] Live from Camination High,

[1:34:18] Meredith and the Meredith.

[1:34:21] Oh, another musical number.

[1:34:24] That's right.

[1:34:25] Second musical number for the villain.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:30] Get ready, guys.

[1:34:31] The sass levels are about to get dangerous.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:36] Maybe she'd have more friends

[1:34:37] if she didn't sing about how great she is

[1:34:39] all the time.

[1:34:40] No, it's not about me.

[1:34:43] No, it's not about me.

[1:34:44] Oh, this is unethical.

[1:34:46] Unethical.

[1:34:47] Well, Batman.

[1:34:53] Well, well, well.

[1:34:55] Meredith thinks she has won the talent show, Batman.

[1:34:59] You're showing your gratitude, Batman.

[1:35:03] So they're vampires now?

[1:35:04] Is that what we're supposed to think?

S4

[1:35:06] Don't hate me because I got it going on.

[1:35:12] It's just me.

[1:35:13] I'm hot, never cold.

[1:35:15] I can rock it anyway.

[1:35:16] I'm so good.

[1:35:18] Oh, yeah.

[1:35:19] I make up all the rules.

[1:35:21] I can help you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:21] Yeah.

[1:35:22] Yep, there you go.

S4

[1:35:23] Jon Voight, Academy Award winner.

[1:35:25] To be my best friend.

[1:35:27] It's infectious.

[1:35:28] Come on, don't you be jealous.

[1:35:29] Just join in this love fest.

[1:35:31] You know that it's all about me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:34] Those were side rhymes at best.

[1:35:37] Slant rhyme.

[1:35:39] So soundtrack album available through Interscope or EMI, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:48] Again, MySpace.

[1:35:52] I have to assume they tried to get real celebrities for the celebrity judges, failed, and then just

[1:35:58] got people to look like old celebrities.

[1:35:59] The craft is here.

[1:36:12] She's even being mean to her backup dancers.

[1:36:18] The revolution's starting.

[1:36:20] Come on.

[1:36:20] Don't blame her.

[1:36:23] I'm so beautiful.

S4

[1:36:25] I'm not your fault.

[1:36:26] I'm platinum and gold.

[1:36:28] She's the queen and my reign is supreme.

[1:36:31] Yeah.

[1:36:31] The pop is so mean that you're all on my team.

[1:36:34] I can't help it if I set all the trends.

[1:36:38] Everybody wants to be my best friend.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:41] It is impossible to say anything about this.

[1:36:44] No, she is wrong.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:51] Wrong.

[1:36:51] Elliot, I'm uncomfortable with the amount of butt that's happening here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:55] I don't like it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:57] She's supposed to be a teenager, Dan.

[1:36:59] It's fine.

[1:37:01] I think you have that backwards.

[1:37:03] So are we supposed to believe she wrote that song?

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:18] No, do not applaud her.

[1:37:21] Do not.

[1:37:21] You're applauding evil and skirts that are too short.

[1:37:25] Isn't that awesome?

[1:37:28] Ladies and gentlemen, let's see who you have chosen as this year's most talented student

[1:37:33] at Perry Nation High.

[1:37:35] Record scratcher.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:36] I mean, everything's, everyone's done their, oh, what the?

[1:37:40] Brats of the world rise.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:42] You have nothing to lose but your brats.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:44] This is highly irregular.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:47] I'll allow it.

[1:37:48] There's nothing in the rule book that says the brats can't do it in a routine.

[1:37:52] Actually, there is.

[1:37:53] You have to have applied by a certain deadline.

[1:37:54] Oh, I'm sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:55] But I'll allow it.

[1:37:56] Oh!

[1:37:57] There it is.

[1:37:58] Bag it.

[1:37:59] Introduce this, Chloe.

[1:38:00] Wait!

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:01] It's Chloe.

[1:38:02] Not Chloe's job to introduce.

[1:38:03] Do you want to do this to your friends, Jasmine?

Dan McCoy

[1:38:09] Do it.

[1:38:09] I draw power from Kadeem Hardison.

S4

[1:38:11] It's my responsibility if your student body tries to let you know who these brats are.

[1:38:16] They're brats.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:20] It's anthrax.

[1:38:21] All right, guys, get ready to not be shocked by anything.

[1:38:24] Yeah.

[1:38:26] Exhibit A.

[1:38:27] The fashion stuff.

S4

[1:38:29] I say, imposter stuff.

[1:38:32] She likes to her parents, to her teachers, and to you.

[1:38:37] This is who you think she is.

[1:38:39] This.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:40] Unless you look at her.

[1:38:41] Yeah, she's wearing the...

S4

[1:38:42] I mean, she looks like that at all.

[1:38:43] She wears that at school.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:44] She's wearing it right now.

[1:38:45] She looks like that right now.

S4

[1:38:47] I'm not eager to show you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:49] I'm the third girl.

S4

[1:38:50] I love science and math and my parents.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:55] Yes.

[1:38:56] So she's like a school girl by day and...

[1:38:58] A scientist by night, yeah.

[1:39:00] If I can't be that, I'm nobody.

S4

[1:39:03] I want everyone in my life to accept that.

[1:39:06] And I'm gay.

[1:39:07] Wait, why perfect daughter?

[1:39:19] What is...

[1:39:20] Awkward.

[1:39:27] In case you're wondering when this happened in the movie, it didn't.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:38] It's true.

S4

[1:39:40] Wait, really?

[1:39:40] My mom did clean Meredith's house.

[1:39:43] She would do anything to provide for us.

[1:39:47] My mom?

[1:39:51] My mom's my hero.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:52] You're clouding the issue.

[1:39:53] Did you steal the doll or not steal the doll?

[1:39:58] But I never took your doll.

[1:40:00] Actually, I did.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:02] Oh.

[1:40:03] A surprise witness.

[1:40:05] Okay, that faded out really quickly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:09] I'm very sorry.

S4

[1:40:11] Most of my friends are like a tough jock, but I've been taking ballet since I was a kid.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:15] He does look like a tough jock.

S4

[1:40:16] I like it.

[1:40:18] I cheated on my pop quiz.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:22] So this is just a general airing of...

[1:40:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:24] It's like a Quaker meeting.

[1:40:27] All right.

[1:40:30] So the talent show has been put on hold for like four hours.

[1:40:36] And they're on stage.

[1:40:43] Yep.

S4

[1:40:49] This is a thing that people made.

[1:40:51] Yep.

[1:41:13] Violin.

[1:41:15] Violin.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:26] There's a lot of words that rhyme with gratitude.

[1:41:29] A surprising number of words.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:34] Okay.

[1:41:34] Keep nodding.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:42] There's a lot of buildup.

[1:41:43] Yeah, I did.

[1:41:45] Am I watching the end of Rent?

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:59] So when did they rehearse this with everybody?

[1:42:03] Saxophone.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:05] Oh, yeah.

[1:42:06] Oh, yeah.

[1:42:11] Does that disqualify them because those guys aren't students?

[1:42:14] It's got to be.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:15] And if they've got G.E.

[1:42:17] Smith and a Saturday Night Live band backing them up, too.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:19] Also, apparently Manhattan Transfer wrote this song for them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:24] Oh, that's not a laugh, but I laughed anyway.

S4

[1:42:26] I kind of like Meredith's songs better.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:36] As on the song level, it is a better song.

[1:42:39] Yeah.

[1:42:40] But they also have a multimedia display.

[1:42:43] Nice.

[1:42:44] And a choir.

[1:42:45] The movie's attacking me at all times.

S4

[1:42:57] Yeah.

[1:43:05] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:08] These kids really have the angle on the adult contemporary rock that young people love.

S4

[1:43:13] Oh, I hate this.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:23] When they go into the audience and the audience has to dance along.

[1:43:25] It's like Dr. John.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:28] This 1970s jazz fusion is taking this high school by storm.

[1:43:32] We should be married.

[1:43:33] Yeah.

[1:43:34] Uh-oh.

[1:43:35] That's all you're getting.

[1:43:36] Goodbye.

[1:43:39] I appreciate what you did, but I don't find you attractive.

S4

[1:43:49] That's the best offer I've heard all day.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:51] And I'm a brook.

[1:43:53] He did it.

[1:43:54] Cameron did it.

[1:44:00] Can you please not touch my turntables?

[1:44:03] This is my one thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:15] Seriously, did Steely Dan write this?

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:17] I don't understand what's happening.

[1:44:19] I wish.

[1:44:20] It's Bratitude, Dan.

[1:44:22] This is the purest musical expression of Bratitude.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:25] I do not think that this light rock jazz fusion is what high schoolers love.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:32] Yeah, this is just like your Sum 41s and whatever.

[1:44:35] You know, your systems of a down.

[1:44:39] Your Justin Bieber's.

[1:44:43] Your Carly Rae's Jepsen.

[1:44:45] Oh, when did they make those?

[1:44:45] Yeah, that's right.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:48] Ringers in the audience.

[1:45:04] Streamers.

[1:45:05] Yeah.

[1:45:08] They earned that ending.

[1:45:10] Lawless Brats.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:13] Brats level up.

[1:45:15] And then put the music in from when the space shuttle lands.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:18] Bratitude points plus 100.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:22] Ultra Brats bonus.

[1:45:25] So the way to win the talent show is to have everyone who votes on the talent show be in your performance.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:32] You were all absolutely wonderful.

[1:45:36] And the winner is...

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:38] Wait, did they print it up in an envelope?

[1:45:40] Yep.

[1:45:40] It's a tie.

[1:45:42] It's a tie.

S4

[1:45:44] Well, we...

[1:45:44] And that's first...

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:45] The karate guy and the stand-up.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:49] ...present the golden hatchet to Meredith Baxter Dimman.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:53] Yay!

[1:45:54] Boo!

[1:45:55] Boo!

[1:45:56] Boo!

[1:45:59] Burn her!

[1:45:59] I mean, she earned it.

[1:46:00] She did.

[1:46:01] She also emceed the show, I mean...

[1:46:04] That's a conflict of interest.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:05] She's multi-talented.

[1:46:07] It goes to the Brats.

[1:46:11] Because we're rich.

[1:46:13] Whatever.

[1:46:13] We don't need it.

[1:46:14] Give it to them.

[1:46:19] So are scholarships usually given in the form of diplomas?

[1:46:22] Yep.

[1:46:23] That guy looks cool.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:33] Hey, I'm a pedophile.

[1:46:34] What's up?

[1:46:35] It's me, Frosted Gary Busey.

[1:46:37] How are ya?

[1:46:39] Outrageous.

[1:46:39] My idea.

[1:46:40] Smart girl.

[1:46:41] What's fucking Guy Fieri doing here?

[1:46:43] Whoa.

[1:46:44] Whoa.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:44] You have got superstar written all over you.

[1:46:48] They do?

[1:46:49] No, without question.

[1:46:51] If we're having a movie premiere next Saturday night, how would you girls like to be the featured

[1:46:55] act on the red carpet?

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:57] Sure.

[1:46:58] Because that's a thing people do, right?

[1:47:01] Anyway, the movie is Joe's apartment.

[1:47:03] MTV Films.

[1:47:05] Here.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:07] Take the world's worst business card.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:13] I mean, except you're stupid, so.

[1:47:19] Your soccer scholarship fell through, by the way.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:24] She's going to fall over and break the scholarship and not be able to use it.

[1:47:31] No, B-R-A-T-Z.

[1:47:33] You spelled it in your song.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:35] Where'd they get those belts made?

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:39] Oh, there they are.

[1:47:39] We get more.

[1:47:43] So is...

[1:47:45] The red carpet doesn't lead anywhere.

[1:47:48] It just...

[1:47:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:58] Operation Kill the Brats.

[1:48:02] How'd they get that beret on the dog?

Dan McCoy

[1:48:12] Elliot, is that a prep for Brats 2?

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:14] I just...

[1:48:15] Brando Murphy did such a great job as Loner Boy, and let's not forget Nina Luna.

[1:48:18] Let's not forget Les Borman.

[1:48:21] Also, Paula Froelich as herself.

[1:48:22] I don't know who that is, but she played herself.

[1:48:28] All the stunt players, stunt coordinators.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:30] Yeah, sure.

[1:48:30] I'm not Mark Rappaport.

[1:48:33] Randy Lamb.

[1:48:34] The horniest lamb there is.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:36] Alvester Martin III of the Alvester Martins.

[1:48:40] Anna Mercedes Morris.

[1:48:41] The woman who's so close to his car.

[1:48:42] Steven Spielberg's Mike Munich.

[1:48:45] Don J. Hug.

[1:48:46] Famous for his hugs.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:48] Jill Hoppe and Jill Mexie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:53] These names aren't as funny.

[1:48:55] I don't know.

[1:48:56] I don't know.

[1:49:01] Carlos Aragorn.

[1:49:05] And of course, Bud Fries.

[1:49:07] Who wouldn't want a side of Bud Fries?

[1:49:10] Still photographer Chuck Zlotnick.

[1:49:13] Let's not forget Chris Fish Shadley, who is a fish.

[1:49:19] And Don DB Black.

[1:49:20] Not a nickname.

[1:49:21] Just his initials.

[1:49:23] So what do you think's next for the Brats?

[1:49:25] I assume drugs.

[1:49:26] They fall apart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:27] Well, college, right?

[1:49:28] Aren't they going to college?

[1:49:29] No, they're not going to college.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:30] They're superstars.

[1:49:32] Well, one of them is going to college.

[1:49:35] One of them got a...

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:35] So in the next one, does Meredith team up with them?

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:39] Yeah, in Brats too, I assume they have to team up with Meredith for an even worse threat.

[1:49:42] Yeah.

[1:49:43] Which would be like the Nega Brats from an evil parallel universe or something?

[1:49:47] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:48] So what do you think?

[1:49:49] Has this been a bad, bad live show?

[1:49:54] A good, bad live show?

[1:49:56] Or a live show you actually kind of liked?

[1:49:58] Damn.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:59] I had a good time.

[1:50:00] Come on.

[1:50:01] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:02] I'm going to say bad, bad.

[1:50:03] You both stink.

[1:50:05] Bad, bad.

[1:50:06] Big surprise.

[1:50:07] Big surprise.

[1:50:07] That was a shock ending.

[1:50:08] It's a Shyamalan style.

[1:50:09] Hey, let's take a moment to recognize that.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:11] Elephant provided by half trunk will travel.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:14] And paws for effects provided the dog.

[1:50:18] The best jokes in the credits, just names of companies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:22] They're kind of bored watching the show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:26] And okay, so the Brats are still performing.

[1:50:35] Why does it say engineer Prague?

[1:50:37] Did they shoot this movie in Prague?

[1:50:41] What scenes in this could possibly have been shot in Prague?

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:46] Okay, well, I guess it's...

[1:50:47] Okay, and now all that's...

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:48] You thought you were done.

[1:50:49] No.

[1:50:49] That's weird.

[1:50:50] Now it's Jade's time to shine.

[1:50:53] Come on, Stuart.

[1:50:53] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:57] I'm uncomfortable with all these people watching, Dan.

[1:51:03] But you have some really nice moves.

[1:51:06] Oh, tushies?

[1:51:08] Okay.

[1:51:12] Oh, wait, wait.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:13] I'm going to continue to sit this out.

[1:51:16] As Dan and Stuart slow groove.

[1:51:18] So wait, we're...

[1:51:19] Okay.

[1:51:20] No.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:23] Bounce up and down?

[1:51:24] Is that...

[1:51:25] No, that's...

[1:51:26] Now your head's down.

[1:51:27] Are you mad at me?

[1:51:30] Brats, everyone.

[1:51:33] Oh, Brats.

[1:51:34] Oh, Brats.

[1:51:39] You're telling us to keep going?

[1:51:41] Just keep talking?

[1:51:42] Should we keep talking because the movie's not over?

[1:51:44] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:51:45] So, everybody, if you'd like to see more people talking over bad movies,

[1:51:50] on February 1st, we're doing another one of these here.

[1:51:54] For the legendary bad movie, Don't Tell Her It's Me.

[1:51:59] AKA...

[1:51:59] The Boyfriend School.

[1:52:01] Starring Steve Guttenberg.

[1:52:03] On 35mm.

[1:52:06] On 35mm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:08] Was this not 35mm film?

[1:52:10] It was as good as.

[1:52:11] Okay.

[1:52:12] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:13] If you want to see a movie starring Steve Guttenberger...

[1:52:16] Steve Guttenberger?

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:18] Wait, I would like to see that.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:19] Steve Guttenberger?

[1:52:21] Steve Guttenberg, Shelley Long, and Jamie Gertz.

[1:52:24] And Kyle MacLachlan.

[1:52:25] And Kyle MacLachlan.

[1:52:26] And Machen Amec.

[1:52:27] And Machen Amec all in one movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:30] Is there an animated title sequence?

[1:52:32] Yes.

[1:52:32] There is.

[1:52:35] I guess I want to talk about how Steven Guttenberg starts the movie,

[1:52:38] but I think I should.

[1:52:38] Does Steven Guttenberg...

[1:52:39] No spoilers.

[1:52:40] No spoilers.

Dan McCoy

[1:52:40] Steven Guttenberg.

[1:52:41] I call him Steven Guttenberg.

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:44] Does Steven Guttenberg...

[1:52:45] You don't know him well enough to call him Steve.

[1:52:46] He's just Steven...

Dan McCoy

[1:52:47] He's Mr. Steven Guttenberg to you.

[1:52:49] Does Mr. Steven Guttenberg play for part of the movie a New Zealander motorcyclist named Lobo Marengue?

[1:53:00] Yes, he does.

[1:53:01] Yes, he does.

[1:53:01] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:04] I believe this is the song Rainy Day, performed by Janelle Parrish.

Dan McCoy

[1:53:08] Yeah, this was the attempt to make Janelle Parrish a star.

[1:53:13] She was going to be a breakout star.

[1:53:14] And we all remember how that turned out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:17] Well, yeah, she's the biggest star in music today.

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:20] Oh, look at all them little brats in there with her.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:25] Oh, the Bratz piano.

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:26] I think we sold at auction for $4 million.

[1:53:28] When you were doing research into the Bratz, what's the deal with the asterisk next to the Halo, Ksenia?

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:35] I don't think I ever noticed one.

[1:53:37] I assume that's to say they're not that good.

[1:53:40] Also, the asterisk leads to a footnote that says, Halo not endorsed by God.

[1:53:45] Maybe it's just mimicking.

[1:53:46] Halo is not meant to imply endorsement by heaven.

[1:53:49] Heaven reserves all rights.

S5

[1:53:51] Elliot.

[1:53:52] Yes.

[1:53:52] Maybe it's just mimicking the way girls text to each other.

[1:53:56] Ah.

Dan McCoy

[1:53:56] Do they use a lot of footnotes?

S5

[1:53:57] You know, they like to use little stars and smiley faces, you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:54:01] Like David Foster Wallace, the way David Foster Wallace texts.

[1:54:04] Yes, just like that.

[1:54:05] That's what it is.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:08] Well, that's it.

Dan McCoy

[1:54:10] Bratz.

[1:54:11] Bratz, everyone.

[1:54:11] Come on up, you guys.

[1:54:13] Bratz.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:14] Bratz the movie.

[1:54:15] I hope all of you now have a better understanding of the principles of gratitude, how you can apply it to your own life, and the rules of success that every brat knows.

S5

[1:54:25] Thank you very much for coming.

[1:54:27] I just want to do a quick plug, since a lot of you like podcasts.

[1:54:31] I do a podcast.

[1:54:32] Here it is, a commercial.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:34] With my friend Eleanor Kagan about good and bad movies.

S5

[1:54:38] And what's this podcast called?

[1:54:40] It is called Bonnie and Maude.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:43] And where do you get it?

[1:54:44] How do you find this?

S5

[1:54:45] You can find us.

[1:54:46] On the internet?

[1:54:47] Yes.

[1:54:48] At BonnieandMa.com, and there are also little flyers out on the table out there, so you remember.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:55] Okay.

[1:54:55] And where, and have you signed any major contracts for this podcast that you want to announce?

[1:55:04] No, but we are on iTunes.

[1:55:06] Yeah, iTunes.

[1:55:07] Good enough.

[1:55:08] Good enough.

Stuart Wellington

[1:55:08] And can we reveal it now?

[1:55:11] That Steve Guttenberg in person will not be part of the February 1st screening?

[1:55:16] Yes.

S5

[1:55:16] You mean Steven Guttenberger?

Elliott Kalan

[1:55:19] Dr. Steven Guttenberger will not be part of it.

[1:55:22] Steven Guttenberger and Shemmy Rong will not be at the screening, and neither will Kyle McMahon hands.

Dan McCoy

[1:55:33] That's it, I guess.

[1:55:35] That's it.

[1:55:35] Yeah, great.

[1:55:36] Thanks for coming.

[1:55:36] Have a good night.

[1:55:37] Thank you very much for coming.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55:41] And listen to the Flophouse if you aren't already.

[1:55:43] Come on.

Stuart Wellington

[1:55:46] But Bonnie and Maude first.

[1:55:47] No, not Jordan's game.

[1:55:51] Don't listen to it right now.

[1:55:52] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56:02] What did you say?

[1:56:12] Oh.

The Flop House Post Election Mood Enhancer - Bratz Commentary

Transcript

In this episode

Description