The Flop House Post Election Mood Enhancer - Bratz Commentary

[0:00] We're gonna sit down now.

[0:01] Oh god, I can't find my seat.

[0:03] Here, just let me put my hand on your butt and I'll guide it to the seat.

[0:07] Okay, check, check.

[0:10] So this is a story of a career battle, right?

[0:13] Only Bratz and Barbie?

[0:14] Okay, now this is the famous Comic Sans credit font.

[0:23] There is a terrorist in one of these houses.

[0:26] That's an asterisk, right?

[0:29] Even their clocks have Brattitude.

[0:31] Even their eye thingies have Brattitude.

[0:34] So this is basically the beginning of Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.

[0:41] Yeah, now all of these characters were pretending to sleep.

[0:44] There's no way that...

[0:49] I don't, nobody has ever woken up like this in the history of the world.

[0:52] You got that much Brattitude, you're excited to start the...

[0:55] Now you know she's Hispanic because she said chicas.

[0:57] Yeah, that's a verbal cue.

[1:00] Yeah, there's nothing about her looks that might suggest that she's Hispanic.

[1:04] But this movie will tell you that she is.

[1:07] That's a closet?

[1:09] Now we could have a drinking game where you drink whenever you see clothes,

[1:13] but you would be dead already.

[1:26] Girls.

[1:39] We're struck dumb.

[1:52] Now when she mentioned Killer Plunge before,

[1:55] how many of you assumed she meant someone fell off a mountain and died?

[2:05] And yes, you can believe your eyes, Kadeem Hardison is in this film.

[2:09] This movie has more split screens than a De Palma film.

[2:13] Did she just lock herself in her evidence dungeon?

[2:16] That's her panic closet.

[2:18] It's her panic wardrobe.

[2:20] My favorite character.

[2:23] Now this character is the Loki of the film.

[2:25] He's the trickster figure.

[2:27] The coyote, if you will.

[2:34] He also has hair like Wolverine.

[2:36] Yeah, he's young Wolverine.

[2:37] He's young gay Wolverine.

[2:39] He's possessed by the spirit of David Faustino.

[2:43] This hair got so much flatter.

[2:46] The most Jewish Latina woman ever.

[2:51] They also have a mariachi band, so I guess their kitchen is a subway car?

[2:59] And they're eating bagels?

[3:03] It's drugs.

[3:05] Like, why else would it be in a shopping bag?

[3:08] Elliot, is that actually Spanish for chocolate?

[3:11] I'm not sure.

[3:13] Don't put it in there!

[3:15] It's going to be all good now.

[3:20] Can't even get the toaster over.

[3:22] It's because he's not wearing his glasses.

[3:24] TV's Dwayne Wayne, everyone.

[3:26] And he's not wearing his glasses.

[3:28] He's not wearing his glasses.

[3:37] It's Dwayne Wayne, everyone.

[3:39] And he's not cool anymore, that's for sure.

[3:43] Well, you'd use the toaster oven, I guess.

[3:46] Can people hear the actual movie?

[3:48] I'm worried that it's a little low.

[3:58] Evy Arad, who produced all of the Marvel films.

[4:01] Avi Arad.

[4:03] Avi?

[4:07] I'm the kid!

[4:09] You're supposed to be the adult.

[4:11] Even though I dress like an older slut.

[4:19] She teaches them so much.

[4:23] Guys, brats have problems too.

[4:29] They got a lot of terror problems at the high school.

[4:37] Bye, mom. Bye, dad.

[4:43] So, are you offended yet?

[4:45] Because you will be.

[4:52] Talk about a tiger brat's mom.

[4:54] School! I gotta go!

[5:10] Life as a brat is so hard.

[5:17] This is so accurate, that's the thing.

[5:19] This is exactly what I remember high school was like.

[5:21] A million people doing everything in the world.

[5:23] All at once.

[5:25] Yeah, this is like...

[5:29] This is like a Where's Waldo book.

[5:32] They also go to school in a high security prison.

[5:34] I think we forgot to mention that.

[5:36] Carrie Nation, huh?

[5:38] That's right.

[5:40] Famed temperance advocate, Carrie Nation.

[5:42] Oh, boy.

[5:44] Oh, klutzy brat.

[5:46] Oh, man.

[5:48] Now she's gonna have to sing Tequila.

[5:50] Hi, guys.

[5:52] Okay, it's a big school.

[5:54] It's the first day.

[5:56] We're just freshmen.

[5:58] What are we gonna do?

[6:00] Who are you talking to?

[6:02] Do they have a pet turtle?

[6:06] BFF!

[6:08] Ominous.

[6:10] Can you be an F for F?

[6:12] We'll find out.

[6:16] She's going to the bathroom, I guess.

[6:18] I'm gonna try out soccer.

[6:20] Yes!

[6:22] You have to join chorus.

[6:24] You know you have the most insane voice ever.

[6:26] She changes clothes like a muppet.

[6:28] Throw up?

[6:30] 30 kids screaming?

[6:32] Yeah.

[6:34] I'm owning the science.

[6:36] Okay.

[6:38] Work for the I.Q., girl.

[6:40] But please don't lose your passion for fashion.

[6:42] Just to keep mom and dad off my back.

[6:44] Oh, man.

[6:47] How many pieces of clothes is she wearing?

[6:53] Oh, man.

[6:57] Elliot Stewart, I'm confused.

[6:59] Am I supposed to be turned on?

[7:01] I assume maybe.

[7:05] Wasn't she wearing a schoolgirl outfit before?

[7:09] It's actually a less sexy outfit.

[7:13] And she dyed her hair somehow.

[7:15] Those are extensions, Elliot.

[7:19] I want that statue to come to life so badly.

[7:21] There she is.

[7:23] Fame-temperous activist Carrie Nation.

[7:27] Oh, I love that dog character.

[7:41] This is obviously the hero of the movie, right?

[7:43] Well, what we're about to see here is a metaphor

[7:45] for arbitrary authority oppressing true freedom.

[8:01] We all remember them, right?

[8:09] That's a yoga kid, right?

[8:11] Yes.

[8:19] Brett, that is not a tasteful joke in these times.

[8:29] There's another mime waiting to do.

[8:35] Guys, why is she teaching the prom date from Carrie?

[8:41] Oh, I thought he just transferred from the Blue Lagoon school.

[8:47] Okay, now that's...

[8:49] Why would they have a bust of the current principal?

[8:57] He never really recovered from being coughed up by that snake, did he?

[8:59] You get that from Amazon, or...?

[9:07] So, Dan, you had some questions about his mustache?

[9:09] I don't understand a man who shaves his mustache

[9:11] so that there's a thin strip of skin

[9:13] above his lip.

[9:15] What is the purpose of that?

[9:17] I guess it...

[9:19] I don't know.

[9:28] What is the purpose of that?

[9:30] I guess it's cleaner when he eats soup.

[9:34] It's easier for kissing, Dan.

[9:38] For all those people who want to kiss Jon Voight on the mouth, yeah.

[9:46] Now, you may realize the Brats have not been in their movie

[9:48] for like an hour now.

[9:52] What does that music mean? Uh-oh.

[9:54] Here they come.

[9:56] Bringing with them the snake.

[10:00] pounds of the techno middle east

[10:10] i mean this for them i don't know who you're uh...

[10:15] uh...

[10:16] vertigo shots

[10:26] it's a

[10:27] i mean i find them intriguing in a certain

[10:29] i don't understand what i feel that

[10:34] so we've set up the basic plot

[10:36] brats versus big brother

[10:38] in a way brats are the last freedom fighters

[10:47] yeah we all remember them too from school remember these guys

[10:54] uh...

[10:56] some kind of nightmare

[11:01] class we can't wait all we love it

[11:10] the first day of class right

[11:12] yeah but they're already hip deep in their assignments

[11:18] i don't think you can do it that way

[11:21] i really think you should know that you should

[11:23] she's a kind of scientist who mixes by taking you should probably measure those

[11:28] i'm a little worried right now that the general energy level i think it's all

[11:31] cocaine anyway i got out

[11:34] she's created something that's not science

[11:41] that is not the bernoulli effect

[11:43] the bernoulli effect is why planes can fly that's

[11:46] yeah planes can fly because of tiny magic fireworks

[11:50] okay we're done with science forget about bernoulli throw it away

[11:57] now i guess she's the princess of the cheerleaders and that's why she has a tiara

[12:14] are they going to make out?

[12:16] you can cut the sexual tension with a knife

[12:20] she brought her own tape?

[12:23] of course she did

[12:24] whatever button she presses her skirt doesn't cover her undies

[12:33] this is really sloppy from a cheer perspective that's all i want to say

[12:50] so how many stunt cheerers do you think they had?

[12:55] eye contact eye contact again i think they might be making out later i don't know

[13:04] okay now it's sports

[13:06] another area the brats will dominate in

[13:13] when did this turn into Shaolin soccer again?

[13:16] i feel like it's sort of unfair like the brats are like mutants in x-men like

[13:20] they're gonna and their mutant power is that they're awesome at everything

[13:24] also they hurt people

[13:27] soccer's a team sport right?

[13:30] not the way the brats do it

[13:35] just get out of her way

[13:39] if you value your life get out of her way where is the ref how has she not gotten a

[13:42] card by now?

[13:49] she's brats-ing it like Beckham

[13:55] classic brats

[14:04] good save

[14:06] i just mean like soccer wise she's hot i mean come on

[14:13] like she just realized she scored

[14:18] so this is a class i guess

[14:21] okay i feel like this is unfair the asian brat is good at science and fashion

[14:25] well yeah cause uh...

[14:27] you know if there's a sweatshop background in her immigrant story

[14:30] she has a name dan it's jade

[14:33] she has a non-offensive name dan it's jade

[14:40] isn't this an entire subplot in clueless? well it's one scene in brats

[14:50] thanks brats thanks dinosaur kid

[14:54] hope you guys enjoyed that teacher cause you're never gonna see her again

[15:00] oh man they need a little attitude dan i like that there's an evacuation route from the music room

[15:11] she briefly entered bullet time

[15:22] what

[15:25] oh snap

[15:33] oh

[15:36] looks like someone got a brattitude adjustment

[15:40] brats are not perfect they cannot tell that someone who speaks normally is deaf

[15:48] wow

[15:55] uh oh

[15:57] so that's the falcon table

[16:09] oh her face

[16:17] uh...

[16:20] guys check out those balanced meals

[16:31] they're smiling with their mouths but they're frowning with their eyes

[16:41] so things seem to be looking pretty up for the brats huh

[16:45] that was almost a joke

[16:52] right dan? yeah sure it had the form of a joke

[17:01] so is it fair to say that meredith rules through terror

[17:09] i gotta rap about it later

[17:18] one by one we'll pick off the brats

[17:21] who will rid me of these turbulent brats

[17:25] we'll strike them where they're weakest their desire for friendship

[17:33] and she's the loser of that

[17:36] the intolerant brett does not have friends

[17:40] ha ha ha

[17:58] oh man

[17:59] stewart is this a cell phone commercial

[18:04] just that usually this is what happens to people when they get married or have

[18:07] children but for the brats it's just a matter of school

[18:14] look at the desperation in their eyes

[18:16] well this is true cinema because they're telling the story purely through visuals

[18:21] i mean until now when the dialogue comes up again

[18:29] we were going to do cheerleader stuff in the foyer

[18:38] sure have you

[18:39] cats in the cradle in the silver school

[18:49] bite your lip and two years later

[18:53] what hellish dystopia meet greets us

[18:56] two years after the brats are getting

[19:03] apparently

[19:05] two out of the three brats

[19:07] have cycles of some kind one has a vespa

[19:10] one has a motorcycle

[19:16] oh that's cool cat's car

[19:22] it looks so much older

[19:34] there's just something so strange about seeing constant policemen walking around

[19:40] the brats don't even have time to say hello to each other

[19:43] hey there's a talent show coming up guys

[19:45] that probably won't figure in stewart you should probably forget that

[19:51] thanks for fixing that jade

[19:55] uh...

[19:58] now he's okay

[20:00] well he's really not that interested in women I gotta

[20:03] yeah still no friends

[20:07] two years later has not made any other friends

[20:11] two years of loneliness now

[20:14] Dan is that is it necessary for them to be two years later

[20:17] I don't think so, I think that a month

[20:20] or two time gap would be enough to tell this story

[20:24] uh oh

[20:28] whoa whoa put that on the internet

[20:35] does he not like being kissed what was

[20:39] well welcome back to another uh wonderful year at

[20:42] Cary Nation High School and now without further ado I'm going to

[20:45] introduce to you your very popular president of the student body

[20:49] my little pollywog my daughter uh Meredith Baxter-Dimley

[20:55] so Elliot that that also is almost a joke it's like three quarters of the way

[20:59] to being a joke yeah well because kids love Meredith Baxter

[21:03] Burney jokes

[21:10] no friends

[21:16] and the fact that besides the coveted golden hatchets

[21:19] our wonderful art committee is providing a spectacular grand prize this semester

[21:23] a college scholarship the school of your choice

[21:29] so that's a prize with a cash value of anywhere from nothing

[21:32] to a hundred and fifty thousand dollars

[21:39] so sad in the arms of an angel oh no they're all dogs that are you're not

[21:45] allowed to spit in the bathroom what the fuck

[21:50] if there was one place you should be able to spit

[21:54] and is that Cary Nation going to the bathroom yeah but she still has her

[21:57] hatchet in her hand

[22:08] oh they're almost they're almost gonna oh no no that's

[22:13] oh lip gloss can only go so far yeah so is Cary Nation on those signs just

[22:17] throwing her poop into the toilet so it's a bank shot elliot don't you do

[22:22] that no it's not what anyone does it's worth

[22:24] extra points

[22:31] i'll never see you again they will all pay

[22:37] oh don't cry brat who what was her thing again i don't know

[22:41] is she latina brat she's look meanwhile at the white house

[22:48] oh yeah brat's tng the next generation

[22:55] this is the bitchiest little girl

[23:03] did you make your appointment with extrinsic makeup

[23:07] slow motion please so again i'm not sure am i supposed to be turned on

[23:11] elliot i don't not until she takes the curler out of

[23:14] the dog's hair all right there you go

[23:21] the word icon gets thrown around too much

[23:25] fetching a dog fetches

[23:30] these are the jokes people she's talking directly to us at that

[23:35] moment so that little girl is dead now

[23:41] wait a minute he's pretty good for a deaf guy

[23:46] so

[23:51] the one black guy in the universe of this movie oh and kadim hardison i guess

[23:56] how can he play piano with these club hands

[24:04] i didn't hear you say it again

[24:08] okay

[24:12] so what would a male brat be called like a brote

[24:19] miss music i feel you but you don't have to

[24:22] what are you talking about i can't hear

[24:28] just yep so they stole this from mr holland's opus basically right

[24:33] so this is this is the same thing as listening to music exact same feeling

[24:36] the vibrations is 100 the same

[24:42] come here

[24:45] because you don't need to hear to be a dj

[24:57] it's like all these beats are just going straight through my hands into my body

[25:03] that's a normal choir room right

[25:09] that's that sounds terrible again are they going to make out what is

[25:15] but you're okay now

[25:17] you want to learn a few tricks

[25:19] yeah

[25:22] now when you're deaf you have ears in your neck

[25:27] i can feel it on my neck

[25:32] yes it looks like the bust is horrified at what just happened

[25:37] just because i'm going to win

[25:39] doesn't mean that i don't owe all of my fans

[25:41] a really cool shower

[25:43] that's true

[25:45] and chugging

[25:47] what do you think

[25:49] chugging

[25:51] but it's so not talent show ready

[25:53] what is this 16th century venice

[25:55] come on

[25:59] oh no you need to alter the timeline

[26:02] oh

[26:12] do my bidding

[26:14] agent of chaos

[26:28] they should have called this movie sabotage dog

[26:32] so stewart she's like bran and game of thrones right that's what's happening here

[26:36] she's a wildling

[26:46] she doesn't know what she just unleashed

[26:58] see this song is an homage to 2001 a space odyssey

[27:01] which this scene resembles

[27:03] no a million pounds of spaghetti

[27:09] how is she going to eat that

[27:11] how is she going to eat all that

[27:13] no jade

[27:17] done in by gravity

[27:19] your beloved science

[27:21] oh my gosh i'm so sorry

[27:23] no

[27:25] you did it

[27:27] jade you totally did that

[27:30] now that's not her fault

[27:32] oh no

[27:36] and again she only hurts herself

[27:38] she has no friends to hurt

[27:44] i think it looks better that way

[27:54] so much spaghetti

[28:00] say you are

[28:02] so i heard preston sturgis

[28:04] did an uncredited rewrite on this

[28:16] what

[28:18] that spaghetti hit her with the force of a punch

[28:24] this is my happening and it freaks me out

[28:30] no my beloved food

[28:36] why

[28:38] what's to be gained by just throwing

[28:40] if you're not

[28:50] i like how that guy got into it

[28:52] so they're really still throwing that food around huh

[28:56] where did the pies come from

[28:59] and they're just cream

[29:01] there's no pie there

[29:03] no

[29:05] uh oh

[29:07] the bus that was never properly affixed to the pedestal

[29:17] i think they can still get it

[29:19] jump under it

[29:23] okay so it's made of

[29:25] it's apparently made of hollow ceramic

[29:28] i think there was a chocolate bust

[29:36] i tried to stop the brats daddy

[29:38] what if it's like a dorian gray thing

[29:40] and when the bust is destroyed john voight is destroyed

[29:42] that clearly didn't happen

[29:54] why why is that happening

[29:57] i tripped

[30:00] This is just like the usual suspects.

[30:22] That's a bad cheer.

[30:30] Oh, too harsh. That got too real, Sasha, too real.

[30:40] Why didn't they let them clean up before detention?

[30:45] You will wear that pasta sauce as a badge of dishonor.

[30:49] It is a mark, so all shall know your crime.

[30:57] Don't forget that, Sasha.

[30:59] Chloe, I'm sorry.

[31:03] I can't believe it was that.

[31:07] What happened to us?

[31:11] Seriously.

[31:13] Like when you canceled your speech yourself,

[31:15] Chloe's studying for finals.

[31:17] That's what friends do.

[31:19] And what about you, Yaz?

[31:20] Remember, you completely crushed those girls

[31:23] What?

[31:24] Yeah, yeah, she's saying, only you.

[31:27] Only you, Carl Yastremsky.

[31:32] Notice that Yasmin is still far away from the other three.

[31:37] There will always be a distance between Yasmin and others.

[31:42] That's just how high school works.

[31:44] Sasha, you're a cheerleader, Chloe's a jock, and Jake,

[31:47] you spend your time between the science and home eccy.

[31:50] Oh, I get it now.

[31:52] Glad she explained that.

[31:54] Yeah, but I would never know that because I'm not in your clique.

[31:58] Oh, that's what we'll do.

[32:02] I guess we're never friends again.

[32:05] Chips, it's not our own fault.

[32:08] We can be friends with each other and to our own things, right?

[32:11] Okay?

[32:13] It's kind of crazy, but it just might work.

[32:19] I miss my girls.

[32:21] Me too.

[32:23] I didn't realize how much until now.

[32:25] Because I don't really like you that much.

[32:30] And movie's done.

[32:32] Okay, so thanks for coming out.

[32:34] They did it.

[32:35] They're friends again.

[32:36] They repaired the damage of those two years.

[32:38] Two years in the wilderness ended in one detention,

[32:40] and Meredith's plan to destroy the Brats has only made them stronger.

[32:44] It's so horrible, Cameron, because if you hadn't walked over

[32:46] and talked to that sucker, Joke, I wouldn't have had to take action.

[32:49] And then Daddy's bust would not have been broken.

[32:51] Why the clocks in the back?

[32:53] Do they need to know what time it is in Buenos Aires in the Brats world?

[32:57] Well, if all else fails, things like this.

[33:03] The doomsday device.

[33:07] Once it's been unsheathed, it can't be sheathed again without drawing blood.

[33:13] Let's go.

[33:15] I can't stand to look at this.

[33:17] Why didn't she get that supporting actress Oscar?

[33:20] All those times are the same, by the way.

[33:26] So is this like a blooper?

[33:27] Is the movie over?

[33:29] I guess Latinas just hang out singing La Cucaracha.

[33:34] That's what they do.

[33:36] What happens?

[33:37] Hey, look, it's a documentary.

[33:42] It was already open.

[33:44] You know that new sound you've been looking for?

[33:47] Well, listen to this.

[33:52] Oh, we do have fun.

[33:54] Mom or Grandma?

[33:55] What is it?

[34:01] The movie has to constantly remind us that she's Latina

[34:04] because she's the least Latina-looking Latina ever.

[34:08] She looks like Slimer with that face makeup.

[34:17] Good story.

[34:21] So that's Robin Williams under that makeup?

[34:23] Yeah.

[34:33] She's like a shoe smuggler?

[34:39] Wait, what?

[34:40] Again?

[34:41] Why did she say Bubby?

[34:42] The most Jewish.

[34:47] I got them for your quinceanera bat mitzvah.

[34:57] That means two chocolates.

[34:59] Thank you.

[35:01] They both go right in the bra.

[35:04] Two DVDs of the movie Chocolat.

[35:07] Anytown, USA, folks.

[35:10] I've actually been there, and it's even less exciting than it looks.

[35:17] They think I'm a boy.

[35:19] You're boring.

[35:38] You're like the Dan McCoy of this group.

[35:41] Boom, boom.

[35:44] You got him, dude.

[35:45] He's got you, Dan.

[35:46] You got to own up to it.

[35:48] I've been burned.

[35:51] 150 hit points.

[35:57] He looks so deaf.

[36:06] What with the deafness and all.

[36:17] He never looks me in the eye.

[36:19] He's never asked me out.

[36:20] And he can never even remember my name.

[36:22] And he doesn't respond to me when I talk to him.

[36:24] I don't understand what's happening.

[36:26] Sometimes I'll just stand behind him yelling his name out,

[36:28] and he just doesn't do anything.

[36:30] He can't even break us up ever again.

[36:31] He's deaf.

[36:32] He is deaf.

[36:34] Okay, a binding document.

[36:39] In teen court, that's as good as a written contract.

[36:49] What was that?

[36:50] Is that a commercial?

[36:52] That's the hippest teen movie.

[36:53] My Space is in it.

[37:01] Oh, man.

[37:04] The movie's about these guys, right?

[37:14] That's Magic Mike as a kid.

[37:25] Wait, it's almost like she's stacking the deck with bad acts.

[37:33] Now, were they supposed to be good or bad?

[37:35] I think they were supposed to be good.

[37:41] See, that's kind of a strong joke.

[37:44] Someone who wrote this movie had a chance to write good jokes,

[37:49] and they were derailed along the line.

[37:53] The bust is like if John Voight was a character in a Klasky Chupo cartoon.

[37:57] Anybody?

[37:58] Anybody?

[38:00] Familiar with the work of the animation house Klasky Chupo?

[38:03] Rugrats, Duckman, anyway.

[38:10] Stop talking about being friends already.

[38:12] All they have in common is that they're friends.

[38:14] They have to hit it a lot.

[38:22] Uh-oh.

[38:25] No, that's okay.

[38:26] I'm just going to hang out with my pets.

[38:27] I don't do that anymore.

[38:34] I got too much bread.

[38:39] I'm kind of busy sitting over here.

[38:47] Notice no one cares about the other bread.

[38:55] How hard would it have been for them to just give her a group?

[39:03] Even security is not happy about this.

[39:23] We split up again.

[39:27] Make everyone like us.

[39:28] Make everyone a Bratz.

[39:34] Okay, now it's finished.

[39:36] Now you're a beautiful swan.

[39:48] Why would they do that in public?

[40:00] I don't I don't totally why would that be a good thing

[40:05] they've been at the school for three years what is the oh this is their third

[40:16] year I guess oh I know what it means so that's the jock he is really dumb

[40:29] Oh Tom Hanks jr.

[40:48] he's blocking every punch

[40:59] shall I kill him for you sensei okay now okay if anyone can figure out this

[41:12] equation there's no it's not an equation there's no equal sign it's impossible

[41:18] you have to have an equal sign to make an equation right now there's no any

[41:22] numbers yeah football okay you didn't give them the information they needed to

[41:35] find this out before oh you're you're just plugging in numbers for those

[41:39] variables but that's not how equations work

[41:53] yeah they all got C's we all got C's was because we copied off you Jade now how

[42:00] hard would it have been for the movie to actually come up with an equation look

[42:06] kids don't care and also very she's amazing at soccer why what is what can he

[42:14] teach her

[42:30] now this is balls it sounded like they dumped in like an egg cracking sound but

[42:37] off if they're proving how good she is it why did you kick it directly into the

[42:41] goal that's what you do right oh yeah the little girl again I I feel a little

[42:49] uncomfortable Elliot now you notice the transitions between scenes don't exist a

[43:01] scene just ends then another one starts

[43:23] like an Edward Albee play

[43:31] oh so the principal makes a lot of money I think he's like the assistant

[44:09] of what MTV questions answered I mean the thing is Meredith Master Jim Lee did

[44:33] make the trains run on time Elliot you gotta admit that yes but at what cost

[44:36] Santa what cost an unlikely romance what are their ages yeah he's like four

[44:57] years older than her how it's true he does he does have it is literally not

[45:16] credible this kid is crazy that was a leather jacket destroy that jacket so

[45:43] what's that kid's character diamond like he loves his hair loves ladies has

[45:49] a phone doesn't care if his jacket gets ruined is he gonna give her some drugs

[46:04] oh this is good screenwriting cuz we saw it happen earlier and now the payoff

[46:11] what good picture quality I don't think I could I don't think there's a USB port

[46:28] on this I mean I could probably take it home to my computer and then that why

[46:38] tail is too long so do they have to be touching at all times is that where

[46:55] their power comes from I wish the Brats didn't spend so much time propping up

[47:05] the capitalist economy hmm I feel like the proletariat will never achieve

[47:10] achieve true gratitude yeah until we they have control of the means of

[47:14] production two years very thin chocolate bars everybody was terrible

[47:42] actually yeah divorce money time to shop run into those rooms with the

[47:53] clothes then come out with other clothes on point at each other and look in the

[47:57] mirror then back who are they looking at I don't know take a tour of the mall

[48:04] point at some stuff then get out and oh yeah those are great time for makeup as

[48:14] well I want to know what they're talking about next generation of brats

[48:22] indoctrination you beautiful amazing let's sex I think I'm in love

[48:30] toddlers and don't forget the shoes and the hats every aspect belts oh no there

[48:46] might be more than one of those many casualties in a Bratz shopping spree

[48:54] she's older than you don't have any pity those are the outfits they bought

[49:03] Z like a genie or something what's going on he's like some kind of Rasta genie I

[49:08] don't understand

[49:10] oh wait so the balloons just tell everyone what group they already know

[49:24] they're in apparently he has this thing is journalism guys well remember we saw

[49:32] that story she did about corruption in the dock unions unlike now

[50:00] Yeah, guys. Yes has the least to lose in the situation. She has nothing to lose. Yeah, I

[50:11] Think they're gonna lose Sasha

[50:21] What a drama brat more shopping, yep

[50:24] Even even people wear makeups a little Esquivelle everyone

[50:30] Take me back to the swing of man these with that lounge sound

[50:37] So we've seen her wait the dogs gonna hair do stuff a lot in this perfect same same place, yeah

[50:48] Yep, we've heard the pattern now

[50:51] So these door-to-door dress salesman

[50:56] Also, she dressed up as Daphne from Scooby-Doo, I don't

[50:59] That's the worst one

[51:29] It's rare that a villain gets that much screen time in a movie I

[51:34] Kind of like her more than the Bradstow

[51:37] Well, she's the only one who's really living out her dreams. She's self-actualized. That's what I think I like about her

[51:51] Yeah, she should stick to journalism I

[51:54] I heard you across the room. I mean, uh, the deaf guy really loves her singing

[52:02] He has tiny ears on his fingers

[52:10] Is this an all saxophone fan look at it

[52:17] We all know the carry nation brass all-stars

[52:23] I

[52:28] Can't hear it

[52:32] That doesn't make sense

[52:36] Just put your hands on this thing the young Fred Armisen Chronicles

[52:43] No, no terrible

[52:45] I

[52:56] Hear them with my hands

[53:10] It's genetic

[53:13] Not not really

[53:18] All right, I'll buy it again

[53:24] I'm gonna take you to music jail. Open your third eye Elliot. Is that what just?

[53:30] Happened

[53:38] Got a melon and a pineapple. Oh mom. Oh mom. You're drunk again

[53:53] Get him away from me, but I'm so excited. I'm so excited

[54:00] You guys can finish that line

[54:03] Thank you

[54:11] Or else Freddy you'll get me

[54:14] So she she's a one-woman caterer is learning

[54:19] Bratz don't fail me now. I'm gonna need all of my Bratz power to deal with this problem to me my Bratz

[54:26] Bratz a symbol

[54:30] What what

[54:35] That's like top Bratz so they have no catering experience and they have to make

[54:40] 150 of everything and you're forgetting one thing. What is that? These are the Bratz, okay

[54:50] We'll just do this

[54:55] That'll feed 150 people, right

[55:00] I

[55:04] So much of the cooking is just shaking things on the things

[55:10] That's a tiny waffles, I don't know

[55:17] Don't know what that all right, we've made 12 of everything

[55:23] This is horrible, he used up all my ingredients

[55:25] Oh

[55:29] We didn't have enough flour for everything so we use laundry detergent does that work

[55:36] You Bratz are amazing

[55:41] Is that so she couldn't even commit to holding the doughnut high enough for it to be a halo

[55:48] Yes other caterer I need you to fill up a job for me

[55:56] My website will shut down

[55:59] Throw it all away

[56:03] Don't don't tell me I

[56:09] Never kid

[56:11] Can we put these put these cakes down no and don't refrigerate them either leave them out

[56:25] This is the worst that could happen

[56:31] Why did they paint a frown on her face

[56:36] Well well well my Bratz seems like I have the upper hand now

[56:46] So they're gonna murder the guests

[56:55] If you guys want to back out, I'll totally understand let's back out

[57:06] Which bread is that that's the clown brat, I think that's the one with the fashion abilities

[57:20] Fur FIR a Douglas fir will go as trees

[57:26] What

[57:27] This is how teenagers talk. I said can we not abbreviate everything. It's more confusing

[57:32] We have to explain the Bratz be our ATZ bold radical adolescent teen zombies

[57:42] That's a secret I did not know about the bread that's what Bratz are

[57:45] Oh

[57:54] Just as the nightmare was coming to truth

[57:58] What's gonna happen next what new horrors are in store for the Bratz

[58:03] Flophouse guys, okay, everybody

[58:05] Thanks again for staying and coming back

[58:19] Thanks for coming and going and then coming again, okay, and thanks for keep it above the belt

[58:24] I do not like that above the scorpion belt so draw attention to my belt now

[58:31] You guys had some stuff you want to talk about what's going on? Yeah, we have what I'd like to call some Bratz bits

[58:46] So we are we gonna go first are you gonna go?

[58:49] Don't do that. We

[58:52] Who what's do you want to go first do it you pick who goes first me or Dan?

[58:56] Okay, so we normally do this thing called a podcast

[59:00] Start from the beginning how to podcast start I don't know the radio was invented

[59:07] So Dan you go first. All right, you're in charge. Can you go first? You're driving afterwards with my bits?

[59:14] So

[59:16] Webster's Dictionary describes

[59:20] Describes Brattitude as the state or quality of being Brad's

[59:26] To use it in a sentence Rochelle attended Case Western on a full Brattitude scholarship

[59:32] It derives terrible sentence

[59:35] The context tells you nothing about what it means

[59:39] Derives from the Latin

[59:41] Brattum you may recall the fame scene in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar when the Emperor gazing upon the shards of his for some reason

[59:48] hollow bust gasps at to Bratt a

[59:51] To Bratt a

[59:54] In practice gratitude manifests itself in clothes trying on montages relentless

[1:00:00] soundtracks and an insouciant disregard for what other people think like the

[1:00:05] fabled honey badger brats don't give a fuck internet I like I don't get any

[1:00:13] references from after 1947 so I don't understand that I'd like to take the

[1:00:17] opportunity tonight if Stuart and Ellie don't mind to test their gratitude

[1:00:21] quotient oh boy our BQ by administering a little quiz I've titled here test your

[1:00:27] gratitude quotient oh that's so really with really witty title yeah you worked

[1:00:32] on that one huh I originally wrote it for the magazine Bratz mapolitan but it

[1:00:37] never ran do the magazine folding between the time it was conceived and

[1:00:40] the next second but this seems like the perfect opportunity to dust it off so

[1:00:45] scenario one you and your ethnically diverse group of friends find that your

[1:00:50] separate interests are pulling you apart do you a decide that exploring new

[1:00:56] things is the keys of being a well-rounded person and commit

[1:00:59] yourself to taking the interest in your friends pursuits even if they don't

[1:01:02] mirror your own be reflect that as we grow older it's natural that friendships

[1:01:09] forged when we were young would cease to be as fulfilling it's okay to feel

[1:01:12] wistful about growing apart but it's time to move on or see you blame the

[1:01:19] rich blonde bitch at your school and systematically ruin her life what do you

[1:01:24] think it's usually C in these types of quizzes yeah yeah I like C I forgot the

[1:01:29] first two we're gonna say see I also did I'm sorry the correct answer is that you

[1:01:34] flash forward two years then get back together for no particular reason you

[1:01:39] cannot give us a joy wait there's a correct scenario to scenario to where do

[1:01:47] I let lodge complaints with this quiz how would you describe your personal

[1:01:52] style would you describe your personal style as a kicky be totes adorbs see a

[1:02:01] color tastic funsplosion or D business casual with an emphasis on classic

[1:02:07] tailoring well you're you're always totes adorbs oh thanks and you do you

[1:02:13] do thanks yeah you do have a funsplosion of whatever it was but I think I think

[1:02:18] totes adorbs yeah okay yeah we're both totes adorbs can we be the same or is

[1:02:23] that the correct answer is the correct answer is teen prostitute I'm sorry okay

[1:02:29] so I guess we're losing our BQ right now is extremely low I guess I have to do

[1:02:36] really well and then we're gonna have to go to summer Bratz this the final

[1:02:40] scenario okay but this one's worth like a hundred final scenario terrorist

[1:02:44] mastermind Bane has taken over the city and plans to blow it up with a nuclear

[1:02:50] bomb he's gonna bro it up he plans to wear sleeves Elliot he plans to blow it

[1:02:56] up with a nuclear bomb after just sort of hanging out for three months for some

[1:02:59] reason okay what do you know wait sorry I'm sorry this is from my test your bat

[1:03:04] attitude quotient quiz well Bratz it seems we have come to the end of two

[1:03:10] years with no survivors that's his best line in the whole movie so it's a

[1:03:19] surprisingly short quiz that's not a quiz yeah toting up the points I find

[1:03:25] out that your gratitude quotient is zero but there's some good news guys Stuart

[1:03:29] yeah it turns out your bat attitude scores through the roof he didn't even

[1:03:34] answer with you with very strong showing also in the area of ratitude

[1:03:39] oh and Elliot yeah what do I got it you've got high marks for your

[1:03:44] cravatitude which means you look good in a necktie so congratulations

[1:03:48] congratulations to both of you appreciate it congratulations I'm going

[1:03:52] to I'm going to resist doing everything in Bane's voice now it's tough though

[1:03:57] right I'm throwing my super sweet 16 Batman with survivors yeah no survive

[1:04:06] we're going to have a party sir the party rises the secret to doing Bane's

[1:04:12] voice is you think yourself what would Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof sound

[1:04:15] like if he was a terrorist well I also have a Bratz bits mine is a little

[1:04:23] different I have as any flop house listener knows I am a fountain of movie

[1:04:28] pitch ideas and if only Hollywood would buy any of them from me for the price of

[1:04:33] $700,000 yeah they would need to negotiate that price a little yeah

[1:04:38] negotiate a little flexible enough to no change I'm willing to accept it in any

[1:04:43] form money chicken Bratz yeah $700,000 worth of Bratz so I have an idea that I

[1:04:51] think the producers of Bratz would be foolish not to take when you see the

[1:04:58] word Bratz what do you think obviously you think of four plucky teenage girls

[1:05:02] taking on the world with nothing more than gratitude and a suspiciously token

[1:05:06] amount of ethnic diversity but for many Americans that word sounds a little

[1:05:11] different it sounds like Bratz the regional nickname for bratwurst the

[1:05:15] German style tube meat beloved across Minnesota Wisconsin and other states

[1:05:20] that Hollywood apparently considers nothing more than flyover country for

[1:05:24] those proud Americans Bratz the movie made a promise it just couldn't keep to

[1:05:28] finally tell the story of the humble brat in all its delicious glory the

[1:05:33] makers of Bratz the movie knew they were toying with the emotions of our nation's

[1:05:36] meat lovers why else would they emulate the classic movie food mix-up hot dog

[1:05:40] the movie by adding the movie at the end to make sure no mistaken Midwesterners

[1:05:46] wandered into their local movie palace for some hot steaming Bratz it's time to

[1:05:51] fulfill the mispronounced promise of Bratz the movie by making Bratz the

[1:05:56] movie Bratz the movie is the story of four plucky sausages trying to make it

[1:06:01] big trying to make it big in a world that literally wants to eat them for

[1:06:05] lunch let's start with the obvious here the opportunities for merchandising are

[1:06:09] enormous brought restaurants brought home cooked meals frozen Bratz brought

[1:06:14] dolls brought makeup so little girls can look more like bratwurst video games

[1:06:18] about cooking Bratz CD soundtrack albums were today's hottest stars I'm thinking

[1:06:22] Bieber at Rihanna etc sing original songs about their love of eating Bratz

[1:06:26] but let's not get ahead of ourselves the thing that sticks with us most about

[1:06:30] Bratz is the uniquely individual characters whose names and personalities

[1:06:35] I'm sure you all remember even now so first things first it's time for us to

[1:06:39] meet the Bratz there's Veronica the artistic preppy brat sure she the

[1:06:47] aristocratic notice is artistic sorry aristocratic preppy brat sure she comes

[1:06:51] from a wealthy background as shown by her 100% organic grass-fed veal filling

[1:06:55] but that doesn't mean she's too snooty to mix it up on the streets whether

[1:06:59] being served on a hot dog cart or a luxury luxury stadium skybox this is one

[1:07:03] brat with style to spare next up Chiquita the hot-blooded spicy pork

[1:07:08] brat this fiery Latina chorizo is not afraid to stand up for herself and her

[1:07:13] friends grilled on a barrio rooftop she dreams of a better life for herself she

[1:07:20] dreams of a better life for herself and her abuela a slightly larger pork brat

[1:07:25] but her fast-talking no-nonsense honesty sometimes makes her a little too

[1:07:30] moe picante and just might and just might land her and her friends in some

[1:07:34] very hot mustard indeed coming up next on the floor Sunflower the hippie vegan

[1:07:40] tofu brat peace man just because you think it's wrong to take the life of an

[1:07:44] animal doesn't mean there's a brat for you there's no brat for you raised on a

[1:07:47] commune and cooked at a co-op farmers market Sunflower's all plant filling

[1:07:51] makes her laid-back and carbon-neutral but when the Bratz City Community Center

[1:07:55] and Arboretum is threatened by an evil land developer this meat-free meal knows

[1:08:00] it's time to stop making love and start waging war and finally who's coming up

[1:08:05] there on at the end Rachel the nerdy kosher brat the new brat in town this

[1:08:11] Jewish deli sausage doesn't yet have the swagger of the other brats but with

[1:08:14] brains to spare and an all beef and chicken casing heart of gold she's about

[1:08:18] to become a valuable addition to the Bratz what's Hebrew for broaditude trick

[1:08:22] question it's also brought it to together these four brat worse are the

[1:08:30] brat best at having fun at having fun yes yes yes yes the joke that made

[1:08:45] Stewart quit I'm gonna say it again together these four brat worse are the

[1:08:51] brat best at having fun shopping and fighting the ultimate oppression that

[1:08:56] is the assumption of arbitrary authority by wealthy elites without the consent of

[1:09:00] the governed get ready to fall in love with the Bratz in Bratz the movie thank

[1:09:06] you and again the right the right the rights to that story can be yours for

[1:09:14] the price of $700,000 so you okay I'm both hungry and sick at the same time

[1:09:21] Elliot that's the meaning of Bratz that's the meaning of Bratz Stewart so

[1:09:26] good job we did that huh yeah we did we did do that so I think we've left our

[1:09:32] audience hanging I think they're hungry from I don't know why I'm making props

[1:09:36] fun so the movie is Bratz but I've hit it you all want to watch Bratz the movie

[1:09:42] now and not the rest of Bratz well too bad cuz you're gonna watch the rest of

[1:09:45] Bratz we got a whole lot more for you to see in this movie you're not gonna

[1:09:48] believe your eyes your ears your head or your nose and somebody locked the

[1:09:53] door so so you have to stay here because someone in here is a diamond

[1:10:00] One of you is a murderer.

[1:10:04] Yeah, so I guess we'll catch the murderer after the end of Rats, the movie.

[1:10:08] Let's do it, guys.

[1:10:09] Let's do it.

[1:10:11] Rats, the movie.

[1:10:15] Dan, are you going to be able to make your way to the seat?

[1:10:17] It gets so dark.

[1:10:19] Okay, back to the reign of clown terror.

[1:10:23] That's what I call clown couture.

[1:10:26] Not a pun.

[1:10:28] Registered trademark.

[1:10:30] Uh-oh.

[1:10:36] Uh-oh.

[1:10:40] That elephant is so demeaned by this.

[1:10:44] The one guy.

[1:10:47] Again, the world's richest principal.

[1:10:50] It's so good to see you.

[1:10:52] Hi, everyone.

[1:10:53] I know.

[1:10:54] So cool, right?

[1:10:55] Best party ever, already.

[1:10:56] And we're just starting.

[1:10:57] Can they even hear her?

[1:10:59] She's on top of an elephant.

[1:11:04] Those are some non-regulation serving costumes.

[1:11:07] I don't want to be the logic police here, but you cannot make those costumes from what they were wearing earlier.

[1:11:13] And they've totally ditched the clown theme, which I feel like really tied this circus birthday party together.

[1:11:19] Take a puff.

[1:11:23] Whatever those are, we want to eat them.

[1:11:28] Hello.

[1:11:29] Me time now.

[1:11:31] It's me.

[1:11:32] I mean, she's on an elephant.

[1:11:36] Is that not enough for her to be on an elephant?

[1:11:38] Because that's fantastic.

[1:11:46] Okay, now they're not even serving.

[1:11:47] They're just dancing.

[1:11:49] Mariachis?

[1:12:07] There's an actual laugh, Dan.

[1:12:19] Oh, no.

[1:12:25] Remember the bombs she implanted in us.

[1:12:33] I love it.

[1:12:43] Did she not hear what it was about?

[1:12:45] Yeah.

[1:12:47] The guy I feel the worst for is the acrobat who was behind everybody, so they can't even see him.

[1:13:06] This girl has so many monologues.

[1:13:09] He's working for me.

[1:13:10] Me like.

[1:13:11] All right, again.

[1:13:13] Much older than...

[1:13:15] I don't...

[1:13:24] Even the goths like it.

[1:13:26] I like that he has a formal dinosaur.

[1:13:30] Boy jocks.

[1:13:35] It's come to this.

[1:13:39] Did I...

[1:13:46] No.

[1:13:47] No, no, she...

[1:13:48] He's a terrible dad.

[1:13:57] She pre-recorded that.

[1:14:03] Oh, man.

[1:14:05] It's at this part that you start doubting reality.

[1:14:08] Because it allowed this to happen.

[1:14:16] Oh, yeah.

[1:14:17] John Boy gets a dance.

[1:14:28] So she's making the subtext text right now.

[1:14:33] That was pre-Gangnam.

[1:14:34] Pre-Gangnam.

[1:14:39] MTV was like, yeah, we'll send one guy.

[1:14:41] Whatever, that's...

[1:14:54] Why is the goth girl dancing to this?

[1:15:00] Again, pre-Gangnam.

[1:15:02] Pre-Gangnam.

[1:15:04] This is the most entertaining thing I've ever seen.

[1:15:07] This is the most entertaining thing that happens in the movie.

[1:15:10] The villain talking about how great she is.

[1:15:12] In song.

[1:15:13] Singing about how great she is.

[1:15:15] She's not even mic'd.

[1:15:28] Oh, the deaf kid is not impressed.

[1:15:36] I'd like to invite my dear, dear friend, Gonetz.

[1:15:40] Oh, my God!

[1:15:41] I guess we're just gonna let me go first.

[1:15:43] Yazi, darling.

[1:15:44] A little birdie told me that you just loved to sing.

[1:15:49] A talking bird.

[1:15:50] That's right, everybody.

[1:15:53] Exit stage left.

[1:15:58] I gotta fix my hair.

[1:15:59] I gotta go get that little girl.

[1:16:01] Carry her up there.

[1:16:02] She is a sacrifice.

[1:16:04] Little Wolverine's gotta go.

[1:16:15] Thank you, stupid nerd.

[1:16:21] This is not the climax of the movie, by the way.

[1:16:24] They're building it up like it is.

[1:16:26] There's like a hundred hours of movie after this.

[1:16:28] She's gonna do it.

[1:16:29] On my own.

[1:16:35] And did those feet in ancient times walk upon England's mountains?

[1:16:45] Oh, me so home.

[1:16:48] Oh, no, she can't do it.

[1:16:50] Oh, no.

[1:16:51] Yes, ma'am.

[1:16:52] Also, what song was she gonna?

[1:16:54] Those Misfit fans in the back were pretty sad about it.

[1:17:02] I gotta say, that is an amazing camera phone.

[1:17:04] Yeah.

[1:17:05] She put it in a nice Meredith Sweet 16 mortise.

[1:17:08] That's a professional job.

[1:17:10] Come on.

[1:17:19] Oh, no.

[1:17:21] Did Sympathy for the Devil just start playing?

[1:17:28] Oh, no.

[1:17:30] Voice of Byron Batard.

[1:17:33] All right.

[1:17:35] Just at one point, how did the deaf kid know that he should start doing Latin dancing?

[1:17:40] Because obviously she's Hispanic, so Hispanic culture.

[1:17:44] Oh, he's back again.

[1:17:46] So this goes on for a little bit.

[1:17:49] Oh, no, it doesn't.

[1:17:54] Wait, but what did she unplug if she's...

[1:17:56] She unplugged a giant yellow...

[1:18:07] Yeah.

[1:18:09] Oh, no.

[1:18:11] Oh, no.

[1:18:12] Oh, no.

[1:18:14] Yeah.

[1:18:18] Yep.

[1:18:19] I mean, that's genuinely impressive.

[1:18:21] Why is Snoop Dogg there?

[1:18:27] Not really.

[1:18:29] Yeah, I mean, whatever.

[1:18:32] Oh.

[1:18:35] You pushed your luck too far.

[1:18:44] So it's just...

[1:18:45] It's kind of just a commercial for MTV now.

[1:18:52] Oh, what are you, deaf?

[1:18:56] I was just frightened by that horse.

[1:19:03] What?

[1:19:14] God? I don't...

[1:19:16] He got an eyelash there.

[1:19:19] Make a wish.

[1:19:29] To be fair, that is very unprofessional.

[1:19:34] Why is she talking to Willie Ames?

[1:19:36] Hmm.

[1:19:41] That was so unnecessary.

[1:19:45] She could have walked there faster.

[1:19:47] I don't know if an elephant is the fastest mode of transport.

[1:20:00] Cameron? Cameron?

[1:20:02] Get me a drink.

[1:20:06] Get your own drink.

[1:20:08] I don't...

[1:20:10] I don't work for you.

[1:20:18] Oh no, a cake!

[1:20:20] You knew that was gonna happen when you saw the cake.

[1:20:24] Oh god!

[1:20:30] Stop it!

[1:20:32] Stop it!

[1:20:34] It's true, pride does go with before the fall.

[1:20:36] This is my MTV Super Street 16 party!

[1:20:38] Everybody go back to your side tables and...

[1:20:40] Now I remember that we also saw there was a pool, right?

[1:20:42] Oh, there you go.

[1:20:44] Oh, she didn't fall in, good.

[1:20:50] No, it's gonna crush her!

[1:20:52] It's gonna stop.

[1:20:54] It's gonna stop.

[1:21:00] Oh, the sassy elephant!

[1:21:08] Huh?

[1:21:10] Origin moment?

[1:21:12] And dancing!

[1:21:14] In an amazing goody bag!

[1:21:16] But now, the party's over!

[1:21:18] You brought this for everyone!

[1:21:20] You...

[1:21:22] Brats!

[1:21:24] Yes!

[1:21:26] And thus the Brats were born.

[1:21:32] Most of the way into the movie.

[1:21:34] Welcome to the Brats, I hope you survived the experience.

[1:21:38] I dub thee Sir Brats.

[1:21:40] It's a...

[1:21:42] Karate club?

[1:21:48] You can't be Brats.

[1:21:58] Oh...

[1:22:10] We either need to spend more time with us,

[1:22:12] or we need to cut you from the roster.

[1:22:16] Don't do that, guys.

[1:22:18] I'm afraid that's not up to me.

[1:22:30] The only way to get everyone back together is to win the talent show.

[1:22:40] No, it's not.

[1:22:44] That's just what a chicken sounds like.

[1:22:46] She's like everyone on Arrested Development

[1:22:48] when they try to do a chicken sound.

[1:22:52] Has anyone in this family seen a chicken?

[1:23:04] Wait, what? They're just saying numbers.

[1:23:06] I don't understand what...

[1:23:08] And we're gonna need backup singers, too.

[1:23:10] And dancers! Why stop there?

[1:23:12] We should get everyone who merits shot down to perform a piece.

[1:23:14] Perfect! Then you don't need me.

[1:23:16] We'll have everyone in the world in our performance.

[1:23:20] Know anyone who might need that?

[1:23:22] Our klutzy poor friend.

[1:23:24] She's so poor.

[1:23:30] But I still can't do it.

[1:23:32] Why?

[1:23:34] Because we don't have a name.

[1:23:38] What is it, then?

[1:23:44] And you said it with a Z.

[1:23:50] Yes.

[1:23:52] Okay, time to get serious, brats.

[1:23:54] Time to get down to work.

[1:24:00] Why are they rehearsing?

[1:24:02] They're already perfect.

[1:24:08] Okay.

[1:24:12] Ha!

[1:24:24] Oh yeah, she's a video editor.

[1:24:26] Did we not explain that earlier in the movie?

[1:24:28] Well, that's what she is now.

[1:24:32] Ha! Perfect.

[1:24:34] It's never been done before.

[1:24:38] Ha!

[1:24:42] So do they have classes to go to?

[1:24:44] That guy is 35.

[1:24:58] So this is less a montage and more

[1:25:00] the editor saying,

[1:25:02] we've got a lot of extra footage.

[1:25:04] We've got to fit it in the movie somewhere.

[1:25:06] What I'm saying is, this movie has to be at least 90 minutes long.

[1:25:10] Again, a middle-aged man.

[1:25:16] Says no gambling in the dance studio room.

[1:25:20] Ha!

[1:25:26] There's so much stronger than you know.

[1:25:28] Oh, man.

[1:25:32] Hey, remember Kavima Hardison was in this movie?

[1:25:34] I love their painting.

[1:25:46] I had my own character arc, daughter.

[1:25:48] Off camera.

[1:25:50] Now I'm a chess genius

[1:25:52] and I've patched things up with your mother.

[1:25:58] Did you notice the new banisters?

[1:26:00] Ha!

[1:26:02] This is the equivalent of

[1:26:04] doing a cartoon voice

[1:26:06] for Kavima Hardison.

[1:26:08] One day of work, great.

[1:26:10] I'm there. Brats, sure.

[1:26:16] Five, six.

[1:26:20] What?

[1:26:22] Brats.

[1:26:24] Wait a minute.

[1:26:26] Where did she get that ceremonial die show?

[1:26:30] Oh, my gosh.

[1:26:32] They have right here on their phones.

[1:26:36] Chloe.

[1:26:38] I'm pretty sure Chloe wouldn't want

[1:26:40] the entire student body to know.

[1:26:42] Is she going to cut her head off?

[1:26:46] This is like Rising Sun.

[1:26:48] This is about Japanese

[1:26:50] infiltrating high finance jobs.

[1:26:52] And they're going to eat sushi off a naked woman?

[1:26:54] I hate to do it, but

[1:26:56] you can certainly see my predicament.

[1:26:58] How pathetic.

[1:27:00] I can't believe you.

[1:27:02] You spend half your time

[1:27:04] documenting dirt on everyone else.

[1:27:06] You really need to get away.

[1:27:08] Oh, I have one.

[1:27:10] And it is fabulous.

[1:27:12] I hate it.

[1:27:14] Just don't be in the movie anymore.

[1:27:20] I love the sound they put in there.

[1:27:22] Five, six, seven, eight.

[1:27:24] One, two, three, four, five, six.

[1:27:26] Did this movie come out

[1:27:28] like a day after

[1:27:30] jump drives were invented?

[1:27:32] One, two, three, four, five, six.

[1:27:34] He's got his hand on the timer.

[1:27:36] Well, you know kids.

[1:27:38] They're usually not up on the latest

[1:27:40] in phone or computer technologies.

[1:27:42] Yes, come here.

[1:27:44] You have to see this.

[1:27:46] We are so excited.

[1:27:48] Ready?

[1:27:50] I'm pregnant.

[1:27:56] I just can't do it.

[1:27:58] I'm too boring.

[1:28:00] I'm sorry.

[1:28:02] I need to spend more time with my belt.

[1:28:04] I never really wanted to do it anyway.

[1:28:06] And I hate you.

[1:28:08] And goodbye.

[1:28:10] No, it's not.

[1:28:12] It's just not my thing.

[1:28:14] It's kind of stupid.

[1:28:16] Two years later.

[1:28:20] Well, we all went to the same college.

[1:28:22] I guess we're friends again.

[1:28:38] That's what good

[1:28:40] waffles do.

[1:28:50] Bratz no more.

[1:29:02] I can't use a phone, so...

[1:29:20] Today

[1:29:22] is going to be the day.

[1:29:24] They made that special sticker.

[1:29:26] Bratz cancelled.

[1:29:28] Now there's only the burp squad.

[1:29:30] I hope you had the time

[1:29:32] of your life.

[1:29:34] How do you talk

[1:29:36] to an angel?

[1:29:38] Just in the

[1:29:40] wind. All we are

[1:29:42] is just in the wind.

[1:29:44] I want to see the Brachiosaurus

[1:29:46] dancers.

[1:29:48] Oh, even

[1:29:50] combination Peter Frampton and Fred Armisen

[1:29:52] is shunning her.

[1:29:54] I do not know where you get Fred Armisen.

[1:29:56] Come on.

[1:29:58] No, that was not a successful argument.

[1:30:00] I believe you promised me chocolate.

[1:30:21] They're really using just first grade Spanish.

[1:30:25] Okay, what's going on?

[1:30:28] Of course, that's it. We're Spanish.

[1:30:37] Plotting their revenge.

[1:30:41] Brown.

[1:30:43] Blue.

[1:30:44] Or nothing.

[1:30:46] Brown.

[1:30:48] Why aren't you girls getting ready?

[1:30:50] Mom, we're not going.

[1:30:52] Not going? Why?

[1:30:54] Yasmin failed Anna.

[1:30:56] Yasmin?

[1:30:57] She just quit the show.

[1:30:59] We thought our friendship was more important.

[1:31:01] Yasmin, but she was the brattiest of them all.

[1:31:03] We put it all on the line.

[1:31:06] I can't believe it.

[1:31:07] Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

[1:31:09] Someone's...

[1:31:10] Yeah, tell me about it.

[1:31:11] Time for some mom detective work.

[1:31:16] You girls have been friends forever.

[1:31:18] Don't you think that you at least...

[1:31:20] This is the beginning of the universe.

[1:31:25] There's a fox in the brat house.

[1:31:34] Wait a minute, something doesn't brats up.

[1:31:39] It's a little bratsy.

[1:31:40] Too bratsy.

[1:31:43] Dominos.

[1:31:45] Baron Cohen.

[1:31:50] We're stalking you.

[1:31:53] I just want to tell you, I'm not doing the talent show.

[1:32:01] You do remember where my house is.

[1:32:03] Bratsio, Bratsio, wherefore art thou Bratsio?

[1:32:07] Brats by any other names?

[1:32:08] They resolve their problems.

[1:32:13] Brats of all ages.

[1:32:17] Yeah, round of applause for magic.

[1:32:20] I'd like to introduce you to our illustrious celebrity judges,

[1:32:23] who will be voting for me.

[1:32:27] Wait, that seems...

[1:32:29] I can't believe Meredith would stoop so low.

[1:32:33] Check out those ceramics, guys.

[1:32:35] Yeah, those are great ceramics.

[1:32:36] And the books up there, I wonder what those books are.

[1:32:40] We want to do the talent show with you.

[1:32:43] But guys, remember, Meredith, whatever.

[1:32:47] If we let Meredith scare us into quitting the show, then it's all over.

[1:32:50] She's going to make our lives miserable for the rest of the year.

[1:32:52] Yeah, and it doesn't matter if we win.

[1:32:54] Guys, the show has started.

[1:32:57] So let me get this straight.

[1:32:58] Tony Kushner wrote this script, by the way.

[1:33:00] Oh, so it's going to be going for nights.

[1:33:02] Yeah.

[1:33:03] Everyone laughing at us, thinking we're losers until we graduate.

[1:33:06] You've been laughed at so many times by this point.

[1:33:09] Exercise?

[1:33:10] Yeah, I've got enough exercise.

[1:33:12] Just pushing my luck.

[1:33:14] Little chat.

[1:33:18] Anyway.

[1:33:20] What do termites eat for breakfast?

[1:33:22] Oatmeal.

[1:33:24] Get it?

[1:33:25] I get it.

[1:33:26] Neil Hamburger, everyone.

[1:33:27] Neil Hamburger.

[1:33:33] He already went into his closing bit.

[1:33:34] That's not good.

[1:33:37] That was just hilarious.

[1:33:39] Really, really wonderful.

[1:33:42] Hilarious.

[1:33:44] The competition.

[1:33:45] Our next act is simply amazing.

[1:33:51] What?

[1:33:52] Why is Harold Ramis so unhappy with what's going on?

[1:34:00] I want to see that guy's parents.

[1:34:02] Yeah.

[1:34:13] All right, maybe.

[1:34:14] Yeah, maybe.

[1:34:24] Another musical number.

[1:34:25] That's right.

[1:34:26] Second musical number for the villain.

[1:34:28] Get ready, guys.

[1:34:29] The sass levels are about to get dangerous.

[1:34:34] Maybe she'd have more friends if she didn't sing about how great she is all the time.

[1:34:43] Oh, this is unethical.

[1:34:49] Well, Batman.

[1:34:52] Well, well, well.

[1:34:53] Meredith thinks she has won the title.

[1:34:55] Meredith thinks she has won the talent show, Batman.

[1:34:59] You're showing your gratitude, Batman.

[1:35:03] So they're vampires now?

[1:35:04] Is that what we're supposed to think?

[1:35:21] Yeah.

[1:35:22] Yep, there you go.

[1:35:24] John Voight, Academy Award winner.

[1:35:34] Those were side rhymes at best.

[1:35:38] Slant rhyme.

[1:35:40] So, soundtrack album available through Interscope or EMI, I think?

[1:35:48] Again, Myspace.

[1:35:53] I have to assume they tried to get real celebrities for the celebrity judges, failed, and then just got people who look like old celebrities.

[1:36:06] The craft is here.

[1:36:13] She's even being mean to her backup dancers.

[1:36:19] The revolution's starting.

[1:36:20] Come on.

[1:36:23] Yeah.

[1:36:42] It is impossible to say anything about this.

[1:36:50] No, she is wrong.

[1:36:51] Wrong.

[1:36:52] Elliot, I'm uncomfortable with the amount of butt that's happening here.

[1:36:55] I don't like it.

[1:36:58] She's supposed to be a teenager, Dan.

[1:36:59] It's fine.

[1:37:02] I think you have that backwards.

[1:37:15] So are we supposed to believe she wrote that song?

[1:37:19] No, do not applaud her.

[1:37:21] Do not.

[1:37:22] You're applauding evil.

[1:37:24] And skirts that are too short.

[1:37:35] Record scratcher.

[1:37:36] I mean, everyone's done their...

[1:37:39] Oh, what the...

[1:37:40] Brats of the world, rise.

[1:37:42] You have nothing to lose but your brats.

[1:37:45] This is highly irregular.

[1:37:47] All allow it.

[1:37:49] There's nothing in the rule book that says the brats can't do it in a routine.

[1:37:52] Actually, there is.

[1:37:53] You have to have applied by a certain time.

[1:37:55] Then I'll allow it.

[1:38:01] It's Chloe.

[1:38:02] Not Chloe's job to introduce.

[1:38:09] I draw power from Kadeem Hardison.

[1:38:16] They're brats.

[1:38:19] It's...

[1:38:20] It's anthrax.

[1:38:21] All right, guys, get ready to not be shocked by anything.

[1:38:33] Witty.

[1:38:40] Unless you look at her.

[1:38:41] Yeah, she's wearing the...

[1:38:43] She wears that at school.

[1:38:44] She's wearing it right now.

[1:38:45] She looks like that right now.

[1:38:49] I'm the third girl.

[1:38:55] Yes.

[1:38:56] So she's like a schoolgirl by day and...

[1:38:59] A scientist by night, yeah.

[1:39:06] And I'm gay.

[1:39:18] Wait, my perfect daughter.

[1:39:27] Awkward.

[1:39:36] In case you're wondering when this happened in the movie, it didn't.

[1:39:40] Wait, really?

[1:39:48] My mom?

[1:39:52] My mom is my hero.

[1:39:59] But I never told her.

[1:40:00] Oh a surprise witness okay that faded out really quickly he does look like a

[1:40:15] tough jock so this is just a general airing of yeah it's like a it's like a

[1:40:25] you know like a Quaker meeting all right so the talent shows been put on hold for

[1:40:32] like four hours and they're on stage

[1:40:48] this is a thing that people made

[1:40:55] Oh

[1:41:13] yep violin

[1:41:21] that's right there's a lot of gratitude a surprising number of words there's a

[1:41:43] lot of build-up I did am I am I watching the end of rent so when did

[1:42:00] they rehearse this with everybody oh there you go saxophone does that

[1:42:12] disqualify them because those guys aren't students it's gotta be and if

[1:42:16] they've got GE Smith and Saturday Night Live band backing them up to also

[1:42:20] apparently Manhattan transfer wrote this song for them so that's not a laugh but

[1:42:26] I laughed anyway I kind of like Meredith songs better as I will on the song level

[1:42:38] it is a better song yeah but they also have a multimedia display nice and a

[1:42:44] choir the movies attacking me at all sides

[1:43:08] these kids really have the angle on the adult contemporary rock that young

[1:43:13] people love I hate this when they go into the audience and the audience is

[1:43:24] like dr. John this 1970s jazz fusion is taking this high school by storm we

[1:43:32] should be mad that's all you're getting goodbye I appreciate what you did but I

[1:43:40] don't find you attractive he did it Cameron did it can you please not touch

[1:44:01] my turntable this is my one thing seriously did Steely Dan write this I

[1:44:17] don't understand what's happening wish it's gratitude Dan this is the puristic

[1:44:24] musical expression of gratitude I do not think that this light rock jazz fusion

[1:44:29] what high schoolers love this is just like your some 41s and whatever you know

[1:44:36] your systems of it down you're right you're you're Justin Bieber's you're

[1:44:43] Carly Rae's yeah that's right ringers in the audience

[1:44:51] Oh yeah they earned that ending flawless Bratz Bratz level up and then put the

[1:45:16] music in from when the space shuttle lands gratitude points plus 100 ultra

[1:45:22] Bratz bonus so the way to win the talent show is to have everyone who votes on

[1:45:28] the talent show be in your performance did they print it up in an envelope the

[1:45:45] karate guy and the stand-up she also emceed the show I mean that's a

[1:46:04] conflict of interest because we're rich whatever we don't need it give it to

[1:46:14] them so our scholarships usually given in the form of diplomas yep that guy

[1:46:28] looks cool hey I'm a pedophile what's up it's me frosted Gary Busey how are you

[1:46:37] sure that's the thing people do right anyway the movie is Joe's apartment

[1:47:04] here take the world's worst business card I mean except you're stupid so your

[1:47:20] soccer scholarship fell through by the way she's gonna fall over and break the

[1:47:25] scholarship and not be able to use it no br-a-t-z you spelled it in your song

[1:47:35] where'd they get those belts made so is the red carpet doesn't lead anywhere it

[1:47:48] just yeah operation kill the brass how they get that beret on the dog

[1:48:11] Elliot is that a prep for Bratz to I just Brando Murphy did such a great job

[1:48:16] as loner boy and let's not forget Nina Luna let's not forget less poor man also

[1:48:21] Paula frolic as herself I don't know who that is but she played herself all the

[1:48:28] stunt players some cord yeah sure I'm not Mark Rappaport Randy lamb the

[1:48:34] horniest lamb there is Alvester Martin the third of the Alvester Martins and a

[1:48:40] Mercedes Morris the woman who's so cool she has a car who works Mike Munich

[1:48:44] Don J hug famous for his hugs Jill hoppy and Jill Mexi these names aren't

[1:48:54] as funny

[1:49:01] Carlos Aragorn and of course bud fries who didn't want a side of bud fries still

[1:49:11] photographer Chuck Zlotnick let's not forget Chris fish Shadley who is a fish

[1:49:16] and Don DB black not a nickname just as initials so what do you think's next for

[1:49:24] the Bratz I assume drugs they fall apart well college right aren't they going to

[1:49:29] college no they're not going to college they're superstars oh why don't let's go

[1:49:33] to college one of them got a so in the next one does Meredith team up with them

[1:49:38] or yeah I assume they have to team up with Meredith for an even worse threat

[1:49:42] yeah which would be a lot well like the nega Bratz from an evil parallel

[1:49:45] universe or something exactly so what do you think has this been a bad bad live

[1:49:53] show a good bad live show or a live show you actually kind of liked damn I think

[1:50:00] come on okay I'm gonna say bad bad you both stink bad bad big surprise big

[1:50:07] surprise there's a shock ending shy Milan a let's take a moment to

[1:50:10] remember Alvin provided by half trunk will travel that and pause for effects

[1:50:16] provided the dog the best jokes in the credits just names of companies just do

[1:50:22] they're kind of bored watching this shit and okay so the Brats are still

[1:50:28] performing why does it say engineer frog do they shoot this movie in Prague

[1:50:40] what what scenes in this could possibly have been shot in Prague okay well I

[1:50:46] guess okay and now that's you thought you were done no that's weird now it's

[1:50:50] Jade's time to shine I'm uncomfortable with all these people watching Dan yeah

[1:51:03] you have some really nice moves I'm gonna continue to sit this out as Dan

[1:51:17] and Stuart slow groove so we're okay no down is that no that's now your head's

[1:51:26] down are you mad at me Bratz everyone

[1:51:38] you're telling us to keep going just keep talking with should we keep talking

[1:51:43] because the movies oh yeah so everybody if you'd like to see more people talking

[1:51:48] over bad movies on February 1st we're doing another one of these here for the

[1:51:55] legendary bad movie don't tell her it's me hey the boyfriend school starring

[1:52:03] on 35 millimeter that's right was this not 35 millimeter film okay yep if you

[1:52:13] want to see a movie starring Steve Guttenberg Steve Guttenberg Shelley Long

[1:52:22] and Jamie Gertz and comic-man matching a man makes an egg make all in one movie

[1:52:29] is there an animated title sequence yes there is I guess I want to talk about

[1:52:36] how Steven Briggs starts the movie that I've just even known well enough to call

[1:52:46] Steve he's just even he's mr. Steven does mr. Steve Steven Guttenberg play

[1:52:54] for part of the movie a New Zealander motorcyclist named Lobo merengue yes yes

[1:53:01] I believe this is the song rainy day performed by Janelle Parrish yeah this

[1:53:08] was this was the attempt to make Janelle Parrish a star she was gonna break out

[1:53:13] stuff yeah and we all remember how fast yeah she's the biggest star in music

[1:53:19] today oh look at all them little Bratz in there with her oh the Bratz piano so

[1:53:26] when you're doing research million dollars when you're doing research into

[1:53:29] the Bratz what's the deal with the asterisk next to the halo

[1:53:32] Ksenia I I don't think I ever noticed what I assume that's to say they're not

[1:53:38] that good also the asterisk leads to a footnote that says halo not endorsed by

[1:53:43] God maybe it's a little bit to apply endorsement by heaven maybe it serves

[1:53:49] all right Elliot yes maybe it's just mimicking the way girls text to each

[1:53:55] other do they you know they like to use little stars and smiley faces you know

[1:54:01] like David Foster Wallace the way David Foster Wallace yes well that's it

[1:54:10] Bratz everyone come on up you guys Bratz Bratz the movie I hope all of you now

[1:54:15] have a better understanding of the principles of gratitude how you can

[1:54:18] apply it to your own life and the rules of success that every brat knows thank

[1:54:25] you very much for coming I just want to do a quick plug since a lot of you like

[1:54:30] podcasts I do a podcast here it is my friend Eleanor Kagan about good and bad

[1:54:38] movie and what's this podcast called it is called Bonnie and Maude how do you

[1:54:44] find this you can find it up yes at Bonnie and Maude comm and they're also

[1:54:50] little flyers out on the table out there so you remember okay and where and have

[1:54:57] you signed any major contracts with this podcast that you want to announce or no

[1:55:04] but we are on iTunes oh there you go yeah iTunes good enough good enough and

[1:55:08] can can we reveal it now that Steve Guttenberg in person will not be part of

[1:55:15] the February 1st yes you mean Steven Guttenberger

[1:55:20] Steven Guttenberger will not be at the screening and neither will Kyle

[1:55:28] McMahon hand and listen to the Flophouse if you aren't already come on

[1:55:45] but Bonnie and Maude first

The Flop House Post Election Mood Enhancer - Bratz Commentary

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