FH Mini #149 - Fantasy Land March Madness

[0:00] Hello, listeners. Welcome to the Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[0:07] Mini!

[0:08] That's the mini voice saying mini.

[0:10] This is a smaller episode of the Flophouse.

[0:12] Half the time, we watch a movie and we talk about it.

[0:16] But the other half of the time, we do other stuff.

[0:18] It could be anything, but usually it's anything that involves movies.

[0:22] I'm joined today by my regular subsidiary co-hosts.

Dan McCoy

[0:25] Dan McCoy.

[0:26] Stuart Lenton Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:29] That's right. One of us has a middle name.

[0:31] Can you guess which one it is?

Dan McCoy

[0:33] It was a real time saver, Stuart, when you recorded that one thing of you saying your name

[0:37] and just hit play every time it's necessary.

[0:39] That's the thing. I'm working smarter, not harder.

Elliott Kalan

[0:42] Yeah, that's so true. Did I say my name? I can't even remember.

[0:44] Anyway, I'm Elliot Kalin. I don't know if I did.

[0:46] I'm Elliot Kalin. I'm here with Dan and Stu.

[0:48] And today, guess what, guys? We're talking March Madness.

[0:52] Brackets time.

[0:53] Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

[0:54] Everyone's doing brackets these days.

[0:57] Basketball brackets. Other kinds of brackets.

[1:00] Shelving.

[1:01] Shelving brackets.

[1:02] Writer Leia bracket.

[1:03] So many different brackets.

[1:05] And so today, we're going to do some brackets.

[1:08] But these brackets are not-

[1:09] Is this Lee bracket?

[1:09] Lee bracket? I don't know. I've never heard it said out loud.

[1:12] Okay, Lee bracket. Sure.

[1:15] Actor Eddie Bracken.

[1:16] Again, not the same word, but it sounds kind of similar.

[1:20] Guys, here's the thing.

[1:22] What is really mad, what's real madness right now, is the state of the world we live in.

[1:27] Wow, truth teller.

[1:28] Yep.

[1:29] I'm just saying what everybody knows in their hearts.

[1:32] Yeah.

[1:32] That things are cray right now.

[1:34] And I don't mean crayfish, which are delicious.

[1:36] I mean more like the cray brothers, who were violent and terrible.

[1:39] Yeah.

[1:40] So I wanted to talk about other worlds.

[1:42] Other worlds we might rather live in.

[1:44] Fantasy worlds, if you will.

[1:45] Yeah.

[1:46] And I wanted to do brackets of those.

[1:48] That's right.

[1:48] It's the March Madness Fantasy World Where Would You Rather Live Showdown Championships.

[1:55] So I'm going to go through lists of different fantasy worlds from films.

[2:00] And I'm going to ask you guys to tell me which one you'd rather live in.

[2:03] And then we're going to do this bracket style.

[2:04] There's pair-ups.

[2:05] And the winners of those will move on to the next rounds.

[2:08] Does that make sense?

Stuart Wellington

[2:08] I don't mean to cut your thing short.

[2:10] But if one of them is the world of Den in heavy metal, that's my pick and I'll just dip.

Elliott Kalan

[2:16] Oh, I'm so sorry.

[2:17] Den did not make it past the qualifying round.

[2:20] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:20] Yeah.

[2:21] I think it was – there was something about it.

[2:24] I don't know what it was.

[2:25] Probably that I forgot about it.

[2:27] But it didn't make it into the qualifying round.

[2:28] So it is not one of them.

[2:30] But I think you'll find some worlds you might like.

[2:32] Now, the first round, of course, this is the battle of the Ns.

[2:36] That's right.

[2:36] Two worlds that start with N, kind of.

[2:39] One of them actually starts with after a movie that starts with N.

[2:41] That is –

[2:42] Would you rather live in Narnia from the Narnia films and books or would you rather live in the never-ending story world of Fantasia?

[2:52] Narnia or the never-ending story world?

Dan McCoy

[2:55] Cool.

[2:56] Pretty cool stuff.

[2:58] You know, here's the thing.

[2:59] Pretty cool stuff.

[3:02] Dan said that the least engaged I've ever heard.

Elliott Kalan

[3:05] Dan sounded like nothing more than my own dad on the phone when he asked me about how I'm doing.

Stuart Wellington

[3:10] Yeah.

[3:10] He had substitute teacher energy of like, you know what the real 6-7 is.

[3:14] Yeah.

[3:14] But settle down, guys.

Dan McCoy

[3:17] We've had fun.

[3:18] So I just –

Elliott Kalan

[3:19] That was real guy thinking of what he's doing later energy.

[3:22] Yeah.

[3:22] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[3:24] Did I tell you guys about like my brief time as a substitute teacher when my biggest triumph was –

[3:31] some of the students were like, Mr. McCoy, draw a scared cat.

[3:36] And I drew like a scared cat on the blackboard.

[3:39] And they're like, wow, it really looks like – that's what a scared cat looks like.

[3:43] I've reached these children.

Elliott Kalan

[3:45] Dan goes, you've got to scare a lot of cats in real life so that you know what one looks like.

Stuart Wellington

[3:48] Yeah, that's Dan's turn his chair around backwards moment.

[3:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] It's like I've reached the kids by –

[3:53] Let's wrap around scared cats.

[3:56] So Stuart – so Dan is off in his own fantasy land of the past.

[4:00] Okay.

[4:00] Imagining his past victories and conquests.

[4:03] Stuart, would you rather live in Narnia or the never-ending story?

Stuart Wellington

[4:05] Okay.

[4:05] Let me just work through this real quick.

[4:07] Okay.

[4:07] We got – so Narnia has evil Tilda Swinton.

[4:12] That's a plus.

[4:13] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[4:13] I mean she's technically from another world but she's in Narnia when it's introduced in the books.

[4:18] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:18] Yeah.

[4:19] So there's – and there's a lion that talks and that's pretty cool.

[4:22] There's a talking Christ lion.

Elliott Kalan

[4:24] There's also a wardrobe.

Stuart Wellington

[4:26] There's a wardrobe.

[4:26] Don't forget that.

[4:27] I was going to say but there is like Santa.

[4:28] It's a little too Christian for me.

[4:30] I'm going to say I'm going to go never-ending story because there are those like sphinx babes that blast you with laser beams.

[4:35] Oh, yeah.

[4:35] Yeah.

[4:36] And there's like a nothing thing.

[4:38] Yeah, it's great.

[4:38] That's a plus to you?

[4:40] No, no, no.

[4:41] The nothing is a bad thing.

[4:43] Here's what I'm going to say.

[4:44] Yeah, but it gives – you know, the thing is a hero is only defined by the villains that oppose him, right?

[4:50] Oh, I see.

[4:50] And the nothing is pretty powerful and when I stop that bang, I'm going to look extra cool.

Dan McCoy

[4:55] So the older I get, the less – I grew up in a Christian household, but the less religious I get.

Elliott Kalan

[5:03] I mean you're just a – you're pretty much just a – if you have to admit it, you're just a closet Satanist at this point, right?

[5:08] You know?

Dan McCoy

[5:09] No, I'm – I believe in a –

Elliott Kalan

[5:11] You only go twice a year to hell church, but you know.

Dan McCoy

[5:14] I believe in a vague idea of being nice to people.

[5:18] But, you know, C.S. Lewis, as Christian thinkers go, is not a terrible one.

[5:23] And the thing about Narnia is like once you get rid of like the bad stuff, like those Pevensey kids, you know, hung out.

[5:31] They were kings and queens.

[5:32] They had a great time for years and years and years.

[5:34] Yeah.

[5:34] Whereas NeverEnding Story is being devoured by literal nothingness.

[5:39] So I think I would have to go with Narnia.

Stuart Wellington

[5:41] Yeah, but there's racing snails, dude.

Dan McCoy

[5:44] I mean, the stuff in it looks cooler.

[5:46] I got to give it that.

Elliott Kalan

[5:46] I mean, I'm – so I'm going to – since we have a tie here and we need to move out of the brackets.

[5:49] There's a giant guy made out of rocks who eats rocks.

[5:52] Who eats rocks.

[5:52] He's a rock cannibal.

[5:53] I am going to go – I'm going to be the tiebreaker here.

[5:56] I'm only going to step in when I have to break a tie.

[5:58] And I'm going to say, guys, once that nothing is taken care of, which it is at the end of the movie, I'm going to go NeverEnding Story.

[6:04] You can ride a luck dragon, a racing snail, that bat gliding thing.

[6:09] That's true.

[6:09] The dragon free rule.

[6:09] Yeah, the pyramids who are just – they're not afraid to just go around topless.

[6:15] Those Sphinxes, you know, and not pyramids, Sphinxes.

Dan McCoy

[6:17] Yeah, they're not afraid.

[6:19] The pyramid head from Silent Hill going around topless.

Elliott Kalan

[6:23] Whereas Narnia – Narnia is great, but you know what?

[6:26] I like the stuff – my favorite Narnia book, this is another movie, is The Magician's Nephew.

[6:31] They don't spend that much time in Narnia in The Magician's Nephew, you know?

[6:34] So that tells me that Narnia is not the best.

[6:36] Okay, moving on.

[6:37] Round two.

[6:39] Star Wars, the Star Wars universe versus Thra, the planet from the Dark Crystal.

[6:44] Which fantasy world would you rather live in?

[6:45] A world of rebels fighting the empire across a far-flung galaxy and there's lots of talking bear men and stuff.

[6:51] I guess he doesn't talk.

[6:52] He just growls.

[6:53] You can be a pirate on a spaceship with a bear man as your co-pilot.

[6:56] Or a world of Skeksis and Gelflings and those – what are those little guys that just like to play music in the woods and, you know, hang out?

Dan McCoy

[7:05] Hippies.

[7:06] Yeah, there you go.

Elliott Kalan

[7:08] Would you rather live in a more George Lucas-y fantasy world or a more Muppety fantasy world?

Dan McCoy

[7:12] Here's what – I mean like, oh, when you put it that way, it seems like I'm going to go Muppets.

[7:17] Here's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[7:18] Return of the Jedi has some Muppety characters in it.

[7:20] Yeah, that's true.

[7:20] I'm talking about that too.

[7:21] And Yoda's kind of a Muppet.

Dan McCoy

[7:22] Star Wars – like, I love the look of the Dark Crystal.

[7:27] Star Wars is a much more enjoyable thing to watch than Dark Crystal, which I – despite my love of the artistry for it, I find kind of boring a lot of it.

[7:36] Wow.

[7:37] I think it's amazing but also kind of boring.

[7:40] It can be two things.

Elliott Kalan

[7:42] That's true.

[7:42] It contains multitudes, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:44] Like, I love them both as worlds, but I have to be honest with myself that I want technology.

[7:51] I don't want to just be sort of like wandering around in like the wilderness.

[7:54] So I guess I'm going to go with Star Wars.

Elliott Kalan

[7:55] You don't want to just be wearing kind of homespun clothes while you drink soup broth out of like a clay bowl.

[8:01] Yeah.

[8:01] Like a mischapen clay bowl.

[8:02] That's what Dark Crystal life seems like to me.

Stuart Wellington

[8:04] You are also suggesting that you crave the gentle hand of the Empire, some kind of authority.

[8:10] Well, that's the problem.

[8:11] Regulating.

[8:12] Clearly there's this fascist government.

Dan McCoy

[8:13] It's really snappy.

[8:15] I mean, that's the thing.

[8:15] But I've gotten used to that.

Elliott Kalan

[8:16] When you live on Thra, at any point one of those big crab monsters, the Gartham, right, can just come and attack your observatory, your alchemist observatory.

[8:24] But in Star Wars, the Empire is there to keep you safe.

Stuart Wellington

[8:26] You know that shit took forever to make.

Elliott Kalan

[8:28] For sure, yeah.

[8:29] Yeah, we're under the thumb of the Empire.

[8:30] They're smashing all her windows.

[8:32] Where is she going to get glass in Thra?

[8:34] Who makes like –

Dan McCoy

[8:36] The Skeksis are also like doing bad shit.

[8:39] Like I don't feel like either one of them is free from danger.

[8:43] And the elders, kind of boring, right?

Elliott Kalan

[8:46] They are – I will – the ancients.

[8:47] Yeah, I will say this.

[8:48] The thing about the Dark Crystal that is its weakness to me is the ancients are very – but when they're going, oh.

[8:54] Even as a kid, I found that very dull and I was like, give me some Skeksis.

[8:57] I want to see some Skeksis.

[8:58] So, Stuart, what about – so Dan says the Star Wars universe.

[9:01] Stuart, what about you?

Stuart Wellington

[9:02] Okay.

[9:03] So, I'm going to base this more on the fact that – so I love the Dark Crystal, but I don't need more of what – of that – of the Dark Crystal.

[9:15] One movie, that's absolutely enough.

[9:17] And I feel like Star Wars, at least, there's a little more space.

[9:20] They've already given me too much.

[9:22] Pun intended.

[9:22] But there's a little bit more space to breathe.

[9:25] So, I feel like Star – I'm going to go with Star Wars just because I feel like there's a little more –

[9:30] Space.

[9:31] Stuff to explore.

Elliott Kalan

[9:32] Yes, that's true.

[9:33] There is – it's multiple worlds.

[9:34] You could go to a desert world.

[9:36] You go to a frozen world.

[9:37] You go to a forest world.

[9:38] That's pretty much it.

[9:39] Yeah.

[9:39] But Thra is just the one place.

[9:41] So, Star Wars wins that one handily.

[9:43] I'm not that surprised.

[9:45] Going to round three, I think we might have a ringer in this one.

[9:48] But this might be a tough one.

[9:50] It's Middle Earth or Oz 1939 Wizard of Oz version.

[9:56] Middle Earth or Oz from the 1939 Wizard of Oz version.

[9:58] I don't want to go to a fucking prison, dude.

Stuart Wellington

[10:02] Wait, which one's that?

Elliott Kalan

[10:03] Not Oz.

[10:04] No, not Oz the television show.

[10:06] Oh.

[10:06] No, no.

[10:07] Oz from the Wizard of Oz.

[10:08] I get what's going on.

[10:09] That seemed like it was bad.

[10:10] No, no.

[10:10] That's not a fantasy world.

[10:11] That's an all too grim reality, unfortunately.

Dan McCoy

[10:16] Jeez Louise.

Elliott Kalan

[10:18] Middle Earth, the world of hobbits and orcs.

[10:20] And whatever.

[10:21] Or Oz, the world of munchkins and flying monkeys.

Dan McCoy

[10:25] Again, this depends on when we enter this world.

[10:29] Well, let's talk about it.

[10:32] Oz, obviously there's danger in that world.

[10:35] But it feels less dangerous than Sauron sweeping over the land.

Elliott Kalan

[10:44] But what if you were there during the Hobbit times?

Dan McCoy

[10:46] Yeah.

[10:47] If we're doing it like pre or post, like I would love to be a hobbit.

[10:51] That seems like kind of the ideal life.

[10:53] I bet Dan, you would be a great hobbit.

[10:55] You would really fit in well.

[10:56] Yeah, you'd fucking crush that, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[10:57] Live in a little hole, eat just a bunch of meals all day and just smoke a pipe and you will not –

[11:02] and get mad at people throwing your dishes around while they're singing.

[11:04] Yeah, I could see you loving that.

[11:05] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:06] No, I think for that reason I have to go Middle Earth.

[11:09] I have to.

[11:10] Okay.

[11:10] Stuart, what about you?

[11:11] What are you, fucking idiot?

[11:12] Wow.

[11:15] I figured that would be the response.

Stuart Wellington

[11:16] How long have you known me, dude?

[11:18] I figured that would be the response.

[11:19] Okay, so Middle Earth wins that one.

[11:19] Yeah, I want to hang out with my fucking orc buddies, feast on man flesh, march around, sing fucking songs.

Elliott Kalan

[11:26] Oh, Hobbit Dan better watch out when orc Stu shows up to attack the Shire.

[11:30] Where there's a whip or we could be unlikely friends.

[11:35] Yeah, yeah, that'd be cool.

[11:36] Yeah, maybe this is the story.

[11:38] It's like a midnight run type thing or like some kind of mismatched buddy comedy between an orc and a hobbit, you know?

[11:43] Yeah.

[11:44] That sounds great.

[11:45] Okay, round four.

[11:46] Uh-oh, interesting.

[11:47] We have some more Oz's in the mix.

[11:49] There's Oz Return to Oz version or Oz Wicked version.

[11:55] Which would you prefer to live in, Oz from the Wicked movies or Oz from Return to Oz?

Dan McCoy

[11:59] One's terrible.

[12:00] And one's kind of lame.

[12:01] So it's hard.

Elliott Kalan

[12:04] I will say having rewatched Return to Oz recently, I liked it a lot more than I used to.

Dan McCoy

[12:10] No, I think it's a good movie.

[12:12] It's just terrifying.

Elliott Kalan

[12:13] Oh, it's a terrible place to live.

[12:15] Yeah, I'm sure.

[12:15] Yeah, yeah.

[12:15] It feels very sad.

[12:17] But that's because the Gnome King put everyone in his jail, you know, or whatever.

[12:20] So it made him all into little trinkets in his halls.

Dan McCoy

[12:23] And I want to be clear.

[12:24] I like the first Wicked movie just fine.

[12:27] But the second one I thought was so bad.

[12:29] Would you say it was Wicked good?

[12:32] No.

[12:33] I thought I'd say it was Wicked pretty good.

[12:38] Yeah.

[12:39] Yeah, this movie's Wicked pretty good.

Elliott Kalan

[12:41] It's Wicked okay.

Stuart Wellington

[12:44] Why don't you go first, Stuart?

[12:45] Yeah, I mean, I'm completely unfamiliar with Return to Oz.

[12:49] So I think I'm going to have to pick Wicked just because.

Dan McCoy

[12:52] But it is, it's a little bit too clean.

[12:55] That's the third movie, Wicked just because.

Elliott Kalan

[12:58] It's called Wicked cha-ching.

[13:00] That's what it's called.

[13:01] No, I'm going to go with Wicked.

[13:02] Just because.

[13:03] Just the characters hanging around talking about the previous Wicked movies.

[13:06] Hey, remember that time when I went to school with you?

[13:09] And then it's just the whole, that whole sequence, the first movie.

[13:12] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[13:13] Even though it's deflating over time and I don't like the weird digital haze, I'm going

[13:18] to go with the world of Wicked as well.

[13:20] Okay.

[13:20] Just because I think living in Return to Oz would be too scary.

Elliott Kalan

[13:24] Okay.

[13:25] I guess it is very scary, but you love the hand.

[13:27] You love that it's practical effects.

Dan McCoy

[13:29] You know.

[13:29] Yeah.

[13:30] From a distance, I'd rather, I think, watch Return to Oz again than.

Elliott Kalan

[13:35] But you'd rather live in.

[13:36] I mean, Wicked has a functioning train system, whereas Return to Oz does not.

[13:40] So that right there.

[13:41] Mass transit is helpful.

[13:43] All right.

[13:43] We're almost at the, we're almost ready for our break.

[13:47] We're always ready for the halftime show, which is just ads.

[13:49] But let's do just a couple more brackets.

[13:51] Let's see.

[13:52] Would you guys rather live on Skull Island from King Kong?

[13:56] Okay.

[13:56] That's pretty dope.

[13:57] Or the fairy tale land from Into the Woods?

[13:59] Which would you rather live in?

[14:01] Skull Island or the fairy tale land?

[14:03] And now Skull Island, you could say, oh, then I'll just hop a ship and get back to regular

[14:06] non-fantasy life.

[14:07] No, you got to stay on Skull Island.

[14:09] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[14:11] I'm going to have to go Skull Island.

[14:13] You know, there's giant insects I can ride around on.

[14:16] There's a giant King Kong I can probably hang out.

[14:19] I feel like we'd get along, right?

[14:21] Oh, I definitely think so.

[14:22] Yeah.

[14:22] I think so.

[14:23] So like, yeah, we'd be buddies.

[14:24] And then he'd get in fights with dinosaurs.

[14:27] I get to watch that shit.

[14:29] That's cool.

Dan McCoy

[14:30] Uh, I, you know, like all of these, I hate to be productive, but it, it all sort of like

[14:37] goes down to like, where do I feel like safer?

[14:40] Yeah.

[14:40] And this one's actually kind of a hard call because initially you would think like, oh,

[14:45] of course, Into the Woods, you'd feel safer than Skull Island.

[14:47] But in, in, in, Into the Woods, the narrator has been killed.

[14:51] Like, uh, we're spinning into, you know, pure chaos.

[14:55] There's a giant's wife stomping around.

Elliott Kalan

[14:57] There's a witch.

[14:58] There's a wolf.

Dan McCoy

[14:59] No happy endings are, um, guaranteed.

Elliott Kalan

[15:03] And you have to watch what you say because children will listen.

[15:06] Yes.

[15:06] And watch what you do because children will see.

Dan McCoy

[15:08] So even though I have a greater fondness as a property, uh, for Into the Woods, I think

[15:13] I'm going to go with Stu.

[15:14] I think I'm going to go to Skull Island.

Elliott Kalan

[15:15] I love that Skull Island.

[15:16] You're like.

[15:17] Not as dangerous.

[15:18] Not as dangerous.

[15:19] Skull Island.

[15:21] You're liable to get eaten by any number of dinosaurs.

[15:23] Lifetime of terror on Monster Island.

[15:25] Don't worry.

[15:26] It's just a name.

[15:27] I thought it was just a name.

[15:28] What they meant was Monster Island is actually a peninsula.

[15:31] All right.

[15:32] We've got one more before we take our quick break.

[15:34] Would you guys rather live in Toontown from Roger Rabbit or Dinosaur City from the Mario

[15:40] Brothers movie, the old one?

[15:41] I thought it was going to be Cool World.

[15:43] I thought it was going to.

[15:44] Oh, damn.

[15:45] Oh, that we, you know what?

[15:46] Should we do it?

[15:47] Should we, should we then know Toontown or Cool World Toontown?

Dan McCoy

[15:50] No, you're the, you're the game master.

[15:53] You're a, what was it?

[15:54] Cool World or Dinosaur City?

[15:56] No, it's Toontown.

[15:56] It's not Cool World.

[15:57] Not Cool World.

[15:57] You know what?

Elliott Kalan

[15:58] One of my later ones, I'm going to change one of my later ones to Cool World.

[16:01] Okay.

[16:02] So, Toontown from Roger Rabbit or Dinosaur City from the original Super Mario Brothers movie.

Stuart Wellington

[16:07] Now, look.

[16:08] I get it.

[16:10] Toontown, it's got to be annoying.

[16:13] They just don't fucking stop doing bits and shit.

[16:16] It's frenetic.

[16:16] But, I think if you can get into the vibe, it works.

Dan McCoy

[16:20] And sometimes you'll want to go into Los Angeles.

[16:25] Yeah.

[16:26] It's, it's hard.

[16:27] It's like the one time we see Bob Hoskins' character, Eddie Valiant, that's his name, go into Toontown.

[16:34] It seems like a relentless series of terrors.

[16:38] Yeah.

[16:38] He is just being bedeviled on all ends by, you know, supposedly nice tunes.

[16:44] Not even evil tunes.

[16:45] But, like, good tunes are, like, fucking with them left and right.

[16:48] Yeah, that's what tunes do.

[16:52] But, you know what?

[16:53] I love those tunes.

[16:54] I love those wacky tunes.

[16:55] Let me go with Toontown.

Elliott Kalan

[16:56] I think you guys are right about Toontown.

[16:58] I think once you get into it, you'll be good.

[16:59] And also, Dinosaur City, there's no sunlight ever.

Stuart Wellington

[17:02] Yeah.

[17:02] In that city.

Elliott Kalan

[17:03] You would go nuts in that place.

Stuart Wellington

[17:05] At least we'd have a giant sun with a face that, like, winks at us.

[17:09] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[17:09] Who wouldn't want that, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[17:11] We're just living in the eternal darkness of the cyberpunk dystopia of Dinosaur City, you know?

[17:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:17] I mean, I'm surprised, Dan, that you didn't take it because it's pretty sexy, Dinosaur City.

[17:23] But, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[17:23] Dinosaur City, yeah.

[17:25] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[17:25] But, you know what?

[17:26] Toontown wins.

[17:27] Let's take a break from the brackets.

[17:28] We just have a couple more in the first round to get through.

[17:31] But let's take a break.

[17:32] We've got a Jumbotron sponsor to read today.

[17:35] Ooh.

[17:36] And this is a commercial Jumbotron, and it goes like this.

[17:42] Craig Johnson has a PhD in history and is a host of 15 Minutes of Fascism, a sadly topical podcast covering the global rise of fascism.

[17:50] Don't doom scroll all day.

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[18:02] Check out 15 Minutes of Fascism on your podcatcher of choice and order How to Talk to Your Son About Fascism from your local bookstore.

[18:10] Sounds like a needed public service.

[18:12] Yes.

[18:12] Mm-hmm.

John Hodgman

[18:18] This is John Hodgman and Janet Varney coming to you from the flight deck.

[18:23] Please be comfortable.

[18:24] We have now reached our cruising altitude.

S4

[18:27] Well, that's correct.

[18:27] You are now free to listen to the latest season of E Pluribus Motto.

[18:31] As always, this season we'll discuss the official mottos of U.S. states and territories for your enjoyment.

John Hodgman

[18:36] If I look out the window, you'll see local iconography and creatures of all sorts that will be discussed this season, including California quails.

S4

[18:42] Puerto Rican frogs.

John Hodgman

[18:43] North Dakota horses.

S4

[18:45] Spiders of New Hampshire.

John Hodgman

[18:46] And all matter of official and unofficial state cryptids.

[18:50] I've now turned on the enjoyment sign, so please start enjoying new episodes of E Pluribus Motto every other week on Maximum Fun and wherever you get your podcasts.

S4

[18:57] Sit back, relax, and enjoy your listen.

S6

[19:04] We've just added these cities to the growing list of meetups on April 23rd for MaxFun Meetup Day.

[19:16] Didn't hear your city or don't know where your local meetup is?

[19:19] Head to maximumfun.org slash meetup and we've got all the details there.

[19:23] And if you still don't see your city listed, host your own.

[19:26] Find somewhere.

[19:27] A park, library, cafe, bar, any public space a small group can hang.

[19:32] Then fill out the form at maximumfun.org slash meetup and we'll add you to the page so other folks in your area can find you.

[19:39] That's maximumfun.org slash meetup.

[19:41] Hope to see you on April 23rd.

Dan McCoy

[19:46] This week, the podcast is sponsored in part by HIMSS.

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Elliott Kalan

[21:19] Before we get back to the main game, I also remind people that I have a few things I always plug that I'm going to continue plugging.

[21:25] My new comic book series, Barbarian Behind Bars from Mad Cave Studios.

[21:29] It asks, what if a Conan the Barbarian type fantasy character ends up in prison?

[21:33] Then we have Harley Quinn, which I'm writing for DC Comics.

[21:36] We're about to start a storyline that I think people will like that has a lot of Batman stuff in it.

[21:41] And there's Joke Farming, my book about how to write jokes and how jokes work from University of Chicago Press.

[21:47] Joke Farming, available in e-book and in print.

[21:50] And before too long, I'm going to be recording an audiobook version of it.

[21:54] Ooh.

[21:54] Very exciting.

[21:55] Do you guys have anything you would like to plug before we move on with the brackets?

[22:01] Okay, welcome back to March Madness Fantasy Worlds Brackets.

S4

[22:05] We are almost done with our first round.

Elliott Kalan

[22:10] And then we will see who goes into the semifinals.

[22:14] I don't know, quarterfinals.

[22:15] I don't remember what order the finals.

[22:16] Yeah.

[22:17] Anyway, guys, our next matchup.

[22:19] Not our area.

[22:20] Our next matchup was originally going to be Never Never Land from Peter Pan or the Spirited Away Bathhouse World.

[22:26] But you know what?

[22:27] I'm knocking Never Never Land out and replacing it with Cool World because I know Dan loves it so.

[22:32] So where would you rather live?

[22:33] In Cool World or Hollywood if Holly could or the Spirited Away world where you can give baths to monsters and ride a sad train?

[22:42] Which would you prefer?

Stuart Wellington

[22:45] Wait, are we noids or doodles?

Elliott Kalan

[22:49] Yeah.

[22:49] Well, think about it.

[22:50] Which would you – if you were a noid as you are now, which as you are a human noid, right?

[22:57] You are not a doodle.

[22:58] Would you rather live in that world?

[23:00] But also if you want to wait at where you're a doodle instead of annoyed, we could do it that way.

Dan McCoy

[23:03] Yeah.

[23:04] Well, the thing is if you're annoyed, you can't have sex with doodles.

[23:07] And it seems like that's the only –

Elliott Kalan

[23:08] That's like 90% of the –

[23:09] The only appeal of Cool World.

Dan McCoy

[23:12] Because here's the – like to be frank, like other than the sexiness of Cool World, that place seems irritating.

[23:18] Oh, it seems terrible, right?

[23:19] There's constantly shit going on all over the place.

[23:22] None of it seems to have anything to do with anything else.

[23:25] It's, you know, like the soundtrack is good but it's loud and relentless.

Elliott Kalan

[23:29] There's also, again, also no sunlight.

[23:30] I think it's always nighttime there.

Stuart Wellington

[23:32] Yeah.

[23:33] I'm going to shock the world and say I'm picking bathhouse.

[23:36] I mean that's like – it's just so chill and there's so many weirdos there.

[23:41] But like in a way that I don't find annoying.

[23:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[23:46] As much as it might seem like I'd go Cool World, I got to go bathhouse too.

[23:49] That's a call.

[23:50] Tough one now.

Elliott Kalan

[23:51] Spirit Away Bathhouse World, you guys are eager to have your parents turn into pigs so that you can give baths to fantasy – to frogs and big kind of gross, goopy guys.

Stuart Wellington

[24:01] And then when I leave, I'm going to give them a toaster oven that has a chunk of pure evil and I'm like, Mom and Dad, touch this thing.

[24:09] No.

[24:09] So I can go back to hang out with my bathhouse buddies.

Elliott Kalan

[24:12] Oh, that's a different thing.

[24:14] Now, we have one final first round duo.

[24:17] That is, would you rather live in Barbie land from the movie Barbie or Hyboria, the home of Conan the Cimmerian?

[24:27] A savage world where the only law is your strong right sword hand.

Stuart Wellington

[24:32] I'm going to jump in front of Dan here now.

[24:33] There was a second where I was like, oh, maybe I feel like I love the pinks and the bright colors and like the energy and, you know, the lessons we're learning in Barbie world.

[24:44] But you know what?

[24:45] The only lessons I need come at the end of a blade.

[24:48] So take me to Hyboria, baby.

[24:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[24:51] Krom doesn't get – he does not give you fancy clothing or a sense of style.

[24:55] He only gives you life and the strength to endure it.

[24:59] Dan, what about you?

[24:59] Would you rather live in Barbie land or Hyboria?

Dan McCoy

[25:02] Um, I, you know, I know I can't.

[25:06] I can't be a barbarian, number one.

[25:10] But number two, like, yeah, the vibes in Barbie land seem great.

[25:14] Like in general, like these days I think I have more closer male friends.

[25:19] But like in general, like I find women like easier to relate to and it's a very women-centric society.

[25:27] Yeah, like I would go to Barbie land.

Elliott Kalan

[25:30] As much as I enjoy stories set in savage fantasy lands where the only law is a strong sword arm, I think I would not want to actually – comparing that to Barbie land, a place where it's mostly beach parties and having fun.

[25:44] I think I would go with you, Dan.

[25:45] So as the tiebreaker, I'm going to choose Barbie land.

[25:47] Sorry, Conan.

[25:49] Yeah, cowards.

[25:51] Okay.

[25:54] Okay, moving on to the second round.

[25:56] We have some new matchups based on our winners.

[25:57] Okay.

[25:58] So first, there's the never-ending story world, Fantasia, or the Star Wars universe.

[26:02] Which would you rather live in?

[26:03] Never-ending story land or Star Wars?

[26:06] I can't.

[26:07] I just – there's cool stuff in never-ending story land.

Dan McCoy

[26:10] I just can't deal with the idea of a wave of nothingness coming in.

[26:15] Cool stuff?

Stuart Wellington

[26:16] You're just saying Jonathan Brandes is stuff?

Dan McCoy

[26:18] Even if – that's what I'm saying.

[26:21] Even if we conquer it, even if like things turn out all right, like that is such a horrifying concept.

[26:26] You're always going to be afraid of the nothingness coming back as that is.

Elliott Kalan

[26:29] Whereas, again, the cradling, loving paternal arm of the empire –

[26:34] There's so many pockets of the universe where you can hide out.

Dan McCoy

[26:36] The trains run on time is what he's saying.

Elliott Kalan

[26:39] Yeah, the space trains run on time, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:41] You know, even if I got to go to Dagobah where no one cares about anything, like –

Elliott Kalan

[26:45] Yeah, where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda.

[26:49] That's from the song Yoda by Weird Al Yank.

Dan McCoy

[26:51] No, I – context clues.

[26:53] Yeah, sure.

[26:56] I'm going to go Star Wars.

[26:57] What do you say, Stu?

Stuart Wellington

[26:58] Yeah, I'm going to go Star Wars.

[27:00] I mean, I'm going to hang out.

[27:03] I'll be a fucking bartender or work at Dexter Jetster's fucking diner or something.

[27:08] But it's true.

Elliott Kalan

[27:08] There are a couple – I think we've talked about this before.

[27:10] There are only a few jobs in the Star Wars universe.

[27:12] You can be a smuggler, a soldier, a bounty hunter, or a food service worker or live music performance artist.

[27:20] Those are the five jobs that you can have.

[27:22] And maybe like a mechanic.

[27:24] You know, you can be like a mechanic that works on spaceships.

[27:25] So, okay.

[27:28] So, the Star Wars universe advances to the next round.

[27:30] Let's see.

[27:31] What's going to advance in this next matchup?

[27:33] That's Oz from the Wicked movies or Middle Earth.

[27:36] Which would you prefer to live in?

[27:37] Oh, it's unreal mystery.

[27:39] Middle Earth or Oz from the Wicked movies?

Dan McCoy

[27:42] Yeah.

[27:43] Middle Earth is a pretty easy choice for me to make again.

Elliott Kalan

[27:47] I love how Dan's like, I can't deal with the nothingness.

[27:49] But the shadow of Sauron over the land, you know what?

[27:52] Maybe I'll just sit in my hole and just eat spice cakes.

Stuart Wellington

[27:56] Let the world of the big people sort itself out.

Dan McCoy

[27:58] The Shire might burn one time.

[28:02] Okay.

[28:02] It might be scoured once.

Stuart Wellington

[28:04] It might be a little bit of scouring.

[28:05] 99% of the time.

[28:06] Just a little bit of scouring.

[28:08] The Shire is weird.

[28:09] I feel like that's a plot hole because shouldn't the Hobbits have just not let Sharky in, you know?

[28:14] Sharky's machine, though.

[28:15] It's hard not to let that in.

[28:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:18] So Middle Earth advances, not a surprise.

[28:21] What a rich fantasy world.

[28:23] Speaking of rich fantasy worlds, let's look at our next round.

[28:25] It's Skull Island, King Kong's home, and Toontown, where all the toons live.

[28:31] Would you rather live in Skull Island, a land of jungles, prehistoric creatures, and danger,

[28:37] or Toontown, a land of mixing IP and frenetic violence?

Stuart Wellington

[28:43] And the chance of a piano falling on you and crushing you.

Elliott Kalan

[28:46] You might have a piano fall on you.

[28:47] You might have a lady go, oh, man, and then chase after you.

Dan McCoy

[28:51] A lady?

[28:52] Lena Haiy.

Elliott Kalan

[28:53] She hasn't been.

[28:54] Sorry.

[28:55] I apologize.

[28:56] And what cartoon is she from originally?

[28:58] I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[28:59] Stuart, what are you going to get on this?

Stuart Wellington

[29:03] I'm going to go Toontown.

[29:06] You know, it's a reflection.

[29:08] I can't help it.

Dan McCoy

[29:08] Yeah, it's a reflection, I think, of the inside of my brain.

[29:12] The closest to any of these is just like what's going on in my head is Toontown.

Elliott Kalan

[29:17] I mean, I get it.

[29:19] But also, Dan, I feel like you would feel right at home in Toontown.

[29:23] But also, going by some of the standards you were suggesting earlier, Skull Island seems

[29:27] cool, but Toontown is a place where even as frenetic as it is, you have a house with

[29:30] a roof over your head.

[29:32] You know, you can drive a car.

[29:33] You have plumbing.

Stuart Wellington

[29:34] That house might explode and your hair all sticks up and you have soot all over you.

[29:38] But you can make it not.

[29:39] That's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[29:40] If you explode, you don't die.

[29:42] You're just all black for a while.

Elliott Kalan

[29:43] Whereas Skull Island, you better believe you're going to die if you explode.

[29:46] You know, there's so many things that can kill you.

[29:47] Whereas Toontown, Toontown.

[29:49] Toontown is just more about a feel, man.

[29:51] Take me to Toontown.

[29:52] Take me down to Toontown.

[29:54] Toontown, you're not going to die.

[29:55] That's the jazz club in Toontown.

[29:57] Actually, was Eddie Valiant in real danger in Toontown or no?

[30:00] He wouldn't die as long as he was there?

[30:02] I think he bounces on the ground, doesn't he?

Dan McCoy

[30:05] Or something.

[30:05] I don't remember.

[30:06] Well, because the ground is animated as well.

[30:09] Oh, okay.

[30:10] And he climbs out of a hole.

[30:11] But he's still alive.

[30:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:14] Or maybe the rest of the movie is a dream he's having in the last moments before he dies

[30:17] in Toontown.

[30:18] It's possible.

[30:19] Yeah.

[30:20] Now, let's move on to the final round of the semifinals or quarterfinals, whichever

[30:26] it is.

[30:27] We've got the Spirited Away Bathhouse versus Barbie Land.

[30:31] Would you rather be in a Japanese world of steamy public baths and delicious treats?

[30:38] Filled with aliens and monsters and treats.

[30:40] Filled with aliens and monsters.

[30:41] Filled with yokai of all forms.

[30:43] Thank you.

[30:43] Or would you rather live in Barbie Land where it's just kind of a 24-hour party, but there's

[30:48] this kind of a pit of emptiness at the core of it that Barbie has to figure out?

[30:54] Yeah.

[30:55] And would you guys be Kens or would you be a different type of doll?

[30:59] Like...

[30:59] Honey.

Dan McCoy

[31:00] Baby.

[31:01] I'd probably be that Michael Cera one.

Elliott Kalan

[31:03] Yeah.

[31:03] I think so.

[31:04] And Stuart, you'd be a Ken probably.

[31:05] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[31:07] Yeah.

[31:07] I'd be old Ken.

[31:09] The...

[31:10] No.

Dan McCoy

[31:11] I mean...

[31:11] The old Ken Chronicles.

Stuart Wellington

[31:15] He has to travel the world.

[31:16] Yeah.

[31:17] With a walking stick and a long beard.

[31:18] Yeah.

[31:19] Yeah.

[31:20] No.

[31:20] Take me back to that bathhouse.

[31:22] I mean, no filmmakers.

[31:25] Has ever made food look as delicious as my side.

Elliott Kalan

[31:29] I'll give you that.

[31:30] The food...

[31:31] When the parents are eating that food and turning into pigs, I'm like, yeah.

[31:33] The same thing would happen to me.

[31:35] Everything looks fantastic.

[31:36] It looks great.

[31:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:39] In Barbie Land, do I not have genitals?

[31:42] Yes.

[31:43] That's a big negative.

[31:46] But what do I hate more...

[31:47] Whereas in Spirit Away Bathhouse, you're just fucking like crazy.

[31:51] Well, it's not like there's anything to fuck there.

[31:53] No, you're constantly...

[31:54] You're constantly...

Elliott Kalan

[31:54] No, you're constantly sneaking into the back room with a frog or a big chick or something

[31:59] like that.

[31:59] Thank you.

[31:59] A big bird.

[32:00] Yeah.

[32:01] But the thing about...

[32:03] Imagine what you could do.

[32:03] That guy who works the bellows and the furnace in the bottom has got a lot of arms.

Dan McCoy

[32:06] What can he do with those?

[32:07] You know?

[32:08] If there's one thing I hate more than anything, I think it's uncertainty.

[32:13] Yeah.

[32:13] It's like not...

[32:14] We can see how the nothingness...

Elliott Kalan

[32:15] Not sort of understanding.

[32:17] The nothingness really strikes a nerve with you.

[32:19] It really bothered you.

[32:20] Yeah, yeah.

[32:20] I think it's that uncertainty.

[32:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:21] And the Spirit Away world, I would constantly be like, what the fuck is going on?

[32:25] What are the rules here?

[32:26] I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing.

[32:28] So, I think I got to go with Barbie Land.

Elliott Kalan

[32:30] Okay.

[32:31] He's got a tiebreaker.

[32:32] Yeah.

[32:32] Another tie.

[32:33] Spirit Away Bathhouse versus Barbie Land.

[32:36] I like the movie Spirited Away more.

[32:39] But I feel like it's the difference of do I work at the bathhouse or am I a customer at the bathhouse?

[32:44] Because it seems pretty stressful to work there.

[32:47] It's a lot...

[32:48] Customers constantly coming in.

[32:49] They all have different needs.

[32:51] You got to get those different tiles to like get the right bath salts and things like that and bath bombs.

[32:55] But if I'm a customer there, oh man, what a sweet place to be.

[32:59] It seems so relaxing.

[33:00] You know, it just seems so like your every need is taken care of whether you're a giant frog or a big baby chick or whatever that kind of like octopussy type guy is who's like all big and takes up the elevator.

[33:13] Roger Moore.

[33:15] Yeah, that octopussy guy, Roger Moore.

[33:18] So actually, and I think, to be honest, Barbie Land, I think the colors would start to hurt my eyes after a little while.

[33:25] It's a little too bright.

[33:26] So you know what?

[33:26] I'm going to say if I'm a customer, Spirited Away Bathhouse.

[33:29] Sorry.

[33:30] Sorry, Barbie Land.

[33:32] A nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

[33:34] A surprisingly strong contender, though.

[33:34] Yeah.

[33:35] It is surprising.

[33:36] Well, this is like I did this.

[33:37] So I was on the Screen Drafts podcast with Jordan Morris where they do like kind of this kind of brackets.

[33:42] Not brackets, but you draft things into a list of movies.

[33:45] And it was Supernatural Kids.

[33:47] And as we went through it, it seemed so clear to me that Kiki's Delivery Service was like the best movie about a supernatural kid.

[33:55] Like I just love that movie.

[33:57] There's something about Miyazaki is magic.

[33:58] You know, his movies are magic and they make the things that are in them seem really magical.

[34:01] There's something like Miyazaki understands the magic of like a package wrapped in paper with string tied around it or something like that.

[34:10] Or like a wooden cabin with like a hot teapot on an old stove or something like this.

[34:16] And it just makes everything seem really wonderful to be around even when it's – even when a bloody dragon is crashing through the windows of the bathhouse or three weird heads are just bouncing around going, roll, roll, roll.

[34:27] It still seems magical and really nice to be there.

[34:31] Even when some kind of ancient bioweapon is coming out of a mountain and scaring everybody, there's still something kind of like, well, I'd love to be there.

[34:40] That sounds really great.

Stuart Wellington

[34:41] Yeah.

[34:41] Even when you're an injured boy and there's this heron yelling at you, like it still seems nice.

[34:46] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[34:47] Even when you're designing aircraft for the Japanese Air Force before World War II, like it still, you know, still seems like a sweet place to be.

[34:55] Even when your mom is sick.

[34:58] Even when you're – well, but that's –

[34:59] You got a friend.

[35:00] You got a neighbor in that case.

[35:01] I mean, well, that's – I mean, that's also – that's the thing.

[35:04] Like that – Totoro is such a – it's such a fantastic movie and like – so like even when you're like running around looking for your missing sister and you're upset, like it's still like, oh, this seems like a great place to be.

[35:14] I really love this.

Dan McCoy

[35:14] Yeah, because you got to – you get to bounce on a big cat creature.

Elliott Kalan

[35:18] Yeah.

[35:18] And you get to ride in a bus that's a cat, you know, and in the end you get to visit your mom and she's going to be okay.

[35:23] What a good movie.

[35:23] All right, guys.

[35:25] It's too bad Totoro Land couldn't be in here because it's not really like a place.

[35:28] It's just –

[35:29] No.

[35:29] It's a state of mind.

[35:30] It's called Japan.

[35:31] No, it's not a fantasy place is what I mean.

[35:33] Oh, yeah.

[35:34] So let's go now to the semifinals.

[35:38] This is what's going to decide our final matchup of the episode and our first one.

[35:43] Oh, this is going to be a tough one, guys.

[35:45] The Star Wars universe versus Toontown.

[35:48] Where would you rather live?

[35:49] Would you rather live in the galaxy a long time ago in a far, far away – I kind of worded that weirdly – or Toontown, the place where funny ideas live and breathe?

Dan McCoy

[36:04] This is where finally the oppressive government comes into play because –

[36:10] Okay.

[36:10] Interesting.

[36:13] You know, like there's no equivalent danger in Toontown.

[36:17] There's talk of Toontown being demolished but that's staved off by the end of the film.

[36:21] And that's not the Toon's fault.

[36:23] That's not inherent to Toontown.

[36:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:24] I mean that is a Toon's fault.

[36:26] It is a Toon's fault.

[36:27] But that Toon has – like the pigs at the end of Animal Farm has kind of gone native with live action humans.

Dan McCoy

[36:33] But that's the sort of uncertainty about the future that I've learned to live with in my day-to-day life, you know?

[36:40] So I think I'm going to have to go with Toontown in this case.

[36:44] It's a surprise pick but –

Stuart Wellington

[36:45] I'm actually – this is a weird one.

[36:48] But I think – I feel like having the oppressive government will give me my life meaning.

[36:57] It'll give me something to fight against.

[36:59] Well, Stuart, have I got news for you?

[37:01] Oh, boy. Guess what? The opportunity is here.

[37:04] And I fight against it in the ways that I can.

[37:09] And I feel like the – I feel like Toontown is this chaotic thing that I can't necessarily add anything to.

[37:19] But it's a tough call.

[37:20] I think I'm going to go Star Wars.

Elliott Kalan

[37:22] Tough call.

[37:22] And it's hard.

[37:24] So I'm going to have to be the tiebreaker on this between Star Wars and Toontown.

[37:27] And it's tough because, again, Toontown is frenetic.

[37:31] You will never get a good night's sleep.

[37:33] That's for sure.

[37:34] Because your eyelids will always pop back up again like blinds that you've pulled down.

[37:39] Whereas Star Wars – I don't know.

[37:42] When I was a kid, I think I would have loved to have lived in the Star Wars world because it seems so exciting.

[37:48] And now when I watch the Star Wars movies, I do get more of a sense of like just the oppressiveness and the lack of – your life is entirely defined by the existence of the Empire, whether you are avoiding it or you're living in the kind of shadowy underworld that is the result of it.

[38:05] Where you are a – the only way to escape, it seems to be like a farmer off on a far-off planet somewhere where you're at least on the fringes of that.

[38:12] But even then, there's your local gangsters.

[38:13] It's an idea of the universe that is entirely about kind of sinister power taking hold.

[38:21] And even in the prequels when it's the Republic and it's supposed to – things are ostensibly maybe a little better.

[38:25] There's still a sense of a – like an exhaustedness of the universe, a lack of inspiration in the people of the universe.

[38:34] There's still a feeling of better times were always in the past.

[38:38] There was always a – when you're in – during the Empire.

Stuart Wellington

[38:40] Like the days of Darth Plagius the Wise.

Elliott Kalan

[38:43] Exactly.

[38:44] Yeah.

[38:44] When you're living under the Empire, you wish for the Old Republic.

[38:47] When you're living in the Old Republic, you're wishing for the Golden Age of the Jedi.

[38:50] And I feel like – I think living in a world that is like that now where people are always yearning for a past that maybe didn't actually really exist compared to the eternal now of Toontown where there is nothing but possibility, maybe too much possibility.

[39:04] But they really force you to live in the moment because if you don't, an anvil will fall on your head and crush you and flatten you down.

[39:10] There's something exciting about that.

[39:12] And so I'm going to pick Toontown.

[39:14] So I'm going to go behind Toontown.

[39:16] Real upset.

[39:17] That's a huge upset.

[39:18] A huge upset.

[39:19] Talk about IPs fighting each other.

[39:23] Luckily, Disney owns it all.

[39:24] So who will Toontown be up against in the final battle?

[39:28] Because there's only – there's only one thing.

[39:30] Is it the spirited away bathhouse or Middle Earth?

[39:35] Stuart, it's going to – you're going to have to – this is like cutting a baby in half for you.

[39:38] This is going to be hard.

[39:39] Yeah.

[39:39] Don't do that, by the way.

[39:40] This is Ellie Kalin endorsing not cutting babies in halves to solve arguments.

[39:43] Unless you're in Toontown.

Stuart Wellington

[39:44] Unless you're in Toontown.

[39:45] Then it'd be prime probably.

[39:46] Stuart, go for it.

[39:47] You go first in this one.

Elliott Kalan

[39:48] Middle Earth versus the spirited away bathhouse.

Stuart Wellington

[39:50] This is a really tough call.

[39:53] Stuart's thinking.

Elliott Kalan

[39:54] I feel like –

[39:56] You can see how difficult it is for him.

[39:57] It's written on his face.

[39:58] Yeah.

[39:59] I think I have to go Middle Earth.

[40:06] He's being true to himself, everybody.

[40:08] He's being true to himself.

[40:09] You can't fault him for that.

Dan McCoy

[40:10] You know, it seems like I'm just trying to create drama.

[40:13] But here, like the last matchup, here's where the danger of the world really like starts to come into play and flips things.

[40:21] Because as much as hobbity as my interests are, I feel like a world with that kind of violent danger in it versus a bathhouse where I just might be weirded out by some stuff.

[40:34] I got to go with a bathhouse.

Stuart Wellington

[40:36] At worst, you would have to be a worker at the bathhouse.

[40:39] And that, honestly, there's joy in that job.

[40:41] So I'm going to go spirited away.

Elliott Kalan

[40:43] But it's – so you're going to say spirited away.

[40:44] I think I'm going to – so it's a tie again.

[40:48] Middle Earth versus spirited away.

[40:51] I'm going to be Dan on this one.

[40:54] Dan of the past.

[40:55] I think despite the danger of Middle Earth, you could live a couple hundred years as a hobbit just maxing and relaxing, seeming to have no job whatsoever.

[41:06] So it's not even – the choice between bathhouse attendant and bathhouse guest, you don't have to worry about that.

[41:12] Because you know what?

[41:13] You can kind of be both when you're a hobbit.

[41:15] You can work for enjoyment and also enjoy as your work.

[41:21] And so I'm going to say Middle Earth, strangely enough, instead of the spirited away bathhouse.

[41:25] Even though the food in spirited away looks much better to me than the Middle Earth food.

[41:31] I do not want to eat whatever – like dry spice cakes or whatever they're eating.

[41:34] Like fucking Lemba's bread?

[41:35] I don't want it.

[41:36] As opposed to an endless Japanese food buffet?

[41:40] Yes, I would much rather have that.

[41:41] You don't just want to eat an uncooked fish?

[41:44] No.

[41:45] Or taters, precious?

[41:49] And so that brings us to our final matchup of the brackets.

[41:53] Which fantasy world would be the one that you guys will be living in?

[41:56] Because let's reveal how it works, folks.

[41:58] Whichever you choose, you will have to go living at the end of this show.

Stuart Wellington

[42:01] It would have been a wild matchup, by the way, Toontown versus spirited away.

Elliott Kalan

[42:06] I think it was – I couldn't have done it with two cartoons.

[42:09] I think it would be two – would be no – well, you know what?

[42:12] Should we do an upset audience?

[42:13] What do you think?

[42:14] No, no, no, no.

[42:14] Stick with the –

[42:15] Actually, as our side event, Toontown or the bathhouse, which would you guys live in?

[42:19] The bathhouse, right?

[42:20] Bathhouse.

[42:21] Yeah, for sure.

[42:22] Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[42:23] Would you rather live in Toontown from Roger Rabbit or Middle Earth from the Lord of the Rings

[42:28] movies and television shows and books?

[42:30] Which would you rather have?

[42:32] Again, the frenetic individual expression and excitement of Toontown or the living under

[42:39] a shadow of danger, but it's a little bit easier going.

[42:42] Yeah.

[42:42] Middle Earth.

Dan McCoy

[42:43] You put your finger right on it.

[42:45] For me, at this point, it's got to come down to vibes.

[42:49] You know, like the frenetic vibe versus pretty chill vibes considering everything that's going

[42:55] on.

[42:55] And I got to go with the chill vibes of Middle Earth.

Stuart Wellington

[42:58] Yeah, I'm going to ride around on my eagle friends and we're going to have all kinds

[43:02] of good times.

[43:03] It's got to be Middle Earth for me.

[43:05] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[43:05] So –

[43:05] Sorry, Toons.

[43:06] You're choosing Middle Earth.

[43:07] But you know what, guys?

[43:09] As is my prerogative as the games master today –

[43:12] You're sending us straight to hell.

[43:14] Yeah, exactly.

[43:15] You get to go to the – you just unlocked the lament configuration.

[43:18] Uh-oh.

Stuart Wellington

[43:19] I always knew that was going to happen.

Elliott Kalan

[43:20] What if that was one of the – I should have put that in one of the fantasy worlds as

[43:22] the Cenobite dimension.

Stuart Wellington

[43:24] See if you guys want to stay there.

[43:25] I'm like –

[43:25] They have such things to show you.

[43:27] Kind of.

[43:27] I want to – they keep saying there's things.

[43:29] I want to see it.

[43:30] Do you think Pinhead's ever like, nobody ever wants to see our things.

Elliott Kalan

[43:34] We just want to show them our things.

[43:35] They get mad.

Dan McCoy

[43:37] Pinhead, can I just have the horny stuff without the barbed wire?

Elliott Kalan

[43:40] No.

[43:40] They're two sides of the same coin.

[43:42] The thin line between pain and pleasure.

[43:44] Nobody ever wants to play my games with me.

[43:47] I'm going to say, guys, yeah, so Middle Earth is the winner.

[43:50] But that being said, that's the great thing about human imagination is we can go wherever

[43:54] we want in these fantasy worlds.

[43:55] So why don't – Stu, Dan, me, I paid for us each to have a session of hot tubbing, massage,

[44:02] and endless Japanese food at the Spirited Away Bathhouse.

[44:06] So as we go and disrobe and get towels on and hang out with a bunch of frogs and yokai

[44:10] and things like that, I'll just say thank you for joining us today to our listeners as

[44:15] we decide that Middle Earth, I guess, is the – specifically the Shire, Hobbit Town,

[44:19] is the place that we want to live the most of all these fantasy worlds.

[44:23] The world we live in is unfortunately not a fantasy, but maybe we can do things to make

[44:26] it a little better than it was before.

[44:28] It may never be perfect, but we can make it better.

[44:31] Thank you so much for listening.

[44:32] We are a product of the Maximum Fun Network.

[44:34] We're either an associate of it.

[44:36] They don't produce it.

[44:37] We do.

[44:38] We are produced, in fact, by Alex Smith, our producer and editor.

[44:41] He goes by Howell Doughty online.

[44:43] And check out his comedy and music.

[44:45] He's an immensely talented individual.

[44:46] We're lucky to have him in our lives.

[44:48] If you want to try other MaxFun podcasts, I would advise you to.

[44:52] I think they're great.

[44:53] The MaxFun Drive is coming up next month, and that's your time to show your support.

[44:57] And we appreciate ahead of time that you're doing that.

[45:00] Until then, we'll be back next week with another movie to talk about as we – but we'll be

[45:05] super relaxed because we spent all that time at the Spirited Away bathhouse and then hung

[45:09] out in our hobbit hole just eating spice cakes.

[45:12] And what kind of bread was it, Stuart?

[45:13] Limbus.

[45:14] Limbus bread.

[45:15] I'm not Stuart, but I was closer to the microphone.

[45:17] No, you're Stuart now.

[45:18] You answered to his call.

[45:19] Now you're Stuart.

[45:20] Oh, wow.

[45:21] Creepy Riley.

[45:22] Until next time, I'm Elliot Kalin.

Stuart Wellington

[45:26] I've been Dan McCoy.

[45:27] I'm still Stewie Wellington.

[45:31] Or did we switch?

[45:32] See ya.

FH Mini #149 - Fantasy Land March Madness

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