FH Mini 33 - Elliott Explains The Eternals

[0:00] Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Flophouse. My name is Elliot Kaelin, and I'm going to

[0:10] be your pilot tonight on a journey into interstellar space and into the depths of one of the most

[0:15] creative minds that maybe there ever was. Joining me on this special voyage are, as

[0:21] always, my co-pilots, their names being, fill in your names now, guys.

[0:25] Dan McCloy.

[0:27] Stuart Wellington.

[0:28] Well, a harsh lampoon of Dan McCloy.

[0:32] I'm wondering about this voice that you're doing.

[0:34] Is this supposed to be a comforting pilot?

[0:37] Is that the kind of the vibe you're going for?

[0:39] This is the way I talk now.

[0:40] Like a Rod Serling, Sterling, Serling?

[0:44] Guys, I discovered true peace and happiness, and this is just how I talk now.

[0:48] It's called drugs, and it is really taking the edge off.

[0:52] I could have told you a long time ago.

[0:54] I didn't know you were interested.

[0:56] No, guys, I was just trying to start off with not in my normal hyperactive manner, because

[1:02] I'm going to need to save that energy for this episode tonight.

[1:04] That's real quick, guys.

[1:05] Real quick, Elliot, the drugs you took, can you check the package and make sure it's not

[1:09] like a brain dead situation and it's accidentally like an Elliot stimulant?

[1:14] Well, it didn't come in a package.

[1:15] A worm that jacks into your brain.

[1:17] No, that's brain damage.

[1:19] But if it's a worm that jacks into your brain, that's pretty cool, too.

[1:23] Yeah, that's pretty awesome.

[1:24] Anyway, this is a mini episode.

[1:27] Normally on The Flophouse, we watch a bad movie, then we talk about it.

[1:30] Sometimes the movie is not that bad.

[1:31] Sometimes the movie is very bad.

[1:33] But tonight, we didn't watch a movie.

[1:35] No, no, it's a mini episode.

[1:36] So it's our time to do whatever we want.

[1:38] And you're just strapped in.

[1:40] You got to follow us like hostages in your ears.

[1:43] So you're hostages to our stuff tonight.

[1:46] I'm not sure about this new branding for the minis, but we can keep rolling.

[1:51] Hey, so here's how the minis work now.

[1:54] It's the audio equivalent of putting a hood over your head and shoving you in a van.

[1:57] You're just with us, you know.

[1:58] And, you know, you could you could turn off your podcast player.

[2:01] But then the next time a T-shirt comes out referencing a popular bit

[2:04] that you might miss that was featured in this mini,

[2:08] quite a fool.

[2:09] You can be so mad when you don't know what that T-shirt means.

[2:12] It's going to wreck you.

[2:13] You're going to rue it to the end of your days.

[2:15] But don't worry, you're already listening.

[2:16] That's why you heard all this.

[2:17] So you're still with us tonight.

[2:19] I'm going to answer.

[2:21] Tonight, I'm going to give Dan and Stuart a little explainer

[2:24] and answer all their questions about that's right.

[2:26] M to the E, M to the E, M, M, M, M, M to the E Marvel's Eternals.

[2:30] That's right, everybody.

[2:32] We're finally going to be explaining what the hell the Eternals are.

[2:35] The subject of the next is the tentpole of what?

[2:39] Phase eight, phase nine of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

[2:43] That's right.

[2:44] When's it coming out, Elliot?

[2:45] Because, you know, Black Widow obviously delayed, but only coming out

[2:51] this coming this weekend.

[2:54] Eternals will be coming out November 5th in the United States.

[2:57] All over the world. I don't know when.

[2:59] So it's a big Thanksgiving time release.

[3:01] And when you hear about the movie,

[3:03] you're going to know why they're releasing it in Thanksgiving,

[3:04] because a time when people don't really go out to see the movies very much.

[3:09] It could be a good movie.

[3:10] I don't know.

[3:11] But I'm going to I'm going to bring you into my thesis that the Eternals are

[3:15] perhaps the least fan loved characters in the history of Marvel Comics.

[3:20] Should we should we give you a little foundation

[3:23] of what Dan and I know about Marvel's Eternals?

[3:25] Great idea. I was just going to ask exactly that.

[3:26] What do you guys know about the Eternals there?

[3:28] Again, these are the subjects of a huge movie that's coming out,

[3:31] directed by an Academy Award winning director and starring big name stars.

[3:35] What do you know about the Eternals?

[3:38] I know that Kumail Nanjiani got so jacked for the upcoming movie.

[3:44] He looks amazing.

[3:45] And is Angelina Jolie in the movie?

[3:48] She is also in the movie. Yes.

[3:49] That's all I know.

[3:50] So I know a couple of casting things and nothing about the characters.

[3:53] So, you know, that Kumail Nanjiani, of course, plays the famous character Kingo.

[3:57] And and is that character known for being super jacked?

[4:01] No, he's actually known for being Japanese.

[4:03] So it's interesting that they cast Kumail Nanjiani.

[4:06] But he he is.

[4:07] So Kumail's character is a movie star who is a member of the Eternals,

[4:11] much like in the comics, Kingo's.

[4:12] And Angelina Jolie is, of course, playing the famous character,

[4:14] Athena, who, Dan, you know, is the daughter of Zorris.

[4:19] Oh, of course, Zorris.

[4:21] What's he up to these days?

[4:22] So that's the extent of what you're familiar with.

[4:23] The Eternals is two of the stars that are in the movie.

[4:28] Yeah, I don't even think I could remember any other.

[4:31] So what did you guys did you see?

[4:33] Did you see the trailer?

[4:34] I definitely watched the trailer at least once.

[4:36] But I have I have another question.

[4:38] So I saw J.K. Simmons in a movie recently and he was super jacked.

[4:43] Yes. Was he getting super jacked because he's got to play J.J.

[4:46] on a Jameson again?

[4:48] I think he was getting super jacked because him and Kumail, he and Kumail

[4:51] are gym buddies.

[4:52] And it's kind of like you get jacked and I'll get jacked rep for rep.

[4:54] We're going to do this together.

[4:56] Whenever one of us is flagging, the other one is going to buck up their spirits.

[4:59] And that's how you get it done.

[5:00] Do not touch that fucking bar until the last possible minute.

[5:03] You got to let me do the full pump.

[5:06] Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

[5:08] Just believe in me and I'll believe in you.

[5:10] That was their motto.

[5:11] So, guys, let me tell you about the Eternals, OK?

[5:13] I'm not going to start with more about the about the cast,

[5:17] although a huge, huge cast.

[5:19] It's they it's the most diverse cast in a in a Marvel movie,

[5:22] which is interesting, considering that the Eternals themselves are based

[5:26] in a sort of pseudo Nazi typhic

[5:29] racist science, which we'll get into. OK.

[5:32] So let me just explain the introduction.

[5:34] So the Eternals, just to break it down as simply as possible,

[5:37] they're a group of nearly immortal godlike beings created by even more

[5:41] godlike beings as an experiment in ancient times.

[5:44] And even though they're ancient and eternal and massively powerful,

[5:47] they tend to not show up when things happen

[5:51] because they are possibly the most boring characters ever created by Jack Kirby.

[5:56] And there is yet to be a successful revival of them.

[5:58] Let's talk about Jack Kirby for a second.

[5:59] You guys are familiar with Jack Kirby, right?

[6:01] Dan, Stu, tell me what you know about Jacob Kurtzberg.

[6:03] Jack Kirby, right?

[6:05] Jack King Kirby, the king of comics. What do you know about him?

[6:07] He's the isn't he the one who got

[6:10] kind of super psychedelic later on?

[6:13] Or or am I getting confused with Ditko again?

[6:15] No, no. I mean, they they both got a little.

[6:17] I mean, Ditko got super Randian and Jack Kirby's work became more psychedelic.

[6:23] But it was like it was more like Jack Kirby was finally letting out

[6:26] the psychedelia that had been in his mind since the 1930s.

[6:29] Right. And and Kirby is the, you know, the co-creator

[6:32] of of many of the huge Marvel characters.

[6:36] Yes. Yeah, that's what I know about Jack.

[6:39] He draws very distinctive hands and he does like energy clouds

[6:43] in the background that have like little spots in them.

[6:46] It's called Kirby Crackle. Yeah.

[6:47] Yep. He he was obviously a huge influence

[6:51] on my first ever favorite comic book artist, Eric Larson.

[6:55] Yes, very much so. Yeah.

[6:56] There's a there's a well, let's say Jack Kirby is arguably

[6:59] the most creative mind in Marvel Comics history.

[7:01] And without him, without his work with Stanley, you don't have the Marvel

[7:04] universe and you don't have the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

[7:06] Just look at all the characters in the movies he created or co-created.

[7:09] Rather, Captain America, Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, Loki, Bucky,

[7:14] not the version of Bucky that's in the movies, but the original version, Bucky

[7:17] Black Panther, Nick Fury, Ant-Man, not the version of Ant-Man that's in the movies,

[7:21] but the Michael Douglas character version of Ant-Man, Scarlet Witch, Wasp,

[7:25] Quicksilver, Agatha Harkness from the Scarlet Witch TV show.

[7:29] And that's not counting the X-Men.

[7:31] Agatha all along, right?

[7:32] What? Agatha all along.

[7:34] It was Agatha all along, it turned out.

[7:36] And I feel like they didn't really play fair by then showing you scenes

[7:39] that implied that if you went back and watched, you'd see Agatha

[7:41] like winking at the camera.

[7:42] And that didn't really happen.

[7:44] But interesting take.

[7:46] Interesting take.

[7:48] Only because I heard people going like, oh, I didn't pick up the clues.

[7:51] And I was like, guys, I don't think there were any clues.

[7:54] If anything, your clue is that she is second

[7:57] like she's third build and doesn't seem to be doing much.

[8:01] Yeah, that's true.

[8:02] The clue is that she's Catherine Han and she's amazing.

[8:04] So you got to do something with her.

[8:06] So let's just say Jack Kirby is comics ultimate ideas, man.

[8:10] Let's go back to the year 1970.

[8:12] OK, guys, Richard Nixon's in the White House.

[8:15] Everybody's doing the Lindy Hop.

[8:18] The what else is going on?

[8:19] 1970 Star Wars was yet to happen.

[8:21] And Jurassic Park was even farther in the future.

[8:24] And Jack Kirby, he gets fed up with Marvel Comics.

[8:26] He's been there for a while.

[8:27] He goes over to DC Comics and he creates the fourth world

[8:30] New Gods characters, a sprawling, somewhat standalone cosmic epic.

[8:34] It's not totally standalone in that it comes out of the Jack,

[8:37] the Jimmy Olsen comic, but somewhat standalone.

[8:40] That was almost made into an Ava DuVernay movie recently.

[8:43] And then it fell apart.

[8:44] But you know what?

[8:45] Jack Kirby, he's not happy at DC either.

[8:47] So in the mid 70s, he comes back to Marvel and he tries another stand

[8:52] somewhat standalone cosmic epic called the Eternals.

[8:55] And I think it's fair to say I'm a huge fan of Jack Kirby.

[8:58] I'm a huge fan of his work in the 60s and in the early 70s.

[9:01] And even some of the late 70s stuff.

[9:03] This was this was this was the time of what you would call late period Kirby

[9:07] when he was doing things like Devil Dinosaur,

[9:09] which was a series about a cave boy, a half human, half ape cave boy

[9:13] and a red Tyrannosaurus that encountered like he would encounter

[9:17] like a computer that turned out to be God that created the Garden of Eden.

[9:20] Or there would be a whole issue where a giant with a triceratops

[9:23] head as a mask would be just hurling trees at things.

[9:28] A lot of good stuff.

[9:29] This is this is kind of like somewhat around Omak era Jack Kirby,

[9:32] where for DC he was making character who had a super huge

[9:35] mohawk and was the one man army for the future.

[9:38] Eternals, not his most energized.

[9:40] This is a series that runs for 19 issues and one annual.

[9:42] Since then, there has never been an eternal series that ran for more than 12 issues.

[9:46] I think we're going to figure out why when I tell you who the Eternals are.

[9:49] OK, guys, buckle up.

[9:50] We've seen the historical.

[9:52] Are you ready to find out what it's what Jack Kirby would do

[9:54] when he was not quite firing on all cylinders?

[9:56] Yes, please. OK, so.

[10:00] You familiar with a little book called Chariot of the Gods?

[10:04] Is that the one that like was like,

[10:06] oh, ancient Egyptians were aliens?

[10:09] Yeah, well, yeah, Chariot of the Gods.

[10:11] It was this kind of 70s pseudoscience,

[10:13] let's call it trash,

[10:15] that said that ancient peoples

[10:16] were not smart enough to make pyramids

[10:18] because how could they be?

[10:18] They were not European white people.

[10:20] And so it must be that aliens visited them

[10:22] and taught them how to make pyramids,

[10:23] which is kind of crazy since like,

[10:25] if you give a kid blocks,

[10:27] they'll figure out how to make a pyramid.

[10:28] This is not exactly an Infinite Monkeys,

[10:30] Infinite Typewriters scenario

[10:32] where it like just the odds create it,

[10:33] like pyramids are easy to create.

[10:35] But in the 70s,

[10:36] people thought pyramids were very difficult.

[10:37] That was the time when-

[10:39] That's more exciting to imagine

[10:40] there's a Stargate somewhere.

[10:42] Exactly.

[10:43] Where the Gua Wul can make you build their ship.

[10:45] Yeah, so-

[10:48] I mean, the concept of pyramids is easy to come up with.

[10:51] Let's not downplay the difficulty

[10:54] of the building of the pyramids.

[10:57] That's true.

[10:58] Is there any other type of building

[10:59] where people were like,

[11:00] I don't know how they figured this out.

[11:02] It must be aliens, like castles.

[11:04] People seem to figure out how to do that.

[11:06] Like towers?

[11:07] Yeah, people can do that.

[11:08] So what is it about pyramids

[11:09] that's suddenly so difficult

[11:11] that it can only be because an alien came down?

[11:13] They're so pointy, Elliot.

[11:15] The thing is the South American pyramids

[11:16] are not pointy, Dan.

[11:17] They're quite blunt at the top.

[11:20] Anyway, what I'm saying is-

[11:22] The blunt point.

[11:23] What I'm saying is Jack Kirby,

[11:25] very much not racist,

[11:26] perhaps one of the least racist people ever

[11:28] to work in mainstream comic books in the 1960s.

[11:31] And yet, the Eternals has kind of baked in

[11:35] with some very racist ideas,

[11:36] not the least of which is this chariots of the gods stuff,

[11:39] where it's the idea of ancient aliens coming down

[11:41] and teaching like the Aztecs

[11:43] how to build pyramids and things like that.

[11:44] Okay, so here's the story of the Eternals.

[11:47] Okay, but here's the thing about Jack Kirby.

[11:49] He would kind of take whatever was going on around him

[11:51] and throw it in a big stew pot

[11:52] and stir it up and be like, here's your comics.

[11:55] And that's why his stuff is amazing

[11:57] because it was just kind of like any idea

[11:58] that fell into his ears,

[11:59] he would just throw into this big idea stew pot.

[12:01] So in prehistoric times-

[12:04] This has been so much buildup in this episode already.

[12:06] I feel like I'm still waiting

[12:07] to get to the Mortal Kombat tournament.

[12:09] Okay, well, no, I'm sorry.

[12:12] Okay, so here's the story of the Eternals.

[12:14] It's ancient times, prehistoric even.

[12:17] There's no people.

[12:18] There's just hominids, just kind of cave ape people.

[12:21] The earth is visited by ancient beings

[12:24] called the Celestials, mysterious aliens in 60-foot armor

[12:28] that conceals their entire-

[12:29] Well, they're 60-foot aliens.

[12:30] That's why the armor is so tall.

[12:31] That conceals their entire bodies and it looks amazing.

[12:35] Like the Celestials characters look gorgeous

[12:37] and they're the reason anyone brings back the Eternals

[12:39] because the Celestials,

[12:40] they're these super tall, mysterious aliens.

[12:43] They don't talk.

[12:44] All their heads look like coffee pots or like trash cans.

[12:47] Like they have amazing helmets

[12:49] and huge hands that they use

[12:51] to give the thumbs down all the time.

[12:53] If you can imagine God-like alien beings

[12:56] that can only communicate using thumbs up or thumbs down,

[12:59] that's the Celestials.

[13:00] That was the original binary, Elliot.

[13:03] That's true, yeah.

[13:05] And they do not have a thumb in the middle.

[13:06] That is, Celestials are hot and cold.

[13:09] And I think the only reason the Eternals

[13:10] were ever folded into the Marvel universe eventually

[13:12] is because the Celestials look so cool.

[13:14] So they're great.

[13:15] They are objectively the best thing about this story.

[13:17] So they come to the earth in waves known as hosts.

[13:19] The first host was about a million years ago

[13:22] and they take furry cavemen and experiment on them

[13:24] to create two races,

[13:26] the Eternals who are good and beautiful

[13:29] because according to the comics,

[13:30] they have stable genetics

[13:32] and the Deviants who have unstable genetics.

[13:35] And every generation they mutate and look different

[13:38] and are not white and blonde.

[13:40] And so they're ugly demons

[13:41] who are always trying to conquer the earth.

[13:42] So basically this is, and again, this is Jack Kirby,

[13:44] who like, if you go on Twitter,

[13:46] everyone's like, Jack Kirby,

[13:47] he would say to punch a fascist in the face.

[13:48] Him being like some real like blood purity,

[13:51] superior race type stuff, which is not great.

[13:54] Again, not to say he's racist,

[13:55] it's just ideas falling into the Jack Kirby stew pot.

[13:57] The Jack Kirby stew pot, again,

[13:58] what I would recommend if you go to

[14:00] the Marvel restaurant chain

[14:02] that I'm sure will exist at some point.

[14:04] Yeah.

[14:05] So, sorry, setting aside the racial implications

[14:09] for just a moment.

[14:09] I didn't mean to cut off your stew pot rant

[14:11] if there was better stuff to go.

[14:12] I was gonna come up with some other dishes

[14:13] at this Marvel restaurant,

[14:14] but continue, what were you gonna say?

[14:16] Okay.

[14:17] Well, maybe you can think about it

[14:18] when you circle back.

[14:20] Setting aside the-

[14:21] Well, I know there's gonna be something called

[14:23] dick fajitas, which are like fajitas

[14:25] that are Steve Ditko influenced.

[14:27] So like when you eat them,

[14:28] your hands have to be in weird poses.

[14:29] Yeah.

[14:30] Okay.

[14:34] So my question is, setting aside-

[14:36] I'm not done yet, but what's your question?

[14:38] The horrible like sort of racial implications,

[14:42] like what is, why would these beings be like,

[14:47] okay, we gotta create some good creatures

[14:50] and then some evil creatures.

[14:52] Like, are they playing a board game?

[14:59] They would say, the comics I think are always like,

[15:01] oh, well, the Celestials experiment

[15:03] for mysterious purposes.

[15:04] So mysterious, we can never know them.

[15:07] But then it turns out,

[15:09] but then the comics come up with different explanations,

[15:11] but then they always go back to like,

[15:12] oh, they're so mysterious,

[15:13] we can never even comprehend it

[15:15] for their own mysterious, silent needs.

[15:17] Oh, these God-like beings, when like,

[15:20] and it's a little bit like Galactus,

[15:22] where he starts off and he's this amazing God-like being,

[15:25] and the more they use him,

[15:25] the more he just becomes like the biggest dude

[15:27] in the neighborhood, you know,

[15:28] and they're bumping into him all the time

[15:30] and then killing him off,

[15:31] and then he comes back and things like that.

[15:32] Anyway, so to answer your question,

[15:34] there's no real set reason,

[15:35] but a lot of times it's just to like,

[15:37] the Eternals are just supposed to be there

[15:38] around to like protect Celestials.

[15:40] In the Earth X series,

[15:41] it's posited that there's a Celestial seed or egg

[15:44] in the center of the Earth,

[15:45] and that superheroes were created to defend this

[15:49] from aliens who want it,

[15:50] from Galactus who want to eat it or something.

[15:52] Anyway, continue.

[15:53] Burrito-ny Stark.

[15:56] How about that?

[15:56] No, no, no.

[15:57] Burrito-ny Stark.

[15:58] No, the dishes are based on the creators,

[16:01] not on the characters, on the creators.

[16:03] Sorry, sorry.

[16:04] Well, now I gotta go back to the drawing board.

[16:05] Your host is dressed like Stan Lee.

[16:08] Anyway, and you get the Stan Leek soup.

[16:10] That's a leek soup, like a classic Welsh leek soup,

[16:12] but it comes with a mustache and sunglasses on it.

[16:16] That's what makes it about Stan Lee.

[16:18] There's also like the John Buscemi.

[16:21] That comes from the stall called Stew Believers.

[16:24] Thank you.

[16:25] There's the John Buscemi scrambled eggs.

[16:27] That's the John Buscemi scrambled eggs.

[16:28] That's for their breakfast.

[16:30] Yeah, sure, and so forth.

[16:32] There's the, well, I'll think of somewhere later.

[16:35] You guys feel free to think of something too.

[16:38] So guys, the first host came

[16:40] and it turned people into Eternals and Deviants.

[16:43] Meanwhile, regular old human beings,

[16:45] they're evolving too.

[16:45] 20,000 years ago, the Celestials come back.

[16:48] They were busy for a while.

[16:49] They finally came back to check on the experiment.

[16:51] The second host arrives.

[16:52] They find that the Deviants,

[16:54] they just took over the whole world.

[16:55] While the Eternals were just sitting up

[16:56] on a mountain somewhere,

[16:58] the Deviants took over the whole world.

[17:00] The Celestials comes down and the Deviants are like,

[17:01] well, we're the best now.

[17:03] The Celestials respond

[17:04] by destroying the Deviants' whole civilization.

[17:06] They sink their continent of Lemuria under the seas.

[17:08] Now they live underground.

[17:11] And later on, there's this stuff added about

[17:12] where they worship this one Celestial that went bad

[17:15] and was living under the earth

[17:16] and is sleeping and all sorts of stuff.

[17:18] Now, you may be asking yourself,

[17:19] okay, didn't Marvel Comics already have the Inhumans,

[17:23] which were a race of mysterious, super-proud people

[17:26] that live in the mountains

[17:27] and were created when the Kree came to Earth

[17:29] and experimented on cavemen?

[17:31] Yes.

[17:32] I was gonna say that.

[17:32] You're right.

[17:33] It's the same thing.

[17:34] It's the exact same thing.

[17:35] And the same guy created both of them.

[17:38] He's serving kind of like leftover stew at this point.

[17:41] But do any of the Eternals have cool powers like Black Bolt?

[17:46] Let's get into that, shall we?

[17:47] Black Bolt, of course, as everyone knows,

[17:49] is the Inhuman who cannot speak

[17:51] because his voice is so powerful

[17:52] that even a whisper can knock down mountains.

[17:54] The Inhumans, they all have their own powers.

[17:56] Every podcaster's fantasy.

[17:59] When really, it's just Joe Rogan that can do that.

[18:02] So the Inhumans, Medusa's got a crazy hair

[18:04] that can grab things, Triton is a fish man.

[18:08] Karnak can see the weaknesses in things

[18:11] and hit them with karate chops so that they fall down.

[18:14] There's Gorgon who's got hoof feet that are really strong

[18:16] and he stamps on stuff.

[18:17] They've all got great powers.

[18:18] They're amazing.

[18:19] Is Lockjaw one of the Inhumans?

[18:20] Lockjaw is a dog that can teleport

[18:22] because he has a tuning fork on his forehead

[18:24] and he's a huge dog.

[18:25] Let's take a minute away from the Eternals,

[18:27] talk about Lockjaw.

[18:28] Lockjaw is one of the most amazing Marvel characters

[18:30] and it's too bad that,

[18:31] and I think one of the reasons Marvel is doing the Eternals

[18:33] is because they screwed up the Inhumans so badly

[18:35] with their TV show.

[18:36] Lockjaw is apparently,

[18:38] is one of those things that really tests

[18:39] the believability of a Marvel concept

[18:41] because he's an enormous dog.

[18:43] He's a dog the size of a small elephant

[18:45] and he's constantly drooling and he can teleport anywhere.

[18:48] You gotta look up Lockjaw, he's amazing.

[18:51] And he has a little tuning fork on his head

[18:53] that matches his master Black Bolt's tuning fork

[18:55] on his head.

[18:56] And it's just like,

[18:57] Jack Kirby was just like,

[18:58] yeah, they've got a super powered dog.

[18:59] What of it?

[19:00] Oh, look at that dog.

[19:02] He's got a big tongue

[19:02] and he looks like a dog with a mustache.

[19:04] Like he's amazing.

[19:05] He's a great character.

[19:07] There's a reason he has had his own series.

[19:09] He, at this point,

[19:10] I think Lockjaw might've starred in as many comics

[19:11] as the Eternals have starred in.

[19:13] So give Lockjaw a movie.

[19:14] Anyway, let's talk about the Eternals characters.

[19:16] They've been living up at the polarized caps

[19:17] every now and then.

[19:19] They live forever, pretty much.

[19:21] Every now and then they appear before normal humans

[19:24] and become the basis for all of our myths.

[19:26] Oh boy, that's right.

[19:28] Their names kind of sound like God.

[19:30] It's that old saw, that old jigsaw.

[19:32] So you got guys like Icarus.

[19:35] He's super strong.

[19:36] He can fly.

[19:37] He probably can shoot lasers and things like that.

[19:40] And obviously, and he's Icarus.

[19:42] So that's where that comes from.

[19:43] Then there's Cersei.

[19:45] She's like the seductive party girl of the Eternals.

[19:47] And she has the power to like,

[19:49] turn things into other things.

[19:50] So remember when Cersei and the Odyssey

[19:52] turned all those guys into pigs?

[19:53] Guess what?

[19:54] Cersei in the comics does that too.

[19:56] Oh boy.

[19:58] There's Macari, who.

[20:00] run real fast and he's obsessed with running really fast and he was the inspiration for

[20:03] mercury

[20:04] uh... there's a jack who's super strong at least ajax house and house mccurry

[20:08] spelled

[20:09] expelled and a k k a r i

[20:12] okay so pretty similar to a gas column agaric trackers uh... banner grot

[20:16] mccurry

[20:17] who's insanely lucky buddies a pretty cool dude and of itself that's more

[20:22] ever forty thousands okay because of this is where i'm talking about the

[20:24] journals and i couldn't understand half of what that lesson

[20:28] so you have to be bested me sir

[20:30] uh... hey i'd sorry i found out a little bit earlier so guess i was a little is

[20:36] uh... isn't work war boss of the golf clan and he is known for laying waste to

[20:41] the imperial world armageddon

[20:43] sounds a little bit off with commissary arik

[20:46] he cut off the arts arm but that is not the art no no no he's too much of a

[20:50] badass

[20:50] so he then uses laser on her guests do you have uh... we will talk about

[20:55] but i don't know what i was

[20:57] yet to get the actual question though was uh...

[21:01] chris

[21:02] claremont rejected used it didn't say that was that

[21:06] claremont rejected i mean

[21:08] dish i mean that could be useful

[21:10] and ingredients are repeated i think i have like that about

[21:13] i'd like an x-men mutant cheese plate like that would be great to have on the

[21:17] issue are yeah i can see that

[21:20] and like that yet

[21:21] what else but i think this is the sound of the nexus characters and he says he

[21:25] didn't do you say swiss claremont cheeses of swiss claremont is even

[21:29] better than chris claremont arrayed and there's also

[21:32] jim brie

[21:33] uh... you go with that i think that

[21:36] so anyway

[21:36] uh... so if anyone else like the fans feel free to get on get on the hook get

[21:40] on the horn goes up or

[21:42] so i don't know

[21:43] for shortwave radio tell us some more marvel restaurant food

[21:47] anyway guys let's talk so

[21:49] let's just we're getting to the end of the of the background on this so they

[21:52] all there's all these stories about like in in the original journal story there

[21:55] was like a yes that's what i told play-doh

[21:58] when i met with up with him or they're like uh... the aztec gods that you have

[22:01] to be these internals

[22:02] or hey when i went to egypt and i thought about how to fix as a joke

[22:06] the leader of the journals

[22:07] it's a serious that's right

[22:08] and he's the leader mainly because he figured out how these rules can combine

[22:11] themselves into the human mind

[22:13] a giant cosmic brain

[22:15] with superpowers now

[22:16] again this reminds you of how the forever people a previous jack Kirby

[22:19] series can combine to become infinity man

[22:22] very similar

[22:23] uh... and

[22:25] here and anyway who becomes the january man that's kevin klein right

[22:30] a spoiler alert

[22:32] way actually the january man i guess is the killer in that

[22:35] yeah it's not going to happen

[22:36] wait kevin klein isn't the killer though

[22:38] because if he was he would have just spoiled that whole thing

[22:43] the january man is and i watched that like this year

[22:47] it's probably like clancy brown or

[22:51] probably yeah or chow yun fat some killer

[22:53] but uh...

[22:56] i'm always that's a movie that i see it on amazon prime

[22:59] and i'm like

[23:00] okay i'll watch this wait am i really about to watch the january man so i've

[23:03] never seen it because i can't quite pull the trigger on it

[23:08] you know i was like oh you know i love kevin klein i love him in his sort of like

[23:11] shaggy semi-comic mode and uh... you know it's uh... it's got a great cast

[23:18] otherwise susan strand marylizabeth master antonio

[23:21] hybrid kate uh... then i a l a rod steiger reading the imdb provider

[23:26] alan rickman are you reading the back of the novelization that's on here he's

[23:30] reading the back of this the box of january man o's serial john patrick

[23:33] shanley uh... screenplay

[23:36] oh wow writer and director of your favorite movie uh... when the whistle

[23:40] blows what was it the uh... you know it

[23:43] with the blarney

[23:44] falls off the shamrock

[23:48] it's called doing the shamrock shake

[23:50] so is

[23:51] the january man the sequel to the weatherman

[23:56] no no january man is a guy who's bitten by a radioactive january january jones

[24:01] that is

[24:01] and now he has all the powers of january jones which is to be really really good

[24:05] in the three burials of milky anastasia not so much in the other things that

[24:09] yeah but you know it's i guess she just needs us a solid director like timely

[24:12] jones uh... pointing in the right direction

[24:15] uh...

[24:16] sores he creates the in mind that's that that's a background

[24:19] the original eternal story

[24:21] is the story about the fourth host uh... led by erish in the judge

[24:25] they are coming to earth

[24:26] to see if birth is worthy of not being destroyed if the experiment

[24:30] and icarus having taken the name ike harris

[24:34] uh... is in love with an archaeologist daughter and he spends a lot of that

[24:36] series

[24:37] hanging out with us archaeologist his daughter and be like a this stuff that

[24:40] you thought was just a just civilizations it's got some things and

[24:43] i'm excited to know some like angel heart level shit right there but it

[24:46] movement and how could you crack that code

[24:49] meanwhile the other girls to send one around using the real names and hangin

[24:52] and just hangin out

[24:53] like cersei just calls herself cersei and was like a green bathing suit

[24:56] ever she doesn't

[24:57] uh... they're always fighting the deviants led by i think his name is king

[25:00] toad

[25:01] and uh... the world already already very interested in king toad yeah i think

[25:05] that is

[25:06] my ears perk right up he's like a big fat frogs head with little arms and

[25:10] legs i don't know how it is one of the deviants yeah i think it's good

[25:14] and i think it's called t o d e uh...

[25:17] uh... to give you a taste of what the original eternal comics are like i put

[25:20] together two passages that i think get across

[25:22] the clash of styles that uh... that jack kirby is kind of struggling with your

[25:27] this is a line from issue number four

[25:29] from a narrative caption

[25:30] erish m

[25:31] leader of the fourth host stands like a mountain above the inca ruins

[25:35] his face is hidden but his eyes see everything that lives in this world

[25:38] they are the eyes of a judge

[25:40] even as his hands are those of a destroyer

[25:42] when mankind discovers erish m it will find itself against overwhelming total

[25:45] power

[25:46] with two exclamation points at the end

[25:48] and now here's here's a line from issue five cersei is calling to makari through

[25:51] her communicator device

[25:54] mirror mirror on the wall who's the most juvenile of all and makari says that's

[25:57] funky corn cersei

[26:01] that's uh...

[26:03] that's funky what?

[26:05] that's funky corn cersei

[26:06] uh... that is funky corn

[26:08] so as you can tell the eternals have really kept up with the modern slang and

[26:11] they're really doing it right now

[26:14] none of these characters have that much personality the only eternals that really

[26:18] have a lot of personality are two deviants one called the reject

[26:20] who's called that because he is handsome

[26:22] and so the deviants don't like him and he's angry at the world because he just

[26:25] wants to be a deviant and he hates that he's so handsome

[26:28] and this guy carcass k-a-r-k-a-s-t look him up

[26:31] he's a big red dude who wears metal pants and has a huge head and like

[26:35] tyrannosaurus rex hands and he's actually very nice even though he's a deviant and

[26:39] he becomes friends with the eternals they're the best characters

[26:42] carcass better be in the movie he's a crazy design

[26:47] and there's also a bad eternal name like druig who's basically what you'd expect

[26:49] from a bad guy named druig so

[26:52] guys i just told you all about the eternals

[26:54] oh my god sorry i just saw carcass

[26:58] dan paint a word picture for the listener what's carcass like

[27:01] uh carcass is kind of like uh if there was like

[27:05] a potato like a red potato okay like a russet potato yeah

[27:10] and um that potato had kind of like a little sort of like

[27:16] i don't know like a great ape like a gorilla face

[27:20] uh and then their little claws uh it's a it's just

[27:25] i mean he looks awesome he looks small because he's stubby i see

[27:30] him fighting in the in the picture he looks in the

[27:33] pictures when there's no scale he always looks like a little baby

[27:36] but he's actually very tall he's like 10 feet tall big i see from other pictures

[27:40] but he also like uh and the one i'm looking at right now

[27:43] he's like got like basically his legs look like they've got

[27:46] colossus armor yes he wears he wears kind of blue underpants

[27:50] with with steel leggings underneath yeah yeah i like this guy

[27:55] cool yeah i like this guy yeah he looks a little bit like if you

[27:58] took a professional wrestler and you pull all his skin off

[28:01] and you gave him metal pants and really sharp teeth like that's carcass and so

[28:05] he's he's great he's my favorite eternals character by far and he's not

[28:08] in it that much uh so he's he's like i would say lockjaw

[28:13] is to the inhumans as carcasses the eternals

[28:15] you see him and you're just like what a cool cute dude like we i just want to

[28:18] see more about this character and know more about them

[28:21] so other than that who's who's your favorite eternal i've talked to you

[28:24] about them who's your favorite one is it uh icarus who's kind of like he-man

[28:28] without the personality is it cersei who's kind of like a

[28:31] magical party girl uh there's sprite who's just kind of

[28:34] always a kid but is mad about it they're like an

[28:36] like a mean mad mean little kid sure again there's makari who's obsessed with

[28:40] speed it's all he wants to do is run he's just born to run

[28:43] uh there's uh thena again she's zuris's

[28:47] zuris's daughter and she's kind of like becomes the leader of the eternals which

[28:50] kind of cracks under the pressure at one point

[28:52] uh there's zuris who again doesn't have much personality beyond just being like

[28:55] a cut rate odin the leader so who do you love who's the who's the eternals that

[28:59] really sticks out to you well i liked the

[29:02] description of uh cersei uh and she changes things into

[29:07] other things i'm into that that's true i don't like uh

[29:11] her design and some of the like i guess these must be newer comics i don't care

[29:16] for the original kirby design i like okay

[29:19] but well anyway what don't you like about the design is it well they make

[29:24] they look like the more recent comics are like very much like

[29:27] uh she's carrying two uh uzis i'm trying to

[29:32] no it's like she's always on her phone no they just sexify it a lot like

[29:37] like they you know did for a period of time

[29:40] i mean she was always kind of wearing like a sex she's all her costume was

[29:44] just basically like a green low-cut bathing suit

[29:46] so is she like is she like the enchantress

[29:49] she is a little bit like the enchantress yes but she's like a chaotic

[29:53] good enchantress whereas enchantress is chaotic evil

[29:56] yeah yeah so guys uh

[30:00] Well, I guess I guess I'll go I guess I'll go Icarus because I appreciate his on-the-nose

[30:06] Nate, uh, you know codename. I can appreciate his ambition

[30:13] And so as you've seen the Eternals are like always hiding out and not really getting involved in stuff and we'll talk about then

[30:19] How do these eternal immortal gods that don't like getting involved in things and do not care about people that much

[30:25] How do they fit into the Marvel Universe, but before we get to that Dan, I believe we have a word from our own Celestial

[30:32] Squarespace

[30:33] Yes

[30:35] Thank You Elliot in addition to the kind support from listeners like you

[30:41] This episode is sponsored in part by Squarespace

[30:47] Square with Squarespace you can create a beautiful website. Turn your cool idea into a site on the Internet

[30:55] For all to see and use you blog or publish content

[30:58] sell products and services of all kinds and much much more and Squarespace does this by giving you

[31:06] beautiful customizable templates created by world-class designers with everything optimized for mobile right out of the box a

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[31:26] Slash flop for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code flop. That's

[31:33] FLOP to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain

[31:39] Now Dan, I had an idea for a website and I was wondering if Squarespace might be able to help me with it

[31:43] Let's let's get it. Let's put it on the table. We'll poke at it. See if it works. Okay, so this is a website

[31:49] It's called

[31:49] www.whataretheeternalsagain.com

[31:52] and it's a website just for me where I would go and read it and remind myself because I've read these comics that Jack Kirby

[31:57] wrote at least two times all the way through and

[32:00] I had to do so much research to remember who these characters were before I talked to you guys even with the minimal information

[32:07] I've been able to give you because for some reason it's like

[32:10] I remember reading about a science fiction book once where a guy's face was so forgettable that he had to wear a crazy hat

[32:16] In order to stick in people's memories or else they would just forget about him and it's kind of

[32:22] If we talked to if we talked to your wife Danielle

[32:24] is she going to say that you spent the last like day or two like stressing out and being like

[32:28] Oh, I don't want to embarrass myself in front of my friends. Yeah, and even more so

[32:33] I don't embarrass myself in front of Jack Kirby's ghost who has been

[32:37] You talking about the Eternals, huh? Well, let me tell you some amazing tales

[32:42] Definitely got a cigar. They've been coming to Oath

[32:45] Yeah, a cigar in his mouth ancient gods have been coming to Oath and influence in all of our ancient civilizations

[32:51] They invented the pyramids. They invented all these things. Anyway, so I got wait

[32:55] I've had 17 more ideas since we started talking. I'm I don't want to talk about the Eternals anymore

[32:59] I want to talk about something else and so Jack Kirby's ghost is constantly just telling me new ideas and some of them are amazing

[33:05] But many of them don't make any sense

[33:06] So this website would be to help me remember the Eternals so Jack Kirby's ghost doesn't get mad at me. Dan's Squarespace

[33:11] We've helped me with that, right?

[33:12] Sure. Now this website of yours. Is that just gonna redirect back to this episode?

[33:17] Just for me though. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So guys, let's get back to what we've met

[33:22] How do the Eternals fit into the Marvel Universe? Well, they don't really they were never supposed to they were intended to be their own

[33:28] Separate thing at one point they were like Jack

[33:32] We need you to have the Eternals like fight the Hulk or something

[33:35] so he has Icarus fight a robot of the Hulk that somebody makes because he does not want them existing in the same real world as

[33:41] By the real world, I mean the Marvel Universe for superheroes stop being polite and start getting real

[33:46] Eventually, though all this backstory got rolled at the Marvel Universe proper

[33:50] Cersei joined the Avengers for a while in the

[33:53] Like the night early 90s and she was always trying to seduce Captain America and he was getting very flustered

[33:59] they're not they they revealed that Zuris the

[34:03] Father of all the or the leader of the Eternals was brothers with a Lars who is Thanos his dad

[34:09] He would go on to become mentor of the Titans so there's they're like they mush these things together and

[34:15] Lately Celestials, which used to be these enigmatic like kind of once in a million years

[34:21] Robot alien giants have just been popping up in the Marvel Universe like crazy

[34:25] Just like you can't you can't throw a dead cat without hitting a Celestial and it's like why are you throwing dead cats around the Marvel?

[34:31] Universe is because you're a new villain. Why would you do that?

[34:35] You're a new villain your only power is that you're your unerring aim with dead cats like gambit is the playing cards

[34:40] You are with dead cats. It's not a great character, but look they're running low on ideas in the house of ideas

[34:45] So daredevil goes out at night and he gets hit with a dead cat and it doesn't hurt him necessarily

[34:50] But it weirds him out. He did not like this. Yeah

[34:54] No, that's cat. Anyways, that's cat thrower. They're doing a 14-part crossover about him

[35:00] Which somehow he's created he's connected to the crazy universe. So my question finally invented a super villain I like less than carnage

[35:09] So what don't you like about carnage on the fact that he's just a serial killer venom?

[35:12] Yeah, that's why I don't like serial killer venom. I mean, what about the fact that his costume is super swirly. Isn't that nice? No

[35:23] Haven't you looked at a costume before of a superwoman like where the swirls where I want more swirls

[35:28] I think it's just because I just think it's the like

[35:31] It's like they took venom and then they just poured a bunch of Mountain Dew on him, you know

[35:35] Like I don't know that's his origin. That's in the cut. That's in Canon in the comics. That's what happened. Yeah

[35:40] That's how he got so extreme

[35:42] They poured Mountain Dew on him and and his his symbiote costume split into one that was more extreme. Yeah

[35:48] Because of all the do

[35:49] Anyway, how are they gonna make these characters into a movie? There's this is a double-edged sword the Eternals

[35:57] There's lots of potential there because nobody cares about these characters so you can basically do anything with them

[36:03] the movie already just with the stuff they've announced is very different in terms of many of the characters in the comics and

[36:10] Has there been a fan backlash guys?

[36:12] You're keyed into the nerd Internet has there been a fan backlash because a jack is a woman in the movie and not a man

[36:17] Like in the comics has there been a backlash? No, cuz no one cares. No one knew

[36:22] Yeah. Yeah, there was a backlash where people were

[36:26] Mad at Kumail for being jacked. I remember they were mad at him for being buff that was

[36:33] First they were happy then they got mad about it

[36:36] Uh-huh, and then I haven't heard anything recently about where we're staying

[36:40] Whereas if I remember there were people who got mad because in Thor Heimdall was black was played by a black actor

[36:46] Which is a ridiculous thing to be mad

[36:50] It's not even like these are people who are like, hmm. I've always been a Heimdall fan and I'm just mad

[36:54] It's not my visual

[36:56] imagination what Heimdall has always been because no one cares about Heimdall the same way that when Agatha Harkness was revealed as a villain in

[37:02] the WandaVision series spoiler alert

[37:04] Nobody cared because nobody's an Agatha Harkness fan. Nobody was like, but she is a hero in the comics

[37:09] She was Franklin Richards nanny. She used a big magic cat to scare off the wingless wizard

[37:15] Nobody cared. It didn't matter say more things in that voice about

[37:20] Harkness was Scarlet Witch's mentor. She was burned alive

[37:24] And it was wrong if it doesn't why would you make her a villain it doesn't make sense the opposite of ASMR?

[37:31] But still enjoyable

[37:33] Why would you

[37:35] Vision, okay in the comics he's created by Ultron to infiltrate the

[37:41] Avengers using the body of the original Human Torch

[37:45] Although that was eventually retconned away and they said it wasn't what happened and he has the brain powders and brain powders

[37:51] He has the brain patterns and probably brain powders because if you crumble up his brain

[37:55] It'll turn into powder of Simon Williams Wonder Man who at the time was dead, but eventually came back

[38:00] I don't understand why in the movies. He's created by Tony Stark with an infinity gem. It doesn't make sense

[38:07] But what what how do you feel about a Jack being a woman instead of a man? I why what who's that?

[38:13] I don't understand

[38:15] One of the Eternals the who I've already forgotten it's like a slippery idea slides right out of my brain. Yeah, luckily, okay

[38:23] So there's no you said there's no fan backlash. But when they when the trailer was

[38:28] First came out. There was a little bit of backlash because of the some of the design was so much

[38:34] Planar than the original Kirby designs. Well, that's typically like a big spaceship

[38:38] Well that yeah, it's true the spaceship that shows up in the beginning in the comic books

[38:42] That thing is a big crazy Kirby creation and it's fantastic

[38:45] It's all these little parts and in the movie just kind of like it's like a big it's like a monolith on its side

[38:50] You know, we listen lines running it and the costumes the characters are much more muted

[38:53] they don't have the bright bold colors and the bright Kirby designs, which are very geometric, but

[39:00] Look, we're living in a way

[39:01] I'm just glad that spider-man has a count has a costume that looks like spider-man cost spider-man's costume and then Captain America has at

[39:07] Least has wings painted onto the side of his mask

[39:09] Even if he's not gonna have little wings that stick out of the sides

[39:11] Maybe he doesn't wear bucking in your boots, but you know what?

[39:14] I think you got to take what you can get for some reason

[39:17] It's the the understanding on the Marvel Universe when it comes to costumes and the DC movies too

[39:21] Is that bright bold colors are not fun?

[39:24] But you got to have lots of little textures and like little bits of like crap

[39:29] You know stuff sticking out all over the plate like vision can't just be a robot with a red head

[39:33] He's got to have all these lines and grooves all over his face in his head guys

[39:38] What's the deal grooves why all the grooves Dan I

[39:44] Just like I want to be I want it to be like the spark song the rhythm thief

[39:47] Hey, where did the groove go? I want them all gone. I don't like those

[39:53] Groove is in the heart, right?

[39:56] It's all over visions face exactly the group should be in the heart

[40:00] There was something about a groove tube once.

[40:03] It involved, I think, there was a gorilla who had a TV on his head.

[40:07] Richard Belzer said it at some point.

[40:09] Listeners, if the groove is in your heart, that's correct.

[40:13] You should not have a smooth heart.

[40:14] You want your heart to be full of grooves.

[40:16] You want it to be very grooved, like a record.

[40:19] That's what your heart should look like.

[40:21] But your face, maybe you have grooves on your face and maybe it looks great.

[40:24] But vision should have a smooth face.

[40:25] He's a robot.

[40:26] Why are these grooves there?

[40:28] I just don't understand.

[40:30] I just don't understand why he has grooves on his face.

[40:33] You're addressing our number one grooved face listener, Lance Henriksen.

[40:38] And Lance, the grooves are working for you.

[40:40] I love it.

[40:41] It's just like the back of Jeff Goldblum's hand.

[40:42] You put a drop of water on it and you can see it go down all the grooves.

[40:45] It's beautiful.

[40:46] I love it.

[40:47] I want to put you on a turntable and listen to you all night, Lance.

[40:50] Yeah, what do you think it sounds like when you play Lance Henriksen's face on a record player?

[40:55] Also, those are naturally eroded grooves.

[40:57] That's natural weathering from icebergs and wind and sea.

[41:02] It's not adding three-dimensional puffed up webs to Spider-Man's body.

[41:08] Why does Spider-Man in the movies have a funeral armlet around his shoulders?

[41:13] I don't understand it.

[41:14] But anyway, Dan, you were saying?

[41:16] Well, no, I agree that I want more colors.

[41:22] I don't understand why, particularly early on, before the MCU, when it was like the X-Men movies

[41:30] and people didn't believe that people would want to see superhero movies for some reason.

[41:35] Back when that was a risky proposition to make a superhero film.

[41:39] I didn't like the all black and gray costumes.

[41:44] It was just like, we've got to make this look cool.

[41:46] Yeah, do you think they were hoping that people would go into the movies and be like,

[41:50] X-Men, well, they kind of look like a motorcycle gang.

[41:54] I'll go see this movie.

[41:55] I'll go see that.

[41:56] But I will defend texture to some degree.

[42:01] I'm sure it makes it easier cinematically just to have something going on rather than just the right blocks.

[42:11] I don't know.

[42:12] This is not on Subject of the Eternals, but look at the Christopher Reeve Superman costume

[42:16] and the Henry Cavill Superman costume.

[42:18] The Christopher Reeve one is super smooth, looks great.

[42:20] The Henry Cavill one, it's full of grooves.

[42:23] Look at all the pebbles.

[42:24] It's so pebbly.

[42:25] He's got you there, Dan.

[42:26] Let me just show you.

[42:28] OK, Dan.

[42:29] OK, Dan.

[42:30] The Superman costume that Christopher Reeve wore, it's like a beautifully paved road.

[42:33] Your eyes just slide along it beautifully.

[42:35] Henry Cavill's suit is like driving down a cobblestone street.

[42:39] It's terrible.

[42:40] It's bad on your suspension.

[42:41] It's not comfortable.

[42:42] You don't like it.

[42:43] And if you're walking down it, you can easily trip and fall.

[42:46] I'll explain.

[42:47] The problem was that the Cavill costume was designed on a Sunday afternoon.

[42:52] So they had to be grooving.

[42:54] They had to be.

[42:56] I guess that's what it was.

[42:58] That is the grooviest time.

[43:00] You're down at church.

[43:01] You can finally loosen your tie.

[43:03] So anyway, so that's the positive aspect of this is that no one cares about the Eternals.

[43:10] So they have a free hand to do whatever they want with their characters.

[43:14] The other side is that these characters do not have a particularly interesting hook.

[43:18] They're kind of like basically the Inhumans but less so.

[43:23] And so the main issue of the movie though, and this is brought up by a lot of people, what have these Eternals been doing just hanging around?

[43:30] Like Thanos killed half the universe and the Eternals were like, I'm busy.

[43:33] I don't like to get involved.

[43:35] What have they been doing all this time?

[43:37] I guess the movie will answer that question, but guys, guess what?

[43:40] We're in luck because along with the Eternals comes another character, everyone's favorite Marvel Universe character.

[43:47] Lockjaw?

[43:48] Okay, everyone's second favorite Marvel Universe character.

[43:51] Don't say Carcass.

[43:52] Okay, everyone's third favorite Marvel Universe character.

[43:54] Although if Carcass was in the movie, I'd be like this is fantastic.

[43:57] This is amazing.

[43:58] I think what's amazing is that the Shang-Chi trailer came out and everyone was like, is Fin Fang Foom in this movie?

[44:05] And there's nothing in the Eternals trailer that is as exciting as that.

[44:09] As the hope that Fin Fang Foom is in it.

[44:12] As the hope that there's a giant alien dragon that can be put to sleep with a magic spice herb.

[44:17] And that at least in the original comics were his tiny purple shorts.

[44:22] Like there's no hope in the Eternals that there's going to be a dragon wearing tiny purple shorts.

[44:26] Again, another Jack Kirby design I believe.

[44:29] So this movie is finally introduced.

[44:33] Dan, who's your favorite Marvel character who hasn't been in the movies yet?

[44:35] Kitty Pryde.

[44:39] No.

[44:40] No.

[44:41] Your other favorite.

[44:42] Your other favorite Marvel character who hasn't been in the MCU yet.

[44:44] Who?

[44:45] Puck?

[44:47] No.

[44:48] Keep going.

[44:49] From Alpha Flight.

[44:50] It's not him.

[44:51] Keep going.

[44:52] Who's your favorite who hasn't been in the MCU?

[44:53] Third favorite then.

[44:54] I can't.

[44:55] Is MODOK in it?

[44:57] He's not.

[44:58] Okay.

[44:59] He has his own show.

[45:00] Fourth favorite who hasn't been in the MCU.

[45:01] MODOK is in the MCU because his show takes place within that universe.

[45:04] Okay.

[45:05] Doctor Doom.

[45:06] Is it Doctor Doom?

[45:07] It's okay.

[45:08] Fifth favorite.

[45:09] Who's your fifth favorite character who hasn't been in the MCU?

[45:10] I was actually excited that it might actually be.

[45:11] It's not Doctor Doom.

[45:12] No.

[45:13] It is an armored character.

[45:14] Okay.

[45:15] Who's your – I've already given away too much.

[45:16] Moon Knight.

[45:17] Moon Knight.

[45:18] Is it Moon Knight?

[45:19] No.

[45:20] He's getting his own show on Disney+.

[45:21] Wow.

[45:22] Watching Dan remember names of characters is amazing.

[45:23] Dan is really – these are characters I didn't know he knew.

[45:26] What about – is it one of the Micronauts?

[45:28] What are you doing?

[45:29] No.

[45:30] Okay.

[45:31] That was his licensed property.

[45:32] Marvel doesn't own that license anymore.

[45:33] Seventh favorite.

[45:34] Who's your seventh favorite Marvel character who hasn't been in the MCU?

[45:35] Wow.

[45:36] Because this is going to be it.

[45:37] Is it Dr. Bong?

[45:38] No.

[45:39] It's not Dr. Bong from the Howard and the Duck Hogs.

[45:40] Okay.

[45:41] Eighth favorite.

[45:42] Your eighth favorite MCU character.

[45:43] Marvel character who hasn't been in the MCU.

[45:44] Just – okay.

[45:45] Who is it?

[45:46] Who's going to be in this one?

[45:47] If Dan says Annihilus, I would eat my hat.

[45:48] I think I've run out of good answers.

[45:49] Really?

[45:50] Just give me any answers.

[45:51] Your favorites.

[45:52] Come on.

[45:53] They don't all have to be Dr. Bong.

[45:54] My favorites.

[45:55] Okay.

[45:56] Who actually do I like that hasn't been –

[45:57] It's not Slapstick.

[45:58] The cartoon character.

[45:59] The superhero.

[46:00] I don't know, man.

[46:01] Well, I'll just tell you.

[46:02] It's Beta Ray Bill.

[46:04] It's not Beta Ray Bill.

[46:05] His face showed up in Thor Ragnarok.

[46:06] So we got to – that was – hopefully that's not all we get because he's an amazing character.

[46:07] Okay.

[46:08] Hold on to your butts.

[46:09] Because this is going to be it.

[46:10] Okay.

[46:11] Eighth favorite.

[46:12] Your ninth favorite MCU character.

[46:13] Who is it?

[46:14] Who is it?

[46:15] Who is it?

[46:16] Who is it?

[46:17] Who is it?

[46:18] Who is it?

[46:19] Who is it?

[46:20] Who is it?

[46:21] Who is it?

[46:22] Who is it?

[46:23] Who is it?

[46:24] Okay.

[46:25] Hold on to your – hold on to your buts, guys, because you're going to fall over.

[46:28] You're going to be so excited.

[46:29] Okay.

[46:31] Dane Whitman.

[46:32] The Black Knight.

[46:33] Whoa.

[46:34] Wait.

[46:35] What?

[46:36] Who's that?

[46:37] He is – okay.

[46:38] Who?

[46:39] I'm amazed you're asking me because he's everyone's favorite Marvel character, Dane

[46:40] Whitman, the Black Knight.

[46:41] He is a knight who has a magic sword that is hundreds – thousands of years old, and

[46:47] it gives him ill-defined power strength, I guess.

[46:50] He also has a horse with wings.

[46:52] And Dane, don't look up the villain, the Black Knight, who had the same horse.

[46:55] Oh, he's going to be played by Kit Harington, Girl Protective.

[46:58] He's going to be played by Kit Harington, so I assume it's a – it's a backdoor

[47:02] pilot for a Black Knight movie.

[47:04] So it's almost like they said to themselves, we're launching an Eternals franchise.

[47:09] Who is the character that would make the Eternals look exciting by comparison?

[47:13] Yeah.

[47:14] Oh, okay.

[47:15] The Black Knight.

[47:16] Everyone's least favorite Avenger after Gilgamesh, who is one of the Eternals.

[47:21] So, guys, it was all a ruse.

[47:24] It was not one of Dan's favorite characters.

[47:25] That was just a hilarious bit to make you realize how unexcited I am to have the Black

[47:30] Knight entering into the Marvel Cinematic Universe at a time when they really are holding

[47:34] their gunpowder dry on the Fantastic Four and not really moving forward on plans for

[47:40] those characters.

[47:41] Or the Great Lakes Avengers.

[47:43] Oh, if only the Great Lakes Avengers were involved.

[47:46] Oh, Flatman, Dorman, Mr. Bull.

[47:48] Why not Wonder Man?

[47:50] He feels like an easy one to do.

[47:52] So I don't know what they're doing with Wonder Man.

[47:55] I once pitched a Wonder Man show to Marvel's television division when they had a separate

[47:59] television division.

[48:01] And they looked into it and they were told that something might be done with Wonder Man

[48:04] at some point.

[48:05] Yeah.

[48:06] So he was off the table.

[48:08] But guys, that's pretty much the Eternals.

[48:12] So to wrap things up, the Eternals are somewhat racist, superpowered, immortal beings created

[48:22] by giant armored space aliens whose heads look like coffee makers.

[48:27] They are eternally at war with another race of evil beings that we have not heard about

[48:33] in the Marvel Cinematic Universe up to this point.

[48:35] And they are the source of all of our myths and dreams, which automatically means they're

[48:42] probably the most interesting characters that ever existed.

[48:45] And I defy anyone to watch the trailer and tell me who these characters are and what

[48:52] they do.

[48:53] So, guys, have I made you more excited about the Eternals movie?

[48:59] Kind of, actually.

[49:00] Yeah, yeah.

[49:01] I like that.

[49:02] That's fair.

[49:03] I like how weird it all sounds.

[49:04] I mean, like, at this point, I have been most fond of new Marvel movies, like, the weirder

[49:12] they get.

[49:13] And so they're going to go into some weird zone.

[49:16] Also, I just finally looked up these Celestials.

[49:19] Oh, boy.

[49:20] I like the looks of these guys.

[49:22] I mean, if the Celestials, I mean, crazy colors.

[49:25] I am not particularly excited about this movie because I don't, I just don't have a connection

[49:30] with these characters.

[49:31] Well, I'm excited about the idea that the Celestials, like, this, like, this subheading

[49:37] of the Marvel Cinematic Universe that they're going, that they might keep dipping into these

[49:41] Academy Award winning directors.

[49:42] Like, I feel like that Black Knight movie doesn't sound that exciting unless it's directed

[49:47] by Paul Schrader.

[49:52] Director of heartbeats.

[49:53] Interesting choice.

[49:54] Really, that's Paul Schrader's go-to credit story.

[49:58] Director of heartbeats.

[50:00] Stu is constantly getting Paul Schrader and Alan Arkish mixed up and that's why he thinks

[50:29] that Alan Arkish directed Mishima, A Life in Four Chapters and First Reformed.

[50:47] I feel like Paul Schrader's Rock and Roll High School would be a very different movie.

[50:53] If the movie gets weird, the way Jack Kirby's movie gets weird, then I think I'll really

[51:06] enjoy it and I hope that the Celestials, like the same way that when they made the mistake

[51:11] in that Fantastic Four sequel of making Galactus like a big purple cloud, I hope they don't

[51:15] mess with the Celestial designs too much, partly because the Celestials are covered

[51:19] in grooves.

[51:20] They're covered in grooves.

[51:21] So they've already got them.

[51:22] The grooves in the heart on them end all over their bodies and you want them to look like

[51:26] these big crazy armored aliens with no faces, but I'm worried that they're going to take

[51:31] it a little too seriously, but only time will tell.

[51:35] I will be happy to be proven wrong and you know what?

[51:38] If I'm proven wrong, here's what I'll do to you.

[51:42] I'll say, I'll admit on the air that I was wrong.

[51:48] Oh, wow.

[51:49] In all the history of the internet.

[51:52] But again, I have to be proved wrong.

[51:53] The Eternals has to be really great and then I'll come on the air and I'll be like, I was

[51:56] wrong and if it ends with a credit sequence where Lockjaw licks the camera, then it's

[52:02] my new favorite movie, right off the top.

[52:05] Yeah.

[52:06] Well, you were the person who predicted that Avatar would be a big flop, so.

[52:11] Did I?

[52:12] Yeah, I remember it well.

[52:15] I mean, it's possible.

[52:16] I didn't, it didn't look, I mean, I never saw it, so as far as I'm concerned, it was

[52:19] a flop.

[52:22] It didn't get the, it didn't, it didn't get the, the hallowed Elliot Kaelin quadrants.

[52:28] There's four quadrants, Stu, Dan, Elliot, and everybody else.

[52:33] And you can get everybody else in the world.

[52:34] That's only one quadrant.

[52:35] You still got to get the other three or else you don't get an EGOT.

[52:38] So guys, to bring this to a close, that's more than anyone has ever talked about the

[52:42] Eternals ever in history.

[52:45] Hopefully it will be a movie more in the vein of Guardians of the Galaxy, by which

[52:48] I mean just characters that people aren't familiar with that they take a liking to and

[52:53] are won over by, because I'll remind the world something that I think I forget sometimes.

[52:58] In the olden days, people used to see movies about characters they didn't know anything

[53:02] about and they'd like them.

[53:05] So it is not, you don't have to know a character already and already be a fan of theirs to

[53:08] enjoy the movie about them.

[53:10] So let's all go, if we choose to see Eternals, let's do it with an open heart, full of grooves

[53:15] and open mind, also full of grooves, because your brain is pretty groove-full.

[53:19] I was going to say groovy, but not everyone's brain is groovy, but they're all full of grooves.

[53:23] They're full of rinks.

[53:25] And let's be nice to each other, just like the Eternals would be.

[53:30] Elliot keeps taking the car around the block.

[53:34] Elliot's brain is getting groovier with every moment.

[53:37] It's the ending of a podcast equivalent of, there's no parking spot here, but what if

[53:42] I go this way?

[53:43] Oh wait, someone took my spot.

[53:44] There was a spot, but I just missed it.

[53:45] Sometimes the trick is to just park, man.

[53:46] What, park in the middle of the street, Dan?

[53:47] Just abandon the vehicle.

[53:48] Abandon the car, just light it on fire and walk away?

[53:49] That's a power move, my friend.

[53:50] That's true.

[53:51] When you say to the world, I don't even need my car anymore.

[53:52] Anyway, this is Elliot Kaelin saying thanks for listening.

[53:53] I've been joined as always by my fellow travelers through the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

[53:54] Their names are...

[53:55] Dan McCoy.

[53:56] And Stuart from the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

[53:57] Hi, everyone.

[53:58] I'm Dan McCoy.

[53:59] I'm Elliot Kaelin.

[54:05] and Stuart Wellington.

[54:06] And if I leave you with one thing, it's just this.

[54:18] Let Kumail workout with JK Simmons.

[54:20] They're best friends.

[54:21] They don't get to see each other that much.

[54:23] They need their workout time.

[54:24] So, Kumail, JK Simmons, keep on working out together.

[54:27] Eternals, come on your way in November.

[54:29] I've been Elliot Kaelin.

[54:30] Oh, there's a spot.

[54:31] Hold on.

[54:32] Guys, hold on.

[54:33] Hold on.

[54:34] Hold on.

[54:35] Hold on.

[54:36] Hold on.

[54:37] And it's a hydrant.

[54:38] Okay.

[54:39] We got to go around again.

[54:40] You know what?

[54:41] Listeners, you leave us.

[54:42] I'll just talk to Dan for another 10 minutes.

FH Mini 33 - Elliott Explains The Eternals

Transcript

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