Surfer: Teen Confronts Fear

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss surfer. Teen confronts fear.

[0:05] I don't even know, man. I don't even know.

[0:30] Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[0:37] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:38] My name is, of course, Elliot Kalin.

[0:41] How did I get here? Well, therein lies a tale.

[0:44] For you see, there is trouble in the land.

[0:47] Trouble across the land.

[0:49] And so I turned my back on that trouble and said,

[0:51] somebody else can solve this.

[0:52] And I booted up my podcast recorder and I said,

[0:55] hey, dudes, let's make a podcast.

Dan McCoy

[0:57] Thanks for being here, Elliot.

[0:58] It's nice for you to ignore that trouble for us.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02] The problem is the trouble starts with T and it rhymes with P.

[1:05] And that stands for pool, but there's no P in our pool.

[1:08] Please keep it that way.

Dan McCoy

[1:09] Yeah.

[1:10] Well, technically it's an ool.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11] It's an ool. Yeah, notice there's no P in it.

[1:13] Thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14] I really appreciate that you're ignoring the prophecy

[1:17] that says that you're the chosen one

[1:19] and you're the only one who can make what's wrong right again.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21] Yeah, so this guy arrived at my house with a sword

[1:25] forged from the body of a demon.

[1:29] And he said that only I can safely bond with it

[1:32] and therefore defeat the wizard or whatever.

[1:35] And I was like, I don't know.

[1:36] Despite the fact that the sword is inherently evil,

[1:38] maybe your goodness can't be without.

[1:40] Exactly.

[1:40] It's a balance thing.

[1:41] It's a balance of the cosmos.

Dan McCoy

[1:43] Like a yin-yang, right?

[1:44] Yeah, and I was like, I got stuff to do.

[1:45] Who are you, sir, to tell me what my life is going to be?

[1:48] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49] That's what I said.

[1:50] I said, excuse me, bearded hermit.

[1:54] Clearly you've seen plants.

[1:56] Yeah, excuse me, gray pilgrim.

[1:58] Certainly you've seen into the deep heart of the cosmos.

[2:01] You've seen the hidden recesses of the mind of the creator.

[2:04] But I have things to do today.

Dan McCoy

[2:06] A bunch of dwarves showed up.

[2:07] They sang a song and you're like,

[2:09] thank you for washing my dishes,

[2:11] but I'm going to have to turn down your offer of adventure.

[2:14] I've got stuff to do.

Elliott Kalan

[2:16] To feel like, oh, I'm responsible for going on this adventure

[2:19] after I fed you guys multiple meals uninvited.

[2:22] Yeah, of course.

[2:25] You might get some jewelry out of it.

[2:27] I'm going to have to hang up every one of your cloaks

[2:29] of a different color

[2:30] and try to remember which color goes with which person.

[2:32] You're lucky I have 13 to 14 hooks to put coats on.

[2:36] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[2:37] So for new listeners,

[2:39] who obviously, you know,

[2:40] it's so obvious.

[2:42] Aren't familiar with The Hobbit.

[2:44] It's so clear what this podcast is about.

[2:46] It's almost foolish for me to explain,

[2:48] but I should say that this is a podcast where...

[2:51] It's almost condescending for you to do that.

[2:53] I know, I know.

[2:53] But I was told that a broadcasting conference,

[2:57] you know, you just got to reset.

[2:59] You got to make sure that things are welcoming.

[3:02] You don't start off with a bunch of gibberish about nothing.

[3:05] Uh-oh.

[3:05] This is a podcast where we watch a movie

[3:10] that was either a critical or a commercial flop,

[3:13] and then we talk about it.

[3:13] Now, this case,

[3:15] you know,

[3:16] the days are getting shorter.

[3:19] The temperature's getting colder.

[3:21] Are we dying, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[3:22] Mm-hmm.

[3:23] No, no, it's just fall.

Dan McCoy

[3:24] It's just fall.

[3:25] Oh.

[3:26] And of course,

[3:27] that augers theme months here at the Flophouse.

[3:30] The first one being, of course,

[3:32] small timber,

[3:33] or as Elliot...

[3:34] Smallvember.

[3:35] ...insists.

[3:35] Correctly calls it smallvember, yes.

[3:38] And that is when we watch smaller movies.

[3:42] Normally...

[3:43] Little bitty movies, you know.

[3:44] We can find ourselves...

[3:45] Teeny tiny...

Stuart Wellington

[3:46] Mini discs.

[3:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:48] Yeah, we get a mini-DV player out,

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] and we watch it on our PSP.

[3:53] We get an eight-millimeter cut down

[3:55] of Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein,

[3:57] where they condense the movie to six minutes.

[3:59] We stare at a single frame of a movie,

Dan McCoy

[4:02] and we critique it.

[4:03] Oh, yeah.

[4:04] Now, yeah, you know, look,

[4:07] we usually do big Hollywood movies, so...

[4:10] Huge.

[4:10] The biggest, yeah.

[4:11] So there are pictures that...

[4:13] Mammoth blockbusters.

[4:14] You, the listener, may be familiar with,

[4:17] also because it doesn't feel good

[4:20] to make fun of someone's small passion project

[4:22] in the same way that Hollywood people,

[4:25] they can take it.

[4:25] They can take a punch.

[4:27] Lee Cronin can deal with it.

[4:29] Every once in a while, once a year,

[4:31] we give ourselves a dispensation

[4:32] to look at smaller, weirder films.

[4:35] Well, like all...

[4:37] It's a little treat for ourselves.

Elliott Kalan

[4:38] Like all traditional kind of Saturnalias

[4:40] or Bacchanals,

[4:41] for one day,

[4:42] or two episodes in this case,

[4:43] we slip loose the bonds of normal law

[4:46] as a way of highlighting

[4:47] that we don't do this

[4:49] the rest of the year.

[4:50] Yeah.

[4:51] Because these are activities

[4:52] for a set-aside special day,

[4:54] we are reinforcing we don't do this

[4:56] on the other days.

[4:57] Yeah, it's just medieval law.

Stuart Wellington

[4:58] Yeah.

[4:58] And it's a good way for us

[4:59] to kind of recalibrate our distinctions,

[5:02] like our sense of what makes a good movie

[5:04] or a bad movie,

[5:05] like when you're...

[5:05] Or what makes a movie.

[5:06] When you're like talking

[5:07] to a normal person somewhere

[5:09] and they're like,

[5:09] oh, you got to watch this movie.

[5:10] It's the worst I've ever seen.

[5:12] I'm like, brudda.

[5:14] If it played in a movie theater,

[5:16] it's highly likely...

Elliott Kalan

[5:17] No, no, my friend.

[5:18] You sweet summer lamb.

[5:19] Oh, you have no idea.

[5:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:21] Now, this picture has the utterly normal title,

[5:25] Surfer Colon Teen Confronts Fear.

[5:27] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[5:28] It's not inaccurate.

[5:30] Dan, you said that title

[5:32] immediately evoked, like,

[5:34] Christian stuff to you.

Dan McCoy

[5:38] Yeah, well, if it has a subtitle

[5:40] that's, number one,

[5:42] about a teen,

[5:42] speaking to the teens,

[5:43] trying to get at the teens' problems,

[5:45] and then saying something like

[5:46] confronts fear.

Elliott Kalan

[5:47] Because this movie really does get

[5:48] at the teens' problems.

[5:49] It's not the problems

[5:50] with modern teens.

[5:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:53] I would imagine,

[5:54] before I had seen this movie,

[5:56] I would have imagined,

[5:58] you know,

[5:58] something that was made

[5:59] by a Christian production company

[6:01] to be shown at youth groups

[6:02] to be like,

[6:04] here's some problems

[6:05] that teens might be facing.

[6:07] You know,

[6:07] let's give them the tools.

[6:08] Even cool teens,

[6:08] like surfers.

[6:09] Yeah.

[6:10] Yeah.

[6:11] This is not totally unlike that

[6:14] in that it has a lot of talk

[6:16] about the Bible

[6:17] at certain points,

[6:18] but it is also totally unlike that

[6:21] in that it is

[6:22] one guy's

[6:24] personal passion project

[6:26] that he has roped

[6:28] his teenage son into.

Elliott Kalan

[6:30] It's less a Christian youth group movie

[6:31] and more the equivalent to that

[6:33] for the cult

[6:35] of a charismatic con man

[6:37] who will eventually commit suicide

[6:38] with all of his followers

[6:39] or die in a bloody gun battle

[6:41] with the federal government.

[6:42] This is the version of that

[6:43] for this.

[6:44] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:45] Although I discovered that the,

[6:46] so the guy who plays the dad,

[6:48] who's also the director and writer.

Elliott Kalan

[6:50] And star,

[6:50] and he did the music.

[6:51] Yeah.

[6:51] He is a physics professor,

Dan McCoy

[6:54] at least,

[6:54] or at least was at one point

[6:55] at USC.

[6:56] So he is not,

Elliott Kalan

[6:58] he's able to.

[6:59] Until he started teaching students

[7:00] that they could make a human body

[7:01] out of squids and electricity.

[7:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:07] Perhaps we'll get,

[7:08] I mean,

[7:08] I don't know whether,

[7:09] maybe this is the point

[7:10] to talk about it,

[7:11] but I,

[7:11] when we were watching,

[7:12] I got Stuart to come over for it

[7:14] because I thought,

[7:15] I apologize, Elliot.

[7:16] Obviously,

[7:16] if you were on our coast,

[7:18] I get it.

[7:19] You would have come too.

[7:20] I don't get to watch movies with you.

[7:21] I don't get to go to

[7:22] the celebratory dinners.

[7:22] We would have let you wash

[7:23] the fucking dishes

[7:24] while we watch the movie.

[7:26] But this is the kind of movie

[7:27] that does work better

[7:28] if you see it with someone else.

[7:30] Oh, that's for sure.

[7:31] Yeah.

[7:31] There was a certain point

[7:32] when the guy was like half vomiting

[7:34] that I'm like,

[7:35] this really feels like

[7:36] Rick and Morty.

[7:38] It does.

[7:39] It feels like he's like,

[7:40] you gotta,

[7:41] you gotta cut in front of your fear,

[7:43] your fear, Morty.

[7:44] You gotta,

[7:44] fear is just a pathway to something.

[7:46] I made a squid in electricity, Morty.

Elliott Kalan

[7:49] To be honest,

[7:50] to be honest,

[7:50] and people are not gonna like me saying this,

[7:52] I found his performance,

[7:53] his lead performance,

[7:54] more enjoyable and easy to take

[7:56] than the lead performances

[7:57] in Rick and Morty.

[7:58] Wow.

[7:58] Because part of,

[7:59] part of what keeps me away from it

[8:00] is all,

[8:01] I would try to watch the first episode

[8:02] and it's like,

[8:03] Marty,

[8:04] you gotta,

Dan McCoy

[8:05] they cut down on the vomiting

[8:07] in later seasons.

[8:10] Also,

[8:11] at this point,

[8:11] they have replaced Justin Roiland

[8:14] who,

[8:14] it turns out,

[8:16] was not a good man

[8:18] with someone else

[8:19] doing a sound alike.

[8:21] And,

Stuart Wellington

[8:21] I mainly experience Rick and Morty now

[8:23] through the images

[8:24] I would see in weed stores

[8:26] of like Rick and Morty

[8:28] hawking weed products

[8:29] or something.

[8:30] Yeah, yeah.

[8:30] Sure.

[8:31] Or on like,

[8:32] T-shirts you would buy

[8:33] on a boardwalk

[8:34] of them like,

[8:34] I don't know,

[8:35] holding guns

[8:36] and wearing Nick's jerseys

[8:38] or something.

[8:38] Being Rastas.

[8:39] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Dan McCoy

[8:41] Well, we've,

[8:42] there's been a lot of prelude,

[8:43] but we should probably get into the meat of,

[8:45] yeah,

[8:46] this plot heavy vehicle.

Elliott Kalan

[8:48] Teen Confirmed Sphere.

[8:49] This is,

[8:49] so yeah,

[8:49] this is,

[8:50] I had not heard of this movie

[8:51] until we watched it

[8:52] and I think this was the right way

[8:53] for me to experience it

[8:55] with very little knowledge

[8:56] ahead of time.

[8:57] It is very clearly like,

[8:58] this is the kind of movie

[8:59] that a guy makes by himself

[9:02] starring him and his son

[9:04] using whatever locations he has

[9:06] and it has a bravura,

[9:10] nearly single take,

[9:12] long conversational scene

[9:14] that we'll get into,

[9:16] which is only partly,

[9:17] it's made better by the fact

[9:19] that most of the dialogue

[9:20] in the scene

[9:21] is clearly ADR'd later

[9:22] except for little bits of it,

[9:24] which were,

[9:24] which were live recording it seems

[9:26] and it,

[9:27] it just gives the,

[9:30] there are times when

[9:30] this movie feels like

[9:32] you were watching

[9:32] the bad lip read takeoff

[9:34] or parody of this movie,

[9:36] you know.

Dan McCoy

[9:37] Well, it's also,

[9:38] it seems like such madness

[9:39] because like,

[9:41] clearly these,

[9:42] this long monologue

[9:43] is not tightly scripted.

[9:45] Like, he is either,

[9:46] You don't know that.

[9:47] Half remembering the script

[9:49] that he wrote

[9:49] or he is improvising

[9:51] large chunks of it

[9:52] and then ADR'ing

[9:54] the improv

[9:54] that he did before.

[9:55] He is ADR,

Elliott Kalan

[9:57] because he's ADR'ing stumbles

[9:58] that he did

[9:59] to match his lip movements.

[10:00] Yeah.

[10:01] It's amazing.

[10:02] Anyway,

[10:02] so we start out

[10:03] with the most beard.

Dan McCoy

[10:04] I do like how his accent

[10:05] shifts around a lot.

[10:06] Yeah,

[10:06] sometimes he's talking,

[10:07] like I said,

[10:08] like,

[10:09] almost like Rick

[10:10] from Rick and Morty

[10:10] and sometimes he has

[10:11] like this half English accent.

[10:13] Yeah,

[10:13] Shakespearean accent.

[10:15] I wasn't supposed to feel.

[10:17] They said I wasn't

[10:17] supposed to feel.

[10:19] Yeah,

[10:19] Rick is doing King Lear

[10:20] all of a sudden.

[10:21] So,

Elliott Kalan

[10:22] so the,

[10:23] we open with,

[10:24] and I complain sometimes

[10:25] about movies

[10:26] that have too many

[10:26] production logos

[10:27] in the beginning.

[10:28] This one has none.

[10:29] It throws you right

[10:29] into the cheapest

[10:30] credits imaginable.

[10:32] Just whatever credit font

[10:33] came with this editing software

[10:34] over shots of a beachside town.

[10:37] There's a young guy

[10:38] who we will learn

[10:38] about a half way

[10:41] through the movie,

[10:41] two thirds the way

[10:42] through the movie

[10:42] is named Sage.

[10:43] Up to this point,

[10:44] he's the unnamed surfer character.

[10:45] He's getting ready to fish

[10:47] from a chair

[10:47] that's kind of set

[10:48] pretty far away

[10:49] from the water.

[10:51] And we hear him

[10:51] in voiceover say

[10:52] that he was a surfer

[10:53] and he once,

[10:55] he wiped out really badly

[10:56] and was saved by a lifeguard.

[10:57] And since then,

[10:57] he's been afraid of the water,

[10:58] but he still wants

[10:59] to be near the water.

[11:00] He's afraid of the ocean,

[11:01] but he wants to be

[11:01] near the water.

Stuart Wellington

[11:02] How would you describe

[11:03] the emotion

[11:04] in this voiceover performance?

Elliott Kalan

[11:05] I would say

[11:06] realistically unenthused.

Dan McCoy

[11:11] Yeah,

[11:11] the cadence is

[11:14] first take

[11:14] that of a person

[11:16] reading from a piece of paper

[11:18] maybe the first time

[11:20] they have seen

[11:21] this piece of paper.

Elliott Kalan

[11:22] I get that clear.

[11:23] And let's just

[11:23] to pull back the curtain.

[11:24] Clearly,

[11:25] this is a movie made

[11:26] by a guy

[11:27] who is an amateur filmmaker

[11:28] starring his son

[11:29] who is a competitive surfer.

[11:32] And the son seems to,

[11:33] it really does seem like

[11:35] the dad,

[11:36] and I'm just reading into it,

[11:37] maybe it's not true.

[11:37] It seems like the dad

[11:38] who usually is probably

[11:39] pushing his son in surfing

[11:41] is now pushing him

[11:42] to be an actor

[11:43] much as like Arch Hall Sr.

[11:44] would push his son

[11:45] Arch Hall Jr.

[11:46] to be a movie star.

[11:47] And it's a,

[11:48] it doesn't seem like

[11:49] the son is that

[11:50] interested in being there

[11:52] or doing this.

[11:52] There are many moments

Stuart Wellington

[11:52] where the son looks like

[11:54] he would rather be

[11:55] somewhere else

[11:55] with his friends

[11:56] or just deathly afraid

[11:58] that anybody he knows

[11:59] would see this.

[12:00] Well, I just,

[12:00] I'm,

Dan McCoy

[12:01] the entire first hour

[12:03] of this

[12:03] is essentially

[12:04] one long scene

[12:05] on the beach

[12:06] where the dad

[12:07] is monologuing

[12:08] at this team.

[12:09] Right at him, yeah.

[12:10] Who, yeah,

[12:11] looks uninterested

[12:12] in what's going on.

[12:14] And realistically,

[12:14] if they were not

[12:15] making a movie

[12:16] or like related,

[12:17] it seems like the guy,

[12:18] the kid would be like,

Elliott Kalan

[12:20] yeah,

[12:20] that's cool, man.

[12:21] I got stuff to do.

[12:23] I gotta go.

[12:24] As a father,

[12:25] it is so hard for me

[12:26] to get my sons

[12:27] to do stuff with me.

[12:28] Like,

[12:28] I spent a lot of yesterday

[12:29] being like,

[12:29] let's play a board game,

[12:30] let's play a game,

[12:31] let's play a card game,

[12:32] let's play basketball,

[12:32] whatever.

[12:33] The idea that I'd be like,

[12:34] hey,

[12:35] let's go make a movie

[12:36] that you have to star in.

[12:38] My children would walk away.

[12:40] They would just walk away

[12:40] and leave home,

[12:41] I think.

[12:42] So, anyway.

[12:43] Tie up a bendle

[12:44] and start riding the rails.

[12:45] So,

[12:46] there's some footage

[12:46] of him prepping bait,

[12:47] intercut with still images

[12:49] of his wipeout.

[12:50] And then he saves

[12:51] a middle-aged man

[12:52] from the ocean.

[12:53] This is a wordless sequence

[12:54] that takes a while

[12:55] where there's just

[12:56] a damp man

[12:57] in the waves

[12:59] from here to eternity

[13:00] makeout scene style.

[13:01] And he just pulls him out.

[13:03] And this is where we get...

Stuart Wellington

[13:04] How would you describe

[13:04] this middle-aged man?

Elliott Kalan

[13:07] Looks like a physics teacher

[13:09] who wants to make a movie.

[13:10] Long, stringy hair.

[13:11] Very,

[13:12] a lot of heavy emotion

[13:14] in his face.

[13:15] He doesn't...

[13:16] And this section,

[13:17] his performance

[13:18] is very funny.

[13:18] But the funniest performance

[13:20] he gives

[13:20] is later in the movie.

[13:22] And I don't want to talk

[13:22] about that just yet.

[13:23] Because he gives...

[13:24] There's a moment

[13:25] where he shows up on screen

[13:27] and I could not help

[13:28] laughing so hard

[13:29] at what is clearly meant

[13:30] to be a dramatic thing.

[13:31] But it is...

[13:32] It is...

[13:33] It's just...

[13:33] It is a big choice.

[13:34] And also...

[13:35] A bit offensive.

[13:36] And incredibly offensive.

[13:38] So the...

[13:40] In this...

[13:40] This is when

[13:41] the dad...

[13:43] The guy starts talking...

[13:44] The man starts talking

[13:44] to the surfer.

[13:45] And in dialogue

[13:46] that, as I said,

[13:46] is mostly 80-yard,

[13:47] even the stumbles

[13:48] and the things

[13:49] that he seems to be making up

[13:49] all the times

[13:50] that are 80-yard.

[13:51] He says he's the surfer's father

[13:52] who died in a war

[13:54] but has returned

[13:55] in a form made of hard jelly,

[13:57] as he describes it.

[13:58] He can only exist

[13:59] for a few hours

[14:00] because he's there

[14:01] to help the surfer

[14:01] overcome his fear.

[14:02] And he explains

[14:03] that the surfer

[14:04] survived his wipeout

[14:05] because a seal spirit

[14:06] entered his body

[14:07] at that moment

[14:08] and helped him

[14:09] to get out.

[14:10] And I am...

[14:13] You're explaining

[14:13] with such clarity, Elliot.

[14:15] Yes, what I'm going

[14:15] to be describing to you

[14:16] is cutting off...

[14:17] Cutting out a lot of detail,

[14:18] a lot of nonsense

[14:19] that he says.

[14:21] But it is a...

[14:22] I'm trying to get

[14:23] to the heart of it.

[14:23] And like Bible verses, right?

[14:24] Well, that's the thing.

[14:24] We'll get to that.

[14:25] He talks about the Bible stories

[14:27] but it's like

[14:28] not in a way

[14:28] I've ever heard

[14:29] a Christian or a Jew

[14:31] or a Muslim

[14:32] describe these stories.

[14:34] And so he's basically...

[14:35] He wants this...

[14:36] First he says,

[14:36] I want you to remember

[14:37] a dream that I had

[14:39] before you were born

[14:40] of you as a boy.

[14:41] And it's such a funny request

[14:43] to say,

[14:43] hey, I had a dream

[14:45] before you were born

[14:45] about you.

[14:46] Can you remember it

[14:47] for a second?

[14:47] I need you to remember

[14:48] this dream you never had.

Dan McCoy

[14:50] Can I just say,

[14:51] like the biggest

[14:52] like shocking twist

[14:53] for me in this movie

[14:54] was watching the credits

[14:55] at the end of...

[14:56] Because we get a flashback

[14:57] of him talking

[14:58] to young Sage

[15:00] and discovering

[15:02] that like young Sage

[15:03] was played by the son

[15:04] at a younger age.

[15:06] And so I'm like,

[15:08] what?

[15:09] Did they shoot

[15:09] this boyhood style?

[15:11] Yeah, yeah.

[15:12] This is the plan.

[15:13] I'm like,

[15:13] I'm going to ban the show

[15:13] of the movie

[15:14] all of a sudden.

[15:15] To what degree

[15:16] was any of that planned

[15:19] to like have this

[15:21] interpolated into

[15:22] a movie later on?

Elliott Kalan

[15:23] This is the labor of love.

[15:24] This is the kind of thing

[15:25] that you really,

[15:25] you really put your life into.

[15:27] You know,

[15:27] you plan it a lot later.

[15:29] Because it's hard

[15:30] to imagine what...

[15:31] The scene doesn't really

[15:32] fit into this story,

[15:34] but it's hard to imagine

[15:34] what story

[15:35] that scene might have

[15:36] fit into.

[15:36] Yes.

[15:37] But the man has the surfer

[15:38] repeat a specific phrase,

[15:39] I wish,

[15:40] but I'm not able to affect

[15:41] the space of your time.

[15:42] And then they go into the dream

[15:43] where we see the surfer

[15:45] as a kid

[15:45] and he speaks in rhyme

[15:47] about gods and spirits.

[15:49] We come back

[15:50] and the surfer's like,

[15:51] yeah, dad,

[15:52] you can teach me.

[15:53] Teach me

[15:53] how to overcome my fear.

[15:55] And the dad launches

[15:56] into a series

[15:57] of very long,

[15:58] very weird monologues

[15:59] that make up

[16:00] the beef of this movie.

[16:01] Like this is the meat

[16:02] of the movie.

[16:02] First, dad tells him,

[16:04] it's not shameful

[16:04] to be afraid

[16:05] because Adam was afraid

[16:06] after the devil lied to him

[16:08] and that's what caused him

[16:09] to eat the apple

[16:10] that kicked him out of Eden.

[16:12] And he says,

[16:12] fear comes from the lie

[16:13] that God isn't inside you,

[16:15] which is a lie.

Dan McCoy

[16:16] Now, I would not say

[16:18] that I recall

[16:19] that being part

[16:20] of the story of Genesis

[16:21] that Adam was afraid

[16:23] and that's why

[16:24] he ate the apple.

[16:25] I think temptation

[16:26] is really kind of

[16:27] the key to that.

[16:28] He's saying that the devil

Elliott Kalan

[16:28] told Adam,

[16:29] you are not like God

[16:30] and Adam didn't realize

[16:31] he had God inside him

[16:32] and is like God

[16:33] and so he became afraid

[16:34] that he's not like God

[16:35] and had to eat.

[16:36] And again,

[16:36] this is an interpretation.

[16:38] You know,

[16:38] it's open to him.

[16:38] That's the wonderful thing

[16:39] about the Bible.

[16:39] It's always open

[16:40] to interpretation.

[16:41] This is a very fear-based

[16:42] interpretation of the Bible.

[16:43] You know,

[16:44] he talks for this.

[16:46] Again,

[16:46] this is where I started

Stuart Wellington

[16:47] to lose understanding.

[16:48] It was around here

[16:49] that Dan looked over to me

[16:50] and he's like,

[16:51] don't worry,

[16:52] they leave the beach

[16:52] at some point.

Elliott Kalan

[16:54] But not for a long time.

[16:55] It takes longer

[16:56] than you think.

[16:57] There was part of me

[16:57] that was like,

[16:58] is this the whole movie?

[16:59] Because he talks

[16:59] for a long time

[17:00] about how blood

[17:01] and ocean

[17:02] are both spirit

[17:03] and when he was dead,

[17:04] he took surfer spirit

[17:05] surfing in the spirit world

[17:07] and he goes,

[17:07] look at that rock.

[17:08] Look at it.

[17:08] Stare at it.

[17:09] Look at it.

[17:10] Stare at it.

[17:10] Until he has a vision

[17:11] of surfing with his dad

[17:12] in the spirit world,

[17:13] which is just surfing footage.

[17:14] There's so much surfing footage

[17:15] in this movie.

[17:16] And it is,

[17:17] very clearly,

[17:18] this is footage

[17:19] of the real kids surfing

[17:20] and there's just a lot of it.

[17:22] And voiceover the dad

[17:23] is like,

[17:23] let the fear boil out of you.

[17:25] Let it boil out of you, son.

[17:27] Boil!

[17:28] And it doesn't do anything.

[17:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[17:30] One of the other funny things

[17:31] about the credits to the end

[17:32] is like,

[17:33] how many different

[17:34] cinematographers are listed

[17:36] because...

Elliott Kalan

[17:37] It's all people

[17:38] who just took footage

[17:38] of his kids surfing, right?

Dan McCoy

[17:40] Yeah.

[17:40] No,

[17:41] this movie is stitched together

[17:43] from new material

[17:45] plus footage

[17:47] of his kids surfing

[17:47] plus home movies

[17:49] that they took over.

[17:50] There's some parts later

[17:51] that are clearly

[17:51] vacation footage

[17:52] that they've put in.

[17:53] There's like,

[17:54] stuff later on,

[17:56] I'll be able to get to it

[17:56] with a whale

[17:57] this was shot

[17:58] at a different time.

[18:01] So,

Elliott Kalan

[18:01] the dad free associate

[18:03] Samori talks about

[18:03] how surfers' identity,

[18:05] I'm just going to start,

[18:05] his name's Sage,

[18:06] we don't know his name

[18:06] at that point,

[18:07] how the surfers' identity

[18:08] existed in a single cell

[18:09] in the ocean

[18:10] four billion years ago.

[18:12] And there's a lot

[18:13] of therapy talk

[18:14] that it feels like

[18:14] the dad is really making up

[18:16] as he goes along

[18:16] until he starts

[18:17] coughing up bile

[18:19] I'm running out of time.

[18:20] I think it's ink.

[18:21] God made this body

[18:21] out of squid and electricity.

[18:23] I only have three more hours.

[18:24] I think it's ink.

[18:25] It's ink.

[18:25] Yeah, he says it's ink

[18:26] because he's made out of squids.

[18:27] And the idea of God

[18:28] being like,

[18:29] yeah, I'll send you back

[18:29] to help your son

[18:30] who's a surfer.

[18:31] I've got to make you

[18:32] out of squids and electricity.

[18:33] That's what I do.

[18:34] I forgot how you make humans.

[18:37] Even though that's my whole thing

[18:38] is I created everything.

[18:39] It's all squid and electricity

[18:40] these days.

[18:40] Oh, yeah.

[18:41] It's all.

[18:41] And they don't last.

[18:43] Old time humans,

[18:43] which were made out of like

[18:44] bones and stuff,

[18:45] they last 70, 80 years,

[18:47] sometimes 100 years.

[18:48] This new squid

[18:49] and electricity humans

[18:50] that Apple makes,

[18:51] every year,

[18:52] you're supposed to toss them out.

Stuart Wellington

[18:52] Land obsolescence.

[18:54] Yeah, exactly.

[18:55] This is around where he starts

[18:56] like gripping at the rocks

[18:58] on the cliff that's around them.

[18:59] And he's like,

[19:03] I'm in such pain.

[19:05] I'm made of squid.

Elliott Kalan

[19:06] He's mad that,

[19:07] we'll get to,

[19:08] oh, you know what?

[19:08] We'll get to the

[19:09] wasn't supposed to feel part.

[19:11] Hold on.

[19:11] So, and this,

[19:13] the, so he says,

[19:14] I'm going to melt back

[19:15] into the ocean a few hours.

[19:16] And a surfer's like,

[19:17] no, I'm still kind of stuck.

[19:18] I'm still feeling afraid.

[19:20] So dad is like haranguing him

[19:21] about its movements

[19:22] and energy and God

[19:24] and the movements are God

[19:25] and the energy is God

[19:26] and the energy is in your movements.

[19:27] And he talks about surfing.

Stuart Wellington

[19:28] It definitely feels like,

[19:30] like this is the sort of thing

[19:31] where I,

[19:32] I don't know if you guys

[19:33] have ever talked to a person like this,

[19:34] but you're like,

[19:35] I feel like I'm in danger.

[19:37] I don't want to be here anymore.

Elliott Kalan

[19:39] I think the surfer throughout this,

[19:40] I feel like is wondering

[19:42] when it's time to run.

[19:44] Like when does he run

[19:44] from this person

[19:45] or when does he have to fight back

[19:46] in some way?

[19:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:48] Yeah.

[19:48] He has the demeanor of someone

[19:50] who is like,

[19:51] okay.

[19:52] There's going to be a point

[19:54] in the conversation

[19:54] where I can leave safely

[19:56] and it's not going to anger

[19:57] this person.

[19:57] Yeah.

[19:57] When do,

Elliott Kalan

[19:58] like how long do I have to humor

[19:59] this stranger

[20:01] who's clearly having an episode

[20:03] before I can peel away?

Stuart Wellington

[20:04] He's like a less funny

[20:06] Hugh Grant in Heretic.

[20:09] Basically.

[20:10] Yes.

[20:10] Fewer Jar Jar impressions.

Elliott Kalan

[20:12] A less funny

[20:13] and less well organized

[20:15] Hugh Grant in Heretic.

[20:17] That,

[20:17] Heretic is such a,

[20:18] is such a funny movie to me

[20:19] because Hugh Grant is like,

[20:20] he goes to such great lengths

[20:21] and then even at the end

[20:22] they're like,

[20:23] that's what you're trying

[20:23] to prove to us?

[20:24] This is fucking dumb.

[20:26] You think we hadn't heard

[20:27] of this before?

[20:28] Like you think this is new information?

Dan McCoy

[20:30] That was like,

[20:31] I think my letterbox review

[20:32] was something like,

[20:34] someone needs to tell him

[20:35] that you can be an atheist

[20:37] without all the construction work.

[20:39] Yeah.

[20:39] Like you can just be an atheist.

Elliott Kalan

[20:40] It's a very,

[20:41] and I assume this is,

[20:42] I don't know if this is intentional or not.

[20:43] Maybe it was.

[20:44] I hope it was,

[20:44] but he's such a funny parody

[20:46] of the kind of guy

[20:47] who learns something

[20:48] that he,

[20:49] that everyone else

[20:49] kind of knows already,

[20:50] but that he thinks

[20:51] he discovered

[20:52] and nobody else knows.

[20:53] So it was not until the end

[20:55] I thought the movie

[20:55] was that guy.

[20:56] I thought Heretic was like,

[20:58] oh, so Heretic,

[20:59] they think they're really

[21:01] lifting the scales

[21:02] from our eyes.

[21:02] And it wasn't until the end

[21:03] when she's like,

[21:04] yeah, no shit, dude.

[21:05] Like this is fucking,

[21:06] everyone knows this.

[21:07] I was like,

[21:07] oh, the movie knows

[21:08] what they're doing.

[21:08] Yeah, no, it's intentional.

Dan McCoy

[21:10] The reply guy of the movie.

[21:14] That is also a funny movie

[21:15] where like,

[21:16] it's the rare movie

[21:17] that gets less interesting

[21:18] once it stops being

[21:20] just a guy monologuing at you.

[21:21] Yes, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[21:22] At a certain point,

[21:23] I'm like, eh,

[21:24] all right, yeah.

[21:25] But the,

[21:25] well, that's probably

[21:26] because Hugh Grant

[21:26] is so,

[21:27] is so good.

[21:28] He's so good in it.

[21:29] And he apparently

[21:30] wrote at least some of that

[21:31] or rewrote it

[21:32] because he's good

[21:34] at rewriting

[21:34] his own dialogue and stuff.

[21:36] So, but anyway,

[21:38] he's really good in that.

[21:39] So it's his,

[21:40] I think it's maybe

[21:40] his second best villain

[21:41] performance after Paddington 2,

[21:43] which is kind of

[21:44] the same character

[21:44] in some ways.

Stuart Wellington

[21:46] And he's,

[21:47] he's also a really great villain

[21:48] in what was that?

[21:49] Operation Fortune,

[21:50] Ruse de Guerre.

[21:51] Oh, I haven't seen it.

[21:52] Where he plays like a,

[21:53] like a arms dealer,

[21:55] like a very chav arms dealer.

[21:57] And he's, he's, he's,

[21:58] I haven't seen it.

[21:59] Now I gotta see it.

[22:00] Every scene,

[22:00] every time he shows up,

[22:02] you're like,

[22:02] man, I need more of this guy.

Elliott Kalan

[22:05] Makes me want to see

[22:06] the version of Mickey Blue Eyes

[22:07] where he's an actual gangster

[22:08] and he's not just pretending

[22:09] to be a gangster.

[22:11] So, uh,

[22:12] Surfer's still stuck in his fear.

[22:13] Dad's haranguing him.

[22:14] Uh, uh,

[22:16] as the Surfer's like,

[22:17] we see more wordless

[22:18] surfing footage.

[22:19] They talk about surfing.

[22:20] Surfer,

[22:20] the Surfer tells his dad,

[22:21] he almost feels like surfing.

[22:22] But first dad is like,

[22:24] here's what it's like

[22:25] to surf the big waves.

[22:26] I want to surf the big waves

[22:27] of humanity's fear

[22:28] and their emotion.

[22:30] And, uh,

[22:30] and he says there's always,

[22:31] he says he starts talking

[22:32] about whales.

[22:33] There's always a whale

[22:33] crying in the ocean

[22:34] because it's the key

[22:36] of man's fear.

[22:36] He tells the story of Jonah,

[22:38] which becomes a fear-based story.

[22:39] And this is a version

[22:40] of the story of Jonah that,

[22:42] so Dan, I,

[22:43] you, you grew up in more of a,

[22:44] more of a Bible reading

[22:45] household than me.

[22:46] In his version of story of Jonah,

[22:48] Jonah tells the people

[22:49] in the boat,

[22:49] throw me overboard

[22:50] to stop this storm.

[22:52] The version of it

[22:53] I remember hearing

[22:53] is the people in the boat

[22:54] are like,

[22:54] get the hell out of here

[22:55] and throw him in the boat.

[22:56] Not that he volunteers for it.

Dan McCoy

[22:58] But how do you remember?

[22:58] Um, uh,

[22:59] I, I, I don't remember.

[23:01] Like, you know.

[23:02] I could be wrong, you know.

[23:03] I, that,

[23:04] that's an Old Testament story,

[23:05] right?

[23:06] Like,

[23:06] You better believe it.

[23:07] I mean,

[23:07] I would just call that

Elliott Kalan

[23:08] the Bible or the Torah.

Dan McCoy

[23:09] I don't,

[23:09] I don't believe

[23:10] in the New Testament,

[23:10] so, yeah.

[23:11] The difference,

[23:11] the difference with we Gentiles

[23:13] is like,

[23:14] we tend to like,

[23:15] not focus so much on that

[23:16] unless we're like,

[23:17] uh,

[23:18] weird evangelicals

[23:19] who need an excuse

[23:20] to be like,

[23:21] God is angry.

Elliott Kalan

[23:22] Even though Jesus came

[23:24] and said,

[23:24] this is a new covenant

[23:25] with new rules,

[23:25] we still want to go

[23:26] by the old rules too.

[23:28] Yeah.

[23:29] Um, so anyway,

[23:30] Dad says,

[23:30] the purpose of fear

[23:31] is to help you find faith.

[23:33] And then he pulls

[23:33] the surfer

[23:34] into a black and white dream

[23:35] about a dead whale

[23:36] they found on the beach.

[23:38] And this is,

[23:39] this problem,

[23:39] this must have been

[23:40] a real whale

[23:41] washed up, right?

[23:42] And then they show,

[23:42] I can't imagine

[23:43] that they made a fake whale

[23:44] for this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[23:44] They didn't make a fake whale.

[23:45] Yeah.

[23:45] And also like,

[23:46] I love that they're wearing

[23:47] like coats.

[23:49] Yeah,

[23:49] because it was really cold

[23:50] that day.

Dan McCoy

[23:51] Clearly different.

[23:52] And like,

[23:52] yeah,

[23:53] I read a little bit,

[23:55] I couldn't find

[23:55] a lot of research

[23:57] about surfer teeth

[23:58] in front of the air.

[23:59] There's an interview

Elliott Kalan

[24:00] with the director

[24:00] that I have not yet

[24:02] finished reading

[24:02] where he goes on

[24:04] about how,

[24:05] um,

[24:05] the critics

[24:06] who didn't like the movie

[24:07] clearly have problems

[24:08] with their fathers

[24:08] and that's why

[24:09] they didn't like the movie.

[24:10] And he gets into

[24:11] Freudian psychology.

Dan McCoy

[24:12] I did go looking

[24:14] for information

[24:14] just because this is

[24:15] so singular.

[24:16] I'm like,

[24:16] I need to understand.

[24:18] And part of what I found

[24:19] was a Screen Slate article

[24:20] where they're saying

[24:21] that like,

[24:22] yeah,

[24:23] they just heard

[24:23] that a whale

[24:24] was going to wash up

[24:25] somewhere

[24:26] and the guy was like,

[24:28] we gotta get the camera.

[24:29] We gotta get down there.

[24:31] And so this was,

[24:32] like,

[24:33] I wanna know

[24:33] what parts of this

[24:34] were shot first

[24:35] and like,

[24:36] what the plan was

[24:37] to then like,

[24:38] stitch it all together

[24:39] into a movie.

[24:40] It's very Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Elliott Kalan

[24:42] Very Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

[24:42] to be like,

[24:43] there's a dead whale?

[24:44] We gotta do something with it.

[24:45] Get the camera.

[24:46] Come on.

[24:47] Cut it off.

[24:48] Take it home.

Stuart Wellington

[24:48] And this is LA.

[24:49] You know,

[24:49] there's just a line

[24:50] of influencers

[24:50] waiting to take

[24:51] their whale videos.

[24:53] Oh yeah,

[24:54] you know it.

Dan McCoy

[24:54] Yeah.

[24:55] I just remember

[24:55] the other part of that

[24:56] where he was saying like,

[24:58] yeah,

[24:58] you know,

[24:59] like Sage,

[25:00] his disgust

[25:00] in that scene

[25:01] is very real

[25:03] because I don't think

[25:03] he'd been close

[25:05] to a dead whale before.

[25:06] I'm like,

Elliott Kalan

[25:06] yeah,

[25:06] no shit.

[25:08] You don't,

[25:08] why would he?

Dan McCoy

[25:09] Who has been?

[25:10] And dad was like,

[25:12] hey,

[25:13] get close to that dead whale.

[25:14] In the scene,

Elliott Kalan

[25:15] he's like,

[25:16] get close to it.

[25:16] Get really close to it.

[25:17] Look at it real close.

[25:19] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:19] I want you to like,

[25:20] smell every part of it.

[25:21] Smell it.

Elliott Kalan

[25:22] Now lick it.

[25:23] Lick what it tastes like.

[25:24] Can you taste the brine

[25:25] and the rot?

Dan McCoy

[25:26] Are we really gonna need

[25:26] this footage yet?

[25:27] You never know.

[25:28] You never know.

Elliott Kalan

[25:28] Just press your body against it.

[25:30] Try to get inside its mouth.

[25:31] Just try to climb in its mouth.

[25:32] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:34] No,

[25:34] it'll be hilarious

[25:35] if you're like climbing out

[25:36] of its mouth

[25:36] because it looks like

[25:37] it swallowed you

[25:38] and then you killed it

[25:39] from the inside.

[25:40] Just jump out

[25:40] and say something funny

[25:41] like bazinga.

Elliott Kalan

[25:43] Just crawl out

[25:44] and like look around

[25:45] and be like,

[25:46] oh,

[25:46] I thought I was taking

[25:46] the express.

Stuart Wellington

[25:50] Climb out

[25:51] and flex

[25:52] like you're really strong.

Elliott Kalan

[25:54] I want you to climb out

[25:55] and then like

[25:56] floss in front of it.

[25:56] Here's what I'm gonna do

[25:57] is you get inside it

[25:58] but don't get too far inside

[25:59] because what I'm gonna do

[26:00] is I'm gonna punch it

[26:01] in the gut

[26:01] like I'm giving it

[26:02] the Heimlich

[26:02] and then I want you

[26:02] to jump out.

[26:04] Leap out of the mouth

[26:05] like I've just given

[26:05] the Heimlich

[26:06] and you're gonna

[26:07] Where am I?

[26:09] And then look

[26:11] at the camera

[26:11] and say,

[26:12] boy,

[26:13] I've got a whale

[26:13] of a tail.

[26:15] Son,

[26:16] why are you going?

[26:16] They're never gonna believe

[26:17] this, John.

[26:18] Son,

[26:18] put down the phone.

[26:19] Don't call Child

[26:19] Projective Services.

[26:20] We're just gonna do

[26:20] this whale sketch.

[26:21] We're just gonna do

[26:22] this little whale scene.

[26:23] Come on.

[26:24] Stop calling them.

[26:25] Stop calling them.

[26:25] All right.

[26:26] I just want you to stick

[26:27] your hand into its blowhole.

[26:28] Climb up on top.

[26:29] Stick your hand

[26:30] into its blowhole

[26:31] and say,

[26:31] how's your breathing now?

[26:34] Just dominate the whale.

[26:35] Just show the dead whale

[26:36] that you're dominating.

[26:37] You could kill it

[26:38] if you needed to.

[26:38] If it wasn't already dead.

[26:40] Yeah, yeah, sure.

Dan McCoy

[26:42] Poor whale.

Elliott Kalan

[26:44] Okay, here's the thing.

[26:44] Now, here are the props.

[26:45] I brought some props with me.

[26:47] Now, this is,

[26:47] take these balloons

[26:48] and then I'm gonna say,

[26:49] no, no, no,

[26:50] baleen, not baloons.

[26:52] That's the whole scene.

[26:53] Then you're gonna, like,

[26:53] look at the camera

[26:54] like Jim from The Office.

[26:55] Just give it one of those looks.

[26:56] You know what I'm talking about.

[26:57] Anyway,

[26:58] and then you're gonna walk away.

[26:59] Son,

[26:59] I got more whale material to do.

[27:01] Come on.

[27:02] Oh, God.

[27:04] And then when he's done,

[27:05] he puts the camera down

[27:05] and goes,

[27:05] okay, give me that knife.

[27:06] We're gonna eat this tonight.

[27:07] And he's just, like,

[27:08] carving off whale steaks

[27:09] to bring home.

[27:11] So anyway,

[27:12] dad has,

[27:13] dad has the surfer

[27:15] remember the wave

[27:15] that almost killed him

[27:16] wiggle your fingers.

[27:17] The feelings in your fingers.

[27:18] Start with wiggling those.

[27:19] Yeah.

[27:19] He has a flashback

[27:20] to lifeguard saving him.

[27:21] This is when I made a note.

[27:22] We were 34 minutes

[27:23] into the movie

[27:24] and it was almost entirely

[27:25] just the dad saying nonsense

[27:26] and he's not done.

[27:28] He keeps talking.

[27:29] And so he talks much longer

[27:30] and he,

[27:31] until eventually

[27:32] the surfer's like,

[27:33] yeah, I'll surf again.

[27:34] But what do you get out of it?

[27:35] What do you get out of it?

[27:36] I surf again.

[27:37] And this is when the dad

[27:38] throws a fit.

[27:39] He gets really angry.

[27:40] He's like pounding on the rock

[27:41] with his fist

[27:41] and he says,

[27:42] spirit forms shouldn't be able

[27:44] to feel emotions,

[27:45] but they do.

[27:45] And this is when he's like,

S4

[27:47] I wasn't supposed to be able to feel.

Elliott Kalan

[27:50] And he's like howling

[27:51] like a wounded yeti.

[27:53] It's amazing.

[27:54] It's really cool, yeah.

[27:55] He gives a big speech

[27:56] about waves and energy

[27:57] and emotion and surfing

[27:58] and he wants to be reborn.

[27:59] This is where he's saying

[28:00] he wants to surf again

[28:00] and ride the wave

[28:01] of humanity's fears

[28:02] and it'll help him do that

[28:04] if the surfer goes and surfs again.

[28:05] At this point,

[28:06] he's been talking

[28:06] for like 10 straight minutes

[28:08] since the whale scene, I think.

[28:09] And even that was pretty deep

[28:11] into this sequence.

[28:12] And in the end,

[28:13] dad goes,

[28:14] here, here's a name.

[28:15] Here's an address.

[28:16] Here's an alphanumerical code.

[28:18] And here's some predictions

[28:19] about where the next big waves

[28:21] are going to be.

[28:21] And then he collapses

[28:22] into the surf

[28:23] and he rolls into the ocean

[28:25] to melt away off camera.

[28:27] And that is when we go

[28:28] to scene two.

[28:29] And we are now

[28:29] 49 and a half minutes

[28:31] into the movie.

[28:32] This is an hour

[28:33] and 41 minute movie.

[28:34] It's awesome, man.

[28:35] There's less than an hour left.

[28:37] We spent that on

[28:37] basically one scene.

[28:39] And after that,

[28:40] there's part of me

[28:42] well, there's no way

[28:42] this movie is going to give me

[28:43] anything worth watching.

[28:44] After that, I was wrong.

[28:45] There is a little bit.

[28:46] But this is definitely,

[28:47] the movie definitely takes

[28:48] a little bit of a dip

[28:49] in terms of this,

[28:52] it's sheer manic bravado.

[28:55] Well, I mean,

Dan McCoy

[28:56] certainly in like the last,

[28:57] let's say,

[28:58] 20 minutes.

[28:59] Which is just surfing footage.

[29:00] Mostly surfing footage.

[29:02] Vacation and surfing footage.

[29:03] I got to admit,

Elliott Kalan

[29:04] this is something

[29:04] I shouldn't do as a professional,

[29:05] as a podcast,

[29:06] bad movie professional.

[29:07] But I definitely hit

[29:08] that two times speed,

[29:10] you know,

[29:10] setting for a little while.

[29:11] Didn't they enjoy

Stuart Wellington

[29:11] that surf music

[29:12] that was playing?

[29:14] Yeah, you didn't want

[29:14] to listen to

[29:15] Go It Alone.

[29:16] After the original song,

Elliott Kalan

[29:17] Go It Alone.

[29:18] That I listened to in total.

[29:20] Yeah.

[29:20] So anyway.

[29:21] That sounds pretty good.

[29:22] I enjoyed that song.

[29:23] I will say,

[29:23] that's the best part of the movie

[29:24] is that song Going Alone.

[29:25] I have to admit.

[29:26] I think it's the best.

[29:27] It is the only thing

[29:28] in the movie

[29:28] that approaches

[29:29] that idea

[29:30] of potential quality.

[29:32] So the surfer goes to-

[29:34] There's a little scene

Stuart Wellington

[29:35] later on with,

[29:35] I think,

[29:36] an admiral

[29:37] that I think was probably

[29:38] my favorite scene.

[29:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:39] I mean,

[29:39] that scene,

[29:40] we'll get to that one.

[29:41] That is an amazing scene.

[29:42] So the surfer goes

[29:43] to the address

[29:43] the dad gave him.

[29:44] It's supposed to be

[29:45] a military building.

[29:46] It's clearly just

[29:46] a little office lobby

[29:47] or even a retail establishment.

[29:49] The security woman,

[29:50] he goes,

[29:50] I'm here to see Banks.

[29:52] And she goes,

[29:52] Banks?

[29:53] You mean Dr. Bankrow?

[29:55] The doctor who works here?

[29:56] I apologize, guys.

[29:57] I apologize.

[29:57] I skipped the second scene

[29:59] of the movie,

[29:59] which is the doctor

[30:00] giving a checkup

[30:01] to an older woman

[30:02] in what looks like

[30:02] to be a rehearsal space.

[30:04] And he's just checking

[30:05] her heart pressure.

Stuart Wellington

[30:05] Are you telling me

[30:06] that most doctor's offices

[30:08] aren't covered in exposed brick walls?

Elliott Kalan

[30:11] They usually don't have

[30:11] exposed brick walls,

[30:13] mismatched chairs,

[30:14] and a stand

[30:15] that is clearly holding up

[30:16] either a light

[30:17] or a reflector

[30:18] to help light the scene.

[30:20] Yes.

[30:21] But I forgot,

[30:21] this is probably

[30:22] a five or six minute scene,

[30:24] very few words,

[30:24] of an older woman

[30:26] just in a wheelchair

[30:27] just getting checked up

[30:27] at the doctor.

[30:28] And she keeps looking

[30:29] at the camera

[30:29] as if she is afraid

[30:31] of what's going to happen next.

Dan McCoy

[30:33] Yeah.

[30:33] I was a little concerned

[30:35] about this scene

[30:36] that this woman

[30:36] didn't know

[30:37] that she was in a movie

[30:38] or why she was there.

[30:39] She is an actress.

Elliott Kalan

[30:40] She is a professional actress.

[30:41] Okay, good.

Dan McCoy

[30:43] Thank God.

[30:44] Because I was like,

[30:45] this has a level of realism

[30:47] that the other performances

[30:49] cannot approach.

Elliott Kalan

[30:50] No, it is the best performance

[30:51] the entire movie

[30:52] because you do not realize

[30:53] that this is a professional actress

[30:55] who is doing this.

[30:56] The same way that

[30:57] I've talked about it before

[30:59] when I saw the play

[31:00] This Is Our Youth

[31:01] in London years ago

[31:02] and Jake Gyllenhaal was in it.

[31:03] There's a scene in that play.

[31:04] I'm sick of you talking about it.

[31:05] We've talked about it a lot of times.

[31:06] There's a scene in that play

[31:07] where his character

[31:08] knocks over a plate full of drugs

[31:09] and Jake Gyllenhaal did it so well

[31:11] that people in the audience

[31:12] I think thought it was a mistake

[31:13] and thought that he had messed up.

[31:15] But anyway,

[31:15] that's this performance.

[31:16] This woman does such a great performance

[31:18] of seeming like a woman

[31:19] who is not aware of where she is,

[31:21] does not want to be touched by a doctor

[31:23] and is not enjoying being there

[31:24] and doesn't understand

[31:25] why there's a camera watching it

[31:27] the entire time.

Stuart Wellington

[31:27] And I will say,

[31:28] this is a very jarring choice

[31:30] for a second scene.

Elliott Kalan

[31:31] Yes.

[31:32] To suddenly be thrown into it

[31:33] because it's also one of the things

[31:34] where I'm like,

[31:34] which of these characters

[31:35] am I going to be following?

[31:37] The doctor,

[31:39] the woman,

[31:39] or neither?

[31:40] That's,

[31:41] I had no idea the entire,

[31:42] this is one of those movies

[31:43] where a good movie

[31:45] throws you in the air

[31:46] and catches you

[31:47] and you know the whole time

[31:48] the movie's going to catch me

[31:49] but there's still that thrill

[31:50] of being up in the air

[31:51] and then falling back down again.

[31:52] This is one of the movies

[31:53] where you're like,

[31:53] I don't know if they're going to catch me.

[31:54] They may throw me in the air

[31:55] and then walk away

[31:56] and I'm just going to hit the ground

[31:57] and it's going to hurt,

[31:58] you know.

[31:59] And in a way that is exactly

[32:00] what this movie is.

[32:01] So,

[32:01] so we see this old lady

[32:03] get a checkup.

[32:04] The surfer goes to the address.

[32:05] It's a military building.

[32:06] He learns that Banks

[32:07] is Dr. Bankrow.

[32:09] The security woman

[32:10] at the reception desk

[32:11] calls in Marks,

[32:12] a guy in camo.

[32:13] And there is a great other movie

[32:16] about the hierarchy

[32:17] in this office building,

[32:19] in this military office

[32:20] because the guy in camo

[32:21] seems like he's in charge

[32:22] until the scene,

[32:23] next scene with the doctor

[32:24] where the doctor

[32:25] is so passive-aggressively

[32:26] condescending

[32:27] to this guy the entire time.

[32:28] Anyway,

[32:29] he's in camo.

[32:30] He frisks the surfer.

[32:31] He takes his phone

[32:31] to have it scanned

[32:32] and then he sends two guys

[32:34] who are in civilian clothes

[32:35] and they have the funniest lines

[32:37] where they're like,

[32:38] I've spent all this time

[32:39] ironing my uniform

[32:40] and then he tells us

[32:41] to put on civilian clothes

[32:42] and it's such a funny way

[32:43] that they're like,

[32:43] we got to explain

[32:44] why these guys

[32:44] are not in uniform.

[32:45] We'll just have a line about it.

Stuart Wellington

[32:46] And they're using so much

[32:47] like faux military slang

[32:51] come on, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[32:52] Yeah.

[32:53] It's so,

[32:54] they are trying so hard

[32:55] to seem like they're

[32:56] in the military and failing.

[32:57] He goes,

[32:58] hey,

[32:58] we're going to scan this.

Dan McCoy

[32:59] Walking out of this building

[33:00] that is a reception area

[33:02] with glass bricks

[33:03] and this examination room.

[33:04] That's clearly

[33:04] in the middle of Burbank

[33:05] or Pasadena.

[33:07] It looks like Burbank.

[33:07] That is like

[33:07] an old battered wooden chair.

[33:10] This does not look

[33:11] like a military.

[33:12] military operation.

Elliott Kalan

[33:14] I feel like

[33:14] it lacks the verisimilitude

[33:16] of the cockpit set

[33:17] of Plan 9

[33:18] from outer space

[33:19] where they're sitting

[33:20] at music stands

[33:21] in hardback wooden chairs.

[33:23] Like,

[33:24] that felt more like

[33:25] the cockpit of a plane.

[33:26] This feels like

[33:26] a military installation.

Stuart Wellington

[33:27] you can literally see,

[33:29] like maybe,

[33:29] is it like Highland Boulevard

[33:31] or Glendale Boulevard

[33:32] in like the road sign

[33:34] in the background?

Elliott Kalan

[33:35] Yeah.

[33:36] I mean,

[33:36] it looks so,

[33:37] I don't,

[33:37] I'm not sure,

[33:37] it looks so much

[33:38] like Magnolia in Burbank,

[33:39] but it could be

[33:40] any of those places.

[33:41] So,

[33:41] the,

[33:42] they,

[33:43] he said,

[33:44] he goes,

[33:44] we're gonna scan the phone.

[33:44] You guys look outside

[33:45] for drones

[33:46] or suspicious things.

[33:47] They go outside,

[33:48] they check under cars.

[33:49] We get like 10 minutes

[33:50] of them walking around.

[33:51] They walk around for a long time.

[33:52] They don't find anything.

[33:53] We never see these characters again.

[33:55] It doesn't matter.

[33:57] And the surfer finally goes,

[33:58] oh,

[33:59] my name is Sage

[33:59] and I've got a message for Banks

[34:01] and he gives it to Mark.

[34:03] He pulls out a gun.

[34:04] Bang,

[34:05] bang,

[34:05] bang.

[34:06] And it turns out Banks

[34:08] is the doctor we saw briefly earlier

[34:09] with that old woman.

[34:11] He takes a while,

[34:12] so it takes so long

[34:13] for Marks to give him this note.

[34:15] Banks reads it

[34:15] and gets very emotional.

[34:17] Says,

[34:17] I'll talk to Sage.

[34:18] I'll talk to him.

[34:19] And you know what?

[34:19] I'm going to give him the money

[34:20] to travel the world surfing.

[34:22] I'm going to give you that money

[34:23] because he says,

[34:25] and this is the first of

[34:26] a couple different explanations

[34:28] of what the deal is

[34:29] with Sage's dad.

[34:30] First explanation,

[34:32] I died in a war

[34:33] and I'm coming back

[34:34] made out of squids

[34:35] and electricity.

[34:36] This time he goes,

[34:37] oh,

[34:37] I knew your dad in the military

[34:38] and guess what?

[34:39] He didn't die.

[34:40] He's still alive.

[34:41] Wheel him out, everybody.

[34:42] And they wheel him out

[34:43] and he is in

[34:44] a catatonic state

[34:46] that is so offensively funny

[34:49] in the way that he has

[34:50] contorted his face and hands.

[34:52] It's like he has boneitis.

Dan McCoy

[34:54] There's one part

[34:55] where he like contorts

[34:56] for a while

[34:57] and then his arm

[34:59] is just like stuck up

[35:00] in the air

[35:00] for a long time.

Elliott Kalan

[35:02] And he's got a look

[35:02] on his face that

[35:03] I don't want to be

[35:04] offensive myself,

[35:05] but for lack of a better word,

[35:07] for lack of a better way

[35:07] to describe it,

[35:08] it is the way that kids

[35:09] when I was growing up

[35:10] would pretend

[35:11] to be mentally challenged people.

[35:12] Like it has that look about it.

[35:14] And it is,

[35:15] and there's part of me

[35:16] I cannot believe he thinks

[35:17] he's getting away with this.

[35:19] That this is not going to be

[35:19] either hilarious

[35:20] or offensive or both,

[35:22] you know?

[35:22] Yeah.

[35:23] Anyway,

[35:23] there's a long scene

[35:24] of Banks,

[35:25] a very repetitive scene.

[35:26] It feels like

[35:27] they keep getting stuck

[35:28] on the same pages

[35:29] of the script

[35:29] and going back

[35:30] over and over again

[35:31] where Banks is like,

[35:32] go over,

[35:33] he doesn't remember you.

[35:34] He doesn't remember you.

[35:35] He doesn't know he's your dad.

[35:36] He doesn't know.

[35:37] Go over and say he'll love him.

[35:38] Go over and say

[35:39] you're his son.

[35:40] Go over,

[35:40] because you're his son.

[35:41] You're his son.

[35:42] He doesn't remember you,

[35:43] but you're his son.

[35:43] Go over and say,

[35:44] oh,

[35:44] I love you,

[35:45] dad.

[35:45] And Banks will then twitch

[35:46] and fall on,

[35:47] or the dad will twitch

[35:48] and throw a fit

[35:48] and fall on the floor.

[35:49] And Banks is like,

[35:50] Marks,

[35:51] pick him up.

[35:51] Marks,

[35:52] get him back in the chair.

[35:53] Marks,

[35:53] put him back in the chair.

[35:54] It's working.

[35:55] And he goes,

[35:55] do it again.

[35:56] He doesn't remember you.

[35:57] He doesn't remember he has a son.

[35:58] Go,

[36:00] Go tell him that you love him.

[36:01] Tell him you're his son.

[36:02] I'm your son.

[36:02] He throws a fit again,

[36:03] and he falls out.

[36:04] Marks,

[36:04] put him back.

[36:05] Get over here,

[36:06] Marks.

[36:06] Put him back in his chair.

[36:07] It is ridiculous.

[36:07] Also,

[36:07] every once in a while,

Dan McCoy

[36:09] they'll cut to a second angle

[36:11] of like,

[36:12] like the angle is that of a camera

[36:14] that like maybe they forgot

[36:16] was turned on.

[36:16] It doesn't make any sense.

[36:18] But it's also like,

[36:19] the video quality

[36:20] is significantly worse

[36:21] than the already not great

[36:22] video quality.

Elliott Kalan

[36:23] I'm like,

[36:23] why is this other camera here?

[36:26] But it's this scene

[36:27] that goes on forever.

[36:28] At one point during it,

[36:29] Banks goes,

[36:30] this probably looks worse

[36:31] than it is.

[36:32] Like,

[36:32] I don't know.

[36:33] It looks pretty bad.

[36:35] But he keeps saying,

[36:36] It looks better

Dan McCoy

[36:37] when he's made out of squid

Elliott Kalan

[36:39] Yeah,

[36:40] that's true.

[36:40] He just keeps going,

[36:41] But you're his son.

[36:42] You're his son.

[36:43] Finally,

[36:44] now it's time for the training montage.

[36:47] Sage is going to do it.

[36:48] He's going to surf around the world

[36:50] in order to help his dad

[36:51] surf humanity's fears

[36:53] to an original rock song

[36:55] called Going Alone,

[36:56] which again is the best thing

[36:57] in the movie.

[36:57] We see Sage paddleboarding.

[36:59] We see him running.

[37:00] We see him weight training

[37:01] in a pool

[37:01] where he's got two weights

[37:02] in his hands.

[37:03] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[37:03] I forgot about that part.

[37:04] And he's completely submerged

[37:04] running back and forth

[37:06] along the bottom of the pool,

[37:07] which I might try.

[37:08] That seems like a really cool way

[37:10] to train.

[37:11] But we get the full song

[37:13] of Going Alone

[37:14] and I wish I remembered

[37:15] any of the lyrics.

Dan McCoy

[37:16] I looked up,

[37:17] so in the credits,

[37:22] it said that this is

[37:22] sung by Carol Connors.

[37:25] Now,

Elliott Kalan

[37:25] the wife of Kurt Connors,

[37:27] the lizard, yeah.

[37:28] Well,

Dan McCoy

[37:28] when I Google Carol Connors,

[37:30] this is either

[37:31] the American singer-songwriter

[37:34] who was the lead vocalist

[37:35] on To Know Him

[37:36] is to Love Him

[37:37] or this is

[37:38] American pornographic

[37:39] film actress

[37:40] Carol Connors.

[37:41] I don't know

[37:41] which Carol Connors

Elliott Kalan

[37:42] this is.

[37:43] Which,

[37:44] it's hard to know

[37:44] which one

[37:45] a USC physics professor

[37:47] would get for his movie.

[37:48] Yeah,

[37:49] And it's not Carol O'Connor,

[37:51] TV's beloved Archie Bunker,

[37:52] right?

[37:52] No,

[37:53] it's not.

[37:54] I'm not familiar

[37:54] with the work of either

[37:55] of those Carol Connors.

Dan McCoy

[37:56] But I like this song

[37:58] as Stuart,

[37:59] not as into it,

[38:00] but this is like,

[38:01] it's like surf rock

[38:02] but kind of with like

[38:03] a goth

Elliott Kalan

[38:04] sort of feel almost.

[38:05] It's like a dark,

[38:06] a dark emotional surf rock.

Stuart Wellington

[38:08] Yeah.

[38:08] Yeah,

[38:08] like the song you'd play

[38:09] during Dick Dale's funeral.

Elliott Kalan

[38:12] Exactly.

[38:13] Thank you.

[38:13] Exactly.

[38:14] You put your,

[38:15] because he is going alone

[38:16] at that point.

[38:16] He's going alone

[38:17] into the Grey Havens

[38:18] the other side.

[38:19] Yeah.

[38:20] I mean,

[38:20] we all die alone,

[38:21] even Dick Dale,

[38:22] you know.

[38:22] You can't take it with you.

Dan McCoy

[38:24] Even Dick Dale

[38:24] can't take his guitar with him.

[38:26] Can you slow down

[38:27] the surf rock too?

[38:28] Like,

[38:28] not really.

[38:29] It's kind of,

[38:30] you gotta double pick everything.

[38:31] It's all jangly and shit.

[38:33] It's kind of not really

Elliott Kalan

[38:33] surf rock.

[38:34] I mean,

[38:35] he's gotta shred.

[38:35] Like the Dick Dale album says,

[38:37] better shred than dead.

[38:38] You know,

[38:38] unfortunately now he no longer

[38:39] has that opportunity.

[38:40] He doesn't have that choice.

[38:43] God made it for him.

[38:45] We've all,

[38:45] we're all familiar

[38:46] with Miserloo,

[38:47] but now there's real

[38:48] misery

[38:49] that we're feeling

[38:50] now that we're beloved

[38:51] Dick Dale's gone.

Stuart Wellington

[38:52] I love that you're doing

[38:53] material while doing

[38:55] his eulogy.

Elliott Kalan

[38:55] They shouldn't have invited me

[38:56] to do Dick Dale's music.

[38:57] And I genuinely like

[38:58] Dick Dale's music

[38:59] quite a bit.

[39:00] But they shouldn't have

[39:00] invited me to do his eulogy

[39:01] because I'm going to throw

[39:02] some jokes in there.

[39:03] You know,

[39:03] and I don't know him.

[39:04] I don't really know him.

[39:05] You're a comedy writer.

[39:05] They knew that.

[39:06] They knew that going,

[39:07] they knew who they hired

[39:08] to do the job

[39:09] and they can't look at me

[39:11] oh,

[39:11] don't do what you do.

[39:12] I got two settings,

[39:13] on and off,

[39:14] and on is funny.

[39:15] So,

[39:15] you know,

[39:15] that's all I can do.

[39:19] I'm going to try to make it.

[39:20] That's what Elliot says

Dan McCoy

[39:21] when he walks into any room.

[39:24] Look,

[39:24] I got two settings,

[39:25] on and off,

[39:25] and on's funny,

[39:26] so deal with it.

Elliott Kalan

[39:27] Deal with it,

[39:28] people.

[39:28] Come on.

[39:29] Sorry,

[39:29] the family Dale.

[39:30] I know this isn't what you wanted,

[39:32] you know,

[39:32] for your patriarch's funeral,

[39:33] but this is what you got,

[39:34] you know.

[39:35] What is this,

[39:35] some kind of funeral?

[39:36] Okay,

[39:36] let's do it.

[39:39] Look,

[39:39] on my card,

[39:40] it doesn't say

[39:41] serious eulogies.

[39:42] It says comedian.

[39:43] I don't know why you hired me.

[39:44] I'd say you thought

[39:45] you were getting

[39:45] a different Elliot Kalin,

[39:46] but there are no other people

[39:47] with that name

[39:48] that I'm aware of.

[39:49] Actually,

[39:50] that's not true.

[39:50] I once Googled myself,

[39:52] and I Google myself

[39:53] all the time.

[39:53] Not the one time.

[39:54] At night.

[39:55] Yeah,

[39:55] well,

[39:55] I mean,

[39:56] at night,

[39:56] when I'm looking,

[39:56] when I'm puttering around,

[39:58] and I need to find out

[39:58] who else hates my run

[39:59] on Harley Quinn.

[40:02] I would Google myself,

[40:04] and I would find...

Stuart Wellington

[40:04] Probably normal people.

Elliott Kalan

[40:06] There was like a,

[40:07] there was a male model

[40:08] in Australia

[40:09] who had the same name as me,

[40:10] spelled the same way,

[40:11] but it's a,

[40:13] but I've never found

[40:14] any more information.

[40:14] You guys probably get

[40:15] confused for each other,

[40:16] but I gotta Google it.

[40:17] All the time.

[40:17] People say,

[40:18] g'day, Elliot,

[40:18] we need you for that

[40:19] Vogue Australia shoot,

[40:21] and I'm like,

[40:21] you got the wrong guy.

[40:22] You know,

[40:23] anyway.

[40:23] But I'm in,

[40:24] and then I get another call.

[40:25] Hello?

[40:25] Yes,

[40:26] yes,

[40:26] our beloved,

[40:27] our beloved father,

[40:29] Dick,

[40:29] died.

[40:30] Dick,

[40:30] yeah,

[40:30] we need you to talk

[40:31] at his funeral.

[40:32] Of course,

[40:32] yes,

[40:32] I'll be right there.

[40:34] So we get an amazing scene.

[40:36] This is,

[40:37] I think,

[40:38] my second favorite scene

[40:39] in the movie

[40:40] after the long

[40:41] 40-minute monologue

[40:43] or however it is.

[40:44] Mm-hmm.

[40:45] Banks is sitting

[40:46] with a guy

[40:46] in a captain's hat

[40:47] who is clearly

[40:48] supposed to be

[40:49] in the Navy.

[40:50] Behind him is what

[40:51] I think is a green screen,

[40:53] right?

[40:53] Yes.

[40:53] Well,

Stuart Wellington

[40:53] based on the bird

[40:55] that occasionally

[40:56] flies right at the screen

[40:57] on a loop.

Elliott Kalan

[40:58] Yeah,

[40:58] exactly.

[40:59] But I wasn't paying

[41:00] that as close attention

[41:01] because I was trying

[41:01] to get myself

[41:03] in the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[41:03] And they're sitting

[41:04] on a wooden board

[41:06] that's on milk crates.

Dan McCoy

[41:08] Yeah.

[41:08] Just really quickly,

[41:09] Elliot,

[41:10] congratulations.

[41:10] You destroyed

[41:11] this guy's SEO.

[41:12] I cannot find him.

[41:13] Oh,

[41:13] good,

[41:13] thank you.

[41:14] You are the prime

[41:15] Elliot Kalin.

Elliott Kalan

[41:16] I think what put it

[41:16] over the top

[41:17] was that magic card

[41:18] based on my

[41:18] Soron Spider-Man panel.

[41:20] Yeah.

[41:20] I think that's

[41:20] what did it,

[41:21] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[41:21] So many people

[41:22] sent that to me

[41:23] this is the way

[41:24] to get this information

[41:25] to Elliot.

[41:27] Send it to the

[41:27] nerdiest flopper.

Elliott Kalan

[41:29] I gotta get a copy

[41:30] of that card.

[41:30] I don't know

[41:31] if it's out yet.

[41:32] But anyway,

[41:32] it's so funny

[41:34] because my older son,

[41:36] Sammy,

[41:36] he has magic cards

[41:38] we gotta go to the

[41:38] card store tomorrow

[41:39] and get that.

[41:40] And I'm like,

[41:40] well,

[41:40] I don't think

[41:40] it's out yet,

[41:41] but also like,

[41:42] what are we gonna do,

[41:43] just buy packs

[41:44] and hope we get it?

[41:44] yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:46] Oh yeah,

[41:47] that was a mistake

[41:47] right there.

[41:49] Finally,

[41:49] the grift

Elliott Kalan

[41:50] has come together.

[41:51] And I'll just keep

[41:51] all the other cards

[41:52] that aren't the card

[41:52] based on your work.

[41:53] So anyway,

[41:54] this is one of the,

[41:55] maybe one of the funniest lines

[41:57] in the history of movies.

[41:58] And I wish I had written it down

[41:59] word for word,

[42:01] but it was too late

[42:01] and I didn't do it.

[42:02] But it's something like,

[42:03] let me get this straight.

[42:05] So,

[42:06] he was a brainwashed assassin

[42:07] who went on a covert ops mission

[42:09] and died on it.

[42:10] And now he has a son

[42:11] who's come back

[42:12] and you wanna give him

[42:13] government medical

[42:14] health insurance

[42:15] because his dad

[42:16] was in the military

[42:16] as a killer?

[42:18] you got it.

[42:18] And I was like,

[42:19] and all of this is said

[42:20] as if this is information

[42:21] that has been doled out

[42:23] over the course of the movie

[42:24] and it's not being dumped

[42:25] right in our laps.

Dan McCoy

[42:26] Well,

[42:26] I mean,

[42:26] it is the most egregious

[42:28] example of like,

[42:29] you're telling me,

[42:31] like,

[42:31] I'm gonna repeat back

[42:33] a thing

[42:34] that apparently

[42:34] we both know

[42:35] so the audience

[42:36] can hear it

[42:37] and it's gonna be

[42:37] so long.

[42:39] Like,

[42:40] it is amazing

[42:41] how long this line goes on.

Stuart Wellington

[42:42] And then,

[42:42] of course,

[42:43] what is this

[42:43] when Banks sweetens

[42:45] his,

[42:45] sweetens the deal

[42:46] by handing him

[42:47] a like,

[42:47] tiny little flask

[42:48] of fucking Hennessy.

[42:49] The smallest little bottle

Elliott Kalan

[42:51] he's like,

[42:51] he's like Hennessy Cognac

[42:53] special stuff

[42:54] and it is such a small bottle

[42:55] and it's,

[42:56] I don't know what it's supposed to.

[42:57] It's also fucking Hennessy.

[42:58] It's like,

Stuart Wellington

[42:59] I mean,

[43:00] it ain't cheap

Elliott Kalan

[43:00] but it's like,

[43:01] that's not a particularly big bottle.

[43:03] Yeah.

[43:03] And it's also not hard,

[43:05] it's not like,

[43:05] oh,

[43:06] it's,

[43:06] yeah,

[43:06] Hennessy,

[43:06] you can't just walk into a store

[43:08] and buy that,

[43:08] you know.

Dan McCoy

[43:09] Okay,

[43:09] this is from like,

[43:10] another country

[43:10] from,

[43:11] it's 100 years old

[43:12] or like,

[43:13] you know,

[43:13] whatever.

[43:13] Like,

[43:14] it's just like,

[43:15] yeah,

[43:15] it's Hennessy.

[43:16] Like,

[43:16] it's,

[43:16] yeah,

[43:17] you can buy it.

Elliott Kalan

[43:17] he doesn't really need,

[43:18] it turns out,

[43:19] as the scene goes on,

[43:20] he doesn't really need to bribe him

[43:21] with liquor anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[43:23] It's not like,

[43:24] yeah,

[43:24] the,

[43:25] like,

[43:25] if the end of the holdover

[43:26] is he took a tiny little bottle

[43:28] of Hennessy

[43:29] from the Dean

Elliott Kalan

[43:30] or whatever.

[43:31] Now,

[43:31] this,

[43:32] so,

[43:32] the situation here is,

[43:33] so,

[43:34] I thought,

[43:35] so earlier banks like,

[43:36] I'll give you the money

[43:36] to surf the world.

[43:37] Here,

[43:38] he seems to be trying

[43:39] to put the son

[43:40] on his dad's health insurance,

[43:42] which,

[43:42] correct me if I'm wrong,

[43:43] I could be wrong.

[43:44] He should be on already.

[43:46] Like,

[43:46] it should be just a matter of,

[43:47] oh yeah,

[43:47] he has a son,

[43:48] let's put him on his dad's health insurance

[43:49] because as we've established,

[43:50] the dad is not dead.

[43:51] He's in the care

[43:52] of a military medical establishment.

[43:54] So,

[43:54] it seems like all those tools

[43:55] should be there,

Stuart Wellington

[43:56] but.

[43:56] And the title of the movie

[43:57] illustrates that he is still

[43:59] a minor effectively,

[44:01] right?

[44:01] He's a teen.

[44:02] By calling him a teen.

[44:02] Yeah,

[44:02] he's a teen.

Elliott Kalan

[44:03] I mean,

[44:03] he should be on that insurance

[44:04] probably until he's about 21,

[44:05] probably.

[44:06] But,

[44:06] and all the different

[44:08] military advantage,

[44:09] credit,

[44:10] and loan opportunities

[44:11] that come with that.

[44:12] So,

[44:13] this is stated though

[44:14] as if it's not new information.

[44:15] This is the third explanation

[44:16] we begin for this dad

[44:17] now that he was not just

[44:18] in the military,

[44:19] but was like,

[44:20] I don't,

[44:21] I'm trying to remember

[44:21] if they say he was brainwashed

[44:22] or not.

[44:23] Sort of military experiment,

[44:23] yeah.

[44:23] He was like an experimental assassin

[44:26] who was turned into this

[44:28] on a mission,

[44:29] gone can't on a mission.

[44:30] But the,

[44:31] the,

[44:31] the guy's like,

[44:32] I'll only do this

[44:33] if you can prove to me

[44:34] that he's his son.

[44:36] And also,

[44:36] I want to know if his prediction

[44:38] of where storms are going to hit

[44:39] is accurate.

[44:41] it's totally accurate.

[44:42] And he hands him a manila folder

[44:43] full of envelopes

[44:44] and I could not read what it said.

[44:45] It says classified.

[44:45] It says classified,

[44:46] but it's like written in marker.

[44:47] Yeah.

[44:48] And he pulls them out

[44:49] and they just look at the documents

[44:51] for a while,

[44:52] not saying anything.

[44:53] It's just watching people read papers

[44:56] it's all here.

[44:57] It's all here.

[44:58] Let's do it.

[44:59] I think what we're about to do

[45:00] is the best,

[45:02] most important thing

[45:02] we've ever done.

[45:03] And I was like,

[45:04] by the end of the scene,

[45:05] I had so much less understanding

[45:07] of what was happening

[45:08] and what they were trying to accomplish

[45:09] than at the beginning of the scene.

Dan McCoy

[45:10] And it's a small detail

[45:11] in an otherwise,

[45:13] of course,

[45:13] perfect movie.

[45:14] But when they put the paper back

[45:15] in the envelope,

[45:16] it's clearly just a sheep,

[45:17] a blank paper.

[45:19] Yes.

[45:19] There's nothing on those things.

Elliott Kalan

[45:21] It is a,

[45:22] this scene,

[45:23] it is so,

[45:24] it's funny when a movie

[45:25] that is clearly meant to be

[45:27] a meditation

[45:28] on the human condition

[45:29] suddenly starts to act

[45:31] like it is a movie

[45:31] with a plot.

[45:32] Like a taut thriller.

[45:34] A taut thriller

[45:35] about a government secret.

[45:36] And you're like,

[45:36] what?

[45:38] It's such a bizarre,

[45:40] this is when the movie

[45:40] refuses to catch you.

[45:42] When the movie throws you

[45:42] in the air

[45:43] and then just walks away

[45:44] and you hit the ground

[45:44] and you're like,

[45:44] wait,

[45:45] he's a government assassin?

[45:46] I don't understand.

[45:47] And that leads to

[45:48] the creepiest scene

[45:49] in the whole movie

[45:50] to me.

[45:51] And the one,

[45:51] this is the one scene

[45:52] okay,

[45:53] well now I,

[45:53] I have a moral issue

[45:55] with this movie.

[45:55] Yeah,

[45:56] of course.

[45:56] This is when the movie

[45:57] goes from,

[45:58] this guy's got some crazy ideas

[45:59] about fear and God

[46:01] and what,

[46:01] you know who had some crazy ideas?

[46:02] His name was Jesus

[46:03] and I want to tell you about him.

[46:05] And this is when it gets into like,

[46:06] oh,

[46:06] this is,

[46:07] this is a negative philosophy.

[46:09] This is a,

[46:09] this is a bad thing.

[46:10] This is poisonous.

[46:10] And I'm just glad

[46:11] no one will ever see this movie

[46:13] in any sincere sense.

[46:14] This is kind of the moment

[46:16] now I don't mind

[46:17] making fun of this

[46:19] fucking guy's movie.

[46:20] So Sage meets with this guy

[46:21] who I don't think

[46:22] has given a name

[46:23] in the movie.

[46:24] He's super creepy

[46:26] oh yeah,

[46:26] I was like a protege

[46:27] of your dad's

[46:28] during the war.

[46:29] And he talks about how

[46:30] his dad taught him

[46:32] that sometimes

[46:33] you have to kill.

[46:34] There's always a time to kill.

[46:36] And so,

[46:37] and just like red blood cells,

[46:38] just like white blood cells

[46:39] kill bad bacteria.

[46:41] There are bad people

[46:42] that you just have to kill

[46:43] and it's not a sin

[46:44] to kill bad guys.

[46:45] If,

[46:46] because they're bad,

[46:47] so you have to kill them.

[46:47] And we're good.

[46:49] And we're good.

[46:50] And,

[46:50] and it was like,

[46:51] I,

[46:51] it's,

[46:51] and this is something

[46:52] that is such a point.

[46:53] And I think part of the reason

[46:54] that I was so disgusted

[46:55] by this is because

[46:56] this is the,

[46:57] this is the rhetoric

[46:57] that our government

[46:58] does right now.

[46:59] Where Pete Hegseth

[47:00] just the other day

[47:01] had that thing

[47:01] where he's like,

[47:02] we're,

[47:02] our job is to do bad things

[47:04] to bad people.

[47:05] It's like,

[47:05] fuck you,

[47:06] shithead.

[47:06] Your job is to protect

[47:07] the American people

[47:08] and hopefully people

[47:09] of other countries.

[47:10] Your job,

[47:10] your job is not to enjoy

[47:11] the act of killing

[47:12] and to get,

[47:13] get your rocks off

[47:14] murdering people.

[47:15] Your,

[47:15] your job is to

[47:16] regrettably

[47:17] maybe kill sometimes

[47:18] in the act of defense

[47:19] or because you have to.

[47:20] But there's such a,

[47:21] this idea of like,

[47:22] it's not a sin

[47:23] if you're killing a bad guy.

[47:24] It's always a sin.

[47:25] Like there's just,

[47:26] sometimes you have to commit a sin.

[47:28] He also goes,

[47:29] anyway,

[47:29] my dad,

[47:29] your dad saved my life

[47:30] before he single-handedly

[47:32] blew up a ship

[47:33] and he died

[47:33] in the explosion of the ship.

[47:35] And it's like,

[47:35] we know he didn't die.

[47:37] We saw him already.

[47:38] So what is going on?

[47:39] And then immediately

[47:40] without a transition,

[47:41] the guy's like,

[47:42] you have to serve for your dad.

[47:44] yeah,

[47:44] I do.

[47:44] And I'm like,

[47:45] at what point,

[47:46] at this point,

[47:46] what are we supposed to

[47:48] understand is happening

[47:49] with his dad?

[47:50] Like what,

[47:50] we've been given

[47:50] all these branching possibilities.

[47:52] Like the Joker

[47:53] is telling us

[47:53] his origin story

[47:54] in different ways.

[47:55] Like what are we supposed

[47:56] to understand

[47:57] about what's going on

[47:58] in this movie?

Stuart Wellington

[47:59] And I just,

[48:00] I mean,

[48:00] we're supposed to know

[48:00] that he's awesome,

Elliott Kalan

[48:02] right?

[48:02] Yes,

[48:02] that he is awesome.

[48:03] And that he's full of wisdom.

[48:05] It is so funny too.

[48:06] It's such a dad fantasy too

[48:07] to be like,

[48:08] you know what?

[48:09] I have this wisdom

[48:10] that I have to share

[48:11] with my son.

[48:12] It is so deep.

[48:13] It's going to change his life.

[48:14] And you know what?

[48:15] I was the single best

[48:17] government assassin

[48:18] that ever existed.

[48:19] And I was,

[48:20] and I nobly gave my life,

[48:22] maybe not,

[48:23] in the act of blowing up

[48:24] a ship single thing

[48:25] because I'm also Rambo.

[48:26] I'm not just the greatest

[48:27] philosopher.

[48:28] I'm also Rambo.

Dan McCoy

[48:29] And I've also imparted

[48:31] to my son everything

[48:31] he needs to know.

[48:32] And now I don't need

[48:33] to hang out with him anymore.

[48:33] And now I can leave.

[48:35] And now I can leave

Elliott Kalan

[48:35] and go somewhere else.

[48:36] You know,

[48:37] it is a,

[48:38] I mean,

[48:38] they could have called

[48:39] this movie,

[48:40] Dad,

[48:40] Man Commits Fantasy to Film.

[48:42] Like there's so much.

[48:44] Because even the act

[48:45] of seeing a beach whale

[48:47] and wanting to walk around it

[48:48] and look at it really close

[48:49] is a very dad thing to do.

[48:51] Like there's so.

[48:52] Hey son,

[48:52] come over.

[48:53] Come over.

[48:54] Take a look at this.

[48:54] You're never going to see this again.

Stuart Wellington

[48:55] Let's pop the hood

[48:56] on this bad boy

[48:57] and check it out.

Elliott Kalan

[48:59] Just crawl in there.

[49:00] Yeah, let's operate.

[49:01] Just crawl in there.

Stuart Wellington

[49:02] What are you working with?

Elliott Kalan

[49:03] You know he's looking at it

[49:05] pretending he knows anything

[49:06] about what's inside of it.

[49:07] Oh yeah,

[49:08] yeah,

[49:08] yeah.

[49:09] Oh,

[49:09] interesting.

[49:09] Yeah,

[49:09] the lungs are like that.

[49:10] Yeah,

[49:11] the lungs are like that.

[49:12] See this?

[49:12] Yeah,

[49:12] that's how it keeps

[49:13] the krill in

[49:15] because it eats krill.

[49:16] It's a big thing

[49:16] but it eats tiny things.

Dan McCoy

[49:18] It filters through his,

[49:20] it's not teeth.

[49:21] There's something in there.

[49:22] Yeah,

[49:22] sometimes I'm not a filter.

Elliott Kalan

[49:24] Everybody says

[49:25] this is a big fish.

[49:26] It's not a fish.

[49:27] It's a mammal

[49:27] like you or me.

[49:28] Not a fish,

[49:28] just like you.

[49:29] And you know

[49:30] there's a marine biologist

[49:30] who's lecturing

[49:31] about the whale

[49:32] and he's going,

[49:33] yeah,

[49:34] yeah,

[49:34] uh-huh,

[49:35] as if he knew

[49:35] all those things already.

[49:38] And does anyone

[49:39] have any questions

[49:39] about the whale?

[49:40] Yeah,

[49:40] well you know

[49:40] a lot of people

[49:41] think whales are fish

[49:42] but they're not fish.

[49:43] They're mammals.

[49:43] Thank you.

[49:44] Yeah,

[49:44] thank you for sharing that.

[49:45] I appreciate that.

[49:46] Thank you for that question.

[49:48] Yeah,

[49:48] well I'm,

[49:48] I actually,

[49:49] I have another,

[49:50] this isn't so much a question

[49:51] but like my family

[49:51] originally comes from whales.

[49:53] Okay,

[49:54] spelled differently.

[49:55] It's not related to this

[49:56] but you know,

[49:56] thank you for,

[49:57] and the tour guide

[49:59] or docent or whatever

[50:00] has to accept this

[50:02] and assimilate it

[50:04] somehow

[50:04] into normal human conversation.

[50:06] that's this guy.

[50:09] This movie is the,

[50:10] and I want to,

[50:11] I have to go back

[50:12] and reread,

[50:13] really read through

[50:13] that interview with him.

[50:14] I didn't have the time

[50:15] to go through it

[50:15] in detail.

[50:16] Anyway,

[50:17] but this creepy guy

[50:18] who tells him

[50:20] there's always a time to kill.

[50:21] There's always a time

[50:22] when killing needs to happen.

[50:23] He pushes him back

[50:24] into the direction

[50:25] of surfing for his dad

[50:26] and then in time lapse

[50:27] we get to,

[50:27] I think the most interesting

[50:28] part of the movie

[50:29] to be honest.

[50:30] Yeah,

[50:30] easily.

[50:30] In time lapse

[50:31] you're just watching someone

[50:32] make a new surfboard

[50:33] for Sage

[50:33] and it's pretty cool

[50:34] to see how a surfboard

[50:35] gets made.

Dan McCoy

[50:35] And it's also clear

[50:37] that Sage is like

[50:38] two,

[50:38] three years younger

[50:39] than the rest of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[50:41] Again,

[50:42] this is clearly footage

[50:43] that was shot for,

[50:44] I don't know if it was

[50:44] this project

[50:44] or another project.

[50:45] Just for fun,

[50:45] yeah.

[50:46] It was hours of footage

[50:47] of a surfboard being made

[50:48] which is cool to see

[50:49] all sped up

[50:50] because it's like,

[50:50] oh,

[50:51] I'm like,

[50:51] I didn't know

[50:51] that that's how they did it.

[50:52] You know,

[50:52] if this was the whole movie

[50:54] I'd be like,

[50:54] this is a great movie.

[50:55] I recommend it.

[50:56] You know,

[50:56] I'd recommend it

[50:57] as a YouTube video

[50:58] how surfboards are made.

[51:00] But you know.

[51:01] Suddenly,

[51:02] Sage is in an Asian country.

[51:04] I'm not going to.

[51:05] Bali,

[51:05] I believe.

[51:05] Bali.

[51:05] Bali,

[51:06] okay.

[51:06] That's what we found out.

[51:07] And he's meeting monks.

[51:08] He's getting stick insects

[51:09] placed on his shirt.

[51:10] Again,

[51:11] looks younger

[51:11] than in the previous footage.

[51:13] And he's clearly

[51:13] just on vacation.

[51:15] And then he goes surfing.

[51:16] Well,

Stuart Wellington

[51:16] that's the effect of him

[51:18] losing his fear.

[51:19] Yeah.

[51:20] That he has become younger.

[51:21] The fear is the mind killer.

Elliott Kalan

[51:22] Yeah.

[51:22] You let the fear

[51:23] pass through you

[51:24] and when you walk through

[51:25] you're younger

[51:26] and have stick insects on you.

[51:27] Yeah,

[51:27] of course.

Stuart Wellington

[51:28] That's why his father

[51:28] who has no fear

[51:29] looks super young

[51:30] all the time.

[51:31] And well.

[51:33] Very well.

Elliott Kalan

[51:33] Looks very healthy

[51:35] and invigorated.

[51:36] Yeah.

[51:37] Normal.

[51:39] Looks,

[51:39] looks,

[51:40] looks,

Elliott Kalan

[51:40] leading man like.

[51:41] V-rile.

[51:42] Yeah.

[51:43] So,

[51:44] he's just a middle-aged man.

[51:45] Rational.

[51:46] He's just an older

[51:46] middle-aged man.

[51:47] That's it.

[51:48] You know.

[51:48] And now I'm going to find out

[51:49] that he was younger than me

[51:50] when he made this movie somehow.

[51:51] This is the thing

[51:52] I'm constantly finding out.

[51:53] I mean,

[51:54] that's one of the things

[51:55] that gets me so much about

[51:56] like Pete Hegseth

[51:57] and why I've mentioned him

[51:57] many times in this podcast.

[51:59] Mostly because he's a piece of shit

[52:00] and I hate him.

[52:01] And I wish,

[52:01] and it horrifies me

[52:02] that he's in charge

[52:03] of the kinds of weapons

[52:04] that can kill lots of people.

[52:05] But also that he's like

[52:06] a year older than me

[52:07] and I'm like,

[52:07] dude,

[52:08] how do you have the mindset

[52:09] of a 19-year-old

[52:11] when you're older than me?

[52:12] Like,

[52:12] I don't understand.

[52:13] Anyway,

[52:13] you're one year old.

[52:14] I got some bad news for you.

Stuart Wellington

[52:16] What?

[52:16] I interact with a lot of people

[52:17] in the world

[52:18] and there's a lot of people

[52:19] like that.

Elliott Kalan

[52:20] That's true.

[52:20] Anyway,

[52:21] what you're saying is

[52:21] I should make a movie

[52:22] about my wife's philosophies

[52:24] just so I can share it

[52:25] with the world.

[52:25] I feel like this would be

[52:27] a good way to read it.

[52:27] I mean,

[52:28] you could connect with your kids.

[52:29] I could connect with my kids

[52:31] and they would never forgive me for it.

[52:32] Yeah.

[52:33] So,

[52:33] one night,

[52:36] I thought the whole movie

[52:37] was just going to be surf footage

[52:38] but then you have one night,

[52:39] Sage is sitting with some guys

[52:40] his own age roughly.

[52:41] Oh,

[52:41] right.

[52:42] Talking about surfing

[52:43] the surfing's going to be

[52:44] pretty dangerous tomorrow.

[52:44] Those waves are going to be

[52:45] pretty big.

[52:46] Okay,

[52:47] then it's back to the surfing footage.

Stuart Wellington

[52:48] And Sage is like,

[52:50] you know what,

[52:50] you got to go in

[52:52] and no fear,

[52:53] hesitation is defeat.

Elliott Kalan

[52:55] He's just like,

[52:56] he's just got to go in

[52:56] and dominate that wave.

[52:57] Just fuck that wave,

[52:59] you know,

[52:59] just do it.

[52:59] There's like,

Dan McCoy

[53:00] such a long montage

[53:01] of just like dissolving

[53:02] from like one bit

[53:04] of surfing footage to another

[53:05] but then like in the middle of it,

[53:06] like they really briefly dissolve

[53:08] to like the military base again

[53:10] but then back to the surfing footage

[53:11] and I was so confused.

[53:13] I'm like,

[53:13] why was that in there?

Stuart Wellington

[53:16] I thought it was going to change.

[53:17] And all these sequences

[53:18] are bridged by dissolves.

[53:21] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[53:21] It's a lot of dissolves.

[53:22] Sometimes it's jet ski footage.

[53:24] Sometimes it's footage

[53:24] of other people surfing

[53:25] but it's mostly footage

[53:26] of stage surfing.

[53:27] And that moment

[53:28] when the military installation

[53:29] you see again,

[53:30] it's one of those things

[53:31] where it's like,

[53:31] I forget that everyone

[53:34] when they hear a story

[53:36] has a certain understanding

[53:37] of how a story works

[53:38] that they can react to emotionally.

[53:40] But in the act

[53:41] of creating a story,

[53:42] I forget,

[53:42] oh,

[53:43] not everybody knows

[53:44] how to do that.

[53:45] There are times

[53:45] when I'm like,

[53:46] my job is ridiculous.

[53:48] Anyone can do this.

[53:49] Why do I get paid any money

[53:50] to write jokes

[53:51] and make up stories

[53:52] about things?

[53:53] And then I see a movie

[53:53] like this and I'm like,

[53:54] oh,

[53:54] I guess not everybody

[53:55] can do it.

[53:56] Wait a minute.

[53:56] I do have a skill.

[53:58] But anyway,

[53:59] the surfing footage

[54:00] goes on for a long time.

[54:02] And this again,

[54:04] where I started to like

[54:05] really ride that

[54:06] double playback button.

[54:08] And there's something

[54:09] like 15 or 20 minutes

[54:10] of just nonstop surfing

[54:11] and Chetsky footage.

[54:12] And then it freezes

[54:13] on a still image of surfing.

[54:15] And above that,

[54:16] half dissolved,

[54:17] superimposed,

[54:17] is footage of an American flag

[54:19] being folded

[54:20] as if at a military funeral.

[54:22] The end.

[54:23] And then the credits,

[54:24] they thank the members

[54:26] of a local Boy Scout troop

Dan McCoy

[54:27] for folding the flag.

[54:29] I do remember that part.

Elliott Kalan

[54:31] But it is a...

Dan McCoy

[54:32] They're credited

[54:33] as hands folding the flag.

Elliott Kalan

[54:34] That's right.

[54:35] That's right.

[54:36] It is...

[54:36] There is so much

[54:37] surfing footage

[54:38] at the end of this.

[54:38] And it's one of those things

[54:39] where there's a song playing

[54:40] and the song is playing.

[54:42] You're like,

[54:42] oh, well,

[54:42] when the song ends,

[54:43] the surfing will end.

[54:44] And the song ends,

[54:45] new song starts up,

[54:46] not done with the footage,

[54:47] got to throw another song on there.

Dan McCoy

[54:48] It's kind of relaxing.

[54:49] You know,

[54:50] this again could be

[54:51] just like a YouTube video

[54:52] you toss on

[54:53] to like chill out.

Elliott Kalan

[54:53] Yes, it is.

[54:55] I mean,

[54:55] to be fair,

[54:56] when you're watching it,

[54:57] you are never under

[54:58] any assumption

[54:59] that the story

[54:59] will continue again.

[55:00] You don't think

[55:01] he's ever in danger.

[55:02] There's nothing dramatic about it.

[55:03] It is just relaxing

[55:04] surfing footage

[55:05] with music over it.

[55:06] The music doesn't have lyrics.

[55:07] There's no vocals.

[55:08] There's no dialogue.

[55:09] So this really could

[55:10] just be background.

[55:11] You go into like a

[55:12] Tommy Bahamas

[55:13] or a Margaritaville.

[55:14] This just could be

[55:15] on the screen playing.

[55:16] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[55:17] So yeah,

[55:18] thank you, Elliot,

[55:19] for taking on.

[55:21] The teen has confronted fear.

Elliott Kalan

[55:23] I think it helps that.

[55:25] So this is one that

[55:25] it shows how out of the loop

[55:27] I am in the bad movie world

[55:28] that I no longer

[55:29] kind of hear about

[55:29] these movies ahead of time

[55:31] until Dan says,

[55:32] oh, we should do this one.

[55:33] And going into it

[55:34] knowing not at all

[55:35] what to expect

[55:36] and just watching

[55:37] the dad's monologue

[55:38] unreal

[55:39] for minute after minute

[55:41] after minute

[55:41] for over a half hour.

[55:43] I was like,

[55:43] you know what?

[55:44] This is exactly the way

[55:45] I want to experience this,

[55:46] which is with no understanding

[55:48] of what is happening

[55:48] and no guess

[55:50] as to what could happen next.

Dan McCoy

[55:51] Well, that's a good,

[55:52] that is a good transition

[55:54] to final judgments

[55:55] where we say

[55:56] whether this is a good,

[55:57] bad movie,

[55:58] a bad, bad movie

[55:59] or a movie we kind of liked.

[56:01] And to pull back the curtain

[56:02] on the decision process here,

[56:04] like I,

[56:04] this year I sort of used

[56:05] my extracurricular

[56:07] bad movie viewing group

[56:10] as like a vetting process

[56:12] of like,

[56:13] Dan is the most committed

[56:15] to the lifestyle

[56:15] a lot of the three of us.

[56:17] Some would argue

[56:18] I have the least going on

[56:19] outside of the podcast.

[56:20] Some,

Elliott Kalan

[56:21] I think many might argue that.

[56:22] Yeah, that's okay.

[56:24] Emotionally,

[56:24] not at all.

[56:25] Emotionally,

[56:25] I think you have the most going on.

Dan McCoy

[56:26] Yeah.

[56:26] Oh, thank you.

[56:28] What was I saying?

[56:29] Oh, I was using it

[56:30] as sort of a vetting process

[56:31] of like what would be good

[56:32] for the small timber.

[56:34] And like,

[56:35] I had certainly heard

[56:36] this title before

[56:39] as like,

[56:40] this is like,

[56:41] you saw the billboards.

[56:42] Yeah.

[56:42] A good,

[56:43] freako,

[56:43] bad movie.

[56:45] But I didn't know

[56:45] anything about it.

[56:46] I didn't know anything

[56:46] about it before seeing it

[56:48] with my bad movie

[56:50] watching crew.

[56:50] And I will say that

[56:51] like of the two movies

[56:52] that I suggested

[56:53] that we're doing,

[56:54] the next one

[56:56] is the fun one.

[56:58] The next one,

[56:59] like I think is like

[57:00] genuinely fun

[57:02] while being like nutty.

[57:04] this is the one

[57:05] that I was like,

[57:06] well, we got to do this

[57:07] because this is a singular experience.

[57:10] And I'm going to say

[57:12] it's a good,

[57:12] bad movie,

[57:13] but it is awesome.

[57:14] But it is definitely a movie

[57:15] where you like,

[57:16] it's a long monologue

[57:18] for a lot of it.

[57:19] Like this is for

[57:20] the real weirdos,

[57:23] the sickos,

[57:24] the true sickos only.

[57:25] This is not the one

Elliott Kalan

[57:27] to show to your coworkers.

[57:28] You're like,

[57:28] oh, I heard this is really funny.

[57:29] Yeah, you got to,

[57:30] you got to know.

Stuart Wellington

[57:31] This isn't the one

[57:31] where like,

[57:32] again,

[57:32] like a guy at the bar

[57:33] is like,

[57:34] oh, you got to see this movie

[57:36] no, let me counter it.

[57:37] You need to see this movie

[57:38] and then you question

[57:39] your life.

Dan McCoy

[57:40] If you like having

[57:42] your brain broken,

[57:43] like,

[57:43] which is part of why

[57:44] I like this kind of thing

[57:46] sometimes,

[57:46] just to see something

[57:47] that is totally different

[57:49] than this is a good,

[57:51] bad movie.

Stuart Wellington

[57:51] It's like,

[57:52] the analogy I like

[57:53] is one I also use

[57:55] for describing

[57:56] the extreme heavy metal

[57:57] that I listen to,

[57:58] which is that it's kind of like

[58:00] eating spicy food,

[58:01] right?

[58:02] And that like,

[58:02] you watch your normal,

[58:03] bad movies

[58:04] and you're like,

[58:05] oh,

[58:05] your regular,

[58:05] like,

[58:06] bad Netflix thing.

[58:07] That's a simple bad movie.

[58:08] That's something

[58:08] with a little bit of heat.

[58:09] But sometimes,

[58:11] after like,

[58:12] your palate gets desensitized,

[58:13] but you can also like,

[58:15] tell the difference

[58:16] between different types

[58:17] of peppers

[58:17] and different types

[58:18] of chilies,

[58:19] that finally,

[58:19] you can appreciate

[58:20] the ghost pepper

[58:21] of a movie like this,

[58:23] which is an appropriate

[58:24] metaphor

[58:25] because there is a ghost

[58:26] made out of eels

[58:28] I,

[58:29] this is,

[58:30] you finally,

[58:31] squids and electricity.

[58:32] You finally made me understand

[58:34] the music you listen to.

[58:35] Yeah,

[58:35] yeah.

[58:35] So,

[58:36] the thing is,

[58:37] if you,

[58:38] if you did not have

[58:40] this background,

[58:40] if you're just like,

[58:41] hey,

[58:42] you've probably seen

[58:42] a bad movie,

[58:43] why don't you watch

[58:43] this one?

[58:44] It would be impossible.

[58:47] But I feel like

[58:48] if you're a real

[58:48] bad movie freak,

[58:49] yeah,

[58:50] this is a good,

[58:50] bad one for you.

[58:51] Like,

[58:51] this is,

[58:52] this is great.

[58:52] If you're watching this

[58:53] all by yourself,

[58:55] okay,

[58:56] good luck.

[58:57] But this is great

[58:58] with friends.

[58:59] As someone who watched

Elliott Kalan

[59:00] it all by myself,

[59:01] it was still

[59:03] a good,

[59:03] bad experience.

[59:04] But again,

[59:04] knowing that

[59:05] I'm going into,

[59:06] I mean,

[59:06] it was also knowing

[59:07] that I'm doing this

[59:08] for,

[59:08] for this podcast.

[59:09] But I think this is,

[59:10] yeah,

[59:11] when you're with your,

[59:11] when you're with your

[59:12] bad movie sicko friends,

[59:14] yeah,

[59:14] pop this one on.

[59:15] You guys will enjoy it.

[59:16] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[59:16] it's even a theater ideally

[59:17] so you can get the real effect.

[59:19] I mean,

[59:19] if you go to the website

Elliott Kalan

[59:20] for the movie,

[59:20] they will tell you

[59:21] where screenings

[59:22] are coming up for it

[59:23] because they are,

[59:24] they do,

[59:24] they do set up

[59:25] those screenings.

[59:26] So,

[59:26] they were coming up

[59:26] in Brooklyn recently.

Dan McCoy

[59:28] We were not able

[59:28] to make it out

[59:29] for a screening,

[59:30] but the Spectacle Theater

[59:32] was showing this

[59:33] just recently.

Elliott Kalan

[59:34] Yeah.

[59:34] So it's a,

[59:35] I would call this

[59:36] a good,

[59:36] bad movie,

[59:36] but like,

[59:37] I think,

[59:37] Stuart,

[59:37] that the spiciness index

[59:39] is a really good way

[59:40] to scale this.

[59:42] To prepare yourself.

[59:44] If you are,

[59:44] if you're a newbie,

[59:45] you might want to stick

[59:46] with the room

[59:47] right now

[59:48] and maybe you'll make it

[59:50] your way up to this one

[59:50] eventually,

[59:51] yeah.

[59:52] To the mountaintop

[59:53] that we happen to live on.

Dan McCoy

[59:56] Yeah,

[59:56] where we've been

[59:57] desensitized.

[59:58] Where are we?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:00] At this point,

[1:00:01] at this point,

[1:00:02] in terms of spicy food,

[1:00:03] we're just hitting nails

[1:00:04] into our tongue

[1:00:05] because we've been

[1:00:06] desensitized to taste.

[1:00:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:14] Hey,

[1:00:14] romance readers.

[1:00:16] What are you looking for?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:17] Brother's best friend,

[1:00:18] alien boyfriend,

[1:00:20] mothman,

[1:00:20] vampires.

[1:00:21] We got your cowboys,

[1:00:22] your dukes,

[1:00:23] your hot professors,

[1:00:24] your rock stars.

[1:00:25] We got your shifters,

[1:00:25] we got demons,

[1:00:26] we got sexy fairies.

[1:00:27] You want a morally gray?

[1:00:29] No problem.

[1:00:30] Can't pick?

[1:00:31] Don't worry, sweetheart.

[1:00:32] We've got

[1:00:32] why chooses up the wazoo.

[1:00:34] Reading Smut,

[1:00:35] the show where we read

[1:00:36] spicy books

[1:00:37] and figure out

[1:00:38] why people love them.

[1:00:39] Join us on Reading Smut

[1:00:40] every other Friday

[1:00:41] on Maximum Thought.

[1:00:42] Oh,

[1:00:42] that's a spicy book.

S4

[1:00:46] Sleep is important,

[1:00:48] but it's difficult sometimes.

[1:00:50] I'm John Moe.

[1:00:51] On Sleeping with Celebrities,

[1:00:53] famous people

[1:00:54] help conk you out

[1:00:55] by talking in soothing voices

[1:00:57] about unimportant things.

[1:00:59] Maria Bamford on parking.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:02] I parked in a bus stop.

[1:01:04] That's just not right.

[1:01:05] I am not a bus.

S4

[1:01:07] Roxane Gay on airports.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:09] My favorite airport

[1:01:10] is Indianapolis.

[1:01:12] It has a really smart layout.

S4

[1:01:14] Alan Tudyk on yardsticks.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:17] You hand somebody a yardstick,

[1:01:19] yardsticks become

[1:01:20] part of the family.

S4

[1:01:21] Granted,

[1:01:21] it's a weird idea,

[1:01:23] but it's lots of fun

[1:01:24] and it works.

[1:01:26] Listen wherever you get podcasts.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:30] Hello, listeners.

[1:01:31] Just want to take a minute

[1:01:32] away from confronting fear

[1:01:34] to remind you

[1:01:34] that the Flophouse

[1:01:35] is going to be appearing

[1:01:36] live in person.

[1:01:37] That's right,

[1:01:38] Dan Stewart and me

[1:01:39] and joined by Alex Smith,

[1:01:40] a.k.a. Howell Doughty

[1:01:41] in Louisville, Kentucky,

[1:01:43] September 18th

[1:01:43] at Whirling Tiger.

[1:01:45] Go to

[1:01:45] flophousepodcast.com

[1:01:46] slash events.

[1:01:47] It's our first live show

[1:01:48] in a while.

[1:01:49] I'm super excited about it.

[1:01:50] I can't wait to get

[1:01:51] in front of an audience

[1:01:51] and perform our regular

[1:01:53] brand of nonsense

[1:01:54] and see what happens.

[1:01:56] We're going to be talking

[1:01:56] about the movie Glitter

[1:01:57] starring Mariah Carey.

[1:01:58] It should be super fun.

[1:01:59] That's September 18th

[1:02:00] at Whirling Tiger,

[1:02:02] Louisville, Kentucky.

[1:02:02] Go to

[1:02:03] flophousepodcast.com

[1:02:04] slash events.

[1:02:05] Can't make it to Louisville?

[1:02:07] All right.

[1:02:07] Well, we'll just have to come

[1:02:08] to you through your computer.

[1:02:11] Flop TV is coming back.

[1:02:12] It's season four.

[1:02:14] That's right.

[1:02:14] We're starting September 5th.

[1:02:16] That's a Saturday

[1:02:17] at 9 p.m. Eastern,

[1:02:18] 6 p.m. Pacific.

[1:02:19] And then the show's

[1:02:20] going to be on

[1:02:20] the first Saturday

[1:02:21] of every month,

[1:02:22] September through February.

[1:02:23] This is our one-hour

[1:02:24] online video version

[1:02:26] of the podcast.

[1:02:27] This year, the theme is

[1:02:28] the worst of the best,

[1:02:29] best picture winners

[1:02:30] that maybe aren't very good.

[1:02:33] And we're going to finish

[1:02:34] out the season

[1:02:34] by finally answering

[1:02:35] the question,

[1:02:36] is Out of Africa

[1:02:37] a real movie?

[1:02:39] Does it actually exist?

[1:02:40] Or is this some kind

[1:02:41] of psyop,

[1:02:42] kayfabe kind of thing

[1:02:44] that, a lie

[1:02:45] that we've all been living

[1:02:45] under all this time?

[1:02:47] So that's Flop TV season four

[1:02:48] appearing on your computer screen

[1:02:50] if you get tickets

[1:02:51] at theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[1:02:53] Buy a ticket

[1:02:54] for an individual episode

[1:02:55] or buy a season pass.

[1:02:56] That's six episodes

[1:02:57] for the price of five.

[1:02:58] Can't make it

[1:02:59] to the live broadcast?

[1:03:00] That's okay.

[1:03:01] Your ticket gets you access

[1:03:02] to the recording

[1:03:03] of that episode

[1:03:03] and those recordings

[1:03:04] will stay up on the site

[1:03:05] through the end of February.

[1:03:07] And of course,

[1:03:08] I have a couple

[1:03:08] of personal plugs,

[1:03:09] my regular stuff,

[1:03:09] my book,

[1:03:10] Joke Farming,

[1:03:10] How to Write Comedy

[1:03:11] and Other Nonsense,

[1:03:12] which is all of my

[1:03:13] joke writing secrets

[1:03:14] in one place,

[1:03:15] is still available

[1:03:16] from the University

[1:03:16] of Chicago Press.

[1:03:17] Please pick it up

[1:03:18] and read it.

[1:03:19] There is also

[1:03:19] an audiobook version.

[1:03:20] If you don't want

[1:03:21] to use your eyes,

[1:03:22] you just want to use

[1:03:22] your ears

[1:03:23] to absorb this information.

[1:03:24] My comic,

[1:03:25] Barbarian Behind Bars

[1:03:26] from Mad Cave

[1:03:27] is now out

[1:03:28] in a collected edition.

[1:03:29] It's a really fun,

[1:03:30] really violent story.

[1:03:31] I think you're going

[1:03:32] to like it

[1:03:32] and I hope you pick it up.

[1:03:33] And of course,

[1:03:34] I'm still writing Harley Quinn

[1:03:35] monthly for DC Comics.

[1:03:37] Please pick that up

[1:03:38] and I hope enjoy it.

[1:03:40] And now,

[1:03:40] back to surfing footage.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:43] Let's answer

[1:03:44] some questions,

[1:03:46] some letters,

[1:03:46] some listeners.

[1:03:47] Let's do it.

[1:03:48] Yeah.

[1:03:48] I got a little bit of time.

[1:03:49] We've never done it before,

[1:03:50] but let's try it.

[1:03:51] I'm glad to hear that,

[1:03:52] Stuart,

[1:03:52] because we are still

[1:03:53] in the middle

[1:03:53] of taming the podcast.

[1:03:54] So I'm glad.

[1:03:56] This one is from

[1:03:57] Dylan,

[1:03:58] last name withheld.

[1:03:59] McDermott?

[1:04:00] Probably.

[1:04:02] Who writes?

[1:04:02] We have to assume.

[1:04:04] Hey, floppers.

[1:04:04] Hey.

[1:04:05] What's up?

[1:04:06] Well,

[1:04:07] I can't answer that

[1:04:08] for Dylan,

[1:04:08] but I'll continue

[1:04:09] reading the...

[1:04:10] Do it in character.

[1:04:11] I was...

[1:04:12] I was reading.

[1:04:15] Oh, fuck.

[1:04:15] Wow.

[1:04:16] Dylan.

[1:04:16] Oh, fuck.

[1:04:17] Got you, Dylan.

[1:04:18] Fuck.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:19] Dylan was just...

[1:04:20] Dylan McDermott

[1:04:21] was just roasted

[1:04:21] because that didn't sound like it at all.

[1:04:22] Yeah, somebody get some

[1:04:23] fucking Calmite lotion.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:25] I was recently watching

[1:04:26] the Stuart Gordon classic

[1:04:28] Space Truckers.

[1:04:29] Sick.

[1:04:29] Yeah.

[1:04:29] And was instantly captured by...

[1:04:31] Better than a movie called

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:32] Space Truckers should be.

[1:04:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:33] I was instantly captured

[1:04:35] by the opening gag

[1:04:36] of Cages and Cages

[1:04:37] of Martian square pigs

[1:04:39] ready for delivery.

[1:04:41] Something about the physicality

[1:04:42] of these goofy rubber pigs

[1:04:44] oinking and squealing

[1:04:45] really set something off

[1:04:46] in my brain.

[1:04:47] I couldn't stop thinking

[1:04:47] about the work,

[1:04:49] skill,

[1:04:49] and effort

[1:04:50] that went into crafting them

[1:04:51] despite them only having

[1:04:53] about 10 seconds

[1:04:54] of total screen time.

[1:04:57] Do you have some other

[1:04:58] notable examples

[1:04:59] of throwaway gags

[1:05:00] or effects

[1:05:01] that really stood out

[1:05:02] or made a movie for you?

[1:05:03] Keep on flopping.

[1:05:05] Dylan, last name withheld.

[1:05:09] This is not a special effects thing.

[1:05:13] So I guess it...

[1:05:15] But Chewbacca.

[1:05:15] A real life wiki.

[1:05:16] It does not go into the

[1:05:17] gags or effects category

[1:05:19] a different meaning

[1:05:21] of the word gag

[1:05:22] I suppose it would...

[1:05:23] You mean like choking someone?

[1:05:25] Yeah, yeah.

[1:05:25] No, it's funny

[1:05:26] that you go to Star Wars

[1:05:27] because the first thing

[1:05:28] that came to my mind

[1:05:30] in terms of like

[1:05:31] not a special effects gag

[1:05:33] but a joke gag

[1:05:35] was that really lodged

[1:05:37] in my brain

[1:05:38] was in Return of the Jedi.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:39] Is it that creature

[1:05:41] that eats that other creature

[1:05:42] or no?

[1:05:42] It's nothing else?

Dan McCoy

[1:05:43] Well, you know what?

[1:05:44] I couldn't remember

[1:05:44] whether that was

[1:05:45] in the special edition

[1:05:46] or was it in the original?

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:50] That's the original.

[1:05:50] It's the establishing shot

[1:05:51] of Javis Palace

[1:05:52] and that thing just

[1:05:53] sticks out its tongue

[1:05:54] and that's the thing.

[1:05:54] Yeah, that's the original.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:55] No, that's...

[1:05:55] Okay, well that was

[1:05:56] the first thing that...

[1:05:57] I thought that was in the special edition.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:59] No, no, that's...

[1:05:59] I thought it was just there.

[1:06:00] No, that's an old one.

[1:06:01] That's an old one.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:01] Okay.

[1:06:02] Well, that was the first thing

[1:06:04] that came to mind

[1:06:05] honestly, Elliot.

[1:06:06] And then I'm like

[1:06:07] because I didn't know

[1:06:08] which edition it was in

[1:06:09] I'm like

[1:06:09] I don't want to talk about that.

[1:06:11] But I guess my brain

[1:06:12] was like on Return of the Jedi

[1:06:14] so I just thought

[1:06:14] as a joke moment

[1:06:17] that was like

[1:06:18] throw away

[1:06:18] the Rancor Keeper

[1:06:21] coming in

[1:06:21] and being so sad

[1:06:23] I love it

[1:06:23] that his Rancor

[1:06:24] has been killed.

[1:06:26] That's a great moment.

[1:06:27] Yeah.

[1:06:27] Just like

[1:06:27] a couple of seconds

[1:06:29] but it adds so much

[1:06:30] like depth

[1:06:30] to the movie.

[1:06:34] You know,

[1:06:34] it means something

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:36] in a small moment.

[1:06:38] I mean,

[1:06:38] to keep with the theme,

[1:06:40] the joke

[1:06:41] in Spaceballs,

[1:06:43] the aliens joke

[1:06:44] where the alien

[1:06:45] pops out of his chest

[1:06:46] and then does

[1:06:47] the little

[1:06:48] what?

[1:06:50] Frog?

[1:06:51] Like,

[1:06:51] hello my baby number.

[1:06:52] Michigan J-Frog.

[1:06:54] It's a very silly gag

[1:06:55] but like

[1:06:56] they put a lot of work

[1:06:56] into it

[1:06:57] and that's actually

[1:06:57] John Hurt, right?

[1:06:58] They actually got

[1:06:59] John Hurt to be in there.

[1:07:00] Yes, yes.

[1:07:01] I believe he says

[1:07:02] it's like

[1:07:02] oh, not again.

[1:07:03] That's a lot of work

[1:07:04] for kind of a dumb joke.

[1:07:06] I like it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:07] It's a

[1:07:08] bottom effects

[1:07:09] I think whenever you do it

[1:07:10] I mean,

[1:07:11] the thing that always gets me

[1:07:12] this is not a movie thing

[1:07:12] but because

[1:07:13] I thought about that

[1:07:14] creature in Return of the Jedi

[1:07:15] because it's like

[1:07:15] that's puppetry

[1:07:16] and things like that

[1:07:17] but also

[1:07:18] they do that kind of stuff

[1:07:19] in the TV show

[1:07:20] The Young Ones a lot

[1:07:21] where they'll open a door

[1:07:22] to a room

[1:07:23] and suddenly there's

[1:07:23] a lion tamer in there

[1:07:24] and you see a lion tamer

[1:07:25] for like a little bit

[1:07:27] and then they close the door

[1:07:28] and that's it.

[1:07:29] There's no like

[1:07:29] and it's like

[1:07:30] well they had to do a lot of stuff

[1:07:30] there's a moment

[1:07:31] in the beginning of the movie

[1:07:33] Million Dollar Legs

[1:07:34] where a guy just walks

[1:07:36] across the screen

[1:07:37] with a bear on a leash

[1:07:38] to show you that this is

[1:07:39] like a foreign country

[1:07:40] and I remember talking to

[1:07:41] John Oliver about that movie

[1:07:42] and he was like

[1:07:42] they had to get a bear

[1:07:43] like they had to bring it there

[1:07:46] like that's work

[1:07:47] you know.

[1:07:48] Yeah.

[1:07:49] No that's

[1:07:49] I mean like

Dan McCoy

[1:07:50] I always love that kind of stuff

[1:07:52] because

[1:07:52] the joke is funny

[1:07:56] or the moment is striking

[1:07:58] but then there's just

[1:07:59] the metal level of like

[1:08:01] yeah they put so much effort

[1:08:03] into

[1:08:03] a thing that arguably

[1:08:05] is unnecessary

[1:08:06] or stupid

[1:08:07] and that makes it

[1:08:08] more valuable to me.

[1:08:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:11] It is funnier

[1:08:12] when a lot of work

[1:08:13] is put into

[1:08:14] a throwaway thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:16] Yeah.

[1:08:16] For sure.

[1:08:18] This is from

[1:08:20] Parker

[1:08:20] last name withheld

[1:08:21] but it's not Posey

[1:08:22] sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:23] It's Parker

[1:08:24] L.C. Lose.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:27] L.C. Lose.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:28] From the desk of

[1:08:29] P.L.C. Lose.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:32] Hi floppers.

[1:08:34] Hey.

[1:08:35] Hey Parker.

[1:08:36] Hey.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:37] Dan what's Parker sound like?

Dan McCoy

[1:08:39] Hey.

[1:08:40] Oh okay.

[1:08:41] Oh okay.

[1:08:42] I'm into it.

[1:08:42] I have been

[1:08:43] greatly amused

[1:08:44] by your ongoing

[1:08:45] stand up and cheer bit

[1:08:47] you've incorporated

[1:08:47] into the Flophouse

[1:08:49] ethos.

[1:08:49] We incorporated it.

[1:08:50] Yeah.

[1:08:54] Recently

[1:08:54] when watching

[1:08:56] My Neighbor

[1:08:57] God damn

[1:08:58] now I'm thrown off

[1:09:00] recently while watching

[1:09:00] No My Neighbor

[1:09:01] Totoro

[1:09:07] for the 20th time

[1:09:09] with my two year old

[1:09:10] I thought to myself

[1:09:11] That's a hard sentence

[1:09:12] to say.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:13] Totoro

[1:09:13] 20th time

[1:09:14] two year old.

[1:09:16] That's an English

[1:09:17] actor's warm up thing.

[1:09:19] Totoro

[1:09:20] Oh

[1:09:21] My Neighbor

[1:09:22] Totoro

[1:09:22] Oh I was talking

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:25] to Totoro

[1:09:26] 20 times

[1:09:27] with my two year old

[1:09:28] Totoro

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:29] he don't say much

[1:09:30] but 20 times

[1:09:31] my two year old

[1:09:32] was talking to Totoro

[1:09:32] I missed the cat bus

[1:09:34] and so I was walking

[1:09:35] through the rain

[1:09:36] with my neighbor

[1:09:36] Totoro

[1:09:37] I says to Totoro

[1:09:38] I says ta ta Totoro

[1:09:40] Ta ta Totoro

Dan McCoy

[1:09:41] No time for ye

[1:09:42] I thought to myself

[1:09:45] that when Satsuki

[1:09:46] boards the cat bus

[1:09:47] and rushes off

[1:09:48] to save her sister

[1:09:49] Mai

[1:09:50] that it was a genuine

[1:09:51] honest to God

[1:09:52] stand up and cheer

[1:09:53] moment.

[1:09:54] So my question to you guys

[1:09:55] is what is your favorite

[1:09:56] genuine stand up and cheer

[1:09:58] moment

[1:09:58] and movie?

[1:10:00] Keep flopping those flops

[1:10:01] love yas.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:03] There are

[1:10:03] this is a hard question

[1:10:04] because the fact is

[1:10:05] there are so many

[1:10:06] genuine stand up and cheer

[1:10:07] moments in movies

[1:10:08] it's what make movies

[1:10:10] amazing

[1:10:10] is that there are so

[1:10:12] many of them

[1:10:12] where there's a moment

[1:10:13] in it that is

[1:10:13] and what makes the

[1:10:16] gag about the flash

[1:10:17] entering the speed force

[1:10:18] so

[1:10:19] such a strong joke

[1:10:20] for us is because

[1:10:21] there are movies

[1:10:22] where you want to

[1:10:23] this is not one of them

[1:10:25] even superhero movies

[1:10:25] even superheroes

[1:10:26] I mean one of them

[1:10:27] I hate to go to the superhero

[1:10:28] world but one of them

[1:10:28] is the scene in

[1:10:30] Spider-Man 2

[1:10:30] when Spider-Man

[1:10:31] fights Dr. Octopus

[1:10:32] on the train

[1:10:33] and then he's about

[1:10:34] to fall off the train

[1:10:34] and all those hands

[1:10:35] catch him

[1:10:36] and pull him on

[1:10:37] and it's not so much

[1:10:38] a like

[1:10:39] I think for me

[1:10:39] it's not so much

[1:10:40] it's like

[1:10:41] there are movies

[1:10:41] that make me like

[1:10:42] tear up a little bit

[1:10:43] at a big moment

[1:10:44] and so like

[1:10:44] there's a moment

[1:10:45] or like in E.T.

[1:10:46] when Elliot realizes

[1:10:47] that E.T. is still alive

[1:10:49] after he thinks

[1:10:50] that he's died

[1:10:50] that's a stand up

[1:10:51] and cheer moment for me

[1:10:51] but it's also one

[1:10:52] where I'm like

[1:10:52] crying a little bit

[1:10:53] in The Iron Giant

[1:10:54] when he's

Dan McCoy

[1:10:55] the older brother

[1:10:56] like bonks his head

[1:10:57] he's so like happy

[1:10:58] that's such a great moment

[1:10:59] in E.T.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:00] but it's like

[1:11:00] there's a

[1:11:01] there's a

[1:11:02] like a great

[1:11:03] great movies

[1:11:04] have a lot

[1:11:05] of those types

[1:11:05] of moments

[1:11:06] you know

[1:11:06] and it's a

[1:11:07] I don't know

[1:11:07] what ones that come to you

[1:11:08] and it's

[1:11:09] it's the

[1:11:09] the

[1:11:10] the chutzpah

[1:11:12] of them being like

[1:11:13] oh yeah

[1:11:14] the flash entering

[1:11:14] the speed force

[1:11:15] a moment no one cares about

[1:11:16] or remembers

[1:11:17] it doesn't mean anything

Dan McCoy

[1:11:19] you know

[1:11:19] one that came to my mind

[1:11:21] was that

[1:11:23] in college

[1:11:24] my first roommate

[1:11:27] shout out to Matt Bartmuss

[1:11:28] he's not listening

[1:11:29] but hi

[1:11:30] you have to shout

[1:11:31] pretty loud then

[1:11:32] yeah

[1:11:32] he had

[1:11:33] the Wallace and Gromit movies

[1:11:35] at that time

[1:11:36] the three shorts

[1:11:38] on VHS

[1:11:39] and I had never seen

[1:11:40] Wallace and Gromit

[1:11:40] and he

[1:11:41] knew that I also

[1:11:42] like grew up in like

[1:11:43] an Anglophile household

[1:11:44] oh you would love these things

[1:11:45] this is right

[1:11:47] gonna be right up your alley

[1:11:47] he

[1:11:49] had a screening

[1:11:50] of the wrong trousers

[1:11:52] with like a bunch

[1:11:52] of our other friends

[1:11:53] on our dorm hall

[1:11:54] who had also not seen

[1:11:56] a Wallace and Gromit thing

[1:11:57] and

[1:11:57] at the end

[1:11:59] of the

[1:12:00] climactic chase

[1:12:02] where like

[1:12:02] you know

[1:12:03] Gromit is

[1:12:05] is laying down track

[1:12:06] for the

[1:12:07] the toy train

[1:12:08] to chase

[1:12:09] Feathers McGraw around

[1:12:11] you know

[1:12:12] like

[1:12:12] and everything

[1:12:13] resolves itself

[1:12:15] magically

[1:12:16] all at once

[1:12:17] at the very end

[1:12:18] like the room

[1:12:19] burst into spontaneous

[1:12:20] applause

[1:12:21] so that one

[1:12:23] stuck out

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:24] I was watching

[1:12:25] I was watching

[1:12:25] Dirty Dancing

[1:12:26] with my wife recently

[1:12:26] that's her favorite movie

[1:12:27] we watch it

[1:12:28] we've watched it many times

[1:12:29] yeah it's incredible

[1:12:29] every now and then

[1:12:30] she's just like

[1:12:30] I'm gonna watch it

[1:12:31] when he

[1:12:31] when Patrick Swayze

[1:12:32] pulls Baby out of the corner

[1:12:33] like that's a stand up

[1:12:34] and cheer moment

[1:12:34] it's great

[1:12:35] it's great

[1:12:35] it's a wonderful moment

[1:12:36] yeah

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:37] yeah yeah

[1:12:38] it's the

[1:12:39] it's the part

[1:12:39] in Return of the King

[1:12:40] where

[1:12:40] at the end

[1:12:41] during the coronation

[1:12:42] or during

[1:12:42] is it the wedding

[1:12:43] or coronation

[1:12:44] where

[1:12:44] you know me

[1:12:45] you better than me man

[1:12:46] this is your

[1:12:47] this is your bailiwick

[1:12:47] everyone's

[1:12:48] everyone's taking a knee

[1:12:49] and

[1:12:50] actually you know

[1:12:52] I'm not gonna

[1:12:53] I mean there's so many moments

[1:12:54] in Lord of the Rings

[1:12:55] but I think for me

[1:12:55] the one that always gets me

[1:12:56] is the opening of Two Towers

[1:12:57] where Gandalf falls down

[1:12:59] into the pit

[1:12:59] after the Balrog

[1:13:00] every time

[1:13:01] it gives me a rush

[1:13:02] to see this little

[1:13:03] little gray pilgrim

[1:13:05] falling down

[1:13:06] after a massive fire demon

[1:13:07] that's when Stuart stands up

[1:13:07] and cheers

[1:13:08] that's when I

[1:13:09] stand up and cheers

[1:13:10] Gandalf is dead

[1:13:11] well I'm like

[1:13:13] the thing is

[1:13:13] we thought Gandalf was dead

[1:13:16] we thought Gandalf was dead

[1:13:17] but like

[1:13:18] you see him do the craziest

[1:13:19] thing

[1:13:20] where he's like

[1:13:21] I'm not just being dragged down there

[1:13:23] he's being dragged down there

[1:13:24] with me

[1:13:25] real Rorschach

[1:13:28] yeah yeah

[1:13:29] well he's got some crazy

[1:13:31] yeah yeah

[1:13:33] have you heard him talk about

[1:13:34] white shores before

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:35] yikes

[1:13:36] Gandalf's like

[1:13:37] someday all the

[1:13:38] all the hobbits

[1:13:39] and all the

[1:13:39] all the gnomes

[1:13:40] dwarves will cry out

[1:13:41] for me to save them

[1:13:42] and I'll say no

Dan McCoy

[1:13:43] it is true that Gandalf

[1:13:45] believes he's gotten better

[1:13:46] as he's gotten whiter

[1:13:47] so

[1:13:48] I remember having a conversation

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:52] with a

[1:13:53] years ago

[1:13:54] when Watchmen

[1:13:54] was just a comic

[1:13:55] having a

[1:13:56] having a conversation

[1:13:56] with a friend of mine

[1:13:57] about who was the hero

[1:13:58] of that book

[1:13:59] and he was like

[1:13:59] well it's obviously Rorschach

[1:14:00] like Rorschach's the hero

[1:14:01] and I was like

[1:14:01] are you crazy

[1:14:02] and it was like

[1:14:03] one of these moments

[1:14:03] where I like saw

[1:14:04] I mean or like

[1:14:05] 16 or something

[1:14:06] yes

[1:14:07] but like just

[1:14:08] but even then

[1:14:08] seeing into my friend

[1:14:09] and being like

[1:14:10] oh there's something in you

[1:14:11] that does not connect with me

Dan McCoy

[1:14:12] no I mean like

[1:14:13] I mean obviously

[1:14:14] Rorschach has like

[1:14:15] a lot of issues

[1:14:16] but I think the confusion

[1:14:17] that

[1:14:18] well no I'm like

[1:14:18] he does have a lot of issues

[1:14:20] he's got a real screw loose

[1:14:21] I think the confusion

[1:14:23] comes like from people

[1:14:24] mom's Italian

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:25] my dad's Jewish

[1:14:25] and I'm Rorschach

Dan McCoy

[1:14:26] I think the confusion

[1:14:28] comes from people being like

[1:14:29] well that character

[1:14:30] has moral clarity

[1:14:31] and you're like

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:31] yeah but he's got

[1:14:32] too much moral clarity

[1:14:34] he has principles

[1:14:35] and also that he is

[1:14:36] he has principles

[1:14:36] and he stands up to them

[1:14:37] as opposed to like

[1:14:38] you know

[1:14:39] because I'm a nerdy

[1:14:39] weak guy

[1:14:40] I was always like

[1:14:41] oh well Night Owl

[1:14:41] is clearly the hero

[1:14:42] of this book

[1:14:43] but like Night Owl

[1:14:43] is soft

[1:14:44] you know

[1:14:45] in a way that's easy

[1:14:45] to denigrate

[1:14:46] so you know

[1:14:47] even though he ends up

[1:14:48] with the girl

[1:14:48] I mean come on

[1:14:50] you know

Dan McCoy

[1:14:50] yeah but like

[1:14:51] part of the point of it

[1:14:52] is like sometimes

[1:14:53] your own clarity

[1:14:55] leads you to the wrong place

[1:14:56] you know

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:57] yes you could say

[1:14:57] it's what much

[1:14:58] of the book is about

[1:14:59] because that's also

[1:15:00] Ozzy Mandis' problem

[1:15:00] so my recommendation

[1:15:01] is Watchmen the comic

[1:15:03] although I

[1:15:04] to be honest

[1:15:04] I read my

[1:15:05] one of my favorite

[1:15:06] comic book podcasts

[1:15:06] screw it

[1:15:07] we're just gonna talk

[1:15:07] about comics

[1:15:08] hosted by the Heinz brothers

[1:15:09] they did a Watchmen season

[1:15:12] and I was reading along

[1:15:13] as they were

[1:15:14] rereading it

[1:15:15] as they were doing it

[1:15:16] and it was the first time

[1:15:17] in years

[1:15:18] that I had looked at Watchmen

[1:15:19] and been like

[1:15:19] you know what

[1:15:20] this is a pretty sour book

[1:15:21] this is a little too sour

[1:15:22] for me right now

[1:15:23] you know

[1:15:24] a little too dour

[1:15:25] dour and sour

Dan McCoy

[1:15:26] the two brothers

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:28] no the two brothers

[1:15:30] are Will and Kevin Hines

[1:15:31] okay

Dan McCoy

[1:15:31] but which one would be dour

[1:15:34] and which one would be sour

[1:15:35] if you had to sign

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:36] so hard to choose

[1:15:38] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:15:38] I also listened to that

[1:15:41] series

[1:15:41] it was good

[1:15:42] let us recommend

[1:15:45] movies

[1:15:46] you and I

[1:15:46] a movie

[1:15:47] for the evening

[1:15:48] sun

[1:15:49] something

[1:15:50] etc

[1:15:51] yeah who knows

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:51] what this evening sun

[1:15:52] is gonna do

[1:15:53] it could do anything

[1:15:53] it could explode

[1:15:54] it could rise back

[1:15:55] in the sky

[1:15:56] circle around

[1:15:57] yeah yeah

[1:15:58] but you know

[1:15:59] what the sun does

[1:16:00] during the evening

[1:16:00] right

Dan McCoy

[1:16:01] yeah but it's like

[1:16:03] yeah it sets

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:04] but that's not

[1:16:04] what the fucking

[1:16:05] poem says

[1:16:06] no but that's

[1:16:07] what it does

[1:16:07] yeah

[1:16:07] the horizon

[1:16:09] is really moving

[1:16:09] this is something

[1:16:10] it's a conversation

[1:16:10] I've had with my

[1:16:11] it is really moving

[1:16:12] yeah

[1:16:13] this is

[1:16:14] this is a

[1:16:14] this is my version

[1:16:15] of

[1:16:15] so when my

[1:16:16] I was a kid

[1:16:17] my dad would always

[1:16:18] have a conversation

[1:16:18] with me about

[1:16:19] how amazing

[1:16:19] modern telecommunications

[1:16:20] technology is

[1:16:21] like and it's

[1:16:22] astounding

[1:16:23] you know

[1:16:23] in the old days

[1:16:24] you'd have to

[1:16:24] take a ship

[1:16:25] and you'd carry

[1:16:25] a letter across

[1:16:26] the ocean

[1:16:26] this was his dad

[1:16:27] talked to me

[1:16:28] and I realized

[1:16:28] my dad

Dan McCoy

[1:16:29] it's astounding

[1:16:30] time is fleeting

[1:16:31] madness takes control

[1:16:33] that's what my dad

[1:16:33] would say

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:33] and then we'd have

[1:16:34] to of course

[1:16:34] then we'd have

[1:16:35] to take a step

[1:16:35] to the left

[1:16:36] and then jump

[1:16:36] to the right

[1:16:37] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:16:37] and go look

[1:16:39] at that whale

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:39] but my version

[1:16:41] of that with my kids

[1:16:42] is the basic

[1:16:43] the basic importance

[1:16:44] of the fact

[1:16:45] that we are on a planet

[1:16:46] that turns

[1:16:47] and goes around

[1:16:48] the sun

[1:16:48] and creates seasons

[1:16:50] that every single aspect

[1:16:51] of human life

[1:16:52] and civilization

[1:16:53] and not only that

[1:16:54] but animal and plant life

[1:16:55] is based around

[1:16:56] that fact

[1:16:56] that the earth

[1:16:57] turns and orbits

[1:16:58] the sun

[1:16:59] and my kids are so

[1:16:59] bored by this conversation

[1:17:01] I mean you're

[1:17:01] blowing my mind

[1:17:02] yeah

[1:17:02] but it's the single

[1:17:04] most of

[1:17:04] children

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:05] you're blowing my mind

[1:17:07] but I have like

[1:17:07] had three gummies

[1:17:08] today

[1:17:09] oh wow

[1:17:09] well I took one

[1:17:13] and then I'm like

[1:17:14] did I have a gummy

[1:17:15] already

[1:17:16] probably not

[1:17:17] and then you're like

[1:17:17] those two gummies

[1:17:18] are probably lost

[1:17:19] to the third one

[1:17:20] and then I was like

[1:17:21] I'm hungry

[1:17:22] let me throw another gummy

Dan McCoy

[1:17:24] one gummy

[1:17:26] is my limit

[1:17:26] it has to be

[1:17:27] pretty low gummy

[1:17:28] these days

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:28] wish there was a way

[1:17:29] for me to do it

[1:17:30] without gummies

[1:17:30] don't like gummy things

[1:17:31] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:17:32] you can do chocolate

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:33] I could

[1:17:34] that's true

[1:17:35] every year

[1:17:36] every year

[1:17:36] whenever I have my birthday

[1:17:37] I go to my wife

[1:17:39] I go

[1:17:39] is this the year

[1:17:40] that I start getting high

[1:17:41] she's like

[1:17:42] I don't think so

[1:17:42] I mean

[1:17:43] I feel like

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:43] it might help you

[1:17:44] go to sleep

[1:17:45] yeah that's true

[1:17:47] like turn your brain off

[1:17:48] and just fucking float

[1:17:49] it depends

[1:17:50] the effect's fair

[1:17:51] you can try it

[1:17:52] I'm not saying like

[1:17:53] I'm not saying

Dan McCoy

[1:17:53] commit to the lifestyle

[1:17:54] don't like buy a bunch

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:56] of fucking

[1:17:57] don't like start wearing

[1:17:58] a fucking drug rug

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:00] yeah get a Baja

[1:18:01] she comes home

[1:18:02] and I've replaced

[1:18:03] all the lamps

[1:18:04] with lava lamps

[1:18:04] I'm like

[1:18:05] this is what we do now

[1:18:06] all the artists

[1:18:06] black light posters

[1:18:07] I finally get Floyd man

Dan McCoy

[1:18:09] okay

[1:18:12] these are all

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:14] let's talk about

[1:18:14] the planets rotations

[1:18:16] they're like

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:18] oh it's not that different

[1:18:19] well what I've always

[1:18:19] said to my kids

[1:18:20] these are all old

Dan McCoy

[1:18:21] stoner things

[1:18:21] by the way

[1:18:22] I wonder what

[1:18:22] new stoners do

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:23] what new stoners do

[1:18:24] they probably just sit

[1:18:25] and play video games

[1:18:26] all day

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:26] yeah they fucking

[1:18:27] they bed rot

[1:18:27] and doom scroll

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:28] so the

[1:18:29] one of the

[1:18:30] the thing that I've

[1:18:31] always said

[1:18:31] and we'll get to

[1:18:32] recommendations

[1:18:32] I apologize

[1:18:33] sorry bed rot

Dan McCoy

[1:18:34] and doom scroll

[1:18:34] like my favorite

[1:18:35] teenage mutant

[1:18:36] little villain

[1:18:37] yeah

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:38] I was gonna say

[1:18:40] those are my favorite

[1:18:40] pieces of ice

[1:18:41] in Netrunner

[1:18:42] yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:43] the

[1:18:43] what my kids

[1:18:44] I've had

[1:18:45] I've started to talk

[1:18:45] to my older son

[1:18:46] about drugs a little bit

[1:18:47] and just to you know

[1:18:48] be aware of them

[1:18:48] and he knows

[1:18:50] I don't do them

[1:18:51] and my line with them

[1:18:52] is I'm like

[1:18:53] well I have such a

[1:18:54] loose grip on my

[1:18:54] understanding of reality

[1:18:55] already

[1:18:56] there's already enough

[1:18:56] times when I think

[1:18:57] I see something

[1:18:58] out of the corner of my eye

[1:18:59] and I have to turn

[1:19:00] and there's nothing there

[1:19:00] I don't need to add

[1:19:01] more of that into my life

[1:19:02] you know

[1:19:03] I'm already teetering

[1:19:04] on the edge of madness

[1:19:05] I don't need to give

[1:19:06] myself a shove

[1:19:06] you know

[1:19:07] guys I

[1:19:07] I sometimes leave

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:10] okay so don't read

[1:19:11] those books

[1:19:12] those Sutter Cain books

[1:19:13] I mailed you

[1:19:14] Sutter Cain

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:16] he's my favorite author

[1:19:17] why are my eyes bleeding

Dan McCoy

[1:19:18] sometimes I leave

[1:19:20] the wok uncleaned

[1:19:21] a little bit

[1:19:22] on the stove

[1:19:22] because you know

[1:19:23] like

[1:19:24] extra flavor

[1:19:25] I have to re-season it

[1:19:26] after I clean it

[1:19:27] you know

[1:19:28] it's one of those types

[1:19:28] and I like perch it

[1:19:30] on top of the

[1:19:31] the

[1:19:32] the Dutch oven

[1:19:33] which also lives

[1:19:34] a lot of the time

[1:19:35] just because they're

[1:19:35] so big

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:36] ours is the same

[1:19:37] our skillet

[1:19:38] and our Dutch oven

[1:19:38] basically live on the

[1:19:39] stove top

[1:19:39] which you know

Dan McCoy

[1:19:40] but the

[1:19:41] the blackness

[1:19:42] of the wok

[1:19:43] and the

[1:19:44] the handle

[1:19:45] pointing up

[1:19:46] every time

[1:19:47] I see it out of the

[1:19:48] corner of my eye

[1:19:49] I think that

[1:19:49] one of our cats

[1:19:50] is sitting

[1:19:51] over there

[1:19:52] pointless story

[1:19:56] but I'm glad

[1:19:56] Elliot enjoyed it

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:57] I liked that a lot

[1:19:58] I thought that was funny

[1:19:59] worth it

[1:20:00] let's

[1:20:01] let's recommend

[1:20:01] look we spent a lot

[1:20:02] of time talking about

[1:20:03] surfer teen confronts fear

[1:20:04] we owe ourselves

[1:20:05] some human connection

[1:20:06] you know

Dan McCoy

[1:20:07] let's talk about stuff

[1:20:08] from our lives man

[1:20:09] yeah come on

[1:20:10] confront that fear

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:12] the thing is

[1:20:12] there's always whales

[1:20:13] at the bottom of the sea

[1:20:14] howling for

[1:20:15] cowardly men

[1:20:16] they're always crying

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:17] there's always one crying

[1:20:18] I know why

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:21] when one washes up

[1:20:22] on the

[1:20:22] when one washes up

[1:20:24] on a beach

[1:20:24] it's because a coward

[1:20:25] did not go down there

[1:20:26] and get chomped on

[1:20:28] yeah

[1:20:28] oh wow

[1:20:29] that's what he says

[1:20:30] right

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:30] that's basically what he says

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:31] a coward

[1:20:31] yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:32] there's other cowards

[1:20:33] it's not just you Dan

[1:20:34] yeah

[1:20:35] classic

[1:20:35] classic straight white man

[1:20:37] we mentioned something

[1:20:37] and you assume it's about you

Dan McCoy

[1:20:39] yeah I'm sorry for

[1:20:40] centering myself

[1:20:41] in this whale tragedy

[1:20:42] yeah it's okay

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:43] it's about the whales Dan

Dan McCoy

[1:20:46] let's

[1:20:47] recommend

[1:20:48] a movie

[1:20:49] that we

[1:20:50] have seen

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:51] it's just playing

[1:20:51] into that whale savior

[1:20:52] narrative

[1:20:53] yeah

[1:20:54] let's recommend

[1:20:56] some movies

[1:20:57] shall we

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:57] yeah I went out

[1:20:58] like a movie

[1:20:59] that you saw

[1:20:59] so why don't you talk

[1:21:00] you've seen movies Dan

[1:21:01] why don't you tell us

[1:21:02] some movie you saw

[1:21:02] oh boy have I

Dan McCoy

[1:21:03] I saw a movie

[1:21:05] you would not believe

[1:21:07] the movies I've seen

[1:21:08] I saw a movie

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:09] yeah sea beams

[1:21:10] glittering off

[1:21:11] Alpha Centauri or shit

[1:21:12] you know

[1:21:12] attack ships on fire

Dan McCoy

[1:21:14] yeah that kind of shit

[1:21:15] that kind of stuff

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:16] if Roy Batty

[1:21:17] watched Teen

[1:21:17] confronts fear

[1:21:18] he would be like

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:19] he'd really get it

[1:21:21] he'd be like

[1:21:21] I'm ready to go now

[1:21:22] I'm ready to melt away

[1:21:23] like tears in the rain

Dan McCoy

[1:21:24] I saw it in the theater

[1:21:27] but it's an old movie

[1:21:28] what

[1:21:29] how is that possible

[1:21:30] did they do that

[1:21:31] did you go

[1:21:31] back in time

[1:21:32] it's the new

[1:21:34] 4k remaster

[1:21:36] I thought you said old

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:36] what

[1:21:37] it's the 4k

[1:21:38] the remaster is new

Dan McCoy

[1:21:39] the 4k remaster

[1:21:40] of the

[1:21:42] I guess

[1:21:42] director's cut

[1:21:43] of Manhunter

[1:21:44] the

[1:21:45] oh okay

[1:21:45] Michael Mann picture

[1:21:47] based on

[1:21:48] Red Dragon

[1:21:48] that must have been so hard

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:49] when Michael Mann

[1:21:50] was making that

[1:21:51] because he would think

[1:21:51] that they were hunting him

[1:21:52] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:21:53] it must have been

[1:21:54] he would run away

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:56] now

[1:21:57] now

[1:21:58] so Manhunter

[1:21:59] the original

[1:22:00] is one of those

[1:22:01] almost perfect movies

[1:22:02] so

[1:22:03] how did this

[1:22:04] fare

[1:22:05] well the thing is

Dan McCoy

[1:22:05] like I love Manhunter

[1:22:07] but I've seen it

[1:22:08] like this is maybe

[1:22:08] the 4th time I've seen it

[1:22:09] in over like

[1:22:10] the course of

[1:22:11] 40ish years

[1:22:12] your life

[1:22:12] yeah

[1:22:13] so

[1:22:14] I am not

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:15] and those first

[1:22:16] 10 years

[1:22:16] I'm guessing

[1:22:17] you didn't see Manhunter

[1:22:18] so really it's like

[1:22:19] 30 some odd years

[1:22:19] yeah

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:20] Dan's thinking

[1:22:21] like

[1:22:22] was I 7

[1:22:22] when I watched

[1:22:23] Manhunter

[1:22:24] the first time

[1:22:24] it's kind of possible

Dan McCoy

[1:22:26] but you know

[1:22:26] how things were back then

[1:22:27] on my 5th birthday

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:28] did we go to see

[1:22:28] Manhunter

[1:22:29] or did we go to see

[1:22:31] the Care Bears movie

Dan McCoy

[1:22:32] Land Before Time

[1:22:32] yeah Land Before Time

[1:22:33] no

[1:22:35] I

[1:22:35] I'm not so

[1:22:38] versed on Manhunter

[1:22:40] despite loving it

[1:22:41] to be able to

[1:22:42] like point to

[1:22:43] the differences

[1:22:44] there is one

[1:22:46] scene at the end

[1:22:48] that I'm like

[1:22:48] oh I'm pretty sure

[1:22:49] this is new

[1:22:49] and that's like

[1:22:50] the best I could do

[1:22:52] but

[1:22:52] there was an ad

[1:22:54] for Amazon

[1:22:54] but I can report

[1:22:56] like there

[1:22:56] I have seen

[1:22:58] real Manhunter fans

[1:23:00] post online

[1:23:02] that the theatrical

[1:23:02] cut is better

[1:23:03] whatever

[1:23:04] I enjoyed seeing

[1:23:06] Manhunter in the theater

[1:23:07] I did not

[1:23:08] really change

[1:23:10] the experience

[1:23:10] that much for me

[1:23:11] that it was a

[1:23:12] slightly different cut

[1:23:13] but everything

[1:23:14] that's great

[1:23:15] about the movie

[1:23:15] was still great

[1:23:16] it's got

[1:23:17] such

[1:23:18] immaculate vibes

[1:23:19] it's got such

[1:23:20] great music

[1:23:21] such great

[1:23:22] cinematography

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:23] Tom Noonan

[1:23:24] can't go wrong

Dan McCoy

[1:23:25] William Peterson

[1:23:26] but the thing

[1:23:28] the thing that

[1:23:29] really struck me

[1:23:30] watching it this

[1:23:31] time actually was

[1:23:32] that the tooth fairy

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:34] is not the hero

Dan McCoy

[1:23:34] yeah

[1:23:35] I was like

[1:23:36] he's like

[1:23:37] he's a cool dude

[1:23:38] you know

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:39] he's got strong

[1:23:40] rules that he

[1:23:41] follows

Dan McCoy

[1:23:42] no

[1:23:43] especially considering

[1:23:46] how like

[1:23:47] baroque

[1:23:48] and over the top

[1:23:49] oh I'd say

[1:23:49] serial killers

[1:23:51] movies

[1:23:51] became later

[1:23:53] like

[1:23:53] yes

[1:23:53] the genre

[1:23:55] that this movie

[1:23:55] essentially created

[1:23:57] like

[1:23:59] this is so

[1:24:00] restrained

[1:24:01] despite like

[1:24:02] the kind of

[1:24:03] MTV style of it

[1:24:04] it is

[1:24:04] so restrained

[1:24:05] like

[1:24:06] I noticed

[1:24:07] like

[1:24:07] we don't

[1:24:09] start with

[1:24:09] on screen violence

[1:24:10] we start with

[1:24:11] the effects

[1:24:11] of violence

[1:24:12] like we see

[1:24:13] William Peterson

[1:24:14] like Will Graham

[1:24:15] going through

[1:24:16] a crime scene

[1:24:17] you know

[1:24:18] after the violence

[1:24:19] has already occurred

[1:24:20] and experiencing it

[1:24:21] like how it must

[1:24:22] have happened

[1:24:23] like thinking it

[1:24:23] through

[1:24:24] but

[1:24:25] we just see a bunch

[1:24:26] of blood on the walls

[1:24:27] it's not like

[1:24:28] we gotta start this

[1:24:29] movie off with a bang

[1:24:30] and it's so much

[1:24:31] more effective

[1:24:31] to like have

[1:24:32] this slow burn

[1:24:33] it is like

[1:24:35] halfway through

[1:24:36] the movie

[1:24:36] before we see

[1:24:37] Tom Noonan's

[1:24:39] character

[1:24:40] Dollar Hyde

[1:24:40] the Red Dragon

[1:24:42] the Tooth Fairy

[1:24:43] whatever

[1:24:44] however you want

[1:24:45] to refer to it

[1:24:45] he's got a lot

[1:24:45] of names

[1:24:46] he's got a lot

[1:24:46] of names

[1:24:46] yeah

[1:24:47] and it is a

[1:24:49] really sort of

[1:24:50] like

[1:24:50] reasonable

[1:24:52] procedural

[1:24:53] like Will Graham

[1:24:54] is making

[1:24:55] a few like

[1:24:56] leaps

[1:24:57] but it's not

[1:24:57] one of these

[1:24:58] like later

[1:24:59] like

[1:24:59] he like

[1:25:00] somehow knows

[1:25:01] exactly what

[1:25:02] the killer

[1:25:03] is thinking

[1:25:03] like it's more

[1:25:04] like

[1:25:04] he has

[1:25:05] put himself

[1:25:07] in this mindset

[1:25:08] and he makes

[1:25:09] leaps that

[1:25:10] seem logical

[1:25:11] to us

[1:25:11] the audience

[1:25:12] you know

[1:25:13] and a lot

[1:25:14] of the other

[1:25:15] stuff surrounding

[1:25:16] that stuff

[1:25:17] is just like

[1:25:18] FBI procedural

[1:25:19] stuff that seems

[1:25:20] really like

[1:25:21] legit

[1:25:22] and

[1:25:22] and I

[1:25:24] and I like

[1:25:24] how it's

[1:25:26] really kind of

[1:25:27] a grounded movie

[1:25:28] in addition to being

[1:25:29] a really stylish one

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:30] and you were saying

[1:25:31] this special edition

[1:25:32] they went back

[1:25:32] and digitally added

[1:25:33] Anthony Hopkins

[1:25:34] and placed

[1:25:34] a Brian Cox

[1:25:35] as they were

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:38] always intended

[1:25:40] from the beginning

[1:25:40] yeah

[1:25:40] anyway

[1:25:42] that's my

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:43] recommendation

[1:25:43] you guys

[1:25:44] yeah

[1:25:44] I really want

[1:25:45] to see it

[1:25:45] I am going

[1:25:47] to recommend

[1:25:48] a movie

[1:25:48] that might

[1:25:49] still be out

[1:25:50] when does

[1:25:50] this episode

[1:25:51] come out

[1:25:51] Smallvember

[1:25:52] it'll still be out

[1:25:53] I am recommending

[1:25:55] the new

[1:25:56] Jane Schoenbrunn

[1:25:57] movie

[1:25:57] Teenage Sex

[1:25:58] and Death

[1:25:58] at Camp

[1:25:59] Miasma

[1:26:00] at Camp

[1:26:00] Miasma

[1:26:01] this

[1:26:02] I was lucky

[1:26:04] enough to get

[1:26:04] to go to see

[1:26:05] an early screening

[1:26:05] of this

[1:26:06] while I was

[1:26:06] up in Toronto

[1:26:07] thank you

[1:26:08] friend of the

[1:26:09] podcast

[1:26:09] Peter Koplowski

[1:26:10] for getting me

[1:26:11] in

[1:26:11] I was such

[1:26:13] a huge fan

[1:26:14] of Jane's

[1:26:16] first two movies

[1:26:17] specifically

[1:26:18] I saw the TV

[1:26:19] glow

[1:26:20] really crushed

[1:26:21] me

[1:26:21] and I feel

[1:26:22] like

[1:26:22] that movie

[1:26:23] they're able

[1:26:25] to tell

[1:26:26] like get across

[1:26:27] the experience

[1:26:28] of transitioning

[1:26:29] using

[1:26:30] like drawing

[1:26:31] from this

[1:26:32] collection

[1:26:33] of references

[1:26:34] that makes

[1:26:35] so much sense

[1:26:36] like I feel

[1:26:37] like you could

[1:26:37] hand that movie

[1:26:38] to anybody

[1:26:39] who has been

[1:26:40] obsessed with

[1:26:40] like a niche

[1:26:42] thing

[1:26:42] and they would

[1:26:42] get it

[1:26:43] like they'd be

[1:26:43] like okay

[1:26:44] this all makes

[1:26:44] sense

[1:26:45] thank you

[1:26:45] but it's also

[1:26:46] like kind

[1:26:47] of a sledgehammer

[1:26:48] and sad

[1:26:49] so going into

[1:26:50] this

[1:26:50] going into

[1:26:51] Camp Miasma

[1:26:52] I really didn't

[1:26:53] know what to

[1:26:53] expect

[1:26:54] and it's

[1:26:55] what is so

[1:26:56] great about

[1:26:57] Camp Miasma

[1:26:58] is that it's

[1:26:59] like so

[1:26:59] joyful

[1:27:00] and playful

[1:27:01] and it's

[1:27:02] basically about

[1:27:03] sex

[1:27:04] as told

[1:27:04] through

[1:27:05] and like

[1:27:06] coming to

[1:27:07] understand

[1:27:09] sex

[1:27:09] and connect

[1:27:10] with it

[1:27:11] through the

[1:27:12] language of

[1:27:13] slasher movies

[1:27:14] which

[1:27:15] yeah

[1:27:16] it's

[1:27:16] it was really

[1:27:17] great

[1:27:18] and weird

[1:27:18] and silly

[1:27:19] and playful

[1:27:20] and funny

[1:27:21] and it's

[1:27:22] great

[1:27:23] and it's

[1:27:23] got some

[1:27:23] really great

[1:27:24] performances

[1:27:24] and Kevin

[1:27:25] McDonald

[1:27:25] shows up

[1:27:26] and there's

[1:27:28] a couple

[1:27:28] of

[1:27:28] there's

[1:27:29] like

[1:27:29] there was

[1:27:29] definitely

[1:27:29] at least

[1:27:30] one needle

[1:27:30] drop

[1:27:31] that I felt

[1:27:31] like I was

[1:27:32] the oldest

[1:27:32] person in

[1:27:33] the audience

[1:27:34] which I

[1:27:34] probably was

[1:27:35] it was like

[1:27:35] an audience

[1:27:36] of all very

[1:27:37] young cool

[1:27:37] queer kids

[1:27:38] and then

[1:27:39] grandpa over

[1:27:40] here

[1:27:40] chuckling

[1:27:41] that Kevin

[1:27:41] McDonald

[1:27:42] showed up

[1:27:42] but yeah

[1:27:44] it's really

[1:27:45] cool

[1:27:45] and I'm

[1:27:46] looking forward

[1:27:47] to

[1:27:47] I'm gonna

[1:27:48] go see it

[1:27:48] again this

[1:27:49] week

[1:27:49] and I think

[1:27:49] I'm gonna

[1:27:49] run over

[1:27:50] to the

[1:27:50] Museum of the

[1:27:51] Moving Image

[1:27:51] here in New

[1:27:51] York

[1:27:52] where they have

[1:27:52] a exhibit

[1:27:53] of some

[1:27:54] of the

[1:27:54] props

[1:27:55] which one

[1:27:55] of the

[1:27:55] things

[1:27:56] that this

[1:27:57] movie has

[1:27:58] clearly has

[1:27:59] a love

[1:27:59] of slasher

[1:28:00] movies is

[1:28:01] through some

[1:28:01] of the

[1:28:02] props that

[1:28:02] they have

[1:28:02] there so

[1:28:03] check it

[1:28:03] out

[1:28:03] yeah I'm

[1:28:04] looking forward

[1:28:04] to that

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:05] yeah I

[1:28:06] really want

[1:28:06] to see that

[1:28:06] one I'm

[1:28:07] gonna recommend

[1:28:08] I haven't

[1:28:08] gotten to see

[1:28:09] a lot of

[1:28:09] movies lately

[1:28:10] story of my

[1:28:11] life but

[1:28:12] the there

[1:28:13] was a movie

[1:28:14] that I

[1:28:14] rewatched

[1:28:15] recently and

[1:28:16] it feels

[1:28:17] like it

[1:28:18] actually

[1:28:18] dovetails

[1:28:19] with surfer

[1:28:19] teen

[1:28:20] confronts fear

[1:28:21] pretty well

[1:28:21] where I'm

[1:28:22] like this

[1:28:23] movie most

[1:28:23] of it is

[1:28:24] someone standing

[1:28:26] there while

[1:28:26] another person

[1:28:27] talks about

[1:28:28] their philosophy

[1:28:29] of life in

[1:28:30] the strangest

[1:28:31] possible way

[1:28:33] and they

[1:28:34] don't get a

[1:28:35] chance to

[1:28:35] respond like

[1:28:36] the surfer

[1:28:36] never really

[1:28:36] gets a chance

[1:28:37] to respond

[1:28:37] so what is

[1:28:37] there a good

[1:28:38] version of

[1:28:39] this movie

[1:28:39] where someone

[1:28:40] is explaining

[1:28:41] their strange

[1:28:43] kind of life

[1:28:44] and philosophy

[1:28:44] and the other

[1:28:45] person does

[1:28:46] get to respond

[1:28:47] and I realized

[1:28:47] oh there is a

[1:28:48] good version

[1:28:49] of this and I

[1:28:49] just rewatched

[1:28:50] it and that's

[1:28:50] my dinner with

[1:28:51] Andre the

[1:28:52] from 1981

[1:28:52] directed by

[1:28:53] Louis Maul

[1:28:54] starring Andre

[1:28:54] Gregory and

[1:28:55] Wallace John

[1:28:55] as kind of

[1:28:56] versions of

[1:28:57] themselves

[1:28:57] where this

[1:28:58] is the movie

[1:28:59] when I was

[1:28:59] growing up

[1:28:59] it was like

[1:29:00] this was

[1:29:01] if Ishtar

[1:29:01] was your

[1:29:02] go-to

[1:29:02] reference for

[1:29:02] bad movie

[1:29:03] this was

[1:29:04] your go-to

[1:29:04] reference for

[1:29:05] like boring

[1:29:06] smart person

[1:29:06] movie and

[1:29:07] so I put

[1:29:08] off watching it

[1:29:09] for a long

[1:29:09] time when I

[1:29:09] finally watched

[1:29:10] it I was

[1:29:10] old enough

[1:29:10] to get it

[1:29:11] it's an

[1:29:12] amazing movie

[1:29:12] it's a

[1:29:13] really fantastic

[1:29:13] and it's

[1:29:13] just two

[1:29:14] guys having

[1:29:15] dinner talking

[1:29:16] about their

[1:29:17] views on

[1:29:18] where art and

[1:29:19] life intersect

[1:29:19] and their

[1:29:20] anxieties about

[1:29:20] those things

[1:29:21] and I

[1:29:21] remember

[1:29:21] Andre Gregory

[1:29:23] is so poised

[1:29:25] throughout the

[1:29:25] movie even as

[1:29:25] he's saying

[1:29:26] bonkers things

[1:29:27] and Wallace

[1:29:28] Sean is so

[1:29:29] like agitated

[1:29:30] in his

[1:29:30] performance

[1:29:30] and yet

[1:29:31] watching at

[1:29:32] this time

[1:29:32] it made me

[1:29:32] realize that

[1:29:33] Wallace

[1:29:33] Sean is the

[1:29:34] character who

[1:29:34] really stands

[1:29:35] by his guns

[1:29:36] and seems

[1:29:37] to have a

[1:29:38] strong way

[1:29:38] of thinking

[1:29:39] whereas Andre

[1:29:39] Gregory

[1:29:40] even though

[1:29:41] he talks

[1:29:41] in a very

[1:29:41] poised way

[1:29:42] kind of

[1:29:43] just

[1:29:43] whatever

[1:29:44] Wallace

[1:29:44] Sean says

[1:29:45] he's like

[1:29:45] yeah yeah

[1:29:45] but also

[1:29:46] it could be

[1:29:46] yeah you're

[1:29:47] right and

[1:29:47] it could be

[1:29:48] like this

[1:29:48] he's much

[1:29:48] more

[1:29:49] malleable

[1:29:49] even though

[1:29:50] he at

[1:29:51] first seems

[1:29:51] to be the

[1:29:52] more senior

[1:29:52] and the

[1:29:53] more poised

[1:29:53] and the

[1:29:53] more wise

[1:29:54] of the two

[1:29:55] and there's

[1:29:55] just so much

[1:29:56] in it

[1:29:57] not just about

[1:29:58] the way

[1:29:58] they're talking

[1:29:58] about but

[1:29:59] like the

[1:30:00] dynamic between

[1:30:01] the two of

[1:30:01] them and

[1:30:02] what's going

[1:30:03] on underneath

[1:30:03] that and

[1:30:04] it's just

[1:30:04] it's a

[1:30:04] really

[1:30:05] wonderful

[1:30:05] movie

[1:30:05] and really

[1:30:06] fascinating

[1:30:06] and I was

[1:30:07] like oh

[1:30:08] surfer

[1:30:08] teen

[1:30:09] confronts

[1:30:09] fear

[1:30:09] is like

[1:30:09] the shitty

[1:30:10] version

[1:30:10] of my

[1:30:11] dinner

[1:30:11] with Andre

[1:30:11] made by

[1:30:12] somebody

[1:30:12] who doesn't

[1:30:13] really have

[1:30:13] anything

[1:30:14] interesting

[1:30:14] to say

[1:30:15] and doesn't

[1:30:16] really know

[1:30:17] how to

[1:30:17] imbue

[1:30:17] that with

[1:30:18] human emotion

[1:30:19] or human

[1:30:20] worries

[1:30:21] and I would

Dan McCoy

[1:30:21] say if

[1:30:22] anyone out

[1:30:22] there is

[1:30:23] like you

[1:30:24] sort of

[1:30:27] you were

[1:30:28] intimidated

[1:30:29] by the idea

[1:30:29] of watching

[1:30:31] my dinner

[1:30:31] with Andre

[1:30:31] like you're

[1:30:32] listening to a

[1:30:33] podcast

[1:30:33] you like

[1:30:34] hearing people

[1:30:35] just have

[1:30:36] like

[1:30:36] conversations

[1:30:38] that weave

[1:30:39] around

[1:30:40] it does

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:42] feel very

[1:30:43] much like

[1:30:43] a movie

[1:30:44] version

[1:30:44] of like

[1:30:44] a proto

[1:30:45] podcast

[1:30:45] between

[1:30:46] these two

[1:30:46] guys

[1:30:46] except that

[1:30:47] there's a

[1:30:48] design

[1:30:49] there's a

[1:30:50] structured

[1:30:50] dramatic

[1:30:50] structure

[1:30:54] to it

[1:30:54] I was trying

[1:30:54] to think of

[1:30:55] another word

[1:30:55] other than

[1:30:55] the structure

[1:30:56] like a

[1:30:56] form to

[1:30:57] it

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:57] what

[1:30:58] I said

[1:30:58] no need

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:59] yeah

[1:30:59] there is a

[1:31:00] dramatic form

[1:31:00] to it

[1:31:01] and they are

[1:31:01] playing characters

[1:31:02] that's the

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:02] script that

[1:31:02] Dan sends

[1:31:03] us before

[1:31:03] every episode

[1:31:04] that we adhere

[1:31:05] to

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:05] word for word

[1:31:07] for word

[1:31:08] and then

Dan McCoy

[1:31:09] redo an

[1:31:09] ADR later

[1:31:10] why we're

[1:31:10] ADRing

[1:31:11] an audio

[1:31:12] podcast

[1:31:12] but that's

[1:31:13] the way

[1:31:13] it works

[1:31:13] trying to

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:13] match lips

[1:31:14] baby

[1:31:14] but also

[1:31:15] one of the

[1:31:15] fun things

[1:31:16] about my

[1:31:16] dinner with

[1:31:16] Andre is

[1:31:17] that they

[1:31:17] are talking

[1:31:18] about

[1:31:18] theater

[1:31:19] and life

[1:31:19] and things

[1:31:19] like that

[1:31:20] but the

[1:31:21] stories that

[1:31:21] Andre

[1:31:21] Gregory

[1:31:22] tells

[1:31:22] are

[1:31:23] bonkers

[1:31:24] and

[1:31:24] Wallace

[1:31:25] Sean

[1:31:25] just watching

[1:31:26] him

[1:31:26] at a

[1:31:26] certain

[1:31:27] moment

[1:31:27] like

[1:31:27] what are

[1:31:28] you talking

[1:31:28] about

[1:31:28] like

[1:31:28] what is

[1:31:32] and it

[1:31:32] is

[1:31:32] entertaining

[1:31:33] and so

[1:31:33] it's a

[1:31:34] I highly

[1:31:35] recommend it

[1:31:35] if you've

[1:31:35] ever put

[1:31:36] it off

[1:31:36] because you

[1:31:36] thought it

[1:31:37] was going

[1:31:37] to be

[1:31:37] boring

[1:31:37] at least

[1:31:38] watch the

[1:31:39] first 30

[1:31:40] minutes

[1:31:40] you know

[1:31:40] and then

[1:31:41] I think

[1:31:41] you'll watch

[1:31:42] the rest

[1:31:42] of it

[1:31:42] too

[1:31:42] it's not

[1:31:43] a long

[1:31:43] movie

[1:31:43] it's really

[1:31:44] fun

Dan McCoy

[1:31:44] yeah

[1:31:45] you hit

[1:31:45] on something

[1:31:46] like

[1:31:46] they

[1:31:46] really

[1:31:47] play

[1:31:47] up

[1:31:47] like

[1:31:48] you know

[1:31:49] you might

[1:31:50] think

[1:31:50] it was

[1:31:50] boring

[1:31:50] because

[1:31:51] it's

[1:31:51] just

[1:31:51] people

[1:31:51] talking

[1:31:52] but

[1:31:52] it's

[1:31:53] a

[1:31:53] dynamic

[1:31:55] between

[1:31:55] two

[1:31:56] people

[1:31:56] they

[1:31:56] play

[1:31:56] up

[1:31:57] the

[1:31:57] odd

[1:31:57] couple

[1:31:57] of

[1:31:58] like

[1:31:59] Andre

[1:31:59] Gregory

[1:32:00] is

[1:32:00] this

[1:32:00] wandering

[1:32:01] adventurer

[1:32:02] and

[1:32:02] Wallace

[1:32:02] Sean

[1:32:03] just

[1:32:03] wants

[1:32:03] to

[1:32:03] stay

[1:32:04] home

[1:32:04] in

[1:32:04] his

[1:32:05] New

[1:32:05] York

[1:32:05] apartment

[1:32:05] and

[1:32:05] have

[1:32:06] his

[1:32:06] comforts

[1:32:06] you

[1:32:06] know

[1:32:07] like

[1:32:07] that's

[1:32:07] part

[1:32:07] of

[1:32:07] it

[1:32:08] that's

[1:32:08] part

[1:32:08] of

[1:32:08] the

[1:32:08] perfect

[1:32:09] podcast

[1:32:10] it

[1:32:10] is

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:11] a

[1:32:11] perfect

[1:32:11] podcast

[1:32:11] I

[1:32:12] mean

[1:32:12] I

[1:32:12] feel

[1:32:12] like

[1:32:12] the

[1:32:12] best

[1:32:13] podcasts

[1:32:13] are

[1:32:13] the

[1:32:13] ones

[1:32:14] where

[1:32:14] you

[1:32:14] have

[1:32:14] two

[1:32:15] weird

[1:32:15] dudes

[1:32:16] talking

[1:32:16] about

[1:32:17] stuff

[1:32:17] but

[1:32:17] they're

[1:32:18] weird

[1:32:18] in

[1:32:18] different

[1:32:18] ways

[1:32:19] yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:19] they have

[1:32:20] to overlap

[1:32:20] just

[1:32:21] enough

[1:32:21] you can

[1:32:21] read all

[1:32:22] about it

[1:32:22] in joke

[1:32:22] farming

[1:32:23] in my

[1:32:23] podcast

[1:32:23] chapter

[1:32:24] oh

[1:32:24] that's

[1:32:24] true

[1:32:25] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:32:25] um

[1:32:26] you made

[1:32:27] it into

[1:32:27] Elliot's

[1:32:28] book

[1:32:28] uh

[1:32:29] Stuart

[1:32:29] were you

[1:32:29] aware

[1:32:29] of this

[1:32:30] we're in

[1:32:30] there

[1:32:31] I haven't

[1:32:31] finished

[1:32:32] reading his

[1:32:32] book

[1:32:32] I am

[1:32:33] my dad

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:37] this is the

[1:32:38] kind of

[1:32:38] stuff my

[1:32:38] dad says

[1:32:38] all the

[1:32:39] time

[1:32:39] he goes

[1:32:40] how are

[1:32:40] sales on

[1:32:41] the book

[1:32:41] doing

[1:32:41] has anyone

[1:32:42] else read

[1:32:42] the whole

[1:32:42] thing

[1:32:42] or just

[1:32:43] me

[1:32:43] am I

[1:32:43] the only

[1:32:43] person

[1:32:44] who read

[1:32:44] it all

[1:32:44] the way

[1:32:44] through

[1:32:45] weird

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:47] your

[1:32:48] therapist

[1:32:49] hears that

[1:32:49] shit

[1:32:49] and is

[1:32:50] like

[1:32:50] ching

[1:32:51] we found

[1:32:53] a rock

[1:32:53] to kick

[1:32:53] over

[1:32:54] he does

[1:32:54] that kind

[1:32:55] of stuff

[1:32:55] all the

[1:32:55] time

[1:32:55] it's

[1:32:56] really

[1:32:56] funny

[1:32:56] um

[1:32:58] okay

[1:32:59] well

[1:32:59] yeah

[1:33:00] my dad

[1:33:01] did a

[1:33:01] thing

[1:33:01] this recent

[1:33:02] vision

[1:33:02] where

[1:33:03] after

[1:33:03] complaining

[1:33:04] about

[1:33:04] everyone

[1:33:04] else

[1:33:04] in the

[1:33:05] family

[1:33:05] he's

[1:33:05] like

[1:33:05] but

[1:33:06] that's

[1:33:06] like

[1:33:07] your

[1:33:07] aunt's

[1:33:07] a

[1:33:07] judgmental

[1:33:08] person

[1:33:08] I'm

[1:33:09] not

[1:33:09] and I

[1:33:09] was

[1:33:09] like

[1:33:10] bitch

[1:33:10] um

Dan McCoy

[1:33:14] wow

[1:33:15] we're

[1:33:15] confronting

[1:33:15] a lot

[1:33:16] of things

[1:33:16] along

[1:33:16] with

[1:33:17] fear

[1:33:17] and

[1:33:17] thank

[1:33:17] you

[1:33:17] for

[1:33:18] confronting

[1:33:19] server

[1:33:20] team

[1:33:20] confronts

[1:33:21] fear

[1:33:21] with

[1:33:21] me

[1:33:22] for

[1:33:23] for

[1:33:23] a

[1:33:23] second

[1:33:23] time

[1:33:24] for

[1:33:24] me

[1:33:24] this

[1:33:24] is

[1:33:24] my

[1:33:25] second

[1:33:25] go

[1:33:25] around

[1:33:25] I'm

[1:33:27] glad

[1:33:27] I could

[1:33:27] be

[1:33:27] there

[1:33:28] with

[1:33:28] longer

[1:33:28] somehow

[1:33:29] anyway

[1:33:30] thank

[1:33:31] you

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:31] we didn't

[1:33:32] have to

[1:33:32] go it

[1:33:32] alone

[1:33:33] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:33:33] thank

[1:33:34] you

[1:33:35] to

[1:33:35] maximum

[1:33:36] fun

[1:33:36] go to

[1:33:37] maximum

[1:33:37] fun

[1:33:37] dot org

[1:33:38] check out

[1:33:39] all the

[1:33:39] other great

[1:33:40] podcasts

[1:33:40] on our

[1:33:41] podcasting

[1:33:42] network

[1:33:42] thank

[1:33:43] you to

[1:33:43] mr.

[1:33:44] alex

[1:33:44] smith

[1:33:45] that

[1:33:46] you still

[1:33:47] have time

[1:33:47] to see

[1:33:48] him

[1:33:48] with us

[1:33:49] in

[1:33:49] louisville

[1:33:50] when this

[1:33:50] releases

[1:33:51] get tickets

[1:33:52] if you're

[1:33:52] in the

[1:33:52] area

[1:33:53] we're

[1:33:54] talking

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:54] glitter

[1:33:55] folks

[1:33:56] glitter

[1:33:57] glitter

[1:33:57] performing

Dan McCoy

[1:33:59] as how

[1:34:00] old

[1:34:00] dotty

[1:34:00] and maybe

[1:34:02] if you

[1:34:02] go

[1:34:02] you'll

[1:34:03] finally

[1:34:04] learn how

[1:34:04] to spell

[1:34:04] how old

[1:34:05] dotty

[1:34:05] so you

[1:34:05] can google

[1:34:06] it

[1:34:06] i mentioned

[1:34:07] it on

[1:34:07] every

[1:34:08] episode

[1:34:09] and i'm

[1:34:09] like

[1:34:09] people are

[1:34:09] gonna have

[1:34:10] trouble

[1:34:10] finding

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:10] alex

[1:34:11] i don't

[1:34:12] mean to

[1:34:12] threaten

[1:34:12] anyone

[1:34:13] here

[1:34:13] but i

[1:34:14] will say

[1:34:15] if you're

[1:34:15] thinking

[1:34:15] they're gonna

[1:34:17] release the

[1:34:17] episode at

[1:34:18] some point

[1:34:18] i'll wait

[1:34:19] till they

[1:34:19] release it

[1:34:20] well

[1:34:20] there's a

[1:34:21] above zero

[1:34:22] chance we are

[1:34:23] going to fuck

[1:34:24] something up

[1:34:24] and lose the

[1:34:25] audio

[1:34:25] it happened

[1:34:26] wouldn't be the

[1:34:26] first or second

[1:34:27] time

Dan McCoy

[1:34:28] yeah

[1:34:29] so yeah

[1:34:31] we hope to see

[1:34:31] you there if

[1:34:32] you're in the

[1:34:32] area but

[1:34:32] anyway for the

[1:34:33] flop house i

[1:34:34] have been

[1:34:34] dan mccoy

[1:34:35] hey i'm your

[1:34:36] one and only

[1:34:37] that's stewart

[1:34:38] wellington baby

[1:34:39] and i'm

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:40] elliot calen

[1:34:41] just wandering

[1:34:42] the universe

[1:34:43] on this planet

[1:34:44] that turns

[1:34:45] and also orbits

[1:34:46] at the same

[1:34:47] time think

[1:34:48] about it

[1:34:48] yeah squid

[1:34:49] and electricity

[1:34:50] elliot you're

Dan McCoy

[1:34:59] you're summarizing

[1:35:00] i'm sorry

[1:35:00] i got my notes

[1:35:01] set up for it

[1:35:02] it genuinely

[1:35:03] you know it

[1:35:03] just it it

[1:35:04] it came you

[1:35:05] came up in the

[1:35:05] rotation i didn't

[1:35:06] like juke the

[1:35:07] stats or anything

[1:35:08] i was like

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:10] phew i don't

[1:35:10] have to

[1:35:10] summarize the

Dan McCoy

[1:35:11] moment oh

[1:35:12] shit yeah

[1:35:13] this one's uh

[1:35:14] tough yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:16] i i got i

[1:35:17] mean i did

[1:35:17] some i did

[1:35:18] some pre-work

[1:35:19] in organizing

[1:35:19] my notes so

Dan McCoy

[1:35:20] okay uh

[1:35:22] let's uh

[1:35:23] roll into it

[1:35:25] are you

[1:35:25] i'll let you

[1:35:26] i'll let

[1:35:26] steward

[1:35:27] finish

[1:35:27] slice of

[1:35:29] mango

[1:35:30] mango

[1:35:30] can we turn

[1:35:31] steward into

[1:35:32] the one who

[1:35:32] canonically is

[1:35:33] uh wasting

[1:35:34] flop house time

[1:35:35] with mango

[1:35:36] now

[1:35:36] you can

[1:35:40] switch that

[1:35:41] over

[1:35:41] i'll talk to

[1:35:41] the kids

[1:35:42] about it

[1:35:42] i'll be a

[1:35:43] mango boy

[1:35:43] um okay

[1:35:46] maximum fun

[1:35:48] a worker-owned

[1:35:49] network of

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Surfer: Teen Confronts Fear

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